Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 482 - Matt Gourley

Episode Date: June 12, 2017

Comedian and podcaster Matt Gourley joins us to talk Billy Joel, car hacking, and fidget spinners.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 482 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is a man. Oh boy, he looks good in stripes. I've never seen him in polka dots, but I know he looks good in stripes.

Mr. Dave Shumka. I don't know if I own a polka dot thing. You could. I think you could pull it off. I could own it, something and not know it. But do you think that you could pull it off? Polka dots? I know. I think you could pull it off i could i could own it uh something and not know it but do you think that you could pull it off polka dots i know i think you could no come on little ones oh little one yeah yeah polka dots uh you think so i don't know i don't see a lot of men wearing them but i think with what i don't know pair pair ofacks, like a nice pair of brogues.

Ah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe a nice jacket. A polka dot jacket? Oh, yeah, sure. Our guest today, first time guest on the podcast, he is the host of I Was There Too. He is one of the members of Super Ego. He is the host of James Bonding.

He is so funny, and it's such a pleasure to have him here. Mr. Matt Gordley. Thank you. Hi, guys. Long time coming, I feel, spiritually. Spiritually. Yeah. This was meant.

We've had this date for a long time. Yeah. With destiny. We did all this. I don't have my vision board here, but it's got you and then- Idris Elba. Sure. Keith and the girl.

Yeah. Hey, I went through a similar polka dot situation because I don't think I'm a polka dot guy either. And I bought a polka dot button up and I barely ever wear it. Yeah. Because I look at it and go, I don't, I don't, this is a risk today. What's the main, is it, what's the main color? It's white with really tiny black polka dots, so you have to almost get close to see.

It's almost like newsprint, you know? Oh, yeah, yeah. It's vague. Lichtenstein. Yeah, yeah. A stipple shirt. Yes, that's right, yeah. Yeah.

Should we get to know us? Yes. Get to know us. I don't know that I've ever owned anything polka dot. I absolutely owned polka dot. I guess back in the 80s, we called these shorts jams. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

What were jams? They were like a short. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Like maybe a surf short. Yeah. Skate surf shorts.

Yeah. And they were polka dot. You can get away with a lot of pattern stuff on shorts. And swimming trunks especially. Yeah, that's where. That's time to go crazy. I mean, you're already showing most of your body anyway, so. That's true.

Yeah, like if anything that draws the attention away from my torso. I come to think of it, I did have big polka dot swim trunks. And socks. I think you could do socks. Yeah, I have some socks too too i think when i was a little kid i was a big fan of like a like a speedo you know like wearing one or just seeing no no maybe a little bit of both but certainly wearing one and then i feel like there was maybe when i was 12 or something i was speedo shamed and then i then i started wearing the wow yeah because like all the other kids showed up to

the pool in trunks and i was the only one like ready to do laps aerodynamic or hydrodynamic i guess i was at the pool this weekend with my daughter and there were these two 10 year old boys that were so annoying and like they were in the kid pool but they were like diving in like pulling down each other's shorts. And it was annoying for a while. And then I imagined what it would be like if they were 10 years older and just 20 year old guys in the kid pool wrestling,

pulling down each other's shorts. And it made me laugh. And I couldn't be mad. Now, Matt, you, this is, you've been to Vancouver A couple times before Yes Yeah But you just got

Hitched That's right I did last weekend So excited Yeah And this I arrived up here To visit my now wife

Amanda Who's working up here And haven't seen her Since the wedding Yeah So my first stop Gotta do a podcast Sorry honey

You knew this is what I did when you married me. Oh, no. Schedules got worked around. It worked out. It was meant to happen. How is saying the phrase, my wife? As a comedy catchphrase, it's tiresome. But it's different.

It feels wonderful, but it feels strange. Yeah. I'm not used to it. I waited a long time in my life to get married. So I had plenty of time to not say it. Yeah. Yeah. So it's real.

I love it, but it is strange. I catch myself going. When I say it to people, I, my, the thought in the back of my head is, oh, they're not going to believe me. Especially because she disappeared right after the wedding. I know. I'm going to visit my wife in Canada. Yeah,

I know. Even when I got up here and we saw each other, there was a little bit of weirdness. Like, did that really happen? And are you really like my wife? Who are you? Does that still stand?

Yeah, I know. It does feel like, it feels a little bit like we're first dating again. It's like, you're still into this, right? Yeah.

Uh, and you're like, how's wearing the ring? It's good. I like it feels a little bit like we're first dating again. It's like you're still into this, right? Yeah. And you're like, how's wearing the ring? It's good. I like it. And I this is my grandfather's ring and I used to wear it on my other hand, knowing that I would one day switch it over to a nice tradition. But then I violently broke my finger and I had to have the ring sawn off my hand. And so I gave it to Amanda in shambles and said, I guess the next time I should see this would be the wedding day. And she went and got it repaired and engraved and it's flawless again.

I don't know how she did it, but. How did you break your finger? I was standing on top of an old rickety outdoor laundry shed. Oh, I hate these stories. Yeah. And fell through just like, like you would fall through a trap door. Basically, it just disappeared below me. A laundry what?

A laundry shed. Like shed. I may have said laundry chute, but I didn't mean that. No, no, laundry shed. But I know what a laundry chute is. I know. It's hard to explain, but I was getting into an attic that you have to enter from the outside by removing some boards of the house. Wow.

There's nothing sinister about this. This was my place. I wasn't like creeping. Right, right. But like what's in that attic? Old Star Wars toys and mask toys and G.I. Joe toys that I was, because this is a. That's what I want to find in an attic. Yeah.

Toys. Yeah, exactly. And I had taken such pain. Like the Harrison album? Absolutely. I had taken such pains to step on the support beams. And then it's like once I had the toys, I was like, job done. Like Indiana Jones when he gets that idol and is like just walking out all confidently.

And then the whole play starts to. So I just confidently with no concern stepped right in the middle of this old rained out plywood and just went through. And then all of me fell on this one finger. Like that was the first thing. That was what? Yeah.

Ugh. Yeah. Were the toys in box? I had already handed them off to Amanda. So they were safe. But they were... No, they were not in box. No.

They were in plastic attic crate. Okay. Yeah. And heavily used. They were to play with So they were safe. But they were, no, they, oh, not in box. No. They were in plastic attic crate. Okay. Yeah. And they were heavily used. They were to play with. Yes.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I never, I don't know, when I was a kid, there was no, it was before a time when people knew

to keep those things in boxes. I never, well, I never really kept them as collector's item. I think sentimentally I was attached to them, but I played with toys

far too long. Yeah. And then into the point where I realized, oh, these may be collectible because I'm close to it. Like how long are we talking? Well, my high teens. I played, yeah. Matt's a few years older than us. And I played with Mask and G.I. Joe.

Yeah. But I definitely. What you're saying there is I shouldn't have been there. No, no, no. I'm just saying I wasn't in my high teens. But I think the mood would still strike me when I was a teenager. Why aren't I playing with toys? It's what I want to do.

I think probably I got into smoking. That was my new thing that I did. Yeah, I sometimes would be looking for something in a closet and pull out Lego and be like, why don't I play with Lego? Yeah. Lego has stayed with me a bit longer even. But I feel like Lego's not like a, it's not like an action figure. No. It's like, it's creative, it's mind building.

Yeah, it's like doing a puzzle. I still have my Alf doll. Oh, yeah. Talking? No. No. But, and, like, he was out and about, and then we got a dog, and the dog would just, like. What do you mean out and about?

Just out in the neighborhood, and he'd check in occasionally? Yeah, yeah. He's sort of chasing cats and whatnot. Can I get a $20 bill? He, no. He was just sort of like, you know, throw him on the bed. I wouldn't cuddle with him, but I thought he was like nice decoration. Yeah.

And then the dog was obsessed with the idea of chewing his face off. Aw. So we got, he's in, I think he might be in this very closet. Did you introduce Margo? Like, is that something that Margo would like to play with? We're waiting. We're waiting. Is his face horribly chewed off?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We knew the dog would chew his face off so I took the necessary steps. Hey Margo, check out this gnarled alien life form. Meet Gordon. I eat cats.

I wonder if a kid I mean like that was the best thing in the world when I was a kid I mean like That was the best thing In the world When I was a kid That there was a Primetime sitcom Featuring a puppet

Yeah That like I could watch At uh Seven o'clock In the evening And then go right to bed Dream about In your speedos

Yeah Oh boy yeah I think also I probably wore You know Banana hammock underwear As a kid Oh yeah Yeah I think I wanted Everything probably wore, you know, banana hammock underwear as a kid Oh yeah Yeah, I think I wanted everything high and tight

Well, banana hammock are just briefs Yeah, just a brief Like underoos Yeah, yeah, yeah But were your Speedos something you actively chose or your parents were just like, here are your swim trunks? They were like, yeah, this is what you wear when you go swim And then And then you didn't know any different

No, no Until you showed up and all the other boys were. We're wearing not just like shorts, but like way down to their knees, like basically pants. Yeah. And so it was like I was the only one that showed up in underwear. And was it a thong? Yeah, yeah, yeah. A front thong.

It's a front thong. I don't know. It does just one loop around. Playing. Oh. So why were you taking these things out of the attic to play? Well, it was a house that I rented out. So I had moved.

And so I had left it long behind and had tenants there that didn't know that stuff was up there. And finally, I'm like, I got to get out there because it's hot and those things are going to melt. And those are important things in my childhood. Collectible. They're in the top of the house and heat rises. Also, these things aren't worth a dime because they are all broken down and peeled stickers and stuff.

But I just wanted to get everything out of there. And then it all went to hell. With the GI Joes, were they the small ones? Yeah. I'm not that old. Did you? I know. That was one of those things like where like old people would talk about G.I.

Joes and you'd be like, no, they're not dolls. They move around. Or they like, you play those little ones. They had a certain amount of condescension on that, I remember. Well, I'm a child and they're what's for sale. Yeah. Yeah. And there's like 50 characters on the show. Right. Whereas you had. condescension on that I remember well I'm a child and there were what's for sale yeah and there's like 50 characters

on the show right whereas you had what was G.I. Joe before when they were playing with it just like

it was like Barbie doll sized and it was like G.I. Joe was just the name like the catch all name for what they were but it wasn't like

a TV show or a comic strip or anything I don't even think there were other characters it was just wasn't it just G.I. Joe I think so yeah yeah there wasn't like a TV show or a comic strip or anything. I don't even think there were other characters. It was just, wasn't it just G.I. Joe? I think so.

Yeah. Yeah, there wasn't like. Well, yeah, because they had like Snow G.I. Joe and then, but then I think at some point they did branch out a little bit. In the dolls? Yeah, I think. Yeah. I had a friend, older brother who had the dolls. Yeah.

And they, he kept them who had the doll. Yeah. And he kept them all immaculate. And he also, I think back in the day you could like save up these tokens or whatever and send away for a special G.I. Joe that wasn't for sale. Oh. Well, we could do that with the small one. Yeah. Yeah, with the small one.

William Refrigerator Perry. That's right. Yeah, and Sergeant Slaughter. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I had those. Was he,igerator Perry. That's right. Yeah, and Sergeant Slaughter. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I had those. Was he, he was a football player? Yeah. Yeah, and he came with a mace, like a... A football mace.

Wasn't it? Iron football on a chain on a pole that he would swing. But yet he's still wearing a football jersey. Was he in the show? I don't know. I remember him seeing him animated, but... Yeah, I think maybe later. I know Sergeant Slaughter was.

Yeah. Yeah. And then Sergeant Slaughter... Was he a wrestler primarily? Yeah. Yeah. Primarily. He didn't start as a G.I. Joe?

No. Oh, he started as a wrestler and then became a G.I. Joe? Yeah. Very few people have started as cartoons. No, but I thought, you know,

like the, you know... Maybe the guy in the take on me video. Well, but I thought, you know, like the, you know, Maybe the guy in the take on me video. Well, Hulk Hogan was, you know, named himself after the Incredible Hulk, right? Oh, okay. He was a,

I see what you mean. You know what I mean? Like, I thought like, this guy saw this thing and he was like, I could be Sergeant Slaughter just by a hat and some glasses. Right, right.

He was fat. That was the thing. The real guy was fat. That was the thing. The real guy was fat. A lot of those guys, even though they were roided out, they were that old school barrel chested, no definition, just kind of. Strong man. Yeah.

Yeah. That really switched at some point. I don't know when. Yeah. 90s. The 90s. Yeah. Because I remember watching it and just thinking,

boy, like these guys... They're my wrestling dreams. I'll never be as fit as Tatonka. Oh, Tatonka I think was one of the premier real... And he came out, he's all oiled up. They all were oiled up. He was one of the oiliest of them. But no, Sarcha Slott would wear long sleeves and a singlet

and maybe even a turtleneck. Like he's really covered. No accident that they used those champion belts that were basically girdles. Yeah, that's true. I think from the beginning, even in real sports, that was probably the reason. I'm feeling a little bloated. Can I win? That's how they decided the plot line.

Who had too much salt? I always liked it When a fight would start before the wrestler could even get the belt off Or when someone hit you with the belt So hard You personally? Yeah well no We hit one with the belt

But then I think that was more of a Metaphor Yeah yeah You're not whipping a guy with a belt. You're just hitting him with the metal part. Yeah. Anyway.

Being foisted on your own, patak. Bobby the Brain Heenan would do that to you. Oh, yeah, yeah. And apparently somebody sent me a thing about, remember the million dollar man? Yeah. Ted DiBiase. Yeah, Ted DiBiase. sent me a thing about uh remember the million dollar man yeah ted di biasi yeah di biasi uh he did a thing where a kid had to make so many basketball shots in a row and then ted di biasi

would give him a thousand dollars and then he interrupted the kid midway through so they wouldn't have to pay and then ted di biasi like a couple weekends ago was renting a car from a rental car place and the guy working the the counter, he's like, remember me. It was the kid. And you're not getting your car. Yeah. And there's just a thousand dollar convenience charge on that, sir. With interest.

He's the original Trump. He's a rich bully. That's right. Yeah. I'm surprised he wasn't invited to be part of the cabinet. Until, of course, Trump then became part of the wrestling world, too. Yeah. Wow.

He actually wrestled. But did Trump start out as a G.I. Joe? He might as well. God. I was going to ask, did you ever, because the G.I. Joes, the small ones, had a little screw in the back. Yeah. Did you unscrew them?

Absolutely. Did you swap bodies? Oh, God. Oh, yes. I can't tell you the small ones had a little screw in the back. Yeah. Did you unscrew them? Absolutely. Did you swap bodies? Oh, God. Oh, yes. I can't tell you the things I did to those guys. And the elastic would go around their spine and through their crotch. Yeah. And that's how they would stay together.

I went so far as, do you remember Doc? He was like the first medic. No, I didn't buy any of the toys that were helpful to other people. This was a gift, I assure you, because I wasn't going to either. But I took him apart, and it was crazy. I used to have this old cable that you would use on a Super 8 camera that you could do frame at a time animation. Oh, yeah, yeah.

So it was almost like a syringe, and when you pressed it, at the end of the cable, a little pin would come out, and that's what would key off the framing. So I somehow screwed that into the back of Doc, drilled a hole in him, and I would put blood in it and cover it up. So it would look like some sword would just burst out his chest. I was doing mad, mad experiments on these things. I'm not proud. I never went beyond a screwdriver.

You were drilling holes. I was into it wow that's that's I feel like did your parents see that and think

he's gifted my mom did that's the crazy thing because I was like blowing bombs up in the backyard with like electronics and stuff

and my sister was like mom what's going on you gotta stop him and she's like well he's so creative yeah because like you gotta think one of the like

Stan Winston like he must have been like that when he was a kid but you're gonna say dylan klebold look it can go either way and the important thing is not to decide for the child too early find their own way i made it through okay so far so far yeah when do you think you'll snap matt your guess is good as mine that's the exciting thing you never know i know could be right now uh did you make frame by frame movies yeah with with gi joe and wow and um star wars the first star was when i did i didn't get that you had to keep the camera stationary so i would would take a frame, put it down, move the thing, pick it back up in a totally different spot. So you just get total vertigo watching this thing.

It's like you're a stop motion character. Have you seen them? Did they survive to now? Yeah, I just got them made recently because I was there too. I had done this thing where I got squibbed up like in a movie. And so I found footage, super great footage of the first squibs I ever made. You made your own squibs? I did, yeah.

Wow. Like junior high. I mean, I just. I mean, like squibs is a pretty cool nickname to have through junior high. Hey, squibs. Let's get squibs. Just you have to put them on every day before you go to school. That's what people expect.

Wearing like one of those harmonica vests full of squibs. This is a John Popper of special effects. In just my junior high. I mean, there was one for every junior high. Oh, sure. I remember the squibs that went to my junior high. Who has voted John Popper of special effects of your junior high? Howard Henninger.

How did you make squibs? It was, honestly, it was a long process. I figured out bit by bit, and then when I realized you could take those model rocket igniters and kind of put them in a firecracker and then just, like, wrap them up safely so they only go out one way. That was the...

Ah. Look, I'm not proud of this. No, you should be. I think that's very, like... Because I had friends like that, but they weren't doing anything like, let's make a squib. They were like, let's ruin my uncle's car. That would be the type of experiment they were doing. Nothing that could be construed as creative. Yeah. Yeah, I think I had some friends who were like, let's tape some bottle rockets to some Hot Wheels.

See if they go really fast. And if not, if they explode. I think I started there, but that just didn't do it for me. And then fill it with fake blood. Yeah. Did you make your own fake blood? Yeah, I wasn't very good at that, though. I always heard there's cornstarch in it, and I would mess with that,

but it would harden up like cement. Oh, wasn't it corn syrup? Yeah, I think that's what it was. I hope I got lost in translation. Yeah, it's coming out real pink and powdery. Yeah. It's corn starch. Yeah.

And what was it like having real squibs on? It was incredible. It was really. Yeah, I bet. It was no joke, a lifelong dream. I had wanted to do that for so long. I'm not like a gun person. I only like it in drama.

I just loved it though. It was nerve wracking. If you see a gun on stage in the first act, you know it has to be shot by the second or third, however many acts. And did they do it the full thing like you were wearing the squibs and then they fake shot you or did they just exploded the squibs?

Well, we shot opposite, so separate times. So the shooting was filmed separately and then my squibbing. And I think it was five squibs in a row. And what was this for? I did it for the 50th episode of I Was There 2. But like you say, was there a plot? Did you make a fake plot?

We did a little bit of dialogue. So there's also a video documentary shot by a Canadian filmmaker, Jay Cheal, who came out to New York. This was all done in New York and shot it. And it's just called The Squibbining, and you can see the whole thing. Right. Yeah. I can't wait to watch The Squibbining.

Well, it was a closure on my life. Then I got married. Does it hurt? Yeah. Yeah, what's next, Matt? Yeah, you do want to get squibbed while you're single. Next is I crack have you done

have you been had weird prosthetics on yet I yeah but not in any major like full head six hours kind of way just like a little is that on the list

honestly it doesn't excite me like once you go squibbing you can't go back that's true I've peaked go squibbing let's go squibbing now everybody's learning yeah um yeah i'm trying to think if i have anything like that that's like

oh i really thought that was cool as a kid i still like it now yeah i'd love to do it i think all the things that i thought was were cool as a kid i'd be afraid of now like they involve you know crashing a motorcycle. Yeah. Yeah, or, like, learning martial arts. Like, you go to a class and it's all people you don't want to hang out with. And they all tell you not to use it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So, like, but as a kid, like, you really did want to be cornered by a bully

and, like, really know how to dismantle them with martial arts. What about axe throwing? Would you do axe throwing? I've done axe throwing and it's fun all right yeah nice throwing too it's at the same place but it was fun yeah i did that at the renaissance fair and it was fun but it feels like you gotta if you really want to get good you gotta devote some real time do they still have that bartitsu school in town oh yeah what yeah. What's that? That's the umbrella martial art. Yeah, like fighting with umbrellas. Wait, now this may be my new life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you serious?

Yeah, it's a real thing. And is it just like a gentleman's thing where most of the time you use their own momentum and you step out of the way in like a roguish pose or something? Yeah, I think it's a bit like fencing. Was it featured in any movies? Like maybe one of the Sherlock Holmeses? Or something? Or the couple from the 60s TV show.

Oh, Avengers? The Avengers. Yeah, that makes sense. I feel like he maybe was a Bartitsu guy. Bartitsu? I've never even heard of that. Yeah. It's this place called Academy Duelo.

They should sponsor us for how often we talk about it. We've mentioned it. Is it nearby? It's downtown. So, yeah, it's not far. And it's like fencing and then stage, you know, like battle sword kind of fighting. My wife would be cool if like the rest of the day I was like, we're not going to go to Granville. I'm going to hit the Bartitsu.

No, bring her with. If she's in the arts, you know, put that on a resume. That's right. Your special skills. Bartitsu. Well, she's shooting tomorrow. You have all day resume. That's right, your special skills. Yeah, yeah. Bar titsu. Well, she's shooting tomorrow. You have all day tomorrow.

That's true. Yeah. I wonder if they do a drop in bar titsu. A full, like, accelerated master class in one day.

I'm sure they would love it. Are you kidding me? A Tuesday? I brought my own squib. Now, none of these umbrellas have like the knife

that comes out the end or the gas or anything like that, right? The gas. Penguin style. Yeah. I mean, I'm picturing it heightened a little, but it's probably not quite that. I think the ones they teach you with are not.

But you can probably, you know, what do you do with it? You open it up? Yeah, and maybe if those ones that kind of shoot out a little bit, boink, yeah, boink. Oh, yeah. Get a little reach. I could teach you that. Yeah. The button. kind of shoot out a little bit yeah point yeah oh yeah i think we can i could teach you that the button i i have thought when i've been walking like uh you know when all the bars are getting out or whatever i have thought about using that as a distraction to run away if somebody got my face

blink yeah like the the dinosaur that fans out oh yeah yeah oh yeah yeah like just to like and then run yeah you know create enough of a diversion. Make yourself seem bigger and primal. Yeah. But the dinosaur doesn't run away. No, no.

But I don't spit venom. You spit pretty hot lyrics. Yeah, that's true. Please don't punch me, sir. There's a police officer. Ta-da. That's really good. Now, Matt. me, sir. There's a police officer. That's really good. Now, Matt. Yes, Dave.

The other day, I made a joke on the internet about the song by Billy Joel, Downeaster Alexa. That's right. And your friend, Mark McConville. Friend. In this issue, not friends. mcconville friend in this issue not friends um he said something about how i was awakening a sleeping giant in you yeah uh i'm not like it's a song i've heard people kind of mention as a joke yeah uh or some people love it for some reason i've never heard it never once never i looked it up it's on uh it's fire it's on fire it's on fire it's on the album right after we didn't start the fire it's on that album but it comes right after yes so late late uh later

career are you a billy billy joel had not by trade no not like i'm not in any heavy way but i happened to be given this album as a birthday gift I think my senior year of high school okay and I just it was like the first one I had when I was driving no I must I must have been a junior or sophomore because I was driving around and I remember being by myself and putting the tape in and this is the album I associate with like you know independence and I'm driving my dad's buick and um so well it's just fair yeah as i mean do you know the song down easter alexa i've heard that whole album uh-huh but i don't is that his that's that was how many albums between that and river of dreams uh i i

want to say it might be none but it could could be another. But I think River of Dreams was the next one because I think he took a little break. Yeah. I could be wrong. Well, River of Dreams was 92, 93. Yeah. So I bet it was his next one. Because I remember that because it was my first high school party. See, here we go.

Billy Joel forms a young man. I went to the party. I gave the guy River of Dreams as a present and he laughed at me. Oh, no. Really? Yeah. I guess it was adult contemporary

by that point. Yeah. Should I have laughed at the guy that gave me mine? I don't know. Because I remember walking into my

algebra class and it was on my desk. It was my birthday and it was wrapped and on my desk by my buddy Jim. Aw. Yeah.

That's awesome. I guess it was but look what it's done to me. It's, you know. But you have an attachment to the songs on that album because of the age that you were when you were listening to it. So that's going to be with you the rest of your life. And I do actually think We Didn't Start the Fire, it's certainly a unique song.

Uh-huh. I will still, so many words in it. I'll search it on YouTube. I'll listen to the video. I like watching the video. We like, we,

uh, we, I think almost two years ago, you showed me this guy who had just done like a year in review of him and his friends. Just,

oh, it's brilliant. And he came up with like, it's four verses long it's really like is it we didn't start the fire yeah

with different lyrics yeah but it's all about him and his friends activities that year so like we went to the water slides yeah

yeah and like yeah Brian got his driver's license da da da da but let me say something about Downy Star Alexa like I recognize and understand that this song is a heavy-handed mariner's tale.

Okay. Right. So, a part of me just likes trolling McConville. Oh, okay. But I do like the song, and I do think it's a good melody. If you take the 90s production out of it, like, if you step back and just say, if you put maybe some different lyrics, or you know what?

Take these lyrics. Do what you want with them. It's a solid song. He's a good songwriter. Can I stop down the show, plug in my phone, and we have a listen to it? I would love it.

I would love it. Let's do some commentary. Okay. Do you remember the band, The Crash Test Dummies? Oh, hell yeah. I saw them live. Their first album, I that haunt me ghost

that haunt me it's a good album it's i think it's fantastic it's like almost like roots bluegrass and country at times yeah you wouldn't expect it by their second album which everybody knew that different version right yeah yeah the uh that was an album that i don't know how like i think it was maybe my parents like trying to encourage us to listen to Canadian music. I don't know. These are the Speedo parents. Yeah, yeah. These are the same parents of Speedo.

So this album is 1989. Yeah. Okay. So around about that time, I would have been listening to the Batman soundtrack. Oh, yeah. The Prince Batman soundtrack? Yeah. Oh, wow.

Yeah. Maybe Jesus Jones was on the horizon sure uh i think i probably still would have been listening to michael jackson's bad at this oh sure i think around this time i was probably listening to this okay so it's what is a down easter storm yeah yeah. Yeah. No, it's his boat. Oh, okay. The name of the boat is Downeaster Alexa. But yeah, I think a Downeaster is a storm, maybe. But his daughter's name is Alexa as well. So this thing goes levels deep. Yeah. His daughter was a newborn at the time?

Yeah, she was very young. With a daughter we named after the boat. Yeah. Oh, he named her after Sergeant Slaughter. And then she was a G.I. Joe. Sergeant Alexa Slaughter. Okay, My first listening To this song

Everyone be quiet For the next four minutes Just kidding Okay So it's Maritime There's like a squeeze box In there Yeah he's playing

He's not playing piano Oh I already love it Yeah Yeah This is the type of song I love If this was the voice You would have turned Your chair around Yeah I already love it. Yeah. Yeah. This is the type of song I love. If this was the voice, you would have turned your chair around. Yeah.

There were so many references, I didn't know what they meant. Martha's? Yeah. Probably Martha's. Mm-hmm. Sheila's. Sheila's Vineyard? Yeah.

He's just going up and down that seaboard. So we got Montauk, Gardner's Bay. He had to sell his home. Now we're getting personal. For the boat? Yeah.

See? He's a fan of that phrase, work your fingers to the bone. Has he used that? Yeah. See? He's a fan of that phrase, work your fingers to the bone. Has he used that? Yeah, several albums. Work your fingers to the bone. Maybe he knew somebody who actually did or something. They're giants of...

Yeah, I don't know if that's like a... A wave? Or another big ship? Yeah. Hmm. This is really like some high school English class. Yeah, that's it. Thatathan or another big ship? Yeah. Hmm. This is really like some high school English class.

Yeah, that's it. That's exactly it. Yeah. Did you ever do that thing where you got to bring in a song and like into like

when you're doing your poetry unit? Oh yeah, sure. Probably would have done the crash test, don't you? I would have. But he gets to like a non-verbal refrain

where there's no words in a second. Is it like a lie-la-lie? Close. It's an aye-aye-aye. Which is also maritime as well. I didn't even realize that. Yeah, aye-aye-tappin'. Oh, he's genius.

Every time I find something new on this. It's like a sternal sunshine of the spotless night. Here we go. Uh-oh. Pew, pew, pew! Those are some synthesized seagulls. Yeah, or laser beams.

Yeah, yeah, sky laser beams. Uh-oh, here comes the Decepticons. And now there's a live version where Itzhak Perlman plays the fiddle on this. Oh, wow. Yeah. So you know it's legit.

Is that real fiddle on the recording or midi fiddle? Hard to say. Midi fiddy? I bet you it's real but an electric fiddle. Like there's some woman in a like Robert Palmer dress. Vanessa May.

Yeah. Wasn't there a movie where somebody plays an electric violin? Maybe Return of Revenge of the Nerds maybe? Oh yeah.

Yeah. In their song. Was that the I.I.I. part? Maybe. But we were so intrigued by the seagulls. But this is very much what

billy joel does he writes these like songs about a guy who's not who he is yeah right yeah like his piano man or he was still in the name yeah yeah yeah he writes about these character songs yeah yeah because also scenes from an italian restaurant's not about him yeah yeah there it is Because also scenes from an Italian restaurant's not about him. Yeah, yeah. There it is. Oh, hi-yo. This is a shanty. Yeah, it really is a shanty.

I could see this, yeah, like if you were at a bar with a bunch of Billy Joel fans, like, let's all sing along to this song. And the balls to put out a sea shanty in the early 90s, late 80s, I mean. I mean, so close to the Exxon Valdez. That's right. He could have been killed. What comes next? Is it?

Oh, hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Is it? Uptown Girl. No. Is it? Uptown Girl reprise.

That's not her style? No. When in Rome uh hold on hold on oh extremes oh it's another goodie

it's another goodie wow yeah look I don't we could do the whole album but we won't cause but that I feel like in the early days

of podcasting we would have been like iTunes is gonna take us off the store but that's uh that but now they know they just sold 5,000 copies of whatever that that's uh that well now they know they just sold a 5 000 copies of whatever that's right

album is called stormfront uh what was it called heat the album yeah stormfront storefront right it gets to the heart of that old question of like what's a good movie and what's a movie you like, right? Right. So I don't, except when I'm trolling McConville, I don't put this out there as like one of the greats, but the time and a place in my life. Sure, yeah. And it's like if you, if Gordon Lightfoot wrote

Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald in a studio filled with synthesizers. Yeah, and it wasn't appreciated by enough people. Right. Yeah. Have you, because this happened to me not that long ago. Was it the rack of the Edmund Fitzgerald? No, no.

A boat with a big set of jugs? No, no, no. The rack of just Edmund Fitzgerald. The rack of Edmund Fitzgerald. Oh, I smell a spoof. Where you've like there's certainly there's a check out the gitchy goomies on her gitchy goomies um where you've presented something as i remember this being really excellent from your past yeah and then realizing in real time oh you're trying to show it to someone yeah

yeah yeah where you're like oh this is not good yeah well certain things get grandfathered in past and then realizing in real time. Oh, you were trying to show it to someone? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where you're like, oh, this is not good. Yeah. Well, certain things get grandfathered in before you develop your critical skills, you know? And so they still work for you. But like Return of the Jedi is that way to me. I recognize that movie is full of problems, but I still watch it as a young guy, you know?

But you could show that to somebody who hadn't seen it and it would be somewhat enjoyable yeah yeah uh because i there was this movie called you know digstown okay yeah oh james woods yes i've never seen it but i remember that because i remember hearing them on a morning radio promoting that movie yeah like so this is gonna be big huh big time and james woods was like this is it basically like this is the one and uh i remember as a kid thinking it was so fucking good and then i never could find it online because it kept changing titles oh oh really yeah it was like that uh marky mark danny devito movie? Which one is that? Which one is that? Well, Edge of Tomorrow did that, too.

Yeah, Live, Die, Repeat. Yeah, like this one was called Diggstown, and this one, there was another, all IMDB these. Diggsville. Yeah, well, they all had Diggs in it, but I still couldn't find it. It's Diggs with two Ds?

Two Gs? Two Gs. Like Taye Diggs? And anyway, so like, and then it was on one of these streaming services at my friend's house. And I was like, oh my God, we got to watch Diggs Town. What's the plot of Diggs Town? I know that the tagline is where the pros meet the cons. Are they boxers or something?

James Wood is a con man who's just got out of prison and he's looking to make a little money. A little, looking to get back in the game. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And he goes to this small town that, you know how in the eighties, like there was a guy in the small town that owned the town. Yeah, sure.

A lot of roadhouse. Yeah. In the eighties. In movies or in general? I assume in general. Yeah. In movies or in general? I assume in general.

Yeah. So there's a guy who, you know, he owns the town. And James Wood says, you know, I've got a guy who's so good at boxing that he'll box literally every guy in town. Like one after the other. And so he gets Lou Gossett Jr. out of retirement and trains him up. Lou Gossett Jr. out of retirement and trains him up. And this guy, this old Lou Gossett Jr. gets in the ring and fights these guys one at a time.

Pretty good plot. Who's the guy that owns the town? Oh, he's like... Bruce Dern? Yes, Bruce Dern. Oh, wow. Well, I have it in front of me. I just can't find any other titles for it. Yeah, it wasn't called Diggs Town on the streaming service.

I was just flipping through and then saw the picture and I was like, oh my god, this is Diggs Town. And it was so bad. It's so bad. Now I'm curious. I really pinned my reputation on it, too. I'll tell you what Leonard Maltin said about it. Oh, yeah? Not good?

He called it amiable, but complains the script is contrived. Two and a half out of five stars. Oh, boy. I don't know that I would even give it that upon the watching. Like, we didn't get all the way through it. Really? Yeah. I was like, let's turn this off.

So he says two and a half out of five. IMDB says 5.5 out of 10. Rotten Tomatoes, 54%. Everyone agrees this is a... Middle of the road. Yeah. Oh boy. Dave, what's going on with you, man? Oh boy, what is going on with me?

Well, you guys, let me check. Oh, here's what's going on with me. And I wonder if it's already happened today. Everyday Domino's emails me. Every day? At 9 in the morning. Oh, here's what's going on with me. And I wonder if it's already happened today. Every day Domino's emails me. Every day? At nine in the morning. Oh, wow. Wake up.

And it's usually something along the lines of having a rough day and at nine in the morning. Oh, it knows its clientele. Like, you know, you deserve, you treat yourself to Domino's. But I don't, I've never ordered pizza that early in the morning. I don't think they're open that early in the morning. Are they just planting a seed? Or is it a different time zone? Like, I don't know.

Coast, maybe. Because I do get, I mean, I've signed up for my local deals. Yeah. I don't remember signing up for my local deals. But on their website, they send you right to your local Domino's.

Yeah, I get regular ones from Pizza Hut. And once in a while, they'll send me one that says, we haven't

heard from you for a while. So they're just like checking in. Yeah. Wondering if you're okay.

Yeah. The staff here at you're okay. Yeah. The staff here at Pizza Hut. By the sheer fact that you haven't ordered pizza should mean you're actually doing better. Yeah. They're checking in to see that you're okay. Yeah. Are you dead? You eat too much pizza? If Pizza Hut is the guy who finds out that you're dead.

So it's been a big junk food week for me. Yeah. Yesterday I went to, I was at Safeway and I saw that they had in Canada, at certain stores you can buy Big Mac sauce, Filet-O-Fish sauce, and McChicken sauce. You can't, is that not an American thing? It's just a test thing they're doing here, like a promo thing. Lucky sons of bitches. But apparently. Bring some back with you.

Yeah, sure. The Safeway at. Customs issue. At. Yeah. According to the customer service woman at Safeway, that commercial and Broadway store is the junk food capital of Canada. What?

Because she was like, yeah, a woman called ahead to see if we still had it because it's selling out at all the other safeways and a woman like reserved three bottles of it and because we get a much bigger shipment of junk food than other safeways huh and that's just because it sells bigger just demographically yeah it's right by it's right by a train train station Yeah But I can't imagine why else I can't imagine either Weird And why would somebody Like

Have you tried it? I bought it But I haven't tried it yet But what are you You're just gonna put it on a burger I might even put it on a salad Yeah Yeah

Ruin a salad Yeah It's Thousand Island dressing isn't it? Yeah isn't it? It's Well it's ketchup and dressing isn't it yeah isn't it it's well it's ketchup and mayonnaise and relish what's filet of fish sauce what's that i think tartar sauce i've never had a filet of fish i've never had tartar sauce oh i've had both yeah yeah what do you think what is what is tartar like what is the what is the taste of it turns into plaque oh yeah that's

true yeah i think i've had tartar sauce with like fish and chips it's like it's yeah it's creamy it's a creamy thing mayonnaisey or like horseradishy kind of yeah does it have relish in it no okay i'm thinking maybe of the the other one yeah big The Big Mac sauce. And what's the other one? The third sauce? Mayonnaise. McChicken sauce. Oh, it's just mayonnaise. I mean, it's apparently slightly different.

And. So I'm going to dig into those. That's what's going on with me this week. But then I just remembered I have better things going on. So we might cut all that. No, no. So I have a 10-year-old Subaru. Filled with McDonald's special sauce. Filled with squibs.

And we're just going to shoot it. And the fob, the like beep boop to unlock it, stopped working. And I've had it fixed. I've had the battery replaced. It just doesn't work anymore. But if you try to open it with your key, the alarm goes off. Ah.

Fun. So the worst of both worlds. Yeah. And so I looked up how to disable it. And it's like, if you look up how to disable things on like new cars, it's like you're hacking a mechanical thing. Like what it told me to do on line was you, I think you go, you turn, you turn your car on three times.

You hold down the lock button. You, uh, open the door while the button is locked. And then you wait 10 seconds. It beeps twice. And then you have to turn off your car, turn it back on.

And, and there's all like, if you want to program a new fob, there's, like, you turn your car on 10 times and then, like, switch the windshield wipers on. Really? There's so many just sort of. Did it work? Yeah. Huh. So now I can use my, like, just key to open the door.

Oh, wow. That was industrious. I know. But, like, that seems like something young Matt would have done. I guess. Yeah, wow. That was industrious. I know, but that seems like something young Matt would have done. I guess. Yeah, maybe. Or it reminded me there was a story about a blind guy who could, like he could hack phones by making like chirping sounds.

Oh, he would do the pitches exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Huh. Yeah. That seems like a movie plot from something. And like, there's a way to like, like hang up a bunch of times that gives you free long distance or something.

Yeah. I remember that. I remember also there was like, uh, something about the mail. Like if you wrote the return address as the main address that you could get free, like and not put a stamp on it. Oh, sure. If you're in the same town, I guess. Yeah, that it would send it to the return address, but you would put that as the main,

like, you'd switch the address. Uh-huh. So you'd put the return address as the one that you were sending it to, and then they would just deliver it to. Return to sender. That reminds me. That was like an old-timey hack. I used to do this thing When I was a kid Like obviously

Pre cell phones And if you picked up Your landline Anybody in the house Picked it up At the same time You would hear them So I would go out late

After I was supposed To be home And I would call home My mom Like sleeping Would pick up the phone And I'd go It's okay mom

I got it And so she Would think I was Just in the room But the thing is I wasn't doing Anything think i was just in the room but the thing is is like i wasn't doing anything crazy like i was just over at my buddy's watching a movie it wasn't i should have used it for but yeah because that's annoying too like hey uh tell your friends to stop calling so late yeah yeah why why are your friends calling just have them write a letter to us. We'll have it returned to sender.

But that's very clever. It's risky, though. But it worked. Yeah, but if she would have come in and I wasn't there, it would have been a real twist, real twist ending. Oh, you didn't have a Ferris Bueller set up? I didn't, no. Didn't have a mannequin and a snoring guy?

I have a friend who... Your friend didn't, for your birthday, have a mannequin and a snoring guy? I have a friend who. Your friend didn't, for your birthday, give you a tape of snoring? It's a new Billy Joel album. Oh, hey. Hey, wait a minute. Burn on Billy Joel. I have a friend who's building, you know, the thing to punch in your number to get in. That was broken and the landlord wasn't

fixing it so he just went online and learned how to reprogram it by just pressing in a series of codes but that model is on i don't know 75 percent of apartment buildings you could just go do that anyway you could just yeah reprogram anybody's apartment and it's super easy like there's just like a set code to like like, restart it from zero. What are you guys doing tomorrow? Well, after Bartitsu, I have. Let's go hit some apartment buildings and cause some havoc. You guys want to fight club this town or what?

Come on. Yeah, it's like, where's my, I'm going to have to, you know, make sure that my roommate doesn't know that I'm not home. So I'll pick up the phone and say, I've got it. Uh, and then I'll be able to sneak out the whole day. I got to do that to my wife in our hotel room. I got it. I'm in the bathroom.

On that bathroom phone that's always by the toilet. But this YouTube video was, I mean, I was using it as an owner, but I'm guessing you could break into cars with all this information. Yeah. I guess you need to have a key to go back and forth in the lock. Yeah, but stealing keys is, all you need is a coat hanger and be in a jail cell and lift them up. That's right.

You need a sleepy sheriff. What's going on with you? I was I was riding on the bus yesterday And I saw a thing And I was like What What am I looking at?

And it was a A toy That Is held kind of between the thumb And the middle finger A fidget spinner Yeah I had to like look it up

I only know to say fidget spinner. I don't know what it is and what the craze is, but I know it's the next part. I see them advertised on, you know, the side of Facebook. Yeah, like I had never seen it or heard of it. And I was looking at this kid on the bus like, like what it must have been like for the first person to see like an electronic cigarette. Like, what? Why is it blue? It sort of looks like a throwing star. Yeah.

Yeah, but it just spins and it looks like super fun. And you can do tricks with it? Well, this kid was just spinning it. Right. Maybe you could do tricks with it. Amateur. Yeah, yeah. But I feel like if the backlash isn't here yet, it's coming.

Oh, is it? Let's start it. Let's do it right now. I'm so tired of these. Sick of them these sick of them i only learned about them yesterday but i'm over them god but i think it's like like the you know those hoverboards or yeah pogs yeah but i i like did i like went online to look it up and i literally google like spinning thing between your fingers and it fidgets. That was enough, yeah. And it was designed for people with autism and ADHD.

It was a therapeutic tool. I saw something about that. Yeah, just to keep people who are constantly having to fidget with something. They just give them. You guys are both fidgeting. I'm fidgeting with an object right now. Right, yeah.

I feel like you guys are both. Well, you mentioned objects, and I was like, well, I got to pull the thing. My brother went, after high school, he went to a very fancy Ivy League university. And when he came back the first Christmas, he had learned how to do all these spinning. Oh, yeah. Like spinning a pen around your. Oh, wow. Oh, like you with a coin. Oh, whoa. You could do it with a coin. Sometimes. I used to. learned how to do all these spinning oh yeah like spinning a pen around your oh wow oh like

you could do with a coin sometimes i used to just like you know you know not even thinking about it like you're thinking of something else and it's this pen is just going around his fingers yeah val kilmer does it in like eight movies and he gets a hand double for all of them you're doing that's amazing that you can do that but i I also had this past. That's what you just learned at a nice university. Yeah, that's it. Because is this something you had to learn how to do

in order to like do magic? Yeah. Yeah, that looks like a magic, magic hand movement you've got. Yeah, it's the past underneath. I can't really do it very easily.

Disagree. Pretty smooth. Good thumbing. It's really worth bringing back. Is a quarter the best one to do it with? Yeah, I think I learned with like a 50 cent piece or something, but no. You'd probably, you know

what, up here you'd be killing it because we got the Toonies, which are real big. Oh yeah, yeah. I'm going to try one of those out later today if I feel like i'm losing amanda but yeah anyways it was like uh yeah it was like seeing something from the future like because it because it lit up too when it was spinning it lit up oh yeah oh my nephew has one really and he brought it to the door like like look like i got one like like you yeah and

and i think i saw paul f tompkins posted a photo of of a store that said we have fidget spinners which reminds me of pogs like it's like yeah yeah don't worry i know they're out all over the world but we've got them yeah you're gonna be okay yeah like beanie babies or whatever that's like the other yeah yeah but it was it was just so weird it's like because yeah if i had seen somebody on a hoverboard before i had heard that they existed you would have thought it was cool wow yeah i would have been like what am i seeing yeah i would have been like what like before we were conditioned to hate them yeah yeah yeah it's quick it's a quick turnaround it really was like hearing about them you're like

like right on one of those and then it wasn't even two months later everybody was like only lamos yeah did you did you try one no i never got a chance i tried one yeah i did yeah it was did you manage to stay on it was this for how uh how did Made? No. I was there too. No, but it was, I teach and it was one of my students brought it to class. And I, so I just would give me that thing. Let me try it out. Is this really all it's cracked up to be? Right. And so it just took five minutes to try to lecture on one of those things.

And did it get very hot? It blew up. Yeah, because I've just seen a lot of videos Of people crashing into drywall And ruin Oh sure You know Catch fire

Yeah yeah I feel like Mike Tyson got on one At Christmas and fell off it on his butt And that was really You know that was really fun for everybody But now they're virtually gone Right I was in the

I was in the pharmacy like A week ago A week ago yeah And there was a girl just shopping on one Of course Yeah Right. I was in the pharmacy like two weeks ago. And there was a girl just shopping on one. Of course. Yeah. Women be shopping. Yeah, yeah.

And I was like, what? Now she's buying a fidget spinner. But they're not all terrain, right? They have to be honest. Some of them are. Really? Well, I'm sure you can get a big one. Like big knobby monster truck tires?

Yeah. You're like eight feet off the ground. Well, you know what I see now a lot are like those long skateboards with a motor. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And a rudder. Yeah, sure.

Mine's called the Downeaster Alexa. Wouldn't it be great? But, you know, so soon fidget spinners Will be I guess In the thrift shops I mean Look we pre-taped These episodes

So We'll probably be done You said this will come out In about a month Yeah Gone Gone What'll be the craze

A month from now Someone else will have The credit for starting The backlash against These things I mean it'll be on record Let's hold up a newspaper To the mic

Yeah Should we move on To Overheard Sure I mean, it'll be on record. Let's hold up a newspaper to the mic. Yeah. Should we move on to Overheard? Sure. Life can be fun. Don't get carried away. You gotta do the things you don't want to do to get through the day. You gotta shine your shoes. You gotta sweep the floor.

You gotta clean your house. You gotta do some more. Take care of business. Guys, I know we said overheard, but we lied. We're liars. We just got our prank certificate. And that means we're allowed to prank anybody we want. I got my prank certificate, too.

Oh, congratulations. I got a separate better prank certificate. What? Did you get the gold leaf one? I got Magna Prank Loud, eh? We have... Because I do the loudest pranks. Behind you!

Guys, a lot of nonsense here. But one thing that's not nonsense, the hardworking people at ZipRecruiter. That's right. This episode is brought to you in part by ZipRecruiter. You can post your job up to 100 plus job sites with just one click. And I'm usually a double click man, but for this, I will go one click and be on my way. I'll save my other click for some other website.

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And you just go to ziprecruiter.com slash happy. That's ziprecruiter.com slash happy. One more time to try it for free. Go to ziprecruiter.com slash happy. Dave, behind you! No! Magna, come out!

Frankie! Hi, this is Griffin McElroy. Hi, this is Rachel McElroy. And we're the hosts of Rose Buddies. It's a podcast about the Bachelor family of products. We watch The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, and Bachelor in Paradise. Yes, it is garbage television, but we're the king and queen of this garbage pile. We're the raccoons in charge around here. So join us on Tuesdays.

Because the TV show's on Mondays. And basically we'll recap what we saw and we'll just sort of scoop the garbage around us and make a little fort out of it. No viewing required. But it's a good TV show. What are you doing? Are stacks of unread books taking over your apartment?

Do you constantly miss your train stop because you're caught up in reading? I'm Bria Grant. And I'm Mallory O'Meara. We party hard. And by party hard, we mean read books. So join us every Thursday on Reading Glasses, a maximum fun podcast about reading and book culture. Get more out of your reading life.

We'll help you conquer your to-be-read pile. Get out of that book slump. And squeeze more reading out of your reading life. We'll help you conquer your to-be-read pile, get out of that book slump, and squeeze more reading time into your busy day. Learn how to read better. Wow, that was good. Overheard. Overheard's a segment in which we hear things out there in the world, then we share them here on the podcast,

and you know what? We kind of sprung this on our guest at the last minute, so we're going to get Dave to start. We're like, we're very apologetic, Matt. No, but I'm familiar. Hey, Matt. Yeah. It's the same space here. I should have known.

I should have thought I had to do this because I did know about this. Oh, okay. What are you fidgeting with now? I'm not sure. It's a chip clip. What is that? It's the original fidget spinner. To close a bag of chips?

This little thing? Well, I mean. You got to fold over and then. We have big ones too. But this. You know who's got some big ones. This is like a little dime bag. Oh, Edna Fitzgerald.

Oh, man. How could, like a little dime bag? Yeah. Oh, man. How could, how could a little dime bag? Yeah, well, we sell those here in Canada. But like, it could also, any bag,

it could clip any bag closed. Yeah, yeah. It's from Ikea. A small collectible bag of hair. Well, I just overheard a lot of horse shit.

I'm not buying this right now. There's mine. I'm done. Some loose G.I. Joe screws. Now, my overheard is an overseen. Okay.

This is a car I was behind in traffic and it had a, it didn't have a vanity plate, but it had a, like a license plate. What do you call it? The frame? Frame. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And it was a Ford truck. Built for tough, were they? It was. Yeah. Yeah. The top of the license plate frame says ford the bottom says i don't care oh yeah and the ford logo on the back of the car has been changed and it just says gary ah nice with two r's yeah this was a custom job if you have the wherewithal

to change it why not but like if you really don't care that you drive a Ford, then just don't comment on it. Here's how much I don't care about this Ford. I'm just going to change it to Gary. Yeah, but that feels like a customization that's like, can you get that? Like, can you get a BMW that just says your name? Look at that. It's like a proper pro job. Huh.

I really like it. I think it's cool. I like it. And then below the trailer hitch, a little boat propeller. Oh, I thought you were truck nuts or something. No. No. This guy's nautical.

This guy's a downeaster. Oh, yeah, man. Oh, and he gets it. Downeaster Gary. Yeah. Yeah, I think it'd be cool to have a Saab, and then it just. Yeah, I think it'd be cool to have a sob, and then it just says, Dave. I think it'd be cool to have a sob. Oh, boy.

My overheard comes courtesy of riding the bus down here this morning. Okay. Really just hoping for something to fall in my lap. Boy, did it. As you know, we live in the age of people just watching something on their phones without earbuds in it. As you know, we live in the age of people just watching something on their phones without earbuds in public. And I had earbuds in and I was like, but I could

hear this guy's over my plugged in earbuds. I was like, oh brother, what is this jackass listening to? And he was listening to a tutorial on how to properly wash your hands. Is this an NPR thing? Because I saw that recently come up, like 42.5 seconds on how to properly wash your

hands. Oh, really? Maybe that was it. Yeah. I'll bet it was. What am I doing wrong? I didn't listen. Oh.

But it was, yeah, it was just about like that you're supposed to say the whole alphabet or something while you're scrubbing. Well, see, that makes you seem even more OCD, like something that already is very OCD. Can I do a twinkle, twinkle, little star? Oh, I got lost. I got to start all over again. Jay. I got lost in the L-M-N-O.

For sure. The one thing I heard is people need to dry their hands better. Oh. That's for sure, because the number of times somebody's given me a handshake at the comedy club. Not even that. Oh, I just came from the bathroom. Yeah. It's jarring.

It's jarring. But that's part of it. It's part of the wash. Is drying. Yeah. Yeah. But, you know, like, give us better options for drying, I think. It's either destroy the environment or blast water onto your crotch.

For 15 minutes. Or the Dyson one. Oh, yeah, the dip in. Yeah, Airblade. Yeah. Where you just see your hand skin flapping around. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I thought my hand skin was pretty taut, you know, but no. Now, this is going to sound stupid, but we were talking over the Downeaster Alexa. Does he die in it? I assume he dies in it. No, I don't think he does, which I think that would have put it over into the greatest songs ever made. So does he just get home after going on the fishing? Yeah, I think it's just a day in the life.

He is, yeah. Yeah, he talks about it. He's telling my wife i've been trawling atlantis yeah one of the lyrics okay yeah she's dumb she'll believe anything what does he rhyme with it praying mantis yeah praying mantis is good no it's not a rhyme i don't think tell my wife i've been trawling atlantis that's right pretty good uh did it did those overheard jogging so i have a combination overheard overseen that isn't it i think it's not entirely an overheard because i was part of the conversation you know what i mean it's not like i just witnessed

this thing but it wasn't an intended part of the conversation. It's something that happened indirectly. Is that okay? We have very loose morals. Okay. Because, I mean, I understand if this doesn't apply, but I think you'll find it's worth it. We have no recourse. Okay. Yeah. So a close member of my family, an older person in the family, I won't say who because they'll never listen, but you never know.

Right. ever listen but you never know right was showing us an exhaustive batch of photos from a long trip overseas into all parts of europe right like the type that was put on a cd and you had to were forced to sit down on a couch and watch a interminable slideshow of the entirety of all of continental europe and they had it done professionally like you would at like a Long's Drugs or a Walmart or something. Yeah. So, or someone did it, some independent thing, but they put jaunty acoustic instrumental covers of soft 60s and 70s rock songs.

So it gets to the Auschwitz photos and what's playing but an acoustic instrumental version of Van Morrison's Brown Eyed Girl. Oh, Jesus. Over these pictures of Auschwitz and I was like, what?

And so I started like, kind of like going, what's happening here? And they were like, what? And I was like, well, listen, like the music

you have under this thing. Oh, yeah, I guess that's odd. Oh, boy. Yeah. It would be, I guess it wouldn't necessarily sound odd if you didn't know the song. But it was like, didn't think, you know, it was real upbeat.

Too upbeat. Even the tone. Yeah. I mean, they don't have. Too upbeat. Even the tone. Yeah. I mean, they don't have a DJ working this thing who's going through it. It's like, well, they're going to Auschwitz, so let's slow things down. Or maybe silence for a little while. Now, we have overheards that have been sent in to us by people around the horn. First bass. Second bass want to send one in.

Second base. Yeah. Shortstop. If you want to send one in to us, you can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org. Sorry, I'm just, oh. This first one comes from Shiler, I want to say. Shiler D.

S-H-U-Y-L-E-R. Yeah, that's a Shiler, right? to say. Shiler D. S-H-U-Y-L-E-R? Yeah, that's a Shiler, right? That's a name. There's a cool woman in my office fresh out of college. Must be nice. Okay, Shiler. A leather jacket. Shiler, like, calm things down a little bit.

She comes in with a leather jacket and a pompadour. Thumbs up. Takes off the motorcycle helmet. She goes into the office jukebox and gives it a slap. motorcycle helmet. She goes into the office jukebox and gives it a slap. She was talking to her boss about musical instruments

when she said, I just want to learn to play something cool, like the spoons. Were the spoons ever cool? No, this throws into question her whole coolness in the first place. Maybe he just heard her say cool and then associated that

yeah the songs you can play on the spoons are spoon man and a bunch of i feel like you can sing any song over spoons yeah yeah brown eyed girl oh susanna yeah spoon man This next one comes from Hunter E. From Seattle, Washington. I know Hunter. Oh, yeah. Nice guy. No. What?

At a habitat restoration volunteer day event. Is that like a habitat for humanity? I don't know. But like, just like the no-name version? Yeah, or the cool way to say it, like name-dropper version of it. Yeah. Doesn't give you the full name. One dragged along kid to another.

I can't believe we have to do this. And on Earth Day of all days. I had so many plans. Yeah, I was going to show my affection for Mother Earth. I was going to dig. I had so many plans. Yeah. I was going to show my affection for Mother Earth.

I was going to dig. I love a kid who thinks Earth Day is like a sacred. Like it's a sacred day for kids. Earth Day. Or like, oh man, there's so many fake holidays now with that. Just you've learned about it on a hashtag. I feel like a kid would be like, I can't believe we have to take a test on national cheeseburger day well that's more that's definitely for the kids national cheeseburger day that's when you say every day is kids day yeah stuff like that uh and this last one comes from olivia w um this is an overheard from jury duty a group of us were in

the empaneling room waiting for the attorneys to question us to decide if they want us on their jury uh two women near me apparently strangers until this moment were comparing strategies for throwing the selection process and getting out of servant. Someone said, I wasn't born yesterday. Then, after a very thoughtful pause, she added, I wish I had been. Then I wouldn't have to be here. I'd just be at home, asleep. I wish I was born on Earth Day.

Merry Christmas. Happy birthday. Have you ever been born? Yeah. Merry Christmas, happy birthday to whoever being born. What, have either of you been on jury duty? I, yeah, I served on a murder trial, attempted murder. Ah. Yeah. And?

Got pushed down to manslaughter, involuntary manslaughter. How long of a trial? It was eight days, I think. Wow. Maybe, yeah. It was eight days, I think. Wow. Maybe, yeah. It was a while ago. Why was, you know, I just watched a thing about the OJ Simpson trial, and that was like 10 months or something? Yeah, I don't know why a thing like that needs so much time.

Why was that so long? Because you have the right to a speedy trial, and I think it's something like 10 or 11 months, the defendants can actually start to contest on the grounds that you're not getting a speedy trial. Oh, yeah. Boy, I have no authority on that. No, but you know what? I heard that recently. In this room, you are. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right. The only thing I know you have a right to is a speedy auto glass repair. Now, in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us. Do it. We aren't afraid of you. Our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That is one.

Ugh. SpyPod 1. I think Hunter was the person who first noticed that it spelled out. Oh, that it spelled out? Ugh. Pretty good. Here we go. Hey, that it spelled out? Ugh. Pretty good. Here we go. Hey, Dave, Graham, and guests.

This is Taz from Ames, Iowa, calling in with an overseen. I work at a comic shop all the time, and it's in a college town, so we get a lot of young adults wanting to get jobs here. And I had somebody drop off a resume, and it's got a normal resume stuff in the back. It's also got, like, their nerd experience. And they put a Star Wars header, and one of the lines under the Star Wars header, actually on a person's resume, says they were kidnapped by a stormtrooper at Disney World. Should I hire him or not?

Let me know. Like, when he was a kid, and they're like, does somebody in the audience want to be kidnapped by a stoldrum? Yeah, I need more context. What? That you have nerd experience with different headings on your resume. What's your nerd experience? I wasn't well liked. Exactly.

Asthma. Yeah, I wore Speedo. Yeah, but like, I just love that somebody just is putting experiences that they had in their life. Yeah, but what? Like kidnapped in a sort of jokey look. Everybody's out on the streets of Disneyland and the stormtrooper's like, you're coming with me. Or kidnapped by a guy playing a stormtrooper who takes them home, gets out of the suit and keeps him for a while. Well, what are we talking about?

Get in my space van. Yeah, I think it's the, it sounds like it's the former. Yeah, but that seems kind of random to me. You're a theme park guy. Yeah, for many years. You like, you see a stormtrooper kidnap anyone? No, I don't think I have. I have to say that is not par for the course.

What was your role at a theme park for many years? I did like improv shows, kind of like Whose Line Is It Anyway? For the adjacent Disney park called California Adventure. Oh, okay. Yeah, and then did some other stuff like that talking trash can thing and then there was this other job where we did improv

in a restaurant that was soap opera themed. Was it themed after a specific property? It was ABC soap opera, so General Hospital. Days of Our Lives? Yeah, no.

Young and the Restless? I don't know. I don't, one of those I bet. I don't remember. We feel like young, is that CBS? Yeah, I think so. I don't know, we see them on the of those, I bet. I don't remember. We feel like young, at CBS? Yeah,

I think so. I don't know, we see them on the Canadian, yeah. I'm not sure myself, but I forget. It was also. What was the talking trash can?

What was it like? It was sort of those Disney metal trash cans that have those flaps that say push on them. Yeah. Yeah, so this guy was named Push

and it was like a really super fancy robot that looked just like a regular trash can and i would go out in the crowd dressed like i would be right now and i'd have a duffel bag and my hand is in the duffel bag so it's already creepy and i have a remote control and i can control it move it anywhere at any time and then a secret microphone in my hand that i just put up to my face and it changes my voice to a high-pitched robot voice that speaks through the trash can so

i would just talk to kids as the trash can but i'd be kind of standing behind them and they were it was really cool actually i was kidnapped by a trash can i know yeah that's my nerd experience i get a job at that comic store i feel like a in a college town a comic shop gets like a hundred resumes a day yeah yeah it It's the dream job. Right. Here's your next phone call. Hey, Dave and Graham. Love stop talking to yourself.

I'm leaving a barbecue right now. And some random dude that was at the barbecue was talking to his girlfriend, I'm assuming. was at the barbecue, was talking to his girlfriend, I'm assuming, and they were having a very in-depth conversation about how the boy in the relationship hated birds and would never kiss a bird. No, I will never kiss a bird, and no, they don't have cheeks. Birds do not have cheeks, and crows definitely do not have cheeks and i will never kiss never i will never ever kiss a bird so i thought that was pretty funny that he

beaks not yeah yeah you get one eek word on your face yeah that's it you don't get both that's why i won't let anyone take a leak on my face. What was it like? Would you kiss a bird even on the cheek? They don't have cheeks. I don't think I'd kiss a bird either. I mean. Yeah, they're not kissable. Yeah.

No, and they're of disease. Oh, yeah. Although you see people with like a cockatiel or whatever. Yeah. Like put some bird seed in their tongue. Yeah. And those are special people. Or a toucan and it just in their tongue Yeah And those are special people Or a toucan and it just

Scissors their tongue right off You see those people but you don't aspire to be those people Oh no A pelican you could stick your whole head right in there Warble warble warble I used to have a job where I I lost my glasses in that pelican I walked around SeaWorld and I cut my hand in a Pelican.

I could control. Take it easy. I didn't come here to get mocked. Here's your final overheard. Hi, Dave and Graham and possible guests. This is Camille from Texas calling in with an overheard. I was just at Ikea and when I was checking out, the cashier noticed that my shirt had a skeleton on it. And he said, have you heard the new theory about Jack Skellington?

I said, no. And he said, well, you know how Jack Skellington is always trying to make people happy in The Nightmare Before Christmas? It's because in his real life, he wasn't making people happy. It's because he was Jack the Ripper. I think that's it. Jack Skellington is the ghost of Jack the Ripper? And that he's doomed to steal

Christmas forever? Because Jack the Ripper hated Christmas. Yeah, he hated Christmas. He never murdered anybody on Christmas. Did she say she had a Jack Skellington shirt on or just a skeleton? Okay, that's assault. Yeah, exactly. Because there are, I've been to Hot Topic, there are plenty of Jack Skellington t-shirts.

Oh, yeah. And like, what I'm picturing when she says a skeleton t-shirt is one of those that it looks like your skeleton on the shirt. Or like a tuxedo, but a skeleton t-shirt is one of those that it looks like your skeleton on the shirt. Or like a tuxedo, but a skeleton. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But yeah, that's a leap on that cashier. Well, maybe that cashier's just had that nugget and it's. Call back and tell us what kind of skeleton shirt you had.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe that cashier was more Jack the Ripper than anything else. That's what I'm more worried about. He probably is a bird. And they figured out who it was Jack the Ripper? Sort of though? There are more theories than ever

But also, I don't think he was that prolific a killer I think we got some better killers Well, but it's because he wore a hat Yeah, because it was so foggy Yeah, yeah, yeah There's a lore Was he the first? Was he the big famous first one? I don't know.

What about Vlad? The old impale dog. Vlad the impale dog. Vlad the impale dog. Looking good, buddy. Good to see you, man. Looking gaunt. How many a day you up to these days?

What do you do? What do you eat these days? Yeah, this guy buys steaks and pork. Steaks? I get it. The impale dog. Oh, boy. Well, that brings us to the end of this here episode.

You're free to return end of this here episode. You're free to return to your wife. Yep. Thank you. She'll have me. Yeah, show off your fidget spinning abilities. We'll have the stormtroopers release her. Do you have anything coming up in the month of June that you would like to plug? I don't think so.

A honeymoon. A honeymoon. Come check it out. Where dat? Yeah. Hawaii. Oh, cool A honeymoon. Come check it out. Where that? Yeah. Hawaii. Oh, cool. Don't say what I like.

Yeah. But people can find you online, your many different podcast projects. Yeah. I didn't name all of them off the top. Well, that's really just Pistol Shrimps Radio is the other one where the aforementioned Mark McConville and I call play-by-play on women's rec league basketball but we don't know what we're doing thank you you must be you must know more than when you started we talk about that a bit like I'm learning and then the podcast is suffering because

we do a show called our debut album where we write songs in an hour and we assume we'd be really bad at it but it turns out we're great and it's not as entertaining. I believe it. I love that idea. I saw that when it came out and I was just like that is a brilliant idea.

Well, thank you so much for being here. Thank you. Yeah. I had a great time and I was very happy to be here. Awesome.

And you out there, if you like the podcast, you should head over to MaximumFun.org. Check out the blog recap, pictures and videos relating to the content of this podcast. Big Mac sauce. Yeah, Billy Joel's Nor'easter surprise. John the Nor'easter.

Nor'easter surprise. You know, Jack Skellington. Yeah. And I should say in June, June 24th, will be the next quiz show at the Fox Cabaret. You were on the last one. It was so fun. It was fun. So fun.

Yeah. I said so fun. So fun. It was so fun. And I will also be at the Toronto Fringe starting in July. And yeah, thanks everybody for listening. If you like the show, please tell your friends

and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.