Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 36 - Sam Easton

Episode Date: November 2, 2008

Comedian and actor Sam Easton stops by to entertain us with stories of Hollywood and the road, and then tons of dirty stuff.  We also play a round of Bow Wow or Romeo.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Welcome everybody to episode 36 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and joining me as always, Daytime Emmy Award winner, Dave Shumka. Yeah, that's right. It was for a guest spot on, I don't know, General Hospital? No, you could have done better than that.

Okay, sorry. No, you could have done better than that. Okay, sorry. And joining us, our guest here today is a comedian, actor, professional gambler, baller, shot caller. Oh, yeah, I wish I was a little bit taller. Sam Easton, all the way from Toronto, originally from Vancouver, coming back to Toronto for like, or, yeah, what did I say? Originally from Vancouver, back in Vancouver for about what, like couple of weeks right yeah yeah yeah well thank you guys so much for having me well thanks for coming out so what's uh what's doing you were just on the island I was just on main island should we get should we play the theme song first oh yeah

so you're on Main Island. You said that your parents have a hot tub out in the woods. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no home. It's just a hot tub in the woods. Yeah, we own a hot tub in the woods. Is there like a fridge somewhere nearby? No, but you have to be nude. That's the thing.

That's the rule. It's a naked hot tub. Yeah, and it's only thing. That's the rule. It's a naked hot tub. Yeah. And it's only men. Men only. Wow. It's a bit of a gay island. I remember you telling me

that both of your parents were men. I remember you saying that and that they're in the hot tub business. Yeah. I have a dad, a stepdad, and then I have another dad and a stepdad. And they're all heavily mustachioed men they're they're they're all they're all very hairy men yeah my my real father is the only non-iranian in the bunch that's right

that's right i remember only non-muslim yeah i remember from the christmas postcard that you sent me yeah it was like the little arrows pointing to who was who. It was actually a Halloween card. I forgot. You guys don't celebrate Christmas on Main Island. Or Iran. We don't celebrate Christmas or Iran. You're absolutely right. You're absolutely right.

And so we were discussing in the kitchen briefly. You're an actual movie actor that's been in actual movies. Not like just independent local stuff like most of the people we know. You've actually been in actual Hollywood big deal pictures. You actually were in Hollywood for a while. Yeah, for a few years. And you loved it, if I recall correctly. I think those were your exact words.

Yeah, it's a scary place. Yeah. Little pockets. You'll be walking down the street in a really nice area, and then all of a sudden, it's the scariest place you've ever seen. I remember when I was in LA, I learned not to look when you hear a noise or when you hear someone say, hey, buddy. You just look away? Well, you just keep walking.

It's not your friend from high school. It's very rarely your friend from high school. It's almost never. Unless you went to a high school where it's almost entirely latino gang members yes yes and if you went to the high school in dangerous minds that it might have been so the funny thing out there was um or the thing that really made it scary was that i dressed like the mexican gangsters right and that's what i think they didn't appreciate was that you were dressing like them. Yes.

Instead of going like, hey, look, we're starting to pull in voters from the outside of the community. Did they think maybe you were a vice? Vice? Yeah, I don't know. Good question. Good question.

I do remember that you were in danger if a Hispanic gangster would say, hey, dude. That meant... Were they trying to affect an accent? A white guy's accent. That's really funny. And when I heard dude, it meant trouble.

Yeah. It meant trouble. I actually... Hey, man. Uh-oh. See, I still get afraid. You didn't have a car. You were in L.A. without a car, if I recall.

Well, actually, to be honest with you, I drove two cars down to L.A. at different times and left them both there. One car my sister lived in when she was in some troubling times. Wow. And it was all keyed up and burnt holes. Was your sister Jewel? No. No, good question, though. Good question.

And so my mom wanted the car out of her sight, and so I drove it down to L.A., and I sold it for $225. Did you say, where did you sell it, just on the street? Just to a buddy. Just to the guy who worked at the gas station. They thought the license plate which said British Columbia meant that I had something to do with Colombian coke money.

And it was very awkward. Despite the fact that you were driving out of dirt. Yeah. The second car I drove down there was an 85 Golf Diesel. I sold that car for $50. Wow. Dan Quinn, a comic

from Vancouver, he drove me to the place to sell the car and I bought him a coffee and a muffin, so I really sold the car for $44.50. But there was a period, no, where you were on the bus? Oh yeah, a lot of buses and then walking. I would walk everywhere. I did the Comedy Store from sunday night to thursday night uh and that show would start at seven and go till 2 a.m and it would never stop a new host would come on every two hours and it was just soul destroying and i would walk there and i would walk

home about hour and 20 minute walk to there and back right and it was just like you know i guess there's this idea of optional misery sometimes when you're struggling in the city you just choose to be miserable just to keep it just keep piling it on so that it's the most miserable time yeah yeah i could have bussed home but i was like fuck it i don't think busing would have taken any i remember my favorite bus ride i ever had was I was auditioning for this movie called American Kids or High School Kids in America. Kids in America. And it was a young homosexual kid that I was auditioning for. And so I dressed up, you know, but I was afraid.

Tied to a shirt. Did you do that when I revealed? I didn't tie it up. No, no. I assume that's what all teenagers are doing almost all almost all except for my my character pants and that oh well i was wearing capris i mean don't get it twisted but um i remember i was afraid to walk around in the wardrobe right so i put on like baggy pants over it in a sweatshirt over that right and it's hot in LA, right?

So I'm on the bus sweating buckets. And this old black man looked at me and he goes, why are you dressed like that, son? Son, it's way too hot for you to be dressed like that. Why are you dressed like that? And I just looked at him and I was like, I'm dressed like a fag underneath this. He had no idea what I was talking about,

but we did become good friends he became he became kind of your uh your mentor after that he was a leader there was no question um there was a time where i was staying with your morgan freeman he was my morgan freeman yeah as you were digging out of la slowly yeah because that's how you got back from LA, if I recall correctly. You dug a tunnel. I dug a tunnel. You covered it with a poster. Yes, I did. Spoiler alert. Oh, really? I don't think so. If you haven't seen Shawshank Redemption by now, you can go fuck yourself.

Really? I've heard good things. Oh, I have so many bus driving memories. There was one pilot season where I lived by the airport. And to take the bus to an audition in Hollywood, to go straight there, it would take about an hour and ten minutes, but you had to switch buses in Inglewood. Oh, yeah, which if listeners don't know, one of the most beautiful places in Southern California. Home of Ice Cube. That's right.

And also, generally, I's just to paint a further picture any neighborhood that's located by the airport generally not the most desirable neighborhood to be living in yeah yeah you could say that and i but i mean if so i was afraid to go i would only go before 10 in the morning right that was the only time i would do the switch over in englewood and uh i remember when i would get on the bus all these you know black people would be staring at me like what are you doing you know this isn't this isn't an eminem film you know and uh film one of the many films mgm presents an eminem film

and so my big move was whenever a guy would stare at me which they'd all stare at me like There's always a crazy twist at the end. And so my big move was whenever a guy would stare at me, which they'd all stare at me like I was crazy, I would always just get up and go, would you like to sit here? Yeah. And I don't know if it disarms the situation, but I always felt safer after saying it. And then maybe about three weeks into it, I was taking a bus through Inglewood about 6 o'clock at night. Because it took me about two hours, 20 minutes if I didn't go through Inglewood. Right.

And so I was on the bus, and our basketball coach from a film, a terrible film called Underclassmen. Available at your DVD store. A Nick Cannon vehicle. A Nick Cannon. Yeah, what a terrible human being he is. More on that later. Wild and out. Yeah, wild and out. But my basketball coach grew up in that area.

His name was Wayne King Jr., my basketball coach underclassman. And we were done shooting underclassmen, but I was still down there. You actually had to train, like, every day playing basketball because you were playing basketball in the movie. Is that right? Yeah. I mean, if you could play basketball, you probably wouldn't need to train that much. But I was poor.

Were you starting from scratch? You could kind of dribble a little bit? I could dribble. How was your hook shot? My hook shot, I just, like, I remember the idea when I came to the first practice. They said it was like I was wearing hiking boots and jean cutoffs because I just didn't fit in with the other players. Hiking boots and jean cutoffs.

You mean the tight jean cutoffs. Because most actors are great athletes. Well, yeah. It's so funny how bad they are, right? I remember Sean Ashmore. The funny thing about him was he couldn't run. He didn't know how to run. Yeah, I watched a movie with my dad called Decathalon starring Dolph Lundgren, and he can't run.

He can't run at all. It's because he's such a good actor. It's because he was in the drama club in high school. No, I had to be. But I always wonder about that one, because if you get cast as a baseball player, do you have to learn... Baseball's a pretty easy sport. Yeah. A monkey could play

in Ed. But yeah, okay. So what would be a harder sport? Maybe tennis? Hockey. Hockey would be very hard. A monkey can play that, though. Yeah, that's true. Most Valuable Primate series. Series.

Well, there were three of them. I auditioned for number two. Ian Bagg. i just worked with him last weekend at in west edmonton mall and he was he was in two of them he was in two of the primate vehicles primate series yeah yeah so back to the the bus basically wayne called my home and said where's sam and they all laughed and said he's somewhere in Inglewood and Wayne called me up and berated me as if I was the biggest idiot in the whole he was just so disgusted that I would think that I could I could take a bus through Inglewood that he drove behind the bus really told me to get off the bus and then just berated me some more and then I realized that probably wasn't a good idea

to bus through Inglewood because you were you were kind of you're making your fake coach mad yeah coach man but it just if it was that ridiculous to him if it was that scary he was like God like God's honest you can't do this yeah you're the dumbest white boy I ever seen in my life well no there's one there was one dumber on the bus that was wearing blackface trying to fit that's what i'll try next time blackface yeah uh wow so it's you have you have a thousand fantastic stories because you go on the road and you've been a comic you've been an actor you've you've been around you've been a comic, you've been an actor, you've seen a lot of things. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I started touring about 22, 21, and nonstop. So for three years and 11 months, I had no fixed address.

And I just toured. You were a hobo. You were a modern-day hobo. You were sleeping on people's couches. But I didn't need to that much. I was touring nonstop. Like, I was in Alberta for five months of the year. So were you living in hotels? Yeah. Wow. was that i guess at 22 that's a lot of fun right

yeah it was it was much more fun then um yeah and now you know this now i try not to leave the venue of where we perform you just you're done with that yeah just because that's the thing after a show is always somebody comes up to you and hey we've got a house party we're gonna go burn we're gonna go burn my grandma's uh shed down to the ground she said we can do that and well you have gigs too where you're told not to go out right yeah have you ever played alert bay oh no see that was this native indian fishing village you could only get to by boat and they would tell you don't whatever you do don't go out and party you know and uh i'll never forget that night um because i went out and partied no i didn't do it i did not do it but

god the stories from alert bay were legendary because you'd be you and the other comic you're with would be the only non-first nations there. Yeah, because it's way up north. It's the most northern point of Vancouver Island. Right. Yeah. So I remember the first time I was there with Dan Quinn and we got the keys and we walked up the stairs and there was a table pushed over. So you had to climb over the table. The table was pushed over because it was just dogs and babies.

There was about four babies and four dogs. Where were you? Were you staying or in the club? No, in the front room of the hotel, in the lobby. So there were babies and dogs. Were there any baby dogs? Because that would be super cute. I didn't take enough time to look, actually. I was pretty bothered by it. So it was such a scary place. Here's the story of what happened to Johnny Bueller in Alert Bay. I love this story.

Johnny Bueller, former guest on the show. Johnny Bueller finishes his show and just goes right to his room, right? No talking, nothing, right to his room. And he's watching TV, and he hears someone outside go, Hey, hey, you up there. Hey, I know you're awake. Hey, hey, you. And Johnny does I know you're awake. Hey, hey you. And Johnny does not want to deal with this, right? Johnny closes the blinds, you know, puts the TV up louder.

And he just keeps hearing, hey, hey you. I know you're up there. Hey. For an hour and a half. John can't believe it, right? John's putting the volume up louder and louder. Is it a dog that's learning how to speak? Hey, hey you, hey you.

And then all of a sudden, an ambulance comes. And he just tripped on the seawall, and he'd broken his ankle. And he was just asking for help. Oh. John's the worst. Yeah. That's evil. Yeah.

Can you imagine you've just broken your ankle, and the only guy just turns the TV up? You can hear Night Court from the street. John's excuse was that he never said help. Yeah, that's true. I guess. Yeah, if somebody just kept saying, hey, you. I know you're awake. That doesn't sound like a crime or help.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's really funny. So when we did the show, Dan and I did the show, the show went fine, and we stayed in the bar and played these two guys at pool. And they were really excellent players, and they won the first two games, and then we won the third game. And this one guy, they were about 40, and their wives were with them.

Yeah. It kind of unarms the situation a bit. Disarms it totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Underarms. It kind of underarms the situation because you know that they're respected members of the community. Yeah, well, and then the wives probably don't want to see their husbands getting their teeth kicked in or doing any of that. Yeah, but the one guy,

one of the guys we were playing against, kept shaking my hand. He kept telling me that things were okay. And I figured that meant that at some point things weren't going to be okay. That's why he kept... And so we won the third game and then we're playing the fourth game.

No more hand shakes. No, no, he's still shaking my hand that's good that's good whenever dan would have a big shot he would tower over there and like kind of you know mess with him so dan was on the eight ball in the fourth game and that so i just he was walking towards dan he was going to intimidate dan so i stood up and i said not this time and he put me in a headlock and i felt my my ear shatter. But I'm drunk and competitive. So he hits the eight ball in. So now it's the deciding fifth game.

Dan takes a shot. The other guy takes a shot. And then I pretty much run the table. And then the guy puts his arm on the table and just pushes all the balls. And Dan goes, hey, why'd you do that, man? And the guy goes, what the fuck did you just say to me? What the fuck did you just say to me what the fuck did you just say to me and walks right up to dan and then like magic you know how there's all these incredible

moments right yeah like magic this one guy who's not even paying attention goes i got something funny for you and then the one guy goes i was talking to them and then the other guy goes you talk you show me respect when you talk so then then they start yelling at each other. And then all I heard was this girl behind me go screaming, like, fuck you, asshole. And she was smashing a payphone, like just smashing the phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's a classic move you're not going to see for that much longer. Nobody's doing that to their cell phones. Yeah.

And nobody uses payphones anymore unless it's a drug deal. Like, how often do you see that? Unless it's to smash it. Yeah. Unless it's to smash it. Yeah. Yeah. And then they said, last call. And it was 11 Unless it's to smash it. Yeah. Unless it's to smash it. Yeah. And then they said last call, and it was 11.45 at night for last call.

And I'd never been happier to hear it. That's the thing in a lot of the small towns you go to, though. You're like a traveling amusement to them. So they try and get you to hang out after this thing, and they want you to come around because you're like, because the next day it's whatever. It's back to the thing, and there's going to be nothing interesting for the rest of the week or month depending on how often the show goes so yeah you're like you're like a freak oddity that comes to town but they have such a warped sense of of what it's like to be a comic or an actor and they sometimes they think you're some star

and it's so ridiculous like i was in. I had a gig a couple months ago where this woman was a big, huge Final Destination 3 fan, and she freaked out. You're the star of Final Destination 3. No, no, no. Wait a minute. Sorry. Specifically of that one movie, or the whole franchise? Well, she loved the franchise.

Is that the one where the girls die in the tanning bed? In the tanning salon. Yeah, okay. It's a good scene. Very sexy. Bit of note, on the DVD, you have options to save, right? You can pick different destinations for the characters. They filmed alternate ways that they die.

It's like to choose your own adventure. And young Sam Easton is the only person that you can make not die. Stay alive. Yeah, because the other ones, you pick it, and they just die in a more gory and terrible way. At what point do you die in the movie? Right after the tanning salon. Oh, okay.

Yeah, in the second. In the spectacular, it's probably the most spectacular death in the movie, right? It was pretty crazy. I mean, implausible. But crazy. But now, as an addendum to that, J.ible. But crazy. But now, as an addendum to that, J.P. Mass worked on that film. Yeah.

As like a special effects guy. And he was driving around with a dummy that looked like you in his trunk for a month. But man, am I ugly. Because this was the ugliest thing. It's not true. Look at that baby face. I would look at it and be like, am I this ugly? I couldn't believe it all day long.

I mean, it was fun having the dummy on set because he would never treat people with respect. And I would just yell and scream at him the whole time. And that always got laughs, right? That got laughs. Did you ever try making out with it? Oh, we kissed. When people were looking all the time, right? But it was good luck to get a little mouth-to-mouth before a scene.

It was really funny. It was fun luck to get a little mouth-to-mouth before a scene. It was really funny. It was fun having J.P. involved. J.P. Mass, phenomenal local comic. He's a great comic. But going back, you're at a show. Yeah, and this is huge. Huge fan of Final Destination. And she's very attractive, right?

And she freaks out. What are the odds? You're right, actually. Did she call you by your character name no frankie frankie cheeks frankie cheeks yeah no no she didn't but she was you know and it's true that that there's most final destination fans have you know horrible facial jewelry and uh you know really scary tattoos and they're all 15 and you can't tell whether they're a boy or a girl and i have all over my myspace i had to take them off my myspace because it was like what you actually recall looking at your myspace at one time ago what is sam into in the office

you only hang out with 15 year olds with tats um and so she was all over me and she was hot and you could tell that all these guys had been trying to hook up with this girl for 10 years. Oh, right. You're in a small town. Yeah, here comes some fucking loser hooking her up. And she wanted to go out. And it would be so funny. I would see five faces, and she would have this huge smile, and the other four would be staring me down.

I have another problem. It shows right now and it's become something I'm conscious of and I've got to change. And that's that after a show, I'll have somebody come up to me and say, hey, Sam, you want to smoke a joint? I'll look at them and I'll think, wow, this is probably someone I would hang out with. So I'll go outside and smoke a joint. And what's been happening time and time and time again is this guy happens to be the biggest drug dealer in the city he wants to come to the rest of my shows right so i have and the the staff is scared that this guy's around and he's my best buddy all of a sudden and and it's just awful next thing i know i'm going to lunch

with the biggest drug dealer in the city and they so no that isn't a threat now you know this isn't a radio call-in show so if you have a similar problem don't call it um but how do you what is it that sam easton does that attracts the biggest drug dealer in town to want to be his buddy is it the act do you ask for drugs on stage no i don't ask for drugs no okay there's nothing like that it's nothing outward no you do you even talk about drugs on stage. No, I don't ask for drugs on stage. No, okay. It's nothing like that. It's nothing outward. No. Do you even talk about drugs on stage? Not really. So it's not even that. Maybe, is it an approach?

Maybe you're approachable. Maybe you just have a way about you. Yeah. Oh, wow. There is something about Sam Aston. Wow. I want to go back a little earlier. You said that when a guy put you in a headlock three stories ago. Yeah. That you shattered your ear. You hear your ear shatter. Yeah, you know, I don't know how many times I've been put in headlocks.

Many, unfortunately. But do you mean like the pop noise? Yeah, the pop when you hear your ear, when you hear it. Right, right. Like your eardrum wasn't damaged. No, and thank you for asking. I'm just concerned. Oh, Dave, you're a sweetheart.

You know what's funny, Dave, is that I went to high school, West Vancouver High, and the toughest, scariest guy in our school was named Dave Shumka. I think I've told you this before. Oh, my God! We actually have a strange thing about that. You haven't told me this. Have I not? But I've heard from other people that people are afraid of me

because they see me on stage and they've heard legends of Dave Sh are you like people are afraid of me because they see me on stage and they've like heard legends of dave shumker yeah yeah he was the scariest guy in the community he would break beer bottles over his head remember yes that's what somebody said i remember this guy used to break beer bottles over his head and they thought it was somehow connected to you yeah yeah or like people would be like people would have heard legends of this guy oh he's no joke just getting into fights and then come up to me after a show and be like, oh, I thought you'd be bigger. Dave Shumka,

he fucked all of the sweet young women in our grade. I sure did. He turned them all inside out. That's me. And he scared the shit out of us. I saw him about five years ago. You say he's homeless?

He was homeless then and scary. Wow. I wouldn't make eye contact. I didn't. Yeah, he was scary. And so I do always think of the scariest dude in our community when I see you, Dave. Well, I do too, to be honest. Do you mean my regards?

Yeah, I hope not. I hope I don't have to. Oh, wow. Well, that clears up a lot of things from about episode three or four. Yeah. But, I mean, when we were in high school, he'd break beer bottles over his head, one after another after another, you know? I guess once you break the barrier of one, then the next ten aren't going to really do

it to you. Well, it depends how you do it. I'd flinch like crazy. I had a friend try and do it and just cut his head wide open and have to go to the hospital. It depends how you... You have to hit it on the right spot. Did you ever, when you were younger, did you ever watch the whiskey videos? Mm-mm.

That was a thing. Maybe that was more in Alberta. I've never heard of the whiskey videos. This was pre-YouTube. Right. So the youth today would not understand that you would have to actually fucking buy a video of guys doing this and watch it at a party or whatever. So there were these films of snowboarders puking or fighting. Just all sorts of jackass stunts that now is the staple.

The bumfights mentality. Yeah, it was even pre-bumfights. And they were called the Whiskey Videos and there was like 28 volumes of them and they were all always guys smashing but not beer bottles uh like liquor bottles over the head and those are thick glass and so uh inspired by that one of the guys that we were hanging out with was like because the thing was these guys would always smash it over the the back of the head i guess that was the place to hit it i don't really but this guy smashed it the the back of the head i guess that was the place to hit it i don't really but this guy smashed it on the top of his head knocked himself clean out it was it was hysterical because he dropped like a ton of bricks he just knocked himself out and then we all just

stood around staring at him till he woke back up again huge goose egg on the side of his head wow and the bottle undam. Not even a scratch. Wow. Well, shall we get to know you? I don't think there's any... Really, I was more enjoying just getting to... It was kind of like Sam Easton, the folk hero. We were hearing all the legends.

I've done nothing. I came back... Did you vote? I voted. But that didn't amount to fuck all, is what happened with the vote. Yeah. By the time this podcast comes out, we'll be three weeks into our... But America will not have yet voted.

That's true. That's true. Were you surprised a little bit about the apathy of Canadians? Lowest voter turnout in the history of Canada. And did you see Alberta was at 52%? 52% voter turnout? Yeah. It doesn't surprise me. It doesn't surprise me. None of it

surprised me. The only thing that surprised me was that the Conservatives made such gains in BC. That I actually found pretty surprising. This took a turn for the snoozy. It did, but that was your own fault for bringing it up. When I voted, the only thing I wanted to bring up is how it's super easy.

Did you vote? Yes. It's super easy to vote in Canada. Because I think, yeah, the States doesn't automatically register you. In Canada, you're automatically registered. Yeah. And the guy behind me in line, it was kind of like a dream when I voted, because...

Like a good dream. Like a dream come true. Well, it was like, hey, what's... I know this person. Like, one of the guys at one of the polling stations working there was the guy who runs the Macs around the corner from here.

Oh, nice. Nice. I guess he's making an extra 200 bucks today. And the guy behind me in line was a crazy guy who had I voted at He voted monster, I think. I voted at

9 o'clock in the morning. And he had a triangle of water down from his chest down to his belt. So he just worked out? No, it was water. It was like he had just had a water balloon splashed on his stomach. And then he voted. Then he went back had a water balloon splashed on his stomach, and then he voted.

Then he went back to his water balloon fight. Wet t-shirt contest for the libertarians. I saw him later in the day at Safeway, and he was with his caretaker. He was voting, but he probably was not capable of making a decision. Well, he probably voted. There was plenty of people that were incapable of making a decision. Well, he probably voted... There was plenty of people that were incapable of making a decision, apparently. This I found very interesting.

When I was looking for what was the name of my riding, I knew where to vote, but I just didn't know the name. I knew who was in my riding, so I looked on the voting website, and there was a frequently asked questions page. And one of the frequently asked questions was, is it legal for me to eat

my ballot? And I don't believe that that was a frequently asked question. I think that was asked one time and they were like what was the answer? No, it's not. Well, tampering with a ballot is technically illegal but if you sat in the

basically if you sat in the thing and ate the ballot piece by piece and didn't return it, then they couldn't do anything to you. What if you took a laxative and so you ate it super fast and digested it and shat it out and then put it in the ballot box? That was the second link on the Frequently Asked Questions. I didn't find out, but that was on there. All right. So, yeah, that was my week. Because I was in the last podcast we did.

I had just come back from hanging out at West Edmonton Mall for a week. And that was – I talked about the military fight. Did I talk about the guy that dressed like Joker? Yeah. Yeah, so we covered a lot of ground there. Last time I at west edmonton mall i was middling for erwin barker right and uh fabulous canadian comedian i think he's i think he's the best i've ever seen um you're not gonna get any argument in this room that's for sure um yeah so uh i'm middling for him and uh he had a meeting with somebody right after the show. And you know how they have all the tunnels? Was it a sea lion?

Yeah, a meeting with a sea lion. Right after the show, he had to meet with a sea lion. Tick-tock, Erwin. And you know how they have all the alleys in the back? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you know, for all the cleaners and the garbage and everything. I met, I was, Erwin said, okay, it's going to take me about half an hour,

45 minutes with a sea lion. And then when I'm done, in about half an hour, 45 minutes, meet me at the bar. So I was like, cool. And so I had some drinks with the staff. And then I went into the back alley and then I got lost.

Yeah, it's a labyrinth back there. Oh yeah, I got lost. So then I think this is the right door, right? No word of a lie. I push the door open and I see two guns come out of a car, and three people get shot, maybe 25 feet from me. What the fuck?

Yeah. And I'm just... And then the brown car takes off. And then all this madness ensues with people coming out, because their friends are shot. And then I went to SeaWorld. Yeah. You went to go see the SeaWorld. Is that for real?

Did you actually? Wow, Jesus Christ. Nothing ever happens to me. No, well, you don't. Sam Easton goes out in the world. That's true. Nobody's going to get shot in this apartment. It's very funny, though.

I was hanging out with Sean LaComber. Hilarious comedian, Sean LaComber. He's the sharpest. When I hang out with Sean LaComber, Hilarious comedian, Sean LaComber. He's the sharpest. When I hang out with Sean LaComber, I think that I should find a different profession. He was on the broadcast many months ago. I'm never going to be as funny as LaComber. He told me a hilarious story involving

another very funny comic from Edmonton named Andrew Iwanek. One night, this story, I was telling it to somebody today, and it made me laugh my ass off, was Andrew Iwanek went on stage with a checkbook and said to the audience anytime he told a joke that anybody didn't like

he would write them a check for whatever amount they they asked for and so you know the first joke he told bombed and the lady in the front row was like I want $500 so he wrote her a $500 check and meanwhile the guy that worked the sound booth realized

that somebody had stole his checkbook. Should we move on to some overheards? Absolutely. Overheard. Alright, so overheard. Dave, why don't you start off this round of Overheard? All right.

Because you said you were walking along Granville Street last night. I was. I did a show last night, and then afterwards I took a little walk because I haven't had any Overheards in a while. Any very good ones. And so I was basically just fishing to overhear something funny. I was basically just fishing to overhear something funny. And there was this group of four people, two kind of stoner dudes and a hippie girl.

They were all in their early 20s. And then one girl who was really put together and wore clothes that fit and stuff. And she had a Russian accent, so she didn't know that she was hanging out with these... I presume that she didn't know the people she was hanging out with were losers. Yeah, they gave her the talk. We are cool. Yeah, in my country, I'm cool.

You are cool, yeah. But I actually had two. It was all one conversation. And these guys were walking so fast for no reason. Because all four members of them were like, why are were walking so fast uh for no reason uh because like all four members of them were like why are we walking so fast but uh one of the stoner guys uh was a musician and he had a couple of great things that he said and it was um like he was plotting out his music career and the first thing he said was, if I sell pot and make music,

I could be playing my instrument for 16 hours a day. Oh, but would you? Because he was like, if I quit my job and just sell pot, then I'll have 16 hours just to play music. And smoke pot. I'm assuming he would sleep for eight hours and then never eat or shower. Or defecate. No, he would just shit in a bucket

while he was playing the guitar. Or even deal drugs. Yeah, no, that's got to take some time. Yeah. Unless it's a drive-thru kind of affair. But even then... Unless he's the drug dealer who brings his guitar with him

and then is like, do you want to hear something? Any Jimmy Buffett fans in the house? They give you two dollars off if you listen to this shit should i do one and then we'll no no no it's all kind of part of the same energy okay let's do it and uh later he was like i just want to get some musicians together and mix some jazz with some psychedelic ambient and the hippie girl that he was with said, if you want to meet some really talented musicians, you should hang out outside of a liquor store. And she meant it.

Oh, wow. She's right. She's right, because that's where all the greats would be hanging out. Yep. Your Slashes, your lead singers of Jane's Addiction. Perry Farrell. All big drinkers, right? Am I right?

Speaking of Perry Farrell... I was going to say speaking of Slash, but go ahead. I once had a friend who told me this story of her friend who had twins, I think. Had a set of twins and named them Perry and Farrell. Wow. And I think this was the same person who once tried to rob a bank and then...

But the bank was across the street from her apartment and her getaway plan was just to go home. And everyone just saw her go back to her apartment. Wow. Did she go to jail? Did you hear about the robbery in Washington State last week? The most brilliant robbery of all time, they said. No.

Guy, okay, the first thing he did. Did they hit a wamu? No, it was one guy. Okay. One guy, right? And it was Washington State, and there was a creek right near the bank. So what he does is he goes on Craigslist and he says he's looking for – I forget exactly what the job was but you needed to wear a navy blue shirt and a surgical mask and you had to meet me in front of the bank. Okay.

So he robs a bank with a navy blue shirt and surgical mask, comes out. There's 15 guys with navy blue shirt and surgical mask. Shut up. comes out there's 15 guys with navy blue shirt and surgical masks shut up he's got a uh he's got a raft in the creek he hops in the raft goes down the creek no one ever hears from him again they they they brought in 12 or 15 guys with the surgical masks and blue shirts who were just it's like that's the whole police that's the whole police lineup there was one that i remember hearing about this This was from the 80s, and there was a guy. This was in the prairies. I think probably Saskatchewan, because there would be these little banks that farmers would take their...

Farm banks. Farm banks, yeah. They would take their money to, or whatever. Their seeds. Their seeds, their chickens, et cetera. Sure. But there would be these huge deposits, etc. But there would be these huge deposits, and so the bank would be

full, right? One day, and then the next day all the money would be taken away by a truck. So these guys had planned this out and started staking out the bank and one of the bank employees noticed that there was the same car that was parked across the street every day.

So she called the local sheriff or whatever, our CMP, and said, well, I think somebody's casing the joint. So instead of just going and arresting, they wanted to catch him in the act. So they started integrating plainclothes officers into the pattern so that they wouldn't notice. And eventually, over the course of like three weeks,

there were more plainclothes officers in the bank than there were actual bank employees. And then one day the car wasn't there and didn't show up for two hours, three hours, and then they got a call over the radio. Bank two towns over had been hit while all the RCMP was just sitting in the bank pretending to be customers.

Perfect. Yeah. But that's fucking brilliant. Craigslist. Using Craigslist, finally somebody figures out a fucking use for Craigslist. Well, Sam knows. He's vice.

I am vice. That's brilliant. Here's an overheard Senate. I don't have any overheards. That's fine. I've been listening to my iPod a lot. You're a Disney man? i'm a disney man um this is from a listener named jason bostick uh j boss j boss sent us uh he said he's got two overheards uh overheard number one the first happened after

a night of drinking when i was walking home alone um i was walking past these two guys and as they're passing, the one guy goes, no, bestiality would be like a dude fucking a dragon. It's true. And then the second one, I was at a family function this past weekend and Christmas came up during dinner.

Cousin one, what day does Christmas fall on? Aunt, I don't know. It was a Tuesday last year. Is it a leap year this year? Cousin three, I love getting super wasted on leap years because it's like it never happened. I liked how much acting I did. I like cousin three. Cousin 3 was good.

I was reading for Cousin 3. So there you go. Do you have something that would fit in that paradigm? I headlined a club last week, Vancouver Yucks, and got to know on the early show this guy named Glenn, big guy. He seemed fun, and we were talking during the show. And then when Todd Allen, Phil Hanley, great comics man, was it fun hanging out with them all week. But we were walking down

the street and we heard this girl scream stop touching me, stop dragging on my arm, stop pulling on my fucking arm and that was Glenn. It was Glenn from before. Glenn was pulling on your arm I guess. He seemed so nice. You know how to pick them.

Hanging out with the biggest drug dealer in town. Now Glenn. It keeps happening, though, the drug dealers. It's uncanny. It's really weird. Could be the big baggy shirt. Maybe that's it. You might be the only guy in town wearing a baggy shirt.

Well, tight shirts are in. There's no question about that. In Kelowna, tight shirts, no sleeves. That's the. You might be the only guy in town wearing a baggy shirt. Well, tight shirts are in. There's no question about that. In Kelowna, tight shirts, no sleeves. That's the big one. Do you like to have a lot of room in the shirt? This is your style. This is what you wear. This is how you're comfortable.

Yeah, I don't know. But I've also seen you wear a suit. Yes. Yeah, you can pull off a suit, no problem. I can wear a suit if someone dies yeah sure or gets married no no i saw you in a suit or dragon yeah but i was the best man at erwin's wedding i had to really step up still it was still a suit it was still a suit i remember that i broke up my girlfriend the night before broke up my girlfriend the night before really

his wedding at about 9 45 10 o'clock, Erwin and his wife went away. And it was a day of such beauty and all that stuff. And at about 10 o'clock, I crossed the street to the Bossman Motor Inn because it was my buddy's stag.

So I just seen such beauty. It's like... Such beauty and such love. And I crossed the street. And you were overcast. I'm there for maybe four minutes. And three hookers come in. The one hooker called herself the apprentice.

And she blew everybody in there. And then she said, you're fired. But she blew everybody in there except for Mark and myself. With that little bitter. And she never had a condom. She never put a condom on anyone. She was blowing them all. I remember I saw a buddy of mine. I won't put a condom on anyone. She was just blowing them off. I remember I saw a buddy of mine,

I won't mention his name, on this show, but the door swung open and he was soaping his ball sack. Because I guess he had to crawl into bed with somebody in a little bit. Whatever.

Oh, so that's not suspicious? He comes home and his balls are smelling like soap? His balls smell phenomenal. Another thing I'll never forget was... Dudes and Roses or Motley Crue technique. Or Smell Yo Dick. Or Smell Yo Dick.

That's the best song of all time, man. Smell Yo Dick. Motley Crue had a method whereby when they would cheat on their girlfriends, before they went home, they would stick their genitals in a burrito. Not a bad idea. From 7-Eleven. Yeah, from 7-Eleven. But one of the other...

Microwaved on low. No suspicion. One of the other strippers, her big move, and I'd never seen it in my life. Wait, you said there were hookers before. Now they're strippers? Well, I call all strippers hookers. so this one hooker she had this move i never seen in my life where she would squirt in the air why she would shoot up in the air and and i remember it looked like uh i remember only now it looked like root beer float oh jesus it's just to be a classy show and and the big

thing was my mom listens to this show she would squirt in the air and everybody would run away. Like little kids like, ahhh! Everyone would be so afraid of it, right? She would squirt in the air and then we'd all run to one side of the room. It was like Red Rover or some shit, right? God, man. So from such beauty to such beauty at everyone's wedding

to such horrifying shit. The most horrifying thing I've seen. Sam Easton can sure spin a yarn. He really could. The only two things I remember about that wedding were sitting in the church next to Stacy, who used to be the bartender at the Urban Wild. Great guy.

And he had just bought a new fancy super tiny camera and spent the entire ceremony proceedings taking photos of the guy in front of them ball spot and all these different angles so he had about 30 photos Larry and I was I was tears rolling down my eyes because I was stifling it and but every time he'd take a photo he would just turn the camera just slowly towards me so I could see what no pictures ever not one for the whole wedding all of this guy's bald spot i came up with the perfect wedding joke at that wedding uh anybody listen all the listeners can use this joke it's it's always it's always worked i've done

it once since i've only been one wedding since but like i can't tell you it makes 80 year olds laugh five year olds laugh it is the perfect wedding joke all you say is you know how you look up to this guy you know he's been your buddy for so long until he met this woman this woman who was capable of giving him some or no who gave him something that i'm incapable of giving him just that yeah and people lose their shit it's very funny anybody listening can use that joke because you did it and i remember but it was done because your your speech up until that point well i've i had heard it before right then you i don't think you were i think i don't think he was giving it a hundred percent

but also you fuck you dave but i remember your speech was very it was very like heartfelt and uh touching we didn't know he was dying we didn't know he was dying no this was this was pre-death. For anybody who doesn't know or who never has had the pleasure of knowing who Irwin Barker is, he's a very, very phenomenal comedian from Canada who, about a year ago, was diagnosed with cancer. Still alive. There was a documentary that came out about him about three weeks ago now. You were in it. Yeah, called that's my time

that's my time and he's still alive he's still working on like the biggest comedy show in canada the mercy report and yeah he's he's still he's still married and uh he's living in toronto and he's he's got brand new bunny rabbit hair yeah it's soft It's so soft. He was given a year to live. Yeah. And that year came up on June 13th. Mm-hmm. Still alive. And he looks great.

Yeah, he's a phenomenal funny man. And so, yeah, that was the wedding. It was a good time, I think. I got drunk. You got drunk. It was a great time. But it was great. It was all these comics, getting drunk.

Sean Proudlove wore a suit, which you're never going to see that twice. Maybe somebody dies. That might be the next time. Even then, I think he'll wear a sweater. Do you guys think that I mean, stand-up comedy hit late 70s,

right? Late 70s. 80s was the boom. Early 90s was pretty hot. Very much so, definitely. Late 90s, early 2000s, all hot. the boom early 90s was pretty hot very much so, definitely late 90s, early 2000s, all hot now they're all going to die all those comics who drank themselves like crazy, they're all going to start dying oh and coke, yeah, not just drinking

yeah, like just crazy drugs because that was during a time when you could afford drugs like I mean, the comics that are doing drugs now can seldom afford them. Like, they're not... This isn't the Sam Kinison area where we're doing, you know, piles of coke.

But cocaine isn't cool to me. I know to most of our generation right now, the guys who do cocaine... Could go to Kelowna. Yeah, Kelowna. Join a dance punk band. Yeah. But I mean, with cocaine now,

like, you see people who do cocaine, they talk your fucking ear off. They just talk and talk and talk and talk. They have nothing to say and then they start lying. I have a close friend who says he won't do coke anymore because he'll lie for no reason. He'll look people in the eye and just start lying. I do that without coke. I lie constantly. Somebody's like, have you ever been to Pinscher Creek?

And I'll be like, yeah, probably. I think so. I used to cross-country ski there. You know, but yeah, Coke only helps that along. Right. I don't know. Yeah, all those guys are going to die. I mean, they've already kind of started dying.

Wait, people are going to die? Yeah, I really think starting in a couple years, let's say like from 2010 to 2020, all of the comics that you look, like all the comics that I looked up to, the Canadian comics, who are such hardcore alcoholics and who do so much blow, are all going to start having heart attacks. Yeah. Well, that's the way you want to go. Heart attack? Yeah, I don't know.

Is there any, what other way do you want to go? I want to jump off an ocean liner and try and swim to shore. Oh, yeah. Okay. And then die in the and try and swim to shore. Oh, yeah. Okay. But die in the progress. Die in the progress. Okay, let's go. Yeah, it just happened.

Yeah, you're going to try to be naturalized. Off of an ocean liner or a cruise ship? Ocean liner. Oh, so you'll be working on deck? I want to work on the sea. Off the coast of the Philippines. Off the coast of the Philippines. You want to work on some kind of banana boat?

Some kind of banana boat. Actually, I was thinking, you know the warships, the Somali pirates? Yeah, yeah. You want to be a pirate? I'd love to be a Somali pirate. Oh, man. What a lifestyle. What a lifestyle.

Yeah. Yeah. They just don't take shit. I kind of admire them. That's what I've always respected about Somali pirates. That's what everybody loves about pirates. They fuck around. They don't take shit.

But modern pirates are like... Well, they're modern, for one thing. Yeah. So they've got motors on their bikes. So they've got GPS. No peg legs, right? No peg legs. They'll just...

I wonder how that was ever a good decision to put a peg for a leg. Now the pirates these days are like that guy who tried out for the Olympics and he was in the Nike commercial and he's got a soul, but he's not a soldier uh yeah yeah spring like guy yeah spring like um yeah a lot of them quit pirating piracy and go into track and field is can you use piracy for that can you say is that if i'm a somali'm a... Yeah, that's what piracy is. They've

co-opted piracy to mean something very not pirate-ish. Like, pirate, you know, it involved not showering, growing some sort of facial hair at the very least. I think a lot of computer dudes don't shower. Yeah, you're right. On that token, they're very similar. And probably have exotic

birds and pets. Software and music and movie piracy has become kind of ubiquitous where single moms are doing it. Single moms? Married moms. Let's not forget the married moms. All kinds of moms are doing it. Both kinds of moms.

They run the gamut from singles to marrieds. Singleds out. Remember that, Joe? Mm-hmm. But yeah, so you're going to be a pirate. That's how you want to die. I want to... You want a pirate death.

A pirate death for me. I would like to just take a sail around the Somali pirates and see if they want to hold me hostage. Yeah. Well, first you've got to get captured, and then you've got to earn their respect. Yeah, exactly. You've got to prove to them you're an asset.

What is that syndrome when you're in love with your captors? Stockholm Syndrome. Somali Syndrome. Somali. Well, you know, I'm just happy that the Somalis have something. Yeah. Well, grain. They have a lot of grain.

They have grains. Well, there's no question their economy's been struggling. They have been affected by this global crisis more than anyone. They shouldn't have borrowed as much money to buy houses. In that day, they know it. Why did they invest? The subprime mortgage was a bad market for them. Subprime Somali mortgage, man.

Yeah, I feel you. My favorite thing recently is that uh you know everybody's like i would i assume that everybody in this room is fairly broke or often close to broke um you know when they say like a lot yeah me too i'm thirsty and hungry as well when they say you know oh well it's really going to be hard to get a loan now it's really going to be hard to get credit. Does that just make you go like, no, I'm prepared for that?

Like, don't you feel now that you're like ironclad? Well, you know... Because you never had... Well, how are your investments? Yeah, yeah. I've got a lockbox buried in an undisclosed location. Yeah, yeah. Somehow my money wasn't in the stock market

when this all broke down. Miraculously, it was still in my hands. Yeah, it's still in the bowl. Unfortunately, no one takes $2 bills anymore. Thank God for that. I've got it all locked up in UNICEF boxes. Oh, yeah. That's not a bad Halloween costume.

UNICEF. UNICEF. You have the box. We're stockpiling on episodes and uh i think we missed halloween yeah we probably have already missed halloween uh so any happy hallow scream anybody yeah everybody well i was i was thinking about a halloween outfit a good halloween outfit i was thinking of being the harlem globetrotters right All of them? Yeah, all of them. Were you going to do that thing where there's the Michael Jackson or the Village People?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely. And then the big gag, I thought, would be you'd have your music, you know, do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. And then the big gag would be you'd have all these little mini basketballs, right? But you'd douse them all in alcohol or in some kind of...

Some sort of spirit? No, you'd douse them all in alcohol or in some kind of... Some sort of spirit. You douse them all so that you just... And then you light them on fire and just pass them to somebody. That is a good gag. Yeah, and if it's an outdoor party. I want to make a giant one of those, one of those village people things. But it would be the Ocean's 13.

I want to make, when you said giant, I thought you meant make one that's like 12 stories high and then the little guy is the tiny little guy controlling it by hydraulics. It's the world's biggest Michael Jackson one man show. Yeah, Janet Jackson is okay.

She's alright. She's okay. Yeah, she's going to recover. She's okay Yeah she's gonna recover She's fine She's been yo-yoing a bit in the diet It's just migraines Oh is that it? Oh yeah yeah She's got those triggers

But I just want everyone out there to know that she's okay Also going back to Nick Cannon He just married Mariah Carey Oh that's gonna work out Mariah Carey Those kids are gonna last When I think of Nick Cannon, I think of fraud. Fraud is the word that comes to mind.

Like male fraud? You know? Maybe he's a female? He's a fraud. Moonlighter? He's a fraud. His dad is a preacher, right? So he's the son of a preacher man?

He's the son of a preacher man. Wow, he's the only one that could ever please me. What, really? Seriously? I'll give him a holler. That's disgusting. That is disgusting. So he's always drinking in his videos, right?

Oh, he's got the pimp cup, right? I don't see videos anymore. What is it filled with? Capri Sun? Is that what's in there? I don't know. Sunny D? Purple stuff? I don't know. Sunny D? Sunny D? Purple stuff? I want that purple stuff. Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know. But he single-handedly... He's just unwatchable. He's unwatchable. Single-handedly, he ruined my career. Really? Single-handedly. Single-handedly? Come on, you didn't have any hands in that. There were many hands involved. There were many hands involved. But here's a question. single-handedly come on you didn't have any hand in that I think we all had a hand in that okay I think there were many hands involved

alright there were many hands involved but here's a here's a question because the weird thing is about the and people our listeners in America

probably don't appreciate this as much that we have a weird media relationship with the states wherein we don't get specifically with Nick Cannon well Nick Cannon

was a guy that just all of a sudden was in movies up here. There was no precursor to it. He was on, I guess, shows in the States. We had the Nick Cannon show on Disney. Right, but we didn't have that channel at the time. And then he had a show on MTV, didn't he? While in Out.

Yeah, While in Out. He's too legit to quit. And then all of a sudden there's a guy that's in movies. So we don't get... Sometimes we miss a huge step in how it suddenly became a thing where this is the new thing. For a while, the super nanny was just a regular nanny.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We just got regular nannies. She's not very good. CRTC rules. Every other thing she tries is ineffective. Yeah. Yeah. RTC rules.

Like, every other thing she tries is ineffective. Yeah. Yeah, Nick Cannon came out of nowhere, became a huge star, and right now he's fucking Mariah Carey. Well, I doubt he's fucking her. Well, they're married, and that's not fucking... If any comedian will tell you. Yeah, if 1980s comics have taught me anything, once you slip that ring on, you might as well get your rose dropped off.

But I also think that I've heard that alcohol makes your cock soft. What? What? And I've heard that the more you drink... What about Capri Sun? That's a good question. I hear that Capri Sun keeps you drunk. Capri Sun makes your cock soft, but makes your balls incredibly hard.

Sorry, it's like Junior Juice does the same thing. Should we do a thing? Should we do another segment? Why don't we do Bow Wow or Romeo? Oh, yeah! Let's do that. Can I sing the theme song? Yes, please. I said it's Bow Wow or Romeo.

It's Bow Wow or Romeo. It's Bow Wow. If you're unfamiliar with the segment, Dave will read off facts. Some of them aren't even facts. Some of them are just a single word, and you have to decide. If it's more Lil Bow Wow or more Lil Romeo. All right. Now, both Lil Bow Wow and Lil Romeo have lost the Lil in their name.

And that's L-I-L apostrophe. Apostrophe. That's right. Apostrophe. That's right. They're not apostrophes. All right. Here's right. Apostrophe. That's right. They're not apostrophes. All right. Here's some fun facts.

Guess which one's older. Oh, easy. Bow Wow. Bow Wow. Now, I'm not going to lie to you. I'm a huge fan of both these artists. You should have lied to us. I've grown up in the hip-hop world.

You know, MC White Cheddar, Blitch. Guess which one's taller. I'm going to go with Bow Wow. Romeo. Romeo's much taller. Damn, nice. I think about it. This is no motherfucking joke.

I'm going up. This is a David and Goliath story. Starting here. You're in trouble. You are in trouble. I know. I am the David. I get it.

Wake it up. Okay. Well, they each have a clothing line. Okay. Why does that make have a clothing line. Okay. Why does that make you laugh? I'm just going to name them. Do you respect these artists? No.

Oh, my God. You know what? I don't know if I'm comfortable following this through. All right. Is one of them Love Angel Music Baby? Yes. Okay. You got to answer that one before the question every time.

Love Angel Music. Would I get in trouble if I started my own clothing line and called it Baby Love Angel Music? Blam. Blam. Blam. I like it. Blam. Okay.

Shago. Shago? Is one of the clothing companies. S-H-A-G-O. Shago. Sha... S-H-A-G-L? O. O. Shago. of the clothing companies sh ago shah shh a GL Oh Oh go I'm gonna go with Romeo I'm gonna go with Romeo bow wow Romeo's clothing company is called P Miller

shorties oh no that sounds really old-timey. Like they make ribbon hats. Okay, guess which one... He Miller shorties. We make short pants. Guess which one has guested on Moesha. The other choice is the Hughleys. Oh, no, Bow Wow. Which one has guested on Moesha, and which one has guested on the Hughleys?

Bow Wow on Moesha, Romeo on the Hughleys. I'm going to do the opposite. Graham's right. Bow Wow on Moesha, Romeo on the Hughleys. I'm going to do the opposite. Graham's right. Bow Wow on Moesha. I seem to recall that episode. Shit. Fuck. Remember Moesha? UPN. And it's Zenith.

There's some facts that are the same fact. They're both the youngest person to have a number one in the rap R&B chart. How are they both? I think Bow Wow had it first. He's two years older. And then Romeo had it afterwards.

Okay. All right. They're both strong black women. Right. We all are. Sisters doing it for themselves. I'm Oprah's friend, Gail. 9-11.

Disaster. Death. It's not word association. Okay, sorry. Okay, go again. 9-11. I'm going to say Bow Wow because I have a feeling that he cut a track

for the firemen. That seems like something Bow Wow would do. I know that Bow Wow was in the fireman's calendar but I'm thinking I'm thinking that Romeo was on one of the planes. But survived through the power of his awesome hip hop and positive thinking. I'm thinking that Romeo was on one of the planes but survived through the power of his awesome hip hop and positive thinking

Romeo was three blocks away from ground zero at 9-11 oh wow like four days earlier he has the photos to prove it no the day of alright basketball that's bow wow isn't it He has the photos to prove it. Okay. No, the day of. All right.

Basketball. Oh, easy. That's Bow Wow, isn't it? It's a bewizzle. But no, no, but Romeo plays too. This is actually a debatable one. Yeah, but doesn't Bow Wow have a song about basketball? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, you're thinking of Aaron Carter. Oh, yeah, that's right. I am thinking of Aaron Carter. I hope you're thinking about Aaron Carter. Well, nightly. That song where he played against shack the thing where he says i love to play basketball well well bow wow started in uh i like or or like mike mike yeah yeah yeah but romeo has a basketball scholarship to usc yes i just read about that. Where did you read about that? In the sports section. Not a full scholarship.

I don't know if he got a full sports scholarship. Didn't he walk onto the team? I'm not sure. According to Wikipedia, he got a scholarship. His dad tried out for the Raptors. He's the Master P. Master P tried out for the Raptors. He's also tried out for the Hornets before they moved. Humiliatingly, Master P now yeah. Master P tried out for Raptors. He's also tried out for the Hornets before they moved.

Also, humiliatingly, Master P now on Celebrity... What is it? Celebrity Fat Pieces of Shit? Fit Club? Yeah. Oh, wow. He's on that. He is on that. Remember when he was cool?

Now he's on a show judged by Ant. Was he the one who said, uh, na-na-na-na? Yeah. Uh, na-na-na-na. Everything went, uh, like, down in the club, uh-uh. Okay. Wild Wild West. Hmm.

With Will Smith? I'm just saying Wild Wild West. I cannot clarify. Oh, so it's somebody on the soundtrack. I don't know. I'm pretty sure. I'm going to go with Bow Wow. Bow Wow.

You're both right. Bow Wow. He was on the soundtrack. Romeo would have been too young to be with Bow Wow. You're both right. Bow Wow. He was on the soundtrack. Romeo would have been too young to be on the soundtrack. Bow Wow was a full two years older. That's true. And finally, Gigi the Giraffe.

Ooh. I'm going to say that that's Romeo because he's younger. I'm going to go with that. Little kids love giraffes. Romeo is the spokesperson for Los Angeles Earth Day along with his animated

creation, Gigi the Giraffe. Oh yeah, because he's a gangster, right? Gigi the Giraffe. But why is Gigi the Giraffe? Because Gangsta Gangsta the Giraffe. Oh, I get it. He's got a stutter. Even though it's spelled G-E-E-G-E-E. Wow.

And Master P is such an interesting story. He had a record shop in L.A. It was next to a burger place, apparently, because he was fat as shit, no? But then he's got to get celebrity fit. Master P stands for empanadas. Well, okay. I couldn't even afford to start a new beat. Oh, no. Master P meal and a few sandwiches? How about that? Oh, no.

Master P gets hit by a car. He gets 15, 20 grand or something for being hit by a car. He closes down his record shop and he takes 20 grand back to New Orleans, opens up, what was his album company called? No Limit Records. No Limit Records. There's No Limit. And then they sell 300 million copies of their albums, of his artist's albums. He limit records. There's no limit. And then they sell 300 million copies

of their albums, of his artist's albums. He was huge. Enormously huge. Yeah, he was huge. Because then he signed Snoop,

took Snoop away when Snoop was running from Suge Knight. Which Snoop? Snoop, Snoopy dog. Okay, that's the

dog one. Here's a question for you. Not Scoop Rockefeller. Lady Snoop Rothschild On the Celebrity Fit Club There's also Da Brat What was her thing?

Because now she's been on two reality shows And I don't recall her Da Brat was big when I graduated in 97 Did she have a big album or one song? The Bad Bad Bitch Isn't it I'm a Bad Bad Bitch? Wasn't it a big song? Did she have a big album or one song? Yeah, the Bad Bad Bitch. Isn't it I'm a Bad Bad Bitch? Wasn't it a big song among us? Among Graham and I?

We were more MC Light fans. Yeah, we were huge in MC Light. Yeah, Da Brat had Funktified. I think the album was called Funktified. And it was like a huge platinum kind of deal? It was a big, big album. Okay. I've seen her on two reality shows. I haven't a clue who she is.

Da Brat was one of the first female rappers to hit. So she paved the roads for greats like Lil' Kim. Tiny Lil' Kim. It's Lil. Oh, yeah. I pronounce it in the... How come she hasn't lost the Lil? Neither has Lil' Wayne.

Because she hasn't grown up. The other ones have got... Yeah, they've gotten taller. They've gotten taller. Like Lil' Wayne's... She's as tall as she hasn't grown up. The other ones have gotten taller. She's as tall as she's going to get. Unless she wears those crazy platforms that she's so famous for. I'd put a condom on and go to town with Lil' Kim. When you say that,

you actually mean you'll go to town and go shopping? No, I guess when I say that, I mean I don't usually wear condoms. Sam Houston's a classy man. And when he says I would put a condom on he also implies that he'd wear a top hat

during that transaction. And when he said condom he used air quotes. Let's wrap it up with a round of Celebrity Crush Act because I'm very curious to see... Fine with me. Let's play the theme song of Celebrity Crush Hat, because I'm very curious to see... Fine with me.

Let's play the theme song. Celebrity Crush Hat, crushing the hats. Celebrity Crush Hat, go fuck yourself. Celebrity Crush Hat, chapeau chinois. Celebrity Crush Hat, crush hat. Celebrity Crush Hat, if you've never heard of it, is Sam Neeson will draw

a number out of the hat, and depending on what number it is, will dictate an age. And he will tell us what celebrity or celebrities you had a crush on at that age. Now, if you draw a number that you don't really have any instant connection,

you can redraw it. All right, celebrity crush hat. 14. 14, that's beautiful. You've definitely been 14. 14. I was 14 because it good one. You've definitely been 14. 14. I was 14 because it was just after Alyssa Milano. Just before Tony Danza.

Can I ask how old you are? I'm 29 years old. I just turned 29 on October 4th. 1979 you were born. This would be about 93, 94. 93, 94. So Alyssa Milano, definitely a possibility. No, I think it was just after Alyssa Milano.

Okay, so you've gone last. Right before Alyssa Milano was from the Wonder Years. Winnie Cooper. Winnie Cooper has been a popular. Danica McKellar. Winnie Cooper, Alyssa Milano. And then I was 14, Tiffany Amber Thiessen. 93. Oh, Tiffany Amber Thiessen, because she's a bad, bad bitch.

Okay, she's depressed. And, of course, Tori Spelling. Now, is she not the ugliest woman that's ever been on television? Yeah. Well, no, I mean, there's other. There's Sarah Jessica Parker's. I don't think Sarah Jessica Parker's that ugly. She's kind of mannish.

Yeah. Is she mannish? She's pretty mannish. I never cared for her. Take another look. All those sex in the city broads are nasty, though. I like Charlotte. I always thought Charlotte had a little something.

Yeah. What if I keep moving my head like this? Is that okay? I'm attracted to men, so. Yeah, yeah. Tony Danza, right? You're Danza's. You're big. You're burger. You're the other guy. Yeah, Crystal Light. Wasn't it Crystal Light was Tony Danza, right? You're Danzes. You're big.

You're Burger. You're, uh... Yeah, Crystal Light. Wasn't it Crystal Light was Tony Danza's from Who's the Boss? What? Crystal Light. No, no, no, no. Judith Light?

Judith Light. Crystal Light was a beverage. It was a powdered beverage. Sam Easton was attracted to Jell-O powder 14 years old 1993 and

okay so so you would have been okay I know who it is you know who it is I know who it is the the girl from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

not Hillary but the younger one Ashley Ashley oh ba-bam yeah yeah she wanted to force feed Ashley and I had no idea The girl from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Not Hillary, but the younger one. Ashley. Ashley. Oh, ba-bam. Yeah, she wanted to force feed Ashley, and I had no idea how to force feed at the time. I'm not even sure that I know what that means now.

Force feed. That means that you... Oh, I thought you were saying force field. No, force feed. The French call it la gavache. Force feed just basically means you put your left hand over her mouth

okay well I think that's enough in this show we respect women we do good talk Sam Easton this has been a fascinating podcast thanks for coming out it's been a pleasure

do you have anything to plug this will be coming out like three weeks from now so we'll be kind of almost in november do you have anything coming up in november that you want to plug well i do i have my first uh album my first album will be uh tell them what it's called it's a great name uh white cheddar goes with everything you're white cheddar i am white white motherfucking cheese i should have introduced you as such off the top i feel feel bad now. No worries. But yeah, I have my first album, and I'm going to sell it out of the trunk of a car.

You don't have a car currently. No. No, but you'll find one. Well, it might not be my car. I like the idea if you show up to a gig, and before the show, you kind of canvas the audience, who's got a car, and who can I can i sell cds out of the trunk of your car and you make it a thing i'll be out in the and then you know you find out what kind of car it is and then i'll see you outside it'll be i'll be in the uh you know the dodge viper or whatever

with the yeah and then i'm also selling do eggs yeah that's a really uh because you took well you explain it i took uh pictures of myself in seven different colors of do-rags. For those of you who don't know do-rags, they're like a poor man's bandana. Like a really poor man's bandana. Well, like a black man's bandana. Whoa, hey. Oh. No.

That's not what I was saying at all. When I think bandana, I think Hulk Hogan. He's obviously rich. He's getting the top quality. Everybody else is wearing a poor man's bandana as far as I'm concerned. Okay. Okay. That's valid.

And on the cover of the do-rag, there's the same black dude. He's got a mustache and he's got an angry look on his face. So what I've done is I've taken that out. Same black dude as what? Well, just the same dude on every do-rag. On every package. And so what I've taken him out and I've put in a picture of me wearing the do-rag. We're all thinking it.

You're all thinking it. And so I just... Some of the pictures are me with a real hard look. Some pictures are me with a big old smile. Is there any of you licking a lollipop? That would be great. Oh man, no. There's no lollipop spots. I'm going to get it back.

I'm going to do some more pictures. So I'm going to sell do-rags for $5. Sell my album for, I think, $15. Yeah, because then you can get yourself, for a quick and easy $20, you can get yourself an album and a hilarious Stan Easton do-rag. Yeah, yeah. And you don't need to wear it. You can put it on the wall.

But I do think in a couple years, my whole audience will be wearing do-rags, right? How great would that be if you just prescribed a thing for your audience? Like, you'd be like the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Man, if all these kids are wearing do-rags, dude, you know you made it, right? You know you made it. Now it's time to be a Somali pirate and just fuck it. It was like during the era. My favorite ever thing was when, remember when Nelly was at his most popular,

and he just decided to wear a bandaid on his face? And then kids just started wearing band-aids. That's when you know that you're... If you go to a rock concert, it's uncool to wear the shirt of the band you're going to see. Is it? Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, well... Why is that uncool? Because it's always cool to wear the do-rag of the band you're going to see. But I didn't? Because it's always cool to wear the do-rag of the band you're going to see. But I didn't realize that it was not cool to wear the band's shirt. Well, because you're... Maybe it's different in hip-hoppity circles, though. Right, maybe.

Dave, we don't know. That's true. We will never know. Sam is our... He's our connection to the hip-hop world. I don't know what that means. It means thank you. Okay.

So, your album's coming out soon. So, Sammy, you'll be out in the east. Yeah, I'm going to be in Toronto. But you come back west fairly often. Yeah, my family's here. I wish I could live here. We all wish you could live here. Vancouver misses you, Sammy.

Oh, thank you. We enjoy any time you come to town. And, you know, maybe when you get the big role or whatever, then you don't have to live out in the east. You can come and live where the trees are. I hope so. I love it out here. And I believe in the community. And I do.

Todd, Alan, Phil, Hanley, and you guys. And Meyerhog moving to town. And thank you guys so much for having me. Thank you for coming out. You were wonderful. If anybody wants to write to us, we have an email and we do respond to all the listeners and thank you for all the overheards it's stop podcasting yourself i enjoy responding to the listeners uh stop podcasting yourself at gmail.com also dave does a brilliant job each and every week of posting images and

videos that go along with the topics we've talked about over the course of the podcast at stoppodcastingyourself.blogspot.com and uh we have one a week we put up these things and if you enjoyed the show tell your friends and come on back next week for another thrilling edition of stop podcasting yourself hi this is d Dave from the podcast. I just wanted to remind everyone that our official American Listener Contest is still going on. We've got about three more episodes of pre-recorded episodes. And after that, we will address your entries. Thanks everyone who's entered and keep them coming. Official American Listen contest. Go!