Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 412 - Sunee Dhaliwal

Episode Date: February 8, 2016

Comedian Sunee Dhaliwal returns to talk about visiting India, Antiques Roadshow, and a ferry boat ride.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 412 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's more urban than you might think, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, I'm Keith. Yeah, you're real Keith urban.

I've reached Keith levels of urbanity. Is he the one that's dating Gwen Stefani? No, that is not me. Chase. Chase Utley. No. Chase Utley. Gwen Stefani? No, that is Chase Chase Utley Chase Utley Jump Jump Freely

Jump Buttleworth No, it is That's Brooks And Dunn Chunks Crawley That's Florida Georgia Line No, the one dating

Gwen Stefani Is Bartleby uh it's the guy from the voice she they it's like bronzer they literally sit next to each other and that's how they began dating yeah they started playing footsie yeah they were passing notes hey what do you think of pharrell yeah and she said she said, if you like it, put a toe ring on it, because they were doing footsie first, and then they worked their way up. That's not her song. That's not her song.

I know. I know, but they were playing footsie, so it worked. But yeah, they were passing notes. And his name is? Oh, that guy's name? Yeah, Crunch. Crunch? Butlerton.

Oh, but the guy you're talking about is Cramp? Yeah, Crunch. Crunch. Butlerton. Oh, but the guy you're talking about. It's Cramp. Yeah, Cramp. Riddle. Will Frost. Ritter Sport. Oh, well, I guess whatever. But no, Kenny Chesney, he's with someone.

Oh, who's Kenny Chesney? Keith Urban was the guy we were talking about. Keith Urban is with Nicole Kidman. Ah. Kenny Chesney? Keith Urban Keith Urban Is with Nicole Kidman Ah Kenny Chesney Is with Renee Zellweger Oh

Okay Good for them Sure That might be fake I don't think that's real Do you Watch The Voice? No

Do you know who we're talking about? I know exactly who you're talking about Wait let me introduce him first That is Bananas Okay That's what you should say Yeah This is our guest, returning guest to the podcast, very funny comedian, Mr. Sonny Dollywall is here. Hi, everybody. Hi, Sonny.

Hey, guys. Do you know who's dating Gwen Stefani? I just found out. I had no idea. What's his name? Do you find out from us not knowing? No. Oh, okay. So that's not true. No, that's true. No, it is true. We just don't know his name. We just don't know his name. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I have no idea what his name is. He's the other guy, like in that Seinfeld episode. He's not Pharrell. He's not Gwen Stefani. It's Jose Carreras from the 310ers.

Is it Chase Crawford? Nope. That's a guy from Gossip Girl. I want to not look it up. Yeah, don't look it up. So if anyone knows the name of this country music guy dating gwen stefani bort uh bladderflend the our policy is you can only tell us in skywriting skywriting hire a skywriter and then tell us who it is that would be dope yeah that's why we encourage it uh should we get to know us yeah get to know us and Yeah. Get to know us.

And he was dating, he was married to Miranda Lambert or Casey Musgraves or Shallowgrave McGillicuddy. Yeah, Shallowgrave McGillicuddy from the, yeah, the Shallowgrave McGillicuddy. Hi, Sonny. Sonny, when you were here last, it was many years ago. Yes. And what I remember is you raced over here from an hour away between a wedding ceremony and a wedding reception. Oh, wow. Yeah.

Yes. That is true. That happened. That happened. And so you were maybe our best dressed guest ever. Oh, yeah. Regardless, I'm going to be the best dressed. But you were like in a tie.

You were like the dressiest guest. Yes. Okay. All right. Yeah. That's. Yeah. And we've had Paul F. Tompkins on this podcast.

Yeah. He probably wore a coat. He wore several. Yeah. He would just take one off. Yeah. And you're like, oh, wow. Oh, somebody came to play.

Well, he doesn't have to pack when he travels that way. Yeah, that's true. He's all carry on. He only shows up with just a toothbrush and he wears everything else. Now, Sonny, you just came back from a crazy, you went on a crazy trip. It was wild. Was the guy's name Trip? Trip Tickleton. Tickletonston.

Yeah, it's Trip Tickletonston and Gwen Stefani. Yeah, he's a great judge. What do you think, Trip? Yeah. I'll rise for Judge Tickletonston. Do you have to rise for these judges? Oh, yeah. When their chair turns around. Do they have a bail for these judges oh yeah when their chair

turns around do they have a bailiff oh yeah oh man yeah it's both or a nightclub oh man so you went on a trip

with trip yeah I went trip yeah I went to India yeah for a month like and not like to

like a fancy resort like you went to you went to like real India yeah real like terrible terrible every single time I would tell my white friends oh my god I gotta go to, you went to like real India. Yeah. Real, like terrible, terrible. And every single time I would tell my white friends,

I'm like, I gotta go to India. And they're like, Oh, that's awesome. I'm like, no, India is a terrible place.

It's the second part of Iprey love. Yeah. That's how we know India. And then they would always say the same thing. They're like, Oh, but the Taj Mahal, I'm like one place out of a billion people. You gotta stay at the Taj Mahal. Oh wait, I'm thinking of Las Vegas. Yeah. They're like, oh, but the Taj Mahal. I'm like, one place out of a billion people?

You got to stay at the Taj Mahal. Oh, wait. I'm thinking of Las Vegas. Yeah, you're thinking of Trump. Trump thing. Isn't it Reno? Or is it in Vegas? Oh, yeah.

Reno, yeah. Atlantic City or something like that. Yeah. Trump. Trump. The Trump Taj Mahal. Yeah. So you went to the Trump Taj Mahal.

Yeah. In Reno. Terrible place. The biggest little India in the world. In the world, yeah. So you went, but where did you go? Because where did you land? Where did you go, my lovely?

I landed in New Delhi. And I speak another language. I speak Punjabi. See, I don't put the emphasis on the I at the end. Is it a Y or an I? You know what? It's not Punjabi. Punjabi.

It's Punjabi. Oh. It's weird. My accent comes out only in those couple of words. Do you speak this because of your parents? Yes. They don't speak English at all. They've been in this country for 40 plus years and they don't speak a word yeah it's hard it's hard to pick it up you know if especially if

everybody at your house all speaks the yeah and the neighborhood that's why everybody moves into like those certain areas because they're like oh we don't have to assimilate at all like we can just be ourselves i had no idea that you could speak two languages. Yeah. There you go. So, but the thing is, New Delhi and basically all of India. New Delhi? Well, I don't, I say New, I see New Delhi because that's how it's supposed to be said. It's like noodley. Yeah, I'm trying to say. Noodley.

Yeah. But it's like Indian food, not particularly noodley. No, that's true. That's true. They're not particularly noodley. Thank you. Good observation. Everybody speaks Hindi there and I don't speak Hindi. That's true. They're not particularly noodley. Thank you. Good observation. Everybody speaks Hindi there, and I don't speak Hindi.

Oh, okay. And I only know it from like movies. Okay. Like the Bollywood movies that my parents used to watch, but just the titles. Okay. So I land, and I have to go eight hours on a bus, and I have to buy this ticket. And I was like, okay, here we go. And so I look at the guy, and I'm just buy this ticket. And I was like, okay, here we go. And so I look at the guy and I'm just saying movie titles.

Sound of music. Yeah. So I'm like a Terminator 2 Judgment Day. And he's like nodding and it's great. And then I'm like, uh, X-Men 2, Days of Future Past or whatever.

And then I'm like concussion. And he doesn't understand. I'm like, it's a new one. It's with Will Smith. Oh, you don't have it yet. You haven't seen it yet.

And then he says something back to me and I have no idea what he just said. And I just like, I get frustrated because I've been trying to communicate with this guy for 15 minutes. And I just go, yo, I don't know what the fuck you were talking about. And he looks at me and he goes, hey, no bad words here. I'm like, you speak English this whole time? You didn't see me struggling? Number two language in India is English. I didn't know that.

So number one is Hindi? Yeah. And Punjabi is third or fourth? No, that's like only 2% of the population. Oh, no. Only 2%. 700 million. Yeah, 700 million.

And we're all in the- What is that? Urdu? What is Urdu? Third? Yeah, something like that. It's got to be- What do you got?

And what have you. Place your bets. So you had to go, you landed somewhere, and then the first thing you had to do is get on a bus for eight hours? Yeah. I mean, I stayed at a hotel room, like a five-star hotel room for the first couple of days. Okay. Five-star by whose standard? By everybody's standard.

Oh, cool. Yeah. A hundred dollars Canadian got me that. Woo! And literally right outside, like right outside the gates, just poverty. Oh, God. The best way I could describe it is Gastown and East Hastings Street. Right.

Yeah. But if the entire country was East Hastings Street and Gastown was just my hotel. It was crazy. So, like, if you looked out your window, could you see or or was all the, the view pointing away from poverty? Like, could you like look out and be like, Oh Jesus. Yeah.

You can't miss that poverty. Okay. It's just everywhere. Wow. Yeah. Huh? A hundred bucks a night though. Huh?

Yeah. Sounds all right. Yeah. You guys want to travel. I've heard of people go and you would go like everyone I've spoken to that's gone, uh, white or Indian, the same would go for at least a month because, uh, like they take into account that you're going to be sick for two weeks. I only got sick for two days. Okay. That's okay.

It's not bad. And it wasn't a consecutive days. It was like one day sick and then I was fine the next day and then one day sick. Okay. Right off okay. It's not bad. And it wasn't consecutive days. It was like one day sick, and then I was fine the next day, and then one day sick. Okay. That was okay. Right off the bat? No. Okay.

No. So you got to enjoy. You're going to want that five-star hotel room when you're sick. Yes. Not when you're- Yeah. I kind of stayed away from just street food. I just ate smart.

I didn't eat when I was out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's probably a good policy. Just about anywhere you go in the world if you're buying food off the street right you there's a certain expectation of diarrhea right yeah i think that's on like a lot of city uh like crests a certain expectation of diarrhea

like you couldn't go to the doctor and be like, well, I eat street food. And he's like, well, that's what you get. Yeah. He's like, I'll try to remove it from you. But I think your body will do a pretty good job on its own. Certain expectation. Yeah. So the first couple of days, super nice five-star hotel.

And then on a bus. On a bus. Oh, boy. Yeah. What was that like? What kind of, is it just like a regular? No, it's like we splurged. Okay. On a bus. Oh, boy. Yeah. What was that like? What kind of, is it just like a regular? No, it's like we splurged. Okay.

I got a. You got an inside seat? Yeah, exactly. It's like a charter bus and it has like leather seats and it reclines and you can watch movies on it and everything. Okay. Yeah, it's not bad. So it wasn't. It wasn't a bus bus.

Yeah, like it wasn't like a crazy, crazy bus. No, no. And you could take a train, but the trains like, yeah, you don't get inside seats. Like you could be on top of the thing. That's real. That would be cool. I didn't think that was real. That is real.

Like that's real today. That's happening right now. I have pictures of people on top of buses and trains. Yeah. But like usually you either see a million people outside of a train hanging on, or you see two guys fighting on top of a train. Yeah. What about, do they ever have to go through a tunnel?

That would be the greatest. Yeah, that would be the greatest. You just see. Yeah, because you only see it in movies. You never actually see the train go by. They're like, oh my god. They're buying. One guy's in a tuxedo.

Oh, my God. Oh, man. No, I didn't take the train, so I don't know about tunnels. I worry about the tunnels. Yeah. Because they would have to lay down, I guess, the people. Yeah. And it would be so-

The people on the sides would be like, oh, yeah. It'd be so smoky. Yeah, I don't know. Smoky? Well, isn't there some smoke coming out? Coming out of the chimney of the train? Yeah. The train chimney.

The train menu. I assume these aren't electric trains, are they? No, but when I was there, they had a big discussion. The whole thing was they wanted to pass a law to make a bullet train. Okay. Oh, yeah, you can't hold on to the side of that. And everybody's like, yeah, everybody's like, oh, this is such a great idea.

I'm like, this is the worst idea in the world. I've seen people on trains, right? Like people will be, like they don't understand that it

goes 380 miles, or yeah, miles an hour. They'll just be on top. You'll get to your destination faster. And then they won't be.

Yeah. You'll get to your destination faster. Like we killed 200 people, but hey, I'm on work on time. That's the worst. I think they'll learn

quick. i hope so like bullet that says it all or kill or people become super famous for being able to hold on the whole time and then it becomes like the rodeo circuit like who can hold on to the log yeah that's right eight seconds he still dies oh man man that's Rajdeep bullet train so and then where did you go

after on this eight hour bus ride I went to the city of Jalundar okay and that's in northern India yeah

yeah of course you know you're familiar I pronounce it differently yeah Janoodly Chicago I pronounce it differently. Yeah, genudely. Chicago.

And my friend lives there, so I stayed with him for basically the entire month. Does that city have a nickname like the Windy City of Chicago? I think they call it J-Town. J-Town. Oh, sure. Yeah, fun. Yeah, I'm going to J-Ville. The six billion.

Nice. There's a huge African, East African population in that city. Okay. Because people from Africa go there just to go to school. Okay. There's a university there. So. Like, and how, like this city, what would the population be? Roughly.

Like, is this a dense population or is this a smaller? Yeah, we were on the outskirts and then we went to the, like, downtown. Yeah. Yeah, and it's a very dense population. Right. Like, we were on the outskirts, so it was, like, behind us it was all agricultural land. Right. And in front of us it was all city.

So, I don't know, it's probably got to be, like, 13 million, maybe. Yeah. The fact that there are. Like, even if there's a small town. And there's cities you've never heard of that have tens of millions. Yeah. Wow. I mean, I've heard of them, but...

Well, yeah. I mean, me too. I'm well-traveled. Yeah, Jalunder. Yeah, J-Ville. I just don't know how to order the movies to research this part of the country, because I only speak Punjab as well. Punjabi.

Punjabi. The way I say it. The way my parents spoke it. Y'all was missing the last letter. Yeah, they'd always drop the last letter. Had you been to India before? When I was four. Yeah.

So this was the first time after 25 years. And was it, because people go and then they say it's this, you know, it's a spiritual thing or they, it's a life changing thing. Was it? Yeah. Was it like a life-changing thing was it yeah um like that for you it was like that at first i mean at first i don't want to go and then it was just a culture shock because i remember talking to you before you got you were going and you were like no i don't want to go why did you go i had to uh um handle some uh unfinished business uh for my father okay so it was like, I needed to,

I needed to go. Right. Oh, right. Yeah. People always laugh when I'm like, I had to go to India. I'm like,

oh yeah, you had to. I'm like, no, I did. I don't want to go back to that place. Yeah. But yeah,

it was like, um, you know, by the end of the trip, I had a completely new perspective and, uh, outlook on life. And then I came back and three days later I was,

I was back to normal. Oh yeah. Yeah. Well that's, that's of course. Yeah. outlook on life and then i came back and three days later i was i was back to normal oh yeah yeah well that's that's of course yeah you don't want these enlightenment you don't want enlightenment to set in forever right i mean you want to dip your toe in and then get back to should i listen to rap videos i'm gonna take j Jay-Z's side. What do those billion people know? But yeah, like what did you do like for the whole month? Did you just hang out? Sightsee?

Did you? Yeah, I went to the Golden Temple twice. Okay. That was the most spiritual of the journey. Okay. And that was very, you know, I of course know what the Golden Temple is. Yeah, yeah. And I'm very spiritual myself. Yeah. But, know what the cult is. Yeah, yeah. And I'm very spiritual myself. But for those, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm not specifically religious, but. So the Taj Mahal always gets the biggest shine. Right. But that's just, yeah, listen to Taj. But Taj Mahal is just a rich guy's tomb, right? Or sorry, he made it for his wife. Right. To entomb her.

I got you something. It's not a tumor uh yeah so so that's what he like he just made this amazing thing for his his wife and then by the way then he chopped off everybody that chopped off the people's hands that made it so no one else could create the same thing oh geez just get him to sign a contract yeah right yeah just uh don't ever make this again. Oh, man. Just chop off one of their hands. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, what, both?

And then they're probably looking at him like, so we're not getting paid? Wow. Well, are we getting entombed? Yeah. Oh, brother. And then so the Golden Temple is the Sikh's holiest shrine. Okay. So, that is the most holy place.

So, people make pilgrimages to this place. Yes. And, yes. And then, going there, that was, like, awe-inspiring. Like, I walked in and I got emotional. I was like, why am I such a, what is happening? Wow. Yeah.

And, yeah, it was great. It was fantastic. Huh. It's okay to be emotional. Yeah, man. Yeah, but I didn't think it would, you know, at that time. It was fantastic. Huh. It's okay to be emotional. Yeah, man. Yeah, but I didn't think it was, you know, at that time. Sunny. Guys.

Sunny. What, who had their hands chopped off at this place? Nobody. Golden Temple? Oh, cool. Yeah, yeah. But, no, you know what? Let's not even talk about it.

But. I was going to do like a history lesson, but I don't really care. Yeah, no, no. We want to learn. I mean, the Indian government attacked that place. Okay. And then so you can go in. In 1984.

Oh, okay. And yeah, so they attacked it. Like, hey, Sikhs. Like bombs and stuff? Yeah, like the army came out. Oh, right. And then right beside it, there's this place where you can still see the bullet holes. Oh, wow.

And then they made the, there's hedges, but they made the hedges look like Indian Army people. So they would never forget what happened. Oh, that's got to be, that's all day for those gardeners. Oh, yeah. Scissor hands. Maybe they added scissor hands to the Taj Mahal workers' hands. Oh, there you go. I thought it through.

Yeah, you really figured it out. So, just going in this place felt like you got a feeling? Yeah, I mean, just, yeah, that was the start of the different perception and perspective. Just going into that place. I don't think I've ever walked into a place and felt anything. Would Graham and I feel something, or is it something from your heritage? Do you think? I think a little bit heritage.

I mean, you would feel, you would feel something like you would feel a little bit. I'm real hard. Yeah. The, the, the funniest part about it is, uh, so you stand on the steps and like, you're about to walk into the gate, walk down and, and see this thing. It's a golden temple and it's on water. Oh, wow. Yeah. It's amazing. And and it's on water. Oh, wow. Yeah, it's amazing.

And I'm looking at it like I can see it and I turn around and there's a McDonald's like right there. Wow, golden arches. Golden arches, golden temple, golden arches.

Anytime you say golden temple, I'm like, is this a restaurant? Yeah, I was thinking it was like a Chinese restaurant with a golden temple. Holy Shrine, McDonald's. It was wild.

A lot more white people there than I thought. But I would assume there would be a lot of white people at all of the shrine-like places. Yeah. Right? The airport looked like Vancouver's airport, except for not that many Asians. Oh, right. But just everything about it was like, oh, we're in Vancouver right now. Yeah, because that's become a big thing for people who practice yoga and stuff.

They all go on these pilgrimages to India and they study under yogis that live there and stuff. Right. So, yeah, that doesn't matter. Speaking of yogis. Did you do yoga? No, no, no. But like two years ago when my parents went to India and came back, they were like, hey, do you want anything? Because my mom and dad will come back.

A yogi. Yeah. My mom and dad would. Yogi Bear. The movie. On DVD. I would love that. In Hindi, please.

Yes. English subtitles. Absolutely. And so they're like, do you want anything? And I'm like, not really. Because they buy my sister fabric and suits and things you can get cheaper from out there. Oh, yeah. And I'm like, ah, I mean, the only thing I wear is Jordan apparel, Jordan brand apparel.

Right. So I drew the symbol of the Jumpman. Oh, boy. And I wrote Jordan on it. And yeah, my mom, she called me when she was there. She's like, hey, we got all your Jordan things. I'm like, really? She's like, yeah, I went to the market.

I showed him the guy, showed him the thing, the paper. And they're like, yeah, this is it. This is what he wants. And I get it. And it's two V-necks that just says, I'm a yogi. Like sweaters or t-shirts? Just like two t-shirts. And it was doing like a yoga pose.

And he's like, yeah, this is it, isn't it? My mom's smiling and my dad's so happy. And I'm like, oh, yeah, I would totally wear this. I'm a yogi. I'm a yogi. Man, I was so disappointed. The guy just wanted to make a sale. Yeah, that guy in the market, really.

He saw your parents coming from a mile away. I really thought it was going to end up being stuff from the country of Jordan. Yeah. Oh, that would be great. I'm a yogi really takes it. Yeah, I am a yogi. Oh, man. Dude, now that, because you were saying they come back with like fabrics and stuff.

Yeah. Do you have any outfits like that? Any of the traditional? Because I think those outfits are like the best thing in the world. Yeah. I actually got one made for me. Really? Cause I can't find anything.

Like, so. How tall are you? I'm six, five. And in India. Oh, I am either a celebrity or they look at, they look at me like they're going to rob me. Oh, really? I wouldn't have thought, I don't know. Like, there's no like indian

heights uh like uh stereotype as far as i know yeah um there's average height i would say it's the stereotype i realized i realized that how much steroids uh are in our food because i i saw a real uh onion and i saw a real potato and they're tiny oh sure yeah and then so that's that's why i'm like huge compared to everybody else. I'm like, I'm just the one that's there. Eat all those onions. Although I go to, I go to California and you see the avocados there and they're enormous. They're crazy.

Yeah. They're massive. And so, yeah, that's. So that's why I'm so small because I eat Canadian avocados. I went to a, one of the guys coaches basketball' basketball, and they had a junior NBA there. Yeah. Because they wanted to start a grassroots level in India. Okay.

Just so they get a billion people watching basketball now. And I walked to the court because he invited me there, and all the kids thought I was in the NBA. Oh, really? It was a dream come true. Oh, that's amazing. Yeah. I took pictures with all of them. They're going to be so disappointed.

Did you play? No. And then they were like, oh, he's not in the NBA. Yeah. They're like. Oh, that's amazing. Yeah, I took pictures with all of them. They're going to be so disappointed. Did you play? No. And then they were like, oh, he's not in the end. Yeah. Like, ah, we're mistaken. I did play. I played with my. He's wearing that Air Jordan material.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I am a yogi. You're a yogi? Yeah. No, no, I was just there to watch, and the kids got excited, so they played harder because they thought I was a scout or something. Oh, yeah. Oh, I'd love to have the power to make kids play harder.

Yeah. Like just by showing up. Look busy, everybody. Graham's here. Oh, wow. So, yeah. And then so the trip was a success. You took care of your business you needed to take care of.

Yeah. I mean, there's still some more business to take care of, and I'll eventually have to go back. Okay. But, yeah, it was good. And I checked out of school while I was there too for the, I'm starting a GoFundMe or it's already started. Okay. But what I want to do is in my dad's village, I want to name a school after him.

Oh, okay. Because the schools there are just terrible. Like? Kids go with like, just like they wear one pair of sandals. Right. Right. Their backpacks are like torn open. They have no books. Right.

It's just terrible. So I said like, how much would it cost for you to change the school name to, you know, after my dad. Sonny's dad. Yeah. Sonny's dad's elementary. And, uh, and you know, and then you can just take the money and, you know, make, you know, have books. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And so, yeah, they told me, and then I was like, is that, is this possible? They. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so, yeah, they told me. And then I was like, is this possible? They're like, yeah, this is the only place where you can do that. Really? Like other places, like there's red tape and you have to go through like the government. Sure. This place, they're like, yeah, we'll just do it.

How much does it cost to build a school? I mean, we're not building the school. We're just changing and just giving them money. Oh, I see. Okay. So it's a school that exists. You've got to fix it. Fix it up. And yeah. And like give them uniforms or whatever they need. Yeah. Whatever, I see. Okay, so it's a school that exists. You've got to fix it up.

Yeah, and give them uniforms or whatever they need. Whatever it would be. New school mascot. New school mascot, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's going to be Rajdeep Bullet Train is the mascot. It's just a bullet train. The tiny onions.

Wow. So that was mission successful. And then what else has been going on in Sonny Dollywall's world? I mean, I mean, well, I'm, I leave for Toronto tomorrow. Okay. I'm doing a little, uh, I'm doing a little run, a small little tour. Okay. All right.

The tour is called charge it to the game tour. Cause, uh, after, after 29 years, I finally got a credit card. Charge it to the game, everybody. Well, that, I finally got a credit card. Charge it to the game, everybody. Well, that's not too bad. Yeah, that's okay. It's not like you should have had one the first 18, 19 of both years. Yeah. I think I should have, though, after 19, though.

You think at 19 you should have got it? I don't know. I start building my credit now. I guess. And then it was so hard to get a credit card after that because I became a comedian. Oh, yeah. And they're like, you're just going to run this up and not pay it aren't you yeah um i've definitely uh uh gotten uh like a credit card sometimes if you're at a hockey game or a sporting event there's like they'll they'll offer to give you a t-shirt if you sign up for a credit card right yeah and then you get a free t-shirt and just cut up the credit card yeah yeah no i tried it at like sporting events i tried it

on airplanes and they're just like nah like you don't get one wow you're just do they have like a little thing they just run the card through and check to see if you're like how do they know you have to fill out a form and then i'll get a phone call like you know two three days later to tell me what kind of a bum I am like we'd like our t-shirt yeah please return it

yeah please I am a yogi t-shirt yeah yeah I should have replaced it I should have replaced it when you went to

they were just handing out credit cards at the yoga nationals um uh now I've noticed handing out credit cards at the Yoga Nationals. Now, I've noticed that a lot of comedians, they'll name the tour that they're on.

Is that just for fun? Why do people do that? That is 100% for fun. Because it's not a tour. I'm just doing shows in another city. Yeah, no club is making signs up. But a lot of comedians do it. No club is making signs up. Yeah. But a lot of comedians do it. I think it's so fun.

That's why I do it. Because it's just doing shows back to back, like different weekends. You guys are, you've been on tour for six years, Graham. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. In Vancouver.

Constantly touring in Vancouver. Yeah, exactly. That's what it is too. This is like, ah, look at my next tour. And it's just, yeah, it's like, I'm going to this coffee shop. Yeah.

Go to that coffee shop. What would you call your tour, Graham? Charge to the game. You also got a credit card? I got two. Oh, good for you. And a couple of shirts that were too big. Long story.

But yeah, I've just. Who is Gwen Stefani's husband? Oh, yeah. long story but yeah I've just who is Gwen Stefani's husband oh yeah tour boyfriend buttlet

what's your credit card number 4537 oh yeah that's a visa alright now yeah cause I always wonder with those tours,

the whole point of naming a tour is that you sell merchandise, right? Right. Do you got any? I mean, I have merchandise now, but it's nothing to do with the tour. What do you got? What do you sell? I sell a, almost like it looks like a credit card, right? Charge it to the camera.

It's nothing to do with the tour, though. But it's like a credit card, and it just has my information. It's like a business card. It has all my information on it. Okay. And then you flip it open, boom, it's nothing to do with the tour though but it's like a credit card and it just has my information it's like a business card it has all my information on it okay and then you flip it open boom it's a USB

boom and on the USB it has a like my stand up special and like an album called Broken Dreams and again the album not an album

it's just a set I recorded at a comedy club but well that's all an album but I just I thought I need to put that on there because it's material I don't really do usually.

Right. And so they'll hear new material. And I just wanted more. I can't just sell them this stand-up special. Why not? I feel like they, I mean, I don't want to cheat anybody. You're mostly selling this to drunk people, right? Yes.

Yeah. Totally am. But USBs, are they cheap enough now that you can yeah produce them yeah I would love to just sell somebody a USB that just has one photo on it

yeah and then if you can't sell them you can fill them up with movies you pirated yeah oh my god then you can just use them

yeah that's great no one time this lady couldn't she didn't know how to work it on her thing so she emailed me. And then I was like, okay, well, I can.

Why did I put my contact information on this thing? So I'm like, listen, either I can send you a new USB with that stuff on it, or I can just send you the contents on it, like just through via Dropbox or whatever. Right. And then I just prefaced. I'm like, but with two USBs, you have four gigs of memory. I am so excited for you. I'm like but with two USBs you have four gigs of memory I am so excited for you but if she can't figure out how to she's like she's like just uh just send me the content yeah and also I don't have an email address but I feel like uh it used to be like you'd have to

carry around cds and that's why I did it because it's just so heavy yeah it's just easier to carry around yeah and also it has my logo on it. And if I do record something else or film something else, they're empty. I preload them before I sell them. Right. So I don't need to buy new packaging. I can just throw that on there or just add it to the game. So you are.

Yeah. But you have to take each individual one and load it up? I mean, what am I doing for eight hours before the show? Yeah. It's really depressing. Now, do you hate sitting at the table after the show? Oh, my God, the worst. And when people don't leave, and I'm like, ugh, I'm just standing there by myself with this little knapsack that I have on.

Yeah. Why are you wearing the knapsack that I have on yeah why are you wearing the knapsack that's what the USBs are in oh I see it's one of those little tiny knapsacks too

a little leather one oh that's cute like the one Moesha wore yes Mo to the that's gonna be my next

that's gonna be my next tour Motula each of the have you ever like been halfway through a set and you're like

boy this is not going well and then the MC comes out and says he'll be selling his stuff after and you're like yeah no but I have been

halfway through doing a set and I'm like not gonna sell this and then so when the MC came I'm like don't push my stuff

I just went to the back I've had I was never a headliner in my day but I've had headliners who were like hey

come stand with me while I sell my stuff I always I always ask hey if you if you guys aren't doing anything why don't you

just come stand with me I make it a point to tell them in my show like listen it's I'm really awkward out there.

Yeah. Yeah. And I'm standing where you thought my set was awkward. Get ready for the real thing for watching me. Cause I stand right where they have to leave. So I'm like, Hey, just do me a favor, man. If you like the show and you don't want to buy it, just like, come talk to me. Yeah.

Yeah. Isn't that what they say? Like, just come by and say hello. Yeah. And like, we can take pictures if you want. Just don't make me feel like an idiot. How much do you charge for a picture? Gotta charge it to the game.

Make that out to the game. Oh, man. Dave, what's going on with you? Oh, boy, guys. What is going on with me? How many credit cards you got? I think two, but one I don't use anymore. Yeah, I got one that I've never used.

Then what is the point of having the second? Oh, just I upgraded to a card where I get more air miles. Right. And the other one hasn't expired yet. Okay. Yeah. That makes sense. I think my bank talked me into a thing while I was, you know, you go like once in a blue moon, you go to an actual teller for something.

And they like said, yeah, I get this credit card. And I was just like too tired to say no. So, I was like, yeah, I just send it to my house. So, I've never used it. Yeah. I haven't. I like, my favorite thing about getting a credit card is that little sticky glue that they stick it to the paper with. Oh, and you roll it up and roll it up?

Yeah. I have like four credit cards just for that sticky glue. Yeah, yeah. This is what you missed out on in your 20s. Yeah, I love sticky glue. I am not advanced enough to go to the air miles thing. I just get free movies with mine. Oh, yeah. That's still pretty movies with mine. Oh, yeah.

That's still pretty good. It's okay. But I just want to get to the air miles because I travel so much. Yeah. I got to get in it. I got an air miles thing, but I don't know how it works. You must have aeroplan though, right? Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. So you're still collecting points. I guess. But only when they say, give me your card. Otherwise, I don't remember that. Oh, no. It automatically accumulates say, give me your card. Otherwise, I don't remember to. Oh, no. It automatically accumulates when you use your credit card.

Yeah. Oh, really? If it's set up properly. It's probably not set up properly. I think you'll find if you check your balance that you have like hundreds of thousands of points. Awesome. Because you had no idea you were doing it. You should take those miles and go to India and stay at the hotel I was telling you about.

Yeah. Or you can use to get a hundred dollar hotel room here. Ooh. That's pretty good. Radisson or lower. What's going on with me is not very much. Checking, checking phone for information yeah um um i was uh i watched a lot of antiques roadshow uh-huh nice and uh so far it's on mondays on pbs check it out and what they'll do is well my who says people don't make appointment television

anymore the the uh host is named mark walberg i don't know appointment television anymore? The host is named Mark Wahlberg. I don't know if you know that about him. Yes, absolutely. He blinded a convenience store clerk when he was a kid. He was racist against Vietnamese people. They should really redo all of Mark Wahlberg's movies with the host of Antiques Roadshow, Mark L. Wahlberg. Agreed. And they'll show one new

episode and then one rerun. And I saw this rerun and it was great because what always happens, this type of thing never happens. It's always someone bought whatever at a piece of pottery or

a piece of jewelry at an estate sale or a second-hand store. And they paid, like high-end, they paid $500 for this thing. And it's now worth $40,000. Woof. So you hear these stories of people like, oh, you're one of these one-of-a-million stories

that your thing went up in value. Everything goes up in value. And then there is this one woman, I've never seen this happen before. And this was a rerun I hadn't seen. It was from like 2012. And she had bought this necklace for herself to like a treat for myself. Yeah. Wear it in the nude.

Just a necklace. Yeah. And it was like gold and turquoise yeah great combination yeah classy but it was like uh uh and she bought it 25 years ago and paid twenty thousand dollars for it oh my and the moment she said that, I was like, oh, this is not going up in value. That's like a high end for this show of what it ends up being worth. Yeah, yeah. And the person, oh, the poor appraiser had to really let her down easy.

Oh, wow. Not giving actual numbers but i think after 25 years of of wear and tear of going up in value it is now worth half of what you paid for so like she overpaid for it 25 years ago wow by by like three or four times. Wow. $20,000 for any piece of jewelry is pretty big. What does this lady do that she has, oh, I'm going to treat myself to a $20,000 necklace? She made her first sale. She sold something for $25. She must have got a credit card or something. I'm going to treat myself.

But yeah, it was just like the look on her face was, I mean, obviously if she had $20,000 to throw around, she's doing fine. Yes. But just the look on her face. Unless she didn't. Yeah. Which. Yeah. But just the look on her face of like, oh, it's.

Well, I still really like it. What else are you going to say you know when you order something in a restaurant and like you're with all your friends and you like

have to pretend like it's really great like no this is the I chose the right thing they have like delicious meals when do you have to pretend

I used to pretend all the time why can't you lose face like why because then your friends make fun of you they're like ah you got the back

but it doesn't matter. It's gross. You still have to eat it. You ordered chicken fried steak. What's wrong with you? I ordered that one time. It was bad. Well, it sounds really good, chicken fried steak.

Because they make a chicken wear a little chef outfit, and then it has to fry the steak. Fry the steak. It's so cute when they do it. Oh, man. Yeah, I've had that experience where you order something and instant buy it. I think it was when I was a kid, though,

when my parents were like, are you sure? Yeah, it's when they try, they can really make fun of you when they tried to talk you out of it. Yeah. Yeah. And you're like, yeah.

Yeah, of course. I like eggs. I like plants. I'll have eggplant. And you're just sitting there with a dumb look on your face like purple i thought it was gonna be white and eggy oh this is purple do you do either of you have anything that you would take on a like a antiques roadshow style

thing or anything you own that you think will appreciate in value. I mean, I have a two, I am a Yogi t-shirts. That are unbelievable. Never worn. No, still in its package. I don't think I, I don't own anything. And you go to secondhand stores. Constantly. Yeah. I don't own anything. And you go to secondhand stores weekly.

Constantly. All the time. But I don't own anything that's, like, I've kept stuff that I think is neat, but I don't think I have anything that, because in the collecting world, like, everything has to be fairly pristine or whatever. Like, if it's got a thing, like a crack or if a little, you know, if there's like a little dent in it, then it's like half of the value of like an untouched one or whatever. Like if it's got a thing, like a crack or if a little, you know, if there's like a little dent in it, then it's like half of the value of like an untouched one or whatever. So I don't have anything like that. Like everything I buy is already like anything from 20th century or later is sort of fucked out. Yeah,

that's true. Like it's gotta be old. Like, and, and have like layers and layers of patina. And even when I go to an antique store, I wouldn't be able to identify a real nice antique out of a copy or whatever. I have no idea. Made in China, sort of ceramic thing.

Yeah. I got you. Yeah, because a lot of the things that they'll have in like the nice display cases at antique stores, I'm like, eh,

I don't know. It just looks like garbage to me. Yeah, and you don't want to wake up 25 years later like knowing that you overpaid four or five times for this necklace.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. Yeah, I don't want to, the only thing I have that's rare is I have a DVD copy

of Barbershop 2. I'm the only one that bought that movie because they put the price tag over the 2. I thought it was Barbershop. Barbershop 1 was great. You know, they're making another one. Yeah. Yeah. Which is.

Who said. Like Nicki Minaj or something. Yeah. It's going to be terrible. It's. But they've joined forces. The Barbershop and the beauty shop are now one. Looks like you're very excited about this movie.

Well, I mean, you know. I haven't seen barbershop, but I did see Straight Outta Compton. And there is a scene where he's writing barbershop. No, he's writing Friday. Oh, you're right. Yeah. Come on. I'm the most annoying guy to watch that movie with.

Is he in barbershop? Yeah, yeah. He's a star. But I'm the most annoying guy to watch that movie with. Is he in Barbershop? Yeah, yeah. He's the star. But I'm the most annoying to watch Straight Outta Compton with because the entire movie, I'm just turning to whoever's watching it with me like, that didn't happen. They never got that blowjob. It didn't happen like that.

I mean, this happened, but the office wasn't that big. And everybody's like, shut up and watch the movie. Do you want to know the facts? We all have to be on this plane together, Sonny. Is that how Straight Outta Compton ended? It froze and then it said one of these members started a barbershop many years later. Yeah. Like it did kind of like at the end of Animal House.

Yeah. I haven't seen the movie. It's good. It's good. I know the story, you know. But do you? Well, no. Maybe I don't.

Maybe we should watch it together. Yeah. That's so I can get the story and then the story. And then the story, yeah. Yeah, but I'm very excited about whatever the new Barbershop film is called. Probably Barbershop 3. Yeah, or something. They have to take back the streets in this one.

So it's like Police Academy 3. What? Trust me, if you watch the the trailer it's all about them taking back the streets are there ever citizens on patrol in this yeah yeah yeah they're citizens on patrol they're taking back the streets uh they're meteor man and um else other movies from that time period meteor man yeah that was around the same time as... Who was that? That was Robert Townsend. Yeah. And then, like, every black comedic actor in Hollywood was in that movie. Oh, okay.

Up to and including Bill Cosby. Yeah. So... What's he been up to? I probably have a copy of Meteor Man at home, so that's my thing that I own. He owns Barbershop, too. I own Meteor Man inbershop too. I own Meteor, man. In very rough condition. I think, well, no, it's a lot of people like, I don't own anything like that.

Okay. A lot of people have like, I mean, I hope to discover that I own something like that. Like something that I own. Oh, you know that thing your mom gave you? Yeah. It's worth $80,000. Yeah. That belt buckle.

Oh, I thought you meant just like a rare copy of a movie. Like, oh, you got booty call. Oh, I thought you meant just like a rare copy of a movie. Like, oh, you got booty call. Oh, man. Oh, my brothers were obsessed with that movie. But yeah. I also have that movie. It's either stuff people bought at a garage sale or stuff that was handed down from their parents who were, you know, just happened to be friends with like some famous furniture designer. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah of course right like if you were just buddies with somebody i knew somebody that had prints uh from andy warhol because they knew they were in with that world and so that's that world was insufferable but had like original prints that they were like yeah and sold them for a small fortune whatever yeah yeah

but it was because they were just hanging around that's the other thing is people on Antiques Roadshow claim that they will never sell these things

oh that's oh they're selling it like yeah you see them you change the channel and they're on Pawn Stars

or whatever yeah it's either like oh no I'm i'll it's too dear to me but uh i'll leave it to my children to fight over whose joke is it where uh the person watches a antique road show and uh the reflection of the tv uh he like stands there in front of it and you can just see his genitals. And he just like, he likes the,

he likes the appraiser to appraise his penis. I think that is Lachlan Petterson. Lachlan Petterson, yeah. He's like, oh, it's a great condition and yeah,

it's hilarious. It was fun. Yeah. Lachlan. What's going on with you, Graham? I went over to Victoria this weekend.

Oh, the capital of our province. Yeah. And what a capital. Oh, the capital of our province. Yeah. And what a capital. Man, oh man. Capital Iron. That's a store there. Is that true?

Yeah, it's right next to Value Village. And what is it? What do they sell there? Oh boy. It feels like it's a, it's like a winner's, but for hardware. Oh, okay. I really thought it was just like wrought iron furniture. No, it's like a lot, like, I think surplus stuff. Gloves, okay. I really thought it was just like wrought iron furniture. No, it's like, I think surplus stuff.

Gloves, boots. Of every kind of thing, yeah. Drills. Yeah. What are other things? Lawn furniture, patio furniture. Shovels. Hammers.

Yeah. Hammer, totally. Nails? No. Oh, no nails, just the hammer. Yeah. You gotta go to a brand name. that's how they get a brand name that's how they get you what how did they get you you gotta make two stops

they're in with i really got this guy coming in for a hammer no no um and i uh because my parents uh are over in victoria for a little bit and they're visiting my grandmother. So I went over to visit them and see my grandmother. And then they came back with me on the ferry for a day and just spent the day in Vancouver. Why didn't you call me? It was just, it was such a flurry of activity. But the ferry is something that I used to, when I was a kid, that was like a treat to go on the ferry. Once a year, go see our grandparents. It's like a treat to go on the ferry once a year go see our grandparents there's such a treat here on a boat there's a yeah there's an arcade you could get a hamburger

great yeah and then it all changed then it all changes and it just becomes this terrible you're shackled to this boat for an hour and a half and it's and you're shackled up at the terminal waiting for the boat and maybe you're not gonna make your half and it's and you're shackled up at the terminal waiting for the boat and maybe you're not gonna make your sailing and there's kids are running all over the place and the food is awful and it makes you ill when you eat it and that if i'm alone sometimes i just stay in my car do you ever do that of course uh yeah oh like on the boat itself yeah on the boat itself yeah yeah you'll just you'll just stay down there they don't nobody comes around they don't have a security guard that comes no looks. No, no.

You're allowed to stay in your car. I heard you weren't allowed to stay in your car in case, because if it sank, that that was the reason you weren't allowed to stay in your car. No, we invite you to explore the boat. Ah, and explore your bodies. Yeah, so then we... Mostly we end up staying in the car Now that we have a baby, we don't But we would go up

Yeah, because now she's got to have this experience That slowly ruined for her over time But you have to leave your dog in the car So we would just go up and have a burger And bring him back some fries Fun Fun trip Yeah, so grandpa still has great memories of the boat.

So yeah. So then I was on it with my parents. They haven't been on the ferry in like a decade. Okay. So it was for them, what a treat. And so it was like seeing a thing that's become awful to you through the eyes of somebody who it's like still fun for. That's really frustrating. Yeah.

But have you had that? Where somebody's like, it's brand new to them, so they're like, oh, this is great, this thing, that thing. And you're like, it's really not. Every single time I go. People stand on top of the fifth deck. Yeah, let's go outside and get pelted with rain. Yeah, and then wave to the other ferry.

Like, what are you doing? No, you don't know anybody there. Trying to make friends. You don't know anybody there. You're not waving to the people. You wouldn't wave to anyone to your left or right. But if they're 200 yards away, you'll wave. And then they're taking pictures on the ferry.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Lots of pictures. Yeah, it's frustrating. It was but it was fun it was like it was like uh you know the effect that maybe you have a kid around at halloween and all of a sudden oh the magic of halloween or christmas or something it was like that again so except it was my parents not a kid yeah well when we did the prenatal classes the one thing and i it like it's such an obvious thing but i hadn't heard anyone say it before but this doula said like at the very end of our prenatal classes it was like uh and you'll love having kids it's like having a second childhood and it that's like oh my god why didn't anyone say that oh yeah second childhood but not all the time it's also like a first

adulthood yeah but yeah so i i will you know i re-experienced the fairy for the first time through someone else's eyes yeah this is like that eric clapton song looking through my father's eyes yeah which is it was it was like looking Through My Father's Eyes because my father was there. Did it make the experience better? Yeah, it did actually because, you know. Did you play that song throughout? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dave, you know me.

Whenever I'm on any kind of mode of transportation, I always bring my guitar and my maracas, which I hand out to whoever. When I said, did you play that? I didn't mean. Oh, yeah, hand out to whoever. I said, did you play that? I didn't mean. Oh, yeah. I play it live. I play it live. I don't ask for any money. But if you have any fries that you're not going to eat, throw them in my hat.

Throw them into the hole of my guitar. If you can get through these slow hand strings. Yeah. Then you get a visa. So it's a hole. Everything folds in on itself. Yeah. Yeah. get a visa. So it's a whole. Everything folds in on itself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so that's what I did.

I went on the ferry twice in two days. Whew. That is, right? Did you make both your ferries? You weren't stranded at all? No, no, no waiting. I think this is the slow time. Right.

For your ferry travel. I did that on two weeks ago or like a week ago. Yeah. One ferry there and the next day ferry back. It takes a lot out of the old day. Yeah. It's just a full day of traveling. Yeah.

And, but it was more fun to be with people. Yeah. That actually enjoyed it. I am so happy to hear that because I, as an adult, I went to university in Victoria. And so I would go take the ferry back and forth quite often. And it got old real quick. Real quick.

And as an adult, it took a long time to find people to commiserate with me. Right. Like everyone thought I was just a sour old man for not enjoying this dumb 90 minute boat ride. Old man Shumka over there.

He and the fairy. But yeah, I think, you know, well, you got a kid. She'll love it for years. Yeah.

Great. The arcade will still be there. Still playing the same old game. That weird ski game. When you're skiing. Would you let your kid play in the play place? Yeah, we have. Yeah?

And it's great? Yeah. Like, it's 90 minutes. You've got to kill this time somehow. Right, right. What else are you going to do? I just hear screams from there, so I stay away. Oh, yeah, they scream from there.

Like, kids scream. That's what kids do. Dogs bark, kids scream. Kids scream? Yeah. Okay uh and then when you're like uh six or seven you spend all your time at the brochure rack looking through all the brochures yep hey this wax museum or uh go see a giant crab or eat a giant crab maybe i'll do this when i'm there you're six yeah dad i want to do this, but it's all Victoria stuff. I want to go to the Bouchard Gardens.

Take me to the... What's another old person thing? Last time I was in Victoria, this is a weird phenomenon that you see in towns where they're not quite a big city. They've heard about a popular thing, but they haven't gotten the subtleties of it. Okay. that they've heard about a popular thing, but they haven't gotten the subtleties of it.

Okay. And so there was a spa for men for manscaping your body, and it was just called the Manscaped Spa. Like, it wasn't like a touch of class gentleman's spa. It was like a metrosexual manscaping spa. If you were... Manscaping ska. Manscaping ska. If you were looking to be manscaped,

wouldn't you just look for the... Wouldn't that be what you'd look for? I would go to the manscaped ska. I would ask them... I would put you to a touch of class. I would ask them to put a ska checkerboard pattern in my chest hair. But a touch of class sounds like a place

that they manscape you and then... Yeah, right? Well... I like touch of class, though. That's my next tour. Touch of class tour. Please do that. Touch of class. Is this my finger? You should change this tour

name to that. Touch of class. Done. Charge it to the game. Yeah, they'll be next tour. So, yeah, yeah, yeah. Touch of Class. All it will take was updating my Facebook status. That's all it's going to take. And guys, it's renamed to Touch of Class.

Okay, Sonny. We'll buy a t-shirt either way. Do you want to move on to Overhearts? Yeah. I'm Bits. And I'm Teresa. And we host the podcast One Bad Mother, a comedy podcast about parenting. Parenthood.

It turns out it is very difficult, but we all get up every day and do it again. It's like the sign says, if you're going through hell, keep going. So join us each week as we strive for less judging and more laughing. Find us on iTunes or wherever you listen to podcasts when your children aren't around. I'm Jesse Thorne. I'm Jordan Morris. The federal government has millions of dollars in programs and opportunities that you need to seize today.

You're a taxpayer, right? Well, then you've got it coming. Learn the secrets you deserve to seize today. You're a taxpayer, right? Well, then you've got it coming. Learn the secrets you deserve to know. Find the bowling alley under the White House and the laser tag arena underneath Congress. Learn the real story behind Nicolas Cage's dinosaur auction. Find out why the Department of Energy has banned shirts. Learn the locations of America's secret alien bases

and Dan Aykroyd. Find out where the Library of Congress keeps its kasingles. For all of this and more, drop us a line. Jordan, Jesse, go. 1-2-3 iTunes Street or wherever you download podcasts. Overheard. Overheard.

The segment in which you, I, all of us hear things and then talk about them here on the podcast. Now, we always like to start with the guests. Sonny. Okay. Will you lead the way? Sure. I was in a Starbucks. Mm-hmm.

And there was three teenage girls doing their thing. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Doing their teenage coffee drinking thing. All right. Yes. And I do not know which movie they were talking about because I sat down and then this is what I overheard. But one of, so A, there's three. So A turns to, teenage girl A turns to teenage girl B and says, oh, I think that's the one with Don Cheadle.

And then C goes, speaking of Don Cheadle, my cousin fucked Terrence Howard. Oh, man. Any chance to get that anecdote in there? Oh, are we talking? Did somebody say Terrence Howard? No? No? Well, Don Cheadle, did they play the same part

in Iron Man? Oh, yeah. There's a lot of links between Don Cheadle. After that. Yeah, and once this girl fucks Don Cheadle, another link.

Six degrees of Don Cheadle. Oh, yes. Oh, I thought Hotel Rwanda was a beautiful movie. My cousin, Terrence Howard. He's not in that. Well, I thought a Hotel Rwanda was a beautiful movie. My cousin, Terrence Howard. He's not in that.

Well, he did though. He did. Oh, scandalous. Just use those wet wipes. That's all I know about Terrence Howard. He insists that the women he's with use wet wipes. Oh, really? That's a thing?

After eating ribs or what? Yes. Okay. Well, fair enough. You know what? I think it's a great policy. Okay. Well, fair enough. You know what? I think it's a great policy. Yeah. Do you remember when I was a kid, what was your first experience with wet wipes?

It was definitely at Swish LA or something like that. I don't remember people having containers full of them. No, no. It was in a single serve packet. You'd get a single towelette with your- White package. Yeah. Maybe with your KFC. Yeah, that's the first thing I had.

I remember pocketing one and keeping it and busting it out and everybody being like, whoa! Oh, my God! You know, like when we really needed to clean our hands. What is the shelf life on one of those little packets of them? Because... I think a long time. Well, because there are the

little ones that are like the the square like a uh a ramen packet and then there are the ones that are like a little envelope like a long thin envelope that i feel i think those ones don't last yeah i feel like they're gonna get moldy over time yeah oh man but yeah but the ramen packet ones those are for life those are for life they take those to space they probably do yeah i don't know how else you would wash your hands maybe you don't wash your head while terrence hours never been to space and he'll never be because of his crazy policy um dave do you have an overheard? Mine is, uh. To share. Yeah. Okay.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Um, mine is, uh, uh, on Saturdays, it's, I feel like everywhere I go, it's, it's like dad day on Saturdays. Okay. So like it's dads with kids. I go to the, I take my baby for a walk in the morning. We stop at the coffee shop. It's full of dads with kids. I go to the. I take my. Baby for a walk in the morning. We stop at the coffee shop. It's full of dads.

Yeah. And the kids. Moms get to sleep in on Saturday. What time are we talking here? That's like. Nine a.m. That's the dadding hour. No.

It's all day. Because then I take. Margo to the. Swimming pool. We go swimming every week. And. I saw this dad there With like four ten year olds

Like maybe like Two of them were brought Or one forty year old Which would you rather Have to contend with That's like That's like when you It's like sleeping with a girl

You can either sleep with One eight or two fours What do you pick Two fours But not year old, right? No, no, no. Obviously. So we were, so this dad, I think it was like maybe a, you know, an 11 year old and a nine

year old and they're two friends of the same age. Right. They weren't all his kids. And I just heard one of the kids say, Dad, can you sue someone for no reason? Because that's what I want to do to Zach. And then one of the other kids, the dad was just like, no. And one of the other kids was like, no, you have to be 18 to sue someone. And then the first kid was like, then I'll say you stole a million dollars

and I'm suing you for that. And then the other kid was like, you'll say you stole a million dollars and I'm suing you for that and then the other kid was like you can't because that's framing yeah and a judge

would throw that out as frivolous he'd be like listen up you two kids yeah that's framing that's hearsay yeah sidebar

sidebar you said he stole a million dollars you never had a million dollars yeah cause he stole it judge keep up with me

uh so uh i really like that uh like how am i gonna get to zach and sue him and that kid grew up to be sean avery who's that making a murderer you guys haven't been watching steve avery steve avery so sean avery sean avery is somebody else He's a hockey player who interned for Men's Vogue. Yeah. And that man. Doing what? Grew up to be Steve Avery. He was just like, before he got into hockey?

No, no, no. It was like, he played for the Rangers or something. And he was like, I'm living in New York. And I'm a, he was, I think he had dated Alicia Cuthbert. He wanted to be famous. Oh, sure. And he was like, he's got the worst he did like he wore like horn-rimmed glasses with um with like a blue tint on the lens for his team

photo like nobody wears glasses you you're you're dressed in your uniform and he wore like these he's the only one to wear a coat over his uniform he was very uh controversial oh with the bro doer thing um which one was he was very controversial with a Brodeur thing. Which one was he? He was very controversial with a lot of things. With a lot of things, yeah. I mean, well, he was just controversial overall.

But yeah, they were playing New Jersey in the playoffs and he stood in front of them so you couldn't see. Oh, and he actually waved his hand. Yeah, he actually waved his hand

in a stick and then at the, where they have to shake hands. At the end, yeah. Brodeur didn't shake his hand and called him a fatso anyway. Called him a fatso? Yeah, Sean Avery. He. Called him a fatso?

Yeah, no, he was really quite a character. Like a really hateable play. Like he said some horrible, horrible. Who called who a fatso? Sean called Bordura a fatso. I'm like,

it's padding. Yeah. He's not really fat. And he's, yeah. Anyway. Oh boy. Hey fatso.

Hey fatso. Anyway, Steve Avery. Yeah. Yeah. That's, Anyway, Steve Avery. Yeah. Yeah. That's Steve Avery. He did it, right? Yeah.

Steve Avery is the guy who plays for the Rangers. What if it was just all the same guy? Oh, well, then I didn't watch the documentary all the way to the end. Yeah. Then you, yeah, Sean Avery finally got famous. Yeah. He called the judge a fatso. You're out of order, fat boy that's dialogue yeah um my overheard comes uh courtesy of the ferry uh this is a boat this is a boat that i

was riding on uh like a gondola but motorized and has cars on it yeah sure and um no italian man pushing it with a stick well you weren't on the boat you don't know um there was these two guys and we were we were sitting me and my parents were sitting and these two guys behind us were like the most the most hosiery guys that you're ever gonna meet you meet a lot of them on the ferry there's a lot of these guys maybe maybe fishermen maybe something like that sure guys with a thick canadian accent yes and they were talking hey are you gonna do the accent in your overheard probably not um but uh they uh were really struggling for conversation between the two of them i got a bunch of overheards out of them but this was my favorite was uh this is this is the guy trying to start a conversation so it's been complete silence for like a good 10 minutes and then he goes uh you ever google those sockeye

hatcheries and then his friend goes i've seen them TV. And then the guy goes, oh, you got to Google them. And then silence again. Well, I tried. Listen, I tried to start a conversation. You threw up a wall right away. Sockeye hatcheries. Yeah. Just Google image them.

And the fact that it's like, you got to Google them. Oh, you got to Bing these sockeye hatcheries, buddy. Is bing still going? Oh, bing's going strong. Do you bing it? You gotta. You gotta bing it. There's an Italian version.

It's bada bing. Hi-yo. Hi-yo. Hi-yo. I'm here all weekend, everybody. The touch of class. Touch my ass. Touch my ass. Touch my ass.

Did you see the thing where Jeb Bush told everyone to clap? Like he made this speech about what America needs to do, and there was silence, and this was to his supporters as he was campaigning. And he said, there was just like a beat of silence, and he said, please clap. That was your bottom bit. Please laugh.

Please laugh. I also really enjoyed the clip of Ted Cruz trying to kiss his teenage daughter. Yes, that was the greatest. You could tell that was the, he was like, I've never tried this before. We're going to try it in front of all these cameras. And the teenagers were like, what are you doing? Is she a teenager or is she being held up? Well's she's like i don't want this age so 10 and up i would say what do you think i i didn't what's the age where you're tired of getting kissed by ted cruz

for me it was really late plant one right here cruisy anyways I just really enjoyed that moment and it was captured on television for all time that's not looking good for Jeb no when it's your supporters please you missed the part where I riled you up

we also have overheard sent into us from around the world if you want to send one into us you can send it in to spy at maximum fun.org do you think that would suck to be jeb bush and like everyone in your family's been president and you're supposed to be president yeah yeah and you're like no i still got i got irons in the fire like yeah my brother was like set your fuck up and i'm the responsible one he did coke in college you guys know this yeah did you dad george did coke yeah i'm gonna sue him um now this first one uh comes from nick b from boston massachusetts wicked wicked awesome Boston, Massachusetts. Wicked. Wicked. Awesome. I was on the train waiting to leave the station when a large, kind of sheepish looking man stepped on.

As he walked down the aisle, I got a good look at his t-shirt. The middle of it had a graphic of a basketball in a basketball net and around it the words Big Daddy Living Large. Go hard or go home. Nice. Yeah, Livin' Large, Go Hard, or Go Home. Nice. Yeah, that is pretty good, right? Now, if my parents got me that from India, I wouldn't be the greatest. Yeah.

What is it, I'm a Yogi? I'm a Yogi. That's like one of those shirts that would be at like Target or Walmart that's just like general interest for a boy. This says sports. This says sports. Yeah. This is sports. Monster truck.

And it's a picture of a dinosaur eating a truck. And this next one comes from Dennis S. From Calgary, Alberta. This is where I think there's two of them. Sorry. One second. Okay. This is a husband and wife.

This is in the emergency room at the Delta Hospital. Okay. So this is visiting Vancouver or the outlying area. Fine. A woman has been in for an elbow injury. Her husband comes to pick her up. Husband says, so what happened? The woman, this is complete deadpan.

I fell and I bruised my hip, but that's fine. But I banged my elbow and I should have gone home. But at one, I went to the gym and did the elliptical trainer. Then at 2.15, I did the chicken dance, which made of aggravated it. Then at 2.15 I did the chicken dance Which made of egg-vated it And at 3 I entered an arm wrestling competition And then I did the Macarena And at 5 I did the Dougie

And at 6 I do-si-doed my partner Anyway, so you know That happens in a day Yeah You probably have great overheards in the hospital. Yeah. I was there for a dog bite one time. Not to brag.

Yeah. And some lady came in like through emergency and just had like a cup of her urine. And she just like goes right to the lady that's working there. And she goes, this is my urine. And the lady looks at her and she goes, ma'am, who are you? Well, look at my urine. I should be able to give you a clue. Don't you do urine tests here to determine who I am?

She's like, you tell me. That would be great if you had like amnesia. But before anything happened, you peed in a cup. Yeah, that was the last thing you remembered went to the hospital said i uh this is my pee from when i knew who i was does that make any difference can you find the memories in my feet is this my memory do i drink it do i get a bath my memory is clouded as is my urine although that is the way to uh to jump the line i think is if you come in with a cup of urine.

Oh, no, you go ahead. This is a turd on a stick. I found it. To the front of the line, sir. This last one comes from Craig E. in St. Paul, Minnesota. This is a friend's grandmother talking to her sister about her other late sister. Late as in dead?

As in dead. Okay. Ardell died in her sleep. Why did she always get what she wanted? Oh, my God. I mean, we should all be so lucky, right? To go like Ardell did. Yeah.

How do you guys want to go? Not awake. I want to be out of it. You want to be out of it you want me out of it yeah why why would there be why would you want any other one unless it's quick yeah yeah what if dying in your sleep is very painful and long i didn't know what to think about that like what if it's the worst what if you dream like, like, the worst scenario, and that's how you die? Because your heart stopped. Yeah, because you had a homework panic dream.

Yeah, right. Oh, no. I'm naked in class. Yeah, we got a huge erection. Oh, I don't know. Well, this is huge. Dream me is doing pretty well. Yeah, I mean, that's how I ideally want to come out with a huge erection.

It's got to be open casket. Yeah, and they have trouble putting the body bag over. Whoa, rigor mortis. Oh, wow. That's the one thing about your own death is that you won't be around for all the jokes that the people will be saying around you when you're when you're dead you know yeah you won't get to enjoy the but i hope people are like sad yeah and then but only some people have earned the right to make jokes like yeah yeah anyone who tries to add onto a joke i do on twitter you haven't

earned the right to make fun of me when I die. That's right. I would do a video before I died. What's that? I'm like, play this video. Oh, yeah. And it's just like me making jokes. It's just you trying to learn how to play guitar.

It's just like, hey, so if you're watching this, I'm dead. Could you imagine if I really wasn't? But seriously, I died. My mom's crying. Please clap. I'm dying up here. Am I right? In addition to overheards that are written in,

we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328. Like these people here. Hey, Dave, Graham, and probable guests. This is Eric T. from Vancouver with an overheard. I was just at a convenience store and saw about a six-year-old kid with his mom in there, and he pointed to an aquarium with a green and blue tropical little fish in it and said to the store owner,

does your fish have a name? And then the store owner says, oh, no, it doesn't. Do you want to name it? And the kid kind of cowered and looked up at his mom. And the mom said, well, do you want to name the fish? That'd be fun, right? And the kids whispered to his mom i was thinking we could eat it pretty good like live do you think or uh like a tropical fish i don't think a kid realizes those fins are real thin yeah like i think he thinks's going to taste like a bag of Skittles. Oh, cause it's so colorful. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Have you ever known somebody that ate like a goldfish, just like swallowed it? White people do that right now. Huh? White people do that. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was a craze. It was a craze. Steve-O did it a lot. Yes. Uh,

but I know I've never, and it's pretty, uh, I call him Steven. steven oh you're the first name yeah so that's well so am i like that's not a different part of his name you know steven like i know steven um yeah no i never have and i and i don't think i want i don't want to see it looks Looks, uh, looks really gross. Is it still alive?

Yeah. In your stomach acid? Well, I think once it hits the stomach acid. Right. But it's alive going down. Yeah. Wiggling around. That's, that's how I want to go.

You want to get swallowed by a giant? Yeah. Or you want to choke on a fish? You know what? Both. I want to get swallowed by a diet while choking on a fish here's your next uh phone call uh uh hey guys this is larissa from omaha and this is an overheard i heard today and what two women were talking behind me and one of the women is brand new at the job and they were talking about her name and how it was wrong and the

program they were doing whatever and her name is chas and woman was like oh like chas bono and she's like yeah that's literally who i'm named after chas bono she's like my parents love sunny and share which funny already And she was like, yeah. And the woman was like, oh, my name's Lisa. Lisa Marie, as in Elvis Presley. And they had this whole bonding moment over Chaz Bono and Lisa Marie songs. Anyway, bye. Yeah, I'm Chaz Bono.

You may know my dad or my mom. don't try and call me on the photo you used to call me on my chas boat late night when you needed my love um wow yeah because that's chas mono is the only chance yeah although well. Although. Well, Chaz Palminteri. Oh, yeah. Oh, me a culprit. Oh, yeah. And when I was like 12, my friends and I discovered a movie called Chaz and Vinny's Sex Adventure. Oh, I remember that. Yeah.

Speaking of that, I just watched My Cousin Vinny. Yeah, that, yeah. Yeah, that fits. Yeah, it works. Who was in that? Chaz and Vinny's Sex Adventure. Was it anybody? It was a softcore thing.

It wasn't a famous, like, there's no plot to it. Oh, there isn't? It's not like a sex role? like there's no plot to it oh there isn't it's not like a sex sex as i recall it is not it's just like naked lady like in slow motion for 15 minutes no sex or anything just like what if you look it up and it's like somebody's super like jake gyllenhaal was in it or something like that i guess he would have been a kid yeah he's our age and i was like 12. I guess he would have been a kid Yeah he's our age And I was like 12

Alright I'm named after Sonny Bono Oh that's right Yeah I'm named after He's like Gwen Stefani's boyfriend That's why I'm in here

Dirk My name's Bung Bung Yeah Yeah Creft Tron

Creft Tron Big ol' wobble wobble Wobble wobble. Wobble wobble. Blake Shelton. Yeah! There we go. Here's your final overheard.

Boom, boom. Hello, Dave, Graham, and lovely guests. This is Derek reporting from Nashville. My eight-year-old nephew just jumped up from the toy he was playing with in the living room, and he ran into the kitchen. He opened the trash can lid, turned around, and he farted into the trash can. He closed the lid, ran back into the living room, and started playing with his toys again. That's it.

Not bad. Wow, that's great. This is where that goes. Yeah, what a considerate kid. Yeah, it is. Super considerate. I mean, the intentions are good. Yeah, the fact that he didn't do it into a Tupperware and then put it back in the cupboard shows that that's a kid. That's a kid.

That's a kid. I'm looking up Chaz and Vinny's sex adventure. That guy's classy, man. But we're out of time, Graeme. You can't look it up. Oh, what? But what if I look up all cast and crew? It had a writer, so there must have been some sort of plot.

Was it Chaz or Vinny? It was Jeffrey Bazan. Oh, he's good's good yeah i wonder if he went on to anything uh nope he died everyone everyone in the movie died yeah it was like uh yeah it was like the crow it was like the one movie you made uh it's a long story all right um now that brings us to the end of this show sunny what besides you've got this tour coming up yes when does that start touch of class It's a long story Alright Now This brings us To the end of the show Sonny What You've got this tour Coming up

Yes When does that start Touch of class It starts tomorrow Tomorrow I'm in Ajax, Ontario Where This comes out

On Monday Okay well then That weekend I'll be in London, Ontario Oh yes Yeah And then I come back For a couple of shows

Oh February 21st Coquitlam Hard Rock Casino. I booked that show. Yeah, yeah. I've been on it. Yeah. And it's the first show that I'll be headlining. Nice. Yeah.

So I'll be there. You can see a dress that Taylor Swift wore one time. Yes. Yeah. And Shania Twain's. Yeah, yeah. That Don't Impress Me Much video. In the venue.

In the venue. Oh, the leopard print. Yeah, yeah. While you're on stage. Damn. Yeah, yeah. That don't impress me much video. In the venue. Oh, the leopard print. Yeah, yeah. While you're on stage. Damn. Yeah, yeah. That do impress me much. So yeah, the 21st.

21st. Okay. Yeah, tickets on Ticketmaster right now. The whole thing, like the top, the pants, the cape. Even, yeah. The luggage? Even like the hoodie. Yeah.

Yeah, it's there. And they have the video playing on a loop just so that you're like. During the show. Oh, wow. You can't get it. Yeah, you can't turn it off. I think that's special. I think that's something else.

That do impress me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. They actually have the boots from that other song. The bed under the boots? Yeah yeah yeah Whoa whoa whoa whoa They actually have the boots From that other song The bed under Yeah yeah yeah Right now

Let's go Yeah we're gonna They've got the full Shania All the Shania Shania outfits They've got They've got all the The portions of her shirt that were cut off to show that midriff. So thank you very much for being our guest.

Thank you for having me. And if you like the show, you should head over to MaximumFun.org. Check out the blog recap. Pictures and videos relating to the content of this podcast. The Shania Twain video. We talked about the. Don Cheadle. recap, pictures and videos relating to the content of this podcast. The Twayne video we talked about. Don Cheadle. Don Cheadle, sure.

Yeah, Air Jordan. Yogi wear. Oh, if I can find that picture of that Yogi shirt. I will send you exactly what it looked like. I'll find it today. This was on the front of the shirt. The Golden Temple. Oh yeah. We I'll find it today. This was on the front of the shirt. The golden temple. Yep.

Oh, yeah. We learned a lot here today. Yeah. It was a while ago. Yeah, not so much, not so funny, but educational. If I can find the video of that lady learning that her $20,000 necklace isn't worth anything. Oh, yeah. I would love that.

Golden turquoise. It's not worth nothing, but. What? Oh, boy, this lady. They're like the sentimental value. Oh yeah, sure, yeah. And thanks so much for being our guest. Thank you for listening to the show. If you like the show, tell your friends.

You can leave an iTunes review if you like. And yeah, anything else? Nah, just come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned.

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