Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 47 - Craig Anderson

Episode Date: January 27, 2009

Sketchy comedian Craig Anderson joins us to talk about the conventions of music videos, sandwiches, and Canadian blokes.  We also stuntcast The X-Files.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 47 in a series of 1200. My name is Graham Clark and joining me is the man that Spike Television called their man of the year 2006, Dave Shumka. 2006? Mm-hmm.

Uh, okay. Look at your plaque. Yeah, alright. was spike television around then it was just blossoming it had it had been uh tnn yeah the nashville network and i i'm not mistaken am i no yeah i think you're right and then they went to um ultimate fighting and such yeah uh jack links is that a thing mansers is jack links the beef jerky it's a beef jerky yeah it's a beef jerky yeah jack links ufc mansers afc uh axe body spray and weekly showings of uh anything starring denzel washington and the big guy from sopranos

hosting in between gambling movies and that voice you're hearing right there is our guest for this week. Actor, sketch comic, show producer, musician, and somebody who was here for the Christmas episode and sang a wonderful song called Christmas with the Andersons. Was that the name of it? Was that the name of it? It is now. All right.

We should play that at the end of this episode. Christmas with the Cranks, maybe. Oh, yeah. No, that's a movie he auditioned for. A very, very funny man, Mr. Craig Anderson, is here with us. Hi, guys. Thank you for joining us. Thank you for that lovely introduction.

I try. We're consummate hosts. Consummate hosts. Yes, we're like a beef stock. Should we get to know us? Please. Get to know us. Well, as is our tradition, we always go with the guest first and just get to know you.

So what's going on? What's new? What's interesting? Before he even says it, I think I know what I want to get to know about. Well, let's just let the boy all right let him talk uh yeah um been uh had a i all right i had last week you're you were supposed to be i was supposed to be here and i but you had to cancel very late yeah a work commitment a work commitment which at first I didn't admit to you guys.

I vaguely told Dave that I have something to do tomorrow that I can't not do. Which we assumed was some sort of hit, like a murder. Usually if someone cancels, they're banned for life. But when you told us why you had to cancel, we fell over ourselves trying to get you back the following week. I appeared in a Nickelback video.

Forthcoming Nickelback video. As a teen bad boy who takes advantage of a young woman and then gets his comeuppance when the young woman's father beats me up a bunch. Is the father played by Nickelback?

No. Like they all go together to make some kind of robot? Yeah, like some kind of giant father. Nickelback, unite to form the angry father figure. No, the father was played by a huge guy with huge fists. Did he ever, did he pull his punches? Yeah, he did, because we weren't allowed to show him punching my face. So what's the, is this one of those music videos where they,

because I've worked on music videos. Have you worked on music videos? No, sir. The thing with, where they have the live band segment, they just play the music on a loop over and over and over again, so you have to hear this song 70, 80 times a day. Was that the case here? Were you filming the dramatic portion that didn't need to be sent to music?

Both. I was in the story section, or parable. Nickelback does deal mostly in parables. In parable. Nickelback does deal mostly in parables. In parable. That's the sepia tone of the... Denotes parable. Where there are a lot of mirrors breaking. Yeah.

No, I did have to sing along to it for a while. At one point when I'm in my bad boy car, I turn on the radio and it happens to be the song and then I sing along. So did you have to learn, you had to come to set knowing the song? Yes. But that was no problem for you as we all are huge Nickelback fans and we all own their most recent album. I Wanna Be a Rockstar. Is that what it's called?

I don't know. That was one of the songs. Dark Horse. Dark Horse. Name of the album. What's the name of the song that you did the video? It's called? I don't know. That was one of the songs. Dark Horse. Dark Horse. Name of the album. What's the name of the song that you did the video? It's called I'd Come For You. Everyone laughs.

No, it's not. It is. No, it's not. But it's very clean. It's not... The parable had nothing to do with whatever you're thinking. Right. And I'm sure...

We don't deal in filth here, but Nickelback, please. Come on. But I mean, of course they had to be aware of the... I don't know. They're aware of the i don't know they're classy guys i don't know that they would know the street slang they're classy yeah that's true is that street um well it's not something your doctor would say yeah or maybe it would it might be yeah i don't know i've never actually talked to a doctor about that particularly whether he would or wouldn't for you about that thing that we're not mentioning directly

I'd like to do it yeah so did you, were Nickelback, were they there? they weren't there, but I got to see the huge stage that they were constructing for the performance portion of the video that seems to be

maybe I've seen every Nickelback video maybe I've only seen one. The only one I've seen is the one with Spider-Man and the other one with Elijah Dushku. The Spider-Man one is actually just Chad Kroger with another guy. With Josie Scott. With Spider-Man? With Josie Scott and Spider-Man. Spider-Man.

Spider-Man was on backup vocals. I think Spider-Man wrote the song. Yeah. Yeah, okay. It was a dedication to Doc Ock. spider-man wrote the song yeah yeah okay it was a dedication to doc ock um and uh but the videos all seem rather similar and i'm sure not that hey i want to be a rock star that one's great that one broke the mold i don't know i don't know that one do you remember uh there's a part where zz tops in it yeah yeah yeah it's it's in the grand tradition of, you know, sometimes a band will have a video that just has a lot of famous people in it.

A la Ray Parker Jr. Ghostbusters. No, I was thinking of Treble Charger. That one that had Avril Lavigne, Sum 41. It had Gob. Did it have Gob? It also had, I forget. Tom Cochran. That might have been it.

But the, yeah, it's like that. Swallow Members. Oh, yeah, Swallow Members was in it. Yeah, but the Ray Parker Jr. Ghostbusters one has like John Candy and like actually almost half of the cast of SCTV is in it for some reason. Wow. Do you know what I'm talking about? I don't think so. It's called YouTube.

Alright. Check it out. But yeah, that is the same. It's just a bunch of famous people singing the song. You're thinking of Do They Know It's Christmas. That's right. Interesting fact,

the director of the Nickelback video also directed the video for Do They Know It's Christmas. No way! Yeah, he's this old guard, super director of music videos. So tell us, what was it like? What was it like shooting on a... Because I worked on music videos, but they were crappy CanCon bands that nobody's heard of. This is a crappy CanCon band.

That everybody's heard of. In my humble opinion, but everyone has heard of them. It was, there was like a pretty complicated fight scene, which was awesome. It fell on my hip a lot. But you, did you throw any punches or did you just get? I tried to hit him with a crowbar. They gave me a rubber crowbar that I tried to murder him with. It was great, yeah.

And then they put cuts and blood all over my face. That was really fun. So the theme of the video was date rape. Yes. Date rape revenge. Attempted date rape. Oh, you didn't. Well, I don't know what.

All right, we're steering towards. It's in the title of the song. It's in the title of the song. That's right. It's implied. Great. So like the guy, the guy that plays the dad yes first of all the guy the girl who plays the girl yes uh she was she is she good to work with i'm really getting into what was that like yeah exactly i'm trying to do the J-Lo.

At what point do you have, like, a useless flat-screen TV raised from behind this couch to show the clip? Can we see a clip? Did you do any on-screen kissing? No. Oh, no. Any off-screen kissing? No. I did a lot of, like, it all has to be kind of PG,

so I just kind of, like like I put my hand on her hip and kind of like just moved it a little bit up and down a little bit oh man suggestively is there a point in the video where she's there

and then you reach for her but she dissolves there is not oh okay we should be music video directors yeah it seems like we got a pretty good handle when i when i was in um when i was at bcit for for tv production one of the assignments was a music video and half

the music videos had the uh someone remembering a lost love and they reach for them and then they dissolve we called it where'd you go dissolving yeah what are some of the there's the broken mirror the dissolving woman is great um obviously uh singing to camera using fisheye lens has been one of my favorites over the years yeah anything from the bon jovi always video what about confetti like silver colored confetti falling from the uh sky is that a would you say that's a convention or is that exclusive to mace are we talking are we talking about all music videos or the ones with the sepia tone uh parables parables oh the sepia tone parable no i was just talking all music videos just uh some of the standard conventions of...

What about when in, I think this is a Sarah McLachlan trademark, when maybe Sarah McLachlan is singing in normal speed and everything else is happening at a different speed around her. Ooh, that is a good one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's been used to great effect over the years. What about when... Everyone from McLachlan to the Spice Girls.

How about the use of old automobiles? Yes. Look at that old Studebaker. Yeah, an old automobile. You were mentioning Mace. Yeah. He makes me feel so good. There was the Like

The same time with the Missy Elliot With the inflatable suit thing And then there was that Monster Magnet song, Space Lord Oh yeah, I recall it very well Which was very hip hop Mind you, the song itself Was strictly rock and roll

It was a straight ahead rock song That was their one thing, right they did uh space lord mother mother yeah been stuffed all right what else what's another i'm trying to think of another song i can't remember there's the one where he's on the the recliner going through space what's another music video i can't think of any other ones. Well, the one thing is the convention of recording. The playback that the band hears is fast. And so when you actually see the band playing, the song's going at regular speed,

but the band's going in slow motion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your Undone the Sweater song. How about the convention of uh there's like a like it seemed like it was very popular in hip-hop videos where it was something at the beginning there's some dialogue at the beginning that sets up some sort of storyline beyonce still uses it pretty heavily in her videos yeah sets up a storyline and then at the end there's kind of like sort of a conclusionary Like the video is, the song

is over but then there's still like 30 seconds more of video to wrap up the story. That was in the her latest, the one about If I Was A Boy. They break right in the middle and go right into it. Oh, that's another one. Breaking in the middle for a little bit of a story.

That's very, like what was the Mariah Carey one where she's making all these escapes? She's of a story. That's very... What was the Mariah Carey one where she's making all these escapes? She's like a spy. Is that Honey? Might be Honey. Yeah, she's on a Sea-Doo. The Sea-Doo one?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Oh, also the one where she was in the movie theater with Jerry O'Connell. That's right. Yeah, where she gets in the cat fight in the bathroom. Was that Honey? No, that was Heartbreaker

Give me your love Give me your love Man, so many music video conventions Yeah, the sepia tone though One of my favorites So yeah, you didn't get to meet Chad Kroger But you're in with him He might know who I am soon.

You could probably get us tickets. Yeah. To an event? Possibly the monster truck rally on the 31st. Is anybody else here excited about that? No. They might be the only one excited about it. They don't allow, there's no drinking at it anymore, and there's like no, I don't know.

You don't have to drink at it? It's like a police state in there. Because I went with some friends like four or five years ago, and I remember like at the end, we all like looked around our section, and I could see like five fistfights in progress. No, but that's, I thought that was the entire point. That's the allure of it to me. Well, there's a lot, I think they just got tired of hipsters dressing up as white trash

and wearing a mullet wig and showing up. Here's a thing that I don't understand. When I watch the ad for it, it says two-time world champion Batman and three-time world champion Gravedigger. Which means that he's either lost,

because there's one time, two time, and then three times, so either he's lost consistently for the last three years and he's really on his way out, Gravedigger. And where are these world championships happening? That is my most pressing question. Because I never ever hear about the world championships of monster trucking. I was getting those stats from someone's

like, from someone's Xbox game for monster truck. No, but they're like rivals. They just keep going. Batman hasn't had three years of losing. They've been kind of going back and forth, I imagine, a la Brian Orser and Brian Boitano. So you're saying it's staged

like the Orser-Boitano feud? I don't know that it was a feud so much as a... Back and forth? A romance? Oh, you know what word needs to go bromance that's done right i think there's a tv show maybe on i'm sure that's i think the official like that's where you're actually burying the word is when mtv comes out with a tv show based on a saying on how cutting edge they think the word is. Because even in the promo for it

they're like, a bromance is this. And I'm like, well, anybody who doesn't know what it is is going to be revolted by the idea of guys liking each other. Right? Yeah. Oh, it's Have you seen the show, Graham? No. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've only seen one episode.

But one guy everyone's trying to gain the affection, the kinship of Brody Jenner, one of Hollywood's top Jenners. Right after Bruce. I think Brody Jenner used to have another reality show with his brother that was called like Princes of Malibu or something. David Foster's Step kids or something. Wasn't the Jenner kid, wasn't he on like the hills? Wasn't that why he was famous? He was on the hill.

Somehow that got him his own show somehow. He's got his hand in a bunch of different. He still is on the hills. He's got his hand in a bunch of different piles. I lost the. No, that is the exact right. That's how you say it. I think he's got ir hand in a bunch of different piles I lost the No that is the exact right phrase That's how you say it I think He's got irons in a few stacks of shit

That's the upcoming title of a reality show Hands in different piles I got hands in different piles But Yeah Everyone's vying for his friendship And one guy Everyone had to do...

But what does that mean, even? Yeah, it's kind of like Paris Hilton's new BFF. Which she dumped. She did, yeah. But on this one episode, they all had to do something to show him a good time. So one guy... But isn't the undertone of it that why don't you just let me finish i'm sorry sorry go ahead uh one guy did a made a mini golf course one guy did a stand

up comedy act and no one laughed at it uh and then one guy was like okay i want to talk about personal style uh and it was some nonsense and then he finished by getting the same tattoo that Brody Jenner had on his chest. No. Yep, in the same font. Brody Jenner has Jenner tattooed on his chest. So some guy got Jenner tattooed on his chest? No, he got his own last name, but in the same font, in the same exact place. But the guys, they're all gay, right?

Yeah. Like all the guys that are competing all gay, right? Yeah. Like all the guys that are competing. Is he gay? Yeah. Brody Jenner is gay. Absolutely. So they're all just vying for having gays. I thought it was just about being buddies.

No, yeah. I was just playing along. So it isn't gay. No. Well, no, it is gay. It sounds pretty gay. If you get a matching tattoo to another guy and you're not in the Navy... It's really weird.

Yeah. If it's not an anchor. Yeah, exactly. Because you love Popeye. Let's get to know you, Dave. All right. Or did we? Was that your portion?

Well, the big thing that happened to me this week... Well, first of all, I've been at Yuck Yucks all weekend with Vic Lepucci and Patrick Malija. I refer to the three of us as the three people you meet in heaven. But other than that, my week has

consisted of Lost premiered this week. The new season of Lost. Graham, you really gotta to get into this. No, I mean, yeah, I got other things going on. Do you like time travel? Yeah, I do like time travel. That's what it's finally about.

Is it really? Yeah. Wow. But now I don't need to watch it. Now you've done the big reveal. Well, no, but there's more reveals coming. But if I watch it the whole time and I'm like, I just want to get to this time travel bit. No, it's really very good.

I've got to watch The Wire before I get down to any watching of Lost, I think. All right, but you're not going to like all the street language if you couldn't say the Nickelback title. No, it wasn't that I can't say it. I can say it. I can delve into the piles of whatever. You can put your hands in many different piles. Thank you, puddles. Yeah, so it's a very complicated TV show,

and so I had to do a lot of catching up, and it hasn't been on since May. I was going to say you were looking a little more stressed. Yeah, I had to do a lot of catching up, a lot of research, but I'm back on board. I might need to re-watch that first episode again so i got my work cut out for me nice yeah and that's it yeah why no i was just wondering if there was more no how'd it go last night at the yuck yucks pretty good i was out there at the late show yeah

you did very well ah you were wearing a spiffy sports coat and a tie and I dumbed it down yeah he did a lot of relationship material men and women are fundamentally different but in the ways that we're the same is where we come together I think that's the name of that Nickelback film hey now I just waved that one off.

I went to an industry party. What kind of industry? Mining. Yeah, the mining industry. Primary. Resource. Yeah. We went and saw the newest drill bits that they're using.

It was great. I got black lung and then I went home. Still coal? Is it still mostly coal uh what mining yeah now we do some lithium ion batteries yes we do a lot of battery mining and uh yeah we just do a lot of work in overtime we do some of that t-cob in it yeah i uh i went to was it was the of, I don't know what company it was, but DVDs for the fall. And they have like a party and you go to the party and they give you a gift bag. And there was a lady walking around. I guess the big release was the movie Rock and Roll. Was the big release also the name of that?

Nickelback? Yeah. Wave it off. Wave it off. I don't need this but there was it was a lady at this event that was paid her entire job was you know you've seen like the like body painting where it's a lady's topless but they make it look like she's wearing some sort of garment yeah okay usually yeah you know i remember demi moore doing it back in my dreams. No, back when I was becoming a woman.

What movie was that? No, it was like a magazine cover. Oh, and she was made to look like she was wearing maybe a vest? Like a tuxedo. Like a tie, yeah. Okay. Yeah, it was like that, only it was basically an ad for the movie Rock and Rolla. Oh.

But she would walk around and chat to people. She was very friendly. But also your entire life training of trying to not look at women's breasts and maintain eye contact all of a sudden came into... It was the test of a lifetime to see if I could do it. But here's the weird thing. I pass with flying colors. Right. But here's the thing that I found a little odd about the whole thing.

She had these painted up breast area. But also she was wearing crazy eyelashes that made her eyelashes look like, what do you call it? Like fox fur eyelashes. Jennifer Lopez got in trouble for wearing them with PETA. Oh, really? But they're eyelashes that make it look like cartoony. Like Betty Boop.

They go out of your face about two inches. Gross. Like each eyelid is the hood of a parka. Yeah, exactly. But so why would you be topless but also make a point of drawing attention to your eyes? You know what I mean? Like it was a constant battle, it seemed. She was wearing a movie poster on her chest, which was naked,

and also giant Foxfur eyelashes on her face, which was also naked. Yeah, I can imagine the competition. But isn't that, that's a weird thing. It was like she decided at the last minute, like, I can't have this just be about my chest. I'll try and draw attention upwards. I don't think she was probably making the decisions. I don't think she was layering her seduction.

Have you seen Rock and Rolla? Yes. Did you fall asleep? I did. Oh, but I did. No, the only movie I've fallen asleep at in the past six months was the James Bond movie. Oh, I saw Rock and Rolla at home in the comfort of my couch. In bed.

Were you watching it just before you went to bed? Yeah. There were some down parts in it. But it was 9 o'clock. I fell asleep at 9 o'clock. I've been jet lagged still. Still? Well, not anymore, but I watched it a couple weeks ago.

It's not important. I fell asleep and I don't feel like I need to go back and catch up on it no i mean it's have you seen it i haven't are you desperate to see jeremy piven and ludacris's collaboration see what comes out of that well maybe yeah yeah well then then maybe it's the movie for you i didn't really buy piven and Smokin' Aces. Was it Smokin' Aces? Smokin' Aces. I didn't buy them in that. I bought it. I bought it.

Lock, stock, and two smokin' barrels. Wave it off. Now. I like this phrase. Wave it off. Gray Gray. Yeah, yeah. I'm sitting here with Gray Gray and Kregers.

Thank you. And you mentioned to me last night something about a photo shoot and you had to buy a shirt. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. You told me this, too. Yeah, that's right. I had to...

Yeah, I bought a shirt at Winners, which I've never done before. And I bought a shirt that came... Have you ever bought a shirt that comes in a box that has a tie that goes with the shirt? I haven't, but I've seen these. So I bought one of those. I didn't iron it.

Did you try it on in store? No. At the photo shoot, it still had the fold patterns where it had been folded to fit into a box. Did it still have the pins in it when you were wearing it? No, that doesn't come with pins. That's like what a

classy garment would come with uh the ones that winners come with pins i don't know some of them do or like a collar uh plastic or oh yeah yeah yeah no i think you're thinking of one step up say the bay or sears uh winners is really it comes in a box. It has a hole on the back so you could feel the shirt. Oh, good. Yeah. A fabric swatch. Feel me. But the thing...

Push this button. Push me. The thing that was nice about it was when I went to go have my photo taken, the photographer said, like, suck in your gut, which was nice of him because just two days before i watched a comedy network video that i had been a part of where i had been leaning slightly on a stool and uh my shirt had tucked itself under my gut and so my gut was extremely prominent and i kept cutting to my gut because that's where my hands were right and uh so i really appreciated that

photographer and so that's on that's on the internet forever is me and my gut you can probably post it on the blog for all to see um but yeah that was uh i appreciated that photographer's uh his uh his uh what would you call it frank this um yeah sure his um frankness um yeah sure his um what's going on there dave oh man i used to have a great vocabulary i think you got a great vocabulary oh thanks that's awfully dapper of you to say um yeah so that's there wasn't much of a story there except that i got to buy a shirt for winners now uh you haven't told anyone this but you're uh you did the photo shoot because you're on a new tv show oh yeah for the city tv which is only broadcast in vancouver so if any of the listeners are listening to this anywhere but uh well i guess you'll be able to see some of it on the internet. That's what I've been told.

That it'll be streamed on the internet somewhere. And you'll be able to see my gut for many years to come. It's called what? The List. City TV. No, City News The List. Okay. I think that's what it's called. City News The List.

People should look for that in February. Or March. Yeah, it's called. City News The List. People should look for that in February. Or March. Yeah, it's February. Okay. Yeah. All right. Do you want to move on to some overheards? Craig, what do you think?

Yes. Sure. Yes. Overheard. Craig, being that you're the guest and being that you said that you used to write down religiously your overheards. Not religiously, but... You used to write down religious overheards. Yeah.

Yes. You have a book, and so, of course, you said you had a couple, maybe? I have a couple. There's only... I'll read this one, which is my favorite. You throw that one out there and then see if anybody can top it, which I doubt. This was heard in a Thai restaurant maybe two or three years ago. In Vancouver?

Yes. It's a dialogue between two people at the table behind me. One man said to the other man, I eat sandwiches three times a week, but I'm not what you'd call a connoisseur. To which the man replied, oh, so you've never had a real fancy sandwich, huh? That is all. Well, that certainly wasn't implied. Yeah, one of them fancy sandwiches where the bread's in the middle and the meat's on the outside.

Yeah, one of them fancy sandwiches where the bread's in the middle and the meat's on the outside. I have sandwiches less than three times a week, and I've had fancy sandwiches. Have you had them this week? No. What's the fanciest sandwich you've ever had, Craig? Just like... Like the most delicious, intricate sandwich. Not just, oh, I went to a place and I had a really good club sandwich, but like an exquisite sandwich. I think, I don't know.

I made one with a couple kinds of meat. So one that you made? No one can make a better sandwich than me, for my tastes. Wow. Yeah, that's throwing down a gauntlet. But I think everyone can say that. No, I can't make a sandwich I like at all. I'm terrible at it. Oh, boy, I love it. So what would be

your dream sandwich? The same, like, basic sandwich I always like. Maybe like a... PB&J. No, it's got... No, David. It's like maybe like a bread that has, like, some oats involved. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe a oats drain. I'm going to use Miracle Whip Light.

Oh. Just because I grew up that way. I don't know. Sure, sure, sure. Hey, we're not here to judge. And maybe like a, either like a honey ham or a sand, or a. A sand ham. Sanded ham.

Like a smooth. Yeah. Slip down my throat. Sanded ham. Sanded ham. Like a smooth slip down my throat. Sanded ham. Sanded ham. Okay. Then I'm going to have some pickles on there and some cucumbers and tomato. And I take as much lettuce as I can scrunch into a handful and ram it on.

And then... Ram it? Yeah. Like you squish it on and then do you try and capture it with the other... Yes. With the other piece of bread. The other part that has honey mustard on it and then do you try and capture it with the other piece of bread? The other part that has honey mustard on it and then I quickly... Do you use the leafy part or the crunchy root?

I buy like a bagged or boxed pre-minced salad. So your basic, like your dream sandwich is just a very kind of... Just a normal sandwich. Like a standard delicious sandwich. Dave? There's two places in Vancouver. Well, there's three places in Vancouver I really like. La Grotta del Formaggio.

La Grotta del Formaggio on Commercial Drive. There's these Italian sandwiches on delicious bread. Have you ever been to La Grotta del Formaggio? I haven't. Well, if you like sandwiches. I do. And all kinds of weird. Commercial drive.

Check it out. Weird antipasti on there. And then there's the Lion's Den on Fraser and Kingsway, which is like a. Oh, is it African? It's like a cross between Jamaican and Japanese. Oh. And African? Yeah.

But they do these Vietnamese subs. So there's also some Vietnamese in there? Yeah, but they do them with Caribbean spices. So it's good. And the other place is Kaplan's Deli, and that is just a good place to go for a corned beef sandwich. Just a straight-up corned beef and rye? Yeah, a really, really tall sandwich

And Graham, you are Subway or Quiznos? I'm a Quiznos boy, I think you know that From my bio No, I mean, I like I like a sandwich like a La Grata sandwich They got a lot of crazy things, you know? Artichoke hearts and such. Yeah, see?

No. No, you can't swing that way? Not artichoke hearts. That's what I go for. So you're not what you'd call a connoisseur. I never had a real fancy sandwich. Boom. Yes.

Dave, do you have an overheard? I do. You've borrowed one from Abby Campbell. I borrowed one from Abby. Dave, do you have an overheard? I do. You've borrowed one from Abby Campbell. I borrowed one from Abby. All three of us, Graham, Craig, and I,

were at Craig's show this Tuesday at the Bronx Cheer. It's a twice-monthly show. First and third Tuesdays. Anybody who wants to see an excellent comedy show, I highly recommend it. The Montmartre Cafe? First and third, is that right? That's right.

Thank you. In Vancouver. For your kind praise. There was a group of people who were quite loud and rude. The whole show? Throughout the whole show, but they loved Graham. I really sort of pathetically tried to deal with them at one point. I don't know how to do that.

Everyone kind of did. Everyone shushed them and they thought they were did you shush them uh you kind of plowed through oh no no not while on stage oh okay yeah there was a lot of verbal no not verbal non-verbal shushing a lot of people staring yeah they were kind of oblivious uh but they abby overheard uh there was one guy who had his head like shaved around the sides, but long on top and in a ponytail on the back. Oh, yeah, that's a good look. Good. And the girl in the group asked him, hey, remember when you had that dreadhawk?

And he said, yeah, that was awesome. And she said, you know, i think i still have some of those dreads oh wow gross oh that is gross as in she kept his dreadlocks after he cut them yeah but people do that when they get their dreads cut yeah well they keep them. People? Oh, I meant Leprechauns. Lenny Kravitz. Lenny Kravitz and Leprechauns. He was very attached to them. Oh, man. Remember when he did American Woman?

Yeah. Him and it was the... Heather Graham. The Heather Graham, Lenny Kravitz project. It was a saucy video. That was a saucy video. How about... Would you perform in a video?

Those kinds of... That was part of the Austin Powers 2 soundtrack, I think. Correct. Yeah. But it didn't have... That's a weird convention, because there's videos that have clips from the movie. But then there's also that one. And I can't think of any others.

But there must be that have a cameo from the star. The Bat Dance with Prince. I don't think there are any shots from the movie in that video. No, there's sound effects from the movie. Yeah, and he themes it up, movie-wise, to be sure. An overheard. I have an overheard, but I also have this. This overheard I find is from a listener. It's fun because it's layered.

My overheard was very simple. As I was walking up to Yuck Yucks last night, I passed by the Scotiabank Theater, and there were two people trying to decide what movie, what late show to go see. I think it was the girl who said, I can't remember who said what, but I think the girl said to her, the guy that she was with,

she was like, let's go see Paul Blart. And the guy said, the fuck is that? And then there was a pause and he says, let's just go see that Mall Cop movie. So that was my little treat. That's what made it worth leaving the house.

And then this is a listener overheard from a guy named Andrew at University of Waterloo. Did you read this one? I believe I did. It was a guy. He was on the bus and about halfway when the bus was nearly empty, save for this girl of about 20, 22 years old and an old lady and I. The girl was on her phone and I overheard her saying,

is he still going to press charges? Why would he press charges? It's not like he's got AIDS or something. Wow. I know exactly how that feels. When I was a girl about your age, I worked as an aide, and Mr. Ross would always ask for his shirts pressed and starched. The girl didn't get it, and I kind of smiled. It took a few pauses to finally get that she confused aides and press charges. Wow. That is rife with that starched part.

That is a dynamic overheard. I don't even think I can wrap my mind around it yet. So, yeah. So the one... The girl was talking about, you know, somebody got AIDS and is talking about pressing charges. No, didn't get AIDS. Didn't get AIDS. And then the old lady thought that it reminded her of her when she was an aide and used to

have to press pants. Right. And, yeah, this guy Andrew says, I swear you guys staged this or something. It was too perfect. Yeah, we didn't. We did not. We did not. Anyone writing in with an overheard should be aware that you should phone in to 206-339-8328 with your overheards.

Please do. We love the sound of your voice. And we actually, as we were doing the podcast and an overheard popped up we don't even we haven't even heard it yeah could be the best slash worst thing ever uh but we're gonna listen to it live as you're hearing it hey guys uh my name is ted and i have an overheard that my sister told me that was actually from a friend of hers but i felt like that i had to share i apologize for the length this but it actually does pan out in the end better so my sister's friend is a teacher's assistant apparently for some kindergarten

class up in the sioux michigan sioux saint marie area the majority of the kids in the class are apparently problem children but the class did quite well somehow on average for some sort of testing they did. But now a second set of testing was coming around, so to try to give the kids some encouragement, the principal came by the class and just simply said to them, Okay, kids, now I know you did well on the last set of tests, but I really want you guys to bring your A game. This is when a kid in the class decided to raise his hand and ask, Can I bring Battleship?

My sister's friend apparently could hardly hold back his laughter until another kid responded with, And he thought I was retarded. Hysterical laughter ensued, and apparently the best part was that the kid he said, And he thought I was retarded, was actually the worst student in the class. Seems pretty quick to me. Well, that's it. Thanks, guys. Love the show. Thank you, Ted. So the show. I love it.

Thank you, Ted. So the teacher said, you've got to bring your A game, and then one kid was like, can I bring Battleship? Yeah. Because he thought that she said, everybody has to bring A game?

Maybe. Or he ranks his games. Yeah. And he's like, my A game is Battleship. I like Hungry Hungry Hippos, but that's like D. That's kind of like a B or C game.

Life on the D list. Someone called in to complain about our phone number. Yeah, that was our first call. Yikes. Yeah, thanks for starting us off on the right foot, this gentleman. Hey, guys. It's Rick calling. I'm a regular listener, and I enjoy your podcast thoroughly.

and enjoy your podcast thoroughly. But this is actually a complaint that I here in the 604 area code cannot call a local podcast without calling internationally. And so I just thought I would call and spend my money to complain that you're charging me money to call and complain,

if that makes any sense. Love you guys. You guys are doing great. Keep it up. We're not charging you money. Your phone company is. We didn't make a cent from your phone call. In fact, it's costing us listeners because it was boring.

Dave doesn't make a cent. I've got a pretty sweet deal worked out with TELUS because I appeared in one of their commercials as a gecko. Well, you want to move on to something else? I sure do, Dave. Well, we got this segment about your dad, dad's movie reviews we don't have a theme song for it does anyone have any ideas for a theme song well i'm just thinking like craig is really musically gifted like more so than uh myself certainly i don't want to speak for you yeah

i don't want to fight about it i got a lot of equipment i see that you have a couple of axes yeah your uh your sketch partner one of your sketch partners connor holler uh blessed us with his singing ability for one of our uh statement intros which has been uh very much enjoyed over the years which one was that uh that was the uh stunt casting yeah you can really enunciate when he sings. It's very much like a musical theater. Yeah, his was sort of a spoken word. Yeah, it was. He says every letter of every word.

Yes. But yeah, I don't know. We don't want to put you on the spot, certainly. But we have. But we're kind of trying to put you on the spot. This is an opening musical segment For Graham's dad's one line Music reviews

Boobie reviews Boobie reviews Boobie reviews Think it over We'll see if we can concoct something But go ahead We'll work on that Let's not force it

Tell me one thing about your dad so I can... He's a marathon runner. Really? Yes. He seems like a pretty nice guy. Yeah, he's a nice guy. And he's a marathon runner. Do you have something you look...

Is it time now? If you have it... If you got it. We can wait if you want to perfect it. Let's wait. Let me think about it for a second. All right. No, We can wait if you want to perfect it. Let's wait. Let me think about it for a second. All right. No, no, no.

Graham and I will stall. This is what we've been trained to do, right? Stall. It's a broadcast school we went to. Podcast school. Yeah. BCIT's podcasting program. Nerdcast.

Their intensive one-year podcasting program. It is intensive. Where we learn the skills that you need to compete in the field of podcasting program where we learned the skills that you need to yeah people don't know these last 47 episodes have been part of our practicum it's our practice and our thesis yes um how's it going over there okay i'm ready oh i don't know i'm basing this on the like uh the energy of like maybe like a folgers commercial okay sure and you'll give me the permission to add the music later of course right okay what are you made of can you see with both your eyes look in the distance it's easy if you try watch all the movies and don't waste your time just give it a line one line graham's dead

yes perfect that was that was amazing absolutely thank you so much oh man i was i was tearing up i was imagining uh parable style um uh sepia toned image of your dad cresting a long-lens shot of a highway with a hill and him just cresting it at sunrise in his jogging gear. That was the way you were singing it. It was very cresting at sunrise. I was imagining He was jogging to his morning movie

that he goes to every day. I was imagining the theme song for Perfect Strangers and your dad with a sign saying America or Burst. That is what Balky's sign said? Yeah. And you're working with the Balky Jesus this weekend? He's cut his hair. Does he use the Balky Jesus line still?

I don't pay full attention to a set. Okay. Graham? Yes? I prepared't pay full attention to a set. Okay. Graham? Yes? I've prepared a list of movies. I am ready. Have we prepped the audience? What's an example of...

Like, last week we did Terminator 2, and your dad's review would be one sentence and then pretty good. Yeah, it would be a security guard tries to buy a Diet Coke from the vending machine. Gets a pin in the face from the future robot. It's pretty good. Die hard. Bruce Willis loses his shoes

and has to run around on glass. Hard to watch. Mrs. Doubtfire. Robin Williams is pretending to be a fat English woman and his face falls in the street and it gets run over by a car. Hilarious.

That's to stick his face in a cake. Pretty good. Ghost. I'm trying to remember what's in Ghost. Patrick Swayze goes into Whoopi Goldberg's body and she makes out with Demi Moore. Pretty good. That's in the movie. I would have said that Demi Moore makes Clay Pot.

Yep. That's the more iconic image. But I'm not your dad. No, that's true. Neither am I. American Beauty. Oh. Freaky pervert next door videotapes the daughter when she takes her top off.

It's pretty good. Basic instinct. Oh, shit. Oh, yeah. That slut Sharon Stone crosses her legs and then uncrosses her legs. That literally is what he would say. Is it pretty good? No.

Give it a miss. Give it a miss. Yeah. All right. Hancock. Hancock. he would say is it pretty good no give it a miss give it a miss yeah all right hancock hancock uh jason bateman is in it for a minute it's pretty good uh it would be um oh uh oh no it would be uh Will Smith throws a whale

back in the water it's pretty good The Fugitive oh um uh uh the guy

the guy from Indiana Jones uh dives off of a drain pipe dives off a drain pipe to get away from uh

uh Tommy Lee Jones. Pretty good. Pretty good. And finally, Brokeback Mountain. What would be the... I'm trying to think. Because my dad did actually see it.

He'd say no but it wouldn't be what you think it would be it would be like something more obtuse oh really

yeah yeah it's cold in the Rockies no it would be like well no it would be like more like the two guys get fired for wrestling nude in the hills.

Give it a miss. Because that's what they get fired for, is wrestling nude in the hills. What now? I wanted to divert. We have a thing that we were talking about recently. We set up, and it's quite imaginary, but it was something we called the Lobe, or the League of Extraordinary Blokes,

which were guys that we felt exemplified the qualities of blokiness. You're Jason Stathams. You're Vinnie Joneses. You're Bruce Willises. Dwayne The Rock Johnson. Who else did we have? We had some females in there. Grace Jones.

No, I don't think Grace Jones made it. Linda Hamilton. Pink. Pink. Bob Hoskins. Jean Reno. Jean Reno. Oh, Mexican.

Danny Trejo. Danny Trejo. Okay. We got some listener suggestions. We got Uma Thurman. What do you think of that? Do you think that would fit? Give it a miss.

Basically, think of what's blokey. I'm going to take the names you've said before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that is what a definition of a bloke is. This has turned into something more than we thought it would ever turn into. And so we think we may, it was suggested to us by our Ottawa correspondent, Brad McNeil, that we may need to come up with a charter. To make this more like a bloke charter.

Yeah, like they need to meet certain criteria, like baldness is worth a certain amount of points. Good. Not critical, but appreciated. Yeah, shirtlessness, growing up in a lower class British upbringing. Also just general all around toughness, but not crazy over the top toughness. Yeah, no glass eaters. Yeah, no martial artists necessarily. Yeah, no martial artists necessarily. Yeah, that's faggy.

We need somebody that, you know, would use a board of some sort. Yeah, no one who has discipline, but people who will discipline. Here's a couple other ones that people have thrown out. Oh, I got a good one. Patrick Warburton. Who's that?

Putty from Seinfeld. No. TV's the tick who is ray winstone ray winstone that's another one that i don't he was in uh um uh beowulf but he looks like his character looks like sean bean in beowulf but i think sean bean i think both of them would fit i don't know who sean bean is and i don't know who Sean Bean is, and I don't know who Ray Winstone is. His name looks like it's written Scene Bean. Scene Bean. Yeah. I like seeing that.

They're both kind of... I don't know. How exclusive is this league? It seems like it's rather exclusive. It's pretty exclusive. What about Chris Christopherson? No. Wait. Wait. Okay. He's pretty tough. Remember when he was whistler in the blade series um he's also a helicopter pilot in real life and he hung out with johnny cash

and i believe he's an oscar winner he is an an Oscar winner. For Blade 3. Trinity. You don't think Chris Christopherson would... He's got a terrible name. There's no doubt about that. He won't... That hurts his chances. Will he fight? Oh, he'll fight. He'll lose every fight, but he'll fight. I'll tell you what he won't do.

He won't turn down any role in which he plays a rancher. That's also correct. Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay, along those same lines... Anyone who has an affinity for horses, I don't think meets the criteria. Wait, wait, wait.

You spoke too soon, I think, when I say the name Sam Elliott. No, I don't think I spoke too soon. Really? Yeah. Roadhouse? The big Lebowski where he's like the cowboy dude? Yeah. The many movies where he was just General awesome as a cowboy

I think that he does too much voiceover work I agree that cowboy-iness Is not bloke-iness Something they're at odds with So it's something at odds It'd be a little bit more urban A little more streamlined Rather than truck stop

I accept that But Well there was somebody else A little more streamlined. Rather than truck stop. I accept that. But, well, there was somebody else. So we said no to Uma Thurman for some reason? We've said no to everyone so far. I have a few. These were... Ooh, ooh, here's one. Ooh, ooh.

Sigourney Weaver. Hmm. Considering her amazing bloke-like work and baldness in the Alien movies, I think that she... You're thinking of Demi Moore in G.I. Jane. No, we already decided that... I'm thinking of Sigourney Weaver. Wait, what did we say?

No, Sinead O'Connor. That's what I'm thinking. Their names, I say their names, I don't know who I'm saying. I always get Sigourney Weaver confused with Susan Sarandon or Sarandon. Or Sarandon, yeah. Who would not fit the criteria. No. Sigourney Weaver, I think, is somebody who may fit that blokey bill.

Sure. Yeah. Pretty tough. Yeah, but... How about Dame Judi Denton? No. Negative. No?

Okay. Done. This guy says, I dare you to disagree. It was the person who nominated Bob Hoskins also nominated Dame Judy Ginch. How about Bear Grylls? Grylls? The Man vs. Wild. He's pretty blokey.

Yeah. He spends a lot of time by himself, but he also, I've seen him fight nature, which is... Yeah, it's more... He's too outdoorsy to be blokey? There's not enough arrogance. There's more... He seems dumb. I'm gonna say I disagree

with him seeming dumb. But I can see that he... I would rather have Mantracker. Ooh! I like that. They could bridge the cowboy yeah yeah maybe man tracker that's not a bad even on a pad even as a concept uh yeah yeah i don't think i've ever seen the show can be a bloke but not because he's mysterious uh like the you've never seen the show though no because if you had seen the show you know that there's very little mystery to him okay yeah so that's he seems like a silhouetted figure

yes in the promo for it yes i've seen the promos and he's in um craig you had some suggestions i do i have two all right i have uh gourd downy the Tragically Hip And Ice Cube Ice Cube is actually already a member He is a member Very good suggestion Ice T was once a member But had it revoked Membership revoked

Gord Downie of the Tragically Hip The Tragically Hip are Canada's worst band Whoa He's up I'm wearing a shirt by them right now of the Tragically Hip. The Tragically Hip are Canada's worst band. Whoa! He's up. I'm wearing a shirt by them right now. Making fun of you. I disagree that

they're Canada's worst band because we were just on this very episode talking about Nickelback. So there's no he's still get over it.

Gordon Downey I think he's too... He has the baldness for him, certainly. No one who's released a book of poetry might be a little bit too smart to be in the league. What about Goldberg?

Too tough? Maybe too Jewish. No, hey, we do not draw the lines along the Jewish lines. I think he's far from Jewish. No, hey. He's far from Jewish. We do not draw the lines along the Jewish lines. I think he's far from Jewish. I don't think he's that far from Jewish. Is it his real name, though? Why would you pick that?

Why would you pick Goldberg? I don't know. What? Why would... Because he's ignorant and it's gold. I like gold. I like icebergs. I'm like a gold iceberg.

I'm like a golden iceberg that's true that's yeah i don't know i just i don't know he just seems it seems too dumb how about uh i you know what i like the goldberg recommendation how about uh an adam west no no he was pretty barrel-chested. Ooh, I was gonna say... I'm interrupting here. The Commish. The Commish, Michael Chiklis. Michael Chiklis, ooh yes. TV's The Commish. Also from The Shield

and The Thing. I don't think he was in those. Yes, he's the star of The Shield. Michael Chiklis? No, I don't think so. 100%. I will bet you $100 that he is the star of The Shield. I no michael chickless no i don't think so 100 i will bet you 100 that he is the star of the show i feel so sad that you think i'm being serious oh can i still bet 100 47 episodes in and you don't understand me at all well no it's not that i don't understand you it's you just don't care i don't give a shit. Is this us breaking up?

What if? Call in and find out if we're breaking up. That doesn't make any sense. Like you're going to be answering the phone? Dave has to man the phones all night. What happens when people call that weird number? Do we say yes to Michael Chiklis?

He's no Goldberg. What if he was dressed like the thing all the time? What about Rube Goldberg? I don't know what he looks like, but I like his work. I do enjoy his crazy machines. When people phone in, it's a voicemail machine. There's a service that gives us free voicemail and will send us an audio file of the phone message. So it works for us.

Doesn't work for Rick. Doesn't work for Rick from 604. Although between you and me, his phone number started with 778. Sounds like a 778 guy to me with an attitude like that. Yeah, even his attitude was kind of 778. That's Vancouver's cell phone area code. So we were thumbs down on Chiklis? Thumbs down from you?

No, I'm on the fence with Chiklis. What do you think? Have you seen the shield? He might be a little too teddy bear-ish. He's pretty tough on the shield. He's a bit of a bear, yeah. In the bedroom. And also if he doesn't get his morning coffee.

He's a real bear. Anybody else that springs to mind? Let's go... I liked your Gord Downie suggestion. Are there any people from... I wanted to think of a Canadian guy. Oh, yeah. I'm on board with that.

Thinking of somebody who's like... What about that Canadian guy, Glenn Foster? Who's that? He's a comedian who wears a... I'm sorry. A Canadian tie flag. A Canadian flag tie. How about Peter Mansbridge?

How about Peter Mansbridge? Peter Mansbridge is a national news anchor, and I refer to the taint as a Mansbridge. Or someone from the world of music. We don't seem to have any of those other than maybe Ice-T. I'm interested in his concept, Craig's concept of finding a Canadian bloke. Ty Domi? Really? I don't know if sports

guys are allowed in. They don't have enough panache. Ty Domi's kind of, he just seems like... Alright, Ty Domi. Hockey fighter. Like a Mark Messier I could see in the league. Because he's been in Lay's commercials. Yeah, and he can't eat just one. No?

I hate him so much. Out. All right, forget him. Okay, Canadian. Think. Surely we can come up with one. Ooh, ooh, ooh. Ryan Reynolds.

Hugh Dillon. Hugh Dillon. Hugh Dillon, formerly of the the headstone star of flashpoint oh yeah i've never seen flashpoint but i know he was in hardcore logo that's right it was pretty badass and that yeah sure this is like he's a little obscure though i feel like it should be uh a world famous canadian like a brian adams he but he can't bloke it up with those guys. No, I know. Maybe a Michael Buble.

He can't bloke. I was going to say master. Now I'm using bloke as a verb. Master T. Extendimix is master T. Maestro Fresh Wes. Snow. I'm interested.

Mad child. What's the... Why don't we have anybody that just springs to mind? Is our country bloke-less? Our country, I think, it is of thee. Thank you.

We stand on guard for thee, that's certain. Wow. thank you we stand on guard for thee that's certain wow really we are in a bit of a pickle here when it comes to finding a Canadian entry for our Roque Hoisin French Canadian pop sensation I think you're misunderstanding

I'm just saying how about how about I think you're misunderstanding. I'm just saying funny Canadian nuance. You're just saying, how about Mitsu? How about... Who was the other Mitsu? What about somebody like Brett the Hitman Hart? Not blokey at all, really, but... It's closer to...

Right? Canadian. What about Stu Hart? He was pretty blokey. What about Sarah McLachlan? Rounding the bet. We're getting close. Tom Cochran. Stu Hart. What about Stu Hart?

I don't know who that is. He was Bret Hart's dad. He basically started Stampede Wrestling. Yeah, he was mean. You know you're from Calgary. You know all about Stu Hart. Of course, mostly through the Bret Hart 8-channel documentary Wrestling with Shadows. Yes, we all watched it in Calgary.

It was required watching if you lived in Calgary. Some of my friends skipped school to go to Owen Hart's funeral. We've talked about Owen Hart's death. Yeah, the... I don't know, Stu Hart, I think, i think could be well you wouldn't know like from cali ed whalen he was he would be he's pretty blokey yeah that's very that's too regional localized i'm tuning out now yeah uh all right well i don't, why don't we leave it up to the listeners? Absolutely. Make Canadian bloke suggestions.

And also... I mean, Don Cherry. Yeah, he's pretty blokey. Yeah, he's almost too obvious. How about this charter that you were talking about? What are we talking about when we're talking about a charter? How does this work? I don't know. I'm not even sure how a charter works.

Is it rules for entry or rules of conduct? Yeah, rules for entry. Like, once you're in the league, you're in the league for life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who had his league ship renounced almost instantly. On a whim. Like, stuff like shirtlessness., like we mentioned baldness. But shirtlessness on its own is...

No, that doesn't... Also toughness, right? But that kind of like rough and tumble toughness. Not like you're in actuality tough, but that you would bar fight, street fight. Not actual... On film, you wouldn't do it in real life. Some of the people we've said would, and some wouldn't.

Sure. I think most of the people we said would. Yeah, mostly movie stars who you would believe as like they're not really acting. Yeah, but also like the reason that we wouldn't include say like a

figure like Muhammad Ali is because he's too ensconced in a professional realm. Right. Like Muhammad Ali would never... Too preachy. Yeah, he's at work.

Yeah, but he wouldn't go out and fight a guy in the street. No. Whereas Vinnie Jones certainly would. Sure. So maybe like a chickless probably wouldn't. Yeah, exactly. So he probably wouldn't exist on the list. But Hugh Dillon, I feel like he's probably had his fair share of street fights.

There's a charming rascally to it. Yeah, there's definitely a rascal quality, but not rascal flats quality. No, more of a big and rich. Thank you very much. So he's kind of... They're kind of lovable

in their rascal Yeah they're like a rap scallion Like it's also Something that seems to be Somebody who's really tough But also could star in a kids movie Sure Comically because of their toughness

Although I don't know why Vin Diesel's not in No we said he was in Okay that guy's great On last week's we said yes. Well then Hulk Hogan maybe. I would say Hulk Hogan except that his recent family scandals. What about

somebody like a King Kong Bundy? No? Is he the guy who ate the turnbuckles? Oh no, that was oh crap I can't remember his name now. George the Animal Steel. George the, no. That was... Oh, crap. I can't remember his name now. George the Animal Steel. George the Animal Steel.

Yeah, he had a green tongue. Shaved head and was completely hairy. Too much wrestling talk this episode. I really feel we're suffering. I'm not suffering. I'm enjoying every second of it. Our listeners are suffering. Right, sure.

Except for Darren Aronofsky, who loves wrestling. And is a listener. That's right. Darren Aronofsky who loves wrestling and is a listener that's right Darren Aronofsky is a listener I proclaim it here what else do you want to do? Is there anything? Stuntcasting sounds funny

alright are you an actor? are you looking for work? stuntcasting stuntcasting Are you an actor? Are you looking for work? Stunt casting. Stunt casting. Stunt. Stunt casting. Powder.

Danny DeVito. Taxi Cab the movie. Danny Glover. Martin Short. Anyone in the movie pure luck Stunt casting You just have to come up with a movie

or television show that you would like to see recast as a major Hollywood blockbuster and then we recast it because that's what Hollywood does now. They don't come up

with new ideas. They just recast it. Because that's what Hollywood does now. They don't come up with new ideas. They just recast old ideas. Three ninjas. Poltergeist 1. The Simpsons or the X-Files. But I guess we've got to go before that. No, we don't. X-Files we could do.

But X-Files is already a major motion picture. Let's recast it. Let's do X-Files. I could really do that. Let's do X-Files is already a major motion picture. Yeah, but let's recast it. Yeah, let's recast it. Let's do X-Files. I could really do that. Let's do X-Files, sure. I'm deep into that. Okay, who are the characters in X-Files? There's David Duchovny's character, Rick Mulder.

Rick Mulder. Rick Mulder from 604 Area Code. There was Gillian Anderson as Rick Scully. That was Bonnie Scully, wasn't it? Lucy Scully. Lucy Scully. Rick and Lucy Scully. Assistant Director Skinner.

Who's that? He's the bald guy. He was like the head of the FBI. Okay. Who's, there was a smoking guy. William B. Davis, the smoking man. The smoking man. Yeah, he had a real old leathery face.

There was that episode with Giovanni Ribisi. Yeah. He could change. Temperature. He's a lightning. He could make light. Yeah, he could change street lights's a lightning he could make light he could change street lights

traffic lights what about there was the lone gunman there was the guy with the long blonde hair and the we could just get the mythbusters

to play those guys yep but there's three of them we need a third dude we need a guy with a beard who's skinny the hot redhead

from the Mythbusters. Who thinks she's hot? Aye, aye. Do you think she thinks she's hot? Do you think the guys that work with her think she's hot? Yes.

Do you think that... No, like, you know, because it's the two nerd guys and her are always sent out. Yeah, like the lesser guys. Yeah. Tori and Grant. They don't seem to notice

that she's hot. Well, I think they're professional Mythbusters. They ain't afraid of no myths. So, okay. And who else is there? That's... So, okay. There's also Krychek.

I don't know if anyone watched. Krychek was the... He's just one of the bad guys that reoccurs a lot. I think if you went with Skinner, Mulder, and Scully, the Lone Gunman and the Smoky Man, they were the most... That's the core. The most solid of the cast.

Okay. Let's start from... So we've already got the Mythbusters cast standing in for the Lone Gunman. I love it. It's perfect. Don't need to touch it at all. Skinner. Glasses. Bald.

Gord Downie. No. Bill Goldberg. Bill Goldberg. Who's the guy who plays J. Jonah Jameson? Oh, yeah. could he be in the bloke situation not at all damn move on graham i can't dot org uh what about like uh what about ving rames there's ad skinner we could really amp up the drama we give ving Rhames a lot of work at our studio. We do.

I'm not familiar with the character. I think I am, but I didn't really watch the show, except for that Giovanni Rubisi episode. I think the guy who plays J. Jonah Jameson, he's got my vote. Let's go with him. So that leaves us with

the smoking man, who... Smoked a lot. He's got my vote Let's go with him So that leaves us with The Smoking Man Who Smoked a lot Like a Tommy Lee Jones would be perfect But two Maybe we could make it like The Pot Smoking Man And have Method Man

Or The Jim Brewer It's gotta be like a leathery faced guy Right The Jim Brewer. It's got to be like a leathery-faced guy. Right. But also, he's got to be kind of small. He can't be like a... He's not like a Clint Eastwood type. Sure.

He's more meek. What about Dr. Kobayashi from The Usual Suspects? Oh, Pete Postfulwit. Thank you. Oh, yes. What was his last name? Postfulwit. Yes. It's a mouthful. Yes. I like that a lot. Okay, Pete Postfulweight. Oh, yes. What was his last name? Postfulweight. Yes.

I like that a lot. Okay, so we got him. Now, Scully. A redhead. A Rene Russo type. But not Rene Russo. Not Rene Russo. Also, the girl from Mythbusters has already been used.

Oh, yeah. For busting a myth about my dick. the girl from Mythbusters has already been used. Oh! Yeah! For busting a myth about my dick. Wave it off. Wave it off. Wish I could. Hollywood only has four redheads.

Lindsay Lohan. Renee Russo. Two redheads. Julianne Moore. Eric Lohan. Rene Russo. Two Redheads. Julianne Moore. Julianne Moore. Eric Stoltz. Eric Stoltz. In drag. Let's cast Eric Stoltz. Let's reverse

the gender roles. Wow, that's bold. So Scully is the man. Dana Scully and Fox Mulder are gender names. So now it's Dan Scully. It could be Dana Scully. And Fox can be a gender names. So now it's Dan Scully. It could still be Dana. It could be Dana Scully, yeah. And Fox can be a girl name, sure. Fox is a man's name.

Fox. So Fox Mulder played by Vivica A. Fox, two on the nose. Yeah. Okay, what defines Mulder? He's dark haired. He's kind of a... He's kind of a pervert. Can we get the guy who played T-1000?

No, we're going for a woman, though. It's gotta be a woman. I was being very, very funny. Oh, right. Because he replaced him. Okay, a woman who thinks the truth is maybe out there in some regard.

Her family is related to aliens. Yep. Anne Heche. Anne Heche. Anne Hathaway. Alf. Was Alf a woman? I can't believe I didn't catch the Terminator joke. That was a very good joke. Elfaway. Elf. Was Elf a woman? I can't believe I didn't catch the Terminator joke.

That was a very good joke. I know. But remember when I was pretending I didn't know who Michael Chiklis was? That one I didn't catch. Okay. What about saucy pop singer Katy Perry? Ooh. Ooh.

That's Fox Mulder. Yeah. Yeah. I like it yeah yep katie perry and eric stoltz our mother and scully why not yeah i love it this is really good green light um well yeah that was outstanding yeah that way to save it at the last second. Perfect. Well, this has been a delight, a pure delight. Yeah, thank you very much for joining us. Thanks for having me.

If anybody wants to check out the Bronx Cheer, you guys have a website. Yes, BronxCheerComedy.com. And it's a very good show. Check it out. Check out their stuff online. And thank you very much for joining us. Thank you. If you want to send us an email, it is stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com,

especially if you have a Canadian suggestion for the League of Extraordinary Blokes. And if you feel that there's anything that we missed in the charter, by all means. We didn't really, I think, nail that down at all yeah we uh barely scratched the surface uh you're also free and welcome to call us see how good audio is audio is the best yeah compared to when we just read your email uh call us at 206-339-8328 and send us the bill and uh and also please check out uh the blogs lovingly crafted each and every week by Dave Shumka at stoppodcastingyourself.blogspot.com

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