Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 385

Episode Date: August 3, 2015

No guest this week as we talk about Ron Popeil, grapes, and ghosts.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 385 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who doesn't like the term whippersnipper for, what is it, weed whacker? I guess that's, I don't know what you meant. I meant weed whacker. But I think my grandfather maybe called it a whippersnipper. Aww.

Yeah. Um, Mr. Dave Schumke. I think my grandfather maybe called it a whippersnapper. Aw. Yeah. Mr. Dave Schumke. Well, grandfathers generally call people whippersnappers. Younger people. That's true. And my grandfather also called Swiss chalet Charlie's chicken. Okay.

But I don't know where that came from. That must be something from his youth, maybe? Look. I don't know. We talked a few episodes ago with Sophie Buttle about the Canadian convenience store Max. Yes. And how people call it Max Milk. Oh, yeah, right.

And I looked it up and it had a logo that said Max Milk. And I had never seen it before, but I just hear old people say it. It makes more sense that their logo would be a cat, then, because cats love milk. Oh, yeah, put a little saucer out. Yeah. Do they love milk? I don't know. Now that I think about it, I think I've only seen that in cartoons and fairy tales. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A bunch of little kittens crowded around a saucer. I don't know.

They're sexy little asses just swishing around in there. You paint them with a white brush and suddenly they're a skunk. Oh, yeah. Sexy skunk. Yeah, he was actually a skunk, Pepe Le Pew. But he never went after a skunk in any of those episodes. He was always going over a cat that looked like a skunk. Yeah, I guess.

Wasn't it just the one cat? Yeah, it might have been the same sexy cat. Who was kind of like a coquettish cat. No. No? Not coquettish. What does coquettish mean? I don't know.

But this cat wasn't that. What was this cat? This cat was like, hey, get away from me. That's true. Coquettish is like, sort of, will I or won't I? Yeah, you're right. It was just a cat minding her business. Her own business. business yeah and then she

walked under a fence or was there like repeated ways that she got every one of these uh cartoons so they have to come up with a different way for her to get a white stripe and they just have in the writer's room just cards on the wall like uh gets trapped under a line painting truck and lives uh falls in a bed of toxic waste and only comes out with a white stripe yeah uh it goes to a white stripes concert they were ahead of their time um and we are uh we're flying solo today no guest yeah we're we're pre-taping as we've mentioned non-stop uh a bunch of episodes all summer long for while graham is away uh is this the i think this is the first episode of august oh welcome to the dog days of summer uh oh boy let's see how your baseball teams are doing

oh yeah yeah um yeah some of them are out of the hunt at this point. people have like... Let me start again. Usually, we like to every 10 episodes just not have a guest. Yeah. It's maybe been 30. Because we've just been banking

these episodes, waiting for one day when someone doesn't show up. Which is today. And I don't want to throw anybody under the bus, but his name is my name, too. Okay. Anyway, so yeah, it's just us, man. Hi. Hi.

Should we get to know each other? Yeah. Get to know us. What is new and exciting it's summertime we're in the full swing of it now like there's no denying that it's summertime now what do you mean now now now now and also then now well because now now now now it's not technically summer yet. I don't think. But if it doesn't feel like it though. Oh yeah. No. Oh boy.

The heat, the dryness, the dryness, uh, uh, ladies are in, uh, their fun summertime dresses and, uh, fellas are looking like babies that don't know how to dress. Yeah. Babies, fellas are wearing flip flops and diapers. Uh, no shirts. What if, uh, with with a pinky around their neck and a bonnet would you be shocked if diapers for men well i guess diapers for men is a thing but diapers for men that don't need diapers became like a thing so that you could go to like a sports

game and not have to go to the bathroom the whole time. Right. Those are still diapers for men who need diapers. I get, but you know what I mean? Like, medically, they don't need them. Right, but maybe... Like, if that became a trend. You don't mean, like, a fashion thing. No, no, no. Men just start, ooh, what's under his shorts?

And there's just a bulge. Like, ooh, check out that guy's bulge. And it's just around his butt and there's just a bulge like oh check out that guy's bulge and it's just around its butt and thighs yeah i mean maybe like a fashion thing it's just swelling swelling with so much pee pee yeah pee pee and who knows what else um anyways i could see that being a thing at a festival if like people were know, instead of having to go to use the porta potty. Yeah. Like at a, like a professional conference. Yeah.

Like, uh, uh, yeah. Uh, a diaper festival, a pampers fest. Uh, have you ever changed a diaper? Uh, yes. That way, way back. Way, way back when I was in diaper camp. I was, because I used to be a pro babysitter. So I did some diaper changing back in the day. I did some babysitting, but never of a diapered person.

I was, I changed diapers of kind of like a kid that was in maybe the last year of diapers. And boy, can they fight back at that age. Yeah. Even though they know it's best for them they really can't yeah like they know it's best for um but yeah it's uh you've done it now uh how many times do you think do you count every time no oh i would i get off a record i about half i think i do about half because i do i end up doing even how many a day is it probably six or seven wow okay and i will do three like between 6 30 and 7 30 in the morning just because there's one that's like first thing you wake up you take care of it yeah then

the baby's like um you know what we're gonna get right back to work let's start our day off so oh wow um do you you've got it down you've got a system of uh no no times is it all freestyle all the time it's pretty freestyle all right it Gangnam Style. That's what it is. Go on. Well, she does a little horse dance. Pretty adorable. Uh-huh. And do you remember anything else about that song?

I don't even remember the song. Yeah, neither. Now that I think of it. It was a phenomenon. Yeah. Well, and I remember he wore a nice tuxedo jacket. Yeah, yeah. And sunglasses. But that's all I remember.

And were there celebrities in it? Maybe. But there were Korean celebrities. Yes. Yeah, so I didn't know who they were. Yeah, that's weird. Are we sure that that ever happened, or do we just dream that? It was the, uh, it wasn't the song of the summer.

No. The song of the summer, that summer was, of course. Call me maybe. Oh, yes. Yes. Oh, I wonder what the song of this summer will be. I don't know. Okay.

I no longer work at CBC Music. Yeah. And so I no longer have to care about this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's still fun to try and predict who's going to have the song. It's probably something that's already number one. Right now. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, whatever's number one right now. Well, I mean, at the time of this recording. It could stay number one for the next 13 weeks. That's true. Because like last year. I don't know what time. Last year it was Iggy Azalea. Oh 13 weeks. That's true. I don't know what time. Last year it was Iggy Azalea. Oh boy, that was everywhere.

The year before it was Robin Thicke. And the year before it was Carly Rae Jepsen. Yeah, and maybe the year before that it was Katy Perry, possibly. Has Taylor Swift ever had a song of the summer? She's due. This could be her year. Although she doesn't have a new album coming out.

And I've heard that whole album and all the good tracks have already been released. And they also released Bad Blood, which isn't a good track. Now, have you seen that music video? I've seen clips. I've seen gifs. Yeah, sure. clips. Oh,

yeah, sure. She is, I would say, as women singers go, the least menacing looking

singer that I've ever seen. Oh, yeah. But she's super tough in this video. Oh,

but does she come off as tough? Like, do you buy it? No, I don't. Oh,

okay. No, I will not purchase it. Oh, you don't buy it. Oh, yeah.

Look, Taylor Swift and I have beef. Oh, yeah? You got bad blood? No, I guess we do. No, I have nothing wrong with Taylor Swift. I mostly feel that everybody is mad at Anne Hathaway for being a big phony and like her whole demeanor is completely rehearsed. Yeah.

And Taylor Swift gets none of that, even though she is like the exact same. You know what I mean? Yeah. She's not getting the kind of, uh, yeah, the kind of blowback that an Anne Hathaway has had to endure. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I feel like, uh, am I, am I taking crazy pills here, everybody?

I think, you know, what's crazy pills to me is that both her and Katy Perry and like a host of other very notable, successful women have all dated John Mayer. And it doesn't, to me, it's like, am I in high school? How are these women still going for this guy? Like, it's been a decade of him being a loser. Yeah. Dating the greatest ladies. What was his last success?

Dating these beautiful ladies. Professional. You know, waiting for the world to come change not come waiting for the world to change

that was the last song that he was that was post body is a wonderland mhm and it was post cause I was discussing this with...

But Waiting for the World to Change is not like something that would have been played on Top 40 radio. No. It was like Adult Contempo

10 years ago-go. And a lot of people, I think, give him a pass because he was on The Chappelle Show once. Mm-hmm. Because otherwise,

what has he done that's good? He writes the occasional Watch review What really He's a watch columnist He does watch blogging He wrote an open letter to the

International watch company Really of Schaffhausen Switzerland Because you're a watch fan Yeah you're one of the I'm a swim fan. Oh, no. Dave, don't admit that in public. Well, I'm a fan of swim fans.

I'm a swim fan fan. What is his position on watches? Oh, well, the open letter that he wrote to this company, his favorite watch company, and it was like, hey, stop making so many weird watches. It's like, just make like six classic watches. Don't make a bunch of watches for like, I mean, like, I forget what he said, but it was something along the lines of like, you know, super rich niche people. Yeah.

Which I took to mean as Chinese people. said but it was something along the lines of like you know super rich niche people yeah which i took to mean as chinese people well like do you think it's possible that he wrote waiting on the world to change about a watch company yeah he was waiting to get his watch back from jacob jewelers um yeah no he's yeah it's weird that like um uh a woman today would be won over by John Mayer. Yeah, well, that's the thing. It's not, you know, it's a confusing choice. It's not like when Marilyn Monroe was with all these different famed kind of heads. DiMaggio, Miller, Kennedy.

That kind of you're like, well, you can understand the allure. But with John Mayer, it's like, he looks like he doesn't know how to bathe. And he looks like. I disagree. I think he's probably got a giant penis. That must be part of it. That's got to be part of it. Because to have that kind of confidence and nothing to back it up, you got to be.

You have to have something going. Yeah, that's probably. Yeah. No, that's a good point. Yeah. But yeah, I don't know. He's a guy who's managed to somehow just really stay in the- Plow his way through Hollywood.

Swift, Aniston, Perry. Yeah. just stay in the plow his way through hollywood swift aniston perry yeah and i think he's like do you think jennifer aniston was really like i really like that one episode of chapelle's show well that's the only thing so and then somebody was like oh but he's he's known as a really good guitarist and i was like by who, I've never heard that said. The thing about, like, a virtuoso musician who doesn't have very good songs is, who cares? Well, that's true. Like, I want to hear you just, like, jam the blues. Yeah, like, noodle around. Oh, he's amazing at it, though.

Really? noodle around he well oh he's amazing at it though really and if if being good at guitar is the thing that then why isn't that guy that sells those guitar lessons you know the guy the infomercial guy yeah why isn't he knee deep in uh poontang you don't know he's not well but he's not with you don't see him uh you know young hollywood starlet you don't see him anywhere but in those infomercials he may have been a character created for those infomercials what have you got a home and you know you oh i know what i'm getting you for christmas i bought those for my brother one year stefan does it come with a guitar? I bought it. It was a set that came in a case that was shaped like a guitar.

Oh, neat. Yeah. It was fun. It was videos? Videos and CDs to play along with. Oh, okay. I used to work at a book warehouse, and it came through the book warehouse. Oh, okay.

And I was like, I am buying this Esteban set. Anyways, that guy, yeah, you're probably right. He's probably doing alright. Esteban? Yeah. Yeah, he's the John Mayer of infomercials. And he did that one appearance on, what's the Chappelle show of infomercials?

That's gotta be the magic bullet. Yeah, that's true. With magic bullet yeah that's true with their cast of characters I uh what's your favorite all time infomercial I mean

there's a lot to pick from there like I feel like they're so good now and nobody has cable anymore yeah that's true and I only get to see them like whenever I'm on the road in a hotel room or whatever, I'll watch a lot of commercials. The ones I remember growing up were all Popeil. So there was the dehydrator, the spray on hair. Yep. The pasta maker.

Oh yeah. You can make chocolate pasta. And, oh, the rotisserie chicken. Was that the set it and forget it? That was set it and forget it. Yeah. Set it and forget it. Like, by the end, the audience is caught on. But do you know that that was an improv?

I didn't know the behind the scenes. Have some website done a no oral history of i saw an interview with him and it's like i was like oh yeah i haven't thought about ron popiel in like, a thousand patents on things. Mm-hmm. But he's, like, some things catch. Like, some things are, like, they work like a charm, and then the next thing people are, like, nah, that's dumb. And he just kept inventing and inventing and inventing.

Oh, I don't think he invents them. I think he just buys inventions. Oh, yeah. Or he would see a thing, and then he would, you know, I don't think he invents them. I think he just buys inventions. Oh, yeah. Or he would see a thing and then he would, you know, I'll put an egg timer on it. I think about him every time I go through an airport because the security agents are all wearing rubber gloves and the rubber gloves come out of a container that says Popeil on them.

Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, wow. He's in the glove biz. Wow. And that's the kind of thing you don't need infomercials for. No, that's true. Because, you know, when I'm going through the catalog of stuff we need at my airport,

I trust the name Popeil. Yeah. And then you buy your metal scanners. It's just an all-in-one catalog? Yep. It's just the airport goods? Yeah. It's an airport hammer-kish-slammer.

I love it. I guess it's a SkyMall for the SkyMall. Yes. Yes. And it's where you get your... That thing you step in where it scans your entire body and... Oh, body and people can see how you compare to John Mayer down there. And this year, if it finds something, it plays the tune from the Flintstones. Or you can pick eight different tunes if they find something in that scan.

Oh, yeah. La Cucaracha. Yeah. La Bamba. Lost Lonely Boys. How Far is Heaven? Tears in Heaven. Why would they play that?

Oh, I think we found a box cutter. Would you know my name? So, like, Ron Popeil, that he dominated in the 90s. And then. Oh, yeah. In the last few years, it's been the late Billy Mays. Yeah. The British guy who took over for Billy Mays.

And then. Here's Brosnan. Yeah. Here's Morgan. Slapchop. Oh, yeah. Vince. Vince, the Sl Slapchop. Oh, yeah. Vince. Vince, the Slapchop guy.

Oh, he had a weird last name, didn't he? I met him once. Slapchop, I know. Yeah, it was weird. It was weird. Have you seen his movie that he made? No, but you have. We talked about it.

Oh, yeah. It was gross. But I feel like there was a time like Mr. T had a thing. He had a grill maybe. Oh, yeah. He was in a. Like a couple of years ago. I feel like he may have even been in just like an ad for like a time life collection of music.

Oh, really, Mr. T? I don't know. He definitely he has a reality show well he definitely has a bad attitude oh yeah and uh yeah his it's a diy show i think like renovations oh yeah it's called i pity the tool that is a fact and his daughter is apparently she's a stand-up comedian in chicago you say that with a little bit of surprise well as though not anyone could call themselves no but but i'm like i don't know just the just the possibility of meeting a lady who's a stand-up comedian and also mr t's daughter yeah pretty great. Pretty great. The conversations people

must have. Bet you got a lot of material from around the house. Shut up. Yeah. Why would you say that? Because your dad's a joke. Because your dad's E.T. I was looking something up on my phone

but I forget what. Oh, Vince from Slapdrap's last name. My guess is Vince Salami. Yeah, no, it's something like that. I can't remember what else. I like the Time Life ones. They used to have ads, remember, um the time life series about uh mysterious and they would be like there's like psychic phenomena ancient egypt monsters and witches

and uh they would play that late at night right that? That wasn't just an ad. That was a full spooky infomercial. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It was at night. Yeah. Okay. So Vince, what did you say his last name was? Salami.

He's apparently changed his name. Oh, yeah. It's now Vince Offer. Oh, okay. But it used to be Vince Shlomi. Ah, yeah. That's pretty close. Yeah. Vince Shlomi. Ah, yeah. Pretty close. Yeah, and there was another...

Here's a weird thing, and I don't know if this same thing has to do, where there was infomercials where they would play a bunch of clips from songs, be like the Time Life collection. And then anytime you hear that song...

It would be highlighted? Well, if you hear it in real life, then the next thing you think is the next song that was in that series on the ad. You ever had that? No, I've had that with, like, mixtapes. Yeah, yeah. Same effect to where you hear a song and then you're like, the next song is. Because you hear a mixtape over and over. I don't know if I watched a time life, but I used to watch the one with the guy from Happy Days, the dad from Happy Days.

Tom Bosley? Yeah, Tom Bosley. And he would talk about, oh, these were the crazy times. And I was like, not for you, Tom Bosley. You were old back then. Yeah. You played, your show was on in the 70s and 80s, but it was about the 50s. Yeah.

And he would be the guy like talking about, those were the craziest times. Well, he was young in the 50s and 80s, but it was about the 50s. Yeah. And he would be the guy talking about those were the craziest times. Well, he was young in the 50s, I guess. I guess. Or was he? Oh, boy. He was probably in his 30s and the 50s. Yeah. So he enjoyed...

His real period was the 40s? Yeah, the war. Yeah, boogie-woogie-bugle-boy. Yeah, the war. Yeah, Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy. Yeah. Taps. Those were two songs that were popular. Yeah, sure. The Reveille.

Yeah. This thing that you play before charge. That song. That's not before charge. What song that's not before that's not before charge what is that uh that's before like oh before a horse race oh yeah that was a big song the one before charges Why can't I think of these six notes? Oh, it's... No, that's not it. So what's going on with you? Oh, that's pretty much it.

What's going on with me, my friend, is, hey uh you know how you know how like uh in the summertime you can wear sunglasses yeah and you can look at whatever you want oh yeah that's true no one knows where your eyes are going yeah but if your eyebrows start waggling they know that you're looking at something saucy. So you're walking down the street and taking it all in. I saw a guy, because I always worry about that as someone wearing sunglasses. Like, people can see a little bit of my eyes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They certainly can see a little bit of my eyes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I certainly can see what direction you're looking at. That doesn't hide unless you're wearing some sort of sunglass canister over your head. Oh yeah. Yeah. I wear a welding mask.

Sunglass canister. Like a canister made out of sunglass material. What's a canister? Oh, uhlass material. What's a canister? Oh, you know, like a banister, but with a C. Okay. Yeah. Go on. No, that's it.

I was wearing sunglasses, and I saw this guy coming towards me on the street wearing a very tight black t-shirt okay and it was super sunny yeah and i don't know if it was if under like uh just like light bulb lights it wasn't see-through but he was walking towards me in the sun with his black t-shirt, which I could see through. But while wearing my sunglasses and I was like, I could see every curve of his chest and like his nipples and stuff. Whoa. Like too tight. Yeah. But like, not like a muscle shirt.

Like not like. Just like a too tight shirt. A too tight shirt, but not like stretch tight. Like I couldn't see through it because it was stretched so thin. Right. It was just like see-through. Weird. But I think unintentionally.

Like I don't think he knew. So it wasn't like a sheer material. Yeah. Huh. Um, and it, it, it, it, like it made me rethink sunglasses and like, like, just like if I take my sunglasses off, can, will I lose this ability to see through a shirt? Am I wearing magic sunglasses? Like you might be wearing like the sunglasses from that, uh, they live movie.

Yes. Yeah. Like you can suddenly see through everybody's X-ray sunglasses. I came here to chew bubble gum and do a variety of things. Yeah. Like you can suddenly see through everybody's X-ray sunglasses. I came here to chew bubble gum and do a variety of things. Yeah. Mostly look at your t-shirts to see if I could see through them. But yeah, it was just like so many things on top of each other of like that see-through. My glasses, are they see-through?

Right. Like can people, can his nipples see my eyes right now? And will they say his eyes are up there um yeah like and he was wearing sunglasses which i was like can he then see where does he know that i'm looking at his nipples why would his sunglasses impede him from knowing that i also sometimes Also, sometimes we'll be reading a slogan that's on somebody's shirt. Some woman's shirt? Man or woman. And I wonder if they think like, ugh, creep over here.

Well, men wouldn't think that. Or would they? I mean, you know, well, I guess maybe guys wouldn't care. But, you know, I really like to stare. I like to open my eyes as wide as possible so I can take it all in. You put on those clockwork orange things. But, yeah, I'm always worried that when I'm wearing sunglasses that I forget that I'm like, oh, yeah, you got to still keep the, just like get a glimpse of something and then move on.

Yeah. It's not a free pass. Yeah. But I feel like sometimes I forget that it's not a free pass. Speaking of a free pass, I think in the last episode, I mentioned that Adam Sandler has a lifetime free pass for me. Yeah. I forgot that he's kind of a ghoul.

Yeah, he's kind of a ghoul. Yeah, he's kind of a ghoul. He also. So that pass is revoked. You saw the photo that Morgan tagged us in on Facebook. That really does sum up just about everything. Yeah. Him and Kevin James in sweats. Mm-hmm.

Had a premiere of a movie. And Selena Gomez, I want to say, in like a ball gown. I mean, they couldn't have just emailed each other and been like, we're going to go casual to this because it's a voice work thing. So we don't need to be in tuxedos. I'm sure she was like, okay, guys, I'm going to I'm still going to wear the night's clothes. Yeah. It wasn't like it was. I'm still a movie star.

Yeah. It's not like they were holding a barbecue for the premiere. Yeah. Really? You're going to get sauce all over your dress. Yeah. Oh, and if you want vegetarian hot dogs, bring your own. And if you want vegetarian hot dogs, bring your own.

And we're not going to like cordon off a special part of the barbecue for vegetarian stuff, just so you know. Yeah, yeah. Like it's just going to be in the. Well, I mean, you can have it there on its own, but like I can't guarantee that meat hasn't touched that area. Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, exactly. But and, you know, if you want to wear that ball gown, but, you know, if you wear heels, it's going to be tough in the lawn. Because we're going to play lawn darts. We're going to play lawn darts?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. How do you play them? No, you do lawn darts. Ah, yeah, we're going to do darts. Yeah. Do you think you could do darts? Like the kind they use on escaped zoo animals? Oh, like tranks?

Yeah. Yes. Yes. Tranks. zoo animals oh like uh tranks yeah yes yes tranks just yeah you can have an epi pen of trank isn't it like horse tranquilizers wasn't that like a thing people did in the 70s yeah when people talk about drank do they mean trank no when they talk about drank they mean scissor up don't they but what do they mean when they say scissor yeah is that codeine it's some cough medicine isn't it yeah it's cough medicine but i had somebody i was chatting with they said they thought it was over the counter and i was like why would anybody just drink a bunch of over the counter cough medicine doesn't do anything just syrupy it doesn't like i mean i guess it doesn't

not do anything but codeine's the one that, like, whoo! I mean, I don't know. I'm a big NyQuil guy. Yeah, NyQuil's good. But that just, that's more of a trank. But yeah, don't you take NyQuil, and then you take some DayQuil, and then you take a little liquor drink,

and then you take a cider drink? Yeah. And you're speedballing quills. Have you ever had the cough syrup with codeine? I don't know. It's when they prescribe to you if you have a really, really bad cough. No, I guess not. Man, it is.

I can see that being like, I don't understand how that hasn't moved up in the ranks of like drugs to watch. 2015's drugs to watch. I, yeah, I don't understand how that hasn't moved up in the ranks of like drugs to watch. 2015's drugs to watch. I, yeah, I don't do anything recreationally. But like sometimes my back will hurt and I'll be like, yay, I get to take muscle relaxants. Do they make you like, like floopy floopy like do they make you feel like or does it just feel like ah that's nice it's a yes sort of uh yeah that's spicy me yeah an aperitif uh-huh i wonder if there's there's got to be blogs about like the cool new drugs oh yeah because i don't know what i don't know i saw, like, the cool new drugs. Oh, yeah. Because I don't know what.

I don't know. I saw something today where the cool new drug is. What's that? I don't remember the name. Yeah. It's something that's readily available, though. Oh, cool. Like phenolphthalein?

Phenolphthalein? Phenolphthalein? I'm only interested in ones that have fun names. Crank. Spank. Yeah. What was the? Yogurt. Yogurt. fun names. Crank, Spank. Yeah. What was the... Yogurt. Yogurt.

Gogurt. Gogurt. Bath salts. Yeah, bath salts. Oh, bath salts. What? Well, they were the hot drug of two years ago. Yeah, but you never did them.

No. No, because didn't people chew each other's faces off and stuff? Yeah, but you said you wanted something with a fun name. Yeah, that's true. Bath salts is fun. Yeah, like, the only thing I know is ecstasy, and that's the old man drug. Yeah. It's been around forever.

Oh, yeah. It's been around since that movie Go. Remember that movie? Yeah. It was weird that they invented a drug for a movie. Yeah, but. And, like, mass manufactured it for the. Well, they were like, it a drug for a movie. Yeah, but. And like mass manufactured it for the. Well, they were like, it's popular in the movie.

It's like when they make a toy based on a movie. Yeah, and they put in all the Go Happy Meals, you got a bit of ecstasy. That's pretty good. Yeah. Dip your fries in it. Yeah, but like that's the last time that I remember like a drug being like, dip your fries in it go uh yeah but like that's the last time

that I remember like a drug being like here's a new drug on the scene well I just heard a song by Huey Lewis go on he wants a new drug

can you does he take credit cards no that's a different song I know uh before the show we were listening to the best of Huey Lewis

in the news uh it might have been the 20th century masters, we were listening to the best of Huey Lewis and the News. It might have been the 20th Century Masters. But we were talking about how one of the reasons that we couldn't be lyricists is because we'd be too embarrassed about our lyrics being dumb. Yeah. And someone can totally just do a quick impression of you and make you feel bad. Yeah. What was the line in that song?

Oh. Love is like cream or something? Oh, well, the power of love. It's like warm cream? Yeah, it's rich like cream. Yeah, rich like cream. Something, something, something dream. And it's like if somebody came up to you after a show It was like oh yeah it's richly cream

You just feel bad You're like you're right that was dumb Yeah I'm not singing anymore Cause there's some Most lyrics are dumb Yeah and Huey Lewis is You can always say like oh well he's laughing all the way to the bank But so many people aren't

No that's true Some people are laughing their way to the poor house Would you laugh on the way to the poorhouse you're crying all the way to the poor yeah yeah crying you those those lyrics that's not a bad lyrics i'm crying all the way to the poorhouse oh no i quit i quit the battle of the bands. Were you ever in a Battle of the Bands? Fun? Yeah. I mean, fine.

Did you guys win? We did the local college radio station does an annual shindig. And there's three bands um uh i guess there's probably what's three times three times three nine 27 yeah 27 bands and there's like uh uh they go three at a time right and you uh if you win your night you make it onto the next round

and then the finals have three people i, you make it onto the next round. And then the finals have three people. I think we made it to the second round. Hmm. There's a person who, or a band who won go onto anything or do you remember who won the year? We did it. Um, well,

it was a band called the front featuring, uh, past guest, Chris Vons on Baffy. Oh, the front. That's a pretty good name for a band. Yeah. Uh, yeah. i never was in uh i was in a uh kawanas uh band battle but it's not called a band battle

it's called like an adjudication or something like that when i played in band i played oh those kinds of yeah we didn't do well. Oh, like a school band? Yeah. Yeah. And you had to, like, go on stage, and it was just a panel of judges that would watch, and then... But that's all gotta sound awful. Like, how can you tell, like... These kids work their asses off, and they sound like shit. This kid's playing a donkey.

Oh, yeah, here's another band playing One Tin Soldier. And our song is One Tin Soldier. Oh, God. Because there weren't a lot of great songs that a junior high band could play. And this is just like Brass and Woodwinds? Brass and Woodwinds. No, we had some... We had, I think, a guitar and also drums okay but no

strings no no yeah it was uh but i think we maybe played a song from the lion king and uh i mean almost unrecognizable but the thing in band was there were people who really were into it. And then there were people who really weren't into it. And they all came together in the spirit of love and harmony. But like in a band that you started, like you wouldn't have two guys that were just like not into it. Oh, yeah. I'm just doing this for credit. Yeah.

So it was like some people. That's why my lyrics are so shitty. Mastered solos. and then other people who weren't even playing in key some people were just miming i definitely did that in like where we all had to sing together oh yeah i'm just gonna move my mouth i know the words air band this um yeah but i remember like you know because people would be hitting the wrong note or hitting a note that was too high that's the wrong going yeah going you know that sound and uh but what would what's the best case scenario you win the kiwanis thing well yay

we did it. You get a dumb trophy? Yeah, and then the next year you're not going to be the same band. Do you know what I mean? I know, because the fame's changed here. So it only is a reflection on the teacher, really. I guess so.

That they could whip together a bunch of ragtag criminals. This is Mr. Holland's opus. Oh, yeah. Have they ever done one about a guy who goes into prison and starts a prison band? And then they go, well, how would they go to a thing? They all have to get day passes. And then they go on a crime spree.

They never make it to the thing because they all commit crimes. Cautionary tale. Yep. And somebody gets stabbed with an oboe. Yeah. There are organizations that raise money to give musical instruments to prisoners. Really? Yeah.

Oh, okay. Something to do. Really? Yeah. Oh, okay. Something to do. Something positive. It's better than just sitting in a cell and, well. Sharing a toilet with your roommate. Oh, man. Like, I don't even like sharing the toilet that I have. And it's a private toilet.

There's a door that locks. Yeah. How do you share a toilet where you got to see everything that goes on? Say you got 30 days that locks. Yeah. Oh, I'm going to share a toilet where you got to see everything that goes on. Say you got 30 days in prison. Yeah. Think you could hold it? Well, I mean, you'd have to every day, like consciously eat something that kind of like bungs you up.

Stop it. Yeah. I think, I don't think I could hold it. I think on the first day I'd be like, I gotta go 20 times a day. I'm so nervous. I got a nervous stomach. What's going on with you?

Well, recently I was in Saskatchewan a few weeks ago. Yeah. And I was in a town called Prince Albert. Uh-huh. And. And that's named after penis piercing?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Prince Albert in the can. That's when you stick your penis in the can. Okay. The. So, like, when I was there, I was trying to find out, like, a fun thing about each town. Uh-huh. By researching on wikipedia and

this is the weird thing that i found out is there's this thing called the st louis ghost train so there's a small town in saskatchewan called st louis okay and it's the most common name of a town in north america oh springfield, probably. Columbus. Ooh, yeah. Columbus and. Columbia. Hmm. That's a good, like, do you think that there's, I was going to say Washington, but that's not right.

Lincoln. Hmm. Probably a lot of towns named Lincoln. Hmm. Um, yeah. All right. Yeah. Fun.

Yeah. Pretty good. Um. So you were the St. Louis All right. Yeah. Fun. Yeah. Pretty good. Um, so you were the St. Louis ghost train. Yeah. So the, the story of it is that you can see this light that kind of skips along where the train track that's halfway between St. Louis and Prince Albert and you know,'s seen this thing and they can't explain.

It's, you know, somebody tried to explain it by like it's light from the highway that's being refracted through, you know, some kind of, I don't know. Ghost? Yeah. It's like bouncing off of something. And that was kind of disproven. But a lot of people have seen this. Like it's a very well-known thing.

And so I brought it up on stage in Prince Albert, and nobody in the audience wanted to talk about it. Oh, they had heard about it. Oh, yes. But they were like, I was like, you guys have heard. We were up late watching Time Life, Secrets of the Unknown. Yeah. Infomercials. secrets of the unknown yeah and and the story is the ghost story is that it's a train engineer who lost his head and is walking along the tracks with a lantern looking for his head

that's the ghost story how is he looking for it or feeling around? Oh, he, uh, I guess. Yeah, I didn't even think about that. Good call. This ghost story stinks. Well, first of all, even feeling around, it wouldn't work. Because you need a brain. Yeah. That's true.

Like, even if he could stand up straight, he's not feeling anything. His nerve center is completely kaput. Yeah. But he can still walk? In this world, he can still walk. I guess so. But you're right. How can he?

Maybe he lost his head, but everything but his nose or one ear. Yeah. His neck has unfinished business. So, I brought it up. I'm hoping this happened like 200 years ago. this wasn't just a guy who lost his head a month and a half ago no no this is this like the train line isn't even uh there anymore okay um but where it was you mean the railroad uh what did i say train line yeah yeah that's the one railroad it's not there anymore um anyway so i brought up on stage and everybody had heard about

it but nobody wanted to talk about it they were like move on and i was like why is this nobody wanted to talk about it because it's rude to talk during a comedy show but i asked a lady even after the show i was like why what was that and she was like she didn't want to talk about it and i so i thought that was weird but then uh you know moving forward i did a show for like a corporate daytime show for uh cbc pensioners okay and um during the show one of the people there she's 81 years old uh she said she was from prince albert, Saskatchewan. I was like, congratulations on being from the stabbing capital of Canada. We all had a good time.

And then I asked her about the ghost guy. And she was like, didn't want to talk about it. So what do you think? What do you think is going on? Even an old lady would be superstitious. Yeah. Weird, right? I guess so.

That a whole town is like, because it's a thing they know. It's a thing, but they want to not talk about. Oh, man. Yeah, right? Do big cities have that? Like, are people in New York? I guess they probably don't want to talk about 9-11. Yeah.

But that's a thing yeah oh you mean like a ghost story or something like that or an urban legend are there things that like you just don't bring up in certain cities i know for sure when i went years ago i went to italy and i bought like a book of like Italian phrases and stuff. Uh-huh. It said very in bold in the front of the book, like don't ever talk about Mussolini. Okay. And I'm like, yeah, okay, that makes sense. But also I wouldn't, I wouldn't not have talked about Mussolini, but you know.

Ooh, gelato. Oh, and Mussolini. Yeah, do you have Mussolini flavor? Gross. know oh gelato oh and mussolini yeah do you have mussolini flavor gross calm it's a good tour uh who who opens that show who headlines yeah king kong the wolfman i mean i guess they have to fight every night to find out who although king kong versus the wolfman isn't much of a oh no he bit my uh my calf but like uh in a show like that because like i saw an ad for uh it was like the stars of marvel live yeah and i'm like well what is that show because they're not actual uh things so they're people coming out in costumes, I guess? Yeah, it's basically Spider-Man turn off the dark, but in like an arena.

Yeah. So it's safer. So, but he's going to swing around in the rafters. Yeah. Give the nosebleed seat something to cheer for. Oh, yeah. Check out that guy's butt. And then like Hulk is going to be like an inflated guy.

So he's big. Yeah. Like he can't just be a pretty big guy. Yeah. He's going to be really big. Captain America is just going to be a regular guyated guy so he's big yeah like he can't just be a pretty big guy yeah really big captain america is just going to be a regular guy yeah muscle suit but that but for history and also with monsters yeah yeah those the monsters are all public domain right i think so yeah uh also you know what i found out his public domain that I was like really surprised? Uh, Popeye is, uh, yeah. And has been in Canada for like 20 years.

Oh, cool. Yeah. So I don't have to pay anyone for these, for these erotic art I've been, uh. Oh, I've never even searched for Popeye erotic art, but I will. I don't think the term erotic art would be what you would search for. Do you know that apparently Donkey Kong when they created

Mario, that was supposed to be Popeye, but they couldn't get the licensing. So they were like, yeah, we'll just make a guy. Oh, Mario was supposed to be Popeye. Yeah. I thought they were just really bad at drawing Popeyes. They came out looking like Donkey Kong.

No, Donkey Kong was the game, but the little guy that was fighting it was supposed to be a Popeye. Why? I don't know. I don't know. They just read that in, like, facts about arcade games. You know, ten mind-blowing facts. Didn't I blow your mind? You clicked on it, didn't you?

Yeah, of course. Oh, you took the bait. Yeah. The CB. Upworthy. I wonder if they're doing all right now. I think we talked about them a couple weeks ago. Oh, they've already busted their own bubble?

Yeah. Everybody knows. But, like, what if Upworthy started telling scary stories? Like, you'll get so, you'll crap your pants when you read that story. Less uplifting, more. Spooky? Spooky. Do you ever go to any of those?

Like they're called the creepypastas. What? It's a thing online that are like stories or videos or photos that are supposed to like you read them in the dark and you get like kind of creeped out oh man it's the best it's the best you put a blanket over your head i only do one thing in the dark glow yeah um but yeah you never read any no what do you do i just read them when i get real scared they're just stories sometimes they're stories sometimes they're like this was a thing that happened on a chat room and it'll have the pictures involved yeah yeah yeah sometimes

it'll be pictures of a person and then there'll be something in the background you'll be like it's slenderman isn't it you're just reading about slenderman yeah slenderman's scary well yeah it's not the most scary, but he's pretty scary. Tall guy that just walks around and scares you? Isn't that what he does? I guess so. Like. But like.

What's so scary about a tall man? I don't know. And he's dressed nice, too. I don't think you can make out what he's wearing. Oh, I thought he wore a tie and a tall man. I don't know. And he's dressed nice, too. I don't think you can make out what he's wearing. Oh, I thought he wore a tie and a nice jacket. I don't know. He's so slender. Yeah, that's true. Well, he's who they make suits for.

Well, I don't know. Let's just hang it off those slender bones of his. Those slender hips. But yeah, I enjoy the creepy... Yeah? I don't know. It's a cheap thrill. is a very cheap thrill cheapest um because i don't know like you don't even need to pay for for wi-fi because you go to the coffee shop and you put a blanket over your head i'm just gonna read

some spooky things could you guys dim could you guys turn down the jazz? Because jazz doesn't make you feel spooky. It makes you feel like. But I don't think they listen to that in coffee shops. Maybe in Starbucks. In 1994. No, they listen to, you know, Euro jazz. Oh, in Starbucks. It'll be like the Diana Krall CD they're selling.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Peel me a grape. Is that a song? Yeah, very much. Pe peel me a grape is that a song yeah very much peel me a grape yeah other fruits put your fingernails in the fruit that i'm about to eat babe oh yeah that's pretty good yeah do you want to move on to overheards? Oh, yes, please. Ty is a pedantic person. I think when he pronounces these words, it's in a very show-offy way.

Gyro. Gyro. Sacre bleu. Sacre bleu. Ayers Rock. Uluru. Uluru. What you are witnessing is real.

The participants are not actors. They are actual litigants with real cases. They call in via Skype to Judge John Hodgman's court, the real people's court. Now I call you to Judge John Hodgman's internet court. Find it at MaximumFun.org or wherever you download podcasts bikini season volleyball time hot dogs and hamburgers get ready to the olympic dive fourth of july are you ready for rollerblading rain time that's right it's erin and brian from throwing shade if you didn't know from that very clear intro we take a look at issues involving ladies

and gays and we treat them with much less respect than they deserve. So watch out, punks. So hey, download us and take us to the beach while you're doing your summertime fun. Is this peel me a grape? What do you think? I hope so. Peel me a grape grape crush me some ice skin me a peach save the fuzz for my pillow what gross these are the type of lyrics i was talking about Dine me 69 me?

We're getting there. What? I'm sorry, but your pillow has a bunch of peach fuzz on it? You're going to get a bunch of bugs. That's how you... What do it is like a spooky night you peel a bunch of grapes yeah you put out some uh cold spaghetti pop me a cork french me a fry french me a fry bring a bowl full of bonbons jazz is dumb Tramia Fry. Jazz is dumb. Why can't you be cool like Huey Lewis?

Overheard. Overheard. That's the one. Yeah. Segment in which you and I hear things. And the people out there also. Uh-huh. And then we share.

We go tit for tat. Uh-huh. you do you want to start i guess so i mine's not great i was really counting on our guest uh carrying the weight this week yeah me too um uh but uh better luck next time uh i was at the atm today and the atm is right next to a, um, like a bike rack. Yeah. Like you can see there's a window on the side of the ATM kiosk. Yeah. You can see outside and there's a bike rack and there were these two women, uh, next to me, uh, looking out the window while they're at the ATM. And one was like, what is that thing? Is it squishy?

And the other one was like, it that thing is it squishy and the other one was like it looks squishy the bottom part right it must be squishy or it would fall over and i went out and i looked i was like i have no idea i have no idea what they're talking about like you couldn't figure it out i could not figure out the some kind of squishy thing like some sort of maybe like a pylon or something that was squishy otherwise it would fall over beanbag some kind of some kind of squishy thing. Like some sort of, maybe like a pylon or something that was squishy, otherwise it would fall over. Yeah, or beanbag. Some kind of beanbag bike. Oh, gross.

Because you leave it out in the rain once and then it gets all wet and starts sprouting. Because they're beans. Oh, they're beans, right. Yeah. Are beanbags made out of beans? They used to be, but now they're probably just plastic beans yeah parts of old calculators did you ever have a bean bag chair no no i had a friend who did uh-huh yeah great so much fun to sit in i had one i had a very cool room in my high school years. Beanbag chair.

Lava lamp? Yes, sir. What else? Blacklight poster? No. Okay. Posters of Steve Eisenman and Randall Cunningham. No Lamborghini posters?

I did cut some stuff out of a magazine of cars. Yeah? Okay. Let's see. Did you have any glow-in-the-dark stickers on your roof? No, I wasn't a baby. Hey, they were still cool even if you were a teenager. They're still cool to look at.

Be under the stars. Yeah. Nice. Do put on some theater. Theater under the stars. Yeah. You know, the Shrek musical oh yeah i'm gonna miss theater under the stars this year like every year oh you know uh this year uh in vancouver our uh shakespeare

in the park is called bard on the beach yes and they're doing a steampunk version of i don't know one of the one of the loser plays yeah one of One of the ones they don't make movies out of? Much ado about steampunk. Yeah. No, although they've made a lot of movies of that. Yeah, As You Like It or Comedy of Errors. But is it... Here's a question, and this is an honest question.

Uh-huh. I don't... Like, what is steampunk? Like, I know that it's goggles and gears, but I don't get what it steampunk like I know that it's goggles and gears but I don't get what it is that's all but what is it though like you know like if if I'm like dressed like star wars or dressed like the future I know what that is yeah but steampunk wasn't a thing that was a time no it's like a you know, futuristic stuff from back then. It's like taking 1800s technology to make futuristic.

It's Wild Wild West. Yeah, it is Wild Wild West, right? Yeah. I feel like we've had this conversation seven years ago. But it's still around? No. I don't know that it is. Maybe on someone's deviant art page.

No, I don't know that it is. Maybe on someone's deviant art page. But I think the people who put on Shakespeare plays are just getting around. Right. So it's like, because I feel like there's a store in Vancouver that sells maybe corsets and stuff for steampunk. Uh-huh. So steampunk. Uh-huh. So steampunk guys get together at a bathhouse somewhere steamy? Yeah, yeah, and they rust. I guess not, because they got steam.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, boy. No, I... Look, I don't know what they do. That's all. Yeah, I guess I don't know what it is beyond the aesthetic. Yeah. Like, are there steampunk activities?

Is there a steampunk, like, three-legged race? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, what happens at a steampunk gathering? Are there steampunk bands? They probably eat steamed hot dogs. That's delicious. Yeah? They probably listen to Petereter gabriel's steam

um those are the two things they know that everybody knows dive hold your breath count two five back stretch booby trap everybody wants to stay alive open the door get on the floor everybody walk the dinosaur oh no what do we do don't look now but i lost my shoe these are all good yeah oh wow i think more songs need like a like some kind of uh yeah we're like double dutch in the middle oh wow so like cracked steampunk yeah wait, did you do yours yet? No. Okay. Mine is a courtesy of a guy trying to hit on a girl on the bus.

Oh, boy. Yeah, he was a real winner coming on the bus. I was like, this guy's going to make some trouble. And, uh. What, uh, paint me a picture. Time of day. Uh, it, you know what? It's 9 or 10 p.m.

Yeah, the magic hour. Yeah, last call. This guy. What route? This is the number three main. Oh, that's a good one. Heading south. Oh.

And this guy is just. This guy is hoping to be heading south. Yeah, he's wearing a, you know, he's just maybe come from a construction site, some sort of manual labor. He's wearing steel toed boots and, uh, reeks. And, uh, maybe he's been drinking since the sun went down. Sure. Yeah. And, uh, anyways, uh, he like gets a girl to like take out her earbuds so that he can hit on her just before he gets off the bus too.

So I was like, what is this? This guy's going to have work. This guy works quick. Yeah. Hey, come with me. Yeah. And he's like, hey, where are you going? And she's like, home?

And he's like, all right. And then he goes, well, don't be afraid to, what did he say? Don't be afraid to smile next time. And then he gets off the bus, which, well, what next time? Are we, is this your everyday hangout on the bus? Come on. This is a girl's listening to a. Whatever.

Yeah. NPR. FYI. The show from Irby Brown. Yeah. Listen to Wake Up San Francisco. Yeah. Yeah.

I think telling women to smile is cool. Oh, yeah. Exactly. Especially if they're frowning. I know, right? Turn it upside down, ladies. Especially if they're frowning. I know, right?

Turn it upside down, ladies. Catch more flies with sugar than you do with anti-fly repellent. Anti-fly repellent? So that's a thing that you put on to get flies? Yeah. Yeah. I guess that works. If you're wearing too much fly repellent, you put on a little bit of anti-fly repellent. Yeah.

And that way. It's a nice touch. But you know what? Still not as good as a little bit of anti-fly repellent. Yeah. Hmm. And that way. It's a nice touch. But you know what? Still not as good as a little bit of sugar. Oh, yeah. Honey? Well, wait. You catch more flies with honey.

Yeah. Than with vinegar. Yeah. Is that the one? Yeah. And this guy was a fly. Well, you know what? People tell you to put on vinegar if you've got fruit flies.

You'll catch them. Oh, yeah. A little red wine vinegar. Yeah. Yeah. Why not some red wine honey? And also, you know, to age old question, who's looking to catch flies? Because that's gross.

I guess the people who have flies buzzing around there. You know what catches flies like nothing else? Shit. That way you can combine your two favorite things. Dead insects and excrement. Come on, baby. You catch more flies with shit. Hey, don't be afraid to shit next time.

All right. Now, we also have overheards sent in to us by people all over the world. La, la, la. If you want to send one in to us, you can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org This first one comes from Ken H in Parts Unknown. Was walking down the sidewalk

when two girls passed going in the opposite direction. All I heard was one of them say, and now I have to shower with a plastic trash bag around my waist. Why? Well, because like if you break your leg, you have to keep the cast in a plastic trash bag. So you might as well just wear trash pants, like some sort of trash pants.

Maybe she has had some kind of surgery. Or like a pelvic. I wonder if maybe if you have like a C-section if you have to do that. Oh, I don't know. You don't? Why don't I know that? It's been a long time since I've had stitches. Or some kind of surgery if you would need to.

But I don't know how you would fashion such a thing. Because it's not like wrapping it around an extremity. Oh, I know how I would do it. Step into it? Yeah. I would literally just open a trash bag, make two leg holes, and then tie it up at my waist. You'd get one of the trash bags that has those. Oh, absolutely.

Right. And then. But cinch them. Yeah, and then I'd get two Ziploc things for pockets and then strap those on. And then I got pants that I can wear out of the shower. Yeah. So I don't have to waste them. Why?

We were talking earlier about the diaper fashion phenomenon. Yeah. Why not this? Why not just trash bags? Yeah. With pockets. Ziploc pockets. Ziploc pockets. Ziploc pockets and button flies made out of, you know, old garbage I found on the ground. Uh-huh.

Button flies made out of flies. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you catch more flies with garbage pants. Yeah, that's true. That's what my mom used to say. This next one comes to us courtesy of Scott V. Ah. Long Island, New York.

Hey, oh, pizza pie. No. No? You have offended every. All of Long Island? Yeah. And everybody loves pizza? Mm-hmm.

Oops. The entire Nassau County. Recently, I was at a coffee shop sitting at a table next to two middle-aged women. They were discussing various things, and the conversation drifted to music, at which point one said, I love Annie Lennox. I've always loved her music. But if she's ever on TV, I have to leave the room or turn off the TV. I get just so upset.

The other woman gently took her friend's hand and responded, I know how you feel. I do the exact same thing. What? What about Annie Lennox? But like, do they get upset or do they get overwhelmed? Oh, they're like, like oh it's too much yeah yeah yeah i love her so much um is this when is this overheard from is it from that like two-week period where annie like lennox was on tv a bunch um february this is from january okay

maybe yeah why was she oh because she was on the grammys yeah that? Oh, because she was hanging out. She was on the Grammys. Yeah, that's right. And then she was in the Super Bowl. She played for Seattle. Hey. Yeah, she was the winning kick, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then she was at the NBA All-Star Game. She won the slam dunk competition. That would be really a fun addition to Canadian football,

is every time there's a kickoff, you bring in a celebrity to do it. And that, I think, would really goose the numbers. But would they be Canadian celebrities? No, it'd be whoever we could get. Well, yeah. D-listers from America. Now kicking, Kato Katelyn. Kato Katelyn?

What was his last name? Katelyn. Oh, Kato Katelyn. No, say it again. Kato Katelyn. Say it ten last name? Katelyn. Oh, Kato Katelyn. No, say it again. Kato Katelyn. Say it ten more times. No, I can't. Don't let him laugh.

Kato Katelyn. Hello, Katelyn. Curly Clamor Claw. Clamor Claw. Blit now kicking. Who's another? For the Saskatchewan Rough Riders. Lark Voorhees.

Lance Bass. Do you think we can get Lance Bass? Oh, boy. Your lips to God's ears. Yeah. Now, kicking for the Hamilton Tigercats, Edgar Winter. Edgar Winter Kicking off For The Montreal Alouettes

A Whitney Houston impersonator This last one comes from I just got a text message And for a second I was like This is for me This last one comes from... I just got a text message. And for a second I was like, this is for me. Yeah. The first line of it is,

Hi, sweetie. Beauty is fashion. Do you want to buy a Louis Vuitton bag with the cheapest price? Oh, yeah. Do you? I don't know if I've ever gotten text spam. I have. I always write gotten text spam. I have. I always write back, please do fuck off. Like they've reached some sort of gentleman.

Oh, yes. Please, please go fuck yourself. This last one comes from Trevor Y. from Vancouver. Right here in Vancouver. On a recent vacation, I was taking a flight from Phoenix to Seattle for the middle leg of my trip. Uh, there's a lot of filler in here. Does he know it's filler? Well, it's a, yeah.

Uh, so he gets off the plane and the planes emptied out a few minutes after the recently arrived had cleared the area to head towards baggage, a voice came over the intercom speaker. Attention travelers, would the passenger from flight 413, seat 27F, return to gate 29? You need to return the seat cushion as it belongs to the plane. So, how did that happen? Well, maybe he's going somewhere where he would need a flotation device. Do you think he got stuck in his butt? And he didn't even know?

Peel this grape out of my butt. I feel bad for that plane. Because, you know, then there would be a seat that's like, oof. You get the road to yourself, but you have to sit in a seat with no cushions. Yeah, it's just a bunch of weird aluminum springs. Yeah. What is the secret? Like, how, I know they say it can be used as a flotation device.

I've never taken it out, though. I didn't, you know, when they say that, I think it's, you know, it's like suggested serving. Yeah. Like, nobody has ever actually taken it out. But they're just bragging I mean it could be used as a flotation device oh it can do all kinds of things it can be used as a flotation device

yeah you know what the only limit is your imagination it's a certified general accountant yeah you could wear it as a vest and let your friends punch you in the chest with it and uh you know it could be a fun funky hat you know or you know if we had a group of improvisers they could do all sorts of things

mostly it's a phone oh the president's calling he'll be here in 30 seconds we gotta get this dinner ready um now in addition overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328. Like these people, hey, out. Hi, Dave and Graham and possible fantastic guests. This is Virginia from Seattle. I'm calling in with an overheard. It's actually my daughter's conversation that she told me about. So it's the end of the year.

Her fifth grade promotion is coming up. She was talking with her friend, a little boy, about what they're wearing to promotion. So she said, what are you wearing to promotion? And he said, oh, I don't know. What about you? And she said, oh, I'm going to wear the dress that I wore to my sister's bat mitzvah. And he said, really?

I didn't know you were Mexican. Quinceanera. I guess. Yeah. If that's what he thinks she was talking about. Yeah. Uh, but that's a,

that's a similar kind of thing. It's like a Debbie's home coming out party. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. i don't know are they not it's a coming of age yeah celebration yeah so but one is more i actually don't know anything about a quinceanera no you have to be 15 yeah and i know that there's like uh i've seen maybe on my super sweet 16 them doing a cantinera yeah which is misleading from the title yeah also maybe there was a movie i watched where one of the characters nieces was

having one this is all i know about uh but i'm i'm trying to you know trying to unpack it trying to figure out what i know there's no i didn't have anything in my growing up did you ever come of age you didn't come i never came of age did you um let's see what are the coming of ages you didn't get bar mitzvah no you didn't have i can see in no i didn't uh i didn't have a vision quest no um. Um, let's see. Uh, what else could you do? Yeah. What else? I'm sure there's some.

Did you fuck a pie? Did you? No, I never fucked a pie. Did you and your classmates, uh, make a pinky vow that you'd all lose your virginities? Uh, no, no. I think, uh, I don't know. For all I know, most of my friends from high school never did. Lose their virginity?

Yeah. I think they still, cause we didn't make that deal, people just kept putting it off and putting it off. I know, and then one day you're 80 years old, you're an old spinster. Yeah, but it's like, you know, that's why you got to set yourself deadlines. Because otherwise you'll never get anything done. Yeah, that's the problem with these millennials. They don't have a coming of age yeah that's true and everybody gets a sex ribbon even if they didn't have any what color is the sex ribbon oh you don't want to know okay flesh yeah oh gross you put it on

you can't even see it no i am wearing am wearing a ribbon, but you can't tell. The word flesh. Yeah. Made life. The word flesh is, sometimes it refers to your skin, like flesh tone. Yeah. Sometimes it refers to like the innards, like the flesh of, you know, a peach. Oh, yeah, yeah.

After you peel you a peach, keep the fuzz from my pillow. Gross. What if you got to a hotel and you're like, are these pillows feather? And they're like, no, it's peach fuzz. Oh, they're inside. Yeah, yeah. Gross. Yeah, that's true.

But did you ever have a thing where you're coming of age? Now you are a man. I didn't do, what's the Christian? The confirmation? Confirmation. I don't know if I got that. I did that. But I didn't, there was no big deal about it.

You just went and said a thing and that was it. Is that not a coming of age? I don't know. I feel like there has to be prizes. Oh, right. You didn't get any envelopes? No, right. You didn't get any envelopes. No, yeah. I didn't get any goods.

I didn't get a local celebrity to sing at my coming of age. Yeah, you didn't get Luther Lackey. Who's Luther Lackey? My favorite episode of Super Sweet Sixteen, this girl was like turning 60. I forget. She might have been the one who said everything was juicy. Okay. She's like, I say things are juicy.

Paris Hilton says things are hot. Oh, but I'm the one who says things are juicy. My thing is juicy. Oh, say, do you say. And anyway, maybe this girl, maybe someone else. She was from Detroit. Okay. And her dad was like, we're going to get you a very prominent Detroit artist.

Oh, wow. She was like Kid Rock, Kid Rock, Kid Rock. She was like Eminem, Eminem. She was seriously like, oh, my dad's rich. We're getting Eminem. Oh, yeah. Eminem. And then Luther Lackey.

Did you know who that was? No, nobody did. Oh, no. Especially when you're expecting Eminem. Nothing beats Luther Lackey. You know what would have been the greatest is she was hoping for Eminem, and then the dad gets her like a guy in a big Eminem suit. And he doesn't know.

He doesn't know from Eminem and Eminem. Yeah. Yeah. He thought he was doing the right thing i got yeah he's gonna do a rap about eminem oh yeah peanuts plain that's the kind when you get a video be kind rewind uh next phone call? Yeah. Hey there, Dave, Graham, and probably suave guest. No! Bill in Dallas calling in with an overheard. I just walked out of my front door to run some errands, and the house next door to me is under construction. And as I walked out the door, a couple workers in the front of the house

were having some sort of loud conversation. The only part I heard was one guy say, I'll tell you who's going to kill Barack Obama. And the other guy goes, who? And the first guy says, these nuts. Not the best setup, but a really good payoff. Yeah, I feel like that call's going to get us on a list.

Yeah, the Deez Nuts enthusiast list. Yeah, the because you how do you like those nuts? How about Deez Nuts is the setup for that joke, right? I don't know if I ever caught the origins of that joke. I just know it like, do you like tapes or CDs?

CDs. Well, CDs nuts. Yeah, that's pretty good. Do you think that there's... Who do you think has at Deez Nuts on Twitter? Probably... A nut company? Do you want me to Twitter it?

Yeah, I'm kind of interested. Can you spell it for me? D-E-E-Z... Zed, please. N-U-T... Zed? Deez Nuts? Um... Ed? Deez Nuts? Um.

I mean, there's the only one that is a, it's got a check mark next to it. Yeah. Is at Deez Nuts HC. Okay. So that's, what is hc i wonder there's some kind of rap or i don't know hockey club uh some kind of uh musical group um and then there's a decent at deez nuts guy okay at deez nuts is underscore at deez nuts lol uh at adore deez nuts underscore. At Deez Nuts LOL. At Adore Deez Nuts. At Leslie Deez Nuts.

And then just at Deez Nuts. Got a thousand followers. Not anybody. Yeah, okay. But good for him. Good for him. He got Deez Nuts. Well, like, he got in there early.

Check out at Deez Nuts. Yeah, like, he got in there early. Let's check out at Deez Nuts. Yeah. You know someone's important on Twitter when they've got just like at Graham. Yeah. Ooh, who's this guy? Yeah. He must know someone. Top guy.

But this Deez Nuts guy, just regular guy. Yeah. Just some guy. Joe Lunchpail, like you and me. Joe Lunch Nuts. Oh, boy. You're allergic to Deez Nuts, aren't you? I am. like you and me. Joe Lunch Nuts. Oh, boy. You're allergic to these nuts, aren't you? I am.

These endos. You'll never know the joy of these nuts. Anyway, here's your final phone call. Hi, this is Ryan from Lancaster, Pennsylvania. I haven't overheard. I was delivering pizza recently, and I went to a tech school and one of the students was talking to two security guards and the security guard said to the student, so then I went to this site called G-Porn and the student said, gee, is that government porn? And the security agent said,

oh, not government. All right, thanks, guys. Yeah. No, it's like gee golly. Like, gee. Yeah, it's real naive porn. Yeah, gee, porn. Yeah, like when Wally and the Beef

discovered their dad's porn stash. All the people in the videos are like really enthusiastic. I sure would like to have sex with you. Oh gosh! That's what he says when he finishes. Oh gosh! Please. Please Graham. Please nuts.

You took a vow with your classmate. Yeah that's true. To never have sex. Yeah. Oh gosh! Oh gosh! Oh, gosh. Oh, neat. Stop it. Neato. Boy, howdy.

Look what you made me do. Swell. Yeah. Boy, that sure was swell of you. Yeah. Ma'am. You're a swell gal, ma'am. Next time, smile.

Yeah. Catch moream. You're a swell gal. Next time, smile. Yeah. Catch more flies with garbage pants. Now, that's the end of this year episode. Anything our guest wants to promote?

Okay, that'll be fun. Oh, cool. Where can they find you on Twitter? At Deez Nuts. Follow at Deez Nuts on Twitter. Yeah yeah just follow at these nuts yeah tell them tell them dave and graham sent or follow at leslie these nuts that's just her name yeah i'm leslie these nuts and then like somebody's like how do you like these nuts and she's like

what i don't understand yeah i'm my dad's name is Harold Deez Nuts. Yeah, I come from a long line of Deez Nuts. Yeah. The Wisconsin Deez Nuts? Yeah. In the old country, we made nuts. We made nuts. Yeah, you plant a tree.

You make nuts. Yeah, you tend to the soil. Mm-hmm. You, oh man, last night I was walking home and somebody had left their sprinkler on at night. Mm-hmm. And, but it was up on a perch, so it totally soaked me. And then I was like, oh, like I wanted to go and Nicky Nicky Nine Door them because I was like, that's not appropriate to leave a sprinkler on all night. I guess not.

On a perch so that it soaks everything on the street? Yeah, that's weird. It's weird. I don't even, I can't remember the last time I saw a perch. Oh, yeah. Well, you don't go to as many bird sanctuaries as I do. Thanks for the sanctuaries. So this episode comes out of the first week of August, if I'm not mistaken.

That's right. So then I'll be in Edinburgh, of August, if I'm not mistaken. That's right. So then I'll be in Edinburgh in Scotland playing the bagpipes. Yeah. You just know the one song. They should do one of those air horn apps that just does bagpipe sounds, but as an air horn. Hmm.

Ha ha ha ha. Something like that. Look, I'm not, I'm not there yet, but I'll get there. Yeah, yeah. And you're, you're the guy that tells the guy. Mm-hmm. And then he does. Thank you. I'm the Ron Popeil.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why two, you're telling me two movies about Steve Jobs, zero about Ron Popeil. What? Pocket Fisherman. me two movies about steve jobs zero about rompo peel what pocket fisherman you know as many people own that as own an iphone don't check those facts is basically it was the first iphone yeah it had everything you needed apps fish tassels i don't know what the things are called. Lures.

What was a pocket fisherman? It was literally a fishing rod that was folded up. No, no. It was actually a fishing rod. You could catch a fish with it? Well, I mean, could you really dry fruit with the dehydrator? You could probably catch more fish with cider or whatever. Vinegar.

Yeah, or with some sort of fish poison. You just pour fish poison in the river. Well, you know what they say, you catch more fish with fish poison. You know what my two favorite bands are? Yeah. Fish and poison. Oh, but then if they played in somewhere like France, they'd be like, oh, this is

redundant. Fish moisson. Fun. Thank you. Thank you. Good night. If you like the show, head over to the maximumfun.org. Check out the blog recap of the episode.

Pictures and vids related to the content of this podcast. Deez nuts. I don't know. Certainly some Ron Popeil device. Oh, yeah. The Time Life Spooky series. Yeah. And then maybe a Canadian football.

Or peel me a grape. Yeah, yeah. Diana Krolls football or peel me a grape yeah yeah diana crawls peel me a grape punch me an ape uh if you like the show tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of stop podcasting yourself MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.