Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 426 - Pete Zedlacher

Episode Date: May 16, 2016

Comedian Pete Zedlacher joins us to talk ski poles, vanity plates, and milk jewels.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 426 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who, he always looks so sharp in denim, Mr. Dave Shumka. This is chambray. Oh, sorry. I don't know, I don't know what that is.

It's the way it's woven. It's like denim. There's a blue thread and a white thread. But notice if you flip your jeans, if you cuff up your jeans, there's a different color on the inside. This is the same color on the inside. Chambray. Chambray. Wow. And now we know. They're both French. Yeah. Yep. Le jean. Le jean. That's where people call each other Jean. Named after jeans. Jean Valjean. Yeah, Jean. Les Miserables. He was Jean Valjean. Yeah, he was full Canadian tuxedo. And our guest today, first time guest on the podcast, very funny comedian, Mr. Pete Zedlack. Hello. Hello. Hi. Thanks for joining us. I'm giggling about your Jean Valjean Like denim shirt, denim pants Yeah, denim vest probably Oh yeah

Did he wear a vest? What was his look? You know Les Mis What was his look? Yeah, like what did Jean Valjean wear? Think of Wolverine Okay Now go back in time a while He starts off in prison.

Prison Denims. 24601. Levi's 501 Blues. Yeah, I think prison denim's a good look. You're not wrong. Yeah, you know, like you see sometimes they have those prison shows from the state. And the prisoners get to wear like a white t-shirt and like super dark like denim. And I'm like,

that's, that's as good as anything we've got on the outside. Man, that looks so cool to be in jail. Well, but like you sometimes see those jeans in stores or on people that like, they come pre distressed and like all the fades. Yeah. That's not happening with prison denim.

No, it's crisp. Yeah. Those are all. That's freshly starched. Every fade you get on those jeans is from a beating you've taken with a sock full of oranges or whatever. That's what they used to call, you know, jumping in into a gang. They'd whisker your jeans.

That's how you can tell a new guy in jail. Look how nice and clean his jeans are. Look at that fish. You would not want to have nice jeans in prison. Should we get to Noah's? Yeah. Get to Noah's. Now, Pete, you're traveling across the country. I am.

This is something, do you do this every year? Do you do kind of like a, like a countrywide circuit? Um. Country and Western tour. A country and Western tour. And you hit all the honky tonks. This time I'm hitting, uh, Victoria, Vancouver, uh, Toronto, Winnipeg, Montreal, Calgary.

So kind of back and forth. Yeah. That's some, that's some, uh, that's some strange travel. Well, yeah. Rock bands go in one direction, right? Yeah. Well, especially one direction. Oh yeah. Yeah. That's some, that's some, uh, that's some strange travel. Well, yeah. Rock bands go in one direction, right? Yeah.

Well, especially one direction. Oh yeah. Sure. They're my favorite rock band. I know. As soon as I said it, I was like,

well, he's going to call me out on this. Oh man. Um, but yeah, you're doing a flights and I really am the band. So yeah, it was just one person.

Yeah. You can fly anywhere. How do you find that? Because, like, I feel like when you first start touring, every town that you go to, you're like, I got to go do the thing in the town. I got to go see the whatever. I got to eat at the place. The ball of twine. I've got to go, you know, see the, go to the freak show.

I got to. Yeah. Whatever. The haunted wax museum. Yeah. What town would have the giant ball of yarn? Oh, I mean, maybe that's more of an American thing. Yeah.

I think it's a roadside. Yeah. I think we have a giant nickel here. Yeah. Sudbury. Yeah. And we have a giant hockey stick somewhere. Duncan.

Yeah. You're right. Yeah. There's like. What are our. My hometown of Wawa has a giant goose. Okay. Wawa like. What are our. My hometown of Wawa has a giant goose. Okay. The Wawa goose.

Famous. I know Selkirk, Manitoba has the world's largest statue of a channel catfish. So that's something. Medicine Hat, Alberta has the world's largest teepee. Oh, really? Which they bought from Calgary after the Olympics for a million dollars. Whoa. Yeah. That's some real estate. Oh really? Which they bought from Calgary after the Olympics for a million dollars. Whoa.

Yeah. That's some real estate. And I know this because my girlfriend Melody is from Medicine Hat and she likes to talk about the giant teepee all the time. Yeah. And she's a giant fan of this podcast. So she's very excited. When you say teepee, you mean like the tent thing? Yeah. The tent thing.

That's what the natives call it. Not toilet paper. That would be more of a tourist attraction for me. Yeah. A giant toilet paper. Like a big roll of toilet paper. It's like maybe weather resistant. Or not.

Yeah. We've laminated a giant roll of toilet paper. It's just the cardboard and then a mush all around. There's a, I can't remember the name of the town, but it's got the world's largest Kielbasa sausage It's got like a huge statue of a Kielbasa sausage in the middle of the town

And it looks It just looks like a giant piece of shit I was expecting a giant dick I was going with dick I'm guaranteed somebody stood in front of that With a crotch Like the leaning tower piece Only with the Cause I'm guaranteed somebody stood in front of that, like, going like, yeah. Like the leaning tower piece.

Guaranteed. Yeah. I guess like a small town is like, if we have one of those things, people will come to the town or at least they'll know the town. The idea that Wawa had was building a giant goose was that the trans Canada highway was being built. Right. And Wawa was slightly building a giant goose was that the Trans-Canada Highway was being built. Right. And Wawa was slightly off of the Trans-Canada Highway. So they're trying to get people to come off the highway to come in and.

See this goose. See the goose. It's a roadside attraction. Roadside attraction. Literally trying to get people in to purchase goods and items and then head on down the highway. Have lunch. Yeah. I guess like the highway trip used to really be the thing. Right. Like in the sixties, like. See the USA in your Chevro lunch. Yeah, I guess like the highway trip used to really be the thing.

Right? Like in the 60s, like. See the USA in your Chevrolet. Yeah. Right? Motels. Yeah. That was all about

gas foodies. Motown music. Yeah, most exactly. Mo' Better Blues, that movie. Yeah. Oh, the car culture is alive in Mo' Better Blues.

I don't know if I've ever fallen for it. Like I have definitely as a kid been like, dad, pull over. There's a giant apple. We have to look at this giant apple. Or like, that looks like a water slide. And then it's just a scrap yard. Yeah. Like I don't see any signs for water slide, but I got a pretty good imagination.

Yeah. I'm trying to think of the last time that I like. Now, I went with my dad in Alberta. There's a small town that has a prairie dog museum where somebody is like made little scenes and stuff yeah like taxidermied um prairie dogs yeah clothes on them or naturalistic no no they've got like there's one where like a prairie dog's wearing like a leather jacket he's got a motorcycle and then there's another one veljean yeah tops and bottom denim and then there's another one in like a hoop skirt like it's like a 50s romance scene.

And have you been? No, I've heard of it. I'm trying to remember the town because, uh, the TV show I used to write for is still standing, um, goes to these little tiny towns. That was one of the towns that was being considered. And that was probably the only interesting thing in that town. It's well, I mean, that's the case of all these towns is like, it's the goose. Well, I mean, that's it. I think that's the case of all these towns. It's like, it's the goose town.

Although, like, there's a, like, if you can cross over from roadside attraction to be, like, an actual attraction, like, then you've got it made. Oh, so. Like, I remember when we went to Alberta, and I was a kid, and we were like, well, we have to go, not just as part of, we happen to be there. We have to go out of our way to go to the dinosaur museum in Dino town. So that's like a proper attraction attraction. Drumheller. In Drumheller. Oh yeah. That's well, there's a giant dinosaur there.

Like, yeah, that's as an adult, I want to go see that. Take a picture with the dinosaur as you're dead. Yeah. take a picture with a dinosaur as your dick yeah it's a I feel like if you're a small town and you have an attraction and then a big famous murder happens in your town

then you've hit the jackpot right I'm gonna come and see where that cause that making a murderer town probably I bet you their tourism has gone through

I bet you you're right people wanna check out the scrap yard yeah they want to see the scrap yard they want to see all the bad haircuts oh

yeah they want to go to the barber who's responsible for all those haircuts they want to go to that lawyer who was hitting on

wasn't he like sexually harassing a woman it was texting inappropriately yeah but he was like who's the guy with a $200,000 throat that's right I bet that buys a pretty nice house over there oh yeah we could go see his house It was texting inappropriately. Yeah, but he was like, who's the guy with a $200,000 throat?

Like, I bet that buys a pretty nice house over there. Oh, yeah. We could go see his house. If we go at the right time of day, we could see him taking in his paper or something. Oh, yeah. So you need a roadside attraction and a murder. Yeah. In your town to get tourism. I want to start a town that just has,

our roadside attraction is just sort of unorthodox dicks that you can photograph yourself next to. Yeah, like cannons. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Giant bananas. Yeah, exactly. A box of sausage. And it'll even have little footprints of where to stand,

so it looks the best. This is really a great idea. Great idea. It's the, uh, yeah, come on. Swing into dick down.

Forced perspective phalluses. Although I don't like forced in any kind of dick, dick stuff. Yeah. Um, so you're, you're, you've had a,

a firsthand experience with these. With the small town living. I have. You grew up in a small town? Yeah. Born and raised in Wawa, Ontario. Graduated high school in June. And then moved away in July.

That was it. And that was it, eh? Yeah. So small town, you'd had fully enough by the time you were. I did. I did. There was a lot of world I wanted to check out. Yeah.

You wanted to melon camp around this place. I wanted to check. You were born in a small town, but oh boy. We went on down the road. Yeah. I want to see this big world. Do you ever like keep in touch with people who stayed? Oh yeah.

In a small town? Yeah. Yeah. I got lots of buddies that are still up there. What is there? Is there a mill or something? Used to be in a small town? Yeah. Yeah. I got lots of buddies that are still up there. What is there? Is there a mill or something? Used to be an iron ore town. Okay.

The iron ore town closed in the nineties. So the town that I grew up in had, I was told 7,500 people at one time when I was like a young kid. Okay. But I remember. That's quite small. It's a meaty town. Okay.

Yeah. I'm saying it's quite small. You're saying it's quite meaty. Let's meet in the middle a meatball yeah it's a juicy town then i got about 5 000 when i was a teenager and now i think it's 2200 oh it feels empty yeah wow it's like survivor it's just a long reality show people get voted off we've had enough of you now. But I've voted off the soup.

They graduate high school. And I'm like, what is the town like? Are there just like abandoned houses? No, no, no, no. There's still people living in houses there. But like if the. If it was housing 7,500 people. Absolutely.

There is businesses you can notice, you know, like. Yeah, yeah. The Hudson Bay Company closed down. That's a big, giant, empty building now. Cool. See, that's the type of tourism I'd like to just go around and look and abandon things. But I would like them to like just, no one wants to move in, but let's just turn everything into like a low maintenance, whatever, like roller hockey rink. Like on one floor of the department store.

On the next floor, it's. It's all day, all night raves. Yeah. There's a bowling alley in Wawa and it's for sale now for $110,000, which does not sound like a lot of money to buy a bowling alley. Although, yeah, like, I don't know. Like, I don't know what, I don't know how much a bowling alley makes. Can you live there?

There's apartments above it, as a matter of fact, yeah. Oh, boy, what a life. Did I just tell you that I'm a real estate agent? Look, you don't ever have to leave. You can even get the concession stamp. How many apartments are there? Graham and I might be looking for a change. Yeah, we might be interested in buying.

I think, like, that would really scratch 10-year-old Graham's itch of living. Yeah. Living above a bowling alley? How cool is that? It's five pin, though. That's the disappointing part. But you know what? It's mine.

I can do whatever I want. I can put however many pins I want. Yeah, that's true. Some lanes are going to be five. Some are going to be 10. Some are going to be laser tank. Graham, let's low ball them. Like, just because they're asking 110.

I bet you they'd take 80. You think? Sure. Yeah, they'd take, I bet you they'd take 75. You're talking crazy now. They'd be like 75, but we're taking all the shoes. I'm like, fine. You think I can't find cheaper shoes?

It'll be the world's only barefoot bowling yeah just make sure you chalk up your feet so they slip around yeah oh this sounds really good chalk up your feet yeah that's what i would imagine just have like big troughs of chalk to step in. Like gymnasts do with their hands. Yeah, yeah. The, yeah, like I've noticed that when I've gone to small towns, like I was in a place called Williams Lake. There was a theater for sale and it was like 60 grand.

I was like, I could be a theater owner. You and Yakov Smirnoff, you can just have... I want to go to that town. I want to go to Branson. Yeah. It's just fascinating. One of my favorite Simpsons jokes is they go to Branson, Missouri, and then they see the show called

That's Familiar. They say it's Vegas if Ned Flanders ran it. And so what's going on? You've done this, you're midway through this tour, this Zig Zag tour. The Zed Lacker Zig Zag tour. The Zig Zag tour, yeah. Sponsored by Zig Zags. Amazing idea.

You tell me now. Zig Zags, yeah. Sponsored by Zigzags. Amazing idea. You tell me now. Oh, wow. You know, next year. Have they ever sponsored anything? They're just like the go-to for- I don't think they need to have a- Yeah, exactly. They're the Kleenex of rolling papers.

Yeah. What's the other one? Rizla? Yeah, that's like the green package maybe with a gold- I'm thinking a silver package. Oh, maybe I'm thinking. Graham and I haven't rolled much in a while. But like, yeah, how did Zigzag, do you think that was by design?

It was part of the market, I don't know. Or were they just like, yeah, they just happened to be around. They got a cool name. Yeah, Zigzag, they got that cool pirate guy. Yeah, a little hipster dude with the beard and the toque. Yeah. Good logo. Yeah, they were there always.

Right. Yeah. But other tours get sponsored by companies. Right. Comedians never do. I never see whoever sponsored by. Unless it's an arena tour or whatever. Yeah, but even then.

Or if you go see Jerry Seinfeld in Caesar's Palace. Brought to you by Pizza Pizza. It would be more like Lexus. Lexus presents. Zig Zag is proud to present Jerry Seinfeld in Caesar's Palace. What? Well, judging by like the stuff you get in a comedy festival gift bag, that's like the kind of sponsor you would get. It would be like an energy drink.

Yeah. Just for last this year, this past year, I got a fleshlight. Yeah, same here. Yeah, the fleshlight. Still, like didn't want to leave in the hotel room. I did. I left it knocked out. Yeah, because I don't know what.

You don't want to bring it in your carry on. Uh, I, uh, checked it and, uh, and I have it. I checked it before you wrecked it. Uh, yeah, I don't know what, uh, I mean, it's, it was funny. Like it definitely was funny. I don't know. Was it, was it like, I don't know.

That cleaning staff must have had so many. I thought that same thing. Like they're cleaning up all the rooms after just for laughs and like, oh, here's another dick massaging machine. Dick massaging. You know, you're right. Fleshlight is catchier. I left it there. Yeah.

That's probably the, that was the smart thing to do, but it's like, man, it was, it was the talk of the festival. Yeah. I also have this,

oh, this is a weird one to bring up now, but I have this thing with my, with my mom. Anytime I get swag, I give her my swag. So she's got, you know,

shirts from every festival that I've done. And like, you know, rap party from TV shows that I've worked on. She's got the jacket from the Ron James show and all that. There's one of those with the leather sleeves. Yeah. It's really nice, right?

Yeah. And then, cause I'm not gonna, she appreciates that more than I would. Right. So then she wears it to lunch with her lady friends and they go, oh, is that the show Peter's working on? Well, yes, he is. But I couldn't give my mom the fleshlight. I was like, well, this, this can't even get past't give my mom the fleshlight. I was like, well, this can't even get past. Peter's dick massage.

She brings it to lunch. Yeah, can I get half iced tea, half lemonade in this? I don't know how one works. I assume there's at least a dick-sized volume of drink. Could you turn it down to a dick-sized volume of drink. Could you turn it down to a dick-sized volume, please? Boys. Oh, guys, we're hitting a lot of dick jokes here. Yeah.

This is a good one. Let's keep that dick ball rolling. The swag, that's the, like, I've always been blown away by the guys who wear the jackets from a club or from a, because I'm like, you know, you don't have to advertise this thing. Like, you could just buy another jacket or what have you. Like, just for last tour, gave us amazing jackets. Yeah. And I'm like, do I want to be that guy showing up at an open mic and be like, yeah, I've done this tour,

guys. So, just so you know, kind of a big deal. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to wear it. When am I on this? Am I on the 8th?

Okay, great. Cool, that's a primo spot for me. I think I would still, I mostly, like,

I get free t-shirts from like, stuff. Sure. And I mostly like, I get free t-shirts from like stuff. Sure. And I mostly just sleep in them. Right. Like a free t-shirt, that's a shirt you sleep in. Lots of good gym shirts.

Yeah, exactly. For sure. Yeah. But I remember, I don't think we got them, but I remember like a big thing when you graduate from elementary school was you would get like a hoodie with the your grad year on it quote-unquote grad yeah and like everyone's for some people that was as high as they ever got with uh everyone's signatures in it and i still see kids with them yeah that seems like uh although it's it's like a weird thing like uh i have this shirt that somebody gave me as a gift that's uh from uh gallagher 2

right right uh and it's signed so i don't it doesn't feel like something you can wear because it's got the signature on it it feels like it's like an like an artifact more than uh right yeah if somebody's like autographed it like it's autographed by gallagher 2 maybe it could be autographed by gallagher 3 for all i know um yeah you know you know the whole gallagher gallagher yeah is there a gallagher 3 not that i know of but i'm not writing it off as a possibility it's like any kind of uh guy with a mustache and like a hat and a wig could be Gallagher. I could be Gallagher.

You could be Gallagher. You could be Gallagher. Sure, we could all be Gallagher. What? There's a little bit of Gallagher inside all of us guys. Yeah, I mean, I could be Banksy. I knew that all along. A couple weeks ago, we had Erica Sigurdsson on the podcast,

and she was talking about traveling around with uh a flashlight a flashlight with a prop comic oh and then yeah in uh it was this tour in uh in asia uh and there was this prop comic on the tour and and then i started thinking about like who's the you know who's the the top like who's the artistic prop comic? Like who's the, like carrot top is the hack. Yeah. Like if carrot top is the, the mainstream of prop comedy, who's the like avant-garde prop comic.

And I couldn't, I'm honestly at a lot. What's the prog rock of, yeah, yeah, yeah. Prop comic prog rock. Yeah.

Like I'm, are there any, to your knowledge in Toronto, are there any prop comics? No, I've never seen a prop comedy show before. That would be like that. I think that's brilliant to like the idea that you could approach this super

hacky type of comedy that everyone kind of looks down on, but like bring a freshness to it. Yeah. Cause it's, it seems like, or some kind of self-awareness yeah this is that everyone thinks this is less than it seems like it could be funny right like it seems like it could be like uh you know like a well thought out like i thought of have you ever seen sam simmons he does

a lot of prop stuff in it and it's very meta but it's i, I wouldn't, I don't think anybody would call him a prop comic. So like, I don't know if you have to have a trunk. I don't know what the qualifier. You do. Yeah. You got to travel around. Apparently, I don't know if this, any of this is true, but Dennis Miller started as a prop comic. What?

Yeah. And he lost his luggage. The airline lost his luggage one time. So he had no props. So he had to go on stage and do half an hour of just talking. And then he realized, well, why would I haul this crap around with me all the time?

So. I wonder where that trunk ended up. Yeah. Maybe we can get it. Start our careers over. Oh yeah. It gets sent to a young Carrot Top's house. And he's like, what am I supposed to do

with all this stuff? Wait a second. I'm going to Vegas. A beaded toilet seat. Who would need that? Wait a minute. An ice cube tray with a level? That's not bad.

That's more just like a good invention. Yeah, it's, uh, uh, yeah, I don't know. Cause like, cause there is only carrot top. Like there's no other preeminent prop comic.

Oh my God. You guys are going to get so many emails. How do you not know? You know? Yeah. Jimmy Sullivan, who's the most amazing prop. I don't know.

Jimmy Sullivan. I just made that up. Eugene the prop machine. Marty Putz is the one that he was always on the show Make Me Laugh. Yeah. Marty Pups. Bruce. Was it Pups?

Putz. Oh. Bruce, not Valanche. He had a mustache and he looked a lot like David Crosby. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Was he sometimes on Full House? Yes.

He was like, he's buddies with Dave Coulier, Bruce something. Okay. Anyways, look it up, everybody.

Yeah. And he was a prop comic? Yeah. No. No, just the guy. He was a prog rocker,

actually. What are we talking about? He was in a Rush cover band. Anyway. So you're zigzagging. Yeah, you're zigzagging across the country.

Working new material. Yeah, yeah. It's exciting. Like, because you go on this snowed in tour. Correct. And this is the tour where in the daytime, you guys act like regular skiers. Yes. You pretend you're just like everybody else on the ski hill.

Yes. And then at night, you rock out. We become, yes, comedians. It is the Cadillac of tours. It's amazing. Is it? It really is. Because you've been on all of these kind of big tours.

And it's, to you, this is. We're playing beautiful soft seat theaters and then we're getting up in the morning and skiing the most amazing mountains in North America. And then we're going for steak dinners. And then I was going to ask what's the dinner situation on this? Do it up baller style just for like six weeks

straight. That's a lot of steak. Probably too much. Exercised every day and I gain so much weight. Yeah, that's the right way. Do you count skiing as exercise? Sort of. Yeah, that's weird. Yeah. Like I've done

it too and it's like, oh, it's using muscles I never use. I guess it's improving my core strength, but I'm not breaking a sweat. No, that's true. And gravity's doing a lot of the work for you. And most of the time is in a chairlift or a gondola. So you really can't count that as exercise minutes. Yeah, but standing around in those boots, that's uncomfortable.

Walking in those boots. Oh, yeah, walking in those, trying to take on some stairs. Carrying the skis, trying to keep them from coming apart. Slipping. That's right, yeah. How come they haven't figured that out? They should have a machine for that in the gym. Just the two skis.

Just carrying skis? Yeah. Carrying skis to the lift simulator. Oh, yeah. Like, is it any better now? Because I haven't skied in, like, probably 20 years. So I don't know what's new in skis. Like, ski technology?

Yeah, like, do they clamp together easier now or is it still that same like crazy also like you're a man and not a little boy that's gonna be easier that's true yeah i think it's probably the same but just that we're adults yeah yeah oh yeah i didn't ever think of it yeah uh any anything new in poles because like i mean old technology has not changed at all. Yeah, that's what I figured. Like, what could you do? Like, I guess make them lighter.

I remember as a kid, there was racing poles, right? So they would go a little bit wider so you could keep your hands closer to your chest. Right. And then curve out around your body. So I remember seeing kids with that and be like, wow, he wants to go real. Like how much air resistance are you really battling back with the bent poles? I remember when, uh, like ski, what was it called? Like ski ballet kind of thing that I remember when that was like huge.

Really? Yeah. People, cause like it became huge. No, it was just really big at this one park in, uh, uh, Calgary, Canada, like Canada Olympic park, there were these guys that would do it. Like the ballet, like they're spinning around on the hill. Yeah.

And they would like plant their poles and then they let flip over them. And I was like, those poles got to be stronger than the poles I'm using. Cause these ones feel like they. I forgot about that. That was an Olympic sport at one point. Yeah.

Maybe. One year and then they were like, this is stupid. Yeah. We should probably stop this. This is embarrassing. I got a gold medal and then they were like, this is stupid. We should probably stop this. This is embarrassing. I got a gold medal. In what?

Oh, in the thing. You don't want to know. It's not real gold. I just remember skiing and like never knowing what to do with my poles. Like planting them didn't seem to make much difference. Yeah, what do poles even do in skiing? Are there maybe balancing you a bit? Balance.

It's balance, yeah. Okay. But like. And also if you fall? Balance. It's balance, yeah. Okay. But like. And also, if you fall. Yeah. It's good to. Wait for help. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If you get on a flat part, it's good to dig in. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. Something to knock the snow off your skis when you're on the lift. And then, yeah, that's it. And then when snowboarding came along, I tried to learn how to snowboard. Did you ever try? I've never tried it.

It's, the learning curve is like. Yeah, I've heard this. Yeah, like you hurt your ass so much. So it's fine as a kid because your ass can regenerate. But as an adult, it's a full boy. Yeah. I've been told that many times. Like, I want to learn snowboarding.

They're like, yeah, well, get prepared for like three days of just bruising yourself. And then I get talked out of it. I'm like, I'm just going to go skiing. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to stick with my skiing. Does everybody else on this tour, do they all ski?

They're all snowboarders as a matter of fact. Okay. Yeah. So, so the poles do come in handy because we get to a flat part. I can like push my way along and then pull my buddies with the pole. Oh, that's fun.

Right. So that's another, it's a towing option. Yeah. Yeah. Do you wear a helmet when you ski? I do. Just this year, I, I, we got a helmet sponsor. So we do have sponsors in Colorado.

Look at that. Yeah. Yeah. So we got a helmet sponsor. So I got a helmet. Cause I never skied with a helmet, even though it seems like an incredibly good idea. Yeah.

It makes complete sense. Like once I put it on, I'm like, yeah, we're going a hundred kilometers an hour down a mountain. Why would I not have a helmet on? You're not going that fast, are you? Yeah. I downloaded this app that shows you how fast you can go. The Exaggerator app? The Exaggerator app.

Mach 7, guys. You wouldn't believe how fast this thing goes. I hit 128 kilometers an hour. Whoa. Oh, Jesus. seven guys. You wouldn't believe how fast this is. I hit 128 kilometers an hour. Oh Jesus. Yeah. It was, it was one of those where the skis are just bouncing and I was screaming.

Yeah. And then what do you do? Do you just like, I just got to ride this out. Yeah. Think, think about a time when I wasn't going so fast. My favorite thing is at the end of the season, you always see this on like the news bloopers or whatever,

the, the lighter side. A lot of ski resorts will do like an end of the year. They'll put a big pool of water at the bottom of the mountain. People will go down maybe in like a costume or like they'll build a bobsled around them or something. Right. And then they try to ski as fast as they can down the hill and then across the water.

Yeah, it never works. No, maybe one guy. They'll show one guy ski as fast as they can down the hill. Over the water. And then across the water. Yeah, it never works. No. Maybe one guy. They'll show one guy. Really? But they'll mostly show people failing. Fun, you know? Have you ever, like, you've downhill skied, you ever water ski?

I have water skied, yeah. Successfully? Yeah. Like, you've actually stood up? Again, as a kid, when you're fearless and you're just, I'm going to try that. Oh, no. I was always filled with fear. From day one.

I tried it once and I was, my fears were all realized. I remember when I got rollerblades for the first time, I was 19 years old living in New York city. I got, bought rollerblades and I've never been on rollerblades. I tried them on and was like, Hey, these feel

good. And then rollerbladed through the streets of New York city. Wow. Like that's something an adult would not do, right? No, that's true. You're 19 and invincible.

Just like, yeah, this makes total sense. I can just roller blade through the streets of New York. What were you doing in New York City at 19? I was an actor. Really? I was an actor. Studying acting. Like at?

A conservatory of acting. No kidding. Yes. Called the American Musical and Dramatic Academy. Wow. Yes. In New York City, like in Manhattan. In Manhattan.

Where they make the salsa. New York City. New York City. Salsa town. The Big Jalapeno. I lived in Hell's Kitchen, so I've been watching Daredevil on Netflix. I thought you were going to say,

I've been watching Hell's Kitchen. I've been watching Hell's Kitchen. It has nothing to do with my neighborhood. I don't understand why they call it. So is Daredevil in modern day Hell's Kitchen? It is, yeah. And does it... It's not in the roller blade era?

Does Daredevil wear a roller blade? Because a Daredevil would. Oh, sure. Especially blind. Roller blading through the streets of down 10th Avenue in Hell's Kitchen. I really can't see where I'm going, guys. I feel like that's a show

I would watch. It's not as gritty, but it's a lot more accessible for a guy. Jackass stuff than a whole TV series. Is that show good? Daredevil? I love it. Are you a comic book guy? I love Daredevil Daredevil yeah I love it okay are you a comic book guy

I am okay I love Daredevil because I I just I haven't watched it just because I was I don't know

I don't know if it's good or not but it's good it's good okay I'll vouch for it Abby really likes it yeah have you watched Jessica Jones

no but I like her yeah it has the girl you like oh yeah yeah she was in Breaking Bad yeah

yeah she used to be in Apartment 23 we saw her in real life remember in New York Yeah, it has the girl you like. Oh, yeah. She was in Breaking Bad. Yeah. Yeah. She used to be in Apartment 23. We saw her in real life. Remember in New York? She was leaving the backstage of the Letterman. That's right. And in real life, she's the most beautiful lady around.

Like, you're like, oh, look at her. Not like on TV. Well, because, you know, sometimes like you would see maybe a celebrity Amelia, like in real life there, you know, they photograph well. No, I think they're, they're all really attractive.

Yeah. I saw, oh, I can't think of the actress's name, but she's like princess Khaleesi from game of Thrones, like the mother of dragons. That. Yeah.

Emily, Amelia Clark. Clark. Yeah. And I saw her at Heathrow airport and I went, like audibly went, like, yeah, she blew me away. She was also covered in dragons. She's really drawing attention to it. I don't know if you guys knew this, but I'm an actress.

I went to the New York Academy. Yeah, of dragons. How long did you study there for New York Academy. Yeah. Of dragons. How long did you study there for? It was a two-year program. I was in New York for four years. Ah. Did you just do. And I never did comedy.

That's the next question. Everyone asks, oh, did you try. I never tried standup. Because you thought you were going to be an actor. Actor. Yeah. I still might be an actor. Yeah.

Like were you wanting to be a dramatic actor? No. Comic actor. Wow. Yeah. That's interesting. Yeah. Like, were you wanting to be a dramatic actor? No, comic actor. Wow. Yeah. That's interesting. Yeah. Because I never, because you always think like, okay, people would go through the, you know, UCB or whatever, maybe from standup.

But I never would think like somebody would go to an acting academy to be a comedic actor. But yeah. And I just kind of fell into standup. Like it just, I tried it one time and liked it. Yeah. Like a lot of people, right? Yeah. And then realized that you are the writer and the star and the producer and the director,

like all of that. Yeah. In one. You're the best boy. You're the grip. You're the grip. Yeah. You're the prop master in the case of Carrot Top.

You're catering. In the case of Carrot Top. You're catering. In the case of Gallagher, you're catering. So, yeah, so I tried it and then that was kind of the beginning of the obsession of stand-up taking over. Yeah. Yeah. Huh. Yeah. And then, you know, theater opportunities came up and I'd be like, yeah, I don't want to take two months off to do a theater show. To be like in a play? Yeah. And then, you know, theater opportunities came up and I'd be like, yeah, I don't want to take two months off to do a theater show.

Oh, like to be like in a play? Yeah. Wow. You know what I mean? Like I'd rather go. Were you in a play? Yeah. I've done lots of plays.

Really? Yeah. This is a whole side of you. Off Broadway. I did an off Broadway play. Really? I did. What was it?

It was called. Hair. Merry Christmas, Miss Molly. That sounds like you just pulled that out. It was called Merry Christmas, Miss Molly. That sounds like you just pulled that out. It was called Coffee Cup iPhone. But yeah, sure. I mean, I'm sure there could be a play called Merry Christmas, Miss Molly. It was.

It was a short run. Short run. Obviously around the holiday season. But like when you're off Broadway, are you like, is that close to Broadway? Yeah. It's. Like how far off Broadway? Or is it just a designation?

Like. It is a designation. Yeah. It's anything. I think anything over 700 seats in Manhattan is considered a Broadway show. Oh, I didn't know it was seats. Anything. Yeah.

Anything under 700, but above 400 is off Broadway. And then anything under 400 is off, off Broadway. Anything, yeah. Anything under 700 but above 400 is off-Broadway. And then anything under 400 is off-Broadway. Off-off-Broadway. Yeah. Oh, I didn't know. I thought it was a zone. I may have it wrong. I thought it was just like, these are the Broadway theaters.

And then if you're doing it across the street, sorry, bucko. You're out of the Broadway. Sorry, Miss Molly. Yeah. Our show was right next to, Guys and Dolls was running, right next to our theater. Did you ever hear it through the walls?

Hey, keep it down. Hey, we're trying to do a Christmas show here. Because sometimes you'll go see a movie and you'll be watching a quiet movie, but the movie next door is Transformers. Is Guys and Dolls. Guys and Dolls, Age of Extinction. Oh, boy.

Dave, what's going on with you, man? Oh, boy. Not much. What? But here's what I've been noticing lately. We've had a lot of people from out of town, so we're recording a bunch in a row. Yeah.

Like, in the span of a week. So, not a lot of activity on the Western front. Yeah, yeah. All quiet, some would say. Well, I don't think that's an expression. Not a lot of activity on the Western front, personally. Working title. But I've been noticing a lot of vanity plates on cars lately.

Oh, yeah. And they're very memorable. So you mean like somebody has spelled something out? Yeah. Okay. So like, you know, love boy or whatever. Love boy. Yeah.

And. I mean, that works. But like if this person gets in a hit and run and they speed off, you would always get their license plate. So I was hit by Love Boy. Yeah. That was an off-Broadway play. But why don't they just make every license plate some memorable words? Because I don't think they would run out.

Like, if you have seven, eight digits, everything can be. You can even add a letter. They want you to buy it. That's why. They want you to spend the extra 50 bucks. Yeah, that's right. If you want to be Loveboy, it's going to cost you. Yeah, if you want to be B-E-E-K-P-R.

B-C-U-P-E-R. I don't know why that was the first vanity, but it's like, it's fun. It's a good one. What would you, if you had a vanity plate, what would it be?

What, what is, um, what, what describes me? What describes my driving? Yeah. Love boy.

Yeah. I'm sort of a love boy or boy love. I guess. That's right. You're at the department. They're like, Oh, love boy's already taken, of a love boy or boy love i guess that's right you're at the department they're like oh love boy's already taken but boy love is available oh sure yeah that's the same thing sure people are honking at you you monster no it's not what you know i'm always I'm a very loving boy. I've got a lot of boy love to give. Because I don't remember anyone's license plate. I don't even remember my own.

Yeah, I thought about this because there was a news story about an accident and one of the people drove away. And like in a, in an accident like that, how would you remember? Like, unless you were like, I must remember the license plate. There's so much going on. You're like, you know, you got to take care of the person who was hit. You got to dial 911. You got to. You're right. It does seem kind of like, I don't know.

It seems weird. It should at least like be uh the license plate and then you know how like you go in parking lots like sometimes they'll have like an animal that is the section that you're parked in so at least they can whittle it down to like well we know we had a b license plate why am i stuck on bees today um but you know what i mean then you can narrow it down to like well only 20 of the population has the b license plate oh yeah because there's only five animals bees hornets wats yeah alligators and sloths um yeah so what are some of the ones you've seen, Ben? Loveboy comes to mind.

LUV? BLY? Or is it? Skater Boy. Uh-huh. Sure. Yeah. The weird thing is I used to work in a law firm.

That was my summer job all through college. And I would have to, there were like 100 lawyers. I had to know all of their initials. Oh. And so it would be like, I don't know, GTC, those are your initials. Yeah. And I, like, I still have from years of working

in this law firm, I still have all the initials memorized. Ah. And so I'll see them out in the, on, you know, I'll see three letters on a license plate and it'll always Come back to me Interesting Is it The human brain is fascinating

That way like I used to be a bartender And we had this computer system you'd punch In you know somebody wanted a half pint Of Carlsberg it was 103 And I'm not making that up It was 103 It's 20 years ago'm not making that up. It was one zero three. I remember that. It's 20 years ago since I tended Barb.

And it's still there. No, I think they got it like a touch screen. But it's still in your brain. It's still in my brain. Yeah. Yeah. So. Cause I, uh, when I, yeah, we used to work at a coffee shop.

Rickard's Red, one one zero. Wow. Yeah. I mean that you could be making that up, but I believe you. Nope, I'm not. I, uh. No way to prove it. When I was going through initials, like saying it out I believe you. No, I'm not. No way to prove it. When I was going through initials, like saying it out loud, I was like, I don't want to actually mention any lawyer's names because they'll sue me.

Yeah, oh yeah, that's what they're so good at. Yeah. They're well practiced. Yeah, because I worked at a coffee shop and people would come in, order the exact same thing every day. And if I see them on the street now, I still know them as... Americano. Yeah, yeah. Or, yeah, chai, soy, soy chai latte.

That's what everyone dreams of. Like they want to... I want to walk into a place and have a usual. Well, there's your personalized license plate is soy latte. Soy latte. I thought you were going to say usual guy usual boy um you've never had a usual at a place i have at the uh coffee shop by the cbc okay so they would they'd know yeah you just

show up and they would they say the usual or they just start making it they uh depending on the lineup okay yeah that's pretty good but i would always go through the motions of you know ordering Would they say the usual or they just start making it? Depending on the lineup. Okay. Yeah. That's pretty good. But I would always go through the motions of ordering it and pretending they didn't know. Did you? Have you ever had a usual somewhere? I don't think I have.

No. I've always been like, I'm going to try something different today. Really? Yeah. You've never been to a place? Because some places I'll go to, I only like one thing on the menu. And that's the only reason I go to this place. And they some places I'll go to, I only like one thing on the menu and that's the only reason I go to this place.

And they know when I walk through the door, like they just. The only thing I can think of is when I was in Germany, um, in Gielenkargen, Germany, and it's not a very, uh, uh, touristy place. So they, no one spoke English. Right. So I went to the restaurant and they had a

picture of the meal and I was like, that's the one I would like. Yeah. That's the only time I went back to that restaurant. they had a picture of the meal and I was like, that's the one I would like. Yeah. That's the only time I went back to that restaurant. That was the only place that they understood where that one again. Yeah. That was food I can eat. I feel like, yeah, pictures on a menu, always a good idea.

That's never, that's, I'm, that's never not welcome to me. Like that I get to see, like, I'm not sure what this would look like. All these things. Yeah. And that feels like the classier, the restaurant, the less photos. Yeah. You're right.

The more paragraphs you have to read of like, oh, there's, oh, okay. It's herb crested. Cool. Yeah.

But they could make it fancy. They could bring over one of those like old, like, you know, movie Ola things where you put your, like you put your face in like a metal thing. Oh, I thought you meant you put your areola in a movie. And then, you know, they're like, would you like to see tonight's entree?

Oh, sure. And then they play a little, yeah, they play a little movie, the waiter cranes. A stereopticon image of tonight's. That way it keeps it classy. That would be, what do they call the Oculus Rift? The 3D

virtual reality masks that they have now? It seems really excessive for a menu. Here's your Oculus Rift and then you're looking around going, oh, I can see where the I'm inside the menu. I'm inside the taco. Honey, I shrunk the kids style.

And then they pour sour cream on you. Or you could picture what it would be like to have the different meal. Well, yeah. Yeah. So great. Well, doy. I thought that's what you meant. Here's a question.

Yes, you there. That's what you meant. Here's a question. Yes, you there. Why does a virtual reality thing, when they had it for fake in the 90s, it looked like what it is now for real looking. Why does it have to look like that? Why can't virtual reality look better than just an iPhone taped to your face? You there. I didn't raise my hand.

Well, I don't think it looks dumb. Like, I think it looks exactly what it's supposed to look like. Do you think? Like a box? I think you're, like, can't they look like glasses instead of just being, like, a box on your head? Have you ever seen anyone, like, with Google Glass, though? They don't look cool. All right.

But also, it's got to, like, completely encompass, like, your peripheral vision. Yeah. So it's got to be some kind of goggle-ish. Yeah, they could look like cool goggles. Right. Like welder's goggles? Or the big glasses that, like,

old ladies wear. Oh, yeah. On the top of their glasses. The blue blockers? Sure. Yeah. I like this idea for a restaurant. Everyone gets Oculus Rifts

And then they sit down at a virtual table And then they're looking Do you ever serve them actual food? No you do but everybody just gets a hot dog But you can program whatever So like They think it's Soup

But they're drinking a hot dog Yeah They're dipping their spoon into a wiener but also the great thing about this is you don't have to go with anybody or if you go with somebody you don't like right right you can program in i'm having lunch with jose can say sure oh there's fingers in my food didn't he lose a finger did he i think he was like instagramming my fingers falling off what oh my god i mean i would too if i had a finger that was falling off oh boy yeah so that's me i. I had some thoughts about a licensed place. What's going on with you?

Well, this past week, like, I just think you spend a lot of time on the internet. Uh-huh. And so sometimes when you search for something, either Google ads or Facebook ads will, like, pick up on that algorithm algorithm and then they just start advertising that thing to you. So I was like. Fleshlight. I was on a fleshlight. I was on a website that was sunglasses, right? And then all of a sudden I'm getting ads for sunglasses.

Makes total sense. I was in the market for sunglasses. These guys know us. Perfect. What happened to your old sunglasses? I just was looking at, you know, maybe getting something new for sunglasses. These guys know it. Perfect. What happened to your old sunglasses? I just was looking at, you know, maybe getting something new for myself. You know what?

You deserve it. Yeah, treat myself to it. You're a thrift shop shopper. I am a thrift shop shopper. I like that pop-up ad to see, like, what happened to your old sunglasses? Your dad and I told you, if you break those glasses,

you're going to have to buy a new pair. But then recently, I don't know what I've been Googling that they think, but I've had a lot of ads for this type of beef jerky. This specific type of beef jerky. It's like brand new style. Is it Ray-Ban beef jerky? It's the meat you wear uh it's it's called crave is the name of the beef jerky spelled conventionally no spelled with a k and uh their big motto is like we have the best jerky because we misspell our name because we

don't spend all our time spelling. But they put the K from Crave, the C from Crave in jerky, so it looks like Crave Jersey. And the, you know, is the thing is that they start with primo ingredients. That's why they're beef jerky. But it just like, it's just like, well, it just looks like you ruined some primo ingredients to make this dried out husk of meat. They show the thing that was, and I'm like, well, that looks like something somebody would want to eat. Right. We took this Kobe beef and then put it into a dehydrator? Why are we wasting your time?

We massaged the cows. And then we just ruined it. Then we just put them in the cows. And then we just ruined it. Then we just put them in the sauna. But then, and I have to look up the name of it, there was one that I, not only do I not know why I'm getting this, also I did not know this was a thing. It's something called Materna Leche Jewelry. Oh. It's women's jewelry, so it's not like it's

here's the men's section and it's purely women's jewelry. And what do you think it is? Pregnancy? Something about mother and milk. Yeah. It's jewelry made like pearls that are made out of breast milk. Oh.

So why is that? How? I don't know. I didn't click because I didn't want more like these ads are working. Give him more leche materials. So I don't know. I don't know how it works. I don't know if it's like a plastic bead that you fill with breast milk.

There has to be some kind of, because that's going to go bad. Yeah. Like, I don't know if it's like. How gross of a conversation is that? Like, oh, I like your pearl necklace. Oh, it's made of breast milk. It's like gross immediately. Like, what?

More jerky anybody putting your sunglasses down eating jerky and wearing breast milk earrings but anyways i never i had never heard of that before i've heard of like uh because there was like a news story a couple years years ago about you could get, you could take the ashes of somebody and there's a process that they could put the ashes in like kind of like a diamond like thing. And then people could have jewelry. So I assume it's something like that.

Skin them and wear their skin around. Wear a grandpa hat. Wrong with people. Body parts around and fluids. Well, I want to keep his memory alive, and I have no memories, so I need this piece of jewelry. I have memento disease. Yeah, yeah.

What a beautiful diamond. It's made of a human being. Yeah. It's not a real diamond, but it does have a soul in it yeah so it's one of these things like i i get it like i bet you there's a market for that that idea but how did it come how did it get to me and if they can do it with milk what else can they do? Probably lemonade. Yeah, sure, fudge.

Yeah, Sunny D. For purple stuff. Yeah, I don't know what other liquids. I mean, any bodily fluid. I'm thinking. We don't have to list them. I'm not, but like. You go in there and say, can you make jewelry out of any body fluid?

And they're like, yes. And they look at your license plate and it says, Bile Guy. Bile Boy. What you should have been getting advertised for is bees. you're obsessed with bees today well there was a few months ago i was getting all those youtube ads for this asian muscle man who wanted to make me fit oh yeah yeah i got some of those too where he would it was he had all the

food on his table. He's like, I can eat a whole thing. Look how loud I can eat. I don't know this guy. Oh, really? No, I haven't seen him. He came around the same time. Remember the guy that would have the car in his garage?

And he'd be like, hey, I'm just in my garage with my fancy car. Do you know that guy? No, I don't. Really? I got this Lamborghini. Is he a West Coast guy? No, I don't. Really? I got this Lamborghini. Is he a West Coast guy? Oh, yeah, maybe. Maybe we were being targeted for our West Coast vibes.

He hasn't moved to Ontario yet. Yeah, this guy was terrible. He was like some guy, get rich quick guy who had a Lamborghini. And a bunch of books. Oh, yeah, because to him. Knowledge. Knowledge. Knowledge is the most important thing, guys. And a Lamborghini. And a bunch of books. Oh, yeah, because to him. Knowledge. Knowledge. Knowledge is the most important thing, guys.

And a Lamborghini. Yeah. I mean, one can compliment the other. Yeah, I wasn't going to bury the lead. I have a Lamborghini. But yeah, anyway, so I discovered that there's a breast. Has someone else been using your computer? Not that I know of, but hey, I live with a lot of roommates.

Could be. Oh, yeah. Is it your shared IP address? Could that I know of, but hey, I live with a lot of roommates. Could be. Oh yeah, is it your shared IP address? Could that be part of it? I don't think so. Maybe. Maybe. Because I don't get any like ads of stuff

my wife's looked at. But then also, does that mean one of my roommates is pregnant? Or knows somebody who... Or is into breast milk. Well,

because I remember like a couple, was it like two years ago, there was like somebody making like breast milk ice cream. And that was like a big, that was like, oh, how crazy. And I was like, I don't know. It's as crazy as, I don't know, something else that's crazy. Wake up your own analogy. But again, it's just the reveal. It's like, are you enjoying that ice cream?

Yeah. You're like, yes, why? It came out of my tits. I call my tits Ben and Jerry. Oh, boy. Well, do we want to move on to a little bit of business? Sure. Life can be fun.

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Overheard. Overheard's a segment in which we hear these things, see these things. Sometimes you oversee something. Yeah. You can over dream. Oh, sure. Over, what's the over under?

Yeah, sure. Gamblers. And we always like to start with the guest. And you said you got one locked and loaded. I'm ready to go. Here we go. Okay. It's a real, for real.

Like when I started listening to your podcast and then you guys had a segment called Overheard. I'm like, oh, amazing. Because immediately I was like, I've got this story that I've never turned into a chunk of comedy or anything, but it's just a neat. Again, living in New York City, walking, I believe North on Broadway. Not off Broadway. Not off Broadway. Not off off Broadway. Actually on Broadway. Not off Broadway, not off off Broadway. Actually on Broadway.

And a couple about my age at the time, so like mid-20s, were walking towards me. And as they walked past, I heard the guy say, no, I think you should have the abortion. It's like, wow, I saw a little snippet Of the most important Moment of that person's life Yeah And just like The person like No no I know what I said

Makes it seem like You shouldn't But you should You really should And you made some points Thinking you shouldn't But come on Yeah

I mean I was really A devil's advocate Over here Just want you to Think things through You know Like we I could weigh the Things back and forth, but you should.

Yeah, you should. You should, because I say so. Yeah. I know it's your body, but. But it's my opinion. Which is, like, pretty valuable. Dave, do you have a? Mine is from...

Well, this isn't exactly an overheard because it was said to me, but it was the words of a child. A few weeks ago, I was visiting my brother, and his kid was on her... She has a little... I guess she's seven or eight, and she was looking at her tablet, her Amazon Kindle Fire.

Ooh, fancy kid. Well, they get a discount. And I was asking her, what are you doing? And she said, oh, I'm looking at pictures. And I said, of what? And she said, butts. And I said, what? And she said, just kidding.

There probably wouldn't be any search images for that because no one wants to look at butts. And I was like, yep, you're right. Don't look for them. She has not seen my Instagram account. Your butt-spiration board. Are you allowed to put butts on Instagram, right? Bear butts? Yeah, bear butt.spiration board. You're allowed to put butts on Instagram, right? Bear butts?

Yeah, bear butt. I guess so. Again, going back to your search engine thing and how they target you. Yeah. On Instagram, they start recognizing what you like, and then when you hit that explore button, it goes, oh, check out other things that you like. Oh, so you- So mine's really embarrassing now.

It's like athletic girls and pugs. That's the two that always pop up. Girls training at the gym and then like pugs and little outfits. Yeah, it's a very strange Venn diagram. They don't ever intersect. That's the weird thing. It's just two circles that don't touch. I think mine is, I'm looking it up right now.

What, your Explorer thing? Yeah, it's all fancy wristwatches and shoes, apparently, at the moment. Shoes and wristwatches. Yeah. Shoes and wristwatches. That's pretty good. Yeah. My phone's very slow, so I.

Oh, and breast milk. Breast milk jewelry. Breast milk jewelry. And it was three or four pages down before I found my first butt. There you go. Oh yeah. Mine right away. Just the top one, two, three, four butts.

But it's like, uh, I thought, don't they have like rules or something on Instagram? Well, the free the nipple is the big hashtag. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cause you can't have a nipple. Uh, that seems weird. That seems like a weird line to hashtag. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you can't have a nipple. That seems weird. That seems like a weird line to draw.

Yeah. But, you know, whatever. Whatever, Instagram. You do you. I think there's weird, like, hashtags that people alter and then you can get, like, the new thing is free the gipple and then you just get nothing but real nipples.

Yeah, I wonder... I'm wondering, like, is there an Instagram just for nipples? Mm-hmm. Like, that's how you sell the product. It's Instagram, but it's all nipples. You can't post anything without a nipple. So even if you have a picture of, say, you and your partner, and you can't see any nipples. You have to Photoshop one in somewhere on the wall. I think the first.

Areologram. I think the first, like, maybe Vine. Like, when it first started, they weren't blocking anyone, and so it was just porn. It just became porn so fast. I guess maybe that's it. Maybe if you open the floodgate a little, it just, I don't know. Internet, man. Yeah.

Hard to say. Graham. Yes. You haven't overheard. Mine isn't overseen. Oh, damn. It's a, it was a bit of bathroom graffiti. It was somebody had written something and then somebody had come in and doctored it, which is one of my favorites.

So I can't remember the name of the person. Let's say it's Caitlin. And it said Caitlin is a slut, but slut had been crossed out and somebody wrote virgin. Oh. So went the opposite way. Sure. And was like, I'll have you know, not only is she not a slut, she wouldn't know

what to do with it if I showed it to her. Is that an expression? You know, I try to talk tough, but immediately you're like, he comes with an instruction manual. Guys,

anyone listening who like, if you're with your partner and they ask you to talk dirty to them, say, you wouldn't know what to do with it if I showed it to you. Dirty and tough. Because that's also like, yeah, tough guy talk. But also bad cop. Then just storm out of the room. Yeah. And then come in later as good cop. Then just storm out of the room. Yeah. And then come in later as good cop.

Oh, yeah. So many costume changes. Or, like, you hear people telling stories about two guys tag teaming a chick. It could be that. It could be some kind of role play where one enters the room. I do hear stories about that. I don't know. Around the campfire. It's just

the same guy. Yeah. The fake mustache. It's like that scene in Mrs. Doubtfire where he's having two dinners. It's like the other scene in Mrs. Doubtfire where he's got to put his face in the cake. Oh yeah, that's right. It's like every scene in Mrs. Doubtfire where he's got to put his face in the cake? Oh, yeah, that's right.

It's like every scene in Mrs. Doubtfire. Oh, that should be one of those things. You know, like Amy Schumer did a bunch of them on her special where you name a sex move. The Doubtfire. Yeah, where you're just one person trying to pass yourself off as two people during a sex act. It's called the Mrs. Doubtfire. Oh, neat. Oh, I have to Mrs. Doubtfire. Oh, neat. Oh, I have to leave the room.

Yeah. Oh, the phone's ringing. Oh, the tea's ready. Our sex tea is ready. I'm getting a page. What? Oh, the cake's ready. Sex cake.

Now, we also haveheards sent in to us From people around the world If you want to send in some overheards to us You can send them in to spy At maximumfun.org This first one comes from Philip S In Seattle, Washington Walking to work past the construction site

Behind my building I caught this F-bomb heavy exchange Between two workers Man one, had a double-decker grilled cheese last night. Man two, what? Man one, double-decker grilled cheese. I had one last

night. Man two, fuck yeah! Man one, what? Man two, I said fuck yeah! Man one, yeah! Fuck yeah! Wow, it reads like a mammoth plague. What do you imagine a double-decker grilled cheese? I'm thinking like a clubhouse, right?

There's an extra piece of bread in there, right? Yeah. But that doesn't get grilled. Oh. Yeah. Oh, doesn't get grilled. Oh. Yeah. Good call. Oh, so maybe. Oh.

How's this working? Yeah. Yeah. Like what if you did, just hear me out. Okay. You do two grilled cheese sandwiches, right? And then when they're just about done, you put a layer of cheese on the top of one of the sandwiches. And then you put the other sandwich on top of that.

So it's four slices. It's triple decker. Yeah. That's, I guess that would be triple decker, but can, can we have that? Can we have that in our life? I guess what you could do is you could toast the bread in the middle first. Yeah. So that it gets, although who cares?

I mean, there's also that But And they're construction workers Shouldn't they be talking about Banging broads And you know Hey tough guy conversation Yeah not I made a triple decker

Chilled grilled cheese Well he said he had one He didn't say he made one Oh yeah So maybe it's from It was from a food truck Yeah Which is

It's not like they were having A very high minded conversation To begin with Shouldn't they be talking about Banging chicks Instead of Meat and cheese They were having a very high-minded conversation to begin with. Shouldn't they be talking about banging chicks instead of meat and cheese? Or bread and cheese? Oh, meat and cheese. Grilled cheese.

I mean, that would be popular. That's basically that chicken thing from KFC. What was it called? Oh, yeah. Without bread. Yeah, without bread. Gross. I think what you're thinking of is a croque monsieur. A croque madame. Yeah, that's what it you're thinking of is a croque monsieur. The croque madame.

Yeah, that's what it was. From KFC. Croque monsieur. The bock monsieur. Because that's what chickens say. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Come on, it's good.

I guess cock monsieur because French for rooster. No, bock. It's bock. Yeah. This next one comes from John in Baltimore, Maryland. I was at a local pizza place on a recent Friday evening with my wife and young children. It wasn't very crowded, mostly parents and their kids. At the table next to us, a mom, looking a little harried, was with two young girls, both around four years old, and a baby in a high chair.

After she had strapped the baby in and had set up the older girls with their cut up slices of pizza, one of the girls said, as nonchalantly as possible, but loud enough for the whole restaurant to hear, Mom, do you wish you didn't have kids? Do you think it was the people from pizza over her? Do you think it was the people from Pete's over her? Why didn't dad talk you into that abortion? Well, he tried.

He tried. We were on our way to an off-Broadway show. Molly called something, I'd rather. Yeah. Molly, come home for Christmas. Molly, have a funky Christmas. These are better titles than Merry Christmas, Molly have a funky Christmas. These are better titles. Merry Christmas Miss Molly. Way better.

Now, when you hear the word pizza, do you think someone's saying Pete's? Someone's about to say your name? I've heard that many times. Oh, great story. Thank you. French Canadian guy in my hometown of Wawa works for a buddy of mine who... Anyway. This is a great story. French Canadian guy in my hometown of Wawa works for a buddy of mine who. Anyway.

He kept. Well, I want to go. This is a great story. Too good to tell. This French Canadian kid is telling his boss, my buddy, hey, I saw your friend, Pizza Doctor. What are you talking about, Pizza Doctor? I saw Pizza Doctor at the Max Milk Pizza. So he's ignoring him.

Like, I don't know what he's talking about. I saw Pizza Doctor again. He was on the. What are you don't know what he's talking about. I saw Pizza Doctor again. He was on the, I said, what are you talking about, Pizza Doctor? The comedian, the comedian from Wawa. He's like, Pete Zedlacker? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pizza Doctor.

Pizza Doctor. Wow. He thought my name was Pizza Doctor. The whole time you were saying Pizza Doctor, I was like, that's a pretty good name for a pizza delivery place. Not bad. And the delivery guy shows up in a white coat, right? He's got a stethoscope. They cook it with a defibrillator. Yeah. And he a delivery place. Not bad. And the delivery guy shows up in a white coat. Right. He's got a stethoscope.

They cook it with a defibrillator. Yeah. And he says, diagnosis delicious. And he plays organs for Prince. Yeah, sure. And this last one, it comes, Bob in little rock, Arkansas. Uh, so I was visiting a friend who lived in a house on a busy traffic corner and we heard a fairly violent car accident happen outside. What if that was the over?

The end. We rushed out and there was a young teenager in one car and an older couple in the other. The front of both cars were totaled but thankfully everyone seemed to be okay. A teenager asked to borrow my phone so that he could make a call and I handed it over while trying to step out of earshot

so he could have some privacy. All I caught was the opening of his phone call. He said in a manner that I can only compare to a similar cadence you only hear in movies about serial killers or werewolf attacks. Dad, it happened again. I know, I promised I wouldn't do this again. I love smashing into elderly people.

Wasn't there, the serial killer thing reminded me of, oh, a couple of days ago there was someone, someone like left a note at a murder scene that was like, sorry, my first kill was clumsy. So scary. It happened again. Oh, that is so scary. I don't know. I don't know.

Serial killers. I don't know if I'm on board. This is Ted Cruz's handwriting. Wait a second. He is the Zodiac Killer. I think that's my favorite thing that's come out of this whole election cycle. Me too. The Ted Cruz.

Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer. And also there was the picture of the lady from, was it Maury Povich that looked like him wearing a wig? Oh, yeah. And now she's making a porno. Oh, she is? Yes, she's making a porno movie. She she's making a porno movie she's been paid ten thousand dollars to do a porn movie it's sad because she looks like a presidential candidate that's really weird the opposite gender i mean but you know hey times are tough

they're not even gonna think it's her they're gonna think it's ted cruz wearing a wig what if you wrote uh a biography about ted cruz that had all these things in it that he was the zodiac killer that he was that that he is that woman in the porno that would be the best story that'd be like forrest gump for adults well i i have a uh one year old and every night i read her forrest Gump for adults. Well, I have a one-year-old, and every night I read her Forrest Gump for babies. Yeah. Yeah. Now do we have other overheards?

Yeah, but also my favorite Ted Cruz thing is a couple days ago when he didn't say basketball hoop. He was referring to a basketball hoop and he called it a basketball ring and there was a woman behind it who just made the weirdest face like uh-oh in addition to overheards that are written in we also accept your phone calls if you would like to call us our phone number is 206-339-8328. Like these people, hey, Alv. Hi, Dave, Graham, and possible guests. This is Allie calling from Worcester, Massachusetts. I was at work at a museum in Boston last week teaching in the Strop and Art Making activity for families,

and I met a mom who was there who had her two kids. One of them was pretty over it for the day and was getting pretty bratty, and the other one sort of ostensibly behaving, but complaining a lot to his mother. And she managed to maintain this pretty conversational tone. But eventually I overheard her say, well, we'll see. I'll tally it up at the end of the day and we can see who the winner is.

But I think you might be the bigger pain today. Yeah, it's a race to the finish. Again, should have had the abortion. I really think you should. Do you have siblings? I do not. No. Only child.

Only child. Only child. So never had a day where you were trying to outdo a sibling and being the most. Just my imaginary friend. My imaginary friend was always outdoing me that guy was amazing i don't think i ever had an imaginary would you ever try to outdo your sibling as a good sibling or as the worst yeah no come on that i had no i had one setting as a kid terrible right i was the youngest so everyone kind of looked down on me like they were just

like the parents treated me like a kid and my siblings treated me like i was a kid yeah that's uh because you were you were the kid of the family yeah i was only the kid of the family for a couple like couple years and then you were the man of the family yeah exactly and i had to do everyone's taxes work on the railroads. Where your prison denim. Do you guys have any deductions? Okay, I need your T-phones. You should have been sent one in February.

Here is your next phone call. Hey, Dave, Graham, and guests. This is Colin calling in right now from Pismo Beach, California. I'm at a hotel. I just walked by a little girl who's kind of posing. Maybe she's about nine years old. Posing to get a picture taken. And she said, did you get it? And her grandma, who's taking a picture, said, yeah, I got it. And the little girl said, are you sure? And grandma said, yeah, I got about a hundred of them. And the little girl said Oh yeah Good take one more

That's somebody Who's screwed up In the past Kid will not let Grandma forget it Grandma with her Shaky hands again Everything's blurry

Yeah Do you remember When you used to just get One picture taken Of yourself One if you were lucky Yeah Yeah take a picture Of me in front of this thing Um, yeah. Do you remember when you used to just get one picture taken of yourself? If you were lucky. Yeah.

Yeah, take a picture of me in front of this thing. In front of this giant goose. No. It would. It would have to be something noteworthy to even bring the camera out. Absolutely, yeah. You get 36 pictures on that fancy roll. On a fancy roll, yeah.

And then you would develop that after like three weeks of taking photographs, you know? Yeah. Or if you remembered, yeah. Yeah. And then you would develop that after like three weeks of taking photographs, you know? Yeah. Or if you remember, yeah. Yeah. Sometimes the camera would just sit idle for months. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's right.

Like sometimes you would have pictures from one vacation at the beginning of a roll at a different event on the other. Like you're like, well, here we are in Tucson and, yeah, here we are in Tucson. And, uh, this is your sister's wedding. We finished out the roll. That was 24 photos to document an entire year of life on earth. And one of them was good out of that whole roll. There'd be a one photo. They'd be like, oh, that's pretty good. Yeah. I remember like, like if you accidentally shot something while you were trying to shoot something else, that was a big deal.

Man, it's a dollar. Yeah. You lost a dollar right there. God damn it. Or like, yeah, I remember when I had a camera and I was like 13 and I was like, well, I'm going to take a picture of the TV. See how this comes out. See you later, Balky.

I'm going to hold on to this memory forever For a lifetime Here's your final overheard of 2016 Hey Dave, Graham and guests This is Brian in South Florida with an overseen My wife just sent me a picture she took of a church marquee And it says, Easter comes once a year How often do you?

Once a year if I'm lucky. Love boy. Contact love boy. Reverend love boy. Yeah, I like a sassy church marquee. When they don't understand that, hey, this could be taken in a different way. Yeah. You're that oblivious to be like, well, no one's going be taken in a different way. You're that oblivious

to be like, well, no one's going to think oddly of a coming. Yeah, a second coming. What's funny about that? Why is everybody laughing at that? You made fun of me when you tried to make a Netflix and chill joke, but

Jesus and chill. Crucifix and chill. Narth Jesus and chill. Crucifix and chill. Narthex and chill. These are all words. Yeah. Oh, man. You laughed when I said God was on fleek. So that does bring us to the end of this here episode.

This episode will be coming out the second week of May. The second coming of May. Do you have any... Oh, no, the third? I think the 15th, 16th? Yeah. Do you have anything... Around then,

you can see me in Montreal at the Comedy Nest. But I'm plugging Snowed In for next year. It was starting in January 2017. Check out SnowedInComedytour.com. That's primarily Western Canada? All of British Columbia.

All of British Columbia. Go on. Every square inch. We do all the cool places in BC and some parts of Alberta. And is it sea towns? A couple of times it's gone like overseas, right? Didn't they do like a year where it was like in Switzerland or something like that? I don't believe so, but let's spread that rumor.

Yeah, maybe. We went to the Arctic one year. Yeah, anywhere where there's snow. The one show we did on Mars was amazing. Yeah, the powder up there is great. Untouched. Do we have anything we- Oh. Our debut album. Our debut album. Listen to that podcast. Uh, untouched. Um, uh, do we have anything we, oh,

uh, our debut album, our debut album. Listen to that podcast. Um, and, uh, oh yeah.

If you do look for Pete in Montreal, it just, uh, uh, look for pizza doctor. Yeah. Pizza doctor. That's his French name.

That should be my Twitter handle. Well, maybe snatch it up now. I'm going to have to sit now before. Yeah. And, follow, follow up now. I'm going to have to see it now before. Yeah. And, uh, follow,

follow, uh, Pete at pizza doctor formerly at Zed lacquer. Now it's at pizza doctor. Um, and thank you so much for being so much guys.

Love the podcast. Um, if you like the show, head over to maximum fun.org, check out the blog recap pictures and videos relating to the content of this podcast. Yeah. picture of that goose oh yeah um zigzags

oh yeah sponsored by zigzags uh that leche uh oh sure jewelry i won't post a fleshlight picture yeah probably not um and uh yeah if you like the podcast, you can leave a review on iTunes. Tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Stop Podcasting Yourself.