Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 362 - Andy Kindler

Episode Date: February 21, 2015

Comedian Andy Kindler joins us to talk Entourage, apples, and Letterman.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 362 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who wonders, where have all the cowboys gone? Mr. Dave Shumka. Is that Paula Cole?

That's right. I couldn't remember who it was this morning when I thought of it, but I knew you'd know. She also did the Dawson's Creek theme song. She did? Yeah. Wow. And she toured with Peter Gabriel. She did all the girl parts on those two girl songs he does.

Wow. That's some pretty good Paula Colfax right out of the gates. And our guest today, first time guest here on the podcast, I'm a big fan of this guy. Oh, come on. Yeah, come on. I'm a big fan of you. Oh, well, it's a real love. What are you, crazy?

Mr. Andy Kindler is our guest fan of you. It's a real love. What are you, crazy? Mr. Andy Kindler. Thank you. It's the first time I've ever done a podcast where I resisted jumping in early. As soon as I heard Paula. Now, should I know who Paula Cole is, right? She did two songs. Where Have All the Cowboys Gone? That's based on Where Have All the Flowers Gone?

No. Well, I mean, it might be. Yeah, maybe. Titularly. Do you know that song? Where Have All the Flowers Gone? No. Well, I mean, it might be. Yeah, maybe. Long. Titularly. Do you know that song? Mm-hmm. Come on.

Where Have All the Flowers Gone? I was a huge fan of folk music when I was a kid until I realized that it wasn't good. No. I'm a huge Bob Dylan fan. But some of those songs, I don't sing Where Have All the Flowers Gone anymore. How come? Or Little Boxes on the hillside, little boxes. You're just the theme song.

I'm sorry, that's a song about, you know that song too? Yeah. That's about coffins. Oh, see? Sinister meanings. Well, no. They're just sad. What is Tiki Taki?

I think it's made of tiki. I may be wrong about this. I thought it was a song about war. I thought it was about just like, well, just from, because it's the theme song to Weeds. Right. What is the theme song to Weeds? That song. That song.

And they get a different artist to cover it every time. Who would use that as a theme? I mean, I didn't see Weeds that much, but it looks like a good show. But I, because I slam everything. I don't want to add something else that I didn't mean to slam. But that's a song that kind of makes you sick The melody of that Well, it's a theme song You don't have to sit through the whole

Like four minute song Yeah, but I want the My theme song Whatever show that I will do I guess in my early 80s The way things are going I want it to be like The Sopranos, man I want it to be like That song Did you like The Sopranos, man. I want it to be like,

did you like The Sopranos? The way it woke up this morning, that one? I defy, I don't know why I'm so... I defy anybody to not be able to continue to watch that opening and get new things every single time between the

shots of New Jersey. That's the way. That's how I roll with my theme songs. What about The Wire? Yeah, because they did a different. Oh, I love The Wire, but I feel terrible because I watched the first year. Unbelievable. Started to watch the second year, a DVD set, and the DVD set had a duplicate of the.

Oh, like two of the same. Three DVDs and two of them were the same. And so you gave up. Yeah, so what was there What was there It was called Way Down in the Wild If you walk through the garden

Oh That's a good one And then it would be The theme It was like Two minutes long Of just like You know

Surveillance stuff This is the greatest theme though Ready I don't know You get the rights Yeah yeah Yeah yeah I wanna be the ho ho get the rights. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I want to be the ho-ho.

And hold that baby ho-ho. Say yeah. Say yeah. Did we miss the movie? No, it's still on its way. Thank God. I think it's coming out on Valentine's Day. Is it really?

I follow Turtle just to keep in the loop. I have a line where I say, I never get to laugh, but join the club is what I say with my jokes. Where they say, I got to write down a rough womb from a previous conversation. I want to see the movie because I'm emotionally invested in Turtle. Yeah. So that's what my thing is. And then the other thing I do is I'm going to teach you the vowels entourage style. You ready?

You ready? You ready? Is everybody ready? I know this. A, A, E. I owe you. Sometimes. Why? Get Ari on the phone.

A, A. I owe you. I love it. You've watched it. I hate to watch that show. I love you. Oh, yeah. I've seen every single episode.

But didn't you think when you first watched it that there would... I keep waiting for the sarcasm or the mocking to come in. Well, just that they can't be doing this high-fiving on a bus seriously. Right. But they are. Yes. Yeah. No, they...

And Queens Boulevard is supposed to be a good movie, right? Yeah. Yeah. And the guy who says, suits, suits. He's a real character in that show. It's not a comment on it. And Medellin is supposed to be a bad movie. That's right.

Because he went too far. They let that guy go too far. And he was washed up. And then he started directing porno. Oh, man. And then when did Aquaman happen in that series? Was that before Medellin? Yeah. He did Aquaman happen in that series? Was that before MetaEon? Yeah, he did Aquaman.

And then they were going to have him do, oh, what was the movie? It was called like... Oh, was it called like Roller Coaster or something? No, it was like Mountain. What's the name of the mountain in Disneyland? Yeah, it was. It was like Splash, not Splash. Matterhorn?

Matterhorn. Yeah, that's right. He dropped out of Matterhorn to do MetaEon. Matterhorn? Matterhorn. Yeah, let's go. He dropped out of Matterhorn to do Medellin. I love a show where the guy is a, the lead is a star.

You know what I mean? Like he's already considered to be like a heartthrob. And then you're told over and over again, this guy is it. And that's why we've seen him in so many other things since then. He did a documentary though or something, didn't he? Really? He directed a documentary. But something, didn't he? Really? He directed a documentary. But what I didn't like, oh, by the way, let's get to know us. Absolutely.

Get to know us. That entourage, I guess it made sense because they called it, they said it was like the male version of Sex and the City. Finally, right? Finally, guys get a chance to, but it was like, and it was always whenever it was up for awards, it was nominated in the comedy category. And I,

that was my complaint about sex in the city. I'm like, what? Oh, are we supposed to be laughing at this? Yeah. Now the Manolo Blahnik's on the other foot. Yeah.

I find that about, because I was the same way with, uh, girls when I came out, it was like, this is a comedy and I, I like watching it, but I was the same way with Girls when it came out. It was like, this is a comedy. And I like watching it, but I'm like, I'm not laughing. I'm not laughing. Right, right.

It's a very uncomfortable show to watch. Well, I need a studio audience. Absolutely. Give me your Three's Companies, et cetera. Well, I'm trying less to do this, but fights with people on Twitter. So one of my least favorite people. It's one of my favorite things on Twitter, by the way. Well, I'm glad that it does bring some people joy, but it drives me nuts.

Because it's like when I'm arguing with someone, it's going to turn out that I'll have started a feud with a robot or something. And literally won't realize it for three years. And literally won't realize it for three years. But I think maybe the worst reviewer, because she's also a little bit elitist, is Emily Nussbaum of The New Yorker. Okay. And I cannot stand the way she writes. So someone who writes for The New Yorker, you consider them an elitist? Hmm.

So, yeah, because I say the things nobody else will say. People say the New Yorker is for the working man. I say, look again, my friend. Because, and she got me really angry on Twitter once because she did this whole thing about women roles. First of all, the whole thesis started out with how brilliant Sex and the City was. So right away, anybody who's trying to sell that nonsense. And then something about a woman. It was all about women.

And I said, well, I thought the woman that I said to her tried to be. I tried to. I was respectful of my initial thing. I said, Sopranos had great woman characters. She comes back to me, why are you all of a sudden, what's this thing about we're obsessed with women? You wrote the article about women. So then I said, okay, this is a person who just wants to win arguments. Maybe this is a robot. Yeah, maybe it's a robot.

But the idea that Sex and the City, it was the worst narration of ever. At the corner of, I don't know, and where did I put my purse? Meanwhile, Uptown, Carmen Miranda was, what is it, Miranda? Yeah, Miranda. No, it's Carmen Miranda. And the puns, it's like puns that you would, if you say it in your act, you would apologize or make a joke out of how bad the pun was. In the second Sex and the City movie, There's an Irish character named Aaron. No, oh Irish character who doesn't wear a bra and they and the movie there's been two movies. Yeah

Did you not know I thought there was one movie in the second movie a character an Irish character see the second with no bra Just so they can say Aaron go braless yeah like they retrofitted a pun into the script that is so great and the other one they went with my other favorite one

was Erica but don't well that I like that's how they get to yeah but I did that show I didn't hate watch

I kind of enjoyed how frivolously ridiculous it was for like about four months. And then I couldn't, you know. I just watched it because it seemed to be on. When I had a TV, it always seemed to be on. Yeah. So it was like, all right, I'm just going to.

So I never watched it in sequence. I don't know who ended up with who. How can you not watch it in sequence? I know, right? Then you're not going to know how come she ends up with Big. After dating him and breaking up with him six times. I mean, that Big at first was like, you know what? I'm just going to use the ladies.

But then Big goes through his own kind of progression. He likes old movies. He gets to a deeper part of himself. He's still a hunk. Yeah. But he's a hunk with a heart. Yeah. Which is, isn't that what all the ladies are looking for?

Yeah. Hunk with a heart? I went out for that part. Chris Knoth and I compete, I would say on 50% of the parts I don't get. That's Chris Knoth type. And is it always down to you and him? It's always down to me and him.

Which way do you want to go with it? You want to go with the unattractive Jew or the handsome hunk? Andy, stop it. You're very good looking. Come on, fellas. And also, you've lost weight since the last time I saw you.

I did lose weight, although I've gained. I don't know where. I think I've changed. Let's just put that aside. The camera adds 10 pounds of anxiety. You have to see Sex and the City 2. I'll write that down.

I mean, it is... Because it... Honestly, I bet you could get an hour of material out of just watching that. Are you talking about... Are you talking about...

Wait, it's and the city, isn't it? Sex and the city. I think... So you wanted me to see S-A-T-C 2? I thought it was Sex versus the city. Yeah it was sex versus the city.

Yeah, sex adjacent to the city. Yeah, SATC2. I am so against. What are those called? Anagrams? What are they called? Hypograms? Antonyms?

Acronyms? Acronyms. Antonyms Scalia? You're so against the justices. No, the whole trend with you kids You want nothing to complete sentence anymore It's all initials No that's true The worst is

LOL etc LOL is Quaint almost But the worst The one that makes me sick Is SMH Shaking my head Yeah

Why would How does that add anything If your tweet isn't strong enough, then just don't tweet it. Don't say, go, well, they'll really, when they know I'm going like this, I'm shaking my head. I couldn't believe what these Republicans are saying. SMH. Come on. Why don't you say you chortled?

Why don't you put more stage directions? More stage directions. Yeah. Picking up laptop. Yeah. Picking up laptop. Yeah. Picks up laptop. Pursued by bear. Pursued by bear.

What's up with these Republicans? Looking away. Exeunt. L-A-I-D. Looking away in disgust. Laid. That's not bad, actually. That's not bad.

That one I'm going to patent. Andy. Don't get real with me. Yeah. There's one thing I wanted to ask you about. Why? No, I'm sorry. A few years ago in the Vancouver Comedy Festival,

in the gift bag that all the comedians get, I got this package. I talked to other comedians. No one else got it. Yeah, I didn't get it. And it was a little package of Andy Kindler mints. And I've never. Any member of the slogan?

They're not for everyone. That's right. That was Will Davis came up with that idea himself. I thought it was fantastic. Did you ever get it? I have a hundred. I have a hundred. Why didn't every comedian get them?

I'll give you. I know you want one. I do want one. Yeah. But they may be stale by this point. I thought it was the greatest thing ever. So funny. Well, I'm guilty of hyperbole, but I thought it was pretty damn funny.

Well, but what was greater than that? Yeah, that's true. That's true. In the history of your merch, what was greater? Well, I had the Andy Kindler oven mitts because my act was too hot to handle. That's pretty good. And the Andy Kindler oven mitts, because my act is too hot to handle. That's pretty good.

I had the Andy Kindler in your face. Hockey mask. Cologne shirt. Cologne. Yeah. It's in your face. And on your neck. I had an edgy plate where you could cut yourself.

Oh, yeah? Yeah, it was like sharp on the edges? Yes. Yeah, okay. It's edgy. And that's what said that on the plate, too. Go terrible. It's edgy. It's edgy.

I like it. So much merch. I sold Jew Cream. Andy Kim is Jew Cream. Uh-huh. What is it? I never really had a specific application. It was.

It just was very goopy. Very goopy. It's very goopy. Jew Cream. Are you enjoying your Jew Cream? It's very goopy. It's go goopy that's the slogan on the package it's extra it's a little bit goopy let's not get so goopy yeah so that's how that came that's how that went down man have you ever had uh a merch that you sell after a show i have had uh i my, my lovely wife, Mrs. Beardsley.

That's my way of pretending I'm gay. I'm not gay. My wife, Mrs. Beardsley. Look, I sleep with one guy in high school. I opened up a bathhouse in college. I was gay in the Navy for eight years. I have a recent seven-year affair with a guy. All of a sudden, I'm gay in the Navy for eight years. I have a recent seven-year affair with a guy. All of a sudden, I'm gay.

I sold this DVD that my wife directed, and I did the comedy on it. I wish I was bitter, which then I got into a whole grammatical thing. So I put S-I-C next to it Because I thought it was grammatically incorrect And shaking my head I come to find out years later That it's perfectly fine to say I wish I was a visitor So that's the only thing I've ever sold And I'm supposed to be

There will be a CD coming out on AST Records But it's so delayed that I'm embarrassed And it's going to be called Hence the Humor So that's coming out But that's the only thing I'm embarrassed and it's going to be called Hence the Humor. So that's coming out. But that's the only thing I've ever sold was that DVD

and it's always, I used to, it's embarrassing to do it. Well, like after the show stayed at a table. Yeah,

but it's embarrassing to do it. But like, is it more or less embarrassing to have like a thing, like I've got bottle openers or something like that. Oh,

no, no, no. I think it's, it absolutely makes me look classy to have a thing that's related to my comedy. Yeah, as opposed to, well, yeah, anyways, if you want to buy something. Yeah, check out my titty shirt. It says titties on it.

Yeah. So you know. Yeah, I think we, I want to make money from the thing that I'm selling. Yeah. But I want to have some self the thing that I'm selling. Yeah. But I want to have some self-respect that the people aren't just knowing. Tough line. Tough line to trot. Well, I'm not even saying that, I'm the guy now who's so afraid of saying the negative

was all I've said are things negative. I don't, no, if someone comes up with something that is not a CD that's fantastic. Like something that's like a, like, but what would an example of that be? Because I don't think I've ever seen a thing where I'm like, yeah, that's perfect. When you go see Gallagher,

do you buy the poncho on the way in? Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, that's an example of something that, like him or hate him, at least would relate to his show.

Yeah. And I do hate him. I think he's cool. I have no strong opinions about Gallagher. You must have at some point. Oh, no. Well, in other words, I always believe in, what am I doing, a memoir? Yeah.

I do try to keep my targets high. I do believe that's an important thing to do. Punch up. Yeah. So Gallagher, so I actually have a whole chunk about Gallagher, but because he does crazy things, but my joke was that he was, you know, he gets like a heart attack every week. Really? Well, he's had a million.

He's had a million heart attacks. I always say, way before I do the joke, that I have an Is Gallagher Alive app. But they had to induce a medical coma. This is true, like about two years ago. And they do that by making you watch two episodes back to back of How I Met Your Mother. So anyway,

when he woke up out of the coma, the doctor said he was cracking jokes, but they didn't say for the first time. So I did that, but it is a little bit

shooting. Here's a bit I don't feel great about, but we'll do to completion. Well, Larry the Cable Guy blocked me. What? I couldn't believe it. What else will do to completion. Well, Larry the Cable Guy blocked me. What?

I couldn't believe it. What else is in there? People are blocking me, like Kathy Griffin blocked me. All of a sudden, out of the blue. Can she tell what I'm thinking? When you get... Do you know when you're blocked?

Yes. Only if you happen to go... I just happened to see who the... We all agree Bill Maher is a loathsome jerk. He's a bigot. He's a bigot. I think he's cool. All three of us agree with it.

Do you think he's cool? I think he's so cool. Yeah, he's cool. I mean, like, I hang out at a Playboy mansion. Yeah. He seems like a guy who'd be on the cover of Cigar Aficionado. He's not afraid to tell the truth that will get him whatever kind of response he's looking for so i look at his followers and so kathy griffin haven't been you know just clicked on it

and but and then you go to her profile and it says you have been blocked by you can't look at her tweets yeah because what i like to do is i like to block people my favorite thing is to block people because i can't like this guy I blocked today so deserved to be blocked. I don't understand what his thing is. But he's actually, it's terrible when you block someone who at some point you thought maybe was a funny guy or whatever. He's not even a comedian. I don't know what he is. But then I like to go, you can still look and see what they're saying about you blocking them.

Unless they decide to block you back. How can, oh, they block you back. You can... Oh, they block you back. You can't see what they're saying. It's like some kind of nuclear detente. Yeah. There was something you said to somebody, I think it was this morning, that was very funny. It was like something about, I feel bad for the electricity that has to go into your computer. Oh, yeah. That was a couple of...

That was, I think, it might have been an opening Anthony fan, maybe. Yeah. I like that you felt bad for the electricity. It was good. It was good. That felt good. That felt good. I don't think I've ever got, only once or twice have I got into a thing where I've had to kind of be like, oh, he didn't understand what I was doing.

Oh, yeah, right. You know, like I. I blog people just to be safe. I'm like, oh, this guy tried to punch up a joke I tweeted. No, I got to. You're gone for good. Yeah. I can't.

I'm sorry. No, no, go ahead. The things that I don't believe that people say, you know, like you could accuse me if I say things like about Jimmy Fallon. So I'm going to slam Jimmy Fallon. But I'm slamming something specific. But the fact that people come on and tell tell you what they think tell you how to tweet it's just so rude to me it's like yeah why don't you go back and telling jokes or why are you why are you talking about what do you why would you ever think that you should say that to somebody

yeah i don't i don't know the the thing is is a lot of times I'll put something and then people will be like, I hope that was sarcasm. And I'm like, well, of course, what is Twitter? If not all sarcasm all the time. Especially you're a comedian. So you should at least, you know, people should think, well, there's a good chance he is joking. Yeah. Like I wrote a thing that I just said, I find the transit in the city adequate and the commuters here really know how to drive. And somebody is like, well, yikes.

You know, what city are you in? And I was like, come on. That is so. That sounds like. That guy sounds like the backbone of people who enjoy me. They don't know what they're. Well, I guess if what you mean by what you say is the opposite, then I get where you're going. Now, that's something we can all enjoy.

Yes, but the way you present it here, if you're saying that it is good transit, I'm not with you on it. And I'm so not with you on it that I'm going to take time out of my day to reply to it. So not with you on it, but I'm going to take time out of my day to reply to it. And I've told, I've talked about it on the podcast where one time I did a quote, you know, the famous quote from Gandhi. Yeah. Be the change you want to see in the world. I didn't know that was his quote. That's, yeah.

So that's from him, but I attributed it to Optimus Prime from the Transformers. And I got no less than a thousand responses saying- But wait, Optimus Prime didn't say that. No, exactly. See? I don't understand. You just said Gandhi said it. Did you forget in the time between after-

You were the first person to write to me and say, hey, wait a minute. You shouldn't attribute something that's to Gandhi to this Optimus Prime fellow. This Optimus Prime fellow. That's the first time I knew that Optimus Prime was a Transformer character. There you go. Because I don't watch those movies because I'm better than everybody. I'm like a New Yorker writer. Not even on a plane you won't watch something kind of trashy?

I'll watch a different type of trashy. I'd rather watch like a relationship bad movie. Oh, like a rom-com kind of situation? No. See, just you saying that means I'll never be able to. No, I can't watch terrible rom-coms. No. I also don't like action movies in general, but they can be great.

Yeah. But. This guy doesn't care. Do you guys watch the Avengers of various stripes? I haven't seen it or X-Men 7 I I have

Wolverine I saw the first two X-Men yeah I feel like I I've downloaded a lot of movies I intend on watching

I've gotten exhausted by the genre like I think I watched I liked them I liked Spider-Man and I liked all of these movies and now I'm just I liked them. I liked Spider-Man and I liked all of these movies. And now I'm just, I can't, it's too simple of a thing.

Like it's, yeah, you're the bad guy. You're the good guy. Good guy's going to win. There's no nuance, nothing. It's just. Well, I watched you, I was watching some movie on HBO because I didn't know what it was. And there was Hugh Jackman. And so the scene I watched was compelling because he's like, well, maybe it was Wolverine or something?

Did he have a crazy hairdo? Well, it was like he killed somebody, and then he was dreaming he was killing someone. So for that seven minutes, I was like- Oh, that was Les Miserables. That movie. Talk about tugging at your heartstrings to the point where it strangles you. Where it moves up to your throat. I love anytime Meryl Streep's in a musical. Those are fantastic.

Mamma Mia. If every show could be Mamma Mia. Why do another show if you can't do a Mamma Mia? That's a perfect airplane movie. Oh, no, I don't believe so. You know what's a good airplane movie? Whatever was a sing-along on the airplane. That one, is that the cone brother

was that the uh brothers the zucker brother that's not like i'm not that i love the cone brothers so that was not even me but this was it was the zucker brother it was the zucker brother there's a one zucker brother's gone crazy like a right wing nutcase well that doesn't mean he's crazy some people are just right wing nutcase i Well, that doesn't mean he's crazy. Some people are just right wing nutcase. I saw that movie that he did. An American Carol. Oh, with Kelsey Grammer? Yeah. It is... Oh, man.

It's hard to describe it because it is just... It tells the truth? Is that why it's hard to describe it? Unleash some truth bombs? Is that a thing that people still say? Does it have gags? Yeah, but not really. it have gags yeah but not zucker style gags yeah but it doesn't even like it kind of doesn't even know like what comedy is like it's weird that it was written by him and it's directed by him but it seems like he

like it doesn't even match the template of what uh are. It's just like, you know, the main guy is supposed to be Michael Moore. Oh, yeah. He's the guy that, he's the Scrooge. Well, I think we can all agree that he has become a jerk. Michael Moore? Oh, yeah. What's he doing? What's his, I don't know.

Who's he picking on now? Well, it's so, first of all, I've never liked them because I don't like left-wing propaganda any more than I like right-wing propaganda. It's like that movie called Waiting for Superman. Oh, the one about the teacher? Yeah. My sister's been educated for 35 years, and she's a brilliant woman, and I know a lot about the schools. And here's a guy who just happened to be driving by a school. He did the waiting.

He did the, uh, Gord documentary. Oh, and then he makes this thing, which is basically is trash to me that, that documentary and puts down teachers and celebrates Michelle Ray, you know, the,

which is a whole long thing, but even like the movie gas land, which I haven't personally seen, I got, oh, there's a lot of people I know who absolutely believe that there are problems with fracking. You know? But that doesn't mean

everything... It's when these documentaries come out and they're just embraced on progressive stations. Yeah, it's the same with the blackfish thing. Like, everybody's like, now I'm an expert in aquariums. Right. Well, I mean, you saw a thing. And, you know,

yeah, probably there's some bad... Look, now I'm an expert in a thing. And, you know, yeah, probably there's some bad luck. I'm an expert in Sugar Man. And we're going to find this guy. I'm an expert in Sugar Man. Well, Michael Moore did a thing where, first of all, he defended Bill Maher's bigotry, which I think is indefensible. Right. And then more recently. You're not a Bill Maher fan?

Well, no, no, no. I mean, let me finish. But then more recently, he just said this. Look, when the American Sniper came out, I haven't seen the movie. But the whole idea that, and even Howard Dean had to apologize for saying the people who went to see that movie are angry. People like these kind of movies. So you can't really characterize why they went to see the movie. But Michael Moore, as you said, the snipers are terrible, horrible people.

Oh, that's right. He said like in World War II or something. Right. His uncle got killed by something. I've heard Michael Moore on Politically Incorrect in the old days argue against going against Hitler in World War II. And the thing is, if I'm being held by, as a hostage, I want there to be a sniper on the roof.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm pro that sniper on the roof. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm pro that sniper on the roof. Michael Moore can't go through that logic in his brain. His brain is too pickled. Also, he's a guy who I think is a classic narcissist. It's all about him, really. Yeah, well, he's in all the movies, right?

He's in his documentaries. Let's start there. It's strange for a documentarian to be in every single movie. I don't know that we need to do a documentary in a mirror factory. My dad worked at a mirror factory for 40 years. He assembled mirrors on cars. Well, Errol Morris does it kind of cool, though, when he... Oh, he's got that machine

that you talk into the... Oh, what is that? It's like a teleprompter, but instead of having... I thought you were giving me like an idiot. It's called a teleprompter, Andy? No, it's like a teleprompter, but it's got his face on it. Oh, okay. So you're talking to him when you... And so you're looking into the camera

and you're talking to Errol Morris. It's not Ken. Oh, he goes, the Ken Burns thing. That's the thing. Because whenever I do documentaries now, I always do Babe Ruth. Yeah, I knew Babe Ruth. You always got introduced. Oh, Babe Ruth.

I knew Babe Ruth. Because that's how they say, repeat the question. Exactly. Because we're not going to be using my asking of the question. I like, oh, what's his name? The German guy that does documentaries. You know who I'm talking about. Werner Herzog?

Werner Herzog. I like him being the narrator. Here's my problem, and it's a terrible problem. Here we go. Has he blocked you on Twitter? No, I used to lie all the time. So I say, yeah, I've seen all of his movies. I used to say I've seen a lot of foreign films.

And there are so many things I have not seen. So what does he, because I know I've seen some of his stuff. The documentaries, he's done Grizzly Face. Oh, that's supposed to be very good, right? Cave Smashers. Yeah, Cave Smashers. Are you making fun of me now? No.

What was the cave one? It was called Cave of Forgotten Dreams. And what's the movie he directed? I know I've seen a couple of his movies. Oh, like the scripted ones? Oh, my God. The Condescension. The New Yorker-style Condescension.

Well, they're all movies. So I have seen a couple of his movies. Yeah. Whatever. Fitzcarraldo? Fitzcarraldo. Fitzcarraldo, yeah. And then he. Strootzig.

He recently was the bad guy in Jack Reacher. Yeah. And it was great. That movie was unbelievable. Because I've always wanted a movie where that guy's too far. I can't reach that guy. Who should we call? That guy's on a ledge that's too outside of our.

Who has that kind of arm extension? Yeah guy's on a ledge that's too outside of our, who has that kind of arm extension? Yeah. Is it John for Jack Reacher? It was originally going to be the Stretch Armstrong movie. Same script, yeah.

What's the one with Keanu? Keanu just had one. Oh, John Wick. Oh my, I love when the name of the guy in the movie is something. Well, that's

Fifty Shades of Grey. The guy's name is Grey. Please don't make fun of that movie. I'm sorry. That movie. His name is Fifty Shades of Grey. The guy's name is Grey. Please don't make fun of that movie. I'm sorry. That movie. His name is Fifty Shades. I'm so into that movie. He has 50 pairs of sunglasses.

That's how he made his money. Flipping sunglasses. I had a movie, Fifty Shades of Drapes. I don't know if you saw it. It was all about, and I'm still talking, and the joke's over. Oh, no.

But Jack Reacher. This is a job for Jack Reacher. Did you see? No, I would never have seen that one. You get that for me? Yeah, I got it. He works at a Costco. I need that thing off that shelf.

That guy should have jumped from that ledge. The only way We could stop them Would be To have One of the Fantastic four Not the rock guy

He's no good The invisible woman Won't do Squiggly arms That's who we want Is that guy's name He's not Stretch Armstrong Is he

No He's Mr. Fantastic I love See my whole thing was I thought those Were the greatest I was so into those Until I was like

Ten years old Yeah And I was like 10 years old. Yeah. And then I was like, uh, okay. Spider-Man's moody, but I'm moving on. Yeah. But now I'm wrong about this. This is where I know I'm wrong about it. Because I know there must be something good that keeps people my age who I respect watching.

No. Oh, the Dark Knight movies were pretty good. Now I'm into like Daniel Klaus and Harvey Picard, all those kind of comic books. So I've tried to get into like Sandman, like Patton Oswalt sent me like the Sandman. I just can't get the, it's everything seems melodramatic to me. Well, it's comic books. You know, like they are, that's kind of how they are. Yeah, I think they have to hook you.

And when you're, like, I'm not into them. Like, I never never Seems like a I will crush his head No that can't be it By the power of Zeus No that's too old school That's basically Thor They're Thor and Zeus friends

Yeah I mean they don't They're friendly They see each other at work Oh yeah I know that guy I wouldn't consider him a friend Yeah, I mean, they don't hang out. They're friendly. Friendly. Yeah, they see each other at work. Oh, yeah, I know that guy. I wouldn't consider him a friend. I would consider him a work friend. Yeah, we're friends on Facebook. Yeah, I got him as a secret Santa last year.

He got me a hammer. He got me a hammer again. So predictable. Not everyone's into the same thing, Thor. How about the people who watch those movies and go, I just don't buy it. I just don't buy that a guy has a magic hammer. I don't buy it.

I don't buy that a woman could be as wonderful as Wonder Woman. It doesn't seem wrong to me. That's her deal? She's just wonderful? They don't have power. They don't have strength. They're weak. They're weak women.

They should have a, you know, their power should be using their feminine wiles. So can he hear the cat think? Or is like, no, you're talking about the Garfield movie? These aren't the same kind of comic books. There was an interview with the guy who directed the most recent Superman. And he said like he couldn't make it work that he would wear the red underwear. And I was like, how? Everything, like the whole world is he can fly and he can wear

whatever he wants he's he's from another planet he's an alien guy like it does add a weird thing of like just let me slip into these well in the phone booth which are were there still phone booths no yeah he hides behind an iPhone. I actually did that in that I Wish I Was Bitter, which is still available. I did a joke. I did a bit about it, which actually came from Superman, where he goes, where Jimmy Ellison goes, I wonder if, oh, he's talking to Clark Kent. He goes, I wonder if Superman knows where Miss Lane is. And then Clark Kent goes, he's not psychic, Jimmy.

This is from an actual episode. He's like, come on, Jimmy. The guy, he can see through walls and he can bend steel, but stop it with the hocus pocus mumbo jumbo. Can't read minds. That's crazy. He's a regular Superman. I know.

Oh, God. I told you I'm a fan. He's a regular superman That's I know Oh god I told you I'm a fan He's a regular superman Let's call it all of my old bits Dukakis You were just on Letterman Yes And you did stand up

But you've done like Panel Or you've done Field pieces Panel? Or you've done. Field pieces. Field pieces with them. And panel. Would you. What have I turned into?

Yes, I've done both of those, Graham. Please, let's not minimize it. Do you know, is that the last time you'll be on? Before. Before the. My manager, who is the greatest guy, but I've had the same manager for two minutes. Well, they're East Coast and they're coast and coast, but I've had the same manager for two managers. Well, they're East Coast and they're Coast and Coast, but I've had the same manager since 1992.

He was hectoring me like every week when you submit the set, when you can submit the set. So the set I submitted that I was on last May, that one, and I just submitted this one that I was just on, there could be a possibility of maybe one more set, but I wouldn't definitely not. I'm not expecting it in any way. There was no hearty handshake afterwards.

Well, see you never. Yeah, see you on the other side. The last time I was on the show, I felt very great because I was able to say to him, because he was my hero. I got into this. He was my hero. All I ever wanted to do was be on that show. And so to say to him, cause he was my hero. I got into this. He was my hero. Like, uh,

all I ever wanted to do was be on that show. And so I said to him, you know, I just basically said, I just want to thank you. This is the only thing I ever wanted to do and stand up. And I really, and you know,

he was, you know, you can tell it's like, it's not easy taking compliments and, but he was like, you could, I felt it was important for me. And so I felt like he smiled and cause to me,

I just, you know, I can't say enough about how great he is. Yeah. Yeah. When does he, when is it? May, I think May 23rd or. Okay.

Oh, really? Okay. I know. Now Jon Stewart's leaving. It's like, ah, the television I once knew. Oh God. The landscape is changing. How much do you love that?

It's everything's different now with the online. Yeah. It's like kids watch it while they're, they watch it on their shirt pockets now. They watch it on their toaster ovens now. The show I am fascinated by is what I like to call B-roll with Carson Daly. That's still on? Is it still on? He doesn't, well, in the States it is.

He doesn't have a studio anymore. He never does the actual interviews with people. Like if he does a highlight to a comedian, they send in a package. They must send a crew out to the person's house. And so it's like everything is self-contained. He's just throwing. How busy is he that he can't host his own show? Does he host something else?

Does he host like The Voice or? Yeah. Oh. The Voice or Talent or? Yeah. The Voice or Talent or... Yeah. America's Got Talent? No, that's Nick Cannon. He hosts one of those shows.

He hosts something, yeah. He used to be a big deal. Yeah, because he... Didn't he... He dated Tara Reid at some point? Yeah. And she was a big deal, too. That was two big deals Working together Really taking over Hollywood

Well that's from your generation You guys watched that show MTV Up in the Grill Up in the Grill Yeah MTV Grills Wasn't that the show With like a request live

TRL Total Request Live So you guys were all over it right Yeah We didn't have it We didn't get it In Canada You had much more music of a thing

Yeah Much more musical things That's exactly right It has no connection at all To a We didn't get it in Canada. You have much more music of a thing? Yeah. Much more musical things? That's exactly right. It has no connection at all to a... TSN is not based at all on ESPN. It's a really different thing. Oh, yeah.

Because we had... Well, we still do. We have TSN that had... Well, TSN is the sports network. Right. And it was based... It was a sports network based on ESPN. Now they even have its sports center. It's the same music for their... Da-ba-dum, da-ba-dum.

The same music. Not to blow smoke up Canada's ass, which I hope I never say anything that even sounds like that again. There is, per capita, the funniest people in the world are from this country. Unbelievable. That's a pretty good per capita. Yeah, Brian Gosling.

Michael Bublé. Yep. Michael Bublé is very funny. He is actually pretty funny. No, I was joking. No, no, no. I'm not really joking. I love his music, whatever.

What does he do? He does the go. And does he have the band, the orchestras? I was going, go, Mike, go. I heard them go like that. That's not it. Yes, go, go, go, go, Mike, go. Go, Jazzy Cat. Go, Jazzy Cat. Yeah, yeah, go. I heard them go like that. That's not it. Yes, go. Go. Go, Mike, go. Go, Jazzy Cat.

Go, Jazzy Cat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had a jazz. Have you ever had a jazz apple? A what? A jazz apple. Is that like a marijuana cigarette? No, no, it's an actual apple, but I made a mistake of getting a smooth jazz apple.

Good night, everybody. I didn't even hear what you guys were saying, which is probably funnier than what I was saying, because I wanted to do my smooth. What do you mean probably funny? I thought probably the things I'm hearing are funnier than what I'm saying, but I'm so self-involved. But what's wrong with the smooth jazz apple? Yeah, that could be a thing.

As much as a jazz apple is a thing. It sounds like it's just like applesauce. Well, jazz apple's a terrible name. Let's not argue about it. But we don't know that you haven't just made that up. No, it's true like applesauce. Well, Jazz Apple's a terrible name. Let's not argue about it. But we don't know that you haven't just made that up. No, it's true. They're Jazz Apple. Aren't you guys into apples?

Do you have ambrosia? Ambrosia? Yeah. Oh, that's a great one. Let's do this alphabetically. I think we were going to say, let's do this outside the podcast. You don't know there's a Honeycrisp Apple? No.

Honeycrisp? Granny Smith? Granny Smith is all we know. Red Delish? Granny Smith can kiss my ass. That is not a good apple. Fuji? Macintosh? No. Honeycrisp? Granny Smith? Granny Smith is all we know. Red Delish? Granny Smith can kiss my ass. That is not a good apple. Fuji? Macintosh?

It's over. Northern Spies? Northern Spies? Fuji's are good. Fuji's are good. Honeycrisp is... Lauren Hill. I like Praz.

Is Lauren Hill... That's a singer, right? She was in the Fuji's. She was in, yeah. Oh my God. You've defeated me with your elitist alt music background. Well, you defeated us Previously with the jazz Yeah

What were you guys In Fun Boy 3? What were you guys Two of the members Of Fun Boy 3? Yeah You have no idea What that reference is

No Not at all Because I'm older than you What is Fun Boy 3? I think it's a group From the 80s Are you sure It was free?

Fun Boy go Go Jazzy Jazzy. Jazzy, boo-blay, boo-blay, boo-blay, boo-blay, boo-blay, boo-blay, boo-blay. I heard a guy where I was listening because there's some good shows. There's a show called Q, which I enjoy. Yeah. You don't like Q? Well, the guy, the host got in a lot of trouble recently.

Oh, my God. Why do I not know things? I don't know. What did he do? He allegedly, according to many, many women, assaulted them. Oh, God. Now it's going to come back on. What if I was a guy who did know that but still felt it was important to say?

How much they love that show Q. Yeah. All right. Let me go on record as saying. But did you guys not like that show beforehand? I did not. I don't think I ever listened to it. What's the show guys not like that show beforehand? I did not. I don't think I ever listened to it. What's the show where they just basically interview people?

Yeah, it's Q. Yeah, Q. Oh, well, maybe I'm just liking it. Do they have different hosts than him? They do now. They do now, yeah. Oh, okay. So I just like the different segments.

I'm always like an idiot. Like, I don't know the country. So I say, I saw that Ron West show. Is that the name of it? No, what's that? Ron James? Ron James. Ron James.

Hey, pretty nice. No, Ron West show. Is that the name of it? No, what's the name? Ron James? Ron James. Hey, pretty nice. No, Ron West. Sure. He was interviewing, forget the Q part of this. Okay. All right. All right. Let's not make this about alleged.

Look, I heard an interview by a man. Alleged. What if I just wouldn't let it go? What are they saying, though? Was it really bad what they're saying? Or was it he was just inappropriately in the conversation? No, he was really bad. Two hours later.

Yeah. All right, let me just say this. Being as a sweat pouring down my face, being clearly as it, before I mentioned that I did not know

going into this interview about who, what was happening with Q. But anyway, on one of the, I don't even think it was Q. Let me take it back.

You know what show I love? And now you're going to tell me this. I loved As It Happens. As It Happens, yeah. Am I in trouble now? No. They drowned a bunch of cats. But did the cats deserve it?

Yeah, absolutely. Folks, you're a wonderful crowd. No, they interviewed a Canadian musician from Nova Scotia that I'd never heard of before. Yeah. But it was very interesting. I have no information. Oh, God. Oh, my God.

He wrote a song about a famous ship that had... Oh, the Edmund Fitzgerald? No, it's not that guy. It's not Gordon Life? Oh, cool. A sundown, you better... How come that guy

was never investigated? For a while. He said that song. He's staring out the window. He's staring through the window. Yeah, yeah. Oh For a while. Said that song. Staring out the window. You never. Staring through the window. Yeah. Oh, my God.

That's true. I got a fake look up cue now. Oh, I don't feel good. Why? I like day six. Don't tell me anything's happened to day six. I don't know what that is. No, it's day six.

It's a CBC show. Oh, I don't know. Really? I know. As it happens, I know. Quirks know as it happens, I know quarks and quarks. You stink. Yeah. All of you. I hate all of you.

Oh, man. Dave, what's going on with you, man? Why bother? I know. This has been everything. No, no. I would just like to say right now, I would like to go on record as saying, I never said I liked Q.

I never said, if I said Q, that's not the letter of the alphabet I meant to say. Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like W5. Oh, yeah. That is a Canadian shirt. You know what the thing is that's really about me is I hate so many things, but I also am not somebody who prejudges things. So your automatic reaction isn't to just like, I'm going to hate this.

So if I hear a guest that I think is interesting and they're talking, then I'll say I like that show. Right. And then you gave me a look like I was the stupidest man in the world. No. No. And hour three on the Q discussion. So here's the problem.

I was denied the alphabet as a child. Not everyone. Are you going to cut off all this Q stuff? No. Okay, good. This is great. This is all good. This is what I need.

Why would. This is just what my career needs. Why would Canadian public radio news make it to America? Because it's because we only, there's only a couple of stations you can listen to in America, which are NPR stations. Why would you know that something happened with the host? Oh, right. Although there was an article in Esquire.

Well, that should be all over the place, right? Shouldn't that be all over the papers and stuff? Yeah, here it is. But why would it be there? Oh, okay.

Yeah. But it's like, you know, you heard about Jimmy Salvo in Britain. That's the guy I was thinking of.

Yeah, so that's this country's... This isn't your father's Jimmy Salvo. Is it Jimmy Salvo? Salvo? Oh, Salvo. From like Salvo Row. Yeah, maybe. I don't think father's Jimmy Salvo. Is it Jimmy Salvo? Saville? Oh, Saville from like Saville Row. Yeah, maybe. I don't think he is.

And we'll be back with another hour of the most uncomfortable. I know! Hour two, Roman Polanski. Do you like Chinatown? Or do you have to change your opinion because of the case? The thing with that guy,

Jimmy Salville, is Salville? Salville. Jim will fix it? Jim will fix it. He looks so crazy. Yeah. He looks so crazy that it was amazing that he was a guy who was a guy that had kids.

Around kids all around. Because he just looks like a guy that you would have just been like, no. He's always chomping on a cigar and he's got weird red glasses. No, but it was the 60s and 70s. Oh, so what you're saying is, you're saying anybody with weird red glasses, you know, chomping a cigar is all of a sudden guilty now of some kind of crime. Great. It's, I mean, you shouldn't show up to court wearing your red glasses and chomping your

That used to be my signature when I was a prosecuting attorney. Yeah. I would wear Stephen Bishop style glasses. Who could Stephen Bishop possibly be, Andy? Is that a 70s rocker who wrote the theme song to Welcome Back, Carter? No, that's John Sebastian. Right. So that's not him then.

But Stephen Bishop used to have crazy glasses. Or maybe I'm mixing up two adbios. Elton John? I'm then But Stephen Bishop used to have crazy glasses Or maybe I'm mixing up two anecdotes Elton John? I'm googling Stephen Bishop Do you think it's PH or V? Stephen? I think it's PH Nothing?

Is it even a You only get Canadian Google up here Is he a goalie? All you have to know is What does kilometers convert to. That's all you get up here, right? Hey, can you believe this weather? It's like nine.

Huh? It's crazy. Is this who you're talking about? Yes. Those are some crazy glasses. No, I screwed it up completely. He has normal glasses, and I think I was thinking John Sebastian glasses, or another person who's a third person who has nothing to do.

Someone else from the Loving Spoonful Yeah God damn it I lost my post-it note With gold on it Alright here's the thing With that joke Q I wanted to talk about

Yes Is it And we're back And we're back Yeah So who was that Nova Scotia singer Let me finish by saying

I don't think it was Nova Scotia It could have been Halifax He's a very popular Let me finish by saying, I don't think it was Nova Scotia. It could have been Halifax. Halifax is in Nova Scotia. He's a very popular musician in your country where you only have four musicians. Oh, boy. Would it have been Joel Plaskett? Did he sing a song about the Blue Nose?

This is the famous ship. Or maybe it was the guy from Great Big Sea that's on tour. Yes, it is that guy. Oh, right. We did it. He wrote a song song the name of this ship that had sunk, but they had written their names on it, or they'd written a note to their

wives on it. It is the guy from Great Dixie. What's his name? Alan Doyle? Yeah, I think that's right. Stop coming up with names to make me look bad. That's a Sherlock Holmes reference. No, that's Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Well you're damn right it is Why am I mad Why are they Why are they So many names back then I would I would be happy with Conan But he had to go

With Arthur Conan Doyle And Sir On top of it Was it because he was In Screen Actors Guild And there already was Yeah There was already

A David Hyde Pierce Conan Doyle William H. Macy's I used to shop At William H. Macy's. Folks, these are placeholders for future jokes that will be written. Oh, yeah. And anyone who's like, pretends they know Sir Arthur Conan Doyle is like, oh, I was at Artie's the other day.

And he was, you know, writing about dinosaurs. Paul Thomas Anderson and then Paul W.S. Anderson. Yeah. And one of them directs great movies and the other one directs just like Bilge. Why didn't you like Boogie Nights? See, I went the other way with it. I went the other way with it. Yeah, pretty good.

Did you see Bilge 2? I didn't even know there was a Bilge 2. Rise of the Lycans? What did you say? Rise of the Lycans? Why are you saying words that I don't know? Is that L-I-C-H-E-N-S? L-I-C-H-E-N-S. Oh. Oh, you're talking about of the Lycans. Why are you saying words that I don't know? Is that L-I-C-H-E-N-S? L-I-C-H-E-N-S.

Oh. Oh, you're talking about old school Lycans. Is that like a lychee nut? I don't know what it is. A Lycan's like a sea creature. I don't know who the Valkyrie are. Oh. Well, they're the people who wanted to assassinate Hitler.

They were? Oh, yeah, Valkyrie. Why do I not know about it? No, no, no. That's the old Valkyries with the Vikings or something. Oh, you're talking, it's old school. Oh, you're the ride of the Valkyries. I don't know anything about that.

I don't know what a Norseman is. If a Norseman came into this house right now, I wouldn't know him from Adam. You wouldn't even know what that reference is. You know, he'd have the horns and he'd be going to Valhalla probably. So what is that? Is that like a candy bar? If a Norseman came in here, I wouldn't know him from Olaf.

Someone made a reference that I'm the somebody of a book I've never read. Actually, he's a... Was it on cue? It was a Canadian writer who wrote a really great dissection of my act. And he used to be with the film board. And he said I'm the, of the

Tolkien of, Tolkien is a guy that I'm the Gandalf. Sounds like you're the Gandalf. I'm the Gandalf of comedy. Sounds like you've been Tolkien. That's not funny, I smoke my pot. No, that's not funny. Sounds like, I wish everybody

Could be here To see how funny Your face was When you did When you When you When you When you

When you When you The actual joint Toking a little doobie Yeah So he said So what So I think that's a good

Thing he said But I don't know What Gandalf is Gandalf's a wizard Do you like those Are you dressed as a wizard Yes Thank you

I like the idea That someone would say You obviously Have joke clothing And appearance Yeah So you would know about it wizard. Do you like those movies? Are you dressed as a wizard? Yes, thank you. I like the idea that someone would say, you obviously have joke clothing and appearance, so you would know about this. You were dressed like

a wizard. Yes, you were Mr. Wonder, when you were in Zap Comics, right? We talked about this a couple weeks ago. Mystic Funnies.

Who? Mr. Natural. Oh, Mr. Natural. So when did you first decide you would steal Mr. Natural? Oh, Mr. Natural. So when did you first decide you would steal Mr. Natural's persona? So your thing was, I'm going to be a mountain man comic, and then you. And then I, and then it just, the money just kept flowing in.

And so I said, I'm going to keep it. The Unabomber is your hero. Not what he did. Not what he did, but what he said. You don't agree with the sending of the things in the mouth. Yeah, but his point was. Yeah, he doesn't do comedy so much as a manifesto. Yeah, exactly.

Every time I hit the stage, it's just a new chapter. Yeah. My name was Manifesto for a couple of years. I toured the country. I will do this joke. I continue to do this joke It's one of my favorite constructions This Manifesto? I toured the country as

So a recent one is I toured the country as Al Dente My comedy is not quite That punchline will mature As you ingest it And so Manifesto to me Makes me I say to myself How do I do it? I'm a genius as you ingest it. And so Manifesto to me makes me, I say to myself, how do I do it?

I'm a genius. Genius level comedy. And I'm sure you guys are in awe of that kind of comedy. Yeah, yeah. What's the payoff though? What is Manifesto's act? Well, we bought a condo in Sherman Oaks. That's the payoff.

Manifesto? Oh yeah, he goes on and on and he's, what do I have to write everything about the bit? Yeah, I mean, most of it. I turn the country as blank. Or some of it, you mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I come up with the construction, you fill in the blanks, and then I cash a nice paycheck. I'm so tired of everything has to be spelled out, including the actual bit.

Ridiculous. Yeah, It's like You can't just come up anymore And just do eyebrows Yes You know what I mean 45 minutes of eyebrows I

Did a lot of funny Visual takes Yeah That's got me going Into the business Yeah I went right there In that last sentence

I lost all the will to live I really went I felt terrible I had the memory Of my Q comment came back to haunt me. See, here's what I'm scared of. People not only not know that I didn't know about the Q thing, I'll look like a hack because I like to show that you guys gave a look like, how could you like that show? And then people will judge me in Canada as they've judged me in America. There will be a Twitter feud.

Yeah. With a robot. I will have to do a Mia. Mia. I'm trying to think of a name with it. Culpa. Yeah, Mia. Mia.

Mia Culpa. Yeah. Do it as Mia Culpa. Did you like Robert Culpa? Folks, pun syndrome is a very serious painful disease. I thought you were picking up the Post-its to write down Robert Culpin. Robert Culpin. I think that one can stay in the room.

Sure. Sure. It might be annoying to you if someone does a pun. But if you think of it as an ailment, as an affliction, does that help you? Yeah. Does that help you get through it? Yeah. Yeah.

Guys, do we want to take a break? Sure. And use the restroom. All right. Okay, cool. We'll be right back. Do you have to say that? No.

Hello, buddies. I'm Travis McElroy. And I'm Andy Bolt. And we're the hosts of Bunker Buddies. We're a podcast where we're amateur survivalists and we talk about things like the apocalypse. And we talk about zombies and preparedness. What are you going to wear when it's the apocalypse? And you have no idea if you don't listen to our show.

It comes out every Wednesdays on MaximumFun.org and on iTunes. Sometimes we try weird foods or we talk about where to camp or how to avoid getting eaten or any of these things. Yeah, so listen to us because it might just save your life. We'll see you in the bunker. Bye. Hey, everyone. We're the Flophouse, one of the newest additions to the Maximum Fun Podcasting Network I'm Dan McCoy

I'm Stuart Wellington And I'm Elliot Kalin What is the Flophouse, you may very well ask? We watch a bad movie and then we talk about it A bad movie podcast? Isn't that like every fifth podcast on the internet? I'd answer that by saying One, we've been doing this show for over seven years

Long before the entire premise of our show was a cliche. And two, shut up. Sick bird. I'd say that our show is more of a comedy podcast. A podcast about words that sound like other words. A podcast about me singing long, irritating songs like this one. A podcast about pitches for a Ziggy comic book movie. Or discussions about sex tarps.

Yeah, I mean, mostly it's a show about three friends just hanging out and talking about ding-dongs. That's mostly used to. Wait, what? So if you like any of those things, subscribe in iTunes today or visit MaximumFun.org to follow the show. The Flophouse! Woo!

Overheard! Overheard! Yeah, I know we usually go to break and say they're coming up but that was a minute ago yeah that's true and uh and uh dave needed to be so bad guys we didn't have to mention that again i could have edited it out oh no no no it's uh it's important people know my bladder is my business that's true Keep the government out of your bladder. And business is good. Keep the government out of my bladder unless they bring something to the table. I like that he starts a bit before he

knows it's going to finish. But it's good. It's like, oh, keep the government out of my bladder. That has a good rhythm to it. Now, where is it going to go? I have no clue. Don't reveal the secret. I'm eating a meal bar.

And that's the secret. Yeah. What's going on? We're using hand motions. What do you call meal bars? I don't know what they're called. Show us the package of it. Like a balance bar or a.

Like a granola bar or a like a granola bar yeah granola bar we would call it yeah no that's not it can't be the name what are you from the 60s oh energy bar but that's not an energy bar well white watch now that he'll watch him go yeah check it out check it out what else is in the news? Very fast. I'm going to move this. That one had cocaine in it. Oh, okay. Here we go. Our baby is teething, and there are people who are like, oh, you should rub a little bit of wine on the gums.

No, they don't say that. Yeah, yeah. Some people. Yeah, brandy was the thing that you would do. Well, why not cocaine? That's what people rub that on their gums now. Sure, absolutely. Well, only to figure out if it's pure. Oh, that's true. C people rub that on their gums now. Sure. Absolutely. Well, only to figure out if it's pure.

Oh, that's true. Cops rub it on their gums. Yeah. This is. Yeah. So you, everybody gives you a suggestion. You turn into some kind of criminal. Yeah.

Oh yeah. While they're trying to give my kid arsenic to rub it as gums. Well, people are like, you know what you should do to cut that heroin is the baby formula. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, breast milk. Breast milk all the way. I'm still on breast milk. Oh, yeah?

Yeah. No, it just felt like a good thing to throw in there. And my mom's 85. She says, enough already with you trying to suck on my breast. Oh. Oh, no. You people don't want to hear it Oh You people don't want to hear it You people don't want to hear it

I'm dealing with taboos Now, overheards Usually we start with a guest But we've taken our guest by surprise Shouldn't you have asked me this? This should have been something in the pre-interview Oh I just met you

Yeah Oh And I sent it in an email But, you know Did you say that in the email? Oh, for sure. Yeah. Oh, my God.

Uh-oh. I didn't even read... Gotcha journalism. Oh, you mean the email that had, like, a lot of writing in it about the show? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh. But don't worry about it. We'll go around.

We'll see if it... I'll come up with something. Yeah. I apologize for everything that I've done. No. Never. You're a treasure. Yeah.

Dave, you go. Mine isn't really even a very good one. It wasn't even what the guy said or how he said it. It was just that he was starting a conversation in his weird time. Did you hear about that Sam Smith song that... Yes, based on the Petty song. Tom Petty song. Yeah.

And they, it came out, you know, a year ago, but now he's deciding him some money. Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, the, uh, I was walking my dog and it was like 10 o'clock at night. It was dark and someone was pulling up and, uh, letting their friend out of the car, like to drive it, driving them off at home.

And the person, as the car was stopped in the middle of the street, and they were getting out of the car, he started up an entire conversation. It was like, oh, did you hear about this guy? Oh, God. Yeah, it's like the song's based, it sounds like a Tom Petty song. So he owes them a bunch of money now. Okay, bye. I just had that.

It went through my checklist, and there was one thing left that I wanted to get out in the conversation. Anyways, I'll go now. Yeah. Yeah, my overheard comes courtesy of being in a diner and a guy being very exasperated about this particular topic. Not that anybody else brought it up, but he said way too loudly, Ugh, I am so over okra. It wasn't on the menu or anything. Why was he getting gumbo?

Yeah, yeah. No, this was in Louisiana. I should have said it was in Louisiana. But okra is, I don't understand it really. It's kind of weird. I kind of don't know what it is. It looks like a revolver of a gun. And it has four barrels. Chambers.

Chambers of goodness. Me and my friends play Louisiana roulette with some okra. We spin it. And if there's seeds in it, it doesn't work. But you're rubbing off. I take everything completely seriously. That's my problem with that. Oh, they do.

They play Louisiana roulette. I wouldn't know seriously. I know. That was my problem with that. Oh, they do. They play Louisiana roulette. I wouldn't know okra from Oprah. No. I couldn't taste it. I don't know. It's in gumbo. You have it in the gumbo. I don't know if I've ever had gumbo.

I think I've gotten it as a side at a, you know, like a vegetarian restaurant. You want some deep fried... Yeah. Deep fried okra? Okra, yeah. And then I was like, yeah, well, if it's deep fried, I'll try it.

I'll try anything once it's deep fried. I'm so over okra. Are you really? I thought you were in. It's a callback. Goddamn callback. I thought it was with a couple of professionals.

Because it went... What have the foods been that people have gotten into and then over? Kale. Yam fries. Yam fries. Acai. Oh yeah. Sriracha. No, people are still

annoyingly all over Sriracha. Is Sriracha a sauce? Yeah, a hot sauce. It's got a chicken on the... It's got a rooster. A cock. I don't like it. Is a hot sauce. I don't like it. It's got a chicken on the. It's got a rooster. A rooster, a cock. I don't like it.

Is it getting popular? I don't like it. It's. Is it hot? How hot is it? It's so hot you can't taste all the various subtleties of the food. I don't know what it is because I don't think. Because for years you would have it.

You go to a Vietnamese pho restaurant and they would have sriracha. Yeah. Uh, on the table. You, you, you took such pleasure in pronouncing. Pho. Correctly. Yeah. You loved it.

Yeah. You looked over at me, gave me a little look like, there you go, Mr. New Yorker. Yeah. P-H-O. How are you going to pronounce that, you son of a bitch? And they have a lot of pun. My friend, uh, Jeremy points out all the, the pun pho names. Yeah, yeah, yeah. every one of them is a too far to go that's a bad example but no no that's good yes uh foe foe show forget about it

forget about it yeah yeah this is an italian uh fusion friend or foe oh Oh, yeah. Focra. Which is a weird one. I'm so over focra. Fol- Folk festival. Yeah. Maybe I should give it up if there's many of these restaurants. I can't think of one example. Yeah.

So close, but so foe. Eating phone home. I got my overheard. You ready? Okay. Okay. This happened this morning. Fa la la la full. Eating phone home. I got my overheard. You ready? Okay. Okay. So this happened this morning. Fa la la la la, the Christmas soup.

Fa la la la la. Fa la la la la. That's pretty good. But they're all spelled with an O's. Yeah. P-H-O-L-L-O. I like the name of a restaurant that no one would ever be able to figure out how to find it. Or what it's really based on.

What was that great place that was based on a Christmas pun? Where the la-la-las were replaced with oh. Oh, you mean fa-la-la-la? Fa-la-la-la-la. I was in the hotel this morning. And I was just walking around. And I hear this guy. And he's on the, like he's on a cell phone.

And he says, I just killed seven people and uh i'm gonna go he gave a specific address i'm gonna go over here and kill four more people if i'm not stopped so i'm like this is hilarious and then i went and i got a muffin i did the right thing right yeah absolutely you gotta get that blood sugar legitimate overheard but i don't know these two guys that we flew up with and they were nice guys i'm only saying this because what if they listen to this podcast and they hate me right but they were had a little i never figured out what the item was it was like a little thing like almost the size of a small thing, a pepper spray or a zip disc, or it was a little package. And the one guy was reading it, and he was just like, yeah, they were laughing with his

friend. Can you believe it? And then he gave it to his wife and said, this is the funniest thing. It's the funniest thing. And you have to read it. And she's reading it, and she's reading it. And the fine print, too. She's like like I can't

laugh at what you keep saying and then then I got into a whole and then I decided that they had it couldn't possibly be funny

right so then I just in my mind thought about what is this thing hilarious it's like warning

don't put it in your wife's shoes, whatever it was. It was hilarious. And you'll never find out what it was. That's the best overheard you guys have ever had in this show. I like it. Top ten. I didn't even read the email you sent me. Yeah.

Have you ever done that where you've been so excited about something that's funny and you try and get the person to watch it or whatever, but it's not... You mean my act? Oh, you mean where you're trying to convey the... That you're like, I saw this movie or this show and it's so funny. Oh, I'm bad with that. I do it all the time. I try all the time to convey things I think are funny and I do it poorly.

And then the person goes, nah. Nah. Nah. I'm not going to do that. Well, it's like every trailer, every comedy trailer. It's like all the jokes. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah, I get it. I get it, the dictator. You have jokes. Oh, man. What's the dictator? It was that Sacha Baron Cohen movie.

That wasn't very good? That one? It just had like all the like just nonstop jokes in 30 seconds and then no one saw the movie. Did you see the movie?

I didn't see it called Neighbors or The Neighbors. Yep. Okay. So I didn't see that movie and I refused to see it because of the trailer, which is, uh, uh, that guy, what is he? Seth Rogen. America's Sweetheart. And he's saying. Zac Efron.

Zac Efron? Zac Efron. So, Seth Rogen's sitting on a toilet. And all of a sudden, the toilet collapses. And then, you see like a rope of urine that goes in the air. And I said, that's it. I'm not going to see that movie. And then, someone told me that that scene wasn't even in the movie. It isn't in the movie. So that made me even more angry. Well, yeah.

They'll try to rope you with that rope of urine. Well, you know, I was at Montreal. You know, you were talking about the, we were talking off camera. We do a lot of talking on this. Yeah. We can't share with you. On the alternative show that I hosted in Montreal, I had Gerard Carmichael and Hannibal Buress.

So after Gerard Carmichael does his set, I start going off on the neighbors but not knowing that he's in the movie. Oh, yeah. So they thought

it was hilarious. Like they, he goes, I love it. This guy will go right after you. Even then, Hannibal was also

on the show and I said, guys, I would never specifically go out of my way. Then I watched the movie. I see he's all over that movie. Yeah.

It's a... Your favorite movie of all time? Yeah, I guess so. Sort of. In Canada, that was... The best movie ever made? Yeah, it was kind of considered our Citizen Kane. Yes.

Because of Seth Rogen. Is he from Canada? Yeah, of course he is. He's from here. He's the greatest. He knows I heckle him on Twitter because he's responded to me a couple times. And he's been like, hey, blocked or no? No, no, no, no.

He's got to say, you know, he's a weird guy. He's weird because I don't know what it is that bothers me. Like, I like, like, he makes me laugh. Like, when he goes on Letterman, I think it's a very funny interview. But it's almost like his voice drives me crazy or something. And then when he did, when he was in that show, the 40, that's not the 40-year-old version. Yeah, he was in that. Funny people.

Yeah, he was also in that. No, I liked him in the knocked up thing. And of course, I love Freaks and Geeks. But in Funny People, his act, and his act in real life is so dick jokey that it's like... Am I in trouble now? No, no, no. That you were like, all right. Am I in trouble now?

No, no, no. This is into a discussion. I think funny people, no one thought that was like. The third hour was great. There was. I liked Aziz Ansari's character. Randy. Randy. But then I saw him live and I'm like, I'm not sure you're not Randy.

Yeah. Well, that was the thing. I thought he was selling bits that he did in his act under the guise of, you know what I mean? Like being a guy. I don't understand what the, like were people laughing at that character or they were laughing at. I think you were supposed to laugh at that character. But I don't know. Because he went, he eventually did like, he had a DJ on stage with him while he was in character.

But it was really hard to separate. It was like the DJ was the difference. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like me versus me in a hat. I was speaking of, like, trailers with just, like, gross out. The trailer for Ted 2. Oh, my God. As soon as the. for ted 2 oh my god uh as soon as the satc 2 i was i was watching it and the they mentioned the premise that oh you know we want to have a baby and i was like well there's

going to be a scene in this the trailer where he ends up covered in semen like there's guaranteed and not even 10 seconds oh my god how is it that you're able to think that's a genius joke, but how genius is it that you were able to? That I was able to think of it. Nobody would see where that was going. No, I swear to God. I'm actually half joking because I think it is genius that you would think they would go so terrible with a joke.

Well, I was just like, this is guaranteed. As soon as they were like. Oh, you saw the Red Band trailer. Yes. Oh, yes. What does that mean? I don't know.

Oh. I mean, I, you guys are, what I get now from this whole thing is, you're constantly giving him looks like,

who's this yokel from California and then you're purposely using expressions to alienate me and then not knowing what they mean. I'm blocking you,

not just on Twitter, I'm blocking you from your house. It's the dirty trailer. The filthy, where they can swear. Yeah. Because that's different from the red box,

where you buy a movie for 12 cents. Hey, rent this movie, don't bring it back. Here, it's a penny. Go ahead,

knock yourself out. How do they, how they do it? Yeah, how they, I assume it's volume. But I don't know what red band means. Is that like a Canadian? No, no, it's, how they do it? Yeah, how they, I want to see that. I assume it's volume. But I don't know what Red Bad means. Is that like a Canadian?

No, no. That's my thing. Is that a Canadian thing? No, it's like the dirty version of the trailer. Oh, we call that in America, the dirty version of the trailer. Oh, man. I like this second half of the interview where I'm obnoxious, yet not that funny. But also, I'm off-put yet not that funny but also I'm

off-putting and I'm also I cut into the conversation at the wrong time. I like it. We're all working real hard. Yeah.

I got the vibe though that you guys were scared to death to alienate Seth Rogen because he must own this country or something like that. No, no, no.

I mean he owns big parts of it but not the area. Did you see the movie where the guy gets, I heard that movie was good where his friend has cancer or something like that? 50-50? Yeah, they shot that here, I think. Yeah, haven't seen it.

Let's get more uncomfortable with this. It's good. I don't know that I've. It's sad and funny. Yeah, like I liked Knocked Up, or did I? Did I like Knocked Up? Yeah, Knocked Up's fine. Yeah, and I like 40 year old virgin

and i liked uh the other one super bad that he's kind of oh yeah i like that super bad but then everything else i don't know you love the interview yeah that's true i did love the i like get get me to the the venue i'm playing now here's a perfect example russell brand it's not a perfect example Russell Brand It's not a perfect example Any because you haven't Established what you're saying No yeah There's a perfect example

Of something I was thinking A perfect example of you Thinking Jonah Hill Is Seth Rogen Yeah No I have sometimes Heard Russell Brand

Like read stuff he's written Or listen to him When he talks about spirituality Where he's sitting on his bed And he's doing those things No I don't know where it is Where he's a guest on a show. Where I have absolutely loved him.

Loved him. Like the funniest thing ever. And then I see some of the stand up and I don't get it. Yeah. So what am I saying, Andy? That you can't have mixed feelings about somebody? And then he did these movies. Like I would do any.

I mean, I haven't been in a movie, so I shouldn't talk. You've never been in a movie mean I haven't been in a movie So I shouldn't talk You've never been in a movie? I've never been in a movie Arthur 2 I mean that's Yeah I mean I loved Arthur It was

I thought I'm so afraid Because you guys are smarter than me You're hipper You're more respected than me That we're gonna like Yeah Oh Arthur

What you didn't get about Arthur Did you know that half the people In that movie Were accused of sexual assault? And you didn't like it? Oh, now I don't know if I like it. But then the author, too, looked terrible to me. Yeah, no, it looked bad.

No one saw that. What, Arthur 2? Well, I think it was just called Arthur. Oh, the remake. Yeah. It was called Arthur as well. It was called... Would you want to be in a movie where you play a stand-up comedian commenting on a fake

character like a like a president that's only in the movie and then you're doing jokes on letterman about the fake president what movie was that well you know like any movie where there's a fake president yeah and then l Leno does some jokes about. Hey, President McCluskey's back in the news. Yeah, yeah. It looks like you've read some of those drafts of my movie screenplays. They get Larry King to do it a lot. Yeah, Larry King was in a lot of movies.

These Ghostbusters are out of control. I love when they get newscasters in funny movies to play a part. It's always, they get Anderson Cooper. in funny movies play a part it's always i think they get anderson cooper you say to yourself that's how brian williams will make a comeback is he'll be in a movie where he is on a plane that gets shot down and he'll be like not again and then everybody will be like he's back yeah he's back an airplane three yeah now that broke my heart that brian williams because he's like the only guy on tv that I enjoyed watching news-wise. But what is the deal?

It's just because he bullshitted about a thing? Well, that's the thing, too. The other part of it is maybe it's like, we don't know. We're still in the area of not knowing what he did. Right. He got swift-boated. What does that mean? You know what swift-boating is, right?

No. That's what happened to John Kerry. Oh, I know that, but what is the context? That would be if he was swift boated, if it turned out that he really did just exaggerate something. I forget. Well, if you're saying if he got swift boated, it means like he got railroaded before we knew what the facts were. Oh, yeah. My wife loves him, and my wife's like, well, you know, she wants to see the best interpretation of the facts so far,

which is maybe he did actually forget or something like that. But is it, why? Because he didn't do it on the news, right? Didn't he just do it as a part of a conversation with Letterman or something? He did it in various guises. I think that story changed over the years. And like I have. When I was two, I went to Disneyland and I definitely remember meeting the guy, the captain of that boat we were on.

But now looking back, I might have just remembered the pictures I saw. Yeah, yeah. You may have been forming a memory later. Yeah. Yeah. But. So I'm like, I'm like Brian Williams in that way. Well, as the week has gone on, there are been other things that have come out that do seem strange.

But I have like on. Like other crazy. Well, no, other stuff like even on Letterman where he talked about one of the guys in his unit sent him. One guy sent him this thing that was a piece of some. If it turns out that it's not a good, it's not a simple thing if I'm exaggerating, it would be a case of that he's elaborating on these things. Right. Right. Sensationalizing.

Like he's sensationalizing, which is an odd character trait to have. As a newsman. Well, yeah, as a newsman. They then showed like, they were like, well, can we question everything else that he's ever done now? like, they were like, well, can we question everything else that he's ever done now? Not really. Well, because they then showed a clip of him talking about being in the Superdome in Hurricane Katrina, and there being, like, reports of, you know, someone fell off the... He said he saw someone drown.

Oh, well, no, there was someone... Oh, he saw someone commit suicide. Someone commit suicide, but then in an earlier report, he had said that there were reports of someone committing suicide. And then it went, he suddenly had seen it. Then he said he got dysentery too. Yeah. Yeah. And then people say there was no, so who knows?

I mean, I, I, I'm, it's weird when you do like somebody though, because it's like, I really liked him. He's had a good sense of humor. And he was, yeah, he's like an all around kind of charming. Yeah. Presence And I hate everybody In the news NBC especially

Except for The guy who goes Angle The guy who's actually In the field Oh I don't know Richard Angle I like

Al Roker Yeah Yeah He exaggerates About the weather Yeah I was in a tornado Yesterday

I didn't really Crap my pants At the weather I Yeah. I was in a tornado yesterday. I didn't really crap my pants at the way. I can't believe that. That to me is unbelievable that someone would relate that story. I literally can't believe that he did that. And then. He would tell that story. I know.

Then did you hear when Conan, like when the Tonight Show didn't work out for Conan O'Brien, not Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Second choice. Al Roker was like, well, I think it's just bad karma because he kept making fun of me for crapping my pants. Did he say that? No. He did say that. No. Yes.

But like, if you don't want people to make fun of you for crapping your pants, do you keep that on the down low? Yeah, don't tell that story. There's nothing about that story that anybody, you don't want people. My family has been like, we understand there's a bathroom. We understand these accidents happen. Let's all keep it to ourselves. That's my philosophy. My family.

I used to do a joke about how someone said, is that Austin Powers' new movie is good? And then they go, well, if you like bathroom humor. No, I don't like bathroom humor. I've never been in the bathroom and said, oh, this would be a great bit. And then like even at age three, I would tell my friends, gentlemen, is this really necessary? What are we, two? So it's so embarrassing that there would have to be a real payoff to that anecdote of like this was the most embarrassing moment of my life yeah or something yeah or that it was a thing like look doesn't this make me look more human

more like an average joe i'm like it makes you look less than average makes it makes you like i only i only uh you know crap myself at bad houses not at the the White House. Not at the White House. Come on. A lot of comedians and people enjoy talking about crapping their pants. I don't know why. It's pretty funny. Or they even use I crap my pants as, or I wet myself

a little. It was so funny. I don't need it. I don't need it and I don't want it. You can just say something's funny and that's good enough. I just, it can't be so funny that it gave me diarrhea. I don't want to say that. But that's, you know, that's a real Al Roker. That's what I'm just going to say.

Stop it. You're going to make me vomit from joy. I just Rokered a bit. Yeah, there you go. See? Class it up. Yeah. Wekered a bit. Yeah, there you go. See? Class it up. Yeah. We made it, guys.

We also have overheard sent in by listeners. If you want to send one in, you can send it in to spy at maximumfund.org. And the first one comes from, who? I don't know who this person is. But they're from Baltimore. So that's... Are we live? No, no, no.

Yep, we're live. First time, long time. Why was I looking on my Twitter? I don't know. Huh, interesting. I was walking through a farmer's market in Baltimore, Maryland this weekend. Oh, farms in Baltimore. And overheard this gem said completely nonchalantly from one guy to another,

Yeah, she got one of those mail-order brides, so he got to rename her when she got here, which is not, that's not how it works, is it? Well, I mean, I guess if it was a robot bride. Yeah, that's true. What's wrong with that? I mean, when I had my mail-order bride, I changed her name daily.

I called her UPS. Yeah. FedEx was one of my names for her. What is it? You guys don't get FedEx here? What do you call it? Rogers Delivery Service? They do own everything in this country.

Rogers. Oh man. It's embarrassing that the biggest media conglomerate is called Rogers. Because it just seems like a guy's thing. Are they the ones that are religious or they're kind of nice? I don't know. I have no idea. I don't want to be in trouble with Rogers.

No, you don't. That's all I need. They'll shut you down. People come to Canada, forget about it, for the healthcare, they come for the great phone plans. Yeah. That was sarcastic. Isn't the phone plans high? Now I have to check with you on everything. Q is a good reference

Or not a good reference No it's still not good The phone plans is bad Not bad Q great letter Howie Mandel references Still big Oh still big

Absolutely Lorne Michaels And his comedy partner Do you remember what his name was? Lorne and Hart Lorne and Hart Yeah Yeah

Yeah Still huge That's an icebreaker for me At a cafe here? Oh, Lorne and Hart. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, still huge. That's an icebreaker for me at a cafe here. Oh, I like Lorne and Hart. And then people go, what? You remember Hart? Wayne Schuster? Yep.

And they were huge for many years. Royal Canadian Air Force. These are all. I still can't believe there was something named Air Force. For years. Like decades and decades. something named Air Force. For years. Like decades and decades. In the 70s. Royal Canadian Air Force.

Yeah, but do you get it though? In other words, it's a takeoff on force. Okay, I didn't get that at first. Ah, there you go. See. This next one comes from. That comedy's under my head. Well, have you seen the show?

No. Their biggest bit ever was shooting chickens out of a cannon. Yeah. For real? Yeah. Well, bit ever was shooting chickens out of a cannon. Yeah. For real? Yeah. Well, rubber chickens. Oh. Was it frozen chickens?

Eventually, they just put whatever was in the news this week. Like eight minutes on glass notes. Yeah. Let's just shoot some perestroika out of this cannon. Oh, God. The next one comes from Steven S. Parts unknown. Don't know where this person's from.

You're the last guy you just knew Baltimore. This guy you just know the name. Yeah. Use your imagination. Put it together. Two young ladies having a conversation about men. One says to the other emphatically, I want a man who wants to get up and fucking garden.

Which, that's not a thing that ladies, is that what ladies want? Is the swearing with the quaint gardening. Yeah, but. My wife likes to make a move on her in the garden. Hey, honey, how are the petunias, if you know what I'm talking about? I don't know what you're talking about. She doesn't know what I'm talking about. Do you know what you're talking about? No, but I just talking about. I don't know what you're talking about. She doesn't know what I'm talking about. Do you know what you're talking about?

No, but I just asked her, my, this is the worst thing I'm going to ever say. My come online to her was, do you feel lightheaded? All right, look, I don't even know where I was going

with the whole thing there. I want to know where it's going. I did write this joke that if I was single, because my whole thing is like, I love, when I was single, I love, you know, I wanted to sleep with every woman in the world. I was like one of those guys. Oh, everyone, every woman from 20 to 200 looked good to me. Right. So I always tell my wife I'd be like, you know, blind in a clinic somewhere from syphilis. So my joke that I would use if I was, if I was

single, I would have Craigslist premium. Luckily I was never attractive enough to, uh, to be a wolf. A wolf. Yeah. You know, a guy, a player. Yeah. But you know, yeah.

Same here. You know, you know what I'm talking about. I believe you. Like a Vinnie Chase type. Yeah. Oh yeah. Vinnie Chase you know what I'm talking about. I believe you. Like a Vinny Chase type. Oh, yeah, Vinny Chase. Man. Oh, boy, that's the fantasy, guys. How many girls that he has slept with thinks that his real name is Vinny Chase?

What do you think? Oh, what's the overrunner? Yeah. I don't know. Oh, boy. The joke there was like maybe my wife had a glass of champagne or something. Oh. It wasn't like a Bill Cosby.

Well, see, that's how i read it yeah and i was like andy's andy after dark yeah yeah that's the way is that how you took it or it was just confusing to you it was confusing to me i was waiting for for more as i was saying it i was thinking someone would take that as a joke uh right taste about cosby but then also i was still trying to figure out what you meant by your petunias. Well, the petunias were just like anything could be sexual if you're doing a sexual thing. Like doing eyebrows?

Yeah, would you like to see my two lips in your ass? Something like that. I don't know what it is. Isn't that the thing that you... But to me, about asking if my wife was lightheaded

would be funny if there was no Cosby. You know what I'm saying? If Cosby, if those things hadn't happened, then it would be, oh, it's hilarious. He's an old school comic who thinks his wife has to be drunk to sleep with him.

Now it feels like I'm doing a pro Cosby roofying people. Yeah, which you're not. That's not me. Stop trying to hate you. What's worse, the inappropriate joke or the endless explanations? Call in. Yeah.

And let us know. This last one comes from Robert in Canberra, Australia. Oh, it's the capital. Is it? I think so. I think it might be. Really? Yeah.

I think it's one of those curve balls. Right, because you think it's Sydney or Melbourne or one of the good places. Can you trust a guy who's been doing origami with his headphone cord for the last hour and a half and it's just it just hasn't changed shape at all uh this is uh something that he uh he oversaw wait a minute oh yeah uh this is uh as i was driving to work today, I passed an old beaten up Toyota that had written on the back in magic marker, no airbags. We die like men. And then underneath that said for sale and a phone number. So.

Oh, Australia. Yeah. Honestly, it's crazy over there. I know. You know, it's the bumper sticker capital of the world. You know that, don't you? It's the BSC of the W? They came up with ass, grass, or gas.

Nobody rides for free. I think that is my favorite bumper sticker. That is. Well, you don't like the Vans are rocking? Don't come a knocking? It's a classic. But, you know, that's my favorite variation. There's no comments on.

Feel free to get picked up by the person who has. That's totally cool. A person who's sarcastic. He doesn't actually expect. Well, maybe he does, though. He's like, hey, look. Pay for the ride.

Yeah, I put the bumper sticker there so you would know. I gave you choices. You don't have to give me ass. Ass. If you're... Did you get some ass? Did either of you guys get some ass last night?

Either one of you guys? I got gas. Yeah. I rode for free. I... But if you're picking someone up who's hitchhiking, they don't see the bumper

like when they're on... No, but you do a walk around. Everybody, they tell you to do a three point inspection sure yeah oh this is the this is the podcast it should be uh people really delving into these uh stickers i don't know if i want to ride with you after yes you know you're right your karma ran over my dogma if you don't give me a blowjob, I'm going to stab you, and I still took a ride from the guy.

Am I allowed to say blowjob? Oh, yeah. Please do. You're on bumper-stumpers. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328, like these people have. Hello, Dave Graham and possible guests. This is Adam calling in from Davis, California, with an overheard.

I was walking down the street to the train station, and I saw a kid talking on his cell phone, and I overheard him say, Dad, that's not fair, Dad. I wasn't even there when it caught fire. Yeah, that was like that when I got there. The classic. Or I showed up after it was on fire Yeah, you're right

Yeah I don't know Do kids still light things on fire? Oh yeah, no, it's big Alright It's considered a delicacy in some countries Yeah, he's cooking something Alright, here's our next phone call

Hey, Dave and Graham and possible guests. This is Sean from Harrisonburg, Virginia calling in with an overheard. I was at work today and I guess a co-worker of mine saw somebody that she hadn't seen in

a little while. And so the person was asking her like, hey, how was your Christmas? And so my co-worker said, oh Hey, how was your Christmas? And, and so my coworkers said, Oh, you know, it was good. Uh, me and my husband, we got each other the same gift. So that was a little frustrating. And the, uh, her friend replied back. Oh, really? That's funny. Would you get each other? I just heard my coworkers say back to the lady, industrial meat slicer. Oh, that's a real gift of the magic. Yeah.

I sold all my ham to buy you a meat slicer. I too sold all my ham. Oh, man. That's great. I like to be referred to as possible guest. Yeah. Well, one time we didn't have a guest And we just gave Anyone who said hi Dave Graham And guest we gave them quite the drubbing You should have

What were they thinking? I don't know they had meat slicers on the brain A meat slicer That was my porno name That's another joke instruction That always works Meat slicer was my porno name The scariest man in porn Yeah and that always works. Meat slicer was my porno name.

The scariest man in porn. Yeah. I don't even know how it works, but I'm terrified. Terrified? That's the new thing from KFC. Oh, the terrified? They just fry up some dirt?

Here is your final overheard of 2015. Oh, no. Hey, Dave, Graham, and guest, probably. I was recently in a grocery store, and there was a woman trying to get her young daughter to pick out a cereal. And she says, look over here, honey. Look at all the new flavors of Chex they have.

And her daughter runs over and goes whoa regular Delightful That is good I wasn't aware you know that was informational too because I didn't know

there were so many new Chex Yeah Now I know where you're headed right after the show The cereal aisle Cereal aisle

I also like a polka dot based cereal Oh God Do you think my sense of humor is completely gone or is it maybe not enough time here the cereal aisle. Cereal aisle. I also like a polka dot based cereal. Oh, God. Do you think my sense of humor is completely gone or is it

maybe not enough time in here? Yeah. But I'm wondering what the reference was for polka dot. Well, checks. Checks.

Yeah. These are patterns. Gingham. My favorite cereal is Chexered Past. Chexered Past. We do edit this. You're right.

You do? That one, can you promise me will come out? Because I don't want you to add more stuff about Q. Like piece together. We'll actually just put some clips of Q in. Or somehow, I'm a big fan of Cosby. You somehow get in there. And then the lightheaded thing.

Yeah. Yeah, and then it's just a remix I always think people Could you say I'm a big fan of Cosby I'm a big fan of Cosby So we get it clean Yeah

Okay how about Nothing's been proven Just these are wild lines You can use Oh So because of this Now I'm supposed to not like Because of these 30 women

I'm supposed to Right So now I can't watch Fat Albert You know I'm always to. Right, so now I can't watch Fat Albert? You know, I'm always saying people are negatively judging me. It's like one of my problems. But I actually am proud of myself that I did perceive the look you gave accurately.

What? Which one? Because from this one after the thing with the lightheaded. You were right. You gave me a little bit of like, you weren't like this, you were. But I caught the actual thing you were saying. And you caught my blank expression of not getting it. Yeah, so that makes me feel good about worrying every second of the day and perceiving all comments as negative. There you go.

Finally paid off. Andy, this brings us to the end of the podcast here. All too soon. Oh, so you only do a three hour show now? Oh, great. Great. I didn't get a chance to do my prepared bits. You sure?

You were supposed to lead me into stuff. So, um. Are you sure? That is rude. I just got shumkad. Hey, shumkatora, am I right? You non-Jew. Take right? You non-Jew. Take a walk, non-Jew.

Oh, I don't like this guy. All of a sudden I said, I really could be. What if I was that? Take a walk, non-Jew. Take a walk. Take a walk, Shumkatora. He doesn't even get the reference because it's poorly constructed. Because he wasn't bar mitzvahed.

Shimkat Torah. Oh, what's that from? I don't remember. What am I, the stats guy? Do you have anything that you want to plug? Yeah, I do have something to plug. I don't remember what it is. I don't know if anything's coming out soon.

Something. Oh, I was on this show called Sirens USA. I don't know when that's coming out. What is it? It's a fireman show. Oh, yeah. I've seen ads for it. Yeah.

And I'm on the next season of Marin. Oh, I'm a recurring character on Bob's Burg. You're very funny on Bob's Burg. Yeah, I'm the voice of Mort on Bob's Burg. Yeah. That's a great. Is that a fun show of Maud on Bob's Berg. Yeah. That's a great, is that a fun show?

Oh, it's really fun because a lot of those guys, Lauren Bouchard goes all the way back to Dr. Katz. Right. He was one of the, so it's really,

and then I think John Benjamin's the greatest. So funny. They have a great, amazing cast. Yeah. Do they record it

like all together or something? They sometimes do it just like a regular, like with a table read. Right. And then they try and get as many people

in together, but they have East Coast and West Coast, so. Okay, right. But yeah, they try. But it's fun, and you're great on it. Thank you.

Thank you. And also, I'm on Twitter. Yeah. Follow, oh yeah. Following Andy on Twitter is one of my favorite things. It's one of the things I check in every day,

see what's up. Who's fighting with who. Yeah, exactly. I love it. I'm blocked. Oh, yeah. Well, that'll happen because of your comments.

Yep. But thank you for having me in the show. It was really fun. Thanks so much for coming. It was fantastic. I'm going to bring it down. Bring it right down.

Be real. Yeah. If you like the show, go over to MaximumFun.org. Check out the blog recap of this episode. Pictures and videos relating to the content of this podcast. Oh, boy. Too much to name.

Picture of checks. Yep. The John Sebastian's glasses. Yeah. To learn more about Andy's polka dot joke. Consult your local library. Yeah. So much stuff that people,. Consult your local library. Yeah. So much stuff that people,

if they were just intelligent. Yeah. If they were just. You know what I'm saying? It's, it's so hard. Am I right? Yeah.

It's so hard to read a book. Yeah. Read a book, people. Get an encyclopedia, old people. Thanks so much for being here thank you guys it was great

and if you like the show please tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.