Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 403 - Paul Bae

Episode Date: December 7, 2015

Paul Bae of the Black Tapes podcast returns to talk dogs, baby freakouts, and "We Didn't Start the Fire."

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 403 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who shirks responsibility. I was going to do something else but then the word shirk just appeared in my head. You were powerless.

Yeah, and I was powerless. Mr. Dave Shumka. But you don't shirk responsibility. No, I mean, I shirk a lot of things. No, yeah. Yeah, what do you shirk? What are your top three shirks? Okay, I shirk.

What I like to shirk is the past. Yeah. Goodbye, past, I say. I shirk you. I shirk you. Then what I like to shirk is my compost. Yeah, absolutely. I just shirk that every few days, keep it fresh.

And the final thing I shirk is my wiener. Yeah, yeah, you shirk it. I shirk and shirk it around. Yeah, you shirk it off. Yeah. And our guest today. I thought I was going to keep it clean. No, well, you know, you tried your best with what you had.

Yeah. Dave, name 40 things you've shared. Our guest today, comedian, writer, co-producer of the Black Tapes podcast, Mr. Paul Bay is our guest. Hey, guys. Hey. Hi, Paul. You lasted 30 seconds before that. Before I sang Wiener?

Yeah. Yeah, well. A new record. A new record. Longest I've ever lasted. Thanks for being our guest. Thanks for having me. It's been a while.

It's been like, I think, four years since I was last here. No way. Yeah. What? Yeah. That's an oversight on our part. I think it's about four years. Well, we wanted you to make something of yourself.

In the podcasting world. Yeah. Oh, I crossed the golden threshold. Oh, should we get to know us sure get to know us you uh uh like you've been doing a bunch of different things my favorite thing that you've been up to is uh for for a long time you were you were not a dog guy yeah no i wasn't. You remember that? Yeah, I did not like dogs. You didn't want to get, you didn't like them.

You didn't want to get even one dog. You remember that, right? Yes. Yes. And now you are like Mr. Holland's Opus of Dogs. I mean, Graham's pretty good at analogies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, man, they got a killer choir, those three.

Yeah. Oh. You now have got a killer choir, those three. Yeah. Oh. You now have a third. I have a third. So, Graham, you and I worked on a TV show called City News List. Yeah, yeah. And this is when you knew. I did not want a dog.

Yeah. Respected them. Yeah, yeah. For what they were. Yeah, sure. Yeah, you liked them. From afar. You didn't want to wipe them off the planet.

No, no. I respected them as beings. Yeah. As persons. But you didn't want to Wipe them off the planet No, no I respected them as beings Yeah As persons But you didn't want one In your house No, I didn't want one Needing me

And doing stuff for it Yeah, yeah, yeah And then one day I brought one into You know, we adopted one Little Monty Yeah Brought it into the studio

You fell in love Charlie That dog is the Sweetest dog It was a traffic stopping dog Yeah In front of our studio And so I got him And then I went to do Two years later My girlfriend Lani Dog is the sweetest dog. It was a traffic stopping dog in front of our studio.

And so I got him. And then I went to do, two years later, my girlfriend Lani and I. I wish I had a traffic stopping dog instead of one that just keeps getting run over. Your dog's cute. No, just tell that to the cars that keep running over his face. I think your dog is cute. No, you're're right He's adorable Two years later

We're at Whistler I'm doing a show And then Lanny comes along And says I want to visit The Whistler shelter Because of all those Remember that call Of the sled dogs

Yeah Maybe we could save one I'm like well we're not saving A sled dog In our little Yale town apartment Yeah Right

That's cruel And then we went to visit They're all spoken for Thank God They were all rescued. Right. But we found one, Billy, that no one wanted. So we took him.

So now we got two dogs. Was this a sled dog as well? No, he was just a, they found him on a reserve. Okay. They call him a Mount Curry special. Cause they don't, not sure what he is. And he found him at the base of Mount Curry. Okay.

Yeah. That's, that's a breed now. And so then this last week, okay, Lani had it in her head. Like I'm the one who walks the dogs. Right. And so, and I don't like just walking. I like taking them on hikes every day. Yeah.

And it's two dogs is a lot. And you're in, you're not in Yaletown anymore. No. You're in North Vancouver. We just moved a few months ago to Lions Bay. Where, what is that? That's 10 minutes west of, it's on the way to Squamish. It's on the way to Whistish. It's on the way to

Whistler. So you're out in proper nature. Yeah, yeah. We got the trail to the lions right across the street. So it's great for

dogs. And I want to, I had it in my head, let's rescue an old, if we're going to rescue a dog, let's rescue an older dog. We have this property,

let's get one, then we could find it a home. Plus it's, you know, who wants 15 years of commitment with a dog now? Yeah. It's like a test run who wants 15 years of commitment with a dog now? Yeah. I know you do. Exactly.

It's like a test run that'll end itself. Yeah. So we, then we found this dog in the new Westminster shelter that the owner left him at the, at the animal hospital because he saw the bill. And she said, I guess the vet told him he's got a lot of problems. Right. And so we took her home. Did you pay the bill? We paid the bill. Wow. We took her home. Did you pay the bill? We paid the bill. Wow.

We took her home. They're great there, the newest Mr. Animal Shelter. So anyways, we took her home. And I thought she was a puppy. Like I really thought she was. She looks like a puppy. She looks like a puppy pit bull. Yeah.

We took her to the vet a few days ago. Turns out she's actually maybe one years old. Okay. And just never been taken outdoors and never taught house training. Oh, wow. And because her muscle development is sort of weak, she looks like and never taught house training. Oh, wow. And because her muscle development is sort of weak,

she looks like a puppy and is clumsy. Oh, wow. I thought you were going to say, I thought she was a puppy. She's 14 years old. Yeah, that's what I thought

it was going to be. They cut her open, counted the rings. This is a year old, so I'm waking up in the middle of the night cleaning up, like I wanted a house trained dog.

Yeah. Right? And anyways, we got this baby dog, that dog that's not a baby that acts like a baby. Yeah. I mean, one is pretty babyish. Is it?

Yeah. And she barks at everybody, like everything. I don't know what dogs do, man. Not my dogs. My dogs are good dogs. This dog has been like. Dogs bark. Can't take the bark out of the dog.

Like the other two were what? Were very quiet, very kind of sedate. Very, very obedient. Yeah. When they're outside, they know that's the time to run. Right. They've always been that way. And then when they're in the house, they're just.

They'd like to chill out. Yeah. They like to chill, go by your feet, wait for food to drop on the floor. Yeah. And I don't know what dogs do, but this one, like she thinks, oh, couch, time to pee on it. Yeah. I think it's time to jump on my older brother. oh, couch, time to pee on it.

It is time to jump on my older brother. In the middle of the night, we'll hear something leap, land on my big dog, and we'll hear fighting in the background. This is not my reality now. It's not what I expected. But this is, yeah.

Do you think this is it? Three dogs maximum? Well, you thought two was probably the maximum. I was definite about two. Yeah. I'm definite about three. Yeah. All right. Well, that's a bad sign.

Yeah. In four years when I do your show again, we'll see how many dogs I have. Because there was another dog that past guest Alicia Tobin had kind of posted about online. And you went to go see that dog. I went to go see that dog. And because they said that this dog needed a home and was good with dogs, was good with people, went to see it. And they said the dog's actually not good with other dogs.

Yeah, yeah. That's what they, yeah, yeah. And we're like, okay, that's, well, she got adopted. That's, that's good. But I feel like any dog that gets posted on the internet is like the luckiest dog. Cause like so many people see it and are like,

let's do it. Yeah. Fight over it. That is true. Like, uh, cause you don't, I like,

I could go, I could go weeks and weeks without ever thinking about, uh, what, what, like adopting a dog or, and then, uh,

and then if I see an ad on the internet, like a posting of, Hey, this, this guy needs a home, I'm like, yeah, I should upend my life. Yeah. And adopt a dog. Give in to my allergies. Yeah, exactly.

I think Alicia Tobin is like a dog spy, like a plant. She doesn't have a dog, but she goes around posting these dogs, I want to adopt it. And then other people like me come along, I'm like, I'll do it, don't worry about it. Yeah, she's like have a dog, but she goes around posting these dogs. I want to adopt it. And then other people like me come along. I'm like, oh, I'll do it. Don't worry about it.

Yeah. She's like a dog promoter. Yeah. Yeah. She's a great dog manager. She's like a Mr. Holland Opus of dogs. I don't know why that was. Was his name Mr. Holland Opus?

Did I get that wrong? Um, I don't, I've never seen it. No, me neither. Have you seen it? Yeah. But I thought you said that because you're thinking, you know, I used to be a teacher. Oh, no, I didn't go that deep. As a former teacher, were you mandated to see every teacher movie?

Yes, I was. Well, what are the best? What are the top 40? Goodbye, Mr. Chips. Oh, yeah. Goodbye, Mr. Chips Part 2. The Coming Back. Welcome Back, Mr. Chips Oh yeah Goodbye Mr. Chips Part 2 The Coming Back Or Welcome Back Mr. Chips

The Coming Back That's the sequel title What was the one with the dangerous kids? Not Dangerous Minds The one with Michelle Pfeiffer? No, that's Dangerous Minds Class of 1984 Oh yeah

Is that the one? That was Michael J. Fox What was the... Edward Fox Oh What was the Edward James Olmos Was the teacher Stand and Deliver Yeah Stand and Deliver Have I ever talked about

Class of 1984? I think it was in one of our Lost episodes With Josh Stubbs That my That it was one of these films That was made It was kind of one of the first

Crowd sourced Films And my dad Is one of the first crowdsourced films. And my dad is one of the people who bought into that movie. Are you serious? Yeah, yeah. It was one of these things like if you paid 50 bucks or whatever, you got a poster. And I think maybe you're in the credits.

I don't know. I love that movie. Yeah, yeah. So I think I still have the poster. love that movie. Yeah, yeah. So he, I think I still have the poster. That's fantastic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's like, yeah, I don't know. I knew a guy who was making this movie.

I think, I believe we already had this conversation, but it was lost. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I remember, because I had these, my parents once won like a silent auction in a fundraiser for a bunch of Michael J. Fox autographed stuff. And he was in Classic 1984. It was like his debut. That was his debut, yeah. And they won a bunch of Michael J. Fox autographed stuff, including a Doc Hollywood poster, a Back to the Future hat, and then a Back to the Future animated series VHS that he wasn't involved with at all.

And he just autographed it. This is not my voice, Michael J. Fox. I was in the ninth grade when that movie came out. And do you remember the class of 1984? And the main bad guy had this red shirt with a zipper, a diagonal zipper. I spent three days hunting down that, and I found it downtown. Really? Very close to it.

But I had these epaulettes that I had to cut off because that wasn't the look. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I spent, my friends and I were being in the school cafeteria, figuring out the exact positioning, the appropriate flap positioning, like how much should I zip up? Is there skin through it? No, not skin. There's a flap underneath the main flap.

Oh, okay. But it doesn't, it zips up all the way to the shoulder. Right. And you can't do not skin. There's a flap underneath the main flap. Oh, okay. But it doesn't, it zips up all the way to the shoulder. Right. And you can't do that or else there's no flap. Then you zip it down a bit. But if he's only zipped it like a few inches, the flap came out perpendicular to your chest. And that's weird.

That is weird. That's not a good look for that shirt. But if you go too low, my friends all day kept unzipping it the whole way. Yeah, that would be, I'd be afraid of people just grabbing it and z grabbing yeah zipping yeah they thought it was the funniest thing in the world right yeah yeah i've uh like i get the one the people you can never trust for fashion advice are your high school friends while you're in high school also that's a super brave of you in high school to like see a thing be inspired by a movie and be like i'm gonna i'm gonna make this a real world fashion oh i i was that guy at our school that would see like i saw uh david bowie doing uh modern dance remember

that that video modern dance or modern love modern love or let's dance yeah it's from let's dance and he had that yellow bigger jacket and so i thought that's the look. And so I convinced me and my buddy, Sean DeNevers, we went down and we went to, I think it was Sears and oversized jackets. Sure. Right. In like bright colors, bright pastel colors.

And that was easy to find back then. Yeah. Yeah. But we said, we are not rolling up the sleeves. No. Like they do on Miami Vice. We're going to, we're going to bring it back to unrolled sleeves.

Just, just, just have a regular oversized pastel jacket. 1980s zoot suit. It went so well with my bolo tie. I'm sure. That's, oh man. Oh man, you're a braver man than I am.

And this was in high school? This was in high school. I can't imagine anyone wearing like a sport coat in high school, even in the 90s. No, that's true. That really was, that went out with the 80s. The sport coat in high school even in the 90s no that's true that that really was that that went out with the 80s yeah yeah no it was great we felt great everyone was like giving us the you know not the finger but the point gun finger the right finger like hey looking good wow uh yeah no i admire that uh because uh like I would see something in a movie that I'd be like, ah, that looks so cool. But I, I'd be too scared.

But now you could like, uh, I'm surprised it only took you three days of searching. Yeah. Like now you would just go online and be like, what is that? Yeah, that's true. What that, what that shirt? I think the last thing that was like a lot of people bought en masse was that satin jacket from Dry. Right. That Ryan Costley wore.

I feel like a lot of guys were like, that's going to be my new look. That's the one I never had in my, in my like. What, a satin jacket? Yeah. In the seventies, my, you know, my older friends. Yeah. My cousins, friends had those jackets. Like that was.

Oh yeah. Yeah. Well, they were all, they were the road crew for ted nugent um can you even get satin jackets anymore probably i know a satin guy who's your satin guy well he doesn't want like it's secret oh sure he doesn't want me to it's not satin steve is it oh yeah steve satin steve holland Yeah In his opus Sat in Didn't Sat in Steve Holland Direct Better Off Dead

Guys these are funny jokes Uh Paul Yes Since we You were last here Your last name Bay Has become a Oh yeah

Jesus This must have been A nightmare for you What does it mean Best and ever No No it's not an acronym I think

Yeah it is No it's just It's ever. No. No, it's not an acronym, I think. Yeah, it is. No, it's just babe. No, that's for real. Why would I make that up? For reals? Well, the acronym I heard it was before anyone else. But it's not an acronym. No, it is.

Isn't it an acronym? B-A-E? I don't think. I think it's just lazy babe. Yeah. I think that's what it is. Okay. Yeah. Oh yeah. That's what it is. Okay. People turn it into an acronym.

Sure. Like, like, like the word fuck, you know, he's just, people say it's for, for enough unlawful cardinal knowledge, but it's actually an old, old word meaning plow. Right. Does bae have a meaning in Korean? Uh, it, it, it's supposed to be pronounced bae, and that could mean stomach. Okay.

Or something almost a sauce that I'm not aware of. Right. But that's, it's just, there's not too many surnames in Korea. Oh, right. And that's one of the ones that, why is that? I don't know. It's just Park Lee, Kim,

and that's pretty much it. And Song. And bae, whenever you meet other Koreans, they're like, Bae, Jesus, what farming family are you from? Like, apparently it's like a very low, low class name or something. Like lower class.

That's what my other Korean friends tell me. But like, yeah, it was weird. Just this morning, I was thinking about how both my first and last name are really boring origins. Right. Because Graham just means like host of a house. And Clark is just a derivative of clerk. Oh, is that what it is?

Yeah. Oh, man. So cool. So there was a clerk somewhere in my ancestry. So there was a clerk somewhere in my Ancestry Being a high school teacher When this came around When my last name turned into Bay

Sucked Oh man It sucked Especially because you are such a hottie So I can't really tell what they're saying Are you just calling my name? Do you want help with your homework? Or do you want to go out?

What's the deal here? No, so my name says Mr. Bay outside my door. And I taught at the largest school in the world. In the world. At the Mall of America. So a lot of students don't know me. So, you know, after school, I'll be marking papers or something.

I heard this one time, I heard these two girls, see? Like outside my door. See? It's real. Yeah, it's gotta be a joke. No, it's really his name. No, he's joking. Then I came out, like sort of like put my elbow on the doorjamb. So like, hey ladies.

With your zipper shirt. They ran. As if I jumped out. I was just joking. But I guess in hindsight, it is creepy having your teacher going, hello. Yeah.

I'm trying to picture any of my teachers doing that oh there's one i could picture oh did you look like me yeah yeah yeah that's the always been the funny thing about uh you because you've been a teacher on and off the whole time i've known you and uh i never had a teacher that looked as young as you All my teachers looked like they were like, oh, I got one week till retirement. Like they were all just so old. They exist. Yeah, I definitely remember a few young teachers and it was like, they were the most fun

because they, and the very old teachers. But like from like age 35 to 55, it was a lot of just like. I don't i must have going through the motions but yeah the young ones are like let's do something new or i never had any young i like i i just feel like i must have been at the old end of a cycle of teachers like the or they just shuffled off all the bad teachers to my school. To the lost cause. Your youngest teacher was Mr. Opus. Mr. Opus.

Mr. Opus. From Bloom County. I think when you went to high school, that was when the oldest teachers were about to retire. Yeah. Right. And so now there's like a whole, the schools are just filled with young teachers now.

Yeah. It was like, man, there was a lot of, a lot of clock watchers. But yeah, I remember Yeah. It was like, man, there was a lot of, a lot of clock watchers. But yeah, I remember. And like, you've always taught high school. Yeah.

Yeah. And are you, you're currently not teaching. I just quit two weeks ago. But is this it? Do you think? This is it. This is it. Right.

Like I taught for seven years, then I quit. Sorry, eight years. And then I quit in what? Two, 2001. And then I came back in 2010 and now i think i'm done for sure it's just it's just too hard yeah it's just too much work and you uh but like uh you also wrote a book while you were teaching oh you suck sir yeah yeah yeah i'm getting part two ready that was that was a lot of fun actually that was that was thank god my professor when I was studying to be a teacher, said, you know what will help you teach? Keep a journal.

And I guess she tells everyone this. Sure. And all teachers have been told this. Keep a journal of your daily things just to look back on it. Right. But I took it seriously. And so I kept it. And then I think in 2010, when I returned to teaching, it was tough.

Yeah. And so I went back to my old journals to remind myself how to teach properly. And then I found all these funny stories because I'd copy down kids, the things that come out of their mouths, like a book of overheards. Right. Yeah. And then, and I would change, you know, I'd have to change a gender and some of the wording because I have to make it concise.

Sure. Yeah. Kids aren't always the most straightforward. And you got to change the gender because sometimes, you know, being a boy isn't concise. Let me get a girl. They got to change the grade so the kids, I don't want the kids themselves recognizing what happened. I even had one kid, a former student, Facebook messaged me that Mr. Bay, that was hilarious.

Was that our class? I'm like, dude, that was you. And he goes, what? And I had to remind him what happened. He goes, oh my God, that was me. And I get a lot of former students always respond, I, that was you. And he goes, what? And I had to remind him what happened. He goes, oh my God, that was me. And I get a lot of former students always, always respond. I was such an idiot. I'm like, well, you were charming.

You were just young. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But it's like, I can see why. Cause it's like every few years there's like a sitcom that's a teacher. Like it's, it's an evergreen. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so this was, the book was the's an evergreen. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, so this was, uh, the book was the result of the journal. Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, and the, like the second you just have overflow, that's why.

Yeah. I've got another book's worth, right? I got like 400 pages worth of stories. Right. So just cause I've been keeping the blog, right. And I'd put it up and I was like, well, I might as well put it together. Students can buy for the teachers as gifts.

Yeah. And stuff like that on Amazon.com. There you go. In time for Christmas. So you came up with the marketing plan before you came up with the book idea? Let's see. We'll buy stuff. Well, people love buying stuff for their teachers.

Is that a thing? Because that's always a thing that's portrayed in movies or ads like buying a present for a teacher. Did that ever happen? Oh, it happens all the time. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Usually the Asian kids.

Yeah. Right. Will come up. I should be more specific. Korean kids in Vancouver. Okay. Love giving gifts. And I had one student and I was just subbing for a week.

And this is one Korean kid brought me lunch every day. After the first day. And Korean food. It was like a little bento box with Korean food. Then his mom personally delivered it on the last day. And I had to remind her, I'm not in charge of his grades. And then she was so disappointed. And she goes, can you talk to his teacher?

I'm like, it doesn't work this way. So it's sort of like, we's sort of like we respect you, but you know, come on. Yeah. Yeah. A little give back. Yeah.

Yeah. These are free lunches. What is that? Did I ever, maybe I think at the end of the year, we, we like the parents would send something to school with the kids. We was never like,

give your teacher an apple. Yeah. That never happened. Oh, the best one was at this one school, John Oliver, you know, it's,

it's in East Vancouver. And these kids that I taught, uh, it was a special ed class. And they're wonderful kids. And then... It's named after the British comedian? Yeah, yeah, of course. It's named after the Daily Show. Spinoff.

And then they got together and I guess they sent the one kid into the liquor store. And I guess they knew I liked whiskey. Okay. Because they're joking around with me and they go, sir, you strike me as a beer man. I'm like, no.

And they're like, yeah, you are. I go, okay. And then they, anyways, they found out I like whiskey.

They came back with this very peaty, expensive bottle of scotch and they all signed it. Oh, wow. And I was like, these kids, I'm like, I don't remember doing this for my teeth.

Like I wouldn't sneak into a liquor store. Yeah. And then get a bottle of scotch. Like if you're going to sneak into a liquor store, you would like for yourself. And they would call you on it because you're buying the cheapest thing. The funniest thing though is this group of grade 12s.

I'm like, so you guys all contributed to those seven of them? And then one of them took it upon herself to say how much they all contributed. Yeah, he only contributed $2. Wow. Yeah, I don contributed $2. Wow. Yeah, I don't think I ever did that.

I don't think I ever gave a gift to a teacher. I've never done that. I mean, I wrote a lot of love poems. Sonnets? Yeah. In lipstick on the mirror. Yeah. Of their car.

Yeah. I would always write something charming like, please leave your wife for me. And I would terrorize their family. Dead raccoon shows up in their mailbox. It's cute. It's a cute kid thing you do for your teacher. Honestly though, how many crushes have you had

on teachers? Oh boy, none. Really? Yeah, no, I was age appropriate. Even in elementary school, you didn't have a had on teachers? Oh boy, none. Really? Yeah. No, I was age appropriate. Even in elementary school, you didn't have a crush on any teacher. No, no, I don't.

I really don't think so. In elementary school, there was one teacher that I think every boy. Oh yeah. Yeah. It was an awakening. Yeah. I think that every school has that. I'm surprised you didn't have even like not crush,

maybe just lust. Oh yeah. Grade one lust. every school has that i'm surprised you didn't have even like not crush maybe just lust oh yeah like i nothing's coming to mind but like i might be completely wrong and someone will remind me uh dave what about that sexy janitor oh that doesn't count but it's so weird like i'm thinking of all my teachers and in elementary school like there's this one i i don't even know she was good looking but she was young enough that you were like hey and then it was literally almost senior citizens for the rest of my school career the funny the thing that's coming to mind Is a male teacher Whose name was Mr. Bell

And he wore bike shorts Because we did like You know Extracurricular track and field Or whatever Sure And so he would wear Like spandex shorts

And my friend joked Oh yeah they call him Mr. This is grade four They call him Mr. Bell Because he's got a big dong. And we laughed and we were like burn on him. Like we were too young to get that. That's something to be proud of. That's pretty good though.

It reminds me of grade five. We had a kid. I won't say his last name, but the new kid at our school named Jay. He was a big, you know, there's always that kid who gets chest hair before everyone else. You know, one of those kids,

grade five, this kid came at chest hair. We're like, this guy's weird. Then we had to go swimming. You said that to the class. We're all like, this guy's weird,

man. He's got chest hair. He's a man. What's a man doing? Anyways, and he's really shy, really nice guy. In hindsight,

all the girls had crushes on him. He was a good looking guy. We were in the, I just remember being in the change room getting ready for swimming. He took off his underwear. He had this huge slung. And all of us,

I led the charge. I pointed and I go, look at Jay's big dick. What a loser. And we picked on this guy for having a huge... I still have it in my head. He put a towel over it. He was really embarrassed by it.

And he went to the shower, and I'm still there like an asshole going, oh, look at you, careful. How big is your underwear? My only consolation... I thought you were telling this story as a teacher. it'll hump your underwear yeah my only consolation I thought you were telling

this story as a teacher I was like yeah I hope you changed the sex of him for the story yeah

he changed he was a girl with a huge vagina oh my god oh my god oh jeez but oh Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I still don't have chest hair. Yeah, me neither.

There's, yeah, there was always one guy that had not, maybe it was puberty, but, like, had, like, was just a man. Before every, like like way before everybody else isaac calette that was he was he looked like uh not only did he look like a man in like grade seven he looked like he was like could be in the army like he looked like that yeah like he didn't look like he didn't look like a young man like he looked like a man who's seen some shit we had a guy i think we just called him pubes but like this was in high school he was just he was just hairier than everyone else like we were all through puberty but he was dominating but he he wasn't a teen wolf, was he? Well, one night a month. But like, yeah, I remember because I'd always sass off at the gym teacher.

So he would always team me up with Isaac Callan for wrestling. You win. I would. I would. I'd just be like. Do what you will, Isaac Callan. My only consolation is Jay's walking around with the big

big schlong right now so I'm pretty sure he's over it yeah the bullying but that probably whenever came the time

that he first kind of showed it to a woman he like probably apologetic like sorry and then yeah

he probably thought and said damn Paul B but it's true anything that made you stand out was a liability Yeah. They probably thought it said Dan Paul B. But it's true. Anything that made you stand out was a liability. Even if it was Mr. Bell's giant dong. I'm not even sure it was. It was just like as a 10-year-old.

You don't see many bulges. but you don't see many bulges. But we were talking a couple of weeks ago about how weird it is. If you ever saw a teacher of yours outside of school. Yeah. And you've had that a lot. People like past students. Yeah.

And it's not just that, like, cause you know, I'm a comedian too. So I'm drinking with you guys. So students have seen me in an inebriated state. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. At a, at a, at a, cause I'm, you know, I'm not married. I don't have kids. I'm still going out. I'm still living my life. And so. So dogs don't need you to be home until like 11. So it's always weird. It's like, uh, you know, like a month ago I ran into someone in a,

in a club, not a club, a downtown. And it's a restaurant bar. And then they're like, yo, Mr. B. And they bought me some shots. It's like, I don't remember buying shots for my teacher. No, but I do remember smoking with one of my teachers. Really? Yeah. After school?

Like when you've graduated? No. No. Like just, it was, you know, like in high school, like one of the teachers was outside smoking and giving up the, you know, facade. Yeah. Oh. Yeah.

So like was just smoking. I don't, I don't run into too many, like I didn't run into too many students that were in high school when I'm out of school. Right. Right. It's always like the ones who've graduated and stuff. Yeah. I think I've run across a couple and they always, it always weirds me out. Yeah.

Like I'd be down Robson street downtown and they point, Mr. Bay, what are you doing? And it's always a typical, what are you doing? I thought you lived at the school. Yeah. Well, I'm not at my home either. Even if I lived at the school, I'd have to go out and get groceries. No, the cafeteria takes care of that.

Um, yeah, I would often think about that. I think maybe I constructed a narrative about one of our janitors living in the school. In the boiler room. Yeah. Yeah. I think maybe I made that up in my head when I was a kid. I'm like, yeah, I'm pretty sure this guy lives here. So I'm walking down Robson Street one time.

This is near Christmas. It was during the Christmas break And my best friend was visiting From out of town And we're walking side by side And from behind us We hear Mr. Bay

And right at that moment My friend just reached over And cut my ass I slapped it away I turned around And the student Was like this wide eyed And I just

Oh Mr. Bay What are you doing? I'm like I'm doing some shopping With my friend Okay later Later And my friend says This, later. Later. And my friend says, this is how rumors start.

I did it. Yeah, that is. That's exactly how rumors start. Oh, yeah. There were always mysterious teachers that you wondered about. Yes. Like it was any of your business. And like it mattered. But when you're a teenager.

Yeah, you got a lot of time to kill. Yeah, that's true. Dave, what's going on with you, man? Oh, boy. Nothing. The new thing in my life is, well, it's basically, it's baby stuff. Sure. We've discovered this new golden hour after dinner before baby bedtime that is just like baby freak out time and like in

a good way uh where we just take all the cushions off the couch yeah she just climbs up on the couch and basically jumps off and rolls around and it's the greatest yeah it's the highlight of the day yeah so she's doing some real cute squirming. Squirming. And it's like, it's right around the time when she's going to exhaust herself to fall asleep. Yeah. And she can't hurt herself because it's all cushioned. We've got it locked down right now.

Yeah. I just, I want her to stay this age forever. Oh, I know. What is this age? She's 18 years old. She is 14 months. 14 months. So she should be walking.

She's not. But she's jumping onto cushions. She can stand up and jump and fall off things. Do you think that she could walk, but she's just like, meh. Would you? I don't know. I'm a big fan of walking. Okay.

I walk everywhere. No, she gets pushed around like in a big fan of walking. Yeah, okay. I walk everywhere. No, she gets pushed around like in a carton. Not just pushed around. Stop pushing me around. And yeah, no, like it's, there was, Abby, I think went to some session, like there was an open session and there's always speakers who come and talk to moms. And one of them was like a physical therapist. And she was just like, oh yeah, your kid's not going to walk for a long time. Why? She's just, the way she crawled, it was like, oh yeah, I can tell this kid's not going to walk for a long time. Oh yeah.

But that doesn't mean anything for like adult coordination. No, no, no. Yeah. Does anything mean anything? No, no. Like, it's not like she'll never walk and it's not like that matters no no but do you know what i mean like well if she chokes a rabbit and laughs about it like that's something yeah yeah when she chokes a rabbit she's really sad about it but she she does choke a lot of rabbits but does anything mean like is there anything like because there's all these markers yeah oh they're supposed to do this by this age but like there are there are some things but by age 20 isn't everybody just in the same stew yeah uh but it's all like i think some of the windows are different like

uh you know if you walk at nine months or you walk at 18 months, whatever. Right. And like, if you have, you know, she's got way more teeth than anyone I know. Anyone, even grown up. What? Yeah. She's got 80 teeth. Oh, that's gross.

Yeah. She's got like a shark. Ugh. But yeah, no, I think there's certain things. Like I remember in high school people being like to the to the uh smaller kids being like hey if you don't hit puberty by the time you're 15 you should see a doctor just like other students taunting them like yeah what is a doctor gonna do well i'll give you your puberty shot they could there's hormones should hang around pubes more often. Yeah. Maybe some of his pheromones will rub off on you. Why don't you try wrestling with Graham's classmate?

Isaac. Isaac. Giant Isaac. Yeah, I don't, uh, uh, well, I don't know. I guess, yeah, if I didn't have to walk, I probably wouldn't. Yeah. If someone was going to push you around in a cart all day, a shopping cart. Yeah, I'm on the show Jackass.

Yeah, just push a shopping cart down a hill. I guess that sounds pretty good. So the golden hour, this is, what time of day are we talking about? We're talking from like six to seven. I'm going to come over one night just to check out Gold Now. Yeah, sure. Yeah. We had Alicia over the other night for that.

Yeah. For that very purpose. Oh, so this is like come in, see the show. Well, yeah. It's not like open call, but it's like, hey. It's like, you know, if you're in the neighborhood. Yeah, yeah. One at a time.

Yeah, yeah. It's like a pop-up restaurant. We in the neighborhood. Yeah, yeah. One at a time. Yeah, yeah. It's like a pop-up restaurant. We only have a small amount of space. Yeah. That's fun, man. Oh, yeah. Have you been to one of these pop-up restaurants? Where it's like a chef?

No, I've never been to anything that's a pop-up anything. Have you? Oh, well, I mean. Like a pop-up? Because I know there's like pop-up shops yeah i think i've probably been like some of them sometimes you don't even know you're gonna go to one and they just pop up oh yeah that's true but like what uh uh what's the difference between a pop-up shop and some guy just selling stuff on a towel out on the street nothing right there's

no difference i think a pop-up shop probably has some infrastructure. Like, they'll probably, like, have a kiosk in a bigger department store or something. But, like, isn't a pop-up shop, like, a temporary? Yeah. But, like, isn't that what a guy with a ponytail? But they have walls. And change. They probably can make change.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they probably have one of those wireless credit card readers. Oh, I got to get one of those. Sure. Just walk up to people, read their credit card. Yeah. I read credit cards and tarot cards. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. No, definitely this is a credit card. Yeah. I have a feeling this will expire in June of 2019. This is what I'm thinking. Paul, any pop-up shop experience? In Asia, I was just thinking in Asia, when I went to Korea last time,

it seemed like everything in Seoul was a pop-up shop. Really? It was a garage in the daytime. My favorite places to drink were not the restaurants or bars, but something called a pojung matcha. Okay. And it was sort of like, remember I took you drinking on Robson that one time? Yeah. And it was like, not the restaurants or bars, but something called a pojung matcha. Okay. And it was sort of like, remember I took you drinking on Robson that one time, right?

And it was like, you know, everyone comes around and shares drinks and stuff like that. So it's a garage in the daytime. Like a parking garage? No, no, no. Sorry. Mechanics. Mechanics.

Okay. And they would close up shop, open up, like sweep it out, mop it out, bring out these plastic tables, portable propane stoves on every table. And there now it's a restaurant bar. Wow. Every mechanic seemed to do that in downtown Seoul. So it's the mechanics

are actually running the No, I think the mechanics are running the zoo. Yeah, the mechanics go home or stay to drink and someone else rents their space. Wow. Right. And it's like, yeah, it's really cool. And they take over the sidewalk. And there's very little. That's fun.

It's fun. It's a lot of fun. This is why, like, Vancouver has the worst drinking laws. We are, like, so many steps back from ever being able to do that. Yeah. Oh, man. I just found out two years ago that, like, a restaurant like Earl's or Cactus Club or something, you can't, as a customer, if you're going to move tables,

carry your own beer across the restaurant. She goes, I'll get them. I'm like, no, no, you don't have to do that. She goes, no, no, I have to do. And she explained to me the rule. She carries it on her head. This is one of the rules. I've been in a place where they serve you a beer and you have to sit on a stool.

And if you don't know that, they will come, and you're walking around, they will come and put a stool underneath you. I've had someone push a chair, like push me into a chair. Like your feet aren't allowed to be on the ground while you drink. I'd be so tempted to think that's a buddy pranking me.

Yeah, yeah. Just pretend, just go up to that guy right there and push him a stool. And tell him the glass has to go on his head every five minutes. Well, I heard it was like, we had, we briefly had prohibition in Canada and then here in British Columbia, they just like law by law, like got rid of it, but haven't gotten rid of everything. And so there's weird sort of like, you can't have alcohol on a cabaret stage and you can't walk with it or.

But I like this. I like the idea of going into a garage and having to, Oh, definitely. We didn't finish your oil change, but you want to stick around for the drinks. Yeah. Yeah.

You come back in an hour. Yeah. This is, Oh yeah. I want, I want that. Like, I like the idea of like,

if you want to do it, yeah, just, just do it. Find someone who will give you your space. You could do it at night. Yeah. There's no,

there's no residents in the area. That's like, just a, it's just a, it's just a natural way to do things. Yeah. Cause I've always thought that when, uh, cause there's a couple areas here in town, especially down like, uh, kind of in second Avenue near main street. There's all these, well, I don't know what they are, office buildings and like, you know, mechanic shops and stuff.

And I'm like, boy, you could really throw some kind of party down here. Yeah. Wouldn't bother anybody. Yeah. Just do a couple of enterprising people, you know, just say here, here, here, here's a space for you. Do what you will. I, uh, years ago at, uh, just for laughs, uh, Doug Stanhope.

Yeah. Uh, he, uh, I guess he doesn't really like just for laughs. I guess he doesn't really like Just for Laughs. So he rented out like a car wash across the street from the Delta Hotel and threw like a free party in this car wash. And it was so much fun. And it was that same kind of thing. Like these guys that owned the car wash clearly did not know what they were getting into. But yeah, you were just drinking in a car wash but that was great because what's the difference between a car wash

yeah and a nightclub right it's just cement and yeah why oh like what is it about bars like how they're decorated that like is anyone doing it right yeah like yeah you could tell me this is a very very successfully uh you know renovated bar and i wouldn't know if it was a good bar yeah bad like if it's the like there's a sports bar that's got a clear aesthetic of like yeah where uh you know there's tvs on with sports and then a few jerseys on the wall. Sure. And then there's an Irish pub, which is Darkwood. Yeah. And then I've watched that show that's on.

Bar Rescue? Yeah, Bar Rescue. Have you ever seen that show? And he always does the, like, you know, that goes into a bar that's kind of shitty. And then he does the renovations. But he doesn't do like

they all just put like new laminate on the bar like they don't tear out the bar they just put like eh some new lights and stuff

and I'm like I don't know it was good before it's good it's all kind of shitty yeah it's like that like who cares the place you're going

to get drunk Rescue's a bit of an overstatement it's just a bar sprucing up. There's a, what is it? I forget what the name of the company is, but they always show ads for it and they will remodel your bathroom in a day.

And what they do is they go in, they take measurements and they may build a mold of your bathtub and your, whatever your sink. And they just basically like, just like put it over, put a yeah put a thin different color over top of what you already have well sure so it's it's like basically putting new clothes on your bathtub like a new 3d printed but i feel like that's what they do at bar rescue yeah it's It's like a bar-shaped cover. And they, you know, it's always like, I don't know.

It's the only one of those shows that I really enjoy watching. Because the bars all stay in business. Like, they're not like the cooking shows, like where they go to the restaurant and they renovate it. And then you find out, like, ah, it closed two months, like where they go to the restaurant and they renovate it. And then you find out like, ah, close two months later. Cause they're bars. They just stay in business. Cause, uh, people love getting drunk. Yeah. But, uh, there's a thing here.

They're like one of the laws they got rid of allowed people to have tasting rooms. So now there's a lot of like breweries that just serve, uh, uh, I mean, think think i think it's liquor in the front poker in the back i believe that's their terminology no they uh they they brew the beer back there and they serve it up front but they're not allowed to have kitchens so there's like a small industry of companies that just make bar food that they distribute to all of these breweries and so you can get like sausages and like like room temperature food basically yeah yeah and these uh um uh what are they they're like cheesy buns that the cheese overflows from the buns and gets burned and that's that's the best part of it there was a a comedy club that moved but it was a laugh line yeah and there

they used to like you'd order a pizza and i was like i always wondered i was like where the fuck are they getting these pizzas and it was across the street at a pizza place and they used to like put it out on a thing and then they just in the final kind of years of that location really just brought you the box. The illusions gone. It gave him a markup. Uh, yeah, I guess like,

I'm sure there was a markup. Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah. But I think they had to have that possibility on the menu in order to sell alcohol. Oh, right, right,

right. Like you had to possibly be able to order food. But then there was like this guy, and I don't think this guy sold pizzas to anybody else. Like he's just sitting there waiting for them to call. Comedy night. Because I remember going in there and like to order just to get a slice

and the guy was baffled. I've had that experience. Yeah. Right. Really? But it's only 6 PM. The show hasn't started yet. I've been to restaurants like that where they were not expecting like,

Oh, we are a front for the Vietnamese mafia. So, I mean, we'll serve you, but everyone here is going to smoke. What if he, you go to the, that pizza place, but he gets his pizza from another guy who wants the pizza over there? Oh, yeah. A little cottage industry.

What's going on with you, my friend? Well, this Friday, there was the art show. Yeah, the Hot Art Wet City The art show in celebration of our 400th episode Yeah Congratulations again Yeah, thanks You'll get there one day

I don't think there's 400 scary things to talk about Sure there are I don't know The Babadook Yeah Babadook 2 Yeah, and did you buy any art? Yes, you did Yeah, I did Babadook. Yeah. Babadook too. Yeah, and did you buy any art?

Yes, you did. Yeah, I did. I bought, there was a picture of me doing the laugh gallery. And then there was a drawing of a bunch of different Vancouver comedians. And then Alicia Tobin did a thing of Wilderness Man. Oh. I bought that. And you bought. I bought one that was a depiction of that SNL sketch with the male synchronized swimmers with Martin Short and Harry Shearer.

And then there was one I bought of a cartoon of a paper airplane. uh cartoon of uh uh paper airplane and it's it was your idea and it was being thrown into the internet which was depicted as a bunch of flames so that was fun yeah it was fun it was uh it was a neat thing to hang out and uh just uh you know there was a lot of people who listened to the show and people who did the art and so it was a fun mix of people. And I think it was during the, like, culture crawl. Oh, yeah. There were just also randoms.

Yeah. There was a guy wearing a vest made of Lego. Yep. And a helmet made of Lego. Yeah, and a helmet. He was, like, in a full. He's a local artist that he, like like wears outfits made out of Lego. That can't be.

How does he sit? Because if a picture is just stabbing, it would feel like stabbing all the time when you try to sit. He was standing the whole time. Yeah. Okay. He thought this through. Yeah. And yeah, he can't stand close to any other people who are dressed in Lego.

That's. Because they'll walk together. Yeah. That's what that song don't stand so close to me. It's about young Lego. The guy with a duplo vest and hat. Keep going. Wet bus stop.

He's covered in a bunch of Lego stuff. More? I mean, I'm not, I'm not going to stop you. So, yeah, that was a lot of fun. Yeah. I finally saw at the art gallery that they sell, the owner has, his dad, I guess, gave him, or like had this old collection of Playboys. Yeah, he had like a subscription to playboy magazine starting in the mid 60s mid 60s so so wow every every issue is just five dollars and there was it was like

i we were just having conversations with people and like going through kind of like what is an 80s playboy gonna be i was like tan lines yes there they are yo like that was done on purpose like tan lines was yeah it was a thing and then the 90s was like fake boobs yeah right yeah and uh the the ones from the 60s are very like there's almost no naked women in them like there's a couple pages and then the rest is just like essays and interviews and like the you know bikinied women then no no the women are naked they're just fewer yeah they're just it wasn't that wasn't like like it was the cover and then there was the centerfold and then a couple of

pages and then the rest is all just like Howard Cosell yeah I bought a stack of those because I like Steve Martin's like he was regularly interviewed in them

and I bought one that had the Smothers Brothers interviewed in them. The Smobros? Yeah. You know who I'm talking about. Yeah, Smobros, for sure. And then the other night I was bored and I was at home.

Should have come over for crazy baby hour. Well, I didn't know. I'm just finding out about this now. Well, I'll put a, you know what? If you use the right hashtag, I'll put it up on my Instagram for a baby, baby crazy pop-up shop. Um, I was, uh, uh, like instead of watching the many, many series that people are recommending that I watched. And I,

I know there's tons of great series out right now that, uh, and I had a couple hours to kill, could have really, really got into one of these series. But instead I spent two hours, uh, scouring the internet,

looking for different versions of, uh, we didn't start the fire. Like, well, what do you mean different versions? Covers? Well, I was wondering if somebody did, like, an updated version that would have, because his, when did that come out? 92? 90, maybe.

Yeah, 91. So, like, there's a guy who did everything starting from then till present day. Oh, so it's their new lyrics about... About stuff, but it's the same song. And then, man, there are hundreds of them. Oh, so it's like current events. Like, there's a man, Lego vest. He's got a Lego vest.

I don't even want to say we didn't something. Yeah, there's and my favorite one was a guy did one about his buddies and what a great year they had together

aww I saw that one yeah that was fantastic well I posted it on Twitter oh yeah that's why I saw it yeah yeah

and it was fantastic it was fantastic what year was it it was last last year oh that was a year was it? It was last year, 2000. Oh, that was a good year for those guys. Yeah. But it's like, they had a fucking great year. Yeah, what happened?

Well, they went to all sorts of great concerts. Jonathan caught a fish, and ate a fish. Ate a fish. Ate a fish. Cooked a fish and ate a fish was this written by dr zeus um uh they went to skrillex oh wow good year yeah they were fishing they were fishing they were on the beach guy who's into skrillex does a billy joel cover know. But this was made just for his buddies. Like, it only has

about 24 views. Well, it's blowing up now. And he's, like, not just done the lyrics, he's also edited in all the photos and it's all timed out perfectly. Is it the same?

What's the chorus? We didn't start the chorus. That is the one comment you two clip is hey really didn't try with the chorus just wanted to

comment did you start a fire no no no it wasn't us that was actually their alibi in an arson case

we were at a different place there is not an arson case. We were in a different place. There is not an arson case. We didn't start that fire. But yeah, you know, you could have written, we had an awesome summer. These are the possibilities. But yeah, he just, but he still put in a lot of work. A lot more. I've never done anything like that.

If my friends ever did that, like seriously, if one of my friends ever did that i'd be a little creeped out really yeah i'd be like by one of my buddies i said hey paula as well that you know how much you mean to me you didn't start and if he stood there like smiling like uh and i'm watching this video maybe it's that image i have in my head that's the worst that's probably the image is like i want to show you this video oh send it to me no i want to watch it with you yeah yeah and we discovered his giant dong yeah but uh uh and it's all inside jokes that's the other thing too is uh so like someone's grad comment on their yearbook anyways i ended up watching that one several times but yeah i was surprised that there's a whole kind of sub-genre of people remaking we didn't start the fire to be about and it's not just updated versions there's ones that are about of course there's ones about

star wars and all sorts of like sci-fi stuff that just runs through the whole catalog of that. And then there's just straight up wacky parody versions. I didn't realize this song had such a... So it makes me think, what other songs are out there that people have done, like do this, like in culture, like have been expanded? I don't know. Like, that one lends itself. Yeah, it's usually whatever the big hit is at the time. Yeah.

Because there's, like, what was the one? Oh, when Timber came out, the Pitbull and Kesha song. Mr. Worldwide. There were Tinder covers by everyone but this is this is an old song that people are still using yeah

like this is I don't I don't know that there's another song that's like that's like it because it's the only song I can think of

that's just like a list of things yeah that then like anybody once you you know once you know how it goes,

you could just add in. Yeah, yeah. Customize it. Yeah, yeah. But there's, yeah, there's hundreds of them. And I don't know why I started. I don't know what started that fire. Who started the fire in the original song?

Not us. Not us. But what is it saying? That we adopted a fire. And who's we? His generation? No,

somebody posted pictures of a fire that needed adopting. No, yeah, it's him talking about his generation and all the crazy shit. Hey, baby boomers, look at all this crazy stuff we accomplished.

But remember, we didn't start this. But nobody can remember any of it. What's the other one? There's another, is it an R.E.M. song that has a lot of crazy crap in it? Oh, End of the World, as we know it. Is that another one? Yeah, that's got crazy crap in it, yeah. So that one probably has a lot of derivatives.

I gotta go look now. Yeah, yeah. I know what I'm doing after this. But it's not, I don't know if it's, well, like American Pie, it's like telling the history of rock and roll from the time that Buddy Holly died. Right. With a bunch of metaphors, but that's one that is like a historical document as well. But do you think that that, you couldn't insert. I don't even know how that, R.E.M. song.

That's great. It starts with an earthquake, birds, snakes, and airplanes. Lenny Bruce is not afraid. They're just things? Well, yeah. They're scenes. Leonid Brezhnev and Lenny Bruce. Lenny Bruce figures prominently in it.

And then, yeah, in the We Didn't Start the Fire, the only thing I can remember is JFK blown away. What else do I have to say? That's the only thing anybody, or Babies of the Little Mind. Those are the two. But anyway, so if you have the internet at your disposal yeah or if you have a microphone why don't you record your own oh yeah oh we should have done that for episode 500 we'll do a version oh that'll be so much fun paul bay blown away

i uh we have two two years to work on this yeah Yeah, and I'll send a message to the guy who made that one for his friends. Hey, I like your work on that one. Can you do this for us? Well, we're gonna hire... We'll get you tickets to Skrillex. Do we want to move on to Overheard? Sure. Let's be honest.

We live in a world with too much media. You need a podcast on the front lines figuring out what's great. We're here for you. We're Pop Rocket. I am Guy Branum. I'm a comedian.

I'm Wynter Mitchell. I call myself a digital strategist. I'm Oliver Wang, academic and disc junkie. Margaret Wappler, je suis as journalist. And we watch,

listen to, and read everything so that you don't have to. And then we tell you about all the things that you'll love to love. Find us in iTunes or wherever you download podcasts.

Pop Rocket. Every Wednesday from MaximumFun.org. Hey, I'm Erin Gibson. I'm Brian Safi. And we host Throwing Shade, a weekly look at all the issues that are important

to ladies and gays and anybody else who cares about that stuff. And we, uh, and we make, we make funnies. Yeah. Either you care or you don't. Overheard. Overheard.

A segment in which we hear the things, then we say the things. So you hear the things. And we always the things, so you hear the things. And we always like to start with the guest. You came ready. Yeah, I came ready. This one was at West Vancouver Whole Foods. And I went in there because I needed some dog food on the way home. So, and your dogs are very particular.

They're very particular. Grew up in Yaletown. Oh, yes. Yeah. So, I go into Whole Foods, which it was my first time in that one. And I went to the vegetable section. And these two women are there. And I walked into the middle and one said to the other one,

oh, my mom has a great Bundt cake recipe. And the other one goes, you know what they say about people who like Bundt cake? And then she said, what? And then she sort of stumbled and went, oh, no, no, I said it wrong. And no, but then she was, oh, then they started talking and moving away from me. So I followed them. Yeah. For like a good, you know, almost five minutes to try to hear the rest of the story.

And I couldn't really make it out. Well, what do they say about people who like Bundt cake? Yeah. And it was, it was nothing. They just moved on to another direction. Maybe she's, yeah, mixed it up in the wrong way. Yeah. You know what they say about happy marriage.

Lots of Bundt cake. I know, I mixed it up. Yeah, I fucked it up. Anyways. Any theories? No, I just remember because Lanny was waiting for me at the front. And she's like, what took you so long? You just needed that. And then I just said, oh front. And she's like, what took you so long? You just needed that.

And then I just said, oh, there's two. Also, what is Bundt cake? Is it like a spongy cake? No, that's sponge cake. Is it like an angel food? No, that's angel food. You should know. You know a lot about cake.

I don't like cake. What? I'm not a cake fan. This is news to me. I'm a pie man. Oh, yeah, you're a pie man. Give me pie, give me ice cream. Cake is what we give children.

Um, yeah, I don't know. I don't know anything about cake. Is a Bundt cake the one in a circle? Yeah, I think the circle has got like a hole in the center. Yeah. I think. That's a donut. You're thinking of a donut.

Yeah. It's like a big donut. Ooh. What's his character? Say donut. Donut. That's the character. Okay.

He likes donuts. I guess so. Dave, do you have one over here? Mine also happened at Whole Foods. The one on 8th and Camby. So a lesser Whole Foods? Well, yeah, I guess so. The West Vancouver Whole Foods.

I've never been, but I assume that is like the center of privilege. I don't think I've ever been to West Van, period. I don't think I've ever been. You've been through it, I'm sure, to going to the ferry. Going to the ferry, yeah. But I've never been to it. Like I've never gone to a place in West Van. I, it's- Or maybe, have I? I don't know. I've never been to it. Like I've never gone to a place in West. I it's.

Or maybe have I? I've never, I've never understood. Like you, they have beautiful houses and it's like the, the, the richest part of Vancouver. Yeah. But I never understood why you would want to be like, you still have to commute to the city. It's so far away. And yeah. It's the view.

Yeah. The view the view. Yeah. The view is staggering. Like there's a trail I like to take my dogs on there. And it's funny when I drive up there, every fifth house has a for sale sign. Oh really? And you know, you always hear about this,

but it wasn't until I found this trail that is like, oh crap, this is true. These, like one fifth of the neighborhood is for sale. And these mansions. Yeah. Right.

And I've seen for sale signs on this one house. It's been up for like five months, this mansion. It's got to be like a $10 million mansion. Huh. And it's got a, he's got a staggering, but it's like out of the eighties.

It's like, I always think of Axel Foley. Oh yeah. It's got a fountain. Right. It's got the, it's got the cherubs holding up. Oh yeah.

I'm like, oh, this is, it's probably $10 million and you got to redo the whole thing. Well, unless you are Scarface. That's the one, that's the crazy thing. Cause mansions really have changed with the eras. Like a nineties mansion would be, you wouldn't, you know, it'd be like a lot of, what would a 90s mansion be?

A lot of pastels? Yeah. A lot of columns. Sure. Yeah, think of the house from Clueless. Yeah. I'm thinking of the house that the Philip Banks owned. You didn't see much of it, though.

Yeah, that's true. But there were columns, definitely columns. Oh, a lot of glass brick. Oh, yeah. That's 80s as well. Was that 80s? Let's both. But there were columns, definitely columns. Oh, a lot of glass brick. I'm guessing. Oh, yeah. That's 80s as well. Was that 80s? That's both. Yeah.

When we were at the theater last night, the debaters had glass brick. And I was like, must have been built in the 80s. Yeah, yeah. Nope, 60s or 70s. 60s. Last year, Lanny and I, we like this thing where we go to these expensive open houses and pretend we can afford it just to look at these houses. Yeah, just use the bathroom.

Man, we saw this one. It was like a huge, it looked like a nice university library, this house. It was only a two bedroom, but it was like 4,000 square feet. Wow. And it was an open concept bedroom

so you could hear what's going on in the kitchen, but it's 4,000 square feet. Yeah. So it's like, it's obviously this guy with a ton of money and he just wanted, like he's hardly got any furniture, so it's for throwing parties.

But he had a rare book collection downstairs. So the agent's showing us this, I've never seen a personal rare book like shuffling, like it was mounted to the wall and it's shuffled like folders. Oh wow. On hydraulics. And it was like you could do it with

one finger, but it's holding like hundreds of pounds of books. Hundreds of Grishams. And I said, but it's holding like hundreds of pounds of books. Hundreds of Grishams. Yeah. And I said, oh, I'll think about it. Yeah. Hmm. Hmm.

I mean, I like it. I was once in Ottawa and the guy who started Corel, like Corel Draw. Oh. He has a huge mansion that I think is like copper. Like it's, it's literally like, uh, like that bronze color and it's made of metal. It just smells like a penny everywhere you go. And I think he just has, I don't think he has a family and it's like enormous and a one bedroom.

That's definitely nineties then. Yeah. I'm guessing anyone, anyone who made their money off of Corel Draw or Word Perfect owes it to the guy. My neighbor's a guy from Encarta. Oh, yeah. The guy from the cover of Encarta? Yeah. Abe Lincoln? Anyway, so I was at Whole Foods and a woman was, I don't even know what the product in

question was, but there was a customer and this guy who worked there and an employee, if you will. And he was pointing out they have two versions of this product. We have this organic version and we have this craft version, which is weird for us because we don't usually carry craft because they're like a big corporation. I mean, we're a big corporation. Well, not me, but whatever. You know what I mean. Not me. Well, I'm part of it.

But you know what I mean. Was it a macaroni and cheese? Yeah, it was Kraft Dinner. That's all I know that Kraft, I know they're a huge company, but that's the only thing that springs to mind. Oh, they make a mean peanut butter. Oh, yeah. And also those little caramels that individually wrapped.

Oh, yeah. No. Yeah. Kraft, I think I'm surprised that Whole Foods would have it because they're like, well, like Kraft is like I considered evil, I think, by some people. I think by some people, I know when I read, uh, they had like, you sometimes, uh, uh, performers, writers will, will get leaked and it'll be like, you know, we need to have the, you know, this kind of dip for our vegetable plate. Uh, I remember the, uh, Indigo girls, their stipulation was no craft. Oh, really?

Oh, um, well, there you go. Yeah. You heard it here first. My overheard comes courtesy of being in the lineup at a IGA. A lesser grocery store. A lesser grocery store for sure. Oh, well, I also have to say, because Paul was just going for dog food. I was just going to get some ground sure. Oh, well, I also have to say, because Paul was just going for dog food. I was just going to get some ground lamb.

Oh, okay. Because I feel like when you go to Whole Foods, you have to say, I wasn't doing my whole shop there. Just getting one thing and maybe like a nice looking cookie. This is what, speaking of, that's what I was buying at IGA. They have these, they're just, I mean, they're probably just garbage, you know, but they taste really good. These Christmas cookies that are shaped like bells and Christmas trees. Are they like a shortbread or gingerbread or sugar cookies? I don't know.

They're just like chemical, bunch of chemicals. Sure. Shaped like a bell. Sounds delicious. With a bunch of sprinkles on them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was just buying a bell. Sounds delicious. Yeah, yeah. With a bunch of sprinkles on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was just buying a huge bag of those. And so that's what I was.

That was my one item. And then I went to a more down market for the rest of my career. But there were two girls behind me in line, and they were talking about the tabloids. There's two girls behind me in line and they were talking about the tabloids. And we were in line for a long time because I heard their whole conversation. They were talking about how hard it would be to be a celebrity because all these everything from your past is like, you know, served up as part of that's just part. Everything in your life is for public consumption. And the one girl said,

yeah, I don't think I'd be a good celebrity. And her friend said, yeah, cause you were a bitch in high school. I don't think that's, that never really comes back. So, and so was a Sophia forgot bitch in high school.

But, you know, it's, um, I, well, I guess it would come, you know, if it was a slow, slow period. Yeah, I heard she wasn't nice. I'd be so tempted to like, I'd have to look at that person that was, that is the bitch, like the one who was accused of being a bitch in high school. I'd have to look at her face. Oh, I did.

Yeah. And yeah, I could see it sure um but yeah the uh i i don't know what it was it was maybe a kardashian article something like that oh man but they were just really it wasn't the way they were talking about it wasn't like oh it would be would be weird. They were like, if this ever happens to us. Yeah. When it happens. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, it would be, get tiresome for the Kardashians that people keep bringing up their past when they have so many other accomplishments.

That's true. We want to talk about our new projects. We're taking Miami. Being a bitch now. Yeah. Now, we also have overheards that have been sent in to us from around the world. If you want to send one in to us, you can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org. And this first one comes to us from James in New Orleans.

New Orleans. Ever been? Yeah. Big, easy. Yeah. You ever been? No, but I learned how to make a New Orleans jambalaya recently, and it's kick ass. What is that?

Send me the recipe. I'll send you the recipe. I'll send you the YouTube video where I learned it from. Oh, cool. Do they do it to the tune of We Didn't Start the Fire? Yeah, they do. First you take some onions, then you take some sausage, then you put it in the stew. It would make it easier to remember the recipe.

Yeah. Also, what's a jambalaya? It's like a fish. A lot of fish things. It's like a, what's a big Spanish dish? A huge. Paella? It's like paella, but a bit soupier.

Right. And it's a. You cook rice in it? Yeah. Oh. Yeah. And I said, the secret is to like, once you've cooked up the onions and the, and the pork fat and stuff, you fry up the rice before you add water.

Yeah. Or you toast the rice in there. Oh man, it gets nice and smoky. And you throw in some tomatoes afterwards and oh, I'm getting hungry. I'm starting to fade. So this is a, while leaving a bar during a Mardi Gras parade, a man is stopped at the door

by the door lady and asked for his ID. He says, wait, I have to show it again? I thought we connected last time. She replies, oh really? I don't remember that at all. And held out her hand for his ID. Oh, shut down. Yeah.

On two regards. Regards? Yeah. Well, you know, he was hoping that they had a moment. Yeah, you know, he was hoping that. They had a moment. Yeah, maybe she was the one. You were working the door at a club. I sort of vacillate. Is that the right word?

We'll find out. Between two things of like being super forgettable and being super memorable. Like sometimes someone I've met, you know, two or three times, I'll see them and I'll like make eye contact and wave and they will not know who I am. And then sometimes like someone who I don't even know will come up and be like, Dave, how have you been? Yeah.

But imagine if you worked the door in a nightclub. Oh, boy. How many people you'd meet in a night like that would be weird too because then you'd people would be looking at you because i knew that like when i used to work in a coffee shop people would look at me and they wouldn't know where they knew me from but they they knew that they knew my face from somewhere you know what i mean like because you see the person all the time. Yeah. Do you know anyone who's a twin?

Yeah. And then, and like, you don't necessarily know, like, you know one of the twins much better than the other one. You've maybe met the other twin, and then it's kind of awkward anytime you run into them. It's really weird to get to know one person and then find out they have a twin and then you have to kill them yeah yeah and it yeah it throws off your whole murder plot yeah

well i was planning on killing him but but you know you'll do in a pinch i mean you'll scratch that itch i just want to kill someone who looks like you You've got a really killable face This next one comes from Nathan P Parts unknown Well he's at a burger joint So picture a burger joint I was with my wife at a burger joint And the table next to us was

Full of boys who just got done With a baseball game One of the boys suddenly exclaimed loudly to another, how many farts are in you? Is your body half air? Pretty good. Oh, yeah. I mean, chemically speaking.

We're mostly water. Yes. Yeah. But water is, got oxygen in it. Yeah, that's true. Which is also an air. Yeah. Also hydrogen might be an air.

I don't know. Yeah. Isn't air like, it's a, like a real stew. Yeah. It's a real jambalaya. Yeah. It's like a chemical smoothie. It's like a gas smoothie.

Those kids are pretty tolerant to all be sitting there while this one kid's farting. They didn't abandon the booth? I feel like as a younger man, I had a greater tolerance for it. Those kids are pretty tolerant to all be sitting there while this one kid's farting. They didn't abandon the booth? I feel like as a younger man, I had a greater tolerance for it. Like a guy could just rip one off and just sit there. Yeah, and I would think it was funny. Now it's not funny at all. Get out of my car.

You were not friends anymore. This is the greatest betrayal I've ever known. It's still a really well-timed one. It's worth its weight in gold. What does it weigh? I don't know.

21 grams. That's probably the only joke I could think of was that it was like pre-verbal man. Like we're making each other laugh

but before we could speak we're farting and making each other laugh. It's probably the original joke. You couldn't even tell a story. You're all gathered around the cave and everyone's like, your turn. Tell that good one. Or just with your eyes, you're telling him, do that thing.

He just rips one. Everyone's like, oh, that was a great night. Yeah, check out what Egan did. As someone who is familiar with a lot of pre-verbal people now that I have a baby. Oh, yeah. It's a big thing in babydom. I'm like, just they look over at you and give you a little smile afterwards. It's always a closer.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This last one comes from Crystal in Regina, Saskatchewan. A little while ago, I was waiting to catch a flight at an ungodly time of the morning around 4.30 or 5 a.m. Everyone at our gate was in total zombie mode and quietly reading or fiddling with their phones. Suddenly, from out of nowhere, we all heard a kid yell across the room, Red alert, Dad! We're out of orange juice!

What a nerd. Yeah, well, you raised a nerd. Yeah. Red alert, Dad. Oh, did he do a robot voice? You gotta assume intruder alert oh boy I like that

it's funny if they imagine an 18 year old kid yeah just thanks to his dad how old was this kid we're not 18 I don't know

how old the kid was oh yeah he's 18 rant alert rant alert dad we are out of orange juice. Oh, I'm moving in for a kiss. Daddy. In addition to overheard...

Daddy. In addition to... Please wait a second. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you would like to call us, our phone number is 206-339-838-28

206-339-838-28 Like these people have. Moving in for a kiss. Daddy. Yeah, well, in this conversation, he's still with his dad. Oh, boy. That kid's not getting a date.

Moving in for a date. No. Moving in for a kiss, daddy. Oh, boy. Okay. Phone calls. I gave the number while you guys were choking. Hey, Dave and Graham, Impossible Guests. This is Pat from New York.

I have the greatest overheard ever. I see. I was at Rite Aid standing in line and there was a girl in front of me, a six-year-old girl with her mom, and she is touching every single individually wrapped lollipop in this display. And she's just going down the line, just grabbing each one, going, mommy, can I have this one? Mommy, can I have this one? And her mom keeps saying no. And she starts screaming, I'll be a nice person. I'll be a this one? And her mom keeps saying no. And she starts screaming, I'll be a nice person. I'll be a nice person. And her mom just ignores her. So they keep moving

down the candy aisle and she is just grabbing each thing and each time. Mom, can I have this? And at this point, her mom is just ignoring her. Meanwhile, that song that goes, this is going to be the best day of my life is playing. And when it gets to the chorus and they sing that, she goes, no, it's not. Oh, man. I heard about a grocery store somewhere in the states that has a checkout line specifically for parents with little kids that doesn't doesn't have any candy any things that kids would go crazy for it's like especially like if you have a little kid, this is your checkout. Oh. Yeah. They should just go to Whole Foods because they're- Their candy is all-

It's all yoga magazines and like vermin. Mints from Vermont. It wouldn't matter. As a kid, you're like, I want vermin. Give me vermin. Or like gum that has no elasticity. Yeah. Just some weird sphagnum.

Yeah, it's just anything. Anything candy related. That's all it was about. I remember there was like a gumball machine at Canadian Tire, and I remember like if we were going to Canadian Tire, I was like, got to hit that gumball machine on the way out. Well, it's good to keep busy as a kid. That's true.

All right, here's your next phone call. Hey, Dave Graham and probable guest. This is Matthew from Seattle. I was walking down Robson Street in Vancouver yesterday, and I heard a guy say very earnestly, oh, she's not Asian, she's white. She just has an Asian hairstyle right now. What's that mean? Well, just has an Asian hairstyle right now. What's that mean?

Well, what's an Asian hairstyle? One of those ponytails with like a chopstick through it. Oh yeah, I guess that's, yeah, that would be the OG. I mean, why don't we ask Paul? Yeah, the Asian hairstyle, well, this is it. I don't know, but for some reason in my head, I'm picturing like severe bangs and long black hair. Oh, sure.

But that could also be the like, like Pulp Fiction. Yeah. Right? That's true. Oh, she's Asian. No, no, no, Dave. Oh, she just has an Asian hairstyle. Uma Thurman?

Yeah. Huh. Yeah. What kind of name is Uma? I always thought Asian. Yeah. No, no. No, you're thinking Umami

Ah, yes Mmm What is that, eel? Yeah No I don't know What is Umami? I thought it was

It's a flavor It's a flavor Oh, I'm thinking of Unagi Unagi Ah Shame on me Oh, I don't know You know

I also might be wrong about Unagi Here's your final overheard of 2015 Maybe Hi, David and Graham and whoever else This is your friendly neighborhood Tesla know you know well i also might be wrong about it now here's your final overheard of 2015 maybe hi david and graham and whoever else this is your friendly neighborhood tesla calling from vancouver so there was a little girl in a store with her mom and me and the little girl had a pair of earmuffs on she had picked up from a table and they were way too big for her head already so it was already adorable and she goes hey mom and her mom turns and i turn even though it wasn't her mom her mom goes what and she goes look at my snow headphones

pretty cute yeah i feel like that's maybe there's probably a language where they translate your mustache no headphones no headphones sure yeah that's cute, there's probably a language where they translate earmuffs to snow headphones. Snow headphones, sure. Yeah, that's cute. Yeah. Kids are cute. Yeah, keep it up, kids. Earmuffs are... Earmuffs?

Sorry, I have a very bad cold. I'm surprised I've gotten through this much of the show. Yeah, are you half air? Yeah. See? Well, that brings us to the end of this episode Sure Paul do you have anything that you would like to plug Tell people where they can hear you

Oh yeah you can go to Theblacktapespodcast.com And we finished season one What is it for people who don't know It's like if you took serial the podcast And mix it with X-Files. Yeah, it's spooky. Yeah, it's spooky.

And we have season two launching in mid-January. So use this time right now in November, December to catch up. Catch up, yeah. And do you get a lot of people telling you, like, I listened to this. Under the covers? Yeah, by myself and just try and spook myself out or where

we get a lot of like jokingly like hey screw you guys I was at work late and then episode 4 came with the upside down face

and I didn't I had to go home through the elevator and it's it's one of those things if you're listening by yourself it could really screw with your head

yeah cause it's not like it's not a jump scare type of thing. Yeah. But, you know. Ah! Dave! Oh, my God.

My partner, Terry, is just brilliant at the sound design. And so, just, you know, you put your headphones on, you listen to this thing. Oh, great. You just did that part.

Yeah. You know, we feel like I could put a stereo pan on it i'm not gonna see this is me mixing two different parts of the show yeah mashup um but yeah like you get people uh saying like i like is it is it best to listen to it in a spooky kind of by yourself? Would you recommend? I would recommend that. If you want to just get totally immersed into it. Yeah. Yeah, just put that on.

And if you have a paranormal event to report, because we've got hundreds now. Oh, wow. Go to thestrandinstitute.com. Write us your paranormal event. And we might read it on a podcast or put it out in a newsletter. Oh, that's so cool. There's so many people who've experienced like weird,

weird shit. Yeah. And it's, uh, you know, it's, it's a Terry now read it together and it's like, we're like,

Ooh, look at this thing here. Wow. Stuff that we haven't even heard of. Right. So it's, uh, it's,

it's, it's a little freaky. So if you got a freaky thing. Yeah. Write it in. That's a, is that a line from the Ghostbusters song? You got a freaky thing. There it in. Is that a line from the Ghostbusters song? You got a freaky thing.

Who you gonna call Ghostbusters? I do a version of the Ghostbusters theme song that doesn't steal from Huey Lewis. Do we have anything to plug? Oh, is this week... When does this bad boy come out? Give me a moment. Yes! We'll be at the Fox Theatre

this weekend with Dollop on December 12th. The Dollop podcast invades Canada. Oh no! Featuring us. And then... And then, you know... Happy holidays. Enjoy your advent calendars. Yeah,, you know, happy holidays. Enjoy your Advent calendars.

Yeah. Do you have an Advent calendar? No. I thought you were pro them. Oh, yeah. But I haven't had one in years. I think they're fun. Yeah, they are fun.

Well, your birthday's coming up. It sure is. First day of Advent. And if you like the show, head over to maximum fun.org check out the blog recap pictures and videos related to the content of this podcast that we didn't start the fire oh yeah sure um what else did we talk about uh is it gonna be the best day of my life yeah yeah that kind of thing that kind of stuff maybe a jambalaya recipe oh yeah, gimme it

gimme it and if you like the show tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.