Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 401 - Steve Bays

Episode Date: November 23, 2015

Steve Bays of Mounties, Hot Hot Heat, and Fur Trade returns to talk boat living, teppanyaki, and cannons.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 401 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who, if he has the time, will, instead of watching a movie he could be watching, he'll just watch Moneyball. Mr. Dave Shumka.

Yeah. Nothing wrong with it. Oh, well that's not new information. How long is Moneyball? Two hours? Yeah, but I'd say a solid 120. Okay. It's also, the other one I will rewatch

on Netflix all the time when I can't decide on a movie is the Facebook movie. Oh, social network. And that comes on TV quite a bit as well and I'll just start watching it.

And they're both written by Aaron Sorkin. Mmm, Sorkdog. Sorkdog from, oh, have you listened to Sorkdog Radio,

his podcast? Yeah, he's great. It's a little, everyone's got too much of a point of view. It's very preachy. And they're walking while they're recording. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is very.

And I was, I'm very excited to see the Steve Jobs movie, though not excited to see it. Not excited enough to go out to see it. Yeah, you and everybody else, apparently. Because I like Aaron Sorkin, Sorkdog. But I think only when he writes characters who already exist. Like, I don't want to hear, I haven't made it through more than an episode of West Wing or Sports Night. Or Newsroom.

Yeah, I watch every episode of Newsroom. Stinkeroo. Our guest today, a returning guest uh we're very glad to have back on the show musician producer a rock on tour rock on tour rock on oh trademark the rock on tour tour uh mr steve bays is our guest hello hello uh how are you excellent thank you for having me thank you for coming back on the show is this my fourth time well we're not counting i think it is we like to have you on every hundred episodes yeah i'm excited that it's 401 yeah man one of my my highways of choice. Where's that?

Don't know. Oh, okay. But it's totally a highway. It sounds like a California highway. Yeah. Definitely better than the 101. I don't like the 101. Why? What's wrong with the 101?

Where's that, LA? It's on the, if you drive from Vancouver to LA, you can take the one, which is through Carmel and along the water and stuff, and it's beautiful. Or you can take the 101 and it's just all and along the water and stuff and it's beautiful or you can take the 101 and it's just all where's the i5 and all on the left is a walmart right across the street from a walmart classic abandoned walmart's that have just closed but like nothing else is big enough to go in a complex that big so they just sit there you couldn't yeah you couldn't make like a combination because even walmart has a mcdonald's in it you could yeah it's already a combination of things but like if you yeah you couldn't make like a combination because even Walmart has a McDonald's in it. You could. Yeah. It's already a combination of things.

But like if you. Yeah. You couldn't just open up a second hand store. Right. Like we got to really space out the racks guys. Just like vintage guitar amps or something. Yeah. Or just a firework store.

What else is as big as a walmart um like an airplane hangar yeah i think yeah yeah like jay leno's car collection that's what i was

gonna say oh maybe just a room like does he have one airplane hangar for his cars and one for his denim shirts right i met him

once and he wore a denim shirt i mean i guess he always does so you met him off you like wore a denim shirt i mean i guess he always does so that you met him off you like not performing on the tonight show i i'm yeah we did once and i got to meet him and he was just a robot he just came up and was like i'm known for being nice to the guests he didn't say that no no oh yeah and they're oh, we're still tinkering with the program. He's not supposed to say it like that. It's supposed to be more nuanced.

But before the show, he was in his denims? Yeah. Oh, yeah. All denim. Did you ask him, like, any carburetor questions? No, I was just so focused on his makeup. It was on so thick. Oh, really?

Yeah. But it's got to be for these high-def TVs, you know. I know. Not like us. We just put a light, just to get the sheen off before we record our audio podcast. I say put a little under-eye concealer. Graham's wearing full Kiss grease

paint, though. Yeah, kabuki. But it's my own creation. It's not one of the Kiss guys. It's Kiss inspired. So Kiss has the demon, the cat man, the space ace, and the kitty cat. Wait, no, did I say cat twice? No, they have the cat man and the kitty cat. He's a smaller guy.

And star man. What are you? I'm a basement suite. I just painted a black and white Jamaican flag on my face. How can you tell it's Jamaican if it's just black and white? I know, I didn't think of that. I didn't think of it through. I panicked halfway through.

And also, it's all caked in your beard. That's like, oh, it would be tough to be in Kiss because you couldn't have any facial hair. No, that's true. Oh, maybe Kitty Cat Man has a mustache. And I think Gene Simmons had a goatee for a while. But maybe that was in the non-makeup years. I saw him speak once in Vancouver.

Gene Simmons? Yeah. What? Was he wearing all denim? No, but he... What if he just only met celebrities when they were only wearing denim? What was he speaking of? So so far there's only been one but uh he was speaking at some oh by the way i am dressed yeah it dawned on me just as i was about to what uh what people who live in denham how is uh it was like a canadian music

week or something like that and uh he talked about how you should never do drugs and never drink and work seven days a week. But he did say it's okay to sleep with lots of women and brought up his number. Oh, yeah. What's his number? What's his sleep number? Cheats. 666. It was really disturbing.

It was in the four figures the four figures starting with four I don't know why I'm hiding it on his behalf it was like 4000 something and he was like yeah another one today and this was at the Commodore

another one bites my nuts it was really disturbing and I was like okay I'm leaving this i don't want to take tips from and you were like it's canadian music week gene yeah right yeah we don't talk we don't brag about those things four thousand that can't be he's i don't i think he's multiplying a number by four thousand know, because guys always add 4,000 to their number. Yeah, and then...

Wouldn't his wife be like, hmm? Well, they're not married. Yeah, so he found a loophole. That's his thing he always said.

He was like, well, we're not married, so she knows, and then she's always on the TV show going, he's not. He's not being gross

with other women. Except on that one video. Do you think that he's more like a Tracy Jordan character where he's completely... I think he's like a Tracy Chapman character. Got a beautiful voice. I was going to say Michael Jordan, but yeah. His stats are... Is it fair to say Gene Simmons is the Michael Jordan of music?

Yeah. He's got crazy stats. And everybody wanted those Gene Shimmons shoes. The Gene Shimmons shoes? The shimmy shoes. He's got crazy stats. And everybody wanted those Gene Simmons shoes. The Gene Simmons shoes? The shimmy shoes. Gene's shimmy shoes. The Gene Simmons shimmy shoes. They flash the shot.

Probably, like, of all the people in the world, they are probably maybe the two that have their names on the most products. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, like, his name isn't Kiss, yeah. Yeah. I mean, like, his name isn't Kiss, but you know what I mean. Do you know,

what if he made a deal with his wife where it's like, as long as I'm wearing the makeup, then I'm not technically cheating. That's technically

demon guy doing that. I think that's probably what it is, yeah. It's probably some sort of, some sort of negotiation. That's probably why he wore the makeup even though he didn't want to but he i think he probably when he was giving that talk because i saw him i saw his tv show yeah and he

did like this one sort of thing throwing a commercial where he talked about how you should work seven days a week yeah and it was, he even had it be two jobs. And so, so it was like, you work 40 hours a week, but if you work a 10 hour day, then, uh, seven days a week,

then those extra 30 hours are all overtime. So you're making twice as much money in that time, but no boss will ever let you do that. Yeah. Nobody will just, uh, Oh, you're still here.

Well, I guess I have to approve this overtime. Yeah, and his overtime is coming up with new merch scams, you know? Yeah. Yeah, what about

Kiss headphones? That's his whole day at work. Do you guys do merch here? We have a t-shirt available at the MaxFun store. Oh, and we have a casket.

Yeah, we do have the stop podcasting yourself. Stop podcasting yourself. podcasting yourself ah pretty good um but yeah but we're always on the lookout for new merch well i mean we're never we're terrible businessmen yeah yeah and everything that we've said yes to has been a disaster that taser yeah that uh bag for babies to put over their heads. What's that? I was just like, hey, put your logo on a bag for babies to put over their faces.

Yeah. Well, and originally our marketing was, is your baby ugly? Yeah, so it didn't move as many. But it was a plastic bag, so there was a lot of... A lot of kickback. Yeah, a lot of kickback. A lot of kickback. On Kickstarter. Oh, yeah.

Have you ever been part of a Kickstarter? Have you ever funded something? I am horrified by the thought of having to do the pitch video for that. You know, like, yeah, I have to make a little video. Yes. Yeah. I can't pitch myself for anything. No, I don't think I could either.

Yeah. But I did see one that i almost contributed to because it was so funny that it was a woman who moved into a place that had a uh a stripper pole installed like near the kitchen and so she was monkeying around on it which you would yeah of course and it came loose and it crashed and destroyed her stove. So she was looking to buy a new stove. Oh, but she didn't film all that. No, no, but she had pictures of the stove and the pool. I thought it was going to be like this woman had this stripper pole

and she wanted to make it into like a North Pole, Santa's Village. She wanted to invite the neighborhood kids into it. That's what the Kickstarter was for. But as she was filming it, it crashed on her stove. So she had to start the second Kickstarter. Yeah. Are you going to do one, do you think, at some point? A Kickstarter?

Or like a Dragon's Den or something like that. Yeah, I would go on Dragon's Den. I could see you doing that for sure. I feel like I talk the Boston Pizza guy's language. Yeah. I was on a plane with him recently, so that was exciting. Which one's that? Jim Trevor-

Treveling? Treveling? For anyone not from Canada, Dragon's Den is- Shark Tank. Shark Tank, yeah. Or if you're from Britain, Dragon's Den. So outside of not supporting Kickstarter- Oh, one more thing. And meeting and meeting jay have you guys never

supported a kickstarter i no i definitely have because um past guests of this show have gone like to festivals right and like done a thing and i i've given to like i don't know maybe a dozen oh wow and i and indiegogos and stuff like that sure and i they always send you updates yeah you can just stop sending me those i don't i don't care i was just being nice i don't i'm not really like uh i know i'm literally invested in this thing but i'm not emotional right i was talking to somebody who has invested in like well i don't know you call it investing i don't know supporting whatever yeah but he's done like 50 or more and he said he's never received one of the things what why would

you do it then uh because i think like you hear a thing that you're like hey that sounds like a really good idea like there was one on facebook that was like the best uh umbrella you've ever seen and i was like i want to buy it yeah but then i want to And I was like, I want to buy it. But then I want to buy it now. I don't want to buy it a year from now. Yeah, when it's funded and then it's in a store. I always hear of ones like drones that comb your hair. Please tell me that that's a thing.

A drone that combs your hair? Yeah, it keeps getting caught in my hair. The rotors keep getting stuck. And I'm lifting off the ground. Oh, no. Are you tired of combing your hair? But you have enough ceiling space for a drone. I'm going to go on Kickstarter right now and search for drones.

Comb drone? No, just what the best drone-related Kickstarters are. I'm mildly intrigued by drones, but down the line, not yet. You know what? I was saying a little while ago that we should stop making fun of Guy Fieri. And we should stop making fun of people who vape. No. Both of those are difficult.

Because they're just trying to get healthy. They're not, I mean, sure, they're drawing a lot of attention to themselves. Yeah, and also, you're walking down the street and have to walk through this giant cloud of vape. But it smells like bubble gum. I know, but it just came out of somebody. Yeah. I'm walking through it. It's gross.

walking right it's gross um but the uh i haven't seen any in person but i think the those um segways that don't have a handle yeah they're like roller skate segways those are the things to make fun of now well i mean but i want one i kind of want yeah yeah but i think we can can't we just keep can't we just keep making fun of the things that we love to make fun of and then add new things? I mean, yeah. I feel like. Ideally, you'll have a list of at least 100 things to work from. Yeah. Episode of thousands.

But I watched, what did I watch yesterday? Oh, Kelly and Michael. Mm-hmm. And they had like, they were sampling all these different Segway type devices. Yeah, there's about 10 different ones right now. Yeah. Some of them are pretty cool. Like if you could combine those with the shoes that have wheels built in.

Yeah, Heelys. That would be cool. Two different Segways, one for each foot. They had that. What? Yeah, they had like, it was like, you know, powered, basically powered roller skates. And then they had a skateboard that had one wheel in the middle that you balance on. And then it just goes zoom. I would like that.

And then put like a vape in it so there's like a bit of smoke trail. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And some donkey sauce. Maybe if you had a tube that goes up so you can vape, but then it comes out your foot exhaust. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because then it wouldn't get in your face. And it would look cool. Look cool, smell like bubble gum.

Just be zipping around Fraser. Oh, you could call yourself the bubble gum kid. The bubble gum bad boy. Zoom, zoom, the bubble gum bad boy. Is it going to be distracting if throughout the episode I just interrupt what we're talking about to mention drone-related Kickstarters? Yes, it will be. Need an aerial photography slash video? Drone Hinge is the social platform to find drone pilots at your service around the world.

A social platform. Do we really need a new platform? Yes, you need a new drone social media. I want to be able to interact with other drones while I'm droning. Is that the term? i want to be drowning in drones by the end of this decade i want to just be i want it like i want to have to like dodge my head constantly because there's so many useful drones yeah and then there's like a cloud of drones because they're all meeting in the air and like communicating with each other. Passing off USB sticks. Oh, you can help fund Portland's first ever drone racetrack.

Oh, cool. They're looking to get $67,000. They're at $40. Does it have a clever name like Drone Henge? No. Drone Henge. It's just the Portland's Drone Raceway. All right.

Well, work on it. I really want to go to Portland. I haven't been in a long time since it became Portlandia. Oh, really? Yeah. Like, when was the last time you were there? Just on tour, I've been a bunch. You can say one more drone thing, then you have to start paying attention.

Well, then I'm going to, darn well, I'm going to find the best one. And then I'm going to, darn well, I'm going to find the best one. I remember, actually, I think I might have mentioned this to you before, but once we played Portland, we were on the radio station, and they said, instead of hot at heat, they said Triple H is here. And then we got all these wrestling fans. They're like, man, there's a ton of people outside for you. It's like, Triple H? Kind of playing a small venue, but okay.

And it was like, guys with drawings of Triple H. I drew this! Of you. Yeah, they were bummed. Okay, Dave. One last drone thing. No, I don't like this one, so I'm gonna... The time limit is running up

on this drone talk. We've moved on. We're in Portland talk now. Okay, I'm going to pass. Okay. All right. And I'll just keep looking. No, Dave, put down your phone.

I'm going to pass on listening to you. Hi, Steve. How are you? Episode 401. 401, eh? Let's get to know you. Um, so you want to go to Portland? I, yeah, I was, I was talking about it last night.

I don't have anything interesting to say about it, except for I love that it's, look, it just seems so cool that you can run a business out of your house and not have to get a permit and you're not allowed to pump your own gas. There's a lot of weird laws there. There's no sales tax. It seems really cheap to live there, so you can just start really niche businesses. Yeah.

I mean, kind of like what you guys have done, I guess. Oh, yeah. Don't tell anybody about our business. I have this sex drug that I'm working on. So what's new and exciting? I've been living on a boat a little bit. Oh, yeah, right. You've been living on a boat.

Which has been really cool. So break it down for me. This is not a luxury liner that has a shower, a toilet, amenities. This is a boat. It's a fishing boat. I thought it would switch it up, and it stinks. It was used to fish for many years. And now it's a houseboat?

No, it's still just a fishing boat. But it doesn't go out as often. I cleaned it up, yeah. I've never taken it out. It's just in the docks. And I ran into this. Does the boat smell or do the docks smell? Both.

Yeah. I mean, and you wake up to the sound of mussels being cracked on the roof every morning because crows throw them at the roof to break mussels. Ah. Yeah. So every morning it's just like, and then you're like scuttling. Really nice.

The sound of the pitter patter of little feet. It's really cute when you actually start hearing their feet clacking. Yeah. You kind of respect them a bit more. They're worthy of your respect. Yeah. But they're not cute. They're not cute.

Ravens, however, I do find interesting visually. Yeah. Do we have those here? I went for a hike the other day and I saw a big raven. Are they just big crows? They're like two feet tall when you're actually up close to one. Really? Yeah.

Ravens are massive. You never know. They look like crows. I'll stick with crows, thanks. Not interested. Right. Something that gigantic. But anyway, so yeah so this boat it it stinks but I just yeah it's really nice does it have a name oh yeah Elina V so basically I ran into uh this guy I knew from Victoria that was at a bar and he was he was really out of it and he... He used to play in a metal band in Victoria.

And I used to put on shows and stuff in Victoria. And so I knew he was a drummer. And I hadn't seen him in years. And he's with... He works... Now he works at a strip club. Sure. That seems like a logical lateral move.

Yeah. Metal band work at strip club. Yeah. And then he's with his girlfriend. And she's like a madam at the strip club, I guess, and like takes care of the ladies. And they were just really out of it and telling me their story, and I thought it was pretty cool. And then he, somehow the-

Wait a minute. So he was telling me about how he goes out with his twin brother, and they would go fishing for four months a summer. Okay. And it's just like four months of just hardcore fishing they all come back with is everything this guy does hardcore i think so yeah he's he looks like axl rose and he's a really sweet guy but he's really lives like in an alternate universe anyway so his dad passed away and he's just got this boat sitting there

okay he was like i he was really drunk and he said oh yeah you can you can crash it whenever you want so checked it out the next day and i was like it's kind of cool and i kind of wanted some more inspiration so yeah was there a bed on it there was it was made of fish it was it was a net it was it was like made of all like a mishmash of pillows and stuff. And there was an actual bedroom on it. It's like about 30 square feet. It's really tiny. Okay. Because it's meant to just, yeah.

Like it's a big boat, but most of it holds the fish. You know what I mean? Yeah. And actually it's owned by the fish. You're their tenant. But yeah, I just scrubbed it out and moved all like the working stuff to like the holding tank area and just made it cozy. Put up some Christmas lights and just been testing it out.

Yeah. And then what's the shower bathroom situation? Well, there's no running water. Okay. That's the downside. So you just live off of bottled water. Okay.

And then I would just shower whenever i was at a friend's house or if join the ymca yeah go to the gym and stuff like that were there other people living in boats down by the thing well it's you're not like i had to be there on the dl because it's a really tight community and the only way you can live on a boat down there is if you have a commercial fishing license which is kind of like a grandfathered in thing it's a really tight community, and the only way you can live on a boat down there is if you have a commercial fishing license, which is kind of like a grandfathered-in thing. It's kind of like rent control in New York. It's impossible to get.

It's a really weird thing. So you had to keep on the deal. And, yeah, the guy that was across from the boat I was on was kind of a bit of a drug dealer. Well, everyone down there living illegally on boats. It's got some weird story. Yeah. I mean, I guess they're not all illegally living on boats,

but they're not living in society. Yeah. You are the only people who understand me, fish. Everyone was a bit of a shady character, which was really cool, I i guess it feels like that is in 1980s action movies either a camper or a boat were the two places that like uh or kind of a rugged yeah van actually i became these are all things in action movies that are easy to blow up yeah oh yeah that's. There was kind of like a Jackie Chan,

Rumble in the Bronx, like kind of like, okay, I won't go down that road, but there was one guy actually. Why? Why not? There was one guy like right across from me as well that his boat just looked like

an inverted hoarder's home. Oh, everything's hanging off the outside? Yeah, yeah. I can't even go take a photograph of it, actually. It's really crazy. And once in a while, it looks like nobody's lived there in years, but once in a while he'd come out, white beard, like long beard, just old man, this rickety bike to go get supplies.

Go back in, like windows boarded up, everything. Yeah, a lot of people, all their windows are boarded up so that you can't see that they're living in there. That makes sense. Yeah. But like also, yeah. I mean, what makes sense once you're living on a boat? Yeah. How long did you live on this boat?

Well, it just started to get too cold. So I'm just moved off. But it was like three months. Wow. Really, really awesome. So, like, do you miss it now that you're back on dry land? Well, I just talked with the boat owner. And I'm probably going to go back to it eventually.

It's just because it was a fishing boat, it wasn't insulated that well. So, there was holes. Like, right where I was sleeping, there was holes of light coming through in the morning and stuff. Literally just fiberglass and, no insulation so what um did he have any like regrets like because you you sort of entered into this pact when he and his girlfriend were out of it yeah no they were they were they were taking a lot of trips to the bathroom but um and and so i just assumed he was just... Yeah, diarrhea, right?

Oh, they were out of it. Yeah, they were eating SpaghettiOs the whole night. No, no. Doing a nose motion because it stinks in there. No, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. He's a super sweet guy, actually. But yeah, the next day I thought, oh, he's just kidding.

But I guess his dad had passed away the year before and they hadn't touched it. So he was kind of excited that I was... Someone was going to... Yeah, go in and touch it. Yeah, it was like there was family photos and stuff. And his sister came by once and had never been there and started bawling her eyes out. And I was like, I can leave. You're scaring away my crow friends.

Hey, I like your cool tap dancing up there. Jingle, jangle, pitter patter. There was a, there was, there was a sea lions that would come and just like swim by all the time. Nice. Yeah, it was cool. There was a, I just tethered my phone to my laptop and i would just do my emails like hanging off the edge of the boat all the time editing videos that apple

care yeah no i didn't have apple care which is the crazy so dangerous it's the crazy part but that's a real like that's as bohemian uh uh lifestyles you can buy you've hit like maximum bohemian oh what could he do to increase it well leaving a dock might have stepped it up that was the only thing that felt oh living on the ocean like yeah oh like this gag if i turn the end but i think if you had like one of these crows as your pet as like a right-hand man named well whatever tyrone sure it's your crow yeah um if that if that's the crow that you want um but like maybe he's you know he's dennis you sure yeah dennis but he's he's been injured he can't fly but he's you know he's taken to you and yeah yeah he brings you muscles every morning and i give him sour gummies yeah could you cook anything was there like an element or uh

no was there was the only element the element of surprise the fifth element um but yeah the uh i didn't i didn't cook a lot. I ate a lot of yogurt. I think he just stepped up the Bohemian aspect. Yeah. Living on a boat, eating lots of yogurt. Are you singing a song? Yeah. Living on a boat, eating lots of yogurt.

Hanging with McCrow. Dennis. We used to sing that at camp. Wow. A lot of cliff camp. Oh, wow. A lot of cliff bars. Yeah, sure. Honey Dijon chips. Oh, yeah.

It's like a reality show a little bit. Like, how long could you live on a boat? I wonder how long he could live on a boat. Probably not very long. It was super mellow, was the thing. And I moved there with just, like, the clothes I was wearing. And then I just started buying. Because I didn't want to bring stuff onto it that much. I just wanted it to feel like, you know, zero attachment.

Right. So I would bring some underwear and socks just to keep switching it up, you know. Sure. Yeah, the Steve Bay's way. Yeah. And then slowly bought a sailor's outfit. Yeah. One item at a time does anyone at the dogs

wear like an old like a perfectly pristine white sailor suit i'd love to see that just walking around yeah not much nautical themes out of where more just jogging pants yeah because i anytime i've been on a boat i've been like well what blazer do you wear? Yeah. What hat? Nice boat shoes, right? Yeah. Like a nice pair of matching dockers. Nobody does. Nobody does that, no.

You might see a popped collar here and there. Yeah. But are they all the way the boat you were in, were they all like industrial boats or were they their pleasure? Most of them. Yeah. Most of them were industrial boats. Yeah. Okay.

Um, like skinny puppy, KMFDM ministry. Yeah. But if you were docked where there were like fancy sailboats and yachts, then you'd see a lot more. Yeah. Maybe that's a lot more press slacks.

Yeah. Maybe that's, I think probably a lot less jugs of urine. It would go right into the water. That is another part is that, Bar press slacks. Yeah. Maybe that's, I think. Probably a lot less jugs of urine. Why did that just go right into the water? That is another part is that this boat didn't have great plumbing. So you couldn't put toilet paper in the toilet. In the toilet.

Yeah. So you do have to collect it. Ah. Yeah. Fun. I don't even know what it is in this situation. I'm not going to ask. Yeah. Fun. I don't even know what it is in this situation. I'm not going to ask. Yeah, you just collect it in a little bin within a plastic bag, and then you just... And then you're like, Dennis.

Dennis, take this away. And he flies it away. Fly it over to the hoarder's boat. Fly it to the barge. The barge that drops it off on Shit Ticket Island. Shit Ticket Island. But yeah, I guess it didn't really seem crazy at all. It just felt mellow.

I don't think it's crazy. But it's very like, if you were somebody in a bar and you told somebody, hey, I'm a guy who lives on a boat. Everybody would be like, let's sit next to this guy. I'm a guy who lives on a boat. Right. Everybody would be like, let's sit next to this guy. Well, the one thing I noticed was people don't, if you say, I live in an apartment, people are like, okay, what kind of apartment? You know, because whereas a boat, they're just, cool, you're living the dream. It's like, well, there is variations of different kinds of boats, but people don't think that way. But there are different kinds of dreams.

Right. Yeah. That's true. And like, I feel like somebody who lives on a boat full time also has some sort of nickname. Did you consider a nickname? Snake. Snake? Well, not a great water, not a great nautical thing.

What about Dennis? I think you are living the dream because dreams are a little confusing. Yeah. And like sometimes a little scary, but like just sort of like off-putting. Yeah. I think living on the boat is living the dream. What about Steve Barnacle Bays? Yeah.

Yeah. That's pretty good. I could do that. Or Terry. Terry Barnacle Bays? Just Terry Bays. Oh, yeah. Well, bay is, bays are nautical. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I didn't even think about that. Steve down by the bays. Just b is uh bays are nautical yeah oh yeah i didn't even think about that

down by the bays just bays bays yeah bays bays for days that's not uh i don't know i like it i like it i don't know that i could do it but uh because it seems like you it would be a lot more work to have a nickname yeah because you know you don't tell everyone. Yeah, you got to get a tattoo. Constantly reminding people. You can call me Barnacle. But yeah, what else? There was, I kind of had like a makeshift curtain with, what do you call those things that you stretch that have hooks on the end? Bungee cords.

Bungee cords, yeah. Did that. Yeah, there's not a lot of like home improvement shows about how to live on a boat. That's true. Yeah. Like, you can't tune in and get a bunch of ideas, or you can't, like, there's no magazines. Yeah, and a lot of people on boats don't have televisions. So even if you did, who's watching?

And it is when you go, I would go to nautical places and just look for ideas. And they were pretty snobby there. What kind of nautical places? Like, places that just, like, there's one on Gravel Island, there's one on Terminal. They just sell stuff that you can use on your boat. Yeah, like things that remove smell. Oh, okay.

But not like a nautical, you didn't go to a nautical-themed bar and be like, oh, how much is it? I did do that, actually. And you could get into it, but I didn't want to buy anything. I just wanted to just live on it with zero baggage what if this uh guy this heavy metal drummer was like we we want to get out of the boat owning business do you want to take it off our hands i would you would this become a permit i almost considered buying a boat and i'm still waiting to hear back there's this one boat

that it just looks like an old tugboat from like a West. It looks like it should be in a Wes Anderson film or something. Or a Wes Craven. Right. Or a Wes Borland. Yeah, Wes Borland from Limp Bizkit. Or Wesley from Mr. Velvety. It looks like Wesley Snipes might live on this.

But, and it's just this beautiful old boat. And the guy invested like 150 grand making all the wood inside it. Snipes might live on this. But, and it's just this beautiful old boat. And the guy invested like 150 grand making all the wood inside it. It was a Kickstarter. Drone boat. And it, yeah, it actually lifts off the water and flies short distances. Oh, yeah. Tired of water, but still like boats.

It's a hovercraft. But it can do aerial photography in some kind of hinge. Boat hinge. Boat hinge. So I guess he pimped out this old tugboat and it was beautiful, but then now this guy travels the world selling and installing water slides. It's like, it's like Mad Libs. And,

selling and installing water slides. I'll sell it to you, but you got to install it yourself. I bought a water slide, but I don't know what the fuck I'm doing with it. So the guy that, the guy that, that whose boat was across me,

from me that sells the Percocets and like just hangs out down there shirtless, TV all day in the bottom of his boat. Yeah. His girlfriend, who's in her probably late 70s, that would just... He has a girlfriend? He has a girlfriend. His girlfriend was like a super famous supermodel. She's a millionaire, but she loves this guy.

It was a weird relationship because he looks in his 40s and he would just be watching TV down in the, because they had more of a sailboat and in the sailboats you live closer, you know, under the water, you know, so there's not really any windows. Under the sea.

To use a nautical term. Would you say it's better down where it's wetter? It's definitely danker. So yeah. And so she would just hang out sun tanning and she was really tanned, like a whole lifetime of tanning. She was in her probably late 70s and he was in his 40s. And I think she just hung out with him because he had the Percocets. And she would talk to me about the same subjects at length.

How far apart are your boats? In knots. I guess if you were to lay down 30 knots side by side. Sure. We were quite close. Like he was directly across the dock from me. But like 10 feet? Like 20 feet. we were quite close like he was directly across the dock from me but like you know 10 feet

like 20 feet but you can yell back at it and force it yeah yeah yeah yeah we would he was the only person

that lived close to me but we would just what were her topics of conversation well do you want to buy some Percocet no

look up at 10 isn't it gross I knew through the grapevine about the perks but I the perks of living down grapevine about the perks but I the perks of living down there which was the perks of being a wallflower

which was shouting absolutely to this woman every day yeah I would always just go for a jog in the morning and she would talk to me

about jogging and how she can't jog because she was injured and she would tell me this every time I passed her we've talked about this

good job I'm injured bye yeah a lot of like i'll be here tanning when you come back can't wait for the sun to come out so she she has an early jump on tanning yeah at three in the morning she kind of looks like the woman from there's something about mary oh yes that's what i was picturing she had had this Marianne Faithfull kind of, you know, just glamorous feel to her. Yeah, like at one point in time, she was a real. Yeah. Like a real deal. Yeah.

So anyway, so she had the key to this boat, and she showed it to me a couple times because I kept debating buying it. And I did the math. It would be about the equivalent of two months or no, years of living paying rent in vancouver okay i was like two months go for it yeah no but it was it was cheap for a beautiful boat but then i i don't like the idea of having too many commitments right now for some reason yeah boat is like something you should buy when you already own a lot of stuff right that's true yeah it's yeah it's like a Ferrari or something. It's not the first thing you buy and you're like,

well, I'm out of cash now. But also though, just like, then you own a boat. Yeah. It feels so good to come back to the boat, especially with a little space heater at night and stuff. And when it's raining and stuff.

Oh man, you know what it sucks. It's coming back to my home. That is brutal. Where it's warm. Yeah. Yeah. This other boat had a shower, which would be nice. Anyway, so this guy,

the heavy metal drummer, he had a boat one dock over, and he was always having these big parties, and he had a big pleasure cruiser so wait he's he he's still in the he's in boat world yeah so i was saying on the boat he worked on with his dad before his dad okay but he has this other boat yeah he has this other boat that was a just a big party does he live on that he lives on that oh it has like a disco ball and stuff and it's

carpeted wall-to-wall carpet carpeted disco ball how does. And it's carpeted, wall-to-wall carpeting. Carpeted disco ball? How does that work? It doesn't reflect any light. Well, and so he was always friends with these, because he works at the strip club. Right. And his girlfriend and him would bring all the people back from the strip club all the time. What kind of people?

Clients or employees? Like employees. And so it was like a weird kind of... me strippers yeah yeah like um does it surprise me that strippers hang out on some boat i'm like i'm my mind is being blown constantly yeah today by all this but the fact that there's any life on boats i know this is a whole it's a whole other it feels like it's a whole other world the weird thing too is um like my boat was at the end of the dock his boat was at the end of his dock and you just couldn't hear anything so i'd it would seem silent and you'd walk onto his boat and all of a sudden there's just loud music and all these any way you want it that's

yeah you need and yeah exactly He was doing some DJing. But anyway, so he was always trying to get me to come over and hang, and he's a really sweet guy, but it just wasn't my scene, and I was just kind of, yeah. You're like, I'm not into boat life for the social aspect. Right. I was trying to get away, and so I totally, I loved that he would invite me over, but it was just a different world,

and it was just a bit too out of my zone. I knew a guy who years ago, he was traveling so much as a comic that he decided that he was going to buy a Winnebago and just live in that. Yeah. And I think that lasted maybe. Until he died. Which was four months later. How long did it last? Because I do wonder. died which was four months later how long did it last because i didn't it didn't it didn't last

very long because i think uh the upkeep on something like that is way outstrips just like having an apartment yeah the thing is you always think oh i'd be willing to do anything to keep it but then the second you wake up and you have to deal with it that day it's like yeah oh today you're not doing the podcast because you're because i'm scraping mold off of my face right i don't know yeah yeah yeah classic winnebago dilemma um but yeah no the the novelty like living in apartments where you don't own anything and you just make a call and somebody else fixes it is a nice living. Yeah, and it's also nice to, you know, just like it's just there.

You know what I mean? You got a key. You can just go into it whenever you want. Totally. It's the same reason I don't want to own a vintage car because I don't want to drive, get in. You're no Jay Leno. How did you and Jay Leno even have a conversation? I'm't want to drive get in you're no Jay Leno how did you and Jay Leno

even have a conversation I'm not very nice to the guests I'm not very known for it you seem like an idiot who doesn't collect cars so I'm going to be

over here do you want to harmonize man do you know that Jay Leno was Uber was doing Harmonize? Man. Do you know that Jay Leno was, Uber was doing a promotion that if you hired an Uber in LA, that Jay Leno was like driving one of his crazy cars. Oh, he was Ubering for a bit. He was Ubering. He's trying to steal from Jerry.

Can you imagine though, if you ordered an Uber and then Jay Leno showed up, would you be like, oh, let's catch the next one? Or I would get in. Can you imagine, though, if you ordered an Uber and then Jay Leno showed up? Would you be like, oh, let's catch the next one? Oh, I would get in, of course. Would you? Would you? I wouldn't. Why wouldn't you? Yeah, I guess, for the story, right?

Hey, I'm told he was very funny. By your parents? Well, no, but everyone says he was the funniest guy. If he showed up in a 70s model car, then I'd get it. Because that's apparently what he was funny in the 70s. Right. Yeah. But if it was 80s and higher, no go.

My parents seeing him, coming back from seeing him do stand-up at the arena in Victoria when I was a little kid. And they just kept saying how funny he was and how he was so clean. Yeah. No swears. They kept talking about that. I saw him in Las Vegas in 2007. You did? Yeah. Wow. When I won that contest. Oh yeah. Who did you see? Did you see somebody else? I saw Jerry Seinfeld at the what's her name? Cleopatra?

Lonnie Anders? Celine Dion. For the listener, Dave was doing a boob-grabbing motion. I was not. You were. I was absolutely not. And then I saw Jay Leno at the Danny Gans Theater. Oh, yeah.

And all that money he made from that live show, that's the money he uses. Yeah, that's right. Doesn't touch the Tonight Show money. So when's he hoping to spend that money? Because that's what he always talks about, right? That he saves his... I guess that's what he talks about.

I think he maybe mentioned it once and everyone makes fun of him. Yeah. But he also, yeah, he just... I don't know. I don't know. Maybe there will be like like a jay leno foundation after he passes on jay's kids yeah and there's a bunch of kids

fixing up model t's hey get them off the streets yeah the jalopy fun head to toe but in all denim. Yeah. Jeez, Jalopy Fund. Oh, man. Dave, what's going on with you? Well, I don't know, man. In our dry land lives. Yeah. Oh, boy.

Not a heck of a lot. I forgot to mention last weekend, or I guess a week or two ago on Halloween, we went to your hometown of Victoria. Oh, wicked. Abby and I. And I forgot to mention that one of the things we did was we went to a, like a Benihana style restaurant. Okay. Where you sit at a grill. Yeah.

At a griddle. And they make pancakes in front of you. Oh, that would be amazing. It's basically that. It's not pancakes, but it's... Was it Benihana? No. I forget the name of it.

It's like the Japanese village or something. Benihana. Benihana. Sorry. And I've never been to a restaurant like that. I never have. Denny's, Denny's, Denny's. This guy won't know.

They make moons over Miami in front of you. But it's, uh. Is it fun? Yeah. Yes. Okay. It's fun. Um, uh, you're all sitting around and the guy's cracking jokes and he's got like some

bits that he does. Right. What does he like flip? He's flipping things. He's got some, some flippy bits. Yeah. He's got one thing where he,. Right. Does he flip? He's flipping things? He's got some flippy bits. Yeah. He's got one thing where he cuts up an onion and makes it into a stack

and then fills it with water and steam comes out the top and he pretends it's a train and he goes choo-choo. Oh, man. That's fun. Yeah. Good, clean humor. It's clean.

Your parents would love it. Yeah. You see this guy from Benihana is at the center. So I feel like there's an asterisk coming. No. It was just I've never done that before. No, I haven't ever been to something like that. You?

I feel like I should have been by now, but no. Yeah, me too. Like it was really fun. Yeah. Yeah. Did you sit with another couple? No, no. It was really fun.

Yeah. Did you sit with another couple? No, no. We sat with Abby's cousins and our cousin and her boyfriend and Abby's aunt and aunt. So do you... She was an aunt and uncle, but no. You do kind of like surround the guy? Yeah. He's doing the show for your party.

Yeah. Wow. And then there was one other couple that was there on their anniversary and we felt kind of bad for them. They had to... this was their anniversary. Just hanging out with your in-laws. Hanging out with the six of us. Just like you promised it would be.

So romantic. At like five o'clock. Well, hopefully they went home and made sweet love. Yeah, maybe they had another place to be afterwards. Yeah, that's true. Maybe it's not the whole night. Maybe they go to another restaurant. Right.

Maybe they went home and made a child. Yes. That's what everyone is doing. Yeah. That's what you do after you have, what is it, teppanyaki? Teppanaki? Is that what? I'm trying to think if I've been to any, like, theatrical food.

And I really don't think I have. Medieval nights or anything? I feel like you would. Medieval times? Yeah, medieval times. I haven't been to medieval times. I haven't been to a Mexican restaurant where mariachis come over and sing. You've been to that?

It's the worst. I mean, it's the worst. Because it was a really small restaurant and it would go from table to table. Yeah. And then do you give them money? I don't know. We tried to finish our food so fast because we were the last table on their route. And then what about like you see it in movies?

I've never seen one in real life where you're at a fancy restaurant and a violin player comes in. Oh, I've never seen that in real life where you're at a fancy restaurant and a violin player comes. Oh, I've never seen that in real life either. I did. I did, uh, ate at this place in Mexico once where a guy comes to your table with a small stereo and just puts it on the grass in the sand. It's like a, you eat in the sand.

And then he just came up with a sax and just played over music versions of popular current songs. And, but is he an employee of the restaurant? Or is he just a guy? Like it's when... Yeah, he was hired by the restaurant. Because there are sometimes... Like there'll be a woman handing out roses that you're supposed to give money to.

But like where did she come from? Yeah, there was a woman like that there too as well. But yeah, he just plays sax. And you're like, I'm here with my co-workers. And then do you have to sit there quietly and listen? That's the worst part of it. It was a bit too loud was what I didn't like. It was just like, ugh.

And you can't tell them to go away. Why not? I guess you could if you were a dick, but I didn't feel like, I didn't want that hanging over me the whole meal. Like, that was rude. Yeah, yeah. And the song he's playing is like

Paradise by the Dashboard Light, and you're like, this is eight minutes long. He's honking out all the baseball breakdown in the middle. Yeah. No, it's that my theatrical dining experiences have been,

I've been really sheltered in that way. Have you been to, have you seen any flair bartending? Yes, yes. But I don't know who that's for. Like, I don't understand if I'm supposed to be happy that he's doing it. Because it seems like a thing that a guy bartender would do for a lady, a crowd of ladies, and vice versa.

But if it's just me and this fella and he's doing his flair bartending, I'm like... I'll take a beer. He's like, okay, I'm going to throw in hitting on girls while I get you that drink. I'm like, yeah, I guess. Is Coyote Ugly that sort of thing? I guess they weren't doing any

flair. They were just sort of getting up and... Dancing on the bar. Yeah, and kicking, cutting people's neckties off. Have you ever done a shot on your belly or whatever? No. Out of your own belly. Marilyn Manson can. He had a rib removed.

Is it weird that I had a rib removed so I could suck his dick? Well, still watching. Still watching the show I uh no have you done a some sort of body shot

is there is there an area at his concerts where people that have had their rib removed can Maryland's kids

polite themselves while watching the show yeah the Maryland Manson Foundation yeah so they have a little cordon off yeah he does a telethon every year more of a roast a rib roast yeah so i went to a flair flair Yeah. And the other thing that happened is we took a ferry boat over there.

Mm-hmm. And I hate the ferries. F-E-R-R-Y. Sure. BC ferries? Yeah. Okay. It's always an unpleasant experience.

But I've taken maybe four trips this year. Yeah. And on one of my trips, a woman came up to me with a survey and was like, well, can I ask you some questions? And, you know, like, how was your trip? Where are you coming from? Where's your destination?

It was just zero, zero, zero. Yeah. Scale from one to ten how much do you like me and did it leave on time that sort of thing and and then there's a private questionnaire you fill out after she talks to you and so how was the survey part of it well and so you fold that up and you put it in an envelope and you mail that or they give it back to the lady and she mails it for you. And then I took another ferry this trip and a guy came up to me with a survey and he was like, less than 1% of or less than 0.1% of people taking the ferry will be doing the survey. And I was like, I've done it half the time.

I've done it half my trips. And then, so I did the dumb survey with him. I didn't fill out the survey. I said I would, and I never did. And then I got a phone call from the ferry saying, from the fairies saying we only check back on the surveys

by phone with one in ten of the participants. You're beating the odds at every card. I am like the chosen one. And all the questions were, how was the survey giver? Like, were they nice? And did you fill out the other survey? No, I did not.

The next time you get on a ferry, they have Benihana-style ships. A three-part survey about their survey? Yeah. That's so meta. Yeah. Yeah, they have a meeting with just, like, who in the company? The results are great. I feel like when you get down to your car to leave there's a photo of you

filling out a survey on a Disneyland roller coaster I feel like it's because statistically

it's so unlikely that someone would be chosen for one of these surveys let alone a follow up survey let alone two

surveys I I feel like, you know in that movie Unbreakable? Yeah. They're trying to find the one guy

who can survive a train crash. I think I'm that one guy but for surveys. The one guy who can fill out surveys always? I'm the Bruce Willis

of surveys. Wow. You should, did you buy a lottery ticket? No, I didn't. The lottery commission. Different category of luck.

Yeah. They're like, will you fill out this survey about playing the lottery? So why, why I'm curious why you don't like the ferry? I,

I don't love taking it. I, it's because it's, um, uh, you can, I just, I miss them all the time.

Like you get there early and then there's a huge lineup and then you make a reservation, but you're like, oh, well, you know what? We can actually make this earlier one. Yeah. And then it turns out you can't. And yeah, I just like, I've wasted so many days for a 90 minute passing. Yeah. It is a process. It is a lot like to get to Victoria, start to finish.

It's about four hours yeah that's also like people let their kids go fucking crazy as soon as you're out on the open water yeah and it's super expensive if you have a car yeah 200 bucks just for one person to drive there yeah yeah yeah yeah more if you've got a guess yeah i'm gonna take the ferry on saturday and uh i'm yeah i'm kind of dreading it. Even though someone the other day said, you know, I've, I think, you know, the passage from Vancouver to Victoria is one of the wonders of the world. It is really pretty.

It is pretty. But there's also that lounge you can go in, which is like an extra $15. And it's the best $15. I know. I was going to say that that's the best way to enjoy the ferry because you get to see like a I don't know. What is it? A 180 degree view of yeah.

I went there last time and I didn't have to pay. I just walked in. Yeah. There's also that. You could do that. If you're sneaky like that. Yeah. I didn't even know that paying was a thing. I used to back when we caught the ferry all the time we would hide everybody in the van and amongst the music equipment and just pay for one person.

Right. There you go. Five or six people. And then we would go to the cafeteria. And you were like, I'm just a one-man band. Yeah. Put the cymbals on my knees. Dudes, dudes, dudes, dudes.

I actually became friends with a one-man guy when I was living down on the boat. Of course. Was it Loudon Wainwright? That's a very deep cut. This guy, you've probably seen him. He looks like a cyborg. And he's covered head to toe in all this weird technology. And he has a face like an 80s metal rocker.

Okay. If there's a sketch art. Please send us what you're envisioning. He's a Robocop with Axl Rose's face. You know how like when you see press photos

of bands and album covers where it's all their faces and stuff. It's like they were genetically made to be rockers. Yeah. Even just facially

and the kind of hair they have. I saw a guy yesterday that was working at a dock, and he looked like, I was like, you could transplant this guy into a band. Dog rock. Yeah. It's like how hockey players, a lot of hockey players look like hockey players.

Like, how does that come to be? From facial beatings. Yeah, that pucks to the face and mouth. Anyway, so this guy, so when I would go to the gym on Granville Island to shower often, and so we'd just end up like... Was it a lot of just showing up, having a shower, and then leaving? That guy almost never works out. Well, this guy would hang out.

There's like a little community room with a little library right beside the showers and stuff. He'd always be in there like working on his keyboard patches and stuff. And so we would just start chatting. And he's crazy. He has like all these like triggers on his fingers. And he lives in a van as well. So we would just exchange lifestyle details. And I'd see him there all the time.

And he'd like give me, you know, like, oh, you got to get the free Wi-Fi. Here's the code and stuff. Try the Wi-Fi. Yeah. You've got to try the Wi-Fi. It's simply to tell. Yeah. Have you ever been in a restaurant where someone from another table told you what to order?

No. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Where somebody's like, oh, like oh yeah oh we just had the gnocchi actually that happened to me the other night and uh yeah this guy was really selling like pork or something it's the other white meat try it um graham what's going on with you? I, speaking of all this fairy talk, I went to Victoria. Oh, that's all we're talking about. I know, right?

And I didn't go on the ferry. I went via the plane. Harbor to harbor flight thing because. Wow, never done that. Because someone was paying for it? Well, Charlie Demers, his brother's boyfriend works at the company. Wait, wait, wait. Brother's boyfriend?

Yeah, Davis. I'm not familiar. You must mean girlfriend. No, no, no. It's 2015, Dave. Up is down, black is white. How can that be? Well, it just is.

It just is. Some things are. All right. Why aren't you using that sound effect all the time? Oh, the... Yeah. Well, it's owned by the Cheetos Corporation. So I got to pay them.

So we got buddy passes. Is that what gay people call it? I don't want to participate in this line of joking. It's a fun line. I'm being fun. I think people know that. So you got to do it for free? Well, no, you pay like a little fee

and then you have to fly standby. Okay. So you have to just kind of show up and then whatever flight has seats on it, you get to go on. That's the dream. So, yes, very much the dream. By going there.

A wet dream. Well, yeah. Because it is in the ocean. Yeah, it goes on water. Absolutely. Takes off from water, lands on water. Oh my god. How did we not, when he said living on the boat was

living the dream, how did we not come up with wet dream? We got Steve here to do it. Got a lot of time to work on these bits. Rib roast wet dream. These are good quality bits. And so going over was, we had to wait there for a few hours, but it's like way shorter still than getting on the ferry and doing all that stuff.

And then, but coming back, it was Remembrance Day. The boat plane thing leaves right close to where the parliament buildings are, which is where they had the huge Remembrance Day kind of like, not celebration. I don't know. Yeah. I don't know how you were gathering, I guess. Ceremony. There we go. And so we watched the ceremony for a bit. Then we went down to where the office was and they were, uh, they shot off like a cannon,

like a giant cannon, uh, which we thought they were just shooting off of the one time to be like, the moment of silence is over cannon. Right. But they did it a lot more times than that. And it was, it was loud. Really? Well, the office we were in was right next to the can. Like, you look out the window and the cannon was right there.

And so. But it was weird how fast we got used to it. Does a cannonball. Yeah, a cannonball goes out. It hits whatever it hits. And yeah, if it hits a bird, then everybody gets to eat. And if it hits whatever it hits and uh just yeah if it's if it hits a bird then everybody gets to eat and if it hits a plane and then if it hits superman if it hits a child you just work it into the ceremony yeah absolutely well we're remembering him now too remember that that was

crazy but it's uh uh yeah like after after three or of them, then it just was like, okay, now it's business as usual, even though they kept firing off this cannon. Because what are you going to do? You got to live your life. Yeah, I think you would survive in a war zone. Was it like the nine o'clock cannon here in town? Yeah, but if it just kept going every two minutes i wonder why they do that because if you got a cannon all the way down there like you're gonna you're gonna want to fire it off more than just you for people not from vancouver um which is most of you yeah um

there's a cannon that goes off in town every night at not at'clock. Nine o'clock. Not nearby, but I hear it most nights. Yeah. Do you? No, I never hear it. Really? Yeah. I hear it a lot. But maybe I'm just immune to it.

It is just like a boom. Like even this far away, it's like a really loud. Who's doing it? Who's doing it? I feel like it's an old man that's barely very fragile yeah or it's his one job you do you think is that a job you can apprentice for canon he's probably gonna die any day now you could probably well this imaginary guy you invented he lives in a lighthouse as well which is kind of oh my god yeah that's your dream

lighthouse i would do a lighthouse in a heartbeat oh who, which is kind of cool. Oh, my God. Yeah. That's your dream. A lighthouse. I would do a lighthouse in a heartbeat. Oh, who wouldn't? Yeah. A lighthouse sounds great view. That's just a house with a giant light on it. And a responsibility. And a big spiral staircase.

Yes. Slide down that to Bannister. That's fun. Oh, yeah. Stripper pole down the middle, too. Yeah. That's for a lighthouse emergency. For your Kickstarter.

Flight Kickstarter, help me live in a lighthouse. I wonder if there is a fireman's pole, like a company that installs those in houses. Because that would be cool to have. Well, there's definitely. They'll do stripper poles, but they might break your stove. This is what I've learned from going on the internet. I know a lot of playgrounds when I was a kid had a fireman's pole thing. Yeah.

And why were the firemen always playing on it? It was for kids. It was clearly for kids. I know, but they're so buff. That's true. How much time are they really saving with that? Huh? You'd think if you're upstairs playing cards with your fireman buddies.

Which is what we picture them doing. Well, one of them is making firehouse chili. That's right. One of them is greasing themselves up for a calendar. One of them is greasing down their Dalmatian. That's gotta be dangerous for firemen to be all covered in grease. What if they get called to a fire? That's not,

that's right. Yeah. Becomes a grease fire. Yeah, exactly. Or, or does it help them get into their clothes faster because they're all slicked down? I mean, that sounds disgusting to have grease under your clothes. That sounds like torture.

Look, hey, you want to be a fireman or don't you? Ironically, in Greece, the country of Greece, they oil themselves up with yogurt. They just have so much of it. Yeah, that's true. It's a fun fact. That is a fun fact. Yeah, so I got to go on the fly fly. And that was fun?

So fast. It was very fast. It's more fast than fun it's very nerve-wracking because you can see the if you're not above the clouds yeah so you can see how far you would yeah you'd be fine oh no you definitely know just you gotta tuck if you pointed your toes like even if you pointed your toes like perfectly trying to. Yeah, then your toes just fly off into your face. Oh, he choked on his toes. He angled it right.

It would be a weird case for bones. What killed this guy who fell out of a plane into the water? Well, no, they always have like on CSI, they had a, oh, this guy, you know, drowned in the desert. Oh, yeah, in a hotel room. How? Oh, he was in the tub. Yeah, bathtub.

But, yeah, no, there's people that fly like that. They do it every day. This is just part of their, yeah, they commute every day.

Tony Parsons. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he used to commute every day on the plane the news anchor I delivered pizza to him once

on a pie plate uh no when I lived in Victoria I had one of many jobs that was one and

he showed up in his underwear what yeah but like kids running around and stuff like his kids yeah you don't

make it sound any better no no but like good tipper um you don't make it sound any better. No, no. But like, good tipper? I don't remember. Probably, maybe. Yeah. All right.

I don't know. What's the point in being a good tipper if no one's going to remember? Exactly. Yeah. Try it just to a standard 50%. 50%. Well, if they're going to do a Benihana style thing with my pizza. If you pick up food, which I do all the time, where you call an order from a restaurant,

just show up, as you know, picking up you pick up food, which I do all the time, where you call an order from a restaurant, just show up as you know, picking up what picking up food is. Do you tip? And if so, how much? Because, yeah, I think Taz had a rule that he tips like one or two dollars, just like as a standard.

Thanks for the transaction. Lately, I've been kind of doing that, yeah. But like not 20% because you haven't been getting waited on. And this has been, this has taken up none of their time. Yeah. Yeah. Like they were going to make that food anyways. Yeah.

They weren't necessarily. No, they were. Just because you, they knew that somebody was going to order it. Because to me, like what the people are in the tip for is having to pretend that it's not awkward to talk to a stranger you know that's where you're earning the money yeah the waitress comes over is hiding behind the menu i'm shy this is weird is everybody talking to each other tonight i think you're better off tipping in every situation but but not if you live on a boat. Nope. That's the one time. Oh boy, that canoe? Yeah. Don't.

Guys, do you want to move on to overheard? Would love to. Yeah. Hi, I'm Brian Safi. And I'm Erin Gibson. And we host the Throwing Shade podcast. On Throwing Shade, we look at an issue important to ladies and an issue important to gay people, and then we basically make fun of it. Yeah, and just to answer your question, no, we don't have a marriage pact.

But if we don't get married by the time we're 30, we're going to do that to each other. No, that's true. Although we have each been divorced three times. The three of you enter a cave of a big red dragon and it's standing over a horde of precious golden rubies and he says, What do you do, adventures?

I'm a dragon man. I cast fire on him. It's very good. I address the red dragon and say, Us? We're the hosts of The Adventure Zone, a podcast about family playing Dungeons & Dragons. Very good synergy.

Commit to the bit. I roll to charm new listeners. It is very effective. Against all odds. Everybody, we're the Macroids. We host the Adventure Zone. It's a podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons together. It's a comedy podcast. We don't take the rules too seriously because there's a lot of them,

and we did not take the time to learn them. Maybe listen to us. We come out every other Thursday on the Maximum Fun Network. You can find us on iTunes or on MaximumFun.org. I think this promo's a critical hit. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. was a critical hit. Overheard.

Overheard's a segment in which we, the people, hear things from you, the people, and then report them back to you, the people. And we always like to start with the guest, and you said you had one locked and loaded. Right right but before we do that can we talk about those like um uh segues that don't have handles because i wasn't listening earlier because i was looking up drones oh uh there's all sorts of different ones available

now i kind of want one and they made uh what's his name uh michael strahan go on like a tricycle one that was uh pretty cool goes from zero to 25. Does it have a handle though? Yes. I like that I've seen people on the two wheel handle this segways recently, like number of times. And then the mono one where it's just one wheel as well. Yeah.

I just see people cruising around. Yeah. I've seen lots of people at airports. I feel like this Christmas is going to be just pictures of people opening those. Like, what do you get for the guy who... Hover around the Christmas tree. Yeah, who has everything. I don't know, some weird ankle-breaking device.

Or a human. Yes. Oh, my God. Get him a human. Now, Steve. Locked and loaded. Overheard. Okay.

So, the other night when I ran into you at Talent Time, Paul Anthony's Talent Time. Yep. 8 p.m. every first Thursday of every month. There you go. I did that just for him. At the Rio Theater in Vancouver. Yep. So I went to-

So 8.30, that's like half an hour before the cannon goes off. Yeah. Is it 8.30? I don't know what you said. I think it's 8. 8? Okay, sorry. Don't be late.

I just want to, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He'll be choked if I advertise it at the wrong time. The wrong time. Yeah. But he'll be chuffed if you don't. He'll be gutted. Okay.

Choked or stoked? What are you? Yeah. Tired on much music. May not contain music. Overheard. Okay. So I was walking there and I walked by a bar and there was these two guys standing outside smoking.

And one guy says, hey, man, how's it going? Like they're talking like really, they're really excited about life. They're at that age where they were independent and had money in their own place but they the world hadn't crushed them yet yeah yeah special time in a young man's life yeah and you could just see it in their eyes that they're in you know the cigarettes had just like kind of kicked in and they're starting to look like maybe like they're in their 30s but they still had the mindset of their 20s yeah baseball hat on backwards right and this uh this was like hey man how's it going good good what do you have to man i'm fucking getting skid life tattooed on my knuckles tomorrow wow yeah let people know and it was it was just that combination of like that youthful glow

of not realizing that where your life goes is just a series of your own decisions. Yeah, like, oh, I have to get a job. I got to change it to skid mark. I'm getting married. What job is that? He works at some sort of tire dealership. I'm getting married. I have to change it to skid wife

thank you happy skid wife happy that's a weird uh kid kid life could be yeah that's true when you become a parent um or when you find out that you're yeah or when you get adopted or when you get thrown in jail for staring at kids. Guys, this is all a possibility for a guy who's getting skid life tattooed on his knuckles. He could also become ski life. Or ski lift. Ski lift. Yeah.

I'm going to ski lift tattooed on my hands tomorrow. I got to get this fixed. I got a job at a mountain, I was going to say. A resort. Are you allowed to wear gloves? No. And then when you become a weightlifter, just eye lift. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. This guy's going to be fine. Yeah. Or if his name is. I almost did a spit take on your SM7B. Thanks for your restraint. Sorry. I think it's funny that, like, that became a slang term.

I don't know where I learned the term skid. Well, I do. It's from my siblings who said this is where all the skids, like, smoke outside of a high school. Do you know where skid row came from? It's from here? Yeah. It's from here. And it was on a logging path.

There was always a path for the truck to skid out if it hit a patch of water or whatever. Hit a corner too fast. And that's where the dudes who were looking for lumber work would hang out. They'd like come in, check in early, like, oh, is there any work today? And if the boss was like, nope, they would just get drunk. And so that's where skid row comes from. Amazing. And then those dudes became skids.

Oh. Where does the grease monkey come from? Were they greasing up logs? They were greasing up an ape. Wasn't there some sort of log greasing slang term as well? Possibly. Yeah. That makes sense.

But yeah, that's where skid row comes from. Yeah, because on the highways, you always see right when there's a corner to turn, there's like a little off turn out. Oh, and they would just go and get drunk and hang out. Yeah, yeah. Is there any work today? No. Yay! Yes! Oh, and they would just go and get drunk and hang out. Yeah, yeah. Is there any work today? No. Yay!

Yes! Oh, that sucks. I have to get drunk today. Oh, well. Oh, well. Make a best of a bad situation. That's where all well came from. Huh?

All well? Because then they would go get drunk in a well? Yeah. Dave, do you have an over? Mine is an overseen. Now, this is also from Victoria. How would you describe Victoria? You grew up there, Steve.

It's like it feels hippie, but not everyone is visually a hippie. But there's a lot of hippie. It's just you're a bit of a hippie um but there's a lot of hippie it's just you're you're a bit of a hippie in your blood yeah i uh i apologize when i described it last week i did mention hippie uh but the word i started with was scuzzy oh yeah okay and i'm from victoria's for the listeners so i can yeah i can i lived there for four years and when when we went this past couple of weeks ago, we went back to the university, and my overseen is something from the hippie vein. Someone had a bike lock locked to a railing about a dozen hula hoops.

Whoa. There's a photo. Oh, wow. Oh, my God god that is so victoria yeah ah it's weird to lock up hula hoops because they're very easy to cut through what with them being made of black yeah this is weird but they're useless uh i guess after you cut through them i tape them back up yeah i guess they're wrapped with that tape anyway or ribbon or whatever. The only flaw with that system is just that you

can't also lock up your devil sticks. Yeah. Or your unicycle. Yeah. Have you ever seen people doing that at night?

Like the fire dancing? Like fire chains? Yeah. I think they think it looks a lot more awesome than it does. Am I wrong? Somewhere someone got laid from that at one point and it's just the rumors spread you know yeah yeah why would i was gonna ask why would a woman because i've seen women doing yeah that's like they don't

need to get laid for her they don't need to get laid They don't need to do anything Yeah they don't They don't have to come up with some crazy skill Yeah they don't need to peacock But yeah There's a lot of that fire Fire chain thing in Edinburgh In the parks Oh yeah I bet

Like two in the morning But it's like expensive because you gotta buy like a fluid That lights on fire. There's an energy crisis. Yeah. How do they factor in? It's funny because growing up in Victoria, hacky sack was part of the culture for sure. Yeah.

That's what everyone did. Everyone I knew hacky sacked. And now it's not. You don't see that around anymore. No. I mean, if you can't do a foot stall, get out. Oh, sure. Yeah. Yeah. Was that when you would can't do a foot stall, get out. Oh, sure. Yeah.

Yeah. Was that when you would catch it on your foot? Yeah. And it would just sit there for a second and everyone would be like, oh. Yeah. Yeah. But we're going to continue, right? You're not just going to stop in the hacky sack.

No, I'm. This is mine now. I'm posing here. For a statue. One foot up. Like a karate kid. Graham, do you have an overheard? I do. I was up in the yukon uh sorry hold for applause yeah when was this on the saturday oh yeah amazing i went

to the uh to white horse ah i've never been was it snowy yeah and it just snow? Yeah, it had just snowed. Aw. Yeah. That's beautiful. Yeah. And it was, I was walking down the main street and there was a teen street fight in the middle of the main drag. What time of day? Four o'clock in the afternoon. Okay. School's let out. Yeah. I was just going to try and find a sandwich and yeah yeah it's a big big fight and uh which spilled

obviously spilled out of the school onto the main street into the starbucks and then uh and then cops were called and uh mother and her daughter were passing by and the mother just kind of said to her daughter like, that just won't fly in the Starbucks. Sure, the Tim Hortons. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Unlike a good drone. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, which will totally just bring you your coffee over. Cut your hair.

That'll fly. Drone come. I like the idea of having your hair cut while you're getting a coffee. Yeah. Except for all the hair that falls in your drink. It's very hard to drink under that poncho they put on i used to go to a barber when i was a kid that served coffee and you could just help yourself and i was probably like 10 years old just slamming them oh really yeah i tried coffee a lot when i was a kid but i i had to be like 60% milk. Yeah. Tons of sugar. 30% sugar and 10% coffee. I remember it being, because when I went to church as a youth, the after church would always be standing around in the whatever room drinking coffee.

Yeah. The coffee hour. There was nothing for kids. I think it might have been juice. Oh, we had McDonald's orange tub. Oh, orange tub. But yeah, I remember my brothers and I being like, let's get into this. Yeah, that's your first training.

That got you into drugs. Yeah. Church was a gateway to drugs. You should put that on your Stop Podcasting merch. Yeah, yeah. On our keychains. Or you should get knuckle tattoos. Let's make spy drones. Church life. Wait, that's just a thing, isn't it?

Yeah. Oh, well. We should start selling knuckle tattoos of our faces. Temporary knuckles. No, no. We should open a tattoo place. Graham and I take up tattooing. Ski lift. We should open a tattoo place. Graham and I take up tattooing. Ski lift. That's the set that you get.

You put it on your knuckles. That's pretty good. I feel like every guest should leave with a tattoo. Yeah, okay. Starting on episode 402. That's got to be a podcast that's out there where somebody talks while they're getting a tattoo. Tat Chat. Thank you.

Think Ink. These are all sorts of... Ooh, Think Ink is good. Tat Chat. Thank you. Think Ink. These are all sorts of... Ooh, Think Ink is good. Tat Chat was better. Tat Chat's the OG. Wait, what was yours? Think Ink's the future. Tat Chat.

Oh, Tat Chat is actually great. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Thanks, Steve. Rib roast over here. Tat Chat is actually... It's actually better than thinking yes i know no one asked you think ink sounds like hp's campaign tat chat is definitely way more podcast

oh ink is in tattooing oh that's pretty good actually thanks um now we also have overheard sent in from people. Ink different would be their slogan. Yeah. Ink pink, you stink riding on a horse's dink. Oh, yeah. Why not call the podcast The Horse's Ink? And people who know it know it.

The problem is people who know it. Like, we shouldn't be in charge of ever naming a podcast. One in the pink, two in the ink. Yeah, there you go. And then it's an interview show with pink. Where you get a tattoo. That's not out of the realm of possibility. She seems like a person who would have a show about talking about tattoos. Two in the pink would be a great talk show name for her, for sure.

Yeah. I mean, not really, but. Okay, I remove the for sure yeah i mean not really but okay i remove the for sure your honor can i approach the bench yeah i'm sure i've used the phrase in the pink so many times during this trial um please don't put my defendant in the stink. All right. We also have overheard sent in by Lister. Dave's doing another gross motion. Is that the dolphin? If you flip it, it's the dolphin.

I don't know. Look, I learned it as the shocker. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Welcome to stink different. Stop it. Tween cat. Stop it. it Welcome to Stink different Stop it Tweencast

Stop it Alright Now this first one Dave Sent in From Zach In New York City But this overheard

Is from a friend of Zach's Named Jordan In Texas Okay So have you ever heard of a chain of restaurants called Redneck Heaven? No. No, me neither. But I had to look it up.

It's real? Yeah. How many locations do they have? I don't know. You know what? I'll get my phone out and I'll look it up. This is an 11-year-old nephew on the phone with his 11-year-old friend. Hey, you know Redneck Heaven?

Well, me and my dad went on a special day there, and we walked in, and everyone had their boobs painted on and stuff. It was like an earthquake of sexy ladies. What? Does it mean like that time Demi Moore had her suit painted on her naked body? Yeah, because I googled Redneckneck heaven and that's what comes up. You googled earthquake of sexy ladies. Yeah.

So it's. That wouldn't fly in Vancouver. I don't know if that would go over too well. What if it was marketed as like a real hippie, you know. If it was like artisan dress paint do you do you remember you maybe never saw it but there was an mtv show called uh big tips texas okay about waitresses working at a restaurant called redneck heaven oh um and i'm just uh according to wikipedia one according to Wikipedia, one of the characters, one of the waitresses was named Tiffany, T-Y-P-H-A-N-I.

Oh my God, with a heart over the eye. Yep. Wow. Wow. That is a perfect name. Mm-hmm. That's what, if you and... If Abby and I have a second child?

Yeah, Tiffany. Tiffany with a Y and a PH and an I. Oh, boy. And maybe like a silent K. That's how you have to say, like if you're describing your name, oh, it's Tiffany with a Y and a PH and an I. All lowercase. Yeah.

This next one comes from Paul. Paul T. in Whitley Bay, England. Okay. Wilst at work. He's British, all right. Yep. The other day, I overheard a client's mother explaining their family trip to Legoland. Said, it was great.

Everything was included. Unless you wanted to get food or drink or buy something from the shops i guess the rides yeah i guess the rides entry toilets sure um yeah i mean i mean everything's included usually means food and booze yeah but i've never been to lego land but there are at a like a if you go to like the fair there's a different price for if you want to ride rides. Right. Like

or if you just want to walk around. Have you ever. You've never been to Legoland. Have you? No. You? Never. I don't believe it exists. Okay. Yeah. You think they take it down every night? Well it just sounds too good to be true. I can assure you it exists.

If there was a Construx land or Robotics land. I had Construx. You had Construx? Mm-hmm. Do you remember that? Construx? What was Construx? It was like a motor.

It had beams. Oh, maybe it had beams. Oh, yeah. Beams and like little blue pieces. Little blue cubes. And then Robotics was the motorized one, which was incredible. Constructs. Dinosaurs.

You build power. I don't really remember how the commercial went. It was incredible. But yeah, Legoland exists. I can confirm it on two continents at least. And what's so great about it? I don't know. Kids are into Lego.

Yeah, yeah. Lego's the biggest selling block in the world. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Okay. We used to host a show that every week focused on a different kind of block.

Yeah. We did... Block podcasting or something? No, no. It was just called... It was on Discovery Channel. Okay. It was just it was on discovery channel okay um it was uh it was just called lego my leg yeah we only talked about lego which was weird yeah because we promised the other kind of block yeah but every week it was just like every season it was going

to be a new block but you just got we got canceled after one season yeah yeah because we lost our sponsor because we kept saying how bad Lego was. Because you were just trying to set up the next season. Yeah. Which was about the block party. The early 2000s band. What was their name? I can give you love. I can take it

away. Okay. Alright. This last one comes from Brandy from California With an I Correct Oh, wow And a PH Yep Brandy

And a U, it's Brundy My family and I It's Fundy Were having brunch at a Golden Corral restaurant Do we all know what this is? Is it a buffet? It is a buffet. Walking up to the buffet, I spotted a chubby little boy, maybe about seven years old, alone,

coming back from the dessert section. As he passed, I looked over to see what desserts he had chosen and saw he was carrying a soft serve bowl filled with red jello cubes topped with candy corn. Also, it was June. Why is candy corn on the menu? Oh, candy corn. That's a harvest. That's a harvest candy.

The Thanksgiving candy. That's a seasonal candy. Yeah, yeah. And it's the worst of the Halloween candies. Yeah, Dave's not a fan either. I can get down with a little serving. We have so much of it. We got a bunch this year.

And there's nothing I like about it. You have one and your body dries out. They're kind of dry. Yeah. Is it Monsanto? I think it's a Monsanto It's the only candy with Monsanto on the label Yeah

But it can grow in all sorts of different climates Because they've But at least like It's 100% made of corn products Yeah that's true It's one of the only candies where it's like We're all about corn No treble

Have you Did you like Interstellar? Did you watch that? No I didn't watch it I didn't watch it either It's one of the only candies where it's like. We're all about corn. No treble. Have you, did you like Interstellar? Did you watch that? No, I didn't watch it. I didn't watch it either. I've started it. Is it on, it's on Netflix. Is it? I think so.

It's like three hours long. So I automatically, that discounts me from, I'm not interested in anybody's three hour film. I probably won't see the new Quentin Tarantino film. Really? Because it clocks in at three hours. interested in anybody's three hour film i probably won't see the new quentin tarantino film really because it clocks in at three hours i really do lose interest in just about anything after two hours well i've i've just been chipping away on it it's just been on my computer for a while just still open in quick time and i'm just like gonna come back to it for sure yeah but i'm chipping away at it yeah you could have made it two hours i guarantee. When you get to the end of the movie,

you'll be like, they could have shaved an entire hour off of this film. I'll write you a letter and tell you how I feel about it. Oh, brother. You know what? I gotta read a letter now? No, no, no. He'll write an angry letter.

He won't send it. But he'll have an idea, and he'll mail it to himself. Guys, that's the show. No, Dave. Okay, in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone call. If you want to call us, be our guest.

Be our guest. Put our service to the test. Something, something. Find your next jury, and we will do the rest. It's starting to get real. Yeah. It's starting to get real. Yeah. It's starting to get real. Call us with your overheards.

206-339-8328. It's a voicemail. Mm-hmm. And these people have already. Hi, Dave and Graham and possible guests. This is Lupin calling from Brooklyn with an overheard. I work in a butcher shop and a little girl came in with her mom recently. She was probably like five, maybe.

And right when they walked in, my girl looked up at her mom and said very loudly, this is the store where we get the juicy beef. The juicy what? Beef. Oh, yeah. Everywhere else would be, it's all dried out right but a butcher i feel like the mother or the probably the father's like hey you want some juicy beef it's just an expression they

use around the house a beef injection sort of yeah well yeah yeah you you wouldn't say that around your child no but maybe you know like in some houses you can hear everything through the vents. Yeah. So. Has anyone successfully crawled through vents? I don't know what you mean in like movies and stuff. Like in a movie?

Yeah. I don't know. I've wanted to try. Bruce Willis kind of did in Die Hard. You know, I mean, in real life. Oh, in real life.

Yeah, I've never. No, no, people do it successfully in movies all the time. Yeah. I've never had the opportunity opportunity it's kind of the main go-to plot point for a lot of scripts yeah well especially in the in the uh vent man series do you hear about the guy that took out the ad in uh variety to pitch his uh diehard sequel what yeah he took out a full-page ad in Variety,

detailing, like, if you were going to make another Die Hard movie, this is how you would make it. And it was just a guy? A screenwriter guy. Oh, okay. Yeah. And?

Did it fly? It sounded really good. But it hasn't been bought. No. Kickstarter? Yeah, it might be a Kickstarter. Maybe email it to himself. No, if you publish it in variety that's if you email it to yourself email it's dumb just to work through your own issues here's your next here's your next phone call hi dave and graham

and possible guests this is katie in oakland and and I haven't overheard. This was, I was at a movie with my parents, actually on like the 4th of July, and the preview for the Amy Winehouse documentary was on, and I heard my dad lean over and whisper to my mom, was this a real person? and whisper to my mom, was this a real person? I mean, yeah. You weren't familiar with her, though.

I watched a music documentary with my parents the last time I caught a flight with them, and it was on the plane, and we all timed watching the Phil Spector documentary where he goes to jail at the end for murder. 20 feet from murder. But then at the very end, my mom takes her headphones off and nudges me and she goes,

sometime when you're less busy, I'd like to produce a song with you. Wow. And I was like, but I think because she saw the movie and she was like... She was really into the abuse part. Yeah.

And she carries a gun with her everywhere. I'd like to kill you. No, I think she just was like, oh, this is what my son does. He produces bands. And I just watched that movie and it sure seems easy to me. Yeah, yeah. It's a lot of, we got it. Yeah.

Right? In the booth, we got it. Just like one take. That'll do. That'll do what are the best music documentaries to watch with your parents some kind of monster sure absolutely oh yeah i would watch that any day of the week i just watched the uh kurt cobain one oh yeah the montage of heck uh-huh uh it's a hard watch, man. There's some intimate stuff going on in that documentary. Would you suggest watching it? Not with your parents.

Yeah, there's a lot of Courtney Love's toplessness in it. There's a lot of bad skin in that movie. Yeah, there's a lot of close-ups of bad skin. But also, I didn't realize how good-looking Kurt Cobain was. Until Courtney Love told us. Yeah, but then I was like... He's better looking than Brad Pitt. But I could see that comparison.

You know? Yeah. Poor skin, though. Yeah, that's true. Pretty rough. He does have the jaw, the Brad Pitt jaw. Yeah. Or the chin.

Yeah. Where does the jaw end and the chin begin? I mean, that's like... This guy's chin for miles. Yeah. Who, Jay Leno? Hold on Jay Leno well he leads with it yeah guys

I read that book when I was a kid enough's enough here's your final overheard of 2015 forgot the year hi David Graham and probable guest

it's Sierra from Toronto and I haven't overseen her I don't know my friend texted me and she said that she saw a guy in her building on laundry day doing laundry with mouthwash. And when she smiled at him, he only glared and poured it in more furiously and then stormed away. Well, you make do with what you have.

Yeah. Right? Anything that makes anything fresher is good. Yeah. I've used shampoo instead of toothpaste. We all have. Right? Sometimes I use bleach instead of water.

Yeah, you'll have a cup of bleach. Yeah. I drank shampoo once, or tasted it. Yeah. Because it was Miss Piggy shampoo when I was a young boy. Oh, we all. It smelled so good. Yeah, I've, we all. It smelled so good. Yeah, I've tasted a soap because it smelled so good.

And it was from, like, maybe not the body shop, but something like that. Yeah, it was from Pepperidge Farms. It was a cookie shampoo? Yeah. It was just a cookie that you lather up? Oh, so good? It doesn't go both ways, thoughather up. Oh, so good. It doesn't go both ways, though. No.

If it tastes good, it probably smells good, though, right? Well, not necessarily. Because sometimes I go in a restaurant, I'm like, ooh, that smells like a human. But I bet you it tastes good. Right. Or it's like, oh, the restaurant smells bad because we accidentally burned a bunch of hair. But it's a new day at the Benihana. Yeah.

We accidentally put a bunch of hair in the pizza oven. Anyway, have a pizza. Now, this is the end of the episode. It's frustrating, though, because you do smell really good smelling things, and you're like... No, you want to eat. You can't fill up on it. No, that's true. Like fake dog poo it doesn't uh doesn't even smell doesn't smell or taste good yeah but it looks great it looks great

realistic well it's like a glade plug-in that like promises baking you're like oh a pie and then your brain just wants pie and and but there's no pie to be had right i found that you end up just eating all the chips in the house and yeah yeah and just feeling like kind of you eat some chips and then maybe like a thing of peaches and you're like maybe it'll mix together in my mouth be like a pie i feel like a glade plug-in they all just smell like a headache future headache yeah yeah it to me so many smells just smell like shoppers or the bay. It's like, oh, that's perfume.

That's the bay. Yeah, yeah. That's true. Yeah, if you meet a girl and you smell her and she smells like the bay. There's definitely... Take her home and run. As a teenager, I had a magazine I held on to for a long time. And it had a Calvin Klein obsession ad.

Men's fitness? Yeah, it was a Men's Fitness ad. Is it that one that was all rippled that I found beneath your... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I dunked it in the bath every day. But you know what? I read Men's Fitness, it got rippled, and I got rippled. Yeah, yeah.

Now, do you have anything in particular you would like to plug? Outside of Paul Anthony's talent time? Not really, no. I'm working on a couple records. All right. Usually when you're here, we play a song at the end. I forgot to ask. Sure, yeah, let's play a matchy song.

I'm going to go into the Warehouse studio on December 1st. My birthday. What's that? My birthday. That's actually why we booked it that day. Oh, cool. So I'd have an excuse.

That's a good excuse. To write you a birthday song. Oh, thanks. Yeah. Goes a little something. Oh, you could just sing him the regular birthday song. There's no copyright

on it anymore. It's okay. So you're recording a new album with the Mounties yeah the mounties just mounties well i'll say what i say but also this album will have a guest appearance by the wrestler the mountie he's gonna do is that a wrestler yeah did you know that no what what i went for formerly one of the quebecers formerly one of the rouge i. Formerly one of the Rougeaux. I went to my first WWE live in an arena thing recently.

Yeah. And? Life changer. I loved it. Yeah. Yeah, it was amazing. But, yeah, it was really, it's, I mean, basically. Don't start up a new topic at the end of the show.

Is this more interesting than living on a boat? Because we can go back and record over that. No, I was just going to say, I like that they freestyle. I didn't realize that. I thought it was all planned. No, improv. Yeah. Yeah.

It's like curb. It's like jazz. You know the beats you're going to get, but it's like curb. You really explore the script. Yeah, curb. Yeah, that's about it. Well, thank you very much for being our guest. Thank you for having me.

It was a treat. Episode 401. No, do we have anything we need to plug? Uh, in December, you and I are, uh,

the guests on a show called the dollop, which is happening at the Fox. It's a podcast from Los Angeles coming to Vancouver. Yeah. We will be the guests at the Fox Cabaret December 12th, I believe. Yes. Yeah. So the tickets for that are on the internet. Dot com.

And anything else? No, I think that's I think I'm in Winnipeg the week this comes out. You're at the last weekend of November, right? Yeah. I forget when this comes out. You're at the last weekend of November, right? I forget when this comes out.

Anyways, I'll be at Rumors Comedy Club in Winnipeg for a week. Really? Yeah, why not? When? The last week of November. Very cool. All right. And so if you, oh yeah, every week we do a recap of what we talked about on the show,

pictures and videos of the things we talked about. Yeah. For instance. That picture of the videos of the things we talked about. Yeah. For instance... That picture of the hula hoops chained up. Sure. Maybe some talk of living on a boat. Maybe an action movie guy that lived on a boat. I don't know who. Cobra, maybe.

I don't know. I don't know. It would be Cobra. Anyway, you know what? Go to MaximumFun.org. Marilyn Manson getting a rib removed is there an anime oh Jay Leno

I love a picture of Jay Leno Jay Leno is a denim Ubering and yeah go to maximumfun.org

for that yeah and if you like the show you can leave a review on iTunes and you can tell your friends and you can come on back

next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. I see the feeling of the moment now I'm moving your cheeks I hear the lack of intimidation whenever you speak Now, the future's in the sun It hits against the sky and makes our dreams alive All we want and all we ever could have hoped to be

Is still alive We lay together under skies as if we didn't exist I feel like teasing in the storm Cause I'm over our lips Sometimes just feels so dangerous And it's easy to just go on the class and move the harlots Some love just feels so dangerous and it's hard to resist Some love is just so much safer to let go than to miss Than to miss My food, you did well So amazing inside

Things are being so tight All we want and all we ever could Is to be is still alive. I don't know what you did for us all. It leaves us so tired. Thanks for being so kind. All we want and all we ever could hope to be Is to live

Hazy like a Tokyo summer Hazy like a Tokyo summer Hazy like a Tokyo summer I've been hanging off your everywhere Under blankets and covers My food, she said it was slow It moves against the sky Under blankets and covers Now I'm a fool Chasing it with snow It moves against the sky

It makes our dreams light All we want and all we ever could hope to be Is still alive Thank you. Like a Tokyo summer Hazy Like a Tokyo summer Hazy Like a Tokyo summer Hazy Like a Tokyo summer MaximumFun.org

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