Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 465 - Tom Thakkar

Episode Date: February 13, 2017

Comedian Tom Thakkar joins us to talk name changing, baby holding, and dime having.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 465 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who swears he's not hungover. He's just wearing pink because he likes the way it looks, Mr. Dave Shumka. Because pink, if you wear a pink shirt, it reflects pinkness back into your face regardless of skin tone.

So if you're hungover, you'll look healthier if you wear a pink shirt. I'm not hungover. I'm just a fancy guy. Yeah, yeah. I own a lot of pink clothes. There weren't a lot of, like, pink clothes on men really became popular after I was in high school. Like, if a guy wore a pink shirt in high school, it would be very controversial. But then Kanye.

Then Kanye really blew the lid off the... West, that is. Oh, yeah. Thank you. And our guest today, first time guest on the podcast, a very funny comedian. Thank you. And for the first time, using a brand new name, it's Tom Takar. Tom Takar.

Thanks, guys. Thanks for having me, guys. Hey, welcome. Thanks for joining us. Welcome to Canada. Thank you. Yeah, I just changed the name. That's awesome.

Just changed it. This is the first time I've been, well, on podcast form, announced as Tom Takar. This is the best. I hate it. I don't like the way it sounds at all. Should we get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us.

So, Tom. Yeah. This guy, you were previously Tom Brady. Exactly. Yeah. And was that a name you grew up with? Who was that? That, he wrote The Animal.

There's another Tom Brady who wrote the early- The Rob Schneider movie? Yeah, yeah. He produced a lot of Rob Schneider plays. Oh, he must be. What's he going to change his name to? Yeah. So you're like, I'm not Tom Brady or Tom Brady.

Or Tom Brady. No, I wanted to be the other Tom Brady. I love Rob Schneider's work. Oh, absolutely. I was thinking about this the other day. It's funny that Rob Schneider probably work. Oh, yeah. I was thinking about this the other day. It's funny that, like, Rob Schneider probably lost a ton of work as soon as, like,

they decided they wanted to make films, like, have more diversity. Like, because he played, he covered so many racial bases. That's true. Like, once they were like,

oh, yeah, we could just do, we could cast an actual person from Mexico in that role. What did he play? He played a hot chick. Yeah. He played an animal. Like, oh, yeah, we could just cast an actual person from Mexico in that role. What did he play? He played a hot chick. Yeah, he played an animal.

Hot chicks can act, it turns out. But he would play in, like, Adam Sandler movies. He would be Mexican. He would be, like, Middle Eastern a lot, like in Big Daddy. He played, like, Big Papa. Delivery Man. Yep, yep. And then I feel like maybe hawaiian or something yeah he played like a and like like a very specific like even like a hawaiian islander yeah kind of tribes person it was like it was like

boy you guys went out of your way to make this character the most not yeah white and then cast a white guy. I think he might be part Hawaiian. I'd give him that. Isn't he part... Filipino, maybe? Something, yeah, because he did a special that was called like... Latkes and

rice cakes. Maybe Lebanese or something? I'm going to look him up on Wikipedia because you ever go on Wikipedia and at the bottom it just like tells you what lists they're part of and it's always like living people like well duh and then like you know famous lgbt well he recently has become he's kind of joined the ranks of the anti-vaxxer. Oh, he's one of those guys who I would have just assumed. You know, he was an anti-vaxxer.

I knew that there would be something I would disagree with in there, you know? You just look at him like, you love Uber now or whatever. Yeah, he didn't like Uber before, now he loves Uber. He was a Lyft guy all these years.'s been in all my uber pools this week oh i i as a different ethnicity i entered an uber pool with some of my friends just you know like like fantasy Like fantasy Uber. No, absolutely. Yeah, the app doesn't work the same way as the website. Oh, wow. Yeah, so what, aside from the name was shared with a famous O. Right.

Was that the reason that you changed it? That was the reason. How problematic was it? Yeah, so problematic. It was so problematic. It was like every day I was getting tweets. I still get them where it's like, Oh, you're in the Superbowl today. Oh, even though you're, you're a different, even as Tom Dakar, it turns out Tom Dakar

plays the other team. What, um, uh, but like, yeah, I, I, was it ever like, is it just a bunch of little things all the time? It's a ton of little things. It was never got to be like, you got. Now, worse than ever, I tell this story on stage, but I was, sometimes I'm getting booed as I go on stage because people have seen my act before. And I'm like, this is about the name. Why did we show up at this show? His name was on the post.

I did a show in like Buffalo and it's just like an irritation. And then I was working with a comic who just really pressured me about it like three weeks ago. And he was like, you got to change your name to Alan Brady, man. Alan Brady. And I was like, I hate your name to alan brady man alan brady and i was like i hate alan why alan my middle name's alan and he was like alan brady that's the name baby alan brady i mean it's okay but it makes me think of the brady bunch more than yeah and apparently it was a character on the dick van dyke show which you know i don't care about that yeah my mom brought that i was like shut up no one cares what you think so what what names were you considering I was considering uh Gronk obviously Gronk yeah uh Wes uh Welker um I don't know if he plays there

anymore uh Bill Belichick uh Bill Belichick please there you go belichick drop there we go that would be a terrible that would be such a good comic name like yeah this guy loves the check drop yeah he only will go he won't go on stage unless you're dropping checks oh i have so i have two middle names, Alan and Wesley. So I was doing every, like, every combination. Every combination. Yeah, every combo of Tom West, Tom Wesley, Wes Brady, all these. And then I. Tom West is not bad.

I thought a lot about Tom West and people hated it. I don't know. I don't know. I ran. They were jealous. They were like, oh, he's going to have such a cool name. That's it. I think that's what it is.

Because Tom West is like, I don't know. It's not bad, right? It's not bad. You know what? I'm changing it back. Tom West. Do it. You know what else would be good?

Tommy West. Ooh. Tommy West. Yeah, very showbiz. He's got a ring to it. Yeah. Gay pornography. Tommy Hollywood.

Because you do have one of those names. Well, you do as well, where you can go the whole time. You can be Dave or David or Tom or Tommy. Were you ever Tommy? I wanted to be Tommy so bad, and I tried it once, and people were like, you're not Tommy. Oh, really? They were like, you can't carry off Tommy. When I was a kid.

Oh, okay. When I was little, because I was so obsessed with the Rugrats, and Tommy Pickles was like my hero, and I was so jealous that I couldn't be Tommy. But there was already a kid in my class named Tommy. And they were like, you can't both be Tommy. No, that's, yeah, fair enough. Funny, I went to school with like six Davids. Yeah.

And it wasn't until high school, though, that we all became Dave. Yeah. Oh, you were Davids as young men and then graduated into Dave. Yeah. Huh. That feels like it would go the other way. Yeah, like that as you get older, you'd be like, no, I'm David. I know, but you never meet like a six-year-old Dave.

That's true. Yeah, Dave feels like a guy you work with, not somebody you like meet at preschool. Yeah. Like, give me your toys, Dave. Why are you drinking coffee, Dave? You're six. And it's still like my parents will call me, or my mother will call me David. Yeah.

Well, that's how you know that you're being called by a parent. When they use the full. Now, David. My mom has sort of turned into a bit of a, like, I think she's doing a character. All moms know to just become moms like that, where they say your full name. Mine calls me Thomas. Thomas. Yeah.

So, Takar? Where does that come from? That's my father's last name. Okay. So, this belongs to you somehow. Exactly. I was picking all kinds of random names. I was like Tom Bird and stuff like that.

Tom Bird. I was like, what do I like that tom bird what do i like i was like tom iverson like i just picked random tom doorknob tommy tal i like it uh yeah and i just wanted something with some connection like i asked my mom what else she thought of naming me and and I thought that would be good. Right. She said Jiminy. I swear to God. She said Jiminy. She said you came out and you looked like Jiminy Cricket.

Yeah, we put a little top hat and gave you an umbrella. This is bullying. Yeah, you have to live your whole life as Jiminy to be Jiminy. You have to earn it. You can't just become Jiminy. Jiminy. Wow. There's only can't just become Jiminy Jiminy Wow There's only two And one of them is Glick

Cricket and Glick Like I wonder If that is like Based like If that name existed Before Jiminy Cricket I looked it up Actually I don't know

If it existed before So I don't know Why I have information That has nothing to do with that. I looked it up. There are 12 Jiminy's in the U S right now. That's how many names.

But they all have to be named after Jiminy. Correct. Yeah. There's, I feel like there's no way, but like maybe there, that was a common name and he became so famous. Jiminy cricket.

Yeah. Like he's that you can't have that name anymore. Right, yeah, like Adolph. Or like Tom Brady. I call him Adolph. Yeah, yeah, like Tom Brady, exactly. Although there's a ton of Tom Bradys. That's what's really annoying about it is even if you get past the quarterback, I'm

still not even, I'd still have to change my name. It does sound like a very common name, Tom Brady. It doesn't sound, it's not. Such a quarterback name. It is. It's like a real all-American. It does. It does feel, maybe it's because we know it like that now,

but it does just feel like a quarterback name. I don't know. That's like James Bond. You know why the guy wrote James Bond, picked James Bond? Why? Because it was the name of a guy who wrote a book he had a book on his shelf that was about like spotting birds and he was like james bond that's the most boring name i've ever heard yeah that's like quarterback names i feel like he's a very boring name uh yeah it's just um it's so and it's like it sounds so lame but it does sound like such a

white name too yeah you know what i mean it definitely sounds like a very so then when i would tell people i was happening they're like no you're not you're a liar look at your name surely what what does your so your mother's last name is Brady. Yeah. Her last name is actually my stepdad's name. But Brady comes from her ex-husband, it turns out. I found out all this stuff about my name. What's her maiden name? Pittman. Tom Pittman.

Tom Pittman. That's my uncle's name. That's really the only reason I didn't want it. You didn't want to also be Tom Pittman? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't want us to both be Tom Pittman. It felt weird. I think it's cool

like to have, because now you would be, I'm sure, the only Tom Takar. Oh, no, please tell me. Somebody's got Tom Takar on Twitter already.

Well, if it's an Indian name, there's a lot of Indians. Yeah, that's true. There's so many Indians, man. There's so many Indians. Because Chinese people, then Indians, then other. Then other.

I know I had a conversation with a cab driver, and he was saying, he was like, in the next 10 years, it's going to switch. India's going to be number one population-wise. I was like, I don't care. Yeah, yeah. It's weird when people do care, you know? like who cares about the what like i think as long as they stay over there that's all just keep in that corner as long as they call it india town and i don't have to go there i don't care yeah i'm like an anti-immigration guy, but just within city neighborhoods. Come to the city. Just stay on the west side.

Yeah, yeah. Just, yeah. Not in my backyard. So you can't get the Twitter handle. Can you get TomTakara.com? Oh, I haven't checked yet. I should check. I feel like websites are dead, man.

They are kind of dead, but I feel like. There's a guy in Canada that's kind of of like he's on that TV show Shark Tank. Yeah. Oh, so he yeah, he's making a bid now to be the leader of like a political party. And so like right away, I was like, oh, Kevin Leary dot com. I want to buy it. Yeah. And he had it.

And so, you know what I mean? Like, it's kind of like they're over, but you also have to. You still have to brand it right. Yeah. You still have to kind of had it. And so, you know what I mean? Like, it's kind of like they're over, but you also have to. You still have to brand it right. Yeah, you still have to kind of have it. It's not even like a, it's just, it would suck for you if you didn't have it. If you were like some prestigious guy. I ran into this with my, my first name was hamsterdance.com. I could not get it.

You mean like the famous quarterback? I could not get it. You mean like the famous quarterback? Well, I mean, I have a pretty unique last name, but when I was, I have two daughters and when I was naming them, Peyton and Eli, it was something I had to consider. Like, are there other people? Like, will they ever run into other people with these names? Yeah. Yeah. like are there other people like will they ever run into other people with these names yeah yeah it's uh uh the weird the weird thing is like with my name it's common but it's not that like the two names are fairly common but together they're not super common so myself and all the

other graham clark kind of know each other online like we've all kind of sent messages back and forth like all right like we're not super exclusive but we're kind of a little when i used to make this podcast i would edit it in garage band and it would output it and automatically it just every file garageand made, because it knows, my computer knows my name is Dave. Uh-huh. Every file was on the album, Dave's album. But that would also, at a certain point, iTunes became like smart. Uh-huh.

And it would like cross-reference it with the iTunes store. Uh-huh. And so there is an album online on iTunes called Dave's album. And. Oh boy. I just know one song from it. It's a kid's album. Is he good?

New York is busy, busy. New York is busy, busy. We all listened to that back in New York. Oh yeah. Yeah. Nice cranking. Oh yeah. At the beginning of every work day, they just crank it out of speakers.

Yeah. Like in the Lego movie. We all listen to it and go to work. It's a Frank Sinatra song. Well, you heard the song. Let's get going, New York. So how long you live in New York? I do.

I live in Brooklyn, but yeah, New York. Here we go. What's the difference? How long have you been there for? I have been there for a year and a half. And do you love it? I love it or leave it. I love it.

I pick love it. Okay. All right. It's like, you know, it's a bad city, but it's like, it's a bad place to live, but I like it. It's a good city, but a bad place to live. It's a good city a bad place to live but i like it it's a good city but a bad place to live it's a good city bad place to live there's just a you can do everything there but it's just hard you know every day it just kind of beats you down it does seem hard yeah it seems like a hard sit like

just it's always loud like there's no reprieve there's just constant lights like all around like you're trying to sleep and there's just a light bright shining in your room yeah they're collecting garbage at two in the morning and you're like well i guess some people say get a curtain i say you get a good curtain over your life um it's like sometimes you'll visit a smaller town and you'll ask people like oh what do we do here? And they'll give you 10 things to do. But if you go to New York, they're like, anything.

Yeah. Just anything. Anything you want. And then you do nothing because you get overwhelmed. That is, that's true. You just end up just, you know, going to the M&M store. Every day you stop in that M&M store. New York is eating M&Ms.

That's the second track. Check out what new flavor, no new flavors. Okay. It's my favorite thing we did when we were in New York was we went to the M&M's store because everyone was so happy in there.

It was nice. I just stop in there sometimes. And people were like, the employees were dancing. But my favorite part, and it's like four floors tall. And my favorite part was going next door to the Hershey's Reese's store, and it was one floor, and one of the employees was crying.

This all could have been ours. Yeah, because Brooklyn is its own. Yeah yeah it's like a separate it's not a city though right it is i think it's technically another if you watch if you write if you watch the opening of welcome back cotter it says welcome to there's a sign that says welcome to brooklyn and like america's third largest city yeah oh but there, but there's not a mayor of Brooklyn, is there? Oh, that's a great question. I don't know. I thought the mayor of New York.

Yeah, you might be right about that. Yeah, I think maybe Brooklyn's just a borough? I don't know. Oh, yeah. It's a borough. Which is like a Spanish donkey. Yeah. Yeah, but it's like, for me to get into the city from where i live takes like 40 35 40

minutes so is most of your life in brooklyn yeah well it's like it's it's like 60 40 brooklyn to new york but uh like everything you want to do is in new york except for there's some fun shows and stuff in brooklyn but and then there's but you want to go to that 9-11 memorial oh i gotta i you gotta pay tribute, you know? Yeah, yeah. Every day I start to forget. And then I take a train of that. You gotta go remember. Like all the clubs and stuff

would be in. All the clubs are in Manhattan. Right. Yeah, so any comedy club you want to go to is there. But there's like a cool bar scene in Brooklyn. There's a lot of good restaurants, bodega. A new bodega opens every day. Oh, sure. There's a lot of good restaurants. A new bodega opens every day. Oh, sure. Yeah, every time a bell rings.

Go to those ribbon cuttings. Have you ever been to a real-life ribbon cutting? Yes. No. Where? I have. Yeah, you there. They opened a PetSmart in my hometown.

They have PetSmart here? It's just a pet store. Well, my mom got us all dressed up because... As pets? Yeah. Now we're going to go get as many sausages as there can be. They had a celebrity appearance for the PetSmart opening and it was the dog from As Good As It Gets.

Oh, that's pretty great. So we got dressed up to go see the dog what on your nice clothes what was he like this is oh he was he was a showbiz snob hollywood turned his nose up he was doing like paw prints on his autobiography. And then he's like, no more. No pictures. Because we, the only thing I can remember is the Best Buy here that opened on 7th and Canby. Yeah. And I think this was literally at the time when everyone was making fun of the Black Eyed Peas for appearing in everything. Oh yeah.

And they opened up that the best buy oh wow they opened the best yeah they worked a half shift they all wore blue polos yeah hey will i am what television should i buy this holographic one he was making a hologram um the uh apple d app was selling apple computers oh man i was trying to pull his name yeah and what would taboo be doing something that's not allowed have you watched the new uh tom hardy show taboo no oh he's a real mumbler yeah have you guys seen those like old, I know it's like kind of old news now, but the old pictures of Tom Hardy where he was like a, he was like a MySpace model or whatever. Oh, really?

He was like a big idiot. He was like a big idiot. He just has all these pictures of himself in his underwear. It's not, he wasn't a model. He was just a guy. Oh yeah. Maybe. It was like a story maybe a few years ago when Mad Max was coming out.

Oh, okay. And they're like, this guy. This guy's our new Mad Max? Pretty boy, Hardy? Yeah, we have a good reputation with Mel Gibson. Our sterling reputation. Tom Hardy, I'm not. First of all, I'm not I'm I First of all I'm not

Sure if he's a good actor I don't I Like he's been good In some things But always Kind of as the same Like

Yeah Bad Like bad guy Yeah yeah yeah But I don't know if he's Like good Mmhmm Like cause

I've never seen him like Put to any kind of You know who I'm surprised Was actually not a bad actor? I watched that Seinfeld with Keith Hernandez yesterday. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He had pretty good comic timing.

He's like, yeah, he's really funny. And he delivers his lines totally as Keith Hernandez. There's one part where Kramer enters the room and he, like, does a take backwards. I'm like, okay. He's a Hernandez, Keith. But other than that pretty good yeah

like considering you know Wayne Gretzky on Saturday Night Live like I was always surprised by how good Charles Barkley was like how funny

he was and he could do same with Shaquille O'Neal yeah even though his movies wouldn't

well yeah Kazam. No, you're thinking of Shazam. Of course, I forgot. It's been bad. My reality's all altered. I'm sorry. And then Steel, which was my favorite Shaq movie.

Yeah, what was that one? He's like a Robocop? He's like... I'd love if they broke it down that simply. They're like, Shaq, you're a Robocop he's like uh he's he's a i'd love if they broke it down that simply they're like jack you're a robocop like in the movie yeah um jack we need you to watch the movie robocop and then just do that hey is that a terminator what was what was he in steel was he a humanoid yeah like this the character steel was uh created you know, as Superman died and then he came back to life and like they they milked that for all it was worth. And there was like four different Superman that came back.

And one of them was this big black guy called John Henry, who put together a steel outfit. He's a steel driving man. He was a steel driving man. Exactly. And so then they may like he had, the Superman emblem on his chest. And then they made this movie, even though he was no one, no one really knew that character. Like, it wasn't like, oh, well, you know, what characters need to have a movie made? You know, this was before Iron Man or, like, Spider-Man or anything.

They were like, steel. like uh spider-man or anything they were like steel i guess maybe shack was like looking through comic books and was like what's the one character it was weird because shack like you couldn't have gotten bigger at the time literally and and celebrity wise yeah yeah try to get bigger you like seven three i try every day i use special boots. But he never got, like, the good endorsements. Yeah. Like, they sell the Shaq shoes at Payless. They're awful. Yeah, they're like, yeah, I wanted to say Village Pantry.

That's not where they sell the shoes. Yeah, yeah, they're from Boston Market. Cracker Barrel. Shoe Carnival. That's what I think of. Yeah, yeahrel. Chew Carnival. That's a thing. Carney's pushing these shoes. And like he still

does like rub A535 or something. Yeah. Icy Hot. Yeah. He does Icy Hot. He is like didn't he do a cat

cat food commercial maybe? I think he's the Nutrivago guy. But yeah, he, but he's funny and he can like,

he can serviceably. So why not get him to do like Buick? Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. Does Buick advertise? Oh,

Buick, Buick has these great ads. Don't they have, isn't it Matthew McConaughey in Buick? No, he's Lincoln. Lincoln.

He's the Lincoln lawyer. Short, short, short. He's not the buick bureaucrat pretty good yeah it's nice no all of buick's ads are oh the guy said he's show up in a buick oh well i don't see any buick here so we can be we can be nasty And then the guy gets out, and it's a cool guy in a cool Buick. I saw a great YouTube video where a guy has edited himself into those commercials

where it's real people, not actors, looking at a car. And they're like, you know, we've taken the logos off this car. What kind of car is this? And they're all like, I don't know. It might be like a BMW. Yeah, and then it just cuts to him going a BMW. We were fucking kidding. And then one,

what does a woman say? Like, it's like a mix of this and that. And it cuts to me. That's not anything. No one's ever done that. I don't, that's a style of commercial.

I don't understand why I'm supposed to care that these are supposedly real people, you know, trying ice cream. Yeah. Yeah. Like, why do I care that it's real people? Yeah. Who cares? Yeah. Also, I've been in, I got tricked into doing one of those.

Yeah. It was at a, it's a Maggiano's in Chicago. They said I was supposed to be getting a five-star Italian experience. At the end of the meal, they're like, it was Maggiano's, idiot. I was like, I don't even know what that is. I've never heard of that.

You're supposed to already hate it? Yeah. Yeah, it was a prank show. Even they hate the food. Aren't you surprised that this garbage food was good? I've never heard of it. I don't know. It was fine.

But they got us all boozed up on free wine. So you're like, yeah, it's great. Who cares? Yeah, like everybody screaming at the camera. Magic! Also, I just ate at Subway before here. I don't give a shit. I don't have great taste.

Who am I? There's this ad. A noted food critic. This guy. Hey, if you don't give a shit what you eat, you might like Maggiano's. There are these ads for movie

theaters here. Or for getting the points card. The points card for movie theaters where people show like getting the like oh the points yeah the points card for movie theaters where people show up at the movie theater and they're real people and uh the the person behind the counter gives them like charges them money and then a director comes in and says actually let's try that again and gives them a free movie and the people have to react like this is the craziest thing meanwhile they've just yeah they just like handed over their image to be in a commercial for you know for whatever it's probably cheap cheap night yeah exactly uh but yeah i don't i like uh one company must have been the first company to be like,

well, we'll put real people in and then I don't, but I, well, it's like stuff like where that's, uh, like objectively, like this person lost this much weight, this real person lost weight or this real person's teeth whitened. Right. Those make sense. But I think they just lost the plot and they're like well if we use real people here why can't we do it and like yeah you know and people are stupid so they do it works i watched my grandma like buy it you know and she's an idiot so she she saw people with like these fake teeth that you snap on

like why would those be good oh man that that is the craziest thing in the commercial yeah it's so bad have you ever seen that uh pug that they put dracula teeth on it looks it's not too far from yeah those are better in the commercial when they put them in you're like oh that's you you might as well have cut a smile out of People magazine and just tuck it into your mouth. Perfect for job interviews. You just have tape. You have loose teeth that are taped in. But it's bad when they are like, we should at least make one for the commercial.

Yeah. Or get somebody in that has a twin sister with bad teeth and we can swap them out. And they couldn't even do that. Yeah, it's crazy. They couldn't even get anybody to look good with it. In the commercial, it looks bad. I have no idea what you guys are talking about. It's literally like, yeah, it's just

kind of like... Can you eat with them? No, no. Can you kiss with them? Oh, you can kiss. Can you talk with them? I think so. You you kiss with them? Oh, you can kiss. Can you talk with them? I think so. You're supposed to be able to. Yeah. It's like a mouth guard. What they should do, they should get

like, I don't know. I'm trying to think of a really fast rapper. Oh, Twista. Yeah, Twista. He's the fastest. Who's the fast rapper from my youth? Busta Rhymes? Shabba Ranks. And get him to wear them and see how fast he can rap with them.

Oh, I think you are overestimating how much budget this snap-on-tooth company. You can get Shabba Ranks. The sweatiest rapper. I think Shaq is in it. It's weird. is in it. It's weird. So, yeah,

the, so how was, was the dog nice at the opening? Yeah. The dog bit me. It was like an honor. It's such a, like,

a, my, I guess maybe it's a major part of that movie, but it's, it's a major part Of that movie But it's It's like Totally forgotten Yeah

Yeah No That dog made a big impact On my family Yeah I would Now looking back I kind of wish I had

Tried to get that dog To bite me That would have paid For like my college Famous dog Dog bites man Well that's not really news We're suing Greg Kinnear He's the owner right Famous dog. Dog bites man. Well, that's not really news.

We're suing Greg Kinnear. He's the owner, right? Was he the owner in that movie? Who else was in that movie? Jack Nicholson. Helen Hunt. Cuba Gooding. Cuba Gooding, yeah.

And Skeet Ulrich. Oh, sure. He was the bad. He was the guy who beats Greg Kinnear up. Had you considered Skeet Brady? I hadn't thought about Skeet Brady. That's why I made that face. I hadn't considered Skeet Brady or Tom Skeet. Ooh, Tom Skeet.

Or Jiminy Skeet. Oh, man. Can you imagine being at a club? This next comic is... Did you consider changing your first name? Oh, I thought that's what I was... I was thinking about that first. And then I was just like,

it just feels so weird to go by a different name, you know? Skeet, though. I know, you didn't... You forgot about Skeet? Nowadays, everybody want to talk like I got something to say. Got about to ski. So now that you've got this new name, maybe we'll buy the website. Maybe not.

Maybe I already bought it. I'm playing coy with this website. Maybe I'll buy it. What about Instagram? Instagram, I changed it. I think it's TomTacar now. Twitter's TomATacar, and that's really what I care the most about. Yeah.

But there's a guy, his profile picture's just a motorcycle. He's never tweeted. He doesn't follow anybody. Wow. I should be able to report that. Yeah, like that's Graham Clark on Instagram's never posted. Yeah, isn't that infuriating? It is.

You're just wasting it. Yeah. on instagram is never posted yeah isn't that infuriating it is wasting it yeah but like the guy who has uh at donald trump on twitter if you go to at donald trump it just redirects you to real donald trump so they must pay or have paid that account to redirect it is so funny that he doesn't have his real handle well it's weird that there's no executive power that the president has. Like, okay, now that I'm the president, you have to give me that Twitter handle.

If it was like, official Queen of England. Yeah. I really respect celebrities that are like, you know what, I'm just going to be bad girl Riri. Yeah, that's true. I'm going to be champagne poppy. But like, there is a point where you're so famous, it doesn't matter. People will find you despite your Twitter or Instagram handle.

You should just change it to like, make American grade 21 or something random. Yeah. Mega boy. Mega boy, 19 whatever year he was born. Yeah. But yeah, he, that, I think that's the most shocking thing is I thought, okay, once he's the president. Yeah.

Then all the, that, the tweeting days would be done any tweets would come from the official president twitter yeah yeah like wow and i'm not even close for it i i was talking to a friend today and he was like why do people like people we know that are like oppose him still follow him on twitter like you can read his tweets without following him wouldn't it be great if he just lost five million followers overnight i think some people try to do that like what you know after the inauguration or something but i want i want it as soon as it happens i don't want to have to check several times i wanted while you're away donald trump said this yeah yeah you know can't wait to watch la la land i wish he did just tweet jokes or like stuff that's not like if he was just like maybe he is yeah yeah those are just jokes to him

what if i was the president it's like uh do you follow uh larry king on twitter no he's the best he'll just go on like a randomly, like Thursday night, he'll just tweet 20 times and it'll be just these crazy like one will be like you know, I've never tried turkey sausage, but I'm not against it.

Does he use a hashtag? My two cents. And it's just like oh man, it's the best. And he doesn't have at Larry King. It's King's thing. Oh yeah. I like check in on him. There's a few that I just don't want to follow because they're just too much.

I don't follow Trump. I just like check in on him. Sometimes like a famous Twitter person with like hundreds of thousands of followers. Well, I'll get a notification that they followed me and I'll be like, I'll follow them back. And they tweet five times an hour and I'm like, okay, well, I'm just following you, but you are now muted. Nice knowing you. Yeah, man. I love that mute.

Yeah. It's a sweet function. Yeah. Yeah. The, uh, who did, i think the only celebrity i ever muted i think was kanye because it was like yeah he was like oh you're blowing up my phone here yeah he does the same thing where he he's so much like trump it's weird i was like a huge fan of his too yeah just bumming me out i think he's sick i think yeah i think yeah i think that no i mean

like in a cool way yeah yeah you know that's what I think, yeah, I think that. No, I mean, like, in a cool way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's what I meant, too. Whatever you meant, that's what I meant. Trump is sick. But those skateboard tricks, those are ill. Those are, like, I think they need medical attention. Yeah, and he'll, Kanye will, I don't get how someone will just, like, delete all their tweets. Or their Instagram account.

They'll just be like, yeah, I'm going to delete the last five years and start again. If I did that, it would feel like I've done nothing. Exactly. I was like, this is my body of work that no one cares about. I pinned my favorite one. I wish I could pin more of them. I want to pin all of them. I want them all to feel special.

I can't remember who it was. Is it like Albert Brooks or somebody like that said, like, Twitter has the ability to make you feel like you've done something. But actually, it's, you know, like, it checks all the boxes in your head to make you feel like that's what i did i did something like i wrote a thing and i pressed send and it went out there and i checked on it and but he's like but it's not actually yep yeah you know what i mean like man that makes me so sad it's so true but i think we're accomplishing things i mean we're still all these years later watching shit my dad says the sitcom that's true that's the point yeah that's what it's weird that that's the only uh show that like was born out of a twitter account you would have thought like one network would have done it and then every other network would have been like uh yeah well

you know grumpy cat or whatever i oh, Grumpy Cat got a movie. I was going to be like, what about the Geico caveman? No, that wasn't a Twitter account. At Geico caveman. Although it is strange that that's the only Geico campaign that got a show. Yeah, why didn't Geico get a show? He was way more entertaining. I met him once at a PetSmart. He wasn't opening it. He was just there. No, he was there because it burned down. He was assessing it entertaining. I met him once at a PetSmart. He wasn't opening it.

He was just there. No, he was there because it burned down. He was assessing it for insurance purposes. He was eating gecko chow. Yeah. I think there's another Twitter show, but maybe not. There definitely have been people who've gotten writing jobs. Right.

Oh, the fat Jew. But then that went away. What? Yeah. Oh, when's he getting a show? He had a company central deal and a book. Yeah. Yeah.

And. Oh, a lot of books. A lot of book people. Yeah. There's a lot of. But like, you would just assume just because that's the way it kind of goes. It's like somebody will latch onto an idea and then everybody will be like, yeah, we also have signed on some hot

Twitter accounts. I guess Rob Delaney. He got like... That's true. He got show. He got show. He got show. And he got to be on what do you call it? Jimmy Kimmel? And it's like... Oh, boy. But it's like famous, his stand-up set. Oh, really? Have you seen it? No.

It's weird. He's like a great... He's a really good guy. And he's very funny. He's funny on Twitter. Yes, he's amazing on Twitter. Rob Delaney. Rob Delaney. Pretty political these days.

Yeah, too political for me. I don't follow any snowflakes anymore. For me, it's all frog. Frog avatars. No more snowflakes for me, it's all frog. Frog avatars. No more stuff links for me. All frogs. It's funny how they all, like, love emojis in their names. I know.

If I see a flag, I'm like, oh, great. Here we go. Like, I hate the flag now. It's weird. But tell me about Rob Delaney's Kimmel. It's just, like, brutal to watch. If you look it up. What's wrong with it?

He's just not having a good time. I don't, well, because I don't think he was, I don't think he was a standup comedian. Really? He, I think he like got into it because he was having so much success. Like I opened for him on like an, like this weird one night show and he, he was selling places out. Cause of the Twitter account. Yeah.

And he was like, but you know, I think it's like, well then how do I make money at, at, at Twitter account? Exactly. Yeah.

He was figuring it out and he was super nice. And like he, it's not like he was doing poorly, but it was like, it's not a TV set. Right. Like he, it's hard to cut.

Like, yeah, he hasn't worked on it for years and kind of refine yeah it was like it was like watching somebody who just started doing stand-up do a late night spot yeah and it's weird it's very weird yeah it's it's like what because you know late night spots are not great because they are kind of in this manufacturing you're doing it at four in the afternoon yeah yeah but weird but that that one's notable as being like what is going on it might be uh the hardest to watch of all time yeah i mean besides that time remember when madonna tried to do stand-up i liked it yeah no you're right Now I take it back I mean my favorite stand up At Madonna stand up Oh what

My favorite stand ups are John Mayer Yeah Kelly Ann Conway Yeah Kelly Ann Conway is great Did you see her set I watched it

I just opened for her Oh yeah At the Giggle Farm Oh I'd love If she went back to stand up. Or like ventriloquism. I'm not a puppet. Guys, we're a lot of fun.

Oh my gosh. Who's that guy? Ken Bone is doing stand up now. Oh, yes. Oh, that's the best. My friend just did a show with him. And he tweeted at one of them that he was great. So now my friend just has this tweet where Ken Bones

said that he was a great stand-up comedian. So now... That's the one thing he's sure about. That's his whole act. His whole act. He comes out,

I'm not sure. He's like, he's like, Bacon, I have one, I have some thoughts about it, but other thoughts that are different.

It's the worst thing for comedy that you can be and then and then at the end of his set he takes off his red sweater hands it to a lady in the audience i want to open for him and then he tosses me that red sweater like uh with a coke? Yeah. Hey, kid. Oh, yeah. No, I mean, if Screech can do it, then the doors are wide open too, Eddie. Screech at least had gotten some laughs. Oh, yeah, sure. Screech, you're, what's his name? You're Steve-O's.

Right, right, right. People love that guy. Well, yeah. I mean, he's just stapled as screw. He puts on a show to a piece of wood. Every picture I see of him, he's like naked, like holding his crotch. And I'm like, I guess stand-up's different than I thought. Everybody's like, best show ever. I think people expect that now.

Yeah, you're right. I was wrong. Yeah. You should be shooting fireworks out of your butt. Honestly, I was making fun of it a second ago, but when you say it like that, I would pay to see that. Yeah. Oh, absolutely.

There's like... It is... Ladies and gentlemen, Ken Bone. But first... Should I put a firework in my butt or not? I'm undecided. I can't figure it out. Did Ken Bone ever say who he voted for?

No. You gotta go see the show. Yeah, yeah. That's the bit. That's the closer. Reveal. I voted independent. Gary Johnson for Ken Bone.

Oh, boy. Dave, what's going on with you, man? Oh, nothing. Nothing. Nothing's going on with me, oh not nothing oh nothing's going on with me ever oh come on um well uh yeah no we have this new baby and i'm just it's just sort of uh uh all the like first baby things are coming rushing back to me right because you forget round two you forget all the like oh uh my uh back will just hurt all the time for no reason like in a weird place just from like holding a baby and bouncing

for hours yeah yeah and also probably like oh yeah the teeth are gonna start coming in oh god yeah like you just you it's like uh in uh back to the future 2 where Doc's just sent Marty back to the future, and then Marty comes running back. You've got to send me back to the future. Doc, I can't break. That's essentially what parenting a second child is like. In fact, that's the only, you don't need a book. Just watch that scene.

Yeah. I mean, you need a sports almanac. But, oh man, if that was something you could do to parent, how would that work? Well, you would get the book. They would show you when they go through their real moody phase and then you can plan a vacation. Stuff like that. The one thing is with this child is we never, uh, we never put Margo down. Like we held her nonstop for months and months and months.

Right. Now we have to put this kid down because we've got too much going on. Yeah. Which is good because like, it's not great to have an eight month old who has to learn how to put themselves to sleep. Right. So we get to at least start early uh but uh uh yeah it's like i'm honestly i was so dreading when you're like dave what's going on you're like snowed again i know you're just like i've been out drinking for the last six days

obviously that's why i'm wearing my hangover shirt. Yeah, I mean, like, that's the weird thing about when I think about somebody that's had, like, five kids, is that you would be kind of in this perpetual state of, oh yeah. So that one's just, you know, starting to, uh, you know, draw on the walls,

but that one is, uh, just doesn't know how to use the bathroom. Like, cause you're just like, ah, yeah, no,

I definitely am trying to think of like, what, how is this going to time out over time? Yeah. Especially with the things that I know, like with the first one, how I know she's behaving now. And like things that I know, like with the first one, how I know she's behaving now. But I also know people who have two kids, and the second kid sort of learns to talk a lot faster because they have an older sibling who's talking nonstop.

Oh, yeah, of course. And also they like, do you have siblings? I have five siblings. Oh, really? But they're all like halves, so it doesn't matter. Did you grow up with some of them? I grew up, my older sister and brother are 13 and 16 years older. Oh, okay.

So bye. See ya. Bye, Felicia. Their names are Felicia. They're both named Felicia? They're Felicia and Daniel. I say, damn, Daniel. Bye, Felicia.

It's nice that they both get their own thing. My brother, Sherlock. No shit, Sherlock. And my other brother, Einstein. Where'd it go, Einstein? I've got three younger, though, that are around my age. One's three years younger than me. One's six, and then one's 12 years younger. So I grew up with a younger brother.

A yo-bro? A yo-bro. Brought to you by yo-bro. But kind of the whole time you were growing up, younger brother. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Always had a younger brother, competitive. Really? Oh, yeah, yeah so competitive like for everything just like all of it just like pokemon stuff and like basketball two majors two big the two big ones yeah politically yeah it's uh it's weird how like how many hours of any given day i'm sure that my brothers and

i just feel like competing over a thing that neither of us really wanted but one was using it and so the other one just right yeah my mom famously has a story that we literally fought over dirt once it was a dirt was dirt somebody was playing with and then the other one was like, hey, what's up with that dirt? Yeah. Hey, what's going on over there with that dirt? And it's my two kids are still

too small. I don't remember being those ages. How old is your older? Margo is two and almost two and a half, two and four months maybe. Yeah. And yeah, it's not like, like I don't remember being two, two years old. That's the weird thing is like, you don't win.

Like I can't even, maybe five is the first thing I remember. Yeah. And she's a girl. So like things happen differently. Like she, you know, I, she'll, I'll never know when she'll get into i mean ovulating and stuff when i was getting into ovulating it was a lot different women's stuff but like women's studies i guess there's like more broad things of like you know she'll get into music at a certain point or yeah but now she's just into yogurt but it's like a fixation that never ends.

Yeah. But that whole first, you know, whatever it is, three years or four years, really, it's just like anything you do with the kid is such a it's a waste. It's for you, really, because the kid's not going to remain. You're going to show them photos and they're going to be like, I don't know. I don't remember. It's just for the pics. Yeah. Yeah.

It's just like, if anything, if you're really talented at Photoshop, you could really. Yeah, we did all these things. That's so true. Yeah. We went on a canoe trip. Of course we did. No one really has to parent anymore. You just hang out at home.

Yeah, that's what I think a lot of the time. This is just for me. Like spending these two hours at a bouncy castle. That was for me. But it spending these two hours at a bouncy castle. That was for me. But it's like, I'm so selfish. You selfish prick. They just won't,

they won't retain any of it. It's like, it's like, all this work that you put in. I know, but she's building some real good calf muscles.

Oh, sure. Yeah, that's true. For her, uh, eventual, uh, hurdles or, you know yeah whatever she gets into oh if they ever do bouncy hurdles it'll be great what was it slam ball was that the the sport on spike tv

i don't know it was basketball okay trampoline with mini tramps, so everybody could do slam dunks. More extreme. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. Dunks from all over, flippy dunks. That's, yeah. Still seems hard to do that, even with a trampoline. Yeah. I feel like you'd think it'd be easy. I think they wore pads, too.

Yeah. Yeah, that's right. It was like football pads. They dressed as steel, basically. Yeah. I feel like I would do that. I would flip and I would get my leg caught in the hoop and it would just break. Just chop my head off on the rim. Was Shaq Fu ever a movie?

No, it was a comic book. Oh, that's right. And a video game. And a young adult novel. That's right, I was thinking of the video game. It might have been a comic book. I feel like I was thinking of the video game and that's where... Yeah, but I wouldn't rule out that there was some sort of other merchandise.

Yeah. A scholastic book. Shaq. Shaq Fu and you. Yeah. Shaq, uh, learn,

teaches you nutrition. And did he just do the two movies? He did blue chip. All blue chips. All right. All my favorite toys were from that movie. The Nick Nolte action figure. He would shoot slime out of his mouth.

He had like money hands. Nick Nolte was a college basketball coach. Yeah. And Shaq was one of his. I think he was one of the big recruits. Yeah. His name was Neon. That's right. Yeah, Neon.

Wow. Good ball. Thanks. Ow. Did you ever consider Neon? I thought about Neon for a while. Did you watch the Seinfeld episode where Elaine's dating a guy and she wants to change his name? Yes.

Oh, to OJ? To OJ? To Dion? Yeah. Uh-huh. That movie, that show had that like episode would always give me

like anxiety like as an adult when I'd watch it because I was like I gotta change this name especially because she's trying to get him to change it

to football player names yeah oh my god it's like it reversed my life yeah it's a show about nothing but like when you you legally nah not legal okay Yeah. It's a show about nothing.

But like when you, you've legally changed, like. Nah, not legal. Okay. I don't need these courts getting in on my page. Oh, yeah, that's true. Yeah. Plus, I might not be welcome back in the country. Oh, yeah, yeah. Stick with Brady.

The next four years, just stick with Brady and you'll be fine. What's going on with you Graham? Well I moved I moved house That's great Congratulations Yeah I moved into A house farther up the street

Just in time for this snow To make it impossible To get anywhere Graham can't win So now you In your last place You had how many roommates? There was six of us

All you know Like a little Brady bunch That's what I've got too Yeah Now what How Is it a house?

It's a It's a really big apartment It's not a house though Oh I see It's just a giant apartment Yeah Well not that big Really three of us

Should live there It's a three bedroom With six of us Yeah And like How long have you been there?'s a three bedroom with six of us yeah and like uh how long have you been there for a year it's been the whole time yeah a year and a half and uh is it are you uh going insane is it starting to drive you insane uh it's not so i actually like living with a lot of people i don't that's the thing i don't mind it uh-huh but i've been living with these this same group of people for like almost five years oh wow and now who you live with just by myself oh that's very exciting so it's been a

week uh not even yeah just like a couple days and uh a dog's week as i like to call it yeah oh man every morning a dog wakes up and it's like back to the grind i hate mondays but then by like dinner time they're like weekend yeah dogs live shorter lives because they're just so stressed out all the time because every day is monday then by around noon they're like all right yeah okay everybody get a drink tgi friday everybody let's watch jeopardy because that's where i went friday brother and the weekend is they just sleep through it yeah although no i'm gonna let's do the math on this so let's do the math 24 hours in a day divided by seven yeah so every day is uh like three and a half hours yeah to them so every three and a half hours is a full day so like

they wake up at 7 30 monday no so that's why if you leave a dog at home and then you come home they've been like you've been gone for days oh yeah and why they eat they'll just keep eating food until they're sick i don't know when the next day yeah yeah it gets all mixed up it's just like you know they it's like taking they take a long lunch every day. Yeah. And some days they're like, they're up at four in the morning

and you're like, what are you doing? And they're like, church. They do love God. Yeah. Well, they go to heaven. They do, all of them. That's why.

That's why. That's why. That's why. That's why. That's why. That's why. That's why. That's why.

So you're telling me this is such a Seinfeld joke yeah yeah exactly even just as he does the prose you're like oh here we go

here we go so many examples you're telling me dogs puberty Seinfeld yeah yeah so I this was the one thing i noticed when i was like packing up my stuff is uh first of all i have a tremendous amount of dimes there's so many

goddamn dimes like because i don't spend dimes i get them and then i just have them and then they either end up on my floor or in the change bowl. On my floor? Well, because I put them in my pockets. Because I swim in them. And then, you know, I take my pants off, change goes into the five corners of my room. How are you taking your pants off? Fast.

Not like a normal man, one leg at a time. No, no, I'm not like other people. I hop in both legs at a time. The expression isn't, I take my pants off at one point in time. Yeah, that's true. Nobody knows how people are taking their pants off. I take mine off like a triage. I get a pair of scissors out and just cut them off.

The pockets are emptying out. Now it makes sense. What about nickels? Not as much. Like every, it felt like every coin that I found was a dime. And then also, because I've had this change bowl on my dresser for however long, like long enough that pennies were an official currency. And they're not anymore. Yeah.

So now they're just garbage, but they're intermingled with real money and i'm like i like i'm never getting them out like they're just in with that money forever uh trash money yeah it is trash money money and so and i didn't know what to do with i'm not gonna like roll i can't roll it yeah no your penn. Your pennies? Yeah. Or any. Or the dimes. I've never done that. We had quarters in our shower. I still don't know how that happened.

We just have money in our shower. Oh, yeah. I know how that happens. Let me clear that up for you. Because this would happen to me quite often. Because of the way I take off my pants so fast. They stick to your skin? Yeah, sometimes there would be a coin in the bed,

and then you sleep on it all night. Then you go in the shower, and then it loosens it up, and it just falls off in the shower. So that would happen to me. That makes sense. Well, I sleep in one of those fountains that has... Oh, sure. That's your key way of waking up, somebody making a wish. It's time to get up anyways.

Because quarters are good. Quarters are pretty good. Quarters are good. I like quarters. Even dimes. Dimes are the lowest thing you can use in a parking meter. Yeah, I hold on to a dime. Believe me, I'm holding on to them.

But, uh, I don't have, you know, I'm not in a place where I'm using coin laundry. And really, quarter is as small as you can go with coin laundry now. Yeah, yeah, we can't use that. Public phone booth? I mean, I guess you can use dimes than that. But why? Yeah, exactly. Who am I going to call?

Well, if I do a kidnapping, I guess. Right, or if you become Superman. I guess he doesn't make phone calls in there while he's changing he doesn't need to just find a pay phone he's just changing it's all like uh could you just step back and what i mean i'm sure this is uh territory that's been covered by every other podcast what happens to his suit like does he leave his suit in the phone booth and also do coins fall out of it yeah oh for sure that's why nobody complained they scoop up those coins well no he does it so fast to go right through their head like a bullet he does it so fast when you're getting undressed at the end of the day, are you hearing, ba-ding, ba-ding, ba-ding.

Ouch. Oh, God. Ah. But, yeah, like, so I just poured all these coins into a bag, and I hid them in a box for the movers, like, and I made sure not to carry that box. Like, whoa, that box is super what was the war is right fragile on it what was the most annoying thing to move uh other than like a bed uh i don't really

have a ton of stuff so it was like it was all mostly boxes you have books i have some books books are the worst yeah yeah and i have uh i have two like milk crates of, uh, records. Oh, right. Uh, those are hard to move too. You gotta be so sensitive with them. I had to move mine from Chicago to New York and it was like the, it was such a bigger pain in the ass than I thought it was going to be. Yeah.

I had to put them away from everything else so they didn't get messed up. Yeah. else so they didn't get messed up yeah and uh the movers like uh they had like a young trainer trainee guy with them and uh he uh smashed a framed thing and he was mortified and i was like i didn't really like that thing that's fine like i i tried to make him feel better about it and uh but but i was like i guess you do have to have something like a sacrificial yeah lamb during a move that's like okay that's the thing that got broken and it's like a lesson yeah to the rest of you stuff um but yeah everything else was really easy it was it was a pretty easy move as they go except they forgot that they were supposed to come and move me so

they were two and a half hours late okay uh what did they do in store they're just waiting around the fire hall waiting for a call to go yeah there's like a pole yeah chasing the dalmatian around they uh no i called them like after they were half an hour late and i was like where are you and they're like uh we don don't see your name in the thing. And I was like, well, check the other thing. Because I talked to you. I can tell you what date at exactly what time I called. And so then he called back.

He's like, all right, we're sending over our worst people. Three worst dudes. One of them is his first move ever. He's going to break something. He's barely legal. Oh, yeah. And if you have any copies of Barely Legal, he'll steal those. Or he'll autograph them.

But I think it would be cool to have copies of Barely Legal autographed by, like, famous lawyers. Alan Dershowitz. Yeah. I'm totally legal. i sign up on this it is barely legal just barely um uh oh yeah so they they uh sent over these guys but then at one point the guy same guy who i had called was taking another call for future booking and he's like yeah i got it and he didn't write it down like did you not learn anything from this guy whose business this is it's like yep gotcha i'll be there it doesn't write anything down like a steel trap once it's in there it's never getting out of my head. They must have, it must be like a really busy week for a dog.

Because when there's only like one or two days a month you would move. Like no one's moving on the, you know, 21st. All of these guys. Except at the end of the season, if you have a seasonal lease. All of these guys. Except, I guess, at the end of the season, if you have a seasonal lease. All these guys, like, these are the, you know, three days that they work at this moving company. Like, they're not full-time employees. They just, like, these three days at the end of the month, they're guaranteed this much money.

Yeah. And so they just help move. They're just like a bunch of strongos. They're just like, i'll do this and then whatever other strong things yeah yeah i'm some midway strong stuff yeah i'll do some bouncing at a club and then i'll do uh you know maybe i'll set up a roller coaster i'll be a carny for a bit you know i'll beat up a guy for some cash if the guy's, like, following you around or whatever. You don't have a jack for your car, I'll show up. Yeah, you know, lift the car.

Yeah, clear a boulder. Pick up a piano. Yeah. I have some friends who do that in New York. That's, like, a comic job in New York is a lot of people move. People move all the time there. So it's, like, but they'll work, like, two days a week and make all their money. It's nuts.

Yeah. And sometimes they'll show up, like, two and a half hours late to like intimidate a guy if they think he's a bitch oh but i outfitted the shit out of those guys once they got there i had my dick out i was like check this out, cucks. They were like, oh, we guess we're sorry. Sorry, Mr. Clark. They like start moving faster. Start moving other people's stuff into the extra stuff. Yeah, go steal that lady's birdcage.

Yeah, so it was, you know, aside from the broken thing. I mean, there's probably other broken things I haven't discovered yet. Sure. But that's one of the, I'll do some unboxing videos. Unboxing your moob stuff? Yeah. Whoa, I'm hearing a lot of shattered glass in this one. Oh, well, do we want to move on to some Overheard?

Yeah, let's. Are you sad and confused about world politics? Worried about the upcoming inevitable nuclear war? Or maybe a rat is living in your house. There's a rat living in my house. How do you get rid of a rat from a house? Why not immerse yourself in a completely fictional imagined podcast for the beef and dairy industries? It works for me.

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It will be the best decision of your life. Make a ton of new friends like Parker and Patrick at MaxFunCon. Tickets for MaxFunCon and MaxFunCon East are on sale now at MaxFunCon.com. Overheard. Overheard. A segment where, you know, the people out there that, you know,

sometimes you're sitting close to somebody and they don't know about volume control. So you just, you hear it. You're not going out of your way, but you just hear these things and then they're funny and then we share them here and we always like to start with the guests. Of course. I have a few here. Can I just do one and then maybe?

Yeah, maybe like do one and then we'll come back. Love it. Love it. Okay. How many you got? We can bounce and bounce? I got like two or three. Two or three.

Okay, we'll bounce. Oh, cool. Okay. First one is. Guys, it'll go Tom. Yeah. Then it'll Okay Cool Okay First one is Guys They'll go Tom Yeah Then they'll go Dave Yeah

Then they'll go Tom Back to Tom Then Grail Yeah Then Tom Back to Tom Cool Overheard

Your music is so soothing by the way I love that song Yeah the home listener can't tell But we have that on a loop Right now Yeah it really drives you crazy I don't know how you guys This podcast It's an endurance test.

Yeah, they're using it at Guantanamo. Off mic, we were just talking about the great Andy Kindler. This is an Andy Kindler related overheard because it was at one of his shows. Someone walked out because he did a joke about the Titanic. And I heard this person walk out. They were mad. They go, guess you got to be a history major to get this guy. Yeah.

Hey, what about the rest of us plebes? Sure, I know about Edmund Fitzgerald, but that's all of my boat sinking knowledge. I didn't see the Titanic movie. I didn't have three hours in 1998. I wonder if it holds up. I never saw it. No, no? No.

Never. Wow. It was a time in my life when I was very sort of, I guess I always am, just kind of contrarian. Right. I'm a Titanic denier, so I get it. Oh, sure. It never happened. Insinkable Molly Brown. Come on.

Give me that sweet Lusitania. Iceberg? That's a type of lettuce. You know what? In a few years that's all it will be I do like the guy Who's like both He denies the moon landing And the Titanic sinking

You know who did it? Stanley Kubrick Just look for clues the moon landing and the titanic sinking you know who did it stanley kubrick yeah just look for clues in uh yeah i think what you'll find is a lot of his characters from his other movies appear on the moon yeah like red rum yeah yeah it's kind of like how pixar will put a character from an upcoming movie that's the same thing that's why if you look at the moon landing there's there's a lady saying me love you long time uh dave overheard mine was uh a few weeks ago i went to a hockey game i went to a lot of hockey games this year i want to thank the vancouver canucks for their continued excellence.

And they're fun. They're a fun thing to go see live. There's some sports I imagine wouldn't be fun to go see live. A golf, for example. Oh, sure. You'd have to walk, really? Like a lot from hole to hole. Oh, sunny. Yeah, watching a marathon is not fun, you know, because then you're driving from place to place or you're just sitting at a finish line.

Hockey game, fun. Fun watch. And they do these things in between. I guess when they go to you're driving from place to place or you're just sitting on a finish line hockey game fun fun watch um and they do these things in between i guess when they go to commercial they'll do some the you know they'll play do a contest on the big board or they'll do you know the kiss cam uh and they had one which was a promotion for uh i think it's a must be a local brand canadian brand of juice called jug's called Jugo Juice. I almost went there today. Oh, yeah. They have them in all the train stations.

Because nothing says, finally, get your life together. Get on the train and get a juice. It's this woman who hosts, and she brings up someone from the audience and she, you know, ask them a trivia question or something so they can win a gift card to Jugo juice. And she's introducing this guy. Yeah, we're here with Daniel. And, uh, Daniel's the biggest smoothie fan in this place, isn't he?

And he goes, what? I told you that in confidence. Don't ask, don't tell about my smoothie affiliation. I didn't know you were going to announce it to the whole studio. What? And like, it was just the kind of thing. He's the biggest smoothie fan in here, isn't he? And that's when she gives him the microphone?

Yeah. Yeah. I also collect rugs. I'm not just the biggest smoothie fan in there. I have other qualities. I'm a complicated guy. Now, I understand, Tom, you have a second overheard. I've got a second.

I love it. I've got a pick. Yeah. There's so many. I went to the march in New York. Yeah. The one that... The pro-Trump march?

Yeah, the pro-Trump. Yeah. I went to the women's march in New Yorkork and they had a lot of like i was there was a ton of signs that said all kinds of different stuff but there were also children there and me and my roommate both heard this little girl next to us yo my pussy eats respect we looked around And we were like That little girl said that

And then we saw There was a sign Right in front of us That said that And she was just reading it It was her sign That's not the best sign No it's not good

Cause we were like She must have misread that She's a dumb little girl But At the women's market Cause it It It

You know Assumes that you You're making the belief That oh it is an actual cat that eats things. Yeah, yeah. And does it eat actual things? No, it eats. Respect.

The concept of respect. Yeah. It's too many leaps. Yeah, it's a lot of leaps. It's no good. Yeah. That's why we were so confused by it. And we were like, she must have read that wrong.

She read it right. Good for her. That's funny. Smart little pussy. I don't know what I would. I can say that now. She read it right. Good for her. That's funny. Smart little pussy. I don't know what I would... I can say that now. I'm a feminist. Is that right?

Yeah, is that how it works? That's how it works. You can say anything. Yeah, I can say that because I want to. If Donald Trump had ended that locker room talk thing

with like, I can say that, I'm a feminist. Everybody would have been fine with it. I just grabbed him. I'm a feminist. Yeah. been fun with it I'm a feminist yeah

and it's just like he's saying yeah it's just been all ironic the whole time and they're like yeah just before he gets off the bus

but seriously guys they're they're they're people so you know it's fun to have locker room talk which I say this is

because all of our dicks are out I kid the Muslims Macaroon talk, which I say this is because all of our dicks are out. I kid the Muslims. No, he's great. Yeah. No, he's a cool guy. He's a cool guy. He's misunderstood.

Fake news. I wonder if we have lost any listeners because we are. Fake news? Yeah. That's what I'm asking. I was trying to think of a news story like a fake news story to come up with. There aren't any.

The only words that came into my head were Jamie Lee Curtis. Jamie Lee Curtis does what though Dave? She doesn't actually eat yogurt. That's the one thing you're sure of. Alright Jamie Lee Curtis

is going to be a part of this. Yeah. But what? What's fake about her? What's real about her that I can turn to fake? I know what the headline will be.

True lies. My man. Absolutely. Get to the chopper. that that movie yep uh i haven't overheard now before we go back to tom for another dose uh this was a lady showing photos of her daughters to a younger girl but like not girl like a you know 20 something uh anyways the 20 something asks the the older mother uh like kind of like conspiratorially really secretly is she your favorite and the mom kind of looks around and goes she's not my favorite i just like her better than the other ones i'm not gonna go on record as saying they're my favorite but you draw your own she doesn't have a majority of my love she has a plurality

now tom yes final overheard final overheard. Final overheard. Okay. This one was like, this is what I want to point out. Verse two. I've been terrible. Oh, no. Fake news. They've been great. This fake news is real.

Jamie Lee Curtis hated your overheard. Okay. This one, I was at the grocery store uh it across my apartment i saw this elderly woman just like holding two bags of shredded cheese and uh she's just like staring at them and then her what i assume is her husband walked up and she just like had them and he goes you don't even eat cheese and then she put them down but one of the reasons I don't is because of the shredding. This solves that.

Oh, no, that's not true. I have bought, but I was going to say, have you ever bought pre-shredded? Of course. Yeah. I mostly buy pre-shredded. It seems like,

I wonder, you know, I've never gone in with a calculator and like cost per milligram of cheese but it seems like they're they're charging you a lot to just write it for you yeah it's like but there's some things where like i it would be i would buy it you know like shredded lettuce shred us yeah you shred us uh you know i would rather lettuce. Shreddice. Yeah, shreddice. You know, I would rather have that than just buy like a fucking lettuce and then wash it and chop it and shred it. To me, it's like you could double the price.

You have to wash it, though, still. The shredded? No. It even says on the bag it's been washed three times. But that's how you get salmonella or whatever that's how they have a fourth time yeah oh okay all right i someone told me that and i was like oh yeah no i i have been washing it no no i have it's like flossing you gotta wash your lettuce my dentist is always giving me shit about it you've been washing lettuce? Because your gums tell another story.

I'd rather just never eat lettuce again than worry about washing shredded lettuce. Yeah, that's true. As soon as people found out you could get salmonella from lettuce or spinach, that must have been a huge hit to the salad industry. You already barely want to eat it anyway. Yeah, you're like, oh, what? Also, there's a risk. What's the best thing with lettuce in it?

Burgers? I think a taco. Yeah, a taco is really nice to have that crunch. Yeah, but a burger is good to have lettuce on top. It's not one of the layers in a seven-layer dip, is it? No. No, but you know what's really tasty? Lettuce wrap.

Oh, that's true uh what's really tasty lettuce wrap oh that's real uh yeah those uh pf chang's like lettuce things are so good we don't have we don't have pf chang's no what is it it's just like a is it kind of like mall food court or is it no it's like a high it's like a sit down it's like my mom's favorite thing it's like a chinese sit down place but it's like they'd have it in like a nicer like a neighborhood it's like a it's like thing. It's like a Chinese sit-down place, but it's like they'd have it in like a nicer, like a neighborhood. It's like the Chili's or TGI Fridays of Asian food. Yeah, because what's the food court like? That's Panda Express.

Panda Express. That's the nearest thing ever. We have something similar here. Or like every food court has a Chinese place that just has, you know, 18 different things. Stuff under a bulb. Yeah. Right. But if you ask me, I like the Japanese. I like when they do the, you know,

teriyaki it up on the grill. Yeah, that's a lot of the best. Fun to watch, fun to hear. Oh yeah. Yeah. And put on a show for you. Yeah. There's Mongolian grills. Oh yeah. I want to go to, what's the famous? Benihana? Yeah, Ben. Yeah. They put on a show for you. Yeah. There's Mongolian grills. Oh, yeah. I want to go to what's the famous? Benihana?

Yeah, Benihana. Because they do the onion. Yeah, I've been to one that's like an off-brand Benihana. Yeah. They put on the show and they'll whip a shrimp in your face. Open up your shirt pocket. Yeah. Now look down.

That's a piece of salmon. I just ruined your shirt pocket Yeah Now look down That's a piece of salmon I just ruined your shirt Now we have overheard sent in to us From people around the world If you want to send one in Is this new? No, no, no This is Dave

We've always been doing this I don't think so Fake news If you want to send one in to us You can send it in to SBY at Maxim maximumfun.org. This first one comes from Tara S. in Point Clark, Ontario. Don't know it, but she says it's near Kincardine, which she's married to Kanye West.

Yeah. He invented pink shirts. Why would you say it's near another place we haven't heard of? So this is, she's at a resort in Mexico and was at breakfast this morning at a restaurant overlooking the water. Sounds wonderful. Doesn't it? Yeah. On a day like today?

Yeah. it yeah on a day like today yeah outside there were several people using stand-up paddle boards from the table next to me i heard a teenage girl ask the rest of her family are we going to go do the waterboarding lessons now in fairness when you first heard waterboarding, it sounded totally tubular. When she said stand-up paddle boards, I laughed because I thought she saw... I filled it in my head that she saw a bunch of people playing stand-up bases. At this resort. Yeah, exactly. I'm doing mexican beat poetry the uh that doesn't look that to me it doesn't look fun

the stand-up paddle boarding i don't know how it caught like some things when you look at them you're like boy that looks fun i'm never gonna try it but looks fun but that doesn't look fun so i don't understand i've done it you've done it yeah on a lake it's just better than an ocean that's true uh and uh you know it's real wobbly and i was like i really got the hang of it by the end but everyone told me i did not from the look of it i did not get the hang of it it seems like kayaking for the man who loves stress. I feel like I'd be stressed out the whole time, but if you're not sitting there and you're like that. Yeah, that's true.

It's like kayaking for the guy who has a stand-up desk at the office. Yeah, yeah. I'm always working out, kind of. If there was a way you could do it while sitting on one of those yoga balls, that would be. So slippery. balls. That would be... So slippery. This next one comes from Gary

in Melbourne, Australia. Melbourne, I think is how they would say it. Stop it. They would. That's racist. You're doing a voice. A mom was going nuts. This is at a toy shop. Mom was going nuts at her

two sons who were arguing and yelling at each other. Fighting over dirt. Hot new toy. After repeatedly telling the boys off in that way that parents do when they try and be quiet but speak through clenched teeth. Mom says to the boys, keep this behavior up. We're going straight to the plant nursery and I will make you both spend the afternoon walking around looking at plants for hours. And you'll both hate that, won't you? That's a threat that all my parents would have to say is, fine, we're going to the bank.

Oh, yeah. Going to the bank was always the most boring. Going to the liquor store, most fun. Going to the bank was always the most boring. Going to the liquor store, most fun. Going to the liquor store was so much fun. What did I like doing when I was a kid? No, I mean, yeah, I loved being pushed in the shopping cart. Oh, yeah, that was fun. I used to, on several occasions, I went with my uncle to the dump.

That was so much fun. For a kid? A fun errand for a kid. Yeah, like, just, I'm going to throw out this drywall. Go play with garbage. Try not to poke yourself with anything. Bye. With that.

Yeah. I mean, there's the thing they say now about kids. It's like, they never get to, you know, get dirty. They never get to run around the neighborhood anymore because parents are so worried about being kidnapped because that happened yeah but it always happened but we just never covered it on the news before i know but it's also uh when i was a kid like you know you'd find like a gross mattress just start playing on it oh yeah like instantly start wrestling on it and like yeah you would uh sure you would get poked by a needle but it wasn't probably it was probably fine

you maybe got you know see one of the lower haps might have gotten high it's a bonus yeah exactly yeah you don't know and maybe that's a discarded B12 shot. It's a much needed vitamin. That'll help me focus. Yeah. Yeah, you gotta, everybody looks like it is a negative thing. You gotta look at it, you know,

maybe the rusty thing you cut your hand on was treasure. Ooh. And you got pirate blood in your blood. Oh, sure. And now you'll have an insatiable swashbuckling something uh this last one comes from ian c parts unknown overheard at a gym guy one what's wrong with her guy two you know man she spends like a fish. Spends like a fish. Yeah, she spends like a fish.

I mean, sure. What else do fish have to do? Spin around. Yeah, spin around, spend. Buy stuff for their friend, the little diving man who lives next to the castle. Which, drink like a fish? Drink like a fish or swim like a fish. Oh, yeah. Drink like a fish, does that mean they drink a lot? Yeah. Drink like a fish is bad. Swim like a fish? Drink like a fish or swim like a fish Oh yeah, drink like a fish, does that mean they drink a lot?

Yeah, drink like a fish is bad, swim like a fish is good What does it mean if you don't drink very much? Is there a term for that? Dry like a camel Or drink like a tarantula Yeah, yeah, oh yeah, she drinks like a tarantula Just little eyedroppers I don't know how tarantulas, I don't know what they eat. Other bugs? Ah, yes. I think it's other bugs.

We used to have a pet tarantula when I was a kid. Oh, really? It terrified me every day. Did they... Was your brother Buzz, Mikel? That's right. Yeah, yeah, Buzz. Did they... Yeah, how do insects get water? By accident? Or out of...

I don't know. Like, you don't see a tarantula. They got so many hands. You have a cup. Oh, they do flair bartending. So many hands. But, like, my brother, when I was growing up, he had a lizard. And it ate crickets.

And then, like, I swear to God, the first day we brought home crickets, they all escaped and just jumped into the lights. We couldn't get them out of the light fixtures. They were just jumping around in the lights. Now we have to feed the crickets. Oh, great. What do we feed our house crickets? In addition to overheards that are written and we also accept your phone calls if

you would like to call us our phone number is a great phone number that will go down in the annals of history as one of the better here are some of the betters at 9-1-1 yeah 800-309-8484. Oh, absolutely. And of course, this one. 1-844-779-7631. Or 1-UGH-SPYPOD1. Like these people have. Hi, Dave and Graham and possible guests. My name is Patty. I'm from Toledo, Ohio.

And I'm calling in with an overheard. I work in a restaurant, and I was in the bathroom one day, and there was a little girl in the one stall with her mom standing in the doorway. So the stall was open, and the rest of us were standing in line waiting for them to finish. And all of a sudden I hear the little girl go, Mom, do you know what it's called when a boy dates another boy? And I'm thinking, oh, no. And she just goes, it's called drama. Oh, boy. That's such a good one yeah she ain't lying yeah it's like uh it's like one of those do you think do you think she learned that in like a on a joke forum or something or

where would it i have no idea a reality show yeah yeah that's where most drama takes place yeah there was one time I was at after a show at a bar and there was a guy

who he started a joke and everybody was like please don't finish that joke we think it's gonna be awful and then and then it wasn't but he was like

it was like how do you find Will Smith in the snow? And we were all like, don't finish this joke. Look for the Fresh Prince. Oh, that's very good. That's a very good joke. Yeah, and then we all felt very bad for being like.

Just assuming. Because he was an old man. We were like, oh like oh no this guy is going to tell us the worst joke and then it turned out like it was just such a nice joke so nice and you're the bad guy for the new movie

that's the best type of joke because you're so tense yeah and in my head I'm imagining these horrible bunch of but i'm like well what's wrong with my brain like now i know how this would end yeah here's your next phone call hi dave graham an adorable guest from vict. My niece is just learning about death, and recently our next-door neighbor passed away.

His name was Louie. And we have another next-door neighbor named Mrs. J, and my niece said, yeah, so old people die when, some people die when they're old, right, Mom? She said, yes, but not Mrs. J, right? That's right. And my niece said, oh, well, maybe next year She said, yes. But not Mrs. J, right? That's right. And my niece said, oh well, maybe next year. Oh, damn.

Good luck, Mrs. J. I relate. I just learned about death, too. Apparently these people don't come back. Yeah, I know. That's the big unveiling. Yeah, well, that's something you're going to have to explain to the. I don't know.

I don't know. Knock it out right now. I don't remember learning about it. Yeah. I think. Yeah. I think I do remember because I think it was my my grandfather died and it was like. Oh, just having to communicate to a kid like, no, there's no more.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. more. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of this person. Like, I think it's easier maybe if you have a pet that dies and then you.

Oh, it's lovely. No, no. That's why you should get it. It's wonderful. It's like fun almost. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it. It was like, but it's easier to maybe explain that in an animal sense.

Like if a kid saw a dead bird and be like, what's that? And then you kind of explain. It's dead. It's dead. It's dead. But with a person, you're like, because then you have to, you're like,

that person goes away and also you will too. I explain it every time we have like chicken for dinner. Yeah, you're like. Because chicken used to be like a chicken. Yeah.

That's why it's called chicken. You've got two separate things. Same thing. Anyway. Enjoy your wings. Enjoy your gizzard. Serve a lot of gizzard this time of year. Here's your final overheard, guys.

Hey, Dave, Graham, and guest. I just got back from a night out. Rode the last train home. from a night out, rode the last train home, and a drunk man sprinted onto the train just before the doors closed and sat catching his breath for a while, then pulled a street vendor shawarma-looking sandwich out of his pocket, ate it very aggressively

while still winded from his sprint to the train then wiped his face with his jacket a bunch of times and exasperatedly called out

take that Sheila you said I never would but here I am doing it. You said I'd never make it to the train and get a shawarma. Yeah, watching somebody eat on public transit is a wild affair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like there's certain foods that I'm like, that's fine. That's a fine public transit. What's, what goes in that category for you?

Slice of pizza? That's, because I was going to say, I feel like I've been this guy. Yeah, oh yeah. I've been eating pizza on the train, drunk at night. I feel like, but then, then it starts, then I feel like that's the narrow band. Yeah, it's pretty narrow. It's like a muffin, croissant, donut any any hand grab

hand bread yeah but like not a subway sandwich no you can't even eat a subway sandwich anyway yeah because then it's just like shredded lettuce just flies in and it may eat yeah different direction you ever try in your car it's like it's impossible to eat a subway sandwich a subway sandwich it's awful you awful Driving while holding it Two hands on the wheel and holding the other end I used part of the sandwich to drive Shifting with it It's the kind

Subway particularly You have to eat it within You know You have to eat it right away That's why they say eat fresh. Yeah. Otherwise it's garbage. They're not just saying

their food is fresh. They're saying eat fresh or else it turns into a soggy bomb. Yeah. I saw somebody eating pistachios on the train

and just throwing the shells on the floor. Not acceptable. That's fine. No, no, no. Sunflower seeds. It's worse. They were spitting the seeds Oh, nice. That's good. Wow. Middle of the floor. That's fine. No, no, no. Sunflower seeds. It's worse. They were spitting the seeds.

Oh, nice. Wow. Middle of the day. Somebody, I was on a bus like just a few nights ago and they're eating a, I feel like you could do it with a small burrito, but not like a giant, like a gigantic. This is what I was asking for because that's where I'm on the fence. It just depends. Yeah.

If it was a small like Taco Bell size. You know what? You can start a burrito on the train but you can't finish it because the last bit is going to be a mess. It's like drip. I screwed up. I felt guilt when I was listening to this because I was like, I feel like I've been that guy because I was 3 a.m.

eating and 3 a.m. I must be lonely. That's a fact about me. I was glad you brought it up. Well, there's two famous Rob Thomases, which is weird. They both went for it. There can only be two. What did you eat at 3 a.m.? I was eating a burrito at 3 a.m., and it started dripping. And the next day, I made a lot of mistakes in my life.

That stuck with me as I was like, oh, what was I last night? What? Eating a burrito on the train. I want to push you around. And I will. I will. Was this in New York? It was bad season.

Yeah, yeah. Because that's a New York problem. Like, you can't get a burrito in most cities at 3 in the morning. No, that's true. Or take public transit. I feel like anything that's in a bowl is no-go. The worst I ever saw was corn on the cob. Oh, yeah.

On a crowded bus, standing up. I saw somebody really, I have a photo of it somewhere on my phone eating a mango but like peeling it and eating it like a like how like banana style yeah but it's mostly pit right yeah so they were just kind of like was their hand so juicy your prop while the seat was you know that was being held over other seats. Oh, yeah. Yeah, but I'd never seen somebody eat a mango like that before and never before on the bus.

What comfort in the world they must have, you know? Yeah. Just be eating a mango. Or just, like, they're dumb. They're clueless and dumb. Could be dumb. That's true. Bring a small hibachi on the bus.

I opened the window. I know there's a little smoke but No one would complain It smells nice Yeah that's true Have you ever been on a bus where somebody closes all the windows Because it's so hot or cold Yeah what are they thinking I don't know but they're like who made you king of the bus

We will all be warm now And it just gets all foggy in there Yeah I don't know Think of Ruth And we will all be warm now. And it just gets all foggy in there. Yeah. I don't know. Think of Ruth. So that does bring us to the end of this here podcast. Do you have anything? This will come out.

Oh, let's call it the 13th. The 13th. Yeah. Yeah. Do you have any Valentine's plans? Oh, big Valentine's Day plans. Going to make out with a burrito? Oh, I'm going to slurp up a burrito.

Yeah, I'm going to be at Caroline's with Andy. Oh, sorry. With that. Jesus. It got worse. Sorry, and then I bumped it harder. I'm going to be at Caroline's for a benefit on the 28th. Andy Kindler is closing it out.

Oh, nice. Oh, what, do you got to be a history buff? Yeah, nice. Oh, what, he got to be a history buff? Yeah, exactly. Oh, boy, the War of 1812 over here. Yeah, oh, boy. Somebody else that same show, or that same weekend, walked out and they were like, he's stupid. He's stupid. Like, they just didn't get his rhythm. He had a moment where he, I don't know if he'd want to be telling this story, but he was just like, he had a moment where during the show he know if he'd want to tell the story but he was just like he's not

he had a moment where during the show he saw them get up and he was like you know i'm not trying to make you angry right like these are just what i think it's funny it's not like he was being offensive yeah yeah he was just doing his like what is funny that we all loved and this audience member is so angry yeah but that's uh that's perhaps's perhaps when Andy Kindler is at his finest. Yes. Is when someone is walking out and then you get the full Andy Kindler. When he was on this podcast, I walked out. Yeah.

Dave walked out. Like Gallagher. Yeah, he walked out. Come on, Shumka. Gallagher. Come on, Gallagher. Gallagher Come out here Gallagher Gallagher's already Parachuted out the window And you

We're saying you also I have a podcast You have a podcast Yes What is that like Something like An internet radio show It's like a WTF style

Conversation No it's No it's called Girls Night Right now it's still called With Tom Brady But conversation no it's uh no it's called girls night right now it's still called with tom brady but i'm gonna change it hopefully before uh valentine's day that's my gift to my girlfriend oh it's a change the name of my podcast i have another podcast coming out called stand by your band where we defend uh shitty music oh that's a lot of fun yeah i hope and like and just stuff that people frown on like dane cook and stuff yeah like some but where we defend shitty music. Oh, that's a lot of fun. Yeah, I hope it should be.

And just stuff that people frown on, like Dane Cook and stuff. Yeah, but something that you're like, I like. Yeah, so you come on and you defend it. Oh, that's a very good concept for a podcast. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, it should be a good time. Yeah, thanks, guys.

Well, thank you so much for coming on the show. Yeah, thanks for having me. I love this show. You guys are the best. No, you're the best. Stop it. You people out there. You people having me. I love this show. You guys are the best. No, you're the best. Stop it. You people out there. You people.

Whoa. Yeah, exactly. How do you find you in a snowstorm? If you like this show, head over to MaximumFun.org. Check out the blog.

Recap pictures and videos relating to the content of the podcast. The Titanic. The Titanic. The Titanic, for sure. Yogurt. Jamie Lee Curtis. The dog from As Good As It Gets.

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