Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 380 - Adam Pateman

Episode Date: June 29, 2015

Adam Pateman returns to talk Orlando, facial memory loss, and Indian weddings.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody, welcome to episode number 280 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark, and with me as always is the always squeaky clean Mr. Dave Shumka. There it is. Yeah, I used Lever 2000.

That was you just rubbing your earlobe. Gross. You nasty. Janet, if you're nasty. Hi. Miss Jackson, if you You nasty. How can you say nasty? Hi. Miss Jackson if you're nasty. Oh yeah. No, I'm quoting a different song. Oh really? Yeah. The GoBots version?

Yeah. I'm quoting a song by Janet Gretzky. And our guest today Is a returning guest You've been on the show many many times Returning champion Yeah that's right Thank you

You beat out a lot of other contenders to be here Oh really? Yeah a lot of junior dancers A lot of spokesmodels A lot of singers A lot of What else did they have on Star Search? Fighters?

Yeah they had They had a fighting competition. Is it bad that I didn't dance? I just sort of, you messaged me, this all happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They danced. Yeah, and America voted. And they wanted you back. You were a junior vocalist and a teen

vocalist. Yeah, you were a teen vocalist. And a vocal group. And a spokesmodel. And your new one-man show is called alone in the universe that is correct it's mr adam pateman hey guys hello how are you guys welcome back thank you for having me uh i mean you know like i said america voted for it is out of my hands thanks for texting star 28 or whatever the hell it was yeah star, Star 28. If you want to vote for... Is that still a thing?

Can you still like text things to TV shows to... To vote? Yeah. I think they do stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah, America's Got Talent has a pound. And then you, yeah, and then you get a dollar added to your bill. Oh, that's right.

I don't remember voting eight times for David Archuleta. Yeah. I voted a hundred times for this? Oh, man, I'm not doinguleta. Yeah. I voted a hundred times for this. Oh man, I'm not doing meth anymore. Yeah. Do we want to get to know us? Oh yeah. Get to know us.

I think we should upgrade this studio to those seats from The Voice. So anytime we want to talk to each other we have to hit a button and turn our chairs around um this is the voice is it ever do they ever uh do like fun voice pranks where this chair turns around and there's just a pumpkin in it or something a bag of dog feces on fire but you only know it's dog feces because it says dog feces on the. But you only know it's dog feces because it says dog feces on the back. Yeah, devote for dog feces.

I don't know if it's going to read write dog feces on there. Pharrell, go over and step in that. Put it out with your giant hat. Now, Adam, you were just in Orlando, Florida. What? That is the truth. It's true. Now, Adam, you were just in Orlando, Florida. What?

That is the truth. It's true. This is like a weird setup from a bad talk show. Yeah, and you assaulted a mascot, and he's here today. Whoa. Yeah, those are the true things. Did you not know that? How would I know that?

How did you know that? On Facebook, I saw a picture of you. Yeah, that's true. I went to a water park on my birthday. It was great. But yeah, I was down there doing the show that- Like a water park with slides? Oh, I went to a Disney World water park, bro. Tell me all about it.

Oh my God, it was the best. I turned 31, and what better way to celebrate than to go to Typhoon Lagoon, which is a Disney water park, and it was the best. Are there, when you're underwater, is there like a singing crab? No, what was weird is they basically, the music that was playing the whole time

was just like the soundtrack to Pulp Fiction, which is really, or just like- Any of you fucking pricks. Just dialogue clips. Oh, that was cut. That part was cut. But yeah, it was all the same surf guitar songs, which was really weird. And all the clocks in the park were set to 420.

Was that in Pulp Fiction? Yeah. Really? Why? Just because it takes place out of order. Oh. So it was always 420 at each time? On purpose?

I think just to sort of like make it so you can't piece together the right order. Yeah. And also, you know. Well, yeah. Yeah. Oh, I get it. Like Memento, where it was 420 the whole time. It was because it's Quentin Tarantino's email address.

QuentinTarantino420 at Hotmail.com. It was a nod to his Hotmail. Yeah, he puts a nod to his various email accounts in all of his films. Yeah, Reservoir Dogs was more his Yahoo account. It was all. Yeah, one of the slaves in Django Unchained has a tattoo that reads. Tasty girl 21. Tasty girl?

Why is he tasty girl? I feel like that's just a nice quintessential email address. Yeah. I wouldn't put it past him. Footlover69. Yeah. At CompuServe.com. I think CompuServe, you just got a long, like, 10-digit number.

Yeah. The various emails of Quentin. So you went to a water park as an adult man yeah as an adult man by yourself no i was there with my girlfriend as well okay she came down for an adult man she is an adult man uh she's got a lot of good great work done um and i like these good really no it's great no it's great work yeah you should see it. We also went to, yeah, so I was there for the Fringe Festival that's down there. And then we also did Universal Studios and regular old Disney World, which was the best as well. Which was the better?

They can't all be the best. Universal Studios was the best for adults because they have miniature Springfield, which is great. Oh, okay. And Harry Potter World. This is a tiny Rick Springfield impersonator. Yeah. I actually had a Krusty Burger and a Duff Beer. And?

Yeah. Yeah, you're like, better on the cartoon. It was a big moment in my life. It was like my eight-year-old self was just like, you did it. And yeah. Now check off more things. Go touch a boob. You didn't have to do this all in this order you could have

well I can't do anything until I drink that duff beer now I can touch all the boobs in the park so what else is in the Springfield land there's Moe's Tavern there's Moe's Tavern Krusty Burger their house I. Yeah. And their house.

Krusty Burger. Right. Their house, I didn't see their, if their house was there, I didn't see it. I'm pretty sure it's not because it's a small little area. There was just like a figure of Chief Quimby standing by a police car, which you could take photos with. And it was right next to the DeLorean. Because I asked to get the DeLorean. Is Chief Quimby, you mean Mayor Quimby?

Whoa, did I say Chief Quimby? You said Chief Quimby. Whoa. Or Chief Wiggum. I meant Chief Wiggum. Guys, I got knivets.

Don't be nervous. I'm not. We're all friends here. Yeah. I mean, it's relative. Because we're close to a black hole.

That's what you mean. Right. So, what else is in, know i because like i went to universal studios when i was a youngster and it's probably all different now well the famous one when we were youngsters it's the one it was the one in hollywood and it's like the mechanical jaws jaws and the king kong indiana jones the giant ball is that part of it not when i was a kid not when I was a kid. Not when I was a youth. They hadn't opened that yet.

They didn't have the King Kong yet? No, they had King Kong and Jaws. That burned down. The King Kong thing? Yeah, the one in Hollywood burnt down. So now it's just like a weird theater that you ride into on the tour. And it's just like a movie, a 3D movie that plays around you. Wow.

I wonder if all the fur burnt off of that giant robot. And it was just like a giant robot monkey skeleton that was left. I'll bet you there's photos and I'll bet you it's worth it. Yeah. Oh man. It's going to be. Yeah. Um,

and then backdraft that was at the time was a popular. Oh, backdraft was good. Yeah. Oh, now is it like the, uh, water world

the water show no but i did a couple years ago i did go to the one in los angeles as well and uh it they had a water world because the movie water world is terrible no but that live show was so good the movie water world it's it's like gilly where it just took so much flack for being like it was the first movie to cost a hundred million dollars that's right and so it was like because they had to flood the planet earth yeah which you know which is actually quite profitable uh but i think they've made their money back yeah and it wasn't it's not as bad as uh people like it's same with ishtar like everybody said ishtar was so bad and then i saw it and i was like this isn't bad which one's ishtar it was a comedy set in the uh middle east i think it was warren b and dustin hoffman yeah warren b and dustin hoffman and it

was another one of those it was so expensive to make and then it didn't make its money back right away and everybody panned it same with water world but if you watch water world now you'd be like this is just mad max but wet but like yeah and with gilly it was ben affleck and j-lo were dating at the time oh yeah right and for months it was like this is gonna be so bad everyone knows it's bad already and it was it was regular bad yeah yeah it wasn't like like it nothing is as bad as battlefield earth right that was as bad as everybody said and not fun to watch i haven't yeah i haven't tried i won't see any movies with barry pepper are you an anti-barry pepper yeah oh wow I had you pegged as a pepper. I know that Dr. Pepper shirt says I'm a pepper, but I'm not.

And then what did you do in Disneyland? Because you're an adult, man. Have you ever been to a Disneyland, Disney World, I guess it is? I went to straight up Disneyland when I was a kid. And then Disney World had, it has Epcot Center, which is like more for adults. How so? They have booze oh okay and and they have city council but it's like world council so it's like really long and like lots of

yeah yeah very united nationsy um yeah they just had really good fireworks and like tequila for you guys mexico's right there. And they only hired people that didn't speak English for each of the different areas. If you walk to Mexico and then everyone only speaks Spanish and they're deliberately hired

to don't speak English to anybody. It would be authentic. Be difficult. But everybody's just being like, the taxi drivers around here. All Spanish. Big Spanish population in Vegas. Well, they were Sounds like the taxi drivers around here. Oh! All Spanish. Big Spanish population in Vegas. Well, they were hired not to speak English to me.

So you go in and you say, I would like a taco, and they go, they just speak to you in Spanish? Well, okay. I went to one place to go buy tequila, and this guy was like, oh, I can't. Nope. English is not. I can't. Nope. No, he said all these things in Spanish.

But then. Siesta. Close. And then when I went to Little Morocco, the same thing happened there. So it was only like two experiences. Oh, and then we ate. And then you were like, let's get the hell out. We ate in fake China.

She spoke English, but like. She's like, don't tell my supervisor. Yeah. We couldn't find there's no one in the world who speaks china they're chinese speaks china um you think that would be the easiest thing to find there's a billion oh yeah um now uh did you go on any rides where your feet were dangling? Yeah. At Harry Potter World, they had a really good...

That wasn't at Disney World, though. No. I was trying to confuse... I know the intellectual properties of where they... Who belongs to whom. Yeah, those dangly dangle feet rides are pretty good. Universal's got good dangle feet rides. No dangle feet rides at Disney World.

I'll say that. They're probably worried about shoe lawsuits. The shoe lawsuits. Yeah. Everyone watches Cinderella. Yeah, they go in with one real loose shoe. Yeah.

I went on this ride and it's always the same carny yeah are you my prince charming yeah sure yeah all right um so uh there are they fun these rides as an adult oh yeah yeah it's the best uh splash mountain is just falling it's like it's like a full 15 minutes of just weird cartoons singing at you and then a horrifying drop that gets you extremely wet and ruins everybody's phones and it is the greatest. They sell you phones on the way out.

They sell you rice on the way out. Yeah. If you can look at a compilation of all the Splash Mountain photos that they take of people falling, they're always funny. Yeah. They're pretty good. Like do people not, is it a surprise when you're going to fall on Splash Mountain?

I knew it was coming just, well, yeah, when you walk in, you can see people falling. Like the whole time you're in line, you're just like, oh yeah, that'll be us in an hour. Yeah, yeah. Those soaked people over there, that's gonna be us. Baby. No, Adam, I feel like more so than most of our guests, you are a kid at heart. Yeah.

Oh, thank you. Yeah. I'd like to think so. No follow-ups. Correct. Moving on. So, good time. And your show went well in Orlandolando yeah i went really well down

there and uh what is the show uh it's my water world show he plays jet skier number four it's better than the movie yeah no it's a sketch show i uh it's like my one-man sketch show uh where i uh i'm i'm just me and i get like in the'm, like, sent to the center of the universe to find the meaning of existence. And then I'm forced by this omniscient voice to do a sketch show to prove that the human race is worthy of knowing the meaning of existence. And so it's just, like, it was a way for me to, like, put a bunch of sketches and stories that I wanted to do for a show in like a linear format that I thought was funny. And did people, it was well received? People liked it? Yeah.

They laughed in the right places? That's how you judge it. Yeah. I even recorded, because this is the first time I mounted this show, and I'm doing it again in September. But yeah, so I recorded all the shows and took note of where the laughs weren't and where they were unexpectedly. And you'll just add laughs later. Yeah. We'll sweeten the show.

All right. There's a bunch of sound cues. Hey, tech guy. Yeah. Yeah, tech guy. There's a hoot and a woo there. Not a woot, then a hoo, okay? Jeez.

Play a sound. I'm going to be the best. Play a laugh track at a live show. Well, at the Chuck E. Cheese, they do that. Oh, yeah. When the Chuck E. Cheese Funtime band plays a song, they'll tell jokes. They are not called the Chuck E. Cheese Funtime.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they'll tell jokes in between and they'll add laughs to a live audio. Those jokes were really... But not live performers. But those robots, they didn't know when to pause for laughter. They were just servo machines.

They didn't know. Well, I mean, there was one they built to understand emotions, and it went on a killing spree. It wrote all the songs for the band. How about another song about pizza? Oh, man. And so what else is new? i knew you went to orlando i thought that was a fun little fun little what didn't we know yeah what don't we know what don't you know about me today about me today um i'll guess how many coffees i had today i'll bet you don't know this four i got it. First try.

Pretty good. Knocks it out of the park. What's an average coffee day like? That is my average coffee day. Oh, okay. It needs to be less. I'm trying, but. You're a real kid at heart.

A real kid who loves coffee at heart. Kid who's stunting his girl. Graham, what's your coffee intake? Zero. Well, really, fool. Yeah, yeah. For how long has that been true? For a while.

You just smoke cigarettes now? Yeah. And I drink Monster Energy Drink in the morning. I wake up, I have a Monster Energy Drink. I have one for lunch. And I have a sensible dinner. I drink. Then I have a Monster Energy Drink before I go to bed.

It really gives, it lets me power through that sleep. Yeah. I'm just killing zombies in my dreams. How many coffees do you drink? I drink a monster energy drink.

And it's, it's not that fun. It's not that fun, but like on paper, it looks like it should be a lot fun. Yeah. I'm getting this weird widow's peak because of that.

I don't know. I try to drink two a day. No more than two a day. No less either. I try to, yeah, one at home and one out. So you make a coffee? I make a coffee. You make a coffee?

I was making a coffee. I was cheating. I had the little Tassimo discs. Oh, yeah. But then I found out that they are destroying everything. They're destroying the planet? You just put one of those discs under your lip and you suck on it all the time? Oh, yeah. But then I found out that they are destroying everything. They're destroying the planet? You just put one of those discs under your lip

and you suck on it all? Oh, man. And you spit out the, the grounds? Yeah. Oh, so, so no,

why are they, why are they ruining the planet? Because they're plastic discs? Or are they? I think given the guy who like invented them was just like, I think recently was like quoted as them was just like, I think recently

it was quoted as saying, I'm sorry! That was the big quote. Didn't expect this to be successful. Yeah, I thought it was one of those ideas. I thought it was so dumb. It's great if you want to make lattes with no effort at all,

but for regular coffee it was alright. But every time you make a cup of coffee, it was all right. Yeah. But like, and every time you make a cup of coffee, it's just like, well, that's like 18 plastic bags worth of plastic that you can't recycle because it's like, there's coffee grounds in it.

All right. Composite. So yeah, that's the whole, the whole thing. Oh, wow. And so you're like,

now you just go, what? Go to four cups of coffee at a coffee shop. Um, you could be sponsoring four kids. I stop at JJB on the way to work and then at work they have unlimited coffee.

Bad gas station coffee at work. You work at a bad gas station. B-A-D-D. Color me bad gas station? Yeah. They want to sex up your tank. Remember gas stations used to give away stuff? Yeah. They want to sex up your tank. Remember when gas stations used to give away stuff? Yeah.

Collectible glasses. My dad would come home with a Playmobil set. Those Campbell soup bowls? Those Campbell soup bowls are like collector's items now. Which are the little plastic ones? The ones with little kids playing hockey on the side of them. Oh, yeah. Petro-Canada, maybe?

Yeah. Maybe it was Petro canada yeah but like what was the deal with that was it at a time when people just didn't want to buy gas it was like uh come to our gas place it's better but why why did they abandon that now why isn't there why don't i get prizes for gas now it was i remember getting it you're just pouring gas into a storm drain. Oh, I want that kibble

soup. It might have been because you had to interact with another human being to get gas.

If you got full service, I think you got it. I remember it being delivered to the window

if it was like, ah, clean my windows, and my dad was an old gangster. But even

self-service, you had to go in. Yeah. Because the credit card machines were all the ka-chunk, ka-chunk, ka-chunk ones. Oh, back when it was ka-chunk. Yeah.

How did that work? Did they then have to send that, like, flimsy paper to the credit card company, and then they- Look, I did a- Yeah, I did the cha-chunk. I did an impression of this guy's card. And then the, what, the credit card company would then mail you a check? No. Or how would that work?

Would mail the gas station a check? would mail the gas station a check? Oh boy, I don't know. No, I think it would just, it would charge your credit card and if it didn't go through, then the credit card company will still pay the gas station?

Is that how it works? Because there was no, it's not going, your card is declined back then. You could give them a card and they just went to chunk to chunk and you signed and that's the way you went. I don't think they would mail it.

They would probably just take it to the bank. Yeah, but they'd take all these slips to the bank. That's so crazy. That still happens. That's still a thing that you have to do. People who work in retail and stuff have to go to the bank and talk to a human being. Brother, do you get any prizes to go to the bank? The bank used to give away prizes.

Yeah, they were the big, you know, open an account, get a toaster. Now it's an iPad mini. Oh, it is? I want to get a toaster. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you can put an iPad mini in a toaster. Ooh.

Have you seen the video of a guy, this is completely unrelated, but the guy blending a toaster? Yeah, they do that. Blending a toaster? Yeah, there's like, this guy does this. Will it blend? Will it blend? Yeah, I've seen him blend phones and stuff, but I've never seen him put a full toaster. And he did it with an iPad, too, and he had to break it and fold it up and put it.

It was more amazing than I thought it would be. I don't know what the return appeal is on that because it always blends. Yeah, it's always going to blend. But the iPad didn't look like what I thought it would look like at the end. It was like a black powder. Yeah, there's dust. Like if you inhale it, you get a hundred tumors in your lungs. I saw a video of somebody puncturing an like it's uh it fucking explodes it goes crazy

it like billows up and then it shoots kind of like chemical fire out of it uh it's like that dinosaur from the things oh you know yeah the ink shooting dinosaur yeah the one that blinds newman is what I'm trying to get. Do you think that dinosaur is going to make a cameo in the Jurassic World? For sure, guys. For sure, man. That's probably out by now. Dude, you guys like it? Yeah, I liked it, okay?

I like the part where they did the thing that was a callback to the original. It's June 29th now. that was a callback to the original. It's June 29th now. The one thing that worries me about this Jurassic Park movie, it's supposed to be so good, is that the commercials for Dairy Queen, that's who they're doing a promotional sponsorship with. Yeah.

That's pretty far down. That's like Arby's level. Can you imagine a movie that was associated just with army well the one with just with dairy queen is pretty much pretty bad oh yeah because i used to think like if you were associated with subway the movie was in trouble a center a pet detective too exactly right yeah uh probably the mask too also no that would be something you would get at arby's what would be a movie that would be associated with arby's an earnest film maybe yeah garfield 2 like animated or like 3d yeah yeah garfield any breckenmeyer movie um yeah like uh oh that is weird dairy queen because they're not

they aren't they still in the Dennis the Menace? Yes, I was just about to say, they've still got old. No, they're past that, but that was forever. My entire childhood, it was like, we're the Dennis the Menace company. Is it not still in the Blizzard Cup? It's not still in the Blizzard Cup. Oh, okay. I remember being there like five years ago and being like, there they are.

Snow fighting. Snow fighting! Snowball fighting! Snowball throwing Dennis. It's a collectible cup where Dennis and Miss gets savagely ripped apart by a dinosaur. Yeah, it was weird. They weren't even collectible cups.

It was just the everyday cup. It's got Dennis the Menace on it forever. Did he have any friends?is the man joey joey weird little guy was he hairless was joey hairless i feel like he was oh i might be thinking of charlie brown but joey was like another neighborhood kid that like getting into yeah trouble yeah he was like super younger I think it was like a toddler, but like it was, it was for some reason there's like 10 year old kids friend. Yeah.

And wasn't there a girl? Wasn't there a girl that would come around and be like, switch that little ass around. Yeah. Hey boy. Hey, Mr. Wilson.

It was very controversial at the time. Not now. Now that's now it's super cool um yeah uh what the avengers movie was that was subway yeah i just thought like was it really yeah well i'm not sure mcdonald's does anything anymore yeah because they used to be the that was the golden yeah it would be like flintstones movie mcdonald's oh yeah they were rib for that yeah yeah would they call it a bronto rib or something put put rosie o'donnell in the commercial they bring over a mcrib to the car the car tips over like in the intro of the tv yeah rosie o'donnell says is tipping allowed here oh yeah yeah wow why didn't they do a reboot of that yeah reboot that ad

they used to be slathered on way harder in the 90s I feel like when they were just like this movie is associated

with Pepsi like it was way bigger like remember KFC had a Simpsons thing in like 93 or whatever

oh yeah back in 93 oh yeah yeah in like the beginnings of the golden age or whatever but like I remember they tried to like in 93 oh yeah yeah when like the beginnings of the golden age or whatever but like i remember they tried to like make kfc they tried to make their own like slogan or things that like catchphrases for the simpsons right i remember i had like a kfc cup

that had homer simpson on it and it just said uh uh like me hello like there i guess that's him the way he answers the phone. But they're really trying to push it. Like, why does KFC give us so much of a shit? If you work in marketing, there's nothing, there's no less rewarding job than working in marketing. Like, every idea is a strikeout. And yet they treat themselves like it's a home run.

Yeah. Yeah. We really nailed it on that bringing back Colonel Sanders. Did you see that? They brought back Colonel Sanders. Yeah, rapping Colonel Sanders? Or did they re-bring him back? They re-brought him back.

Now it's Daryl Hammond from SNL. And he's Colonel Sanders. Is he the voice of Colonel Sanders? No, he's in the costume. Oh, he's like the new Hamburglar. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's a sexy new colonel sanders for this generation new hamburglar is that supposed to be sexy

well isn't he you kind of have to i think you missed the point i thought it was supposed to be a sexy new hamburglar isn't that the whole he's kind of like rob yeah he's like adam levine we spent all our jurassic park money on this sorry jurassic park but uh cruel intentions cup at orange julius also like i think like a car had a tie-in with the avengers movie and that didn't make any sense to me the avengers edition of the dodge durango or something that's the one the one movie that i've been saving that i need to see i'm saving it no one can see it until i say yeah the avengers yeah i haven't seen the new save the date you put an invitation yeah it's weird i kind of consider you like a kid at heart

that's why he has to wait until his parents are ready to take him exactly right i uh wait till you're 13 yeah i don't know i uh i yeah i'm a late i'm not a late bloomer when it is that the words i want to use i'm a late bloomer i don't know i'm a late bloomer for summer films i always see them way too late and you see them in the fall uh yeah okay when they're toonie tuesday uh which is already i don't know the last summer movie i saw in the fall? Yeah. Okay. When they're Toonie Tuesday, which is already. I don't know the last summer movie I saw in the theater. No. The first Transformers.

That was a bummer. Oh, man. Who was that? That must have been an Arby's. GoPro. No, no. No? What do you think?

Chipotle? Somebody was trying to make their mark like oh we landed transformers uh hardy's no uh just keep naming them denny's perkins oh yeah sometimes denny's does stuff too yeah and then you're like who who are you trying to cut like drunks yeah it's like you're you're uh you're yeah you're food for drunk people and you're a claw machine. Do you just put promotional items in the claw machine? Which movie was Denny's? Who were they partnering with?

They've definitely partnered with like Snow Dogs or Mystery Alaska. Oh, you just got to think about what's in that claw machine. Whatever those characters are, that's it. That's your answer. The SpongeBob movie. Yeah. Oh, yeah. But, like, those movies that are, like, or the ads where they, like, they show clips from the movie and they're, like, and also go to Subway.

Or it's a Subway ad and then they're, like, and also see this movie. Oh, yeah. What's, oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I like how in Minority Report're like ah buy a lexus but but it was like the only lexus that they had in the movie were like future ones that didn't exist

at all yeah uh so if i can buy today's lexus i'll be able to change it in for a future lexus when you guys invent those lexus lexi um uh yeah i don't know man anyway so we all enjoyed all the summer offerings yeah this year jurassic world uh-huh fury road uh-huh did you see that uh the mad max yeah the mad max that's like that's how an old person uh would ask for the ticket is it good one for the mad yes it is good i've heard i saw it after my Universal Studios day like at Universal Studios there's like a theater there and we were all just gobbling up entertainment.

There was so much stimulus that day and then we're like oh, let's relax with this movie and it was the most stimulating movie visually. Yeah.

Just like had to like close my eyes like away for like a full two minutes being like I'm gonna have a heart attack. It was pretty good. Also, you would have had a hundred cups of coffee.

That's maybe true. Yeah, when you're on holiday, do you just go wild with coffee? The intake stays the same. Orlando's known for its coffee. They only have styrofoam cups for everything. Can I get a cup of water?

Giant styrofoam. I forget that vancouver is like so progressive when it's corn cups but like every single thing you buy there and adam's talking about a corn a cob that's hollowed out yeah they fill it with yeah it's like one of those pipes it's like a popeye pipe yeah there's just some guy in the back drilling corn cobs why can't people just use plastic cups um dave what's going on with you, man? Here's what's going on with me. Oh, not a heck of a lot.

My new thing is I forget words and stuff. Sure, I think we all have that problem. Well, I'm in my 30s now, and think it happened happens faster when you have a child that you forget people's names and uh uh words and like you know the names of fast food restaurants and you know summer movies yeah sure sure sure uh but my new thing that i'm losing is uh just like any idea who a person is. Like not even a celebrity person. Like I've been, it's happened twice in the last week where I've been walking past someone and I've thought to myself, I know this person.

I do not know where I know this person from. Oh, wow. And I do not know if this person knows me or like, do I know this person like as the sibling of of Abby's friend? Right. Or do I know this person as like they were on the same page of a high school yearbook as my high school girlfriend? Oh, wow. But it's not you're not like this, you know, could be somebody from a yearbook or it could be that guy who saved my life one time.

Yeah. It's not one of those things. No. Like it's, you're in the obscure zone. In the obscure zone. Like not, I don't feel like I'm snubbing them by not talking to them, but I do have a moment of like, I, we, we know each other, but let's not. Yeah. Are you saying that like in your thirties brain, you're like weeding out people in your let's not. Yeah. Are you saying that like in your 30s brain,

you're like weeding out people in your life? Maybe. Maybe? Maybe. Well, no, I've been doing that for you. But like. I saw you twice earlier today and didn't say hi. I do that all the time now.

Like I live on Main Street and it's just like, that's where everyone I know lives. And anytime I see someone like on a patio looking at a menu, I'm like, oh, I could go say hi to Austin. But like. Don't call Steve Austin? Yeah, that was him. I'll have the beers. Bring it to me in a six pack so I can really slosh it around on everybody.

But is that bad? Are we bad people for not wanting to stop? Especially if it's something that like you're friends with, but you're like, I don't know. I don't have it in me right now. That's a good thing. Here's a thing that I was chatting about with a guy that was in a small town a couple of weeks ago. Because I was like, I don't understand. Because I didn't grow up in a small town.

I was born in a small town. Yeah. Well, I don't know what the next line of that song is. I was like, do you get high in a small town i've never i was born in a small town yeah well i don't know what the next line of that song is i was like do you get high learn to fear jesus in a small town um little pink houses but the people in small towns they do that all the time they're always they said like it takes forever to go to the grocery store because you stop and talk to everybody. And then in the big city, you don't. Yeah.

You don't talk. You go out of your way to not talk to people. Plus, in this era of social media. That's true. I could just send you an emoji. I ignored you in my feed, and I'll ignore you to your face. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've unfollowed you online and in life you still

exist you're still there yeah but i'm not listening right yeah talk to the hand uh oh that's more relevant now than ever talk to the the like thumb um but yeah like but yeah no i just have no idea who these people are but i think that's because then you would have to go okay where because maybe they're doing the same thing with you yeah and is it well no i'm i'm famous i was thinking about it uh in this in this town of ours yeah here's how famous i think i am go on i'm exactly as famous as I can't. The level I've reached, I can no longer call into a radio contest. You're radio famous. Yeah, well, people would recognize my voice.

Dave didn't know the trivia answer. Dave couldn't identify the mystery sound. You guys are like, I'd say you're like Nardwar famous. Well, no. That's pretty good. No, because Nardwar is a guy, he couldn't just like pee in an alley. I figured the fact that I can still pee in an alley. Which he would never do.

Actually, I don't know. Well, how do you know? He seems like a pretty together guy these days. Listen, you can be together, but you can just be very far from your house or any available toilet if i can pee behind a dumpster so can ardwar yeah yeah yeah that's i have that tattooed on my wrist yeah uh lindsey lohan has breathed in yours is here's what here are the rules of peeing if i can do it nard work and do it i'm just looking out for him but what yeah like what's the best case scenario if you did remember who it was as some oh exactly like you're like wow we're gonna

come home later and be like hey guess who i saw today yeah yeah i guess that's it yeah i guess that's the whole payoff i guess i guess he lives or works near us uh do you ever do that game when somebody says guess who i ran into today and then you guess you go way high woody harrelson yeah no no be serious uh woody allen um do you do that do you did you're you're from here vancouver yeah born and raised you also yeah so you you have more people generations of people that you don't want to run into oh yeah yeah yeah oh yeah i can run it run into people from high school have you ever uh run into somebody elementary school yeah preschool yeah yeah i don't think I would. The hospital you were born in. They start to filter off as you age. It's like they realize

that the city's too. Because all my friends are now starting to have childs. Like yourself. But you're staying whereas some of them are just like, ah, the city, too much. Too much expenses. So where do they go? I don't know. That's the thing. They either stay in the suburbs where I met them or they're off to new suburbs to start new Vancouver's. Yeah.

Oh. I don't know. Have you ever run into, had to chat with somebody who is a friend of an ex girlfriend? Oh, yeah. Yeah. That is the biggest waste of time. Or the ex-girlfriend of a friend. Oh, yeah.

It's hard to say which one's worse because you're like the ex-girlfriend of a friend. You're like, boy, did I never want to see you again. But. Or the ex-boyfriend of a friend. And also like having to keep track of who has dated who how did they break up i wish i'd paid attention i got in a conversation with a guy who was a friend of a girl that i dated no i'm bored yeah i was bored instantly i was like how did i how do i get out of this? It was on the bus.

And are they always, it was like a social cues person who just like didn't pick up and they were just like, it had an ending. You had a way out, but they just didn't see it. It also had a not beginning in that I had to pull my earbuds out to talk to them. So it was avoidable. Did you ever at any point go, go well and put your earphones back in well i was in the middle of listening to culio and i'd like to hear how this whole thing works about yeah but this fantastic voyage he's on um yeah i don't know it just feels like i want that time back do you think he listened to the show i don't care i don't care oh yeah okay yeah and uh i i support his decision to become a juggalo that's true he got a tattoo he uh he's bald but still is keeping

the dreadlock yeah he did the pledge uh is there a pledge? Yeah, I'm sure there is. I pledge my allegiance to a hatchet man. Yeah, and the Faygo for which he stands. One nation under Shaggy Tudor. United forever and ever. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know how magnets work either. No.

Well, nobody does And that's Yeah I was just thinking about running into One of the juggalos on the bus And being like where do I know you from Oh I don't know you You're one of the insane clown posse Are they wearing the makeup

No no they have the makeup off Are you Guy Fieri Oh I imagine. That's just like, it's been an elaborate ruse the whole time. It's just been Guy Fieri. Oh, see, if the internet didn't exist, you could start a whole Guy Fieri is actually one of the insane clown posse. It makes sense, man, because of Donkey Saw.

Yeah, and you never see them together at the same restaurant openings um graham what's going on with you i uh this is got back no this is uh this is a different thing but i did i just got back from uh touring but you're saving that you bet i am uh i went to uh for the first time ever, I went to an Indian wedding. What? Yeah. Oh, right. Yeah, exactly.

We smashed some plates and stepped on a glass. Muzzle talk. Yeah. And man, oh man, it was gigantic. Where was it? I only went to the reception part. It was out in Surrey at a hall. That's what they do.

That's the whole purpose of that place, which I've never been. I don't think I've ever been to a wedding that's at a place that it's like, this is it. This is all we do is wedding. Were there like 10 weddings going on and they wanted you in and out? There was one upstairs and then a much smaller one downstairs. Wow, I've never been to that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was one upstairs and then a much smaller one downstairs. Wow. I've never been to that. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Where it's just a building where it's like weddings. That's all we do. It's not a hotel. It's not a church. It's nothing else. Yeah.

Community hall. So, and it was huge. It was like, I think somebody told me there was 600 people. At this one wedding. At this one wedding, which is uh crazy like what's the biggest wedding you've ever been to i don't know a hundred maybe yeah ours had 80 yours had 80 how about you maybe like 150 yeah so it's just like i insane man like it was i've never seen anything like it yeah open bar oh for 600 people damn yeah and uh and uh like it was was a comedian here in Vancouver named Ryan.

So he was the white contingent of the marriage. And then his wife is Raji. And as soon as we walked in, there was a guy at the, he's like, your table's over there. And they had a live band, which I've never been to a wedding with a live band before. I saw pictures of this, and I was like, because I, at our wedding, I invited comedian folk.

Yeah, but maybe eight comedian folk. Oh, no, this was, and I was like, how did so many comedians get invited? Oh, 600 people went. Yeah, yeah. He was just probably looking for people to invite at a certain point yeah needed to needed to balance out his side of the because

yeah his side it was kind of a an area you walked in and then there was this the huge side of the hall was her uh family and friends and well-wishers and then uh his side was very tiny. That's what I was wondering because I saw these photos on Facebook as well. And it looked like it was just Ryan, his wife, and only comedians. I'm like, that's weird that they had a wedding where it was only people who worked the clubs. But now that you're describing it as being like that,

it makes way more sense. It looked like it was exclusively like a comedy wedding. Wouldn't it be hilarious if we made a fake wedding for Facebook? Yeah, that's basically. But it was, yeah, it was just like the scope of it was so huge. Live band, which I've never seen that at a wedding. Who are they? Oh, Lit.

Oh. Yeah. What was their one? Yeah, they just kept singing that. And then they told me that. Yeah, Lit was the band. And they did a very, Please tell me why.

My socks are in the front door. And I'm lit. And then. They also had that one where they were a little tiny band playing on a giant Pamela Anderson. Oh, them. Now I know. And it had gross lyrics? The lyric was, you make me come

completely miserable that's right good work good wedding um but they did a thing where the band did a set see i don't remember the people i see on the street but i'll remember the complete works of lit your brain knows what's important that's right. The band would do a set, and all the younger folk, and mostly the groom's side, would dance very badly, very disjointed kind of dancing. And then they would play a DJ set of Punjabi music,

and everybody seemed to know the dance everybody was very from like a bollywood picture well no it was like it was like songs like north american songs but like with a punjabi beat oh bangra bangra i love bangra thank you nobody loved i you're you're just trying to impress no no impress a very up and coming. I had no idea what it was. And then Pandora had a station. And I'm like, oh, I'll give this a whirl. And I was like, I am enjoying this way more than I anticipated.

Oh, you would have loved this wedding. Because when they hit that music, the dance floor was completely flooded. And it was all ages. And they all knew the dance to do. So I don't know how that happened. Hey, bangragrana. Yeah. And the thing is, too, at an Indian wedding, everybody's in these beautiful colors.

Yeah. Like, because, you know, white guy wedding, uh, just black and grays, you know, funeral tones, but it was so colorful. It was like a new year's Eve thing. It was great. Uh,

and then there was a buffet and I just ate until I was nearly sick. Oh yeah. Yeah. It just kept eating and eating. Those good vegetarian food. Yeah. Culture. They were making non like on on site on like two bakers

like making naan oh wow yeah it was crazy it was crazy my like the number one place i want to go is india just because someone told me that it was just like everything there is just very just very everything it's just it's very it's very loud it's very like colorful it's just like yeah yeah like yeah well what do you want to do what do you just want to tour around backwards seinfeld episode i i would be fun yeah i feel like timberlands it's like one of those places where i'd want to go for like a couple months you know like oh because i could really get in there yeah yeah it is like it's too much to see if you were like there for a weekend you'd just be like you'd be overwhelmed with diarrhea you'd

be yeah i feel like you'd need like a week to adjust before you can enjoy it that's how i felt about this wedding i was like oh when it was when it was over i was like i feel like i just just was getting into this of this wedding and oh man this wedding. Oh, man. That, yeah. The open bar was crazy. What does it cost? What is it? Did you ask? Hey, what did this whole chin dig cost?

We found out how much the band cost and it was so much money. Really? Yeah. I mean, lit. Yeah. How much do you think

lit goes for? Oh, boy. I mean, they're up there with like sponge. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like, it's, I mean, they're up there with like sponge. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like, it's, I don't know. Like it's a lot.

It's probably $100,000, something like this. Was it a large family? Like tons of people in the family? 600 people. It was all family. Sounds like a lot of it was comedians. Or is that all just buddy buddies? But that was extended families?

Yeah. Did they all put money into it, maybe? I don't know. Or is this just like... Although... I think they give cash presents. Okay. Yeah, there's a thing.

I didn't go to the actual wedding part, but apparently after the ceremony, the groom and bride sit... Hold everyone upside down and shake their money up. They sit in chairs, and everybody just walks by them and gives, just gives them money. They both sit there with like a. Cash or an envelope. Envelope.

Classy. Yeah. But then somebody told me that they saw a guy put money in and take out change. Yeah. Which. Do you have anything smaller? Definitely. Was that a comedian? That sounds like a comedian. Yeah. Do you have anything smaller? Was that a comedian?

That sounds like a comedian. Yeah. Oh, no, I hear some jangling in there. I'll go see if I can find some toonies. Yeah, so it was... I only had one drink, and I just wanted... It's unfair, the amount I put in.

I put a 50 in there, and come on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I only had a little bit of naan bread. I put a 50 in there and come on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I only had a little bit of naan bread. I didn't dance to any of the songs. So I didn't take advantage of any of the amenities. I didn't use the bathroom. Get charged to use the bathroom? Sure, why not?

Anyways, I can't recommend Indian weddings enough. They are the best. Indian weddings enough they're the best whoo and just like it was the fact that everybody seemed to know this dance was what blew my mind the most that everybody but then when it was

white guy dancing it was like you know what I mean by the cha-cha slide is it called the cha-cha slide it's big on the east coast in the states at least where it's like I can mash potato I can do the twist it's like... I can mash potato. I can do the twist. It's this great... I used to be a birthday party host in New York, and there was...

Oh, right! So these kids... You made balloon animals? I did make balloon animals. And these kids would know this song. They put on this song called... I'm pretty sure it was the Cha-Cha Slide. And it was just this great kids-friendly song.

And it was the best dancing I've ever seen from people. These little kids did this birthday dance. I'm like, oh, man. But it was like you said, typical white wedding is very brown, Texas. Everyone's wearing beige and brown. Let's just let them talk. Well, at one point, two comedians tied their neckties together and did some weird dance fight. And I was like, see?

See, that's great. No, that was not. That was on the bad end of the spectrum. And then when all the grandmothers knew this same dance as the kids, a generational dance that they passed on was the greatest. It was a culture shock, but in the best way i gotta get invited to more weddings yeah yeah yeah well no you know what you can just crash them i saw a documentary oh yeah yeah yeah okay vince vaughn narrates it it's on the wedding crashers dvd it's a documentary yes uh how to crash a wedding with v Vaughn. Mm-hmm. Ah.

Well, do you guys want to move on to some overheards? You know what I do, but only after these messages. All right. Hello, buddies. I'm Travis McElroy. And I'm Andy Bolt. And we're the hosts of Bunker Buddies. We're a podcast where we're amateur survivalists, and we talk about things like the apocalypse.

And we talk about zombies and preparedness. What are you going to wear when it's the apocalypse? And you have no idea if you don't listen to our show. It comes out every Wednesdays on MaximumFun.org and on iTunes. Sometimes we try weird foods or we talk about where to camp or how to avoid getting eaten or any of these things. Yeah, so listen to us because it might just save your life. We'll see you in the bunker. Bye. Hey, folks, this is Kevin Allison. If you love Maximum Fun Podcast,

but you don't yet know about Risk, you don't know what you're missing. Check us out. Risk is the show where people tell true stories

they never thought they'd dare to share in public. So it's kind of like This American Life or The Moth, but way, way more uncensored.

On Risk, we say nothing is inappropriate until something is. Every episode is an emotional rollercoaster. Hilarious stories, shocking stories, horrifying stories, heartbreaking stories, tear-jerking stories. Risk is just jam-packed with stories you'll never forget, many from people you already know and love. So find us at iTunes or at risk-show.com or, of course, at maximumfun.org. Risk! Overheard.

Overheard's a segment, at this point in the show, where people, you, you, and me, and you out there, have heard things, and then you want to share them. I hear things. And we always like to start with the guests. All right, guys, here we go. Here it is. Now, full disclosure. No, don't disclose. No, disclose.

I told these guys what my overheard was five minutes ago. And so now their reactions are going to be. Did you ever see that movie Disclosure? That's what this overheard is. Michael Keaton as Michael Crichton. Oh, yeah. Michael Douglas as Demi Moore. Oh, yeah.

I saw. And I also, for reasons I cannot explain, read the book. I'll tell you why. Because there was a sex scene in the movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think that's what I was aiming for. And it was at peak Demi Moore. Yeah, but those were back in the days where you had to read a book cover to cover.

You couldn't just scan through them. Oh, this wasn't even to give away at a show? No, no, no. This was back when the movie came out. For some reason, I had my hands on a copy of disclosure and read it spicy sex scenes yeah in but it was it was a reverse sexual harassment yeah yeah i also read the comic book adaptation that was a burger king copro burger king presents disclosure starring spawn uh spawn poor spawn uh anyways so we have heard this but give it some but i was give it some great all right i'll really uh i'll really spice why did you just close that it's fun to keep things real um and this isn't even mine so

that's what makes it extra bad i i don't know. There's like a year. I'm sure I've gotten other ones, but this is the one I can remember. And this is just, this happened to my girlfriend. We were at the public pool, which is a great place to, I guess, overhear people in the change room. Yeah, absolutely. This is what she heard. So it was like commercial drive.

It was like the Britannia Center, that like really gross pool. And this girl was trying to like. It's puke. Yeah, it's was like commercial drive. It was like the Britannia center, that like really gross pool. And, uh, this girl was trying to like puke. Yeah. It's very pukey there. And, uh, this girl was leaving and she was putting on, like, she was debating whether she should put her hair in a bun or like leave it straight. She's like, oh, how should I put it up? So I said, how should I like style my hair? And her friend just said, just be.

Haha. Yeah. Yeah. Just let it go, man it go just be just do it these are all sorts of mantras that uh graham practiced this when adam first told yeah that's great yeah it's pretty good though right that's as good as oh man but yeah like and i love that that's such a vancouver-y answer just be yeah? Just be, yeah. Yeah. That'd be a fun tattoo to get, say, just be in the picture

of Bea Arthur. On your wrist. On your knuckle. It's like a picture of her biting her knuckle, and there's a tattoo on that of her biting her knuckle. Let's go get matching Bea Arthur tattoos. Yeah. Dave, do you

have an overheard? Here's what mine is. Uh, uh, I was, uh, at sport check. Oh,

fun. Yeah. What were you buying? Golf clubs? Shorts. I was buying a pair of athletic shorts. Two pairs of athletic shorts, actually.

Yeah. Cause I lost my old athletic shorts. In a bet? In a gambling? Yeah. In a gambling match? I don't know. I wonder if I maybe, if there's like, I put away seasonal clothing. my old athletic shorts in a bet in a gambling yeah in a gambling match i don't know i wonder

if i maybe if there's like i put away seasonal clothing and then lost it i wonder if that's a possibility yeah those shorts will turn up if if you guys ever move those shorts are gonna uh yeah turn up um uh atop a flagpole oh yeah anybody. When we, when we get pranked by our rivals. Yeah. Your, your neighbors. Yep. Um, and while, uh, I was, uh, in line holding my shorts, uh, there was a, a man buying stuff. Yeah.

And he had like an eight year old son and the eight year old son was holding up an aerobie. That was the, that Frisbee. Okay. That big circular Frisbee with a hole in the middle. Oh, yeah. Fun. From the makers of the AeroPress coffee thingy. Is that true?

Yeah. No. Yes. I believe you. No, you don't. We all don't. It's true, though. And the kid was holding it up and going, Dad, can I get this? Can I get this, up And going dad can I get this

Can I get this dad dad can I get this Answer me Can I get this Dad just completely ignoring him Answer me and then the kid in his head he's like Not only answer me He sort of like reached the next step Say yes

Say yes And we're all everyone in line is looking this kid loving this kid apparently mortified yeah yeah peer pressure say yes dad say can i get this stop ignoring me and then the dad dad is like uh we'll talk. And the kid's like, but when we talk, will you say yes? Really trying to incept his dad there. Wow, I love it. I love the aggressive nature of this kid. And also, buy your kid a Frisbee.

Yeah. But, you know, go get one from the dollar store. That's true. Don't buy a fancy sport. He's just going to throw it over in Mr. Wilson's yard. I feel like I'd be so happy my kid wanted something that wasn't an app. Or something that wasn't super inappropriate for him to have. Buy me these condoms.

Dad, buy them. Buy me Leisure Suit Larry in the Land of the Land of the Lizards. Do you remember that game? Which one? Leisure Suit Larry in the Land of the Land of the Lizards Do you remember that game? Which one? Leisure Suit Larry I remember I kind of But it was like a sex

I don't think I ever played it Like a sex computer game Was it like 2000? No I was way older 90 Really? Yeah

No I never played it It was made by Sierra Games It was the same kind of format as the Police Quest or Space Quest video games. Oh, yeah. Where you reach a place and you have to do stuff in that environment. I never played it. I wonder if I could get my hands on it now.

Would I get a nostalgic erection? Who was it for? Because it was like... I don't know. Was it for adult men who wanted to play a sexy video oh no it's for sure for uh adult men to buy and uh younger kids to covet yeah that's that was the market was uh you got some kids uh that you want to make the number one most shoplifted game of 1991 um what if there was a kid that's like,

but mom, I'm learning how to read using Leisure Suit Larry. She's like, well, that is the only thing you'll read. What was the concept of the game? He's a lovable loser. He's a slime ball. It's not the same thing. And he's trying to have sex. He's trying to, or find love.

But he was meeting sexy women. And I've seen screen captures of it. Yeah. It's very, very good. And he's sort of like, the deck is stacked against him. Yeah. It's, I don't know. They don't make, I don't think they make games like that.

Or maybe they do, and I have no idea. Is the game you have to say the right things to the lady? I think so. Yeah. Okay. That's kind of a good... Does anyone out there send us a... What do you call them when they have a playable version of an old game?

Oh, I don't know. Yeah, send us that. Okay. Now, my overheard comes courtesy. I was on a tour with Ivan Decker. Where was this? Saskatchewan. Oh, let's hear more about this.

Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no, you don't. But this was in a hotel in Regina. And the whole hotel was booked up by an Indian wedding. No, hockey tournament.. No hockey tournament. Yeah. Hockey tournament. And so there are kids running fucking everywhere.

Like they were locket. You know, one kid would push a kid into the weight room and then hold the door closed. And so I saw one kid running through the lobby with one shoe and then the other kid that had the shoe. with one shoe and then the other kid that had the shoe and uh so i i even uh uh got on the elevator and as soon as he got in the elevator there were three kids in the elevator and i even looks over and he goes oh i see we're stopping on every floor and then the doors closed and i was laughing so hard and i said what was, were you inside or outside? No, I was outside the elevator.

I see where we're going to every floor. And then I asked him later, that's a very Ivan Decker statement. I said, what was the rest of that conversation? And he said that the kid said, oh, I think Tyler did it.

And then Ivan said, you tell Tyler that we're not impressed. That was actually a pretty good Ivan impression, too. Yeah. A little head shake there. Man of a thousand voices. Oh, man. Mashed potato, the twist. It was just the exact thing that a kid would do. Press all the floors

and then be like, I don't know. Have you ever done that? Surely. Yes, of course. When I was a kid, absolutely. I did it, but never with people on the elevator. But just like, well, I'm getting off. No one's getting on. Punch, punch, punch. But Ivan got on after the kid had already done it?

Yeah. Okay. And I love how that was like the authority figure. Ivan, 140 pounds. Yeah. Ivan was outkid by a kid. Yeah. Amazing.

It was the first time I'd ever seen Ivan. Yeah, he was the authority over these kids. Did you ever, you were mentioning kids, like, locking each other in the weight room. Did you ever get pushed into the girl's bathroom and have people, like, not let you out? What, get pushed into the girl's change room? Or bathroom or whatever. Yeah, I got pushed into the girl's change room. What, get pushed into the girls' change room?

Or bathroom or whatever. Yeah, I got pushed into the girls' change room. But what the bullies didn't account for was, that was my whole dream. I was just looking for an excuse. I would oftentimes throw myself in there and be like, oh, the bullies. Oh, no, I got to get out of here. You guys are so strong. Oh, what is that? What are you wearing?

Was that a scrunchie hi ladies yeah i apologize not the most gentlemanly thing but let me make it up to you all with dinner and you all you treated five girls to dinner yeah at burger king and then i was like, oh, Congo is coming out. Nice. Michael Crichton had an exclusive deal with Burger King. Ooh, disclosure. The new disclosure glasses are here. Rising sun.

Ooh, that's got Snipes and Connery for the first time i'll have the snipes meal for rising sun they they had a they added a japanese chicken sandwich to their international chicken sandwiches um and now we also have uh overheard sent into us from all over, uh, this, uh, great globe of ours. If you want to send one into us, you can send it into spy at maximum fun.org. This first one comes from Carrie from Vermont. Uh, recently I took my son to a spelling bee in a town in the Southern part of the state above the light switch in the girl's restroom hung the following sign in large letters, Please do not touch light switch.

And in small letters, per order of the Dover School Bathroom Committee and Book Club. Is that two committees or is it one? I think it's one committee. The Bathroom Committee and Book Club? Yeah, the Dover school bathroom committee and book club. Do they get their own yearbook page? Oh yeah, and they're all holding toilet brushes.

I just came here for the books. Why am I scrubbing the toilet? I just like to read. Yeah, well, lots of people like to read on the toilet. We have to make this work. It's just bathroom readers? I just like to read. Yeah, well, lots of people like to read on the toilet. We have to make this work. It's just bathroom readers.

It's just tasteless jokes. I like the bathroom readers. I wish there was a version I could read outside of the bathroom. But alas, that's not the way they work. Read them on the bus. Oh, I should. Everyone will be worried. And then shit on that. Oh, I should. Everyone will be worried. And then shit on that bus.

Yeah, exactly. Everyone will be like, is he soiling himself? Because the words in this book, you can't help yourself. It's just an automatic reaction. This next one comes from Kyle in Portland. Hey.

Uh, is at a bar. He overheard a dude say to his friend, Judas Priest is the most metal band ever because the lead singer is openly gay and the most metal thing you can do is tell God he's wrong. That's really great. Yeah. I mean, is it? Well, it's half great. I, I i i don't know like how did he mean it like is he well these guys are operating under the assumption that being gay is wrong

yeah so that's their frame of reference but they're pro they're they like that they like that so these kids are they're kind of all over the map. Yeah, that's kind of, yeah. Like. Interesting stance. We want to root for, they're kind of like Tony Soprano. We want to root for them, but they're deeply flawed. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. They cry when they see ducks or whatever. That's what I took from the Soprano. Oh, you mean the guy who can't handle ducks? I could take from the Soprano. Oh, you mean the guy who can't handle ducks? That was, I was trying to, because I saw every episode of the Sopranos, but I don't really, I can't piece it all together. And I remember talking to someone about it and being like, did you see that one episode with the ducks? And they were like, yeah, the first episode that started everything, the reason he went to see a therapist.

episode that like started everything the reason he went to see a therapist that would be great if you just remembered the very first episode then you're like yeah how did that end he also liked a horse once oh he did remember how much he loved that horse did you ever watch this film no I never watched it

should it's good it's good it gets Dave and Graham's stamp of approval play the sound effect. Chomp, chomp. Woo! Ring! And that's what stamps sound like.

That's what approval sounds like. Now do the stamp. This last one comes from Sarah in Toronto. I work at a cafe and bakery and lots of families come in today. A mom came in with her two boys. They were talking about a holiday party that the boys were having at their school. This is back in the day when holidays were happening. The older boy said, uh, oh, sorry.

They were talking about the party they were going to have at their school and, have at their school and how their mother was going to help out with it. The older boy said she didn't want her to come to his school. And immediately the younger boy said, I want you to come because it's cool for your mom to come to class. The mother responded by saying, but only if you have a cool mom, right? but only if you have a cool mom, right? The younger boy said, yeah, if you aren't a cool mom, you'll have terrible dance moves, talk too much, and put your boogers everywhere. Yeah.

Not a truer word. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. From the mouths of babes. Right? Yam, yam, yam, yam, yammer. And then wipe, wipe, wipe these nose goblins. Mom, what are you doing?

Oh, you're embarrassing me. Stop doing the robot while talking and wiping. Plant your boogers on the booger wall. Yeah. Not everywhere. Yeah, not everywhere. Put them in the appropriate place. According to the bathroom committee. Yeah, the book and bathroom committee.

Now, is that it? That's it. Well, we just have one more overheard, and it's three more overheard. Oh, yay. And it's from the phones. If you would like to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328. Like these people have. Hey, Dave and Graham.

This is Piper from New Hampshire calling. With an overheard, I just got back from the gym where I was on the treadmill, and a beefy looking guy was working on front of me. And another beefy looking guy came up to him and said, Hey bro, how's things in the bone zone? And they both asked very knowingly, um, which made me laugh. And unfortunately they looked at me and gave me a really dirty look.

Um, and then walk away. I'm kind of disappointed. I wanted to know what's going on in the bone zone. I'll tell you. They're talking about like a dinosaur museum. Don't worry about it. What do you want, Siri? Yeah, so don't bother.

I told you not to call me, Siri. I've heard you use the term boner zoner before. Oh, yeah. Boner zoner. Boner zoner. Yeah. And I don't mind. I don't mind hanging out in the bone zone.

But the idea of two guys talking openly about it and then being mad that someone heard them. Yeah. We're talking about our erections, lady. Yeah. These are for lovemaking. And lovemaking only. This isn't the fossil den we're talking about our erections, lady. Yeah. These are for lovemaking. Lovemaking only. This isn't a fossil den we're talking about. Yeah.

This is some kind of bone zone. Bone zone kids club. Where it's cool to be a kid. Yeah. Oh, boy. They had the best action figures for Jurassic Park. Yeah. That's a Crichton.

Yeah, that's not bad. That's a good Crichton. Yeah. We got all the Crichtons. Here's your next phone call. Hey guys, this is Matt in New York City calling with an overheard. It was just Memorial Day

earlier this week and I overheard two teenage lovers, boyfriend and girlfriend having a little argument. And the girl was kind of yelling at the guy for not spending time with her on Memorial Day since she was with her family. And then she came in

with this hard-hitting line of and I'm really disappointed in you for not even posting anything on Facebook thanking our veterans for their service. How dare you. The age-old tradition. Get on Facebook. Yeah. Hang out with your girlfriend andold tradition. Get on Facebook. Yeah. Hang out with your girlfriend and her family.

Thanks, veterans. For making this visit to my girlfriend's family possible. Where are you going for Memorial Day dinner? Oh. At some car dealership. It's selling Jeep cars on Memorial Day. We don't have that in Canada. No, we got... Victoria Day.

Well, yeah. That's what we have in May. No, we got Victoria Day. Well, yeah. That's what we have in May. And then we have Remembrance Day. That's our war holiday. But they call that Veterans Day. They have Veterans Day and Memorial Day. They have war like people. Yeah. They also have Tank Day. They have Military Industrial Complex Day. Yeah. That's in August. Late August.

They have Self-Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus Day. Scuba day, yeah. So good. They have Star Wars day, which is May the 4th. Oh, God. It's so good. Technically, we have that too. Right.

Yeah, we just got it in Canada. We do, yeah. We just got it. But it's on June 6th. We just got the iPhone. iPhone 1 here in Canada. Yeah. And it's great. We love the bleeps and bloops

The touch screen is great We just got season 1 of Sopranos What's going to happen with these ducks? Alright here is your final overheard of 2015 Hi Graham and Dave. This is Jackie in Chicago Airport. And I was just in line for the bathroom. And a mother and her little tiny baby four-year-old were waiting.

And the little girl kept screaming, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't. Mommy, I can't. Mommy, I can't. I can't, I can't. And she clearly couldn't hold it. So she cut the line, which can't. Mommy, I can't. I can't. I can't. And she clearly couldn't hold it, so she cut the line, which was fine. And then once in the stall, we heard her go, I don't know if I have to go now.

And then her mom was sort of annoyed. And then as they left the bathroom, she ran up to her dad and was like, Dad, that was a close one. Oh, man. Tell me everything tell me everything yeah yeah great kid great uh non you know not sense of her bladder oh boy that is uh tough to tell for the first 30 years yeah do i need to go although the answer to do i need to go is always yes. Yeah, just go. Yeah. Yeah. Like, just don't think about it.

The only time. Get one of these bathroom readers. The only time that you really question it is if you're, like, in a cabin or something like that where you got to go someplace cold to pee. And when you talk yourself out at 3 in the morning. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Any time overnight, I'm like, maybe I can.

No, I can't think my way through this. Yeah. Yeah. What's my mantra? Don't pee under any circumstances. Yeah. What's the mnemonic I use? D, don't pee.

Yeah. D, pee. Oh, now we need to pee. Thinking about it too much. Well, that brings us to the end of this here episode. We tried. Yeah. And Adam, would you like to plug anything?

First of all, thanks for being on. Oh, thanks for having me, guys. Appreciate it. No, we appreciate it that you were here. You can't appreciate it. Yeah. We're doing the appreciating. Okay.

How dare you? I thought there was going to be sharing involved in that appreciation but yeah thanks so much for having me it's been great see you soon see you soon

what can listeners out there can they do anything to follow you on the internet or see you in the live person

yeah if you do want to check out that show that we were talking about earlier the it's the water world stunt show yep this one man a live person. Yeah. Yeah. If you do want to check out that show that we were talking about earlier, the... It's the Waterworld Stunt Show. Yep.

This one-man show... On tour. Touring 99-seat theaters. Touring YMCA's across the country. In the pool. With a anti-drug message.

Not a pro, like, environment message or anything. Remember, kids, you can't grow weed on a planet that's overtaken with water yeah so recycle they do a great scene where he pees into a thing and then someone has to drink it they make a kid drink it in the audience this has been a great this has been a really good pee and poo episode no they all mostly Most of them just pee. Most of them just pee.

Oh, wow. But yeah, you can check out aloneintheuniverse.space. What? Right? I got that URL. I was super happy. .space. Did you have to write a letter? It was the only one.

Like, org and net and com were all taken. But I'm like, oh, this is perfect. So www, make, it also doesn't work if you don't have the W's up front. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay. And that's for the show that I'm doing. So you can't have mobile.aloneintheuniverse.space.

Is mobile a new www.? Oh, some, if you own the domain, you can do whatever you want with those first characters. I've never heard of dot space it's new it's like the 778s we ran out of dot things and we're already in space oh no

yeah so go to dot space I can't get over it or at ament.com. And do we have to, we've already come back from. And thanks to everyone who saw us in Edmonton.

Yeah. What a blast. Do we have anything coming up this summer? No, you'll be away. I'll be judging Hawaiian Tropic bikini contests across the country. I'll be on the Hawaiian Tropic bus going from Contest across the country.

I'll be on the Hawaiian Tropic bus going from town to town in Canada. Spreading the good word. Yes, spreading the word of Jesus. Oily women everywhere. I'm in charge of the sin. You will be in...

I will be in Toronto. Doing what? Graham Clark reads the phone book. Where can people find tickets to that? To torontofringe.com. Okay. Dot space. Dot space.

And then I'll be at the Winnipeg Fringe. And then I'll be... They have a website. Winnipeg.space.org. Sure. And then... Just for Sure. And then... Just for laughs. And then Scotland.

Are you doing Edinburgh? Yeah. Edinburgh, Scotland, the entire month of August. August. August. Cookie crisp. Oh, yeah. So many memories.

And if you like the show, head over to MaximumFud.org. Check out the blog recap of this episode. Pictures and videos of things we talked about. I'm sure we'll have a picture of urine, feces. Lit. Lit. I hope. Or the poster for Rising Sun, I think.

Yeah. We won't post P and Poo. No. That was a joke't post P and Poo. No. That was a joke, guys. Go over there. Don't worry about there being P and Poo shots. Well, no, but that's exactly what someone who was going to post a picture of P and Poo would say. That's tricky to see.

Yeah, yeah. No, but no, it's cool. But we definitely won't. Don't go to P and Poo dot space. Good night. That's the show. Yeah, it's cool. But we definitely won't. Don't go to pmpoo.space. Good night. That's the show. Yeah, thanks for listening. We should be ashamed of ourselves.

Come on back next week for another episode. Stop podcasting yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.