Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 371 - Kevin Banner

Episode Date: April 27, 2015

Kevin Banner returns to talk train rage, theme parties, and Winnipeg convenience stores.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 371 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who you may be right, he may be crazy. Mr. Dave Shumpert. But it just might be a lunatic you're looking for.

That's right. The theme to... The theme to a TV show based on Dave Barry's books's books starring harry anderson dave's world man i can't believe you remember that that's i mean it has your name in it oh yeah of course uh and it was around the time of wayne's world so i the the title dave's world had crossed my mind before there is a new radio station in vancouver that really that well it's an old radio station and but about six months ago they changed their format to we're gonna play like the 70s no 60s 70s 80s and 90s yeah uh uh maybe 60s 70s uh but uh uh classic rock, but a little poppier.

Right. A little bit of disco and like singer-songwriter-y stuff. And they play Billy Joel's It's Still Rock and Roll to Me, like, on the hour. That's how you know traffic's coming. Yeah, on the ones. And our guest today, returning guest, very funny comedian, Mr. Kevin Banner.

Gentlemen. Hello. Let's broaden our minds. Lawrence. That's the opening to Prince's Party, man. I was at a bar after working with Phil Hanley

at the Comedy Mix last month and they were playing that on a gigantic screen, and I would have left so much sooner if I didn't have to sit there and do all of the dialogue for everybody because they were just playing club music. Right. Hey, Eckhart, think about the future.

And then he turns around with his face and he gets shot. It was great. Yeah, before we get to NOS, what's everybody's favorite obscure line from the original Batman movie? The 1989 one? Yeah. Because that one's pretty good. I like the one where Robert Wool is in there.

Oh, yeah. And he just jokes, hey, can I get a grant? And then as Bruce Wayne's leaving the room, he's like, give him a grant. Mine's also Robert Wool, and and it's uh who king of the wicker people nice what's your favorite robert wool wine oh i don't know i don't know uh from arliss i just like uh where jack nicholson says to that that creepy dude that is Bob. You're my number one guy. He's massaging his shoulders.

That line for, oh, better part of a decade. I thought he was saying, you are my number one and I. Because if you go back, and it's not crazy, but if you go back and listen to it, he's like, Bobby, you are my number one. A guy. But I was a kid. I got it. But I was a kid.

I was six. So until I was able to drive a car, I thought he said number one and I. But it was on your driver's test. Let's get to know us. Get to know us. Can we just talk about Tim Burton's Batman batman yeah no i mean absolutely um i say he'll weigh a little more than 108 uh oh yeah right uh man that was her last hurrah oh no maybe la confidence uh eight mile eight mile is a uh is is literally her last hurrah.

Because that was some rough stuff. I think at the time people were like, yeah, this is a real, it's not your average music movie. They really went there. Yeah. It's Eminem will live to act again, be it in the Stan video. Yeah. Everybody said he was so good, and then he was never in another thing. Good for him.

Same with Howard Stern. He was in that one movie, and people were like, he's really good. And it's like, yeah, but. He's playing himself. Yeah, yeah. And not even like a distant version of himself, like playing himself, modern era him. Right? And I guess maybe a little past.

Yeah, he did like yeah college howard stern uh more biopics should have the actual person that's why selma didn't get any oscars that's why they have to keep remaking the steve jobs biopic because they can't get them just right well that's why my friend chris would never watch the johnny cash movie because he said johnny cash didn't have a hair lamp. Oh, man. He's a stickler for details. Yeah.

And he was never married to Reese Witherspoon. This whole movie is a farce. I think of that as like a recent movie, but it came out 10 years ago. Wow. It did? Maybe nine. Wow. Holy man.

Yeah. And it wasn't good. But it got a lot of Oscar buzz and stuff. It was fine. It. Holy man. Yeah. And it wasn't good. But it got a lot of Oscar buzz and stuff. It was fine. It was perfectly fine. It was fine, but the one that made fun of it is Better Walk. Oh, Walk Hard? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, that's its claim to fame is that it inspired Walk Hard. Yeah. So what's new and exciting, Mr. Peter? What are our favorite lines from, uh, walk the line? Uh, I don't know. Isn't there a scene where he's talking to Elvis? Yeah.

And Elvis goes chili fries. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. My buddy, uh, Jimmy, this is all, everything I say is going to be prefaced with one of my buddies. Yeah. Uh, my buddy, Jimmy, the new, he didn't believe me.

Guess where he's from. My buddy, Bob Sacramento. Believe me. Guess where he's from. My buddy Bob Sacamano. He didn't believe me when I was going like, walk hard. And he just thought I was making fun of Johnny Cash or something. Then he saw the commercial and he lost his mind.

Because he didn't think it was a real thing. But is there a song called Walk Hard? Yeah. Does it go like that? It goes like, Walk Hard. Now, you were telling us upstairs that you're currently having a beef

with a newspaper. Wait a minute. Wasn't the movie Walk the Line? Yeah, but the make fun of Yeah, but is there an actual Johnny Cash

song called Walk Hard? Oh, of course not. No, no, no, no, no. But as I established his nickname, Jimmy the Noof. Classic behavior. So I don't know if you want to recount the story. Sure. Are you afraid of the valley voice?

I am not afraid of the valley voice. Kiss my earlobes. They don't- sorry, I'm. This is a family show. I try to be a gentleman on this show. I can't come on here talking about horse abortions and whatnot. Listen. Dumpster donkeys.

Dumpster donkeys. Yeah, dumpster donkeys and whatnot. Oh, remember that time you said that about that person, Graham? Anyway. I did not. I am not as judgmental and terrible as you, but. Yeah, so there was this, uh, I did a show like, uh, a year ago with Charlie Demers and Jeff Yu.

And. Jeff Yu. Jeff Yu, right? Imagine, imagine. Uh, anyway, uh, yeah, so, uh, I, I saw that they had posted, uh, the review of this on, on, uh, this website. A year later.

A year later. Somebody sent it to me the other day. You're not constantly Googling yourself? No, barely. Uh. I do. Graham Clark later. A year later. Somebody sent it to me the other day. You're not constantly Googling yourself? No, barely. I do. Graham Clark plus Chilliwack equals Trula forever.

We can talk about your awesome, fun time out in Chilliwack too. But yeah, so I get this, I get this email and I was like, oh yeah, so I

look at this article and they've transcribed like two thirds of the article is just a transcription of my act. Which is great to have. Yeah.

What comic doesn't want that out there? To send as a calling card. If you like these jokes in print. So I sent a very. That's how they used to have to. They booked the Tonight Show based on a like a telegram of your material. I sent a very gentlemanly email. And I just said, oh, hello, I'm just writing in hopes that I could get the following article removed from your website.

There are large portions of my acts written out, my act written out, and I'd really appreciate it if you could take it down. Thank you, Kevin. Yeah. So I get a reply. You come storming in the door. Yeah, with a very polite in your face email. I didn't know. And that's not in-your-face banner.

Graham's seen that. We got in power fights. No, I know. I'm joking. It was very, very polite. We'll loop back to that. So then I get an email, Kevin, your entire act is available on YouTube. That's where it's taken from.

You don't get to call the shots, my friend. No, I'm sorry it won't be removed. Best. Which I assume is just like a, see you later. Not their name. But, uh, so then. I'm picturing a J Jonah Jameson. When they say, uh, you don't get to call my, the shots, my friend.

Do you think they really want to be your friend? Yes. No, no, no. It was sincere and not at all douchey. Um, and so then I said, uh, well, that was, I replied classy. Thank you. And then I get an email well, I replied, classy, thank you. And then I get an email back, ditto, you should be thanking us.

So I said, well. We made you in Chilliwack. You clearly don't understand and your hostility is puzzling. And so then I get an email back, of course, what hostility? You demanded to remove the story. I know I fucking really came in and pounded my fist on your desk.

Would you mind? You demanded to remove the story and we know I fucking really came in and pounded my fist on your desk. Would you mind? You demanded to remove the story and were told that you don't get to call the shots, quote, my friend. You need to go to Merriam-Webster's and look up the definition of that word. Which word was it? I'm not sure.

I guess hostility. Now you're blocked, so we won't be getting any more of your emails. Best. I bet you they're not. I bet you they're secretly, you're not blocked. So we won't be getting any more of your emails best. I bet you they not, I bet you they secretly you're not blocked. Yeah. They got to check their junk.

Well, I hope I'm not blocked because I did end up sending another message. And let me just pull that one up. Did you really? I said, oh yeah, I said, quote, you should be thanking us. Yeah. What entertainer doesn't dream of having their act transcribed by a hack writer who will never escape Chilliwack's regional rag? That's a pretty good Merriam-Webster. That's as nice as, like, I was trying to be nice and gentlemanly, and I'm just like, I'm not going to turn this into a banner rage thing, because that's kind of my go-to.

But you were furious. Furious. My hands were shaking. I was in the lunchroom at my office at work and my hands were just shaking how often a week jello in your hand was just jiggling like falling off the spoon like in jurassic park uh do you have uh would you say that you rage like once a week no no no no it's once a month no no no it's like a daily once a brush my teeth, lose my mind over something. Yeah.

The expensive toothpaste. No, I think most of my, most of my rage is, is road rage. I got to deal with that a little bit, but. Do you drive every day to work? No, I take the train. So, which makes it really awkward. Yeah.

I almost got, I almost got. In a fight with a train. Well, no, not a train, but. Yeah. I almost got, I almost got, uh. In a fight with a train. Well, no, not a train, but a guy. And maybe he could have been, he could have been nicknamed the train. He was larger than I expected when he got out of his car. But, uh, I was, I was walking home from work, walking on the train and, uh, it was like a corner of a street and Georgia. I don't know streets well. Sure. And this, this guy is kind of looking down Georgia

to the left, like towards a stadium, like he's going to try and turn on the red light, but we still have like the, the white walkie guy. Yeah. And so I'm starting to walk out and he's looking and he almost runs over my foot. And so, and then he stops. I just tapped his window and I get around, tap

and knocked it. I'm not going to lie. Listen, listen, stop podcasting yourself fans. I'm not going to lie. Listen, listen, stop podcasting yourself fans. I'm not going to lie to you. I respect you too much. Did you, did you change your original email to make you sound nicer? Yeah. It was listen up you dumpster donkey.

I, uh, your publication is a real horse abortion. There you go. All right. Uh, four more and I get my check. Now, uh, from dumpsterdonkeys. Four more and I get my check. Now. From dumpsterdogies.com? From planned horse parenthood? So I'm trying to, anyway, so I loop around his car and he starts to get out and I hadn't expected

that. You know what I do in that situation if I'm that guy? Yeah. I lock my door. So I'm walking, I'm halfway across the crosswalk and i turn back and i see him and he's yelling something at me but i've got my uh earbuds he's swinging the car around over his head

so i pull my earbuds out just in time to hear and say fat ass and i'm like all right well i mean i've dealt with that before so i uh i just I learned how to fucking drive, you know, your basic, uh, shit talk and somehow, and I've never had this thought before and I've never, uh, said this out loud before,

but I thought at the moment that it was a great insult to yell at him, go fuck your wife. She was standing on the side of the street four o'clock in the afternoon on a Thursday. And yeah, go fuck your wife. And in the middle of all this chaos, I hear a lady on the corner go, Ah! Yeah. That's a great insult.

Go fuck your wife. Maybe I will. Other than that, I've only had two Sort of like Altercations with people Since I moved to Vancouver And I think that's pretty good That's pretty good

The other one I told I beeled a guy off the sky train You what a guy? I grabbed him by his backpack And threw him To the earth And But where did the word

Beel come from? Beel Beel toss I don't want to say Where it came from I don't want to turn this Into another wrestling podcast.

Oh, I see. I kind of threw the guy. And I keep looking for it on YouTube because I was getting, uh, we pull up to the, to the Broadway city hall and, uh, there's these two ladies in their mid sixties standing right by the door. On YouTube under the, the go fuck your wife guy

strikes again. Yeah. Go fuck your wife guy Beal. Yeah, go fuck your wife guy Beal's a dude. Well, I do. I look up. I've been looking up like bad guy rage

plus Sky Train plus Canada Line stuff like that. Yeah. But there was this kid standing, a kid. All right, listen. He was probably

somewhere between the age of 17 and 24. I'm not good with estimating, but he was probably somewhere between the age of 17 and 24. I'm not good with estimating, but, uh, he was somewhere in there and, uh, his buddy is like standing there with a camera. I can see that as we're filming, like he's got a sizable camera. And, uh, as the doors open, the kid just bursts through the door. Like the doors open just the width of his body. It hasn't opened all the way.

And he burst through and hits these old ladies and they both like gasp. Like, ah, that's what a gasp sounds like. And, and, uh, like they were just trying to fuck with people.

So I grabbed him by his backpack and I threw him to the ground. And, uh, did people cheer when you did? Well, here's the thing about that, Graham. No,

uh, I was expecting, uh, these ladies to be like my hero. You just, uh, you just saved us from this. Uh, do you throw him to the ground? He's probably 15 and a half, but. You threw him to the ground or you threw him off the train? Both.

Okay. I threw him to the ground off of the train. And, uh, I thought that the ladies would be like, thank you for helping us with this nuisance. And they were terrified. Yeah. They're like, oh, now we're trapped on the train with this monster. Oh no, he's going to pick us up and carry us

out the outside of the Empire State Building. Um, did, after you threw him to the ground, did the train leave or was there like still 10 seconds of wait time? Oh yeah. Of like, uh. No, uh, well, there was like the little bit, I wasn't sticking around to find out how things turned out, but yeah, no, he got up and like him

and his buddy, like kind of, well, his buddy, like just darted into the train on another door and he kind of looked at me like, oh no, I didn't think that was a possible thing that could happen. But, uh. I hope he got the shot. Yeah. I hope he got it all.

In the chest? No, no. Got the, got the, filmed it and everything. Oh yeah. Well, I keep looking, but nothing. How long ago? Maybe I'm going to start looking Vimeo. Uh, it was probably a year ago.

Looking Vimeo. I got to check on Vimeo, man. People aren't putting epic fails on Vimeo. People are putting documentaries about dying industries, like sign painting and haberdashery. Yeah. And bum fights. Yeah. But for the most part, all of of my like any of my like physical

altercations with people are always wrong like it's me trying to do the right thing and like defend somebody else right and then uh and then having it kind of backfire but like the class you beat up a guy who you think is robbed a guy but he's just on a movie set yeah and it's his make a wish to be on a movie set you beat up a make-a-w guy but he's just on a movie set yeah and it's his make a wish to be on a movie set and you meet up a make a wish kid who's dressed like a robber

that type of thing I slapped a guy in the face at no frills and that's the only time no but listen I thought this place was called no frills

I consider that a frill but he was he was hitting his kid in the parking lot oh yes you did tell me that and it was brutal like it was he was brutally spanking his kid but not even like, hitting his kid in the parking lot. Oh yes, you did tell me that. And it was brutal.

Like it was, it was, he was brutally spanking his kid, but not even like spanking the kid on the butt, like probably like a two or three year old little girl and he was like drilling her in the middle of her back and it was gross. And so like I yelled across the parking lot, like, Hey, and he just kept going. So I ran over and I grabbed his arm and he shoved me and I just slapped him in the face. Wow. And then his wife called 911.

And you're like, go fuck your husband. Yeah. And so I'm like, yeah, I'm fine. I'll gladly wait for the cops. And then as we're waiting, groups of people start coming up. Fight, fight, fight. Frills, frills, frills. But it's like,

uh, two couples were kind of like, uh, defending me. And then the one was like, you don't get involved in a family's business. I always say that part with a little bit of a Southern thing. Yeah.

Yeah. It wasn't a Southern thing, but, uh, but yeah, you don't get involved. And so now these groups of people are arguing above us, like be past us.

And, uh, and then the cops showed up and we're kind of like, uh, what happened here? And I told him my side, the guy told him their side. And then the cop was just like, all right, you can, you can take off. We're going to talk to him. Oh, and that is all I want in the world is to be able to break the law and have the cops kind of go. Wink.

Get out of here. You. Yeah. He tousled my hair. Yeah. Uh, we'll file this under boys will be boys yeah it's sort of like uh when superman comes to someone's aid it's like well superman you just cause a bunch of trash like you just like cause a bunch of destruction yeah yeah you hit that uh you took that train off the tracks to stop that bank robber yeah he only had he only got away with six hundred dollars but he did get away yeah like you failed completely superman i'm sorry

then he sneezes and his laser vision burns up the car oh no oh Or like even Superman with a cold And he's sort of like not got all of his faculties Just sneezes and blows away the Costco Yeah His nose is running just radioactive Like whatever Pretty great

Now on the opposite side of the Rage Festival You said you went on you went in one of those float tanks. I did. I did a couple of gigs in Kelowna on the weekend. It's a fun town. You know, I love it. Really?

Because the impression I got when we were up there and in Penticton recently was the opposite of that. Oh, really? Was that two weeks ago we talked about that? Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, I won't dive too deep into it because I don't know what you guys cover, but I'm sure you didn't cover this.

You know those Budweiser goal lights? Oh, yeah. I did forget to mention that. Okay. So, I don't know exactly what these things are, but they are like when you buy a case of Budweiser, you can get these red lights. And in a hockey game, if you're not familiar, when a goal is scored, a red light goes on behind the goal. Kind of like a spinning red light. Yeah, like a siren. And so these things are, they now sell them actually

in, they have them in the jugs of beer as well. So like the red light will go on inside the jug. Oh really? Yeah. Wow. Is that what you call it? A jug? A pitcher? No, no, no. A jug of beer. That's fine. Give me a jug. You there. I don't know how they work though. Are they like sync them up with your phone? Your jug connects to Wi-Fi or Bluetooth or something. And then when a goal is scored.

It goes. And a red light goes off. And so Graham and I were doing this show in Penticton. And that show was a real HA. You guys do the math. Real DD. So they turn off the hockey game, but they don't turn off the goal lights

that are shanked up to, to go off whenever the Canucks score. And so in the middle of this nightmare of a set that Graham was having,

uh, uh, very little fault of his own, uh, it was, uh, the Canucks must have scored

because he's in the middle of a setup and then, bah, and the red light goes off and he just looked at me and he's like, he was laughing as hard as I've ever seen him laugh and just going, you know, yeah,

the, uh, oh man, I forgot all about that. Yeah. But, uh, did you like the, uh,

the float tank? Yeah. It was amazing. And I look forward to doing that again. It was like a sensory deprivation thing? Yes. So it's like the, you get into a tank and it's like, they've got hundreds of pounds of salt. It's very salty, very salinated.

I'm trying to think of a third way to say that, but I can't. A lot of the old NA. Very sodium. Sodiumy. And yeah, and then they, you shut the tank and you're in pitch blackness and you just float and you're buoyant and it's amazing. Did you put in earplugs as well? I put in earplugs because I didn't want salty drums. No, I didn't.

Salty drums. Yeah, that is the. I remember that blues musician. What did he play? There aren't too many famous blues drummers come to think of it yeah yeah kettle drums but uh yeah and and uh at first i kind of didn't dig it as much as i thought i would but like like a half an hour in i was really enjoying it and i i you start to see like little, uh, patterns almost that, uh, that aren't there.

That aren't there. And it's basically from what I understand, cause I've never done hallucinogenic drugs that, uh, it's kind of like a little bit of a mild mushroom trip almost. And yeah, I was seeing these little patterns on the, uh, on the, in, in my eyes and, uh, yeah, no, it was super fun. And I highly recommend it to anybody.

It's the most relaxing. Like I got out of there. Uh, I felt excellent. Yeah. Were you in it for like, what, an hour? 90 minutes. Oh, wow. Yeah.

Cause I did it and it didn't, I didn't get anything out of it. No? No. I was just felt kind of cold and wanted to get out. Like I didn't, I wanted to, that what I wanted, was I wanted to see stuff. And they forgot to get you out.

Yeah, there was supposed to be a light that turned on when you're done. Oh, we had like a gentle, soothing music. Yeah, this, but it didn't work. They should have get one of those red lights. But are you going to be like, is that going to be gonna be your thing are you gonna do that more regularly i'll do it again it's not gonna be my thing because it would have to be in my home for me to do it with any frequency i'm not a big leaving the yeah yeah sure um but it seems like if you had one of those in your home that would be what you have i of those in your home, that would be what you have. I would sleep in it. Yeah, like that would be your bed, and also you'd have to make soup in there.

That would be your bed. Well, they're pretty big. I know, but you can't sleep in it. It was really, you could easily sleep in it. There you go. People do sleep in them. But when you, like, I'd roll over and die. I think you'd wake up if you started inhaling.

Your body doesn't even fight it for a second. It just feels right. But did you, because here's the thing, when I went into it, the person said, like, you have to have a thing that props up your head. Did you have something to. I did have like one of those travel neck pillow deals. Yeah. That they gave us. But I didn't use it for the

most part. Like I put it on for a bit and then it was kind of, um, cause the whole thing is that you, like the water is the same. I went in there with a bunch of tub toys. As many as like a pool noodle. Yeah. Um, they, uh, but one of the, like the water's

the same temperature as your skin. So you don't really feel the water after a while. Right. And how is that a new? I know your skin though. It's not like I was talking about, oh, I know. Fair enough. For the listener at home,

I'm gross. Oh yeah. Get some double chuckles out of the boy. You're right. He would, he would die in a float tank. He couldn't even handle

just regular water in his mouth. I'm gross. But anyway, yeah. Kevin, I would trade skins with you in an instant. But yeah, I took off the neck pillow. And because it's so salinated, your head just floats. Yeah, it's pretty salty.

Yeah, I think I maybe did the whole thing wrong. And I was also ping-ponging back and forth off the sides. Yeah, that happens too. But I was able to like settle myself. Did you go in nude? Completely. All right. Even I didn't like the way I said that.

I went, the place in Vancouver is called the float house. Yeah. And you went like on a Groupon or something. Yeah. Totally on a Groupon. And, but I've checked them out and it's expensive. But they also do it 24 hours a day. Like you can book a 3 a.m. float appointment.

Oh, really? Yeah. I didn't realize that. So you get drunk, and then you go down there? Yeah, sure. Open up a tank. I brought a bunch of fireworks. Just lighting them off. Lighting off Roman candles. I'm really seeing something now. Do you hear that?

Oh, wow. The floater'm really seeing something now. Do you hear that? Oh, wow. The floatery in Kelowna. I think that's what they're called. The floatery. Is it with a Y or an IE? Oh, IE. Come on. Yeah, the floatery in Kelowna, the guy

does like trades if you do artwork. Oh. If you're an artist, he'll let you. So we got it hooked up through the guy that books the room there but yeah no it was

it was super fun and super relaxing I highly recommend it to anybody out there now you're saying we it was you and your girlfriend my sweet sweet lady

yeah and did she have the same kind of experience see things and she said a little bit which I

I think she might have been lying just to kind of be cool yeah she's like yeah I'm feeling high just like you guys. But no, yeah, she had a different tank too. Like mine was a tank that was maybe like nine feet long and a few feet wide. And she was in like a room that had like a hot tub size kind of tank in it that you would lay in. So hers was a little different. So your thing was really big.

Yeah, it was. Like I was shocked because once I got in there, I could stretch my arms above my head. And I found that that was my most like straight out, my arms and legs at full stretch. The one I was in was a lot, it's a lot smaller. Oh. Were you just in a bath? Yeah, yeah. You were in some dude's bath? Yeah, I was on was a lot smaller. Were you just in a bath? Yeah, yeah. You were in some dude's bath?

Yeah, I was on a slip and slide. You know how real estate is here. You can't have a big yard for your body. No, yeah. And if you have a float tank, you got to share it with a roommate. Yeah. He could do you. That's not a thing that people do.

They don't go into them together. No. I mean, you're asking me like I'm an expert. No, they don't, because that would be. They would have gross, salty sex. Oh, yeah, that's true. Yeah. Well, that's the other thing, too, is that if you had any, like, scrapes or cuts that you had to put Vaseline on.

Oh, before you go in? Before you go in, but sometimes you get into the tank there and you don't realize. You got scrapes all over your b-hole, so you're like, oh boy. Yeah, for that time I sat on that hedgehog. Yeah. Yeah, you hop out of the tub, you fast the hoop, and you're back in. When you're entering the tub, are they like Zeppelin or Floyd

before they turn on the laser show? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would have loved music. I think that would have been great because I had this stupid thing on a loop in my head. That's one of my bad things is a loop, is a loop of nothingness in my head. And I remember being a kid when I was like 12,

I was on a moose hunting trip and I was on my trike and you can't talk when you're on the trikes, right? Not on a tricycle. Not a tricycle. Okay. A motorized Honda trike. Okay.

And, uh, and, um, I had this line from the John Larroquette show stuck in my head and it was, uh, I think Lenny Clark was a cop on that show. And he said, he misunderstood. Is it Bob Dylan? Don't make my brown eyes blue. Is that? Yeah. So he misunderstood.

And the joke was, he thought it was donuts make my brown eyes blue. And he's like, I hated that guy. Great joke. Right. So I had that on my head on this trip when I was 12 on this trike, like hour and a half trike ride. Just donuts make my brown eyes blue so in this goddamn thing i had some lady's instagram name stuck in my head because i finally realized what it was what was the her name is honeybee eileen but it's spelled like

honey bee just a bee yeah and so i had in my head, Honey Bylene. Honey Bylene. I see. Yeah, because I only figured out that day. She's like a makeup artist or something. But that's worth the trip right there, just to decode somebody's very clever answer. I'm a regular Da Vinci over here. You're a real decoder fanning.

Ooh. I get that too, where I have, like, I remember skiing A lot as a kid And just like You don't have any sound Around you So you just have the same

Song Yeah that's true And the other day I I had a Saved by the Bell song Friends Forever Stuck in my head On a ski trip

Yeah That's a good ski trip Yeah I remember the other day This is a weird thing Like I In the morning I'll do Workouts Calis, in the morning I'll do workouts, even calisthenics.

And I'll do like stretches and planks and stuff. And I'm just counting in my head. Yeah. And then the other day I went for a run afterwards. All right. And I. He does more by 8 a.m. Jeez.

I do in a decade. And I was running, and then I realized, like, 80, after I had counted to 80, that I was just counting my steps as I was running. Like, well, this is useless. No, you could go on some, like, show and be the human pedometer. I don't even need to use a pedometer. Yeah, they call me pedo because i'm a pedometer just call me i just have a t-shirt made says pedo on the front and meter on the back

uh oh really great yeah um uh what's going on with you dave well uh this past weekend uh was uh we had a fundraiser for my friend pat yeah um like an 80 was it 80s themed it was an 80s themed uh 80s workout themed fundraiser that's too specific for my tastes and yeah like two-thirds of the people going there were like no no we're're not going to dress in your clothes. They should call theme nights like that 80s workout theme slash non-participants. Yeah. And it was great. We raised $12,000 for his leukemia treatment.

And there were like silent auctions and i've never done a silent auction before like i didn't know what they even were like you've never you've never bid on a thing i've never been anywhere where they were happening okay i've bid on ebay things sure that's kind of a silent yeah except this one is you get to see there's just a like a piece of paper yeah below the object. And it's a list of what everyone's bidding. And you know, like, this guy's totally under bidding. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah. That's true. I thought it was just a regular auction, but the auctioneer is like whispering. The baby's sleeping. Twice he sinks, twice he sinks. Yeah, there's a baby in a bassinet on stage. Yeah. Yeah, if you wake the baby, the auction's over.

And I won a set of hockey tickets. Nice. Oh, nice. But only because someone had already bid on them before they put up the minimum price. Right. The minimum price was like $195, and this person had bid $70. And I was like, well, I don't want this guy to win it. Like by, I don't think you can go under the, I didn't know that there had been a miscommunication.

Right. So I was like, I'll just bid the minimum and someone else will, will, uh, bid above me. But nope. Won them. Huh. Beauty. Who are, uh, which, which game? Next season.

Nice. Uh, a game, the Vancouver Canucks versus the Pittsburgh Penguins. Ooh. If possible. If the schedule's not up. Um, and, uh, the other part of it was I was asked to do some, uh, quote, light emceeing.

So you were, uh, you were introducing a flock of seagulls and yeah lots of your light favorites uh so i basically had to tell people when the auctions were ending and i had to there was like um a 50 50 sure and a raffle and so i would had to i had to like pull tickets for that and i didn't realize that there were like 11 things up for the raffle. Oh yeah. So then it became a full MC gig. Yeah.

So it was, uh, uh, I did one thing where it was like the audience wasn't really there yet. So it was like an early bird draw for a couple of prizes. That went great. And then like 45 minutes later, everyone's there. People are dancing and I get up with a microphone and everyone is just ignoring me. Yeah. Like I can't get the audience's attention. And, uh, I like, I, I'm, everything goes wrong.

Like I pull the numbers for the, uh, uh, for the raffle And nobody has them. No one can hear me. So I'm just standing there. Repeating the numbers. There's like a bunch of people who bought tickets. Absentee tickets. So there's like someone going through. Like a roll of tickets.

So I'm standing there. And the crowd is not. Like that you know. One row of people in front of me is paying attention to me and then everyone else is not oh no and uh oh it goes on for so long and oh it just feels awful and i'm like and then afterwards like i haven't done stand-up in a while but i'll occasionally do shows and like i know like i you know the rigmarole yeah uh but this was not like none none of my skill sets stuck uh like like yeah yeah yeah like i

didn't i i i'm not used to having to get the attention of everyone who's been dancing to loud music yeah in a room that doesn't have a stage. You're probably wondering why the music you were enjoying has been turned off. It's for a good cause. And I'm getting a flop sweat. It's not going well. Luckily, you were wearing a sweatband

in accordance with your costume. I was wearing them on my wrist. And then after that was over, two different people came up to me. One guy or one girl came up to me and she was like, well, here's some tips for like, so like, oh, that feeling in the pit of your stomach when someone comes up to you after a bad set

and you have to just be like thank you yeah yeah i'm from toast masters i thought you meant she wanted to give you some cash no no no she was giving me pointers yeah oh did you throw a drink in her face what did she say she was like um you uh you really need to like up the energy and get you should get up on a uh like a there's a milk crate. Oh, Stel. You should say to her, yeah, I remember all these things from when I was on television doing comedy. And then throw that drink in the mug. And then another guy came up to me and just gave me a, hey, good hosting.

Like, what an asshole. Like, this is a fundraiser. Wow, but that guy came dressed as an 80s rich guy. Good job. Yeah, he was. Yeah. He did have a sweater knotted effortlessly around his shoulder. I went to a theme party once that was, I thought it was 80s themed.

Yeah. But then it was, the theme was in your 80s. No. Yes. Really? No. Yeah. Really? No. Yeah. Everybody just dressed up like they were fucking old.

Like an old person. That's no theme. So I had like those big blue blockers, the sunglasses on and a pocket full of Werther's. And a dream. And I cut, I cut some, uh, the faces of children out of a, uh, uh, sports illustrated. It was like the high school athletes of the year. Oh, okay. Cut some of their faces out,

and then I would show those to people as, these are my grandkids. Yeah, that is kind of a fun theme now. I'm coming around to it, an 80s theme party. Get on board when you hear Werther's. Yeah. You're on the phone with someone being like, can you help me?

I can't get the channel I want. And then they rented one of those chairs that, you know, like puts you up standing. Yes. And everybody gets to sit in it. Oh, yeah. Brings you up the stairs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fun, right?

And the other thing that happened this week. Oh, yeah. But then after that, like I had a nightmare. Not a nightmare, but just like I had a dream that I was performing and it was not going well. And then you woke up and you were still on stage i had a dream that i was in like a group show and like people like just picked me up and carried me over their head and it was the most amazing thing in the world and the audience gave us nothing i do like the idea that everybody on stage is having a great time, but the audience is like,

uh, but the other thing that happened this week is, uh, we got, um, uh, an email. Someone wrote in and said,

uh, dear Dave and Graham and, and possibly the, uh, the person who checks your mail or like, um, dear Dave and Graham and your mail. Or like. You're Dave and Graham and your assistant. We will not be removing this from our website, my friend.

And they wrote in and they were asking about, we're going to be in town for so-and-so these dates. Are there any shows you can recommend while we're in town? And I invented this character of our assistant. I saw that. Yeah. And I wrote it. I said, oh, hey, guys, it's the mail checker.

My name's Kristoff. What dates will you be in town exactly? And they wrote back. And then I didn't reply for a while. And I was like, sorry about the delay. I've been really swamped here at the office. And they were like, thanks, Christoph. I don't know if they believe that Christoph exists.

But it became a thing. Like, oh, sorry I was late. I had a dentist appointment and Dave and Graham don't give me dental insurance. Yeah, didn't you say you had to get a crown done or something like that? Yeah, something like that. Anyway, I don't want to trouble you with my problems. Yeah, exactly. But Christoph is very helpful yeah absolutely thanks uh uh to christoph he's uh he's at home he's laid up yeah yeah but

broken shin yeah what can you do well he's gotta stop uh ty bowing yeah uh i don't know what he does in his off hours is the billy blanks one. But I couldn't think of an actual thing, so I went with Ty Bo-ing instead of kickboxing, because that would be a thing that you would break your shin doing. Break your shin, I think. Yeah. Well, anyways. You know what? It's important that we tried.

And that we had fun. And we raised a lot of money here today. Yeah. So thanks. Thanks, everyone, for listening, and have a good night. and then we had fun and we raised a lot of money here today yeah so uh thanks thanks everyone for listening and have a good night uh graham do you what's going on with you i uh went to uh winnipeg manitoba what yeah oh i hear that their uh provincial bird is the mosquito. It's true. They have a comedy festival there every year. What do they call that? The Winnipeg Comedy Festival.

And I was there with the debaters. And this is, have you been to Winnipeg? No. Kevin? I have. Windiest intersection in Canada. That's where the hotel that you stay in, thatpeg? No. Kevin? I have. Windiest intersection in Canada. That's where the hotel that you stay in. That's where it is, right?

What a landmark. Yeah. One that you can't enjoy without a pinwheel. Yeah, best enjoyed with a pinwheel. Was Winnipeg the first place in Canada that had the headline colder than Mars? Yes. And more racist. Canada's most racist

city. Yeah. And the hotel that you stay in is right at Portage in Maine, which is their famous... Because there's a Neil Young song, maybe? Portage in Maine? Oh, yeah. He's like... That's the one that goes like, Portage in Maine. There it is.

Yeah, it's a good one. Neil Young is from there. There's, right behind the hotel is, I don't know if it's still in operation, but it's, you know, Nutty Club? Yeah. Yeah, the Nutty Club factory is right behind, so it's got a picture of the Nutty Club guy. It was a candy cane. Yeah, he's like made out of candies. Why isn't he a nut?

Yeah. I don't know. Because Mr. Peanut has a lawyer with deep pockets yeah no why does the lawyer have deep anyway because they sued so many people that look like them yeah and also the peanut he winnipeg is that uh no people don't really walk around there it's not a big walking city yeah they have uh underground they do there's a whole network of underground tunnels because it's so cold but it wasn't cold when i was there so i was windy though oh absolutely uh and And filled with brotherly love. What is the other acclaimed of fame? It's the Geographic Center of North America?

Yep. And it's, you know. Guess who's from there? Yeah, Bert Cummings still lives there. What was that? And then You know It was like Whoa

Winnipeg's where Bob Hope took up golf Okay For the first time What? Wait what? Really? Yeah

Do they have a plaque? How did you learn that? I read it on Snopes Snopes.com And so I wanted to go to the convenience store Right? Simple mission

Should be convenient I got a feeling That tonight's gonna be a good night When I went to the reception desk I was like where's the closest convenience store And the guy's like It's past nine and I was like wait a minute Isn't this the capital of the province? past nine shouldn't be a thing in the city and he's like uh

this is a famous like this is a big enough city that people know the name of it and not as a joke like flin flan or something like that and then uh he said the closest convenience store is like a 10-minute cab ride away. What? And I was like, I'm not getting in a cab to go to the convenience store. To get some gum. So I said, just give me the directions. And he drew the directions.

You know they have those big novelty maps at hotels? Yeah. That show you where the Denny's is and all this stuff. It's basically like, carry this around and get mugged. So he drew the directions on it, and all this basically like carry this around and get mugged so he drew the directions on it and i kept having a look at it because uh winnipeg's not like on a grid it's all diagonal streets everywhere did you not have your phone uh i had my phone uh but i didn't want to make a big show of it you know like hey i got a phone that you could easily take away from me so like you

thought it was a better idea to carry around a giant map occasionally put it on the ground and move your feet like step on it and be like yeah okay if i'm here where's the closest denny's um and uh yeah so i was uh walking and only like two blocks away from the hotel. All of a sudden noticed all the buildings had plexiglass instead of glass in their windows. That's a good sign. I was like, yeah. I was like, oh boy, I've never seen that before. Okay.

Da da da da. And then it's like all pawn shops. I'm like, okay, still walking. Like bulletproof glass? Well, or maybe bulletproof, but definitely not glass. The key here is that it's too we just are glass keeps getting kicked in right um and then it's like all places are shuttered and uh and i'm like okay and uh i'm going way down the wrong street yeah into a very bad neighborhood and then just by i think

just by uh the fact that i walked for so long, I just happened to cross a convenience store. Not the one the guy gave me a map to. And bought that gum. And they were like, it's after nine. What are you doing? Yeah, 7-Eleven's closed for the night. What did you need so badly at a convenience store? Condoms?

Yeah. Yeah, I told the lady, I'll be back in 45 minutes. Yeah. Yeah, I told the lady, I'll be back in 45 minutes. Yeah, and then even when I came back to the hotel, the guy at the desk was like, I was getting kind of worried about you. Jesus Christ. Like, I wasn't sure what happened to you there. Is Winnipeg that terrifying? No, it's not like nothing happened. But, you know, I think it's got some nothing happened but you know i think it's it's got some rough uh it's

got some rough corners you know portage of maine being one of them yeah oh windy yeah it seems like that should be like where they have every corner like you should have four convenience stores right there just blowing gum between them in the wind um yeah it was really uh i don't know i i feel like that's the first time in a canadian city where i was like oh i think i'm in the oh because i don't think i've ever walked around in a city and been like well maybe maybe one of the small towns i guess be like ah i know that when we were in penticton, we sure wanted to leave the city, but that's. But there were so many horses, wild horses everywhere. Do your research.

I do find that in Canadian, like, major cities, like, in the downtowns, at least, I guess, where I end up staying in a hotel, are, like, soulless. And, like, all the buildings are just bank buildings. Yeah, like things that are closed at 7 p.m you want to go to an earls yes yes please um yeah it's always like uh the first time that i stayed in toronto for like a couple weeks and was doing a tour i just found a place online uh and then whenever i told somebody in Toronto where I was staying, they were like, what the fuck is he doing down there? But it wasn't that bad. You know, it was pretty bad, but it wasn't that bad. You know, they still had glass in their buildings.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my new measuring stick. How thick is the glass in the air? Yeah. How plexy is it? Is it like this plexy? But all in all, I enjoy the Winnipeg. I like it.

It's a rich, rich culture. Yeah, it does. It has like, I've never been, but it's like sort of Canada's, you know, minor cultural capital. Yeah. Like they have a lot of festivals. They have a lot of theater. uh, sort of Canada's, you know, minor cultural capital. Yeah. Like they have a lot of festivals. They have a lot of theater. They have a lot of,

they're just like nothing else to do. Yeah. They got, they got theaters, uh, galore, like little different size theater. Burton Cummings has his own theater. Yeah.

And, uh, like Yakov Smirnoff. Your own theater. He performs twice a day at the Burton Cummings Theater. Yeah, in the Guess Who, we do this. That's all. Anyway, so that's what I did.

I survived. Survived Winnipeg. That's a big deal. I know, right? Congratulations to me. I'll be going back there in the summer. Mosquito central. Yeah.

And they also have like something, horse flies or black flies or something like that. Sure. Things I don't know what they are, but I don't, I'm not interested. Yeah. Just giant insects that are, I think, mostly harmless, but they really, they really. I'm going to wear one of those beekeeper suits. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. That seems excessive. No. Kevin, you don't understand. You're being literal? No, the mosquitoes are actually the size of birds. Didn't you get Dave's joke from earlier? Oh.

When I lived in Fort McMurray for eight months, years ago, they have these like beetles that like will bite you and it's so much worse than a horsefly which i had thought previously was the worst bite you could get south of a rattlesnake yeah flying rattlesnakes but these goddamn beetles they take a chunk out of your skin yeah beetles take a bite out of me but you don't feel it you don't feel it until it's uh remove your flesh yeah yeah the silent. That's why they call beetles the silent killer. You don't hear them going. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. Do they do the sound of when you're pretending to eat an apple?

Howl. I don't think I've been bitten by anything worse than a spider, mosquito. Neighbor? Yeah. Yeah. What's the worst thing I got bitten by? Nothing for neighbor, eh? Alright.

I'm going to go fuck myself. Yeah, we're just going to go fuck your wife. We're trying to keep it moving. Oh, brother. I don't know. I haven't been bitten by a dog. I haven't been bitten by a dog.

I didn't like it. I didn't care for it. But it I haven't been bitten by a dog. I didn't like it. I didn't care for it. But it doesn't itch afterwards like a bug. Do you know what I mean? The dog might itch after. I've been bitten by a dog and a cat. Not at the same time. Cat bite?

Yeah. I got bitten by a cat I was taking care of for a while because I had to give it an IV. And I did not like that. Tried scratching me and when I put the kibosh on that, it bit me. How did that happen that somebody had an animal that needed an IV that you had to watch?

Oh, you know who I'll take care of this? My deathly allergic friend Graham. I was young. It was a different time. It was the early 2000s and Smash Mouth could still be heard on... The sun. Yeah.

Just walking around. I don't follow the reference. Anyways, do you guys want to move on to overheards? It ain't no joke. I'd like to. Life can be fun. don't get carried away you gotta do the things you don't want to do to get through the day you gotta shine your shoes you gotta sweep the floor you gotta clean your house you gotta do some more take care of business

stop podcasting yourself is supported in part by sherry's berries now sherry's berries well you know what time of year it is yeah it's mother's day time yeah time to kick it up a notch i was gonna say kick off your sunday shoes but that doesn't make any while your mother is a little footloose yeah yeah yeah and for most of her life fancy free oh and if her name is louise then please, Louise. It is time to give your mom give back. Give your mom some juicy juicy chocolate-dipped berries. And Sherry's Berries is offering giant freshly-dipped

strawberries starting at $19.99, over a 40% savings. Now, you gotta go to berries.com. It's B-E-R-R-I-E-S dot com. Click on the microphone and type in the code yourself as we stop podcasting yeah as in the thing you're supposed to stop podcasting that's berries.com uh click on the microphone in the top right corner and type in yourself all one word yeah don't don't

be putting spaces no no no absolutely i don't want. Absolutely not. I don't want to see spaces. I don't want to see. No hyphens. M dashes. Yeah, yeah. No colons. Semi colons. Semi or other.

Forget it. Now, we also have a message up on the Jumbotron this week. Yeah. This one is for. Now, I don't have something from this company. No. But I do. Neither do I this, uh, company. No. Uh, but I do. Neither do I.

So there, we're even. I do have a painting of the house that I live in. Yeah. In the front of my house. So. Just so to remind me. Yeah. Like, oh yeah, that's what it looks like on the

outside. That's what it looks like in spring. Yeah. Uh, this, uh, is from katiepaintsplaces.com. Um, you can get a custom painted portrait of your home or business. These cartoon style building illustrations make great gifts as well as additions

to personal collections. They're typically 250 bucks, but now they're going for the discount price of 200 bucks. That's like 50 bucks off. I love that idea. I love the, I love that idea. I love the idea because it's such a unique thing.

And, you know, like especially if it's somebody who loves their house. Yeah. Or like their childhood home. Oh yeah. That's really a good idea. If you forget where you,

where you came from. Where you came from. You'll never forget. That's true. You got to remember where you come from. Yeah. To know where you're come from yeah we know where

you're going if anything if empire taught us anything it's that i never seen it but i imagine i want to learn that oh it's good they got good raps in it ah i love her they got a song called drip drop that sounds good yeah it's the best hip-hop drip drop i get it uh that's katie paints places.com and get a picture of a 7-Eleven or something. Yeah. Your favorite 7-Eleven. Uh, let's get back to the show. Ready for some overheards?

Uh-huh. Welcome to the Lady to Lady Show. Behind door number one, we have fantastic weekly guests like Aisha Tyler, French Stewart, Greta, and more. Behind door number two, we have road trip and sleepover games like Would You Rather and Never Have I Ever, the kind of games that remind you of being a kid. Door number three brings you fresh hot episodes

every Wednesday. You can find them on iTunes and MaximumFun.org. Now pick a door. Just kidding, they're not real because we're a podcast. You're all winners. And we didn't really think this through. Lady to lady. I'm Jesse Thorne. I'm Jordan Morris.

The federal government has millions of dollars in programs and opportunities that you need to seize today. You're a taxpayer, right? Well, then you've got it coming. Learn the secrets you deserve to know. Find the bowling alley under the White House and the laser tag arena underneath Congress. Learn the real story behind Nicolas Cage's dinosaur auction. Find out why the Department of Energy has banned shirts. Learn the locations of America's secret alien bases and Dan Aykroyd.

Find out where the Library of Congress keeps its kasingles. For all of this and more, drop us a line. Jordan, Jesse, go. 1-2-3 iTunes Street or wherever you download podcasts. Overheard. Overheards. A segment in which you, I, and everyone else we know shares Miranda July, that little kid with the poop going back and forth forever.

That's right. We like to share. See an art house movie went through. Jesus, I was so lost. Like that didn't happen in Slapshot. The one movie that I've seen. Now we always like to start with the guest. And Kevin, I know you're ready.

You're locked and loaded. I've got two. No deal. One of them, one of them is adorable. Should we start with adorable? Do you want to go you, me, Graham, you, or you, you, me, Graham? Or you, me, and everyone we know. Yeah.

Let's, whatever. It's, it's your guys' decision. Okay. Yeah. One, uh, you do one and then me and then you yeah okay so i was in this is the adorable one we'll open with adorable i was in seattle and there was uh for bumbershoot and there was these uh two little kids getting into their grandma's minivan and the one kid says the other goes khalil you're afraid of showers Remember when you were two?

How old is Khalil now? He was about six. Oh yeah. Hasn't been able to step in one since. I get that all the time though. Like as a grown man family members will be like Dave you don't eat broccoli. That's a bad example.

I always loved broccoli. Like, what? You're eating something green? You only like beige food. They haven't let you. What? You're using the toilet? But they only ever see me at like Christmas dinner when all the food is beige.

Yeah. Yeah, next time you'll have to bring your own Brussels sprouts. Love these things. Brought some for everybody. Vitamin Khalil. Call me Khalil. The way I love showering. That's a good rap lyric.

Use it. Hey, any rappers in the audience? They call me Khalil from the way I love showering. Something, something, Mighty Morphin Powering. Really great. Dave, do you have an overheard? Mine is also from the land down under. America. America?

I, a couple weeks ago, was in Palm Springs, California. Yep. And this is an overseen, but it was all over this restaurant. It was on the front, uh, the front window, which was not plexiglass. Huh? Well,

then I don't know what kind of style. It was an Italian restaurant in, uh, so you weren't dining in a bus stop. Nope. Okay. It was in La Quinta, California in the La Quinta area of Palm Springs.

Um, I want to say it was called Mario's or Luigi's. Yeah. When you're here, your family. Um, I want to say it was called Mario's or Luigi's. Yeah. When you're here, your family. Um, but they had this advertised on the front window and in the menu. And I think like, like maybe even on like inserts on the table, those little like drink specials. Yeah. It just, uh, they're, they're one thing they keep pushing.

Uh, we have the largest glass of wine in the Valley. Uh, but you can't touch it you can see it we'll wheel it out yeah it's like the biggest ball of twine and then you see it you're like yeah it's pretty big i guess it's pretty big yeah one of the things at the silent auction was a three liter bottle of red wine, like a ginormous. Like a jug. Yeah. Wow. It was like a, and anytime a goal was scored, it would lit up. And it was the like selling feature of it was it was hand poured.

Ooh. Which means like. What? It just means the machine doesn't fit a bottle this size. Right. Yeah. We had to take this out in the alley with the wine hose. Really rough it up.

I, uh, um, do you think people in the wine industry just watch that video? That grape stomping lady over and over? Yeah. It's my favorite thing. I mean, why do you have to be in the wine industry to enjoy it? I love it. It's true, but that clip's been around so long that there's probably young people that will be like, back in my day, we used to watch a wine lady hurt her back.

Now it's a kombucha lady falling all over the place. Now it's a kombucha lady falling all over the place. Yeah, I looked at some of the auction items because there was still stuff online. Yeah. That was some pretty fancy stuff. Oh, one person online. Did you hear this? No.

A listener named Martin, I think, in Sweden. Mm-hmm. bid on a two-person session for you and me of foot reflexology. What does that mean? I don't know. It's some pseudoscience. But is it like somebody goes and presses your feet? Yeah. And you're like. He didn't win it, did he?

Yeah. Do we have to do it? Yeah. Oh, I didn't. Nobody told me that. He emailed and said, if I win this, will you do it? And I was like, yep. Oh, nuts. For a good cause. Yeah, that's true. I do it? Yeah. Oh, I didn't. Nobody told me that. He emailed and said, if I win this, will you do it? And I was like, yep. Oh, nuts.

For a good cause. Yeah, that's true. I do like good causes. Do you know what I feel like is the one industry that's all silent auction and Groupon? Balloon rides. That's like 100% of, oh, I bought this at a silent auction. Oh. I didn't know I was terrified of balloons.

But it can't be an industry if it's all donated. Oh, yeah. That's true. No, but they do volume. That's the... Oh, right, right. They won't let you down until you pay. Oh, yeah.

No, it's free to go, but the wine and cheese is... Yeah. That's expensive. Comes in a four liter jug. Mm-hmm. My overheard comes courtesy of Winnipeg manitoba i was uh while i was walking around uh i decided to eat something and i saw a chinese restaurant and winnipeg's famous for its chinese food sure so i went in and uh it was a huge chinese restaurant It's what makes them so racist.

I don't know what that means. I know, but it gives them super racist powers. I guess. It's Canada's most racist city. Well, McLean says so, but you know. How do I know they're not Canada's most racist magazine? Maybe Canada's only magazine. Other than Chatelaine.

Yeah, and Chatelaine has a commitment to diversity. Is Redbook also Canadian? No. Oh, that's an American institute? Yeah. Oh, I wonder if we can name any more Canadian newspapers. The Hockey News? Or not newspapers, magazines. The Walrus.

That's it. I don't know if it's just online. Frank Magazine? I don't remember that one. Wow. Where's it. I don't know if it's just online. Frank Magazine. I don't remember that one. Wow. Where's people from? Well, yeah, isn't there Hello Canada? That's a Canadian.

I don't count those. Okay. Like Sports Illustrated Canada. Yeah, or Time Canada. Where they have a snowsuit edition. The super unpopular skidoo suit edition. Yeah. They get Canada's best models estella warren coco rocha um so i was at this chinese restaurant and uh uh they i was the only person in the restaurant that they gave a fork to and i was like hey and then uh the the other table next to me had some other uh

white folks at it and uh i was like why would they just assume that i'm gonna use a fork and everybody else is using chopsticks but then when the waitress came over to the table of people next to me they asked her for ketchup and i was like well okay i can see why yeah ketchup what would you put ketchup on in a chinese restaurant oh the fries uh the pierogies maybe lasagna yeah this isn't saucy enough uh anyways yeah that was my overheard was a guy asking for ketchup at a chinese restaurant my buddy dave puts ketchup on, like I said, all of my stories are with my buddy. But my buddy Dave back home, down the sink big Dave, you've met him. Down the sink big Dave.

He drinks a bottle of beer with, he just picks it up with his teeth and tips his head back while everybody chants down the sink and the beer disappears. It's great. Kids love it. back while everybody chants down the sink and the beer disappears it's great but down the sink big dave he'll put ketchup on poutine which i think is horrendous because it's already got gravy and cheese yeah it's got plenty of flavor and so i've ripped him for years for that and then i meet my lovely lovely girlfriend and we she orders a poutine and puts ketchup on i said all right well here's the thing when we're around my friends you can't put ketchup on your poutine and puts ketchup on it. I said, all right, well, here's the thing. When we're around my friends, you can't put ketchup on your poutine. Yeah, yeah.

Because it's been my cause for years. Yeah, and also you and Down the Drain Dave might fall in love. Down the Drain. Whatever his name was. That's better. Down the Drain. What bothers me is not that it's Down the Sink Dave, it's Down the Sink Big Dave. Oh, yeah.

To differentiate him from the other Down the Sink Dave. It's down the sink, big Dave. Oh yeah. To differentiate him from the other down the sink Dave. Now what was the, what was your second? Oh, the other one. Your first one was cute. Yeah. This one was, was delightful. I was walking, I was downtown Vancouver and it was late in the evening, late in the evening. It was about 10.

It's late in the evening. I don't know that song. She's wondering what clothes to wear. She's at Portage in May. I was walking across the street and there was these two ladies, uh, young, younger ladies who when I was a teenager, I would have said, yeah, that's sexy.

But then as an adult, I'm like, oh no, that's a lot of work and trouble. But they were crossing towards me. And the one girl says to her friend, he's not in a gang. He's in an organization. Yeah. He's a legitimate businessman.

She's just practicing her speech for when she got home to her dad. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I can't tell you about it because it's something called Omerta. I ain't no snitch dad what's the difference between my boyfriend's club and your elk's lodge well we do a lot of work in the community as do they yeah um mostly recruiting

uh that's the show, right? No, Dave, we also have some of these overheards. People have taken the time out of their schedule to send us overheards. Now, do any of these overheards go through Kristoff or is Kristoff strictly an answerer? Uh, you know what? I'm not, I'm not opposed to putting Kristoff to work on this. You know, if he thinks he can handle it. Sure. Then, uh, I'm not opposed to putting Kristoff to work on this. If he thinks he can handle it, then I'm on board. If you don't like the overheards that are making the cut, don't blame us.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Playing Kristoff and his one shin, his one good shin. Yeah, from what did I say he was doing? Bingo? Taibo. His one shin shoulder. Bingo and Taibo. My grandma does them both.

He broke his shin playing Plinko. Drew Carey was like, miking his shin with his long microphone. Did you see... That person, the... The April Fool's Day thing? Oh no, the Barker's Beauty where she accidentally gave away the car? Yeah. No, this was on April Fool's Day.? Oh, no, the Barker's Beauty where she accidentally gave away the car?

Yeah. No, this was on April Fool's Day. Bob Barker came back. Oh. And did. From the grave? Yeah. Yeah.

He came back and did the segment. And I always wondered, I was like, how come Bob Barker retired? Because, you know, everybody loved him. But then when you see him now, you're like, oh, yeah, yeah. He's a million years old. Yeah. No, he was. Frail. He was, yeah. He's a million years old. Yeah, no, he was. Frail.

He was, yeah. He was like a bag of bones back then. Yeah. Also because it's fun to retire. Oh, yeah. That's what rich people do best. But, you know, if your whole day was just going to host one game show and then you get the rest of the day off. Oh, man.

I would never quit. Okay. This first one comes from Ariel G. She lives under the sea. I'm on a bus coming from the airport at 11 p.m. on a Monday night. I'm sitting next to a beautiful woman who is wearing a lot of makeup and fake eyelashes. She is eating a double pack lunchable so uh you know uh tiny crackers on one side and uh then a stack of like cheese things

on the other side and a red red plastic spreader yeah i i imagine but this lady is eating them with a fork oh yeah uh she slid the stack of tiny crackers onto her fork and ate them then she stabbed the stack of cheese with the fork and ate that uh then uh the same woman just chastised me for using a cell phone while holding a baby saying not good for the baby so a real fancy such and such i eat my Lunchables with a fork. I keep my baby and my phone separate. I want to open up someone's dish drawer and have it just be large red rectangles. Just like adult size for other foods.

Yeah, you use this one for spreading. Yeah. That's really all you can do with it. Yeah, I don't. I guess because kids aren can do with it. Yeah. I don't. I guess because kids aren't allowed to have a knife. Is that why that existed? Or it's just supposed to be a self-contained.

Yeah. It's a simple. Yeah. It's a simple spreading device. They sell. Ikea sells the like plastic spreader things that I didn't know existed. That are like knives but they're knife shape? Yeah, they're like, they're knife shape, but they're plastic and they're just for, you know, spreading stuff on toast.

I always just used a knife. Yeah. Growing up, but. Does it have an Ikea-ish name? Probably. Floop? Or like. The Gloon?

Jeff. Jeff. Yeah. Spell with a G, an E, an O and e oh yeah thank you here you have welcome to steven harper's canada am i right g off go to bed go fuck your wife that's rude now i'm hearing other people say that well it was intended to be rude. It wasn't rude enough. Go reignite the flame in your marriage. Go discover the passion you once had. Light some candles, draw a bath, and fuck your wife, all right?

This retreat was worth every cent. I'm glad that guy tapped on my window. So this overheard is from Whitney T in Hamilton, Ontario. I am a student midwife and was recently doing, so more like a midfiance, right?

I know when you graduate. Pretty good. I would kill down at the midwifery school. Sure. Recently, I was doing a home visit for a baby girl whose birth I attended last week. At one point during the visit, I was listening to the baby's heart

when her six-year-old brother came over and announced that he had a question for the midwife. He then pointed at the baby's umbilical cord and asked, what's the matter with my sister's penis yes as you still haven't figured things out at six oh yeah oh boy you're coming up with theories what's the matter with my sister's penis is like a great name for a children's book it's like a good way to tell them about, you know, gender isn't binary.

But also that's a goddamn belly button. Do you remember what the first... Penis you ever saw? Yes. The first word that you used to call penises when you were a kid? Oh, this is all we talk about on the show. Oh, yeah, we do talk about... Have you guys...

This isn't something you've covered, is it? No, yeah, yeah, yeah. Multiple times. God damn it. But like my favorite... Listen to the most, is it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Multiple times. God damn it. But like, uh, my favorite. Listen to the most recent Connor Holler episode. Oh yeah. Oh, it's great.

He claims in his family it was cock. It's called a cock. Uh, my friend, uh, her son called it. It's my favorite that I think I've ever heard. Uh, uh, Jim jam, my Jim jam. And I thought ever heard. Jim Jam. My Jim Jam. And I thought, eh, that's pretty, the kids are all right. What was yours? Dewey.

Oh, I've never heard that before. Was it like a proper name? Like, hey, Dewey's. No, I just remember my buddy John would always refer to the Dewey. And like when we were in the library and they had to sign up there explaining the Dewey decimal system, we thought that was the best. I do like that. Talking about your Dewey. A Dewey.

How's your Dewey? Hammer? I think hammer is probably on there too. Not for like your kid. No, I remember. He grew up in Roadhouse. How's your fat hog there, sir? Hey, kid, how's your mule?

No, I remember. how's your horse abortion that's inappropriate uh no hammer i remember uh a grown man saying that to me when i was maybe four or five it's one of my earliest memories oh wow he goes, how's your hammer? You're like, I don't want to hang out with this guy anymore. This last one comes from Elaine. No last name. No location. Just Elaine. Overheard while watching a decorating reno show, the host did the reveal to the couple, who then followed up with their comments. Said by the husband in flat, monotone voice,

It has a real wow factor. I mean, I walked in and I said, wow. Wow. Yeah, wow. Yeah, wow. Nice work. The guys on those shows, they're never the principal excitement. No.

It seems to be, if it's a hetero sexual couple is always the lady and the man is uh like he's like just uh you know well i mean this would have cost more if it wasn't a reality show but i'm i'm humiliated that it is so thanks for saving me some money but yeah i'm not telling any of my friends when this is on. Yeah, I watched, we were talking about that on Mike? No, about Pawn Stars? Yeah. That I've never seen it before.

I saw the game show based on the show, but I actually saw the actual Pawn Stars. And those guys are assholes. They're the worst. Because guys come in with stuff that's actually worth money, and then they just go, ah, I give you. I can maybe go as high as you. I've got to put it in the store. It might not sell. I might not find a buyer for that thing that I'm trying to buy from you cheaply.

Yeah. There was a guy who came in with a necklace that Liberace wore, and there's a picture of him wearing it and everything. The guy's like, I'm not sure if there's a market for famous people's memorabilia here in Las Vegas, home of Liberace. Not sure if people are all that keen

on it. I'll talk to my expert. They always bring on a weird expert. Oh yeah, I'm a necklace expert. Well, that weird dude. Oh, yeah. I'm a necklace expert. Well, that's Kyle Bottom has the, he's got his huge beard now, which is kind of squared off. Like, Graham's is kind of loosey-goosey. It is loosey-goosey.

But Kyle's is, like, squared off. He looks like the guy that you would see on Pawn Stars be like, let me get my Civil War expert down here. Yeah, this musket's a good quality musket. Yeah, it's a lot of old guns on that show. Yeah. And the one thing that was really, I wasn't paying attention. Then I kind of tuned into it was a lady had

all these jerseys of Dennis Rodman's. Okay. Signed Dennis Rodman jerseys. And I was like, why is this lady got so many Dennis Rodman? She used to be married to him. Yeah. Yeah.

Louise Rodman. You didn't recognize Carmen Electra? Yeah There was like A story of Carmen Electra Walked into a hotel room

And Dennis Rodman Was laying in bed With a lady And she said Who the heck Is that? And he said Who?

Who? Oh! Pretty good, Dennis Rodman. He was the worm. Yeah. Now, in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328, like these people have. Hi, it's Abby's Aunt Sheila calling with a terrible accent overheard. Our phone number is 206-339-8328, like these people have.

Hi, it's Abby's Aunt Sheila calling with a terrible accent overheard. Two of my co-workers, one of whom is a 30-year-old Lithuanian woman by the name of Gerda. And I don't know what they were discussing. I just heard this much. Gerda says, all I know is that I do not like monkeys. I mean, all of that hair everywhere, but not everywhere.

Yeah. It's true. It's almost like they planned it that way, you know, so that they could really show off. Like it was some kind

of intelligent design. Yeah, yeah. Gelda was talking about monkey taint. Is that what we're... Well, not just the taint. Come on. Come on, have some respect. Yeah, yeah. Gelda was talking about monkey taint. Is that what we're... Well, not just the taint. Oh, come on. Come on, have some respect.

Yeah. For the monkey's body. Yeah, yeah. Call it by its proper name. Hammer. I apologize to all the listeners. Please don't. I mean, I wasn't trying to monkey shame.

Don't talk about the monkey's dewy like that. And good accent work, Sheila. Yeah. Very. I was transported to Lithuania. Yeah. Gilda. Or Latvia.

I don't know. Gerta's a really, that's a tough one. Yeah, there's no. I think if you pronounce it the way she pronounced it, it sounds quite nice. But if she were to move into the Western world, it would be Gerda. Hey, Gerda. You'd be called Gert. Oof.

Yeah. You will never marry. Welcome to our country. You will never marry. Like that Border Patrol show? Oh, man. That is, you were saying like, what was your on the road show that you always watch?

I like Bond Stars on the road. I like the Canadian border crossing one. Man, that's amazing. I've only seen the Australian one and it's just ridiculous. Yeah. The entire Australian border security show is just Asian people trying to bring food toia and then pretending they don't understand what the guys say that's the same as the canadian and they but there's the other thing is there's always somebody that uh walks across the border with a gun or uh some law that you know that it's illegal

but they go oh i didn't realize that was illegal so there was a guy who's a convicted pedophile he's like oh i didn't realize you couldn't be a pedophile. He's a big fan of walking. Yeah. He's a real pedometer. But it's not, clarify, it is not just Asians that are bringing in weird meats. It's people of all stripes

that are bringing in weird foods. Oh, did I become racist there accidentally? I think you did, Clorox. I mean, did I outwardly become racist accidentally? No, that's... It's Australia's proximity to Asia. Yeah. On the Australian version.

Yeah, so maybe you're the one who's racist and not me, the guy who holds rallies. I don't think Graham's racist in this situation. I mean, he doesn't put ketchup on his pennies, but... I would have if they had any. Oh, oh boy the guy in that story was me listen guys what is your favorite race let's get into it oh did you see buzzfeed's 18 cool new races there's some races you didn't even know about yeah what if the disney princesses were raceless what does that mean um what what um the one thing i i saw on the border patrol show is a woman bringing in uh i think it was the

australian one maybe and she was bringing in, vegetables that she had taken out of her own garden that still had the roots in them. They were like, yeah, I'm going to plant them in Australian soil. Duh. And they were like, eww, this is like the most quarantined place in the world. The most fragile ecosystem. I'm like, oh, I can't just like bring these raggedy rooty vegetables in the one i saw the other day and the weird thing is the the border guard was like we have this vegetable here she didn't need to yeah believe it or not the australians have figured out the tomato

but the one i saw the other day the guy brought like Back from Mexico He brought like a It was the The skeleton Of this rodent And it was I don't know what he was Going to use it for But it got taken away

Skeleton I was going to plant this In a backyard Yeah yeah And grow myself a rat The one One guy had a A bird's nest

Sewed into his Gene pocket Yeah That his mom and his auntie did for him, he said. But I didn't know this, but yeah, it's for eating. They eat edible bird's nests, and I googled it, and it's Asian. You make a soup. Yeah, they make this gelatinous soup by boiling a bird's nest. Like an actual bird's nest? Yeah. It's got, you know, the bird saliva in it.

Yeah. No. Why would I make that up? I don't know. To really cause a splash. I take it about bird deweys or something. I didn't know that. I watched one last night where a guy.

That's amazing. That was so done. A guy was like, he was carrying a cell phone and the woman was like, this is a pretty new-looking cell phone. Which is, I mean, anything that's on your person, I feel like you could be wearing 30 rings on your fingers and just be like, I'm a ring guy. Yeah, I'm a ringer. Yeah.

And this guy, they called him on his phone. They didn't literally phone call. They were like, this phone looks too new. And he was like, yeah, well, it's new-ish. Do you have the receipt for it? No. Oh, what's this? Oh, that's the receipt.

There was one guy. For a Canadian reality show, it is great. It is thoroughly entertaining. There was one dude that. Given our magazine situation um there was one guy that uh he was so he was so nervous and then when they asked him if he had any drugs like you could see the beads of sweat form on his forehead and he goes i didn't do anything. Don't say that.

It's just the best show yet, you guys. It is the best show. And it's like, oh, if they can make hours of it, it takes as long to produce as happens in real life. That's true. It's like a live feed. Anyway, here's your next phone call. Gerda.

Hi, Dave and Graham. This is Claire calling from California. I was just walking past this hemp shop downtown when a couple came out of the shop and started walking in front of me and the girl leaned over

to the boy and said, I just farted in there, but you couldn't smell it because of all the patchouli. Thanks, guys. I'm not of all the patchouli. Thanks, guys. I'm not even sure what patchouli smells like. I am. Do you know what it is? Yeah, it's gross.

Yeah, it's the worst. There was somebody at the comedy mix last night in line just douched in patchouli. I would have gladly taken a fart over the... It really is. It's offensive. And how do you not, at this point, wearing patchouli is like wearing a mullet or a fanny pack. How do you not know? Yeah, you know, you've heard the jokes.

That everybody makes fun. Yeah, I know it's something that people joke about, but I don't know. I don't think I know what it is. You would know. It's like worse than BO. It's like something people use to cover up BO, but it's worse. But what is it? Like spicy or something? What does it smell like? Yeah, there's a spice to it. It's just sort of like boiled shit.

You plant it over. Yeah, if it's like. If you boiled shit in a pressure cooker, and then you just took the lid off in a barber shop that you just lit on fire. But why do people use it? Well, the burnt hair. Oh, shit. Come on, guys. Oh, no, they sweep it up. They're real quick. Oh, okay. But if it's, like, bad, why do people use it still?

Like, why if it smells bad? I think it's natural. It's got some natural quality to it. It's an oil of some plant. Instead of using a deodorant? Is that what they're doing? Instead of being civilized. Just smear some of this

big shit all over your body guys listen guys i don't want to get off in a ranch uh but yeah and i was watching i played that call for a reason uh i was watching um uh in canada there's a the equivalent of the View. Oh, yeah. And it's called The Social. Yeah. And they spent like 10 minutes talking about farts. Oh, really? And like, is it farting in front of your partner? And we've done like, you know,

hundreds of hours of a podcast of dudes in a basement. Yeah. And we don't talk about that. No, but there's something endearing maybe when't talk about that. No, but it's, there's something endearing maybe when a group of ladies. No, no, no, no. It's not cute.

Reminds me of my favorite Larry the Cable Guy bit. Go on. It's about the walking farts. Now, this was off air we were talking about this, but on your recent road trip to Kelowna,

you bought a Larry the Cable Guy album. I had a, my plan was we went to a Husky station, uh, for the listener outside of Canada. Husky is a gas station. Uh, and. For the listener outside of a city. Yeah. It's all, it's very rural, but, uh. But for the listeners in an American Eagle, it's a type of pant.

Oh, a Husky, Husky fit. A Husky fit. Yeah. I feel like American Eagle is home of the husky. I feel like it's like Sears. Oh, yeah. I guess Sears would probably have some husky, boys husky. Yeah.

Oh, man. Anyway. For the huskies listening. And for Tim Allen. But, yeah, we stopped at a husky station and for the listener it's uh sorry uh and we uh they had cds and i was like oh i'm gonna listen this is like a uh like a plastic disc with music on it yeah it's got like hi it looks like a hologram when you hold it in the light. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, no, fuck this. No, no, we bought a, we, they had a bunch of stuff and I said, I want to buy, I, cause that's

where he lives. Not physically, but that's where his act lives. Yeah, he's in gas stations. In gas stations and whatnot. Yeah. So yeah, we grabbed a best of Larry the Cable Guy. It was down to that and Foxworthy.

And I actually like Foxworthy. Like he's got a. I don't mind. He's got an album that was actually really fun. uh uh larry i'd never heard before i only had him as a reference for somebody that i should hate and proven it was so bad it was shockingly bad and and yeah a lot of a lot of but there was no shoehorn jokes about farts. And no one was laughing in the audience, right? The laughter he got on his worst joke is more thunderous than the laughter I will get on my best joke.

And I've got some really good ones. I know, I read them. I read them in the news. Oh, crying out Christmas. All right, here's your final overheard of 2015. Hey, Dave, Graham, and guests. I have a over-Googled for you. I was sitting in a student, I was sitting in class,

and there was a petite woman sitting next to me. This is relevant later in the story, her size. She has a computer open, not paying attention to the lecture, and she has Google up, and so, of of course I look at what she's Googling. Her first Google search was, how long does a short person need to sleep, to which there was not a good response on Google. So she waits a second, and then her next Google search was, how long does a baby need to sleep, for which there were great responses,

and she spent the next 20 minutes looking at all of the Google responses to how much does the baby need to sleep, presumably to figure out her own sleep schedule. She's like, okay, well, they say a baby should sleep for three hours. I'm like, three babies. Nine hours? And then she Googled, how long is this creep going to look over my shoulder at what I'm like three babies. Nine hours? And then she Googled, how long is this creep

going to look over my shoulder at what I'm Googling? I, uh... Yeah, that guy must have been real close. Yeah. Was this in a library? Is that what I gathered?

You know what? I don't listen to the first 20 seconds of any phone call. No, no, that's true. He was just leaning over, smelling her hair, looking at her Google. Shit. I was, uh... I had hacked into this that's true. He was just leaning over, smelling her hair, looking at her Google. Shit.

I had hacked into this woman's computer. I'm a hacker. Yeah, I feel like I'm worried when I'm on a bus or something. I don't want to Google something embarrassing because I feel like people that don't have their phones out are just looking at everybody else's phones. Yeah. You know? When I'm on a bus, I'm embarrassed to go through Instagram just in case. Some of the ladies that I follow, it's like butts. It's just a bunch of butts.

And then people be like, oh, this creep's looking at butts. Some of the ladies I follow. Squats Poe? Come on. You don't follow Squats Poe? It's all butts. No, I just follow some busy B.I. Lean or whatever it was. I don't even follow her.

She just comes up in my people also that are like you. Also like this garbage. Sorry, honey B.I. Lean. I didn't mean your garbage. Busy B.I. Leach. You'll have your pants hemmed in an hour. Oh, yeah. Now, Kevin.

Yes? This brings us to the end of the show. It does. Do you have anything that you would like to plug? This episode will come out the 27th? Sweet. Oh, sure. Yeah, let's say that.

All right. That means this week that you're hearing this i am at the comedy mix uh from the 30th in vancouver yes the comedy mix in vancouver i'm actually doing uh i'm hosting tuesday wednesday but i'm opening thursday through saturday for chad daniels he's an american comic he is the funniest comic i've ever worked with who i didn't know before i worked with him. Like, I mean, cause I was lucky enough. I got to work with like Norm, right.

And, and Norm, uh, for the listeners, Norm MacDonald. Uh, but I got, I got to work with him briefly and that was amazing. Uh, but Chad Daniels is the fucking funniest guy I've ever worked with. So come down and see that. I got a new website, kevinbanner.com, and tweet me at Banner Comedy. And last time I asked people, I said, tweet me and just say you heard me on Spy or something. And I got some tweets from around the globe. Yeah.

Yeah. Absolutely. Dubai. A guy in Dubai. What? Yeah. And a bunch of creeps in Mississippi. What did you bring out the accent for earlier?

Oh, the guy spanking his kid. The southern accent. Oh, yeah, yeah. I reckon you are. You don't get involved in family business. Now I'm going to tweet this guy. We didn't plug it

off the top of the show, but we're doing a live podcast on May 9th at the Rio Theater. RioTheaterTickets.ca That's where you gotta go. Proceeds benefit our friend Pat Plaszek and his treatment in his leukemia treatment in Seattle.

Hey, let's plug a bunch of stuff that we just never plug. Go ahead. Graham is on Twitter at Graham Clark. And Dave's on Twitter at Dave Schumke. Are we both on Instagram under those names as well? No. I'm Graham Clark was taken.

I'm Dave Schumke. We have a Facebook group. Yeah. A group is where to find us on Facebook. Yeah. And we post every episode and people comment and we are available to comment and we will write things also on uh the maximum fun reddit uh which is oh yeah reddit.com slash r slash maximum fun um that's a

good plug somebody stop me somebody yeah somebody posts the episodes every week there and uh discusses them and asks us questions and I will answer them. Oh, I didn't know that people were asking questions over there. Yeah. They should just stop looking at pictures on Reddit. That's all they do all the live long day. And I think, oh yeah, maxfunstore.com if you want to stop podcasting yourself t-shirt. Oh, you got to get a new t-shirt.

Yeah. Send us designs for a new t-shirt yeah yeah maybe that's not a bad contest idea why could they win oh they could they could give us reflexology lessons how does that work i don't know but i'm scared of the whole thing that means somebody's gonna be touching my feet yeah i think i think they give you a massage at the same time on my feet no on your neck you're getting it from both ends yeah hey um now uh also head over to maximum fun dot org uh for a recap of this and every episode this week we will have larry the cable guy pictures and videos of things we talked about larry the cable guy um horse abortions i don't think that's dumpster donkeys no no no these are not things i want to

google tim allen i'm kind of interested if there's a picture of this uh bird's nest phenomena i'm very fascinated yeah i think i've heard that term but i thought it was like a nickname i didn't think it was actually like that woman's hair is like a bird's nest or a rat's nest. Yeah. Yeah. Soup. Soup. I don't know.

Anyways, we try our best. If you like the show, don't be afraid to tell your friends. Head over to iTunes and write a review of our show. Five star only, please. Yeah, yeah. We got a real sour two star the other day. Did we? Did we not care for it?

It's the same lady who said that we have guests on that preach pseudoscience. Well, hopefully her butthole falls off. No, that's a real science thing. Yeah, well, buttholes falling off is a real science thing, too. And I hope that a scientist refuses to help her. And go to all the one and two star reviews and say they weren't helpful. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Vote those down. Anyways, thanks for listening. And if you like the show, tell your friends to come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. to yourself.