Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 42 - David Tsonos

Episode Date: December 15, 2008

Comedian David Tsonos joins us to talk about Christmas music, dancin', and Bill Cosby's cinematic missteps.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Welcome everybody to episode 42 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and joining me as always is the man that Picasso said was a big influence on him in his blue period. Yep. Dave Shumka.

Thank you. It was when I was in Eiffel 65. Oh, wow. Yeah, look that up. Our guest today is a comedian, a longtime Vancouver resident, now makes his home in Toronto. That's right. And is back here on a wild western run. That's right.

A stalwart of the Canadian comedy scene, very funny man, Dave Tisonis. Hello there out there in podcast land. Welcome to the show. And you've never heard the podcast before. I'm sorry to say this. This is 42, so there's 41 floating out there. I'm not the biggest technological person. But this, for all you know, this isn't even a podcast. This is just our excuse to get close to Dave Tisonis. That's true. Good point. Good point. But I've had enough people talk about it, and I've heard you talk about it on other shows, that it would be quite the elaborate ruse just to get me into Shumka's bedroom.

But not quite as elaborate as the ones he's used in the past. Before the podcast, we discovered that Goodfellas was on TV. Again. It was just starting. So we took a half hour to watch the best half hour of that movie. That's a good movie. And Dave Tisonis wants to be known as Dave Tisonis. What is it?

Tisonis Two Times? Tisonis Two Times, yeah. Tisonis Two Times. There it is. And we also, this isn't confirmed, we couldn't really see, but I think the guy who played Pauly Walnuts in Soprananos is in the movie for like a second he's sitting at a card table and he doesn't have the white streaks in his hair but i never noticed that before and also uh big pussies in it he's in the kitchen for like a second and spider

isn't it right spider plays uh christopher on uh soprano oh yeah Oh, yeah, right, right. Yeah. And, of course, the psychiatrist. Yeah. Dr. Melfi. There's a lot of overlap there. There's eight Italian actors in the biz. That's an industry term. Shall we start with Getting to Know Us?

Yes, please. Get to know us. Getting to know you. Getting to know all about you A lot of people don't know Dave's also a crooner. He does a lot of crooning in his act. He goes from table to table. It's all crooning, actually.

I don't know why they call it crooning. I left my heart in Albuquerque, I think, is how you end up. Nice. This time of year, you do a bit of White Christmas, and then you do Peace on Earth, a little drummer boy. Exactly. I do it at the same time just like Bing and David Bowie did.

It's hard but it can be done. For those of you listening out there, Shumka is not old enough to know that reference so I'm quite impressed. It's well worn. When I once bought an album, it was, I think, a double or triple album of David Bowie singles, and it had literally everything that you could ever...

It had that on it? It had two albums and then just a single of that. Do you remember the video for that? Yeah, of course I do. The preamble to it is really lazy. The little rambling, do you like any of the new stuff? Oh yeah, I listen to some of the new stuff. It's the most awkward conversation.

What about some of the old timers, Bowie? He's like, yeah, I enjoy a few of them. Well, how about this song? Yeah, and then he just points at a thing. He's like, how about this song? And then they start singing it. No, but the old timers that Bowie's into are John Lennon and Harry Nilsson. Yeah, yeah.

I discovered there's this one Christmas song that they play. It's not like a high rotation Christmas song, but it's an Andy Williams Christmas song. Andy Williams? But at one point, it's like he says, It's Christmas time, so whoop-dee-doo and hickory dock. And it's like, oh, it's like old-timey. It's really lazy writing. I know what you're saying.

It sounds awesome. Because he says hickory-doo or dickory dock, and he's like, don't forget to hang up your sock. Oh, my god. Like you could tell he was just like in between cigarettes like what are you yeah yeah

whoop-de-doo Hickory Duck you know. That's hilarious. We're going to have to get take two of that Andy. Andy Williams only does one take.

So what's new with Dave Tassone's what's new with Dave DeSoto? What's going on with you? I know you're on tour. Yeah, on tour in Western Canada, so all over Alberta and BC. I'm going to be here for a weekend and then up in Kelowna next weekend. I was just two weeks in BC. And then Alberta, sorry.

Anything new and exciting going on in your life? Any new developments? No, not really. I mean, it's always just going forward, right? It's always about just every year doing more shows and branching out more. St. John's Newfoundland has opened a club and I'll be there in February, so that's the only province I've never played in. Oh, cool. So now you will have

done... All the ten provinces, yeah. Not the territories yet. Haven't done those, but still all the provinces will be completed. That's pretty cool. That's like a nice little resume piece, right? Yeah. Touching both oceans. That's what you gotta do. That a nice little resume piece, right? Yeah. Touching both oceans, that's what you got to do. That's what you should have on your business card. Touching both oceans. Touch both oceans.

Have like a cartoon character of you with a finger in each ocean. Yeah. Look at my wingspan. Yeah, like Canada's really tiny compared to your comedic reach. That's pretty cool. So as of next year, we'll have played every province. Yeah, as of February, yeah. Some provinces more than others. Yeah, definitely. Definitely. as of February, yeah. Some provinces more than others.

Yeah, definitely. Definitely. That's cool, man. Well, congratulations on that. Thank you. And how's the tour been out here, all right? Good, good, yeah. It's been really, really cool to come in and see everybody,

people I started off with, and then, you know, people who are starting up now. It's always fun to come to a city and see who the new guys are that are rising the ranks. That is fun. Yeah. It can be some weird... I don't even know who the new guys are. Actually, you know what? There's some new guys.

Yeah, I'm sure there are. I just did Darby's and I had never seen him before, but I thought Steve Taddy did a really good job at Darby's there. I don't know if he usually does or not, but that night he had a good job. Yeah, he does fine. He does a good job. And Tom Shaboka did all right, too.

Tom Shaboka. Yes. Japanese individual. Yeah. He is a Japanese individual. Is that right? Yeah. He's not a group of people.

He's just one guy. Yeah. He's not part of the Tom Shabokas. Yeah. Yeah. He's one Tom Shaboka. And then, of course, to see guys who have been around forever. Carter Horty dropped by too. It's always nice to see Carter.

Carter Horty. He's a favorite. He's a general favorite. He is probably him or Richard Letta have been the longest comics here in Vancouver right now. Yeah. He means dick size. Right. No, I got it. Oh, you got it? Yeah. Oh, no. I've got

the documentation to prove it longest comic running um running standing standing um okay what about you dave shumka what's going on with you buddy oh well i had a great week did you really uh you look like it you look relaxed yeah oh yeah except for that tension that you hold in your shoulders and your face. This week, I went to Abby, my girlfriend, her work party, her work Christmas party. She works at a talent agency. Did you embarrass her? No, I did not.

Did you get drunk? Nope. Did you eat too many shrimp? Nope. Nope. I ate as much many shrimp? Nope. Nope? I ate as much as I could, but there wasn't enough. They have people come by. It was at a nice restaurant, but it wasn't a dinner.

Chiantes? People came by with like... Cactus Club. Right. Okay. No. Was it at Cactus Club? No.

When you say nice restaurant, I automatically assume cactus club yeah cactus club or uh possibly a joey's was it uh anyway uh shoot higher shoot higher people came around with uh hors d'oeuvres and they would explain to you them and it would be like it's a miniature grilled cheese sandwich. And those were great. Did they have miniature grilled cheese sandwiches? I think they should miniature everything. I think they should max... What's the opposite of miniature? Maximize? Yeah, maximize.

Supersize. Yeah, supersize. Embiggen. What was so good about... Like, I mean, it's neat. It's a neat idea to make a small grilled cheese sandwich. But then that just makes you want to have a proper grilled cheese sandwich. Yeah.

You were supposed to have eaten before, but I didn't have... Oh, you were supposed to arrive having eaten? Yeah. So it wasn't a dinner? Well, it didn't say dinner would be served. Oh, it just said snacks, yeah. I could fill up on snacks sometimes. Yeah, sure.

Was it a fancy or like a semi-fancy? A semi-formal? It was hip. It wasn't fancy. What was the restaurant? It was called Lift... A semi-formal? It was hip. It wasn't fancy. What was the restaurant? It was called Lift, and it's down in Cold Harbor. Oh, we go to Lift? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know where that is.

No, it's hip. It's Tassona's hip. Exactly. Not Graham Clark hip. No, I don't know shit. This is... I know that I have a friend who worked at a law firm, and last Christmas, at their Christmas He gave you his heart.

Yeah. firm and last Christmas at their Christmas party. He gave you his heart. Yeah. And it was... The party was so swag that there were presents just at the party and you just grabbed one from under the tree. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's an iPod.

Yeah. Like, for real, though. He had a brand new watch. And it was a gorgeous watch. It was like, yeah, you just grabbed a present. Is that where you got your watch? No, this is from a casino that I played. Okay. Oh, nice.

What is it? The Golden Eagle Casino in Saskatchewan. Oh, cool. Yeah. But the thing about this Christmas party is that everyone there was an actor. Yeah. And so it was... Even the waiters.

Am I right? Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. Probably in this town. But they... One of them had their script on them the whole time. Yeah. And so it was... Even the waiters. Am I right? Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. Probably in this town. But they... One of them had their script on them the whole time. Yeah. He's like, it's a sequel to Goodfellas in space.

But it takes place in Vegas. Wait, we've seen that movie. It's called Spacefellas. It's called Air Buddies. It's called Good Astronauts. Remember the old days when they ran out of ideas? It used to be Abbott and Costello meets them. It's called Air Buddies. It's called Good Astronauts. Remember in the old days when they ran out of ideas? Air Buddies. It used to be Abbott and Costello meets them.

Like when they ran out of Frankenstein movies, they just made Abbott and Costello meets Frankenstein. You can't do that anymore. Abbott and Costello meet the Goodfellas. That would be awesome. Mostly because they're dead. That would be awesome. Well, you could have a replacement. Harold and Kumar meet them.

Abbott and Costello meet their demise. Harold and Kumar meet the Goodfellas. Yeah. See? It writes itself. That's correct. Or Harold and Kumar meet the Harlem Globetrotters see? It writes itself, that script. Or Harold and Kumar meet the Harlem Globetrotters.

The Harlem Globetrotters, nice one, see? You know, there's somebody in Hollywood right now writing this down. Yeah. And we're going to be screaming.

And his name is Kumar. He's like, that is good. So folks, if you hear these movies happening, remember where you heard it first. So yeah, so you hear these movies happening, remember where you heard it first!

So yeah, there was all these actors. Were they acting? They were very actor-y. It gets to be a bit much. We were doing a drinking game to see... Who could drink the most? Well, we didn't end up drinking. What kind of drinking game is this? It was one where I had to drive,

and I didn't want to be at the party for more than an hour. So it was mostly pointing stuff out. Abby didn't partake. But it was me being like, let's see how many people whip out their iPhone, or how many guys show up in blazers with a silkscreen design on them. That's a big, yeah. The iPhone, that's becoming like a silk screen design on them oh that's a big yeah that's you could

the iphone that's becoming like a thing right uh you know what i mean like a symbol well no but it's like okay like a status symbol to me is uh something that only one dude that you know has right whereas like almost everybody i know could have an iphone right if they if they don't have if they want like if if i wanted one i could go and buy an iphone right if they wanted they don't have if they want like if if i wanted one i could go and buy an iphone it's not like you know like a status symbol you've got like a segway right right like if i saw a guy at a party on a segway i'd be like fucking check him out right he's got the most status in the room yeah top status yeah but uh you know an iphone but do you think people are still treating them as if they're

i think so they're prestige they're new enough in canada i think though and but but there's a lot of people who are like oh yeah this oh yeah i've had this for months but what is pulling it out and like hey like as kind of like what do you do with it once you pull it out i'm bored i'm gonna play with an app yeah i'm gonna play video games on it. That's... Is that... I mean... Okay. It's really annoying.

You're going to start seeing it during the shows as soon as they get popular. You're going to see people like... That's already happening. Because people have stopped... Text messaging. Yeah, text messaging. People have stopped on the phone. Like, any idiot knows, like, oh, shit, I shouldn't be on the phone.

But text messaging is just becoming more and more rampant right now at the comedy shows. It's really annoying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, no, it's just in general. But I don't know, iphone is that it just strikes me because i've seen that i've seen people whip it out or they're playing with it and whip it out dave and play with it and play with it wow um that would be a funny name for like an album like a like an old comedy album the cover is it's called whip it out and play with it and there's a big driven iphone yeah an album like a like an old comedy album the cover is it's called whip it out and play with it and there's a picture of an iphone yeah it's like a guy whip it out his iphone yeah

he's playing an app on it yeah that's pretty funny it sounds like like maybe someone's uh a signature bit and and so they would name their whole album yeah whip it out play with it yeah um so you you went did you get it were there any parting gifts? No, I didn't Were there any entering gifts? I didn't stick around long No, there was an entering It was unlimited champagne for everyone There you go

But drinks from the bar you had to pay for Oh, that's weird That's a lot of champagne Yeah Because champagne doesn't really get you drunk very fast Unless you're a girl and it goes straight to your head Yeah, no, champagne can do the trick It's the same as wine, same percentage as wine get your drug very fast unless you're a girl and it goes straight to your head yeah no champagne can do the trick it's same as wine same percentage as wine so a full bottle of that would uh get you

giddy yeah yeah two bottles but you would drive and abby doesn't really drink oh yeah i had one glass and that was so that's i don't know merry christmas i guess i guess i uh i didn't stick around long enough it seemed like it would devolve into dancing. Yeah, or karaoke. Was there a thread of karaoke anywhere in the air? It was too classy of a place. No, no, no, but you know, there's always somebody at the party who'd be like, Let's go to karaoke!

We all have voice training. Now we're going, well, I don't know, we're supposed to be interviewing me here, but let's talk about how... No, it's not an interview. This is not in the actor's studio but why would it be

devolving if it goes into dancing I can see devolving going into karaoke like everyone knows karaoke is cheesy but I mean you know if people like to dance

why is it devolving into dancing you feel like the dance is the natural evolution it's evolving it's the natural evolution of the party I'd say so yeah

I'd say you know I don't do it either don't get me wrong I'm not a big dancing guy either but i don't know why you would say it's devolving into dancing you're not a big dance guy then why does your business card say dave tassone is dancing it's strictly square dancing oh okay um yeah no no let's get to this yeah why would it be devolving into dancing? I mean, I think that's when I leave a party Is when dancing starts? Yeah, I don't want to be there

Do you not dance at all? No, never Not for fun But for profit Or for punishment When your grandma makes you at the wedding Or when a bunch of desperados shoot at your feet For profit. Or for punishment. Yeah. When your grandma makes you at the wedding. Or when a bunch of desperados shoot at your feet.

Yeah. I miss those days. That's unfortunate. Not many desperados out there anymore. Dancing's fun. They came to their senses. I would never go out of my way to go dancing, I don't think. You know what I miss?

I miss like when... But if dancing just happens, I'll start dancing. I'm in. I miss it when there was a song that would play and you would have to do a specific dance to. The twist would play so everyone would do the twist. Or even go further back to the jitterbug or the ballroom dancing and you actually had to learn that dance

and when that song played, that's what you danced. And if you didn't dance it, you were shot. I know, yeah. I miss that kind of dancing. The chicken dance? Did you ever take any of that kind of dancing? No, I didn't. I didn't dance it. You were shocked. I know, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, I miss that kind of dancing. The chicken dance? Yeah. Did you ever take any of that kind of dancing? No, I didn't. I didn't.

I didn't at all. You miss the idea of it more than actually doing it. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I'll do the twist if it plays, but it doesn't play very often. Yeah. You guys did square dancing in school? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yes, everyone had to do square dancing. Social dancing, they called it. Yeah, that's right. But it was never... See, another one, too. Country still keeps it alive, I guess. Do stepping, right? Yeah, yeah they do and line dancing but i uh yeah i never learned i think they tried to teach us line dancing in like uh in like grade nine yeah i don't know we never did that

i'm too cool for this but see in calgary people actually do line dance yeah they're having fun yeah like they actually go out and do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm sure once you get five minutes out of Vancouver, they do that. And by five minutes, I mean about 20. Yeah, it's true. I'm sure they're dancing in Chilliwack right now as we speak.

Where's Rooster? Just early in the day. Yeah, just early. They're practicing. Saturday, right? They get up early and start rehearsing in their own family. Like a boot scooting boogie

or something like that? An icky breaky shuffle. Yep. Et cetera, et cetera. The icky shuffle. The icky shuffle? You know what was probably the last song you were

supposed to do a dance to that was really popular was Macarena. Well, there's been, there was another song post that, the Superman. The Soldier Boy? Soldier Boy, Superman had a post that. The Superman. The Soldier Boy?

Soldier Boy. Superman had a dance that went with it. Chicken noodle soup. Chicken noodle soup. And a soda on the side. There was a dance to that. What was the dance? If anybody out there knows what Shumka's talking about,

could you please email us? Chicken noodle soup. And a soda on the side. Macarena was the last one that your parents knew. Yeah. Would you please email us? Tyra. Chicken noodle soup? Because he's losing us. Macarena was the last one that your parents knew they would do at a dance or a wedding. Yeah, maybe. Oh, and a time warp? Oh, that's pretty old, though, but still. Time warp.

I don't really know it. I just know when they tell you to do a step to the left. See, that's the thing in this. Soulja Boy, there's no actual instructions in the song of how to do the dance, which kind of is essential. Although the Macarena didn't have any explanation. No, no, no.

Yeah, it sure did. Hana, Hana, Hana, Hana, Hana Macarena. Oh, yeah, right. A, Macarena. A, Macarena? A, right. B, not Macarena. C, all of the above.

Like, I want to go out and do the mashed potato. I want to go out and do that. Do. I want to go out and do that. Do it. No one's stopping you. Everybody's stopping me, okay? There's people on the streets that are stopping me. I start doing the swim and everybody, hey, hey, hey, what's going on over there? Well, you can't do it on the streets.

You got to wait until the swim-style song comes on. You can do the bat, the bat-toosie. The bat-toosie, that's right. It's your world. I miss those days. I was born in the wrong era, what can I say? Yeah. What would you be wearing if you lived in that era?

Pure fedora and zoot suits. Nice. Pure fedora. Nobody stopped me from wearing a zoot suit either. That's true. For years, for years, you could be the zoot suit comic. Now I fucked it up. That's true. For years, for years, you could be the Zoot Suit comic. And now I fucked it up. Yeah, you fucked it up. It's not too late.

No. They eat that up in St. John's Doofenland. Sean Bradlove and I always said that Dave should wear a top hat on stage, but he never. Top hat and cape, we thought would be a good look for him. For some reason, he always thought I should be a magician with my name. Yeah. I don't know, but I remember at one point him really saying, like, imagine you

with a velvet, like a nice velvet top hat and like a magician's cape. And I liked it. I liked it a lot. Like the evil magician in Frosty the Snowman. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dave wouldn't be an evil magician. I don't think he'd be a magician. It would just be a look. Yeah. He might look.

He would be a magician in as much as the crow is a mime. Well, Graham. Yeah? Hey, what's going on with you? That's right. We never got to Graham on this.

Not too much. I was working all week. And then yesterday was my first day off in many, many weeks. I was out of town for a month, and then I came back, and I was working for two weeks straight on a TV pilot. And then yesterday was my first day off. So I was like, I was going to go out and rent a movie and just relax. But it was snowing and slushing yesterday, so I didn't want to leave the house. So then I was flipping through TV, and I watched Ghost Dad.

Right. Oh my God, I saw that. And I watched it start to finish. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I haven't done since I was a kid and it first came out on video.

Wow. There is a tribute. We're going to cut you off just for a second. No, I'm going to say a tribute. Directed by Sidney Poitier. Oh yeah, they're good buddies. They did some old movies

together in the 70s. It blew me away that Sidney Poitier... That doesn't surprise me. That doesn't surprise... No. If you watched the movie again, it would surprise you. You'd be like, how did Sidney Poitier do this?

If I didn't know that they were buddies back in the 70s, because they did a couple movies together where they were like... Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can look it up right here online. I forget the name of them, but one of them was like... I'm not going to do that. It's me who refuses.

One of them was like, they go to this gambling house and they win a lot of money and they have to explain to their wives and their wives didn't want them gambling it was almost like a Fred Flintstone episode

it was a whole movie was it a casino or a gambling house no it was like a legal gambling house that's why they couldn't justify the money huh

and it was like was it a comedy yeah it was a comedy Sidney Poitier was Ghost Dad a comedy or was it supposed to be scary I don't know. Wasn't Ghost Dad the prequel to Leonard Part 6?

No, that was going to be my Trivial Pursuit question. His actual Trivial Pursuit question was, what movie was so bad that Bill Cosby bought the rights to so it would never be in theaters? So it pulled from theaters. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was Leonard Part 6. Yeah, Leonard Part 6.

And I was thinking, fuck, Ghost Dad or Leonard Part 6. I could not decide which one it would be pulled from theaters yeah yeah he yeah it was leonard part six leonard part six yeah and i was thinking fuck ghost dad or leonard part six i could not decide which one it would be because they're both horrible i remember when i was a kid but i i saw an ad you had a ghost dad i saw an ad for uh a trailer for leonard part six and i remember thinking it looked hilarious and i also remember thinking why haven't i heard of the first five Leonards? Yeah, that's right. And that was Dave Shumka's first written joke. I like it. It used to really come very far.

Have you seen Ghost Dad? I haven't seen Ghost Dad. Ever? No. Of course I've seen Ghost Dad. You've seen it once. No. Never.

Well, let me break it once. Of course I've seen Ghost Dad, yeah. You've seen it once. No. Yeah. Never. Well, let me break it down. For anybody that's listening that has seen Ghost Dad, congratulations. If you haven't, you had the opportunity, actually, Dave, yesterday. I wrote you a text message stating that Ghost Dad was on TV. Yeah. Look, Ghost Dad is a movie in which Bill Cosby dies, comes back. Hilarious. Here's the thing. He comes

back instantly. He comes back and he goes to his family's house. The Huxtables? They're like the Huxtables, only the mother's dead. And there's just three of them. So both the parents are dead? Yeah, the mother, he's a widower.

And then he becomes a widow? Then he becomes the widow-ist hobo? He becomes the widow-ist. That's true, eh? What does he become if he was always a widower? But anyways, go on. So he dies, and then he comes back as a ghost. He becomes a corpse.

No, incorrect. He becomes Ghost Dad. He goes back, and they can see him, but only when the lights are turned down. That's the only time you can see Ghost Dad. And they can't hear him. He can't communicate through speech. So he does charades. But they go from they turn on the light.

He vanishes. They turn it off. He reappears. And then he starts playing charades with them. And right away, his kids start playing charades. They're over the shock of him being a disappearing, reappearing entity. I forgot about that. And then they solve the charades like they're over the shock of him being a disappearing reappearing and then they solve the the charades thing they're like i am a ghost and then they all start cheering like they're really excited that they got the answer and then there's this crazy big moment

where it hangs and then they all go oh wait a minute he's a ghost that's what he was trying to tell us by disappearing and reappearing anywho so in the second half of the movie he fights for custody from their foster parents he actually has to do it's pretend he's really alive yeah he has to like have a business meeting because he doesn't have any life insurance yeah so he has to go to the doctor as a ghost turn out all the lights yeah and then do a physical so he's got laryngitis so he can't talk no yeah and then the doctor like puts the stethoscope on him and then he well yeah like and then he's got like a some like a drum on tape cassette or something like that like boom

it's all very funny hilarious but then i went online and i looked up a review and they have a youtube review of a siskel and ebert when they were reviewing it oh nice and ebert is so mad he barely gets through the review he's so angry at the movie and then at one point he goes well for my money it's the worst movie of this year or last or the past six. Oh, lordy. So that's what's been going on with you. It's been my life. It's a pretty good day, if you ask me. Ghost dad, then I went out to Abbotsford and did a show at a bowling alley.

What more can you ask? A bowling alley? Were they bowling at the time? Yeah. It was a bowling alley and pool hall. Okay. And then there's like a room off to the side and that's where the comedy was that's crazy that's better yeah all right do you

want to move on to some overheards yes overheard okay so uh while we paused we looked up the uh sydney poitier uh bill cosby ventures there were a couple but uh the one that mr tessonis was describing was uptown saturday night from 1974 fine film featuring bill cosby with like a quite an exhilarating beard yeah i'm exhilarated and like quite like a pimp suit like a straight up like red piping pink and white that's when they won their money that's when they're wondering what they went out and pimped out all their clothes. That's awesome.

Was he a bad actor in that too? No, no, no. He was so bad in Ghost Dad. Yeah, you're right. He was. It's so funny how a guy could have several successful TV shows like that and just could never make a really popular movie. But the thing about...

That's pretty much what Ebert said. To the letter. Except angrier. Now do it angrier. Okay. movie um but the thing about that's pretty much what ebert said yeah it's like to the to the letter yeah it's amazing except angrier now do it angrier now okay and uh he's lots of stuff but he's in but uptown saturday night it was it's pretty racy for bill cosby but i mean it's not a racy film by any by any means of course and uh here's the thing when you look up Bill Cosby on IMDb, you know how when you look up an actor, it'll come up with one of their credits? It says, Bill Cosby, actor, Leonard Part 6. Wow.

That's true. It's hilarious. And you were saying it was kind of like a blaxploitation movie? Yeah, it's these two blue-collar guys who go out on Saturday night, and they lie to their wives where they're really going. And it's kind of a gambling house slash cat house. So that's why they – oh, no, no. There's something about a lottery ticket now that I remember, too. They win a lot of money, but they had a lottery ticket.

Dave, can you read this synopsis? Yeah, really. Dave keeps making up new plot points. No, there's a magic ticket. There's a magic ticket. Yeah, that's right. They've got to get back in. It's a bit of a cat house, too.

All right. Steve Jackson and Wardell Franklin sneak out of their houses to visit Madame Zenobia's. I got that part right. A high-class but illegal nightclub. During their visit, however, the place is robbed, and they are forced to hand over their wallets. Oh, that's right. Steve, shut up up you've never seen this steve's wallet turns out to have contained a winning lottery ticket and together they must

recover their stolen property yes and they can't tell their wives because they were shouldn't have been at that house that's the part right it's actually an episode of perfect strangers yeah and there's like three others too that they did together way back in the early 70s i think but i believe we're talking about overheards oh that's right oh wow yeah the cat has become the cradle yeah um well i overheard this movie called uptown saturday night the other time well. Well, we always like to start with the guest. You say you have an overheard. You had one

in your back pocket and you didn't even know it. Yeah, exactly. Well, I have a few now that I think about it, but this was probably the best one. I used to... Feel free to throw out more than one. If you feel you got a couple that are diamonds in the rough, by all means. I used to be a waiter and bartender for years,

years and years and years here in Vancouver. And Sunday brunch is extremely popular in Vancouver. In fact, you realize how popular it is when you go to another city and you say, let's go for Sunday brunch, and they all look at you weird, like, what's that? They just go for, like, Easter and Mother's Day. And every restaurant that serves it is packed in this damn city, no matter how good the restaurant is.

So you'd always find out who were couples who hooked up the night before. That was our game that we played, but a conversation, you know what I mean? When you're out with a girl and you ask her if she eats meat or not, that's not a girl you've been dating with for a long time. Right, yeah, exactly. You know what I mean? So the best one that I ever saw was these two totally mismatched guys she looked like quite an intelligent woman and he looked like just like a jock who probably blew his knee out in high school and never made it big and works at a sporting goods store he didn't even look like

he had like a lot of money and she was quite a classy lady so it was a really bizarre a classy lady hook up you know what i mean it was a really like and you're just like i wonder and she was quite a classy lady so it was a really bizarre a classy lady hook up you know what i mean it was a really like and you're just like i wonder what she was classy but illegal yeah maybe maybe who brings a hooker to brunch but anyway certain elegance yeah maybe that's part of her deal so at the restaurant i had to work uh i worked at they had a picasso knee and uh if you know what i mean blew out her knee am i right one right? One of those reprints of a Picasso painting Are you sure it was an original? I'm pretty sure, I never knew

And They're looking at it, it's right at their table And she's like, oh this is I'm right at the table filling their coffees or something I had to hold back the laughter And she goes, oh this is Picasso I think he was an impressionist And the guy just looks up and. I think he was an impressionist. And the guy just looks up at no where and goes, I think he was a painter.

And I just had to walk away. Rich Little, he's an impressionist. Frank Caliendo, he's an impressionist. Yeah, that's really funny. Wait, is Frank Caliendo a painter? No, he's an impressionist. Yeah, that's really funny. Wait, is Frank Caliendo a painter? No, he's an impressionist. Okay. So there's no way that those guys were going out for a long time.

He was into Dadaism and whatnot. That's the one that's held up the most. But you don't want to say the wrong thing to your breakfast waiter, folks. If you learn one thing from this podcast, they're always listening. Yeah, of course. Well, everybody's always listening. Especially if you learn one thing from this podcast they're always listening yeah of course well everybody's always listening especially if you talk really loud you know um dave do you got uh you want to throw in the park yeah this is um i was walking uh on main street uh walking on main street yeah with my feet 10 feet off of beale a A Mark Cohn reference. Mark Cohn.

C-O-H-N. I believe it's pronounced C-O-H-N. Not to be confused with Cohn from Sum 41. Right. Different Cohn. Okay. I know who you're talking about. The bass player.

Anyway. Bass Cohn. We were, I was by myself walking and I walked past the liquor store and there were a bunch of uh lowlifes lowlives deadbeats deadbeats dirtbags rummies rummies standing outside and you could tell that they were dirtbags because there was like a a little goal crease full of spit because they were just spitting up a storm. Now, can we sidetrack just for one second? This was here in town?

Yep. Do you find, Dave, in Toronto, do you find people spit quite as much as they do here in Vancouver? Oh, jeez, I wouldn't have noticed that. No, okay. I'm just wondering. That's kind of a thing I have in the back of my head. People spit a lot here. Calgary was really big on spitting.

Vancouver's really big on spitting. I'll notice it now. Toronto, I don't really recall it. Don't recall it from Montreal. Edmonton, big on spitting again. Just keep it in the back of your mind, people. You've got to see it's big on spitting. And also, just keep it in your mouth. No one wants to see that.

Keep that shit in your mouth. That'll be for my podcast, too. We'll discuss that. Podcast mocked, too. or carry around a little can and spit into that there you go that's a classy way to do it yeah yeah a spittoon i think it keeps your hands warm uh so uh yeah these dudes uh were standing outside a liquor store spitting up a storm and there was a pretty lady about to cross the street and she was she was on their corner and as she crossed far away from them uh one of them started singing a song he sang the first line and she heard it the second line he he sang a little bit quieter so she wouldn't hear it and he saying, they say it's your birthday.

I want to fuck you. So that she wouldn't hear the second part? Yeah. He sounds classy as well. Yeah. That dirt bag. What a classy dirt bag. But I think it was probably in honor of the 40th anniversary of the White Album. Is that what it was?

Yeah, probably. It was nice. There you go. It was ahead of its time. I don't have one for myself, but I do have some very funny ones that listeners have sent in. One of them is from a lady named Christina Van H. Are you Greek-ing her name? Yep.

Let me just I was walking towards my bus And there was a 30-something year old guy Walking towards me And he looked like the sort of guy that doesn't have the most luck with the ladies And he was on his cell phone And all I heard was him saying Look, will you go out with me now or not? What?

Why? Because you're sober now? That's the worst excuse I have ever heard. That's awesome. That was a very funny one from Christina. I love hearing one half of a phone conversation. They are some of the best overheards. This is my favorite one of the week.

It's from Brad C from Ontario. He was at a grocery store and a man with his two-year-old son were walking in the aisle beside me. The man would ask, do you want tretties or Cheerios? And the boy would pick one. Waffles or Pop-Tarts? Granola bars or fruit roll-ups and so on. It seemed to be

their little game. The little boy couldn't pronounce all the words, but he seemed to have an answer to all the questions. Then they went around the corner, and not two minutes later, all the kindness is gone, and is gone out of the father's voice, and I hear him yell this. They don't make banana juice. No, there is

no such thing. There's no such thing as banana juice. No, you're getting fruit punch. I'm glad that was funny. I didn't deliver it that well. The irony is we all know there is such thing as banana juice. Is there? Yeah. You can get a straight up banana juice?

Well, I think you could ground up banana enough to make it into juice, couldn't you? It's often used. Are you a pioneer? They often mix it with strawberry and or pineapple. You wouldn't just get a carton of banana juice, would you? No, I don't think so. Not in 2008. Not post-Obama. You wouldn't go out and get a carton of banana juice, would you? No, I don't think so. Not in 2008. Not post-Obama.

You wouldn't go out and get a carton of banana juice. Why don't you type that into Google? I think that's it. I think that's all I got for overheards. I don't have one this week. I have one. I wrote it down in my notebook. I didn't bring my notebook with me, so I don't remember what it was.

You better get one for next time. Oh, okay. Sorry. Do you want to move on? You know how like in radio, they always have those like one guy

who presses a button and gives a sound? I could just be that person. Don't! What you talking about, Graham? Oh, you want to be like the...

You'd be like, oops. Flush. Yeah, exactly. I could just be that guy. Like where the morning crew, BJ and the Boner or whatever? Yeah, exactly, yeah. BJ and the Boner.

What you talking about, Willis? Yeah. Eat my shorts. Radios come a long way. Shall we move on to something more appealing? I want to address, there's some really good pranks. We've had kind of an ongoing thing. What?

What? If you fart in your mother's mixing bowl or you steal your girlfriend's birth control, it's hilarious pranks. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Hilarious pranks. We've been having an ongoing thing that was like a pranks. You know, like,

if you have an idea for a prank, either an awesome prank that happened to you or an idea for a prank but you too like chicken or like it would actually cause somebody harm. But it's like still a really good idea for a prank. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I just put it out there. And here's one that I did when I was in high school. And it's not really a prank. It's just a thing that we did that we thought would be really funny is we got, like, a fake Christmas tree at a yard sale in, like, kind of in August.

And we kept it because I had an idea in the back of my head that I was going to just set it up in some weird place, like a full Christmas tree with presents, just as, like, an odd thing to do. And we decided to set it up in a shell bathroom. Like, we got the bathroom key, and then you go outside and you go to the bathroom we set up a full christmas tree with presents and everything like tinsel and the whole nine yards in the bathroom like it was me and eight friends so it only took us like 10 15 minutes something like that it's not really a prank but it's kind of like a nice thing to do kill some time in the afternoon when you're not doing uh crack cocaine and stuff like that you understand uh here's uh one that i uh oh you have one no i i don't have one personally but uh i'm remembering while i was zoning out while you were telling your

story oh wow come on dave what kind that's not that is uncouth of you uh well uh i mean i expect you to be partially couth uh i'm usually 70 to 80 percent couth. There I was maybe 10%. I think he was not couth at all. What do you think, David? I want to hear what his big mind had. Yeah, me too. My friends went to UBC and

one of them lived in Vanier, was a residence there. It was called Place Vanier and everything in that region was PV like everything started with PV so it was like the PV whatever and so they started putting up signs for the PV ACM elections okay and they like put up people put up posters and people were campaigning and but no they never there was no such thing as the PV ACM and they set an election date and people showed up and voted and they later revealed

that PV ACM stood for the Plas Vanier Association of compulsive masturbators oh wow people showed up and voted. Yeah. Nice. That's pretty good. That was a full-on prank. It wasn't an actual... Or was it an actual group?

No, no. It was a full-on prank. Nice. They never got funding, if that's what you're asking. Okay, here's one. This is from somebody who identifies himself as christian slater fan number 28961 so now let's hear that number again after christian slater fan 28961 wow so you joined the fan club real early yeah when there was that first rush i can't believe christian slater fan number

one through ten were already taken now i love this this is uh i love this because this is exactly the type of prank that a kid would play uh and also have nothing to do with kitten play um wow this is this is these two kids my brother uh my brother started okay i'll start with one of my brother's pranks that he played on me hopefully this isn't way too long it's a little long but it's worth it and it does it does pay off uh my brother started by sewing a small bag with the initials rh on the bag standing for robin. He then filled the bag with small plastic jewels from our dining room's crappy chandelier. I had one of those in my youth as well, which looked real enough to fool a kid

into thinking they were somewhat valuable. He then buried them in our backyard and placed a dog treat on top so that our dog Toby would find the treat, and thus the bag. As we played together in the location set up by my brother, my dog came across this smelly treat and started digging. I was always fascinated when my dog started randomly digging the yard so i ran over and saw the jewel bag being dug up meanwhile toby ran away to consume his treat i yelled at my

brother toby had found something i noticed the rh on the bag and being that our favorite film at the time was kevin costner's robin hood prince of thieves right knew who the bag belonged to my brother let me tell him about all the things we would do now that we were rich. Roller coaster and backyard, suite in Disneyland, etc. Nice. Roller coaster and backyard. Before telling me the truth.

I picture they still have the same backyard, though. As like, you know, a small backyard with just this huge roller coaster. Yeah, of course. They're not getting a new house. Come on, you're not that rich. They're not going to take the money. They're not going to invest in a new property.

They're just going to build a roller coaster. They're going to get the zoning permits. They're going to get enough signatures in the neighborhood to have a roller coaster in their backyard. Maybe if they got a little money left over, a water slide. That's awesome. underground tunnel to McDonald's pops up so I can get a cheeseburger

whatever we pulled the exact same prank on my 10 year old neighbor the next day but it backfired because he immediately tried to steal the jewels and keep them for himself I need those for my chandelier he just ran off he's like jewels I I need those for my chandelier. He just ran off. He's like, Jules, I will save this for my college fund.

He didn't have the same kind of cut loose attitude. So that's from Christian Slater fan. Here's another one that I liked. It is from somebody named Miles in Denver, Colorado. Wait. Did you guys like that Robin Hood movie? No. Prince of Thieves?

Prince of Thieves, no. Yeah, I mean, I was a youth when it came out. I have two memories of that movie. One, it's the only time I've not been allowed into a movie because I went with, hopefully hopefully next week's guest and uh i we showed up and they were like oh you guys are too young and it was just we didn't even argue for it i didn't know what the movie was rated it was just the two of us didn't fight for it at all yeah we were maybe funny because you know the only nudity there is kevin costner's butt yeah that's the

only thing they wouldn't let you see there There was probably violence. We were in grade 6, so maybe it was PG or PG-13. There's no swearing. But we... I remember, oh, I was so sad. The whole walk home. And the other memory was that Brian Adams song.

Yeah, of course. That was huge. That was the big slow dance number. The thing I remember about that movie in particular was everybody had a British accent, because it takes place in Britain. Right. Except Kevin Costner, who decided to go with the American accent, which is now being mirrored by Tom Cruise's role in Valkyrie.

Oh, that's right. Yeah. Because he did a German accent in the test screening. Everybody couldn't stop laughing, and they kept missing chunks of dialogue. Actually, Kevin Costner has a touch of an accent. He's not speaking fully American, but it's terrible. I think Christian Slater doesn't have one either.

Wait, what are you, Christian Slater fan number 30,000? 2,192. I just beat out the guy who wrote it. I don't think Christian Slater does, and Morgan Freeman's not supposed to be British. No, he's... He's Egyptian, I think.

Yeah. He's only in the first... Is he in the first part or is he in it throughout? He's in the whole movie. Oh, yeah, yeah, the whole part. I always get it confused with Mel Gibson's Hamlet. And Mel Brooks' Prince of Thieves. That's what I meant.

The old Robin Hood movie with Errol Flynn is great. I haven't seen it. Hey, you know what sucks? Movies before 1989. Like Uptown Saturday Night. Case in point. So Miles from Denver, Colorado. I went to college on a very friendly trusting campus and most people

would leave their doors to their rooms unlocked uh see that could start a really really terrible horrifying story i like that it was a trusting campus yeah late one night two guys snuck into no less than a dozen bedrooms on campus including my own they quickly hooked up and plugged in a guitar amp turned it up as loud as it would go and played the top gun anthem while sleeping victims were still trying to figure out what the hell was going on the mystery shredder and his stealth roadie would grab the equipment and escape they were never identified that's a good anthem too is that highway to the danger zone is that it's the... Oh, that's it?

That's what they were shredding on guitar? I thought it would be like Highway to the Danger Zone. We need clarification. Clarification, please. Kenny Loggins? I think Kenny Loggins wrote them both. Kenny Rogers, did he have any involvement in the Tom Hiddleston franchise?

No, he's the one with the gambler. That's the one. Yeah. Rogers. Did he have any involvement in the Tom Cullen franchise? No, just the movie The Gambler. That's the one. It's rare to write a song and a whole movie get written around it. That's hard to do. Was there a gambler? The song was first, yeah. The gambler was made for TV. There were several of them. You're saying the song was first and somebody

said, let's turn that into a movie? That's fucking recognist. Have you seen Across the Universe? That's right's right well that's several songs at least yeah at least that's a thing but like there's nothing in the gambler where they're like that's a good character yeah he knows when to fall yeah well i guess there is kind of a story he's talking to on the train about my last cigarette yeah that's me for a drink come on no one knows the words to that what why do i feel like i'm like 80 years old talking to my grandchildren yeah i just saw the looks on their faces out there in radio land when i mentioned errol flynn and also the fact that you're using the expression radio land radio you know errol

flynn stacks and stacks of hot hot wax, dude. Errol Flynn died in Vancouver. That's right. Which is now called Balthazar's. It's no longer called Balthazar's. Now it's called Maxine's Hideaway. Oh, Maxine's Hideaway. That's more appropriate.

Maxine's Hideaway. It's in that very building. Or at least that corner. That's the answer we were looking for. Maxine's Hideaway. Any more prank messages? Yeah, there's two from Alex Campbell. That's Abby's brother.

That's Abby's brother. Is he his own person, or is he a kept man? He's a kept man, I think. Nice. Good for him. I used to live in a house with hardwood floors for a period of about two weeks. Every night after my roommate, Evan, went to sleep, I would polish the floor right in front of his door when he went to shower in his bare feet he wouldn't slip but when he put on his socks he would wipe out every time especially funny when he had coffee that is

really funny like that's a lot of effort to go through you wait until your roommate's asleep he waxed the floor just in front of his door just to see him wipe out that's what and then this is a now he says the time i farted on welsh dave sandwich is that you no no no there was a welsh dave is that his name isn't welsh dave as david tisonis can probably uh uh testify to uh there's a lot of daves in this world and so you need to specify yeah some of them you get uh get Corvette Dave because he drives a Corvette. Because I would always just call you Tisonis. Yeah. I call by my last name a lot, too, because of the same reason.

I think I always call you Shumka, too. Yeah. Probably. It's an easier way to identify us. Oh, yeah. But, yeah, you also get Big Dave, Little Dave, Asian Dave. So, Welsh Dave. Yeah.

It just says it wasn't premeditated at all. He asked me to hold his sandwich while I ran to his house to grab something. I had to fart, didn't think twice, and just let it fart right have an honest pb and j7 i would never that would never cross my mind that is terrible i know to fart on somebody's sandwich i have no anybody's meal yeah i have very i have no if someone farts in my car they're out huh not even a prank yeah no it's not i I mean, if I saw somebody do it, I guarantee you I would laugh my ass off until I was crying. Like, there's no way that I wouldn't find that hilarious. But the actuality of it, outside of that, outside of being there, it seems like a horrible thing to do.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if I was there, I would have high-fived him until his hands were sore. So, you know, am I the hypocrite no you know you you weren't there no i wasn't there you had to be there right dave exactly dave uh dave to my right dave to my left so thank you very much for sending in the pranks i've been enjoying them and uh if you if there are any more if anybody thinks of any or hears of any or reads about any send them in to uh stop podcasting yourself at gmail.com and uh where do you want to go next well uh it's it's this holiday season of giving so what they do and hickory dog

sticks in your head that tune yeah are you andy williams andy williams are you the ghost of andy williams i turned on all the lights it is really dark in here you know i've never seen i've never seen leonard part six though i've never seen that movie no nor have i graham i'm just certain has i yeah i've seen it but i saw it years and years ago probably in the same weekend I watched Ghost Death. The old Bill Cosby marathon. We should have a Bill Cosby movie fest. We'll work on it. What's he done for me lately? The only thing I remember him being in lately is Jack.

With Robin Williams. He was in that? Yeah, he played his doctor. Wow. He was also in Meteor, man. I think he probably played himself. No, he played his doctor. He played himself.

Dr. Bill Cosby. Why won't people believe me when the internet is right in front of us to check these things? He's a meteor man. Oh, Meteor Man with Robert Townsend. That's right. Ain't nobody better. Wasn't Meteor Man the poor man's Pluto Nash? He was the rich man's...

Damn it! I was going to say the woman that had Damon Wayans in it. Or he was a superhero. Oh, yeah. It was a rich man's blank man. Yes, I made it. Okay, so it's this holiday season, so Hickory Duck. Graham and I are doing Secret Santas.

So, let's see. So, I've put both of our names in a hat. And I hope we get the right name. Okay, here we go. Who else's name is in there? Oh, it's just the two of you? Oh, man. I got Graham.

I put it back. Oh, shit. I don't know what to buy that guy. I'm going to buy him new underwears. Hey, I've got Dave. Stuart, that's Secret Santa's. Oh, shit. Redraw.

Okay, redraw. All right. I'm not going to say who it is individual i'm keeping mine in my pocket um should we establish some kind of spending limit yeah what do you think uh keeping in mind that there is a downturn in the economy and most of my stocks were in the big three okay so maybe fifty thousand dollars fifty thousand dollars nothing traceable.

Yeah, and no human trafficking. You know what's bizarre is that someone just asked me, like, has the economy affected stand-up? And the weirdest thing is the only thing that's affected is that gas prices have gone down. Yeah, so all your gas price jokes are out. We drive somewhere, it's actually cheaper. But it hasn't, I've heard that there hasn't been as much corporate work this year. I don't, it's so hard to say. I don't know, I find it very

easy to say from my angle. There's more for me, but I don't know what it is for everybody else, and also Because I know some people that it has gone down for. Yeah, but In the theater? Without getting too Without getting too into politics,

it all depends on who your manager is right now in Western Canada, right? Yes, let's not get into politics. Yeah, because that has fallen apart. So that could have affected it as well, right? And also the Secret Santa thing, I believe, is affecting it as well. It's really dragging down the economy. So what's the spending limit? What do you feel comfortable with?

You say, and I'll say if I'm as comfortable. Why don't we get the Price is Right yodeling guy to climb the thing? 20? 20? 20 would be perfect for that.

30? 30 good? 30's good. Are you in for 30? I'm only going to spend 5. You're only going to spend 5? Yeah,? 30's good. 30's good? Are you in for 30? Yeah, I'm only going to spend five. You're only spending five? Yeah, but it's under the limit. Closest without going over. Yeah, then whoever, yeah.

The password is 30. It's after 29! It's after 29! So next week's episode, we're unwrapping this. Next week is the last pre-Santa episode. Oh, shit. Okay. No, wait.

Next week is the pre-last. Next week I have to have the present here? Yeah. Oh, shit. That's not... That's not going to give me a lot of time. I love how you have a week to buy a $30 gift and you're like, I don't think I can do it. Go to House of Knives.

Dave, you don't know me that well. I do. Oh, you know what? There's a place right up near my house, and it's like a House of Knives, and they sell also... Oh, that's a great place. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They've got all sorts of weird collectibles in it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they have in display right now one of the masks from Lord of the Rings. It's made out of metal. It's got all spikes on it. What the fuck would you use that for? I don't know. They've got lots of stuff. They've got Sting there. You could buy the replica of Sting from Lord of the Rings. The man, the singer. Or the wrestler.

The wrestler. Wow! I think that makes me the nerd oddly enough. Yeah, for picking Lord of the Rings. Yeah, for having the Lord of the Rings reference. No, it's the Hobbit's sword. I think it makes me the gayest in the group. That glows when ogres are around, right?

You mean world musician Sting? Yeah. I once saw... What does that make him? Is he saying the wrestler? The machoist. Yeah, that's right. I once...

Didn't Sting invent reggae? I once saw... The wrestler. In one of those kinds of stores, the uh mask that gladiator wore in the the titular role nice that guy stays afloat i was talking to him because i go in there i used to go in there quite a bit when i lived in that area you suck and um going in there quite a bit well like twice a year to buy gifts for for people for swordsmen i'm sorry for saying yeah yeah that's all right and no because they had these marionettes of dragons.

But anyways, wow. Marionettes? Yeah, they had these little like sculptures of dragons. And my ex-girlfriend was really into dragons. So I used to go there and get her something like every Christmas. And it was a marionette? Well, not a marionette. I don't know why I said marionette. Like little statues and little like...

Now we're all thinking of a dragon marionette. Everything was very dragon related in that place of you with the strings above yeah and uh doing the sean connery voice so anyways i'm talking i'm talking to him i'm gonna get this story out yeah i don't how he stays afloat and he actually does a lot of renting out to movies being filmed here right any any movie with any sort of medieval theme to it. About puppet dragons. About swords and armor. He has all that shit there, right? And the weirdest thing is, is that

somewhere in the conversation, I always remember how he led up to it, but he said his favorite show to me was M.A.S.H. Because of all the dragons. I know, I know. It doesn't make any sense. I don't know how he worked it into the sentence. Alan Alda was a swordsman. Yeah.

It was like that episode of Friends where the guy kept talking about Fonzie. You know what I mean? That's weird. There's a place on East Broadway that's got a gorilla out front. Yeah. He's camouflaged.

Yeah, yeah. U.S. surplus. Yeah, and it's all... It's called Gorilla Surplus. I've never been in, but it sells paintball supplies, apparently. I think it will be placed here. I put in for a job there once.

I can believe that. The reason they said I had to submit to a drug test, which I was fine with, but then the one thing that really turned me off about it, they were like, there's often quite a few robberies and stuff. I was like, that's fine. Well, it's not my shit i don't care you know what's the point yeah somebody comes in what if the robbery goes bad yeah it would go well i'm pretty i'm pretty cool under pressure but then the girl kept grilling me about whether or not it would bother me to to have a woman as a boss and i was like but she she asked it and i was like

yeah no i'm fine with that and then she asked it like three more times she's like would that freak you out like to have a woman over top and she kept saying over top or like on and i was like okay enough now it's freaking you out well yeah like if you're already being like a super sexually suggestive and be like you won't let up on something that i've clearly said is fine you can just tell that that's going to be the whole job like i do something she's gonna be like is that because I'm a woman? Yeah. You know, I was just like, oh, fuck it. The glass ceiling has been broken in the paintball pellet industry. Yeah. She's not asking

you if you're uncomfortable with it. She's uncomfortable with it already. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? And so, and it seemed like a really cool place. Women, right? Am I right? Huh? Ah, dragons, am I right? Um, Dave and I are big fans of Dragon's Den. We're both big Dragon's Den fans.

Yes, that's right. We're going to give a note to any American listeners. Dragon's Den has nothing to do with dragons. I know. It's a business reality show, probably. I've never watched it. Yeah, it's like five kind of really rich CEOs of companies that actually have actual money. You pitch your kooky idea, and if they like it, they'll actually invest in it.

Yeah. That's where Spanx got their start. That's right. Really? Yeah. I made that up, but if that's right. Sure. I thought it was.

Spanx. I'm talking out of my A word. Oh, my God. Okay. Maybe I'm wrong. So we got our Secret Santa thing locked down. Can't wait. See you here next week.

I don't know what I'm going to get you. You're going to hate it. I thought you already had stuff for me. Yeah, I got something, but I didn't realize it was a $30 limit. Oh, if you want to go lower, I can go lower. No, $30. Well, let's do it. We've already shook on it.

Okay. I'm going to bring receipts, and mine's going to total up to exactly 30. Even if I have to buy a couple candies. An envelope. Yeah, maybe throw in the change. What else do we have to do? Do we want to talk official American listener? We haven't made an official decision.

Okay. We've narrowed it down. We've narrowed it down. I like my personal. I really liked the pledge of allegiance thought it was fantastic yep um made a great case for it but i am also i'm i'm torn because uh jo joanna or joanna joanna joanna she she made a really good argument and then followed it both of them followed it up with emails joanna was the one with the vegan cookbook

yes and they both followed it up with emails after the fact they both sent an email saying like thank you for considering they're the only two that are like really stoked on it yeah and i'm stoked on both of them i personally am torn i'm all out of faith i this is how i feel. You're cold and you're ashamed. I'm lying naked on the floor, Dave. So, yeah, I appreciate your having narrowed it down. I'm leading towards Erica. Sure. The Pledger of Allegiance. But let's hammer it out by next week.

Well, you know, we haven't done the Talon portion. Fine, fine. Oh, should we have, like, a runoff vote, like Saxby Chambliss? Yeah, Saxby Chambliss. All right. We'll figure out something for these women to do. All right. I like it.

I don't know what they're talking about right now. It's okay. Fine. But don't worry. We're coming back around with some time travel. That's right. I'm just waiting for the time travel conversation. Before we launch full into the time travel conversation, I just want to say to the

bumpers out there that we're going to get a forum up, I think. Because this week, if nothing else, demonstrated that there's people that got some shit to say. They're going to say it. It was on our blog page. Just an explosive conversation

just blew up about if we... from time to time, Dave, we do a thing called stunt casting where we recast an old TV show or an old movie. And we'd say, you know, if we were... You know, you're Errol Flynn Robin. Yes, that's right. My Errol Flynn Robin. You're Leonard's part six. We've never stunt casted Back to the the future it was it was on the agenda

it was certainly on the docket nice um and then so people just started throwing in suggestions left right because we talk back to the future yeah almost every week yeah well why wouldn't you yeah exactly right yeah three movies i mean it's not like just one movie we're talking yeah yeah no it's a lot there's a lot of movie to cover. So there were some great suggestions. I can't remember who the leading candidate for Doc Brown was. I forget that, too. But really, my favorite suggestions were Jake Busey as your Biff Tannen. That's pretty perfect.

It's pretty great. Also, the... Then you can even have gary bucey as the old you don't have to use jake bucey you can just use a gary bucey that would be great yeah that's special effects once again there's someone in hollywood that's fucking brilliant okay so for george mcfly somebody suggested jim carrey and now we're looking at it now somebody also suggested Michael Cera now I assume that they were

pitching that for Marty McFly and just misspoke but then the more I think about it Michael Cera would be a great George McFly it'd be too hard to show him older though he's a bit baby faced look at Brad Pitt and Benjamin button that's all i'm saying special effects 60 years old yeah but he's aging backwards oh okay no he's gorgeous so i i i thumbs

up the michael cera as george mcfly i think that's great somebody recommended a michael richards as doc brown which would be great, except there's a little controversy. Oh, I didn't hear about that. The unfortunate. Yeah. The unfortunateness is going to... Who were the leaders for...

Well, there was no... There was, I think, just one suggestion for... That's right. He's going to be mayor. Lorraine. Mayor. Mayor. Yeah.

What about Goldie Wilson? I see a Dave Chappelle. Am am i wrong you're not far off uh but the the biggest bone of contention has been marty mcfly of course yeah i think michael sarah would be a good marty mcfly who would there was no real kind of lead candidate on his mother yeah there was uh peggy from mad men was one of them. Oh, yeah. Very good. Very good. Although she's a little buxom. Yeah, but she was pretty buxom in the first one.

There's a lot of cleavage going on. Yeah, I guess there was still those bras back then. Oh, God. Ba-boom. Hey, sound effects guy, what about... Sorry, I missed that one, yeah. Hey, uh... Well, who would you say is Lorraine McClare?

I'm trying to think. I'm trying to think. Because she couldn't be Buxom, because remember, in the third movie, she gets the fake breasts, so she has to be larger there. No, second movie. Second movie?

Yeah. Third movie's Old West. Okay, you're right. You're right. Second movie, yeah. Wow, look at that. I just got served by Shumka on that one. Well, welcome to the future. Yeah, look at that. I just got served by Shumka on that one. Welcome to the future.

Yeah, you're right. The second movie. So she couldn't be two bucks and she has to save it for that. And she has to have somebody that would have the wholesomeness of a... We're not officially stunt casting. We're just kind of entering into the bait. But nobody has any immediate suggestions

for that. Does anybody have a better Doc Brown? What about Jim Carrey as a Doc Brown? Yeah, that would be good, too. He could pull off that. Because he was great in Lemony Snicket. That's right. Same kind of role.

And also, somebody put in, what was it? Was it iPhone as the flux capacitor? Nice. Nice. That's pretty good. That a very hollywoody touch yeah 1.21 gigawatts well i'm sure in 1985 you could find plutonium on the corner street but it's a little harder to find out here so david tisonis has seen back to the future upwards of two times so dave david david tassonis if you had to recast okay first of all legendary role of marty mcfly yeah who would you throw okay first of all do you know who originally was cast as marty mcfly eric stoltz that's very good all right now you're already on a roll what about then he died in a fire what about having him come back and playing the doc

eric stoltz is the doc. Eric Stoltz is the doc? Yeah. Christopher Lloyd Parton. What has Eric Stoltz been in recently? I'm trying to fix your question. An episode of Law and Order? Was he a good guy? Probably not.

He was a priest in Special Victims. It shows you how that one went. You can connect the dots on that one. Let's go Marty. let's go back on track somebody young you know you know it'll be good i don't know his name but he's the other guy in super bad michael cera but the other guy he's heavier jonah hill he's quite a bit heavier yeah yeah but he would be he would be that frantic kind of guy, but then again... The thing I don't like about Michael Cera is that when Marty McFly gets called chicken, he toughens up.

I don't think Michael Cera can do that. Do the toughen up, yeah. Here are some suggestions. Topher Grace was in there. Topher Grace I liked a lot. Topher Grace from that Sunday show? Yeah, yeah. Ashton Kutcher also thrown in.

I liked Topher Grace because I suggested it. They might both be too old, even though Michael Keaton, like that's his real name. Michael J. Fox. Even though Michael J. Fox was probably 30 when he played that role. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, you know, like I think like, and Ashton Kutcher has the right energy. But Ashton Kutcher, I think, is more like, he would be more of the Biff type person. Okay, yeah.

He's more, he has bullyish leanings. Yeah, yeah. What else? Who else was too good? Malcolm in the middle. No. No. biff type person okay yeah he's more he has bullish leanings yeah what else was doing good there Malcolm in the middle no no don't do it to babyface Zac Efron or Shia LaBeouf which Zac Efron not bad not bad guy who I don't know who's never seen a Mac I think it was the back ads the Mac and PC Justin long yeah there you go that's who I would put. Also too old. Well, like I just said, Michael J. Fox was probably 30 when he was playing him.

Yeah, but he was diminutive. Yeah. Okay, wait a minute. Not Zac Efron. Who's the one from Scrubs? Oh, Zac... Zac Braff? Braff. Also too old.

I'm throwing him in there. Just as a possibility. Okay. Zac Braff. Casey Affleck as a possibility Casey Affleck how about Strickland who did you get to play Strickland the bald principal I think we cast that later

no it has to be done now Jason Biggs from American Pie no you can't carry the movie Napoleon Dynamite Jason Biggs from American Pie. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. You can't carry the movie. Oh. Napoleon Dynamite. Ooh.

Two. Yeah, no. Nick Cannon. No. Doesn't have the... Let's just ignore that one. Yeah. Doesn't have the charm at all.

What the hell is Napoleon Dynamite's real name? John Hedra. John Hedra. That's right. John Hedra. But honestly, if I had to cast it, you know what I would do? I would cast an unknown. And you know who I would cast?

From the Sunday Service. Aaron Reid? Aaron Reid. Now, nobody knows who Aaron Reid is, but if you post a picture of Marty McFly and Aaron Reid side by side, I think people would start to see that that would be the exact choice. Aaron Reid is my pick. All right. The next. We're not casting this. No, no, no.

But thanks a lot for everybody who wrote in for that. That's a lot of fun. Yeah. And while we're talking back in time. I'm going back in time. Yay. Dave. All right.

You have one shot. You go forward. I'm going back in time. Yay! Dave, you have one shot. You can go forward. You can go backwards. Oh. But not side to side. But you can move through space and time. You can't go over it. You can't go around it.

Mm-hmm. Gotta go through it. Yeah. Exactly. So you can go anywhere in time. Backward and forward. Round trip. Where do you go? Now, is this to stay or just to back and forward, round trip, where do you go?

Now, is this to stay or just to visit? No, round trip. Yeah, visit. You come back. Just to visit. So, how long do I stay there? Well, you could stay. Theoretically, you could cancel your return ticket and just hang out.

Yeah. And you forward, backwards. But if you went forwards, you'd want to come back. I thought we were going to discuss the theory of time travel. I didn't know I got to get into the car the delorean yeah you get into the delorean you drive to 88 you're gone i'm out of here where do you go wow that's that's a really tough question i should clarify that you're not actually going yeah this is generally for comedy.

That would be a harder question. Oh, wow. You know, a lot of people go back in time, they kill Hitler. They go into the future. They go back in time, they stop Valkyrie from being made. They can't. It's one of those future

things. No matter what you do, Valkyrie just gets made. You see, but here's the whole thing. If you go back and kill Hitler, you never know, someone even worse might have taken over. Yeah, so that's not your pick. Super Hitler. What would you do?

Super Hitler. Yeah, Super Hitler. Micro Hitler. They had an Outer Limits episode where the woman went back in time to kill Hitler and she found him as a baby. And she actually killed the baby. And what happened is that the nanny of Hitler's

family went out and bought a baby off like a peasant woman and that's why Hitler didn't look like a real German because he was actually a gypsy. And they tied that all in that way. Right? And that was an episode. Which one was that? The one with the marionette dragons. Yeah, the marionette dragons were

in there too. That's called a callback. Okay, where would I go back to? That's right one with the marionette dragons. Yeah, the marionette dragons were in there, too. That's called a callback. Okay, where would I go back to? That's right. See, I don't know. Go back to or forward. Yeah. But you only got one shot, and you only have one minute more to think it over.

Okay, yeah. Well, there's, like, you know, the glamorous period in time I would think of, of course, would be the Renaissance period. That is glamorous. Right? That would be the part to go back to, to see all these people ahead of their times. Like, go back and see Michelangelo come up with a helicopter. So you would go back to a time Michelangelo, maybe Leonardo, coming up with something.

Yeah, something like that, just to see. Give them an almanac of sports results. Back to the future again. But the thing is, is that when you read about what it was really like back then, people lived to be like, what, 30? Yeah. You know, the plague would wipe out entire villages and stuff like that. Yeah, absolutely. So I would like to go back in time with today's medical science, you know?

So you go back with a medical bag, some penicillin, some gauze. Yeah, you know, and hide it secretly. Yeah, you would die immediately because you are not immune to that stuff. I would be a mowed man, right? So, like, it's hard to say with stuff like that. And then again, what can the future hold, too, right? I don't know. Is that your definitive pick?

You're going to go back? Go back to the Renaissance? Okay, if we really had to do it, I always think this would be funny. Keep in mind, the Libyans are chasing you. You've got to go right now. I think the best thing we'd do would go back to the 40s and become an actor and learn how to speak German. And I would work at every damn World War II movie because they always had that guy who spoke. They always had the same actor in Hollywood.

See, that's an interesting... So I would go back in time, learn German, and become an actor in Hollywood in the 40s and 50s, where they made a ton of World War II movies. And so right now we'd be looking back and be like, who is that character? You know? He was like the German guy. He was

like Errol Flynn, but German. It was like David Tatakos or something like that. It's not the same. You can't go back in the 50s and 60s and learn how to speak Vietnamese. You'd be in all the Vietnamese movies because there was a few American guys, but obviously you have to be Asian for that. But you didn't even have to look German

in those movies as long as you could speak German. And wear a monocle. Good pick. That's a good pick. That honestly would be something funny I would do. That's a bold career move. Alright. Strong pick. That was a bold career move. Yeah, all right. Strong pick from Dave Tisonis.

That was a lot of dicking around to come up with something pretty great. Yeah, it was great. Did you guys have somewhere to be? No, no, I'm just like, I'm giving him some pretty backhanded compliments at best. Yeah, man, you're giving Dave Tisonis unwarranted flack. I'm giving him the gears. And I came here, I'm only here for a week, and I came here on my Saturday afternoon to do it. It was dark, dark, dark. I guess we've already

been through what your pick was, right? Yeah, I forget. I got confused. That's how strong it was, folks listening. He forgot it already. That's how strong it was. Sorry, I had to get him back. So, you know, I think we've done some uh some pretty

outstanding work um yeah so uh next week we're gonna have we're gonna have secret santa we're gonna have some holiday uh treats we're gonna have some holiday treats we're gonna have uh something that's gonna figure figure out... One second. I've got to figure out the official American listener. We're going to have the guy hopefully who couldn't get into Robin Hood Prince of Thieves with me. Oh, that's right.

Right. And sorry, you were going to ask when is this going to air? This will air it'll be probably Monday? Yeah. Monday? Okay. I will be out of town already. Yeah. But it'll be available forever. Yeah. Monday? Okay. I will be out of town already. Yeah. But it'll be available forever. Yeah.

Anyone can go to YouTube or MySpace or Facebook to see anything of mine, too. Do you have anything to plug? It's Dave Tisonis, TSO. No, I did, but it's going to be too late because I'm at the club this weekend. TSO and OS. Yeah. TSO and OS, David. You're in Kelowna next week?

Yes. If you're in Kelowna, that's right. He's a Truskin.-O-S, David. You're in Kelowna next week? Yes, if you're in Kelowna, that's right. He's Etruscan. The Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Me and one of my oldest friends in comedy, Jai Harris, will be co-featuring it up there. Jai Julian Harris will be up there as well. So check that out at the, what is it called, Sliders Bar and Grill? Blue Lines.

Blue Lines, that's right, there you go. The Blue Lines Hotel in Kelowna. And Dave Tisonis is an Etruscan male. That's right. There you go. The Blue Line. It's a nice hotel. In Kelowna. And Dave Tisonis is an Etruscan male. That's right. And you guys should... From the Etruscan period, right? It's not a group of people. It's a time period.

It was an epoch. He's Jurassic. You're Jurassic. Yeah. I'm actually Albanian. You're an Albanian Jurassic. That's right. And famous Albanians?

Let's hear them. Kim Kardashian. That was right. And famous Albanians? Let's hear them. Kim Kardashian. That was going to be mine. Belushis are Albanian. Kim Kardashian is a real person. I know, but I can't trust them. The other A country in that. Belushis and Mother Teresa was Albanian too.

Azerbaijan. Who else? The Belushis. Belushis and Mother Teresa Pretty much the same I always think of her as being a nun Okay And I think of Jim Belushi as being a non Am I right?

As in non-talented? Folks Come on I'll let the bumpers decide We are out of time Thanks a lot for listening. Thanks for coming out, Dave. No problem.

That's awesome. Have fun in Kelowna. I shall. If anyone wants to get in contact with us, you can email us at stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com and come check out the recap blog, Stop Podcasting Yourself. At blogspot.com.

Dot blogspot.com. I have a last plug. Is it too late? No, go ahead. Okay, I will be in Montreal on December 26th and 27th at the Comedy Works.

Okay. And the headliner will be, I've never seen him before, I've heard lots of good things, Angelo Chirucas. Okay. And I will be hosting

the show. Sounds ethnic. One time guest appearance on Mad Men as a bouncer. That's right. That's right. Nice.

And I believe he did very well in that season of American Idol. Yes, that was the same. Oh no, I'm thinking of George Strombolopoulos. But do check out those sites and if you enjoyed the podcast, tell your friends.

Thanks a lot for listening and come on back next week for a special Holiday Times edition of Stop Podcasting Yourself.