Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 439 - Aaron Read

Episode Date: August 15, 2016

Improviser Aaron Read returns to talk farmers' lives, rich vandals, and fireworks.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 439 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's a whiz at figuring out computer glitches. On the go, Mr. Dave Shumka. Sounds like something a grandfather would say.

You're a whiz. Dave, you're a whiz, you're a gem, you're the cat's pajamas. I just had to re-download the driver for our mixer. you're the cat's pajamas I just had to re-download the driver for our mixer if anyone is wondering the show is mixed

on an Alesis USB 2.0 multi-mix USB 2.0 USB mixer how many mixes? multi?

it's a multiple mix USB multi-mix 8 2.0 multi-mix Alesis Alesis and our guest today returning guest to the podcast an all-time 2.0. Multimix Alesis. Alesis? Mm-hmm. And our guest today, returning guest to the podcast, an all-time fave.

Wow. A very funny comedian, member of the improv troupe, the Sunday Service, Mr. Aaron Reid is with us. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hi. Hello. Hi.

Hello. How many times has that happened on the podcast? Oh, every year. Too many. Every time. Yeah. Not enough for my liking. Yeah.

Welcome back. Thank you. Thanks for having me back. Should we get to know us? Yeah, man. Get to know us. Aaron Reid. Aaron, hi.

Hi. Um, you... Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Um, you, we're, uh, hi. Hi. Hi. You are our guest today and we are recording this episode the day that episode four of our debut album, our other podcast, is out featuring you. Yeah.

Yeah. That's great. And a really, a really cool song. It was. I really like it. There's so much going on. Yeah. We're a little bit.

But not too much. Yeah. No really like it. There's so much going on. Yeah. We're a little bit. But not too much. Yeah. Perfect amount. Perfect amount of things going on for the song. What else is going on? Yeah. You travel the world as a musician. You do art and comedy here in town.

What's shaking? What's shaking? Well, I'm not going to do the touring thing anymore. That's it? Yeah. I'm done with that shit, that fun, fun stuff. How come? Like, mostly so I don't go crazy.

Sure. Yeah. And then just to stay and focus on doing comedy stuff and art stuff and my own kind of music stuff. So that's kind of shaking on that front. When you go on tour, do you feel like that's all you get done is the tour? Yeah. You try. You bring a book.

You bring a book. For the day at the beach? You bring a book and you bring an open journal. And you return with an unread book and an open journal. And like, fuck. Yeah. It's not the most productive of times. Yeah.

Yeah. But then you hear about like, you know, like a band that's been around for 20 years and 18 of those years they've just been constantly touring. Yeah. I think, yeah yeah i don't know are those people insane yeah they're totally totally insane they need to watch out and they haven't read a book in two decades the last book they read was like a lilo and stitch

screenplay now what band are we talking about that's reading a lilo and stitch the baha man you're right they have been on tour pretty much non-stop yeah and they also read the crash bandicoot uh user manual that was 20 years ago as well um what i've had this we i think on this very show uh moshe kasher made fun of me for calling the Baja men the Bahaman. The Bahaman? But they're from the Bahamas. They're not from the Baja. Yeah, it's supposed to be clever.

And I think it gets halfway there. They are a clever group of guys. They have some clever lyrics. They tricked the world into listening to a song about dogs running out. I guess it's not literally about that. It's a metaphor.

It's a metaphor. It's a metaphor. Men in a bar. Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah. Sex men. Who let them out?

Yeah. Now, speaking of metaphors, this was a couple weeks ago. We were talking about the lyrics to the kid rock song, Cowboy. Yeah, Cowboy. Cowboy. Well, I'm headed out west and I'm going to see the thing.

And I'm going to a city because I love to eat some things. I go to the store and I buy lots of things. And I go to a restaurant and eat some onion rings. Oh, cowboy. Baby. Cowboy. I thought it was just going to be all things. I know, I know. But then after the second thing, I was like, I could have said rings. Oh, cowboy. Baby. Cowboy. I thought it was just going to be all things. I know, I know.

But then after the second things, I was like, I could have said rings. But in the lyrics, we were talking, we were singing it and then there's a part where...

I mean, is it the lyric that I remember best, do you think? Is it the one about onion rings? No. About the sheriff? Because that ain't right gonna paint his town red and paint his wife white oh come on have some respect for law enforcement

and and for the sanctity of marriage and for like paint yeah but there's a lyric where he says i can smell a pig from a mile away. And I said to Aaron, I was like, that probably bummed out some cops who were also fans of Kid Rock. And then Aaron said. Oh, yeah. And I was like, what? I thought, oh, no. And then at that moment, I realized that that was a metaphor for cops. metaphor for cops and I literally thought Kid Rock was rapping

about how he is such a like a southern guy that he could smell a real pig from a mile away. Like a live pig? Like a live pig. Not just like even barbecue. When I heard the line I imagined a pig

very far away and like Kid Rock kind of just like, yeah. It's about a mile from here. That's about a mile away. Well, genius. What is Bowitaba about? Under special skills, Kid Rock's...

I know his resume. I can smell a pig from a mile away. When he's applying to be a police officer. Yeah, or a cowboy. I have trouble with literal things. Where were you guys talking about this song? I don't remember.

It was on at a wedding. Yeah, it was a couple's first dance. It was a sheriff and his wife. And his wife. And the guy showed up with two buckets of paint. This guy. You know which one this is for. Does Kid Rock have a nickname?

American Devil. Devil without a cause? Oh, sure. I think of fucking monster. People who encounter him in real life are like, yeah, he's a monster. I hear he's nice.

Oh really? It goes by Bob. Oh, his real name. That's what people like when they talk about Bob De Niro. Yeah. They're like, I was talking to Bob rock,

not the other guy, not the record producer from the payola. Um, uh, no, it's, uh, uh, yeah, he does a cruise. Oh, the Kid Rock cruise? Yeah, and apparently everyone loves him. And he's super genial and kind to his fans and stuff.

He seems like a guy that probably, because he, I know the one thing that he did was he fought to keep his ticket price low so that people could come so his fans who can't afford shirts can afford tickets but he does send out an email blast saying don't spend that money on shirts

no shirt no shoes no problem at the Kinrock show at the Kin Rock show. The Kid Rock show. Oh, man. I would be interested to go if I could just go and observe the gathering, Juggalos. Yes. A Kid Rock concert, I think, would be very fascinating. I wonder what percentage of people going to the gathering of the Juggalos are now just like wannabe vice reporters.

Right. We went to the 40th annual gathering of the Juggalos. It's mostly us now. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And then they have to set up like a secondary gathering. Secret gathering. I think the Insane Clown Posse was played in Vancouver. Yeah. secondary gathering. Secret gathering. Um, what they,

I think the Insane Clown Posse was playing late in Vancouver. Yeah, I wanted to go, but I didn't. Why didn't you? I thought about it, but I don't,

like, their music, and I feel like I'd be scared there. But I, that is, especially here, it's gonna all just be

Yeah, that's true. guys who want to observe it. Yeah. Yeah. And, like, are going ironically. Although there's got to be some people coming in from the burbs and the surrounding small towns.

Sure. I think so. Like, wasn't it the same night as some other completely opposite type of show? Like Adele or something? Yeah. I feel like it was. I think it might have been Adele. It was something.

It was Insane Clown Posse, and then on the same night, it was the mellower side of things. And everybody had to pick one. There was a show where Sarah McLachlan was watercoloring seashells at the beach. You could pay to go see that. Very tranquil. Yeah. Do watercolors work on shells? No.

Oh, no. Probably not. I mean, they will. For a while. Yeah. Just don't put them back in the water. Yeah, don't put them back in the water. Take them home.

But also, don't put any of your artwork back in the water. Ah, that's true. You're going to, you know. Yeah. Although I do this wonderful thing with those soda can rings. I do this wonderful art with them. Then it goes into the ocean. Yeah.

And then six. It belongs to the sea. Yeah. Six turtles become best friends. Yeah. Mm-hmm. So you're not going to tour anymore. No.

And you're going to stay in Vancouver. Yeah. That's great yeah very exciting and any uh like uh what what does your new life look like now that you're here in vancouver full-time no no what is an aaron reed what do you do uh well you know uh work really Work really hard to make almost no money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, struggle. Struggle with lots of different things. Sure, yeah, yeah. It's like, I want to say more, but yeah, I think like, yeah, mostly just making. I'm going to make a book for the Vancouver Art Book Fair in October. So trying to figure that out.

I have a couple ideas for that. And then trying to work on my own music. I've got like a few songs. Cool. And then... And then... Yeah, you know,

mostly I just wake up. Sure. Pretty stressed out. You wake up stressed out? Most days, yeah. Really? Yeah. So as soon as you're up...

I'm working on it. Stress. What time do you wake up? I wake up... It depends. You know Really? Yeah. So as soon as you're up I'm working on it. Stress. What time do you wake up? I wake up, it depends. You know what? Recently I've been I fully am invulnerable to any alarm. I set like in the past month I've set an alarm every night. I don't recall.

I don't recall hearing the alarms at all. I can fully sleep through alarms now which is crazy. So do the alarms just eventually turn themselves can fully sleep through alarms now, which is crazy. So do the alarms just eventually turn themselves off? Like, this guy's not... I have no idea.

We've got to save batteries. Just phone alarms? Phone alarms. And I chose really annoying sounds last night, and I don't remember turning them off. What are annoying sounds?

Like, the ones that are like... Because there's ones that are pleasant, like... Do-do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do-do. But then there's ones that are like... Ah! Ah!do-do-do-do, do-do-do-do-do. But then there's ones that are like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or like, beep-boop-goop-goop, beep-boop-goop.

I don't know. Just choosing ones that I'm like, ah-ha, I hate that. You can make your own ringtones, you know. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Wake up. Yeah, Aaron, get up, you idiot.

Have you thought about, like, a different type of alarm? Like, one of those ones that has a light on it that slowly lights up and then your room is all lit up? Well, they actually, I'm living kind of a farmer's life right now because... Tell me more. I bought a farm. Okay. Oh, we bought a zoo. I haven't seen that.

Because my windows are east facing so I get the sun rising. I literally had to think which one is the rise. Yeah. I always just remember it with riding off

into the west. That's the only like people on horses riding off into the sunset. Into the sunset. West. Western West. For me, it's, do you remember the band The Tea Party? Yeah.

They were a Canadian 90s rock band. And there's one part where, and the lead singer's got this very 90s voice. Yeah. And that's Crash Test Dummy. Crash Test Dummy. God damn it. What was The Tea Party? Yeah. And that's Crash Test Dummy. No, that's Crash Test Dummy. Oh, damn it. There was one part where he goes, and there's a new sun rising in the east.

That's how you remember that's horrifying. It takes me a while. But yeah, the sun rises about 8 a.m. The sun just hits me. So when it's overcast, I don't wake up. Or winter. Yeah, or winter. It's a farmer's life, right?

Yeah, yeah. Oh, man, that would be awesome if farmers just took the winters off. What do farmers do in the winter? Probably keep animals alive. Oh, yeah. But like if you're a cropsman, is the winter just hanging out? if you're a cropsman, is the winter just hanging out?

That's when you sort of make the scarecrows. Oh, you gotta make the scarecrows. Yeah, clean out the jam jars. You gotta go into town and find young orphans to adopt and come work

in the summer. Grasping at straws there. You gotta grasp at straws. Oh, absolutely. You have to break off all the weird tension you've created with your scarecrow that you've built. So you build it and then it's a month of like, oh god, I think

I'm falling in love with it. Breaking that off, it's a real cycle. But she says she has a boyfriend in Canada. And I burned him. Yeah, it's a real cycle. But she says she has a boyfriend in Canada. And I burned him. Yeah. It's a scared of commitment crow. There we go.

It's a farmer's life. Yeah, a farmer's life. That's a farmer's life. Yeah, so just when the sun comes, it hits me at 8 a.m., I usually wake up going like, oh my God, I wake up like that because I'm so hot. Do farmers have curtains? I don't know. I have blinds, but I doubt they do. Surely that's something they could do in the winter.

Mend curtains. Uh-huh. Also, do they rely on the sun to wake them up or a rooster? Oh, yeah. They get up before the sun, I think. Yeah. Yeah. So it's definitely not a farmer's life.

Yeah, like I also have the same thing, the easterly facing windows. Yeah. But I'll wake up at 8 and then I'll just be like, got to power through this, got to go back to sleep. Oh, in the heat. In the heat. Whoa, I can't do it. And the type of dreams you have in that hour or two in the heat,

there's some weird stuff going on. It's fun. Those are bonus dreams. If you can have a dream after you wake up and then go back to sleep, that's like... That's tops, right? Well, yeah, I've tried to go back to a dream, but that is so frustrating. Oh, I woke up. Oh, no, it was so

much... I was enjoying it so much. It was whipped cream. Yeah. I was in a bathtub with whipped cream. I think I've done it where I'll be having a dream where I'm like, I don't know, making out with someone. I'm like, oh, that was so nice. I want to go back to that dream. Then you try and go back to that dream, and you get back there, and there's just a giant two-by-four with muscle hands.

It's like, let's do this. And you're like, no, where's the cool woman I was kissing? I am her now. Dip me in barbecue sauce have you done that where you try to go back to the dream where you like

you lie there you close your eyes and then you just think back to the place yeah and then yeah you can't you can't

you can't demand your brain goes to that someday they'll figure out how to do that that'd be great and you'll be able to just um

program in I uh uh yeah cause there's no logic to great. And you'll be able to just, um, program in. I, uh, uh, yeah, because there's no logic to dreams. Because if you've ever tried to like, tell someone the dream that happened,

first of all, they're so bored, they don't want to hear it. Immediately. And, uh, second of all, you try to tie the details together with some. It doesn't work.

It doesn't work. Well, there's always like, the thing that I love, I love, I actually really like hearing people talk about dreams because you always hear the same kind of, like, system of explanation where they're like, so is that my school?

But it wasn't, like, my high school. You know what I mean? Like, it was a school, but I knew it was my school. It's like, yeah, yeah, dreams. Yeah, keep going. I've discovered something that's even more boring than telling someone about your dream. Telling someone the different handedness you are with different things, like the sports equipment especially. Like I golf left-handed, and I play hockey left-handed.

That's so boring. Baseball, like I swing a bat left-handed, but I throw right-handed, and I write right-handed so boring and i baseball like i swing a bat left-handed but i throw right-handed and i write right-handed i wish i had a joke about how the the one thing more boring than somebody describing their dream was somebody describing a magic trick that they saw like yeah i guess you literally had to be there. Because I couldn't believe my eyes. And you can't believe your ears hearing it from me. I assume. Yeah.

The thing that I do that's more boring than describing my dream is when I forget, like, an artist's name or someone's name I'm trying to remember, I will then, because it drives me crazy. You'll just call them Lilo and Stitch. Yeah. So I will then try and it drives me crazy. You'll just call them Lilo and Stitch. Yeah. So I will then try and remember who they're from. So if it was like, if I was trying to remember like James Gandolfini or whatever, I would like think of a movie that he was in. But then I forget the name of the movie.

So then I try and think of an actor who's in that movie. And then I get a little bit closer. I'm like, oh, okay, yeah, yeah, Justin Gordon-Levitt. And then I'm like, what? And then I get into this like like what movie were both james canolfini and joseph gordon levitt in and i apologize to the person i'm talking like i'm sorry i have to do this and then i end up with just this web of bullshit that i've created and i'm no closer. And now I have like eight different questions. I'm sorry to everyone who I've done that to. I think they liked it.

Have you ever looked up the meaning of a dream? Like where you've had a dream and you remember it when you wake up and it's very vivid and you Google it. You go on WebMD. Am I dying in brackets? I had a dream about it. You go on WebMD. Am I dying in bracket? I had a dream about it. You click on the body.

They have this thing where you can click on different body parts that might be ailing it. You click on brain. Yeah. And then it lists a bunch of types of dreams. And you say, my shoes were running after me. But they were like my dad's shoes. You know what I mean? But they weren't though, you know?

Probably work stress. Yeah. Yeah, that's the thing is no matter what the dream is, it's like you fear change or there's a change. Yeah. Or you love change. You don't have any change. Yeah, there's no change.

So you're waking up early. Yeah. Then do you get out of bed and get started on the day? Sometimes. So if it's a healthy day, then I'll make an oatmeal. Okay. Yes. And then... That's very farmer's life.

I'm kind of leading a farmer's life. Yeah, yeah. Oatmeal feels like that's something a farmer would eat. Steel-cut oats, too. Yeah. Get out of here. That's farmer's life. Pancakes is what lumberjacks eat.

Do they offer non-steel-cut oats? There's like quick oats. But are they steel-cut? I don't know. Steel-cut oats, it sounds great, but that might just be something that every oat has been cut by steel. Otherwise, there'd be wood chunks. Yeah. We cut it with wood.

Yeah. What other thing? Why do lumberjacks eat pancakes? That's so childish. I don't know. I don't know why lumberjacks and pancakes. Also, just sugar and flour. They must be getting tired immediately near the trees.

But they got to burn a lot of calories. Yeah. So do they have more pancakes like two hours later? No, I don't know what I don't think a lumberjack's lunch is pancakes. Maybe it is. Is it just because some people call pancakes flapjacks and they're like, well, it sounds sort of like what I'm doing. It's a type of jack.

I guess. I could have this or a bowl of apple jacks. I don't know. I just, there's like an irrational association, I think. But yeah, you're right. There's no, there's very little nutrition in a thing of... But also, if you're up in a lumber camp, it's probably hard to get fresh produce and stuff. So you're probably eating a lot of...

But what nutrition is in oatmeal? Oh, yeah. Does it have anything? Oh, yeah, yeah. There's lots of... And it keeps you sustained. Like a flavin? Does it have one of the flavins?

Maybe one of the flavins. Ribo or Flava Flavin? Do you put anything on it? Yeah, if I have some stuff. I'll throw some stuff in there. Nuts? We don't go nuts. Blueberries?

Blueberries, yes. Bananas, for sure. Oh, yeah, you got it. Let's get some brown sugar in there. Oh, yeah, mostly. Just mostly put that. Yeah, mostly just brown sugar in there oh yeah mostly yeah mostly for that yeah yeah mostly just a little bit of salt even a little bit salt that's it i've never done that yeah yeah it makes it really it makes it taste a little bit like a pie my roommate puts peanut

butter in his oatmeal which is quite good it melts yeah it melts so like you this this is that's a that's a pretty good start to the day yeah Yeah, that's if it's a good day. If it's a bad day, you know, a couple cigarettes in bed. Do you smoke in your apartment? Oh, shit. I do. Yeah, I do. I have a little fan out the window.

Oh, no one can tell. That's cool. Yeah, sure. I'm sure it's fine between you and your roommate. Like, it's been ages and ages since I smoked at all. Yeah. But before that, ages and ages before, since I had been able to smoke indoors. Right.

That seems like, that's a bygone. Yeah. Unless you go to maybe, you know, the other side of the world. Yeah. Unless you go to maybe the other side of the world. Yeah. Or I lived in a place with one of my partner years ago who, you could smoke inside. Wow. It was called Bad Manners down in Strathcona. Okay. Yeah, it's like a really, it's like a yeah, bad apartment building.

But was the, did you smoke back then? I did not. She did though. Oh, okay. Yeah. That's too bad. I know, right? You really should have.

I should have started smoking earlier. Yeah, I guess so. Well, the thing is, when did you start smoking? Yeah, didn't you start like way after the peer pressure years? Yeah, yeah. Like way, it was really my own decision. Because those companies are trying really hard to grab you when you're 12. When I'm 12.

Yeah, yeah. And you know who else is trying to grab you when you're 12? Guys in vans. Yeah. And if they... Yeah. And they'll lure you with smokes. Yeah.

If they're in for the government. Well, they'll be hanging out the back of a van saying, hey, I'll only like you if you smoke. I don't know how peer pressure works. So, yeah, you got through the peer pressure years, and then... Yeah, I guess I started smoking like two years ago. Yeah. Yeah, and it was mostly because I had a severe mental breakdown. Okay.

Yeah, and then so I was like, well, I need something. That's as good a time as any to start smoking. Yeah. Or pick it back up again if you quit. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I feel like that's probably like, that's the one time I would say like, sure, have a cigarette. Have a smoke. I i mean it's not gonna make anything any better but it'll probably make some stuff worse but then now but at least

like you can't i mean if you live a long life yeah then uh i mean i guess it's good you haven't been smoking that long yeah yeah like but like you won't, in 50 years, you won't be like, I've been smoking. Well, you will. You will say I've been smoking for 52 years. No. I forget what my point is. Yeah. But if you.

I'm going to quit in the, I mean, going to quit in the fall is my plan. It's true, though, because, like, I'm done, like, I'm better now, so I'm done with the, like. Sure. It's no longer a crutch that helps me now. It's just like, oh, okay, now, like, the company has done its job. Yeah, so now you're just addicted to cigarettes. Yeah, yeah, totally. You know, where it's not even like, oh, this isn't even fun anymore, like, enjoyable. And it becomes so not enjoyable to the point where you're like, because there is no, aside from you and your own bed, there is no casual, like, oh, we just finished a big meal.

Yeah. I'll have a cigarette. It's you've got to put on your shoes and a jacket and you've got to go outside and quite far away from the house if you're being a good guest. If you're being a good guest, yeah. And in the winter, it's. Or when it's raining. Or when it's raining. It's less fun.

Yeah. Like summertime, you should get up early like more smoking hours yeah one thing I love about the summer is you see people

jogging smoking at 5am I remember watching some movie that was from the 80s and this was not uncommon in the 80s that it would show

people working out and then later in the movie also smoking a cigarette. And I was like, that is not... Maybe for like one in a hundred people, you could do that. But you were pretty much smoking. I definitely know people. I remember seeing people in college.

Working out and then smoking later? Wow. I do it. Really? Yeah, because it started working out like a month ago. And it's real dangerous, because afterwards you're like, I really deserve this. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

But you're just undoing all the, you know, all the good that you just did. Well, not totally. I mean, like calories or whatever. But I'm that way with junk food. Yeah. I'm like, well, I burned it off. Plus, my metabolism is a little quicker because I worked out. Yeah.

Might as well. So I will get the novelty size Toblerone. Slowly, yeah. And go down to the beach and suck on it like a dog with a bone. It is pretty crazy that like the share, it's like share sizes or family size or whatever has slowly crept in. Because like I don't remember those being in existence when i was a kid an enormous an enormous chocolate bar or a giant bag of m&ms and you could only get them at the movie theater yeah but then they somehow just ended up in stores

and they're so obviously not for families or for a group of people. What family? They're so like clearly for you. You lonely man at the shoppers at the lemon. No, totally. My family, we have a Christmas meal every year. Past the Reese's Pieces. And we just dish them out onto our plate next to our cranberries. Like when you're there, I don't know.

It's like a giant bag that's just like, edge choppers, it's like, it's just calling to you. Well, and it's one of those things where the giant bag is like $1.20, and the tiny bag is like $1.10. So you're like, wow. It's real movie theater logic. Yeah, I got to get the bigger size. I mean, it's just the fiscally responsible thing to do. Exactly.

I think I bought a couple of things at Corn Nuts the other day. I was so excited to buy these Corn Nuts. This is my treat. This is my time. And it's been a while since I've eaten Corn Nuts. This is my time. And it's been a while since I've eaten corn nuts. And yeah, it was, I guess I just forgot what flavor I like.

And so I bought two big bags of what I thought was the flavor I like. And then it was just a chore to eat them. Oh, God. And they're so crunchy. Oh, yeah. I really, I got a little sensitivity on one side of my mouth. So I'm chewing all on one side oh yeah you're getting like a crazy

one jaw muscle yeah overdeveloped yeah that's how Popeye got his face I don't yeah I don't know

like also with bags of chips I feel like the individual bag of chips is too too much yeah like I want the

Halloween size that's all I want chips wise but you will you eat a giant bag of chips is too too much yeah it's too like i want the halloween size well that's all i want chips wise but you will you eat a giant bag of chips i don't think about chips i don't buy chips your chips are not part when chips are there i'll eat all yeah yeah yeah i don't think about chips until i same way until i see them in the store and then I go... Yeah, I don't often get chips either. It's when they're out in front of me. I don't even buy them. Oh, okay.

So, like, if you're at a party and then there's chips there. I don't have the money. Yeah. You don't have chip money? I don't have chip money. Well, it's because you spend it all on those corn nuts. What does a package of cigarettes cost? It depends what kind you smoke,

but I guess a package of Belmonts is like... It depends where you go, but i guess a package of belmont's is like it depends where you go but yeah sure sure if you're buying them out of the out of that van that we mentioned earlier the uh i think the cheapest of that kind is like 12 but then you have to go talk like i go to this one store the smoke shop on main i don't think he listens podcast but he always says something really fucked up to me whenever i go there so i try not to go there like what like last time he was like he always throws me off because he's always like hey what's up man and i was like i but sometimes he's very angry towards me yeah and i'm like oh how's it going he's like good now that you're here and then and then this all sounds perfect it's okay but then he'll be like uh i'll be like okay anything else no no just that he's like you want a lottery ticket i'll be like no it. But then he'll be like, I'll be like, okay, anything else? No, just that. He's like, you want a lottery ticket?

I'll be like, no, it's 11 million. I'll be like, well, that's a lot of money. I wouldn't even know what to do with that money. He's like, hookers and blow. And then he just looks at his wife, and I'm like... His wife is sitting there? His wife is sitting there. And then I'm just like, thank you.

No. No, thanks. No, and also, no, stop. And cigarettes are cheaper there? Yeah, they are, but it's like a dollar off, but then you got to hear some atrocious misogyny.

Um, what, uh, do you think he recognizes you or is he this way with everyone? He recognizes me, but he always just says something so weird to me every time. Maybe he thinks that that's patter.

Yeah, I think also I give off a vibe like, tell me some weird shit. Like, I think I give off that vibe like, yeah, tell me. Say something weird. Say something fucked up to me. I remember years ago, I got my hair cut in one of these hipster barber places.

And the guy there was very, he was giving me a lot of like, he was saying like, kept saying pussy and stuff. I was like, come on, man. I'm just here to get my haircut. I've actually got my haircut at Sorrento. I don't mind saying it. Like Sorrento barbers in like Hastings Nanaimo.

Okay. And the lady there, if you ever get your haircut there, do not get this lady. She's from Basque. She's one of the only ladies who lives there. From where? Basque. It's like some place in Europe where they're like purists and like crazy racists. Okay.

Oh, Jesus. She whispered the N word into my ear. I only do that. I only have that done while I'm having sex. Did she whisper just the word? Or just like it was a part of a sentence? Yeah, because it was when the Ebola crisis was

happening. And then that guy from Dallas who was returning from a trip who was black and she was like he got back to the States and she whispered in my ear, lucky n-word. And then I was just like I just had a full on panic attack panic attack well what could you do she you can't walk out mid-haircut you look

ridiculous oh but she knew what she was saying was awful well she whispered and then she was like very back but she's like oh you think i'm a bad person i I was like, yes, I do. It's because you're from Basque. Yeah. Well, that was the thing. She was like, people in Europe

hate us, Basque. And she was like, proud. I was like, why? And she was like, we don't like

letting other people in. It's like, oh, Jesus. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I never went back there. But that, that does, do they do, I'm guessing that they don't do like cornrows or laptops there. No. She refused to give me what I wanted.

But what do you. Yeah. Like you say, you can't walk out halfway through America. I mean, in hindsight, I should have been like, whoa, that's messed up. No. And then left. But I was just like, as soon as she did that like my heart started racing in my adrenaline and i was just like so confused and like she really took advantage of the fact

like what do you think do you think a racist see i mean you know my tipping policy is still you know 15 um but, do you think that you have, like, an aura that people see you and they're like, this guy wants to hear some racist... I don't think so. Yeah, I don't think I do. I think it's, like, I think half of it's, like, sometimes you just meet other white people who are, like, very bad. And they're like, I'm going to test the the water see if this white person is as bad as that's really not testing the one that's cannonballing into the pool and then announce and then saying the n-word right before you cannonball

oh my god it's oh man yeah like i know i think i just sometimes like i think i dress a bit disheveled and i think sometimes people assume that like like, I'm a dirty dog, and I'm down to hear some bad, bad boy shit, which I am totally not. Like, if anyone's listening to this, and you see me, and I look disheveled, please don't tell me. Just tell me, like, hey, you buttoned your shirt crooked. Yeah, wrong. Or be like, hey, look at these roses. They're so nice. Yeah.

I like nice things. Yeah. Yeah. I should just carry around like a diary that has a bunch of butterfly stickers on it as well as whatever I'm wearing. That's smart. Yeah. Something to do.

And hum a song that's like. Heart-shaped glasses maybe. Angels in America. It's a TV show about AIDS. No, right. I knew. I think I knew that angels just like

angels all around the world I wish they were my friends that's how to get people to treat you like a nice person yeah this guy likes angels wearing your lolita sunglasses hey everybody this guy on the bus likes angels oh man um dave what's going on with you oh guys i just went away for a week. Oh, yeah. Vacation. I went on a family vacation with my family and my family's family. Yep.

With a wife and daughter. And, well, we went to Kelowna in the interior of British Columbia on Lake Okanagan. Oh. And my parents rented this house that sleeps eight, and there were 18 of us. Oh, Jesus. Whoa. Was it in Kelowna proper, or was it in the West Bank? I think it was in Kelowna proper.

Okay. Right on the water. I don't know what the West Bank is, but people kept pointing to that thing. I think that's the West Bank. Yeah. I know what the West Bank of that the, but people kept pointing to that thing. I think that's the West Bank. Yeah. If you, I know what the West Bank of Gaza is. That's why when I first went to Cologne, I was like,

you know, there's a more famous West Bank, right? You guys, you guys probably came second on the whole naming West Bank. Uh, anyways, it's up a hill.

That's all I know. Oh yeah. Well, it's beautiful country up there. Sure. Wine country. It's wine country. Yeah. It is golf know. Oh, yeah. Well, it's beautiful country up there. Sure. Wine country. It's wine country. Yeah.

It is golf country. Oh, yeah. It's sleep country Canada. We drove up there. It was like our first sort of traditional, you know, going for a trip as a family. Yeah. Me and Abby and the baby. Yeah, a real Griswold. Yeah.

Yeah. And the speed limit is so high on that highway and windy and windy it's 120 kilometers an hour which is like 75 miles an hour and people do not stick to that they go well over it except uh 18 wheelers go about half of that because you're going up a mountain yeah and it's like yeah it's it i have no problem going 110 if it's straight but then it starts getting windy and they just like they they kick it up a notch and it's like a challenge like yeah there's there's no way i could possibly i i zip around although sometimes your mind wanders And you look and you're going 140 How is this

This is the fastest a human being has traveled Yeah And sometimes it gets really rainy Up on that road too Oh yeah In the winter it's the number one news story Every few days Hey no one's going anywhere

Oh yeah When you traveled as a musician on the road Did you Story every few days. Oh, yeah. Just like, hey, no one's going anywhere. Yeah. Oh, yeah. When you traveled as a musician on the road, did you, you never drove? Yeah, I drove earlier on. I drove for the first two years of touring. And that would be from like eight hours at a time or overnight? It depends. or overnight? It depends. The worst I ever did was when we had to drive from Boulder, Colorado,

to Vancouver. Oh, wow. Yeah, and there was three of us, and the tour was going very badly. So the visuals guy got sent home, and the lead singer, Tom, hated the tour manager at the time, so he flew. So it was me and this tour manager who had to drive like 18 hours. Oh, wow.

Yeah, and then he got really stoned and then fell asleep. And so I had to do a lot of the driving. Yeah, and that's always fun. And you don't want to do that anymore. Yeah, right? That's behind you. Okay. Yeah, right? That's behind you. Okay. Yeah.

All right. That's not good for you. I mean, different strokes. Yeah. That's such an asshole move. Like, I'm just going to fly. You guys see there. It was.

And one thing I did while I was there is I golfed. Well, I didn't golf. I've never golfed before other than mini golf and some pitch and putt. Never driving range? I went to my first driving range. Fun. Because I, guys, I golf left-handed. But how do you drink your sodas?

I drink my sodas. Well, I use my right hand, but with Abby, we put our arms intertwined. Aw. Yeah. Every soda. And it's one of the advantages of being in a couple. Oh, every soda is a chore. And, but a few years ago, my dad saw these left-handed golf clubs at a garage sale.

And they were really nice, like $1,000 or whatever. And he got them for $80. Oh, nice. And everyone who saw me with them was like, is that a fancy brand? Yeah, is that a Flurgenstock? Yeah. And it absolutely is. Oh, with the plastic still on it, even though I've owned it for five years.

Wow. And so I went and it's, have you ever golfed? I pitch and putt it, but not golfed. I've pitch and putt it too. And I remember being decent. I'm not decent anymore. Yeah. I'm like hitting the ground with the,

I've never swung like one of those big wood. Right. With the big face on it. Yeah, yeah. And if you miss, you feel it in your shoulders. Yeah, you're hitting the ground with a lot of force. I used to golf a lot. I was never any good at it,

but we lived, our house backed onto a city-owned golf course. So you could just go around and knock balls around. Did you collect balls and put them in eggshells and sell them? Not the second part, but the, oh, like in an egg carton? Yeah, yeah. Not in eggshells. That would be very weird. Egg carton.

Bite into this, Rube. And the funny... So did you play a round of golf? No, I just went to a driving round. Okay. One day. Oh, and it was also so hot every day. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. It's so hot every night. Yeah, one day we went to a kangaroo farm. What? They're not local. No. There's a bunch of weird stuff like that out there. Because there was a crocodile place also that got shut down.

Yeah. Because they ate all the kangaroos. Oh, yeah. That makes sense. But we went to the kangaroo farm and it had like capybaras, which are giant guinea pig, the world's biggest rodent. Whoa. And it had sugar gliders these weird the the like flying

squirrel thing yeah yeah cool and emus and all this kind of exotic stuff and it was all the animals had like monopolized the shade they all knew where to where to lie in the shade so all the humans had to just roast in the sun and there was a half an hour lineup to hold a baby wallaby which i i didn't did margo go nuts for these animals no no that's why we didn't wait in line because we knew she didn't really care she was like whatever yeah yeah she's a little standoffish she would pet some of them but we had to you had to like reassure i guess if you'd never seen that's her first time seeing a kangaroo

I might have been my first time seeing a kangaroo it was definitely my first time seeing an alabino alabino? albino

wallaby I'm not even sure what a I'm trying to picture a wallaby they're very cute looking right? cute faces

they sound cute they have like claw figures oh it's usually pronounced wallaby oh yeah those i know i know what they are they're sort of small just smallish kangaroos kind of chubbier smaller kangaroos they're good okay but when we got back to the car it's at 36 degrees

it's like 98 degrees which is great band great band good. Nick Lachey. Rest in peace. Drew Lachey. And the third guy. Mike McArdle. Yeah, Mike McArdle. And I overheard this Parks guy going through one of the parks, fixing sprinklers or testing out sprinklers. And he said that the, uh, the,

the big vandalism that happens in Kelowna is at night. Kids go around with golf clubs, uh, knocking over sprinkler heads. Oh my God. And it just seems like the most waspy. Yeah. You need to own golf clubs to, to be a vandal.

Yeah. And, uh, I was just saying like sprink like, sprinkler maintenance in the summer, that's got to be the plumb job, right? Because then you always can set it up, testing it, and then run through it. Oh, yeah. Oops. It happened again. I wonder if those kids, like, cover the stop sign the stop sign in caviar so you can't see it.

Yeah, what are some classy pranks? Yeah, some classy pranks. Nicky Nicky Nine Door and then there's just a bottle of beautiful champagne sitting there instead of a bag of dog shit. You send your butler to go moon. To knock on someone's door and then their butler answers. Hello.

Do butlers know each other? Do they hang? Is there a butler bar? There's a union probably. There's probably a chat group for sure. But do you think in a place, say like Beverly Hills where many, many people would have butlers, do you think there a in a place say like beverly hills where many many people would have butlers do you think there's a hangout where butlers go oh like a butler dive yeah yeah probably that's probably very neat yeah unless unless butlers get crazy dirty in their off hours

you know what i mean they probably do like that you see their place that they live and it's just awful yeah yeah yeah yeah there's always something a bit on fire a cigarette yeah yeah cigarettes a bit on fire um so massive heat yeah and then one day uh the one of the first days uh this guy from next door came over and we didn't know him. And he just was like, hey, can my kids play with your kids? Because there's so many kids running around. And he came over at like two, sat down next to my dad, had a beer. And just, we kept walking around and going out and coming back.

And the guy was still there huh and have you ever seen that movie funny games yeah where those versions so scary have you seen it no it's about this sort of vacation house and these neighbor kids come over and they're they're just so polite about yeah about everything and they they seem to have really good manners, but they just won't leave. And then they eventually start beating people up and killing them. Yeah, yeah. Whoa. So did it feel like this guy was funny games-ing you?

Yeah, it felt like we were going to get funny games. Yeah. But there were so many of you, more of you than there were of him. Oh, certainly. Yeah. I think that's the thing. Ratios are very important in the Oh, certainly. Yeah. I think that's the thing. Ratios. Very important in the funny games universe.

Yeah. But that's, I'm going to. And then did he eventually leave or? He left and his two kids stayed and kept showing up at like odd hours and would go, you know, a three-year-old and a five-year-old would go swimming without any kind of water wings or life jacket. And we're like, are these kids our responsibility now to monitor their drowning? It's weird, too, because when you're a kid on a holiday, you're often just paired up with other kids yeah regardless of your mutual interests just like you guys are the same age go and then the kids like you know i i've got a stash of weird porn

and you're like oh great i only like a different kind i don't like weird kind yeah that's how you get those stories with when you're a kid you're like and then this weird kid did like showed me a knife and told me what the word masturbate meant and he said masturbate yeah that's what that's a real story you're like i don't know what that word means okay well we'll go home and look it up i got this knife um but yeah i don't i don't know that just seems to happen on holiday where it's just like kids go away together can I hide in the house

yeah oh the neighbor kids are coming over oh well I'm locking myself in the bathroom so what's your move mom yeah I'm gonna masturbate at my own yeah my own knife point.

Yeah, my own letter. Yeah. Mom, can you bring in the dictionary? I don't know what masturbate means. So then, was it a successful holiday overall? Of course. It was relaxationing. It was resting.

I rested in relaxation. Did you guys eat a big meal together every night? Yeah. That's nice. Too big a meal. Oh, yeah? Well, you're having to cook 18 hamburgers. Yeah.

And then realizing that the 10 kids just want hot dogs. Well, fine. You get the disc one, not the tube one. The meat. Yeah. Oh, yeah disc one, not the tube one. The meat. Yeah, oh yeah. Oh, for sure. Sorry. Did you see that cool spider?

Yeah. It's been just going down and up off of the ceiling. Graham's going to put it on the ground, over under my foot, and stomp. So yeah, good vacation. Yeah. I needed it. Yeah. You work hard for your money.

But I play hard. That's true. I don't like that condition that if you work hard, you have to play hard. Yeah, it's like. I'm too tired after working hard to play hard. But playing hard does usually have some kind of, you know, debaucherous connotation. Yeah, drug or something like that. Yeah.

We shut it down. Yeah, man. We shut it down. Yeah, man. We worked so hard and then... Then fuck. Fuck, man, now that's why I'm in jail. Masturbate at knife points. Then we all got our own knives. We played spin the knife.

Knife, I like that. And whoever you spin it at, you have to, whatever. People working kitchens say that. That's like a motto. You'd probably get that in Chinese characters. Work hard, play hard. With a knife. I was picturing

Wall Street types. But I don't think they work that hard. Also, the thing with tattoos and kitchen workers that's really become a a thing oh yeah like uh yeah if i see somebody who's like really tattooed yeah tattoos on the neck i'm like either tattoo shop or kitchen yeah it's the influence of Top Chef because they all. I think so. There's always a few like, you know.

Bad boy chefs. Yeah. Sleeves down to their fingers. Yeah. There's one. She appears on a lot of those cooking shows on the Food Network. She's a kind of squat lady with a bright blonde hair. And she has a tattoo on her neck of a pat of butter with wings

and it is i just don't know i don't know how any tattoo artist would agree yeah to do that uh like are you sure this is do they have to do some kind of uh hypochondriacs code or whatever it's called. Hippocratic code. Let's not shake hands. Hypochondriac oath. Do no harm. I don't know. There's some, I,

from what I gather, I don't have any tattoos, but I know that some tattoo artists will not tattoo certain areas, uh, like the face or the neck. And there's also some that will not tattoo swastikas. Or like swear words or things that it's like you're going through something. That would explain why all the swastika tattoos seem pretty homemade. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I think so. Yeah. Yeah. So anyways. You got any tats, bro? yeah yeah I think so yeah um yeah so anyways you got any tats bro I don't know

I'm clean man yeah my bod's pure yeah pure silky smooth I don't have any tattoos but

sometimes I think about getting a tattoo but I don't know why yeah I think about it too but then I think I think I could also not yeah all my tattoos are pretty fleeting ideas and I don't know why. Yeah, I think about it too, but then I think I could also not. Yeah. All my tattoos are pretty fleeting ideas and I don't really want to get a joke tattoo because

life's not a joke. What's the best idea you've had? The best idea I've had for a tattoo Like your million dollar tattoo idea. Whoa, million dollar tattoo idea. A tattoo's going to make you a million dollars. I'd probably shave my head and then get the map from Cutthroat Island tattooed on my head and then regrow my hair. That's a good idea.

Yeah, and then just kind of tell everyone that I have a map on my skull. I'm always worried about the getting... Say it's a treasure map and then people will keep trying to bald you. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. Do you have one bald you. Yeah. I don't know. Do you have one? No. No tattoos.

I just have veins tattooed so my muscles look bigger. Yeah. Smart. Just some shading. Yeah, exactly. I would get two guns tattooed on my hips, but then if you look closely, one's loaded with truth, and one's loaded with respect. Play hard.

Yeah, work hard and play hard. I think we were talking about those vape cubes a couple weeks ago. When I was looking up a picture to put on the blog, I saw that they make vape holsters. Yeah. For your hip? No. I'm a cowboy.

Cowboy. I can smell the vape from a mile away. What's going on with you, Graham? This past weekend, I was headlining at the comedy club in town, Comedy Mix. headlining at the comedy club in town, Comedy Mix, and it was, I mean, it could not have been more of a perfect storm of the wrong

weekend to headline. I've done that weekend too. Yeah, I know what you're gonna say. It's like, it's this weekend, and then kind of the weekend around Christmas are the two where it's like a ghost town. Because it's long weekend, fireworks on the Wednesday on the wednesday

and the saturday and then it was a pride and so people were either out of town going crazy for pride or uh completely blocking every single street for fireworks yeah so the thursday was fine friday was uh was good actually like surprisingly but then saturday the late show all-time record for least number of attendees oh how many 30 okay i've done fewer at that club oh okay when it was the comedy mix or what it was okay i'll tell you when what weekend uh the uh opening night of the olympics oh yeah i believe it was uh fair enough six people maybe i'm surprised there were six three tables um yeah so this is the record since uh since that night yeah well since the the guy who's managed it he was like he's like the previous record was 42, and it was this night last year when I started.

Oh, wow. And you know what? The good thing was, every jerk that would have gone to the comedy show was at the fireworks. Yeah. So it was all 100% people who wanted to see a show. And every prideful gay person that would have been there. Sure. They were at the parade.

They were at the parade or getting ready, getting to bed early so they could get up early for the parade to get seats, I guess. I don't know. Well, because all the floats

in the parade are, they're, they're like corporations. Yeah. It's like credit unions and TV stations

have floats. I don't know if the uh i wonder what they were because the pride parade's been around for a long time i wonder what the floats used to be it used to be because i know that they were talking a lot about the story in aaron reed oh yes i love i love a slow walk um the i know that it used to be a lot more grassroots and was kind of like an anti-capitalist or not like specifically anti-capitalist but it wasn't. It was real pussy riot. Yeah, it was real. That's where that expression comes from.

Yeah. So then on the night. Did you go to the parade? No, I don't like parades. Everybody loves a parade. No, no, not this guy. I find if you're down on street level incredibly claustrophobic yeah and uh i also like unless it's something where there's the craziest floats

like if it's just a float of td bank yeah you're like well i don't need to be advertised to for an hour i don't know so i don't i don't because i grew up in calgary had to go see the stampede parade every year that freaked me out with all those gay horses yeah you better believe it um and then uh so on the saturday night fireworks night like the whole city they they had to like the city had to put out warnings like don't come downtown. Yeah, normally they close off the streets to cars. They actually had to close off the streets to pedestrians. Yeah, because it was so, yeah, because it was, the last night was USA with Walt Disney,

like Disney had put together the fireworks show. So it was apparently like the fireworks show to end all fireworks. Wow. Oh, if only. Yeah, exactly. But coming out of the club, because I thought, okay, fireworks are at 10.30, show's over at around midnight,

I'll hang out at the club for an extra half an hour, 12.30, two hours. Two hours to clear out. Yeah, I think that at least it'll be the tail end. I walk out. It's like a population of a whole city has just been plunked into Vancouver in addition to the regular

population. Yeah. Cars are just sitting on the street. You can't get a cab. And I saw people throw themselves into traffic trying to get a cab that did not have their light on. So there were people very drunk. Yeah. And a couple nights before, on Thursday night, I saw something I've never seen before in relation to a drunk person. I went for a drink after the show.

in relation to a drunk person. I went for a drink after the show and as I was walking out of the bathroom, I could hear a woman reassuring her friend, like, it's okay. This happens to everybody sometimes. And you could hear her throwing up. And I was like, why aren't they in the bathroom doing this?

And she was holding her kind of like how you would hold a dog when you're like lowering it into a bath. Like she was holding her kind of like how you would hold a dog when you're like uh lowering it into a bath like she was holding her horizontally over a garbage can oh so this was one very big friend and then a very small friend that's amazing yeah i've never seen that before but it was it was kind of olympic yeah in the way the visual for that is amazing yeah so my dog throws up sometimes and i won't hold him. Hold him like that.

He knows where to do it. Yeah, that's true. And then I'll go eat some grass. I should have gotten this girl some grass. Yeah, sure. This helps dogs sometimes. Yeah. And you're puking in a garbage can, so you're not that far away.

So, yeah, it was just a weird, you know, weird weekend to have to be downtown yeah and i'm like i don't know they say like these fireworks are good for businesses and i'm like what which ones again yeah the businesses that are open that like even if they're open like they're not good for the people's psyches who are working there because there's someone going to be like hi i need chips get me some chat i think a lot of businesses then just become like public toilets yeah public toilets and like mini counseling like a cashier becomes a mini counselor have you seen my friends oh my god we got a big fight oh yeah your friend was just here counselor. Have you seen my friend? Oh my god. We had a big fight. Oh yeah, your friend was just here. Threw up.

Cookies by George. Yeah, you should reconnect with them. So anyways, that was my weekend avoiding, didn't get to see any of the fireworks, but got to deal with all the fallout. That's the best way. Could not find a cab until quarter to two in the morning.

So I was just wandering downtown. You could have walked home in that time. Yeah, but you know, you keep thinking, well, if I just go one more block this way, for sure I'll catch a cab. And then you're like, yeah, I could have walked home. But could I have? Hard to say. Yeah.

You know what? You should have brought your blades. Yeah, you know, I always regret. That's what they should set up during the fire where some sort of blade rental. Yeah. Roller. Absolutely. Not stab.

I don't think anybody got stabbed this year. All right. I didn't hear about it. Yeah. Maybe somebody got stabbed and they're like, don't you tell anybody. Sorry, I was

masturbating at knife point and things got carried away. I was doing it wrong. Do we want to move on to

overheard? Sure. Going into a bullseye interview, I know that it's somebody who does amazing work. I don't know what's going to happen.

Oh, that's interesting. I never thought about that. Is that possible? That's possible. Yeah. Should I check with your therapist? No, but I will be. Who are you, dude?

You all over the place. I got a lot of respect for you, man. That's dope. Bullseye. Creators you know. Creators you need to know. Find it at MaximumFun.org or wherever you get podcasts. I'm Hal Lublin. I'm Danielle Radford.

I am Michael Eagle. And we are the hosts of Tights and Fights, Maximum Fun's newest podcast dedicated to all things wrestling. We'll be talking about Sasha Banks, The Women's Revolution, Sasha Banks, The Brand Split, and Sasha Banks' wigs. And we'll also be talking about wrestler fashion. Some wrestlers wear too many clothes. Some wrestlers don't wear enough clothes at all. And I'll be doing

impressions of all your favorite wrestlers. New episodes Thursdays on Maximum Fun, or wherever you get your podcasts. Oh yeah, dig it. Dice and Bites. Podcast. Dice and Bites.

Overheard. Overheard. A segment in which we hear the things, see the things, and report the things back here. Now, we always like to start with the guests. Oh, okay. Yeah? Are you up to it? I'm up to it.

I'm up to the challenge. I was thinking last night, and I have one. Yeah, this actually happened yesterday. I was just eating Indian food at the All India Sweets. Where's that? Down on 48th and Main. Okay. Yeah.

Is that good? It's great. Oh, it that good it's great oh it's really yeah it's like 10.95 for the vegetarian buffet what's the what's the is that the best indian in town i think it's the best cheapest indian in town yeah there's a place uh on fraser that i'm pretty fond of is that the one way deep by the liquor store store? No, it's right next to the church's chicken. Oh. There's samosas there. They're nuts? I think they're the best.

Okay, I gotta go there. Okay, cool. Anyways. Were you eating? Yeah, I was eating and then I think it's like a hubbub for Langara students to go to. You always see like Langara students because the school's right there. Yeah. And there's just two women and a guy sitting at the table near me and they

were kind of like i don't know they were like tech nerds or something like that they were talking about pokemon a lot um which i hated and they were also talking about um one of their friends got married and the guy went to the bachelor party of their mutual friend and then he was like yeah you know i spent uh spent a lot of money on like gifts in the bachelor party of their mutual friend and then he was like yeah you know i spent uh spent a lot of money on like gifts in the bachelor party and then they were like what'd you get him for like a gift he's like oh i got this and he's kind of embarrassed he was like i got this sex football and then they're like what sex football and then he was clearly it was trying to be like a cool like progressive guy and was

like kind of embarrassed that he bought this very atypical like bachelor party gift he's like yeah it's like this football that's like kind of like a flashlight that you could like have sex with it but it's not like something you would use you know and they were like yeah i guess he's like where did you get it and he has like spencer's gifts yeah but again it's not like you don't actually have it's like a funny thing you don't have sex with it until you do until yeah but it's one of those things where it's like clearly it's a gift where even in giving the gift he was like it's fucking sex football like you have sex with it you like you won't right you won't though right he's like yeah for sure that would be so weird unless like i get real weird one night and anyways i gotta go you hear

him upstairs i mean i wouldn't have sex with it not at knife point you just hear him, touchdown. Oh, interception. What? How did you get in here? Too many interceptions. He can't actually complete masturbating. I love the idea of just how it was invented. The sex football? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Somebody was tossing around the football with their son. Or somebody, you know, got a football in the crotch and was like, you know what? It felt good. Yeah, it didn't feel as bad as it should have. It felt a little good. Or they found the sketchbook of a total madman in the park and they opened it up and the first thing was sex football. It's got like nipples on each end.

Got a tiny football head with a little football hair. Got a tiny football head with a little football hair. It drives around in a soccer ball car. Mad man or genius. That's probably what Tom Brady was doing at the flight gate. I'm good at reference. Yeah, very good. Dave, do you have an overheard guys do you know that aaron rogers

doesn't get along with his brother from the bachelorette this is a very hot topic i don't know anything about the bachelorette have not seen it in many many i saw it the year that the lady from vancouver was on all right that's the last jillian something yeah um here's what's going on with me overheard wise. Uh, this is from when I was in Toronto, when we flew to Toronto at the end of June. Uh, there was a mother and two, like I'd say 10 and 12 year olds. That's where you keep your hands. Yeah. 10 and 12. 10 and 12 10 and 12 Sitting behind me

And they were gonna They were discussing that they were gonna get on another flight Afterwards To go to Paris And so Toronto was just The middle stop And they were talking about the things they wanted to do When they got to Paris

And the little girl She said that she wanted to go to Claire's Accessories. And her brother was like, why do you want to go to Claire's? And she said, I want to see what it's like in Paris. There's a sale. It might still be on. Parisian style.

Yeah. I do like... Get my... Mes oreilles percées. There is something nice about going to a store and seeing how different it is. Or how exactly the same it is. Yeah. Yeah.

Like, you know, I've been into McDonald's in different European countries just to see. You know. Oh, it's a pay toilet here. Ooh la la. Yeah. Is Claire's... I didn't know Claire's was international. I guess so. It's a French name. Yeah. It means clear.

Claire. Claire. Claire. Claire. Claire. Do you... Claire Claire Claire Um Do you Uh

Boy I don't even want to go to a Claire's here Not even sure Sorry guys Sure What they Little jewelry Little jewelry Yeah

You could get a bracelet Get earrings Ear pierced Ear pierced Get a snap bracelet You could get a What would Jesus do bracelet Oh yeah

You could get a Could you get a belt buckle No No You could probably get brass You You get a what would Jesus do bracelet. Oh, yeah. You get a bell buckle. No, no. You probably get a necklace. Yeah. Oh, you could probably. Yeah. That's merchandise.

Is there Claire's? You know how there's some stores in the mall that's like it's a half of it is build a bear workshop and the half of it is something else. Oh, yeah. I know. They get Claire's and an American girl. No, I think it's a Claire's KFC. You can get your chicken pierced.

Yeah, that's probably how they practice. Punk chicken. I wonder how they, do they, I'm sure they don't practice at all. But like tattoo artists they'll do work on their own knees. Or they'll do...

It's not knees. Thighs. Or they'll do it on pigskin. Yeah. Do you... I love throwing around the old pigskin. Sure, I fucked mine. Gave me an idea for a great product.

I didn't have a bachelor party. I've been to a couple, but I don't know that there's gifts exchanged. Yeah, you get something nice from Spencer's, Claire's. I don't think there are gifts, although the novelty sex doll

or something, that's customary. And there's also the making him dress up. Putting makeup on him. Dressing him in a ball gown. A sex football seems too sincere, though, making him dress up, putting makeup on him. Oh, yeah, dress him in a ball gown. Yeah. A sex football seems too sincere, though, because it's like, yeah, it looks like a football, so no one will ever know, and then you can have sex with it when you're... When you're old and gray.

When you're old and gray. It just seems so too specific. Sure, yeah. I want a sex football phone, because I subscribe to Playboy and Sports Illustrated. I remember, like, years and years ago, I did a show in this town called Blackpool in England. England. And it's...

It's the hag party. Is that what they call them? Hand party. I think it's hag party. The capital of England. Yeah, and i remember there was a guy at because we were walking back at you know four in the morning like or five even maybe the sun was coming up and there was a guy that had been duct taped to a lamppost and abandoned right and he was pretty cheerful about things but even the local cops must have seen him at some point.

And we're like, we'll get to it. Get to it when we get to it. And of course, over there, sex football is sex soccer. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's right. Do you have an overheard? Not really. I'll try to go back into the old archives to a bit of graffiti that I saw.

Like, I want to say two years ago. It was just a scribble on a door, but it was very, I was like, yeah, okay, that's fine. It just said, my wife loves cock. Oh, that's good. I mean, as long as she has access to one. Yeah. It's great. Sure.

It's fine. It was very specific. Is he okay with it? Like, does it have to be his? I guess it doesn't say. No. But, you know, maybe he was just working through it for himself. Yeah.

Like, maybe, or, you know, who knows? Who knows? Who knows who wrote it? But I think it's good that she's decided that. Mm-hmm. And hopefully she's allowed, given permission to spread the word around town. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, by the way, let your friends, let everyone know I love cock. Let all your bathroom pals know. This was a really good talk we had. I'm glad we got through this. Yeah. Because I was tired of you saying that my wife is okay with cock. no this was a really good talk we did we had i'm glad we got got through this yeah because i was tired of you saying that my wife is okay with cock that's what i refer to as the talk yeah the cock talk hey is it cool if i start uh anonymously letting people know

uh that you're into genitals there's one specific type of genital because it didn't say it didn't say the other right we don't know what her stance on the other is there's a lot there's more than the other there's like so many types yeah there's the other the brother from another mother yeah is there do testicles count as a second genital a separate genital uh i don't think so because when you say my genitals do you mean well because it's plural yeah that's true like pants is plural uh-huh like you can't have a pant yeah unless you're florence griffith joiner even what's that florence griffith joiner flojo i don't know she would run she was a fancy, famous running woman with long nails. And she would wear one legging.

Oh, like in the race? Yeah. Oh, cool. So just one leotard down one leg. So she would wear a pant. Yeah, she could wear one pant. One pant. I like it. It's kind of like Wayne Gretzky with the tuck.

So I guess the pant is just one of the legs. Yeah. Yeah. Because a pair of pants is two legs. So I guess the pant is just one of the legs. Yeah. Yeah. Because a pair of pants is two legs. So you're right. Maybe the scrotum and friends is a separate genital. Oh man.

Sunday morning, my favorite show, scrotum and friends. Yeah, it's a little religious. Now we also have overheard sent in to us from people around the world. If you want to send one in to us You can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org And this first one

Comes from Matt R Uh huh Oh wait a minute Wait a minute I may goof this up I did Forget it

The first one comes from Anonymous d okay uh this is a man talking to uh another man man where'd you get that tattoo other man i found it in a dream it's the grim reaper playing golf i fucking love golf oh my no that's a million dollar tattoo idea yeah there you go um yeah uh this is everything we've been talking about yeah dreams tattoos golf golf yeah oh man um i uh my nephews had some Paw Patrol tattoos. Okay. Like rub on or, you know,

what's Paw Patrol? Paw Patrol is a bunch of dogs who are in, they help rescue things. There's one named, one is a, one's a football dog. One's a police dog. One's a fire dog. One's a helicopter dog.

Sky. Yeah. His helicopter dog. Are they melded with the helicopter? No, the she. Sorry. Shame on you. I said they. I said they, man.

Back off. She, I believe she rides one. But, yeah, anyway, I tried. They had these tattoos and they lasted for days oh yeah i was expecting it to rub off after a day i it was uh uh when it was this dog that was like punching in the air and i made a punch in my nipple that's great that's the kind of thing you get to do on holiday rub on tattoos. Grow just a mustache. I did them all.

I did all those things. Get that weird tan where there's just like the scoop of the t-shirts. Oh boy, I was unbuttoning my shirt to show you, but I really got quite a farmer tan.

Yeah. Nice. I can't. It would involve taking off my whole shirt, unbuttoning everything to show you, so no.

Next time we're at the pool. Deal. This next overheard. And it's, I only sent two because my computer fucked up this morning. So, it's all, everything's atrocious. But this is from Lisa. This is overheard while hiking. Two brothers, six and 12 years years old were walking the opposite direction

on the trail older brother that's not a talent younger brother are you sure dropping things older bro no it's not younger bro then why am i so good at dropping things i mean that's a good one if lip syncing is a talent then drop yeah it's true it's like you see like you know something on America's Got Talent where the guy's like juggling and it's on fire and stuff and then there's also

a show where people just lip sync to a song and it's equal like equal entertainment value I mean but the ratings for the lip syncing are way higher it's equal, like, equal entertainment value. Oh, I mean, but the ratings for the lip-syncing are way higher. It's crazy. That show is literally a waste of your time. Like, there is nothing greater than it's...

Oh, it makes me so upset. As people who... As someone who creates art. I can imagine it is. They're like, wait, they're not. They're just playing this. Oh, I could. Did any of the people who wrote know?

Is there any? No. No. He has a mild. They have a mild costume on, but it doesn't look like they tried too hard. Well, on the show, they go all out, don't they? I've only seen one episode of it. Joseph Gordon-Leordon liver goes crazy and it seems like the big the big hilarious conceit is if a guy comes out lip-syncing to

a woman's voice and dress just like a woman which is like so old-timey like it's like yeah yeah like where we've gone at least he had a huge dick. What's your excuse? Oh, man. I think that is one of my favorite things that... Is Milton Berle well-endowed? Yeah. It's kind of the thing that people know about him. In a hundred years, no one will remember a single joke of his, but they will remember his enormous penis.

You've heard this story. Is it the SNL story? Just taking out enough to win? Yeah. That he doesn't want to show out enough to win? Yeah. That he doesn't want to show his penis to somebody. Right. And somebody says, come on, Miltie, just take out enough to win?

Like, just in a penis comparison? Or, no, the guy's like, I've got a big one. Can I compare? And he's like, I'm only going to take out enough to win. Whoa. Yeah. Oh, man. But you know what? He seems he acted his entire career as if he was a man who had a giant

penis like he just seemed like he was a pretty entitled dude yeah and stole people's jokes and just walked around like he like like he had a huge cock yeah i don't know i don't know what else to say you know i'm really glad for bless i feel blessed feel blessed for, is that I'm, I'm out of, you're out of high school and elementary school and you're past the age where any of that shit matters, you know? You know, like, like when I look at myself naked, I'm like, that's what I got. Yeah. And then I throw on my overcoat and walk out the door.

But there's also people that put, they go buy pills online and a thing, a suction device. Or surgery. Yeah. In addition to overheards that are written in, we'll also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844- SPYPOD1 That's one. Ugh.

SpyPod 1. Like these people have. Hello, Dave and Graham, impossible guests. This is Abby calling from Richmond, Virginia with an overheard. It was two middle-aged women at a cubicle nearby. They were talking about Pokemon Go. And one of the women in her charming southern accent just said, Who are they paying to put these Pokemon everywhere?

How adorable! Having said that, or I guess I didn't say anything, I don't know how it works. I don't know how the Pokemon get placed places. Oh, it's just, I'm sure it's a computer program that just does it. I think you can send out bait for them. Yeah, and you go to the gyms to practice your capturing skills. And I know that we live near a...

Pokestop. Pokestop, and so Abby can recharge her Pokemon without leaving the house. I don't like them. I don't like that they're round. I don't like that they're round. Pokemons. I didn't like them when they came out. One of my roommates might be a Pokemon

because I don't even see some of them I don't ever even see. You get them to pay rent. Well, only if you can catch them. Well, you have to. It's imperative. I don't ever even see. You get them to pay rent. No, well, only if you can catch them. Well, you have to. It's imperative. Oh, yeah. I don't like that they're around and I can't see them.

Yeah. There could be one on my shoulder. Yeah. It's a nightmare for people with any sort of, maybe they could have some hallucinations. It's like, now there's a thing where... Everybody's cashing in on hallucinations. Yeah, 50 yearsinations. It's like, now there's a thing where everybody, everybody's cashing in on. Yeah.

50 years ago, if you were like, I have to look through my phone to see, so I could see the little men. They'd be like, yo, you're a witch. Oh,

okay. Um, here's your straight jacket, Mr. Houdini. Put it on yourself. Uh, here's your next phone call.

Hey guys, this is Dave from Maryland with a, uh, an overheard for you. My wife and I were in a restaurant the other day and there was a family at the table next to us, kind of an unorthodox family. The dad, a guy in his 40s, had about a six to eight inch tall pompadour hairdo colored blue. The whole family was of that ilk except for a teenage son who looked decidedly normal compared to the rest of them and what i overheard was the dad saying to his very normal looking son

well here's the deal i found you a vest like mine the only difference is it's going to have snaps instead of the buffalo nickel buttons so uh you So the teenager was not as excited about that as I would have been. Yeah, so this was the kid, this is how he's rebelling. By not wearing a vest and pomodoro. Not being like a new wave rockabilly kid. He's learning Excel. He's staying up late, late learning excel yeah we go out every sunday morning to the church of reverend horton heat i was really hoping that there was gonna be a

reverend horton heat oh there's gotta be uh that's the only rockabilly thing i know oh that wolf the the wolf whistle wolf isn't he Tattoo amongst your rockabilly folks? Yeah. Is there a big Japanese rockabilly population? Oh, yeah. Do they wear crazy boots? There was like a crazy trend in Mexico with the super long pointed. Cool.

Have you ever seen the pictures of them? No. They're the craziest shoes. Wow. Oh, yeah seen the pictures of them? No. They're the craziest shoes. Whoa. Oh, yeah. And they're not even shoes. Well, they're boots. Yeah, they're boots, but they have like a point that goes like eight or nine inches.

When you're explaining that to me, the only thing I could imagine for some reason was that would be a sweet thing to do a tech deck on. You know those little finger skateboards? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Finger skateboard on the tip of that? Woo! That sounds very fun. Yeah, you are correct. Correct tech deck. Here's your next phone call. Final phone call. Hi, Dave, Graham,

and possible guests. This is Tom from New Jersey. I'm calling with an overheard. So I was at the pet store buying food for my dog, and I was in a long line. And the line was long because the guy at the register was very chatty with every customer, and he was giving helpful advice to people and everything. But then I got close enough to hear what he was saying to some of them, and I heard a long conversation about a snake named Zeus.

Good snake name, I guess. And it ended with this line from the cashier guy as the customer was trying to leave he said, listen if you ever need somebody to talk reptiles I'm just getting back in the snake game after a seven year hiatus that I took to be a pro BMXer

and I thought, there's just so much in that there is so much first of all, if the snake gets loose you could say zeus is loose first of all first and foremost um i thought it was gonna be i thought it was gonna be bmx related no uh i mean it's just like what is the you know the venn diagram between bmx pro bmxers and reptile owners i mean it's awesome yeah where it overlaps it's totally rad

and then there's probably some sort of fatality statistic sure oh yeah all kind of snake wrangling bmx riders have died young very small circle of a snake riding a BMX. Oh, yeah. When you get to heaven, there's a bunch of famous musicians who died at age 27 and a bunch of BMX and snake handlers who died at 19. That's who's in the crowd at the nightly rock shows they put on. The 27 Club? Yeah. I love that heaven has nightly rock shows.

Of course, it's heaven. Yeah, that's so nice. But it is also weird because I don't know that all the people in the 27 Club would gel musically. Yeah, no. Well, of course they would. You think? Jim Morrison, lead singer. Kurt Cobain, lead singer.

Jimi Hendrix, lead guitar. Some vocal. Janis Joplin, lead singer. It'd be a choir. Joplin, lead singer. It'd be a choir. Amy Winehouse, lead singer. I think that's about it. What song would they play? Rehab.

Very quick answer. Well, that brings us to the end of the show. Aaron, this episode comes out... I looked at a calendar that's not there. It's a Pokemon calendar. Let's say the second week of August. I hate to make a Pokemon joke. Oh wait, no. Third week of August.

Summer's almost over. Let's call it the 15th of August. Do you have anything coming up towards the end of August or the beginning of September? I think just the Sunday service. Sure. Which is every Sunday.

Try not to yawn through your plug. Yeah. Sunday service every Sunday at 9 p.m. at the Fox Cabaret. I will also plug the fact that we did a song with Aaron. Yeah. Episode 4 of did a song with Aaron. Yeah. Episode four of our debut album features Aaron. I'd say it's as good an episode as we've done. Oh, it was great.

Yeah. And such a fun song. I also want to plug something for you. Not really for you. Friend of the show, Paul F. Tompkins, did an episode of his podcast, Spontaneanation, with all the crew from the show, Paul F. Tompkins, did an episode of his podcast, Spontaneanation, with all the crew from the Sunday service. Yeah, that was so much fun. And it just came out like yesterday.

Yeah. Or two days ago. But yeah. Hard time. Hard time. Yeah. Sure. Spontaneanation. That's right.

And yeah, that episode's up there, so go check that out. You tell a lovely story about having your sister crack your back oh yeah step on my back yeah and then also I guess

blind if you live in Vancouver and you want to learn how to do improv like blindtigercomedy.ca you can learn improv from this guy

yeah we run a school out here so go sign up so we can have money. Yeah, have more money. Speaking of other podcasts, I was a guest recently on a show called Steel Boots Required. Oh, yeah. And it's a show hosted by James Kennedy, past guest Ryan Williams, and a gentleman named Stephan McNeil.

It's all talk about the labor jobs that we've all had in the past. No retail nightmares allowed. Yeah, no. This is some different thing. So as a guest on that, you can check that out. And I was a guest on a podcast Called Dad Feelings Where we talk about

Fictional dads And on my episode I talked about Frank Costanza Oh great One of the best I'm also still in this competition For a serious Satellite something You know just go

and vote for somebody. That's all I ask. Yeah, grok the vote. Yeah, grok the vote. We're good at plugs. So many things to plug. Stick around for the plug. October 7th, come see us in Edmonton at the Up and Downtown Festival.

Live Stop Podcasting Yourself. October 8th, come see us in Saskatoon. Live Stop Podcasting Yourself. And October 22nd, come see us in Victoria, British Columbia. Live Stop Podcasting Yourself. That is some good. And then October 31st, go Halloween. Have fun on Halloween.

And be safe. But be spooky and be safe. Be spooky but be safe. The two S's. Yeah, spooky, safe. But be spooky and be safe. Be spooky but be safe. The two S's. Yeah. Spooky, safe. Be sexy. Only wear a costume

that has a reflective vest. Yeah. Yeah. Be a traffic controller. Traffic flagger. Or a strobe light. Yeah. Yeah, be a strobe light.

And if you like the podcast, head over to MaximumFun.org. Check out the blog Recap Pictures and Videos relating to the content of this episode. Golf came up for sure.

Tech deck. And those Mexican boots. Yeah, those Mexican boots, they're going to blow your mind. And if you like the show, please tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Maximumfun.org.

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