Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 420 - Clare Belford

Episode Date: April 4, 2016

Comedian Clare Belford joins us to talk about dates, coyotes, and spooky Russian stuff.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 420 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me is a man whose name is Dave, but Dave's not here man. 420, Dave Shumka. Hi, happy episode 420 to you my friend.

And happy 420 to you. Hitler's birthday episode. Yep. I always forget that that's that. Why is it Hitler's birthday birthday well i mean yeah i guess so like everyone has to have a birthday right well not jesus yeah that's true or uh yeah but i guess everybody has a birthday that's something that we can all uh even if you're a hatchling. Yeah. Even if you're... I don't know what a hatchling is.

But you're not birthed the way we conventionally birth people. Yeah. If you come out of an egg or if you rise up from ooze. You have a birthday. And it's 420, so... Smoke them if you got them, I guess Yeah, yeah You know, go out in the park

Get that hacky sack out Get out those devil sticks Guys, just be really rasta while you listen to this episode You know how people make fun of us for being Canadian And pronouncing pasta as pasta? Yeah Is it rasta? No, it's Rasta.

And our guest today, first time guest on the podcast, originally hailing from Edmonton, now making her home in Toronto, very funny comedian, Miss Claire Belford is our guest. Hi. Hi. Hi. Happy 420. Happy 420. I don't like us.

I'm starting to warm up to us. Oh, really? Yeah. 420 episodes and you're warming up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think we're starting to find our groove. Groove. Oh, come on, buddy.

Oh, should we get to know us? Oh, sure. get to know us? I was sure. Now, you were born and raised in Edmonton? I was born in Grand Prairie. Ooh, fun. Northern Alberta, and then moved to Edmonton in junior high. Okay. You said to your parents, I'm going to go to the big city.

I'm going to go to a cool junior high in Edmonton. We were actually very afraid of moving to the city, so we moved to the suburbs. We lived in St. Albert. What were you afraid of? Crime? I don't know. Traffic? Yeah, I guess there's lots of traffic.

But there's not, isn't there like more crime on like farms and stuff? Oh, yeah. It's one of those weird statistics. Yeah, like isn't there like more crime on like farms and stuff? Oh yeah, it's one of those weird statistics. Yeah, like isn't there more crime going on, more murders on farms every year? Yeah, you're more likely, it's like you're more likely to get murdered by a horse than by whores. So stay in the city. Well, good point. We didn't live on a farm, though, so no murders. So you moved from small town to suburb, then to city.

I moved to the city as an adult. And now you can't get enough. Now you move to Canada's biggest city. Yeah, I got to find a bigger city. Yeah, but now that's it. That's what we have. There's no more bigger city. Well, you can move to bigger cities. Yeah. But now that's it. That's what we have. There's no more bigger city. Well, you can move

to bigger cities. I like. Just not Canadian. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. You know how it's like hard to move to the States? Is it easier to move to

China? Yeah. Or like. I wonder. I'm going to say no. Because people are always like, yeah, I'm going to retire to, you know.

Oh, yeah. Like some island somewhere. But but like how can you do that yeah i wonder if if those islands are keen on having a bunch of people like suddenly their me like median population age goes up yeah hey we all we all need a bunch of late in life care now and some pina coladas uh yeah i don't know i imagine there's some countries that it's like uh they don't even have a process because they're like what you want to move here so you just uh you could just go but uh yeah i don't know you know you could move to i'm sure you could if you wanted to move to china if you wanted to move to China, if you wanted to move to China, I bet you could.

Maybe. It would be hard. It would be hard as a stand-up comedian. But I think you'd find that culturally it would be worth it. I think you could probably, if you committed a crime, they would put you up for free for a long time. Yeah. And there's a guy in. Put me up for free.

What do you mean? Put you in prison. Oh, oh. I might have my leg on stage. Yeah, just performing at the Folsom County Prison in China. All of your bluesy country jokes. There's a guy in North Korea that was there on like a... You heard about this.

It stole like a flag or something. It stole a poster from his hotel. Yeah. And he's 15 years hardly. Because his church wanted him to. Yeah, his church... His church wanted the poster? Yeah, they were like, if you bring back the poster, we'll give you a car or something like that.

Is this like why they sent him? I don't know. Like as a joke thing like he went there as part of something what a badass church but right

right God was here but yeah yeah 15 years hard like hard labor but come on

like it would be hard to be in prison. If I went to prison, I would want to go to prison for something very violent. I wouldn't want to be the guy who's in prison for stealing a poster. But no one in his prison would know that. They probably get the papers in there. I'm sure he blends right in.

Into a North Korean prison? Just some white guy this church just sends him a message so do you still have the poster or yeah that's the worst part they took it away yeah yeah he didn't even get the the car he won't even have the car when he gets out well maybe he will yeah but it'll be like a 15 year old car by the way, that's right. The battery will be dead. So what else is going on, Claire? Well, I'm not in prison in North Korea. Congratulations. Thank you.

My church is very disappointed. Well. What else is going on? Well, I've been on the road for a few weeks. That's been fun. Yeah? Yeah. Where did you, what was your journey um it was very much

back and forth from edmonton to smaller towns in alberta okay um doing doing stand-up yeah okay and staying with your parents or staying um no my parents actually don't live in edmonton anymore i was staying with uh are they on the run they're retiring to china um yeah it's been been good i hadn't gotten to come home for a while i'm like i moved like six months ago and that's the first time i've come home since so right i mean that's not that long really but it is the longest i've been away right six months i guess you know for the first time and did you bring back all sorts of fun knickknacks a suitcase covered in stickers different cities they really don't do that anymore

just neighborhoods in toronto yeah i uh didn't actually bring very much back i tried to pack really light okay caused like a big rift with my grandma. I saw her in Grand Prairie and she was trying to give me this mat that my brother... She has these foamy mats underneath her carpets and she really wanted me to bring this mat back to my brother because he liked it.

He liked it? Yeah! And I was like, Grandma, I don't have room in my suitcase for this. She was mad about that. And it's from Dollarama. There's like a Dollarama 250 sticker on it. The easiest way, I think, is just to take the thing, go out of your grandma's house, find a garbage can, put it in the garbage can.

Oh, she was mad. She was like, I think that you could fit it in your suitcase, but I can see that you don't want to try. Oh, yeah. Maybe if you took out some of your trashy shirts. Now, traveling light, what is that for you? Is that one carry-on bag? Yeah. Okay.

I did carry-on for the first time. Yeah, feels good. First time I didn't check a bag it feels great yeah except i ended up checking it last minute because they needed someone to check a bag so you went to all this trouble they're like please if somebody wants to volunteer that kind of do they give you a prize no you just don't have to spend the money to check it. Oh, okay. Ah, there we go. Yeah, you figured out a life hack. Oh, yeah, the loophole system. But you had to take it through security and everything. You had to go through all that trouble. All that trouble.

And put all your dry shampoos into little containers. I guess dry shampoo doesn't matter. No, no. Yeah. Oh, yeah, we were talking about dry shampoo before. I've never tried it before, but I have a hair that gets like I'll shower in the morning and by late afternoon, my hair is like it's like I just rolled around and bacon is so greasy. So does dry shampoo. Does that take care of that? Because I like it like a midday dry shampoo just to perk. Oh, yeah. You would love would love it. I think I would love it. I think I struggled with it for a long time. Like I was saying I felt like for the most part, the ones

I tried just made my hair dirtier. Yeah. But then I found one that worked and it was like, oh, such a game changer. So what do you do? Do you just put it in and then you just set it and forget it? More or less. Does it work through the day? It doesn't foam up? Can you get your hair wet?

If you get caught in the rain, it just sets up. Oh, my God. What's going on with your head? No, you just put it in. You work it in a bit. You brush it out. You brush it out. Yeah.

Okay. And then you're fine. And it's noticeable? Like, you're like, oh, my hair looks... Oh, my God, yeah. Really? Yeah, it looks so much less greasy. And kind of fuller. It kind of gives you're fine. And it's noticeable. Like, you're like, oh, my hair looks. Oh, my God, yeah. Really? Yeah, it looks so much less greasy. And kind of fuller.

It kind of gives you some body. Mmm. We need that, yeah. Body is something my body needs anyway. What, do you do it, like, over the sink? Do you do it while you're showering? No, that's the point, is you don't shower. Yeah, I guess so.

But, like, does it not Go everywhere When you brush it out Like do you have to Stand in the bathtub You know Like it's a tornado Well like I have I trim my beard And I

You stand in the bathtub I stand in the bathtub That's so awful I do it over the Just over the sink Um I have Kitchen sink

While everyone's eating excuse me everybody what does that fun do anyways yeah the so wait does it go everywhere does it go everywhere

I feel like they don't care about the answer to this question I've gotten it on my clothes sometimes but you just wipe it off because it's so dry so dry yeah So dry.

Yeah, I like that. How come they don't have also like, well, I guess you just have wet naps. It's like dry soap. It's a powder, isn't it? Well, there's some that are sprays also. What about infusium? It's the leave-in users believe in. I don't know about this product.

It was a leave-in shampoo. Or conditioner? Leave-in conditioner. Oh, leave-in shampoo oh or conditioner leave-in condition oh okay i do remember that i kind of don't know what leave-in conditioner is like i mean i know what it is but i don't understand the concept i think it's like the opposite of dry shampoo because i would use it and just feel like it made my hair greasy yeah yeah yeah but like would you use that in a shower or did you just no i think you spray it on your hair wet. Weird. Or you, I think you do put it in a shower and you just walk out.

Wait, wait, does your hair have to be. You leave it in the shower, leave it in condition. But then it's your hair. Do you have to dry your hair before you put in it? God, this is impossible. It is impossible. Also today, while I was having a shower, my shampoo ran out. So I used some of my roommate's stuff.

It is so, it is so scented. Fragrant. Yeah. Like, oh, but like, like I understand a little fragrance in your shampoo, but this was, this was crazy. Like the bathroom, like the whole bathroom smelled like it. Oh man. She's just like, who used all my perfume?

Oh, I thought it was dry shampoo. It was a little thin for shampoo. I pulled off this atomizer. Yeah, it was this tiny little bottle of shampoo. So dry shampoo. We got that covered. please can we move on that's your area of expertise right but you you started doing uh a stand-up in edmonton and must have toured around the small towns of alberta uh not easy right doing comedy like that oh it hurts yeah like because what kind of like uh because we

we've had people on that live in alberta who do comedy there you're sean lacombers and whatnot but they they seem that was a weird reaction we cut that out oh you think you love them like so deeply but uh uh it sounds like like the crowds there, maybe they have a clash with the stand-up comedian point of view? Or is that just a generalization? Honestly, I think just the biggest problem with doing stand-up in those kinds of places is they just don't get a lot of live entertainment. People don't know how to behave in that atmosphere. So a like a lot of people yelling out yeah they think like heckling is like a big part of it and and i guess it is if that's what's happening yeah we can make it a big part of it certainly like it's in our hands um did you have to play any place where they wouldn't, uh, you know, shut off the sports

game or the pool tables? Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Um, though the ones though, like, like I've done a couple with Sean. Um, you love him. Yeah. Sean, your first true love. Just wanted to mention that.

End of point. So I made it. Those ones, there's a few that are, like, well produced. Like, as well as they could be produced with those crowds, I think. Are there any, like, it feels like you should, not you, but someone should incorporate that sort of sports bar stuff into their act and just be like, I'm the pool table comedian. Yeah, yeah.

I'm the, like, not only do I do jokes, I'm also the hot wing record holder. Yeah, like, what if a guy could go over and do trick shots on the pool table? That would probably get you sent some shots. You would need a secondary act, though, for if you show up at a place and they don't have a pool table. You're like, oh, I'm also good at those punching machines. Darts? You guys got darts? Yeah. The big buck hunter comedian.

That'd be so cool, just telling your jokes while also shooting deer on Buck Hunter. Just nailailing that game That's Is that still the only Like video game That's in a lot of bars Yeah there's that I feel like

There's a golf one Yeah Pinball's making a comeback But I guess it's not really a video game Sure Yeah I'll count it Are you

Okay good You any good at pinball I've never honestly I've never played Never No I've watched it. Oh, sure. It's fun to watch.

It's a real good spectator sport. It really is, though. I didn't know it was such a good. Why isn't bowling called pinball? That's a good call. What came first? Well, there's no pins in pinball. Yeah.

I guess there's, are there little. Yeah, I guess maybe those are pins. Or like, are there nails In the thing That count as pins Nails Yeah I Nail ball Plinko

I'm just so bad at it Like I just shoot the ball And then it comes down And then I miss it And it just goes right between Yeah I wouldn't want to watch You play pinball

What Some people that are Really good at it It's quite entertaining They get in all the Like the points And the machine is Lighting up And stuff Yeah I know some people That are like Like that are really good at it, it's quite entertaining. They're getting all the points and the machine is lighting up.

Whoop, whoop, whoop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know some people that are like, they're obsessed. Wizards? Would you say they're kind of wizards

of pinball? I mean, they're part of a clan, so yeah, I guess they are. Are you good at any of those kinds of parlor games? I'm not, no,

but I like them. I'm getting better at darts. I'm really good at the one where you put a penny in and it smashes it. The penny smasher? Yeah. What is that one? It's not so much a game.

It's a souvenir. Cost a dollar. I'm, uh, no, I'm not good at any of them. I think I played my first decent game of pool, like, two nights ago. Yeah? Were you calling shots? Not necessarily calling them, but, but like thinking about shots and singing. Sorry, I didn't call you,

but I was thinking about you. Growing up as a teenager, like we would go to pool halls and I would imagine that that was what adult life was. Like you hang out in pool halls. From a lot of sitcoms, that seemed like the place you would take a date was a pool hall.

And I've never been as an adult, I don't think, to a strictly a pool hall. I've been to pool halls, but yeah, there's not many people there on dates. A lot of teenagers hanging out. Have you ever been taken on a date to a pool hall?

No. Have you ever been taken on a date? Yes. Okay. you ever been taken on a date to a pool hall no have you ever been taken on a date um yes okay congratulations thank you i don't even like because the traditional one was always movie right you go to a movie or a dinner or dinner and a movie oh what In this economy? It's the tradition. But now it's gone. I went on a really nice date, but we had made plans to go for a walk in the park, in High Park. That's a good, cheap date. It was nice, but I was hanging out with my friend beforehand, and she was like, so you're just going into the woods with this guy you've never met? And I was like, oh you're just going into the woods with this guy you've never met? And I was like, oh, man, is this really dangerous?

And then we were meeting at a coffee shop beforehand. And he texted me. And he's like, I'm here early. Can I get you a drink? And I was like, yeah, sure, black coffee. And then I was like, oh, my God. I'm going into the woods with this guy, and I'm leaving a drink unattended with him. Oh, man.

Small town Rue over here. Yes, all women. attended with him. Oh, man. Small town Rue over here. Guess all women. Worked out, though. It was all right? It was great. It was great. Yeah, a walk in the park is a nice

thing to do. For sure. And there was lots of people in the park. It was very populated. It was bright out. Maybe in the park at one in the morning.

Pretty chill. Abby and I, we have a one and a half year old. And so we don't get out much. And when we do, like if. It's normally the park. Well, if we do, like when the baby goes to bed at seven. And we go to bed at eight. But Abby's mother has been staying with us off and on. She's currently at her, they have a place

on a tropical island around here. But she was staying with us and so she was like, why don't you guys go to a movie? And we went to see Deadpool and it was a seven o'clock showing and I was like I'm not sure we can stay awake. So what I did is

I bought I bought us seats in those rumble seats oh yeah yeah yeah that like just shaking you away yeah they shake you

constantly and sometimes it's really cool like you're in a car and it does feel like it's rolling that's fun and then sometimes

it's a fight scene and it just feels like the guy behind you is kicking the seat. And you look around, you're like, you have to fight that reflex to look behind you every time. Yeah, sorry. Oh, I was going to say, I went to, it was billed as a 4D movie in Niagara Falls once,

and it was similar. Your seats are shaking, but also they spray water. Yeah, yeah. There's like a scene like a princess was crying and then all of a sudden it's just like... I'm sure there's like

people who are artists who program these things. Oh, sure. But like they get the movie and they're like, well, what do I use this water for? Yeah. It made sense for like

they had like a Jurassic Park one, but it was a double feature. Jurassic Park one. Because of all the dinosaur urine. Or if it just auto programs, like there's just a script that says cries and it just automatically makes a mist for any kind of,

any liquid. Did it blow air in your face as well? Like if somebody's whispering to another character, you get air in your face? I don't remember. I just remember the jarring, like, hard stream of water in the face. Oh, yeah, they have to switch the nozzle to spritz. Not jet. Is going on a date to a movie it's not really a great date

because you just sit there it's fine it's fine but then you have to have something after or before I think well people always do dinner and a movie and I think everyone always does it in the wrong order

I think you should go movie and a dinner because then you can talk about the movie yeah yeah because yeah then don't you have to go get a drink after an order maybe that's why because it's dinner movie drink then yeah then dinner movie drink and then you're like let's go have a drink talk about the movie let's have a couple of drinks we'll go to the park and these are pretty uh expensive dates it sounds like yeah so many different activities can we just go

drink in the park yeah well I don't know you can sneak in a drink into the movie yeah why have I never

done that oh like I don't mean alcohol I mean like oh like a soda yeah that's the Tinseltown theater

there's a 7-Eleven in the oh yeah on the bottom floor and it's I'm sure they don't sell any food other than popcorn in the theater.

You know what movie theaters should do? They should sell, like, weird sodas that you can't get anywhere else. And then people would always buy the sodas at the, you know what I mean? Like, Cherry 7-Up or something like that. Like, something you can't get anywhere else. Have you used one of those machines that is like. Oh, yeah. Computer pop?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. those are wild. Yeah. What? I don't... Is it supposed to be more fun? No, it just has like a wider variety of drinks. Yeah.

And also you can mix. Yeah. And it all comes out of the same nozzle, so it's kind of weird. And also it sprays you while you're watching a movie. You get sprayed with... Mr. Pibb? Yeah, cherry Dr. Pepper. You get sprayed with... Mr. Pibb?

Yeah, Cherry Dr. Pepper. That would be good if it was a movie about different kinds of drinks. I can't name a movie. Firefly? Well, I was just thinking, remember there was that movie about the guy who invented the windshield wiper? Yeah. Oh, that's where you'd want to go 4D for sure. So many opportunities to spray you in the face.

That movie was Greg Kinnear called Stroke of Genius, Flash of Genius. Flash of Genius. This is a thing? It was a real movie. It came out like a decade ago. Not the guy who invented the windshield wiper, the guy who invented the intermediate setting, like the not always setting.

Yeah. Not on or off. And like a car company. It the not always setting. Yeah. Not on or off. And like a car company. It's a good setting. He tried to sell it to a car company and they didn't buy it and then they used it anyway. Yeah.

It's basically. This sounds like a thrilling movie. I'm like just. It's in the thriller section on Netflix. Moved by this conversation. There was that movie last year about the Jennifer Lawrence who sold a mop.

Oh, is that what that was about? I think so. Oh, boy. Wasn't it called Joy or something? Yeah. And that's a kind of dishwashing liquid, isn't it? She sold like one mop? Well, she invented a mop, but not the mop.

She invented the intermediate mop. Is mop like Kleenex? It's just a brand name for stick washer. Say it one more time. Stick floor washer. For a wet broom. Sloppy broom. Slop broom.

Yeah. That's where they get mop. It's like a cross between slop and Muppet. Oh, boy. That'd be a good piece of merchandise. Yeah. A Muppet. A Muppet mop?

Mop? Yeah. Why not? I could go for a sloppy Joe. And so, dating a lot yeah you've been going on lots of dates traveling the country big time

driest shampoo yeah anything else going on we should know about oh man I don't know you know you're living your life I feel like you've painted such a perfect picture of my life.

Played a pretty good game of pool the other day. Yeah. Oh, it was really good. Did you win? No. Oh, okay. We got close and then we couldn't sink the eight ball. Have you ever shot?

Who's we? It was a doubles game. How do you play doubles? Pool? Yeah, you just switch. Is this crazy? You switch off. But like, are you, so there were four people playing? Oh, yeah you just switch is this crazy? you switch off but like are you

so are there four people playing? oh I haven't done that really? it's a good double date activity unless one couple's much better oh boy and then you're fighting with your date

that's true oh man I was just talking about this at brunch I went to Bonds and someone was talking about recesscess, the TV show. Okay.

This is going nowhere, but I... Well, keep going then. I remembered that in grade six, my friend and I dared two boys to go on a double date with us to recess the movie. So that's a good date technique. Wow. Yeah. Daring. Wow. Daring somebody to do something is really good. In that's a good date technique. Yeah. Daring. Wow.

Daring somebody to do something is really good. And grade six is perfect. They're like, okay, yeah. That's genius. I would have been too afraid to go on a date at grade six, but it's like, sorry, I have to. I was dared. What if you were on like a Tinder or something like that

and you messaged somebody and they were like, I dare you to go on a date? What if they double dared you? Double dog? Double date, dog, dare. I think there's like a cap on when that's going to work until. Disagree. I think until right about grade seven. And did they accept? Did you yeah yeah what is recess it is a cartoon i've i've watched it i think it was before my time after my time probably it was after my time i still watched

it i feel like it's after my time but like that and like people who are like a year or two younger than me. Yeah. Like were obsessed with Rugrats and I missed it completely. Yeah. Rugrats and everyone. Recess I watched because I thought it was fairly clever conceit. Yeah. It was pretty funny.

Yeah. Explain it. It was. Is that the one that you explained? You went to the movie. It's like six kids. Is that the one that you explained? You went to the movie.

It's like six kids. There's like this kind of like political system set up at recess time. Maybe you should have taken the reins on this. Yeah, there's this whole like there's a king and there's kids that are like reporter kids. It's like it's a society that just exists at recess. One of my favorite jokes was the Ashleys. All the popular girls are all named Ashley. Yeah.

And they have like a nice fort. Yeah, it was good. It was like for a kid show. It was like, but Rugrats was just like, that was for, that was just kids. Yeah, that was for like, like for little kids. Yeah, that was for like, for little kids. Yeah, but it seemed like there were people who were 12 watching it. Yeah. Yeah, but then you remember there was a period of time when you would just watch anything

after the cartoons you liked that you'd just be like, anything that's not golf. Yeah. Oh boy, you're not wrong about that. But it's funny because I don't like anything now. And I used to like everything. My standards were so low. Like I watched every cartoon. Yeah.

Every boy cartoon. What time of your life are you talking about? I'm talking about like I was born in 1980. So this would have been from like 1986 through 1991. Oh, okay. Well, it's a reasonable time to be open-minded about cartoons. But like things that nobody, there was this thing called cops, but it was like, it had periods in between them and they were cartoon cops. There was this thing called the, uh, uh, uh, centurions.

And there were these guys who had like, uh, there was a water guy and an air guy and a land guy. Yeah, that makes sense. Stuff stuck to their bodies. There was mask that. I remember mask.

There was Bionic Six. Mask. Was that like the cartoon version of mask? Yeah. The Rocky Dennis story. No, this was before the Jim Car carrey okay before that yeah you you watch saturday morning cartoons yeah yeah what were your what were your greatest hits on saturday morning i don't know or just in cartoons in general your recess obviously yeah i liked recess uh when i was really little i guess guess I was super into Care Bears.

Oh, yeah. Oh, sure, yeah. Yeah, I'm Claire, so that really lends itself to a good nickname. Were you Claire Bear through till almost that? Present day. Present day? Yeah. Yeah.

Who gets to call you that family only um you know what is your email address clairebear420 it is now i have to go i have to go to gmail headquarters if you try to put 420 into a g address, it automatically corrects it to a Hotmail. No, your whole screen turns green. Take me to your dealer. I forget what I was trying to answer. Being Claire Bear. Yeah, Claire Bear.

Your whole life of Claire Bear. Who's allowed to? Anybody, I guess. Nobody does it that much anymore um they will when the new movie comes what about claire huxtable that's another one oh that was that really my grandma was like super mad at my mom for naming me claire because she only she didn't know any female claire she only knew a man named claire oh what right oh from that johnny cash song a man named Claire. What? Right? Oh, from that Johnny Cash song. A man named Claire.

Weird Graham Prairie fact. No women named Claire, just men. Huh. And. One of those weird old ones. Claire. Like Leslie for a man or Marion for a man. But I've never heard of a man named Claire.

But Claire Huxtable was who my brothers pointed to as proof that there was women named Claire. Fictional women. Yeah. Claire from The Breakfast Club. Was that a thing? Molly Ringwald character, yeah. Was Claire? Uh-huh, yeah. E. Claire's. Yep, sure. Your one-stop shop on the internet for Claire-related merchandise.

No, no, it's like a sweet thing. What? Yeah, it's like a dessert. Um... Who did, like, what's like a sweet thing. What? Yeah, it's like a dessert. What name did your grandmother have in mind? She wanted me to be named Barb after my aunt. Barb or Barbara? Barb. Barbara. Barb B.

Barb. She had lots of versions of Barb. That's one of those ones that like, if you're named Barbara, you can't be Barb until you're of Barb. Versions of Barb. Barb. That is a, that's one of those ones that like, no, if you're named Barbara, you can't be Barb until you're like 60. Really? I think, I feel like. You stick to Barbara?

There's no 11 year old Barb. I feel like that's younger than Barbara. Barbara. Well. But I think Barbie would be what I would be. Yeah, sure. When I was growing up. Or Babar.

Bar. There was a news anchor, Barb H higgins and that's the only adult barb that i think like barb is real to me that's frozen in time as like like that's like a name from people that lived in the 70s yeah me too and then like there's nobody before the 70s named barb and nobody after that's why the the pamela Pamela Anderson movie Barb Wire didn't do well because like they just couldn't imagine her being named Barb. Honestly, the name Barb makes me think of like sepia tones from like Polaroids from the 70s. Yeah. Like who, like because there's Barbara Mandrell and she was big in the 60s.

There's Barbara Bush, Barbara Walters. Also, big in the 70s. But Barbara, like, Barbara Bush has been an old lady my entire life. That's true. And she was by Barbara. Yeah, yeah. See? Old lady version. Yeah, but they're all old lady versions.

There's no kid version i don't think i guess yeah like it would be crazy if there was like like a vine star named barb something he'd be like what barb cooter toot good vine handle oh man did you did you have a name you were supposed to be if i was uh oh shoot i can't remember someone in my family maybe i was gonna be sydney if i was a girl or maybe joanna or sydney joanna sydney joanna wow so sj sj shumka not bad yeah pretty good yeah did you have a hypothetical girl's name yeah Yeah, it was going to be Madeline. Ooh.

Yeah. Those are good names. Yeah. I feel like that's one of those names. It's old-timey, but you could see somebody naming somebody. And if you were a boy, you would have been Claire. Yeah. They were safe with that one.

Did you have an alternative name for Margo if she was a boy? No, we knew pretty early on if she was a boy? No, we knew pretty early on. Like, we had a list. Oh, okay. So,

it was gonna, like, if she was a boy, it was probably gonna be like Voltron. Mask. Yeah.

Cops with beard. Brave star. Is that the guy's name? I don't know. Two R's? It's a Care Bear, I think. I think it was a guy

who rode on like a metal horse in space i watched every show every show the thing with the care bears is for a long time it was just the care bears and then it seemed like that petered out and then they had to add uh non-bears into the other bears yeah like they were called the care Bear Cousins maybe? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was like a lion and maybe a penguin. Was there a penguin? Or am I making up?

I don't remember if there was a penguin. Are you thinking of Wuzzles? I don't remember what Wuzzles were. Were they a mix of animals? Yeah. Okay. It was Bumble Lion. And Care Bear Penguin.

I was going to ask, so you have like a list of leftover names that you didn't use. I guess that's probably somewhere. Do you feel like you could name a future child one of those names? Or are those names off the table? Oh, no. We could probably. Yeah, yeah. Oh, like you could go back into the list?

Yeah, yeah. That list wasn't a special one-time list. No. I'm not sure where it is. Right. I hope it's backed up electronically. Do you think that's kind of weird, though? Like, if your parents had, like, a daughter after you and named her Madeline, even though you were supposed to be Madeline?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, although I think they, if I have this correctly, they had an alternative name for both of my brothers because they really wanted a daughter. Yeah. And they failed. They failed hard. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. There's three boys and then out. They gave up. Yeah. My parents took one more gamble at it and they got a girl. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, see, that was the. So they but both of my brothers Also had different Names ready to go Yeah girl name But mine They didn't pick out A boy name for me

They only had The girl name And then when I was born They were like Great Did they do tests Or like ultrasounds Or anything

I don't think so Is that new technology How long have we been Able to know What a baby's going to be? I have no idea. They definitely had it a year and a half ago. Yeah, that's a good question.

Because the only, maybe there was a movie where somebody was getting an ultrasound in the 90s. Junior. Yeah, that's the one. But yeah, oh boy, I do not know how old that technology is at all. I'm really stuffing you guys with these questions. Yeah, well, we're not experts. I don't even know if there was a penguin Care Bear. I'm pretty sure there was, though.

Maybe it was called Frosty. Sure. Maybe it was called Frosty. Sure. I know eventually after I stopped watching Transformers that they had dinosaur Transformers. Oh, yeah. They transformed into dinosaurs. I mean, or out of.

Wow. Yeah, that's true. That was a great thing about Transformers. To cars? I don't know. I was out by then. No, they were robots that instead of changing into cars, they changed into robots. Or dinosaurs. Robots that changed into other robots.

Slightly different robots. Dave, what's going on with you, man? Oh, boy. Very little. Did I mention I went into that rumbling seat movie? Yep. Okay. Here are some topics.

Today on The View, a list of hot topics um one uh speaking of tv shows uh abby a couple weeks ago was watching this thing called the great british british bake-off oh yeah oh i love it have you watched it yeah Yeah, I watched the big finale of this past season when I was in London. It was on. Oh, okay. And I kid you not, I looked out the window at one point, and it was like London was abandoned. Everyone was watching this make-up? Yeah.

Oh, my God. It sounds up my alley. Oh, if you've never seen it, it's outstanding. It's on Netflix, and it's a reality show, but not in the sense of like the way they do reality shows here where, because I didn't watch the whole thing. I would just sort of wander in and out of the room. Yeah. Well, I'm, I'm a Roomba. That's what you transform into.

But it's not in like some flashy studio. It's all out in a tent in a field. Yeah, it's out in a field in a nice. The elements. Yeah, yeah. It's not in like a tiny, in a tiny tent. Like a two man tent. But it's also like there's so little, like on North American reality shows, they will learn the person's life story.

They will visit with their sick aunt. They will learn about all, you know, where they got their name from, what other names their parents had lined up for them. On this one, like, oh, I know this guy is a construction worker, but that's all you know. And like, you only know that because he's got a pencil behind his ear the whole time. So he's... And they call him a builder. But it's also...

It's like the antithesis of the American style kind of cooking show where everybody has to tell their crazy story or who they're doing this for or whatever. And it's just like three people who like to bake. Yeah. That's the whole story.

Yeah. And they're all just like wearing Crocs, walking in this weird tent. Yeah. And it's like a season long thing. Yeah. Sort of like, like a arc. Like, are there different, are there different people every time? No, it's the same people, but that's not, you don't, like, build up challenges.

Like, there are challenges. But they're not challenges where it's like, here's how you fuck up your money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like you don't win a, like, there's no, like, interim, you can win a car today. No, yeah, it's just like today you're going to make a custard. Like, that's what the challenge is. They're like, fuck yeah. Yeah.

Today it's all about sponge cake. But don't say cake we just call it sponge so what's the the but this is great this is it's oh it's yeah i i like it a lot yeah it's good because i love this kind of thing but i i like i don't know it's you're not you're making it sound pretty mundane well but that's that's what I think that's great about it. Yeah. Is because, like, I'll watch, you know, like, Cutthroat Kitchen or even Chopped. It's like, when you watch it, if you watch two episodes back to back, you're like, boy, they really pump a lot of dramatic tension into a thing that there is no need for it. Like, will they get done on time?

Yes. They always do. Maybe somebody doesn't play it properly, but that's fine. They can still come back from that. Yeah. So this is just like you get to see stuff that's made nicely. And then the judges just go like, yeah, it was nice. Here's what you could have improved.

Oh, I like that thing you did. Yeah. It tastes really good. There's one guy who always zigs and zags where he'll go, and he'll look really serious. He'll taste it, and he'll look really serious, and he'll go, you know, Barb. You've done it. And then everybody, yeah! Yeah, I don't know, man.

I don't get how, because those people are like, the people judging them are really good bakers? Or they're just good at tasting food. Yeah, good food tasters. I'm pretty good at that, too. Yeah, I could do that. I could do it, but I don't think I could offer any, like, I'd be like, that was good. Or I didn't like that.

Oh, yeah, I could taste it was orangy-er. Did you put orange in it? It's pretty orangy. Is there booze in this? It tastes boozy. This cake was really soft. Yeah. It tastes soft. Yeah. It tastes soft.

Yeah, it tastes soft. It was easy on my fork. What temperature did you cook it at? Ooh, that's hot. I wouldn't want to be in that temperature. And you made this whole thing without wearing a chef's hat. Wow. I love, I love like British decorum in that kind of situation too

just like they're very I can imagine very like calm collected and it's all a lot about class

like oh are you from the aristocracy oh no okay well we'll see about that have you okay you're a member of the proletariat

okay let's see how your food tastes but it also I would say the difference between that show Okay, you're a member of the proletariat. Okay, let's see how your food tastes. But it also, I would say the difference between that show and then the kind of its American counterparts is the food always looks so delicious. Yeah. But in the American ones, it's like, yeah, it looks delicious given that you had to make it, you know, while wearing a pot on your head because of the challenge or whatever. Or you had to you know only use spam yeah yeah yeah like cranberries yeah pretzels spam berries there is a bit like that is a big thing in like restaurants and and stuff of i don't know if it's just where it comes from if it comes from these reality shows of like you have to use a weird ingredient to like dare people to eat it yeah like there's a place i go that has uh

vinegar ice cream right like balsamic vinegar is a part of the ice have you tried it no because it's uh vinegar yeah like uh yeah there's uh there's a like a fairly well-known gelato place in town, and they have, like, crazy flavors that they do. And, like, I've tried them, and they taste like the thing they're supposed to taste like. But I don't, like, I'm like, is it just so that you could do it? Yeah. You're like, here's a jalapeno-flavored ice cream. You're like, it is. Mm-hmm.

Sure is. Nailed it. I'll have chocolate. Thank you. Yeah, do you guys carry, it is. Sure is. Nailed it. I'll have chocolate. Thank you. Yeah, do you guys carry vanilla? Yeah. I'll have a tiny spoonful of the weird one and a cone of a regular. You can always tell, too, when you go to a gelato place,

because they have those, like, trays of the stuff, which one's, like, the hot flavor and which one is, like, just getting sampled and nobody's actually buying. It's the tiniest spoon tangerine pickle not selling like you thought it would guacamole there um and the other thing that's going on with me is that my neighborhood is under attack oh by coyotes oh no get out your beautiful neighborhood I know right Yesterday It might have been Because it was garbage day yesterday Oh they love it

They love it like I love Sean McComber Oh boy Yesterday morning I went out I had to take my Car My car

Someone hit and run it Hit it and ran Oh really In a parking lot And so i had to take it in and uh get a uh rental um while it's in the shop but a uh yeah so they i went out to the car in the morning and there was a coyote just like halfway up the street and i was like hmm what do i know about nature what do do I do with it? Like, this isn't just a skinny dog, right?

Yeah, you checked its belly to see if it was a Care Bear affiliate. Care Coyote. It was. It was a rabid bear. Garbage bear. Yeah. And then I, so what I did is, like, it didn't see me. So what I did is I stamped my feet

Oh, yeah, and it's just I would see you well just sort of scare it off Acknowledge my presence animal so I stamped my foot and it flinched and but it didn't do anything And I was so I started stamping the louder and like walked a little bit towards it and it just calmly started walking towards me And so I got back in my yard and closed the fence. Peeking over the fence. And then I noticed it had a friend.

That's why it was so confident. Also a coyote? No, just a guy. Yeah, just a drifter. A guy wearing a lot of chains around his body. It's like a cool cartoon character, comic book gentleman. And so, yeah, so this coyote, yeah, they just started, they went somewhere else.

They crossed the street, but like, and so eventually I got back in my car. You walked. Yeah. Got picked in my car. And then like three hours later, no one had walked the dog yet. So I walked the dog and went around the neighborhood, like down four blocks, across two blocks, back up four blocks, came back to our place here. And the same two coyotes standing in the same spot. Oh, shit.

That's their hangout now. By our garbage. This sounds like a vicious attack on the neighborhood. Yeah. Right. And, uh, Oh,

they're just so, I don't know if it's genetic that they're like scraggly or if it's just hard, hard living. I think it's hard living. If you're a coyote, that's like this far into the city. Cause it's like their tails are all cragged up and like they've got dreadlocks. Yeah, they've probably got like some mange.

Yeah, mad mange. But like, you know, they walk and the fur bounces funny off of them. Yeah. Like flaps of skin. I, well, because in Calgary, you'd see they would be everywhere, coyotes. But my, like, my house was, like, across.

You're from Calgary? Yeah, yeah. I didn't know that. Coyote town. Do your research. Yeah, no kidding. But, like, our house, like, was across a road from, like, a big park. From a dump?

No, but, like, the coyotes from the park, they looked quite good in comparison to the ones that I've seen here in the city. Sure. So I think like if you're like in a park, then coyote life's okay. But if you're like, I don't know how to get back to the park.

When you went on the first date with a guy in the park, was it a coyote? Yeah. Yeah, but he was like really, he was a good looking park coyote. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Real glossy fur. Real wily? Yeah. Yeah, but he was like really, he was a good looking park coyote. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Real glossy fur. Real wily.

Yeah. He had found a garbage can with dry shampoo in it. And so, yeah, I got back with my dog and he's like a 25 pound dog. Yeah. He basically, to them, he's just like a roast with like four legs. Like they're picturing like you walking a turkey on a leash. So I had to pick him up and shield him and walk around a bunch of cars and wait for them to leave. I could picture Grandpa cartoonishly jumping into your jacket and then his head popping out.

You likes. He's a big Scooby. He's a tiny Scooby Doo. Yeah. Oh, man. man also these coyotes were but are they are they are they knocking over the trash can and just having snacks no the trash cans are real they're like uh coyote proof yeah they're pretty pretty uh rumbunctious. Rugged. Yeah. But I don't. Yeah.

So there's like maybe people are leaving other stuff out. Or if you're like some of my roommates, you pile garbage high on the trash can so that raccoons can just jump on top of it and throw garbage everywhere. And the trucks won't accept them anyway. Yeah. So if the lid's not closed. I've heard from past episodes. It won't be disp anyway. Yeah. If the lid's not closed. I've heard from past episodes. It won't be disposed. Thank you, Johnny.

You've got new roommates, right? No, this was a while ago. It's a constant. People coming and going. Leaving their shampoo. Yeah, it's a real... I was going to say Janis Joplin situation, but, you know, probably.

What did you mean? Yeah, I was trying to think of a place in San Francisco where a lot of hippies like... Hate Ashbury? Yeah, that's what I think.

But then I was like, Janis Joplin. Anyways, it got really confused in my head. But I don't know how that would apply to your roommates. Oh, there used to be

these, like, apartments where, like uh there's all these famous people but they just keep coming and going he described it he said it hide ashbury yeah yeah yeah i don't know but i but i don't know i didn't know how that applied to it no they're like in that era there were like these apartment buildings where like the grateful dead lived on one floor and the next floor it was like Lynyrd Skynyrd lived upstairs and they would just all move in and out. Do you mean Jefferson

Airplane? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I meant. Lynyrd Starship. The Hell's Angels lived on the third floor. Yeah. Anyways,

I'm sure I've read about this somewhere. Sure. So yeah, that's me fighting coyotes and watching the Great British Bake Off

sometimes. Some of the time, but not all of the time. What's going on with you? Oh, boy. I had something and now I've lost it to the... Yeah. Oh, well. I'm sure I'll be able to pick something up.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, there's these coyotes in my neighborhood. Do you have coyotes? No, I think we, like, my house is. A very, very, very fine house. It very much is. It's under pretty constant attack from raccoons.

Like, the raccoons, one night I, like, I heard this crazy sound. I don't know. I still don't know what it was that that was making the sound but i opened the door on the like back staircase and there were three raccoons and they did not even move a muscle like they just sat there like and what are you gonna do yeah the one guy was flipping a coin in the corner i was like playing dice yeah but uh i just let them be i just said you know what but i don't know my garbage a sue garbage is there are the coyote would the coyotes be like this is this is raccoon turf not worth it for us uh yeah coyotes mine i don't know i think coyotes are just because in vancouver

there's some people that keep chickens in their backyard that's coyote paradise right is that legal here yeah for some reason i know people i know a guy in uh in grand prairie that's doing it illegally keeping chickens in the backyard i'm sure the Grand Prairie police have bigger fish to fry yeah well with all those farm murders exactly but this is

speaking of murders I you know you know like oh yeah I killed a guy yeah yeah yeah speaking of murders

you know me like late at night I like to I like to spook myself on the internet I like to spook myself on the internet. I like to find something real scary when it's just me all alone in the dark. And I found a thing last night. It was so scary.

Okay. It was a story. It's a true story about a group of Russian students in 1959. Soviets. Yeah. They were going through this pass on like this crazy hiking. Are you getting scared already? Yeah.

It's pretty scary, right? It was a group of 10, I think it was 10 guys, two women, all students were going on this like, it was something like a 12 day kind of trip all in. And they didn't show up on day 12 or 13 or 14. What about 15? 15? Nope. Oh, man.

So there was a big search. Graham? Day 16? Nope. Jumping ahead here. Day 28. By day 16, they had assembled search party, went on the trail that they went on, found the tent, found that the tent had been ripped apart from the inside. Oh. How did they figure that out?

Because of just the way that it was cut. It was like cut open from the inside. And all the footprints in the snow were bare. Everybody escaped in bare feet. Oh. And they started finding- Was it snowy? Was it-

Yeah, this is way up in the Russian mountains, so covered in snow. So they found bare footprints. But not bear prints. No, not bear prints. Not paw prints. And then they found two bodies at the base of a tree bare footprints. But not bear prints. No, not bear prints. Not paw prints. But, and then there was,

they found two bodies at the base of a tree and both of the bodies. Dead bodies? Dead, everybody they found was dead. Everybody from here on in that they find,

all dead. Okay, what about day 17? But, like, they, the two at the base of this tree

had tried to climb the tree to get away from something and didn't make it. And then they found, but they figured they had died of hypothermia. Sure. And then they found two other bodies also had died of hypothermia. And then they found three bodies that had died of blunt force trauma, but no bruising. So on the inside, blunt force force trauma but not on the outside and they were all uh had orange skin and their hair was gray and they had their uh clothing had

uh radiation on it like all of their clothing had been irradiated and they still to this day have no idea what the fuck happened when did this happen 1959 oh okay why well if it was recent like what orange skin

yeah right tanning yeah Dorito dust Cheeto dust uh anyways whoa

so spooky that's why you don't take food into the tent you don't eat Doritos in the tent as much as you want to. But I'm, like, I'm not an outdoorsman. But you handled those coyotes so well. With shoes on. That's true.

Well, I don't get how, if it's a place where you could get hypothermia, why are you sleeping barefoot? So that's a good, that's a good question. Maybe something took their shoes off. Oh, some kind of shoe monster. Did they find any shoes? Yeah, everything was in the tent. All their stuff had been left.

Are all 12 of the bodies accounted for? Yeah, everybody was accounted for. And the last bodies that they found had clothing that they had salvaged from other people who had died. Whoa. Yeah.

So like they had died later, but of the same thing. Ooh. Yeah. Right. So this is what's going on with you lately. Yeah. Well, I like to, I like finding a spooky thing late at night. Do you ever do that?

Just try and spook yourself out? No, I'm very easily scared. Are you scared now? Well, no. Well, try and remember it the next time you're camping. Yeah. Oh, no. Or the next time you're in Russia.

Is this an X-File? It would be a good X-File. You should write them. Write to the X-Files or to Russia? Both, I guess. Okay. To your Russia. I have a great idea for an X-File.

Yeah. Anyways, it was a real good spook story. Where did you watch this, on Netflix? This was on YouTube. You know what my brother has gotten really into is YouTubing Sasquatch. Oh, yeah. Don't go down that hole. Past guest Brent Butt is a big expert. Oh, really?

He has a Google Alert set for Sasquatch. expert. Oh, really? He has a Google Alert set for Sasquatch. There was talk that this was in the realm of the Sasquatch story. That's where I went with it. Yeah. But it seems to me...

It sounds like it was some sort of government they were testing some sort of weird something and these guys weren't supposed to be there. Yeah, like radioactive something. Parasite or something that

got into them and killed them from the inside. But they obviously knew something was coming in, that's why they

cut their way out of it. See, this is so spooky! Was it like a spooky documentary with reenactments? No,

but it had a lot of photos and a lot of spooky music. So you think when they... Does this incident have a name? The incident? Yeah. Can we look it up? It's a Russian name.

I don't know how to pronounce it. But it's the something, something... Twelve. Yeah. Something, something murders. You Twelve. Yeah. Something, something. Murders. You had a question. You there.

We have time for one more question. So you think something was coming into the tent and they got out of the tent? Because I assumed that, like. Yeah. I guess that makes sense. They cut their way out of the back of the tent. How big a tent? Like a great British baking off style?

No, but like big enough for 12 oh that's a big tent big big tent but the the one side had been all chopped through with you know some sort of like their knives or their axes or whatever on the opposite side of the opening of the tent so it's obviously, something was coming towards them and they had to get out. Isn't that crazy? It's so crazy. And like stuff, certain little like bits and bobs have been declassified over the years. And like,

they're in Russian, so no one can read them. Yeah. So no one can read. Now the Gorbachev is dead. Thanks for tearing down the wall. But they developed some of the, like a lot of the photos in the thing were taken by them, by that group on their trip. Groupon?

They were taken by Groupon. But there was a photo that was. Does Groupon still exist? I haven't heard about them in a long time. That's another spooky story. Whoa. Another spooky tale of Groupon sell these? I haven't heard about them in a long time. That's another spooky story. Another spooky tale of Groupon. I never got my cream puffs. But yeah, they said there was a photo taken that could be anything, though.

But it looks like some sort of orb that they took a photo of before. I'm more afraid of a Sasquatch than an orb. Well, it depends what's in the orb. And it depends on, are we talking about a friendly Sasquatch or a scary Sasquatch? I feel like I get a Sasquatch. It's like me. That's what's so scary about the orb. But like, what is it?

What is it? I don't even know an orb that I like. You know, like at least. But no, a Sasquatch is really scary. You don't even know an orb that I like. You know, like at least. But no, a Sasquatch does. You don't think it was Orbachov, do you? X-Files. So that's what, you know, I'm just. If anybody out there has a real good spook story that I can spook myself with.

Yeah, send Graham a YouTube. Yeah. Send us links yeah yeah but none of those things where it's uh where i have to turn up the volume really loud and then something just screams at me stare at this for 17 seconds yeah turn your volume all the way yeah but uh i do i like these uh you know like and then it was never nobody ever knew what happened hook hand Yeah Well everybody knew What happened there

And someone left a hook on there Yeah there was only One guy in town Who had hook hands Yeah And it was him Yeah he did it Did you ever find

One of those Like This is like Old internet It was like a They would guess What card you were Thinking of or something

And it was always I did it once with my cousin And it was always right So what You would have a deck of cards There was like a fake Deck of cards They would guess what card you were thinking of or something. And it was all I did it once with my cousin and it was always right. So what you would have a deck of cards. There was like a fake deck of cards on the computer. And I don't know, maybe maybe cards weren't even involved. But basically, you just had to like pick a number or and I guessed your name. It would be very easy to guess your card if cards weren't involved.

I think you just like say, you'd say something out loud. You're supposed to say it out loud and then it would guess it and it was just like, what the fuck? Can they hear me? I keep swearing.

I'm sorry. It's fine. I'm, yeah, I want to try it. We'll do it in the break. Also, there was,

yeah, I've learned some, I've read the words. I just haven't heard them out loud. Yeah. Did you read the thing? During the Super Bowl this year, a bunch of sites did the worst Super Bowl halftime shows of all time. And there was one about a guy that did the world's biggest card trick.

Oh. And he was this guy. He was called something. He was like Elvis Presley magician. Something, he was like Elvis Presley magician. And it was a thing where you picked a card like at home. And then like all these people on the field like spelled out which card it was. And it failed? No, it worked.

But people were like, what? Why are we doing this? Anyways, it's really weird. This was before they just decided to have put put like five music superstars on the same yeah i think this was the last of the like weird like oh up with people yeah yeah yeah this was the last of that and then now it's all but it was like 3d tech like everybody had to put on their 3d glasses at home and then pick a card and uh this guy got it but people were like i don't know fine yeah fine fine i guess i could have watched in living color

oh boy do we want to uh move on to overheard yeah a ring ring ring hello hello ross oh yes who is this hey ross it's planet earth oh hi planet earth I was calling because I was thinking about going to the Church of the Seven Sisters, but Ross, they're kind of kooky. You gonna go? No, I'm kind of nervous and I thought maybe you'd be the guy to call. I could do that. Yeah? Will you show up? I might even bring a friend.

Oh! You hang on, Planet Earth. Okay. And we'll get back to you. Ring, ring. Hello? Hey, Carrie, it's Ross. Hey, Ross. How's it going? You know what? I just got a call from the planet Earth, and they really want someone to look into the Church of the Seven Sisters. Oh, they seem kooky. We'll do it.

Yeah, you will. I think we should do it on our podcast. Oh, no, Ross and Carrie on the Maximum Fun Network. That's a great podcast. You know, the one where we look into different sorts of fringe science or- Spirituality. Spirituality, exactly. Claims of the paranormal.

That one, Ross. And we show up so you don't have to. You can find us on iTunes or at MaximumFun.org. Let's help planet Earth. The three of you enter a cave of a big red dragon and it's standing over a horde of precious golden rubies. And he says, what do you do, adventurers? I'm a dragon man. I cast fire on him. It's very good. I address the red dragon and say, us, we're the hosts of The Adventure Zone, a podcast about family playing Dungeons & Dragons.

Very good synergy. Commit to the bit. I roll to charm new listeners. It is very effective. Against all odds. Everybody, we're the Macroids. We host The Adventure Zone. It's a podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons together.

It's a comedy podcast. We don't take the rules too seriously because there's a lot of them, and we did not take the time to learn them. Maybe listen to us. We come out every other Thursday on the Maximum Fun Network. You can find us on iTunes or on MaximumFun.org. I think this promo's a critical hit. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Overheard. Overheard's a segment where we overhear the things and then, you know, we talk about them here on the old podcast. And we always like to start with the guest. Hi. Hello. Welcome. Thank you. Welcome back.

Welcome to this segment. Okay. Well, I have two. I don't know which one I want to do. You know what? It's up to you. thank you welcome back welcome to this segment um okay uh well I have two I don't know which one I want to do um you know what it's up to you

yeah one was my grandma and one was a stranger you can do both that's we'll we're fine with that is this the same grandma

who was mad you didn't want to bring the carpet mat with you she's a she's like she's a piece of work she's my favorite character so far today in my life she's a recurring of work she's my favorite character so far today

in my life she's a recurring theme you know my favorite characters coyotes oh yeah for me it's well I already said okay so I was staying

with my grandma Gorbachev I was staying with my grandma when I was visiting Grand Prairie and she lives in like a scenic place is it named after

is Grand Prairie named after grandma yes that makes sense was visiting Grand Prairie and she lives in like a senior's. Is it named after, is Grand Prairie named after grandma? Yes. That makes sense. She lives in like a senior's community, apartment building. So that's like,

it's not a, like a nursing home. They just, it's just all seniors. And she really wanted to make pierogies one day. And so she, but she didn't have any onions. So she borrowed, she like called her friend and

went and borrowed some onions and i was in the bathroom and she was just for one very unimpressed with the quality of these onions oh boy and i was in the bathroom and i overheard her calling her friend and i just heard her side of the conversation but she was she's like uh hi pearl yeah no thank you yeah i got thank, I got the onions. Thank you. I was just wondering if you just got the onions or if you've had them now for a while. Oh, you just got them.

Or sorry, you got them a while ago. Well, good, good. Because if you just got them, I was going to tell you to take them back and get your money back. But no, no, no. Yeah, no, no. Thank you.

I mean, I'm taking it out of the garbage right now. I don't want them in the house. I also like that story because Pearl is a type of onion. Oh, yeah. And a type of old woman. Everything happens in an onion universe. Oh, yeah. You didn't disclaim that at the beginning.

This all takes place in the onion universe. Yeah, yeah. Everyone is crying. What are other types of onions? Red. Spanish. Sweet. Yellow. White. Red delicious.

Granny Smith. Granny Smith. Grand Prairie. Green. Shallots. I'm out of onions. Was she making pierogis from scratch No

Oh okay Frying them up Chimos Frying them up Some chimos Yeah yeah With some onion Fun

There's Funions That's another one That's another type of In Edmonton There's a Pierogi plays in a Food court

That bears my name Yeah The Shumka Pierogi Really So Look for that next time yeah next time you're in town there's a lot of ukrainians oh yeah don't i know the times i've been like kielbasa sausage for everyone i guess i don't know i'm not really in touch with my heritage um and was it you it was you last night that was telling the joke about eating a whole head

of cabbage oh yeah yeah that that was such a like ambitious project it is though oh man like after i've had two spoonfuls of cabbage i'm like that's enough for 2016 like no more cabbage well and you cut it up and you like you only need need a cup or something for a recipe. And you've only used like a 16th of the cabbage. It just explodes. And then you have it in your fridge for a long time. For so long. And how do you know if it's bad?

Well, I think you can tell. But I have this. They're not like onions that your grandmother has. No. These ain't your grandma's onions. Oh, man. She was upset about that. I always have stuff that's like, you know, fruits and vegetables that I keep in my fridge.

And I don't remember when I used the thing. And so I see it in the fridge and I'm not sure whether it's good or not. So what I do is I just wait a few more days and then I'm sure it's bad. Like, it's getting thrown out regardless, but I'm just putting it off. Yeah, yeah. I also don't know when, like, I pick up something at the grocery store, except avocados. I'm pretty good at sensing that. Oh, yeah, yeah.

But everything else, I have no idea if it's, like, a good. And peaches, they don't want you to squeeze. Like, I've seen signs of. Like the Charmin? Yeah, but it's, that's and peaches they don't want you to squeeze like i've seen signs like the charming yeah but it's that's that's how i can tell i could see though because like a lot of people probably like they don't have your gentle touch yeah they're really getting in there squeezing the peach is that a good name for a song squeezing the peach oh it's i feel like it's something that your boss does my boss is really squeezing my peeps. She's really squeezing my peaches?

Yeah. Something in a Steve Miller band song. Sure. Now you had another overheard? No, I want to talk more about cabbage. Oh, sure. Because the Mexican place a couple blocks up. Yeah, they'll throw cabbage into something.

In everything. It's the worst. But you have to. Why? Because there's so much of it. Yeah, they're like, what else. In everything. It's the worst. But you have to. Why? Because there's so much of it. Yeah, they're like, what else are they going to do with that cabbage? It ruled, and honestly, like every meal for like three weeks was like Googling cabbage recipes. What did you end up making?

Coleslaw? I didn't want to go that basic. Well, pardon me. Yeah. I used it. What did I do with it? Cabbage rolls? Cab, pardon me. Yeah. I used it. What did I do with it? Cabbage rolls? Cabbage rolls seems like a no-brainer.

I guess it was a kind of cool stuff. But those just take a leaf per roll. Yeah. You're not going to get very deep. No, you can't be making those many. Is there anything like a potato gun, like a cabbage gun, that you could go fire at your neighbor's cats? Or dogs.

Or coyotes. Your neighbor's coyotes? Don't discriminate there. Your neighbor's that weird guy wearing a chain that I imagined? I'm imagining Junkyard Dog, the wrestler. Oh, I was imagining the comic book character Spawn. Oh. He has a lot of chains.

But also Jacob Marley was the other guy I was thinking of. Yeah. And Mr. T also wears chains. Different kinds. Oh, man Mr. T also wears chains. Different kind. Oh, man. Chain wears throughout history. Now, you had another overheard? Mm-hmm.

Okay. I was on the streetcar, and there was a really beautiful girl. She was just gorgeous, and she was just dressed very nice. Tell me more about it. She was wearing, like... Where was this? It was in Toronto. me more about it. She was wearing like. Where was this? It was in Toronto. Oh, darn it.

She was wearing like aviator style glasses. Like that was, they were just regular glasses, but that was like, like, did your dad wear like big giant glasses in the 80s? Like aviator style, but they're for vision. They're not sunglasses. Yeah, they were for vision. And she was talking to her friend and we're going by a park also this is this story is in the park universe back to the park city and utah and she was like um is this the park all the hipsters always hang out in

i think this is the park all the hipsters always hang out in. Anyway, I hope somebody buys my art. Did you have a stand-up? Like an easel? On the bus? Or on the streetcar? Do you always find it jarring when you see somebody very good looking on public transit? They must have a horrible personality. Why isn't someone giving them a ride? why isn't someone giving them a ride yeah i always find it why hasn't somebody given them a car yeah yeah i always find

it so i don't know why it just always catches me off guard when i see somebody that i'm like oh this this doesn't track at all yeah like it's um it doesn't happen often, but when it does happen, I find it so jarring. Well, yeah, she was just like, I mean, she was pretty, but mostly what like stood out about her was just like how well put together she was. But with like. Even seeing that on trends, it's pretty unsettling. And you're like. Are you choosing to do this? Yeah.

Yeah. Like just to live in that person's mind for a day. Like they're put together for now until they're there. You know, when they, by the time they get off, they're covered in nacho cheese and toenail clippings. Anywhere I go, when I get off the bus, if I, if wherever I arrive, I arrive my first thing is always to wash my hands I always go like oh yeah yeah

like but as if I'm like like I just delivered a baby calf like out of my way wash my hands yeah when I took the bus to work

it would be like I would I would have to go to the bathroom so badly but it was like gotta wash my hands first yeah yeah yeah cause

god knows what I cause you know I'm not washing my hands afterwards. Although washing your hands first does make a lot of sense in general. Yeah. Because your stuff's covered up all day. Yeah. Bundled. Swathed in swaddling clothes.

Well, yeah. Layed in a manger. Mine is bundled. It came with my cell phone and my cable. That's what I call putting on underwear. But my baby in the manger. Dave, do you have an overheard? Sure.

Okay. I think I mentioned this restaurant last week where it's a Jamaican restaurant right up the street. And the owner is very talkative. And he'll always, you walk in and he'll have, you have to answer his quips. Working hard? Hardly working. A lot of emotional work. Answer me these quips three.

And, oh, what was, yeah, I think the exact thing every time. It's like he doesn't remember me. But I've got the rhythm down. The rhythm. Let's see what's up. Oh, my goodness. I hope you do this in an accent. And so, like, I go in.

This isn't the, but, like, I'll go in and say, can I get some Jamaican patties? And he'll say, how many dozen do you want? And I'll say, ha ha ha, just two please. And what kind? He'll say, and I'll say chicken. And he'll say, what did you call me? That's fun. Yeah.

Anyway, so I was in there the other day. And also every time you go in, he has you're if it's your first time in this restaurant he has to tell you about the mascot of the restaurant he has to give you like a two minute speech when you're done eating and this weird handshake this is absolutely true have you done it no no no i've never because i don't think there's anything in there for me is everything's meat it's got a vegetarian stuff but i think your stories about having to answer all the quips uh i was just like i can't i don't want it but uh anyway so the the people that were in there already like the guy had to send someone else

to deal with me because he was in the middle of this speech with these people uh who were by the way this overheard is a zero. And it was a man and a woman from Germany were in the restaurant and they were talking to the guy. A cultural fusion. I know, right? Germany, Jamaica, Canada. And they were talking to him and they were musicians and he was telling his son. His son was there as well.

My son's a rapper. You guys should talk. Oh, boy. And these guys are in a band. And he took out their card. They're in a band from Germany. They're called Stereo Face. It just seemed like it was just the name of the band made me laugh. Because it was like a TV writer has to write a band into a show.

I don't know. They're called Stereo Face. Whatever. It's not important. We just mention them once. Oh, Mom, I want to go to the Stereo Face concert. I would love. Obviously, there's got to be a website that has this, but all of the bands and musical artists that have ever been mentioned mentioned on law and order all the fake oh yeah

because man oh man did they come up with some great they come up with a lot of like fake websites and apps yeah yeah yeah they have to come up with uh that's probably speed weed does all of those things it's probably his department who is talking about speed weed is it a real person that was us we were talking maybe it's a new Alan Smithy. Yeah. Like, you don't like the script. Have you ever watched, have you ever seen like the first 10 minutes of NCIS or CSI or Law and Order? Like often it's written by someone named Speedweed.

Really? Which is on this episode 420, a man to be celebrated. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But yeah, his like. I celebrate him once a day. Between 4. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But yeah, his like... I celebrate him once a day. Between 4.10 and 4.30. Anyway, so yeah, that was my overhook.

Stereo face? Stereo face. Yeah. I don't know. But it's not, it's like Radiohead. It's basically just a patterned, it's like, what's an instrument and what's a part of your body? It's like half, it's like they couldn't use Radiohead.

Oh, I don't know, Stereo Face. Oh, there's already a band called Radiohead? Yeah, for like 25 years. Fine. My overheard is another, it was same as same as yours. An interaction with, uh, somebody, uh, customer service staff. I went to this, uh, it's like this really super nice bakery. Like it's crazy how beautiful all the food is, uh, is down on like Hastings street or, and, uh, anyways, I walked in, I was like, so blown away by how

delicious everything looked. And then the guy behind the counter was like, I was like so blown away by how delicious everything looked and then the guy behind the counter was like I was like oh I'll get this sandwich and he's like also you should try our bagels they're as good as the ones in Montreal and I was like okay and he's like I swear you won't be able to tell the difference and I

was like why the fuck is this guy hitting the bagel thing so hard it's cause I was wearing this shirt that has a bagel on it and says Montreal. Like this guy's like, oh, bagel aficionado. Okay. Man the stations. We're really going to wow him with our bagel facts. Did you get that shirt in Montreal or was it a gift?

No, this, yeah, I got it in Montreal. I bought it as a gift for Alicia Tobin, but it's too big. Not too big, not too small, just the size of Montreal. That's right. I have that shirt, and a guy I had a crush on gave it to me. And then he gave me that shirt, and I was just like, well, this is it. Like, this is it. It's now or never.

Welcome to my life. Yeah. How did it work out? Why? What happened? Bagel fire. Died in a bagel fire. I don't think he liked me as much as I liked him. I didn't give him a bagel shirt.

Sounds like he liked you. He bought you that bagel shirt. No, it was like a shirt he had. Like an extra shirt. And you were topless at the time. Put something on. Gross. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, well.

Graham, is that it for overheards? No, no, no. We also have overheards that are sent in to us from around the world. If you want to send one in, you can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org. You bought Alicia Tobin a shirt that fits you? Here's what happened. How did you make that mistake? I went into the place because it's a bagel place.

It's not a shirt place. And I just said, can I have a shirt? And they just gave it to me and it was all shrink wrap. Oh. And then I just hopped in the cab. Did you have to pay for it? Yeah, yeah. Oh, give me a shirt.

Here you go. You were wearing a balaclava at the time. Give me all your shirts. And so I didn't check the size. Well, I said I needed a, I said what size I wanted, but it wasn't the size. They spoke French only. Yeah, well, and they were like, you know, you're just going to go back to Vancouver to that bagel place that claims it's so good. Now, this first one.

Did you get the bagel? No. Oh, okay. But I literally, I walked out of there like why is this guy fucking hammer and then i looked down i was like oh my shirt um that's why i only wear hard rock cafe shirt oh i only wear uh usually planet hollywood it's as good as the planet hollywood in montreal I doubt that, sir. I recently went on their website to see how many were left.

There's only like six of them left in the world. Oh, Planet Hollywood? Yeah. Don't they have, do they still have a casino in Las Vegas? Yeah, that's still going. They have a couple like small, like there's two in England and one of them is like really small. It's more like a Planet Hollywood cafe. Weren't there a few, like, was there a sports-themed?

Like, after Planet Hollywood started, there was, like, an all-star, you know. Oh, yeah. Plus, there's the athlete cafe, and then there was, like, a fashion cafe that was all models that invested. Yeah, and they freeze-dried some models. And they're all the same menu. Yeah. You know, potato skins. Yeah, and they freeze-dried some models. And they're all the same menu. Yeah. You know, potato skins. Yeah. Chili fries.

A burger. So this first overheard comes from Chris in Thunder Bay. I was sitting at the Curling Clubs bar. This is a Canadian. Oh, absolutely. And overheard from the other table, I look up Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction daily. Wow.

Yeah, you'd think you'd be able to just, you know, bookmark it for the very least. Or set, like, some kind of... Google alert? Yeah, is there an app that'll just email it to you every day? So that you don't have to search it? Yeah. Or, like, set it as you every day? So that you don't have to search it? Yeah. Or set it as your alarm clock? I'm gonna have you

naked by the end of this song. Oh no! Yeah. It was a scandalized song. It was such a malfunction too. No one was expecting that. Oh yeah, that's also what happened at the end of that Super Bowl

card trick thing the guy's penis fell out of his pants but he was wearing a weird it had your card on it oh yeah yeah that's not bad that seems like a fun thing

that you could go see in Vegas the jack off clubs and you're like no it's the two of diamonds I actually am wearing one of those Clubs. And you're like, no, it's the two diamonds. I actually am wearing one of those sparkly pasties right now. I wear one every day on my nipple just in case.

Just in case somebody rips your shirt off. Smart. It's better to be with one when you need it. I need one and not want one. Then I have one and like one. Exactly. I took the words and like one. Exactly. It took the words right out of my mouth. This next one comes from Ed M. Parts unknown.

My wife and I were sitting on the edge of the fountain in our town square. Doing it. On the other side of the fountain were two preteen boys bent over a piece of paper jotting down a note they were giggling and constantly checking over their shoulder boy one what should i put boy two single and ready to mingle boy one no no no we should put single and ready for someone's pringle pringle singular singular? Yeah. Pringular? What do you think?

They were writing a note. They were going to slide under somebody. They knew their door or something. They were going to put it maybe on somebody's back. Yeah. Or they were going to frame someone into being single. Yeah. And ready for a Pringle.

Single. Never called my genitals a pringle, but you know what? They are made from potato flakes. Compressed potato flakes. Yeah, they're... Man, what a world.

If there were pringles, if our genitals were pringles, they would all be the same shape and size. If our genitals were pringles, we'd all be single. We'd all have one hell of a Christmas. This last one comes from Marion A.

That's a fun name. Marion? Mm-hmm. Pearl? Barb? Marion? These are all great names. I am a teacher in an international middle school in Copenhagen, Denmark.

And during art class, second grader. What makes a middle school international? Maybe they're kids from all over the world. Oh, that's what it is. I think it's, yeah, it's like a curriculum that is recognized worldwide. Oh. Whatever city you're in, you can send your kids to the international school. That's amazing.

Okay. Yeah, it kind of makes sense, right? Very sorry, Marion. Oh, no, don't. Yeah, don't worry. Don't apologize to Marion. Yeah, please. Is it the baccalaureate, international baccalaureate?

Is that a thing? I don't know. I don't know what the word is you're saying. Sounds like a thing, yeah. Pretty good, though, right? Sounds like somebody who doesn't know how to pronounce bachelor. Yeah. Is it baccalaureate?

Ready for my Pringle uh so this is during art class second graders one of the kids came to tell me uh that one of the boys had said a bad word i asked what the bad word was and the kid spelled it for me s-e-x behind me i overheard the foul-mouthed kid telling his friend, do you know emeralds? They're some kind of diamonds. I just love them so much, I want to sex them. Whoa! Yeah, right?

Well, first of all, how does the kid know about emeralds? I know about emerald. Oh, and I want to sex him. Bam! But emeralds, they're not a kind of diamond no they're a gem they're they're green this kid's all mixed up although i wonder if it's like because uh goldfinger from the james bond movie he's like in love with gold is this kid gonna be

a super villain who's in love with emeralds? Yeah. And just like, well. Did Goldfinger want to have sex with Gold? I think so. Did he? I mean, he wouldn't turn it down. He wouldn't turn his nose up at Gold. To sex it. He'd turn his pringle up at it. No, I don't think.

I think that's Gold member from Austin Powers loved Gold so much. Oh, is that what it was? Because I believed you. But I haven't seen Goldfinger, so. So, what do you think of that? Yeah. I've only seen Gold Member. Yeah, and he loved gold.

Oh, and like, Gold Member would imply that. Oh, and he did. And he did. It was gold. Yeah. So, he sexes with gold. I guess so. Maybe that's the kid.

Ah. The kid has an emerald penis. We cracked it. Debunked. Debunked. A kid with an emerald penis. Debunked. Now, in addition to words that are written in, we also accept your phone calls.

If you would like to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328 like these people have we all know the myth of the kid with the emerald penis this is one of the things you spook yourself okay here's your phone calls hi this is elizabeth from tor Toronto calling up in Overheard. So I'm at the park with my son, and this mom was clearly ready to go home, and her children were not, so she said, okay, so I'm going to go home, and I'll have some hot tea and some steamed green beans ready for you when you come home. And both of her children just looked at her like she was insane.

when you come home. And both of her children just looked at her like she was insane. All right, well, I'm just going to go and the green beans will be ready. Yes, I live in the park now, Mom.

Yeah, I'm going to use the steam from the tea to steam those green beans. It's going to be a real... Nothing's going to go to waste. The windows are just going to be steamed up when you get home. Everything's going to be gross and steamy.

Make sure you run over tea and green beans. Yeah, the ceiling's going to be dripping with green vapor. My mascara will be running. Welcome home. Anyway, come along, kids. Come along, your favorite snack. More for me. Hot tea and beans.

Another Toronto call from the park. That's all Toronto is. Everybody's been evicted. Here we go. Next phone call. Hey, Dave Graham and possible guest. This is Marcus T. calling from Austin, Texas. I was just at an apartment leasing center and I overheard one of the agents giving their spiel to some new

residents. And they were sitting in some kind of funny looking chairs, I guess. And the woman says to the two people, she's like, oh, funny story about these chairs. They were actually in the movie Bridesmaids. And the people said that was pretty cool. And then she says,

well, not these chairs, just one's life. Oh, wow. Anyway, you already signed a lease. Yeah. Somebody told me this is a topic

of conversation. This is a real conversation starter. So somebody told me this is a topic of conversation this is a real conversation starter so uh anyways this is uh you know that movie where everyone gets diarrhea these are the chairs they sat in i mean not these chairs no but oh no so sadly these actual chairs uh these aren't these these chairs contain diarrhea like in the movie Bridesmaids. Yeah, I don't remember any notable chairs. That would be a thing where you'd take the screen grab and then frame it above the chairs and be like, see? I remember in Knocked Up, they went to Vegas and they had a bunch of different chairs in the same room, and that was a topic.

Yeah. No, that was 40-Year-Old Virgin, wasn't it? Or not 40-Year-Old Virgin. Was it Knocked Up? Knocked Up virgin was it knocked up oh yeah you sorry you said knocked up i thought you said the hangover i heard vegas i heard vegas and i thought hangover what are some of the most famous movie chairs oh boy um the recliner from that horrible uh that scary movie the recliner i can't think why can't I think of a famous movie chair? Surely there's a villain's chair that's notable. I know, Goldfinger wore it.

He had a gold chair of some sort that he liked having sex with when nobody was watching. James Bond's chair. Do you think people, like... People are screaming at their iPhones right now yeah they're like the chair

from that movie the throne famous throne the king's throne speech I don't know what a famous famous chair your thoughts Claire

oh well your name rhymes with chair I do that is actually going back to the Claire Bear thing, more people in my life call me Claire Chair than Claire Bear. Good.

Yeah. I was also thinking during the dare segment how that rhymes. Claire Dare. I can remember so many chairs from TV shows, but not from movies. Yeah, that's what I keep thinking of. No, I'm limiting it to famous movie chairs. I'm Googling famous movie chairs. I mean, Fraser's dad had a recliner.

Yep, he liked that chair. Roseanne, they had a couch, maybe a chair. I think Roseanne Moore had a famous Afghan more than anything. Famous movie chairs. Batman had a chair? Huh? Did Batman have a chair? Yeah, I mean's there's the 10

greatest chairs in tv and film history game thrones is one uh yeah that throne but that's tv though yep i wonder if bridesmaids made the list that's it's number one uh come on screen rant imagine like taking oh the egg chair from Men in Black? Yeah, okay. Oh, those are good. Those are pretty good. Oh, that was a good scene. Hover chairs and WALL-E.

I didn't watch that far. Have you seen WALL-E? Yeah. Yeah. You know, the chairs that all... You didn't watch that far? It was on a plane. Okay.

And I was like, nope. But, yeah, the ones that, you know, all the humans on the ship. Those are good chairs. Oh, Xerxes' throne in the movie 300. That was a pretty good chair. I don't know it. Oh, Thorn of Gondor from Lord of the Rings. Boo.

Well, I don't know. These aren't that famous. Odin's throne in Thor. Oh, but there was something in Beauty and the Beast. Like a I don't know. These aren't that famous. Odin's throne in Thor. Oh, but there was something in Beauty and the Beast. Like a singing chair? Yeah. Probably was. Skip ahead.

Oh, the red leather wingback chair from The Matrix that he sits in in the all-white room. That's a pretty... There's no famous chairs before like 1998? The Emperor's Throne in Star Wars. Did this list start. Did you start the list with number one? Because I feel like that egg chair was the most memorable to me. No, number one was the Emperor's Chair in Star Wars.

I guess that's fair. It's a pretty good chair. The Emperor's New Chair. But I think we all really got psyched about the egg chair from Men in Black. That was one that we all recalled. Oh, that was such a funny scene when he can't figure out how to write. Oh, man. You guys know what I'm talking'm talking about yeah and then he moves the table yeah yeah it shows aptitude i wonder if that table made the list of top tables oh yeah table table forum oh guys we're gonna start uh like a movie furniture podcast

today we break down the top ten lamps in film Ooh, probably the one from The Christmas Story Oh yeah, I was thinking the one from Anchorman He loved lamps Oh yeah, oh this is fun We can do lamps so much Yeah, the Pixar lamp that jumps out of the air And there must have been a singing

Well, there was a candelabra, Lumiere Alright, here's your final overheard of 2016. Hi, this is Claire in San Luis Obispo with an overheard. I was just in a public restroom in a restaurant and waiting in line for one of the stalls to be

available when a little girl like maybe seven years old slammed the door open and bounced out of the stall and went, revenge! That's what I do every time I go. Take that, public area. Do you wash your hands before?

Before? During and after. Oh, wow. Yeah, before, then I have some wet naps. You have a little bidet next to you. Yeah, a portable bidet. It's very hard to connect to

people's plumbing, but it's worth it. Girl, I want to pee with you. Fun. Bidet. And all of the night. Thank you. Hey, you're welcome. That's why they call us the Spoofsters. Well, that brings us to the end of this here podcast. I know.

Did it ever have to end? No. Eventually. Claire, what's coming up? What would you like to plug? Coming hot down the pipe. Yeah like to plug Coming hot down the pipe Yeah What's coming hot down the pipe

As they say This will be out I think the first week of April Okay Well I just started Co-producing a show In Toronto

A weekly show On Tuesday nights At Poor Boy On College Okay There's two Poor Boys So don't go to the wrong one On College

There's two Poor Boys On so don't go to the wrong one on college. There's two poor boys on college? No. Oh, okay. Oh, boy. Don't go to the one on college. Go to the one on college. Yeah, no, it's a really fun show. There's, it starts at eight.

It's free. There's always really good comics on it, and there's always a good crowd. Fun. Yeah. What kind of a place is Poor Boys? It's like a bar. They have really good cheap food and cheap beers. a good crowd. Fun. Yeah. What kind of a place is Poor Boys? It's like a bar. They have really good cheap food and cheap beers. It's good times.

Oh, so it's literally for Poor Boys. Yeah. No girls allowed. But cleverly spelt P-O-U-R. Power. Power Boys. I can't spell. And are you on the internet?

I'm on the internet. On Twitter or anything? Yeah. I'm on the internet? I'm on the internet. On Twitter or anything? Yeah. I'm on the internet. I'm on Twitter at Claire Belford. There's no I in Claire. Or team. Much like teams.

A real team Claire. If you want to dare Claire to do something, make sure to hashtag it dare Claire. Yeah. And Claire chair. It's trending. Or Claire bear. Yeah. and Claire Chair it's trending yeah or Claire Bear yeah if you can think of better famous movie chairs

hashtag them Claire Chair Claire Chair yeah better movie chairs than the ones we listed yeah Claire Chair

but yeah just hashtag just hashtag the shit out of it Sunny and Chair oh that's fun Sunny and Claire Chair oh why why is that a thing no Hashtag the shit out of it. Sonny and chair. Oh, that's fun. Sonny and Claire. Chair.

Oh, why? Why is that a thing? No, I'm just happy to be here. Yeah, well, I'm happy that you're here as well. Now, if you like the podcast, head over to MaximumFun.org. Check out the blog recap, all sorts of pictures and videos relating to the content of this podcast. Surely that egg chair will make an appearance. Oh, yeah, that orb chair.

Also that scary orb video. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably link that card game, too. That was mediocre. Yeah, I don't know if that's getting included in the show. I mentioned it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, fun.

What else do we talk about? That scary Soviet Russia story. Yeah, and the Great British Bake Off. Dry shampoo, where to find your best dry shampoo. Come on, not where to find it. People can Google it. I'll post a picture. We're not going to do all the work for you.

And yeah, if you like the show you can leave a review on iTunes, tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.