Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 391 - Nicole Passmore

Episode Date: September 14, 2015

Nicole Passmore returns to talk teen angst, tolerating cats, and Weird Al.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 391 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graeme Clark and with me as always is a man who's down with OPP, Mr. Dave Shumka. Other people's privates? Yeah, absolutely.

Is that really what that stands for? I was told when I was a kid that it was other people's posses. But then in the song they clearly identify that it is about people's genitals oh do they say p words yeah well and they allude to it like oh like i like other people's genitals because they're different than mine some of them are smooth and some of them are bumpy some of them are great and some of them are lumpy. Rap. Have you heard the new Macklemore song about buying a moped? Yes.

A moped? Yeah, it's the new Apple get-around device. They announced today the Pencil and the Apple Moped. Just buying a moped. And our guest today, returning guest, one of our faves, very hilarious comedian, Miss Nicole Passmore is here. Hello. Hello. It's other people's pussy. Yeah.

Or if you're really cool, Ontario Provincial Police. Maybe that's what it's about. Other people's penises. I read that the song was about sleeping with other people's girlfriends. Oh, you know me. It's like stealing other people's. Well, who would be down with that?

Well, I guess... That guy in Straight Outta Compton. Eazy-E? No. No. No, not Eazy-E. Paul Giamatti? Not Dre.

Ice Cube? Not Ice Cube. Ren? No. No. Because Ren's the big guy. No, Ren's the chihuahua. No.

The little guy. The guy Ren's the chihuahua. No, the little guy. The guy who was in Bone Thugs. I haven't seen this movie. I'm so white. Yeah, I didn't see the movie either. Have you seen it? I've seen it twice, yeah. Okay, well then you know more than we do.

There's a guy in the crew who always sleeps with other people's girlfriends. I would be sure that would be Dr. Dre. No? I mean, probably him too, but there's like another guy. Have you ever slept with someone else's partner?

No. Have you ever? Not even. No, I'm not. I'm down with it. Don't get me wrong. That's a very heavy question to put at the beginning.

Made out? With somebody who had a partner? Yeah. Not knowingly. I mean, it's, anything's possible. You haven't? I'm not answering that.

Okay. Then we know what that means. Ontario Provincial Police. Do you want to get to know us? Yeah, absolutely. Get to know us. Nicole. Yeah. Adulterer. No. Get to know us Nicole Yeah Adulterer

No Nicole I mean we've already Gotten to know a lot About you No So you The last time

You were on the show You were just Moving I was Out to Ontario I was And now you're back To Toronto

Because you failed out there No Oh okay You're back to visit No I fail everywhere. That's not why I'm back. That's not why I'm back. I'm a world tour.

I fail in England. I fail in Spain. I fail in Portugal. Out in the rain. No, no. I love this music. I fail in one. in Portugal out in the rain. Um, no, no. I love this

music. I fail in one specific time zone. It's called My Fail Lady. Pretty good. Yeah, that is pretty good.

No, I, I mean, I'm not going to say whether or not I failed, but I'm back visiting my mom. Yeah.

So I win at family. You win at family. Yeah. Yeah, I still live in family. You win at family. Yeah. Yeah, I still live in Toronto. Are you done with other people's parents? Only if I'm fucking them. Okay.

Follow-up question. Oh, boy. How many people's parents have you had sex with? I'm not answering that. Oh, so at least one. Yeah, no, I live in Toronto still, but I'm back for that. Oh, so at least one. Yeah, no, I live in Toronto still, but I'm back for a few weeks visiting. How's it out there in Toronto? It's good.

I really like it. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't think I would. Why did you move there then? Just for the change. Sure. But because like if you, you obviously, you guys have been here for people who haven't. Vancouver's beautiful.

It's gorgeous. It's a gem of a city. And Toronto is kind of ugly. How so? Well, it's not ugly. That's unfair. But when you go from a place that has mountains and the ocean and everything is beautiful and natural and, you know, it's gorgeous to a place that's all concrete and smells a bit like sewage a lot of the time. I didn't think I would like the city itself, but it is charming.

It's so charming. Yeah. Where do you live? What neighborhood? I was living in a neighborhood called Roncesvalle. I was at 190. We're doing a new setup here. Yeah.

We switched who sits where and now it's freaking me out because our guest is now sitting like in between us. Yeah. But the microphone is in such a way that she could only look at me

while she talks Graham never had that problem no I know no I don't like it anyway I'm moving to college street which is pretty cool

oh yeah pretty cool yeah this time of year moving on up back to school back to school. Back to school, college, and Beatrice. So, you get the intersection.

Yeah. Not necessarily. For any listeners looking to hunt down Nicole Passmore. You always worry about that, and no one has. Well, you know. What? No, but you would know if you've been hunted down. Oh, yeah, that's true.

But, you know, like some guy could like be, you know, figuring out your pattern and then he bumps into you accidentally, right? For what? I don't know. Sexual chemistry? Okay. That doesn't exist with me. Oh, stop. That's not true.

You're a hot tomato. Everybody knows it. Oh, stop. That's not true. You're a hot tomato. Everybody knows it. That's weird. What are you doing out in Toronto? I work at a place called Bad Dog. Okay. At a theater. It's a dog kennel as well.

For troubled dogs. During the day, it's a dog kennel. I wish. I really like that, actually the day, it's a dog kennel at night. I would really, I would really like that actually. No, it's a, it's an improv theater and it's great.

I teach and I perform there and it's really lovely. Nice. And that's like, that's like the full-time gig out in Toronto? Yeah, like I just teach

and I perform and constantly I'm on the verge of getting a real job but haven't had to yet. Nice. So, you know, living the life.

Canadian dream. And like, what's your favorite thing that's happened since you've moved out to Toronto? I mean, if you had to pick. Yeah. Like new backpack. My really,

really wonderful boss set me up teaching at a school a high school and i basically had my own dangerous minds experience oh okay leather jacket teaching yeah i did not look that cool i did not have that michelle pfeiffer white gold bullshit um is that the new Macklemore? That's the new Bruno Mars, who I described earlier as that short, non-white one. Yeah, and I nailed it on the first guess. Yeah, on Graham Guest. So I was teaching a class of grade nine kids,

and they had had six teachers throughout the year. Oh! Because at the beginning of the year, their teacher had to go on stress leave and this is a drama class yeah it's a it was a drama class of grade nine kids and so they had this teacher leave for for stress reasons and stress fractures they had five supply teachers substitute teachers whatever you want to call them. Who didn't take. Who didn't take. So actually they were on the seventh teacher. Wow.

In a drama class. Like the nerdiest bunch of kids in the school. Yeah, just. Well, well, they would have been if they had wanted to be there. But in that school, you have to choose. And it's like a really academic school. So if you're not, if your grades aren't high enough, you don't get your first choice. So only about five kids in the class wanted to be there.

The rest, it was their last choice class. And she told me, the teacher told me that 60% of them were identified as problem learners. Wow. Two had been arrested. In a drama class? Before the age of 14. Not in class. But two of the students.

So she was hired blind, basically. So they said to her, we've got a spot for you for the rest of the year, but you have to agree and you can't quit. And she said, yeah, that's wonderful. Yeah, that's great. Why would I quit? You'll be teaching this sewage. I'm not going to say the name of the school i will say it's a wonderful school great teacher and i really love the kids just give us the intersection itself

just give us if it's a famous televised junior high uh but yeah so she she said they were incredibly stressful and she wouldn't have taken the job but i love them and they love me and I really got through to them. Oh, by using rap? Well, one of the first classes. Is that what happens in Dangerous Minds? Yeah, she plays some rap. And then she's like, this is like Shakespeare.

Yeah, and then the principal's like, you're supposed to be teaching math. Yeah. She's like. like you're supposed to be teaching math. Yeah. She's like, uh, uh,

uh. She throws white gold in their face and disappears. No, I, um, I really liked them. And one of the first classes they, I was like,

can I get an object? And one of the kids was like, yeah. Cause you ask for suggestions and improv. If you don't know, it's a real nerd thing to do. So you walk in this first... You need things to make up things.

Is this your first thing that you do? How do you, like, meet this? Oh, yeah. Did you arrange, like, your single spotlight? It's their stage. Hello. No, I...

Oh, I didn't see you there. What I did with that is, like, I invited you into my world. Isn't it magical? No, the teacher introduced me. It was boring. And then some kid made some shitty comment and I made fun of him in a productive way. Are you, did they call you Nicole or Ms. Passmore?

Yeah, I let them, they thought they were supposed to call me Ms. Passmore, but I let them call me Nicole. Ms. P. Ms. P. Just call me Miss P. Miss P? Just call me Nikki P. Please don't. But so one of the first classes I was like, can I get a suggestion of an object? And one of the tough kids in the class was like. Brad Nuggles.

No, no. He said, yeah, Sasha Gray. And I turned to to him and said she's not an object she's a human being and they all went oh and then i heard them mutter like she knows who sasha gray is i was like yeah damn why are 14 year olds watching porn like that i heard when you first said i was like is that beyon Beyonce's altering? No, Dave. But then I remembered she was on the last season

of Entourage. Yeah. And she was in a movie. A Steven Soderbergh. So like... Picture. So they were impressed that you knew your porno?

Yeah, they were impressed that I knew one of the most famous porn stars. Come on. You're like, you think that's impressive. impressed that you knew one of the most famous porn star We got Leslie Butt. We got Veronica Vaginica. Oh, Dave. You've never seen porn. Well, I don't go out for these Hollywood productions where everyone has a name. Oh, man.

Yeah, I don't know. There's lots of great stuff that's happened out there It's a great city Yeah Yeah I like it I like it I never saw Dangerous Minds Okay

When I was in grade 10 We had Our social studies teacher Went on a stress leave Or as we said Back in the day Had a nervous breakdown Yeah

Yeah Yeah That's right And then Another teacher came And then she had to leave To take care of her mother as we said back in the day, had a nervous breakdown. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. And then another teacher came, and then she had to leave to take care of her mother. Then another teacher came, and then he stopped. And then our fourth teacher was a brand new teacher, and she compared herself in the first class to Michelle Pfeiffer from Dangerous Minds. Oh, no.

I've been at the toughest schools in Montreal. Oh, wow. Look, I'm not going to leave. I will not leave you kids. You know, you can push me. I will push you back. How long before she left? A month.

Oh, boy. You know who they replaced her with? Just a cranky French teacher. He was exactly what we needed. Yeah. Yeah. Just a cranky french teacher he was he was uh exactly what we needed yeah yeah just a cranky guy i had a high school teacher blame me for his nervous breakdown really what'd you do i don't think anything i mean i was kind of like i was one of those kids where if you said something i'd be like actually oh this is the right yeah no i was a real piece of shit um but i don't think i was i I don't know, maybe I was that bad.

I doubt it. But I saw him years later, and he was like, yeah, I had to leave. I was like, oh, why? And he's like, you. He didn't say that. He did. I swear to God. Did he look worse for wear, like you had broken him?

Yeah, but I mean, I. Yeah, he did. I mean, yeah. No, he looked worse. he looked like a broken man. I don't think I broke him. I think he broke himself. Being a teacher, I don't... I, honest to God, I don't know how anybody does it.

First of all, I don't know why anybody does it. Oh, for the money. Oh, sure. For the money, the prestige. But I don't know why anybody does it. I don't know why anybody does it. I don't know how anybody does it. They are heroes. That sounds sarcastic, but I mean it.

No, it's true. If you're a teacher, you're incredible. Because I don't. I can see why you teach at a nervous breakdown. You're my hero. You're incredible. Fuck you, Nicole. I just think what you do is so important.

It's just so meaningful. You're changing lives. I am just like so proud of you. Every day I'm in awe of what you do. Oh my God. I want to be a teacher one day. Do you ever think about being a teacher ever? No.

Too early. Well, you've. I teach. You teach. Yeah, I teach, but I teach in a way that I teach at noon on a Sunday or at night. I don't ever have to wake up at 6 a.m. and be there for 50 hours a week. But you coached high school. So the idea of teaching is not foreign to your. like, you coached high school. So like,

the idea of teaching is not foreign to your. Yeah. It's just the hours and the structure, I think. Yeah. I'm a very

unstructured human being. What about summer's off though? Right? Yeah. What about summer's eve? Yeah. What about, what about that?

Oh my God. Summer's eve, my favorite porn story. Very, very tidy. Okay. Okay. Okay. All right. So you taught at a tough school.

Yeah. You're moving into a nice place. Are you living by yourself? You got a roomie? I've got roommates. She didn't say she was moving into a nice place. I am moving into a nice place, though you live by yourself? You got a roomie? I've got a roommate. She didn't say she was moving into a nice place. I am moving into a nice place, though. Well, she implied she was moving up.

Yeah. So I assumed. Oh, am I ever moving up? Was the old place bad? Oh, my God. I moved in with a friend. Lovely friend. Then she had a nervous breakdown.

Lovely friend who did not. I'm so happy you're my friend. You're a lovely friend I wish I could be you you make me want to be a better person no he's great but he didn't really warn me

that the house we were moving into wasn't and I moved in he's like it's on fire it's made of carpets. One of the first things he said was,

I told you about the electrical, right? What do you mean? There isn't any. We didn't have lights. What? You could use some of the outlets, but the lights wouldn't work. So you just plugged lamps in? Yeah, except

those barely worked. except those barely worked. So what, after 6 p.m. it was just dark time? It was dark. Bedtime. At one point we had a floodlight in our living room because that was the only light that was around. And this was winter in Toronto? Yeah. Yeah.

So that wasn't it, though. What else? in toronto yeah yeah um so that wasn't it though uh the roof needed to be replaced and it started leaking and there was a tiny crack in my bedroom that turned into uh like a four or five foot long crack okay and then my bedroom flooded every time it rained and then the ceiling fell in what like the whole ceiling? Or just a big chunk of ceiling? Like a four by two chunk of my ceiling fell in. And that day you didn't say,

you know what? I'm out. Was your roommate an imaginary guy named Tyler Durden? No. Like you've never asked your friend about your buddy Tyler? No. Okay,'ve never asked your friend about your buddy Tyler? No.

Okay, by that point. Every few weeks we would make a batch of soap and that would get us through. By the time the ceiling fell in, I had already decided I was moving. And I told the landlord, I was like, if you don't fix these things, I'm leaving without paying rent. I don't care. He literally, I told him care. He literally on, I told him this and he was like, okay,

it's like, you're just fine with that. And he's like, well, you know, and that was his response. you've seen the place I keep. I'm crazy.

So after the ceiling fell in, uh, we realized we kind of knew this, but it was confirmed that there were raccoons living in the ceiling. Well, why didn't they help so finally both sides of the neighbors like both neighbors on on either side called the city and complained about the house so uh the landlord finally fixed the roof but he chose the cheapest

roofers and i was home they had they roofed on my balcony like from my balcony and i heard i heard there were four of them and three of them were like we're going to tim hortons and the one guy that was left was like okay if this fucking raccoon isn't out by the time you're back i'm just sealing him in and then he did he sealed the last of the family of raccoons that hadn't run out in my ceiling. And that night I heard the raccoon scream. I like honestly, like just like shrieking and it, it was desperately clawing and I could hear it all night and then it stopped and I thought it had gone to sleep.

But no, no, it tore its way out of the roof onto my balcony, creating another hole. And did the guy also say, hey, when you're at Tim Hortons, get some extra cup holders because that's what we're fixing to work with? Nobody asked for an ice cap.

I deserve it. And then he kept saying, I don't want to be here today. You know those days. Have one of those days. I'm feeling personal. Tell me about it, Jack. Angry inside. Oh, man.

Anyway, so yes, I am. Stress leave. I am moving to a way nicer place. And I am moving in with somebody who might have been on the show with Chris Wilson. Yeah. Yeah, Will Stogg. Will Stogg from Will Stogg Radio. Not in a romantic way, don't worry.

Right, sure. You're not down with his pee-pee. I don't have that ability. Every boyfriend you've had, breakdown. It's been stress leave. Tyler Durden yeah oh is this guy

moving out as well or is he staying the course no everyone's moving out there were three of us there were three of us everyone's moving out

wow yeah even the raccoons I think they're gone actually why they've never had it so good high in out privileges um

sure they just need to show a hand stamp careful when you're washing your food Without privileges? Sure, they just need to show a hand stamp. Careful when you're washing your food. You guys have seen that video of the raccoon washing cotton candy? Yeah. No. Because it disappears and he doesn't know what's going on.

We talked about it on this very show. Did we? It's a real prank. It is. It's a real prank on us. It's a real nature prank. I don't listen to you guys. No, no.

Why? I'm kidding. You should have known. I'm kidding. I do listen sometimes. Look, as long as you download, we get the numbers. Yeah. Moving up.

So, moving up. Is this a place that is already occupied? You already know that it's going to be a good place? Are you moving into this place together? We're moving. There's more of us. It's actually a four-floor house, and there's five of us. Ooh.

A little circus. This is really Fight Club. Like, now there's more people here starting your project mayhem. Okay. These are boy references. I got the soap part. I got the burden part. It's the girl equivalent of Fight Club.

Oh. The craft. The Devil Wears Prada. No, yeah, the craft. Yeah, the craft. Totally. Craft. There is, yeah.

Hocking someone's head. Light as a feather, straight as a board. There you go. See? Craft reference. Do they lift each other up? It's stiff as a board. There you go. See? Crap reference. Do they lift each other up? It's stiff as a board. Yeah, they lift each other.

Okay, I haven't seen it. Oh. I'm on a streak of not seeing Frieza bulk movies. You haven't seen any? It's not true. I saw Island of Dr. Moreau. Yeah. I saw Return to Oz.

Sounds like you've seen all of them except for the crack. I saw The Waterboy. She's in that. Is she in Empire Records or is it somebody else? Liv Tyler? No, Liv Tyler's in it. Robin Tunney? And that blonde one, but there's another one.

Renee Zellweger? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Is that Renee Zellweger? Mm-hmm. Wow. A young Renee Zellweger. Oh, that's the female Fight Club.

Vampire Records. Great. Dave, what's going on with you, man? Okay, guys. Let's get down to it. Now, my dog, his entire life, little dog named Grandpa. He's 11 now. Yeah.

So he's a man. Oh, yeah. He's fully a man. His entire life, he's a man. Oh yeah. He's fully a man. His entire life he's been like angry about cats. And he's

like if you say the word kitty his ears go up and he's like and anything's a kitty. Mostly cats are kitties. But like squirrels are kitties. Raccoons are kitties. He'll chase them. Will he chase a raccoon? Yeah.

Oh, wow. Unless it stands up and then he'll say, oh, no, wait a minute. You know what? I left something over here. I got. But and he's been beaten up by cats. Sure. A couple of times. Yeah.

But mostly he chases the cat and the cat runs away uh occasionally a cat will stand its ground and just stand there and he'll just bark at it uh but a new thing that's happening now that he's uh getting older is he will just um pretend he doesn't see the cat ah that's good like you can tell that he knows a cat's there and he'll start and then i'll just be like you know what i'm letting you off easy yeah yeah you're lucky yeah yeah you're lucky all right well uh don't let it happen again and uh so forth yeah um and so uh but the uh that's been going on for like the last, maybe since spring. He's just been sort of tolerating cats and pretending they're not there.

And now the cats have gotten the hint and they've started moving in. And now there's just cats in the yard at all times. All times? Pretty much. And now it's gotten to the point where in in the last few days a cat named steve came into the house oh really like it's been if we have the back door closed sometimes i'll leave for work in the morning and steve will just be like sitting waiting waiting for someone to open the door and i've got to like put like position myself in such a way that he doesn't slip past me into the house.

Like grandpa, do something about this. He's like, what cat? Yeah. Um, and you've never heard of him. And we have this sort of little baby gate that we sometimes put up on,

on nice days. I remember that scandal. Yeah. Baby gate. Yeah. Huge. Go on. Nicole gave me a very withering stare.

I can see why that teacher went insane. Yeah, so now Steve is here every day. And then... Does he jump over the baby gate? He will jump up onto the baby gate and just balance there. And then the other day he jumped off of it into the house.

Wow. And I had to shoo him out and Abby wouldn't do anything about it. Abby thought it was great. Whoa, we have a cat now. Our family keeps growing. Steve, he has a little. A collar.

A collar with a. I was wondering how you knew. A fish shaped name tag that says, hello, my name is Steve, which is very friendly and outgoing. Yeah. Yeah. I assume it's a Jesus fish. Yeah. Have you heard the good news?

My name is Steve. Is your life missing something? A cat? Oh, he's nice, yeah. But Graham's allergic. We can't have a cat in the house. Oh, nice. I'm already pushing it with this dog.

And this is Grandpa's territory. But do you think Grandpa, like, is it that he wants a new, he's branching out in his golden years? No, he's just like, I've always wanted to be friends with a cat. I think he secretly does want to be friends with a cat, yeah. Yeah. He could deal with it. Although if ever, like, there's a cat that will put up with the fact that he's barking right in their face,

and we, like, Abby or myself will go and we'll crouch down next to it and pet it in front of Grandpa, he loses his mind. He's like, this is, everything's out of order. He's like, this is, everything's out of order. So is this a cat like Alicia Tobin's cat situation that wants to be fed? No. Or just wants to hang out? It's got loving owners. It's got that collar.

If it's got a collar, you're fine. Yeah. But now it just wants to hang. The next day after that happened, it came back with a friend cat. No. It was like, hey, these people are cool with cats so they were both like sitting in a tree together k-a-s-s-i-n-g and uh grandpa pretending not to see them unless like sometimes i'll point them out to him and

i'll be like yes oh of course woo woof. Just really going through the motions. Yeah, oh boy, not these jerks again. Poor old man. Yeah. I don't think he's bothered by it. Yeah, I think he's probably relieved that he can... Yeah, he can relax. Yeah. You know, because that's like, people mellow, right? And dogs as well.

You've mellowed? Oh, I've mellowed over the years. When were you not mellow? None of your fucking business. That's when. This cat still has claws. No, I used to be pretty feisty. What do you mean? I was told by my high school teachers that I had to take anger management classes.

Did you actually take anger management classes? Fuck no. Fuck you actually take anger management classes? Fuck no. Fuck you. Fuck everything. Get the fuck out of here. I sound so dumb. I thought AMC. This is for anger management classes.

Anger management classes is just soft old movies. No, that's TCM. No. Trish Komak. Is it? Oh, no. is just soft old movies no that's tcm no is it um no uh turn of classic movies is more soft old movies amc's got madman it's got breaking bad well it's got nothing now yeah i guess i've never seen more than one episode of either of those shows uh well yeah because you've made a lot of time for halt and and Catch Fire You're a real What's another one of the shows that they had on their channel

Low Winter Sun Yeah you're a real Rubicon Rubicon fan More of a Rubicon fan You're a real comic book man person Is Rubicon about war history I don't know what it's about It was about being cancelled

What do you watch? What's your What's your Cause she's right If you're not into If you Like If Fight Club is too mannish

For you I think Breaking Bad is a real That's a real dude fest Yeah Yeah I've watched the one with The guest star was a really good actor

It was when he had that guy Trapped in his house Bruno Mars. With a broken plate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That actor was really good. I just find it very, you know what, that's not fair.

I've seen, I think I've seen three episodes of Breaking Bad. And I think it was just too dramatic too quickly. So what do you like? What do you watch? She likes a slow burn. Yeah. Do I like it?

Fellas. Oh boy. What do you watch? What's a television series that Yeah. Do I like it? Fellas. Oh, boy. What do you watch? What's a television series that you've batch watched? Yeah, don't get too dramatic too quickly. Ooh, that I've back watched, did you say? Just think about baseball. What?

What did you say? Batch watched. Oh, batch watched. Binge watched. I call it batch watched. Batch. Let's see. In the last year, review.

Rick and Morty. Yeah. Futurama. Arrested Development. So comedies. Happy Endings. No dramas? I think I like The Good Wife.

Our American listeners are going to hate your pronunciation this week. Drama? Drama. No, I've been saying drama. I know, but it's drama. It's drama. It's drama. Is it drama mean? It's drama. Is it drama mean?

It's drama. Is it drama mean? Drama mean is a drug. That's different. Spelled the same. It's dramatic. Shit, I just,

okay, I don't know. I say drama. Fair. You're trying to appeal to an international market. I don't really, I don't really watch dramas.

I'm sorry. Well, except for The Good Wife. Yeah, but even then. Which you don't sound very committed to. I don't know watch dramas. I'm sorry. Well, except for The Good Wife. Yeah. Which you don't sound very committed to. I don't know. There seems to be a late push by young women to start watching The Good Wife. I've noticed a lot of the people I follow on Twitter are like,

hey, I'm really getting into The Good Wife in 2015. I hope Josh Charles doesn't die. I have a lot of people on Twitter that I follow are all watching Gilmore Girls for some reason. Oh, it's popular in Toronto, too. There's like an improvised Gilmore Girls show. So is there something, oh, is that why? Is there like something?

No, I don't, I think. Because that's an old show. Yeah, what channel was it on? The WB or something It was probably CW WB whatever I watched it When it was on

I wouldn't rewatch it Everybody is I personally wouldn't If I wanted Is it It's not a comedy But it's not Oh it's meant

To be a comedy Is it No Really No I mean I guess not It's not like a sitcom It's like Ally McBeal

There yeah It's hour long Yeah It's like Ally McBeal. Yeah. It's hour long? Yeah. It's an hour long and there are jokes written into it. There's just so much chatter. But there's dramatic stories. There's chatter pusses. That's all it is.

It's just women talking to each other. That was the original title. Yeah, chatter. Working title. Chatter pusses. You done with OPC? Other people's chatter pusses? Yeah, I wouldn't rewatch it.

But people are crazy for Friends again, too. Well, that's because it just, like, is on Netflix. So that I understand. But Gilmore Girls is... But that was, like, eight months ago. Yeah, some people are disappointed in how slow they are on the old Friends uptake. But then there's some... In London, there's, like, a giant thing called Friends Fest.

That's, like... I don't know what it is. I didn't read up on it. But I know there's some in London. There's like a giant thing called Friends Fest. That's like, I don't know what it is. I didn't read up on it, but I know there's a thing. They love the few episodes that were in London. I'm sure that Gunther is there. He makes everybody that shows up a coffee. Let me put on a bright green shirt. Gunther. Was that?

Is that your fan fiction? Was that ever in the show? Gunther. No. It's weird. How many times was his name mentioned in the entire run of Friends?

A lot. Really? Gunther? Yeah. Because they always say like, hey, Gunther, can I ask you a question? Or you should date Gunther. There's a bunch. Oh, yeah.

I guess you're right. No one ever says you should date Gunther. Right. They do say his name. Yeah. Often they would go, Gunther. He would drop a huge thing of coffee. Gunther. He was like the Urkel of the show.

It was like it only really got popular in season three when Gunther joined the cast. Urkel. Oh, boy. Yeah, I think I've told that the only reason that he, because he was the only guy who knew how to use the coffee machine. What? He was an extra on use the coffee machine. What? He was an extra on the first season. No, really?

They were like, does anybody here know how to make this have steam come out of it? And he was like, I don't know. What a lucky guy. I guess. I mean, right place, right time. Compared to those other extras. Oh, some of those other extras went on to do great things. Yeah, because they weren't stuck at that coffee job.

Yeah, but you know Gunther was never going to get stuck anywhere else. What do you mean? You think Gunther had a career ahead of him? Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. He could have been... In what? Modeling green shirts?

Gunther. You're right. Coming down the runway is Gunther. Do they do that at fashion shows? No, I don't know. Coming up next. I don't know. From Friends,

Gunther. Very Honda season. Bright green shirt. It's very blousy. Gunther. Well, if you're the play-by-play at the runway show,

I think that would be a good Halloween costume. Gunther? Yeah. Bleach your hair. Yeah. Put on a blousy green shirt. Gunther? Yeah. Bleach your hair. Yeah. Put on a blousy green shirt. Yeah.

And your apron. And your apron. And have a picture of Rachel. Yeah, I was going to say the same. Carry around a picture of Rachel. Why didn't, did he love Rachel? He was in love with Rachel, yeah. But did he have a picture of her?

But, you know, that's how you know for sure that it's Gunther. He's got a locket. He's got half a locket. Half a locket? Well, I guess a locket? Half a locket? I guess I got those two kinds of necklaces mixed up. The half a heart and the locket. I broke this locket.

I want you to have this other chunk, Rachel. Okay. Graham, what's going on with you? What are you batch watching? What am I batch watching?

I guess I'm I'm just trying to finish off True Detective The second season of I never I didn't finish it Because It was not enjoyable

The second season Yeah But the first one you liked But I'm only That's when I started watching Fargo. Like. You were like, I need something else.

Yeah. I was like, oh, this is enjoyable. And there's like a plot and stuff. Yeah. This man. Oh man.

I like, I don't know whenever you stop watching it, but they keep referring to characters that I have no idea. Yeah. We got to get to Delvecchio. Yeah. Deadweiler was here. What?

Who? And they are characters that were only referenced very briefly. The Mexicans. The Russians. Anyways, we've got one more

episode to go. Oh, that's when I stopped. Oh, really? Yeah. Just before the very last? Yeah,

because it was an hour and a half and I was like, ugh. I know. It's like a movie. I'm working up to it. Yeah,

yeah, yeah. You have to brace yourself for a TV show. You shouldn't watch it. I didn't. I know. It's like a movie. I'm working up to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to brace yourself for a TV show. You shouldn't watch it. I didn't. I stopped it. But I like to, you know. Susan Powder did.

No, you know what? I do understand that. I've only ever walked out of one movie. Which was? Oh, some terrible art film. It was 20 minutes of like a phone ringing and a woman on a couch staring at the phone. With Sasha Gray in it? I walked out of, what did I walk out of?

Jerry Maguire. I hated it so much. Really? Who's leaving with me? Exactly. I'm going to go start my own movie. Is that from Jerry Maguire? Yeah.

Have you ever seen a movie? I saw that Gunther movie. Oh, my God. About the great coffee spill of 2001. I'll tell you what I've never done is I've never walked out of a movie. Never? No. I wanted to with Sucker Punch.

Oh, yeah. That was a very... Never seen it. Thank you. Have you seen a movie? Oh, make. That was a very... Never seen it, but that's one. What are you everything in a movie? Oh, making fun of me. Are we, Dave? We're trying. Oh, Dave's so good at voices.

I wish I could do your voices, Dave. But we're doing this in a movie. I'm in. Now, you kids. You don't stop stop we're not going to Disney World the thing I'm doing now

is falling asleep at 9 o'clock at night and so I'm really looking forward to the point where I can

fall asleep in a movie theater oh I've done that before I've never done that I've done it not once not twice three times

what movies all three of the Lord of the Rings movies I fell asleep during I've never done that. I've done it. I've never done that. Not once, not twice, three times. What movies? All three of the Lord of the Rings movies. I fell asleep during all three. Almost at the exact same point. Kind of like 45 minutes in. Like they have the same point. Almost at the exact same point. I mean, the Lord of the Rings and the fire.

But yeah, there was a lot of just walking around scenes in those movies i guess there's a bit of walking in those movies yeah well if you read the books too which then you'll really did years ago there's a lot of walking yeah i tried a lot of travel i tried with it i can't and i won't have you ever seen them in full no well i've tried i tried all three and fell asleep during all three so how like would you wake up at the very end? Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah.

I remember that whichever one has the walking trees in it. Oh, even the trees are walking in these goddamn movies. There was a point where I, in my head, I was like, we just got to stay awake until the walking trees and the waking up at the end. Oh,

the trees walk like that was a highlight well it's there hadn't been one for the first one I couldn't tell you what was fun about

this movie I sat through all nine hours or whatever wow yeah I've watched the extended versions really

why did they extend them I don't know there's just like all the scenes that they cut because it was too long

because it was too much it's boring oh that's what something I watched I don't know There's just like All the scenes that they cut Because it was too long Because it was too Too much It's boring Oh that's what Something I watched The other night Was all the outtakes

From Jackass 2 So they made Another movie Jackass 2.5 I can't tell What this Sound she just made Is that excitement

Or I love Jackass Have you Have you watched Jackass 2.5 Unabashedly Yes I have And I unabashedly Love Jackass And Jackass. Have you watched Jackass 2.5? Unabashedly, yes, I have. And I unabashedly love Jackass.

And Jackass 3D is one of my favorite movies ever. The thing that my favorite part, I haven't finished watching it. I just started watching it last night. Is they're doing a thing where they're sneaking up behind each other and putting a clamp on the back fat of people's arms, right? And the best reaction is there's a guy that's painted to look like a gorilla. Painted? Yeah, with house paint. And they put a clamp on the back, and that's it.

That's when he's had enough. They made him dress up like a gorilla and stand on an outhouse, and then they hit him with remote-control airplanes. But that was his breaking point. He's like, that's enough. I'm leaving. I do laugh so hard at the description. But with those movies

I can't like 90% of them the stuff is so great and like what an original thing but then that 10% of just like

oh that guy's gonna barf or yeah yeah yeah I can't do it some of it is really stupid but some of it is cool they should make a version

for me but they would do a prank version for me. That's all. It's all. Guys, it's all for the pranks. Yeah, that was the greatest thing because they had interviews with everybody, and everybody was unanimous in that, yeah, sometimes we just got to lay off the pranks because it's just they're,

like, pranking on camera, off camera. Everybody's pranking everybody all the time. They're all like, oh, we signed a contract to do another movie. And then they're suddenly paranoid at all times. That snake prank is terrifying. Which one is that? I think it's Bam Margera. He's terrified of snakes, like the brunette guy.

Why would he tell this group of guys? I don't know. Hey, Steve-O, I have something I want to confide to you. They set up one of those. Hey, wee man. I can trust you, right? They set up one of those traps where you just fall through. And he fell into a pit of snakes.

And there were hundreds, hundreds of snakes and like three quarters of them were fake. And then the other 25% were real. So it's just him screaming and crying, hanging onto the edge of a pit over snakes. And no one is helping him. It's not a prank. Does anyone show up? Does anyone show up to at least laugh at him? Eventually they help him out, but he

screams and then sometimes he's like, ha ha guys, ha ha. Let me out of here. Ha ha. You got me. Good one, guys. Oh, I feel so bad for him. Oh, Pam. Trust me, guys. Oh, I feel so bad for him. Oh, Pam. Nah.

Trust me. This is the best case scenario that he got hooked up with this game. How long ago was the third one? A few years. Yeah, a few years. So they're probably, like if they do a fourth one, they're going to be near 50. Yeah, well, they did Bad Grandpa. Oh, yeah.

Bad Grandpa had its moments. I couldn't. Yeah, I didn't. i didn't really watch it i saw some clips where he gets launched through the window is the one of the funniest things of that year that one i felt bad for all the people around who didn't sign up for this yeah that's true it was more more pranky on the public pranky brewy Brewster. Yeah. Did you know Johnny Knoxville was asked to be on Saturday Night Live? Oh, not as a host. As a regular full-time cast member.

Before Jack? Like right as Jackass was starting, I guess he auditioned and he was asked and he said no. Yeah. Same with Jennifer Aniston. She said no? She said no because she got a role on Friends. Oh, because she had a role on Friends. Oh, because she had been on, what was it called?

The Edge? Office Space? The Edge. It was before that too? It was a. Was that like a sketch show? No, Office Space was after Friends. Or at least mid-Friends. All right, whatever.

Yeah. The Edge? Yeah, it was a. Sketch show. Sketch show with like Wayne Knight was in it. At the end of every episode, the whole cast got murdered. Yeah. Tom Kenny, I think, was in it.

Yeah, actually. That was the gimmick. At the end of every episode, the whole cast dies in a fire or their heads all get chopped off. It was really weird. It was a weird show. It was a different time. Have we gotten to know you? Or did you just say, I watch.

No, we just talked about movies. You said what am I batch watching? I just said something. Let's get to know you. I, last night, I went to got a gift for Christmas, I think. Tickets to go see Weird Al Yankovic.

The tickets were on sale nine months ago? Yeah, I think so. I don't know. Maybe. Anyways, they were a gift. And so I went, and so I took Weird Al Yankovic superfan Paul Anthony. Thanks for offering the ticket to me.

Would you have gone? Yes. Oh, well, I didn't even think of it. Clearly. Yeah, sorry. Are you guys okay? Yeah, we're going to be. Yeah, we'll I didn't even think of it. Clearly. Yeah, sorry. Are you guys okay? Yeah, we're going to be. Yeah, we'll get through this.

Okay. And it was the best concert. What was the highlight? What happened? Well, the highlight came right at the beginning. We were standing in the lobby, and Weird Al Yankovic was singing backstage. He was being filmed. And then one of the roadie guys is like, he's going to be coming right

through here. So just stand here for a second. So we're the only two in the lobby. And then Weird Al came out and was singing. And Paul Anthony filmed himself with him. And so that was the highlight. Very early on. But man, what a show. This guy.

30 years or something. And he's like every summer he does these um he does like county fairs or whatever right which is what everyone does sure uh like i feel like it's in the winter people will tour casinos and then summer they do the county fairs but now he's doing like theaters like he's even get his venues are getting bigger as he's. I know. Yeah. And it's weird because there's,

uh, people that were fans of him when they were a kid are now adults and have their kids there. So. No fan of his has ever had sex. No, that's, see,

you're wrong. It's the dawning of the nerds. Yeah. I did notice there was notice there's no resemblance. Oh, what? That's what happens with adopted kids. They don't end up resembling the parents that adopt them. Oh, I just thought you meant anyone who likes Weird Al gets cheated on. Well, that's somebody's projecting.

It took it. Yeah. It took it real dark. Anyway, so, like, I don't know. It's just the bet. He does, like, costume change for every song. Oh, man. And, you know, all the hits.

Every, all the famous ones he's ever done. Jurassic Park. Oh, yeah. Not Jurassic Park. Yes. That was the one he didn't do. Yeah. I was kind of missing that one. But he did Amish

Paradise. He did Yoda. Did he do Dare to be Stupid? Yep. Did he do Nacho Grande? Yeah. Taco Grande. Although he did a great unplugged melody of all his 80s melodies.

What did I say? Melody? Still valid. He's got that medley one. What's the difference between a merry melody and a loony tune? Not nothing. Taxes. Okay. Once you made a certain amount, you were a loony tune.

I love that. You were a merry melody. Taxes or taxes? Taxes. Go back, listener. Did he say taxes or did he say... There's no way. It was taxes. but below that you were Mary Melody Texas or taxes? Taxes go back listener did he say Texas or did he say there's no way it was taxes taxes all the way

anyway so it was great it was hilarious and you know like any other any band

that's thinking of being a band see that show and then try and do 10% as good as a show as that. Sure. Do some spoofs.

Do some spoofs, do some goofs, do some costume changes. Yeah, it was great. Do you think there's a chance, I guess everyone does spoof songs now, but not like people who write their own serious songs. But YouTube has made it so anyone there's like you know probably 50 versions 50 spoof versions of oh and a popular song yeah but that's what we were talking about last night is why was there never any other famous parody guy yeah because there was never even like uh a guy who's like the poor man's weirdo. Yeah.

Like it's always been like Weird Al is the guy who does that, that everyone knows and then nobody else. Sometimes like, you know, local DJs will do twisted tunes. Yeah. And the show that kind of he got a start on, Dr. Demento, used to play tons of song parodies, but I don't know who they were by. And nobody seems to know who they were by. Do you think it's because he's like a secret

super cutthroat businessman? I thought you were going to say, do you think it's because he's part of the Illuminati? Yeah, maybe. He has people's thumbs broken. I just... He's really good at it, but do you think it's one of those categories

where it's like, yeah, we just need one guy to be the song parody person? I've never thought of that. Right? Nobody else. Like, he's. Because there's, like, the Lonely Island and other people who do. Like, funny songs. Funny, yeah, but.

But, like, he's, like, the last word in song parody. That's so strange. It is weird. the last word in song parody that's so strange it is weird like it would be like if saturday night live was the only sketch show that ever like nobody took a run at them yeah but yeah it's like uh yeah so and will he just be doing this until do you remember when friends came out and then like the next year there was like amigos and buddies and pals yeah and then also like kind of the opposite would be like the single guy and dating and no friends no friends on the cw no friends allowed i don't know i feel really unsettled by the fact that

you've brought this up there's? There's no other competitor. Yeah. And never has been. And I can't think of it because there's like Sean Cullen who writes funny songs. Oh, yeah. Corky and the Juice. Doesn't do. Yeah.

Flight of the Conchords. Flight of the Conchords. Yeah. So there's like. There's plenty of them. There's plenty of humor songs. Graham and I were in a two-man humor band. Yeah.

Were you? What was it called? Jack and the Wiz. Yeah. We have one song. Want to sing it on three? One, two, three, four. We got invited to an orgy. We got invited to an O-R-G-Y.

We got invited to an orgy. But nobody else showed up. Da-da- up. Pretty good. Yay. Wow. You're petrified now. I'm very blown away.

I won't say that a lot. This voice. The voice that launched a thousand stress leaves. We weren't really We just We came up with that As like Graham said

Hey if we start a Musical Comedy musical duo I guarantee We'll be invited To Just for Laughs This year Yeah

Because it was so Do it Just start it There's no other competitor Be the weird Al Oh yeah Oh yeah, sure. I guess we could.

I mean, there's Weird Al karaoke now. Have you ever done that? I've done it once here in Vancouver. What was your jam? I did it to Fine Young Cannibals, She Drives Me Crazy. And my song was

I'm Patrick Swayze. There you song was I'm Patrick Swayze. Yes, I was there. There you go. I'm Patrick Swayze and now I am a ghost. Just with Patrick Swayze dying. That was really good, Nicole. Yes. You're really talented.

That was really good. Shut up. Obama, I love you. Is that one of your words, girls? Obama, I care. Maybe this is why there's nobody else that's taking the spot. Give me another. Not as easy as it looks.

Give me another. Give me another. Give me another what? Another song? Give me a song and I'll parody it. Oh, okay. All right. OPP.

I'm the next Weird Al. Go. Go. OPP. You down with TLC? Yeah, it's shitty. The channel? We're the band.

Weird Al doesn't swear. Oh, no. Yeah, fun for all ages. All right. Okay, I'm done. Okay, good. Yeah, I for all ages. All right. Okay, I'm done. Okay, good. Yeah, I think we're all done. I think we're all done with me doing this.

But anyways, Weird Al, it's great. Keep it up. Another generation of fans. If he does it for 50 years, that'll be fantastic. And then that'll be the end of Song Fairy. He might. Because there's nobody else. If he does it for 50 years, like you just give it

him this challenge? I said it for like 30 odd, but it's not fantastic now? Oh, it's absolutely fantastic. Well then why does he have to keep doing it? Just, you know, wow me. Why you? I don't know. Why not me? Why him? Why anything?

You didn't even pay for your tickets, they were a gift. He doesn't know why not me why him why anything you didn't even pay for your tickets they were a gift he doesn't know that uh do you want to move on to overheards i suppose all right welcome to oh no ross and carrie ross hi carrie what do you think is creepier okay you jump into a swimming pool all of a sudden the water goes and instead of water, there is the bones of your dead ancestors. Ew. Or our show. That's pretty tough because we visited a live exorcism. We joined the Ordo Templi

Orientis, where we had to worship a naked lady. Oh, and we joined that Tony Alamo cult. They were scary. Super creepy. We joined the Aethery Society. We tried penis enlargement, or at least I did. Oh, boy. I tried breast enlargement. We have basically done every creepy, weird, fringe thing, except for thousands more, which we will get to if you listen to our show.

I'd still say the swimming pool with my ancestors' bones. Well, then I don't even know if people should listen. I guess they shouldn't. But if you want to, we're at Maximum Fun, and the show's called I Know Ross and Carrie. I'm Jesse Thorne. I'm Jordan Morris. The federal government has millions of dollars in programs and opportunities that you need to seize today. You're a taxpayer, right? Well, then you've got it coming.

Thanks to Uncle Sam, you can get a pamphlet on Grant programs for sinuous youngsters Arts and crafts from a simpler time. Gingham, it's history and applications. Pleasure your wife. Yeah, that's the one I'm talking about. Swim dancing? Super revenge.

Arnie Duncan teaches you to slam dunk. For all of this and more, drop us a line. Jordan, Jesse, go. 123 iTunes Street or wherever you download podcasts um now it is time for overheards right yeah okay uh we always like to start with the guest great uh nicole lead the way if you would yeah sure um I mean, I never have any, but. Strong start. Here we go.

This one happened while I was day drunk in Toronto. So I was walking down Bloor. Let's say. I like how your body language was like, I'm making up a street I was on. I'm pretty sure it was Bloor. Who can remember when they're day drunk? Yeah, what does it matter? All the streets are an avenue for fun.

When you're day drunk. Isn't that Toronto's on their crest? All the streets are an avenue for fun. Okay, we need a slogan and there's no bad ideas. Go. The streets are mostly... The buildings are a brick of memories. Kind of an ugly city, if you ask me.

That is true. I mean, the one thing I will agree with you about the beauty of this city compared to there, I cannot find my way around it. Like, I don't have a, like, there's no big. I'm so used to the mountains. Yeah, exactly. And everyone talks about the CN Tower being a way to figure out where you are. No, no.

It moves around. It moves. It's dependent on where you are. I agree completely. The mountains are always. Canada's only giant moving monument. No, you know what I mean. It's built on rail.

Yeah. Because people are like, oh, the CN Tower is always south. Unless you're south of it. Well, not if you're on the other side of it. But if you're on the other side of it, aren't you in a boat on the water? There's still a little bit of it. Yeah, or you can be west or east of it. I don't know.

Yeah, that's true. That's true. And you can't always see it. Anyway. Yeah, or you can be west or east of it. I don't know. That's true. That's true. And you can't always see it. Anyway. So, day drunk on blur. Day drunk on blur in Toronto. A lot of unblur. You know how you talk to a kid to get them to be more polite?

Oh, okay. And you say, I wasn't. A mother was speaking to her child who was a little bit upset. And she said, what do we say which is what you say to a kid when you want them to say please or thank you or whatever so the classic like come on be polite and what do we say and the kid uh exactly as you would respond said tim hortons oh yeah wait i forgot the question. I have no idea.

She seemed satisfied with the answer, the mom. And then I laughed to myself and kept walking. Because every street is an avenue for fun. What do you say when your dad asks if mom's seeing anybody? Tim Hortons. Tim Hortons. You really make Toronto out to be a one-note culture.

The workmen who are like, well, we're going to Tim Hortons now. The children who only know the one word. No, it's a rich tapestry. And every street is an avenue for fun. I will say that Toronto is the only city that I've ever been to where there are consistently lineups out the door of Tim Hortons.

It is very popular in Ontario. Yeah. But like even at the, when I was flying, we had to stop for two hours in Toronto to go to Edinburgh. And like, yeah, I stood in line for half an hour at a Tim Hortons in an airport. Well, in an airport, they really got you. Yeah, that's true. It was the only thing going, I guess. Well, you're a vegetarian and they have a lot of kebab.

Yeah, they have a lot of good veggie kebabs. No, no, I mean, they don't. That's why you had to go to Tim Hortons. They good veggie kebabs. No, no, I mean, they don't. That's why you had to go to Tim Hortons. They don't make kebabs at airports. That's a weapon. I know. After you've gone through security.

I know. Well, anything in a kitchen can be a weapon. Not a frying pan. Oh, wait. Yeah. Not a set of knives. What the? We're good.

Dave, do you have an over? Mine's an overseen. This comes from about a month ago. I talked about it last week on the show. When I went to Gabriela Island with Abby and Alicia and Margo and Grandpa. And Steve the Cat. Steve the Cat wasn't in our lives yet. And we went, it was like the baby wouldn't go down for a nap. And so we were like, well, maybe we'll just go for a drive and she'll all sleep in the car.

Or we wanted to go somewhere in the car. Anyway, we were driving. Yeah. And so just on the side, it's like a rural place. There's no sidewalks there is uh so if people are walking next to the street they're like basically in a ditch or they're walking on the street and so if someone if a car comes someone has to step out off the road and i saw this woman from far away as we were approaching her carrying a giant painting and then as she stepped off the road she kind of

turned her body a bit and i saw the painting and it was like this big painting like i would say four feet by four feet carrying it with uh sort of a cartoonish looking horse like the painting was yeah of a horse but like just like a kind of a funky horse, not like a realistic horse. Right. From behind with a pink vagina. Just like a brown horse with these, this shining pink horse vagina. This person walks around with this painting, hoping that somebody gets catapulted through it. And their face goes, right?

Ends up where the vagina is. That's what they're hoping for. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a concept piece. Oh, wow. Oh, the painting's only the first part. I like to think

that that's like a picture of Dorian Gray style situation going on. So, wait a second. Wait a minute. There's a horse somewhere with a young vagina? Or a tiny vagina.

Yeah, or a different color. All three. The vagina in this horse painting is getting bigger and bigger. I wouldn't know anything about that. Would I know anything about that? Nay. That's the one animal sound I do.

I was doing a pig earlier. I was doing a pig. This is what it sounds like. Also, I do a really terrible dolphin, but the pig is. I can do that. I can do the sound. That was good. The sound of a cat vomiting.

Come on. Right before they throw up. Okay. Fast forward 30 seconds, listener, but she's going to do it now. Oh, you want to? Okay. Okay, fast forward 30 seconds, listener, but she's going to do it now. Oh, you want to? Okay. Whenever a cat's about to vomit, they make that cry and they go, so I can do that.

And then I can do a baby cry. Pretty good at that. I think we've do a baby cry. Pretty good at that. I think we've heard the baby cry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's fine. No, come on. Come on.

Come on. All right. I'm just swallowing my spit first, right? It's real gross. Sure, fine. And then you can do the part where they take a bottle and you go. Yeah. Yeah.

Classic. But you were bragging about this dolphin. Oh, no, it's a bad one. Let's hear it. I can't do it kill me is that part of the impression the last part kill me

all of these people are trying to swim with me dolphins love it though they try and hump the people they're having the best time not to derail this but somebody told me about I love it, though. They try and hump the people. Oh, my God. They're having the best time. The best of times. Not to derail this, but somebody told me about a pack of dolphins that have been pulling animals under and raping them. Yeah.

What the fuck? What animal? Humans. I guess humans technically are an animal. Seals, humans. The same pack of dolphins? Yeah, apparently it's like, because dolphins have like a social structure as most animals do. They got to split up that pod.

Bad influences on each other. There's a rogue pack that have been using their prehensile penises to grab people and pull them down. Wait, wait a minute. What's prehensile? They've been using their penises to grab them and pull them down? Yeah, like a penis that sort of moves like a snake. Don't tell Bam Margera.

He was having fun with us until... No, and apparently they've discovered underwater caves with the skeletons of animals that they're pretty sure dolphins have been raping. You know what? When it comes to dolphins raping humans, we had it coming. We've been treating them like shit for a long time. That's true.

So we had it coming. Good point. You know? Yeah. Cheers. Yeah, right? Fuck you, humans. This is a very popular podcast Your marine lands Your sea worlds

Oh yeah they play it for the They put it on a pregnant dolphins belly And have them listen to it Do you ever do any animal sounds? Nope I do not Wait do I? No

Okay No wait maybe I What was that? Is that an animal? I do not. Wait, do I? No. Okay. No, wait, maybe I... What was that? Is that an animal? Is that some sort of animal? Yeah, it was like a dog. Yeah.

All right, so I can do a dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Thanks, man. Your baby voice. Abby does a... We have a baby, she and I. And after the baby goes to sleep,

we have a monitor on. And then sometimes Abby will just look up videos on her mom groups online. People will post videos of a funny baby. And then I'll hear baby noises and I will bolt out of bed thinking that it's coming out of the monitor. You're a dad on the go.

You're ready to just hop out of bed and do some parenting. Do some nursing. Good for you. My overheard comes courtesy of going to see a- Oh, do you have an overheard? I do. I went and saw a wrestling show in Scotland. The wrestling?

No, different show. It was wrestling in a nightclub. It was the best. Was it better than the wrestling? No, the wrestling was the best, but then this was a good second best. And the thing they do in, I don't know if they do this everywhere. I've never seen it before. That like somebody will start a chant and then everybody chants that thing.

Oh, yeah. And so there were a lot of fun ones. But there was one guy who was, he was, I guess, a bad guy. I didn't know from, you know, who was a good guy. I couldn't understand a word. But the guy next to me started the chant. He said, he looks like a shite Jason Statham. And then everybody in the club started chanting shite Jason Statham. And then everybody in the club started chanting, shite Jason Statham.

Which I thought was pretty great. Yeah. Yeah. So, I never started a chant before. It's a hooligan culture. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you gotta love it. Get into it.

Yeah. Yeah, BYO crowbar. But, like, they're big on chants. They know how to get to the very heart of the issue Yeah, absolutely This is the hooligans? Yeah Okay

They'll chant something mean Yeah, sure, exactly They'll figure out what you are most insecure about That time you were raped by a dolphin Can we not? Why? The call brought it up I'm bringing it back

I shouldn't have. I know. It's, it's, I mean, questions of consent in the animal kingdom are, the depth and breadth of this issue is. It's massive. Beyond us. Yeah, that's true. That's true.

Next week, we're going to have a dolphin on. We're really going to put it in the hot tank. It's not going to be in the seat because it can't sit. It just keeps sliding out because of its dolphin body. I got a new kettle. Speaking of hot tank. Our old kettle broke. Oh, this kettle gets water hot

so fast. It's just in from the grammar report. What would you pay for a kettle? They were selling like $200 kettles. Honestly, I would pay $20. $20 for a kettle because you can buy them from just a fucking junketeria. I know, but people have put like, the reason they ended up in a junketeria is because someone tried to cook soup in it.

With chili. I don't think I would pay $200 for a kettle. No. How much would you pay for a kettle? I paid $40 for this one. I think I would pay...

Is this an electric? Yeah. Oh, yeah, an electric, sure. Yeah. I thought you were just talking about a stovetop. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no. Now, we also have overheard sent in to us by listeners from around the planet. Why aren't we talking more about kettles? I don't know. Because I think I hit my

high water mark. Hello and good night. Oh, that line where it says Maximum? Yeah, exactly. If you want to send one in, you can send it in to spy at MaximumFun.org The first one comes from Tom in Hawaii. Oh.

But this doesn't take place in Hawaii. It takes place in the Phoenix Airport. Ah. This is the day after the Super Bowl, so this is March. January, February. Yeah, something like that. And there were three guys in Patriots jerseys

with really strong Boston accents. Can you do a Boston accent? Yeah. I can't. We're going to take our car down to the yard and we're going to fuck abroad or whatever. I don't know. I'm from Boston.

I don't care. Do you want me to do a Boston accent? I don't care. Anyway, so I can do a Boston accent. I'm sure they have a rich tapestry. Stop it with the tapestry. Leave tapestries alone. Yeah.

But the cost, they were talking about the cost of Super Bowl parking. It was $100 to park at the game, but they found a spot for $60. And one guy said, fuck that. I'm not giving any more money to Obama. I'd rather give it to the Taliban. So what does that guy think parking money is? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Does he think that's just a tax? The thing that America puts on.

It's put on by the federal government. To generate some income. Yeah, and people are suckers. They'll pay for it. Oh, that's true. Not me, though. No, not you. You stay at home.

I give $60. Every year, I send $60 to the Taliban for their birthday. Yeah. In a card. Share with your sister. Oh, you won't do that, will you? Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Dave's coming down hard on the- Political issue. This next one comes from Matthew, parts unknown. I was flying home and had a window seat. Beside me was a young boy across the aisle from his younger sister and mom. Throughout the flight, the sister kept reaching across the aisle and the kids would hold hands. Very sweet.

Across the aisle? Yeah. Towards the end of the flight, the boy reached over and held his sister's hand and then looked at me with the biggest grin on his face and whispered, I farted on my hand this time. That's great. Oh, i'm scared

hold my hand you know how i get gassy when i get scared oh kids i know never grow up that's what i You know, hold on to that, that youthful enthusiasm. Hold on for one more day. Someday somebody's going to tell you not to fart on your hand. Weird Al. Weird Al. Weird Al, listen. Don't you know?

The last one. Don't you know? Comes from Hunter E. I was on the bus and overheard this line from a far too loud phone conversation. I'm not a racist. I mean, I'm totally a racist, but my email's not racist. That's true. Yeah.

Yeah. Your email is lovesallcolors at AOL.com. Doesn't see color at Yahoo.org. One big brotherhood. No girls allowed. At AOL.blah. Pretty good. Dave, do we have overheards phoned in?

I can't imagine that we have any. Check your phone. Just see. See if there might be. Oh, we do. We have three. Hooray. Well, shall See if there might be. Oh, we do. We have three. Hooray. Well, shall we?

Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Like these people have. If you want to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328. Like these people have. Hey, David, Graham, and Gus. This is Steve from PA, and I just had an overhaul. Steve the cat?

So I was at a Chinese buffet, and I went up to the pudding counter to get some dessert. And there's a guy standing there in front of the banana pudding, and he's just kind of staring at the banana pudding. And then he says, out into the universe, he goes, no, I can't touch the banana pudding. I can't mess with the banana pudding. And he turns around and walks away. And she said, I touch the banana pudding. I can't mess with the banana pudding. And he turns around and walks away. And she said, I got some banana pudding. And as I was putting the spoon back, he came walking back. And he says, a little bit never hurt nobody.

A little bit never hurt nobody. And then he got some banana pudding. I thought that was great. You know what? It's my birthday. We're all going to die. You know what I mean? That sounded like a setup for some kind of like, I was at a Chinese buffet.

It sounded like there was going to be some kind of slam at the end. And your mama was there or something. Anyways. What did that have to do with a Chinese buffet? I don't know. Or, yeah. I don't know. I was thinking. Pudding counter. When he? I don't know. Or, yeah. I don't know. I was thinking.

Pudding counter. I mean, yeah. When he said pudding counter, I was like, uh. This could be any buffet anywhere. Yeah. There's always a banana pudding counter. There was a, the only buffet I remember. Fitbit has a banana pudding counter.

Do you remember the Pizza Hut buffet? Did you ever go to that? No. It was, they had like, it was just a bunch of pizzas and you could get like slices of different pizzas. And then there was also a salad bar. Yeah, I was there. And there was like this weird. I have been there.

Yeah. I was there the time you were there. Do you remember the little girl? It's like the flashback to the opening scene of Splash. Oh, yeah, there was a mermaid flopping around on the floor. Yeah, we kissed. But there was like this weird like brown sauce for putting on like a salad. And I remember dressing.

It's called. No, but it wasn't like salad gravy. It was like salad gravy. It was like salad dressing. No, but it wasn't. Like balsamic? It was like salad gravy. It was like salad gravy. And that's what I thought of when he said a pudding bar, like just a bunch of tubes with crazy puddings in it. Did it also have a soft serve machine? I think so.

Yeah, I liked those buffets. And for some reason you would pile it on as high as it could possibly go. Yeah. I guess the reason was your parents wouldn't let you go back for two servings. Yeah. And also you as a kid didn't care about having diarrhea. It was just part of being a kid. I still don't.

I mean, dairy doesn't do that to me no but sauce serves just some weird oil or something it's no dairy oh yeah they can't legally call it ice cream yeah yeah because of whatever roe v way i can only think of one roe v way oh it's Kramer versus Kramer. Oh, right. There you go. All right. Here's your next one. Real political. I know, right? Taliban, Roe v. Wade. I like a guy who's political, who's not quite sure what the things are. Yeah.

This guy's super political about whether they can call soft serve ice cream. But he thinks every verdict is Roe v. Wade. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every. That's Roe v. Wade all over again. Is that the one with the pubic hair on the Diet Coke can? Oh, wow. Here's your next phone call.

Hi, this is Laurel from St. Paul, Minnesota. I'm calling with an overheard. Whoa, wow. Here's your next phone call. Hi, this is Laurel from St. Paul, Minnesota. I'm calling with an overheard. Whoa, whoa. Today I was at the Minnesota State Fair, and I was watching the swine judging contest. And the judge at first was saying all the normal things that you say about swine, like, oh, this one's got great proportions, that one has really nice shoulders, whatever. And then all of a sudden he saw one he must have gotten really excited about because he says, oh, that's a nice boar.

That boar looks like he could really handle a lot of situations. Let's put him in the situation room. Swine. She said swine the whole time. Did you just say the word pig didn't come up the entire phone call? No, yeah. And I will admit that the first time that she said it, I thought she said slime. The slime competition.

Which you would at a county fair. Oh, sure, yeah. You can't do that on television. Do you do any swine impressions? Yeah. One of my ex-boyfriend. Oh, take that, Trey.

That pig hole. That's Michelle Pfeiffer's pig hole. Well, now who's out of line? Michelle Pfeiffer's pig hole. Straight masterpiece. Roavorous pig hole. Straight masterpiece. Roe v. Wade. Living it up in the shade. Here's your final overheard of 2015. Phone call.

Phone call. Hi Dave and Graham and guests. This is Adrian in Los Angeles with an overheard. I was in a Staples recently. It's back to school season. And there was a child and a mother shopping for pencils. And

the mom hands the boy a set of pencils and the boy goes, can't we get some that are already sharpened? And the mom, as if to herself, just goes, you can't even sharpen pencils?

This is why you failed at a gym class last year. Sharpening pencils is one of the most fun things of owning a pencil. You get to get up from your desk and make a bunch of rackets. A legitimate time waste. Do they still? You're teaching in a high school?

You're a kid. Do they still have the hand crank sharpeners? No, I don't think so. I'm sure some classes do. A lot of them just use pens instead. They must have them. But also in your back to school supplies, you're supposed to have a pencil sharpener. That just seems like mess everywhere. That thing was contained. Oh oh but it fell off occasionally and you couldn't put it back

oh it smelled so woodsy see i'm an outdoorsy guy yeah uh yeah i remember a kid wanted to put a like a lit match in there it would have gone up too like if uh if he had only had the balls school did you go and spending most my life i can't sing well and also it would help if you knew what song you were singing i was singing gangster's paradise were you sure power and the money. Money and the power. Minute after minute. Hour after hour. Everybody's watching but they don't know what's cooking. What's going on

in the kitchen? They can't end something tripping. Tie up your shoelaces to prevent all this. They don't understand me. How can they reach me? I guess they can't. I guess they won't. I guess they won't. I guess they fuck. I guess they fuck.

I guess that's why I'm out of luck. You don't have a gun pointed at you. Sing it. Sing it. All right, I'll blow your brain This is what I most love The pencil and the sharpener The sharpener and the pencil

It smells real woodsy Some kid has got a lighter One time a kid We had these fans At the back of the class That were What? They were like

Like air circulation yeah yeah fans but but they were like don't let nicole's confusion over what a fan is but they were like vertical like like they were just a big like rectangular unit a big box and there was a the air came out the top oh yeah, yeah. And there were these fans going inside, and one time a kid put a Popsicle stick in there while looking down into it, and it just blew all the Popsicle dust into his face. I'll never forget the look on his face.

Yeah, when he figured out physics for the first time. That fan, oh, I see. That's what they were trying to teach me. When he figured out physics for the first time. Well, that's it. Oh, I see. That's what they were trying to teach me. I guess I can't. I guess I won't. Now, Nicole, do you have anything you would like to plug? This being the end of this here podcast?

Yeah, just in general, if you're in Toronto, you should come check Bad Dog out. That's on Ossington? It's on Bloor and Ossington. Yeah. And it's great. But I mean, in Toronto, every street is an avenue for fun. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, but Dave, that one has an address.

Oh, okay. What's the address? Do you know it? Oh, God. No. Professional improviser. I don't have to know it. It's right at Bloor and Ossington.

We do improv shows. It's a great little theater. I like it a lot. Oh, it's great. It's beautiful. The shows are amazing. Come have a drink. Come watch some shows.

Come take some classes. Shows are amazing. Come have a drink. Come watch some shows. Come take some classes. And other than that, I don't have anything to plug. That's fine. That's a plug.

You plugged. I don't know. You want to go out with me? Ask me out. Yeah, yeah. Ask Nicole Passmore out on a date. What would you like to do? That's really funny. Oh, if I went on a date?

Yeah. What would you like? Like fun first date. Oh, if I went on a date? Yeah. What would you like? Like fun first date. I would like to do something that maybe we could like see some animals without them being hurt.

Sure. So no trips to the abattoir. Yeah. Yeah. No circus. No circus. Yeah. But like maybe a nice petting zoo. A nice petting zoo for sure.

Or that aquarium. They got an aquarium downtown petting zoo. A nice petting zoo for sure. Or that aquarium they got an aquarium downtown Toronto. Yeah the aquarium there. Or medieval times. Yeah you could go

see horses. Oh I would love to go to medieval times. Next time I'm in Toronto we'll go to medieval times. Okay great. What's their

vegetarian option? A kebab. The water. Don't eat. It's a kebab that comes on a sword. Yeah I don't have anything to plug except that Bad Dog is the greatest. Come check us out.

All right. Dave? Come see us in Calgary in October at the YYC, YY Comedy Festival. Yeah, the 14th, 15th. 15th, I believe. Yeah. It's a Thursday. At the Loose Moose Theater.

At the LMT. You done with LMT? Yeah, you know me. Mm-hmm. At the Loose Moose Theater. At the LMT. You done with LMT? Yeah, you know me.

Mm-hmm. I am doing at Hot Art Wet City on the 25th. They had a date booked, and then I was too lazy to do what the show was going to do. So I'm going to do Graham Clark Reads the Phone Book. One night only. I have seen it, and it is incredible. Thanks for saying so. It's very kind of you.

Amazingly funny. So September 25th, Hot Art Wet City. All right. Be there. And if you like the show, why don't you check out the blog recap? Dave does each and every week. It accompanies the podcast, pictures and videos relating to the content of the podcast, Shirley Gangster's Paradise or Michelle Pfeiffer in Dangerous Minds. Yeah.

That was a real strong theme of the show. Yeah. I think we talked plenty abouts. Yeah. That was a real strong theme of the show. Yeah. I think we talked plenty about that. Yeah. Also, maybe just a couple pictures of Michelle Pfeiffer just to show why she's, you know, white gold. Yeah. She's also in that other song about... Riptide.

Yeah. By Vance. I swear she's destined for the screen. Uh-huh. The closest thing to Michelle Pfeiffer that you've ever seen. Are we in the presence of Vance Joy? Is Vance Joy here?

Can I talk to him? Yeah, or Gunther. Maybe a picture of Gunther. Oh, absolutely. Gunther. For your Halloween costume needs. Not again, Gunther. And thanks so much for listening.

If you like the show, tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Too hard. Hard damn. Hard damn. Hard damn.

Yeah. Does he say, make a dragon want to retire, man? Yeah, yeah. I think so. Yeah, it's about. Well, you can't spoof that song. It was originally supposed to be on the How to Train Your Dragon soundtrack. And that's why he put that lyric in there.

Oh, really? No. Oh, shut up. You disappointment. I'm so gullible I would spoof it By making it Do hast

Hast There you go Hastem Maximumfun.org Comedy and culture Artist owned Listener supported