Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 469 - Kevin Lee

Episode Date: March 13, 2017

Improviser Kevin Lee returns to talk heart surgeries, Sunday funnies, and drunk Netflix.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 469 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who up until like a minute ago had a babe in arms, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, and I was going to record the podcast with a baby in my arms. And my policy was going to be if she starts freaking out, we'll stop.

I'll go hand her off and before we could even get started. She didn't even like the prep. She didn't even like I left too much prep to the last minute She doesn't want me testing microphones Putting up the sheets And our guest today, returning guest to the podcast Very, very funny comedian and a member of the Sunday service, Mr. Kevin Lee. Hello.

Hello. Hi, Kevin. How's it going? Good. Good. How are you? I'm well. Good.

Oh, gosh. Oh, no. Oh, gosh. Oh, no. It's starting already. So well, guys. Should we get to know us? Yes.

Get to know us? Yes. Get to know us. Now, before we get to Kevin, we just wanted to let everyone know that next week is the beginning of the Max Fun Drive. It'll be two weeks of mirth, mayhem, donations. Yeah. You bring, you donate to us, you get presents. Yeah. Christmas comes twice a year if you're a MaxFun donor. So, and everybody loves Christmas, right?

Except Starbucks. So, next week and the following week, MaxFunDrive. There. Done. Did it. Kevin. Hi, Kevin. Hi.

Hi, guys. How have you been? Nice obligation. Crossing offing. I'm fine. How are you been? Nice obligation. Crossing offing. I'm fine. How are you guys? No, no, no. Let's focus on you.

Yes. You've had a big year. Mm-hmm. You know. Full-sized. Yeah, yeah. Full-sized year. Yeah, not a fun-sized year.

Full-size. You're no longer Vancouver Swing in a single. Oh. Yeah, I was swinging single any time in my life. How do you need to, what swings about a single? When you go to a party, show up with whoever, you leave whoever. It's couples who swing. So how does a single swing?

Sometimes I think a couple can get with a single and then they can have a. Bit of a triangle. How do you do? Christian Swingle. Yeah. I feel like a swinging single is always walking around with a bit of that like hi-hat into their footsteps. You know what I mean? Yeah. Absolutely.

Could be like Birdman. Like, yes, exactly. But less totally shitty. Excuse me. That was the best picture that year. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or was it La La Land? Oh, controversial.

They got by on a technicality because it's called Best Picture and it was all one shot. Yeah. Was it all one shot? No. It was supposed to look like it was all one shot. The Academy don't know. You think they investigate this shit? Yeah, it was one shot.

I'm pretty sure it was one shot. Like the wannabe video. That would be just like, ah, so much rehearsal. And then if it's just like one thing is out of place, you're like, all right, back to the very beginning of the movie. The goat missed his line.

How many times the drummer just went like, nope, nope. Sorry, start again. They do the music a lot. He's just live. Just off screen. It's one everything. One take.

There have been movies that are one shot. Oh yeah. Yeah. But I don't know. I think you're supposed to watch them high. Transformers,

Rise of the Robot Man. Yeah. Yeah. Dark Side of the One Take. Yeah. Following Mark Dark Side of the One Take? Yeah. Following Mark Wahlberg around. Insufferable Director?

What? Who? Michael Bay? Yeah. I don't know. So whoever does the one shot, it's like, okay, I get it. You're very good.

You're very good at placing elements. You'd be really good at one of those big domino things. Yeah. Like, oh, whoop-dee-doo. Someone had a weekend. Was it the same guy who did Birdman also did The Revenant? Yes.

I didn't even bother. I didn't bother. It looked like punishment. It's like a Liam Neeson movie, but pretentious. It's like The Grey. Because he's like, I gotta get revenge for being backstabbed against a guy who barely speaks English. It's basically a Liam Neeson movie. Who barely speaks English in it?

Tom Hardy? Yeah. He barely speaks English in all of his roles. He is pretty grunty. Yeah. Although there's one movie called Locke where it's just him talking. Is it good? Is that the one about Bronson?

Yeah. But yeah, I watched that movie because the picture is him driving in a car. And I was like, oh, cool. And that's literally the whole movie. It's him talking on a car phone to uh different people in a car and you're like i like that that sold the movie for you though you're like tom hardy what is he in a car all right yeah that's pretty good all right cool i'm in doesn't need more than that um now uh you were a swinging single oh i was yeah you were a Vancouver swing and a dick. A swing and a dick. A big swing and dick. Yeah.

Yep, getting caught in doors. On the bus doors. Yeah, escalators were off. Yeah, a lot of people behind me in the seats on the bus kicking it forward back between my legs. Get this. You know when people with their hair comes over the edge of the seat? You would just throw it over your shoulder. Like a continental soldier.

comes over the edge of the seat. You would just throw it over your shoulder? Like a continental soldier? I'd lock eyes with a continental soldier at the front of the bus and he'd be both nod. That's how you do it. Sometimes you would forget it on the roof of a car and drive off. Hey, man, you're dead! I'd be like, thank you!

Waving, not realizing. Pulling it in. Oh boy. Nope, got realizing. Pulling it in. Oops. Oh, boy. Yeah. Nope, got that. Got it all. That must be rough. What, having such a gigantic penis?

There's a video circulating a couple weeks ago. So anyway, you can donate to the show starting next week. More of this. There's a guy in India, and he goes past his knee. Uh-huh. World's longest. And he has it all in like... He has a name. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, Lucille. His eyes are up here, Graham. But he has to cover it in socks because it keeps clanging against his knees and stuff. So it's the sound that's the problem. Like, clang, clang, bing, bong. Angel's getting wings all over the place. God's like, stop it. Angel's getting wings all over the place.

Yes. Doctor said you should have a surgery to shorten it. And he's like, nope. No way, man. I've got elastic bands. Just put some kinks in it and spams it off. Yeah. It's like a no way man i've got elastic bands just puts a bunch of kinks in it yeah it's like a snake swallowing an egg so so that's you yeah so that's what's been going on with you um yeah i got so yeah i got married

in may yeah of last year which was fun after how long an engagement um it was since the august before so it was a pretty short engagement uh comparatively it was a thing where we were planning to do it like a year out and then as we were planning and thinking about it it just became a thing we're like you know what fuck it let's just do it as soon as possible yeah let's do it anywhere with whoever is available at the time planning sucks yeah planning. This big old dick sucks. It's your best man. It's like different strings like attached to it. Like a pole to make it look like he's talking.

When Kevin and I were in elementary school. Going on tour like with Jeff Dunham next year. Yeah. It. Yeah. So we kind of pushed it up really fast. Your dick? All right. The MaxFunDrive is coming up real soon, guys. So, yeah, we had it sooner,

which was a good idea. A good and bad. Bad because it kind of put a lot of family on edge where they're just like, we need to plan. We need advance notice and stuff, which is fair, but it's also like, oh, well, if you love us. You'll drop everything.

Where was kind of the furthest point that family had to come in? And what was the follow-up question before you answer that one? What ended up being the actual amount of notice? It ended up being probably like six months like our how many six but may uh 30 days has september april november how many days the fifth month no it was before december okay it was probably actually it's probably pretty close it was probably like four four to five months tops so it was pretty tight for a wedding invitation sure um but but it's not four to five days yeah

nothing like that it wasn't like we're getting married next week at that sizzler out in poco you gotta come out come if you can if not not send money but it was um yeah it's a really good time we had we had uh the ceremony out at um i think it's called ferguson point quickly forget none of these things somewhere in stan Stanley Park by the tea house, which was nice, and dinner, nice restaurant downtown. So do you have to, because I remember a friend getting married on the beach

and you have to get a permit or something. Did you have to do that? Yeah. Oh, brother. So we showed up and there was one wedding clearing out and we're like, more love. My love is real. Was it really another one wrapping it up?

Yeah. Wow. It's like soccer games. We got the field at 3.30, you guys. They're putting all the wedding stuff in one of those big nets. In the net bags. They're just chucking a bunch of orange slices into a bush. I'm like, we could have.

It's fine. We'll just set our own up. I'm like we could have it's fine we'll set our own up what's the process do you just email city hall and say I want to

get married in the park yeah and like in classic fashion I'm like emailing and I'm asking him like 30 questions and he's like yeah send money

and we'll book it for you God okay I guess it's not a big deal yeah just try not to step on any of the endangered species in the park

yeah like the gentleman who was sleeping on a bench nearby during the whole thing oh really yeah I guess it's not a big deal. Yeah. Just try not to step on any of the endangered species in the park. Yeah. Like the gentleman who was sleeping on a bench nearby during the whole thing. Oh, really? Yeah. It was nice. It was fine. He was sure.

He was sleeping. Did you decorate him? Could you ever? Put him in a suit. I blocked him with my penis. I just put it over top. No, yeah, no. He was just there. And we were very respectful.

Everyone was fine. So did everybody have to stand or bring chairs? We brought in a couple chairs for older members of the family so they could sit, but most people stood and watched. Huh. And, yeah, we just kept it looking. Did anyone get denied a chair that wanted one? We brought one, and we broke it in half, and we threw it on the ground,

and he was like, you choose. We started stabbing each other with the bits, I don't know, until we put it together, I don't know. Don't put it together. I don't know. Yeah, okay. So he killed your grandfather. Now what do I do? Sit on him.

And then the reception was right there? No, we did that just at a restaurant downtown. My wife's sister's a chef, and so she knows all these chefs in town. And so we found a restaurant called Royal Dinette, which is kind of in the middle of downtown. They're really nice, and they're accommodating. We had the whole place to ourselves, and they made food for us.

Are they making food at the restaurant? I mean, the story does track. Okay, you wonder why you weren't invited. I don't wonder. Doesn't mean I'm not sad about it. But yeah, they were really nice nice and the food was really delicious. So people just took cabs from the park there and we just ate there and had the whole thing. Did you do the kind of the standard wedding thing?

You and the bride go off and have photos taken? We did that before and then we had a little bit of that afterwards. And then we wanted to rent a limo and no place. We did that like last possible minute and nobody was available. So we just took a cab like around the park and just for like a little extra drive. Nice. We're married. This is crazy.

Yeah. This is crazy. Do you still want to do this? We still can throw these into the ocean, these rigs. That's totally fine. Do you consummate it in the cab? With the driver Yeah Hey

Witness Swing and swing Swing and swing Triangle You were swinging Did you do that thing Where you I was driving with it

Did you do that thing Where you cram A cake in each other's mouth We did not do that Ah Did you You guys didn't do that Of course not

Yeah no we didn't do We didn't do that We didn't do the corny Slideshow Like with like Photos of us As we were kids and then growing older Like imagining us as a couple as babies, you know

Like we don't have always I've always thought that was a very weird trope at weddings like the couple has to be Very close in age for it to not be He's 12 and she's one photos Photos of her using the internet. Photos of him in a buggy and carriage. Buggy and carriage. Same thing. One's digital and one's film. One's just like cave paintings.

That's ridiculous, Kevin. I'm a ridiculous guy. Like Mel Gibson, he's with a 20-some-year-old wife now. Do you think that they ever use like promo shots from their movies at these Hollywood weddings when they're showing the slideshow? This is Mel Gibson in Road Warrior. This is her in Short Pants. They just did it in time, so it's just like him in Road Warrior, him in Lethal Weapon 1, him in Lethal Weapon 2, her as a baby. She shows up in time so it's just like him and road warrior him and lethal weapon one him and lethal weapon two her as a baby

like she shows up in time a little chronological yeah that is but it is I've seen it at weddings and I've never is that what it's supposed to be

like imagine these two no no no I think it's just like this is like I think it's supposed to be like what a wild crazy trip it's been for these two crazy kids

to live this life and then now they're together and they're gonna forge a new life together it's like to be like, what a wild, crazy trip it's been for these two crazy kids to live this life. And then now they're together and they're going to forge a new life together. It's like you go to a wedding. You probably only know one of the people. So, you know, here's some pictures of the guy you know. Because, you know, you don't want to see pictures of some other dumb kid. You want to see pictures of your friend as a kid. It would be a fun thing to do if you were showing those.

And then there was a bunch of slides of things that hadn't happened yet that you photoshopped. Oh, sure. That would be fun. Having a baby. Yeah. Going to the moon. First couple on the moon. Winning the Indy 500 as a couple. First couple to win the Indy 500. Driving side-by-side, cars holding hands. Tons of speeches yeah yeah

nice speeches like I got the Sunday service to host they were my best best men and women or my grooms groomsmen and women and so they hosted

so it was really easy for them because they just traded off like one person was just like here's here's Kevin's mom I guess and like oh

I guess Maria has a dad here he is but they did like were they doing a bitter or were they just bad at it I'm not sure they did funny things they were very nice and funny they just had a shitty attitude the whole time

another one? they're eating prime rib mac and cheese no bad uncle speech no nothing really embarrassing it was just like people were very sweet And she's, yeah. But no bad uncle speech? No, nothing really embarrassing. It was just like people were very sweet and the speeches were really heartfelt, lots of tears and stuff. It was very nice. I was very uncomfortable with all the focus and Marie especially because she's not a performer.

She doesn't like the spotlight and stuff, so it makes her very uncomfortable. Did she like the movie spotlight? Yeah, that would have been around that time. Yeah, we watched it. Yeah, she did like that. She's like, well, I like this kind Spotlight? Yeah, that would have been around that time. Yeah, we watched it. Yeah, she did like that. She's like, well, I like this kind of Spotlight. Yeah.

I mean, I don't like what happened in it, but I like the Spotlight News team that they keep referring to over and over again. Hey, is this for Spotlight? Spotlight News team is on the case. It's one of the worst offenders

for a movie that says its title a million times. I'm sorry I brought it up and haven't seen it. I haven't seen it either. Oh, really? I've seen it. It's really good

It was the best picture winner A million times Yes it was Do you think I can name Every best picture winner In order From 1993 Till now?

Dave Absolutely Philadelphia Okay Yeah okay Should we bring it up On the old phone ski? Cause I think

Philadelphia Oh I thought you meant Bring it up in conversation More naturally Oh okay yeah Dave You said one time That you knew how to because I think Philadelphia sounds very close. I thought you meant bring it up in conversation more naturally. Oh, okay, yeah. Dave, you said one time that you knew how to name all the best pictures from, I don't know, 1993 to current day. Do you want to do that going from 1993 to now or now back in time?

1993 to now. Okay. Do you have it up? I'm working on it. Kevin, what was your wedding like? What did you wear? I wore a suit And I had a vest

And a tie Did top hat? No top hat Top hat? No top hat? No top hat, no I wish I had though What time of year was it?

It was May Oh Top hat weather Total top hat weather We actually lucked out with the weather This is not interesting in any way Shape or form But it was like nice out

And the next day it was nice out, and the next day it was rainy. We felt very lucky for that. Plenty of the outdoor wetting and stuff. It was a cold summer. It was a cold summer this year. It was kind of a cruel summer. You know, I saw a lot of crabs down on the beach, and I was like, what are you guys doing

here? It's too cold. Picked them up, threw them in a bush with the orange slices. Did you guys go immediately on a honeymoon? No, no honeymoon. What? Fuck that. So the honeymoon was over you guys go immediately on a honeymoon no no honeymoon what fuck that so the honeymoon was over before it even started yeah kevin would can we send you on a honeymoon oh please do max fun drive fund my honeymoon that's not how that works okay don't donate if you want to donate to my honeymoon do not donate to max fun drive well

do both you can do both yeah yeah yeah uh where would you like to go on a honeymoon I don't know Japan Not romantic Vegas The polar opposite of an interesting place The Salton Sea Dayton Ohio Anything yet I'm having trouble finding a list that goes by years

Philadelphia Forrest Gump a list that goes by years. Okay. Philadelphia. Philadelphia. I'd like to go to Philadelphia. For sure. Forrest Gump. Mm-hmm. Yeah, for sure that was Forrest Gump. And then... On the 4th of July? 95 are we on?

Batman and Robin? Sorry, I'm scrolling up. It started at 1937, so I'm scrolling to the 90s here. Speed? Okay, 95 would have been Jerry Maguire. Did that win Best Picture? Maybe. Possibly.

Fargo? Was Fargo that year? Did Fargo win Best Picture? I'm only in 1977 here. Still scrolling up. Oh, man. Was I right so far? By the way,

I cannot do it anymore. Wait, 1993 you said was Philadelphia? That was incorrect. Was it that 94? No, you got 94 right. That's Forrest Gump. 93. Philadelphia didn't win Best Picture?

No. It was up against some pretty heavy. Was it The Crying Game? It was not The Crying Game. It was a wartime movie. Oh, same as Private Ryan. No, earlier than that. Oh.

Famous. Platoon. No, later than that. No, you're out. No. War movie. 1993. War movie.

Like famous. Like the most famous sad movie. Like if you ever need a reference of being like, what's the saddest movie? Oh, Schindler's List. Schindler's List. Oh, I don't think of that as a war movie. The what's the saddest movie schindler's i don't think of that as a war movie the holocaust and the war were two separate things that happened at the same time 93 94 forrest gump 95 big epic historical drama braveheart correct ah 96 would have been jerry maguire jerry maguire and Fargo were both nominated that year.

In 1996, they both lost to an independent movie. A little movie that could. I don't know. I think it was. Yeah, it is an independent movie, and it's a real snooze. Real snooze-a-roo. So much so that they made it a plot point in an episode of Seinfeld. Oh, the English page. English page. english english oh god i can't do this okay let's just get to the 2000s no i can't skip ahead three years

even though i would have got shakespeare in love somewhere in there yeah yeah yeah see that would have been the year after the next year which uh 97 was another historical drama oh my god i love those yeah uh gladiator probably made the most money of any movie that year titanic titanic titanic oh this isn't fun 98 shakespeare in love 99 matrix uh the matrix yes it was american beauty Matrix The Matrix Yes It was American Beauty American Beauty 2000 Gladiator Gladiator 2001 Space Odyssey

2002 Space Cowboy by Jamiroquai Yep And then And then The Artist And they took it off for the next

until this year Yeah Until they figured it out Yeah And then they still fucked it up Yep They weren't ready

to bring back the category. So you're married, it's great. You're great. Married, it's great. You're great. You're great. You're great.

We're all great. It's all great. We're going to go on a honeymoon sometime. We have to figure it out. We'll figure out planes and bags and stuff. You know where you

shouldn't go for a honeymoon? Where'd you go? Divorced. Divorced? Come on. Well, you shouldn't. Yeah, that sounds pretty bad place. Well, you shouldn't go for a honeymoon? Where'd you go? Divorced. No, I want to be. Divorced? Come on. Well, you shouldn't. Yeah, that sounds pretty bad place. Well, you shouldn't go.

It's the spotlight. She hates that place. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's right. Yeah, we shouldn't go there. But you should go to the spotlight. A walking tour of the spotlight. Yeah, all those movies.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, they do a walking tour of the spotlight. This is where they ate. There's a deli. There's a deli. This is the part where he goes and finds out more information about the priests. Yeah. This is that house where they think that one priest lives.

And you're like trying the whole time. You're like, I only saw it once. Yeah. I guess it really could be any house. Why? Did it happen in Vancouver? With the logo on? Oh, yeah. You went on a walking tour of Vancouver for your honeymoon.

This is old gassy Jack. I'm like, oh, my God. That puts me on the moon. The mood for your honeymoon. This is all gassy jack. I'm like, oh my God. That puts me on the moon. The mood for spood. Spood? Okay. That's pretty good. I'm a bit of a windy lover.

He's a windy lover. He got a hoodoo. Like a lover. Was this what you walked down the aisle to? The guy on the bench was singing in his sleep. Whatever song he wants. So then you're a married guy. And then speaking of matters of the heart, good transition.

You had heart surgery. That's where I went for my honeymoon. I'm going to get surgery on my heart. When was this? What was this? This was in September. So you're married four months at this point. Four months at this point. Yeah, and she thought she was marrying a guy, top physical

condition. Pristine condition. Cut, hung, ready to bunk. Cut, hung, ready to bunk you were only driven once a week by an old lady but uh but seriously guys i am i had heart surgery yeah i, I have a heart condition called, uh, a, a fib, atrial fibrillation, which is a condition that, uh, most, I think I've been told like mostly happens to set like people in their seventies, like seventies and eighties and stuff where your heart will just go out of rhythm.

Right. Or like basically your atria stopped beating. And so your ventricles beat harder and out of rhythm to just kind of keep doing something. Right. You know, they just keep going. So, um. Can you feel it when that happens i can sometimes people can't uh i can really feel it does it it doesn't always happen it it comes and goes it comes and goes yeah and so it's kind of like um carmichael yeah oscar nominated movie whiplash uh not my tempo and then you scream at your heart and then you're like I should go to the hospital

yeah it goes off better than when I make a very bad joke yeah I think whenever it's trying to scream back whenever it hears

a pin drop it's activated by cricket yeah yeah but it it comes and goes I wasn't quite sure

like they say don't they always ask me if I do class A drugs which I don't what are the ask me if I do class A drugs, which I don't. What are the class A drugs? Um, well,

class A. I got you. God damn. You both did like a weird, like a finger, like a finger motion. Yeah. Moto bene,

the class A drugs. What? Like a heroin? Cocaine, ecstasy, that sort of, the cocaine, ecstasy,

the ones that excite the heart and make you go crazy. Oh, okay, but because heroin doesn't excite the heart And make you go crazy Oh okay Because heroin don't Oh that But I would say heroin Is like In a class all it's on

Yeah that's true Yeah it's a Timeless classic It's a classic drug So and you were like Yeah sure I dabble in a little coke I do a little speed

On the weekends But what's this got to do With my heart doc What are the class B drugs How many classes are there Yeah do a little speed on the weekends. But what's this got to do with my heart, Doc? What did a class B draw? How many classes are there? Yeah.

I don't know. Is it? Because I got a full schedule. Because I thought they were class A, class B

were what you would if you were caught with them how long of a sentence you would get. Right. That's how I thought they were classified.

Yeah, they could be. I think that's just what they ask me at the hospital. They're like, are you a druggie? Yeah, they ask people who come in like, okay, you're having this condition. Are you on class A drugs? Are you on class B drugs? C, D, E, F, G, E.

Okay, class A drugs include heroin, cocaine, methadone, and ecstasy. Yeah. LSD and magic mushrooms. Really? I guess the hallucination stuff. You. And ecstasy. Yeah. LSD and magic mushrooms. Ooh. Really? I guess the hallucination stuff.

You call your doctor right away. I didn't understand the question. I looked it up out of the fact, and I'm doing class A drugs. Class B. The phone is eating my face. Are amphetamines. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that would be bad for me.

Barbiturates. Mm-hmm. Codeine. Yeah. Cannabis. Barbiturates. Codeine. Cannabis. Cathinones. Including mephedrone. And synthetic cannabinoids. Are we talking about Oscar winners again?

Yeah. Google now does this thing where if you just search class A drug, it'll give you a little paragraph that's from a website. And you take that As gospel Even then

Even though The website is apparently Talktofrank.com Listen Yeah That's my homepage He said What has Frank got to say

About drugs today They're great Alright Yeah they're class A All the way So you You were quizzed. I was quizzed.

Did you pass? Yep. I passed that. And they told me to lay off booze and caffeine as things that could trigger the condition. I did that and it still happened. And yeah, it happened. And then they gave me drugs to help convert it back to normal. When was this?

Was this in September? No, this started like years ago. I've had this condition for maybe four or five years. Actually, since like really early when Marie and I first started dating. I feel like I must have known about it. Were you public with it? Did you tell your closest friends like me? Yeah, yes.

I think I told my closest friends, Derek and... I was calling you Derek. I was waiting for... I'm blaming my heart for this That's fine Derek's the name of your huge dick That's right And it's also that Ricky Gervais

Show is based on my dick Well I don't do cocaine But Derek does Derek likes the smell If you get what I'm saying Did you discover it Because it was painful And you went to the doctor

Or no Because it was scary Just it was scary and weird Like you know We all have like Those heart flutters Like for a second You'll feel like

Like a weird Yeah because that's What I was thinking about Yeah but mine was Mine was sustained Like when it happened I was like This has been happening

Since the morning And that seems weird Oh like for hours and hours Hours and hours And then i went into i went into emerge and then it was still happening and happening and happening and it was happening for a few days goes to emergency so often he calls it emerge i do well that's the thing is that it happened so much i take meds to convert it back to normal you can't take so much medication he

calls them meds and so i went and talked to the doc and he gave me some scripts. Anyway. This guy enters so many spelling bees. He just calls them scripts. And so I went in, the medication stopped working very effectively. And so I had to go into emergency to get defibrillated. Oh, wow. Yeah.

And that's, I've been defibrillated maybe six times, six or seven times. And you're awake for them? No. So they, they put you under with, and they're very nice. With cocaine of all things. Yeah. Hey, what was all this class A drug talk? They club me over the head with a big dick and I'm like, I have one of my own. They open up like a surgical pack of cocaine. It's got a mirror foil built into the bottom of it's just got it's got a mirror like foil built into the bottom

it's like a capri sun where it's got the strong yeah so it's it's uh so they put me under with uh and they were very they mentioned to it mentioned it to me every time i went where they're like oh yeah this is the uh drug that killed michael jackson excuse me like don't worry you'll be fine and apparently uh first time i came down i was like oh i don't want to do it until my then fiance now wife is here and they're like oh are you sure because when you go on this stuff there's a while where you just say anything it's kind of a truth drug and i'm like pause and i'm like yeah it's fine i don't know And then I got

Because you seem like kind of a dirty dog Yeah I'm a bit of a dirty dog But it did freak me out enough That I started worrying about What I would say when going under If I would just say something terrible And of course

I'm Michael Jackson Hey hey That's the podcast I want to listen to Just people who are saying whatever On this Michael Jackson drug Yeah But I got scared that I would say anything That's the podcast I want to listen to Just people who are saying Whatever on this Michael Jackson drug Yeah But I

I got scared that I would Say anything And I I I ended up Like you know If you're going into like a If you're going into like a

Job interview And you're like Don't say this thing Don't say this thing And you think about it so much And I immediately thought like I fucked a dead guy And then I was like

No I just thought like What would be the worst thing I could say that's not real But like Just something that would slip out and I said I fucked a dead guy and then I was like

I put that in my own head I'm gonna worry about this did you say it? I didn't no and I think once while I was going out I was like making a joke with him

I was like as I was going down because there's a little bit of time where you're sinking yeah it's like if I say that I fucked a dead guy it's total jokes yeah he fucked me

like trust me it was and then I go under consensual he fucking I'm dead um fucked me. Like, trust me, it was, and then I go under, consensual. He fucking lambdared. Um, uh,

yeah, so, I didn't end up saying that, but I did say to them, I was like, I thought this would be a funny joke,

I was like, I fucked a dead guy, and the nurse looked at me and was like, yeah. And I was like, that's just because you guys fuck dead guys

all the time. You go, it's cool. You can fuck me when I die, if I die here, It's cool. You can fuck me when I die if I die here. It's cool. This is my consent.

Yeah. Consent is general consent. Yeah. And then when they put you under how long are you out? It's very quick. It's like you metabolize

that drug really fast which is why they're like oh like I joked with them after a while I was like stop telling me that I killed Michael Jackson. It's not comforting. And they're like oh no he was like mainlining after a while i was like stop telling me that i killed michael jackson it's not comforting and they're like oh no he was like mainlining that stuff like he was this doctor was like giving it to him like in a constant drip

dr conrad murray i guess so that's the guy he's one of the doctors on the show the doctors is he really no oh god i was like he's in a little he's in a little dunce cap on the side like don't do it he said but the doctor the doctor that killed Kanye West's mom was a TV doctor. On The Doctors? No, on, it was called The Better Half, The Other Half. Oh, yeah. It was the male equivalent to The View. And he was the one, oh, wow, I didn't know that.

Yeah, with Dick Clark and Mary Lopez and Danny Bonaduce. What? I feel like they were ready to break down the set and turn it into a celebrity wrestling thing. And Dr. Jan Murray? Are both these doctors' names Dr. Murray? It was the Murray's doctor's office was a bad place to go. So they tell you this every time? This is the famous Michael Jackson?

Yeah, I told him not to, not to do that anymore. Um, uh, but yeah, you process it really quickly. So you go, go out and they just had, they have like a, maybe 30 seconds to like. Does your heart stop? My heart does not stop. Um, so it's just thumping away and they'll shock, they'll try and just shock it back into rhythm. So they'll shock it. And then Marie's been there.

So she'll relay to me like what, what happened? And I, I shock and it's like, you know, you go stiff. You're like, and then you, you, the last time I had it. Does she hate going there? It's disconcerting. Call me the next time. I want to see this. Yeah.

Well, it may, may happen. So I, so yeah. How are you feeling today? I feel okay. I, so, so I had, so I had this surgery called an ablation, which is not like, they don't go through your chest. They go through like your femoral artery in your leg and your groin and then they go up and they use like 3d imaging and stuff to go up inside your heart and then they puncture through the atria to the left

side and then they do what all that's what yeah so this is all along it's all remote control they do with their drone yeah yeah it's like get a drone they get this really it's the best drone you can get at best buy. Like it's so small. They can play MP3s. They can record your neighbors changing. So it goes, it goes, they go in through your atria through the, through the left side and then they cauterize the inside of your heart around the pulmonary veins to keep like bad signals.

Like that's the most likely culprit is the erroneous signals come from those and then they fuck up the signals in your heart. Jesus. So it doesn't pass through scar tissue um yeah so they did that uh and it's like 70 effective which is why like lately my heart's been going off again and so they're like oh you could have a second one and then it'll be like 80 to 90 effective so i don't know give me three more well let's go for the full 110 you don't have a scar on your chest. You have like a scar on your groin? I guess.

I actually haven't really looked again. Let me look. Sorry about that. It's just Derek again. Derek, stop showing off. Slither. He wants cocaine.

Let's get the salad bowl of cocaine over here he starts calming down and then telling us a bunch of really great business ideas did you since Marie's been there

for a few of them has she heard you say anything on the drug on the Michael Jackson drug no and then coincidentally with Kanye I think at one point

I was talking I was going under and I was just like I like Kanye West I mean he says some bad stuff but he was going under and I was just like I like Kanye West I mean he says some bad stuff but he's got good music and I I was giving like

rap reviews and I'm like I like Kendrick Lamar is so good and he's like he's the best and I think that's your opinion

that you've been keeping to yourself that's my deep dark secrets Michael Jackson if he was alive today he'd be like all of his old music

beats all his stuff that's going on today these are my dark thoughts I'm such a deep and complicated person I like the

English patient I thought it was good that's the movie I watch when I want to stay awake driving late at night

and I put on the English patient driving? yeah until driving you're right awake on your little I guess on your phone you can

watch it my little phone i'm trying to think of like oh they used to have those like flip up dvd players oh yeah i was thinking of the old like portable television set little box guy yeah i was thinking of the art of books the art of the English patient. Open it up. Come on, Matt. So, second round two of surgery? Potentially. I don't know. I have another meeting with the cardiologist, electrocardiologist this month. He hasn't seen an electrocardiologist very often. Otherwise, he would shorten that name.

Yeah. Leccard. Yeah. So, same tube? Tube up the thing? Or is it a different tube? Did they throw out the first tube? No, no, no. Different day, same tube.

Went up in the rafters? Retire his tube. They were hanging up. So close to Derek. But at no point will they have to do the old open up the ribs and do that crazy. Because that seems like, that always seemed like a pretty crazy.

That's totally crazy. Thing for a person to go through. Yeah. It seems crazier to put a tube in your groin and just whinny its way up to your heart. That's true. Because they are, I mean, they are both weird, but. They do. I mean, going through your chest, like into your heart and doing all that stuff is very crazy.

This thing also, it has like, it has risks. It's super routine though. Like they do, they like that, that day they were doing like three of them. Like they do these surgeries all the time. Huh. So they're very prevalent. And then you're in and out in a day. Yeah.

So I went on that day, which is the weird thing is like, I was like in and out in a day, not a big deal. Surgery, smurgery. I'll lay down. It'll be fine for a while. But it was, it was actually really stressful, like healing and going through surgery. Not a big deal. Surgery, smergery. I'll lay down. It'll be fine for a while. But it was actually really stressful, like healing and going through surgery. I didn't think about it. And I started getting these crazy ocular migraines where my vision would just start going all crazy, as if I was on mushrooms.

My peripheral vision would be all wavy and nuts. Class A drugs. I'm like, I think I'm losing my mind. And that was because of the stress. Yeah. Huh. Very weird. It's gone away now, but yeah.

Yeah. So anybody out there going through surgery, it's real. And you should treat it like it's real. Don't feel like this is no big deal. Don't go play a pickup basketball game that night. Yeah, or do a comedy show, drink a beer two days later, like I did with the Grimm show. I know.

I didn't realize that you were like, when you said yes to a comedy show, drink a beer two days later, like I did with the Grimm show. I know. I didn't realize that you were like, uh, when you said yes to doing this show, I didn't think you had had heart surgery. And that show, what show was that? Quiz show. And what year was that? The Best Picture winner? Uh, that was last year. So the Best Picture winner.

Birdman? Yeah, it was Birdman. Oh, Revenant. No, no. When did Quiz Show win best? Oh I don't know Guys

I'm on a whole another level What drugs are you taking? There's one of those Barbadoids Yeah I'm taking Barbadoids I'm taking Barbazon

I'm taking ITT Tech John Casablanca I'm taking DeVry I'm taking a whole With a phoenix? Yeah all That would be great in an action movie if they were like there's this new drug that's hitting the streets John Casablanca's. I'm digging DeVry. I'm digging all... With the phoenix? Yeah, all your... That would be great in an action movie if they were like, there's this new drug that's hitting the streets and it's called DeVry.

That was just a wink to... Because you can do it from home. You can do all of them from home. What are you talking about? You do some DeVry and in minutes you're repairing a TV VCR. You do a bit of DeVry because it's barely credible. As a drug? As a drug?

I don't know, guys. That's fine. It's a class F drug. But that's, I'm glad you're in one piece. Well, don't speak for all of us. Oh, no. I wanted you to be in two pieces. I thought it would be cool.

Yeah, like at the end of a magic trick. Just rolling my heart in a wagon behind me? Yeah. Oh, sorry, guys. I forgot my heart. I go back and grab it. Oh, Kevin, that stupid heart. We'll never get to egg this school bus.

A sandlot or something. You're friends with a kid who has to keep his heart in a jar on a wagon. Oh, boy. They didn't like my original draft of the Sandlot. One kid like that. He's always getting dirt in the jar. I can't play baseball, guys. My heart.

So they play with his heart and they hit it for a home run straight into his chest. What year did the Sandlot win Best Picture? 1993. We already said. That's true. Dave, what's going on with you, man? Okay, guys, last night I had a dream. And I don't have a lot of dreams that I remember.

Some of Dave's dreams of the past include having his travel agent retire. Yeah. Really? Yep. So not. But my dream last night was that I won the lottery. Oh, congratulations, Dream Dave. It was $16 million.

Very specific. And then I was driving this morning and I saw a sign that said the lottery was $16 million. You get a ticket? So I bought tickets. Yeah. Do you remember the dream numbers or were they like letters? No, come on. I had just quick pick man

Are you guys lottery guys? I don't know what even a quick pick is Once every six months I'll get a lottery I'll feel compelled Every time Kevin gets surgery I get a lottery ticket Because that's my lucky day Because I'm close to death So I

Have the ticket here I guess for $20 you get. $20? Six of these things. I had $20 and I said, give me whatever you get for $20. And so what do you, you get six different combinations of numbers. Yeah. There's also a guaranteed prize draws.

Like if no one has these numbers. Also, by the way, I discovered that I bought for the wrong lottery. The $16 million one is on Friday. So if I don't win the lottery today, I have to get the next one. Of course I do. So the lottery numbers are

1, 17, 19, 23, 28, 29, 47. My high school locker combination. 19 23 28 29 47 My high school locker combination Very complicated And I have I didn't win

Oh Okay but it was the wrong lottery though It was the wrong lottery So I'm out 25 bucks Although maybe I won some part Like you can take it to the store and you scan it And they're like oh you, you actually won $10. Yeah, you're going to play a lottery winner in the next commercial for the lottery.

Oh, that'd be fun. Yeah, that'd be all right. You get like $3,000 to be in a commercial? Yeah, I get. How much do you get? I've never been in a commercial. Oh. Not that ever aired.

You? Commercial? Mm-hmm. For bank? I was in one for a car. I was in one for the BC Lions. I was in one for What's it pay? $3,000? Yeah, something like that.

Because one time someone called me up and asked me to audition for a commercial and I said oh, I've done auditioning. I don't like it. I hate this. And the woman didn't know that I how strongly I felt about it. And she was like, oh, this commercial could pay $3,000. Pretty good.

I mean, that would be the turning point of me going, yeah, I'll do it. All right. Yeah. But I went to enough of those auditions that it was just the worst. Going to auditions is terrible. Yeah, and the commercial's half written. And it's 30 seconds. So could you maybe write the whole thing?

Yeah, could you write some sort of punchline to this yeah don't make me come up with it yeah though there was plenty of times i go into auditions and they'd be like hey could you stick around and they'd be like laughing and having fun i'm like yeah this is good they really they like what i'm doing and then and then they'd be like they like see guys like writing scribbling things down and then they'd be like all right cool all right see ya and then like i would never hear back and i'm like well they took all my shit oh yeah yeah yeah, yeah. Oh, exactly. Okay, so the other thing that's going on. Wait, wait, wait.

Before you, what would you buy? What would be your first thing you'd buy if you won the lottery? First purchase. Crazy first lottery. Oh, like a bigger car. Oh, cool. Like a Hummer? Well, no, just like a.

Like a limo? Like a minivan. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. With those doorsmer? Well, no, just like a... Like a limo? Like a minivan. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With those doors that close on their own. Yeah. And people should know that Dave drives a pedicab right now. I do.

Yeah. Biking around. Just dad stuff. Probably dad stuff. Yeah, sure. You know, but... Man cave. Oh, yeah.

Just stuff for my man cave, mostly. Yeah. Surround sound. I can listen to a digital thing that just says the same word over and over again come like a scrolling thing yeah yeah yeah

not just an audio thing a digital like a room till you're just going insane after a while you need to have a second one that's like no pressure no presh Like a room. You're just going insane. After a while, you need to have a second one that's like, no pressure. No pressure. I'm just going to cool off.

Can I make Siri say cum? Yeah, yeah, yeah. From now on, my name is Siri. I'll give you a second to collect your thoughts, Dave. Siri, from now on, my name is Cum. But since we're friends, I get to call you Dave Shamka. What?

She doesn't listen to you. It's our friend. From now on, Siri, call me Cum. You would like me to call you Cum? Ha ha ha ha! Ah, Siri. No thanks, Siri no thanks daddy why does everyone call you cum man cave stuff get out of my man cave um so the other thing going on with me is i'm not a uh comic book person no i don't enjoy them i like comic books. You're entitled to. How dare you? I just didn't think, growing up, I didn't think this would be a thing that I would still have to be talking about in my 30s.

Right. And I never was into comic books. And I was getting my hair cut the other day, and we were talking about tv shows we're watching and my hairdresser was like you know i'm like the new season of america's next top model and i was like i don't think women should be objectified like that ah look at you stephan for yeah look at me uh and then i said have you been watching riverdale and she said to me oh i don't like comic books. And I was like, that's not the same thing. Yeah. I mean, it's not, but it kind of is. But, like, I bought maybe 100 Archies in my life.

Yeah. And I never went to a comic book store. No, that's true. They sold them next to the Tic Tacs. That's true. Yeah. But they also used to sell comic books in non-comic book stores. There was a time, like, because I used to buy comic books at 7-Eleven.

Right. And that was, like, I guess pre, like, everybody having cable. So you needed some sort of supplemental kid entertainment. It just felt so like like it's it is a weird like lumping together like it's like i don't like hello kitty and you're like what that's not comics but it isn't not not that right have you been watching the hello kitty tv show oh i'm not into animals well no she's not real she's wears a bow uh uh but yeah it just felt like i i i'm sure i've made other people feel this way when they've been like oh uh yeah in this uh you know in this universe there's a like a green

lantern that's a planet you're watching you're watching the olympics i don't really like rings yeah okay but it is kind of like if somebody said they didn't watch the Olympics and say, I don't really watch sports, that would be kind of a weird lumping together. Yeah. Because sports kind of dictates the year round. The commitment of that. Yeah. Because people, when you watch the Olympics, you're watching things you would never watch anyway. You're like, oh, I don't, yeah i i don't usually watch water polo

but it's on right now yeah and i feel like archie is something even you know even though it was not uh i never found it funny or good oh i did it was always though it was always around and i want to i want to point out that we are saying that archie is the olympics books. It is the Olympics of comic books. Really? Because it's more accessible I think than buying a comic book. Yeah. And like I've read Archie, you've read Archie, your aunt's read Archie,

your grandmother probably has read Archie. Yeah, comic book people are like, are you DC or Marvel? I'm Archie. I'm whatever publication banner archie's yeah i readers digest i think united syndication are you marvel or dc um dagwood yeah exactly because that's the other like wing of comics yeah aren't i think archie's closer to the funnies yeah well it was often in the funny was it yeah well in the calgary herald it was one of the yeah they would have like a six panel archie and they were like oh boy they really

can do one panel they can can do the four panel. Six though. There's a lot of just extra. Are we talking about the weekend colored ones? Yeah, the weekend colored. The insert. Yeah. Yeah. Which was like a big deal when I was a kid.

To you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Like it was to me as well, but I i i wouldn't think my town used to go crazy no no but like for a kid like that there was a section of the newspaper that you're like here you can read this section of the newspaper one like five days a week it's black and white and it's on a page and then on the weekend it's you know it's And then on the weekend, it's, you know, it's your own little book. Yeah. And it was,

I think maybe I like three of them. I read them all. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'd go through the, your Hagars and your Wizard of Ids. I didn't read Tank McNamara

because I wasn't really a sports guy. What was the worst one as a kid? Doonesbury? Wait, which one's the political one? Yeah, that's Doonesbury. I never got that. Yeah, me neither.

I have no idea. I don't know who it's from. Why is there like a mug is talking? Yeah, and Rex Morgan was the... Yeah, the soap opera. Yeah. I think the one that was supposed to be funny that I was always like, what? Was For Better or Worse.

Yeah. That one just seemed like, what? I don't understand who this is for. Yeah. Somebody that this would be for is also somebody who wouldn't read the comic section. Yeah. Like, it's a very slim group. But you would see those cut out on a lot of refrigerators.

Just like a lot of For Better or Worse. I think think the for better or worse fans are probably pretty diehard they're just like yes my teen is occasionally moderately annoying yeah but pretty nice mostly actually a pretty good like yeah sweet kid yeah kid although i cannot can you remember any of like, because I remember two for better or for worse, like crazy big newsworthy things that happened. Oh, yeah. I think I remember one of them. The dog died once. Oh. Oh.

That's for worse. That's for worse. And then they reset it. That's right. The dog came back? Well, yeah. I knew that. They went back in time or something.

Yeah, yeah. They restarted the, but it was current era so they like they restarted it with the same characters but in the modern because de-age the teens and stuff so they can like go back through teenage years but with yeah yeah good did any other comic book have that like or comic strip i mean uh comic strip i don't know i know the comic books seem to do that every other month yeah but like was there ever like oh this is the one where garfield's owner gets an actual girlfriend oh there was a weird thing in garfield you know those crazy the rectangular books yeah garfield annuals? What would they be?

Like, a collection of that year's? Yes, it's like a scrapbook or something. It's like a yearbook. And there's one from when I was a kid

that I got at a garage sale and it's where John doesn't come home. And it's this crazy- Did you say, come? Welcome to the man cave.

Someone's talking to you, come. And there was, it was like- Donate to the Max cave. Someone's talking to you, Kyle. Um, and there was, it was like, donate to the max fund drive next week. It was weeks and weeks of this, of him having the kind of angst that a pet would have if their owner didn't come home and thinking about his death and all this stuff. It was very dark and very weird.

And I remember reading it and being like, did Jim Davis lose his mind? Like, why did he write this? Someone was just like, yeah, I don't really know Garfield. I'm more of a Calvin and Hobbes kind of guy. And he's like, I could do that shit. Yeah, you think Calvin's so smart. He's so emotional.

He brings existential kid life. What do you think of life as a cat? Yeah, I'm going to put this goddamn cat through the ring. Or his cat was just like, I can live without you. And he's like, I'll fucking show you, cat. You'd be sick without me. Fieldgar, which is actually the cat's name. But he protected him in real life.

Yeah. Keep his anonymity. So that he wouldn't have to pay him royalties to himself. He's going to keep it in his trust for the cat. The old car. I remember there

was a comic called Robot Man. Oh. I liked that one. I thought it was really funny. It eventually became Monty.

Yes. Like they got rid of Robot Man. That's what I didn't know. I look back and I'm like, oh,

it's Robot Man. I'm like, this is the same art style. Wait, no, this is called Monty?

And I was like, I don't know. I don't remember this. I couldn't tell you the plot. I think there was a guy who had a robot yeah that was robot man's like creator inventor was monty but then i guess he took over the yeah thing oh there was another but then they did a tv show of robot man and it was not funny and robot man was like a love robot what it was for kids and it was all teaching him to love and his heart or his chest had a heart on it and maybe it's sprayed out light it's sprayed out light

that's right there was one called it was originally called adam uh-huh now it's adam at home adam at home because he like decides to be a stay-at-home dad. Right. But also makes a newsletter. Like, the at is because he uses a computer. Yeah, that's right. Oh, that was weird. Goes to Kinko's a lot.

Yeah. And it was just like, well, times are changing. That's what I said when I read Adam at home. Well, I guess times are changing. Oh, man. So that's what's going on with me. I was accused of being a comic nerd because I knew all the characters from Archie. Are you watching Riverdale? Yeah.

Oh, so am I. Yeah, I don't think I'm going to make it through the next few seasons, but I'll finish this one. Yeah, exactly. Same here. It's just so ridiculous. I couldn't. And like, why is Cheryl featured so this one. Yeah, exactly. Same here. It's just so ridiculous. I couldn't. And, like, why is Cheryl featured

so prominently? Yeah, I don't know who that is. Oh, she was just kind of, like, whenever they needed a third foil between Benny and Veronica. She's maybe,

maybe the main character in Riverdale. It's like it. It's just weird to see it, like, every so often and just be like, oh, it's like a, like a salacious, sexy teen drama. And then I'm like, oh, yeah, it's just weird to see it like every so often and just be like oh it's like a like a salacious

sexy teen drama and then I'm like oh yeah it's Archie it's Archie except Jughead won't eat a hamburger he's smart he's cogent

he's probably the most like intellectual character on the show um the skeet old Rick is back yeah it's got a lot of

90s uh heartthrobs yeah it's uh Luke Perry yeah yeah yeah and Mad Chinamic from Twin Peaks isn't it Yeah It's got a lot of 90s Heartthrobs Yeah Luke Perry Yeah And Mad Chinamic

From Twin Peaks Isn't it And I think that's What they're trying to do Is they're trying to do Like a 90210 Twin Peaks thing And they get the actors

In there to be like Yeah we know what we're doing Sure They should get You know Lark Voorhees Yeah To play

You know Joe's Television's Lisa Turtle Yeah and his moose big guy in the show moose is in it yep he is and he's um bi bisexual i think like this oh yeah yeah right from the start there's like a part there's a character named kevin who's gay and then he like oh because kevin that's a way yeah yeah oh is he yeah he's, yeah. Oh, is he? Yeah. What's his name? Kevin. What's his last name?

Lee, I think. Yeah, it's Lee. Kevin Lee. Kevin Hartman. Yeah, anyways. Yeah, Kevin Fieldgarf. She are. And Archie doesn't even have the tic-tac-toe in the side of his head.

I know. Does Jughead wear some sort of hat? He does Okay, well that's something And Archie is like a little bit more ripped in the show Than he is in the cartoon He's pretty ripped in the comics Yeah, Archie was always pretty swole

Pretty swole So this has been the 10th episode We've talked about Riverdale Well, in a row That's fine They knew what they were doing And you haven't watched it riverdale no no but i i will it's on netflix yeah i know but also uh history of violence is on there so watch that it's for your eyes you just watch it like it's on netflix yeah yeah i should just put it in my eyes on it yeah put it in your eyes put your eyes on it What's going on with you? Sweet Papa Graham.

Hi, everybody. So speaking of Netflix, like forever in my stand-up comedy routine, I had a joke about drunk Graham and sober Graham. Okay. And I was finding that I was coming home after a night of drinking and watching Netflix and really fucking up my algorithm of what netflix was putting on the front page for me real dumb dumb idiot this joke existed before netflix oh yeah absolutely uh and so i was like uh because i wouldn't remember what it was that i

had watched but it would show you know like it would show that you halfway through watched, and it was always, like, the dumbest thing I could find. But you had the common sense to turn it off halfway. Anytime I'm drunk and I put something on, I wake up the next day and I'm like, I watched all of... All of Failure to Launch? Like, what?

Yeah, that's the exact type of movie I'm talking about. Failure to Launch, anything romantic mcconaughey my netflix netflix emailed me today yeah and said we have a documentary you might be interested in supersize me so netflix thinks netflix knows i like to watch documentaries but doesn't think i've seen the most famous one from the last decade you heard of this yeah you might like comics we have archie thanks that is totally like what i'm not into redheads well like a relative would hear that you're into comics and buy you a big bag of archie? It's loose,

like one of those garbage bags but it's small. Sometimes you see those black garbage bags but it's not the right size. A big wet garbage bag full of Archies.

Wet on the outside. If you sort through the noodles in there, I think you'll find a blessing surprise. So it's fun reading material like some Archies or a takeout menu for a place that sells noodles in a big old wet bag.

Yeah. Also, you into Lil' Jinx? My aunt would do that growing up. She'd be like, yeah, you like rock music, so here's a CD of Rock Voisin. I'm like 13, I just found Nirvana, I'm like, yeah. I'll put it in the mix yeah let's see what happens I have to put it on

the stereo whenever she comes to visit and be like rock buzzing and dance around you attach a ponytail it feels like people would like

rock buzzing yeah leather vest yeah for the non-Canadian in the audience, Roquefusine was a very 90s, not Quebecois,

New Brunswick. Oh, really? Francophone singer. And like... And handsome. Oh, yeah. Oh, God, I loved that when I was 13. The handsome guys.

Yeah, there was a lot of suburban moms. Yeah, yeah. Fantasizing about Rock Voiseen. And their lady caves. Just the sign going, Rock Voiseen. She would just come. Their lady caves. Why not?

A lady loft. Siri, from now on, please call me Rock Voiseen. From now on, I'll call you Rock Voisey. I'll call you Field Gar. I'll call you Fieldgar. So I set up a secondary account that's just for drunk Graham to watch stupid movies. And I never have looked at what's been going on in there until yesterday. It was like just curiosity. And I've watched several medea films

don't couldn't tell you what happens in any of them uh and uh i think i've uh i watched a couple of rob schneiders got a couple schneiders in the mix and uh like some teen show that i can't remember like pretty little liars or something like that yeah anyways uh so i discovered what uh what drunk rams been up to netflix wise yeah i mean it's weird because you don't get to do whatever you want no on netflix you get to watch what's available i know but i try i think I try to Watch things That I do want to watch So that Netflix will give me more Of that

But I don't I don't go by any recommendations Like I never No? I never Their recommendations? Yeah I never see their recommendations I just see

Like at the top is just my list of Things I've added And we'll never get around to watching Yeah same here. Well, blue is the warmest color, I guess. Oh, yeah. That's, oh, man. That is perennially.

But who has three hours? And who's in the mood to be just, like, depressed, right? Yeah. Isn't that, like, it's a super sad movie? Yeah, but I think there's some pretty good nudity. Well, that's the thing. There's controversy after that movie came out that the actors in it were saying that the director like really like psychologically abused them like

pushed them to go more extreme with like the love scenes and stuff so like there's a bit of like it's supposed to be a good movie but also that seems bad

oh I didn't hear that maybe I'll take it off my list yeah but wait were they really doing it maybe I don't know

sounds French is that a French movie oh bien sur it's very rock and roll c'est la couleur plus chaud Maybe? I don't know. Sounds French. Is it a French movie? Oh, bien sûr. Oh, oui. It's very rock-wazooing. Bleu, c'est la couleur plus chaude. Petit peu chaud.

Oui. Bleu est tellement chaud. The theme song by Rock Wazooing. Bleu est tellement chaud. No, no, no, no, no. Bleu est tellement chaud. Nudité. Moi, j'ai une bonnité. Nudity. I have a ponytail.

Cudity. Mon nom est Rock Pazine. Oh, delay! He's trying to collab with Max so hard. Yeah. Classic Rock Pazine.

When always, my name is rock cuisine somewhere in the song just in case it came out in a mix he would know just so your aunt

would know yeah do it my way that's Frank Sinatra's way so yeah that's what I've been up to cool yeah

I think you're cool oh thanks man I think you're a cool dude yeah great let me flip that's what I've been up to. Cool. Yeah. I think you're cool. Oh, thanks, man. I think you're a cool dude. Yeah. Great. Let me flip on my collar. I do the same thing when inebriated Netflix, just terrible, terrible things. It's a, yeah, it's a, I mean, like you say, as terrible as Netflix will.

But although there are like, as you scroll down, I feel like the top kind of movies are at the very top, like the most famous one. And then you scroll down and you're like, okay, I don't recognize this. I don't recognize anybody in this. And then you're like, this can't be in English. And then you're way, way down. You're like, was this shot for television and then repackaged as a movie? I have this app that tells me, like you check it, it tells you every day what is new on Netflix.

And there's a lot of Korean TV shows. Okay. And two of them are just like, I guess, like licensed versions of American ones. And there's the CSI one called CSIC, Crime Scene Investigation Crime. And is it dubbed in English? I haven't watched it. But then there's a Good Wife one that's... The Korean Good Wife.

I don't know if it's called the Good Wife, but it's got the same font. And same two words in red and white. And then, yeah, a lot of times you'll find a movie that the movie that you know was based on that's from sweden or norway yeah you're like this sounds a lot like a movie i've seen and it's you know the original taken or whatever yeah that's gonna be a tv show now yeah what it's gotta be from the makers of the limitless tv show right that's exactly what i thought when i saw it i was like boy do you guys know how to exploit a pretty flimsy premise? At least Taken, they made three of them.

Yeah, that's true. Like, Limitless was... Limited. Yeah, you got that right. Did you ever see Limitless? No, no. Is that the one where Bradley Cooper takes a brain pill? He takes a see-through brain pill.

They didn't have enough money in the budget to develop the pill, so it's invisible, okay? It's like, what's more science-y than see-through? When you're a kid and you want to get your own phone and you want to get the clear phone so you can see all those circuits for some reason? It's so science-y. The pill is just filled with little circuits.

Ooh, computer. I have a computer now. Yeah, there's the scene where he figures out How to kill the guy And there's a guy skate He doesn't kill a guy But a guy's chasing him Or she does Does she take a limitless pill?

She takes a limitless pill to get out of a sticky situation I forget her name, who was she? Gabby Cornish? And she runs across a public outdoor skating rink, picks up a kid and swings the kid and all, skate blades and all, at the guy chasing her. What? Does he cut the guy with the skates or something?

Well, no, I think he just gets scared. Yeah. It takes 100% of your brain to come up with, throw a kid at a guy who'll freak him out. Does he cut the guy with the skates or something? Well, no, I think he just gets scared. Yeah. It takes 100% of your brain to come up with throw a kid at a guy who'll freak him out. Even the bad guys are like, oh my God, the kid. Like, come on. Yeah. Take 100% of your brain, 0% of your empathy.

Not an empathy pill. That's right. Try to market that, genius. Well, do we want to move on to a bit of business? Yeah man Life can be fun Don't get carried away You gotta do the things you don't want to do To get through the day

You gotta shine your shoes You gotta sweep the floor You gotta clean your house You gotta do some more Take care of business. Stop Podcasting Yourself is brought to you in part by Zip Recruiter. It's the best recruiter. It's Zip Recruiter.

Are you hiring? And do you know where to post a job to find the best candidates? I don't. I've never hired anybody. No? No. I hired this one lady who was a nanny. But she just showed up at my door i didn't

have to how'd she become the nanny ah it's a long story um but if i needed to find a nanny or any other kind of employee it would be nice to know where to go uh-huh so what you do normally in the past you would go to 200 different job sites and post the same ad over and over. Pass. Now, well, the other thing you would do is you'll be working in a bridal shop in Flushing, Queens.

No, no, no. I don't want to get into it. But if you go to ziprecruiter.com, you can post to all those different job sites, including social media, all with a single click.

You can find candidates in any city or industry nationwide. Maybe the nanny industry. Yeah, or whatever other industry that people are needing people in. And you're not going to get Mrs. Doubtfired in this way if you're looking for a nanny. Because what Mrs. Doubtfire would do is send a bunch of bad candidates to make Mrs. Doubtfire look even better.

Yeah, yeah, you're right. I forgot about that. You will not be run by Fruited. You will not put your face in a pie. Or cake. A cake. And right now, our listeners can post jobs on ZipRecruiter for free by going to ZipRecruiter.com slash happy. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash happy.

One more time, try it for free. Go to ZipRecruiter.com slash happy. ZipRecruiter.com slash happy. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash happy. One more time, try it for free. Go to ZipRecruiter.com slash happy. ZipRecruiter. You will not be run by Fruited. And also, we have an ad for a place. It's not a place. It's like a peace of mind. It's a state of mind.

It's a space. It's a space. It's a Squarespace. Thank you. Make your next move with Squarespace. Now, Dave, what is Squarespace? It's a website machine. It is a website machine.

You put your idea for a website into the machine. Yeah. Then you wait seven days. And then they send you an envelope. You open it on stage. You accidentally give the award to the wrong website. You mail it to yourself. No, it doesn't take seven days.

It takes as quick as it is to drag and drop. You design your own website using their award-winning templates. Yeah, so back in the day, if you wanted to have a website, you had to go find a guy, probably in a dark part of town, and give him all your information, and hopefully he would make a website. And I got to tell you, you're in that part of town, you can get run by Fruited. Yeah.

Absolutely. But not with Squarespace. They will also prevent you from being run by Fruited. And it's super easy to use. In fact, in the past you used it to make our our debut album website our debut album.com we made it i made it i guess using my little monkey brain and my long monkey fingers i dragged it i dropped it bada bing bada boom am i being run by fruited no no squarespace for a free trial go uh for a free trial and 10 off your first purchase visit squarespace.com slash spy that is squarespace.com

slash spy well let's uh move on with the show shall we chaotic bro natural jaeger piccosby mount armis the uss entrepreneur dust buster club drunk shimoda what are we talking about some of the many delightful nonsenses that are now important running gags in the star trek podcast we still can't believe we're actually making the greatest generation is a show that is reviewing Star Trek The Next Generation episode by episode, but it's much sillier. It has more fart jokes than that makes it sound. Our reputations may never recover. You can get our show at

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And you're wearing a coconut bra. Overheard. Overheard. It's a segment in which we hear the things out there, and then we report them back. Sometimes our guest realizes the second I say it that that's a segment on the show that he's done before.

But this is only the second time on the show. That's true. That is true. Now, we usually like to start with the guest. But I guess I got a full mind. I don't know. No, I don't. Yeah, actually, I was on the bus

and I heard these two teens and one was like, you know where sex goes and the other kid was like yeah i'm a sex champ ask my dad abuse i did not uh i didn't foresee where that ended did you yeah nope and uh i gotta come clean with you guys uh that was not real what nope you're telling me that a kid didn't admit to his friend casually that his dad calls him the sex champ it's such good let me so confidence building now i go to the sex champ i'd be like yeah i am put that on my resume yeah this is horrible but

you're a sex champ it's a horrible burden to lay on you but You're this generation's sex champ Who was the last generation's sex champ? Robert Redford Did you say Robert Rodriguez? The filmmaker Yeah Yeah I guess Rebel without a camera

Rebel without a Not sex Rebel with a shotgun Is that him? No No Did he do Machete? He did Machete

I consider those sister films Yeah they are They're spiritually linked. I guess, Dave, do you want to start? I could start. We could go completely backwards. What? You've never started.

I'll start. Okay. This changes everything. Spotlight. I was at a local pizza slice, pizza by the slice place. Oh, by the way, between... Oh, yeah, between... Between then and now.

This year. Here's what happened in the break. We went through all the other movies, the one best picture. Yeah. They were all great. Then we watched them all. Yeah. We watched them on Blu-ray.

So we could zoom in on certain things. You can do that on Blu-ray? I think so. Certain films will have it. Oh. I don't know. And we also, a couple weeks ago, well, many weeks ago, I complained that my homemade creme brulees, they're store-bought creme brulees.

Yeah. You put them in the oven and they don't melt right. Yeah, they don't make a little disk. Melt the sugar properly. And so a listener, Tim W., I mentioned a couple weeks ago, sent us a butane torch. That's nice. And we just butaned up some creme brulees and they were really good. Oh, so good.

Thanks, Tim. Thanks, Tim. Yeah, I didn't know I loved creme brulees until right now. Oh, it's delicious. It's like pudding for classy people. Yeah, yeah, it is. It's pudding for adults. It's classy pudding. So, yeah, I was at this pizza slice place,

and these kids were talking about drinking soda, which I don't think kids put that much thought into drinking soda as these kids did. But they were talking about calories. Well, that's kids for you and the one kid said uh yeah every once in a while i'll have a coca-cola i mean i like diet coke it's better for my conscience what does he think diet coke is ethically better like they just killed someone it would just destroy them. Yeah.

First thing he's done so far is drink a Coke. Yeah. Yeah. Kill somebody. But, you know, if you create a high threshold for what's wrong in the household, then this kid's like, I drank a Coke instead of murdering somebody. That's right. For the same high.

Yeah. Do you? I could never get into Diet Coke. No. It tastes bad It's worse than water Yeah The most disgusting drink There is

My mom would always Have it in the fridge And sometimes We'd run out of Standard pop And I'd like I'm like fine I'll have a Diet Coke

Maybe I could just add A bunch of sugar to this Crush a bunch of fruit loops And chuck them in there Oh no We only have sugar twin yeah it's bad I hated it so much

my mom used to pour it around things that I was not supposed to touch like the stereo pour it all over the stereo no but I want to play

rock was it were you not supposed were you not supposed to touch the stereo or were you guys not allowed to touch in your houses oh there was like

a whole dining room that we were do not yeah that touch the stereo? Or were you guys not allowed to touch in your houses? Oh, there was like a whole dining room that we were, do not. Yeah. That is the adult's room. Dining room was key. Yeah, stereo wasn't like a real do not touch, but it was kind of like, it was like my dad's thing. Cause he liked like Alan Parsons project and like kind of, I guess it's like Prague. I'm not even really sure. So he like had that thing like calibrated to the one band that he listened to.

And I'm like, yeah, right. I'm not going to touch that. Right. Yeah. I wasn't allowed to touch fire, fire hot. You're raised by Frankenstein. Yeah. Fire bad.

By Frankenstein. Mr. and Mrs. Frankenstein. Doctor and Mrs. Doctor, Mrs. Frankenstein. Doctor and Mrs. Frankenstein Doctor and Mrs. Doctor and Mrs. Frankenstein Doctor and Doctor Hey when you see the The abbreviation DRS Is that for multiple doctors

Or a married woman doctor I think I just answered My own question I guess DS is for like a doctor, female Mary doctor oh boy Dave do you have an overheard? you know I do

Kevin have you been working on yours? I gotta see this you've just been fucking with your dead stereo this whole time whoops oh you listen to Graham's you're not gonna listen to mine you're gonna fucking with your dead stereo this whole time. Whoops. Oh, you listen to Graham's. You're not going to listen to mine? You're going to be looking at it through your phone the whole time? No, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah. No, that's great.

This is just like... It's like if someone in the audience is on... If 50% of the audience is on their phone right now. Are you there yet, Kevin? I got nothing. I got nothing. nothing i was really making a lot of face so i was in a grocery store and adele was playing hello hello adele was playing hello

and uh i was in line behind a woman and she was paying and she was making small talk with the uh cashier and she said uh don't you find it great now how they have singers who are abundant sized women yeah it is a nice time for that there's uh they never had them before yeah that's right there's adele there's megan trainer oh that's who i was i was like all about the bass girl well you couldn't remember her name because you thought her name was No. What? You know that song? No.

My name is No. My address is No. My email is No. My ICQ is No. Is it her saying, get out of my face? Yeah. Your trainer's trying to live her life? Mrs. Female Doctor No.

Mrs. Female Doctor No. Mrs. Female Doctor No. You don't know that song? My name is No. My social security number is No. Do you know this song? No. No, you know, I think she had a song called Dear Future Ex-Husband. Future Ex-Female Doctor.

Married. so that's it that's it Kevin didn't come up with one sorry guys he looked at his phone made some hilarious faces yeah he really Mr. Beaten it up

yeah I uh yeah I don't interact with a lot of people married heart problems I stay indoors no you're interacting

with those doctors all the time oh that's right well okay so there's something uh so i overheard this guy say we're gonna put something in your groin and it's gonna shoot to your heart yeah there's that there's the guy before i got the ablation i was really reticent to get like a surgery and so i was like i was going in this is probably the fifth time i was getting defibrillated and he was like um he was just he was very he's smarmy for a doctor which is saying a lot i think and he was just like you have your ablation yet and i was

like uh no actually i was just thinking you know i should um you know just try and get a handle on it this way you know i think maybe there's some triggers that i can manage like get the ablation i'm like okay well yeah i'm just a little bit freaked out about the surgery and he's like get the ablation okay and then like they freaked out about the surgery. And he's like, get the ablation. Okay. And then the gut defibrillated, and later he's like, get the ablation. I'm like, how am I putting you out? You stood there with your arms crossed the entire time.

Didn't do shit. So pissed at me. Yeah, but maybe he gets a little kickback from the ablation. Oh, yeah, maybe he does. Isn't Tiger Woods an ablation? And so there was this other time where I was talking about ablation fucks. Oh yeah, maybe he does. Isn't Tiger Woods an ablation? And so there was this other time where I was talking about ablation and this guy said, wasn't Tiger Woods an ablation? Oh.

Ew. Ew. Now we also have overheards. Do you have the ablation yet? Yeah, are you getting the ablation? Oh, I might get another ablation Yeah, yeah, yeah Get the ablation

I'll get it We're doing two for one ablations The punch card is two Two cards So when you go to the When you go to the emergency room You first go to triage And you just tell them

Ablation? I need to be defibrillated Yeah, I go Oh, my heart's off rhythm I have atrial fibrillation. You know, I got here to get cardio averted is what they call it. And then they're like, okay. And they check me and they check my pulse.

I'm like, all right. And they guide me into the room. So you don't have to go through the, like, you know what you're talking about when you go there. Like, they don't, they don't, like, I feel like if anytime I go to the emergency room, they're like, they think you're dumb. Oh, yeah. They always think you're dumb for being there. I tell them, and they still treat me kind of the same way until I get in there, and then they feel my pulse and stuff, and they're just kind of like, okay. Yeah, and then they hook me up to the...

Yeah, the last time that I... Does your pulse, like, you know, be bopping, scatting around? Tat, tat, tat, tat, tat. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Because the last time you went to the ER was for a superficial wound. Well, I mean, I don't think it was superficial.

I think looks matter in this world, but I had the same thing and they, I cut my finger and they made it seem, they were like, well, why did you come here for stitches? And I was like, what,

what, who else does them? Yeah. Like what else would i do michael's just down there you grab a thread and a needle and you do it yourself but that was like the admissions nurse said well i don't think you need stitches and i was like but it won't stop bleeding like if she had been like here's some meta glue go glue it i would have done it but it's a glue they have glue glue it metaglue? For someone who goes

To the ER so often He goes like Hey there's no glue For the heart Well there probably is There probably is Write that down Graham Heart of glue

That's a hit song No there's no glue For the heart Now we also have Overheards sent in From people around the world If you want to send one in You can send it in

To spy At maximumfun.org Like these people did. This first one came from Becky BB. She's got two last names, and they're both with B's. From Edmonton.

Overheard during the intermission at the symphony. A person saying, I'm at the point where I'm so worried about getting a brain injury i wear a bike helmet while driving i mean i guess yeah you're you could get one driving yeah and i feel like when did they decide that driving didn't need to have a helmet because it seems like a place that it makes a lot of sense. They have a lot of safety mechanisms in your

car. But back in the old, like, you know, the first, say, the first decades. But they didn't have bike helmets back then either. No. The car itself is kind of a helmet. They didn't have plastic back then. Yeah. That's true. But didn't they have war helmets of some sort? Or were they going to use a dinosaur egg? Yeah, Dave. Why didn't they use a dinosaur egg?

Because they're under protection of the dinosaurs. This next one comes from Andy H. in Seattle. Hi. This was after the Women's March in Seattle. My brother and I got on the bus and sat down next to some exhausted moms and their two 7 to 10-year-old sons. One yelled, we're on the city bus, at their mom. The other boy took his hat off, folded it in half, put it under his chin, and sang, I've got the best beard. It's the biggest beard, and that's what makes it the best.

What a fun kid. Yeah, those are fun fun they were enjoying being on the city bus yeah i mean they probably had a lot of fun at that women's takes a village to enjoy being on the city bus there's a pretty big difference between the creativity of the two kids though obvious fact i'm creating a mystery world for myself and i've decided on the rules of that world. Yeah, that's true. One kid's a real just, no, this is the way it is. We were at the Women's March. Now we're on the bus.

Now we're home. Good night, everybody. I mean, there's a place for that. It's pretty cute. Yeah. A kid is narrating what you're doing. It is fun. Yeah.

All right, Dad. Look, I've had upwards of one kid. Yeah. Two, in fact. Is that what upwards mean? I don't know. I've never,

I don't think I've ever used it in conversation. And one of them sometimes narrates things. Yeah. I heard her say, let's go play bath time. Oh yeah. Yeah. That's fun. That's very cute.

Yeah. If I saw, if I heard a kid Saying we're on a city bus I'd probably have been like Alright kid Here's some candy And their parents would be like

Hey hey hey Don't Don't do that That's cool kid Let's go have a bath Yeah yeah You're throwing it From the back of the bus

Here's some candy kid The Werther's original Your kid's so cute Why am I Why am I eating Werther's original Unwrap it too It's more aerodynamic.

Can I give your kid a bath? He's so cute. Yeah. Can I bathe him? If I put him in the bath and I'm bathing will he say, I'm in the bath with a strange man. I'm scared. Will he say things like that? I won't get in the bath with him.

I just got a nice bathtub and it's too small for me i think your kid would like my bath i'm graham i don't know where that came from uh this last one comes from uh a gentleman named thor what yeah all the way over in sweden hi sw Sweden. He's from a place in Sweden called Kristianstad. Uh-huh. But now he lives outside Lund. Lund. Yeah.

Oh, boy. That's in Skåne. That's the region or the? Yeah, it's in the south. Well. He's probably, you know, he probably, you know, hangs out in Malmö. Probably goes to Helsingborg. Mm-hmm.

Maybe Jatibori Lanskrona You know the big ones Yeah yeah And what does he eat While he's there? Kipper Yeah like Like a kipper

Like a kipper Like a kipper I don't know Like fish You know like Swedish I was hoping you were Going to narrate

What he had for dinner I don't You were a cute kid once I've seen photos I was so cute Oh boy to narrate what he had for dinner. I don't. You were a cute kid once. I've seen photos. I was so cute. Oh, boy, I could bathe like a motherfucker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With strangers, without them, fine.

Didn't matter. A while ago, I took a cab ride in Gothenburg. Yes, buddy. To one of my employer's offices. This is the conversation between me and the cab driver, who I noticed from the accent really was from Gothenburg. Driver, so where are you from? Me, Christianstead. Driver, oh, I used to live in Christianstead.

Me, really? Driver, well, I lived outside Christianstead. Oh, cool. I know that place well. Yeah, I only spent two months there. Oh, cool. I know that place well. Yeah, I only spent two months there. Oh, um, were you in prison? Driver, yeah.

That is a very funny way to say that you used to live somewhere. If you start that conversation, it's gonna be like, oh yeah, did you go to that coffee shop? Can I had my own coffee yeah

kinda went to the commissary I lived on this island in New York Coney no Long no

Rikers yeah yeah I used to live in a place San Francisco real nice view of the bridge

oh the rock yeah yeah yeah yeah I lived there too I had all these birds I was trying to get Nice San Francisco, real nice view of the bridge. Oh, the rock. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You remember it? Yeah, I lived there too. I had all these birds. I was trying to get rid of this nerve gas and little balls. You were my cellmate.

I was your warden. This Fitz Henry, you shanked me on my last day there. Graham is doing a great spoof of an Oil of Olay commercial from 1986. Okay. Yeah, that's about right. It was post-Top Gun. Yeah. That's how I remember Oil of Olay commercials. We'll post it on the blog.

That was the year that Top Gun won Best Picture. ATG, after Top Gun. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. And guys, do you like to call us? Because this is the way to do it. You get your phone device. You plug it into the wall.

Make sure it's charged. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And make sure that you have a provider. Make sure you've paid your bill. Or if you want to step up, you should be a provider. Oh, yeah. And dial these numbers.

1-844-779-7631 that is one uh spy pod one like these people have Dave's needs an ablation hey Dave and Graham this is is Chris from Ottawa calling. I was at a McDonald's and there was a young couple, like early 20s maybe, in front of me. And the guy says, yeah, so money's pretty good, but I have an idea for a business that I probably won't have to be working my other job soon. And the girl says, oh, yeah? What's that? And the guy says, pretty much like a store online.

It's like a website where you can get stuff that you can't buy in-store. And then she goes, like what? And he goes, like products or something. Wow, you should do it. It's my dream. Yeah, whatever. wow you should do it it's my dream you know whatever whatever people need bike tires

things you can't buy in stores so like integrity space shuttles space shuttles integrity dinosaur shell for your driving

dinosaur shell helmet yeah shellmet the prequel to Apollo 13 13 that me my dad made not available in stores apollo 12 your dad's space station that goes fine yeah totally fine me and my dad getting along did you guys do the special effects yourself yeah it was you you guys made it and started it yeah we started it as ourselves we played ourselves yeah and we started it. As ourselves. We played ourselves.

In real time. Calling Captain Dad. What is it, son? What is it, sex champ? Dad, I've got the moon now. Where do I have sex? Here's your next phone call.

Let me save you. Hello, Dave Graham, possible guest guest This is Sarah in Austin, Texas I'm at a state park And close to the visitor center I saw a family of three Walking out And a little boy, probably seven Was chattering, but I couldn't really

Understand him, but his parents Both cracked up, they started laughing I was like, what could he have? Seven-year-olds aren't that funny. And the kid goes, what? And the mom says, oh, nothing. I just never thought I'd

hear the word stoked come out of your mouth. That's nice. Kid wearing like an Argyle sweater and carrying around a little pocket chest or something. Oh, mother, I'm ever so stoked. Stoked for the changing of the seasons, mother. When is too young for a kid to be stoked?

Well, she said she didn't think she'd ever hear it. Oh, your kid's definitely going to be stoked about something. Your kid's going to be stoked. At a certain point, they're going to feel a feeling that can only be described as stoked. I don't know if I've ever said I'm stoked. What? Like your kid wasn't born

and they're like, it's a girl and you're like, ah, stoked. Oh, it's totally classic. Classic me. Ugh. Classic me.

Totally classic. The ugh wasn't part of it. It is now. When do you get stoked? Well, whenever I have a baby, whenever I brush my teeth, whenever I... What are you stoked on these days, bro? You know, the Oscars, anything to do with mixing chocolate and mint, you know, a cookie or an ice cream or whatever. Or brushing your teeth while eating a chocolate bar.

Totally. Nothing gets me more stoked. Just taking my toothbrush and just swiping it in some ice cream and just brushing my teeth with it. Stoked. Getting stoked. Getting stoking. Yeah.

I guess that holds. Here's your final overheard. Hey, stop podcasting yourself. This is Dash in New Jersey. Dash? Hey, Dash. I was leaving a anarchist bookstore in Philadelphia over the weekend. Nobody worked in there. I was walking in, talking to somebody else.

Hey, shit. He books all over the place. He goes, put the treat inside a whoopie pie. And Skippy just goes nuts. I don't know what any of those things are. Well, I know what a treat is, but what's a Whoopie Pie? I think it's like a big fat Oreo.

You could be making that up. I really want that to be true. A big old Whoopie Pie, a big fat Oreo. But you guys didn't really even listen because you were making fun of the anarchist book you heard a guy say that he put a treat in a book it's fine let's make one of those yeah there were books all over the floor it's never open or it's always open books that are

that are just like it's just pages on the outside this just covers on the inside the cookbook section is is just the anarchist one section is just whoopie pie it says books or you just go in and there's no books like it's just it's that other guy's store it's got shampoo and bike tires this is my new uh project my new business is a store you go in and everyone's confused. What do you guys sell? Nothing's for sale. You just walk in the door and you're behind the counter and someone comes up to you and goes,

Where is my thing? You're like, what? I work here now? Yeah, that would be a great prank store. If you open the front door and suddenly you're behind the counter and people are abusing you. People in line. Where's my cold cut trio, motherfucker? You just work there really hard.

Trying so hard. In the money of the month. And then you leave and you're in like a metal foundry and you have to work in a metal foundry for a while. Why am I here now? If you see this happening on Just for Laughs Gags in the next few years, tell us. If you're on a plane watching Just for Laughs Gags while that's happening. I was making cold cut treats. And now I'm in a battle factory where everything's hot.

It's hot now. I thought it was hot by that toaster. It's not here. Oh, Kevin. Dave's asleep. He's asleep. He's asleep. He's asleep. He's asleep. asleep guys it's nine o'clock almost he slithered into his leather beanbag chair in the man cave he's in his full silk pajamas this pipe sit on a leather beanbag chair so masculine the uh tobacco our our child margo has um every morning she wakes up and her hair is the biggest rat's nest of uh what rats yeah yeah oh no that's the worst uh no it's just like it's tangled up

and we will you know we'll after she takes a bath at night we'll comb it out and it'll be no more tears it'll be super straight and and then she goes to bed and wakes up and it'll be perfect. No more tears. It'll be super straight and then she goes to bed and wakes up and it's like a bomb went off in her face. Oh, she's got the black soot all over her face. Papa, I'm so stoked

for you to comb my hair today. And apparently the thing you can do to prevent this is to get a silk pillowcase. Oh, yeah. Because their hair slips against it in a weird way.

Really set her up for a lifetime of fanciness. Right. Do they make baby silk pillowcases? What kind of? I know this weirdo who likes to take a bath with babies. He makes them. And also, do they make adult silk pillowcases? Yeah, for sure.

There's people that sleep on silk sheets. Nothing but silk. Yeah, they start on one side of the bed, and then over the course of the night, they just... This is another weird thing about my aunt. I realized at one point for Christmas, she got me a pair of silk boxers. That's pretty cool. And I was like, do I... what? I put them on, and it was so strange.

It was a very weird experience. I want to get a pair. Did she say like, go try them on. Mom's like, get them on. Come back down and model them for us. Model them for us. I don't know why I can picture that so clearly.

Put on your Wayne Gretzky jersey that we also bought you. So we're wearing a Wayne Gretzky jersey and these also bought you. And these maroon silk boxers. Why did I know they were maroon? They were definitely maroon. You go to the bathroom and there's a bit of drippage and in silk boxers it's horrifying. It's not a great scene. Also they're so stimulating

you can't get your boner down long enough to pee. Next week is the start of the MaxFunDrive. Oh, boy. Oh, man. The idea of an ad buying a nephew's softboxes.

I know my son likes Roquefousine and sexy softboxes. He's 13. He's 13. He's gonna be a weird 14-year-old. I really want to start this. I really want to try and create a perv. I'm starting late but I think I can do some really bomb moves here late in the game.

But like you had started getting into Nirvana so she got you a Rock of Azine CD. What precipitated the silk boxers? What were you getting into? Some flannel shorts. I've been really getting into like slippery genital area.

Oh boy. Silk boxers, man. Yeah. I don't think there's any funnier undergarment. Have you ever had a pair? Silk? Yeah. No.

I remember it being a thing. Oh, I like you would see Boyz II Men wearing them. That's what she based it on. Oh, he likes popular music. Well, what's there? Oh, Boyz II Men. Let's get some silk boxers. I know you like Boyz II Men. them. That's what she based it on. Oh, he likes popular music. Well, what's there? Oh, Boyz II Men. Let's get him some silly boxers.

I know you like Boyz II Men. Here are some boxer shorts. Here's some boxers and like a shitload of candles and like curtains everywhere. I just love the idea of parents go model. Model them for us.

It's my version of a Christmas story. It's way more traumatic. I'll make love to you. You put on the music. You have the lipstick on the staircase. Put the hands up. Like, you want me to.

But I'm crying. I don't want to do this. Okay. Alright, that's enough. That's enough. Kevin, do you have anything upcoming that you would like to plug? No, nothing particular. Sunday service every Sunday at the Fox Cabaret in Vancouver.

Yeah, that's about it, I'd say. I do that. Comedy shows around town. Yeah. Support those things. That's great. Sure. What if people want to find you online somewhere

oh boy good luck good luck I kind of I delete I don't use Twitter I have a Twitter thing I don't know what the handle is

I think it's probably the realist Kevin Lee that's probably a good place to start I think that's on Instagram that's a good place to start the investigation

but you deleted it I have Twitter account exists but I deleted the app off my phone because I never use it I always felt bad people would be like

a new person followed you and I'm like for what Like I never tweet Silkboxer update I could get more entertaining online I guess Nah you're fine Thanks yeah this is online This counts yeah thanks guys

Um and uh We like you said This uh next coming week MaxFunDrive Week one of two Yeah Uh And the week after that Week two of two

Yeah And then way way Off in the future In July July 8th We're in Toronto Yeah

Still don't know About tickets for that Nah but you know what Go to Kevin Lee's Twitter account For a link Yeah I'm always tweeting

Hot plain deals For us to start doing that You know we're not Going to Toronto Lee's Twitter account for a link. Yeah, I'm always tweeting hot plane deals. You know, we're not going to Toronto for people to fly there. We're going to Toronto to entertain the people who are already there.

Yeah, this is for you guys to follow my tweets to get some sweet deals. Oh, okay. Tickets, you thought you were

talking plane tickets, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mystic that you

meant tickets to the show. Yeah, understood. Thank you very much for being our guest. Thank you for having me. And you out there, if you like the show, head over to MaximumFun.org. Check out the blog recap, pictures and videos relating to the content of this podcast. Surely a picture of something Archie related.

Oh, yeah. And definitely a picture of, or definitely that Oil of Olay commercial. Yeah. I promised you. Pictures from every single Oscar winner from 1993 forwards. Yeah. I think, yeah.

Yeah. I don't think we will. No. And, and you know what? If you like the show, tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Star Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org

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