Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 361 - Brent Butt

Episode Date: February 16, 2015

Brent Butt returns to talk 50 Shades of Grey, Sasquatch, and drain snakes.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 361 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who will show you a whole new world. Don't you dare close your eyes, Mr. Dave Shumka. That's the song that Aladdin sings to his carpet?

Yeah. Yeah. He's so happy about his new carpet. The carpet has like a personality in that movie, doesn't it? Yeah, he's got the little tassels that are like hands and he like points at stuff. He's so happy about his new carpet. The carpet has like a personality in that movie, doesn't it? Yeah, he's got the little tassels are like hands. Yeah. And he like points at stuff. He can talk.

And he does, I'm not a crook. Yeah, you won't have carpet to kick around anymore. And our guest today, returning guest, one of our all-time fave guests. Oh. Yeah, Mr. Brent Butt. I like how that sounds. Now, this Aladdin you were just talking about. Oh. Yeah. Mr. Brent Bud. I like how that sounds. Now this Aladdin you were just talking about. I'm assuming this is the animated thing.

Yes. Because when you start talking about Aladdin, my mind went to like the old Sinbad movies. And I was trying to picture like. You mean the comedian Sinbad. Even farther back. The old stop motion anime where he would fight the Cyclops. Like Jason and the Argonauts kind of thing? Yeah. I was trying to picture the

carpet. Like with the hands moving and then I realized, oh, I'm 30 years behind. Yeah, it was Claude Rains as the carpet. Should we get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us. So. Get to know us.

So, how are things? Good. Some things are good, some are terrible. Oh, no. Yeah, what's bad? Well, war. Oh, yeah. Disease, I think, is the pit.

I don't mind telling you. I can't believe you're taking this stance on this. Yeah, Brent's going on the record. You get older and you dig your heels in. And you say, I'm taking a stand. You used to refuse to comment. But like, not all disease. Some disease is fine.

Some disease is practical. Shingles. Yeah, yeah. I've seen commercials for shingles. I guess, well, not for or against shingles. Promoting shingles. Have you tried shingles? Was it shingle awareness? I guess it against shingles. Promoting shingles. Have you tried shingles? Was it shingle awareness?

I guess it's shingle awareness. Yeah. And it's like, it's like a. It's apparently crazy nasty. Someone pulls, a guy just pulls up his shirt and he's like. That's how you get it. No better. Yeah.

Get it at Mardi Gras. Yeah, leave your shirt down. But it's like your skin is on fire, right? Apparently. Letterman had a wicked bout of shingles, apparently. But it just, it doesn't go, does it go on your face? Or is it only in the, is it a torso? My brother had it when he was a teenager.

Oh, I thought it was. And I don't understand what it is. I still don't. And it was. You're a caring brother. You're a good sibling. I was, I'm. My torso's on fire.

Who cares? I'm going to go aladdin cartoon again it was basically like you're not gonna see your brother for a few days fine oh good and when you do see him it's gonna be in a robe okay i'm prepared thanks for that heads up that actually does make a difference but it has something to do with chicken pox. It's like chicken pox meets herpes or something. Chicken pox for the soul. Chicken pox meets herpes. But all over. I'm picturing another fight now.

If you could get like diseases of the world to fight each other. Oh yeah. You might be onto something there. The robot wars and all that. People love a fight. They do. That's why we're not having our baby vaccinated. We're preparing for the big bracket.

The big disease bracket. I don't understand what the people who are saying, I don't want to vaccinate my kids because they think they're going to get autism or something. They're going to become autistic. That's part of it. There's also a thing they think. Some French people think it's mind control things that they're injecting into your. But they like, if when you combine the vaccines with the chemtrails, then you're doomed.

Yeah, it's a, it's the guy who published the paper that everybody cites has been. And if they, by the way, if you, if this is controversial to you as a listener, just turn it off. Yes. But he, I guess, they discredited it, and he came forward and said, okay, I don't know. I made a lot of it up. Listen, I drink a bit.

I fudge some numbers. Are you saying you've never lied on a national scientific paper you've published? Yeah, like, and anyway, so that, the paper that everybody keeps saying, that's the thing. It's baloney. Yeah, it's not, it didn't prove anything. But now, like, people are like, that's what they want you to believe. They're controlling your mind. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, there's no they want you to believe. They're controlling your mind. Yeah, exactly.

There's no argument for your mind as being controlled. You can't say, no, it's not. They don't want you to think, of course. It's like if somebody says you're a contrarian. Right. You can't, there's no. R2. You got to roll with it.

Yeah, yeah. Or you're proving their point. This is kind of the same thing. Yeah. If you say there's no such thing as mind control, you're like, yeah. Oh, you sheep. All the sheep think there's no mind control. Speaking of papers that are like illegitimate and have been disproven.

Yeah. Every year at the beginning of January, I think it's like the second or third Monday in January, they call it the saddest day of the year. Oh, right. Because it's the shortest days of the year. All your Christmas bills are coming in. Winter is, the end of winter is not in sight. And you've, you've, all your resolutions, you've already failed at them. Oh, right.

And apparently that's fake too. It was like a British travel company that came up with that. Sure. And then there's probably some guys like, well, why am I so sad? Yeah. Explain that. Self-fulfilling prophecy. You tell people they're sad enough, they'll start bawling.

That's true. That's paper. I'm writing. Cry it with me right now. Tell me I'm sad till I cry. That's it with me Right now Tell me I'm sad Till I cry That's a good country song Tell me I'm sad

Till I cry We got guitars here They would be Missing it I could do Like I think it's People are very suggestible With like

You have a You have a real You have an itch On your nose right now Yeah See now I'm fighting it I'm fighting your mind control Thank god I wasn't vaccinated

You just break out In shingles You'll have shingles I'm fighting it. I'm fighting your mind control. Thank God I wasn't vaccinated. You just break out in shingles. You'll have shingles. I've got a sorcery. Does vaccination protect you against witches casting spells on you? No, you know, because they didn't, we haven't had enough exposure to them over time. Because we kept burning them. Yeah, exactly. So if witches really made a big push,

we'd all be in big trouble. That was a real simple time. Witch times? Yeah, witch trials. What could they have said in their defense? It's like the contrarian thing. What could the witches have said to like turn the tide in a witch trial?

And not only that, not only are you handcuffed, are you shackled by the notion that you can't defend yourself because what would a witch say? Of course. But the trials that they used were, you know, we're going to do something that would obviously kill you. Yeah. And if God doesn't leap to your defense. That's right. Well, you're a witch is why. Yeah, yeah.

Or it was foolproof. Yeah, or if you can't witch your way out of this. Yeah. You can't witchy. So it's like. Then it's on it. Then that's our bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

How do you call this a trial? Witch me once. Shame on you. Drown you in the river. on me but then the thing is you can't even be you know it becomes such a mob thing that you can't also if there was anybody who's thinking this is a little out of line this trial he's a witch lover yeah i just gotta clam up because next thing you know i'm tied to a duck to see if it can carry me across the ocean to the new world if it can't. I'm obviously a warlock in league with the other one.

Oh, boy. Yeah. Do they have like associates of witches? Like you're a goblin and you're a troll. You're a ghoul. But you know, if I may bring this home for a minute. Okay. We were wrapping this show up quite early.

Well, I want to get to the bar and pound out this new tune. Tell me I'm sad till I cry. We're kind of living in these witchy times right now. Where not unlike McCarthyism, although it was pretty extreme. It got, you know, it was pretty extreme, it got, you know, it got pretty extreme, but here's what I find now, cause I'm not the sharpest dude, right?

And I'm, but yet I'm kind of curious about something until it gets complicated. Then I, but you know, I'm a guy who's prone to say, well, what about this? What about, right. And I'm aware, I don't know things. So I'm keen to ask questions. More preamble. I want more preamble. I'm trying I don't know things. So I'm keen to ask questions. More preamble.

I want more preamble. I'm trying to cover my ass here. No, but what I'm saying is I've kind of stopped asking questions, especially online of people because, um, both sides of the coin will jump on you with both feet for having the audacity to not already be on their side pre facts. Right.

So if you're just saying something and a big one for me with this is the whole like a fossil fuel thing is our consumption of oil causing global. Whatever the hell they say is happening. Right. Warming. Warming. Right.

So I say, okay, now if you put that question out, well, if you just ask it as a question, if you say, yeah, I want to read up on this, right? Yeah. Like where do I learn more? Yeah. Where do I know? I want to know whether this is a true or accurate.

Um, the people on the, like the left leaning people. Yeah. The ones who are very extreme on the left. Right. Jump on you with both feet for being like, how dare you suggest that this is not the truth. Right.

That we're, you know, we're hurtling towards the sun. We all know it. They jump on you and you're a corporate shill. Yeah. And at the same time, from that one question. Cooey, cooey man. Yeah. From that same question, the Looney Tunes on the far right are like, how dare you?

Oh, you like driving a car though, don't you? Right? Oh yeah. I sure do. Yeah. Oh man. I sure do. Picking up witches.

So as I don't even like it, the scary thing is I'm feeling like I don't even want to ask questions anymore and that's a even want to ask questions anymore. And that's a bad place to be. Yeah. I should just curl up in a ball and shut up. Well, this is a safe place. Do you have any questions for Graham and myself?

Yeah, yeah. What can we answer? I'm used to you guys jumping on me like a pack of hyenas. Gotcha journalism. Giggling hyenas. There are no wrong questions. There's no dumb question except the one that goes unasked. That's right. Let's say you're a gazelle or whatever to do,

a zebra. Yeah. And the hyenas are on you. Yeah. Are they laughing the whole while they're chasing you down? Oh, absolutely. That'd be extra terrifying.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what Jingle Bells is about. They're laughing all the way. See, I went right to the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie, which I didn't see. So when you said, that's what it's about, I thought that's what the movie Jingle Bells is about.

No, but like bad enough, a bunch of coyotes chasing you down, just going about their business. Yeah, no, I think that's the thing is. Professionally, they're wily. Not, you know, they're coming at you with a giant sledgehammer. Yeah.

On a rocket. There's mail order sledgehammer. But the hyenas, and then they're tearing you apart and they're laughing. Yeah. Terrible. Just laughing with your mouth full, like you're going to choke. That's your only hope.

Yeah. As a zebra, as you're being torn apart, I hope maybe they'll all choke on their laughter. They'll choke on my spleen. Inhale a popcorn kernel. What? Uh, I'm trying to think of any time I've laughed while eating.

Oh. I guess you would spit it any time I've laughed while eating. I guess you spit it out. Milk comes out your nose. Spaghetti. Noodles. That seems like something that would fly out. Soup comes out your nose. Hot chowder. Smoke gets in your eyes. Soup gets in your nose. My boy band Hot Chowder.

And their big hit. Tell me I'm sad till I cry. Yeah. The Wile E. Coyote Roadrunner world, there was never like a Christmas episode where he caught him or something like that. There was never a special episode. Very Christmassy. I don't think there's. Kids, gather around kids.

We have a special Christmas episode of the Roadrunner who you love. episode. Very Christmassy. I don't think there's. Kids, gather around kids. We have a special Christmas episode of the Roadrunner who you love. At least with Sylvester and Tweety, he got close.

Like he would just. He got him in his mouth at times. Yeah. He would get the salt on him.

He would put the handkerchief around his neck. That's right. Yeah. There were times when he actually had him in his

mouth and then like Tweety would light a candle. Yeah. Would Tweety look through his teeth like they were jail bars? Is that something? Would he run a cup on his teeth? I don't remember that, but that was, you could have obviously worked for the company in the

50s. Put one in the room. Oh yeah. Yeah, that works. There'd be people who'd be sketching that up like crazy as he spoke it. Yeah. Sylvester and Tweedy, but he was, he didn't do gadgets. No.

Sylvester, he just was always chasing. Yeah, he would do very rude, like he would build his own stilts or he would. That's right. He would fabricate his own stuff and they were usually not very good. But then. Because cats are horrible at carpentry. I don't know a lot about zoology, but I know this. Giggling hyenas, terrifying.

Yeah. And cats are lousy at carpentry. Was there? I'm more of a crypto zoology guy. Yeah, you're one of Canada's leading crypto zoologists. I'm nothing if not. Well, speaking of crypto zoology, I was watching a show on Animal Planet. 100% true.

I don't know what you're going to say, but allow me to preface it with, it's 100% true. And this came on yesterday. I was like, oh, this is perfect. Brent's a fan of Sasquatch. Slash obsessed with. And I saw this show on Animal Planet. And first of all, it was called Finding Bigfoot. And I don't know what you think about, like, should this show be on Animal Planet or what is Bigfoot?

What is Bigfoot? In your, yeah, in your, because you've read lots of books and seen documentaries. You've been following the exploits. And whenever I feel like I'm, I have a question about Bigfoot online, you always jump on it. How dare you? You're super right wing about it. I'm very right wing about it well i don't care if he exists or not but he uh he's not gonna get one of my tax dollars yeah and he should be allowed

to carry a gun as many as he wants libertarian a Sasquatch, uh, is, would be? The, the most reasonable explanation as far as, you know, and I've, I've heard some wacky ones about their interdimensional time travelers. Oh, I've never heard that. I've never heard the interdimensional, But I don't buy that. The thing that sounds most realistic to me is that they're, you know, a heretofore unknown branch off of primates. Do we know that there was a giant ape called Gigantopithecus blacki? We actually don't know how, there's conflicting reports how big it was. Right. Some say 10 feet, some say six and a half to

seven feet, depending, because they extrapolate from their bones, right? So there's some argument over how you make that extrapolation, but a big ape, bigger than our gorillas. Right. Gigantopithecus black eye. Bigger than your gorilla, your earth gorilla.

And, you know, one of the notions is that they competed with homo sapiens for the same food source bamboo and plants and what have you homo sapiens had use of tools uh could kill them from a distance and they they retreated to the mountains to avoid the homo sapiens and to this day still tend to cut us a wide berth because of our rock throwing. Now, so that means that the Bigfoot know opposable thumbs? Is that? Not necessarily. I don't think there's a.

Because isn't that what put us ahead? Look, I don't know. Look, I see a monkey and I'm like, that, I am that. Yeah. You're like, put a hat on that guy. Put him at my desk. Put a spiffy t-shirt on him. Yeah.

It's just like monkeys have thumbs. Yeah, but they don't. They're just not opposable. But what's not opposable about them? It can't touch its other finger. Is that what makes it opposable? Yeah. Yeah.

Like they can't like. There's a lot of. But can they. But there's a lot of people who think that that has very little to do with anything. I mean, they don't have opposable thumbs, but a lot of people are saying, well, this whole notion of opposable thumbs being that important. Oh, they're not really that. Yeah, they're not. Like, what can't you do?

What do you use to, what do you touch your pinky with your thumb for? Well, when I go like this, when I say spicy meatball, that's one thing I do. When you do a series of snaps. Yeah, when I give the A-OK, like, this is when I say spicy meat the ball, right? That's one thing I do. That's true. When you do a series of snaps. Yeah. When I give the A-okay, like this is all right. You could do that with your first finger. Oh, with your pinky. Oh no.

You can't do it with your. First finger. Yeah, no, that's true. Pinky and thumb, I don't, those don't ever touch. A lot of those things that, that, uh, your, your old school scientists felt separated humans from the animals, we're finding animals do, right? That's true.

A lot of these things, like the use of tools, that was a big one. They thought, well, the big thing that separates humans from animals is they don't use tools. And we're finding they use tools like crazy. Yeah. You'll see them down at Home Depot quite often. Yeah.

Big shopping cart full of jigsaws. An octopus just taking a bunch of saws. Where's your extension cords? Do you know how to use that? I'll figure it out. I'm an animal. I'm just buying a lot of it. I'm too embarrassed to ask anyone what I actually need. A lot of these jerks don't even think I can use it.

That's what he also says when they ask him to pay. I'm an animal. I got the best of both worlds. Tool usage without having to pay for it. I don't have pockets, I'm an animal. The tool he's using is logic.

But they, that was the one, and then the self-awareness, and they found out that a lot of your smarter animals, which I'm always, I find it intriguing, these eggheads who figure out how to test something. Like I couldn't, like if you said to me, how would you test to see if an animal's self-aware? How the hell would you come up with? I would write him a letter and I would see if he writes back.

That's all I could come up with. I would lay out 10 headshots. See which one he says. Write him a letter. Like, what have you been up to? And if he asks. He doesn't write back. Yeah, he's like, idiot animal.

Oh yeah, that was me. What did I do yesterday? Oh, I was the guy who did that thing that I was there for. I wrote a letter to a monkey. Yeah. Oh, hang on. But they, here's one of the ways they came up

with this test. They put paint on a chimp's forehead and there was a mirror there and they had, previously they had exposed the chimp to the mirror for quite some time. Right. As part of their environment. And then when they put the paint on the

chimp's forehead, he could feel there was something there. Wasn't sure what it was and went to the mirror to look at it and peel it off. So that was the determination that they're realizing that that's me. This is a reflection of me. I got something on my head.

That's pretty savvy to come up with that. What about me? Suddenly they started getting all whiny. All of themselves. Yeah. Why don't you put paint on my head? So on this Bigfoot show, it was, they were on Prince of Wales Island, which they misspelled. Misspelled it like whales?

Yeah. Swimming whales? Yeah. Prince of Wales Island. They spelled Prince like the musical artist. They just had his symbol and then like a blue whale. That's something else they're looking for is the Prince of Wales. In Alaska.

And someone, there was a woman who had had an encounter with a Bigfoot. And her like, like she was driving along and a stick hit her car right and so she got out and uh she found the stick and it smelled really bad in her words it smelled gross no bigfooty yeah and there was a bigfoot in a tree who had thrown it oh wow she saw the Bigfoot in the tree? Yeah. With piercing green eyes. And so this Bigfoot.

Got an eye piercing? It had an eye patch pierced onto it. And so this Bigfoot investigator, who like might have been an undercover Bigfoot. Oh, yeah. No, I know who you mean. He was like a, his name was Bobo. Yeah. I've seen this show.

He's a guy that they, cause he's a big dude. He's like six foot four, six, five or something. And he's hairy. And so they'll use him. They'll go, okay, well you go climb in the rocks. That's exactly what they did. And they strap, shimmy up that pine tree. Well, I don't know if I can get up there.

And he's the one that keeps coming back. I'm telling you, there's no Bigfoot. But it's just the show is a misnomer, right? Because they're not finding Bigfoot. No, they're just looking. Searching. But what, like, what would it be like if, say, if he was a Bigfoot? If he was just like a Bigfoot who was born into regular society.

Yeah. He's trying to hear everybody wrong. Infiltrated a group of, or he's been sent here by the Bigfoot. Uh-huh. Big feet. He shaved them down. Yeah. He gave them a jacket that they found.

Yeah. On a hunter that they threw a stick at. That they thought sounded like something we would come up with. Bobo. Bobo. But he, his. And his task is to send us on the wrong, down the wrong Creek. Yeah.

He's saying we got to look more in Detroit. Bobo's conclusion for this Bigfoot was that Bigfoots are just like people and you know, there's smart ones and there's dumb ones. This sounds like a pretty dumb one. Hanging out in the trees. So says Bobo. Yeah.

Throwing stinky sticks at cars. Says a man named Bobo. The other Sasquatches are like, we're trying to be inconspicuous. Get down on it. You scratch your ass with a stick and throw it at a car. Well, you know Bigfoot, finding Bigfoot people are in town with their cameras. You know that stick's going to smell gross.

Then you just stare at the lady. You don't even run away. You wave at her. You pierce your eyes. That's one of the things, as a guy who's interested in cryptozoology and it's, you know, specifically Bigfoot, really, I'm not.

Do you have a second favorite? You know, I kind of, I guess it would be a distant second, but it would be your classic sea serpent monster. Loch Ness. Loch Ness and Ogopogos, right? Yeah. But I'm not, they don't interest me as much.

If I see a story in the paper, I'll stop. But, um, I have Bigfoot and Sasquatch Google alerts on my phone. So I, they pop anytime it's in the news. And what, what type of thing is it? Is it sightings? Nine out of 10, it's, it's the, the word Bigfoot has been used in, like a Bigfoot burger is on sale.

Yeah. Right. A Sasquatch of a sale. Um, but yeah, but a lot of it is just, you know, more and more now it's about the show finding Bigfoot is coming to tape in your area. So it'll be some local newspaper, you know. Right.

You need Volvo. Yeah. You could come down. If you have, uh, if you've ever had an encounter, come down and tell your story to these people. And we set up at the Civic Center. And then everybody in town comes down and makes up a Bigfoot stories in hopes of getting on TV.

That's right. Yeah. And they don't see where this box has a soggy bottom at all as scientific researchers. But that's one of the things like as a guy who's interested in this, the thing that, uh, I'm annoyed by, but also very amused by is how quickly they met people will make those, you

know, if your life has been looking for Bigfoot and you've never seen one ever, but this has been your life. You somehow you adopt this familiarity with this beast that you've never seen Well they love cherries more than anything Yeah This one was a dumb one

Let's not waste our time on your Bigfoot They're tremendous whistlers I have a craft that I believe was made by Bigfoot And I would like it appraised This isn't Antiques Roadshow Oh they should have Crypto Roadshow't Antiques Roadshow, sir. Oh, they should have Crypto Roadshow. Finding Antiques.

Just send Bobo out. See if he thinks something is old and valuable or not. This Jackson 5 album is from the 1500s. How is that possible, Bobo? This was made in the Shaker tradition of Bigfoot. This was made by, in the shaker tradition of Bigfoot. I wouldn't be surprised if this wasn't made by Bigfoot at all. Look at the workmanship on this. This was made by a self-aware animal using tools.

Basket weavers, rugs, et cetera. Did you see the scene where they taught crows how to use a vending machine? Like, they're finding out crows and ravens and stuff are, like, wicked smart. Yeah. If I may pretend I'm from Boston for some reason. They're wicked smart. From Good Will Hunting, the main character was a crow. They wrote, it was written by two crows. Yeah.

Good Will Hunting. Picked it out with their little pointy beaks. Same with octopi. and by two crows. Yeah. Goodwill hunting. Pecked it out with their little pointy beaks. Uh, the, uh, same with, uh, octopi.

They're finding like, Yeah. That they can figure out locks and all sorts of crazy shit that they never knew. So, it, it,

it's, we should admit as a species that we really don't know shit about shit. Yeah. That is our weak point as humans.

Yeah. Yeah. Accepting that maybe we, is our weak point as humans. Yeah. Accepting that maybe we, maybe I was wrong about this. Yeah. It's hard to say sometimes. But I did see this video of a raccoon and you know how they like to wash their food before they eat it? Yeah. So someone gave us some food and it washed it in the water and someone gave it some cotton

candy and it took it and washed it and it disappeared in the water and it just looked heartbroken. Humans do have capacity for cruelty. Off the charts. I mean, we're tremendous at it. Yeah. If we diverted any of the amount of time, like have you ever been to like a museum of.

No, let me stop you right there. We don't have to delve any further. Have you ever read to like a museum of. No, let me stop you right there. We don't have to delve any further. Have you ever read that book about. No. If you go anywhere. This doesn't end up museum of Bigfoot. No, it's museum of like torture devices. They have them all over Europe.

Like every city has like a museum of medieval torture. And you're just like, man, they spent so much time on creative torture devices like really smart 11 year olds you know ways of coming up with god awful i mean humans are pretty gross like i think i i could have come up with stuff when i was a kid like a torture machine i? I thought an Iron Maiden was the coolest thing. Yeah, well, that's still. A buddy of mine that I grew up with, he would, that was one of the things he would say, okay, okay, how about this? And that's when you knew like some crazy, but I mean, mostly it was just, he was trying to come up with something that would crack me up. Right.

And I remember losing, because I knew it was coming, and he goes, okay, okay, okay, how about this? So I knew it was going to be some torture thing coming up, and he goes, you sharpen a pencil sharp as you can get it. I never did hear the end of that. It was just the end.

There was one, it was really gross. It was like a thing, they like change your feet and then they had a goat like come and like lick your feet because goats will not, they'll just keep licking your feet until there's no foot left. Oh, I thought this was like a tickle thing. I thought this was like, well, this isn't bad. I had to pick between the goat tickling my feet.

Does a goat have like. A raspy tongue? No, just like an attention span. I had to pick between the goat tickling my feet. Does a goat have like. A raspy tongue? No, just like an attention span. Like, want to get bored of licking your foot? Yeah, maybe it was more of a torture for the goat. So naive. Yeah.

The other thing my buddy, the same buddy would come up with, if it was extremely hot or extremely cold, which it often was because it grew up in Saskatchewan, right? So the summer would be like, you know, blazing hot. 43 degrees or it'd be minus 52 right in the winter. So he would come up with things you have to do weather related, right? So like if it was a zillion degrees out, he'd say, okay, put on a skidoo suit and go stand in a window of Pearsons where the sun was beating down

and do 500 jumping jacks. Or he'd say, if it was really cold, he'd say, pour water down your back, or your bare back, and lay down on the railroad track. He would come up with these. But you're right. Like torture really is a, it's a young man's game. It's a young man's game. The Fifty Shades of Grey movie is coming out.

Yeah. And I don't know, I never read the book uh i will probably see the movie yeah i'm curious and i'm i'm into uh uh seeing two hours of that as opposed to reading it yeah um but is it like i know they do like uh uh uh sexy sexy things yeah you mean like sharing ice cream cones yeah yeah holding hands you name it but like it and it's like brushing each other's hair is it like torture stuff like would they would they get a goat to look at someone's foot um there was a cbc radio personality of some note yes so So apparently it was into similar things. He got into some trouble. He got in touch with the

But yeah, there's people who, this may shock you. Dave Shumka. There's people who like a little spanking and what have you. In the boudoir. Myself, I like to keep a pretty nuts and bolts. Meat and potatoes. I like to keep up pretty nuts and bolts i don't understand why somebody needs uh like isn't sex fun enough for you what the hell's wrong with you but like i want to know in this you need to wear a mask i know that yeah i know

it's like masks and like handcuffs and you you know, silk scarves tying you up. But like in the book or whatever. That you haven't read, once again to be clear. Have either of you? No, but I, uh. But like is it, do they like, you know, smash a bottle over each other's head? Like I want to know. Is that Fight Club?

I get 50 Shades of of green fight club mixed up. Turns out he's just doing it to himself the whole time. At one point, does one of them ride a nuclear bomb? Yeehaw! He's getting every movie I've ever seen mixed up. Do they need a bigger boat? He rides his nuclear carpet with his flapping arms. I don't know because I haven't read the book.

Is Slim Pickens in it? It's one of the maneuvers. Oh, yeah. I'm not going to perform as Slim Pickens. Brace yourself. It always seems to me that it would be so much uh preparation and then so much cleanup like so much work around yeah like it would you have to get the things ready and the thing and that's like the permission slip yeah and then afterwards it's just you can't you know

shit's all over the place. All right, well, I'll take care of this in the morning. Let's just enjoy tonight. Yeah, exactly. It's just to me purely as a lazy person. I think it's not a lazy man's game. Right. That whole scene.

I think you have to be like i think anything bored by you have to have had so much sex that you're bored by it or maybe it's just you like that's your thing you know like you discover what you thought it was or or i don't know some dude slaps you in the face and you're like oh like that's my thing and uh where you go you know i challenge you to a sex duel i don't know how anybody you know it's one of those things too where like uh it's like comedians have jokes where they're like i don't want to look at this particular thing on the internet because i don't want to find out if that's my the thing i i mean yeah but you know they there's got to be some at some point that you figure out like you're like, yep, that's my whole scene, man. According to the internet, like a large amount of people are into just cartoon characters having sex with each other.

Oh, man. And it's crazy when it's two cartoon characters from totally different cartoons doing it. Like Spider-Man and Betty Boop. How would they even meet? Yeah, Judy Jetson and Homer Simpson. You're like, ah, come on. The Hulk and anybody? That doesn't make sense.

Popeye and a Powerpuff Girl? Hang on, that's okay. Yeah, I don't know, but you're right. There's like a whole. Yeah, I didn't even know about that I mean I'm not surprised that that exists But Graham and I We go on the dark web

Oh now I can ask you guys Because that's a term I've heard The dark web and I don't know what that is Well you need to get an air gap computer Done You gotta go on a tor site No I don't know what that is i know that it uh it's like the whatever the silk road that guy i don't know well there was a guy who's just

convicted like yesterday and he was like the the mastermind of the silk road which was uh he went by the name dread pirate roberts which is is from Princess Bride. From Captain Ron. I like him already. Yeah. I'm on his side, strangely. He set up this thing so that drug dealers and all, you know, stuff that you. Starting to turn. Yeah.

And then he said he walked away from it and it took over its own life, but they found evidence or whatever on his computer. But yeah, that's what the dark internet. So it's like the dark web is not a separate internet. You need to. It's just a part of the internet where shenanigans go on. Yeah.

It's all in call duggery. But it is a different, like you couldn't get to it from Firefox or whatever. No, no. Yeah. You have to have like a specific. Like it's a DWW. Dark, wild, word of life. You need the new Internet Explorer.

Yeah, you have to download the update. What about Mozilla? What if I got the Mozilla? Can I get on? And you, yeah, and it's like you trade Bitcoins for organs. Yeah, or like whatever, what have you. Bitcoins for organs. That sums up the internet to me perfectly.

You know what's going on now? All you kids with your bitcoins. Buying organs with your bitcoins. In my days, you had to kill a hobo. Now you just go online. Yeah, I want to go on the dark web. I don't know what I'd get. What would I buy on the dark web?

Oh, you name it. Guns. Yeah. I just buy a bunch of bubble gum, just different flavors that you can't find in Canada. Did you go on eBay or the dark web? Wig wags. I got a wig wag bar. I've had one of these since 74.

Curly whirlies. Check out this Jackson 5 lunchbox. Oh, yeah, eBay. That's what I'm thinking. It's like going to Sophie's. Picking something off the wall. Although I did do a search because I bought like a thing of Starburst. And the only Starburst flavor I care for is the pink. Yeah. And so then I want to. What is that like? Strawberry? Strawberry or cherry? Yeah, kind of like a thing of starburst and the only starburst flavor i care for is the pink yeah and so then

what is that the like is it strawberry strawberry cherry kind of like a strawberry but not it doesn't really taste like anything what how many flavors does it come in there's red yellow orange and pink pink so far yellows that's in your basic starburst there's there's there's all sorts of yeah mutations dark burst. There's a whole different if you get under the darkburst. But I just googled. I was like, is there somewhere I can just buy just pinks? And there's like dudes

who just bought tons of starbursts singled out the pinks and will ship you like two pounds of pinks. Two pounds of pinks. See, you got my lingo down. You sound like you're streetwise. When we went to New York, Graham and I, and we were fitting in with

the locals and we went to the M&M store in Times Square. As they do. All risers there. Everyone on their way to and from work stops there. Grabs a handful. And you can just get them by the color yeah that's right yeah get a handful of

greens but they do all m&ms libido that's all 50 shades of gray is about he's got a whole secret room and it's just m&ms yeah and he has sex with that sexy green m&m you gotta put on this costume he keeps making her put on the green m&M costume. Fifty Shades of Green. I don't understand in the M&M commercials with the, because they vacillate between the M&Ms are beings that we can communicate with and that they're food, where the person's like, get in the bowl. You're a food now. But you're an enormous M&M.

Yeah, but like what is... That I'm going to have to enjoy over two or three cities. While you're screaming, while I'm eating you, taking your limbs off. Wouldn't you conk it on the head first? I mean, it seems like that big peanut guy would just be like... They don't have a lot of fight. You wouldn't hurt him, you know?

It's a lot like that hyena conversation from earlier. Oh, yeah. The chilling one that your listeners, uh, conversation from earlier. Oh yeah. The chilling one that your listeners still haven't been able to get past. Probably. And I wouldn't blame them one bit. That's the big culmination of 50 shades of gray. Speaking of, uh, shenanigans on the internet. Mm-hmm.

Um, so today I put out a tweet today that said, uh, something along the lines of any bio or description of me that doesn't include the phrase stone cold thug is giving me short shrift. And so. What about any bio that includes the short shrift? Well, I was like juxtaposing those. And so this guy tweets, tweets to me back and says, Wikipedia updated. He went and changed the Wikipedia to put the bio in like Stone Cold Thug.

I love it. Done. I was unnerved by it, though. Is it still there? Did you check? Yeah, I looked at it. I can't take it down. I don't know how the hell to take it down.

You don't think the Wikipedia police are taking it down for vandalism no because if he calls and says this is brand i'm not a stone cold they won't believe wikipedia what do you call uh like the little citations or whatever like the little number beside it uh-huh so then so the way the guy did it was it would say you know he's been declared a stone cold thug or something and then there's a little thing you click on for the validation of it. And it clicks to my, my original tweet, which I thought was kind of. It should also be noted that he has been proclaimed a stone cold thug by more than one person.

Yeah. Cause two people were debating about how, like, cause if he first put it down as he self-proclaimed stone cold thug, and then somebody else said, well, then it's not valid if he self-proclaimed it. I have to say it too. I have to proclaim them. Oh, okay. And so they have.

And it's like one of those witch things where if you called Wikipedia and said, I'm not a stone cold thug, they'd be like, that's exactly what a stone cold thug is. I just got off the phone with Snoop Dogg and he was trying to sell me the same ball of gumbo, mister. Yeah, you're a guy who's reformed do you want to

change my ways i'm a warm thought i always like juxtaposing those two because one of my stand-up bits that i always like doing was i was saying you know i'm very i'm nothing if not streetwise you could take me down to south central la drop me down with all the gang members, I'd fit in just tickety-boo. Yeah, it's just a matter of figuring out your blood or crib. It's just a matter of checking which bandana's in your back pocket. Well, that's true. I'd carry both. Head your bets.

And carry a third. Oh, this is a new gang. You guys don't even know about it. Which one is about to beat the shit out of me. Yeah. Because then I would suddenly align myself with them very quickly. You have a reversible windbreaker. Hang on, fellas. I got this.

There's a little laundry mix up. At the laundromat. Oh, man. Dave, what's going on with you? Well, I watched that Bigfoot show. That's pretty good. On the Animal Planet Network, there's going on with you? Well, I watched that Bigfoot show. That's pretty good. On the Animal Planet Network, there's another show called Tanked. Okay.

Which is, um. They run over Bigfoot with a tank. Yeah. That's the one. They get drunk. They get tanked and go looking for Bigfoot. No, it's basically, uh, um, uh, Cake Boss, but for fish tanks. So it's like, uh, we need a fish tank that's

shaped like a slot machine. And the guy's like, oh, how am I going to do this? Oh, I can't do it. It's the exact same. Wait a minute, I'll empty out a slot machine and fill it with water. Put some fish in. Hand me that caulking. Yeah.

You know, I read like you know on Reddit they have the ask me anything category there was a guy who uh he had one he had his car uh pimped all right right and uh they put a fish tank in but it was sealed so that it wouldn't spill all over the place there's no way to empty the fish they're gonna die they died. And then they were just locked. Well, like those, those disco boots that had. The goldfish. The goldfish.

Yeah. How, those have to be sold immediately. Like those can't sit on the shelf for a while. Oh, you win them at the fair. Oh yeah. Like. By guessing the number of dead fish. One each. oh yeah like by guessing the number of dead fish one each uh so this guy makes like what like what did he make like an elaborate i just saw an ad for it and it was one was a slot machine one was

enormous just like i don't get how the physics of it is is is a difficult thing right put more water in yeah where am i gonna find that much right oh hang on here's the sink yeah how do i fill it though oh yeah there's a hose uh how will it find its natural level oh water does that right yes what if there's too much water in this no that's not gonna happen um yeah no he made like uh you know one shape like a baseball stadium one shape like it's it's not it's an unshow it's not a show no it is seems like an unshow because it's i mean as much as the first kind of like i was like yeah maybe people order cakes fancy cakes but nobody orders a fish tank for a like on a deadline.

Yeah. Like I've got a big opening and we got this fish tank. So a show like Cake Boss or Make My Crazy Cake or whatever it is. Yeah. Is it, what I don't understand is, isn't it just the same thing every time? So somebody calls up and they say, I need a cake shaped like a pinball machine. Yeah. They go through the trials and tribulations of how are we going to make a cake shaped

like a pinball machine? And then they do it. Yeah. And they deliver it. Yeah. Satisfied customers. That's every episode. It seems like that would wear thin.

Oh, it does. Oh, man. So I'm on the mark with this. But don't people love it? Like people. Yeah. It's become, like Cake Boss is a thing that people tweet about. Yeah.

My whole life is like, if it's on Twitter, then it's somehow a valid thing. Yeah. Feel her tweet. I wrote it on Twitter, so it must be a thing. And he even like went on tour and just was like a guy who would go on stage. His whole show was like, okay, you tell me a crazy shape of a cake. I'll be upset for a minute. Yeah, I'll tell you

how impossible it is that we would pull it off. There's antics in between. They'll prank someone. Sometimes his mom will get mad because someone wants an erotic cake. What's the dumb guy?

Goro? Yeah, it's Goro from Mortal Kombat. He's got four arms. There's a big tall guy who's dumb yeah marizio or yeah and he kind of drops a lot of cakes and like yeah why do i have this guy around your one job is to not drop cake yeah well why do we keep putting any promises i got a bit of a history in this regard. Gonna pick this cake up with the forklift.

Oops, it stepped. I'm looking it up in Wikipedia, but I forgot to delete the last thing. So now my search is Brent Buttcake Boss. Buttcake. Now there's a show. I don't know what would be involved, but if you were flipping through the guide and you saw Buttcake, you'd look to your left, look to your right And then check it out

I think it's Mauro M-A-U-R-O Yeah and he would always be like No he's the idiot Buddy Valastro married to Elizabetta Lisa Valastro You know how Lisa is short Yeah you can't believe what he did on Wikipedia

Because anybody could have gone on there today Oh it does he once made a stone cold thug cake yeah there's a challenge for you yeah like just an abstract notion make me a cake of justice yeah regret yeah sure integrity uh we uh started with a pinball machine and Mauro dropped it down a flight of stairs. And the other thing that's going on with me is this is the first year I put up Christmas lights outside. Oh, Merry Christmas. And I remember growing

up that that was a big like reason for mockery of someone is they still had their Christmas lights up into the spring. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nancy will yell at houses as we drive around the neighborhood.

Like out the window? It's February! She'll yell at the house. Yeah, is it like tacky or lazy or everything to still have your lights up? Because I just took them down the other day. But I was like, yeah, I've seen a lot of houses that still have them up and on. Yeah, we didn't put ours on at all in the new year. But I was like, I've seen a lot of houses that still have them up and on. Yeah, we didn't put ours on at all in the new year. But I was like, I'm not taking them down.

I'm enjoying my January. Maybe come February. Maybe once Nancy rolls by and yells at us. Oh, we got egged by Nancy. Easter egged. It's time to take them down. Yeah, a lot of these. There's a lot of chocolate and cream filling on our aluminum siding. But yeah, some people still have them.

And once the Halloween candy gets thrown at the house, it's, well, it's this close. We may as well leave it. We might as well. A couple more months. We might as well not even deflate Santa. Yeah. And also, there's still some people that have like a rotting pumpkin somewhere on their property. You said erotic pumpkin.

Oh, sure. 50 Shades of Grey has got me all wound up. There's nothing you can say I can't make filthy right now. I'll put this on the head. You're the candle now. 50 Shades of Filthy. But I see, now that I'm an adult, I don't mind people just keeping their lights up,

but I feel like as a child, it was something that adults made fun of. Yeah, that was like uh you were like a real hillbilly if you still had your christmas lights oh that's hillbilly yeah you had a your car on blocks in your front yard my neighbor that i grew up next to kept their lights up year round not on but just up they were one string of red just stayed on the house. Bottle of red, bottle of white. Plugged in.

And it was the type, like these, the ones now, like they don't have this same thing, but the old bulbs used to be like coated in something and it would flake off. Yeah. And so then you would have like several white bulbs and then just like a half red. Yeah.

Pretty gross looking. Pretty gnarly uh christmas what would jesus think ah you know he was decorating for his birthday he'd be busy with all the other stuff you know yeah he's got a lot going on yeah this guy's starting a band oh yeah yeah yeah he's buying a van with himself painted on the side of it. He's really got into prog rock lately. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bought himself an organ. On the dark web. Yeah, with Bitcoin. Now we're just saying words we said earlier.

That's all we're doing now. That's true. Now we're just repeating ourselves. Do you think anyone's ever gone on the bit web to buy like a Hammond organ? Maybe. Or maybe a Fender Rhodes. How many organs can you name? Fender Rhodes isn't even an organ.

Oh, really? It's just an electric piano. I don't know anything about organs. Also, do you know in Fifty Shades of Grey, like the lead character's name? Is it organ? Is grey? Like it's not like just a clever title to describe like,

oh, there's, you know, nuances. It's like when they give the guy the name to fit the. Yeah. It's like Andy Kindler used to do that bit about cops and Robbersons. Yeah. The family's name is Robberson. Right. When you just cram it in to fit the title.

But it's like a, it's like an action movie trope of like. Yeah. You know. What I enjoyed. John Hard. Hard rain. I enjoyed today, again, on Twitter. Mm-hmm.

What I enjoyed about this is that I, like, I understand that Fifty Shades of Grey is a thing. But I'm pretty unfamiliar with it. And then somebody had made like a Fifty Shades of Grey for dumb people, like a breakdown of it. And I didn't get the reference inside the thing. Huh. So it was like, it was, so they were saying 50 Shades of Grey. It's like secretary for people who aren't good at sex. And I was like, I don't know what secretary is.

The reference of the thing that I barely understand is something I've heard of. Oh, you didn't get this, you didn't catch this huge cultural phenomenon? Then maybe you caught this indie movie starring Maggie Gyllenhaal. This is what I was going to ask. What is secretary? Is it a book? Is it a movie? It's a movie with James Spader and Maggie

Gyllenhaal. James Spader, that's right. And it's a dirty bit of business? Yeah, it's a domination relationship. But about a secretary, she still has Yeah, it's a domination relationship. Yeah. But about a secretary, she like still has, she's got typing to do. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's a huge typing sequence.

First 20 minutes of the movie. And not even like on a computer, it's actually like a typewriter. Yeah. Yeah. He's a. Technically she's a paralegal, but he treats her like a secretary.

Ah, yeah. Jerk. Is that Spader? What a jerk. Um. Um, yeah. Uh, are you. I'm.

Guys, I'm excited about Fifty Shades of Grey. Yeah, no kidding. People in it look so dumb. Oh, yeah. At all. It's all going to be. I know a guy who's in that. Callum Keith Rennie is in the movie.

Is he really? Yeah. Wow. We have the same the same what do i know him from uh from me mentioning him on stop podcasting yourself he was on uh he was in the hardcore logo hardcore logo he played uh the guy that that band named themselves after uh billy talent thank you good I now refer to stop podcasting yourself as stopoyo. Oh, cool. I was putting it in my phone to remind myself that I got to come do this.

Yeah. And instead of spy, I put stopoyo. Yeah. And then you're like, I'm getting frozen yogurt. What am I going to do tomorrow? Stopoyo.

People will Hashtag SPY For this show And then if you ever click on that hashtag It's just people talking about spy stuff You get a whole bunch of new fans Maybe That's what it's about, bringing people together

That's true That's what the internet is for Graham, what's going on with you? Hi Hey, what's going on with you? Hi. Hey, Graham's here. Hey, hello. I did a little bit of handiwork in my house. I got a landlord that's going to come around and fix anything ever.

So the sink, or no, tub. What do you wash yourself in? Tub. Yeah, the sink is the tub for the rats uh it started uh clogging up yeah i was like oh brother uh bathroom or kitchen uh bathroom shower uh started clogging oh it's a tub right yeah yeah and that's the kitchen tub where you take a bath and take a bath with some dishes? Oh, that would be kind of fun.

Yeah. That's a time saver, too. One scrub for you, one for me. Yeah. A palm olive. Yeah, there's a little bit of gravy left on this plate. My mother used to, if we were out of shampoo, mother would wash our hair with dish soap. Right?

I use dish soap on the regular if I run out of soap. It cuts the grease, she would say soap It cuts the grease she would say It cuts the grease like in TV commercials I soaked in it This is what they use to Clean the oil off of ducklings Apparently Dove soap or is it Dawn

Dawn is what they use Dove is what they use to clean doves Dove is what they use to clean doves. Dove is what they use to clean. Ladies of all shapes. Yeah. Women who didn't know how soft their skin could be. That's right. But apparently it's only American dawn that works on oil spill animals.

Oh. Ours is made of battery acid. Yeah. We're a heartier breed of people. I saw like the orphan wildlife people on the news being like, we need people to go down to the States and bring back Dawn for it. Oh. And like somebody, yeah. If you buy too much Dawn, they're like, what are you building?

Cleaning up a spill. You tree hugging hippie. What are you building a Dawn bomb? So I, like, I didn't want to pour like just a. Drano? Yeah. Cause I was my, I did that once before and it totally didn't work. And then there was just like poison gases coming out of the tub.

So I had a drain snake from like years and years ago, but I was missing the piece that kind of makes it work. The raffle? Uh. The rattler on the end of it? Yeah. of makes it work. The raffle? The rattler on the end of it? It is like a thing like that makes it kind of corkscrew to get into the core. Like the little crank. I'll take your word for it.

Yeah, so I didn't have a crank, so I was using like a wrench and I was just like, oh man, it was like an old timey dad. I was just like, ah, you lousy frigging son of a bitch. The dad from Christmas story. Yeah. Fighting the furnace.

Was anyone watching you do this and laughing? No, everybody could hear me in the house. They're like, you building something down there? It's funny that nobody. Who are you fighting? Nobody came down to check on me. So they just heard the, God damn it. Are you the only one that uses this tub?

No, no. I share it with two ladies. That's why it was all clogged up. Yeah. Because of your hair everywhere. Yeah. Yeah, they're both shaved heads. I don't know why I even brought them into this mess.

So it took me forever and it didn't work. So I had to go buy a new drain snake. And now I got, it was a one-time thing. Now I got this fucking contraption. Now you have more than one drain snake. I've never known a man to have more than one drain snake. And now I, now I got like, it was a one-time thing. Now I got this fucking contraption. Now you have more than one drain snake. I've never known a man to have more than one drain snake. I know.

And now what am I going to. You're the only person I know who has a drain snake and you got two of them. That's how you got that nickname. And man, I tell you, pulling that clog out, like that was the most satisfying thing I've done all year. Was it a hellaciously horrible?

It was like, it was like a full dreadlock. Did you... It's just awful. I have a picture of it I can show. Did you call in your two female roommates and like separate which hair belonged to whom? I sent them a Facebook message saying, look what I found in the train.

Nice. Yeah. See, the internet brings people together. What I've been using is a toilet plunger oh yeah anytime anything gets clogged it's like well let's see if the plunger will just push it through and does it yeah and the bathtub they have those compression things right that like um you put it over the drain uh-huh and then i don't know what oh this is like the mr mr plumber pushes like crazy air pressure through

your pipe or something and blows out whatever. Yeah. Like I knew this would, that would just turn into a rocket in my bathroom just flying around. I just use that. I hang upside down and I get high off that. I just inhale it. We'd see you flying out the window like slim

picket. Yeah. Rocket snake or whatever it's called. But I, oh man, like I, I i'm never gonna get to do it again well maybe what are you talking about yeah you know give it some months you're a young man yeah but it was god damn it was satisfying and i was like at one point like up on both sides of the tub like a fisherman like ah what'd you do with it just put just wash it down the sink again yeah just watch hey there goes well i don't want this hang on a second no i catch and release i i laid it across the top of the garbage can so they would see it. Like I made sure that I had some, you know, lots of photos.

It really hit a real trophy moment. I one time had like my lawnmower, I busted the pull cord on it, snapped. And so my first thought, as I'm prone to do, as my male siblings, you know, no end of derision from them about this. My thing is, well, I got to get this to a guy who can fix it. Right. Because they're, you know, two of my brothers, especially total hot rod guys, they can build or fix or anything. A whole lot more guys. And I'm just not so inclined.

Right. So when something breaks, you're like, I'll take it to somebody who knows. I couldn't find a place to take it to. Right. There was one that was out in Burnaby or something. And I was like, when the hell am I ever going to drive? What's going to happen is I'm going to end up start paying somebody to mow my lawn.

Yeah. Right. So I thought, I'll go on YouTube, which is something you'll find on the dark web. And there's nothing that you need to know how to do that there isn't somebody who's like, there's 50 people who've made a little informational video how to do it. Yeah.

So I was like, I thought if I, I'll look up how to replace the pull cord and the mower. If it seems reasonably easy, I'll try it. Cause I got all manner of tools. If the video is under three minutes. Yeah, exactly. I don't have all day. And by the way, every YouTube instructional

video has to begin with yo, what's up everybody. I don't know why that is. with yo what's up everybody. I don't know why that is. Yo what's up everybody I'm just going to make a little video. It's just someone like with a 10 miles from a microphone. Or way too close. This is a Husqvarna.

It's the only word I understood. So what I found was Joe Simple, this guy who was a mechanic. Is that his real name? He had the cameras set up and he was just like, okay, you want to replace a motor, a pull cord in your lawnmower, here's what you need to do.

Right. And you could tell right away, it was like, I was in the hands of my savior, right? Yeah. This guy was like, here's what you need to do. Get, do this, do this. And it looked like, here's what you need to do. Do this, do this. And it looked like, okay, I can maybe take a shot at this.

So I went down, purchased the item that he told me to purchase, came back, riggity diggity, screws, bolts, the whole thing. Put it in, did the flippity boo, put it back on. Man, I was like, I was so charged up about that. Yeah. I was, I've never felt more manly in my life. Like when you, you know, when you try it and it actually works, like when you actually fix a thing or.

I, it's so outside of my wheelhouse to do something like that. And to do it, I was just kind of like, you know, it's, it's like, it's like I got a hole in one or something. Yeah. I was like thinking there's no way I should have been able to do this. That's why my dad would always just take a stab at anything like that because he's an engineer and he was like. So he drove the trains? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Built his own train.

But he wouldn't, he was like, you know, he didn't want to pay some dude who was like, just some dude. He's like, I'll figure this out. I had a guy at my place to do some electrical work, which is something you shouldn't monkey around with yourself. Oh, yeah. There's a real downside to that. But an upside, you might get super power. Yeah, you could. There's a slim risk.

Kids, you could. So anyway, I had the electrician guy over doing some work. And I said to him while he was there, because he was working down in the basement. Kids, you could. So anyway, I had the electrician guy over doing some work. And I said to him while he was there, because he was working down in the basement. And I have my office at home in the basement. And I was writing on some stuff in there. And so I got to brainstorm. It hit me, because I'd bought a Blu-ray player a little while ago.

Right. And I said to him, hey, while you're here, can I get you to hook up my Blu-ray player? Right. And he looked at me like I fell out of a turnip truck. And he said. Also, do you give massages? You want me to hook up your Blu-ray player? Like a professional electrician to hook up.

It's like two plugs or whatever. I said, listen, I know it sounds stupid. But honestly, God, you know, in the amount of time it takes you to do it, you could get it and it'd be up and running in no time. If, if, if you do that, don't you have a nephew or anything? If I go into my office and do work,

I'll make enough in the same time to pay for you. Right. Everybody wins. Yeah. And I don't have to, cause I could do it. It'd probably take me 11 hours and a lot of swearing. And I'd be angry.

I put my fist through the drywall. I just want to watch the Avengers. So yeah, he was like, all right, I'll do it for you. It took him like four minutes. Yeah. And it works like a charm. No fighting, no fussing or screaming. It is true. Like if you had a, you know, a guy that knows electricity in the house.

We have a. Show him around. Does that other thing work? How does this blender work? What is this light switch? What's the difference between puree and... There's a contractor, a handyman who does stuff in this house. And he's Vietnamese.

And he'll explain something to me in English. I won't understand a word of it. And the language barrier is too much sometimes. And I was explaining to him that like the, the, one of the plugs in this room or two of the plugs in this room went out. Right. Uh,

and he's like, oh, that's because this other plug went out and they're like, they're, they're wired like Christmas lights. Oh, right. Yeah.

One goes out, they all go out. Uh, and he's like, oh, I'll just pull that out of the wall. And I was like, do you need to turn or like to turn off a breaker? Yeah.

He's like, nope. And he just yanks the plug out of the wall, like the electricity out of the wall. Wow. Like the whole unit, not the electricity out of the wall. How to like handle a snake or whatever. You're like, ah, don't touch it. And he's like, man, I electricity out of the wall. How to handle a snake or whatever. You're like, ah, don't touch it. He's like, man, hold it by the head. I'm like, did I explain this wrong? Did I tell

him that there's no electricity in here because it's not wired? Am I on the hook for his electrocution? You're just slowly backing away. See how this plays out. Oh, man. Do we want to move on to overheards? Yeah, we do.

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brings you fresh hot episodes every Wednesday. You can find them on iTunes and maximumfun.org. Now pick a door. Just kidding. They're not real because we're a podcast. You're all winners. And we didn't really think this through. Lady to lady. Overheard. Overheard. It's a segment in which we, you know, we overhear stuff. And then we talk about it. It's fun.

And we always like to start with the guests. Have you ever solved any, like, heists? Yeah. Because somebody's overheard something? Yeah. And you've taken it to the police? That's why the show is SPY. It all comes together. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Stopo you. Yeah, I would like to go on a caper. Who doesn't love a damn caper? I mean, I'd settle for a farce. Yeah. It starts out as a heist. Yeah. It becomes a farce.

One last job. My first job. But first and last. I'm only going to do the one. I, uh, you know, anyways. No, no, no, no, no, no. There was a story a couple weeks ago. People posted it on the Facebook group that a guy wearing a fake big bushy beard robbed

a bank well that guy hasn't been caught because i've been looking every day to see like guy that wore beard apprehended so like is robbing a bank like an easy getaway yeah like you could do that like that's something i could do in my lifetime but like take it off my bucket list whenever anyone posts something like that in our group and it's like what's graham up to yeah i'm always like oh boy like if you if you knew worse if you knew one black guy would you be like look at what a black guy did yeah i would i knew uh steve urkel and that's uh I treated him. But beardos are different. Yeah. Yeah. I bet like, yeah.

Is it easy enough to, do they just stop looking like if it's not like a lot of money? Because it happens like multiple times a day. Ah, man. Sometimes. The guy did pick a good time to rob a bank if he had a beard though, because there's a lot of guys with beards. Now is the perfect window of time. Yeah.

Like if you had a man bun, it would be, this is the perfect time if you had a man bun. Yeah. My cousin worked at a bank that was robbed by a guy in a balaclava, but it wasn't weird because it was like minus 35 out. You don't think of it. Everybody has one on. So he just wandered into the bank and nobody thought twice. Did you know that when you go to an ATM, you're supposed to take off your sunglasses yeah and your hat yeah and then make the triangle that's just because

the when you go to the atm the national anthem plays yeah it shows some respect um we always like to start overheards with the guest well here's the thing this you know this is going to be weak because this all came together very quickly, and I'm not an overly social animal. I'm not out there hobnobbing and overhearing. That's not what I've heard. So the best that I have, although I did enjoy this, and it was a moment just me and a lady in an elevator.

Yeah. And she's on the cell phone, which just the fact that we live in a time when you can be in an elevator and on the cell phone. Mm-hmm. Yeah. There in a time when you can be in an elevator and on the cell phone. Yeah. There used to be that. They didn't work. Yeah.

I'm going, I'm stepping into an elevator. I might lose you. That used to be the big thing. So anyway, I'm hearing. It was a nice break, the elevator ride, you know? Pray to get trapped in there. Oh no, this lady's nine months pregnant. Gulp.

So anyway, I'm just hearing her side of the conversation and the thing that I enjoyed, it could have gone on forever as far as I know. It was only like a three floor stop when I was out. It may be going on to this day as far as I know. She was just saying when over and over again. That was the whole side of her conversation, which is one of the weird. So the conversation was, I was hearing, it was just saying when over and over again that was the whole side of her conversation which is one of the weird so the conversation was i was hearing was just going when when when

she was saying it all kinds of different ways you know when maybe she was recording uh some dialogue for yeah i give it to us panic maybe in Yeah, maybe. In an elevator. Yeah. Oh, wow. And it became, I was waiting for some other question, like a why to come in there or something. Who? Right? Never came.

Yeah. When's down the board. So the other thing I was thinking, it might be like, she's in an argument with somebody. And you know when you're. A calendar. You just want that one question answered, right? Yeah. So if it was like, when were you with that other girl in.

When. Jasper or whatever, right? Yeah. You got to understand when. No, but she works with it when, right? So it could have been that kind of thing. But she didn't seem overly worked up. I like, what's the old gag?

You don't say. Hit them with a club? You don't say. Who was that? He didn't say. them with a club you don't say who is that he didn't say it's an old that's an old timey phone gag i like the uh i like that the after the long conversation the long detailed conversation the uh hang up and say wrong wrong number yeah i do that every time timeless classic especially if somebody's like you, my favorite phone gag though, before we get on to other. Yeah,

no, I want to hear. Have you, have you read my list of top 10 phone gags? Oh, I go crack. Most of them are Bob Newhart. I'm on crack all the time.

No, in the movie, The Odd Couple, or the play The Odd Couple, when, um, Felix? Oscar,

it's the scene that introduces Oscar. Yeah. The scene that introduces Oscar, poker scene, all his buddies are there, and he's a slob. Spoiler alert. But anyway, his phone rings and he answers his phone. He goes, hello?

Oh, oh, hello, sweetheart. Yeah, I know. I just have the boys over. I told you never, don't call me here. No, I don't. And he's giggling. All the guys are like leaning in trying to listen. And he's like, oh, sweetheart. Okay, just hang on a second. Murray, it's giggling. All the guys are like leaning in trying to listen. And he's like, oh, sweetheart.

Okay, just hang on a second. Murray, it's your wife. That's the best guy. You know that they're remounting that sitcom? Yes. And you're not happy about it. Could it look worse? I haven't seen.

I only just. You know who it is? Yeah. Because I watched every season of Friends because it's on Netflix. And then I was like, what are all the friends up to now? I MDB'd all the different people for Friends. And then that's what I found. David Schwimmer's in the Paul Bearer series, part four.

Yeah. Matt LeBlanc is in Episodes. Lisa Kudrow's in The Comeback. Jennifer Aniston's in Movies. Courtney Cox is Cougar Town. Cougar Suburgatory. And Matthew Perry's in The Odd Couple. Yeah.

But when I read that, I was like, oh, yeah, he's definitely Felix. Nope. Weird. Yeah, it just looks terrible. I saw like a trailer cut together for it. Who would you cast if you could dream cast a reboot of The Odd Couple? Would they have to be like living actors? Living Ken and Ryu.

Reynolds, Ken and Ryu. Those don't exist. You have to be real living actors. I know who I picture as the Oscar guy. I don't know about Felix. Felix is the uppity one. Who's your Oscar? Artie Lang.

Oh, wow. You went extreme. Yeah, yeah. I don't think TV's ready for that. No. I would have watered it down with a Will Sasso. Oh, yeah. Maybe.

Oh, who's the guy from snl he's a ratio of sense yeah who that who would be a good david hyde pierce oh that would be great arnie lang and david hyde pierce are the oddest of couples oh man well don't you don't have to answer right now. If it comes to you. Honestly, it would be Arnie Lang and C-3PO. No, it would be Sasquatch from the Six Million Dollar Man. And C-3PO.

They're the original odd couple. Dave, do you have one over here? I have two, but they're not related, except that they happened within five seconds of each other. Oh, cool. I was in Value Village. Mm. Uh, my, I was visiting my brother a week ago in Seattle and he very badly wanted one of the final Harry Potter book for his daughter, but the Canadian version. Huh.

And so you can get these 45. You can clean birds that are covered in oil. Canadian version. Yeah, yeah, yeah can clean birds that are covered in oil. Canadian birds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. The paper. You can get the, uh, the Harry Potter books, um, that the hardcover $45 ones for $5 at, at

Value Village. Yes. Yeah. Uh, relatively unused. And so I was in the book section of Value Village and, uh. Which I didn't know existed. Oh, it's a book section. Yeah. It's i didn't know existed oh it's a vast yeah it's got records

and dvds as well oh and uh some vhs in there as well yeah absolutely uh but i heard these uh these two separate overheards so the first one was uh just a guy couldn't remember the word for combination oh man that'd be so hard to describe what you were. Yeah. And so you are like, how do you go about? And so he pointed to something and he said, purple and green.

Yeah. I don't really like those color twins. That's not bad when you got to find a way. It's like when I was trying to explain to a guy in French, I don't really speak French, but I know as much as a guy who grew up in Canada. Right? Yeah.

Just we. And so I was trying to explain to him that, uh, I could maybe understand him if you spoke slowly. Yeah. Or if you were one of the three stars at the end of a Montreal Canadiens game. Yeah. I couldn't remember the word for slowly.

So I said, si tu parles, and then I was like, I couldn't think of the word, lentement. Lentement. And so I came up with moins rapidement. Ah. Which busted him up. Oh. He thought it was hilarious. Oh.

Less rapidly. French joke. And then he hit a goose with a tennis racket. Yeah. French joke. And then he hit a goose with a tennis racket. Yeah. Oh boy. If you misuse their language, it's either offensive or hilarious. Often both.

Yeah. And what was the other? The other overheard was just a young woman who told this, just said this line. It was a funny line. And then cracked up for about 30 seconds. She said, uh, I love pudding, putting my dick where it don't belong.

That is pretty good. That is pretty good. Good one, grandma. Yeah. Good one. Oscar. Um, uh, yeah, I want, I want her to play Oscar on my Oscar.

My overheard comes courtesy of a mother-daughter team on the bus. Modo. On Modo. On Stopoyo. We're assuming daughter

has an O in it. Yeah, I spelled it. Yeah. Yeah. I spelled it. Doter. Yeah. And it was just a real quick, it was just a real quick slice of life. But he's a little girl and she said to her mom, we're going to the park. And the mom said, no, we're going to the doctor.

Wouldn't even let her have the park dream. Yeah. Nope. We're going through a park. Yeah. Reality pie. Right in the face. Did you ever get, when you were a kid, did you ever get tricked into going to a dentist or a doctor?

Or a vet. I was never taken to any manner of healthcare professional until I was old enough to take myself. You'll be fine. Walk it off. Yeah, no, I don't remember. Like, yeah, I, I probably went, I know I went to emergency rooms as a kid and I'm the reason that they don't, uh, stores don't, uh, display

shovels with the, um, sharp end up anymore. The whole backstory there. But no, I literally was like, you know, depression era parents. Yeah. Hard as nails. Dad fought the Nazis. So there was no.

Did he win? He did. Consult your history book. Go dad. Yeah. He's not mentioned specifically, but he was part of the team. My dad lost to the nuts.

But so there was no room for complaining nor room for, uh, uh, I don't want to do this. Right. That meant nothing. Your wants and desires don't come into it. They don't factor. No. Yeah. One iota.

We are doing this. How many siblings? Uh siblings i'm the youngest of seven so i have three brothers and three sisters no time to take one of you to the doctor no yeah what i had to did you do like favorites taking one of you to get medical treatment did you have like a yearly dentist yearly what oh is that is that crazy to a dentist once that i recall prior to being an adult really and it was because the it was like the school put it on right we don't care what kind of hillbilly you are they put on a dentist pageant we'll look at your choppers no matter if you what if you try to pay with buttons it doesn't matter the tooth mobile yeah basically the rest of the time

as long as you could bite down on a rock. I had, you must remember me pre getting my showbiz teeth. Yes. These lovely straight choppers that I have here. Yeah. The listener can hear them. I had crazy wolf boy teeth, right? I had like, they, my teeth were built for taking down prey by the throat. Right.

Or chewing through cans or something. They weren't that bad. I was very good at hiding them. Yeah. I was self-conscious of them. So a lot of people don't even remember because I was very, you know, I kept that tough lip over.

But when I went to that dentist that one time in grade six or whatever it was, this was the, the dentist said, okay, uh, open wide. And the next thing she said was oh what do we have here that was like i kind of felt vindicated yeah like see this is why i've been hiding that do you remember there was there used to be a comedian around named uh uh michelle kelly mr professor puff and he was like a hippie, hippie,

dippy comedian. And he had a huge long mustache that went over kind of his mouth. And he did that cause he had like rotten teeth. Oh, yeah. And then he got dentures and he shaved off his mustache and he showed up at the, well,

they didn't recognize. Nobody knew who he was. Yeah. He just sat at the bar and nobody knew who he was. But he said he was. That's my dream. It's just to disappear and then just step in.

To completely disappear without leaving town. I thought it was to get dentures. That's my dream. Scare my grandkids. Look what I can take out. Dentures. Pretty great. yeah scare my grandkids look what i can take out dangers pretty great um now we also have overheard i think my grandmother had dentures and uh we i don't know if we did it or i did it i would like beg for her to take them out and then i would get so scared and it was like she was, uh, she was so conflicted because like I wanted it so badly, but

then I would get terrified. Yeah. Yeah. Let me remove a part of my face. It's like sex. You want it so badly. And then it's terrifying. Yeah.

And your grandma's there. The moment of that, you have to beg your grandmother for it. You know, it's just like. And then the cleanup. Oh my God. Fifty shades of gray is right it all comes together that's the show everybody uh 50 shades of gray power

yeah um all right so we have overheard the sent in by guests. If you want to do the same, you can send in by guests. Yeah. Oh, sorry. Sent in by, I am wrong.

Sent in by list. I thought I was supposed to be sending something in. Well, don't be afraid to in the future. Don't be a stranger. We'd like a Christmas card. Um, if you want to send one into us,

it's spy at maximum fun.org. And, this first one comes from, edgar edgar from parts unknown but his name's edgar um i was at a festival the other weekend when i overheard two ladies having a conversation about a movie lady one it was a film about two girls who said that they found fairies at the bottom of their garden and they took photographs of them and it was based on a true story. Lady two. Oh, I know what you mean.

Leprechaun. Starring Jennifer Aniston. That's right. And. As the leprechaun. Yeah. The rapping leprechaun. Yeah. The rapping leprechaun. The greatest thing about that series, and I think maybe I've talked about it before, is that leprechaun goes along as leprechaun one, two, three, four, and then leprechaun in space.

And then there's one where it's leprechaun in the hood, and then they made a sequel to that sequel. Leprechaun in the hood two? Leprechaun in the hood two. Oh, man. So you're like, what? That was lame. You need like a flow chart. But see,

this is speaking of, uh, you know, uh, not really cryptozoology, but all that kind of paranormal stuff. Yeah. There is one school of thought that the

leprechaun legends, little green men, uh, were aliens. Oh. You know, ancient Irish people, not knowing how to put it in other terms other than little magical green men. Huh. Yeah. aliens, you know, ancient Irish people, not

knowing how to put it in other terms other than little magical green men. Huh. Yeah. You could really pull a fast one over an ancient person. Yeah, absolutely. Build, make them build a, a pyramid.

Especially the Irish. A pyramid or a, a stone inge. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, what have we built lately that we can't explain, you know? Oh boy. Calgary tower. Yeah, exactly. Well,, what have we built lately that we can't explain? You know? Oh, boy.

Calgary Tower. Yeah, exactly. Well, nobody saw it going up. It was just there one day. This next one comes from Ann from Prescott, Arizona. Fun. I was sitting in my favorite wine bar slash cafe. Must be nice.

Yeah. I don't have a favorite wine bar slash cafe. Fast and loose with the license. how do you pick a favorite they all have such unique oh boy you have so much wine and cafe people just keep putting shots of espresso in my yeah zinfandel um and overheard one of the staff say to another, failure to stalk is not a victimless crime. Which is. S-T-A-L-K? No, stalk like. Oh. You know, put it in the milk.

She had been neglecting her stalking duties. Yeah. Yeah. And it's not a victimless crime. But failure to stalk the other way is a victimless crime. I think you could argue that it's not a crime of any sort. Victimless or otherwise. I don't. Look argue that it's not a crime of any sort. Victimless or otherwise. I don't, look at, check the statutes.

I don't think. Sure, it's frowned upon. Crime is a little heavy handed. Yeah, but you know, these, oh boy, they live in the cafe, wine bar world. It's different laws than we use. Shiraz Pacino. Can I have a Shiraz Pacino please No one stalked it

No one failed to A merlot And everyone's a suspect Poor old Popsock Locked the doors, nobody leaves But mostly we think it was Matthew who works here And his job is to stalk Let's be honest

We're not picking on you Matthew It's your job to stalk the show We think it was Matthew who works here. Yeah, and his job is to stock. Let's be honest. Stock boy, Matthew. We're not picking on you, Matthew. It's your job to stock the show. The last one comes from Jonathan S. in... Swift. Oh. Yeah, Jonathan Swift. How did you know?

I'm not supposed to say last names. He wrote in with a modest proposal. This was a picture of an ad strapped to a pole, like a lost ad, but this is a guy looking for a lady. It says, ladies, I am

single and now taking an application for a sweetheart. Must love America. That sounds like a trap. Yeah. Oh, man. I want to know that guy. I would at least like to sit down at the wine bar cafe with this guy.

Yeah. And see what he thought about our environment. Yeah. You think he would be. He'd have some opinions about the wine bar cafe combo? I like, it's embarrassing to love America at a certain point. You're like, I'm, look, I love the country I live in, but I'm not like one of these gun guys. I'm not in love with it.

Yeah, exactly. I love you like a, yeah, like a grandparent. Yeah, like you should be, even if you love something, you should be able to point out flaws, right? Like if you were like, you could say, I love you, but you got a giant zit on your nose. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I love you, but you got to stop bringing kangaroos around.

There is that notion that any question of your country is politics. Any, pointing out any problem. You are some kind of. Oh, you're anti-American. Yeah. Yeah, you're some kind of. Why don't you go live on a nice farm?

Yeah. I mean, you don't date this guy. He's new in town. I don't care what his picture of the pole looks like. And he's seeking a bass player. Must love America. What era of America? Maybe he means the band.

Must love America. Horse with no name. No other examples. I will not listen to any. Don't come in here if you're some Kansas fan. It's just playing horse with no name as No other examples. I will not listen to any. Don't come in here if you're some Kansas fan. It's just playing horse with no name as he answers the door. What do you think of this? Good?

You better love it. You got chops? It's all right. Nope. Get out. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, go beep-bop-boop, beep-bop-boop-boop, beep-bop-boop-boop-boop, and leave

us a message. If you didn't catch that, it's 206-339-8328, like these people have. Hey, Dave Graham and guests. This is Daniel from Davis, California, calling in with an overheard scene, rather. This is all

bad. Hey, Dave Graham and guests. This is Daniel from Davis, California, calling in with an overheard scene, rather. This is all bad. Hey, Dave Graham. Yes. This is Dale from Davis, California, calling in an overseen. I was at the D. Young Art Museum in San Francisco, and my girlfriend and I were in this one room of a bunch of old furniture and paintings from the 1800s of American ingenuity or something. And there was a mirror and in the mirror, we see a couple making out hard,

like heavy petting. And I keep looking at this one painting and then they just go back to just tongue each other's throats. And then after they leave my girlfriend and wife and I walked to the painting and see that the thing that got them going was an old painting of George Washington. All right. Must love America.

Yeah. We couldn't have planned that more perfectly. Maybe that's the end of that story. He found his gal. Yeah. Yeah. They're making out at the Museum of American Ingenuity. Yeah.

Getting hot and bothered. Oh, boy. Look at that guy's dentures. Have you ever seen anything so American? Yeah, I heard they were made out of hippo bone. Yeah, wow. I don't know, you know. Like I couldn't even, I couldn't imagine a painting that would get me and a girl going.

One of us maybe. Let alone like one that's of George Washington. He's gotta be like doing a sexy dance in the painting. It's maybe one of those ones you twist. If you look at it from different angles. Oh yeah. Shimmy. It's probably a fold in.

Pants on, pants off. Bloomers on, bloomers off. Have you ever done a standup show in a club where there was a couple making out in the crowd? I don't believe so. I have. I have. I have.

You did? I just remember it was like, I think a Saturday late show, which is of course when it would be. Yeah. And just as like one of the doormen coming backstage and saying, just so you guys know, there's a guy. I don't know if I want to finish this sentence. There's a guy finger banging a girl in the back of the club. Nice. Well, at least he had the decency in the back.

I did have one time, though, I was playing Niagara Falls, comedy club in Niagara Falls, and I was on stage. And there was a gal who looked like she had been around the block because maybe up to no good. Right. She had an evil look in her eye and she was sitting there like kind of leaned back with kind of a short skirt on.

She had her feet up on the stage. This was back in the days where you could smoke. So she just looked like, she was like pinky Tuscadero on a bender, you know. She had like her hard, hard cocktail air and her smoke and her feet up on the stage. And so I called her on it.

I said, why, why do you get your feet on the stage? Like how comfortable do you got to be, you know? Yeah. And she just like, give me the dead eye look in my eye and moved her knees apart and just, she had no underwear on and just kind of flashed me her, her business.

Yeah. How do you do? My response to it was duly noted. Well, duly noted. Yeah. Well, I'm not wearing underwear right now. Yeah. It's our policy during the podcast.

Yeah, I wasn't, we're not made aware of that. I'm wearing a lot of underwear. We keep things very sexy here. What your uh experience with a making out uh just it was the same not uh not going to second base or whatever but yeah it was like a couple right that's third right not in the front row maybe the second row but they were calling had it like fucking and i was like are they a couple or did they just decide? Like, and it was the whole set the whole time I was up there.

I was like, boy, they're not like get a room has meaning. Like you can't do that here. No, but, but on the same token, I feel like nobody was going to stop them.

Uh, maybe Robocop.ocop yeah yeah he would have gotten in on it he would have been like what's this new sensation or old sensation you know something i remember vaguely yeah making out in the comedy club face with my wife that's the only thing he can remember because he's on lips He's on lips with a robot core It's the only part of him that isn't dead It's his lips It's the only bit of humanity left

So he just remembers makeup sessions And popsicles that he had Different popsicles Yeah, chapstick Yeah, exactly Alright, here's your next phone call Hey Dave and Graham and possible guests. This is Kyle from Vancouver,

and I overheard this exchange at the office yesterday. Girl, you don't know who Carlos Santana is? Guy, no. Who is he? Girl, he's Spanish, a Mexican, a Cuban. He plays the saxophone. I would have a tremendously hard time describing. Carlos Santana?

Yeah, what Carlos Santana is to somebody who had never heard of Carlos Santana. Do you think she, in her mind, carlos santana and david sanborn mixed up famous saxophonist david sanborn maybe yeah or san yeah i stopped paying attention after i'm trying i'm trying to give her some uh but like he you know he was kind of famous in the 60s early 70s right and then famous again in the late 90 famous in the 60s, early 70s, right? And then famous again in the late 90s. In the late 90s. And then he designs women's shoes.

That's like. Wow. That's a turn I wasn't aware of. Yeah. Is that what he's doing now? Yeah. Yeah. He has like, they, Macy's sells them.

Shoes by Carlos Santana or whatever. Yeah. And he's like. He also, that song that big 90s hit maybe he does play saxophone smooth yeah he didn't write that no but like but i don't think he was a guy that wrote stuff but he's a good guitar guy but like you put your name on it and you don't sing you gotta have like more than just like i'm doing the guitar solo in between the singing part of the

famous part of the song but what what hits aside from that then one in the 90s with the Matchbox 20 and then

Black Magic Woman Black Magic Woman and then he did more late 90s like King of the Road a little bit whatever the one with Michelle Branch or whomever sure And then he did more late 90s. King of the Road. A little bit.

Whatever the one with Michelle Branch or whomever. Sure. A little bit of this. A little bit of that. Started with a kiss. I hope this goes on forever. But in his heyday, because he played at Woodstock. I know that because I watched the Woodstock movie. He was part of Shauna.

And there's a crazy guy that dance. Well, I mean, I don't know if he's crazy, but he does a crazy dance on stage. And I don't think he's with Santana. I think he's just a guy who managed to get on stage. Yeah, that was before they invented security at shows. Yeah, but he's. That was before they hired the Hells Angels to stump dancers on stage. But he was as good as Santana, that dancer.

Yeah. You just want to talk entertainment. Sleep bomb. Yeah. I want to know what that guy's up to. Yeah. Well, describe. Couple stopping making out to watch his dancing.

Describe him to someone in your office. Yeah. He's a Cuban. Anyway, here's your final overheard of 2015. Hello, this is Takura from Los Angeles. I have an overheard. I was conducting the middle school band concert, and I was introducing the first song that beginning band was going to play.

As soon as I announced that the song was Hot Cross Buns, I heard somebody's four or five-year-old little brother or sister say, Oh, I love this song. Get to one a penny, two a penny. Everybody, take out your recorders. Do you... I could still play Hot Cross Buns on a recorder.

Yeah, me too. I can still do the Rocky theme. Gonna fly now. Oh, yeah? Are we in any manner of copyright infringement now for this? Yeah. No, that was original as far as I can tell. Do you just do the intro

can you do the yeah no just the intro really the uh hot cross buns i remember learning the song before i ever had the food and uh the food was very like not have you like Have you had hot cross buns? Yeah. They're like, it's like a bun and it's got a cross on it and it's got weird little pieces of fruit in it. Yeah. It's really disgusting. Of course it's disgusting.

They have to lower the price from one a penny to two a penny. Oh, yeah. That's true. It's the original discount. Hot cross buns. One a penny. No. Two a penny.

Oh, just take them all. If you haven't got a penny no two a penny uh just take them all if you haven't got a penny a hay penny will do but yeah they had like a little gummy fruit in them they were disgusting was a hay penny a coin that was with half penny or did did you have to cut a penny in half did people have half of a penny if you had scissors to cut a penny yeah half, then you were a rich. God bless you. You were one of the richest men in the village. Boss hog. Well, that brings us to the end of this episode. Yeah, I wonder about that because it's like, did they come up with the lowest form of currency? And they were like, we started too high.

A whole cent. This is brilliant. How old is this bun? When do you throw these out? Do you have any cold, uncrossed buns? We're looking at like a six a penny, seven a penny kind of deal. Yeah. We work at a bun kitchen.

When do we get a break on these hot cross buns? How many do I have to order? You cost per unit. Economy's a scale on the hot cross buns. Well, that's the show right there. Now, Brent, thank you so much for being a guest on the show. Well, I couldn't very well be a host. You guys got that locked up.

That's true. You could be a caller or a listener. Yeah. I could be like your last minute guy. If whoever, you know. Our Tony Randall? I could be your Tony Randall, baby. Oh, I would love that.

That was a Carlos Santana song, wasn't it? I could be your Tony Randall, baby. Your love that That was a Carlos Santana song wasn't it I could be your Tony Randall baby Or maybe our David Hunt piece Till I cry Now in addition to the Two movies You released last year No Clue and the Corner Gas movie

Is the Corner Gas movie called The Corner Gas movie No it's called Corner Gas colon The Movie. Are those both available on DVD now? Yes. Any direct streaming? Can somebody get online and watch it on an iTunes?

The Corner Gas movie you can get on your... It's called Corner Gas The Movie. Yeah. But it is the Corner Gas movie. It's just called Corner Gas The Movie. That's available on your Crave TV. Because CTV has the broadcast rights for that. Right. Right.

So now that it's out of theaters. So they, Crave TV is their streaming. Right. It's a good reason to get Crave TV. And No Clue is available on your standard streaming, you know, if you got your iTunes or your video on demand, whoever your cable provider is. Sure. And, uh.

And you're, you're headed out doing some shows. I'm on the road doing standup again. That's all. If you go to my, uh, I have a worldwide website. Oh yeah? Darkweb? Which I've had, by the way, since I've, I've had brentbot.com since 1997.

Really? Yeah, that's when I bought the domain. Where's your parade? And it was an active site in 1998. Isn't that crazy? Was it? What kind of, did it have like? It was pretty much like a, you know, just an informational billboard kind of thing.

But if you went, if you went to your Netscape browser and punched in brentbot.com. I went to my website and told you who to call to book me. And I was quite ahead of the curve technologically. I didn't have any email, but it was like, here's some phone numbers. Yeah. Here's my mailing address. Yeah. It was on there. Click here for a dancing pizza.

But yeah, if you go to brentbutt.com and then click on the little, you know, see Brent live thing. Yeah. Brentbutt.com. And if you are in Canada and you have not seen Brent Butt perform standup comedy live, you know, see Brent live thing. Yeah. Brentbutt.com. And if you are in Canada and you have not seen Brent Butt perform standup comedy live, you are missing out. I want to get down to do some shows in the States one of these times too.

Where would you play? Where, like what? I'd like to do, I'd probably do a little run down the West coast. Yeah. Do a little Washington, Oregon kind of. Oh, you should play. Yeah.

Portland. Portland. Yeah. I get a lot of people contacting me from should play. Yeah. Portland. Yeah. I get a lot of people contacting me from there, like via Twitter and stuff. Yeah. It'd be fun. Yeah.

I think it would be fun to do. Just go down and play some clubs. I couldn't do, you know, I wouldn't have, I wouldn't be able to draw like theaters I could do here, but I'd go down and play some clubs, which are crazy fun to do. What would you call the tour? Red, white, and you? Something like that?

Must love America. Brent Butt must love America. Red, white, and you. Yeah. Red, white, and butt. Yeah. They. Must love America. Brent Butt must love America. Yeah, red, white, and butt. Yeah, they love the word butt in the States. You know what? We love it here too.

Absolutely. When I grew up, it was more of a bum thing. We still had the more British influence. Oh, yeah, that's true. Yeah, oh, bum, that's true. Fell right on my bum. Yeah. And then the more American TV we got, the more we got.

Well, I think now in the States, it's all ass. And so we've absorbed butt. They bypassed the hiney. Was there no hiney chapter in the American? I don't think they bypassed the hiney in Fifty Shades of Grey. That's our promise to you, the viewer. That's the tagline of the movie we don't bypass um uh thank you so much you know who's in 50 shades of gray yeah um don johnson and melanie

griffith's daughter oh that's it i literally thought you were trying to sell me on the fact that it was don johnson and melanie griffith working girl no that's that's the fact that it was Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith. Working girl. No, that's the girl from it in the movie. Oh, really? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Sasha Shade is her name. I feel like not enough is being made of that.

Well, make, and Miley Cyrus is dating Arnold Schwarzenegger's son. So that's, you know, everything old is new again. Yeah, as prophesied in Revelation. In Terminator 2 Judgment Day. If you like the show, head over to MaximumFun.org and check out the blog recap. This episode, you know, pictures and videos relating to the content of this episode. Surely some sort of video of, I can see that you have a low battery on your computer. Are some of your electricals not working?

Your outlets are still not working. I just realized we recorded this whole episode with the computer not plugged in. Oh, well. I'm sure it'll keep. It's going great now. And, you know what? If you like the show, why don't you tell your friends? You can leave an iTunes

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