Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 381 - Nikki Glaser

Episode Date: July 6, 2015

Comedian Nikki Glaser joins us to talk car crash love, summer goths, and a small town pride parade.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 381 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who loves a summertime cordial, Mr. Dave Shumka. Oh, I do. Yeah.

I like a pink drink. You're making your own cordial upstairs. Well, right now I'm drinking a pink coffee. Oh, yeah. For awareness? Yeah, yeah, yeah. For over-caffeination awareness. That's July's over-caffeination awareness awareness. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For over-caffeination awareness. It's July is over-caffeination awareness month.

Yeah. And I drink a Red Bull. I drink a whiskey drink. I drink a lager drink. Drink a cider drink. And our guest today, a very funny comedian, just announced that she's got her own show coming out on Comedy Central called Not Safe.

Miss Nikki Glaser is our guest. Thank you, guys. Thanks for being our guest. Hi. I'm so excited. You guys are hilarious. You're hilarious. No, you're hilarious.

No, guys, let's. I just want to say something about the name of my show. This weekend, working at Yuck Yucks, the guy on Thursday night who is the emcee, I told him, oh, the name of the show is Not Safe with Nikki Glaser. And he thought, I guess he just said it really quickly because I think he wrote it down, Not Safe. But he said, check out her show on Comedy Central, Nazi with Nikki Glaser. And I didn't hear it. But after the show, I was getting emails from people like, can't wait to check out Nazi.

Great show tonight. And I was like, what is Nazi? Why are you emailing me about it? But I was like, wow, people really are on board with whatever I would say. Yeah, it's good to know that people are super receptive. Yeah, you got that in your back pocket. The show's called Nazi. Great. Go on. Yeah, tell me more got that in your back pocket. The show's called Nazi. Great. Go on.

Yeah, tell me more. The other N word. Should we get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us. So is that, I can't imagine. That must be so exciting. Yes.

To have a show. And you were in the trades. I read it in Variety. I know. It was in everything. It was really exciting. I knew that it was picked up like a month before it,

so it was kind of hard to keep that in because I couldn't tell anyone. But then as soon as it came out, it was just like such a relief. But yeah, it's also like a huge amount of pressure that I'm not sleeping,

my back is hurting more, all those things. Yeah, it airs in January so I have a lot of time to get worried have you already is it a going to be a live thing

or pre-tape it's going to be it's going to be like a live to tape I think like we're going to tape it like it's going to air like the next night

I guess right you know Saturday Night Live they just write it the week before why don't you do that that's a good idea and it cuts out the stress

yeah they're like so chill over there, I've heard. Yeah, that's why everyone... They just like... I hear it's just like so easy. It's a fun environment. Yeah, it's like summer camp. Do you... Where do you live?

I live in New York, but... That's where they make that. That is where they make it. It's live from there. But I'm going to be moving to LA for this show, so I'm splitting my time right now. Is that fun that is where they make it it's live from there and um but I'm gonna be moving to LA for this show so I'm splitting my time

right now is that fun to move to LA or is that like ugh it's fun because I feel like New York like I've been there

five years I get it it's I'm tired of schlepping everything around oh yeah you can't use the word schlepping in LA

no I can't it's um cause the water's different yeah right that's it that's why you can't find a good bagel you can't use the word schlepping in L.A. No, I can't. Because the water's different. Right, that's it. That's why you can't find a good bagel, you can't schlep. Yes. But I lived in L.A. before.

I lived in L.A. when I kind of first started comedy right out of college. And I was there three years, and I was broke and flirting with a DUI pretty much every night. And my life was a lot different then, and so I think back to living in LA and I'm like, oh God, it's terrible. But now life's different. So it's going to be a better. You've got your own show. I got my own show. I do remember that about being in LA.

Like anytime I visited, it's like, oh, there's, everyone's at a club and I don't see any cabs anywhere. No. And now there's Uber. So that's a little bit better. But I. But those Uber drivers are drunk.

They're always drunk. Absolutely. You can order that. You can be like, I'm drunk. I want somebody who understands what I'm saying. Uber drunk. And they show up and they're like, yeah, I totally hear what you're saying. Guys, let's go to Denny's.

You get really lost. In Uber? Oh no When it's When they're drunk Oh yeah But it's fine It's a longer ride You will pay extra

But it's fun But it's the journey And they crank that music Right Whatever you want Yeah Why did I give this guy Five stars?

Yeah It took me three hours To get home God I'm dying to know My score on Uber. Do you? How does it? We don't have it here.

Okay. So we don't know how it works. They score you, too. So you, I always rate them five stars. I don't think I've ever given four stars, but I think my rating is down because I keep getting like, they'll accept it and then they'll cancel it on me. So I'll be waiting for them and I'll see them like driving away from me.

Like this isn't going well. And then they cancel it. So I have a feeling, I don't know what I've ever done. I'm always very pleasant and I've never, I'm not a drinker so I'm not like throwing up

in the back of it. I'm not like having sex. But something's going on. I don't know what, but I'm dying to know my rating. That would terrify me. People having sex? No, to going on. I don't know what, but I'm dying to know my rating. That would terrify me. People having sex? No, to have a rating of my car behavior.

I mean, I don't do anything. Do the drivers know their own rating? They don't. We both don't know our own. And so it's like a weird dating game. Yeah. But you know their rating. Yes.

But have you ever turned down a driver for having a low rating? No. One time i canceled a driver just because i saw a cab quicker and they were like eight minutes away or whatever right and so i canceled it and but they already had my number they got my number and so he started texting me he was like don't play i'm like whoa first of all what am i supposed to do now i can't read i thought we had something special don't play. I don't want to get in your car now. That's just such an aggressive, weirdly, don't play.

So, yeah. It seems like Uber is scary to me. The way that it's set up that it's just some dude in a car. Yeah. And I don't know if he's a good driver or if his car is. Well, he's got a star rating. Yeah, but I don't ever read them. You know, I just.

I feel safer in an Uber than a cab. Really? All the time. I really do. I feel like they, especially in New York, they're just guys who drove cabs already. And now they have a nicer car. Oh, well, that's nice. They're making less money.

They're like so angry. Uber screws over drivers. They're not happy. Because they're like, Uber's like you don't have to tip it's included but no there's just no tip you just don't tip them so they're all very angry and they'll let you know about it if you ask like how are you and then it's just are you allowed to tip um i was told no by a guy who i tried to tip and then i told a woman that i was like i she was like complaining and i go well i always want a tip but you won't accept it

and she was like who doesn't accept it? And then I didn't have any cash on me at that time. Oh but you can't tip through the app. You can't tip on the app. You gotta give them cash. But it's not it's against the rules. You shouldn't do it. Do you pay through, always pay through the app? Do you work for Uber?

I don't. But yes you do pay through the app. Okay. Just automatically. I feel like I'm paying through the app for them. You don't have to do anything. Yeah, the idea of not knowing your thing. There was a thing on Facebook that, I forget how it worked exactly.

It was for sex. It was like a sex It was like a sex. Like a sex. And it was a thing where women could go and discuss which men that were their Facebook friends were good at the sex. Oh, so it was just like a secret group? Yeah. I forget what it was called. I remember a website that you create profiles for your exes and you like say which one had like a big day or like whatever,

like they cheated on me and it was just a way to like shit on your exes. And it was terrible. But like, I know that's, I think that it absolutely does. Yeah. And it's exactly the kind of thing that men would like, like gulp.

Oh my gosh. Yes. So, um, but I feel like there's that, there should be that for Uber. Like, yeah, a community of I feel like there's that, there should be that for Uber. Yeah, there should be. Like a community of like, oh, Jerry wore too much body spray.

Oh, it's always that though. Yeah. I don't know. I would, I would hate if someone reviewed me sexually. That's so cruel. Yeah. No, I would. Oh man.

I would just be in my head the whole time. Like, uh. Like, uh. Oh. Yeah. I'd be like, uh, it'd just be in my head the whole time like, uh. Like, uh. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'd be like, uh, critics are here tonight. Yeah. Are you enjoying this? I'm not a bad guy for this.

Yeah. And then you pay for it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I was chatting with a past guest, Erica Sigurdsson, and we were talking about riding in a cab. And she said the same thing, that she doesn't feel safe riding in a cab some of the time. Yeah. And so then we were talking about there should be an app that you put in, like, I just got into a cab.

And it alerts your friends. Oh, that's good. And then says, like, so-and-so just got into a cab and his, you know, destination is 10 minutes away or whatever. Anyways, we search for an app and there's totally that app exists. Oh, really? There's everything. I know. They all exist.

Yeah. It's so annoying. So we downloaded it and we just kept, we were all in a car together and we just kept hitting the alarm and then it would alert everybody else in the car. That's so great. But how many cab murderers are there? I mean, they don't keep them on the books. The cab industry, big cab. I mean, in New York, there's one story a year where like a girl gets assaulted.

But it's like, you know, that's if you worry that much based on that kind of statistic, then you're wasting your time. Yeah. So let's just not worry about it. Yeah. No, good call. Chances are you won't get raped. So just like stop complaining. When we had cash cab here, it killed a guy.

Yeah. It ran over somebody. Oh my god. So I don't know that. I don't think that aired. Yeah, I don't think that one made it to air. Even though it was a great they were getting all the questions right. Can you imagine you're just about

to win? You're on a roll in that. I know. This is gonna slow me down. I've hit a man with my car oh god hates me i've hit two men with my car i was i was 16 and i um i was my parents were out of town i was borrowing their car uh with their permission and i um i was driving down my friend's street after we had just gone to her house to get a bunch of 80s wear because we were going to a pep rally or something, dress 80s. That was fun.

And so we were just cruising down the street, and it was a really slow, I don't know what 15 miles an hour is in kilometers. 200 kilometers. Okay, thank you. Yeah. 69 degrees Celsius or whatever. I know that 69 and 96 are like switchable. No, 29 and...

Fuck, never mind. 26 and 62. So it's 26 degrees Celsius around like really nice weather. Yeah, 26 is probably in the 70s. Yeah, 26 is like pretty hot. You double it and add 30. Is that real? That's the shorthand.

The accurate way is multiply it by 1.8 and add 32. Okay. So, zero degrees Celsius is 32 degrees Fahrenheit. Right. I know that. Yeah, that's about where I leave you. Yeah. Back to the guy so 15 miles an hour very slow and

i just was not paying attention and there was a garbage truck on the side of the street and it looked like it was parked to me and um and it was also five o'clock in the afternoon so i didn't think any garbage usually collected it early in the morning where i lived so this is a guy who slept in on a shift yeah this. This is probably something legitimate. So I drove past, and as soon as I got parallel with their car, a guy jumped out to go grab the garbage cans on the other side of the street, and I locked eyes with him and hit him. Sped up.

Yes, sped up. He jumped, and then I hit his legs, and he went flying and tumbled into the grass. I was with my friend. You were dressed as Simon LeBron. Totally. And I remember laughing almost because it was so absurd. My first reaction was just to laugh. And I don't know what that is.

But I remember being like, do I flee the scene? I don't know what I do so I parked the car and then we got out and all the other garbage men were like don't go near him and he was just like

bleeding on the side of the street and cops came ambulance came he was taken away I didn't hear from him for so long but all the garbage men

were like he does this all the time we've been telling him he needs to be more careful and I was they were looking out for me you were going slowly and yeah i was ran in front right exactly so i um so then that night i went to the pep rally and i just i mean i was traumatized but i just moved on with my life then for like about three and a half years later i was coming back from vacation with my family, and I remember we were collecting all the messages.

And I remember I was in the bathroom, and I would just leave the door open. And I remember they were getting the messages, and I just heard sitting on the toilet. I was like peeing, and I heard it like, hi, this is so-and-so from this whatever law firm. this whatever law firm, and James Garbage Man is suing Nicole Glazer for like a million dollars in damages of like he hasn't worked. So they took me to court. I had to go to court, and it came out on the stand that this guy was a child molester. On the stand?

On the stand, and guy was a child molester. On the stand? On the stand. And his attorney asked him. We wouldn't have known. What did he ask him? Are you a child molester? No, he said, have you ever been accused of a felony? And we were just like, why would you even ask that? And the guy was like, yes.

And I remember sitting there like. Wait, is child molestation a felony? Yeah. Or is that a misdemeanor? Depends on who you're asking. And then he said yes. I remember sitting there like child molestation a felony yeah or is that a misdemeanor depends on who you're asking um and

and then he said yes and he said well what was the charge and he was like child molestation I just remember like looking back in the courtroom

at my mom and just being like we got this it was so crazy cause everyone on the jury was like a mother there was no way they're all they're all sitting there with their babies.

It was so unfair. Their sexy babies. But there was no way that that guy was going to win after that came out. And so it actually, they divvied up the blame. He got 90% of the blame. I got 10%. So he ended up getting like $100,000 of the million that he wanted. Wow.

Because I didn't know they could even do that. So that was like the perfect outcome because he would have just appealed it if he would have been given $100,000. And that came out of insurance, I'm assuming? So everything was fine. You didn't just have $100,000. No.

There you go, buddy. No. Go spend it somewhere not child molesting. Oh my God. And he was on the stand, I remember, and they were saying, what are your injuries? What have you been dealing with?

I'm not attracted to children anymore! He literally was like, my hand, I can't move my hand anymore. And he was doing like a motion of like fingering, and I was like, oh good, you can't finger children anymore. Like, that's what everyone was thinking. Ever since I was struck by a blonde

teenager, I'm not attracted to blonde teenagers anymore. So, yeah. What a weird approach at trial. Like, okay, listen, we've never tried this technique before. I know I didn't ask you this back in my office, but have you ever done anything? So that's the first person you hit. And then the second person I hit was years later.

I was living in Los Angeles, and I was pulling out of a gas station and I hit a guy that was going the wrong way on a one way on his bike. And I just I looked one way and there are no cars coming. So I pulled out and he was going the other way, hit him. And he was like really like attractive. And he like he fell over on his bike and was like, and I didn't I just kind of hit him and he fell. And then his bike was all mangled, and he got up, and he was a good-looking guy. And he was really embarrassed that he fell, so he was just like, I'm fine, I'm fine, and limping off. And I was like, do you want to exchange numbers in case you want to get a drink or whatever? Yeah, no, I'm seeing somebody. And he limped off. He was so humiliated. So then I went home, and I wrote a misconnection because I was like, this is funny. I'll just go on Craigslist and write, I hit you with my car.

What a great story if it worked out. Yes. And I love that stuff. So I wrote a misconnection and then the LA Times contacted me because they were doing some kind of piece about misconnections. And so they shot this video with me at the place where I had the misconnection and it won a Webby award like the series won a Webby. This is the

best case scenario. And then I was at a bar I was at the bar that I went to every single night when I lived in LA right next like a couple blocks from my house. When you had hit this guy you hadn't just been at the bar. No it it was during the day. Thank God.

So I went to the bar like months later after I shot this thing, and I was scheduled to be on Good Day L.A., which is the morning show there, that Monday, and I was there on like a Sunday night, and this guy was working the door, and he goes, can I see some ID? And I almost laughed because I was like, I'm here every night.

I've never seen a door guy. And I handed to him and he looks at it and then we both look up and I'm like, oh my God, I hit you with my car. And it was the guy. And I was like, dude, I am doing Good Day LA tomorrow. You got to come on with me. So he went on the show with me

and he had a girlfriend and stuff and he ended up not being that cute. It was just in the heat of the moment. It was in the heat of the moment. I i just like wanted it to be a thing and he also he pulled up his pants to show me like where he had hit um and to show me his dick and uh no i'm just kidding he pulled up his pants wow that's good day la Good day, LA And it looked like a gunshot wound Like I really hurt him And I really fucked up his bike

But he was very nice How long after the incident was this? It was like a month It was a long time So it still looked terrible And then we went on the show together And it was really fun But that was it

And yeah So that was the only other time that's so crazy that you would run into him again it was awesome you didn't run into him again but yeah I always like I don't know

the misconnection thing when I was single I always used to like check that out and be like did someone see me oh yeah I do it

I do it on the weekly I would scan it do you really are you single I'm single yeah yeah I do it on the on the weekly I would scan it do you really are you single I'm single yeah yeah I scan it for the words comedian or comedy show

I do that too yeah yeah just cause like I've found friends that like oh yeah by the way you're in a misconnection

yes I've done that too and I yeah I always I type like blonde like N train or whatever

like I would just look for. But it's never. All it is is Asian girls in red dresses. That's like the only girls who get this connection. No, in the city, in this city, it's who are the. It's always. It's people on the bus. Always people on the bus.

Oh, really? Or people at like a Whole Foods or something like that. Yes. A lot of grocery store. Whole Foods or something like that. Yes. A lot of grocery store. Whole Foods are like, they're meat markets, like literally. Yeah. But also. Yes.

And also fruits and veg. What if I was just like, there's a meat market there. It's pretty decent if you want to check it out. It's kind of expensive. You're better off going to your neighborhood butcher. A lot of married couples there, but like, yeah, there's, it's a meat market. Yeah. Ooh, everyone there is grass-fed.

But yeah, Whole Foods, that's where I would hang out if I was single. That's a lot of... Now, this was the thing while you were saying that you hit that guy. He was very good-looking. That's my experience in L.A., is that everybody is just good-looking. Like, even like you go to a gas station and the guy working behind the tiller you're like that guy's better looking

than the top good looking guy of most cities. Everyone it's so It's like the median level is so crazy.

It's crazy. Yeah. And it's it's such a bummer. Like it makes it but I find that Vancouver like the place I'm Yale town

every chick is dressed like a supermodel. Like every girl is hot. Yeah. I found it to be very intimidating over there. But yeah, L.A. is just ridiculous. It makes me so sad. It's that. And Yaletown has that sort of L.A. thing of like maybe I'm a celebrity because my sunglasses are so big you can't see my face.

This bag is very expensive. And this dog is so tiny. Yeah. I've thought I saw a couple celebrities over there, but they weren't. You never know. Abby was in line behind a guy, and he had a baby. And Abby had our baby. Was the baby famous?

The baby was Marvin from the comic strip. Oh, my God. Is that a recent comic strip? I have no idea what you're talking about. No, it's not a recent comic strip. And also, it was a drawing of a baby. But it was based on a baby. I couldn't think of a famous baby.

The baby was Jonathan Lipnicki. She was behind. She couldn't figure out who the guy was. And then I sort of went through what is filming in town. And he was a guy who was like the bad guy in that Heath Ledger jousting movie. Oh, A Knight's Tale? Yeah. Oh, I wouldn't yeah oh I wouldn't

know I wouldn't know Rufus Sewell what you have to be of noble birth to compete ah yes

um yeah he's filming that I'm obsessed with babies that are famous like you know

that Aaliyah song that's like I've been watching you like that baby where's that baby yeah like I want that's the, I've been watching you. That baby, where's that baby? It's like,

ah. Like, I want, that's the where are they now that I want. All baby edition. Yeah. Like,

all babies in songs. Give me 10 more examples. Okay. Stevie Wonder, there's a Stevie Wonder song where there's like a baby babbling in it. Isn't she lovely maybe? Yes. Yes. Boom. Yes where there's like a baby babbling in it. Isn't she lovely, maybe?

Yes, yes. Ah. Boom. Yes. It's probably his baby. We can probably find out who's. But then there's like famous. Prince used to use that baby sound too.

Really? Yeah. It's just a sound. Maybe it's one baby, like, for him to rule them all. The Wilhelm baby. When I was,

when we had our baby, it was like months before she was making any, she would just cry. Yeah. Like she didn't, but then when she got like three

or four months old, then you got into that sound. It's so good. It's a good sound. It's such a good sound. What do you call that? A coo? A coo?

Yeah. Yeah. Baby coo. I was just, what was, oh, I had a funny anecdote or an interesting anecdote. There's a spider over there that's just like dancing. Oh, yeah.

Daddy Longlegs. I love it. Oh, I was thinking, Jonathan Lipnicki. I always wanted to marry him, so my name would be Nicky Lipnicki. That is a funny anecdote. Isn't that great? That is great. But you could just, you could just change your name. That's true.

You don't need to marry him. When I like him. When I want to marry him. When I want him. Yeah, so that's what I say. Yeah, which child star did you want to marry? Oh, when I was a child? You were whenever.

Probably, you know, what's her name from Who's the Boss? Alyssa Milano? Yeah, Alyssa Milano. Oh, she wasn't a child when you were a child. She's always been older than you. Judith Light? Yeah, Judith Light. That was it.

Margaret Hellman? Was that Mona? Yeah. Something. The horny old lady. That probably was the first time that I ever like thought about like sexuality. I was watching like her character and Dan from Night Court. Because I was like, what are they always talking about?

Oh, yeah. Because they're always making reference. Like they come in wearing some weird costume and they're like, I was at, I was at the, you know, whatever. I was the, you know, oil boy at the Tropicana competition. I was like, what is that? What does any of that mean? But some of them, like, I just, one of the things that Dan from Night Court once said was that he had gravity boots back at his apartment.

And I was like, now as an adult, I don't know what that is. I don't know what that means either. What is that? It's like, I think to hang upside down, But I think it's maybe for exercise or back pain. Okay. But he had a sex use for it. Yeah. Like, I remember spending, like, a lot of time and, like, even asking friends, like, kind of crowdsourcing an answer.

Like, what do you think this meant when Blanche said this? I just always remember whenever parents had sex on a TV show the next morning they were like so they liked each other a lot I just thought sex made people like each other more isn't that sad that like that's the only time Tim Allen and Jill or whatever her name was would like show any affection

that's true she like gave it up the night before like finally yeah and then they're like whistling the next morning. Oh, yeah. And the kids are always like, why are mom and dad so happy? And it's like the only time they're happy. They're like, ask your Aunt Mona.

She'll tell you. Whereas in real life, people are miserable the next morning. Yeah, because they had to stay up later than they wanted. Yeah. Yeah. That is true. That was like a very kind of loveless marriage that Tim Allen and. Oh, yeah.

Woman Tim Allen. But that was a definite like. I can't remember her character's name. Jill. Yeah, Jill. But I don't. Patricia. No, that's.

Patricia Richardson. Really? Yeah. God, you're good. Well, we had a bit of a mix up a while ago. We got in some trouble with the Patricia Heaton fans. Okay. That's what I was going to say. That's where I was going while ago. We got in some trouble with the Patricia Heaton fans. Okay. That's what I was going to say.

That's where I was going with that, but I just got lucky. And another, like, trope of those shows is that you can tell if you're going to have a future with someone just by kissing them. It's like on Saved by the Bell. They just be like, is there something here? We should just kiss and find out. And they would, like, instantly know. No, no no this kiss is just for a play yeah yeah and that's something that didn't really pay off in in later in life like you don't do that you don't just go like do we we should just okay we're just friends

but as a teenager it wouldn't even pay off it's like we're kissing now this is great yeah now we're kissing forever yeah and i just said adulthood because I didn't kiss people to us Yeah How old you like first kiss first kiss was like 17 I think I mean well, it didn't really count in the eyes of Really necking it was like that was like really necking. It was like, that was like 21. Like when I first really was like, yeah.

And then were you like, what's the big deal about? Why is everybody going crazy? I mean, when it came to sex, yes. I was like, oh, this was what I was like scared to do forever. It's so easy. It's just, I feel like, yeah. I was like, what was I waiting for? I was so scared to have sex.

And then I did. I was like, okay. And waiting for? I was so scared to have sex. And then I did it. I was like, okay. And now you're hosting Nazi. Yeah. And now I'm hosting Nazi. Oh, my God. I love it. So are you allowed to say what the show is?

Yeah. It's going to be like real sex, which was um and like shaped my knowledge of sex i remember watching that yeah mind-blowing yeah so it's gonna be like you know investigating uh trends and sex and and relationships and dating and just uh doing a lot of social experiments but like learning from experts and then talking to comedians and regular people about their sex lives and being pretty candid about it that sounds saturday nights at 11 30 on nbc yes okay yeah i uh yeah but real sex it was like that was so good that was i think the first time i ever knew what uh swingers were was it was on like an episode of real sex and i was but like that i i'm not sure i remember but it was like not it wasn't not dressed up it wasn't like no it wasn't it was real oh yeah it was dark yeah it was not it was

not pretty not lit very well no and also yeah no no makeup artist no just like these are what real people and these are the kinds of people who would agree to be filmed for this and I was like that's cool at that age you take what you can get you're like it's naked people doing it like I'll take I don't remember being totally grossed out by it and also Cat House was a good one I feel like I don't remember Cat House

what was Cat House? it's like this guy owns a ranch out in Nevada like outside of Vegas. And it's a whorehouse. Oh, yeah. And people show up and then they have cameras set up and they just film people having sex. And it's all very glamorous. The kinds of people who pay for sex are the coolest.

I can't imagine signing a release like, we really liked what you did in there. You like signing this release? Oh, sure. what you did in there. Yeah, yeah. You went signing this release. Oh, sure. Yeah. No, I was proud of it too. Yeah. I'm going to be whistling tomorrow morning. Don't tell my wife.

Taxicab Confessions. Mm-hmm. That's what I want the show to be like more than anything. It's just because that, I think that was the most interesting. Did you guys watch that? I know what it is. Yeah. I don't think we ever caught it up here. Maybe we did.

Well, yeah. We don't even have Uber. Oh, that's right. On the pilot of my show, I did Uber Confessions where I talked to Uber drivers about chicks that have serviced them to pay. What? You can't do that through the app, boy. Yay.

A lot of fun. A lot of these girls, they just pick up drunk girls who their friends are hooking up in the back seat, and they're in the front seat, and they're feeling rejected, and it's a hot enough guy, and they just start going after it. Boy, oh boy. There's a lot of stories like that. What do you think? Do it.

Get it. Sounds like a lot of crazy stuff goes on in cars. It's a good way to meet people. Yeah. Yeah, run into people. Yeah. Oh, man. Dave, what's going on with you, man?

I'm very proud that we've made it this far this year without us complaining about the summer heat. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we're growing up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. We're not summer dudes. Okay. Get real sweaty.

Although I feel like, you know how old people, their circulation slows down and they need a blanket? Yes. Oh, yeah. I feel like I'm 1% there. I feel like this year I'm a little better. Like you've tipped the scales. Yeah. It's heading that way.

I run real hot, but it might be cooling off. So every year I find new things to love about summer and things to hate about summer that I've never hated before. So last year was cordial was very big. Yeah. Making your own cordial. I make a drink out of rhubarb and vodka. Wow. And it takes a month to make.

But I've made it the last three, three or four years. And here's, uh, here's what's on, um, my list of things that, uh, I don't like now that I walk to work every day, uh, the sun is out and you have to, to look at your phone, you really got to crank up the screen and it just kills the battery. Yeah, no, that's true. So that's, that's on the negative. That's on a negative that's on a negative yeah um are you gonna counter it with a positive uh no i'll get to the positives later the other negative that i i don't know if i've ever mentioned this before but i've rediscovered it is uh everybody in this city seems to own one really loud summertime vehicle oh like uh like, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

It's like, I've got a hot rod that I take out of the garage three months a year. Motorcycle. Big motorcycle city here. Oh, really? Yeah. Like, people love going up into the, like, because they've got those, like, super windy roads like you'd see on a motorcycle commercial. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. So people like going up there and, I don't know, getting bugs in their face. Yeah. Whatever motorcycle is there. Yeah, being loud. Yeah. Having a shirt that says, if you can read this, the bitch fell off. Oh, getting bugs in their face. Whatever motors are listening. Yeah, being loud. Yeah. Having a shirt that says, if you can read this, the bitch fell off.

Oh, yeah, that's fun. These are fun shirts. But my new two favorite things, well, I mean, one's a perennial every year, is the TV shows that they just run during the summer. Oh, yeah. I'm waiting for Wipeout to start. I'm counting down to under the dome.

What's under the dome? Under the dome is, I think it was supposed to be a one season, one summer replacement thing, but it was so successful. This town. It's under a dome. Suddenly a dome has appeared over top of this town. And the weird thing is new people show up. Like no one is allowed in or out. Well, they never say that the dome doesn't have a door somewhere

that people can exit from. The dome is a mysterious dome. Hank from Breaking Bad is in it. He's the star. Yeah. This year, Mark Helgenberger from CSI is going to be in it. Oh, I thought this was a reality show. No.

That would be incredible. It's a scripted. Okay, got it. We took this town. We put a dome over it without their permission. Is it terrible? Yeah. Okay, but in a great way.

Yeah. I don't really, like I'll catch an episode a season. But it's getting good. No, I don't know. And then like what else? There's American Ninja Warrior will start up and then there will always be

Last Comic Standing you're right oh yeah were you did you go on the show I had twice yeah and good time bad time

first time great time because I was like 20 and it was crazy that I even got on the show and got that far and all that stuff

and it was I got to meet all my heroes that were like I was competing against I I showed up in LA because they flew me out and there's like doug benson and tig notaro and i was like what are you guys doing here and they were like we're in this and i was like why am i competing against this is so stupid but it was really cool um and then the the next time i did it i got as far as the time before and i was like this is humiliating had

they done was it the did they do a season on a cruise ship or something? Yes. Was it that one? It was that one. I didn't make it to the ship, but that was the season I was on the first time. Yeah. And they've done the blimp one year. They did.

Everybody lives in a blimp. They did a submarine. They did one year where everyone was under a dome. Oh, that's right. But it was just a weird dome that had tennis courts. I did it one time, and they announced the winner, but they fucked it up on the tape, so they had to re-announce the winner. And I was standing next to the person who won.

And so I had to re-be fake excited that they got through. And then somebody told me they saw there was a guy dressed like a gorilla who went through. And they showed the gorilla winning. And then the very next thing they cut to was my face. And I was going. Just like, oh, great. Wait, what year was this? In what city?

It was in Montreal. And it was like 2004, maybe? Oh, wow, early. Yeah, like it was Ant was one of the judges. I remember him telling me things, and I was like, come on now. We both know your aunt, right? He didn't like me either. Yeah, but he liked that gorilla.

Well, animals like animals like animals. Yeah. Gorilla uses a stick to eat ants or whatever. Yeah, they do. They're very sophisticated. Now, my other, my new favorite thing of summer. This was all just preamble to this. I guess in the new neighborhood where my new job is,

there's a lot of summertime goths. Oh, yeah. Goths who have in the heat, they've forsaken their long pants in favor of black jean shorts

and like, but still Doc Martin boots. These are on men. Yeah. Doc Martin black boots, but like the palest of skin. Yeah, yeah. And then. Alabaster everywhere. Oh, it's such, it's like, it's a mixture of being like they totally committed to the look and yet being like, I'm not that committed that I'm going to wear, you know, vinyl pants.

Yeah. I'm not going to risk heat exhaustion. Well, don't they like love hell? Yeah, you would think this would be their most favorite time of year. It's super rude when you're driving past a summertime goth to yell,

don't you love hell? You love this. This is like what you love. Sum a summertime goth to yell don't you love hell you love this this is like what you love summertime goth summertime goth is the best and like their makeup is a little little streaked by the end of the day hair won't stand up the way they like exactly yeah oh my god this is hell for me, which I love. I don't think they necessarily love hell, but they love death. That's right. That's right. I think probably because they can like, oh, a gravestone, that's real cool on a summer

day. Right. Or does it heat up? Can you fry an egg on a gravestone? I would think that they're hot. Yeah, I totally have. I mean,

you know, my funeral homes, you know, family picnic that we do every year I fry eggs on a headstone. Oh, I love hell.

That's just so your whole family can be there, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just go to the family plot. Uh-huh. Exactly. Fry an egg on grandpa. Yeah, and then I bury it. This one's for you.

Yeah, I pour out some bacon grease for my dead homie. Oh, man. Yeah, summertime goths. Keep an eye out for summertime goths. I love this. And yell, don't you love hell? Don't you love hell? I thought you loved hell.

Oh, my God. What's going on with you, Graham? Well, I, last week, I was in Saskatchewan, middle of the country. Have you ever been there? No. Don't feel bad. Yeah, it's a real. Neither have I.

Okay. Oh, really? Good. Kind of the farm belt of Canada. And so we were, myself and a couple other comedians, were on like a mini tour. And we went to this town called Moose Jaw. And Moose Jaw's big claim to fame is that it was

where Al Capone used to funnel booze during Prohibition from. Like this was one of his... He would do like a beer bong. And then he would walk across the border, throw it up into a jug. It was like the underground railroad. It was like a beer bong underground. Yeah. And so that's a big thing. Everywhere you go, everything is Al Capone this.

Oh, really? You know what I mean? Is it a border town? No. I don't know why. I? Is it a border town? No. I don't know why. I don't know why that town is that. A lot of it, I think, is hearsay. But they have these tunnels under the city that go somewhere.

I don't know. I didn't go to that because the big thing happening in Moose Jaw was their Pride weekend was happening. And we were like, well, I've never been in a small town during their pride festivities. So let's go. How many people live in Moose Jaw? Under 100,000? Yeah, I would say like 30,000, I think was the number.

Moose Jaw is Anne's favorite comedian, right? Please give it up for Moose Jaw Everybody Small town pride parade Yeah Oh my god Okay So we I was gay in a small town

So we went to Oh they did little pink houses Yeah That works Nice We went to It was gonna be in this was going to start in a park. And so we went and we were just hanging out waiting for it to start. Now, you've been to Pride Parades here?

Yep. And I've been to the one in Toronto. And they're enormous. Oh, yeah. And like blocks and blocks and blocks. Yeah. Yeah. Like, yeah.

And it's crazy. And there's like floats and music. And yeah, it's crazy. It's and blocks. Yeah. Like, yeah, and it's crazy, and there's, like, floats and music, and, you know, it's crazy. It's loud forever. Yeah. Like, as far as you can go, you can hear it. So we were just hanging out in the park waiting for everything to start, and then somebody from the parade came over and was like, oh, you guys were the guys that did the show last night. We're like, yeah. And they're like, oh, this is so amazing that you're here. It's so great to have you here at the thing.

And we're like, oh, okay. And then they said, do you want some signs and stuff? And we're like, I guess. And so then we were in it. Yeah, you were on the comedian float. Yeah. And it was just kind of a walk. And then they walked around

this park and then I think they went to the kind of main street and raised a flag. How many people? Like, more than you would expect. Like, over a hundred. So I thought it was going to be like, we really thought it was going to be like ten people. You know what I mean?

But yeah, the former mayor was there and the MLA was there. But not the current mayor? Yeah, You know what I mean? But yeah, the former mayor was there and the like MLA was there. But not the current mayor? Yeah, that's what I was like. Come on, Moose Jaw. But also,

there were no floats. No floats. And was traffic shut down at all? We didn't, we only did kind of the first lap because we had to go do another show. Right. So,

but we were in it. We were in this thing and there was, it was weird like, because you know, it. We were in this thing, and it was weird, like, because, you know, like, people will dress in, like, rainbow everything, because that's the flag or whatever. And then there was just one dude dressed as Spider-Man. Like, he was like, I guess I got to wear something. Sure.

Something tight. Yeah. Yeah. What? Yeah. Well, was it, like, was there music playing? What? No, there wasn't any music.

That seems really weird. Like a silent parade. Yeah. There's got to be something. Yeah. Somebody had like a thing, like a boombox on like a wagon, but it never played any music. So I don't know why they had it it's a symbolic boombox uh we didn't bring any batteries and the one store that sells batteries is closed

is homophobia al capone's battery shack so yeah so we were you know that was their first ever. Oh, okay. That's cool. Good, good, good. Good for them. Pride March slash parade or whatever. Well, it's only going to grow. You assume, but like, I guess like. Not if that mayor has anything to do with it. Yeah.

I know, right? But we also, there was also on the other side of town a pro-life march. Okay. Which is like, come on, guys, like give a. Can you, yeah. Can you just reschedule overlap on those two but like no but it's like come on you guys i'm just trying to figure out like oh do they do these groups hate each other which of them loves hell

um so yeah so that was that was the fun kind of highlight of the trip. That's great. I know, right? Did you learn any small town gay stuff? Like where to go? Yeah, the tunnels. Of course. Yeah. Number one gay spot in Moose Town. And that was the thing, too. I couldn't identify.

I'm like, are these all gay people? Are they just supporters of the one couple in town? Because what they do here is it's like your credit union will sponsor a float. The TV station will sponsor a float. And everyone, even if they're not gay,

will be in support of it and will have their own float. So I wonder if it's like did any businesses get on board i imagine there were there seemed to be a lot of people that were probably from like the chamber of commerce sure they were like let's get in on the ground floor of this you know what gay people spend money yeah yeah and i uh yeah my my store sells things that gay people surely they rake their yards like straight people do.

But they don't use a rake for what you think. Yeah, but he doesn't care. No, he doesn't care once it's out the door. All sales final. I feel like it's a small town. I wonder if it's like the same,

if it's like a smaller gay population because gays are more likely to move to a bigger town yeah right i don't know like it's it was when i say gays i mean the gays oh right yes sorry if i was misquoted but uh it was super fun like we we didn't know what what to expect in fact when we went to the park uh we mistook a farmer's market for what we thought was going to be we were walking around we're like a lot of fruits and vegetables yeah a rainbow of colors of produce yeah and i i bought some like uh some bread from an amish guy or a guy that was dressed like an amish guy? Sure. Some kind of Hutterite or Mennonite?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a hat and dark clothes and stuff. And it was great. Fantastic bread. I mean, what else could you expect, right? Oh, yeah. You know, what else could you want out of a tour? Good crowds in Saskatchewan?

Yeah, the best crowd was in the capital city in Regina. That was like the best kind of laughiest crowd. Yeah. city in Regina. That was like the best, uh, kind of laughiest crowd. Yeah. And then we went to, uh, a place called Prince Albert, which is known as the,

I believe this year, uh, the stabbingest city in Canada, like most stabbings per capita. And there's a prison, uh, downtown, like not on the edge of town. Like the town is,

it's, it's a built around a prison. Yeah. Like there's a prison. And so we stayed in our hotel room that night. I was in Edmonton and they were like, there's a lot of stabbings in Edmonton. What's the stabbings up? Because you guys don't use guns. Exactly.

Yeah. So stabbings are. Got it. Yeah. They're the go-to. It's a real summertime thing here. Yeah, it's true. It's like. They do fireworks a few times downtown.

Always somebody gets stabbed in a firework. Really? It's like people get stabbed at dance clubs. Yeah, but for a long time, the three kind of stabbingest cities were Edmonton, Winnipeg, right? Winnipeg always was in the top ten. And then some place where there's not very many people but tons of knives but tons of knives exactly so if one guy gets knifed you know right so uh yeah but we didn't get knifed or anything so that was pretty good yeah yeah on the positive side yeah it sounds like a great trip. Yeah. It was a small town pride parade.

Yeah. And didn't get stabbed. And we also got to play with that I'm being attacked app. Right. Oh, fun. Cab attack. That was fun. Cab attack.

Yeah. Well, do you want to move on to overheard? But first, word from these messages. You're getting good at this. I'm Biz. And I'm Teresa. And we host a comedy podcast about parenting where we remind you that despite what the internet says, no one

really cares what kind of parent you are. One bad mother. We're the friends with kids you want to hang out with. Check us out on iTunes and MaximumFun.org. Welcome to Oh No Ross and Carrie. Ross. Hi Carrie. What do you think is creepier? Okay. You jump into a swimming pool. All of a sudden, the water goes away and instead of water, there is the bones of your dead

ancestors. Ew. Or our show. That's pretty tough because we visited a live exorcism. We joined the Ordo Templi Orientis where we had to worship a naked lady. Oh, and we joined that Tony Alamo cult. They were scary. Super creepy.

We joined the Aethery Society. We tried penis enlargement, or at least I did. Oh boy, I tried breast enlargement. We have basically done every creepy, weird fringe thing except for thousands more, which we will get to if you listen to our show. I'd still say the swimming pool of my ancestors' bones. Well, then I don't even know if people should listen. I guess they shouldn't.

But if you want to, we're at Maximum Fun, and the show's called I Know Ross and Carrie. Overheard. Overheard's a segment in which we hear the things out there in the world, bring them back here, share them with you. And we always like to start with the guest. Oh. You all right with that? Yeah. All right.

Now, I hear you have more than one. You heard right. Right? The rumors are true. Well, I was really struggling to come up with one because I didn't have any. And I spent all week just trying to listen to people and just being real creepy and it just wasn't paying off. So then today

I was really struggling and I was writing my friends who listen to your podcast, Tom Brady, Comedian in Chicago, and I was like, I don't know what to do. I don't have an overheard. And he was like, you can use one of mine. I just want to say his because it's amazing. He was at a Boys to Men concert. No, he

was in Vegas and he was going to a Boyz II Men concert. And I guess they were in line to get tickets or something. And he was with his mom. His mom wanted to see Boyz II Men. Oh, this story is fantastic. It's so good. It's got all the elements. How young is he that his mom wants to go see Boyz II Men?

His mom had him at an early age. Okay. So, yeah, I believe. So Tom is, I think he's like 26. So his mom wanted to go see Boys to Men and they were in line

for tickets and he overheard someone in front of him tell their kids, because the kids were like, I don't want to see Boys to Men and we don't want

to see a boy band and the mom goes, well, it's not a boy band. They're black. Which I love. Yeah. All right.

So that was a good one. So then I decided, I was like, oh, I'll just look through my Twitter to see, because generally I post anything that I overheard on Twitter. Right. So I,

I just searched my name and then overheard. And then I found a bunch of stuff that I've overheard over the years. And I've never shared in an audio format before. is great do you want any kind of scoring or like sound effects like maybe like a jungle background yes that would be amazing okay see what I can do all right thank you rainforest sounds someone had a great joke about how they like to listen to rainforest sounds as they go to sleep and it's just like bulldozers and trees falling I don't know who that was but I loved it somebody screaming I'm lost in the jungle they like to listen to rainforest sounds as they go to sleep, and it's just like bulldozers and trees falling. I fucking love it.

I don't know who that was, but I loved it. Somebody screaming, I'm lost in the jungle. Okay. So, oh, this happened not too long ago. Let's see. 4, 5, 15. Not too long ago. Okay.

I overheard a 12-year-old. I was sitting at a gate, and there was these kids going on vacation with their family, and they were just being brats and just on their phones. And the dad was like, I want to get a family picture. Come on. We're taking you on this trip, family picture. And they're getting ready to take the picture. And the 12-year-old told her dad, get my good side. And no one really said anything because she didn't have one.

She really didn't. They're like, turn around, face away from the phone. Let's see if that works. And then. Do you guys believe you have a good side? I know that I have an incredibly bad side. Yeah, what's that? When you're angry?

Side profile. People that take pictures of me when I'm on stage. Anytime they take a picture of me from the side, because my stomach goes like, like it's way out. But it doesn't look as bad from the front, but from the side it looks crazy bad. So that's my bad side.

Yeah, and people taking pictures from the crowd, it never looks, because they're always from below, which is the worst angle ever. That's true. Check out my chins. But I don't know. I think I do have a good side, but I don't know which one it is. But I know that I worked with, when I did my MTV show, Ariana Grande came in and did a thing with us, and she only shoots from one side.

So if you see any picture of Ariana Grande, it's always one side. She does. side so if you see any picture of ariana grande it's always one side she does she because uh she's one of those people you could put in the like you could edit together all the pictures and she would make the same face and every you know what i mean yeah she was very she was very obsessed with like looking at her face and saying how gross she looked like the whole shoot it was so sad really yeah it was it was the worst because she's like she's Yeah, she's a cutie patootie. Yeah. Another airport overheard. I was in, this is so good. I was in.

You better be. I know, I'm sorry. I do that so much. I always say, this is a fucking great one. You can learn a thing or two from Ariana Grande. This one's not very good. So a guy was struggling to fit his suitcase in an overhead bin. And he goes, Houston, we've got some issues.

Oh, so great. Oh, I love that movie. Houston, where did it all go wrong? Apollo 12. Oh, my God. Oh, wow. I should have ended with that one. No, you can end with that one.

Yeah. Okay, let's end with that one. Thank you. Dave? Mine this week, it's just one. Yeah, just the one. Only it's an overseen something I saw. It was a cyclist.

And I feel like a bad-mouthed cyclist a couple weeks ago, and we haven't released that episode yet. So I just want to apologize in advance to the people who have, that you're hearing this you've already gotten mad anyway i feel like i'm in trouble oh no um but i not all hashtag not all cyclists i saw this cyclist uh and he it took me a while to piece together how great everything was in this uh because he was cycling and he had a sidecar um which is not a thing it's uh no you would have it on a motorcycle you'd have a side right but like usually people are like towing their kid behind them in a right thing but this guy had like a specially made sidecar i think i know what this is. Well, maybe not. With a pug in it, and the pug was wearing like World War II pilot goggles

on its head. Oh my god. And the sidecar looks like a little, like a plane. It did? Oh, yeah. It's got the whatever the Baron painted on it, you know? Oh, I love his pizza. So yeah, that was the greatest. How do you know this? Have you seen him around? Yeah, yeah, that was the greatest. How do you know

this? Have you seen him around? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a local character. Local summer goth?

Yeah, he's always got his pug dressed like a World War II fighter fight. Oh, that poor pug. No, pugs don't

care. They don't. You can dress them up any way you want and pugs are just going to take it. They're just glad

to be there. They just glad to be there. They're glad to be invited. Was the Red Baron World War II or World War I? Oh, maybe World War I. Yeah. But did they have planes in World War I? Oh, hazy. They definitely did.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 1918? Yeah. Sure. And the Wright brothers were like 1918? Yeah, sure. And the Wright brothers were like 19-o-18-o-something?

1890? Sure. You heard it here first. Yeah. Any corrections, just it's at Nikki Glaser. Yeah. Oh, God. My overheard comes courtesy of two little girls on the bus.

And I don't know what. Misconnection. You, two girls on the bus pretending to be an adult wearing a trench coat. But I knew you were two girls. And I said, like, I didn't hear what started this conversation but the one little girl said to the other you don't deserve lemonade

you deserve fungus and water. All right. Yeah, take that. Yeah. Santa's bringing you a piece of coal a mushroom floating in water. There's a

our baby now she claps her hands and apparently A mushroom floating in water. There's a... Our baby. Now she claps her hands. And apparently this means she's requesting a song. And we've been doing... Like, that's just one thing we read. She'll clap her hands to request a song. When I call radio stations, I do this. I think it just means any song.

They're like, is this Nikki again? Come on on Eileen We only know Like the baby songs we know Like we only have a couple of them We sing regular songs Like just to put her to sleep But in the middle of the day

It's gonna be either Zoom, zoom, zoom We're going to the moon Yeah Or the wheels on the bus And I always forget What about Uptown Funk? Don't believe it.

I bet babies love it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I was actually. Never mind. But anyway. You were in a Bruno Mars cover band. No, I was going to bad mouth another band.

Oh, okay. Because I think they make children's music. But it's fine. I was singing the wheels on the bus. And I always run out of like. Okay, there's wipers. was singing The Wheels on the Bus, and I always run out of, like, okay, there's wipers. They go swish, swish, swish. Oh, yeah.

Oh, okay. The people on the bus go up and down. The doors on the bus go open and close, and then I run out. And so I was just trying to think up some, and I kept all the ones I was coming up with were, like, super right-wing. It's like, the patriots on the bus say, not my president. Now we have overheards.

Obama on the bus says you didn't build that. Thanks Obama. Now we also have overheards sent in to us from people around the world. If you want to send one in to us, you can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org. And the first one comes from Cameron here in Burnaby, BC. No, it's not here.

It's close enough. This is from last spring. The department that I worked for shares a meeting room with the Department of Gender, Sexuality, and Women's Studies. My office was directly across the hall from the meeting room, and if the door was open, I could hear everything being said in there. Once or twice a

week, the Gender, Sexuality, and Women's Studies Student Council would hold meetings. As one meeting was coming to a close, someone opened the conference room door to leave a little early. The council was going through their final motions, and from my office I heard the following. Person 1. Okay, so we'll have to meet again on Friday to discuss.

Abruptly interrupted. Wait, Friday? But the vagina monologues are on Friday. That would be a big, big conflict. Come on, we've circled it on the calendar it's been there for months i've never seen the vagina monologues they're different every time right yeah i've seen it i sat here in vancouver like different people do different is it like different people do a set of pre-existing monologues or you can write your own either but yeah i think you're right i think

everyone comes to the table with their own vagina story. With their own vagina. Wait, is it like your vagina's talking? Or have you seen it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, well, the one that I saw was the Eva Antler. But not like literally. Yeah, it's not puppetry of the penis of the vagina.

Of the vagina. It's, yeah, it's just like stories about. Is that right? About being a woman or like actual vaginas? Actual, yeah, it's like both. Okay. Like it's about the vagina. Uh-huh.

And it's like as if the vagina is the character. Got it. Kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah. But not... Yeah, the one that I saw... Do the vaginas rap?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It ends with a big rapping musical number. Something by Salt-N-Pepa. Sure. Anyways, if it comes to your town, which it probably will. In 1994. Yeah, exactly. You should go check it out.

If you can't get into a rent. This next one comes from Ashley in St. Louis, Missouri. Yeah. Hometown. Hometown. What's, um, does St. Louis have a nickname? Show me state is Missouri. St. Louis, the main thing that

if you are from St. Louis, you instantly ask what high school did you go to? That's like our joke. Oh. It's because it quickly answers what socioeconomic status your parents were. What high school did you go to? That's like our joke. Oh. It's because it quickly answers what socioeconomic status your parents were. What high school did you go to? I went to Kirkwood. Ooh. Yeah.

Kirkwood. Oh, man. Oh, they did that great 80s pep rally, right? Yep. Yes. Yes. You know. Two kids.

With that one traumatized girl who was staring blankly at the floor. All night saying, no, God, what did I do? Do kids today, kids today, would they be doing like a 2000s throwback thing? I think the kids today, unless I'm way off, I think they're obsessed with the 90s. I think 90s and 80s are still the cool things to dress up as. I guess so. 2000s.

Like it's far enough in the past that like what would you dress up though? What would be the look? I'm sure there's something there. Wear the strokes. Oh yeah. To really guys in super.

Frosted tips. Frosted tips. But that was 90s going into, like, that was both. What was the, like, super tight pants? 9-11. I feel like super tight pants is 9-11. Yeah. Dressing up like 9-11.

Who? What does that mean? It means you're. Just covered in dust. No, you. Okay. No, you're right. I was thinking of you're dressed like the tower, but no, you're right.

No, that is just too much. That's too much. That is offensive. But yeah, dressing up covered in dust is great. Okay. Or like a hero dog. Yeah. What were people dressed like?

Like, I can't picture what the... I don't either. I don't know. Were chains on pants? Like, the wallet chain? Was that 90s? I feel like that was, like, sort of, like, JNCOs and, like, all that.

That was, like, wallet chains. Or, like, yeah, the Woodstock 99. What were women wearing? Because that, to me, is, like... What did women want? Oh. Yeah. Well.

With belly shirts? Yeah. I would think that. Yeah. I think of like Britney Spears as like the. But, but post baby one more time.

Yes. Right. So Britney Spears in the oops I did it again body. Like really, really low cut like pants. Oh,

that's right. Almost to like the top of your vagina crack. Yeah. Oh yeah. Pussy cat dolls. Yes. Yes.cat dolls. Yes. Thank you.

Yes, thank you. Your torso just looks so long. Below your belly button, there's a foot of space between your vagina and your belly button. Like E.T. How do you do that? That's where I write the lines for my vagina monologue. Sneak. Sneak a peek.

But what were guys wearing? What were guys wearing? Same. Same stuff. It couldn't have been. Showing off a little tiny bit of cube. I think like. I don't think guys have changed.

I feel like fedoras were a thing that were happening before. They were de rigueur. Yeah, before they became like men's right activists. Like button up bowling shirts. That's 90s. It feels like that's 90s.

So 90s. Although. But like the Justin Timberlake justified like maybe. Yes. Maybe just shinier things like silver.

Maybe dress pants with sneakers or I might just be thinking of Ellen. Yeah. Yeah. Ed Hardy. That was big. What's the tap out brand?

Tap out. That's the one. Affliction. Oh, yeah. Affliction. Affliction. Yeah, that's totally, those would be the 2000s. Okay.

Yeah. Okay. Good, okay, good. Good work, Gus. I feel like we're missing something major, though. I'm trying to think of haircut. Like, what was the haircut? Yeah. I think, boys, it was like spiky. Yeah, I feel like there was spiky, but I feel also there was like this half covered over, like a swoosh.

Yeah. I feel like it's too recent, too recent to revisit. Yeah, I think you're right. Like, we's too recent too recent to revisit yeah like we'll know in 20 years or we'll be wrong about it in 20 years like everyone who thinks back to the 60s like yeah you were all wearing bell bottoms no no one there were those in the 70s but i i remember when i first noticed that uh like people like kids were dressing like the 90s because i was like boy i haven't seen a backpack like that since the 90s. Tiny backpacks. Tiny backpack or ones

that cinch at the top. Yes. Remember those? Oh my gosh. I have one right now. There you go. I'm a part of the problem. And then like these young kids wearing Doc Martens. Yep, those are back. Because those weren't

a thing for years. Smiley faces on stuff is back. Yes. Are back. Which was weird because that was a rip off of the 70s. I saw kids.

right. I saw, plaid, oh yeah. Sunflowers. Sunflowers on things for girls is back and that's so 90s.

That was, that was Drew Barrymore's like calling card. Remember? Clueless. Yeah, that was. that was drew barrymore's like calling card remember clueless yeah that was blossom blossom oh yeah she was miss sunflower i saw i saw kids lined up for sneakers like the the new jordans went on sale yeah and i was like i had to look up when they were going on sale and kids were lined up for like three days wow it was it was or two nights it was it was a thursday that people started lining up for a saturday morning so those are kids that are buying shoes for a player that

they will have never seen play yeah and they were like his original shoes from the 80s oh that they just re-released same with beats by dre a lot of these kids they've never heard a beat by him yeah they don't they don't know they don't know. That's a really good point. And it's like. They forgot about Dre. Yeah. They didn't even forget. They never even knew.

They forgot to remember about Dre. I think they teach you about Dre in school. Yeah, absolutely. Or at least Drea DiMatteo. She was on Joey. Yeah. She was on Joey. Oh, was on joey oh my god that's amazing so is paulo costanzo yes is he canadian he might be he's on not psych but the uh burn note not burn notice one of those

things where it's no not suits but it's like where they like Franklin and Bash we're so close we are just like in we're under the dome of this it's like the one where they like pay house visits

and they're doctors oh doctor house visit yeah okay moving on um so this is Ashley in St. Louis

Missouri oh good lord what school did you go to Kirkwood yes good job who's that named after uh Kirk Wood Ashley in St. Louis, Missouri. Oh, good lord. What school did you go to? Kirkwood? Yes. Good job. Who's that named after? Kirk.

Wood. James Woodson. I'm sitting at a sports bar eating dinner and all I hear from the table next to me is a guy saying loudly, Hashtag oatmeal. I love that guy. I'm trending. Look at me. I'm trending. Look at me. I'm trending.

Yeah, pretty good. Nothing beats dinner in a sports bar. Oh, yeah. Nachos. Jalapeno poppers. Yeah. At St. Louis. Wings.

Is that St. Louis? Like, writ large? Yeah. Like, sports bar? Yeah, just that's where you hang out and drink. And that's, yeah. Why did you leave? I don't know.

You miss it. I do. I do. This last one comes from Christy in Seattle. I was waiting in the social security office and one of the- Waiting till I turned old. Yeah.

I just wait here. And one of the security guys was addressing the people waiting. The social security guys. Yes. The social security security guys. He's addressing the people waiting like an exasperated gym teacher. He's saying, you have to listen for your number and then keep listening for the window number. Then I heard the man next to me scoff,

doesn't take a bottle rocket scientist, does it? Yeah, bottle rocket scientist. What kind of breakthroughs have there been in bottle rocket science? I don't know. Shooting them into a pool? I've never shot a bottle rocket science? I don't know. Shooting them into a pool. I've never shot a bottle rocket, so I don't know. Are those the things that people on Jackass, they put in their butt and stuff?

Well, no, that might be. Yeah, no, that's a bottle rocket. Yeah, because you put it in a bottle. And then it has a little thing at the end of it, and you put it in. Elvis used to get, he, he had like his gang, his like, uh, posse is called the Memphis mafia.

And, uh, for his amusement, he, uh, used to get them to fire bottle rockets at each other. What a life. Can you imagine?

Oh, I hate them so much. I hate firecrackers. Uh, do you hate fireworks? Yeah. Well, no,

just firecrackers. Like I, I don't mind display, but like, where are people getting them to blow up in the middle of April? Oh, you save a Bart Simpson style. Yeah. Keep them under your bed. And grown-ups. Yeah.

People I know. Yeah. I'm like, hey, check it out. I got a pocket full of these guys. Yeah. What were those little ones? Pop rocks? Yeah, pop rocks uh yeah pop rocks

oh no no no like the little things you throw yeah oh and they make a pop yeah what were those i don't know i hate them yeah and then there were little ones i love those cherry bombs maybe oh no those are serious were they really oh yeah that's what you used to blow up a toilet yeah somebody did that at our school and it didn't blow up the toilet, but it, like, sewage went everywhere. Oh, jeez. Oh, yeah. Good prank. Yeah, we all liked it. Original prankster. Oh, yeah. Now, in addition to overheards that are written

in, we also accept your phone calls. If you would like to call us, our phone number is 206-339- Were you clapping because you wanted a song? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 8-3-2-8. I'll repeat that. 206-339-8328. Like these people here.

Hey, Graham, Dave, and guests of Indeterminable Existence. This is Michael from Colorado, and I'm calling in with an overheard. I was at a thrift shop with my kids earlier today, and I saw a dad and a daughter who was maybe three looking over some books, and she picked one off the shelf and asked if she could have it, and the dad stopped and thought for a moment,

and he shrugged and said, eh, gotta learn about the Holocaust sometime. And today's the day. Yeah, guess i don't know they don't really make good kids books about that well maybe they do as far as i know yeah i never got the holocaust talk from my parents but you figured it out they combined mine with the sex oh did So it's very confusing. And when two people love each other very much, or one person hates a lot of people very much. I think the only Holocaust talk I got was like, hey, maybe this isn't that funny.

Oh, sure. Right, right. I think I got that too. Not enough time has passed. I know it wasn't while you were around. Nikki, there's a time and a place Yeah Now what's the name of your new show?

Nazi Alright, here's our next phone call Hey Dave and Graham, this is Levi from Virginia And I have two of her exactly Really? Both of them are from my little sister She is eight years old And she was driving with her mom one day. That's too young, guys.

And they passed a convertible car, and the thing was down and, you know, didn't have a roof on. So she turned to my mom very sincerely and said, dude, does this car just have caps? And then the other one is, uh, she got a Schwinn bike and there was a owner's manual on it. And, um, she was like,

what is that for? And my mom said, that's pretty much just to tell you how great the bike is. And she was like, those are a lot of words to say that bikes good. Uh, from the mouth of babes. Yeah, they know. I don't think that is...

That's not what an owner's manual is. Yeah, you just opened it. Congratulations. This is a good toaster. Well, they do say congratulations at the beginning of every owner's manual. Congratulations on your purchase of a Bosch 8427. Yeah, there was a I was struggling

to come up with a product number a 7 oh god oh god I should have put I should have put a letter in there

B anyways I forgot what I was going to say but it was something hilarious oh boy kids saying things no oh it was bikes it was something hilarious. Oh, boy. Little kids saying things.

No, oh, it was directions of how to log on to a hotel's internet. And then the last one was enjoy your internet experience. All right. Yeah, all right. They know what I'm going to be searching for. Here's your final overheard of 2015. Dave Graham, probable guest.

I have an excellent overheard from shopping for washers and dryers. Getting there, watching the guy enter things in the computer, phones ringing off the hook, phones ringing off the hook, phones ringing off the hook. He says, I'm sorry,

can I take this? We say, yeah, sure. Fine. Fine. He picks it it up listens to the phone for about two seconds and says no ma'am

nothing in your freezer should burn you that's all yeah it should be cold in your freezer oh did you set it to hot did you say do you love hell my major reason for playing that is I don't think he understands what phone ringing off the hook means. Like we get it the first time.

But also, it was just ringing. Like I think it was probably just ringing regular. That's a good point. Is that an expression that's like now extinct? For that guy. Well, because kids wouldn't know that doesn't mean anything. What does that mean in the first place? It means that, like, you're getting so many phone calls that, like, before you can even hang up the phone, while it's still off the hook, it's ringing again.

Was this called the hook? Yeah. Oh, when it's... That's bizarre that I didn't know that until just now. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I'm guessing. This is called the hook.

Hook it. This thing. I'm hooking up my phone. Well, no, it's the cradle. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I'm guessing. This is called the hook. Hook it. This thing. I'm hooking up my phone. Well, no, it's the cradle. Yeah. Oh, now I'm confused. Maybe I shouldn't have corrected this guy. Yeah, I don't know.

I honestly- I really couldn't. I still don't get it. I thought that it was that the phone was ringing so much that it was like jumping off of the hook. I feel like it's an abundance of phone calls. That's what I thought. I didn't know a phone could ring until it's back on the hook.

Exactly. That's why it's an expression because it's so many phone calls that it's like eight days a week. It's something

that doesn't exist. Oh, off. It's always off the hook. Well, it's ringing even when it's off the hook. Oh, so it's not really ringing off the hook. Oh, God.

We are like in a real transitional time of technology, you guys. Are we ever. Well, that on that note, that, on that note,

that brings us to the end of this here episode. Nikki, thank you so much for being our guest. Thank you so much. This was just so much fun. Oh,

well, I'm glad to hear you say it. Now, your new show is going to premiere in January? Nazi with Nikki Glaser is going to premiere

in January of 2016. Yes.zer is going to premiere in January of 2016. What's it really called? It's called Not Safe. Not Safe. And also shooting

a Comedy Central special in November in New York. If you're there, please come to it. I think November 14th will be the date.

And yeah, and that'll air sometime in 2016. And you're on Twitter. You're at Nikki Glazer. Yes.

And Instagram too. You got Nikki Glazer on Instagram? you're on Twitter. You're at Nikki Glaser. Yes. And Instagram too. You got Nikki Glaser on Instagram? I got it. You got it? Oh, man. Well done. I couldn't get my own name, and I feel like- I love that your name is Graham Clark was taken.

Yeah. Is that it? That's it. Yeah, I loved that. I saw that last night. I thought that was hilarious. Yeah, and somebody tried to like, the person, somebody was just sitting on Graham Clark. So annoying.

So, like, somebody reported them, but I still can't get it. Oh. So they're still parked on it, I guess. Ugh, I got troubles, man. Yeah, I got worries. When is this coming out again? First week of July. Ooh, that means I'm in Toronto.

Okay. Okay. Yeah. Doing it. Graham Clark reads the phone book in the Fringe Festival. Yeah, soaking in the heat. It's going to be so bad. I'll be in Austin next weekend. Are you?

Yes. In July. What's the club? Cap City. Cap City? Yes. I'll just be around here. Yeah.

Holding things down. Yeah. Dave on the ones and twos. Summertime gaps. Oh, boy. Yes. I'll just be around here. Yeah. Holding things down. Yeah. Keeping an eye on those summertime gaps. Oh, boy. Yeah. Making sure they're keeping them close to hell. Don't get too far from hell, guys. Remember.

Remember what you stand for. And if you like the show, head over to MaximumFun.org. Check out the blog recap of this episode. Pictures and videos relating to the content. This episode. We'll have a picture of the 80s. out the blog recap of this episode pictures and videos relating to the content this episode we'll have a picture of the 80s and a picture

of the 2000s yeah what were people wearing I'm just gonna yeah we'll have a picture of those Britney Spears pants

from I'm a Slave for you yes that's it that's the video man oh man she taught us a lot about sex right Britney Spears so much That's the video. It was. Man, oh man. She taught us a lot about sex, right? Britney Spears.

So much. My favorite Britney, I'm a big Britney Spears fan, and I realized my favorite Britney Spears song, I didn't ever listen to the lyrics. It's called, I was born to make you happy, which is the worst message to ever. It was on her first album. Right. I was born to make you happy like that's all the song is about

is like I was here to blow you wow yeah those were the original lyrics and they're like wow Walmart won't sell it with those lyrics

it's such a terrible mess that's why Taylor Swift is awesome I think for young girls yeah she's much better for young impressionable women

than Britney Spears was for me. Like Beyonce, Taylor Swift. Empowerment. Lord. Lord. Were you just saying Lord? Just like, ah, Lord.

No, I'm just trying to, you know, keep up, guys. Yeah. But it's a good time. It's a good time. A good time. A good time. A good time. A good time.

A good time. A good time. A good time. A good time. A good time. A good time. A good time. A good time.

Yeah. Just one side. Yeah. That other side. I don't want to say it. Bad, bad influence. yeah and that just one side yeah that other side I don't want to say it bad bad and if you like the show tell your friends

to come on back next week for another episode stop podcasting yourself maximumfun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.