Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 368 - David Heti

Episode Date: April 6, 2015

Comedian David Heti joins us to talk about hobo life, air sickness, and scary video games.

Hello, everybody. Hi, guys. Before we get started on the show, we wanted to say something about a friend of ours. His name is Pat Plaszek. Yeah. I've known him since I was five years old. He's one of my best friends.

Graham met him after me. Yeah. I met him a little earlier. Yeah. But he has leukemia, and he's been battling it this year. He had, I think, five rounds of chemotherapy and it went away and it came back. And then he had a bone marrow transplant from his brother and it looked good, but it came back and he's exhausted all of his options within Canada and now he is, uh, the, the option

that's open to him now is in Seattle and it's, uh, a treatment that involves T cells and it has apparently a 90% success rate. Oh, wow. But unfortunately it is incredibly expensive. Yeah. Like, uh, like hundreds of thousands of dollars. Yeah, it's about half a million dollars.

And, uh, we've of thousands of dollars. Yeah, it's about half a million dollars. And we've already raised, his friends have already raised about $125,000. That's a big chunk of change right there. It is. It's very impressive. And so we just wanted to let you know about a couple of things that you might be interested in, if you would like to help. One is this event happening on April 11th here in Vancouver at On Lock Supply at 1636 Venables.

It's a dance party with cool stuff that's up for auction. I'll be there. Oh, Dave will be out there in the world. I'll be signing baseballs. Yeah. So yeah, I'll put a link to that on our blog post for this episode. And another thing.

Signing 8x10s of Worf from Star Trek The Next Generation. I'll sign any 8x10s you bring me. Yeah. Worf from Star Trek The Next Generation. I'll sign any 8x10s you bring me. The other thing that has an appeal to everyone listening. Yeah, we're going to go ahead and do a live podcast. On May 9th.

At the prestigious Rio Theater. And that will be a fundraiser for Pat as well. And the lineup for this thing. Oh man. Dream zone. stop podcasting yourself favorites alicia tobin and charlie demers but that's the whole show right no opening act the sunday service what yeah so uh no skimping no crimping i want to see straight hair only yeah no crumping yeah no crumping no clown dancing no

flumping uh so tickets for that may or may not be on sale at this point uh but if they are on sale they are on sale where if you go to the uh rio theater.ca there's a link to their ticketing website which i believe is rio theater tickets.ca. That's where we'll be selling the tickets for the show. Yeah, follow us on Twitter. We'll have links to that there. And that's coming up May 9th. Shall we get on with the show? Absolutely.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 368 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark. I'm with me, as always, is a man who's fighting a cold with tooth and nail and vitamin C, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, I'm losing.

I'm losing a fight to a cold. I'm not fighting a cold. I have a cold. You're just living with, you're coping with. I'm coping with a cold. Yeah, yeah. You're not fighting it. But I've been doing that thing where...

Why am I wearing this ribbon to support your fight against this cold? Oh is uh i will i i get a portion of the sales from every ribbon it's it's the mucus colored ribbon and it is but i've been doing that thing where uh uh i just tell people oh i'm just getting over a cold when in fact i might still be climbing up a cold yeah what's the what what day are you cold wise oh boy 50 oh wow maybe the colds just really found its place that it wants to be no i'm probably um uh four day four yeah that's that's mid you know like colds are like a week sometimes they're not Sometimes they're like three weeks. Yeah. From whatever last time I had a cold, my nose is still, my nose still thinks I'm having a cold.

Also, I got the flu shot this year. Ah. I've never had the flu shot before. And I was looking it up because I was like, what's the difference between a flu and a cold? Because is a flu like a stomach? Yeah, I think you get a little something. But the flu shot is supposed to keep away a cold because it's a flu like a stomach yeah i think you get a little something uh but the flu shot is supposed to keep away a cold really well it turns out neither it's supposed to keep away just like super bad colds oh okay or or bad uh flus yeah anyway whatever uh we have

but then they give you autism, you know. Our guest today. Flu shots don't. Oh, all the shots, you know, they're all suspects. Also, none of the shots do. Well, except the autism shot. Our guest today, very funny comedian, kind of traveling all over the place, landing in Vancouver this week. Mr. David Hetty is our guest. Hi, guys. Thanks. Hi. Heyady is our guest hi guys thanks hi yeah thanks for having me it's kind of like really weird it's weird to be in this basement you know

is it yeah why is that because you guys are so like natural with each other like right off the bat and i'm like oh i have to engage in this friendship somehow you'll be fine just yeah so stand in the corner and watch. All right. That's what we put on a show. I'll do it well, you know? Yeah, yeah. Well, let's get to know us. Get to know us.

Now, we were talking last night. You just arrived in Vancouver yesterday. Yeah. And you've been traveling like all up and down the West Coast via Greyhound bus. And rides share. Okay. I don't know what ride share is.

Really? Oh, I see it on the highway when I'm in the States. It's like dial this number for a ride share. No, it's just Craigslist. Oh. Oh, okay. So it's not like a company. It's not like a Lyft or Uber.

It's like a carpool. Like, hey, I'm on Craigslist. Do you have ass, gas, or grass? Exactly. Yeah, exactly. There was some weirdo. I mean, there are much better and worse rides than sometimes.

What was the absolute worst this time around? This time around? Well, okay. I mean, I was going to, I was actually going to reserve this for the overheard, you know? I was like, this is exactly. Your worst ride last time around. Last time around? I was like, this is exactly... Your worst ride last time around.

Last time around? I was kind of... Oh, my God. I guess one of the worst ones between Toronto and Montreal, and they have these sort of illicit businesses they run which aren't regulated, and they're illegal, really.

And I guess, well, the last time... Anyway, I don't want to reveal my prejudice so early. No, no, get him out of the way. Grahams is against autism. It was... One time the wheel almost fell off the truck, the car. Okay. Not the no, get him out of the way. Grahams is against autism. One time the wheel almost fell off the truck,

the car. Okay. Not the tire, but the wheel. Right. We were stranded there. And that I'm okay with. I can get,

but even worse as that was when it was this truck that was, this van that was kind of transporting, a minivan transporting sort of like Chinese food, like frozen Chinese,

or like, no, I guess it wasn't frozen. And then the driver the entire time was listening to Chinese pop music, like frozen Chinese, or like, no, I guess it wasn't frozen. And then the driver the entire time was listening to Chinese pop music, very loud volume, and singing along to it. So you were just cargo. You weren't like a passenger. Kind of. And his girlfriend would start falling asleep in the passenger's seat beside him, and every time she would touch Falsy, he would poke her and wake her up in a playful

way, which she wasn't enjoying as far as i could tell where were you in relation to them i was in the first row behind the behind the front seats but behind the front seats but in front of all the frozen or non-frozen chinese food yeah and the others smushed in the back and then and then what else there were other people also there were other people. I mean, he'd be on speakerphone the entire time. What was the person to seatbelt ratio? Yeah. Oh, it was maybe like eight to seven or something like this. Yeah, one floater. Yeah, basically.

Anyway, I was sitting in hay at certain times a little bit. It was another time. Sitting in hay. Yeah. It seems like an expression like my dad would have. You'll be sitting in hay. Yeah. It seems like an expression, like my dad would have. You'll be sitting in hay if you're not careful. But it gets to a point where you're like, what do I do? Like, I have to get into this car.

I have nowhere to sleep tonight, you know? Like, you have your plan. Yeah. Well, and it's always in movies, you see somebody sitting on the back of a truck on a hay bale. Yeah. It's true. And then other times they just leave you, like no one shows up.

Yep, I can see that. Anyway, it's interesting. You know, you make do with whatever comes. But like, so you go on Craigslist and somebody says, I'm going between point A and point B. I'm going on Craigslist right now. But oftentimes,

oftentimes you make like, it's really, the thing is sometimes there's super nice parts of your trip. Like it's not as if it's solely for transportation, but it becomes

part of the experience. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. Like one time someone was like, why don't we take this, you know, two hour detour

between Toronto and Montreal and everyone, everyone else was like, yeah, let's do this. And I was like, fuck, like I, it doesn't matter if I protest because it's like for. And everyone else was like, yeah, let's do this. And I was like, fuck. It doesn't matter if I protest because it's like for... And then he's like,

my parents have this converted church. It's into a home. And he showed me this giant... It was kind of this mystical world I never ever would have seen. Oh, sure. So you kind of... I don't want to be so... You'll be sold into slavery. You'll like it because your soul is being saved in this weird church.

But it's kind of like a weird lesson in sort of taking life as it comes because it's part of the journey. The whole thing is the journey. You're not getting at an airport and sitting and waiting and waiting. And that's rush, rush, rush. What section of Craigslist is this? Go to community and then ride share. Now, were you at all worried when the guy's like, let's go do this detour? Were you like, oh, no, this is how a murder starts?

I was just pissed off. Because you don't know who you're getting in a car with. Right. One time I tried to sell a guy comedy for like my ride, you know, I was like, I was like, can I give you like this recording for like,

can you take $5 off the price? Right. And then he kind of had this awkward moment and he was like, I have a, I have a daughter. And I was like, okay, sorry.

Like you need them. You know, the money is more important. Is this something my daughter could listen to? Man, if I come home with one more X-rated comedy CD, my wife is going to put me out. But it's like, yeah. You sort of realize that, oh, this comedy isn't really like...

Once the apocalypse happens, I'm not going to be, I don't have a lot of skills that I can. Transfer over. And the funny thing is, oftentimes, you know, people are like, what do you do? Like this, okay, the one I was going to tell, but anyway, whatever, these rides with like these very hippie, trippy girls that, you know, from Portland. Okay. I rode with, one of them actually said she lived in a forest for a month with her horse.

And I was like, what are you doing? Of course. And one of them, they're all talking about like, not what their sun sign is, but what your moon sign is. Because the moon is about the inner world and your outer world. And everyone's concurring with these outlandish ideas about like sleeping with your plant signs on your birthday to reinvigorate. And they're all like, yes.

And I, they're like, that's a given. And the worst part is I'm just like, I bet they're happier than I am. You know, that's what I'm, that's my feeling. That's my fear. Well, she's got a horse. She's doing all right. I mean, she's only 20, you know, who knows what comes. Wow.

I mean, if you had a horse by 20, like you got it made. You'd have a dinosaur by 30. You kept trading up. Yeah. It's like that guy who started with one red paper clip or whatever. I traded my way up to a battleship. Okay. Did you find anything?

Yes. Okay. This is the most ludicrous distance I could find so far. Okay. I need a ride, Vancouver to Montreal or Ottawa. Okay. Other side of the country okay uh i need a ride vancouver to montreal or ottawa okay other side of the country uh i really need a ride a lot of misspellings i i assume this is a french speaker okay really need a ride vancouver to montreal ready to leave right now i have a small dog really nice and really clean she can sit on me all the way and I will share the gaz with you.

The gaz? Yeah. Oh, nice. It seems like a thing that if you did it enough, you would find somebody who was on the lam. Like, that seems like a Jack Reacher or somebody like that. Like, some guy who's like,

I won't tell you his story. Yeah, but I also feel like it's almost less sketchy than the Greyhound. Oh, the Greyhound's like king sketchy especially in the states like that's where you're meeting ex-cons and people on the land and future cons oh yeah totally yeah cons of tomorrow you get a discount you have your cons of tomorrow part yeah um so you went, you went all the way down to California. Well, I flew from Toronto to LA. Okay. And I went from LA to, I think, San Francisco and then Sacramento and Chico and San Jose

and Santa Barbara and Portland and then Seattle and then here. And like, you were on the bus most of this time? I don't like this look that you just said that word. No, you know, it's like. You seek out a ride share first. And if that doesn't come through you, then you're like, okay, Greyhound. Or do you prefer Greyhound? I try to go with friends first and then ride share because I like the adventure of it.

I like not knowing what comes. I like saving even a little bit of money and it's faster. And I think I like the risk taking taking like with the Greyhound, you just know it's going to be miserable. And like all the public space is taken up by the person with the least self awareness, you know? Yeah.

That's true of airplanes as well. Yeah. And the thing is though, I like, I always feel like why, like I'm a best person. Like I just, I have so much todain for everyone around me

because they're there and one for one reason but i'm also amongst them and one of them yeah so it's very you can't oh that's that's i i have that on public transit yeah where you're like well i guess i'm in with the brood yeah like why don't they make buses smaller for just me. And maybe I could drive it and call it a car. It's always the couple. I find that if there's a couple on the bus, they're often the worst because they're doing stuff.

They make you feel lonely? Well, and they're also trying to get away with something. Yeah, they're trying to do something. Oh, we're just putting a blanket over top of us. Yeah, and I'm supposed do something. Oh, we're just putting a blanket over top of us. Yeah, and I'm supposed to pretend I don't notice this crazy hobo sexcapade going on behind me. Are people cleaning themselves?

What? Like they're, I don't know, they're clipping their nails, they're trimming their nails. Yeah. I don't even like putting on, seeing people put on their makeup in public. Yeah, that's weird.

And I don't know if that's a gendered thing. Like, I think if a guy were doing it too, I wouldn't like it, but I just find it so much so offensive. I think if guys

wore makeup, we would be doing it in public. Am I right? Yeah. But in the reflection of a car door or

whatever, like we'd just be doing it last night. Hold up. I saw a lady That's Tony Danza Putting on Putting on mascara

Yeah There was a lady Putting on Fake Eyelashes On the train And I've never Seen that before

I've never seen The application Of fake eyelashes It's horrifying Because you kind of Like pull your eyelid Off of your eyeball and stuff

and but that's not a clean safe place to be detaching eyelids and what I do on the train

is I give myself cornrows is that offensive to anyone what I do I always complain about the sort of

ticketing procedure that they that they have on the VIA train. Because what they do is, I don't know if last time you were there, but they have a little BlackBerry

and they scan each ticket and it goes ding, ding. And so almost every train ride, what I do is I write in a complaint about, aren't we at like a point in time where you wouldn't have to have some sort of audible recognition of the scan? Like, what year is this? This makes no sense to me.

Just because, what's your problem with This makes no sense to me. Just because, what's your problem with it? Because it's noise pollution. It's like, it's absurd. They're trying to create this environment for you, which is, and like, I have to go

tell other people to talk quietly, to talk more quietly. But the guy's doing his job. He's just... But for a whole car, that's like, what, like 70 people?

It's part of the experience. Yeah, it shouldn't have to be. I thought your point was going to be, it's like humiliating for the one person who's got a counterfeit ticket and it goes... I love that that's the sound because, yeah, it totally would be. Ding! be uh and then the person hearing somebody do an on the fly explanation of why they have a fake ticket or no ticket yeah on a train is a great great source of entertainment oh i didn't know you would be i was told there would be no attendance taking today i thought this was general admission i'll move i'm squatting, my friend, he had the ticket,

and then he didn't get on the train at the last minute, and I waved at him and threw a handkerchief. Wait a moment. One time I got off the train, started moving in one direction, I decided I didn't want to go, I wanted to go the other way, and then it was just pulling out, and I asked the conductor, I was like, is it too late to get off? And he's like, okay.

And then they stopped it, and I jumped the conductor, I was like, is it too late to get off? And he's like, okay. And then they stopped it and I jumped off. Really? Yeah, I was in Kingston and I was supposed to go to Montreal to visit a friend. Right. But I was like, you know what, I'd rather just go home to Toronto. You just decided this just in the moment. And then this friend of mine in Kingston who wasn't planning on going to Montreal, I left him a note.

I was like, I'll be in Montreal. Meet me if you, like, go to Nick's if you want to hang out. So he woke up. He's like, yeah, I'll go to Nick's. And he went there, and I hadn't shown up. And they weren't friends anymore at that point, which I didn't know. So they had this weekend to hang out together.

It was just so uncomfortable. And I was back in Toronto. Oh, man. No ride share with that guy in the future. But you're like, oh, it's so annoying that the little ding goes off. But everyone stop the train. I want to get off.

I don't care if I inconvenience you. That's actually very true. It's fair. But that's systemic. Like this is just, you know, I didn't reason this out. No. Yeah. You're a free spirit.

That's funny. I didn't know that they would, because they could at any time stop a train. It's not like if you panic on a train. Isn't that the slogan of a company? But it's T-R-A-N-E and they make like heaters or furnaces. Oh, like

they work so well it's hard to stop one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I haven't been on like a train ride forever. a very long time why not uh because it never occurs to me as the a mode to get anywhere also because one in 70 derailed aren't there like isn't there like a big derailment like once a month it seems like it yeah usually not people but or the last time another time yeah frozen chinese food Isn't there like a big derailment like once a month? It seems like it. Yeah. Somewhere in the world.

Usually not people, but. But the last time, another time. Yeah. Frozen Chinese food. We were delayed for like two and a half hours. And it turned out someone had been like committed suicide on the, like in a round. And then they're like, they announced like everyone will get, you know, $35 off their next trip. Suicide.

And we're like, okay. Like this is a great, okay. Okay. You know, maybe. It shows you one person can make a difference yeah everybody got yeah credit credit well i mean if you ever need to like if you ever need 35 dollars get a friend give them some bad advice um yeah like because maybe in ontario there's a lot of there's a lot of towns that you could go to on train, but there aren't really here. I mean, it's kind of parsed or spaced out, I guess. I hear the one to Seattle and Portland is quite nice. Yeah.

Although I've, uh, Alicia Tobin went on it. And if you don't like it within the first five minutes, you're really trapped. Like, like if you get on a train car and the guy next to you is eating a giant party sub. Right. You know what I mean? Like, you're like,

oh, there's, there's no breaks. There's no, this is just, there's no breaks. How do they stop it? Well,

that was very hard. That's where that expression comes from. Yeah. But you can get off, you get off the next stop. You can, you can complain. I mean, what's the alternative? comes from. Yeah. But you can get off. You get off the next stop. You can complain. I mean, what's the alternative? Like, do you drive everywhere?

Do you fly everywhere? No, I walk. I amble. Okay, okay. No, I do. I fly if I can. Okay. That's the operative sort of clause there.

Yeah, yeah. And then if I can't, then I usually go on a bus, I think, is my next. Really? Yeah, because there's not a lot of, like, because if you went from, like, Vancouver to, like, Calgary on the train, like, that's a thing people do for, like, a holiday or something. Like, so it's super expensive. But the thing that I like about the bus, actually, is that I don't expect people to be good people. Right. So when they're making noise or they're eating food that smells terrible, I'm like, well, what do you want?

These are bus people. Yeah. But if I'm on a train or a plane and people are talking loudly i'm like these people ought to know better you're like this is supposed to be a better class exactly exactly it's like in a library i'd rather go to the floor where you're allowed to talk because people will still talk on the floor you're not supposed to talk so but i'm not as angered you know right because you're just like yeah this is just i've asked for this exactly yeah no fair enough um and like did you like like what of those places that you traveled to like what

were you doing comedy on all of them or do you know people well i was doing comedy and i know people everywhere oh yeah i've done this trip before and like the more you do this then you make friends and you're hanging out and i mean it's a it's a it's a huge vacation yeah because the last time uh you were here you were kind of doing this kind of like traveling, staying a week here and doing this. And if you ever like, when's the last time you had like a year lease at an apartment? This is a very good question. A year lease? Okay.

Wait a second. What if I had a month to month? Well, you're from Quebec and they, they, everyone has to move out on July 1st. Yeah. That's Canada Day, no? Is June 1st Canada Day? July 1, no? Is June 1st Canada Day? July 1st. Okay, so it's Canada Day.

Wait, are you asking when's the last time I had a lease and I was in the same place for a year? Because I had a month-to-month lease for a long time. Does that count? Because that's not commitment either. Yeah, no, let's go with the year lease, the original question. The year lease, that must have been 2008. Oh, wow. What a year yeah and in that year you were like i'm definitely i'm hanging out here for a year kind of thing yeah i stayed until i had a breakup and then my fridge broke

the two most important relationships in your world and i was like, you know, I'm not fixing the fridge. I'm just leaving town. And that was, that's when I left Montreal. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah. I don't know what I would do. Would you leave stuff or did you just leave without? My lease, it was a month, it was month to month at that point

because I'd been there a long time. Okay. So if you really want to, maybe 2007 technically. Okay. You left a note on the fridge. Yeah. Go to Nick's if you want to get my

yeah you want to get next month's rent um and so like are you would you consider yourself kind of a nomad i say hobo hobo more than nomad okay yeah it yeah i mean the thing is like i actually have no home right now really you know yeah so. So you're just bouncing around from wherever to wherever? Yeah, basically. I mean, once I go back to Toronto, I'm staying two weeks at my sister's place because she's away for a little while. Right. And after that, I don't know. I mean, I always have places to go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Adventures to have. Crimes to solve, I imagine. No, well. No, crimes to, you know, avoid. Oh, sure. Yeah. Because staying at other people's houses is, is like my least favorite thing in the world.

Really? It's like, oh, how do I chip in around the house? Oh, maybe I'll, you know, do the dishes and put them away. It's like, oh, I don't know where they go. Do I do everything wrong? Yeah, you put them all in the sock drawer. Yeah. But I feel like at a certain point you build up the sense of community.

And my hope. I don't. My hope. But I think it's really something where you get to understand, like, if like people who require others, who need others to get by really do have a fuller sense of community. Because even if it comes out of necessity, you recognize that. And my hope is to one day have a home and be able to return this to other comics coming up. Would you say you're homeward bound?

My hope. Wait, but would I say this? Would I say that you're home... Would you say that you're homeward bound? Not really, because... Isn't that what a hobo stands for? Is that really what it is? Yeah.

Oh, that's interesting. I don't think I knew that. The two hobo-est looking guys in the room don't even know the code. Yeah. I like the term drifter. That's beautiful. Yeah, I feel like Rambo sometimes, but just tell jokes instead, you know? Yeah.

Like, have you ever just gone into town and then accidentally ended up at a gig that you didn't even know was happening? Totally. All the time. Really? Constantly. That's crazy to me. Yeah. You go to a place and they're like, oh, hey.

And then now, you know, people know me. So they're like, oh, hey, do you want to do this show tomorrow? And tomorrow I was like, yeah, sure. Right. So maybe, I don't know if that's exactly what you're talking about. No, but like that you show up and you're like, you know. Graham means, have you ever walked on, unknowingly walked onto a stage? It's it. you know Graham means have you ever walked on unknowingly walked onto a stage it's like what

how do you do stuff like just like like mail like where does your mail where do I mail who needs mail these days I don't have mail I mail to my dad's place

where are your where are your magazines sent I don't have magazines what I don't you don't have magazines um yeah but toronto is my base really like that's where my stuff is oh yeah yeah but magazines but like i know some comics that have apartments and they're not in them for five months at a time

or whatever right so it does kind of it does become kind of like, well, why even have one, right? But that's what I think. Look, the thing is, well, I don't really want to live in Canada. I don't want to settle here right now. Like I had all these things and, you know, bed and Chester drawers and whatever and cutlery. Toaster? Do you have a toaster? No, I didn't.

I put through it out. No fence. It was chain link. White chain link fence. And I just gave it to this friend of mine, basically. She needed a place. Yeah. It's kind of a weird thing.

Like, she's a bartender. Right. And she's really generous. And it's a nice thing because, like, when I'm in town, I have no place to go or something. I can go straight there and then hang out. And she, like, you know, gives me drinks and whatever. Oh, wow. It's a nice exchange.

And I didn't need the stuff. It was a burden. And she had nothing. So I was like, why not? gives you drinks and whatever. Oh, wow. It's a nice exchange. And I didn't need the stuff. It was burdening me, you know, a burden. And she had nothing. So I was like, why not? Just, it's fine. So are you living kind of out of like a suitcase kind of deal? You remember that bag I had with me last night? Yeah.

That's all I was traveling with this whole time. No kidding. In fact, I was traveling with less than that, but I bought a couple of books on the way. Wow. Yeah. Because that's... Books are like fat magazines, right?

Yeah. Yeah. How do you order books off of amazon where does it deliver yeah um that's amazing so you you don't know uh well not no possessions but very minimal very few because my feeling is if you're traveling around this much what you want is to be able to arrive in a town at any time and walk around as if you're a local, you're comfortable, you can feel cool. So you just have your one shoulder bag. Wow. Huh. Now, when I go to a town, I like to bring a big map.

Camera around the neck. Yeah. Yeah. Zinc on the nose. Doesn't matter what season it is. Money belt. Yeah, on the nose. Zinc, yeah. Doesn't matter what season it is. Money belt. Yeah, several money belts. Oh, that's very cool.

That's fun. Yeah, because past guest Glenn Wool, he was like that. He had one piece of carry-on luggage he lived out of for years, for like seven years. Wow. And now he has a place and stuff. I wonder if he still just has the one thing, a luggage, in this apartment. Oh, yeah, but it's like you can use it as a bed. You can use it as a convertible luggage.

Yeah. Is he in London? He has a place here, here in Vancouver. Oh, okay, interesting. But he still travels around all over the place. But, yeah, so just like a shoulder bag, and that's Vancouver. Oh, okay. Interesting. But he still, he travels around all over the place, but yeah. So like, just like a shoulder bag and that's it. That's it.

Wow. I wonder what I would pack. I can tell you what you should pack. Okay. Well, Graham and I will, we'll, we'll, I, how do we, how do we want to do this? Do we want to guess? Do we want to just plan it out and you tell us

how close we are? Yeah. Let's just plan it out. Okay tell us how close we are yeah let's just plan it out okay you're gonna need a giant thermos for hot and cold drinks two thermos two thermos um uh toilet paper you want it you want your own the comforts of two-ply wherever yeah yeah that's true that's you know i don't mind roughing it but but not in that area. Uh, Tic Tacs. Yeah. One thing at Tic Tacs. Just not even. Making fun of me. No.

No. Never would we. Just sort of like, not for your breath, but just as a percussive, like the rhythm of the city. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then, uh, some sort of weapon. Yeah.

Do you have a weapon? Do you carry some sort of weapon? Do I have a weapon? Do you need a weapon if you you carry some sort of weapon? Do I have a weapon? Do you need a weapon if you don't have any possessions? I don't have a weapon because you can't fly. I guess you could pick one up where you land. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would go straight to the flea market.

The duty-free weapon shop. Yeah. I don't know. I feel like if I was getting in ride chairs and stuff, I would carry like a pepper spray or something like that. The thing that... No. I don't...

I... You really... you kind of like putting your faith out in the yeah in the universe i think i mean i mean i think perhaps sometimes when i've like i mean i was i was stoned at the at the grayhound at 2 30 in the morning okay and that was a terror and i was like everyone was trying to stab me yeah that was horrific and my friend like actually i was like don't leave until I get on the bus, please. And I'm not a good, I'm not, I don't, I'm not, I don't. Everything will be fine once I'm on the Greyhound.

Uh-oh. What's wrong with this picture? Yeah. The moments like that, you're like, what am I doing? Like, why am I here? Like, my friends have like kids and kids and homes and what is this? But they must think it's quite a

when they're kind of traveling hobo friend shows up and tells them tales of the road and all this stuff. Yeah, it's fun. They're homecomings. They're like different sort of comedy flop houses in different cities where people just like comics are just hanging out and they have an open door policy more or less.

Wow. And it's like the underground comedy railroad, you know? Yeah. But I guess, cause I've like, I had a friend who years and years ago, who's like a traveling punk guy. And they had the same thing. They had like houses where you could just go and.

Oh yeah. There's punk houses in every city. Yeah. Like, yeah. Where you could just go and be filthy at this house. I don't think... I mean, the idea is not to do this forever. Like, certainly, it gets a little, you know, old.

The older I get. Yeah. But maybe it's... What if it's your thing? Like, just kind of bouncing around from city to city. That's a cool thing. Yeah. It's okay.

I think they're... It's fine. I enjoy it. I enjoy it. What is in the bag? We didn't actually find out. How close were we? How close were you?

No Tic Tacs. What? Like a book of Sudokus. No. Actually, what's really ridiculous is I had three notebooks worth of jokes. Cause I was like, I may want to tell this one joke from like a year ago. Right. And obviously it was totally, you know, unnecessary, but it's like, I don't know,

four t-shirts and four pairs of socks and three pairs of underwear and one pair of underwear which I enjoy sleeping in and things like this and like little things that you have to know how to reduce things. Like I have a really amazing, this toothbrush I have is really good. It's this kind of, which I can only find in a particular kind of, um, shot like drug, shop, like drug, shopper's drug store. What is that?

Like a pharmacy? Yeah, a drug store. Thank you. Yeah, a drug store, yeah. In Quebec.

And it has a little cap just for the brushes. Like a little cap. Oh, like a little hat. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. And it takes up so little space. And, like that, I don't mean to be, I don't mean to

like disclose all the things I've taken from people, but sometimes if you run out of toothpaste, that's okay because you'll stay at some place and they'll have a little toothpaste

and you know they're friends i think they're understanding of this i hope um maybe hey uh that guy he stole from us no it's like that guy hey that guy who voted most likely to steal from us stole from us the guy i told you would steal from us? I mean, it wasn't my, my, my father's heirloom watch, but it was

some paste. Not regular paste, tooth. But, but then I end up giving, like I end up spending the,

spending money then on like giving them things, like a nice little gift or something, you know? Right, right, right. So it comes back and that money is better spent in some communal way than to go to some hostel or hotel. That's true. The hostel's just going to waste it.

I don't know if I believe in community. And then when you do get a bed finally you feel it's so luxurious like today vancouver is like the last stop because i have family friends here right and they've like a home and nice food like they've probiotics and like good the good almonds you know things like this yeah i've been eating road almond Greyhound almonds Yeah Yeah no it's It's certainly a life I I fantasize about You know

Yeah I think you and I are a lot alike Let's trade for a week let's see how we each cope Yeah yeah Exactly I think when you come back All your toothpaste would be gone And I will have Slashed the throats of the community uh dave what's going on with you man well uh also travel related um i had have you

ever thrown up on an airplane i mean like from the outside onto an airplane. I'm so disgusted by this airplane. Purposely. No, yeah, I have. Yeah, it was gross, man. I did when I was maybe 10. Yeah. There were six people in my family, still are. And we had to use seven air sickness bags.

When you were 10? Yeah. Oh, man, that must have been most of your body weight, uh air sickness bags when you were 10 yeah oh man that must have been most of your body weight seven air sickness bags i mean you don't you don't fill them all but once they're soiled they're soiled did everybody have to like hey can i borrow your air sickness bag that kind of deal yeah community yeah exactly i see you too you believe in it. But a week and a half ago, I had to fly to Toronto for work. Yeah. And I was there two nights and I was super jet lagged the first night and like didn't fall asleep till four in the morning and had to wake up at seven. And then I went out, did work, hung out with some people from work, went to a restaurant, went back to my hotel room. Wayne Gretzky's? No, some my hotel room. Wayne Gretzky's?

No, some people did go to Wayne Gretzky's. Oh, really? I was either thinking Wayne Gretzky or Vermidialville Ties. You know what's across the street from Wayne Gretzky's now? In Toronto? No. Wahlburgers. Really?

Yeah. Ah. I couldn't convince anyone to go. Do you not know Wahlburgers? Mark Wahlburgs. Are you kidding me? Burger store. Really? Yeah. He and his brother. Yeah,berg's. Do you not know Wahlberg's? Mark Wahlberg's. Are you kidding me? Burger store. Really?

He and his brother. Yeah, Donnie. Donnie from the New Kids. I think it's mostly Donnie. I think Mark's doing too much. I think they maybe have another brother too. I also have never watched the show. No.

The reality show as well. In this, in our sedentary lives, we enjoy a type of entertainment. Motion picture? Yeah. Um, uh, but anyway, so the, the morning I had to go home, I woke up and I hadn't like gotten drunk or anything. Um, but I did have, I might've been, uh, uh, like just beer on tap. Oh yeah.

It did it to me, but I woke up and I just had like cramps in my stomach. Like I wasn't nauseous or anything. I was just like, well, these are weird. They hurt a lot. Yeah. I, am I right ladies? Yeah, exactly.

Um. Oh yeah. First, did you check to see if you'd switch bodies with a lady? I did. Huh? Huh? Huh?

It was, it was a Friday. Yeah. I was feeling freaky um and so i uh uh basically stayed in the hotel as late as i could and then got a cab to the airport and uh then i was like i might just like i was so out of sorts yeah my body felt so weird hadn't eaten anything, but I didn't want to eat anything. And, uh. There's that nice barrow in the Toronto airport. Did you think you were going to throw up eventually or sometime soon? I felt like I had, there was a window in the hotel room where I might and I didn't.

And I thought I was, it was behind me. All right. Okay. And then I'm waiting for the plane. I had something to eat. Plain yogurt. Yeah, that's what you want in your stomach when you're feeling sick. Well, I don't know.

Lactose? Yeah. This will put that fire out. What's milder than lactose? Get some bread. I had some bread as well. I had an airport sandwich. Oh, great. Yeah. Like turkey and bread, I think would be the whitest, finest, you know, plainest thing you could find.

There's two departure. It's in the same area of the airport, but there's one side that has like 10 great restaurants. And there's one side that has like what looks like. And then there's one side that has like, uh, what looks like a, you know, a bookshelf filled with sandwiches. So that's the side. And a sandwich librarian. Yeah. Did it occur to you to try to make yourself throw up?

Um, I don't like to do that. You'd rather throw up on a plane voluntarily? Well, I find it, uh, I find it very awful to throw up. My whole being fights it. Yeah. So then. Yeah, there is always too. There's a time when you feel like, you're like, is it going south or is it still coming north?

Because I was never nauseous. No. Like I was never. You were just in pain. Yeah. But it was, it was such an unfamiliar feeling. Yeah. And then, uh, oh, also like I was thinking back to what I had eaten the day before and

it was like, like, I'm pretty like visual. Yeah. Visceral. And I was like, uh, it's always a bad idea, but I can't get the thoughts out of my mind of like, oh, why shouldn't I have that chicken and waffles? Yeah. This octopus swimming in guacamole. And you're like, no, no. Was it that?

There's a, uh, our friend Taz Van Rassel. Yeah. He's currently in a commercial for Swiss Chalet. And I was like, it was on TV. And I was like, that looks disgusting, but good for you, Taz. Like I'm trying not to throw up. So I get on the plane. And I just start like right as it's taxiing.

You're like this, it's happening? It's, no, it wasn't. It was a slow burn. Oh. And, uh. Oh, man. So like for the 20 minutes that were on the tarmac, I'm just like feeling worse and worse. Can't do anything about it.

I'm sitting. Uh, have you ever hit the call button to call the lady? Yeah. Yeah. Uh, but only because. Because some jerk off beside me was throwing up. I'm sitting. Have you ever hit the call button to call the lady? Yeah, yeah. But only because. Because some jerk off beside me was throwing up. You know, I was like, can I move please? I'm in a plane here, you know.

Yeah, I expect better of my plane mates. Yeah, this isn't Greyhound territory. But I, yeah, so we take off and I'm like, I can fight this. I can totally fight this. Yeah. And I'm watching my watch and it's like, time is moving so slowly. And then they start, uh, and then I get out the bag. Yeah.

Like I have it on my knee. Yeah. And the lady next to me is noticing, and she is just like putting on, she's putting on the most disgusting, like pina coladas smelling hand lotion, which isn't helping anybody. Are you in the window? I'm on the window. Okay.

Okay. So I am trapped if anything goes down. Uh, but at least I can have a view. Do you feel like your stomach or your organs have a sense of that like no like uh you know your brain has decided this is gonna happen and then your stomach's like okay where do all systems go yeah totally maybe uh because sometimes when i'm traveling my system just shut down i'm like i'm not going to the bathroom for a day.

Yeah. Like we're not getting out of this seat. But yeah, I got a little bit of that sort of like mouth watery. Oh yeah, that's it. Can we stop discussing this in such detail? Because I think that the mind can in fact affect the lack of physical response. But what ended up happening is I didn't. I fought it for three hours. Wow. ended up happening is i didn't i fought it for three hours wow uh the woman next to me didn't say a word about me having the bag out the whole time and like

shifting in my seat and going uh yeah you're her story and then i was like why didn't when they finally brought around the drink cart it was like i'll just have ginger ale. Ginger ale cures this. Yeah. Why didn't I think of this earlier? Yeah. It did.

I was packing away yogurt. I was doing all this. Yeah. Yeah, ginger ale, absolutely. What a terrible ending to a story. I'm sorry. Oh, I'm happy. I'm happy that it didn't end up.

But while you were telling the story, I remembered a drinking thing from high school. Baseball hats used to be like, everybody wore them in high school. And I remember at a party, it was a kid that had drank too much and he was making a beeline for the bathroom. Yeah, I know where this ends up. But the bathroom was busy. So my friend grabbed a hat off of another friend's head and he said here throw up in here oh yeah as bad as i thought it was oh yeah yeah i thought it was gonna be his own hat but no it's another instance of

community yeah yeah exactly here use my hat yeah it was here take this guy's you're gonna spew spew into this oh boy see throwing up could be fun is what i'm saying um so uh yeah i made it i made it woof uh how are you i'm all right i didn't uh here's the thing that i did this week that i haven't done in years like years and years i haven't played uh video games like I don't play video games. Yeah. Not out of any reason. I just don't have them. Okay, sure.

And if I did, I would never leave the house or write a joke or do anything. Right. So, but I was bored and I read, I was like, what are games that you can just download to your computer that are fun? And so I went on a message board thing and I was like looking for like really well reviewed games. And so I found this game called Five Nights at Freddy's. And it is the scariest fucking game I have ever played in my life. It's up for your Macintosh? It's just for a computer.

It's any computer game. You have computer? I have computer. It's for a computer. Okay. But what it is, is it take, you're in the game. You're a security guard. Freddy?

No. You're at a place that's like a Chuck E. Cheese. Oh. And at night, the robots wander around the restaurant. Uh-huh. And if they find you, they think that you're a robot, and they try to stuff your body into a bear suit. What?

And so you can't, the whole game you're at the security desk, and you can look at all the different cameras in the restaurant and see if you can find where these things are and if they're getting closer to you. And, but without fail, every single time that you think like, whew, I'm safe. Then you come back from the cameras and one's standing right in the room with you and then it attacks you. And it's so fucking scary because I already found Chuck E. Cheese to be pretty scary. Do you know what I mean? Was there like a steep learning curve in this game? Because it's something you just found for the first time.

Yeah, this is something I found for the first time. And it has like an introduction that says like this is how, you know. So it's simple controls. Yeah, it's very simple. Like the game itself is very simple uh but it's also like and you have to survive five nights so it's there's a clock ticking down and then at five o'clock in the morning there's like you go like yay like you made it one night and then it's your next night's shift and you just kind of start all over again. But, oh, man.

I was playing it by myself. And they say, like, put on headphones. So it's super more, turn off the lights. So it's super, super scary. Yeah, it's totally intended to be scary. You're not just afraid of, like, a random fun game. Oh, Angry Birds made me piss my pants. And then I was like, so I played it.

I really, like I say, I haven't played video games, but I just couldn't get enough of this. Yeah. How long did you play for? All night. Five nights in a row. Yeah. I played it probably for like four hours straight, you know,

just like, because I never got tired of getting like scared. How did you feel when it was over? Uh, like when you play four hours of a video game. Oh yeah, man. I felt weird. It's bad for your, uh, uh, chakras. It felt weird all over. Like I couldn't sleep and, uh, but that's okay.

I couldn't sleep anyways. But then I really couldn't sleep. because I was like keyed up. That's also what I find very weird about the West Coast a little bit, that you wake up and you already have all these emails from the East Coast. I hate that feeling of like obligation the moment I wake up. Like you're already behind. Yeah. I know there are so many things to do.

And conversely, on the West Coast, if I'm feeling terrible at night, I can't phone people out East because they're asleep. Yeah, that's true. That's when you download Five Nights at Freddy's. Give yourself a good old-fashioned scare in the dark. Do you call a lot of people at night? I like the option of calling people at night. Right.

Yeah. I don't, like, I, everyone I know is here and I don't have that option people will be like why the hell are you calling me at 10 o'clock for you'd be like i'm scared of a game i downloaded this scary game um but then i was i wanted to know why this i was like i was like why hasn't anybody ever made a game like this before because i think those like animatronics are super scary in real life so it's a perfect idea for a nightmare thing and what it was was a guy this is such a crazy story he made a kid's game like a fun you know angry birds like game and uh the reviewers were so mean they were like these look like creepy dead-eyed scary creatures like he didn't

animate the creatures properly so they looked scary and uh so he fell into this huge depression and then uh he was gonna quit video game making altogether no but then but then the world needs video games he decided he was like well if they if they say that they make creepy things, I'll just make the creepiest game possible. And apparently it's like one of the best selling games. Really? Yeah. Oh, they got it for free. What's that? You got it for free though. No, I paid

money for it. I paid like $4 for it. Oh, okay. Yeah. I feel like at a dollar an hour, I got my money out of it. There's two sequels to it, too. And I'm too scared. Too scared to go into the sequel chapter. Will you go back to playing the game?

No. I think, you know, well, probably. Probably tonight when I go home. Now that I'm thinking of it. Yeah, it was a lot of fun. Yeah. I find it strange as a grown-up. To play games?

Yeah. Yeah. Me too. And I, like, no teenager can afford a 300 xbox 360 or whatever the new one is uh no that's true but unless they sell drugs that's kids kids out there listening and so it's like they're made for grown-ups yeah i i think so i was playing sega genesis not so long a couple days ago where i was staying at a friend's place. I haven't played in a long time.

And I just feel, as a kid, you don't have anything better to do with your time, really. Like, as an adult, you know that you can be forwarding your career, or you can be somehow, there are better things you can do. I mean, even, like, with your free time now, you could be sort of, like, looking at pornography. That's true. Or something that's, you know, I don't know. It just seems, I don't, anyway, that's. But in a perfect world, you know, you can combine all these things into one interactive experience.

I sometimes see posts of people, of men, who are like fathers, and they're like, find like creative ways to still play video games while having a child on them. And like, well, why don't you just skip the one thing? Stop fighting your being a grown-up but that's it like i i would because i used to like as a kid i love playing video you're a mad gamer yeah and then uh you know just yeah i think it is you can't you can't find the i mean i do have the time i waste a ton of time every day. Right. But, you know, I don't waste it in that particular venue.

But then when I was into this game, I was like, wow, four hours just went by like that. Like, I really just spent a lot of time on nothing. Like, it's not even. Yeah, I haven't played in a long time. And I just remember that feeling of like, I played too long. And like, I've wasted i the sun has gone down i haven't bothered to get up and turn on the lights in the room and just like yeah such a sickness yeah terrible feeling but i like the what the thing about this game was it's uh what

they call i learned in video games jump scares jump scares. That's what this thing does. So it's just, it's so super quiet, and then I think jumps on you. And it's scary every fucking time. So it's a video game based on those old email forwards of like, stare into this picture. Yes, yes. It's like, it's like. And those work on me, man.

Oh, yeah, they're the coolest. Wasn't there like, there there like a thing that went around where it was like you had to go through a maze? Oh, yeah. And while you were going through the maze, this zombie jumps out at you. It's a real jump scare. Yeah. Anyways, yeah, if anybody needs to kill four or five hours, you know. And four or five dollars.

Yeah. Yeah, you got a little bit of both. Yeah. Time and you got a little bit of both. Yeah. Time and money on your hands. But yeah, that's the first video game I played for a long time and I enjoyed the shit out of it. That's a nice thing to hear.

I don't like learning rules, though, to games. Like even board games, something like this. Yeah. Because I feel like it takes, it's going to take like four or five times playing this until I actually understand what's going on

and I can actually sort of assert my strategy or the way I understand how things and I don't have the patience for the time or the care that's my problem with cards is that I feel like there's always so many rules in poker or whatever really that's a social sorry go on no it is it's it is social but it's you know you have to know and the thing with poker is you never know if you're playing with somebody who takes it super seriously and then they're not having any fun while you're like what is this and that again i wonder why i'm good at poker all of a sudden you know what i mean well i mean yeah you have to find some own level for sure what game i really don't like is cards against humanity

you played this game you know i have yes it's this game where you you're how does it work can you i mean there's like i've seen people play it like it's a you get a bunch of cards that have possible punch lines to jokes basically and right you and then one joke setup comes up and it has a blank right and you have to pick whichever one will make, you think is the funniest. Wayne Gretzky's is the best. And then you put Blowjob. But it's the most heinous and outrageous stuff. And I was sitting. Well, it depends on who you're playing with.

But that's how the games are designed. Cards Against Humanity. Meaning, you know, it's like, it's something that's horrific. Right. Could we gamble on this? Is there a way to make a little scratch on this? You can gamble on anything, whatever you want. Okay.

If you're addicted, you can turn anything into a bet. I guess, but what would you say? I bet that I can make the most outrageous. So your problem with the game is that it's... I was sitting around, I played it at a comics house, and there are like four comics and then three other people, and I was like, this is just like work. Oh, yeah. I'm trying to be the funniest here, but within these limitations, like I can only choose of my five cards to complete this joke.

And like, it's a waste of my time. My problem with it is that it elevates the unfunny. It's like, we're not all funny. You just got dealt a better card. Oh yeah. Yeah. It's a, yeah, I don't, I don't ever play board games ever. But I go almost every week to this bar in Vancouver that's like a nerd hangout.

And everybody's playing that, Cards and Settlers of Catan. Make up a few. Botulism of yore and upstairs, downstairs. Okay. Watch your back. Oh. Yeah. Jumpscare alley.

Oh, that's the one with all the springs. All the monsters on springs. But didn't you have, wasn't there like a game that like you, it was on a timer and you had to like put pieces in it and then it exploded oh yeah what was that called minute to win it that was like a jump scare

is this real is it actually called that no but it was it was like shapes shapes yeah yeah it wasn't called shapes

yeah it had shapes it had shapes see I forgot that part you are visual it had shapes like a moon shape and a square and you had to put it in fast, and then it would tick.

Oh, yeah. I remember this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you didn't get it in time, it would explode. It would explode. But it was so scary. It would be, you would go, ah! Wouldn't it?

Yeah. Damn it! See, that's Five Nights at Freddy's. That's the computer version of that game. Oh, I want to play that. Yeah, yeah, the wind-up game. Yeah. Oh, man.

Yeah, okay. All right. Well, do you want to move on to Overheard? Yes, please. Hey, this is Pop Rocket. We're your source for all pop culture information. It's an intellectual and incredibly snark-filled discussion all pop culture information. Pop Rocket comes out every week from MaximumFun.org.

I listen to Bullseye because it is carefully curated to give me new things I should be listening to and new perspectives on why I like the stuff that I like. I like to pretend Jesse Thorne's outshots are my own thoughts and sound smart in front of my friends. During the darkest period of my life so far, Bullseye managed to remind me why I love music. Thanks, Jesse, and thank you, Bill Withers. Bullseye, your guide to what's good from MaximumFun.org and NPR. Overheard. Overheard is a segment in which we, as a people, as a community, go out there and listen to what's happening out there in the world.

We come back here, report it. What's going on, you know? And we always like to start with the guest. All right. So if you will, lead the charge. All right. Thank you. I'm going to go back to the ride show I had from Portland to Seattle.

Yes. Sitting in some hay, pickup truck, everyone's bags except for mine. Me and Bobby McGee. In the back, yeah, in the back cab or whatever. It's raining. No one else is complaining. I'm like, why are you complaining? Anyway, so one of them was talking about how she's like, yeah, there's this wonderful ceremony we do where you take like on the third eye.

We sit down and we like we drizzle oil all around the third eye until like you like you know it envelops your head and your and everyone was like right right right and then was like wait one question and the girl was like yes like what kind of oil do you use i was like what this is your what kind of oil like who and she was like she and it was oil never heard of like who that is the that is not the question you ask at that moment right motor motor if you can get it for it it's like are you out of your out of your mind like why anyway anyway so that's there's more but that also that'll that's my over i can yeah oh no too i mean expand if you like anyway i mean another one i didn't couldn't understand was that this girl's like i have this idea for like this this news program but what you do is you tell people how to get involved like you have to be proactive understand was that this girl's like, I have this idea for like this, this news program.

But what you do is you tell people how to get involved. Like you had to be proactive. Everyone's like, yeah. Everyone's like, yeah, I also had this idea. She's like, it's like, no. And it's like, it's like what you do is for instance, like, you know, normally just report the news, but here you report the news. And then you also say how you can get involved if you want to get involved.

Everyone's like, that's a great idea. It's like, no, it's a terrible idea. It's like, oh, like, oh, over in the, you know, the caliphate, like, you know, several people have been beheaded. It's like, if you want to get involved, depending on where you stand, you know, you can do this. You can join. You can write a, you know, like, who? Like, I want to go find those heads. It's the worst in telling you what you, what's going on.

It's telling you what you should do because of this. Well, that's your option. There's a number of news stories in a broadcast you can't get involved

with all of them. Yeah, and then they have a cute one at the end of the newscast about a puppy and you're like,

I want to get involved in this story. He befriended a chimpanzee. A kid whose dad dressed up like Spider-Man. Yeah, I want to get involved with Spider-Man and get a hug from that kid whose dad dressed up like Spider-Man. Yeah. I don't want to get involved with Spider-Man.

I want to get a hug from that kid's dad. What kind of oil was it, though? Did you find out? Yeah. I don't know. There were like nine kinds of milk and Portland and hemp. What temperature is the oil when they drizzle it? What were their parents doing?

That's what I want to know. That's my question. What do they have to go home to? Well, yeah. Their parents are knocking on the door. Hey, I noticed that my olive oil is missing from the kitchen cabinet. You also start pouring it on each other's third eye, aren't you? Also, put one of those shower caps on.

You're going to ruin your hair. And the bed sheets. It was painful. Because in that world, in that car, you are the one who's insane. You know? That could be the whole world when you get out. Yeah, when you get out and everyone's like, we need to get involved with these news stories.

The new get involved news network. And they're like, tell us a joke. And I was like, no. I want to remain friends. This is not a game because see now if i was doing what what you were doing traveling around i don't think i would tell people yeah because then i feel like instantly there would be a like that's that seems to be people's knee-jerk reaction. Tell me a joke. Yeah. It's like, well, I'm on the show. I understand I get a free beer. Tell me a joke.

Well, it's not going to work here. This happened after a show. It's one time a guy came late to the show. He was out drinking. He's like, you do the show? He's like, tell me a joke. I was like, uh, it's like, no, like this is not how it works at all.

And he almost got violent until this tiny girl, local, got in the way and separated things. Oh, wow. Yeah. He's like, does that happen with other forms of entertainers? Or are people like, sing me a song. Yeah, nobody. Juggle me a ball.

If somebody told me they could do something extraordinary, then I would kind of want to. Shoot a ping pong ball out of your vagina. You know, swallow a sword or something. Like, I'll be right back. I got something in my car. Yeah. And I think you can swallow. Can you swallow an ice scraper?

Yeah. Squeegee. Dave. Yes, I do have an overheard. Now, after I went to Toronto, like two days later, my whole family, my parents and my siblings and their kids and my kids and my wife, I don't have multiple kids. Do I? Uh, we all went down to Palm Springs, California.

And, uh, as I was waiting, uh, in the airport at the rental car, uh, lineup, I was, uh, waiting behind this woman who was wearing a t-shirt uh this isn't even the overheard but her t-shirt said it had a big like bullseye target on her back and it said god has my back aim here and uh the brand of the she. Was she talking to God? Who's supposed to aim there? Whoever, because God will protect her. Judas, that's it. And the brand of shirt, like the brand of clothing it was, was Sword of the Lord Warrior Wear. Wow. I think she was in the car with me. Now, is that like Under Armour?

Warrior Wear? No, I think it's more like, Warrior wear? Is it something that braids? No, it was just a cotton t-shirt. Okay. So it wasn't wicking away your sins? No, it was maybe like tap out. It was aggressive religious tap out gear. But she was talking to someone about what she was doing in Southern California.

And she said, well, my fiance is military, so we're going to a Price is Right taping. Right. That could cause an effect. I think that's the only people who go to Price is Right tapings are military, people in school. Yeah, yeah, somebody from UCLA.

And old people. Yeah, immigrants. My grandmother. No, my grandmother's... That wasn't one of them. Yeah, no, no. She won. I have a relative who won like a washer and dryer on Price is Right.

Really? Yeah, like in the 60s in LA. Wow. Yeah. Does she still have it? Well, she's passed. Okay. Did she hand it down?

I think it's with her. It would have been a conversation piece. Like if I, yeah, if you won something on a game show. Yeah. Yeah. Bob Barker gives you a washer dryer. That's in your living room. Is your clothing dry?

You know why it's dry? Your clothing is dry? Yeah. There was a, like, what do you call it? Like on Reddit, the ask me anything thread. And there was a guy who had his car pimped out on pimp my ride and uh then there was a bunch of other people that sounded in who were also people who had their cars and uh for for the most part like all the stuff they did on the car

was all cosmetic right they didn't really fix like so if it had a bad engine so like a lot of these cars just wouldn't run because it had a bad engine and now weighed three times as much well that's what pimps do i think as well they just dress up the girls you know like now they're they're they're healthy and emotionally that's true they don't help them on the inside yeah interesting it's changing my view on pimps yeah all of a of a sudden. Pimps, not good? Wait a minute. Yeah. But then there was like, wasn't there a thing that there was like a fish tank and it was sealed and the fish died in it? Yeah.

Within a day. But also sometimes they would put things in, film the thing and then take them out. Oh, that's not cool. So there were like TV screens and stuff and they'd be like well no you're not taking those let's just i'm just showing what i could do complaining like people who like volunteer this reality it was just like uh because on the show the way that it was presented did you ever see this yeah yeah so it seemed like it was took place over a week or something okay right but it's actually their car would be in the shop for up to eight months.

Oh, wow. Yeah. And they didn't give a loaner car. So there were guys that were like, yeah, I was taking the bus and stuff. These are totally pimps. These are pimps. Yeah. There were men were coming by to have sex with the car.

Yeah. So anyways, yeah. So I wonder if there's like an equal thing that happened a price of right yeah well there's like oh yeah wasn't there like a lot a lot of lawsuits no there's like bob barker tax like well yeah well bob barker is with his what do they call the show girls what do they yeah uh barker's beauties yeah um and what are they called now that they're true carries carries cuties oh there you go that was that was super easy um but yeah the big thing i think is like tax because if you win a uh thirty thousand dollar car although i don't think they get i think they can wait ten thousand dollar cars you then have to pay like $4,000 on it.

Oh yeah. Then and there. Yeah. Before you can drive it home. Yeah, because wasn't that the thing with

when Oprah gave away all those cars? Oh yeah. People got dinged with the tax or whatever. Well, you can, I mean,

let's say you borrow money from a bank and you pay the tax and you sell the car. Ah, there you go. Look at this system. Why are we wasting our time? Yeah, the money from a bank and you pay the tax and you sell the car yeah there you go look at this system why are we wasting our time now yeah we should open a bank yeah just for winners of like these uh you know they had anyway that's our collateral yeah yeah yeah yeah i just won uh dinette set what can i get for that nothing get out of my bank yeah yeah i don't know how

banking works no well if the less we know the better i know let's just leave it up to the professionals they've got it under control they podcast okay though so yeah that's the conflict you know yeah the bank coming into this world they're coming to this world oh yeah you have to find your you know what are the big banking podcasts well Totally Down with TD. Yeah, sure. Doug Loves Mortgages. Can It Be Cool with CIBC.

Wow, that was very, wow. Yeah, thanks. Can It Be Cool. Do you have an overheard? Yeah. I was on the bus and it was uh the the buses here uh will have uh the longer kind of accordion buses have uh a couple doors that uh you're only supposed to exit through uh-huh they're not entrances you're supposed to get on at the front of the bus and pay the uh pay you the money yeah and uh so we were stopped and uh there was a squeegee dude that knocked on the window like for me to open

the door for him to illegally get on and i gave him like a no sir and so then he he kept doing like he kept trying to communicate with me like no no, dude, come on, be cool. And I was like, I am being cool. I'm the coolest. And then he snuck on the front of the bus. And he reported you. There's somebody who's totally not cool at the back of his bus. He got on the bus and then he was behind an older guy and they were having some sort of

altercation and i didn't hear what started it but at one point i pulled out my earbuds to hear what was going on and the squeegee guy said we can get out at the next stop and the old guy just went no but the old guy totally started it whatever the fight. I think it's because the squeegee guy smelled really bad. I think that's what the old guy was saying. And didn't pay to get on. Yeah, that was also true. But anyways, that was my adventure. These are bus people.

No, intercity is worse, I think, than city. Oh, it depends. Yeah, that's, well, because you don't need need you can have zero dollars and get on a city bus but they won't let you do that on greyhound you at least gotta have some yeah you know the wherewithal to have a ticket because they won't let like there's no greyhound drivers like nah get on yeah it's fine sneak on you're willing to stand from here to st louis it's a different weirdness though it's a different weird weirdness of having nothing and going between places. That's a confusion.

Yeah. No, you're right. I don't know. Now, we also have overheards that have been sent in by people from around the world. If you want to send one in to us, you can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org. This first one comes from Adam in Pensacola, Florida. I was at the playground with my two-year-old son burning off a big Denny's breakfast. Brag.

Yeah. Right? Insert brag here. When a blonde boy in a Spider-Man muscle shirt emerged from a tube near the bench where I was sitting, glancing at me, he then turned his head, made his left hand into a gun shape, made a shooting sound effect, and said, I have a website. Pretty good. What does the blonde have to do with this? You know, just setting the scene. Yeah.

He's a toe-headed kid. All right. That's prejudice. Oh, do with this? You know, just setting the scene. He's a toe-headed kid. I like this prejudice. Oh, do you think? Do you think it was prejudice against blonde people or against everybody else? Against the blonde. Why are only... Correct me if I'm wrong, but

it's only female blondes who are portrayed as stupid. Well, I feel like male blondes would be like surfer dudes, right? Because women dye their hair blonde, and men tend not to do that. I think a certain type of woman does. I don't know. I'm just making.

No, yeah. I bet you're right. It's not a stock answer I have, but like. If you'd say a blonde joke, it's automatically denoted that it's a woman like maybe the maybe the you know analogous male would be like the guy with like the guns and the and like the huge biceps and the muscle shirt uh yeah yeah they never portrayed as smart i yeah i i think it's sexism it's what i think yeah oh it's not no it's not? No, it's not. All right, yeah. I'm going to Y. We'll figure it out.

This next one comes from Matt F. Hi. In Toronto. I think it's Matt Frewer. I might know him. The guy who plays Max Hedrum? Yeah, that's who it is. Okay.

Good guess. I wasn't going to say his last name, but that's who it is. it is okay good guess i wasn't gonna say his last name but that's who it is um uh so this is an overheard from a plane going from toronto to edmonton my friend and i were sitting on the aisle seat and the middle seat the window seat was empty the plane was pretty empty so it looked like it would stay that way you know that feeling? Where you're like, oh yeah, we're gonna be able to spread out But just before we pulled away from the gate A guy in his mid-forties with gray hair comes on Carrying a skateboard

And says, hey dudes, looks like I'm sitting next to you He moved pretty soon after to a completely empty road. We were still within earshot while we heard him make a phone call just before takeoff. He says, Yo, do you have any weed? Pause.

Well, can you get any? Pause. Does he work at the airport. What are the odds if he does? That would work out so awesome, man. No deal. Yeah, then he skateboards from the airport into downtown Edmonton. Oh, man.

Yeah, he can get some weed. Well, my buddy air traffic controller tony can yeah he works at the airport oh cool is there security is it ageist to uh suggest that skateboards are from just for kids not anymore i mean well no wait i guess they just but yeah they're not anymore no do you think they're for adult dudes? Well, like skateboarders, like the early skateboarders are now 50 or 60. Isn't the real question, does it matter if it's ageist? Yeah, I don't know.

Maybe. That's got all the right questions. This last one comes from Peter B. in Edmonton. This happened decades ago. Okay. Um, this last one comes from Peter B in Edmonton. Um, this happened decades ago. Okay. Uh, but it's still the greatest thing I've overheard. Well, there was a 13 year old holding a skateboard.

I was at a Broadway musical, uh, called A Chorus Line. Mm-hmm. Uh, a musical about people in Broadway musicals. The show starts with a big musical number about the auditions. The song is called God, I Hope I Get It. Oh, yeah. It's about five minutes long. Maybe a minute in, this old guy behind me lets out this huge groan as if he has a stomachache.

And he says, ugh, too much singing. Then every time a new song starts he lets out another or a full too much singing every song the acting parts yeah too much singing which i knew that guy and it's not not even a play that you could go into thinking there wouldn't be. It's called a chorus line. Yeah. You couldn't, there wouldn't just be like monologues. Yeah, it wouldn't be like Oklahoma where you'd be like,

I gotta get out of here. We're going to spend this part talking about the singing. We're resting our voices because we're singers. Too much singing. We're resting our voices for a're singers. Too much singing. We're resting our voices for a time later when there will be... You won't be around for it, but we're going to sing after. Yeah, you can stay. You're all free to stay.

But in the meantime, God, I hope I get it. Now, in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328. Like these people have. Hi, Dave and Graham. It's Ryan from Victoria calling. I was just out on a run, and I went past this giant storage bin. And on the side of the storage bin, there was spray-painted these three words.

Big Texas Comer. And I thought I would share that with you. Now I'm going to go home. I lied before. I wasn't on a run. I was walking. Bye. The best part.

Everything's bigger in Texas, right? But is it Big Four Texas? Like, is it Big Cummer Four Texas? Oh, yeah. Like, even by Texas standards, I'm still a pretty big comer. Can you call him back? Is my curiosity. Not now.

Okay. But later, I will. All right. Like, after a chorus. It's the ambiguity, which was so hilarious about that, you know, that what he oversaw. And I also like that it. Also a comer. Yeah, pretty good.

All right. Here's your next phone call. Hey Dave and Graham, this is Greg from Omaha calling in an overheard. The other day I was walking to work and I walked by my neighbor's house and a window on their upper floor was open and I heard from the window this song. It went like this. Let it go, let it it go I love my mom and then after the song had concluded a rope made out of bedsheets came tumbling out of the open window and a little girl looked out at me and then pulled the rope back up. I don't know what the story was.

I don't know what the story is either, but God, I hope she gets it. Almost none in Texas, is it? Well, it's... Because I had that fantasy when I was a kid of tying together bed sheets and climbing out the window. I think we all did, didn't we? Well, I saw it happen in movies, but I never had the fantasy. kit of tying together bed sheets and climbing out the window i think we all did didn't we well i saw it happen in movies but i never had the fantasy it seemed like a sure fall like i'm not good with

knots no that's true bad with knots and also uh the bed sheets they can't be like ones that have rubber yeah they're fitted one yeah yeah and i never used a flat sheet oh no i didn't know my way around the linen closets to begin with also i had easy access to the front door it sounds like he was like staying there for a long time like but it seems like he was like waiting and looking and that well he wanted his little girl's eyes yeah that's what i find little perverse oh so you think like she she saw him and then was like, I'm not running away today? It seems to me the way he told this is that there was a lot of time between the end of that song and then the throwing out of the clothing. And then, yeah, it was like he was way he wanted something from this experience.

Well, I don't disagree. We can call him back. We'll call him back later. Hey, Greg from Omaha, you a creep? No, Greg's cool. Here is your final. Also, I've never seen those bedsheets in real life. Like, I've only seen them in movies and TV shows.

Like, I've never seen anyone actually make a rope. Oh, you mean like a bedsheet escape rope? Yes. Yeah, no. I've seen bedsheets. You live a privileged life you know so oh yeah i guess i don't see it i mean i see them as nooses a lot yeah i guess if they were good enough to climb out a window you could totally use them as a suicide tool totally in a

lot of ways climbing out a window is suicide yeah i guess especially if you're not good with but it seems like a very kid like a not good with knots. But it seems like a very kid, like a thing a kid would come up with. It seems like something you would do to sneak out of your dorms

at private school or whatever. Yeah. Boarding school. Yeah. Maybe she was like some, anyway, some like terrible,

like she had a horrible home life. No, she loved her mom. She was singing that song. No, no, she was trying to escape. Maybe like this guy prevented this girl from like a better life you know who knows now i think she's all right she's good she's seen frozen a lot of

kids maybe she was gonna go join isis that's something a lot of kids who might judge you know you know they're getting involved they're watching the news yeah exactly exactly oh yeah what if you were watching a news story you're like i'm gonna go fight for the other side i didn't know something i could do you know i just thought what about well like the weather portion watching a news story, you're like, I'm going to go fight for the other side. I didn't know there was something I could do. You know, I just thought. What about, like, the weather portion of the news? How do you get involved in that? Weather machine? Some kind of ray that blocks out the sun?

No, you can set up your own weather balloon. What is my idea? Come on. Oh, I mean, you are the messenger. Do we not shoot the messenger? Isn't that the expression? Yeah, please shoot the messenger. The messenger always shoots twice. I don't know what things are.

Here's the final overheard. Hi, guys. This is Lauren in Portland, Oregon, and I haven't overseen. I just saw a Honda Odyssey with a license plate that read Iliad. Thanks, guys. Oh, an ah.

Oh. Yeah, very clever. The classics. Yeah. I wouldn't even, I wouldn't know a Honda Odyssey if it ran over me. I think they're the big square ones.

Okay. All right. Do we want to make jokes about, like, never getting home and things like this? Or, like, I don't know. I don't know.

Oh, yeah. What, with your life? This podcast is over. Have you heard of that new Jennifer Lopez movie that came out like a month ago? Oh yeah. The Boy Next Door? The Boy Gives Her a First Edition of the Iliad? Yeah.

Really? Yeah. A first edition? Yeah. What does that even mean? It's not, it's not existed. It was something a dumb screenwriter wrote nobody fact-checked yeah oh my god but that means that at every step of

that production right up until the the guy editing it the publicity department everybody had to see this movie and all agreed yeah that's fine that's a thing that and like before even before it came out a reviewer was like it should be noted at the very top of the review they think uh there's a first edition of the ilia a book that's thousands of years old the guy says i bought it for three dollars at a garage sale yeah they were like if this book existed it would be worth a billion dollars signed by homer hey keep your eye on the ball oh my god this is terrible i don't know was it homer blind yeah that's pretty good uh um just him with signing copies yeah what's your name i think it was also oral i thought i

think was it not an oral yeah well that's like but it was obviously just somebody who like googled a book it was like oh it's a fancy old book googled fancy old book oh and then she's a i'm gonna google fancy old she's a professor I'm going to Google fancy old book. She's a professor. She goes, she instantly recognizes it as a first edition. Oh, no. All right. Fancy old book. Yeah, what's the first thing that comes up?

Pinterest. Yeah. Oh, fancy Nancy. Nancy Clancy Super Sleuth. Oh, that sounds fun. First edition. Where'd you find this?

By Homer. Now, this podcast comes out when? Easter Monday. Easter Monday. The first Monday in April.

Oh. So, do you have things that you would like to plug? Yeah, I got an album coming out. Okay. Yeah. When does that come out? I mean, I released plug? Yeah, I got an album coming out. Okay.

Yeah. When does that come out? I mean, I released it last year, but I got picked up by a record label in the States called Stand Up Records. Okay. And I mean, I don't know. A lot of good comics have been on this, like Stan Hope and Maria Bamford and David Cross and all these nice people were picked up by these guys, you know?

So it comes out, I think early April. It's going to be out very soon. It's called It Was Okay. It Was Okay. Is it going to be, it's like an iTunes deal or is it going to be directly? It's an iTunes and physical. It's audio. It's a video.

It's really beautifully shot. Yeah. And I would buy it, but I have a daughter. Oh my God. Will you drive me somewhere? We can make a deal. But that's what it is. It was okay.

Like, you know, it's a good, it's really, it's anyway, it's, you know, anyway, it's okay. It's good. This is a downward pitch. And I got a weird little podcast of my own. Oh, cool. It's called, I have a Problem with David Hetty. Right. And I basically invite people on who have a problem with me.

And they tell me what they don't like, something I may have done, a character trait. Has there been any overlap? Like, do a lot of people just find one problem with you? It's just one. Oftentimes, it's one incident. Like, they try to illustrate at least a character trait by one thing. Like one time, for instance, I, uh, in some weird roundabout way, I came to the possession of a friend's couch. Sure.

Who doesn't? Yeah. No, they were like, they couldn't get it through the front door, but I live nearby. It was in a U-Haul. They had to return the U-Haul within like two hours. So I took possession of it. And then when it came time for like, they could take it back, I didn't want to give it back.

I've had this exact situation. Are you serious? Yeah. Where a friend was moving and he couldn't use this couch. Right. So he gave it to me and I kept it, but then he asked for it back. And I'm like, but I've integrated it into my life now.

Well, he used different language. He said he took possession of it. You said the guy gave it to you. That's true. Different language. But this is what's interesting about it. It's that it's like these sort of like ethically ambiguous circumstances. And then we parse it out and there's like argumentation and discussion.

You know, everyone tries to defend their own point of view. Yeah. So, but everything's at davidaheddy.com. So there's like argumentation and discussion you know everyone tries to defend their own point of view yeah so but everything's at davidahetty.com so there's lots of stuff there at H-E-T-I yeah yeah well thank you very much

for being our guest this is a super this is really fun oh good thanks for having me thank you yeah I hope

you know it's a nice time for you as well yeah we had we had a great time it was fine good enough I mean you know

Dave's under the weather you know he could have been a little bit better. You know, I could use some of that five nights at Freddy time to get some sleep. You know, be a bit more clear eyed. Oh boy. Maybe it's a cold like the hiccups. Can you scare yourself out of having a cold?

Yep. Doctors, that's the cure for the common cold. But doctor, big pharma doesn't want you to know. Oh, right. Hey, Graham. Yeah. Ah! Now for the common cold. But Dr. Big Pharma doesn't want you to know. Oh, right. Hey, Graham. Yeah. Ah! Now I have your cold.

If you like the podcast, I mean, you got this far, why wouldn't you like it? Head over to MaximumFun.org to check out the blog recap of the podcast, pictures and videos relating to the content of this episode. What will we have spoken about? Five at freddy's for sure yeah five freddy's rapture stars guitars what is that it's rapture it's blondie uh wayne gretzky's in toronto is always oh yeah or or wall burgers maybe um if we can find a picture of uh you know i don't know something spider-man i think we talked about him at some point odyssey yeah sure oh yeah yeah any first editions of the odyssey we can scrounge up um i also we we this is the first um well it's the second episode after the Max Fun Drive. That's right, yeah.

But we recorded that episode before the Max Fun Drive started. So I just want to thank everyone who donated. And we love making the show, and we love that you all love it. We love love. And yeah, it's such a warm, caring environment, and it's often weird to have to ask for money. Yeah, but see, you do. Thanks for coming through.

That's a community. We're part of a community. I mean, yeah. You're the Grinch who found community. Oh, sure. I'm the Grinch who canceled community. No, no. People love that show for some reason.

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