Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 429 - Paul F. Tompkins

Episode Date: June 6, 2016

Comedian Paul F. Tompkins returns to talk about his exhausting tour, Madonna movies, and inventing rap.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 429 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's creepy, he's kooky, he's mysterious and spooky. He's altogether ooky. He's Mr. Dave Schumacher. Hi. Hi. There you go.

Yeah. Guys, what a great pleasure to be here today. Yeah. On this glorious day. Oh, wait, I'm not the one. I'm not the guest. Our guest today, one of our all-time favorites. He's a hilarious comedian.

He's spooky. He's the host of his own podcast. He's spooky. He's spooky. He's spooky. Spontaneanation, Mr. Paul F. Tompkins. Hey, guys, what a great pleasure to be here today Oh, there's this, now that I'm a father

There's this, well I guess it existed regardless of whether I was a father or not But there's this This is still happening Yeah My being a father did not make this happen There's this cartoon called Daniel Tiger Okay They've really given up on neat names Wait, wait, wait, hold on a second Sorry Your father did not make this happen. There's this cartoon called Daniel Tiger. Okay. And he.

They've really given up on neat names. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on a second. Sorry. For Ham from Mr. Rogers. No. And he has his own neighborhood now. He does all the Mr. Rogers stuff. Yeah.

Now he's the powerful one. Yeah. And he. It's like a real sheer con. At the end of every show, Jungle Book. He hugs the camera and goes, hug-a-mugga. It's very cute. Is it?

Very cute. Yeah. Who? Because didn't- Do we want to get to know us? Oh, sure. Get to know us. Didn't Mr. Rogers, he did all the puppets back in the day.

So it's somebody new doing- Did Mr. Rogers do the puppets? He did. Yeah. Himself? He did all the voices. Was he in the, I,

I don't like, I would tune out during those puppets. Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. I loved going to the land of make believe. No,

I like the train ride. For sure. That was my favorite part of the show. Troll. Sorry. Oh boy. Oh man. Now I've stepped in it.

It was a street car. I would look I would rather talk to King Friday and X the Owl than go to some like factory which he would do sometimes

yeah that's what I used to love really? yeah when he would be like here's how you make purse latches or something very

I guess I was I felt like no I'm a kid don't bring this adult world into my field of vision

I remember when he had Lou Ferrigno on what? yeah and Lou Ferrigno showed his balls he showed everyone his balls it was the highest rated episode and he's like

they're naturally green they're the only thing they don't have to paint. He showed how they did his crazy makeup. Oh, okay. Incredible Hulk. So the kids wouldn't be scared of the Incredible Hulk. I don't know why.

Like, that's a bad lesson. You shouldn't be afraid of the Incredible Hulk. Yeah, yeah. It does teach kids that they can be comfortable around green monsters, which is not good. And like it's okay to not like someone when they're angry. Yeah, that's right. Or if their skin color is different than yours. Yes.

Now, Paul, you've been touring all over the country. Yeah. But like not as a stand-up would by yourself. You're in with a whole gang this time. Yes, it's a fun group. Yeah. And we went all over North America. It's the Comedy Bang Bang Tour, and I'm with Scott Ackerman, of course, the host, and Lauren Lapkis.

Yeah. Lauren Lapkis. Yay! For the first half of the tour Neil Campbell The timekeeper For the second half of the tour Mike Hanford

John Lennon Yeah And then in the home stretch Our friend Tim Baltz is joining us For like the last handful of shows I think because we are on fumes For sure Oh yeah

It's been a different city every day. Because it's been like, yeah, a month straight. Yeah. Going back home at all? No. So this is like a band going on tour. Yeah. Yeah.

We set out on, I think we traveled on the third. We went to New York, did our first show on the fourth in Tarrytown, New York. The adorable little town where their currency is cookies we were paying cookies uh and then we we just kind of like made our way from east to west and in the middle we we got to be in manhattan for five days for the day off on either side of three nights of working where we did two shows a night which i thought we all thought like now this would be like we'll recharge because we'll be in one place right every day but then it's sort of like because hotels in new york are so small you still

had to unpack your suitcase every day if you wanted something um and it was and then doing the two shows was really tiring. It was really exhausting. But you made bank. New York is just exhausting. Made major bank. Are you excited for season two of Ballers, Paul? Is it time already? It's right around the corner.

Here's what I like. Kids are going to start singing their Ballers carols. I can't sleep the night before the season premiere. I don't like football But I love talking about football So this show puts me in heaven Where did this season Did you watch it at all?

Did I watch season one? Yeah Where did it leave off? It left off Go on With Dwayne the Rock Perkins John Swin He thought he might have a concussion

But he doesn't Oh yeah right Oh good Yeah And he's also going to be a father So is he really? Oh I missed that part Is it like Entourage

Where everything works out Always Absolutely Pretty much I mean And it's very low stakes In the meantime Yeah

Maybe this guy will get to this team Or he'll only make Seven million dollars Yeah How will these millionaires be slightly inconvenienced this week?

Yeah. I always feel weird when I see a guy like The Rock in a suit and it's sort of like, why bother wearing a suit? You're a giant man

monster. Why not just wear It's like the Incredible Hulk wearing a suit. Yeah. Scary. Just wear t-shirts.

You don't have to wear, you don't need to wear a suit. My favorite part of Mr. Rogers was when they went to The Rock's tailor. And he was like, don't,

you don't have to be afraid of me. I'm just The Rock in a suit. Yeah. This is normal. The suit rock. John Cena in, John C. Reilly. I saw him on some more like,

oh, like the Today Show or something. And he was wearing a suit and, some more like, Oh, like the today show or something. And he was wearing a suit and it just looked like it looked weird. Why was he wearing a suit? Cause it was daytime. Oh sure. Talk show times. But was he pitching something other than wrestling?

No, he was being like kind of a cohost. Oh, so yeah. In the character of himself on the show. Right. And, uh,

because he's an actor now he's in, uh, Amy Schumer's movie. Oh, right. That's right. He's very good at it too. He was the show. Right. And because he's an actor now, he's in Amy Schumer's movie. Oh, right. That's right. He's very good at it, too. He's very funny. Yeah.

But it's like, why are you wearing a suit? Because it doesn't look right. It looks weird. So just T-shirt and jeans for him? So you think that only you should be allowed to wear a suit is what I'm hearing. Hold on a second. You didn't let me run down the other people who shouldn't wear suits first. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, please. Fireman. Like, what are you thinking, guys? He looks dumb. You just wear your red hat and your yellow slicker. If your job already comes with a uniform, you should always wear that uniform. Your red hat, yellow slicker. Isn't it?

Yeah, I mean. Prove them wrong, Graham. Tell them he's wrong. Again, I've just been reading kids' books. So this touring after a month, that's enough? Are you so excited? Tomorrow's or today's your last show. It's the last show of the tour.

And then I'm doing another show of my own. To punish yourself. Yeah. Which really, it seemed like such a great idea when I planned it. And then now that it's happening. Now that everyone else gets to leave tomorrow. Yeah. Except Lauren Lapkus has to go back to New York to work on an HBO show.

Hmm. And that sounds really miserable. I mean, it's great to have work. Yeah, that sounds great. Make that bank. Yeah. Dave, you're obsessed with making banks. It's because he's watching Ballers.

Yeah. Is that a frequent phrase on Ballers? No, I've just been getting, people have been sending me blueprints for banks. Yeah. So you're literally making a bank. Well, yeah. I mean, I'm dreaming of one. Yeah.

I have bank, SimBank on my computer. It's where you simulate a bank. Oh, wow. But you get to pick where they put all the pens. Uh, what kind of ATMs they have, the ones that were fifties or the ones without.

Guys, both take sips of your drink at the same time while I'm playing. I feel like I'm the guest so I can sip at any time. Absolutely. Uh, and Paul's drinking out of a straw and it's a lot of fun. I was offered a straw and I felt like I'd be a fool to decline it. Yeah.

It is more fun, right? My choice of color. Purple. Yeah. You know what? It is more fun. Yeah. Sometimes when I'm drinking, I'm like, this is boring.

This sucks. Do you, Paul, when you go to sleep at night, do you put a glass of water on your bedside table? No. Why not? Because you'll knock it over invariably? Probably, but I, I very rarely have I woken up in the middle of the night needing water.

What's happening? How are people dehydrating themselves in their sleep? Like, oh, I don't know. I toss, I turn. I, uh, roommate. You do it all. Yeah.

I walk in my sleep. I talk in my sleep. Um, I, well I do because I never wake up in the middle of the night parched, but sometimes I'm like, I can't fall asleep. I'm having a weird swallowing thing. Better. Do I have to go up and get some water? Yeah. And then I wake up in the morning and I've got three quarters of a full glass of water and a bunch of bubbles in it.

Ew. Ew. And a layer of dust on top. Oh, yum. Um, yeah, I wake up in the morning thirsty. I feel like. You wake up in the morning thirsty, I feel like. You wake up in the morning thirsty. Yeah, but then I've got the glasses right there. Oh, get out of bed.

What are you doing? I don't know. Paul, I don't know. What am I doing? What's your living situation currently? Oh, it's not great. There's always something interesting going on. Yeah, currently I live with six other people in a house.

Right. Monica. Rachel? Yeah. I, uh, currently I live with six other people in a house. Right. And. Monica. Rachel. Yeah. Phoebe. And then you wouldn't know the other three. Uh, yeah.

Friends plus one. You're the Gunther. Yeah, I'm the Gunther. The Gunther's staying with us for a little while. The coffee house burned down. Central Perk. Um, uh, and they're all nice people. You know, like with, uh, assorted partners, it's like with assorted partners, then it balloons up.

And that's when it gets a little crowded. So the house of seven becomes the house of many. Yeah, house of ten maybe. Do people stay polite or do they stop doing that and get realist? Well, when we went on this RVv trip together things got out of hand real fast hey with the real world and the road rules challenge we didn't possible to say what's road rules that was another show where this is like i only know these shows from when i would vacation in the states and turn on mtv and why are they playing music videos oh would

you not you guys would not get that up here no really did you have your own versions up here no no eventually we had like the lofters yeah we had a show called the lofters that's terrible then there are little creatures that live in the walls you steal your thimbles and like this is my bathtub. Yeah. And one of the lofters is, like, a sports commentator. Yeah. And one works at the Weather Network, maybe? Sure. Lofters.

Lofters. And it was just, it was, yeah. It was the first, like, online streaming show, but it predated anyone having that technology. Like, everyone was still dialing up. Yeah. I remember trying to look at their apartment at like midnight. And not only was there nobody there, but it was loading very slowly. Funny time to go get your bedside glass of water.

I was going to say, if you keep a straw in that water, you don't even need to barely move your head. Oh, yeah. Now we're talking like a hamster. How sedentary of a lifestyle would you lead if you could? Not very. You like to move around or you don't like to move around? I like to move it, move it.

I like to move it, move it. I like to move it, move it. I like to move it. Grant, what about you? I would sit around. I would gain hundreds and hundreds of pounds. Like Wally, you'd be one of those people. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, absolutely. If I sit in a chair. Gives you everything. And he's constantly playing my favorite thing. Yes, please. And yourself, Paul? I like to move around. Yeah.

Just for your own enjoyment? uh just for your own enjoyment yeah for my own enjoyment like I don't do it for anyone else's enjoyment do you just for me when you wake up in the morning you spring right out of bed or do you want to stay in bed for a little bit longer because some people you know what of late I like to lie in bed for just even even just a few minutes. It's kind of nice. But I can turn into who knows how long. Well, I know how long and it can't be that long. Because you're so thirsty, but there's an answer. I'm so thirsty. I dream of the desert all night and then I wake up in the morning.

A D-Dat. My shirt is all in tatters. I have a long beard. I'm crawling I like to get out of bed I like to be the first person Awake in the house And then my wife is asleep in the bed

And then I'm in the living room and I'm having my coffee And I'm watching the news or whatever What's the How long until she wakes up Oh that depends Dave Because sometimes it'll be not that long after me and sometimes it'll be very long. If it's not that long after you, are you a little bummed? Sometimes.

Sometimes like, oh, I wanted to finish my program before you came out. I also like it when she goes, she usually goes to bed before I do too. Oh. And so then I'm awake and I'm protecting the home. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then until you get tired and then you're like, home, protect yourself.

It really is. My wife knows that I play video games, but I typically play them after she goes to sleep. On what? It's like, oh, I got the TV to myself. I didn't know you were a video game guy. You still do. Yeah. What do you like?

My platform is the Xbox platform Okay What's the current one? The one? Yes Did you buy it the day it came out? No, not the day it came out I've never been one of those people To wait in a line to get a thing

That will be available to everyone But you can get it online the day it comes out Yeah, but I don't think that I did I think I got it not long after. Although you come from the East Coast where online means to wait in line.

It means that on the West Coast too. No, it doesn't. Well, no, we're not here anyway. Hold on a second. No, we say in line. That's what we say. We don't say online. Because I know people who say wait online and I think they're from the East. Who are these people? Yeah, it's an American thing. It's what we say. We don't say online. Because I know people who say Wade online, and I think they're from the East. Who are these people? Yeah.

It's an American thing. It's not. I've never heard anyone say that. I've only heard. To Wade online? Yeah. At P.F. Tompkins on Twitter to correct me. Oh. Oh, boy.

Like, as if you had to say it. It's taken care of. I say Wade online. My grandma used to say it. I got this thing now where people are correcting me on things that I said on a podcast that was recorded so long ago. And they provide zero context. It's like the name of that song you're thinking of is Killer Joe. Like, what are you talking about?

What if it was just someone who knew what you were thinking? Oh, well, you know what? That would be interesting, at least. Yeah. Like, weird. That was weird. I was wondering what the name of that song was. And the Twitter handle is at Paul's Thoughts.

Oh, dear. Oh, this is a screenplay. Graham, take a note. Yep. You do record your podcast. How far in advance is your podcast recorded? It was recorded very far in advance. We're now closing the gap because I took some time off.

Oh, okay. But we were, it got weird because we were recorded so far in advance that when I would tell people this, you know, we were, it would be March and I would say, this is going to come out in November. And then I would always have the thought, like, we might not be alive. Someone in this room might not be alive when this comes out. Yeah. Has that ever happened? Not yet. Nope.

But, you know, everybody, hey, stay at your posts. Yeah. I mean, that's true of this show. It's true of any podcast, really. Yeah. The way that podcasters live anyway. But it feels like you're tempting fate when it's so far in advance. Yeah.

But. And you work with so many sick people. And you you only sign off by saying and we'll all live forever um okay back to okay back to video games fun's over guys let's talk about video games what do you play video games online against people no i don't want to do that. Yeah. I would like to play with my friends. That seems to be very difficult to coordinate. But they're dying off. They're dying off. Luckily, I've recorded their voices forever. But there are certain games where you,

in order to advance in the game, you're forced to play with other people. Don't like that at all. There's some game called Destiny, which was like a sort of Halo kind of thing where you go to an alien planet and you're shooting aliens and stuff like that. What did they do to you?

They're monsters, Graham! There's a backstory probably. Oh, you can see these guys? I'd want to shoot them too. There's an extremely convoluted backstory. There's a lot of stuff you have to sit through as you're waiting to play. Just dumb cartoons talking to each other. And you try to sit through to as you're waiting to play this dumb character

cartoons talking to each other. And you try to figure out whose voice that is. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They got told for grace. Cool. Can I get this one without looking it up? Lance Reddick from The Wire. Got it. But that one, there are certain levels where in order

to, it's so that game is so convoluted there's like all this shit you have to earn so that you can do other things like what this is like a job now and then you can only get this amount of you know credit or whatever if

you are playing with strangers as a team against you know whatever there's there's somewhere you play as a team there's somewhere you play against each other just shooting each other. And of course, like, anyone out in the internet is better at this game than me. And so I just get killed over and over and over again. Like, well, this is great.

Thanks for forcing me to do this. Have you ever played with other people with the headset and talking to them? No, I never have. I never have. I know people who have, and they say that you are exclusively playing with 12-year-old boys. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That are all raised in a house where they're allowed to use the worst swears.

Yeah. And just be, like, homophobic all day long. Oh, man. Yeah, it's... All day long. Oh, man. Yeah, it's, uh, I don't know. It's the only activity where adults and kids are allowed to anonymously swear at each other. Yeah.

Hang out. Threaten each other. Oh, it would be fun to swear at a kid, though. That aspect of it, I kind of like. Well, Paul. Have one. How often do you swear at your daughter? No, I don't swear at her.

You swear because of her. Yeah. I swear around her. I'll let Abby know. She was being a real bag of tar today. Real what? Bag of tar? Yeah.

Ouch. Yeah. I mean, what an inconvenience. Now, you don't play video games. Not anymore. You don't play video games. No, I don't. You never did.

No, because a long, long time ago, I had a very smart roommate. I can still remember. That's right. He said, you can either kind of do comedy or you can get one of these video game things because they're so great now. Who said this to you? This was my roommate. And he was right because I would have quit doing comedy too. What?

Because video games are great now. They really are. Yeah. And so I needed less things that would keep me not going out. I see. I didn't need an extra incentive to stay in the house. But then couldn't it be your little reward for going out? And then you could come home.

I know me. Fair enough. So you used to play video games. Yes. You there. Well, I would play them and I would really only buy like the sports games. Right. Because all those ones where you have to aim and shoot a monster,

I'd miss like three times in a row and the monster would kill me and it was just too much. But the sports games I would play, I would buy the new round of hockey every year with no changes. Oh, they got new uniforms. And updated rosters. And I would only play by myself.

I had two controllers, but I guess that was just in case the batteries ran out of one. So it would be you against the computer. Yes.

Um, and then, um, yeah, like I would play anytime I played for too long or like if Abby went out of town and I was like, I got the weekend to myself. Yeah.

Felt like a monster. Oh, yeah. It feels bad. It feels bad if you go too long. What's your cutoff in terms of like how long will you sit and play video games in one? Oh, until I feel shame. Then I'm like, oh, this feels bad. I'm going to stop.

So it's just different times on different days? Different times on different days. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's many times I stayed up too late playing video games. Then you feel like a real idiot. Yeah.

Like staying up till like two in the morning. I did that the other day doing something equally as dumb. What were you doing? I was watching this Tom Petty documentary. It was four hours long. That's a net. That's a problem with Netflix and stuff like that too, is that you can.

Yeah. It just starts right away. The next one starts right away. Yeah. You're watching a TV series. But if you can, you can't fall asleep playing a video game. I can fall asleep watching.

You can fall asleep playing video games. Oh, okay. You can. I, I can. Maybe that's why these little kids

are beating you online. I think this guy's snoring. It's morning in their time zone. Yeah. They called in sick to school. Yeah,

I, and I've never been good at video games. That's the other thing. So, they would never, it was, it was always just frustration. But I mean, were you playing against other people? That's how you knew you weren't good.

Yeah. And everybody in the room would be like, get off. It's your turn is over. Yeah. My turn was always very short. I think even before that, if you went to like the arcade and you'd play some games, you're like, wow, this quarter lasts me three minutes. Some games, oh, this quarter lasts me ten seconds.

But I never found a game where I was like, okay, this is my style of game that I know how to play or whatever. So, you know what? It was a non- essential thing, so I quit. There you go. Yeah. Fair enough, Cramp. Right? Yeah. Sometimes you just gotta quit. There you go. Yeah. Fair enough, Graham. Right? Yeah. Sometimes you just

gotta quit. I remember that panic of the old arcade when you put quarters in the machine and it's like this is money and it's finite and

I have to make this last. Yeah. But if you win, if you do really well, the quarters shoot out of the machines.

Well, that's in Vegas you're thinking. Oh, right. Yeah. That's what I always assumed would happen. That's maybe why I thought I was bad at video games, because the quarters never came out. I'm not winning my money back.

Did that happen in The Last Starfighter or something? I think you could, the big thing was getting tickets, right? You would win at a lot of arcades, and then you'd be able to exchange them for bags. But those weren't video games. Those were for like... Skee-ball. Yeah.

Oh, sure. Sure. Yeah. Come were for like Ski ball. Oh sure. Sure. Yeah. Come on. Ring toss. That was That thing where you timed basketball shooting. Yeah. Ping pong in the bowl. What other games?

Yeah. Fill up the clown's mouth and then a balloon. man balloon clown um and etc but yeah then now uh that's that's i didn't ever think about that that it used to cost like actual like you had four and now it's just just $500 to buy one of these things. And your Wi-Fi bill. But can't, like, you can download these games, right? For like cheap off of these websites.

Steam. I don't know. They're not that cheap. How much are they? How much is a game? I'm not going to, please, let's not, it's so crass to discuss this on the air. Let's get some money. What a video game costs. How much does it cost?

Well, there was a, I was standing behind a guy in line at the convenience store and I found out how much cigarettes are now and I felt like my eyes nearly popped out of my eyes. Now, Paul, this isn't Canadian money. This isn't Canadian money. $11.50. For a pack of 20. But it can't be that much less in American money.

No, I wouldn't. Well, I wouldn't think so, no. But, you know, it's at least $9 or $10. I'm trying to remember what cigarettes cost when I quit. When I quit, I think they were coming up on $8. So I think it was like $7.50. Back in the day, you guys used to smoke and play video games. Oh boy.

I'd go to the arcade. Barb rolls in one hand, roll quarters in the other. Long time ago, there was a group of guys. We would play video games every weekend. It was like every Friday or Saturday. And there was a big group of us. We would play Halo. And we had four TVs hooked up to four Xboxes.

And we would play against each other teams. And we would play until dawn. And how many people playing at once? 16. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're all in the same game? We were in, I think, two or three different rooms.

No. Okay. Wow. And you're in a coat and a tie of course i am because i'm out for the evening wearing wearing black tie um and i would and you know we all like smoked and drank and ate pizza and it was just disgusting squalor yeah now for hours and hours and hours. But I still do everything. I still just drink and eat pizza. Sure. It's great. I guess

the lesson is just pick two things. Well, don't, whatever you do, don't do them all at the same time for several hours until the sun comes up. And then that feeling walking out and it's daytime and maybe you see somebody jogging. That's real shame.

You're like, oh, boy. That's. I beat him again. Beat the system again. Yeah, look at this loser running from his problems. Not me, man. I'm sitting in a pool of them. But, yeah, like.

I'm covered in crumbs. But you'd be eating food and other people would be smoking cigarettes. Like that would all be going on at the same time. I think we took smoke breaks. I think that was the agreed upon thing is that we would take breaks. Would all 16 of you smoke? No, not all 16 smoked. A good deal of us though.

A good deal of us smoked. Now may I ask you. We them smoke boys. May I ask you, are all 16 still with us? Yes. Wow. You've got the Midas touch. In terms of human beings?

Yes. I keep them alive. That's why none of my podcast guests will ever die. Don't worry guys. It's all in fun. Yeah. It's I'm trying to think of the last time i really just like did something like that where i pushed it to a shameful level it's been a while it is it has been a while where i've like felt like oh boy oh you talking about when you were you went out and

you got drunk on wine was it or scotch on or like, was it a whiskey tasting or something? Oh, at my friend's house where I was sitting down the whole time. Yes, that was it. Yeah. And then when I stood up and I was like, uh-oh. You said footage missing. Yeah. Oh, my God.

It was fantastic. But it's There's been Like I haven't woken up Being like Oh no Like Oh dear So maybe I should

It's been a while Maybe Maybe I'm due For some kind of Crazy boys night out Dave what are you doing This weekend Ayahuasca

Yeah Graham and I Are gonna go On a spirit quest I was gonna shroom Anyway But I'll kick it up a notch. Yeah. Have you ever been at a party where somebody just handed around shrooms?

No. Have you ever gone over a friend's house to eat and the food just ain't no good? This is a lyric. Rapper's Delight. Rapper's Delight, yeah. I don't know why I came up on the tour. We were talking about Rapper's Delight. Rapper's Delight, yeah. I don't know why I came up on the tour. We were talking about Rapper's Delight, and then I had to download it. I realized I haven't heard this song.

And it's a 12-minute song or something? And he says KO pectate. Yes, there's a few different versions. Rapper's Delight is an insane song. First, it introduces you to the concept of rap. Good. Like, Big Mike says, look look this is what's gonna happen everybody i'm gonna do this what i'm doing right now i'm talking in time to the music so everyone don't

freak out that's what's happening yeah i'm not alone here are my friends then they all rap about how great they are and how rich they are one guy raps about having a color tv oh yeah but wait you watch basketball like later in like the 90s there were rappers on their first song rapping about how rich they were yes but rap didn't even exist before like in rapper's delight how were they rich from their rap careers that didn't exist yet i don't know i i guess they they maybe they were independently wealthier they inherited money oh yeah they were just a bunch of rich kids they got into rap they made sound investments my uncle died and has spent a night in a haunted house also they weren't kids they were like i think in their 30s these guys invest your money wisely

um so then then what happened after everyone's been introduced. And how many are there? I think it's like three or four guys. Okay. But it's not like a dozen. No, no, no, no. It's not D12. As far as a gang goes, the Sugar Hill gang, maybe they were including the guys playing instruments.

But they, after they've dispensed with the introductions, the pleasantries. Let's get down to the nitty gritty corners. They tell their story of going to someone's house to eat,

the food's bad and you get diarrhea, I guess. And that's the song. And it's insane to me. You have to go buy K.O. Peck? Yeah.

Which I was, because nowadays, rappers, they'll drop a Cristopeck. Yeah. Yeah. Which I was, because nowadays rappers, they'll drop a Cristal reference. But that's the only brand name in that song,

I think. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I remember like when the last Jay-Z album came out or when the

Jay-Z Kanye West album came out, people made charts of like, here are the brands they mentioned. Here's what they mentioned the most. K.O. Pectate almost never gets mentioned.

I wish you did that with Rapper's Delight. Yeah. So what brands do they mention? What do the Sugarhill Gang mention in their raps? Yeah, Filene's Basement. Wrigley's Gum. I like the boast about a color TV. My favorite boast ever

I think was that Nelly Talking about flying first class Sitting next to Vanna White Yes Well you know It's gotta be a true story You can't make this up

Yeah And but that You know She was at the time The most glamorous woman In the world Absolutely Without question

But the win was This would have been like 1998 Yeah yeah yeah, yeah. This isn't even the heyday of Wheel of Fortune. But she was still flying first class. Well, of course. She's got to go to all those, you know, they do a week in Hawaii.

I'm just thinking of him. They do a week in historical Williamsburg. Trying to think of a rhyme. Colonial. And all the puzzles are like churn. How short is the shortest puzzle on Wheel of Fortune? I think it can be the word thing is the category and it'll just be a weird. But you know they put weird letters in it.

No one chooses. You know what I would do? I would make it the word thing. Category, but then it's also, it would drive? I would make it the word thing. Oh. Category, but then it's also, it would drive people crazy. Has it ever been like Pat Sajak person and then it's Pat Sajak? And then he takes off his mask and it's him. Yeah. He's got another, he's just Pat Sajak.

Yeah. Or he's Vanna White and Vanna White's Pat Sajak. That would be great. Everybody's mind gets blown. Mr. and Mrs. Smith, right? I'm waiting to see it. Don't spoil it. Keep waiting. Keep waiting. Well, right? I'm waiting to see it. Don't spoil it. Keep waiting.

Keep waiting. Well, it's the one that made them fall in love. Oh, yeah. That'd be a fun film festival to put on. These are the films where the two stars fell in love or split up after. Films that ruin marriages. Yeah. That'd be kind of a fun theme for a night.

What? Not fun. Maybe on a Valentine's Like an anti-Valentine's Right Yeah If you want to be cheeky Yeah yeah

That'd be kind of fun So there would be the breakup With Vince Vaughn And Jennifer Aniston I have John Penn's new film Where Was the thing that split up him And Charlize Theron

I mean They were going to break up Eventually anyways Shanghai Surprise With John Penn and Madonna Mmm Right Oh Yeah That Madonna movie That Guy Ritchie directed I mean, they were going to break up eventually Anyways, Shanghai Surprise with Sean Penn and Madonna Mmm Oh, yeah That Madonna movie that Guy Ritchie directed

Oh, that's right, Swept Away We should just have a Madonna film fest Yeah, she hasn't been in You could do that in a night A Vida? I think it would be a long night I forgot about a Vida Oh, never

Dick Tracy? Oh, sure Truth or Dare? Oh I forgot about his V-line. Oh, never. Dick Tracy. Oh. Sure. Truth or Dare. Oh. And then that's, I mean, then there aren't that many. If we're forgetting any, just add P.F. Tompkins. No.

I don't want it. Don't do it. I don't know if I, I've maybe have only seen Dick Tracy and Truth or Dare. Yeah. I remember watching. There's probably two more than you needed to see. I saw Dick Tracy twice. No, did you really? In the theater, my dad was not happy about having to take me a second time.

Why did you see it twice? I was nine. Okay. Like Dave. Paul. What do nine-year-olds love? Dave. Warren Beatty.

They love Primary Colors, Warren Beat baity and moldy old comic strips i thought when i saw truth or dare somebody told me and they lied they said it was like super sex-filled yeah but it's not it's a tour it's a tour yeah there's some there's sex talk yeah but i remember I remember sitting there like, oh boy. Like this is our one shot. The best thing in that is Kevin Costner saying her concert was neat. Yeah. And then she, she's like, what a, what a weirdo. That guy.

Well, what a great slam to see some extravagant concert. Oh, that was neat. We prayed before the show for that. Looked like you were really having fun up there. Good lights. Really, people got their monies. We had such good seats. Thank you.

But yeah, I remember some. Because when did that come out? Was that 1990? I feel like it was 1990. That was a big year for Madonna. Yeah, my friend. And Kevin Costner. Mm-hmm. Dances with Wolves. Oh, yeah. Won the Academy Award.

Did he win for Best Actor or he was the director for that? He was both, but I don't know if he won for Best Actor. No, that would have been my left foot. Probably. Shrugged it. No, because I think that one too. For Best Pictor? Yeah. Pictorb? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, boy. I mean, foot probably shrugged yeah who knows no because i think that one too for best picture yeah big

torb yeah yeah oh boy i mean like i guess all we could do is ask people to at p.s um those uh i i don't know if those uh oscar movies where uh somebody playing uh character that's so outside of themselves, a la My Left Foot. Do they hold up? Because I feel like people see it the year that it comes out and then nobody ever talks about it. Oh, I constantly watch Jeff Bridges' Lonely Heart or whatever. It's the country music, man. Oh, that was terrible.

Was it? Oh, my word. Yeah, it's not good. Crazy Heart. Crazy Heart. I remember seeing it and thinking it was all right. Was it bad? Yeah, that was terrible. Was it? Oh, my word. Yeah, it's not good. Crazy Heart. Crazy Heart. I remember seeing it and thinking it was all right. Was it bad? Yeah, it was terrible.

What was bad about it? Everything. Well, the music was great. Well, it's like, doesn't, what's her name? Maggie Gyllenhaal, she falls in love with him or something? I never saw that garbage. They have some weird relationship. Like, why is this happening?

And then. Dave, I forgot. You're so above seeing Crazy Hulk. Look, I can smell these things a mile away. This guy's sniffing for an Oski. You're the guy that saw Dick Tracy twice. Well, I didn't get it. I wasn't born this way.

Lady Gaga. She would probably be in the remake if they remade Dick Tracy. Oh, sure. Which they inevitably will for no good reason. Who will be? What? Lady Gaga would play the Madonna. Oh, no.

Here's a good reason to remake it, to make it a good movie this time. What? There's no reason that couldn't be a fun movie. I don't remember the movie at all. How about an all-female Dick Tracy? Oh, not my lifetime. It would ruin my grandparent's childhood. Was Dick Tracy not enjoyable?

Because I remember as a kid feeling like it was enjoyable. It's not good. Really? I can see why a kid would like it because... They love Mandy Patinkin's music. Yeah. He plays a guy with like 11, 12 fingers. What has he got?

He's got like extra fingers, extra fingies. Well, his name is, is like Todd Fingers Piano Man or something. Todd Fingers Piano Man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was it. Everybody else was just flat top, but he was, he had a proper last name. No, everyone was a weird circus freak in that movie. Yeah.

They had weird things going on. They were all, they were all Elijah Wood from Sin City in that movie. Yeah. They had weird things going on. They were all Elijah Wood from Sin City in that movie. And they invented a guy they invented a guy for Al Pacino that wasn't in the comic strips but they just made him like hey you're not

going to get away with you're going to wear makeup too dude. They just made him into a monstrous looking person. Uh huh. But like all the people

in the makeup were they famous people? Yeah Dustin Hoffman was Scarface or Mumbles or Michaels. Really? Yeah, there were like a number of known actors that were in those. That's so weird. He also played Captain Hook in Hook, Lest You Forget, and Tootsie in Tootsie. Lauren, Tootsie Collins.

A rogues gallery of freaks. Yeah, he should win the Oscar lifetime achievement. Achievement. Sorry. For being a deviant. It's like a real Vincent Pricer. Lon Chaney the third. But did you grow up with Dick Tracy comic books?

Were they good? It was in the paper. I remember it being in the paper. And it was like a serial, right? He wouldn't solve a crime in one. It was a serial and I would read it, but I could not follow the story. I could not. It was like, I think they're just old ones.

They're reprinting out of order. Yeah. I think in our- And then one week it's Wizard of Id. Yeah. In our paper, the only non, I guess, I mean, I think they were mostly intended to be funny, the comics. Yeah. But the only drama was Rex Morgan MD.

Oh, sure. Rex Morgan MD. And then Funky Winkerbean became a drama when, because one of the characters went to war and one of them got AIDS. It was crazy. And there were a few that were like, what was the, for better or worse? Yeah. That had like, it was like picket fences. Yeah.

It was like, it had funny moments, but it really made you feel. Yeah. That was one where the characters would age in real time, right? Yeah. Yeah. And then didn't they reset it once? Yeah. Yeah. That was one where the characters would age in real time, right? Yeah. Yeah. And then didn't they reset it once? Yeah.

Somebody found the Infinity Gauntlet. What? That's from the Marvel. That's from Rapper's Delight. Another one of the products. A rap brag. I got an Infinity Gauntlet. Zap.

I'm back in time. It's like the glove that has the jewels on it. Yeah. Okay. That's the infinity gauntlet. All right. Oh boy. Oh boy. Paul loves accessories.

Wood wear. But yeah. He subscribes to a bunch of gauntlet Instagrams. I saw that somebody tweeted today that Andyy cap is still yeah they're still making fresh andy caps wow and i don't even know what the gag with any cap is except he's a drunk irishman it's a is that the whole thing yeah it's like a horrible stereotype like he's out drinking guinness all night yeah and then his wife throws him out of the house doesn't she like go out with a rolling pin Yeah Yeah

There's still that Yeah Yeah Well we need that That's real America That's what's gonna make This country great again Yeah

I remember one Trump cap 2016 And they're wearing Each other's hats So Andy Cap Will for the election He'll wear one of those Trump baseball hats.

That's fun. And Donald Trump will wear a little tam. That green tam. There was one called Mary Worth. Oh yeah. And she was just some old lady who I guess solved people's problems. That's all I can remember about.

Wow, yeah. Were people right in with their problems? No, no, no. Dear Mary Worth, please act out my problem. What was her job? I don't no, no. Dear Mary Worth, please act out my problem. What was her job? I don't know what she did, Mary Worth, but I got the impression it was like a sort of soap opera. And she was the- I only remember it from Simpsons where they mentioned a rare Mary Worth where she advised someone to commit suicide.

I remember that. I remember that. But yeah, so she would just solve problems. She was like, uh, she was like a murder. She wrote, or she was like,

yeah, without the murders. Right. Yeah. Problems. They wrote problems. She solved. Um,

yeah, I don't know. It's weird because, uh, I haven't read a comic book section or a comic. I haven't seen, I haven't held a newspaper in years. I mean, I like to hold one up

to my bosom. Yeah, sure. Clutch it to your heart. When you sleep or just to remember. Yeah, what else you got on that bed stand? Half read books. Let's see. Earbuds. In case I need to listen to

something in the middle of the night. Yeah. Sure. To drown out the slurping of the water. Um, and then, uh, ah, my phone. Gotta have that phone. Gotta have that phone. And then I have a second, we don't have bedside tables.

We have cubby holes. And so we, on, on the top layer, it's mostly, uh, emergency supplies. Oh yeah. In case I need to. Road flares. Yeah. Because in my dream, my car breaks down. Yeah, yeah, I understand. We have, like,

it's almost like that, where there's a flat surface you can put things on, and then, like, a little slot underneath that where you can store additional things. Dust? Yeah, mostly that. Books I'm never going to read.

But we try to make a rule about no screens in the bedroom. We're not going to have any glowing screens in the bedroom. And I want to say that lasted a week. Oh, hey. Yeah. I mean, it was a good idea. Do you have a TV in your bedroom? Great idea. Do you still talk about it? No TV in the bedroom. Oh, hey. Yeah. I mean, it was a good idea. Do you have a TV in your bedroom? Do you still talk about it?

No TV in the bedroom. Oh. We haven't had a TV in the bedroom since we first moved in. What do you make love to? Andy Cap. Our phones. YouTubes. We watch Andy Cap on our phones. It's the only way I can come.

I've been on the road too long. This week, Barry Worth advises her friend to use a visual aid to help him come. I like this salty Paul. Yeah, salty Paul. Salty Paul. It's not good. Salty Paul. No, no, no.

I got to get back to normal. I'm losing. I've like said and laughed at things that I never, ever would have. Just out of pure fatigue. And so this whole month that you've been gone has at any point as your wife come out and joined the tour? Yeah, she came out to New York. Okay.

And so we had a couple of date nights, which was very nice. Nice. Just go out and have a nice dinner. Make it a blockbuster night. We made it a block. Yeah, we had a couple date nights, which was very nice. Let's go out and have a nice dinner. Make it a blockbuster night. We made it a block. Yeah. We rented a VCR. We watched Bad Boys 2.

Oh, you got to see that on VHS. But not in the bedroom because the rules are rules. I sprang for the head cleaner because I wanted to make sure we had a pristine viewing experience. Ooh la la. Just to show off a bit. Yeah, exactly. Well, she's my lady. We will take these two movies.

And do you have anything to play them on? Well, we've got a camcorder and a bunch of plugs. Yeah. So, see if that works. How old is this Hershey bar? Is the chocolate discolored? Thank you. Is it enlightened?

So it hasn't been like a solid month of just bachelor living road. Yeah. What is like you're a real clothes horse. I am. I'm a horse about it. What do you, how do you live on the road with limited coats? It's tough. I wear a lot of the same stuff over and over again.

I brought two suits for the stage. Zoot suits. Zoot suits. I'm having a riot. Yeah. I threw back a bottle of beer. Oh, wow, you guys. I made a chart of all those beer references

in that song. There's one bottle. There probably are. Yeah. Bottle. Can. He says, Michelob tonight, baby. At some point. Yeah, Michelob tonight. That was the ill-fated Michelob character shaped like the moon? Yeah.

Oh, man. They thought he was going to take over for Ronald McDonald. They really did. No one can. Then people lost interest. Which they don't seem to notice about Ronald McDonald. But the Mac Tonight thing was supposed to be, hey, we're going to make McDonald's more adult. Yeah.

And then they have a guy in a weird costume. That's not grown up at all. That's what I do as an adult now. I like to see a weird celestial body. Oh, this character, he's wearing a tuxedo. How sophisticated. So I would bring two suits that I would wear only on stage. Right.

And then I would wear, sure. And then I would wear the clothes that you see to travel in. And then I would wear the clothes that you see to travel in And assorted shirts and underwears and socks And then a few pairs, a couple pairs of pants Sorry, I asked Dave Paul What can we do to bridge this gap?

Why am I, why did I come here? I didn't have to do this I didn't have to do this. You didn't have to do this. I did not have to. And we are enjoying the shit out of it. Many, many people, I feel like I did have to do this because many people writing to me

and maybe to you guys as well. Yeah. Oh, hearing that I was going to be in Vancouver. What else can you do here? You gotta go get together with Graham and Dave. And here we are. Here we are. You gotta. You gotta. You gotta go get together with Graham and Dave. And here we are. Here we are. You gotta,

you gotta go wait online. Um, yeah. Like, uh, even when I've gone, uh, you know,

like done the fringe festivals or whatever for a couple of weeks, wearing the same clothes all the time, it becomes a bummer, right? It does. What you gotta try to do is move as little as possible, but it's also, I mean, you like to try to do is move as little as possible but it's also i mean you like to move so much in the morning yeah yeah luckily this tour has given me ample opportunity

to do that really it it because we are just we're traveling and then getting to the place maybe a little bit of downtime and then doing the show it's kind of like you don't need that many clothes because you only you only need clothes to be out in the world. Oh, yeah, that's true. Yeah. And then, you know, there have been a couple opportunities. Just it timed out perfectly like places where we could clean our clothes. We were able to do that and then keep it going.

Like just as you're about to run out of clean stuff, we would get to a place where, oh, great, we're here in enough time to do laundry. Would you do it at the venue? A lot of those venues, they got the laundry backstage. There was one that had that and I was kind of, I was like, oh, I kind of wish I'd known. I would have promised. But there was one, we stayed at some place where they had a laundry room in the hotel. I was like, that's great. I go down there and there's, you know, something like four or three washers and two dryers.

And then I had enough to do two separate loads, but then somebody had gotten there ahead of me. So there's one, I had to cram all my stuff into one washer. And I saw this guy come in and take his clothes out, you know, shortly after I started my cycle and put them in the dryers. I was like, oh, okay. All right. And that guy looks like he works here maybe.

And I thought, well, that's crazy. Why would he be doing his laundry here? And then when I came back down to put myself in the dryer, that guy was pushing, like pushing like some gigantic machine. Like he does work here. Why is this guy doing laundry in the guest laundry room?

And then I, then I was thinking, does he live here? Yeah, that's the great thing about working at a hotel. You get to live, work, and play there. Yeah, it's a sweet life. If you're Zack and Cody. But maybe it was the employee one you went into. The employee laundry room. It said guest laundry.

Well. Then why wouldn't he say to me, you're in the wrong place, pal. Well, maybe he's polite. No, it's like. Polite. Oh, polite. He's guest laundry. Well. Then why wouldn't he say to me, you're in the wrong place, pal? Well, maybe he's polite. No, it's like. Polite. Oh, polite. He's a coward. It's like Caddyshack.

There's an employee swim. You just happened to show up on the day it's employee laundry where he got to use the guest laundry. Yeah. Did you drop a Snickers bar in his laundry? I did. It was like that. Then it became like that baby shower game.

Where you try to identify it. Because it went through the dryer. Yeah. What is this baby shower game? Oh, it's disgusting. Have you actually been to a baby shower that does it? No, no, no. I know.

But I don't know what this is. My wife boasts that she is excellent at this game. They take different candy bars and they melt them onto diapers. It sounds like something a bunch of dudes would come up with. Yeah, exactly. It's horrible. Then you have to guess what candy bar it is. Based on?

The melted state. Visually? Yes. Okay. No, I think they make you lick it off the diaper. Well, that would be easy. Recipient buttercups. Just by sight, you have to

determine which candy bar it is. Oh, that is so... It's horrible. Disgusting. Horrible. I've never... I've never... I've never been to a baby shower, and I've never really gotten a full report back. Men don't... They don't really do them for men. No, they do these co-ed baby showers now.

It's a drag. It's the worst. The worst. So what happens if they don't do the diaper game there? What do they do at the co-ed ones? The co-ed ones, it's like people sit around drinking white wine in the afternoon. Sounds good so far. And everyone's just sitting there like, I't want to be here i would this was my

day off i'd like to be at home and then so like after after like a baby is a curse after a real after a really boring party yeah that no one wants to be at then you watch the people open gifts oh fun oh that's yeah that's but at least the gifts are like fun things that everyone likes. Yeah, like diaper genie. People love the supernatural. No more wishing for extra diapers. Is that how that works? That's right. The diaper genie

grants ironic wishes. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't know. I kind of, there's part of me that wants to attend one just so that I don't know. There's part of me that wants to attend one just so that I have that experience. We'll check it off the old list. No, I'm telling you right now. This is not an experience you need to have.

Okay. Well, I'm going to take your word on this. But if I get invited to one, do I get to say that Paul F. Tompkins said I don't have to attend? Sure. Yes. If you want to take? Uh, sure. Yes. If you want to take it up with him at P.F. Tompkins. Ow.

What is all this shit that's sliding off of this chair? Sorry. It's just books. Come on, Dave. What are they books about? Oh, Bangkok. Oh, don't worry about it. Oriental City?

Hmm? Oriental Setting. Is it Oriental Setting? Where the city don't know what the city is getting. What is that from? From chess. One Night in Bangkok. I don't know the lyrics.

I just know the feel. Doesn't that guy say he was the first rapper well he gets his i know for one fact he gets his kicks above the waistline sunshine yeah so only rub his boobs so don't try oh so this is a guy he's above he's above it but he's still hanging around in that he's in the game but the game is chess. Ah. I forget that part. And everyone knows the first rapper was Blondie in Rapture. Yes, mm-hmm. All right.

Telling the story of Fab Five Freddy and the aliens from Mars and cars. Yeah, cars and bars and guitars. And they eat all these things that rhyme with ours. Oh, wow. McMars. When would that have been? That would have been 1980-ish. Ooh, but wasn't there some, weren't there some rappers in the

late 70s? Yes, of course. Blondie's not the first rapper. Well, I don't know. No, you do. Well, what's the difference between

Blondie the singer and Blondie the comic strip? Well, zero difference. What? Same person? The comic strip is based on the

adventures of Blondie the singer. Blondie the singer, aka the band. That's right. Wow, I didn't know that. So Dagwood's a real guy. And those sandwiches are real sandwiches.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone actually has that hairstyle. In every sandwich. Just four hairs jutting out on either side of his head. In every sandwich, he stacks stars, cars,

guitars, and bars. Would Dagwood's boss, wouldn't he like hit him sometimes? Yeah, would he give him a little, like kick him in the butt? Yeah. And sometimes? Yeah, would he give him the old, like kick him in the butt and stuff and he would fly

out of the office? How weird. Also, would that be a hilarious Halloween costume if somebody went as Dagwood

with the two hairs sticking out? It would look horrifying. I bet you'd have to explain it to a lot of people. Like 100% of the people that you know. And they'd be like,

is this some kind of pun costume that you have to explain? No, it's just a guy from comic strips. Yeah, Dagwood. Bumstick? You mean the show from HBO? That's Dagwood.

Come on, guys. That was a fun interaction I dreamed up. Well, do we want to move on to overheards? Why not a little bit of business first? Oh, shit. Life can be fun. Don't get carried away. do we want to move on to uh overheards why not a little bit of business oh sure stop podcasting yourself is supported in part Casper, an online retailer of premium mattresses for a fraction of the price. They offer an obsessively engineered mattress at a shockingly fair price. And they've got a risk-free return policy.

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Listeners can get $50 toward any mattress purchase by visiting www.casper.com slash SPY and using promo code SPY at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. Do you want to move on to overhodes? Oh, yeah. Hey, guys. This is Adam Conover. You may know me from my true TV show,

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And don't worry, everyone. We got this. We got this. We got this. Overheard. Overheard. Oh, what's this? Oh, it's a segment that we do. Or we have done.

Yeah, we don't have to do it if you guys don't want to. No, no, no. He's got one. Has there ever been a show where you didn't do it? One time. But did you forget? No, John Doerr steamrolled everything. Yeah, that's right. Yeah.

It was a great episode. We always like to start with the guests. Oh, I'm the host. You're the guest. So you do these meetings. Yes. And I have not overheard a lot of things because we've all been together. Yep. And just listening to each other. Do you find the more you get together, the happier you'll be?

Now. It's from each other. Do you find the more you get together the happier you'll be? Now, who's song is that from? It's from Blondie's Raptors. The more you get together the happier, is it from Rapture? No, the more we get together the happier we'll be. Yeah, it's like an old

nursery rhyme. It's like a kid's song. Da da da da da da da da da da. A kid's song That's one of those songs That has a million Different Verses Yeah Or the clown is gonna eat

Yeah Yeah What from it Well no It's a different We all float down here What Overheard you say

Yeah You've been on Hey Paul We're doing You've been on tour Been on tour We've been doing these Meet and greets after the show.

Who's the worst person you've met? The worst person I've met? Yeah. I will not say that. I wasn't expecting you to answer. We did have a terrible person, but I almost said it, but I'm not going to say it. But there was somebody...

But, listener, if you've met Paul and the gang while on tour you can just assume it was you yeah yeah assume it was you there was someone who went down the line and had a weird thing to say to all of us like a weird backhanded compliment oh yeah oh wow and so the one i overheard was to lauren this guy said i saw your uh special on Netflix, the characters. And she went, oh, thank you. And he said, well, I wasn't trying to watch yours. I was watching another one.

And then yours just started. She went, okay. Because how would you respond to that? Yeah. And then he said, it was weird. I watched the whole thing. It was weird. Yeah.

And she said, I don't know what. It was weird. Yeah. And she said, I don't know what to say to you. Do you have something I need to sign? Do you want a picture? It was so, it was so weird. There's been, there's been a,

I mean, honestly, 99% of the people have been so great and so nice. And it's really been fun meeting everyone. But there, there is like we we would compare notes after the show like what did you get tonight and there's always a weird thing when you sign things you just sign your name or do you uh we we just do names like every

once in a while somebody asks for a specific thing we'll do it but can you say can you say the preamble to the constitution yeah in order to but it's hard because people have been asking us to sign a lot of t-shirts and t-shirts are hard to write on while they're wearing them or just the every once in a while while they're wearing them but usually just lay them down on the table and then we got these fabric markers which helps a little bit i guess but every little bit helps i think every little bit help uh dave do you have an overheard? No. Mine this week, it comes courtesy of my wife because I didn't overhear it, but she did. And she goes every couple of weeks

to visit a chiropractor, which is like a type of doctor. A head shrinker. Yeah. It's a type of not quite doctor who tells you to wiggle your toes and then snaps your neck off. It's a type of Not quite doctor Who Tells you to wiggle your toes And then snaps your neck off

I think I'm gonna guess That most of the people listening Know what a chiropractor is Have you Either of you ever been? Yep I've never been

I've never been either Never been to a chiropractor Yeah It was alright It was alright Yeah I haven't been back Was it fun?

Yeah It was kind of fun Was was all right. Yeah. I haven't been back. Was it fun? Yeah. It was kind of fun. Was it a roller coaster ride? I'm kind of terrified of it. My wife will get her back cracked sometimes. Like her brother. By Bane? Yeah.

Yeah. She was not minding Gotham. Her brother is a physical therapist. And so he will do this thing. It terrifies me when I see it, this whole process where it's like, she's laying down on the floor and then he will like push on her back in a certain place and it makes a noise and it's horrible. And she's tried to get me to do it. And I'm like, I will not do that. Cause all I can think is that I'm going to cripple her.

Yeah. Yeah. Don't be that guy. Hey, don't be that guy. Don't be the guy who cripples his wife. Two kind of people in this world. Wife cripplers and the other kind. Don't be that guy.

So she was, the little offices that you go in and you get worked on. Yeah. She was just waiting for her therapist to come into her. But they don't, they're not, they don't go up to the ceiling. So you can hear what's going on around in different offices and, uh, her, uh, chiropractor was in the next one over with these two people in their seventies, an old couple who she's seen around

before. And, uh, the chiropractor was talking about how she's about to go to Spain. She's going on this trip by herself, like, uh, her partner's not even coming and it's going to be a great, she's going to go to Spain. She's going on this trip by herself. Like her partner's not even coming and it's going to be great. She's going to go to all these cities. And then the old couple starts saying, hey, you know what? We should go to Spain too.

And then, and they, the way they're talking about it, they're saying like, well, yeah, we should go around the time you go. And we may not be able to stay in the same hotels, but you, but we'll rent a car and we'll pick you up every morning. What? That's just, well, the family that cracks together. And so this poor woman is having to be nice to her, have nice bedside manner while these people are inviting themselves along on a trip immediately. Wow.

What was their relationship? Chiropractor and patient. Okay, that's what I thought. There's no blood relationship. No, these two are just an old couple that are retired. Their backs are terrible. Have been wanting to go to Spain for a while, and why not now? Yeah, why not with our chiropractor?

And the chiropractor, all the chiropractor could say was, you guys are so funny. Yeah. Like, yeah, this is, this is, you guys are Howie Mandel. This is how we do it. And you guys are pranking me. But she did apparently have to then call them later and then like make sure this isn't happening. And they were like, oh, we've already been to the bank, but we don't have to. Oh, wow. That's insane. This isn't happening And they were like Oh we've already been to the bank But we don't have to Wow

The bank That's insane We just took out a mortgage On our house Second mortgage So we could fund this trip to Spain Yeah we were gonna buy you A house in Spain

To live with us forever I bought matching runners So we could run with the bulls Matching runners Is that sneakers? Shoes? Yeah Oh

Is that not a I've not heard runners before. Oh, yeah. I've heard trainers. Yeah, runners. I was saying that, okay. I didn't know. Yeah, runners is just a...

Yeah, sneakers. Fun. Isn't it more fun to say sneakers? It is. For sneaking around. Yeah, absolutely. Graham. Yeah.

Have you an overheard? I have an overseas. Whoa, whoa, overseas Whoa Ayo Acceptable alternative I was Sitting in a restaurant And that This was the thing

I was trying to Look outside To see if there was Any context To what I was seeing An older lady Wow That got heavy

Well because This was an older lady She was wearing a t-shirt. And I was like, oh, maybe she works at a sex toy store. And I was like, but there is no sex toy store on this street. So it can't be. I know where they all are. Wait, is there a new one?

And it looked like it had been a shirt. Like it's a favorite. It's a favorite shirt well worn a lot yes uh they just said uh have an erotic day just try and stop me yeah have an erotic day and i was like erotic day yeah but at 5 p.m i must insist that you stop do not have an erotic night Make it a blockbuster next But yeah

So I was like Oh maybe it's just a lady on her break From the sex toy store Would they also have pornography? At a sex toy store? Some of them would Wait was it Dr. Sue Johansson? Oh jeez Louise it was

I was so busy looking at her shirt. Yeah. Can you rent, we were talking about renting. Can you rent sex toys? No, can you rent a porno movie and also a VCR from a sex toy store? Yeah, I think, you know, we don't want to discriminate against our elders who maybe haven't taken up with the internet porn. And that, I mean, if they haven't, though, they probably would have their own VCRs. But I bet it's blinking 12.

Oh, yeah. The idea of being elderly and still having a sex drive depresses me immensely. What about a blanch from the golden girls I just feel like I want it to be over at some point like I want to be done with this thing being such a driving force in my life yeah I

remember when I was a kid wondering like cause some of my friends dads were like super into building ships in a bottle or you know, things. I didn't know where this was headed. And I was like... Super into building sex robots. Like, I'm not gonna lie.

Building their own sex toys, sex swings in the backyard. But yeah, and I always just assumed, I was like, oh yeah, that's what that's what old guys do when they're done with their wives. done with their wives. Done with their wives.

I'm going to go build a ship and a bottle. But I don't know. I don't know. Do you think anyone's ever made an X-Wing sex swing? An X-Wing sex swing? Yeah. Dave, I think it's well within the realm of possibility. To the motel.

Probability. Motel. X-Wings? X-Wings. Now, we also have overheards sent in to us from around the world. If you want to send one in to us, you can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org.

And this is from some, this overheard is from some older people. Speaking of which. Thank you. I appreciate it. This is from Michael, parts unknown. Last week, oh no, he was in Columbus, Ohio. Oh, okay.

Making my way through a crowded store in Columbus, Ohio. Takes everything you got. The flow of people was limited by three older women having a conversation in the middle of the walkway. One older lady was laughing, one looked happy, and the third was red-faced and angry. As I passed, I heard the angry one say,

He was only my cousin technically, and I only really kissed him once. Well, there were fewer people back then. That's true. And fewer ways to meet. Yeah. Now you can go on Cousindate.com. Family Tinder? Yeah.

Swipe right for what i felt bad yeah i know i didn't have a way to go but i also got i said swipe white racist tinder well yeah or twicey weilden Well, yeah. Or Twacy Weildon. This next one comes from Jen P. This is an overseen. This is a- Because of P? He's been on the road too long. He's been on the road too long. Going out of business sale, liquidation sale, everything must go, tattoo and piercing parlor, call, then the phone number, ask for Spider-Man.

Oh, wow. So, do you think that that's his tattoo name, Spider-Man? And, follow-up question, do tattoo artists have crazy names that they give each other? Let me ask you, I want to answer the second part first. Okay. Yes, of course. Okay. First okay first do they also have secret identities yeah yeah yeah probably like spider-man's real name is probably josh yeah and they like take off their tattoo sleeves oh finally my arms can breathe tired of being cat bond Kat Von D all day. Now I go back to being Kate Von D'Odoi.

D'Odoi. Yeah, and then it was the answer to the first part of the question? It was probably the actual Spider-Man. Oh, yes. Yeah. Because he's a menace to the city. I don't believe that it was hyphenated, which is... Right.

That's the way Spider-Man spells it. That's how you know the difference, and you don't get sued, I don't believe that it was hyphenated, which is, uh, that's the way Spider-Man spells it. That's how you know the difference and you don't get sued, I guess. Yeah. Which is why would he, why would they, is he the only superhero with a hyphen? I guess. Oh, good question. Oh, um, yeah. Spider.

Oh, what about Batman Baxter Bernie? Uh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So Spider-Man, do you think Spider-Man only does those spider web tattoos on your elbows? And top of your head. Do people get them on the head tops? Oh, yeah. I guarantee that's what Spider-Man has. That just bleeds a lot.

Oh, yeah. Getting it. No, your skull bleeds a lot. That's why those wrestlers would like do the razor blade thing. Yeah. On their skulls. And I. Yeah.

Why am I talking about wrestling to you? Getting a head tattoo now, like now. Takes everything you've got. It makes more sense. Cause at least, you know, you could grow your hair out. Like once you tattoo. I worry about that, that like. know, you could grow your hair out. Like once you tattoo it. I worry about that. That it wouldn't grow?

Yeah. That's why I haven't done it. It's the only thing stopping you. Yeah. I guess that's true. Like maybe the scar tissue wouldn't let it grow. Yeah. What would you get?

Oh. Oh, boy. The, you know, something Motley Crue related. Boy, oh, boy. I was searching for a word and that's what came out., something Motley Crue related. Boy, oh boy. I was searching for a word and that's what came out. Yeah. Motley Crue. I would assume if the, if the hair would grow back around the tattoo, I would get like a star or something so that I would grow my hair up like kid and play.

And so if you saw me from the top, it'd be like, oh, special surprise. Yeah. There's a star in there. Oh Oh I think I spotted Paul on Google Maps Why don't you grow your hair like Get in place Why don't I do that The fact that you can and don't It seems like work

I think I would have to use a lot of product Do you think you had to shape it Every day Wake up or would it? Maybe not every day, but every couple. Yeah. I think you're imagining it being like four feet tall. But it was, it wasn't.

It was tall. It was tall. What, at least? It was six inches? Top hat tall. Yeah. And who would know? With the tattoo I would get, you know how like sometimes someone will have to breathe like on their wrist to remind themselves?

I would do that on the top of my head, but I would like, so it would be like a lot of effort to remind myself to breathe. I need mirrors and things. But it also is. But then I'd breathe. It's a treat for other people too. Then they don't have to get that tattoo. Sure. If there's a tall guy on the bus standing behind me, he knows he can breathe on my head.

Uh, this last, uh, over, this is another overseen from Mike P walking into the supermarket. Not going to do it. Nah, I got it. For some reason we've been doing Dana Carvey's George Bush. I don't know why that's happened. Well, it wouldn't be prudent. But we've been doing it a lot. Nah,. I don't know why that's happened. Well, it wouldn't be prudent. But we've been doing it a lot. Nah, God, wouldn't be prudent.

At this junk church. Thousand points of light. Walking into the supermarket, there was a little girl on the 25 cent horse just saying, what have I become? What? I know. How old was this girl? Little. Okay. What have I become? What? How old was this girl? Little. What have I become? Yeah.

What have I become? I've become the thing I hate. I am death. Yeah. I've become death. Destroyer of worlds. And horses. And little plastic horses.

Guys, in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. Since when? Well, brand new phone number, Paul. What?

This is unprecedented. Well, it was precedent last week. The new phone number is 1-844-SPY-POD1, which also spells one, ugh, spy pod one. Call it like these people have. Hi, Dave, Graham Graham and possible guests. This is Jo Beth from Oklahoma City calling in with an overheard. Last week in Oklahoma City, a truck hit a bridge of a pretty major street here and it caused it to collapse, which became pretty big news in the city. So the next day I was at a coffee shop, and the table next to me,

there were three people talking about kind of current, latest news happening around the city. And someone asked, did you hear about that bridge that got hit and collapsed yesterday? And one of the other people responded and said, oh, no, did it murder anybody? There's been a murder in everyone's assessment. Including you, Bree.

It's the perfect crime. Yeah. We hit a bridge by accident. Huh? Or was it? Caused it to collapse. Did it murder anyone? Also murder.

Well, that's, I think, it. Yeah. Murder. Murder. The bridge murdered someone. Yeah, that's true. And it's due in court. But even if it was killed, it's not that the bridge didn't kill anyone.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. It murdered. Did anyone die is the question. Yeah. Did the bridge assassinate anyone? Yeah. It's not the bridge's fault. Did anyone die is the question. Yeah. Did the bridge assassinate anyone? What were the bridge's motives? Here's your next phone call, guys. Okay. Hello, Dave and

Graham and possible guests. This is Gretchen calling in with some cute stuff that children said to me. So I work at a school. I was in the kindergarten classroom and a little girl grabs my hand and she's looking at the ring on my finger and a couple other kids huddle around

and they go, ooh. And then this other girl holds up her hand, which has a Band-Aid on it, and she goes, I have a Band-Aid. And this boy holds up his hand and he just goes, I have a wrist. Sure. Let's all point out things we have. I goes, I have a wrist. Sure. Let's all point out things we have.

I remember when I learned about wrists. That was a great day. My life was changed forever. When did you learn that it was all in the wrist? I feel like two weeks ago. On tour? I'd heard that, but I didn't believe it and then I learned it for myself.

It was all in there. What were you doing at the time? Tennis. Fair answer. I'd heard that, but I didn't believe it, and then I learned it for myself. Okay. It was all in there. What were you doing at the time? Tennis. Nope. Fair answer. That's true. Top answer, ping pong.

Turkey. Oh, yeah, that would be a good family feud. Did you ever see that? What? There was a British family feud where this guy, in the final thing, answered turkey to four of the five questions and were they appropriate one time i think and every other time was a real stretch like a food you bring to the beach or something and he's turkey but he said the way he says it is so delightful turkey he says it a little differently every time. Did they have turkey in England before Plymouth Rock landed on us?

Yeah, because it was always- They brought it back? Well, like- It was always Christmas goose. And it's associated so much with Thanksgiving. Yeah. I don't know. Was it like an exotic turkey?

And it was also weird if you saw a turkey and thought, I'm going to eat that crazy looking bird. Because it's pretty crazy looking. It was almost the national bird. Turkey? Yeah, Benjamin Franklin proposed it to be the national bird rather than the bald eagle. He got down on one knee. He was a freak.

What's our national bird? We don't have our national. Well, maybe we have one. I don't know what it is. I know a national. Oh, it's the loon. Oh, yeah. Well, doyoy.

Okay. We did it, guys. Here's your, I mean, if we're wrong about that, at PF Toppkins. Here's your final overheard of 2016.

Hi, Dave and Graham. This is Linda calling with an overheard. I teach kindergarten in Greater Vancouver. It is a different, no, this is the same person. The other day, one of my students had to go home early This is Linda calling with an overheard. I teach kindergarten in Greater Vancouver. It is a different person. No, this is the same person. The other day, one of my students had to go home early, and I said to him,

oh, how come you're going home early today? And he looked up and he said, oh, my grandma died. We're having a celebration. Celebrate good times. Come on. I hated that grandma. She's dead you can personalize celebration for whatever event you're having yeah we'll do it for you send in your event and we'll record a version of the song celebration with your celebration

oh what are the mortgage burning He's dead Mortgage burning He is the father Graduated dental school Come on Come on, Jeremy For an extra Few dollars We'll put your name in there

Oh boy That is some great stuff A few dollars. We'll put your name in there. Oh, boy. That is some great stuff. Well, I wish this didn't have to end, but this brings us to the end of the show. Guys, was I good at all? You're the best. Come on. I feel like every time I do this show, I walk away from a feeling like I'm not a funny person.

Here's the thing. I am forever going to think about you with a kid and play haircut with a star in the middle. That you can only see from skyscrapers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But don't drop a penny on it. Please don't. It'll kill me. It's so tempting. That's why I'm going to wear that stovepipe hat everywhere.

That's a funny thing if you sat in front of somebody in a movie theater and they're like, remove your hat. Can play haircut. Also, only one of them had that haircut. Yeah, well. I think it was kid. Christopher Kid Reed. Yeah. And not Charles play Nelson Reilly.

Is there anything coming up that you would like to plug well i don't know where i am in time and space right now okay so maybe you can ground me something anything coming up in june yeah this fourth this will be a little after june 4th let's call it okay well i'm gonna say australia comedy bang bang is coming to australia in August. Same tour kind of deal? Same tour. Me and Scott and Lauren. I don't know who else will be joining us, if anyone, but we'll be down there in August. By the time people hear this, I will have put the information up on my website, paulottomkins.com slash live. So check that out. We're very much looking forward to it. It's going to be a lot of fun.

That's going to be a lot of fun. That's a, that's going to be exciting. Yeah. This, this, we've really been having a great time doing this. And it's good. That's a good crew. Yeah.

And I feel like, yeah, everyone is, everyone is cool. Nobody's a sourpuss. Nobody's a weirdo. Nobody's a screw up that is always late or whatever. It's like a nice group of fun adults.

The artificial slogan of the tour. Yeah like a nice group of fun adults. The unofficial slogan of the tour. Yeah. A nice group of fun adults. Do we have anything we gotta plug? I believe episode two

of our debut album is out now. Oh, wait. Let me also plug my Spodcast. Okay. Yeah. What's that called?

It's not called Spodcast. But why isn't it? It's called Spontaneanation. Yeah. Why isn't it? That would be a better, it? It's called spontaneanation. Yeah. Why isn't it? That would be a better, it would be easier for people to spell and remember for sure. Yeah.

I don't think it's hard to spell or remember. I don't think so either, Graham. Why is everybody giving me a hard time about it? Why do they think it is? How do they? Spontanation. I get that a lot. Okay.

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's not as much fun as saying spontaneanation. No. Yeah, you're right. But that's every Monday from Earwolf. It's free every much fun as saying Spontaneanation. No. Yeah, you're right. But that's every Monday from Earwolf. It's free every Monday. Guys, come on. Come on.

What do you want from him? If people, if you wanted to get our advice on naming a podcast. Yeah. I'd just not go with Stop Podcasting Yourself. It would be a very cool acronym though. Yeah, because that's all we talk about is spy stuff. Pertinent. Yeah. It just looks cool though. Yeah. Because that's all we talk about is spy stuff. Pertinent. Yeah.

Just looks cool though. Looks cool. Thank you so much for being the guest. Thank you for having me. Why do you guys wait? First of all, I derailed your plug

of our debut album. Yeah. Episode two. Which is so great and I can't wait for episode two. Thank you. It is,

I really thoroughly enjoyed episode one. It was a pleasure to listen to. It'll be, episode two features Emmett Hall of the Sunday Service. Oh, that, speaking of sourpusses. Yeah.

That guy. And, yeah, we do a little, we write a little song, don't we? Yeah, we write a real ditty. Mm-hmm. How many songs are going to be on the album? Twelve. Twelve. Twelve months, 12 episodes, 12 songs. Muy ambicioso.

Yeah, right? Oh, boy. Oh, boy. And if you like the show, head over to MaximumFun.org. Check out the blog recap, pictures and videos relating to the content of this podcast. Surely, Kid and Play will have a photo. Sugar Hill Gang. Sure.

Yeah. The 12-minute version of that song. Yeah. Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Swept away. One of those movies. Yeah, yeah. Dick Tracy.

God, I'm Dick Tracy. And, yeah, thanks for listening. If you like the show, tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Dave, what are your strange shoes? These look like immigrant shoes. Oh, these are Birkenstock Boston. Oh, sure. They're my house shoes.

And look at your fun socks. Yeah, they're from the Montreal Expos. Oh, sure. They're my house shoes. And look at your fun socks. Yeah, they're from the Montreal Expos. Oh, sure. Elb. There's something Rhea Butcher would wear. That's true. That's very true. She's a real fancy sock baseball lady.

Yeah. She is, man. She's one of the people that got me into baseball this year. Oh. Are you into it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who do you play for? I play for the Phillies. Oh, my God.

Of course. Wow. Maybe you see the Phillies. Who do you play for? I play for the Phillies. Oh my God. Of course. Wow. Maybe you see me out there. Yeah. I don't, I don't, it's hard to follow baseball up here. It's not. Well, it is if you don't know anything about baseball. There's, here's the thing.

I've not followed baseball since I was a child. Yeah. It is a very easy to follow game. Okay. I was surprised because i started watching from the beginning of the season and i was like oh what's this going to be like you know and it's like instantly there's very little to the game balls and strikes yeah yeah like but why why is but like box scores and all that kind of stuff but not necessary you don't know yeah not necessary

oh really not necessary so it's just the only the you, like as far as like stats and things like that are concerned, they're only good. They can be an enhancer when you know the player's stats when they step up to batting. Like, okay, this guy is good. He's got all these runs batted in. Right. So that means we have a chance here to rack up some hits or whatever. But that's all so cumulative over the course

of such a long time that it doesn't, you might as well not pay attention to that. That, I think, would really add enjoyment to the latter half, or the last, as the season winds down and it gets closer to the playoffs of the World Series.

Then knowing all that stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. This is just me, like, honestly, not knowing any of that stuff and just watching the games. It's very easy to follow.

Nice. Yeah. It's enjoyable. What a deadline. Oh, yeah, right. Why can't that be a thing we talk about? Save, I forget this about you.

You're so mean sometimes. What? You're so mean. I always want to get overheard. What do you want to talk about? Overheard, but we just started about to start. Fine. Alright. Let's get an overheard. No! P.S. I don't have one.

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