Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 40 - Abby Campbell

Episode Date: December 1, 2008

Abby Campbell is back to talk dreadlock beards, Jessica Simpson, and fanmail.  We also get serious about our Official American Listener.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! And hello! Welcome to episode number Big Four Zero. Hello! Lordy lordy! Ha ha! Look who's over the hill, am I right?

Yeah. How many candles are on that cake? Woo! Somebody call the fire marshal! Mm-mm! My name's Graham Clark, and with me, as always, is the man that Bear Gryllis called the only other man he would have with him in the wild, Dave Shumka. Yeah, but he meant it in a gay way. Yeah, that's why I implied that. And in the wild is gay slang.

It has something to do with poppers. Yeah, yeah, poppers. Yeah. And twinks. That voice you just heard is a is a returning guest uh here for number 40 dave's uh girlfriend who's also her own person thank you abby campbell welcome back hello guys hello how are you i'm very well thank you it's good to have you it's happy to be in my own house it is happy to be in your own house i I'm happy to be home. Yeah. Feels good. Feels good.

Yeah. Come on, slip us on. It's nice. It's good to be back in the cove. We're recording this on a Sunday night, which is unusual. We had, I'm going to come out and address it. We had a mishap. We tried to record.

We had a false start last night. It was just. Episode 40 last night. It was an unfortunate series of events. It really was. It was a perfect storm of. Of just, it was horrible. And we was a perfect storm of... It was horrible. And we had a longtime friend, Ben Mills, was here.

And we had computer problems. And I had to go. I had to go do a fundraiser for CITR Radio. And Dave was stressed. You had to go get your computer. Come back here. Try it on your computer. Yeah, poor Ben and I.

We'd been together most of the day. And then he we we went out then to the fundraiser then it was too late for him to go to his friend's house he ended up sleeping on my couch so then it became like this marathon like 24 hour thing of graham and ben with nothing to show for it well no i got a t-shirt that was citr t-shirt oh which one well there you go uh it's got a guy littleshirt. I have a CITR t-shirt. Oh, which one? Well, there you go. It's got a guy. A little guy. It says CITR on it. T-shirt. Yeah. Yeah.

It's a medium. It's black. All good. From student radio. From student radio. Yeah. It's a euro. What to expect. It's going to be a t-shirt, Dave.

Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't. It's not going to be a button-up French cuff. Am I right? With a little radio knob cufflinks. Yeah. But our great thanks to Ben Mills for coming out yesterday,

even though it was a false start. He was a trooper. Absolutely. And it's just the show just didn't happen. He just had lots of beer. Yeah. So that was all right. We all had a lot of beer.

Which didn't help or hurt. No, I just think, yeah, I think maybe in the future we can massage Ben into coming back on the show. In the meantime, this is the return back show. I was out of town for a good while. Are we doing Get to Know Us?

Yeah, hit it! Get to know us! Ah, I'm glad you hit it. You hit it good. We're recording this on a Sunday night. The Lord's Day, am I right? We've never done it. To this day, I have homework panics every Sunday night.

Yeah, I hate Sunday night. It's the old thing. 60 Minutes was always on Sunday night. If 60 minutes was on it meant that you were almost way too late to even be doing your homework. You're so close.

By the time 60 minutes was on you had 60 minutes to do your homework. Because school starts at 8 o'clock Sunday night. In Alberta it does. On account of the time change. If you were still doing homework on Sunday night, wasn't it the worst? It was the worst feeling ever. It sucks.

It was the worst time ever to do it. Don't even bother. But you do it to yourself every week. And that's what really hurts. That's what really hurts. Yeah, but when's a good time to do it, right? Not Friday when you get home. So you're kicking off your shoes.

That's a close second for worst time do your homework. But it's a Saturday morning. Terrible. No, that's alright. I guess. I'm like after cartoons. No, you go inside and get yourself a Slurpee. Maybe you're on a soccer team. I didn't do a lot of homework.

I didn't do a lot of homework either. And when I was in university, I didn't. Yeah, it was the top of my class. No. Yes. What? Yeah, every term. No, don't do a lot of homework either. I did a ton of homework. And when I was in university, I didn't. Did you? Yeah, it was the top of my class. No. Yes. What? Yeah, every term. No, don't look at me like that.

I can prove it. I don't. Well, I do doubt it. I'm going to need some report cards. Yeah, I was an A student. Wow. Here we are. I don't know why you doubt that.

Why do you doubt that? Well, you're very smart. Yes, I know. But so am I. and i just had no work ethic oh work ethic yeah to this day i don't yeah but you work ethnic so that's interesting yeah some people work blue i work uh east indian um so yeah i've been out of town oh yes, for a month We haven't recorded in about a month In a month, yeah, it's been about a month

Halloween hadn't even happened When I left town And so we're almost at the end of November Tomorrow's December Oh yeah, tomorrow's December 1st So what's going on with you, Abby? What's new and exciting? Not too much, tomorrow's Dave's birthday Oh it is! What's new and exciting? Not too much.

Tomorrow's Dave's birthday. Oh, it is. That's right. I have that on my Facebook calendar. I just had my birthday on the 18th, and it's Dave's birthday tomorrow. I didn't get you anything because I was going to get you something for Christmas. I didn't get him anything either. Oh, you should do.

You and I. Secret Santa? Secret Santas. Can you be my Secret Santa? Well, I'll put the names in the hat okay all right we'll see secret santa i like it see how you and i get leads you and we should establish a spending limit and we should both break it yes yeah and we should do a little gift of the magi i like oh yes like i will sell your beard to get me something and then I buy you a really

nice beard comb. Yeah. Like I sell my beard to buy you some nice opera glasses. You sell your eyes to buy me a nice beard comb. Beard comb. That's a weird economy of O. Henry. Yeah, I hope I get a lot of gifts

to the magis this year that's all I want magis magi gifts and myrrh that's one and if anybody asks me what I want myrrh and some sort of magi gift some sort of exchange yeah whenever I buy tickets to a magic show it's usually just because I saw the word magi

and I stopped reading this is gonna be great. Oh, wait. There was one more letter I didn't look at. Oh, I ruined it all. The gift of the magic. But you two,

you and you are in love. Are in big love. Yeah. You guys are going to go to Thailand for Christmas. Hopefully. That seems to be the plan.

Hopefully. As of press time. That seems to be the plan. Hopefully. As of press time, We leave in like three weeks. the Prime Minister of Thailand will not leave office so the citizens have taken over the airport. And we physically can't even

enter the country. Yeah, but they said if the army moves in they'll just use tourists as human shields. So I don't think we have anything to worry about. That'd be fun.

Because I think I'd make a good human shield. I don't know if you would to worry about. I think I'd make a good human shield. I don't know if you would. You're slight. You're not big. I don't know if you're much of a runner. Do you run? But he's a giver. Okay, he's a giver. I'm a team player.

So you would have the, what do you call that, Stockholm Syndrome? Is that how it is? Yeah, you'd have that intimacy. Within ten minutes. Who wants to kidnap me? I really feel for you guys. I have love at first sight for my captor. So we're hoping that kind of gets settled.

Yeah, well. In the next little while. Fingers crossed. Thanks. Yeah, and what else? There must be something going on tell us spin us a yarn yeah oh my goodness tell us a tale we haven't really had that much go on there i mean i live a pretty sedate life that's my choice though yeah yeah yeah it's because you live with me it's well that doesn't and i don't let either of us leave the house was it all bull whips and chainsaws

before you met Dave or what pretty much yeah lived out of a suitcase town to town up and down the dial and then I took you in

well it was university so it was all in the same town you were just living out of a suitcase that a good class why did you live out of a suitcase it was Victoria

it was fine you could do it yeah sure everybody else do it yeah sure anybody else does it yeah you're right there's a lot of hippies there yeah a lot of hippies

or a term that we coined at the debaters the droopies hippies and droopies old people oh droopies that's Victoria

yeah hippies and droopies right that's pretty funny trademark trademark patent pending patent pending

yeah and exchange students and exchange. White exchange students. Asian exchange students. Asian exchange students. Oh, yeah. And also. It's on the Pacific Rim. And also Filipino nannies.

But not black people. No. There's a black guy there. I think I ate the whole, like the, swear to God, four years I lived there, so maybe three black people. Philip, I think is his name. But how many white people with dreadlocks did you say oh lordy too many the uh here's the thing i don't understand about white people with dreadlocks because when you see uh black people with dreadlocks you very

rarely see black people with dreadlocks that have beads in their hair but almost always when you see white people with dreadlocks there's like a bead that's like, it's like there's a toy in it somehow. Then it's like grown over the toy. They've wrapped a little smurf in the dread or something. Why would you commit to a hairstyle that, because it's supposed to be a hairstyle that's like, no, you just get up and you go. But it's really, it's intensive.

It's a lot of work. You have to put wax in it all the time. And people with, like, super fine blonde hair that need to really, like, tie their literally in knots and stuff. I thought about dreads.

Have you ever thought about dreadlocking your beard? Is that a term? Just one big one. To dreadlock it? On your throat. Like in that Everlast song? Do that thing

like Captain Lou Albano? That kind of thing? Well, no. Brad Pitt had some for a little while. Underneath, under his chin, he had two little dreads with beads when he was going to do The Fountain or something. What?

Really? Yeah. He spent this long time growing a beard. And then he put beads in it? Yeah, and then kind of had two little dreads hanging. Oh, that's gross. Underneath his chin. Why beads?

Let's talk about that for a second. Yeah, why not? What up, white people? I don't know. And your beads. And the system of a downs. And the poppa roaches. And all those guys.

They all have the corns. The new metal beard. The new metal beard. They have a lot of those going on. The tight, tight, tight braids. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or like a braid and then a big fucking thing like a disc or jade or something. You're a woman.

That's not attractive at all, right? Like to see a guy with something like that. That's not a thing that girls are interested in ever. You just wonder what else is going on, you know? What else? What you think like downstairs they're having like a crazy braided situation?

That, that's a concern. But it also expands into other parts of their life. What does their house look like? Their clothes? Lots of DVDs. It's kind of a lifestyle. That's my guess.

Yeah, and a PlayStation. You know, that's it. Yeah, because people with DVDs and PlayStations all have dreadlocks and cornrows on their pubic hair. DVDs and Playstations all have dreadlocks and cornrows on their pubic hair. That's fades on their boobs. Fades on their boobs. They shave swear words into them.

That's what I want, fade. Just a fade. Line me up. And go into a barbershop. What about you, shimps? Is that kid in place, pubes? Here's what's been going on with me. And I told you this in the last episode.

Jazz it up. Add a new twist. Tell it from the point of view of somebody else. Yeah. From the point of view of the blind guy. Like the Nicolas Cage movie, Snake Eyes. I've never seen it. I have, but I forgot it. Same story told from a bunch of different points of view. like the Nicolas Cage movie Snake Eyes I've never seen it same story

told from a bunch of different points of view like Vantage Point it was the original Vantage Point wasn't Vantage Point the original Vantage Point? I think Vantage Point should just call itself Snake Eyes 2 Run Lola Run was the original Vantage Point

what? no that's different that's wrong. No, that's different. No, that's about the transient nature of time. That's alternate, yes. Space time. Oh, Germans. Okay, what happened to me while you were gone, Graham? Dave's had an event for a little bit. I opened

for Louis C.K. at the Vogue Theater in Vancouver. Opened the doors. And he gave me five bucks. Waka waka. He told me to stop staring uh no i opened for very funny hilarious comedian louis ck it's pretty great and it was pretty great and uh it was uh all consuming for me yeah poor david how did that affect you is that is that it just was it in your face constantly well no the thing is with dave when he gets stressed, he likes to be alone.

Oh. So then I'm just like, all right. So what did you do? You're bugging, so I'm going to go watch TV and do some crafts. I don't know. Do you do any crafts? I haven't done any in a while. You've done some sewing.

I've done some sewing, yeah. Are you a crafty individual? I used to be more so. Now I need to get back into it because I really enjoyed it. Yeah, well, you know what? This season, this time of year, perfect time to get back into crafts. It's true. You want to stay inside more.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ooh, make me something to give my secret Santa. What are you going to give me as a magi exchange? Yeah. Wait, you sold your eyes and then you made him a beard comb? Out of crochet? I needed the money to cover some gambling debts. So I sold my eyes.

Selling your eyes is actually the major plot point in the Nicolas Cage movie, Selling Your Eyes. Selling Your Snake Eyes. Which might as well be called Vantage Point 3. Snakes on your eyes. Snakes on your eyes selling your snake eyes might as well be called vantage point three snakes on your eyes snakes on your eyes uh yeah so that was a very exciting thing for me the other big thing that happened to me is uh charlie demers former podcast guest two-time podcast guest she's like the he's like the other he's like the abby campbell it. He's like the male Jane Stanton. He and I recently started a weekly live comedy show at Slickety Jim's on Main and Broadway in Vancouver.

And anyone in Vancouver should come by every Thursday at 8 o'clock and check it out. It's shameless. Yeah. Look at there before it because the show's at 8. So get there a little bit earlier. It's called, tell them what the name of the show is. It's shameless. Yeah. Look at there before it because the show's at 8. So get there a little bit earlier. It's called, tell them what the name of the show is. It's a good name. It's called Funny Side Up.

Because Slickety Jim's is a breakfast place. Right. It's the greatest one to punch. We had other names that we came up with. Breakfast themed names like Omelette Comedy. That's okay. It's terrible written down. What about Breakfast at Slickety's? It's like Breakfast at Tiffany's.

That's pretty good. That isn't bad, right? But that doesn't have the comedy element. It's a really good name for a breakfast type event. And our favorite that we came up with was Mark Breslin's Yuck Yucks. That was my favorite. For anybody in the States, there's a chain of comedy clubs up here called Yuck Yucks.

And speaking of which, that's where I was on tour. Oh, yeah. Do tell. For the last month. Yeah, that was a segue and a half. It just, when they come to me, I jump on them. Yeah, I was out in Eastern Canada. You're Mississauga.

Ajax. Vaughn. Not Vince. Just Vaughn. Just Vaughn. In a complex. It was in this complex. And it's in the middle of nowhere.

There's nothing in the complex except across this parking lot, there's a Dave & Buster's. Gotcha. Next door, there's a Boston Pizza. In the complex itself is a restaurant called Wendell Clark's. Named after former Toronto Maple Leaf Wendell Clark. Was he an enforcer?

Does he own it or is it just named after him? I think he owns it. Yeah, he owns it. And he hangs out there quite a bit. He's not that good to have somebody make a restaurant ad for him, is he? But he could throw them. He wasn't restaurant ad for him is he but he could throw him he uh wasn't he's not like but he wasn't like a high scorer or anything he had he had game he just had his number retired by the maple leafs yeah he's of note so he makes the you go to this uh all right the wendell clark and then there's another place in there that's called Dueling Pianos

and it was like two pianos face to face and they would play people's requests were they piano players? or were they the automatic player pianos? from the old west? no

it was like two people playing piano from the old west or the new west would they play the same song uh yeah yeah yeah like or they would uh yeah like one would play turns one part of it i don't know i don't know how they play uh like guitar monies like yeah like the boys are back in town they play that well like and at one point i think phil hanley said uh i'm gonna i'm gonna request rocket man and the doorman just overheard us say he's like believe me you won't have to request it oh did i hear rocket man

he's the cattiest guy in Vaughn so like uh so that was really weird and it was weird the one night uh it was in the Wendell Clarks and the

how many nights were you in Vaughn? three or four four nights did you do one night at Dave and Buster's one night at Wendell Clarks one night at Buster's yeah

you just work the circuit and then you go the strip mall yeah you do the entire strip mall then you just head home uh yeah i did uh four nights there and at one one of the nights i went it was like the saturday night and i think there was a hockey game on and at wendell clark's the way they served the food was these little white plates served atop, like, kind of a cast iron kind of, like, kind of like something that would look like a potted plant kind of setup. But there was no plant in it? No, no, no. But, like, it was, like, a thing, like, a wrought iron thing, and the dish sat on top of it.

Okay. But when you lined up about ten of them in a row and everybody was sitting at like this long bench eating when they're all eating nachos like it really was like something like adbusters would take a photo of and just show like the grossness of consumerism and just yeah it just looked like pigs eating from a trough like that's exactly what it looked like because it just it was faces down because you had to actually like lean into your food to see it to get it and then yeah and then you would just eat it and but like eight people or ten people all at once doing it really was quite the it was really quite the scene wow it was like the people there were a parody of themselves uh yeah and then but the

nachos that they were eating were also a parody of themselves because the top layer was cheese. Then when you got down to the bottom layer, that fake-o nacho cheese was on the bottom. Oh, man, I was so angry. That's kind of disappointing. Why were you angry? I don't like that. Oh, do you like that stuff?

I don't like it, but you get what you pay for. I paid a lot for it, so I expected to have actual cheese throughout. Yeah, the whole thing. Yeah, right? I don't think that's too much to ask. Yeah, you should have been there with me. Then you would have at least... Because I had outrage and nobody else was back. Phil Hadley backed me up on it.

He said I was right to be outraged. He just likes to be difficult. You should have started a fight. So yeah, that was, did that. Ottawa. I was in Ottawa. Our nation's capital. Our nation.

I got my picture taken in front of the parliament building. You can check that out at the blog page. It's a pretty hilarious shot I took of myself. But yeah, it was so fucking cold. And I was with Phil Hanley. How cold was it? It was so cold that Phil Hanley wouldn't leave the hotel for the entire weekend. I had to go take a picture of myself in front of the Parliament buildings.

Because we were only a block away from the Parliament building. And I said to Phil, I was like, hey, I'm going to go out. Let's go get a picture taken in front of the Parliament building. He's like, no, I'm not leaving the hotel. Because he was sick. But he had been sick the whole tour. Right. And we went to the grocery store.

It was like a 10-minute walk away, but we both nearly froze to death. Yeah, so. But then that was it. He didn't leave the complex for the rest of the weekend. So all the pictures I took in front of the Parliament building, they're all me. It's all my work, all my handiwork. Kudos. Yeah, kudos to me.

And those kudo phones, they rule the roost out east, let me you you think you see kudo commercials out here on the west coast you ain't seen nothing for anyone not in canada there's a uh a hipster startup phone company i don't think they're actually i don't think the company itself is a hipster uh i don't know i feel like they are their marketing targeted yeah it's a their marketing certainly is. They're targeted, yeah. Their marketing is just bright neon colors and people in short shorts and workout gear and ridiculous mustaches. 80s style stuff. I thought we were... Aren't we...

Am I wrong? I thought we were already past that as a society. No, no, no. It's society. I thought we were already done with that. No, no, no. No, no. It's just starting.

What? The 80s thing? The 80s, yeah. No, no, no. It's over. No, it's starting. Abby, that. No, no, no. No, no, it's just starting. What? The 80s thing? The 80s, yeah. No, no, no, it's over. No, it's starting. Abby, really? No, no, no, people aren't as smart as us. It's true.

Look at us in our glass dome. Shit's got to come back in 20-year fucking shit, so we're good. But didn't Plaid just come back? Isn't that a sign of a thing? The 90s? Yeah. Plaid was kind of the 90s, yeah. Nobody wants the 90s back. They were stupid.

They said about the 80s, though, and they said about the 70s. Nah, yeah, but really, fashion-wise, what was good about the 90s? Abby, you're a fashion plate. You're a fashion plate. Dial me in. What was good about the broad shoulders? Jean-Paul Gaultier, yes.

Jean-Paul Gaultier was what? Yeah, he had the 90s. He had the cone boobs. Oh, yeah, okay, uh, Broad shoulders? Jean-Paul Gaultier, yes. Jean-Paul Gaultier was with him. Yeah, he had the 90s. He had the cone boobs. Oh, yeah, okay. That was good. Is that something we want back? You saw that everywhere. That was a big...

You didn't just see it on Madonna. Like George Michael videos and stuff. Like, they had cool shit in there. Fashion was very cool back then. Like, high fashion was... All right. It was great. What, 80s or 90s?

The 90s. Okay. Well, all right. I just think of grunge. That's all I think. I think of a lot of flannel. True. Rip jeans.

Oh, if rip jeans come back, that'd be cool. Doc Martens. I'm down for that. Whenever there's like a... Because rip jeans, they haven't been around since I was a...

They are coming back. Are they? Yes. Oh, I'm excited about that. I just saw them on Desperate Housewives, actually. Felicity Huffman had on a pair. I don't know if that's an incentive or a..., actually. Felicity Huffman had on a pair. I don't know if that's an incentive.

Yeah, wherever Felicity Huffman goes, North America surely follows. Whenever they do a movie, when they go through a history of time. A history of time? Yes. I read that book. I believe it's according to Garp. They go through the 70ss and everyone's disco dancing. Because 10 years is compressed into one moment.

Yes. The 80s. Even though disco came in like the late 70s. What are people doing in the 80s? Well, no, there's an M&M's commercial now. Yeah, but see, I don't agree with their assertion that the 80s belonged to break dancing. Although it was... agree with their assertion that the 80s belonged to breakdancing. But when you say 80s, the exact

first thing that I think of is a guy wearing red suspenders. That's like the first thing I think of when you say 1980s. Is it Michael Douglas? Is it Gordon Gekko? Yeah. I think of like John Hughes movies. Like right away, pretty in pink. That's what you think of. Yes. Breakfast Club.

But then, okay, what are you? That's 80 you think of. Breakfast Club. But then, okay, what are you? That's 80s me. I was wondering. But the 90s is always grunge. Yeah, the 90s is always a mosh pit. Yeah. But really, the 90s actually belonged to hip hop. That was the biggest thing.

It was way bigger than grunge. Everybody was listening to rap. That was the 90s. I personally was very rarely grungified. I was into it. I was into the punk music. I was into the punk music and then into the grunge. And then out of the grunge, back into the punk music again.

Didn't really fall in with the rap crowd all that much. Although I listened to it, but I couldn't get into the bagginess of the clothes. Although I do like having room in my pants, if that's anything. If that makes me a criminal, then I'm a criminal if I like room in my pants. Big deal. Am I right? You're not wrong. It's your prerogative how much room you want in your pants.

I got nothing tonight. Do you want to move on? Sure. How will the 2000s be remembered? Boot, scoot, and boogie? Yeah, probably boot, scoot, and boogie. That's the 90s, though, isn't it? No, you know what I think it's going to be?

Donald Trump saying, you're fired. The whole decade. You're fired. Because it's big business. It's reality television. It's true. Reality television. Celebrities.

Yeah, that might be it. Like American Idol or something. But there's no dance craze or anything. Like for your Eminem commercials, it would have to be Donald Trump firing an Eminem. There's crumping. There's crumping. It could be David LaChapelle's rise. I don't know the early histories of crumping if it was pre-2000.

Hard to say. I wasn't there. Yeah. Consult your local library. Yeah. I missed the very beginning of rise. For more information on crumping, please send a self-addressed pillow to us. And for more information about crimping, go to your hairdresser. on crumping, please send a self-addressed pillow through us.

And for more information about crimping, go to your hairdresser. Ask your hairstylist. Shall we move on to some overheards? Or do you have any more business you need to table?

Well, I know there's just so many things. I watched the Gemini's the other night. All right, overheards. Oh, Lordy. Overheard. Kreskin was on the Geminis.

Who are you? Kreskin. Who are you, Kreskin? Yeah, who was he, Kreskin? Kreskin. The fucking mentalist. Ah, he's the mentalist. They put him in a box

and he predicted who was gonna win over the course of the evening. Kreskin. That would have been the real scoop circa 1978. On the M&M commercial. Overheard? Yeah. Okay.

Here's how we're going to play this hand. Alright. You did one yesterday. But I have others. Abby, do you have any overheads? I have a couple. I don't know how good they are, but i have others uh abby do you have any overheards a couple i don't know how good they ever have a couple okay and i have a couple listener generated overheards and and i have a really funny one for my dad um but the one for my dad is going to inspire a different line of conversation so i'll go last save that one for last. Who wants to start?

Let's let the guest start. Okay. Abby Campbell. That's fine. This was one of the few moments where I didn't have my iPod on. I usually try to tune out the world on my day-to-day

half an hour on the bus. I usually listen to music and I read. Or I listen to the podcast. hour on the bus. You just listen to music and I read. What do you listen to right now? Or I listen to the podcast. Oh, sure. Yeah, why not? I listen to two podcasts. I listen to this one and another one called The Business, which is an NPR one.

Okay. About show business. Because it's the business I'm in. You're in the business of show. I am the business of show. So I like to know what's going on. Abby works at a talent agency, for those who don't remember. For those who don't remember from episode whatever it was, six.

So a typical day at the talent agency. Somebody's walking in. They're spinning plates. There's a guy coming in with trunks. It's the Aristocats. The joke. That's crap. And you stand at the edge

of your talent agency with a long hook and you pull people out of the agency as their act becomes tiresome a walka walka yes exactly but anyways so I'm on the bus and

there's like an old man he's kind of rotund in his 50s. Cherubic. Yes. He's a nice old man. He's just sitting there. And then a lady comes in, a little lady. And she's probably in her 40s.

And she has a whole bunch of bags from the pharmacy or something. And she's got like five or six plastic bags. And the bus starts. And she kind of falls and lands in her seat. And she just has a whole bunch of bags in her hand. And she just sits down. You can just see she's like, oh, I'm on the bus. Okay, I'm okay.

I can sit down now. And then the old man notices that her shoe is untied and he offers to tie it. And she just says, oh, no, no, no, it's okay. Don't worry about it. And he continues. He's like, no, come on, you know, just, you know, keep motion. I can't really hear what's going on and then she's like no no no seriously seriously it's okay i'll get it in a second

and then i hear the guy yell what's wrong with you let me tie your shoe it turned out he had a very strong italian accent that really what's wrong with you That really enforces a stereotype. When you tie your shoe... Considerate Italians. They're always considerate and they're always willing to do something good with knots. They're excellent with shoelaces.

That was a good one. That's why their navy is so strong. Their marina militare. Really? What the fuck? Dave's got too much time on his hands. There's a nice watch homage. You gotta give him something to do.

You gotta give him a project. The podcast is good and the comedy show is good too. That'll keep him busy. That and the dog. You have to be one of those girlfriends. When are you gonna put in those shells? That'll keep them on task. That'll get them.

Yeah. That'll force me to be handy. Dave, when are you going to put in those shells? Seriously. I was trying to say about it in a roundabout way, but when are you going to put in those shells? We're drowning in books. Once we have room for another shelf, we'll put it up.

Shall I do mine? Yes, please. Okay. I was at a show the other night and there were these guys at the show. It was a comedy show. And there were these guys there that were really bro, like,

bro dudes. Like Bro Jake? They were having bromances with one another. They were bros, dude. They were dudes having a good time. We're just a couple of dudes. But there were like eight of them.

Eight dudes. It was very much a sausage party. There were no women at the show. The dude to woman ratio was like ten to one. Anyway, so this dude the bartender was a woman and one of these dudes was ordering drinks from her like 10 to 1. Anyway, so this dude... Come get some. The bartender was a woman.

And one of these dudes was ordering drinks from her. And he went up to the bar and he was like, Is there a bank machine here? And she gave him kind of a weird look. And he said, Oh, did you think I said bang machine? And then he continued. Now that I hear it, I think there should be something called a bang machine.

Do you want to come and vent it with me? Anyway, can we get some tequila shots? Oh, Lord. Wow. Good times. There should be a bang machine. I can just picture the guy saying it, too. Yeah, he says it, and then he stops.

He's like, yeah, yeah hey that's a great idea Note to self I'm a fucking millionaire I'm gonna create this fucking bang sheet He yes anded himself He high fived himself So good In his privates I have a couple

I have a couple overheards from listeners Oh Listener generated. This first one's actually an overseen. I like it. It's a guy from Melbourne, Australia named Jeff. And I think I read this one last night. He was on the corner.

I saw this homeless guy sniffing something white. As I walk by, I saw he was rubbing his nose in the head of a live duck that was in his girlfriend's lap. Aww. I like that. And he says, I've heard of licking toads, but snorting ducks was new to me. And, I mean, it would be new to you

in the backwards country of Australia. They do things differently down there, don't they? No, we've had duck sniffing for years here in Canada. Old hat. When I think of the 80s you think you think of uh gordon gecko i think of ducks being sniffed yeah in bathroom clubs i mean it's not bathrooms how many times would i go in a bathroom and there's a duck sitting on the back of the toilet he's swimming around in the bowl. You're like, do I take him out or do I just go?

You should have your face in there. Depends if you make eye contact. This, another one was from, I believe this is from Eric, who was the person who sent in the Dogmas Prime. Oh my God, I loved that one. It was really, Dogmas Prime. Oh, my God. I loved that one. It was really... Oh, I loved it. But I'm not sure if it's...

I think I made a fool of myself on the bus that day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, very, very funny. Oh, my goodness. Unbelievable. It's either Eric or Graham, I think is the name of the... I think it's Graham. It might be Graham because I printed it off weird.

So it actually... That rings a bell. Yeah, actually, my apologies. It's from Graham. And Graham is the one from Douglas Prime. You should know better. I should. He says, I work in film and was walking into the extras tent on set when I heard...

It goes, man one, for sure I'd let R. Kelly pee on me. I'd wring out my clothes and sell that shit on eBay. Man two, dude, you're way too old for him to pee on you. Man one, I'd find a way. Oh. I like that. Time travel? Neverland?

I like... Not the range? Yeah, prosthetics. A combination of prosthetics and method acting. Walk your way to the... Let's go from the extras tent to the prosthetic tent. To the makeup tent. The mysterious case of Benjamin Bean

or whatever the fuck that Brad Pitt is. You know what? Here's something I'm just going to throw out. Worst idea for a movie ever. How about that? How about that was a movie that I came up with when I was in grade six? Yeah, that's true.

And then again when I was 14 and smoking pot. Where I was like, you know what would be awesome is if you aged backwards. Oh my God, what would happen? Would you die at zero? Or what if you were assassinated? How older would you be when you were born? Yeah, exactly.

You're born when you're supposed to die? It makes you think about life and dreadlocks but that looks like the worst does that not look like the worst and they're treating it like it's going to be like the Oscar I think the Oscar type movies this season because you've got Robert Downey Jr.

in that one with Jamie Foxx that one looks that ain't happening it's been pushed it's no longer in contention oh I bet not it looks ridiculous that looks like the most ridiculous idea for a movie retard so well you went most really three quarters three quarters retard yeah full schizo aka three quarters retard that's right were you a psychology major that's shorthand. But speaking of movies, this is a great overheard from Maren from Utah. She goes to the gym. She's on the elliptical.

And they face a wall that has several TV screens mounted on it, each with a different channel playing. If you want to hear a show, you plug your headphones into your elliptical. The future's now, I tell you. If you don't want to hear a show, then you can read it because the closed captioning is permanently enabled. Today I was running and listening to my music, but also reading the local news, which was updating us on the weekend box office.

Apparently, the new movie Twilight is so successful that as far as the budget for the second movie goes, the sky is the licket. I like that one a lot. I worked in... The sky is the licket, people. I worked as a television editor for a couple of years, and we would get closed captioning.

We would send our shows to closed captioning, and they would closed caption them and would send our shows to closed captioning and they would uh closed caption them and send them back to us and there were so many mistakes like every episode had one very funny thing uh so instead of being the kink in my hair it's the kink in my hair yes okay uh one i remember was uh something about ice in the Bay of Fundy. Fungi? No, no. It was closed captioned as, I smelt it in the Bay of Fundy.

But yeah, and if she was watching the news, I'm sure, like if you ever watch the closed captioning, I'm especially for live tv yeah it's crazy wrong my favorite closed captioning thing that they'll do sometimes is if there's uh if you watch something it's um goes to a music montage it goes to uh you know it goes to something and it just says music playing and then there's music notes. And so what are the deaf? They do it. They bop their head. They just make up their own. Fill in the blank. You can do La Cucaracha.

You can do whatever you want. It's always La Cucaracha. Do they know La Cucaracha? If you went deaf after hearing La Cucaracha. No, everybody's born inborn with La Cucaracha. What if you went deaf right when you heard La Cucaracha and it was stuck in your head forever? Like you got run over by a car

that had one of those novelty horns and that somehow made you deaf? Like they were like... Like they were trying to warn you and that's the last thing you hear is... Some cruel twist of fate. You got run overed in your brain. But I always thought it would be

a great idea if the deaf ever wanted to organize and start a revolution if they just sent secret messages through closed captioning to each other. We'll storm the palace at midnight. P.S. We should say that we love the

deaf community. they're not listening could have been an Amish joke furthermore I just would like to point out that Twilight is no longer the number one movie in the nation I know it's the four core Christmases I find that shocking

I do not it's got Oscar written all over it Oscar Mayer Wieners available at movie theaters is that what you're talking about? that's shocking. I do not. It's got Oscar written all over it. Oscar Mayer Wieners available at movie theaters. Is that what you're talking about? Boo. Well, I didn't know how to spin that because it doesn't have Oscar written all over it. I don't know what to say. I never would have predicted that in a million years.

I don't like the poster for that movie because Vince Vaughn is not eight foot tall and she's not four foot tall. Like, I know she's much shorter than him. He's a big guy and she's a petite woman. But come on. She's standing on four gifts. She's standing on four Christmases.

Is that what it is? I think it makes you think. It does make me think. But America loves a baby vomiting. It's true. It's in all the commercials. Gets me every time. It's in all the commercials. It gets me every time. That's actually on the poster.

It says, Reese Witherspoon, Vince Vaughn, vomiting baby. Vomity baby stars in. Congratulations to the producers of Four Christmases. You deserve it. You knocked it out of the park. You really did. Do we want to move on to some... Can I do the overheard from my father, please?

From your dad. My dad. Okay. A little backtrack, then a little front track. And then a little sidetrack. Then a little sidetrack. I was on the plane coming back from Ottawa. Watched several movies or halves of movies.

Gotcha. Depending. Because I can switch. It happens. You can do it. It's my prerogative. Yeah. I watched the X or halves of movies. Gotcha. Depending, because I can switch. It happens. You can do it. It's my prerogative. Yeah. I watched the X-Files movie and my favorite thing in it, Exhibit from Pimp My Ride plays

an FBI agent. You've officially been pimped? Yeah. It ruined every scene he was in because you could no longer. And then just to cap it off and to make it even more silly, the main psychic character in it is played by billy connelly so every every scene had something to laugh at to make it yes to take you out of the drama and uh and then i watched the first 40 minutes of get smart and that's the worst thing

that is the worst fucking thing they would take a show that was so funny. So great. Right? So great. Amazing show. And then you would take a talent like Steve Carell, who is also so funny. Yes. And Anne Hathaway.

And then just ruin everything about all of it. Just fucking ruin all of it. Just make it all shitty. Across the board. Everybody sucks. It's not, none of it's funny. The Rock. The Rock. Nobody gets away unscathed. Alan Arkin. Yeah. it all shitty across the board everybody sucks it's not none of its funny the rock nobody gets away unscathed Alan Arkin yeah Alan Arkin's in it the rock is in it Bill Murray's in it it's

it's terrible like it's just you just it made me ill we've seen it we loved it you didn't Oscar contender oh stop it Oscar my wieniener second time for that joke that's gonna make it hard to cut out the first time i uh but here's the day i was talking with my dad about get smart and we were just talking we were talking about how much how horrible it was but he said when he was at the video store he was looking for something to rent he was being followed around by it's like teenage guy who's working at the store, who's making suggestions for my dad and my mom. And at one point, they come across Get Smart, and the guy says,

Hey, have you seen Get Smart? My dad says, No. He says, You know, it's Steve Carell. He's the guy in 40-Year-Old Virgin. My dad said, Yeah, yeah, I've seen it. And he goes, Well, if you ask me, he is one and a half times funnier in this movie. My dad was so offended because he was like, you didn't do any math for that.

Now I have to do math. But then that led to a whole conversation. Do you ever have a conversation with somebody where they will pull out a number that you know there's no number? This is the point at which we're getting sidetracked. Yeah, this is sidetracked. Yeah, okay. This is where we're going off the rails a little bit. But have you ever had that where you're talking with somebody

and they're like, I don't know. I'd say that happens to be like 80% of the time. And you're like, well, you've surely not come across that number by actually doing any number crunching. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just have just 80% sounds like a lot. If you say 100%, then you sound like an idiot.

Scale it back a bit. Sounds like you've actually put some work into it. Kind of, no good talking about. If you throw an 83, then it sounds like you actually busted out a calculator. You're actually doing some work. Crunching numbers, referring to schedules and stuff. So anybody out there, cut it out.

All right? Knock it off. Yeah, come on. Nobody likes it. Knock it off. Don't throw down two-thirds or four-eighths. The universe is random. You know?

That's what we're learning. Yeah. Celestine prophecy. Am I right? Oscar contender. Mothman prophecies? Oh, that's what it was. Oh, no.

It's the butterfly effect. All right. We have some business. Can I take a break first? Here's a question. I was just using your facilities and you have quite a collection of

GQ magazines. There was one from years ago. It's Jessica Simpson. The cover of that magazine is actually the cover of her movie. That just came out. That came out on DVD. The one with Dane Cook?

No, the one where she's in the army. Yeah, it's like military intelligence. She plays some dumb actress and she wants to be taken seriously so she joins the army. And they didn't even bother shooting a new poster for it. They just took that GQ cover. From three years ago. They just took that GQ cover. From three years ago. Wow.

And just made her bikini a different color. She actually, I think, I'm not sure, but I think she looks younger now than she did then. But I don't know if that's possible. Anyways. No, because I can understand what you're saying. Because sometimes she looked really old. Well, she's on proactive now. And she was like in her early 20s.

I think it's proactive. It's like an ampereteeth. When you're trying to anticipate dinner. Trying to get the jump on dinner. You're being proactive. But okay, so she... I was looking at the coverage. She's done a lot of those USO shows.

But do you think that she knows that all the guys there are just like like they like just jerk off to her image like do they they don't care who she is and they don't want anybody else really don't want to hear her sing like this that's kind of a thing like you see all these guys they're all in uniform she's singing like oh this is a new one for my for my album what would they rather she do have Have sex, I think, or, you know, something. Just strip.

But, like, you're in the army. You're in the... And God bless you. God bless you. Absolutely. Support the troops. You're over in the Middle East. There's really nothing to do. You'll take singing.

I don't think that's really... Sure, sure. No, no, I'm not talking... I don't think they're really complaining. No, no, but you know what I mean? Like, it feels like this very, like... It wouldn't be what they would choose should they have their druthers necessarily.

It seems like a very odd... What's a druther? I don't know, but they're always in plural. Yeah, you never just get a druther. You can have them or you cannot have them. No, it's always an if. If I had my druthers, it's kind of like a million dollars.

I think a druther is... A bag of coins? It's like half a million dollars, so two druthers is a million. If I had a million druthers, it's kind of like a million dollars. I think a druther is like half a million dollars. So two druthers is a million. If I had a million druthers. Please, no singing. Oh, that was good. Yeah, I know she's got a beautiful voice, but this is a talk cast. It was just really, it just struck me all of a sudden,

because she's in the military uniform. I'm like, do you think that any of the military guys are like, oh, I hope she does that new one. I heard her new CD's great. I hope she does that one about love. I have all the other ones. The new one hasn't been released in Afghanistan yet. In rural Afghanistan. I hope that she sings that one about love.

I think I'm in love. Boy, I think that I'm in love with you. That song's about Jesus. I'm shocked that you can sing a bar from any of her songs. Well, I did not do it justice. What was the one? It was very powerful. Never mind.

Anyways, we do. We have a little housekeeping to do. Because leading up to my departure and our little break from the podcast, up to my departure and our little break from the podcast, we had a listener send in some information about donkey basketball. We were talking about donkey basketball on the episode with Morgan Brayton. Yeah. And I can't remember the gentleman's name.

I think you do. I think it was Ben. Sent us. From Massachusetts. Yeah, he sent us in some information and kind of mentioned that he would like to be our official american listener he said that donkey basketball is an american thing done by stupid americans his words his words so and then that just kind of inspired us to see like well maybe maybe there's somebody else that might be interested in the title of american official

american listener and boy were we not wrong we put it out there and we got a lot of people sent in things and just Sweet! Yeah, right? That's awesome. Did you read any of these? No, I haven't had a chance to. Here's just a sampling of some of the ones that came in No, I think we're going to do the entire gamut

I'm not going to read the entirety of all Let's zip through it, through the fundamentals of these. These are basically people writing in telling us the reasons that they feel they should be the official American listener. We'll start with Mo from New Haven, Connecticut.

He says that he could be the official American listener or unofficial, whichever suits me fine. That's charming. It's charming, but it also shows he doesn't want it. Yeah, but if we crown an official American listener, I wouldn't mind if he became the unofficial American listener. Yeah, I'm down with that.

And should the official American listener not be able to fulfill his or her duties. Your mall openings, your shampooings. Oh, it's all over it. Your dissolution of parliament. your disillusion of parliament okay uh the reason he says uh being that i've never heard of donkey basketball um is uh oh what his reason is that he's never heard being that i've never heard of donkey basketball therefore by elimination making me a smart american so that's what his he's because he's a smart american yeah he's also the guy who contributed the tinkerbell overheard last week very funny yeah um

are you sure is that mo yeah i thought is that short for maurizio yep okay uh here's sean lemley from eugene oregon said uh please let it be me please please please please please please please please please please please, etc., etc. Many lines worth of please. Ad nauseum. I was nauseous. Almost barfed. Yeah, I got horizontal as my roommate Sean would call it. I await your response.

Alright, here's our response. Probably not. Well, it comes off a little desperate. Yeah, a little bit. But thanks. Thanks for typing please so many times. Yeah, probably copy and pasted though. Tired to tell. I mean, you know. Yeah, you really can't.

With today's printers, you can't tell. The paste lines are so thin. They're perfect. Brandon, who's an industrial design student, he says... What's that? What is industrial design? I don't know

He's designing industry Dow Yeah The TSX I don't know what an industrial designer does Maybe like equipment He designs the machines in factories Maybe he's a car Maybe he misspelled industrious He's an industrious designer Maybe like equipment? Like he designs the machines in factories maybe?

That would be a car. Maybe he misspelled industrious. He's an industrious designer. I think industrial design is like you're – Is it art or practical? It's very practical. It's not art. I think it's very practical. Yeah, like you're making like lamps.

Okay. I think. If you're an industrial designer, you're making like a mixing – For the lamp industry. So you're an industrial designer, you're making a mixing... For the lamp industry. They even have industries. We're going to have to... We'll get back to you. But that's already one point in his favor.

He's mystified us. Yes. I'm impressed. He's from Cincinnati, Ohio. He's Cincinnati. Very nice. Nicholas Shea's from Cincinnati. I also...

Former Jessica Zitzman husband. To bring it back around. And also the backdrop of one of the greatest shows ever in the history of sitcoms. Yeah. WKRP. Oh. Yeah. He's diplomatic, can almost juggle three objects, proficient in blogging,

enjoys pets, Tom Welling, and nice leather jackets. And I noted that he later wrote us again and already presumed that he had been crowned the official American listener because he introduced himself. Hey, this is Brandon, the official American listener, which I think is arrogant but confident. Forward, yes. Which I admire, but admire. I like is arrogant but confident. Which I admire, but admire. I like it. Despite of Tom Welling.

He just needs a haircut, really. Tom Welling? Well, he's in character. He's method. Clark's long grown out of it. She's not still on it anymore. Yeah, she is. Kristen Creek? Everybody except Lex Luthor's on it nowadays.

He left. That show's gone all crazy, right? It's gone all superhero-y now, right? There's all sorts of superheroes on it. He's flying around everywhere now. There's a whole bunch of other people. Is he wearing a costume yet? There's supergirls on there.

There's orgies. Is he wearing a costume yet? I don't know. I don't really watch it. Well, we'll get back to that. We're referring to Smallville for anyone who doesn't know what we're talking about. Smallville. Yeah. Look it up.

Sarah, she lives in Sydney, Australia. Disqualified. Okay. This is, I like, this is from... No, no, no. Actually, no. Her entry, Sarah from Australia, was that she really had no reason.

She had no reason, yeah. She was just kind of lousy, blousy. The Australians can wait their turn. Yeah. Yeah, thank you. In general. Jump in the queue. Joanna comes in with a blazing five-point kind of submission, why she should be.

First, currently representing not one, but two geographical demographics. I grew up in Texas, moved to the Northwest, first Coeur d'Alene, and then Portland. Red and blue states. Who else will unite the red and the blue states like I can? No one, I tell you.

No one. That kind of wide appeal will be important. Yeah, I know who you're talking about. O.J. Simpson. Will be important to you in the days to come. Nick, you've done two and a half. Number two, I'm a published author. She wrote a vegan cookbook.

Do your other potential official American listeners have an ISBN? Which, for the listeners out there that don't know what an ISBN is, every book gets an ISBN. It's like a barcode. Yeah, it's like a circumcision for books. It's when a book becomes a man. At a certain age. Yeah, when it reaches a certain age.

I think that's a bar mitzvah. Number three. In such capacity, Morgan Brayton's wife, Michelle, was a tester for my first cookbook, and her name is in the book. All right. And is currently testing for my second cookbook. That puts me two degrees of separation from you boys, so I'm connected. True. True.

Good point. But maybe grounds for disqualification. I was going to say maybe that's a plus. Maybe that's a minus. We didn't put that stipulation out there. I think it's a little unfair to lay it down now. We didn't put it out loud. But I'm really, like, with my critical eye, that of a critic. Yes.

You know they're showing that show, The Critic? Oh, yeah. Like the cartoon channel? Oh, good. On night. I watch it. It's really funny. Yeah, I enjoyed it in its time.

But I'm just looking for any reason to get rid of it. To thin the herd. No, no. I watched it. It was really funny. Yeah, I enjoyed it in its time. I'm just looking for any reason to get rid of. To thin the herd. No, no. I'm not. Keep it going. She's got a couple more, though. Number four. I'm a woman. Since you're both dudes, it would be a good idea if you had a little more vagina power on your side. You know it. I do know it. I said that this morning

when I looked in the mirror. Graham, you need some more vagina. Graham, I look at you and I think you need about 80% more vagina power. What did you think? Number five. Do you even need a reason? Number five. Doubtful.

She's right. We didn't. We left it at four. Waste of ink. Waste of a bullet point. But I enjoyed that. So she's definitely... That was creative. That was innovative.

That was clever. Jodi is a listener who took the time to break down her favorite points of all of the podcasts. That was kind of neat. That was appreciated. By the way, I really love hearing stories

about Dave's dog Grandpa and girlfriend Abby. I also enjoy stories about Grandpa. Oh, he's a little trooper. Sure, he's a rascal. He is a rascal. Sorry, he's not a trooper. He's a rascal.

So, Jodi, beyond that, so she's in. I like the itemized list that she sent in. Yep. She talks about Dave's sly remarks. That's pretty good. All right. She talks about Dave's sly remarks. That's pretty good.

Stephanie, I should be the official US listener because I fall for unintentional product endorsements. I recently consumed Cookie Crisp cereal. I don't think that has anything to do with us. Well, we mentioned Cookie Crisp. And I think they're actually unintentional. We intentionally

endorsed them because they paid us $10,000 each. I know. I'm burning through that money. In Cookie Crisp. Cookie Crisp dollars. Redeemable only at the Cookie Crisp gift shop in Michigan. Yes.

Okay. Beth says, I do think I should be your official American listener, or as I like to say, your OAL. I like that. Because I just contributed some prime humor to your show. She did. She sent some awesome pranks. Some pranks. Which will probably come up maybe next week.

I don't really have any reasons better than that. I'm not a comedian. I can't grow facial hair. And I am a college-educated labor worker. Been there, sister. I think everyone in this room has been in a similar state at one point. Did you, Abby? Labor? No, I don't think

Abby or I have done anything manual. Okay, well, Beth, I'm talking straight to you right now, my dear. You've been moving boxes of pop as a waitress, but that's about it. I've worked as a college-educated labor worker for many years, but she says, I do have...

It doesn't mean you can't appreciate it. Damn right. Because we appreciate it. I do have two really great dogs, and that should be enough, because I am following the American dream to be an official podcast listener in Canada. I like that. Her great dogs, I asked, they're Ridgeback Crosses. Ooh, interesting.

He's a giant. We have from a lady. They're only about 60 pounds. Average weight. Erica sends in. She wants to be the official. She's 26. Originally from the Seattle Erica area.

Area, probably. Sorry. Her name is Erica. That's what they used to call her. Seattle Erica. I see. I wasn't wrong there. Until she moved. Now she lives in the nation's capital, Washington, D.C. That's what they used to call her Seattle Erica I wasn't wrong there

Now she lives in the nation's capital Washington D.C. She went from Washington to Washington It's like jungle to jungle The Jonathan Taylor Thomas smash hit Below is my submission for the prestigious title And this is it She writes a pledge of allegiance

I pledge allegiance to Dave and Graham On behalf of the bumpers of America and to the hilarity for which Spy stands, all episodes on the air, irreplaceable, with segments of laughter for all. That's pretty good. That's pretty awesome. I really like that.

I'm going to go ahead and say... I'm just going to say she's my favorite. Right off the bat, Erica, I think that regardless of the outcome of this fray, I think that's going to become our official Pledge of Allegiance. We were looking for one of those. We don't pledge allegiance to anything in Canada

so we could use one. Do we do the queen? Pledge allegiance to the queen? No. No, we say, God save the queen. Da-da-na, da-da-na, something. She ain't no Meg. Check out where I put the safety pin. Weird that Canadians have British accents that aren't da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- Brian Auga. There you go. You can cover it with that. I lived the first 30 years of my life in Chicago and the last year married to a Canadian woman

and am living in Winnipeg. Hopefully that doesn't disqualify me. It might. It might. Since you brought it up, I'm eager to disqualify. Yeah, no, I mean the Chicago thing. The windy city. We're into it.

Chi-town. Hey, here's a fun thing. Since the last episode, a gentleman was elected president of America. If you haven't heard. No, what was his name? Wait, wait, wait. Don't, don't.

It was in the papes. It was his name. It sounded like another famous name. It was like something like Brandon Iglesias like something like brandon iglesias or something like that it was enrique iglesias okay uh but uh abby when you and i watched uh the election coverage that night uh we thought there was a big party in chicago park in chicago and uh abby was like i just want to see chic Chicago celebrities and I was like well there's Oprah and she said

I was kind of hoping for Lupe Fiasco or Common or Kanye or maybe John Cusack did you guys see the Will.i.am via hologram? of course my favorite favorite part about the whole hologram part was having to see the back of his head yeah yeah yeah you didn't even get to was having to see the back of his head.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You didn't even get to see him. You saw the back of his head. They didn't have any close-ups. No. Well, here's the thing. I understand you have to show, like, we were talking to Anderson Cooper, right? I understand you have to show Anderson Cooper when he's talking so you can have both perspectives.

Right. But it was a long time to see the back of his head. And, like, have you ever seen the movie Good Night and Good Luck? Yep. You remember the part where Edward... Where I fell asleep. Oh, really? It's an amazing film. It's not amazing.

I have not seen it. It is amazing. Bit of a snooze fest. No, it's awesome, and it won Oscars, so shut your mouth. Yeah, I would have tried it with color. But there's a scene where the character, Edward R. Morrow,

is doing these interviews that aren't actually interviews they're pre-filmed because they didn't have any live via satellite or whatever so they would film one half of the interview and then they would show him like interviewing somebody in kansas or whatever and he's just reading a script and that's what anderson cooper was doing with this hologram like it wasn't an actual live connection. He wasn't actually looking at anything because there was not actually... Okay, well, we got a few more people.

Okay. You stop with your good night and good luck. We've got a few more candidates. Any more on your list? Nope, that was me. We had Eric. Did we mention Eric? He was the first ever listener overheard that we read.

Oh, okay. And he can be petulant and difficult like America. Ooh, good call. See, I couldn't, like, when I was looking through, I tried my best to find as many entries as I could, but I knew I'd probably miss some. We also had a Karen,

who lives in Minneapolis, which I believe is in District of Columbia, or Guam, as it's pronounced. Is it in Minnesota? Oh, is that right? Is Minnesota a state? Yes. Okay.

It's a land of 10,000 lakes. Moving on. She should be our official American listener because she's a middle-aged, stay-at-home mom who has to rely on 20-something Canadian lads to make her laugh. That list is long, am I right? It's tail as old as time. And finally, we mentioned Ben, who mentioned the donkey basketball.

It's an American thing done by stupid Americans. that donkey basketball is an American thing done by stupid Americans. He later sent... He brought it up, and then he sent us an official entry. He lives in Massachusetts, and... M-I-S-S-A-S-U-H-T-T-S?

Nope. And he lives in Massachusetts where it is illegal to spit on public property. That's his entry. Thumbs up, Massachusetts. Yeah, to spit on public property. That's his entry. I also would like to note... Thumbs up, Massachusetts. Yeah, I can get behind that.

...that former Minnesota governor was... The body, Jesse Ventura? No, was the ambassador to Canada up until recently. Now I believe the ambassador to Canada is from South Carolina. So, never mind. Our sister state. Yep. Canada and South Carolina are sister states

but that's it the entries closed you had ample time to get your entries you had over a month and a half we've had it's closed now we'll mull it over like a cider

it's always welcome you can send emails to StopPodcastingYourself at gmail.com Yeah, maybe sway us. By bribing us with ginger ale you'll never send us. Yeah, that was a... Don't get me started on that.

Abby. Oh, now. Now we're into the gold here. We've done this segment before. a segment called Fan Mail. Let's roll the theme. Fan Mail. My girlfriend, Abby, who's also her old person. Yes, thank you.

Her old person? Own person. Same person. She works at a talent agency, and part of her job is to open fan mail i can't tell you the name or she can't tell you none of us i'd just rather not can tell you the names of of the uh stars and starlets her her uh company represents but they receive fan mail and some of it be Saget just say it's the guy who plays Saget in the Street Fighter movie

do you have anything for us? I think yeah I'm trying to remember what I did last time so I don't repeat myself but there was one it's kind of a downer

but I'll start with a downer and we'll end with a high note yeah this one time the person who wrote it didn't include their name but the person they mailed it to obviously had their name on it the receiver but it didn't have the sender's name on it okay they were preferred to remain anonymous sure creepy they had like psychic predictions of like doom oh and felt the need the video game and doom too and wolfenstein and also wolfenstein um but yes they felt compelled to contact this performer wow and tell them that they had this

dreamt or foreseen or whatever that something bad was going to happen. Like, don't fly to Albuquerque, or don't, you know, don't drive to your mother's house. Was this... That's really decent. That's decent of somebody. If I had a bad premonition about somebody, I certainly would never tell them.

Someone once sent your... But creepy, though. One of your clients the Purpose Driven Life, the book. Yes. That's weird. What's that guy's name? Jack?

Pallance.? Pallance. Jack Pallance. He did one-armed push-ups. The purpose truly was Jack Pallance. What was his name in City Slickers? Curly. Yes. And then Curly's brother, Shirley.

All right. So that was a little bit downer. Were there any specific predictions? I can't really remember. What else? I have... Oh, this one time. I get some religious stuff every once in a while.

And what else? It's fine. What does this one say? Is that a freaky dinner invite? A French dinner invite. Oh, I'll start with that one. This guy wrote an email. Did he call before?

Yes. He called and talked to me, and he just happened to luck out that I speak French because he was calling from Vancouver, but he was French and just been living here for a little bit and wanted to contact this actress. Or actor. Or, you know, whatever.

D. Bonaduce. E. Plum. But, yes, we talked to him. He called and asked me if he could pay for himself and this performer to go to, was it Paris? Maybe, yeah. So they could have dinner at the top of the eiffel tower with that person yes and he's dead serious now and i and i like i played it nice but like firm on the phone saying like okay yeah it's funny but you know i'm sure she appreciates was it was it those blah blah who talked to Sarah Palin he didn't say

he was the president of France or whatever president and prime minister so do you think this was a gag thing or do you think this guy was just loopy

I don't think so I think he was just just for laugh gag do you have any dog clients who get calls from other dogs asking if they can

reenact the lady in the tramp thing no that's never happened. But I don't answer every single phone call that comes into the office. From a dog. Now, Abby, if you were a celebrity or a celebritant,

would you... Somebody invites you to come to Paris. We don't even have to fly in the same flight. Just go to Paris, have a dinner at the top of the Eiffel Tower. Would you say no or would you say yes? Oh, I would say no. I would say yes. Was this aimed at a client who is pretty wealthy already?

Oh, yeah. She doesn't need to have anything paid for. Right. She's fine. Yeah, she's fine. Or he. Or he. Shmi.

He, she. Jay Hirsch. Dee Johnson. Dee he-she. Jay Hirsch. Dee Johnson. Dee the Rock Johnson. Oh, man. Jay Claude Van Der. Oh, what to do. All right, so now we're going to the religious one.

This is, they sent the book and the DVD. Of? Of Heaven is So Real. Whoa. That's what it's called. Is that how you say it? Is it Heaven is So Real? Heaven is So Real.

Heaven is So Real. Is Heaven Real? I don't think Heaven's Real. Is So. Yeah, like Heaven is So Real. Or not. But the woman named Choo Thomas, a Korean-American raised in Korea, the only daughter of non-religious parents,

meeting Jesus for the first time in February 1992. She embraced the Lord with a passionate love. Where was Jesus in February 1992? Meeting this lady. Okay. What would he do? What was he doing? J Christ.

There you go. She embraced the Lord with a passionate love, spending every waking moment in his presence. Two years labor at Neighborhood Assembly of God in Tacoma, Washington. She first saw Jesus' presence visibly, and in 1995 began experiencing physical manifestations from the Holy Spirit while in church. A series of heavenly journeys with the Lord

changed her life and destiny, bringing forth this remarkable book. Now, this lady, it was a lady who sent this in? Or is this a fella? I think it was not Chew herself. I know that. I think it was a guy. And it was addressed to a client.

But it wasn't the author of this book. Was it a publicist? I don't think so. It had like a private address or anything. It didn't say it was from the publishing house or anything like that. If you were going to send a book to a famous person, the famous person you idolize, what famous person and what book? Ooh. Okay.

Let me think for a second. First of all, I've got to zero in on the famous person, right? And then think about what they need and what book would accomplish that. Lolita to R. Kelly. Right. Okay. Okay to R. Kelly. Right. Okay, yeah, yeah. Something like that. Something that makes a lot of sense.

Or send him something that's the opposite of that. He needs to stop doing that more than he needs to continue doing that. Is there a lesson in Lolita? I'm trying to think of somebody that I really like. Who's a celebrity that I like? There's not a ton of celebrities that I think that I'm really into.

Yeah, and none of the celebrities I really am into I really worry about. Okay. I think Ricky Gervais is going to be all right. I think Jon Stewart has a pretty good, solid reading list. He probably makes good choices. Sure. Okay. I'm thinking more of somebody that I maybe don't perceive as being a pretty good, solid reading list. He probably makes good choices. Sure, okay. I'm thinking more of somebody that I maybe doesn't,

maybe that I don't perceive as being like a huge reader, like a Jason Statham, who I love, who I am in mad love with. Sure. So what book would I send Jason Statham if I had to pick one? What would he get a kick out of? Yeah, what would he laugh at? What would he read on set when he wanted to get away from it all? I think that Jason Statham would think that anything by the pimp-turned-writer Iceberg Slim.

Iceberg Slim! I think Jason Statham would really dig something like The Long White Con or the book Pimp. That would be my pick. Jason Statham, Iceberg Slim, anything. Iceberg Slims, anything. Anything from the canon of Iceberg Slim. Jason Statham in the conservatory with an Iceberg Slim um Abby do you have one more for us

um do I have I do have the one with the drawings this yeah yeah this one was an interesting one oh my god I just saw them on the back it's in French right and first of all I just saw them on the back it's in French right

first of all it's in French yes and first of all it's like illegible the handwriting is so bad it's such bad handwriting

and it's half and like I can't even read it it starts really spaced out and then it ends up super it's super scrunched together down at the bottom

because it's got to fit all of his last questions or statements about sex with this actress yeah or actor or actor something about yes sleeping together email the late peter boy yeah the late people yeah and i'm gonna go with the late r redford oh well this podcast isn't

coming out till tomorrow, so. We'll be dead by then. You're fine. The letter just says, I thank you all the time, yada, yada, yada. I'll email me, and then we'll get to know each other better, and then we can sleep together. You can come to my house, or I can come to your house, whatever you prefer. That's some fast translating. As the boys can see,

it's got crudely, crudely drawn boobs. The penis rubbing between them. That she looks like in the nude. I don't know why he would bother writing. And it's got her, she's got a little word bubble. She's got word bubbles. And she's saying, ah, ah, oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the penis has an arrow that points to it and says me not your penis my penis and his vagina is very strangely drawn it's like a bum I guess it's like a front bum

yeah vagina is a front bum alright we've learned anything she never got to see this letter I kept it really? she's probably a listener do you not think that the client would get a big All right, if we've learned anything. She never got to see this letter. I kept it. Really? Yeah. Well, she's probably a listener. Do you not think that the client would get a big kick out of... No? No.

Not particularly. That would be scary. That would be scary. You've never been a woman. The star herself or himself, a lot of people don't necessarily read them. Like they have an assistant or somebody deal with requests. Right. They don't necessarily read them every they have an assistant or somebody you know deal with requests right didn't necessarily read them every every letter personally so just say here's a stack of autographed pictures and put them in envelopes so do they actually have to sit there and they autograph a bunch

of pictures but like what's the appeal of having something that's autographed you know i've yeah i don't know i've never been i've never have an autographed picture of Dom DeLuise at home, and I really like that. I used to have a picture of Tuvok from Star Trek. That's pretty good. How do you think of Tupac? I'm thinking of the Vulcan guy. From rap genre.

Oh, one more thing. We have a lot of people... We're about to get a website. Yeah, we're working on it uh and we need for a lot of people uh comment on our blog page a lot of people comment on our facebook group we just recently got a uh a comment on our facebook group uh regarding uh that our time travel theme song sounds a lot like the pink song yeah Yeah, it is. It's the same song.

It's strange how that happens. But I was just wondering, when we have this website made, should we have some kind of forum or some kind of feedback area? Bolting boards or something. That's just like a central location, because now they're in two separate locations where people are leaving us feedback. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So leave us feedback about where we should leave feedback. About where you would like the feedback. Yeah. And, yeah, also, we do really thank you so much. We've got so many people wrote in over the past little while, and it's really great. And thank you so much for taking the time out of your day, not only to listen but to write in.

Yeah. And so we really appreciate it. And if you have anything to write in about, we answer all of the emails at stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com. Right now, we're on the front page of the iTunes podcast page.

I imagine we have a lot of new listeners. Welcome aboard. I hope you can keep up. We're very fresh. Yeah, we are very fresh. Also, Dave takes a lot of time each and every week to compose a blog uh page uh dedicated to each episode it's kind of a recap i always enjoy it super funny it adds a whole other dimension to the podcast that no other podcast we're we are working on two dimensions audio and video and uh so check it out stop podcast yourself.blogspot.com and uh we'll

be back here next week put up a show every week if you liked it please tell your friends abby thank you so much for joining us happy to be a part of it uh and yeah thanks again for uh downloading us and we'll see you again next week here on Stop Podcasting Yourself.