Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 493 - Pat Thornton

Episode Date: August 28, 2017

Comedian and actor Pat Thornton joins us to talk weird gigs, people getting in our way, and pool. Also, mustard.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 493 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's dressed in the same palette of clothing that I am and our guest is Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, when our guest showed up I pointed out that Graham and he are both in blue shorts and gray shirts and then I saw myself and I was like, oh, I position healed myself or whatever. It's a fun, it's wearing gray on a hot summer day is a dangerous.

It's very dangerous. It shows all of the sweats. Although apparently gray undershirts are where it's at. Really? Because the heather, maybe this is just a white guy thing, but the heather matches like the skin tone. Whereas if you see someone with a white t-shirt under their shirt, you can see it. You can really see it.

Popping out. But the gray, it blends in. I always thought that when I saw guys wearing the super white shirt underneath another shirt, it was like they wanted me to know they were wearing an undershirt. But probably not. Do you ever wear an undershirt? Yeah, with a button-up. Yeah.

In the summer, I will. I find it very cooling. Yeah, well, you got to do something. There's like a layer of air that slips between the two layers. It's like your liquid of air it slips between the two layers it's like uh it's like you're liquid cooled yeah i guess we are liquid cooled yeah um our guest today who's also dressed in the same color palette a very funny comedian uh both uh sketch and uh stand-up and uh a guy we've wanted to have on the podcast for quite a long time, Mr.

Pat Thornton is our guest. Hello. Hello. I'm here now. Yeah, yeah, and it feels right. Let's make the most of it. Yeah, yeah, this feels good. Feels good to be in green blue.

Feels good to be here. Yeah. Yeah, we're doing it, you guys. It's a balmy Friday morning. So balmy. So balmy. Is this, well, let's get to know us. Get to know us.

You're hailing from Toronto. Is this better weather or worse weather than from where you left? Let's get down to the issues. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is great. The weather, the day this was recorded. Which is two and a half weeks before it comes out. We usually have very hot summers.

Yeah, yeah. And we had a bit of a cool snap uh before i left right it was getting really cold at night um uh and then it was much hotter here when we got here which is not what we expected that's not uh when i uh travel i don't like going somewhere and then finding out like oh it's so it was so chilly just before you showed up yeah now it's record highs um also your mountain is hiding yeah yeah you can't this is uh this has been kind of i was talking to somebody last night that's visiting for two weeks and uh like her whole agenda was gonna be mountains i was gonna go up the grass grind i was gonna go to whistler i was gonna do this and uh everything's on fire

you can't see anything you can't see anything. You can't see anything. It's been weird because I'm so used to seeing the mountains and then it's kind of like, this is what the city would be like if it was just a city. If it was just a city somewhere. And if every sunset was like

It's like some kind of Photoshop filter. Like behind a shower door? Yeah. Or it looks like a sunset would have millions of colors, and this looks like a Nintendo game sunset. Yeah, yeah. It's just like California games or something.

So what's new? What's going on with Pat Thornton? Tell us all about it. California games or something. So what's new? What's going on with Pat Thornton? Tell us all about it. So I got up this morning. What did you have for breakfast? I had what I call a peanut butter taco. Go on.

We're listening. Which is just a one bread peanut butter sandwich. One slice of bread peanut butter sandwich. You just put a lot of peanut butter in the middle and you squish it. No, um. You squish it with your hand? Yeah, you just squish it together so it's taco shaped. Did you get this out of like a kid's cookbook? No.

Peanut butter taco. No, no, no. Hot dog fajitas. Yeah. kids cookbook like no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no You can call it a taco and it's great. Yeah. It makes it more fun. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yesterday, somebody had dropped, I guess, like their groceries. They had dropped a full loaf of like really seedy bread. And the birds were like, one had tunneled in and they were just like one after another, just jumping into this loaf of bread.

Oh, man. Tiny. Those tiny little birds. They were having the best day of their life. And, you know, the person who lost their bread, presumably, having the worst day. You're out here to visit friends. Yes. And you were saying before the show that you're going to do a show tomorrow on some sort of raft.

On a floating dock. Yeah. On a lake, on a mountain, I guess, in Whistler. Yeah. Yeah. So it's part of some sort of arts festival or something. Yeah. And, yeah. Have you ever had to do

stand-up outside before? I, okay, let me tell you about this one really weird gig that I had. I got booked to play a golf tournament. But what I thought i was doing was the was a set at like the dinner right makes sense but it wasn't that boy they set me up at one of the holes at one of the holes and the idea was not even there was no mic there was it was me sitting across a table in like a tent, like a refreshment station, because there was also beer there.

So it was a reason for people to come in, off the course, sit down. And then I had to do the same five minutes for 20 different foursomes. Oh, wow. Just across the table from four people. Wow. It was a really weird gig. And then as I was leaving, they were were like do you want to do stand up at the dinner i was like no like you're somebody that that's like your life force like we can also

have you do it here i mean it makes more sense for you to do the dinner but i don't know why you volunteered for this whole thing what was it, yeah. We thought you were doing it. What was, at what point did they tell you that this is what you were doing? The moment you showed up? Yeah, yeah, yeah. When I got there, they were like, let's get you set up. And then they walked me over and said, the whole eight. And I was like, sorry? Were you wondering why you were on a bus with 17 other comedians?

Oh, my God. Yeah. Hole one, everybody's really having a good time. And then hole 18, tough crap. Were there people on other holes? No. I feel like I moved your microphone and I set you up to slouch now. Oh, I'm okay.

Wherever you're comfortable. I love it. Yeah. Yeah. Slouching is so natural. So bad for your neck. Good slouch. My wife's not around.

I'll slouch all I want. Is she always correcting you on the bottom? No. No, sir. 100% no. I just wanted to make that a thing. Like a hacky husband thing. Like, hey, she's gone.

I don't think it's... Yeah, well like yeah like hey she's gone i don't think yeah well the cat's away let's lean that's more of like your your parents would do that yeah yeah yeah stand up straight were you always being corrected stand up straight by my parents by my ballet teacher by uh my um uh pageant mom yeah yeah yeah uh what did you have a thing when you were a kid that you were constantly you had uh your parents like correcting like my mine was uh uh using saying uh you know like dave and i went if i said dave and me right dad was always like, Dave and I. Like, he was very big on that. No, well, I guess the truth is my dad isn't a huge fan of me. So it was just everything. I walked too loud.

I ate too loud. I breathed too loud. What was I doing in a doorway? You know what I mean? It was nuts. What were you doing in a doorway? Was there an earthquake? I just wanted to go there and eat loud.

That's all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know what? Now that you're an adult, you can eat them peanut butter tacos as loud as you want. My things were, ah, for one thing. Like, you're ordering food at a restaurant. You know what you want. You don't have to say, ah, I would like. Oh,'re ordering food at a restaurant you know what you want you don't have to say uh i would like oh yeah oh yeah yeah what's that ah doing in there the the

me or i yeah but that was something they didn't teach us in school until like grade four or five i don't know and if they taught us taught it to us once if you miss that day you're you're misusing it also a lot of people who uh who correct that get it wrong yeah yeah there are a lot of times when me is is either yeah is either the right thing or or just fine you have to say but people just want that eye yeah i sound smarter it does you just you you remove the other part of the sentence yeah and you're like whatever me go like, did me go to the store? Did me go to the store? Well, I was Frankenstein at the time.

Fire bad. Yeah, I think also, I think I got corrected on saying like. Yeah. But that seems to have gone out the window. Because now even people on know people on cnn are are saying like oh yeah but no one says it more than we do yeah no that's true we do say it like is in the dictionary now yeah yeah it was a 2004 word yeah and the definition is, um, you know, yeah.

I'm pausing to think of the word I want to like, but remember when that was, uh, specifically linked to Valley girl, Valley girls or, I know. And then we all slowly became Valley girls. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, pretty good. Yeah. It's not bad. You're right. Now that I think of it, it's like the worst things. I dig it yeah uh but i know i do it without knowing yeah yeah but when i

if i tune into somebody talking and i notice that they're doing it a lot then that's all i can well on this show i don't edit any of that out but when we were doing our debut album and we had notes of things we were going to say, I had to like, well, I had to specifically think in my head that, ah, shouldn't be there.

So I would make you or me redo it. Oh yeah. Yeah. That happens to me when I'm acting a lot, I get corrected with things like, uh, or like, uh,

yeah, yeah. Wow. I did both a lot, I get corrected with things like, uh, or like, uh, yeah, yeah. Wow. I did both. I did both. Well, no, but like is okay.

Yeah. There, because you were, you were about to say an example. Okay. Um, boy, we're all in the hot seat now.

I also sometimes like, like, I don't know, like kiss my teeth or something. Oh yeah. Like start a sentence like,

you know, like just, like stop that. Did you? Everyone does it on the show because I, that's something I try to edit out

as much as possible. And it's the, it's after the word um. Um. Well. Yeah. I'm doing a lot of that smacking yeah yeah the uh because you you uh act quite a bit yeah uh you just made an acting face yeah

what's your favorite curse word i uh whenever i've acted in things i'm not a good actor but my eyebrows start jumping all over the place oh yeah and people have said what the hell what's going on on your forehead that's not how you look when you talk but then if i'm it's like my brain is trying to remember the words and that's being projected right Right. You'd have like a bad. Bad face. Yeah, or it's something that a director's been like, you got to not do that. Well, I mean.

The ah, the. The things I said. You just said it. Yeah, yeah. My wife tells me that I have an acting voice that's a little bit different than my voice. Okay. And I don't really know that because i sound different to me anyway right right like everybody does um but she's like no no you're when you're acting you're

that's not you that's like like 10 off or something i'm like really and you but you don't i don't know huh i'm just to just. I feel I'm not an actor. And anytime I've tried, I feel like I have 80% acting voice. Yeah. 20% me. Hello there, grocery store owner. That's not the line. I felt that way when I did stand up too.

I was like, well, I'm entering a joke now. So everybody just relax. It's really like performing. Yeah. The time in between the jokes, I'm entering a joke now, so. So everybody just relax. It's really like performing. Yeah. The time in between the jokes, I'm being myself, but now this joke guy is talking. Now we're, yeah. But also your jokes were very.

Erotic. Very erotic, yeah. And there was a, you acted in a film, uh, recently that was kind of a parody of, uh, Rob Ford's. Yeah. Phil City. Phil City. Yeah. And that got like very rare that a Canadian comedy film gets press.

Yes. And that got national attention. Yeah. Yeah. That's because Doug Ford threatened our lives. Yeah. Which really helped out the promo of the movie. Yeah, yeah. That's because Doug Ford threatened our lives. Yeah. Which really helped out the promo of the movie. Yeah, yeah.

The weird thing about that is that the movie never came out. Like, it's only ever done three screenings. You know, like, it didn't. Which is big for a Canadian movie. For sure, for sure. Yeah. Like, they hadn't had any kind of distribution set up. It was actually funded by Super Channel, which then filed for bankruptcy.

Really? And backed out of the funding that they were committed to. Super Channel filed for bankruptcy? They've been around my whole life. As the channel you can't afford. Yeah. I think Netflix destroyed them. Okay.

So anyway, they didn't have... They were just trying to get the movie finished. And then it played a festival and then they did a couple of free screenings of it. So like 800 people have seen that movie or something, but it got press everywhere. Yeah. Like, and then like everyone wanted to see it and it was like, well, it's not coming out anywhere. Yeah. So is it now coming out somewhere

you can like is it on a thumb drive anywhere yeah it's it's actually playing in like 20 countries that aren't canada really uh yeah in uh as a digital series it's broken up the movie's in chapters and then it's uh so this company called Studio Plus, has released it all over Europe as a digital series. We have no idea if anyone's watching it. I haven't heard anything, but it's out there. And not anywhere here yet, except that you can order a Blu-ray. And so I'm still waiting to hear how it will come out. Yeah, yeah.

But it's a cool movie. Not just because of me. I think I'm great in it. I mean, absolutely. of you that yeah yeah just not you but uh mostly it's like i'm really impressed with like for the money what these guys pulled off because it feels like a legit action comedy it looked from the trailer there's so much done and you're the lead i'm not actually the lead you're the mayor i'm the mayor i'm the mayor and i'm like the poster and stuff but i'm not the protagonist of the story it's somebody hunting down the crack tape okay right okay yeah and the poster looks like the kind of poster from it's an awesome like 80s style 80s style comedy yeah yeah those

really those went out and i don't know why i don't know why those went out of style the really like perfectly illustrated oh yeah 80s action poster yeah yeah remo williams the adventure begins do you remember that movie yeah that was a movie that was so sure there was going to be a sequel, and several sequels after, that they literally put it in the title. Who was in it? I don't remember the actor's name, but he's a character actor that when you see a photo of him, you'll be like, ah. Ah, he should have been in more movies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think it was, that movie was supposed to be America's James Bond. Oh, okay. That's was that movie was supposed to be america's james bond oh it was

remo williams was gonna be wow it was actually kind of like the born identity he was a guy who forgot who he was how many american james bonds are there because there's the the born hunt yeah yeah yeah mission impossible oh uh what's the guy, Tom Cruise, not Mission Impossible, but Jack Reacher. He's kind of the new Charlize Theron is supposed to be like a female Vaughn. Was that Atomic Blonde? Yeah. Oh, okay. I had no idea.

Remo Williams, the beginning. Yeah, and the Bourne identity, the beginning. Was it Remo Williams? I think that's what it's called. Remo Williams, the adventure begins. identity at the beginning was it remo williams i think that's what's called remo williams the adventure begins and they had one of those very uh beautifully done he's hanging off of the statue of liberty because it's because that's a cool name ethan hunt is a cool name yeah jason born that's fine that's fine but isn't james bond didn't they didn't ian fleming pick the name

because it sounded so boring yeah yeah yeah yeah it. It was the guy that wrote a book about birds. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's right. James Bond, yeah. And now it's synonymous with sexy good times. I love it. I love it.

Do you love James Bond? I just love sexy good times. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not a massive James Bond fan. You're not a Bond fan? No, but I've seen a lot of them, I guess. Have I seen a lot of them?

I guess I have. They showed, I want to see, we recorded it. It's the Becoming Bond. It's the documentary about George Lazenby. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Inventor of the Lazy Boy. And he, you've seen it?

Yeah. Is it good? Yeah. His story's really interesting, Lazenby. He was a real hustler. He really faked it. He had just been getting modeling work, and then he talked himself into an audition and lied and said he starred in a bunch of German movies. Good for him.

He had never done anything when he got when he got to be james bond wow yeah and is he i don't think i've ever seen that he's only in one right yeah and then he blew it because he like got really into this like a like hippie crew and like grew his hair long and like the james bond producers really wanted him to like look like james bond at public events and he was like no no and they were like you're not was he really yeah oh wow then you're not james bond anymore and he's like oh crap oh crap well at least i have my hippie friends they don't take good care of me, right?

Hippie friends? And they're all, like, gone already? Yeah. Whoosh. It would be, I mean, there was a big flap about whether the world was ready for a blonde bond. I don't know that ever the world will be ready for a long-haired. Yeah. For a hippie bond. A long blonde bond. I don't know that ever the world will be ready for a long haired. For a hippie bond. A long blonde bond.

Do you want to be in my band For Non Bonds? Do you have a Actually that would be a good You get Remo Williams, Ethan Hunt, Jack Reacher, and Jason Bourne. do you have them uh actually that would be a good you get remo williams ethan hunt jack and jason born someone photoshop it up for us yeah that would be one of those good put them all in the dumb like uh cat in the hat hats that that band wore you know when you get sometimes at like

I don't know, Walmart or whatever, it'll be four movies put together that are loosely kind of themed? That would be a great four DVD pack. Oh yeah, yeah. Do you ever do that? Do you ever... Does that ever work? Do you ever say Photoshop this for us and then people do it?

Once in a while. Sometimes people will just take the initiative. I know, because I've made jokes like that on Facebook. Like, I want this. Or, hey, someone do something with this. And then it just shows up an hour later. They're like, wow. I don't know how to Photoshop really, but it's like, what's going on?

These people just have so much time. Yeah, sometimes people will will or take the audio from the show and make a little video of it yeah oh wow yeah and then put it up on youtube or whatever um but yeah sometimes i will photoshop something just because it's a stupid idea that i can't get out of my head yeah and i'm like i need to like, I photoshopped a picture of Ed McMahon with a potato for a head and put starch search. And I was like, I just can't get it out of my head until I actually see it in real life. Starch search. Yeah.

We've all done it. Like a picture of Roz from Frasier, but she's Roz Al Ghul. Yeah. Or Emilio Estevez. Etsy vest. from uh frazier but she's ross al ghul yeah or uh yeah emilio s etsy vest you gotta do it yeah i feel like it's worth figuring out it's worth figuring out just a very cursory yeah understanding of photoshop just so that you can get these things out of your brain. Yeah, well, that's excellent. Yeah. What was the one somebody did where you're wearing sunglasses and it's... Oh, yeah. Currently my profile pic is...

So, I have a weird obsession with a lot of celebrity men, I guess. Yeah, yeah. Mario Lopez. Mario Lopez. Oh, yeah. I've been retweeting Mario Lopez for, like, years. Yeah. And it's always, every time that it happens, I'm like, do I follow Mario Lopez? Oh, no, that's Beth Orton.

Yeah. I just retweet the most boring stuff, because celebrities use Twitter in a weird way, where they don't care at all about being interesting. You know, like they just think that people just want to know what they're doing. And they do, I guess. Yeah, yeah. I guess they do.

It's just as a comedian, I view it differently. Yeah. But I guess people are just like, oh, neat. Yeah, he bought some grapefruit. So he's just always taking the same picture with every person that he interviews on Extra, and it's hilarious to me so anyway the the picture uh is of him and the property brothers who i'm also obsessed with sure yeah and it's just like the three guys like standing around smiling and then somebody

photoshopped uh me took a picture of me in sunglasses and then put them in the sunglasses like like i'm looking at them and they're like reflected in my sunglasses and then put them in the sunglasses like I'm looking at them and they're like reflected in my sunglasses and it's the best. Those Property Brothers, they've got charisma and they're good at what they do and those smiles.

Mario Lopez is an empty vessel. Those Property Brothers, there's something to them, I think. Are they the only two, or is there a third? No, there's a third Property Brother, and he hosts a different show. Oh, I wonder if that's friction time amongst... Yeah, it's called friction time. He does a lot of sanding, he does a lot of things.

You'd be surprised surprised the one really interesting mostly sanding the one interesting thing about mario lopez on twitter anyway is he's like an anti-circumcision crusader or he has been in the past huh so like that's the only opinion i know that he holds sure he doesn't think a beautiful penis should be mangled yeah and uh you know he's seen both of the property brothers penises and uh you know whether or not he approves that's for mario lopez but there's definitely the foreskin cuts down on some of that brotherly friction um just sand it just sand it down a little bit

don't cut it right off just sand it down a bit um i don't what are the property i think i've never seen that show i know who they are to see them one's a real estate guy one's like a fix it guy or contractor guy so they flip houses together oh i see yeah it's the one where it's like a fix-it guy or a contractor guy so they flip houses together oh i see yeah it's the one where it's like weird i think it's love listed weird science yeah weird science is what's the one where they make a girlfriend that's property brothers yeah because love it or listed is in weird science yeah yeah yeah how do they man you how does the woman manifest herself like this is before three printing uh this is so they have a barbie doll have you seen it i have but i don't remember they have a barbie doll that they like kind of do the

frankenstein frankenstein the barbie doll yeah they do and then it's just lightning and barbie and then she she doesn't appear where the the Barbie doll was. The door blows off the hinges and there's all sorts of smoke. If you're looking at this and being like, wait a minute. That's not how science works. Let me explain this to you. This is weird science.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't need to understand or whatever the words are. They just covered it for themselves by calling it weird science. Sure. Yeah. So that any scientist is going to be like, I'm out of here. Oh, wait a minute.

Yeah. If it's weird science, I have no argument. Yeah. Neil deGrasse Tyson has found no problem with this movie. What is the, she throws a party? Is that the big? She throws the party? maybe they throw the part but i feel like like mutant bikers show yeah yeah bikers show up i remember yeah this is all very

vague in my head like i i think i've seen it piecemeal and i i maybe remember the tv show version a little bit yes yes oh but is she's also like a super genius or something. They put like the computer, like they make her brain weird. They make her so that she has their interests. So she's like a genius too. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, that's right. They're geniuses. I guess they are geniuses. If they made a human out of a Barbie geniuses, sorry to cut you off. You were saying something about house flipping shows. Uh,

I don't remember what I was going to ask. I'm more interested in this weird science conversation. The one other thing I love about your Twitter account is your weather reporting. And we should have brought this up when we were talking about weather. Oh, yeah. But every day. Maybe not every day. No, just when I'm really feeling it.

You'll mention that Toronto. If it is too something. You're too hot. Yeah, yeah. Or you're too windy. Yesterday I did a Vancouver you're too hot. Yeah, yeah. Or you're too windy. Yesterday I did a Vancouver, you're too hot. Oh, nice. We're honored.

Yeah. Yeah. Because it was too hot. It was sticky. Yeah. And then for a while on Twitter, you were doing a thing where you were leading up to a tweet about construction. Right. Yeah.

And then. Yeah. Did it ever happen? Yeah. The tweet? Yeah. Oh, the construction tweet about construction. Right. Yeah. And then. Yeah. Did it ever happen? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, the construction tweet did happen. I did eventually do it. Yeah.

Did you have a party for like the unveiling or whatever? It was like a lead up to end all lead up. Yeah. I actually revealed the construction tweet on Sunday Night Live and also online at the same time. Nice. Yeah, yeah. That's how you do it. Yeah.

Simulcast. Yeah, we simulcasted it. Yeah. Does anything get simulcast anymore? Cool. Because I would, like, there used to be, they would show 10 hockey games a year of the 80, and they would be simulcast. Then it would be, you'd be listening to the radio broadcasters on TV.

Oh, yeah, yeah. And they would, you know, the commercials would be wrong for one of them. Right. Like they, if you were listening on the radio, I don't think you would enjoy it as much. Right. Because they were talking about an instant replay. So the commentary was the radio commentary? They broadcast.

It was the same people. Oh, I see. But it was like TV commentary that you were listening to on the radio. On the radio. I remember when I was like a teenager, there was a radio station in Toronto that would play TV shows all night. Like, we'd listen to an episode of Major Dad all the time, just completely on the radio. And it was like, what is this? Yeah, what is this?

And can't we go back to it now? Anyways, I'm thinking about reviving Major Dad just as an audio show. Yeah, I mean, a lot of the jokes were the Major Dad podcast. Oh, I love this idea. I think, you know, I think like a podcast sitcom has been tried.

Yeah. But they didn't have Gerald McRaney. I mean, it would be me in the Gerald McRaney role. And who would be, what was her name, Gunny? I want to say her name was Gunny.

She was like. Yeah. It's like secretary or whatever. Secretary, yeah. Gunny. Gunny. I think we've talked about the CBS Monday Night lineup before and why we were like, as 10-year-olds, being like,

what am I getting out of this? But I'm watching Evening Shade and Murphy Brown and Major Dad I watched a lot of Grace Under Fire oh yeah yeah

oh boy why did I do that yeah well they at least had cute kids yeah that's true

Grace Under Fire Hanging with Mr. Cooper was one where I was like I'm not getting anything out of this but at least it was for you yeah that's true it was it was it was one where i was like i'm not getting anything else but at least it was for you yeah that's true it was it was it was in the right right like uh i remember watching uh annie's evening at the improv and gerald mccraney was the celebrity host what nice yeah

they would have they would have celebrity hosts and they would go up there and try to do jokes. I remember him being really funny, but also being like, why is he funny on here and not on his sitcom? What's going on, Major Dad? That one time I was watching Evening at the Improv and I didn't recognize who the host was. And then he did a few jokes and then he was like, I bet nobody recognizes me. And they're like, like yeah we don't and then he leaves and comes back and he's the san diego chicken oh gerald mcgraney no no i know but uh but it's the guy who does the san diego chicken hosted evening at the improv and like came out like he was a celebrity and it was so weird. That is so weird.

So weird. But he was like infamous at that time for being the funniest mascot. Yeah. Oh, I guess. But what a But like

What a reveal. What a thing to tell everyone that you're the funniest mascot. Like if you showed up at your foursome showed up at the 8th hole

you would love if the San Diego Chicken was there. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's true. He could do the same bit. That guy's hilarious. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Who's funnier? Gerald McRaney or Craig T. Nelson? Oh, Craig T. Nelson is. Yeah. On Coach, he had some really nice like dry humor moments i think yeah coach was also a show that i would watch and be like hmm what am i watching oh i got into coach i like i like dauber i like dauber and yeah and come on yeah they had gary van dyke is a comedy king two doofuses yeah two doofuses you're right. A lot of shows just go one doofus. They double down.

And now Dobber does SpongeBob. He's Patrick. Patrick the Starfish. What an interesting career. Yeah. You say now. Are they still making it? Yeah, I think they're still making SpongeBob. I think you're right. Or if they don't, it still pervades.

It's still the standard bearer for yeah yeah huh for that for yeah whatever it is they do but yeah was there wasn't there a lot of stuff on coach and major dad where it was just like two parents trying to like figure out their relationship yeah yeah yeah some of that and it was it was yeah i was like i don't know i don't know who i'm supposed to be rooting for here i know he's screwed up and she's mad yeah he's got to make it up to her well i was watching those parts being like when's dauber gonna show up bring dauber back yeah i remember as a kid thinking like,

why don't they just make a show around the guy who's the funny guy? But then that would have been... Joey. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Can you imagine a spinoff that was just Dauber? Well, actually, now that I'm saying it.

God, don't tempt me. Yeah. Living with Dauber. Living with Dauber and Jerry Van Dyke and all the crazy troubles they get into. They should put like two random

people together like Dauber and Joey. Oh. From different universes. Yeah, or like Belky and Dauber. Why not? Yeah, why not

Belky and Dauber? Honestly. Like, I'm, you know. At this point, why not? They're trying everything. Yeah trying everything yeah the league of extraordinary doofuses yeah the amazing oh who would be in that league so for sure dauber for sure jolly bulky i mean urkel uh yeah but he was super smart he's got the same kind of doofus, yeah. Yeah. Woody from Cheers.

The Ghost of Coach. Ghost of Coach. Phoebe, also from Friends. Yeah. Kramer? Yeah. I don't know. Is he?

Yeah, he's a doofus. Yeah. He's a hipster doofus. That's what they called him, yeah. Right. Yeah. I recently watched a couple episodes of his show that he got after Seinfeld. Was he a PI? Yeah. I recently watched a couple episodes of his show that he got after Seinfeld. Was he a PI?

Yeah. He was a PI. Him and Tim Meadows, right? Yeah. And he was basically Kramer PI. Like, that's what they should have just gone all in and said, okay, Kramer now owns a detective agency because that's what it was. Yeah. But he was trying to do

another character. It was really hard to watch. Yeah, I remember it being hard to watch. The old Seinfeld curse, right guys? Yeah. Except for Larry David and Julia Louis-Joy.

And Seinfeld. Seinfeld's fine. Jason Alexander, for example, George Costanza is one of the And I knew what Julia was. And Seinfeld. That's fine. Yeah. Jason Alexander, for example, like George Costanza is one of the greatest characters of all time. Yeah. But I can't stand Jason Alexander as a guy. When I see him interviewed, when I see him in anything else, he can only be George. Have you noticed that he sometimes wears a toupee now?

Yeah. Yeah. And no one says anything yeah what's going on with that it's not like a hat i don't think you like like yeah you can't just be today i feel like leaving the house with this thing that i oh did you get plugs no i take it right off yeah yeah i mean yeah you either do have to be bald or commit to the toupee. Yeah. Pretend that it's every. Or the plugs or whatever.

Yeah. I mean, or do you in this, in the crazy. I guess nothing matters anymore. Yeah. Yeah. You can do whatever you want. Yeah. Um, Dave, what's going on with you, man?

Oh, guys. Yes. Here's a couple of things going on with me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to tell you about a couple of things going on with me yeah yeah yeah i'm gonna tell you about a couple situations where i was wronged oh okay yeah but i ended up feeling

like i was a jerk uh a couple weeks ago i was uh driving with abby um yeah abby was working that day and so i had the kids and one of them was at daycare, and I was driving with the seven-month-old, and I went grocery shopping, and so I went to the grocery store. I found a great spot, and I decided I was going to back my car into it. Right. And so I'm backing up, I'm looking over my shoulder, and this guy, this old man, not enfeebled, but just isn't paying any attention and walks right in my parking spot. Like I could have run him over. Right.

And he just wasn't paying any attention. And I looked at him and I was like, Hey, and then he noticed what he was doing wrong. Right. And by standing in a parking spot, but like where someone is backing in and you know, they have to check all their blind spots and stuff. It's, it's, it's not like you're going in forward. Right. And he notices that he's screwed up.

And so what he does is he pretends like this was what he was going to do the whole time. And he starts using his hands to wave me into the spot. Wow. Like, all right, buddy, here you go. This is like a Mentos commercial. Yeah. Wow. He's like, i know what i'll do and i i waved back at him get out of here old man and then and then i saw him later in the grocery store and i avoided him because i he was waving somebody somebody putting away melons.

Yeah. Come on, bag it in. Um, yeah, it's, uh, do you have, uh, you don't have the cam, the camera? No. And I, like, I see sometimes, you know, you'll get a rental car with the camera. Yeah. I don't trust it. I don't trust it. When I was doing, uh, when I was doing driving lessons when I was 16, he said, when you're going backwards, you always look back.

You never look at your mirrors. You can look at your mirrors when you're stopped. But while you're traveling backwards, you look backwards. And I don't think people do that. No, I've seen people backing up and they're looking down at their dashboard. So that's 100% confidence in this camera or maybe it's a gps like i know i'm a couple couple inches two feet away from where i need to be are you uh do you drive no i mean yeah i know how to drive i just don't have a car in toronto uh have you ever

used one of them cameras to back up? Yes. Trust them? Not completely. No, I would also check. Yeah, because they have, I feel like it's that sort of like, I'm turning the wheel right, but I'm going left, that kind of thing.

I think that if you get used to it, that it should work. It is just giving you the view. Yeah, I think that if you get used to it, that it should work. It is just giving you the view. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A camera should work better than a mirror would because it gives you a more full view. But it's also got red lines or yellow lines. It does.

It gives you a little kind of chart that you're like, okay, now you've got to move this way and that way. I don't know. I saw I was in a car that somebody parked using that exclusively recently, and I thought it was pretty weird. So the other thing where I was kind of the bad guy, where someone was in my spot was yesterday. At the beginning of the baseball season, I bought tickets to two games For my wife and my two children And so there's three seats

But yesterday Abby decided She was going to stay home with Poppy And so I just took Margo Just the two of us With these three seats to ourselves And we took the bus Because someone had mentioned the bus And Margo was very excited to take it

Did it live up to her expectations it was good and it gets you pretty close to the stadium sure yeah yeah um and so but like a block away from the stadium she was like can you pick me up so i picked her up carried her i'm drenched in sweat yeah i got a backpack on with like extra diapers and uh we go in it's very crowded it's very hot i get a hot dog and some fries and a drink and and like i'm balancing some ketchup on top of it yeah and i get to our seats and there's a guy there's people in all of our seats all three of our seats for the two of us yeah and so i have to put my stuff down get my ticket out i spill my drink on my pants oh boy and i pull out my ticket and i say to the guy you're in my seat and he doesn't

say anything to me just looks at me and i'm like well i need i need to sit there he didn't think this i didn't even i didn't even it was the bottom of the first inning it's not like people were we were halfway through the game and people were like well no one's showing up so uh he doesn't say anything to me and i didn't even say i think these are my c-sides you're in my seat yeah yeah so he gets up he's paralyzed on half of his body oh boy so i make this paralyzed guy move the reason he didn't say anything to me couldn't talk couldn't talk wow oh wow that's that's like he should still be in the right seat no well like what am i supposed to do yeah and then the he's not with the other people there's other people in our other seats oh so he that's so you have to ask more people to move.

You're also in my seat. In their defense, someone had bought like 20 tickets and no one knew the beginning. Oh, wow. But that's straight out of Curb Your Enthusiasm. Yeah. You mentioned that she got

excited about the bus. Uh-huh. Somebody mentioned the bus. I took, uh, my niece and nephew when they, uh, they live in the suburbs. Uh, so whenever they come hang out with us in the, in the city, we like to take them on public transit because they get excited about it. Right? Yeah. Yeah.

At one time we were taking the bus and my, uh, niece was so excited about it that she wrote a song. We had to transfer to a bus, and she just started singing, Time to get on another bus. I wonder what it'll feel like. I bet that it will feel so great. Oh, wow. And I was like nobody feels that way about the bus

nobody remember this feeling it was like she was so like Marga's been on the bus maybe twice before but she loves it especially cause like

she's not going during rush hour it's the middle of the day no one's in a hurry there's plenty of seats yeah the thing that i've seen everyone's nice to her yeah i've seen kids uh mostly boys uh because on the bus there's all sorts of things you can hold on to and uh boy oh boy do they turn that into a jungle gym but fast like they're just trying to do like the thing where you're holding on to two uh boy oh boy do they turn that into a jungle gym butt fast like they're just trying to do like the thing where you're holding on to two bars and then you flip backwards flip forwards oh they're having something i've noticed in vancouver taking the bus is that uh a lot of people say thank you to the driver yeah i've never been a fan of that

no i mean i've i like you did your job great i did my job great yeah i just sat there quietly i wasn't a nuisance yeah let's call it a draw yeah i paid you uh yeah a lot of people and also i don't know if it's it happens in toronto but like where you say hello to the bus driver when you get on but a lot of people do that yeah as well yeah it's a very we're trying to be cordial yeah as much as possible yeah yeah but boy oh boy kids yeah they although i did say yesterday because i had a kid with me i was like thank you yeah like teaching that yeah but uh that's so funny that kids love the transit. Do you think Tayo plays into that at all? Well, everything she watches, there's buses in it.

Yeah, Tayo's a magical talking bus. A magical Korean bus. Yeah. Daniel Tiger takes a little trolley. Oh, sure. Oh, so these characters are all public transit users. What about Peppa Pig? They got a car?

Yeah, oh, they got a car. But she's been on a double-decker, sure. Pigs have cars, come on. You know what? Still get a giddy thrill out of going on a double-decker. Going up the tiny little staircase up to the top. Yeah, if I go on a double-decker, I'm having a good time. Do they still have them in Victoria?

They do. Yeah, when I was there visiting my grandmother and i was like you know what i'm not gonna take a taxi i'm gonna take this double decker bus out to the ferry ah so good i still love taking ferries oh really yeah i'm excited about being on a boat anytime we were on the aqua bus yesterday that's a that's a cute aqua bus yeah yeah and then we saw uh joebecue Boat. You know about this? No. What?

Are you, is that where you're performing this weekend? I wish. But literally, we might rent it on Monday. But Joe's Barbecue Boat is like, it's like an inner tube or something. Like, it's a circular boat, not very big, with a barbecue in the middle. And you rent it, and it's for up to eight people, and you get it for two and a half hours and you drive around and cook your own food. Is there someone who,

who drives it? You're driving it. Yeah. Boy, that sounds a lot. You just drive it through the creek there or whatever. Yeah. I didn't know.

I didn't know we had that. Yeah. I saw that and I was like, that is so crazy. We should do that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Treat, that is so crazy. We should do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Treat yourself after doing this gig. Take that gig money. Take it from barge to barge.

So, yeah. Busting baseball and kicking people out of my spot. Yeah. And telling an old man off. Get out of here. Oh, here's a weird thing that happened to me at a grocery store this week. We have a new

discount grocery store around the corner from our house, and we just went there for the first time, and there were some very colorful people that go there. This one woman started yelling at Joe Stevens. Who's that? I don't know yet.

But she just started saying, Joe Stevens. Who's that? I don't know yet. But she just started saying, just started saying, Joe Stevens, I can't believe you're showing your face here again. After what you did to my mother. Love it. After what you did to my mother. But let me tell you,

this grocery store, this Food Basics, was open for three days when we went to it. Food Basics. Food Basics is what it's called. I love it. It was open for three days when we went to it. Food Basics. Food Basics is what it's called. I love it. It was open for three days when we went to it. So I was thinking, what do you mean?

How could you show your face here again? Again. You did something to her mother here on day one? On day one. Yeah. But she was just yelling and yelling. And then I was like, like with my wife and i was like check this out and then i look over and i'm just grinning at this scene yeah and then uh she

she's like oh oh i see your face you're loving this and then i was like oh my god she thinks i'm joe stevens she was yelling at me what did I do on day one? What did I do to her mother? Never been to this food basics. Food basics. I think that's my new favorite grocery store name. Yeah, that's a good. Food.

And basics. Food basics. No food fancies. Yeah, I mean, no frills is a pretty good name for a grocery store. Yeah, but this is a step down from frills. Really? Food basics. Okay.

No, but even in the title, it's like, not only are there no frills, we're going right to basics. Yeah. The elements of food. Yeah, sure. Yeah, we've got flour. Well, you've got to grind your own wheat here. But we do have a stone over in the corner

we've got a mill that you can put your wheat in so Graham what's going on with you so last week we were talking with a guest DJ Demers and he was talking about how he's really getting into bowling

he's actually going once a week and he wants to become like good at bowling okay that we say last week that was two days ago yeah yeah i wonder what's happened in the past two days i have you signed up to a monthly bowling nope uh but i uh the other night something i've always wanted to be good at but i'm not good at is uh pool right so i went to the legion uh and they have like 25 cent pool so you could just try try uh all night long and so i uh tried my hand at it i am so bad at pool and i feel like every time i played pool i've been also drinking and this time i was like i'm just going in i'm gonna buy a coke and i'm just gonna get down to work at the pool table and boy i was even worse without the drinking then oh yeah oh man like i don't know i don't know i know how to break

that's about it everything else is like i'm just way guessing i know how to put them all in the little triangle i mean as long as it doesn't matter which ones go where yeah exactly if they have to be in some sort of stripe solids order oh i don't know how to do that i like to put a bunch of balls in a triangle and just leave yeah some of them are tennis balls. Magic 8 ball. But yeah, I was just, I was, I was a little bit shocked at how terrible I was at pool. Like I always knew I wasn't great, but, but I found out that I'm actually quite terrible at it. So I don't know if it's something, I don't know if it's something that I want to get better at that bad. Yeah.

Oh no. Well, it's, um, like it's one of these things like bowling to get good at it. You have to spend a lot of time in a bad place. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. Yeah. Like bowling or standup comedy.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You have to spend a lot of time in probably not... Although this Legion's really nice. Sure. But do you need to know stuff? Geometry or physics or something?

Because it's obviously not just... It's not like ping pong where you're just trying to hit it back. Right. You can put a little spin on it. Yeah. A little English. To doctor the spin. What time is it?

Thank you. Did you ever go to someone's house and they had a pool table in the basement? Yes. And you were like like you thought it was the coolest thing yeah yeah but i don't know that it was we had a pool table in our basement for a while did you ever do it uh we got so excited about when we first had it and then there was it was just covered in stuff yeah to that you know what i mean oh yeah the first couple months and then it was like man pool table is taking up a lot of the basement and also do you need uh to have like a proper light hanging above

the pool table i feel like that's part of the oh that's sort of like stained glass yeah yeah the fancy light anyways i just like but i'm like the only reason to get good at pool or bowling is for the one time a year that you go and then you can show everybody how good you are by the way i'm good at pool yeah and everybody goes huh it feels yeah anyway so i'm undecided whether or not I'm going to travel down this road and become really, really good at pool. To what end? Same with darts. Parlor games. These are parlor games.

What about air hockey? I was always bad at air hockey. Air hockey, I feel, is very... That's also more social. Isn't it just like we're having fun? It's air hockey. Or bubble hockey as well. Bubble hockey, at feel, is very... That's also more social, right? Like, isn't it just like we're having fun, it's air hockey? Or bubble hockey as well. Bubble hockey, at least you have to...

It's like foosball. You need to... There's so many rods you need to... Yeah. To touch. I feel... But air hockey, you're just... You just got the one thing.

Yeah. You really just need to move it back and forth. I feel like that's the most basic of them. It's basic. It can get sort of violent, too. Oh, sure. You can smash it. But there aren't, like, air hockey hustlers, you know?

It's not a scary world. Yeah. A guy who brings his own. He's a goalie. Yeah. He can paddle. What would you call that thing? I don't know.

I was trying to think. It's not a paddle, but it, like... What is it? I'm Googling air hockey equipment because i need to know what that word is air hockey i'd call it a blocker yeah i'm going i think blockers oh strikers so i guess because you also like shoot it with an air hockey strike yeah and then you unzip it from it because you. I don't know if you've ever seen these guys, but on Main Street, there's a pool hall. And there's kind of, there's like a, must be a tournament night, because there will be certain nights where they just see all these guys walking around with their own pool cube in a fancy case.

The kind you screw together? That seems like it would be worse than the one piece one that they already have. Although, like, somebody I remember once who was, like, good at pool was, we went to a pool hall and he did a thing where he rolled the pool cue on the table to see if it was warped. And 100% of them were like, whibbity-whibbity-whibbity. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So he... Have you ever watched pool on tv yeah great exciting sport do you know what snooker is uh and how it's different yes well what's yeah there's uh it's there's all these red balls yeah and you have to like uh i think you have to sink a red ball and then uh

and then the ball that you do every time oh really i think so or maybe you clear the red balls and then you go after the other balls i don't know i know that man i was confidently yeah you were you really sold us and i backed out on it so i know i know a snooker table i think you have to clear the red balls and then go like one to eight. And you have to wear a sparkly vest. Yeah. I mean, it helps. Like a magician.

Have you watched darts at all? I have. There's a real movement with these guys wearing like real flashy outfits and having like crazy dyed hair yes yeah yeah like they haven't watched it recently oh yeah that's not your yeah right it is your grandfather's darts your grandfather's dyed hair for sure

yeah darts was never i was never a thing that i like in terms of like pub activity yeah darts was never a thing that i i think i did it once i was like i suck at this we had a dartboard at my house and that was another thing of like well i am damaging the wall i am not good enough at this people are getting mad at me so i'm just gonna Yeah, and I feel like, have you ever thrown a dart and it just doesn't, the pointy bit doesn't even go? It just goes flush. That's a bad moment where it's like, oh boy, you don't know what you're doing at all. Are you any good at darts? No.

No. No. I'm not very good at anything. Oh, stop it. Don't you beat up on my friend Pat. But certainly not anything like... no I'm not very good at anything but oh stop Pat stop it don't you beat up on my friend Pat but certainly not anything

like athletic in any way not that darts is very athletic but it requires like hand coordination and like

yeah those guys all shower together after the hair dye is just running there was a guy I got picked up so much hair dye is just running all over. There was a guy, I got picked up. So much hair dye circling a drain. All these different colors.

Always makes some kind of brown. I got picked up by a cab driver the other day, and I thought he was wearing a turban, but it was just the blackest dyed hair wow oh wow that's you're not like shoe polish yeah it's not uh it's not doesn't blend in with anything it looks like you have a layer of gray around your your ears oh it might have been a toupee actually oh yeah yeah just like a jet black helmet of hair. Now, the other thing that's going on is many moons ago, Dave put out a call.

He brought out the Stop Podcasting Yourself signal, shone it up at the sky, said, send me your mustard. And boy, did people, not only did we get, we got fancy mustards. And boy, do people not only did we get. We got fancy mustards, but we got a whole bunch. There's a whole cavalcade of things here that you got. So I sent out a tweet maybe two months ago. Yeah. And then rementioned it on the show. Someone had sent most turds.

Yeah. As a funny joke. As a funny joke. But they were real mustards. But still, we we did not care for that. Wow. People a funny joke. As a funny joke, but they were real mousetards. But still, we did not care for that joke. Wow. People gave you mustard? Yeah, in Winnipeg. In Winnipeg.

What were those two mustards? There was one that was like a raspberry something. Really? No, it was like maybe a cranberry. Oh, yeah. And the other one was like a Dijon curry. Right. So now this first thing is not a mustard,

but this gentleman sent us a bunch of stuff from the Southwest. Am I supposed to read things? Yeah, you could. I mean, they all came with this. That's a candle that somebody sent, so that's not mustard as well. There's also a lot of not mustard in here. What's all this? That's a candle that's not mustard as well. There's also a lot of not mustard in here. What's all this? That's a candle that's shaped like a pie,

and that goes with that. Thank you, Danielle. Yeah, and that's from Newfoundland. I mean, that's cool. It is very cool. But it's so far from being a mustard. I think this was, Daniel was sending it saying like,

we'd love if you came out to Newfoundland. Oh, okay. And this is, this is a, this is a candle. So, so, oh,

me. Yeah. Greg from New Mexico has sent us all this, this, yeah. Southwestern green chili pecan brittle. We are getting further from mustard. But I think he also did send, uh, pecan brittle. And getting further from mustard but i think he also did send uh

and yeah pignon brittle wow it's we got one mustard so far yeah and this is also i'm guessing this is uh from the south the southwest yes yeah that's uh that's uh greg's uh like a maybe a really spicy mustard the thing is i'll be honest i don't really like mustard the thing i'm searching for is something that doesn't taste so much so mustardy right but i think that this this is a uh a chili mustard it's a both a sauce and a dip oh wow yeah we Maybe we can do a taste test on another episode Yeah yeah Frankly I'm gonna need to buy some sausage Yeah yeah

Yeah this has got You know This has got lots of chili peppers in it Ed from Philadelphia Sent a black truffle mustard That'll be I'll try that Yeah truffle mustard

I'll try anything once. Twice if you like it, right? And then other people just suggested stuff on Twitter. That's not what I'm asking. No, someone said the President's Choice Russian mustard was good. I also just got some Ikea mustard, which is probably closest to what I

want. And what's this? I'm not sure what that is. this have a card uh oh these are okay these are books these look like children's books they might be children's books for your uh for your child oh well this this is great yeah um but i don't yeah there we go and this is from uh oh this is from frida um i can't read it all, but she's Swedish. Yeah, Frida from Sweden. Tusen takk.

So, yeah, these are some nice kids' children's books. Yeah, well, I think they're English. Okay. But, you know, Margot's got to learn Swedish at some point. I want a Swedish mustard, but I've sent me the books of the country. One is by Sven Nordqvist yep one is by Lina

and Olaf Landström and one is by Anna Clara Tidholm there you go so all the what is this one called is Palm and Palm and Pim

Palm and Pim yeah oh I like that when Findus was little and disappeared and knock knock knock when Find When Findus was little and disappeared. And knock, knock, knock. When Findus? Findus.

Oh, yeah. Excellent. So pretty good. This is like. This is a pretty good bounty. Yeah, this is like Christmas. Our table. I hope they find Findus.

I hope it doesn't end with him disappearing. When Findus was little and disappeared. Do you want me to skip to the end? Please. Please. Yeah, yeah. What happens to Findus was little and you want me to skip to the end? Please. Please. Yeah, yeah. What happens to Findus? No!

Oh, no! Oh, everyone's mourning. Children's books are all about mourning. I say it's like Christmas because it's, we have this table full of stuff now.

Yeah. Mustards and sauces and books. Oh, my. And a pie candle. Yeah. Yeah. It smells really nice. I'm sure.

Foggy island candles. And, yeah, you'll have to try this brittle. I'm curious to live vicariously through. You can't eat any nuts. No, no. Or can you have piñon? I don't know what piñon is, but I'm going to stay away from it. Oh eat any nuts. No, no. But can you have piñon? I don't know what piñon is, but I'm going to stay away from it.

Oh, pine nuts. Ah, classic. Well, you guys are going to have to try it and tell me what's the deal. Sure. Yeah. Should we move on to a little bit of business? Yeah, Daddy-O.

Life can be fun. Don't get carried away. You got to do the things you don't want to do to get through the day You gotta shine your shoes You gotta sweep the floor You gotta clean your house You gotta do some more

Take care of business Guys, business is pleasure for us. Yeah, yeah, that's true. And they say never to mix the two, but it just happens naturally. Do they say never to? They say don't dip your pants in the company ink. They definitely say that. And don two, but it just happens naturally. Do they say never to? They say don't dip your pants in the company ink. They definitely say that.

And don't get higher on your own supply. Yeah, yeah. But I think people do mix business with pleasure. Sure. Why not? Now, if you're in a business. Uh-huh. And you want to pleasure yourself.

Don't. HR will tell you to. But I mean in terms of, you know, job posting. Nice. Remove the headache and increase the pleasure ache. Yeah. Now, if you're trying to find somebody to fill a position, it's a real trouble because you've got to put up postings on all these different websites. You don't have that kind of time, you're in business

and business is pleasure and if you want to feel maximum pleasure here we go head over to ZipRecruiter where you can post your job to 100 plus job sites with just

one click now say you work in some kind of pleasure center. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A pleasure dome. Yeah, and you need to hire a pleasurer. Yeah, yeah. Or just somebody who knows the ancient secrets of pleasure. Oh, sure.

Someone who knows all the... Pleasure points? Yeah. I guess if you're overheating you put a ice pack on your pleasure point yeah yeah yeah um now if you are in a business and you need to hire somebody you can find out today why zip recruiter has been used by businesses of all sizes big medium small tiny. Big, medium, small, tiny. Teeny, teeny.

Gargoyle John. Ugh. And right now, our listeners can post jobs on ZipRecruiter for free. That's right, free. Just go to ZipRecruiter.com slash stop. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash stop. One more time, to try it for free, go to ziprecruiter.com slash stop. Now let's move on over herds. Are you sad and confused about world politics? Worried about the upcoming inevitable nuclear war?

Or maybe a rat is living in your house. There's a rat living in my house. How do you get rid of a rat from a house? Why not immerse yourself in a completely fictional imagined podcast for the beef and dairy industries? It works for me. The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is the number one podcast for those involved or just interested in the production of beef animals and dairy herds. Don't worry, it's funnier than it sounds. Find us at beefanddairynetwork.com or maximumfun.org or wherever you get your podcasts from. Oh God, there's the rat. Oh God. podcast from. Oh god, there's the rat. Oh god. Mugs, shirts, stickers, patches,

tanks, and more are yours for the purchasing at maxfundstore.com. Hey, you already love the podcasts, so why not take this to the next level and outfit your home and bod with our merch. maxfundstore.com. Because if you have to wear a shirt, it should be one of ours. Overheard. Overheard's a segment in which we hear things out there in the world, or see things, whoops. Or smash our microphones. Or smash our microphones. And we always like to start with the guest. Do you have an overheard to ring him the New Year with?

The one at the grocery store was pretty good. That was practically an overheard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was the name of the grocery store again? Food Basics? Food Basics, yeah. Food Basics and Joe Stevens. But recently, one of my wife's favorite pastimes

is eavesdropping, particularly eavesdropping on teens. Oh, yeah. She really likes to keep up on what's going on with teens and how they're talking. Sure. Good for her. So I was on the bus with her one day, and she was like, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh And then we got one of my new favorite phrases out of it, which is somebody was saying that they didn't like somebody's new boyfriend. They're like, that guy's dirt shit. I'll take that.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, man. I mean, what's lower than dirt? Dirt shit. Dirt shit. Oh, man. That guy's dirt shit. I love it.

That's a great one. Yeah, that's really, I mean, you know what? The kids are all right. If they're coming up with things like that, I feel confident about the future. Of slams. Slams and burns. Speaking of burns, in the break, Pat and I tried some of this pignon brittle. Yeah.

Is your mouth still ablaze? Still a little hot, yeah. yours yeah yeah yeah yeah you even went back for seconds and the moment i put it in my mouth i said why did i do this yeah but it's really uh a spicy yeah it's not it's not you know i'm not sweating out of my face how many alarms alarms? What's the level? I think five is five alarm. Two alarm. Two alarm. Wait, what's one alarm? Is milk one alarm? Yeah, I think milk, you've just tasted something with one alarm.

I think milk is four alarm. This is five alarm. Milk is a really weird scale. It like water just breathing just nothing is one alarm yeah dreaming is too alarm yeah water's three milk is four and then the hottest chili in the world is five and this is a 4.2 um do you have one over here? You know I do

This is from the baseball game yesterday And uh Vancouver has this I'd say it's 5,000 seat Minor league baseball field And uh It's you know 80 years old I don't know

But it's got old timey everything. the concession stands have exactly what you would want from a baseball concession stand. Nothing else really. Do they have peanuts? They have peanuts. Oh, they have peanuts, buddy.

Popcorn, peanuts, lemonade, beer. Cracker Jack? I don't know. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Because that's one of the lists.

That's from the song. Yeah. But this woman was in line in front of me as I was going to get a hot dog and fries. And it was an older woman, and I'm guessing her daughter. And the daughter was like, I think they only have this type of food uh i i have some carrot sticks in my purse like uh really uh i'm sorry i know that i promised you a healthy yeah i know we came to the baseball field thinking we would have a garden salad yeah you could put a carrot inside a hot dog bun.

Yeah. And then that's kind of fun. They might have sushi. Oh, yeah. Because that's a big, they have the sushi races, so. Oh, the day you were there, did they have the sushi race? They have them every day. Really?

I think so. What's a sushi race? They get people, well, there's these sushi costumes, big like foam rubber, you know. It's not people making sushi as fast no no no soy sauce guy you'd be right to assume yeah yeah they just dress like sushi and run yeah okay and who's the one that people say cheats is it wasabi always cheats i don't know i've heard people say that wasabi is a cheater. What's wasabi? Like four alarms? I only had wasabi

I think once and I remember thinking thinking that it was some sort of avocado thing. I just took the whole thing. Have you had horseradish? Yeah, horseradish is nice. Yeah, it's like that. It took me a long time to get into horseradish but I'm into it now.

What do you put it on? What's your favorite horseradish? I like it, it's like that. Yeah. Took me a long time to get into horseradish, but I'm into it now. Yeah. Yeah. What do you put it on? What's your favorite horseradish? I like it on a burger or something. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. I've never tried it. I don't have it at home, but I'll order it if somebody has a burger with a horseradish on it. Yeah. Like a restaurant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just somebody on the street.

Man, what do you got in your pocket there? A horse radish? I'll have some of that. Can I order that from you? Just a guy who thinks every interaction is ordering. I'm going to order a 911 for this guy who fell over. Do you eat regular radishes? Very rarely.

But they have a bit of heat to them. Yeah, for a thing that just comes out of the ground? Yeah. Is that one alarm? Is that one alarm? That might be one alarm. Is that under an alarm? Like horseradish, what would you say?

That's two? Or wasabi? Yeah, horseradish isn't bad. Wasabi is hot. That's like milk hot. See, you're thinking wasabi is uh like a four like a four yeah maybe horseradish is a one yeah what's uh sauerkraut that's not hot that's sour yeah i was trying to think about burning your tongue on uh some soup

two alarms um what's your overheard, my friend? My overheard is it was at a bar, and the movie that was being shown behind the bar was Forrest Gump. And the two guys sitting next to me, one of them said, oh, man, I got to say, Forrest Gump, that's in my top five films. And his friend said said never heard of it and then he goes you've never heard of

Forrest Gump and he goes oh I thought you said horoscope horoscope gotta be my top five we're both sitting there watching Forrest Gump do you mean Zodiac? yeah top five um who's the bad guy in for a

scope um aids yeah implied off-screen aids yeah implied off-screen aids i think is the bad guy also just the passage of time sure yeah also people who underestimate simple folks like that also kind of jenny sometimes jenny yeah sometimes jenny was uh dirt shit yeah there are parts in that movie where she's dirt shit she was kind of dirt shit come on jenny that's dirt but she's damaged she's so damaged oh yeah i i thought of another overheard when you go baseball game uh this happened a while ago we were at in uh at wrigley field but uh there was we're watching a game against the pirates and there was a um a group of pirates fans behind us so drunk pirates fans and everybody in our section hated them but since we like

aren't really cubs fans we loved it you know you loved it and they were like just uh this one woman was drunk out of her mind and she was like cheering the whole time but like really like over sexualizing everything like like she would be like go on strike them out baby yeah everything had baby and everything was like, baby. Like, do like a regular cheer, and then go, baby. I love that you said she was over-sexualizing everything. Nothing should be sexualized at all in a baseball cheer. I guess just sexualizing everything. Hit it for me, baby.

Yeah. Yeah. Swing it. Get him out, baby. Toss it around the horn. Now, we also have overheard sent in to us from people around the world. If you want to send one in, you can send it in to SBY at MaximumFun.org. And this first one comes from Josh in Madison, Wisconsin.

I was at a small craft fair in the small town of Tomahawk in northern Wisconsin. There was a booth that sold wind chimes and random tchotchkes. A woman turned to the man next to her and said, I'm glad John didn't come. He hates wind chimes. Can you imagine being a guy? I mean, I don't love them when I hear them. I hear, like, if I hear them off in the distance, they're nice. I don't want to live next to somebody who's got wind chimes.

No. I don't want wind chiming all day. Yeah. I don't, I think I'm like John who hates wind chimes, but I wouldn't mind going to a place where you expect, it's when you need silence and you just hear that clink. But people, John hates wind chimes so much. How much does he hate them?

That people, like, talk about it and get stressed out when there are wind chimes. Yeah, like, exactly. Like, he would have ruined their whole day. He lets people know

how much he hates wind chimes. Like, Mariah Carey sends a guy a day ahead before she arrives at the hotel to make sure there's no wind chimes around. Yeah, yeah. And like if they texted him like, hey, John, guess what's here? Wind chimes. He'd be like, thank fuck I didn't come.

Hey, John, clink, clink, dingle, dingle. I did like a corporate comedy thing that was like Family Feud. We had to play Family Feud against a bunch of mascots. It was really weird. Like the Pizza Pizza mascot and the Blue Jays and it was really weird. So they could talk or they couldn't talk? They could talk. It was dumb. It was dumb. And it was hosted by

Joe Flaherty who didn't know the rules of Family Feud. And it was the strangest night of my life. But there was a woman there who was put on our team and hated us and she was an old like cbc radio comedian and like the big thing yeah uh who could it be uh the big thing i don't know if i should say her name no the big thing was that uh that everybody was concerned because there were balloons at this event and she specifically said

for there not to be balloons. That she hates balloons. I think she's like really scared of them popping or something. And then they were like they were like, well, oh no, there's balloons. Playing a game show against mascots.

She actually left because she didn't like the way we were joking because we were like just being idiots. This is like 10 years ago. And she left her sweater there on the Family Feud set and then had to come back all mad and get her sweater still during Family Feud. It was amazing. I'm reminded of those like Maury Povich where the woman's afraid of cotton, and they just build a suit out of cotton balls and have a guy come out. Was that one of the mascots? Yeah, he's just from cotton.

He's the mascot of Maury? There was a... That reminds me of, like, I don't remember where this was. uh, uh, that reminds me of like, I don't remember where this was. It was at a comedy club and they were,

it was being taped for TV and the host of the show was Adam West. Yeah. And they were, they said to all the comedians before the show, like everything is fair play, but you cannot mention Batman. And so the, uh, Adam West goes out.

Not everything's fair play at all. That's what everyone wants to mention. Don't tell a room full of comedians. the one thing they're not allowed to say. Yeah, of course. And so the first comic went out and Adam West introduced him. He comes out and he goes, you're secret safe with me, Superman. Very good. Yeah.

Skated around the one rule. So we pre-taped these episodes quite a ways in advance. And what do you think Adam West is up to now? I think he's fine. I think he'll be fine. I think he's fine. This next one comes from, I don't know who, oh, Lou is her name. Lou, L-O-O, Lou.

Whoa. Like the, yeah. No, I don't want to say it. From Logan, Utah. I overheard my new favorite sentence today. Had to share from a friend's roommate's phone conversation. Yeah, she said I can have the iguana as soon as i quit drinking the key is to stay motivated and uh to have a goal in mind excellent um it's probably a good policy to not be a heavy drinker yeah have an iguana you can be a little drunken around

around an iguana right as long as the iguana is drunk too sure so that you both are on equal footing and if the iguana says something it wants to take back you'll be like i forgot about it already we were both drunk um sure i didn't know where i was going with it when i started talking but i got there but thanks uh this last one comes from mariana from ottawa as i walked into shoppers drug mart i passed by a teenage girl in a graduate's cap and gown holding a diploma standing beside a teenage guy while they both looked at the parking lot girl said i mean shamina and tanya were like family to me and the boy said yeah family as in like You can never count on them for anything That was a real Angsty teen moment That was witnessed at the old

And I mean, why are you still in the cap and gown And free drinks Are you supposed to throw off the cap At the very least I, uh We didn't wear caps and gowns for my high school graduation I didn't attend my university graduation. And then when I went to broadcasting school, I wore the cap and gown and I'm the only one who threw the cap.

And like of the whole school, which had all these different departments and programs, thousands of people, one hat. Very good. Uh, yeah, we didn't have cap and gown at our high school or university. You, cap and gown ever? Yeah, high school, cap and gown.

Throw it in the air? Yeah. That's pretty good. There were about five of us that did it. Really good. I think that would be a good name for a pub. The cap and gown. The cap and gownown. The Cap and Gown, sure. And then at the end of the night, everybody gets a cap, gets to throw it in the air. Then the bar's closed. Or it's like one of those...

You get a diploma on your way home, too. Yeah. Most drunk. Yay! One of those fancy restaurants where you have to wear a jacket. Oh, you didn't bring one? Well, we have some in the bag. Yeah, yeah.

Come into our cloakroom. Oh, you didn't bring a cap and gown some in the bag yeah yeah come into our cloak room and then oh you didn't bring a cap and gown no no i brought it's in the car i'll be right back in addition to overheards that are written and we also accept your phone calls and if you want to call us there's no shame in it is the thing uh so you don't have to be afraid that we're going to you know come and get you we're good guys yeah yeah and the phone number is this one it's 1-844-779-7631 or one ugh spy pod one hi dave and graham and probable guest this is elizabeth in port. I'm calling with an overheard. I was just in line at my local grocery outlet, bargain market, purchasing some snacks. And a checker was talking to the person in front of me.

And he was telling anecdotes about the martial arts class for kids that he teaches. And he said, yeah, the other day I put on the Amazing Spider-Man Part 2, and you won't believe it. They all chopped boards. Chopped boards. Yeah, I don't remember that in the Amazing Spider-Man Part 2. Which one is the Amazing Spider-Man Part 2?

The one with Paul Giamatti? The one with Jamie Foxx. But who's the Spider-Man? Garfield. Garfield, yeah. The Amazing ones are Garfield. Oh, okay. Yeah.

But in fairness, I've only scrolled past all the things that aren't action scenes in The Amazing Spider-Man 2. Why? I've never seen that one. Because they're very boring. I never saw any of the Garfields. Or the new one. Dennis Leary's in both of them, too. Oh, cool.

Yeah. Well, you know, there's a cool edge to it that guy oh boy he's an asshole yeah i noticed the uh his i didn't even know it as a comedy special i just knew it as the album no cure for cancer right uh it's now on netflix oh so they're starting to put comedy specials from 25 years ago. Finally winning years ago. Maybe. Uh,

yeah. He also recorded, um, an MTV unplugged. Wow. Why was there more? Oh, there were a couple of extra songs on there other than asshole.

Yeah. So he, he does a asshole. He does like something called Irish song. He does the Irish song. He takes a stab at singing Led Zeppelin's Immigrant Song. Is that Led Zeppelin? Yeah, yeah.

Takes a stab at it. Quits halfway through. Because, you know, he was probably like a pack-a-day smoker. Oh, did he smoke? Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of people forget that about Dennis Lee. Oh. Here's your next phone call.

Hi, Dave. Hi, Graham. Hi, guests. This is Heather in Maryland. I was calling with an overheard. I was having frozen yogurt, and there was about a seven- or eight-year-old girl sitting behind me, and she was having yogurt with her parents and her grandparents. And she told them, well, do you know what a BFF is?

It's someone who buys you yogurt when the struggle is real. Oh, yeah. That's as good a definition of BFF as I've ever heard. When is the struggle real? When you don't have any frozen yogurt. When you're yogurt-less. Yeah. You're purely an ice cream man.

Will you ever go frozen yogurt? Which one is Menchie's? Frozen yogurt. Yeah, I'll go through that. Yeah. What about you? Ice cream, frozen yogurt? Gelato?

Generally prefer ice cream, but I would do like a Menchie's. I like piling stuff on a frozen yogurt. Yeah, it seems fun. Yeah. Nobody gets hurt, except your organs. Well, there's breakfast, lunch, and dinner. You don't have to just pick No you're right

One sweet treat Yeah start the day With some ice cream I do a little Frozen yogurt taco Yeah Have you seen those? Huh?

The ice cream taco With the It's the The waffle Yeah the waffle Yeah the choco taco Is that what it's called? Choco taco

Yeah yeah yeah At Rain or Shine Ice Cream here in town Please give me free ice cream You're my favorite You're my favorite one They do in house Choco, they're in house Like they have waffle makers there

Going at all times Tuesdays is Taco Tuesday Right so usually they're making waffle cones Yeah You here till Tuesday? I am as Taco Tuesday. Right, so it's usually they're making waffle cones. Yeah. And sometimes they make the waffle. You here till Tuesday? I am.

Taco Tuesday. Taco Tuesday, let's do it. Voices carry. Where is that place? There is one on 4th Avenue in Kitsilano. There's one on Cambie Street.

Those are the only two. These are the two, yeah. I'll make sure. I'll draw you a crude map. Great. Here's your final overheard. Hey Dave, hey Graham, hey hilariousam. Great. Here's your final overheard. Hey, Dave. Hey, Graham. Hey, hilarious guests.

This is James from Toronto calling in an overheard. I was recently in the waiting room for laser eye surgery and there was this little girl who was just running around causing a lot of noise and her mother was trying to kind of reel her in a bit

and get her settled down and maybe do some of her homework and she was saying honey honey come on come here like a you know your teacher said this is your favorite subject i don't understand why you don't want to do it and the girl stopped running dead in her track turned to her mom and said mommy i have three favorite subjects okay recess, and second recess. Then she went back to running and eventually found a book on nature photography in which she went to categorize every animal out loud

as either fat or not fat. Thanks a lot, guys. Love the show. This raccoon's fat. Yeah, panda's fat. Very good. Walrus, fat. Spar raccoon's fat. Yeah, panda's fat. Very good. Walrus, fat. Sparrow, not fat.

Yeah, giraffe, not fat. Second recess? Don't recall. Don't recall a second recess. So nice, though. We had second recess. What? Really?

You didn't? No, we had one. You had a recess in the morning, and then a little bit more school, then lunch, and then that horrible stretch of afternoon that just seemed to go on and on. If you had five classes in a day, it was two. Three in the morning? Yeah, but when does recess come? After the first or after the second? I thought it was after the second.

It might have been after the first. It might have been after the first. It might have been after the first. Yeah, you had second recess. That's why. Yeah, school for us would start around 9 o'clock, and recess would be at like 10.15, maybe. Maybe it's 10.45, somewhere around there. And then we would also, and school ended at like 3.45, but we'd have like a 2.15 recess, too. Wow.

That's very civilized. That's a long day that was a long day but we were like three or we were 8 45 to about 250 oh wow yeah i don't yeah remember i think i remember getting home at like four so i maybe my i remember on a good, like, on Fridays, in elementary school anyway, I would race home to be home by 3.30 so I could watch on Fridays Power Stick Hockey Week hosted by Mike Emrick. What is all of those words? Well, it was sponsored by, I'm guessing, Gillette Power Stick? Menin Power Stick? Some kind of deodorant. Oh, nice. I thought it was a type of hockey stick. Well, it's like...

They want it to sound like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was the only time you could get, like... This was before there were hockey channels. Right, yeah, yeah. Or maybe there were, and it was just like... This was your chance to get some hot... Just a half hour of...

Hockey commentary? Of fun plays. Well, that brings us to the end of this here podcast. What did you race home from school for? Oh, the Coca-Cola countdown. Yeah, I'd like to see

what video had come into the number one spot. Or if my favorite video was retaining their crown in the number one spot. Coca-Cola was like the power stick of beverages. Oh, yeah. Absolutely.

Pat, what would you race home to watch? Animaniacs. Oh, good. Solid pick. Yeah. Now, Pat. Yes. Thank you very much for being our guest.

Oh, thanks for having me. Do you have things coming up? This is going to come out near the end of August. Do you have things coming up? This is going to come out near the end of August. Do you have things coming up in September you'd like to plug? I guess I would just tell people that I have a CBC digital series they can check out. Oh, yes. Called My Kitchen Can Be Anything. Yeah.

And check it out. It's just a really surreal series shot in my kitchen. It's really funny. Oh, thank you. And you just go to the CBC website and you find it there. Yeah. Just type in CBC, my kitchen can be anything and you can find it. And if people want to follow you on Twitter and get these hot retweets from Mario Lopez

and his weather update. Yeah. It's just at Pat Thornton. And I don't always hit that N Thornton. Yeah. A lot of people misspell Thornton. Yeah. N, Thornton. Yeah. A lot of people misspell Thornton. Yeah. Yeah.

Thornton. It's in there. It's in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's in there. Yeah. And to you out there in the listening audience, thank you very much for listening. And if you like the show, you should head over over to maximum fun.org to check out blog uh

the blog recap uh pictures and videos uh you know that relate to the content of this podcast uh you know uh pet picture of power stick i don't know if it's a bit an extant product uh what else do we talk about um oh we talked about the property brothers oh that's true we talk about? Oh, we talked about the Property Brothers Oh, that's true We talked about taco waffles Oh, yeah, and we talked about, you know Billiards Billiards versus pool

Sure So, a lot of things Basic foods Yeah And thank you so much out there for listening if you like the show please tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of stop podcasting yourself MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.