Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 463 - Kathleen McGee

Episode Date: January 30, 2017

Comedian Kathleen McGee returns to talk swinger parties, salt fights, and sex robots.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 463 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who couldn't wait to stuff his face filled with gingerbread, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah. We got some gingerbread in the mail.

A very nice listener named Brenna M. Knows how much I love gingerbread and sent two kinds. I think, well, one kind. Traditional cookie based. And then some kind of puppy, Pfeffernuss. Yeah, like something that grows natural in the woods, Pfeffernuss. You just pick it up off the ground, put it in a wet sack for a month and it's ready to eat.

Right? Hi, Graham. Hi. a wet sack for a month and it's ready to eat right hi graham hi uh before we introduce our guests we should let everyone know here in vancouver we have a show coming up hey yeah the uh just for laughs northwest comedy festival we will be doing a live podcast with john door as our guest at the biltmore february 23. No refunds. No refunds. Once you buy that ticket, that is it. And our guest today also will be appearing in the Just for Laughs Northwest Comedy Festival.

Very funny comedian, host of her own podcast called Kathleen McGee is a Hot Mess. Miss Kathleen McGee is our guest. Thank you. I love being here as always. Hi. Hi. Hello. Do you like gingerbread year round? mess miss kathleen mcgee is our guest thank you i love being here as always hi hi hello do you like gingerbread year-round like a summer gingerbread no i mean no i wouldn't because i got in trouble for drinking spiced rum at a summer party yeah that's a christmas thing but i'm like but i wanted but why are you why did you get in

trouble well they're just like that's a christmas drink you i'm like but i wanted but why are you why did you get in trouble well they're just like that's a principle drink you were mulling wine at a summer party everybody's like oh it's already pretty hot in here kathleen that's okay i want to make it steamier and i'm gonna make it drunker i had a mulled wine at the christmas market here this winter and that stuff gets you drunk fast like i was in a bathroom and there were these two women hugging. And I'm like, oh, friends. They're like, we just met each other. We drank a lot of wine. And had some Christmas time fun.

I was like, woo, Christmas. No, well, I think it's still okay to, you know, if you still have it in January, eat it. Yeah, absolutely. I'm not going to wait 11 months. No, yeah, save the stuff that got sent to you for next Christmas. Yeah. But the weird thing is, like, kids, let's get to know us. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Get to know us. Kids. Kids today. Kids don't know that Christmas is over. Like, they know it's over, but, like, I heard these two kids in a sushi restaurant singing Jingle Bells the other day. It's hard to get those songs out of your head

because they get really deep down in there. And then you do... They get dashed in through the snow. But I kept singing The Weather Outside is Frightful. Because it was. Yeah. It was bad in Vancouver this year.

And, like, most people are like, oh, that oh that's not really bad but i like someone went ice skating down my street the other day that's ridiculous it was bad think vancouver city council doesn't care if we all die i know our mayor our mayor showed up uh kind of like the mayor out of the simpsons like as soon as the all the ice had melted shows up dark tan does a press conference he's been hanging out somewhere i don't like that guy no no he's too dark tan bike lane riding you don't like it you don't like his life his name is gregor yeah gregor roberts like that sound like the name of a giant. Gregor. Gregor. The mighty Gregor.

Yeah. What have you brought back for us from holiday? Yeah, where are our blankets from Mexico? Yeah, if a mayor of a city goes on vacation, especially during a turbulent time, they should have to bring back something for the citizens. I agree. Like if they go visit your sister city. Yeah.

What is Vancouver's sister city? I think we probably have four or five. You have more than one sister city? Well, the opening of that question really answers the question. Well, I don't really have a sister. I have a stepsister. Oh, I wonder who our stepsister is. I wonder who our mean stepdad city is.

It's Moscow. Well, I just remember when you drive into Victoria, British Columbia, it tells you that the sister cities are Cairns, Australia, and like somewhere in Japan. Yeah, a lot of Japanese cities have sister cities in Canada. Yeah, no doubt. They all love living here. The Japanese? They love Canada. Well, what's not to love?

I'm not saying there's nothing to love. I'm just saying Japanese people love Canada. Five? What do we got? Okay. I'm trying to... In my mind, I'm like, let's turn this into a fun game. No.

Odessa, Ukraine. Yeah. I'm Ukrainian. I appreciate that. Me I'm Ukrainian I appreciate that Me too And I appreciate that A little bit more Because my last name Shamka

Yours is McGee Alright Let's Yeah my mom's maiden name Is Yurchuk though So that's pretty Oh there you go Yeah

Yokohama, Japan Mmhmm Edinburgh, Scotland Nice Yeah they Well if you go there You you're like, no, it's basically. Vancouver. Well, same climate, same greenery. Weed, you mean?

Scotland has good weed? No. Oh. Guangzhou, China. Yeah. That's like a, isn't that like a huge, huge city? Millions and millions of people. I think it's like the kind of city that 20 years ago had 20,000 people and now has 50 million.

Yeah, yeah. And they're all endangered servants. It's a... What did you call them? Endangered servants? Endangered. Oh, endangered. Endangered.

No, there was a great... Where's Foxconn? Is that where... Is Gwangju where Foxconn is? I don't know. What's Foxconn? It that where... Is Guangzhou where Foxconn is? I don't know. What's Foxconn? It's where they make iPhones and everyone tries to kill themselves. Oh, I thought it was like a convention.

Foxconn. It's an iPhone convention. Yeah. Yeah, I saw these photos, you know, of cities then and now, you know? And like New York then pretty much looks like New York now. There's a couple newer buildings. But all the cities in China were all just like

basically houses. And now are these huge metropolises. Huge. Wow. And Los Angeles is the final sister city. Really? Really. There you go. Los Angeles is our like weird sister that we kind of look up to but we're like, we don't really want to be that much like her because she has a drug problem. I mean, we have our drug problem.

And we don't? We have our drug problem too. But it's just up here. It's just pot. You know, that's not a problem, right? And a lot of heroin. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

And fentanyl. Oh, yeah. That's just killing people. You guys, stop being downers. I know. Sorry. Well, you brought up. That's just killing people. You guys. Stop being downers. I know. Sorry. Well, you brought up our... Intensured servants.

You brought up our weird sister at Los Angeles. Yeah, we were at Los Angeles and you were like, oh, yes. Drugs. Drug capital of the world. So, Kathleen.

Yes. How are things? What's new? Things are lovely. My boyfriend's moving into my house with me. Is this the boyfriend we met in Edmonton?

Yeah. Whatever it was. Yeah. No, this is a different one. I just met him last week. I'm moving him in. Because I'm desperate for love. No, I am.

He's very nice. Is this your first cohabitation with a mate? No. No, I've done it before. And? They've always gone sour. Well, they would have to. You can't.

No, I got a couple boyfriends in different houses in different cities but they are they always sour until you know one that sticks yeah yeah yeah this one's nice yeah so far what's it like because some people love living with a partner some people who they can't they can't they uh perish the thought oh well he even says that he's extremely needy. Like, he always has to, like, I'm not a needy person, and I'm not a huggy, touchy person. Right. What do you do?

A lot of handshakes? Yeah, a lot of handshaking, a lot of how do you do. A lot of notes. A couple handjobs. A couple handjobs? Every now and then. Sure, why not? Like, hello?

I am a big advocate of the handjob. I know that my talks always turn Like, hello? I am a big advocate of the handjob. I know that my talks always turn to sex, but I am a big advocate of the handjob, and I know guys are like, we don't like handjobs. No, no, no. Guys don't speak on behalf of guys. Don't listen to those guys. All I'm saying is there's nothing wrong. Are guys ever like, stop it?

Stop it. Knock it off. Well, if it's in the middle of that big presentation you've been working on. There's nothing wrong with throwing a little lube in your hand while you're watching a movie. That's all I'm trying to say. What type of movie are we talking about? Butter and popcorn. It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter, right? Whatever movie you're watching. Yeah. I mean, it can't be something too, you know, depressing. It has to be something, an action film or a rom-com. Yeah, that is true. Like, you can't, you couldn't watch, like, Life is Beautiful while jerking your boyfriend off.

Well, I don't know. The funny part. Yeah. Depends on how fast you do it. Depends on what Roberto Benigni is doing at the time. What happened to him? I don't know, but he's my safe word. Oh, my God.

What happened to him? I don't know, but he's my safe word. Oh my God. I just pictured you having weird sex and yelling Roberto Beniti. Roberto Beniti. Too much. What did he say when he gave his kiss? I want to kiss everyone. I want to make love with everyone in the room.

And he like jumped over this. They should have him there just every year as a fun. They need to have a fun foreigner at all of those events. He won the Oscar for best actor that year. Was it best actor? Yeah. Oh, wow. And didn't he win?

And it's not fair. Best foreign film? Well, I guess, but he was speaking Italian the whole time. How could you tell if he, he could have been delivering the lines all wrong. That makes him a great actor if he knew what he was saying. Because there is a scene where an American comes to

the concentration camps, like an American soldier at the end. Spoiler alert. And the American actor delivers his lines terribly. He probably wasn't an American actor. He was probably an Italian guy. Playing American.

Imagine watching a film... We an American actor. He was probably an Italian guy. Playing American. Because imagine watching a film. Wearing American face. What does that look like? Maybe stubble in a cowboy hat. Yeah. Howdy, partner. I've come to free the concentration camps. Oh, Lord. oh lord yeah it's like uh when um in inglorious bastards when

brad pitt's trying to be italian and all he can say is grazie um was that the movie where br's eating while he's acting. I don't know what... I'm confused on what this reference is. He does that in every movie. He eats in every movie? That's a famous thing. Really?

I didn't come up with anything. I thought we were going to bond over this. No, no, I don't know this thing. I've never heard of that before. I'm taking my gingerbread and going home. What did he eat in Thelma and Louise? Thelma. He ate Thelma. Or Louise. Which one did he eat In Thelma and Louise Thelma He ate Thelma

Or Louise Which one did he eat I don't know I can't remember Which one was which All I remember Is just him with Doesn't he have

Like a hair dryer At some point That he pretends like Is like a gun That's all I remember From that In Glorious Battle Oh no

Yeah During that sexy scene Where everyone's Drying their hair Cause that's a thing that existed in World War II. Well, I guess they would have had giant, like before they were commercial, they would have had giant industrial hair dryers. No, they had the things that go over your head. You didn't know that. But not then.

You didn't know that Brad Pitt dries his hair in every movie? I made a super cut. Brad Pitt dries his hair in every movie. I made a super cut. That would be amazing if he wrote that into his contract. Like, wait, there's no scene in here where I dry my hair. My long, glorious hair. I do like that. Oh, man, can you imagine having seven years in Tibet without a hair dryer?

Yeah, I couldn't be in Tibet for seven years without a hair dryer. Yeah, it's a uh i haven't used a hair dryer in a long time really once in a while if i'm in a hotel but i don't own one i don't think men usually use no i feel like it would it could do i could probably do some cool stuff with my hair it would be fluffier do some fluffy stuff yeah but yeah I feel like it does damage I have very fine hair yeah me too it is not good for your hair

that's why women use thermo nuclear war thing in our hair no you're like you're supposed to VO5 hot oil yes

things like that like spray yeah John Free does frizzies exactly I flatter in my hair and like I have to put a special thing in it so I don't damage my hair too much. Yeah. Do you dry your hair every day?

Usually every day. No, well, no. Let's be real. Do you wash your hair every day? Absolutely. Fuck it. I don't think any women do. No, I don't think.

That's a thing. I've been told men shouldn't. Well, I do. You're not supposed to. You're supposed to keep some of the natural oil in it. No. If I go a day without washing my hair, I look like I've been camping men shouldn't. Well, I do. You're not supposed to. You're supposed to keep some of the natural oil in it. No, if I go a day without washing my hair, I look like I've been camping for a week. It gets super greasy. It just like mats down.

It just looks, yeah, it looks greasy. Have you ever heard of dry shampoo? Yes. That's all we talk about. I've tried dry shampoo. It's hilarious. The results are hilarious. Why are they hilarious? just because i just it

doesn't my hair is very thin i've got baby elephant hair you do have a little delicate hair yeah yeah and so it needs to be washed pressed dry clean have you ever gone to a salon and get said give me a blowout uh no but what would that why i'm not even sure what that is. I've heard the term. So it's when you go and like they wash your hair and blow dry your hair, you don't get a cut. They just style your hair for you

and you can go and get it like. That does sound fun. It is fun. Do you go get your haircut ever? No. Okay, well, my favorite thing about the haircut

is getting your hair washed. That is probably one of, that's like a really nice thing. So yeah, so when you go and get a blowout, although I guess it would be weird to just go, can i get a blowout like that sounds weird coming from you probably i'm uh i'm in a pageant of some sort but you can get and they have different styles like you can get really volume you can get sleek yeah you you've obviously done it oh yeah i've

been blown what's the difference between a blowout and a Brazilian blowout? Because that was like your vagina hair. No, it's not a Brazilian blowout. It's not waxing it all off. No, no, no. That's what they should call it. No, no. They wash it and they dry it.

They can crimp it. I wonder if that's... I think I came off. Fine. I wonder if that's ever going to become a a thing like washing and styling pubic hair oh sure you know in your boutiques your airport lounges while you're waiting for a flight well have you ever seen that thing that's like a fish pedicure oh not on your vagina well pedicure would would uh insinuate that no not on on your vagina. But why not?

Yeah, yeah. I just saw Tannely Davis. She's in town. She is a little person. I don't want to sound ignorant, but I don't know what they want to be called. She's a little person. And she has a joke about how she went to go get a fish pedicure

and her feet wouldn't fit in the bowl so they said jump down and she said I was deaf to my tits that was the funniest joke she's a funny lady oh my god

I love her she is a funny lady yeah she's awesome she's I did a swingers club show with her in Vegas what

what does that mean yeah well there's a really seedy strip mall in Las Vegas way off the strip. Okay. And this guy named Howard Dover, who was like a Canadian living in LA, and he put together-

That's our sister city. Yeah, our sister city. Yeah. He put together these shows, and I just happened to be in LA at the time, and he's like, do you want to do this show? You have to drive the other comics. That's the only reason I was on the show. So I went, and it was like Jason Rouse,ouse and tanya lee and a couple of other people and we did a show in the bar area and then afterwards

we were allowed to roam the swingers club free okay okay wait wait wait wait mechanics of all of it so there's a bar area okay first of all this is all taking place in a strip mall. I have a classic joke about this. I was like, I... Well, I don't like your act. No, I'm just kidding. I don't know the joke. I thought I was so polite to your children. I kid, I kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's okay. What, okay, yeah, no. I don't want to do the joke, but... Just tell us the setup of the room. This is all taking place, so it's in a store front in the strip mall. Yeah, it's in a strip mall. Listen, I've done shows in three or four different swingers clubs. Swingers clubs love to book me.

Cool. I've never heard of it. Like, where are they? They're hidden. But you can find them. There's one in Las Vegas. There's what other cities? I'm sure Vancouver has two or three.

A swingers club is couples go and swap? Yeah. Or singles. Like the thing in the one in Vegas, it's called the Green Door. And I actually had the manager. I had the manager of the Green Door on like my second podcast. And because he's the one that was there when we were there. And it's basically, it's North America's largest swingers club.

It's a very large area so it's a uh oh sorry it's it's not a chain of swingers clubs it's no okay i don't know when you said largest i was like all right it's not like yuck yucks it's fuck have you seen the new michael keaton movie where he starts franchising swingers clubs but this place so it's got a lot of different like in all the swingers clubs I've ever been to, they have like, some of them have theme rooms. One I went to at Edmonton and it was in a, it was in a strip mall next to like a daycare. Oh, wow. Are you thinking of the Fantasyland Hotel?

Yes, actually. Yes. Those, those hot tubs in those rooms are disgusting. Anyway. But no, so this this place so you walk in and then uh you go upstairs there's like a bar area and they have a stage with a stripper pole and then um uh you go off and so then there's all these different rooms like they had one room that was like a stable room so it was like all these rooms it would there was no hay or anything it

wasn't like that well then it's not much of a stable. But they had like stalls, right? That looked like stable stalls. And if the rope was up, you could just watch. But if the rope was down, you could go in and join in and do whatever you want. People in the bar area.

Yeah. Fully clothed. Yeah, yeah. When I was there, like, I know. When you're performing, not to people having sex. No, no, no. It was just like, we were performing, having a good time. Right. Like, I know. So when you're performing, not to people having sex. No, no, no, no.

It was just like, we were performing, having a good time. Right. Just a regular show. And like, I know that there's one in Toronto that Christina Waukesha, who was just on, she's been to with Claire Brasso. And it's like got a pool in it and people walk around naked there. But nobody was walking around naked at that time. Everyone was like fully clothed at the show.

And then after the show, they're like, okay, you know, just wander around, do whatever you want. You can stay and go. And so then, Oh,

you're free to, you're free to leave. You're free to leave. But who's going to leave when you're in a swingers club, right? Cause I, and I had never been to one that size. It was crazy.

There was like, there was like a room where it was just like leather couches and then a giant bed behind plexiglass. You could watch group sex. There was like, that's what my room's missing. Plexiglass and group sex. You could watch group sex. There was like... That's what my room's missing. Plexiglass and group sex. Yeah, plexiglass. And group sex.

And group sex. I mean, for sure. They had like a doctor's room with like a doctor's bed and stirrup. Like it was crazy. And then this is the best part. What if you both want to be the doctor? The weirdest thing is like,

these are just, it seems like, I mean, just arbitrary places. Like, it's not like, you know, ancient Rome or, I don't know, what's a super sexy place. It's just like. Oh, yeah. I think it's like. A dentist chair.

It's like fetishes and stuff. I went to one. Yeah, because doctor's a big fetish, right? Yeah, yeah. I don't know, is horse? Or stable, I guess stable. Stable boys. Rolling the hay, yeah. Doctor, but there's no hay. Doctor, let's see, what horse? Or stable, I guess stable boy. Stable boys, rolling the hay, yeah.

Doctor, but there's no hay. Doctor, let's see, what else? Plexiglass. Accountant. This was an Edmonton swingers club. It wasn't the one in Vegas, but the one in Edmonton had this one room called the dark room. And it was literally, you would go in the room, and they would turn off the lights, and it was a free-for-all. And people would be like, I'm developing film here.

Oh, really? Like, nobody would know? Nobody would know nobody except that one guy who smuggled in night vision goggles in his butt up his butt yeah up his butt but that was a weird one that was weird but not like any of this isn't weird but this is the best one so there's this other room it's a big room and like you remember like drama theaters in high school where they would have different levels in your well i don't know in my high school we had like a different level room so this one had like three different levels and then it was the couple's room so you could only go into this room if you were with a couple okay but you could still watch from the outside but it

had this like mesh so you couldn't make out anyone's faces it was just you could see motions but you couldn't like right you couldn't it wasn't like you couldn't see out anyone's faces. It was just, you could see motions, but you couldn't like, you couldn't, it wasn't like you couldn't see dicks. Like you could just see the shadow of a dick. So then I was- Oh, that would be a good name for a book. The shadow of a dick. So then I saw, so I was with a bunch of people.

So I was just with this guy like, well, let's just say we're a couple of them. Go ahead. And so we went in and we were sitting there and you wouldn't be surprised at how quickly you just forget people are fucking around you. Oh, it just because it's happening it's just happening everywhere and then all of a sudden you're just like so that weather today was crazy wasn't you start having normal conversations but the best part and everybody just starts listening in because they're all tired of sex they're like what are they talking about weather and it's like the gym you have to spray your mat down oh sure and they have like buckets

of lube everywhere just like um the couple's all uh man woman or a variety of it was weird well there were a lot of like married couples in that room and and i'm telling you people it it's not like porn stars it is everyday average people it's not like the sexiest people in the world and most speakers are just normal average looking people so now in the because this has always been the thing that i've always like kind of wondering when wearing masks people would wear masks yeah there were people wearing that wearing wearing masks how do you how do you keep because there's couples and then you said there was also like single people could be yeah so the thing about, because there's couples, and then you said there was also single people could be in. Yeah, so the thing about that.

But there's got to be a cap, because otherwise wouldn't it just be all greasy dudes? This is the cap. So girls are allowed in. At the time when I went, girls were free, or they were like 20 bucks to get in. A couple is like, I think, 20 bucks or 50 bucks. A single dude is like 150. Wow, there you go so yeah which is like i mean it's cheaper than a prostitute in vegas but you're not guaranteed

to have sex but this is the funny but is that their slogan that they have on the business come to shadow of a dick it's a cheaper than a prostitute no guarantees i love it but this one so we were in that couple's room and uh this is the one with the levels yeah the level room and then so there were people watching on the other side of the i love people watching just sit there with a coffee yeah look at all these people fucking. So we were all sitting in that room and we just hear someone yell, Dad? No. But it was Jason Rouse.

He was just being funny. But it was really funny because literally everyone stopped fucking. And we're like, what? Oh, shit. Oh, my God. They should have done your joke and gone, Kevin!

I forgot I left my kid home alone. Oh, boy. But the guy that ran it, he said that people would come, like, from all, like, he's, like. I bet they would. Like, teachers and stuff. And, like, he said there's a lot of people that were like really like in a job where you can't express your sexuality

that would come so like teachers and like just like I don't know like I don't need to go to swingers club I talk about it all the time I'm not

I'm not sexually repressed but he's like sexually repressed people loved the swingers club so then here's the other like just purely

technical question let's get technical in the because you're in the bar area you're clothed and then there's these rooms where presumably you're not. Where do the clothes go? Everyone have lockers? Yeah, because I'm assuming you've got your wallets and whatever. And like the locker room, there should be a locker room where you can shower.

And also that would be where everyone would have sex. Yeah. In Edmonton, there was like they had a locker room room they had a women's and men's like change area but i i've never been naked in a swiggers club i've only just been a uh not a participant uh right watchers right but like uh yeah i don't know i don't know you didn't see clothes all over the ground no not like strewn everywhere yeah kind of like uh because that happens a lot especially in your colder cities that would be yeah jackets everywhere i bet it would be like, because that happens a lot, especially in your colder cities. That would be,

you know, jackets everywhere. I bet it would be like, oh, it's 50 bucks for a couple. $300 coat check. I was standing watching. And they're like,

how much to do it in the coat check room? That's my fantasy. The coat, no sex in the coat check room. Everyone's coat has to leave stain free. I got,

I was standing watching something and I felt a hit next to me and a guy was staring at me and jerking off and that made me really uncomfortable. I was not excited about it. That's no gentleman. But that's like a swimmers club. You can't go in there. Have he seen you

perform? Did he know you weren't one of them? I don't think so. I'm not one of them. But they have a lot'm not one of them but they have like a lot of strict rules of them it's not just a free-for-all in there like if you ask someone and they say no you cannot ask again you can't harass you can't like for for us obviously like that's not that well uh is there security all over the place too uh there's like bouncers and stuff it's like a bar is there a guy with like a fire hose he just brings it up over there yeah jeff was you know what jeff on the podcast i'm trying to remember he was talking about there

was a guy who was a little bit developmentally not all there but he worked for them he cleaned for them like swept up and somebody yeah thank you he's doing god's work i can't remember the whole story about it now but yeah that totally what uh do they only like in terms of your jokes do they only like filthy jokes or do they just like it's like when you go to a weed room you don't just do weed jokes they're regular people but i mean like i don't know these weed people are you sure about that but they are i mean of course they like jokes about jazz I know that well they did book like me and Tanya Lee and Jason Rouse

who are like dirtier comics so of course it's like their style like I don't know if like an alternative comic or what about somebody who's like squeaky clean I feel like someone

like a Jim Gaffigan would do fine at a swingers club oh boy I'm sure he's dying too I don't know sometimes I think the cleanest comics are the ones with the freakiest.

I don't know. With the freakiest devious? They're the repressed ones. They're repressing themselves so that when they get the chance, they go crazy. Look at Bill Cosby. Please, give me a break. That's true. He was our cleanest comic.

Yeah. So what do you think, then? Who do you think Jerry Seinfeld's into? Weird? Probably, like, I don't know. I don't know. Porsche's? He's into sex and cars fight club he's

in a fight club yeah he's into coffee he likes getting hot coffee spilled on him when he comes he's into superman i know that yeah well there you go um so this place it is for instance the one in vegas yeah how often would they have comedy? Like, do they have a, you know, a band one night? Do they have. I don't know. Like, I only did it once and I never heard of other people doing it again. I think it was just like if someone called and like, can we do a comedy show? And are the hornies, the people there, are they like, oh, no, you know what?

Let's wait for comedy night. Oh, yeah, exactly. Like, let's not go down tonight. You know, I think they do it as like a little bit of an icebreaker. Oh yeah, exactly. Like, let's not go down tonight. You know, I think they do it as like a little bit of an icebreaker, get this stuff rolling. Yeah,

yeah, You can't just like walk into a swingers club and cold start. You gotta warm it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

that's true. Something to drink to. Yeah, yeah. And then, I don't know, what else would work there? Ah,

you know, some sort of puppetry of the penis, I think would be very on brand. I guess that's, you said it was like a strip strip they have like a stripper pole too oh they have so many different but like so yeah but like the main the in the where you were doing stand-up would they have strippers there yeah probably okay i mean there's like a motivational speaker in there one week. Yeah. Get naked and walk over hot coals.

Don't burn your dick. Oh, we should all be so lucky. There were porn stars there. Like, I don't know. It was a weird

mix. It was interesting. I'm so glad I got the opportunity. It was weird and cool. And I'm glad I experienced it

through you. Yeah, yeah. It's a weird experience. It's like there were some things about it that I did not enjoy, but there were some things that were awesome. I asked if people were wearing masks. Yeah, I think.

Were they like the Reagan, Nixon masks from Point Break? No, it was like those masquerade-y kind of. Yeah. That would be cool. Your eyes wide shut. Or like those. Nixon came up, what the fuck? Darth Vader, full helmet.

This is an exact replica. I am reenacting the scene from Revenge of the Nerd. It came to Darth Vader because I don't know much about Star Wars, but I do know when he took his head off, he looked like a melted man. Don't know much about Star Wars. Yeah, he was, because he was, he was melted in a lava. So was he melted all over? Oh. Yeah, probably. Yeah. Yeah, and he, because he was, he was melted in a lava. So, is he melted all over? Oh.

Yeah, probably. Because he lost limbs. Yeah, he's got like a robot arm, maybe, and a robot legs. Probably a robot. Probably got a robot. Poor Darth Vader. No, he's fine. He got to live in that giant thing.

Yeah. The giant star. He's a bad guy. This is making some Star Wars fans so mad. He's a bad guy. You know, he lives Wars fan so mad. He's a bad guy. You know, he lives in that thing. That giant star. Look at the ball in the sky.

Yeah, it's a big ball house. Yeah, yeah. You know what I like to do to the Star Wars fans? I'm like, I love Captain Kirk. He's the coolest of the stormtroopers. Captain Kirk is the coolest of the stormtroopers. He has a good twist. Of the stormtroopers.

Are you mad right now? You look mad. Oh, no. Okay, are you a Star Wars person uh no i don't care i've seen i haven't seen the new one but um uh i don't i yeah i've never seen like i've seen maybe a couple of the star trek things but i've seen pretty much every star wars okay but i like i i i'm not obsessive yeah yeah no i get No, I get... Don't get upset. People got upset with me because I posted, you know how everyone

was posting their top 10 bands of high school and stuff? Yeah. I just posted a status that said, I'm really disappointed to find out I've slept

with a lot of people that listen to Korn in high school. And then I literally got letters from people. One of my friends called drunk, like, Korn is a novel.

I'm at a K corn concert right now get off your phone and enjoy the concert yeah it was like i couldn't believe how upset corn fans were i think it's as if they have some kind of unresolved anger i think if you're a fan of corn you're you're really you're into you're really you're intense yeah you're still a fan of Korn yeah yeah if you're I don't think they have

casual fans no you know like I think you could be a casual fan of quite a few bands but Korn and maybe like

who else would fall in that I feel like you know the Grateful Dead is somebody that in St. Cloud Posse those people don't just yeah

I'm just like an occasional juggernaut yeah I juggernaut all the time 24-7 juggernaut yeah In St. Cloud Posse, those people don't just... I'm just like an occasional juggalette. I juggalette all the time. 24-7 juggalette. Anyone in face paint at the sex clubs? Not that I can remember. I don't know. No face painting. Body painting, probably. The funny thing is, it gets

boring after about an hour. You're just kind of like, I'm done with this. So I went to a night... I met this one girl who was at the show and she was friends with the comics and i'm like i'm just my first time in vegas really like i want to go to like a vegas night club or something because i was still young at that time and thought nightclubs were fun and um you thought corn was great it's not corn was rad um but no so then we're like well let's go to she's like let's go to caesar's palace so So we went to Caesar's and we got into this elevator and these two dudes were in the elevator and they were like, what have you ladies been up to tonight?

And we were both like, I'm watching sex. They were like, we're at a corn tribute. I just have a feed. Oh my God. We were at green beans, a tribute to corn. The thing about... Creamed corn. About corn or...

Who are the guys that wore the masks? Slipknot? Slipknot. Yeah. They wrote the bulk of their songs, you know, when they were were like a 17 like an angry 17 year old and then so that's fine and I think you can carry that

through your 20s but then you're in your 30s you're coming up on your 40s and you're still having to sing this song yeah you know like

imagine if you had to read your diary I'm not a freak on a leash anymore I'm just a regular guy does anybody in the audience want to come up and sing it

we'll back you up and sing it we'll we'll back you while you sing it because i mean yeah what's the equivalent of that today like what is it like i don't know if there's bands where they're angry young men but i feel like it's like guys on the internet nice guys on the internet like girls don't like me because i'm nice to them or something is that the equivalent well but nobody pays money to go see those guys. To go see the friendzoners. Friendzoners. You got to start a band named the friendzoners.

This giant fedora comes in from the roof of the stadium. With the neckbeard. I mean, I think that was a lot of the music I listened to in the late 90s. Were you an angry? I think it was like a lot of emo as sort of friendzoner music. Like Bright Eyes? Yeah, sure. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, sure. I had a friend that I had a crush on that loved Bright Eyes, and then I started listening to Bright Eyes. I'm like, I hate this stuff. I didn't like it. It was too emotional. Yeah. Oh, you don't like that?

No. Okay, well, fine. I'm going to send you an angry letter. I hate emotions. I'm in to send you an angry letter. I hate emotion. I'm in a Bright Eyes concert right now. But it's, I don't know. Like, it's this, I don't know if you've ever seen that Metallica documentary. No, I hate Metallica.

Well, it's all the more reason to. Then you should see this documentary. Okay. Because they're, you know, they're pushing up on their 50s, these guys. And they're still having to write. They can't write an upbeat, you know, folksy album. No. And they have to be angry.

They were angry and drunk and poor, and they're none of those things anymore. Yeah. They're like so rich and sober. That's the thing. They all have kids, and they're all doing very well for themselves. That's the thing about any art form, like comedy, like music. Your early stuff is the struggle and then you're not struggling anymore once you're super successful. So you can't relate to people.

Just watch me. Well, I still have my part-time job and I still need it. But even if I didn't need it, I think I would still work at it it because otherwise you just sit at home and you can't relate to real people anymore i feel like i like it's but you know like there's people that haven't uh maybe crystallized their whole personality as being an angry teenager yeah because then you can't you know like how do you i bet you gallagher hates watermelons. No. No? Take it back. Take it back. Yeah, that's why you can't put yourself into a tiny little box.

Yeah, but it works, though, for the time that it works. Yeah. You know, like... Well, I always get that. You're the dirty comic. You're the dirty comic. And then when I try to, like, not... The joke didn't have a dick in it.

Yeah, when you bring out your watermelon, they're like, oh, boy. Oh, here she like, oh boy. Oh, here she goes, trying to be artistic now. Talk about dicks and cum. I didn't pay $5 to see you talk about your- I didn't come to this swingers club on comedy night. Yeah. To sit in the splash zone. Yeah.

That's disgusting and awesome at the same time. What did you listen to when you were a teenager? Now that you're, like, on that top ten albums thing, did you write one? No, because I couldn't really think. I liked Donnie DeFranco. I wasn't sure if I was a lesbian yet. I thought you said Donnie DeFranco. Donnie DeFranco.

I liked Donnie DeFranco. Yeah. I liked, like, I liked ska music, like, Real Big Fish and Less Than Jake. I like California Pop. Did you see St. Ferris is coming? Are they? Yeah. Oh, my God.

When? I just saw a poster on a pole that was still looking good. Yeah, sure. I liked those bands, and I loved Blink-182. I saw them live so many times. I saw Green Day live a bunch of times. I just, like, I don't know. What did you think their recent album was like, them all grown up as punsters?

I haven't heard it. I know I used to love it. I should. That's a shame on me. Is it good? If you like what they do. Yeah, I heard that one song that they released and I liked it. I'm like, yeah, this is Blink-182.

Yeah. That's what I like. Yeah. I just like. But you can still be a guy who likes to party when you're in your elder ages. God knows I do. Yeah. But you can't.

I don't think you can stay angry that long do you think no and that's the thing is like even like my my like i'll talk about my comedy act last year i was angry at everything because i was just not in a good place personally yeah you used to pick fights with people in the audience yeah i was fighting bitches yeah but now i'm like i'm not so angry anymore but it's just the ebbs and flows, because my comedy is just whatever I'm feeling at the moment. Like, it's not, I don't have, like, I'm not going to be a certain thing all the time. I don't know. But it's, you can't do that if you're Korn.

You can't be like, well, we're not so angry anymore. We want to talk about how happy we are because our wives love us. Because I wonder. And they treat us with respect. But I wonder the same thing about a very you know like corn like like Adele because her big thing was you know

these the scorned woman yeah the broken heart and now she's you know she's got a kid and she's found this guy and she's happy

she's happy so it feels like you gotta keep going back like ah when was I miserable but people don't want to hear about people being happy

they just don't they're not't want to hear about people being happy. They just don't. They're not. They want to hear about Skyfall. Somebody's got to sing about Skyfall. Do you think that just reflects the change in her personality? Well, I think what she did is she did the three or four albums of just her age. Yeah. And then it'll be Adele duets.

I think now she's closed that chapter. Right. And the next thing will be. But that's a cool concept that she could be like, okay, 35. Now I'm 35 and this is how I feel. Yeah. And then it's all freak on a leash, this and that. She gets angry.

I just love it. I'm not a freak on a leash anymore. But I have the same problem with my podcast. I'm not a hot mess as much as I was. Wow. I did just vomit in some bushes on Monday. Yeah, you know, it's a sliding scale. I'm lying to myself.

Change your podcast name to Kathleen McGee Hates Corn. Hates Corn. Call it Kathleen McGee, the tepid clutter. Oh, someone's been workshopping. I didn't just come up with that. Call it Kathleen McGee The tepid clutter Oh Someone's been Workshopping That's I didn't just come up with that

I'll be honest Clearly Fuck you Dave what's going on with you man You just You demolished that gingerbread Yeah I ate all the gingerbread Holy fuck

There's only one foof and loofal There's only one Fefernus left Thank you What was the woman's name? Brenna. Thank you, Brenna. You really hit your target audience with that gingerbread gift. Um, hi.

Hi. I'm Dave. Hi. Here's what's going on with me. One. Yeah. Uh, it's no, we didn't record for a long time. Yeah.

Because we had a bunch of episodes stacked up. But it's never cold in Vancouver. And it was cold. It was like below zero for six weeks straight. Yes. Which is horrifying for Vancouverites. Yeah. Yeah.

Our houses aren't built for that. No. Our bodies aren't built for that anymore. Our cars aren't built for that. No one got the undercoating. No one had no tires. Everyone was slip sliding everywhere. I live on a hill i heard it every

day that's my impression of it that's pretty good yeah and abby's parents were staying with us for a while and they her dad would go out every time and help people and i was like you can't you'll this will be your whole day you'll see your back out you just have to ignore people that is the true they have to learn they have to learn otherwise it's you know you this isn't your cross to bear yeah um but uh yeah it was so cold and i don't think we talked about this last time is uh the thing that seemed like communist russia was for a few days they started giving away free salt oh my god and there were fights at the salt war people would line up at the fire hall yeah and they would say when the salt would get there the time would be wrong and people would show up at the wrong time

and people would just end up stealing buckets and buckets of it yeah like pulled his i read he pulled his pickup truck up and started shoveling salt in the back of his truck. And people were like, yo, yo, you can't take all the salt. He's like, I'm going to be the king of my street. But no one was policing it. It was just like, they should have put a police station. That's actually smarter. But that's Gregor Roberts while he was away in Mexico.

He was, yeah, he was a suntan. He was a suntanning darling somewhere. I love that he showed up with a tan after people had made conclusions. I mean, I'm sure that he remembered to take off the flower lei that they'd given before the press conference started. Oh, let me put down this coconut drink. But it was like the top story on the news for days. It was. It was like people lining up.

Oh, it was so embarrassing. I know. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Because none of the stores. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Because none of the stores had ordered enough salt. Yeah. Yeah. And now it's just like overnight, a few days ago, it just was like 10 degrees.

Yeah. Yeah. So now what is everybody going to do with this? Because I'm sure stores ordered extra salt. But now the roads are just covered in sand and salt. That's not going away. No. That's Edmonton.

That's like growing up in Edmonton. I know. And then in July, they would take away all the gravel. July, it would take forever. That was the same in Calgary. Yeah, after the snow would melt, you'd just be left with dust and gravel forever. Anytime you visit any Canadian city other than Vancouver in the winter, you're like, oh, why did everyone buy gray cars?

Yeah. It's so gross. And also, you know, people's windshields. Everybody has. Cracks. Chips and cracks in their windshield from gravel. Yeah. It's a crazy.

It's not the best system. You know, given that, like, there's some scientists that are trying to figure out how to, you know, make humans live a thousand years. Some scientists that are trying to figure out how to, you know, make humans live a thousand years. The fact that we're still like putting rocks down is our best recourse. You know what I mean? Yeah, why haven't we gotten into like flamethrowers? Just like melt down that. Yeah, like one of those creme brulee torches.

Oh, so delicious. Put a little sugar down. Have some delicious streets with your gingerbread. I bought some creme brulee. Look, I'm fancy. Yeah, no kidding. They sell these little creme brulees at Loblaws or whatever, Superstore. And they come in a pack of two for $4, and sometimes they go on sale for half off. So one for the gym and one for...

Yeah, exactly. And you sprinkle a little bit of the sugar on top of the pudding. That's all it is. You're just going to have a morning creme brulee. Wake up. Oh, right. Creme brulee. Before you run out the door.

And on the instructions, it says you can use a... if you have a little torch, you can use a torch. I don't have a little torch. You should get a little torch. I should. You can buy them, the little ones. I know. I lived with somebody who had the torch. I heated up a dime with it.

Yeah. Why? I just was interested to see how long it would take to make a dime really hot. Did it turn red? Yep. Whoa, really? Yeah. It was cool.

My boyfriend is a chef. I mean, for sure. I'm for sure that probably cost more than the dime that I heated up in gas. Did it like melt the queen's face? No, no, no. It didn't melt it, but it turned it pretty hot. Did you touch it? I tried to melt the queen's face once with a car. You touched it?

I was very stupid. Sorry. What? Nothing. He's trying. They use like industrial torches in kitchens because I went with my boyfriend to Home Depot because they needed a new one for their kitchen because they make creme brulee at their restaurant. Oh, they don't buy it at...

They don't buy it at Loblaws. Loblaws City. City Loblaws. What's the difference between the industrial one? Is it like a giant... It's like a... You need to wear gloves? It's like a canister.

Yeah, the industrial, it's just a proper blowtorch. Yeah, but I've seen the little ones. But it's not like a giant tank on the industrial it's just a proper blowtorch but it's not like a giant tank on the ground no it's not a welding torch you said the industrial one well which industry the creme brulee industry of course David

but no it's just like a big tanky kind of thing because the little guns they have but they run out of Butane really quickly Or whatever they use You're telling me You're telling my roommate To realize

That's one of the That's one of the Nicest feelings though Is cracking through that Top of a creme brulee So but the other Alternative they have On the instructions

Is you just put it On the top Like you put the racks Of your oven At the very top And you put it Right under the broiler for like two minutes. Did you do that? I did that.

Did it work? It doesn't crack. Oh, it's not the same. It just sort of, you get a little like a sugar rug on top. When is your birthday? December. Oh, I missed it. I would have bought you a torch.

Yeah, nice year. I have enough. I have too many you a torch. Yeah, nice thing. Nice. I have enough. I have too many kitchen gadgets. I have enough torches. I have no room for anything else in my kitchen. I think you could always make room for a torch. Well, with the torch, you could burn a little place for it. Can we talk about how your house is like the Jetsons?

Yes, we can. Because I don't have anything else to talk about. I'm home all day with two kids. Yeah. And the baby is doing well? Baby is doing well. The baby is now weighs what? I guess it's sort of hard to compare because our first child was 11 days overdue and this child was nine days early.

But I think if you compare their weights to their due dates, they weigh exactly the same. Wow. Interesting. But it just took her a lot longer to get exactly the same. Wow. Interesting. But it just took her a lot longer to get to this weight. She's adorable. She's making weight,

as they say in boxers. When's the weigh-in? Did she just have a weigh-in today? When's the stare-down? Did she get a trash talk someone? Yeah, Ronda Rousey.

Goo-goo-ga-ga. Ronda Rousey. Did Ronda Rousey. Goo Goo Gaga, Ronda Rousey. Did Ronda Rousey get famous right before she got bad at what she does for a living? She had one good fight. Listen, don't get me started on her. I don't know anything about her. She had one good fight and then the UFC were like, aha, okay, this will shut the women up for a while.

We'll make her our queen. We'll put her in the Entourage movie. Yeah. And then she got all these movies and stuff, but she wasn't, I don't know. I don't know much about fighting, but I know she got knocked out really fast twice.

Yeah. But she had, she had like one, a dozen before that. Yeah. She was undefeated, but, uh,

because the, the, I think, tell me if I'm wrong, the, the women's side of, uh, MMA hadn't been cultivated.

Yeah, it hadn't. And so she was kind of like the first out of the gate. But that's why like so many of the 80s female comics you look at, you're like, what? Yeah, that's why Ronda Rousey and Paula Poundstone is the match that everybody wants to see. I mean, which one of them sounds like a better fighter name? Paula Poundstone for sure is a way better fighter name. Or a good Flintstone name. And Ronda Rousey is a way better Lady Cock name. All about Zona. Or sure is a way better fighter name. Or a good Flintstone name. And Ronda Rousey is a way better lady cock name.

It sort of is. It is kind of Ronda. And Ronda Rousey. Rockin' Ronda Rousey. That's a pretty good name. Put that toilet seat down, boys. I fall in. Octagons are weird. Oh my God.

No, but your house is like, when when i came in here i'm polite i knocked on the door because i know there are babies here do a lot of people ring the doorbell yeah yeah i mean i i've been to other people's houses where they put a note on the door yeah please yeah don't ring the doorbell we were too lazy but i came in and your child is inside the guts of a robot being swung around. She's in this robotic swing. That's how I can explain it best. Inside the guts of a robot.

She's in this swing chair called a mamaroo. Google it. Yeah. We call it the space chair. It's amazing. I want one. Yeah. We got it for the first child.

Yeah, it looks so relaxing. It does look actually really relaxing. It has like, it can swing for the first child. Yeah, it looks so relaxing. It does look actually really relaxing. It has like, it can swing you up and down. It has like four different motions. It can go figure eight. Oh my God, when this is done, can you demonstrate with your child in it? Sure, if she'll let me. Margo, our oldest, hated it.

So we got no use out of it. Like absolutely. I would come over. I'd have a quick five in it. But then they were like, it's not for you. You can maybe put your feet in it. Yeah. But even that seems like pretty nice.

Or putting just your head in it and just letting it rock your head back and forth. I've sat in one of those no gravity chairs where it feels like you're floating. What's that? It feels like you're floating. But where do you find such a chair? I've never heard of such a chair. Is this like a Lazy Boy? Or like you have to go to a...

A sensory deprivation chamber? Ooh, that would be nice. It was at Russell Peter's house. He had two. They're very expensive chairs, I guess. And they're so comfortable. Did he buy you a suit? No.

A suit? A gravity suit? That's what I'm asking. Can I have a gravity suit that's what i'm asking can i have a gravity suit please no they're just these super comfortable chairs where you like sit you know how they have those like glider rockers it's like a glider rocker a hundred million times better ah you just like sit in it it's like you're just floating and you can rock it like oh and like what you would sit and watch tv or something i don't know what the fuck you do with a chair i drunkenly passed out in it on new year's eve but you can do whatever you want but it's not like a thing like where it's all the way back you're staring at the roof or something no no it's like it's like you put it in your or he put it in his theater room not everyone has a theater room i do but, but that's all I have. I went all in on the theater room.

I got a theater room. I got no bathroom, no kitchen. You got nowhere to watch Plexiglas sex. You got nowhere to put your butane torches. Yeah,

but boy, is that theater room really, oh boy, oh boy. It is spectacular. At a certain point, like, it's all you need.

Yeah. Is it a theater room? Yeah, I mean, like, you do need, look, I'm here to tell you, you do need a bathroom. A lot of people will say that you don't, but.

You're right. You're right. What would you do if you didn't have one? A bathroom? Yeah. Well, I'd go out in the yard. You'd poop in the yard and everything? For sure.

That's already in my head. I've already figured that out. That's part of your earthquake plan? That's part of my earthquake plan. Because we had this little garbagey little shed in the back i just moved that that would become the de facto poo zone and uh i don't like this kind of talk well i know but you know what i mean you need to discuss because the end is coming soon i know yeah when i was in brownies uh like i don't like this kind of talk either you know like, like girl guides, but littler.

Yeah, I know. We went camping for a weekend and they had us in this big lodge and they only had outhouses. So you had to go like way outside in the middle of the night. So they said, you can't go out in the middle of the night. We'll just put a bucket out. So if anybody has to use the bucket, use it in the middle of the night. And I didn't understand what it was. So you put your friend's hand in the bucket. I poop to use the bucket, use it in the middle of the night. And I didn't understand what it was. So you put your friend's hand in the bucket.

I pooped in the bucket. Why? Why not? I was like seven. And then the next morning, like the leader was like, who pooped in the bucket? And I was so scared. I was like, I pooped in the bucket. You didn't have to say.

I know. You could have gotten away with it. I'm terrible. I'm going to pooped in there you didn't have to say I know you could have gotten away with it I'm a terrible we're gonna DNA test this so you better come forward I am a terrible liar it's how I got busted at the border

I'm a terrible liar but if you if they DNA tested it it could have been anyone from your family that's true my mom was there at the camp

I could have blamed it all on my mom my mom my mom my mom likes to shit in buckets. That's where I get it from. I mean, oh. Oh, yeah.

When I was a kid in your Cub Scouts, this was the trick. It was very clever on the part of the adults is before you went to bed, like, everybody, they gave everybody super salty popcorn just to, like, dehydrate everybody so that you wouldn't have to go out like that, you know, an adult wouldn't have to wake up like 20 times a night and help somebody out. It's the same reason my friend doesn't give her dog water after 7 p.m. So it doesn't be in the middle of the night. See? It's brilliant.

Yes. And if you have to get up early somewhere, drink a lot of water before you go to bed. Ta-da! It's like an ancient, it if you have to get up early somewhere, drink a lot of water before you go to bed. Ta-da. It's like an ancient Roman technique or something like that. Yeah. It's like a natural alarm clock. Yeah. Nature's alarm clock.

But back to what we were talking about. Okay, sorry. Your theater room. Yeah. At a certain point, don't you think if you had a one-bedroom apartment, if that one bedroom was also a theater room, wouldn't that be perfect? Because it's dark. It can get dark.

You can watch TV. Yeah. You can have a gravity chair. Yeah. And that can be your bed, gravity bed. Have some sort of gravity bed. I have a TV in my bedroom. Does that make it a theater room?

I don't know. No. No. I mean, can you describe Russell Peters theaterers theater room was it a it wasn't pretty awesome it was pretty cool it was a good way to motivate yourself to work harder yeah i know when i see somebody but when i see something that's way too out of my realm i don't i'm like i can't work that hard i don't like hard work's not at a certain point hard work's not gonna get me there yeah it's also like the guys that i know that work the hardest are not, they don't have theater rooms.

No, it's usually the people that have theater rooms are extremely lucky. Yeah. So you're saying Russell Peters is just lucky, not talented, doesn't work hard. That's what you're saying. No, that's not what I'm saying at all. Oh, you are a hot mess. He won't tell you that he's lucky. Well, I, uh, look.

He'd also tell you somebody can get her real bad. Oh, boo. I like him. He's a nice guy. Yeah, me too. I've never met him, but. But I do want to go to it. And you never will.

I want to hang out in his theater room. How many, like, does it have, like, seats, like, in the theater? It had gravity chairs. Oh, exclusively? Yeah. I don't really remember too much like it.

Yeah, fair enough. It was a wild night. I was really drunk. It was back in your hot mess days. It was. It was fun.

New Year's Eve. It was fun. Yeah. 2016. Bruce Buffer did the countdown. Who's Bruce Buffer? The guy that does the countdowns for UFC.

Oh. Are you ready to rumble? Michael Buffer. Michael Buffer the guy that does the countdowns for UFC oh are you ready to rumble Michael Buffer Michael Buffer no he has a brother I think it was Bruce Buffer and he has a mother

the Buffer brothers the Buffer brothers from Stranger Things they're known for counting yeah that was a surreal New Year's Eve for Kathleen

yeah no kidding I have a picture of me standing behind the DJ booth. And it's like Russell standing there. And then, oh, God, what's his name from Swingers? Not Vince Vaughn. Jon Favreau?

Was DJing. And I'm standing there like, what the fuck? That's pretty good. Yeah, that's pretty amazing. It was a really cool night. It was a really cool night. I've been very lucky to experience some weird ass shit. No, you work hard.

Yeah, I do work hard. So yeah, that's my life. People had to line up for salt and my baby lives in a futuristic chair. And you have an amazing fridge. I do have a fridge that shoots ice out at you. It is like living at the Jetsons house. You are

George Jetson. I am. Oh, boy, I've got that body type. What? Long and lean? Skinny arms. Skinny arms, kind of a real round butt. That's Dave Shumka.

He's a real George Jetson. He's got a real George Jetson body with an Elroy face. Is that the cartoon you would most identify with? Huh. Huh. What? Oh, you mean in terms of looks? Just like, what would you, I'm trying to think of who I would identify with as a cartoon character.

That's a very good question. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like, we're talking like a classic cartoon. Yeah. Like something that everybody would know. I think I identify with Captain Caveman a lot.

I don't know who that is. Which was Captain Caveman? He was a Hanna-Barbera era. Okay. I was just thinking along the lines of Hanna-Barbera era. The live action

Flintstones movies are both on Netflix now and I would recommend watching them. I loved them. The John Goodman one was I loved John Goodman. Do you know that they

if he did not say yes to being Fred Flintstone in that They would have done it. Yeah, the whole movie they were going to I too read the trivia on IMDB. Do you know that they, if he did not say yes to being Fred Flintstone in that? They wouldn't have done it. Yeah, the whole movie. I, too, read the trivia on IMDb. Nice to meet you. Do you do that?

All movies. Whenever we start watching, my boyfriend hates it. He's like, we start watching a movie, I open IMDb, and I start looking at the cat. Oh, no, I wait until I'm done in the movie. No, I got to watch. Then I get some trivia. So then if anybody brings it up, I got something in the holster. Yes.

What about, I remember once when I first met Abby, we first were going out. We went to a video store, Crazy Mike's, and they had movie posters. Yes. That you could buy for a dollar. And she saw Viva Las Vegas. Viva Rock Vegas? Well. Sorry, I ruined it.

No, no. You knew where I was going. Everyone knew. And she picked it up and she was going to buy it. And I was like, why are you buying that? Viva Las Vegas. It's Elvis. It's cool.

It's Elvis. It's so funny if you would let her buy it and maybe she would have never replaced that you had a giant frame poster of Viva Rock Vegas. And then I I pointed to what the label actually said. Flintstones Viva Rock Vegas

not even the John Goodman one. Yeah it was some British guy was there. The guy from the stripper show. You have to be

from Noble Birth to compete. That's him. That's him right. He was a pretty good young friend Fred Flintstone. French Flintstone.

Was it a prequel? Yeah. Yeah it was a prequel. That's him, right. He was a pretty good young Fred Flintstone. French Flintstone. Was it a prequel? Yeah. Yeah, it was a prequel. That's how he met Wilma. Oh, they met in Rock Vegas at a swingers club. No, what were the Flintstones called? A swingers club. I don't know, but I remember there was a great...

A hard rock club or something. A great gag on Family Guy involving the Flintstones where at one point Barney tells Fred that he got an Eroction. And so I think that would be a good name for a swingers club in Bedrock. Eroction. They have to. Make the Bedrock an Eroction. Yeah. If you're a Simpsons.

Oh, if the bed's a rock. If you're a Flintstones writer, you have to substitute the word rock, stone, or slate. My favorite was Anne Margrock. Anne Margrock. And real Anne Margaret sang... Yes. Viva Rock Vegas. Wait a minute. You looked up trivia for that movie, too?

You bet. Yes. There's not a movie that I watch that I don't look up trivia for. Me, too. Thank you. I always felt it was weird about that. This is a new thing for me because I didn't realize that IMDb had that feature. And then I was just looking because I like to figure out where everyone's movies are.

Because I used to like to watch a movie. I like to watch. And then go back and then watch it with commentary. But you can't do that on the streaming services. No, you have to buy the... If you buy it on like Apple TV, if you buy it directly from iTunes, you still get the extras. But yeah, it's not the same. Yeah.

So, you know, so I got a supplement somehow. They gotta find your trivia somewhere else. You gotta find it somewhere else. What's up with you, Graham? Well, I've been watching these Flintstones. Tell me about them. They're not bad. I mean, you know, they been watching these Flintstones movies. Tell me about them. They're not bad. I mean, you know, they're kids, light kids fare.

I mean, any reason, I'll accept any movie if it's a reason McDonald's will bring back the McRib. Well, that's right. Which they did. Did you watch that rap movie yet? Uh, which one? The one we were talking about the other day. Viva Rap Vegas? Oh, I thought you said rap movie yet? Which one? The one we were talking about the other day about the rats. Viva Rap Vegas? Oh, I thought you said rap movie.

No. Because I did watch a movie about rap last week. I thought that's what you said too. What did you say? Rat. R-A-T. It was a rat documentary. Do you know who made that?

Who? Morgan Spurlock. Oh. So he eats a rat every week. He's not in it at all. So it's a fun one to watch. Oh, yeah. No, I don't want to watch it.

It's really horrifying. No, no, no. But I did watch a documentary on Netflix, and it is one of the funniest things. I don't think it's supposed to be funny, but oh, boy. I watched it by myself, and you know when you see something and you're on your own laughing really hard? That's a good one. You're like, oh, boy, this is good. It's called My Sex Robot.

And it's a... I'm already laughing. It's about these... Well, they're not young, but these guys... Are they dumb and full of comedy? They come with that option. These guys who are wanting to be first on the market with a sex robot. Wow.

If you're not first, you're last. Yeah. And they follow a couple guys who really want to have sex with robots. Which is every guy. No, but that's the thing. These guys specifically want to have sex with robots. That's the thing. More than they don't

care that it's a surrogate for a real person they really want to have sex with a robot it's a fetish yeah so if it is robotic that's not a deterrent that's a that's an advantage for these guys anyways the the one that this guy brings to the conference is the funny it i mean it got it's like something out of a waiting for guffman or something like it's so it is so bad it is so bad it's like it's so robotic it is no it's just the scariest looking thing in the world. At what point? I want, can you Google it? I want to see what it looks like. No. This guy's got a wife

and she has to style the hair and she's like I'm not, don't mess up her hair, don't mess up her hair, I'm not doing this again. Give her a blowout. And they unveil it and there's audible laughter in the crowd where do they unveil it at a like a sex convention and uh oh it could have been a robot convention no that's true uh

and so they they they follow that guy they and the the best part of it is they'll ask these guys that they're following who want to have sex with robots. They'll say, well, do you want to have? Would you want to have sex with this robot? And they always play it really coy. They're like, oh, maybe. Anyways, and then there's a guy who's building these ones in his garage. garage and uh you know it just kind of looks like um like something that like an automatic you know shoveler or something but a mannequin head's been stuck on the end of it and uh anyways it's honest to god one of the funniest things i've ever seen that does sound like and i love

when things are unintentionally funny yeah and they're not mocking the people in the documentary but they should have known that that was they're gonna be there waiting for government is my favorite movie of all time this is like a real like it that you couldn't make a funnier fake version of this movie remember at odd block this summer we were both at the odd block comedy festival in winnipeg and i ate a the first night i was there i ate a weed cookie too much of a weed cookie and i was like extremely high sitting in the lobby of this of the park theater which is very awesome but at one point i'm like i feel like i'm in a waiting for government movie like i just looked around and there are all these little groups of people and they're all like

different doing different silly things and i think I told someone and they got really offended. Yeah, like this, like you were a bunch of were lovable losers. Yeah, but I didn't mean it that way. I don't know. Too late. Hot mess coming through. It was a really fun festival. I was way too high.

It always happens to me. You were in a theater, you felt sort of weightless. It was like Russell Peters John Favreau was there. He was telling you your money. I'm so embarrassed how much I name dropped. That's awful. No, that's great. It's great.

No, it's not. So that's what's up. Graham just name dropped a bunch of sex roles. Yeah, yeah. Some of the best. Did they have actual names? Yeah, Roxy was. Why is it always Roxy?

I don't know. But man, oh man. Her voice. Oh boy. Can you do an impersonation? Well, it's just a lady's voice. Just do an impersonation. Don't explain yourself. Yeah.

It's just a normal... Was that Will Smith? Does it sound like a robot? Like, put it in me, David. Yeah, it sounds like a robot. What? Put it in me what? I said David. Not because David's here, just because it's the first thing.

No, too late. Nobody called me that. Look at your weird hair. It's fine. So that's what's going on with me. I watched this great sex robot documentary. Learned a lot.

Learned? I learned to love again. I do have weird hair. Yeah, you kind of... You look like Fred Flintstone right now. At one point, you kind of brush

your hand against the back of your head and then it just stuck straight up it looks good i like it um do we want to move on to some overheards yeah i'm allegra ringo and i'm renee colbert and we host a podcast called can i pet your dog renee can i tell you about a dog i met this week i wish that you Dog? Renee, can I tell you about a dog I met this week? I wish that you would. In turn, though, can I tell you about a dog hero? May I tell you? About a dog breed in a segment I like to call Mutt Minute. I would love that.

Could we maybe talk about some dog tech? Could we have some cool guests on, like Lin-Manuel Miranda, Nicole Byer, and Ann Wheaton? I mean, yeah, absolutely. I'm in. You're on board. What do you say we do all of this and put it into a podcast? Yeah, okay. You think?

All right. Should we call it, like, I don't know, Can I Pet Your Dog? Sure. All right. What do you say we put it on every Tuesday on Maximum Fun? Or on iTunes? Sounds good to me. Meeting's over.

My name is Patrick. My name is Ariel. My name is Ariel. My name is Joe Coghlan. The first time I went to MaxConCon, I didn't know anyone. I was really nervous about that. Everyone said not to worry about going alone, that I'd make friends right away, that I'd have an amazing time. It turns out everyone was right. I instantly had 200 new friends. I've made lifelong friends at MaxFunCon

that I'm going to keep in touch with for the rest of my life. If you aren't sure if you belong at MaxFunCon, you belong. Don't be like me. Don't waste two years being too nervous. Just go already. Join Ariel, Patrick, and Joe at MaxFunCon. T tickets for max fun con and max fun con east are on sale now at maxfuncon.com overheard overheard it's a segment in which we hear the things out there in the world and then we exchange them here and we figure out who has the priciest one and they get to be king or queen for a day. For real? No. Oh. I wanted a crown. But we always do like to start with the guest.

So Kathleen, if you would. This is exciting because I have one that I'm like, I can't wait to tell if they ask me to be on Stop Hawking. And it happened. It happened. You were on like two months ago though. No, I know. But this happened recently.

So I was like preparing. She was on our most recent live episode. That was so much fun. I had so much fun at that taping, by the way. First snowfall in Inman. Oh, yeah. Okay. So I was at a little coffee shop.

There were two girls. And one of the girls said to her friend, I'm going to be putting my cat on a plant based diet. And her friend said, you're a bitch. I will call the SPCA if you do. And I was like, yeah, I was just like, I wanted to hug that woman because like, I'm sorry, you can vegan yourself all the way to heaven and beyond. Not a fucking cat. Cats need meat give them their meat

yeah give them a rat I couldn't believe this girl and she was all proud of herself but I love how her friend was like

you're a bitch yeah don't put this on you Far it's good I thought that was a good one I just saw

catching up on top movies of the year I just saw Inside Llewyn Davis I'm catching up on the top movies of 2014 well yeah I just saw Inside Llewyn Davis. I'm catching up on the top movies of 2014. Yeah, he has a cat. Well, he doesn't have a cat.

He loses a cat and tries to find it the rest of the... Sure. I'm trying to remember it. I saw it. I just can't remember it. It's okay. Yeah. It's a...

No, my sex robot. I'll tell you that. I don't think anything's going to top that for a while. It's as good as it gets. What was the name of... Oh, Small Wonder. Of that robot? She wasn't a sex robot.

I assure you. I mean... She wasn't programmed to be a sex robot. Yeah. What are you insinuating? I'm saying... That the dad was some sort of perv? No, no, no, no, no.

She was a child, Graham. Yes. I am aware. So was I. And we grew up together. So you think they would have upgraded her every year to grow up? For me. Yeah.

I would have. Okay. Fair enough. Is that the reason? Because somebody told me I looked like I had a top bun and pearl earrings. And I was like, you look like a sexy pebble splint stone. And I was like, she's a toddler. Yeah, yeah.

That's true. Yeah, they never. Like, he didn't say you look like a sexy grown-up Pebbles Flintstone. Right. He says you look like a sexy Pebbles. I mean, does. This is a Flintstone heavy episode, sorry. Does Wilma look like Pebbles?

Red hair. Yeah. They both had red hair. Pebbles was really cute, though, so it was kind of flattered. He could have just said Wilma. Yeah. Oh, yeah. But Pebbles had the famous kind of top bun.

Yeah, I had a top bun. Top bun situation. Yeah. What did Wilma have? She had kind of a real bouffant kind of. Back bun. Yeah. Back bun.

She's a real bun head. Yeah. Dave, do you have an overheard? This one is a photograph I took. Okay. Back bun She's a real bun head Yeah Dave do you have an overheard? This one is A photograph I took Okay I posted this on Instagram I'm running low on overheards

This is from A few weeks ago I was at a hockey game Uh huh I went to the The team store To buy some Some hockey paraphernalia

To buy some swag Oh my god If it's what I think it is It was a It was a a hat with an orca. A hat that looked like an orca. A snow hat. A snow hat? The brand name was Squirt Squad.

Squirt Squad. Because it's a kid's thing. They also have giant green fingers. Yeah. Oh, is that what you thought it was gonna be yeah like Hulk hands yeah cause they look like

if you're into fisting jokes you would think that was funny I am into fisting jokes keep going I'm not no I just saw it

and I took a you're not in anything poopy or sexy I take fisting before poopy and you'll always be droopy that's the expression fisting before poopy. And you'll always be droopy. That's the expression.

Fisting before poopy. Always be droopy. Pooping before fisting. You don't know what you're misting. You don't know what you're misting. Squirt squad is supposed to be like, you're a kid, like, hey, squirt. Hey, squirt. Oh, I totally didn't catch that.

It's too bad that squirting has ruined that. It is bad well i just thought it was like is there a novelty like it squirts water or something but it's just supposed no i could have described it better you're right it's because it sounded like a hat that had a whale on it yeah no that's right no you're right yeah yeah you're right boy i would have loved that as a kid a squirting hat yeah of course i would have loved anything as a kid. A squirting hat? Yeah, of course. I would have loved anything. Squirting flowers. Good new squirting hat, guys. That, I think if you, if anybody out there is in the novelty business.

I don't know who makes novelty. I bet a squirting hat exists. Google squirting hat and see what comes up. It would be easier for a kid trying to pull off a prank. A squirting hat is going to work better than a fucking flower. Why would a kid be wearing a lapel flower? That doesn't make any sense. Because he has some goddamn fashion sense.

Because he looks up to Pierre Elliott Trudeau. Yeah, why is he wearing a suit jacket to wear this kid? No, we're not. No. The research results for squirting hat are all bad. Image-based squirting hat. That's what I want to look at. Well, what do you think he's looking at?

I love squirters. I heart squirters. That's the cleanest result. Fair enough. I found a hat at Value Village that says, I lost my, I can't remember. I lost my wristwatch. They stopped looking at squirting hats. Well, that's pretty normal.

I lost my wristwatch in your vagina. I couldn't believe I found it at Value Village. I have a picture. I don't have my phone on here. I'm on my Facebook. I'm wearing it. And it's like a horrifying hat. It's like I lost my wrist watch in your vagina or something

but I found it at Valley Village if a man was wearing it I'd be disgusted but I proudly wear it because I think it's hilarious it's also very specific

that hat yeah have you seen that hat it wasn't a pocket watch no have I seen you wear that hat no I had a Facebook

profile picture with it on but I can't remember what it says now no let's move on. Graham, do you have an overheard? Yeah, I do. A couple of weeks ago when I was visiting my family in Calgary, my brothers, we went out on the town at one point.

Where'd you go? Downtown. Did you go to party clubs? No downtown we went to did you go to party clubs no we went to a couple like antique stores and stuff

yeah I was gonna say you didn't even go to a bar I was like no no no this was in the middle of the day

oh well when you said me and my was it just you and your brothers yeah yeah it's just me and my brother you ditched your

parents and we went out on the town you went out antiquing yeah we went out antiquing and uh my we went out antiquing. And my brother's car got towed at one point.

Oh, no. So we had to go to the tow yard. And everybody's so miserable in the tow yard office. And there's this group. It was the girl of the group had her car towed. And she was with three guys. And she's just freaking out because it was her mom's car and she didn't have the money to get it out

and at one point one of the guys that was with her tried to console her with this nugget. Oh my gosh I'm so excited. She's like god damn it nothing ever works out and he goes nothing ever works out unless you live in hell.

What? Wait. I know. ever works out and he goes nothing ever works out unless you live in hell i know i know but that was what that was his way of consoling her nothing ever worked he was a corn fan me oh sure definitely they were that's probably why they were so upset they had tickets they had tickets to the corn christmas concert i'd maybe had my car towed twice yeah ever in 10 years nothing ruins your day like that well because it was one of those things like we walked out and it was a very weird uh like it was only on wednesdays and sunday kind of thing and you weren't allowed to park on parking well antiquing while antiquing. Yeah, it was like, but every car on that side of the street had been towed. It was 100% of the cars.

I like seeing a high-end car being towed. That's fun. Yeah. Like a BMW, you're like, yeah, stick it to the man. But I'm, I like, it's such a terrible feeling being towed. I never let tow trucks in. Into your heart?

No, into traffic. Oh, you really hate tow trucks. I'm slowing them down from whatever, from ruining someone else's day. Yeah. That's like got to be, I don't know how people do those, like the tow yard. Like, I have applied to the tow yard. I hope I get that job. I hope I get that job come on just

miserable people hate me all day all day yeah and it is pretty it's like one of those places where you walk in and there's the first thing you see is a sign that says we will not tolerate harassment of any kind because it's the most i'm sure like any place that you go to and that's the first thing you see you're like oh they've had you go to and that's the first thing you see. You're like, oh, they've had cops down here. They had that at the emergency room a couple weeks ago when I cut my finger. Yeah. I don't doubt. In Vancouver emergency rooms, I do not doubt that.

Yeah. Like, no abuse of talking. You see it on the bus. They've got a big sign on the bus that says, you know. I worked at a call center where we were allowed to release the call if they started swearing at us. Nice. And it was always so fun. Were you allowed to release the hounds? Release swearing at us nice and it was always so fun were you allowed to release the hounds release the hounds it was like a it was fun some lady called me a white honky bitch once on were you i guess i must have been acting because

i wasn't giving her her free shipping no yeah and then yeah and i said if you start swearing at me again i'll release the call and she goes fuck you fuck you. And I'm like, boom. It was so fun. It felt good. Yeah. So, and then does it just. They have to call back or whatever. Are they still in the middle of a rant? Yeah. And then they realize. They're gone.

Yeah. Get off my phone. Fun. Now, we also have overheard sent into us by people around the world. If you want to send one into us, you can send it into spy at maximum fun.org. And this first one comes from Courtney E. Don't know where from where.

Okay. Someplace. Okay. Let's say Courtney BC. Yeah. There you go. I was in a dentist waiting room with a mom and her kids. The middle daughter was about eight or nine, and she was practicing her Spanish by singing the numbers.

Her mom commented on her song choice, and then the girl stood in the middle of the waiting room, looked at me, and said, I can speak three languages, Spanish, English, and British. Then she said, hello, and twirled back to her seat. Nice. Pretty good. Oh, shithead. A little cocky pitch. That's pretty good.

That is good. Yeah. If there was a separate, you know, learning British, it would be the easiest language to learn. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's true. Then you could say, yeah, I'm bilingual.

I'm doing Rosetta Stone. You do have to learn. I feel like's true then you could say yeah i'm bilingual i'm doing rosetta stone you do have to learn i feel like my i remember i had a cousin no you just need to visit london for a week and you come back and everything's a loo to you but they use different but they use different terminology like pants is your underwear there and yeah that one the one that uh really took me for uh that nobody told me until the last week i was there is that what vest means over there what does it mean like an undershirt oh it's a vest and a vest well we what the rest of the world acknowledges is a vest how did it throw you for a loop though were you wearing a lot of vests no i had a joke that had the word

vest and they were the people in the audience were like why the fuck would this guy be wearing a lot of vests? No, I had a joke that had the word vest in it. Oh, no. And the people in the audience were like, why the fuck would this guy be wearing a vest? My cousin found out that a lift. They call it a top coat? Waistcoat. Waistcoat. She asked a guy for a ride somewhere, and he was like, what? I guess a ride is having sex with them. You're supposed to ask for a lift.

Oh. Oh, a lift. But that's an elevator. I know. And they're so backwards back there. They drive on the wrong side of the road. They drink tea instead of coffee. What's wrong?

They walk on the ceilings. They park on the driveway. This next one comes from Patrick K. from Chicago, Illinois. At the end of a week-long trip with other teens from my church. So this guy's a teen or a church leader. Well, this episode is not appropriate for him. Not for teens. For churches.

We were all exhausted and riding around in silence in our rental van. Out of the blue, one of the girls exclaimed aloud, Oh, I get why they call it a scarecrow. exclaimed aloud, Oh, I get why they call it a scarecrow. That is some good clean church humor. Yeah. But, you know, like you just hear that word.

Yeah. If you've never been to a farm, would you know that that's what they were there for? Or if you've never really put yourself in the mindset of a crow. Yeah, it's true. A crow is really that dumb. I thought they were smart. Like, really? A stuffed the mindset of a crow. Yeah, it's true. Are crows really that dumb? I thought they were smart. Like, really?

A stuffed animal scaring a crow away? I don't know if it... I don't know, because isn't the gag always that the crows are then hanging out on top of the scarecrow? Also, it should just be like a crow sitting place. Yeah. Crow perch. Crow perch instead of a scarecrow. Like a, yeah, like where a bunch of crows hang out. Like a crowbar.

Crowbar. That's from The Simpsons. Boo and awesome at the same time. This last one comes from Michelle, also from Chicago. Oh, boy. What up, deep dish? This is three facilities facilities maintenance dudes uh they're in the middle of discussing the interests of their mutual friend uh and this comes in halfway the kennedy assassination

that's tommy's thing oh yeah jfk yeah oh and barges tommy lovesges. Every time we're working on the roof and you can see a barge on Lake Michigan, he goes, Hey, look at that barge. Jeez. Tommy seems fun. Yeah. Tommy loves barges. Like a three-year-old is into trucks. Let me see your truck.

Fire truck? Yeah. Dumb truck? Yeah. truck Hey there's a barge Everybody stop working for a second Barge Every Anytime anyone was spinning their tires On the ice

Margo the two year old Wanted to look out the window During the last month So it's been a lot of just picking her up, showing, like, holding her up in front of the window. Laughing at a stupid adult. Not even! Just like, she doesn't even laugh. I stood and watched a guy struggle for a while.

It was fun. Yeah. He was trying to get up a hill, and I'm like, you should get snow time. Now that I think of it, barges are pretty cool. What's their deal? I don't know. Just that they're so, that they can carry so much trash. Uh-huh. And they've got, you know, a lot of barges will have tires hanging around the outside of them.

Hanging out? Yeah, when they bump into things. Yeah, I think they're pretty cool. Now that I think of it, I kind of like barges. I mean, one day you could carry that much trash, if you're lucky. Or if you work really hard. Do they only carry trash? No, I think, you know, I only know trash barges, but, you know.

I feel like if you renovated one, you could have a party on it. You could get married on a barge. Oh, I have heard of party barges, but they're little and they're at the lake. Yeah. Yeah, and they're filled with, like, trash. Yeah. White's trash. In addition to overheards that are written and we also accept your phone

calls if you would like to call us oh boy you're gonna want to know the number and i'm gonna give it to you because you've been so good this episode and the stalling will end at a certain point but not yet because i wanted to tell you that our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That is one, ugh, SpyPod 1, like these people have. Hey, Dave Graham and guests. This is Sam from Los Angeles calling in with an overheard. I'm visiting my friend at her college and walking across campus, I just saw a student looking very sincere and serious on the phone, and I caught the very beginning of his voicemail that went

like this. Hey, just wanted to call you and say hi. I saw you today. I had this really great artichoke and then he was out of your shot. And I got to the heart and I thought about my heart and how I feel about it. It's covered in green hair

like an artichoke heart. Now I want to know. Did you ever eat an artichoke on its own? What do you mean? Without a dip? Without a butter? But like the whole thing that you... Yeah, with a butter or...

Oh, yeah. We used to do that. That used to be like a fun summertime. We do it all the time. Artichoke and butter? Yeah, we keep, you know what it would do? It would keep little kids occupied because you have to peel the thing. Then you have to scrape it on your teeth.

Like raw? No, no, you steam it for an hour. And then you pull off the leaves. Then you dip it in butter. I've only ever had like super fatty artichokes. Yeah, or mayonnaise, that's it. That's've only ever had like super fatty artichokes. Yeah, or mayonnaise. That's right. That's the only thing I've ever had artichokes in.

And then you kind of scrape the meat of it off on your teeth. And it takes forever, but it's great because then the kids. It's like the vegetarian equivalent of lobster. Yeah. Oh, fun. It takes a while to eat. It's a lot of work. And you dip it in butter.

And then at the end you get the heart. And it's this kind of like really, it's meaty vegetable. You scrape off the hair. Yeah. The choke. You get to say I got someone's heart. It's so nice. It's really nice.

It's a real nice vegetable. It's a real nice guy. Dip rhubarb in sugar. Rhubarb in sugar. That sounds all right. Lick it, dip it and chew it. Because it's so sour was this like a

like a raw or a cooked yeah raw yeah just pick it out of the garden people that used to yeah just eat rhubarb raw

blew my mind but I had like I dipped it in sugar yeah or eating carrots right out of the ground with the dirt still on what

oh my god wow I used to not all of them I would need them like I'd be underground and I'd pull them further I used to, I would need them, like, I'd be underground and I'd pull them further underground

with me and I'd eat them. Would you sometimes find that you and a farmer were fighting over the same? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you were like Bugs Bunny.

That's your cartoon equivalent. I don't know who that is. I could see Bugs Bunny. I could see Bugs Bunny. Yeah. I was trying to think of his catchphrase. You're like, watch Space Jam. Check me out in Space Jam.

That's the only thing in the game to mind. What's fast is fast can be. You'll never catch me. Oh, close. Here's your next overheard. Hi, Dave. Hi, Graham. Hi, special guest.

I'm calling with an overheard I have these two lovely old ladies Who clean my house every couple weeks And they're always talking about the Ailments of their various friends And they just said Have you seen Brian? He looks great You wouldn't know they took out his skull

His head's a little mushy But otherwise He keeps it together under a hat. There's nothing worse than older people talking about aliens when you hear it. I had this lady, the store I used to work at, she would come in and talk about everything that was going wrong with her. Like, everything. That's one of the joys of becoming an old person. How long do you think you could live without a skull?

Well, okay. Are we talking about current day or with future technologies? Current day. Well, let's see. You'd have to warn them of it. They'd give you a blowout. I don't have a skull. I'd get a

balaclava that was one size too small just so it would hold everything kind of in place. Or that I would tape my eyeballs so they didn't just keep falling out. clava that was one size too small just so it would hold everything kind of in place or then i would tape my eyeballs so they didn't just keep falling out of my mushy face yeah would you have teeth are your teeth bones yeah everything's bones it's all bones up in there your teeth are bones yeah they're the only exposed bones in your body they They're really, this is a bone? Oh, I'd love to see the cast of bones exposed for what they really are. Great entertainers. Here's your final over.

Hi, it's Jessica from Vancouver calling with Thin Overheard. I was in Value Village the other day and I was waiting in line to pay and there was two older ladies behind me one was just waiting in line and the other was sort of looking around at all the stuff at the front there's all kinds of uh cds and little things you can buy right before you pay and the friend was going through the cds and picked one out and went back to her friend went look they have this soundtrack to uh the passion of the christ and the second lady just looks and goes oh cute cute oh yeah was people braxen on that yeah he did a duet with oh boy he's saying in Aramaic um yeah

wow I guess those days are coming to to an end of looking through a Passion of the Christ

well no looking through an old you know DVDs or CDs in it yeah

discount yeah I mean it's not a it's not a bad thing but that's a bygone era it's just coming to an end

yeah what are you gonna give away at comedy shows uh records people still love vinyl I mean, it's not a bad thing that that's a bygone era. It's just coming to an end. That's all. What are you going to give away at comedy shows? Records. People still love vinyl. Cassettes. They're back. Who knew that would happen?

The cassettes would make a comeback. Cassettes are so popular again. You can buy like at Urban Outfitters. They have like a card with a mixtape on it. Oh, really? Yeah. A card? A card. Like you give someone a card.

It's got like a mixtape on it. Oh. Oh. Do you remember taping songs off the radio? Yeah. A card? A card. Like, you give someone a card. It's got, like, a mixtape on it. Oh. Oh. Do you remember taping songs off the radio? Yeah. You got to watch this documentary I watched last night. This is literally what it's all about. Okay, okay.

Anyways, you guys. It was off air. We were talking about that. Oh. That's the rap one. Yeah, it was Stretch and Bobbito was the other guy. Stretch and Bobbito. Stretch and Bobbito.

I'm going to check it out. But what's his name? Busta Rhymes. He was one of the guys. So these episodes would air, and the Stretch guy, he was a DJ, he would come up with a beat. And then these guys would either come in with lyrics they had written already or rap off the top of their head. But it was a one-time, so if you recorded it on cassette then you could own it otherwise that was the only way you could own this stuff so buster rhymes was talking about having the tape

it breaking him like opening it up putting it back together with scotch tapes yeah and there's a yeah it's a really interesting because that's when i was a kid i used to tape songs off yeah mixed tapes but like that's kind of what we do every week we drop a beat and our guest raps for us exactly

just like now boom a-da a-boom-a-doom-ba a-boom-a-bap a-boom-a-doom-ba because I'm not good at this kind of stuff

a-boom-a-doom-bap a-boom-a-doom-bap a-boom-a-doom-bap I feel really white right now did you hear our beat? that's why I feel really white right now. Oh, did you hear our beat? That's why I feel so white right now. It's nothing to do with me. It's you guys.

Oh, no. Our beat. A-boom-a-doom-bap. A-doom-a-doom-bap. You guys are embarrassing. Well, I don't know about that. I don't know either. Is it because I got so loud?

Yes. We have street credentials. Yeah, we've got street credentials. It's like if my dad was like, I got a hip-hop song for you. A-boom. A-boom. A-dingy-dingy-dop.

I think we're very good. Yep, I agree. Oh, God. Now, that brings us to the end of this here episode. Do you have anything coming up? This is coming out the last week of January. Is that right? Yeah. Okay. Do you have anything coming up beginning of February? Anywhere in February. March, April. I'm at Heckler's

February 10th and 11th. That's in Victoria, British Columbia. Perfect. And then in April, I'm in, that's so far away, but that's my next date's in Saskatchewan at the Comic Strip in Edmonton, too. Yeah, why not? In April. In April. April 20-something to the 23rd. April 19th to the 23rd.

There it is. Edmonton, Comic Strip. Boom. I remembered something. All right. Where can, you can get your podcast on iTunes. And Stitcher, if you're not an Apple fan. Sure.

Kathleen McGee is a hot mess. And you can follow me on Twitter and Instagram Kathleen underscore McGee. Yep. So nice. Yeah, so nice. Thank you so much

for coming back on the show. Thank you. I always love being here. You guys are little angels. We are a couple little a-boom, a-boom, a-bap. A-boom, a-boom, a-bap.

A-boom, a-bap. A-boom, a-bap. A-boom, a-bap. A-boom, a-bap. A-boom, a-bap. A-boom, a-bap. A-boom, a-bap. A-boom, a-bap.

A-boom, a-bap. A-boom, a-bap. A-boom, a-bap. A-boom, a-bap. A-boom, a-bap. A-boom, a-bap. A-boom, a-bap. A-boom, a-bap.

Hey, Graham. Hey, Dave. Nice to meet you. I don't like to shave. Did I write that earlier or was that off the top of my head? That was some improv, I feel. We, as we said off the top of the show, we have a show live podcast recording at the Just for Laughs Northwest Comedy.

At the Biltmore on February 23rd. Guys, how is this not sold out already? You guys. With John Doerr. You're embarrassing yourself. Yeah, with John Doerr. John Doerr's hilarious live. I did a live podcast with him at the Winnipeg Comedy Fest.

And was it bonkers? It was fun. Of course. He's wacky. He's the very the very very best he goes all over uh and then we will be speaking of going all over we're gonna be in alberta in banff on uh march 4th nice and march the 4th be with you we'll make a lot of those jokes it's a star trek thing uh you know kirk cameron um that was awful oh no if uh you like the show you should head over to maximumfun.org check out the blog recap pictures and videos relating to the content of this episode uh you know nothing kathleen talked about because it's all X-rated. You can put that I Heart Squirters hat on.

I won't. He definitely will not. And I talked about salt. I'll have a picture of salt. Yeah, a picture of salt, a picture of corn. You know what goes well with corn? A little salt. A little salt, yeah.

And yeah, if you like the show, please do tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself which one is which? Daphne's redhead Velma's nerd. Oh, I'm not much of a nerd, but I'm not...

Well, you're into Star Wars. Yeah, very, very. Who's your favorite stormtrooper? Kirk Cameron. Kirk Cameron.