Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 399 - Al Madrigal

Episode Date: November 9, 2015

Comedian Al Madrigal returns to talk about having no game, museums, and hoedowns.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 399 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's counting down the seconds to episode 400, which will be celebrated in style with its own art show at Hot Art Wet City. Okay, I thought you were going to announce some kind of packaging.

Get the four discs set. Yeah, the Criterion Collection in a thing that looks like Grandpa. Mr. Dave Schumpke. Hi, Graham. Good to see you. Good to see you, too. We're recording this on a Monday at noon. Yeah.

Which is early in the week. Yeah, we'll do a weekend noon or a weeknight night yeah yeah but oh i think this might be a first yeah yeah like monday like woof like oh i'm looking at my i had to tell someone to take a job and shove it oh really i could record the day well i mean i didn't know the guy and our guest today uh returning guest friend of of the show, regular guest here on Stop Podcasting Yourself, very funny comedian, Mr. Al Madrigal. Hey! Hey, Al!

It's good to be back. This is great. Yeah, this is a regular gig for me. Yeah, yeah. I'm glad that it's turned into a regular thing. And Monday, you're really rolling up your sleeves, clocking in, doing some work. Yes. Yeah, it's work. Yes. Yeah.

It's an important time. It's morning in America, but it's noon here in Canada. Yeah. But we're putting in the hours, getting more done by noon than some people get done by two. We're not bragging a lot. Yeah, yeah. But we're like a little ahead of the curve. Should we get to know us?

Sure. Get to know us. So, Al, you're in town shooting. Just shooting a show called Lucifer. Apparently, it was a graphic novel. About five of those came out. And now it's a show on Fox where the devil has decided to quit.

He quit. Oh, he quit. And like now he's just going to hang out. He becomes a bartender, I think. Oh, okay. He took his money. Yeah, he took his devil money, cashed out and he's a Vancouver,

no, he's LA. Yeah, that would be very weird of Fox to set a show in Vancouver. Although convenient. They all film here. That's true. That's true. So I'm staying at this hotel that's now packed with all of these character actors. You go to the gym and you don't know any of their names, but it's all these guys you've

seen before. Oh, awesome. And they're shooting The Flash or Arrow or whatever. Exactly. you've seen before. Oh, awesome. And they're shooting The Flash or Arrow or whatever. Well, Flash and all those shows. So all of the, yeah, a lot of CW shows are shot up here

and then a bunch of Fox shows are up here. So Lucifer and doing that, I get to play a nerd who kills somebody. Yes. A murderer.

A murderer. Yes. Does Lucifer make you kill? No, he doesn't make me kill. He finds out. This is a big spoiler for the entire. This show is not going to air for so long after this. And you'll automatically know.

Yeah. I'm sure I just broke some rules. Well, yeah. Don't say anything further. All right. We just know that you're a nerd murderer. Yeah. That sounds like a Hamburglar.

That's great to be shooting that because, you know, typically I play fourth banana on a sitcom. It's me going in and going, all right, who stole my lunch, guys? I labeled it, and that's the last time, Kathy. So, yeah, that's the last time, Kathy. So, yeah, that's always what I do. And so now, and then I go back to L.A., and I get to shoot another thing. I'm dying up here, which is this Jim Carrey-produced Showtime show with Melissa Leo and Alfred Molina. Oh, wow. It's this major thing.

It's set in a comedy store. Right. Did you read the book? It's a great book. I know set in a comedy store. Right. Did you read the book? I know the book. I read of it. Yeah, so the comedy store improv, when people started coming out, so Jay Leno, Jim Carrey. Oh, it's set in that. Yeah, exactly.

Oh, wow. So it's set in that time. So I get to amazing wig and do some standup. I play Edgar Martinez, sort of a Freddie Prinze-style character. Cool. I'm on acid. So a lot of cool acting. Nice.

Yeah. Like, is this show, the comedy one, is it the actual people in it, or they're all like, this is the Jay Leno-esque character? Yeah, I don't think they got life rights for anybody. Bill Hicks is Bill Hobbs. Well disguised. Right? Try and figure out which one is Bill Hicks.

So, yeah, they're doing that. And then the last time I was up here was in April. We worked together at that comedy mix. Yeah. And I went back to that comedy mix, this Vancouver Comedy Club. A lot of changes happening there because the manager guy. Different manager? mix. Yeah. And I went back to that comedy mix, this Vancouver Comedy Club. A lot of changes happening there because the manager guy.

Different manager? Yeah. Yeah. He had just, it was too much. It was too long of hours. He seemed a little overwhelmed. So he,

and he, he likes playing the poker. So he's like gone on a bunch of poker tours. What? Is he like a professional? Yeah, like I guess he makes some money.

Which is a horrible gambling addiction. No, he's degenerate. Now he's terrible at it. But he just likes being around. He likes the conversation. He loves Asian guys in sunglasses. And he can't. It's a thing.

Yeah. So new manager. And what else is new there? I thing. Yeah, so new manager. And what else is new there? I think that's it. New manager. Seems like it. Still free popcorn? Yep.

Still doing a horrible job seating people in the front row. When we were there, was it Saturday night that had the Cokeheads? Yeah. A couple things happened on the Saturday night that I was in town. Yeah. They sat three guys on cocaine in the front row yeah that's one of which is like the skinhead who looked like he'd kill you in the street yeah so i said to the guys at one point i said you guys are clearly doing cocaine

you're going back to the bathroom you've gone three times throughout the show three guys in the bathroom together. You're doing drugs, right? And you also took away their bucket of beer. I took their beer. Oh, yeah. I think you told them. You told them. It might have been the Friday then.

Yeah. And they were doing Coke, and then we had to take their beers. But then we went out on Saturday night. Yeah. And the best thing happened. You and Graham. We went out. And I had to get picked up

on Sunday at 3.45 in the morning. So you decided we're going to just go right through. Yeah. And Graham, as the,

you were the emcee that night. Yeah, yeah. And it's like sort of the law that you have to chaperone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're in charge

of the headliner for the whole weekend. Yeah, yeah. So when the headliner says I'm gonna make you Go out for drinks Even though you don't want to Yeah you gotta

You gotta It's gotta go You'll see on this upcoming Showtime show That's based on a comedy club It's a lot of that Yeah it's a lot of that So

We go out to The That Bad The winking judge Yeah the winking judge And we sit at the bar, we're sitting at a table and just sitting there having some drinks,

talking stand-up, which comedians usually do, and two shots of Jack Daniels come over to the table. Yeah, unsolicited Jack. Unsolicited, two Jack shots. And the guy, the waitress, it's a guy, and he says, those are from those people over there. And it's two ladies at the bar. So there's two ladies at the bar buying us shots, which again, that's happened to me once in my life.

Yeah. It mostly just happens in movies as a device to get people together. It doesn't really happen. Oh, wow. What a gesture. Six dollars. So, we say, we're not going to, they must, obviously, these are women that were at the show.

These are women that were at the show. Why else would these ladies be buying us drinks? Yeah. We're not going to go over there and talk to them. What we can do to show our appreciation, we're going to return the favor. Two shots of Jack coming coming right back out. In fact, could it be these two? Because I'm sort

of out of Canadian money. So the two shots go back, and we decide we're not going over there. Now, Graham, did you both decide this, or did, as the MC, you have to go along with what else? No, it was a unanimous decision.

I think we were both very like, oh my God, what do we do? Have you ever had drinks sent to you? I've had people send shots to me while I was on stage. Yeah, I've had that too. But not like courtesy of the lady at the bar. No, the first time ever. What's the name of that Robert Redford movie where he offers a million dollars? Indecent Proposal.

Indecent Proposal. Yeah. I think that started with two shots of Jack. Because that's a decent proposal. Yeah. Yeah. So we send the shots back. And then I think another half hour goes by.

And we're still unsure. We're questioning if they meant they got the right table. Yeah, I think that was our first instinct was, oh, that dumb bartender delivered it to the wrong table. You asked me and those strapping guys over there. Who would, what? Yeah. And they must have been at the show. That's what happened.

So let's get them back. And this isn't like a meat market style. No, this is like a pub. This is 12 people in the bar. Yeah. Total. Yeah, yeah. So like, but we're sure that like some line of communication has been crossed.

And we got some illegal shots. Quick to them before they can take them away. They join us at our table. They walk over. They're the ones that initiate everything.

Yeah. Everything. So they come, they turn out to be two attractive 25-year-old ladies Yeah. who did not

go to the show. Yeah. Just two strange ladies. And this is, they weren't pranking you? No. Well, we didn't pranking you? No. We didn't know at the time whether they were pranking us.

I thought they were after a kidney after a while. I'm going to wake up in a bathtub with organs gone. Yeah, she kept licking her lips. Mouth watering kidney. Then one says to me, you know, I'm married 14 years. And then one says, no. She says, I really love to go to strip clubs. I want to go to strip clubs right now.

Yeah. Multiple? Yeah. Yeah, and I was like, in my head, I'm like, where are they? Where are they in town? None close to here. What strip clubs? Where would you go to sit? I get picked up at 345 in the morning. The strip None close to here. What strip clubs? Where would you go to see?

I get picked up at 345 in the morning. The strip clubs close at 11. Yeah. That's right. I don't know how these strip clubs operate. So there's nothing that's going to happen. But we, I'm not going out of my way. You know, this does not happen to me.

Yeah. This has never happened to you. Never happened to me. Yeah. This has never happened to you. Never happened to me. So it was very funny to, like, if you could have watched two guys in a situation that it was just lofted up there. Like, it was the alley-oop of. Yeah. Take these ladies. Real underhand pitch. And then look on their faces when we just looked at each other and said, all right, guys, nice talking to you.

We got to go. Yeah, we got to wrap this up. And walked away. Wow. Okay, the first thing that comes up. Yeah, sure. A thing that does happen in movies is that a hooker will start a thing where she assumes that the two of the the other person knows that she's a hooker that these were not hookers they were not hookers but that did cross

my mind when she started talking about strip clubs i was like is this some sort of like she's like oh i know a strip club nobody knows about we go to a place and they just murder us we both thought we were gonna die yeah yeah that way i think our instinct was never like it was never like oh these girls just want to talk to us we were like it's a prank it's a murder it's a not and it didn't also it was completely we could not wrap our heads like they thought we were attractive like that never crossed into our minds. This is either a mistake or they're crazy

or they need a green card. They're going to kill us. They're going to kill us. Graham, I don't remember, at this time were you a single fella? Yeah. So did it cross your mind that you could just ditch Al?

No, because, first of all, the rule is when you're an MC You gotta stick with the headliner no matter what Until his plane is there We will not be having sex with these attractive women We are going home What? Well, that's the rule You could have split off and done something. But see, I think the lady that you, because they kind of situated ourselves.

That was my other question. They paired up right away. Okay. Yeah. So I think you were with the one that seemed less insane. Yes. And I was with the one that was like, no, like crazy eyes. Yeah, crazy eyes. Yes. And I was with the one that was like, no, like, crazy eyes.

Yeah, crazy eyes. So, okay, were the crazy eyes a big turn off? Uh, well, they were like,

hmm, I don't know, like, there might be craziness behind those crazy eyes. Um, so, yeah,

no, it never, well, it never occurred to me because it's such a, obviously, I have no game. Yeah. obviously, I have no game. Yeah.

I have zero game. I don't have any interest in talking to any women. I've been married with my wife for 16 years. Oh, yeah. I can barely have a conversation because I know it's just not, I mean, I look and I have plenty of female friends. I talk to them about stuff, you know, I can talk to ladies. and I talk to him about stuff. You know, I can talk to ladies. But when my friend goes up,

the comedian here on Saturday night is Dan Soder, who's a great comic, good friend of mine. We went out and he said, and we're going to meet some girls after the show. And I've got about a half hour of, I can be a good wingman and talk my friend up. And then they started talking to me about some fucking fishing island they lived on. And I was like, ugh.

Hey, you're like, ugh. Hi. You're like, hi. I can't. We come from a town of 13,000. We all go to the same high school. Why do they have southern accents? Everyone from a rural town has a southern accent. Your town has less than 50,000 people.

That's all I hear after a while. Now, but you've been married for 14 years. 14 years, coming up on my 15th wedding anniversary, yes. So how did you meet your wife? I met her at stand-up comedy. She was actually in the audience. She was there. You know this.

No, no, no. But I'm just like, yeah, no, I can see, like, people with no game, they don't go up and meet women. They're just like, it's some in or... I always needed an introduction. I need to wear on you after a while. Yeah, yeah. My wife was just like, my friend, like, and then maybe a little more. No, that's what it is.

It's like, I, and then you have that basis. I was introduced through friends. She was at this comedy show, but we had a mutual friend and I expressed interest. And she said, no way, I'm not going to date a comedian. Those guys are all crazy. She's right. Yeah. And then I went to the she was teaching at a school for homeless children in the Mission District in San Francisco.

And I went by after work and played basketball with these kids. Oh, wow. That's like something out of a movie. And she. This guy. I saw her looking out the window as she was teaching a class. I was like, hmm. I'm scoring points.

I'm scoring points on the court and in her heart. Yeah. Just punch a homeless kid in the face. Get the fuck off me. Wow. Dude, now, I don't mean to pry too much into your relationship. No, no, whatever. But it sounds like you were working as a stand-up comedian.

I was barely. I'd only been doing it for like nine, ten months. Okay. And so that's also a great thing about my relationship is that my wife really saw me get paid gig number one right so she's been you know this has been tough on her i've been in vancouver for seven days yeah yeah she's had to deal with our kids fall festival volunteer hours and just do take care of everything. I mean, costumes, probably. There's one being made. Oh, boy.

Ice cream man. Oh, nice. Really? With actual ice cream. Really? It's a little overboard. That's outstanding. With actual ice cream?

Well, it was just going to be actually, there's stuff called great stuff. Do you know about it? Yeah. Seal cracks if you want to go around with this so no rats get in. Yes. You told me all about it. Stop. You put that on top of cones, and then you can spray paint it, and it looks like ice cream or popcorn depending on what you want to do.

Oh, wow. I'll show you some pictures. Because last time you were here, you said you were off ice cream. You're not allowed any more milkshakes. That's right, Derek, because I'm on the Crestor. Crestor. Taking heart medication. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm an the Crestor. Crestor. Taking heart medication. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm an old guy who has no business having chicks. No, it is your wife. But you don't look like an old guy. I always play the friend of somebody who's like 35. Yeah. Yeah, like us. Yeah. Yeah, you could play our friend.

Yeah. Sure. Why not? I believe it. We could go out to a bar together. What? Two shots of Jack Did you tell your wife this story

About the two women Oh right away Okay That's the other thing It's like full disclosure on it Can you believe this Hey honey Chicks tried to pick me up

Yeah No You're not crazy Yeah Other ladies like me You're not alone I found one more. But when you were first dating, you were working as a stand-up comedian.

She's working with homeless children. Yeah. That's a very night and day of the. No, it's not. Do you not think? Well, I was a strong believer and I still am of one headshot per household. I think that works out.

And also, I love the fact that she, there's a couple things that attracted me to my wife. The first date, she said Bruce Campbell

was her favorite actor. Nice. And I've immediately smitten and like, oh, not going to find another one of these again

because I broke up with a girl because she didn't know who Don Knotts was sure and so I really I could see that though I could see being like

if you don't know who Don Knotts is then you probably don't know like this is gonna be everything else yeah I don't wanna have so you want

big thing for us she turned out to be an amazing cook so much that we encourage her and me and the kids constantly encourage her to go on one of

those shows where she could master chef oh yeah the home chef becomes the master yeah exactly she's that good and she is she's amazing so she bakes she's nice and uh she put herself through school and had no support from her family graduated from cal teaching credential from sf state and then went and put herself, you know. She's like a superwoman. And now she's wasting it on homeless kids. Oh, man. She was teaching at this very low-income school in Bernal Heights in San Francisco

called Paul Revere, and it was upsetting for her and me because the apparentacher conference night, and five parents would show up. Oh, wow. It was just a really, it was very tougher. I thought it was going to go the other way. What? Too many parents showed up.

Too many parents, I'm saying. Oh, boy, they're the worst. No, I think that's the problem that my kids, teachers have because 100% of their mom and dad are there, and everyone's in their business constantly. So she didn't have any parent involvement, which was very upsetting. That must be so difficult as a teacher to remember every kid and have like a ton of things. To remember every kid's name.

But all these things to say. I know, but like they just probably say, oh, he could apply himself more. It's all bullshit. If you think it is, it's all they just have. You know, everyone in class loves them. It's very popular and we just think effort is there. What did your teachers say about you when you were a kid? Well, I don't know.

I just know about myself. Well, I don't know. I just know about myself. Yeah, I was like that Jason Schwartzman in Rushmore where I was involved in all of the activities. Right. But my grades were abysmal and I think it's undiagn would get a 3.1 and then a 1.4 like i knew i had to balance it all out right and then you know ended up graduating from usf where i'm still two credits short from graduating but i but you threw a cap and gown you know i became i knew what i knew what was happening and so i already joined i joined' family business. We talked about that last time. Yeah, yeah. Me being the fixer.

But I knew I was going to become this fixer. I didn't need. I threw a cap in the air. And then you were like. I took a picture. Yeah, freeze frame. Freeze frame while the cap's in the air. See ya.

Yeah. Then an update. Al went on to do stand-up comedy. The cap landed on the ground and was never picked up. on to do stand-up comedy. The cap landed on the ground and was never picked up. So I knew what I was sort of getting into and

with that I really just didn't matter, I guess. Yeah, I like that. What were you? What would your teachers have said? The things I said, like doesn't apply himself but like has a, you know, he's paying attention and has, you know, right energy, but like doesn't, has never done a line of homework in his life.

I used to cheat so much. I had to. I had to resource, be resourceful and, and get grades in other ways. And that's actually communicate. I mean, I walked up to a teacher, it was Dr. Parker, senior year of high school. And last days. And he had been busted down from the hospital.

Yeah. I'm going to bust you all the way down to high school. Yeah. Physics teacher. And I said, Dr. Parker, I think I'm in danger of failing your class. And he goes, oh, Mr. Magical, for students like you, we don't believe in Fs. We believe in Bs.

Go on, enjoy yourself. Oh, wow. What does that mean? I was always very nice to everyone. Like everyone liked, I was very well liked. I was a student body treasurer. I was the, I wrote a column in the newspaper. I was the guy that just. Yeah. Ask newspaper. I was the guy that just, yeah.

Ask Al. Ask Al, I love that. Did you believe in bees? What if he like had a bunch of bees? Yeah, like a hive of bees. And you misunderstood. He's like, oh, no, come back, Al. I'm talking about my bees.

I believe in bees. And it's just attacked by them. Sticks them on me. It's the swarm. Ask Al. I like it. Did you, I know, like I never, I didn't do well in school. I never skipped a class.

Oh, yeah. I was present. Yeah. I was very present. You showed up. I was there. Yeah. I didn't understand what they were talking about. But you were there. I was very present. You showed up. I was there. Yeah. I didn't understand what they were talking about.

But you were there. I was there. It was mostly because, well, no, I just didn't have, I was happy to, it was fine to be there. But I never, I heard that they had this system where if you miss a class, an automated phone call comes back to your house and tells your parents. Oh, sure. Wow. So I had, but I would but they totally nurtured everything. I was the salutatorian.

I gave a humorous speech at the end of the year that killed. It's the reason why I stand up comic. And so they really did. What's a salutatorian? That's the valedictorian. The best students. Best grades. Salutatorian.

Grades did not enter into the picture. This is the funniest guy. Oh, okay. We just wanted to give a speech. And was that the first time when you were up on stage and you were like getting laughs? This student body treasurer speech killed. Really? Yes.

The kid that actually ran up against me, I beat him so hard, he transferred. What? Like he was like, I got to get out of here. There was 1,300 students and I got like 1,200 votes. Wow. The vice principal called me into an office and goes, hey, we can't post. We usually post the numbers. Yeah.

Oh, right. We're not going't post. We usually post the numbers. Yeah. Oh, right. But we're not going to post. Yeah. But we are transferring this kid because we've decided he can't be here anymore. That's what should happen with presidential elections. You should just have to transfer. Yeah. We're going to send you out.

And we're not going to post the results of who won. So was there 100% voter turnout in this high school? Yeah. Everyone voted. Yeah. Well, then why don't young people vote? What happens between high school and voting age? Because they don't come to your classroom or whatever

You know what It would be mandatory to get a driver's license To vote So everyone has to vote That has a driver's license And if you don't actually You don't have a driver's license We could make everybody vote

Yeah in Australia In New Zealand I think they have australia mandatory voting you want to drive yeah then you got to vote you want to meet some ladies or fellas how's that how are they going to enforce that yeah well we're going to step in between those two women you don't have a car how are you going to go on dates right yeah? Yeah. You're just going to meet at the place all the time. While you're waiting in line to vote, someone sends over a drink. A mysterious stranger. Some from that voting booth over there.

Vote for Al for treasurer. So you and your wife were friends before you talked about this at length. No, not really. But, I mean, we've been together since the year 2000. So 15 years. And yeah, we were teenagers. Like, and I think about like how to, I remember like being a teenager and like,

or in your early twenties and like knowing someone mentioning how many people they've had sex with. All right. And it was always like they've had sex with. All right. And it was always like one digit, but like seven people. And then all the years that pass, there's like a whole lot of lonely nights. If you haven't been in consistent relationships,

like I can totally understand how people's numbers would go up. And like, uh, I just wouldn't know how to like talk to a person. Well, this is all pre app, you know, like every now and again, like, I just wouldn't know how to, like, talk to a person. Well, this is all pre-app. You know, like, now people are, again, my friend, the guy at this comedy club, just got invited to Raya. What is that? Oh, my God.

What is this? It's an invite-only Tinder. Sex app? Yeah. Oh, man. I knew this was coming. This happened, guys. It's $7.99 a month.

How do you spell it? R-A-Y-A. Raya. Raya. And you have to get introduced by two current members. You have to get sponsored. By two members. By Amy Schumer and by Michael Che from Saturday Night Live.

I thought you were going to say Michael Chickless. Michael Chickless. Michael Chickless. From the commish. So it's like elite comedy people only. Well, it seems to be he got his first match. It was all supermodels.

So we were in a bar on Friday night jumping up and down holding each other because he got his first match. And then did the classic comedian thing where he started texting the girl and he said something funny. I serenaded this a little bit. I gave him a couple of funny things to say.

Oh, sure. Doing a little workshop. Yeah. And then. That doesn't seem like you to me. To meddle in other people's business. Which, by the way, this is a perfect time to bring this up. Because he had a couple of people comment the last time I was on that I was trying to change

Graham. Who does he think he is trying to change Graham? He's the fixer. I'm the fixer, first of all, lady. Secondly, I was a bit. Yeah. We knew. Yeah.

We were having a good time. All right. Anyway, I read all the comments. Yeah. That's what people tell you to do as a creative person. People say, don't read the comments. I read them, every single one of them. Google alerts for shows I might be on.

Yes. You've already said that. Lucifer Google alert. Yes. So, we, she went back and forth. I put classic to me. I mean, this is a supermodel. Out of his league, there's pictures of her on the front of a boat.

Oh, wow. A nice one. Yeah, not a tugboat. Not a dinghy. But she's not like a model at a boat show. Yeah. But still, like we're all too good for a boat show model. Come on.

This is expensive boat guy, random photo. So anyway, completely out of his league. But it comes up as a match. And then you can text her. And she texts. And we text back. And then I see that he sent three texts too many. And she never replied.

Oh, no. So it's like that balance. Yeah, he went to. Is it the kind of thing with Tinder where you have to be in the same city? It gave us matches in Vancouver because every app knows where you are. And then it gave us New York and LA. Oh, okay. So she wasn't like down the street.

No. She wasn't looking over at us. She was in New York. But then they have a slideshow that goes along with everyone. So you get to pick a song. And then your slideshow goes along with it. So you get to see what their taste in music is. So he was picking girls.

He goes, oh, this girl has Led Zeppelin playing, and she has a couple of funny photos, a picture of her dog. I like her right there we go I like that but then there's some

that came up like you know house music there are a million selfies and she's 22 moved to New York from Miami

you can't talk to that girl yeah yeah yeah so we were saying no you just had two grown men being so picky

yeah about this elite yeah like these are people who have eight bucks a month you know saying no. You just had two grown men being so picky. Yeah. About this elite. Like, these are people who have eight bucks a month. You know, you have nothing to sneeze at. That's what I pay for my Netflix. But once you cross that threshold

where you're like, okay, we're in the elite club, now it's time to be real. Real picky. I'm sure there's even a level beyond that. Oh, shit. Oh, man.

Now that we know that Ray exists, it's over. The fact that we have even heard of it means that it's done. Yeah. There's a new one that started up somewhere. We're married pre-app, and we have no idea. That's why I want to come out with my own app, and I'm announcing it here for married guys. Sure. Called Still Got It.

I love it. Yeah. And what we do is for charity, we all match up and we have a maximum fun group and Jesse's on there and Hodgman's on there. You're on there. We do it all the whole thing. Yeah. Elliot, Kalen, Dan McCoy, your lookalike.

Sure. We put everybody up. Yeah. Kalen, Dan McCoy, your lookalike. Sure. We put everybody up. Yeah. And then for charity, women get to vote, but there's no way you can get in touch with them. Yeah.

But I don't want to be voted on. You get voted on and judged. But it helps kids with cancer. Okay. Or homeless kids. Homeless kids. They can sit on it. Yeah, still got it. I it Yeah still got it I like it

Yeah I like it too Could it have Like a photoshop Like You know Or would it just put Your current face On your old

Current face But you get to have Income Status Oh right Oh yeah Announce it To all these ladies

I was gonna say Like put your current face On your old body Old body Or your young body I guess Not that mine was like current face on your old body. Old body. Or your young body, I guess. Not that mine was, like, chiseled. Great old body.

You can't miss the, everyone's missing that you're totally posing right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, well, yeah. I know my angles. Booty tootin'. Oh, wow. I know my angles Booty tootin Oh wow The other thing I wanted to ask about was And we should have asked John Hodgman this as well

But you were at the end of John Stewart's Run on the Daily Show All the correspondents came around And had a Like there was One night or two nights of I know you do this for the show.

I'm going to send you and text you some of my photos from that night to go along with this conversation that we're just about to have. Okay. Oh, cool. So I had my camera out. John had his camera out. And John took an amazing landscape big photo of the entire group, everyone of us watching John's last speech, the bullshit, you know, continue the war on bullshit thing that he said at the end. Wow. So all of us watched.

So you see Colbert and Carell and everybody watching that. And so it was pretty amazing. And then there's a bunch of iPhone photos. Everyone was snapping away because we knew what a big deal it was. And now you're getting as we've stayed on. Yeah. We've stayed on the show. Yeah.

But of course, why not? Yeah. You guys are great. It's fun to do. I do. I primarily align myself with the field department. Right. So I'm out.

I'm in LA, but now I can go out And go to Atlanta Or wherever they need me And continue to pitch Those bits Right Oh you don't You don't have to go to New York at all

For I can't I will go to I was on the first week I did a couple small things But I can be in New York You know And be on the show

So what do you use Like an airplane Yeah fly there Okay Cool You could use a train if he wanted. Oh, that's true. That's what Joe Biden does.

So if I'm not working on anything else, I can show up at the Daily Show. They'll put me in an office and work and be on the show that week, like Louis Black. See, there's contributors and correspondents. You have Kristen Shaw, Louis Black, Asif Manvi, Hodgman, and myself. And then you have the regular folks, the new people, Jessica, Jordan.

So was it like on those last, how many were you there for just the last show? Yeah, I showed up a couple of days before because I had other stuff going on. And it was just packed with everyone who'd ever worked on the show? Yeah, you have the Cordtree brothers. You saw Rob Riggle, Olivia Munn. Everyone really came out. Josh Gad, who was in a couple episodes. He was a correspondent for a bit right before he got Book of Mormon, I think.

Huh. And so then that happened. And then he was Olaf and Frozen. So it was like the Saturday Night Live 40th anniversary. Yeah, pretty much. It was all of our people coming home. That was the Saturday Night Live 40th anniversary. Yeah, pretty much. It was all of our people coming home. And even more people that you don't even think about, like Dan Backendall, who's Matt Walsh, and they're on Veep. And it's just like, so everyone sort of went on to act or host shows, I think.

It really became kind of like a real launchpad. Yes, and even people that you don't even think of, like Vance DeGeneres, who's Ellen's brother. Right. Mo Rocca. Mo Rocca. Yeah, Rocca. Rocca. Rocca.

I think Rocca. Mo Rocca. Yeah. I remember when I first started watching it, it was like around that time, it was Vance DeGeneres, Mo Rocca. They had Frank DiCaro did like a weekly movie. Oh, yeah, right. Yeah.

And then. Well, the story is that when John took over the show, all the correspondents, and you didn't see them on, Brian Unger, Beth Littleford, they were staged a walkout. Oh. And they said to Colbert, who just got the job for a month, we're renegotiating our salary. This is more about us than it is about the host. And we want to leave with us. And Colbert said no, and they all got fired. Oh.

So that's why you don't see any of those people on the show. Wow. And it was like if I organized, you know, a group to be anti-Trevor. Yeah. Walk out of this-Trevor. Yeah. Walk out of this show right now. Yeah. Exactly. No more.

And so it didn't make any sense, you know, and then everybody went on. You know, you see all the people that came in, Helms and all the folks that came in. They did an incredible job. Yeah. And then the show evolved, and now Trevor has the tough job of following John, but I think he's doing a great job. It's a tough gig and tough shoes to fill. And I bet you John Stewart's first year was probably really tough. John Stewart's apparently like the first eight.

You know, it took a while. It took an election. Comedy Central used to do an indecision thing pre-show. It was Will Durst. People used to come on for the show. Oh, yeah, yeah. They did some political coverage, but then the show took over at indecision. And then I think it was, what, 2002?

2000, maybe, was the Gore Bush. And that's where it really came in, yeah. So for a long time time he was just kind of working it out and trying to figure out his own style. I forget when he took over. 98, 99?

Yeah. Yeah. Somewhere in there. Huh. So anyway, the show is always changed. It's always evolved

and correspondence come in and out. But usually people, it's a tough gig. You don't see anybody really fired. And John was cool with me and Monvi and allowed us to do other things

because usually people just leave. But I think it was Ed Helms, Steve Carell, Monvi, and myself are the ones that go off to do other stuff, but you're welcome back anytime. Oh, Helms still comes back? No. Okay. But he's welcome to did this movie about uh three guys going right yes find their friend yeah

and then he's just kind of in everything for a long stretch he was was in every, if a comedy needed like kind of a straight man-ish guy, Ed Helms was your guy. Still is. Plays the banjo. Yep. Sure. Got a silly streak in him. Why not? Production company, vacation.

Like he's off and he has another movie. You know, he's got a slew of movies coming out. So everyone has gone on to do very well and it's exciting to be part of that group. But it's still great. You know, John Hodgman is one of the best people ever. So if ever I get an opportunity to go on the road with him, he's fun to go out with. Yeah. Yeah, I like him.

No shots of Jack are coming over. No. Well, do you go, what kind of bars are you hanging out at? I hang out at the Winking Judge. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where dreams happen A guy like Graham To attract that sort of

Crazy eyes You need a little eye candy Dave, what's going on with you, man? Oh, not a heck of a lot Uh-huh Yesterday My wife Abby And my daughter Margo

We went to this There was like a Meetup For moms And dads Okay Although I think we got thereup for moms and dads. Okay. Although I think we got there late. General moms and dads?

Well, it was like an organized thing. Like, bring your kid to this place. Use this hashtag. We promise we're not abducting kids. Bring your kid. It's going to be fine. Knock on the door three times. To this gingerbread house in the woods.

No, it was at, well, the thing is we didn't, we met some other parents. People you knew. People who we sort of like, oh, they like our photos on Instagram. And we kind of, we don't necessarily know them in real life, but they all are part of this online community. I had no, like Abby said, let's go, and I said yes. My wife used to drag me into shit like that all the time. It was actually a basis for a lot of my bits. Like, I don't want to hang out with these fucking guys.

I don't know anything. I don't like them. I have my own friends. I don't want to make new baby friends with these fucking people. Oh, it's all. All I do is make new own friends. I don't want to make new baby friends with these fucking people. Oh, it's all. All I do is make new baby friends. But no, it's, uh, this place was, it, it, it was really big and just like so much room for Margo to crawl around. So like I, we, we met like two people and then she was just off and we had to chase her.

Right. Um, but we were at the biodiversity museum at UBC, the university of British Columbia. And I'd never been there before. It's got the big whale, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Big, uh, whale skeleton on the ceiling.

And then just like these very narrow rows, like we brought our stroller, but couldn't fit it through the rows. Yeah. Um, of just like fossils. And what do you call it when an animal, they reconstruct it? It's like a natural taxidermy. Taxidermy, yeah. Taxidermy and skeletons and stuff like that.

Spooky. Yeah, it was good. There was a great like crocodile or alligator that just had squinting eyes. Oh, yeah. But it had- Like it was up to something? Yeah, but it also had no meat in its body. So the babies have no-

Babies love fossils. Yeah. Babies love all this stuff that is above their eye level. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. But I didn't realize- and we timed it totally wrong. Like Margo, she usually naps for 35 minutes at this time of day. She napped for two hours before we went.

So we go, and when we get there, we realize we're starving. And you're like, none of these things have any meat on their bones. They're just bones. And Abby had a cliff bar, and I had a piece of it. And like the only time I saw anyone who worked at this place was right when they came up, right as I was eating a cliff bar, they came up to me and told me I couldn't eat. And I get it because I was looking at all these fossils and it's not even like fossils of animals. It's like a fossil of a fern a fossil of a shell and it all looks like a cliff bar like you're looking you're opening

drawers and there's a cliff bar under glass and then there was one uh the the worst part was like this heavy-handed thing that was i forget what it was even an exhibit on, but it just said, uh, uh, no sample available due to extinction. Ah, I like it. Which. That's somebody in the labeling office having a little fun. Yeah. That's all. Their, their day is drudgery.

It's all the Latin name of an animal. Uh huh. Where it's from. What it eats. Yeah. But this is is this is their friday that's their friday putting extinction on the floor it's not like a wish list like things that you need it need it need it this is sort of my grail fossil. But yeah, I feel like I have a lot of visiting museums in my future. You totally do.

And the birthday parties, you have no idea. I've had a couple, yeah. We have gifts. We used to have a closet just filled with gifts, and we'd go for re-gifting. So we'd never let our kids open up too many of their birthday presents when we would take some of the stuff. Because they don't know. Because they have no idea.

They really don't. Yeah. And they get so many things. So we did a checklist when your kid had a birthday party of who gets what we could write the thank you cards. Mm-hmm. And then when we stack up all their gifts.

Yeah. Me and my wife would go in and take five or six of the same Lego thing. We're going to return this. But it ended up in a closet that we then made sure not to give the same thing back to the people. Right. Right.

And they wouldn't even know because they're all probably doing the same thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you always want to have like Christmas gifts, any sort of holiday. If someone sends you a shot of Jack, you send them a shot of Jack. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In and out, right? It just totally works.

Even Steven. And you have to spend about $15, $20 per birthday. Then a lot of gift cards will come your way. So you're just in the constant re-gifting mode. But also your weekends are going to be dominated by this kid. That's why I say never let them emphasize too much in one thing. Because if they're into gymnastics and they get really good at it, that's every weekend for you.

You're hanging out with a Czechoslovakian couple wearing matching sweatsuits, and then your whole life is going to be dominated by them. So who wants to be a guy sitting by himself with a bunch of 11-year-old girls doing gymnastics around? Like, it's hard not to look like a creep. Yeah. That's the worst. Well, and, yeah.

Because, I mean, if it was like at least a second. So, you're going up to the Czechoslovakian couple being like, please, please hang with me so I don't have to be a loner. So, yeah, your life is going to be dominated by that stuff. But it's important for you to have your own friends and not to get sucked into the baby thing more than you need to. Yeah. Sure. Don't join the PTA.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, I have my own friend. I'm right here. Hi. And I don't have a kid. So I can, you know, I can tell them all. I can try and get on that Raya thing. But, like, I. Oh, man, I don't know anybody kid, so I can, you know, I can tell them all. I can try and get on that Raya thing.

But, like, I. Oh, man, I don't know anybody on that, I bet. I bet I don't know anybody that's on that whole app. I don't know. Do you think? You think I know one person that's on it? I hang out with Al long enough. He knows.

I'm not going to be on it. No, no, no, but he knows some Raya players. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, Raya players. One degree of separation away from Rhea people. I just feel like as a kid, I would go to museums and hate it. As a guy in my 20s, I would go to museums and try to like it and try to milk, like, how long am I supposed to spend in a museum?

Is this a 30-minute thing or a three-hour thing I'm supposed to be doing right now? So I would go up like next to paintings and read every description of everything and try to pretend to think about stuff. See, and that was with my dad.

I would love to like loiter, just hang out at every exhibit, look at everything, and he would bust right through. He'd be waiting for us at the gift shop like, you gift shop for a good 45 minutes before we got there. That's hilarious. He was just motor through.

He's a very smart guy, so maybe he just took it in faster than the rest of us, but he was just like, and we did it. And we did that museum. I found myself walking ahead of my family constantly, just having them trail behind. Yeah. Okay, everybody, let's go. Especially when you're in the airport, because this is something that I do on a regular basis. And I travel and I got my systems.

And now it's like, okay, guys, we need to move. We need to move fast. Do not slow me down. Daddy needs to operate. So, again, you're finding yourself in a world that is long behind me because my kids are 13 and 9. Gross. Yeah. Cologne.

Oh, yeah. Oh, man. Do you wear cologne? No. So how do they know to wear cologne? 13-year-old boys want Axe body spray and they want Old Spice deodorant. Yep. And they see it all on commercials.

And I remember being 13 and we had Dracar Noir and we had Polo Sport. Yeah. And he wore it to a basketball practice. And then I go, what are you doing? Why are you wearing, why do you have to smell nice? He goes, I thought I smelled bad. Yeah. Well, it was probably true.

He's 13. Probably was. Yeah. Oh. But yeah, I thought I smelled bad. Yeah. Well, it was probably true. He's 13. Probably was. But yeah, I had a fascination with cologne starting probably exactly at 13. Mine was, I all, yeah, I did buy a couple bottles of cologne. I had Brut.

That's what I had, Brut. I bought this one that was diesel, but it came in like a milk container. Like one of those cardboard. Weird. But inside there was a bottle. container, like one of those cardboard. Weird. But inside there was a bottle that had a sprayer. Oh, like you didn't pour it out on your hand. But the fashion, the clothing, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, God. What does that smell like? It smelled like diesel. It was a little high inhaling it. But yeah, no. Yeah. Yeah, so there's cologne and then, you and then with the nine-year-old girl,

just catty relationships with the so-and-so. I thought you were going to say catty shack. Yeah, nine-year-old girl, she's into catty shack. She's going through a real Rodney phase. Hey, we're all going to get laid. I do that with my kids. I make them watch all that shit. Good.

Yeah, smart. They have seen all the movies that they would normally not even be aware of. I made the kids. A lot of them don't hold up. UHF, Weird Al Yankovic, not good. No. No. Oh, boy.

I thought it was fantastic. I saw it so many times. Watched it over and over and over again. Wheel of Fish. Yeah. I go, wait until this one guy comes up. Wheel of Fish. Wait until they start. wait until this one guy comes up. Wheel of Fish. Wait until they start.

And I kept saying, wait for it. Wait for Conan the Librarian. Yeah. Yeah. Stanley Spadowski is really going to blow your mind. Like Tito's. The Mexican guy throwing pets out the window. The fire hose?

Yeah, sure. Stanley Spadowski. Oh, that must have gotten a laugh. The fire hose. Really? Michael Richards did a great job as Stanley Spadowski. That was funny. have gotten a laugh. He did all right. Really? Michael Richards did a great job of Stanley Spadowski. That was funny.

But for the most part, it was horrible. That's amazing. I loved it. Like you said, Blame It on Rio, I remember I watched Strange Brew,

Over and Over, but all those comedies. But I feel like UHF, there's so much to explain. Even at the time, came out in 1989, I think. You would have had to know. We had cable. Yeah, yeah.

Like, the idea of, they were Channel 68. Right. Like, that wasn't that ludicrous. No, and it was also, you had to know that Gandhi was a movie. Yeah. That there's a sequel to Gandhi. Like, you had to know a lot of contextual clues

what he's making fun of that's a parody of Rambo and he is like what's a Rambo alright so

what's happening here is that there was this Dire Straits video who are the Dire Straits what's a video why is he wearing a headband so it's a couple of Why is he wearing a headband? It's a couple of them.

I think Candy Shack holds up back to school. You know, you can't show them those yet because there's boobs and stuff. But certainly they've gotten to see, I think, you know, every single Star Wars, Indiana Jones, all the stuff that we grew up on. Again, with the wife who. Do they like Indiana Jones? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah, it works.

Yeah, Crystal Skull they have a problem with. Because they're smart kids. What's going on with you, Graham? This past weekend, I was asked to host a show that was a country music show. Oh, I saw a picture from backstage. Yeah, yeah. It was called the East Van Opry. And they do it once a year at this theater.

And they got the stage all decorated up, had an old-timey piano and a bunch of old- A pianee. Pianee. Had a bunch of old crates and bales of hay on the stage. And what did that do for your allergies? It was so horrible. It was literally, I'm like, this is where they get the name hay fever. It's from this substance.

But it was so much fun. Well, I didn't know that Vancouver had a country music scene, but all these people knew each other. And there was a couple of like old timer guys that were there that everybody was really buzzed to be like playing with. Like it was one guy who played the slide and he was probably like 65. And then some other dude who's probably like remembers when Johnny Cash was still like in his original iteration of fame. And yeah, the stand up bass. Was it all music? Was there any hee haw variety stuff?

I basically was the hee haw variety stuff. Popped your head out of a barn window. Hey, Gleaners. And it was the one show I've never felt comfortable ever on stage just telling a street joke. But this seemed like the perfect place to just like, I'll just tell a joke that I've heard. Destroyed. Yeah. Here's an e-slap where you all folks might enjoy.

Yeah, you might enjoy. Exactly. And I was. It was something about a farmer's daughter. Yeah. Don't stick your thing in this hole, et cetera. But yeah, it was like, I didn't know what it was going to be like. I had no idea.

And then it was like, first of all, I didn't realize how much I was into old timey country music because I loved all of it. Right. And somebody played the jug. It was no jug, but somebody played a washboard. Cool. And,

uh, there was a guy who was a professional square dance caller. So they had like square dancing at the front of the stage. Oh, wow. And they had a, uh, Métis,

uh, jig dancer. So she came out like somebody played like fast fiddle and she like jigged to it. It was the best. I was like, why isn't this every weekend? Why can't, where do I? It is in some places. Yeah, where do I have to live that this can happen every weekend?

One of those islands. Yeah, one of those 13,000 people fishing villages. But yeah, it was so much fun. So somebody was doing the take your partner around the rounds. Yeah, yeah. And he was a guy, when I saw him, I was like, oh man, he had very kind of Amish. He looked Amish. He might have been Amish.

Because he had Amish beard and he had suspenders instead of a belt. And he was talking backstage and he's like, this is, like, that's what he does for a living. He's a square dance caller. What was the audience? Were they in costume or were they? A lot of people dressed up. Would you call it a costume? It's not a costume.

That's what they, they're clothes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they don't wear them every day, but they were wearing like what you would wear to a fancy country music situation. Oh, yeah. Like kind of a, like not satin shirt,

but like those fancy cowboy shirts. Sure. Everybody was wearing fancy cowboy shirts and real nice cowboy boots. Nudie suits. Yeah. Lots of nudie suits. And yeah, it was, I don't know. I just like, while he was doing it, I was like, can I just do this all the time? And they were like, no.

This is a once a year deal. It's a cottage industry. It's back to the comedy clubs for you. Did that pay? Yeah. All right. Yeah. And it was, man, it was fun. This guy's looking worried about the bottom line for you. Did that pay? Yep. Alright. And it was,

I don't know, it was fun. This guy's looking worried about the bottom line. Yeah. He doesn't want you experiencing these

things if it's not, yeah, if there isn't dollar dollar bill, y'all. Yeah, yeah, there's some real

world benefits, but it was, yeah, it was great fun. But yeah, I just, I just didn't know that in Vancouver

there was this whole, there's a whole subculture just happening. I don't know. Is it something that maybe travels around? Like, could you be the carnival bark? That would be the greatest. Go on tour as the host of this. You and the washboard guy just sitting there after night 35. Let's say I only do 31 nights.

All right. And then, you know. Baskin Robbins. Yeah. And I get to, you know, I'll hang out with a different person every night. Plus, his clothes are always clean. Washboard guy takes care of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

At the end of the night. That's how he tunes up his washboard. He'll have one bucket for white, one for, well, I guess three buckets. How do you do laundry again i feel like you got to take more care when it's a when it's a washboard here's the one thing that i thought was very unusual and i did not know that this is a uh thing uh due to like technology technological advances everybody there had a thing that you put on your guitar or whatever to tune it yeah so people don't tune just by ear anymore which i was like they yeah they like that's not new no but this thing is like a like a digital like yeah but literally i could tune a guitar with

this thing yeah yeah but they have them as pedals as well right Right. That you can actually like click the pedal and then the audience doesn't hear you tuning anymore. But it comes up on the little display. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah, this little thing that you just clamp on your guitar and then you tune it up. I've never seen that before. I was like. What a world.

What a world. Man, I think at some point if you wanted to be a musician, you had to know how to tune a guitar. Nope. Not anymore. No more. They're just happy to sell you a guitar. What do you guys want to do after this?

Oh, I have, um, I'm going to meet up with my two, uh, grifter friends who they, they, uh,

we need to work out a new plan because sending over drinks isn't working. Um, We need to work out a new plan because sending over drinks isn't working. I heard the Mexican food, somebody was telling me that there is a taco place nearby that was voted best taco in North America or something like that. I don't know about that, but there's a nice taco place nearby. What's it called? Well, there's two. There's two, but there's a nice taco place nearby. What's it called? Well, there's two. There's two, but one's only open at night. Yeah. Los Cuervos.

Yeah. And then the one open. Sal y Lemon. Yeah, that's it. Sal y Lemon is open all the time. That's what I heard is the best at Guy Fieri. Well, if Guy Fieri said it. There's no payola involved in his shows.

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Our podcast is toilet wine. Listen to the Toilet Wine Podcast every Monday right here at MaximumFun.org. Overheard. Overheard is a segment in which we, the podcasters, and you, the humans, all share hilarious things that we have seen or heard out there in the world. Now, we always like to start with the guest. And you said right away, well, I don't have one. But then right away, you had one. I had one.

Well, I was just working at this comedy club, not working there, but doing guest sets. And then I overheard the other comedians. We went to go get some food during the day. And they were asking who we're working with and then they brought up another comedian who was hosting and they said oh that's the foot guy and i said what happened but apparently it's a very controversial canadian comedian thing going on right now because which i have not not heard of. Yes. And I hadn't heard of. So this is news to both of us.

There's a big thread about this comic conned a bunch of other comedians into sending pictures of their bare feet. And then he promised one guy an Xbox. Yes. What?

And then he never delivered on the Xbox. But he got the pictures of the bare feet. Bare feet. And what's he doing with them? Are these just male comedians? Male comedians. That is, this is stranger and stranger. But the comedian's name is Trix.

Yeah. Oh, I thought we were achieving an anonymous, but fine. No, that's what he did. I go, his name is Trix. Yeah. Oh, I thought we were keeping him anonymous, but fine. No, that's what he did. I go, his name is Trix? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Silly rabbit. What he does. Fool me once. Shame on Trix. But like, just imagine, yeah, I'll send you a picture of my feet.

Oh, for an Xbox? Sure, yeah. Why not? That's a contract. It doesn't, I don't understand why any, I don't understand why new comedians do a lot of things. No.

Well, you think everything's going to lead to something. Yeah. So you do whatever. A respected guy. The fact that it's male comedians, it's weird because I feel like women. The foot fetish is not crossover to men. But it's also like women are... Guys ask women for creepy stuff all the time.

Yeah, that's right. Like if a guy was like, hey, send me a picture of your feet. I'd be like, I'd be so confused. I wouldn't know what his intentions are. But I was with Dan St. Germain and he was saying, I said, who grossed out by it? I don't want to look at my wife's feet. And I don't understand it. And then Dan St. Germain, who we were with, goes, oh, yeah, yeah.

I like looking at feet. Oh, really? Yeah. He goes, I'm into it all. I mean, I love it all. Top to bottom. Left to right. I like it.

Quentin Tarantino is a big foot man. Really? You can tell from his works and again I yeah I just don't like it's a gross

on a comedian new comedian foot yeah it's gonna be a very niche market for new comedian

foot but unless it's like unless he's like trolling and like has a secret Instagram account where he makes fun of comedians feet, which would be brilliant. Yeah. Look at this guy.

You call that a pinky toe? Yeah. Look at this guy. He's done 10 open mics. Yeah. You call that a pinky toe? Paging Dr. Scholl. This little piggy needs to get his nails trimmed, huh?

What are you talking about? Yeah. Oh, man. So I heard them talking. I just can't understand it still. But apparently all Canadian comedians are really upset. The newer guys are upset about this. Yeah, well, they were all promised Xboxes.

Yeah. We all formed a union. Yeah. Feds. a union. Yeah. But when Jon Stewart started, if he keeps asking for pictures of our feet, we're leaving. Colbert was giving pictures of his feet. Oh, man. Dave, overheard? Mine is, let me see.

I wrote it down. Oh, yeah. I was at the liquor store at Kingsgate Mall, and there's a security guard there. And Kingsgate Mall is sort of a downwardly mobile mall here in my favorite, East Vancouver. Yeah. But at the liquor store, you can always see the security guard. He's busy. Yeah, yeah.

That's probably where they put all the new guys. The older guys get to hang out at a bank. Sure. No, but this guy's been there a while, and he was just sort of chit-chatting with some people walking by about being a security guard at this liquor store, and I just overheard him say, I've got a good record uh

you know i win more than i lose but uh the thing is i don't have the speed i used to have oh yeah yeah he's a great place to shoplift that's advertising for the shoplifters yeah if you're fast this is the place for you or if you have a slow friend both of you shoplift at the same time you're gonna get away that's true you don't know how old of a man is this i'd say he's 40 yeah but like it's a young man's game sure especially at that i mean it's so athletic like you know people don't usually play professional sports into their 40s. And security guarding at a liquor store is, it's basically a contact sport. Yeah, yeah.

And you see guys in their 40s, their 50s, their 60s. They just want it. Like some of the shoplifters, they want it so bad. Yeah, it is. It's whoever wants it more. I think that if I were ever to be a a security guard and i'm not ruling it out i think i would want a high action spot as opposed to like the night watch at a you know construction see i think a hundred percent of security guards go in to this you have the

security guard game hoping not to do a thing not to ever have to sit and watch i actually had a microwave sold to me by a security guard what do you mean yeah no no further questions i was driving i was picking up my wife my wife worked for this really rich family and i was uh picking her up and she across the street they're building this huge mansion in pacific heights in san francisco and i there's a flashlight comes in my window i'm waiting for her outside and by the way listener uh make sure you do a shot Every time Al mentions A neighborhood in San Francisco So He's there and he goes

It's in the box man Huh? 60 bucks I think he's trying to sell me weed So I'm listening Yeah yeah 60 bucks A box full of weed

And I go I go no man I don't have it Sorry I don't even know what he's selling Right And he goes Alright

20 bucks Oh And then I go For even know what he's selling. Right. And he goes, all right, 20 bucks. Oh. And then I go, for what? And he goes, the microwave, man. And he flashes to this bush and he goes, they got nine. Nobody needs nine microwaves. So this house was having nine?

Nine microwaves. Wow. And he said, fine, 20 bucks. He picks it up and he goes, pop the trunk. I got a microwave being put in the back of my car. This is a full service deal. Yeah, yeah. You don't even have to get out of the car.

He goes, give me the 20 bucks. I just went, ah. I just gave him the $20 and bought a stolen microwave. Oh, love it that's oh man that's the best so i think security guards are out there out to steal yeah or do nothing yeah um one of the two if any of uh our listeners are security guards uh just leave a comment al's gonna read it yeah absolutely I uh yeah I don't know man I think I'd like to you know I'd like to see a little action

as a security guard yeah I mean you wanna keep uh I wanna keep all my teeth and you wanna keep the thirst alive you wanna like

yeah but you don't wanna die for an $11 bottle of pop off vodka either you don't wanna like see no it's Canada

yeah no one's got guns it's not gonna be yeah i might get stabbed stabbed and beat up because you're gonna chase some guys but then aren't i the king of security guards after that because i like somebody down yeah yeah yeah i got stabbed in the process like oh man do they don't give like purple hearts or anything do you know that for sure i do not yeah so there you go um graham do you have an overheard i do i was in a uh a very very popular uh like a noodle restaurant so it's like a very close quarters you couldn't have a ramen yep uh where was this this is on

robson street uh and And Hamilton, right about there? Right around there, yeah. Got it. Guy Fieri. No, no Guy Fieri situation. This is just, it's popular on its own merits. Although there is a noodle place in Vancouver that has Guy Fieri outside of it. Like a little Guy Fieri cutout.

Statue? They had a sculptor. So, you know, it's shoulder to shoulder, so you can't not hear everybody else's conversation. And the two dudes next to me had obviously been hanging out for hours because

they went to a sporting game that afternoon. They were both wearing jerseys. Soccer? Soccer or football. I don't know what it was. A sporting game. That's how you were not, you didn't have to tell anyone that you were not a sports fan. No, no, yeah. I remember accidentally telling somebody about when I tried out for football and I said, you know, I went to football auditions.

And I was like, okay, well, understand I don't I don't know anything about sports I showed up at football with a song yes in C minor that's why no one was shocked

when you didn't get the call back yeah yeah I showed up with my head shot and the things I've thrown are these sides

up to date they're plays kids so these guys hanging out for hours, presumably, because the one guy is thanking the other guy for the tickets. And it's really great to catch up. And then they literally had nothing to say to each other for most of the rest of the lunch.

And then the one guy, you can tell he's like, oh, I got a thing I can ask. He goes, are you still with that girlfriend? And I was like, how did that just come up at this late stage? Are you still with that girlfriend?

He goes, yeah. Yeah. You mean from a couple of years ago? Yeah. But wouldn't that be first or second question? I feel like that kind of thing is at a certain point, it's like not knowing the person's name.

It's like having to ask them if we get too deep into a conversation and I don't know if you have kids. I can't ask you. I just I'm waiting for some sort of clue. Yeah. So he you feel like he just Went too long without asking Yeah and then it was like Gotta break this pregnant pause

Speaking of pregnant You got that girl pregnant? Or they were involved romantically The two guys Oh the two guys Two guys So this was like a Reunion of sorts

Reunion. And he was looking to take it a little bit further, but he knows that this guy's flipping and flopping all over the place. Or maybe he wants this guy's girlfriend. Yeah. He's interested in the girlfriend. He's putting the feelers out. Yeah, there it is.

Also, they met through a friend's group. Like a friend's- Baby thing. Like what was it? The guy equivalent. Like a Raya. Oh. Oh, yeah.

The elite buddies. Buddies. Elite buddies. There's got to be. Oh. Isn't- B-U-D-Y. What was the-

Booty. Booty. Oh, was it? You want booty? Yeah, you want booty? You get fight into booty Was it the Josh Gad

Kevin Hart movie Where he needed a best man Had to hire the groomsman Yeah Mmm Groomsman for hire Yeah that's what it was called Because I don't have any friends

Yeah is it because Josh Gad didn't have any friends Yeah And so he hires Kevin Hart Professional friends Yeah okay Yeah

Kevin There's a a genre of movie where Kevin Hart teaches a white person how to do something whether you go to prison or oh boy we also have overheard sent into us by people from around the world

favorite part of the show if you want to send one in you can send it into spy at maximumfun.org this first one comes from Jessica N. This is in Houston, Texas. Here's an overseen from my dad's front yard. He lives downwind from a busy H-E-B grocery store. Yeah, that's a thing.

Hebe. Hebe. Is that how it's pronounced? Hebe. All right. In Houston, Texas. Tr trash often blows into his yard. Recently, this to-do list made its way into the front yard, and she sent a photo with it. It's a shopping list, four items, top item, wine, second item, diapers, third item, vodka. Back to booze. Right. Fourth item, blood orange. Wine Second item Diapers Third item Vodka

Back to booze Right Fourth item Blood orange That's it Oh wow Yeah What kind of party are we having?

That's the sangria party Yeah yeah yeah Right Sangria And uh Babies And a baby Or

It's a adult diaper And you're gonna drink a shitload of that That's right And we're not gonna leave the couch We're gonna watch all of Gilmore Girls Yeah It's some kind of weird adult diaper and you're going to drink a shitload of that. That's right. And we're not going to leave the couch. We're going to watch all of Gilmore Girls. It's some kind of weird frat initiation involving sangria.

Yeah. Yeah. That's a good one. That's pretty good. I feel like the shorter grocery list, the weirder it is. Like if it's long, then it's a bunch of whatever. You need a lot of stuff.

But, like, you can definitely implicate someone in weird activity if it's, like, you know, condoms and 11 lemons. Yeah. So, I remember watching, you know, I first started watching comedy on TV. They do short attention span theater. And there was also stand-up stand-up with Wally Collins. It was an early Comedy Central show. There's one comic, and I don't know his name, but he had a great checkout at the grocery store bit where he'd always look at the checker and say, excuse me, do you think this is the right amount of toilet paper for this amount of food?

Pretty good. That's a good one. People can use that I think they would have loved that At the country western show Oh absolutely That you can use In your real life

My street joke Also about a A cashier guy Yep That I told Very mysterious Yeah Do you want to hear the joke?

Yeah yeah Yep A guy Is doing his grocery shopping Goes up to the cashier he's got a single can of soup he's got a single microwave dinner he's got a single uh apple and a single beer and the guy cashier goes let me guess you're single and he goes oh yeah how'd you know he goes because you're ugly as shit classic pretty good right yeah that's a fun country time kind of yeah street joke lemonade

yeah exactly um uh this next one comes from nick in santa cruz california i was at a friend's party the other night and his new neighbor was there trying very hard to fit in at one point somebody asked what he did for a living and he said i push yellow steel yeah life's rough pushing that old yellow steel there was a beat filled mostly by everybody's perplexed silence then he meekly said oh i uh drive a backhoe thought he's gonna say the school bus. Yeah. Driving that yellow steel. Pushing steel. Pushing the yellow steel. See, I thought it was going to go, he's racist because there is a big thing with Chinese steel in the United States.

Oh, you thought it was going to, oh, okay. I thought he was actually working in construction and he used Chinese steel because that's a big, like a lot of Tea Party folks. I actually have this Daily Show piece that they were going to build a bridge to Canada. It's my Canadian bridge piece from Detroit that I'm very proud of.

You want to look it up? They had this one guy going, there's Chinamen that are going to build. Yeah. He goes, Chinamen steel? Chinamen? And I go, yeah, buddy, I don't think they're using Chinamen anymore, first of all. And yeah, it was just that people are aggro about Chinese steel. Wow.

It used to be this big American steel. Oh, okay. Yeah, no, this is just, this guy just drives a backhoe. Yeah, colloquial term for uh for his backhoe it's like i feel like working construction or anything where it's loud it's it's sort of like if you ever are doing anything solitary like i remember skiing and the wind rushing past my ears and you can't communicate with anyone you just talk to yourself yeah or you sing a song in your head i feel like this guy's on a backhoe all day and he's just like,

got this Chinese steel thing. Oh yeah, I'm going to start calling this pushing yellow steel. This is pushing yellow steel. But I think he's, he's, because he drives a backhoe

and they're always painted yellow. That's why. Yeah. Well, I thought I said, yeah, this, I just pulled one up

and it's Peterbilt is the name of the company that is primarily the yellow one. So I think they're like- So you think this guy's driving a Peterborough backhoe? Peterbilt. Okay. This guy's pushing Peterbilt. Yeah.

Yeah. Pushing Peter, though, sounds like a different thing. Well, pushing Yellow Steel could be a sex thing. Yeah, that's true. Yellow Steel. But pushing Peter for sure be a sex thing. Yeah, that's true. But pushing Peter for sure is a sex thing. Asian sex workers that gaze at you. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Like a blue steel, yellow steel. There's a lot. There's a lot. There's a lot of ways. It doesn't work on any level. So don't bring it up at a party. Unless you're familiar with the jargon That goes along With that particular industry

I don't think He was really hoping Somebody Construction right Oh you're pushing Yellow steel Yeah You're a real Rembrandt

This last one Comes from Jeff In Seattle Riding the bus Just now And the guy across from me Wearing a denim on denim So we're talking

Pants and jacket Canadian tuxedo. Yep. And sporting a Hulk Hogan haircut and stash, was chowing down on one of those grocery store rotisserie chickens. This is on the bus. On the bus. My favorite guy. Love his.

He polished the entire thing off in about 10 minutes. He ate a whole chicken. Yeah. Groaned and said loudly, burn it up. What's that mean? He's talking to his stomach. Oh.

Burn it up. Yeah, it's a furnace. Yeah. I fueled you. Burn it up. But you're not going to, he just sat there. He didn't start doing pull-ups

on the handrail. Well, his fingers are too slippery. Yeah, too greasy. Whoops. Oh, too greasy. Yeah. Whoops. Oh, ow. Oh, man. An entire rotisserie chicken on the bus.

His stomach has a nickname, Lucille. Yeah. Burn it up, Lucille. I've seen people eat corn on the cob on the bus.

I've seen people clip their toenails on the bus. Sure, but I don't think I've ever seen somebody chat on something that's like, you know. I have such a hard time

with people doing anything like that in close proximity. I actually, on Instagram, took a picture. It was in, flying up here,

and some guy took his shoes off and put them up and had bare feet. Send a picture to tricks. Yeah, there's all this. Yeah,

free Xbox coming your way. Airline shaming. Have you seen it That Instagram account The airline That was great Cause it's all A bunch of stewardesses

And stewards That are Taking their pictures Of people on the plane Doing horrible things But that's On the bus Yeah

You'd expect I don't like when people Bring food on a plane That's very uncomfortable Yeah No it's Somebody brings their subway On the plane But like And looks at you like I don't like when people bring food on a plane. That's very uncomfortable. No, it's... Somebody brings their Subway on the plane. And looks at you like, uh-huh. Beat the system.

Don't you wish you had this? Because you're going to be struggling to buy a tapas box, reaching for your credit card while I'm just... Chowing down on this rotisserie chicken. Well, I'm just. Chowing down on the house. I brought this rotisserie chicken. It's such a greasy, horrible family. Like, that's just the family. I assume that the hobos and guys with the whole coke and haircuts.

Yeah. Be all over a rotisserie chicken. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. I went through a phase where I was just like, I'll just buy like one every couple of days. Because it's just there. I subscribe to a few like food tumblers. And if I see something that looks good, I'll click on the recipe or I save it to my Insta paper.

And then when I'm in a grocery store, like all these recipes will come up and I'll think of something to make. And there was this really good looking chicken thing. And it was just like, once I saw the ingredients, it was like game over. Because it was like what you would make if you were a college student in 1950. Yeah, you get a package of biscuits. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was all that tasty. A can of cream of mushroom soup. Yeah.

A rotisserie chicken. Dump it all over the chicken. Yeah. Yeah. You crumble up some nacho chips. And then you burn it up. Burn it up, Lucille. In addition to

overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you would like to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328, like these people have. Hey, Dave and Graham,

this is Michael from Longmont, Colorado. Calling in with an overheard. I was at the local Walmart and walking by the electronic section. And I saw a little boy who's probably about six looking at a rack of movies. And he sees a two-disc or a two-movie set of the Ghost Rider series with a big flaming skull on the front of it. Yeah.

And he says, what? Mom, have you seen this? Did you know this was a thing? Check with your mom. Flaming skull, right? We gotta get this. Oh, man. That would be a thing I wouldn't mind being around, is being around kids when they first

learn about Ghost Rider. Yeah. Well, it's also kids in the grocery store because kids go through this thing and this is so funny that it's Ghost Rider.

Yeah. When kids are, I love watching kids in a grocery store and you'll see this, they'll walk around with you when they're out of the cart. Yeah.

And then they will go and then come back with just the cereal. It starts with cereal. Can we get this? And they've got like a pitch kind of worked out. Yeah. They have it. There's all.

Oh, my God. Look at these Pop-Tarts. I had these when I was over at so-and-so's house. So they want to sell it. But to say, oh, Ghost Rider. That's the national treasure guy. And he said, we know we love those movies. This guy's got a skull on fire.

Skull. You guys loved Valley Girl. And they just have like a row of Ghost Riders just at like kid eye level. Yeah, exactly. We're going to move these dvds so cute any kid walking around a grocery store trying to pitch stuff to his parents and it's pretty but just like not knowing this not knowing what ghost rider is and then suddenly just being like oh like he's telling his friends at school.

Yeah. Oh, he rides a motorcycle. Oh, I remember trying to like get my friends to think that was cool. Have you seen the Peter Gabriel album with his face melting? No one likes that, Dave. Here's your next phone call.

Hi guys, this is Caitlin calling from New York. I'm calling with an overheard slash overseen. I was visiting my brother in Johnson City, Tennessee, and it was about 7 a.m. I was walking around trying to find somewhere to get a cup of coffee. And in the distance, I hear, whee! And so I look towards where I hear it, and I see a man coming down the road, fully dressed for work, on a razor scooter. And he was probably in his 50s or 60s, and it was the best thing I've ever seen. Yeah, I can't remember the last time I said we.

I've done it when I've seen somebody else doing something fun. We! Yeah. Yeah, I've done it when I've seen somebody else doing something fun. Whee! Yeah. But I don't think I've done it just out of pure, like, man, what a great time I'm having. Yeah, when you usually stop saying, wee, about 11?

Yeah. As soon as you're trying to be cool, wee goes out the window. Once you get on rides that are more scary than like fun. Yeah. But what do you think with this guy? Do you think he found out like he's getting canned? So he's just like, you know what? But this was also like a cancer.

He's getting canned or getting cancer. He's got cancer. He's going to die. Yeah. So he's like, I'm going to get, I'm going to fucking ride that Razor scooter I bought that everybody made fun of me for. But he's been riding it for 10 years, and everyone's like, he was misdiagnosed. He's milking every second of it. But to be in a suit on the scooter with a helmet?

In Tennessee. Yeah, wow. I always go straight to mentally challenged. Do you think? Yeah, and he had no reason being. There's no. He likes dressing up. Yeah. He's just a guy who has a suit and a Razor scooter.

Or is he a top executive who's tired of getting in a cab between his two business campuses and is like, you know what? I'm going to make this fun. Oh, let me just check. I Googled it. And Razor scooter head office is in Tennessee. Ah, there it is. Well, there you know what, I'm going to make this fun. Oh, let me just check. I googled it. And Razor Scooter head office is in Tennessee. Ah, there it is. Oh, it's the company. Real quick google.

When are they going to make a movie about that guy? Toy company. It's a big situation. Tom Hanks and he actually is a little boy in a man's body. Finally figured it out. He's just stuck there. If, finally. Figured it out. But yeah. He's just stuck there. If they had let Big just play out.

In Tennessee. So then when he's like an old man, he's kind of 30. Yeah. Like, because he stays. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He doesn't stay a kid. He grows up. He's just trying to bang people at the winking judge.

Whee! I'm a toy executive. Come home to my bunk bed, but I'm 30 now. Anyway, it doesn't add up. Here is your final overheard of 2015. Hey, Dave and Graham

and sexiest guest ever. This is Jesse calling from St. Catharines, Ontario. I was walking through a parking lot. Oh, this is an overheard, by the way. I was walking through a parking lot a week or so ago, and there was a woman with her windows open in her car, smoking, talking on the phone.

And she's saying, what? What? Oh, no, no, no. you mean affairs oh no no no well yeah i guess i do have affairs no no no no wow i mean yeah flings summerances. Yeah. I guess I do have affairs. Yeah. Um, I mean,

I cheat on my husband. I fuck around. I wouldn't call them affairs. They're not steamy. Oh man. Legal affairs, business affairs. Yeah.

I've got affairs. Yeah. I've got affairs. I watch, uh, who's going to mind after your affairs? When a person dies who's been cheating on his wife for so long, who's going to take care of you?

Well, the executor of my will, I assume. Who's going to tend to my affairs? Well, we'll figure it out. It's always awkward when the mistress shows up at the funeral, like, who's going to fuck me now? Yeah. You didn't think about that, did you, when you got into an affair? Well, that brings us to the end of this here podcast.

Al, you're a mover and shaker. You always got things on the go. This episode will come out, oh, let's say the 9th of November. Yeah. Do you have anything, any gigs upcoming or anything that you want to plug? I have, you know, the All Things Comedy I continue to be involved with. A podcasting network. A podcasting network. And very close friends of this podcasting network.

Same sort of idea. Yeah. Two nice guys that have podcast networks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then we, you know, going through the holidays, not hopefully working that much. I do a lot of corporate hosting. So all the gigs I have lined up are me. You can't come, general public.

You can't. No, it's the equivalent of that uh check me out at pizer yeah i'll be at the viacom velocity road show trust me i do not want to go to that so i do a bunch of that but just a daily show and then you know i'm not uh writing a bunch of stuff. Hopefully this pilot comes out. Everyone's going to be so nice and help me doing this travel show called This Place Sucks. So hopefully you'll look and find that on Comedy Central. Yeah, fingers crossed, man.

Fingers for sure. And are we going to plug anything? Hey, thanks, everybody. Yeah. Keep being great. Yeah. If you want I would like to up the energy

On the overheards Yeah Like on the Collins you mean? That last one Hey So This is an overheard by the way Stop trying to fix the overheards

I think I couldn't help it Who does he think he is? Yeah Micromanaging the overheards Yeah Micromanaging He canard. Yeah. Ha ha! Micromanaging?

He can't even afford a full-price microwave. If you like the show, check out the blog recap, pictures and videos relating to the content of this podcast. Surely this photo you told us about

of the daily show. I'm going to send it. Oh, yeah, yeah. Send pictures of your feet. We'll get you an Xbox. Yeah, absolutely. And let's wrap it all up. And if you are a person in the Vancouver area with a small child, Dave will hang out with you.

Oh, yeah. Dave will definitely. He's looking for baby buddies. Oh, and I'll post a picture of Ghost Rider. Two DVDs of it. Yeah. A little kid holding him up. So excited. Yeah, I'll Google that. two DVDs yeah a little kid holding them up so excited

yeah I'll google that and if you like the show you can leave a review on iTunes if you don't like the show jeez get out of here

jumping in at episode 399 come on now and if you like the show do tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode

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