Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 431 - Kevin Banner

Episode Date: June 20, 2016

Comedian Kevin Banner joins us to talk about wrestle fights, the Cure, and reality show applications.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 431 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who I just watched inhale some angel hair pasta, Mr. Dave Shumka. Um, yeah, yeah, that wasn't pasta. No. It was actual angel hair.

Oh, what? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you should have saved some, sold it on eBay. I was hunting the other day. I was hunting for birds. Bird hunting. This is the, yeah, this is a parable that a lot of ministers will tell at church. I was hunting the other day.

Uh-huh. And I, this vision came down and I was like, sweet, it's a squab. Yeah. And so, I was like, pew, pew, pew. I was laser hunting and we. When I came to, pew, pew, pew. I was laser hunting. And we. When I came to, there was only one set of footprints in the snow. Yeah.

And. Anyway, so I killed this angel, brought it home. And my people, we use every part of the angel. Yes. So I've noticed that you have a brand new golden hula hoop out in your backyard. Yes, I do. I put sweet wings on my Stratocaster. You're wearing a robe.

Yeah, sure. And we made the roof of the house out of a harp. Well, that brings us to the end of this year. Why not? That was great. Yeah, that was a fun little game we played. Our guest here today, a favorite, a very funny comedian, who is recording his very first album in July at the Comedy Mix,

Mr. Kevin Banner. Hi. Hi. How's it going? Hi, little boy. Hi. Hi. How's it going? Hi, little boy. Hi. I'm so excited. Is this like your Howie Mandel has the Bobby voice?

Who's Howie Mandel? Oh, because you're young. That's pretty good. That is very consistent character work. Who's Howie Mandel? Perfect. Hi. Hi. No court would convict you of knowing who Howie Mandel is Hi Kevin

Hi guys Do you want to get to know ourselves? Get to know us Yeah I'll take that as a yes So it's been probably like about a calendar year Yeah I'd say

Let me check my iCal Checks out? Oh I need to update So in the time Since you were last here One of the things that you did That I think you've always wanted to do is you got in the ring and did some actual real-time wrestling. You're goddamn right.

Now, if you don't remember Kevin, the listeners, if you don't remember Kevin, he's a wrestling fanatic as well as a, you do stand-up comedy. I am a comedian slash fanatic. Yeah. Fanatic first. Yeah. Fanatic first. Yeah. No, yeah. I got in a little bit of a scuffle

with a man called Ladies' Choice. Now... Who put your head through the wall at the Little Mountain Gallery. At the Little Mountain Gallery and it is now...

Framed? Framed. Ryan Beal has written where my... Wr written the date and my name. Now, how did that happen? That is. Well, okay.

I'm not going to insult the intelligence of your dumb listeners by saying, I'm not going to insult the intelligence of the bumpers by pretending that, uh, professional wrestling is a real competition. We had a whole thing planned out where I wanted to help promote ring-a-ding-dong dandy to wrestling fans. Cause we get a real competition. We had a whole thing planned out where I wanted to help promote Ring-A-Ding-Dong Dandy to wrestling fans because we get a lot of... And for people who don't know what that is, it's Graham's monthly wrestling show.

That's right. Kevin is the announcer. Yeah. And you do these great announcements every month. Almost every month. And this week was kind of dog shit. But yeah. And so I wanted to promote Ring-a-Ding-Dong

Dandy to the local wrestling crowd. I wanted some of the local wrestling crowd to come to see, you know, our shows. And so I had a plan. I am friends with some wrestlers cause I've worked with Mick Foley and Jake the snake. Now, how is. You worked with them in what capacity?

You were a snake for a brief time. I was a snake charmer. They did some roofing together. Oh yeah. Using my halo. I mean, duh. Harp. Harp.

Now, Detour. Was that fun? That was so fun. Like the working with Mick Foley was great because, uh, he's just such a sweet dude and he was new to stand up still like about a year in, but, uh, yeah, he was so much fun. Such a great guy. Jake Snake. Uh, he was fun too.

Was he doing standup? Yeah. He was at Yuck Yucks. He was like telling his, uh, mostly road stories. Uh, Foley, it was. He wasn't doing impressions. No. Or he's an impression of ravishing

Rick Rude? We look kind of similar, don't we? Yeah, and he does observational comedy. He's like, you know when your snake bag is ever notice how the second rope is a little tighter than the top rope? It's weird, right? I mean, why don't they make the whole

plane out of the second rope? But, yeah. But Mick was great. He's very sweet. Jake, you could feel like he's a dark dude. Yeah. You can feel the darkness. But he was really fun to be around in the small green room at Yuck Yucks.

I like it. They paint it green for him because of his snake love. That's correct. And, uh, I'll plow forward. I, uh, it's a small room and it's made smaller by the fact that I'm standing in it with Jake the Snake and he's quite large. Yeah. Like, uh, cause he, uh. Shockingly tall.

Yeah. Cause to see him amongst other wrestlers, he wasn't one of the taller guys. No, and not even like, like a physically fit looking guy. Yeah, he to see him amongst other wrestlers, he wasn't one of the taller guys. No, and not even like a physically fit looking guy. Yeah, he was never fit. No, he had like stick legs and a pot belly. Somebody weak at all, a spider. Except for my fear of snakes. Yeah.

And Robertsons. I didn't even get to see the movie Cops and Robertsons Because I thought it was Robertsons Can I get my plugs in and leave? But he says I said I'll get out of here Jake Let me shimmy past He goes brother guys like us don't shimmy

I was like you're god damn Motherfucking right sweet old Jake the snake Is it required That all wrestlers call people brother? I think so. It's in the bylaws. So, yeah, Jake was great. They were both really fun shows, but very, very different. Because Mick is very cheery, and he's the light,

and Jake is the darkness. But they don't, they're not, they're telling stories. Yes. It's all road stories. It's not like, yeah, they're not trying to. It's kind of weird that there's no place for that. That they're like, well, I guess I'll do that in a standup comedy club. Sure.

But like, is there a place like if there was somebody famous that's just like, I just want to tell these crazy stories. I think Henry Rollins, Rollins? Yeah. Yeah, he kind of did. He'll do, like, a theater. Yeah, that's true. But maybe, yeah, maybe, like, I don't know. There's just no storytelling clubs, I guess.

I guess was my point. But that does, it does bug me a little bit that when Mick Foley got success with his touring, now there's a lot of wrestlers trying to do it and not every wrestler is as charming as Mick Foley. Right. So there's a lot of plugs out there trying to, trying to squeeze another buck out without having to, out having to fall down, but. Plugs? Plugs.

Jabronis? Yeah. You mean Jabronis. I could mean Jabronis, a J-brone. I've just never heard plugs before. I like it. It's not a, that's not wrestling. That's just. That's just you? Yeah. I could mean jabronis. A jabron. I've just never heard plugs before. I like it. That's not wrestling. That's just.

That's just you? Yeah. No, it's not me. I can't take credit for the word plug. No, but calling somebody a plug. Is that. Just to avoid having to explain anything else. I'll just refer to everybody from now on as a horse abortion.

I got tweeted. I got tweeted and messaged that a lot after my last spy appearance. Without context, it's weird. Yeah, but it's important that people tweet. And so your Twitter handle is? At horseabortion667. I don't want to have to explain everything. So just like listeners go back and listen to all of Kevin's previous appearances. Or we could just not talk about it.

Oh, sure. Um, so where were we? We were talking about, uh, I killed Lady's Choice. Oh yeah. Okay. So Lady's Choice is a local wrestler. Local wrestler. He's been in the business for 17, 18 years.

And I, through my friendships with wrestlers, I've, uh, a few of them have said like, Hey, if you ever want to do something, maybe come up with an idea. Let's, let's pitch it. Yeah. And so my idea was to cross promote these two shows was that I would come out to promote the show, uh, a wrestler would come out and be

offended that we're making fun of wrestling. Hmm. And then, uh, would come, uh, get me, attack me at ring a ding dong dandy. And then I would be in the corner of my friend ravenous Randy Myers, uh, when he took on that person to get their revenge. So this is taking place over three events? Three events.

Two wrestling and one comedy. Two wrestling, one comedy. And like I said, I'm not going to insult their intelligence or pretend that it's real. So up to a point though, uh, the idea was the plan was ladies choice would come to ring a ding dong dandy and ladies choice is like a desirable man. Oh yeah.

He's the man with the plan and the million dollar California tan. Uh, yeah, yeah. Pretty good. Um, he's, he's one of the, one of the greatest characters I've ever met. Like he's just a beauty, but, uh. He's no plug. But he showed up, he showed up for Ring-a-Ding-Dong Dandy.

Now the plan was he was to kick me in the stomach and then, which would bend me at the waist. And then he would punch me in the face. That was our plan. and then he would punch me in the face. That was our plan. And instead, he punched me in the face, grabbed the back of my shirt with both hands and then threw me headfirst through the wall. And that's, at that point,

it went from being a fun like storyline to like, oh, I can't wait to take this guy's head off. Like I'm going to do everything I can to hurt him. Because there was a real life doctor in the crowd that night that was checking you and doing the concussion test. He just happened to be there? She. It was a she.

I know. Well, I've seen the audience of this show. I can't operate on this kid because he's a wrestling fan. But she was very concerned and then messaged me the following morning. And you said, can't answer. I'm dead. She's like, well, good news because I'm not a doctor. Well, I thought I was.

I thought I'm a lady. Sore. You thought you were just sore. I thought I was just sore. I was like, ah, that hurts. I'm a little bit, you know, banged up. I haven't been through a wall in a while. And, uh, and cut to that was on like a Tuesday

or Wednesday. And then Friday night I was at the comedy mix tuning show. And when the stage lights hit me, I got so light headed and like seeing little flashes and I was like holding the mic stand, like gripping it just to stay upright. Oh my gosh.

I was like, oh yeah, I've got a little bit of concussion going. So I was. An LBC. Furious. And, and yeah. And so then the show came and I got the opportunity to, uh, he was going to attack

Ravenous Randy with a chair. So I jumped in the ring. I gave him a little low blow. Um, what does that mean? You touch his wiener? Slapped it like. Yeah, with my mouth. I low.

I blew him. I bit his, I bit his, bit his, uh, Johnson. And, uh, and then he, he, he dropped the chair. He spun around and I fucking clotheslined him out of his boots. Not literally, but. Wouldn't that have been great, though, if his boots actually came off? Or his boots stayed on the ground.

Oh, yeah. Oh, that's the dream. It would look like he was, you know, raptured. Maybe that's a service I can offer, like, wimpy dudes. That I go, I make fun of their girlfriend. He steps in. Right. And then I've got these shoes that they're stuck to the ground.

And when he pushes me, they stay, but I go flying and then he pays me $50. Yeah. And you were, Oh wait, I have to go stand over here. And then you,

you use the special magnets or anything like the smooth, smooth criminal video. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyways, that's my retirement plan. So when your head, it went through drywall. Yes, my head and my hand, like I got a cut. I got a little bit of scar. You could see it.

If you get out a magnifying glass, it's pretty bad. But yeah, I got my hand and my head. And then I. But what was behind the drywall oh a stud like yeah luckily he missed a stud by very small amount and a giant a giant chunk of rock uh that they used to pry open the door in the summer uh missed my my face and teeth by millimeters so like i said i went from like this is awesome. We're doing this fun wrestling thing to, I really want to know what his blood tastes like. Salty, I bet.

Do different blood types taste differently? I don't know. I'll have to try. Yeah. If you're a vampire, write in. But yeah. And so, clotheslined the ever living gravy out of him. And that's an expression.

And one of the wrestlers in the company said it was the best non wrestler clothesline he's ever seen. And I was pretty happy because I was trying to think of who else is throwing a clothesline. I know like WWE hall of famer, Drew Carey. I think he might have. I think, uh, Donald,

Donald Trump maybe did not, maybe not a clothesline, but did some fake punch a ruse. Let's not get political. Oh, yeah, sorry. Maybe Alice Cooper in his capacity as a manager. Sure. Vanna White, that time she hosted the, hosted.

Did she ring the bell once? She spelled out WWF. That was her. But then, so cut to just like a week or two ago. And, uh, I went to the ECCW had their 20th anniversary show. ECCW. Elite. It used to be extreme Canadian championship wrestling. Now it's elite Canadian championship wrestling.

Too extreme. Uh, but I went to their, excuse me. I went to their 20th anniversary show and ladies choice was there. After the show we. And some drywall showed up. We shook hands. We shook hands and took a picture. Was this your first time seeing him after

knocking the ever living gravy out of his boots? I saw him, I saw him at a comedy show. You knocked boots with him? I saw him at a comedy show cause he also does a little bit of standup and I saw him at a show and it got a little tense for a minute. And then all these comics are sitting around like, is this real? And I was like, shut up.

But no. And so we shook hands, buried the hatchet. And then he tweeted out the picture that we buried the hatchet. I've got fucking three or four tweets from this guy in new West. Who's furious that he goes banner disrespects professional wrestling.

And then you shake hands with him. Jesus. So you're, are the listeners of this podcast. You don't want to insult them by assuming they think wrestling is real. Are there people who go see wrestling? I think it's real. Yeah.

At this point, at this point, no, no. And that's why it's so insulting when somebody's like, finds out I'm a wrestling fan. They're like, it's not it's so insulting when somebody's like finds out i'm a wrestling fan they're like it's not real you know it's like that is so fucking offensive to me that's what i say to people like game of thrones oh it's not real but it's based on real drag that's true

all that stuff happened at some yeah i mean there's some like it's there's it lines up with history yeah um uh because i used to work with a guy at a warehouse that when he described It lines up with history. Yeah. Because I used to work with a guy at a warehouse that when he described watching wrestling, it really felt like he thought it was real. Right. In the terms that he used. And I was like, but you know that this is, like, that guy will be okay. Well, except for, like, world championship matches. That guy will be okay, except he will die in his 40s. Yeah, that's, oh

boy. Although, are these, this generation of wrestlers, they don't use as much of the... No, and it's

funny because like you'll see interviews with older wrestlers who, like guys who have survived and they'll be like this new generation, they go to their hotel

room after and they play their video games. Yeah. And we used to go out and drink a party and party it's like oh uh how many of your friends are still around well that's because back in the day it used to be arcades so you had to do something while yeah yeah now you just there weren't 24-hour arcades yeah but i just imagine like in 20 years the the current crop of wrestlers going on their spoken word tours and being like the current crop of wrestlers going on their spoken word tours and being like,

well, I was playing Madden. And it was insane. I created a player based on myself. And this was back when we had to use the controllers with our hands. Oh, man. That's going to be the hard luck story that you tell your grandkids. And so you got to live a dream, which is great. Uh, what else has gone on? Uh, since I saw you last, uh, I opened for the legendary, um, carrot top.

No, it was, I worked with, uh, I would love to, I would also love to, I want to see his show next time I'm in Vegas. Well, maybe two times from now when I go to Vegas. You go to Vegas on a kind of a regular. Yeah, I've been thrice. I'm supposed to go in October for my friend's bachelor party a month and a half after his wedding, but I don't. Yeah. His wife has a deal. They're like, even though we're married, you didn't get to have a bachelor party, so you're allowed to sleep with one stripper.

Are you supposed to sleep with people on your bachelor party? Oh, absolutely. Everybody gets let down if you didn't get to have a bachelor party so you're allowed to sleep with one stripper are you supposed to sleep with people on your bachelor party oh absolutely everybody gets let down if you don't and everyone has to watch yeah i mean they they have the option to watch then they all uh then there's a receiving line for the escort where everybody kisses around the cheek oh you had a did your brother have a bachelor party recently? Was it just now? Yes. This past weekend, but you couldn't go? No.

But they were, they didn't do any, both of my brothers, they didn't do any strip club things or anything like that. Your brother brother's married? Yeah.

My youngest brother, Patrick, is married. And for his thing, we went and shot rifles. Okay. And then we went to a bar and drank. But like,

did your dad come to both of them? Yeah. Yeah. You can't do anything if you're bringing your dad along. I think, in fact, I think it's a good idea to bring your dad along. Yeah.

Yeah. That's yeah. Unless your dad's Jake the snake and then you can do whatever you want. Oh, sure. Um, but I'm like, I,

it's expensive to go. Like it's going to be a couple of thousand bucks just to go for two days, uh, for his bachelor party. But I don't, I don't get drunk anymore. I, I don't fucking,

I don't make tender love to hookers. I don't, um, you know, I don't like strip clubs. I've never been a big strip club guy. Uh, and I don't do drugs in America.

So it's not. So it is like, yeah, it's $2,000 to go hang out and watch a bunch and babysit. Yeah. A bunch of my friends. But you could go see Rita Runder.

Yeah, sure. Well, that's the other thing. Last time I went with this group of guys for a bachelor party years ago, none of them go to show. It's like none of them will go to do anything there but drink. Right. Do they gamble? Yeah. Do you gamble at all? A of them will go to do anything there, but drink. Right. Do they gamble?

Yeah. Do you gamble a little? A few guys will gamble. I don't gamble anymore either. So it's, uh. Or did you gamble before? I don't want to talk about that. I'm too scared to do it.

Yeah. I'm not even scared about losing money. I'm scared about like. Thumbs? Losing your thumbs? Well, I know. Well, like I wouldn't probably bet more than I had on me, but I'm more afraid of just like not, uh, you know, following the conventions and just offending someone. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Cause I've done that at, uh, blackjack

table and no roulette and, uh, made, uh, everybody else was playing very mad. Cause I just kept playing the same bet every time and I just kept making back the exact same amount. They're like, if you play a different square, then you might win. And I'm like, ah, but I might lose. What I'm going to do? Can I blow on some dice?

That's not a part of roulette. Now they just have a machine that does that where you just put your lips in and they bring some dice up. So, yeah, all the things that you would go to Vegas. Well, you could go to the Pawn Stars shop. You can go see how much that thing you have is worth. Go do some math with Chumlee. Yeah, let me call my musket expert over here.

I was doing that for a while. That was my crowd work thing. I would pick someone out in the front row and I'd tell them what expert they would look like if they were on Pawn Stars. That's pretty good. It didn't go well. Yeah. I guess not a universally known reference. It's like,

what? You guys don't go on the road and watch TV all day. you know, what's weird about that show that I, I just learned on like, uh, it was like a listicle, uh,

is that the show itself is shot on a set. So that looks exactly like their pawn. Apparently it's in the back of the ponds, the pawn shop. Yeah. But they like the business in there is so sporadic that they couldn't film because it would be like, well,

nobody came in today. Well, that's they do. But like now they've got fucking lineups. Like if you want to go to the gold and silver, uh, nobody came in today. Well, that's, they do, but like now they've got fucking lineups. Like if you want to go to the gold and silver pawn shop, you have to stand in line like it's a real thing. It's like it's a food truck. Oh, wow. Imagine though, imagine being in Vegas and just seeing one of the pawn stars guys, especially the old guy that wears the hat.

Oh, the old man who sounds like he's drowning? He thinks everyone's doing something wrong he sounds like he's drowning in his own lungs that's not good um so you you uh you won't go to shows by yourself have you been to vegas once but i was 17 i'd like to go back but maybe i wouldn't like yeah i love it like there's i do like because i went with uh my girlfriend for christmas we were down there right and it was great we went to see a whole bunch of shows and what'd you see we saw jersey boys fantastic we saw cirque de soleil uh it was great other than the cloud, uh, just a very French cloud.

And, uh, uh, I'm trying to think what else do we see? Uh, oh, we saw Mac King. He's a magician. Okay. Great. And, um, yeah, I think it's, it's when I was growing up, like. And Vegas hadn't sort of had this rebranding yet. Of the.

Of like. Like you had to tell people. Yeah. When you came back. But it was sort of, it was sort of seedy. Like it wasn't, you know, you wouldn't bring your wife. Right. You, but now, but like back then it was, you would go see showgirls or.

Yeah, yeah, right. Or a magician, but not like big names. But yeah, and there was also these Vegas names that were like, not people who are famous from somewhere and then ended up in Vegas. They were like famous in Vegas. In Vegas, yeah. Like Sigfrida Roy or like, what's his name? The singer, Don Kishan. Yeah, Don Kishan.

Yeah. Wayne Newton. Yeah, Wayne Newton. Yeah. Wayne Newton. Um, or Liberace or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Uh, but now, yeah, I think Liber, no, Liberace wasn't still alive when I went there, but, uh,

yeah, Siegfried and Roy, they, they were still, they were still alive today. Well, yeah, except that one guy,

didn't he get tiger, tiger face? No, no, that was, that was blown out of proportion. There's a great YouTube clip because I've watched some Liberace. Was that the pasta I was eating earlier?

He got driven onto the stage for his show in a fucking Rolls Royce. And he gets out and he's got a 40 foot fur coat on. Don't you like my coat? And then he just looks at the people and they're like eh, you know, not really. I love it. I love that kind of humor. You see? And then it's our tax write-off.

I used it in my show. It was a punchline. He's the act that's known. He brings his blender on stage. He does the thing where he sits in a recliner. Well, I want to write off my internet,

so we're going to do an internet-themed thing. Did he ever use the internet? I don't know. I don't know if Liberace ever... Do you want to know when he passed? Yes. So you were 17 in 1997? Yes. Ah, I just aged Graham.

Yeah. Oh, no. My youth. Liberace. Liberace. Oh, he died in 1987. I was supposed to say 1887. Did either of you see that movie? With michael douglas yeah yeah under beneath

around the candelabra uh because he uh at one point it was his uh his lover man who was the driver of the yeah yeah of the candelabra mobile i think it was always his driver. Oh, that was his. Oh, right. And then they replaced when they when he got a new lover man, it was a new driver. New driver man. Don't you love Mark Hamill? See, and I don't feel like you could have an act like that could never exist again. Just a guy who's really good at playing the piano and.

And kind of, you know know just really campy campy and like closeted well or he just didn't find the right woman yeah he was i think publicly he was still a bachelor yeah well to the day uh to the day he died he always said he was uh straight and sued the national choir and all these publications for saying he was gay but uh yeah but like i don't know if there's there's nobody now that's like just an instrumentalist oh there's like kenny g oh yeah okay yoyo ma but he doesn't he doesn't wear as nearly as many no but like there's um yanni and yeah teshi these guys are still going yeah i think so xanthir then master yeah my grandpa used to have a lot of xanthir oh he may be dead then my grandpa yeah for sure

i was at the funeral he died of xanthir um uh and then uh who's the other one there's another it's another saxophone guy i guess maybe daft Punk is basically like Liberace. I guess so. They just come out and bleep a bloop and they wear funny costumes. Yeah, and everyone's like, are they gay? It's like, no, you're thinking of the blue man. Well, because Liberace would

have his driver, lover, get plastic surgery to look more like Liberace. Completely normal. Those two deaf punk guys look along. Yeah, yeah. That's true.

Their helmets. Every time you see them, pretty. What? Oh, I don't know that phrase for things. Their masks. Isn't it a metaphor for the masks we all wear on our helmets? Yeah. Smoking.

Isn't it a metaphor for the masks we all wear on our helmets? Smoking. Somebody stop us. Do you remember that there was a, I was thinking about this the other day. There was a goalie in the National Hockey League named Jim Carrey. Oh, yeah. Around the time of Jim Carrey. It was spelled Carrey with one R, but he had two great nicknames.

The Mask. Yeah. And Net Detective. Oh, those are pretty good. I think I saw there was a poster. Yeah. Back in the day, Jim Carrey,

Net Detective. And then on his way out, he was called The Majestic. Yeah. And that time he let in 23 and a half goals.

Still never seen that movie. Still know it only by goals. Still never seen that movie. Still know it only by reputation. He was an instrumentalist. Doesn't he play saxophone in it? Yeah, he does too. The one and only time I ever went to Las Vegas, I saw the unknown comic, Murray Langston, who was playing.

Wait, how do you? Oh, because it was called The Unveiling of the Unknown Comic. He would unveil them every night? Yeah, he would take off his paper bag and be like ta-da and somebody you've never heard of uh he was doing the same act I think he had been doing since the gong show era and uh then I was super drunk and he started playing uh like blues riffs on the keyboard he got drunk during the show? Before, during, and probably after. But he started off drunk.

Yeah, he started off drunk. And he kept drinking. He went to go have a smoke, and his buddy in the audience, who was a comic, came up and did 10 minutes. How big? The only shows I saw in Las Vegas were huge. Oh, no, this was very small. This seems like it would have been a tinier one. I'm going to go have a smoke but my buddy here yeah it was and then he came back and played blues riffs on a keyboard

you put on sunglasses well that was a good it was i was gonna say 1997 but that's like a 1987 and i that's the kind of stuff you would do after Liberace died. I begged my dad from the second I saw the poster till he took me to the show. I was like, dad, please take me to that point. Dad, please take me to that point. Did no one else in the family want to go? Including my dad. The other show we saw was Piff the Magic Dragon. Oh, yes.

And he's great. I have watched. What is it? What is that? He's a magician from England who dresses like a dragon and then has a chihuahua dress like a dragon with him. A dragon. Mr. Piffles. And his show was great. His opening act was great.

His name's like Handsome Mike or something. But every time, every, he would, he fucked up a few of his tricks. And every time he would make a mistake, he would stick his hand in his pocket and just throw confetti. So every time he, I want to start doing that. Every time one of my jokes bombs, I'm just going to throw confetti. Because when you went, who did you see? You saw somebody. Well, I went because I won a contest, competition.

That's right. The meet, hootie and the blow. The funniest comedian with a day, competition. That's right. Got to meet Hootie and the Bloke. The funniest comedian with a day job. Yep. Or something. It was, yeah. If you want to do comedy in a Boston pizza at 7 in the morning, I suggest that competition. And I went and I saw Second City, Las Vegas.

Right. I saw Jay Leno Nice And What was his Was he just doing Like an act Or

It was Like I went in with a very positive attitude Yeah Because you always heard like Well he's really gone downhill Since the Tonight Show But he

Back in the day He was as great a comedian Right The greatest of his generation and it was pretty tonight showy yeah right and um yeah and it was a lot of people who were fans of the tonight show in the end like i remember sitting behind a guy in like whatever what's the the uh letterman jacket no no the hawaiian shirt uh company not maui gym they're the sunglasses oh tommy bahama mctommy guy in a tommy bahama shirt with his arms out over other people's chairs and a giant cigar

just in his fingers not smoking it just holding on to an unlit cigar getting ready to enjoy jlano calendar fell off the wall okay son of a bitch a bitch. And then, and I also saw Jerry Seinfeld. Oh yeah. In the Celine Dion auditorium thing. Right. Wow. And that was good. Yes.

But see, that's what I want. I want to see somebody who would be the, like, I guess Carrot Top would be the Vegas, the most Vegas act. Or Rudner. Is she like permanent in Vegas?

I think so. She's like the, you know, number one comedian in Vegas, a thousand Vegas actor. Or Rudner. Is she like permanent in Vegas? I think so. She's like the, you know, number one comedian in Vegas, a thousand years in a row. That's the other thing is that you find out when you look at the advertising in Vegas, almost everybody is the number one. Whatever. Ranked, but they just like the great George Wallace, he was there for 12 years or whatever at the Flamingo and his was, uh, his distinction was voted best 10 p.m. show in Vegas. Ah.

And so everybody had, everybody's the best at something so you just have to look at what it, what's, uh, uh. They've got a great free newspaper where people can vote on everything

once a year. Who's the, wasn't there a magician, Danny something? Danny Gans? Danny Gans. I don't think he was a magician. Impressionist.

Oh, impressionist. The man of a thousand voices. Yeah, when I saw Jay Leno, it was in the Danny Gans theater. Because, yeah, he was pure Vegas, right? Yeah, I guess. And then there's the guy that won. Terry Fator? Terry Fator?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he does like. I would see that. He sings. Apparently his talent is singing impressions, yeah. Yeah, he does like. I would see that. Sings, sings. Apparently his talent is singing impressions, but nobody gives a shit about that. So he does it through a puppet.

Yeah, he does it ventriloquist. And then it's the most brilliant thing in the world. Right? Like he doesn't move his lips as well. According to Late Night TV, everyone cares about singing impressions. Because they'll bring on Ariana Grande, do your Christina Aguilera. Singing, you know, the Monster Mash.

That would be a fun Halloween segment. Let's bring on Ariana Grande. It's written. Yeah. Have you ever seen... Because I feel like Vegas is a place where... Vegas, baby. Yeah, I should go like Vegas is a place where Vegas baby. Yeah.

I should go there as an adult. Hey, try it out. Yeah. You go to my buddy's party. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're a Kevin costume.

What are they going to do? Are they going to go just drink? Yes. See, that's something that I think would be very expensive to do in a place. It is. It's super expensive. Cause like I, I, last time I was there, uh, or two times ago, I was there for my brother's wedding and, uh, I ordered a pint of Coors Light and I gave the guy a 10 and he's like, that's not enough. I was like, well, this is fucking insane.

Um, but yeah, no, it's very expensive. So like all in all, like it, it's just too much. I love, no, it's very expensive. So like all in all, like it, it's just too much. I love, I love my friend. I love most of the world, but I didn't know where that sentence was going.

But, but God damn it. Like, it's like my brother got married in Vegas. It's like, Hey, thanks for the fucking $2,000 bill. Right.

Just to come watch you express your love. What? Like, I feel like there's always like, Hey, if you gamble, you can ask to be comped for drinks. But like,

like, okay. If you sit there and you're playing slots, they'll bring you free drinks, but that's because you're dropping 50 bucks an hour money in this lot. But, uh, but also,

yeah, I don't gamble anymore. So it's like there's just nothing there for me if i'm going with people who are going to just get pissed all day right do you go get bottle service is that the kind of drinking or where do you go drink uh my friend well here's the thing it's called the table uh by my friends they just it's just a table that's out in like one like i don't even know what you'd call it, like an outdoor kind of cafe place.

And they just sit at this table and, and nobody's coming to clear your, the table. Right. And so it's just bottles and bottles, bottles. So at a certain point in the day, every square inch of the table is covered by a, uh, a aluminum bud light can. Right. And, uh, uh, yeah, we just sit there and get. It's reflecting off, uh, hitting pilots in the

face with the light. I hope. Yeah. Uh, but yeah, no, it's just, it's a lot of fun. It was a lot of fun the first time I went with them, but now I don't, I don't party. So. Yeah.

I can't imagine. Kevin's lame. Oh, I'm the drizzling shits, but I just can't imagine. Wait, is that a bad thing? That's not a good thing. Oh, you've always called Kevin's lame Oh, I'm the drizzling shits But I just can't imagine Wait, is that a bad thing? That's not a good thing Oh, you've always called me that Oh, sorry And that's what my doctor said is normal for a person my age

Yeah, well, my doctor's a woman But she could operate on me For the following reasons Dave, what's going on with you, man? Guys? Yep I, uh Dave, what's going on with you, man? Guys? Yep. Well, my daughter is no longer in a cast.

Yay! It was three weeks of broken-leggedness. And her with so much energy. Yeah. Just nowhere to put it. Now she's got places to put it. You're like, I'll tell you where to put it. Pops.

Yeah. Listen up, pops. Shove it up your ass, dad. How did you learn that? And then I learned it from you. I think at the hospital they must have some schedule where every second Monday we put

casts on and every other Monday we take them off. Yeah. Because. Like, this is a big cast-off week. Like, we saw so many people we saw from putting the cast on to getting their casts on. Oh, yeah. Do they use, because always in movies, they would use a special type of saw to cut open a cast. Do they do that?

Yeah. Wow. It's called a bone saw. And it's always ready. Bone saw is ready. Is that a wrestle? It's from Spider-Man. But it is Macho Man Randy Savage.

Oh, right. So it's a little bit of both. It doesn't cut skin. But it looks like a pizza cutter, right? Yeah. But loud enough to make a baby cry. Oh, yeah, absolutely. It's weird that they haven't figured out a way to make that quiet.

I don't know. It's amazing that they figured out a saw that can cut through something very hard but not skin. Oh, yeah, they've got those, like, table saws. Anyways. Is that thing, is it a spinning saw? Because when I had a broken wrist when I was younger. Jaggernaut. The one, way too much. And that literally everybody who saw me for six weeks asked about my-

No man can get a wrist injury without that. If you're going to break your wrist, do it before puberty. Yeah, otherwise the bag whacking jokes are coming like rain. But even if you do it as a baby, all your friends will make jokes to you like, man, son started early but when i got it cut off it was like like a like a vibe when i got my dick and balls cut off oh that's so weird and replaced with slightly smaller dick and balls i've heard about that but it was like a vibrating saw. It didn't spin. It just. Oh.

Yeah. Maybe it didn't spin. I don't know. Yeah. But it was loud enough for that. Everybody gets scared. Yeah. And then we, the next day, we had had these tickets to go see The Cure.

Sure. For months and months. And we assumed, oh, we'll just leave Margo with a babysitter. Yeah. And then we realized, oh, the show is super early because it was at an outdoor venue with a curfew of 10 o'clock. And we're not giant Cure fans, but we were like, it seems like a fun night out.

I like a lot of their songs. Yeah. Did they do that song where the guy says baby like five times in a row? Baby, baby, baby. That's the only. Are you thinking of the cult? Oh, I am thinking of the cult What are the cures?

Oh, that's the guy with the lipstick Alright Yeah Somebody is just fucking livid right now Some bumper is like, who's this ick? In 430 episodes We've never mentioned the cult And then two weeks in a row

Yeah, that's true We talked about the cult last week Yeah, so The Cure Been touring probably for 30 odd years yeah uh what's the name robert smith and i don't know who the rest are yeah robert smith and the heartbreakers sure um and uh yeah it was there sounds so good oh yeah yeah where was this it was this? It was at Deer Lake Park in Burnaby. Okay. Which is... Don't see the stars in Deer Lake Park. It's beautiful. Okay.

The only problem is there's nowhere to park around it. Oh, yeah. And even if you get the closest parking spot, you're still walking up a hill. Ugh. In your goth... What was the goth count? Your goth whatever, like platform boots. Saw a lot of those.

Yeah. It's weird because I never, they were a little before my time musically. Because like the goths in my high school were into like Marilyn Manson. Yep. Merlin Manson. Merlin. The country singer Merlin Manson. And like Nine Inch Nails.

Yep. After the. They wanted Nine Inch Nails. Yep. After the... They wanted to fuck everybody like animals. After the Columbine shootings when they referred to people as the Trenchcoat Mafia, I was like, oh yeah, we had one of those. Oh yeah. We had a whole, we had whole groups of them. Uh-huh. There was even, which I think it was rare at the time.

I don't know if it's still rare now, but there was a black guy who was a goth. Oh. So I don't know if that seems like it's a rare thing. Did he wear white face paint? Yes. So we didn't know for most of the time he was there. What a tragic day, that Columbine Day, huh? That was the day that Rick Rude died.

Really? Yeah. Overshadowed. April 20th, 1999 That's right It's like Mother Teresa and Princess Di And the night that I was supposed to watch Leprechaun 2 Oh really? I watched Candyman that night

Anyway, so yeah There were quite a few goths And there were like different types of goths There were like people who you can tell They're goths all the types of goths. There were like people who you can tell they're goths all the time. Hawaiian goths. Yeah, there was Hawaiian goths. That wore like black flowery shirts.

And like black, lays of black flowers and carried black ukuleles. Of dried flowers. Oh, Hawaiian goths. They got me in the right place there were cowboy goths merlin manson fans yeah no there were like full-timers there were people who like are special occasion goths oh yes and there was the one guy i loved the most was a guy like you could tell he was goth in the 80ies and it was like in a TV commercial where dad puts on his old jeans and they don't fit anymore. What? No, no good. He asks his family, uh, except he was like fully like late forties, uh, wearing this black cape,

black hat, black lipstick. Oh wow. But just, he knows he looks ridiculous, but it's not, he's kind of goofing on the whole thing, but you could tell it was a part of his life at one point. Right. And so he was my favorite goth. And is the guy, the Robert, wait, Robert Smith? Yeah. Yeah, is he still goth?

Yeah. Okay. Does he still wear the lipstick? I was very far away. But he's still wearing a kind of flowy black. Yeah. But that's very, that's mostly to cover his shape. Sure.

But that's, that to me would be one of the advantage of being a lifetime goth. Yeah. Is as your body changes, you can just add more cloaks. Yeah. Well, fortunately, my body has always looked like dog shit. No, Kevin, it's the drizzling shit. I wish. No, it's

the drizzling dog shit. But I like the idea of wearing black forever. Yeah. Well, you can. In hell. But there, yeah, I wonder if he feels like he has

to dress like that. Yeah. Well, it's funny because like no matter what era you're from, goth clothes

still kind of look 80s. Yes. There's fingerless gloves and like little hats and like ducky sunglasses. the best part of the apocalypse

is that no one's going to judge me for wearing fingerless gloves. I feel like there's going to be the best part of the apocalypse is that no one's going to judge me for wearing fingerless gloves. I feel like there's going to be a lot of those out there on the murder trail. Because I feel like everybody has a piece of clothing that they would wear if they didn't fear judgment. It was fingerless gloves. No, for me, it would be a fanny pack. Really? Oh, 100%.

So convenient. God damn it. I would love to wear a fanny pack. Really? Oh, 100%. So convenient. God damn it. I would love to wear a fanny pack just because they are, they're very convenient. But when you wear them, people think that you're ill. Wow. Yeah.

But I, I think I told. Can you, they should make smaller fanny packs that you can just put around your thighs. Oh yeah. I guess those are cargo pants. Yeah. I invented them. So, uh,

good. What would your, what would your guys is one clothing item be? Uh, we know you're a fan of the satin jacket. Yeah, but that I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid to wear a satin jacket.

I think I'm afraid to be a guy who wears a lot of rings, but I think I did that in high school and I liked it. But as an adult, I don't feel like I have an in to be a guy who wears like rings on every

finger. I had a job interview once and the guy giving me the interview had thumb rings and I was like, I don't want this job now.

Halfway through, I just started lying about my life. The interview's in a hot tub. He's like, hop in there. Come on, Kevin. Dip your toe.

What's your costume of choice? I have a few pairs of, like, I have clothes that I'm like, I've seen them look good on other guys. Yeah. But they look good in, like, still pictures, like not when they're living an entire life. I've got this kind of strategy when I get dressed in the morning. It's like, would you feel ridiculous wearing this

after you got in a car accident and you had to stand on the side of the road exchanging insurance information in your white jeans? Yeah. But there are some like... I don't know. If you're a t-shirt that says

the man with an arrow pointing at your face the legend arrow pointing down pointing down at your butt um so yeah no i i own most of the clothes that i that you wouldn't wear they're in my closet but i think a lot of like sailing jackets oh Oh, sure. What is that? Is that kind of like a canvas? No, it's just like a blazer with a bit of piping around the sides. Oh, like a fancy man's sailing jacket. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that. There's not a lot of non-fancy guys going sailing.

But I don't want to go sailing. Oh, the stench of those docks. I think it's not even that I don't like boats. I don't. The docks just smell so bad Yeah, docks, and there's also, you know Who knows who's living in what, what boat Yeah, some merman

Squatting Yeah Anyway, the concert was great Since we had a 20 month old with us Were there other babies? There were other babies And there were other children of all ages. Any goth babies?

We didn't see any goth babies. Margo had some pink skellas and pajamas on. That's pretty close to God. But yeah, no one with baby black lipstick. And so I don't know the band that well but they have a really consistent sound right i don't know i'm not sure if i know this song from 1984 or from 2001 oh yeah because they they've uh kept putting out music all these years yeah pretty much i think and then it's sort of confusing the kind of music that they make or or at least their hit songs.

They're all really happy. Right. So it's not like Nine Inch Nails, where we're just like, this feels dark and gross. So what is a Cure hit? Friday I'm In Love is the name. Oh, okay. Oh, did they do Boys Don't Cry? They did Boys Don't Cry.

Oh, okay, yeah. I was crying once, and that came on satellite radio back in the day, and I thought the timing of that was fucking delicious. You're like, oh, boy, I just got told. Oof. Yeah, their most famous songs are like, yeah, super happy and upbeat. Who sings She Sells Sanctuary? That's the cult.

That's the cult. Jeez Louise. No, they do another song altogether. She sells sanctuary. That's the cult. That's the cult. Jeez Louise. No, they do another song all together. Yeah, I thought that I missed out on hearing that song with Baby Baby five times in it. But no, it was a totally different band. Yeah. So don't worry about it. Yeah.

Baby, baby. Baby, baby. Yeah. The cult. Yeah. Baby, baby. Baby, baby. Yeah. The cult. Yeah. Anyways, yeah, it was good. And we left halfway through, I think. We left at like 830.

Yeah. Also, the car was parked 20 minutes away. So I left at 830, called Abby and said, I'll meet you at the entrance in 20 minutes. What a guy, this guy. I know. What a guy. Dad of the year, I say. What a guy, this guy.

Well, I don't know. Hello to this guy. It's a coin toss. What's a better, what's a nicer thing to do? Stay with the child or go take a walk? Take a guy. Dad of the year, I say. What a guy, this guy. Well, I don't know. Hello to this guy. It's a coin toss. What's a better, what's a nicer thing to do? Stay with the child or go take a walk? Take a walk. I'm going to need you to take a walk. And oh yeah, my favorite person, my favorite non-goth there was there was a 14 year old

whose family was there and she was just like over it. Yeah. And so like this thing that had been like a rebellious teenager thing in the eighties, now a rebellious teenager was sitting, lying down, reading a book instead of paying attention to the concert. Pretty good.

Yeah. Pretty good kid. I mean, really? Yeah. What was the book? Did you see the cover of the book? Oh, yeah.

It was the novelization of The Crow. Based on the comic book? It was a comic book, then movie, then a novelization. Based on Push by Sapphire. What's going on with you, Graham? This isn't really a thing, but it ties into uh bands and people going to see bands uh so i was uh chatting with one of my roommates andrew and i was asking if we ever had him on the show well we should nah uh i asked him what he was doing uh one evening and uh he said i'm going to see this uh this band that or not a band an electronic

what is it edm edm edmonton yeah uh they're gonna go see an edm got uh guys a couple of guys okay grandpa uh but it was like a couple of swinging bachelors. Well, I thought if you go see EDM that you would go to a place where everybody is dancing and doing drugs. That was my impression of the type of situation that you go to see a live EDM thing. But it was at the Vogue. Oh, a theater. Yeah. And I said, well, what's the- You can do drugs at the Vogue.

Oh, sure. But you can't get up and dance, really. It's not great. It doesn't conducive theater. Are, sure. But you can't get up and dance, really. It's not great. It doesn't conducive for- Are they taking the seats out of the front? I don't know. It's an old theater, so I wouldn't think so. I would think so.

Okay. Well, you know what? I never followed up on it, so I don't know. But so I said, what's the name of the group? And he said, they were called Moderat. And it's a whatever right like i'm gonna forget this like moderate without an e exactly that and uh like i kept mode rat i well i kept saying motorcat which is a great name for a band um moderate is not a great name for a band

but motorcat is amazing absolutely um i by the way in the time it took you to finish that sentence, I guarantee you that someone has taken at MotorCat or at MotorCat underscore music on Twitter. So I was like, well, I'll forget the name of this band immediately. And then my other roommate came downstairs and asked Andrew what he was doing tonight. And he's like, I'm going to Moderat. And he was like, I'm going to Moderat, too.

And I was like, all of a sudden, Moderat's the fucking hot ticket in your house. And then a new roommate came over to get her key. She was going to go see Moderat. I was literally the only one in the house not going to see moderate they should have had the concert at your house oh yeah yeah i'm sure that's who showed up to the show i mean i've never heard of them before and then i've heard of them well well well i mean i've never heard of them before just that's usually the yardstick of who can play at the vote has graham i've never heard of them before. That's usually the yardstick of who can play at the vote.

I've never heard of them before. It describes everyone with more followers than me on Twitter. So yeah, anyways, they're like some popular band. Band? Not EDM? Yeah, it's EDM, but there's three of them. So they can't all be just making bloops and bleeps. There's gotta be some guy doing something.

Well, there's a conductor. Oh, sure. And then there's gotta be some guy well there's a conductor oh sure and then there's the yeah the guy that presses the air into the machine um so anyways uh so that wasn't really a thing but uh well it was kind of a thing yeah um and then uh uh like keep it going on this music thing. Uh, we talked last week about watching the four hour, uh, Tom Petty documentary. Yeah. Uh, do it, do it, Kevin. It's not going to happen.

Oh, really? I mean, I can't get sick and watch it. That's a good idea. I watched this one last night, uh, called Orion, the man who, oh yeah elvis looking guy it's mind-blowing it is the craziest story yet uh i won't tell you too much about it but it is about a guy that's fine i don't think i care okay i don't think i'll watch it i just don't think i care no yeah but it's about a guy who is a this amazing singer but he just happens to sound exactly like Elvis. So they were like,

you would have been the biggest star in America, except that you sing exactly like the most famous guy in America. Anyways. Yeah, so he did his whole career wearing a mask to fuel speculation that it was Elvis come back from the grave, you see. Anyways.

He must have had a great career because I haven't heard of him until 2016. He's like your version of Moderate. Oh, yeah. I feel like that was a big thing in the 80s and 90s. Like, is Elvis alive or dead yeah and then it just went people were like well probably dead at this point regardless the invention of the camera phone really stopped a lot of that yeah that's like oh i saw elvis at the gas station did you get a pic pics or it didn't happen tins or get the fuck out am i right sun's out guns out

um and uh so the other thing that happened in the past couple weeks You watched a movie and we talked about it for one second Oh yeah, but I don't want to talk about it too much Did he wear jumpsuits? Yeah, he dressed just like Elvis And he looked quite a bit like Elvis He's taller than Elvis was But there was speculation

Is he as tall as Jake the Snake? Presley? That documentary's on Netflix too now than Elvis Wise but there was speculation is he as tall as Jake the Snake Presley yeah that documentary is on Netflix too now the resurrection of Jake the Snake oh I should watch that where he learns

how to do yoga ooh got off drugs with the power of they should just call it Jake the Snake does yoga that's a better

and then he every movie that comes out is him on a hilarious misadventure Jake the Snake joins the fire department Jake the Nemest the fire department. Jake the Nemestake Roberts.

Oh, Jesus. Was Nemestake the name of the band? I can't remember. Motorcat is all I remember. Montessori. I feel like there's maybe a parable or something that's the same as what happened to me. Does it involve a mouse? It involves me murdering my brother.

Cain and Abel. Spoiler. No, there's, there was an an ad on facebook uh calling all uh artists or whatever they were doing some kind of reality shows like cbc reality show and i was like well you know what i'm not doing anything in the month they're shooting it i'm applying and it was not a small application process and also i felt like garbage the whole time like i'm like well i don't really want to do this but here i am doing this i could be taking the opportunity away from someone who really wants to be on a reality show the most noble pursuit there is i know so i already felt like uh what's the kevin banner would say dog shit for uh you felt like a dumpster donkey or you know like a horse that uh got in trouble

and uh you know a horse that's scared has to make a choice yeah yeah yeah what is the gimmick of this reality show the reality show is if you're some sort of artist they get these people together they make them do something that's not the thing that they do okay so as a comedian they would make you go fuck your wife yeah you make me go fuck my wife they would make you any white my wife do like figure skating yeah or whatever it is and so i felt like shit the whole time it was like why am i doing this you know and then i didn't get it so i so i already sold myself down the river and i didn't get it so uh there's got that's a parable right about the the person who decides to fuck and do something they don't want to do and then they don't even get the benefit of the thing that they decided to do? Yeah, I think that's from Ecclesiastes.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's from Moderat, 1524. Oh, boy, yeah. Is that the Bible book about the monster cat? Motor cat! Well, I can't remember your kids and your fan names, so I'm pretty sure it's a monster cat. It's like a broken telephone. Broken microphone.

Yeah, so that's what's been going on. Lots of Netflix and... Chill. And chill, yeah. And I've been doing some chilling on the side, sure. What do you call it if you're just watching Netflix by yourself, but then you masturbate? Do a movie about Jake the Snake Robert. What is that called what do you call it when like a what's like is there like a personal

fridge what well you chill you you know oh you're thinking about a big fridge is where you would chill but then by you're thinking About a big fridge Is where you would chill But then by You know If you had like a Like a mini bar Netflix and mini bar Uh yeah

So uh Do we want to move on To uh Overhertz Okay This week on the show We have a Jumbotron message This is a message for Rory G.

From Mom, Dad, Rohan, Nick, Maddie, Jen, Jason, Abigail, and Ernest. They all split the hundred bucks for this message. Hi, you've reached the Corey hotline. $4.95 a minute. Here are some words that rhyme with cory glory story allegory montessori what me worry finding dory howard flory sorry about the lack of axe throwing happy birthday rory love you love Love you. Love you, Rory. If you are a group of eight people who would like to split a Jumbotron message, head over to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron.

Do you want to move on to overheards? Let's do it. New to Maximum Fun, the Beef and Dairy Network podcast. The number one podcast for those involved or just interested in the production of beef animals and dairy herds. All sponsored by Grazex, the latest grass replacement pellet from Mitchell's. If it's not Mitchell's, get back in the truck. Find us at MaximumFun.org or on iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts from. And if it's not clear, this is a comedy podcast. Beef out. we maybe talk about some dog tech could we have some cool guests on like lynn manuel miranda nicole byer and ann wheaton i mean yeah absolutely i'm in you're on board what do you say we uh we do all of this and put it into a podcast yeah okay you think all right uh should we call it

like i don't know can i pet your dog sure all right uh what do you what do you say we put it on every tuesday on maximum fun or on it. Sounds good to me. Meeting's over. Overheard. Now it's time for Overheard, the segment in which we hear the things out there in the world. Then we report them back here. We like to start with the guest, Kevin Banner, who is taping his first comedy album. July 7th through 9th at the Comedy Mix. Look at that slick plug.

Yeah. Now who's a plug? Exactly. My Overheard actually comes from the elevator at the Comedy Mix. I was taking it from the mix up to the parkade. And on the ground floor, a bunch of like peewee hockey players who are staying at this really nice hotel for a tournament. We didn't get to stay at a nice hotel.

Like it's a nice downtown. Nowhere near a rink. Right? Uh, we were, uh, yeah, it makes no sense. We would, we would get stuck some like a travel lodge in Aldergrove or something. You know what it is? Those are the rich kids that

the scrappy team has to oh sure that calendar fell again jesus christ that one scared us um yeah i'm in the uh the elevator these these boys get on can we take that again? Good God. Made me sound like a creep. So anyway, sorry. These delicious boys. Each one smelled better than the one before. Silken hair? Yeah, they had silken hair. All right.

Ready? silken hair. All right. All righty. So these, this group of fellows get on. We're a rough and tumble fellow. Oh, made out for days. But listen, I,

no, get, get these guys get on these 14 fucking shit on Christ almighty. Nothing happened. Can we leave? Is this all staying in?

Tell us about these boys you shared an elevator with. I'm in an elevator. Some boys. Alright, I'm on an elevator

with a peewee hockey team. There's nothing peewee about. Listen. God, no. All right. I've got to. Is this for me?

Are you a member of any North American association? All right. Me and the guys are on the elevator. What age are these? I would say 13 or 14. Like real friends. So I'm on the elevator with this peewee hockey team. And one of them says, did you guys see those girls making out?

And this other guy goes, no, but I heard about it. That's so exciting. He was so pumped. So it happened that recently that one guy's still excited about it and another guy's still excited to have already heard about it. Where would they have seen them? At the comedy club? No, no, no.

They were too young to be. In the parkade? Yeah. Where do you go see girls, my guy? You go to a parkade. Sure, yeah. Did you do that when you were a teen? Did you go see girls make out? You go to a parkade. Sure, yeah. Did you do that when you were a teen? Did you go on any hockey adventures? I was never on the elite teams that went to other places. Right, you were just in town.

And also, in town, there were tons of teams to play. It's not like we're from far away. Tons of girls making out. And also, like, I think if I found out we had to go on a team trip, I just wouldn't tell my parents. Because they didn't want to go. Yeah. You? No.

A couple times, my brothers went. Their lacrosse team would go. And,, and my parents would make me go as well. And then I'd just be in the hotel with all these kids running up and down the hallway. And you were older. Yeah, I was older, I was over it. But not old enough that my parents would let me stay at home by myself. Right. Or maybe I was just old enough that they were like, no, to my parents would let me stay at home by myself. Right.

Um, or maybe I was just old enough that they were like, no, you're coming with us. Yeah. Um, do you have an overheard Dave? Okay. Um, Kevin, did you ever go to stay in a team team with, you told me you went to one of the things, no? Yeah. No, a bunch, a bunch of times. Not like I didn't, I, I wasn't on an elite team.

You didn't have to be on an elite team to stay at the Nanaimo Days Inn. Ooh. Yeah. Did they have a pool? We stayed at Long Lake Inn once. What is that? It's a hotel next to a long lake. Ooh.

And they had those little paddle boats that you sit at your pedal. Like you get in and pedal. And that was the sport you were there for? We were there. Competitive paddling? Pedal? Boating? And we're out in the middle of the lake and one of my buddies,

he goes, yells from his pedal boat to ours. There's two of us in the boat. He goes, I got your watch, Adam. I got your watch. So we get about 10 feet away and he throws it to him directly into the lake. I do like that gag. I've seen like, people are on like a

ride, some spinning ride of like, you know, 50 feet up in the air and one guy tries to throw his phone to another guy. It's great. It is great. My overheard is from a sandwich board. It's great. It is great. Yeah. My overheard is from a sandwich board. It's an overseen on Broadway and Camby. There's a burger shop. And there's also, not on Broadway and Camby, just in the world in general, there's a Nickelback song called. Burger shop?

Called Something in Your Mouth. Oh. Okay. Something, Something in Your M Okay Something in your mouth Anyway the conceit of it is You look much Well the line from the song is You look much cuter with something in your mouth Which is cool

Cool sentiment You would look much cuter with something in your mouth In brackets the hamburger song Well this hamburger restaurant on their sandwich board just wrote you'd look much cuter with our burger in your mouth so that's some cool marketing let's piggyback on the popularity of this horrible song why why are so much what's the venn diagram between a hamburger place and the kind of creeps that would be into that kind of sentiment? Because I feel like.

Well, I have to bow out at this point if we're going to talk bad about Nickelback because they are now my label mates. Oh. Oh. Is your album coming out? No, it's not about Nickelback, but like I feel. Can we make it about them so that I can just not talk for a few minutes? What's your album coming out on 604

yeah there you go well I think it's actually there's what is it subsidiary is that the word let me google it

hold on would you like me to I can do another overheard if you prefer no it's fine I don't care I'm just kidding the

but I feel like and maybe I'm way wrong in this but I feel like there's some burger places that you go into and you're like, do burger places attract creeps? Well, no, there's, here's, okay. Besides like fast food places. Yes.

Burger places can be throwbacks to the 50s. Yeah, which I think we can all agree we all love. Yeah, sure. I mean, it was a better time, and let's make America great again. Absolutely. That guy is going to clothesline Mexico out of its gravy boots, its guacamole boots. Yeah.

And the other kind is like dirtbag. If Hooters instead of was famous for wings it would be famous yeah yeah um am i burger and brew yeah oh man rock and brews the uh gene simmons and paul stanley oh yeah uh it's a huge uh chain now they've got like 20 of them or something wow uh but the big thing is and i think this is the entire reason that it exists is they will go to every opening so if you're just a kiss that's my promise to women in general that you'll go to every opening oh yeah yeah I'll go there. I won't do anything, but I'll go there.

Will I? Anyway, yeah, the Simmonses? Yeah. Gene Simmons and his husband, Paul Stanley. The Simmonses. What if that was the... I mean, why not? I think America is ready for...

To all get married. That's why they call them Kiss, because they want to kiss. They've always wanted to kiss. Anyways, you can imagine the type of place that a rock and bruise would be. It would be a very high vaulted ceiling. Lots of pictures of maybe Joe Santriani doing a solo. Pictures? Pictures of a solo.

Why the high vaulted ceiling? That's not the first thing I imagined. What did you imagine? Oh, yeah. What's the ceiling? Was there a flying buttress in here? Only the butt on the waitress. Yeah, that's what we call our waitresses here.

Flying buttresses. They're also attached to a harness swinging around wearing those angel wings. We lose a lot of wigs that way. Graham, what's up with you? I mean, overheard. My overheard occurred on the bus between two students. And I know they were students because they were both wearing backpacks. Telltale sign.

Yeah. One of them got off. They were having a conversation, and I didn't hear what they were talking about, but one of them got off, and as they were going out the door, the other one said, okay, call me later. And then the friend panicked, was like, oh, no, my phone's broken. And then the bus took off. Oh, well, I guess I won't call you later.

That's a great excuse. No, I can't. My phone's broken. Oh, hell no. The bus is leaving. Bye. I guess we'll have to hear about that thing later. Our generation doesn't use the phone in that way.

Do you think there will ever be a phone that comes out that doesn't actually do any phone stuff? And it's just... Just bot stuff? You know, just texting and internet stuff? You mean a phone that goes to every opening um uh yeah they're called uh uh ipods no well yeah i guess ipod but can ipods go on the uh just have a wireless wireless info maybe i'm just saying it doesn't seem like it's far away than a phone, but although a phone that won't be a phone.

Yeah, but I do see a lot of, a lot of tweens on the bus talk on the phone. So loud. So loud. So they, they haven't lost tweens and teens have not lost their affinity for talking at length.

Uh, noisily. Yeah. On some of my dog shit friends too. Is that not the worst thing? I went out with, length, uh, noisily. Yeah. On some of my dog shit friends too. Is that not the worst thing? I went out with, uh, uh, Kyle Bottom and Ivan Decker for lunch. Boo. Oh, I know dog shit, right?

But they, they're loud talkers at times. And I hate people at other tables knowing what we're talking about. Cause it's so trivial and inconsequential to what's happening. Yeah. I hate people to know what I'm talking about. Oh, podcast listeners. But it's different.

Like I, I love, uh, to perform standup comedy, but the second that show's done, I don't want to make eye contact with any of those rubes. That's why you put on that hood. Yeah.

Yeah. And you say, I'm the, well, I'm also in a clan oh requires i was gonna say you were the zodiac killer but i wish i wish um is that the guy who killed the zodiac uh and now we don't have astrology anymore yeah yeah yeah it was it was at its peak and uh And then that was the mystery of the 70s. And then it was video.

Allegedly killed the video star. Video killed the video star? It was suicide. Suicide. It was a murder suicide. Now we also have overheard. Sent to us from people around the world. If you want to send one in to us, send it in to SPY at MaximumFun.org.

This first one comes from Sebastian M. in Austin, Texas. Today, while walking out to my car, I saw two guys walking towards a building together. One guy stops walking, looks his friends in the eyes, and says, Don't fist bump me anymore, Todd. Oh. Yeah. Whoa. Oh. Yeah. Whoa. Yeah.

Shade thrown. What do you think? Do you think handshakes from now on or just you lost the privilege? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Maybe your fist bumping privilege is because of your bloody knuckles. You bump too hard, Todd. Do you ever do that in high school? Knuckles? Oh, yeah, Todd. Do you ever do that in high school? Knuckles?

Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah. For sure. We used to do a shot for shot where you would punch a guy in the arm and then he would punch you in the arm and then you would continue to go one for one until someone said, no mas. Yeah. I did that with people, but they didn't tell me that we were doing that. People just punched me in the arm and I would say, no mas. No mas.

And that was a great over, because it featured two of my least favorite male names. Sebastian? Sebastian and Todd. Wait a minute. I thought you were a Crab fan. Todd the Crab. Sorry, Sebastian. I'm sure he's a nice guy.

It's not his fault. It must be tough living in Texas With a name Sebastian Unless he goes by Boz Boz Or Seb Sebastian Skaggs This next one I apologize Sebastian

You keep fighting the good fight I like the name Sebastian From Crab on Down. From Crab to Bell. Yeah. I love them all. This is, next one comes from Krista from Windsor and longtime friend of Aunt Sheila from our London days.

Oh. So this is a friend of a friend. Okay. Okay. Okay. So this is a discussion about the Powerball lottery. And a couple people talking about what we would do with the money if we won. And my six-year-old exclaims, if I won the Powerball, I'd buy another penis and put it next to the other one.

That way I'd have one for each hand since I love to play with it so much. Is he talking about just like a jar of penis that he bought earlier? I think this kid's the most brilliant kid that's ever lived. I've never thought of that, of if I had a billion dollars, what I would do. Oh, I thought you never thought about having two dogs. Oh, no, I think about that every day. I wake up in the morning hoping that the dream has come true. But you never knew money could buy it.

I'd want five dogs, and then they'd say, how do your pants fit? And I'd say, like a glove. Oh, no. Well, why not the two for your Mexican friend? What did he call them again? Oh, Jose and Jose. No, no, no, no, no, no. They're terrible pants. They're fingerless.

Fingerless penis gloves. Yeah. You're like, nobody can make fun of me for these. Well, some are fingerless. Some have been circumcised. This last one comes from Cat S. In Michigan. Cat Chow.

What was yours? Shit. Oh, you're just obsessed with animals. Dung. Leavings. Yeah. I was driving with my mom when we passed a church. Leavings Las Vegas over here.

That's the theme of my bachelor party. Leavings Las Vegas. Go and start again. I was driving with my mom when we passed a church with a cemetery right next to it. The cemetery was named Crowell Memorial Gardens and Cemetery. And the tagline was cemetery and a little bit more. Oh, cool. Yeah.

Butt stuff. Yeah. line was cemetery and a little bit more oh cool yeah butt stuff yeah cemetery that's not afraid to try things um this isn't an over scene but i just i forgot to mention it earlier but when i was at the cure concert there was a guy with a t-shirt uh-huh uh that had a picture of a lemon on it, and it said, 100% juice, no seeds. And is that a metaphor for a vasectomy? Oh, yeah, maybe that is. But, like, would you advertise that on your shirt? Yeah. Yeah. There's got to be a market for that, right?

Yeah, check me out. I've had a vasectomy, ladies. Oh, like you're talking about something gross? No. We're all talking about something gross. Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah. No, but there's got to be a lady out there that doesn't want kids and is thrilled at this guy.

Yeah. Well, I mean, yeah. But it's weird that lemon is that although isn't there a thing squeeze my lemon until the juice runs and yeah that terrible song lyric you look a lot better with a lemon in your hand is that the cult i can't remember is that the call lady woman you look better with this lemon in your hand squeeze my lemon until you make lemonade or meringue. When life hands you my ball. Why do I keep singing?

There was somebody posted this thing on Twitter, and it was a poster that I remember from when I was a kid. And somebody posted it as like do you remember this weird poster and it was when life gives you lemons make lemonade it was a picture of a guy and lemons were going into his head and his nose was like a faucet making lemonade oh the fuck did that mean jesus that's weird right yeah why was that the image that got through? My brother owns a poster company. He's trying to help me out. My other brother does acid.

So I connected the two. Now, in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. Dave's doing this like a DJ, scratching a record. Yeah, I'm miming a DJ. Yeah. I'm in moderate. If you want to call us, our phone number is

still pretty new. Yeah. 1-844-SPY-POD1 1 Ugh. SpyPod 1 Like these people here. Hey, Dave and Graham.

This is Jeff from Orange County, California with an overheard. I overheard some people apparently talking about movies and I heard one man say, wait, so you're telling me this movie has Cheech, Marin, and Chong? Thanks, bye. It's a Cheech, it's a Marin and Chong movie? Yeah, it's a Marinech and it's a it's a Marin and Chong movie yeah it's a Marin and

Tommy joint um the uh uh I used to love those movies I've never seen one I uh

watched them all the time as a kid and I listened to their records and this was long before I ever knew what pot was

or how it affected and I thought they were the funniest guys on God's green earth and that was that before but before I knew anything like that the whole joke was that they were high yeah two kids it's they they were very funny because they were just like two really dumb guys yeah and they're always smoking but I thought they were just smoking cigarette yeah I

wonder like I think there's movies from childhood that I really liked and then really dumb guys. Yeah. And they were always smoking, but I thought they were just smoking cigarettes. Yeah, I wonder, like, I think there's movies from childhood that I really liked and then if I went back, I would get a lot more jokes. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm trying to think. Alf was something that there was a lot of jokes that went over my head as a young man. Well, it was pretty sophisticated. Yeah, but wouldn't he say something, you'd be like,

gee, Gordon Liddy, and you'd be like, hmm, file that away for later Yeah I'm gonna wait till the internet's invented And then I'll look it up Murphy Brown was like that God damn

That was the worst sitcom as a kid If you were Stuck on Parents Night TV And they're watching Murphy Brown That's true Talk about My mom John Sununu

Murphy Brown and yeah John Sununu And the other Paul Simon The congressman Look there's that poster Oh wow Isn't that weird Yeah Brown and yeah. And the other Paul Simon, the congressman. Look, there's that poster. Oh, wow. Isn't that weird?

Yeah. But it's like his nose is like a gonzo nose. That is weird. And there's lemonade coming out of it. My sister had that shitty, shitty poster of like, this is your brain on drugs. But it was a bunch of different frying pans on the poster. And it was like Saddam hussein's brain on drugs and it was like the yolk looked like a target um yeah what drugs is he on mary and barry's brain on drugs and it was just a lie uh like an egg that had been cut into lines

was this a poster that was only sold in 1990 yeah Yeah, roughly around there. Yeah, I had a friend who had a t-shirt that I remember he got in trouble at school for wearing because it was a bunch of cartoon skeletons having sex in different positions. And he was told halfway through the day that he had to take it off. Yeah. Hey, you 14-year-old firm little boy, take off your shirt. I mean, he had to wear his gym strip the rest of the day why wouldn't they just make him turn it inside out because i remember there was a kid that had a shirt that said like sick my duck or something like that he had to turn it inside out

i'm laughing because a kid would make that so it's like the shirt that i bought at the gross sale that was from humpty's diner and it had two fried eggs where the nipples should be and it said i got laid at humpty's diner my dad was so mad when i bought it why did you have money this is only quarter it was at a garage sale Why did you buy it? Well it was two days ago I'm a grown up Here's your next over heard Oh boy Hey Dave and Graham and guests

This is Dave from Ohio I was in line at a gas station And the attendant who was checking me out A manager came up and said Hey who cleaned the bathroom last? And the cashier said, oh, I did. And the manager said, well, what's up with the sink? The guy said, oh, I scrubbed it and scrubbed it.

That's as good as it's going to get. I scrubbed it as much as I could. All right, well, what's up with that wall? And the cashier says, what wall? The manager says, the booger wall. And I had to keep a straight face. Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this booger wall. Wow.

That sounds really awful. Like, hey, why didn't you wash this horrible room well enough? Well, because it sucked and I like myself. Yeah, at any retail job, the bathroom cleaning. If it's a public bathroom, that's the. Yeah. Oof. For new people only.

It's the drizzling shit. It is the drizzling shit. But that was Booger Pink Floyd's best album. I also like the Booger side of the moon. Donald Trump's going to build that Booger wall. He's going to make the Mexicans pay for it. He's going to make Mexican noses everywhere pay for it.

All in all, you're just another Booger in the wall. Here's your final overheard of 2016. This is Larissa from Omaha, and this is what I heard at my Costco on Sunday. Ma'am, every soldier

is a general here at Costco. Here at Costco. Here at Costco. Every soldier is a general, so not a lot of stuff gets done. A lot of people blasting each other around. We need some colonels.

I think if a military person was a customer, they're treated like a general. I get it. That's what I would assume is Costco policy. But also you have to have an American express because we don't take any other kind of card that's right is that this still the thing no well at one point it was master card and then they switched and everyone had to switch okay it's never been visa you know i was on uh i was buying a plane ticket and uh one of the options that you could pick for the card to pay for the ticket was diners club oh which i like honestly

have not seen that like probably since i don't know i went to swish la when i was a kid diners club was on the door you still have it you see it on doors but you never you don't see it in any wallets you never see it advertised on tv although i would kind of like to be the guy that everybody knows is the guy that only has a diners club card card i can't do it like yeah go with your friends and always be like sorry guys we didn't we didn't dine at one of the uh thousand restaurants yeah we've got a thousand restaurants nationwide um yeah uh so that's it you guys said everybody, we've had some laughs. We've had some fun. Yeah. But now it seems our time's done.

Time for the end of the show. And Kevin's got some plugs. And Graham's here. And he's very nice. And I like him so much. Kevin. Yeah. You are taping your first ever album.

That's correct. Um, Kevin. Yeah. You are taping your first ever album. That's correct. Uh, I am taping my first album, Dreamboat, at the Comedy Mix July 7th through 9th. How do you know it's going to be called that? I get to name it. Well, you don't know what jokes you're going to do yet.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. I'm going to do every one that I've written. Uh, hopefully. Uh, no, it's Dreamboat July 7th through 9th at the Comedy Mix. It would be great To have some bumpers come out Yeah

Because they're good people I've met a lot of good people Well I haven't met them I've been introduced to them online Yes A lot of your great fans You guys have some great fans

And then every once in a while You get a creep Who says something really awkward About Aunt Sheila But hey Whoa Do they not? Am I making that up?

Not about her There's the occasional creep in general yeah well somebody posted some really creepy fucking maulk hogan vagina picture the other day oh i uh like what read the tone of the of the spy guy i mean um who can say yeah anyway we have a facebook group everyone can join and apparently there's some weird stuff on that some weirdos saying some weird things but but we we stopped policing it just because people were getting mad at us for censoring them yeah they said we don't need your education uh anyway don't be a creep if you go to that facebook yeah i mean and you know what but be a creep if you go to that facebook yeah i mean and you know what but be a creep in real life if that's your thing yeah but just don't do it to other people yeah be your

best self be your best creep like if you're gonna be a creep be the best creep be the best creep around but don't do it to other people yeah just be a creep you know what i mean no yeah i was trying to i was going along with it but i'm like i don't really kind of don't know halfway through i was like i hope these guys say that what i mean creepy to yourself you look in the mirror and you like touch your own reflection yeah yeah see getting it like look don't let other people define how you are a creep to yourself that's right like you know the scene in Silence of the Lambs when he's dancing with his wiener tucked between his legs? Yeah.

That's fine. But no, he's a creep. He's a murder creep. The rest of the things that he did were not fine. But that scene was fine. If you want to do that. I haven't done that in a long time. You know what?

Give it a whirl. So tuck it back. Have somebody help you put a couch in your van. Yeah. I mean, these are all. What else did he do? Well, that was creepy. Yeah.

But what if you needed to move a couch and you had a van? I don't like wherever this is going. Thank you so much for being our guest. Thank you, guys. And this comes out as the 20th? 20th of Jaloon. Jaloon. Jaloon.

I love it. I think that's a slur against Italians. No, no, no. It's a beautiful girl's name. Get a load of this, Jaloon. It's definitely. Oh, hey. A couple Jaloons over here. It's like a Hey Oh A couple of

Jaloons over here Hey It's like a term Of endearment That mafia guys use Um If you like the podcast Uh

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And you know You may or may not know That Dave and I Have another podcast That we're doing Called Our Debut Album Which you can also get on iTunes We're two apps in Yeah and a new episode will be coming in a short week

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