Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 422 - Mark Little

Episode Date: April 18, 2016

Comedian Mark Little returns to talk Power Rangers, Skype interviews, and April Fools. Also, the return of Celebrity Crush Hat.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 422 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who just introduced me to delicious butter cookies from Trader Joe's, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, I went to America on the weekend and came back with the butter waffle cookies. Butter waffle cookies, yeah. Yum.

Like look, I don't know Trader Joe's from a hole in the wall, but... Have you ever gone to a hole in the wall? It's good. It's good for mouse droppings. But, you know, you see some things. You see some cookies that are apparently good for you. I don't know. That's what I assume everything in Trader Joe's is.

It's health food, right? Yeah, yeah. These cookies will, you know. And enhance your teeth. Every box we sell, we give a box of cookies to a kid that doesn't have cookies. Exactly, it's Tom's Shoes. Yeah. And yeah, so I took a chance, and boy, did it pay off. Well, here's to taking chances.

Our guest today, very funny comedian. Our guest today, very funny comedian He is the star of the internet hit Space Riders That the second season do any day now I mean, I don't even know if there's something holding it up But if there is It's sitting in post-production Let's put a little pressure on those guys to finish those special effects I know you're listening

Mr. Mark Little is our guest Hi, hello, hello Hi Mark, hello Thanks for having me guys Actually, let's put a little pressure on those guys to finish those special effects. I know you're listening. Mr. Mark Little is our guest. Hi. Hello. Hello. Hi, Mark. Hi. Thanks for having me, guys. Thanks for taking some time out and coming over and doing the show.

My pleasure. Great. I love pleasure. Yeah. Should we get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us. So we bumped into each other on the street.

Caught up a little bit before the show. You were in town doing a fundraiser. And you raised funds? Quote unquote fundraiser. Oh, yeah. You were just raising money. Yeah, my sister's putting on a play. So she had a fundraiser show.

I came in to do stand up on that. But then I kept telling people, yeah, I'm here to do a fundraiser. But then I was like, well, it's weird to call it a fundraiser when it's raising funds for your own play. But that's what, isn't that Kickstarter? That's fundraising? It totally is. Crowdsourcing? You can see when people think that you're raising money for diseases.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. You know, fundraiser. Because the follow-up question is naturally oh what are you raising funds for yeah well it's dumb i don't want to tell you know the importance of art in our society cannot be overstated it's my preamble putting on a i don't use the word hero often but and i won't use it here but i will say uh but the hero in this play Have you ever put on a play? You're somebody who's in the arts.

You've done lots of acting. Have you ever tried to mount a show? You made web series and TV shows. I think I made one. The last play I made, I tried to put on successfully. I think I was 10 years old. And I brought in all the neighborhood kids. And it was all a thinly veiled excuse to play a giant by sitting on my friend's shoulders and wearing a long trench oh man that's like the kid dream we had discovered we were really good at this so i created an entire

apparatus to force the neighborhood to watch us do this and then everyone else had to be cast as like the only other casting i remember was there's someone played a crow and i don't remember anything else wow yeah but we met for uh rehearsals in my basement and the script was like, giant enters. Giant enters, crow is surprised. Crow cowers, yeah. Parents applaud. And then, yeah, and then see, yeah, act two,

crow enters, giant is surprised. You put an intermission in this play, Graham? It's the second act? Yeah. Oh, man. I don't think I ever had a friend who was strong enough to the to do the two kids in a trench coat i think weren't most kids strong like because we all we were roughly so many of us were the same size there's a lot of there's a lot of core strength

in a kid you know yeah low center of gravity yeah yeah you're right and there it's it's all wiry muscle when you're a kid. It is, yeah. But I don't think I could convince a kid to play the legs in a giant in a play. He'd be like, well, how come I can't be the face of the giant? I've never been more convincing and charismatic than when I was 10 years old. I could talk kids into anything. Were you like a fibber when you were a kid?

No. Or you just were able to be like, well, maybe you should do this. I think I was just kind of slick. Yeah. Yeah. I was like a Gordon Corman character. I could just talk you into my deal. Yeah.

You were a Bruno or a Boots. Yeah. I was the one that's probably Bruno. Bruno was blonde, which I only discovered like two or three books in. Bruno is such a dark haired man. Yeah, that's true totally yeah but that's so funny because he was writing them when he was a kid so like he probably just didn't quite realize that it probably wasn't a conscious for anyone who's not i think it's a

canadian only oh yeah anyone who's not canadian gordon corman was this like uh young adult author who was also a young adult yeah when he was book. when he was in grade seven. Yeah. Grade, yeah. That's so crazy. But that's also like when I hear that because there was another, there was a girl who wrote, you know, it was one of those

kind of like, it's kind of like a wizard school type of Harry Potter thing but I think it was maybe about animals or whatever. And she was 10 when she wrote the first one

and I was like, yeah, but that's, that's. You've got nothing but downtime when you're 10 yeah and also that's when you're coming up with crazy ideas yeah you know like uh like they should hollywood should be bringing in kids yeah like what's the craziest idea you have and then these kids would be like, okay, so I'm on my friend's shoulders. There's a trench coat. It's gotta be me, though. Yeah, my friend can't be the head. I'm the head. Because I also do

a good giant voice. Who would agree? That's what Holly did. Which friend would agree to do this? No, trust me. What selfless man? How would you convince them? Yeah, no kid could ever be so charming as to be able to charm his fellow kids. Just watch me.

So, you are down in Los Angeles. Yep. Taking meetings. Taking meetings. Walking on stars. Oh, yeah. You walked on some stars? Oh, you can't avoid them.

Oh, on the streets. Speaking of Trader, my favorite thing to do is to identify which, just to see which stars are placed in front of which weird places. Oh, yeah. I can't remember who it was. It might have been someone like Buster Keaton is in front of the Trader Joe's. Sure. And you just go, oh, man.

Yeah, because you don't, when you buy the star, you don't have any say on what leaseholder. Yeah, future real estate 50 years from now. Totally. And Hollywood is the grimiest, dirtiest part of Los Angeles. So all those stars are inevitably in front of something horrible. Yeah, like some sort of either souvenir shop or smut shop. Yeah, at best.

Or souvenir smut. Yeah. Yeah. It's weird thatwood is kind of like i fuck new york that kind of shirt yeah i honk uh the city um but like uh uh it's weird that hollywood is kind of like it's like grimy but it's also like that's where people go when they go to las like that's the tourist yeah yeah they go to Los Angeles. Like that's the tourist place. Yeah.

The craziest, like, because I feel like so many people have the experience I have, which is you show up and you laugh at what a letdown it is. Like the Chinese theater and all the stars and the view of the Hollywood sign is disgusting. Yeah. And you see so many Johnny Depp characters walking around, you know? Oh, like, yeah, like a Jack Sparrow. A Jack Sparrow, a Mad Hatter, which is weirder. Yeah, because you're like, who wants their picture next to that? Who wants that?

Or just like douchey Los Angeles types with a bunch of jewelry on. I once went to a party where it was a combination of guys who I recognized who had played Johnny Depp characters on the street plus guys who just dressed like Johnny Depp. Wow.

And it was bizarre. And then you looked at the invitation and you were like, oh, it's a Johnny Depp party. I'm the only guy not. Step to the Depp. What am I doing here? What am I doing here? Why am I at the fifth annual Step to the Depp? Raising money for Johnny's kids.

Johnny's kids. Fundraisersers now that's a fundraiser but yeah i remember like uh you know the what that's in front of the chinese theater right where people put their hands in the cement yes and uh just looking at like burt reynolds hands and there was like two cigarette butts in like one of his hands. Oh man, really? Yeah. And I was just like, oh, so they don't sweep this on the daily? Like these are not brand new cigarette butts. No. I feel like it's inevitable that one day someone will build up, like will quote unquote gentrify

that part of Hollywood and it'll become beautiful. Right. How can it not? Like how, how do they get away with this? Maybe, was it did it used to be beautiful or has it always been yeah like i hear it used to be a tinsel town yeah i wonder if i don't know if that'll make it better you know yeah i like that it's filthy it's filthy but it's the same way like uh like niagara falls there's that one street that's just like wax museums and souvenir shops.

That's the whole economy, that one street in Niagara Falls. Right. And you're like, ah, but it's next to one of the most beautiful natural things. And then they're like, ah, it's too much beauty. Let's balance it out with a bunch of crazy crap. Has anyone ever just like pulled a heist? Not a heist. Pulled like a scam where they open a wax museum

and you go in and it's just like globs of wax. Oh, like famous wax? Well, not even. Just like, just red wax. This is blue wax from a candle. But none of it's shaped like a celebrity. Everyone shakes their fist like, Banksy! Did it again!

Yeah. Or like just a wax museum that's just a bunch of store mannequins in famous outfits. And then, you know, like this is Spock. And we globbed some wax on it. Can we glob wax on it? There is a funny wax museum out in Halifax where they have not, for some reason, the building that it's in is not protected from the heat enough. So the wax is all a bit melted. It's all famous things like there's a Lincoln and then there's like a last

supper, but they're all a bit melted. So they all just look like, just imagine they don't look like fully good humans. They look like, but also it's in Halifax, Nova Scotia. So they didn't think like,

I mean, it's cold 11 months a year. Who needs to worry about that one month yeah yeah I got a I got a freezer in my garage we can put all the heads

in there during that hot month and they're dirty so they're all they just look like cave versions it's cave Jesus and then like

one of the last supper guys is I think it's Judas he's got that like line is it I is it I rabbi or like asking about the betrayal but no one spell checked got that line, is it I, Rabbi? Or he's asking about the betrayal.

But no one spell checked it, so it says, is it I, Rabbit? Just no one. Clearly someone pointed it out to them at some point, and they're like, it's already there. We did it. We finished it. You know this is a front for...

Why is he telling Jesus that tricks are for kids? Why is he... Is that tricks are for kids? Why is he keeping... Is this about eight miles? Anyway, that's my rabbit reference. When a wax museum goes out of business, they must sell the figures to perverts. So there's somebody who... I got another shipment of still ones.

Yeah, I got some still ones. Did you ever see the classic movie or the modern movie, House of Wax? Me neither. I've seen the Vincent Price one, which is the original. Because it was in, you wear the 3D glasses or whatever? What goes on in it? It's that he's killing people, he's turning them into wax figures. But, like, famous murder victims, I guess.

What kind of a museum? Well, I think maybe he made their faces different. I can't remember that part of it. But, like, I don't think it was, like, you know, Nicole something. Like, it was, you know. Schittman? Yeah, he'd put them in costumes and then it was queen elizabeth right okay um paris hilton was in the modern one yes never thought oh geez that was

during her well i guess she was we loved her so much yeah yeah yeah that she that she managed to somehow wrangle an acting career why i wouldn't't say career. What else was she in? Was she in another horror movie? Like a house one? A house on, like, not the house next door, house on Haunted Hill. Any of those? Yeah, maybe.

House of Wax? House of Wax. Oh, yeah. That's totally all it was. I have heard of this. No, it's not that. It's about a house. It's about this house of something. Something melty.

Don't distract me with what you were just talking about. Let me think. I think she was in one more, but maybe that's all it was. She was maybe in a comedy as well. The Hottie and the Naughty. No, that was what? Oh, maybe that was her. Or was that the other one?

Jessica Simpson. Was she in that? No, she was in legitimate movies dukes of hazard yeah oh sorry sergeant hot pants yeah yeah um monsieur uh anyway yeah you know etc yeah more examples um and uh you're you're a guy who keeps busy you You're on television often. You have a web series happening. You do the stand-up. What's shaking for you recently? What's up?

Just waiting for these special effects to get done on second season of Space Riders. Just putting the word out there. Put us higher in the queue. Let us release this series. And I know for a fact that the world is not waiting for this series. We sold it to two, sold, sold. We were accepted by two different distribution outlets in the States, and it was like a massive failure on both accounts.

What? We ended up, yeah, it's on Hulu, I don't know. It only has one comment to my knowledge, which is one guy who wrote, what is this? Best case scenario, he hadn't watched it yet. He was curious. He wrote a comment, what is this? Best case scenario.

He was just waiting for it to load. Should I wait for this pinwheel to stop spinning so I can watch it? Maybe he has some kind of Siri or voice-to-text thing where he, you know, oh, whoops, I left that on and I was narrating. Oh, what is this? Or maybe his username is Curious Viewer. He just writes that on a lot of things. What is this?

And then we also sold it to this uh or it was taken by this youtube channel that specializes in like hard like hard parody just like down the line this series of videos is harry potter talking as if he were like a clubber you know okay so it's like those kind of parodies where it's just like famous character talking about something out of character all right okay there's a lot of that stuff and then we were planted in that and sold and pitched as like a power rangers parody but we're strictly speaking not right so i feel like it was just upsetting to everyone because we're trying to do this certain thing and then the kids like i don't begrudge anyone for wanting a power rangers parody but if you

want a power rangers parody what you want is to see, ooh, instead of Mastodon, what are they going to say? What's the new animal that they're going to make up that's sillier? Or what are they going to say about the race things that are under the surface in Power Rangers? There's things to make fun of if that's what you want, but we didn't. Ours was just like, remember

Power Rangers? How it was two guys who are friends but trying to be cool? No, that's not Power Rangers at all. It doesn't touch on any of the elements of Power Rangers. I'm waiting to see Lampoon. Yeah, it's the weird thing about Power Rangers is it was almost like a self parody, right? Like it never was a good, like it was always a guy in a boxy suit. Well, it was like made in japan and then

they reshot everything in north america with the talky things they reshoot everything they reshoot reshot only the high school stuff okay which is why rita and all those monsters like the space witch rita repulsa and all her monsters that's japanese footage oh right and all the fight footage is japanese so they get into these suits that cover their faces, which is why this American high school is next to the streets of Tokyo and only a quarry. Like that's the only non-geographically specific place. And then Rita is all like overdub, you know. Oh, right. She's the only overdub.

Which is, I think it's like, you know, hats off to them for somehow making that appealing to teenagers who would have thought but i remember watching i don't know if it was teenagers oh preteens yeah yeah oh yeah yeah only preteens and probably little kids yeah teens like me were above it for sure we didn't like it well that's what you were saying before the podcast that you've always been uh you like behind the curve oh Oh, yeah, bring that in. Why not? Yeah, no, you're right. It touches. You're a late bloomer in every aspect.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, maybe that's part of it. And that, so were you, because I watched Power Rangers when I was, whenever it was on, I watched it. Yeah, me too. I didn't. It was like, that was, because we talked a few weeks ago about when I was a kid, I watched everything and I loved every show. And then one day a switch flipped and I was like, that's kid stuff. Yeah.

Yeah. See, there was never, it was a gradual for me. It was like a gradual fizzle. Yeah. Although I was watching like at the exact same time Power Rangers was on, I was watching like California Dreams, which might as well have been the same actors. Just they're in a band. Absolutely, yeah. I love that we were okay with California Dreams.

Even as kids, we knew it was ripping off Saved by the Bell, but we were like, yeah, but it's more stories. But it's ripping off one specific episode of Saved by the Bell, the episode where they're in a band. Yeah, that's right. That's right. And I loved thinking about, because who's the episode where they're in a band. Yeah, that's right. That's right. And I loved thinking about because who's the screech equivalent in California Dreams? Is his name like Sly or something? Yeah, yeah. No, Sly

is kind of the cool guy. Sly's cool? The manager. He's kind of sneaky. He's sort of sly, I guess. What's the word for that? I remember this one episode. It's the episode of California Dreams that stuck with me forever I can't

I'll think about it until I'm dead In the ground And it's There's Because there's like I want it on my tube There's roles in the Dreams band You know

And it's the brother and sister Right In California Dreams They're like the band leaders But he writes all the songs He writes all the songs And in one episode She bristles at that.

And she wants to write a song. So she writes a song called Johnny Can't Surf. And I remember it clearly. And the lyrics go, Johnny can't surf. Johnny can't swim. Johnny can't throw a frisbee. And then so he tries. They try it as a band.

And then she goes, what do you think? And I'll never forget. He holds the lyric sheet up. And he kind of waves it like he's cooling it off off and he's like it's a hot song you know and then the whole episode is he doesn't know how to tell her that it's bad oh and then when he finally does the message is like you should have just told me the truth and he's like i couldn't but you're right and then and then they and then they just accept that she's bad at this. This is a book report. Yeah, and no work can be done to improve her songwriting. She's just going to accept her role.

She's just bad at it. She's just bad. But the thing is, it's... Know your role. That was the under. Stay in your lane. A little bit. The thing is, none of the songs were that great.

No, no. So it's like you were telling me, and I'm like, I don't know if this is going to come off as a good song or song on that show i can't remember it was the theme song it was like california dreams just let me lay here in the sun that is a good song until my dream is done yeah that was a fun song i don't i like i'm i remember there was a blonde girl was she one of the was she the sister she was the sister? She was the sister. Okay. And then the lead singer, and then, yeah, vaguely remember Sly.

Who was their drummer? Do not recall. It was Black Power Ranger. I think it was the only black guy, yeah, absolutely. And they all played in their garage. Yes. And every time they had a gig, it was at the surf shack. Yeah, or some kind of tiki themed surf thing also if you were booking bands uh-huh presumably at your alcohol serving establishment

yeah how many high school fans would you book a year there on tv there were a lot of all ages opportunities yeah for you know pizza places on on Boy Meets World and the Smash Club on Full House. Yeah. Where there was a lot going on. Can you imagine how desperate your establishment would have to be that you're just hiring a high school band? You're just like, we need anything we can get.

If we can get more teens in here to buy $1 drinks instead of adults who buy $6 drinks? That's how I feel any time a bar starts hosting a stand-up open mic. I'm like, oh, you're on your way out, aren't you? If this is your last-ditch attempt to gain an audience, you're nuts. You're just getting a lot of angry, mentally ill people who are going to create a human rights violation. And then you'll go go bankrupt but not on your own terms um yeah that's like i will hear stories about young uh you know like now our famous singers and the story like it uh you know the parents took them to shows to sing or whatever.

And I'm like, I have a very hard time picturing what music club you would be at. And they're like, please welcome the 10-year-old girl singing a song. Totally. Totally. And you'd be like, this is weird. I'm in here having an affair. Yeah, well, what? See a 10 year old bus

It's reminding me of my own 10 year old It's like Cause when you go to see comedy You're just going to see comedy And they put up 10 comedians in a night Yeah But if you go to music

They don't Like you know the act You're going to see It's not just like a rotating Well unless it's You know your open mic Like everybody gets to go up and sure music open mic do a song which is weird as comedy open mics are and they're probably

weirder i'm just more used to them music open mics are real weird they are really weird because yeah it's one guy goes up takes like 10 minutes to set everything up does i don't know maybe one cover one original yeah and then it's another 10 minutes of tuning, tuning, getting everything right, two songs. Yeah. Away you go. When people at an open mic play a cover, that boggles my mind.

I'm like, what are you getting out of this? Yeah. Well, I just wanted you to hear this Bob Marley song for the thousandth time from me. Yeah. Just in case I'm ever called upon to do uh you know my own show of original material and i want to switch things up i want to make sure that i'm comfortable yeah except i'm going to throw in local references instead of trench town

kensington yeah um but or there's like someone who's not You know Singer songwriter Who has like You know A laptop That they want to set up Or We brought drums

We brought a drum kit Oh yeah We're a small coffee shop sir Yeah And then Yeah And then you're competing With the

Sound of a coffee machine Oh The whole You gotta grind those beans Gotta get the froth going. Yeah, people need their 9pm lattes during this open mic. It's the equivalent of

being at a stand-up show where they're just shoveling ice. You're never aware of how much ice goes into making drinks until you're in a stand-up show. Or just, please the only thing, be quiet. Just be quiet. You're putting three

cubes in them. Maybe pick them out by hand. Maybe. Well, no, our special tonight is a bucket of beers in ice.

And that is always a special at a comedy club. Absolutely. Are these cold? Well, they were in a fridge for days. But I'll toss them

on all this ice to make sure they don't warm up in the next eight minutes. When you were starting out doing stand-up, did you do stand-up in a coffee shop at any point? Yes, absolutely. And I used to write jokes at a music open mic. I would go. I found it very inspiring. It was kind of background noise, but every once in a while, a maniac would come up. Yeah.

And you'd be like, oh, I got an idea. I can jot some stuff down. Yeah, there's always, if you wanted to flush out the crazy people in your neighborhood, host an open mic, and slowly they'll gravitate towards it towards the crazy extroverts oh yes that's true that's true no no no introvert oh that's not true like i think actually stand up is you get the good for introverts you get the crazy introverts who are just screaming their repression into a microphone where they're like i haven't told anyone how i feel all week. Here's who's to blame. You're like, oh, man, I don't think that's true, man.

I think you've got to let this out bit by bit. Suss out people's reactions. You've got some good premises in there, though. Yeah. You know, like in the 60s or whatever, you hear all these stories about stand-ups working at these coffee shops. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In San Francisco or New York. People laughing with snaps

but it hasn't been thus for like that has never been it doing a comedy show in a coffee shop has always been bad right or have you had good experiences with that i'm trying to remember i don't know maybe not great i feel like in maybe in the 90s it was sort of during the uh oh yeah the the garofalo revival kind of vibe. Yeah. Just sort of let's be loosey-goosey. We're not in an actual comedy club. We're not even comedians.

Yeah. Yeah. We've all got notebooks. We're all just working stuff out. That really was like... All respect to Garofalo, of course, but that was the vibe. I remember seeing her for the first time with a notebook, and I was like, well, this is a game changer. It was, yeah. And then everyone copied it. And it was like, well, this is a game changer. It was, yeah.

And then everyone copied it. And it was like, oh, boy, you guys got to find a new thing. This notebook is just a prop. Yeah, but then when phones came out, that was the other game changer. Garofalo, jobs. Oh, man. But I don't know.

I started doing comedy in Halifax, so I think there were some coffee shop shows just out of necessity. Right. I can't remember if any of them were good. Yeah. I just feel like coffee shops, like any drink you order aside from just a plain coffee is going to be loud. Yeah. And it's like you're not moving. Like a coffee shop isn't a place that people go to sit and watch a thing.

Like they go with a friend or a laptop. Yeah. Like they're not expecting to. Although I could say that about 90% of the places I go, I don't expect anything to be happening. 10, 15 years ago, there was no Wi-Fi. Oh, yeah. So it was like, oof, dark times. I know. I'm going to write my poems.

I'm going to go do crossword. Those are the two things. Yeah, that's when people were asking to use the Wi-Fi, or the coffee shop phone. Just go down to the coffee shop and use the phone. Can I borrow your classifieds? What's your phone password? It's nine. It's nine to get out. The classifieds in your phone password it's nine it's nine to get out classifieds in a phone i circled all these wanted ads yeah i'm gonna call and see if this one this guy still has a

dresser that he's getting get rid of free free if i pick it up oh do you remember did you ever have to buy anything out of the buy and sell yes and it was like a weekly publication yeah and you would pay three dollars or whatever for it and would have everything from cars to guitars stars bars yeah yeah i bought i think i probably bought my first car out of either yeah buy and sell i think that was it it was just like if they had already sold the thing you still you had to talk to the person and they would tell you oh i sold it already yeah but it was like it was at a time when people didn't screen their phone calls like you yeah and you just go over to their house yeah they'd be like well come over to the house and uh you know you can look at this whatever it is

video camera and if they sell it on the first day. They still have six more days of people calling them. Oh, yeah. Right, because it's a weekly thing. Yeah, yeah. And there'd have to be outgoing messages of people saying, and if you're calling about the chandelier, it is sold. It is smashed. I got angry.

No one was calling. I mounted my own production of Phantom of the Opera I bought a mountain bike from it my memory is going out to a place where

it was exactly where you would expect just like essentially like a yard slash junk yard full of stuff

and I remember being asked if I wanted to buy anything else yeah like no just the mountain bike please that's the second time

I bought a mountain bike from a guy with way too many mountain bikes. Right. Which is probably just a thief, right? Or a collector. Probably a thief. Maybe a collector. I didn't do anything wrong. But like maybe he's a guy who knows a guy. Like he's the

middle man. Oh, sure. Yeah. These are all factory seconds, or we couldn't sell them. Yeah. Factory seconds. Only one wheel. Yeah. There's no chain on this one. I mean, both. It's all there, but you have to put it together. This one says

Morco. Nanu nanu. But yeah, I, uh, uh, that's still, Is that still a thing? No by itself must not be around It's just Craigslist now I think Or Kijiji The Canadian Craigslist

Not as popular south of the border I've noticed Is that right? I feel like Craigslist and Kijiji Here are at least Kijiji is not a household name i don't think yeah i don't know i know in halifax kijiji's top dog oh really craigslist takes a back seat oh really yes huh yeah i've only heard of kijiji from uh tv from uh tv tv tv yeah nice um the one time i sold something in the buy sell, it was a guitar and an amp.

And a guy came over and he played like... Swallowed in the water. No, he played literally six notes. Oh, maybe like nine notes. Yeah. From Zombie by the Cranberries. He's like, yeah, this will work. This will work for my purposes.

I play lead in the cranberries. That's great. Yeah. Only, like, the other day I was talking with somebody who was buying, like, a record receiver. What's that? You need, like, if you have a record player, you need something to plug. Oh, the amplifier. Yeah, it's the amplifier, basically.

Receiver, amplifier. Like, it was such an old term. Yeah. Back when in the old coffee shops, you had to get the hi-fi password. But, like, where do you meet somebody? You don't have them come over to your house, because then they know where you live. Yeah, you do. People do.

People are weird, man. I wouldn't, you know, have somebody come over to my place. I'd be like, no, neutral location. Even if it was a dresser or something. I'll bring it over here. But I want to try the record receiver out well I'll bring a generator

we can go we'll plug it into the coffee shop where's the output side note do you want to buy a generator yeah I've got a lot of stuff to get rid of

have you guys tried out this Bunz trading zone has that made its way to Vancouver yet no what's that so it started inz trading zone? Has that made its way to Vancouver yet? What's that? So it started in Toronto and I think it's making its way across the country. And it's like trading. It's anything but money.

And it's Bunz, B-U-N-Z? B-U-N-Z. It started out as Bums, B-U-M apostrophe S. Right. And then there was a message board and one day someone, there was an outcry that this was, this was rude. This is offensive to homeless people. And then.

And anuses. Yeah. And anuses. And that was two camps. One of them got quiet quick. But the homeless brigade kept up and, and it turned into, it was this huge discussion and a lot of different, you know, perspectives

on that. Wow. And then in the end they were just like, alright, we're calling it buns with a Zed with shut up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shut up. Just everybody shut up. The Zed stands for shut up. Yeah. But yeah, it's you, so you someone posts, I think there's an app

now, you post what you're selling or what you're getting rid of and what you're looking for. And it could be like, I'm getting rid of a mannequin. Right. My girlfriend bought a, wanted a mannequin that she saw. And they're like looking for a bottle of whiskey, please. Oh. So sometimes it's thinly veiled money. Like sometimes it's the most thinly veiled it can be without being money.

And people will be like, I'm getting rid of a dresser, like a, or like a, you know, like a coffee table, small coffee table. I would like five subway tokens, please.

So it's like, this is a $15 table. Who are we kidding? Like an iTunes gift card. Yeah, exactly. For $15 and 45. Well,

it's kind of fun, but there's a lot of people going to each other's houses. When you said Bunz Trading Zone, I imagined it was a physical zone where you go. Oh, yeah. You just bring your crazy crap with you. And it's like monitored by the police, so it's like the place

you can go and not get ripped off. Yeah. Well, they have that in the downtown east side, I think on Sundays. There's like an open air. Yeah. Garbage fest. Instead of people just laying out a blanket on the street and whatever going down, everyone does it all in one place, and it's a garbage fest.

Would this be like a flea market, or is it different from a flea market? It's more, well, I guess it's kind of like a flea market, but I imagine there's a lot of this bartering. Yeah. Yeah. Going on. I like that. I like it. Yeah. Because if you have a thing that you're like, I just need to get rid of this thing, but then there's something else where you're like,

well, I wouldn't mind one of those. Yeah. Instead of the two steps of like getting the money and then going and buying the thing. Right. Just bring me over your crazy thing. Yeah.

Totally. Yeah. then going and buying the thing right just bring me over your crazy thing yeah totally yeah i feel like in uh movies about a dystopian metropolis type future like a johnny mnemonic or like a dark city or whatever yeah like the future where it's dark and it's but it's everything's a city yeah the only form of commerce is like those kinds of markets you know there's always a scene where the hero's like i need something and he has to pass stalls. Stalls in an open area where it's like, there's some sketchy things, but there's also some like bread. Bread here.

But it's always like, you know, bread pill. Or some weird noodle soup. Yeah, totally. And it's vats of something steaming. Totally. And you drop like a small little like Advil into a bowl and then it's like, hmm, faux or whatever. This is our faux.

But yeah, they always do it in the open air market style instead of moving into the giant abandoned malls that are all over. 100%. It's like, why don't we just use those malls we used to use? I don't know. The escalator's broken. Yeah, nobody wants to be on the top floor with a broken escalator. You're going to come through the beads or not. Come on, get in here.

That would be the best. Oh, that would be a great Easter egg in one of those open-air markets in one, was it Orange Julius booth? But it's all done up. From the Grand bazaar in the future of detroit totally totally you can get a hot dog for eight space credits i'm not getting a hot dog from the orange julius style come on let's go get weapons yeah we're going on some sort of quest uh yeah it's uh

also in those uh dystopian like all dystopian futures the dystopian ones everybody's filthy because there's no well because it's not a utopia yeah but even like a johnny mnemonic they were all clean and pressed suits and stuff i don't even remember i feel like like Johnny Mnemonic was. Yeah, they all had those, like, those, like, what do you call those collars? Those, like, Nehru collars? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the future, collars, you know, they figured out the collar. There's no excess folding down. Yeah, there's no, no one wears a necktie anymore,

so there's nothing to tie up. That would be, like, the protest, that would be the equivalent of zoot suits in a dystopian future. As a very long, like, hippie collar. To be like, oh, I'm not conserving fabric.

I'll use as much as I want. Yeah. And then people in neighborhood collars would be like, but the war effort. Yeah. Don't you care about the war effort against the machines? I don't. I love the machines. We need all of our Oxford cloth to fight these machines.

Are those jawed purse? Yeah. I got as much fabric as jodhpurs? Yeah. I got as much fabric as I want in the hips. Yeah. And I'll use it all. They jodhpur at the top and they flare at the bottom. I love fabric. The overly fabriced villain in the future.

I don't imagine him being a villain. Just like a sort of a sly character. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of good. Kind of bad yeah yeah totally my dog's wearing pants i don't fucking care i don't care yeah that's true during

the war like they didn't have a lot of dog costumes that's right that would have been one step too far for the zoot suit and swingsters. Yeah. Even they would have felt ashamed. I guess this was pre-polyester. Yeah, or post. You know, in the future, they don't have the chemicals. Oh, right. Yeah. New chemicals. Yeah.

To make modern polyester. Because, yeah, it's always so cobbled together. Maybe a long coat. Maybe. Oh, you need a duster. Yeah. Because of all the dust. Yeah.

Yeah. Clips everywhere. Lots of clips. Yeah. Clips and lots of clips yeah clips and zips clips and zips uh yeah the future's like it's clunky yeah it's not as streamlined as we well i don't know the matrix is pretty streamlined the matrix was pretty so they did have those long coats yeah and their future is so bright they had to wear shades. But they also, you know, they were in those goo baths. Which... Slick as well. Yeah.

I didn't mind that idea. Like being in a goo bath and they just like pipe a movie of your life into your head. I heard the original title for The Matrix was Leaving the Goo Bath. But it was deemed offensive. What racial minority are you calling goo bags? Oh, nobody. No. No, no, no.

The title song is Splish Splash Sitting in a Goo Bag. Oh, man. A goo bag would be good. Yeah, I'd be, I don't know. Like when they were like, we got to get out of this. Yeah. But then when I saw the world that they had to escape into, I was like, no, let's go back. Everybody back into the fake world.

Give me that goo. Yeah, because now we're just in tattered clothes. You relate to Cypher. What's Cypher? Cypher's the dude who just likes to taste a steak. Yeah, Joey Pants. I don't, I'm lost. Is this Matrix Doc?

He's like the judas figure who like betrays them and then we find out the reason he did it he has that speech where he's like you know when you find out that this ain't real oh it's just ones and zeros but i gotta say steak tastes good right yeah because in the future thing they're filthy all the time they're in like some bunker thing they're eating're eating a goop. They were sitting in goop ten minutes ago. Now they're eating the goop.

Where do you draw the line? Matrix heroes with very limited options. You're going to eat goop. You're not going to sit in it. Imagine there's one guy, that kind of guy who's always calling hypocrisy. yeah hypocrites you guys hated goop five minutes ago different jonathan you know it's different oh it's tough being a teenager and the teenagers are so shitty in the matrix the one teenager in the matrix i didn't want to be asked to be pulled

out of the matrix yeah i think the closest we got to a teen in the Matrix was Tank or Dozer remember one of those guys the young one the son yeah who was just like

I don't know he was in his 20s but he was stoked like that's what made him the young one he was stoked he was like he was the one

to be like he's in yes like he'd show a bit of emotion you know what I like about Mark he remembers

all the character names from the Matrix when I was when that movie was out we were i was into it yeah i had friends who would quote it i i distinctly remember hearing the names tank and dozer dozens it was the kind of that was the era of like when dvd collecting was a thing oh yeah totally you had to own that oh yeah yeah it was it was like when it came out it was pretty mind-blowing like it would be pretty mind blowing like it would be hard

to show it's terrific it would be hard though do you think to show a kid now that grew up with fucking Avengers and everything like this was the movie

that blew everyone's mind Full of Time is still pretty cool yeah that's true when he does the lean back I think you know maybe a little kid no

but I think a teen a teen would get into it like a tank a dozer yeah like a like a tanker a dozer would get into The Matrix. The slow burn and then the terrific third act. Yeah. One of the greatest third acts in action movie history.

Yeah, it's been a long time since I've watched it, just sat down and watched the whole thing. Maybe I should revisit it. Tonight. Yeah, make it a blockbuster now. Dave, what's going on with you, man? Well, as I mentioned in the beginning of this past weekend, I drove down to Seattle, went to America, visited my brother along with Abby, my wife, and Margo, my baby, and Abby's mother. We all drove down.

Oh, like the Beverly Hillbillies. It was a fun. Everybody in the. And yeah, it was super fun. Like Margo had, my brother has two daughters and Margo had never seen so many toys in her life. Oh yeah. Just going crazy. And then we went to this park at the Seattle Center.

It was crazy. Abby and her mom went shopping and I took margo around and tried to find things to do yeah um but that's not what i want to talk about what i really want to talk about is i watch a lot of uh news like local news and uh they do uh they used to like interview people like in studio or they would go to them and now what happens is they will get uh like maybe once an hour they'll interview someone on skype yes oh yeah and the thing about skype do like video interviews on skype is no one has figured out how to do it right like yeah they usually like will either you know have the computer facing themselves but with a window behind them so you just see the silhouette of their head you're right or lighting

or they will like be in front of a bunch of books to look credible and they will uh but they'll be way too far from the from the computer so you just hear an echoey room or what happens most of all is they have the computer down on the table and they're sort of leaning over it and they get all of the skin on their face is like hanging off at the front so they get this sort of droop down looking into the camera and uh i just want to hey this is just my my message to the Skype interviewees of today. Get it together. Yeah. They should have, don't you think, like a thing that the network sends to the person that they're going to Skype and be like, here are the four things you need to do.

Yeah. Like get yourself in front of a bookcase. Or if you don't have a bookcase, your DVD collection. If you don't have one of those. A banner of the planets. Think of this as photo day at school. Oh bookcase, your DVD collection. If you don't have one of those. A banner of the planets. Think of this as photo day at school. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Some sort of digital background.

Yeah, laser beams crossing each other. It is weird that in an age where we all know so much about how to take selfies, like everyone knows that we look better from a top down than from bottom up. Well, that's just because you can see my cleavage. Yeah, you can see our cleavage. It can foreshorten our lovely noses. We know these things.

It doesn't look like we have double chins. And yet the only people who haven't gotten this are the people whose job is to appear on television regularly. Maybe because they're, they're,

they were so focused on becoming experts in their field and not on taking pictures of themselves. But it seems like an easy, it seems like it should be an easy fix yeah and you can see yourself on skype like it's not like are you guys seeing this all right do how do i look yeah that's right but am i wrong in saying that skype now is pretty much the same as when skype first came out like

it doesn't seem like it's like, oh, like old Skype was so much worse. It's like, it feels like it's the same Skype. Yeah, it doesn't sound any better. Yeah, there's going to be, Skype is resting on their laurels and there's going to be a new company that comes along. It's going to be the Facebook to Skype's MySpace. And then all of Skype is going to be left in the dust

with no one to blame but themselves. Yeah, they're like, why didn't we come up with, because like you look at the way Snapchat has these things things like put it like cartoon features on your face why is there not a better i know skype has something like it but like a background thing where you just type in like i want to be i'm i'm making a press conference from the white house yeah white house background and it just goes in and it looks good or just like those Facebook stickers where you can pick a mood, and one of the moods is like, take me seriously. A professional person. Yeah.

Not a child. Competent. Not somebody doing this in their laundry room. Yeah. But there are like Google Hangouts where you can, you know, hit a setting that like makes you have, I don't know, like stars above your head or stuff like that. where you can hit a setting that makes you have, I don't know, like stars above your head or stuff like that.

So do that except it's just a bunch of E equals MC squared. Or light bulbs lighting up. Totally. I've got so many ideas. Totally. But it's also like you watch the local news, which I don't usually. I do if I'm like over here, I'll watch a bit watch the local news, which I don't usually. I do if I'm like over here. I'll watch a bit of the local news.

A lot of times they end up reading tweets. Yep. And that's like a thing where it's like, I don't think they like that. I don't like it. Who likes it? Who likes something happens? So we're going to go over to Twitter and just read some random people's reactions. Well, we have a web producer now who produces from the web.

Right. Yeah. I don't, it just feels like the, I don't know, the anchors are like, oh, we used to, we used to do things. But it's like, I watch too much local news because like, I'm not really plugged in with what's going on in the world. But I know like if there was a car crash if a car crashed into a business well i'd want to know that too when you talk to people from around the world you're like a lot more car crashes these days yeah 24-hour fitness had to close for a few hours because a car crashed into it

that is always like whenever that story appears on the local news, it's a real day maker. It's like everything I watch on the local news is like, I calculate how far from my house this took place. Whoa, that guy had a dash cam and almost got in an accident a block from my house.

That could have been me. I should have woken up. I always picture like, yeah, being in the place where the car crashes into and just being like, how crazy that would be. Like you're just in a 24-hour fitness and then all of a sudden there's a car in there. Yeah. Ah! Yeah. Don't ever unplug me from the Matrix is what I say.

This is the kind of treat I'm in for. Yeah. I have the opposite reaction. For some reason, I was at home and then a block away, I was walking to the bus stop and it was all blocked off with police tape. Someone had been murdered. Oh, Jesus. Like from my house. And my first, at no point did I think,

that was real close to my house. I was just like, oh man, glad I wasn't there, I guess. Like, I don't know. It still felt like, ah, that's somewhere else. You know, like a block away it felt like that's somewhere else. Yeah, well, you know. Like, that's not my street. That's a worse street. But who was it?

Was it a guy who deserved it? I think it was a, I think it was gang motivated. Ah. Which should make me even more worried. Yeah. They're settling their beef so close to me. Well, and also maybe you might get recruited. You're in danger of being Becoming a gang member That's right

I gotta I gotta think about Which clipboards I sign Is this UNICEF Or is this a gang They're like Ah it's a gang Yeah you should've known

Because you don't have to be Jumped into UNICEF Now I I signed this UNICEF thing And then we went for a drive And the first And we went I didn't have our lights on

Oh yeah The first car To give us the blinkers We had to kill them Have you ever heard of that? That like urban legend? Oh I think That was featured

In the movie urban legend That's the first time I heard about it Oh okay Blink your lights And then they like Do a hard Yui And come after you

Yeah Someone's gang initiation Is to kill the polite driver. Yeah. It was a weird urban legend that was trying to curb politeness. Yeah. It was like, yeah, don't ever try to tell somebody that their lights aren't on or this might happen. Yeah.

But if they don't, they might crash into something. That's more likely. Well, you would think. I don't know, man. I don't, they might crash into something. That's more likely. Well, you would think, but I don't know, man. I don't do it. Mind your own. Yeah. On the road. Once they've passed you, it's not your business anymore anyway.

Unless they crash right behind you and then you're like, oof, glad that was so far away. Yeah. That was probably a gang-related crash. Two gang members driving at each other on the highway. Oh, yeah. What if it's two cars that initiate each other? They're playing chicken and starting in different cities.

Danny Zuko and, like, I don't know, the grease thing. They're just going to meet on a highway somewhere. Yeah. Yeah, they're like, all right, should be longitude. That would be such a suspenseful ride on a highway somewhere? Yeah. Yeah, they're like, all right, it should be longitude, latitude. That would be such a suspenseful ride because you don't know

when it's going to happen. Totally. You know, like it could be they could have sped through the whole sector. Is that him? Is that him?

No, I bet you keep getting out of the way of other cars. It's not him, so I'm not a chicken. Yeah. That's right. You're driving into oncoming traffic the whole way.

Well, I'll get out of their way because they don't think I might be a chick. So yeah, Skype. Yeah. Skype. Skype on the news. What's going on with you? Well, we were recording this kind of a week ahead. But this past week, the funniest day of the year, April Fools.

Really, we're recording two weeks ahead. Yeah, that's right. And it feels like April Fools, when I was a youngster, was purely the domain of family and friends. was purely the domain of like family and friends. Like it was like, you know, maybe your dad got up early, poured orange juice into the milk carton, things like this. Ruined the milk. Yeah.

Left, your family walked away. Walked away from the whole operation. And now it feels like April Fool's is predominantly the domain of huge corporations that they have taken it in. And now it's just like, who can spend the most money to do a thing that's like fairly annoying to people who enjoy the product or whatever. But a couple of them this year were things that were April Fool's Day pranks, but things that I was like, oh, I wouldn't mind if that was a real, if that was an actual thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because the big one,

the one that got a lot of press was Gmail did a button. Mic drop? Yeah. That like if you were looped into a, like a long email conversation and you just wanted out, you could press this mic drop button and one of the minions dropped a mic and that just let everyone know that you are out and i was like and then you wouldn't receive replies anymore yeah yeah and i was like this is fucking fantastic how did it take

so long for gmail to come up with this yeah and uh then they had to apologize because i guess like some people like there was like a funeral home that sent a mic drop to a family that somebody just died. Because it was right next to send. Because it was right next to send. And there was WestJet did had this like said they're doing this new thing where you just order food on your phone and this robot like comes along the ceiling and delivers it. And it seemed like a great idea. You don't have to wait for the drink cart to come by. And the problem with that is like, oh, no, that great thing?

We're not going to do that great thing that you would love. Yeah, there was a lot of that. There was a lot of things that it was like, wouldn't it be crazy if? But I was like, no, it wouldn't be crazy. And it's kind of cool. So, I mean, and then there were certain ones that I was like, I don't think like there was Nike did like a chicken and waffles shoe. And I was like, that does exist. No, it was April Fool's.

Well, they do a waffle shoe. April Fool's Day. Well, they do a waffle shoe. They do a waffle shoe, but it was like waffle shoe and then the swoosh had syrup dripping off it. No, it's not real. Oh, that exists. No. It's existed for a long time.

No, it came out on the March 27th. Uh-huh. And then on April 2nd, they said it was an April Fool's Day. No, no, no. It's been a- You can't do that. Huh? I swear I've seen that for months.

No. I know. I just read an article where they... I read a different article. It says it's real. Did you read it before April 1st? The best April Fool's joke would be to hack into Snopes and change everything. Oh, yeah.

Snopes could have a field day. would be to hack into Snopes and change everything. Oh, yeah. Snopes could have a field day. Mm-hmm. With, but yeah, the, yeah, so some of those I was really excited about. And then there was the one with John Lovitz and this woman. No, was that an April Fool's thing? But it was days before April Fool's.

Oh, yeah. What's going on here? Yeah. That's the thing is you can't have an April Fool's joke that takes days to gain traction. But that's what these corporations are doing. That is what they're doing. They're releasing things. Not Nike because those are real.

No, they're not. They're Christmasing April Fool's. Yeah. It's going to be a thing like, oh, it's April Fool's season. It's only March 1st. And already I'm seeing things I know are fake. I'm hearing April Fool's carols on the radio. Yeah, they are.

They're Christmasing April Fool's. I don't want a lot for April. Everybody fart. It's the newest dance craze, and it's a real song, ladies and gentlemen. It's a real song. And this song is real. But it's... It's by Jason Biebsler.

How does John Lovitz feel in being the joke part of the joke? None of the, the, well, I don't know. He's more famous as far as I'm concerned than the other lady. He is, but also,

haha, isn't it hilarious that the joke is that I would be with somebody like John Lovitz. Isn't that hilarious? Seemed to be the John Lovitz. Isn't that hilarious? Seemed to be the punchline more than isn't it hilarious that we prank the media. But it's not like he's some invalid who didn't know what was going on. No, that's true. That is true. He was involved, but.

But do you think he was the first choice? Do you think he was, like like turned down by any other? Ed Begley Jr. Number one with a bullet. No, because we're going to do beach pics and like he's not a beach guy. Yeah. Well, I guess they had met on a TV show. Oh, okay.

So they knew each other. Well, here's the bad, because I didn't know that until you just said it. I didn't know it was an April Fool's joke. Yeah. I probably would have operated the rest of my life assuming. Oh, yeah. John Lovitz is married to that lady I never heard of. Yeah.

Yeah. Or have you ever met John Lovitz? I mean, congrats. Yeah. Congrats eight years ago. But if, yeah, if you, I mean, it's not unreasonable to think at some point you would be on a show with him at a festival or something.

Maybe at John Lovett's comedy club in Universal City. There you go. See, maybe you were on a John Lovett's fundraiser. Yeah, raising funds for his new play. Lovett's The Time of Cholera.

Would we watch that? Would we watch that? That would be good. If I could do an impression impression i could really build on that we're done we're done here it should be an easy one don't know how to do it don't know how um but yeah anyway so i got i got uh i got really april fooled into some things that i thought were going to be real things i feel like the uh the first toe in the water for this level of April Fool's was radio stations when we were kids. I remember one Vancouver radio station convinced a lot of people

that a space shuttle that was out in space at the time had to do an emergency landing at the Vancouver airport. And dozens of people went out to see it and then were upset that they had taken the day off work and taken their kids out of school to see a space shuttle land in an airport. Yeah. That's the closest thing.

Or they would do like, yeah, I remember just like a fake concert announcement. Yeah. Yeah. Something radio stations do all the time. So why wouldn't they have a concert? Yeah. That's right. Yeah.

It's, I mean, the, the of april fool's day is meanness but yeah it seemed like it used to be like it was it was uh there was a pure nature to it yeah but it has like a it has a you're not allowed to do any jokes after noon yeah you're not supposed to but a lot of people do days before yeah yeah it's supposed to be this 12-hour window, but not even because you're not doing them at 2 in the morning. Yeah. Yeah. And anything that happens in Australia, you know up here it's not real. Well, they do April Fool's on the other side of the year.

The other side. In their springtime. Their April Fool's flushes in reverse. Yeah. When they put sarin wrap on their toilets i have two accents um yeah so anyway so i got i got april fooled that's fun by the big corporations who have really taken the fool out of april fools christ on christmas the thing is if you do they say if you make an april joke after noon, you are the fool.

You're the fool. Yeah, it used to be. That used to be the big punishment is knowing one of you is the fool. Who's the fool? It was just a city trying to. But what if you did, you set up a prank before lunch and it was supposed, or before noon. Some people eat lunch at one. lunch and it was supposed or before noon some people eat lunch at one uh but before noon and you expected it to come to fruition before noon but the delivery guy didn't bring over the box of

poo at the right time you had a lot of deliveries a lot of poo and did you ever do an april fools or were a victim of one i don't remember. No, people just did sort of like, just made a mess. I remember in elementary school, people just sprayed her. The girls got into the boys' bathroom and sprayed shaving cream everywhere. Joke's on you, janitor. Working man. He's like, I'm the April Fool this year. You want to move on to a little little overheard yeah maybe a little something

before that oh yeah okay hello and welcome to pod phone what type of podcast are you looking for you have chosen funny podcasts about bad movies rated r may we recommend The Flophouse? Three friends talk about bad movies and make each other and you laugh. Rated R. The Flophouse is playing at your ears. If you download it right now or whenever. Rated R. To purchase tickets to The Flophouse. You don't need to do that. Just download it. The Flophouse. Rated R to purchase tickets to the Flophouse. You don't need to do that.

Just download it. The Flophouse. Rated R for nudity, I guess. You guys, I'm so excited to introduce to you my new baby, Getting Curious with Jonathan Van Ness. This is going to be a really fun look at things that I find curious, whether it's a menstrual cup, it might be the Romanoff family, it might be fracking, it could be Carly Fiorina. I don't even know. Who knows? It's going to be whatever I think is interesting. I can't wait to bring it to you guys. We're going

to be bringing in content experts. I'm going to be learning the things. It's only going to take about 30 minutes for you to expand your baby brains with me and have a super fun time. So I can't wait to see you on our first episode of Getting Curious. Before Overheards, we... Well, we got some mail. Now, we don't usually get mail because we don't give out our address. Yeah. But someone wrote us and said, can I have your address? Well, the truth is we give out our address.

Yeah, we're not... We don't play hard to get. Well, the only thing I say is if someone emails me and says, hey, can I get your address to send you something? I always make them reply and say, make sure that they're not a creep. And so they have to take an oath that they are not a creep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's my home address.

But should we get a P.O. box or something? Oh, sure. How does that work? You have to go down to where the P.O.A. boxes are, which is filled with creeps. Yeah, that's true. So we got a letter from someone named... Well, we don't want to say last name. So A.B.

A.B. From Lewiston, New York. Yeah. And they sent a box of... And we started opening it off the air and we thought, oh, this is good. Let's try it on the air. Yeah. So the first thing that we opened was.

Well, should we save that for last? Oh, okay. Sure. Because that's a thing we'll do. And they wrote us a letter. Hi. Oh, it's Andrew B. Andrew B.

Hi, Andrew. Thanks for sending the stuff. This is, getting stuff is always neat. Yeah. That never goes away. Especially brown paper packages tied up with string. Yeah. So it's a bunch of things that are wrapped in newspaper.

I'll give this to you. Thank you. But I don't know what they, oh, yeah. On this page, they're advertising the Chamber Gala 2016. Porter Empty Return Center is Ransomville. Ransomville. Wow. Wow.

I mean, the history there. That is a great. How'd you get the money to start this town? I don't want to say. We abducted Mel Gibson's son. Now, this is for Dave on it Does yours say for anyone? No, no, this is not

Mine doesn't say for anyone either Let's all open ours at the same time Wait, no, this one says for Mark Little Weird Oh, someone has sent me Someone, Andrew Has sent me what seems to be a set of lotion gloves so this is fantastic oh graham got a uh a little hulk hogan it's a hulk hogan

but he's carrying a newspaper oh that's good tall coke and deuce that is fantastic craft project Craft project. This is really great. This one is... It's called an Elden Home Kit for testing of ABO and RHD blood groups. Does this mean something to you guys? No, but it has a little note. It has a note. It's a thank you note. It says, thank you.

Your quote, it says, get to know us. How about we get to know your guests a bit better with dot dot dot what's your blood type oh it's a pitch for a new segment oh cool each eldon home kit has everything you need to discover your blood type in about five minutes i know my blood do you guys know your blood type yeah i'm uh whatever universal donor oh type o type O, negative. Yeah. Nice. Oneg. Oneg. Do you know yours, Mark? I don't.

Really? Oh. Yeah. That's. I should know. That's a dead giveaway that I've never given blood and I have no good reason. I think one time I meant to when I was in college and then I was like, class. Yeah.

I got to get to class. You ended up taking some blood. The first time I went to give blood, they denied me because my pulse was too fast. I was like, class! Yeah. I gotta get to class. You ended up taking some blood. The first time I went to give blood, they denied me because my pulse was too fast. I was too nervous. Oh, really? Like they thought you would pass out?

They were just like, you're above the reading. We can allow. Oh, wow. And so I left. Like I went with a group of people and then you go to these private, you have to have a private one-on-one with a nurse.

And then I just left without telling my group and they were all worried. Because I'm like, I'm not going to stick around and watch you guys give blood. And the other thing that Andrew sent was this. It's a trucker cap. Thank you, Andrew, for sending these. This is great.

It says, this hat was used to perform a helicopter head spin and signed by a celebrity b-boy and member of Australia's Got Talent winning Justice Cruz Samson Smith. Signed on the brim? Signed on the brim there.

And it's got the Orange Crush logo and he says this is a real deal celebrity crush hat. Now Mark, we have a segment, or we had a segment. Yeah, we haven't done it in a long time, but it's fun. Called Celebrity Crush Hat. And we would like you to join in with us. Let's play the theme song.

Celebrity crush hat, crushing the hats. Celebrity crush hat, go fuck yourself. Celebrity crush hat, Chapeau Chinois. Celebrity Crush Hat. Crush Hat. Here's how Celebrity Crush Hat works. I have placed a bunch of numbers in this hat. Okay.

Numbers between, I think, 11 and 30. Okay. Although I only did odd numbered ones. It doesn't matter. Yeah, it's a bunch of numbers. It's a bunch of numbers. You pick out a number at random, and you will tell us the celebrity you had a crush on at that age.

Ooh, this is going to be tough. Okay. Well, I know you were a late bloomer. I was a late bloomer, yeah. So let's hope it's a late age. Because if it's early, it's going to be weird. It's going to be someone from California Dream. Yeah, totally.

This is 13. Oh, 13. Okay's going to be someone from California Dream. Yeah, totally. This is 13. Oh, 13. Okay. Or B. B. I'm like, I want to read this. So this is like prime late blooming age. Well, that's pre-puberty for old Papa.

Uh-huh. Yeah. I had crushes before puberty, though. Yeah, that's true. I did, too. But all my crushes, they were not celebrities. They'd probably be like Katie from school puberty, though. Yeah, that's true. I did, too. But all my crushes would probably, they were not celebrities. They'd probably be like Katie from school.

Oh, yeah. She had it. She had it going on. Who was 13? 13 might have been Kathy Ireland. Uh-huh. Oh, Kathy Ireland. That might have been it.

Yeah. I think Loaded Weapon had come out around that time. Oh, and she's the love interest. Emilio Estevez. Yeah. And she does that scene where it's parodying, I think, Basic Instinct, where she like,

that scene where she spins around, but like, crosses and recrosses her legs. Yeah. Is that Basic Instinct? Yeah. I've never seen the original, but yeah,

they did a parody of that scene, which was, for me, just the sexiest. But then, she turns to walk all the way around in the chair, and then she turns back

and it's just a stuffed beaver. And all the men looking at it go, oh, and I remember being 13 and not knowing what that meant and i think on screen it flashed gratuitous beaver shot that's right it totally did yeah but you're like what what is that yeah it was like beavers man yeah man i had no reason to think it was anything but a bee i think any beaver any spoof movie of that era had to have a literal beaver yeah totally um you know apparently like she did that scene and the director kathy ireland did no no the the sharon stone uh-huh oh there's no lore about kathy ire Ireland doing a parody of that she actually

dated the stuff oh no that's where they met that's where they got the idea for the

Mel Gibson movie of years later oh my god the beaver see how does that get I don't know

how did that get made but yeah the the director was like oh no don't worry

nobody can see anything it'll go by and that became the whole movie right yeah Yeah, the director was like, oh, no, don't worry. Nobody can see anything. It'll go by. And then that became the whole movie, right? Yeah. Right. That was like, that's, but it also made her like the most famous woman. That's Sharon Stone, yes? Yeah, Sharon Stone.

But that, could you, again, I've never seen it. Could you see stuff? That's. Or it's just implied that the characters in the room. No, you can. No, no, you can. Yeah, that's the whole thing. I'm characters in the room no you know no you can yeah that's the whole thing i'm still not sure what you saw yeah uh but yeah that was the whole thing that

he was like no the shadow don't worry but also like she's completely naked 10 times in the movie but you that's the only time you see the the that area ah that area area. It cannot be named, apparently. The Voldemort. The Voldemort. I'm not afraid to say it. Yeah. It's not afraid. In that shot, it looks in the shadows. Doesn't have a nose.

If there's one thing I can say about female genitalia, it's that it doesn't have a nose. Prove me wrong. Prove me wrong. Prove me wrong. Do you, either of you, still have celebrity crushes? Oh, sure. Like, you mean like modern people that I... Yeah, today.

Yeah, I think... Usually it's more like in a TV commercial than yeah yeah i feel like there's um maybe it's t-mobile there's like a girl who works at the verizon verizon right i know who you mean totally yeah right yeah i have these thoughts yeah she's a stand-up in la you can just go down there and meet her. Yeah, she's super. Yeah. There are like, I feel like I don't get the same crush feelings I used to. You know what I mean?

Yeah, no. Like, I'll see a pretty lady and I'll be like, yeah, great. Like, who cares? Yeah. I got a daughter. I got bills. What are you doing for me what am I what am I gonna appreciate Annie Clark

from St. Vincent's face above her music I don't have time for this it's a good way to be it's just I feel like it would be exhausting oh have it

yeah to like when I'm down at my job at the police station and i open up my locker and it's just full of pictures of jessica chastain people are gonna start asking questions but when i was younger there was adults like my friends dads would have pictures up in their like workshop yeah and i always thought that was very like that's weird but were they were they of celebrities or were they just of like it was just pretty ladies pretty ladies from anonymous

pretty ladies yeah oh what the boobs hanging out of my overalls yeah but it was like i don't know i never understood i didn't like when i was a kid i didn't have posters of ladies up on my wall well yeah you were a kid no but even as a Yeah, but you didn't want your parents being like... But didn't you have like a friend you'd go over and they just, it was like wall-to-wall pictures of ladies on the wall and you were like, eh. What are you? I got a picture of Slimer on my wall.

I think I also had a giant, well, I know I also had a giant poster of a chimpanzee dressed in a business suit, like answering a phone at a desk. I still have that. On my wall of my current apartment. Do you? I have a chimp in a business suit answering a phone. Yeah, and I think you could personalize it.

There's like a little placard on the desk that you could like order away in a catalog because it had my dad's name on it. Weird. I have a weird variation on that. I didn't know. I guess it was my dad's name on it. Weird. I have a weird variation on that. I didn't know. I guess it was like a dogs playing poker sort of thing. Yeah, that's what I had on my wall as a kid and then I'd go over to my friend's house and it was like, cast of

Baywatch. I had a Baywatch friend for sure. He was the first guy who made me a burned CD or a burned DVD and it contained porno oh he's like watch it to the end when you said burn cd i didn't know but he was but it was also my first burn cd so he'd be like we got some slipknot on here and we've also got in a folder marked microsoft word some goodies for you i didn't know what that meant and then i checked it out i was like oh god

more slipknot that was always strange when a friend wants to share that with you like no no it's fine yeah yeah i've got a folder over here for you no i'm good i'm good i don't want to see the world through your eyes oh boy should we uh move on to Overheard? Yeah Alright Overheard Now Overheard We hear those things

Out in the world Funny things And then we come back here To the podcast We share them Sharing's fun We always like to start With the guest

If you have one Locked and loaded And ready to go. Do you do overseens at the same time as overwords? Absolutely, yeah. Because I've got something I took a photo of on my way to the airport. Beautiful. I'll show it to you, but I'll also describe what I'm showing.

But it's, come on, where do we go here? It's a photo of a billboard, and it's a Mercedes billboard. And, and the, the tagline, the sales pitch is MILF, M I L F MILF Mercedes. I'd like to flaunt.

That's how Mercedes is advertising their cars. Now I thought it was going to be Mercedes. I'd like to finance. Oh, Jesus. Oh, Jesus. Oh, boy. So MILF is still, for any American Pie fans out there, MILF

is still going strong. Yeah. Stifler's gotten to that age where maybe he's got a little nest egg he can afford. Our culture is aging with Stifler. Yeah. Well, what's that in Stifler years? Oh, man.

What am I going to put on my tombstone? I only got the Stifler option. There's another American Pie movie coming down the pipe line.

American Pipe. Because they did Reunion. That was the big. Is this a new one with the original cast? With the original cast. With the original cast. The whole original cast.

They've all given up. They've all given up. Yeah, because for a while, I think for two of them, what's his name? Klein? Chris? Chris Klein, yeah. He wasn't. He's above them.

But now he's back in the mix. Remember when Fast and the Furious, it was like after number one, it was like two, three, four or something. Vin Diesel and Paul Walker were both like, um we're gonna go off on our careers and then they both came back yeah for the reason we all knew which was a failure in other avenues but then they were so good about being like we're back because we want to be and they just tripled down on the franchise uh do you remember when vin diesel said that it should win the os. If it didn't, it was like a scam.

Anyway. So what? It was a scam. If Fast and Furious doesn't win the Oscar, it's because it's rigged. Oh, but it's... Well, it did win the Golden Globe. Yeah, for best time with Vin on set. Gotta love that, Vin.

Come get it, Vin. He does have a golden globe. His head. Good. Thanks. Yeah, real good. But, no, I had it and I lost it. I caught you off.

You were talking. Sorry, we're on American Reunion here. Oh, no. Yeah, it's just coming and I don't know who wants it. I'll tell you who. Mercedes fans. They're ready. Speaking of April Fool's jokes,

on April 1st, I got an email from Netflix saying like, here's a new show you might like. But it was a real show and it's Ashton Kutcher and Danny Masterson also from that 70s show

and they're on a ranch. The ranch. Yeah. The ranch. But like the fact that you sent me an April 1st email featuring one of the world's greatest pranksters. That's true. Like he was, I forget that that was a phase of.

Who are the greatest pranksters of all time? George Clooney. Alan Funt. Mel Gibson. Howie Mandel. The original prankster from the offspring song um yeah uh i guess brad pitt did a crazy one like uh on like new year's eve he like had a bunch of people at like a house that he rented in mexico and then at uh just after midnight like they cut the power to the house and a bunch of people came in and SWAT uniforms and took away one of the party guests.

It was all just a prank. Wow. But you know, like presumably at a Hollywood party in Mexico, there were probably a lot of drugs being done and people were like, oh shit, this is for real. And you know,

but then Brad, he probably didn't lose any friends over it. No, I like that. Brad, you got us. Thanks for money ball. Dave, do you have an overword? Oh, yeah. Speaking of Mexico, I was at a Mexican restaurant. And there was a lady behind me in line.

And while I was paying, she was ordering. And, um, uh, one of the things on the menu is, uh, tinga de pollo. Right. Some kind of chicken in a taco. And, uh, she was at, she was very, she wanted to get the pronunciation right. And she was saying to the guy behind the counter, like, is it tinga or tinga? And the guy says, it's, it's tinga. And she says, okay, like, is it tinga or tinga? And the guy says, it's tinga.

And she says, okay, I'll have one tinga de polo. She wanted to make sure she pronounced that one word right. Yeah, it's fun. I don't know. It's fun to try and nail the pronunciation of something that you don't. I do it at restaurants sometimes. But then be way off on the word that you think you know. Or like when, but then sometimes you'll order it and you think that you've nailed it. And then the waiter says back to you what the real pronunciation is.

And you're like, oh, brother. Totally. Yeah. It's like when Google's like, did you mean pasta fazool? That is my go-to on any meal. What do you got in the fazool? Oh, we got a pasta. Do you have an overheard?

I do. Mine is from a, I'm not proud of this, but I was eating at a Subway. And I was behind a guy. I feel like a guy's on his, uh, break from construction job. Uh, and, uh, he's, uh, I think up until this point he was completely polite. Uh, he was like, you know, I want this and that topping. I want lettuce and, uh, and, uh, some jalapenos. And then he goes, uh, a shitload of olives.

And you could tell that the, you know, that the person wasn't going to question it, but he put on olives and like, is that a shitload? Sir. Yes, sir. Yeah, so I don't know. A shitload of olives was. I've never heard. It's weird that I've been to Subway so many times in my life,

and I've never heard anybody just be that kind of sweary with the ordering. Usually they just say more or they don't... Yeah. I feel like that's the kind of guy who would have a t-shirt that clarifies that, like a fun novelty t-shirt he's made himself that would say, like, if you don't know what a shitload is, and then on the back it says, it a lot you know yeah one of those kinds of shirts maybe i'm only thinking of that because yesterday i watched a cooking show where a guy was like going around

wearing a t-shirt saying yeah i know guacamole is yes i hate that i got so have you been at chipotle been to chipotleotle? I've been once. And you ask for guacamole and they have to tell you it's extra. And people give them attitude like they're not in danger of getting fired. Yeah. Yeah, I know it's extra. Well, I know, but I have to tell you this because I'm making minimum wage right now. And because I'm sure it was because people would get their fucking receipt and be like,

what's this? Yeah, totally. What's this extra charge for guacamole? You didn't say it when I ordered it. Yesterday I went to, while I was in America, I went to Qdoba? Qdobo? What? Qdoba?

Yeah, Qdoba. Pollo. Pollo. That's the best point. And it's a Chipotle style building burrito thing and they have a sign specifically saying guacamole is included oh oh yeah cut above sega does what nintendo don't Oh, boy.

Now, we also have overheard sent into us from people all over the world. If you want to send one into us, you can send it into spy at maximumfund.org. And this first one comes from Emily in Connecticut. I was at a dinner party at a pretty nice restaurant. Pretty nice. Must be nice. Sitting next to a table of business-suited super bros who were talking very loudly about music. I couldn't really hear what they were saying until it got a little quieter,

and one guy very proudly told his friend, but we changed the words to West Jamaica instead of West Virginia. Yeah, it was really cool. I think it's that song. Country Home, Take Me to Rome? Yeah, instead of West Virginia

Mountain Mama. Oh, it's so weird. That's exactly what you were talking about earlier. French Town. That's come up again. Ten-year-old children has been a theme for sure. Oh, absolutely. We got something going here. Kismet.

God is alive and he's here and he's got a sense of humor. Serendipity. This is the only podcast where God has a sense of humor. Where God is the fourth microphone. It's like a Footprints poem, but with just like a XLR cable leading to nowhere what about the time when there was only

one microphone that's when I sold your guys yeah cause yeah you had to crowd around mine pay for my heroin

habit so you could crowd around mine we all speak into one microphone here yeah that would be cool

like backup singers in the 50s. Totally. Or like rock and rollers when they're like showing how much they, how close they are to each other. Yeah. Yeah. Like when Steven bounces over from his own mic to sing into Joe's.

Joe Perry's. Oh, Joe's. It's like they're practically kissing and then the crowd goes like, ah, they still like each other. They're toxic twins, these two. Oh yeah. This past week, Axl Rose and Slash on stage together for the first time. April Fool's.

I know. God, I was so nervous. This next one comes from Will in Maryland. I was out to lunch with three coworkers talking about one of their houses being under construction. Co-worker one, eight inches makes a big difference. Co-worker two, that's what she said. We all had a good laugh, then

after a short pause, co-worker three, who was apparently unfamiliar with this joke, said, wait, so who said that? Which, if you didn't know the way that that went, then you would be like, oh, I'm lost. I'm lost. Totally. It's cool that Coworker 3 is Brick from Anchorman.

Yeah. That's pretty fun. Two of the characters are Steve Carell. Hey, one might be Champ. Let's be honest. What, um, he just makes a lot, like, that's

but like I can't even imagine the span oh of uh penises oh I have no idea I don't know there's probably

some real there's some real long ones out there and some real short ones real short ones you know I guess it of course it must make a

that's a big difference yeah yeah that's a big difference. Yeah, that's what she said. And then her friend said, understatement of the year, Sheila. Yeah. Of course it does. I like, I like making an amendment to the that's what she said line where there's another woman there commenting on the first woman who said that thing. Understatement of the year, Sheila. And so she's different than she?

Yeah. She's her friend. She and Sheila. She and Sheila. I like that. That's what Sheila said. This is fun. Good. This is fun and good. This last one comes from I don't know if I know how to pronounce where

this person's from. Lewis in Ilfracombe, United Kingdom. All right. All right. Move to London. We can pronounce it. United Kingdom. Yeah. That's suspiciously vague.

Yeah. You can pick a country. Yeah. Which one? Which is probably, he's a shamed man from Wales. Ooh. Yeah. Don't tell us. Which one? Which is probably, he's a shamed man from Wales. Ooh, yeah. Don't tell us.

Two women in their late 20s were browsing the crisps aisle at Tesco. That's a story check. Like this. Woman one, let's get healthy crisps. Woman two, no way. I'm going on holiday. I need to put on weight. Wow.

Yeah, that's not. Everything's really different over there. I'm going to the ice hotel. That's right. I'm going on holiday in a very cold country. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's, that's something you don't hear. You don't hear over here. It's refreshing.

Yeah. I, I don't think I've ever done any prep for any holiday that I've ever taken. I mean, packing, but that's about it. I'm not booking the tickets. Oh, sure. But I've never, you know, like people will go and get a pre-tan. Sure. Or they'll like get a haircut to go on holiday.

I don't know. Surely there's other things. You don't get a haircut for any reason. No. For no man. Yeah. Yeah. But like, do you?

Have you been on a holiday and like done? Have I ever worried about my beach bod? Or done any kind of holiday prep? What else is there other than beach bod? Like you were finding things that you want to do in the place. I've never done that. I've done that a bit. A bit.

Yeah. If you go to like a city instead of a beach, then there's sort of. Then you got to research a bit. Yeah. I guess if it's like a place you need to, you're going to go to a show on Broadway, maybe book tickets in advance. Yeah. See, that's always been my downfalls. I'll get there and I'll be like, ah, I'm sure.

I'll show up day of. Yeah. There'll be scalpers. I'll be able to get in that weird ticket lineup. That's a fun place to spend an afternoon. Yeah, exactly. When you hear that familiar phrase, kinky boots is sold out. The bane of many a vacationer in the mean streets of Toronto.

Kinky boots has been playing for months. Is that right? I don't know what else is playing. Mirvish. Yeah, Mirvish. Mirvish loves a pair of kinky boots. Now, wasn't there also, I feel like it was David Arquette

was Sherlock Holmes. Yeah. I know, right? In some sequel to Tremors. What? Sherlock Holmes is back and he's dumber than ever. Yeah, like if the show

was about a dumb Sherlock Holmes. It's very hard to shake that your whole career has been playing a dumb guy and now you're like, I'll play one of the smartest people of literature. Yeah. It's the story of what Watson does when Sherlock gets very badly hurt in the head. And only wants to smoke weed out of a bong. badly hurt in the head and only wants to smoke weed out of a bong. Why is Sherlock Holmes wearing a Hawaiian shirt?

Sherlock Holmes keeps calling me buddy. Yeah. He says rad in every other sentence. Doesn't he have that signature hat? It's not a visor. Sherlock Holmes fell into another hedge. Oh, man. What's the school you graduated from, Sherlock Holmes?

Elementary. Here, in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you would like to call us, Our phone number is 206-339-8328 Like these people have Hi Dave Graham Improbable guest This is Jordan from Vancouver With an overheard I was on the bus

And there was this little kid Giving a running commentary To his mom He pointed to a minivan And said That's the car I want And pointed to a jeep And said

That's the car I want to look at I want to pointed to a Jeep and said, that's the car I want to look at. I want to sit in that car and look at that car. I want to always be driving behind the Jeep. I think the guy she's dating right now is teaching him creepy lessons. Overhearing bad things. Yeah. I don't think when I was a kid, I never had friends who were like oh yeah i want a car this car so bad lamborghini gundash ferrari chester rosa yeah

and i was like i don't care yeah i give a shit hey mom this is what i want to airbrush onto my first van but like yeah i guess he wants a minivan though yeah hard to airbrush i don't know i remember like then being like an adult and like not having any money and talking to my friends and how the priorities of like what kind of car you want changed for some people and not for others and oh right like i still want the fastest car. But I was like, I just want something really comfortable and, like, all leather. Yeah. And something that, you know, you don't have to take it to get fixed. A lot, you know?

Totally. Sensible. Good gas mileage. Remember when I was in grade seven, we'd all draw pictures in class of the cars we wanted. And I always wanted a Beetle. And I think I was just sort of an insufferable guy who was seeking out, i'm not like you a little turd yeah but i did but i would say i want a beetle with a spoiler on it you know for the so it doesn't fly off the surface of the ground i don't even know where you'd put the spoiler on the back probably but is there this is not really like i guess there's a little

bumpy trunk i saw do you Do you know how a Porsche has the trunk in the front and the engine's in the back? That's how I like my women. That's what Sheila said. This is something you thought about when you were 13. Put the butt on the front.

Put the butt on the front. Put her heart in her back. Is that the engine? Yeah, the engine's in the heart. But her heart in her back. Is that the engine? Yeah, the engine's the heart. Butt on the front, heart on the back. But I just saw a guy struggling to put bags in the front of his Porsche. And I'm like, yeah, that is a dumb design. Yeah.

Also, any two-seated car is pretty dumb. You know? I mean, if it's just you and another person it's fine i know but the grocery bags you're like shoving it into this tiny little ah or you know that person has to sit with the grocery bag on their lap and it's gonna be a convertible for sure so the carrots are gonna be flapping around giant green leaves coming out the top of your baguette probably snaps off under a tunnel and you're yelling at your passenger squeeze those carrots oh boy you're picturing a paper bag too oh you know it's all paper bag with traditional groceries your entire conception of the world is a Looney Tunes cartoon. Bunch of carrots.

Poking out the top. Why would carrots be on top? Just lay them horizontal and put them on the bottom. They're a load-bearing vegetable. Yeah, it's a cartoon, Graham. You've got to just imagine that only the most easy-to-draw foods would be poking out the top. Eggs.

Yeah. Chicken leg. Yeah. Alright, here's your next phone call. Hey, Dave, Graham, and guests. This is Tash from Ames, Iowa, calling in with an overheard. A couple of weeks ago, I attended the NCAA men's basketball tournament in Des Moines. For some reason, if you don't get in Canada, it's a college basketball tournament. It's huge.

It goes on at like eight different places over two days. For some reason, if you don't get in Canada, it's a college basketball tournament. It's huge. It goes on at like eight different places over two days. And I was watching the University of Kansas take on Austin Peay University. And as you know, during basketball events, sometimes they like to chant stuff like defense and stuff like that. So Kansas fans are chanting defense. And a child sitting two rows behind me, I just hear tell his father, aw, I thought they were chanting gee whiz. Gee whiz.

They all collectively saw something neat on the court. Gee whiz. Whenever the other team has the ball, we shout gee whiz rhythmically. That's very cute. Also, when was the last time anybody said gee whiz, right? That feels like that's a bygone era.

Golly. Golly, hot dog. These are all great things to yell when you're excited about something. Jiminy Christmas and when you're not allowed to swear. Holy cats is something they say in the original not allowed to swear. Yeah. Holy cats is something they say in the original thing. I think the thing.

Holy cats. The Howard Hawks if that's who directed it. The thing. Yeah. One of the scientists is like holy cats

there's something out there. Yeah. I like. Yeah. I also like from Jurassic Park hold on to your butts.

Hold on to your butts is terrific. Yeah. They never even in Jurassic World they didn't come up with a, they didn't up it. They didn't come up with a new phrase. Oh, yeah. To replace hold on to your butts.

Did they repeat hold on to your butts? I don't think so. Oh, okay. Yeah. They repeated something that elicited cheer. Clever Girl? No, maybe it was Clever Girl. I don't know.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. There was stuff. I think one of the characters went Clever Girls. Oh.'t know. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. There was stuff. I think one of the characters went clever girls. Oh. There's two of them. That's like the nature of all sequels.

Yeah. Just like make it plural now. Yeah. With a dollar sign. Yes. Hold on to all of your butts, hard girl. Let's all hang on to this. Hold on to your extra butts. Hold on to your of you. Let's all hang out. Hold on to your extra butts.

Hold on to your butts and. Here's your final overheard of 2016. Hi, friends. This is Elizabeth in Portland, Oregon. I'm calling with an overheard,

but also a little bit of a drunk dial, like a tipsy dial. Because I was on a bad first date with a boring man, and I just feel like there are no honorable good men left in the world. Except for you guys. You guys seem pretty cool. Yeah, we're pretty cool. Okay, I'll get to the overheard part now. Let's start over. Hi guys, it's Elizabeth in Portland, Oregon. I'm calling with an overheard. I was at the grocery store just now buying some potato chips to make myself feel better after a bad first date.

And the people in line in front of me were checking out. And the checker said to them in this exact voice, I swear I'm not exaggerating, he went, So, would you like me to do anything special with all this raw meat? I mean, put it in some sort of container. Yeah, maybe a hat or a brooch. Yeah. A pterodactyl. Oh yeah, make it into a fun shape.

Yeah. Would you consider brooch special? We're all leaning towards brooch. How do you think they had it? Just loose? Loose meats? In the bulk section? You just go and grab?

A meat barrel. It's from that dystopian future we were talking about earlier. That's the most popular restaurant in the dystopian future. Meat barrel. And you go with a blindfold. stick your arm in and whatever you get you got to bring your own scoop everybody's just scooping you yeah or that's one of those like uh the airtight booths with all the dollar bills flying around yeah just a bunch of steak just a bunch of meat parts whatever you catch you get yeah future so meaty i gotta wear some sort of face protection yeah

um wow what an episode it's a lot of fun thank you so much for being our guest well thanks for having me uh this is gonna come out on the oh let's call it uh 18th. 18th. Two days before 420. Oh. Yeah. Any big plans for Hitler's birthday? To celebrate the Columbine anniversary? Oh, geez.

Well, just in honor of that and everything else, I'll probably just pack a nice tight bowl. Smell good of an apple. We'll good of an apple. Carve out an apple. No, I'll probably get started on planning for next year's April Fool's Day. Oh yeah, do some brainstorming. Maybe get my prank kicked off before the year's out

and then just let it simmer. Just kidding everyone, I didn't mean all those things I said. Just an April Fool's. Did simmer just kidding everyone i didn't mean all those things i said yeah yeah dude did um love it's in lodeness was that the girl's name did they did they reveal it on the first that it was a joke no before the first oh oh what is going on that's what i'm talking about everybody's going cuckoo with the rules that we know are the rules yeah Yeah. At that point, it's not a, I mean, but it is just a prank. It just falls under prank then.

Yeah. They're not fool's gags. But it's also, it's also. I'm drawing a line in the sand. But it also was just a, what would you call it? What's the stunt? Yeah. Publicity.

Publicity stunt. Yeah. Yeah. Because I didn't, I had never heard of this person until this oh he's great he was on Saturday Night Live for years the wedding singer do you have anything

upcoming that you would like to plug just love to put a little bit of pressure on the special effects people Space Riders season 2 so just look for it in a place you probably wouldn't expect to find a show geo-blocked out of the States.

Yeah, so go to the opposite place where you think you would find a show. That's where it would be. Search Google Bell Canada and then find the weirdest outpost where they could bury a show. And probably the Google image search. Lots of big bells.

I imagine it will be our Crave TV at some point. I imagine Crave up here and then maybe on Hulu in the States. Okay. Who knows when? Who knows when? Whenever those effects get done. Whenever those effects get done. And you're on Twitter.

You're at? Mark Mark Little. Mark Mark Little. Not to be confused with a variety of other Half famous Mark Littles For real There's a lot of us There's a ceiling On how famous you can become

As a Mark Little Same with Graham Clarks Yep There's a Yeah they've They've got a There's an opera singer There's a

Jazz musician A couple of soccer players A couple of soccer players Yeah Popular name over in the Over in the UK United Kingdom yeah

what are your what are the other Mark Littles up to there's a DJ there's an Irish journalist and the most famous one was an Australian comedian or a British comedian

but he was in that soap opera Neighbors for a long time oh that is hilarious have you seen it no and uh

so he's the one that I occasionally people wish me a happy birthday or tell me they loved my show on Twitter. Nice. And they mean him. He's the one they mean. The comment you usually get is, what is this?

Yeah. That's what he's getting. The fan mail he's getting is from people being like, stop it. He just gets a lot of messages like so what exactly do you want for these special effects i don't know um and if you like uh the podcast head over to maxima fun.org check out the blog recap pictures and videos relating to the content of this podcast oh probably, probably Kathy Ireland will be on there. One of the pranks.

I'll send you my Mercedes Milf. Sure. Yeah. I like if there's a photo of Steven Tyler and Joe Perry singing into the same microphone. You know it. That's great. It's a threesome with a collection of scarves. Maybe the scarves were maybe from one of the Johnny Depp impersonators

Yeah Now also you can go We have a You can discuss the show, the episode on The Reddit The Maximum Fun subreddit You can also go to our Facebook group, there's discussion of the show

And just random other stuff that people Think pertains to the show. A lot of discussion about all-dress chips in the last couple of weeks. Oh, yeah. Like it's something we've ever talked about. Well, I think we've probably brought it up, but it's really, it's a Canadian thing, right? Yeah. A lot of just like, hey, Canada, what's up with this thing?

Yeah. Like, Graham and I are the ambassadors. I mean, it's fine. It's fine. If we're going to be the ambassadors for all ambassadors. I mean, it's fine. If we're going to be the ambassadors for all dressed chips, that's fine with me. It's not really a chip snacker. No? No.

You're more of like a waffle. Oh, I like a butter waffle cookie. Yeah, yeah. Just pull something out of the air. And yeah, thanks again for being a guest. Thank you very much for listening. And if you like the show, tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned.

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