Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 435 - Chris Locke

Episode Date: July 18, 2016

Comedian Chris Locke returns to talk dad anxiety, new nausea, and trading cards.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 435 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's keeping his eye on the Euro Cup, Mr. Dave Schumacher. I think it'll probably be over by the time this episode is out. Yeah, but you'll still keep your eye on it. Oh yeah, well just in case it gets stolen. Yeah, somebody's got to keep their eye on it.

I think the World Cup was stolen. Is that the one that looks like a bunch of goblins reaching up over the earth? That's what it is now. But the original one was like this winged goddess of soccer. Of soccer. And I think it was snatched up by maybe Carmen Sandiego. It was the loot, I know for sure. I can't

verify the warrant or the crook. Oh, what was... Oh boy. That show really comes back to me in little drips and drabs. I don't really remember. I remember the map. I remember... You remember Rockapella. I remember the lady said gumshoe.

Uh-huh. But I don't remember. It was a good, like, feminist show. Yeah. The chief. The chief. Like, the woman in charge on the good side and the person in charge on the bad side, both women. Sometimes that actress who would play the chief shows up on, like, Law and Order or kind of a drama.

And she calls Richard Belzer gumshoots. It's in her contract. And our guest today, returning guest to the podcast, very funny comedian. If you are anywhere around Montreal, he will be playing this year at the Just for Laughs Festival. Mr. Chris Locke is our guest. Hi, thanks for having me. I love everything. Well, I mean, this is a great way to start.

Yeah. Case closed. Next. Thanks for coming on the podcast. My pleasure. It's really, you guys are the best. No, you're the best. Let's get to know us.

Get to know us. I just riff compliments. You see that? Yeah. I was going to say. You didn't have those planned. No. You're just like,

Chris Best. Yeah. I have a prepared speech of compliment. Oh, do you? Oh, I can't. I can't find it. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

Uh-oh. Now I got a riff. Chris, you're very much a person for me. Yeah, right. So since you were last here, you are now a proud father. Yeah. Yeah.

I have a tiny little baby. And is it? This baby is done. You got to see. You gotta see. It's ridiculous. Is this something that you thought you would be at any point? Did you plan on being, like, was being a dad in the ultimate plan? Or did things change over time?

Oh, man. I just go with the flow. I live in the moment. Oh, yeah. You were riffing, and nine months later. Yeah, I was riffing uh with my wife one summer evening after some wine and uh yeah it was yeah i don't know like maybe i'd think about it but really i i hate never have any foresight i'm bad at planning for the future so

um it was very nice that my wife and I obviously when we got together we were just madly in love and thought we would have a magical life anyways this is fascinating so then it just we just went all in all the ways you can I guess yeah you went you bet it all on

red it's true she's a redhead Kathleen Phillips. Check her on Mr. D. Yeah, that's right. Splits her time between Toronto and Halifax.

Do you go to Halifax a lot? I go to Halifax on Monday now to be with her and my baby while she acts. Awesome! Yeah.

Because I always wondered like... There's a few episodes from last season and the season before, too, where I actually play her husband on Mr. D. Nice. That was pretty fun. How many flights has the baby taken? This will be the first one on Monday.

Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm scared. No, it's great. Is it? Yeah, we've taken a few. How old is... My baby is now almost two. So 21 months.

Yeah, last time I was here, it was almost go time. Yeah. Yeah. That's what the doctors call it. Countdown to go time. If I was a doctor, it would be go time all the time. If you were a doctor, would you come in with a catcher's mitt and be like, no, I'm just kidding.

I'm not going to use this. I'd probably come in with a sandwich and be like, where can I put this? It's go time. Sorry, I got mayonnaise on my fingers. Yeah, I had the beef dip. It's okay. I put it on these gloves before I ate it. So you won't get any baby on my hands.

But when you were flying with your baby it was like i love this no okay but well when they're that young it's like what can you do like we and it's just a pretty short flight right three or four hours three hours maybe oh toronto and alfax is two yeah that's it'll be okay that's breezy and plus people are used to it like you you people used to complain about babies on flights now it's just you know if you if you don't like it get your own goddamn plane yeah yeah you know what's weird though is like the baby crying you're like oh come on keep it down or whatever it bugs you a bit but the weird thing is as maybe even as a man like your own baby crying the biological impulse that it creates in your bloodstream is insane it's literally heightened by 3 000 like yeah yeah remember

that like discovering that wait what does this mean tell them for the layman what are you talking about i don't even know i'm sub layman i don't know how to explain it like no it's like yeah your specific baby its screams are designed to basically raise your blood pressure so you jump into action so for the first month of my baby being born i was it's a magical moment everything's lovely but when it's crying sometimes you're like i'm going insane that's very true and you're like that balcony is so high i love it. Everyone's going to see me all hurt and broken. Like you lose your mind. Oh, wow.

Was it difficult at the beginning? Only like learning about that, but really, no, it's been very easy and lovely. The difficulty was the baby loved my wife. Just like worshipped her, wanted her all the time had no time for me no that's huge you're like can i hold you and then it just starts screaming and then once the boob comes it takes the boob in its mouth but then looks back sideways at you like yeah you piece of shit more like this yeah like you ain't got no boobs man and you're like i do but if you suckle on my breast my chest is so hairy it would just look like you know what would it look like i can't say

i cannot say um just like yeah okay so like hair is coming out of my baby's mouth yeah because when does that when does that change where you where you start communicating with your kid and be like i also am here it's doesn't happen like it's not a light switch no just eventually grows yeah as far as i know mine's still three months yeah and it basically is just like mom like mom needs some time alone yeah yeah that's why i'm basically around before even two months we i started trying to do the bottle so i could give her a break and that was really emotional when you can actually do everything with your baby now that was nice well you still need the milk but like yeah you can't just i just went up to my wife like excuse me lady can you fill this um yeah that that makes you feel good and that's gonna be a fun thing to be able to go to set with the with the mom and the baby yeah but i don't

think i'm on mr d this year so the artsy guy in me is like damn it Now I'm hanging around this cool fun show No but that to me is That's the best It's all the hanging out and none of the Like memorizing a line It's all the craft services I'm gonna eat all the gummy bears

Yeah it's all the catering It's all the sitting around and like Maybe there's a trailer Possibly you could have a nap with your kid See this sounds great It's all the catering. It's all the sitting around and like, maybe there's a trailer? Possibly you could have a nap with your kid. Oh yeah, there's a trailer. See, this sounds great. It's Halifax, man. There's everything.

Trailers, gummy bears. Lots of dirt. That's the problem with going on set is there's always candy. Yeah. There's always candy just out in the open. Yeah, I get candy blasted on set. More so than ever. M&M's, gummy worms.

Yeah, sure. I'm glad you caught that. I didn't riff that. I didn't know I was going to say that. If you said the wrong gummy thing, we would have got lettered. Gummy misogynists. No. What?

No, Chris. They're so delicious this guy riffs all the noises um so no i'm glad they're gummy worms to be honest yeah yeah no but we all are. Any sour keys? Any sour stuff? Yeah, sour keys. Sure. Those are the thing, right? Yeah, absolutely.

Sour keys, Coke bottles. Sour locks. There's no such thing. Yes, there is. Sour doors. Sour doorknobs. I thought you meant like salmon. Like sour smoked salmon.

Do not eat sour locks in Montreal. Maybe on sour bagels. Do they make sourdough bags? Sourdough bags? What is that? I just love the idea of sour keys going into a sour

lock though with a sour handle. It's like all of a sudden it's a sour house and there you go I'm sure at whatever Candy Con they probably have a full little sour door thing when I teach my baby

Hansel and Gretel the whole house is going to be a Sour King house when I teach my baby Hansel and Gretel every kid has to learn sometime

turn your chair around sit backwards on your chair let me give you the 411 on the h and g oh yeah are you uh are you do you read to the child or is that has that started or um kathleen does that but i'm sort of like give me what are you doing she's too young. I think I talk to her. I'll have conversations with her. At least she gets the idea. It's the same thing, I guess, right now.

As long as the comfort of her hearing your voice and I don't know. Right. Yeah. Are you out of your mind with no sleep? Are you in that phase? Yeah. I love sleeping so much and and i never sleep and it's uh it's really brutal yeah someday you'll get back there like i've

hallucinated at a show what what did you hallucinate i looked down i literally looked down at my feet and thought i had three feet for a sec and then they were like please welcome chris lock and i was like well i have to make sure all feet get on the stage, I guess. Because you just roll with everything. Because you're so, that was like the height of it, for sure. When you saw that you had three feet. Yeah, I was like, okay. You're like, I know for a fact.

Yeah. I have two or four feet. I'm tired. I'm tired. Do you hallucinate at all? No, I like, I don't. No, I'm cool. No, but I was thinking of like, because I get up early anyway, so I enjoy it.

And Abby sleeps in, so I enjoy like two or three hours we have alone, me and the baby. But I just remember other dads being like, oh, you have no idea. That's sort of like, you'll be missing sleep all right. Like, no, I know what sleep is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know the effects of missing sleep. No, you have no idea. Yeah.

That's crazy, though, because I've had that. Maybe when I was in film school, I stayed up for maybe two days straight kind of thing, and i was seeing i was definitely seeing things and hearing things that weren't there i remember in college there was uh people had found out that if you commit a crime after not sleeping for 72 hours you can uh plead temporary insanity really oh and then these two guys tried to do it not to commit a crime just to try to stay up. But they also did a shot every hour.

Whoa. That's. Which is like, I guess just to keep yourself entertained. Yeah. Wow. 72 hours. That would ruin your brain. But then like any crime or just like.

Oh. Could you shoplift and be like, I'm crazy. Like, I haven't slept in days. No, no. You can only do murder. Okay. All right. Well, fair enough. Shoplifting, you can only do murder. Okay, all right. Well, fair enough.

Shoplifting, you'll get the full fourth of the law. Is that an expression? You murdered this man. I was so tired. All right, fine. Yeah. Well, go get some rest. Yeah, get some rest and don't worry, the man was a loser.

Am I saying too many controversial things? No. What about this fictional man that we just made up? That, and I felt bad that I said, I'd try sour misogynist. That's also a fictional thing? Yeah. But I'm so scared these days because I said it

as in it's the worst thing I could think of. Yeah, yeah. As ironically. Yeah, I know. But then I'm so scared these days that people are going to kill me for saying something. Fuck yeah don't oh my god that's worse than okay good um so uh i'm so scared are you really yeah 24 7 what has has anything happened where where you said something and it's come back to... No, everyone loves me.

They think I'm such a nice guy, but I'm still scared all the time. It's the dumbest thing. Everyone loves me. Like, well, like my wife does. You know the show, Everybody Loves Chris. Oh, yeah. Well, everyone hates Chris. Oh, yeah, that's right.

Oh, no. Ah, shit. Everyone hates Chris. Oh, wait, no, that's the movie She Hates Me. Do you remember that? I remember the football player, he hate me. Do you remember that? I remember the football player. He hate me. Are you serious?

Yeah. That's his last name. Or is that his full name? It was like it was in the XFL, which was the football league that the WWE started. Yeah. And on the back of his jersey, it just said he hate me. And so he just chose to put it on. Yeah.

It was wrestle times. Yeah. So he just chose to put it on. Yeah, it was wrestle times. Yeah, I don't understand why the XFL didn't catch. Because it seems like it had everything that the people who are obsessed with football would love. It seems like it's... What were the different rules? Well, more than anything, it had crazy camera shots that the NFL... Because the NFL still had very standard kind of, and XFL had these like swooping crane shots,

cameras suspended on wires, helmet cams. The NFL is all. And they would have all the, uh, players had, uh, microphones.

So they could like tune into players like swearing. Look out. He hates me. Wait, are you saying he hates you or are you saying my name? I don't hate you. He hate me. That's he hate me. I love everyone, but he hate me. No, I don't know if everyone loves me, but I think everyone, it seems like everyone

thinks I'm nice. Yeah. I'd say people love you. But I have a hardcore, I don't know what, ingrained paranoia. But are there... People think I should go to therapy all the time and I don't. And I try to be zen and I can't. So...

Wait. I try to be zen and I can't. It's just everything's zen? I don't think so what people say that you should go talk to somebody because you are paranoid

yeah yeah but I don't think I'm like a paranoid schizophrenic it's not that to the maximum no but like you're like

you're worried but I'm nervous all the time I've talked to you before yeah absolutely but you're nervous about

you're not I like being honest about this right now but you're not nervous about things that are like you're nervous about you're not I like being honest about this right now but you're not nervous about things that are like you're not like oh do you think that it's bad that I left my baby in a hot car it's not that kind of thing it's like a werewolf

or you're like is it bad that I said sour misogynist instead of yeah because I don't want to offend anyone so you're worried about good don't want to offend anyone yeah you're worried about good things you're not worried about but I'm also like worried about

my life like I think a giant will grab me one day and put me in his mouth you think a giant will grab you and put you in his mouth I like how

you how condescending you think a giant will grab you this is what if you went if you went and talked to somebody

this is how it would go therapists are just i took a psychology course in university so um you open up to me i took a psychology course too yeah and when you dalhousie halifax oh wow yeah that's one of the That's one of the big ones Yeah I was lucky I got to go for one year What did you What were you there for?

Were you studying? What are you in for? Weed and beer It was literally like Yeah I went because My parents wanted me to go And

I was a ding dong of a kid Okay And I didn't go to school a lot I was Free spirit yeah that's why when i talk i sound dumb you don't sound but uh but this is we did this podcast in the afternoon i'd have way more confidence it's because i just woke up no no, no, I'm just joking. It's 1245. Yeah, but I just partied.

And like, it was really great. And then I dropped out. This isn't where you met your wife? No, not at all. Okay. I met Kathleen doing comedy in Toronto. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

She's really, Kathleen Phillips, amazing actor, writer, comedian. Go check her out. Yeah. She was great on the show that only lasted for a season, unfortunately. That was great. That was fun, too.

Yeah. Going to Winnipeg and stuff. That was fun. You've gotten to travel around. The Winnipeg comedy scene is amazing. Really good. Oh, you can promote that, too. I'm doing Odd Block in August.

Nice. Oh, I'm doing that, as well. I'll see you there. Are you serious? Yeah. Okay, wicked. Yeah. That's going to be fun. I'll bring youblock in August. Nice. I'm doing that as well. I'll see you there. Are you serious? Yeah. Okay, wicked. Yeah. That's going to be fun.

I'll bring you some gummy keys. Yeah, thanks. I'll bring you some gummy houses. You will not. I'll just be back at home, gummy-hating women. Yay, I'm free. You broke the spell.

I'm free. You're worse. Oh, look, there's a giant behind you. You broke the spell. I'm free. You're worse. Oh, look, there's a giant behind you. No one taught you about Hansel and Gretel.

Let me teach you a real fable, child. So what in the story of Jack and the Beanstalk? Yeah, they're both losers. That's the moral. Jack and the Beanstalk. He's the giant both losers. That's the moral. Who? Jack and the beanstalk. He's a giant? He's a giant, actually. Yeah, well, what's the moral? Is that as long as you...

Okay, let's break it down. Do we know the story? Don't believe in magic beans. No, but you, yes, believe in magic beans. Okay, so let's start at the beginning. Jack, his family is destitute. They send him with the cow to sell the cow. Oh, yeah.

I forgot about that part. That's right. Instead of selling it for food, he sells it for these magic beans. And then? Everyone's like, Jack, you idiot. Yeah. So he plants them. But they should be mad at themselves for leaving that.

They should have known he was an idiot. Then he goes up into the clouds and finds a gold trophy. No. No. No. Yeah. Oh, right. A gold ball. Isn't it a...

It's a goose that lays golden eggs. Oh, wicked. Yeah. Which is like never-ending gold. Oh, awesome. You can make that into so many different trophies. Anyway, gold omelet. Okay.

But the giant... But then the giant goes,, fee-fi-fo-fum. What the hell, man? What the hell, man? What's up, dude? Jack! And then he tries to eat Jack. He tries to kill him. He's an intruder.

He's an Englishman. Yeah, he says, I'll grind your bones to make my bread. What would you do, honestly, if you saw a little man in your house? I'd call an exterminator. Yeah, that's fair. I'd jump up on a chair. I'd say, eek, a mouse man. You're right.

This fairy tale is unreasonable. Yeah, is he the only giant that lives in the sky, or do all giants live in the sky? How has no one seen him before? Like, from the ground, if he's so fucking big. Yeah, that he the only giant that lives in the sky or do all giants live in the sky? How has no one seen him before? Like from the ground if he's so fucking big. Yeah, that's true. Clouds are thick. Not always. Yeah, what about a sunny day?

Like where does the giant move with the weather? Yeah. Do you think the people that wrote these fables way back in the day were super dumb or super fun? Or super full of cum. Were they super young? Okay, I get it now. We can say things. I think they were, I think, I don't know, because because that was probably whoever first came up with it

it was like centuries ago so yeah so probably they still that is one of Jack and the Beanstalk

is one of Plato's dialogues no yes what yeah I don't know if I want to believe this guy went to

university every year I don't know enough about Plato's dialogues but but I know this isn't what no the whole I don't know if I want to believe this guy went to university for a year I don't know enough about Plato's Dialogues but I know this isn't what it is no the whole you want to know the moral yeah what's the moral

when Jack comes down and cuts the beanstalk in half and then the giant smashes his face onto that huge rock and then his bus open and his brains go everywhere and his eyes roll down the street.

And probably roll over some houses. Then Jack goes to his sheltered mom, see, this is reality. The world is insane, mom. So the moral is, stop living your sheltered life, mom. Here's a fucking golden egg, i'm gonna go move to the city

yeah you can stay in your house we are milk your cows but i'm gonna kill giants and buy a boat yeah did they ever do uh did did they ever do a sequel Because like the giant probably had friends. Oh, yeah. Unless he was the only giant, in which case Jack's still the bad guy for killing the last of a species of giant. Well, right now, like the. Because he stole that golden goose. I forget what the company is, but one of the big Hollywood companies are like remaking. Probably still residual effect from the success of Lord of the Rings. They're remaking those giant fairy tale movies. Yeah, they did Jack the Giant Killer.

Yeah, what the hell is that? I never saw it. And they all look like so terrible. I'd act in one for sure. Give me a line. What do you want to, who would you play? I would play Jack's friend like, man, I'm sorry I didn't know the giant was so close.

Yeah, I thought because I was looking at him in a car window mirror, he's closer than he appeared. Yeah, everyone in Jack the Giant Killer has weird car mirrors on their shoulders. No explanation. Well, we hired Tim Burton and he just had this idea what happened have uh now because you act is there ever been like is there a role in a movie that you would love to play like do you guys act i've gone on auditions very bad your nature man thing was good but i guess that's just your comic persona yeah yeah yeah uh what was he gonna well like i'm not a real actor.

No, but. I'm a comedian, too. I don't know. Like, I always thought it'd be cool to be a zombie in a zombie movie. I played a zombie. Really? On a kid's show called My Babysitter's a Vampire. Cool.

Yeah. Were you, like, a friendly zombie? No. Really? Yeah. You were trying to eat the kid's brains? Yeah, I ate the kid's brains. And then I looked right at the camera and said, you're all going to fucking die.

And then blood came out of my mouth, and then it said, the end. I think. I never watched the episode. I did a few takes. Yeah. Have fun with it. I riffed.

You never know what you're going to say. So you got to play a zombie. That's cool. That's one of Graham's dreams. Yeah. Yeah. What other dreams of graham have you had yeah yeah i don't know well i don't know um i slept under a tree yeah really yeah how was

that um hard what are we talking about when graham did utopia to me his whole thing was to live in a tree yeah like in one of those balls that are suspended. They're like, I think it's a hotel. And there's suites that are suspended up in the trees. For people who don't know, Utopia to Me is your podcast. Yeah, which you have to do. We should do it right now. Sometimes I forget.

I really, especially with the baby, I don't know how you stay on schedule. I haven't done a podcast in, like, five weeks or something. Dave didn't miss a beat. I think we took out a week off? No. Not even. Yeah. But your podcast is, like, hardcore.

Like, you guys have been doing it forever. Yeah. It's an institution in Canada. Mine is, like, a ding-dong in his pajamas being like, can you come over? And then people are like, no. And then I'm like, I forget. Like it's not the same rigorous schedule. Do you get people who, if you like, hey, when are you going to bring it back?

Like do people? Yeah. Well, I met, I did a show last night. I rushed from the mix to do Ross' show at Little Mountain. Oh, yeah. Really great. Jokes, please. And a few non-comedian people in the audience came up and were talking about the podcast.

That was very nice. Yeah. Yeah. It's fun. Maybe due to yours, guys' promo. You guys are so kind so it's a great concept it's you ask people what their idea of a utopia would be yeah and and thanks and like i've had such huge guests on it and such great episodes that sometimes i it's hard for me to continue

because i'm like how do i top that like that was so yeah like so, like Scott Thompson is the last guest I had. And you've had Brent Butt. And you've had Nathan Fielder. Nathan was more like, we were just, I wanted to, like we were just catching up. Yeah. Because we're friends.

And then, so I kind of like, some Utopian stuff was in it. And it was really fun. But it was an hour and a half of just chatting. You guys go, you have a long kind of relationship yeah we go way back but then so that's why i kind of like half utopia on that one half like let's just hang because

i really wanted like for new fans of his which there's like a million of them right now obviously uh if they find that to be like whoa and like see this whole other angle of nathan you know because he's so is that is that like uh a crazy thing to witness that like this guy who is who is like just your bud is now like it's uh mr hollywood yeah mr everybody knows who he is all of a sudden like that must be kind of a strange it must be strange for him but is it yeah well stranger is it just like as far as i know he's still totally the same guy yeah of course Who knows what he's hiding now? They all go crazy in Hollywood. But yeah, he's still the same guy.

Super funny, obviously. But most of it is like me and my other comedy friends like Aaron Eves and Tim Gilbert. Oh, really funny. We all came up. We all used to work together all the time. And so basically, we're just really proud of him. Right. yeah and it shows amazing so and it's totally nathan like he's 100 doing exactly who he is and what he wants to be so it's like really freaking cool yeah

inspiring yeah and his show is uh it's hilarious yeah like it's one of the few things on tv that's like it's actually really yeah as funny as people say it is yeah you yeah you it makes you for real laugh yeah yeah which is weird because like a lot of tv kind of doesn't right like yeah you kind of do this chuckle like i acknowledge that as being comedy yeah but he makes you go like yeah yeah which i love yeah it's weird, right? Because I feel like I used to think TV was really funny. But I don't know that I've seen a show. We were talking a couple weeks ago about the Cosby show and how it was the funniest show in the 80s. Only Bill Cosby got to make jokes.

Yeah, he was the only funny one on the show. Except for Rudy's fat kid friend. We should have known he was psycho a long time ago but even rudy's fat friend was him like bad like like exploiting his fatness on his knee yeah that's right that was oh yeah i remember watching the scene later and being like you mean man it was funny though peter peter yeah. You remember his name? Yes. Wow. Do you remember?

This is always so fun. What the name of the designer that Theo wanted a sweater from. And then his sister made him a sweater and one sleeve was too short. Was it a sweater or a shirt? It was a shirt. A silk shirt. Yes. Everyone wore silk clothes on that show.

Do you remember the name of the designer? I don't know why. I would just be taking a guess. I only know it because graham mentions it every three episodes so it's 80s yeah but it's not a real guy it was like a guy they made up oh then no way there's no way gordon guttrell i need a gordon guttrell but that was maybe one of the first episodes yeah but i don't know why that episode and the episode where which this was one of the things that was big in the 80s and maybe in the 90s was teaching a friend or family member. Family matters. Family star.

I'm going to teach my child family matters and Hansel and Gretel. So family matters started out being a show about a family and ended up being a show about a time traveling nerd and his friend. His cool friend. But like a whole group of people, Saved by the Bell did this a lot, where we'd teach him a lesson by all doing something. Oh, yeah. So there was an episode where- So he did that to Zach all the time. Oh, boy.

And you know what? Never learned a lesson. Never learned a lesson. By the fact that I was brainwashing everyone into thinking I was a blonde Tom Cruise. But there was an episode where Theo didn't want to get a job or something. So then Bill Cosby like sets up the house like it's a hotel. And the mom is playing like. Yeah. Yeah. Do you know what I'm talking about? That's the one I remember the most. That it's a hotel and the mom is playing like, yeah.

Yeah. Do you know what I'm talking about? That's the one I remember the most. That's the one I remember. When they're like, hi, our house is now the real world, Theo.

Yeah. He's like, damn it. Was that also the first episode? Maybe. He's like, I can, I can live on bologna and cereal.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And Rudy is, she's dressed up like a, like a lawyer. She comes down With a briefcase I remember that episode

And the one where they Sing the Ray Charles song On the stairs Oh yeah Night and day Baby I remember the one where Did Tio get an earring

And Cliff is trying to like Sit on the bed with him And look And they're doing The same movements Just acting casual Oh man I do remember

More episodes than I thought Oh I also remember The episode where They're all the same movements, just acting casual. Oh, man. I do remember more episodes than I thought. Oh, I also remember the episode where they're all dancing at the beginning. But a different song every season. But then the more popular it got, the more fancy they danced. Like, now we're dancing at a ball. You know? Like, what the hell? That is true.

It's true. The more money they made, more the yeah the intro is like is that still a thing where you're like ooh new intro on a TV show uh yeah I guess like

friends would update theirs every season uh huh they would recut the opening I was gonna say the Simpsons couch gag always changes

but like I almost in my head called the show Starbucks I almost called the Simpsons Starbucks

what the hell's that the Starbucks one changes all the time called the show Starbucks. I almost called the Simpsons Starbucks. What the hell's that, babe? The Starbucks one changes all the time. Your brain's just grabbing as close as it can. Was it Denise that made him the shirt that was too long? Yeah. So, Denise, was Denise the one that did the college show, too? No, that was... You can't believe what's happening or whatever it's called?

I can't believe life is here? Dwayne Wayne's brain drain? Dwayniac? What was it called? A different world? You can't believe this is happening. I like Dwayne Wayne's brain drain. Well, he drained everyone's brain for sure.

He needed so much attention on that show. No, that wasn't Denise. It was the one that Lisa Bonet played? She was Denise. Oh, the other one was Vanessa. Wasn't the older one Sandra? Sandra. Why did they even have Sandra on the show?

In the first episode, they're like, you're too old now. Good news is you booked a pilot and you've been written out of it. In the pilot, she's like, I'm married and I'm leaving. So sandra the one that was married to alvin eldon eldon that's nice and he was lenny's denny's so he uh and he was kind of a nerd like or he was a you a couple episodes ago you described him as a drip yeah he was a drip oh that's huge yeah that's for sure what he was and but you're right why would that character even exist yeah because i remember watching the show and being like okay i'm learning and i was just a kid um in the 80s what the hell and then i was like trying to learn all the characters i'm like this one this one this one but then i remember

when it got to the old one it's like i don't think i should try and care about this one this one but then i remember when it got to the old one it's like i don't think i should try and care about this one that was they were always being like i'm just visiting for a sec dad yeah that was the same on family matters with uh aunt rachel oh because it was a family and a grandmother and then this aunt and her weird well none of them mattered after Urkel showed up. That's true. Family, none of them mattered. Urks. I just wanted to point out... The girl went upstairs, vanished from the show forever. I really wanted to point out a controversial

irony, though, about because Denise got fired from Another World because she made the movie angel heart where she has a nude sex scene and it was bill cosby's decision because it didn't go with his brand right that's insane i don't need to illustrate well the uh you know but he's so yeah well but he's so morally superior to us on tv like what the Like, what the hell? No, to this day, as far as I know, I don't read the...

The drags. I don't read... I just watch soccer at 6 a.m. Yeah, I watch soccer at 6 a.m. And followed by the Cosby Mysteries. Followed by some Jell-O pudding ads.

I saw that movie. It was on Netflix for a while. It scared the crap out of me. Did it? Well, when I was a kid. Oh, I only saw it as an adult. It's probably dumb, right?

It's very dumb. The twist is you're like, nope, you guys did not earn this. Yeah, someone's the devil. Yeah. Robert De Niro. The only other celebrity in the movie. Wait, isn't Mickey Rourke in it? Yeah.

Oh, yeah, I guess he's not. Yeah, you know, he's the good guy. Sort of. Yeah. He could play the devil now. Oh, yeah, exactly. You could throw a rock at his face and he'd not even notice. I wish I had a face like... No, I don't. You wish you had a face like Mickey Rourke?

Careful what you wish for. The devil, Robert De Niro, will grant it. Yeah, Mickey Rourke. You want to hear the sound of a rock hitting Mickey Rourke's face? Yeah. People out there probably thought there was going to be an impression of Mickey Rourke at the end. Oh, no. I was surprised by the sound. He doesn't say anything.

What's his face texture? It's kind of a sheen to it, right? It's kind of like, imagine all of your butt was a callus. Yeah, instead of just the parts that are a callus. Yeah.

I've been, well, yeah. Just the parts of your butt that play guitar? Yeah. It's so hard to make a G chord with my butt, but every day it gets a little easier. Okay, a callus on your finger from playing guitar. That's his whole face.

Yeah, he... Sorry. Sorry. How does his voice go so it's like does your rock what's making Rory's voice I don't know

do it one more time you have to make his face to do his voice you can't I'm closing my eyes so I can't. This year rock. That was pretty good. This year rock. You ever seen a one legged dog?

He's a weird because he had this huge career went away, had a huge comeback now also has gone away again. Yeah well I don't know, man. Well, I mean, I think that's sort of true of every comeback. Like they come back, it's like

I've done it, I've verified on Twitter. I already feel bad describing what his face is kind of like. But he did that very much to himself. Because he went and became a boxer halfway through his film career. Yeah, and he was in a motorcycle accident.

Was he? Yeah. Oh, I thought that was... Are you thinking about Bob Dylan? I might be thinking about lots of people. Yeah. A lot of famous motorcycle people actually. Hey, don't get a motorcycle if you're famous.

Yeah, that's probably a good... Yeah. Who's the famous motorcycle people now? Ewan McGregor. He loves a motorcycle. you're famous yeah that's probably a good yes who is who's the famous motorcycle people now ewan mcgregor he loves a motorcycle boy yeah how do you know because he wrote a book and did a documentary where he rode a motorcycle around the world with his uh uh friend yeah sorry really yeah what's that? No, it's his male friend. And they just have... They're just friends?

Are they seriously just friends? Or do you know something? I accidentally paused once. And now everyone thinks Ewan McGregor is secretly gay. With his... Friend! I saw him once at Pearson Airport. Riding his motorcycle?

Yeah, on the baggage claim. He's like, it never stops. It's perfect for motorbikes. It's a treadmill. No, but I'm taller than him. No way. Yes, and I'm only 5'9". I swear.

I think if you go on IMDB, it says he's taller, but I saw him. A lot of Hollywood handsomes. Tiny little guys. Big heads. Small hands. Warm hearts. Can't leave. Tyrion on Game of Thrones. Peter Dinklage. Not as tall as he looks on TV. Yeah, that's true.

That's true. Tom Cruise. Legendary. Also, Jason Statham. I know that Peter dinklage is a smaller guy but i don't know who tyrian is so that's why yeah you don't watch it no no no you caught up no no is that are you caught up i stopped but i heard the last episode was really good yeah like that's the thing you got there's only like One sort of slow One or two slow episodes Per season

But it's usually insane I stopped like a year And a half ago Even when it was good You guys missed it You can't see But Dave brushed me away With his hand

I'm in control of my life But is that a show I've heard That they change the maps On every episode For the intro Oh there you go. It's like Family Bill Cosby.

But like, why would you not? Family Bill Cosby. But don't you, does anyone sit through that? Isn't that how it goes? Yeah, it's pretty good. That's how Game of Thrones goes. Do it again. Chili's baby background. do it again just all these viking barbarian guys dancing like like they can't whistle like

game of thrones Game of Thrones. Ooh. Yeah, he did magic fingers in his face. Oh, you guys. You have to film this. It's way... There's like three visual things a year. Oh, man. But you can see how guilty my face is.

I just brush you off. Yeah, yeah. That was huge. That would be a gif that got tossed around for sure. There's a gif online right now you guys have to see. It's a robot dog walking around a corner and slipping on a banana peel. Oh, slipping on a banana peel. Oh, my God.

I really love that. That robot dog, we're really, I mean, all those robots. There's a video of the guy knocking down the robot With a hockey stick And it's like we're dead Could we be asking for it anymore I did think that too Create these robots Then just abuse them out of the gates

Just you wait You thought the banana peel was So funny Now I'm going to peel you Just so your face gets ripped off I asked for it was so funny. Yeah, watch me. Now I'm going to peel you. Just so your face gets ripped off. I asked for it. Oh, man.

Yeah, we're dead. Yeah, for sure. But we're all going to die anyway, so. Yeah, but jeez, like, you know, I don't want it to be by, like, a robot ripping out my heart and showing all the other robots, like, look how puny they are. Or just, like, spraying me the other robots like, look how puny they are. Or just like spraying me with fire

like, drink it! Isn't this what you like? Just because it doesn't know yet? Then it makes a gif of you drinking fire. Like just a flaming skull. So much better at making gifs than we are. Stupid human drinks fire.

Look how So much better at making gifts than we are. Stupid human drinks fire. And then the robot drinks fire and like winks at the camera. Yeah, because they can. Give me a break. Oh, man. Dave, what's going on with you? Sex. Oh, tell him. Now that I got your attention. what's going on with you? Sex. Oh, tell him. Now that I got your attention.

What's going on with me? Well, I'm realizing that it's summertime, and are you roller coaster people? Oh, I haven't been on one in a long time, but I do like them. No. Why not? No. I'm too scared. I don't want to die yet a long time, but I do like them. No. Why not? No. I'm too scared. I don't want to die yet.

Oh. Okay. All right. I mean, I believe you. There are accidents. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There are like roller coaster accidents. Some of them aren't even accidents.

Really? I think a lot of them are murder. Government conspiracy? Yeah, yeah. To kill one guy. Yeah. The government wants you to ride roller coasters, man. Yeah. Think about it. That's what they want. They want you to ride roller coasters, man. Yeah.

Think about it. That's what they want. They want you to dangle your legs down on those dangly ones. That was too scary. I don't mind a roller coaster, but it's the spinny things that I get nauseous. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And now the threshold for what makes me nauseous has reached an epic low.

So what's the new threat? Two things. One, going on a swing. Oh yeah? Yeah. Wait, I think, yeah. Margo, there's those kids swings that have like the little harness thing that you. Yeah, kind of look like a diaper kind of thing.

Yeah, they have a front and back rubbery thing and I push her in it. But now she's, she points to the regular swing next to it. She's like, you get in that one. All right. So she wants me to swing at the same time, and then also occasionally after every three or four swings, push her. Yeah.

Like, all right, well, but, you know, don't neglect me. Yeah, also, I want to swing. But I can't, like, just the idea of focusing on both of our swinging is, I cannot, I can't make it. Too much. 30 seconds. So what are you going to do?

It's roller coaster season. I know, man. What are you going to do? You got to train. I just think I might be out for roller coasters. You'll be out for roller coasters until she is the age where she wants to go on a roller coaster, but isn't quite tall enough and you have to go with her. That's when you'll have to. That's not how the roller coaster hype thing works.

You must be this tall unless you have an adult. Yeah. It's not like a PG movie. An adult that holds you tight. But you'll have to go on rides with her. Oh, for sure. Abby's great at them. But the other thing that is making me nauseous now is I got these prescription sunglasses.

Oh. And just the idea that the world inside the sunglasses is so different from the world outside the sunglasses. And my eye can pick up a little bit of both. Oh, yeah. It like makes my stomach flip around. Oh, damn. Yeah. So roller coasters, they're out oh like they must be

yeah if i can't handle that but i don't i don't know that i could handle that i've never had to deal with like this in focus that out of focus this this dark yeah yeah that'd be too much even like wearing shades where i can sort of see the rim well you have the the duane wayne shades the flip-ups that's the thing yeah in fact i wanted one that had like four different uh uh types of shades that i could wear and just flip them up and they go over your head yeah that's old-timey transitions yeah a little bit darker a little bit darker do transitions uh they seem largely like they're always too they're always transitioning at the wrong time. Like, you've come inside and you still look like you're wearing sunglasses.

And then you go outside and you're like, ah, it's so bright. Like, they don't transition. Do you wear glasses? No. Oh, me neither. I don't really know that stuff. No, me neither. But I've never worn transitions.

I just know them to see them. Yeah. And they do always seem to be. Not quite right. Yeah. They seem like they're just too far behind. It's like actually thinking a hypercolor shirt is functional. Yeah.

Well, everyone's going to know how hot I am on different parts of my body. It's totally functional. Yeah. But it's, yeah, the only thing that transitions lenses, they make you think, because when they're

a little bit dark inside, you're like, is that person blind? Yeah. That person got like, you know, something blind, a little bit,

you got a little bit of blind? I saw a guy. So they're like super dark? No, they're just a little, they go a little gray inside. Weird. They never go completely clear and so you're like, doesn't sound like a good invention it sounds like a great invention

yeah it doesn't yeah work great because yeah i saw a guy at a hotel and he was and he just looked like a guy was wearing sunglasses indoors but he didn't look like a blind guy just looked like a guy who was like that's his thing were people mad at him i was yeah yeah pretty quickly take those off when you see somebody wearing sunglasses indoors they're cool they're blind or they're a young thug yeah yeah exactly yeah i'm sorry i cut you off no no you're right though like it's somebody that's making a statement or they're a poker man oh yeah that's true's true. I wouldn't be surprised if you were. Oh my God. I don't really watch professional poker on TV, but everybody's like thing is so corny now.

It's too much. Now. What if there was a guy? When I was a kid, it was all fedora. Yeah, when I was a kid, they would play poker with those clockwork orange things holding your eyes open. You just scream like. That's my tell. Yeah. My car. Everybody was screaming yeah my tell is

i can't perform violence anymore um can i say something about how we're all gonna die yeah yeah listeners uh if you don't want to hear this fast forward i don't know unless you want to keep talking about glasses i'm sorry I just said a thing. Okay. No, because I just, it's true because I really, really love being out here in BC and Vancouver. And my cousin took me to Lighthouse Park. Do you guys know that? Yeah, yeah.

Okay. It's by Dunderave? Danderave. I don't know. I couldn't tell you. I don't know. West Van. Yeah.

Lighthouse Park. Yeah. I don't very, I very rarely venture into the West Van. Oh, okay. It's a very rain, rainforesty hike. But so in there, we were feeling these giant, ancient, like Douglas fir trees. Yeah. And I, and there was a part of me that was like, if this fell and smushed me i that's great that'd be a great way to go right like how you need to kind of go in a natural exciting way like we die for such in such dumb

ways now but getting crushed by a giant tree is actually almost like a noble way to go so that's that's your preferred way being crushed by a treeed by a tree or eaten by a whale. Something natural. But like, eat people. Like lying in a hospital and coughing until you die? Fuck that, man. But I see the whale thing,

because you're like, I'm part of the life cycle. I died so that this whale can live. But with the tree, it's like, I died because the tree died on me. And I didn't run, and i'm stupid yeah yeah and also in the uh newspaper that tree probably is going to get the headline like ancient douglas

fur yeah falls over yeah yeah murder and then into yeah tiny little it was also died temporary insanity super tired doug Douglas Fur yeah falls on idiot won't face charges falls on on Chris Lawrence oh they got his name wrong can you imagine if you went to jail

and there was a bunch of trees in there okay what this is the the fun part the imagination why are the trees are the trees mobile?

Yeah. No, they were just placed in there by strong cops. Because they fell on a human being. Here's the thing. If you don't. There's something about giant ancient trees that you guys have to admit. They seem wiser than us. You have to admit.

Because they're all craggy. What would it sound like if you threw a rock at a tree's face? Yeah, basically. What would the tree say, though? Is this your rock? So the tree, as played by Mickey Rourke. Yeah, Mickey Rourke's yeah Mickey Rourke is the comeback is old tree

those trees kind of look like your butt if it was a callus oh I understand the guitar callus no no not every beat

is the same oh boy but how come every time I say this and I know maybe it's not funny if you guys can't see right you guys obviously can't see right now but i'm exasperated okay but every time i bring this up with people and i know it's not like a go-to joke or it's not funny but i think trees are like they they represent wisdom they're weird something's weird about them they know more than us yeah they've been around everything we go through we disintegrate like dust and we're such dumb ding-dongs but trees are always standing there watching us like all right

but they're missing out on some stuff like they don't know about what goes on inside yeah oh they look in windows didn't you ever watch poltergeist but they don't look in windows. Didn't you ever watch Poltergeist? But they don't look in every window. Yeah, I guess. You're right. They try to. Jeez. And do they communicate with each other?

Yeah, the roots under the ground touch each other and hold hands. It's very nice. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, they are wise. I've thought about it. Yeah, I bet. So do you go, are you a guy that goes camping?

Do you like to be around trees? Yes. I like thought about it. Yeah, I bet. So do you go, are you a guy that goes camping? Do you like to be around trees? Yes, I like going up into the wilderness and getting nude. Really? Just walking around. Like skinny dipping. I only want my wife to see. I don't want anyone else to see. Well, the trees are watching.

And she doesn't want to see. I want you to see this, honey. Look at my bum as I jump off this rock. She's like, I'm making chili. I'm taking care of your child. I'm making chili. I'm making forest chili. I'm making smoked forest chili.

And the trees are just looking at you like, look at these fucking leaves. I'm a city boy. I'm from Toronto and born and raised playground, et cetera. But the thing is, is there's something in me. It's a void that I cannot fill. I want to be a nature man. That's why I really, really loved the video you made a couple years ago. Because, and we've talked about it before.

Like, I want to i i don't like the metropolitan planet i don't like city i don't like yeah concrete eventually i'll move out sometimes i literally think roads and fucking sidewalks are basically on the earth's real face i think of it like that oh really you know i mean, I feel bad that we're not walking on the real ground. On your, on Utopia to me. Have you ever talked about what your Utopia would be? No, not really. Sometimes, like, I like people's ideas or I get ideas, but.

Because you mostly, I've listened to many episodes. Oh. You find out, you always have questions like, what will you want to eat? Like, and also, will there be indian food yeah yeah basically i think like my utopia would be like i'd be totally fine with my nude body uh and i'd be in the middle of the woods uh with my wife and uh she'd be making a roti and she would be making indian roti or i would i mean i like cooking too but there'd just be like lots of Indian recipe foods. Spices.

Yeah. I live in a forest full of cardamom and cumin. The other question that sticks out a lot is you ask people, and what about your body or like people's bodies? Would everyone be like, have like really, you know, tough bodies like Tom Hardy? I don't ask that a lot. Yeah. Tom Hardy's perfect. This is what I'm getting.

You have to admit. Also, the guy's freaking perfect. He was in a movie called Lock. So that must have been like crazy for you. It was like a wink. Yeah. It's like the universe was like,

you're doing all right, buddy. Yeah. He's 5'9". He's the same height as me. Really? If I work hard, I can get that bod. But I don't have that hair. Is that all it is?, buddy. Yeah. He's 5'9". He's the same height as me. Really? So if I work hard, I can get that bod. But I don't have that hair. Is that all it is, is height?

Yeah. Because tall guys rule, man. 5'9's got to fucking work hard. Yeah. 5'9's are under work hard. Yeah, it's true. How tall are you? I think 5'8", 5'9"?

Yeah. Okay. So you know what I'm talking about. Dave's taller. 6'9". Dave's 6'9"? Okay. See, you know what I'm talking about. Dave's taller. 6'9". Dave's 6'9". Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And look at this beautiful house you have. Watch me dunk. Boo! Boo! That's the crazy thing. He's 6'9", can't dunk, but three-pointers. Every time.

Man, Steph Swish. I thought you were Biambo, but you're Steph. Mm-hmm. I'm a little bit, you know, I'm a little bit Biambo. A little bit Steph. Oh, man. I'm the best of both worlds i'm a little bit miley a little bit what's going on with you graham well uh once in a while hijacking this thing okay that was my thing then we get mail sometimes uh-huh from uh listeners uh your bumpers uh if you would like our mailing

address yeah email us and we'll send it to you and uh yeah we've got this we got this uh po box and so we've got uh this is from uh daniel t says i hope daniel tiger from the children's tv show i don't know what that is, but yes. Yes. I hope you enjoy these packs. I'm including one from my own collection of the Growing Pains set to ensure you get at least one quality card, along with some plastic holders. I left those at my house. To keep your favorites pristine. Love the show. Daniel Tiger.

pristine love the show daniel tiger uh so this is a a trading card of uh who is mike seaver from growing pains uh mike seaver yeah it was uh kirk cameron and uh that grew up to be insane yeah he ended up uh doing these crazy movies yeah. But this gentleman has sent us unopened packs of growing pig cards and also something called Rad Dudes trading cards. Oh, wow. And they're all in wax paper packages. And I thought we could open up some. I kind of like the package the most.

Yeah. Well, I think we should keep... I don't know most. Yeah, well, I think we should keep... I don't know if we should open it. I think we should keep... The Rad Dudes ones are amazing. Keep, you know, one in the package for sure. But I think we need to open up one package. Can you do me a favor and show me that smile again?

Don't waste another minute on your crying. We're nowhere near. We're nowhere near We're nowhere near The best is ready to begin Now that we are having fun Do you want some old gum? I think I'm going to have to teach my child about rad dudes. Yeah, well take a pack of rad dudes.

Are you serious? Of course. Oh, my God. Thank you. Do you want some 30-year-old gum? Yes. Oh, my God. It looks like an exacto knife.

Okay, so you've opened a pack. Yeah, who can resist Mike Seaver? And how can anyone help but laugh over the trouble he gets into? Oh, that's the same one that came in the collector card. There's always some fun-filled scheme cooking in that head of his and what is sincerely the devil it's a picture of him wearing some pastel clothes and it says it's my new look miami nice it ages well he looks like an ant like a female ant look at him like a uncle's wife i thought you meant like the bug no no he looks like yeah i wish the people listening could see uh which of the following

is not one of mike seaver's favorite nicknames for his sister carol oh what nerd face skunk breath sweetie and fido i bet it's Sweetie. It's Sweetie. Sweetie. He likes the other ones. Those are his favorites. For sure he likes the other ones. Have you opened any Rad Dudes?

I'm going to open a Rad Dudes. This has a picture of a man. Do you want to do the theme song from Rad Dudes? Rad Dudes. They're so very rad, Rad Dudes. I hope it doesn't get sad. This is a guy, he's like mowing the lawn. He's mad about it.

Yeah. I would be mad too. Is that a sticker? That's a sticker. A Jason Seaver, Alan Thicke sticker. Of him playing electric guitar? Yep. Oh man.

Yeah, that's pretty cool. And on the back, it looks like it's part of a puzzle. Oh yeah. That's got to pretty cool. And on the back, it looks like it's part of a puzzle. Oh, yeah. That's got to be like the whole family sitting around watching. All these puzzle cards were the best. Okay. So here's Rad Dudes. They're different characters.

Oh, I got doubles in one pack. That stinks. So there's Totally Tubular Tiffany. Okay. She's a lady. She's talking on the phone. And theniffany okay she's a lady talking on the phone and then i guess it's got her stats on the back what's her blood type there's bored brandon i'm taking a picture of this jason stevers sticker oh yeah you have our permission wait i'm putting we got mad mo and mike he was from the package Uh huh Slammin' Jammin' James

He's the guy who plays basketball Sure he's tall like me And finally another totally tubular Tiffany What do they smell like? Cardboard And Cannonball Cory I remember when I was a kid I don't know if these were rad dudes

But someone had a card They must have been rad dudes I remember there was one that was totally buff tina oh that's got to be a rad dude rad dude busted ben what does that mean oh it's him getting in trouble oh all right it's not him ejaculating everywhere. These cards, this was a lot of fun. Yeah, thanks, Daniel T. Yeah, that's a real treat.

I love that Jason's here. Where are you going to stick that, Jason Stever? Oh, is it mine? I get to keep it? I don't know. I might put it on my guitar. Oh, that's such a... You got to do that. All right.'s such a... You gotta do that. All right.

It's like the perfect place for it. Do we want to move on to Overheard? Yeah. All right. The three of you enter a cave of a big red dragon and it's standing over a horde of precious golden rubies. And he says, What do you do, adventurers?

I'm a dragon man. I cast fire on him. It's very good. I address the red dragon and say, us, we're the hosts of The Adventure Zone,

a podcast about family playing Dungeons and Dragons. Very good synergy. Commit to the bit. I, I, I roll to charm

new listeners. It is very effective against all odds. Everybody, we're the Macroids. We host The Adventure Zone. It's a podcast where we play Dungeons and Dragons together. it's a comedy podcast we don't take

the rules too seriously because there's a lot of them and we did not take the time to learn them maybe listen to us we come out every other thursday on the maximum fun network you can find us on itunes or on maximum fun.org i think this promo is a critical hit Hi, I'm comedian Emily Heller. And I'm cartoonist Lisa Hanawalt. And we're the hosts of Baby Geniuses. Do you want to learn weird new facts? Do you like hearing successful creative women talk about their poop? Do you want the scoop on Martha Stewart's pony?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, our show is for you. We interview people like Paul F. Tompkins. Kristen Schaal. Michael Che. And more. So check us out on out on maximum fun and let us mess with your brain yes please overheard overheard it's a segment in which which we overhear things out there in the world, and we report them back here on the podcast. Dave just opened up another pack of growing pain.

I'm saving mine for Christmas. Oh, these are by Tops. Oh, what is the sticker in this pack? There's no sticker. I didn't see it. I only opened this one up. Oh, no, there's a Maggie Seaver sticker. There you go.

What was her... Catchphrase? No. Get out of here. Her pseud go. What was her... Catchphrase? Get out of here. Her pseudonym. She was a newswoman. Oh. Like Maggie Malone.

Is that right? Jesus. I don't know. She was a newswoman. And he was like a psychotherapist that had an office in his house. His patients would always be like, I'm afraid a giant's going to pick me up and eat me. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The most typical fear there is. I need to talk to him.

Jason Seaver. Now, we usually like to start with the guest. Yeah. But you kind of, it seems like this got you off guard. So we can start with Dave and come back to you. Okay. Yeah. I know I've heard things.

Yep. It's settled. I'll do. I'll go. Okay. You go. Now a few weeks ago I had an overheard where I just heard a guy yell at another guy who was carrying shopping bags. Hey nice purse. And then a couple weeks went past, and I overheard a guy yelling, hey, nice purse, is that Prada,

to me as I was carrying my child's diaper bag. And it was like a guy. Do you think it was the same guy? No, no, no. This was in a different neighborhood. Guy from his front porch yelling at me hey nice purse is that prada and like my reaction was haha but was he being mean to me i was he being like a friendly joking stranger yelling at people from his yard but it's weird to it's only funny to say nice purse to somebody that you for sure know doesn't carry a purse yeah and maybe i do exactly so it doesn't seem it doesn't seem like it's there's any room there for him to be a nice guy and it's not

prada yeah although i don't know i couldn't tell what a prada thing is aside from it saying prada yeah i think it would be really expensive. Yeah, the one I know is Louis, but isn't that the one that's always got the same brown and gold? Well, they do different. I think there's one called Fenchi. Yeah, there's one called Fenchi? Felchi? Felchi. Yeah, Felchi? Really?

No. Menchies. It's Fendi. Fendi. I got Fendi mixed up with Frenchie. Yeah, Frenchie's the like poutine place or? Sure. Yeah, why not? I would love to.

Our diaper bag, for anyone listening, is a Le Sport Sac. Oh, really? Nice diaper bag. Yeah. What's your diaper bag? My diaper bag, I don't know the brand kathleen bought it online and she was like i splurged on a good diaper bag so i feel like it's good because you're gonna have definitely got it's super good compartments mega compartments it's even got like a change uh a little pad inside

that you unfold is it uh unisex or does it look like a woman's back um it could be unisex okay i think you want right because you're going to be carrying it yeah every single place you go for a couple of years anyway so for years yeah and then years after if you you just adapt it you start putting snacks in there yeah you take the change pad out and just put a laptop in there done put adult diapers in the other pockets put the wrap the change pad around your laptop. Man, people that are addicted to World of Warcraft should bring diaper bags

and like, keep their laptop in it. Just like, stand, sit there and play and shit the whole time. I have this, this neoprene

laptop cover. Oh yeah. Just like, from Mountain Equipment Co-op. I couldn't find it for a while and I just used a padded envelope.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, why not? Same, and I just used a padded envelope. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, why not? Same, I'm sure, same level of protection. Yeah, it's got a little. Yeah, you know what? I don't use a, there's a pocket in my backpack that's good for laptop, but it's still like I don't put anything around the laptop itself.

That's how your wife got pregnant. Uh-oh. Yeah. Unprotected laptop. Graham, do you have an overheard? Not really. Oh, this makes me feel better. Yeah.

But, man, we've recorded three episodes in three days. I feel like I used my juiciest one, and then I went really down to the wire. Oh, but I've had such great topics. Like, hey, isn't it weird outside your prescription sunglasses i like that topic because it made me think of roller coasters yeah um and all the roller coasters i haven't been on there's a lot there's most of them yeah that's that's uh you got a lot of regret oh tons you're gonna join the um uh what is it called isn't it ace is it uh something coaster enthusiast?

American coaster enthusiast? And they like have meetings at different theme parks. And then I assume have sex. Yeah. With one another. Upside down. Why would you join any club that didn't have that as a component? Yeah, that's a classic Groucho Marx line, right?

Yeah. I would never want to be a member of a club that doesn't assume we're all going to have sex. With me. I would never want to be a part of a club that would have my member as a member. That's better. Groucho. Grouchy. Grouchy.

Grouchy the clown. Here, I can name the four Marx Brothers super fast. Grouchy. Yeah. Grouchy the Clown Here I can name The four Marx Brothers Super fast Grouchy Grunch Haunch Hark It's Haunch

And Hawk It's Fenchy Fenchy Grunchy Zippo And Moe And Dogula I love the idea Of a classic comedian Being just called Hawk Hawk And Mo. And Dogula.

I love the idea of a classic comedian being just called Hawk. Hawk. Like a G.I. Joe. Please welcome Hawk. Yeah, I grew up watching Hawk, you know what I mean? Oh, yeah, that's cool. If classic comedians just had tough guy names. Snake eyes. Roadblock.

But coming in here today, nearly saw an accident. I know. I was so jealous. Because there's a, what do you call it, roundabout? Uh-huh. And people don't. People in Vancouver really do not know how to operate any four-way stop or roundabout. Anything that doesn't have lights.

And even with lights, there's still a lot of room for interpretation. But this was a lady really honked really, really loud. And then this guy backed up through the roundabout and got out of his car to like. But he wasn't. Yeah, he wasn't yelling at her he just walked up uh to her window and said like whoever i was uh whoever's on the right gets the right away in the roundabout and i was already through and then she tried to say something back he goes you weren't exactly crawling through the intersection either but he wasn't screaming

he was just like time for an education. Interesting. Yeah, yeah. Did you like his method? At first, when he pulled back, I was like, ah, so that's why I stood there to make sure there was like no violence. But then I was like, oh, this guy's maybe a teacher. Yeah. What's the, there should be an expression for when a man explains something.

Oh. Mayonnaise. Mail call. Oh, he totally mail called it Yeah Mailversation To correct you It's when the car on the left In the roundabout

Has the right of way Well actually Car on the right Is gone already Oh yeah that's right Now do you have an overheard? So I did have time to think about it I appreciate it

You guys are very kind Thanks for giving me the time Thanks for coming on the show is recently i had a solo breakfast at nice cafe okay just off of main there on uh like eighth or something yeah eighth and uh there was a real artsy crew like younger um turtlenecks yeah circular glasses yeah exactly berets berets Neck's. Yeah. Circular glasses. Yeah, exactly. Berets. Berets. Taking pictures of the Beatles. Yeah. Copy of Howl tucked under their arm. Yeah.

These are, these are things. They were really scared. They didn't know what time they were in. They were, they ate like some sort of

time traveling pancake. What the hell? And like, yeah, where are my bongos but the thing is is beatniks ladies and gentlemen always eating those pancakes um i just got it okay the thing is is oh yeah so they were like modern artsy guys oh yeah which is even crazier right yeah modern um so i don't want to describe them too much because maybe

they're listeners and uh but they were you you anyways they were bad people i don't want to describe them too much because maybe they're listeners and uh but they were you you anyways they were bad people you don't like no they were fine they were like hipstery kind of like artsy like um you know the music that you're uh not hearing is what they're trying to say you know like that kind of shit but so the thing i can't remember specifically but one guy was doing most of the talking there's four of them and so he was the leader i assume but the main thing he kept one of the things he mentioned was this uh talking about his buddy's art project where they took like an indiana jones movie but took the um music out and he made his own soundtrack so it didn't match the movie and that was his fucking

art project but then the guy at the the guy telling it was explaining like it was really amazing because it just but the point of the project was to show you how good this acting is and how good the effects are so that it doesn't matter what the sound is the movie was still that good and i was sitting there trying not to be like, the music of Indiana Jones! You know what I mean? It's not crucial to the success of that movie. Your buddy, both of you are just being stupid.

It's one of the... It was kind of, it made me furious to a degree because it's like the Indiana Jones music. It's one of the few scores that you can... Yeah. Yeah. Indiana Jones music. It's one of the few scores that you can... Yeah.

It's more like trap beats. Look, it's Indiana Jones. Look, it's Indiana Jones. I was looking at pictures... I was looking at pictures of Indiana Jones the other day, and he wears pleated khakis. Yeah, yeah. Of course. What are you saying, man?

Is he the coolest person ever to wear pleated khakis, and we're all just chasing the dragon? Not anymore. I feel like maybe Scarface does. Oh, well, yeah. Maybe he wears some pretty high pants. Is he cooler than Indiana Jones? Say hello to my pleated khakis. Say hello to my pleated friends.. Say hello to my pleaded friends.

Hey, here's an Indiana Jones connection. Okay. At Sunday service last Sunday, Shia LaBeouf was in the crowd. Oh, that's right. We got to meet him after. It was cool. He's a little artsy crazy guy. He is, yeah.

Nice guy. I bet he... Nice guy. I think. As for the seconds I talked to him, but, uh, he came and he watched the whole show,

right? Yeah. It was part of an art project. He was. He took the soundtrack out of this. I know he does a lot of, but it was another weird project where like him and his crew, they type people send you a GPS location of where they want you to go.

And then go there and Sunday service was the location, and they film it. But I think they were up in the balcony, so they weren't disrupting the show at all. And they were very all really polite, nice people. But now I think my stand-up might be in the movie of this project. Oh, you burned all your, oh, from that major motion picture that's going to come out of us. New credit.

I got a new credit. Shia LaBeouf's art shit. That's my other dream role, playing a zombie or being in a Shia LaBeouf's art shit Do you think That's my other dream role Playing a zombie Or being in a Shia LaBeouf Art project Do you think You've lived them both

Like Cause James Franco's The other guy who Who's the other Who's the artsy Yeah there's still There's He does everything

Less famous You know Actors Crispin Glover or whatever Sure Who do artsy stuff But Well what's her name?

Uh, Tilda Swinton. Yeah. She was like a full on performance artist. Really? Yeah. She's awesome. But just like sort of avant-garde, whatever, this might be art. If Franco and LaBeouf did like a, uh, had like a big rivalry, I think that would really

elevate. I bet you they kind of do. But if it's not publicized. Like, it's just like, oh, James Franco's doing something. Oh, Shia LaBeouf's doing something.

Yeah, if they hated each other, or, I mean, even better, they hate each other for a while, and then like Brandy and Monica collide. Battle of the tiny,

self-indulgent ding-dongs. Just kidding, they both seem cool, actually. I think James Franco seems really cool. Yeah. But sometimes in the media, it seems like they're trying to frame him to be like...

Because anybody who, I think, anybody who goes outside of the tiny box that the media wants... Yeah, you're right. They've assigned you. Oh, really? You're totally right. You're an actor and that's not satisfying enough for you? Yeah. I'm just a reporter.

And I eat pancakes. You were talking about syncing up music to movies. And I never had done. Well, those guys were. Yeah. You were talking about them talking about it. I had never gone to the trouble of syncing up Dark Side of the Moon to Wizard of Oz. Oh, yeah.

But someone did it and put it online. Yeah. I've seen that, yeah. And I flipped through it. Yeah, yeah. But someone did it and put it online. Yeah, I've seen that, yeah. And I flipped through it. Yeah, yeah. But I never realized how long the beginning before it turns colorful is. It's like 45 minutes. Also.

I thought it was like five. Yeah, weird. There's also like this crazy, there's like all these sequences that you remember, but then there's these giant swaths of the movie that you're like oh no i don't recall that like what i don't know we were doing uh at the show that i host on monday the laugh gallery uh we get people to read trivial pursuit questions to win a prize yeah and one of the questions was like what what words did the wicked witch of the west write in the sky with her broom? And I was like

nobody fucking knows. I asked everybody in the audience. Does anybody know? Everyone's like no. It was something Dorothy? Bring Dorothy home? Yeah. Zoom? I don't know. It was something like that. Yeah. Zoom. Wee! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! But there's all sorts of like I don't whoa but there's all

sorts of like I don't know there's all sorts of scenes in it that I like totally just don't remember things that

you're like oh yeah that's part of that movie the guards with the crazy hats everything's crazy

I would like to watch it rewatch it yeah the flying monkeys are actually genuinely scary yeah

everything in it is genuinely scary and I have looked hard at that part where they claim the person hangs himself. It's an ostrich. Is it? An ostrich hanging itself? No, no.

It's the rope is the ostrich's neck. Yeah. Oh. What the hell? Because there was a scene where there was all these birds that was cut out of the movie. Oh. It was just an ostrich. But it wouldn't surprise me that there were just ostriches

walking around the set. Yeah. Hollywood was bonkers back then. Speaking of, like, places where people just, like, meet to hook up, that was... It's famous.

Were we? I don't remember that. No, you were saying a rollercoaster club or whatever. Oh, yeah. We are really looping back. This is the... Anyways, yeah.

But that movie, legendarily is um oh yeah fuck fest fuck fest for uh little people the little people i have heard of that yeah that it is great like people i guess maybe the last actors who were in that movie just passed away maybe like a year ago or two years ago and they just it's still like, I will never top that. Wow. Like it was the best. Yeah. Do you think they died of an STD from the fuck?

That's a very slow moving one. Sure. Yeah. Um, uh, now we also have, uh, overheard sent into us,

uh, by you, the listener. If you want to send one into us, send it to maximum fun. Dot org. Uh, or SBY at maximum fund. Or it to MaximumFun.org. Or SBY at MaximumFun.org. I'm not paying attention.

Yeah, me neither. Oh, brother. This first one comes from Matt in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Oh, okay. What if that was in a different place? It was Oklahoma City. It was Kansas City, Missouri. Why did they do that?

I think it's right on the border. Oh, okay. Happy now? Alright. Just overheard one co-worker talking to another about a recent incident in the news. He was trying to sound deep and knowledgeable about the world, and then this happened.

Nothing surprises me anymore. I mean, fiction is often less true than reality that's the best one just like uh which one's fiction again supposed to be true fiction is i get Are there any ones you get mixed up? Oh, what are they called? Like not aphorisms. The ones I can never keep straight are secular and non-secular.

Like one of them means non-religious, but I don't know which one. I think secular means non-religious Yeah, non-secular means religious Or the other way around Yeah, exactly This next one comes from Jarrett Did you guys have anything like that? No, I can't think of anything

Oh, you know what? For a long time I think when I was younger i thought pen ultimate meant oh after the ultimate yeah it seems like it yeah both seem like they should mean mine is i always say you can lead a horse to water but what about me that's true yeah and i don't think that i always get that you're you're not alone oh you know it was one what was one that, it's not a saying or anything, but it was a joke that I never understood as a kid. And it was only when I was an adult that I was like, oh, that's what that meant. But I remember as a kid reading the joke and being like, I don't, and it was so I didn't get it.

I can't wait for it. It was like a cosmic riddle. It was, it said, uh, how do you get down from a horse? Oh yeah. It's the joke. Yeah.

And then the answer is you don't get down from a horse. You get down from a duck. And I was like, what the fuck does that mean? So you asked me how to get down from a horse, but now I'm on a duck. It didn't make any sense. I never heard that before.

And I just had to figure it out now yeah the one that went for me was always like if jack helped you off a horse would you help jack off a horse that one i knew that one wait why am i jacking off a horse now i'm walking here i'm walking here and jacking off a horse i uh used to think when I was a kid, I thought befriend, I thought of it as defriend. What? Yeah. So it's like. Oh, like I'm befriending.

Befriending someone. I was like, I just befriended that person. I hate them. Oh. Yeah. Like I didn't, cause it sounds like defriending. It does sound like defriending. So I just let it grow.

One time I, I think I remember in grade three, we all had to wait for something. And I said to everyone, patience is a virgin. And everyone was like, it's patience is a virtue. And I was like, that's what I said. What is the great, there's a great bit of dialogue from friends where Joey says. Oh, the moot point. Moot point. Yeah, it's a moot point, like a cow's opinion.

This next overheard comes from Jarrett in Somerville, Massachusetts. Hi. Hi. While walking into work this morning, I heard a 20-something-year-old man talking with a 20-something-year-old woman say, if I die and I'm locked in my apartment, then my cat will just eat me. And I think that's great. Yeah.

It's true. Chris supports that. Yeah. yeah it's like people of life yeah yeah if a tree falls me i think the tree should just eat me yeah if a tree falls in the forest on me does the cat eat my face what about those trees what do you remember those trees in the wizard of o? They're so fucking scary. Is that in the forest where they find the Tin Man? Yeah, and then, like, I think Scarecrow eats an apple, and the tree's like, what the fuck, man? He's like, how would you like it if I ate a piece of you? And they start whipping apples at them. It's super scary. And that's when the Pink Floyd song Apple Fight plays.

I don't know Any pink voice Pink lady You're really You're really on today With the sound effect On today Yeah no you're right Canada's Michael Winslow I can do

Jimi Hendrix purple Okay go for it No but you know how Have you seen that video Yes yes I can do Jimi Hendrix purple haze okay go for it no but you know how he have you seen that video yes yes but now you do it

no I don't want to do it do it okay first dupe you gotta hear Katie Crown do Jimi Hendrix guitar it's amazing is it really good

she's been on the show right yeah yeah she's great she does this thing yeah it's really funny so you okay we want purple

haze well we're not gonna apple crunching and at the end somebody throws a rock at jimmy hendrick's head um it goes like this Oh man, that was everything. Everything I could have hoped for. If a cat falls on your face, will it eat your face? Yeah, that's another one. Is that one of Plato's monologues? I picture it playing Plato's monologue. Gather round, ladies and gentlemen.

Don't look. What the hell? Why did he say don't look? Everyone gather round, ladies and gentlemen. Don't look. What the hell? Why did he say don't look? Everyone gather round, but turn around. Gather round, ladies and gentlemen. Turn around. I'm shy. I'm naked.

I just like... Don't look. Plato's first dialogue is Socrates just being like, are we all naked? I don't know why that's so funny to me The very first One of the first philosophy Dialogues ever is like How much clothes are we wearing dudes I don't know why

Alright Alright This last one comes from Tyler in Waterloo, Ontario. Yeah, cool. I love go to the Princess Cafe, Tyler, and watch Mark LeCompte's comedy shows. Those are the best. All right.

I was at the grocery store when I overheard a boyfriend and girlfriend standing in front of the granola bars. The girl picks up a box of bars that advertise they are high in fiber. The boyfriend saw this and exclaimed, high in fiber? Like you need to shit more. Pretty good. And she was like, I love you. You get me. You're right. I

shit so much. That's really funny. Yeah. Pretty good. Pretty good all around. Guys, in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your beep bop boop phone calls. If you want to beep bop boop call us, our phone number is beep bop bop boop. Badidly doop. It's 1-844-SPY-POD1. That's one.

Ugh. Spypod1. Honestly, Dave, I think you should have hired me to do the bleep boops hired you? well okay do them and then

invoice me okay not here okay uh hey guys I am calling in

with an overheard hi I'm at a renaissance fair and uh there are two guys talking to each other at the beer tent. And one guy says to the other,

Hey, so, is she your girlfriend? And the other guy goes, No, we talked about it, but she hurt her ankle. So, it's off. Well, but, when you think about it, during the renaissance, hurting your ankle, that was like a death sentence.

Yeah, that's true. So, like, yeah. Did they use the term girlfriend in the Renaissance? Wench. But, you know. It's like, there's certain things that you're allowed to do at the Ren Faire and certain things that are put down on it. Right, there's certain suspension of disbelief. Yeah, yeah.

But if you hurt your ankle it's uh yeah you're out you're out of the renfair for the day you're you hurt your ankle back in the renaissance they add more mud to your face yeah yeah because everyone just had mud on their face anyway oh boy yeah you're not kidding except for like five royal people yeah yeah it's funny. Clean faces. Because even the royal people would have had pretty janky teeth, right? But in all the movies, everybody's got really. That's got to be what would kill you. The Renaissance was actually very mostly civilized, wasn't it? Yeah.

It was the Renaissance. Yeah. It came after the Dark Ages. They were reading all of Plato's dialogue. And they got super psyched. And then they were like, are we too naked? They're like, we were way more close. Here's your next phone call.

Hey guys, this is Mitch in Los Angeles calling in with an overheard. I was just at Michael's craft store and I heard from just around the corner of one of the aisles, a girl arguing with her dad. And I heard him say, Jessica, I said no.

That's all I need to say. And she's arguing back. And I turned the corner and saw that she was holding a giant, like novelty, red, white, and blue Uncle Sam hat, like a top hat. And she was saying, but Dad, I need it. I'm going to celebrate. To celebrate? Yeah.

I would love it. And the Collins and the Rittenhans rule. Yeah. Yeah, well, because they don't have to come up with new ones every week. Yeah, or on the did you that's amazing when you were a kid did you ever like see one of those like a novelty hat at a gas station or something and beg your parents to buy it for you you did i definitely did pretty much every gas station would have some kind of thing like if you could read this bitch fell off my head i remember being in grade four and being like my parents were going to new york in november and i

was like buy me a santa hat and they were like what a santa hat the scent buy me a santa hat bring me back a s hat from New York City and they did and I wore it at school and I was the coolest oh of course and then the next year Santa hats were everywhere

they made it to Vancouver by then you started it I did Santa hats but they were real velvety by the time they made it around here

and mine was just like felt bright red not like a maroon I bet your parents landed ran upstairs made a santa hat hey here we go where's my santa hat yeah did you get me a santa hat oh yeah oh yeah how come some of this santa's had his dad's vest. Yeah. And so we went to this very particular boutique.

Yeah. You can make Santa hats and your own Muppet. And also, have you seen that place in New York? No. I think it's actually a part of FAO Schwartz. You can make your own Muppet now. Design your own Muppet. MYOM?

That was good. I never would have thought of those letters. Yeah. M-Y-O-M at F-A-O Schwartz. Here's your final one. Hi, Graham, Dave, and possible guest. I'm calling in with an overheard. It's Christina G. from Vancouver.

And I was walking in the West End when I passed by two women in their 70s with kind of curly white grandma hair. And they were pretty well dressed and they were standing on a street corner chatting. And I just heard two lines. Woman one said, I'm pretty sure it's called a cubby hole. And woman two shook her head and insisted, no, it's a glory hole. Yeah. Well, wait, it's a glory hole. Yeah.

Well. Wait, what was the first one? Cubby or chubby? Okay, chubby. Chubby hole. A chubby hole. Yeah. Pretty good.

That's scary. What? Oh, sorry. No, go ahead. Accidentally mistaking a cubbyhole for a glory hole? Yes. Yeah, exactly. Your shoes get ruined.

I forgot what I was going to say. No, no, no. Where are glory holes? Wherever you are. Where do they occur? Yeah, just wherever there's, I think, a room and a whole, like... But, like, I would say I talk about them every day. And I've never been in the presence of one.

According to the porn I've seen, they're in a big piece of cardboard that someone's holding. And they're pretending it's a bathroom. They couldn't even go to Home Depot and buy some drywall. No. No, it's like a cardboard painted blue and there's fake graffiti on it. It's like movie magic. Okay.

I watched, I was watching a marathon of the show called Bar Rescue. And it goes into bars that are just really slimy. And one of the bars, they were like, they shot a porn in this bar. And so I was like, I just Googled the name. Yeah. Bar Rescue porn. First thing that pops up.

It was pretty gross. I could see why. I think why the guy was like, yeah, this is bad. Because he was like, the whole couch was, or the whole porn was filmed on this couch that everybody was sitting on. I mean, now I think, anytime I go into a bar, I'm like, wow, what's happened in here? What kind of cool sex productions have happened in here? Where can you jam in this bar? I feel that way if I go to someone's house and it's too small.

Like there aren't enough rooms and you're like, oh. Oh, you're like, there must be a secret room around here. Well, no. It's like. Am I sitting where your bum was? If there's not too many places to be in here. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

And totally like your junk has been totally near where I'm. Yeah. No, that's a good call. It's a good call. Anytime you go to anything. Yeah, oh yeah. And totally, like your junk has been totally near where I'm... Yeah, no, that's a good call. It's a good call anytime you go into anything, really. Like if someone's

apartment is just a bed and you have to sit on it and drink tea on the bed. Like, how, when was the last time someone was, you know,

squishing around it? Oh, this morning. You're drinking like a green tea. You're like, are these my pubes? That green tea is from the alien I had sex with this morning. That's an alien pube. I'll take that.

On Earth, it's known as platinum. I can sell these alien spew. That's like a modified Jack and the Beanstalk. Oh, my God. Oh, you could call it Jack and the Beanstalk. Jack and... And he's got a big green dick. Thank you, Jack.

Is that Mickey Rourke? Is this your rock? Do it. Okay, you know what? I'll do this part in stereo. Nice. Whoa, it was like it went from one you're skipping stone yeah skipped across his face yeah now this is the end of the podcast do you have anything to plug you do a once a month show in toronto at oh yeah in toronto if you're there, first Wednesday of every month, it's called Riffington at the Ozzington.

And no material. And it's super fun. The audience has a blast because it's really, really live. That's my favorite thing to do is just get up there and riff. Yeah. Riff around. Yeah. It's a fun show.

I think I did maybe the second one ever or something. It was on Canada Day. No, you did my old show called Fosington. It didn't have gimmick oh yeah it was just a show this one has a gimmick now finally yeah um and uh you'll be at just for laughs yeah just for laughs in montreal in late july and then odd block in winnipeg in late august you're doing it you're out there doing i'm doing two things and you know you in the meantime you're doing it. You're out there doing it. I'm doing two things. And, you know, in the meantime,

you're doing other things. Yeah, Utopia to Me, people can listen to that. Yeah, Utopia to Me is awesome. I have an album out from two years ago called The World is Embarrassing, and then I just recorded a new thing

that's called Demons Are Eating My Head, and that's not out yet, and I'm talking to some people about releasing it with them, and I think it's good. But here's the thing. Maybe other stand-ups can relate. I was talking to people.

I recorded it, and it was super fun and successful. But now I keep doing those jokes, and I'm like, ah, but are these jokes better than when I recorded it? And I'm freaking out. I've recorded a lot of stuff that I've never released. Really? Yep. He's like Prince. When he dies there will be vaults and vaults.

Awesome! Then you're just going to find out that it was just me singing karaoke at home. Tonight we're going to party like it's sort of a later year than the first one. But thank you so much for... voice but yeah it's uncanny yeah you've done two voices perfectly thank you so much for being our guest hey i love you guys i love coming on here and uh i love being out in bc uh such a great scene move the whole fam out

here just come on well we might move west coast i I don't know. West Coast is, I have a West Coast soul. I'm from Toronto, but West Coast is where it's at. Just bring out the whole brood. I will. All right. I'll bring out a brood. You'll see. Yeah, you'll see.

Yeah, thank you very much for having me. And if we're doing some live shows. Yeah, we'll be in Edmonton October 7th. And Victoria October 22nd doing some live. Yeah. We'll be in, uh, Edmonton, October 7th and, uh, Victoria, October 22nd doing live podcasts. You can, uh,

find tickets for those. I will post them on the episode recap. Yeah. And links for those. Um, and, we have another podcast, our debut album,

our debut album, three episodes of that out. Yeah. I really liked that latest song. It's a lot of fun. And if you like the show, go over to MaximumFun.org. Check out the blog recap, pictures and videos relating to the content of this podcast. Surely Mickey Rourke's face.

That gif of the robot dog slipping out of an animal. Jack and the Beanstalk. Sure. These Picards. Oh, man. Jack and the Beanstalk. Sure. These cards. Oh, man. Some of them are funny. It's got Alan Thicke. I hope everybody likes those burgers.

Well done. It's all smoky. Some of them are funny. And thank you so much for the rad dudes cards. Take as many packs as you can carry on the plane. Yeah. Are you checking baggage? I don't think you're allowed to bring these on the plane. Yeah. Are you checking baggage? I don't think you're allowed to bring these on the plane.

Too rad. Too rad for him. And if you like the show, you can leave a review on iTunes. Please tell your friend to come on back next week for an episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Your friend. Tell your friend.

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