Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 466

Episode Date: February 20, 2017

No guest this week as we talk about '80s monsters, human goths, and Riverdale.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 466 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who, well, I just can't picture somebody I'd rather spend a Saturday afternoon with than Mr. Dave Shumka. Oh, hello. I didn't know I was being introduced. Oh, hello.

Hi there. Hi. Hi. Graham? Yes. This week we don't have a guest. No guests. And you know what? It's going to be fine.

Yeah, I think we're going to pull through. It's been a long time. We used to do these every 10 episodes. Yeah, it has been a while. But then, you know, life catches up with you. Oh, yeah. And life is what happens while you're making a box of chocolates. Yeah.

Before we get going, I just want to remind everyone, we've got a live show coming up. Yes. On February 23rd here in Vancouver at the Biltmore Cabaret with John Doerr. Yeah, special guest John Doerr. We also have a show coming up March 4th in Banff, Alberta. Yeah, that's a perfect time to, you know, if you want to see us live and you also are like, have a hankering to sit in a, you know, a natural spa. Do they have hot springs there?

They have hot springs up in Banff, so. They got it all. Oh, yeah. It's the best. Mountains. Logs. Hot springs. Tourists.

Fondue. They've got several fondue restaurants. Several? Well, at least one. For sure one on the main street, but I think back in the 70s. What's it called? Grizzly House. Oh, I was hoping for a pun.

Oh. Jane Fondue. Peter Fondue. Henry Fondue. Bridget Fondue. One of these puns. Yeah. You could start a chain and in every city it would be a different fondue.

The, you know, melting pot. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I don't know that, does Vancouver have a fondue restaurant? We've got several. Oh, really? Yeah. Which ones? We've got the melting pot.

We've got the fondues and don'ts. Yeah. Of fondue. We've got cheese softeners. Yeah. We've got cheese softeners um uh yeah we got dairy dip you melt it uh yeah you bring it we melt it it's sort of like a um uh what do you call those mongolian barbecue where you just pick the things and then they they'll just melt anything you can melt like uh steel a steel beam you can bring in uh what are those uh when you were a kid you would put these plastic beads together and put them in the oven and then they'd be like a keychain perler beads yeah yeah you can bring in as many perler beads as you can

carry what about are they called shrinky dinks no what were the things well shrinky dinks? No. What were the things? Well, shrinky dinks were big and then you bake them and they went small. That's weird. Why would that be a good thing to have? I don't know. Look, there's too much trash. Yeah. Oh, that's true. In the world.

So why don't we shrink it? Why isn't everything shrinky? That's what I've been doing with all of the garbage in my house. I put it in the oven first. Shrink it down. first. Drink it down. Drink it down. And then move out. Yeah, but I remember going maybe to a birthday party when I was a kid and Shrinky Dinks was the thing we did.

Was the nickname of the kid. And you know what? We still call him that to this day. It's on Facebook. He's Jamie Shrinky Dinks Wilson. Do we want to get to know oh sure get to know us but there were shrinky dinks and then there were the things that came in a package you added water or you put it in a glass and it would become a big dinosaur or like enlarge your dinks yeah or a dink i guess you could do that for like a bachelorette party oh sure out and then put them

in a dink what like whoa yeah well i i don't remember what they were called but they were like sponge pills they would turn it was a sponge yeah and it would it would but it wasn fast. Like you'd have to put it in water and then leave it for 24 hours. And you come back and you're like, wow, it's so big. I thought you were going to say 20 minutes. It was closer to 20 minutes. Yeah. And would the capsule dissolve or not quite? No.

And it smelled really weird. Like whatever chemicals that made that happen smelled, they didn't smell good. Margo got a, I guess in a, like a loot bag at a birthday party, a goodie bag, loot bag. What do you call it? I would have called it a loot bag. Yeah. Um, uh, you know, they give them like little candies and, you know, and a necklace. Right.

Uh, and she got this, um, got this it was the paper towel, no, like face cloth washcloth. Yeah. That was folded down super small so it was like that you had to pour water on it and watch it get big. Oh, fun. It was Captain America. She loves Captain America. She does, she just calls them

Erica. There's when I remember getting something, maybe in a swag thing from a festival. Oh yeah. And it was a t-shirt that was folded into, it was folded into the shape of a t-shirt, but really tiny. And then you open it up and it was just a super wrinkly t-shirt because it had been folded so much.

Yeah. But you can wash it. Well, it wasn't a very good t-shirt press it i think i left it in the hotel room oh yeah that's where most swag goes to die yeah i like to think that i've i've brightened a few days by leaving behind my swag oh sure that's how you tip your chambermaid yeah exactly here enjoy uh a weed grinder yeah exactly and uh you know this uh is comedy network uh stress ball oh sure yeah you need koozies we got koozies i wouldn't mind if i had to have like a uh just like a regular old jobby job being in a company that made like novelties for that kind of thing that you would

put your company name on oh yeah because i'd like to know what's new sure here's what i think they got they got all always koozies koozies yeah koozies stress balls um those floating keychains for your boat oh yeah yeah that's right yeah um uh i think they also have like A mug Yeah a mug, pens There was like Little flashlights Yeah Yeah like how many insurance company flashlights do you own?

Probably a few Sure yeah or real estate people do They mostly give you a pad of paper You'll get a pad of paper in your mailbox Yeah I remember when I worked at a warehouse, they gave us little pads of paper and they came on little tiny pallets.

That was pretty cute. Oh, man. This is... Let's stop everything. And let you start a novelty company? Yeah. It would be fun

to work in a novelty company, but it would be bad because you know you're just mass producing trash. Yeah. Like stuff that. But it's all shrinkable. That's true.

As long as you put a direction. After use, burn. People used to do that. Used to just burn their garbage in their backyards. Yeah. Why don't we still? I don't know. I don't know.

Probably because this is what I'm picturing. Me lighting a bunch of garbage on fire. Several pieces of paper that are on fire blow away and catch fire to somebody else's house. Okay. That's how I'm picturing it. I guess it's the environmental impact. But also, landfills aren't great either. Yeah.

It's weird that I guess they were like well it's one or the other so we're gonna go with burying it as opposed to burning it yeah yeah which i don't know it's gonna turn out that that's gonna be part of our downfall that we put so much garbage in the ground are you kidding me it's gonna turn out it's also gonna turn out that we shouldn't have been burning it for as long as we were. But there's like in Saskatchewan, I think there's a ski hill that's made entirely is garbage. And then they just put grass over it and then put snow on it. And I guess what do I know?

What do I know what hills are made out of? They might be all garbage for all I know. I guess they're made of rocks. Yeah, rocks and dirt. Are they made of a bunch of rocks or one big rock? That's a great question. Would you rather be hit with one big rock or a bunch of horse-shaped rocks? What?

So like Mount Everest. Just a big rock? I guess it's just one big rock what's it what's holding it up ice so it's on top of ice yeah i think ice is the glue like it's buttressing it because is it one rock all the way down to the ground and then underground there's just like rock yeah i think there's just more rock. Yeah, I think there's just more rock. I think it's rock. Is the underground rock the same rock?

Oh, yeah, I think. Or did they pour a foundation? I think it's like when you say like an iceberg, it's just, you're just seeing the tip. Uh-huh. And then I think like. Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey. If you had to like, you know, if you had to climb Everest from the very bottom of Everest.

Uh-huh. Oh, it'd take forever. Oh, from under Everest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. had to climb Everest from the very bottom of Everest. Uh-huh. It would take forever. Oh, from under Everest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. From beneath Everest. So nobody's really climbed Everest proper. They've just climbed the tip. Thank you.

Thank you. A lot of these pretenders to the throne. Fake news. Yeah. And there's, speaking of garbage, Everest covered in it. Oh, yeah. Because people have their tanks and stuff, and also they just take- Corpses.

Corpses, and they also just take dumps everywhere. Everywhere. Have you been up Everest? Nope. What's the highest mountain you've scaled? Not a high one at all. Maybe somewhere in Banff National Park When I was a kid

And it wasn't high but I was like It was high enough I'm not interested I've done Kilimanjaro a couple times Is that right? Did you do it with oxygen or no oxygen? I held my breath the whole time Like when you're in a tunnel when you're a kid

I would hold my pee the whole time I'm only going when i'm at the top oh i'd never held my pee when i was going through a tunnel all over the ceiling of the minivan um what's the tallest uh hill or and or mountain did you do the grass i've the grass grind. That's the local mountain here that people. Did you ever try like, uh, uh, in a climbing center, like a rock wall or anything? Yeah. And I've done, you know, like 30 feet high, you know, on a harness. Yeah. On an actual.

Oh, really? Cliffside. Ugh. Ugh. And, uh, it freaks me out. Oh boy. If you like having your genitals squished around all weird in a harness.

I think that must be part of it. It's like, we're weird perverts, but we don't know how to express it other than with these shoes that have our toes coming through and squishing our scrotums into a harness.

And chalking up our fingers. Like it's all part of the kink. And they're like, well, we'll just say we're mountain climbers. Yeah. I never understood the, first of all, I never understood the appeal. Also, I don't understand where, how do you connect the harness? Does somebody have to go up without a harness first? Yeah.

Right. And then make the harness structure. Like, how does that work? Yeah. I've never understood that. I've never questioned it because I've never want to do it. Sure. Yeah.

No, I haven't. I haven't even questioned it. Yeah. Cause like, if there's a guy that's just going up there how the fuck did that harness get up there i guess you can go up from the other side the easy side oh yeah you take the gondola up put a harness what do you put a carabiner up at the top yeah i don't know there's people who like carab queen. And you're climbing on the mansions for queens. The, some guys sleep up in these. Yeah.

Suspended tents or whatever. That's a kink. That's gotta be a kink. That excites me so much I can pass out. Yeah, I don't know. I just, you know, it's fine if people want to do if that's the way they want to die have you done have you done like an artificial rock wall yeah it's fun yeah it's fun but it makes you feel like yeah you know a big strong man yeah and uh you know the weird

thing about those climbing walls that's not what rocks. They don't have little. They don't have like little grippies. Little nubbins. No. It's, I don't know. And then there's some people that do, they like climb up frozen waterfalls. Why? Who's, how do you gondola up the other side of that guy? The gondolas are closed.

Oh, pardon me. Hey. Got a real frog in my throat. throat oh i'm sorry to hear that is it gone oh there we go do you want to call off the show no i'm back i've chalked up my hands i'm ready to go also where do you keep that chalk oh they have a little bag and is it just a bag of powder chalk? Or is it a Oh no it's like classroom chalk Or is it like a pool cue chalk

And you do each finger separately No it's classroom chalk And they have a little blackboard that they keep In their pocket and then they Use a little eraser to get all the dust off Oh that seems like the hardest way to do it But I can't think of another way That seems like the hardest way to do it, but I can't think of another way.

How else would you do it? And then someone writes PLO on the board and you're not allowed to erase it. Yeah. The Palestinian Liberation Army? Or an organization? Damn it! Damn it! Would you

would you ever like go like hiking? Seems like a crazy thing to do. Yeah. I know people who do that. Come on guys. What's the deal? You're mostly just going up there to have lunch. Why not just have lunch down here with the rest of us?

Yeah. Yeah. We'll stop putting on airs. Fresh airs. I guess that's it, right? Yeah. Like, no, I've been hiking. Yeah, me too. But not as an adult.

But do you need a special boot? Yeah. And it's like, it sounds like something you would do, I don't know, if you were dating and you were like, oh, let's figure out a thing to do. Let's go do it in the woods. That doesn't sound like it would be very good. Doing it in the woods? Nah.

Cold. What if it's summer? Hot. Too hot. What if it's springtime? That's nice. And that is when a young man's fancy turns to love. Sure.

And in fall, you could make a little bed out of fallen leaves. Oh, yeah. But then I'd be so afraid of animals watching, getting ideas. Stealing my moose. Human style. Human style involves a lot of complaining on behalf of the man. That would be me. Oh, it's so hot.

I guess the closest thing to hiking i do regularly is i'll take the dog into the forest really yeah where up by the uh by the ubc yeah oh yeah pacific spirit regional national park that forest is uh so nice so mossy oh yeah real soft sure um i like i used to live when i first first moved to vancouver i live right across the street from that forest and so i would just walk in there smoke cigarettes all the live long way what you're supposed to do in a forest bring fire yeah and uh i could like when i walked in there i could see uh you know how in survival things they're like don't lie down and fall asleep because you'll die i would lie down fall asleep almost immediately like you're not supposed to lie down and like because then you'll die of

hypothermia or whatever what i don't know i might be getting my wires crossed if you are walking in the woods yeah you would fall you would lie down and fall asleep right away yeah like if i got lost okay like i don't think i would uh do you know build a shelter i don't know if you're not allowed to fall asleep oh oh like try at least to build a shelter yeah just like find a soft pasture moss and just fall asleep and hope that like no animals try and eat me sometimes i uh like with one of my children yeah i will have to sleep in a weird place like like on the floor next to a crib or oh yeah on the couch with a baby yeah you're having real uh you're having real survivor times and i wake up and i'm freezing because there's no i didn't bring a blanket into the other room yeah and it's but but you don't you're not freezing

when you lie down you just wake up at six in the morning and and And, like, you will sleep just, like, on the floor? Yeah. Like, you have done? Yeah, I have. Isn't that weird that people can do that? Like, I only think of dogs doing that. Like, I don't think of people doing it. But I've slept on a floor,

and it's so weird when you wake up, you're like, well, I guess I can just... I mean, a bed's more comfortable, but I can really just make it happen on the floor. Yeah, and you like i don't know what it is because it's uh it'll like i think i should only be able to sleep on a floor if i'm exhausted yeah but if it's just like if you if you have a child who insists on holding your hands for whatever reason yeah you until they fall asleep you could just lie there and you if you stay perfectly still you'll bore yourself to sleep

yeah that's true that's very sweet that you uh that you've done that it's not good like it's not it's i'm not helping her out i'm helping myself get get through the night. It's not in the long term. She's better off toughening up. Yeah. But there's plenty of nights to toughen. Yeah. And also, this is your first kid. And so, you want to do all the sweet things.

And everything's a phase. Yeah. She has problems for a few nights she's fine a few nights later yeah that's true what because now she's in her twos which everybody says are so terrible uh-huh uh is she terrible she was terrible right when she started went right around when she turned two like it it was. Like just like a switch? Like. Yeah.

And she would just like find a reason to freak out. Find a reason for a tantrum. Right. Evil. Like we're giving her everything she wants and that's a problem. Yeah, exactly. Because she wept for there were no more. Yeah.

You know, things to conquer, right? It hasn't been too bad. No. Knock on wood or whatever. But people also say, oh, after their terrible twos, you get a three-nager. Oh, Jesus. I didn't know that they'd come up with another fun thing. Oh, what's four going to be?

Lordy, lordy, look who's four-ish. Yeah. Do you ever, do you ever, my parents, I know, uh, they're one of their methods was just to let me like, just burn out. Like just, all right, go on and throw a fit. We'll just watch you just burn out. Yeah. It's, uh, it's easier in private. In private.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. In public, you do have to be like, I guess you don't have to do anything, but. No. You know, your social anxiety suggests. Hey, everyone's looking at me because something's going wrong. I feel like, I think as I've gotten older, I feel more and more sympathy for the parents with the kid melting down.

Because I don't think i ever thought about it at all it's just like oh there's some kids screaming but then as i get older i'm like oh no that kid's screaming and the parents are super mortified yeah and all you can really do is um kind of like give them a light-hearted chuckle yeah like, exactly. It's just like, oh, boy. Someone's tired. Yeah, that's it. That's it. That's all you can do, right? Maybe you can let them butt ahead of you in the grocery line.

No, no. Never. My stuff is already down. Yeah. Yeah. I, uh, uh, but yeah, I was just wondering, cause I, I never see her freaking out whenever, cause she's always either shy or napping. So she doesn't, uh, maybe just show her my headshot whenever she starts freaking out and then she'll be shy.

Well, I've been asking for you to send it. Yeah. Dear Margo, stop freaking out. Ah, great. Cargo. Stop freaking out. But yeah, I'm trying to think of the last time I slept on a floor. And I don't think it was that long ago. No, travel often leads to it.

Yeah. And I think also I'm not great at sleeping. And so in the occasion where I'm sleeping at somebody else's house and they're asleep, oftentimes I will end up, uh, you know, sleeping on their bathroom floor or, you know, the why their bathroom floor. Well, cause I'll get up because I want to read. And, uh, you know, if you're in a one, if you're in a bachelor apartment or something, you don't want to turn the light on.

Yeah. And then I'll, then I'll be like, well guys held asleep in their tub um i remember one time when i was like like young comedy guy went to uh toronto and i slept underneath somebody's table because i was like oh can i crash there not knowing that you, six other comics were also crashing there. So we were all. Someone had called the top of the table already. Is everybody, all the couches, all the chairs, everything was called for. But under the table was clear for sleeping.

What a nightmare. Yeah, it was. I don't think whatever money I saved on not staying in a motel, I don't think it was worth it. I think my back hurt the next morning. Oh, boy. Although they say sleeping on the floor is good for the back. I doubt it. Who would say?

I don't know. Ancient wisdom. What sleep number is a floor? It's just when you turn the sleep thing off, that's floor. Clunk. Yeah. That would be cool if you... I don't know how a sleep number bed works.

I assume there's little men inside pushing up on you. Yeah. But it would be cool if it was literally like you had to have it plugged in at all times for it to even be soft. Like the moment you turn it off, it just clonks. So you're sleeping and then the power goes out and then just yeah uh yeah that's the only downside to the sleepmatic bed is it's 24 you need you should get a backup generator yeah in case of an earthquake um No, I've never been on a sleep bed. I've never been on one of those.

Hospital beds? Oh, no. I've never been in a. Me neither. Yeah. They look, they don't look comfortable. They probably are, but they don't look comfortable. It's because when you see people getting in and out of them,

they're people who are in the hospital. So they're tender. I do like the thing that feeds you while you're asleep. That would be the IV. Yeah. Or like there's a separate IV for. Yeah. For comas, coma folk.

Yeah. I feel like. I don't know what. What do you eat if you're in a coma? Do they just put like applesauce into your veins? Fried chicken. It depends on the day. If it's Christmas, they'll grind up a ham.

Uh-huh. They'll put that in your bag. It just goes into your arm? Yeah. And you can watch it work its way through your face and your heart. You can watch it while you're in a coma? No, you can watch a loved one who's in a coma. You can track the ham.

Can you chew it for him? You're squeezing his veins. Yeah, I don't know. I don't. It's just, isn't it just like, you know, like protein and sugar water and stuff? Yeah, it's muscle milk. Yeah.

You wake up out of your coma, you're swole. Oh boy. Once you're like, you, you wake up from your coma, so you're woke and then you're swole. Oh, that would be so amazing. If you woke up from a coma, you're like, oh, stronger than when I went into coma. Should we change our name to Woken Swall and we'll be like a morning team? Yeah. One guy just like knows what's going on with social issues and the other one knows what's going on with protein.

Protein and kettlebells. Yeah. Oh, yeah. What are the hot new planking positions? What are the hot new kettlebell amounts? Weights? Yeah. Oh, six pounds.

Oof. Yeah. Great for tone. Not so great for bulk. Anyways, we'll be right back. And then we're going to add for muscle milk. Yeah. And the ACLU.

We take advertisers from both camps. Woke and Swole. We take advertisers from both camps. Woken Swole. You're listening to Woken Swole on PBS Public Access Radio. PBS does radio now? If only there was like a national public radio. Oh, well. Oh, well.

Yeah. I don't... I don't... I don't... Do you remember there was a show when we were kids called... I don't remember what it was called. It was about a kid being in a coma, and the whole show took place in his imagination. It was Canadian? Yeah, it was Canadian. Oh, boy.

It was called Coma Show? Yeah, Coma Kid. Wasn't there like... You know, was Ryan Gosling in it or something? Yeah, maybe. Or someone who became a famous? Yeah, and it was like, it wasn't, I want to say it was the Chronicles of something. Coma Boy.

Coma Boy, the Sleepy Chronicles. Coma. Coma Chameleon. TV show. Pascals. Coma. Coma Chameleon. TV show.

Coma Mo. We'll get there fast and then we'll take it slow. That's where we want. The Odyssey, it was called. The Odyssey. Yeah. And it starred Ryan Reynolds. Oh, Ryan Reynolds was the kid?

I picked the wrong. I don't know if he was the kid. He was in it. Wow. Yeah, I remember watching that show? I picked the wrong, I don't know if he was the kid. He was in it. Wow. Yeah, I remember watching that show and it freaked me out, man. Because it was all, he was like a kid in a coma for years, I guess. Oh, it starred both Ryan Reynolds as Macro and Devin Sawa as Yudo. Devin Sawa. Final Destination?

He was in those. Yeah. He was in Idle Hands as well Oh right With the debut of a young Jessica Alba Is that right? I didn't see this movie Seth Green was in it

There I know I've nailed the whole cast I've nailed the whole cast Oh boy I'm jealous Of two out of three anyway So what is What's going on with you huh oh not a heck of a lot i i was so uh last week on the show i had nothing going on with me and i felt so stupid oh no way you've got so much going i know here's what here's the funny thing that happened uh maybe not that funny but maybe kind of sad so my you got downgraded quite quickly there

my uh mother always asks me to update her podcasts she wants to listen to podcasts okay but she you know she has a dozen that she has on her computer and she has a super old ipod that you have to you can't download them directly to the ipod from the internet you need to go through oh you gotta plug it and uh and what type of podcast does she listen to she listens to her favorites are rate talk radio shows that are four hours long that then release four podcasts a day that are one hour long. I don't know if Dr. Laura does it. Used to be obsessed with that show. I think she thinks she likes a few other ones. But talk radio based.

I don't know if she ever listens to these. When I come over, she needs me to update it. And she wants to watch me so she can learn how to do it. Sure. Has never learned. And then this time she was like, Dave, I keep trying to update this one show. It won't update. And I, so I went and it was the show called the Dr. Joy Brown Show.

Okay. Which was a, I think she's a, an actual medical doctor with a, with a. Yeah. Yeah. Like I know the name. Yeah. Because she, I think she's also a talk radio. Yeah. Person.

And I, and she was like, yeah, it just won't. I, I, I do, I follow all the things to get it to update but it hasn't updated right um and so i go on there i go on to my mom's computer and then there aren't any new episodes since like april of 2015 and then i so i go to itunes to maybe maybe this feed has changed maybe she's syndicated by a different radio network now. Sure. And there's nothing listed under her name on iTunes. And so I tell my mother, oh, I don't think she does a show anymore. Like, it's not you.

Yeah, yeah. The podcast just isn't updating anymore. And my mom's like, no way. No way. She must be. Why would she stop doing her show? So I was like, all right. You know what? I haven't Googled it. Oh, she died. Yes. like, no way. No way. She must be. Why would she stop doing her show? So I was like, all right. You know what?

I haven't Googled it. Oh, she died. Yeah. Oh, no. I felt like that's what was coming. Like a year and a half ago. Uh, wow. And then, and your mom's the last to know, I guess.

And shocked. Oh, no. I thought it was hilarious because I figured out what why this show was yeah oh yeah she's dead and my mother the look on my mother's face was like her best friend died oh no so you should that was like her that was a fate a favorite i guess so yeah but not so favorite that she hasn't noticed that she's been dead for a year that's what was so funny to me i'm glad you get it not just a month no no no it's it is quite funny it's like um uh i don't know like it because 2016 had a lot of celebrities passing away. I didn't hear about it. Oh, well.

Did Abe Vigoda die? He did. I know, which is crazy. But there were a lot of people in that year that when they died, they weren't people that I had thought about for a long, long time. I mean, that doesn't mean anything. long time like i mean that doesn't mean anything but but like ever went to be sad all of a sudden from somebody that i'm like well i didn't you know and thought about debbie reynolds for yeah and i only found out debbie reynolds existed because carrie fisher died um is that right did you not know of course i've heard her name before i wouldn't i don't like old

movies yeah so that's true like that's yeah that's what she was and um but also like zhazha gabor is like well she she was very old yes it's not like someone was taken down in their prime no it's but uh yeah well she was almost 100 right she was almost 200. is that right yeah that's crazy yeah well that's's now I'm sad because she should have gone for three. If she cracked 200. She wasn't 200. She was almost 200. Oh, she was 100 what?

Idiot. But I don't even know. See, this is the thing, though, is I don't even know who Zsa Zsa Gabor is anymore. Yeah. I remember she was a punchline in like the early 90s yeah and she was one of the naked gun movies she comes out and slaps the police car and i was like as a kid being like well i don't understand i don't understand 100 that's a joke that holds up over time. Yeah, it was her.

And who else? She would have been on, like, tabloid covers a lot at the time. Yeah. With, like, you know, Tammy Faye Baker and Larry Fortensky. Was Larry Fortensky, did he marry, was he the guy with the mullet that married Elizabeth Taylor? The construction guy? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And then who was the guy that married Judy Garland's daughter? David Guest? Yeah, the guy who's obviously, he was a gay man. That had so much plastic surgery his face couldn't move? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That guy. Is his name David Guest? Yeah. And Liza Minnelli is the woman's name.

Thank you. Yeah, they were, I feel like they're people, Liza Minnelli, I only knew from tabloids until Arrested Development. Oh, yeah. And I was like, oh, okay, she's an actress. Yeah. She's good in that. She's so funny.

Like, that's the crazy thing is I'm like, oh, so this hilarious lady, I only knew that she was a tabloid fixture. Whereas Zsa Zsa Gabor, I'm not sure that she was anything but. Her sister was an actress. Green Acres? Green Acres Gabor, yeah. Yeah. Was that Ava Gabor? I guess.

Yeah. See, and that's, I don't i don't know man boy if i didn't like old movies try to get me to watch old tv i thought i was thinking about this like this morning is like okay green acres and beverly hillbillies was the same conceit but switched oh i don't i have known nothing of green So Green Acres is just a rich couple that moves to the country. Oh. And, you know, these poor people from the country moved to the city. Yeah.

And I was like, both of those shows really only have a season of. Gags. Well, yeah, because after that first year of being in the city, there's no new things that the city's going to. Oh, yeah. i guess if they're just all dumb yeah then they keep getting surprised by elevators and and combines sure like grain elevators in the one place and like a skyscraper elevators in the other um yeah it just feels like i don't know like it's fine for a movie, maybe? But it doesn't, but both of those shows ran for years.

You mean like Doc Hollywood? Yeah, Doc Hollywood. He was a doctor who went to the country and they had such weird body parts. And didn't he have a pet pig or something? Maybe Woody Harrelson had a pet pig. Not the doctor of Hollywood. No. Michael J. Fox.

I just, was he, oh wow. Yeah. I haven't thought about that movie in a long time. I think it was him. Yeah. He was a Doctor of Hollywood. Hot shot Doctor. Some sort of small town sexy lady.

I want to say Julie Warner. Whoa. Who dat? She was the love interest in Tommy Boy. Oh yeah. Could that have been her? Could be. You know what's weird is I was watching a clip from Time Cop, and the love interest in that is Ferris Bueller's girlfriend.

Oh, Mia Sara? Yeah. But I had never seen her in anything else except Ferris Bueller. Wasn't she in some horse movie? Some like where horses moved to the city i want to say it's something was she in like legend with tom cruise oh maybe it would have had to have been in that well although time cop was in the 90s ferris bueller was in the 80s uh i don't know i don't know i don't know she She could be like Phoebe Cates.

Maybe she owns a store. I was going to say Phoebe Cates. Maybe she's married to Kevin Kline. Yeah. She owned a knick-knack store in Manhattan. And, you know, we wish her the best. Sure. If she came back on television, that would be exciting.

Like, you know, if she made a comeback, I'd be for that. Phoebe Catesates stars in whatever yeah the gremlins show gremlins life yeah well there's no reason that gremlins is in a show or at least a remake every week these country bumpkins get fooled by gremlins they're stupid gremlin elevator i've heard of a grain line elevate the uh yeah but i don't know maybe it doesn't need to be remade no i think so i think you're right like more i don't know it was they, they were good. The gremlins? Yeah.

The first, the, the first one was good. Was it gremlins or grumblins? Groplins. Groplins? Groplins. Groplins?

Yeah. Like grope? Yeah. Yeah. So if you fed them after midnight, watch out. They'd fill your boob? Yeah. They'd squish your patoot.

Groplins. Um. Groplins finest.plands Finest. There was... And then there was a whole genre of movies in the 80s, because then there was your... Toilet Warriors. Yeah, the Toilet Boys. Drop Dead Frankie. Yeah, Booglins.

Underwater Tits. Yeah. Slimy guys. Yeah, the slime steams. What were the other ones in that genre? Ghoulies. Ghoulies. Was that the toilet monster?

I think that was the, yeah, the guy popping out of the toilet. And then there was, there's a guy who had like spiky hair. What was he called? Was he a goblin? Yeah, like a moglin. The maudlin moglins um ghoulies there was a geez louise i can't remember the other one but there's a huglies yeah the hughlies teal hugley um the gabor's and and finally critters that was the that was the one with the spiky hair critters the movie yeah uh and i met a guy what about monster squad is that related

monster squad was a bunch of teens that hung out with the classic monsters oh sure did they hang out with them or were they afraid of them? I can't remember. I know one of them had nards. That's all I know. I think, uh, yeah, they think they team up with Wolfman, Frankenstein, Mummy, Boglin, and Critter. It was a mess.

Um, you were saying? Uh, about Phoebe Cates? I don't know. I wish her the best. Oh, sure. Yeah. Um, the her the best oh sure yeah um the other thing i thought that was interesting the other day uh now a couple years ago we had nicki glazer on the show yes and uh the the thing that blew me away that i that i brought to that episode was i uh summer goths oh yeah summertime goth summertime goth goths. Oh, yeah. Summertime goths. Summertime goths. Goths who have to be dressed in goth stuff even when it's hot outside.

Enjoying a popsicle. Yeah. A black popsicle. Yeah. Or a really deep purple one would be fine. Yeah. A batsicle. And I love when goths have to be human.

Yeah. When they have to be like us. Yeah. And they don't get to live up in their high castles. And the other day at the grocery store, I saw a goth buying a huge thing of toilet paper. Yeah. Oh, man. There's nothing that brings you, there literally is nothing else as.

Pathetic. Yeah. Like, it just brings you down to the most kind of base level oh yeah it's literally the lowest common denominator and it's and the i don't know for me it's like uh why can't you buy black toilet paper black toilet paper or at least pumpkin themed you know pumpkin spice toilet paper do our cats into pumpkins well you know because of halloween i know what you're getting at but uh why why is the only uh choice of toilet paper that you buy huge amounts like it i understand it's convenient for people you got a car throw a huge amount of toilet

paper in there but the rest of us on the bus so good oh it just looks like that's all you do like oh look at that guy's man oh man and then you have to burn it when you're done with it yeah shrink it down well isn't that like in some some countries Why don't they throw it in a basket or something? I'm sure. Why don't they do that thing where you just add water? So the toilet paper comes in a tiny capsule. Yes. And if you think you might need it 24 hours from now, drop it in a thing of water. And then just use a giant dinosaur and flush that down the toilet.

Is it so hard? Yeah. And for goths, you could do a bat shape oh yeah you know uh i bet you is the tombstone was was it it was probably like a real nice one too like a quilted with the cute little uh pillows on it there's none there's no macabre toilet paper that's true but i wonder of the brands available which one's the most most macabre toilet paper. That's true. But I wonder, of the brands available, which one's the most... Most macabre? Yeah, like... It's not... I don't...

Now that I think of it, can I name a brand of toilet paper? Purex. Softel? Charmin. Charmin, right. Charmin, maybe. Charmin's the most sinister? Yeah, because that guy was always trying to squeeze it.

Oh, sure, and it's sort of like the TV show Charmed. Yep, there you go. He writes it, just fixes it in pen. Yeah, it's... It's about... That's a show about ghoulie ladies. Yeah, and you could buy... If he was buying cereal, he could buy, like, a Boo Berry.

Or a... Chocula. Yeah. He could buy, you know spooky zoodles i think they have that don't they maybe at halloween but do you do you think goths have to stock up on halloween canned goods to last through the year yeah and like uh fun scooby-doo toothpaste or black beans only those That's all those poor gods. I know. Or like the, you know,

only the spookiest Kinder Surprise eggs. Oh, yeah. Like, no, not as Kinder Surprises. They're Kinders. Scares. They're not fun.

There's something scary at Knife. You scared me. What's that guy? Maybe he's from Danzig? Is it Danzig? Might be. Is he a big, maybe he's from Danzig? Is it Danzig? Might be. Is he big, strong guy? Glenn Danzig?

There's like a photo of him like. Buying kitty litter? Yeah. Yeah. But kitty litter, even that's not as human as toilet paper. Right. Cause you're, you know, you are. Yeah.

There's like the cat involved in the cat is your master. Yeah. Yeah. Black cat. And, yeah, black cat. I keep him in, I'm going to pour this in a cauldron. My cat goes to the bathroom in a cauldron. Now that's a supermarket tabloid headline. Harrison Ford says, my cat goes to the bathroom in a cauldron.

Oh, no, Calista F go to the bathroom with a cold. Oh, no. Calista Flockhart has really changed him. Oh, Lord. What's going on with you? Well, yesterday, post podcast. You mean last week? Yeah, last week. They'll never know.

Very snowy. So I. You went sledding. I went sledding. You put on your puffy snow pants. I went and bought a secondhand walk and then I just slid down Main Street. But I had a drink with Caitlin uh, Caitlin Howden and then I went up to, uh, the little mountain and I borrowed the shovel from the convenience store next door and I shoveled. Oh man.

My, uh, I haven't done that in a long time. You shoveled the, the venues front. Yeah. Yeah. Just cause, uh, You had a show? I didn't have a show, but I was going up that way anyways, and I was like, I'll shovel. I'll do a little community shovel. Yeah, you just moved.

There's no... You got nothing else going on. But, oh, man. Like, you really should stretch before you do that show. You've been doing a lot of shoveling. You know. I've shoveled four times in 24 hours. Yeah. just keeps coming down you stretch before no oh your back hurt yeah okay so this so it hurts but like from just not using those muscles ever i didn't like

wrench it no i didn't wrench it either but i was like boy oh boy oh boy, I do not. I do not use those muscles. I guess core. I guess I don't have a core. Right. Well, you're more woke than swole these days. That's true. I'm hoping to swing the pendulum the other, push the pendulum because I'm so strong. Oh, yeah.

I'm woke and swole. Do they switch off which one's woke and which one's swole? Yeah, at the end of every year, they draw names out of a jar. And if they get the same one as the year before, they have to switch. So I guess the easier way would just be for them to switch. So either way, they have to switch. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, if I get swole again, then I have to be woke. But if I get woke, I have to be woke. Exactly. And then I walked a good chunk of the way home and I walked past. Was anyone there to witness you shoveling? Like any of the people from the venue? There were some passersby. But no, you couldn't have been like, like Ryan Beal wasn't there.

You couldn't have said, hey, I shoveled yours. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Caitlin was there. Oh, yeah. And then Oh yeah. Yeah. Caitlin was there. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Um, and then, uh,

yeah, so I walked, I was walking home and I felt, uh, I passed by, there's a graveyard up, uh, like way up the road. There'd be huge graveyard.

It's not so big, but you used a lot for a lot of, uh, movies and TV shows. They shoot a lot of stuff in there. A lot of golf, uh, toilet paper commercials. What would the mascot be?

Cause you know, there's that little bear. A bat. A bat that, does he fly to you with toilet paper? Yeah. His talons, claws, whatever. Guana piece of toilet paper. Hey everybody, it's Guano the bat. Yeah. Ho, Guana piece of toilet paper. Hey, everybody.

It's Guano the bass. Yeah. Ho, ho, ho. Who's spook? But there was, I don't know, a movie that was shooting up there and... In the snow? Yeah. They weren't shooting, but everybody was sitting in the trucks.

You're right, because no way they could have planned on shooting a scene in the snow. But why didn't they send everybody home? The snow wasn't going to melt. So all these people were just sitting in their trailers and standing around on the street. And it was cold, and it was dark. And it just reminded me of when I used to do that. I used to be a PA. And then they would just sometimes.

Be you. Yeah. They just wouldn't let you go. They'd just be like, well, we've got you until X amount of time. And they wouldn't even pay you. Well. No, they paid you. They paid you for your time?

Yeah. But yeah, it's a weird. Like, you'd have all these people why would you keep them around it seemed weird it seemed weird because somewhere there's a like a best boy who's like oh we're gonna like this somehow so it looks like there's not snow everywhere yeah maybe they were brushing off the graves and making an area not snowy and shooting that. Maybe. Maybe that's what they were doing. I couldn't see, but it just seemed like a lot of people sitting in cold trailers. But for what?

What are they making? New episodes of Riverdale? They shoot that here? Yeah. Have you watched it? No, because I just haven't had time. But also, it's supposed to be, like, sexy? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, like the comics. Yeah. Except Archie's doing it with Grundy. With like Miss Grundy. Who plays Grundy? It's CGI. It's just Andy Serkis.

I don't know. I think Grundy's supposed to be sexy in this uh-huh show i don't know i haven't seen it but i know that it's like not goofy is anyone not sexy because grundy i mean weatherby is is the uh prince principal yeah or he's just a teacher yeah he, he was the principal. And he, I don't know if he's sexy. I saw a picture of Grundy. She's sexy. Jughead is sexy. And he was never traditionally sexy.

No, no. I mean, look. Arch. I guarantee you we have listeners who are like, I was into Jughead. Oh, yeah. But Archie and Betty and Veronica, that's always been sexy. Even, well, I mean, Archie, Betty, Veronica. Who's the jerk? Reggie. Reggie. Yeah. Moose?

They're all Speaking of swole. Sure. Oh yeah. Who's the most woke member of Riverdale? Not Mr. Lodge. Oh no, certainly not. Baby Dilton, the scientist kid.

I think probably Betty. Oh, yeah. She was always volunteering and, yeah, into causes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Betty. I don't know.

Like, Archie is a hard to define quantity because he's not good at anything. Well, I guess he leads the band, the Archies. Although, how does... How did he convince them to call themselves that? And how does Veronica and Betty exist in a band when they're constantly fighting over a boy that's the lead singer of the band? I don't know. I mean, you want to stay in the band to be close to the boy.

Yeah, that's true. But there were other handsome boys in River. They all had the same face. So maybe that was the problem, that Archie was the only one with a different face. Like, I don't know what Veronica had over Betty at at all because they had the same face they had the same body yeah betty was nice yeah betty was nice veronica was rich so but when was archie ever like cool let's go to louis vuitton i'll throw the bags in the back of my gelato exactly yeah that's true he was never

A money grubber I feel like Reggie was But then sometimes Veronica and Reggie would be Dating oh boy I hated when you Would get an Archie comic And you They weren't canon No god no so like in this situation These people are paired up but like

Two pages ago Yeah and then two pages. In the Jughead comic, bubble trouble. Also, it would be like one comic was Archie has an iPhone, and then the next one he's driving a jalopy with a raccoon tail on the antenna, and you're like, well, what? What I love about this is you've been reading Archie in the last 10 years. Yeah, of course.

Great, great for anybody's bathroom. You read a quick, you know, like you said, bubble trouble. And I didn't differentiate. I would just buy whatever was at the checkout. Right. Because like if it was a Betty and Veronica or an Archie or whatever, like, I didn't know the difference. He'd get a double digest. Except a Betty and Veronica would have a fashion spread.

Oh, yeah. And it would be pretty up to date. Yeah, that's true. They would put them in grunge wear. Oh, yeah. Archie survived a lot of different uh movements because they've been around since what 50s 20s oh probably i don't know did archie uh join the war effort yeah sure yeah uh but uh- that's the other thing it's like they haven't

uh gotten better but they haven't got worse they're still the same recent one you've read i read one at christmas uh i got one in a stocking so it was a jughead double digest oh wow and what did he what's the most uh like modern thing he ate oh yeah uh he ate a few some sort of thai fusion oh wow yeah um uh but yeah he uh it's all the same like it's not, they haven't invented new, although there's a gay guy now. Oh, okay. That's in the, and his name is something, something. Sure. Like, Gal Grayson or Jiminy Jilligers.

But yeah. Is he in the sexy Riverdale? I don't know. I wonder if Dilton or, there's other, like, other like characters that they would like bring in just for a comic. Yeah. But they would be in every few comics. Like Dilton was around. But only when they needed like an invention.

Yeah. Like he wouldn't like you wouldn't ever see just Dilton stars in. Was Jughead into Midge? No, he hated Midge. Midge was into Jughead. Okay. Was, who was Ethel? Oh, no.

Midge, sorry. Midge was with Moose. So Midge was always trying to fuck Reggie. Oh, Reggie was trying to fuck Midge. Yeah. And Moose was getting mad. Yeah. Moose would always be like.

Did anyone... Fuck! I don't remember that. Well, that's what I mean is that's what Riverdale is filling in those blanks. Oh, I'd like to see what happens with Midge. But is there any... I guess since we haven't watched it, we can't talk about it. But I wonder if there's any of that sort of like Archie comic, lighthearted.

Or if it's all just intense. Yeah, or like one episode. Dry humping. They go to the beach and then the next episode they're investigating a haunted house. You think there's no canon in this? No, and then the next episode they're playing a gig.

Well, the Zack attack was like that in Saved by the Bell. That's true. They only had, well no, they had three or four episodes where they were the Zack attack was like that in Saved by the Bell. That's true. They only had, well, no, they had three or four episodes where they were the Zack attack. I only remember the one that took place like as a documentary. Yeah. But were there other gigs? They would have just a gig one night? Yeah, I think they played the school dance the night that Zack and Kelly broke up, which was weird because Zach needed to be.

He wasn't even on stage when they were playing their goodbye song, Did We Ever Have a Chance. Right. Wasn't it just Jesse and Slater? Maybe. Maybe singing to each other. Maybe Lisa and Screech were up there as well. Yeah, Screech was a keyboardist. Lisa was a keyboardist.

Screech was a DJ. Screech just stood up there and skanked? No, I think Lisa was a bass player. Oh, that's right. Yeah. And Slater was drums? Yeah. Yeah.

Except on that song. What are you saying? And then Jessie wasn't in the Zack Attack in the documentary. She wasn't in that episode at all. Oh, really? Caffeine pills. She died. Oh. So that... i wonder if that was one of those because they were in a bunch of bands because that band yeah caffeine pills band the girl caffeine pills five that would be a pretty good name yeah they were called hot sunday oh right yeah and then there was a band where they were like a doo-wop guys and they

were called the four aces right was that zach and the gang they were four aces was that just for a particular gig or they were always that that was yeah for a particular gig and then they were also in the school band oh yeah uh where they wrote the school song and uh but it much like riverdale is just they were the popular kids and we just only saw the popular kids exploits yeah except somehow screech was in with them and he was obviously not popular jughead he's the jughead he's the jughead no one say jugheads asexual that was that was the big kind of reveal a couple years ago that he's not. That's how he identifies. But apparently in this Riverdale show, he gets it on.

It's a shame because that knows. Right? Think about it, ladies. That was the thing is I think Ethel looked exactly like Jughead. So what's that about? You tell me. Yeah, that was the thing is I think Ethel looked exactly like Jughead. Uh-huh. So what's that about? You tell me. What's that about?

Get the same actor to play both on that TV show. Yeah, get yourself a guy who can do both. Is that a thing? Did I say that right? Yeah, you said it right. And then just a picture of Jughead and Ethel. With going on and with coming up. Yeah, pretty good. Do you want to move on

to Overhearts? Yeah. Or maybe we have a bit of business. Oh, maybe. Time will tell. Life can be fun. Don't get carried away.

You got to do the things you don't want to do to get through the day. You got to shine your shoes. You got to sweep the floor. You got to clean your house. You got to do some more. Take care of business. This episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself is supported in part by Squarespace. Make your next move with Squarespace. Now, what is Squarespace, Graham? If you want to design a website, back in the old days, you used to have to go to the one guy in town who knew how to make websites.

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and uh love you love you were the last two words of that oh that was from you that's you said that that wasn't in the message chandelier now uh graham yeah if anyone out there would like a jumbotron message what they need to do is go to maximumfun.org slash jumbotron let's move on to overheard let's do it hello Hello, and welcome to PodPhone. What type of podcast are you looking for? You have chosen funny podcasts about bad movies. Rated R.

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Why would you listen to a podcast of TV pilots that never got made? It must not have been any good, right? I don't know for a fact that anyone read it. They couldn't get the deal done. It was kind of a regime change. Someone at the studio who was in a decision-making capacity said, these guys seem like losers. They just blamed it on, okay, well well it must be women we got word that

usa had decided to stop doing comedy why aren't we making this it was so good here the tv comedies you never got to see on the dead pilot society podcast listen on maximumfund.org or wherever you download podcasts mode podcasts overheard overheards oh we hear them all right and then we share them and then we scare them oh it's got toilet paper gtp oh happy halloween from me guano the bat oh wow so many different voices Now, do you want to start overheard? Should I start overheard? I'll start it

Okay Let's not, you know, change anything Yeah, yeah, yeah It goes swole, then woke Woke Okay I wonder if my overheard is more swole than woke Oh no, it's woke.

Mine's totally swole. This, yesterday I was having coffee in a coffee shop with a friend. Nice. And we were sitting next to, oh, I don't think my friend was there yet. So, he was dropping on this table next to me. And there was a couple. And they were sitting across from this one guy and he was a wedding photographer. Oh, yes.

And he had like a book of photos that you, you know, trying to, you know, here's what we could do for your wedding. Yeah. And that's a thing you have to do when you get married, I guess. We didn't. Did you? No, we just knew. We had a friend of a friend who's like i'll do it for this much right oh that's cheap so that's what we did and it was great that's pretty

good yeah yeah uh oh having to meet oh and like my sister makes wedding cakes so we didn't have to like meet with wedding cake people although the wedding cake people meeting you get to sit there and eat a lot of cake unlike the photographer thing you don't get to take a lot of pictures but or i've been led to believe by watching like four weddings that you get to sit down and they are like here's 10 different types of cake sure try and say yes to the dress you get to try on a bunch of dresses yeah and we we didn't do a lot of that as i recall anyway um this couple uh the photographer was a young asian man this comes into play sure because i'm racist and i like to point these things out um no uh he he so he was talking to the couple and uh the woman said so how did you

you get from you started off in science how did you get to photography and he said well like all asian parents and i assumed he was gonna say like my parents wanted me to to have a stable job in a respected field but he went the other direction like all asian parents uh mine are real camera enthusiasts ah yeah which is a stereotype i had not heard before well uh you know what add it to the list that's what i say in my giant list of stereotypes. Yeah, I guess. I mean, the big thing when I was growing up is you would go to Banff. Oh, and there would be Japanese tourists. Japanese tourists taking

so many photos. And, you know, I of course take this for granted because if I went to Japan, I would also take pictures of things that they were like, why is he taking a picture of our toilet sign? Because I'm like, it's so hilarious to me.

And we would always be like, why are they taking pictures of this thing that says like slippery when wet or whatever? But it's like, maybe it's super funny. Yeah. We don't think our slippery when wet signs are funny. We don't know. We don't know how that translates in other cultures i was gonna make a joke about the album slippery when wet but i couldn't remember who did it bon jovi van halen oh maybe it is bon jovi i know it was named after

a sign at a strip club from here in town oh wow like oh i mean when i say when i think of it in that context it was i think yeah the number five orange had a sign outside the slippery when wet yeah the number five orange that place real weird only been in there as a uh as a pa for a music video shoot. So I've never seen it as a club. Have you seen Deadpool? Yeah. It's in that, isn't it? Yeah. It's like, but it's, yeah, it's just the bar.

Yeah. With its own name. And yeah, and its own logo. They didn't change anything for it. I guess what could you write that would be a weirder name than the number five orange which i don't know why it's called that i'm sure there's some lore horror lore yeah i'm swole they're dancers i know i'm just you know apparently there's a uh a strip club on granville street that's like the old-timey

burlesque, but it's like a full-time strip club dedicated to that. On Granville Street? Yeah. It's called the Granville Strip. I've never been there. But you like old-timey things. Absolutely. And you like boobies. Yeah. And they do, you know, like the swinging on the giant ring and the sex. Oh, at the Moulinies. Yeah. And they do, you know, like the swinging on the giant ring and the sex. Oh, at the Moulin Rouge. Yeah, yeah. That kind of like.

Do they insist on like period appropriate physiques? I don't know. Like no, you know, plastic surge? Or no, you know, crazy covered in tattoos. Although there were the tattooed lady that Gretel Marx sang about. There's no muscle milk allowed. Yeah. Do I have to have a period physique?

Because I do. Yeah, but I think you don't have to, like, wear a suit or anything. I think you can still go in there and look like a dirtbag. Aw. Well, you got to draw the line somewhere, you know? And the clientele, you don't want them to not go because they only wear a pair of sweats, right? I don't want it.

I know. Just like just a thin pair of sweatpants between a stripper and a guy's weird unwashed wiener. But it would be weird if you went to a strip club and they were like you watched that thing yeah uh you know they give you a tie like at a fancy restaurant i think

it would be great it would be nice it would be nice but you know i guess the problem is guys in suits would be like would have modern suits they wouldn't be like old-timey vaudeville suits. They'd be in suits with no sleeves that show off their guns. Yeah, just the shiniest suits. Graham. Yes. Did you do an overheard? No.

Mine's a combo overseen overheard from yesterday while I was. From yesteryear. Yeah. And when men would wear ties to the strip club. I was waiting for a bus and there was a not so young man, not young enough that I felt like this was acceptable. So he was probably my age, but it was a snowy day he was making snowballs he was throwing snowballs at traffic that's not a thing is it i think once you have a once you're old enough to drive a car you realize how terrifying it would be if a snowball came out

of nowhere yeah and so this guy was whipping snowballs all over the place and then an even older person older lady she walked by and i thought she was gonna chastise chew them out she said good arm yeah so i mean i guess that was kind of fun like we're all in the spirit community but uh i had not seen seen that Since maybe I was a kid doing it Throwing Yeah Balls at cars But like you say

Once you have driven a car You're like Oh that's not acceptable Just like a thud Happened on your Like Did I Who did I hit

Yeah Or yeah You're just about to turn And then just All of a sudden Something hits your windshield No Not cool

Not cool man Not cool, man. Not cool, 30-year-old guy. He was, yeah. And he was with a girl. Maybe he was trying to impress her. Was she dumb? Was she dumb? Yeah, she was dumb.

She was probably impressed. Yeah, she had moved from the country. I ain't never seen one of your gray city snowballs. That's a good name for a band, too city snowballs what was the one we came up with earlier uh something pills uh i can't remember was this okay sort of pill i forget guano the bat my reggae band um now we also have overheards my goth reggae band. What are they called? Guan of the Bat? Guan of the Bat. Hey, everybody.

Happy Halloween. No, wait. That's not reggae, is it? What is that I was doing? Just the monster mash. Oh, boy. We have overheards sent in to us from people around the world. If you want to send one in to us, you can can send it into SPY at MaximumFun.org.

And this first one comes from Zach in Seattle. I was, this is an overheard from a bookstore. I was walking down an aisle and a man was on the phone. I heard him tell the person we could always get him the

make a baseball fun again hat. So these are Trump, Trump themed, uh, hats. I feel like that for a brief time replaced stay calm and keep on. Oh yeah.

What is it? Stay calm and stay calm. Keep on, keep on keeping on. Yeah. Stay calm. Watch. Keep it tuned

To the chive Yeah What is the chive? I don't know, but people love To chive on They love chiving on But yeah, make a something something Make pizza sauce again

This next one Comes from Emmy pizza sauce again. This next one comes from Emmy in Durham, North Carolina. Oh, hi, Emmy. Hi, Emmy. My husband and I... In North Carolina. She's probably like

never seen an elevator, right? Oh, totally. Oh, man. Emmy, just so you know, when you get in an elevator Turn around Because we don't face that way

We face the place we're going to get out Yeah and don't press every button On the thing even though it looks really pretty And it's just a box That moves you up and down It's not a witch Yeah it will move you up and down But not forward through time

Well a little bit But it won't move you up and down But not forward through time Well, a little bit Yeah, you're right But won't move you back through time No So my husband and I were eating at a pizza restaurant And there was a family with two kids And pizza is like a It's like a flat

It's like a flat circle like time But with a little bit of time in it Do you put time on a pizza? Yep. I'm going to make my sauce of time. Oh, yeah, absolutely. You make your own pizza sauce? Oh, yeah.

From scratch? Oh, yeah. We call it gravy. Oh, right. You got to stir that gravy. Otherwise, it gets lumpy. You got to have somebody constantly stir in the gravy. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

Wooden spoon, never metal. Of course. And, you know, just stir, stir, stir, stir. And meanwhile, I'll make sure the drugs get packed so that, you know, that my wife can go to the airport and we won't get busted by the FBI. Karen. Yeah, Karen. We're eating at a pizza restaurant.

We're still listening to this one? Yeah. There were two kids sitting at the next table over. One of the kids, maybe about eight, wanted some of his older brother's pizza. Younger brother. Sharing is caring. That's from the military. Older brother.

What are you talking about? That's from Care Bears. I don't think it's from either. I don't think. Did the Care Bears have an army? Yeah, and they would blast their bellies. Their asses? Yeah.

Oh, okay. Were they called the Care Bear Army? Yeah. The Care Bear Militaire? Yeah. But they didn't have a slogan sharing his caring. It was be all you can be in the Care Bear Army. Yeah, we do more caring before 5 a.m most people do all day army of one

yeah semper fi um i don't yeah sharing is caring is just generic yeah that's just like maybe maybe it's maybe barney yeah it's uh you know don't rush when you brush. I just made that one up and it totally works. Keep calm and carry on for the chive. Yeah. Chive on and chive on. Chive out and chive on. Don't drink and drive. Chive.

Arrive alive. Arrive fully chived. I'm not sure. I'm going to look up what chive is and I bet you it's something gross. The chive? Yeah. I bet you the chive. It's a website.

Yeah, but it's got, what is it, got gross things on it? I think it's maybe like booby ladies. Oh, all right. Which I think are gross. Well, I was in an old time club, and I found out I liked them quite a bit. Oh, okay. One more overheard from you? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay. Oh, okay. One more overheard from you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. This one, for sure, is from Sarah M. She's from here. She's a local.

Hi, Sarah. Just came home from a visit with family on the island. I don't know why I'm doing this character. Just came home. The ferry was full of young parents and kids, many people with toddlers on their hips while pulling one or two other kids by hand. Lots of

cuteness, but also kids having fits. In the cafeteria, one mom was locked in a battle with her son, who was about four. Oh, this't the one that's this the one after this uh it was start again yeah okay so on the ferry lots of chaos lots of parents dragging their kids around uh this is uh in the washroom in the the cubicle. Cubicle? That's their word. I don't think it's a cubicle.

In the washroom, it's a pubicle. And I overhear, okay, don't eat my hair. That's weird. Yeah. Kids explore the world with their mouth, like a puppy. That's true, yeah. And just such sharp little teeth, like a puppy, too. It's weird that babies get a first set of teeth that are super sharp and then they get regular, just rounded off adult teeth.

Why is that, do you think? I guess so they learn not to bite so much. Oh, I get it. So like they realize that they're doing damage and it socializes them. Do you think also it's because we feed babies so much raw meat? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. But it's like we do that just to attract predators.

Dingos. To attract predators. Yeah, because how else is your baby going to get strong but to fight off a predator? That's true. Yeah. Yeah, it's a weird relationship predator and prey have. Because sometimes the predator has become the prey.

Oh, absolutely. The hunter has become the hunted. Yeah, like that movie Predator versus Alien. All of a sudden, he was being predated upon. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. So are we done?

I'm just going to quickly chive on, and then I have to get over to my phone, because I'm going to play us some phone calls. Oh, cool. Now, in addition to overheards that are written, and we also accept your phone calls, if you would like to call us, it's perfectly natural for you to want to talk to us. You don't get to talk to us. You just call and leave a message. We play the phone calls. It's a segment we like to call Momentous Occasion.

What you do is you dial 1-844-779-7631. That's one. SpyPod 1. Like these people have. Hi, Stop Podcasting Yourself. This is Natalie in Austin, Texas. And I was eating at a Torchy's Tacos

with my boyfriend. And I was very crowded. And I was walking past this group of like college age boys who are all hovered over their chips and queso and their phone. And one of them was like, no, no, no, you need to focus right now.

You're too high. And then I walked away but stop playing with your queso just eat it what is queso cheese like a melted cheese like a fondue like a mexican fondue oh chips and a fondue oh that'd be nice that'd be real nice instead of having to dunk something in just scooping up a a bunch. That's what I call fusion. That's the kind of fusion cuisine I wanted. Yeah, Mexican fondue. Just like a fountain.

Yeah, and then you just catch it on a tortilla. You just bring in the tortilla like a... I mean, I'm just... I've heard people talk about queso. I assume it's a melted cheese of Texas. Yeah. But I can only imagine the like 7-eleven cheese pump cheese that's what was the place called cha cheese tacos what did you call

it cheese taco or cheese don't know never heard of it four cheese tacos four oh delicious oh boy the maximum numbers of cheese yeah it would you know what I would put in there? A Oaxacan cheese. I would put in, you know, a queso. For sure. With Parmesan. Yeah, and that one that's just like milk and vinegar that I turned into cheese. Yeah, one of those. Gross cheese. Okay, here's your next phone call.

That's a thing though, right? Like it, you's your next phone call. That's a thing, though, right? Like, it looks like feta. Yeah, it's just like a cube. Yeah, cube. Cubicle cheese. Hi, Dave Graham and lovely guest. No! From Portland, Oregon.

I am calling in with an overheard that I caught at Ikea yesterday. So I was wandering through. I heard one lady say to her boyfriend, you seem awfully obsessed with autoerotic asphyxiation today not just today well walking through Ikea there's so many opportunities yeah it's true

and you're like oh yeah I could really hang myself off of that attach myself to this thing with a flurp to a glurp well I glurp my swole

it's tough man if that's your thing it's like every time Well, I glurped my swole. It's tough, man. If that's your thing, it's like every time you're just riding that razor's edge. Yeah, do it with a partner or at least a webcam. Yeah, exactly. At least, at the very least, you can do is put it on webcam. So that, what, for safety? Just, mom, don't watch this, but if you don't hear me in the next five minutes, call the cops.

Do not chime on. Here's your final overheard of 2017. Hi, Dave. Hi, Graham. Hi, guest. No. You might be there. Yes. Sam from Boston calling in for a quick overheard I was sitting in the coffee shop

And a mother and her probably 7 or 8 year old daughter Sitting right next to me The daughter says, Mama Mother says, Yes Daughter says, When will I be old enough to watch Charmed? When does a girl first watch Charmed? 13? Yeah.

14, something like that? I mean, I think maybe like 1998. Yeah, that's true. That might be a little early, actually. So, Charmed, Shanna Doherty? And Rose McGowan, and a third one. Wasn't Alyssa Milano one of them? How many sisters?

I thought Rose McGowan joined later in Charmed. I'm sure. Charmed? Yeah. Rose McGowan. I wonder what she's up to. Today. She fine. Is that what you were going for? I just wonder what she's up to. Today. She fine.

Yeah. Is that what we were going for? I just wonder if she's, you know, chiving on. Who's chiving on? Stop it. It did have Shannon Doherty. Yeah. Holly Marie Combs.

Don't know that. She... Oh, from Charm. She was married to Puff Daddy. Oh, right. Alyssa Milano and Rose McGowan. I don't know if they She was married to Puff Daddy. All right. Alyssa Milano and Rose McGowan. I don't know if they were all on at the same time. Four sisters with magic powers.

How did the rest of that go? Four sisters with magic powers. How did the rest of it go? Yeah, yeah, yeah. From Charm. Four sisters with magic powers. Sitting around a cauldron and all they want

is a potion so they can find a man Wiccan sisters that's right as soon as you were singing it I remember you remembered it slightly after I yeah it was

very but like pretty quick pretty quick pretty quick um so charm is brought to you by charmin and charmin's brought to you by guano the bat yeah man you keep on wiping it up uh well i guess that's the end of this episode. Yeah. Yeah. I think this episode was a success. Oh, absolutely. We came up with a classic character.

Yeah. Guano the bat who brings you black toilet paper for your dark, dark butthole. Uh, and, uh, we got to the bottom of what is the chive? Yeah. And everybody out there, I wish what is the chive. Yeah. And everybody out there. I wish you to keep chiving on. While remaining calm. Yeah.

As we mentioned at the beginning, we will be live for an episode of the Biltmore Cabaret in Vancouver, February 23rd. Tickets for that are on the internet. We will be live for an episode March 4th in Banff, Alberta. Tickets for that are on Ethernet. Yeah. They're on a local area network in some guy's office. And then July 8th will be in Toronto. I don't know about tickets for that.

It's going to be hot there, though. So everybody bring a fan or a cool drink. Bring a fan for us. Bring a little fan to point at us. Oh, that would be the best if everybody showed up with those little novelty fans. Nice. And speaking of novelty,

you know it would be novel, heading over to MaximumFun.org. Check out the blog recap. Pictures and videos relating to the content of this podcast. Picture of Charmed. Yeah. Cast of Charmed. Sexy Riverdale. Oh, boy. Midge. No, we're not doing multiple. to this podcast picture of charmed yeah cast of charmed sexy riverdale oh boy uh midge madge no we're not doing multiple artsy things um uh uh you know a goth oh what's his

name danzig buying kitty little oh sure yeah you know who would be a good sexy grundy who is uh judy greer that's like some real perfect cast. Yeah. Yeah. But I think they're not even trying to go. I don't even know if Archie's a redhead in it. I bet it's a guy with a bad, bad fake red. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Like dyed like the prodigy or something. Like real bright red. No. Just a bad red wig. Yeah. I don't know. Or like just a bad dye job yeah

yeah it's I haven't I should probably watch it it does sound like it's right up my alley exactly yeah and thanks so much

for listening and we'll see you next week here on Stop Bugging Yourself Stop by and see yourself.