Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 402 - D.J. Demers

Episode Date: November 30, 2015

Comedian D.J. Demers joins us to talk about what time Conan O'Brien tapes, penalty boxes, and weddings.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 402 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man that they call a Taylor Swift for a new generation, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, Tinker, Taylor, Swifter, Spy. Is that where we're going? Jonathan Taylor, Swift, Spy.

Jonathan Taylor, Toilet Soldier, Spy. Yep. Keep going. Yeah, why does a new generation need a Taylor Swift? Well, because this generation already has a Taylor Swift. Okay, so we need one for babies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a baby Taylor Swift.

Yeah, you're the Taylor Swift of the baby set. I haven't, like, my songs don't go to number one. Not yet. They're babies. They don't go to number one. Not yet. They're babies. They don't buy music. No, that's true. Well, neither does this generation. No, that's true.

And our guest today, a very funny comedian in town from Toronto, Mr. DJ Demers is our guest. Hello. Thank you for having me. It is Demers plural, right? Yes. Yes. All right. Yeah.

Because for the longest time, it was Charlie Demers was the only Demers in Canadian comedy. I know. I came in and blew up the spot. Yeah, yeah. It was... But he still, you know, I still bow down to Charlie. Like, I got a lot to do before I'm the preeminent Demers. But that's my goal.

Like, I'm not trying to be the best comedian I can be. I'm trying to be the best comedian i can be i'm trying to be the best with that last name yeah i uh for i think for a brief moment i was the only graham doing comedy in canada and then i think graham chittenden maybe he started another time and i just didn't know right and uh you're going first name here like that's yeah i'm going first and clark i mean you know anybody can have that although is there a comedian with the last name clark well there was when graham was like uh what do you think about dj demers for the show i for a split second i was like see the guy who does porn oh yeah wait there's a guy named uh dj roy or wah uh and he's and he is a part time comedian and also

a porn performer so you've also got that I'm trying to take over Charlie Demers in the comedy realm and DJ Roy in the porn realm two adversaries now should we get to know us? yeah

get to know us is this. Get to know us. So is this your first time to Vancouver? It's my second time, but the first time I was here was like five years ago, and I was working for a charity at the time and putting on this event. I barely saw the city, so this is my first time that I'm actually able to kind of explore and do comedy as well. You came and you picked a beautiful time of year to come. Oh, yeah. This is not typical.

It's El Nino. Yeah, it's like. Is it? Oh, because I love when things like cities or people completely conform to the stereotype you had. Oh, it can't possibly rain as much as I think it's going to. I don't know. And for some reason I wore like these leather boots

and a suede jacket. I'm like, yeah, this is a proper. I mean, first of all, why do I even own a suede jacket? Second of all, why do I wear a suede jacket i'm like yeah this is a property i mean first of all why do i even own a suede jacket second of all why all this fringe coming off neil young i worship at the altar of neil young um the uh uh yeah this this week really was like uh just like nonstop rain and... Cold. Cold. Sticks to you. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I had to wear a sweater. I thought about putting on long underwear, but then... No, come on. Nah, I canceled out on that. But when I first lived here, I was long underwear every day. It was the grunge era. That's true. I just, yeah. You were wearing it with ripped jeans.

I moved here in the early 90s. As an 11-year-old. I just, yeah. You were wearing it with ripped jeans. I moved here in the early 90s. As an 11-year-old. I moved out of my parents' house. I'm moving to Seattle. I don't think you're allowed to. Well, Vancouver. You don't have a passport. That's the one thing Cobain was known for.

You guys know Kurt Cobain? Oh, the long underwear guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he was Calvin Klein's long underwear model. That would have been great. Instead of Marky Mark. Yeah. Just Kurt Cobain with no shirt on and the longest johns.

Well, I was telling you, I think I was telling you, the guy that owns Hot Art Wet City has this huge collection of vintage. Playboys? Playboys. And so flipping through them and looking at the old ads, in the 90s era, there was a lot of companies that were trying to do like a grunge-esque kind of thing. But like with guys that you're like,

they don't listen to grunge. These guys are C&C Music Factory fans. Even like all the fashion runways and everything were starting to co-opt a kind of plan. I'll share. That was part of the reason Mark Jacobs Yeah, Mark Jacobs I'm not going to say that's why he killed himself

But there's definitely some blood on Mark Jacobs' hands for sure I've always said that Whenever anybody brings up Mark Jacobs I'm like, he's got blood on his hands So the last time you were here You were working with a charity yeah i used to work for a charity back in the day i was a motivational speaker yeah what yeah yeah wow i hated it yeah i really really hated it i was in the middle of a tour like i traveled around i went

to like china ecuador uh all around north america and i was supposed to go to hawaii in like three weeks and i just hated it so much i was like I'm out of here thanks guys really yeah they sucked so like you like take us through what would what would uh because I've never been I've never been to a motivational speaking thing probably tell that we're not the most motivated people well allow me to inspire you guys yes well basically maybe motivational speaker is not the correct word. Better word, I don't know the word to really kind of sum it up, but I got young children to give me their parents money under the guise of building schools in faraway places. Okay.

Basically. Kind of a pyramid scheme? Well, not really. Well. I mean, wait, were you building pyramids in these faraway places? They weren't really practical, but they looked beautiful. No, so basically it was me and I had a speaking partner, and we went around to different elementary schools,

and some high schools speaking to kids as young as five up to like 16, and told them how they can change the world and donate money to help build schools and you know wells and all these sorts of infrastructure things to help people in places like China and Ecuador and Kenya lead a better life so basically we do an hour speech I do like we both talk at the same time but we do a half hour each all told and then in in that speech they also wanted us to each tell our own inspirational story. So my partner talked about how she was Indian and just about the hardships her family went through and the great life she had in Canada. And she kind of used that as her backdrop.

And then I talked about my hearing aids. But I was like a year into stand-up at the time. But then I needed to get a job and I got this I'm like oh sweet public speaking I get to travel perfect yeah but then like talking about my hearing aids in that way and being like listen guys I wear hearing aids and if I was able to overcome this incredible obstacle then you guys can do anything you want meanwhile my head I'm like it's not that big of an obstacle you know and I'm like looking at like maybe a kid in the front row who's in a wheelchair and like can barely move or talk. And I'm like, I'm supposed to be the one.

Like I'm saying, oh, I have this crazy obstacle. I can just tell this kid in the front row is like, screw you. So I didn't like it. And it was a fun experience. But I got out of there pretty quick. Yeah, I've never like I guess maybe when I was in elementary school. Yeah, there's a lot of just like, it's an assembly. We're going to get excited about it.

Yeah, and then somebody, but I don't, I can't remember any of them. Except there was maybe somebody who went to my junior high who was also an astronaut. At the same time as you? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man. And my parents ragged on me constantly. Why can't you be more like Commander Andrew?

But he was, I remember distinctly him being so boring. Right. Just like the fact that he had been to the moon. It's all in the telling right yeah so like you could do the most amazing thing in the world if you don't know how to tell i don't remember any of them like like because we had so many you know a couple times a month we'd all go to the auditorium or whatever and watch a thing i don't remember what any of it was and you know what you never realized when you were a kid i don't remember any of them either either, but I never thought about the fact that like, oh, this person, this is their job. Like they're going around school to school.

Yeah, totally. I never, do you ever have to watch like a play, not a play, but like a series of sketches about teen pregnancy? No, I don't think so. But like, we definitely had to sit through something like that when i was in grade nine i went around to a bunch of schools and talked to grade eights about the dangers of smoking really yeah it was this little thing i don't know how i got signed up for it but and it was like me and like five kids like five other grade nines i think it was grade 10 too and like of the, like the six of us, I think three of them smoked.

Well, it's super cool. If I can just reach one kid of those three. I do remember, I don't think, I think it was just like this great treat, this wonderful puppet show company's coming to the school, elementary school.

Yeah. And they'd put on a show, and it was like an hour long, and for one part, there was like an explosion, like just a flash. Yeah. And smoke. And afterwards, they asked questions, and it was an hour-long performance.

All of the questions were about that. The explosion. Yeah, it was like, what was that? It was gunpowder do it again no i just brought enough for how where do we get a hold of that oh it's something for only for grown-ups i used to get so frustrated when i was given my speech because i'd say a bunch of stuff and you have to keep it pretty simple for younger kids and uh but we're talking about pretty heavy stuff like poverty and hunger and all that and there was one point in my speech

because i tried to inject it with humor and levity. And I showed a picture of a gorilla for some reason. I can't remember why. I think I can't even remember why a gorilla came up. Or was it one of those funny things where you're doing slides and you're like, oh, wow, that would get in there. Yeah, I think it was like I was talking about how I need to shave or something or else I look like this or something. I don't know. But then, yeah, after the speech, all the kids were just like, can we see the gorilla again?

I'm telling you, millions of kids are dying every day. I thought it was going to be like fun hearing aid questions. Are your other senses heightened? Oh, yeah. Can you smell this? I got those all the time, yeah. Yeah, I've never been asked to do anything motivational. Although I do know a guy who-

Although you do look like a gorilla. That's true. Because you haven't shaved. But I know a guy who did that, who went from school to school. But I know a guy who did that, who went from school to school, and he told a story about how he was really small in school. He got picked on a lot because he didn't have a growth spurt until the last year of school or whatever. And that's how he made his living, his full-time living, going around like- Pretending to be a child? Yeah.

Pretending to be young? to be a child. Yeah. And to be young. Can you imagine the, like, huge debacle it would become if somebody rooted

through his history and found out he was tall his whole life growing up? Yeah, they went back through the photos and were like,

oh, you were never short. What a scandal. Actually, I do remember in grade 11 or 12, our improv team was hired by the insurance company company okay to go to a few elementary schools and do uh do like improv for kids based on around halloween safety

nice that's pretty good yeah that's a gig. Yeah, you learn where the laughs are. In your butt. It's crazy. Just this past Halloween, I read some more stories about how kids were finding razor blades and stuff in their candy. Every year. How does this happen? Who's doing this? I honestly... I don't think anybody's doing it.

I think somebody every year just puts a razor blade in a candy, says that they went out-or-treating gets a little attention in the press and then it's then they become a motivational speaker yeah how i overcame getting a razor blade in my march bar i didn't need it that's how i i saw that it was uh the package had been tampered with yeah Yeah, I feel like we definitely got a lot of safety presentations when I was a kid. There was a police bear or no bear. Simon, the safety bear dog. Squirrel. Simon, the safety squirrel.

Yeah, it's got the S's. Alliteration, yeah. So when did you start stand-up? It was like 2010, I think. Okay. Yeah, it was 2010. And you haven't looked back since. Pardon me?

And you haven't looked back since. No, no. I remember like, because like I said, I was like a year into stand-up when I got the job. And I was like, oh, this will be perfect. It combines my love of speaking and changing the world i don't know i needed a job and uh and then um i'm sorry i just got distracted you got your canadian comedy award right out there oh yeah oh two of them oh nice okay we have a third one in case i forgot for a moment yeah yeah well just just we wanted to know where you are on the totem pole.

Yeah, no, so I did it for like eight months. And then I, because another thing was like, I was telling these kids like, you can change the world. But in my head, I was like, no, you can't. Yeah, I was already disenchanted. And I think they could sense that coming off of me. I felt that a lot too. Like mostly through, we were told to change the world through recycling.

Oh yeah. And song. But the concept of like, I don't know the world. What's, how do I, I'm taking your word for it that it needs changing. Yeah,

that's true. And like, I don't, I don't know why. Yeah, that's true. And like, I don't know why. Yeah, but there's got to be some kid somewhere that ends up changing the world, right? No, the world is the same. Yeah, that's true. Maybe a little worse.

Yeah. Thanks a lot, kid. You can change the world by making it worse. Well, even the, you know, I don't want to give too much away about what this charity is, but the charity was started by a guy who started it when he was a kid. It's a very famous Canadian charity. Okay. I don't know any, the only kid charity I know is Simon the Safety Squirrel.

Well, this guy's the number two kid charity behind Simon the Safety Squirrel. So, if you're Googling it. Yeah, no, he started it when he was like 12 or 13 and went over to, I think it was India, or maybe it was Pakistan, but his parents let him go there on his own. He ended up getting a meeting with Jean Chrétien when he was over there.

And he made headlines and came back and he started this charity. But he still runs it, and they run these big events throughout Canada. If you know this charity, you know exactly what I'm talking about. And these are huge events. But they're like Hitler Youth Rallies, all 30,000 kids chanting slogans. Oh, wow.

No, see, honestly, even though somebody, I guess, who would know charities would know by now. Oh, for sure. Oh, yeah. I don would know charities would know by now. Oh, for sure. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. The charity crew. But, like. And he's like the Michael Jackson of philanthropy where, like, he's still like a little boy. He's, like, stunted in his development.

Oh, like he sleeps in a bunk bed or something? Yeah, I don't know. He doesn't eat any sugar. He doesn't drink. He doesn't. He's like, nobody knows anything about his orientation. He's like an enigma. Oh, wow. Yeah. Shows up on a Segway everywhere. Yeah. What's up, guys? drink he doesn't he's like nobody knows anything about his orientation he's like an enigma oh wow

yeah shows up on a segway everywhere yeah what's up guys i'm just a kid like you i don't need sugar because i'm a kid yeah and his older brother runs a charity and he's kind of like evil puppeteer in the background oh wow this is intrigue i mean some people probably disagree with my assessment and they say no this is a great charity yeah all charities are probably pretty good but uh the idea that somebody's parents would let them go to pakistan when they were a kid by themselves is pretty wait was it by himself i think he was by himself, yeah. That's crazy. I mean, I got to research this, but I'm going to say I'm 90% sure they let him go.

Oh, yeah, he had some guide with him, a guy who lived over there, and I think it was Pakistan. I'm almost positive. Are you thinking of Tintin? That's right. He went on all sorts of crazy adventures. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He had a guide. Yeah, no. I had a guide. Yeah. I think the fact that I can't remember if it was India or Pakistan, I mean, I think that makes me seem like something, because those countries aren't that similar at all. No, but, you know, it's neighbors. They're neighborly. I think it might have been, I think, well, I guess they are pretty similar.

I think it was India, and I'm going with that. But his mom came in for his, he had his are pretty similar. I think it was India, and I'm going with that. But his mom came in first. He had his 30th birthday while I was there. And his parents were always involved too, and they owned a lot of property under the guise of the charity. Oh, wow. But his mom comes in, and I haven't said any names, so I don't feel bad about telling this.

She comes in, it's his 30th birthday. There's like a hundred of us all in like the big staff room celebrating our cult leader's birthday. And she gives a little speech and says, I still remember after my son was born. He was such a big baby. I had to have vaginal rejuvenation surgery right after i gave birth to right now and it's all like 20 year old kid just like working for this organization we're all looking at each other like that's the strangest birthday speech i've ever heard from a mother from my boss's mother like fun information to get from your boss's mother. Oh, man.

Oh, wow. Yeah. Just a weird tirade against a charitable organization. I didn't intend to come down so hard on... No, but you know what? We had fun while you did.

Yeah. And then recently you were on the conan i was yeah i did my five minute anti-charity spiel on the conan don't get nobody will change the world um yeah that was almost a year ago now actually december 1st last year and was that uh because they uh and i always forget this like every time i watch a late night show uh that they're taped like in the afternoon right yeah so is it weird like 3 30 oh god yeah just like uh still kind of like you feel like maybe you could use a nap at that time yeah no it's a bit weird but it's also what was that well i mean it's a good thing they don't have a window.

Like, they always have a fake window behind the desk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's no, like, sunlight streaming in. But you must have to show up at, like, noon or something. Yeah, I think I got there at noon or, like, 1230 and then just hung out in the green room for a few hours. My mom was with me. I brought her down.

So I hung out with my mom for a bit. She went on stage, talked about her vaginal reconstruction yeah no i had to kick her out of the green room at one point because she was like more nervous than me and she was like oh look i could feel her energy i'm like go watch the show because you're just gonna stay there the whole time right get out of here yeah go enjoy the show so take this this Conan mouse pad with you. Did you get anything like that? A Conan mouse pad or some sort of... I got my name tag that was on the door. Well, my mom wanted it.

Ah, mom. Yeah. So sweet. It's so hard to feel like a big shot when you're on a show like that, when your mom's with you. It's like, yeah, I've been here, done it before. By the way, this is my mother. I'm very excited.

Yeah. She's emptying all the hard candies into her purse. But then, yeah, like, are you kind of done by like 4.30 in the afternoon? Yeah, yeah. This is the kind of question you're asking about being on Kona? Yeah, because this is what fascinates me. What kind of snacks were there? But I'm also curious, what kind of snacks were there? Everything.

Really? Oh, man, I had a hard time not eating too much before I went out there. You want to talk about a smorgasbord of snacks? You got the healthy stuff. You got fruit. Really? Well, you got chocolate. I mean, they spared no expense.

And you were out of there by 4.30? But, like, you've just done, you know, like, your first, this was your first, like, American TV spot. And then you're like, let's go celebrate. And then you open the door and it's still, like, it's still sunny out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, what do you do? You couldn't even, like, most bars are like, oh, we don't open till five.

Yeah, no, me and my mom hit the Rippers pretty hard after that. Your mom sounds cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A real kind of Lindsay Lohan relationship. Oh, yeah. That must be embarrassing. Is that your name? Yeah.

I hate when I know things I shouldn't know. I'm like, why do I know Lindsay Lohan's mom's name? Oh, yeah. Dina. Good. Dina. Good old Dina. Yeah, I know all the, you know, Kardashians and their partners, but I've seen that show once here with you. Yeah, I've never seen it either.

No, like, I never even went to TV. No, we saw it on the plane one time. That's right. That's what it was. And they were taking New York. That's right. But I never it was. And they were taking New York. That's right. But I never. Two of them were.

Yeah. But that's how ubiquitous they are. You don't need to watch to know all of them. Yeah. I know all of them too. Yeah. And kind of you know what's going on with them. Like just from going to the grocery store.

Yeah. You know what's up just from all the magazine covers. Well, the weird stuff is when someone is a big enough star and you haven't heard of them. Like, they're on the covers of magazines and you're like, I never watched Teen Mom. Oh, yeah. That's happening to me as I get older.

Like, that's how I feel age creeping in, where I just don't know things now. Like, before I used to not know, like, who they were or care, but I at least did know who they were. You know what I mean? Right. Like you said, I literally have no clue who it is. I'm like, well, this I at least did know who they were. You know what I mean? Right. Like you said, I literally have no clue who it is.

Well, this person's on the cover of a magazine. I assume they're pretty famous, but I have no idea. And also, do not care. Yeah. There's a threshold that you go past where you're like, no, I got to keep tabs on this stuff.

And then you just are like, forget it. But it's also like, how is this magazine more hip than me? They're a magazine. I read the internet. Yeah. But like,

there's a, there's a whole new generation of like actors and actresses that have been on the entire runs of TV shows. I have never seen her. Well, like Nickelodeon TV shows and that kind of thing. Yeah. And also like, you know, there's probably half a dozen vampire-themed shows that I've never seen an episode of, but, like, all the stars on it.

And any, like, of anyone who's famous through the Hunger Games or... Yeah. Yeah. Well, there was... I can't remember what movie came out. I can already tell this is going to be a horrible anecdote. Here we go. Yeah.

Well, there was, I can't remember what movie came out. I can already tell this is going to be a horrible anecdote. Here we go. A movie came out like a year ago or something and had big name stars that I know in it. And I can't remember who they are now, but let's say it's like Jeff Bridges, like that kind of level. Yeah. It might have been Jeff Bridges. Yeah, okay. I think it might have even, it wasn't Meryl, but it was like a older woman who's like a big star.

But then the two main names they had, because they had them kind of in the background of this poster then the two main names they had were two younger a guy and a girl who i had no clue yeah i'm like oh like jeff bridges is taking a backseat to yeah this guy i don't know was it a parent trap i don't remember what i can't remember what it was. But it's true. There's like I remember when they announced like the cast of Fantastic Four, the reboot. And I was like, I don't recognize any of

those names. Oh, you do recognize. Now I do. Because of the drum movie. He was the lead guy. Well, and What's-Her-Face was in the... See, this is what I'm saying. I don't recognize any of the names. What's-Her-Name was in the House of Cards. I know, but I don't know her name.

Kate Mara. There we go. Mara. Oh, yeah, she's great. Yeah. And then the other guy is in Creed now, playing Apollo Creed's... Brandon Jordan?

Something Jordan, right? Yes. Michael B. Jordan? Michael B. Jordan. He was also in that movie I really wanted to see now playing Apollo Creed Brandon Jordan Brandon something Jordan right yes Michael B. Jordan Michael B. Jordan he was also in that movie I really wanted to see about the shooting where the cop just

killed the guy on the it was either the San Fran transit system or the LA transit system oh yeah a few years ago and it just shows his day

up to that point I can't remember sometimes movies I want to see but I know they're going to make me sad I have a hard time getting around it oh yeah yeah and then you end up just watching it up to that point. I can't remember. Sometimes movies I want to see, but I know they're going to make me sad. I have a hard time getting around it. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, and then you end up just watching three episodes of 30 Rock and going to bed. Yeah, the world's perfect. There was this thing that was, the CBC did it this year, and I forget what it was called, but it was going to be 24 hours in the life of the Canadian healthcare system. Oh, yeah.

And they went to hospitals and they like, it was a huge undertaking and a huge, uh, uh, crew. And, uh, I just turn it off because the first two stories were like,

Oh, these are the saddest things. It was like old men with Alzheimer's, uh, and a baby born with a hole in her heart. I was like, well, nope,

nope. Can't do it. Yep. Yep. Yep. Not everyone nope. Nope, can't do it. Nope, nope, nope. Not everyone's going to make it through this show. And I'm the first to go, actually. Yeah, they should have that as a category when you're going through Netflix, that it's just sad movies.

Not dramas, but just sad. You won't feel good after watching it. Yeah, because sometimes you really do want a sad movie, but not all the time that you go on a drama do you feel like a sad movie. You know what I mean? I love documentaries, but I never click on them on Netflix because I'm just like, I'm going to have to learn. And it's going to change my worldview.

It's just so much. Yeah. You used to be concerned with changing the world. Now it's your world view and you can't even be bothered to do that. Yeah. No, I just got these blinders on and I'm just plowing full steam ahead and that's the way I like it. Yeah. Fair enough.

Dave, what's going on with you, man? Here's what's going on with you, man? Here's what's going on with me. I don't know if you guys have seen this, but there's a commercial. You don't have cable, so you probably have it. No. Well, I watch television once a week over at Alicia Tobin's house. Oh, okay. There's a commercial for toilet paper. The brand is Cottonelle.

Okay. And it's hidden cameras In a women's room Which What? Gross But it's like women fixing their makeup And then the bathroom stall starts talking to them

Oh I have seen this And it's like what technique do you use To get toilet paper Do you use the conveyor belt They don't go into any detail. There's like four choices, but they only mention the conveyor belt. And then what do you do with it? Explain it, real slow.

Well, it's nice to see a commercial past the Bechtel test. Bechtel? Bechtel? Well, they are talking about boys. Why do you wipe for boys? Yeah, no, it's like I watched it.

I've seen it a few times and it only clicked to me like they're just talking to a voice in a bathroom stall about how they use toilet paper. But it only just clicked to me that, oh, there are hidden cameras in this bathroom. And they tried to make it look that way, like these are real people, not actors. Yeah, and then at the end of the commercial, the door opens, and they're like, well, come on in.

Come on in and use the toilet. Ignore the camera in the toilet. That's just, there's another weird one where it's like Dove where the women are in like a makeup store and they're like, hey, come check out

this new makeup product we got and it just ends up being a shower in the back of the, and I'm like, what woman is like, oh, it's a shower? Yeah, sure,

I'll take a shower. Oh, cool, there's cameras here? Cool, yeah. Yeah, the real person in the weird setup ad is everywhere. And I can't stand it. It's brutal.

Like, what would you do if I, you know, put, there's one where it's like, put this car and driver award next to the car that won it. And I'm like, well, why? Who signed up to do this? This isn't fun for anybody. Who follows the car and driver awards? What am I, JP Power and Associates? J.D. Power, damn it. God damn it.

So funny otherwise. And there's the one, like the movie theater one where like, and it turns out your tickets are free. Oh, yeah. And the people have to be like, well, you know, $12. I'm not going to be in a commercial. Yeah. Like you have to be like well you know twelve dollars I'm not going to be in a commercial yeah like you have to

pay me more yeah and you know that they were like we're going to have to you're going to have to act more excited yeah

about this I love that when somebody calls into a radio station and they win and you can tell they didn't give the amount of excitement

the host was hoping you just won two tickets to this crappy concert well yeah yay the fox rocks well I'll see if I can get a babysitter of excitement the host was hoping. You just won two tickets to this crappy concert. Tomorrow, yeah. Yay. The Fox Talks. Well,

I'll see if I can get a babysitter. Yeah. Oh, that's tomorrow. Tell our listeners who hooked you up with the best pass.

D-103-105-5. JP Power and Associates in the morning. JD Power in the morning. Yeah, that's not bad. Telling you what the best fridges are. And the other thing that's going on with me is a week or two ago, I went to a hockey game, a professional hockey game. Yeah.

Vancouver Canucks against the Pittsburgh Penguins. Go team. And I went with past guest Pat Kelly. And we, he pointed something out to me that I've never thought about in my life. At a hockey game. There's cameras

in these toilets. The women are like, there's no light up in the ladies room. Well, here's why. No, it was the penalty box. And just how weird it is that you do something bad and you have to go sit in a prison for two minutes. Yeah. No other sport does that.

No. Like, if you can, like, there's no reason you can't just be sent back to your bench and not allowed to play for two minutes. The fact that they have a special room for you to sit in by yourself. Yeah. And I love that if two infractions at the same time, like if you and another guy fight, they put you side by side. Yeah. We assume that you've settled your beef and you'll be civil over here side by side. You can yell at each other, but there's

some plexiglass between you. Yeah, and two awkward scorekeepers just trying to not get hit. Two guys in blazers with crests on them. It does sound very much like a futuristic game. Like, if you do this, then you have to go in the glass box.

And there's piranhas. Exactly. But, yeah, it is true. There's no other, because every other game you just get sent back to the bench. Or sent home for the day. Yeah. Sent home for the day. They move the ball five yards or whatever.

Yeah. Have you guys seen Zero Dark Thirty? Yeah. I always remember this one. No, I'm not going to. It's one of the few movies where I was like, I'm ready for a movie

that's going to make me feel bad now. Let's do it. Yeah. And so I watched it. Because he really loved Osama Bin Laden. I hope this guy makes it to the end.

But yeah, they're torturing the guy right at the beginning of the movie and the guy goes, the torturer goes, you see that box? It sucks. And I'm going to put you in it.

And I just think that'd be, if I was a ref, that's probably what I'd say to hockey players right before. That sucks. I'm going to put you in there. Is this guy quoting Zero Deck 30 in the middle of a professional hockey game? That's right. That's right.

That's why I became a ref. Player for the dramatic. My first job was I was a hockey referee for minor hockey oh yeah really and i think i mainly only i was born in december so i had to be 13 and so i like i started the season late i think i only ended up doing like four or five games and i don't think i called a single penalty mostly because like there were six year old kids yeah do they have penalty boxes even at that level? Yeah. Oh, wow. They don't just install them.

I remember when I was a kid, we had a ref named the Weasel. I don't remember his real name. He looked like a weasel. He was a weasel. And I remember, like, I didn't have much vitriol in me as a kid, but all of it was directed at the weasel. Like, this guy was the worst. And I remember we were, like, 10, and we'd be like,

oh, the weasel lives in his mom's basement. And I was, like, 10. I didn't even know why that was something to make fun of somebody. You're like, we all do. Yeah. I'd love to move to the basement. His mom drove him to the game. I don't know why.

We had some sort of information on him that we thought was incriminating. But I'm sure he was a nice man. Yeah. But yeah, he used to. He's not getting rich off of reffing minor hockey games. His mom still has to drive him. Unlike these other refs who are zillionaires. Oh, yeah, pillars of society. I remember that as kids, though.

If you hated a teacher or something like that, you would make up, or somebody would make up, like, I have a good authority that sleeps in a tent. Or, yeah, seeing your teacher at the mall oh yeah seeing a teacher out of class was like wild that's as wild as it gets or finding out your teacher's first name that's like five minutes of fun before the teacher puts it into it all right everyone back to work i had a teacher for three straight semesters she was my religion teacher i went to a catholic high school and uh she we became very religion teacher. I went to a Catholic high school. And we became very close.

I was a bit of a, I'm not going to say brown noser, but I paid attention in school. I was one of the good ones, I'd say. All right. And, you know, not perfect by any means, but we had a good relationship. And then by the third semester, we were really close. And I remember one day we were having sex. Where's this going? And one day I was in sex Where's this going?

One day I was in the computer area of our school the computer lounge, I don't know what it's called and she was walking through and she looked really emotional and I was like, Mrs. So-and-so, what's going on? And she's like, my son, who is around my age but in high school at a different school she's like, my son just told me he doesn't want to go to post-secondary he's just going to quit, he's going to move out west and she broke down crying on my shoulder and I was like I was like 17 or something I'm like oh like hugging her and it was like a real moment and then

the next day in class she saw me and she thanked me for being there and she apologized for getting so emotional I'm like no problem anyway I graduate like a year after high school I run into her in a like a convenience store like a shopper's drug mart or something. And I'm like, Mrs. So-and-so, how's it going? And she's like, who? Oh, no. I'm like, you don't remember. It wasn't even like 10 years before.

It was a year ago. You cried on my shoulder for God's sake. That hit home on me. Imagine, that would hurt. Yeah, I was like like i thought we had something here you were like one of my favorites i thought yeah that was wow harsh lesson early in my life yeah i have a teacher taught you a lesson yes yeah the uh man i remember maybe I was in grade five, and my friend and I saw our teacher getting picked up by her, like, boyfriend, I guess. And that just blew our minds.

Oh, yeah. Like, it blew our minds. Because, like, she, like, kissed him, and we were like, what? I thought she was in love with me. I had a beautiful grade two French teacher. And when it was parent-teacher interviews, my dad came and was sitting there, me and my dad. And my dad used me as a pawn in his scheme. He's like, oh, yeah, DJ always talks about how beautiful you are.

And I'd never said anything. My dad used me to hit on the teacher, you know? Come on, man. know I gotta see her tomorrow you're blowing up my spot or your parents together yeah they were not for long you know after DJ was born I had to have penile surgery But like what Seven year old is talking Oh she's so beautiful Yeah exactly

She saw right through it I like to believe Oh man What's going on with you Graham This weekend I was a guest At a wedding Like I was somebody's a date um yeah so i didn't know the people getting married and i feel like it it's the second best thing to like being really

close to the person who's getting married yeah like it's nice to be like seeing a friend get married and it's also nice to see a complete stranger get married. But it's kind of not great to see like a cousin that you kind of don't know get married. 100%. Do you know what I mean? Like that in between, like, because then you've got to kind of, you kind of force conversation with a lot of relatives that maybe you never talked to. This was just like, hey, I'm just meeting everybody. And yeah, it was a lot of fun. And I wore a really nice suit.

And I showed up. It was at the Arbutus Club. Oh. Is that where you tennis? That's where I tennis. So I showed up. I showed up at the front desk, right? And I said, I'm here for the...

I knew the name of the wedding. And then the lady said, oh, what's your name? And I said, oh, it's Graham. She said, oh, you're not on the list. And I told her my date's name. And she was on the list. So that's where you go, okay, well, it's upstairs. Nope.

You had to call your date to come down? Yeah, made me sit in the lobby. And she welcomed in other guests? Uh-huh. Oh, man, I was just sitting there stewing. Yeah, like, what do you think I'm doing? Just like a wedding crasher here? Yeah, that I browsed the announcement section of the paper and said, like, oh, okay, well.

I circled these dates six months ago also who puts wedding announcements i don't know it's the only thing i could concoct in my head maybe that happens i don't i don't i don't know maybe but what in the in the craziest like worst case scenario what would you know you know, what would I do? I would show up and people, somebody at the thing would go, who are you with? And I'd be like, ah, and then I just have to leave. Right. I guess.

I'll tell you after I eat this food. Let me get back to you on that. Was it assigned seating? Nope. Oh, well, there it is. You can just blend in. Well, no, I mean like, oh yeah, yeah, no, it was, like, at the dinner thing? Yeah.

Yes, that was assigned seating. Oh. Was it a good wedding? Yeah. I mean, it was short. The ceremony was real quick. Yeah. And real quick, real, like, kind of, do you, do you?

All right, let's sign this thing and get on with it. I love it. Yeah. I got beef with a lot of common elements of wedding. First of all, I hate how if you're in the wedding party, you got to sit away from your date up at a different table. Oh, yeah, yeah. I don't like that.

That's weird. That's a punishment for being close friends with the, it's like, oh, thank you so much for being one of my best friends during my party, and now you won't get to sit. I'm yeah that your girlfriend couldn't uh become a friend of my wife but yeah that's just how it works i guess and i hate when there's a huge gap between the ceremony and the reception yeah and you're like in a new city or something like so what am i supposed to do for the next three hours yeah you know yeah Yeah. In my suit and fancy dress. Well, here's a list of skate parks.

You can take cool photos in a suit doing an ollie. Would that rent me a skateboard? What else can you do that looks cool in a suit? Oh, eat an ice cream cone? Yeah. Here's the list of ice cream parlors and diners. That's true. You can pretend to be a reservoir dog or a JP Power and associate.

Yeah, I guess, yeah, you're right. You make your own fun. Usually on the couple's website, they'll be like, this is going to be our hashtag. This is going to be, here's some stuff to do between the wedding and the reception. Oh, that's a new thing I hate too with weddings, people creating their own hashtags. Yeah, it's a shortage.

Get out of here. Jim and Kim. You have to use that hashtag for the rest of your marriage. No, it was great because the ceremony was kind of like out on a terrace thing, and then it was the room that they had the dinner and was right next door. And, uh, the speeches were like,

uh, like really short and sweet because half of the family was from Germany. So they only knew so much English. So they, the speeches were like tiny little speeches, but like, yeah, fierce,

fierce and German. Yeah. Power hungry. And then they did, did uh i guess like they did two german wedding traditions one was the night before where uh the couple smashes a bunch of pottery okay and then they have to clean it up together that's the night before the night before yeah so i didn't get to see that one it's not the greek opa that sounds like something that somebody just a couple got caught in a huge argument the night before like no no in tradition we're german we're fine we're going through with it it's because we're german and then the other one um which was also like a cooperation based uh thing is um the mother uh of the bra

no of the groom had made this a giant kind of cloth uh heart and the couple had to like cut out the heart with tiny little scissors and then like walk through the heart together it was really sweet like while they were doing it i was like i do not know where this is going uh because they couldn't they couldn't accurately uh describe it with the kind of limited english they had uh but uh yeah so that was great uh-huh and then uh in german the heart, it's the Chorazon. I don't know. Is it? Yes. The Chorazon?

No. I just know the Chorazon wants what it wants. Yeah. If anybody had an objection, they couldn't just verbalize it. They had to physically come up and cut the heart. Yeah. If anyone objects. You have to stitch the heart back together. Did they do that in this wedding?

Did they say, if anybody objects, speak now, forever hold your peace? No. And I don't know that I've been to a wedding. back together. Did they do that in this wedding? Did they say, if anybody objects, speak now, forever hold your peace? No, and I don't know that I've been to a wedding. It's, it's, I believe, it's,

so someone can say, they're related. Mmm. Like, that's where it comes from. we're all gathered here, so, just so you guys know,

here's how I know you both. You're my cousins that being said i don't object i just want everybody to kind of be in the loop like i've even heard it say does anyone know of any legal reason that these two shouldn't be married they're both already married yeah yeah that too yeah uh here are the following reasons not i'm in love with him but they do leave that door wide over for that possibility um and then uh i think because this wedding like was done kind of i think it was arranged very quickly uh it was an arranged marriage yeah yeah uh and it was weird that you would uh bring over somebody from another country.

It just sounds like so much more work than getting somebody who already lives there. So they didn't have, like, it was just a friend of the family who was doing photos. And so I had to, like, help set up lights for the, because, you know, they go away and they take photos of the bridesmaids. That's how you should have snuck in. You should have said, I'm here for the because you know they go away and they take uh photos of the bride yeah it's in the you should that's how you should have snuck in you should have said i'm here for the wedding i'm setting up lights i'm the key grip yeah it was it was basically the key grip i'm the best boy and then um yeah it was uh it was it was fun man and then And then they had, like, slideshow, you know, playing throughout the night on the projector. Gorilla, occasionally. Yeah, well, it did go into some other file that wasn't photos of the couple. So it was just, like, a picture, like, this guy taking pictures of his feet.

What do you think of these shoes? Yeah, there was a lot of just like that kind of photo. Nothing like hilarious, like humiliating or anything. But all of a sudden I was like, there's a lot of photos of a guy skiing. And it doesn't look like the groom. So, yeah, that was my That was my fun Saturday night That is fun Yeah

Do you I feel like I'm in the prime age Of people getting married And I've been to like four weddings And a few But I've been to so few weddings Yeah I don't know

Is it our generation they don't get married much or am I the guy? No, no. I think it's the generational thing. I think a bunch of my friends have gotten married recently and I know I'm going to have to go to three next summer that I know of right now. I actually have bad news. I have to break to a

friend soon because he... Do it here. He just told me that like a month ago that he proposed his girlfriend she said yes and then he asked me to mc his wedding and he's one of my best friends but i've mc'd a couple weddings now and uh the luster has worn off already and i just like want to go and have a good time at his wedding i don't want to put in the work i'm seeing it and everything so he hadn't announced a date yet so there's no rush but when he does I'm trying to figure out how to tell him

can you find another MC? You should do it like proposal style where you kneel down and you go and you open a box with a microphone

and it just says will you find another MC? Or you get a bunch of kids to spell it out by holding up letters will you find another MC? Yeah, do a lip dub. There's so many ways you could make this fun.

Oh, yeah. It could be an MC Hammer song. And you have a hammer and you hammer the words MC. Yeah, oh, that's really good. I know, I'm good at this. Put it on a Jumbotron somewhere. Will you find another MC? Did anyone? That's the thing that I don't think really happens.

Or maybe it does. But like people get really romantic at weddings. Yeah. And sometimes I think it's rare. Or maybe this is just something that happens in movies. That you'll propose to someone at a wedding and steal the spotlight. Oh, man. I could totally see.

Did you do that? Yeah, I did that. To your date? I proposed to whoever that man is skiing in all those photos. Such excellent form. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that would just be the rudest shit in the world, right? Yeah.

To go to a wedding. But in movies, it plays real nice you can do it at the end of the night so you're not stealing the spotlight from the person if you're feeling romantic yeah do it in the middle of the ceremony before the first dance um oh yeah and that was the other thing that this i've never seen at a wedding before that they did three-tiered cake each tier a different style of cake. I'm on board with that. Yeah, I don't think this was a last-minute wedding at all.

Last-minute arrangement, that's like a year in the works. Yeah, that was like pretty fantastic. Was it sort of like, oh, well, was it for people's dietary restrictions? Or was it like, hey, everyone, let's have three slices of cake? I think it was like, hey, let's have three slices of cake? I think it was like, hey, let's just eat as much cake as we can. So the top was like a Neapolitan flavor. Ice cream?

And then carrot and then chocolate mousse. Ah. Yeah. I'm on board. Yeah. So it was. It was a lot of fun. But, yeah, the speeches being short, I can't state enough how great that is. I was at a wedding once where the father of the groom gave, and I'm not lying right now,

one hour and a half speech. What? An hour and a half. He had a PowerPoint presentation. Oh, God. And they didn't open the bar until after the speeches were done. So everyone literally just stood in there looking at their watches like, are you kidding? presentation and they didn't open the bar until after the speeches were done so everyone's literally just sitting there looking at their watches like are you kidding and he was a professor of like

environmental science but i was like i felt so sorry for students yeah he was he just droned on and 45 minutes into it the powerpoint malfunctioned and so it went out and he's like oh i can't seem to if we want to move on with the speeches and I'll try to get this to work. And everyone was like clapping, so happy he was done. And then like an aunt came up and gave a nice short heartfelt, like four minute speech and everyone loved it. And then she gets off and the dad comes back on. He's like, good news, the PowerPoint is working again.

So I'll pick up where I left off and did another 45 minutes. And it was all pictures of his son, like when he was born, when he was six months, when he was eight months, when he was a year. And then like in the second half of the second 45, so he's already like an hour into it, the first picture of his new daughter-in-law comes up.

Boo! So it shows them together. No, but everyone's like, oh, finally, now it's going to be them together. And then back to just pictures of his son. Just one picture of them together. And the weird part is I found out he had a really contentious relationship with his dad, the groom. Like they didn't see eye to eye. They barely saw each other.

So it was almost like his dad was like, well, maybe if I just give an hour and a half speech, he'll know how much I love him. I don't know. Wow. Yeah, it was horrible. Like I said, no bar, so you couldn't even self-medicate during it. He's like, an inconvenient truth. Over the years, the ice content on my son has gone way down. Do we want to move on to Overheard?

Sure. Hey, everybody, I'm Justin McElroy, the host of My Brother, My Brother and Me. I'm Travis McElroy, another host of My Brother, My Brother and Me. And I'm Griffin McElroy, the host of My Brother, My Brother and Me. I'm Travis McElroy, another host of My Brother, My Brother and Me. And I'm Griffin McElroy, the host. Are you anywhere near Huntington, West Virginia? Probably not. But if you are, or will be, on December 21st, you should come out and see us. We're doing our family comedy podcast, Hootenanny, called Candle Nights.

It's our second year, and we think it's just going to be great. Come join us. Come have a sip of the eggnog. Have a sip of whatever holiday beverage you want, because this Candle Nights, baby, is a pan-religious, pan-sexual, personal pan-holiday. Tickets are available at bit.ly forward slash Candle Nights 2. We hope to see you there.

And we hope to not curse. That's the plan, at least. Bring your babies, bring your aunt, bring whoever. Bring the meat or maid. It's Candle Nights, baby. Let's be honest. We live in a world with too much media. You need a podcast

on the front lines figuring out what's great. We're here for you. We're Pop Rocket. I am Guy Branum. I'm a comedian. I'm Wynter Mitchell. I call myself

a digital strategist. I'm Oliver Wang, academic and disc junkie. Margaret Wappler, je suis as journalist. And we watch, listen to, and read everything

so that you don't have to. And then we tell you about all the things that you'll love to love. Find us in iTunes or wherever you download podcasts. Pop Rocket, every Wednesday

from MaximumFun.org. Overheard. Overheard's a segment in which we go out in the world, we hear all sorts of crazy, funny stuff, and then we report it back here on the podcast. Now, we always like to start with the guest. Ah.

You want to lead the charge? No. It's so funny because I was just thinking today, this is not a joke, as I was walking over here, I think I miss out on so much material because I don't overhear much. I'm just trying to focus on hearing hearing Overhearing is not really a level But can't you turn up the I lose clarity when I turn it up

Yeah I overheard a lot of garbled nonsense Couldn't you have super hearing You know with the right If you found the right balance Have you tried turning down the treble? Now let me think here for a second, though. Not so long that it becomes boring.

Well, it's also like if you have overseen something, but we don't have to start with you. Oh, boy, I oversee a lot of stuff. Yeah. No, I'll let you guys start. Okay. Dave, go ahead. Mine is sort of, I don't know if it counts,

because it was said to me. Okay. I'll allow it was said to me. Okay. I'll allow it. Okay, good. Okay. Oh, phew. This is actually a couple of months ago when it was drier weather. I was wearing these canvas shoes.

The brand is Tree Torn. Okay. I think they're Swedish. Tree Torn. And a woman came up to me in a coffee shop and said, are those tree-torns? I haven't seen those in years. Are they comfortable? And I was like, yeah.

And she said, oh, that takes me back to when I was a 10-year-old girl. And I was like, I'm wearing these shoes. They're not little girl shoes. They're not jelly slippers. Yeah, they're not hush-gosh-be-gosh. Also, the way she intoned the way I is saying that you are currently attending. Oh, boy. Have you had your first menses yet, she said to me?

Oh, what kind of training bra are you wearing, sir? Oshkosh bagosh. That's probably a pretty funny thing. That there are training undergarments. Yeah. For, like, ambulatory people. Not just for babies. But it's like, yeah, there's no training underwear for boys.

You just jump right in into underwear. There's no, like, well, maybe one of these Pampers pull-ups seem like they're an intermediary. But like, it's not for like a boy becoming a man. There's no,

although you do learn a few things. Yeah. Yeah, like I feel like The waistband has its purpose. Yeah, and I think that you don't, like little kids,

little boys don't wear boxer shorts. I feel like that's a thing you get into in your teenage years. Oh, yeah little kids, little boys don't wear boxer shorts. I feel like that's a thing you get into in your teenage years. Oh, yeah. I definitely did. I guess that's true. I never thought about that. I didn't wear boxer shorts when I was young.

No, yeah. But I didn't know it was a pattern, I thought. No, I think it's like maybe it's different now. Can I ask how old you are? 29. Okay. Well, you're a little younger than us because when i was grade seven it was it became de rigueur everyone had them boxer shorts yeah i started wearing boxers when i was in like grade

seven too yeah i think that the more things change the more they stay the same i think that's you kind of like it's time to put away under roots yeah and the brand i wore was called yves martin oh i think they were walmart or something but yeah they were i remember all the guys in my class you know playing sports arms stretching up you see the yves martin i had to explain why i was seeing all their underwear you know playing sport doing manly yeah yeah yeah well it was a big like i remember when i, like, my older brother handed me down his boxer shorts and said, these will serve you well. These have been run up many a flagpole. Some people saluted.

Yeah, I, anyways. You have overheard. I do. Last week, I was in Victoria doing a comedy show, a recording for CBC Radio. Oh, yeah, uh, week I was in, uh, Victoria doing a comedy show recording for CBC radio. Oh yeah. Yeah. You were at Heckler's last week. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And, um, the, uh, the owner of Heckler's Aaron super guy, uh, and he little super guy. No, no. He's a regular size super guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Guys like this. Um, uh, he, a regular size super guy. Oh, okay. I'm thinking of someone else. You're thinking of a different guy. Yeah. Yeah. Guys like this. He had to, just before the show, he had to ask a hippie traveler looking guy to leave. It wasn't like a kerfuffle, but it was kind of, you know, like, oh, the show's just about to start and he's kind of giving this guy the boot. you know, like, oh, the show's just about to start and he's kind of giving this guy the boot. And so I asked him, I was like, hey, what was going on there with the hippie guy? And he goes, I had to kick him out because he was washing his puppy in the bathroom sink. Oh, my goodness.

Yeah. I mean, you know. Yeah. Where else are you going to do that? Any port in a storm. Yeah. I had a dime for every time I've heard that goodness. Yeah. I mean, you know. Yeah. Where else are you going to do that? Any port in a storm. Yeah. I had a dime for every time I've heard that story. Yeah.

Hippie washing his dog in the bathroom sink. I didn't even get to see the puppy either. Yeah. Well, puppies are so cute. I know. Especially a freshly cleaned one. Oh, man. And a hippie can put him in an old dog poncho.

Yeah. I haven't overheard now. All right. It happened at the same club, Heckler's, because I was there this past weekend. And a Kanye West song came on the jukebox, and this girl, I was playing pool, and this girl who was around the pool table said, oh, I hate Kanye West. He's such an asshole., I hate Kanye West. He's such an asshole. And I love Kanye West.

I don't care about anybody's media persona or anything like that because that's all a construction anyway. I just like if somebody's got good music, I like it. Anyway, I ended up getting into like a 10-minute argument with this girl over the merits of Kanye West. And like it got heated. It was like one in the morning I'd been imbibing

I think she had as well sure but yeah basically like I never thought I'd defend Kanye West

so like vociferously I was like yeah I like him a lot but I didn't think if somebody besmarted him I would be like

hold on one second stranger how dare you it's all a ten minute argument because she was like oh what he did to Taylor Swift was horrible. I'm like that was

like seven years ago or something. Also would we even be talking about that award? And she's like oh he ruined the sanctity of the award.

I'm like it was like the Teen Choice Awards or something. The sanctity. What are you talking about? Yeah he came up and took her surfboard

away. So I don't overhear much but if I do overhear you talking trash about Kanye West, you better watch out. Yeah, you watch yourself. Oh, wow. Yeah. Also, would Taylor Swift be anybody that anybody

knows had that not... Because that was the thing that made her a national hero. Oh, yeah. Nah, we still know her. Her talent is unassailable. She didn't lose that award. She won that award. Here's another... What, you talking trash about Taylor Swift? Another artist. I can't be smir. She won that award. Here's another... What, you talking to us about Taylor Swift? Another artist.

I can't be smirched. Oh, boy. Yeah, no, she's something special. You got to stay. She knows how to craft a good song that gets people's head. Look, I'm for Taylor Swift. I just, you know, would we or would she still be on the country circuit? No, no, she won that award.

Like, she beat Beyonce for that award. With her fists. Yeah. It was a really, like, the first year they did that at the MTV Video Music Awards, had artists fight. Over a surfboard. No. They get a moon man.

Oh, yeah. They get a moon man. That's right. I also was at a coffee shop yesterday, and I didn't overhear this, but I but i was with a friend who said oh you got to hear what these women are talking about there was two like older women they were like 60 and the one was like arguing pretty passionately about how now that women have more equal rights that they than they did that you don't see enough young girls acting womanly and like feminine and she was that huh that was i didn't overhear the whole thing but that was her main thesis that my buddy said she was saying which i found was pretty interesting

yeah i don't know that that's true i don't know i don't know that either but it's also like i yeah i try not to when an old person's telling a young person how to act. I kind of get my hackles up. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, I also, like, I don't know. Whenever I hear these, like, people, like, old people, like, ah, these kids on campus, they're too sensitive or whatever. I'm like, you understand that you're now, you know, the Krusty Dean? You're Krusty Dean now. You're the bad guy in every college movie.

Like, no, we should be able to dress up like Native Americans if we want. Sure. Why are you fighting for this? This is the story you want to follow? I think I'm on the right side of history with this one. I think we're going to have the pendulum's going to swing back the other way. I hope. Now we also have overheards

that have been sent in to us from around the world. That's nice. Yeah, if you want to send one in to us, you can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org This first one comes from Neffy A.

Neffy? Yeah, N-E-F-F-Y. What's up, Neffy? What is up, Neffy? See, this is the difference between charm. You say someone's name, and I'm like, Neffy? And DJ, it's very charming. Yeah.

What's up, Neffy? What's up, Neffy? Yeah. I question this person's, like's very charming. What's up, Nevi? What's up, Nevi? Yeah. I question this person's like citizenhood. Like citizen of Earth. I was sitting in a TTC subway. That's Toronto? That's right.

When I overheard two college students talking and was only able to make out one line among all the rabble, but thought it was too good to not share. The person said, someone broke into my apartment last night looking for money. I got up and started looking with him. That's pretty good. Yeah. Like, tell me if you find any. Yeah, that's like a fun. That's like a Sunday comic strip.

Yeah. You know, I feel like that had to be a fun, that's like a Sunday comic strip funny. Yeah. You know? I feel like that had to be a joke because there's no way in real life somebody breaks into your apartment. Like, you got to be a pretty chill dude or a girl to be like, oh, what's up? I'll help. Yeah, yeah. Or complete confidence. I'll tell you what, if we find anything, split it 50-50.

Yeah. But they probably just want your pearls. That's what prowlers want They get your pearls Yeah Oh yeah Priceless Ming Voss Your Ming Vosses

Yeah Some sort of ruby Your hope diamond Yeah Let's see what else Your laptop Most likely your laptop Would it

Because I You were a cat burglar I was a cat burglar But only I only stole cats Yeah I burgled cats And then I sold them back to the pound

Because that seemed like a money making operation Isn't that the plot of a really bad movie? Like a really bad movie? Isn't there like an Ace Ventura movie or something no there's another there's ace ventura is great by the way yeah yeah but there's another even worse dan marino's in it yeah we don't want to offend any ventura heads i'm a ventura head they're making ace ventura three and kanye west is doing the soundtrack um oh i wish i believed you sometimes i do a call back and bring two ideas together

and I'm like, was that worth it? I don't think so. I think it was. I really enjoyed it. I'll think of the movie, though. There's a bad movie

where somebody steals people's dogs, not cats, and they sell them back to them. Oh, isn't there, what was that movie that had Christopher

Walken in it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, Seven Psychopaths. Yeah, yeah, that was the part of that. Done. Seven Psychopaths. Yeah, yeah. That was the part of that. There you go. Seven Psychopaths. We solved that.

I was... Thanks, Nepi. They used to... Because I've lived in this neighborhood for over 10 years. It's gotten less crimey and grimy. Yeah. But my car used to get broken into. But more slimy.

Yes, that's true. It's the algae. Yeah. But, yeah, my car used to get broken into. But more slimy. Yes, that's true. It's the algae. Yeah. But, yeah, my car used to get broken into. And I can't tell if it's gotten broken into less because the neighborhood's improved or because people just don't, like, you know, stealing. There's nothing to steal in a car anymore. Yeah, that's true. Like, you don't steal someone's radio.

Yeah, what would you steal out of a car? Maybe a car anymore. Yeah, that's true. Like, you don't steal someone's radio. Yeah, what would you steal out of a car? The transmission? A seat? Yeah, if someone left their phone in it. That would be such a bummer if you saw your car was broken into

and then you looked in and they'd stolen your seat. You'd just have to, like, tape in, like, your kitchen chair or something. That'd be amazing, actually. Or, like,

a bunch of phone books. Yeah. This next overheard comes from Alex E. in New York City. Now, this is somebody who's attending. Alex is attending his sister's graduation, sitting behind two little girls who are talking to each other about someone directing the people in the ceremony. So that's on stage.

These kids are commenting on it. And they're pretending that they're talking on cell phones, but they're actually talking into Nintendo 3DS. So first girl talking into her Nintendo 3DS, pleading with an imaginary person on the other end. We're trying to save the world and we're sisters. Second girl shouting at the same imagined person into her toy cell phone very seriously. He's trying to stop the graduation. Then our cousin won't graduate and she'll have to go through college again and she'll never graduate then great imagination kids oh i love faith in their cousins uh yeah and the fact that like oh none of

your credits will carry over fun fact that's actually another subplot in seven psychopaths yeah the two sisters investigating crimes um uh my Margo, sweet baby Margo. Sweet baby Margo. She will pick up our, like, she's maybe seen six phone calls in her life. Yeah. And Abby and I

look at our phones 24 hours a day. Yeah. And yet when Margo has a chance to take our phone, she always puts it up to her head. She always does it backwards

so that the screen is facing out. Stupid baby. Yeah, I know. And then also the baby monitor with the little screen she'll pick that up and put it up next to her head it's very cute but she is a very adorable baby thanks top 10 maybe uh maybe she'll be a secretary someday oh yeah and maybe that's it like maybe you'll be able to tell her like oh you know what you used to you had an early aptitude for phones um although will there be phones in the future my boy no way of knowing my boy no way of knowing exactly um do you you you hate phone calls

yep because i've never been able to get a hold of you on the phone for 10 years. I know in that hotline blink that it's a phone call. But do you still make calls ever? I try to. It's this thing where I'm like, let's be a little more interpersonal and not just text. But in the end, no, I think I text 99% of the time. But I like when I get a phone call from someone I like. I like it.

I'm like, oh, look at them. They're actually thinking about me and they're calling me but for the most part if i don't know the person and they're not in like my top five of people i actually want to talk to i let it go to wait you still have a top five on your phone well it's not it's in my brain not as much on my phone um i'm allowed to call anyone for my top five it's uh unlimited nights and weekends uh it's great um i the only people i ever call are my parents because they don't text and uh to order takeout yeah yeah although i'm uh slowly cutting out the uh takeout calls yeah you do it online right yeah yeah i was like oh you're cooking more? No, no, no.

No, no. I love that that wasn't even an option in my mind. Yeah, it's all online now. Yeah. And, you know, a lot of places you put a thing in online and then it has some sort of tracker. Yeah, that's fine. Well, Domino's does. Do other places?

Yeah, there's some, like, people are getting in on the trend, the tracker. Graham, it's okay if you're just talking about Domino's does. Do other places? Yeah, there's some, like, people are getting in on the trend. The tracker. Graham, it's okay if you're just talking about Domino's. No, but Pizza Hut also gives you, like, an update of, like, here's when we put in the pizza. Yeah, Domino's has five steps. They have, we're processing your order. It tells you who's doing it. Johnny is decorating your pizza. Is that what they say?

With candles, as per your request. Then Vladimir put it in the oven. And then Rod. Then Neffy is going to deliver it. Well, no, the fourth step is the quality check. And I've never seen it say, oh, it failed. Yeah. Can you imagine?

Yeah, exactly. Well, thanks for looking into it. Yeah. Glad you didn't send that in. This one had one pepperoni on it. Just one big pepperoni. Brian is having a slice. He's just, that's why every pizza comes with one slice missing.

That was the quality control slice. I wouldn't mind that, actually. What would have to happen for them not to know the pizza was good after it got out of the oven? Like, oh, caught on fire. Yeah, or yeah. Somebody put pubes in it. Oh, yeah. It's one of these pizzas that if you heat it up, it unlocks a curse.

So we're starting from scratch. This last one comes from Ellie in Astoria. Sup, Ellie? Ellie? Ellie? What? What are you where do you get off

calling yourself a person so this is a at a baseball game where they're giving away it's fedora giveaway day are they little plastic fedoras with an ice cream sundae in them? I don't know

With the team logo on them But it started raining And people were leaving Because it was pouring rain And she overheard somebody Who was being encouraged to get out of the rain Respond I'm not quitting this early

Quitters don't get fedoras It's true That's true Quitters don't get fedoras it's true that's true quitters don't get fedoras that's an old aristotle quote actually yeah yeah uh when he was uh yeah he was uh he had a neck beard right i was trying to think fedoras really oh they've had a hard run you know this last you know i'm going to lie. I like fedoras. And when I say fedora, it's kind of an all-encompassing term. I'm including trilbies in there. Yeah, yeah.

I don't know. I can't distinguish. I like a nice brimmed hat. Yeah. And I don't wear it specifically because of the social stigma. Yeah, that's true. I think there's a lot of people who would gladly wear a hat, especially in the summertime. Also, my hearing aids aren't waterproof, so it's a

functional thing. They protect my hearing aid and still, I'll go deaf in the rain instead of being a loser in a fedora. I thought you meant like, I was like, why would you wear a fedora swimming? Oh, a swimming fedora. I like that a lot.

It's like a rubber fedora. Keeps my hair dry. Just this part. The way you wear your hat. Ma'am. You tip your hat in the pool.

To the water aerobic class. Yeah. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls.

If you would like to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328. I knew the number. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You are in the top five automatically if you call. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, put that number in your top five. Call Sprint and be like, these are my boys. Was it Sprint or T-Mobile also had like a top five?

Who knows? We live in Canada. Isn't it called the Fave Five? It was My Five? My Five, yeah. All right. Catherine Sada-Jones. Oh, yeah, she was a T-Mobile lady.

She was also a cat burglar. Oh, right, in Entrapment. Butt laser. Entrapture. All right, here are your phone calls. Hey, Dave Green and probable guest. This is Peter T. from Bellingham, Washington, with an overseeing. I just got off the bus.

The young gentleman in front of me was texting, and I couldn't help but see his screen. I caught the end of the question he got from someone. All I could see was, or for physical pleasure. His reply back was, both. my piercer told me getting it made me a real man i come bigger too though a little while later i looked up again at his screen and he had written to his friend again and said the pain is mostly gone, but masturbation takes a certain finesse. That's always been the case for me. It's got to be.

Oh, yeah. Well, I use finesse. Salon Selectives. They're talking about Prince Albert. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that. I couldn't help but read and it ended up being like three paragraphs. I just didn't mean it.

I couldn't help it. Well, I was curious about this guy with a giant blood stain on his crotch. Why did I wear white pants today? It's hard to not read somebody's text when they're like right in front of you. It's like a glimpse into somebody else's life. It's true. Especially if you're on like a bus. There's nothing else to look at. Yeah.

My piercer told me it would make me a real man, and I've trusted him for most of my life decisions up until now. He's also else to look at. My piercer told me it would make me a real man, and I've trusted him for most of my life decisions up until now. He's also my priest. Whenever I'm in times of trouble, I talk to my piercer. How can I come bigger? Well, first of all,

how dare you ask me that? We don't use that kind of talk at the dinner table. The church closed at dinner. He's at dinner. With his piercer. I was having dinner with my piercer. He's also my father.

Would you like to help me pierce the turkey? Well, you do. Sometimes you can use the thing to close up the stuffing hole. Yeah. Yeah, I just just I don't know about that piercing man I once got uh

my you once got a friend's albert I once pierced my brosnan well it was worth it but I was gonna say I once got my

brosnan pierced which wouldn't have worked no didn't really work regardless here's your next phone call

it was worth it though I saw a guy in the gym at the a guy in the shower at the gym went with a full-on piercing, like, through, like, horizontal through the end of his penis. What? Like, a full, like, bar. And it was, like, an inch and a half. What is the Prince Albert? Prince Albert's, like, it's a ring of fire.

Maybe it's the same piercing, but he just had a bar instead of a ring. It was literally right through the end of it. I don't even know how you pee around that. You don't. You have to sit. What do you mean you have to sit? To pee. But it's still coming out the same hole.

Yeah, it's coming out everywhere. Yeah, you'd think it would just come out like a crazy... You don't know, man. coming out the same hole. Yeah, it's coming out everywhere. Yeah. You'd think it would just come out like a crazy. You don't know, man. Come on. I'm certain we have listeners who have them. Yeah. Well.

We're curious about your culture. Yeah. Please, send pics. Yeah. Send some pics over. Tweet some pics at DJ Timers. Of you peeing. Prove us right.

Here's your next phone call. Hi, everybody. This is Gretchen calling in with a kids say the do the darndest kind of stuff. They do. So I work at an elementary school and some kids were talking about writing. These are first grade kids. talking about writing. These were first grade kids.

And one kid goes, I can write a letter in Chinese. And so he picks up a whiteboard marker and he draws a pound sign on my whiteboard. Okay, thank you. Bye. Ta-da. A hashtag. Yeah.

You know, is that a kid that just doesn't know better? Is that a kid that's sassing off by doing a hashtag, pound sign? Pound tag. Hash pound. Yeah. Maybe it's like a silly dad joke his dad gave him. I don't know. Yeah, and he didn't know it was a joke.

It doesn't seem offensive to me. No, no, no, it's not. But it's dumb. I don't know. Yeah, and he didn't know it was a joke. It doesn't seem offensive to me. No, no, no, it's not. But it's dumb. But it's like one of these things where a kid says,

check out this thing, and then they can't really do it. Like, watch me throw an M&M to my mouth, and then they do it like 12 times and it never... We used to play this game called Spoons. It was a card game where there's spoons at the center of the's like, if there's four people, there's only three spoons. Okay. And you're just literally, you're playing it in silence and a card comes around and you're trying to get four of a kind. Right.

And so if you, if your card comes up and you don't want it, you put it down and the next person picks it up and then one of you eventually gets four of a kind. And you try to silently as this whole process of your hands moving, you try to silently, once you have four of a kind and you try to silently as this whole process of your hands moving you try to silently once you have four of a kind take a spoon yeah and then once the first spoon is gone anyone can take a spoon and so it always ends up with like a mad dash for spoons but sometimes it goes on forever and no one notices that all the spoons are gone yeah and then as an offshoot of this game my uh my family we played this game and it was like it wasn't even a game it was just sort of like a party trick of like uh chinese numbers or something and you arranged the spoons to uh it was just like one expert was

like oh yeah i can do i can show you chinese numbers this one for instance do you know what this one is? And they would rest three fingers on the table. And eventually you would figure out that whatever number, whatever they're doing with the spoons, corresponds to however many fingers they've rested on the table. Ah. Oh my God, that was so boring.

What happened? I blacked out. The Spillman's game didn't even have anything to do with it. I was wondering where that part of it was going. I thought that would be like a five second explanation that would lead into the next part. God, my... You know what? I haven't been in the same since my brazen got pierced.

Here's your final overhurt over There we go Oh my god I want to die Hey David Grubb And probable guest This is Jesse from

Beamsville, Ontario For a drug trial Flash Mostly over So I was watching Ferris Bueller's Day Off and my dad walked in and he said,

what are you watching? And I told him what I was watching. He said, oh, that Michael Broadbric movie. And then I just said yes because I didn't want to get into it. Okay. Yeah.

Fair enough. I mean, it's close. He's at least got the right amount of syllables. Yeah. Michael Brodbrick? Yeah. Michael Brodbrick. I can't even, I mean, my dad can't remember the name of a single actor or actress, like,

ever. Yeah. I mean, you got one or two. Your dad's okay in my books. Close. He got almost one. He got almost one. Yeah, Broadbrick, I think is.

Michael Broadbrick. Yeah, that's close enough, too. I also feel like I would like to get to that place. And I feel like we're, collectively, we're getting there. Yeah. Where you just won't care what an actor's name is you'll be like you know and you'll have to describe eight things that they've been in yeah so that a younger we've gotten into because we now are at a place where not only are we at an

age of not really being that plugged in but also people are named channing tatum now and people are named benedict cumberbatch now. That's true. So these are hard things. They are hard things. And you know what? We're going to get through it together. Yeah, we're going to get to a place where we can not know the name of anyone. Yeah, and be like confident about that.

Yeah. Michael Brodbrick. I like that better than Matthew Brodbrick, to tell you the truth. Michael Brodbrick. Yeah. Sounds tough. I also liked in the call. Michael Brodbrick I like that better than Matthew Broderick to tell you the truth Michael Brodbrick yeah sounds tough I also liked in the call

he said he was watching it and his dad walked in and I was like what were you doing for a second it was like it seems like my dad walked in on me

yeah you know what you do while you watch I was just singing Donkashane well with that, that brings us to the end of the show.

DJ, do you have anything? This will come out... Oh, boy. What are you... What are you putting me on the spot here? What are you on the spot? Let's say the 30th of November.

Oh, almost a year to the day when you were on Conan. Yeah. Two great achievements in my life, and I'm not saying that facetiously. I'm very happy to be on... Oh, well, thank you for coming on the show yeah no thank you for having me people

are gonna ask you what time do they tape it what kind of food do they serve yeah well let me tell you there was no food at all and it was a one blemish no you guys you treated me like a king um november 30th i'll be in alberta shortly after that i can't remember i'm in like grand prairie and calgary and uh red deer at fratters so if you're listening to this november 30th I'll be in Alberta shortly after that I can't remember I'm in like Grand Prairie and Calgary and Red Deer at Fratters so if you're listening to this November 30th

and you're in Alberta check my website djdmerce.com and check out where I'm at and you're on Twitter what's your Twitter handle? yeah

djdmerce so d-j-d-e-m-e-r-s and facebook.com slash djdmerce comedy right on thanks for being our guest thank you very much for having me

when you when you are emceeing weddings do you say that you're a DJ and an emcee oh pretty good

you can use that yeah um or you can use it for your friend who you don't want to emcee you can say I'm a DJ

not an emcee yeah and then he's like will you DJ my wedding actually that'd be a lot of fun actually I'd love to oh Kanye all the time a little bit of teeth sweat

yeah a little bit yeah exactly do you have anything we gotta plug do we gotta plug boy well I just everyone rush out

get those advent calendars tickets probably still available for that taping we're doing with the Dollop Oh yeah, December 12th At the Fox Cabaret here in Vancouver That's a live podcast

We will be guests of The Dollops Yeah And I'm not joking around about those Advent calendars You'll be remiss Yeah, yeah, yeah You don't get December 1st And I want to do just a quick plug for a past guest uh mark chavez is uh they they're doing a kickstarter him and his comedy partner from the

pajama man uh they're doing a kickstarter for a uh a web series and i've uh they're just two of the funniest dudes in the world and i I put it on my Facebook page. But, yeah, if you're interested in being a Kickstarter person, why not that? Sure. You know what I mean? We'll post a link to it on the episode recap. Sure.

That's fun. And speaking of that episode recap, head over to MaximumFun.org, where we will have collected pictures and videos of the things we talked about on the show. Teeny weeny super guy. Oh yeah. Teeny little super

guy. Yeah. Can't tell the hero by his size. A full tutorial on how to play Spooned. Oh yeah. We won't need to.

We mostly put stuff that I haven't explained perfectly. Simon the safety squirrel. Sure. A pierced Brosnan. Oh, yeah.

That's got to be, if you Google it, Pierce Brosnan. And if you like the show, tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. maximum fun.org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported