Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 419 - Ivan Decker

Episode Date: March 28, 2016

Comedian Ivan Decker returns to talk comedy body language, goth pals, and blacking out.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 419 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark. And with me as always is a man who wants to join me in thanking you for being a part of the Max Fun Drive. Oh, you guys.

Mr. Dave Shopka. Thanks so much. This is our first episode post-Max Fun Drive. You guys came through. In a big way. Big showing. Supporting the show that you love so much. Making us feel the love.

Everybody was in the winner's circle for this one. And, yeah, thank you for people who put us up with our tweets for the last two weeks. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Lots of tweets. Lots of retweets. Subtweets. Yeah.

Pretweets. Yeah. Pretweet tweets. Untweets. And our guest today, one of our faves. Ah, go on. No, come on. You can take it.

A really funny comedian, Mr. Ivan Decker is our guest. Hello. Oh, what a pleasure to be back. It's nice, right? Yeah. It's nice to have you back. It's nice. This is when the listeners are like, do I hate his voice?

I think I do. No. Well, they should hate their own voice. What's wrong with your voice? Yeah, your voice sounds good. Oh, okay. Thanks. Do you get hate mail about your voice?

I've had comment cards at the comedy mix about how it's shrill. What? Somebody said shrill. Because I think I have, it's weird. When I'm working on a new joke, sometimes I forget that like to put jokes in it. I just get like really frustrated about a topic. And you just write on your notepad, be shrill. Be shrill.

Really shrill it up. Too shrill, too chill. Yeah. Have you tried being trill? Trill. That's what I was going for, but I missed it. What if your comedy album, you put one out could be called Thriller

and you could be in a white suit. Yes. The famous white suit of Thriller. That guy yells about the bus a lot.

Isn't that off the wall here with the white suit? Isn't it? Isn't he wearing a white suit and he's lying down with a tiger on Thriller?

Oh, you're right. But I'm just when I think Thriller I think of the red leather. Oh, I mean that's the video. Red leather, yellow leather.

Yeah, so there's a white suit. I apologize. I like the Beat It jacket the best with all the zippers and mesh. It's got steel mesh shoulders. Isn't that the red one? It's also red, but the Thriller's the V. It looks like the- Oh, yeah, right, right, yeah.

And then the Beat It video, he has, like, crazy zippers. And he's also got, like, a sweet piano t-shirt. And the bad guy in the Beat It video also has, like, a sweet scarf. Like, there's a lot of great costumes. You know that the extras in that video, this is according to Pop-Up Video, were all actual Bloods and Crips. No way. Even the guy with the glasses

that does the like you've seen that No like none of the dancers are just the guy standing around in the warehouse. Even Eddie Van Halen?

Yeah. Eddie Van Halen was in the But it was like that was like it was like a summit. Oh wow. Yeah.

It was like the Warriors. Yeah. They came out and played. And Roller Skate Guy. I don't know. That was great. There's some good cut to dance people in that video.

Yeah, there's... Shaky Guy. Sporty Spice. Shaky Guy with glasses. Yeah. And Roller Skate Guy who does like, he does like splits and then back up again and then does like a slow walk. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Wait, no. Is that in, is that in Beat It or is that in... Pretty sure that's in Beat It. I said it. Maybe it's in Bad. I think that's in Bad. Oh, I'm Yeah. Wait, no. Is that in Beat It? Or is that in... Pretty sure that's in Beat It. Maybe that's in Bad. I think that's in Bad. Oh, I'm thinking of Bad. Yeah, the roller skating guy's in Bad.

Yeah, Beat It. Is that the one where Weird Al's all fat? Yeah. Well, that's the same. I think Michael Jenkins was a big fan of Weird Al, and he hooked him up with costumes and stuff. And shot in the same place. Yeah, with Martin Scorsese to direct the fat video.

That's maybe not far off from the truth that might be yeah i feel like anyway i'm talking to marty scorsese well let's uh let's get to know us get to know us so when someone talks about martin scorsese and calls him Marty Scorsese. Or when they talk about Robert De Niro and call him Bob. Yeah. What about Weird Al Yankovic? What would you shorten that to? Weird.

Weirdy. Weirdy Al. I was talking to Al Yankovic. That's sort of weird. That would be very weird. Hallie McYank? Please. Hallie Yankovic is my father. Call me Weird Al.

Call me Weird. So what's new, Ivan Decker? Oh, you know, not much. Working a lot. Doing a lot of comedy these days. Yeah, you're soon to be on the Just for Laughs on the road tour. Yep, the Just for Laughs road show. Which is amazing. That's a big deal. It's a bunch of theater

shows which I'm very excited about. I'm the emcee so I get to kind of come out first and talk. You're the emcee for the whole, they don't swap it all around? No, the whole thing. Oh cool. That's going to be good. I'm the flagship face.

Do you know what? You got a real flagship face. Yeah. That's going to be good. I'm the flagship face. Do you know what? You got a real flagship face. Yeah. Face that sunk a thousand flagships. But you also, you were opening for Steve Patterson. You've been opening for Brent Butts. So you've been theater shows all over the place. I really like theaters because it's a big stage.

You can kind of walk around a lot more. That was something I had to learn was, because in stand-up clubs, it's just small stage. Yeah. You're used around a lot more. That was something I had to learn. Because in stand-up clubs, it's just a small stage. You're used to just kind of standing there. You just pace back and forth. You do like lean on one leg, and then you lean on the other one. Have you ever watched yourself perform and fast forward and just seen yourself kind of like, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, back and forth? It's really...

You do the same hand motion 80 times. Yeah. This is mine. You just look like a gif. I do a lot of leaning. I sometimes will lean on my right knee into a punchline. Like batting down the hatches? Yeah, give it a little oomph.

Give it a little... I don't like my microwave. Appliances are the worst. When during a When do you, when during a joke do you walk? Because that's, I've always,

I've always screwed that up. You move when you're doing the setup, I think. Really? You kneel during the punchline.

You plant, you plant, you plant for the punchline. I like to do a superhero landing, like when a superhero jumps off a building

with the fist in the ground. I jump up in the air and I land for the punch landing. Oh, yeah. With the fist in the ground. I jump up in the air and I land for the punchline. Like, the bus. It's never coming. But what if you're pacing and then you get stuck on a weird side of the stage for the punchline? Like, how do you time it out? Yeah, you do have to kind of plan in advance.

Because I do have a joke where i have to walk to the right because i act out like a guy at a bus stop walking into the street oh yeah the bus so i always have to remember to walk left during the setup of that step off the stage yeah i don't want to have to i don't want to get stuck when i do that act out of walking out it needs to look've got to take a couple big steps. This is a whole... There's certain body language that I love in comedy of when this joke always gets a big laugh, so the comedian

takes a drink of water, but maybe the time you see him, it doesn't get a big laugh, so we're all sitting in silence watching him drink water. I can't drink water on stage that's the one thing I've never been able to do yeah you just

spills everywhere well I just I can never find the time to do it like I'm always so paranoid that I'm like if I take this it'll destroy the whole momentum

I've taken a sip of water on stage I feel like oh the audience is they're done with laughing with that last joke but I've already picked up the bottle.

I can't put it down. Or if you're seeing a comedian you hate, like, or just like you're not enjoying it, when they finally grab, like they have the mic off the stand, but when they finally grab the mic stand, you're like, yes, it'll be one more joke.

Or when they do, sometimes when they take a drink of water, they have a little moment for themselves and they'll make like a really mad face and they'll show how little they're enjoying it. They're like, we can still see you. It's like they're in the break room. Do a little water break. Fucking guys.

I hate them. Have you ever picked up the glass or the bottle and then abandoned it? I've done that. No, I've too. Once I've picked it up, I'm like, everybody's watching you, man. Be cool. Just take one gulp. But that's a really good thing because you can trick people into thinking that you just

came up with like a tag to that joke. Like you pick up, you're about to take a drink. And even if it's a tag that you've done a thousand times, I'm not going to take this drink because I just had this brilliant. Oh, yeah. That's where the laugh's not going to be big enough. You'll hold the cup like really close to your mouth and then you'll say the joke like, and you get a laugh and then you're like... Oh, yeah. That's where the laugh's not going to be big enough. You'll hold the cup really close to your mouth, and then you'll say the joke.

And you get a laugh, and then you're like, oh, quick. I got to drink really fast. And you stick a straw in there. Okay, it was a short laugh, but I got to drink. I wish that somebody would just come out like a boxer. They just squeeze that thing. You have to put it into a bucket. Like a boxer or a like squeeze that thing into a bucket like a boxer

or a hamster both i mean they're very similar they both live in a cage they give you that metal ice there's a lot of sawdust involved in their life cut cut your eye they slice it open and get that yeah the nitrogen metal or whatever is that what that is i I think they dip it. I don't know what you're talking about. To get swelling down. Yeah, it's like this kind of rounded metal pad. Something they've always done? Yeah, yeah. It's really cold. It's like in ice. If I watch a I don't have to watch a modern

boxing match to see it. I can see it in an old boxing movie. Oh, yeah. Any old boxing movie, it'll be in there. Rocky 1. Rocky 1. Rocky 2. Yeah. Ivan Drago has a mask made out of that metal stuff. He just puts it on.

My whole face is molded back. It seems in between boxing rounds in the movies, there's a lot of talk. There's a lot of talking going on, which I feel would be

the last thing I would want to do. Yeah. Yeah. Like, unless you, like... Well, they want to keep... I think they want to keep your brain up, right? Like, they don't want you to shut down and go into, like, rest mode. So they gotta be like, hey, stay with me! Yeah. I don't know, I would want to... Don't you die on me!

Don't you die on me! But, like, if I was the boxer, I would be wanting to do all the talking. Like, I am... It hurts so much to do this! You guys, I'm so tired! Like, I would be wanting to do all the talking. It hurts so much to do this. You guys, I'm so tired. I know it was just two minutes just now, but it was like, oh. It didn't seem like I was running around, but you try it.

Yeah, he was budging me the whole time. Yeah. That guy was hitting me. Why didn't you do anything? Yeah, you do it. You're going gonna throw a big talk back here with your towel.

Dave the coach. It would be cool if you were a twin and you were a boxer, because then you could substitute your twin and no one would know. Where'd all his cuts go? Yeah, they put a giant towel over the guy and just smuggle him out. But during

when it's your off round I'm on an off round. When you swap out with your twin they would have to get a makeup artist to apply the right black eye. He's hiding under the stage like in wrestling where they keep all the chairs. He's under there. He just pops up.

He's super fresh. His hair's all dry. He's not sweaty at all. He just woke up from a nap. He's like fresh. His hair's all dry. He's not sweaty at all. He just woke up from a nap. He's like, oh, hey guys. They should have tag team boxing. Oh, absolutely. And also like wrestling moves.

Yeah, and like when you knock somebody out, then that guy gets to fight both. And if he knocks out both on the other team, he still wins. And instead of wearing those satin shorts, they should wear Speedos like wrestlers.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what you like is wrestling. Yes. Yes, yes, please. Well, in WrestleMania 2, I think, Rowdy Rowdy Piper boxed Mr. T

and was disqualified for body slamming him. So that kind of has everything going on. Yeah, I had it coming. That's my favorite. Like, I stopped watching wrestling

many years ago, but that was my favorite thing of like, you could lose, but the best way to lose is just to like cheat. Yeah. Oh yeah, disqualified.

Disqualified. If you got disqualified, everybody's like, that guy's a hero yeah always with uh there was a they hit the ref a lot that happens a lot which doesn't happen as much in any other sport yeah there's a lot less ref also the ref is always takes a long time to talk to each wrestler yeah and so there's a lot of shenanigans going on behind him so he's just like he's like let me start from the invention of wrestling but while like the stuff he chooses

to lecture them about and so so there's a million things you can choose from but this is this is where i i'm drawing a line yeah yeah yeah hey tie your shoe up yeah yeah we do not hit this is a grapple sport and then sometimes and if the ref is ever like knocked unconscious that's when one guy's gonna get pinned but no one's gonna see it it's absolute bedlam as soon as somebody's uh yeah and then the ref sometimes will come to like the wrestler will drag the ref over and play some near where the pinning is at. And try to make his hand go. Yeah.

Like, to hit three times on the mat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's allowed. A weekend at Bernie's. I don't know why they don't just do that with baseball. Like, run out to the umpire and grab his wrist so he can go safe. Maz! Run him out!

That guy was safe. This year in hockey, when a player hit a ref, like cross-checked him. Whoa! Like during an argument or by accident? It was,

he, it wasn't a ref, it was a linesman. But the player, like, he got hit into the boards and his defense was, I was like,

I must have gotten a concussion because I was just like, out of it. And when I totally, when, as I was skating back to have gotten a concussion because I was just like out of it and when I totally when as I was skating back to the bench when I came to the first person I saw I hit him and it was the linesman that's apparently a legal defense it's like temporary autonomy or something like that where you can

if you get hit in the head and then you do a crime you can say like it's I don't think it works but when I was in law 12, when I was in law class, we were learning. My law teacher was like, yeah, this one,

it's on the books, but it's pretty hard to plead. I got hit in the head and I murdered that guy. When did you take law classes? Were you going to be a lawyer? 12th grade, senior year. Oh.

They offered law classes in your high school? Yeah. We got a lot of criminals in my town. They offer law classes in your high school? Yeah. We got a lot of criminals in my town. They want us to know the law, so we stop breaking it. You got to know the law before you break it. Guys, you can't throw rocks at the bus. What?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, wait a minute. Have we covered this in law class? It's like once you've mastered the rules of something, then you can make jazz. Yeah, that's why there's so many lawyers. Criminal jazz. I did used to throw, that just reminded me, when I was a kid, there was a bus that went by the end of my street. I don't know why we thought this was normal.

We used to always just stand at the end of the street when the bus went by. We would just throw stuff at it. Like a lot. And nobody stopped us. And that's like insane to be like a person on the bus and there's a bunch of kids

like we threw. Oh, this was a city bus? Yeah. Oh, I thought this was like the school bus. No, no, no. This is like a city bus that would just go around

the town. We threw this huge thing of wind chimes at it. What? What's a thing of wind chimes? Well, there's no, like, it's a

murder of crows, a parliament of owls, a clang of wind chimes. It was like one set, but it was huge. There wasn't a crate of wind chimes to be delivered

to the home store. Yeah, we had a whole, but like, you know how wind chimes is usually like five chimes and like a central disc? Yeah, I don't think there's one usual.

This one was huge. It was like a chandelier of like wind chimes. Where did you get it from somebody's port? I think it was in spring cleanup. Like we just, junk day they call it, where everybody's allowed to just leave their garbage. It's like one day a year. What?

Did you not have this in the suburbs where you grew up? No, this is like something from the crow or something. So they did this thing called Junk Day where once a year This is the purge is what it is. That's what it is. It's called Spray and Cleanup and once a year

you were allowed to throw away as much as you want. So if you had to get rid of an old barbecue or exercise equipment you didn't have to take it to the dump.

Everybody just left it on the curb and as a kid you're like this is the best because you just ride your bike around and go through

everybody's garbage and just take stuff and throw it at the bus. Yeah. You guys were just using it. People would go insane. People would get a pickup truck and fill it with, oh, don't cut all the old barbecues and all this stuff. Because we used to take the barbecue starters, the electric thing.

Oh, yeah. And you'd zap people with it. You'd rip it out of the barbecue? Yeah, you'd just pull it out. You could make a potato gun barbecue starters, the electric thing. Oh, yeah. And you just zap people with it. You just rip it out of the barbecue? Yeah, you just pull it out. You can make a potato gun with it, which is exciting. Wait, how? The big PVC pipe potato guns. Yeah, yeah.

Where you use that as an ignition source. So you spray hairspray into the pipe, and then you jam the potato in. Duh. And then you click the thing. This is news to me. And then the hairspray explodes, and it shoots a potato really far. Hairspray just stays in there? Yeah, because you compress it with the potato. This is news to me. And then the hairspray explodes and it shoots a potato like really far. Hairspray just stays in there? Yeah, because you compress it with the potato.

Cool. It's still flammable. You can use WD-40 too. Sure. Whatever you find on garbage day. What do you find on junk day? Old cans of paint were big. We used to throw those in.

So everybody would put out their junk and then it was everybody in the neighbor's purview to just take whatever they wanted. And then would the city come in at the end of the day and pick up whatever was left? Yeah. Well, no, they would come in the morning of, and people would leave their stuff later and later because they knew the longer it was out there, the longer people would root through it. And it would be spread all over. It would just be horrible because people would just dig through it. And now it's...

You'd drag it half a block and be like, I don't need a ski machine and then just throw it in the streets. What? Ski machine? What are those cross-country skiing machines? Oh, yeah. Elliptical?

Yeah. Not like an arcade style. I wish. Throwing away pinball machines. Did you... So this doesn't still happen, does it? I don't know. I moved away.

Because there's a big sort of campaign to get people to dispose of things properly. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. I think it was also the only day you could throw away drywall. So there was like a ton of drywall out there. Because, yeah, it's drywall Christmas. Drywall is very hard to get rid of if you have extra drywall. Not if you make it wet.

Yeah, that's true. That's the enemy of drywall. Or just leave it in a... That's the city way of doing it. You just leave something in an alley. In someone else's alley. We've all moved out of an apartment and been like, how am I going to get rid of this couch? I know. Leave it in the alley and then leave the neighborhood. Yeah, just say free.

I tried to do that once when I lived at this place. I lived in a basement suite, and I dragged the couch out to the alley, and then the landlords came down and were like, did you drag a couch out into the alley? And I was like, no. And they were like, well, there's drag marks all through our yard. It couldn't have been more obvious it was me. We also found your business card in the couch.

And $5 in change. No, it is my couch. Give me that change. But it was like, because you can just deny, deny, deny. Oh, I did. I denied it all the way. That's funny.

Drag marks, eh? I'm still moving out. You may want to look into that. You're probably going to need to reseed that area. Anyway, bye. Yeah, somebody was probably trying to drag it back. Maybe it was you guys. Was it you guys trying to steal the couch?

Can I have my damage deposit back, please? Casey, yeah. There is something very freeing about just letting your damage deposit go. That moment you decide that you're like, I'm not getting it back, and I don't care. You'll light a fire in your apartment. Dump soy sauce over here. I don't care. Light a fire, put it out with soy sauce.

Yeah, I do that a lot. It's called cooking for me. That's how I cook. The rice is on fire. How did you light the rice on fire? Because there are some things when you move out, you're like, well, I need to calculate. If I want to get this damage deposit back, I'm going to have to rent one of those rug shampoos. Oh, yeah.

Cleaning Venetian blinds is the craziest. They want you to dust in between every single little thing in the world. Damn Venetians. Come on on i will have my pound of flesh the uh yeah the i've never left a place like in in uh bad shape but certainly in enough like like questionable enough yeah and there's a lot of like and i lived here for five years of course the walls have yeah what's my wear and tear factor? Yeah. You know, there's going to be some.

I once tried to hang a TV on the wall, and it was too high a bunch of times. So when I moved out, there were five. I had drilled in, hung it up, and then sat down and be like, nope, and then put it lower, and then sat down on the couch again and be like, also no. Wait, there was a set in the wall, though, right? The second time that you were like, okay, I did that wrong. You didn't mark it with a pencil? That was by myself.

I didn't have anybody to hold the TV up. How much lower do I want it? And then it ended up being mounted where it would have been if I just left it on the stand. But you didn't... Were there visible holes behind it? Oh, yeah. Behind it or above it?

Above it, because it was where I tried to mount it. Did you hang pictures in front of them? I think I put drywall polyfill over top. Just hang a picture. Just mashed it in there. You go into an apartment that somebody's left there's still pictures hanging everywhere they're like oh what are they hiding my brother

did that when we were kids really like put a huge hole in the wall i think he fell at the top of the stairs he like put his elbow through the wall yeah and then he just drew this like really crappy picture of a goat and then he put my name on it. He wrote Ivan as like I drew it. And you drew it and you hung it? And then he taped it over the hole and it was there for so long because my mom was like, oh Ivan did a goat picture. And then

years later when I think we were moving or something, I like peel it off and there was a big hole behind it and he'd drawn in the hole like oops, you found me. Why didn't he just go out and get some of that drywall that everyone had been putting out on the first day? It's all out on junk day.

I remember going to a house party, and somebody put, you know, a fist through the wall or something, and this girl was freaking out and I was like, oh, we'll just fill it with that polyfill stuff and it just, it couldn't have looked worse. If we just left it with the hole it would have been less obvious.

That only fills so much. Yeah, like we used a whole tube and it just looked like we had just put mud in the wall and like she got in big trouble could you make your own drywall just out of that poly filler

just like you know on a baking sheet dry in the sun yeah drywall was there how do I get rid of this like a kids dry wall stand. It's so inefficient. We can make dry wall in any size.

Cupcake. Cookie sheet. You want a puck of dry wall? Yeah, whatever you want. In a muffin tin? Yeah. We've got all these cookie cutters, so you need like a bell or an angel. That's a good way to make Christmas ornaments, I think.

You could probably make it out of that stuff. Yeah, polyfilla? Yeah, that's not a bad idea. It'd probably ruin the baking sheet. Yeah. And maybe your oven. Put this on your Pinterest. This show is like audio Pinterest. Yeah. Oh, nice. Why doesn't Pinterest have a podcast? Well, they probably do. Yeah, Pinterest.

Pinterest. This was, you grew up in Tawasin. Ladner. Oh, Ladner. Tawasin adjacent? Yeah, it's north of Tawasin, between Tawasin and Richmond. And what was Ladner's claim to fame, or is claimed to fame? I don't know.

It's got a bigger aquatic center. It's got, there's a hockey team, a junior hockey team trains there, the Vancouver Giants. Okay. And they all came to my high school. So none of us got girlfriends. They all had five each. Wait a minute. Oh, so wait.

They attended your high school? Yeah. That was the... Oh, so if you play for that team, you are sent to that high school? Yeah. And so I remember being in grade 11 when they just showed up all of a sudden every girl was like okay bye everybody yeah you're gonna be a professional athlete one day let's see if i can what let's see what i can fit in my mouth yeah they're just in the cafeteria stuffing hot dogs. See? Look at that. See?

We're all like, what's gotten into you, Courtney? Shut up. Oh, wow. So being a magnet school for a junior hockey team would have been. Yeah, it was. And I think they won that year. Somebody was very into the idea of them. Yeah.

And it was great because one of them was in my woodworking class. And the woodshop teacher was like, I'm trying so hard. And he's like, all right, quit screwing around. And then that guy's like, great job, Daryl. He's just hitting a block of wood with a hammer. He's doing nothing. He's sawing his hockey stick in half. Yeah.

A plus, Daryl. Well, that shop teacher probably had some money on the line, and he was making sure that he didn't lose any thumbs or whatever. Yeah. Yeah, maybe. Well, a shop teacher's going to lose a thumb one way or another. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, I think my shop teacher was missing the top of one of his thumbs.

Like they had one joint's worth. Yeah. Did your shop teacher? No, he had all his fingers. Oh, wow. He was a guitarist, so I think he kept him real. He was real careful. I took drama. You didn't ever take shop? No. No, he had all his figures. Oh, wow. He was a guitarist, so I think he kept him real. He was real careful.

I took drama. Did you ever take shop? No. I think we had. There was a year that you had to mandatory do half a year of shop, half a year of home ec. No, we never did. Boy, did I flubbed home ec so bad. I would have been great at it. A shop I would have been horrible at, but I could have.

Did you do sewing in home ec or Or was it just cooking? We did sewing, and we had to make boxer shorts, and my friend made his boxer shorts, and he followed a pattern, but it was one of those hilarious things where we were all finishing, and we were turning around holding them up, and his were the size of a tent.

I don't know how I didn't notice during that they were enormous. Here's mine! You could have put them on a bed. They're like a punchline from Hee Haw. Here's mine, ladies. You think the Vancouver Giants are everything.

Look how giant my boxers are. I got your Vancouver Giant right here. That doesn't make any sense. No, I know, but you know, like teenage brain. Yeah, like, ooh. I think it was just because we had old patterns that were in imperial measurement. So you had to switch them to centimeters and then switch them back. Yeah, the sewing unit, because using a sewing machine is so hard.

Yeah, because you got to be really careful on the pedal. Yeah, because I remember. It's just like. And I ripped my thing first, and it broke. Well, it didn't break, but the machine got all jammed up. Yeah. And so then I had to supervise somebody else while they did it. Yeah.

Because I had blown it. You were supervising it for credit? Good work. My pillow was so shitty. You made a pillow? Yeah, that was one of the things we had to make was a pillow. Buckwheat husk? No, just cotton.

Cotton pill. But as soon as I was done, I remember walking out into the hallway and throwing it right in the garbage. I was like, mark this. Okay, bad mark. Okay, garbage. There's certain advantages to being in school. You get to use their garbage and stuff. Oh, yeah.

I miss, the one thing I really miss about working at CBC is there was just a place you could put your documents for shredding. Yeah. And it's like, oh, yeah. All these bank balances I printed out are like, yeah. Even having access to a good printer and fax machine. Yeah. And it's like, oh yeah, all these bank balances I printed out are like, yeah. Even having access

to like a good printer and fax machine. Yeah. When I worked at the science center, it was great. Anytime I had to fax or print anything,

I was like, okay, I'm going to pop into the work and just do it. Also, if anyone from CBC is listening,

I miss the people as well. Yeah, yeah, the culture, right? But the, but man, that shredderder and getting buzzed in pretty cool yeah i remember like uh working at a job once and then when i left i remembered that

i really liked the vending machine at that job like it had every candy i liked and i was like gonna miss you yeah most of all yeah like i Yeah, like I'll never have so many candies I like in one vending machine again. Yeah. You know? I think I had a paper shredder, but now I don't have it anymore. So I don't know what happened. I think I put a CD in it. Yeah, you probably put it in a junk bag.

Purge day, yeah. I put a CD in it. I think I broke it by trying to shred a compact disc. Because there are ones that do that. Yeah. For people who are so protective of their documents. There's no way to ruin a compact disc other than shredding it. They're so strong.

They can get red no matter what. I remember when I was in college and we were doing our radio broadcasting kind of unit. And the one teacher said, like, you know, I know that you've been told the compact discs are indestructible. And I was like, I don't think that was the line on compact discs.

They're very easy to scratch. And very easy to just break in half. Yeah. Drive over. But yeah, I don't remember why he... I mean, I guess compared to records, they're pretty hardy. Yeah, I guess so. Tapes.'re pretty hardy. Yeah, I guess so.

Tapes, those things. Yeah, I still have tapes that could probably be played had I a tape player. Yeah, right. I remember finding tapes on the ground when they would be smashed, and it was just like the longest. Oh, yeah, the tape was blowing in the wind. In a tree just this long tape

I was like oh that's my Roxette album oh no um yeah and then or if

like a little bit of tape would get pulled out by the machine yeah it would get all crinkled and you

would try to like you'd stick your pencil in but you could never quite get it folded flat the way it had been. That was like one of those, like, nostalgia memes. It was like, remember when pencils and tapes went together?

Remember this? You're young and cool. Yeah, those memes more and more just make you feel old when they're like, you remember this? You're like, oh, I do remember that. Well, except the ones that are, like, now for it. Hey, do you remember this you're like oh i do remember that except the ones that are like now for hey do you remember like the iphone one i guess so but i wasn't a kid during it round quarters they're gonna have to come up with like buzzfeed silver yeah do you remember punky brewster then you're old. Welcome to BuzzFeed Silver.

Dave, what's going on with you, man? Okay. So me, I'm this guy. Hi. I occupy this body. Yeah, absolutely. In this realm, anyway. Yeah, on this plane.

A few months ago, maybe 10, 9, 10 months ago, we had Nikki Glaser on the show. And my topic that week was that summertime goths. I had spotted some summertime goths. These are goths who have like summertime wardrobes. Yeah, like reluctantly. Reluctantly, but like black everything, but also like, you know, tall boots, but also black shorts. Yeah. Okay.

And, like, a black vest. I love it. Very pale legs in between that short and boot. Here's a new goth phenomenon I have witnessed in recent weeks is, like, mostly among teenage goths are goth people who are like super well put together. They've got their makeup done. They've got all the clothes match. They're looking tight. Yeah, yeah.

The whole thing is well thought out. And they're with a friend who's not a goth. Yeah, yeah. Non-goth hang friend. Yeah, yeah. Are-goth hang friend. Yeah, yeah. And I've witnessed... Are we talking like teenaged? Yeah, like maybe early 20s or like maybe university age or high school.

Because no matter what, that non-goth person looks like a counselor or a parole officer or like appointed by the government to get them off goth. But sometimes it's like they're just dressed as a 20-year-old, so they're wearing like pajama pants. So it's not just that the goth person is like into the dark arts or whatever, but they also have put more effort into what they're wearing. And so like... The goth person looks better.

Yeah, they go, of course. Then someone who's just like wearing slippers outside that's pretty advantageous i guess as a goth because then you're like see i'm not the worst yeah i've always thought uh like a punk a punk or a goth would be a good president yeah i mean uh you know hopefully this will be the year president goth what are you to do about the immigration crisis? I don't even care. Whatever. Why do they just keep coming here?

Everybody just needs to chill out. I'm so sad. Even the political? The political? The political Goths. The political Goths? Poly-tickle. That's when you tickle more than one person.

Even political goths are pouty? Yeah, they're always pouty. Even if they're like 50? I don't know. Yeah, I think they're pouting for life. That's part of the goth creed. P4L. Yeah.

But the... Do not tickle a goth. That's like a big no-no. Yeah, do not polytickle. Do not polytickle. So do you think these guys, maybe they got... Tickle me emo. Tickle me emo.

There we go. Here we go. Do you think they got assigned to be roommates? Yeah, it was sort of that. In the university? Yeah, or one of those things where it's like, you both have to take care of this egg. You'll be the mom and you'll be the dad. And the goth guy wants to die at black, and the other one's like, you both have to take care of this egg. You'll be the mom and you'll be the dad.

And the goth guy wants to die at black, and the other one's like, no, come on now. Like a weird Japanese egg. It was squid ink. I never lived on campus, but you're in one room together, right? So is half of the room way gothed out? Absolutely. You paint it down the middle.

Or you have a line of masking tape. Did you ever live on campus with a roommate? No. No, but the apartment I live in now is very similar to a dorm. It's very small. It is kind of like a dorm. I've been told that. I did.

And you do each have, in my dorm experience, it was two beds. Yeah. One on each side, a symmetrical room. Yeah. Bulletin board by each bed. No, two desks. Yeah. And yeah, so you-

One bathroom? Or it's like hallway bathroom? Hallway, like bathroom for everyone on the floor. That's kind of a weird thing that the step out of being like living with your parents and then they're like, okay, this is the intermediate step where you live in a room with a stranger. And you don't get your own bathroom. Those days are over, sonny. Yeah. So you're basically in a group home situation.

And then I guess you graduate to your own place. but that's a weird in-between step if you and it's it is really like uh i remember in my second year there was a guy who was just like you we could tell the moment he arrived you're not gonna make it he was really sort of like he seemed maybe he was homeschooled and he was just really quiet and timid and it was just like everyone here watched a million college movies the day before they showed up. So it's all like, everything's a toga to us.

Yeah, everybody's sliding around. Yeah, they're making the whole hallway with dish soap so people can slide around. We're all pledges. It wasn't even like... Were you in a fraternity? No. But we,

like, I guess the internet was a thing thing but it wasn't what it is today so like you wouldn't how did everyone show up knowing how to make a beer bomb yeah yeah that is weird yeah it's like i although uh well yeah i think you're right i think it's from movies or older brothers. Yeah. Passing down the knowledge, too. That used to be the way that it was like, because people in school would be very different depending on if they were the oldest kid or the youngest kid. Because youngest kids were always like, my older brothers taught me all this cool stuff. And I'll swear and say, far out losers or whatever.

What decade are we going to school in? Well, my older brother is much older. My older brother is my dad. Real groovy older brother. Right on.

We were born 25 years apart. My older brother taught me how to have a catch. But you're right. The youngest kid always knew their way around My older brother taught me how to have a catch. Yeah. But you're right. The youngest kid always knew their way around all that. I'm the youngest kid.

I didn't know anything. Did you know that nothing got handed down? Did you get some cool Ace of Base CDs from your older siblings and then be the one in grade two? Like, I listen to Ace of Base. Well, my siblings listened to Queen. And I remember that it was, I thought it was so cool that I knew Bohemian Rhapsody before Wayne's World came out. Oh, nice.

Yeah, that's not bad at all. That's a feather in your cap. Yeah, well, who no one remembers but me. Now the world knows. Yeah, that's right. Everybody in podcast land, Dave got cooler. You didn't think it was possible. But, like, I will hear stories sometimes, like, from, like,

a famous musician will say that their older brother turned them on to a kind of music or a type of writing or something. I never did that for my younger brothers. I never. I think that if I did, they'd be like, nah stuff yeah boo exactly so i got it i got this figured out yeah uh do you have two younger brothers yeah dude are there two siblings that are super close are you close to one of them or no they're close they're the two of them are close and they do they do you think they badmouth you yeah oh yeah probably well definitely when we were younger that was

that was the whole thing what's the age difference uh three years and five years who between you and the next one below you yeah it's three years three years and they're they're five years apart and they're closer no five years yeah oh apart oh okay and uh but they like I think they bonded uh in large part to my tyranny so I I fused them as a unit

were you were you closer with your younger like the next youngest brother and then you got to the point where you're like a teenager and then you're like oh hang on

my younger brother no no they teamed up fairly early because they recognized that I was gonna be they saw it coming yeah it was like uh Wayne

the brother from the wonder years yeah like I was going to be... They saw it coming. Yeah, it was like Wayne, the brother from The Wonder Years. Yeah. Like I was just constantly butt-head this and scrote that. Yeah. Exactly. And then they both took Kung Fu, and so then they... And you didn't know that was an option. Yeah, I was like, oh boy. That's not allowed. Yeah, once my height

and weight advantage went out the window, I was like, oh, I'm screwed. Yeah. Yeah, so they still hang out and stuff, Ooh, I'm screwed. Yeah. Yeah. So they, uh, yeah, they still, they like hang out and stuff cause they both live in Calgary. But,

uh, but yeah, I don't think I ever passed on any like here, try this. You know, I don't think I was very influenced by my older brother. Like I, I kind of stuck to for the first,

like, you know, 15 years of my life. It was all just like, what does he like? I like that thing. Oh, yeah, me too. It's a real tag along.

Yeah. How much older is your brother? He's like 15 months. Oh, okay. Or whatever. Yeah, my older brother's eight years older than me. And so I have two sisters in between, but I went around them. Just liked my older brother.

Yeah. And you don't have sisters? I have a half them. Just liked my older brother. Yeah. And you don't have sisters. I have a half sister. Half sister. Yeah. Is that an accident? The magician pulled her on stage. Yeah.

Oh no. Yes, I have a sister and a brother on my father's side. Oh, okay. Was that from when you were young? No. No, they were born like, I would think I was like 15 when she was side. Was that from when you were young? No. They were born, I think I was 15 when she was born. I was already an adult.

Did you pass anything on to her? No. It's not too late. I don't know. I'll get involved someday. Give her a Cat Stevens album. That cat's in there. What you should do is That's not Cat Stevens album. Yeah. The cat's in the cradle. What you should do is you should... That's not Cat Stevens.

No, you just said cat. I assumed he was talking about himself. Wait, that's not... No, Cat Stevens is Year of the Cat. He's not in the cradle? Wait, so it's a cat in the cradle? You should sign up for Big Brothers and then really make her mad. I thought about it.

Because after working at Science World, I was like, I've been a pretty good big brother. I thought about it for a couple of days. And then I was like, nah, I wasn't even a good big brother to my own brother. Yeah. I have a younger brother. Why don't I just call him on the phone? Exactly. And that's what I did.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, I saw a goth. What's a goth with a friend? Yeah, I saw that twice. Really? Yeah, with two normals. Big brother goth with a friend. Yeah, I saw that twice. Really? Yeah, with two normals.

Big brother goths. Maybe that's it. Maybe that's a program is they assign a goth to a person who doesn't have their life together. And the goth helps them. Because they've lived through adversity from being a goth. It's tough out here for a goth. You're just a normal. Take those pajama pants off. Here's how you make decisions in life.

Whips out a Ouija board. Just clean your room and paint most of the stuff black. Yeah. Just paint stuff. Like drawing crows in your diary. That's not bad. Yeah, that's not bad. Go hang out at the graveyard.

Yeah. Here's a Morrissey record. Record, I guess. Yeah. Vital, so black. Solo Morris bad. Yeah, that's not bad. Go hang out at the graveyard. Yeah. Here's a Morrissey record. Record, I guess. Yeah. Vinyl so black. Solo Morrissey. Graham, what's up with you? I, you know, I like to consume alcohol.

Sure. Sure, we all do, right? Right, guys? Well, yeah, we like to. Yeah, absolutely. But we can never get enough. No. Well, apparently I hit my upper limits last week.

Is this a sad story? No, it's not sad at all. But it's one of these things where... A rambunctious Graham tale. Yeah, like I don't drink till the point of craziness where I'm out doing crazy things. Except this past weekend. That's exactly what i did uh i went to dinner went to uh had a very nice dinner with uh some friends yum yum uh yeah delicious delicious yeah nom nom nom wine at dinner uh no i was uh i was drinking uh

whiskey the whole night yeah and was everybody else drinking whiskey yep may I ask where you went for dinner this was at my friend's house so this was a prepared meal home cooking but it was one of those nights where just like every time I put down my

glass it was back to full again like the person was just constantly like topping up. Yeah. So you never even know how many you've had. I had no idea. And I was sitting the whole time. And so I was just, I was just having fun.

We were sitting around after, you know, sitting around the kitchen table, just chatting for hours. Yeah. And then when I stood up to leave, was like holy man like what have i done yeah and i mean like i don't think that i have felt this way probably since i was 20 wow like this is like did you make a special thing of this did you chase a somebody well or was it already like okay this is a bad place to be yeah Yeah, I was like, this is bad. This is bad news bears.

Did somebody have to take you home and put you to bed? No. Did someone just set you up face first on the toilet? Yeah. You'll be fine here. Put in a little stereo. I called the cab. Then footage missing.

Don't know how that panned out uh and we presume you paid for it yeah yeah i i doubt the cab would have let me out otherwise and now a lot of this was pieced together memento style the next day like i said yeah call a cab oh did you text anybody saucy stuff no no saucy stuff like i didn't did you post a bunch of blurry pictures like a certain friend of ours always does on instagram when they're drunk i don't want to say oh yeah okay no no i didn't i didn't do anything that would or at least i thought i didn't uh i didn't do anything that I thought was like bad drunk guy behavior. Well, that's good. Then you win. Well, then I get back to the house.

I'm like, well, mission accomplished. And then my stomach was like, wait a minute. I want to do something too. And then I threw up like crazy, which I haven't like a decade at least. Wow. At all or from alcohol? From alcohol. Like those days I thought were well a decade at least. Wow. At all. Or from alcohol, from alcohol. Like those days I thought were well behind me.

Yeah. Uh, and then in the morning when I woke up, I was like, why did I had this crazy dream that I was in a construction site and I pushed over an outhouse and then I felt bad about it. And I stood the outhouse back up. I was like,

what a crazy dream. And then I saw my boots caked in mud. And I was like, mud you hope. Oh, boy. So this was between the cab and home, man. Yeah, just drop me off here. Drop me off at this construction site. You just did this by yourself?

Yeah. See, whenever I do stuff crazy or drunk, it's because other people are around. And I get very excited when I'm around people. And that's usually what tends to push me to drink. My brother has it, too. We were in Whistler a little while ago. And it was the night we did the show. I did a show, and I brought my brother up because we were going to go skiing the next day.

And then we just both got so drunk because we were like, we were excited to be around everybody. Yeah, we were in Whistler. Hooray! We bought pizza. My brother threw it at a guy. Stole a pipe glass from the bar and then smashed it on a tree later. See, I would never do anything. But I did something and then immediately was like,

well, that's wrong. I've got to go fix it. Yeah, I stood it back up. See, that's good, though, that you still have that. Now, you don't drink beer as much anymore. No. But for years, that was your drink of the year. Yeah, yeah, always.

And it's low enough in alcohol that you can just sort of drink it, sip it as like... Yeah, just like you're sipping tea or something. Yeah, but you get thirsty, you have a sip. Yeah. But do you just have the same habit now with whiskey? No, I think it was the same habit now with whiskey? No, I think it was the fact that there was no, like when you're at a bar, you're ordering and you're mentally keeping track and you're kind of like, okay, well, that's enough.

But because it was just like my glass was never empty and I never stood up the whole night until I was leaving. And then I was like, oh, goodness. Because whiskey doesn't make you pee as much as beer. Yeah. Because beer, you got to go to the bathroom. Well, yeah, it's the volume. You're drinking a lot of liquid in there. But yeah, just like, just bonkers, man. But yeah, it's weird when you get to drinking age and you're like, oh, I can have a few of whatever.

Yeah. You're not, like, you wouldn't do that with any other type of drink. You wouldn't be like, oh, well. I've got six Cokes. Yeah, six Dr. Peppers tonight. When you were a teenager, you did that. Yeah. Yeah, that's true.

You would drink a two liter Dr. Pepper, not even think twice about it. Yeah. Yeah. When they had the. Like, I'll have eight milks. Or energy drinks. What about that? eight milks or energy drinks what about that you have five energy drinks eight keepers teens do that there are people that i know that do more than one energy drink yeah energy drinks like uh yeah when when i go on a coding jag that's what i

do yeah yeah i feel like uh because it's got that very specific smell. It smells like kind of medicine-y. Like sweet medicine. Yeah, yeah. But like, I feel like people do smell it. Your love is like sweet medicine. Let's code a bunch of code for our website. Whoa, shake it up. It's the website for our wedding.

Doggy. We're cool. We don't send invitations. Do you think wedding invitations, will that become just a thing of a bygone era because everybody has wedding websites? I think people still like the stationery. The stationery people will hold on to like, well, you got to send it. You got to spend thousands on this. Yeah.

Even though really now you just kind of send people an email like, log in here, RSVP on this website. Yeah. Don't, I don't know. It just feels like is that, I mean, obviously like people still send invitations, but it feels like. A fun thing to do is ask your mom and dad what their wedding hashtag was. What's your hashtag for your wedding?

What was, what what was when people posted pictures on insta yeah when they were grabbing them pics Tom and Diane 78 wow

you were the first Tom and Diane on Instagram yeah um yeah I've never hashtagged at a wedding

but I'm sure that's a thing I just don't energy drinks I can't I'll drink like one and then I'm like that's what do you drink a monster what are you a red bull i started drinking energy drinks before i go on stage because doing an hour is hard like it's you really you really get tired after doing comedy for yeah i guess i guess what i don't like to

eat before yeah and i find energy drinks make me very jittery. Yeah. So I did that once, and I was like, ooh, I don't like this feeling. Sometimes I'll screw up words if I have too much. Because you're saying things too fast. It's like, yeah, the words are coming out of my face too quickly. Yeah. My teeth and tongue are like, we can't handle this. Slow down, brain. You're bugging up the system.

My teeth are all like Lucille Ball with the chocolates wait a minute your teeth are on a conveyor belt? the words are on a conveyor belt oh yeah the teeth and the tongue

are like we gotta form these yeah I guess the metaphor is good yeah sure and Ethel's eating a bunch yeah thank god for Ethel

she eats a lot of words do we want to move on to uh over her sure hello i am comedian and television writer guy brandon and every week on pop rock i host a fun freewheeling conversation about all the aspects of pop culture you love to love with my friends and co-panelists. Digital strategist, Winter Mitchell. Journalist, Margaret Wappler. Academic and DJ, Oliver Wang. And you guys, this conversation is not just something we do privately. It's available to you through the Information Superhighway.

So please, subscribe to Pop Rocket on iTunes or at MaximumFun.org. I'm Jesse Thorne, the host of Bullseye. Bullseye is your guide to what's good in pop culture. Every week, I'll sit down with people like Elvis Costello, Elizabeth Banks, and Spike Lee to talk about their creative work and their lives. Find your new favorite TV show, book, movie, or album and gain new insights into the things you already love.

That's Bullseye from MaximumFun.org and NPR. Overheard. Overheard. The segment that's the part two to the part one of this show. First we get to know us, then we overhear things. And we always like to start with the guest. I do have some that I did. i don't know if i did these already no well well if they if they

ring a bell we'll let you know how many you got uh there was a it was it was one that i heard uh i was walking downtown because i walk around a lot uh when i go to shows and there's people talking about hunger games movie the new one yeah and they're like yeah I knew Hunger Games movie was out and the guy was like really I thought she was dead and

they're like no she just caught fire it never occurred to me that maybe someone in the Hunger Games catching fire catches fire yeah oh yeah I only ever saw the

first one where they Lenny Kravitz is the designer I just watched the like catching fire one catches fire. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I only ever saw the first one where they, Lenny Kravitz is the designer. I just watched the, like, Catching Fire one, which is the first half, because now when they do, like, a book series

and the final movie is always split in two. Yeah, you gotta. And the first half of the final book is the worst movie. She's, like, basically just trying

to shoot a commercial. It's all, they need to make a propaganda film to, like, push the... It's just, like, a camera. It's all they need to make a propaganda film to push the... It's just like a camera crew's following her around, and they're like, really get into it. She's like, I can't. I'm sad about it.

In this scene, you're at the piano. We got the uh-huh girls behind you. It's so terrible. Yeah. Remember to hit the line. You've got the right one, baby. Hunger Games. I was like, why am I watching this?

It was horrendous. Yeah, I only saw the first one also. And then there's a part where the base gets bombed but it's all filmed from inside the base so you just see people like huddling and then there's like dust falling from the ceiling that's how i would shoot it on a budget it was like thing explodes just out of frame yeah yeah yeah the character reads on the internet about the one uh i don't even know what it's called it's not divergent it's not insurgent is it allegiant i think divergence might be the one but it's it's it's the divergent was the first one and the second one is oh yeah repellent that's what mad magazine would call it. Yeah. But they were showing a clip of it, and it's like,

they didn't come within a thousand miles of ever being on an actual set. Yeah. Everything is like... A lot of tight shots of people being like, look over there, that thing's exploding. But just there in an office, and you go, oh, it's got a beautiful view of the city, and there's hover cars and stuff.

No one's looking at anything yeah everything's so white yeah it's uh i always like wonder like because we were talking before the podcast started about auditions and how crazy it is that you walk in a room and they're like pretend there's you're commanding an army or something but that's a whole movie for these actors now like they have to pretend there's a thing anding an army or something but that's a whole movie for these actors now like they have to pretend there's a thing and yeah a guy and they're talking to something and yeah it's a more insane version of acting was it sky captain in the world of tomorrow that was like the first one yeah and then but for some reason like the guy who made that has never made another movie like it wasn't a successful movie but like it was i think it was a very expensive movie but it was for how bad it was but he was like this visionary who

kind of predicted that this is how we're just going to make movies yeah yeah well that's the way it goes and then george lucas did it and it went really well yeah exactly it's going to be the visionary and then the guy who doesn't makes a lot of money off of it. Tales all this time. Dave, do you have an overheard? We've been podcasting for eight years. Oh, yeah, absolutely. We're the visionaries who don't make the money. Yeah, that's true.

Look at your Marc Marons and stuff started after us. Ta-da. Yeah. You're welcome, Marc Marons. We've got to get more intense. This is the only podcast that Hamilton creator Lin-Manuel Miranda does not listen to. Is that right? Oh, he's a big comedy podcast guy. Oh, I didn't know.

I didn't know. It's fine. It's fine. I haven't gone to his play. Yeah, that's true. Tit for tat. I mean, if I could, I would. It's probably a pretty good play.

Yeah. Well, people are raving about it. Raving? Critics are raving. No, no. Raven. Raven. Yeah. They're dressing up as gods. They people are raving about it. Raving? Yeah. Critics are raving. No, no. Raven. Raven. Yeah.

They're dressing up as cats. They're so raving about it. They're bringing cats. That's always a weird phrase when people are like, critics raving. Like, that seems like they're in the streets, like, screaming. See cats! See it! God, this is a cat!

There's foaming at the mouth. Tearing your hair out. Running up from the street. Grabbing your shirt collar. You gotta see it! Yeah. R mouth. Tearing their hair out. Running up to the street. Grabbing your shirt collar. Yes! Yes! Yeah. Raving. These are critics.

Yeah. Everyone's a critic. Oh, yeah. They are now on the internet. We gave everybody a voice. That really worked out. Everyone's raving. Yeah, we all care what you think about this restaurant, you doofus.

Here's my overheard, guys. So, last weekend I went to Gabriola Island. Uh-huh and uh i went on a friday afternoon and i didn't uh i guess i i must have known this but i didn't realize that it's such a small island they don't have a high school and so when i was taking the the ferry boat over uh right when i got to the ferry terminal uh to get on the boat a like two school buses came and just dropped off kids who had been like, commute to school. You were on Breaker High. I was on, well, it was a 20 minute boat ride.

Still, that's how long the episodes were. It's true. You were on an episode of Breaker High. Ryan Gosling was there. Yeah. And Tyler Labine. And the other people. Yeah, and the rest.

Yeah, the professor, Marianne. So, I get on the boat that's just packed with teenagers. And I'm like, I better get some overhands out of this. Yeah. Sort of got one. But it was more the overall experience of just being surrounded by teenagers. Because I got on the boat and all the seats are in like four, right?

Like two facing the other two. And so I just sat down on my own in one area that was like the, on one side of me, there was a couple that was like very handsy, a very young, young teen love couple. Well, I'd say like old enough to that they're probably doing it okay swapping fluids and so the uh uh so i was like i'm not gonna sit close to them yeah i don't know what kind of fluids it was like i either sit facing them to look at them or i just called them just sit next to them and get rubbed on so i sat far from them

and then the girls behind me it was like four 15 year old girls and they were all uh they had a bunch i guess they i don't know if they do this a lot but they had a bunch of hair products out for this 20 minute jaunt across the water. Right. Oh, they were doing salon? They were doing salon. What? And so my overheard is like, they were just like trading, swapping stuff. And like, do you want a hairspray and mousse?

And one of the girls says, I'll take mousse because it's so delicious. And there was nothing. No one said anything. Like chocolate mousse is what she followed up with. And they was nothing. No one said anything. Like chocolate. Is what, is what she followed up with. And they got nothing as well.

No laughs. So she's bombing. Yeah. She's bombing to her three friends. And then I'm just like, I didn't turn around to look at them at all until I got off the boat at the very end. And they had plugged a curling iron into the wall. And on a 20 minute boat ride, they're like going full-on full-on salon

um full-on salon i uh uh yeah that's the thing that guys there's no there's no guy equivalent to salon i don't know magic cards yeah i guess that is pretty salon y Yu-Gi-Oh. That's what guys do on the boat when there's four 15-year-olds together. I'm just talking about Iron Man. How does that, I mean, don't tell me, but how does that work? Because I've seen the cards and you just, are you trading? You're not trading. You're playing. Yeah.

You're playing. They call it a trading card game. Do you win the other person's cards if you beat them? I think they took that out because it got too... Then nobody wanted to play each other. Because Donnie cried. Because the cards are very expensive. So when you're playing for...

Sure. Magic cards used to have... Can't you just photocopy? Yeah, can't you just bring your own? What, with the internet? I wish. You know, all the Photoshop andoshop and i think it's in the official rules no photocopies cards says it in big letters yeah but i don't know put your xerox

away kevin seems like to be very fake like easy to fake same with like beanie babies that would have been very easy to fake a beanie baby what are you talking about? Well, you just explained earlier that using a sewing machine is a goddamn nightmare. Yeah, for me, but for somebody who knows how to sew, I just, like, I just thought about it.

I was like, oh, if a bunch of people knew how to sew, got together, were they all the exact same pattern? Like, were they all like the same bear? No,

they were different animals, but I think you can take one and be like, all right. Yeah. This is a, you know, a tropical bear. Yeah, alright. This is a tropical bear. This one is an arctic bear. More.

Okay, this is a patriotic bear. This is like a geographic bear. Oh boy. Mountain bear. Underwater bear. Yeah. Under bear. Huh? Under bear?

Nice, like underwear. Underbear. Underbear? I'm pretty good. Bare naked bear. It's the only bear that's sponsored by the bare naked lady. Official merchandise of the bare naked lady. There was a signed headshot of him in the diner I was eating at in Victoria yesterday.

Oh, sure, you gotta eat here. All of them signed it, or just it one signature all of the bare naked ladies yeah that's the signature yeah yeah don't don't ever get dressed to the bare naked ladies what do they sign what would there be a chicken of china anyways guys it's been a lot of fun. Yeah. Well, thanks for that. Yeah, yeah. You have an overhead. I do. Yeah, yeah. I was at a pizza place, Pizza Garden. It's called. Nummy, nummy in my tummy. What city is this in?

Commercial Drive. This is in Vancouver on Commercial Drive. Oh, okay. It's making you laugh, Calorie. Yeah. Every Monday. I always go there before the show. Is this a sit-down place or a slice place? Slice place.

Slice place. there before the show is this a sit-down place or a slice place slice place and i was behind the guy uh in line and the guy the guy serving said like what uh what kind do you want and the guy said oh is that a capicola pizza over there and the guy goes yeah but that's for uh that's for a delivery and the guy's like oh okay and then the guy goes I'm just kidding you're gonna have a slice of it that's fun yeah but I it's just

I don't know that guy was just having a really fun night oh yeah see I like that when the little sassy I don't

you don't like service I don't want to be made the fool made to look it's bad when yeah it's bad when you're made

to look the fool but it's it's all about the pause yeah if he pauses for too long so you gotta be like okay well i guess i'll just i'm just kidding there's a there's a jamaican restaurant in my neighborhood called the lion's den and the guy who runs that place is it's all that so like i non-stop sass. Yeah, I want a Jamaican patty. How many dozen do you want? Oh, ha ha ha. Just two.

Not two dozen, just like, just two. Yeah, it was really backtracking. Come on, don't fuck me over on this. I actually do want

two dozen now. Oh, no. I don't have the money for it. Yeah, I'm a paying customer, so no one fuck around here. But I just thought

it was funny because him saying that that's for delivery pizza is a totally, that's like a logical thing that could really be a thing. Exactly. Yeah, it was fun. It's less fun. It's not fun.

I mean, when it's not you, when you get to watch somebody else. Yeah. It's fun for you. Sheldon Freud. The owner. Now, we also have overheards that have been sent in from around the world. Wait, what? That's right.

Now, we also have overheards that have been sent in from around the world. Wait, what? That's right. If you want to send one in, you can send it into SPY at MaximumFun.org. I know. Where did my brain go? And this first one comes from Eric in Honolulu, Hawaii. Oh, yeah.

Honolulu bear. My favorite beanie baby. They weren't all bears, cocoa bear coconut bear i think there were very few bears i think the beanie babies were mostly bears there was a lot of bears or if not exclusively bears no there was like snails and stuff yeah yeah there were bears and snails you those were knockoff beanie babies oh my grandma used to make her own. So this is, while walking in my neighborhood, a car driving by scraped along three or four cars parked on the street right in front of me, knocking the mirrors off and doing real damage before the driver turned and kept going. I didn't get the plate number, but I called the police to report a hit and run and describe the car.

The police operator took my name and number. A few minutes later, I got a call from an officer saying they had the driver in custody a few blocks away and asked if I would be able to walk over and identify him or his vehicle. As I approached the scene, I saw the car up on the sidewalk smashed into a stone wall with the handcuffed, seemingly inebriated driver sitting on the curb saying to an officer, well, the important thing is we all learned something. The cops were like, you're right. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, you, you learned your lesson, so I'm going to let you off. Yeah. What did we all learn? Yeah. Well, learn something new every day. If you don to let you off. Yeah, what did we all learn? Yeah.

Well, learn something new every day. If a day goes by where you don't learn something, that's a day wasted. He had pulled over the car to get out and knock over a porta potty. Felt bad about it. Stead it back up again. Accidentally poured it all onto himself. Oh, I don't know how I didn't do that. Did you have any blue water stains on your boots?

No, but I was surprised. It wasn't an airplane toilet. There's blue water in porta-potties. Well, fancy ones. Yeah, what is, usually, there's something down there, right? Yeah, some kind of smell preventer. Something down there that keeps you going. I just remember past guest Ryan Beal telling the story of Yeah.

Of drunkenly Mailbox Biking home And knocking over Every newspaper box And mailbox Yeah And then the cops Made him

Put them all back up Well he learned something Yeah We all learned something And the whole time They were ripping him This next one Comes from Katie

This is in Seattle At a Chinese Vegetarian restaurant The restaurant is known For its fake meat made from wheat gluten. And there are signs all over the place indicating that although the menu says things like Kung Pao chicken and beef and broccoli, there's no actual meat involved. Uh, you could not miss the signs. Plus the restaurant has vegetarian in its name. I had, uh, just started eating when a couple of 20-something guys came in, sat down

They were chatting and looking over the menu when one of them said, shark fin soup And another said, that's sick, let's get out of here And stood up and announced to all of the diners, this place serves shark fin soup And then they stormed off So That's great Hooray, guys Yeah, just having the name like vegetarian doesn't

necessarily convince people yeah that's true like show me show me the thing there are restaurants that have like that are like a donut place that also makes sandwiches they serve sandwiches here. These are shark sandwiches. It's not all donuts like the sign says. You know that Canadians per capita eat the most donuts? Garbage. Out of any country. What a garbage country. That can't be true.

It is true. Per capita? Yeah. That's because everything else is closed. Maybe if we had a single restaurant that stayed open later than Tim Hortons, we would all eat something else. Yeah, maybe it's because all Canadians are waiting for their flight. And it's the only restaurant in the airport. Yeah. It's funny.

We don't have a lot of options. People go bananas, especially in airports for that Tim Hortons. It's lined up. It's crazy. It's crazy. But it bothers me. I can't stand it. As a Canadian, I feel like I am taking crazy pills. Like, what's wrong with all of you?

Yeah. Why? It is one of those things where it's like they've stitched themselves into the fabric of the culture. But they're basically like a Dunkin' Donuts. Like it's not... And nothing is like... When you think of baked goods, they're usually baked that day or whatever.

Like nothing in there is fresh. They make it in the back. No, no, it's all delivered. Really? Yeah. Where's the back in the airport one? I don't know. This last one comes from Aaron in Santa Barbara.

From a six-year-old being picked up by his mom after his martial arts class, kid says, my hands smell dirty like a ghost. Oh, yeah. I guess. I guess ghosts would smell. Come on, ghosts. Wash your hands. Yeah. I don't think guess ghosts would smell. Come on, ghosts. Wash your hands. Yeah.

I don't think... Would ghosts smell? Wouldn't they? I think if they were going to smell like anything, they would smell like ozone. Like a lightning storm. I feel like, yeah, they would smell cold. It's like the electrical... Like minty?

No, no. Maybe like... Have you ever smelled a battery? I guess what a ghost would smell like. Like copper? Yeah. Yeah. I think what a ghost would smell like. Like copper? Yeah. Yeah. I think they would

smell like Freon. Like air conditioning. Oh, yeah. Maybe. Nice. Yeah. Timmy Freon. Boy, come haunt me

on a summer day. Oh, man. I was in a hotel not last night, the night before, and I just, oh, I love cranking up that air conditioning.

So it was a real guilty pleasure. And then you hide under the blankets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Make night before, and I just, oh, I love cranking up that air conditioning. So it was a real guilty pleasure. And then you hide under the blankets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Make it so cold and then I get... Hey, how long did it take you to turn off the light thing above the bed? There's like this weird band of rope lights that like shone. I couldn't find the switch.

No, the switch was the only thing that was lit up, so I just flicked it and it turned off. But it was orange. For the homeless, Graham and Ivan stayed in the same hotel yesterday. Yeah, we stayed in the same hotel. Not the same room though. Well, we could have. That would have been fun. Yeah. We could have drawn a line down the middle.

My goth stuff could have stayed on my side. Did you guys both have two beds? No, just one bed. And this crazy... Because that's sort of imperative in the drawing a line down the middle is the two beds. That's true. I always get the two-bedroom, and then one is my bed for chips and eating, and then the other one is the sleeping bed.

They had those remote controls that are just like one piece of plastic. Yeah. And they're just like... So they can easily sanitize it. Have you ever seen those ones? No. And they dunk them in sanitizer. Yeah.

It just looks like the hot... They put it in one of those comb things. But I was monkeying around with it and I flipped the lid off and the battery shot out like a shotgun shell. Like, cha! And so then I had to change the TV manually the rest of the time. You can't just put the battery back in? No, one of them rolled under the bed and I was like, man. Yeah, forget it.

In addition to our words that are written written and we also accept your phone calls if you would like to call us our phone number is 206-339-8328 can we just make a recording of me saying that so i don't have to say it every time wait was it 206-339-8328 yeah that's why that's why okay here they go hey dave gra Graham and presumed guests. This is Michael from Colorado. Hi. I was in downtown Denver with my wife a few days ago at an outdoor mall, and I saw a guy on a BMX bike nearly hit a little girl who was performing. She was busking, actually, which is kind of strange for, like, she was maybe

eight, which actually in retrospect, that might be the most upsetting thing about this. But anyway, a man, a grown man on a BMX bike nearly runs into her and then he starts doing his, like, tricks

around the mall area and some people start yelling at him um calling him an asshole because well you know he almost hit a little girl and uh he speeds off flipping them double birds and goes whatever that's how i live my life anyway have a good show whatever that wasn't overheard, by the way. Oh, shit. God, I hope you don't play this. This is just a disaster.

What did the guy say as he went off in the distance? That's all in my life. How did he flip double birds? Was he riding no hands? Maybe he was popping a wheelie. Yeah, he was probably doing that spin thing. Doing a bar spin? If that's the case, he's a great rider and he deserves your busking respect.

Yeah, he's a credit to our species. BMX bikers everywhere. Oh, boy. BMX. I saw a guy. BMXers for Bernie. Bike made extreme. That's what that stands for, right?

Is that really what it is now? Bike made extreme. Isn't it that stands for, right? Is that really what it is? Bike made extreme. Isn't it bicycle motocross? Is it? I don't know. Is it or is it the thing that I just made up? I didn't make it up. That was in my brain from when I was a kid.

Somebody obviously lied to me as a child and I remembered it. I don't know either. Yours sounds a lot better. Well, I know the TMZ is the 30-mile zone. 20-mile zone? Oh, is that what that is? It's the zone around the movie studios. Oh, why did I never question what TMZ meant?

Two-mile zone? 12-mile zone. I thought it was too much zazziness. I saw a guy on the bus the other day who was easily in his early 50s and he had a longboard. What do we feel about that? Good? Bad?

I say that's par. I say that's like because of free healthcare. You're not seeing that in America. That's really true. I think that guy is well qualified

to represent the LBC. BMX, an abbreviation for bicycle motocross. You guys owe me a Coke. Next phone call. Hey, Devin Graham, it's Patrick Boyd, Omaha. I have an overseen for you.

I was driving behind a guy in a truck. He had a big sign on the back of his truck. I assume for a company he runs or something. And it said in... And it had three lines. And the first line was in big, scary font. Blood rush. And then the next two lines were in a normal font, and it said, Forest of Terror.

And then below that it said, Limo Services. Oh, yeah. I don't know if they're all separate companies he runs. Was it Blood Rush, Forest of Terror, Limo Service? That's cool. I think it's all one company. Yeah, Blood Rush, Forest of Terror, Limo service. That's cool. I think it's all one company. Yeah. Yeah.

Blood Rush. Blood Rush, Forest of Terror, Limo. For your prom. It's like spooky limo. For spooky bachelorette parties. There's like skeletons in there. That would be amazing. If there was like a spooky car you could get for graduation. Yeah, like a Rob Zombie Dragula machine.

Yeah, like a Dragula. Do it, baby. It's got the exposed engine and really big back wheels yeah yeah some rat fink and the inside would be all like red you know uh leather or whatever yeah yellow leather yeah like michael jackson's leather jackets and he's basically digging through the ditches yeah burning through the witches slamming in the back nobody's dragging that was a hit song you guys it was the number one song for four years in a row here we go right next to smooth by yeah here's your final phone call hey dave and graham impossible guest this is from is Melissa from Eugene, Oregon, calling in with an overheard.

I was just having dinner at this sort of hippie little Oregon restaurant where they have quirky art on the walls, including a stylized picture of Abraham Lincoln. And these three teenage girls were at the table next to me, and I heard one of them say, Abraham Lincoln's my dad. No, George Washington is my dad. And then another girl said, I thought, what's his name with your dad? Bill Nye, the science guy?

And then the first girl says, oh, yeah, I loved him. He's my dad. Anyway, I love the show. Thank you. So is that a weird, like, that's you. No, this is my dad. I think it's a way to have a crush on someone Without it being sexual Oh yeah

This is my dad I wish he was my dad They just hate their dads Here are the presidents How does a real dad Feel about that Yeah He's probably working hard

In that patent office Yeah Dads do That patent office Like is her dad Albert Einstein Yeah It's from

Calvin Hobbes' dad was a patent attorney. Oh, attorney? Yeah. Oh. I used to work in a, I don't know. I used to work in a law firm. I used to work in a law firm. And I just remember, oh, I signed a non-disclosure agreement 17 years ago.

Statute of limitations is probably up on that. Anyway. Spill it. They did patent stuff for Starbucks. What did they patent? Frappe. Spelling your name wrong. Gazingo.

Gazingo. What do you get on your Starbucks cup? Gazingo. I say my dad's name. Which is? Ken. Ken. Yeah. Ken Decker.

Nice. Nice. Real nice. I say my dad's name. Ryu. I think my dad might know who you're talking about. Shoryuken. And associates.

Shoryuken and associates. That's how they usually misspell my last name. Dave Shoryugan. And associates. Shoryugan and associates. That's how they usually misspell my last name. Dave Shoryugan. Now, Ivan, this show comes out on the 28th. 28th, so you will have just missed me on CBC television on the 20th. But my album, comedy album that I recorded is coming out June 3rd. It'll be on iTunes and there'll be physical copies, all that jazz. What's it going to be called?

It's called I Wanted to Be a Dinosaur. Nice. And yeah, it's pretty. Where'd you record that? It was recorded here in Vancouver at the Comedy Mix. But it, I don't know. I don't talk about Vancouver in it. That's fine.

Good. For any of you who are from not here. I don't think we talked about't talk about Vancouver in it. That's fine. Good. I don't think we talked about any Canadian things today except possibly Tim Hortons for 45 minutes. Yeah, the Tim Hortons podcast. That's what this is, right? Yeah. That'll be coming out June 3rd. Follow me on Twitter at Ivan Decker and I'll be tweeting all about it.

All that cool stuff. I want it to be a dinosaur. Yep. It's one of the jokes. Sorry, I didn't mean to make that noise. I want it to be a dinosaur. Yep. It's one of the jokes. Sorry, I didn't mean to make that noise. It was just supposed to be a big breath. Yeah, yeah, sure.

I mean, it's been a long time you've been holding your breath. This is the, every podcast, a lot of people don't know, Dave holds his breath the whole time.

Anytime I'm not talking, my head is underwater. Yeah, yeah. We have one of those radio head, no surprises, tanks. And I just. It's like going through a tunnel. You got to hold your breath. You got to wish. Yeah. Yeah. We have one of those radio head, no surprises, tanks. And I just.

It's like going through a tunnel. You got to hold your breath. You get a wish. Oh, yeah. Imagine all the wishes he's made during this one podcast. Oh, yeah. If wishes were. Beanie baby. Horses?

Oh, what is that? Is that a saying? I don't know. If wishes were dishes, I'd have a lot to clean. I mean, sure. That's a real expression. No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're right. I mean, sure. That's a real expression. No. Yeah, you're right.

I made it. If wishes were witches, then... Bikes made extreme. Bike made extreme. Yeah, if wishes were horses, that's a... I just... Beggars would ride. That's an actual thing.

Sure. And if ifs and buts Were candy and nuts We'd all have a wonderful Christmas If And buts If my butt Had candy and nuts

Guys Do we have anything to promote? No just Thank you very much For participating in MaxFunDrive And if you want to go over to MaximumFun.org and check out the blog recap. Uh-huh.

We'll have pictures and videos of things we talked about on today's episode. A BMX bike. Uh-huh. A beanie baby. Yeah. Yeah. American bear. Antarctic bear.

If I can find any of those bears. Hula bear. Radio bear. Yeah. Radio bear. Radio lab bear. If I can find any of those bears. Hula bear. Radio bear. Yeah, radio bear. Radio lab bear. Yeah, sure. Chad Abbott bear rod. And if you like the show, tell your friends, and you can leave a review on iTunes.

And thanks so much for being our guest. Oh, my pleasure. Thanks for having me. And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture.

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