Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 363 - Sarah Szloboda

Episode Date: March 3, 2015

Sarah Szloboda returns to talk Meatloaf, amateur plumbing, and sleep habits.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 363 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who is never without his sex genes, Mr. Dave Shumka. Ah yeah. Hi there.

Hi there. We're recording this on Valentine's Day. Mm-hmm. And the Fifty Shades of Grey is out now. That's all anybody can talk about. It's true. They did a great job of marketing that movie

by having it be a super sex successful book. But like, there's no other movie that's like a sex film that's like out in theaters. Kingsman. Oh, yeah. That's like a sex film. That's like out. Now? Kingsman. Oh yeah. That's true.

Monument Men last year. Yeah. Every year they do a big sex movie. My Generation's Monument Men. Yeah. They do. Oh, Jupiter Rising. Yeah.

Oh yeah. Oh man. Does that look bad? What was the one that came out the week before that looked really bad? Oh, Mustache, the movie with Johnny Depp. Monsieur Unusual. Monsieur Peculiar. Yeah, the Capitaine de Belgique.

I forget what it's called. Dwan Dwan. Mortdecai. Mortdecai. Mortdecai. It's called Dwan Dwan. Mortakai. Mortakai.

Mortakai. Do you know what the name of Mila Kunis' character is in Jupiter Rising? Jupiter. Jupiter Jones. Oh, no. Oh, man. Let's introduce our guest. We've got to get into all of this.

Our guest, a very funny comedian and actress. Yeah. And now makes her home in Toronto, but back here in Vancouver, just visiting, hanging out. Mordecai. Sarah Sloboda is our guest. Hello. Hello. Hi.

Hi. How are you? Thanks for joining us. Hey, pleasure. Sorry I was late. You know what? Water under the bridge. Thank you. You. Hey, pleasure. Sorry I was late. You know what? Water under the bridge. Thank you. You were only, well, you pushed the show 20 minutes and then showed up 40 minutes after that.

But like, time is a construction. Flat circle. Absolutely. So is Valentine's Day. Yeah. Did you ruin, word on the street is you ruined Valentine's Day? That's what I've heard as well. From whom?

It's just a deep-seated fear. Do we want to get to know us? Oh, yes, absolutely. Get to know us. So are you, you, do you, are you, what are your feelings about Jupiter Jones? What are your feelings about Valentine's Day? And by the way way this is being released maybe in march yeah oh yeah beware the odds um for our listeners out there beware the eyes right

happy almost uh what is it saint patrick's day is in march and uh oh brother easter's around the corner so um are you you seeing anyone yeah i've got a boyfriend back home you got but not here not here what do you do for valentine's day is have you had a valentine's day together yet you and his boyfriend no we haven't actually i don't know it's we had a text today i was like happy valentine's day he's like oh yeah but i don't actually care but it was more that nothing because suddenly i realized how much i like there was no event then i thought i should care right and i i needed to get offline the web was just full of shiny happy people with flowers yeah i don't know how he didn't know it was valentine's day because it's unavoidable like he knew it but it was like oh that's now yeah i mean i partly

booked a flight like i booked a trip away right because he's smiling and what yeah what is he supposed to do is he supposed to send a stripper gram all the way across the country i mean i'm not gonna tell if he should fly one from toronto to vancouver i like what i like. Yeah, that's true. Now, you're out in Toronto. You're studying. Yeah, I'm doing my post-grad in PR. So I'm taking a break to do something maybe more lucrative, maybe. I don't know. Public relations.

Public relations. So, like, a pharmaceutical company spills a bunch of, you know, old chemicals into the drinking water of a whole town. Into the mouths of ducks. Yeah. And then you got to put a positive spin on it. Well, at least these ducks can get nonstop erections with their corkscrew penises. Oh, God. Those things are dangerous.

Oh, no. They're cool. They're cool, but try not to get horny. I know, right? They're dangerous for me, too. See, that's a good spin on it. I like that. Yeah.

Try not to get horny. That's it. Duck penises. So, what do you learn? What do you learn in a PR class? Well, the duck penises is my corkscrew. The corkscrew. My thesis. So what do you learn? What do you learn in a PR class? Well, the duck penis is Like a corkscrew My thesis

I'm in DPPR Duck penis public relations That's my company Spin Hello duck penis You've got duck penis So what are you learning like what is it um it's a really it's a condensed program so it's like eight different classes a term and it's all over the place so you can do if you wanted to do

government stuff you could be like a lobbyist i guess if that's your racket or yeah oh just not or investment relations which i don't really know how stocks work, so it's not my thing. Buy low, sell high. That's all you need to know. That's all. That's all. And there's strategic communications, different things like that, or entertainment ones where you create events or manage that aspect. Hey, check out Graham Clark's Unstoppable One Man Jupiter Rising.

It's going to reenact. Yeah. Trademark, trademark, trademark. And is it fun? Is it interesting? It's fun. Good people. It's like a really well-known program for that.

Okay. In that, like, it's mainly practical and you get to just get out there right after. It's not very theoretical, which is perfect for that. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Whatever. Yeah.

When are you done? When are you going to be in the PR field? May. Yeah. Yeah. And then what? You don't know. Do that?

Yeah. Do you work in Toronto? I don't know. I kind of don't really know what PR people do. I work at a music website. You have to deal with them. And I don't have to deal with them. I get on their mailing list and they send me tons and tons of pub, whatever, press releases.

Yeah, yeah. And then they try to set up interviews and I pretend I didn't get their email. Do you want to interview this person? I need to look like I'm doing something. And then also do you like,

you send out stuff, swag, right? Yeah. That's a part of. Yeah, I think depending on what you're trying to do. You know, well, say you're working

for the government. What kind of swag would you send out? Vaporizers. Cool. Whatever you're trying to get. Cool government. Yeah. of swag would you send out? Vaporizers. Cool. Whatever you're trying to get. Cool government. Yeah.

I saw a t-shirt that said vaping bad, like with the Breaking Bad logo, but it wasn't even like a pun. Yeah. It's like, that's how, you know, Frankenstein talks.

Yeah. Firebad. Vaping good. Yeah. That's true. Frankenstein would probably be actually just being back in town i've like gone on lunch with uh family members and stuff my great grandma is uh in her 80s but started is this an okay to time it just reminded me of it she started doing taking pot

but in candy form okay pain reduction so she's like baked grandma like she's always just laughing and then she opened up and said that she hates like the liberal party and baked grandma like she's always just laughing and all this stuff and then she opened up and said that she hates like the liberal party and all these like she suddenly turned into a like conservative pot grandma and then talking about how justin trudeau is so young she sent uh uh she sent a diaper to ottawa quote just to ottawa with no return address take this capital city yeah this is what i think of all of you yeah so that's my politics how did she get her heads on just she must have had to buy a package of diapers she didn't go that far she said she had a diaper i specify asked if it was used like you know where she got this diaper. She walked into an MP's office

in North Vancouver, where she lives, went in there and asked for the address where she should send the... I've got this diaper, where do I send it? Yeah. Wow! It's amazing. That's how people did things before the internet.

You had to go to the local office of the thing and ask for the address of the other thing. Right. To Ottawa. And I feel like probably if you work in an MP's office, that's what you're dealing with a lot of the thing and ask for the address of the other thing. Right. To Ottawa. And I feel like probably if you work in an MP's office, that's what you're dealing with a lot of the time is cranks.

Lots of cranks coming in and saying that. If you're a 40-something-year-old man and just get a diaper, you're running for a head office. If it gets right to his desk, I'd like to imagine it just getting put right on his desk. Another one of these came for you. Yeah, like he when's the mail gonna come today what do people have for me i've been on paternity leave for five months and it uh every day it's a highlight of my day when

the mail arrived oh yeah oh yeah let's see i don even, I don't subscribe to any magazines. I don't. You don't expect anybody to send you a diaper. Yeah, I don't. I like, I don't. We never do. Anything. Sometimes, you know, friends will send fun things. No.

That's rare. What do they send you? What do your friends send you? Oh, baby stuff. Oh, yeah. Christmas stuff and baby stuff and whatever. What's the, the. That's weird, right? You don't get mail from your friends, do you?

No. Okay. That's why I wanted to see what my life state is at. No, you're fine. You're fine. Yeah, what it could be. When she sent the diaper, did it have a letter? So you on the other end would have to interpret.

Oh, man. She's playing into his insecurities. So you on the other end would have to interpret what that meant. She's playing into his insecurities. Because he could go, oh, like this is for my child. Oh, it's grown up. Like really just chalk it up to misunderstanding. Yeah. But he knows. Or he would see it and be like, oh, somebody heard about my accident.

Or is that like the ultimate like stoner thought like he'll know what i mean it's hilarious yeah is this something your grandma would have done before pot i don't know she's changed yeah she also before even saying hello when i saw her she was like do you like just for gas just for laughs gags no hello that's just her opening Yeah So I know what she's into now Yeah Tube of music Oh you do comedy Are you into just for laughs gags

I like that little green goblin Running around Yeah Cranking everybody I don't think he's in them That's not what the show is I think he's just the spokesman Yeah

He's just at the very beginning of the show He just intros He's lost I think very beginning of the show. He just intros. He's lost. I think that's where I turned the channel down. He would be in the, when they do the Just for Laughs Montreal Music or Comedy Festival, the TV show version of it, he kind of does like, he does caper in and out of things. Yeah. And at the end he'll go, it's over.

Yeah. And there's a red one. There's a green guy and then a red guy. Are you thinking of the hostess potato chips and munchies? Always. What's the red guy's persona? I think because for a long time the festival was presented by Craven A cigarettes. Oh,

that was their color. Right. Scheme. But now it's a cool cigarette. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh,

at some point, like one of these dispensary businesses is going to get big enough that they're going to start sponsoring. Oh yeah. Stuff like that. Yeah. You know, it's going to be whatever. Vaping bad.

Yeah. Vaping bad presents the, you know. I can't think of the. I'm trying to think of like the classiest ballet in the world. Can't. Oh, yes. Swan Lake. No, but like a ballet company. Oh, yeah.

Kalashnikov. Is that a kind of right? Yeah. Bolshoi, right? Bol right yeah the bolshoi right bolshoi yeah absolutely oh man brought you by

vaping bad just a pun t-shirt company it doesn't even have anything to do with it it's just like well pun t-shirts

have taken off since vaping now is vaping is it only we talk about this every five episodes because we can't figure out whether it is pot pot or e-cigarette vaping and because the the two terms kind of came about at the same time maybe there it's one word that means two things and we're just it's a similar

instrument you just can put pot in it oh it's like a like liquefied instead of it being yeah it just means like you don't light the it's like non-carcinogenic or whatever but then there's also these things that are shaped like a volcano volcano and then you put a giant balloon on them and i mean if you want the silliest way to smoke pot and it's like neck and neck between giant balloon and giant crazy bong like they're both hilarious i had a uh yoda head like the star wars the the the newer ones came out oh brother oh god 7-eleven had a a line of slurpy cups that were like yoda heads yeah yeah yeah and i remember we bought one and turned it into a bong and people would come over to smoke out of it because you'd kind of grip his head and just you'd have to smoke out of his lips so you modified it yeah because you

wouldn't want your big gold coming out of there but you so you would have to like like softly kiss yoda on the on the lips that is like classics donors stoners. Let's come over. You gotta you gotta kiss Yoda. An adult woman. Yeah. Me. Yeah.

I remember they used to make those like honey bear honey containers. Yeah. They used to make like makeshift bongs out of those. That makes sense. Yeah, that used to be like stat.

Before bong culture became like a, you know, where you could go to every convenience store and they would have like a selection of bongs. You could like make your own. Do they have them at like 7-Eleven? You know the convenience store just around the corner from here, like over in the strip mall? Yeah. They have bongs galore. Oh. Bongs and pipes.

You're not talking about bongs galore, are you? Oh, yeah. That's not a convenience store. Because it's, they have certain things behind the counter at every convenience store. It's cigarettes. Yeah. And it's condoms. It's.

Sometimes hats with funny slogans. Lottery tickets. Yep. And the lottery ticket and cigarette people don't mind wasting everybody's time. No. They need to get their specific thing that they want. They're unaware of the line forming behind them.

That's true. I've never seen anyone ask for like, no, not that condom, the other one. Right. I've never seen anyone even. No, no, the smaller one. Smaller still. Yeah, I'd make. The other one. Right. I've never seen anyone even. No, no. The smaller one. Smallest. Smaller still.

Yeah. I'd make a scene about it. Yeah. Are these really the smallest condoms you have? Trust me. Do you have like a room where I can try one on? Oh, I guess. No, porno magazines aren't even.

They're in the magazine section. Uh, yeah. Well, yeah, it used to be that they would have those behind the counter. Oh boy, that was an embarrassing trip. Nah, give me them jugs. That's how I talk. Uh, swank. There's a convenience store by my house that locks up the cheese and razor blades after a certain hour.

Yeah, razor blades is a big one. Just dense, high price. Yeah. certain hour. Yeah, razor blades is a big one. Dense, high price. Yeah. For materials. Yeah, razor blades. Oh, cheese. I guess people do. Do you get cheese at convenience stores?

No, because it's locked up. Yeah. What, is it just like cheddar? Or is it like slices? No, they're trying to sell it as a kit. Oh, razor blades and cheese? Yeah, like get it razor thin with slices. Self-soothing.

Yeah. Because when you're buying one, you kind of think, oh, yeah, I guess I could get the other one up here. Yeah. Yeah, batteries was also a thing at convenience stores and supermarkets. But yeah. And then sometimes there's like some object that I'm like, oh, people steal those. But I guess people steal anything. The worst is now that like grocery stores, the cigarettes are in one place.

And so if someone wants cigarettes, they'll hold up the whole line and send their, the cashier over like five aisles away to go get them for them. It's a weird thing to be grocery shopping and then also buying cigarettes. What are other things that I do? What are my staples? Is it on the list? Oh, it's the only thing on the list. Why don't I go

to a place that just sells these? Just one single diaper and a pack of Kool's. Do Kool's even exist in Canada? I know most of my cigarettes brands from magazine ads growing up. Yeah, what were the essential, like the lady with the huge... Virginia Slims. With the huge...

Filter. What did you think I was... No, I don't know. I forgot what you're talking about cigarettes. I've been vaping Oh god I just remember Growing up thinking

Like Joe Camel Was the coolest guy Totally Yeah Marlboro Man too Oh yeah Yeah I liked Harley Davidson

More than Marlboro Man Oh I remember that movie Don Johnson and Mickey Rourke Is that right Oof What was the one with i bet you there was a lot of weird the one with um sylvester stallone and kurt russell tango and cash which one of them was hooch uh dom hanks playing against type oh yeah yeah for the longest time i thought mickey

rourke was mickey rooney yeah me too like too. It takes me a second after someone says one of their names to be like, yeah, you're probably talking about the Rattler. I heard about a boxing match recently, and I thought it was Mickey Rooney. Mickey Rooney's getting into boxing. Yeah, Mickey Rooney, raised from the dead. He's alive? No. Oh, here we go.

There's layers to this confusion. But he's died in the last couple of years. Yes, okay. Yeah, his last movie was Night at the Museum, one of the Night at the Museums, which means that he was in a huge blockbuster movie in every decade he was alive. What were the ones in the, like, 90s and 80s?

I don't know, Cocoon, probably. We were talking about Cocoon before the show. Yeah. In the 40 minutes we were waiting for you to show up. And we were talking about how all the old people. Have you seen Cocoon? Yeah. Probably came out before you were born.

1985. 86 here. Oh, well, there you have it. All the old people in it. Hume Cronin, Jessica Tandy, and the like. All your favorites. They're all dead now, except Wilford Brimley. Right. Who? The Diabetes Man, which is my last episode

here, I think. Really? Really about Wilford Brimley? Because I kept, I was like the Diabetes Man, and I couldn't remember. My parents used to threaten me with the Diabetes man at any time. If you didn't finish your sugar. Diabetes man's going to come and leave you with your foot. But yeah, Wilford Brimley playing an elderly man in that movie was 50.

Wow. And is 80 now. And looks the same. Yeah. Looks great. And what is Cocoon? And it looks the same. Yeah. It looks great. And what is Cocoon, the story? I don't really remember. It's like the husband and wife, right?

They come down. You said husband and wife. You said aliens. But, like, both happen, right? Like, doesn't something visit them? Yeah, it said, like, aliens take them up on a ship. And Steve Guttenberg is there. Oh, yeah.

Terrifying. And Ron Howard directed it. But they're on it, they go on an alien voyage and then they come back and they're young again or something?

Or they dance to rock and roll music? I think they come back, they start vaping, they send a diaper to a politician. Steve Guttenberg is still there.

I also confused Platoon and cocoon for a while yeah that's pretty good i have a bad habit of that actually it just reminds me like when i first started talking to my boyfriend i was you know you try to find similar reference points and he was talking about music and loving lead belly and i remember saying when does he get out of prison and he's like he's he's been dead for a very long time i was like i thought but like when did he record that kid rock song i realized i've confused him with uncle cracker who was led by like an old blue sky the murder uncle cracker which then led us to google that an uncle cracker never killed i was wondering where this was coming from he was kid rock's dj yeah and he covered a 70s song so who were you thinking

i just murdered somebody i think i just thought Uncle Cracker killed a guy. Oh, wow. And then confused him. On Kid Rock's behalf. You never know. Wow. That's great. That is great. Yeah. Keep that.

Keep it sharp. Yeah. Always keep it sharp. When you're hanging with your boyfriend, are you listening to like, unlistenable old blues music?

He's gay. I would say a music historian, I guess, as far as like, knowing things. I don't keep, I don't keep a lot of that in the brain yeah but he likes that stuff i can't remember why it came up but it quickly derailed what uh what kind of what is your musical arena what do you listen to what what is your musical historian who could you talk about at length man i well i guess like not the 90s is kind of where like especially sort of alt lady stuff so like i love whole yeah um like you lived through that

lived through it exactly here we go i'm just stuck with that um but i i feel like everybody loves the decade they're kind of from or like the one where they listen to the most music. Like I listen to so much music in high school. Wait, is your boyfriend 70 years old? Yeah. He's very wealthy. Yeah, that's probably true. But I don't know that I listen.

I didn't really listen to music when I was a little like when I was a kid. Yeah, no. But did I listen? And you're the oldest sibling, so you didn't have older siblings listening to music. That's true. So I kind of didn't know. I only knew Paul Simon. That's all I knew growing up.

Huh. And then, yeah, but I feel like I started really listening to a lot of music when I was like 20 or something. What was your first concert? Ooh. Mine was like 20 or something. What was your first concert? Oh. Mine was Peter Gabriel. Whoa. The Between Two Worlds Tour. The like Jump in the Water or whatever.

That album. Yeah. Was the album. Wow. I probably when I was a little kid, I think I went and saw the Beach Boys. Whoa. Yeah. Meatloaf.

Really? Bad Outta Hell, I guess? went and saw the Beach Boys. Whoa. Yeah. Meatloaf. Really? Yeah. Bad out of hell, I guess? Two? And then two. No, not one. Just two. Just two. Because he came twice. Encore! I sent you this strip of Graham. It's meatloaf. Present day meatloaf.

How was it? Did he do anything for love? Most of it. He did most anything for love. Yeah, I was around five. I think five, actually. And I went because my grandma was a huge fan. Listen to always playing the tape in her car and stuff like that.

And then, so I knew all the words cause you're a kid and just sponged it up and loved him. And then, so she took me to the concert at BC place. And I remember. BC place? BC place. Wow. And everybody was so confused cause there's like this five-year-old girl just knowing all the song lyrics and stuff.

But I remember being so shocked because he swore all the time like so heavily like if somebody wasn't singing along he just can't yeah he can't be bc place it was bc place he was that album stadium he was not an arena i can't remember if they divided any of it but yeah but how could you tell in a football stadium who's not singing along? No, it was like right in the front. He grabbed a guy by his collar. Really? Yes. Wow. I've only seen two concerts there. One was Paul McCartney

a couple years ago. And the first one I saw there was the Rolling Stones in like 1995 with the Spin Doctors opening. Whoa. Weird. Spin Doctors.. Whoa. Weird. Spin Doctors. Was that Voodoo Lounge? Yeah, my brother had seen the same tour

at like Giant Stadium in New York with the Counting Crows opening. And he was like, sucker, you got to see the Spin Doctors. I got to see the Counting Crows. It must have been very cool to be in the Spin Doctors for like that time. Oh, yeah. You know?

Yeah. Like they were on the cover of Rolling Stone. Uh-huh. They only had like one hit, maybe two hits. On that first album? I mean, just total. Didn't they just have one? They had Two Princes.

They had Little Miss Can't Be Wrong. Oh, yeah. They had Wilson's Blues. And to a lesser extent, what time is it? Oh, 4.30. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, in public relations school, do you talk a lot about the spin doctors?

It came up, but I don't think they knew why. I don't think they knew why it was funny. They kept calling themselves spin doctors because they considered it a bad word to say spin. Oh, really? Yeah. That implies some sort of manipulation of the truth oh so like spin is not you don't you don't i guess i don't think it's a big deal that's why they have a no spin zone yeah on some show yeah bill o'reilly maybe um i think it's mickey ro yeah, that's right. Which one boxed a Russian homeless guy? That's the story.

And I was like, Mickey Rooney, is he okay? Mickey Rooney, don't hurt your fists. You're a very old man. Yeah, he was like, at one point, he was like one of the top five movie stars in the world. You hear me? The world. Data Carvey, right? Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, God. So good. And anything else new and exciting? No. Nothing? Come on. You moved a whole city.

I moved. Yeah. Well, it's different. The temperature is really cold there right now. Colder than Mars? Yeah, colder than Mars. Have you found anything, like, have you found a neighborhood that you like? We currently live in the village, so, like, lots of really cool old gay bars and, like, really historical ones like these.

The gay bar that Benedict Arnold went to. Yeah, really. What's historical about them i guess they've just been open for a long time and they're like fixtures or landmarks or like you know that people not only from toronto respect the what happened there uncle cracker etc oh god but it's a hard city to figure out just because it's so big. Yeah. And every neighborhood's like a different city. Yeah. Yeah. And it just, it does.

It just kind of goes on and on and on. Although I went there, I've been there like three, four times. Yeah. Like people were like, oh yeah, you got to take a train there or a bus from this part of town. And it's very fast to move around because it's so flat. Yeah. And it's. And you can rent a bike.

Yeah. And you can hop on a streetcar. It's very classy. Totally. Way to get around and. It's very slow. What? The streetcar?

Yeah. It's no slower than a bus. It's comparable to walking. Well, that's true, but it's indoors. Yes. Gotcha there. True. Does the cold get you down or are you all right with it?

It's okay. Like everybody that has bought me a gift recently for, you know, birthday or Christmas. When was your birthday? September. Oh, happy birthday. When I just moved there. And then Christmas, it was all revolved around like keep it like warm things. Because I, even in Vancouver, I never really wore.

Like a pack of hot dogs. Yeah. I never, we got things that you should warm. A hot shot. Yeah. This is a shot of heroin with some kind of poison in it. Something to kill you.

That's from my grandma. Oh, she's real. Wow. It really is a gateway drug. But yeah, just people do give me gifts that were like either boots or a scarf or a coat. It's fun to wear winter clothes.

It is. This winter has been unbearable here because it's been so warm. But after being in Toronto for two weeks, it's fun to wear winter clothes for like three days. And then on the fourth day, you're like, get it off of me. Because you go to a bar and you have nowhere to put it. Your giant jacket. Yeah, I'll give you somewhere to put it. Out in the snow bank. You there, Meatloaf.

That's weird. Everything about Meatloaf's career is bizarre. Like that he was a famous musician, that he was in Rocky Horror Picture Show. Yeah. That he had some kind of career as an actor. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Fight Club.

Yeah. He was good in that. He had boobs. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's nice. That was nice. That was a nice change of pace.

He struck a blow for boobs. And then. Nobody cares until a man has them. I don't know. Yeah, right? Yeah. People miss the point of that movie. But what, how did, does anybody know how he got the name Meatloaf?

Or was it just like. I think it was his like teenage nickname or something like that. It was like, it was just something as simple as that. Yeah. Just a kid nickname. Yeah. But then like, he didn't think like, being a 50 year old man still being called Meatloaf. Well, Sting is, I mean, like Sting.

Yes. well sting is i mean like sting yeah got his nickname he apparently he wore a yellow and black striped shirt once and everybody called me sting you gave yourself that cool nickname everyone called you bumblebee man but meatloaf probably smelled like meatloaf yeah for sure but it's weird it's just a weird because like now he can't go like okay don't call me meatloaf anymore call me whatever my name is rick meat it's something a day is his last name oh really a-d-a-y yeah berry a day but everyone just calls him meatloaf a day, which sounds like the world's worst calendar. That's really good. Yeah.

Would you still go see a meatloaf concert if he came back? Yeah, well, I went with my grandma, right, five, and then he came back the second time, like the only next time he'd come to Vancouver, 14 years later. Just come. Brought my grandma again. 14 years later, the next time he was there.

And it was, I don't know what album it was like. I don't even remember actually listening to it. Milo's Greatest Dance. He goes on tour. I think there was a Battle of the Hell 3. Yeah, there definitely was. That was it then. It was sort of, but it was more like i bought the

tickets because it was like let's go to this show like old time's sake it was terrible his where was that that was like pacific calcium okay yeah yeah in a hotel bar yeah it was not full no well what are his hits i would do anything for love paradise by the dashboard light two out of three ain't bad is that him yeah two out of three ain't bad and then the song that he sings in rocky horror was uh he had one in the 90s that was like yeah something like that yeah he had one in uh the 90s that was the same one that uh celine dion did they both did the same song oh it's all coming back to me now yeah that's right uh do you know the video for uh coming again for i would do anything for love but i won't do that it was directed by michael bay no yeah and he's uh it's

a beauty and the beast he's a beast in it it. Oh, I thought he was the beauty. I missed that. But then. Oh, yeah. Then when the spell breaks, he still looks like Meatloaf. That's a disappointment. So you go through all that and you're like, oh, the spell's broken. Oh, no, he's Meatloaf. That's what ladies should never take on a project.

Yeah, right? There's a lesson. Yeah. It's true. It's, and then she on a project. Yeah, right? There's a lesson. Yeah. It's true. And then she was a, was she a famous model that was in that video with him? Was the woman in the video the one who sang the song? I thought it was. Was it not?

Oh, maybe. Oh, that's right. I assumed. Because he had like a babe touring with him and always singing those parts. I think it was her. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. And then, yeah, isn't it?

Will you hose me down with holy water? If I get too hot. Gross. Yeah, and then you have a picture in your head of somebody hosing down meatloaf. No, that's her. That still does something for me. Yeah. Yeah.

Some sort of gravy hose hose well yeah yeah i could do that him in a kiddie pool that's what i picture him sitting in a kiddie pool and somebody hosting him down but it's not even that hot it's just hot to him he's like when's the last time you ate a meatloaf oh like i've had a vegetarian version Okay It's basically the same Like I defy anybody to tell the difference Yeah it's not like meatloaf is some great shakes Exactly

Because my mom I think a couple weeks ago She was like I forgot to bring I had a frozen meatloaf I was going to bring over And I was like don't worry about it Yeah I feel like I've never not eaten a meatloaf when I was served it But I've never like It's weird When you see it

On a menu at a restaurant Yeah Yeah And it's also something That like I assume people made Because they had something That was about to

Spoil Go off And so Does making it stop it From spoiling quickly Well eating it Does I guess you just eat it then

Yeah But like instead of Like to freeze it Like if you were It was just. Yeah. To freeze it. If it was just about to go bad, then it's just permanently okay. I'm confused about that too. If something... Yeah, because I... I don't know, because yeah, if it was about to

spoil and then you froze it, and then you thawed it in that thawing time, it may spoil. Right? Oh, yeah. Can you cook it and freeze it at the same time? Is there any way to cook this with cold? Maybe if it's a ceviche. Meatloaf ceviche.

Yes. Thank you. Now we're talking. Yeah. Now we're getting some good eats. Yeah, it's weird. I've never made a meatloaf ever. But it seems like something I should be able to know how to do.

What is it? Bread? Yeah. Meat? I think every family's got a different recipe. Chop some sort of veg, usually. Yeah. Maybe onions.

And then you just mix it with your hands, right? For some reason, I picture people mixing meatloaf with their hands. Yeah. Sloppy Joseph's. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Sloppy Joe. That's something I would order off a menu if I saw it.

I never see those. No. Well, there's probably a lot of cool restaurants in Toronto. There's probably a restaurant that just sells Sloppy Joe. Absolutely. Yeah. With a wink. Yeah.

Yeah. It's Sloppy Josephine and it's the logo is just this woman who's a mess. We were talking about it too. The idea, because there's a, we went to about it too the idea because there's a we went to a restaurant that had a that turntable and it was a lazy susan and just the what the originator of that was yeah yeah making fun of your wife susan yeah just give her a spin it's fine send me the soy sauce just Just limited arm mobility or something where she couldn't quite pass it. I don't know. Yeah.

She had tiny little arms. Yeah. And then he kept accusing her of being lazy. That's why they broke up. Or a dumb waiter. Which is a thing like you pull on a cord and the food can or whatever can come up and down from different levels in a building.

Which is like. Yeah, it's a waiter who won't talk back. Yeah. And like in Britain, you know, like, like we call them speed bumps. In Britain, they call them, the nickname of them is a sleeping policeman. Oh. Because they slow down the car, but it's just like, I don't know. But like, was the first guy who was sleeping and stopped a car?

Slowly. Oh, yeah. The car slowly drove him. He died, but. Yeah, but that cop still slowed him down. He's commemorated now. In every speed bump, there's a dead policeman. They just pour.

I didn't know. Balloonie in the hockey rink. Yeah. Good luck. Yeah. Is that in every hockey Balloony in the hockey rink. Yeah. Good luck. Is that in every hockey rink or every Olympic hockey rink? Just the one, I think. Hard to say. Just the one time.

Wayne Gretzky? Did he put it there? That's the legend, isn't it? I don't know. It wasn't in Canada. It was in Salt Lake City. Yeah. I thought it was the legend.

It was in Vancouver, too. But then they made them take it out. Really? Why? Because it was fucking with the ice? No, because they were like, hey, it's not fair. You can't just put your country's money in under the ice. Put a yen in there. Yeah, everybody put their... Put a yen in there? Canada versus Japan in the hockey finals?

Well. Yeah, why not? There's just one bump in the middle of it where all the coins have fucked up the ice we had to put in one coin from every country and some countries don't have coins so we had to put a bill in there and now it's soft it's soaking up water and uh uh again i couldn't name that many currencies i had to but a bot yeah is that vietnam no vietnam is dong that's uh thailand oh yeah that's right uh dollars australia yeah lira oh wait those don't exist anymore euro what what's uh the like brazilian um brazil nuts i do not know but this is not this is not good conversation

no but it's something that every everybody should know at least five currencies yeah in case there's a jeopardy category on it rubles surely that's still oh yeah it's plummeting uh pounds sterling Oh, see You know five Oh, yeah You're fine Thanks, pesos I don't know about Sarah Sheckles Oh, yeah, sheckles

Yeah Sheckles is a real Is that Israeli Yeah Yeah That's a real thing Sounds racist, though

Sheckle Call me sheckles Call me sheckles That's not a thing Is it? Is it? Is it in the PR world? Yeah Call me Sheckles. Call me Sheckles. That's not a thing. Is it? Is it? Is it in the PR world? Yeah.

Call me Sheckles. Don't call me. I'll call you Sheckles. So will you work at a PR firm? Is that how it works? Or will you go independent? Will it be fast-paced? Fast-paced, hard-hitting.

I'm going to wear a blazer maybe. Will you have to decide between having a family and having a career? I can have it all. But the balance is going to be hilarious. I'm really excited for these blazers. Reality show.

What kind of blazer are we talking here? Are we talking power suits? Power suit. Pantsuit. Have you ever worn a pantsuit? Your birthday's not until September though. That's the next thing. I've got a parka. Now I have to ever worn a pantsuit? Your birthday's not until September though Yeah That's the next thing And I've got a parka Now I have to ask for a pantsuit

Yeah, yeah Yeah Oh man Yeah, that's the one thing Have you ever worn a pantsuit? I have worn a pantsuit So what's the difference between a pantsuit and just a suit? Oh, a skirt suit is the other option for a woman

Yeah, I think the implication is because you could wear a skirt Okay Like you could wear a skirt But like you don't have to probably say pantsuit. Yeah. And just say kilt suit. Kilt suit. Yeah. And it's implied because I work at the Scottish PR firm.

Yeah. McGilvery's. I don't know. Sure. Dave, what's going on with you, man? Guys, what is going on with you man Guys what is going on with me Well it's funny on the show Things seem to happen to the same

The same thing happens to both of us Like I had mice problems Then you had mice problems And rat I hope I don't But Only like bad things happen at both of those. Yeah.

And a couple of weeks on the show, you were talking about how you had to unclog a drain. Oof. Yeah. Oof. Moreau. And you had to go, your one drain snake didn't work.

So you had to buy a secondary drain snake. Yeah. Which I still have if you need it. I don't think I do. Uh, but last Saturday, uh, we, we have a sink, uh, upstairs and, uh, it's got a, a garburator. Oh yeah. It's what we call it in Canada.

A garbage disposal is what I've heard. Although when you look online, they call them garbage disposers. Yeah. Garburators. The more fun thing to say. Totally. Yeah. Garburator.

Why is the U in there? Garburator. And then there's a. That's a classy thing. Is that your McGilvery's? Yeah. Garburator. Honey, could you please put the celery.

The sleeping policeman. So we've got this two-chambered sink in the kitchen. Yeah, must be nice, right? Yeah. And I was saying, anytime it gets clogged, I just take a plunger and I just plunge my way through. Yeah. And that wasn't working last weekend. Uh-oh.

And it turns out if you plunge it too much, it just ends up in the dishwasher. Oh, no. You just rerouted us. Yeah. So, after that didn't work for a while, I looked online and Drano apparently is safe to use with a garburator, which I assumed it wasn't. So I sent Abby out and she got some Drano. She just got her driver's license. She loves running errands. Yeah. Pick me up some Drano, a pack of smokes. And so we poured that down and nothing.

Uh oh. And then the house sort of smelled like Drano all night. Yeah. Which was bad. And then at house sort of smelled like Drano all night, which was bad. And then at four in the morning, I woke up and I'm like, oh, these Drano fumes are going to kill my baby. Oh, yeah. So at four in the morning, I took a ladle and started just ladling out water from the sink, pouring it down the bathtub. Like one ladle at a time no I would put it in a in a big like salad bowl and a soup to read yeah

one for you one for me I would crumble up crackers and Drano yeah oh wow and so the sink was all backed up and then sticking of Drano and I looked it up

And it's not harmful What Drano? Unless you mix it with ammonia And then what? Then it becomes a bomb? No then it just becomes poison gas Oh Jesus yeah So don't do that

So for 45 minutes I was emptying out And then I had a plan Like alright When the morning time comes I will You know Get down And do some plumbing

Yeah yeah But I couldn't get back to sleep Because I was like I was so charged up So I just waited For Abby to wake up And then I was like Okay I'm gonna do this plumbing because

we have a guy the contractor guy that i can call for things like this but i don't there's a language barrier and i also like i know what's in there it's just like yeah food food stuff yeah yeah i want another man to like just show me me like, this is what it was. Don't put this down anymore. Will do. Especially if it was something really embarrassing, like six Oreos right in a row. And you're like, oh no. Yeah.

I was, I was felt shame. So I decided just to put them down whole. And so I went, I've never done this before. I, I took a pan. Yeah. Uh, to catch the excess water and I like unscrewed all of the. Took out the U pipe. The outgoing pipes.

Yeah. And, uh, all the water rushed out and then I had to remember, okay, don't take this water that I've collected in the pan and pour it right down. Yeah. Use it right down. Yeah. Use it to kill your garden. Yeah. All this Drano water. Uh, and then I, uh, yeah, so I opened it up and I stuck my finger in and I started like pulling out stuff.

It wasn't, it wasn't as gross as I thought it would be. It was all pretty fresh. Yeah. Looked like a shepherd's pie. Ooh. Just like. Meatloaf's fancier cousin. Yeah, exactly.

Basically looked like potato skins and, you know, carrot stuff. Yeah. So, you know, like, it's not like there was some weird, you know, Barbie doll head or something like that. No, it was just. There will be someday. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

When my daughter becomes a murderer. No, but you know. Show signs of, of, uh, psychopathia. Well, like when I found out that, you know, the garbage disposal could like crush things up. Like I started throwing things in there, you know, pencils and whatnot. Stuff that you're not supposed to. Yeah.

It's, it's loud as it is. Yeah. When you know, pencils and whatnot. Stuff that you're not supposed to. Yeah. It's loud as it is. Yeah. So when you put like. So satisfying. When a spoon drops down there, you wonder if the house is going to fall over. But I haven't had, like, I never have had one since. Oh man. I got to tell you.

It's the best. What's the, like, what's the true, like, because you could put something in the garbage or the compost. So why do you do that? Because the garbage, legally, legally now in Vancouver, you can't put any food in the garbage. What? They only pick up your garbage every two weeks now, and they pick up your compost every one week. And if you're my house, they pick it up whenever the fuck they feel like it. Because they, like, put out out your stuff and then it'll still

be sitting there the next day so uh but in terms of the compost uh that's gross uh you're just gonna have food sitting around attracting rats uh yeah like great do you have a toilet rat uh no not a toilet rat we heard about was that at your place? Yeah, my former home. Yeah. Nicole Passmore told us about the toilet rat. So scary. So scary. TR. Yeah. No, we just have regular rats that have burrowed their way into our house.

Yeah. It's small blessings. Yeah. Right? So, yeah. And then I actually need to double check on that. Because I reattached everything. And everything drained out fine.

And then I had to fix the dishwasher, which was broken because it was full of shepherds butt. Yeah, basically. And, yeah. So, I guess I learned a lesson. Oh, and then once everything was reattached, I just put all that water back together. It was fine. The water wasn't the problem. Yeah.

It's fun. It's fun to be able to fix a thing. Oh, I was really charged up afterwards. Yeah. And you're like, what else? What else can can i take look how proud i am of myself yeah it's funny it's like do you think that people that do that for a living that they get that sense of satisfaction all the time or are they just like yeah same old yeah i think it gets old. Yeah. Like, it's fun to do once a year, something yourself, and be like, yeah, that was good. That felt good. Yeah, no, it probably gets old.

Like, I was saying with Abby, got her license two months ago. Yeah. Loves driving to do the most menial tasks. Like, it does get old. Although it is pretty cool to be able to drive. Yeah, that is true yeah driving is kind of it's cool like you get in this big machine i went right at 16 my birthday i just went and went to the dmv or whatever the icbc you were excited to get your so excited no i wasn't

i was forced into it yeah much much the same as i was forced into all sorts of manner of things, learning to swim, learning to ski, all these things I did not want to do. Right. But now that I know how to do them, I'm like, whew. Yeah, I had to take ski lessons too. And it's like learning to swim is great because that could save your life. Learning to ski is like. Well, if an avalanche is coming and you're really good at it, maybe you can beat the avalanche. What are you doing on that mountain?

Predicting a lifestyle for you. Yeah. Having chalet friends. Like, hey, you seem like you're going to wear a lot of turtlenecks. Why don't you take ski lessons? It was one of these things, too, where it was, I think my parents were like, this is not something you're going to want to learn when you're an adult. Yeah. It's better to learn it while everybody is learning. Because once you become an adult,

you just won't do it ever. You have so much time as a kid too. You're spongy. That's all you have. You're doing nothing. Now's the time. But then, I don't know. I figured once I was like,

okay, I don't know how to do like once I was like, okay, okay. I don't know how to do all the fancy strokes, but I know how to not drown. Can we just call it a draw? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I'm good enough to not drown. So, but then I still had to keep going. Like I still had to get colored badges. There's like medallions and stuff too.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I got up to. Gold stuff. Silver or white or something. Cool. The last one

before you started getting medallions which meant that you could be a lifeguard I think if you got your gold medallion. Being a lifeguard seems like a pretty

easy gig because like on average how many people almost drown? Like none. Like five a day but that's No but at a pool like you're at a pool like how many people almost drown like none like five a day but that's no but at a pool like you're at a pool like how many people are drowning none everybody's

as a kid swimming at the pool it was like the life you hear that whistle you know you're in trouble oh yeah you tell a lot of kids not to run around first crushes oh first crushes like from a few of us at my elementary school was like the lifeguard at the local community pool yeah just this sort of not even hot probably awkward like 17 year old but everybody went swimming a little more than they needed to yeah you could see up the shorts yeah from that high chair it was all about that dick for like all of us 11 year olds absolutely yeah i think there was i feel like there was there was a lady lifeguard at the community pool that a lot of guys did maybe a couple extra laps for. And I mean, young boys have zero to offer anybody.

That's not true. They all look like E.T. With their long necks and their blonde wigs. With their long necks and their blonde wigs. It's always like when I hear the stories about a school teacher that has sex with a 17-year-old student. I was like, I didn't know any 17-year-old guy that would have been smooth enough to pull off a caper like that. That's a woman who is like, she needs a lot of foreplay yeah because that's what 17 year olds are in she's like i like two hours of foreplay got it seven seconds exactly

you know your market yeah that's true show your know your market. You learned that at PR school. That's one of the classes. What's going on with you? Oh, I've done a very dumb thing three times in a row this week where I'm not a good sleeper. I don't sleep well in general. Maybe your parents should have put you in sleeping lessons. Oh, brother. That would have been the best.

But three times this week, I did the exact same thing. I never learned. I watched a really, not a scary movie, but like a creepy movie. What movies? The first movie I watched was a movie called Cropsey. Oh, the documentary one? movie called cropsy which uh documentary documentary about an urban legend about like a guy that lives in the woods and like kills children and then it turned out like it was actually true like there was actually a guy in the woods that killed children okay and uh so i was

and then i turned it off and i was like and then like i fell. But each time I would wake up like, I'm dying. And then the next night I watched We Need to Talk About Kevin. Who's that? What is the very strange looking actress? Oh, yeah. David Bowie. Tilda Swinton. Tilda Swinton.

Who I thought of immediately, too. Yeah. That's it. She has a... It's kind of like Rosemary's Baby. She has a kid who's bad from the get. Bad to the bone. Bad to the bone.

From the day he was born. The nurses all gathered around. Anyways, I didn't think it was going to be spooky, but it's so spooky. She is just a spooky. She's spooktacular. Yeah, she's a spooky presence to be watching for an hour and a half. Yeah. And when she's spooked, you're like, ooh, what spooks the spookiest lady?

You know? Yeah, what? Never mind. I couldn't remember. what platoons the buffoon movie what cocoons the platoon not that it would have made sense and then the other one i watched was uh a movie Quentin Tarantino said was his favorite movie of 2013, which was a movie called Big Bad Wolves. Okay. So these are all just movies on Netflix because I went under thrillers. Yeah. And then crime thrillers.

But I was looking for like, you know, like Drive or something like that. Yeah, you wanted Mordecai. Mordecai's kind of a crime thriller. But yeah, then that one was really, it was pretty good. It was funny, but it was also super spooky. Like it was like lefty kind of feeling. Yeah, the thing about going to sleep is you don't want to be thrilled into sleep. That's true.

When you think about thrillers. Yeah, you want to be lulled. Yeah. Yeah. They're not thrill-a-bys. But I feel like if I watch a movie that kind of

doesn't have that level of engagement, I'll just start checking Facebook and then I'm just on the internet for two hours and then I totally

don't want to sleep because all the good stuff is happening at night. Oh, yeah, sure. People are live tweeting the weather network a murder um what's your sarah what's your nighttime regiment you put on cold cream are you are you a good sleeper uh lately not really because of the the, I like, I've just, I've waken, I've been waking myself up kind of early and then, but I've been kind of refreshed.

It's just, I can't sleep in. That sounds like, that sounds good. Yeah, it's okay. No, that's exactly what you want. You want to wake up early feeling refreshed. Yeah. That's good sleep. It's good.

I mean, we have a sublet right now cause not wanting to buy furniture until we figured out the neighborhood we were going to land in. Okay. And then the bed is just really uncomfortable. So why don't you guys buy a bed? I know, but then we have to do something with the bed in there. Just stack another bed on top of the bed. Yeah. I've done that before.

That's a good idea. Yeah. Have you? Yeah. Because I. Don't do that. I was joking. No, no.

It works out fine. Cause at one point I still had like a, like when I was first lifted, I had a futon, but then I got a bed and I had that same thing. I was like, I don't know where to get rid of the futon. So I just put the bed on top. It would be great if you had like a king size bed on top of a twin futon.

Just sagging over the edges. So stubborn. No, it fits. It's fine. So your usual nighttime is I watch a scary movie and then try to scare myself to sleep? I try, yeah. What was it before these three movies?

Oh, I don't know. Like, I'll just try and, you know, because what will happen is I'll come home from a show and I don't want to sleep. My head's like all whatever. Daffy. Have you ever done, cause you, you are a chronic insomniac. Uh, have you ever just set a time every morning where you wake up at the same time?

Yeah. It doesn't work. Cause my brain is like, guess what? You don't have anywhere to be. Turn alarm off it knows yeah no i can't fool myself that way like you know people like make themselves exercise every day or they're like as a joke yeah as a trick that green goblin yeah exactly but yeah there's people that can do that. But I don't know how they trick their own brain into believing. Because it's the same brain that's telling them to do a thing that can also say, nah, what does this guy know?

He's the same guy I am. I'm not listening to him. Super, like, before the baby, I would wake up every morning at 630. Yeah. No alarm. alarm no with an alarm oh with an alarm okay weekday or weekend okay uh and then like the dog gets up at 6 30 i let him out and then i just stay up uh and now and then with the baby it's sort of like i'll sleep sleep as much as i could sleep yeah and then would sleep into like 9 30 yeah and now i'm back to 6 30 it's great oh yeah because i i'm so tired at like 11 that i sleep oh no oh yeah you gotta tuck yourself out yeah i don't yeah like i say like i can't a lot of the things that they say like are good sleep hygiene is what they call it.

Oh, yeah. I can just, I can really think my way around it. You know, because they're like, don't eat before you go to bed. It's like, but that's when I want to eat. Just the most blasé nutritionist. You're just rolling your ass. Don't eat. Yeah.

Well, exactly. Like, I'm like, why am I even here? I don't want your advice. Do you put your hair in curlers before you go to bed I usually I put them in curlers before I go to a show

I use I use cans uh old timey yeah and then uh then I just put like uh I think it's a bag

and it has a vacuum cleaner hose and I plug it into the is that what those are for yeah and then I just suck into the back. Is that what those are for? Yeah. And then I just suck all the hair off. The Flobie.

The Flobie, that's what it was called. Yeah, I put on my Flobie. Set it to high and then I go to bed. There is something with like a shower cap with a hose on it. But it can't be. It doesn't remove your hair. And also you're not sleeping with it, right? I guess not.

You don't have a vacuum running eight hours overnight. A hair removing vacuum. Then you wake up bald. You hear that? Wow. Fresh as a daisy. Bald as a coon. The dog is barking at it all night.

Scared. Time to go to bed. Woo! scared time to go to bed yeah so that's my ritual should we move on to overheards yeah All right. All right.

All right. All right. All right. All right, guys. Time for a bit of business. All right. All right. Time for a bit of business.

All right. All right. All right. Time for a bit of business. All right. All right. All right. What time is it? Time for a bit of business. All right. All right. Well, this week, a couple bits of business.

First, we've got a Jumbotron message. And this message is for dear Spencer from dear Claire. Happy birthday, she says, to the most wonderful boyfriend I could ever ask for. Now your name will be forever immortalized on your favorite podcast. Thank you for being the sweet, thoughtful, and hilarious person you are. I love you. I love you. All right.

I love you. That's how a girl would say oh yeah or like a cartoon child i love you that's how a cartoon dog would say yeah uh so uh happy birthday spencer yeah go out there and uh hit a home run for us but call your Oh, please. It doesn't count unless you call your shot. The other bit of business is this week, it's,

or not this week. Coming up. Coming up for the last two weeks of March. It's the Max Fun Drive starting on March 16th. Is that past the Ides?

It's one past the Ides. And half past a monkey's ass. Quarter to... Your... Your balls? Whose balls? Oh, all right. All right.

Beginning March 16th, we'll be pulling out all the stops producing our best shows of the year. Yeah, we're having ravines in. Ravine of the hypnotist? Yeah, we're having that guy that always shows up with the animals on the Tonight Show. Oh, Victor Borga. Yeah, Victor Borga's going to be here. The ghost of Liberace. Yeah, beef bolognese.

That's beef with beef sauce. Yeah, also the bushwhackers from wrestling are going to be here. Oh, wow. Yeah. Now, these are not guarantees. They're not guarantees, but they're possibilities. Yeah, anything's possible if you dream hard enough. So, basically, it's the time of year when it's the best time to join MaximumFun.org, become a donor.

There are prizes, gifts. Not so many prizes. Gifts that you get. Surprises. Yep. Sure. And there'll be a bonus episode of this show, as there is every gifts that you get surprises yep sure uh and uh there'll be a bonus episode of this show as there is every year that you'll get uh so yeah mark your calendars starts

on march 16th it only runs for two weeks so and then you know and then it's a business as you and speaking of business as you do you want to move on to overheard? Sure, Wyatt. Overheard. Overheard. A segment in which we the people and you the people all share in the wonderfulness of overhearing something in your daily lives. Now, we always like to start with the guest. All right. Are you going to go for it? Yeah. All right.

Do you have the goods? We'll see. Are you packing? Okay. So I was on the train the other day and like Oscar season at this exact moment is coming up. It's next week, Oscars. Yeah. Yeah.

Although when this episode comes out, congratulations to the imitation game. Yeah. Yeah. There's a guy on the train with his girlfriend. You can tell like early dates, like she was giggling at everything. He wasn't making any sense. Yeah. I love it yeah and they're obviously talking about movies and i love too hard no but it's great though

yeah it is a pretty fun thing that's true yeah he's just like uh the only one i i haven't seen is selma and then she starts giggling like kind of inappropriately being like, oh, God, who's in that? And then he says, oh, it's that one starring Nelson Mandela. Starring Nelson Mandela. That's Martin Luther King. I make some very weird casting decisions. Like that, even that wouldn't be the descriptor. No, no. Like if you knew nothing about the movie it's wrong it's all wrong yeah it's funny like when you sometimes when you hear like a couple talking do you try and

guess how long they've been together based on the content of the conversation yeah because like i'll do that at a diner because like i was at a diner yesterday and uh there was a couple sitting on the same side of the table as each other so i was like that's new that's fresh yeah you don't do that when you're established right and uh she kept making reference to people she had dated before him so like i was like this is really new like they're still talking about yeah you know yeah i want to hear about that early yeah how big was his wiener again one more time i'm gonna order some sausages and you tell me when corkscrewscrew. You dated a duck? Well, he was one of the Duck Dynasty guys.

Oh, gross. I had a friend who told me he would go, I guess they hadn't been dating that long, but he would go for, you know, meals with his girlfriend. And they would, I guess brunch. And they would like share a newspaper and just be reading newspaper as they're at the restaurant now is was that a new or was that an old it was it wasn't old enough that that made sense yeah that you were doing newspaper stuff together somebody's not reading yeah like somebody's just following the lead of who was reading. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, right. Or reading a newspaper. Yeah. I brought my phone.

I, yeah, there was a couple I remember who used to come into the coffee shop I used to work at. And they used to just sit there and stare at each other. They wouldn't talk. They just stare at each other. Were they like lustily? Like, I gotta get back home. But first they need a meal no they would just sit at a table and like for like a good like you know chunk of time like 45 minutes they would

just stare at each other whoa yeah and it was the weirdest thing like they'd order a coffee and they wouldn't really drink it and they would just stare at each other and i was like well how long can that last this has got to be day two of the thing or Or they don't speak the same language, so they're like, let's just stare. Like we don't understand each other. Sometimes with Abby and me, one of us would be walking the dog. I'd be getting ready to walk the dog, and then before I leave, I would tell Abby, like, hey, I'm walking the dog, do you want to come with me? And I was,

uh, like I was all ready for her to say no. And I like had a podcast ready to go. Yeah. And she's like, yeah, sure. And then I'd be like, Hmm,

can we both listen to our iPods while we, is that, is that rude? We never did that. No, I think there is though. There's a level like ways. Cause I,

at the same diner, there was a couple that were not talking, but they weren't looking at each other. It was just kind of looking around and I was like, they've been together for a while. Right. Cause they don't, you know, whatever, either they don't have anything to say or they don't feel the need to fill up every second. Oh, totally. But like this couple next to me, it was really yackety yackety. Don't talk backety. Dave, you got an overheard?

Uh, this is from outside my home, walking the dog. There were two gentlemen on that street right out there, walking down the street. Two men, about 20, I would say both in a trench coats. Whoa. Cool.

Yeah. Yeah. And they were walking in the middle of the street, not the sidewalk, the street. Yeah. At about 10 o'clock on a Friday night. And they were talking about the deep stuff that 20-year-old men talk about. Oh, yeah. Well, here we go.

And I only picked out five words between all the mumbling, but it was one guy explaining whatever is deep thing to the other guy. And here's what I heard. It was space, mumble, mumble, mumble, zooming out, mumble, mumble, mumble, microcosm, mumble, mumble, mumble, reality. Oh, yeah., mumble. Reality. Oh yeah. Men in black.

Maybe he was just explaining his, his, uh, sequel screenplay. Yeah. Uh, yeah. Being 20 was great. You have a trench coat?

Uh, you know what? In high school, I had a leather, not, it wasn't a trench coat. It was called a car coat. Oh. Yeah. That used to belong to my grandfather. What was that?

Come to the hip? Came to the hip. Yeah. And it was my grandfather's and it was super beaten up. But I was like, you know, when you're a teenager, you're like, that's perfect. Perfect. Yeah. Yeah.

You want some like filthy old thing. That's. I don't know. This is a 30 year old thing. Yeah, I know. I'm like, why is that teenager thing? Like you still shop at time shops. It's true.

Well, some of us don't grow up. There's also that. My overheard comes courtesy of a woman. And my overheard comes courtesy of a woman. I think what I was seeing was a woman trying to give mail that had been delivered to her house to the house across the street. That's what I feel like I walked into. It's a good way to meet your neighbors. Yeah.

She was a firecracker because she was yelling at the guy. i think the person was in the house and wasn't answering the door and so she was yelling at them in the window and they still weren't coming down and she had a big thing of mail that's why i assumed that she was trying to deliver mail and uh she said i was i'm just trying just trying to give you your mail and then she stormed off across the street, and I caught her saying to herself, calling that person in the house a dickweed. Which I have not heard dickweed. Since you were a 13-year-old. Yeah.

You were in that cargo. There's a dickweed growing in it. Now, where the dickweed grows. There's a simple way to deliver someone else's mail. Put it in their goddamn mailbox, idiot. You don't have to have a face-to-face interaction with them. That's true. This lady didn't see me in the all together and I want to meet you.

Dickweed? I got your mail. I want to know who has a subscription to Reader's Digest still. Who does though? Seriously. Reader's Digest. What is Reader's Digest? I know it exists.

I've never read it. It's like essays, right? Like short reading. Or excerpts from books. It was excerpts from books. That was its big, that's what it existed for forever. Like, so if some famous author had a book coming out, then you would read a couple chapters in Reader's Digest. And then you would be like, ugh.

Reader's Digest. I sure do. Yeah. And now it's just, you know, fucking, you know, 12 hockey rinks in Canada that are shaped like animals. They do laminates. Try not to be horny. That's literally what my chip from Sexaholics and out of it. Try not to be horny.

It's hard. Passive aggressive chip. Try not to be horny. I could do it. I could do it like 20 hours a day.

Not be horny. No, you still you give yourself a four hour window of varying levels of horny. Oh, yeah. I mean, usually I'm

looking at a picture of Austin Powers. You're like, yep, you do make me horny. Oh, yeah. I mean, usually I'm looking at a picture of Austin Powers. You're like, yep. You do make me horny, baby. Now, we also have overheard sent in to us from around the world. That's new. No, we've always done it. If you want to send one in to us.

I'm not episode one. I'm probably not. You can send them into spy at maximumfun.org. The first one comes from Grace in Toronto. That's where you live.

I was waiting for a bus to Toronto in Barrie, Ontario when three guys walked past me and one of them said,

he's not gonna like jail too much this time. Yeah, last time he had a blast to like jail too much this time. Yeah. Last time he had a blast. Yeah. Because they had, they had that pool. I like to think she's a prison guard and doesn't know the guy, but just implying that somebody's coming back and she's going to discipline him.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. I heard a turquoise. I don't know why I picked that as a criminal's name. Her turquoise is coming back. Oh, yeah. He's trouble.

He's beautiful, though. Oh, my God. You just set him in some silver? Yeah. Those eyes. That's where his nickname comes from. I saw some really nice rings, and I was like, maybe I'm going to start wearing rings. Be a ring guy?

No, it's not going to happen. It's probably, well, you know what? I feel if you become like an old guy, then you can start wearing rings. Be a ring guy? No, it's not going to happen. It's probably, well, you know what? I feel if you become like an old guy, then you can start wearing rings. Do I have nice hands? Yeah, of course. But would they benefit from any kind of ornamentation? What are you looking to gain? He wants to become a ring guy.

Rings, bracelets. Yeah. Like leather straps? Yes. No, nothing like Renaissance. Your watch is nice. Thank you. Yeah, very nice watch.

And you have a wedding ring. Yeah. You're down the curtain. This is about all you can get as a man. Well, no, but if you're a ring guy, like, who's the guy that's the old guy on Sons of Anarchy? Ron Perlman. Ron Perlman Ron Perlman if he

if he showed up with a bunch of rings you would totally be fine with that who are your top 10 ring guys Mickey Rourke Ron Perlman Karl Lagerfeld

Mordecai Sylvester Stallone Arnold Schwarzenegger what yes Arnold Schwarzenegger wears these giant crazy

like look at look at any picture of him not on set and and he's always wearing some giant, crazy ring. The Pope. Elton John. Classic ring guy. Little Richard. Little Richard, absolutely.

Any piano guy. Billy Joel, maybe not. No, maybe not Billy Joel. He's not a piano guy, though. He's more of a piano. What's the word? Trent Reznor, I feel like, probably wears a lot of rings. One of those crazy, like, you know, it's kind of like a claw ring.

One of those things. Oh, sure. Yeah. Big, scary rings. Run DMC. They wore those rings that were all alert. Run or DMC. Yeah.

And Gwen Stefani. So that's all. She's a ring guy. Yeah. She's a ring guy. But those are some pretty good. Mr. T. Yes. And Gwen Stefani. So that's all. She's a ring guy. Yeah, she's a ring guy. But those are some pretty good. Mr. T. Yes.

Oh, my God. You pulled it out of the fire. I used to wear a lot of rings in high school. Huh? But did you know? What kind of guy were you in high school? Car coat, lots of rings, smoked cigarettes. Here we go.

Yeah. When you graduated from high school Were you even offered rings? Like a graduation ring? Yeah, you could buy one 600 bucks or something stupid I don't know anyone who did I didn't know anyone who had one before

I graduated And then when I graduated, nope I didn't know anyone who It must be an American thing with football or stuff like that where you would need to commemorate your varsity year or something. Your fingers.

Yeah. Those prized fingers. But yeah, it's like it was, they were expensive. Yeah. Class rings. Weird. I mean, I have, I got a ring from when I won the world series, one from when I won the Superbowl, one from the Stanley Cup, one from winning the NBA championship, and then six other mystery rings.

One for every finger. You know that when engineers graduate university, they get a ring? Do you know they wear like purple face and body paint when they're getting sort of put into the engineer program? What do you mean? Like Toronto, when I first moved there, all these engineering students were just like locusts all over the city in full body purple paint. Huh?

Just nerds in purple paint. Like intelligent people. Do you know the engineers, they wear the. No, they were just fans of the California Raisins. Yeah. That's what you're thinking.

Engineers, they all wear those like stripy overalls and hat when they ride the train oh that's yeah that's why they wear the ring to remember to pull the thing ring that bell engine engine number nine on the new york transit line something, something, track. Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up. Why do I know that? Is that a ska song? No, it's like some old hip hop song. I'm going to be wrong here. It's like, it is like a Run DMC sort of era.

It's like 80s hip hop. Yeah. Yeah. Man, why is that in my head? Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up. Yeah. It's got to be from a older song. Yeah. No, it is. It's gotta be from a Older song Yeah No it is

It's from the 80s But like No the Like that line Yeah No maybe It's not a sample or anything No it's just him saying it

In the song But isn't it You can You can go with this Is that the one Oh No Engine

Engine number nine Is a country song On the New York It's a country song from 1965. Okay. Oh, so probably they just stole it. Well, not stole. Appropriated.

Sure. They didn't sample it because it's them singing it. Quoted it. I don't know the hip hop one. You must say it on the Google. Yeah, I'm getting there. I got to Roger Miller. Oh, that was a Roger Miller song Yeah

Nice Weird How much grey matter has that been taking up? None because you don't know anything about it Well I know that lyric De la soul Oh Which means of the soul

This next one comes from Benjamin H. in Brooklyn. Oh, hi, Benjamin. Congratulations on your success. We know Benjamin H., don't we? Yeah, we do. Overheard two young women walking down the street in Manhattan drinking iced teas from Starbucks. All I got was one saying to the other, referring to the iced tea, and these are great because they don't have any calories in them.

Honestly, I don't know why they put calories in things in the first place. You put them in, now everybody wants them out. Thanks, lady. Calories are delicious. Oh, they're the best. What tastes better, calories or cholesterol? Cholesterol. Yeah, cholesterol. Although you can't have one without the other. What tastes better, calories or cholesterol? Cholesterol. Yeah, cholesterol.

Although you can't have one without the other. Like you think cholesterol, I think like butter. I love a marriage. Or like weird things. Yeah. What tastes better, cholesterol or estrogen? I mean, estrogen feels better. Uh-huh.

Like it sits better. Oh, I love the way it feels. Yeah. Smooth. It makes me feel like a woman Like a natural woman Yeah natural This last one comes from Mark

In Farmington Hills Have you not done three already? No We did the jail one I'm exhausted And then we did Cholesterol Cholesterol

Imagine you with rings You'd be way too Oh yeah you'd be exhausted Your fingers I would feel great. Is it Jimmy Pardo who it was? Yeah, he said, let's be ring guys. Go back and listen to that episode.

So much fun. We'll wait. Go walk your dog. I was at the zoo with my kids, and they have a couple of bronze gorilla statues that people climb on and take pictures with. A trashy looking lady, well, I mean, that's every, you know, that's subjective, squatted down to sit on the baby gorilla for a picture. She got up while pulling, adjusting her nether region, declaring,

ow, I think I hurt my cricket. I think. Oh, Jiminyiny I hurt my cricket Maybe she houses a cricket Oh yeah Oh yeah sure That's true That's the most

Common sense Explanation for why Somebody would say that Yeah I need someone To make a noise When no one laughs At my jokes Yeah whoops

I crushed my cricket I can't do the noise everybody let sarah do it 10 more times oh okay i'm gonna all right okay he said this is sarah's this is for a relaxation. Tell a bad joke first. Okay. Man says to the doctor, doctor, it hurts when I do this. And the doctor says, stop doing that. Nailed it. It sounds like

The straw they give you at the dentist Oh yeah It sounds like you told a joke At a dentist office I'm working on a patient Not right now Getting spit sucked out In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls.

If you want to call us, the phone number is beep-bop-boop-boop-ba-ba-boop-beep-bop-boop-boop-boop. That's 206-339-8328. That was computer language. Like these people did. No, phones. Oh, phone language. That's right. All right.

Before we play this first phone call, it's come to our attention. We were wrong about that song. It is The Choice is Yours, revisited by Black Sheep. Thank you. The Choice is Yours. If you already wrote us on Twitter to say we were wrong. Pick it up. The joke's on you.

The Choice is Yours. Here are your phone calls, everybody. Now. Hi, everybody. Now. Hi, guys. This is Piper from New Hampshire calling in with an overheard. I was at a restaurant that's actually pretty nice and next to a table that I think was on a date, which is odd because the woman said, no, Brad, you didn't lose 10 pounds from taking a poop. I don't care what the scale said.

It's impossible. Brad. At a restaurant, it was actually pretty nice. It's got to weigh something, though, right? You know when boxers are trying to get down? Let's not. But you know they can sweat out 15 pounds, right? Yeah.

So that's got to be also part of it. Yeah. Right? Must be. That's all I'm saying. Get your shit out of a toy car that weighs six pounds maybe. If that was part of it. Like there has to be something dense, like load-bearing tiny weights.

Yeah. Well, Brad, if you hadn't eaten that big toy car from my dad's collection. You said you were trying to get into fighting weight and then you ate a Tonka truck. I like that they sat down for dinner and that came up midway through it.

It wasn't like he just came having weighed himself. This is a really nice restaurant. They got a scale in the bathroom. Yeah.

But when you see a scale, do you automatically get on it? No. I almost always do. Yeah, me too. Yeah, just for fun. And then i'm like

i guess i'm probably wearing 20 pounds of clothes and also midway through the day you probably just ate yeah yeah fuck yourself up yeah and oh probably just drank loads of water water's the heaviest dense yeah dense as water but yeah like i if i'm like anywhere where they have like a novelty scale somewhere where do you go what's a novelty scale you know like if I'm like anywhere where they have like a novelty scale somewhere. Where do you go? What's a novelty scale? You know, like if it's at the airport and you weigh your luggage on a thing, I'll stand on it. Oh, that's so novel.

Yeah. I think I find it novel. There's not that many places that have scales that I go to. When you said novelty scale, I assumed it was like. Like something that gives you your fortune. Yeah. Or the scale equivalent of like a funhouse mirror. Yeah.

Or the one where you hit with a giant hammer. Yeah. Even though that's not a scale. That's not a scale. That's what I pictured, like that. Uh-huh. You get on the scale and it goes boop, bong. And then you got a prize.

Some kind of love meter. Yeah. That would be so demoralizing. Yeah, you got on a scale and you won a prize because you were so fat. Disney World over the break. And there was a Krustyville, like a Krustyland. They had a whole Simpsons part of it. It was amazing at Universal.

And they had a love meter, like in Moe's Tavern. And I, I. The love mat of grandpa. Yeah. And I held it and said, like lukewarm. And then my boyfriend hit it and it said Casanova. And he just kept bringing it up. It's hard to live down.

That's what boyfriends do. Casanova. No, they just bring things up. Luke Worm. They have one of those at the Fox Cabaret where the Sunday service performed. You put your hand on it and it goes. Yeah, I did that as a child.

Yeah. Well, you got to know. You got to know as a kid. And you wonder like, oh, is this based on the heat in my hands? Do I heat up my hand first or is this random? Yeah, it's random. It's random. It would be like a slot machine sort of thing.

There used to be one where you would grab and you'd try a grip. And I remember the top grip you could have was gorilla grip. Yeah. Yeah. So if anybody ever shakes my hand too hard, I say, what are you? What kind of? Is this gorilla grip? Some kind of Casanova?

All right. Here's your next phone call. Hi, this is Kyle from Orlando, and I'm calling in with an overheard. I was just at the grocery store. Grocery stores have a big scale out in front of them, and I saw a guy on his phone, I assume talking to his wife, saying, I don't understand how I gained 10 pounds in one evening. I don't understand how I gained 10 pounds in one evening, and he's standing on the scale holding his bag of groceries.

Two scale overheards? Yep. That's crazy. I know. 10 pounds, same guy, but like prequel. Yeah. I lost 10 pounds. I dropped the bag of groceries, but then I went to the bathroom. I lost 10 pounds.

I dropped the bag of groceries, but then I went to the bathroom. You know, have you ever, I don't know if either of you have ever been weighed at the doctor and they don't say anything immediately after, that means you have to lose weight. If they don't go, good. Like, cause you know, they kind of say, yeah, fine. Oh, oh, wow. Impressive. Oh yeah, nurse, I think our scales broke. We have a horse scale over here

I know a country veterinarian that can weigh you When we take the dog to the vet, it's a dog scale Or an animal scale And I step on it And then it's like, hey Alright, I gotta figure out how many kilograms Like Yeah, you gotta write it down and then Google it.

Wolfram it. What is the type of where you get weighed in a water? Do you figure out your body mass index or something? That's like something to do with Ivan Drago. You had to get exact measurements. I don't think they've done it with me. No, but like it's. Some sort of water displacement yes yeah now i'm thinking of like mr wizard where

they would put something in and then it'd be like whatever water it displaces that's how many liters like the density of your butt like because if you're a lot of muscle i think that's the controversy with your bmi because there's people that like they put in a weight and their height and it might say they're under or overweight but they might be super muscular right like i know yeah like i know a girl that's a big like she runs and she's just super fit looking but she's technically like obese i think because she's just mainly muscle which just weighs so much right oh yeah gross yeah so gross yeah hey hey hey friend shout out shout out to my gross friend why are you trying to lose some of that Right. Oh, yeah. Gross. Yeah. So gross. Yeah. Hey. Hey.

Hey, friend. Shout out. Shout out to my gross friend. Why are you trying to lose some of that muscle? Put a little more jiggle in your walk. Hey. Huh? Huh?

Come on. This is Dave being charming. Yeah. Real Casanova over here. Feel my hand. It's BMI when you lose 10 pounds by going to the bathroom. No, it's when you tell somebody too much stuff. Yeah. Okay. Here's your final

overheard of 2015. Hey, Dave, Graham, and fantastic guests. This is Brian in South Florida calling in an overseen. I'm sitting in traffic right now and at the intersection by the light pole there's like a big electrical transformer box and there's a huge poster

put on it in black and white. It's an ad for a teenager's birthday party that says Valentine's Day birthday bash and then his name is Kevin and there's a picture of him doing the Johnny Manziel money fingers and above his name

it says, Mr. I Don't Get Tired. They ran out of nicknames. What is his number? Mr. I Don't Get Tired. Yeah. That's the kid that pulls a 30-year-old. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There you go.

But like, was this a stop by? Yeah, everybody's welcoming my party. I don't get tired. Yeah, so just keep coming. I'll receive any guests. It doesn't matter how many rings I'm wearing. I don't get tired. That's a ring.

That's a future ring guy. Yeah. Super Bowl rings. Name your kid Kevin, and he's always going to be mischievous. Yeah. Sexually mischievous. That's why you named your kid Kevin. You're like, I feel like this kid's going to get

in some sexual misadventure. And if I forget him at home, he's fine. Yes, but my home isn't. He's going to put tar and feathers. Well, no, I thought another some kind of sexual mischief. Oh.

No, that's what I meant. He some kind of sexual mischief. Oh. He's, we'll have had sex. No, that's what I meant. He's gonna fuck Joe Pesci. Yeah, he's gonna home alone it. He's gonna slam Daniel Stern's face with an iron while having sex. Yeah, Joe Pesci gets his head stuck in the dog door. He's like, I can't get out. Ah, what's happening?

Keep the change if you'll be out of luck. So we're just thinking of Home Alone. That's where we're going. But we added sex. Yeah, yeah. Kevin's sticking things in Joe Pesci's butt. He's electrocuting him and putting a light bulb in his butt

and it lights up oh man oh buzz my room tarantula um well that brings us to the end of this here episode the old man with a shovel oh yeah he comes in at the end. Slaps Joe Pitchy in the face with his dick. Not his shovel? No. This is the explicit.

This is the red band version. Oh, yeah, sure. The red band. Leaves the same print. Oh, boy. We like fun. Sarah, do you have anything? Do you have any?

You're still doing comedy out in Toronto. Yeah. Do you have any shows you want to plug? Are you appearing anywhere regularly? No, like some stuff at Comedy Bar and a place just opened up this year called Bad Dog Theater, which used to be at Comedy Bar, but now they have their own space. And they do a bunch of amazing things. And are you working with them? A little bit, but it's just growing into that. But for sure, regardless, they have their own space. Yeah. And they do a bunch of amazing things. And are you working with them?

A little bit, but they, you know, it's just growing into that, but for sure, regardless, if you're out there in Toronto, go see their stuff.

Bad Dog Theater. A lot of people plugging them in recent weeks. Yeah. They're getting a lot of good press out of here. They're doing cool things. Yeah.

Probably pony up a little bit of money. A little. PR. PR. Yeah. Spin doctors. Thank you. A little PR. Yeah. Yeah. Spin doctors. Thank you. A little English.

Yeah. To doctor the spin. What time is it? 4.30. Pick it up. It is almost 4.30. Everybody check your watches. Could be 3.30.

It's not even 4. Oh, brother. When's 4.30 going to be here? So excited. 4.20. 10 minutes after 4.20. I'm ready to vape. You listen to be here. So excited. 4.20. 10 minutes after 4.20. I'm ready to bake. You listen to the spin doc.

If you like the show, head over to MaximumFun.org. Check out the blog recap. Pictures and videos relating to the content of this podcast. Picture of Cropsey, maybe. Scary, scary, scary Cropsey. Sure. A picture of Krusty, Krusty Land Universal Studios. Yeah. Sexy Daniel Stern. I'm not making these photos.

I've got one. Oh, you have one? Okay, cool. Alright. And yeah, if you like the show tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.