Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 442 - D.J. Demers

Episode Date: September 5, 2016

Comedian D.J. Demers returns to talk about DJs, America's Got Talent, and his love for John Mayer.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 442 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's got a system when it comes to buttoning his shirt, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, it failed me today. When you button your shirt, do you top button first or bottom button first? I go random. I randomize every time.

Really? Really? Really? No. I think I probably go top down. What do you do? Bottom up? I do top. First I do the top one. Yeah. Then I do the bottom one.

And then I just play in the middle. When you say you play in the middle, there's no system after that. It's anarchy after the top and bottom one. It's like, yeah, one right in the middle, one a little lower, one right a little above. And then Bob's your uncle. What's your system, genius? I go top down. Top down?

Yeah. And that genius you're hearing is our guest today, very funny comedian, Mr. DJ Demers is with us. What's up? Hello. Top down, always top down? Top down, chrome spinning. Oh boy, let's get to know us. Get to know us.

I'm a hip hop aficionado. I don't know if you guys knew that. I knew that, yeah. I checked out your Wikipedia. I just know you as a DJ. We discovered today when you showed up that you have a tattoo of a turntable on your back. That's correct, yeah. That's as a joke.

As a joke, yeah. Right when I started to stand up, I was like, my name's DJ. This is funny. Those two things are enough for this huge turntable on my back that I will never regret. That's for sure. If anything, you should get a second one. Of course. A DJ needs more than one turntable.

Oh, that's true. That's true. Or maybe I'll just get an iPad or something like the new DJ. That yeah just get uh whatever i don't have to look at it it's on my back so i forget i have it sometime just google whatever girl talk uses for a software oh yeah yeah he's still probably a laptop but things are going to change you know oh? Oh, yeah, but what program is it? Oh, yeah, what you're going to tattoo on, like, the interface. Yeah, sure. Cool. Very cool.

I do sometimes have, like, daydreams about getting, like, a crazy full back tattoo just to, like, take off my shirt at the beach one time and blow people's minds. But that's about the only reason like the basketball player kevin durant he's got a full chest tattoo but he's always tried to like maintain his marketability as an nba star so he always he never had sleeves or anything so people would be surprised when they saw him in the dressing room like oh my god kevin durant has full tattoos now he's starting to get them on his arms and everything but i always thought that was funny just like i want to have tattoos but i also want people to think i don't yeah especially in today's nba nobody cares yeah you have yeah everyone has them

yeah so uh yeah i'd also love to do this like i wanted to get a full sleeve tattoo for a while really yeah and then i just like it was like i don't know man like then i get on stage and now i'm a guy with a sleeve tattoo. Yeah. You gotta use some, you gotta use certain types of words. You gotta be outrageous. So you gotta be no holds barred.

Yeah. No. Yeah. The thing about a sleeve tattoo is it's got multiple imageries. So you have to have, you have to believe in a number of things. Like it's rarely, rarely just like, I have no tattoos, but I want to start with my entire arm.

It'd be cool to just get a whole bunch of turntables all kind of melded together. Sure. Different eras of turntables. Not bad. Or different DJs. Famous DJs. Yeah, that's pretty good. You're like a Mount Rushmore of DJs.

Who would be on the Mount Rushmore of DJs? Oh, you got it. DJ Jazzy Jeff. Oh, of course. Diplo. What was the guy's name in the Beastie Boys again? Mixmaster Mike. Mixmaster Mike.

Yeah, Mixmaster Mike would probably be on there. I think they had a few. I think they rotated out. Oh, did they? So to speak. I only knew Mixmaster Mike. And then what's i don't know who else would be on dmc what was who's the dj and run dmc

jam master jay was jam master jay the dj i don't know i'm surprised how few djs i know the names of isn't there like a famous uh uh uh brian eno's not a dj no no tiesto tiesto sure yeah skrillex skrillex yeah lcd sound system nope he's kind of a dj isn't james murphy no what about girl talk girl talk sure um but do dj still do the scratching or is it just just... Oh, like the Kid Koala type? Yeah. Kid Koala's one? Yep, absolutely.

Because that's the type of DJing I quite enjoyed it. Yeah. Because it was like, let's see what weird thing I can make. Yeah. But this... Mask up a few things. I guess they're still doing that. It's just not as analog, not as tactile.

Yeah. And I think a lot of of those guys they probably already have like they're not making this song on the fly at these concerts no surely they're just playing the track and like waving their hands yeah yeah it's all the exact same from what i hear i don't go to these things but it's like 30 seconds of some weird slightly ominous ambient kind of music and then the beat drops and then nobody gives a shit about anything because they're all high hey uh how does a dubstep baby cry how um did you see the entourage movie no No. You saw it, right?

And there was the kind of main guy, whatever his name is. Adrian Gremier. Vince. Vince. Vince. Vince stars in a movie where he plays like, it's like a play on Jekyll and Hyde, but he's a DJ. Oh my.

And. But they actually made a real movie about a DJ, Zac Efron. Zac Efron. Oh yeah.. But they actually made a real movie about a DJ, Zac Efron. Was that Zac Efron? Oh, yeah. We are your friends. That's going to be the DJ movie. But it bombed. Oh, yeah. I mean, all these movies, you know.

What about It's All Gone, Petey Tongue? You ever see that? Pete Tongue, yeah. Pete Tongue, yeah. Yeah, I haven't seen it. Is it the same guy who made Foo Bar? I'm not sure. I know Mike Wilmott's in it.

That's pretty cool to see. Yeah, it's about a DJ. But that's pretty relevant to me, too, because a DJ loses his hearing. Oh, do you... And he still tries to DJ. Do you have hearing issues? I don't like to talk about them very much.

Now, very recently, you were on America's Got Talent. That's right. Are you so tired of talking about it? Nah, no, not really. Did you win? No, I did not. I got booted off a couple weeks ago.

I guess when this finally is released, it'll be a couple months ago, a month and a half ago. But now, when was it in real time? Or was it ever in real time? No, it was never. I got booted off the last round that's pre-taped, and then it goes to the live round.

I was never in any of the live rounds. I did two, and then I got kicked off in my second round. Now, Graham was really excited to talk about this. He said it's his favorite show. It's my favorite. The prelim rounds of that show is my favorite. Except this year was...

It was more... what would you say, kind of like when they're pulling the heart strings. It was more like, let's follow, let's go back to this person's hometown and see them instead of just seeing a string of freaky acts. Did they do that with you? Yeah, they didn't actually go to my hometown, but they set it up like

we were in my hometown but no they definitely had the strings playing during my intro yeah when i was a young boy but i mean it's it's so funny because you're totally at their mercy with how they want to edit you so the first episode they gave me like four and a half minutes of airtime, told my backstory, like made my set look like I was a rock star. And then the second show, I actually had a better set. I got a standing ovation at the end of it. Whoa. Really? Yeah.

Wow. And they didn't show that. They only showed my first joke. And the second they showed me, it was like the music that indicates this person's about to bomb and then and then i like finished my joke and they just kind of showed me smiling as if i was kind of smiling through the bomb and uh and then they were like yeah no didn't like it as much and then i was done they gave me like 25 seconds maybe which is fine because i i taped it a month earlier so i already knew i was right yeah yeah but yeah when i saw how they edited it i was like like, oh man,

they really, because the first episode. Did you see your standing ovation being used for somebody else's act? I actually didn't watch anything other than my own. Who are the hosts at the moment? The judges?

Sorry, the host is Nick Cannon, of course. He's magnetic. I want to see his reaction in the middle of people's sets. Yeah. On the side stage. Whoa!

Was not expecting that. This guy's funny, man. Do you see that? Who are the judges? Simon Cowell. Oh, wow. Yeah. What's he like?

Do you spend a lot of time with him? Yeah, you know, we went out for coffee and then... No, I only talked to him, obviously, in the context of my performance. That's the... You never get to see the judges outside of that? Nah. Oh. No, it was Mel B, Heidi...

So, Scary Spice? Scary Spice, who I love. Oh, yeah. I'm just going to say it. She's my favorite Spice girl. She was my first... Not me. I'm scared of her. I'm just going to say it. She's my favorite Spice girl. She was my first. Not me. I'm scared of her.

I'm ginger of one of them. No, I loved Scary. She was nice. She was my first non-white crush when I was a kid. Oh. My first ethnic crush. Can I say that? Yeah, first ethnic crush.

Hmm. No, it was my first ethnic crush. Hmm. Tony Danza. The woman from the Thriller video. When she was zombified? No, no, she never gets zombified. Oh, no, that's right.

She gets scared. Yeah. But Simon was really nice during my first audition. That was what surprised me. Oh, okay. And then the second one. Is Howie Mandel still there yeah yeah howie he was cool yeah i didn't get to talk to him too much he's had such a crazy long career yeah and you know what a couple comics you know But like when they show the people backstage

and I don't know if this is all a setup but is it are you backstage with like tons of people all pacing and they edit it together to make it seem like so for example the first episode they had a comedian right before me who bombed hard.

Oh, really? And then I go right after him. And, you know, I'm a god. Right. The way they edited it. Oh, that's right. I remember that. Yeah.

He was actually, he taped his set two days before me. So, technically, it did go up before you. Yeah. But I actually went out. He bombed so hard they couldn't have anyone on for two days. But he, like, because I became friends with him. His is danny palumbo he's from austin texas really nice guy uh he i had drinks with him that night after his performance and he was like it was the weirdest thing like i walked out there and the second i started telling jokes people started

booing and he he was convinced and i i have to agree just seeing the machinations at work that uh they probably told the audience to boo this guy oh wow he's not he's good enough to like he was he was at new faces at just your last this year like he's a great comic right and so he's not that bad you're not gonna boo him right away or maybe they have people in the audience that are like we're gonna boo this guy so they just start booing and everybody's like yeah yeah and then so they you know spliced it together to make it look like i was like watching him backstage getting nervous and then i just went out and you know that is exactly how they cut it together yeah wow and then like this year in past seasons they didn't have this but this year there was like a golden buzzer buzzer they it last year too. Oh, did they really?

Yeah. Some fan. But like it was kids. It seemed like every time a kid just went up and did something, they were like, guess what, kid? You're going to the finals. Of course. So golden buzzer meant like you skip over. You skip all of them. You go right to the

final live round. The guy, so I know a comedian named Drew Lynch. He lives in LA and he's got a stutter. He got the golden buzzer last year. He ended up coming second last year. Really? Yeah. But the thing is, he was 24.

He's like a cute kid. He's obviously a man, but he's got a cherubic kind of look. He had the stutter. He had the heart strength going. So he got that. And then this year, when i didn't get it i was like well i'm like some 30 year old dude but i'm like you know what i mean like i don't have the you were just saying it's kid kids it's cute they got a future ahead of them i'm i got gray hair i'm washed up man you either need to be a kid or a senior citizen if you're a senior citizen you come out and do a kung fu routine

oh boy guy screaming the senior citizen who just screaming yeah he was the best he did like scream like uh sepultura song oh like he came out and he's a metal singer yeah but he was like you know old guy pants hiked up way high and said hi to his wife before and then they started playing the music and he like had that yeah it was really funny um did you see anything amazing did you see like do you get to see the other act or uh no not really because you're backstage and they do crazy things to you too where they're like okay we just need you to come because you're hanging out and it's like the second audition you're hanging out at cbs studios um which is weird because it's nbc but they all kind of use each other studios apparently oh boy weird because it's NBC, but they all kind of use each other's studios apparently. Oh boy.

Oh boy. It's all that. They're all in it together. So you're in this like basement kind of dungeon, like green room holding area. And then you're there for like hours. You're just kind of like feeling like a prisoner after like a few days. And then they're like, oh, we just need you to come up and do a mic check up here. You're like, oh, okay.

And then they're like, okay, so just around that corner. And then like, oh, by the way, you're going on right now. And then you're on stage. Like they do mind games like that with you to like oh okay and then they're like okay so just around that corner and then like oh by the way you're going on right now and then you're on stage like they do mind games like that with you they're like whoa on your toes yeah so you're like i'm just doing a mic check like oh yeah no sorry we thought you were doing that but you're actually going to perform for these thousand people right now it's like guantanamo yeah yeah but so i didn't get to see too many people but a couple of them like i, I talked to them backstage. And you're hanging out a long time, so I talked to a bunch of them. I picture it like whenever they do backstage stuff on Saturday Night Live, there's always a showgirl.

Yeah, yeah. And, like, someone walking a horse around. Just backstage show business stuff. Yeah. Well, the original audition that I did, I was just driving through Kansas City and there was like a general audition. So that's how I ended up auditioning for AGT. I was just driving through and so there was like the convention center.

What were you doing just driving through Kansas City? I was doing a bunch of colleges in Kansas and Missouri, like a 10 school run. And you were doing your barbecue tour. Of course, yeah. In 2015. Me and my dad had shirts made. It's great. So I just popped, and that one was a lot of weird, freaky people just walking around,

like the bottom level of America's Got Talent. No, but that's the show I want to see every week. The freak show. Yeah, yeah. The good, the bad, and everything in between. And just stuff like an act that I couldn't even imagine it. And then it's like this couple and, you know,

she's very strong and she like breaks, breaks over her husband's head or whatever. Like that's the, yeah, that's the, to me, that's the juice. The thing about that show

is the prize is you get like a residency in Vegas. For five years and a million bucks, I think. Has anyone ever made it five years? Well, Terry Fader. Yeah, he's killing it. What'd he do?

He is a ventriloquist that does musical impressions. So he can sing like, whatever, all these different stars. But he also has the puppet that looks like the star. It's the perfect act for Vegas. There was a guy this year. I don't know if he ended up making it on TV, but you would have liked him, Graham. His name was Picasso.

Did you see him? Oh, I've heard about Picasso. He paints with his penis? So nobody could, like he couldn't show that on TV, of course, so they had like a curtain around him, and he was just, he painted Howie,

he painted a portrait of Howie's face in a minute and a half, using just his penis. Oh, wow. Using his hand, no hands? No hands. And Howie was like behind the curtain watching it. Howie's face in a minute and a half. Oh, wow. Using his hands? No hands? No hands. And Howie was behind the curtain watching it.

Howie, do it. That's crazy. Isn't Howie super afraid of germs and stuff? Yeah, I guess not. And now he's got that painting hanging in his house? Hanging? That he eats food off? I asked the guy backstage if it was a fine-tipped brush,

and he just didn't understand that I was burning him. You should be side-staged. Get out of here, Nick Cannon. Any one of these acts that I see on the show, even if I'm impressed for three minutes or whatever, I don't know if i'd want an hour or what is it an hour an hour and a half what's your show in vegas yeah i guess it's an hour long show you're and that's that's totally true where even if it's like there was this one act that was

all uh he used all like uh probably 20 or 30 different projectors and it was all this kind of like he would move and like things would shoot out of his hands it would look really good but after two minutes i was like good doesn't ever need to see that again like yeah i can't imagine just sitting in an audience being like oh here's more projector stuff and then as the person who wins like you really want to spend five years in vegas like i don't know i don't know either i watched a very short documentary about carrot top at his time in vegas i saw that too it was on vice or something yeah yeah and he seems he seems kind of sad yeah he's a little sad his sadness kind of emanates from the fact that he doesn't get acceptance from his own community too that's what it seemed like yeah yeah

me he was kind of like well look, look at man, I'm rich. I'm killing it in Vegas. So I don't care if they don't accept me. But then you'd see it in his eyes where he's like, why won't anybody accept me? Yeah. But he's friends like all those Vegas guys, like Criss Angel and Penn and Teller and Carrot Top.

They all hang out. In my nightmares. I can just imagine that. RSVP to the party from hell. out. In my nightmares. RSVP to the party from hell. Just Criss Angel and Carrot Top having a couple drinks at the bar like, you're the only one who gets me, man. My god.

I was dating this girl and she mind freaked me. Every chick in this town just keeps mind freaking me. Ah, man, I can't go on tonight. I'm having such a mind-freak. I don't know. I'd love to see Carrot Top's act. You don't last that long in Vegas without

having a solid act. I'm sure he's hilarious. Yeah, I would go and see his show. It's easy to shit on other comics. That's why I love it. Yeah. But, like, anytime somebody has that kind of sustained success, like like all you can do is kind of tip your hat to it even if it's not your cup of tea but i i think it might be my cup of tea

i could see myself going to see carrot top and being like damn i'm a huge carrot top no i'm fascinated i'm fascinated by his act i'm also fascinated by gallagher like that still working he is still working really yeah and he has he has these crazy high concept things that he did that now a comedian would never, I don't think, ever do. But one of his specials, the whole special, he's on roller skates that I watched. So he's gliding around on the stage while he's telling jokes. That's pretty amazing. Right?

That's awesome. And I was like, if Aziz Ansari did that, we would still be talking about it to this very day. Oh, he's my first ethnic crush. Oh, yeah. No, he's a nice dresser. Damn, you waited a while for your first ethnic crush. I was a late bloomer.

So you were touring around colleges in the States. Is that fun? I hear Jerry Seinfeld won't do them anymore. It's just too PC, man. When you tour these colleges, do you have to bring trophies for everyone in the audience? Just generation. Ribbons are easier to travel around with. i i like them yeah yeah i don't

mind them it's like pretty low pressure that's for sure because a lot of these they're already drunk they've they've never seen a comedy show before so a lot of them so you're kind of like their first foray into it so the pretty carte blanche in terms of what you want to do and i don't get too raunchy or anything so that whole pc thing i don't really i don't even know if i agree with jerry anyway on that i call him jerry but yeah yeah yeah um but uh no i like him and the thing is when i first started doing them i was i was like oh this is gonna be like animal house or you know old school like yeah you showed up in a toga but they're're like kids, man. They're young. Yeah, of course.

And I'm like 30 years old, and I'm like, oh, there's a huge generation gap here, which I like, because I want to be able to talk to 80-year-olds or 18-year-olds. I only want to talk to 80-year-olds. I've had enough of 18-year-olds. Have you considered dyeing your hair? You do have a little gray. A little gray. I appreciate that.

No, I am. I have a little myself. Do you? Do you dye it? No. Oh, you don't? But I don't perform for 18-year-olds. Yeah. I appreciate that. No, I am. I have a little myself, but I know. Oh, you don't? But I don't perform for 18 year olds. Yeah. I just don't care enough. Like maybe at some point, these 18 year olds, they don't really.

I don't know how to describe it. They're like, well, I was reading this article about how baby boomers, it's all kind of like lumped into whatever the what is it? 19, if you're born between 39 and 59 or something. Right. And I was reading this article about the idea of millennials is so misguided because I'm a millennial and these 18-year-olds are as well. And I'm like, but we live in total, like I remember 9-11, because this article was talking about the touchstone of 9-11. These kids all came up in like a post-9-11 world.

They were all conceived during 9-11. They're big 9-11 baby boomers. Right. Was there an actual 9-11. These kids all came up in like a post 9-11 world. They were all conceived during 9-11. They're big 9-11 baby boomers. Was there an actual 9-11 baby boom? No. I'm so horny from these buildings. Could have been the opposite actually. It might have been people like, oh, I don't want to bring kids into this crazy world. I wonder.

I wonder what the stats are on it. Because there's, you know, the famous... Population is exploding. That's the stats on that. I don't know about the United States specifically, but the planet. But the planet. We're doing fine.

We're out of resources. Oh, yes. You definitely can't get mad at people for being on their phone during a show now. People are just on their phone at these things. Is that right? Is that just the way it's going to be now? They're Snapchatting you while you're on stage.

There's nothing you can do about it. I guess. I guess that's it, right? That's the end of comedy then. That's the end of stand-up comedy, right? Are you going gonna have to be well whoever figures out how to be the first snapchat stand-up comedian he only does bits

that are how long is the snapchat i don't know i think they can be as long as you like it's not a vine no yeah i think it cuts off at a certain point though but you can just keep adding videos to your story so you can do a bunch of them are you on snapchat yeah but i don't really well i guess i do tell people now that i because you on Snapchat? Yeah, but I don't really, well, I guess I do tell people now that I, because I don't know what to do,

I don't know what to do on it. I'm like, I can't be funny in that form. I don't know, I feel like I'm not adapting to new technology very well. Like, there's people who are just like

Snapchat stars. I follow John Mayer on Snapchat. That dude's funny as hell. I'm like, God damn, John Mayer. You should try stand-up.

Yeah. He has. I know. Okay, guys guys i have a lot of unpopular opinions one of them is big john mayer fan over here okay that is that's a very like are you a like you're a fan of his music as well was this really big time like you're not the best hearer yeah you gotta take my music recommendation with a grain of salt that's for sure but um no I love John Mayer I love his music I love his personality I don't

care about all the douche bag things this is a wild opinion I love this what do you think is the douchiest thing about him because certainly you must have gotten some flack on this yeah I mean my friends all give me a hard time like I love Kanye too I love is the douchiest thing about him. Because certainly you must have gotten some flack on this. Yeah, I mean, yeah, my friends all give me a hard time.

Like, I love Kanye, too. I love Alex Rodriguez. I love all the people that people hate. Oh, wow. Yeah. Wow. Why do you love Alex Rodriguez? I like to think I see the good in people. Maybe I think you like to stir the pot.

That's what I think. I feel like every album John Mayer's come out with, he's singing about things that are actually happening in my life. I love Alex Rodriguez. I love Guy Fieri. I love vaping. I think vaping is Guy Fieri and with the big three. There's your sleeve tattoo.

No, John Mayer, I think he's The thing Like he did A Rolling Stone interview Where he said some stuff That set people off They didn't like it Right He was talking about

Like sex with Jennifer Aniston And Jessica Simpson And stuff Oh I forgot That he went out With Jennifer Aniston I don't like that

He's left a trail Of women In his wake Who is Jennifer Aniston Jessica Simpson Taylor Swift Katy Perry She's still On board Katy Perry trail of women in his wake who is jennifer aniston jessica simpson taylor swift katie perry she's still on board katie perry well she's with uh what's his name uh uh johnny penis uh orlando bloom oh yeah yeah uh johnny penis is he the who's he on america's Talent? Oh my God.

No, it's one of those 50 diners. One of those guys that does stand-up paddle boarding with his penis. But you know, John Mayer was hanging out with a lot of stand-up comedians at the time they did that interview. He was doing comedy himself, and he even said himself after, those were jokes that he could have made with his friends, who were comics at the time, no problem. And it would have moved on to the next thing, but instead it was was published in rolling stone you can't see his face when you're reading it it just seems like you know what i mean you can't tell if there's any kind of um i don't know playfulness or i can say this if john mayer if i found out that john mayer thought i was cool i

would like him i can tell you that right now. If we got an email from him saying, hey, big fan of the podcast, guys. Yeah, I would be, I would do a, I can tell you with no degree of uncertainty that I would do a complete about face. I'd be like, oh, John Maris, he's the best. The one thing he did that I always thought was very cool

was when he did the guitar stuff on the Chappelle show. Oh, yeah. In the barbershop. Yeah, in the barbershop. He did two or three things on Chappelle show. Yeah. Because he's a cool son of a gun. Yeah.

You're making an excellent case. He had a bit of street cred for a little while, but his music was never good. I mean, you're not going to turn him. I was just listening to Heartbreak Warfare on the way over here. Which one's that? The newest? Oh, sorry, that's a song off of the album Battle Studies, which is what I was listening to. Is that a recent one? That one's like 2010,

I think. How many albums has John Mayer had? I'm going to say, well, he had John Mayer Trio as well. Is that a blues? Yeah, it was him and two other guys as the name would suggest. Yeah, it was B and two other guys, as the name would suggest. Yeah, it was B.B. King. That came out around the time of... Oh, what the hell is the album

that has Gravity on it and Vulture? Defying Gravity? Body of Wonderland? No, Your Body is a Wonderland was his first album, or maybe second. Which one's Waiting on the World to Change? That's the one that also has

Vultures and Gravity on it. I can't remember the name of it. You know what? I'm going to open up Wikipedia. Yeah. I'll just open up my Spotify since it's the last thing that I was... No, but then he's released a couple albums in the last couple years that are more kind of like folksy.

Right. It's funny because it seems a little kind of contrived because the album cover is like him out in the middle of a field with a loyal dog beside him and he's draped in all these shawls and a Neil Young hat. And it's like him being like, look at me, man. These are my Neil Young years. I'm living on a farm in Montana.

Does he live on a farm in Montana? He bought a farm in Montana somewhere. Oh, we bought a zoo. Yeah. Didn't work out so well. Room for Squares. Room for Squares. Album one

Yeah and then Bigger than No not bigger than Don't tell me the next one I gotta I can't say I'm a John Mayer fan Yeah yeah If you don't know

If you haven't got Room for Squares Mayer Quest Is followed by Heavier Things Heavier Things Nice What are the songs

What are the big hits On Heavier Things I think that's got Clarity on it It's got Clarity on it, or um... It's got Clarity. Track one, Clarity.

Yeah. I just found out there's no such thing as a real world but such song. I'm bigger than my body. What a great song. Yeah.

I love Bigger Than My Body. It's about dysmorphia. Oh, yeah. Daughters is on that one. Daughters? So, come on. The best stripper song. The guy's got hits

for days, man. Vultures? Have you guys heard that song? No, I don't think so. His guitar playing? Eric Clapton loves John, although I don't like Eric Clapton.

I read Eric Clapton's, what is it called when you write it yourself? Autobiography? Yeah, autobiography. I always get him confused. And he wrote it himself when he came off

as such a douchebag. I'm like, if you wrote this and this is how you come across. That always is the case. Yeah. But he was like saying things where he was like explaining it. And he's like, so you can see why I had to make this decision to leave my band and join another band without telling any of the members. And I'm like, no, I don't really follow you on that.

I think you're a huge asshole. Like he did that like twice where he was just like with a band and then another band's like, you're great. You want to join us instead? He's like, yeah, for sure. And he'd just hop on their bus and like not that like twice where he was just like with a band and then another band was like, you're great, you want to join us? And Steddy's like, yeah, for sure. And he'd just hop on their bus and like not tell his old band

he was leaving. He did that, what did he do that with? The Yardbirds? John Mayall's Blues Breakers? Was he in Cream? Was that him? He was in Cream.

He was in Cream? Yeah. With Ginger Baker. Yeah. Yeah. Have you seen, there's a documentary about Ginger Baker,

the drummer from Cream. Yeah, he lives in like Africa now or something. Yeah, and he's like the biggest asshole ever. Oh, really? He's got like a gated compound. But he's just cantankerous and violent. Wow. I was listening to, there's somebody who's uploaded chunks of Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley's books on tape, them reading their own book.

And it's funny. They both spend a ton of time calling out their drummer, Peter Kress, like they spend obscene amounts of time making fun of him. But then they also take time out to make fun of each other. And it's like, you guys are still in the band together. You're still the two core members. And they don't seem to care for each other all that much. But do they ever look inward and criticize, hey, I wasn't always the best

bass player? No. I couldn't see Gene Simmons looking inward. No, no. I mean, they do, and all they see is just... Pure gold. Yeah, everything is going A-OK. It's's funny guys like that like old rock bands when did they turn from being like relevant to being a nostalgia a nostalgic act because i think it happened so quick now we're like even like there's a big festival in um toronto

a couple weeks ago way home festival and the three main headliners were The Killers, LCD Sound System, and Arcade Fire. Right. And I love all three of them. I'm a big Killers fan, too. All right. I'm a big fan of all three of those,

but Killers is one where people are like, come on now. But all three of those, I was like, those are kind of, they're all kind of retro acts at this point. Yeah, I guess so. Huh. But when did it happen? Because Arcade fire was like at the top they were completely relevant and then now it's only been a

few years but i almost feel like if they came out with another album today they'd be very hard for it to resonate the same way like funeral did or right when was the first album was maybe 2004 yeah and i'm thinking of like when i got into music in like say 1994 if i was listening to a band whose first album came out in 1980 they would have been like yeah i was listening to the cars in 1994 or whatever exactly it would have been but then there's this weird thing that happens where or at least it's happened to me, where there's all this music that I was never exposed to growing up. And so now I'm discovering these bands from the 70s or the 80s or even like the 60s that I was like,

well, I've never heard this band before. Yeah. And they've got a whole catalog. It's really exciting when you get into it. I mean, like, oh my God, I got 12 albums I can get into. Yeah. But then you can never be like a fan of theirs in the their time you know like they're not going through it with them yeah yeah you're not growing with them and seeing the evolution because you can

just go back to whatever album you're not kind of like yeah you're not a part of it yeah it's a weird yes but sometimes i'll find a band that's maybe still going and i'll hear a good song of theirs and then i'll look and they have 14 other albums and i'm like well i'm never i'm never catching up you guys keep going without me that's what happened i don't need you guided by voices well even if you if we bring it back to john mayer for him yeah absolutely i was going to anyway he's like still making music but if you look at the amount of plays on Spotify, there's barely any compared to the big names of today. And his most listened to song is a cover of Beyonce XO.

Ah. It's got to be kind of frustrating to be that big of a star. We all know who John Mayer is. Love him. But nobody's really listening to you. Yeah. And his kind of music not getting radio play anymore.

Well, Dentist's office. But there was a heyday where him and like Jack Johnson and Dave Matthews, these guys could get on the radio. Uh-huh. Now...

But Jack Johnson, it always felt like getting on the radio was getting in the way of his surfing. I could just picture his agent calling him and be like, Jack, we need you to go on tour. And him being like, oh, man. Aloha means no in this case.

Yeah, I just put up a slack line and I was going to do that all day. I got to shave that all day. Every day. I got to shave my bunions. Whenever I think of people who would surprise me the most if they were an asshole, Jack Johnson's always like right up there. He seems so chill. Could you imagine if he was just a complete douchebag? Do you know who would surprise me if he was a really nice guy?

Matthew McConaughey. Like if you met him and he was like really nice and friendly, I'd be like, whoa! I think he has a warmth to him. I think he has a warmth to him, but I also feel like he's a real weirdo. I don't think you can get that famous and still have that original

warmth you might have had. I think it hardened you no matter what. You think? Speaking from no experience at all. Well, you've been on America's Got Talent. Yeah. You're up there. I changed in the last few months. I'll admit it.

But no, I just think like these people, I always think of it in terms of gravity. If you've ever been in a room with a guy like John Mayer. Oh, man. There's a bunch of vultures here. And you're just waiting on the world to change. No, but whenever you're in a room with a famous person, you can see everybody looking at them. And it feels like they have their own kind of gravity. You can see everyone kind of getting closer to them.

Even the people who are trying to play it cool and not ask for a picture. Everything feels like it's closing in on them. And I couldn't imagine if you felt that if you were the person like, you know, exhibiting that gravity. I couldn't imagine what that would do to your mind like everywhere you went. Because then the opposite would happen. I think where you'd be like, man, I just want to be anonymous. And then if you went to a place, if you went over to Cambodia or something and nobody knew you. Then I think that would mess with your mind too where you'd be like.

Hey, come on. Yeah, nobody's going to say hello. Come on. Hey, Pol Pot. Give me my duke, bud. Babaloo. This is Dennis Miller. Yeah, nobody's going to say hello? Come on. Hey, Pol Pot, give me my duke, bud. Papa Lou. This is Dennis Miller who goes to get Woody. Hey, Pol Pot.

Hey, Pol Pot. Hey, Pol Pot. Such a fun little name for a horrible dictator. Oh, I know. So fun to say. Oh, brother. What do you think a guy like John Mayer will be like as an old man in the rock and roll bits

do you hope to grow with him I do I do hope to grow old with John Mayer I think I think a lot of those women also wanted to grow old

with him I think he the last couple albums he's made has been him kind of settling into old age I think it's him being like

I'm just making this music for myself and I don't like I think like he's made has been him kind of settling into old age i think it's him being like i'm just making this music for myself and i don't i don't like i think like he's made his money yeah he can just record albums and tour if he wants yeah he's carrying with the grateful dead right now that sounds about right yeah but like uh these guys like like when eric clapton puts out a new album are there new? It's just people that like Eric Clapton, right? No one's finding it for the first time. Yeah. No.

Even like I said, the Killers played that festival. I don't know when their last album was. I was big into them during Hot Fuzz, Samstown. But I doubt anybody was like, oh, I hope they play that new track. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's already for them. Just play Greatest Hits. Just play all these things that the like every oh yeah yeah yeah they're all it's already all these things that i've done and you know right yeah let me remember yeah you're playing a song from guitar hero sam's town great track i uh yeah i guess like oh no

when you were young that was the one sorry go ahead no yeah it's uh I just, like, what, and the other thing that's weird is, like, what if your fan base doesn't, like, if you're, like, a band that was on the Warped Tour, and then your fans age out of that, like, you're not, there's nobody's going into the Warped Tour and, like, bringing their kids along to expose them to the Warped Tour. Maybe there are. I don't know. I think an aging rock star is kind of a sad thing to behold if they don't evolve. But also if they do evolve, they just lose a lot of people along the way, a lot of fans.

But I think that's less sad than watching this band go out 50 years old and they're playing this song they wrote when they were 22 and really feeling like they wanted to lash out at the world. And now they're rich in their mansion and they're playing this song they wrote when they were 22 and really feeling like they wanted to lash out at the world and now they're rich in their mansion and they're still singing you know

whatever whatever example like Blink-182 their first ever number one album yeah that they put out and so

but why why is this their first number one album well because young people don't buy albums anymore so yeah I guess

I mean I don't know the like i don't know the logic behind it but their first number one album that they just put out probably sold a fraction of what their last album yeah oh for sure but like why didn't when they were on mtv all the time that was well maybe they came around when people were just downloading songs for free or maybe they had the when people were just downloading songs for free or something or maybe they had the number two album

yeah they had right and it probably sold like you said like a whole bunch it came out the same week as a Backstreet Boys album

Justin yeah so do you think and probably I assume that the people who would buy the Blink-182 album now were people that also

have just been fans of theirs since for sure American Pie Part 1. With the old drummer. Do you know, like I said, I'm also a huge fan of Kanye West.

What I love about him is that I love the album College Dropout debut album, Unimpeachable. I love it. But he's done weird things and evolved every album and that I think is what keeps the sadness away

like from watching an artist aid where you're like maybe I don't like every artistic decision you make but at least I know

I'm watching somebody grow as an artist yeah like a David Bowie I agree with you about Kanye West yeah I like him too

I like his I mean sure should he maybe have somebody manning his twitter account sure dude did i like that did i like that album where he was all just uh auto-tune and he sang the whole thing no i didn't love it but i i definitely respect him trying new things and he and he never broke Jennifer Anderson's heart. Nope.

As far as I know. That we know of, yeah. Yeah. I think his clothing line is really weird. I don't know if anyone... But he's a marketing genius because we're talking about his clothing line. I have no idea about anybody else's. I'm sure there's a lot of other...

Oh, sure. Calvin Klein. You know about him. Ralph Lauren. Big time. Yeah. you know about him Ralph Lauren Big time

yeah but I mean I'll talk about I'll talk about Jessica Simpson's edible cosmetics sure till the cows come off

I'll talk about fabletics yeah she's created quite an empire for herself Jessica Simpson yeah Jessica

Jess yeah Jay Simpson yeah she really did but I I think it's one of those things Jessica? Jess? Yeah. Jay Simps? Yeah, she really did. But I think it's one of those things that it's very easy to create an empire when you're already an incredibly famous person. Because you could just put your name on a thing and people will buy it. You're taking away from her accomplishments right now.

Well, she was the first person to eat lipstick. Does she actually have edible cosmetics? She did. Wow. I don't know if they're still around. That's a great idea. Yeah. Is it? I think so.

I mean, I don't know. I don't know. I think that's something she did. And it sounds like a good idea until you're eating blush. Or you're just sprinkling blush on toast. Lipstick is always edible, right? Yeah, I mean, I definitely ate some when I was a little kid. Well, I don't even mean when you're a kid.

I mean, you kiss somebody with lipstick on, it better be edible because some of that's going down the old hatch. Because of my tongue. Well, down the hatch. Down the hatch. A spoonful of lipstick helps the medicine go down. Dave, what's going on with you, man? Oh, boy, I don't know. Not a heck of a lot.

You just had your first number one album. Yeah, that's true. No, I haven't. I'm not going to yes and that. Oh, fair enough. Here's what's going on with me. My, uh... wife is out of town with the baby. Oh, you've got a bachelor life.

Just for the last 24 hours. Fun. I was wondering why there was this pile of cocaine in the middle of the table. Yeah, the baby left her cocaine. What age will I have to stop calling the baby the baby? I guess once we have the new baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because then that's the baby.

And you're not the mama. Well, that's always been the case. Mine, I had to hide all of the frying pans in the house. So I've been, I've just been trying to figure out because there's not oh no dave dave yes and yes and yes and i have a new album out uh no i that like i i'm sort of free for the next few days and i'm trying to figure out how can I really go wild and I know this set of videos

I was like oh maybe there's some movies that I would like to see that have been out in the last few months that I haven't had a chance nothing I think in a theater Suicide Squad I really want to see the nice guys Gosling and that's think, in the theater. Suicide Squad. I really want to see The Nice Guys, Gosling and Russell Crowe. That's already out in the

online. Is it? I really want to see that. It's not on iTunes yet. It will be by the time this episode's out. This is an ad for iTunes. I've taken to renting movies on iTunes. Why not? See what you want instead of going on Netflix

and seeing a sequel to a thing that you want to see uh and so last night my first night alone without people in the house i watched uh this is this is what what a like an old dad i'm turning into i watched the helen mirren movie eye in the sky i don't even know that movie no me neither what about a drone strike oh it's got alan rickman it might have been alan rickman's last role okay it's funny in it and helen maron plays the queen she plays the queen she's really typecast just shooting drones anyway didn't the guy Michael Sheen he played

Tony Blair in that in The Queen oh yeah yeah yeah yeah and then he played Tony Blair in something else well

I mean if you do you know think about all the TV shows that Rich Little played John Wayne on I'm sorry I can't believe

you're a newborn in this situation I don't know your first number one album just came out Played John Wayne on. I'm sorry. What year was I born? I don't know. Your first and number one album just came out, so I can't do the math. Yeah, so I think I made a list of, or I went through iTunes to just kind of add movies to the list of things I'll watch. Yeah. And none of them were hip. And all the, like, movies that,

like, I want to see Popstar, but that's not out yet. Oh, I really want to see Popstar. Yeah, I heard it's great. I went and just saw

a random movie last night, like, just because I wanted to be in an air-conditioned theater. Uh-huh. So, What did you see? It was called,

uh, oh, shit, Captain Fantastic. Is it about the Elton John album? No, it was about, it's Viggo Mortensen. And he's like a guy who's raised his family off the grid. Oh, okay.

And then they have to kind of come back into civilization. It was like very sad and very funny. It was really, really good. I like sad and funny. Yeah, but I just like, I just looked down the horizon. It was really, really good. I like sad and funny. Yeah, but I just looked down the movies. Like a Randy Newman song. Exactly. And I just, I don't know.

I was like, I haven't heard anything about this, so 100% of it will be a surprise. I love that. And it was good. Yeah? Yeah. I haven't seen Viggo in something in a while. He's so good in it. Yeah?

Yeah, because you know how scary he can be? He's totally not scary in this. Really? Yeah, he's like a lovable guy. Eastern Promises? He's so scary in that. Yeah? Yeah, because you know how scary he can be? He's totally not scary in this. Really? Yeah, he's like a lovable guy. Eastern Promises? He's so scary in that. Does he kill a guy naked? Yeah. That fighting scene, naked? One of the best. And while he's

fighting him, he paints a little picture with his wiener. It's a picture of me killing you. The prophecy came true. What are your top ten Viggo Mortensen roles? Oh, well, you know,

Lord of the Rings 1, Lord of the Rings 2, Lord of the Rings 3. Same role. I've only seen Lord of the Rings 1. I never got into it. I fell asleep in the

theater during all three of them. Really? I fell asleep in theater during the first one and that was enough for me. Yeah.

I fell asleep in the theater during three movies and that was enough for me. Yeah. I fell asleep in the theater during three movies. That, or Lord of the Rings 1, the recent Godzilla remake with Bryan Cranston. Wow, really? Yeah.

Godzilla, that's a pretty loud film. Boring, man. Really? I didn't like it. I don't know. Yeah, fair enough. It's the same old thing.

Maybe you slept through the good parts. And the third was Inglorious Bastards. Oh, really? And you know, for like five years I've been telling people like, oh, that movie's boring. I fell asleep. And then I watched it like a couple months ago.

And I was like, this movie is phenomenal. Why was, why weren't people just punching me in the face the last five years? You know how many conversations I've had with people where they were probably like, wow, this guy's an idiot. First, he won't shut up about john mayer then he tells us how much he hates inglorious bastards um uh yeah i don't think i've ever fallen asleep no in a movie theater but i haven't i've stopped going to movie theaters the last few years me too i'm just getting back on the horse because i'm the thing about you were talking about people taking phones out during your set, is people will take their phone out in movie theaters now and not know that this

is unacceptable. Yeah. Yeah, and it's so bright right in front of you. And you have to throw popcorn at them. They think you're a jerk. Yeah. That's fun, though. That's part of the fun of being around jerks.

I don't do anything in those situations. I'm so anti-confrontation. Yeah. You know, like a pacifist. You can throw popcorn in a dark theater no one sees it yeah no i just i'm just like oh i'm so mad right now and i'm not gonna do anything about them give me your number so i can text you and tell you not to do that i'm gonna snapchat a story to you follow me um uh yeah so uh a couple of days alone and i'm like maybe i can go to a bar sure i was like it's our bars open at four in the afternoon i don't want to stay out late yeah you could probably you could take advantage of a happy hour yeah and just go by myself yeah that's a lot you'll be surprised there's a lot of people at the bars by themselves.

I like being at a bar by myself. Yeah, sitting up at the bar, maybe a book. Yeah. I do it when I'm on the road a lot, so I don't just end up sitting in a hotel doing nothing. And I love sports, so I love going to a bar and just watching whatever sports they have on there. It's a nice little way to get to know people.

Sure. Get a feel for Kansas or whatever city you might be in. I was in St. Louis when the Blues were playing in the playoffs. I was at a St. Louis bar grill in St. Louis watching St. Louis Blues play the Blackhawks and it was electric.

It was pretty amazing. That's one of those cities where they've had a hockey team for over 40 years. Almost 50, I guess. And I still don't know why anyone in Missouri would watch hockey. They love it. They were going crazy for it. Yeah.

Why would anybody, anybody? It seems a little south. Yeah. But, I mean, it's catching on even in, like, Tampa. People are watching hockey in Tampa now. I think at the end of the day, if you have a winning team, if you have a quality product, people will jump on board. Yeah, it doesn't even matter what the thing is. It's just as long as you're the number one, like people are like, yeah, us.

Yeah, that's why we're so good, because we're the number one. Yeah. That's why people jump on board with this show. Yeah, we're number one. Always have been. Always will be. So, yeah, just doing some solo dadding around town. Fun.

That's fun it's fun to have a couple days where you could you know uh you know just to eat over the sink yeah you feel any guilt about having fun oh i'm not having fun it's it's really just some i'm not like going wild or anything i don't so i'm not but i mean like even when you just know you have a few hours to yourself and you know you don't have to take care of your yeah baby it's not guilt no because i'm not a father i have no idea what that must be like to like all of a sudden be like oh now my life is devoted to this human being well the thing about fathers is they're they should be good to their daughters um because uh here we go um the and because daughters become lovers who turn into mothers. So mothers speak good to your daughters too.

Wow. Nice. That was deep. Yeah. You know what? You saying that spoken word made me realize how powerful that song is. Well, these are heavier things. No, I feel no guilt because I'm not having that much fun and i'm not watching

it's not like abby my wife would be like oh you watched eye in the sky without me um but yeah so that's it what's up with you uh yeah not too much i went to the uh here's the thing once uh once a year i like to go to the dentist get the full treatment oh sure the works yeah give me the works i say x-ray thing scratchy thing water laser water pick laser water uh foot massage uh the full that must yeah that massager where they rub it on the back of your head in an old-timey barbershop. Yeah. Cupping.

Ear candling. The undercoating. Yeah. So, I don't know whose joke it is, but a comedian's joke where he says, I went to a dentist appointment, and it should actually be called dental hygienist appointment with special appearance by dentist.

Because you spend like, I was there for two and a half hours. Wow. Two of which I spent with the dental hygienist. And she, like once she had her hands in my mouth, she asked me one question, which was, do you use an electric toothbrush? I said, no. I said, no. I said, no. And for the next, I want to say 45 minutes to a full hour, extolled the virtues of an electric toothbrush, went through her favorite brand. It was like being trapped in an infomercial.

Oral-B. That's me. Oral-B, but not the top level because she said there's very little difference between the first level and the top level so why spend the money for the top level when you're looking out for you man but it was like she didn't have any for sale in the office but she was giving me this like full this full pitch they should have like if i guess there are dental celebrities yeah but if they're you can buy the like oh this is the one that you know dr carl uses it's not just like eight out of nine dentists like this one i'm trying to think of who is the

most famous dentist fictional fictional or real. Oh, Steve Martin in Little Shop of Horrors. Yeah. I was going to say, what's his name? Dr. Banya? Oh, yeah. No, Dr. Yeah, not Banya.

Oh. The anti-dentist. Tim Watley. Tim Watley. Tim Watley, played by Bryan Cranstone. But yeah, is there a famous, like I'm just trying to think of like the dentist who invented the grill. Like who would be the most famous real life dentist who invented the grill? There's got to be like the guys that rappers go to for their grills. Yeah.

There's got to be. Like a dentist to the stars. Or Jacob Jeweler of the mouth. Right. This is the type that dr dr can wong uses and dr can wong's not there anymore he was he your doctor you are my dentist sorry but i also let him check out other areas sure while you're there yeah he's doing some cupping maybe you turn your head and cough but uh yeah anyways like i should go to the dentist more often than once a year i think

because uh that's what they kept telling me they're like why do you only come here once a year have any follow-up treatments or cavities or anything no but i gotta buy an electric toothbrush apparently oh boy i don't like electric teeth neither do i I. Yeah. But man, oh man, I just want a regular old style, just plain, no rubber grip, no fancy streamline. I love the rubber. I love when they have some rubber bristles. I feel like that's really doing good. Yeah.

They say I go too hard on my teeth, my dentist. Oh, really? Yeah. I've had a few because I've moved a little bit, but every time they're like, yeah, you're going too hard on your teeth. And I try to go easy, but I don't feel like I'm getting enough. I don't feel like I'm cleaning if I'm just going light on my teeth. Do you guys floss?

Yeah. Yeah. Big flosser. And they just came out with a thing saying, it's never been proven that flossing works. It feels good. It does feel good. My mom's like a compulsive flosser.

She'll floss for like a half hour. To the point of like, okay, mom, you're good. Stop mom's like a compulsive flosser. She'll floss for like a half hour. To the point of like, okay, mom, you're good. Stop flossing. Oh, really? So I get that from her. But it's to the point where if somebody tells me they don't floss,

I'm kind of like, I don't think we're going to get along. I was hanging out with a girl for a little bit and she was like, oh, I don't floss. I go, not that often? She's like, no, never. And we didn't hang out ever again. Yeah. And then you're like, give me I don't floss. I'm like, oh, not that often? She's like, no, never. And like, we didn't hang out ever again.

Yeah. And then you're like, give me back that edible lipstick. Yeah. I don't trust the eyeliner on your teeth. I cut my thumb flossing. My skin was really dry on my thumb, and then the floss was too tight, and it did. It's hurt the last few days. Floss is dangerous.

I was working on a joke for a bit about how much it sucks when floss gets stuck tight, and it did. It's hurt the last few days. Floss is dangerous. I was working on a joke for a bit about how much it sucks when floss gets stuck in your teeth. Yeah. Because it's like, that's what I brought you in here for. And it wasn't working. I tried it like five times. It wasn't working. And I was like, I blame all you people in the audience

because clearly you're not flossing enough for this to not be relatable. You know how it's good to put it on the audience instead of looking inward. That's what I do most of the time. I floss every day. That's never happened to me. Really? Losing floss in my teeth? Like I said,

I go hard. I go ham on those teeth. Maybe you need to upgrade. Maybe you need a thicker floss. I got Kanye playing while I'm flossing and I'm just in it, man.

I'm in it. I, uh, this is the one thing that I don't do but, uh, across the board every dentist or dental hygienist i've been to does where they wrap the floss around their fingers a couple times and then they go i'm like wow that's what shit doesn't grow on trees yeah you're you're all like you're

basically garroting your fingers like it's really tight yeah but also that's floss that you know you just need once around the finger. You're throwing away extra floss there. Yeah. If I had extra floss, you know how many popcorn garlands I'd be making? Don't get me started. But yeah, it's, and I just dread because you just can't ever, it doesn't matter if you're the best guy at brushing and

flossing could be a little better yeah there's no there's no michael phelps of flossing there's no flawless flosser because the hygienist is like back area not so great yeah this one tooth not so and so and then you feel bad the rest of the day. You almost just let down my hygienist. Huh? I let down my hygienist. Yeah. So what does your dentist come in and do? It says, oh, how's everything going?

Yeah. Literally. Just comes in, looks with the mirror. So you got a two and a half hour cleaning. Yeah. It was my, the rest of the day, my face was so sore. Really? Because, you know, well, they're in there.

They're in there. And they're, she was going, like, I think she kind of made a project out of me, like, hey, let's really go the distance. Let's try some of those techniques they said

we'll never get a chance to do in high school. This guy doesn't know what's up. We can do whatever we want. Oh, and this is a weird thing. Not to, like, you know, go into too much detail yeah but uh have you noticed over the years like the fluoride treatment has changed has has changed uh like

it used to be they put a weird tray in your mouth and you had to like sit there i loved it both top and bottom yeah yeah and you put a little the suction thing in between and then you would just Sit there for You know five minutes And you could pick your flavor Yeah Mint

Hey guess what Just pick mint Because bubble gum's weird Oh boy And then it was Then it was just a thing That you just swished around They were like

To swish this around Is this New This is a I've never had this before They painted it on Like a Kind of like a nail brush

They like painted on your teeth really yeah put it in the water and let me tell you guys having something painted on your teeth that's the height of luxury oh yeah did you get french tips but i mean i could see that really catching on in the in the spas like a nice tooth painting. Uh-huh. Oh, it feels so nice. Have you ever had a pedicure? Yep. Oh, never. I'd really love one. I felt bad the whole time because I'm like, you have to touch my feet.

I feel bad. I got really sensitive feet. Like, I love when people touch my feet. Really? Oh, yeah. Are you ticklish? I think ticklish, but also I think I got like some of the nerve endings that were supposed to be in my penis are in the bottom of my feet. Really? Oh yeah. I think, uh, ticklish, but also I think I got like some of the nerve endings that were supposed to be in my penis or in the bottom of my feet.

Oh sure. How do you figure that happened? Wait, are you circumcised? I am. Your feet? And then I had this weird skin graft on the bottom of my feet. You think they're related?

Um, if you, before you go today, we'd love to take some video of your feet that was an off-air conversation yeah uh do we want to uh move on to overheard yes i'm jesse thorne and i'm curious about jonathan van ness and his show getting curious how do you pick something that's going to be on Getting Curious? My only prerequisite is that I actually need to be curious about it. It seems like there is really no question that you won't ask.

That is correct. I'm a fearless Katie Couric in that way. Getting Curious, the show about everything. Download it wherever you get podcasts. And if the Martha Stewart of Maximum Fun tells you to download a podcast, you just got to do it. Attention, you're up. This fall, Maximum Fun is bringing a bunch of your favorite podcasters to London. Catch Judge John Hodgman, International Waters, and Bullseye, all recording live episodes at the London Podcast Festival. We'll have fan meetups and we'll be joined on stage by a glittering

array of celebrity guests. The London Podcast Festival runs September 22nd through 26th, and you can buy your tickets right now. Just go to MaximumFun.org. Overheard. I just found out there's no such thing as a real world. Which song is that? Bigger than my body. Wow.

You know more, Mayor, than you let on previously. I've, you know, I've been through Shopper's Drug Mart. I've had to wait for my prescription to get filled

and you hear a thing here or there. What, do you think you could, if we went through the John Mayer discography, if we just went through his singles, which ones do you think are the biggest ones? Well, Your Body is a Wonderland stands alone at the top there. Yeah, that's got to be.

When you say John Mayer, that's the first one that comes to people's brain. And that's a song that even if you don't know John Mayer, that's the first one that comes to people's brain. And that's a song that even if you don't know John Mayer, you probably know that song, or at least as a reference. If you had plans, then break them. Gravity. Swing in a big sea of bacon. Oh, yeah. Your Body is a Wonderland peaked at number 18. Wow, that's some bullshit john mayer's still waiting

on his own number one album first single no such thing was 13 i don't know i don't even know that song can i hear a little bit of it no such thing i don't know how that goes hmm you call yourself a mayor head eh well you know a lot of the albums I just listened to start to finish, and I can't tell you the names of the songs. Yeah, that's true. You really like an album. He's never had a top 10 song. You said Your Body is a Wonderland was eight, didn't you? Eighteen.

Eighteen. Oh, my God. He's had a few top 20 songs. Daughters was number 19. I got to believe Gravity snuck into the top 20 now. Where's gravity? Waiting on the World to Change was 14. Oh, so that's, oh no, the other one was eight?

I don't know, what was the other one, the first one? 18. Okay, No Such Thing was 13. 13, okay. No Such Thing. Bigger Than My Body, only number 33. He said plenty of adult contemporary top tens, but that's because that's the kind of music he makes. You know what?

I don't like the tone. Daughters was 19. Waiting on the World was 14. Say was 12. Say what you need to say. Off the soundtrack for The Bucket List starring Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson. You asshole. What about Who Says?

Speaking of Say, Who Says was 17. Who says I can't get stoned? Call up a girl that I used to know. Fake love for an hour or so. Who says I can't get stoned? That's from the soundtrack. Been a long night in New York City. Soundtrack for that.

That's got the douchiest John Mayer lyric of all time. What's the Morgan Freeman? What is it? He says, I don't remember you looking any better, but then again, I don't remember you. Oh, Taylor Swift. Yikes. And that's the last of the top 20s.

What were you looking for? Gravity? Gravity, but I guess Waiting on the World is a big one. Gravity was number 71. Ooh.

Ooh. Ouch. Vultures is probably my favorite song of his. I don't know if that was even a single. I don't see it here. It's ridiculous.

Well, who says? Who says? You got no Vultures? No. No. no no it's a good one is it from the spider-man soundtrack no there's a character called the vulture oh yeah spider-man universe i believe michael keaton's playing him in the news i think it's actually from the bucket list soundtrack he did the whole thing he was like prince for batman no it's it's like magnolia he released the bucket list album and then they made a movie around what was that with magnolia yeah uh yeah amy man wrote those songs and then the script was kind of built around the music really

yeah so like david o russell was like he made magnolia no No, Paul Thomas Anderson. Oh, Paul Thomas Anderson. That's what I meant. David O. Russell hired Paul Thomas Anderson to make a movie about this album. Because I'm bigger than my body. It gives me credit for all. I always forget that he scats in all of his songs. John Mayer has the sexiest, worst guitar playing face ever. Have you ever seen him play guitar?

I've seen it. I don't know how the word sexiest got included. Did I say sexiest? He's got the sexiest, most pathetic. No, he makes really weird faces when he plays guitar. I like it. He's losing himself in it, right? Absolutely. Who says he makes really weird faces when he plays guitar. I like it. He's losing himself in it, man. Absolutely.

Who says he can't get high and play guitar? Do we want to move on to Overheard? Absolutely. Overheard. It's a segment in which we hear things

or see things out in the world and report them back here on the podcast. We always like to start with the guest. Oh, no. Yeah, we don't have to start with you.

We can start with Dave and then work our way back this way. Well, you can work back to me. I just want to say one thing that I wear hearing aids. Yes. And I don't overhear a lot. And it's the one thing I don't lament a lot about my hearing loss.

But the one thing is I think I'm missing out on a lot of juicy stuff that's happening just beside me. You know? But then. I don't eavesdrop. Right. I can't eavesdrop. But. I can't eavesdrop. But so that's... I think this came up last time.

Yeah, but there's also kind of a nice... There's something nice about that, that like a ride on the train can be like a nice, quiet experience for you. Yeah, I don't know if it's quiet. It's just a jumble of noises that make no sense. Oh, okay. So it's the opposite.

Indistinct chatter. Yeah. That's right. Exactly. Which, by the way, is going to be the name of my first hour I'm releasing. Oh, really? Yeah, Indistinct Chatter. I love it.

With the brackets around it, like you would see on subtitles. Subtitles, yeah. But sorry, yeah, you guys. I was watching, when I watched the movie last night, I had subtitles on. Yeah. Because I was, I don't know why. It just felt right. Sure.

Well, also, you watch movies and if there's any action in it, I don't know the setting on my TV to make it so everything's kind of level. But the loud parts are way too loud and the quiet parts are way too quiet. So I just kept everything pretty quiet. Nice. So I'll start my overheard. I'll start the proceedings um this was at a park abby and i took our our baby our current baby yeah to the park and she was running around and there was this like five-year-old kid going nuts screaming going down the slides climbing up

the slides where you're not supposed to oh yeah, yeah. Getting in people's way. And then his mother had to take him aside and say, hey, listen, you're not a dino. You're scaring people. If he was a dino, he'd be scaring people. Yeah. Regardless, he's scaring people. You're not a dino. You have to be reminded of that so many times

before you hit about age six. I mean, the world is trying to crush your imagination. Yeah. And it's pretty successful. I got to say, the world's got imagination crushing down to us. I know. I mean. Remember how vivid your imagination used to be?

Nope. No? Did you never have like. No, I did. I just mean I don't remember it. It's gone now now i had a cool dream last night oh yeah well i have the the building i was in sank under well that's pretty cool yeah it was fine i had a really dumb dream last night i've been having increasingly dumber dreams so your imagination's fine then yeah yeah maybe but they're just kind of not like i wake up and i'm like well i guess that was fine but to the point where i'm like is this the

dream and that's the real world because there's not much going on in the dream world that convinces me that that's a crazy world it's like i was working at a camp well that could be any that could be real life do you remember when i was i had a series of the most boring dreams ever yeah that you're travel agent retired yeah this was a crisis um anyway so that kid's a dino absolutely graham do you have an overheard i have an overseen it's courtesy of my uh two and a half hour long visit to the dentist then my dentist is a very old school no tv in the roof no there's nothing to look at there's no not even like pictures on the walls mine has a tv in the ceiling but not in the roof yeah and then you have to go

outside and watch in the ceiling but it just shows a two-hour commercial for electric toothbrushes it's that lady yeah i'm in the commercial i'm just the guy sitting there listening to her look at this guy's teeth he could use one um so i had nothing to look at and then when i uh finally when the dentist came in i was able to like move positions so i at least had nothing to look at and then when i uh finally when the dentist came in i was able to like move positions so i at least had something to look at and it was this machine don't know what it does but it was called the cavitron that is old school yeah cavitron cavitron we'll see you now um i do not have teeth but i know yours are no good teach me to love teeth you have you been eating lipstick

call back now do you uh is anything you haven't overseen anything like that from the world i'm trying to think. Overheard, but it was kind of directed towards me. I don't know if I'm allowed. This is fine. This will do. I went through a breakup like a few months ago. Yeah, but I was hanging out with my... Are you single now?

I'm sorry? Are you single now? Yeah, I'm single now. Nice. Yeah, just me and John Mayer, baby. Yeah, just play the field. Yeah. But no, I was hanging out with my four-year-old nephew playing some road hockey and stuff.

And then he said my ex's name. He's like, where is she? And he's four. And I'm like, that's crazy that he, like, remembers her. Right. And then we were talking about it. He's like, where is she? I'm like, well, sometimes when people don't want to hang out as much anymore,

they just kind of go their own separate ways. And he's like, do you like breakfast? I'm like, yeah. He's like, do you make your own breakfast? I'm like, yeah. And he's like, do you? I'm like, yeah. And he's like, well, who's going to make her breakfast for her?

And he's four. And I was like, oh, my. And it was kind of it was so poignant but it was also like well that's his idea of love like making he probably sees my sister

and her boyfriend you know his stepdad make breakfast for each other and I was like damn man kids have a way of like

they really get to the point yeah who's gonna make her breakfast just get a grab a fiber one bar it's easy yeah don't worry

I left her left her with like a hundred Clif bars, buddy. I'm on this thing. I just drink Soylent. I have Soylent for breakfast. I mean, it's the easiest meal. You don't have to think about it. Look, you can have an extravagant breakfast,

but there's also a bowl of cereal. Kid, come on. Having an extravagant breakfast to me really feels like I'm on holiday. Like if I get up and there's a croissant and there's the fruit thing and, you know, then I feel like, boy, oh boy, I'm really treating myself. But otherwise, usually I just won't have breakfast. That's my default. It's just don't eat breakfast. Also, if you learn to cook from your parents i don't

even i know how to cook and i can cook breakfast nobody taught me how to cook breakfast it's just something you pick up yeah mostly from seeing people in tv shows do it and you're like bacon goes in a pan got it yeah and you don't need to add butter because it's so greasy yeah flip a pancake hopefully you know somebody catches it on the other side. If they don't, the dog will eat it. If you don't have a dog, the cockroaches will eat it. Although I was talking to my parents the other day and going into specifics about how to make a soft-boiled egg. Because it's a different amount of time depending on the kind of oven you have.

And then you have to pour cold water on it, but a different amount anyway. Yeah, yeah. And if you do it in the mountains, it'll take even, but a different amount anyway. Yeah, yeah. And if you do it in the mountains, it'll take even longer. Really? Because altitude. Oh, altitude. Wow.

Yeah. Now, we also have overheard sent into us from people around the world. If you want to send one in to us, you can send it in to spy at maximumfund.org. The first one comes from Adam G. uh the first uh first one comes from adam g uh this is a note that he uh found uh from his eight year old son i found this note on my eight year old son's nightstand this morning he wrote it just before going to sleep last night so he would remember today it just says get mama to show me jazz hands. Yeah. But you can see, like, the kid, like, not being able to sleep.

Jazz hands must find. That's smart. Because I, like, coming up with jokes, I would always, oh, you know, I'll remember in the morning. And you'd kick yourself for not writing a day. Yeah. That he's already learned that. I like, is it Mitch Hedberg's joke where he's like, if I think of a really good joke when I'm lying in bed, I spend about half an hour convincing myself it's not that good of a joke. This next one comes from Karen C. in Portland, Oregon.

and C in Portland, Oregon. I was outside the downtown Portland Public Library today, which is always chock full of interesting overheards. And I overheard a guy on his cell phone and he sounded really pissed off. He said, if they don't have the data by the day of the seminar, I'm going

to eat my fucking breakfast. Who will make it for you? Yeah, absolutely. Very good question. That's one of those euphemisms that doesn't work because everyone does it yeah but i'm gonna drink a coffee or maybe he's trying to make a positive out of a negative he's like if the dad is not there i'm just gonna have breakfast yeah i'm gonna still get something in it for me. Yeah. Don't worry, be happy. This last one comes from Doug M. in St. Augustine, Florida.

Oh, an American Doug. Oh, yeah. It's a very Canadian name. It's like an American gourd. Are there any American gourds? Write in if you're an American gourd. We're an American gourd. That song's about a pumpkin i was standing in line behind a couple of guys at a mexican restaurant one of the guys in front of me said to the other

i'm a really good fighter but i have my own fighting style i call it jim jitsu then there was a long pause and then he said oh i'm jim by the way inventor of jim jitson yeah why not jim kata yeah oh yeah yeah jim kata jim by the way that's amazing i love how much information that conveys just like this these guys don't know each other that well this is like a kind of opening discussion yeah so i'm a really good fighter it's. I don't even know your name yet. Yeah, do you want to go get burritos? Anyways, I'm a really good fighter. I'm Jim, by the way.

I would say in the times I've introduced myself to a person, that has been the sentence. Oh, I'm Dave, by the way. I usually, I don't like to start with it. When I meet someone new, I assume we're not going to get to know each other. I'll talk a little bit. But once the conversation's gone a little too far that we don't know each other's name yet then i have to what what about this scenario because the explanation that no it makes sense but i was thinking about this similar scenario where if you've met somebody before and they don't recall, do you put it forward that you've met before?

Or do you just go, yeah, that's fine. Go to hell. No, I've done that and there's no way to do it without sounding like an asshole. First of all, I'm usually the one who forgets because I have a horrible memory. But when it goes the other way and I'm like, hey, and they're like, hey, I'm Graham. I'm like, I'm DJ. We've actually met before. There's no way to say that without sounding I'm DJ. We've actually met before. There's no way to say that without sounding like an asshole.

We've actually met before. But if you said, if you were like, oh, we were on that weird show together, then it's, do you know what I mean? Or you can do it. Oh, have we met before?

That's nicer. Yeah, that's nicer. But then if they're like, no, I don't think so. Then you gotta be like, no, we have. I asked it as a question, but I'm telling you,

we've met before. Oh, we definitely met before you held my baby um i always i interrupted your party and i made that why so serious speech i always say nice to see you never nice to meet you just to cover my base uh-huh that's what you have to do if you're the if you meet a lot of people. Someone like me, I meet four people a year. It's easy to keep them straight. Sure. Although, you know, there's too many Brandons.

Yeah. I can't keep the Brandons straight in my life. But I, you know, like, if somebody says, have we met before? Then I feel like it's, you know, then, yes, we did. We met at this thing but yeah i don't i never if somebody doesn't remember me i mean there's a certain upper limit on that with a couple comedians i will not name who i've met in the ballpark of the double digits that are still like hey do i know you well you're infuriating it's not like you

don't have a unique look i know i'm likeating. It's not like you don't have a unique look. I know. I'm like, just remember that we met. You don't have to remember my name or that I'm a comedian or that I exist outside of this realm. But just remember my face. You know me. I'm on the sex offender list. Yes.

He is. I saw you on my map, on my Google map. Do we have that in Canada? We don't. We don't because, and I only realized that because there was a news story about a guy who's being released

into Vancouver. The balaclava rapist? That is... I mean, that's what some people call him. I call him John. I call him Larry. Larry. Larry Takahashi.

He... But we don't have that list. And then it was weird. It was like one of those weird, maybe it wasn't weird, maybe Facebook just has an algorithm that's like serve them up this news story. There's a guy in Alaska that's using the sex offenders list. He's like just tracking

down sex offenders and beating them up. That's cool. Yeah, it is really cool. It's like real life Pokemon Go. Yeah, these kids today don't know how to do vigilante justice. Yeah, so anyways, we don't have that here. Because when I saw that story, I was like, maybe that could be my new thing that I do. You're very good at fighting. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I studied Jim Jitsu. Graham Carter. My name's Graham. Graham Jitsu. It's still Jim Jitsu. I learnedata. My name's Graham. Graham Jitsu. It's still Jim Jitsu. I learned it from this guy, Jim. He was in line at a Mexican place. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls if you would like to call us.

Our phone number is... Number? Number. Our phone number is as follows. 1-844-SPYPOD1. That's one. Ugh, SpyPod 1. Like these people have.

Hi, Dave, Graham, and lovely guest. My name's Nicole. I'm in Burnaby, BC. Hi. I haven't overheard. I was on the SkyTrain the other day, and two guys got on, and they looked maybe like they did construction or something like that.

Anyway, so they sat down, and they started talking about books. And one guy said, have you read Game of Thrones? The other guy said he hadn't. And he said, oh, it's so good. The book is way better than the show. It goes into so much more detail about the sex scenes. It describes all the chicks' bodies. Yeah, they've all got pretty big tits.

I just love the idea that maybe in the books it says, she also had pretty big tits. Did I forget to mention? Like he doesn't proofread, he's just like, that's it, it's done. Oh, one more thing. their tits were pretty big they're all the same size big tits they're different shapes

though um I also the idea that he's writing like that George R.R. Martin is writing

I assume at a typewriter yeah yeah he looks like a guy who would use a typewriter. Just like tapping out those sex scenes. I haven't read any of the books, but there's a lot of them in the show. Yeah.

I guess I don't really. And then they totally banged. And, spoiler alert, they were siblings. That's not a spoiler. alert there were siblings that's not a spoiler but like uh did you read the thing that where george rr martin wrote to stephen kagan was like how do you write these things so fast because it's taking him forever to finish the fucking books that everybody will buy millions of copies yeah and with all this pressure before he was just writing it yeah and now he's a famous person

yeah he's a famous person with people saying you gotta finish it and probably a part of him is like I already gave you so much like why

and he's like I'm probably gonna have a heart attack any day now look at me it's kind of like the book Misery by Stephen King where she's

held him hostage and made him write it the whole world's holding George R.R. Martin hostage right now. And he just wants to, you know, drive around in a DeLorean in Santa Fe or whatever. Yeah. Do you know that that misery was like a metaphor for, yeah.

Yeah. I love Stephen King too, by the way. Yeah, for his cocaine problem. I just read Misery like four days ago. Really? I'd never read it before. Really? I'm a big Stephen King fan, so I was like, I got to read Misery like four days ago. Really? I'd never read it before. Really? I'm a big Stephen King fan, so I was like, I gotta read Misery. And I read

his book On Writing, where he talks about how it was a big metaphor for his drug addiction. So that was kind of in my mind the whole time I was reading it. What are your favorite Kings? The first thing I really liked was Misery. Eastern Promises. I like... I haven't read a. Eastern Promises. I like...

I haven't read a single book of it. Aren't they all enormous? It is amazing. What is? The Shining... The Shining's not a big, huge book. It's a pretty just regular novel-sized novel. I haven't read any of his kind of like non-horror stuff.

Like I haven't read like Green Man. His Noho? I'm so pleased with myself you sure are let's listen the next phone call hello dave graham and awesome guest this is john from vancouver i just got into my car outside of the vancouver tool library and i couldn't figure out why this guy who was waiting for his his wife or friend or something um kept like looking in but he wouldn't stand inside and then as three or four of us were waiting in line we all kind of started giggling because he was outside um farting and he was pulling some pretty loud ones he totally knew what he was doing gave some annoying looks um but it was a pretty great way to end an evening.

Pretty great way to start an evening, if you ask me. Well, thoughtful. Yeah. Staying outside. I think that is one thing that I miss about smoking, is having a convenient excuse to step outside to get all my farting done. So now what am I going to do? Everybody knows what I'm doing out there. Right.

Right. Right. Great. He said he was at the Vancouver Tool Library. Yeah. What that is. It is where you can go. Rent a hammer?

Yeah, you can rent. But, like, more like things that you're only going to ever use once. Like a plumbing snake or a jackhammer. Oh, where is it? Have you been? No, I just know it exists because they have some sort of connection to Habitat for Humanity. Oh. And that's the only reason I know.

And they build your house. Well, it's weird. It's a weird thing I don't want to get into, but they billed the house. They found out I wasn't needy. They asked for a back, and now I'm squatting in the house. Jimmy Carter comes by every day. Oh, God. He offers me a peanut.

He's walking on Coke bottles. Walking on Coke bottles? Who was that? Here's the Jimmy Carter. Here's the scuttlebutt on Carter. Here's the Coca-Cola candidate. Okay. He's from the South.

Is he even from Georgia, maybe? Peanut farmer. Yep. One summer, he has fallen arches, and so he spent a summer working on a peanut farm with Coke bottles strapped to his feet so he could have an arch on his feet so he could join the military. Really? Yeah. Who did that join the military. Really? Yeah. Who did that? Jimmy Carter.

Really? The Coca-Cola candidate. Yeah. That's amazing. So he had fallen arches and they would have turned him away for service. So he made arches so that he could be in the military? No further questions. Here's your

final overheard. Hi, Dave Graham and inexplicable guest. This is James from Boston. Was walking down the street with a couple of coworkers. Oh, this is an overheard. Doy. Was walking down the street with a coworker and saw a couple who looked to be under the influence pretty heavily of some opiates. And the guy says to the girl as he's just shuffling along behind her, I don't know what

to tell you, honey. My heart's with you, but my dick's with her. Yeah, that's like the Hillary slogan. I'm with her. Yeah. My dick's with her. My dick's with her. Gotta admire the her. Yeah. My dick's with her. My dick's with her. Wow.

Gotta admire the honesty. Yeah. I mean, that's not going to work out, for sure. Well, maybe it will work out. Or either, because the other girl's like, what, I don't have your heart? Yeah. Or maybe she's cool with that. I don't know their setup.

Yeah, that's true. We don't know their setup. But which would you rather have? Heart, probably, right? Heart or dick? Yeah. Heart, I would assume. We don't know their setup. But which would you rather have? Heart, probably, right? Heart or dick? Yeah. Heart, I would assume. Am I a woman?

What? You're whatever you are. You're a John Mayer fan. Yeah. Super fan, really. Yeah. I'm a super cool dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. I guess I'd rather... Would you rather have someone's heart or their dick? Yeah, I mean mean I don't know I really don't I really don't know It depends on what you're It depends on if I

Love them Like if I'm like Well that's That's the heart Exactly But then if they're I love them And they only want to give me

The dick Yeah Game of Thrones A song of heart and dick. And a man. Yeah, that does bring us to the end of the show. DJ, this is going to come out in September. Do you have any dates, anything you want to plug?

You going to be anywhere? I don't know where I'm going to be, but I filmed a special. We're almost done editing it. I think that should be out pretty soon. Okay, putting it out yourself? Yeah, we're trying to distribute it, seeing where that's going to end up. But that should be out probably, hopefully, October. Sorry, and I talked over the name of it.

Indistinct Chatter, which is kind of ironic that you talked over it. It's a lot of fun. It was just a lot of Indistinct Chatter. So, yeah, I was watching Eye in the Sky yesterday with the subtitles on, and they were two different. There was indistinct chatter and indistinct conversation. What's the diff?

Not sure. Okay. So look, and that'll be probably, it would probably be on, at least on iTunes. Yeah, again, we're trying to figure out who we're going to sell it to or what distribution.

You know what? I'll buy it. When it's out, it'll be somewhere. I'm going to be the Martin Shkreli of this. I'm going to buy. I'm going to give you a million dollars for it. Not going to put it up. If people want to follow you online, where can they find?

Twitter, Facebook, website, DJ Demers. You're the guy. Snapchat. There's no other dj follow his story on snapchat tell him your story exchange stories

thanks so much for being our guest thank you thanks for having me it's just as fun as the first time right yeah maybe more fun

maybe a little more fun more fun yeah we learned a lot more yeah yeah we really dug deep and if you out there like the show,

you should head over to MaximumFun.org. Check out the blog recap of this episode, pictures and videos of things we talked about. John Mayer, for sure. Daughters, sure.

Yeah. Well, just, you know what? Why don't... Put up a picture of his sexy, pathetic guitar playing. Wait, no, not sexy.

I don't know where my head was. My dick belongs to you, John. Also, we forgot to plug a couple of things in recent weeks. We were guests on a podcast called the R-I-Y-L cast.

Read if you like podcasts. Right. With our friend Brian Heater. That will be a month old at this point. But it's still relevant to today's climate. We were guests on Judge John Hodgman. Not guests. Guests bailiffs.

Guests bailiffs on two episodes of Judge John Hodgman. One was called This is the Sound of a Raffle. And I forget what the second one was called, but I forget what the second one was about. Oh, it was about wedding or engagement photos. And we said at the same time, jinx. Um, and, uh, yeah. So listen to those. Oh, I will also be a guest on Jimmy Pardo's podcast. Never not Funny.

Wow. One of the donor, or not donor, subscription Players Club episodes. What is that? How does that work? Are you up here or are you going down there for it? I'm going down there. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, next week I'll be down there. Oh, that's a lot of fun.

And, you know, if you like the show. Oh, also, coming up this week. Oh, you know, if you like the show. Oh, also, coming up this week. Oh, boy. Look at this guy. Episode five of our debut album. Oh, yes. Yes.

Graham and I wrote up a little power pop song. Yeah. It's a lot of fun. What about an ashtray? And for you out there, if you want to go to iTunes, leave us a nice review. That'd be great. If you like the show, please do tell your friends. And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org

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