Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 413 - Cynthia Hopkins

Episode Date: February 15, 2016

One-person show person Cynthia Hopkins joins us to talk wig fires, car washes, and sneaking into crime scenes.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody, welcome to episode number 413 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark, and with me as always is a man who's a master of crisscross applesauce, Mr. Dave Shumka. That's, um, sitting with your legs crossed? Yeah.

Like a little kid? Yeah, and you would do on somebody's back, right? Oh, I don't know that. Are you doing dot dot line line spider crawling up your spine? Yeah, yeah, you're trying to give the shiveries. Isn't that criss-cross applesauce spider crawling up? Criss-cross applesauce is when you sit like this as a kid. But what isn't criss-cross applesauce spider crawling up your back?

I thought that that's one. Applesauce spider crawling all across America. Hey everybody, get in line. Spider crawling up your spine. I always thought criss-cross applesauce was the chivalry thing. No, dot, dot, line, line, spider crawling up your spine. Tight squeeze, cool breeze.

Oh, see, we would go crisscross applesauce, spider crawling up your back. Tight squeeze, cool breeze. What rhymes with applesauce? Crisscross. Applesauce, spider crawling. Oh. You need to. Yeah, that would not be part of the rhyme scheme in my experience.

It was just spider crawling up your back. Crisscross applesauce. Let's listen to Diana Ross. That always gives me the shiveries. And our guest today, first time guest on the podcast. She is a musician. She is a one person show performer. She's making a face. She's making a face.

She's making a face. But I think this intro is going really well. One-person show person. One-person show person. Miss or Mrs. Cynthia Hopkins is our guest. Neither. Yeah, Cynthia, just plain old. Just plain old.

Welcome. Don't you ever need to fill out a form? Yeah, and I just leave that blank. Are you allowed to? I guess sometimes you're not. You're forced to choose. I'll pick master if it's ever. Oh, yeah, I do lord.

With an E at the end, like the singer? Yeah. And then the next question is, will you be a royal? Never. Check no. Hi, Cynthia. Welcome to Vancouver. Hi, thank you. Yeah,? Never. Check no. Hi, Cynthia. Welcome to Vancouver. Hi, thank you.

Yeah, and welcome to the podcast. I'm very excited and mildly intimidated to be here. Oh, you shouldn't be intimidated at all. Nobody listens to this. Oh, yeah. Oh, if that's what's in your way, don't worry about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you want to get to know us?

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Get to know us? Oh, yeah, absolutely. Get to know us. I introduced you as a one-person show person. Which, yes, I'm so happy to finally have a term. Yeah. And because you're doing a one-person show here in Vancouver for the Push Festival. That's right. And, like, this is a show you've done all over the place, I'm assuming?

Or is this first time ever doing this show? No, I've done it. I did it in Portland, where I got the most laughs. Okay. Is it a comedy? In my mind, it is. Okay. Not in the minds of every audience member who's ever seen it.

Right. So, for example, I did a run of the show in Westchester County, New York. Mm-hmm. And that audience was very, I would use, I can think of no other word to use than ancient. Oh, okay. Mm-hmm. Ancient. So they had wisdom on their side.

ancient. So they had wisdom on their side. And the first character, the first character I come out as is quite an ancient man, an old, old man. Right. And so that didn't, it just immediately didn't go over.

Oh, because they thought you were. Very well. With them. They're sensitive about it. It was like I was looking in a mirror at the, you know, the audience was, looked like I was dressed up to look. And so it was immediately. They looking in a mirror at that you know the audience was looked like i was dressed up to look and so it was immediately they thought you were in old face oh yeah you were

doing old it was like i was doing old yeah which i hadn't ever thought of that would could be offensive to anyone but then there was an audience that was seemed but i'd also seemed like i also come out very slowly and can listen to the audience coming in because I'm there while they're. And so I hear them talking to each other. And so I would hear them saying to one another, oh, remember the king and I? And I would be thinking. Remember the king and I. Oh, wow.

Oh, man, I hope they're not expecting, you know. Yeah. Anything like the King and I. But you would think if they were a bunch of oldsters and then somebody came out on stage dressed like an oldster, they'd be like, all right, King Leo. This is my cup of tea. Yeah, I don't know. This is my cup of polydent. Or maybe they...

Effort in? Yeah, you usually don't serve Polydent by the cup. But there's always a cup in those ads because they would put Polydent on the bottom of a cup to show how well it stuck. What is Polydent? Polydent is the... Oh, that's the thing you put in your... You put in your dentures to stick them to your gums. Yeah, it's like a rubbery cement.

How do you both know that? TV commercials. Yeah, and also like a rubbery cement. How do you both know that? TV commercials. Yeah, and also I've had older people in my life that have dentures. Yes. Yeah, it's weird. That stuff's like really, it's handy for like sticking, you know, like if a piece of wooden furniture broke, you can stick it together with polydent and it'll... If you don't have glue. Right.

But it's one of those life hacks. In the woods with no other substance. Yeah, you and your grandfather are stuck in the woods. There's no gum. Do we have any gum? No. I can't chew it because of my dentures. Aha.

It's like MacGyver. MacGyver. Did you guys watch MacGyver? Yes. I watched of MacGyver MacGyver Did you guys watch MacGyver? Yes I watched of MacGyver I know him more You know the general idea Yeah, I know more of him from references

Yeah Because in my memory Chewing gum was always an essential ingredient In whatever Absolutely Bomb or Spaceship It was your like binding agent It was your binding agent.

It's the binding agent. Yeah, yeah. And he was always trying to quit smoking. That's why he always had gum with him. That's true. Oh, if he just had cigarettes, he could probably trade them to the guy keeping him in prison or whatever. He would have a lighter that could solve the problem. Oh, yeah.

It's true. Trying to start a fire with gum very hard. So it didn't go over in, sorry, was it Westchester? Westchester County. Where's that? So that's north, it's north of New York. I didn't memorize all of my counties. Yeah, the only county I know is that one from Making a Murderer, the Manitowoc.

Oh, I know a few. I know King County and Seattle. Oh, yeah, I know a few. I know King County in Seattle. Oh, yeah, King County. Yeah. I know Cook County, Chicago. Dade County, Florida. Oh, yeah, Dade County. Miami Dade.

I know anyone that has a famous police, TV police crew. What's the one in CSI Las Vegas? Carson County? Maybe, yeah. No. Maybe. What county do you live in? Maybe, yeah. No. Maybe. What county do you live in?

Oh, boy. We're not county people here in this country. Yeah, we don't have counties. Oh, you don't have counties? No. This is an American phenomenon. Yeah, we don't have to... You don't need them.

Yeah, we don't have to, like, there's no sheriff who we have to pay. Because you're just peaceful Canadians. Well, I don't know what a county would do for me. Yeah, we have the RCMP, and they kind of cover everything that's not a city. So that's kind of our national resource. We don't have counties. We have Mounties. Yeah.

Oh! That's a handy way to remember what Canada is. Yeah. So it didn't go over in Westchester. As a comedy. As a comedy. You know what? It could be said that it was accepted as a tragedy.

Okay. Not as a travesty. Travesty. Although I did revert. It taught. although i did i did revert it taught it i had practiced a lot of improvisation there because i i i also just deteriorated over the weeks of performing there into directly addressing the people in the audience and saying like do you speak Like, do you... How long were you there for? That was three weeks.

Three weeks and no laughs. Yeah, I'm pretty sure there was not... And it was really amazing because, you know, like in Portland, a laugh a minute, you know. And then in New York, usually the audiences are a little more tougher. Right. New York City? New York, usually the audiences are a little more tougher. Right. New York City? New York City. Yeah.

They're a little more like don't really want to show their cards kind of. Right. Great poker town. Yeah. And then Denmark. I did it in Denmark at a circus school. Oh. Very, very recently.

Wow. How was that? How did it go over at the circus school? Like an experimental circus school. Oh, what? Very, very recently. Wow. How was that? How did it go over at the circus school? Like an experimental circus school. I like the sounds of this. And it went over great.

It went over really great there. How does a Denmark's experimental circus school find you, let alone anybody? Are you implying that circus is like an insular?

Or like, it's not like a fringe festival or something where you would apply. You know, a good point. It's just a friend of mine works there. Oh, okay. That's how you know. You gotta know somebody. Yeah, a bearded lady.

Circus nepotism. You got to know somebody. Yeah. A bearded lady. Circus nepotism. So you did like, I'm fascinated by this, doing this three weeks of shows and not get it. Cause I,

I had a similar experience in Edinburgh doing a show. And the first five or four or five shows, I didn't get any laughs. And there was a point at which i was just thinking like oh i'm just not funny anymore yeah i just lost it somewhere over the atlantic and yep and then i was kind of like oh well i'll just uh i'll just start a new life and uh i'll just do different things and did you feel like you were like it's's me, it's not just Westchester County? Oh, absolutely. I mean, almost immediately, that's what goes through my mind when I don't get a laugh. I was like, oh, I've entered the wrong profession.

But I mean, I take it to the bridge pretty fast. But like in a one-person show, you can play it off as whatever. Oh, I meant to do that. Yeah. Like it's not like you're not in a comedy club where the people came to laugh that's true yeah that's true because i've definitely been in the comedy clubs where i've seen the audience like oh these people will not like me and i'm right and then you're right yeah yeah sometimes you can call it a mile away and that's it's good

to have that ability to like gauge a room. But also you're just like, oh, brother. No, I knew before anybody else. Well, our best, my best story of that is the first time I did a show outside of Vancouver proper. It was in the suburbs. And Graham and I pulled, Graham was the headliner and I was the opener. And we pulled into the parking lot and you turned to me and said, now, Dave, the audience may call you a fag. And before I even reached the microphone.

Yeah. Out of the gate. Out of the gate. That's our Westchester camp. Graham's got a different kind of gaydar. He can sense homophobia. Yes. That is useful.

Useful tool. Ability. Yeah. I mean, that's the advantage. That may be the only advantage to doing, working in the avant-garde performance realm rather than the comedy realm is that if you think you're doing a comedy and the audience does not you can sort of say maybe it's not a maybe it's not a comedy right yeah like i discovered this is my process yeah i charted this as a comedy but whatever whatever. It's more of an alternative circus. It's got an arc.

And how was Denmark? Was that cool? Yeah, that was great. That was really great. Because I also, the last experience I had had was the Westchester County. So I had come to the conclusion that it just is not, it just is not it's maybe not funny at all right maybe it was a fluke that other people had laughed maybe it's a trap you know i had just kind of gotten i had gotten accustomed to the dead i mean it was it was like i mean they look

they were very old so they also looked like a little bit like corpses or you could stake them for corpses. Sure. And then when their mouths are in their mouths kind of would hang open and no. That's very spooky. It was. It was spooky. I mean, I also took to recording videotaping the audience just so I could have a record of what was. And anyway, so by the time i got to denmark i was

like ready for the worst i was prepared for the worst yeah um and also it was a foreign language it was the first time i had done it somewhere where the first language and you had to learn danish like i don't know if they're going to understand the way I pronounce it. They're not going to like all these jokes about Eric the Red or whomever. I'm not theater people. And I imagine your Westchester audience, like that is the prototypical theater person I imagine is like, you know, people in their 70s. Well, yes, that's the prototypical theater audience, which is why we've all just got to get out of the theater as fast as possible. They're going the way of the dodo.

Unless we're seeing Hamilton or whatever. Yes. Unless it's something very cool. Yeah, why is Hamilton so cool? Why, how did that happen? Like, it just was nothing and then all of a sudden everybody knew what it was

and I feel like I think something is always cool on Broadway. Yeah, that's true. Oh, yeah, yeah. There's always something brewing.

Uh-huh. Yeah, okay. And then by the time I find out about it, it's already You can't get a ticket. Yeah, that's right. Oh, okay. And then by the time I find out about it, it's already... You can't get a ticket. Yeah, that's right. Oh, man.

Yeah, if it's not a Hamilton, it's Fun Home or Book of Mormon or Cats. Cats was very cool for 30 years. I remember when Rent was cool. Remember when Rent was cool? Yes, and then there's the parody of Rent in the America. In Team America? Yeah, Team America. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. That's really good. That's where they find their actor. Yeah. Yeah. I love that movie. Yeah, me too. And it's so funny that I read an interview with Matt Stone and Trey Parker.

They did it with puppets because they just didn't like dealing with actors. Nice. I never heard that. And like two days into the shoot, they were like, this is a horrible mistake. Oh, just because it's so cumbersome? They said it was just impossible. Like they hired these great puppeteers, but even with the best puppeteers, they're like, oh, this is a nightmare. They forgot about the puppeteers. Yeah. And they stilleteers they're like oh this is a nightmare they forgot about the puppeteers

yeah and they still had to have actors do the voices and everything they were mostly the voices yeah that's true

but they yeah like the best parts are when the puppets can't do the stuff yes it's like the sex scene

and the barfing scene but I think they only realized that during the making of it like oh the puppets can't cannot do that. A puppet can't pick up a thing.

Like, you have to cut away, and then the thing is already in the hand. But they did keep it in, like a puppet dancing over to a device and whatever. Oh, boy. Trying to step into a car. Yeah, like, I don't, like, pupp is have you do you see a lot of puppetry i'm assuming because you're in the theater world you're a theater person god there's anything it's just so embarrassing i should just i should just pretend i should just try to erase my whole theatrical history no it's no no no this is. This is when it comes in handy.

How much do you think more puppetry than the average person? Well, I probably have. Although I guess those are marionettes. And they do not want you to call them puppets? Oh, I didn't. See, you know more about puppetry.

Well, I'm making that up. But you know, I didn't. Oh, that I didn't. See, you know more about puppetry. Well, I'm making that up. But, you know, I could go a whole year, not see a puppet show, not even think about it. Do you know what I mean? Like at the end of the year, I never think like, ah. Oh, my life feels incomplete. I didn't see one puppet show. You're looking at the year-end list of the best puppet shows. I didn't see any of these.

Yeah, and then the cool puppet show. I'm going to get tickets for that. Rent puppet live. Oh, boy. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe I should get into puppets. Maybe that'll be my new thing.

I mean, I was into them when I was a kid. I thought they were the greatest. Yeah? Is that weird? Is that a weird thing to be into as a kid i thought they were the greatest oh yeah is that weird is that a weird thing to be like the the mr rogers puppets oh my gosh yeah and then oh yeah and then the muppets right and those were a little bit and muppets are puppets ah yeah controversial stance i guess it's i've never gone a year without seeing muppets no that's true i always make time to see although Although, I haven't seen that new Muppets show.

I know. Did it not go very well? Is it still on? I think it's still on. I had high hopes. I had high hopes. For adults? Yeah. I think it's supposed to be like a Larry Sanders-esque

Muppet caper. Everything they do turns into a game sure um but yeah i don't know like the generation before muppets came around they only had howdy duty as their but they also were no they had plenty of puppets i'm sure oh yeah you're punching judy's yeah you're like local puppets. Oh, yeah. That's true. Local TV head puppets. Or just like walking down the street, street puppets. Yeah.

Like that's something I never see busking wise. There's always a person with a guitar. There's never anybody with just puppets. With a little stage. Yeah. That would be the best. That would be the best. I don't know how we got on this puppet track.

And I don't know how to get us back on a regular track. That's the hardest part. So we're just going to keep talking puppets. They take over. They do take over. Yeah. So it went very well at this. Denmark.

In Denmark. Yes. Was that where you were last? That is the last place I did it. So now I'm trying to lower my expectations again. For here? For here, yeah. Because who knows?

No, I think here will be good. I think, yeah. And this festival is very well attended. Although I don't really know what the festival is. I guess it's experimental theater stuff. The guy, I called, I changed my flight so I could be on your show. Thank you. We appreciate it.

So I'm so, for me, this is like, it gives me a little bit of empathy for people who like see TV stars on the street in New York. You live in New York. And so you'd be like, oh my God, it's the guy from. Law and Order. There's Jackie. Yeah, right. Or whatever. In New York, you live in New York, and so you'd be like, oh, my God, it's the guy from. Law and Order. There's Jackie. Yeah, right, or whatever. And I'm always, like, secretly ashamed of being a human at that moment, you know, because it's like the poor guy is at the bank.

Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. He's trying to live his life. Yeah, he's trying to live his life. Yeah, he's trying to live his life. And to him, it's like when I was, I had this job as a barista for a while at Dean and DeLuca when I was like 18. Is that the place across from NBC? Oh, it could be. Oh, okay. It's a chain.

Oh, okay. In New York. I know I see it in the background of the Today Show. Oh, I'm not sure. Not sure about that. But there used to be one on university place and i worked there and it was my day off and so i was just walking down the street minding my business and somebody from across the street pointed and yelled hey it's the dean and deluca

girl it's like no you can't you can't you can't do that you can't that's not i'm not the dean in in new york where especially people like you know everyone can just walk down the street yeah yeah yeah right if there's a one saving grace of new york left you know it's be that you can be just left alone and you can't and you can't you can be just left alone. You can be anybody. And you can't, and you can't, you can be anybody. You can be left alone and you can't. Like I had a tourist one time say, can you just move just like a little bit? I'm trying to take a picture. He was trying to take a picture of something behind me. Right.

And I was like, you can't do that here. Yeah. You can't ask someone to move. He's like, no. Oh, wow. Yeah. No, I will not. But now why did I start talking about it? Oh, because you're starstruck. Oh, wow. Yeah. No, I will not. But now why did I start talking about it?

Because you're starstruck. Oh, yeah. I'm starstruck in this situation. But we're just trying to live our lives. Yeah. You're just, and right. And you're just trying to live your life. And you can't ask me to move.

Yeah. And I'm not the Deed and DeLuca girl. No. Well, there you go. So I'm talking to the Air Canada representative. And he, first of all, I mean, this is like every interaction I have with Canadians. I'm like, I just want to move here because they're, or it's like creepy because they're pretending to be nice. Yeah.

Is that what it really is? Well, in my case, I'm not great at it. Oh, this guy, he really, he, he pulled it off and he, he went away from the phone for a long time. And then he came back and said, well, I found you a flight that's the same time, but it would cost you, you know, a hundred dollars, but then I found you a flight. It's a little bit later in the day, but it, it would only cost you $6 hundred dollars but then i found you a flight it's a little bit later in the day but it it would only cost you six dollars to change and what would you like to do and in america you would just you would never know about that other oh oh they would just tell you about that yeah you know them's the breaks like i've got i'm trying to you got that

dean and deluca money i'm trying to look on instagram or whatever i don't have time to look for your flight for you. But this guy, then he says, he notices that the push festival is why I'm going. And he says, pardon my ignorance. Oh. Ah. But what is the push festival? Like, pardon my ignorance. And you know, all of the, like, people in call centers here are prison inmates.

So those are our, our like baddest dudes. Would it be inelegant of me to ask? How uncouth. Yeah. And then when you described the festival, did he, was he like, oh, that sounds interesting. He said, yes, he said, that sounds interesting. I will check it out when I am released.

I'll be sure and attend. Oh, that's really cool. I'm glad to hear that. Even our customer service is thoroughly Canadian. And you're doing the show. You've got, I'm imagining imagining a trunk full of wigs. Oh yeah. And you have to pack it all up for one show.

And you're like, is it weird to go through the border? No. Does anyone ask? Yeah. Yeah. So, well, first of all, what the show is about is actually that I used to do these shows that wasn't a trunk full of wigs. It was like a container that shipping full of wigs. It was like a container, a shipping container of wigs. And plus also 15 people and, you know.

Wow. Talk about actors, dealing with actors and musicians and people. Oh, so 15 people in a shipping container. Oh, it would be in the, so it was not a one person show person it was like like a full-on it was a human traffic oh it's human trafficking exactly how yeah and so um so now with this show i thought oh i this is my rule i had a rule at the beginning i'm not hiring anybody i'm not spending any money in service to the subject matter of the show which is like i can't how am i going to make a living question right you're doing

this carting around carting around all this wigs wigs yeah those wigs are you know if you get a nice wig i mean it's gonna run you it's gonna's going to run you some. Oh, yeah. You got to get those. Yeah. What is a nice wig? We asked a guest three or four weeks ago because he, Tom Hill moved in. Yeah. He's got a lot of wigs. With his girlfriend and they both have wigs. And so they had to. They mingled their wig collection.

So I will ask you. They mingled their wingles. What is your best wig? Yeah. What is your best wig yeah what is your best wig well the best wig now i don't want to divert too much from this from this this could send us down a really a rabbit hole yeah yeah that's where i want to go i used to have i might start crying i used to have an incredible wig collection i mean probably hundreds of wigs really yes and my favorite one was one that was all feathers it was actually just feathers and

there was no hair involved and from a distance and in fact i think it's the picture for the for the festival is using and that's but black black it's like a black feather so from a distance it looked like an afro. Right. But then you would get up close to it, and if you touched it, very soft, wonderful. Also very warm, I imagine. And if you, actually for a wig, it was on the breezy side. Oh. Because a downside of wigs is they can be, some of them don't breathe so well. I would have thought a feather wig would be at the downside

thank you yes you're welcome you there but there was a catastrophic fire that burned my apartment and workspace and everything oh no i know how long ago was that in may in may but it was as if it was as if I had been on a decluttering mission leading up to this fire. It was as if I had secretly manifested this fire. But don't tell the insurance company. Don't tell the insurance company. Well, I mean, first of all, the guy, the point of origin inspector. So this is a job.

This is all the guy does. He goes around and looks at the scenes of fires and says, that's started That's how it started Oh I want to do that Oh right That's what I want to do for a job I know I was like

Oh that's a That's a profession Yeah cause I like going I'm always looking for Alternative Yeah Yeah Profession

And also Anytime somebody's like Oh there's a building That caught on fire I'm always like Oh let's go look at it Let's go I want

Exactly Let's go nose around I'm totally fascinated Oh it's tough man Cause it's always like let's go look at it let's go nose around but it's it's tough man because it's always like if you lose your job it's like how do you find

are they hiring point of origin inspectors anywhere here's the great thing you're never going to be out of a job you're never going to be out of work

because there's always going to be things burning down and what was what did he say he took one look at the scene of the fire

which was my office. In fact, the fire started in my costume rack. This is where it relates back to the wigs. Oh, wow. In your electric coat. Yeah. Well, my, in my studio, well, you know, I lived in, I lived in New York. And so our space was, all spaces were multi-purpose.

Right. And so our space was, all spaces were multi-purpose. Right. So everything is on multi-purpose. A studio, kitchen, bathroom, all in one. Right. And so this was an office, costume, storage. Bathroom. And it had, I will admit, ancient, just to use the word ancient again, extension cords and power strips.

I mean, it had extension cords. I'm 43. It had extension cords from probably before I was born. So these have made them been 50, 60, 70 year old extension cords. Oh, are we talking about like a cloth covered extension cord? One of those guys? Oh, yeah. Like a real old time extension cord yeah and so um and so and

there were and there were like things like a router plugged in back there that have electricity surging of course yeah through them 24 hours a day seven and so anyway this guy and so there was no trace left of this of this area oh it was just a pile of ashes on the ground oh wow so that makes the point of origin job very difficult well and you could see this black the blackness spreading out from this one it wasn't i mean it was a little bit like i could do this right right guys can see the point. Yeah, yeah. I'm bored. But he did say, first he looks at it, he goes, eh, it's electrical. And then. He's seen it all.

He's like, yeah. And then he takes a little, he goes and wanders, you know, clomps over the ash pile to the, and he picks up like a little remnant, like a fringe sprizzled bit of something. He's like, eh, this is it. Fine. Power strip.

He's like, I don't have it. And then he said, I don't use power strips. Oh, really? I see. I know. So now everybody who hears this is going to be like, I'm going to get rid of all my power strips. Don't look at this for a right now. How long have those been here?

Oh, wow. Two questions. One, point of origin inspector. Yeah. When they Google looking for jobs online. They call themselves poo inspectors. Yeah, exactly. Do they ever look up Poo inspector And find

And find the worst jobs Yep Yep Different Different training Manual Seven years of medical school Oh that's

That's it I'm glad we went down The same path Absolutely And the other one Is there anything worse Than the smell of a wig fire Oh man I hope not Cause I'm telling you The stench was Absolutely. And the other one, is there anything worse than the smell of a wig fire? Oh, man.

I hope not, because I'm telling you the stench was, yeah, there's some synthetic substances in those. I would be worried about the natural. Oh, the natural hair, the natural burning hair. Would smell pretty. There were some that were natural hair, and the natural hair wigsigs are the more they're they're more pricey yeah uh options i smell it all the time yeah like i burn the hair burning your that my hands doing what yeah i have a gas stove oh and like i don't even notice like i'll be moving a pot and i'll smell it and i'm like, oh, they burned it off. I don't know it well. So are you not glad, but are you

relieved to have less wigs in your life? Are you looking to reassemble the wigs you own end up owning you? Oh yeah, the five wigs you meet in heaven. It's so true. I mean, my I

have never seen that hoarders show but i i mean i i'm a low level a hoarder and so i i had trouble well like when i was decluttering i had to first of all i had to get help somebody helped me because i couldn't let go of anything. And I was trying to make room, space. Yeah. You know. Yeah. Well, I can clutter. Isn't there a big movement in the last year based on this Japanese?

Yes. I just read that book. Oh, a decluttering book? The magic, the life-changing magic of tidying up is what it's called. I have so many books I haven't read that it would just be added to that box. It would really clutter up your- Yeah, like I buy books that look nice on a shelf or in a Kindle. Yeah.

See, cluttering is something I think you do need to bring somebody else in who can say you're being insane for holding on to this thing. Yes, and case in point i i was sitting sort of just months before exactly i was sitting with my this friend was month a couple of months before the fire and i was holding in my hand an envelope like a torn dirty envelope with nothing in it that had the word cash scrawled almost like illegibly across it in my father's handwriting. Cause it had been an envelope he had kept. He was,

he was a high level. If like, if I'm a low level hoarder, he was like a classifiable quantifiable. Yeah. Or quantifiable. Certifiable. No quantifiable hoarder

yeah and I was like I can't she's like that is trash you know and I'm like

I know it's I can't it's cash it's cash cash envelope yeah and then in

I will I can't believe I'm gonna say this to you guys but I am sure I'm just gonna

get it out there. In the months, and this is not to freak you out or anything like that, but in the months leading up to the fire, I would picture going to sleep every night, I would picture in my mind sitting, I was trying to generate the energy of decluttering. And so I would picture myself sitting on a beach with sunlight shining down on me

and all of the clutter floating away on the breeze like ashes in the wind. Wow. How prescient. I know. And so I did think. Was this an exercise that you did? Or was it involuntary?

No, no, no, it wasn't involuntary. No, it was very voluntary. It was extremely voluntary because I was trying to get up the gumption to let this stuff go. And so, yes, it was, it was in many ways, it was also a relief in that, you know, in New York, I'm about to move out of New York because the fire was the last straw. That's a good time to leave though, post-fire. Well, the fire, yes. It's a sign. Perfect.

And it's a sign. And it was like, oh, it's the license to, it's the license. Yeah, yeah. Because we had, here's what happens when you live and i lived in brooklyn for 20 years and when you live there long enough like we had my husband and i had lived there for 10 years and then we got we fell into this place too huge of this pit this fire pit an artisanal huge floors for you know very little. And so we would have stayed there for the rest of our lives, even though it was basically not insulated. Right.

Really at all. It was like whatever the temperature was outside, it was that temperature inside. And you could feel the air moving through the solid wall. That's not good. That is not good. Through the solid wall. That's not good. That is not good.

It's too late in the century. Exactly. Like a weave for a shelter. Yeah. You know, keeps out the. And so you made. Yeah. The outside separates the outside. That's the only thing shelter should do.

Yeah. And then we. So you created this wig insulation there we lived above um a dance very popular dance club okay bridge and tunnel dance club called membe and it outside so people outside every night it didn't matter the weather it didn't matter the day of the year, the season, anything. Rain, cold, sleep, you know. Post office.

Yeah, postal workers. The postal worker weathers. So always nice. Yelling. Yeah, every. And just sweat coming up through the floor. Yeah. Oh, man.

Yeah. And in fact, a couple weeks before the fire, And in fact, a couple weeks before the fire, I was buying earplugs because I had warrior plugs to bed every night for 10 years. And the conversations that we would overhear would be like, say that again. Come back here and say that again. What did you say? Say that again. What'd you say? Say that again. And so I was buying these earplugs and the girl across the counter said,

what are those? I said, they're earplugs. And she said, what do you need those for? And I said, well, I could have a puppet. This is New York. You can't ask me that. Yeah, yeah. Also, they're for my ears.

So I described my situation and she says, why don't you move? I said, well, you know, it's a lot of space for a little money within there. And she said, how long have you lived there? I said, 10 years. She goes, 10 years? There's a horrified look on her face. And I was like, wow, you got a point.

Like maybe we should move. But we can't move because we have all these wigs and, you know. Not anymore. Oh, yeah. So where are you moving to? Philadelphia. Ah. Rocky Town.

City of brotherly love. Yeah, that's the stuff. That'll be fun. Get in shape. Yeah. Probably. Every day. Yeah, Philadelphia, America's most in shape city from what i gather

she eat all the cheese steaks you want as long as you make it to the top america's stairmaster oh man uh dave what's going on with you man well a couple of things i forgot to talk about this on last week's episode but uh we actually recorded that yesterday and two days ago it was groundhog day oh yes and when did they start coming out with all these groundhogs because it seems to me that it was one groundhog for a while punxsutawney phil well and then canada always had its own. Wyreton Willie. Wyreton Willie. But there are dozens. Yeah, that surprised me.

I always thought there was two. And they never agree. There's not like a council of groundhogs. And Wyreton Willie died like three days before Groundhog Day or something. This year? This year, yeah. Real actual? Yeah.

And there's Shubinook Sam or something. Oh, really? In Nova Scotia. Oh, we have more than one? We have a lot here, yeah. Oh, wow. That's weird. I thought there was just the two.

I'm very surprised that there's like a whole. That song, Just the Two of Us, was about those two famous groundhogs uniting Canada and America. Yeah, seeing our shadows in the sky. So that happened. Oh, yeah. I know. And what was the verdict?

Now that there are so many groundhogs, it's meaningless. Oh, yeah. Because some of them see their shadow, which means winter's still on its way. Still here. And some of them don't. And so it's just like, eh, it's a draw again this year. Yeah. Also, the seasons are determined by our proximity to the sun, so a groundhog doesn't change that.

And the other thing, I had this great idea the other day for a, like a new type of entertainment. Okay. Now, here in Vancouver, at the planetarium, you used to go to see Laser Floyd and Laser Zeppelin, Laser Radiohead. Yeah. I think I only ever went. Was there ever laser grease? Did you go see a laser grease? I think the only time I ever went was laser, like it was in the late 90s and it was laser modern rock.

Oh, cool. So I had laser green day, laser, you know, smashing pumpkins, all in one laser show. Do you ever go to any of these? Like a laser? No, I've never even heard of this form of entertainment. Really? No. Wow.

How to describe to somebody who has never been to a laser. Have you been to a planetarium? I have, yes. And seen like a star light show on the ceiling. Yes. It's that, except they do like, you know, they laser the shape of a star. It sounds fantastic. Yeah.

And then it's in to the music. Yeah. To the music of Pink Floyd generally. Yeah. And they do, it's really great for teens who are smoking pot. Yeah. It's a really good, it gives a place.

How many, you know, you could, I mean, just a form of entertainment for kids smoking pot, you could come up with a lot of things. Oh, yeah, absolutely. And a lot, and we have a lot.

And I think it's great for the planetarium who's like, they just have this space at night. Uh-huh. Oh, yeah. You know, that nobody's using. And then they're like, well, teens are getting high at night. How can we make this work? And on Fridays

and Saturdays, they can't get their shit together to go see a movie because those are the busiest nights of the movie theater. Oh, yeah.

Can you save a seat for eight of my friends that were getting high outside? That's what I had to do many times. They're going to be in 40 minutes late to the movie but they'll enjoy it um but uh uh the other day i went and i uh washed my car at the gas station there's a little car wash behind it and i'd never seen this kind of thing but it had lights on it oh and it was like

a little bit disco so you go in and the there's like blue leds and then everything changes to red and something's like the things are spinning around your car and i think they should like maybe it'll be like a drive-in car wash that you sit there for 45 minutes. Yeah. It washes your cars, like a field full of cars, like a drive-in movie theater. Uh-huh. To the music of whomever. Yeah.

Different. Yeah. And then you just tune your radio to the. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's fun. And like, I was like, it was, it was like an eight minute car wash. It took forever. I was, like, it was, it was like an eight minute car wash. It took forever.

I was late to where I was going. But it, like I was going through the channels on my radio to see what would sync up with the. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it ended up being a hit me with your best shot. That's a great car wash song. It's such a good car wash song. Oh, man. Just going through a car wash is exciting it is

exciting yeah um and uh we have a baby and so we like every time we do something new like we have to videotape it so it's like good make her taste a lemon videotape oh she likes it oh that's not that's no fun and then the first time we went through a car wash we're like oh maybe she'll freak out videotape it no nothing just was yeah i remember going through car washes as a little kid and thinking it was it was such a sensory like because it would the big brush would come down and kind of rock the car a little and uh yeah and then the hot wax like it would be steaming off of the car oh man and you're always worried like that that uh that force within your body the thing that you're always resisting like pulling down a uh a fire alarm yeah i in a

car wash you're like maybe i'll open the window. Yes. Yeah. It's always a little. Just for the rush. Yeah, just like an inner turmoil with yourself. Don't do it, Dave. Yeah, I didn't fold in my mirrors. But I remember it being like driving into the car wash with one of my parents. And then it was just, it was like, it was like fun.

It was like fun, but it wasn't, there was nothing actually fun going on. But it was like it was like fun it was like fun but it wasn't there was nothing actually fun going on but it was like something weird that was going on so you're like oh i'm having it is fun it's so fun yeah yeah that's the word i would use yeah yeah and then uh when i had a car we the like kind of automatic before it caught fire before it caught on fire point of origin the car um uh we switched to the get out of your car and do your own right car wash because like the the automatic ones kind of went out of vogue in calgary and then those like do-it-yourself ones were everywhere oh that's great in minus 40 oh i know but they were a lot of fun because you could spray whoever you're with that's kind of a fun bonding moment it's weird that there's like so many types of car washes

there's the wash it yourself there's the have a guy scrub it oh yeah there's the go in and park your car and it does stuff all around you there's the go in and park your car, and it does stuff all around you. There's the go in, leave it in neutral, and we'll drag you through a thing. Yeah. Really fun. I've never had it. That's another one where it's like that sensation of like, I should be pressing the brake right now.

Oh, no, it'll ruin everything. I'll crash into all this equipment. It is weird, and it's one of those things that it's like it's totally unnecessary to wash your car i mean it's a luxury item it's a luxury item it is a luxury item and i always thought it was like a luxury to go like you would uh sometimes fill up your car with gas and then you would get you would they would ask you if you want a car wash yeah and like for a cup or sometimes it would just be like on a Sunday. It would be like free car wash with fill up.

And then the fill up would come up. And you're like, oh, no. He's wearing a bikini. Don't mind if I just rub this on the glove. Happy ending. Car wash. Graham, what's going on with you? Well your story about the wig fire Reminded me of

The wig The wig fire The great wig fire of New York Oh yeah Oh that sounds like a Subject Stephen's album This past weekend I talked about a bit last uh podcast i was in victoria visiting my grandmother and my parents were over there visiting so it was a big big old visit and bov

absolutely inspector um and uh at one point uh my parents and I went out for a walk just to walk around, uh, my grandparents, old neighborhood that they used to live in. We saw their old house. And then my mom said, oh, if we walk up the hill, there was a big fire at this giant house, like two or three nights ago. And the sirens going all night. And so we walked up the hill to see this house and it was crazy. Like I've never seen, like I've seen a lot of houses that have had fires in them and you can't really see a ton of stuff because they board up the windows pretty quickly.

And this had only been half, uh, boarded up and the rest you could see through the windows, the whole roof had caved in. And, uh, but like there was still stuff in there. Like there was still,

uh, you could see all the, like, you know, wood finishing and everything. So it still looked like a place, except it was all black. And so I,

I wanted to get a closer look so i went underneath the do not cross tape whoa whoa whoa yeah yeah yeah that's not just a suggestion i know that's not just stuff they put up at halloween but i went under it and i opened the gate and i went down to the house and uh yeah i got some photos through the window so I could see like I zoomed in so I could see like oh what is that oh no you're like a nightcrawler yeah I was a nightcrawler and my mom the whole time was like don't Graham don't get back here she was she was losing it and then we we went around to the other side of the house and I I guess the story was that my dad had heard from somebody that it was abandoned. So it wasn't like nobody perished or anything.

But that there had been a woman living there. Squatting? No, like the last tenant who left. And she was like a cat lady cat lady she had a lot of cats and so we were we walked around to the other side of the house and we were kind of looking trying to look through the windows and then a van pulled up and right away my mom thought it was somebody who saw me going under the tape and like, you know, like it was like the fire tape people were like, what do you think this tape is for? Yeah.

And and so and he walked over to us and he was from animal control. Oh, and he said, oh, yeah, I heard this house burned down. This is like a like it was like a famous house in animal control circles. OK. Because of this woman with the cat. Right. And my dad said, yeah, I heard she had like over 30 cats. And the guy was like, yeah, like way over.

My dad was like, how over? 40? The guy's like, way over. 60? More than that. And it was a huge house. And she was the only one living in it. Did he have a number?

No. Did you ever settle on a number with this guy? He said, I'm thinking of a number. I'm writing it down. But he showed you a picture of, he showed you a jar full of jelly beans. How many jelly beans are in here? So anyways, it was just fun to like go first of all it's really fun to go under the do not cross tape that i suggest everybody do that always because it's

more fun than a bag of cats absolutely and uh and then yeah we thought we were gonna get busted by this dude but he just wanted to come and check out the old cat house. Yeah. Okay. But the cats weren't involved in the fire. No, no, no. As far as anybody knows. Well, and then the guy, somebody was talking about it. It wasn't the animal control guy, but my dad was talking to somebody who said they had applied for a permit to. Kill a bunch of cats. And to like redo the house.

And then the permit was denied. And. The owner was like, I'm moving to Philadelphia. Yeah. Well, it was one of these things where it was like the permit was denied to like fix. To like change the whole house. And they had to maintain the like character of the house. And then like.

The heritage house. Yeah. Three days later it went up in smoke. Oh, okay. So now it's a bulldoze proposition. So there was, I bet the poo inspector was busier than Laura Dern in Jurassic Park. Two different types of poo inspectors. That's really great.

Question. Yeah. In that song where they're like, we don't need no water, let the motherfucker burn. Yeah. Because the roof is on fire. Yeah. From before. Uh-huh.

Why won't they just put that fire out? No. When they got against the roof. Because, you know, once the roofs open up, then they can see into the stars. Oh, sure. Because some people are lying in the gutters, but they're staring up through the... Yeah, who's that? Oscar Wilde.

I want to say that, too. And the other funny thing that happened in Victoria was my parents, they're staying in this rental house. It was just like a real shoddy house, but has a beautiful view. So that was kind of like how they were renting out the house. Looking at the stars. Yeah. You can see the ocean. Fantastic.

But everything in the house like kind of didn't work and whatever. And there was no internet. And so, man, it was like being up at a cottage. But it was in a city. Yeah. Like other people were. But don't they have phones? Don't they have data because i was close uh to uh whatever it's called port angeles or whatever washington yeah i was in american oh phone space so no phones no motor cars not a single luxury

like robinson crusoe yeah. So we had nothing at night when you couldn't see the view anymore. There was nothing to do. So I bought a DVD at a drugstore. I honestly thought you were going to be like,

so I bought a flashlight and we told scary stories and I made shadow puppets. Because we didn't know what else to do. So I bought, bought like you know at drugstores they have a bin of the best dvds yeah so i bought i bought like three it was three dvds in one package they're all in the uh bring it on franchise it was 310 to yuma was one of them. Yumo? Yeah, Yumo. Tickle me, Yumo.

And what was the other movie? Lawless, it was called, and then one called Appaloosa. Anyways, watch Lawless. Really boring. Who's in that? Tom Hardy and Shia LaBeouf. They're like gangsters? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, rum runners. Anyways, it's not good. But then the next day, I came back to Vancouver, and my mom texted me a picture. She's like, ah, look what I found in the closet after you left. And she found a board game that was Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego. Oh, man. That would have cured our problem right away. Thanks, Mom.

Yeah, she's Louise, Mom. So anyways. How do you cope in a cottage? I'm wondering. Yeah, I'm sitting here thinking about that and wondering, do people play board games anymore? Because we used to play board games. There was a cottage. Industry. Of selling board games to people going to a cottage.

Used to be. Yeah. Did you, were you a cottage person growing up? Did you go to a- There was this, it wasn't a cottage. It was a farmhouse in New Hampshire. I grew up in Massachusetts. And there was a farmhouse in New Hampshire we would go to

and we would play. That's all we would do. Well, Dungeons and Dragons. But that's, is that's not, that's mostly in your imagination isn't it dungeons and dragons or is it an actual board no no well dungeons and dragons first of all i don't know why that popped out of my mouth before anything else why was that the first thing i was not allowed i was not i my brother was older and we had these friends who were even older and so i was the littlest one and I was not like the only episode of the Dungeons and Dragons. I don't even know, really understand it.

The game, all I know is that I joined it. I was very little and I got turned into an egg and stepped on almost immediately. And then I. Oh man, that's how you treat a sibling. But then we did a lot of Ouija board. Oh, fun. Yeah, Ouija board's fun. And that was incredible.

We had some very, really mystical moments with the Ouija board. Oh, sure. Yeah. The glass would, one time the glass spun around. We would use an actual glass, not the plastic. Okay. Like a turned over glass. And you put your ear to it and you can hear what's going on

on the other side of the floor. And it went, and then it smashed against the wall. On its own? I mean dramatic things like that would happen in this farmhouse. It poltergeisted? It started, our fingers were on it.

Okay. It started to move around in a circle. The circle sped up. Yeah. Sped up more and more and more and more and then shot across. Somebody pushed it. Oh, well. You're a non-believer.

I've never Ouija boarded. Well, there you go. I waterboarded. Yeah, yeah. I skimboarded. Do you think they would have found Bin Laden faster if they just Ouija boarded. Well, there you go. I waterboarded. Yeah, yeah. I skimboarded. Do you think they would have found Bin Laden faster if they just Ouija boarded? Yes. I, yeah, I Ouija.

Zero dark Ouija. After What's That Movie? The Craft came out. Everybody was Ouija-ing all over the place. Everybody was spending their. That's another thing. Great thing for high teens. Ouija board. I should write a magazine for high teens.

High teens! High teens magazine! Yeah, it's like you put it next to like Sassy Magazine and Seventeen Magazine and it's just like everyone's eyes are bloodshot. Is this a quiz? Take our quiz.

Watch this weird Shia LaBeouf video he made in our magazine. Yeah, it comes with a CD-ROM insert. Oh, man. Oh, boy. Do you guys want to move on to a little bit of business? Oh, yes. Life can be fun. Don't get carried away. You got to do the things you don't want to do to get through the day. Stop Podcasting Yourself is brought to you in part by Squarespace, the all-in-one website platform.

Now, Graham, you code? I don't code. Oh, you gotta code. I'm afraid of coding. I know how to make Coding? Yeah, I know how to make coding. I know how to cope.

I know how to be coping. Yeah. And that's it. That's all I am. No code? No code. I got no code. I got no chill. I got no code. Was there a Pink Floyd album called No Code? Boy, you asking the wrong guy. Boy, I don't even like them.

I've mentioned them twice this episode now. Did you know that you don't need to code? Because if you want a website, you can just call up Squarespace. Bling, bling. Hello. Squarespace. I need a website tonight. I convinced my parents.

Yeah. My boss is coming over for dinner, and I told him that I know how to build websites. I told him that I would have a roast made on a website. Well, if you have a passion that you obsess over, if it keeps you up at night, if you live for it, you should show it off. Now, Squarespace offers you easy-to-use tools and templates, and it helps you showcase every detail of what drives you because if it's worth the effort it's worth showing to the world you can start your free trial today visit squarespace.com slash spy you should squarespace let's be honest we live in a world with too much media. You need a podcast on the front lines figuring out what's great.

We're here for you. We're Pop Rocket. I am Guy Branum. I'm a comedian. I'm Wynter Mitchell. I call myself a digital strategist. I'm Oliver Wang, academic and disc junkie. Margaret Wappler, je suis as journaliste.

And we watch, listen to, and read everything so that you don't have to. And then we tell you about all the things that you'll love to love. Find us in iTunes or wherever you download podcasts. Pop Rocket, every Wednesday from MaximumFun.org. The three of you enter a cave of a big red dragon and it's standing over a horde of precious golden rubies. And he says, what do you do, adventurers? I'm a dragon man.

I cast fire on him. It's very good. I address the red dragon and say, Us, we're the hosts of The Adventure Zone, a podcast about family playing Dungeons & Dragons. Very good synergy. Commit to the bit. I roll to charm new listeners.

It is very effective. Against all odds. Everybody, we're the Macroids. We host The Adventure Zone. It's a podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons together. It's a comedy podcast. We don't take the rules too seriously because there's a lot of them, and we did not take the time to learn them. Overheard. Overheard Overheard A segment in which

You the people And we the people For the people Hear the people And then talk about the people We always like to start with the guest Oh yay Now I understand

You have two Yeah do you want to hear the good one or the eh one first? Oh, start low. So, yeah, start low. Set the bar low and then wah and then wow them. Yeah. So, the eh one was actually at the Maximum Fun Conference that I attended where I first encountered you fellows. This is MaxFun Kahn East 2012.

Which I somehow remember Dave having very long, stringy black hair. Well, he was going through a phase. I don't know why. I don't know why. Did you think I was Hari Kondabro? I don't know why that's in my mind. And in any case, I was in, this was in this creepy old hotel

and I was in one of the sort of bowels of the hotel. Where we all were? Is this your overhurt? Oh, yes. Oh, yeah. I don't, I don't remember it as being creepy. Do you? It was, it definitely had like, because of the time of year.

Oh, wow. It derailed you? Yeah, yeah. What a jerk. None of this has anything to do with the overhurt. So it's really my fault for just, let me just, let me just cut to the chase and just say, so I was in this hallway and there was a young nerd. And he was on the phone with his, I assume his girlfriend. And he was saying, and the reason it's, I don't remember.

I wish I remembered the exact wording, but it was something to the effect of no it's really it's not like that it's this is it's just a bunch of nerds listen who enjoy comedy and just you know listening to comedy and taking classes that's it well that's that's about right that's max fun yeah that'll that that's not an orgy is what he was trying to say. I don't know if he's right about that. Yeah, because it might have been an orgy. Certain. Yeah, yeah.

I'm sure there was certain rooms that must have. I've heard rumors that there are. Right. Oh, that hookups. She had heard rumors. Yeah. And I was calling him up. Oh, to be like, hey, hey, hey.

What's going on over there? Stay away from Dr. Cocktail or whomever. Okay, so should I do the better one? I like that first one, but yeah. Of course. Yeah. So the other one, just coincidentally, also was a young man

on the phone with his girlfriend, I assume. It was like 7 o'clock in the morning, and I was riding my bike and stopped at a light. And he's walking down the street on the phone, and he goes, You just throwing all this at me because you cramping. You cramping. That's your problem. Wow.

Ouch. Yeah. I mean. Jacuzzi. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. I mean, I'd like to Jacuzzi. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. I mean, I'd like to hear the other side of this story, but I'm sure it was like, ow, my cramps. My cramps.

I can't play football today. I didn't stretch. You think that's why she had cramps? Yes. You always need to stretch. Yes. So lacrosse practice. Yes. You know. You always, but you're so excited to play lacrosse, you forget to stretch Yes Lacrosse practice Yes You know

You always But you're so excited To play lacrosse You forget to stretch You just run Out onto the field Out onto the pitch Or whatever it's called

In lacrosse Game starts at 4.30 Fine I'll be there At 4.30 Yeah No you gotta be early To stretch No I don't care about it

Lions don't have to stretch Have you ever heard That argument No No Where You know Some people say They don't care about it. Lions don't have to stretch. Have you ever heard that argument? No. No. Where, you know, some people say they don't stretch because like animals that also run very fast. Animals are stretching all the time. Although lions, yeah, lions do nap a lot.

That's true. Yeah, they eat and then they just fall asleep for seven hours. So it's not their lives resemble our own. Oh, yeah, that's true. You eat, you fall asleep for seven hours, and it's not, they, their lives resemble our own. Oh yeah. That's you eat, you fall asleep for seven hours and then you get up and run. I've talked about that on the podcast before, where I thought a restaurant that had a napping area would be gross. No,

it would be the best. Is it closed off? Yeah. It's not in the, you couldn't nap. It'd be too loud. So like, if you've just eaten a big thing of pasta, right?

And then you say they bring you a dessert menu. And then also there's the different beds you can sleep in. Different flavors of vape. Yeah. The waitress comes over and says, Does anybody feel like Having a nap? I want napping areas Available Everywhere you go

Yeah Everywhere you go Japan has a lot of That kind of Technology figured out I don't know why We haven't Well because they

You know they push Themselves so hard People are Just falling asleep Everywhere Yeah Salary men They fall asleep In little portal beds in hotels.

I would love it. I would love it. And they're all on the phones with their girlfriends. No, it's just a bunch of businessmen sleeping in drawers. Yeah. Doing businessmen who love comedy. Dave, do you have an overword? Yesterday, Abby and I, my wife, we went out for lunch.

We like to get out of the house together from time to time. Sure. Just to like quash these divorce rumors. Just so the- Yeah, you got to get out ahead of the press. Yeah, just so like the paparazzi can picture us together. Yeah, yeah. Picture us.

Yeah. All right, paparazzi, cast your minds back. The Inquirer imagines what these celebrities look like at the beach. That would be so much easier on celebrities. Like, just artist renderings. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's probably got a six-pack. Yeah.

Kim Kardashian shopping for shoes. Neat. Neat. Neat. So, yeah, we were out at lunch and Abby actually overheard this guy at the, was sitting at the bar at the counter talking to a waitress. And I was going through the menu and just like chatting, like a little too casually. Yeah. Like, just have your order ready, sir.

I don't want to talk with you about your life. And he said, probably shouldn't eat meat because I'm doing ayahuasca this weekend. What is ayahuasca? Well, that is the conversation he wanted to start. Yeah, yeah. What is ayahuasca? That's what he wanted the waitress to say. It is like a tea or some kind of brew of vines that you drink and then you go on like a spirit quest.

Yeah, like a very hallucinogenic. And I guess you have to do it with somebody who knows how to do the thing. I guess so. Otherwise, you'll just go insane and poison yourself kind of thing and you can't have meat four days before is there a religion a religious it may be where it started but it may be like a uh i don't know a specific religion maybe like i think uh first nations yeah i think it's like a it is like a tribe-based uh practice i only know this because i was talking to a comedian in montreal who was like a big convert to it and anybody who's done

it really yeah i have a friend who did who started in with some kind of branch of something yeah that takes such such a substance yeah like i think you can just go to these things, like you pay and then you go with somebody who knows how to administer it and keep you from, because apparently there's a lot of throwing up. Oh, sure. Oh. It's quite vile to your system.

Also, you see. You trip. There's channeling. Channeling. Who are the guys Who channel the Like a shaman? Yes

Shamans Shaman It's what the shamans Used to do But now it's just You pay for it You pay Yeah it's just

You and a bunch of College students Yeah You tell a witch doctor They say Ooh ee ooh ah ah They recite the Ting ting

Walla walla Bing bang Do you Is it a controlled substance Do you think? Is it like No It's not They say ooh, ee, ooh, ah, ah. They recite the in Canaan. Ting, tang, walla, walla, bing, bang. Is it a controlled substance, do you think? No, it's not an illegal thing. It's not illegal. It's not illegal. Not illegal. Yeah, but I think if you were somebody who tried to do it yourself,

you'd end up poisoning yourself. What about peyote? What about it? Is that what we're talking about? No, that's a different thing. How do you do peyote? What about it? Is that what we're talking about? No, that's a different thing. How do you do peyote? It's a similar thing. And where do you acquire it?

Because that's like a spirit quest thing. No, you're thinking of coyote. Oh, yes, that's right. Yeah, peyote is like a real intense form of like a mushroom or something. Also big on the throwing up. Okay. Yeah. Just, you know what, kids, any kids who are listening,

just do, if you're going to do peyote, do it inside a Pink Floyd. Do it inside, I prefer you do it at the Planetarium where I can keep my eye on you. At Laser Floyd. Yeah. In the car wash. Yeah. With your friends. Do it outside the car wash because you're going to be throwing up a lot.

Yeah. Just throw up on cars as their wash. Yeah, have a bag with you. If you're going to go out and get high, yeah, have a bag. And, you know, and also just relax. Just enjoy it. You know what I mean? Don't force it. Take a few minutes for you. And, you know, and also just relax. Just enjoy it. You know what I mean?

Take a few minutes for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good. That's good advice. Don't expect to figure out all your life's issues. No, you'll figure. You're certainly going to figure out some of them. But don't worry about figuring them out. I wonder about this guy afterwards.

After, like, you know. After the ayahuasca? Yeah. Yeah. Like, what percentage of people have it all figured out after that? And how does it manifest itself? Bill Gates, ayahuasca. Oh, really?

Yeah, yeah. Melinda Gates? President Barack Obama. Oh. Yeah. So they were, they, you know. Bill Gates saw a CD-ROM Yeah, they never, yeah, it's never like

That's two references to CD-ROMs on one podcast You're doing great Thanks Does your computer have a CD-ROM drive? No Is it your first computer without? Yeah, I don't like it Because sometimes I'll find a cool old movie at the thrift store and I can't watch it.

A cool old CD-ROM. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't have anything that I can put a DVD in. Oh, okay. No, so I miss it, man. I don't think that's an improvement. Radio shacks are closing down, you guys. Oh, we haven't had them here for years. Yeah, uh. Radio Shacks are closing down, you guys. Oh, we haven't had them here for years.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, what does it say about America that there are still Radio Shacks? Well, we have, Radio Shack was bought here by Circuit City, and they opened a store called The Source. The Source. Which I think still exists in malls. But there's no, because The Source wouldn't sell the type of stuff that Radio Shack would sell, would they? They would. Like little circuit things?

Yeah, little things. Okay. Well, not necessarily circuit things, but little connector things for all your electronics. No, but like Radio Shack would have this one section where if you were building your own computer, you could buy like little circuit boards. Where do you get, I guess, internet. I guess you said just get it on the internet now. There doesn't need to be a store like that. Also, you can just buy a computer just made.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But see, why does that make me sad? And like I was looking for a tape. I mean, that just means I'm getting old, I guess. That you want like a cassette tape. Cassette. Well, I had all the cues in my show were run from cassette tape. Wow.

Until the fire. And then the fire burned all the tapes. And I guess I could remake them. I remade one. I wanted to remake one cue to at least have one cue coming out of actual tape. And I was trying to buy a blank tape. Oh, no. I saw Radio Shack and I was like, oh, they'll have it.

And then I got closer and I realized it was closed. Shut down. It's a mirage. And then I went to a deli because I saw a tape, a cassette box. And I said, can I buy a tape? And he said, oh, no, that's empty. Empty box. I don't know where.

You know what? If you really. He said, go to no, that's empty. Empty box. I don't know where. You know what? If you really. He said go to the 99 cents store. You really got to put your show cues on vinyl. Yeah, that's right. That's true. I had a show where I had vinyl too. No.

Yes, yes. All the cues on one record? I ran, no, but I played vinyl records. Oh, okay. This was Wolfman Jack, the music? Do the voice. I don't know the voice. Yeah, you do.

Yeah. This is Wolfman Jack. Get out of here. I'm on payout. American Graffiti was a movie. I was in. Played myself, maybe. Or maybe someone's doing the voice.

Graham, do you have an order? I sure do. Thank you. I went out for a Mexican sandwich, a torta, before I came over here. Today. Today. Tortas today. A brand new.

Yeah. And you know what? They switched the bread. I'm not accepting that. I had a tortoise the other day and I had three bites and I was like, why? Because you know what? The bread used to be so soft and now it's like a harder bread and you bite into it. All the stuff squishes out the bottom of the sandwich.

It's a metaphor. Yeah. Oh, man. For what happens when you eat a tortoise. I was waiting in line. It's important to the overheard. It's in-tortant. We're recording this on a Thursday because the guy behind me in line was meeting up with his friend.

And as he came through the door, he said, happy Friday. I just thought it was funny. It was a day ahead. And excited about it. And it was like noon. So he had gone through the whole first half of the day thinking it was a day ahead. Oh, wow. Yeah.

I thought the story was going to be like, it's important to the story that it's Thursday because I overheard a guy so excited to watch Friends tonight. It's not on anymore. It's still appointment viewing, though. Do you think, Does NBC still do a Comedy block on Thursdays That we don't know of

Yeah no they do Because they Oh no Fox Has a comedy block On like Whatever night of the week Brooklyn Nine-Nine is on Because I saw it

Oh okay It was like This show And that is basically Every comedy show I've heard of Is all on one Right

On Fox Remember they used to have animation domination right in our youth two years ago um now we also have overheard sent into us from people around the world uh-huh if you want to send one into us you can send it into spy at maximum fun.org this first one comes from john e in the uk Yesterday, I saw a very meek and gentle-looking Hindu lady get on the bus with her husband. I would guess she was in her late 40s and, judging by her luggage and attire, new to the UK. I bet you're going to say nude. Nude.

Nude. Judging by her attire, she was nude. Nude. Nude. And judging by her attire, she was nude. She was wearing a t-shirt that proudly proclaimed, I heart parties, booze, and birds. Yay. Fun.

I think in England, birds mean something different. Yeah, I mean, ladies. Oh. Yeah. Oh. It means an elevator. That did not occur to me. I was picturing the things with wings fly around i think that's one of my favorite things that older people will do sometimes is they'll just wear a hat or a shirt that has a slogan on it

that they don't they don't know what it means so they don't care what it means i love it yeah it's like them i love them too and i remember seeing an old guy on the bus. He was my favorite of all of them. He was easily like 80 and was wearing Windbreaker, classic 80-year-old man gear, but he was wearing a

brand new crisp hat that he clearly just got that day. And it said straight out of Compton. Cool. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. Cool grandpa. Cool grandpa. Straight out of Compton.

Yeah. I think I'm imagining like older guys that just have like stuff they got from a corporate golf tournament. Yeah. Oh, yeah. There's so many like fundraiser shirts and fun run whatevers. You do end up, if you're any kind of runner or triathlete or something, your closet is overflowing with t-shirts with the emblem of the place. I've been to, what, three, four MaxFunCons?

Still got all the shirts. Yeah, I think I've been to what, four, three, four MaxFunCons? Still got all the shirts. Yeah, I think I got all the shirts as well. Free shirts. A sad loss of the fire was all the t-shirts. I had all, use all these t-shirts in the show to stuff a shirt. But they sit on a rack for a while. And so I had these really good ones, mostly found in the trash, like Laura Branigan gives. And then satisfaction on the back

and um property of alcatraz was a really good one yeah that oh that one gets around yeah that's a big picture of a little tiny kitten that's a with a drinking out of a bowl that says killer killer a killer and there were some other good ones and they all, and so then when I was shopping in the Salvation Armies and the Goodwills for t-shirts,

it was all, all the t-shirts, the whole t-shirt section would be like, charity run. Yeah. You know, boring. Yeah.

T-shirts. That is, that does sound an awful lot like hoarder behavior. Happily Mauied. That was another one. Oh, that's a pretty good one. And there were two and it was like, oh,. Happily Maui'd. That was another one. Oh, that's a pretty good one. And there were two

and it was like, oh, that went south, you know. I like the... Further south than Maui'd. Just un-Maui'd. Done.

Is that how you officially divorce someone? You both... Un-Maui'd. You un-Maui'd. You both have to hand in your fun wedding shirt. Your wedding shirt. T-shirt to the... Yeah, you have to fold in your fun wedding shirt. Your wedding shirt.

T-shirt. You have to fold it like an American flag. When I got married, someone gave me a prank shirt that was a picture of a bride and a groom. And it said, game over. Game over. Yeah. Because I was a big gamer. And Abby won't let you play games?

No. No. She threw out all of my games. Game over. Well, they called it. This next one comes from Matt in Baltimore, Maryland. Baltimore, Maui land. Yeah.

I was getting coffee yesterday in a hotel lobby. I saw two huge men wearing t-shirts that said staff across the back, locked in an almost romantic embrace. Once they pulled away from each other, they smiled into each other's eyes knowingly. The one man said to the other, hell of a weekend, bro. Hell of a weekend.

And then he turned around to reveal the front of his shirt which read brony con 2050 nice yeah we were staffed there yeah that's a hell of a weekend bro wow yeah we went in not knowing what to expect we both took peyote now i'm gonna give away this shirt and you're gonna see it it on an 80-year-old man who has no idea. Yeah, exactly. The life cycle of a giveaway shirt. From conference to oldness. To thrift store to young person wearing shirt that has no idea what it is, right?

Then to rag. Then to rag. Then to riches. Then to riches again. And this last one comes from Mark in Austin, Texas. A performer at the concert venue where I work brought her little daughter with her, who then proceeded to pester her mother the whole time she was getting ready for the show. The mother then started looking for her phone, at which point the daughter said, with her, who then proceeded to pester her mother the whole time she was getting ready for the show. The mother then started looking for her phone, at which point the daughter said, Mommy, look, an old-timey phone, to which her mother replied,

That's a calculator. Pouting, the daughter whined, But it's still a phone. It's true. Yeah. Imagination rules. Oh, man. Do you think people still need a calculator if your phone does it? Yeah. Imagination rules. Oh, man.

Do you think people still need a calculator? If your phone does it? I just like the ka-chunk, ka-chunk of the batting machines. I like, if I'm doing taxes or something, I like to have a dedicated calculator. You have your own calculator? Your own calculator. No, I mean, I rent one? Yeah, I timeshare. Oh man,

if you can get it at tax time, you don't need it. Yeah, that's true. Different places have different tax times. There's a guy in Barbados, he uses it. There's another guy in Chile, he uses it during his tax time. Oh, it's a different tax time because they have the other side of the equator. It's winter when it's tax time time. Oh, it's a different tax time because they have the other side of the equator.

It's winter when it's tax time here. Exactly, you understand. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you would like to phone us, our phone number is 206-339-8328, like these people have. Hey, Dave Graham and guests.

This is Emily from Kentucky. I live in a neighborhood. Oh, this is an overheard. Sorry. I live in a neighborhood that's kind of one part of its redneck versus the other. Anyway, I went to the liquor store to get a bottle of wine. And this big redneck walks in probably about 40 all, all in camouflage with his sunglasses on his hat and all this shit. And he comes in, he goes, The rats did. And I looked at the cashier and we both started giggling.

And I thought it was wonderful. It was wonderful. Yeah. Who knew that New Kids on the Block plus time would equal tragedy? I like that she described her neighborhood as one side is redneck versus the other. Which is also redneck? No, the others. Oh, from the Nicole Kidman movie? No, the others. Oh. Yes.

From the Nicole Kidman movie? Yeah. Oh, the people who have already. Ghosts. Oh, yes. Little ghosts. Rednecks versus ghosts. Who's going to win?

Yeah. That sounds like a fun phone game. Yeah. Someone wants me to buy some crops for them on Facebook. I guess for the ghosts. I guess the rednecks would probably use the crops, right? Well, unless there's crops. Yeah, or necrops.

Here's your next phone call. Hey, Dave and Graham. This is Josh in Missouri with an overheard. Hi, Josh. I was recently in Target, and there was kind of a family just walking down the aisle and, you know, family just walking down the aisle and you know kind of middle-aged husband and wife and maybe a son who was 12 or 13 and husband and wife stopped in the aisle and kiss and the kid looks around and at seeing this he said oh great i'm going to hell now. For seeing somebody else kiss? For seeing my parents kiss in Target. That's Missouri for you.

It should be a crime to kiss in a Target. It should be a crime to have to watch your parents kiss. It should be. It's punishment. Yeah. You're in hell. Oh, that would be a good punishment if you. You're in hell.

Yeah, that's what we meant. This must be it. When you, when your daughter gets old enough that she's misbehaving, the punishment is that she has to watch you and your wife kiss. And the worst thing she does,

the more me and Abby do. We're going to dance. We're going to slow dance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going to have to watch us slow dance Yeah, we're going to grind

to no diggity. You're going to have to watch me give a neck rub to your mom. Because you misbehaved at the buffet. Now you're going to watch me and your mom stare into each other's eyes for five minutes. We're going to hold hands and stare into each other's eyes with a candle in between. Now we're going to roll those sexy dice. We're not going to do anything. Yeah, we're just going to roll them and you have to watch us.

Lick butt. It says, anyway. Yeah. Your final overheard of 2016. Yep. Hey, Dave and Graham. This is Brent from Atlanta calling with Overheard. I was traveling to a friend's wedding out of town and I stopped off in a rural town up in North Georgia.

And I was at a Wendy's and overheard a woman asking the cashier, what is this Asiego Asiego Asiago describe it to me please and the cashier just sort of stared at her for about 5 seconds and said it's cheese ma'am anyway thanks for making an awesome podcast hey our pleasure

Siegel cheese it's egg I don't know how I would describe Asiago cheese well I don't know how I would describe Asiatic cheese. Well, I don't know how I would describe any cheese. I'm not some cheese sommelier. Yeah, that's true. You're not. You should not be expected to do that if you are working that job.

Working at Wendy's, yeah. Yes. Well. It's not part of my job description. It's a white cheese. Does it have things in it? Like little bits? It's like you're at a Wendy's. Yeah. Well, yeah, it has gummy bears in it. It's got little gummy things in it like little bits or when i think you're at a wendy's what yeah well

yeah it has gummy bears in it it's got little gummy bears in it is that what you're thinking like a pimento loaf no it's a it's a melty cheese on a burger yeah but what's the what am i thinking of the cheese it's got like a little jalapeno jack something like that yeah maybe not jalapeno jack but like uh ah that would be me at wendy's yeah well fortunately you're not welcome there no i uh lifetime ban from wendy's you know what you did yeah uh, at the show that I did a couple weeks ago that, uh, the Graham Clark YouTube rabbit hole, uh,

showed, uh, uh, Wendy's instructional video. Okay. And it was a rap, uh, about how to make the perfect,

uh, Patty. Uh-huh. And, uh, and how to grill it. And, uh,

they, I'm sure there was no way to do it otherwise, but it looked so disgusting. The grilling of the patty on a grill that was like a brand new grill, just the gray, it was so gray. And there was just like gray juice coming out all sides.

Was it black and white? It's a black and white video. Oh, Graham, everything was gray. Everything was gray. That's right. Yeah. why it's a black and white video oh Graham everything was great it's from 1950 it was like a brand new grill and a brand new flipper so everything just was

it was really it was hard to watch how did you get a hold of it it's on YouTube actually they've got there's one for like how to serve drinks at a wendy are they all rap the drink one is a song medley uh the grilling one was the only one that was rap based but they were all music based to help you remember oh yeah that's why they're

always humming to themselves when they're preparing my food yeah turn the frosty. Turn the frosty inside. I was going to say turn the frosty upside down, but they only do that with blizzards. And that's only at Dairy Queen. Yeah. Yeah. Different.

Different times. They wouldn't dare serve you a blizzard at Wendy's. No, no, no. They would serve you a frosty. Frosty. Anyways, that brings us to the end of this year program. Frosty. Anyways, that brings us to the end of this here program. Is there anything you have upcoming?

This will come out on the 15th of February. The day after Valentine's Day. Who's been a good boy and girl? Well, I am planning to start a podcast. Maybe I could even, I mean, in your experience, in your podcasting experience, how big is the gap between having the ambition to start a podcast and launching your first podcast? It depends. Yeah, I think it depends on the person. Ours was fairly quick

when we just decided to do it. And as you can see in our format, there's very little between what we record and what goes out. Yeah.

So if it's something that would be heavy on the editing side, you might want to give yourself a buffer. So look for that. Yeah. What is the name of this podcast?

Well, I don't even have a name for it yet, but maybe you can help. People can, if people want to suggest names, they can welcome to suggest them to me. Are you on Twitter? I have a website. I have Twitter. What are you on Twitter? Oh God. Oh boy.

See, I'm supposed to know this. Hopkins Cynthia? I think that's right. I think that's right. I shouldn't. This is the kind of thing I need to start to know Yeah In the 21st century

Yeah yeah But you got there I think that's the name Of your podcast This is the type of thing I need to know In the 21st century There you go

It's a long title Featuring Hopkins Cynthia But sometimes Also thought of Welcome to Philadelphia Is not a good That's not a strong title Well it could be Is it like It's not a strong title. Well, it could be.

Is it like Night Vale? Well, see, this is all John Hodgman's idea, so I don't know if I'm even really going to do what he said. You should do a show where you just judge people. Why don't you call it Silly Philly? Silly Philly. Yeah, where you go and find the craziest things in Philadelphia and then talk about it. Silly Philly. Well, Silly Philly, where you go And find the craziest Things in Philadelphia And then talk about it Silly Philly Well

Silly Yeah that's good Cause it was It is gonna be about It's like I've lived in Brooklyn for 20 years My house burned down Now I'm moving to

Philadelphia Yeah I'm scared Yeah I can understand It's gonna be a new place Yeah But there's a lot of love there What can I find

Is gonna be Brotherly love There's gonna be Steps and And grilled cheese sandwiches or whatever they're called cheese steak no no no just not chesapeake wooder ice and so i think it's going to be out about exploring new expanding new horizons expanding my horizons and also just trying to do something that I can do without any wigs. Oh, how about you call it?

Without wigs. Without wigs. Oh, yeah. It'll be the first wigless podcast. The first. I tell you, this one I'm wearing is very itchy. Yeah. Well, it's convincing, though.

And the beard has also got to be a real drag. That's made from real pig fur. What do they call the glue you attach it with? Spirit gum? Topstick. Topstick? That's what I use. Topstick.

For my fake beards. There you go. And fake mustaches. So look out for this podcast with no title. I think it's going to have to be without wigs. Without wigs. Look for it soon. Without wigs in Philadelphia.

Without wigs. Born and raised. Without wigs. Without wigs. Without wigs. Oh, I also thought of calling it. I did have an idea for a title, which is welcome to. No, welcome to.

Welcome to Philadelphia. So that every time you said welcome to, you'd say welcome to welcome to Philadelphia. That's not a good enough reason. It's still fun. Anyway, this isn't the listeners problem. Check it out. The listeners, but if the listener has a better idea for a title,

please tweet me. And thank you very much for being our guest. It was a lot of fun. Thank you for having me. It was my, it was like being, it was like a person on the streets of New York City

seeing a movie star. Yeah. Remember that time we saw Coco? Oh yeah, we did. Ice-T's wife in New York City. If you like the show,

head over to MaximumFun.org. Check out the blog recap of this episode, pictures and videos relating to the content of the episode. Surely a picture of Laura Branigan. Absolutely. Let's see. A huge collection of wigs.

Oh, boy. We could include my burned out. I have a pretty great picture of the point of origin. Yeah. We could include a picture of the poo inspector from Jurassic Park. Yeah. Laura Dern? Yeah, I think so.

I think they all got in there. Yeah, but she got in there like elbow deep. Yeah. Yeah, and what else? Is that it? That's it. Thank you so much for listening. If you like the show

you can put a review on iTunes. Spread the word by telling your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned.

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