Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 38 - Emmett Hall

Episode Date: November 16, 2008

Musician/animator/cartoonist Emmett Hall joins us to talk armored men and unlikely pranks. We also unveil two new segment songs, stuntcast Star Trek - The Next Generation, and get everybody's name wrong.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! All right, hey, welcome to episode number 38 here of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark, and joining me, as always, is third-string enforcer for the Boston Bruins, Dave Shumka. Yeah, I once beat up Lyndon Byers in training camp. Lyndon Byers.

Lyndon Byers. camp. Lyndon Byers. Lyndon Byers. Look it up. And joining us here for our 38th podcast, Too Shy of Being Over the Hill. Very, very funny man. Very talented animator.

Would you say improviser? Musician? Regular on the Sunday service. Monologist. Monologist? Done that before. We'll get to that in a second. Mr. Emmett Hall. Hello.

Welcome. Hello, all bumpers. Fellow bumpers. I'm one myself. You've heard every one of these podcasts? I have. I haven't even heard every one of these podcasts. I haven't heard the Simon King one.

Every time I try to download, something screws up on my computer. Oh, well. I heard the first part and I laughed I heartily endorse that one I've binged excessively At work And now what do you do?

Now that you've binged Purge I might have to This is my purging here Everything's going to just come out Wow this is going to be really therapeutic For all of us and the fellow bumpers i think it's time we got to know us get to know us that's a great song i remember that song um

so emma what's going on you uh we we were together at a show this week this past thursday on thursday at a little diner which was great. Oh, I'm going to go back further in the week. Yeah, no, but that was the one thing. That's the last time I saw you. Yeah.

But that was a treat. It was. And it's, you know what, we only experience each other's presence in just bumping into each other. I really noticed.

That seems to be, yeah. or maybe at a bar. I mean, there's always comedy shows here and there. But we've never made plans. We just happen into each other's lives a la Gwyneth Paltrow in Sliding Doors. Yeah. I haven't seen it.

Oh, okay. I haven't seen it either. Oh, neither have I. But on the video box, it says that she goes through a sliding door. And then she goes through another one, and she gets two options of lives. And and i think dermot mulrooney is in it uh he's an option and then one of them is uh whatever lauren martin's celebrity crush was that weird looking dude with a monobrow is it a unibrow or a monobrow brad garrett yeah ah um so tell us about what's uh Let's get to know Emmett. All right. This is good because last time I saw Dave Shumko was last Saturday night.

I guess Sunday morning because it was like midnight. Yeah. We discussed the bowling. Neon bowling. I believe on the last episode we discussed it. Anyway, Dave Shumko was nice enough to give me a drive home. And I stopped... Not all the way home. Not me a drive home. And I stopped. Not all the way home. Not all the way home.

No, we went to Taz Van Rassel's place. And there was a little leftover gathering there for a little while. Sure. When you say leftover gathering, you mean mostly meatloaves? Yeah. Things like that. Coleslaw. Yeah, coleslaw.

Coleslaw. Meatloaves. Okay. Yeah. Coleslaw at midnight. Those little boxes of Chinese food. That all private detectives have in their fridge we're there for a couple hours i i decide to walk home and i live on commercial drive and uh i walk to my building it's an apartment building and i walk into the back alley because that's easy access to my apartment right but there's a police car there and up further from the police car in the back alley there is a policeman

with a police dog and up further from him is another policeman with a gun pulled yelling at someone in the alley whoa so i thought i'd go through the front yeah so yeah so i walked around you can probably get it could you see it from your apartment is that why you i was wondering Yeah. So I walked around. You didn't stick around? No. Could you see it from your apartment? Is that why you weren't there? I was wondering if I, well, who knew? I don't know what was, I really try to avoid any kind of conflict or confrontation or anything. In general? In general.

Okay. Yeah, I guess guns drawn. Okay, go on. Go around the side. Even more squad cars are in front of my building. So I decide I better inquire with a police officer why this is happening. So I go up to two police officers who are pulling Kevlar vests and machine guns from the back of their squad car. Nice.

I say, I'm trying to get into this specific building. And they say, yeah, that's the targeted area right now. I say, okay, well, I guess I can't go home. Like, no, no, you have a place to go. Guess back where I came from. I guess that's where I'll go. Meanwhile, so I can't get into my apartment building.

The Dairy Queen. What time of day was this? Like 3 in the morning? No, this was at about 1.30 a.m. Okay. But my roommate, I'm assuming, is still in the building. So she's stuck in the apartment building, and I'm locked out. Whoa.

Yeah. Maybe she's the target. Yeah. I don't know. They won't give any details or anything. So I say goodnight to the officers, and I walk. Did you say it like that? Come on here.

Leave on a high note. Well, fellas, just keep doing your job. Leave them wanting more. Good night! So I went back to Taz's. I ended up having to crash there that night. I managed to contact my roommate. She's stuck in there. And I phoned her.

Was she awake? No, I had to call her a bunch of times to wake her up because she'd fallen asleep on the couch. And I said, I finally wake her up and she says, well, going on i said well you just don't notice all the cops around the house no yeah well there's a helicopter out there just go check that out so she goes there's a helicopter police dogs everything she didn't notice any of this wow she goes out into the hallway to see what's going on and she goes in the stairwell and there's two more police officer machine guns pointed down the stairwell. Wow.

Yeah. This reminds me of kindergarten. Yeah. So anyway, she's stuck in the apartment the whole night. Turns out there was like... She would have slept through the whole thing, and now she's just worried. Yeah, now you've just sent her into a tizzy of panic.

She could have slept well. I guess it's better to hear it from emmet because he's got a soothing well yeah rather than the police banging on the door yeah i did with their with their dog drawn yeah um aimed um so what was it apparently four uh armored men. Four knights of the round table? I think it was more robotic in nature. Don't be ridiculous. Okay, so four knights of the round table of the future. Yes.

Yeah, okay. Sorry. Bionicles entered into my building. Four bionicles broke into your building. One of them had a gun. One of them just was disguised as a dune buggy. Yeah. And apparently, I don't know, I think they were going after a specific suite.

Someone, another tenant, saw these guys enter, called the cops. And the police came immediately, caught three of the guys. Apparently one of them was running loose through the building and in the bushes for like an hour, fell off a roof, broke his leg. Oh, I heard about that. Yeah, it was on the news the next day yeah and uh my building this is my

building so what uh what's the rent like what was the crime the crime i guess just breaking and entering shenanigans i mean yeah hijinks yeah yeah sounds like high-powered hijinks so what like these guys were walking in they had shotguns i? I think they had more armor than they had weapons. They had one gun. And apparently they dumped all that stuff. They just wanted to see how much abuse they could take in their armor. But it was the chain mail that was so noisy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That woke up one of the tenants. And those narrow hallways, it's hard to carry your lance down. And the one guy's got the flag, and the one guy's got the flag the other guy's got the drum i'm sure there's some dorm where people joust in the hallway there's some dorm yeah yeah any listeners out there in university who live in a dorm where people joust yeah send us a photo or start it dorm jousters that'd be kind of fun because those are long hallways usually and um you know i think think that could get some side betting going, right? Yeah.

You just wouldn't be able to have horses. You'd have to run. Man, what a way to rain on that parade. Or skateboards. Ooh, skateboards. Hey, there you go. Skateboards, yeah. Little scooters.

Little scooters. Yeah. Or little BMX bikes. You could probably get a Razor scooter super cheap now because they are very out of the mode. Do you ever see a guy on a Razor scooter and you're just like you just wonder what else in his life is also stopped? I've seen men in suits

riding around on those things. You think you go to his house and he's got his whole place is only lit with lava lamps and you're just like, get a job. Rollerblades are completely out of mode. But Razor scooters just were like a spike for a year. And now they're even less cool than rollerblades.

What if you saw a businessman wearing those sneakers that have the pop-out wheel? Wheelies? Heelys? Heelys? Would that be acceptable? I think if they were dress shoes, if they were good, nice shoes. If they were wingtips and they had a little wheel that popped out of the heel, that would be acceptable? Because it seems that... I think if they were dress shoes, if they were good, nice shoes... If they were wingtips and they had a little wheel that popped out of the heel, that would be okay. Speaking of rollerblades going out of style, for all of you who feel intimidated about how stylish Paris is and stuff like that,

going there, they still love rollerblades. They have cops on rollerblades. I love rollerblades. I love it. They have cops on rollerblades. Oh, that's something that I saw. Now, on the topic of cops and stuff, I saw down at the, what do you call that bar that's right near the SkyTrain station on Main Street that's painted blue? I want to say the Biltmore, but that's not right.

SkyTrain station on Main Street? Yeah, SkyTrain station on Main Street. Cobalt? No. No, not the Cobalt. Up from the Cobaltt towards the sky train station on the opposite side of the street the ivanhoe is yeah yeah i don't know okay i saw there were cops there was a cop car and there was a cop had arrested somebody on the ground and then there was a cop on a horse too oh good how did they both get the same call and happen to get there at the same time cops on horses in this day and age uh if it's not like what he probably got there way earlier and he's like i can't go in i'm on a horse i have to call someone on foot this is ridiculous

i can't get off and i'm not amounted when do you ever see horses like it's they're never doing calls yeah it's it's for riot uh maybe right control yeah because no one wants to punch a horse no i want to punch a horse i'm just scared of the repercussions if i do yeah well you might get bitten yeah or kicked oh for any of you that don't feel intimidated about par and how stylish it is, the riot police there have, like... Roller horses. Roller horses. So they have the, you know, like fast food caps. Like, they'll have, you know, what are those called?

Like the little pointy... The paper hat? Like a paper hat? It's not paper, but it's the same shape. It looks... They'll have all the padding and stuff like that, but then they'll have the little rectangular hat on.

The faux military paper hat. The riot police wear a paper hat? It's not paper. It's metal? What is it? It's chainmail. It's a chainmail paper hat. Well, I guess that's going to protect

some of your skull. But only if it's jaunty to the side. It's before they put on the hockey helmets, I guess that's going to protect some of your skull. But only if it's jaunty to the side. Don't give me that face. Stop making that face. Okay, keep making that face. Now stop making that face. Dave, let's get to know you.

Okay, here's the... Here's the 411 on Dave Shumka. Yeah, here's the dirt. The dirt. The dirt? I don't know. Stop making that face! Here's the dirt, guys. Here's the big thing that happened to me this week. I could not get to sleep.

An entire week? Well, no. Eventually I got to sleep. But for months I've had a... I can't swallow at night for some reason, and it keeps me up. And so I... This isn't a medical call-in thing. Have you tried sleeping sitting up?

I should try that. My grandpa does that. Yeah? Okay. Maybe you're like my grandpa. He's 90. I drink sleepy time tea, which is pretty good for knocking me out. And it's got a picture of a bear in a nightcap.

Yeah, sure. Anything with that on it is guaranteed to do something to your system. Yeah, so that's what has been working for me. But this week it wasn't working for me, and I couldn't sleep. And so I went on WebMDd and you can look up your symptoms yeah and it'll diagnose you with what you have and that's not tired lupus yeah uh what it did i either uh i'm dehydrated or i have cystic fibrosis oh i'm gonna side with the latter yeah i'm gonna side with the former because the latter is usually diagnosed in infancy.

Oh, cystic fibrosis is the one where breathing is very difficult. Yeah. So you're dehydrated. But when I was on WebMD, this is actually... Have some beer. This is actually... Yeah, exactly. Now, follow it up with this pile of salt.

Now, follow it up with this pile of salt. This actually could be a segment because there's so many symptoms on WebMD that are so unusual that I think a good segment for the show would be I give you a symptom and you guys try and diagnose what the patient has. Oh, nice. I like that. I found a few of them. This is not an official segment yet because we're getting a little big for our britches. What do you mean? I just don't want to write a song.

I can write one. We're not doctors. Wait, we've got a musician, Emmett Hall, here. Yeah, but he's not going to score it. Yeah, but he could sing it. I've heard your singing voice. It's beautiful. You got a symptom, we

gotta diagnose this. That's good. That's pretty good. That was pretty good. And that literally says what the segment would be. Congratulations, Emmett. That's it? I've sung a song? Yeah, I think you're gonna be our new theme for that. Wow. A bumper fan. That's it. I've sung a song. Yeah, I think you're going to be our new theme for that. Wow.

A bumper fan. Dreams come true. Dreams come true. Did you tell the people that this is your make-a-wish thing? Oh, we haven't gotten... No, we haven't. That you have cystic fibrosis? And that this is what I wanted to do before it overtook me? Yeah.

Yeah. Completely? Before I grew out of childhood? Before you graduate from junior high? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, guys. While looking for symptoms...

Seriously, cystic fibrosis is no joke. It's no joke. It's no joke. Donate now to the CF Fund. Okay, yes. Donate now. My wallet is in my coat. Yeah, okay.

So I was looking at stuff around the throat and mouth area because you have to click on the body part and then click on the symptom. Okay, so there were some weird ones. Increased speech volume. Diagnose me. Obnoxious. Obnoxious? Yeah, you've got a case of the Gilbert Godfrey's.

Want attention. Want attention. Want attention. With someone's actual voice, they can't talk? Their voice just keeps going up like this. You're just talking really loud. Oh, you're deaf. Is that what it is? Because all of a sudden you don't know a lot of what you're talking.

That makes sense, actually, yeah. You're going deaf. There were four. I think there were four. I only wrote down two, but I think the other two were earwax blockage. That's not a disease. It's a condition. Well, it sounds like it's just like...

Some of them, because some of them are so stupid. Whisper modes dislodged. Bipolar disorder. Disorder? A ruptured eardrum. Ooh, nobody wants that. Or intoxication. Oh, like you're drunk?

Yeah. Ah! Yeah, totally. That makes sense. We know what your disease is. All right. You're drunk. Okay.

Craving alcohol Diagnose me I'm craving alcohol You're an alcoholic No, you're Mr. Holland's Opus Is that a name of a disease? You have Mr. Holland's Opus I have a bad case of Hoosiers

No, apparently You're Nick Nolte You got a case of the Noltes. Apparently, if you're craving alcohol, you may have a cocaine addiction. Oh, really? Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

I don't know how cocaine works. So at the end of the day, I'm like, I want a beer. And you're addicted to cocaine. But then how do you get addicted to cocaine unless you crave cocaine? Well, it's cause and effect. It's chocolate. You want some chocolate.

You crave chocolate if you're addicted to cocaine. You're a chocoholic. Like that woman from that comic strip. Kathy? Kathy. You're Kathy. Maybe it was Nancy. I think it's Kathy.

Arrgh, she would say. You taste words when they are heard wow on acid you've got that thing that john travolta had in that movie michael no phenomenon he got that disease synesthesia is that the one where you're on sesame street you would say and then the word would come out of your mouth? No. No? I don't think so.

You know what I'm talking about. Oh, you're a cartoon from a comic strip. Yeah, you have speech bubbles. You are a comic strip. You are Taintain. Yeah. Taintain. No, it was Synesthesia, which I've only ever heard of as people who can see music.

Those are called geniuses. It doesn't sound like a... Yeah, I think that sounds like an advantage. Yeah, it doesn't. It seems like an enhancement. Like if you were like, you can grow claws out of your hand that cut through steel. You're Wolverine. Yeah. I don't think the X-Men would let in a guy who can see.

I can taste my own words. I don't think the X-Men would let in a guy who can say, I can taste my own words. Yeah, but then if he could taste words that were actually lies and they tasted bitter. And that way they could interrogate Magneto. Okay, there's this... Et cetera. One of the symptoms was... You have to kiss him as he's talking. One of the symptoms was frequent

chewing. Frequent chewing. Don't think too hard about it. I see a lot of teethless homeless men doing that. Frequent chewing. Your grandpa. Because he's always chewing, that crazy little dog.

Frequent chewing? You have your... You got a case of the gays. What? Because you got the oral fixation. What? You got a case of the gays. What? Because you got the oral fixation. What? You're a horse. You're a gay horse. No. You have to be an animal that has cud. Like a cow or a goat. Oh, you're a cow. You're a cow. Yeah.

Actually, WebMD.com offered this symptom, but when you click on it they give you no diagnosis Oh yeah no I got it I nailed it down Frequent chewing nothing Cause don't they say like if you always have a thing in your mouth

And it's oral thing then you're gay Then you're the gays You're all of them You're all of the gays I'll give you one more Frightening dreams. Diagnose me. You're a ghost whisperer.

You're a medium. By the way, their diagnosis of this? Very on the nose. You're drinking too much sleepy time tea? Not enough sleepy time tea. The bear on the box of your sleepy time tea? Not enough sleepy time tea The bear on the box Of your sleepy time tea Is attacking a camper

And not sleeping Frightening dreams are a symptom of nightmares Oh that is That is accurate Like a trick question Maybe that's a segment Yeah I like it Well we've got the theme song Well if you have a theme song you have a segment If Yeah, I like it. Well, we've got the theme song.

Well, if you have a theme song, you have a segment. If you guys use my theme song, do I have to... Is there legal things involved with this? Yeah, there's a lot of papers to be signed. Yeah. You get... I think you get a percentage of the $0 to make off of this. In fact, I think you owe us money because it's costing us.

I paid $1,100 to be able to do this today. And worth every penny. Do people ever accept money to be a part of a Make-A-Wish? They're like, oh, this kid's dying. They just want to meet Shaq. All right, give me $10,000. I'll meet this kid.

Do kids ever want to meet Shaq these days? I wonder if any celebrity will pay Make-A-Wish to make a kid say that they want to meet them so that the celebrity can feel good about their standing. Only in a steel costume. That's what I would do. If he's not breaking entering into my building.

Yeah, maybe that's who would break it into your building. Maybe it was Shaq dressed up as steel. That's totally what it was. I hope they arrested that guy. He's a menace. I doubt it. Him and his giant sledgehammer. Hey, Graham, can I get to know you?

Well, yeah, I guess. I don't have anything on that. I don't have crazy swallowing problems. It's true. I always chew things. Maybe I have a case of the gays. I'm always chewing gum. Maybe I have a case of the gays. I'm always chewing gum. Maybe I just diagnosed my own...

How come you didn't diagnose the gum chewing? You used to be a smoker, right? And then you went on to chewing Nicorette and you just continued chewing. So cigarettes lead to gaydom? Yeah, obviously. But this is just regular gum.

This is Excel. Accelerate your breath. But you're on Excel to get off the Nicorets. Yeah. And pretty soon I'm going to use violence to get off the Excel. I'm going to become addicted to violence. Oh, man. Yeah, this week wasn't that great.

What do you mean you saw me on Thursday? Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I saw you on Thursday. What do you mean you saw me on Thursday? Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I saw you on Thursday. And the next day I went to, for the first time in my entire life ever, since I was like maybe 12, I went to physiotherapy. Oh, good.

And it was painful. It was really painful. You called me beforehand to get a pep talk. Yeah, because I was worried about it. Was it something specific about your body? Yeah, it's my neck hurts because I slept on it weird. They do a thing and they keep pressing the exact... They wait until they figure out where the point is

that hurts the most. Then that's the point that they press for the remainder of your visit. It's like if you find somebody that's got a bruise and you press on their bruise and you're like, don't do that. Then that's all you want to do is do that more. That's a good hurt, though.

I like that. This wasn't as good. I went to the chiropractor just on Thursday. I don't know if I believe in those guys. They kind of worry me, like snapping my back all over the place. The thing with chiropractors that I've always heard is that that's the addiction, is that once you go to a chiropractor, you have to keep going back all the time.

Yeah, like you always get adjustments done and stuff like that. He's legit. He's a doctor. No, but the thing is, I said... No, he's a chiropractor. Okay. But you got a PhD in chiropractic ring. Can you be a doctor and be a chiropractor? I think every chiropractor gets an honorary doctorate.

Like the Cosby did when he got his? The Cosby. Yeah, I meant the Cosby show. Like Neil Young and what was Tim Allen's name? Tim Taylor? Yeah, I remember he became a doctor in this show. What about the guy over the fence? Did he get an honorary?

Because he was the smart one on the show. Earl? No, no, no. Wilson? Wilson. Earl Wilson? Maybe the actor's name was Earl. I don't think so. You're thinking my name is Earl, which has nothing to do with offense. So I went

to physio and it hurt a lot and then they put electric things on your neck and that hurts a lot too. Like bolts? Yeah, they put electric Frankenstein bolts on my neck and tried to rean too like bolts like yeah they put electric frankenstein bolts on my neck and uh tried to reanimate that part of my body through lightning and meanwhile for halloween this big busiest time of year for them yeah so then i was sitting there and then there was a lady uh a filipino lady who had obviously been coming in there for quite some time some sort of

i believe car injury icbc somehow involved but it was clear that she was not doing the exercises to try and make herself better and the doctors were you know they were like you gotta go swimming like we've told you that that's what will fix the problem. And she's like, yeah, I know, but it's cold. Or something. Like, really lame excuses. Yeah, like. But I had to listen to that the whole time. And the guy kept saying, you've got to relax.

But every time she spoke, it made me tense. Because I hated her so much. How did you know she was Filipino? Oh, very thick accent. Very thick Filipino accent. Well, no, she kept saying... I'm from the Philippines. Yeah, she referenced this would never happen in the Philippines.

Back in Manila. I miss the Philippines. I'm going to go for some pho something. That's Vietnamese. No, no, no. With my Vietnamese friend who isn't Filipino. You didn't let me finish the sentence. Yes, I am Filipino.

I'm going to go for some local pho. Also, before I came over here today, I tried to vote in the by-election. Because I'm curious. You're bi-curious. And I walked... You smoke and then you chew gum. Was this an

advanced polling? Yeah, because I'm gonna be out of town, so I wanted to participate in the democratic process. But I walked all the way from my place to First Street, which was a longer walk than I thought it would be. Wow. And then when I got there, there was a lineup out the door. Wow. There was easily 20 to 30 people in line before I would even be able to get inside.

Because all those people are saying, that line-up's going to be so long on election day. Yeah, election day, by election, huge line-ups. Oh, typically. So I'm going to go early. So I have to go back now, after the podcast, smelling like a hooch, no less.

So yeah, I've got to do that. But that was all old people's. All our senior citizens were voting today What if they're dead by the time the by-election happens? It's only on Wednesday But you're right Cast that ballot while ye can You're not voting in it

You're not in the district I believe it's called a riding No, it's a constituency Riding is a federal But that's it. That's all that happened to me this week. There was other things, like incidental things here and there. I haven't been able to sleep either, but I just have given up on trying to sleep.

Hey, Graham. Remember when you saw me on Thursday? That was the best highlight of my week. Yeah, it was. And I had breakfast there, too. I had breakfast for dinner, which always feels like you're a kid getting away with something. Did they do the banana as the mouth on the pancake? Strawberry nose, bacon hair.

I said, shave off his hair. I'm vegetarian, I said. I enjoyed that. Shall we move on to some overheards? Yeah. Overheard. All right. Okay. move on to some overheards yeah overheard all right okay overheard okay here we go we got this guy emmett up in here and during the break he was bragging that he had like eight overheards yeah but we said just narrow it down to the best ofs you know know? We're not looking for an Apocalypse Now redux. We're looking for kind of a...

An Apocalypse Now the original. Also, too, because it depends on how recent do you want it, too, because I've got... The best one is for the longest to go. Okay, well, let's start with the second best one, and then we'll come back to you for the best one at the end. Do you know what the second best one is offhand?

Yes, it's an overseen though. That's fine. Mine's going to be an overseen. Oh man, it's tied. I'll blast it really fast. I'll blast both of them really fast. We're doing two right off the top? I love it. Can I do two right off the top?

Just for the listener's benefit, these are going to be two right off the top. I'm going to go with the overheard first walking to work I work down in Main and Hastings just below Main and Hastings at the very edge of Gastown

so I have to walk through Chinatown to work and then also through Main and Hastings every day so anyway I've got to speed this up just stop talking to me and i'll just do this remove all the pressure take your time i'll just edit out the least funny one so i yeah i'm walking uh and and just ahead of me there's uh two people walking

one of them is uh looks to be i'd say a prost prostitute. I don't want to say for sure, but she had the pointed boots and the short miniskirt. And also had the gait of a junkie, somewhat. Maybe not high at the time, but that kind of weird stride. So not the gait of a cowboy. Confidence. It was a confident gait. Yeah. But still, that was probably drug-induced at some point.

Or maybe it was prostitution-induced. Those pointy shoes will make you walk kind of funny. And I wish I'd overheard earlier, and I wish I'd overheard more at the end. But she was talking about, like, yeah, and then, talking to this guy, and there was, like, I looked down, and there was blue scales, and it had these claws, claws like just into my side and i wanted to walk like i was going all over pigeon park trying to see you had a photo like who had a camera because that would have been scientific proof and the guy beside her back to him said yeah of extraterrestrial life

so this woman claims to have had an alien latched onto her side. That's proof enough for me. If only they'd had a camera. I know. I would like it if somebody did have a camera and it was just the guy that just said that second part was hanging off of her side.

He looked so much like you, but it was scaly and stuff. I'll never be able to prove it. I slept with that alien. Yeah, it was an alien. He probably used his alien trance to make you think that

that was a good idea. Do aliens use a trance? No, they do a dance. They listen to trance. They listen to trance. Dave, do you have an overheard? I bet you do. I thought we were going to do a dance. I think so. Probably. They listen to trance. They listen to trance. Dave, you got an overheard? I bet you do. I thought we were going to do a quick two.

Oh, you've got another one. That's right. Am I overseeing all the way fast? Oh, my God. Wait, wait, wait. Let's just fucking cool up. Can we cool up? Just relax.

Relax. I don't know how long it's been. I just don't know how long we've been. Cool. All right. So, I was walking down the street again. But this is down closer to Yaletown A guy was getting out of his car

Middle aged man He had shorts on Kind of like a Bermuda shirt In the summer Looked pretty well off He had a nice car But He went up to the parking meter

And instead of putting coins in Took out a blue jiffy marker And colored over the time indicator Wow Yeah he's like that'll fool him that's clever yeah except not really but kind of like there's no way how could they know how would they know if i didn't pay i might not have paid but how do they know you know that that guy was that was the one tiny scam that was the tiniest scam of his day in a day filled with mega scams that's like

his tiny scam but then he's got like 20 more to accomplish before the day's end. I wonder if that would work. He got his gas for free by flirting with the gas station attendant and then his friend was siphoning gas out of, dressed as a gas station employee,

siphoning gas out of somebody else's truck. Dressed as a motorcycle. He went into a department store, shirtless, came out with a with a bermuda shirt on somehow we don't know how that happened but no he stood really still for 18 hours and somebody put my i'm rick bahama that's what i think i think that you were just you were were that close to the biggest con man the city's ever seen. I saw Mastermind in action. Yeah.

That was just one of his many crazy cons. Was it by any chance Edward Norton in the score? Was he fake retarded? No, he was in town for the convict con man convention. The con con con. He needed one. Yeah, he needed some. Oh, the Canadian.

The can con con con. That's good. The Canadian The CanConConCon That's good CanConConCon That's funny And anybody who disagrees Is probably a con man Trying out some sort of scheme Someone who's fake disagreeing

Just to get some free gasoline From a sucker old lady. Dave, hit it. Okay. Did you do one? Yeah, I got one. Okay. I'll tell mine if you want.

I'll jump in. I was on the bus. This isn't any good. Yeah, I liked it. It made me laugh out loud on the bus. Oh, you lull-bust. I lull-bust. And there was a guy that was very much kind of like the living embodiment of the character Stifler from American Pie.

He was that. I remember Stifler's mom. Yeah. I don't remember Stifler. Boatproof Monk. Did you see that? Yeah, Stifler was the guy that... I know, Sean William Scott. Thank you.

So Stifler and his buddy were on the bus and they were talking about Halloween. They were going to some Halloween party. Was it actually Stifler? I think so. Well, he was on the bus. Yeah. So the one slightly nerdier friend

that obviously Stifler hangs out with to make himself feel better because he can put him down a lot. And the nerdier guy was trying to make a joke. He tried to make like a knee-jerk joke that backfired. And what it was was Stifler said, like he said, the nerdy guy asked him, what are you going as? What are you going to go as for Halloween? And Stifler guy says, your mom. And then nerd guy says, well, you better bring your knee pads.

And I was like. And when you laughed out loud. I did laugh yes it worked yeah exactly he didn't realize yeah oh yeah okay good it was it was a beautiful moment well you better bring your but it hung for a second before stifler laughed like there was a second where he's like, did he just zing his own mom? That was good. Okay. Mine is an overseen and it's a bumper sticker. This is the golden age of bumper stickers. What with Obama.

Yeah, it was anti-Obama. There were undertones. Teenage kicks. Okay. It was a minivan, and there was a... It said, don't litter, spay or neuter. And then there was a picture of a kitten in a garbage can. Oh, no!

That just took a sinister twist at the end. Yeah. Oh, I don't... Ouch. For every time you think of littering. Think of neutering. Okay, you cat. Stop.

Don't have a litter and then litter with that litter. That would have been more clever. How about this? I'm embarrassed because I just got the litter joke, the pun. The litter? Yeah, about a litter of kittens.

I was thinking it was someone who was like it was a terrible combination of like don't pollute, go spay and neuter a cat. Here's what's worse is that I saw this like two weeks ago and I just got it when you explained it to me. You didn't just... You didn't...

Really? Well, I mean, people are throwing out cats. That's why I said litter... Don't litter the litter. I got why you said it. Now. Now. I didn't make the association with like ditching cats

or lots of cats. I just thought it was like, don't... When you're chewing your gum, don't throw the wrapper on the ground. Yeah, don't... Yeah, these two things have nothing to do with each other. Yeah, that's why I thought it was...'t know i thought it was like don't don't

kill cats and throw them away throw them in the garbage yeah wow that was an overheard or an overseen that got deeper the more you look yeah it was like a the inward spiral downward spiral it was through the looking glass right um i have one from a listener that I enjoyed. It was from Brett Oland from Calgary. Oh, your hometown. My hometown of Calgary, Alberta. He had just returned from a depressing trip to Walmart,

which there's never any other kind. There's never a triumphant return from Walmart. A mid-40s guy said with this amazing conviction and anger to his wife as they push a cart on a sunday through the pet section yeah but those little fuckers eat better than we do so i like that i didn't i didn't read it properly the first time but yeah they were in the pet section at the time um when he said that. I don't believe it if you're

shopping at Walmart. Well, I guess. They have Beneful. Could a human eat Beneful? Yeah, it looks really good. Is it the one that has pictures of carrots and peas on the bag? Yeah, it's got meat chunks.

I used to eat my dog's food underneath him when I was like three. Underneath him? well you would underneath the dog and then grab his food you would wear the dog as a disguise to trick him I'd wear him as himself

head smashed in dog jump oh that is that is a tiny reference I got it, though. Yeah, you got it. Yeah, I got it. I sure, yeah. And then we're going to bookend this overheard with Emmett.

Emmett's got his 45th overheard. His 45th overheard of this podcast. Yeah, you don't mind? No, I love it. This one dates back to the summer, so I hope that's okay. Ooh, Bolton time. But it's good because it's got multiple overheards in one. I was in an Italian

restaurant downtown by myself. I believe it's pronounced Italian. Italian place. Can you name a restaurant? It sounds delicious. The Old Spaghetti Factory? No. It's Quiznos.

I'm not going to say what the name is right now because it involves the owner and stuff. Anyway, there was another woman who was there by herself. Ooh, romance. Yeah. Yeah. Titillating. She was about our mother's age. Are we all from the same mother?

We've really got to stop interrupting after every sentence. What is this we business? I'm sitting here listening to the story. I know that we're all the same mother? We've really got to stop interrupting after every sentence. What is this we business? I'm sitting here listening to the story. I know that we're all the same age. That's why I say our mothers... Shut your benniful hole, Dave. I think I might have increased speech volume. You're getting a case of the obnoxious.

You're having nightmares. So she speaks up to the waitress, and she's kind of like your friend's mom who... Milf? Is she a milf? No, no, who'd come in in the middle of the night and say, can you guys turn down your Marios, please? Because I've had a long day, and I've got a very big headache. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Very high, kind of mousy, passive-aggressive kind of intonation everything very yeah and she goes excuse me to the waitress i'm wondering about my drink and it was a koala drink i think and i'm wondering like a koala springs yeah wow and i'm wondering this i'm looking at this i'm wondering this is out of date because she's mentioning like there's a number on there and the woman says i don't i think actually that's a serial number well could you please check because i once had a very serious out of food poisoning from an out-of-date drink and i know that and i've had and i've been involved with the food industry and label making and like as if she's involved with all that stuff yeah yeah yeah she's okay so she goes back come and says comes out you know what i think that's the expiration date i don't think that's a serial

i think that's a serial number i don't think that's the expiration date okay well i don't know i'm just wondering if i could get a new one and then the owner pipes and says what's the problem what is going on here no you don't don't like this? Well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but I think that this is out of date. No, it's a serial number. I just bought this yesterday. Well, I don't trust it. No, you don't get to have food here.

You go. You leave. Kicks her out. And then she does the like, excuse me? Excuse me? Well, I'm sorry. I'm sure the food here is fine. No, I don't know what you're going to say about the food.

Yeah. Then, here's the overheard part. Then Fredo came out and shot her. Yeah. I overheard a gunshot. And I looked away. Then she said, well, I'm leaving. I'm supposed to meet my son here.

He's like, no, I don't care. You go. So she's leaving. And she turns around and says, well, a curse on you and a curse on this restaurant. Whoa! And to top it off, this is second to top it off. They should change the name to Curseos. She turns and she goes,

basta por cariere, and curses it in some weird, archaic language. Whoa. And then leaves. And I thought that was the end. Oh. Because I mentioned how she said, I'm meeting my son here. Her son comes back in, comes in, like five minutes later,

and says, he's a voodoo priest. No, he looks like a fellow amongst our crew, our creed. I don't see color. I like the band Creed, though. No, he looks like a fellow amongst our crew, our creed. Okay. I don't see color. I like the band Creed, though. A white Canadian male.

Right. And he says, you know, I'm just getting a text from my mom, and I'm just wondering what happened here. And the waitress, well, your mom was a little upset because of a situation with the expiry date. And explains it to her. And he was kind of angry at first and then he kind of concedes

and goes oh okay well I'm sorry about that I'm sorry about my mom he leaves comes back in

you know what I'm gonna get something to eat and he sits down and orders a meal he just ate cursed meal

yeah wow he's a brave son cause he would know first hand the power of his mother's cur yeah he's a brave son uh because he would know firsthand the power of his mother's curses he's a sylph his mom it's like as if so his mom curses a place out phone same time i'm not going that place i got kicked out he comes in like well i guess i better you know inquire what the hell happened he's like oh it's just my mom being mom yeah leaves but i'm still hungry. This is a good restaurant.

I gotta eat something. I gotta eat. Yeah, fuck her and her Koala Springs situation that she's always bringing up. Every restaurant we go to, Koala Springs this, Koala Springs that. I like how she was in, she's had experience in the label making industry as well as food industry. Because she bottles her own jam. She's always sure to put an expiry date.

Every farmer's market. That was a really stellar round of overheard. Shall we move on to a... Hilarious Pranks? Oh yeah! We never had a theme song, did we? Yeah, I got it. But I need some sort of

hip-hop beat. I can provide anything i am a man you are you are a man many beats but if it was like uh what that's this is all part of it What? If you fart in your mother's mixing bowl or you steal your girlfriend's birth control, it's hilarious pranks. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Hilarious pranks.

Yeah! That is good. That is a good theme song. What do you think? As a bumper, I'm satisfied. Yeah! And I haven't even heard how Dave's going to amp it up. No, yeah, Dave's going to make it beautiful.

What if I don't? What if I just keep it acapella? If you keep it acapella, can you at least just put this in the background? What, in rhythm? I think I just did. Yeah. Awesome. I think I just did Awesome

The thing about this segment It's only just getting off the ground And I think it'll take off Once we get some Listeners Sending in their possibilities I think there's going to be millions There's so much stuff that no one

Hasn't aired yet But I think just down the road This this is going to become a solid... It's going to get off the ground. You guys have aired a couple of Hilarious Pranks by now. No. Oh, this is the first episode of Hilarious Pranks? No, no, no. This is the second episode.

The first one was last week's episode. Yeah, it was mentioned last week, but it hasn't aired. No. Yet. Well, I mean... No, it will have aired by now. Right. By the time someone's listening to this...

Oh, we're stuck in that time thing again. No, it's already aired. It aired last week. Yeah. Everyone's written in with their hilarious pranks that they're too afraid to do. But due to the time constraints of the space-time continuum... There will be another week's worth of show before we get to the hilarious pranks from this show. Yeah. So next week's episode, we're still we get to the hilarious pranks from this show. Yeah.

So next week's episode, we're still not going to have your pranks in it. But the following week, we're going to be drowning in them. Yeah. But this was last week. Download last week's prank. But it's basically, if you have a prank, either you're too lazy or you're too scared or you're just not interested, but you've thought it up. Yeah, it's a big budget prank.

Minor big budget pranks. I invented this machine where you pee into it and it turns your pee into water. That's big budget pranks. And the machine is called Waterworld Mach 2. It's way over budget. So, Emmett, you said you had one should i should i do it now or i mean i just did that 45 minute long yeah no well you okay i'll tell you because erica sigerson was here last week she was our guest and she was supposed to call in with hers but she pranked us once shame on us and also it should be noted that last week when Erica was here

we were drinking beers and I thought that you had offered her a beer and I think you had offered her something to drink and she said I have a coffee well I believe I interrupted I said do you want anything to drink? oh you got a coffee right now I didn't even let her

answer so by the end of the day she didn't drink any beer but the next day when i saw her she said that she was surprised that she wasn't offered any beer and she thought that we were like hoarding the beer for ourselves and she thought it was really weird especially because before you the whole time the whole podcast she's going, wow. The whole time we're doing the podcast she's thinking we're very weird. Before we have someone on the show we ask them what they like to drink.

Like days in advance. So we can pick it up. She said, oh beer's fine. We're drinking Ovaltine today. That's my request. Yeah. Well not all of us. Emmett's drinking Ovaltine. You're having Inca? What's inca

is that cheap ovaltine it's a different kind of ovaltine it's ovaltine junior what's the other one there's

ovaltine and then there's another one i just said it's inca no but there's another one i just said

it oh fuck jesus i gotta start listening stop you know the inca's invented chocolate

oh does it start with an m there's something maya mayan that's what it is. Quetzalcoatl. So Erica's prank...

Anyways, we're sorry about the booze thing, Erica. The next time I see her, I'm giving her two beers. Yeah, wherever it is. Even on the street. You're just gonna pull her into Neiman Marcus that has their own bar. Just on the street, you'll give it to her and say, I'm not weird. Here. own bar. Just on the street, you'll give a turn and say, I'm not weird here. Just give her two beers on the street.

She's not going to be a Neiman Marcus. No, they don't have a bar in Neiman Marcus anymore. And we're in Canada, where it doesn't exist. Where it doesn't exist. But I do remember Neiman Marcus from that Blue Cantrell song. Who could forget? So her hilarious prank was that you would organize with a bunch of youths. Newts?

Newts. Like a scavenger hunt. Scav hunt. They'd have to... Scav hunt. Where they would have to pick all sorts of items up from different stores. But all the items combined would make them susceptible under the Methwatch program.

Ah, right. So they would all be ingredients that, if bought in combination, would put them on the red flag for Methwatch. And I thought that was... I have a joke about Methwatch in my act. It's a very funny joke. It's a long joke. But it's a good joke,. Probably the inspiration for that prank.

Yeah, well, I'll take full credit or compensation. Maybe you want to take half credit. Yeah, alright. If I can get partial credit, if I can audit that prank. So, Emmett, we talked on Thursday

and I said this is a new segment we're doing so let's see. Do you have anything? do it's good though that you gave me fair warning because if you ask me right now I yeah I certainly have had fair warning and have given up no thought this one's kind of it's more of almost more of an experiment than a prank but still it'd be funny to do you got my attention you know I say I said I mentioned big budget before because it would cost a lot of money. You know how before a movie there's all the production houses

that are involved? They have the little New Line cinemas or TriStar, Paramount Pictures. They have the little billboard that comes up on the screen. The animated thing. They're each about two to... Sometimes they're long. Sometimes about like you know two to sometimes they're

long sometimes they'll be like 10 seconds that thx one yeah yeah well because sometimes before movies there's like five or six sometimes yeah well i bet it would be great but you'd have to make up a whole bunch of your own to have like have like 40 minutes and to see and just to see and this is the experiment though is to see how long it would take for people to go is this right is this not yeah in the theater go i can't know another one yeah no no no and then go and explain because you know when you because when you watch it you'd go that's got to be the last one all right they've done five all right because so every so after every one because it's just long enough for you to, I've got the patience for one more.

Yeah. And it would finish. You're like, okay, that's got to be it. That's a cute little animation. And a lot of times you'd go back in, and sometimes they're really slow in, so sometimes they would fade into a new one. So sometimes it takes five seconds to fade in. You'd be like, oh, the movie's starting.

No, no, it's not. Yeah, yeah. And it would be great. It's just a globe spinning. And I think you would need 40 minutes worth of them before because i think that's yeah you need that many because people would i wouldn't understand i'd be most interested just to see who sticks around and who is the ringleader guy who's the first guy to break rank and be like this is ridiculous i'm I'm out of here! You wouldn't be like, this is a trick.

If you made them all legitimate ones. They wouldn't think it's a trick, but one guy might be like, forget it! I don't understand. It would just really confuse you. I think somebody would get up and ask one of the ushers what was going on. And if you could get Usher to play

one of the Ushers, all the better. That's why it's big budget. Why were so many people involved in the making of this movie? It's the Transporter 3. Ten of the different ones are Jason Statham-esque. It's like Jason Coe and Statham Inc. Jay Stay.

Jay Stay. Jay Stay audio production. That was really good. I like that. Approved. Thank you. What are your favorites of the pre-show, the pre-movie things? I like the DreamWorks one. With the kid?

They change it up every once in a while, too? Yeah, sometimes it's hardcore porno. too yeah sometimes it's a hardcore porno uh i like the i've always been a fan of like the the warner brothers one where it's all sepia with the water and they're playing uh the song from casablanca that one's nostalgic casablanca check us out i love the marvel everybody grab your surfboard the marvel one's my favorite because I know that I'm watching a comic book movie. That's a good call, yeah. Isn't there one that the camera shakes quite violently? And I think it's an independent one.

It's one of the independent movies. It's one of your Saw hostels. One of your Saw? Saw 5, I'm predicting, is going to be... Not in theaters by the time this episode comes out. It's already going to be in and out of theaters. The weird thing about that is really one, maybe two. I think we're into the area of now they're just going to try and go the distance

and make 20 of them. Just because they can. I think it's maybe just out of tradition that horror movies are like, oh, might as well just sequel it up. It's not even tradition. They all make money. Wait, tradition or turducken?

Turducken, that's what I was talking about. They all make money because they all star nobody. That's true. And they're all gruesome. The gruesomeness is the star. Pardon? They all have Carrie Elwes. They don't. Let's move on to another

segment. We'll give you an option. Here's the option, Emmett. We can either do a round, a thrilling round, of stunt casting. Or we can take a page out of our new segment about time travel. Are you just thinking stunt casting Star Trek The Next Generation would be pretty funny? Yeah, we'll look it up a bit. We'll be right back.

Are you an actor? Are you looking for work? Stunt casting. Stunt casting. Stunt. Stunt casting. Powder. Danny DeVito.

Taxi Cab. The Movie. Danny Glover. Martin Short. Anyone in the movie Danny Glover Martin Short Anyone in the movie Pure Luck Stunt casting Alright so Emmett has chosen stunt casting

Star Trek the next generation I never watched the show I wasn't a big science fiction fan as a child. Or ever. I watched this show a lot because I only got one channel up when I was living in Armstrong, which is a small town in the interior. Armstrong, BC.

Yeah. CHBC News. Home of the cheese, right? Yeah. So CHBC was our channel. I love your cheddar. Thank you. I worked hard.

But yeah, it would be like Batman at three animated series. Then you'd have to sit through smoggies. Do you remember that? Yeah. I talked about smoggies some time ago on this podcast. Nobody knew what I was talking about. I can't believe I watched it. Out of work.

What was your choice? Going outside and doing something else? I know. It was too cold. And then four o'clock would be Star Trek Next Generation. That's pretty early. It was all repeats. Around here it was on around seven.

So I was like, I'd rather watch my Wheel of Fortune. Every day? Graham, did you watch it? Star Trek Next Generation? Yeah, I had a very good friend. You'd watch Wheel of Fortune before you'd watch Star Trek Densha? No, I'm making fun of you. I'm just saying that I would prefer Wheel of Fortune over it. Even though I didn't watch either. I don't like the way that this

fighting is broken out, boys. We're not fighting, Graham! Is this my fault that you guys are splitting up? Yeah, it's because of you. It's because you came between us. Graham, that's why I'm here on this podcast. David and I. Intervention. It's because you came between us. That's why I'm here on this podcast. David and I. Intervention.

We care about you very much. We think about an hour into every podcast you get out of control. Yeah, that's true. I do. I fly off the handle a lot. The rest of the podcast I have my hand firmly on the handle. Yeah, you're shaking it so it doesn't run.

Alright, so... You've got anybody out there who's ever seen Star Trek The Next Generation. We'll start... I've never seen a whole episode. Well, let's start with the least important character, I think, and move up to Captain Picard. Because Captain Picard is the top. This is a huge cast, so I'm gonna

say we zip through it, because... top. This is a huge cast, so I'm gonna say we zip through it, because... I was saying, like, the entire bridge we gotta do. Okay, well, let's start... I'm giving it to Graham. Okay, let's start with... How do you say that one character? Gynon? Gynon. Gynon.

Which was Whoopi Goldberg's character in the bar. She was the psychic. No, she ran the bar. She was the psychic. No, she ran the bar. She was a psychic bartender. Yeah, basically she was a psychic, though. She gave a lot of advice. That was the thing. You never had to order a drink.

How was there a bar? Oh, they were outer space, Dave. How many people on the ship? Can't they just have a fridge? There were like thousands of people on the ship. Really? Yes. Almost.

Yeah, it's like a huge It's like a cruise ship of outer space It was like a floating city in the sky Floating on no air It was a floating So, Guinan Who was played by Whoopi Goldberg Who would you cast?

If you were going to replace Whoopi Goldberg In a updated version Whoopi Goldberg. Who would you cast? If you were going to replace Whoopi Goldberg in a updated version. Whoopi Goldberg. Star of the View. I would go maybe Sherri Shepherd from The View. Jennifer Tilly.

Elizabeth Hasselbeck. I would go Queen Latifah. Latifah? Is it Is it But we don't have to stick To race lines No

If it's inappropriate to do so As I mentioned I don't see color He doesn't That's why he's wearing That lime green Parachute pants Yeah

It's weird that you can't see color But you also can't see shapes Shape proportion Silhouette Fit I don't see any of the rules Tim Gunn yeah you can't see Sinbad DVD covers

yeah or DHS I guess maybe they haven't been converted alright Guinan did we anyone submit anything he just said I said Queen Latifah and you said Jennifer Tilly

Jennifer Tilly why Jennifer Tilly. Why? I don't know. I don't even know. Yeah. I don't even know why I just said that. You're going to have to defend these things. Yeah. Oh, I guess I do.

Yeah. You don't just throw things in and then just saunter off. What are you, willy-nilly? Yeah. What am I doing? Who are you, willy-nilly? The one that just... Yeah.

This is all under my... This is all my shoulders, isn't it? Yeah. Well, not... I mean, you know. We're a team. Yeah. Okay. Right now. the one I just yeah this is all under my this is all my shoulders isn't it yeah yeah well not I mean you know we're a team yeah okay right now

um I'm happy with Queen Latifah I'm also happy with Queen Latifah because she's now she's moved on to all those kind of

like uh motherly advice giving roles alright so Queen Latifah Secret Life of Bees she's like the the leader of the house.

And bringing down the house, he's like would you care for some shampoo? That's funny. Yeah, that was the Secret Life of Steve Martin. Wesley Crusher played by Will Wheaton. Stand by me, fam.

And Star Trek The Next Generation fam. Right now he's some kind of geek blogger. That's his job. He gets paid to do that? I don't know that he gets paid. I think he's famous at the most... I might be wrong about this.

He's famous for blogging? No, he's more famous for this, but... I would say so. He gets a lot of traffic due to this. Sure. Can we get Graham's favorite, LeBouf? Is that Graham's favorite? Oh, sure, LeBouf? How old was Wesley Crusher? He started out as a...

Yeah, and then he kind of grew into an adult male as the show went on. So we really only know LeBouf and Efron. You know who might be 18 or 19 by now is the kid who was in Tobey Maguire. No, we actually... Who was in Tobey Maguire? I actually saw that on a newscast. Not Tobey Maguire. Jerry Maguire is what he meant.

Oh, I called him Tobey Maguire. The kid who was in Tobey Maguire. Oh, no. No, I stand by that. Jonathan Lipnicki. There we go, we go just the nick he's 18 now oh till i die uh yeah fine with me i say i think i think he completes the recharacter we have a dozen people to cast yeah exactly okay data this is important this one is important to me brent spiner and i yes dav, wore the thing that had the...

No, that was George LaForge. Data was the android, that's right. Was he an android or a go-bot? No, he was androgynous. And he was very pale-skinned. Marilyn Manson. Not bad. Oh, that's pretty good.

Right out of the gates. Or Michael White. Of the White Stripes? Jack White? That's what I said. Yeah, Michael White of... Look White Stripes? Jack White? That's what I said. Yeah, Michael White. Look how good I'm doing well. I'll tell you why I read that movie he made about himself.

Michael White. I think there's a Led Zeppelin tribute band called Michael White and the White. That's what you're thinking of. That's how in tune with pop culture I am. I'd probably go see... I would go see... I would go see Michael White before I go see The White Stripes. I once went to go see a...

That's not true. Do you have a vote on Data? I wouldn't see either. Data, Data... He could also be played by Paul Schaefer from The Wonder Years, who is also Marilyn Manson. Not Paul Schaefer, The Wonder Years, who is also Marilyn Manson. Not Paul Schaefer, Paul Pfeiffer.

That's what I meant. Are we getting everyone's name wrong today? Paul Schaefer. I'm just taking Emmett's lead and running down the hall with it. Yeah, every name from now on we have to get wrong, completely wrong. No, no, I'm happy. I think Marilyn Manson's the better choice. All right, now we've got deanna troy okay uh and hathaway i say the woman from you know

remember hot shots oh valerie galeno valeria galeno or kathy ireland was it kathy i know that was hot shots part two no that was Hot Shots Part Deux. No, that was She was in Hot Shots Part Deux as well. She was in Loaded Weapon 1. But also, Rain Man. She was the love interest in Rain Man. Oh, I like that. Is that good? I'll take anything. Yeah. We're just zipping through this.

Well, no, you said that we have to. Beverly Crusher. I don't know who that is. She's got red hair. She was a motherly character.. She's got red hair. Motherly character. Yeah, red long hair. Winona Judd. Ooh, Winona Judd. I was going to say Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman.

Oh, yeah. That's her name. And I was once again going to say Renee Russo. Oh, or how about Lolita Davidovich? Who's that? A red-headed actress Who I can't remember a specific movie she was in That's

I don't know that's gonna fly If we don't know who she is And it's very possible that you got her name wrong I like the Judd Oh wait she's my cashier So what is it Winona Judd you said? I was saying Winona Judd

Or Naomi Or Bonnie Raitt So what is it? Winona Judd, you said? I was saying Winona Judd. Or Naomi. I think that Beverly Crusher does. No, no, no. Reba McIntyre. Ooh, yes. Reba McIntyre, yeah. Yeah. Reba McIntyre, I think, is appropriate.

All right. There's a lot of redheads in country music. Oh, yeah. And in Irish music. What about Worf? Who's Reba McEntire? Reba's in that... She has her own sitcom.

She's a country singer. Have you ever heard of the show Reba? Yeah. Who's the really fat Canadian one? Oh, you're telling... Oh, Rita McNeil? Is that Rita McNeil? Yes, never mind.

No, she's not in my movie. Who's the really fat Canadian one? I'm not wrong. Tarzan and Dan. I immediately went to Rita McNeil when he said that. All right, Worf. Okay, Worf had a big forehead. Yeah, he had a turtle on his head.

He was like one of the only... What about the guy who played Corky? What? No, it wasn't about his forehead. He was a giant black man wharf was he was he's one of the only klingons i think that was actually african-american i don't think that as a klingon he was african-american he's an african-american klingon that misses the point because klingons aren't from earth they didn't come over

from africa you didn't watch the show. It made no sense. I love... Once I went to someone's house and we played... And only once. That was the last time. And we played Klingon Balderdash. Where you

take a Klingon word out of its Klingon dictionary and you try to... Or everyone puts a definitionlingon dictionary and you try to, or everyone puts a definition into a hat and you try to convince people what's the right definition of that Klingon word. And it's usually something war-like. Okay, so

Worf, the only intergalactic African-American. Yep. Intergalafrican. I was saying he was an African-American. I was saying that he was an actor who's African-American who played a Klingon. Usually, I don't think they were actually black guys at that point. He was a big man. You said you threw in Shaq.

I threw in Shaq. I'm going to throw in Chewbacca. With that really shitty forehead piece over top of his fur Chewbacca with a turtle on his forehead it's so funny I agree checkmate

Jordy LaForge, LeVar Burton aka Kunta Kinte and I say Wayne Brady that's not far off aka Kunta Kinte. And I say Wayne Brady. Oh, wow. Yeah, that's not far off. Wouldn't he be willing to wear a hairband on his eyes? And also, would he be willing to do kind of the lyrics to the Star Trek Next Generation theme?

Yes, he would be willing. This is a stunt cast of the show. It is called I'm Wayne Brady. We're zipping through this. We are the Carl Lewis of this. The bearded second in command. Jonathan Frakes. I believe he also directed a few episodes.

Maybe a couple of movies. He's also a voice of one of the bad guys in Gargoyle's cartoon TV show. All right. Did anyone catch that? I did. He had a beard. He had nicely parted hair. Burt Reynolds? Too old. Young Burt Reynolds.

A young Burt Reynolds. You guys have spanned generations. What do you think? Burt Reynolds? He's kind of too cocky to be William Riker. What do you think? What's your first impression? I don't know.

Well, you've got to jump in. Jon Favreau? How about a Jon Favreau? When Jon Goodman has a beard. No, he's too fat. Yes, he is. Jon Favreau, if he worked out a bit, I think would make... He's not...

But William Riker's really tall. Jon Favreau's kind he worked out a bit, I think would make... But William Riker's really tall. Jon Favreau's kind of short. Yeah, by the way. Yeah, serious. Stop fucking around. The one thing I remember about the show that I never watched. A trimmed beard, though. A tiny little beard.

A tidy bearded man. The guy who hosts Daily Planet. Oh yeah, you mean with the white hair? Yeah. Very tidy trim. Yeah, you could dye that shit. You might have a Willie Riker in your hair.

He's short though. He might also need to direct. That's right, we have to pick somebody with a directing ability. Oh, Spielberg. There we go. Spielberg. Or Scorsese. Scorsese doesn't. Oh, Coppola. What do you think? Coppola?

Coppola's a little too large. Spielberg? Spielberg's like four foot eight, though. But he's so bearded. He's so well bearded. I don't think spielberg knows cgi i think he was familiar with the last movie carlton gifts incorporated is what you mean when you say cgi wow uh john luke bagar is this is this the the ultimate this is the final this is the i wish we had warned me with a penultimate.

Oh, well, the last one was penultimate. I apologize. John Luke Picard. JLP. Played by the immortal Patrick Stewart. I think we could get Patrick Stewart. I think he really would be the perfect John Luke Picard. He'd be willing.

But say he doesn't want to do it. We need somebody accented and is willing to be bald. So we can't just pick a Michael Chiklis on the basis that he is already bald. Donald Sutherland. He's too old, isn't he? Vincent Diesel. Vincent Diesel. With his beautiful accent acting ability.

I kind of like it. There's a chance that he might be too furious. I'm willing to jump on board with the Vincent Vita. We can shave a lot of heads here. Okay, I know he's not satisfied at all. How about a Richard Dreyfuss? Someone Scottish here. Alan Cumming?

Somebody less sprightly. How about like... What's his name? Daniel Craig? Daniel Day-Lewis. Daniel Craig James Bond? Yeah. He's Scottish. That's pretty good. He's not Scottish.

He can do a Scottish accent. But Patrick Stewart's not Scottish. Oh,. He can do a Scottish accent. But Patrick Stewart's not Scottish. Oh, but he can do a Scottish accent. He can, probably. Where's Patrick Stewart? Wasn't he English? I thought Patrick Stewart was Scottish. No, he's English.

And he's playing a Frenchman on the show, Jean-Luc Picard. But he didn't speak with a French accent, though. I think he's actually as French as the Klingons are African American. The thing is, Vin Diesel's so funny. And this is a funny podcast. Yeah, no, it's true, but are you satisfied with it? I think we all

have to agree on this, right? I'm fine with it. I think this is the only one that I've actually won. Then how about we go, then I say, we roll with it. I think this is the only one that I've actually won. Then how about we go Then I say we roll with this. No, then you say... Make it so. Make it so.

Dave comes in with a steer. Green light. Green light? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything gets a green light. What am I, cock blocking these? Yeah, that would be terrible if you did it last night. I think we have enough production companies involved because we have 40 minutes worth of... 40 minutes worth of little cartoon production company trailer.

Yeah. All right, everybody. Emmett, thanks so much for coming out. I don't know, do you have anything to plug, say, in the December region? November, December. I think every Sunday you'll be at... Most Sundays I do do the Sunday service.

I'm their piano man, and sometimes I get up on stage every once in a blue moon. And people can see that at the Hennessy. At the Hennessy restaurant. West Broadway in Manitoba. 53 West Broadway. Broadway in Ontario.

It's 9 p.m. Great restaurant. Amazing food. Great show, the Sunday service. Beautiful show. I do have something of my own to plug. Not Sunday Service-assisted. I have a comic strip called Starbun on the internet.

I post it weekly. If you need something after you've listened to your podcast, you can go to Starbun. Well, I guess you're done now anyway. Yeah. Starbun. Starbun.com? No, it's a blog.

So it's eminhall.blogspot.com but just type star bun into google it'll come up and you'll find it yeah star bun yeah it's every week it's hilarious yeah i can't well i can't wait to check it out myself yeah there's like 100 there's like 133 cartoons i put up that's my date tomorrow i love quantity yeah and i also uh today was the the quantity. And also, today was the premiere of Kid vs. Cat, the cartoon I animate on on YTV.

So maybe by the time this comes out it'll be on regularly. Emmett Hall, thank you so much for coming down. Hey, this was a dream come true. Oh, well. It was. We are in the dream granting business. Dave. $1,100 well spent. Well. $1,100 well spent.

Well, $1,000 well spent. Let's go. Guys, guys. Shaq, do you want to come in in your suit? Oh, he hit his head on the door, Jim. He's so tall. If people want to contact us, send us your funny prank ideas.

Yeah, and your overheards and your general well wishes. Yeah, at StopPodcastingYourself at gmail.com. And also, please do make a stop by at our blogs page. Dave updates lovingly every week. Beautiful, hilarious. I check it.

It's hilarious. It is hilarious. That's where I get all my downloads from. It adds an extra dimension to the podcast. Not that you need another dimension, but if you want another dimension, it's like the Criterion collection of podcast information. We started out in Laserdiscs. And here we

are. Now we're at Blogs. We've come a long way, baby. Stoppodcastingyourself.blogspot.com is where you go for that. And Graham, you're looking dapper. Well, thank you very much for saying so. Dave, it's been a pleasure. And we're going to have one more podcast before I vanish away for a month.

But that means nothing to the listener. But by the time that I get back, will be the week after, it'll be like no time has passed at all. Yeah. Yeah. Listener. Precious, precious listener. And yeah, any bumper that enjoys the show, feel free to pass along to your friends. We would like as many people who enjoy the show to be listening as possible.

And Dave, thanks a lot for all your good work. And I treasure your friendship. I treasure yours as well. And everybody out there who has been listening, thank you so much for listening. And come back next week for another thrilling edition of Stop Podcasting Yourself.