Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 395 - Kayla Lorette

Episode Date: October 12, 2015

Actress and comedian Kayla Lorette returns to talk about sad film festival parties, tennis, and a kind of butler.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 395 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who would like to remind you that this week we are in Calgary for the YYC Comedy Festival on October 15th, Mr. Dave Shumka. That's right. And I also, if you're in Canada, remember to vote. Oh, please. Just get out there remember to vote. Oh, please.

Just get out there and do it. Yeah, it's on the 19th. Look, you don't even need to be pre-registered. Just show up. Give them a piece. Give them like your utility bill. They'll register you on the spot. It's super fast. It's kind of fun.

Yeah, you get a sticker. Yeah, yeah. It's a little bit fun. We're getting out the vote. It's a lot bit democracy. And if, oh God, I'm just so worried because old people vote so much and young people, dead people vote a lot. Do you know what's crazy?

My grandmother, long-time conservative voter, as grandmothers are, she's done with them. Oh. Had it. Had it up to here with his shenanigans. All right. Well, let's not get political. Just vote. Look, I was waiting until episode 400 to turn real political on this show.

Oh, no. Oh, boy. Well. The oil. See? Anybody got an opinion about that? Guys. Pro?

Against? Leave it in the ground? Take it out of the ground? Can we restart this podcast? And I mean go back to episode one. Our guest today, very funny comedian, actress, and writer? Yeah, why not? You're a writer.

She's got a pen, got a paper. Yeah, and a dream. John Dan some ideas. Hello. Hello. Thank you for coming back on the show. Oh, thanks for having me. Oh, this is a treat.

It's a treat to have you here. I'm having so much fun so far. When I found out you were coming to town, I was like, we're making a plan. We're doing it. We're putting it in pen. We're making this happen. I said I put it in pencil. Yeah, that's true.

I like to keep people guessing. I'm happy I'm here. But you're here. You made it. I made it. We were guessing up to the last second. We're pacing around. Will she? Won't she? Well, yeah. And then the knock on the door and everything really

turned around. Well, now we're up to date. Let's get to know us. Get to know us. So you're in town for the Vancouver International Film Festival. I am, yes. And you're in a movie. Yes, I'm in a short film that I co-wrote and star in called She Stoops to Conquer. And yeah, it screened on Monday and I went and watched it with people.

How was that? Was that like the weirdest thing? Yeah, well, we were just at TIFF with it, which was, I think, more stressful. What's that? Never heard of that? TIFF? Go on.

Teef? Yeah, oh, Teef. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's how a baby says Teef. Yeah. Go on. So I've watched it twice already. With audiences.

Yeah. And they hoot, they holler. Throw popcorn at the screen. Yeah. If it's a short film, they're buying, it's like they show a bunch all at once? Okay. So you're like programmed in with a bunch of other shorts in a theme. This theme was sound and image.

I feel like, honestly. You're like, that's a movie. I'm like, I hope. You know? I just think. And we pulled this out. Well, we keep submitting this podcast to it. But they're like sound and image.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, image. We're waiting for sound or image to win, but they're like sound and image. We're waiting for sound or image. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. So was there like is your film? It's a serious film or it's a surreal film or it's a sad, funny. These are all options. All of it.

Scary. All of the things. I think we intended it on it being a comedy. And then it kind of turned out kind of weird. There's funny parts to it. Basically, in the film, I wear a prosthetic of another man's face, which is a funny concept. But it's weird. It's a weird film. It sounds weird.

Is it the weirdest of the program? No, there was one about scoliosis that was pretty harsh. Is it pro-scoliosis? You know what? Yeah. What was the worst part of the scoliosis? The sound or the image?

Oh, image. Yeah, the sound. A lot of celery crunching. Oh, the foley was amazing. Punching a bag of popcorn, I don't know. Putting an umbrella through a thresher. These are how you create sound effects. At the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation, I don't think I could find it now. They

might have gotten rid of it, but there used to be a Foley room that was dormant for years, but you would go in and it would just be a bunch of different doors to slam and a bunch of different... Like cornstarch in a balloon. What sound effects does that

create? I think it's the sound of walking in snow. Oh, yeah. Perfect. That's not what it sounds like. That's the Foley artist that can't stop saying things while they're doing Foley. Step, step, step. We're going to have to edit that out. He makes great Foley, but he talks over the whole thing.

So what are you guys doing this weekend? They just put him in a soundproof helmet, like one of those diving helmets. Yeah, they pretend it's official, but it's just, he can't really breathe in there. So much foam. So did you get to go to like film festival parties? Yes. Well, I went to one. The director of the film, I co-wrote it with, Zach Russell, he went to a bunch.

And in Toronto, every country kind of hosts a party. So there's the Italian party. And it was up at Casa Loma. And they put floodlights on the trees. And apparently it was very sexy i attended the canada party which i immediately embarrassed myself at because i was we stood at the back of the line and our we had like a pr person who's like you're not gonna wait in line we'll go to the front and there was this brutal harsh middle-aged editor who was, I don't stand in a line at a party I've been invited to.

I was like, right on. Come with us. And then I forced this woman in with us. I didn't know. Caused kind of a scene with the bouncer. I don't know why I needed to protect this woman. Were you wearing the old prosthetic mask at the time? Should have.

Had to do red carpet. But the thing with the Canada party was they were like all excited, like, oh, the host has recreated a Tim Hortons

in the corner and it was so embarrassing. I watched by and there was a woman in this like beautiful dress just asking

what was inside one of the donuts. What's inside of it? Gelatin? Possibly. I don't know. Let me stick a straw in it. It's a hair mousse.

That's embarrassing. That is very embarrassing. That's our like thing. We didn't have it growing up. Like in Vancouver. What? Tim Hortons. Oh, yeah.

We didn't get it until like the mid-90s. Yeah, Robin's Donuts ruled the roost in Alberta for a long time. Wasn't there Robin's Donuts? There was Robin's Donuts here. Maybe. It's like a yellow-brown aesthetic. Yeah, yellow-brown. Like the 70s burnt siennas.

Yeah. Those are great colors. And you could still smoke. I know, I remember that. Because you could still smoke in Robin's Donuts and they had the weird little tinfoil ashtrays. Oh, yeah. That you could fold up. There's a few.

Yeah, gross. Like super Canadian things. Everyone thinks they're super Canadian. They just are pretty recent. Like, I remember growing up, no one had had poutine. No, yeah. Although my dad was crazy about cheese curds. Yeah.

How would he eat them? Plain? Yeah, like if you go to Quebec, you buy them in just a store and you just like. Squeak them on your teeth? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's pretty good. put them on each of your teeth smile at kids

that's so curd mouth yeah smile at kids I can't wait till I get to an age where I can just smile at kids isn't this weird?

So you had to do a red carpet? Yes. What was that like? I've never been on one. I've never even been near one. I've been on the John Deere green carpet of the Canadian Country Music Awards. That doesn't count because it's green.

This is a red carpet. Yeah, it was the same type of thing but but it's off like yeah do people take pictures of you no no i was i was the press yeah it's they kind of yell it it was really small and they only really cared because we had julian richings with us who is in our movie who you look here i look like in the film so and if you don't know who he is if you look at a picture of him he's like in cube and like in everything he's in hardcore logo he's in hardcore logo he's not canadian but he's in every canadian yeah he's an english guy um so they mostly want to take pictures of him i guess but you walk on and then it's just like these rinky dink like press people they're like here look here here here and then you look

and then they take a picture like here over here now and then you look and then a woman from like CTV seemed bored

out of her mind asking us questions about Canada like why is it important to make films here and I remember my

one time being the press at the Canadian Country Music Awards not knowing who any of these people are. Yeah. Just asking everybody with a cowboy hat.

Well, like a PR person comes up to you. Do you want to speak to so-and-so? And you're like, not really. But I guess it's my job. Okay, you have them for four minutes. And you'll be like, no, I don't. Four minutes? I want them for 15 seconds.

Yeah. We can arrange a 15-minute sit-down. Right this way. By the way, he's dying. Come quickly, quickly. Yeah. But do they do, like, quickly do a, hey, you're watching ET Canada. Do they do something like that?

No one wants us to throw to anything. But they always, they, I don't know. I feel like us to throw to anything. But they always, they, I don't know, I feel like they need footage of everyone pouring in to make it seem like

Because next year at the festival you might be the star of a huge blockbuster. We knew her back then. I'd feel foolish then. Yeah. Now ask me what I think

about making films in Canada. I don't give a shit. I'm out. That in Canada. I don't give a shit. I'm out. It was fun, I guess. Was there like, because always on the red carpet, there's reporters, and then there seems to be always just like people that are like yelling and stuff, I guess. I don't know.

This wasn't like a cool, sexy outdoor red carpet. It was just in an area of the party. So it was just like to the side. Yeah, it was just somewhere that had like a cool, sexy, outdoor red carpet. It was just in an area of the party. So it was just like to the side. Yeah, it was just somewhere that had like a backdrop. Yeah. So you just kind of walked over and then up. And the snacks were... There we go.

Other than the Tim Hortons, there was... Ants on a log. So many bags of Miss Vicky's chips and coffee crisp. And this was the end. Oh, God. Is Miss Vicky's Canadian? I guess so. was the end. Oh, God. Is Miss Vicky's Canadian? I guess so. Yeah, I guess she is.

But isn't the Canadian... Shouldn't the Canadian option be the all-dressed or the ketchup? Yeah. But also... Our coveted chips. Actual food?

Yeah. Probably the Italian party had, you know... Oh, lovely. I'm sure. Yeah, big spaghettis. Thin meats. Spaghettis.

Yeah. Ball of spaghetti, sir. Thin meats. Spaghettis. Ball of spaghetti, sir. Handful of spaghetti. Someone walking by with a tray of loose spaghetti. Forced to take a pinch. Yeah, you take some and then you take a little napkin. Thank you. Chef Boyardee, anybody? Chef Boyardee.

Did you have to be Eating the food On the red carpet Like No Go to get your picture taken Eating a Cosby Coffee crisp

Cosby crisp Cosby crisp Oh we cannot Move these The Cosby crisp Yeah Nobody wants them Oh man

So what would you say Overall like Fun Fun experience Film festival Yeah overall really fun, fun experience? Film festival? Yeah, overall really fun. Really fun to see the other things that you're programmed with. Fun to, you know, make something and then have people see it, I guess.

I'm over watching it. Yeah. There's like a sexy scene in it. Who do you play in the sexy scene? The woman one. We're both with the same face, though. And yeah, I'm over having to watch that with other people. Yeah, that's always a thing that I've wondered about.

Every time I watch a sex scene in a movie, I'm like, did they have to watch this in the proximity of their parents? Because their parents are like, we're coming to the premiere of this movie. It's always awkward to see a sex scene with your parents that you're not in. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Just being terribly still. Yeah. You're watching at home and then you're like,

oh, that's right, I'm in this. And so are my mom and dad. I want to talk loudly about how I need water and then go out. Why is Kayla standing in the backyard? And you've got it timed down perfectly. You know when to come back in. Oh, yeah. That's right, Mom and Dad.

That's what I do now. I'm a sex. I'm a grown-up sex. So then after this, that's the end of the run, or does it go elsewhere? It was in Halifax, and it was in London, but we didn't go to those. And then

Zach's going to New Orleans, but I'm not going to go. But that one seems like it'll be fun. Yeah, I've never been to New Orleans, and I will continue to not have ever gone. So, yeah, I've never been to New Orleans, and I will continue to not have ever gone. So, yeah. And then back home, and then you, well, what else is going on? You've made this film.

Yeah. You're doing that, but what else is happening in the life of Kayla Lorette? Okay, well, I don't know. I don't have any jobs lined up, Graham. No, no, I don't mean upcoming, just in general. What fills your days? I get't know. I don't have any jobs lined up, Graham. No, no. I don't mean upcoming. Just in general. What fills your days? I get some downtime. I was working a lot.

Like, I was working on development for Young Drunk Punk, which is Bruce McCullough's show. Oh, yeah. So, waiting to hear on that. And then just hoping jobs come. I don't know. So, anyone listening out there, just hire Kayla. Yeah. Do you do, like, yard work? work yeah any kind of jobs yard work house work no but i'll try hard because i don't like to look weak so it was a one-day job i'll show up i'll overextend myself

i don't know i like i don't know if i have a strong back or a weak back i don't know. I like, I don't know if I have a strong back or a weak back. I don't know what that means. I can, you know, sometimes I lift a lot. I'll force it. Yeah. Yeah.

I'll wear one of those belts. I would love to wear one of those belts. Those belts that are like a gusset or like a gimlet. A groblet. What am I thinking of a grommel gusset gumlet

yeah a gobbler gusset corset it's like a corset but it's no no no that's not the word

it's a g it is a g a girdle yeah there you go girdle what's a gusset I don't know it's a

like an extra piece of fabric. On like a seam, is that right? I might be wrong about that. I don't know all of my... Something you know from your wife. No, it was... There's this... Like if you Google Chuck Norris action jeans,

they have a reinforced gusset. Oh, yeah. That's right. So that you could kick high and not rip the crotch area. Ew, I hate that. I know that. You can forget it. We share a birthday.

No, you can never not know. Really? You and Chuck Norris? Yeah. That would have been so funny five years ago. Let's see. Let's see. March.

Yeah? Yes, March. 7th. 10th. Wow. That's see. March. Yeah? Yes, March. 7th. 10th. Wow. That's the greatest guess ever. Really good. Really good.

Do you ever just celebrate his birthday instead of yours? No, because it's like I'm not a brutal joke from 2004. You know? It's like, talk about Chuck Norris. How did that joke just kind of get, like, because remember it was kind of funny for a day or two. Yeah. And then it just kind of kept coming around until you were like, no, I just don't need to. It somehow became something of the regular people.

Yes. And then it was not nice for us anymore. Yes. It really, it was. Once they dirty it. It sort of, you know. With their gussets. Their gussets and their common ideas.

You know. With their gussets. Their gussets and their common ideas. Yeah, I feel like there was some, like, one person too many posted it. And I was like, well, I can't enjoy this. And then I think maybe, like, Chuck Norris, like, he appeared at some questionable political rallies or something. Yeah. And people were like, oh, you might be a bit of a monster. Yeah, we're going to back away.

I think he's a lot of a monster, Chuck Norris. Because I read his first autobiography when it came out. Great. And he has more than one. Read or skimmed? Read. I read all these. More than one that he's written?

Yeah, yeah. What did he not say in the first one? Yeah, what? Is the second one just the jokes? No, the first one is just his childhood. He doesn't even date karate in the first one. As a child, did he have a little red beard? Yeah, and he was always dreaming about doing karate,

but never, and then the next book picks up. No. Oh, it teases it out. No, it kind of gets he talks about his like childhood and then like his early days in action films but not like the walker texas ranger era yeah but what who needs to write about that oh somebody somebody has to figure out how that thing got on the air and stayed on the air for like a decade yeah but not on like channels yeah it was on channels channels aired it no but not like stations yeah no stations

we're on the station network uh but it was on like uh was it tnn. A super channel kind of vibe? Yeah. No. I think it was TNN. Which became Spike somehow. Oh, Spike. TNN was the Nashville network. Would you rather not have a show ever or have a show that's on Spike? Ugh.

Tough call. Wasn't there... What was... Hmm. That's a toughie. No, I think Spike can redeem itself. I take Spike. What's her name?

Tia. Tequila? No. Carrere? Yes. She had a show that was on Spike where she looked for, I want to say. Gold? Temples.

Yeah, she was a tomb raider. Treasure hunter. Yeah, she was a treasure hunter. Yeah. Or is that just a character? They do bar rescue that a lot of people enjoy. Oh, that guy. He's a classic.

Jesus Christ. That guy looks like a garbage can. I hate that. His thing that he says he invented is this gross thing. That he's like, I invented this thing so that uh the entry to the dance floor becomes a bottleneck so that people have to touch each other oh and he's proud that he invented that he's like it's trademarked that's my he invented the shape of that. Yeah, or something. Or the creepy salesman pitch around it. Yeah, he looks bad.

Yeah, he is bad. Yeah. He doesn't go in and, you know, he goes to these places and says that he has a lot of experience in bar. In bar. In bar. But he doesn't say on what side. I'm a drunk. I'd watch that show. Where a drunk tries to save a bar. But he doesn't say on what side. I'm a drunk. I'd watch that show.

Where a drunk tries to save a bar. I want to make this place nice for me. I remember. I'm bringing in my couch. Spike used to show, what was it? It was like a Japanese show. Oh, where they would fall into the mud. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

And there was Ultimate Warrior or something. Oh, yeah, would fall into the mud. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And there was Ultimate Warrior or something. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like different eras of warriors. Oh, it would be like a Viking versus the samurai. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's a fun concept. Yeah. I never watched that, but I liked it.

It was basically Maxim Magazine if it was a channel. Why doesn't that exist? It does. Yeah. I think that's what Spike was. Did they have the robot battles or was that on the comedy network? You think that was the comedy network? Yeah.

But it wouldn't have been out of place on Spike. No. But like, do you think that somehow, you know how like A&E used to be a channel where they would like show biography? And then they'd be like the Boston Pops concert on Friday night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now it's just storage drawers. Yeah, I can't get out of my bedroom. Like, what if Spike becomes the flip side and they're like,

a reading of Robert Frost this Friday on Spike. Oh, yeah, that would be cool. That would be cool. That would be cool. Yeah. Well, we can hope. Yeah. So you've got a new show coming out on Spike. Yeah.

I'm making some deals during this conversation. It's just me. Two guys and... One of Canada's top improvisers. Eat. She's looking on the walls to see if there's anything to eat. Stickers and laptop. Stickers and laptop.

Laptop. Good. Good save. Good save. Good save. I got really hot. Let's move on. How's Dave? Yeah.

How is Dave? Dave, what's going on? Here's what's going on. So, like, for the past, let's say six weeks now. Yeah. Once a week, I wake up at six in the morning. Ooh, I like where this is going. I go out and meet up with my dad.

Is this for real? Yeah. Wait. I also want to thank Jordan and Jessica for hosting our show last week. We didn't mention that. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's weird. Splice it in.

Yeah. Spike it in. Yeah. Oh, hey. Yeah, this summer. Splice it in. Spike it in. Yeah.

Oh, hey. Yeah, this summer. Spike it in. And every Wednesday morning at 7 a.m., my dad and I have been meeting up to play tennis. Whoa. Oh, wow. Oh, man. What do you wear? Oh, boy.

Yeah, yeah. Is it? Okay. I wear. I wear. I'm an old-fashioned tennis player. I wear the long white pants. So, no, like do you?

Like Rene Lacoste, Le Crocadil. You wear like a cable knit sweater? Yeah. Okay. I have a wooden racket and I wear a little hat. Indoor? Indoor. Okay.

Indo. We smoked at Indo. That's so nice. How did it start? It started with A single serve I played My dad used to make me play tennis with him when I was a kid

Because it's a good sport to play Yeah I only tried it once Didn't care for it Never looked back Me too As a kid I was really bad at it

But my dad made me take lessons I was always terrible at it. Yeah. But my dad, like, made me take lessons. I was always terrible. I would launch the ball over the fence. I didn't know my own strength. I couldn't, like, if you move your hand a little bit, it determines whether the ball is going straight into the ground or, like, into space. Yeah, it's all. It makes you feel so strong.

It does. It's the wrist. You're supposed to get it to spin. That's what it's like. But if you just hit it really hard, you can make it go really far. Yeah. It's all so strong. It does. It's supposed to get it to spin. That's what it's like. But if you just hit it really hard, you can make it go really far. Yeah. Which makes you feel like you're good at it.

Yeah. I won in distance. Except when you're, there's another court next to you and they keep getting annoyed at a kid who keeps knocking a ball into them. Oh my God. It was. And I was like,

I was always really athletic as a kid, but not coordinated. Like I was like, I was always really athletic as a kid, but not coordinated. Like I could run really fast and jump and everything. Tuck and roll. But like anything that involved. Throwing. Yeah. Or like especially tennis.

Because the way you're supposed to do it is like the ball is past the length of your arm and like most of the racket. And it's so, it's like, if you can't time your limbs, yeah, space and just the way they would, the instruction that they give to you for any sport, it's like be square to the ball. What does that mean?

Yeah. Yeah. I'm not going to, I'm not, I want you to finish this dad thing, but I was, I was the same. I was really good at running.

I was fast, I was like wiry as a kid but I was so bad at throwing or anything coordinated, I remember doing dodgeball once and everybody else on my team got out but I was really good at dodging the balls but I couldn't get my players out because I just kept dodging for what felt like ever

because I couldn't throw it I couldn't get anyone out, I couldn't get anyone back in was everyone so impressed that you were yeah everyone was like cool cool but I'm like

you're like that last soldier that didn't know the war's over yeah everybody else has gone home from war

and you're still out there it's so stressful there's Japanese guys out there right now on those islands yeah playing dodgeball.

And yeah, like I, oh, just the mechanics of it, of like, you know, rotate your shoulders and like have your hips shoulder length apart. My hips are always the same length apart. People, when they try to explain how to do a thing, like bit by bit, it never makes any sense. Yeah, I have to see it. Or I have to just do it and then be like, oh, I did it. So now my body knows the process. Are you feeling like you're better now as a man? Well, than you were when you were a kid.

Are you a better man now than you were when you were a boy? You're a good man Well, I'm not a man, not yet a boy Wait Ooh, I can't wait for you to be a boy But I was the same thing Like I was really, like I could run My ideal job

Like when my friends were playing baseball I was like, well, I can't throw And I can't, can hardly catch And I definitely can't swing a bat. No. Yeah. But like if a team needed a guy to be the pinch runner, meaning you play 30 seconds a game. Right.

And this would be because there would be somebody who could hit well but couldn't run very fast? Is that kind of the situation? Yeah. You would usually use that in the ninth inning. It never came up for me. But your favorite job. Yeah.

Well, my favorite player growing up was this guy named Bobby Thigpen. Bobby Thigpen. Okay. Who had a dust cloud always following him. Bobby Thigpen. And he was the reliever for the Chicago White Sox. And he set a major league record for the most saves meaning he would pitch the ninth inning and then go home like that was his whole job oh wow he just had one and that seemed like the ideal thing like you can't screw that up too badly but oh but you'd probably be wrong oh yeah

yeah but anyways I it didn't really come in handy but okay, okay, tennis. Tennis. Yeah. Yeah. Now, like, the first match we played, match is a strong word, we rally. I don't know. Can you explain to me, just very quick, how the scoring in tennis works? Because how much do you care about it? About it? Yeah. Well, enough that I. Enough that you want him to explain it.

Yeah, like, whenever people talk about tennis, I get lost instantly. You play a game. Yeah. And so that is made up of love, 15, 30, 40, and then you win the game. Okay. And so if you win a game, you go up... I'm starting to slip. I'm starting to slip here.

Okay. Match. Yeah, if you win. I'm starting to slip. I'm starting to slip here. Okay. Match. Yeah, if you win six games. That's match. In a set, you win the set. And every time the ball hits the ground, it's at five to me. Yes? Yes, ma'am.

Yeah. And then. There we go. There we go. And then. Oh, boy, it shouldn't be as hard to explain as cricket. We'll get into that. We're going to bust cricket wide open.

Well, that's the thing. I could keep score at 10. No problem. I could tell you how all the pieces in chess move, but I could never win a chess game. Chess points. Yeah. Anyway, you win a game, and then if you win six games, you win the set. And then if you win two or three sets, depending if it's a major tournament or you're a man

or a woman, you win the match. Oh, okay. Game, set, and match. Ah. I've heard that. That's fun. Set and match. Ah.

I've heard that. That's fun. But I was surprised that I was not terrible. Yeah. As an adult. And it came back to me really quickly. It came back and then I was so much better so fast than I have ever been in my hours of playing as a child. Do you think it was puberty gave you the advantage? I think it was a little bit of just like I'm

more coordinated now. Yeah, not thinking about girls all the time. Yeah. I'm also playing against my dad who is in his 70s. Yeah, yeah.

You're better than him. You're better than him. I'm not though. Oh. Good dad. Yeah, yeah. The lion still king of the bride.

What does he wear to these? Do you want to know what I wear? Yeah. Is it white? White, white, white. No, no. No?

No, what does your dad wear? I'm over. We both just wear shorts and a shirt. A dry fit shirt. Okay, sure. Or some kind of athletic, you know. Sort of a Scotchgard scenario. Whatever fabric. Takes the sweat off. you know a scotch guard scenario whatever fabric like

take the sweat sweat off yeah that's the idea I guess but I I it's very expensive

like the Nikes yeah I have a Diodora brand which are like an $11 shirt that sounds like

an opera shirt yeah it's an opera shirt I wear a Diodora it was at the Italian party like an 11 shirt that sounds like an like an opera shirt yeah it's an opera shirt i wear a deodora it was at the italian party it's very ruffled i'm wearing my deodora so i'm not great at it and but like i'm so much better than i was as a kid and the court seems so big like i thought it would feel smaller but it feels so big and also my vision's not as good as it was when I was a kid. So I can't tell

like, at the other end of the court, whether the ball's in or not. Right. So maybe your dad's pulling one of those, like, oh, another good one, son! But really, it's like barely making it over the net every time. Well, I can tell if it's making it

over the net. But just, like, it's, I'm shocked that I'm any good at it. Yeah. What a fun thing. But I also like, I don't own a tennis racket. I assumed tennis rackets are like $400. I have no idea. Yeah, they probably are.

But I mean, there's probably affordable ones. I just, my dad has two. Also, tennis rackets, it was always strange to me. Tennis and badminton rackets, why they would be finished? Like, unless you smash them, they don't bend over time, right? Why they would be finished? Like, why would people not just have one tennis racket for their whole life? I guess you could get it restrung.

Yeah, you get it restrung. And the handle re-taped. Yeah, and then it's just like, but how does the tennis racket business stay? They make them better. New technology. Oh, maybe that's it. Maybe because the rackets are better. It's all sweet spot now. It's like your's it. Maybe because the rackets are better. It's all sweet spot now.

It's like your MacBooks, you know, this kind of thing. Right? You need a new one every few years. Racket, racket, racket. It's a racket. This is a racket. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, okay.

Need a racket, got a racket, et cetera. She's too fat for me. Yeah, it's great. I'm getting very much Into tennis culture Really? What is I don't even know

What that is No That you know But I do like Roddick Is that a guy? Yep that's a guy Yeah yeah

No but I like I Yeah I don't really watch it But um Yeah I do like That it's Like a gentleman sport Yeah

It's like something you There's no You You can't You don't You don't touch your opponent The whole time Yeah like a gentleman's sport. Yeah. It's like something you, there's no, you, you can't, you don't, you don't touch your opponent the whole time. Yeah. And when you're good,

it is quite elegant. Like there are like the shapes of it are very beautiful. And when you do it correctly. And at seven in the morning, there's four courts. And at seven in the morning, I'm the youngest person by 40 years. That's the thing too. like when i was a kid

i think my first exposure to tennis was maybe a movie where alan alda was playing tennis in a movie and i was like i'm not gonna play some sport alan alda's playing forget it i agree with alan alda on a lot of issues but what sports to do i'm out out. He doesn't skateboard. I want to skateboard. So it always seemed like a very Alan Alda type sports day. It's a fancy boy sport. Yeah, yeah. A real fancy boy sport. But the walls were torn down

when I was a kid. When I was playing. But Andre Agassi was the big tennis star. And he had long hair and wore acid-washed tennis shorts. Did he really? Jeans cut-offs. They were meant to look like jean cut-offs. Gross.

That's so rock and roll. Yeah, he was. Did he ever play his racket like a guitar at the end of a match? Maybe in an ad. Yeah. Kind of one leg up, hopping around. I feel like he was a Reebok. He maybe wore pumps.

Wow. And he also did commercials for the Cannon Rebel. Oh, yeah. I remember that. A sports bad boy. Yeah. What was his thing? If he lost, he threw his racket around?

Yeah, he'd show his emotion a bit more. What was the other guy? Wasn't he famous for being angry? John McEnroe? Yeah. It was his thing like, come on! Yeah, you gotta be kidding me. I'm a brat.

Get out of here. Whoa, get over here. That was when Sub-Zero, wait, Raiden. They were all there. They were all in the tournament. Who am I thinking of, Scorpio? Yeah, yeah. He said that one?

Get over here. You're thinking of Serpico. Oh, man. I would love to play Mortal Kombat Tennis Edition. Oh, yeah. Now, have you played tennis? Yes. Do you still?

No, I did it once. Do you have any interest? Once. No, I thought, well, because I was playing it and my boyfriend is good at it. Maybe he'll play me sometime. Yeah. But it was like fun and I thought I was doing good. I was like, what is it, rallying? Rallying, yeah.

Rallying and I was like, oh, maybe I'm naturally good at this. I secretly like to think that I could be good at sports if I try. Yeah. But then when we were done, I was like, yeah, that's fun. We should do it again. He was like, yeah, yeah. It's actually, well, the learning curve on it's actually pretty steep. There's a lot of things you have to learn how to do.

And it was a comment that really shut me down. Yeah, I could get, that was my thing in sports, is one person making fun of me once, I'd be like, I'm out of this forever. I quit, yeah, volleyball. I quit because one day they made us line up against the wall and the teacher just hucked the volleyball at us and we had to defend ourselves. And I felt that it was a harsh thing to do and I quit the next day. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

That teacher probably is not still there. Yeah. That's probably not cool anymore. Yeah. You can't do that. Whip a ball in a kid's head. I have a hypothetical question for you. Okay.

Okay. Can I just say one more thing about tennis? Yes. I can't serve. That's the, like my dad and I would be playing. We've, we still just rally. I feel like once I can serve, we can play competitively, but I really just, even when I do it well, I feel like I'm just flailing around. It feels very feminine.

My feet, like, my one foot leaves the ground in a way I don't, I can't control. Do you wear the socks with the little pom-pom on the back? I do. That's why. That's one of the things. And I keep the extra balls in my, what? In your gusset. The skirt that I wear has this sort of built-in underwear.

It's full of balls. It's full and a diaper. Hypothetical. Hypothetical, yeah. Okay, imagine suddenly you, your mind. Suddenly I'm not. Okay, go. Okay, your mind is transported into the body of a pro athlete

in the middle of whatever sport they do in the middle of whatever this sport is uh you have your mind but you have their body and their body skills but just think what sport do you think you could fake being able to do the longest without anyone being like oh they're unwell or let's oh yeah like something's gone horribly wrong so if i can't like skate you don't know how to skate but the body does the body does but how much i don't know how much like how yeah exactly like how much could you fake yes would would i say bobsled i bet you i could fake a whole bobsled run and nobody would even know. Because I'd just be wobbling around and they'd be like, yep.

But what if you're the guy in the front? Well, I don't think he does anything. He's the guy in the back doing everything. No, no, no. The front guy steers. Oh, yeah. No, I'm talking middle bobsled. This guy is just there for weight.

Yeah. You're pretty good at pushing. No, no. We've already pushed off. We're mid. That's when you freaky Friday in? Yeah, that's when I like quantum leap. Oh, brother.

What did he say? Oh, boy. Oh, I don't remember. He would say something, right? Oh, I don't know if he had a catchphrase. Oh, boy. At the beginning, he would always go, oh. He would land in a body and he would realize. He's like, At the beginning, he would always go, oh. He would land in a body, and he would realize.

He's like, I'm a woman. He'd go, oh, brother, or something. He said the same thing every time? Every episode. Why? Or it's a super cut. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know. It's probably on the internet. You're right. You're right. What sport would you jump into? I feel like, this is lame. I feel like just a good classic kind of long distance run. And then do it for it, just kind of stay with the pack.

Yeah. Just like, oh, stay with everyone. And then at some point, roll my ankle, fall down quick. Oh, such a tragedy. Yeah. Because, I don't know. Yeah. Or soccer, I guess maybe just kind of run around for a while.

Yeah. It's a good workout. But see, I feel like if you landed in the middle of a soccer game, you would have to so quickly figure out, okay, whose team am I on? Well, you look at your shirt. No, but which way is the ball going? Which way is everyone is going? My eyes aren't good either, so I'd be like squinting.

What would you land in? I'm good at sports. Dave's just good at all sports Like I'm sort of Now that I'm I'm 34 I

Story check set Yeah I'm trying to remember I'm like the age That people retire from sports You know they can go longer But it's not unheard of. It's a bummer because it was like I'm. You would have been, you could have done it.

Yeah, but now I'm definitely not going to like get drafted. It's cool that you're good at sports. But I'm not great. How old is. And I don't ever do them, but. How old is Jeremy Yager? Jeremy Piven? Yeah. How old is. Excuse me. Howr? Jeremy Piven? Yeah

How old is Excuse me How old is Jeremy Piven? Yeah Yaramir Jagr I think Is in his early 40s Cause did you read that Thing that was going around

The internet last week? That's my favorite News sport The woman who had sex with him? Yeah And she's For people who don't know Yaramir Jagr

Legendary Czech hockey player Yeah And he's a single guy. There's no scandal. He slept with a young lady who then took a selfie with him and was going to, she's like, I'm going to go to the press with this if you don't give me X amount of dollars or whatever. He's like, go to the press with it.

I come up smelling like roses in this story. Whoa, good for him. Yeah, 43-year-old, still doing it. And still doing it. I know, right? come up smelling like roses in this story yeah whoa good for him yeah 43 year old still doing it and still doing it I know right sweet so you don't give up

your pro sports dreams just yet I'm gonna be for me it would be being Yara Miriagra but that is well what if you woke up in the middle of having sex

with someone which one am I I would say what shirt am I wearing what direction are we going follow everybody else um graham yeah what's going on with you well a couple of things um a couple weeks ago i talked about how i've uh when i went away for the summer great i'm so glad we're doing this show I missed you

last week we were off yeah it's fun to be back oh yeah by the way if you missed us last week we were hosting One Bad Mother we should just put all this information in one place it's more fun when it's like a treasure map that you gotta like

find it out as you watch the movie now while I was gone in the summer that you've got to find it out as you watch the movie. Now, while I was gone in the summer, there was a big turnover in the house that I live in, roommates-wise. Oh, I love updates from your living situation. Everybody does. So three people departed, three people arrived. Whoa.

For separate reasons or are they together now? Yeah, three people started a band. Three people. Whoa. For separate reasons or are they together now? Yeah, three people started a band. A three piece. Yeah. Did they, did they all, the three people who left

didn't leave together or? They didn't leave together but they all left in the same time. Did they leave a lot of their old spices? That's a good question

because there's definitely some honey upstairs that I'm like, I don't know whose honey this is and I've been using it Good for you Yeah, community honey

Have you been using it as a spice? No, no, no I pour it on my lover Honey is the spice of life It's the spice of bees Did the new people Did any of them know each other when they were moving in? No

Or did they all come separately? All came separately And so on my first day back, I met one of them. And I was like, introduced myself. I was like, oh, hi. And she was like, ew. Yeah, she was like, ew, gross. And she was like, what do I do with this cardboard?

It was just the most roommate-y conversation you could possibly have. Recycle it? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, so I was like, good. One down, two to go. And then I just never met the other two. So I've been home for a month and had not met the one that I shared a wall with.

Never, just were never in the house at the same time. Weird. And I was trying to decipher as many clues as i could from just bits and bobs couldn't really get a read on anything do you have the gender uh there was three women moved in so it was three women who left three women who moved in three women in a baby be as good a movie well they just take care of that baby yeah they'd be better at it what about three babies and a woman oh boy and they have to raise her? What?

She's figuring herself out. She just moved to the city. Into an apartment with three babies? She didn't know. She read an ad. They're like, label your milk, lady. Anyways, so I met the roommate that i share a wall with uh-huh i was walking out of my room and she was what were you wearing i was buck naked i was wearing a tiger costume i was trying

to scare her um no i was just wearing pants and a shirt but not not tennis clothes. No, no. I wasn't wearing tennis clothes. I wasn't dressed like Shakespeare Times. Okay. And then she seemed genuinely, not seemed, she was genuinely upset that we met because she loved that she had this weird,

this was her weird story. Oh, so your thing that was your weird story was also her weird story. It was her weird story. Because you loved it too that was your weird story was also her weird story. It was her weird story. Because you loved it, too. I was fine with it. That's fun. Yeah.

But then she was like, oh, this is too bad because this is kind of my fun. Isn't it crazy? Do you think that she thought on some level that you were going to fall in love? Yeah, probably. I mean, every time you move in with somebody, you play that scenario through your head. What if we fall in love? What if this is it? What if we merge margarines?

Ew. Scooping part of a margarine into another margarine. Oh boy. I remember watching Toast Crumbs and All. That's the way I want somebody to love me. Toast Crumbs and All. Are you margarine people? No. I'm a butter guy. I'm butter through and through.

Yeah, I want butter, but you know, like if she likes, I'm not going to break it up. You know what? The olive oil margarine isn't awful. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you guys. I haven't, I don't know it. We're talking about the roommate that I love.

Okay. Okay. That's great. Okay. Wish you what you expected from your clue gathering, you creep. Yeah. No, but she wasn't not what I expected. Like, I figured for sure.

Yeah. But she was upset that we met. Was she visibly upset, like weeping? Yeah, she started crying, wailing, tearing my posters down off the wall, my Michael Jordan poster. Oh, cool. Showed his Jordan poster. Oh, cool. It showed his wingspan. Oh, yeah. My girl sitting on top of a Lamborghini poster.

Oh, I know. Were these in your room or just in the shared space? I just put them up all over the house. I put them all around my bedroom door, outside my bedroom. Yeah, to let people know this is where the party starts. This is what I'm all about. Student crossing. Yeah, what I'm all about. Student crossing. Yeah, what I really learned in school.

It's real. Take me to your dealer. That one only when the black light comes on. Did you go to a post-secondary institute? Nah. Okay. But you know all the bangers. Nah, I've been to a San Francisco's.

So that was one thing. Okay. And she's just kind of bummed that she doesn't get to tell people, I don't know my roommate at all. Isn't that weird? He could be anybody. Instead of famous comedian Graham Clark. Yeah. And yeah, that was the other thing, too.

famous comedian, Graham Clark. Yeah, and that was the other thing, too. I think probably maybe she had made up a person in her head that it could be, you know? And it probably wasn't whatever she had made up. She probably made up something more fun.

You're the most fun. Well, thanks, you guys. That's the one thing. And then another thing. This is going gonna be good well it's it's a thing that i've realized is kind of my life has turned into a hobby which i didn't mean for it to is uh buying website domains oh my god like i'm glad we can talk about this why is this a thing that you do no i, I just saw that you did this. Yeah. So I bought, the one that I recently was bragging about is I bought CanadianComedyAwards.ca.

That's great. And so I'm going to run my own awards show. The Grammys. Yeah. Oh. And then a couple weeks ago, we were talking, you had, you just like out of pure. Oh yeah. Because I, at work, we were talking about how Ashton Kutcher.

Right. Owns or like he's invested in so many technology companies. Like, like if you look him up, what he's invested in, it's like he owns shares in or whatever, not even like Uber and Airbnb, these kinds of things. And then I was like, oh, it's funny. He doesn't seem to own AshtonKutcher.com. And so I went there and it was like, just type in the price you're willing to pay for this. price you're willing to pay for this and just out of a lark i put a thousand dollars and it said oh we are people like the the website said people usually uh pay thousands of dollars so try again and i just typed in five thousand dollars what do i care i'm not committing to anything yeah and then

now not even once a week maybe twice twice a week, I get an email from a person, not from, not an automated website. Yeah. Sonia is the woman's name. Hey Dave, I just wanted to touch base.

We can't do 5,000, but we can do 9,000. Yeah. And then nothing, I reply nothing. And then they write back a week later. Oh, we can do 7, oh wow so they're yeah yeah

they think you're playing hardball you're not playing any ball you're playing no ball tennis with your dad that's what you're doing yeah um whoa yeah it's fun to just think of a website and then go yeah i wonder if that and it only costs like ten dollars well they've now added a bunch of dot whatever like there's now like dot sex or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I own a lot of dot sexes. Sex dot sex. I can't believe we got sex dot sex.

Can you get sex dot sex dot sex dot sex? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you can buy an address that has a dot in the name of the thing. But you can spell dot. Dot, yeah. Like short for Dorothy. Sex Dorothy. Sex Dorothy.

Sex Dorothy dot sex. So the one that I bought just this morning, because I was chatting with my friend, and my friend said, we both agreed that we didn't like the term fuck buddy. We're like, ugh, gross. You and your friend who you have sex with casually yeah yeah yeah sex friend

she's also my roommate office roommate I mean if her and I did get together we'd be able to combine we'd be able to make like a mega room yeah

which would be cause there's a door there's a door oh yeah so much more poster room yeah yeah we could really we could finally put up that one direction Because there's a door. There's a door. Oh. Yeah. It's like poster room. Yeah. Yeah.

We could really we can finally put up that one direction. So many doubles. You have the same poster. Yeah. Mighty ducks. The team, not the movie. Well, both. These are movie posters I got from the video store.

My blue heaven was one I had on my wall as a kid. So we were talking about other, other, like if you had, for a fuck buddy. Yeah. If you had somebody who was a real, buck buddy.

Well, like a real gentleman, you'd call it like a fuck gentleman. Like somebody who's like very proper and then we were like what about fuck butler so i bought fuck butler this morning dot com i own fuck butler.com and that's how i want to be introduced on stage from now on is that going to be your personal website yeah i think i'm going to definitely direct it to my website fuck but Butler sounds wonderful.

Yeah. If you start a business, any business, I'll join. I want in. So, yeah, I want people when I'm introduced, like, what do you want me to say? Oh, Sam, the owner of fuckbutler.com. Is fuck Jeeves available? Fuck Jeeves. That would be great if you bought Fuck Weller.

They're like, you might also be interested in it. Look into Fuck Jeeves. I will, yeah, absolutely. I wonder how well that does. Because when you buy a domain name, do you own any domain names? None. None, zero. They're fun.

They're only $10, and then you just have it. Okay, well, not this Ashton Kutcher situation. No, that's true. He's gotten them down to seven grand. By not ever responding. This woman's weak as hell. I'll get them down to $10. Sonia, get it together.

And then it's, when you type in AshtonKutcher.com, it'll just direct to Fudge Butler. Fudge Butler. Ah, no. Shoot. Around the corner,udges butler somehow I forget what I was going to say how many of these do you own?

I probably own like six or no I own I think eight and they're ten dollars a piece yeah and you bought second-hand shoes recently. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Is your back hurting from the shoes?

Yeah, I can barely go anywhere. That's why I'm buying all these websites. Oh, yeah. When you buy a website, it also suggests other websites you would want to buy. Yes. I wonder how often that works. Like where somebody's like, yeah, I guess I will buy would want to buy. Yes. I wonder how often that works. Like where somebody's like, yeah, I guess I will buy.

Fuckbutler.net. Yeah,.au or.nz. Co.uk. Yeah, I don't know. I never bought another. Oh, no, maybe I did. I bought maybe one where I bought like both versions, Canadian and.com. Okay.

And then some of them lapse because they just never decide to do anything with them. You know, and they go back to the internet where they came from. Kind of like a catch and release. What happens with me is I assume they'll lapse and then they just automatically renew. Right. Oh, thanks for the charge. Yeah. right oh thanks for the charge yeah i had a charge that i like caught on my credit card and i like called the credit card company i was like what is this and they're like oh the reason you're

this is a butler service for sex yeah yeah uh they don't have a website somebody's parked on it but they said it was like oh this is a reoccurring thing but the company had changed their name like it's uh like a file sending service but like wouldn't they shouldn't they send you an email that says like hey we're we're changing the name of this so don't freak out when oh i know what that file sending service is yeah yeah yeah yeah fuck butler anyway say it rolls off the tongue. Fuck Butler. I'm going to get one.

Yeah. Yeah, get it. Yeah. I'll tell you guys about it. I'll tell you what it is. I'm not going to try to improvise what it is because I'll say what I see again. But, like, it would be a fun, if you, like, that'd be a fun birthday present to get. Hey, I bought it, here you go.

Now you've got your name.com. It's more thoughtful than. I put up one of those construction sign guys. Yeah, I should look into Kayla Lorette. It's more thoughtful than like naming a star after someone. Yeah. Because like you don't own a star. Yeah.

Right? Yeah, but you do own a website. Nobody can take that away from you. Oh, no. Hackers from you. Oh, no. Hackers, hackers. Oh, no, not that man. If any people from Anonymous are listening, we bow down to you. Yeah, yeah.

We know you are a legion. It's like such a bummer. I'm like, I can't unfollow Anonymous on Twitter because I feel like they're going to do something to me. Oh, yeah. They definitely track that. Yeah. Just mute them. You're right. Fuck those guys.

The opinions of Kayla Lorette belong to KaylaLorette.com I'm going to get doxxed. Do you guys want to move on to overheard? I'm nervous. Welcome to the Lady to Lady Show. Behind behind door number one we have fantastic weekly guests like aisha tyler french stewart dredda and more behind door number two we have road trip and sleepover games like would you rather and never have i ever the kind of games that remind you of being a kid

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Let's keep it. Yeah. Listen to our show every other Monday On Maximum Fun Yay Yay Overheard Overheard A segment in which

We Hear those things Then we come back here We talk about them things So that you can hear those things Etc Infinitum That thing

That thing That thing Exactly And we like to start with the guest i know so go ahead okay i love this segment and i always forget to listen to one. Okay, so I'm going to share an all-time, to me, classic overheard that I love very much that is very near and dear to me because I haven't heard anything recently. I was walking down a street in Toronto, and I was heading somewhere,

and there was a man, there was kind of a slight hill, and there was a man coming towards me, And this man was in roller skates. And he was holding his shoes. And he was on his cell phone. And he was coming towards me. And from what I could tell from the conversation as he's coming up, he was going to some party that he was blading to. Which I already love. And then when I passed him, this is just this moment of a human looking

so pathetic is what i love is he went all right be there soon pour me a shot and then whoever was on the other end didn't hear what he said and then he really meekly went pour me pour me a shot. And he continued to blade to this event. I just, the image of this man, like, not a cool thing to say when you're going to a party anyway. But can you imagine at the end of the night when everybody's leaving, he's putting on his roller blade. Oh, he's got a roller blade home drunk. And he's all wobbly. Because he's starting with a shot. He's asking for that shot to be prepared before he gets there.

Pour me a shot. It takes four seconds, so we can do it when you get it. No, no, no. Want it there? No, I said it, and I'll say it a second time. I'm going to blade straight through the house, grab the shot, and end up in the pool. Well, we didn't actually plan on communal alcohol, but... We told you, BYOBs.

Yeah. Oh, I thought it was bring my own blades. Did you both own rollerblades? No. No. Really? I owned two pairs. Once when I was like 11 and then I grew out of those.

And then as an 18 year old, I was like, I'm going to get some serious blades. I honestly feel like that's a Vancouver thing to me. Sure. Yeah. Well, definitely it was in the blade era. My cousin, who I think is your age, had rollerblades. How old do you think I am? I said I was 34 earlier.

We talked about this already. But she had rollerblades and How old do you think I am? I said I was 34 earlier. We talked about this already. But she had rollerblades and I thought it was so cool. Yeah, it was cool. It's not. I not only didn't have rollerblades, never owned my own pair of skates. I always just used

my dad's skates for two or three times a year I would go skating. Born with your dad's feet. Yeah, yeah. They were tight. There's no doubt about it. They were tight skates two or three times a year I would go skating born with your dad's feet yeah yeah they were tight there's no doubt about it they were tight skates oh your feet

are bigger than your dad's wider wider yeah like a real like a real pair of flintstones I got down there

sure yeah stable guy oh yeah try and knock me over wearing those Birkenstocks super easy by the way my ears are a mess. I find it funny anytime I see anyone talking on their cell phone, like, especially drivers, because I'm like, it's 2015.

No one talks on the phone at all anymore. Who are you talking to? Just do that thing where you're texting and you're pretending that you're... Casually be driving. Casually your eyeline is at your crotch. Just dealing with a casual boner while you're driving. You can't give me a ticket for that, can you? Yeah.

Can you, copper? Yeah, just having a boner that, can you? Yeah. Can you, copper? Yeah. Just having a boner. That's probably what happens. Sir, you were driving with your boner. That's what we have wrong with. One day, if the conservatives get in, am I right? Vote.

October 19th. I bet. Well. But what would that situation be? Oh, the cops are pulling me over. My alibi is I had a boner. Ooh, I better give myself a boner right now. I wasn't texting.

I was looking and smiling at my boner. Let me just, what do I have at my disposal here in the car? Ooh, Cindy Lauper's playing on the radio. That'll do. That'll do. I'll draw a quick dame on my hand. Quick dame. Dave, do you have an overheard?

Mine is an overseen. And what this is all about is a couple weeks ago, I saw something. I was walking. I had time to kill. It was a time to kill. Something was wrong with the fob for my car. Sure.

Couldn't unlock it. It was boop-boop, but there was no boop-boop on the other end. Yeah, yeah. And I had to take it to an electronics store where a guy soldered it together. And they said, come back in 45 minutes. Or no, what he said is, it'll take 45 minutes, but I'll call you, and he never called me. It probably took him two minutes.

So I had 45 minutes to kill. And I was just walking through the neighborhood, and there was one area of sidewalk, a couple of squares of sidewalk. You know how they're divided into squares. Absolutely, yeah. That's a new thing they're doing in sidewalks. Not one sheet anymore.

Yeah, just one long. So hard to lay down. And I just noticed, like, the more I thought about it, the more ridiculous it seemed. But it was, there were footsteps in the cement the dried cement but they weren't entire footsteps they were just the heels of men's shoes somebody trying somebody being like oh oh what do i do oh okay well this is fine. Yeah. I can walk for two full squares just with my heels. And so they were like, I don't know, 12 foot heel print of just a guy going, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, wow. I love that. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, wow. I love that. Yeah. That's a great overseen because you get a bonus overseen

of imagining that guy goof around. Oh, whoops. Oh, pretty great. Yeah, that's two overseens in one, so I don't have to do one next week. I'm going to take the week off. My overhead. Please.

Is it from a bus? From the doctor's office. Oh, right. You're very unhealthy. Yeah, exactly. So I'm in the doctor's office. And another person waiting. It's in an office building.

So there's no washroom in the thing. You have to go out into the hallway. There's no just like a toilet in the middle of the waiting room? Yeah. So that we all have something to do. Race each other. And so he goes up to the desk and he says, because I guess it used to be a key system. Right.

And they said, I need the key for the bathroom. And they're like, oh, there's no key anymore. And he went, yes. So stoked. So stoked. Hated the key from before. Yeah. Oh, I don't want to touch that.

In his defense. Yeah. Oh, I don't want to touch that. In his defense. Yeah, bathroom key? Gross. Yeah. Everyone who's touched that key has touched their private. Don't you feel like you kind of work wherever you are when you get that bathroom key? Because you have a responsibility not to leave it there. Yeah, yeah, that's true.

I work at the gas station. Yeah. We gave you a key attached to a ladle. We need that ladle back. And you're like, I will, I won't forget it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're all part of the same team. We need that ladle back.

We as soup orders. You immediately watching someone put that into a soup. Yeah, at Subway or whatever. Oh, come on. Subway would do it. Have you ever been in a place where they got to buzz you in to the bathroom where they're like, oh, I'll buzz you in and then you feel like you're getting into like the worst nightclub.

They never time it right. No, never. And you have to like, you have to like kind of alert like, excuse me. Yeah. Guys, apparently I'm not even going to get into this. No, come on. So I could do it.

We can handle it. Apparently, there's a website that is for people that have IBS or Crohn's or things like this where they have bathroom problems. Sure. That point you to businesses in your city that are very okay with you just coming in to use the washroom. Ah. And I think this is nice and I might pretend just so I don't feel like I have to buy something when I have to pee. Right. It was, yeah, I was downtown today and I might pretend just so I don't feel like I have to buy something when I have to pee. Right. It was, yeah, I was downtown today and I was like, hmm.

Hotels are the best. Yeah, hotels and then coffee shops. I guess, yeah. I don't know. Hotels are the best because you can just go in, pretend you're staying there with your backpack on. Hey, I'm a guest of the hotel. I'm a fancy guy. Look at me.

Look, I'm traveling on the company dime. I obviously couldn't afford this place. Don't pay attention to my Kleenex box shoes, but I am a guest of this hotel. This guy has to pee inside. Couldn't get around to shoes, but... Hey, why don't you send up a couple of those club sandwiches to my room? I'm in room 715. Sir, this is a two-story hotel.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I's a two-story hotel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm in 715 O'Clock. Anyway, what time is it? Can I do some print-offs? I've got bathrooms. I do some printing and I get back there and do some print-offs. Yeah, where's the business center?

I've got to take a leak. I've got to fax a leak. I'm going to piss in that CD drive. I'm sorry, I'm bad CD drive. I'm sorry. I'm bad at life. I've got Crohn's. I got an app who said I could be here. Who said?

Oh, man. God, when we start to personify our apps, you know, that's the future. Anyway, what segment's next? We're still in overheards. We also have overheards that people have sent in via emails from business centers around the globe. Yes, from

hotel business centers. If you want to send one in to us, you can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org. What would you use a hotel business center for in 2015? I will tell you exactly what I've used it for. Printing? Printing.

Right. 100% printing. And maybe a scan back, yeah. Yeah. Oh, like sign a contract? Yeah. Ten years ago, you would... Oh, not everyone had a laptop or an iPad or a phone.

Yeah. So you would check your email. Yeah. On someone else's clickety-clackety keyboard. Check in on your various domains that you bought. Google.com. This is that long ago. Wow.

Yeah. Someone who just got Google.com. Checking in on it. Yep. Things are all right. So this first one comes from adi i think that i'm

pronouncing a-d-i or addy yeah maybe addy addy p or 80 could be

cute both ways yeah it's a cute name if you're a woman yeah or if you're a fella fellas can be cute it's 2015 fellas can be cute uh was trying to

listen to eastbound and down on youtube i'm assuming the song oh yeah yeah and i just watched a bud light commercial about some, this is his wording, or her wording. Oh, depending how cute. Yeah. About some dumb shit town that the company apparently builds. Sorry, start that sentence again. Okay. So before listening to Eastbound and Down on YouTube, an ad

played, and it's a Bud Light commercial about some dumb shit town that the company apparently builds. So they build a town. Bud Light is building a town. Bud Light builds a town. Good point. I wasn't paying too much attention,

but I heard the following. This once-in-a-lifetime event is happening again. Pretty good. Yeah. Pretty good. You really stepped in it this time, Bud Light. But that seems like a thing that is now, like, things that companies do. They're but that seems like a thing that is now like things that companies do they're like we built a thing and now you gotta enter the thing to be a citizen of bud town oh we

took a band and then we made them think they were playing a bad show but they're playing a good show oh yeah that was that was a real thing wasn't that coors Light or Bud Light it was definitely a light beer there's no way every beer company meeting they must be just they drunk right when they come up with these fucking ideas it's a summer camp for adults and it'll be gross yeah I mean no women will want to go but in the ads they'll put the sexiest women women we can think of. Don't worry, we'll hire women to go. Yeah, we'll hire women and the gross men will just follow because they're gross. They won't talk to women, likely. Shy to the point. Oh, that would be the best.

You go to Camp Bud Light and then it's just all men standing on one side of the dance floor. All these promotional girls trying to make it cool. Yeah, and the guys are like, I promotional girls. Trying to make it cool. Yeah. And the guys are like, I'm scared. I like a light beer. Yeah. I only like drinking beer. I need 60 beers to get drunk enough to talk to one of you.

Where's the bathroom? Where's the business center? I have to print out some gifts. I want to print off some GIFs. I want to print off some guitar chords to play around the campfire. Some tablatures. Yeah. I want to know how to play that new Fleet Foxes song. You got mandolin?

So this next one comes from Shannon in Houston, houston texas that's a woman yeah absolutely my friend found this she sent a photo along uh as evidence in her six-year-old's bag this is a list that she this six-year-old has written bad words i've heard isn't the title and they're not they're not only bad words I've heard, they're the bad words and where she heard them from. So the first one is stupid. That's from Lily. We don't say that.

That's Lily taught her stupid. Shut up from TV show. Okay. But the spelling's good on all these? Any of the S's backwards? No, the spelling's good on all these? Any of the S's backwards? No, the spelling's good, but this is very done with a felt pen.

It's a semi-cute. So we learned stupid from Lily, shut up from TV show, crap from Papa, sex from magazine. What? I know! What kid is reading? What magazines were you reading at six? Ranger What? No. What kid is reading? What magazines were you reading at six? Ranger Rick? Yeah.

The Muppet Magazine? Yeah, Muppet Magazine, Goofus and Gallant. Sex from Magazine is a great title. Yeah. In this month's edition, Sex from Magazine. Sex from Magazine. And then finally, and fuck from mom. Whoa.

I know. We really. We stepped it up. We jumped. What did papa do? Crap. Crap. Crap.

Mom full fuck. Yeah. It's probably her sex magazine that she saw. Right. Like cursing at that sex magazine. I think that's when the first time I ever saw

the word sex was probably on like a Cosmo or something like that. Yeah. I remember looking through Cosmo. Yeah, like a waiting room somewhere. Like, ways to pleasure a man and me just like not understanding, but feverishly looking through. Yeah, burn a mattress in front of him. Look at how these silhouettes are having sex.

I learned all my sex from mud flaps. I learned all my sex from mud flaps. As a parent, Margo does not say words. So I'm not yet worried. Well, she kind of says cheese. Whenever we bring out cheese, she goes. But whenever you bring out your fob, she also says cheese. Yeah. It's the same.

Sounds like an old ghost is caught in her throat. But it's a worry when we're going to have to stop swearing around her. It's got to be soon. It's got to be right around. You got another couple months, maybe, of, like, cool swearing time. Yeah. I mean, we try not to, but sometimes... Oh, boy, she's such a shit.

Yeah, yeah. And you just love certain words that you just don't want to give up, you know? Oh, yeah, like fuck butler. Yeah. I think it's cool if her first words are fuck butler. Well, it would be great if she said fuckbutler.com. And if it was on video.

That's going to be a huge promotion for whatever this company is. Yeah. I build a town and invite drunk men to hang out with promo girls. It's a proven business model. Can you imagine? Oh, God. Winning one of those? Oh, we got the lucky 12 pack of beer.

Yeah. And now we have to go to fuck camp. Yeah. But it's like, they're just like, it would just be drinking and weird. And drinking a lot, like having to drink a lot of a light beer. So you're so bloated and uncomfortable. Do you have any water? No, we just have the one drink.

Do you have like whiskey or anything else or something to numb me? Yeah, well, you can stand inside of this fart tank and just power the whole thing. Excuse me? Because you're so bloated from all of the beers. Good business option. Absolutely. This last one. And Boobastank is playing.

Dog's Eye View will be playing their hit. Three Doors Down. This one's from Stephanie R. My husband is a bartender. I was hanging out at the bar Waiting for him to get off work Couple of guys come up and take a seat at the bar They were your typical Texas bro type So I assume this is from Texas

Yeah Confederate flag shirts No That's not even Texas No, but you know I mean, it's a part that lives in all of us Yeah Our rebel

Our rebel soul And also racist Yeah, our What were those guys? The Dukes of Havre I mean, it's a part that lives in all of us. Yeah. Our rebel soul. And also racist. Yeah. What were those guys? The Dukes of Hazzard? There we go. The Jumps of what?

The jump over things in their cars. The Jumps of Hazzard. Yeah, the Jumps of Hazzard. Backwards, they were wearing Confederate flag shirts. Backwards, caps. They were both wearing Confederate flag shirts? No, they were sharing one. Okay. And a few minutes go by

and I hear one of the guys tell his friend, now I don't want to sound gay, but Yoda is awesome. So... Gay icon Yoda. Liza Yoda. Yeah.

Yeah, he's a real friend of of Yoda if you know what I'm saying he's a real scissor sister saber sister it implies either that's wonderful it implies that absolutely he has sexualized Yoda in a way that he's only aware of he's like I don't mean to

be gay in his mind he's only aware of. He's like, I don't mean to be gay. In his mind, he's just beautifully kissing this small creature. Yoda, the most sexless character in the history of fiction? Absolutely. I mean, like, but you're kissing Yoda, and then you realize your feet are off the ground? He's like lifting you up a little bit? That's pretty hot.

Who's sexier Yoda or um um the one who takes the ring in Lord of the Rings oh

Gull Gusset Gusset yeah Gusset Gusset Prince Jr um so

I mean well they've both got really sexy qualities cause Yoda's like he's definitely gonna take his time right but then Gollum

he's gonna really follow you around everywhere Gollum's got he's insatiable yeah yeah yeah yeah he never gives up yeah

I guess it's if you wanna have control or not have control that's true yeah and it also you know it speaks to like do you need something

you know or you wanna to like, do you need something? You know, or you want to be the big one? Yeah. You got a ship in the pond or you got a ring to get rid of? I think you're bigger than both Yoda and Gumblet. Grumly.

It would have made more sense if he had said, I don't mean to sound gay, but C-3PO is awesome. Yeah, because definitely C-3PO, he's the gay icon of the Star Wars. If you had to, yeah, I guess, yeah, if you had to pick. I mean. He also is most likely to play tennis.

Also, let's. He looked lovely in white. I think Han Solo probably also, probably a gay icon of the Star Wars universe. Yeah. Right? He ends up, oh no, he ends up with Leia. Who does Luke end up with? Luke.

Not his sister. Yeah. Luke is sexless in a way. He is kind of sexless. And it was funny that he didn't know that his sister was the only other woman in the entire universe of that movie. When somebody warned him, like, there's another one. Uh-huh.

And then, you know, you have a sister that he didn't put it together. He's like, oh, I've only met, other than my aunt, I know one woman. Yeah. I never would have fallen for my twin sister because my first topic of conversation as Kaylin knows

is what's your birthday? This guy is on a hard hunt. Oh, it's my birthday too. Maybe we're twins. Let's not kiss. Let's not kiss. Let's do it once and just feel it out.

I can't stop thinking about kissing Yoda and like looking down and like, oh, we're floating. That's why you can never hook up with Chuck Norris. He might be my twin. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you would like to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328. Like these people.

Yeah. Hey, Dave Graham and wonderful guests. I haven't overheard. We were walking back from eating at our college dining hall, and we heard someone talk about they're going to pee somewhere. And the person in line said, don't talk to me about the... Okay, he has a short throat. Talk to me about being inappropriate. Okay, he has a sore throat.

One of the girls was like, don't talk to me about peeing in inappropriate places. Dave once peed on two guys inside a movie theater at someone's house. It was like we were just talking about Yoda and then it was this like the most Yoda voiced guy. I was so worried we'd have to listen to that whole thing and not be able to say anything because we would be worried that he had something wrong with his throat. I would never.

Yeah. No. When I first heard the call, when I screened it, I was like, oh, I can't play this. And then it was just a sore throat. Yeah. So funny. Hurt taking control. Okay.

Sorry. He has a sore throat. The thing is, he. But we had to do this now. Yeah. And also, The overheard itself Doesn't make any sense Because it was

Somebody peed on somebody in a theater In a movie theater in a house Oh well I mean you know A rich person Could have a movie theater in a house Personal theater Yeah absolutely

But you wouldn't call that a movie theater You'd call that a home theater Yeah Yeah Would she go down on you in a home theater. You'd call that a home theater. Yeah. Yeah. Would she go down on you in a home theater? A movie theater. Yeah, right. What a song.

I loved that. I loved the woman in that. What? Oh, the lady who took it? Or Alanis. Yeah. And the character from You Oughta Know. The character from the play You Oughta Know.

All right, next phone call. David Graham! It's Ivan, your cool bro. Listen, this is a drug dial flash overheard. I finished a show with James Kennedy, and we're standing outside of a bar,

and there was a woman in the bar on the dance floor the whole time, and she was a disaster, to say the least. Like, she was almost making out with a speaker at one point, falling down, bumping into everybody, spilling drinks, and we're standing outside of the bar at the end of the night waiting for a cab, and there's a guy talking to her who says, all loud that everybody can hear, you get prettier the longer I talk to you.

Which made James and I both laugh so hard that I think we missed our cab. You get prettier the longer I talk to you. That's not a bad compliment. That's really beautiful. Yeah. That's past guest Ivan Decker. Yeah. Thanks for calling, Ivan.

With a fun combo drunk dial over her. Very good. Yeah, I thought that was going to be darker than it was, but I think someone saying that would be lovely. That's how I feel about myself. That you get- Get prettier the more someone talks to me. It's all personality.

But it's also drunk talk. It's like, hey, let's do this. And that girl's just like someone on a desert island sees someone turn into a pork chop. She's picturing him turn into a speaker. Her true love of the night. She's trying to go home with it.

Pulling it out. Men, please put that PA down. Ooh, boy. This guy's got woofers and tweeters. Pretty great. All right. Here's your final overheard of 2015. That can't be right.

Hi, Dave and Graham and possible guests. Hi. This is Kiernan from New York. I saw a man with his maybe four-year-old son, and the father was chastising the kid for farting too much. And the little boy said, Dad, it's not me. It's my body. No.

Like, he's, yeah, I'm not meaning to do it. Yeah. That's a modern boy. It kind of takes you back to your hypothetical question about being put in someone else's body. Yeah.

Well, it's not me. Yeah, yeah. I just jumped in this body. Oh, boy. Probably a pro athlete just jumped into that kid's body. Yeah. A quantum leaper. Wait a minute.

Scott Bacula's... In this scenario, a pro athlete is jumping into shittier bodies than... Well, yeah, he's got to trade bodies with one of us. Oh, man. He just runs to the bathroom and lifts up his shirt And is like Oh no So I'm in the middle Of a podcast With you

And suddenly Someone with a Bobsled personality Shows up Oh they fall apart Yeah Or would they just Take the podcast

In a Like interesting New direction Yeah that's true Yeah Bob Yeah Bobsled podcast

Bobcast Bobcast I don't podcast. Bobcast. Bobcast. I don't hate it. Bobcast gold. Thwait. Yeah. Thwait.

Gah. Gah. Gah. Well, that brings us to the end of this here program. Kayla. Wonderful. Such a fun guest. Thank you for being a guest on our show.

Thanks for having me. What a blast. Do you have anything that you would like to plug that you have upcoming in the mid to late Octobers? Or perhaps the Novembers? Yeah, I mean, other than some just loose improv shows, I'd say. Do you perform with a group or a company? Well, I perform with the Sufferettes with Becky Johnson who's wonderful but she's working at Second City

in Toronto right now so I'm just going to do a soft float into the winter but people can... A soft float? Like a leaf. Or like a

small slow parade. Yes. This is a real soft float. It's not going to be good. The marshmallow parade. People can follow me on Twitter and I usually talk about stuff on there. Yeah?

What's your name there? At Kayla Lorette. That wasn't taken? No, I got that early. This guy didn't nab it up. Yeah, yeah. Start buying domains. At Fuck Butler.

Yeah. Couldn't get that one. You should probably get it. Are you the only Kayla Loret Kayla you've ever heard of? Yeah, well, Kayla's kind of a brutal 80s name, so there's not many of us. Was it really an 80s name? Yeah, I'm named after a soap opera character. No way.

She dated a man named Nick who had an eye patch. Is that from Days of Our Lives? Yes. Oh, my God. Nick Eye Patch. Nick Eye Patch. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. It God. Nick Eyepatch. Nick Eyepatch. Wow. Yeah.

Yeah. It's funny he lost that one. My name's from the Bible, so it's been a while. Classic stuff. Mine is just some fucking made-up thing. Graham. Yeah, it's not from anywhere. It doesn't really.

Beautiful name. Eh, my parents grabbed it at the last second. I thought it was going to be a girl. I think my mom was high on drugs. She didn't like that show. She was like, Kayla. Let's name her Nick. Let's name her Eyepatch.

So, yeah. So, Twitter, please. Follow me on Twitter. Yeah, at Kayla Lorette. Yeah, I'd like to get over 4,000 followers. You deserve it. What are you at now? Three something. Let's push it. over 4,000 followers. You deserve it. What are you at now? Three something.

Let's push it. She's at three followers. She wants to get over to 4,000. I mean, we'll do our best. We're not miracle workers here. That's fun. Right? You're not wrong.

And like we said at the top of the podcast. We'll be in Calgary on the 15th. Yeah. Vote in Canada on the 19th. Mm-hmm. Uh, vote your conscience. Yeah. Yeah. Or, you know, vote strategically.

I don't know. But if you want to have a boner in your car. You know who to vote for. Yeah. If you want to have a boner in your car, just have a boner in your car. Yeah. The cops can't arrest you for that. Um, and.

Yet. Yet. Yet. Can't arrest you for that. Yet. Yet. Also, we did a live show in Edmonton with Kayla Lorette. Kayla Lorette.

When should we release that? Back to back, same day. Same day. Oh, that's not happening. That's confusing. Next day. Well, really? Okay.

Yeah. One, two, punch. You know what? Two days after this comes out. You know what? Two days after this comes out. You know what? Two weeks. And if you like the show, go over to MaximumFun.org. Check out the blog recap, pictures and videos relating to the content of this here podcast.

Oh, what are we talking about? Well, I'll have some tennis. Sure. You know, that guy that you said that had the acid wash. Yoda kissing a boy. Yeah, yeah. I'll Photoshop something. Yeah, sexy Yoda.

Please do. Those were the two main things. Absolutely no one needs to hear us recap this podcast. Yeah, they were there for it. Yeah, and if you like the show, tell your friends. Come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. When I played The Sims, I was so into the idea of kids living on their own.

It's like I would have a bunch of kids, and then the parents I'd put in the pool and then take the ladder away, and then the parents would die, and the kids just would have to order pizza because they weren't allowed to use the stove. Negligent pizza man who keeps showing up. That's that baby house again. House is a mess. So many pizza boxes.

Two graves in the backyard. Well, the parents, they had to bury them somewhere. You can sell the graves, but I wouldn't do that. Sell the graves? Yeah, I think you get seven. Oh, you can build graves in your backyard and sell them to other families? Plots? Yeah.

In The Sims, they don't have cemeteries? Cemeteries? I think they just, if they die inside, they're urns, and if they die outside, they're like headstones. Headstones. All right. Huh. Can you bury somebody in your backyard? No.

Not legally. Not legally. How come, though? Are you allowed to even bury dogs legally? I know we buried our dog in the yard, but I don't know if we... Yeah, we definitely buried a dog in the yard. I think because... Not our dog.

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