Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 492 - D.J. Demers

Episode Date: August 21, 2017

Comedian and John Mayer fan D.J. Demers returns to talk organs, celebrity sightings, and aliens vs. dinosaurs.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 492 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who I just learned cannot dunk a basketball, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, I know, it's shocking. I assumed. I assumed all these years.

I feel like I should. Yeah. I feel like you could. I can't, I certainly can't palm it. No. With these little doll hands I have. What you need to do is do one of those between the legs and then hold it between your knees while you're going up to the hoop and then retrieve it. Sure.

And then slam it. What is... Because they keep having the slam dunk contest. Oh, yeah. There's nothing new under the sun. Although a couple of couple years ago there was the the mascot standing on a hoverboard so that was like it was like holding the ball and the guy jumped up grabbed it yeah still but like well recently a guy jumped over a car but that's just

you're still it's still just jumping i want to see someone tunnel. Yeah. Or, yeah, tunnel and then jump out of the tunnel and then... Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would like that, too. And our guest today, he's got some strong opinions about the Slam Dunk competition. He has his own podcast that's just brand new. 20 episode deep. Called Definitely DJ.

You got it. It's a hilarious comedian, DJ Demers. Thank you very much. Thanks for having me again, guys. Hi. Hi. Should we get to know us? Yeah.

Get to know us. So you got opinions about the Slam Dunk competition? You're a baller. I am a baller. That's a self-described baller for sure. You can't dunk. No, I can't dunk. When you play ball, you play three on three,

five on five. Indoor, outdoor. I play twice a week and a bunch of comedians get together in LA and it's usually like four on four. The amount of people

we get is best for four on four. Okay. Full court. What time of day are we talking here? Is this early morning? Oh my God, noon.

We meet at noon. What? And it's so hot. It's crazy hot. Is it indoor or outdoor? Outdoor. Outdoor at noon? Just in so hot it's crazy is it indoor or outdoor outdoor oh outdoor yeah just in the hot la sun man it's crazy everyone's just like yeah this is normal i'm like can we push this to like three yeah to like seven i don't think it gets cooler at three no but you know there's no there's no shade in the noonday sun you you know? Right above you. Fine, fine. Yeah.

Do you have gear? Do you have a basketball outfit that you wear? I wear the same outfit every time. I wear it maybe three times in a row, and then it's too sweaty, and then I'll wash it. Oh, really? Yeah. But I know I'm going to sweat immediately anyway. I just don't see the point in washing it every time. That's true.

I'm not trying to impress anybody. And if you're guarding me, that might be even a bit of a deterrent, right? There you go. I hate when people take their shirts off. The older I get, the more it bothers me. I like it when women do it. Oh, this is one of those podcasts. We're the nasty boys of podcasts.

Yeah, that always seemed like it was like shirts versus skins was it felt like let's get some pennies out here guys distinct advantage for team skins when you do that yeah yeah i didn't try to guard them in the post your arm just rubbing up and down also just like erotic yeah and if it's somebody it's either somebody that you don't know at all or somebody that you know just well enough that you're like i don't want to be i'm rubbing jiff what um uh i feel like i would maybe our generation was the last to have shirts and skins you know uh done by a an adult like a i feel like adults like if you're if you're playing with other adults you can go shirts and skins but i'm being told by

an adult but coach will not make you take your shirt off anymore it's like but we have jerseys right over here we're doing shirts and skins yeah yeah well we're doing all skins but some of you will have numbers on you and some of you won't i'm gonna draw numbers on your back real slow we got one of these sexy sports illustratedrated swimsuit edition body painters. I think they're getting rid of the swimsuit. Like, not the edition. I think they're just going, like, full nude. I read some headline.

I didn't read the whole article, of course. But I think, like, Sports Illustrated is just leaning all the way into it. Why not? Just going full painted body issue now. Right. I might be wrong on that, but I think they're... But at that point why are we what is the paint symbolizing like is it is it just the final step before it because playboy

about a year ago i think said no more nude sad but then i think they i think they come back and been like we were wrong i think that was a dumb idea because i think culturally you see the ebbs and flows of erotica tell me tell me more about the ebbs and flows of erotica well i think pornography now is getting so crazy and rough and whatever types of terms you want to use what do you like i think i can't tell you let's just say uh i'm on incognito all the time um what's that oh the mode yeah the mode i thought it was a website I can't tell you. Let's just say I'm on incognito all the time. What's that? Oh, the mode. Yeah, the mode. I thought it was a website.

Even when I'm just... But I feel like we're going to swing back to wanting a bit more tasteful. Like, I feel like Playboy, just looking at beautiful nude women, I think that would have come back around. Oh, like you think we're going to go more for, like, oh, a revealing uh a little bit is gonna be like titillating i think it would be good for society on the whole well society's well you know we're in the end times anyway so it's everything should you know a lion and a tiger

having sex it's all it's all fine can i find that absolutely? Yeah, absolutely. Go to incognito.com. Well, it's actually just two humans in body paint. It's the direction that Sports Illustrated and Swimsuit and Shoots got. We want to keep it tasteful using body paint, but there'll be penetration. I think the body paint classes it up. I don't think it's...

Well, no, I don't think it's classy or not classy. It's just like what is the what is the conceit? Is that like Yeah, they've had it in the body. They've had it in the swimsuit issue for a long time. You cannot go swimming with body paint. Like, say what you will about these weird You know that for a fact?

I don't. About these weird bikinis that, you know, are unwearable. You can't really swim in them, but at least they are swimwear. You know, I was reading a thing because it's like the past two weeks, it was the anniversary of the invention of the bikini. And the first time that they displayed it at a fashion show, they could not find a woman anywhere that would wear it. So they had to go to like an all nude review and like pay a nude dancer to wear it because it was considered so scandalous. Wow. When was this?

Like when did the bikini come about? Don't look at me. Dave, when did the bikini come about? You're the one who read the thing. I think it was in the, like, uh,

you're the one who read 10% of an article. If I'm guessing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was more pictures than anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What did the bikini look like back then? Real pointy. It was, I know it was post-World War II.

Really? Oh, really? Yeah. Because I feel like Betty and Veronica were among the first. Oh, yeah, sure. They must have been. People were fine with seeing cartoons. Casper the Friendly Ghost wore one for a while. I. Oh, yeah. They must have been. People were fine with seeing cartoons. Casper the Friendly Ghost wore one for a while.

Yeah. I think it probably didn't take long until regular models were like, oh, well, okay. Yeah. I don't, yeah. I mean, it was a dude who invented it. Yes, of course.

Yeah. We just high-fived. What about the burkini? You've heard of the burkini? I want that banned. I just want to say, I don't, I'm not entirely sure what it is, but I support its banning. Dave's always very quick to ban things that he's not 100%. He was one of the first people to ban the original

bikini. When it first came out, you were like, ban it. His grandfather banned dunking in basketball. Was dunking ever banned in basketball? I believe it was, yeah. If I'm, I might be, every opinion I say or seeming fact I must say is probably not true.

Okay, don't worry. We haven't released last week's episode yet, but for about 10 minutes, we couldn't figure out what a tater tot was. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. We were calling them hush puppies. Just like a little potato, like a tater tot, right? Like a little cylinder potato.

Yeah, yeah. I'm pretty sure Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, when he was still Lou Alcindor in college, when he played for ucla i think they banned dunking because he was so much better at it than everybody but it might have been will chamberlain it might have been before kareem but i remember one particular college star who became an nba star was so far ahead of the game with dunking that i think they banned it i'm surprised that because there are people who are so good at dunking,

that that isn't what they try to do every time they get their hands on the wall. Because it's so flashy and so much fun probably to do. But I think it's hard because everyone else is very good at basketball. Yeah, they're all trying to stop you from dunking. But like, it just looks so much fun. Oh my God god I have a six year old nephew and I play basketball

with him when I go back home and visit him and he puts a net down to like eight feet and I just dunk all over him I can't help myself

I'm like I know I should be my goal should be helping you learn to be a better basketball player but I feel like this is how you're

going to learn with my balls in your face all the best lessons are taught with your uncle flying over you how you're going to learn. With my balls in your face. In this place, yeah. All the best lessons are taught with your uncle flying over you. Right? Just destroying his confidence. You know,

let's bring over that girl you have a crush on. Let me get your phone. I'm going to want to see this. Can I pull up the Air Jordan logo? This is what I was trying for. So you had some, my opinion on the basketball NBA slam dunk competition is that it's too repetitive. It's too, there's nothing new.

Prove me wrong. You seem to want to do that. You know, I think it went through a period like the dark days of the dunk competition like 10 years ago where nate robinson was dunking i think he had like 20 tries before he finally completed his dunk it was totally anticlimactic and it was boring to watch but they've since instituted rules that make it more interesting um so now i think um my memory is horrible but i think it's timed now i think My memory's horrible But I think it's timed now

I think every round It is timed Which is like the home run derby in baseball Has changed everything Because now you actually have to pace You have to think of how much stamina you have You have to make sure like I'm going to make this dunk

Or else my turn's done Whereas before you could just go unlimited So I think that has helped it Also there's great young dunkers right now Like Aaron Gordon, Zach Levine So there's great young dunkers right now like aaron gordon zach levine so there's got there's a guy i forget his name but i want to be on a team called the young dunkers it doesn't have to be basketball either it can be any sport i just want to be called yeah with a kangaroo as our mascot with the young dunkers oh man but there's a guy i forget

his name he's like a as in dunkaroo yeah yeah thank you there's a guy I forget his name but he's he's like the best dunker in the world right now he doesn't play in the NBA

he's some like skinny white guy he's got dyed green like dreadlocks right now in the last video I saw oh wow

I'll show you his video after this guy is incredible man but why would the best dunker in the world not be playing in the NBA?

Because he probably has a horrible jump shot. NBA, there's guys who can barely dunk who are still well-rounded players. Like Isaiah Thomas. I wouldn't have a team. Anybody who wouldn't dunk, they'd be off my team. That would be 100% the young dunkers. I respect that. This guy with the green dreadlocks.

Yeah. Tell me more about that. Doesn't that get in the way of slam dunking you should see the dunks so blake griffin like six or seven years ago dunked over a car but he dunked over like the hood of a kia he got a big kia sponsorship out of it but this guy dunked over the top of a car like the top and he dunked over three guys who were by the By the way, I love when guys in dunk competitions stand. Like, you know when

they get their friend to stand for them and they dunk over them. Yeah. I don't know why you would ever volunteer to be like,

okay, listen, you stand here. I'm going to dunk over you. I hope this goes well. Otherwise, I'm going to knee you in the

back of the head. Yeah. Are you cool with that? I've been practicing on a mannequin. Well, several mannequins.

I've gone through many man i keep smashing their heads clean up i'm getting pretty good like my ratio of unbroken mannequins um also the person standing there i feel like has to bring something to the table some pizzazz yeah it has to be a name or a mascot or some somebody who's got some flair yeah there was a guy aaron gordon a couple years ago he had a teammate stand on uh those hoverboards that are out now and just spin in a complete circle holding the ball yeah yeah and then came back around with the ball and then gordon grabbed it and dunked what about jumping over a guy um doing a snapchat making a snapchat of the whole thing that's the new generation wants

you're creating content and you're doing dunks everybody wins when I was a kid the big ones were Dee Brown who pumped up his his Reebok pumps okay but like made a big show of it yeah yeah every time

he went to do a dunk he stopped pumped it up and then did a dunk. And his big dunk was one where he covered his eyes with his arm. And then the next year, I think, it was Cedric Sabalos who literally had a blindfold on and counted his steps back to like, because he was running from half court. So he did a little thing where he counted his steps. It was all theater. Yeah. And then he put on a blindfold and but you're not running in the same it was he could totally see through the blind well you would hope so otherwise you just feel like watching a man

knocking out all his front teeth on the rim of a basketball yeah you know theater most people don't get their mouth above above the basketball but you know what? The guy who does Guys are dunking so high now That their faces are level With the Really? Yeah A couple years ago

Russell Westbrook Like the greatest dunker in the league right now Smashed his head off the backboard When he was dunking That's how high these guys get Wow Yeah So

But like this guy This dreadlocked gentleman The only guy I remember I can't remember his name he's so good but is to around the country as as a dunking specialist or is he just okay does he just do vines he was just on tnt i think he was on some show and they had a dunk competition that was there were a bunch of other dunkers but it was ostensibly a showcase for this guy right uh because he won and i think he won it doesn think he won. It doesn't even matter because the five-minute video that I saw on Facebook was just his highlight.

It was him. But it was like Shaq and Charles Barkley and I think Kenny Smith all just going, like after every dunk. Well, that's the other part of the dunk is having people on a bench freaking out and filming with two different camera phones. Yeah. Is it Kenny Dobbs? I don't think so.

Jordan Kilgannon? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it. Jordan Kilgannon? phones. Yeah. Is it Kenny Dobbs? I don't think so. Jordan Kilgannon? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it. Jordan Kilgannon? Yeah. Okay. Gotta come up with a catchier name. Dunkaroo.

Dunkaroo, I think, is a pretty good... The Young Dunker. Dunkaroo the Young Dunker. I'm always pretty upset with artists or anybody when they put young in their name, because I'm like, you're not always going to be young. This is short-sighted thinking right now. Yeah, it's like the New Kids on the Block. Or the Backstreet Boys.

When they did their tour together, the New Kids on the Block and the Backstreet Boys, and it was called N-K-O-T-B-S-B. That's right. Isn't that hilarious that that's saying the New Kids on the Backstreet Boys? Like if you say the whole... Well, they did come out on their shoulders.

When you Google this guy's name, Jordan Kilgannon, the first headline that comes up is just this. Did he just dunk in jeans? Wow. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dunking in jeans. Dunking in jeans.

That's crazy. I mean, wow. He did a dunk. That would be like I would always dunk in jeans because then I'd be like, sorry, I couldn't dunk. I was wearing jeans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be like i would always dunk in jeans because then i'd be like oh sorry i couldn't dunk i was wearing jeans yeah yeah yeah it'd be a good excuse yeah self-handicapping right so you have an excuse i remember a prof telling me about that in a psychology class i took a sports psychology class and he was talking about the idea of self-handicapping where like

for example you get like really drunk before an exam or something and then if you do well you can be like wow i did that well even though i was so drunk and then if you don't do well you say well the reason i didn't do well is because i was so drunk so you give yourself that mental out no matter what happened you also get the bonus of getting to be drunk exactly so much fun but i remember he was telling us that as if it was like a character flaw or something. And I remember being like, huh, that's a good idea. Yeah. Self-sabotage, eh? And then I became a comedian. And it all worked out well.

But in your defense, you're a comedian in jeans. That's right. No, that said didn't go well. Damn jeans. Whenever I wear like a nice suit and have a bad set, I'm like, I have nothing. I'm just a bad comedian. Now, have you done comedy in a suit? Yeah, man. I just did Conan a few weeks ago.

I wore a blazer and a nice shirt. Okay. But that's not a suit though, right? I have done comedy in a full suit. Like a full suit with a tie? So you just did Conan. Did it already air? Yeah, it aired a few weeks ago.

That's great. July 13th, almost a month ago. But you don't sound happy with it because of the monkey suit. Yeah, because of the suit situation. I'm pretty self-critical. So I will say before I go into being critical here, it's okay. It's a good set. I'm okay with it.

Okay. But it took me a few days to become okay with it. I was pretty unhappy with it. Because I liked my first conan set and i went into it being like wanting to do even better right and i feel like because i'm obviously not going to put the blame on myself here right yeah yeah i feel like wearing the blazer messed me up really i feel like i was stiff i forgot to have fun i definitely feel that way when i wear a blazer if i haven't worn one in a while i'm like everyone knows i'm a phony yeah and i'm like i can't be wacky i'm in the middle of a business meeting comedy stuff i just mean like just in life walking around yeah i'm gonna get thrown

out of this cocktail party i've always been a big believer in uh that you would you know practice in the general kind of attire that you're gonna do the whatever showcase or competition in yeah because you do move differently when you're wearing a suit like you're always kind of you can't move yeah you're restricted and if you're not used to it you're kind of always futzing around with little uh you know elements of it like i feel like i always end up playing with the button yeah and that looks like this guy doesn't wear a suit he can't stop playing with the button over there yeah even my shoes i was wearing nice shoes and as i walked out on stage i could hear the clickety clack you know oh fancy man coming out to do his jokes

yeah like uh that's uh kind of why i stopped wearing a suit on stage was i felt like i couldn't sell the type of jokes that i was writing yeah like stuff about you used to wear a suit like it was your thing you did it regularly yeah pretty much all the time i would wear a suit like they were picture you as like the gram i know like a kind of plaid laid back. Yeah, yeah. And it's like I still had... The suits were sleeveless. But, you know, if you dress a certain way and then you're like, oh, I took the bus here, they go, no, that's... One of these things is a lie.

Either the bus thing's a lie or this whole suit you're wearing is a lie. Exactly. Or the whole thing's true and i hate you like i have a joke i do that i did on conan about how like uh the ban on gay men donating blood about how it uh you can donate blood if you're gay you just can't have sex for a year right and the whole punch line is you know i have no problem getting a blood transfusion like you know not having sex for a whole year like that's ridiculous i have no problem getting a blood transfusion like you know not having sex for a whole year like that's ridiculous I have no problem getting a blood transfusion from a gay

man but I'll be damned if I have loser blood of course and that's a joke but I feel like you put you put a suit on and say that joke you seem a lot more like a douchey asshole than if you're just a dude and like a casual plaid shirt loser being like loser blood, the suit, you're like loser blood. You are a loser. Right. Everyone in this audience has loser blood. Maya. Yeah,

exactly. Um, uh, yeah. Like, so will you, is this, will you never wear a suit on stage again?

Go, are you going on record? Yeah. Um, I think so. Yeah. I don't know. Do you know, you know like i just your agent's calling you just got a gig at for men's warehouse a corporate well it's funny like i like john

mulaney guys like that they wear a suit they make it work i was like maybe i am a suit guy yeah i feel like i'm i'm not a suit guy so i i don't know never say never but i feel like i'm not gonna wear a suit for a while anywhere else in your I'm not a suit guy So I don't know Never say never But I feel like I'm not gonna wear a suit For a while Anywhere else in your life Are you a suit guy? Well that's the thing I went to

One of my best friend's weddings Like two weeks before I did Conan And I had the suit on I was in the wedding party And I gave my best man speech And I felt fucking great I was like

You know what? I am a suit guy Yeah yeah But I think Because everyone else Was in their fancy attire Sure Yeah Well you're getting Are you getting some gray hair? Oh getting you know what? I am a suit guy. Yeah, yeah. But I think because everyone else was in their fancy attire. Sure. Yeah.

Well, are you getting some gray hair? Oh, getting. I got a lot of gray hair. Well, I think then you're fine. Yeah, that's true. It helps. It helps with the... Part of it is feeling like,

I'm just a little kid in a suit. I'm all... Yeah, I'm wearing my dad's suit. Oh, yeah. I definitely feel manly enough to wear a suit. I feel old enough to wear a suit. I feel like an old man. I'm 31, but I feel, oh, I feel it.

It's another thing with basketball, man. I keep injuring myself every time. I'm like, do I have to stop playing basketball? No, you got to stretch. I know. Stretch your hands out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And your mouth at the same time.

And your mouth at the same time. And also get one of those little cow things that you flip over. Like here in Vancouver is very, unless you're in a very specific area downtown, it's very rare to just see somebody wearing a suit. Well, you got Ivan Decker rocking a suit all the time. Sometimes. Yeah, he doesn't wear like, you know, for your practice sets and stuff, he's just wearing just a shirt and jeans. Mm.

A shirt and cut-off shorts. Mm-hmm. But because you were living in Toronto, there's lots of people just walk around in suits. True. It's not weird. But I don't want to be those people either. Like, I went to school for business, and I was like, I don't want to do that, wearing the suit, playing that part. So I went into comedy.

So that's another part of my brain. I'm like, I left that world where I have to wear a suit to play the part. Why the hell am I wearing a suit to play the part? Right. I don't have to do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then there's another part of me that respects that kind of old-timey Dean Martin, when men were men, you know?

My favorite comedian. I always wonder though if somebody like Dean Martin was coming up now, would he wear a suit or would he just be like... Yeah.

Do you think? Well, like Michael Bublé is wearing suits. I was going to say, why are we talking about Michael Bublé? We were talking about Dean Martin and I'm like, well, yeah, I about Michael Bublé we were talking about Dean Martin

and I'm like well yeah I guess Michael Bublé is essentially Dean Martin but like when you're doing that kind of thing even though you know Michael Bublé's been wearing a suit since he was 16 doing this kind of thing but then back then it was like get a load of this 16 year old wearing a suit that was the show

and he sings it was like a freak show the bearded lady the 16 year old in a suit oh man but i always would like i remember like being a kid and listening to an elvis presley record and being like if he was coming up now if he was just born decades later and there was no elvis presley what would he would he be a country singer or would he he wouldn't become like i know this is blasphemous to older people um elvis sucks justin bieber okay you think he i don't think elvis sucks i love elvis i think bieber is elvis i mean in terms of pop culture impact, in terms of

record sales, everything. And I know there's different types of music, but it's because it's like, yeah, it's like 60 years apart, but I think Bieber is Elvis. I'd say that's like a fair comparison, because like, you know. He's going through all these personal struggles now.

Bieber's canceling his tour and everything. Elvis definitely went through a bunch of horrible shit that we just don't know. Bieber got drafted into the military. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was he a communications officer? Was he? No. No.

Elvis was, though. Yeah. Oh, Elvis. But Elvis did actually get drafted, right? Yeah. Did he serve? Yeah. Wow.

That's where he met Priscilla. Didn't he get to keep his cool hairdo like everybody else had to shave their head but he got to keep his cool pompadour where did he meet her? Germany oh really? I don't get why

I don't know if it's just the states or if other countries do it but the states just has bases in other countries. Oh yeah. Yeah. I think he was on a base in Germany. Yeah. But like he would have been a guy that would have required several more

people to be drafted to protect Elvis Presley. Yeah. You know, like I, that's how I felt when, um, was Prince Harry joined the military. Like there were probably like seven or eight guys that just had to follow him around.

He's not leading a normal military existence. Well, Prince Charles was in the military. Did Prince Charles fight in the Falklands or something? Yeah, he did. Yeah, like a long time ago. So I guess it's not like they need to quickly find an entourage. They know their whole lives they're going to be going in yeah but only william didn't do it right he did oh did he

bill did it oh good for him good for all of them really yeah and george is gonna do it too oh yeah wait i like i like my celebrities battle tested you know know? Yeah, that's true. There's not a, like modern celebrities. There's not a ton that have like done a tour. Bunch of questions. Scene action. Cause there's a bunch like from the previous generation, a lot of that you wouldn't think like Drew Carey. He was like,

Drew Carey was in the army. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think he got that. He got that. Okay. But yeah,

he's, uh, and like, I don't know, like a lot of people, like that was part of the culture. Yeah, like so many sports records you look at, you know, like Ted Williams, for example. It's like he had this many career hits, and that's including the four years he left in the prime of his life to go serve. He won the batting title, except for the years it was won by Dottie from the Rockford Peaches. And those were the only years that crying wasn't allowed in baseball. It was allowed back in after. Another reason I believe in the Bieber-Elvis comparison is they're both amazingly talented musically, but they both have people writing all their stuff for them.

Like Elvis didn't write his own stuff. Bieber's not writing his own stuff. Doesn't take away. I don't, I used to believe like, unless you write your own stuff, you're not like fully, I didn't respect you as much as a musician.

I don't really hold that opinion anymore because I don't know, you get older and you realize the way the world works, I guess. Put on a suit, you really do. Think about it. I mean, I still really love it when I do find out that a musician I like does write all their own stuff. Now, what musician do you like the most?

Listen, if you're trying to goad me into talking about John Mayer here, I'll get into it. I just can't. No, I can't remember who. I just can't. No, I can't remember. Who do you like? Listen, I want to say I like a lot more of those cliche artists that you're supposed to like to prove that you're a well-rounded human being. You know, I'm listening to Radiohead. I'm throwing on my morning jacket.

I listen to bands that make you a cooler person. Okay. However, I'm not afraid to embrace the populist side of my personality either. Sure. I feel this makes me a more well-rounded person. I'd love to see a John Mayer Radiohead collab. You know what I mean? I feel like these worlds are too separate.

We've got to bring them together. People are clamoring for it. What's your favorite John Mayer collab? John Mayer collab. Has he done collabs? Oh, yeah. I love when he brings on the ladies in his life. He had Katy Perry on a song while he was dating her.

He had Taylor Swift on a song while they were supposedly... Jennifer Aniston. Yeah. That's Jessica Simpson. I believe that song was called Sexual Napalm. Oh, right. Now, I'm making that up. But she...

That's what he... Is that what he said about? Yeah. You know what's funny is I was watching some John Mayer stuff in preparation for this podcast. Like, what does that mean? Videos? Because I didn't do any prep. Well, we just touched feet.

I was just, because I'm a staunch John Mayer defender, and a lot of people think he's a douchebag and whatnot. So I was going back and watching old John Mayer videos, and he had a period of his career where he had the john mayer trio and it was him and two other like classically trained kind of like jazz blues guys um and so that was like around 2006 i think so i was watching an old john mayer concert with them and i'm like let's see if i'm apologizing like apologizing for a guy that I actually should. Maybe he is as douchey as everybody. Right, like he kicks a baby off stage, like crawled on stage. So I will show you this video after, but the first 10 minutes of it.

I can't wait, we're going to watch the dunking dreadlock, dreadlock dunk, dunk steam. It's him talking about why he's like so enthralled with the blues and how he feels it's like within him and everything and he's got the two guys in the john mayer trio sitting beside him and he's talking at length for 10 minutes about how important it is to him while they're just sitting there silently like nodding their head just being like this is a paycheck this is a paycheck and i was and he's so pretentious and douchey the whole time that i'm like ah but he's also like 26 or 27 there you you see interviews now he calls himself a recovering ego addict he understands that he was really douchey at that time he had the world by the balls um so he was waiting for the world to change if i recall correct that's correct uh but

he uh i feel like he fully dove into the asshole that he was at that time but i feel like he's self-aware enough that he knows he was and for that reason i forgive him and love him as much as ever that was a really that was like uh like an essay in high school. Defend John Mayer. And that was really good. It was well-rounded, brought back the points at the beginning, had a nice summary. I was reading from a script. Counterpoint. No, I don't care.

I think that's what it is. I think most people just write them off in in 10 seconds like oh who cares but what but so it like you you can't you'll never convince anyone otherwise it's true although i do love the blues yeah famous bluesman what else is great is he doesn't really try he's got some blues influences and stuff but his most recent album he went back to the pop well he was like people like when i write pop songs and he speaks openly about how he knows how to write a pop song you know you write he spoke openly about that yeah that's brave it is though because so many people pop music is a dirty word to them i watched a speech he was giving at berkeley his alma mater can you imagine music you're graduating and then they're like oh who do you think it's gonna be oh my god we should all be

so lucky anyway he talked about how pop music is a dirty word but pop is short for popular and we shouldn't we shouldn't run away from that he's like if you want to write music that nobody's going to listen to but that satisfies your artistic you know creativity that element do that yeah if you're going to try to write pop music be honest with yourself and ask yourself how do i write a song that many people will want to listen to and he doesn't run away from that it's like writing a joke you're like i can write a joke that satisfies me and might be a bit esoteric and go down these weird paths. Or do I want to write this simple joke that's going to make a bunch of people laugh?

Simple joke every time. But isn't it more, it's less his music that I think people hate is that the way that he calls a girl sexual napalm. Stuff like that, I think is what. 100%. But I will say, to defend him again... That Jessica Simpson is totally sexual napalm.

Or is that the very least sexual mustard gas? He was trying to be open about his life. It was disrespectful to the women he had been with, but he was like, instead of being a closed-off pop star, I'm going to tell people how crazy it is to be john mayer right now yeah said it the words came out of his mouth he read that read the interview after and was like oh shit i seem like a big asshole i think it was a genuine mistake i don't know i like i'm not defending that he did that but i can see and he said he was hanging out

with a lot of comedians at that time. He was getting up on stage. You know when you hang out with comedians a lot and then you hang out with a regular person and you say something that you thought was pretty innocuous and then they give you that look? You're like, oh, people don't say these things openly. Yeah, actually, I did have that not that long ago where I said something and I was like, oops. This is the wrong crowd for that.

Yeah. But you know, you're laughing with somebody and you're like, I'm going crowd for that. Yeah. But you know, like you're laughing with somebody and you're like, I'm going to go that extra step. Yeah, one step further. And you read words in print that you've said out loud and they just seem so much more like nefarious. Yeah. You're laughing, you say, I'm like, ha ha.

And then you see it on paper. It's like, she was sexual napalm. You're like, oh. But I also don't understand what sexual napalm means. Because napalm sticks to stuff and then burns it. Yeah, yeah. It's for defoliating, isn't it? Yeah, like it's an exfoliant.

The most effective exfoliant in the modern world. I don't know what it means, but he was trying to be inflammatory, I would say. Oh, yeah. He was trying it on. Sure. Yeah. Because I know you can make your own napalm out of orange juice concentrate and gasoline. Really?

Yeah. Really? Yeah. I was way too interested in that. Yeah, yeah. Really? I have both of those things in my living room. Incognito time.

Can a regular web browser get on the dark web? No, I think... How do you get to the dark web? I'm very curious. Well, look, we all three of us are unsure about this. Okay, well, on normal website, HTTP colon slash slash. It's just one extra slash for the dark side.

A lot of people do it by accident. Somebody told me that there's... Remember when you had to actually type HTTP? Oh, yeah. There's like a thing that's called a tour something and it's we're done with john by the way thanks but you like it basically that that's the thing that can reroute you to the dark web is you need this well you can only buy it from the dark web and it's like how do you get enough experience on the dark web to be hired by the dark web? Yeah.

So, but, you know, I'd like to. There's a couple things, not like illegal things, but things I'd rather buy on the dark web. Oh, sure. Sunglasses in bulk. Toilet paper. Stuff that if I could. You can buy organs there. Oh, yeah?

Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really?

Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? there. Oh, yeah? Really? More of a... Some good heart music right there. What organ... What's your favorite organ? What organ would you buy? I don't fully know what any of them do other than the heart, so I got to go with the heart.

You don't know what the lungs do? The lungs are good, too. Or the bladder. I don't know what the lungs do? The lungs are good too. Or the bladder. I don't fully know what the bladder does. It's a pee bag. Is it purifying the pee though? Doesn't a kidney have a... The kidney is the purifier.

Bladder is kind of the final step before... And you know what? When you feel like you've gotta pee so so, so bad, that's your bladder being 30% full. No. So you could fight through it mentally, or is 30% the capacity? Well, 30% is where the bladder is naturally going to cut off

and be like, you've got to empty this out. Oh, is that why they say you only use 30% of your brain? Because your brain is telling you that you're 100% full when you're only 30% full? That's another organ I like, actually. The brain. I always forget the brains in organ. Did you know that the largest organ on the human body is the skin?

The skin. I would just go buy some skin on the internet. I love the dark world, too. Like a full skin suit? Where you could... No, just flakes. Just a jar of flakes. Just to season my bagels

we have sesame seed we have poppy seed we got skin flakes yeah what else can you buy I guess you can buy anything on the dark web yeah

weapons yeah like is it a waste to buy something that's not illegal though is it a waste to just be like I not illegal though is it a waste to just be like i need a rice maker are you using money or like bitcoin are bitcoin done now are they still being used bitcoins aren't done oh boy no boy bitcoin is on fire it's uh because i heard about bitcoins all the time like five years back and then now i don't hear about them at all really

so like because they're too expensive to acquire now i think yeah like people who bought even just like bought like 10 bitcoins it just didn't touch them all now have thousands and thousands of dollars no yeah really wow because of things like the dark web because it's the uh it's untraceable and it's uh you can't use you know you can't use like funds from your bank account i was looking for uh an office to rent to like work at during the day and i went to an office where the guy was that's what he was he was a bitcoin guy yeah something anyways he his his promise to me was if you rent an office here you're going to learn a lot about bitcoin and that was specifically why i didn't take the offer yeah because because i was like this seems like a a unit of money that's specifically there so that you can buy horrible

things i remember walking past a coffee shop like uh a Waves, maybe, or equivalent. And they had this sign, like this sandwich board outside saying like, August 4th, Bitcoin ATM grand opening party. Whoa. Huh. ATM. What do you put into that ATM to get your Bitcoin? I guess your debit card. But isn't that traceable? And then it converts it to

Bitcoin. You can't put your baseball hat underneath and a bunch of Bitcoins come out. But like a Bitcoin is an actual... No. There's no physical. Because I've seen photos but I assume those were just like made up

for... I don't understand it at all it's a coin with a b on it right yeah yeah yeah like a bumblebee yeah yeah on both sides one wearing a crown and one not wearing a crown so you can flip it how are you like in terms of cash i've been thinking lately how much do i have on me and i borrow 20 uh if i just like wanted to buy a house, so if I just continually took money out of my bank because I just didn't want it in the bank anymore and I wanted to buy a house in a couple years

and I go to the real estate agent with just like a bag of $40,000 cash, is that suspicious or is that totally, that's all above board and they'd be like, cool, we'll take your bag of cash. They will definitely take your bag of cash. And it doesn't raise any red flags or anything. It probably does.

But unless the house is $40,000, you will need to get a bank involved. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'll do that going forward. I'm just saying, like, if I was untrustworthy of banks and I just wanted to pay everything full-on cash from now on yeah does that raise red flags to people who are involved in the transaction it should but i know during somebody was telling me during the olympics here uh a lot of russian businessmen came over and bought condos and houses in cash really and that was like but i don't think you can get a

mortgage that way no no like the full amount right yeah yeah okay like this this place costs five hundred thousand dollars here's five hundred thousand dollars in cash which should make you go like okay if i find blood on any of these bills i I'm sending it back. I'm calling the manager and he's going to hold it under a... He's going to hold all these bills under a blacklight. Also, yeah, like, would you have to bring... I guess you'd have to bring a counter or something. Well, because you're not allowed, or you are allowed, but you have to declare if you're bringing more than $10,000 into the country.

Right. Yeah. But if you have 100 friends coming with you and they all carry $10,000, no problem. Yeah, so. But yeah, cash is going away, right? I know. But do you fully trust banks? That's why I'm asking.

Oh, absolutely. 100%. I don you fully trust banks that's why i'm asking oh absolutely 100 i don't fully trust either of you guys yeah we're all a suspect no of course i mean when my bank calls me or when my bank offers me anything i'm like no i don't believe you yeah no it's you should get this account because of what you're doing in your accounts stop looking at what i'm doing how about that yeah i don't know what are you you thinking about stashing away a little little cash i don't know i've just been thinking it might be smart i know in my head i've always thought it would be stupid you keep it in the bank but now i'm like i think

it'd be smart to just have a rainy day fund under my mattress. But then the question is, do you keep a rainy day fund in cash or do you have to have it in a precious metal or something? Because if the economy tanks, that cash is also worthless. That's true. A precious metal would still have value? It would have some value over... Oh, it would always. Gold will always have value for whatever reason.

Yeah, for some reason. But you know what I mean? Like if you've got a bunch of cash, but the economy stinks, then that cash is also no good. True. I want to invest in the stock market. Oh, boy. Well, you came to the right place.

Yeah. I just think it would be so scary. I would love that stress every day, just seeing something drop $50 in a day. Like, oh, God, I'm ruined. And then the next day, I'm back, baby. What a rush. That sounds awful. Like, I don't have much money, so I would love to buy, like, two Google stocks.

You know what I mean? Because they're like 500 bucks a pop or something. And just watch them appreciate, I guess. I mean, Google's not going away. Just go make your homepage google.com. You're already doing good for business. Yeah. Refresh, refresh, refresh.

This has got to be going up in value. Or like SpaceX or something. I just feel like there's companies that are for sure only going to get more. Google's not going anywhere. Oh, yeah. But, you know, at some point in time, people would have said that about AOL. And where are they now? AOL never reached the foothold that Google has now.

Like, Google is my everything. Google is God. I really believe that in this day and age, Google is about as close to God as we can get. I used Google to get to your place today. Google is about as close to God as we can get. I used Google to get to your place today. Yeah. Google led me here.

That's true. Kind of like the wise men to the manger. Google will lead me home. Yeah. Google will take me to the comedy club tonight. Yeah.

I don't use my brain anymore. I have Google. Yeah, that's why you forgot you had one. The only organ i know about is the heart and google are all the things attached to your brain also organs are your eyes organs yeah your eyes are and your spine isn't no organ uh which i say is bullshit yeah yeah it deserves organ status well it's like the pluto of Yeah yeah The spine deserves organ status

Well it's like the Pluto of organs Yeah What constitutes an organ? It has to I don't know Is it the tech It has to do We know less about this than the stock market

I think Yeah I don't know I don't know what makes Like cause a nose But like a Like a fried up potato in a cylinder is a tater tot yes yeah by the way the nose is an organ for sure or i put money on that is the thing inside of your skull

the the olfactory bulbs or whatever that's just your brain isn't it yeah that's your nose and your brain working in concert i believe but i But I thought that the organ is the lungs and the nose and the mouth, because the mouth isn't an organ. But you can play a mouth organ. So that's weird. I think the mouth is an organ. No way. Yeah.

No. The tongue is an organ. Oh, the tongue is an organ. Yeah, that's right. The nose. The nose. Yeah. Is the body's primary organ of smell.

Oh, good. Nice work. What's the secondary organ of smell. Oh, good. Nice work. What's the secondary organ of smell? Your tongue, I think. Oh, yeah. Tongue and nose, they've always been partnered up. Side by side. When you start typing, is your nose an organ, it fills in, when you get to is your, is your thumb a finger?

Oh. Yes. Now type in do your. Is your thumb a finger? Oh. Yes. Now type in do your ears and see if what it tells you there. Hang low. Your thumb is a finger, right? Are your eyes bigger than your belly? Dave, what's going on with you, man? Oh, boy.

Let me tell you. A couple of days ago, my wife, Abby, who's also our own person, we celebrated our sixth wedding anniversary. Happy anniversary. Happy anniversary. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. What does six years feel like? Oh boy. Well, we were together for like 11 before that, so we're just catching up. So do you celebrate this as a sixth or as a 17th? As a sixth. Yeah, so I have a question about that. Doesn't that feel...

Yes, you there. Yeah, hey, I have a question about that. Doesn't that do a disservice to the 11 years that came before? Yeah, so we shouldn't have gotten married. That's what you're saying. That's what I was getting at. That's really what I was driving at there. I don't know that we need to service years.

It's just a day you pick to celebrate whatever. Right. So the day of, Abby and I were like, oh, happy anniversary. We totally forgot. Sure. And then I was like, oh, you know what we could do? We could get dinner reservations and drop the kids off at my parents. At the pool.

And then we'd go crap in various restaurants. Oh, yeah. Yeah, real nice. So we did. We went to a nice Seafood restaurant on the beach And we I ordered It was

Because our kids go to bed at Eight, then we had to Back time from when we needed to pick them up So we had dinner reservations At 5.30 Which was Still happy hour I was like, is the staff still bringing, still setting tables?

So they were like, there's a bunch of like deals on oysters right now. So I had a dozen oysters. Oh my God. I love oysters. Why? You don't like them? No, I like them. I don't know why I like them.

I just think they're so good. I don't know. I love how they feel I like them. I just think they're so good. I don't know. I love how they feel in my mouth. I love how they taste. Like I have to block out how they feel in my mouth. Really? And how they taste. You know the whole thing about...

But I like getting a tiny piece of sand every once in a while. And I do believe they're an aphrodisiac. I believe I've experienced the aphrodisiac effects of oysters. Here's a question for both of you. how many oysters are you supposed to eat six maybe until you explode no no no until you're having sex so right up until the act of you know you have places that have they call it a buck a shuck, where you just pay a dollar per oyster. Okay. And that, I don't know how, are you supposed to, I don't want a belly full of them. No.

No, because that, I mean, I don't want any part of me full of them. Your belly. You don't like them? You're allergic. No, I'm allergic. I'm allergic to all your seafoods. Oh, all seafood. Oh, man, that sucks.

It's okay. I'm going to describe a bunch of seafood to Graham. Yeah, yeah, yeah man, that sucks. It's okay, I'm going to describe a bunch of seafood to Graham. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As we go through

this meal. Would that make you nauseous, just the idea of thinking of seafood or you actually have to be in contact? Like,

have you had a horrible like anaphylactic reaction? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh man. Oh,

by the way, there's a bunch of oysters in this souffle. Yeah, the last second. Oh, why is the souffle

so slippery? Have you had smoked oysters? I don't think so. I don't think so. I haven't. And I just, I imagine that they're like,

I don't know. Everything about them grosses me out. But I like them. I like that you can just pour some Tabasco on them. Oh, yeah. I love sucking them off

and then they rip off. Phrasing DJ. I honestly wasn't even trying to sound like that sounded very sexual, but I do love that experience of... Oh, no, I got to cut them off before. Oh, you cut them off? Oh, no, I like that. You know, the...

So what you're talking about, they come out and they're in some sort of shell? They're in the shell. They're on the half shell okay turtle power yep and you you know you he's picking them up and like tilting his head back and i'm right i'm just using a little fork yeah it's like i think i've like seen a person eat an oyster once and i was like this seems like a very flintstones yes way of eating something that you're using a shell. And kind of like tilting your head back. I like that. The full experience.

It's tactile. You're smelling. Your nose is all up in there. You got your tongue on it. You know? I mean, I like the full experience. I haven't had oysters in a while. And I think I'm going to have them now that you mention them.

I'm going to get some here in Vancouver. Yeah, yeah. You're close to the water. Yeah. Yeah. They come from water, right? And then for dinner, for the main course, I ordered swordfish because it was like the special and I've never had it before. Not a fan.

It doesn't. Have you had it? I don't think so. The things I like about fish are that they like flake off. Like, you know, it's in little buttery flakes that you just pull off the skin. But swordfish is like a thick, it's like a pork chop that tastes like tuna. Really? Yeah.

It's like a little bit hard. Yeah. It's a. But it's, it's, it sounds like it would be good. I mean, all fish sounds like it's good. Yeah. Because you put butter on it and everything tastes good yeah but is it like blue that's a sword our swordfish blue i mean i don't do i didn't see the outside of the fish right oh they didn't it didn't have a skin if it did it was edible and obviously no. You wouldn't eat the skin of a salmon.

Oh. Would you? I don't know. I wouldn't. Sometimes it's in sushi. I just don't want to, I think. Yeah. But like, do you eat that?

Or is it something that you have to remove? I have no idea. I think I've eaten salmon skin. God, we are so dumb. I know. Yeah. I know nothing. Yeah, I know nothing. I don't't know i just stumble through this world blindly

i don't know what's going on at any given point in time so we're sitting eating our uh seafood looking out onto the ocean were there other couples around do you think no no just it wasn't like a romantic restaurant it was just a nice meal yeah um and uh we look outside we're like hey uh what's up ron livingston and uh it was ron livingston like who's this guy who looks like ron livingston he doesn't live in vancouver no but they're filming something here i guess cool and yeah so fun and uh the thing that tipped me off was it's was it's the hottest two-week stretch ever here. And here's this guy on the beach in jeans and, like, a flannel shirt. Like, no, he's from somewhere hot.

Yeah, yeah. Do you notice that a lot in L.A.? Big time. Lots of people just... I even did it yesterday. I wore a long-sleeved shirt and jeans to fly from L.A. to Vancouver. long sleeve shirt and jeans to fly from la to vancouver and i got off the plane and was heading back heading into the city and i was just drenched in sweat i was like oh i'm not a true la guy like i i need to be in shorts and a tank top right now i'm dying uh but yeah i definitely noticed it

people walking around like you said long sleeve flannel and jeans i'm like it's 38 degrees celsius so yeah that's uh oh just even thinking about wearing jeans oh yeah oh yeah it's real swampy real quick well you're wearing jean shorts yeah but it's that second half of the pant that really seals in the freshness true uh and then so we finish our dinner it's lovely we go out we walk back toward the car and uh we both are like we notice this super handsome guy and at the same time i i say is that and abby says yes it is and it was owen wilson whoa owen wilson's super handsome yeah i know right well i mean i'm not saying he's not but i'm sorry i didn't mean to cut you off but hollywood even guys where you're like they're not that handsome when you see them in real life.

You're like, Oh yeah, they are. Yeah. He was one of those. Yeah. Wow. You're like,

compared to all the other people in this movie, he's, he's okay. But yeah, compared to all the people on this beach, you're like, and he was the opposite of Ron Livingston. He was wearing shorts and like this flowy shirt and a Panama hat,

riding a bike, hugging Riding a bike. Hugging some lady. Oh, man. Owen Wilson, he seems like a guy who really knows how to have fun. Sure. He tried to kill himself, right? Yeah, that's true. I think that's why it shocked everybody.

It was like, Owen Wilson? Yeah. You're not the happiest guy ever? He was... Who was it that he was hanging around? There was some guy that you wouldn't think steve coogan steve coogan what is a real according to courtney love courtney love that's steve coogan got owen wilson addicted to heroin uh and or what or some sort of some sort according to courtney love who was dating owen wilson at the time really And you know what? If anybody's got the news on who is and is not doing heroin,

it's going to be Courtney Love. Oh, yeah. She's a source I trust. And I think that was the last we heard of her. Yeah. Didn't, didn't. Her daughter, like, ended up signing a thing that took away all the publishing rights. Oh, really?

Yeah. Frances Bean? Yeah, and, like, gave her a bunch of money. signing a thing that took away all the publishing rights oh really yeah like speed yeah and like gave her a bunch of money but basically like her own daughter bailed her out or something anyways i don't know how much of this is true but we don't know anything about anything we didn't even know that a nose was an organ so you know don't don't Love's nose actually is no longer an organ. Oh, sure. Oh, meow. Yeah, I'm trying to think of a celebrity that I've seen. Well, I remember years and years ago I saw Jessica Alba, and you could have knocked me over with a feather.

I was like, oh, my goodness. I love Jessica Alba, man. She's the tops for me. you could have knocked me over with a feather i was like oh my goodness i love jessica alba man she's like she's the tops for me but you know she i know that she's a hollywood beautiful person but then you see them in real life and you're like oh boy i get it yeah yeah when i um did conan a few years ago my mom came with me and when we drove onto the lot in burbank we ran over jessica alba keep going keep going no we saw i always forget his name but the guy simon something simon baker who plays the mentalist oh yeah and we drove by and my mom i've just never seen her like just i don't think i've ever used the word agog until he is handsome like But he is handsome for TV. He was so handsome. Like, even on TV, you're like, oh, I...

Yeah, in real life, even, like, me and my mom were both just looking out the window as we drove by. Like, my God, that's a handsome man. And big head. Oh, big... That's the thing about stars, right? They all have big heads. Yeah, we have big heads. Physically, I'm not talking metaphorically.

They have gigantic heads. But what do you think... What was life... Was life always pretty sweet for these people? Yes. What do you mean before? Before they were famous. The moving pictures? Yeah.

Yeah. Like it's just like everything was peaches and cream. Like in the, you know, 16th century, they would get someone to paint a bathing suit on them. Like someone, some rich guy would paint it. Have someone paint a bathing suit on a naked lady and then have someone else paint that. But yeah, I guess it's always been that way. So we left the house at like five,

dropped the kids off, went to have dinner, picked them up, stayed at my parents' house for a little while, only get, actually got home at like nine and realized we had left the door, front door wide open. We locked the back door.

Yeah, yeah. We like to have them both open so we can get a breeze during the summertime. Wow. No foul play? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

People camping out having a few parties. Oh, very much, very much yeah squatters already set up and yeah they got rights now yeah oh wow no it's all good but it was like did you leave the door open we both did oh the oven's on too oh there's so many of the things running oh no the oven's on and it's cooking the iron oh boy part of me is like i wish i could turn like i do they have ovens you can turn on remotely with your phone oh i'm sure they must but i'm like are you supposed to not be or is it okay to not be home with your oven on i don't think so yeah because i know a few things and

i want to have it like preheat by the time i get home so that right when i get home i can slide the chicken fingers in there yeah yeah i've been thinking lately about how i i have ocd before i leave the house like i have to check my stove to make sure every element turned off like seven even the element of surprise yes especially that element but the. But the thing is, I barely even cook. I haven't even used my stove in weeks, and I'm still just staring at it before I leave to make sure. What do you got, an electric or a gas? A gas. Yeah, you got to make sure that gas is off.

You would smell it. And then I check every room to make sure the lights are off. I hold my hand under every tap to make sure the water's not running. It's like a weird little OCD thing. But if I had a mansion or something, it would take me hours to leave the house. No, you'd also have servants to do it for you. That's true, yeah. You'd be like, okay, leaving the house.

That would be the first thing I got. Yeah, servants, let's do the check. Imagine if you just had a bag of money, of cash in your house. You'd be checking on it 24-7. Oh, yeah. That's true. You'd be thinking about it right now. Like, what's going on with my bag of cash?

That's true, but I'd also have cameras everywhere. Oh, yeah. Oh, man, if I became rich and famous, or even just rich, I would be... Or even just rich. You know, I don't ask for much. Yeah. But I would be the most... I would go full fucking...

What's his name? Howard Hughes. I would go full Howard Hughes. Oh, yeah? Howard Hughes. I would go full Howard Hughes in a heartbeat. Oh, my God. I have all the predisposed. Like, I would go crazy. I've been thinking lately, being in LA and everything and seeing the whole culture of fame, I don't think I'd like to be famous.

No. The payoff is that you get rich. Isn't that the whole thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Isn't the fame, the fame's the bad thing. Yeah, you lose your privacy. But it's funny that we think, or at least I thought, that there was still some element of glamour to fame.

And now that's kind of, I still hold on to that a little bit in my brain. Yeah, there is. Yeah, like they get to go to things that we are not allowed to go to. But then they also don't get to go to things that we are allowed to go to. Yeah, but our things suck. Their things are awesome. But like if you saw Ron Livingston and you were like, Ron Livingston. And that's only Ron Livingston.

No offense to him. I love him. But if that was like Brad Pitt or something, now you're on that beach. You got 40 people surrounding you. You can't even go to the beach anymore. Yeah. But even at Owen Wilson levels, you're okay. Yeah. But even at Owen Wilson levels, you're okay. Yeah.

You think people were just being respectful because you're used to movies being shot in Vancouver and everything? I think so. Yeah. Because it is like, there's enough sightings here that you become kind of bored with it, you know? Yeah. But. I mean, it's still fun. Not so bored of it that I didn't mention it.

Yeah, yeah. But like, you know you what i think especially as an adult you're like what am i gonna go talk to this person yeah i mean no i mean unless it was somebody like like uh you know shack or something and i just want to feel hey shack yeah or just like let me put my hand up to your hand oh your hand's so big i bought a bunch of icy hot because of you you know what i would love the kind of fame i would love where people in your chosen field or fans of your chosen field are the only ones who recognize you like i've been getting big into bowling lately and uh i would love to be like the world's best bowler or top 10 on the pba or

something so when people recognize you they know you because they love your bowling. Not just they love the idea that you're bowling. I've just started getting into it, but I'm bowling on average like a 150 right now, which is not great, but I just learned to spin. I was always a straight shooter and I just was like, you know what? Stop being scared of the spin. You're going to have a few rough rounds, but you've got to learn this. How often do you go?

Just like once a week right now for the last couple of months. That's pretty often. Yeah, that's a lot. I hurt my hand playing basketball, so I went to bowl with my buddy last week. And I'm like, ah, my hand hurts so much. I'm like, I can't bowl with my right hand. So I was like, don't be scared. Learn with your left hand.

Learned with my left hand. Bowled a 175 with my left hand and my third game trying i'm not even bragging it just blew my mind so much that i was like and then i guess it doesn't matter what i do honestly i was like don't be scared of anything maybe i should start playing basketball with my left hand i can dunk now man no but it was a good bowling has taught me a lot about life and not being scared. Yeah. Yeah. Good lessons. A lot of metaphors.

Every spin, I learned something. Like, for example, when you throw it lighter, like less speed, the curve, the spin takes hold a lot more. Right. So you actually get a lot more out of it when you don't try to be so powerful and just let the bowling ball do the work, which is a great metaphor for life, man. We don't need to power through this. The pins are waiting at the end. Let the bowling ball do the work, man. We don't need to power through this. The pins are waiting at the end.

Let the bowling ball do the work, man. Oh, God. That's why you're going to be so big on the PBA. It's like, here comes the Buddha of bowling. The Zen master of strikes. Bowling napalm. What's up with you Graham well uh you know I don't know if uh

you know if the world will still be here when this podcast gets released I'm so sick of this I know right but uh here's the crazy thing so I was watching all this uh news about these uh rockets you know these nuclear

weapons and whatnot yeah thank you and uh i uh then i had this crazy dream last night and i like woke up and wrote it down because it was a crazy idea for a sci-fi movie oh and it was because i was watching all these uh clips of these rockets and stuff they it gave me the idea here's the pitch okay you're ready for my pitch yeah yeah yeah okay uh any listener you are you have uh signed away the rights to make this movie yeah listener has graham will make it yeah yeah this is my writing it and mailing it to myself yeah um so these rockets we always hear about countries doing these tests they're always just launching rockets i don't know into the sky that then fall in the ocean or go into outer space i don't know uh so my thinking was all these years

since the uh kind of invention of the atom bomb uh that at that same time uh kind of post-world war two aliens made contact with earth and they were hostile so we gave every country that had the capacity these missiles and they were always doing missile tests but those were actually defending our planet against aliens and then one year the aliens figure out how to build a shield against them. And we've got, and they've been observing us all this time. So we got no weapons that can take them out. And they start landing on Earth. And then secretly, in a lab somewhere, we've been developing real live dinosaurs.

And the aliens don't know that dinosaurs used to live here so it's a movie where dinosaurs fight aliens wow give me a billion dollars dinosaur versus alien i like that it's pretty good right yeah and then like humans ride the uh dinosaurs and uh fight aliens in uh in earth battle ta-da prehistoric versus intergalactic yeah i like that why hasn't that been done before because you just thought of it that's right thanks i feel like it probably had yeah i feel like but i but never right yeah they haven't done it right who do you guys potentially see starring in this okay um i I like Owen Wilson as a dinosaur. I like as your hard-headed, firm, manly man general, Josh Brolin.

Whoa. Good. Yeah, I like Josh Brolin in this. Josh Brolin. He's the man to take out the... Imagine seeing him in real life. Oh, yeah. He's a big old hunk of meat.

I love me some josh brolin i wonder who is the celebrity i would be the most floored by probably some i met brad pitt in real life five years ago and it was pretty remarkable he had a glow around him yeah he was a beautiful man do you shake his hand i did i talked to him i interviewed him for a tv channel i was working for at the time sweet man but he genuinely had an aura around him really yeah he was a beautiful man with an aura huh yeah i think that's what separates like a listers from b or c listers they have like a got an aura intangible or tangible kind of aura yeah yeah brad pitt i think I think that would floor me. If I saw Brad Pitt in real life. Or Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Yeah. If I saw him, I'd be like, what? That's like seeing a cartoon that's come to life. Sly Stallone would be pretty crazy. Yeah. Yeah, anybody where it was somebody that I was cognizant of as a kid. Are you going to have any comic relief in this movie, or is this serious? Yeah, I think that my pitch is Owen Wilson for the comic relief,

but is he beyond a comic relief guy? Who do you think? Well, I'm just thinking how comic we're going. Are we going into Mars Attacks mode, or are we going like... No, no, this is an action. This is a summer blockbuster. Independence Day, Jeff Goldblum and his dad comic relief.

Oh, when I did Conan last month, Jeff Goldblum was there filming a sketch, so I saw him. I didn't talk to him, but he walked by. That's a handsome man. That guy gets more handsome as he gets older. Yeah, he really does. Jeff Goldblum, yeah. Another man with an aura around him. Mm-hmm.

These auras. Yeah. I got to get an aura, I guess. As the alien, I guess, like, Kim Cattrall. Let's see. As a dinosaur, I don't know. Sarah Jessica Parker. Sarah Jessica Parker.

As the general, Cynthia Nixon. Yeah, yeah. And as Charlotte. Yeah. Tristan. What would you call this movie? Sex and the City 3? Yeah.

But Sex and the Planet. The Planet is the fifth character. Gotta be a good name in there. There's so much potential for that. Yeah. I mean, Ron Livingston could play Burger. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's a... You know, there could be a big comes in. Yeah, sure. It's a, um, you know, there could be a big comes in. Yeah. Sure. Tells a dinosaur to get into his limo.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Chris not as Mr. Big. He's an alien. And he,

uh, but he just wants to watch old movies. Yeah. Oh boy. What a, what a jerk. Um, I,

this conversation actually makes me sad that we don't have James Gandolfini anymore because I feel like he would be the perfect general. Ah, yeah. But I like your Brolin recommendation. I do like Brolin, too. He makes every movie better. There's a certain few guys who are like, he's A-list, but you know what I mean? He's not like Tom Cruise A-list.

He's like kind of A-tier, too. A-minus. Yeah. He's Bitcoins in the bank is what they would say in the future. Yeah. Guys, what's money anymore? Well, then what are banks? Isn't the whole point of Bitcoin?

Yeah, that's true. Those are Bitcoins. That guy's Bitcoins on the dark web. Yeah, that guy's Bitcoins on a thumb drive. Do we want to move on to Overheard? Sure. Do it. Hi, I'm comedian Emily Heller

and I'm cartoonist Lisa Hanawalt and we're the hosts of Baby Geniuses do you want to learn weird new facts? do you like hearing successful creative women talk about their poop? do you want the scoop on Martha Stewart's pony? if you answered yes to any of these questions our show is for you we interview people like Paul F. Tompkins

Kristen Schaal, Michael Che and more, so check us out on Maximum Fun. And let us mess with your brain. Yes, please. Baby geniuses, we know everything. Baby geniuses, tell us something we don't know. Hi, this is Griffin McElroy. Hi, this is Rachel McElroy.

And we're the hosts of Rose Buddies. It's a podcast about the Bachelor family of products. We watch The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, and Bachelor in Paradise. Yes, it is garbage television, but we're the king and queen of this garbage pile. We're the raccoons in charge around here. So join us on Tuesdays. Because the TV show's on Mondays. And basically we'll recap what we saw and we'll just sort of scoop the garbage around

us and make a little fort out of it. No viewing required. But it's a good TV show. What are you doing? Overheard. Overheard. It's a segment in which we hear things out there in the world or see things and report them here on the podcast. We always like to start with the guest.

Okay. DJ, lead the way. As you know, overhearing things is not my strong suit. I will say that I haven't, so like I said, I'm very bad at this because I don't hear much. But I'm noticing at the gym in LA right now, so many people are on their phones having full-on business conversations while they're working out. I can't tell you what they're saying. I can tell they sound important. Yeah.

But it's just a new level of kind of pretentiousness, if that's the word I want to use, where I'm like, wow, your life is so busy that you need everybody to know at this gym right now that you're closing deals. Yeah. Yeah, so I can't tell you specifically. Do you sweat enough at the gym that you take out your hearing aids? I take my hearing aids out the second I walk into the gym.

I don't talk to a single person. Oh, that'd be good. Full deaf mode. That'd be nice. It's actually really nice. And then it like eliminates, like I was there last week and one of the employees came over to upsell me on something or other. And it was so nice to just be like, I can't hear, dude.

Keep it moving. Do you have a card you give? No, I don't. I should give. That you have a card you give no I don't I should give that has sign language on it yeah yeah hey how about you give me

some money so that's my overheard a very are you sure he was trying to upsell you or he was like you're using the machine all wrong

you need to put a shirt on on the elliptical no thank you I'm deaf that I no thank you no part'm deaf. No, thank you. No part of the machine should enter you.

What kind of a gym is this? Not here right now. La, la, la. Oh. Dave? So this is at the beach right as we were going to our anniversary dinner. I heard there were these people leaving the beach. There was a guy and two girls, and he was telling them about another show that was shooting in town.

I just heard him mention The Man in the High Castle. And one of the women with him said, no, I want Riverdale. I want to meet them. I love Archie and the Asian guy and Cole. My favorite Archie characters. Yeah, the Asian guy. The Asian guy and Cole. My favorite Archie characters. Yeah. The Asian guy. The Asian guy, Cole.

Is Reggie Asian? Yeah. Okay. Reggie's barely in it. I know. You would shoot Riverdale in Vancouver? Yeah. Huh.

Is it good? I have given no thought to that show at all. We gave thought to it and then we stopped. Yeah. We watched maybe, what, first six, seven episodes and then we stopped yeah we watched uh maybe what first six seven episodes and then it kind of i don't know then i just not archie enough yeah and you know i thought reggie was going to be kind of like the you know just kind of manufacturing all the disasters because he was always he's the master of disaster yeah he was always causing trouble and him and moose always were uh clanging heads and you know uh what was her name midge midge was uh was moose's

steady yeah but she really is she in the show uh yeah there must be a midge yeah apple is what's her face barb from all right stranger things um oh season one unless unless it's all flashbacks hey you know what if you haven't seen stranger things by now graham hasn't really spoiled anything except that barb is in season one i was like did you know that though i didn't i did not know where you were going with that, and I don't think you ruined anything. Good. My overheard is I was at a pharmacy, and there was a little kid doing a real strange walk. What else are you going to do in a boring pharmacy? Yeah, exactly.

So this kid was doing a strange walk, and his mom said, what are you doing? Do you have to pee? And he said, no, I'm a robot. Yeah. So, you know, mom, pay attention. I'm doing character. I am urinating. By the way, this robot really has to pee.

Bladder reaching 30% capacity. So like us. Even the robot robots got a 30 bladder capacity we haven't improved upon this shitty human bladder for the robot look we can't make the robots better than us because but like when you really have to pee it feels like you are going to explode yeah yeah why can't your bladder like in emergency in emergency situations, be like, all right, let's go 35? I don't know. Because you take advantage of it. The bladder knows. Humans like to push.

I was thinking about that recently. The bladder knows. Because I've been using Q-tips again recently, and I've never used them in my life because I've always been told they're bad for you. What's the worst that could happen? And I was thinking, Q-tips aren't bad. It's humans' propensity for pushing things too far that's bad. Yeah, you're right. Q-tips aren't the problem. No, Q-tips have't bad. It's humans' propensity for pushing things too far that's bad. Yeah, you're right.

Q-tips aren't the problem. No, Q-tips have always been our friend. You're right. What are some, like, because you're not supposed to put them in your ear holes. Yeah, right. But, like, what else are you supposed to do? Like. You go in and around.

But, like, where, what other uses do they have? Urethra, I believe. Yeah. Yeah. Of course. Stick them up your nose. Stick them up, yeah. But, like, cleaning. Whatever order you want. Do a throat swab. Cleaning jewelry or something. Yeah, yeah. yeah yeah of course stick them up your nose stick them up yeah but like

cleaning cleaning jewelry or something yeah yeah cleaning your keyboard cleaning your urethra jewelry yeah what do you got down there

I got a Prince Albert splash um now we also so that's the show guys no no no no no hey thanks for listening no no no no no, no, no. Hey, thanks for listening. No, no, no, no, no, no.

We'll see you next week. I'm out of here. I'm just going to sing a John Mayer song to close us out, if that's cool. Yeah, absolutely. One more song from John Mayer. We have overheard sent in from people around the world. If you want to send one in to us, you can send it in to spy at MaximumFun.org. And this first one comes from Claire all the way in Dublin.

This is a teen boy on the bus saying, I guess, to his friends, I put a story on Instagram. It's just me saying, F guess, to his friends, I put a story on Instagram. It's just me saying, Funky Fresh Dave. I guess that's what teens are doing now, right? Is a story on Instagram the same as a Snapchat? Yeah. But that means you don't have to have Snapchat.

But it stays around, right? No, the story goes away. Oh, the story goes away. Yeah, 24 hours of story. They just rip Snapchat off wholeheartedly. Yeah. And good for them. Yeah.

Because there's no reason, like there's no, there's nothing proprietary about posting a video that then disappears. No. And it was, it was like originally, I mean, it was adopted wide, but it was originally for pervs, right? Yeah. Yeah. It was 100% for people perving out. Everything was originally for pervs right yeah yeah it was 100 for people that's why

everything's was originally for pervs that's right i guess the vacuum cleaner might have been for pervs q-tips for sure yeah q-tips um uh this next one comes from who oh uh either jen or andrew either Jen or Andrew a joint account what are they my parents? weird right? they have to be of a certain age there's no young joint account I mean Andrew has his own account as well

I'm certain this is from Jen I was at the Little Mountain performance of Graham Clark's Not Here, which is currently on at the Edmonton Fringe. I've heard it's amazing, by the way. What's that? I've heard it's so great.

Oh, well, I mean, you know, if DJ's heard it all the way down Los Angeles, I mean, if word's spreading, that's... Well, he said he's not great at overhearing things. He said he's not great at overhearing things. This was two people talking about performances they've done and how taking drugs has affected their ability to perform, mostly about weed. One guy said, the best use of drugs is ceremonial therapeutic

and how great ayahuasca was, to which the other guy said oh yeah i'm on a wait list for it yeah where do you get ayahuasca i don't know out in the desert maybe yeah no i i got a an email from a friend who goes regularly on ayahuasca retreats in california and i told him i was interested so he sent me the email that you sign up for to go. And it's a bit of a wait list as well. For real? Oh, okay.

So I don't know if it's like to get the drug. Maybe, yeah. Maybe it's a thing where you, it's like only certain people can grow it. And they know to responsibly, you know, shepherd you around while you're on it. Yeah, you're supposed to, I know you're supposed to do it with like a guide. Otherwise, they don't go insane And people who have done it who swear by it Like my friend who passed the email on to me

I thought you were going to say passed away Oh dear He didn't have a spirit guide You know what I'm not going to let you guys undermine How important this sacred ritual is Just because it comes in email form But he's done it 17 times now. And he goes back and guides people

because he believes in the process so much that he goes and volunteers and helps other people through their first time. Wow. Yeah. It is weird to get an email about it, though. I know. But emails are almost kind of quaint now, right?

Oh, yeah. Not a Facebook group or something. But it's like, it's also kind of quaint at this point. It's like, here's some ayahuasca and 40 off chinos yeah i uh i do know people who have done it and they yeah they swear up and down that it's the you know that they learned something i know a comedian who said he was depressed and it solved his depression like for two years he said he did two years prior to me meeting him and he's like i was very depressed i haven't been depressed since i did ayahuasca two years ago wow yeah oh well let's do it yeah let's all go out to the

desert what does it cost yeah exactly 500 bucks for two days for two days that's not bad that's not bad i mean a hotel is less or is about that if you, you know, stay at a nice one. Is this a nice hotel? I don't believe so. You have to like really live a clean lifestyle for a month before you go though. Oh, really? Yeah, certain foods and all that sort of thing. How much butterscotch are you allowed to eat?

Like a lot? None at all? How much what, say? Butterscotch? No butterscotch. Wow! They specifically say that. I was very surprised by say? Butterscotch. No butterscotch. They specifically say that. I was very surprised by how much butterscotch was mentioned.

So I'm like, a clean lifestyle, I'm just cleaning my urethra day and night. The whole month leading up to it? Yeah, you like, the whole month leading up to it, you don't drink, you don't smoke, you eat specific types of healthy food. And then you go and you just purge, like you just puke and shit. Yeah, apparently like, yeah, you take it and then you go and you just purge like you just puke and shit yeah apparently like yeah you take it and then you just throw up everywhere but then i'm like i could do that yeah less than five for ipicac i could take some ipicac yeah yeah just eat that moldy peach that's been sitting on the counter for a while i wonder if that would do anything only one way to find it yeah yeah yeah um This last one comes from, I'm not sure how I would pronounce that.

How would you pronounce that name? Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh. First name there. I'm going to say Chalenge. Yeah, Chalenge. Chalenge.

That name is a Chalenge to pronounce. Yeah. Maybe you don't pronounce, maybe you pronounce a J more like chilenje. Oh, yeah. I can see that. And maybe the CH is more of a chilenje. Like that? Anyways, this is a grandma.

Just change it to Jeff. No, don't. I love this. I love this. I don't know what origin this name is, but I love it. A grandma with two grandkids in the checkout line at the grocery store. Younger one, looks to be around five years old, is getting fussy. So the grandma says to the older grandchild, her blood sugar levels are low.

Give her a fruit bar. The five-year-old, without missing a beat, my sugar levels are fine. It's my toy levels that are low. Pretty great. Yeah. Come on. Kids are cute. Every store now has so many little toys available around every corner.

Where was this when I was a kid? Yeah. I remember. Now that I'm a father with... Do you find like even stores that shouldn't have toys have toys? Well, like why in a grocery store do they have a bag? You know, like Super Balls, the really bouncy little balls? Why a bag of 50 of them?

Because you're going to lose 49 of them. Yeah, that's true. Well, then when you get down to that last one, you're like, oh, no, I'm going to take super good care of it. But while you have 50, just bounce them in the street. Now, in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, guys, it's so easy. All you need is a phone, a will, and a will to do it. And here's the way.

And gumption. Yeah. Here's how you do it. You call 1-844-779-7631. That is one. Ugh. SpyPod 1. Put it in your phone now so I never have to say it again.

Here we go. Hey, Dave Graham and guests. This is Brian calling from Boston with an overseen. I was just driving home from the dog park through this suburban neighborhood, and I saw a drone fly by with a little string coming off of it with the dollar attached to a hook on the end. And then I saw some kids, uh, uh, walking by and they were, uh, I guess they were, uh, going fishing.

For what? Well, just whatever, I guess. Well, that's like, you know know the classic prank of having a you know a fishing rod with a dollar bill on a boat that's a way that's a new way to do a dunk yeah i had grown up with a dollar bill and whoever dunks gets the oh that's a good way to teach yourself to jump higher yeah that's right do you remember those shoes that were in the backs of uh maybe not sports illustrated but other sports magazines that had a little platform on the ball of your foot?

And they kind of make fun of them on site. Oh, yeah. But I don't know, are you supposed to play basketball in them? Were you just supposed to practice jumping in them? I don't know. Do you know what I'm talking about? I think they were more for training. Yeah. I forgot all about that yeah but they were like to make your calves stronger or give you more of it didn't get i never got that far in the logic process but i just like i remember seeing

them pictured and them being like i was like well who they look too dumb yeah that to even consider using them as a training tool. Yeah. I'm sure they weren't healthy at all. You changed the whole way that your foot moves and interacts with it. I'm sure this won't cause any damage. Yeah, exactly. All the weight is just on this one area of your ankle.

I mean, usually used to putting my heel down, but oh. I'm not used to the heels falling through the bottom of my shoes. Snap, snap. Oh, no. Achilles. My dollar. My one weakness. Here's your next phone call.

Hi, Stop Podcasting Yourself. This is Susie from Indianapolis calling in with an overheard. This one's a little bit old, but I'm finally calling it in. So it was right after New Year's of this past year. My boss and a coworker were talking about New Year's resolution. My boss's resolution was to start eating healthier, and she was talking about the food she's going to buy for her family and all that stuff. So the overheard that I got was her saying,

my daughter will be eating so good, she don't eat nothing but gravy. That girl could eat gravy all day. Yeah, I mean, I guess I could too if somebody would let me, but... But like, don't offer so much gravy to your daughter. Where's she getting it? That's where you got to ask yourself, where's all this gravy coming from? Yeah, follow the gravy. Did I tell you that when I was at the airport in Winnipeg, the guy ahead of me at Harvey's just ordered gravy?

Just a gravy? And they were like, with? No, no, just the gravy. And then he just took it and, I i mean he didn't drink it or anything in front of me maybe he was ashamed and went and did it or maybe he was gonna go get a prize somewhere else oh like he likes the gravy from this place yeah the fries from wherever yeah yeah i feel like you'd already have the fries because you'd want the hot gravy to pour on them i think you'd rather let the fries get a little cool and put the hot gravy on it. Hot gravy can

warm those fries, or hot fries can warm those gravies up. I don't know. I feel like the liquid gravy is going to warm up the solid fries better than the solid fries are going to warm up the liquid gravy. I don't know though. I'm not a scientist. No, no, no. None of us apparently are. I am a liquid a scientist. No, no, no. None of us apparently are. I am a liquid gravy scientist. Liquid gravy. What? Not very many restaurants will even serve gravy.

Well, yeah. I mean, fast food ones. Like McDonald's doesn't have it. Sure. The Burger King, Wendy's, they don't have it. That's always struck me as odd that they didn't have gravy it seems like but but then i never knew you would dip fries and gravy until i had my friend whose parents were from england were like vinegar and gravy yeah but i felt like

swish la was uh that was an entry point for gravy and fries but if you grew up in the east yeah fries and gravy since when you were a kid right yeah i was out in newfoundland a few months ago and i had fries and gravy i was like damn i forgot how good gravy is yeah so good it's really good the brown stuff the brown stuff the brownest of the brown it's the thick brown yeah yeah i also liked in this phone call when she said that my boss was talking about all the good good food she was gonna feed her family this year only we're gonna get a lettuce yeah yeah yeah maybe that'll last us till like march yeah if you leave me to my the first few months i lived in la my girlfriend was living with me

and then now i'm living on my own uh we're still together but she just anyway we're i'm alone and i realized i ate so well when she was with me in la and then the second i'm left alone i eat like garbage i cannot yeah and then i go hours without eating too all of a sudden it's like dinner and i haven't eaten all day because i just don't take care of myself. What's your go-to garbage food? Oh, man. I just go. I eat out every meal. So my go-to garbage food has been there's a Ralph's grocery store just across the street from me.

I just go and get—they just make me sandwiches. So I'll just get, like, pastrami on, like, sourdough or ciabatta or whatever with a bunch of stuff. That's a high-level garbage food. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I'm not going to McDonald's or anything. I do go to Subway. Subway is right beside the Ralph, so I mix it up between those two. Either way, I'm eating just sandwiches.

I'm just a sandwich guy. When your girlfriend was living with you, did you guys ever talk about maybe getting a joint email address? We never got that far. That's heavy stuff. That is heavy stuff is like then you're getting emails that are meant for the two of you i guess and i mean like if you're married you can at least have you know the same last name and the email address but otherwise it's like dj demers and his girlfriend i don't know her name that would be the email at gmail.com or you could just get

that email address and then whoever he happens to be dating that's true just you give you give the password because it's

DJ Demers and his girlfriend if you got a new girlfriend the old girlfriend's like emails would still be in there that's when you know I've broken up with you when you can't log into our email account anymore and your new girlfriend's like emails would still be in there that's when you know i've broken up with you when

you can't log into our email account anymore and your new girlfriend's like why do we have all these anthropology uh subscriptions uh it's from the last one this is weird um here's your final phone call hey guys this is mitch this is Mitch in Los Angeles. Calling in with an overheard. This is from late last year when I was at a Dodgers game. In the section behind us, there was

a Cubs fan cheering really loudly. There was another Dodgers fan who started getting upset. As the innings were on, they both got drunker. The Dodgers fan started trying to out-cheer him, but he was just so drunk that he was kind of just shouting. And he had this really deep, almost Eddie Vedder-like voice.

So he was just sort of screaming. And finally, at one point, these two guys started getting into an altercation um but we can't really hear what the cubs fan is saying we can only hear how the drunk dodgers fan is responding and so we they keep shouting each other and finally right before they the usher comes down to lead them both out, we just hear the Dodgers fan shout, I will not suck my own ass. Oh, wow.

The whole time I was picturing Eddie Vedder doing these things. He's got like a cool older guy haircut now. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's aging pretty gracefully oh yeah yeah he strikes me as like uh like if you were part of the big brother program like eddie vetter would be like the cool brother to get eddie vetter reminds me of neil young in the sense that and i know neil young's a big influence on eddie vetter but he reminds me of him in the

sense that he always seemed like an old soul so him getting older doesn't it's not a weird thing it's like of course you've always been like 55 years old yeah even when he was 25 but he looked he's like he's like a cool like like a single like i don't know single dad maybe is he recently divorced or anything i always find like you can look at that now he's still with his i i saw them on the uh rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction When David Letterman Did their

I think David Letterman Did their Yeah yeah Intro speech And there was Shots of him with I'm assuming his wife Uh

Yeah I could see I could see Vedder Stay in the course He's like Bruce Springsteen Like just like He married Or Neil Young

But then Neil Young Shocked everybody And he left Peggy Young five years ago Or three years ago For Bo Derek Oh like he married neil young but then neil young shocked everybody and he left peggy young five years ago or three years ago for beau derrick oh is that what he left her for i didn't know that yeah beau derrick or some other bombshell some other beau it might have been beau bridges or it was beau jackson yeah uh i think it's i can't believe I didn't hear this. I mean, it's earth shattering on so many fronts.

Neil Young leaves wife for sporting legend BoJack. Well, you know, Bo knows. Yeah. No, but I think Bruce Springsteen, he's still with Patty for sure. I don't know. He's with Peggy Young now. This guy knows every classic rocker's wife's name. Yeah, that's pretty good.

Good pull. I don't know for sure one way or the other, but I think yes. I think they've stayed the course. I mean, what do you got to prove? When you've been Bruce Springsteen all these years, you got to go have affairs? Come on. Well, here's a question I've wondered. You're Springsteen, you're 60, 65 maybe now?

You're 60 at least. If you were to, like, be single, the girls you're going to have affairs with, women you're going to have affairs with, they're probably older, right? Like no 25 or 30-year-old. I think so. I think Bruce Springsteen's still able to.

Oh, yeah. I mean, he's the boss. I get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just wondering where you go once you're single and you're Bruce Springsteen at 60 or 65. Oh, you go on one of those Bumble accounts. Or there's got to be one that's just for.

There's got to be. There are famous like Tinder for famous people. Yeah, some, there's gotta be one that's just for, there's gotta be. There are famous, uh, like Tinder. Yeah. Tinder for famous people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

That would be such a weird thing to be on. Imagine if you were just famous enough to get on there and like, or like they would have to have tears. Oh God. I hooked up with Matthew Lillard. Yeah. But like eventually it'll be like Twitter and they'll just start verifyingard. Yeah. But, like, eventually it'll be, like, Twitter, and they'll just start verifying anyone. Yeah.

Oh, my God. Who's this weatherman I'm matched up with? I've gotten turned down twice by Twitter trying to verify myself. They won't fucking verify me. I went back a second time. I'm like, well, by now they got to understand I'm verifiable. They're like, you ain't shit, buddy. You got to change your profile pic to you wearing a suit they're like ah he means business yeah but like the traffic reporter from ames iowa is on there it's verified

uh well that brings us to the end of this episode uh dj thank you very much for being our guest thank you very much for having me guys um you have very much for having me, guys. You have a new podcast, Definitely DJ. Definitely DJ, yeah. And people can get it on all the platforms. Anywhere you get your podcast, you can find Definitely DJ. Dave's wearing his headphones in a very fun manner, wearing them around his mouth. This would be a good promo shot for some sort of DJ that, like, he was banned. Yeah, they tried to silence him.

He wore his headphones like Abe Lincoln. That's how I assumed it looked. Yeah, no, it was over your mouth. Abe Lincoln had a beard over his mouth. And do you have any dates coming up september anytime september i'm in houston uh and calgary in the middle of the month september 14th and 15th and 21st and 22nd and then october i'm doing a big tour sponsored by a hearing aid company that's traveling all around america so you can look out for me on that. Whoa! Which hearing aid company? Phonak, who I wear, and they are great hearing aids.

If you have any hearing problems, you too should wear Phonak. Or you should give yourself hearing problems just so you have the opportunity to wear Phonak. That's how good they are. I use Bose. Yeah, are you a Boseman? Yeah. Bose knows.

I still can't believe that. uh nose i still can't believe that um and uh i'm doing two two shows in edmonton at the edmonton fringe uh instagram and graham clark's not here so if you're uh in edmonton and you're bored and uh you've already filled yourself full of pita gatti that was from another episode uh come by the show i'd love to have you and uh you know did you ever use miracle ear miracle ear i'm familiar with them but they don't compare to the high quality hearing aid you have phonak boy this guy knows how to stay on brand stay on brand stay on message uh so uh that's about all we have oh yeah go go over to maximum fun.org pictures and videos of things we talked about in this week's episode recap what did we talk about eddie vetter's haircut sure uh bowling pro bowling yeah right um uh phonak various organs oh yeah the nose

can you buy a nose on the dark web oh for sure I mean I don't know how you install it that's your own problem you get it in the mail I think it's like blue apron they give you there's like a little

cool box they send you. With nostrils and a bridge and you put it together yourself. I think you need a 3D printer. They email you the genome or whatever it is. Oh, well. And if you like the show, please tell your friends to come on back next week for another episode of stop podcasting yourself maximum fun.org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported