Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 494 - Amber Harper-Young

Episode Date: September 4, 2017

Comedian Amber Harper-Young returns to talk movie rentals, mudflaps, and bar bets.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 494 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is throat singing expert extraordinaire Mr. Dave Shumka. I'm not going to do it. It's the problem is every time that you ask him to do it, he won't.

But every time you don't, he will. So it's no, I don't throat sing no i don't have a throat for it i don't have the figure for it i get nod no jewels nodules nodules yeah i have got to avoid those noise is what i gotta do guys because my throat is my instrument. Yeah, and a doctor felt around your throat and said, no, no, no, no. Stop it. So when... There's this... When do you know that you're a throat singer?

Well, what I wanted to talk about was in like 1994, the Counting Crows had to cut their tour short because the lead singer had nodules? Nodules. Sure, nodules. Adam Duritz. Because if you sing wrong, you get little, I'm guessing, what do they look like? The little bumps? The germs?

Well, because it didn't, what's her name? Adele? She had the nodules. She had a case of the nodules. There's a local radio personality here, sometime radio personality named Bruce Allen, who's Brian Adams' manager. He's Michael Bublé's manager.

He's like a big blowhard. So he hosts a radio show from time to time. I remember 25 years ago I'm talking about the lead singer of the Counting Crows is just a pussy. Doesn't he also have like he has like some problem with some other famous singer like he

recently like wrote an op-ed like here's why John Mellencamp is a shithead. Yeah, stuff like that. Our guest today, returning guest to the podcast, very funny comedian, Miss Amber Harper-Young. Hi. Hi. I don't know that.

Are you a throat swinger? I have noids. You have noids? I'm screwing with my voice. Yeah, hi, thanks for having me back. Thank you for coming back. Should we get to know us? Sure.

Get to know us. So, Amber. Yes. You were last here like two years ago. Yeah. Refresh my memory what your deal is. I am a human being. You're a human woman.

For 37 years. 37? Yeah. You don't look 37. No, thanks. That's what I was looking for, guys. See you later. You're older than Princess Diana

when she died. Sweet. You know, that was my goal goal Who else is in that club? People who are older than Princess Diana Most people No no The 36 club? Who's in the 36 club?

Jodi Oh yeah I just discovered that I'm older than Princess Di when she died She was 36 I thought you just looked at your ID You just discovered it yourself Holy No I was thinking about it

Because we're recording this the day before the anniversary Oh spooky Wait it's the anniversary tomorrow? Tomorrow's the 20 year anniversary How are you celebrating? Or not celebrating. Celebrating. Acknowledging.

I'm getting on a sailboat. You're going to sailabrate. Oh, that's cool. I thought a sailabration was like a sail at like Leon's. Yeah, yeah. Leon's is having a sailabration. Why am I so big on Leon's all of a sudden? Is there even a Leon's is having a sale-abration. Why am I so big on Leon's all of a sudden? Is there even a Leon's here?

Leon's is a Canadian furniture store that we don't have here. Leon's had a lot of radio play, though. So maybe that's why it's in your head. They did a radio play? Like a lot of commercials. Yeah, they would have Leon's blowout. They would always have some kind of blowout. Yeah. They were always having's blowout. They would always have some kind of blowout. Yeah.

They were always having a blowout. Brazilian. Other styles of blowout. Yeah. A hair blowout. Yeah. Do you ever go get a blowout? No.

I don't spend money on that stuff. You don't spend money on cosmetic? What is it? Appearances? Not that much, no. It's like a haircut where they don't spend money on cosmetic appearances? Not that much, no. It's like a haircut where they don't cut your hair, right? Yeah, it's just a blow and chemicals. I think it's some sort of chemicals.

They blow chemicals all over you? I just want you guys to riff a little bit longer on what you think it is as meth. Well, it's usually done by a Brazilian. If it's not, then it's not an official I think someone explained it to us once. They blow chemicals at you. Yeah. But I'd like you to riff on what you think it is.

Yeah, because you say you don't get them. Everyone in the salon turns their head towards you and blows. Oh, that's weird. But that would be fun. Until they whisk you out the door with their breath. But it's free it's just really for people to get aggression out i guess blowing at a person would probably get my aggression out yeah yeah from what i know i think it's just like a wash and style with a hair dryer but you wouldn't go in for anything like that?

No. I mean, for maybe a treat, but I don't treat myself, I guess. What if you were a bridesmaid? Yeah. Then you would, right? Then they would probably demand, the bride would probably, with her whip or whatever, be like, go, go, spam this money. Have you been a bridesmaid? Yes.

How many times? And they do, the brides say, you better spend all the money in your bank account or you're not going to be able to be in the wedding. Because I've never been in a wedding party. No? Except my own. What about your, not your brothers? My brother, there was, my brother got married in Vietnam, so it was a real language barrier.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. During the war. Yes. He married Charlie. Very controversial. He don't surf. And my sisters didn't have best men. Yeah, how many wedding parties have you been at? I think two. sisters didn't have best men. Okay. Yeah.

How many wedding parties have you been at? I think two. I smoke a lot of weed. Don't ask me. And do you? Don't ask me. What? Two or three. Maybe three. Did you have to spend a lot of money?

Yeah. Things are expensive. Do you have to spend a lot of money yeah things are expensive you have to buy your own dress your own matching 27 dresses you gotta buy the dress you gotta get your up to

or blow out or what's the third thing yeah what's the thing you stopped yourself from saying there ma'am you there

shoes you gotta freaking sometimes go to Mexico you know like you need to Mexico, you know, like you need a private ticket. Yeah, regardless

of if you're in the wedding party, you gotta go to Mexico. Once I was a substitute bridesmaid, that was even the worst because.

So you were an understudy? Yeah, I was the understudy. But you ended up being a bridesmaid. Yeah, and my girlfriend's just

like, just so you know, like me and my other girl are on the rocks, so you gotta, you know. Whoa, now I've never heard of that.'s just like, just so you know, like me and my other girl are on the rocks. So you got to, you know. Whoa. Now I've never heard of that. She's like, get ready for this.

Did you wear her dress? And then I was like, I. Were you, no, were you an understudy or a substitute? Did you buy the dress after? Yeah. You didn't buy the dress like in hopes that you would get called in? I. Showed up on the day of the wedding, just sat with the rest of the crowd.

Like, when I go to a play, like I go see Julius Caesar, I wear a toga. Yeah, obviously. Who doesn't? Because maybe someone will be like, hey, friends, Romans, Dave, get up here. Yeah. Everybody, give him a round of applause. He's shy. They're like, who knows how to use an espresso machine? That's Gunther.

That's the story of Gunther. So, yeah, how did this work? She told you, hey, get ready. Like, start doing your exercises. She's like, this woman is not doing everything I demand of her. Yeah. No, I don't even know. They were just on the, like, not having, you know, a good friendship.

Now, is this bridesmaid or maid of honor? Sorry. The H is at the start of the word. Honor. Yeah, honor. Wow. No. It was just a, what is, the bride's, what's what again?

I forget. Maid of honor is like, she's the top. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm not the, like, she's the top. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm not. No, not the top one. I don't think I've ever been the top one. Do you have a friend who you would expect you'd be on the top of their?

No, I'm sure most of my friends think I'm like a bad friend. Like, not. Oh, really? No. Well, I mean, not like the best friend. Well, you were telling us before the show that you haven't been taking your supplements. And so sometimes. I'm not my own best friend.

Sometimes you seem really low energy and people think you don't like them, but you just don't have enough iron. Yeah. So maybe now that you've got your iron situation all worked out. I think like basically it was like 25 to 35. I seem very bored and like I hated everyone. Right. And it was just iron problems. So sorry, guys. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know what? I seemed very bored and like I hated everyone. And it was just an iron problem. So sorry, guys.

Yeah, yeah. Well, you know what? I think this is the first step is admitting it. And the second step is eating a lot of iron. And I think you're going to get, I think you're going to find you're invited to a lot more weddings. Please, I don't want to be in the wedding party. Whoever's out there listening to this. I don't want to be in the wedding party, whoever's out there listening to this. I don't have any money.

I didn't know, I guess I didn't know until right now that bridesmaids had to buy their own dresses. I guess so. I mean, like, it's weird. It's an awful lot to ask someone to buy a dress that's like over a hundred bucks for your party. That's a one, really like a one and done. And then, but it's also kind of crazy to expect the bride to buy six of them or

whatever. Yeah. I, it's all crazy. And then it's even more kind of insane to have like a sort of friend that's waiting in the wings. Yeah. Yeah.

And you know what? If any of you piss me off, I got another person who's more than willing to put all of her money into a dress. But if you're not even the maid of honor, why have a substitute? Oh, you just knock one off? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then do you have to say to your groom, get rid of one of your dudes?

Best man, you're out i mean no i screwed this up what are the groomsmen groomsmen yeah men of honor um is that cuba gooding junior i think that's a movie okay uh so what's uh what's new what's been going on since since we last met um your irons back up my irons back up. My iron's back up. I quit smoking. I'm four months nicotine free. Yeah, yeah. Congratulations. Thank you.

How long had you smoked? 13 years. Wow. Early 20s. So now that I know your age, we can just back time everything. Yeah, so you started smoking quite late. Yeah, you were like,

you couldn't take justin timberlake leaving in sync that was very i'm trying to think of what happened in 2003 yeah you were like oh man i don't like this new direction of the black eyed peas now that fergie has joined these are good 2003 possibly things. Yeah. Like, oh, Friends is almost over. Time to take up smoking. You can remember this, and I can't remember how many wedding parties. Yeah, exactly. How did you, or I guess why did you start?

Were you around people that were smoking? I was going through a really hard breakup with my first boyfriend I ever had. So we dated almost nine years. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. So I just went, oh, I'll just take you a little cigarette and you'll be my new boyfriend. What type of cigarettes did you smoke? Benson and Hedges, super slim.

Like I tried to be stylish. Like long, super long filters. Yeah. Old lady cigarettes. Basically. How slim are they? like hey they're pretty slim like are they as slim as popeye cigarettes almost yeah i don't eat them i kind of man i maybe want to take up smoking just for a tiny little tiny little cigarette? Yeah. Yeah. It's true. There, yeah, I remember very distinctly somebody in high school

smoking those and being like, what? Yeah. Just don't smoke. If you're already smoking something so, just chew on a piece of straw

if you're, if you like something that thin, you know? Yeah. But you, well, I remember when I used to hang out

with smokers they I had a few of them who were like I don't like smoking a whole cigarette I wish they made half

like stubbies stubby little cigarettes yeah I guess yeah there were times when a half cigarette would have been nice

oh people that would put out half a cigarette put it back in the pack oh man I was there at the end and that's when I knew. I was just, I was pathetic, you know? That was your rock bottom?

Yeah, whenever I was, like, tight on money. I was buying cigarettes also in front of very important things that I should be. What are you going to say in front of very important people? Like, excuse me, Mr. Prime Minister, get out of the way, I need to... Listen, I've bought cigarettes in front of people

more important than you. I'll have you know. I'll have you know. Yeah, that's, that's like, I think that's the way of the smoker,

right? Is like, eventually you're like... Oh man, you just, you're actually a drug addict. Like, I read that book, To of the smoker, right? Is like eventually you're like... Oh, man. You're actually a drug addict. Like, I read that book, To Quit Smoking. It's Alan Carr's easy way to quit smoking.

Did it help? It did help a lot. I didn't follow the instructions properly, so technically I'm supposed to pick up smoking again. Oh, no. Don't do that. Just don't do that. No, I'm not going to, but the book says I will says i will oh really and the book made me quit i think so but the book's not the boss of you you're the boss i know like the book's like if you don't follow these instructions but it's been four months it has I know. And your boyfriend, does he smoke?

Yeah. Is it, you didn't get back with your high school boyfriend? No. I know. You know, you can't do that because what happens in your first relationship is you try everything out, both of you, and you never ever want to, you you know do half of that stuff again like you're just like oh yeah we just went on like we were just maniacs together yeah we were on survivor together it is like in nine years you can try a lot of things up we went through a ska

phase yeah that's yeah we both both got our earlobes stretched. Then we got them stitched back up again. It was just you're young and you're dumb, so you just... And this is from high school? Yeah, so... Do you keep in touch with your first girlfriend? You know what? No, like, I mean, I'm Facebook friends with her. Yeah, I think I'm...

Oh, I don't know. I'm Facebook friendly with everyone. Yeah, yeah oh i don't know i'm facebook friend friendly with everyone yeah yeah but that means nothing no that's true that means i will hear from you never but i might see you on my yeah and then yeah occasionally you'll just see a picture of them and they'll be like oh too much cake and you're like what the hell what what algorithm What algorithm sent me that photo? Thank you. Yeah. It's nine years is a long time. And that's like a weird, that's you've grown as a person a lot in that time.

Yeah. Like we grew apart and it just, like I said, it got like pretty, I think. Do you want to send him a message if he's listening? You know what is funny As I did this show Where we had to talk about Losing your virginity Oh yeah And thankfully

I lost it with this guy Who I cared about And he cared about me So it wasn't like A terrible experience But it happened In three different sessions Because I was afraid

Of getting hurt And I also had to Because Like Okay It's spaced out Over one amount of time. Two weeks.

Oh, wow. I like... I also like... They're called sessions, like what you would have with your therapist. Like, well, we're running out of time here. But speaking of sessions, because... It was Jeff's thing. because like it was Jeff's thing

because I smoked so much weed I didn't remember clearly everything like in the past and I had to do the show so I sent him a message like hey

do you remember stuff from like that night and whatever that night and the two nights earlier and the twelve nights before that did he did. That night and the two nights earlier and the 12 nights before that.

Did he? Did he remember? Yeah. And he wrote this very funny thing. He said, you know, it happened over the three different sessions. He used the same vernacular. It was weird. Yeah, yeah.

And he said that his P was too big and my V was too small. So that's why. Just the size of Montreal. his P was too big and my V was too small so that's why I took some. Just the size of Montreal. If you like it I don't care I'll take off your underwear. What? Is that how it goes?

Something like that. We did keep on with the rhyming thing which got pretty obnoxious. It got pretty obnoxious. But yeah so Maybe you can try to suck it. Hey

when you're done you can use this bucket what's that right my current boyfriend's gonna hate this hi but uh but it the funniest thing about that whole exchange is that i first of all felt comfortable enough to get a hold of him after all these years to ask him that but also that that was like the funniest part of my losing my virginity story when i performed is that i had to go back yeah and was it was that the first time you had gotten in touch with him really that big no i i think it was regular big right like i don't think it was i i don't think it was extremely big but i think he was over average maybe oh how would you know at the time your current boyfriend is gonna

hate this i know um yeah but uh that was the first time you got in touch with him since breaking up no no okay no but in a quite a while in. I would be interested to go back and ask a couple. I would have some queries. Don't do it. No, you're probably right. It's probably best to let go. It's the high fidelity. Oh, because he goes back and what went wrong?

Yeah. Oh. By the way, we're older than he was in high fidelity. Yeah, oh boy. But we're not as old as Bill Murray in Broken Flowers. Sure. Yeah, I think the memory is a tricky thing, too. high fidelity yeah oh boy but we're not as old as bill murray and broken flowers so sure um yeah i think like the memory is a tricky thing too so i don't know if people really retain like exact detail and oh totally you know like i think everything's malleable after a certain that's the

weird thing is i was talking to somebody they went to high school with and they were remembering just people very differently than i remembered people and one time i was doing a show in calgary and a bunch of people came out and i was like were we friends in high school like there were people from my high school but i was like i don't remember us being a group of friends but they seem to have some kind of yeah people come up to me and I won't even recognize them. Be like, I know you from high school. And they'll be so insulted I don't remember them.

I'm like... Where did you go to? Are you from here? No, Ontario. Right. But like, they maybe had like some idea in their head or remembering it? Yeah. Differently? I don't know don't know yeah it's a tricky situation with me because i was a very social person like i liked being friends with a bunch

of different types of people right but i never really got super close with anyone because of that either right you were hanging out everywhere yeah um but yeah like it's weird to talk to somebody in high school and they're like yeah I remember you being like this and I'm like I don't remember that you don't like the distinction what is it that they're remembering

excuse me what alright that's the show that seems off brand why would you do it on a hot day it's gonna be good i knew it was gonna be a good one it's a hot day there's a fan in here it blew right at me you gave me a brazilian blowout yeah you just gave dave a brazilian blowout because i can tell because you ate brazilian food did it really waft you i'm sorry if it did did. Did it really get you? A little bit. Oh my gosh, I'm sorry.

I don't think we've even had a feller do that on the show. Yeah, we've had John Doerr. No, he farted. He burps as well. We get Howard Stern on here, he does it. It's true. No, just people will say, oh, I remember that one day in the cafeteria, you did this.

You ran naked through the cafeteria well no the one thing I like someone apparently after high school uh pretended said used my name and showed up at a radio station naked to get Pearl Jam

tickets that was obviously you Dave that was the most insulting thing to me I don't get Pearl Jam tickets. That was obviously you, Dave. But I don't like, that was the most insulting thing to me. I was like, I don't like Pearl Jam. Like, I mean, I guess I guess. That's the best cover story. I could see me doing that, but not for Pearl Jam tickets. Yeah, what band would you show up naked at a radio station for?

Today? Yeah. Oh, boy. Let's go up naked at a radio station for? Today? Yeah. Oh, boy. Let's go around the horn. Amber? What? These are primo tickets, by the way. I mean, is Pitbull a band?

Yeah, Pitbull's a band. Yeah, that counts. Pitbull? Well, because I think there's a part of my nude anatomy that resembles Pitbull. With little sunglasses. that resembles Pippo with little sunglasses. I'd probably, you know, something like a reunion,

some sort of reunion tour. Oh, sure. The monkeys. The remaining members of the monkeys. To get tickets to the fair where they're playing. Yeah, and the best thing

about that is you also get roller coasters. Yeah. You also get... Are you just trying to make sure you look better than them naked? Yeah, I want to make... I'll do Phil Collins

or older. Who is remaining from the monkeys? Everyone except Davey? Yeah. But I think also maybe Mike Nesmith doesn't want to play with them. Of course he doesn't want to play with them. So I think it might be just... He's got all that white out money, baby.

Yeah. Do you know the monkeys? Yeah, but what's the whiteout money? Oh, his mom invented whiteout. That's weird. Yeah. That's a weird combo. It's a weird thing when somebody who's like

also became like famous and rich started out already like super, super rich rich but i don't know that they like if you invented whiteout maybe you sold it like right away and it wasn't oh you sold it to the like i do i we don't have any intel on the value of whiteout but i think i oh yeah maybe it definitely has no value now when's the last time you used Whitehouse? That would have been a stock that you really would have had to get rid of in the, maybe in the early 90s. But yeah, there's like, I don't know, there's a lot of your Anderson Coopers or your Julia Louis-Dreyfus.

Right. Yeah. Or apparently like Nick Kroll is also from some dynasty. I think he was on the show Dynasty. Is that possible? I don't know about that one. Maybe Jennifer Aniston's dad was on something? Oh, he was on a...

Oh, yeah. He was an actor. I watched a biopic on her. He was on a... A biopic on her? I don't know. Who played her? Whatever those...

You mean Jennifer Grey? I don't know. I don't know what they're called. Her dad was on a soap opera. Yeah. For years and years. Big money. Big money, those soap opera stars. Name one.

Name a soap opera actor. Victor Newman. Susan Lucci. Susan Lucci. Erica. Oh, that's Susan Lucci, isn't it? Who's the one that was on The Biggest Loser? Sammy something?

Yeah. Sammy from Days of Our Lives. Why do we all know Sammy? Because she started out as a good character. Did you watch soap operas? Yeah, I watched them because my mom liked them. Like multiples? She loved All My Children.

So I watched that quite frequently. I think that's where Susan Lucci and Victor Newman were. Victor Newman had a little mustache? Yeah, yeah. This guy had the eye patch for a lot of them. We've been over this. There was a guy who

literally was named Patchy, wasn't there? No. Yeah, but there's like yeah which one which one were was bow and hope that was days no that was young and the restless i thought oh it wouldn't have been young and the restless i don't know anyone to watch that oh days of our lives yeah maybe and then i did watch some young and the restless after school wasn't there a famous one where the couple got married and they got married like and it was like a live event

Luke and Laura maybe it was General Hoss on the Hoss yeah yeah he had like curly blonde hair yeah yeah he looked like

Greatest American Hero that was that must have been the high time for soap operas that they'd make that like a live event but also that was the must have been the high time for soap operas that they would they'd make that like a live event but also that was the time that like white guys could have an afro and they would like they'd just put you on tv yeah and be like the the lead love interest on a yeah imagine watching

90210 and it's like Brandon and Dylan. Wait, that one character did have like a blonde eye. Oh, you're right, Steve. Yeah. But no, but it wasn't Luke big. Oh, no? No, it was just Curly. No, there was a character on My So-Called Life that had Brian Cracko was his name.

He had a big... But was he a heartthrob? No, he was supposed to be a nerd. Yeah, just like on Riverdale. If, you know, next season they bring on, you know... A guy with a blonde afro. Have they done all the characters yet? Not Wendy the Witch or Spooky the Ghost.

I feel like I'm getting further and further away from what Archie is. Richie Rich stops by. So we both stopped watching Riverdale. Are we ever picking it up? I might pick it up again. Did you watch Riverdale? I did not even attempt it. No.

That's good. I saw the photo. That's all I needed to not watch it. You're like, I'm done with it. No. But also, I didn't really follow or read Archie so much. What did a young Amber read? I don't think I did.

Just watch TV? Yeah, I watched a lot of TV. Do you know how to read now? I have always known how to read. Read me the ingredients. Since I was born, I've been literate. Ingredients? I don't think there are any on that.

Imported... Well, I'm convinced. Yeah, checks out. Read me the barcode. Percent McCurran. Off that can. Beer. Beer.

What did you watch when you were a kid oh a lot of SNL oh really yeah yeah I guess that's

that's a fun thing to do on a Friday oh brother oi yoi yoi oh it is hot out I watched

yeah I watched like soap operas SNL 90210. All the typical stuff. Melrose Place. You watched Melrose Place? Yeah, I love that show.

It got a bit crazy in the end, but even when it got kind of dramatic, like that one girl went lunatic, it was still kind of fun. I liked their apartment a lot, and I imagined living there. I was like, yeah, I want to live in that apartment I kind of like the idea What was the name of the apartment? Melrose Place There was a

when I was in Edmonton there was a place an apartment building called Melrose Place and I was like I wonder if that's from like when the show was popular that they named that because it's not on Melrose Street or anything

but it had that cool pool in the middle of it such a cool place to live i just wanted like i would love to live there right now and when i was a kid i think or teenager but i watched like mainly a lot of movies when i was a kid like a roller blade to to jumbo video in brantford ontario in the night, like 8.30, 9 o'clock at night. And was Walter Gretzky there? He was. He was belating alongside of me. And he was like, get your knees up. Like Lloyd Bridges.

Yeah. Mandelbaum. Yeah. So I would go to Jumbo Video, I'd eat popcorn and take like an hour to pick out like five movies for a week. And I'd watch three of them in one night while I devoured a two liter Coca-Cola. Oh, wow. Now this popcorn, was this, because I never went to a Jumbo Video.

Was this part of the, they gave you free popcorn? Yeah. To browse? Mm-hmm. Wow. It was pretty mint. Yeah, pretty greasy videos all over the place. Yeah, it's super greasy.

It's like a pretty buttery place. Everyone's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa. Did you ever just like stand in a video store where they were showing a movie and just like start watching? Get into it. Yeah. Yeah. Like it's in a pretty good scene and you're like, huh, maybe I'll ride this out.

It's only 20 minutes to the end. I feel like maybe I'm making this up, but I feel like maybe my family accidentally left me once when I was doing that. Like, like got in the car and drove. She's got enough corn. She'll be fine. How many siblings did you have? Three sisters. Okay.

Yeah. Were you the youngest? I was the middle because, like, I count my two older sisters as one person since they're twins. Okay. Oh, yeah. Fair enough. They probably love that. They love not having an identity.

Thing one and thing two. I mean, that's an identity. For any special occasion, buy them matching things. They love that. Matching handguns. Thank you. Actually, that's a good idea. I'll do that for the next birthday.

There's a gun store in this neighborhood. Oh my God. And it's right across from, yeah, the Bible place. Oh yeah. The Bible place is closed now. Oh no. Yeah. But the gun store is still there.

So don't worry about it. And the gun store has been open for years and like a couple of times a year, there'll be a big lineup. You go in there for a big Brazilian blow up. They'll be, they'll just be, I don't know if it's a sale or a licensing thing, but they'll just be a huge lineup. Yeah, they get their own porta potty for it. On a random

given day. No, they don't. They do. Yeah. It's huge. The lineup will go all the way down the block. It must be some legal provision or something. Yeah. Like a day you can get. Oh, like a license renewal or something? Yeah. And it's, because it's not like that is the day you can get a license renewal or something and it's uh because it's not like that's the only gun store i know of in the city and uh but uh a

couple weeks ago there was a police car parked outside of it i know this when I go past it. So I'm like, oh, police car. But I, and then the next day, the police car was still there and there were two like concrete barriers in front of the gun store. And just yesterday they were replaced with like those big. Blow up things.

Big metal like poles in front of it so you can't drive a car through it like are they that worried that yeah someone would did they get a threat someone was gonna drive a car yeah maybe someone couldn't buy a gun but anyone could buy a car i may not be able to shoot you but i can drive a car yeah yeah yeah Anyone can buy a car. I may not be able to shoot you, but I can drive a car, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's weird. When you go into the... Because I've been in it, and the employees are very like video store employees.

They're kind of very over the fact that they're working in a gun store. Is there popcorn? Yeah. There is. There's lots of people slipping guns flying. Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah, but they're very like

they shoot butter out of they have a funny butter gun we have all kinds of novelty guns too

yeah they get it mixed up if you don't have a license we have some fun novelty guns that's really

why the guy wants to drive his car into the place because he's like you want a butter gun yeah

but they're very like there's probably wants to drive his car into the place because he's like you want a butter gun yeah uh yeah but they're very like uh there's probably a lot of looky-loos like me coming in i doubt it you don't you don't think so i'm this i could not be more afraid of going into that store yeah me too i saw it because i live very close to here actually and i went the first time I ever saw it I was scared of it just by looking at it. Did you go, ah? I was like, no! And then I got my car and I

You tried to kill it with your car? Yeah. Get out of my neighborhood! But you were like, oh cool port-a-potty. That's one more place I can go. But it is weird. It's probably like the oldest business in this neighborhood. Do you think anyone brings a gun cake

for their anniversary? A gun full of urine shoots it down the port-a-potty? Yeah, probably. It's probably the one port-a-potty that every year when they get it back has all sorts of shotgun holes in it. Dave,

what's going on with you, man? We're all caught up on you, right? Yeah, yeah. We got, you have twin sisters. They left you behind in a jumbo video where you raised yourself

on popcorn. I don't know. It might be like something I'm making up. You've been slowly losing your virginity session by session for the last

couple of decades. The other day, I was... Margo, after dinner, up the street, there's a... Good name for a movie. Margo, after dinner, up the street, someone has a swing

on their tree outside their house. She likes to ride her tricycle half a block, get on this swing and it's the big girl swing because it doesn't, you can fall off it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But she rides her tricycle. She wears her helmet on the swing too.

So I'm, I'm fine with it. Yeah. But the other day I was just sitting there pushing her on the swing and this guy starts like uh parallel parking his enormous truck right uh like his wife had to get out and kind of you wave him in wow uh just because it was so big and he couldn't even see behind him and so so he gets out of the, he's like 50. They get out of the truck. They go into this house.

I'm just out there swinging my kid. Dressed like me. Yeah, yeah. Dressed like a guy who is me. Yeah, yeah. Who you would never think would want to talk about trucks. But he comes back out, goes into his truck and gets a, like a 24 pack of beer out of his truck and says to me,

You know, do you remember back when you could go to Canadian Tire and get a set of mud flaps for your truck, three bolts, 15 bucks? And I was like, no! No! uh yeah look at me i'm wearing shoes that you wouldn't think have socks but have little tiny girly socks inside i have bare ankles right now sir but it's uh did did you say no i said oh that's a fair that's a fair answer and he went on to say, he went, had to put these mudflaps on the Canadian tire, 385, including labor. Holy. And I went, oh. That's more.

So you're telling me that it hasn't stayed the same. so you're telling me that it hasn't stayed the same that's the and then he was like i guess i probably could have just bought them uh for 15 bucks and installed them myself well sure did he offer you a beer for this conversation no and also oh that's rude. He's just flaunting. I don't, but like, because here, you know, people don't need, if you're in the city, you don't need a, you don't need a big truck. Yeah. Unless you're, unless that's, you know, you work in the, some sort of industry, construction. Sure. And you don't need flaps of mud. Oh, yeah.

I mean, other than the ones that come with the car. I don't think they're made of mud. No, wait. A mud flap is not a flap made of mud? What are meat curtains? You'll find out on session 12. Did he at least offer Margo a beer? Did he say anything about the fact that there was a cute kid on the swing?

No, no, no, no, no. No. Huh. So that was just a bit of a monologue he was doing. He was. I am sure he asked other people about it too. But I'm the opposite way. If I overspend on something, I will never bring up the thing.

Right. I would be so embarrassed if I paid more than I thought I should have. But even, I've had that conversation where I'm the person that, like, I'm the person that is the expert on it.

Like, when I worked at a coffee shop and people would be like, oh, I remember when, you know, an Americano cost $2 and now it's like $2.45.

I'd be like, what the fuck? Where do you want this conversation to go? That's not an opening that I could be like, I know. And also, everything costs more than it used to because of inflation or something. Or something. I don't know. I actually don't know. Me neither. inflation or something or something i don't know i actually don't know me neither i when something

like that goes up in price like at a coffee shop yeah i worry that you're just all that money is just coming out of people's tips like oh this right this was uh 350 and now it's 375 so you're now getting a quarter tip yeah that's true but it was also like it's it's like what can you do it's just that's what happens to things like what is still the same price as it always was there's nothing oh there's no thing that magazine is still cheap yeah even though now it's like six dollars even like penny candy is now not a penny yeah it's five cents right and even then I don't know yeah I don't know

it could be a dime I don't have dental insurance I know me neither um what I feel like there's probably one thing that like

it takes pride in still being oh maybe there is is there like some type of gum or something

like wasn't Wrigley's like still only 50 cents or something like that I don't know like thr gum or something. Like, wasn't Wrigley's, like, still only 50 cents or something like that? I don't know. Like, Thrillz or something. Thrillz still tastes like soap. Yeah. They can't have two things that they're famous for.

Jumbo Video, still out of business. Guys, can you guess what Jumbo Video's, like, animal mascot was? An elephant. Oh, you knew. Did you know? I don't know if I knew. Are you guessing because Dumbo? I'm guessing because Dumbo.

But also, maybe I've seen the logo. Was it a chain of Jumbos? Yeah. I don't know. I only knew the one in Brantford. I feel like it was a chain. I feel like it was a Canadian chain. I feel like actually maybe I did see one other one one time.

Did you live in Brantford or did you commute on rollerblades? I commuted. I lived in Brantford. I was like, I grew up, like, I think I was there till 18, 19. So then you were like. Then I was like, let's get out of this. Did you move with your boyfriend? No, I went to York University for fine art.

And now I sell my artwork for zero dollars because I don't make it. What did you do? Were you a painter? Yeah, like I drew and paint and stuff. Why didn't you do it anymore? I quickly dropped out. I didn't have like any kind and paint and stuff. Why didn't you do it anymore? I quickly dropped out. I didn't have any kind of sense of discipline. I got through high school pretty easily,

and I basically only got into university to get out of my house. I didn't get along with my mom and stuff. So I was just like, get into university to make your life better. And then when I got to university, they're like, do all this reading. And I was like, what? I only watch TV. So I was like a slow reader and like I just got overwhelmed

very quickly with the workload. And I had no money too. Dropped out? Yeah. Okay. And then this was an all in Bradford. This is in York University. York.

Right. Yeah. Which is in York University. Right. Yeah. Which is in York? Toronto. Well, yeah. But I think it's, yeah, considered York maybe. Yeah. Like that would make sense.

Yeah. Did you know that even old New York was once New Amsterdam? I've heard that. I said it to a guy one time. I saw him pushing his daughter on a swing and I was like, boy, boy. Remember when New York was once New Amsterdam new amsterdam anyway well see you later well i'm uh trapped here until she decides we're done so oh yeah like did he walk away yeah oh thank christ Thank Christ. No, he got in the back of the truck, in the bed, and just laid down.

But on a sleeping bag. I'm going to drink 24 beers. My wife is visiting her sister, who I hate. So I'm going to get drunk in the car. We made a deal. I'm going to get drunk in the we made a deal i'm gonna get drunk in my truck uh sometimes you'll see that do you notice that when you're walking around in vancouver you'll just see somebody sitting in their car and they're not they're not driving and they're reading a book they love doing that they love it but do you think that it's because they're escaping somebody that they can't stand?

They're like, I'm going to go sit in the car. I'm going to go sit in the car and read a book. I think it's, I don't know. I think it might be parents who have dropped their kid off and they're like, I don't have time to go home and come back. I think it's where they live because of rent prices. You think they live in the car? No, these are like, because I've seen cars where people are living in the car. There's a lot of stuff

in there. Yeah, that's true. These are just commuter cars. These are not living cars, but they're hanging out. They love hanging out in them. I've seen that. You've seen that, right? Yeah, and I'm always spooked by people just sitting in their cars. Yeah, like I walked by and there was a lady doing her nails in her car.

Well, that's fine. Yeah, I guess it's fine. Sometimes. What are they doing, Dave? It's the only piece you have. Yeah, that's the way I was interpreting it. That it was like, I'm going to get away from it all. I'm going to bring my manicure set with me and just sit in the car. I mean, though, like that's also an answer.

If you have to like trap yourself in the car, then mean, though, like, that's also an answer. If you have to, like, trap yourself in the car, then maybe you have to make some life change. You know? Like, no answer is also an answer. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. There's always, when I lived at the place that I lived before the place I'm in now,

there was always these guys hanging out in an alley by a dumpster that were all just, like, middle-aged guys. And, like, I think some of them were cab drivers. They would all just meet up and hang out by this dumpster. I was like, well, you guys can't go to a coffee shop or a bar or something? Oh, no, we'd rather just stand by this dumpster.

We got a good dumpster crew. It's our spot. It's our spot. Yeah. We should have jackets made. Jumpster Crew, 97. Was that the year that the crew started? Yeah.

No, there's 97 of them. Graham, what's going on with you? Well, I just came back from the Edmonton Fringe Festival. You just came back to say goodbye. Yeah, that's right. Bye, Edmonton Fringe Festival. You just came back to say goodbye. Yeah, that's right. Bye, Edmonton slash Felicia. Yeah, it was a real rough ride, that Edmonton Fringe.

Well, one of the venues was very far away from where everything was happening. Everything was happening over here and the venue was across a bridge. Did not realize that. And then I got, because I was doing two shows and one show is all based on my instagram account and i got this review by this guy who hates social media so that

was his entire review was just like him railing against social media just Just generally. Yeah. And like his picture is like if you wanted a picture of just like sour old fuck. He was the perfect like just even like kind of puckering his lips a bit like I only like the old.

He would be friends with your guy that talked to you about Mud Flats. I bet he wouldn't. Nah, yeah. He's probably just like What about the dumpster divers or whatever they're called? The dump to you about mudflats. I bet he wouldn't. Nah, yeah, he's probably just like... What about the dumpster divers or whatever they're called?

The dumpster crew in 97? Yeah. Maybe them. No, I don't think this guy has a lot of friends. I think he's bookish but not in the good sense. Yeah, he's not like a sexy librarian. Exactly. Hey, sexy librarians listening, i know you're out there and then so so i posted

the review on facebook because i was like get a load of this review and then somebody pointed out they were like oh he was formerly the book reviewer and now because things have scaled down he must he's got a review place so he's like doesn't enjoy it. But he really hates social media. And that was most of his review. He's like, I think social media is for lonely people and all this stuff. But he took out all of his aggressions on social media through my review. So and then things. If you get a bad review, it doesn't really.

It doesn't help? It doesn't help. I mean, unless it's like a spectacularly bad review, then it does help because people want to see. A train wreck. A train wreck. So. So if you get. If he wrote it better, then.

Yeah. If he had written. Sold out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So it was. Yeah. It was a rough couple of weeks because like. People hate bridges. Boy, do they. Although, have you been to the Madison County Fringe Festival?

But those are all covered bridges. Very romantic. Oh, yeah. Yeah, when I was walking. What? Why are there covered bridges. Very romantic. Oh, yeah. Yeah, when I was walking. What? Why are there covered bridges anywhere? Aren't they, don't they spin around or something? Yeah, don't they?

What? Yeah, I don't know. But isn't that what they do? You go in the car and then the bridge spins around? I haven't. And then it turns you back to where you came from? That's why nobody ever leaves. That's really smart.

Do teenagers go make out in them and then die? Yeah. I don't know. If the bridge is going too fast, you get flung out one side of it. But why spin it? I don't know. I assure you, I do not know.

Is it? No.'t know. I assure you, I do not know. No. Tom is the tank engine. The only kind of bridge I've heard that does stuff is the one that comes apart when the boats go through. That's the only bridge I know that moves. Yeah, they go up. Yeah. But I didn't know there was a spinner. There's not.

No. A fidget spinner. Bridget spinner. Oh, yay. Nice. Yeah. So when I was walking to the one venue, I was like, you know when you don't know where you're going? It seems like it's a lot longer.

Then when you're coming back, you're like, oh, it wasn't that long. That wasn't the case with this venue. As I got there, when I was walking back it's like oh that's far away because like i stopped i asked a mail carrier i was like hey do you know where this address is because i can't like google maps didn't know where it was so that's bad that's bad for turnout it's not a good sign and then he said oh yeah you have to go across the bridge. And I was like, there's a bridge! Oh no! You get there and the Google Street View car is on fire. Go back!

Go back! Being torn apart by dingoes? And it's because Edmonton's like a city that's very cold in the winter. They do all their repairing of stuff

is all during the summer so like half of the sidewalks also weren't there so there was like a good portion of any walk where you're just like in the middle of the street yeah but I had to walk to this venue every day and uh

not many people followed I'll tell you that lots of elbow room lots of elbow room at this uh you know you could bring multiple bags put them down in your row what uh was the other show better attended yeah because it was like right next to like where you could get uh mini donuts stuff like that it was like right across the street from the mini donut place yeah those are good uh so you could like hand somebody uh because everybody hands out flyers all the time and uh you could just hand a flyer and be like it's right over there so it's fringe season over for you i'm done so you did you did toronto yeah toronto winnipeg winnipeg edmonton what let's rate them uh winnipeg number one winnipeg. Winnipeg. Edmonton. What? Rate them.

Winnipeg, number one. Winnipeg was so much fun. Yeah. And then I really, I would say Winnipeg and Toronto tied for first. Edmonton, you're not in the top three. Not in the run-ins, Edmonton. But maybe, you know what? I'll come back. Are you?

If it's not going well and you still have like five more performances are you allowed to just leave? no and that's believe me if you were the Fringe Festival

would be much shorter because I think a lot of people would be like you know what I'm cutting and running why not why not

I don't know it's just not I don't know well it makes more sense too that you would just like condense like the audience into like if you see that you're not getting great turnout across the board then maybe shut down a couple shows and then at least have yeah and then have everyone just come to one show that does that or to your funeral i thought you're gonna say you're walking

there and because it was was such a long walk like you just started crying right at the start because you knew you could get a good cry out yeah I mean it certainly would have been a good walk for a cry out you need the time you need to block off

some time to cry sometimes I'll see a guy just sitting in his car just crying what almost made me cry the other day time to cry. Yeah, sometimes I'll see a guy just sitting in his car just crying. What almost made me cry the other day? Oh, the like first five minutes. Have you seen the movie Arrival? Yes. The first five minutes of that. Yes. Very emotional. It's a good movie.

I watched all my movies when I was a kid. You're all full. Yeah. Oh, but I ended up Not watching Arrival Like I Stopped at ten minutes And it goes Were you afraid

No no Because it was sad Because it was So bright out And the movie's very dark And just my TV screen Like had all this Light reflecting off of it

So you're just looking At you I'm seeing My silhouette in it And like a bunch of Kid fingerprints On the screen. This is not how it was intended.

No, no. That's a. And I love also tears in your eyes. I love that too. And the reflection. Yeah. I'm a raw nerve, baby. I'm real emotional these days.

I was at. Getting no sleep. It's the hottest time of year. Oh, boy. Yeah. It is definitely like poor sleep season. But, you know, I'm a man for all season. What was the highlight of it at Montan?

You know, I got to the airport early enough to get on my flight. Those mini donuts were pretty good. There was a couple shows there was uh two shows of each show that were like excellent shows so i'd say those were the the highlight shows of each show yeah yeah two different shows of your own of my own show that were like good like really good crowds and everybody was uh enjoying got it yeah um and then also uh there was like a place right near my venue because it was like in the french quarter because i guess edmonton has like a big french population so they had a store that just sold cheese curds oh boy yes yeah yeah yeah yeah when they squeak

on your teeth yeah yeah that's what i the point Yeah. So I like ate a lot of cheese curds. And that's something that like doesn't happen in Vancouver. I don't know where you would get cheese curds. La Grotta has them. Oh, yeah? The Formaggio? That's the one. Oh, yeah.

Probably the one in Kitsilano there has them as well. Yeah. I think I sometimes see them at grocery stores. Yeah, it was like... I don't know, it felt like a real exotic treat. Yeah. I can't have them in my life all the time. No. Because I like, you just like, I wouldn't sit down and just eat a block of cheese, but I will eat a bag of cheese.

Oh, you just eat them on their own? Yeah. You didn't make, like, I don't know how you would, when we got married. You and Graham? Yeah, yeah. Abby and I got married.by and graham yeah yeah abby and i got married quite an affair abby's one of abby's friends from montreal got us a bunch of not it's not even called gravy it's called poutine sauce in a can does have a chicken on yeah yeah yeah and a bunch

of cheese curds but we never we were like we don't have a deep fryer like we don't have fries yeah that was my thing when i bought them i was like i'm not we're gonna make mccain fries yeah we kept intending to like i guess do that make frozen fries yeah but i just then i just sat down one night and was watching the food network and then i just ate the whole bag of cheese curds yeah oh i did not feel good i can't have patience with like a bag full of cheese curds to like wait to make poutine. Yeah. And also like where am I going to get this? I guess I could have inquired at the place I got the cheese curds.

They had poutine sauce. Yeah. You got to like get a mushroom gravy. Yeah. See, this one has a chicken right on it. There's no way that's vegetarian. It's not. As a vegetarian, you won't even eat chicken gravy? No, no, no why do you can they

extract it from the chicken without killing them is there oh i guess that's the gravy is the chicken's blood right well because kind of it's juices yeah well because like i guess there's i guess they can get get eggs out of chickens without killing them. Yeah, yeah. They can get milk out of cows without killing them. Yeah. But like gravy, I don't know if you can extract that without killing an animal. Out of a chicken's nipples? This is so weird. When was the last time you teared up?

Yeah, I'm like you guys. I'm emotional all the time, I think. So, I don't know. Yeah, like, it's my mom's birthday today, which is kind of weird. Happy birthday, Amber's mom. Oh, she's no longer alive. Okay. Yeah, so that's kind of sad, but I haven't really gotten upset about it today.

Maybe there's still time. Once one of the women came up to me on the bus on public transport and like I work at the Downtown Eastside Women's Center and we're probably not supposed to talk about a lot of stuff because it's confidential. But one thing that happened with me is, you know, I try really hard at my job.

I love it. I really like constantly a hundred percent, a hundred ten percent because I'm trying to take care of people who don't know how to take care of themselves, and I get that. But this woman came up to me on the bus, and she said, thank you for taking care of me last night. And she was at the shelter, and I was almost crying in public. Yeah, crying in public is hard. That's a hard one to negotiate. Well, I do it on my walks. Do you?

Yeah. When you walk, you're just like, do you have sunglasses? Yeah, you gotta wear sunglasses. And like, nose plugs? Earplugs. Kneepads. Helmet pads.

Helmet. Swim goggles. Urine pistol. Yeah. Because there's a movie. I want to say it was I think it was broadcast news. And one of the characters would go and like like schedule crying time, like just go off into her office and like lock the door and just be like, is that like your walks? I mean, no, I can't like really control it.

Right. OK. Is there anything? Can you turn it on? Like I can turn. Is there a your walks? I mean, no, I can't like really control it. Right. Okay. Is there anything, can you turn it on? I can turn it on. Is there a YouTube video you watch to turn it on? Oh, like a sad. Something tells me you have one. Well, when that lion remembers the guy.

Yeah, that lion remembers the guy. Yeah, yeah. And then... What? Aerosmith said, don't want to miss the thing it's playing. These two guys bought a lion in a British department store.

Then it got too big for their apartment. So they sent it to Africa and then it recognized them. Don't want to fall asleep. Don't want to fall asleep. Don't want to. Because I miss you, babe. And so. Don't want to miss a thing.

In that video, it's the lion that's singing, basically. When I dream of you, the sweetest dream would never do. Whoa. I don't like it when he starts. It's static. It's not a thing. Whoa. I don't like it when he starts aerosmithing it up. I don't like it. I don't like it. Oh, Lord. Do we want to move on to Overhurst?

I don't want to miss it. Sure. Life can be fun. Don't get carried away. You got to do the things you don't want to do to get through the day. You got to shine your shoes. You got to sweep the floor. You got to clean your house. You got to do Ever Heards, and we're not.

No, we're going to do a little bit of business, because Stop Podcasting Yourself is supported in part by Casper, an online retailer of premium mattresses for a fraction of the price. How, uh, what, I'm bad with fractions. Fractions were never my strong suit. I mean, uh, one half, one third, one fourth, one fifth, uh, one, you know, six, one seventh. What about an eighth? One eighth, one ninth, one tenth.

These are fractions. It could be, it could be two thirds, two fourths, two fifths, two sixthth. These are fractions. It could be 2 3rds, 2 4ths, 2 5ths, 2 6ths. Oh, boy. Look, the world is a vampire sent to drain and I don't want to miss a thing. Now, I received one of these mattresses. They sent it to me in a box. I was not expecting it uh they uh uh it was marked flammable it wasn't i did not know no like and you usually there was a muffled sound coming

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Who are the most well rested people in America? Yeah, and you know what? Look how well-rested they are. Yeah. Who are the most well-rested people in America? Benjamin Franklin. Sure. Macdonald. Now, if you're a listener, and I assume you are if you're hearing this right now, you can get $50 towards any mattress purchase by visiting www.casper.com

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Terms and conditions, they don't apply here. No, Dave, you're wrong. They slash SPY. Promo code SPY at checkout. Terms and conditions, they don't apply here. No, Dave, you're wrong. They apply. Oh. And you know what? Let's take a mosey over to Overheard. Okay.

Going into a Bullseye interview, I know that it's somebody who does amazing work. I don't know what's going to happen. Oh, that's interesting. I never thought about that. Is that possible? That's going to happen. Oh, that's interesting. I never thought about that. Is that possible? Is that true? That's possible. Yeah.

Should I check with your therapist? No, but I will be. Who are you, dude? You all over the place. I got a lot of respect for you, man. That's dope. Bullseye. Creators you know.

Creators you need to know. Find it at MaximumFun.org or wherever you get podcasts. Hey, Londoners. Do not miss out on your chance to see the Beef and Dairy Network, Jordan Jesse Goh, and Judge John Hodgman live at the London Podcast Festival from September 13th through 17th. Tickets are still available. So realize what you've done wrong and fix it.

Get those tickets. For more information, go to MaximumFun.org and check out the live shows on the right side of the page. Go. Do it. Overheard. Overheard. It's a segment in which we've heard things out there in the great wide blue marble that is Earth.

And, you know, we share them here on the podcast. Such a wide blue marble. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you guys see the eclipse? No, I just looked at that picture of Donald Trump staring right at it. Oh, boy. You know what? You can look up at this. I looked at it, like, with my bare at it. Oh, boy. You know what? You can look up at this.

I looked at it, like, with my bare eyes. Oh, my gosh. How are your eyes? Fine. Oh, good. Just for a second. My boyfriend did, too. And, like, whenever things like that are happening, he'll just look at it.

And I'll be like, what are you? No. Like, you're going to burn your retina. It's fine. He was like, I was at Trout Lake all morning looking at it. I was like, what are you doing? Because it's like if you're playing baseball and the ball goes up and you lose it in the sun, you can look at the sun for that long, like long enough to lose a baseball.

But like, is that long enough to get a photo of you doing it? Like, I think he was staring at it for long enough that someone's like yeah do you think trump's great um we always like to start overheards with the guests oh okay uh amber would you please i guess i should i shall i will uh so i was on the bus and i heard this guy well actually i just got on the bus and because you this guy well actually I just got on the bus and cause you guys know how much I love doing that

yeah yeah yeah the bus this man was like oh god please help me oh god please help me and then everyone was like

terrified obviously and he was like yelling at like that a few times the same thing and then the guy next to him was like are you okay and he was like

yeah i'm just on the bus i'm just upset first of all what i like about this whole scenario is that the guy next to him must have thought a lot of himself you know because he's asking god to help him right and then he's like i got this i mean was this the number eight bus no this guy sitting next to him was yeah it was uh this guy sitting next to him was just trying to like diffuse the situation number eight bus is our most tragic bus bus in the city. It carries a heavy load. And yeah, there's a lot of, there's oftentimes a lot of screaming, but not always funny.

Yeah. It seems to be my. Yeah, everyone was terrified. This guy asked, he's like, yeah, I'm fine.

And then. What do you mean? Yeah. Yeah. And then he's like, oh yeah, I'm schizophrenic. Oh,

was I? He's like, oh yeah, I'm schizophrenic. Like he just said very casually after, oh yeah, I'm schizophrenic. Oh, was I? He's like, oh, yeah, I'm schizophrenic. Like, he just said very casually after, oh, yeah, I'm schizophrenic. Like, everything's fine. Like, he forgot that he was schizophrenic.

But maybe you do. Well, yeah. That's maybe part of it. Yeah. Every morning when I wake up, I'm like, what's, what's, what am I doing here again? Did you get that? That couple of seconds when you wake up in the morning, you're like, the hell is going on? I had a dream the other night.

Because Margo woke up crying and I went to go... In my dream, there had been... We had so many more kids. And I was like, which one is this one? So it was still real when it woke up. I was like, where am I going?

Have you already handled this? Is this happening right now? Oh, wow. Oh, that's confusing. Multiple kid dreams. And then, of course, Abby thinks, I'm an idiot.

What do you mean? No, go to the one who's crying. Dave, do you have an overheard? We went to, we went to Gabriola Island a couple weeks ago This island off The coast of Vancouver Island And we had a wonderful

Little trip Fun, get on a boat It's great, it's always like Three or four degrees cooler than Vancouver So I mean the bad part was Coming back and realizing, oh, summer's not nearly over.

This felt like we were sort of, you know, ending summer with a little cool trip. But no, no, there will be so much more sun. Oh, yes. But on the island, there is an alpaca farm. And so we took Margo and Poppy there and Margo fed goats and alpacas and llamas and

horses of pony descent. Oh, where did these horses descend from? Ponies. They were still ponies. I just forgot the word for ponies when i started saying horses so uh uh but they have these they have as like these you know girls and boys between

nine and thirteen who are kind of tour guides throughout the petting zoo right and they like volunteer and it's a summer job for kids uh and so this 10 year old girl is helping margo feed uh feed this alpaca and no it was a it was a horse pony and i guess one of the ponies was a little too aggressive and a little girl just said to it, that's unacceptable behavior. The horse, sorry. I'm new here. I didn't get the memo about what we were to do about, you know, food pellets.

Re-food pellets. Is that fun for a kid to go around big animals? Yeah, that was fun. Okay, all right. She didn't, because, you know, like some things that like I naturally assume would be fun for a kid, then a kid gets around them, just freak out yeah uh it takes a few times things yeah no horse nings yeah you have to you you know you maybe your first time around a giant animal it's not fun but but the right environment is good and and once you're used to

it yeah yeah yeah i don't know like you know like when you see a kid like at a even something that's like perfectly designed for them like a bouncy castle and they're just freaking out and you're like but this is this this is the thing we had planned for the next 90 minutes and if not this then what if not this then you you tell me what we're going to do. Do you want to go sit in the car and read? Yeah. While dad gives himself a manicure. I could use one.

What are your overheards? And just one, please. Yes. My overseed. uh yes uh my uh my overseed i uh went to the uh to a sports bar to watch the uh the big conor mcgregor uh floyd mayweather fight why oh it's just fun to go to a big thing like that like it's fun to go to like a final of a game or yeah Yeah. It's just like a fun. I guess so. Yeah. But you just don't seem like the type.

No. And I think that was also what made it so much fun. Was it being in the kind of like there was a lot of good people watching. There was a guy there that was dressed as Wolverine for some reason. Yeah. I get that. And when I asked to have my picture taken with him he was totally cool with it like he was like i expected this and uh was he dressed like comic book wolverine or like he had the hair

and the he wasn't wearing a yellow suit no he was like wolverine going to watch a fight in a bar and then there was also uh because I was sitting with members of the sketch troop hunks who are from Winnipeg and they were in Edmonton as well. And we were making all sorts of. They love you. And I love them. We made side bets on things that would just happen in the bar. So it was like, you know, if a glass breaks before the first round of the

fight, you know, I'll bet $2 on that. We'll bet $2. This guy gets kicked out. We'll bet $2 that this guy won't make it the rest of the match. Stuff like that. And then at one point there was a guy. We had a lot of bets going on this guy because he was dressed like the ultimate warrior. Okay.

How so? Was he wearing no shirt? He was wearing. And a bunch of like. Yeah, he was wearing and a bunch of like yeah he was wearing the ties around the muscles and he had the uh no he was wearing shorts but he had the face paint and he was done up like the ultimate warrior warrior dead yeah okay yeah uh and he was talking to a girl at some point and it was just like you're like this guy's gonna be so much trouble he had face paint? yeah yeah yeah

it wasn't just a guy who was like did anyone ever tell you you're dressed like the ultimate warrior? maybe he didn't have face paint maybe I'm in my memory putting face paint on he definitely had the arm bangles or whatever you want to call them

he let you in a bar with and he was talking to a girl and then midway through the conversation he poured an entire beer over his own head which i don't that's peacocking yeah and it worked because i give him my number yeah so that was my overseen was the ultimate warrior guy did you win any bets of your little bet i won uh glass shattering before the fight and i also won uh that one guy would be asked to leave oh no there was a guy wearing a crazy vest and we were like before the end of the fight he will take that vest off and he just won't have anything on and that that also happened um

so you made a cool four dollars well but i also lost a couple bets so i came away with a dollar oh and you what's with this bar that had like everyone can just be shirtless was this a like a a men only dance club yeah yeah yeah everybody was in leather uh leather pants um It was called the blue oyster. In your high school and elementary school, speaking of breaking a glass, was there, if there was a loud noise or someone slipped or dropped something, did everyone applaud? Did you ever have that?

Yeah. Or if the lights went off. That was a big one. If the power went out, everybody would freak out. I'd be like, dance party. There was, in our elementary school, there was, in the cafeteria, if you, there was this big freezer and you had to lift up the lid so carefully and you're a tiny little kid lifting up the lid. Yeah. And take your ice cream out and put the lid back.

And the lid was metal. Yeah. And if you did it wrong, it would have this huge clang and everyone would laugh at you and applaud. At least they clapped, though, while they were laughing. They clapped like, way to go. Oh, sarcastic clap. Yeah, a real Bronx cheer.

They didn't clap for the broken glass, but when the fight froze, like when the feed froze for a minute, everybody lost their mind. They were singing and going crazy. I don't know why, but it was very spontaneous. Can we guess what they were singing? Go ahead. Chumbawamba? Nope.

It's not really a song so much as something that crowds seem to sing. What about this song, I Get Knocked Down? That's Chumbawamba no it's not really a song so much as something that crowds seem to sing what about this song i get knocked down what about this uh lesser known chumbawamba hit uh i get back up amnesia amnesia uh what um oh is that thing crowd sing? Yeah, that you just hear crowds singing on like... Nope. Okay. Olé, olé, olé, olé. All right. The soccer theme. Yeah, the theme from soccer.

Olé, the theme from soccer. Now, we also have overheard sent in to us from people around the world. Yeah, yeah. If you want to send one in, you can send it in to SPY at MaximumFun.org and this first one comes from Joey from Maryland. I was visiting my grandparents'

house and my grandfather was watching CNN. My uncle decided he'd had enough of watching this and exasperated, asked, is there any reason why we're watching had enough of watching this and exasperated asked, is there any reason why we're watching this instead of watching the King of Queens? Sounds like his eyes were getting weary. His back was getting tight.

I've never seen the show. I only know it because we sometimes sing the song when the cable cuts up well and we and isn't there a bridge part where it spins around something something on the queensborough bridge tonight yeah uh the eyes are getting weird bags getting tight i'm sitting here in traffic on the queensborough bridge and reading a book and baby all i want to do is get right get inside of you yeah get up in those guts of yours so on his new show yeah i know we weren't talking about this the last time we recorded but off air yeah fair that's right yeah

they're killing off his wife and bringing back leo ramini yeah on his kevin can wait oh i don't even know killing off his wife yeah yeah she uh he murders Well, it's a whodunit, but... She spins around on a bridge. These are the most dangerous... Last time we saw her, she was flying over Nantucket. That's actually how wings end, too. This next one comes from... Kalia Ramini will have two shows i have to watch oh yeah yeah two

must-see shows oh what's the other one the scientology yeah searching for shelly miscavige um yeah yeah she's everywhere man she said this is it this is the she have the best resting bitch face hmm I don't know yeah I want to say yes but who else is in that competition hmm Tim Gunn

laughing laughing um this one comes from Kelso in Brooklynoklyn new york hi kelso kelso jay kelso i don't think we have too many listeners it is kelso jay yeah uh this is a sort of heard rather than overheard because it was said right to me i was tickling my boyfriend much to his displeasure and he shouted out stop tickling me or i'll kill everything are you ticklish but you both you and either of you there are there are certain things that i don't like i don't laugh but they're the i assume the same reaction as being tickled, where I'm like, yeah.

Yeah, like a weird smell. No, like a... Oh, I thought I totally got what you're saying. No, what are you talking about? Are you ticklish? Weird things make me laugh. I can kind of control it. If I can anticipate somebody's going to tickle me, then no. But if it comes as a surprise or like it's in a specific area,

then yes. I think, yeah. I think you need to be very strong to tickle me. I think if you could squeeze my thighs, like you'd have to be very powerful. If you could squeeze my thighs, love. What a tale my life would tell.

It's just like a movie about thighs. Who's got the best rich, rustic bitch thighs? Oh, Tina Turner. She's probably the most famous thighs in the biz. Oh, no. Suzanne Somers. Oh, yeah, of course. The mistress.

This last one comes from Jeff S. in Laguna... Niguel? How do you pronounce that? N-I-G-U-E-L. N-I-G... Niguel? Niguel?

California? Yeah. This is... I was in line at a concession stand at a baseball game. Behind me were a mom and her son, about five or six years old. Kid. Both of them? Babies have a boo-boo.

Kid, what are you doing? Mom, buying a beer. Kid, why? Mom, because I want to drink one. Kid, shocked. Ladies don't drink beer. Oh, that's funny. I guess maybe I thought that when I was a kid.

My mother never did. No, but also my mother would never have wine either. Yeah, but I think if my mom had something to drink, it would be wine. Or a whiskey drink. Or a cider drink. What kind of songs would she sing? Well, songs that remind her of the good times. Songs that remind her of the better times.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, Danny boy, Danny boy, Danny boy. But in the next verse it's, oh, don't cry for me, next door neighbor. Do you think they wanted to say Argentina, but they ran into rights issues? No, they were anarchists. They wouldn't care about rights. They were an anarchist collective. I don't know.

They were like, this is going to be our big hit. I don't want to give all the money to Tim Rice. I don't want to give any money to Tim Rice. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. And if you want to call us, it's the thing to do for the kid on the go or his sassy friend and mother. And the way you call us,

you just pick up the phone and you call 1-877-779-7631 or 1-SpyPod1, like these people have. Hi, Dave and Graham. This is Audra calling from Vancouver, British Columbia. I was just driving behind a car that has one of those signs on the dog print, and it says, I love my grand dog dog i thought that was funny you are correct it's uh getting a little out of hand yeah is it her child's dog or her her dog's child oh yeah i guess like logically it's her dog's kid i think think in her logic, it's her child's dog. I think you're right. Because why would you not love your own dog?

Yeah. Also, there's a term that people have used that makes me fur baby. Oh, yeah. That makes me very uncomfortable. Yeah, me too. Yeah. I don't know why. I know why, because it's weird.

It's weird. Did you think of like a baby Chewbacca or something? No, that makes me feel great. Yeah, I like that actually. When I think about his baby Chewbacca. I like that visual. How come that prequel hasn't been made? Yeah, yeah, baby Chewbacca.

Yeah. It'd probably be boring after five minutes. Baby Chewbacca's basically Ewoks, though. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The whole thing is

just one story. I can't seem to break out of Death Star. Yeah. Why don't they move it to where none of these people are involved.

And just kind of have it be about you know the front office of the Oakland Athletics. In a galaxy far, far away. But like, you know, Wookiee Ball. Here's your next phone call.

Hey, Dave Graham and honorable guest. This is Matt from New York calling in with another overheard. I'm having a bit of a bummer of a night and I decided to dip into a convenience store real fast, grab a drink in and out. While I'm waiting on line, this gentleman comes into the store, black dress pants, white shirt, black suspenders. Comes real fast to the front of the line, grabs some parliaments, cigarettes, and he says, well, let me get the gentleman's drink behind me.

And I say, oh, no, sir, you don't have to do that, please. And he goes, no, no, no, I'd love to. Come on. Let me get this drink. Sir, just pay it forward. And I shake his hand and I say, thank you very much. That's so nice of you. Oh, geez, what are parliaments up to these days? They must be expensive.

And he says, oh, I don't fucking know. I'm just buying these for underage kids. Are you underage as well? It's kind of the thing I'm doing. Just does it in front of the cashier. What a cool guy. Yeah.

But like, kids don't know what it costs. They gave him some money. I'm going to buy this guy's drink too. He's treating everybody in the store. What are you going to get, liquor? These kids give me a hundred dollar bill. It's like blank check up in here. Oh boy. Oh my God. I don't know. know wait what's his outfit he was dressed nicely he was wearing black dress pants a white

shirt and black suspenders yeah so he's maybe a mime yeah some sort of mime a chimney sweep when you were a young smoker you were an adult smoker yeah but when graham was a young smoker did you ever have to get yeah you stand out in front of the 7-eleven and you just ask every goddamn person going in if you uh and i'd offer like i'd be like i'll suck your dick yeah yeah i'll suck your dick or you know if you don't have a dick, I'll eat out. That's what I said. Oh, I hate you.

I hate you so much. I mean, I'm all for, you know, that. Yeah, sure. suck your dick's money. Like,

I might, I could. It just went crazy oh boy that was very funny that was worth it that was worth everything Graham said yeah

yeah I think we all are better people because of it um and but what was your how long

my pitch was always I would give them you know like the bill and they could keep whatever else that wasn't cigarette money but you would always

make sure it was like $8.94. Yeah, what kind of bill was it? Did you ever give them a 50 because you were such an idiot? If I'm such an idiot, how did I get $50? If I'm such an idiot, how do I have this smoker's cop 20 years later? Here's your final overheard. Hey, guys, I have an overheard

for you. This happened last night at the local minor league baseball game. There was a lady sitting behind us and one of our players hit the ball, started running to first and then the first base umpire called this gentleman out.

And the lady behind me's reaction was, what the? And she censored herself for the last word because they were children. But after that, she mumbled to herself, that umpire's probably a boss at my work. What?

Always calling me out. Yeah, so like, you can't be too mean to an umpire that also maybe is your employer. Is that what she meant? I don't know. I think she just means she doesn't like her bosses. Right.

Okay. Maybe she was hoping this umpire would eat her out. Come on, we all enjoyed it. Get real. Get real. Oh, Lord. Well, over these three sessions with your ex-boyfriend. Oh, man.

Amber, this brings us to the end of this here podcast. Oh, no. No, it's true. It has to end sometime. It's a good thing. Yeah. Yeah, it is, really. I mean, no.

I mean, thank you for having me. Yeah, yeah. really. I mean, no. I mean, thank you for having me. It was fun. Yeah. Would you like to plug anything that you have upcoming? Do you have an internet? I have an internet. I do. I am.

Is it the internet of things? I don't know. Like what dates are we at at this point? This will be Monday. This will come out on Monday, Labor Day. Oh, okay. So are you doing anything for the unions? I'm in like Northern BC this weekend,

in Quesnel Friday, and then Prince Rupert Saturday, and then Sunday, Quesnel again, opening for Mike McDonald. Oh, cool. Yeah. And then next month, at the end of next month, I think I'm at Yuck Yucks for like four days straight,

I think starting the 20th. All right. So, yeah. That's September? I've got some other stuff going on. I'm in Abbotsford this weekend, but that won't matter. That'll be too late. No, it'll matter to the people who go to those shows.

I mean, time travelers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When they have to go back and kill whoever's at that show that starts a chain reaction. Where can people find you, say, on Twitter? I'm AmberDalesy on Instagram and Twitter. No, spell Dalesy. Yeah. Okay, so it's different for each one.

Well, then why is it at all? I know I'm so bad at this stuff. So it's D-A-L-E-S-Y for one of them. And then S-E-Y for one of these I think you'll find which one is which to be a pleasantly surprising

I threw my pen when he spiked his pen down and now we're all blind we're all blind it bounced off a chair

across the room for the first time ever oh boy do we have anything that we need to For the first time ever. Oh, boy. Do we have anything that we need to... No, we need to book some live shows. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Call our guy.

Yeah, call our guy and request us. Request us where you live. Not like actual... Well, you got the money. Go naked to your local radio station. And say, I don't actually like radio, I like podcasts. Yeah, and them also being like,

we don't have any tickets to give away. Music industry's been hit hard by this internet thing. Everyone's going to concerts online now. Oh, at the end of this week there'll be a quiz show at the Fox featuring past guests Erica Sigurdsson, Charlie Demers, Amber Konopaki,

and Nima Galomipar. So quite a lineup. Wowzers. What trousers? That's how the expression goes, right? Wowzer. Wowzer. Wowzers. What trousers? That's how the expression goes, right? Wowzers. Wowzers. And you know what, everybody?

The Halloween sales are already starting at a store near you. They've got Halloween branded bags of mini candies that you can buy. And the sun is out. It's trying to kill us. Let's stay inside. Let's avoid the sun. The sun is going to be the thing that kills us all. Have a great summer. As it shows off its blinding ability

with a fancy eclipse. My eyes are fine. Yeah, they look the same. Who's there? Thank you. If you like the show, head to maximum fun org check out the blog recap our fifth last blog recap ever i think i'm gonna phase them out yeah i'll give you my reasons off the air uh we're gonna have pictures and videos of uh jumbo's video yep uh what else i think we should have ste Steve from 90210

yeah against Afro up against Luke and Laura Luke and Laura and Brian Krakow who's Brian Krakow

he was on My So-Called Life oh and Greatest American Hero yep these are all the great blonde Afros of our time

we should have pictures of people eating out like like in a restaurant in a restaurant yeah that's good um

he he he and uh if you like the show please tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of stop podcasting yourself MaximumFun.org

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