Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 387 - Christine Bortolin

Episode Date: August 17, 2015

Christine Bortolin returns to talk about buildings with names, sweat techniques, and cartoonish glue.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 387 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's not afraid to share his delicious rhubarb cordial, Mr. Dave Shumkin. Yeah, the drink we talked about six episodes ago is finally ready to drink. And it's delicious, Dave.

It's pink. Oh, it's a treat. We're all drinking it. We're all... It's a summer Dave. It's pink. Oh, it's a treat. We're all drinking it. We're all... It's a summer rhubarb vodka mixture. I work on it all year. Yeah. I really do.

I work on it. It takes two... It takes four weeks to make. So, and I make like four batches. So, it takes me most of the summer. I spend most of my summer just sitting by jars and waiting. And our guest today is a very funny comedian and actress and improviser? Yeah.

Miss Christine Borland is our guest. Hello. Hello. Hello. Thanks for coming back. Thanks for coming back. We just realized that it has been four years since you were here, and we thought maybe two? Mm-hmm.

I have no concept of time. No, me neither. I don't have that stuff. How long ago did we start this podcast? I don't know. Four years. No, I mean this one. This is the first one.

Could have been an hour ago. I have no idea. I feel like we talked about rhubarb cordial for way too long. I disagree. It's so good. What other... Do we want to get to know us? Oh yeah, let's get to know us. Get to know us. Are there other

fruits and vegetables you're willing to experiment with cordial-wise or is rhubarb the end of the road? I just found this one recipe online three years ago yeah and it looked so good in pink yeah that's true so maybe there are other ones i really ought to get back on the internet yeah i just i had internet for one day it was part of a jim car movie. Oh, that would be good. Eddie Murphy's also expressed interest.

One day of internet. What a low stakes movie. You get to live the next 10 years of your life based on one day of internet? I mean, it's pretty high stakes. I guess it is pretty high stakes, yeah. How little porn can you watch that day? Or do you load up? Yeah, because this is the next 10 years of your life.

You want to be a porn guy. Yeah, you got to create memories. So tell us. We were talking about you have this great voice where you could be like a person who says step to the right at an airport or something like that. Give us the instructions. I think we'd really get off on that. Feminate? No, that's not English. Feminate. Yes. First you must

Feminate. What language do you want? First instruction, Fermanate something. Oh, it's not going well so far. Maybe this is why you don't do it. I go in there and I just speak gibberish. I was trying, what was trying to come out of my mouth

was, you know when you go to Disneyland and you sit inside a ride and they go, Fermanate fin fin status per favor? Oh, yeah. That? Right. But then it just turned bad.

What? When do they do that? When you sit in the roller coaster. I went once as a kid. Is it just gibberish? No, I think it's Spanish. It's Spanish. I'm just pronouncing it very poorly.

I thought it was like a Harry Potter trance. Sit down there, muggles. Affirmative spin-spin-fador. Yeah, that's true. I'm saying it very wrong, I think. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Move to the right.

Are there any auditions for things like that? Yeah, there are, but I guess I just don't. I think it's a real clique with that sort of stuff. I've gone out for a couple that I thought I did really well in, but they weren't looking for me, I guess. Like university students, like, are you tired of being as poor as you are now? Yeah, I am. Get more debt now, but then slowly work it off with a slightly better paying job? Yeah.

Well, permanent right here. Now, you're an actress in commercials and things like that. Mm-hmm. What Dave was saying before the podcast, and I was like, save it, save it. I want to know all about this. You play a mom in an ad right now. Yeah, I think there's a couple on right now where I play mom. Really?

Yeah. You're a mom type? Oh, yeah. They gave me an 11 and a 13-year-old. What? In the last one. I'm 26. Oh, wow. So, yeah, that first kid. I'm 26 oh wow

so yeah that first kid so I was her age when I had her yeah is it an ad for like it was not a progressive ad Planned Parenthood wow

I find that's like quite often the case because you'll see people that you recognize in commercials that are playing like a young dad and of like a 13 year old. Yeah. Well, I know that guy. He's an actor. No actor has his life together. Like, I know he's not playing an actor, but I know this about him that he wouldn't have it that together by now.

Now, with an ad like that, because you were saying he's not playing an actor, but maybe he's coming up with an interior character where he's like, okay, I'm an actor. But I'm like

a different actor. Yeah, I'm a different actor. I accidentally got my girlfriend pregnant, but I'm a good guy. Yeah.

Stuck around. Yeah, I wear crew neck sweaters and button down shirts and I take my kids to soccer practice. The younger of the two was a boy and the entire shoot he kept trying to guess what age I was when I lost my virginity.

What? Wow. Which was one. Very offensive. Which was one? You lost your virginity at one? Yikes. I told them I wouldn't.

I was like, I'm not going to tell you. How old was this kid? You have no right. 11. 11. Too old to be asking that question. He was just, I don't know what. My mom told me when she lost it.

I was like, well. Is he too old to be asking that question? Like, or too young? Or just not intimate with you enough? That's another thing. Yeah. and he was I was playing his mom which was weird

and I couldn't kiss him off my real mom told me yeah exactly he's like I wore her down I was like well you're not

gonna wear me down no yeah I'm gonna learn from your real mom's mistakes yeah is that how it works

yeah um so you'll tell us, right? I told him I was five. And he lost it. And it was great. You didn't tell him that. I got real mad.

So I told him that. And then I told him I was 30. Is an 11-year-old, does his mother have to be on set? Yeah, she was there. And I was looking at her, and she was like, oh, please stop. Just stop. She was just exhausted by him. By my rambunctious, pugnacious kids.

All I do is audition. Oh, man, being a stage parent. Is that a good gig or a bad gig? She had another job, and she was doing her work from that job while she was on set. Sorry. She also has a dog that does commercials, so that was her other job. Like, I got to deal with all the dog's paperwork. Dog's very successful.

But his rider is huge. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He needs this many milk bones. What do you mean he needs a whole ball pit of fire hydrants? Skim milk bones. Yeah, absolutely. Because they're true. He's going to keep his weight in check. Fiji water bones.

What? I think my dog has started smoking to keep his weight down. Or her weight down. Both sexes of dog can act in commercials. And they all need to be slim. Yeah, that's true. Svelte. Yeah, when was the last time you saw a fat dog in a commercial

that wasn't about a dog being too fat? Or it being a bulldog. Bulldogs are allowed to be fat. Yeah, that's true. A pug. Yeah. I feel like, yeah, those dog ads

actually have a lot more body types. Dog ads are like dove ads. Yeah, don't let our unrealistic what would be there's no publication

modern dog, I guess. Yeah. Or those the ad where the dogs have to describe themselves to a sketch artist. And the dog doesn't know what it looks like. And doesn't speak English. Yeah. Well, I mean, I assume the sketch artist is also a dog.

Oh, I thought like Dog Psychic, maybe? Oh, yeah. Also a cartoonist. That would be a good job. Dog psychic? Dog psychic cartoonist? No, no, the cartoonist is too much. But dog psychic is good.

Right? It would be a real great racket. People want to know what their dogs are thinking. Oh, people would absolutely. Like you would be making so much money and you'd feel bad about every dollar because you're stealing from. Well, you're not stealing. You're just taking it from these poor rich people. Oh, yeah.

I don't think it's something that someone spends their last dollar on. I think it's generally a rich person would go to a dog set kick. Yeah, I guess. Like you mean like the working man just has to guess yeah what his dog or her or someone who's so rich they don't have to work that they they stay home all day with their dog wondering what it's thinking i've thought about putting out like a laptop and then have it on the camera thing all day while I'm out and then come home. But I'm, I'm too scared that on, on,

on like the video when I'm watching it later, my, my dogs will become aware and they'll like interact with the computer and they'll know, or they'll talk or something. That's what you're worried about. Imagine. And then I look behind me and they're right behind me.

Yeah. Well, they might be right behind you. Like I find out their secret. Um, what do you think? Yeah. What's their secret be right behind you. Like I find out their secret? What do you think their secret is? Yeah, what's their secret? I don't know. Do they have another owner?

They can talk? Do they have another? The owner comes over, feeds them, plays with them all day. Oh, time to go. So what you're imagining is you open up the photo booth app,

set it to record for nine hours. Be like, all right, see you guys later. See you when I'm out of memory. Do you have two dogs? I have two dogs. I have one five-year-old Scottish Terrier named Woody. Yeah. And then I inherited an elderly cock poo named Charlie.

Right. He just keeps on living. How old are we talking here? He's 15 right now. And he's been elderly forever? Yeah. Oh, wow. When do they get elderly?

That's old for a human, even, 15. Yeah, you know? Boy. You're like, whoa, I didn't know this was going to keep going. Yeah, that dog's too old to be asking you when you lost your virginity. He should be able to smell it.

Yeah, yeah, I can tell. Our dog's 11. Whoa. And it's great. It's like, because he was a puppy for the first nine years. Yeah. So it's like he's cool. He sleeps a lot.

He's very relaxed. Do you think he's like in his old man years or is he a teenager? Because teenagers also sleep a lot. He's very relaxed. Do you think he's in his old man years, or is he a teenager? Because teenagers also sleep a lot. Oh, I hope. And they strive to be very cool. I hope he's a teenager, because then he would foreseeably live to 60. Oh, that would be the best. Oh, a dog that lived to 60?

I know. If you had one dog for the rest of your life. Why do you think scientists are working so hard on making humans live longer because we don't need that because we've got that we've got humans everywhere but dogs they don't live long enough you know what i'm saying science scientists should figure out ways for humans to live shorter oh that that also would take care of the dog conundrum. Like, as if humans live shorter, and then it

seems like dogs are living longer. These are all great. Oh, wait, we figured out tons of ways to make humans live shorter. Why don't scientists have a suggestion box outside of their lab? Oh, that would be the best. Just to see what crazy suggestions people have.

That would be amazing. Yeah. Everyone has an idea about what science is. Sharper knives. It's possible. Chick-fil-A nuggets from the sky. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, man.

What if you could just spitball with the, like, the best scientists in the world? The Albert Einstein or whatever. What would you get them working on? How about, here's a thing. I think you could sell it pretty easily. Like, headphones that are wireless that are cheap. It's not really going to help anyone. This is your one shot.

Headphones that are wireless that are cheap. Okay, wait, wait. No, too late. Alzheimer's. Second place. Alzheimer's. If you have any time left after solving this, I just been paying too much for my wireless headphones.

I can't afford them. I spent all my money on a dog psychic. Spent all my money on a dog psychic. Spend all my money on a dog psychic. Somebody better on the nag. Wow. Dave, what would you... You got one... Oh, you only get one shot.

Yeah. One opportunity. Oh, boy. Okay, I would probably find a cure for making my palms sweaty, knees weak. Arms heavy. Mom's spaghetti. I would probably find a cure for making my palms sweaty, knees weak, arms heavy, palms spaghetti, vomit on my sweater already. What science would I do? Oh, boy. Like, I don't know. Like, I'm really, i guess i honestly it's global warming i'm i'm yeah the

world's gonna end very soon that's why i'm like just let's just get better headphones for it we're screwed anyway you're right yeah yeah global warming is a good one you know this is the last episode we're going to record. Well, I think we'll do a couple more in the middle of the summer. Yeah, yeah. But Graham's about to go away. Yeah. And so it's June.

Going away to camp. It's June when this is recorded. I believe it's coming out August 17th or something. Wow. So, like, by the time this episode is out, the continent has burnt to the ground. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Everything is crispy. I remember last year there were stories about airplanes melting to the runway. That shouldn't be happening.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's really becoming like, you know who could make a really good movie about how hot it is right now? Spike Lee. Oh, man. That guy could really make a good It's Too Hot movie. Yeah. He's so good with heat.

Yeah. Yeah. Who also Michael Mann. Yeah, yeah. The director of Heat. And the guy who made all those disaster movies. Oh, Michael Bay? No.

Who made like The Day After Tomorrow? He has like a European name. Let me look it up. Farfenhaven. Yeah, it was Farfenhaven. Not Milos Forman. No. That's the guy,

Man on the Moon, I think. When you're not acting and taking care of two... Roland Emmerich. There it is. Emmerich. What are you up to? Strong name. when you're not acting and taking care of two well Roland Emmerich there it is Emmerich

what are you up to strong name what's keeping you busy he's from Stuttgart oh there we go I I just actually

I'm editing a web series that Bita and I Bita Judaki former guest Bita Judaki

absolutely and I do comedy together. And we made a web series. And now we're editing it. And when this is out, it'll be out. What's the web series? What is it about?

Oh, no. I didn't think of a good way to describe it. It's about two dummies. Two dumb women. Okay. But they're not, I don't know. They're just making it work, you know? Two dumb ladies trying to make it work.

In a world where there's weird people sometimes. Elevator pitch. Yeah. We're getting on, we're on the 40th floor. You have 30 seconds before we get off in the lobby. Okay. Yeah. All right.

Are you talking now? Yeah, no. I've got this web series where it's about these two women in their mid-20s, and they're their roommates, and they are just kind of like stupid but earnest, and they're trying to make their lives better than they are, but it's hard because they know nothing. What do you think I do here in the building? I think you should say stupid like Ernest

because people get it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Then people are like, yep. That's great. I'm going to carve that into my arm right now. Does this web series have a title? It's called Golden Future.

Love it. The name of the apartment building that they live in. Oh, cool. Oh, I love it when an apartment building has like a crazy great name. Yeah. What's your favorite? There's like, there's a couple, what's the one that's on, it's like on 16th near Granville and it's like El Tapioca or something like that.

Like it's got a crazy, grandiose name, and then it's just a four-story apartment building. I think there's one on Cornwall called Kenyon Court. I used to live in one in Victoria called The Camelot. Oh, The Camelot. That's nice. There's one near Main Street called Canada House. Oh, yeah, yeah. There's one I walk Street called Canada House. Oh, yeah, yeah. I thought it was, like, pretty cool.

There's one I walk past most days called the Algonquin. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that one's so nice. Mm-hmm. I don't know how nice it is. It's got nice tiles out front. Yeah. Yeah, like.

It's the same building inside for all of these places. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Kind of moldy. Yeah, carpet from 1962. Yeah. kind of moldy you know carpet from 1962 yeah

but it's like you when you move into a building nobody knows the name of these like you can't say I live at the

and everybody goes oh I know where that is you can't write on an envelope Dave Shumka care of the Algonquin Vancouver Canada house although that would be cool

well I guess the Shangri-La everybody knows where that is yeah oh yeah yeah if you were like I I guess the Shangri-La Everybody knows where that is Yeah Ooh yeah Yeah If you were like I live at the Shangri-La

We would all say ooh Ooh When we were in grade three We were One day The teacher Had us all write letters To Ben Johnson

The disgraced Canadian Canadian 100 meter doper Yeah And she didn't have his address she just sent him to Ben Johnson care of Toronto, Ontario there's some guy just Ben Johnson which is probably a very

common name just getting all these letters have you lived in a building with a funky name? no never I used to live above Wangon Blinds, and I guess that was the only name on it. Yeah, the Wangon building. Yeah, Wangon.

Where's that on Broadway? Or Main and 8th? 8th and Main. And I work at the Fox Cabaret, which is like two doors down from that. So I just stare up at it sometimes. Just wonder who's in there now. Yeah. Where they put their stuff.

Where they put their, what they put their wang on. Is it blinds? That sign always made me laugh. Do you think it was something like that where it's, somebody's just named that because their last name probably is wang. I know, but it wouldn't, it doesn't make sense. Wang. It's like. Like he's an expert on blinds.

Clark on blinds. Clark on blinds? Yeah. That's like your minute segment on the talk radio show? Yeah, that is more like an advice column about window dressings. Or people that have trouble seeing. Yeah. I handle questions about both. The blinds.

Is that what you call them as a group? Anyways. But I think at some point somebody tells them, like, hey, your name's hilarious. And they go, oh, yeah, but I already got the sign. It's registered. I got the sign and I already got, you know, I got payments on that sign. Yeah. The margins are very thin in the blind industry.

Once we got evacuated because downstairs in Wangan, they let off a box of fireworks that were just, I guess, being moved through there. And everyone had to get evacuated. They let them off indoors? Yeah, I guess. I guess it probably doesn't say. It accidentally happened. Was it the day the 12-year-old was managing the company? No, what happened was.

The coolest day ever. Yeah. They were in a dark closet. The guy lit a match to see what was inside. And cartoon style. It was a giant box of fireworks. You could tell it was dark because you could only see his eyeballs. Oh, man.

I love, when those things happen, I always just like picture the conversation between the owner or the manager and whatever employee did that thing the next day. Like, oh, well, you never said not to. Like, and they were just sitting there, you know? So I just thought I'd put out one, and then they all led each other. Did you get fired for that, do you think? No, I mean, it got people talking. It's funny.

Today, Apple released its Apple Music. Right. This is a streaming service? Yeah, and it was supposed to, there's an app for it, but it was supposed to come out also with the new iTunes, but the iTunes just didn't come out. Oh. And so people were like, someone's getting fired.

But does someone? Or does like, who gets fired? And. I don't know. How do they pick up the pieces? Like when people say that, is someone, does someone always get fired? I wonder. I mean, I think we all hope so.

Yeah. But maybe not. But what if they had a really rough night, and then they woke up late, and they were supposed to press the button that was like, release iTunes. They didn't do it. They're so stressed out. They've got six kids, three wives, three husbands, three partners.'ve got like six kids. Three wives. Three husbands. Three partners. Three partners, six kids.

That's pretty good parent-to-kid ratio. Hey, could you take care of two kids today? Each? I gotta go press. I gotta go button I need to press. This is release iTunes. That's all it takes. That's all the development they do. Like we're gonna need a new button in a few months. There's a button I need to press. It says release iTunes. That's all it takes. That's all the development they do.

Like, we're going to need a new button in a few months. There's some janitor who walks by the button every night like, oh, man. I could release iTunes anytime. These guys wouldn't know. Could light off some firecrackers. iTunes would be released to oblivion. To kingdom come. So dope, man. Wang on, man. Oh, wow. I do that would be released to oblivion to kingdom come so dope man weighing on man

oh wow have you lived in anywhere that had a crazy name no I lived in an L something but I can't remember what it was it wasn't fancy though and then I've just lived in dumps ever since just with addresses

a lot of times I don't even think I need to give the address I'd be like dumps ever since. Just with addresses. A lot of times I don't even think I need to give the address. I'd be like, here's the street. It's the dumpy one. Yeah, look for the shitty one on the street

and you've found it. I wonder, I wonder on my street if I gave that instruction to somebody who'd never, if they would be able to find it. Just to a cab. Yeah.

And then it becomes really what they think is a shitty house. And they see a lot of houses. I mean, more so than most, right? Different areas of the city, different times of day. You should write a letter and just address it to the shittiest house

on your street. And then on the inside, the letter just says, you're the shittiest guy on the street. Or girl. But just see if the mailman figures it out. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like the mail. Well, but there's another place a few doors down that has like a canopy over the windows and they're all dented.

So that really makes sense. Ooh, al dente. So you should write arguably the shittiest place but it's seriously like if take my word for it yeah just go with your instincts yeah yeah i like this as a challenge i think that's fun i think the post office would like that yeah yeah what about a reality? Just find the shittiest house in your city. Oh, I think.

And then like pimp my ride it? No, no, you just find it and then we all laugh. I think that would get sad. Oh,

you're probably right. No, you're only allowed to go in a really nice neighborhood and find the shittiest house in that nice neighborhood. Ooh. Is that more of a thing

that people can get on board with? Yeah i do see a lot like uh uh on the west side there are a lot of like post-war bungalows that that are like you know fifty thousand dollar houses on four million dollar lot do you think that they've been there since yeah oh really yeah oh wow that's crazy that's like the crazy thing uh my grandfather told me once like when you came back from world war ii the government offered you a house or a free college education that was you had to pick one or the other and uh but the houses were all these tiny little houses and I don't think you owned the lot I think you just

got the house and the lot was like owned by the government or something anyways he was like college education

oh really yeah and he became an accountant well I guess that was a time when a college education could

have bought you a house exactly oh the tables have turned where's our war our war is against iTunes

oh right oh boy we're gonna un-push that button so what what else is keeping you busy I mean

you're you've got a web series you're you're working in commercials you're a mom of several MOWs and film and TV. A little bit of film and TV, too.

What's a M.O.W.? Movie of the Week. Ah, Movie of the Week. Okay. Unauthorized, Saved by the Bell. Were you in that? Yeah. Get out! Only for a couple scenes. Okay. Who were you? I was a casting director. Right. Okay. Yeah. I guess I remember seeing you. Do you remember the movie?

I saw it. We had Ken Tremblay on who played Dennis Haskins who played Mr. Belding. Oh, he's so nice. He's a guy who's in a Volkswagen commercial right now with a 16-year-old son who's doing a driver's test. I'm like, you don't have a 16-year-old son. Yeah, like, well, you don't need to. You just got to act like one. Yeah, he pulls it off. uh yeah like well you don't need to you just gotta act like one right yeah he

he pulls it off cause like Steve Martin never had kids but you believe that he has a dozen yeah I believe he's got

a dozen kids I believe he could bring down the house I believe him is a lot of things an amigo a big panther uh

what else a jerk a plane a train yep it's played both in that movie as far as movies

of the week go like Unauthorized Saved by the Bell is as good as it gets right yeah everyone was really nice

because everything else that is like that they shoot here is like a Christmas movie that they shoot in May yeah it's like

heavy on the Christ. But also don't don't any of the like murder a murder in a in a small town. Is that is that movie the big stuff?

of those right now? Yeah. Totally. That'd be a fun thing to I don't know. Yeah. It really would. Yeah.

To be like the sister of the person who suspects that the new man in her life is crazy, but she's like, you're crazy. And then you just get to scream. Yeah. That'd be fun. Maybe you meet Dean Cain. Maybe you don't.

Oh, wow. Ooh, la la. Dean Cain. Speaking of losing virginities, he was Brooke Shields'. What? Yeah. No way. Yeah. Famous virgin Brooke Shields. What? Yeah. No way. Yeah.

Famous virgin Brooke Shields. Wow. At Princeton. We know that. How do you know that? My brother went to Princeton. It's all over there. It's in the weekly.

The brochures. The tiger. The brochures. I'm sure Princeton has to. I thought about attending Princeton. All right. We're running low on photocopies, so can you share with your buddy? Movies of the week sound fun.

I don't know where you watch them, though. Like Lifetime? Yeah, but I don't have Lifetime. Or Hallmark. Yeah. Who were we talking about hallmark movies with uh i don't remember but they thought oh this is kayla kayla was that on air or no it was off air and it was me who thought that the movies were about hallmark

it's like oh you play characters like the cards are over here because like when you said a hallmark movie I didn't know there was a Hallmark channel. So I was like, oh, okay. Yeah. The thrilling moment is when they turn it over and they see it's a Hallmark. Oh, it's a joke. And then credits. Well, in the Emmys every year, growing up, I would watch and I would be so bored because I had never seen Saint Elsewhere.

I'd never seen, like, Jake and the Fat Man or whatever was winning Emmys. I had only seen the comedy shows. But the miniseries as well, they were all like produced by Hallmark Hall of Fame. And it was before they had like big time miniseries with like Hollywood stars. Right. So it would be like a soap opera yeah it would basically be a one hour soap opera or no i guess like a four-part soap opera joe montana stars show montana the football player because those guys have to get in somewhere uh-huh

um what do you mean guys who aren't actors uh-huh want to be actors, they don't get to just start at the top of the chain. They got to work their way up. But he never was an actor. He was on SNL one time. That's true. And there was also that time when Joe Mantegna was on SNL and there was a kid in the front wearing a Joe Montana jersey who left at the beginning. That was pretty funny. Was that true?

Yeah, that was a real thing. Oh, wow. I mean, it was scripted, but it's a good sketch. That's great. Oh, man. Didn't Will Ferrell and Kirsten Wiig make a real Lifetime movie?

Yes. But it wasn't funny. I haven't seen it. No, no. It was like they played it straight, apparently. I haven't recorded it. I haven't seen it. No, no. It was like they played it straight, apparently. I haven't recorded it. I haven't watched it yet. There's something like, man, that's got to be fun.

By the time this episode came out, I've totally watched it. But that's got to be really fun to be somebody who can be like, hey, let's do this just for silliness. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Let's go have a silly time together. That's so cool. And then have it on tv and people

will watch it and it's on one of those networks too isn't it yeah isn't it like on lifetime yeah something that's amazing yeah and they took like a uh uh just a regular story that apparently they it's like totally like the laughs come out of just like the awkwardness or if there are laughs, I don't know. Right. Like it's not, there's no jokes in it or anything. Very interesting. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a, I don't know.

Because he also did a movie where he, it was all in Spanish. Yeah. And like, I watched it and it's not, it's not funny, but it's funny that he did that. Right. Like, it's mostly like. Performance art more? I don't know. Like, something that people will talk about.

Like, oh, remember that crazy thing? Yeah, that's weird that he did that. Well, he always, he did the baseball thing. Oh, man. Were you there? Did you go? I was there. We had tickets, and it was the next day, and then my grandpa got sick, and I had to come back.

Ah, nice. It's good because he died a couple days later. Yeah, I go to spring training. I just missed that. I was really sad. It's good because he died a couple days later. Anyways. Anyways, I really got to get some of these wireless headphones.

That's what I want. So I can drown out my feelings in bed on my side. It won't hurt. Oh, is that the problem with the headphones? You can't lie on your side? Yeah, I can't wear them to bed. Headphones or earbuds? Earbuds.

Oh, no. Yeah, because headphones can't lie on your side. No, earbuds. I want them in the ear. Yeah. Completely wireless or do you want them touching each other? Oh, completely wireless.

Like, so just, they're just like basically earplugs. Yeah. But they. Yeah. Oh, man. If they can do that

with like hearing aid technology, they got to be able to do that. Why don't they have it yet? That's something that they should have. They have them, but they're just not cheap. And I heard

they're not great either. Hmm. What, hearing aids? Bad reviews. Well, because you're just not cheap. And I heard they're not great either. Hmm. What, hearing aids? Bad reviews. Well, because you need to power them. Like they need to have little tiny batteries in them too. Oh, yeah. That's a good point.

Or maybe you could charge them somehow. Like by exercising? Put them on a surface. Yes. Solar power. Yeah. Not a lot of sun gets in the air holes. Oh, yeah.

Put them on a surface that powers them. I remember there was like a thing. Yeah, I got my dad one of those. Does it work? Yeah, he uses it a lot. Like where you can just put a bunch of things on it and then charge it. It's like a tray. Yeah.

Cool. A tiny, it's like not like the size of a table or anything. No. It's like. Charging my fridge. Wireless fridge. Can you cut any room in the house? It's very heavy though.

It's like half the size of a cutting board. Okay, sure. Oh yeah, I like it. That's great. That's totally the perfect dad gift. My boyfriend was the one that figured it out. I never know what to get my dad. Dad's like anything that marries the style of hammocker with the technology of Schlemmer.

But they also just love gadgets. Gadgets, yeah. Gadgets are fun. But, yeah, no's it's gadgets that maybe are never used gadgets that have no brand name yeah yeah oh that's huge like an asus yeah if it's an apple thing then that you're gonna have to teach them it but if it's like just a weird new kind of remote that they'll forget they own. Kayla Lorette has a Lenovo laptop.

She's had it for a really long time now. And my dad would always talk about Lenovo when we were growing up. So every time I see it, it just looks like a dad computer that she's got. My dad would always talk about Lenovo growing up. My dad loved. My dad once like shook me awake in the middle of the night. He was like, you've you gotta get downstairs right now. And I went downstairs

and he's like, I got this cash register. Like, check this out. What did he do? He just like, like played around at the buttons.

But like, what was his vocation? Oh, at that time he had just got a Fresh Life franchise. Pizza? Yeah,

but then he went blind in one eye so he had to sell it. Okay. Okay, but he got a cash register and. Pizza? Yeah, but then he went blind in one eye, so he had to sell it. Okay, but he got a cash register and he was like I mean, rightfully so. He's stoked. He was so stoked, but he treated it like it was an emergency. I had school.

I was in high school. This is your new sister. The cash register needs you a bit. Do you remember ever Have you ever been woken up by anything like electronic not electronic but just like I can remember two times in my life when

I was woken up unexpectedly and one of them was when I was a kid and all the parents on the hockey team knew but the kids didn't know that we were all going for a pancake breakfast. Cool. And so we woke up

at like seven on a Saturday morning. Dave, wake up. And your whole hockey team is in your bedroom. Oh, wow. That's like something out of a sitcom.

That's lovely. And then the other one was like three days before my wedding on Gabriel Island where Abby woke me up and was like, Dave, want to hear something freaky?

There's been a murder. Oh, yeah, that's right. And the murder was on the loose. What? Yeah. Yeah. There was one night when there was a murder or a loose on the island where we were getting married. That's so romantic.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. What would the Hallmark movie be called? Murder on an Island. Murder on Love Island. Yeah, Murder on Love Island. Yeah, Murder on Love Island. Murder on Love Island. That's perfect.

That's it. Yeah, one time my parents, they came home from a party and they had forgot their keys. And we didn't have one hidden anywhere. And so they were ringing the doorbell, but I didn't hear it. So my dad climbed up to the second story and was like banging on the window and i woke up and i was like oh no i'm gonna die like i had no idea what was going on i was like oh somebody's knocking on the second floor window well i'll just pretend to be asleep for a long time like oh you can't kill what's already dead. Like, I walked over to the blinds, like, so, like, okay.

How old were you? You know, I think I was, like, maybe 12. So, you know, imagination going crazy. I remember you have younger brothers. Yeah. So he couldn't have knocked on their windows, would have scared them senseless. And I remember, like, yeah, like, walking towards the window and being like, oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man.

Oh, hey dad. Yeah. Oh God. I thought you were a vampire murderer. I can't fall asleep now. Can I stay up and watch TV? Also, can I eat some ice cream and not brush my teeth? Cause I already did before.

I swear I did. Just don't check to see if the toothbrush is wet. Oh, man. Real trip down memory lane. Dave, what's going on with you, man? Here's what's going on with me We just got back from Edmonton Thanks to everyone who came to see us in Edmonton

That was a real treat, that live show Yeah Yeah It was fun Nice to meet some of you afterwards Yeah I mean, nice to meet anyone we met afterwards Not that some of you were nicer to me than others

Everyone was very nice to meet And we danced in the crowd like Ellen. Yep. I feel like that won't translate in the podcast. No, that's fine. But everybody gets to listen to a little bit of Katy Perry. Remember that summer that that song was popular? Oh, yeah.

Song of the Summer. Yeah. What song? California Girls. Oh, okay. Do you think Uptown Funk is the song of this summer? No, no, no. Uptown Funk is over.

What is the song of this summer? Well, by, no. Uptown Funk is over. Yeah. What is the song of this summer? Well, by the time this episode is out, it is decided. But it might be that one about Paul Walker. About the late Paul Walker. Isn't that a sad jam though? Yeah. Oh, it has to be a fun, like, what am I playing? I know.

Catch to catch. When, like, they always put out a list of, like, the 60 last summers of the songs of the summer since 1950. But I don't feel like this was ever a thing until, like, 2008. Yeah, and also

the songs of the summer in the 50s, like, from 1950 through 1965 were probably all something about surfing. Or twisting. Yeah. Like they were one uniform topic. That's what America did in the summer.

They went surfing all summer. Yeah. Then they were true to their school. These are all Beach Boys songs. Anyways, we were at Improv again. Yeah. So that was great. What a great festival.

Have you been? Actually, I've never been. But you know it's great by reputation. Oh, yeah. And just all the stories I hear are so fantastic. I don't know why I've never gone. Yeah, you should go if you have the opportunity. Yeah.

Absolutely. Because they have shows, and then every night they have like an activity. Yeah, I know. And they give you beer all the time. Yeah, yeah. Whatever you want. Yeah, that was true. Like I was there one night.

Yeah. And when I, my welcome package was like a bag full of, you know, a t-shirt and promotional things and pens. Mostly pens with Edmonton on them. And then a six pack of beer. You know, like the hotel guy gave to me. The coolest thing out of that, I think, out of that swag bag was the fold up glasses. I can't find mine. What are they?

They're sunglasses that fold up into a tiny little pouch. Whoa. Yeah, exactly. Fun. Transformer sunglasses. That's so cool. So you Yeah, exactly. Fun. Transformer sunglasses? That's so cool. So you got to go. I got to go.

It's because I'm always like, Bita, we should submit. And then Bita's like, I never want to perform again. Yeah. She changes her mind. I'm not in favor of being in front of people. Which I fully respect, Bita.

I do respect that. I know she's going to hate me for that. The current number one song is See You Again by Wiz Khalifa. Okay. Featuring Charlie Puth. How is that the number one song? How is that guy on the chart? Puth.

Followed by Bad Blood, which might be number one by the time it's... Oh, yeah. But I don't think that's the... I think the songs from that album have gotten worse as the singles have come out. Well, that bad blood,

it's like she let her young niece write it. Do you know what that song's about? Katy Perry? Katy Perry stole a dancer. What? I thought it was about John Mayer, about who gets to have that bag of trash. He does seem like such a bag of garbage.

I feel like we talked about this last week or the week before. But you know what? This is a topic that needs attention. That's what I would ask a scientist about,

by the way. How do we get rid of John Mayer? Yeah, why is he still famous? He hasn't put on anything in 10 years. The number three song is Trap Queen

by Fetty Wap. Yeah, I think that's going to be the, I think, I don't know how that goes. Does it go like this? Is this going to play? Or Natalie Rose. I don't know.

I saw that name today on like a streaming thing and I was like, man, that's a wacky, that's a wacky name. Fetty Wap? Fetty Wap. Wang on Blinds?

Yeah, that's the Wang on Blinds of the music world. All, yeah, gotta all capitalize that name. Yeah. It deserves it. Uptown Funk is currently number six. But I'm surprised it's still up there.

Me too. But everybody, that's a jam. They put it on, say, at a wedding. You're right. Everybody's getting up and dancing. I didn't hear it. The first few times I heard it i was like this is this will be here and gone in 10 seconds yeah like this is if this when it was number one on

the chart i was like there's a lot of there's payola that's what i thought about lou bega boy was i wrong oh yeah he's here to stay um so so uh yeah we went to Edmonton. Edmonton is, as I remember it, everyone still smokes. Yeah. Whether they are pregnant or not. Yeah, we did. We saw a pregnant lady smoker. Yeah. I know.

2015. Hello. How are you? Um, and, uh, in our hotel, did you notice who was sharing our hotel with us? Oh, uh, bodybuilders. There were bodybuilders. Whoa. And in our hotel, did you notice who was sharing our hotel with us? Oh, bodybuilders. There were bodybuilders. Whoa. There was some kind of bodybuilding convention.

A bunch of comedians and bodybuilders. And the Japanese and the Australian women's soccer team from the World Cup. Oh, cool. And it was like, I guess they each had their own floor. Yeah. it was like uh they i guess they each had their own floor yeah because once i was on the elevator and two australian soccer players got on the elevator with me and uh like the wall by the elevators was like wallpapered with uh like news clippings and internet printouts and just like stuff to get them pumped like the entire wall of the entire floor of the hotel.

Wow. Are you sure they weren't trying to solve a serial murder? Oh, yeah. No, they also had, there were strings. Yeah, red yarn everywhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were also, they had beautiful minds. That's crazy.

But I guess you need to do that at that level. Anything, anything. I guess so. But there's no like security. I could have. I guess so. But there's no security. I could have gotten off of there. It's not like... The bodybuilders were the security. I guess so.

I feel like in the Men's World Cup, they would just rent the entire hotel for the team. Yeah. Not just a floor. What if they rent the whole hotel except for one room and that person has no idea? Yeah, they're in town for a conference. That would be great.

I was on the elevator with one of the bodybuilder guys. And did you guys compare? No, I think if we both had, it would be like a comic where we both have the same thought bubble. Like it goes up to the same thought bubble and we're both thinking, gross. You know what I mean? Yeah You guys are like a yin and a yang

Yeah, so Edmonton was fun I'm now back in Vancouver These are my notes It is so hot It's the hottest Ugh, yeah Already Yeah, already

I know, it's not even July Yeah but by By now when this comes out It's August And you have sweat Through one sweaty month Yeah North America

Um And my uh Uh I walk to work And when I get to work I am soaked with sweat Yeah It's air conditioned at work

Which is great Do you bring a second shirt? What no My thing is I uh i i've gone uh southern lawyer southern sheriff and i bring a rag i've been doing the rag a dab rag that's pretty cool though it's pretty cool like matlock i bet he would do that yeah it's true or or louis armstrong that's the thing he did all the time. He always pat down his forehead. Yeah, I'm big on the...

I actually, yesterday I brought two in case I wanted to soak one in like ice water and put it on the back of my neck. Yeah. But that was not necessary. I, last night I was hosting the Laugh Gallery and one of the bar staff was like, do you want to, like a bar towel? Because I was sweating before the show started. And that, man, that bar towel made all the difference in the world. Because in between acts, just like,

wiping myself down, dry as a bone. And then go out there and just get all sweaty again. The thing is, if you're a performer, you have to be so good to excuse the constant dabbing. Yeah. Otherwise it just looks like, oh, this guy's got a condition. But if you...

But like Louis Armstrong, you're like, oh, okay, he's... Good for him. But if you dab, if you don't dab, then the salt water gets in your eyes. And then all of a sudden, you're like, I'm going blind. And it's your own sweat, but your eyes don't notice. Your eyes don't seem to care. Yeah, and your tears are already salty. Why does my eye have such a problem with my own sweat?

Yeah, it's like two different kinds of your own salt water fighting. For dominance. How sweaty does your beard get? Well, that's fine because it all catches. Right. Right? So it just gets, by the end of a show, he'll weigh 10 pounds extra. But it's because I got a gigantic fucking forehead, right?

Me too. There's like a long travel of every bead of sweat makes a long journey down. My problem is I have, I don't know if the lights here show it, but in certain lights, the top part of my forehead casts a shadow over the bottom part of my oh yeah and it's like hey wharf hey wharf you're an all-star oh wow this is why i can't perform live anymore no because you don't want anyone to see my monstrous monstrous i look like mask. The wharfs of comedy. So, yeah, dabbing myself a lot. And the other thing was today I saw, I'm not sure this is allowed, a white lady, like in her 60s.

I could tell she was that age because she was using a cell phone where she would talk into it, like holding it up, like looking at it while she talked, and then while she listened, she put it up to her ear, and then pulled it away, and then put it back. I don't know if a white lady of this age is allowed to wear, like,

an Asian, like, rice picker hat. No, you're, come on. No. Is that something any white person's allowed to wear? Well, because if she was 60, that means she was born when? In 1950-something? No, later than that, because it's 2015, so it's 2010. That means that she would have been born in 1960.

So that's, right? No, no, she's 60, 1955, which was the year that Marty McFly traveled back to. Yes. And you never saw him wearing a Rice Bigger hat. That's true. Blending in. No, I don't think that's That's not a universal

You can maybe bring one back from a trip But you can never wear it Yeah It's like a sombrero Like you can't I don't see people just walking around wearing sombreros Right? No

That's not white people can't pull off a sombrero And if you do, you should be punished to the furthest If you pull off somebody's sombrero Yes Oh my god Yeah He was napping Under that and if you do you should be punished to the furthest if you pull off somebody's sombrero yes oh my god yeah he was napping under that

what are the other like cause I was like a month ago or so I went to an Indian wedding and there were a lot of men there wearing turbans

and I love the way a turban looks yeah like it's to me it's the best head garment that a man can have. Mm-hmm. It's like the Gillette of... Yeah, it's the Gillette of heads.

Especially if you have long hair. Yeah. And so I just... But, you know, if you're a white person and you're wearing a turban, thumbs down. Yeah, yeah. Unless you're a conjurer or a magician from 1955. Yeah, sure sure 1935

yeah I guess so but you know you know the old timey magicians used to wear them maybe have a jewel in the middle of it yes there we go

now we're talking maybe 1895 yeah also that year elephants wearing turbans is that a possible thing oh sure maybe at like a World's Fair.

Oh, yeah. Now we're talking. Now we're talking when racism was a white hot. But yeah, no, I think, I think, what are you, I don't know what you call it. I call it a Raiden hat. Yeah. Because it's from Mortal Kombat. I feel bad calling it a rice picker hat.

Although that's, I don't know what it's called. A rice picking hat? There you go. Speaking of Mortal Kombat, our baby, Margo, this wasn't something I was going to talk about, but it just occurred to me. She's been doing this thing now where...

Because I'm in charge of her in the morning. Because she wakes up when I wake up, like in the six o'clock hour. But she's doing this new thing where she half wakes up and she'll sit up and she'll have one eye closed. And her head will be like lolling around. And she's not quite awake awake but she's sitting up and it it reminds me of the part in Mortal Kombat where someone

is just like about to get killed oh yeah where they yeah and the guy says finish him yeah

yeah so that's her new move that's pretty good yeah um what's going on with you oh uh oh speaking of hats

we were we were talking about hats when we were in Edmonton, I noticed that the police here in Vancouver don't wear hats. They're no hats. It sounds like just hatless. Yeah, yeah. But it's been a long time since I've been in a city where just like beat cops are wearing hats. In Edmonton, they wear hats. Cowboy hats?

Yeah. Yep. They're all sheriffs. They wear those cool jester snowboarder hats. Ohboy hats? Yeah, yep. They're all sheriffs. They wear those cool jester snowboarder hats. Oh, cool. And they wear rave pants. No, like

old, like round. They're like round on top. Yeah. And they're like a cap. Like L. Ron Hubbard. Oh, like a policeman's hat. Like a policeman's hat. Of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoa. Yeah. So yeah so there was i saw two cops and it reminded me of remembering kids in the hall there was those two cops it looked just like that two cops on the street i never it never occurred to me that the police here don't wear them i only noticed because in calgary they wore

hats and then when i moved here i was like what how do you even know who a cop i just assumed they left them in the car. No, I don't think there's any. Maybe like for formal, you know, occasions. The policeman's ball. Yeah, they have a full uniform and gloves that go in the thing on the shoulder. The epaulette. Yeah, yeah.

But, oh, my thing. This is dumb. That's not your whole thing? No, no. This is. So I was packing today, right? i am packing yeah i'm packing wait you don't have a policeman's hat how do i know that you're are you a cop um they put tinfoil over it to fool people you're packing for your summer of for my summer of uh touring yeah and I got to put up posters, right? Tell me what you pack.

Well, on this trip. It's one duffel bag, I'm assuming. It's one carry-on bag. I got a phone book in it. Hand bills. And no one going through security has ever asked you why you were carrying a phone book. Not once. I know.

I got some paints. I got clothes, both summery and not. Paints for beard painting? You bet. And then I was looking for my little staple gun for putting up posters. Can you carry that on? This is check. No, no, this is check.

Oh, okay. Paid the whatever obscene amount of money to check a bank. There's nothing worse than paying for a thing that used to be free. Yeah. Like sex. So I was looking, I haven't used it since last summer, so I was looking through boxes. I haven't used it since last summer, so I was looking through boxes. And my place has had, in the past, some mice problems.

And so I was... This isn't gross. It's not gross. But it is hilarious. Do the mice learn how to use a stapler? So I was like, oh, I got to reach to this box in the back. And I had a flashlight, and I looked away, and I put put my hand down and I put my hand in a glue trap. And I, man, woof, that is hard to get off. Like I spent the half hour before coming over for the podcast getting this fucking thing off my head.

Is the trap hard to get off or is the glue? Well, first the trap, like I pulled out the whole trap off my head. Is the trap hard to get off or is the glue? Well, first, the trap. Like, I pulled out the whole trap on my hand. So I was like, great, Inspector Clouseau.

Zipburger. And then, and then, so I pulled it off but it was really cartoony. The glue, it's like, brrrr.

Oh, it's like that cheese you want in your nachos. Yeah. So stretchy. So I pulled, and then I pulled it off but like, there was this crazy glue pattern on my hand. And then, of course, the first thing I did was I grabbed my flashlight, so now it's got glue on it.

Oh, you are a real cartoon man. So I spent all this time just like scrubbing away. And I didn't buy these glue traps. I don't think I believe in them. Well, you believe they do a great job. They caught me. They're cruel, but they do a good job. Yeah, they caught me red-handed.

So that was my hilarious thing that happened before it came over. You know what I like is... I feel afraid I mix it up. In Christmas Vacation vacation after he gets all that sap on him and he's flipping through a magazine and they're all

sticking to his hands yeah and then doesn't he put his hand through his wife's hair and it's like maybe yeah oh that's a movie

that's coming out this summer well why are they messing with it it's not perfect it was perfect for those two movies. Original Vacation.

European Christmas. Oh, European's very bad. I don't know. It's hard to watch. Oh, they're coming out with a new Vacation? Yeah. But it's Ed Helms is the new. He's rusty, grown up.

Okay. So Chevy Chase is still Clark, but he's a grandfather okay isn't there a way isn't there a way some sort of that would be i take back the thing that i said about john mayer i would ask how can we make another vacation movie with young chevy chase yeah i find old chevy chase very charming speaking of a guy with a sweat rag. I read a whole trivia thing about it. You know, like the girl that he keeps seeing, is it Claudia Schiffer? Oh, in the first movie?

In the first one, yeah. Oh, Christy Brinkley. Christy Brinkley. That was supposed to be the son was seeing this girl everywhere. It was supposed to be like a girl his age, but they just thought like, no, it's funnier if it's the dad just keeps seeing this fantasy lady everywhere. So anyways, that's a bit of trivia for you. Take that home.

I don't feel like that landed. What else? That's great. I don't mind that because I feel like they're remaking old movies all the time now or worse, like a sequel 30 years later that is never good. Yeah.

Like, oh, yeah, we really do need to find out what's going on with Derek Zoolander today. Yeah. What's going on with the original crew from American Pie? But even that I don't mind because those are ones and Vacation where they just kept making movies. So it feels like it's like you're okay with it.

It's just when they wrapped it all up in one movie and then decide 25 years later, you know what? The world needs to know a little bit more about Tron. Or The Little Mermaid. We need a sequel to that oh yeah they did oh it was the little mermaid yeah there's been a couple that they've made another one you don't need another one it's never as good i know but kids don't know kids are dumb yeah that's true but now kids are dumb you're right. But isn't there I don't remember

how the little mermaid ends. Doesn't she end up being a person? She kills Eric. She kills Eric. He drowns.

Then she feels empowered as a woman. Yeah. And that's what turns her into a human. And she marries Ursula. Oh I thought she was going to

marry Sebastian. That was the love story as far as I was concerned. Because he never ends up with anybody, but he's a catch. Totally a catch. Sebastian the Crab. Well, he's a catch for a fisherman. The deadliest catch.

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So join us every week on MaximumFun.org. And don't worry, everyone. We got this. We got this. Overheard. Overheard. Now, before we get to Overheard, we don't want to leave the audience hanging. How does Little Mermaid end?

Little Mermaid ends with her marrying the guy. Prince Eric. Prince Eric. She stays on land. She stays on land. She gets her voice back, which she gave up for a guy. Yeah, yeah. It's really distressing

when you look at the message of the movie. The songs are great. But then the sequel would just be her on land? I think it was her kid. Usually it's like their kid. Lady and the Tramp 2. That must have been a big surprise. Played by Ed Helms.

When during the delivery, because the guy was assuming he was going to have a human baby. Does he know her backstory? That she was a fish? He figures it out by the end, I believe. And he's cool with it? Yeah. Yeah, but she's like, uh, if we ever have kids, we have to do it a little different. Yeah. I have to lay eggs.

Yeah, you gotta swim upstream and spawn. It's really gross. I'm spawning. I'm spawning i'm spawning you'll say it's it works it works but barely it's our it's our way that would be a very interesting sequel if not what it was about yeah a little The Little Mermaid. Parenthood. Also, Beauty and the Beast, when he turns back to human, there's no beast DNA left? In their next generation? Yeah, like the kid isn't going to be a little fuzzy? Right? Well, he wasn't always a beast, was he?

Wasn't it just like full moon? Yeah, he was always a beast once he was a beast, but once the curse was lifted, he wasn't always a beast, was he? Wasn't it just like full moon? Yeah, no. No, yeah. He was always a beast once he was a beast. But once the curse was lifted, he wasn't. Oh, he was born a human. Yes. Yeah. And then this old woman came to his house and was like, can I come in? He's like, no, you can't.

And she's like, are you sure? Yeah. I have to use your toilet. Well, absolutely not. And then she just turned him into a beast for that. How old was he? He was, oh, very young. Yeah, he just turned him into a beast for that. How old was he? He was, oh, very young. Yeah, he was sleeping and she knocked on his window.

12 or 13. Okay, so when did he lose his, what age was he when he lost his virginity? I don't know. Does he hook up with Belle in the movie? No, no. She plays it very cool. Is he a virgin when he hooks up with Belle? Definitely.

He hasn't lost it as a beast? His beastly urges? He seems like a real like to himself guy. What about Gaston? Oh, well,

Gaston lost it early. A lot of sexual versus. Are we talking did Gaston and Belle hook up or when did Gaston lose his virginity?

Yeah, Gaston will just take any. I don't know Gaston. Does he love Les Poissons? Or is that the other one? Is that the Little Mermaid? Here's my guess. Gaston never lost his virginity.

This is all bravado to cover up. That he was the only guy of his friends to not do it by prom. But all those girls in the village are like D, T, F, G. Yeah, but I think I think he's afraid

he brings a girl back and then he doesn't know what to do. That's going to spread around the village real quick. So he's like, Belle, she's an outsider. She understands.

Yeah, yeah. I have not seen this movie. I've seen most of The Little Mermaid, I think. Be our guest, Dave. Thank you. Yeah, did Gaston

maybe do it with, like, a teapot? The teapot was Angela Lansbury. So what? Well, I'm just saying. So, yeah. Yeah, so, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. And then she had a kid or a grandson that was Chip. Because he was a little teacup. Are they related? Yeah, her kid. Her kid is a cup. Her kid is a cup. They're related.

I think so. He came out of her spout? Probably her big part where you put the tea in. Sure. Oh, yeah. Her big part where you put the tea in. Sure. Oh, yeah. Her big part. Her brain. Now, this is a weird thing that Disney does once in a while.

They'll put a character from one movie in another movie. So there's a- Is Baloo in this? No, but in the movie Tarzan, there's a scene where they show the luggage of Tarzan's parents. Okay. And one of the things in it is a tea set and it's the tea set. No way. Yeah.

From Beauty and the Beast. In Hercules they have Scar as like a rug. As a carpet. Yeah. Yeah, a carpet. Wait. They will be selling this By the time

The episode comes out Wait So Hercules takes place After the Lion King I don't know if it's really That kind I don't think they think About continuity in that way

But they've made They've made this weird thing Where it's like So the Lion King took place Before ancient Greece Oh yeah That could happen I think it could happen

I mean I guess so. Yeah, because there's no people in the Lion King. There's no people in the Lion King, yeah. Yeah, that's right. So that could have been any time. This is like, I'm putting together a lot of stuff

out of movies I've never seen. Yeah, you're very good. Thank you. No, you've seen Lion King. No, sir. Wow. What? Wow.

I was 14. Oh, okay. That makes sense. But Graham still saw it a million times and cried. Yeah, we had a bit on the show that was called, I'm too old for this, like years ago. And it was based on the fact that Charlie Demers, past guest, and I were discussing The Lion King. And we both thought we were way younger when we saw it and then we looked when it came out and we were like

oh we were teenagers we thought we were little kids when we saw it like we were talking about how scary it was you maybe already were smoking probably also being scared by the Lion King I saw a guy vaping today

and I guess one of my problems with vaping is the size of these things. It was like a clarinet. It was like a lightsaber handle. Also, it's like, why does there always

have to be a flavor? There's always a flavor. I know, but like... It bugs me. It seems fun. Just have a prime time, right? Is that a cigarette? It's a flavor. There's always a flavor. I know. It hugs me. It seems fun. Just have a prime time, right? Is that a cigarette? It's a cigarillo.

Yeah, cigarillo. Very popular in Burnaby where I'm from. We're at parties, they'd be like, it's prime time time. Then everyone would take out a prime time. Everyone had them in their holster? They were like $1.99 each. Wow.

So you really had to schedule the right time. Is the cigarillo flavorful? Is it yummy? Does it smell nice? I enjoyed them once in a while. Can you buy them one at a time? You don't buy a pack of them? You can buy a pack of 10, I believe.

Did they have the little plastic? Yeah, they had the plastic outer thing that you can then put a joint in. Because that plastic thing, I always call it like they were wine dipped, but it was like tasty. It was like a plastic. Oh, really? Well, maybe not in prime times. Was it like a cult? Was that the brand that had like the grapes as the logo?

They had a grape flavor, vanilla flavor. Oh, like a bunch of grapes? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know which one that is, but there's one that had, it was a wine dip tip. Uh-huh. And it was plastic, and you would just chew on that all the way. Cool hip dip. Yeah.

Whoa, they had a plastic dip, like plastic little tip on it? Yeah, yeah, that was the kind that everybody I knew smoked. Are these things, does this look like this? Yeah, those are primetime. Oh, I'm going to get a primetime today. Relive my youth. Yeah. Well, I mean, you're in your youth.

Stop reliving your earlier youth and just live in your current youth. Yeah. Yeah. Remember back. Look, I remember when photos were on film. Do you? Absolutely. Oh, you do not.

It was always digital. I totally remember it because you can't, you can't, there's not that extra second with those ones. So I feel like you always got better shots. There's not that extra second. You know, with a digital camera, because it goes like, well, it waits and makes the picture perfect. Oh, really? It was like a snap and go that didn't actually exist. Yeah.

I feel like we had pretty good luck. Yeah. Like, compared to the thousands of pictures I take now, where I get four good ones. Yeah. Like, at this point. But you really had, like, people had to pose. That's true. Margot, just under 10 months, how many photos just ballpark?

Oh, boy. What is, like, a one with 40 zeros? But, like, if it's the same, at your same age, there would be eight photos. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. But how many do you have printed um uh

not that many but we have some but not that many I think I've printed a photo that wasn't a headshot in years some

my parents they'll take a lot of pictures and then they'll go down to Costco because it's really cheap to print photos yeah yeah

we do London drugs yeah and then they'll send me them and uh it's really they're the only photos I own. It's really quick. It's like you just pick the ones you want and you upload them and then they're ready the next day.

They can be ready that day. I don't know. Usually I'm doing it late at night drunk. Yeah, like my... Smoking prime times. So cool, huh? My grandma has one picture of her relatives.

Yeah. She has one and it's up on the wall. And I was like, oh man, they probably had to sit there for an hour while it like processed.

You know what I mean? Like, because that's why nobody smiled, I think. Because you're just like, whatever pose you can hold for an hour

while this makes a print. Well, also, life was miserable. Oh yeah, and also probably teeth were pretty funky back hour while this makes a print. Well, also, life was miserable. Oh, yeah. And also, probably teeth were pretty funky back then. And being a woman. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Oh, boy. Oh, man. Sing it, Shania. Now, overheard. Yeah, overheard. Now, these are things that we hear out in the world. We always like to start with the guest.

Okay. Well, I was in Fort McMurray. Oh, yeah. And I was like. This is in northern Alberta? Yeah. Sorry. Yeah. And I was like. This is in northern Alberta? Yeah, sorry. Yeah, it's in Alberta. You were filming an independent movie.

I was filming an independent film. And as I was. There's a few different ones. Ah, go on. Okay, well, one of them is when I got there, one guy said to someone else that they were trying to bring romance back to Fort McMurray. And then he's like, well, how? And I'm like, well, they redid the keg. Which is amazing.

Now it's got a heart-shaped toe in it. Did you go to the new keg? No, I was afraid to go it alone a lot. So we were staying. I don't know. Someone told me we were in a really rough part of it. So I didn't really leave the hotel. How would you know? Yeah.

I walked out and I did go to a diner. And then everyone was, I was the only person in there, but they were all smoking in the back. So I had a really bad service. All the employees were smoking? Yeah, all the employees just needed a smoke. Yeah, I understand that. Which I fully respect if you're living there. Although I feel like I worry that it's because it's like Canada's oil capital. Yeah.

Like I'm worried if you smoke, you'll catch a fire. That's a valid concern. They actually have a policy there where they don't let you get plastic bags when you get groceries. You have to bring your own fabric bag, which is ridiculous. It's like, don't do anything environmental, guys. Wow. Come on. But, you know, it's like, you know, it's kind of like.

It's like putting a Band-Aid on a heart attack. But it, no. Doesn't make any sense. That actually does work. But it's like getting somebody a gift certificate to their own place of employee for their birthday. It's like oil. We get it.

We don't need to just walk around with oil bags. Yeah, bags made of oil. Like, we get enough fucking oil situation up here. Just cloth bag it, all right? Everybody drives a Prius. Yeah. I don't know, all right? Everybody drives a Prius. Yeah. I don't know, man. You have others?

Oh, yeah. And then on the plane there, the plane there was amazing because the two guys that like obviously were like at a point where they could work in the rig,

they looked like they worked on the rigs because they were young and strong looking and they kept their sunglasses on the whole flight and it wasn't a bright flight they were the only ones that kept them on the whole time and there was this this dad with his

two kids and the the kid kept asking why which i guess is like a kid thing yeah he's like well and then the dad was amazing the dad kept going into more and more detail he's like well why is the like oh well they're pulling the wing up. Oh, they're pulling, I mean, the wheels up. And he's like, well, why? And then he went into more and more science. He knew the science of everything. Wow.

And he kept saying why, and he kept having the answer. And it became very scientific to the point where the kid just, I mean, the kid didn't care. Why? Yeah, that's exactly how he was saying it. But I think that's the trick. Yeah. Because if you become flummoxed on the second why, then you're like, oh boy, I'm in for a real,

a lot more whys here. There's like 40 more whys coming at me. Just had this idea of this dad, like, researching the night before, prepping for the questions that would come. Yeah, just doing homework. Yeah. Just like all the possible questions.

Like, okay, why aren't there unicorns? We're going on a flight, so flight stuff. I didn't expect them to be so intrigued by the Kalamata they're serving. Yeah, where do pretzels come from? See, I wouldn't know what to say, Germany. Alcohol's free on the way to Fort McMurray. Oh, really? You gotta pay for it on the way back?

No, it's free on the way back, too. Oh, wow. Weird. Never been on a flight like that. Well, you're young. Where alcohol's free? Is that a thing? Yeah, Dave and I have taken a lot of Zeppelin trips. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, boy. With only champagne? If you're on a

dirigible, then you can have as much of the Kaiser's private sash as you want. What airline? WestJet. WestJet. Free drinks on the way to Fort McMurray. Yeah, maybe because it was, I don't know, like an in-Canada smaller flight. There's only like 50 people on it. For sure, I went,

uh, when I was a teenager, my family went to Las Vegas and I remember there being cheap or free, free booze on the flight. Like that was a thing

like get drunk. I've definitely been on the way. Uh, uh, intercontinental flights where it's free. Like,

yeah, flying to Europe. Yeah. Because, well, maybe that's the international waters. They don't have,

and you can do some day trading, but it's $10,000. yeah because well maybe that's international waters they don't have to charge it and you can do some day trading but it's ten thousand dollars to check your bag yeah I never check a bag

now I'll never check a bag and sometimes you have to if you're gone for a long time or if you're carrying liquids

yeah that was my whole thing is I'm packing every liquid I can think of that's a good point taking lotions, potions.

Sundry notions. Dave, do you have an overheard? What was your weird thing you said earlier when you're getting on a roller coaster? Oh, Bermuda Finn's dad house. That's the one. Oh, you know, Finn Finn doesn't sound right as an Italian. Bortolini? Oh, you know, Fin Fin doesn't sound right as an Italian. Uh-huh. Bortolini?

Well, it was supposed to be Bortoli, but supposedly Napoleon put an N on the end of everybody's name. Oh, I'm so mad at that guy. Classic Napoleon. Okay. My overheard is an overseen. I'm reading it off my phone. It's a picture I took of a sign in my neighborhood. Distraction free day.

Okay. Someone has put up these signs in my neighborhood for distraction free free day. Okay. Someone has put up these signs in my neighborhood for distraction free day. September 7th. So, well, there's plenty of time. Yeah.

2015. A day of peace. Okay. No cell phones, tablets, computers, stereos. All right,

wait a minute. How am I going to break dance? No plans, goals, agendas, shopping, done and done. How am I going to break dance? No plans, goals, agendas, shopping. Done and done. I feel like I'm ready for this day. Turn everything off.

Turn on to courage, comma, life. What? Let it be, exclamation mark. Oh, yeah. Beyond conflict to communion.com. Okay. So it's, I think, a religious thing. Oh. That's fair. So it's a, it's a, I think a religious thing, but, um,

I don't know though. Shouldn't a religious organization be all about tablets and all about communion? Um, I like, I, it really was a curve ball with stereos. Cause it feels like it ages the person. It's not

like I get the idea of no cell phones, tablets, or computers. Okay. These are things consuming our lives. Put on a bit of music maybe.

You know, it's fun. I bet you they were this is what I picture. A room full of people coming up with this idea and one

old dude at the very end put stereos put stereos in there yeah only mono and then no but the other curveball is no plans

or goals or agendas or shopping what if you have a soccer game that day no you gotta well no soccer works

so there are very few goals yeah they don't do a sudden and they'll do a tie at zero oh yeah absolutely and that's a good day out of the park but just like the idea is you sit in a room you stare at the wall but don't don't don't have a goal to stare at the wall all day no yeah it's it's like what's the one buy nothing day yeah which is like it's like do nothing day achieve nothing day but with buy nothing day

i always feel like if you're gonna do that like everybody buys the stuff they they're gonna need the day before totally also it's a goal to not do anything yeah that's a paradox and it's an agenda to not do anything. Yeah. That's a paradox. And it's an agenda. Yeah. What's your agenda? Yeah.

Old man who showed up at this meeting. No stereos. No stereos too though. My neighbor's stereo is so loud. Listen to that dubstep. Those are personally

postered as well. It took hours of work. He wants a day off from postering. That's all this is. So on September 7th, guys, remember. Always remember. No distractions. The 7th of September.

That's got to be a weekend. What if it's a Wednesday? Like, well, I need my computer. I can't call in late to or not coming into work i can't use my phone and i can't use my stereo i can't use my cb radio that's technically a stereo graham what's your overheard my friend uh mine is an overseen uh that a couple of people saw me doing what What? Where?

Downtown. Vancouver? Yep. I was walking along, and I just finished eating a hamburger. Veggie burger. Veggie burger. From Harvey's? Yeah, absolutely.

I had just done a show. I treated myself to a Harvey's veggie burger. Best in the city. And then I was walking along, and I had the wrapper, and I passed by a construction site. And I thought to myself, I'm going to throw this over the construction site. Why, Vince? And so I did.

What time? Is this nighttime? This is nighttime. No workers. No, no, no workers. This is nighttime. So then I throw it over. And while I do that, my phone like flies out of my pocket. Your chest pocket? Yeah. It lands on the ground and I throw it over, and while I do that, my phone flies out of my pocket.

Your chest pocket? Yeah. It lands on the ground, and I grab it, and when I'm standing up, two people I think who listen to the podcast are like, hi, Graham. I'm like, oh, no. And I just said, hey, and it crosses the street really fast. That could be a protest towards condo development. Yeah. But I bet it wasn't.

No, it was mostly, can I throw this garbage over this fence? It doesn't fit in my pocket. Yeah. Is that technically littering if it's onto private property that someone's going to have to clean up? I figure if you put a cage around anything, it's technically a garbage can. So the zoo is just a big garbage can? Yeah, yeah, yeah. A hamster cage.

Oh, no, that's fun. Pretty embarrassing way to top off an evening, but hey, there you go. That's the price. That's the real price of fame. Not being able to litter wherever you want. Yeah, fame is fickle. Yeah, fame is fickle. Now, we also have overheards sent in to us from around the world.

If you want to send one in to us, send it in to spy at maximumfund.org. This first one comes from Tom from Chicago. My wife teaches elementary school, and she sent me this email about her Martin Luther King Day discussion. January. I love how far back you are. And the thing is we're not recording for we're recording two episodes in maybe the next eight weeks.

You're going to be falling way behind. But we're still releasing episodes every week. Everybody check your RSS feeds. So this is all the message from the wife, who is the teacher. Today's class discussion, we talked about dreams, and I gave examples of dreams. All people will be safe. Everyone will be healthy, et cetera.

This is the teacher. Headphones will be wireless and free will be healthy, etc. This is the teacher. Headphones will be wireless and free. Lighter and wireless. What a world. Me. What are your dreams? Hands go up. Girl student.

I'm going to be a cat. Teacher. Okay. Do you have any other dreams? Girl. No. Me. Anyone else? Girl. No. Me. Anyone else?

Boy. I'm going to be a dog. I had a dream. That I was a cat. That one day cats and dogs will not be judged by the color of their fur, but by the content of their kibble. But by the content of their kibble. The next one comes from Andrew B. He wrote Andrew B. P.T. comma D.P.T.

What does that mean? What? P.T. comma D.P.T. The B was his last name. He didn't write Andrew B, did he? No. Or he wrote his last name? Yes, he wrote his last name. And then he wrote P-T

And then comma D-P-T I don't know. I don't know. Are those like some kind of Credential? Credential, yeah.

Yeah, I don't know. Credenza? P-T-D-P-T? P-T P-T comma D-P-T Pet technician? PetT. Pet technician. Pet detective.

Pet detective. I mean, we all hope it's pet detective. Surely that's what we all are hoping for. Doctor of physical therapy. Oh. There we go. All right. Congratulations.

Show off. If you spent that much on an education, I think the least you could do. And what you'll probably get is just those letters. You get those letters and you can send them to any podcast. So this is, I work at a summer camp. We keep a quote board of the best overheard from campers. Oh. Here are a few I thought you might like.

I'm only going to read one. You're damn right you are. During trivia, name a country in the United Kingdom. Russia, India, Canada, Utah.

What's that place where Italians live? Pizzaland. Pizza 73. Mario World. Yeah. Chuck E. Cheese. Can you name all the nations

of the United Kingdom? Yeah. There's England, Scotland, Wales, Ireland. Nope. Yes. Ireland. No. Northern Ireland?

Oh, Northern Ireland. That's right. Yeah. And Ireland's its own separate country. Yeah. But they have a special deal that they're allowed to work in each other's country. What's in Great Britain that isn't in the United Kingdom? Or what's in the United Kingdom that isn't in each other's country. What's in Great Britain that isn't in the United Kingdom?

Or what's in the United Kingdom that isn't in Great Britain? Oh. Northern Ireland. Oh. Interesting. Yeah. I learned that from that one show with Gillian Anderson and Jamie Dornan. The Fall?

Yeah. Such a good show. I'm not sure I believe her accent. She does it all the time. She does that. You know who's having a hard time accent-wise? Colin Farrell in the new True Detective. Man, he cannot not Irish up every other word. Oh, I can't believe there's been a murder in Bruges.

Yeah, a murder. Oh, they cut off this guy's penis. So you've been watching. Yeah, I caught up. Ooh, I haven't watched it yet. Is it good? Well... I saw a mask. Is someone wearing a mask? There's a mask.

There's like a crow mask, I think. Oh, I like that. It's moody for the sake of moody at this point oh man oh i also like the original yeah well no the original at least was like this one it feels like they're gotta be as moody as the original we gotta have vince vaughn looking at water spots on his ceiling for 10 minutes vince vaughn isn't it yeah so tall yeah and he keeps saying everybody's money which i'm, that's from another movie. This last one comes from Brian S. from South Florida.

This is chaperoning a student field trip to Washington, D.C., and we spent the day at the Holocaust Memorial Museum. There were lots of student groups there and outside the quiet hall of remembrance following the museum tour another student group was queued up filling up the guest book where you can write longer messages I was behind a teenager and when he left the book I turned back to his page

because he was done in like 5 seconds this is what he wrote of his museum visit experience concerning the holocaust what a mess This is what he wrote of his museum visit experience concerning the Holocaust. What a mess. Oh, no. Oh, man. Oh, boy.

What a mess. Better than hags. Yeah, that's true. But, you know, he wasn't trying to be disrespectful, I don't think. Yeah. And he's right. What a mess. I mean, at first glance, if you're flying past the history of Earth, that's a perfect encapsulation.

Yeah, that's true. But if you're spending the day at the museum, you would hope that you would come up with something beyond what a mess. with something beyond what a mess. But that sounds like the exact kid that I went to school with that during the final exams, which dictated whether or not you graduated, was writing exam. And when they said, your mandatory hour of doing the exam is up,

folded his book and went and handed it in. Oh, because it was an hour minimum? Yeah, you had to spend an hour there. And as soon as they were like, first hour's up, he was like, and I'm done. So I feel like this is the same kid. Who is that guest book for?

Like, do they read? I don't know. I've signed a lot of guest books, and I do not know where they're... Where are they going? Who's reading them? Other guests, I guess. Flip through. Yeah. I don't know.

Like when you sign into a bed and breakfast or something like that, they make you sign the thing and say where you're from. But like who's reading that? The people that own the bed and breakfast? Can you imagine anything worse than a bed and breakfast? Like a shared bathroom situation and you're on vacation? Yeah. I stayed in a lot of them on this one tour. It was the weirdest thing in the world.

Because you got to talk to these people. They're not like. You maybe don't have a TV in your room. What are you supposed to do? Or breakfast? You're right. They're right there. Yeah.

Yeah. Like it's part of it. It's like. I will say that the breakfasts were the best it was it in europe it was in uh england is that in the united kingdom yeah technically but is it in great britain i don't know uh now is that the end of everything it It is. That was that, Dave. Hags. Hags. In addition to overheards that are written in, phone calls. If you want to call us, here's what you do. You take that little device of yours. I call it a phone.

You put in these numbers. Beep, bop, boop. Beep, bop, boop. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. And then you'll hear a fax tone. Ignore it. Wait 45 seconds. Yeah.

Leave a message. The phone number is 206-339-8328, like these people have. Hi, this is Zoe from Prescott, Arizona, calling in with a fuller herd. I just got out of urgent care, and I had to get some blood drawn. urgent care and I had to get some blood drawn and the PA who was attending me walked out of my room closing the door and I heard him say to the nurse do you know how to draw blood and she goes I haven't done it since school and then he goes well I'm sure not gonna do. So lots of confidence in that one. Don't they have special, isn't that a specialty?

Like a phlebotomist? It's the person that draws beds. That's a made-up word. No, no, no. That's something you say when you brush your teeth. Are you thinking of hippopotamus? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, I know that's a specialty, too. A phlebotomist is a word you say while you're rubbing your hand over your mouth.

Yeah, a phlebotomist. I am a doctor phlebotomist. No. Did she say the guy was a PA? That's just someone on a movie set. Yeah, yeah. Take some blood out of that man. Yeah, yeah.

And pick me up some pretzels from Crafty. Yeah. I want to suck some young blood tonight out of a straw. Like a star. Did you guys hear about that young blood? About that? Did you guys hear about a family bought a house

and what are you talking about? There's someone stalking the house. And the previous owners of the house, it's somewhere in the States, the previous owner of the house had received like like threatening letters from someone who was like uh i forget what the first letter was but they sold

the house without telling the people and the people bought the house and they've been receiving threatening letters about and it's like a family with three kids and they're like do you let the young bloods play in the basement? Oh. Ah. You don't know what's in the walls. And, like, it's, like, the freakiest letters ever. And it's turned into this big legal dispute of all things. Well, it's not legal to scare people, is it? It's illegal to, I guess, withhold the, well, maybe it's not. Maybe they had no reason to not withhold the letters that they had received about the house.

But it's like, hey, guess what? I'm in love with your house. I'm from another dimension. Yeah, yeah. That would drop the property value. Yeah, it'd be very hard sale to be like, well, it's close to all the good school. Oh, one last thing. Somebody from another dimension is obsessed with this house.

Are you talking about Columbo, the real estate agent? One more thing. One more thing. One more thing. Judy and Ken's set. Oh, great. Larry King's back. I think that would be a good series. Columbo, the real estate agent. One more thing. With his sidekick, Larry King.

With the same voice. Here's your next phone call. Hey, David Graham, this is Tyler from Atlanta. Sure is. Calling in with an overheard. I was at my parents' house the other day and I walked in the backyard and saw my mom

and my three-year-old nephew playing with bubbles. And right when I walked up, my nephew dunked his little wand thing in the bubbles and held it up to my mom's face and said, Blow me, Grandma. I think I got a t-shirt. Yeah, exactly.

That's a t-shirt. Sorry, my phone's ringing. That's all right. Also, I think that would be a fun... That's just a funny all-around... It's a pin. It's a wallet. Oh, yeah. It's a just a funny all around it's a pin it's a wallet oh yeah sure it's a media empire

the plomy grandma plomy grandma what age are they gonna tell that kid that story when he grows up oh yeah that'll be an entertaining

like 15 maybe yeah I once saw you tell grandma to blow you here's the context you stupid idiot. Yeah. I don't know.

It'll be fun. That's a fun, like, when the kid is graduating or maybe getting married. It's like one of those fun, like, I remember when. You know what I mean? You got to store those up in case you ever have to make a speech. I feel like it's also something you could tell him every week from the time he's 12 to the time he's 30.

Yeah, that's true. That's another. At every family dinner. Bully your kid. Well, or your nephew. Nephews are the easiest to bully. Oh, man. Such wieners. Blow me. No, don't blow me, nephew. You get it. Yeah, you said said it here's your final overheard of

2015 hey dave and graham and possible guests this is dan from milwaukee just wanted to call an overheard for you i was uh down at a local music festival uh here in milwaukee and i was waiting outside uh for a friend to come by and i saw two uh drunk girls walk, and I was waiting outside for a friend to come by, and I saw two drunk girls walk by, and one was much drunker than the other. And the very drunk one was just saying, I need some gum. I need to find my boyfriend because he has my gum. And her friend who was kind of carrying her along just looked at her and said,

You don't need any gum, and you don't have a boyfriend. I know, but I've constructed this whole narrative. And that's the best I can hope for. Yeah. My boyfriend carries my gum. It's pretty cool, actually. He's from Canada. But that's, you know, that's okay.

That's a good definition of a relationship. Like, every relationship's got to be about something. So this one's about gum. It helps people stick together. Ah, yeah. But it won't stick to your dental work. Hopefully. Well, unless you're, you know, chewing cheap gum.

Yeah, sure. Discount gum. You know, like, I feel like Chiclets, that was like a discount gum. Oh, yeah. Right? Like, I felt like that stuck to everything instantly. My mom used to buy them. Yeah, I don't think you could get them anymore.

You got them in a paper box? Yeah, and when you emptied it out, you could blow in it and it made a little honking noise. That's right. What? So much fun. Whoa. Yeah. And it would be like, I don't know, 12 gums, 12 little soap bars of gum.

And then on Halloween, you get a little one that had two. That's the only one I know. Yeah. I didn't realize they came bigger. They came in a paper that had a tiny bit of plastic, like a little window. Yeah. Oh, yeah. that's right. So you could see like a letter that has like the...

Cool. Yeah, the address. Yeah. I wonder if chiclets are still around. They must be. I'm just not in a discount gum buying phase. No, that's true. I feel like they maybe even had like a tartan on them.

Like the package maybe was like scottish in nature i uh have you ever like thought of a brand that you're like i wonder if they're on twitter and then you've seen their twitter account they only have like 600 followers no well i used to follow fanta yeah yeah like I follow, I can't remember who I followed recently. I followed Pizza Pops recently and I told them to follow me and they did. They fell right in line. Unlike Ragu, who I've been calling out for a month. What are those gums that were, were they called thrills? They tasted like soap?

Oh, it tasted like soap. It was a fun prank. Here's some gum. But yuck. But they weren't sold as a prank gum. No. Did you have this in your childhood? The Willy Wonka ones tasted like soap. It was a fun prank. Here's some gum. But they weren't sold as a prank gum. No. Did you have this in your childhood? The Willy Wonka ones tasted like soap.

Oh, yeah. They were purple and they tasted like soap. Yeah, maybe those were Willy Wonka. I never had the other ones. They were purple. They were called thrills. Thrills were, yeah, they were like a longer chiclet. They were longer and they tasted like soap.

Yeah, I remember there was something that tasted like soap. Do you remember blackjack gum? Only from the time they talked about it on Seinfeld. And that's the only reason that I, like, drudged it out of my memory was that I had a friend who had blackjack gum and we chewed it and it was gross. It was the gross, like, black licorice gum.

Yeah, licorice flavor. Ugh. Yeah. But I remember chewing that and then I remember seeing it in the Seinfeld episode. I was like, oh, so that wasn't a thing my brain made up. Blackjack gum. There does not seem to be a Thrillz gum.

Oh, it's a Canadian brand of chewing gum. But they don't seem to have a Twitter account. See, but that would be fun to start up a Twitter, a tribute account to Thrillz gum. I think a lot of people would get on board with that. Like our friend, past guest Cameron Reid. Was it Doritos Ontario? Doritos Ontario. He is very invested in Doritos on Twitter.

Yeah. It's just the Ontario branch of Doritos. But they seem pretty cool. Yeah. Doritos? Well, the Doritos branch on Twitter seems pretty cool. Remember we were at, in Edmonton, we were getting these slushy things, and then there was a woman preparing something in a Doritos bag.

Yeah. But we didn't know. We never had the balls to ask what it was. I know what that was. What was it? It's a taco salad. You put the things in a thing of Doritos and you crush them up? Yeah, it's basically like a taco, a walking taco.

A waco. Yeah. You put all the taco things in a Doritos bag, crush up the Doritos, and then you eat it with a fork. Why didn't you tell me that was what it was? It's been bothering me. I haven't slept since. Because it wasn't lunchtime. Oh, man.

What a cool thing. Well, that brings us to the end of this. So, Thrill's Gum, by the way. Oh yeah, BT Dubs. I guess we're going to teach everyone who's not Canadian about this brand of chewing gum. Thrillz Gum. A Canadian brand of chewing gum, originally produced by O.P.C., the Hockey Card Company of London, Ontario, subsequently bought by Nestle. Okay.

Well known for its purple color and its distinctive floral rosewater flavor. Soap. It's soap. It is soap. Yeah. Yeah, rosewater is soap. Good to know. Well, that's not.

Or perfume, right? Rosewater? Rosewater? You know, you could, they maybe have a Turkish delight rosewater flavor. Gross. Gross to everybody who likes that this is the end of the episode

do you have anything that you would like to plug I mean you've got this web series go to goldenfutureseries.tumblr.com we'll have

probably already a bunch of the episodes up on there already there's only five that's very exciting that's a bunch right yeah it's really exciting we have a bunch of past episodes up on there already. There's only five. That's very exciting. Right?

Yeah. It's really exciting. We have a bunch of past guests on there. Of ours. Of you guys. Not your own past guests. No. I guess they might have been

guests in your home. No, I don't know. You just know. Not a thing. Maybe. Yeah, that's true. But yeah, go there. I also do a lot

of these things called Playing Blind, which is like a YouTube thing. Bita and I and past guests Adam Pateman and Ivan Decker. Ivan Decker. This is like you play video games. Two people play video games and one person's wearing a blindfold and the other person has to describe what's going on or tell them what to do. That is exactly what it is. I love it.

That's fun. Yeah, it's so much fun. See, that's an elevator pitch. Yeah. Yeah, Dave knows. I didn't even have to say they were dumb. Oh, and they're dumb. They're such...

No, wait, you're dumb. No, I mean this is dumb. I'm dumb. The elevator's dumb. Yeah, so check that out. Yeah. And I guess Gregwar, Gregwar, Gregwar that out. Yeah. And I guess Gregoire, Gregoire, Gregoire. Ten more times.

God damn it. Is the name of the feature film that I was just shooting. Gregoire? Yeah. G-R-E-G. Gregg. G-R-E-G. Yeah.

Yeah. O-I-R-E? R-O-I-R-E. Greg Roir. Oh, Greg Roir. But it's sort of French. The first E has a little thingy-o above it. Oh, that's two years of French in university for you.

A little thingy over it. An accent de goût. A chapeau chinois. I think check it out. Yeah. Google it, ma'am. I think check it out. Yeah. Google it, man. I think check it out. It's probably not out yet.

It's going to be great. Probably not, but it will be, and it'll be really interesting. And on Twitter, you are? Oh, yeah. At the only Bortolin. B-O-R-T-O-L-I-N. There you go. Dave, anything to plug?

No. Have a good end of the summer. Have a good end of the summer. Yeah. We'll be of the summer. Yeah, we'll be back next week. Yeah. It feels weird because Graham's

going to be gone physically for three weeks. I know. Then he'll be back and then he'll be gone again. Will people miss me when I'm gone? Who knows?

The only way to know is to go away. But we'll be back next week. So, yeah, you guys don't need to worry about that. You know everything you know about gum. Yeah.

See if you can't find a place in your neighborhood that carries Thrill's gum. If not, demand it. Yeah. You won't enjoy it. Yeah, you'll take one bite. You'll regret all your decisions. Usually, sometimes people will email us

and say, hey, is there a street address where i can mail you something and i'll mail them back and say are you sure you're not a creep yeah yeah yeah uh but why don't you email us your street address and i'll mail you some thrills yeah we'll send you some thrills let's see if it gets there or at least send us like a description of your house on your street and i'll write that on an envelope. Dumbest house on the street. That would be the address would be all I've said now. Or whatever, the door.

Where, where? Doors where windows should be and vice versa. It's the end of August or middle of August right now. You're in Edinburgh, Scotland.

Edinburgh, Scotland. Oh, yeah. Reading the phone book. Yeah. And then, that's it. if you like the podcast uh why don't you head over to maximumfun.org check out the blog recap of this episode pictures and video relating to the content of what we talked about thrills gum for sure

uh littlest uh mer mer man oh why not that, uh, why don't we see one of those for the little boys out there? They grew up without role models. Yeah. There was, there was no culture for little boys. That was a terrible role model. Do not repeat that. The littlest mer man. Give yourself up for someone else.

Yeah. Give yourself up to the worst person in the ocean. Right? Because Ursula was like, she was bad news. Who's to the worst person in the ocean. Right? Because Ursula was like she was bad news. Who's the current worst person in the ocean? I mean Oil. Yeah, Oil.

There's, yeah, Exxon. Kesha spends time in the ocean. Captain Jack Sparrow. Jack, Captain Jack Sparrow Captain Jack Sparrow is pretty horrible he's always up to no good the jester of Tartuga

oh boy if you like the show please do tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself maximum fun.org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported