Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 454 - Amy Goodmurphy

Episode Date: November 28, 2016

Comedian Amy Goodmurphy joins us to talk scary movies, Play-Doh, and little earthquakes.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 454 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who was very kind and cleaned up all of his nuts as soon as I entered the house, Mr. Dave Shumka. I was making a miso tahini kale salad with pistachios. Wow. I was chopping up pistachios didn't realize how close we were getting to showtime and there was pistachios everywhere now uh this is a something

you saw on tv or no no this is a staple this is oh really made it many times oh it sounds like something like i'm gonna try some no it's new it's a winner yeah yeah sounds good although i don't know what a pistachio tastes like, but. You don't need them in there. Are they salty? Are they like a. Yeah. Well, I mean, these ones are salted.

The local grocery stores, they used to sell them not in the shell and it was so much better. Now I have to shell them. Oh yeah. Like the pioneers. Yeah. Also, you know what I haven't seen in 100,000 years? Those red pistachios. Yeah.

They made your fingers all red. They make your lips red, too. Make you look like you're wearing pretty lipstick. Mm-hmm. Our guest today, a very funny comedian. She's one half of the Ryan and Amy show, which has a show in the Just for Laughs Northwest Comedy Festival. It's Amy Goodmurphy. Hi, guys. Hi. Welcome. Thank you. Thanks for having me. Just for Laughs Northwest Comedy Festival a jacket. You're wearing a is that a starter jacket? It's yes it is

and I'm wearing a two. What is the squadron? Well my girlfriend works for Herschel. Oh okay. A backpack company.

The backpack folks. The backpack guys. Yeah the backpack guys. And they have sometimes they have swag for their employees. Ah fun.

So I stole it. That's fun. I just saw the H on there and I didn't know I didn't know the who what it was but. I just saw the H on there And I didn't know I didn't know who what it was Herschel Herschel

Yes Yeah, swag is It's a tough one Because sometimes you have to like Explain it to a lot of people Yeah What it is Because it's an inside job

It's an inside gig When I was a young man That was the hottest jacket around. I know. And a black one in satin would be you would either be the San Antonio Spurs,

the LA Raiders, or the Los Angeles Kings. Oh, yeah. And I remember a couple of really bad dudes in high school having the Raiders one. Oh, yeah. My brother had one a couple of really bad dudes in high school having the Raiders one. Oh, yeah. My brother had one. And was he a bad dude? He's a cop now, but he was.

He worked both sides of the law. Was he undercover in high school? He started really young as a cop. So, yeah, he went undercover in high school, elementary school as well. But do you guys remember, so I used to steal his starter stuff. Uh-huh. And it was mostly Raiders. Right. And do you guys remember, maybe my friends and I made this up, but in the logo, did you

know that you could, on the inside, you could peel it? There were layers of it and it was like a secret thing that you could like collect the like inside, like for nothing. But like you could, you know, anything collectible. Yeah. I remember ripping his clothes. That sounds weird. I remember going into his closet when he wasn't home and getting his clothes.

Come over here, big boy. Okay, alright. So, but it was on the back, on the inside. And it didn't damage it in any way. I don't know. I just secretly did it. Because sometimes you'll get things that are embroidered and you look on the inside. And it didn't damage it in any way. I don't know. I just secretly did it. Because sometimes you'll get things that are embroidered and you look on the inside and there's like, there's something, when you embroider something, you need to have a backing on it. Yeah.

Right. Yeah. So there's like a little plasticky, fabric-y. I don't know. Maybe they were knockoffs. I don't know. Maybe. I remember somebody in high school collecting you know when

you open it like a soda can and then you pull the whole apparatus off like not just the tab but also the little notch that the tab is attached oh yeah when you spin it around yeah and he had like a bag of those gonna make a chain mail hey you like what you like yeah that's true you know what at least he wasn't collecting heroin. That's true. I've never tried this stuff, but I collect it. It's all in box. I think it's going up in value as we speak.

Hey, so you know how there's this big... This is going to be a fun topic conversation. You know how the heroin is killing everyone now? Sure, yeah. It contains fentanyl. Fentanyl. Why do they make fentanyl?

To kill people? No, fentanyl... Because it's like the tiniest amount can kill people. This is the 411 that somebody let me in on about what it is. So fentanyl... What it is, Graham. What it is. Lay it on me.

Graham Clark. Fentanyl is used predominantly in uh like cancer patients for pain management and it's uh the the i didn't i didn't think this could get sadder no it's gonna get sadder just the medical grade stuff is not the stuff that you're finding in heroin but it's very easy like who's making boo like fentanyl all these gangster guys because it's very easy to make what do you need uh i'm not a libertarian but apparently they're not ingredients like uh if you were making meth and you have to get all this cough medicine oh like it's not anything that would send up a a warning sign Oh, okay. If you bought a lot of it. But it just seems like

so many people are dying that it's bad for business. Well, that's what I said to this guy. And the reason I know this is because I talked to a guy who made a documentary about it. Oh, wow. And so I said that exact same thing.

I was like, isn't this bad for business? And he's like, these are not businessmen. They're these gangsters and stuff. They're monsters. They don't care. They'll find out. It's these gangsters and stuff. They're monsters. They don't care. They'll find us. It's a very gangsta episode.

I know. My brother. All of this. Is your brother a policeman here? Yes. He's in West Van. Okay. Yeah.

No crime over there. He drives around. No, there's undercover stuff happening out there. Really? I'm not at liberty to say. Well, then don't. I don't want to get you in trouble. I can't tell you.

Well, don't. Okay. Does he ever tell you crazy stories about the job? He does sometimes, but he's a cool guy, but he's not it's just in the way of like, he's not like a douche cop, you know, like he's a nice guy. He would genuinely cares, but he also sort of, uh, follows the rules quite, uh, by the book, just in the way of like, I can't tell you. Cause you know, like we're not allowed to share information. Sometimes I might get a little bit, but I do have a friend who, uh, is Vancouver police and I won't say her name but I know a whole lot about a lot that goes on in this city and I'm very scared all the time what's the

craziest thing that goes on really like well yeah if you're not if you're protecting her identity aren't you yeah or his or her or maybe they don't identify as either that's right yeah right um what's the craziest thing I don't I mean oh that's a good question I don't identify as either. That's right. Right? What's the craziest thing? I don't, I mean, oh, that's a good question. I don't know. I'm on the spot and I'm not sure. No, that's fine. Well, I'll go around and say something crazy.

Okay. Like. Eating worms. For money. That's way, no. Well, that was going to be mine and now i don't know what to say it's not that messed up playing spin the bottle with all ugly people okay that's fucked no um is uh your friend who is a police officer is a woman big small uh on the smaller side but

very strong yeah because sometimes i've seen a smaller police woman and I'm like, I bet you could kill me. I bet you could kill me. Oh yeah, for sure. Yeah, like with one strike to the whatever. A hundred percent. She is ferocious as hell. Yeah. Yeah, scary.

Just to get through that academy, you know? What do they call that academy? I don't want to say because then i'll just start laughing and i'll never stop um did you ever want to be a cop or anything like that growing up or you always i want to be a entertainer folk no um i never wanted to be a cop i could never be a cop no i'm scared of i'm scared my dad grew up telling me that i was scared of my own shadow like every five minutes like you're scared like so annoyed with me all the time. I'm just scared all the time. Do you have phobias?

I just am a sensitive soul. Okay. I'm like very like, I'm very, I'm sensitive and I'm very like jumpy. Like I don't like, if I'm deep in thought and somebody makes a weird sound, I get like electric shock bolts through my body. Yeah, like, okay, cool. Real fun. You mother.

This is, okay, cool. Real fun. You mother. This is sick. Does anyone do that thing where you're like walking and your friend jumps out behind the door? That's fun. Okay, it's not fun. It's not fun for me. I have ex-friends that do that to me. I'll tell you that. Okay?

Okay. So people don't, do not prank you. No, I tell them not to prank me. Well, boy, that really gets a prankster all itchy. Okay, listener. Don't prank Amy. Do not prank me. I'm serious.

It's not funny. I do not laugh. I'm not like, oh, you got me, and now it's fun. I'm like, what the fuck? I think it's for the prankster to laugh. Okay, well, that sounds very nice. It's not very nice. There aren't too many

shareable pranks. Yeah. Like where we both got pranked. Where we both get a good laugh. The prank of the magi. I was going to prank you,

but then you pranked me. Are you guys pranksters? Mm-hmm. Oh, great. Yeah, yeah. We were voted number one prankster. I heard about that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Because I work for a paint bucket company yeah and i'll i uh i'm a french guy that works on just for like yeah yeah yeah yeah okay cool um has has anybody ever pranked you got me good yeah um i mean my brother used to my oldest brother i have two brothers my oldest who's not a, who's not an undercover cop in high school. Yeah. Yeah.

Couldn't hack it. He was too dirty. He was too dirty. So, uh, he used to sit in, I mean, he used to prank me all the time, but he would sit in, um, like I would walk into a room and the lights would be off and I'd sort of look in and see a figure and he would sit quietly and still with a sheet over his body and he would just sit on the couch and then i would be curious and i would flick on the lights and then he would either sit there and not move which freaked the shit out yeah that's that's more scary that's more that's scarier or he would just get up slowly and move his head weird and walk towards me oh no so scary but you know it was him no i mean i'm i wasn't always sure how old were you

at this time i was this happened throughout my life until about probably 15 okay yeah yeah what do you think like nine ten is the most like scaredy cat years where you're like well i don't want to go downstairs man just like even though nothing's down there i don't know even even a little younger yeah there's under i want to look under my bed. Oh yeah, under the bed. In the closet. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I think like I remember, you know, like maybe having to go outside because I left something outside that I would get in trouble for leaving outside but only remembering it after it was dark. Yeah. It was so scary.

I still am afraid to go out after dark. Well, now you got raccoons and all sorts of things to contend with out in the backyard. Sometimes stuff comes, like we, I put the garbage out just on the porch so I could take it out. But it didn't end like one in the afternoon the other day.

And an animal had gotten into it by two. Like it wasn't dark out. And there wasn't even food in it. Yeah. It was like I just want I need to find an old receipt. I'm trying to return

a pelt. That sounds legit. Do you have anything that you were afraid of as a kid that's carried into adult life? Well I was full traumatized by the movie, the exorcist. Oh,

I watched that around probably nine or 10 actually. And I forced my mom to see, like, I always liked, I always wanted to watch scary stuff, but I could never handle it. So I would watch it. And then,

and then that was it. Like my mom was like, now I have to sleep with you in your bed for like the next month because you're scared shitless. That's a weird thing you saw. The exorcist stayed with me probably till I was like, now I have to sleep with you in your bed for like the next month because you're scared shitless. Right. That's a weird thing you saw. The Exorcist stayed with me probably till I was like, honestly, like 20 years old. But that one's like you went for the scariest movie around. It's like, I was really scared of Child's Play.

Oh, yeah. But you watching it now, it's hilarious. Like, it is hilarious. Yeah. But The Exorcist is still scared i could never watch it again we really just watched it again like i actually full went to therapy for it like i couldn't i went i went and had to see like a specialist because i could not get her out of my head it was so like in my head every time i closed my eyes i saw her face yeah it was like

real fucked up yeah exactly like tetris yes um Exactly like Tetris. Yes. Um, I, yeah, I don't think, uh, I was never into the scary stuff. Like I do, I mean,

I tried to watch scary movies with friends and it never, they, I got some scares but it never really stuck with me

and I'm not like one of those guys who's like, I'm into horror. Yeah, I had a couple friends that were really into horror movies and that's what they wanted to do Friday night which was just like, I'm into horror. Yeah, I had a couple friends that were really into horror movies.

And that's what they wanted to do Friday night. Which was just watch like six horror movies. They could just watch it and then get over it. Those are those assholes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm scared and it was so good. And then it's just like they never watched it. But most of them wouldn't.

I wouldn't find them scared. Find them scary in the moment, but not later. But then there was a couple that were like, really stick with me. Did you guys ever watch Unsolved Mysteries? Yeah. Yeah, just the music's scary.

It was so scary. I used to watch it with my oldest brother, Matt, who was a sick fuck. Was it Robert Stack? Is that who the host was? I can't remember,

but he talked like this. Yeah. Yeah. He invented pancake stacks. Oh my God. You are full of just amazing knowledge i was voted uh number one knowledgeable guy another vote system yeah are you sure um uh that one and rescue 911 i mean rescue 911 didn't scare me but but they were like parallel shows

that's right and unsolved Mysteries was largely about somebody who did a murder. And like it wasn't like Bigfoot. Well, it would be, it would be like Lights in the Sky. And ghosts. Ah, so scary.

Yeah, ghosts. Yep. Oh, ghosts. And ghosts. Scary. Yeah, scary. Ghosts that sit under sheets in your fucking living room.

Did you ever prank back? Too scared. Would scare myself. Can't. Yeah. True. I'm under a sheet. Oh my,

maybe I'm a goat. That's true. I would get too freaked. Did you, have you ever enjoyed any scary movie or anything? I can handle

like murder, like Chainsaw Massacre, like, what is that? Like a thriller, like murder thriller sort of thing I can do that or like joyride

I love joyride what's joyride is that Paul Walker yes remember candy cane I didn't see it okay well you probably want to see it

after I just did that candy cane you'll get it just watch it thank you what is what is the general premise of joyride

joyride is about Santa Claus. No, no. That's late, right? That's not good. It's about a guy who goes on a road trip with his brother and his new girlfriend, and they have this CB radio. That's what it's called, right?

Oh, I remember this. Yeah, and the brother and the girlfriend are like, hey, fuck off. We're trying to be on a sex road trip. Yeah, we're trying to fuck for the first time because we're nervous. Yeah, why not? Well, I'm really nervous

so he brought me brother. That's basically the whole... He'll just play with his CB radio. It'll be fine. He talks like a chick on it to this truck driver and he's like, hey. Who is this?

Paul Walker and... Paul Walker and another guy who I really like but I forget his name and then the girl who's... I'm Googling it. Yeah, sorry. I forget their name. And then the girl who's. I'm Googling it. Yeah, sorry. I forget the name.

There's just no hint. But I remember this because don't they like kind of they prank him. Yes. On the CB. And then all of a sudden he's following them, right? Then he hunts them in his truck. In his semi truck. See, that's the that.

I find that scarier than the, you know, like. Steve Zahn. Steve Zahn. And Lily Sobieski. Yes. Oh, what a cast. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

That's a cast. They won an Academy Award. So I think probably 2000. Oh, 2000, yeah. No, 2000. Oh, yeah. What year was it? 2001.

Ooh. And the whole time, it's got the spookiest song, Joyride by Roxette. Yes. That was the scariest part. said hello you fool i love you yeah but like the like the monster ones never scared me it was always if it was just like a guy yeah or misery when i was a kid i watched misery and that freaked me out because uh he

drives off the road going up a mountain road we're always going up mountain roads as a kid i was like what if we all get miseried yeah yeah i mean we hadn't written a book um but i was afraid of thriller that was my big thing oh yeah, yeah. It's creepy. And just the album, not the video. Fair. And the other thing was arachnophobia. I wasn't really afraid of it. I loved it. That was the one scary thing I loved as a kid.

Did you ever watch Birds? The Birds? Like Alfred Hitchcock? Yeah. Yeah. That freaked the shit out of me. It's freaky. Yeah.

Birds for a long time. Couldn't go outside for a bit. Well, yeah. we have so many of them here. Yeah. There was a crazy show when I was a kid that as an adult, I looked it up and it turns out it was a comedy show, but it scared the shit out of me when I was a kid. MASH?

Night Court? Yeah. MASH is good too. Yeah, MASH is You do have to look that up to find out what it is. This is supposed to be funny They're like doing surgery And there's a laugh track

That's pretty weird The cross-dresser forever As a child I was like I don't know I just don't understand It was fine Yeah

But I didn't understand But you're like Well yeah What does that mean There's a lot of Was he trying to get out Of the military Yeah

Yes Because But it didn't work The first time Why does he keep doing it Try try again Was he trying to get out of the military? Yeah. Yes. But it didn't work the first time. Why does he keep doing it? Try, try again. Like how much women's clothing did he bring with him to Korea?

Yeah, I guess that is a very good question because he always had different outfits. It wasn't just him in like a military personnel nurse outfit or whatever. It was. I think he had jewelry too. Did not have. He had jewelry. A lot of times he would have a purse too. Where'd he get that from?

Yeah. Maybe he went into town, Korea town. Yeah. Little Korea. Yeah. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead.

Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead.

Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead.

Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead.

Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead.

Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead.

Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. go ahead. it was this show i think it was a cbc show it was called seeing things and this guy would he had the ability to see like a horrible thing that was going to happen before it happened and but they

played this crazy music every time he saw the thing and he was like this bald guy with a mustache looked a lot like chris lock and uh anyways uh, anyways, like, as a kid, terrified me. And then I looked it up, I was like, what was that super scary show? Turns out it was like a comedy. And he was the lead? He was the lead, yeah. Has there been a bald guy with a mustache who was the lead on a show in the past

30 years? You know who it feels like should be bald but isn't? Kevin James. Kevin James feels like he should be bald. I think he would be if not for a little corrective surgery. Yeah. But he looks like the right candidate to be like, I'm a bald. Yeah.

Let's have some barbecue. I don't know why I'm stuck on barbecue because you said barbecue maybe. When did you? I think this is the first time I've heard barbecue. Korean barbecue. Oh, okay. When did you? I think this is the first time I've heard barbecue. Korean barbecue. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's why.

Yeah, there haven't been, though. Bald, because it's so fixable now. Mm-hmm. That why? Who were the bald TV stars of the past? Telly Savalas. Yeah. Al Waxman.

Was Al Waxman bald? Yeah. Oh, my God. He was the guy from that 70s show, The Dead. Oh, yeah, but not a lead. No. Oh, bunker was he bald sure yeah um one of the guys for mash yeah the oldest one yeah yeah clinger good call did you watch mash when you were growing up i hate i hated. Me too. I hated it. It was on a slot. It was color, like, ugly as hell. Yeah. Like, the filter, whatever they were using.

The opening music was in front of just, like, this sad music in front of a beige, sad background of a helicopter. Oh, it was awful. And it was on, like, in a time slot that was, like, right after a really good show. Like, I don't know, TGIF or something. Yeah. I was, like, loving. And then it would come on and I'd be like, ugh. It was.

It signaled that you had to go do something else. Yeah. What would have been? Ah, MASH is on. Oh, well. Yeah. It was sort of just like, yeah, all the fun after school things are over. Yeah.

This is time. It's time to now. What fucking MASH came out? Set the table. Yeah, yeah. Go be with family. Go start time to now. Fucking mash can. Set the table. Yeah, yeah. Go be with family. Start on your homework. No.

Now, speaking of watching TV, I saw via Facebook that you are just, is it only just now that you're tucking into Saved by the Bell? Well, I was. It's all right. Hi. I watched it as a tween. Okay. As a child.

Sure. Reruns, I guess, because I don't think that they were on when I was younger. And then I just got a channel. I have basic cable at my house, so I just have like one to like 40. Okay. What's on channel one these days? I don't. Okay.

Channel two to 40. Okay. You son of a bitch. You sick son of a bitch. I think it's actually, no, I think one is a channel. Channel one I think is now like what's on demand. It's a bitch. You sick son of a bitch. I think it's, actually, no. I think one is a channel. The channel one, I think, is now, like, what's on demand. It's a thing.

Yeah. It's something new. It's usually just like, here's the amenities of this hotel. Yeah, exactly. It's the first channel you've ever done. But, yeah, I started watching it. I realized that we got a channel now. I forget what the channel is called.

But it's, oh, Much Music maybe is playing it or something. Some channel I realized that I got it, that we have it now. So now I've sort of tuned in. So you've like got back in. Yeah. Now do you, is it as you remember it or are you discovering new little nuances in it? I still love it. Yeah.

But I like, I just like, it gives me a good feeling and I can get into it. But I am picking up more things now than i did before like when i was posting about that weed party oh yeah johnny dakota oh my god he was said it's no big deal and was like come on do it and then his buddy was like so pressuring yeah do it and then zach showed up and was like just little things i noticed like now when they like how stupid their scenes are like before i was loving it and then Zach showed up and was like just little things I noticed like now when they like how stupid their scenes are like before I was loving it and this stupid scene he came back to the party and he jumped into the party

and was like hey guys I'm back but like no one gave a shit and he's just a guest at the party like he doesn't know anybody well and now as an adult you know that that like that's not a real entrance yeah yeah when you're a kid you're like oh yeah

back at the party yeah you go to a party people pressure you to do substances there's a fun like weird super pressuring buddy douche always yeah come on like yeah do it you're a loser well and why would they care yeah it's just somebody's tucking into their marijuana yeah like what about when she said no thanks? Like, okay, cool. Like, why are you, why does she have to do it? Like, yeah, I can see if they are, if they're like creeps, I can see them like spiking her drink or something. Totally. Right.

But what is pot going to make her like horny? Yeah, exactly. Don't you want to get laid, man? Make her smoke pot. Yeah. Oh, she's just eating all our chips. No, because presumably in this Johnny Dakota episode, I don't remember, but he's trying to make the moves. It was the same by the Bell episode.

Don't get it confused with the spinoff Johnny Dakota series. Yeah. Don't get it twisted. He was trying to make the moves on Kelly. Yeah. Don't get it twisted. He was trying to make the moves on Kelly. Yeah. So why would embarrassing her in front of his friend about not wanting to smoke pot, why would that help his cause?

Also, isn't she a minor? He was not. Yeah, no, he was a famous movie star who had come to Bayside to do an anti-drug PSA over a few days. He came to scout the location personally. But nobody talked about the fact that the main thing was drugs. There was no, like, she's fucking 15. Yeah.

I don't know how old he is. And she's at his party. I don't know how old he is and she's at his party I don't know yeah and there was also my favorite twist in that is that

is that Mr. Belding's related to Brandon Tartica yeah no no he's an old they're like college friends oh yeah yeah yeah and then he comes in

and he like the head of NBC that's supposed to be as you at home as a kid like oh the Brandon Tartica yeah if you're at home

you're like oh they couldn't get Keanu Reeves. Oh, but they got less moon vegs. Oh, shit. Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah. That was a good one. That was a good one.

Not all of them were morality tales, but once in a while, there was the one, remember, he drank and he crashed the. Oh, and they crashed Lisaisa's parents car in their togas yeah away the parents were away weren't they yeah and uh slater said he could fix it up but uh there was something there was some twist their conscience got to them maybe oh maybe no it was um i watched every episode and i even as, I was like, I know this isn't very good, but it does make me feel good. Like it's, I like it. I'm not watching it ironically, but it's, and it's, uh, I know it's not great, but it's,

it's, it's, it's like junk food. Totally. I liked it. And I, they had funny moments. Like some moments were actually like pretty funny. Like I thought they were like, like stupid funny, like kid funny. I loved it. And they had funny moments. Like some moments were actually like pretty funny. Like I thought they were like stupid funny, like kid funny. I loved it. Yeah. But did you know that Saved by the Bell started as I think something like class with Miss Bliss? Good morning, Miss Bliss.

Good morning. Oh, shit. Yeah, you're getting schooled. Okay. We were voted the number one most knowledgeable Saved by the Bellers. Okay, no, you weren't. You were not. That's not even true. And it originally took place in Minnesota. Yes. And for some reason, they moved three of the students to California with the school.

And Mr. Belding, was he? I don't think he was there right away, was he? I don't know if he was the original principal. He might have been. don't know if he was the original principal huh that must be uh he i think he's got it the weirdest of anybody because he was an adult when that was first on and then he's just like now an old man so that people who grew up with it would be like you're mr belding like the rest of them got to be kids and then grow into adults and have other careers, but he was already an adult. So he was, what career was he going to change into after

post-save? Yeah, that's true. I could see him being a guy on like Law & Order SVU or something. Oh, sure. Once in a while. Yeah, yeah. Like just popping up and being like, oh yeah, like the dad from Family Ties. I feel like you see him around a lot. What did all the Save by the Bellers move on to?

Zach. He's on a baseball show. the Bellers move on to? Zach. He's on... He's on a baseball show. He's on Pitch now. Pitch. Before that, he was on... Suits? Franklin and Bash. Oh, yeah.

Or Suits. And something else, too. He was on Saved by the Bell, the new class. Yeah. Okay, that was it. Yeah. Slater. He's Mario Lopez.

He's, like, on everything. He's a host. He like on everything He's a host He hosts And he's A great person I think Yeah No for sure And a hottie

A little hottie Kelly She She went to 90210 Yeah Yes And then didn't she Oh boy

I feel like she was on some other I think so too I can't remember I remember watching her She was Valerie I she was on some other. I think so, too. I can't remember. I remember watching her. She was Valerie, I think, on 90210. Valerie? I think. I can't remember.

And then she did do something else after, but I don't know what it is. Me neither. She wasn't on Melrose Place. No. No. And then Jessie Spano. Showgirls. Showgirls.

Showgirls. I was going to say Showgirls. And then I think she was on one of the CSIs for a while. Yes. She was like on maybe Miami. She was a reIs for a while. Yes. She was like, she was a reoccurring. Yeah. She was like,

she had a history with David Caruso. That's right. I think either she was the sister of his wife who died. And that's why you always wear sunglasses. Some dumb thing like that. Do you know what else she was on? She was a horny lesbian on the L word. Oh,

okay. But she was super horned and she was on? She was a horny lesbian on the L Word. Oh. Oh. Yes. Oh. Okay. She showed up and she was super horned and she was going after Bette, one of the characters. Which one was Bette? Bette is, what's her name? She's the, I'm sorry, I'm terrible with names.

She's the famous one on the L Word. She's from, not Flashdance, but. Jennifer Beal? Yes. Yeah. Yes. Is that Flashdance? I think so.

I get all those mixed up and I never watched any of them. If it was an 80s dance movie, I didn't see it. I got into that show for a while because... The L word? The L word, yeah.

You did? Yeah, because a friend of mine was a reoccurring character on it. No way. And he played like a creepy video guy that like lived with oh boy how did it was it wario yes yeah i remember right i watched all of them yeah yeah he so he was like a guy hooked up another guy with like webcams and stuff yeah sam easton oh yeah he was a guest yeah so

then i watched the few episodes that he was on, but it was during a marathon. So I was like, there's no reason not to keep watching. I never saw a second of it. Is it good? It's, you know, it's kind of Melrose Placey. Yeah. It was very military. They shot it here.

Is that right? Yeah. They did. It's mostly like, like gay, gay females were watching the L word. You pointed at yourself. I was pointing at myself. Oh, I was into queer as folk that was my thing

really was that was that also the same type of show I don't think that was as successful I think that was maybe they tried

to Americanize a British thing yeah they did and it didn't last long the L word though that was on for a long time

they did really good there's a lot of gay content unfortunately that doesn't last very long or doesn't have on for a long time. They did really good. There's a lot of like gay content unfortunately that doesn't last very long or doesn't have like a super good base.

Like there's not a lot of just purely like the L word was like purely like they had straight relationships and straight friends and things like that but it was mostly about

lesbian relationships was the whole basis. Is that what the L word was? That's what the L word though the L actually the L stands for all different, all different types of words.

Love, lust, lesbian, lions. Lock it up. Lingerie, lock it up. Lock it up. Listen. Yeah, listen. Loud.

Listen. Yeah. Yeah, it was pretty good. Like it was on for a good amount of time. Did they do like a Sesame Street style thing when someone was like, listen, a big like purple L would come up on screen?

That's exactly what they did. Yes. It was just. You've seen it. Yeah. Every episode is brought to you by the letter L. Yes. That's.

But it was. It was a show. If you watched a couple episodes, you could easily get addicted to it. Like it was very like, oh, she's going to cheat on her. And this is going to happen. So much drama. Who is the one? Anyway, Lisa Turtle. Yeah, Lisa Turtle.

When it was on a soap opera and then had a very sad kind of mental breakdown. Yeah, and she had very, maybe some strange plastic. Sure, and Screech, the most successful stand-up comedian in the game. He got in trouble. What for?

Jail time. Yeah. He stabbed somebody. He did? Yeah, on Christmas Day. What? It was a Make-A-Wish Kids wish. Three Screech come sailing in on Christmas Day.

Come stabbing in the mouth. Yes. Yeah. I'm going to just do Bayside themed. And Mr. Belding, I think professionally is Mr. Belding. Like he goes to. Oh, sure. I think he runs a karaoke night.

He did a play. Oh, yeah? Or a musical or something. Oh, he was in the Mr. Belding play, waiting for Belding. Yeah, so is that what it is? No. Oh, my God. I think it might be, though.

It's something like that. Was he really in like a one-man show about his time as Mr. Belding. Yeah. So is that what it is? No. Oh my God. I think it might be though. It's something like that. Was he really in like a one man show about his time as Mr. Belding? I don't know if it was a one man show, but it was like either a musical or a play or something. And he was in it. Feeling kind of Belding. That was it. Belding Express.

Beldy. Mr. Beld. Beldy. Belding. How to succeed in Belding without really trying trying that was it yeah it's one of those i can't remember oh man uh dave what's going on with you man um i'm trying to think of a like a hamilton belding yeah yeah yeah i think we all were. How does a principal bastard son of Mrs. Belvin. And a preppy.

Anyway, here's what's going on. Lately, this show of ours has been, it's usually, these shows are kind of evergreen. We talk about whatever's going on. Absolutely. If you download it one week, you don't really need to be keeping up with the news. But lately, the last few episodes have been talking about the the world series and then that episode comes out a week a week later right yeah because of our schedule and um or like the election and i just want to go on record that i think uh duane the rock johnson will never be the sexiest man alive. I mean, I don't think it'll ever be proven wrong.

So what... That was that? That was that. What does one get? Do they just get the title or do they get a plaque? They get a wrestling belt. Oh, wow. Cool.

That's nice. Yeah. Do you know how it started? No. They were doing... People Magazine in like 1985 was doing a story on Mel Gibson. And someone, I don't know if it was someone on the staff was like, oh, he's the sexiest man alive. And they made that the headline.

And then they just decided, oh, we should do this every year. That's so stupid. And one year it should be Nick Nolte. No. No, what? Really? Yeah, 1991, 92. Prince of Tide.

Prince of Tide's time. Wow. Do we want to go through who's been it? Yeah, 1991, 92. Prince of Tide. Prince of Tide's time. Wow. Do we want to go through who's been it? Yeah, I'm kind of interested. Okay. Like, for sure, Mel Gibson. Well, he started, no, he was the first Mel Gibson? Yeah.

Tom Cruise, I think, maybe has been it once. Brad Pitt. I think maybe even Harrison Ford. Yes, I think he did. Bradley Cooper. I think Liam Neeson's done it. What's the X-Men guy? Oh, Hugh Jackman.

Hugh Jackman. I think he might have won it like a couple times. Gibson. Yeah. Following year, Harmon. Excuse me? Mark Harmon. Oh, I thought you said Dan Harmon from Harmon Quest.

So we went Gibson, Harmon, Hamlin. Whoa. Harry Hamlin. Harry Hamlin. From Mad Men. Do you know Harry Hamlin? No. He was on L.A. Law.

Is there a photo? Oh, shoot. Is he cute? Sort of. Harry Hamlin. Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes. He's married to that soap opera

Is he Lisa Rinna Is he married to Yes You know you're I was voted Number one More sexiest

Knowledgeable No you weren't Most sexiest Sexiest Most knowledgeable Man alive 1988 Alright

JFK Jr Okay Yes Sean Connery Whoa That would have been That's weird Is it like one of those things That's weird All right. JFK Jr. Okay. Yes. Sean Connery. Whoa. That would have been, that's weird. Is it like one of those things? That's weird.

Like where somebody doesn't win an Oscar for so many years and then they just give them one? Like, we should have given this to you in the 60s. I knew, we had like a lady who lived in our basement who loved him. Sean Connery? Yeah, I think it was just, there was a lot of women who, I think whoever you think you're sexy, who is sexy when you're 20, you think it forever. Oh, okay. Even if. Who is your 20 year old crush still?

I mean, he, Sean Connery is your bald, bald guy with a mustache. Not Sean Connery. I liked Kevin from the Backstreet Boys. Oh yeah? Yeah. Pretty, Kevin from the Backstreet Boys. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Pretty harmless. Yeah. Mark harmless.

No one like, yeah. Also on the Sean Connery cover, they have sexiest athlete, Michael Jordan. Oh. Oh. Sexiest big guy, John Goodman. Wait, what? No, they don't. Yes.

They don't have a sexiest big guy. And sexiest hunk Ken Wall From TV's Wise Guy Wow I don't know about The sexiest big guy Not because

Like why do they Have to say Yeah why can't John Goodman Just be the guy Also why are Is everyone else On the list

Not a hunk Well yeah exactly I'll be writing The next Was Tom Cruise, 1990. Patrick Swayze, 91. Swayze! Yes.

Of course. Of course. 92, Nick Nolte. Okay. That was a mistake. 93, Gear. Well, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then he just ran the bar until the 2000s. Yeah, he's a hunk. He's a hunk. He's a classic hunk. Yeah, that's... Brad Pitt. Sure. 95 and 2000. Oh, a classic hunk. Brad Pitt. Sure.

95 and 2000. Oh, God. We're only at 95. 96, Denzel. Yes. Ah. George Clooney, 97 and 2006. Another yes.

Look, they're all sexy. Well, Sean Connery. I disagree. Harrison Ford, 98. Harrison Ford, okay. He has an earring. Sure. He's a good multi. Harrison Ford, 98. Harrison Ford, okay. He has an earring. Sure. He's a pilot.

Yeah. Pierce Brosnan, 99. Yep. No denying it. Yeah. And then I guess that we already covered a couple of the repeats. And then 2002, Ben Affleck. Yeah.

Well, yeah. Look, it's all people who had a movie coming out. A couple months of this. Johnny Depp, 2003 and 2009. This would have been Chocolat. Oh, yeah. The Chocolat years. 2004, Jude Law.

Yeah. Then Matthew McConaughey. These are all humble. I don't know. Matt Damon. Oh, yeah. Matt Damon Oh yeah Matt Damon I'm surprised he's so much later on the list I feel like he should have been there first before Affleck

Hugh Jackman Matt Good call Thank you Ryan Reynolds Yes Canadian boy Funny

I think people were like Why not Ryan Gosling? I remember that at the time I wonder that now Did they correct it? No I don't think so Bradley Cooper

Yeah The sexiest man alive A lot of sexy guys died that year Sexiest man alive Like in the world Uh huh In the English speaking world But I wonder like

Do you get free hamburgers At some place? Like Oh you know We're proud to give Free hamburgers for life To the sexiest man alive you get to put it on your resume

yeah that's true at the top of your resume yeah absolutely Channing Tatum 2012 oh yeah Adam Levine oh what

no wrong I don't like him Chris Hemsworth whoever was last year and then The Rock now what this blog post is not updated I forget was last year, and then The Rock. This blog post is not updated. I forget who last year was.

Sean Connery again. Sean Connery's comeback. And that year, sexiest big guy, Kevin James. Yeah, who are the sexiest big guys year after year? Oh, boy. I mean, who are some of the sexiest? Are we allowed to list this off? Yeah, yeah.

Okay. Well, The Rock's certainly a sexy big guy. Yeah. Andre the Giant. I mean, I'm just trying to think of people I've said, come here, big guy. Yeah. What's the guy that does Family Feud now? Richard Karn?

No. Oh. Steve Harvey? Steve Harvey? He wears big oh sure yeah big coat yeah oh cedric the entertainer yeah one of your sexier big guys um oh boy this is uh oh uh josh gad yes yeah it's almost as if there are no roles for sexy what about the giant guy i've never seen the show but he's a giant guy that's no roles for sexy. What about the giant guy? I've never seen the show, but he's a giant guy that's on Game of Thrones.

Oh, yeah. The mountain. The mountain. Yeah. That is a beautiful man. Yeah? Yeah. The guy with the eyebrows.

Oh, you're Jason Momoa. Oh, him. Sorry. Yeah. No, him. He's the guy. He's like. He's this year's.

Come on. The Rock. Step down. Yeah. Really. Give your title over to who deserves it. Yeah. It was weird. I was watching Ellen this afternoon.'s. Come on. The Rock. Step down. Yeah. Give your title over to who deserves it. Yeah. It was weird.

I was watching Ellen this afternoon. Sure. Go on. And they said, they announced that The Rock was, I mean, Dwayne Johnson. Let's give him some credit. They announced that this is the first time you're going to hear. He's the sexiest man alive. But I had already heard it on five different shows. Are you disappointed?

Well, I was like that. Feels bad? Ellen, don't lie to me. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. You and Ellen have always had a trust-based relationship. I heard that.

Yeah, I heard that about you guys. The Ellen word. Yeah. Is that anything? It could have been a sketch on SNL many years ago. Well, don't get... Maybe Mad TV.

But guys, what I really wanted to talk about this week was something that is not topical. When I had a child, we went to a child bearing course,

a prenatal course, and the one thing that the lady giving the course said that really stuck with me was that you'll love childhood, or you'll love parenthood

because it's like having a second childhood and that and you realize oh i there's not always something to love about childhood no that's true like learning to sleep right figuring out how to behave yeah you'll love parenthood because because You'll be loud in restaurants But we just got Baby Margo who's no longer a baby She's beautiful

She's walking talking Her name's Margo Yeah These are the things We got her a play-doh Like a bucket with play-Doh in it Like three different Colors of Play-Doh

Blue, red, and yellow Nice And now they are One big blob of gray And now they're all green Or brown Yeah Yeah

And she loves it And I was so excited That we got this Because I was like Oh, I loved Play-Doh And just smelling it It brings you back to those. It does.

Oh, yeah. That smell. But I'm not sure what you do with it. What you do with Play-Doh? Yeah. You can roll it into a worm. Yeah. You can roll it into a ball.

Into a ball. You can make it a ring. You can wear it. Have a fancy ring. Yeah. You can make a ring. You can make a house. You can roll the worms into the base of a house.

Oh, yeah. That's right. Like logs kind of thing. You can make a person. Yeah, you can make a person. You can put it in the thing, the barbershop hair guy. Oh, we don't have that yet. You can make a poker.

I don't know. What's a poker? Like the same thing as a worm. You pick it up and you poke with it. The worm sort of droops, though. Yeah, that's true. You can, so far she's figured out you can flatten it. We have these sort of, she's got a rolling pin that came with it that's just a cylinder,

but it's hollow so you can also poke circles out of the flattened. You flatten it out and then you can just make circles in it. Right. Fun. You can also put your friend's brother's very expensive G.I. Joes in it, and then the Play-Doh hardens on the inside and ruins the toy.

Did you do that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very expensive G.I. Joes. Where was he getting these? Poor thing. These cashmere G.I. Joes. He was one of those bad kids that had the Raiders jacket. Oh, okay.

You can find a little bit that's gotten hardened. Yep. And then try to reincorporate it, and it just doesn't work. And there's always a little nub inside. You try to put water on it. Yeah. It's sick. Oh, yeah.

What happens if you put water on it? Does it turn into slime? Yeah. put water on it. Yeah. It's sick. Oh yeah, what happens if you put water on it? Just turn it into slime? It's, yeah, it's not nice. Yeah. I think we've, I think they must have changed the formula

from our childhood because I remember playing with it and then my fingers tasting so salty. Oh yeah, yeah, me too. And it's not, I don't get that anymore

when I'm licking my fingers. After you played with the play-doh it still smells the same yeah and i uh you can also um uh drop it on the rug and not realize it and then just imagine and then you leave it because you just cannot be bothered um my mom made uh play-doh yeah kids because i think it was much cheaper because it's just like flour and something and salt. Yeah. And then color, like food dye. Cool.

Yeah. And I think it was because we would mostly end up, you know, mashing it into each other's hair or whatnot that it's like buying store-bought was too expensive. Totally. Yeah. You know what? I just bought my three-year-old nephew. It is so cool. I wanted to play with it like forever.

It's this magnetic sand. Have you heard of that? Apparently it's like the thing right now for kids. I was asking my friend who's a teacher. Sort of like, is it like a woolly willy? Sorry? A woolly willy was this face and it had kind of like, Willy? Sorry? Willy, Willy was... Come again? I'm sorry? Was this face, and it had kind of like... It's not like Etch-a-Sketch, but...

Yeah, it had a magnetic pencil. Oh, yeah, yeah. No. And you drag the metal shards to make a hair style. Like an Etch-a-Sketch. No. Isn't it? It's sort of...

Oh, I know what you're talking about. It picks up on the thing. It all gathers on there. It's not, or it-sketch, isn't it? It's sort of. It was. Oh, I know what you're talking about. It picks up on the thing. Like it all gathers on there. It's not, or it is, I don't know. This is what it is. This is the point of it. The feel, like the touch of it, it like sort of stays together and slowly sort of melts. Like it's very therapeutic.

Oh, you can grab this sand. You can grab this. And the sand is not like fine sand that falls through your hands. It stays together, but then eventually slowly you can see it sort of coming together for the kids um they really fucked it up i brought it to his birthday party and i was so excited and i was like it says no mess my brother was like okay i'm like don't worry i know it says sand but like it stays together he fucking took it outside my nephew love him to bits but he fucking took the shit outside and it was so stoked like freaked out which already my brother was like you're getting him too hyper again

and he started playing with it and managed to get it everywhere it does come apart but i didn't give a shit because i was playing with it and it's like honestly yeah you should get it get it she'll love it i didn't give a shit because I was playing with it. And I'm an adult. I'm serious. You'll want to like have it. Magnetic sand. Magnetic sand.

It's called something. It has a name, but I forget what it is. But you'll know. Like if you go to like. Splooch. It's called splooch. Yeah. Get your hands on some.

That's it. So, yeah. I guess I'll make a ring. Yeah. Yeah. Make a ring. Oh, sorry. Yeah.

Or brass knuckles. Oh. That a ring. Or brass knuckles. Oh, that's fun. Brass knuckles. Make some brass knuckles for your daughter to wear. So that's what's going on with me, rediscovering my childhood through Play-Doh. Yes. And yourself, what's going on with you?

Well, speaking of your wonderful daughter. Wait a minute. You stay away from her. Myself and your wife, Abby, who is also a real person, and Margo had breakfast the other day, and eating breakfast

with Margo was the most hilarious. It was the most hilarious because, so Abby ordered French toast. Mm-hmm. Giant, giant French toast comes out. There's your first mistake.

Yeah. Margot's not interested in the French toast, but is very interested in the giant glob of butter in the middle of the French toast. Of course. And so, Abby and I are talking. Margot's already putting her hands in the butter. So Abby and I are talking. Margo's already putting her hands in the butter. And because Margo had marker on her hands, the butter is now changing into different colors.

Have you eaten it yet? Have you taken a bite yet? No, no. This is Abby's food. Oh, sorry. And she's sharing with Margo. But Margo wants no. What did you get?

I got a breakfast burrito. Oh, yeah. So good. Good. So, I think both myself and Abby looked away from Margo, let's say for two seconds. And when we look back, she had just butter all around her mouth. She had put the entire glob of butter just straight in her mouth. Oh, my God. And was just sitting there like so content that she's just eating straight up butter. What is it?

Paleo where you put butter in coffee? Yeah, that's what she was on. Is that it? I was like, this is a paleo thing. Yeah, that's normal. Which doesn't make sense because paleo-matic man didn't turn butter. No, they would make mammoth butter. no they would yeah they would make mammoth butter um uh and then uh she didn't want the french toast so abby poured a little dab of the syrup to try and tempt her into into the the french toast and

then she just uh scooped it up with her hand and then just more and so abby just kept making puddles of syrup and just like we gave her like, we gave her a spoon. We gave her a fork. We gave her everything. Just her whole hand jammed. I couldn't stop laughing. Yeah, she is obsessed now with sweet things. Yeah.

Ever since Halloween. Like, she doesn't pull this stuff with me, but she does with Abby all the time. Like, literally, the first four things she says to Abby every morning are, wake up, Halloween chocolate. That's amazing. And we'll like we'll have anything that has

a lot of components like tacos or nachos or chimichangas. She will just grab at a handful of guacamole a handful of sour cream.

She doesn't want the solid parts of the food. She likes the toppings. Yeah. She's a toppings kind of gal. She likes to dip. Right. But without anything to dip it. Yeah, she just likes, it was so funny because she would just dip her whole hand in the syrup

and then just jam the whole thing. And anyways, I've never seen anything like it. I couldn't stop laughing. Sometimes we'll take her for breakfast and she won't eat anything. The waitress thought it was the funniest thing she'd ever seen. Normally, we'll all order something that has hash browns because she'll pick at those. Yeah. But if anyone mentions that there's peanut butter in those little peanut butter packets available, that's all she wants.

Really? With a spoon. So she's, yeah available. Yeah. That's all she wants. Really? Just with a spoon. So she's, yeah, she does. She's a toppings gal. She's a toppings gal. Yeah. We take her to Menchie's. She just has nothing but those.

Pick your toppings. Yeah. Put it in a cup for you. She just has jimmies and mochi balls. So that was one thing. balls um so that was one thing the other thing is uh so uh yesterday uh i woke up because uh my bed was uh shaking oh no and i was like uh it's like this is the big one yeah that was my thought like i woke up and like my curtains were moving and like everything that was kind of like was shaking and i was like oh this is. This is the beginning of the big.

And what's weird to me is that I didn't get out of bed. I just stayed in bed. I'm like riding it out in bed because I didn't have any sense of like better jump up and find out what's going on. I was like, well, just stay stay here until what? I don't know. Well, the roof collapsed. OK, two questions questions what was it yeah first uh first uh yeah it was uh two doors down from me there's a guy digging uh they're digging

out like the foundation like building a new house the big one yeah but it was it was like everything shaking and that's how i woke up it was like and, and I was like, okay, well, this is it. But then my next thought was, what do I do? So I literally don't know what to do. You know to cover yourself, like either with clothing? No, just your quilt. Just with air. Yeah.

What am I supposed to cover myself with? A table or get under the bed or they used to... I don't even know if we have a door jam, but not so much anymore. Well, I don't see a lot of fallen down buildings with just door jams. Holding up. Yeah. That's the only thing that's standing on each level. Yeah.

But I don't... The table that we have would be upstairs and it's pretty flimsy. I don't think it would protect me from anything. Do they say bed? I think, like, if... We should know this. If you're in danger... Yeah, Stephen, that's what I was like.

I was like, I don't know what to do. If you're in danger of something hitting your head, that's what you need to protect, first and foremost. Right. Crap falling onto your head and killing you. But I don't have anything up high. Everything I have is down low. I know, but what about the ceiling? Well, see, but that's what I was thinking.

I was like, well, what do I do? Do I go? Because they say you're not supposed to go outside because power lines will fall down. Sure. And catch you and your friends on fire. But you can't stay inside if the house is going to fall down. Well, if your house is going to fall down, you can get outside.

Yeah. You should. If your house isn't going to fall down, you need to turn off your gas. Oh, shit. I don't know how to do that. Yeah, I don't know either. I got to find out.

Find out by February. It's coming in February. Oh, is it? Every 14 months on this fault line, there's a greater probability And that's the next one Oh Just before Valentine's Day

Nice It might be on Valentine's Day Why is that nice? Are you trying to get out of it? No Yeah I hate Valentine's Day I mean

If you're at home You're fine Yeah For the tsunami Because if there's a If it's the big one There'll be A huge tsunami

It's going to be wet and wild And it's going to be coming up high And you can't like Swim in it It's going to be wet and wild. And it's going to be coming up high. And you can't, like, swim in it. It's going to be filled with trucks. Can I surf on it? Yeah. Oh, okay. And so you have to.

But where you live, like where I live, just up the hill that way, is apparently the second highest spot in the city. Oh, okay. Oh, really? The highest spot is Queen Elizabeth Park. Okay. Guys, I'm on top of this. Yeah, you've got this mapped out.

Make a little pack. Yeah. Do you have a pack? Make it a whole day. Yeah. 72 hours worth of food and water. That's a lot. Yeah.

That's a lot to carry. Do you have a pack, though? Do you have an office pack? I don't have a pack. You can get them pre-done. Do you have one of those? Did you make one? I have a pack. You can get them pre, like, done. Do you have one of those? Did you make one? No.

I have a box with everything in it. Oh, God, shit. I don't have anything. I got that. I got the kit, but I don't have it in bags. And first aid. You need first aid. Yeah.

And like, you know, whatever. Crank radio, crank light. Yeah. Magazines. Scary. Yeah, sure. Like, because internet won't work for weeks. So, you know, Playboys. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's true. Like, cause internet won't work for weeks. So, you know,

playboys. Oh yeah. Yeah. That's any type of pornography. Yeah. Some kind of portable, renewable pornography. Yeah. Some kind of crank pornography.

Um, but I realized in the moment, like, and then obviously it would, it only lasted for, uh, maybe 15, 20 seconds. And then it stopped. And then it started again. for maybe 15, 20 seconds.

And then it stopped. And then it started again. I was like, oh, that must be some kind of construction. But in that moment, I was like, I really don't know what you're supposed to do here. Like if that was the beginning of it. It's scary. I guess I was waiting for it to escalate. Let's see.

Apparently, it'll be like the big one when it comes will Apparently, it'll be, like, the big one when it comes will be it'll just be long. Like, it'll be shaking, and you'll notice a lot of shaking, but it won't be, like, incredibly intense. It just won't let up for, like, three minutes. So I'll get bored of it.

Partway through, I'll be like, oh, come on. Yeah, what have you done for me lately? Did you guys feel the one that was I can't remember,, maybe it was like already almost a year ago or something. Oh, yeah. That was around Christmas. Did you remember feeling it? Yeah. Where were you?

In the kitchen. Yeah. Did it freak you out? It freaked me out because it sounded like somebody had fallen down the stairs. Yes, same thing. Is that right? I was outside walking a dog. I was at my mother's place in North Van, and I was walking my brother's dog, and it was at night.

Right. And it was dark. And I remember, like, hearing just, like, a super loud, weird noise. Like, I can't even describe it. It was just, like, crazy. Just make the noise. Okay, so it was, like, I can't. I like that you were gonna. I was like, how can I. I like that you were gonna.

I was like, how can I do this? Okay, here, kill me. I was out of the country during this, but can I make the noise? Yeah. Wah. Yes. Waka, waka, wah. No, too much.

Meow. There it is. Wah. There it is. Dubstep. Very good. Yeah, it was just like that. And I started running because it was like, it was just a weird sound that I didn't recognize. It was super loud and it was just like that um and it and i started running because it was like it was just

a weird sound that i didn't recognize it was super loud and it was a quiet night like no my mom lives in a neighborhood that's super quiet in the suburbs and i my the dog was freaking out so we ran back to the house and i was like what the fuck and then my mom came out and was like amy we've had an earthquake and uh she's a very scared person all the time and she was very extra scared this time and uh yeah that was that but it freaked me out and you know what that was 14 months prior to february really better get that pack yeah i did i thought it was somebody fallen yeah falling down a flight of stairs but you were with a dog the dogs are supposed to freak out before. She's crazy. Oh, boy.

No, that's the thing with my dog. Nothing. You freak out for no reason all the time. No good reason. Yeah, but you know what? Broken clock's right twice a day. Sure. That's grandpa's.

He's just going crazy for everything. One of them's going to be the big one, and he's going to be able to tell his dog friends. Yeah. Yeah, so that's... And you know what? They're just beginning this construction, so this is going to go on for months. Okay, well... Because that was the first, like, breaking ground.

I was like, holy... So, yeah, like, wiggling while at work. I don't know. Wiggle while I work. My teacher's such a jerk. She cut my weenie what a meanie now it doesn't work is that the version you know well there's also the hitler one yeah i know the hit oh my god do you not know this podcast no whistle while you work hitler was a jerk musolini bit is

weenie now it doesn't work squirt oh now it doesn't squirt no it doesn't work squirt i do not know these. These are regional differences. What about the... You don't even know it. But you're from the same region. What about Hitler only had one ball? I don't know that one. Hitler, he only had one ball.

The other was in the Albert Hall. Himmler was very similar. And go balls had no balls at all. Wow. No. That's what helped us win the war. That was the number one song for six weeks

in 1944. Weird that I don't remember. And because you requested it a bunch of schoolyard children singing that song. On top of the schoolyard all covered with Hitler. I remember that one.

Yeah. Do we want to move on to Overheard? Sure. Are you in need of a shakeup? Max FunCon is our annual comedy and creativity festival, and it changes lives. Max FunCon West returns to Lake Arrowhead next June, and Max FunCon East is back in the Poconos next September. Tickets for both are on sale right now, and they will sell out.

Visit MaxFunCon.com to buy your tickets today. We can't wait to see you there. Overheard. Overheard. It's a segment in which we hear things out there in the world, then we chat about them right here on the podcast. And we like to always start with the guest. If you would lead the way, Abe.

Something that I overheard? Yeah. Yes. Can it be like a story? Yeah. No rules. Can it be a story that my brother told? Yeah.

Fine. Okay. Okay, I overheard this guy that I'm not related to telling somebody that this particular guy who was telling this story is a flight attendant.

And he has flight attendant friends that fly to back and forth from Toronto or from Vancouver to Asia a lot. And in China, in Chichina specifically. And in China, you can buy-

Chichina? Chichina, actually. It's Chichina, if you're going to say. So this particular flight attendant was in Chichina and they were getting, buying knockoff clothing. Like you can buy a ton of like everything that's like, you know, for cheap. Starter jackets.

Where did this really come from? Oh, I can't tell you. I have a lot of weird stuff actually from my brother but i mean the guy that i don't know and he was saying this particular person flew to china and he picked up one of those canada goose jackets you know like expensive they're like like 600 800 plus dollars and so this guy was like oh this is a pretty good price i don't know he picked it up for probably like 100 bucks or something it was like pretty fair like it did the pretty good price. I don't know. He picked it up for probably like a hundred bucks or something. It was like pretty fair. Like it did the trick. So he bought this Canada goose coat and it had a bit of like an odor to it.

Yeah. From, from wherever it was. So he decided to wash it. So he washed it and then he hung it to dry and days went by and it just wasn't drying. Like nothing. It was just wasn't drying and it wasn't drying and it wasn't drying. And he's like,

what the fuck? Like I can't get this thing to dry and someone was like well how much you pay for it he's like nothing they're like well cut it open like you can't wear it something's in it so this guy decides to cut it open is this one of these this is gonna be an urban legend it's a dead body no he decides to cut it this is a true story He cut it open and they had stuffed it with maxi pads for the stuffing. So it was just absorbing the water and staying wet. And that's what the stuffing was. So if you buy knockoff stuff.

I was literally going to ask, you know, in the midst of the story, I was like, well, how come they can make them so cheap? That's why. Because there's not enough. Oh, I mean, I guess that would work for the, you know, the one day it takes you to get far enough away from the point of purchase. Yeah. Well, yeah, if you're like buying something in Thailand,

like you're not going to need this heavy coat until you get home. Yeah, true. So it is people that know how to make the garment so it looks exactly like the thing that you're. Totally. And the idea is that so much like Nike stuff or whatever is made in Asia. Yeah. That this might be just from the factory.

Totally. And they disappeared. Yeah. Right. That this might be just from the factory. Totally. And they disappeared. Yeah. But Abby's parents used to live in Asia and we went over there a few times. And there's a lot of stuff you can get that just, it does end up smelling like gasoline forever. Like gas? Yeah. The best stuff is the like, the stuff that's way off yeah just a total fail

right and has the you know two different company logos on it yeah like starter and hers yeah i bought i went there once my brother took me um to china once which was awesome actually he had these like beijing okay um and it was cool because i could never afford business class tickets and he won this like prize within air canada that um like he got awarded with two business class tickets anywhere in the world so he took me to beijing which was so cool and it was far so it was like lovely i was like sleeping in my own little apartment. Um, and then when we got there,

I was like, I was like 19 or something. So I was like, all I want to do is shop for like nothing. And I want to like get all of this stuff, like this gross 19 year old, like consume, consume. So I,

yeah, I bought like a ton of like knockoff shit. Yeah. That actually, some of it's still like kicking. Like it's like the quality. Abby's got some pretty good and just weird

you know, we have this fake Louis Vuitton Kleenex box that you put a new Kleenex box in and it zips up around it and it's just durable because you don't carry around a Kleenex box all day. If it was a bag, it would have fallen apart

by now. Yeah, you look inside of it was a bag it would have fallen apart by now. Yeah, you look inside of it and it's all it's all maxi pads. Oh boy. Yeah. Oh, that's I mean, but I just my hat's off

to how clever that is to like what do we stuff this with now that we've made the jacket? It has to be heavy enough like you couldn't just put cotton balls in there

because then it would feel too light to be a winter coat. And I honestly don't know enough about maxi pads. I'm a tampon guy. Fair. But they wouldn't dry after days and days.

No, it absorbs. Yeah, like it wouldn't. I guess it would just hold. Yeah. It held it in. They were maybe super thick. Or maybe they were cheap. Oh yeah, and then you look at their knockoffs.

They're made out of old jackets. Waxy pads. Waxy. What the hell? They're made out of old wax paper. Dave, do you have it overheard? Okay. Mine doesn't count.

It's from TV. But this is something people probably haven't heard. In the morning, the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation shows TV shows for kids. And we were watching something. And they have these hosts who throw to the shows. Mama Yama is one of the hosts. Oh, yeah. Famous talking yam.

Wow. And they also throw to these interst Mama Yama is one of the hosts. Oh, yeah. Famous talking yam. Wow. And they also throw to these interstitial things with kids, learning about whatever, sports or anything. Yeah. And one day, they had set up a camera in a classroom, and they had kids come through and tell their favorite jokes. Oh, boy. And it was kids who don't necessarily know what jokes are. Yeah. So here are five of the jokes. Oh boy. And it was kids who don't necessarily know what

jokes are. Yeah. So here are five of the jokes. One of the kids said, my favorite joke is to imagine there's raining cows. It's a really funny joke. That's it? Yep. Amazing. One girl was like, we ask someone to spell

I-C-U-P and then you say I-C-U-P. Classic. One kid, this one's actually pretty good. My dentist said I needed a crown and I said, I know, right? Wow, that is really good. That was a sassy little guy. I think still my favorite though is it's raining cows. Trust me, it's very funny.

Well, why did the chicken cross the road? It's quite obvious. And then finally, oh, you can do this with me. Knock, knock. Who's there? Who's there? Cow. Cow who?

Cow Sky. Call back to the original one? No. Oh, Cow Sky who? Cow on the Sky. Cow on the Sky? It was the same pair of kids as the original one. Yeah.

I think the first kid was like, oh, that cow one was really funny. I should come up with my own on the spot. That got a lot of laughs. This audience is really going for the Cow on the Sky material. Time to break out the big guns. Oh, boy. I mean, as a kid, I couldn't tell jokes either.

No? I feel like I had a... Like I could remember enough, but not enough to make it logical. But I knew the punchline was going to be so great. Yeah. And you're so excited. You're rushing. As a kid, you want to get to that punchline so going to be so great. Yeah. Yeah. And you're so excited. You're rushing. Oh,

as a kid, you want to get to that punchline so fast. Totally. I had a, like a, like an elementary school joke. And then I had a high school joke and the elementary school joke was like very elementary. And the high school was like super sexual.

What was the elementary one? The elementary one was, uh, what did the chef say to the salad? What? Dress yourself. Ah, that's fun.

Right. Okay. That's fun. Right, okay. That's fun. Yeah. The high school one was something like, and I was like, The chef put the salad in her pussy.

Yeah, yeah. The chef fucked the salad in her pussy. No, it was like something so, like, you know, do you know what I mean? Like when you're in high school,

I don't know, maybe I was just a big fucking W.H.R.E., but I was like, anything that like had to do with sex or like whatever, it was like, I don't know, do you know what I mean? Like when you're in high school, I don't know. Maybe I was just a big fucking W-H-R-E. But I was like, anything that like had to do with sex or like whatever was like, I don't know, like cool. So I told this fucking joke. I think girls can sort of fake their way through it better than both of you. You remember talking like this, right? No, I don't think I did.

All right. Hi, guys. Are we all going to lose our virginity? I fucked up. Hi. America. Dress yourself. Cow on the sky.

Yeah, see, you remember. Yeah, yeah. It was like something about like something about there was like this farmer there was a hitchhiker no no there was a hitchhiker and he was like in the middle of nowhere and hey like i'd be like i've got a joke there was a hitchhiker and he was like hitchhiking in the middle of nowhere and this like farmer picked him up and he was like where are you going and the guy was like i don't know do you think I can like stay at your place tonight

and he was like sure but you can't fuck my daughter and he was like okay fine so then are both these guys gay

no no no why are you doing the gay voice I'm telling you how I was like being like a horn teenager yeah yeah this is me

horny teenager delivery I was super horn so I was like um so I wanted people to think that like I horned so I was like um so I wanted people to think that like I was horned I was like

then they get to the farm and then and this is terrible actually now I've this has been a long time

since I've told this so the farmer he said this is terrible actually so the farmer was like the farmer was like

I don't want you. The farmer was so scared that this guy was going to try and have sex with his daughter or hook up with his horny daughter. His daughter wanted to do it too. It wasn't like a bad thing. Everybody was horny in this story. His daughter was like super horny and super hot and hot and horny. And so this is what he said.

He said he was going to put razors inside. He made her. Okay. This is terrible actually. This is the first time I've actually said this something to do with razors inside her crotch so that or near her crotch opening right he said put these near there he said put these near there so that i know that he won't so the next so the hitchhiker saw the daughter and was like, whoa, she's hot. I'm horned too. Yeah. So then. Deals off, farmer.

He's like, deals off. I'll sleep on the barn. So the next morning, the, everybody woke up and the farmer was like, I know that you, you probably had sex with my daughter. He wakes up starting that way? And he goes, line up against the wall. And then the guy was like sure

and he's like pull down your pants I want to see your I want to see your dick so he's like I'll know for sure if he tried so he pulled down his pants

so like so he's like sure so then he pulled down his pants and his dick was fine and then the guy smiled and his tongue fell off do you get it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got it? I know a different version of that with three traveling salesmen. Okay. And they were all given the same, they were all told about the razors. And two of them showed up the next morning. All three of them showed up for breakfast the next morning. And two of them were talking to each other.

And they were like, uh, hey, uh, did your dick get cut off? Yeah, mine too. And then they talked to the third one, hey, did your dick get cut off?

And he was like, I don't know what you're talking about. That's right. That's a funny, yeah, good act out. Yeah.

Did your dicks fall off? How fucking stupid is that? But you know, it's fine, I slept through the night. I don't have a dick anymore,

but I stopped the bleeding. This farmer's oatmeal's delicious. That's my takeaway from this weekend. It was worth it. And is that when

you knew you wanted to be a comedian? Yeah, that was when I Three traveling salesmen. Why are three

of them traveling together? They were on a big trip. They had to close the deal. Yeah, yeah. when we were in saskatoon i think we were talking a lot about like these old jokes and who wrote them oh yeah some farmer yeah yeah some farmer just yeah to send out the message don't mess with my daughter oh boy did you do an overheard yet no okay my overheard uh comes courtesy of um i was at a restaurant and just the way that we were seated i don't know if you've ever had this where you're

sitting at a table and there's kind of like a little wall here but basically you're sitting at the same table as oh the person on the other side of the wall like you're just there's no barrier at all so that was the situation so it's just basically listening to this guy's conversation i think they were a table of uh retired cops because they seem to have a lot of stories about people who had been killed in gangs and stuff and uh this one story though the guy was like he was talking about a guy who died and the it's just he kept he was more and more incredulous as the story went on he's like yeah a fucking guy goes out in the middle of the night freezing cold starts up the hot tub cranks it up he's like how how hot would

you crank up a hot tub and his friends like i don't know 200 i don't know and the guy's like he cranks it all the way up this guy hasn't been. And the guy's like, he cranks it all the way up. This guy hasn't been in a hot tub in years. He cranks it all the way to the top, gets in, has a heart attack, dies. He's in there six hours before anybody discovers him. He's just been cooking all night. Is this his friend? Yeah.

Oh, my God. He's telling the story about they found him in the morning. He'd been cooking in a broth, in a human broth all night. He made his own dude stock. Oh, my God. He's telling the story about they found him in the morning. He'd been cooking in a broth, in a human broth all night. He made his own dude stock. Oh, my God. Yeah. But he just kept, he just, yeah, like, would you do something that crazy? I guess not.

I don't know. That's horrible. I mean, that's the way I want to go. Heart attack and hot. Well. Yeah. But think about the electric bill. Yeah, that's true.

I would do it at a friend's house. Yeah. What? You don't want to leave it to your family? You're about the electric bill. Yeah, that's true. I would do it at a friend's house. Yeah. You don't want to leave it to your family. You're not paying the bill. Yeah, no, but I don't want them to go after my estate. Do it after a friend you don't like. Was he even sad? I mean, how do you know the guy?

Who's the guy? I think maybe they were called to a scene. Oh, right. Sorry, police. Police on the scene. You know what I mean. I got it yeah so uh yeah what a way to go yeah well he didn't get cooked to death no no he had a heart attack but then he

was just lying in this yeah hot tub i assume being like bounced around like a pong you know from corner to corner you wouldn't be just sitting straight. No, you're right. You'd just be getting bounced around. But not necessarily something to goof about. Well, I mean, look, did I know this guy? Probably know this was a famous child murderer. Yeah. I'm, like, it's not, the broth is no good, though, right? No, you can't, no one's going in there.

There's probably pee and poo in it. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's true. And chlorine. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's true. And chlorine. Yeah. And dead guy bones. Yeah, and dead guy bones. Well, you pull those out, you strain those.

Oh, sure. So anyways, this is while we were all, everybody was eating at the time he was telling this story. This was in pre... A munja. Anyway, he was bouncing around his little wet wobbly old dead bones in there for a long time and uh enjoy your meal and the weirdest thing about this guy his dick was all cut up i don't know there was razor blades somewhere i gotta put my finger um we also have uhheard sent in to us

What is Yeah I'm just trying to think Of like Cause Farmer's Farmer's daughter It was a sexy thing In that joke

Yeah It was a sexy thing In California Girls Oh yeah right Yeah What are the other Like French maid

Farmer's daughter Oh Naughty nurse Milk maid Oh sure Or what The like Teacher Heather, like French maid, farmer's daughter. Oh. Naughty nurse. Milk maid. Oh, sure. Or what? The like.

Teacher. Beer. Oh, yeah. Beer girl. The German beer lady. Mm-hmm. Hot. Some sort of hot rod girl. I feel like.

Some sort of calendar gal. Yeah, like a calendar gal. Oh, yeah. Like a pinup riding a big bomb. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Slim Pickens. Which is super hot, riding a huge bomb.

You know. And sexy cat. Sexy cat. These are the sexy things. These are the sexy things. Okay, cool. This is a sexy creature from the swamp. I only need six more things for my calendar.

Now, if you out there want to send in an overheard to us, you can send it sby at maximumfund.org. This first one is brought to you by Nicole from Burnaby. Hi. A local lady. Oh, a student. I am a student at a local

post-secondary institution. I was giving tours of my building during an open house. Most of the people there were teens or young adults and their parents, but one woman was there with several young, rambunctious boys. Hilarious. Already. Already, this is a great setup. I was bringing a large group of people down a narrow hallway and saw the woman standing

outside the washrooms. As I passed by, she cracked open the door to the men's room and said, How's it going in there, boys? I heard a bunch of giggles and one of the voices exclaimed, He peed in the garbage can! The woman let out a resigned sigh and said, Simon, that's bad. Simon, it's good.

Oh my god. It's like they're They're one day out of the house And they're just gonna act like animals But also it's like What's a free activity I can do With my group of sons A college open house

Yeah Why were they there with the children? Maybe she was thinking Of going back to school Oh yeah I can't imagine why Oh my god Get some peace from these animals.

Oh, boy. Simon, that's bad. That's bad. Remember the conversation that we had about good and bad? This is in the bad column. But I didn't pee on the floor like last time. You're getting better. Yeah.

But could you just use the thing that's in there? Mm-hmm. But, you know, like when you're a kid and then you were unsupervised in any kind of environment, you would just take as many paper towels as you could or... Just whatever. Yeah, just whatever was the most horrible thing

you could do. I remember in our improv team, we would have these improv practices after school, in high school and i we we did so much stuff with pee like we would pee on a rag and drag the rag across an armrest of a couch and then the next day like look at who touched the couch we didn't do that i didn't do that. I didn't do that. But we would pee in coke bottles and then hide them

around the drama studio and wait for someone to find them. I don't think it's just teenage. To see if someone would drink them?

Well, you know how you were trying, like you were pretending that you were all, like, hot and horny? Right. That's the boy equivalent. We're peeing in bottles. Okay. We had been hired to do improv at, like, for elementary school kids, and we had been paid, like, $1,500 or something.

We didn't get any of that money. It all went to the drama department department and we were mad about it so let's be naughty taking a little bit of revenge and um and then i think we we ended up before anyone found them someone convinced us that the the like bottles of urine could have poisonous them we have to dispose of those yeah so we did um i remember very distinctly as in junior high getting in a massive water fight in the uh locker room after gym and then uh getting called down to the office and just being soaked like we were all like we're like three soaked guys just sitting there just getting read the riot act by the principal it was a really dumb thing to be caught doing like just filling up handfuls of water and throwing

but it's a locker room i know these are locker room talks but also everything dries in a locker room there's like drains on the floor i know but we really made it wet i think we left it we left the... I bet you did. Okay. All right, guys. This next one comes from Chris in LA. I'm a set designer. I'm currently working on a sci-fi movie. So you read these, like, these go back months and months. Many months, yeah. So this is probably a sci-fi movie that's out right now.

Yeah, I imagine it's... Arrival? Doctor Strange. Oh, Arrival. Yeah, there you go. So I was just walking back from the kitchen and passed a member of the props department. Amy Adams. Who was wrapping up a phone conversation with a supplier of some kind.

In a calm, level tone, she said, Just the buttholes for now, thanks. That's pretty good. That's amazing. That's a set I want to be on. I think I've seen a bit of, like, there's like this butthole that attaches onto the window in Arrival. That's it. That's the movie.

What would you just need just the buttholes for? Well, girl. Oh, tell me. Girl. Tell me. Sorry. No, no, no. No, no.

It's funny. I don't know. The teenage girl pretending to be horny all the time is like, it's so weird. It's gross. Because as teenage boys, we were horny all the time is like so it's so weird it's gross because as teenage boys we were horny all the time yeah and i think we were trying not to be yeah and we channeled that through water fights and bottle pee yeah we were not horny we were just wanting you to think that we were horned for attention what was uh when you were a teenager you shorten horny to horn every time. I like it. Okay. What was, because when I was a kid, I thought the most horned up show on TV was L.A. Law.

I remember it because that was like my mom wouldn't let me watch it. And so I was like, oh, there's got to be some horniness going on. Why did you want to watch it? Because of the horn. Because of the horn. Yeah. I think if you had watched five minutes of L.A. Law, you would have been like, thanks, but no thanks, mom.

Yeah, that's true. Like, she really could have called my bluff. She should have done that thing where, like, a parent catches you smoking and makes you smoke the whole thing. Yeah. She should have made you watch the whole season of L.A. Law. Just get super ultra horned where you can't handle it anymore. I can't be horny anymore.

Come on. Yeah. I can't be horny anymore. Come on. Yeah. I hate being horny. Mom. But yeah, there was. I feel like there was a guy on that show that was always having an affair. Harry Hamlin. No, no.

Corbin Brunson. No. He was a very weird looking guy. It made you horned out that he was having affairs? Yeah. I mean, because I assumed that that was where it was at. It was you horned out that he was having affairs? Yeah! I mean, because I assumed that that was

where it was at. It was only sexy affairs. Yeah. And not their relationship. You liked when they did it. Yeah, well, and like, I remember seeing like

the poster for the movie Disclosure and I was like, yeah, that! Yes! Like, this is, this is getting

my brain going here. Oh, I definitely yeah I think we've talked about this before I found we had the book oh yeah disclosure of the book

that's right I just like flipped to the one sex scene in the book was there anything like that when you were growing up

where you're like this is this is this is definitely adult stuff but you're like trying to always stick around the corner

and say listen I must have been an aged up teen like i was baking for the boys now yeah i was a little eight i was a little aged but i remember like going to roger's video and like the account was under my mother's account right and renting these like rated r like 18 plus like fucking I don't know Lolita like anything that had like sex like desires in it or whatever

I was renting and my mom had to call and be like next time my daughter tries to rent a fucking sex fueled like movie by herself

she's not allowed to so put like a note on the account and I went to go rent one once with my friend and they were like there's a note

on your account that your mom said you can't rent these because you're not allowed or whatever and I went to go rent one once with my friend. And they were like, there's a note on your account that your mom said you can't rent these because you're not allowed or whatever. And I was like, how could you? I was embarrassed. You embarrassed me in front of the guy in his red polo shirt. Damn it. The guy said specifically not to rent because I was too horned.

How did you know, mom? Mom, the guy said I was extra horny and that I was inappropriate on your account. And then you were like, okay, I'll just have Twizzlers. Can I get a pop at least? This last one comes from Marnie in San Diego. Hi, Marnie. I was squeezing past the table on my way to the restroom when I overheard a woman say, either it comes out of my vagina or it comes out of my wallet.

Fair. Fair. That's somebody who works hard for her money. Yeah, and how about we get rid of that tax on female products? Yeah. Oh, boy. That would be my first thing. Well, what would be my first thing if I got elected into office?

Decorate my office. Rent all the R-rated movies that my mom said. Not until you hold public office. Take the comment off of the account. That's right. I hereby decree that. I'm allowed to see. Disclosure.

Yes. What's the one with Madonna and Willem Dafoe? Oh, with the wax. Body of Evidence. Body of Evidence. Body of Evidence. I was going to say Selena. I'm allowed to see Selena. No.

Arguably the sexiest film ever made. When I'm in office as president of the Selena fan club, things are going to be different. Exactly. That's what I'm trying to say. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you would like to call us, our phone number is 1-844-SPY-POD1. That's 1-I-C-U-P.

So, for the listener, we stopped before we played the calls, and it turns out it wasn't L.A. Law. It was Knott's Landing. Knott's Landing. Yeah. Okay. Let's move on to phone calls. stopped before we played the calls and it's uh turns out it wasn't la law it was not not landing yeah okay let's move on to phone calls hi this is molly from philadelphia i was in family court yesterday not in a courtroom um in a in an information center thing and we were waiting for our turn in line, and the woman next to me, out of nowhere, said, I am so horny right now. So I turned and stared at her, trying not to look absolutely shocked. And then I noticed the Bluetooth earpiece in her ear.

So she wasn't just letting the room go. She was talking to someone. Yeah, she was talking to somebody about Knott's Landing. We're going to watch it as soon as I get home. Full disclosure, that was me. You were in Philadelphia Family Court? Yes. The hottest place in America.

What kismet, eh? Yeah. Nice. Good. This really came together. Oh, boy. She didn't give a shit. She was horning. She was talking to her person, and she wanted to horn out. Yeah, she wanted to horn out.

She didn't give a shit. There are people that don't give a shit. People will horn in court. Yeah. People will get horned in court if they want. People will grocery shop and get horned. Yeah, yeah. People will work and be horned.

Of course you get grocery shop and horned. You find a nice deal? Yeah. You find a nice deal? Yeah. You find a nice deal? Yeah, you get some savings? Oh, sure. Yeah, you get some club points? Full horn.

Oh, yeah. Nothing. Oh, boy. If you want to get a good deal and get horned, can I suggest pay less shoe sores? Please do.

Please do. Oh, my goodness. You get that bogo horn. Extra aid. Here's your next overheard. Hey Dave and Graham, this is James with an overheard. I was eating in a restaurant the other

day. I was sitting out on the sidewalk and this girl and her boyfriend were eating inside and the woman got up to take a phone call. And so she was standing out on the sidewalk talking to someone. And then she tried to get her boyfriend's attention

to ask him something. And so she tried to ask him that thing in a kind of low voice. And because there was music, he couldn't hear her. So he goes, what? And she tried to say it again and I couldn't really hear. He couldn't hear. And he goes, what she tried to say it again and i couldn't really hear he couldn't hear and he

goes what and then she yells can my mom come with us to harry potter world on new year's eve i do wow that's sweet well yeah it's not like you're gonna be Doing anything crazy On New Year's Eve Was it New Year's Eve Or New Year's Day New Year's Eve Yeah That's a nice thing

Yeah Go to a movie You got any New Year's Eve plans No I'm not a big New Year's Eve gal No I get it

I think I feel I allow myself to feel Too much pressure On New Year's Eve Right You know Like the thing Like I gotta look

Like dressed to the nines When there's gotta be champagne And like has to be the best night of my life like since i like started to realize that i'm not that's not for me and i'm cool just either not doing anything or banging pots and pans with my mom on her fucking porch at midnight or just doing something chill with a small group like last year i just like, there were four of us at our place. Samosas. Samosas, getting age. And yeah, it was cool. What are the, not samosas.

What do you call it when you mix champagne and orange juice? Mimosa. That's what I thought he meant. I was picturing mimosas when he said samosas. Samosas are New Year's Eve. Mimosas are New Year's Eve. That's what I thought he meant. I was picturing mimosas when he said samosas. Samosas are New Year's Eve. Mimosas are New Year's Eve. That's right. Do you have New Year's Eve plans?

No, because the last few years I had a gig. And so that just took care of that. Would you know by now whether you had a gig? Yeah, I don't have a gig. Oh, okay. It was not welcome back. They said based on how... 2016 win.

Yeah, the road... The whole year stunk, and you were what started it off, so... Yeah, no, I think I'm going to go bang pots and pans over at Amy's mom's. Yeah, it's going to be a nice time. I'll bring some mouses. Okay. I'm going to go bang my friend pots and pans. You stay away from my daughter

Pops in pants. I'll put razors in Pops in pants. Yeah, we put a pan in her. You show up and your penis is fried. Yeah.

We put a hot searing pan. Is your penis fried? Yeah. But it slept to the next. What do you think? Hut, hut, hut, hut.

Hut, hut, hut. Hunchy munchy. So stupid. Here's your final overheard. Hello, Dave, Graham, and wonderfully adorable guests. Oh, hi. I was back in Sacramento calling in with an overseen. I was on my way home, and I was stuck behind an SUV

and one of the bumper stickers said, my kid waterboarded your honor student. Oh. Whoa. Whoa. Yikes. Yikes. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

And also, shouldn't you be an honor student to get in the CIA? Yeah. Yeah. You can't just be doing at-home waterboarding. That's intense. Wow.

That's somebody who really is not taking their kid being a dunce in stride. Wow. That person voted for Trump for sure. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey. Don't. There's no politics here. I don't think they voted at all.

Yeah, that's a good call. They spent their, you good call. They spent their you know what? They spent their day down in their shelter. Who makes those stickers? Where do you get a sticker like that? And you're like, yeah. Probably anywhere now on the internet.

Can anyone on the internet get an honor student one though? Can I go on eBay and find out? here's what i would like i would like to be able to select a specific honor student that i don't like at a school and have uh his name being peed on by kelvin from kelvin love it they don't just publish like oh yeah they get the uh jeff sm Smith honor student that anyone can buy. Yeah, I don't like him, so I'm going to get that custom made online.

Yeah. Because I feel like there's got to be a website where you're like, you can get Calvin Peehan on anything. Oh, sure. Totally. You know. Whatever, unitedsyndication.com. Well, waterboarding is when you essentially drown. It's like, or it's like a, what is it?

It's a dunk. No, no, no. They force water. They put like a blanket or a rag over your face and they pour water on it. Right. And you can't breathe for a little while. And it simulates drowning or it simulates. It simulates it by basically drowning.

Yeah, but it doesn't kill. Yeah, it doesn't kill. But what's his name? They use it a lot in no-kill shelters. What's his name? Yeah, when they need information on other dogs and cats. Oh, my God. Christopher Hitchens?

Hitchdog? He was very pro-waterboarding. And then as a thing with the newspaper that he wrote for, he said he would be waterboarding, and then as a thing with the newspaper that he wrote for, he said he would be waterboarding, and he said it was absolutely, there's no way they should be allowed to do it. Oh, okay. Did he think it was boogie boarding? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what it was.

He didn't read it very closely. He's like, what's the big deal? You do it on the water, you get a board, it's fun. You get answers. I'm into it, yes. You maybe get bin Laden. Yeah, if you want more boogie boarding, then we'll need some names. Otherwise, no more boogie boarding.

Yeah. They did this convention in Geneva, but there's no waves there anyway. Yeah. But yeah, he, in the video, if you ever see it, they tell him like to let go of, like he just has to let go of something in order to signify that it's over. And he doesn't even last a whole second. Wow. No way.

He said it so intense. Sounds like me in bed. So this guy has my kid waterboarded. Your honor student. Your honor student. What? Maybe for test answers? That's kind of fuzzed up.

Or maybe it's something that the kid made in shop class and gave it to his dad. I made a bumper sticker for you in shop class. I carved it out of him. He's just trying to be nice to his kid. Yeah, yeah. I'll put it on my car. Oh, my God.

And then he drives to the UN. My stupid kid made this. If I could name the head of the UN right now, I would name. Bunky Moon? Is that the guy? I don't know. I don't know. I was going to say Kofi Annan, but that's old timey.

Yeah. Boutros Boutros Ghali. Oh, classic. Utant. Yep. These are great, great UN collector's cards. I am following you guys the whole way here. Absolutely you are.

I know exactly what you're talking about. Another thing, what kind of fuzzed up stickers have you guys seen? I saw a guy the other day fuzzed up.

I'm just trying to be nice now because I regret my joke from high school. I feel really like... You didn't write the joke. We're all on board with that joke. Yeah, we're all on board.

You are not a bad person for that. All right, fine. It's okay. It's really fucked up. I saw a really fucked up sticker Okay fuzzed Fuzzed up

Fuzzed up Fuzzed up And well not really But it was like I mean it wasn't crazy But it was a guy He had an Alberta license plate Can you talk a little bit faster

It was a guy He had an Alberta license plate And he was wearing This really huge truck He was driving this massive truck And in massive letters On the back of his window Said

Just said I fucking hate people. Oh, wow. Okay, I know, oh, I hate people. Sometimes I want to say, oh, yeah, I hate people. I get it. But you went out and bought this sticker or had it made

in the same website that this guy had his kid do this thing at the shop and it's massive lettering. It's just, I fucking hate people and just drive like he just gets in his car every day and he just would

give you so much shit if you were looking at it like why are you looking at my truck the thing is like any

fuzz hole who is driving through traffic like they are in there behind you like you can tell

when someone's a jerk behind you but when they're ahead of you and you can read their bumper sticker you're like well okay fine yeah yeah yeah

you're like okay well like it's you know they're already gone they're already past you yeah and there's sometimes too

I guess I don't know my point well I'm like I'm the cram but there's stickers, too, it's like. I guess I don't know my point. Well. I'm like, what, I'm a crab? But there's stickers, you know, there was the neighbor that, at my old place, had the sticker, like, property protected by Smith and Wesson or something. Oh, yeah. And then he had, like, six of them on his door.

It was crazy. He had, like, one that said, like, we'll dial 911, and then by the time you're dead we'll dial another one it's like some complicated thing so are you gonna call you're gonna shoot me and then you're gonna call 9-1-1 but like in between shootings oh yeah have you seen that hilarious one that's like please save our pets if there's a fire hey emergency people we got pets you know what there's a funny one my new like current neighbor's house it says uh don't let the dog out no matter what he says and the dog is like super charming and it's a picture of the actual dog and i can see that dog always in the window and he totally looks like a dog would

be like come on come on let me out that's so cute dude who did let the dogs out? The Baja men. Oh. And women. Sure. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Amy, that brings us to the end of the show. No.

Yes. Can I sleep over? Yeah, you can sleep over. Absolutely. Can I sleep here? Yeah. Okay. We'll watch horror movies.

No. And then past midnight, horn movies. No. Okay, I'll stay. Okay, I'll stay. Okay, I'll stay. We'll watch season one of L.A. Law and be like,

when does it get horny? And then I'll be like, oh no, it's in the House of Lennon. Oh. Oh, it was Falcon Crest. What, do you have anything

that you would like to plug? Yes. I would like to plug the Ryan and Amy show has a show coming up in the Dress for Laughs Northwest Comedy Festival in February. At XY. At XY Nightclub.

Um, I forget the date, uh, which is great. So it's in February? It's in February. Those are quick kits. Oh yeah. So they're making those quicks. If you come to the show, bring a kit. We'll be handing them out.

Yeah. Oh, fun. Um, and then other than that, I guess just our, maybe check out our website. We do a ton of like online, uh, we do a lot of live stuff, but most of what we do and most of our bread and butter is the online comedy videos, which you can find at Ryan and Amy show.com. Cool. Yeah. And do you have a, like a Twitter account as well? We do.

Yeah. Ryan and Amy show at Ryan and Amy show. Our Instagram is probably the most used. Excuse me. I'm trying to plug things here. Stop plugging your head. Literally putting a plug into your head

and making a noise. Yeah, stop plugging your head, Dave. Very irritating to me. Dave, don't make me get my sticker that says by the time you plug your head, I'll call Smith and Wesson. I'm going to get extra horny

and freak you out if you don't stop right now. So then... Oh, no! Oh, no! Yeah, Instagram. So then Oh no Oh no Um Yeah Instagram

Instagram is At RyanandAmyShow.com Or sorry At RyanandAmyShow Yep Um And that's most of Sort of where we put our

Stuff That's where the That's where all the fun is Yeah Nice Well thank you so much For being a guest Thanks for having me

This was so much fun Um And uh You out there We want to plug Yeah We will be in February Yeah

Chicago Maybe we'll When the earthquake's happening here We'll be in Chicago Yeah The second city I want to say The 11th of February

As part of the very very Fun day podcast One day festival At Thalia Hall With You have all the facts Us Judge John Hodgman

yeah Jordan Jesse Go yeah The Flophouse yeah Tights and Fights Tights and Fights yeah

maybe others maybe others um a 12 hour podcasting extravaganza in Beantown Chicago

I mean it's not Beantown but they have a big bean yeah I've heard that one big silver bean yeah it's Christmas bean town, but they have a big bean. Yeah. I've heard that. One big silver bean? Mm-hmm. Yeah.

It's Christmas time in the city. Pretty good. Also. Oh, silver bean. Thank you. In March, March 4th, we'll be in Banff. Yeah. Get your tickets on the internet.

We'll post a link to both shows on the episode recap at MaximumFun.org. And check out that recap. Pictures and videos relating to the content of this podcast. Surely a picture of Knott's Landing. Something super H. Yes. Some sort of super H. You know what?

I'm feeling fun. I'll just post 50 hot farmer's daughters. Johnny Dakota. Oh, we gotta. The Exorcist. Oh, yeah. So scary. Don't post that.

I'll post the entire thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to see that. What's the scariest? What scares you the most? The green face? Her face, the way she talks, and what she said. She has a real filth mode.

Yes. I fucked the devil with your butt or whatever. I fucked your mother or whatever. And then she- I touched my butt with a pitchfork. That was the one. That's the worst one. I'm a nasty little devil girl.

Stop it. I'm going to leave. Okay. Well, it's time to leave. Yeah. Okay, fair. Thanks, everybody, for listening. If you like the show, please tell your friends stop it I'm going to leave okay well it's time to leave so that's good thanks everybody for listening if you like the show

please tell your friends to come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.