Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 495 - Abby Shumka

Episode Date: September 11, 2017

Abby Shumka returns to talk public pools, underwear pouches, and Guns N’ Roses.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 495 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who it's just so nice to see him this early in the day. Mr. Dave Shupka. 9.30 in the morning record.

My hair is still wet. Yeah, my eyes are bleary. My back is tight. So yeah, we made a special arrangement today because we have a special guest who comes on, what used to come on quite a bit, and then someone got her pregnant. Yeah. Twice. Kept getting her pregnant.

Yeah. She's the co-host. She's the eyes and ears of this operation. Yeah. She's the eyes and ears of this operation. She, she's the eyes and ears of this operation. She's the co-host of the Fashion Hags podcast and she is one of our all-time faves

Miss Abby Shumka. Mrs. Abby Shumka. It's true. That Mrs. means it's a relationship of ownership. Yes, property. No, you are your own person. Yes, I am my own person. Put it on a t-shirt. And do you know that missus is one of the only words that you can't write it's like an abbreviation that you can't write it has no really what else what are other examples

uh i think that maybe is the only one that i know but i it's because only mr but i've seen m-i-s-s-u-s oh yeah the missus but that's The Mrs The Mrs But that's like Is that just like That's like a country Isn't that like Me and the Mrs Yeah That's like a retroactive

Yeah Yeah yeah yeah It was made after MRS But what about Cause M-S Period Isn't Miss

It's Miz Miz Can Miz be M-I-Z-Z Oh yeah I don't think so I always thought Miss I always thought it was M-I-S-Z? Oh, yeah. I don't think so. I always thought Ms, I always thought it was M-I-S-S, was for, like, Ms.

Well, Ms is what you would call an unmarried woman, but Ms was like the feminist magazine. In the 70s or whatever, the 60s, the 70s. MS period. I was like, I'm not defined by my relationship to a man. Yeah. You call me Ms, no matter whether I'm married to a horse or to myself or a bunny rabbit.

Uh-huh. Because that's the way it's going once we start letting women have their own pronouns or whatever. I guess they always have.

Yeah. Hershey. Hershey? You want to get to know us? Oh, yeah. Get to know us? Oh, yeah. Get to know us. This is already off to a flying start. Flying down the Hershey Highway.

Abby, since last you were on, a whole new human has been introduced into the ecosystem. Yep. What's that like? A real monkey wrench in the works. Where is that human today? No, she's lovely. She's a lovely little thing. She's at a daycare.

Yeah, she is in very capable hands. So, what, uh, like, I know nothing of daycare. Mm-hmm. When you drop off a kid at daycare, all kids are the same age or age range? No, there's a variety. Well, we have one kid, we have one, Abby and I, I mean, we're beating around the bush. We're married. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So we have the same kids. That explains your on-screen chemistry. Yeah. And lack thereof. Isn't that always the thing? During the audition, why is their chemistry so bad? They're married. That explains a lot.

We have one child in a day camp. Oh, right. Yeah. Today's her last day of summer camp. And that's all kids her age. And then daycare is just whatever. Just throw a bunch of kids in a room. Newborns to 18-year-olds.

Here I'm dropping off Brian, my 18-year-old. Hey, Brian, no smoking. You just got out of jail. I need somewhere to go. There was always, like, I remember, because I went to, like, after school things. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. There was always one kid that was, like, too old.

Yeah. Like, there was a pack of us that were all six, and then there was one kid who was like 11. He couldn't be trusted, so he had to be supervised. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. They one time left him. He's old enough to be left alone, but they're not going to do that. Yeah.

Not after what happened last year. This is, it's this or juvie, kid. When I was in high school, I think the first year of high school There was a play in my high school And that's the thing Thank you, Bard Actually, Bard is one of those words That can't be It's just BRD, period

And there was a play called Juvie And it had a I only saw the poster of it And it had a cast of like 20 kids looking tough Of course Older kids from my school And I the poster of it. And I had a cast of like 20 kids looking tough. Of course. Older kids from my school. And I was scared of it. I was 13 and I was like, play looks scary.

I think I would pay. It's got a bunch of teens in it. I would pay very good money to see a play where kids are acting tough. Like in retrospect, what a bunch of dorks. They were all drama geeks. Drama geeks. And you came from like a very middle class,

nice school where like... Oh, no, no. This was a tough school. Okay. Kids was a tough school. Okay. What was the toughest thing?

You guys peed in a bunch of cups one time and left them around the drama room. I remember that story. There were bottles. Oh, that story. They were bottles. Oh, sorry. They were Coke bottles. And then we...

You guys were badasses. And we put the lids on them and we hid them for people to find them. And then one of our more clear-headed, not that there were any substances, but one of our wiser compatriots said, I think actually some poison is gas. Come out of those bottles. So we better get rid of them. Did you think that mustard gas was invented by accident by Germans peeing in a bottle? Oh, hey.

And yet the cure is peeing in a tissue. It's just where you pee location location location so what so new new human and then what else

what else has been what else been going on well last night I went to the pool oh nice it was lovely yeah here in Vancouver

we have four really beautiful outdoor pools. Let's name them. Kit. Jimmy. Jimmy Pool. Candy Pool. And Mrs. Pool from the Hogan family.

Was that Edie McClure? Yeah, yeah. Was that the neighbor? You went to an outdoor pool Outdoor pool I don't think I've ever swam in the indoor They're so nice I've lived here my whole life

I've never gone to one of these No Yeah, like which one did you go to? I went to Kitts, Kitts Lino Pool It's salt water Ooh And what do you do? Do you do links?

Or do you just kind of hang out? Are you from New Zealand? New Zealand? Do you do links? Or do you just kind of hang out? Are you from New Zealand? New Zealand? Do you do links? Rewrite with a pin. No, I just fucking sat there. It was great. Do they have water slides?

Yeah, there's a couple water slides. Really? But little ones. They're like playground style slides that you just land in the pool. Oh, okay. Unlike. Not like a water slide. Where just land in the pool. Okay. Unlike. Not like a water slide. Where you land in space.

Yeah. But you were there at night? Yeah. So are there kids? There was a little bit. Okay. Yeah. That time of day was a lot of people.

That particular pool is a lot of people actually exercising. There's a big hole side that's cornered off that's just for people doing lengths. But it has like a beach entry. Oh. So I just like sat there cool it was great yeah

I haven't been in a pool for years I recommend it it's great yeah every time I go I'm like

I love this I love swimming I do not enjoy ocean or lake or like natural bodies of water it's nice and I'll do it if I'm really hot, but it's not my preferred. I will swim in a pool place.

Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I don't like the sand and the animals and the plant and creatures and shit on me and fucking stones. What about a river? I'll take a river over a lake or an ocean. Really?

I think so too because a river is always moving. But like floating on a river? I don't think river over a lake or an ocean. Really? I think so, too, because a river is always moving. But, like, floating on a river? I don't think I've ever done it. It's nice. Oh, it's nice. I think I would get caught in the rapids, get sucked under. Yeah? No, you hold on.

Hold on to the side, and then you... Oh, I'm going over a waterfall. And you can bring... Put your beer in the water. That would be me water that would be me that would be me in the river I'm going over the

what's the word hold on a second you're holding onto a branch until you can remember the word the falling water Franklin Drane so and like

how much time do you spend in a pool because I never know how much an hour and a half in the pool well probably like probably an hour in just sitting there in the water and i had my phone out and stuff and feet you weren't you weren't i'm sitting in the water oh really yeah but it's got the beach entry so i'm like i'm not even up to my but if you drop that phone so what is this beach entry what does that mean water's coming in off of the. Well, it's not like a square bottom.

It's like a ramp. Cool. Into the water. So like you can just sit there and like choose to have it up to your shoulders. Or choose to have it just, you know, just your butt or whatever. It was great. Why don't I do? Why don't I go to a pool?

I don't know. You're busy. Yeah, it's true. It's hard to fit in. Well, it's hard to like, I don't know, go somewhere and then get wet and then, like, have a shower. And then deal with it. And then deal and then carry around a thing that's also wet.

That is actually kind of a strange thing to wrap your head around. If you're used to showering in the morning, then you're like, do I put it off? Do I shower? Do I not shower in the morning and then shower afterwards? Or do I put it off? Do I shower? Do I not shower in the morning and then shower afterwards? Or do I not shower the next day? Can I still brush my teeth in the morning? I remember when I was younger,

we would go to the YMCA and they had a little thing that you put your swim trunks in and spun them around and dried them. That was great. Because then you could just put them in your shirt pocket.

And you're good. Yeah, use it as a it as a pocket because you wore tiny little briefs little banana hammock yeah yeah my little speedos um oh it was so fast i was like a little minnow do you own a bathing suit now uh yeah i i do because it's the uh underwear that i wear i was gonna say or do you just own shorts that can also be a bathing suit uh i own a bathing suit that could pass as shorts but has the netting of a bathing suit i wish all my shorts had just netting in them just get the underwear oh yeah why can't my pants have netting in them uh i guess that would probably be you need to write some emails to some people Oh, yeah. Why can't my pants have netting in them? I guess that would probably be. You need to write some emails to some people.

Yeah. Write Levi's and Wrangler. Wrangler would be the one to do it. Write Wrangler. Wrangler. Anyone would have it. Wrangle my dangler. The new dangler Wrangler.

It's from Wrangler. Like they have TV commercials. Come on, Dave. They's from Wrangler. Like they have TV commercials. Come on, dude. They have radio ads. Yeah. I've never seen a TV ad for Wrangler. What is the oldest company that does podcast ads? Squarespace?

It's not like Prudential. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. Pony Express. yeah um i don't know yeah pony express because it's all like there's no i'm trying to think of the ads i hear on like npr and stuff because that's what oh yeah oh actually like yeah some of them sometimes a bank will do an npr like a car company maybe yeah i've like which is weird I don't ever think of car companies as being old, but they're like one of the oldest companies that North America has.

Right. Yeah. Ford's been around forever. Yeah. I doubt there are bike companies older than car companies. What about Schwinn? I bet Schwinn is, is younger than Ford.

Hmm. Yeah. I like, I'll take that action. I'm going to say Schwinn's older than Ford. Okay. Uh, all action. I'm going to say twins older than Ford. Okay. All right. I'm going to look them up.

You guys talk about pools. Yeah. Anyway, I realized I hadn't been to a single outdoor pool this whole summer. But like, is that a regular summer activity for you? Not since I had, only since I had kids. Oh, right. Like last year, there's four of them and we hit up all of them multiple times. All the outdoors Yeah

And Margo's a real water baby Oh yeah she loves it Yeah And what's What's Poppy's water situation? She's only been a few times Likes it Hates it

Indifferent Indifferent Indifferent Plus Okay Alright Indifferent plus Tell me about this

Not screaming Right I guess that's She's not like Completely apathetic Like she's not Completely neutral about it She doesn't love it

You can get her excited Yeah She seems like You know what You could probably Get her despondent too Absolutely Just chuck her in

I'll turn her off Although I put her Head under once Yeah she didn't like it But she didn't Freak out No Margo freaked the fuck out the first time you did it.

Poppy seems like she's... Margo freaks out the first time you do a lot of things. Poppy does not. Yeah, Poppy seems like she's more like go with the flow. Absolutely. Yeah. Very much so. But isn't that weird that you already can tell that? Yeah. Like... Very early on we could already tell like, oh

she's a very different personality than her sister yeah so do you think that that's like i wonder how that's gonna manifest like yeah and i don't know if it was a product of like when you got the first one you can just sit there and hold her the whole time because you only have one baby and what else the fuck you're gonna do just you just you just hold her right and you don't fuck are you going to do? You just hold her. Right. And you don't have anything to do. And so she gets used to.

So she gets used to being held and doesn't want to be put down. Whereas Poppy, I got to put her down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got shit to do. So I don't know if it's probably a combination of both, but I don't know. Because you as a kid, you're what? I'm the older of two. Older of the two. Yeah.

And you're the youngest. Youngest of 10. And you're youngest of ten and uh only four survived you guys were on the wagon train my mother had uh

sex toplets but on a roller coaster yeah on a on the titanic she escaped and left the baby

wow rude on the Titanic. She escaped and left the baby? Wow! Rude. Oh no, Dave! It was a women and children first situation but no one said baby? Like they didn't have

tiny life jackets? Oh, Dave. Oh, Dave's dead. Oh boy. The, uh... So like, do you notice with you and your younger brother are you it's he more easygoing you're more easygoing he was way more easygoing i wonder if that's it maybe i think it's flipped now yeah well i think margo is more like me. Absolutely. Like, I'm the youngest, and I'm the shy, sort of, like...

Unsure, sensitive. Yeah. And Margo's the oldest, and she's that way. Huh. Yeah. It is weird, though, that that's how it... Like, just the fact that there's more than one just changes the whole. Yeah.

Yeah. Huh. Because I don't know. My middle brother. Because you're three, right? Three kids. All boys. Yeah.

Oh, boy. Oh, Trish. I know. Oh, boy. God love her. Oh, love her. You know, Dan, he was the shy. He was the shy one of the three of us.

And then Patrick was the really easy going. He was the mellowest. Yeah. Yeah. He was chilling out along was the shy one of the three of us and then patrick was the really easy going he was the mellowest yeah yeah going out along for the ride yeah but how did that happen how did how did the mellowest end up on the that end and not the middle brother how did middle brother end up being shy introverted guy because you were such a super freak maybe super freak i was super freaky that was i was diagnosed early on but you were the kind you took home to mama um so you got to go to a pool yes that was fucking great and like what what are other things that you're able to like because you you do a lot of like you know fashiony stuff i try what ways that you can escape the kids yeah yeah yeah well what are your what are your top 10 ways

to escape the kids for the summer season? Eating your galatas, getting caught in the rain. Going to work. Going to work. I work a day and a half a week now, which is nice.

And how is work? It's great. I love it. It's so great. What are you doing? Tell the world. I am a. It's so great. What are you doing? Tell the world. I am a, I work for a small local clothing company here in town. You make small clothing.

I make very small clothing. So cute. It's super cute. Yeah. They made the little suit that George Clooney's character wore in The Fantastic Mr. Fox. I couldn't think of the character's name. Mr. Fox. Oh, boy.

Troy Fox. Yeah, Waterfall. And they make like a... They make regular size clothes. They make normal human clothing. Yeah. For men and for ladies? Just for ladies.

Just for ladies. And I am am my title is production coordinator cool you're a prod core uh yes and i just it's it's a million different things it's just kind of we kind of just decided on a name that just sounded good but it's a million different things yeah yeah coordinate because we have our stuff locally made here so we coordinate with the factory and we have our distributor. Made here in Vancouver? In Richmond, yeah, just outside of town.

Really? Which doesn't happen a lot, but it's happening more. Really? Yeah, it means our stuff is expensive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're not getting Walmart prices here. No, but this is like a- You could buy a Walmart with some of these shirts.

I'm trying to figure out the logistics. Sorry. These are boutique items. Yes. This is high-end luxury stuff. Because sometimes I'll see a store where I'm walking by, and they seem to only have six things in the store. And I'm like, what's going on in that store?

And it smells so strong in there. I don't know if it's a nice smell, but they've chosen a smell. Yeah, they have a smell. Yeah. Where are the rest of the clothes in that store? Or is that all

that they have? They probably have more in the back. Yeah, in the back. There's always a back room. Yeah. In the stock room. I've never bought

something out of those stores because I don't feel It's very intimidating. Very intimidating. I feel like a pretty woman before she goes back and shows that she has so much money.

Big mistake. Or like striptease. Striptease, showgirls. Showgirls. Yeah. Which you can pronounce Versace. It's a Versace. I will pay for it with my visa.

Is it weird to be back at work after an absence of the... Not really. Just right back into it? And I'm working with people I know. And it's a product I already know that I already owned. Oh, really?

If anyone's curious, it's called the sleep shirt. Yes. So what is it like? It's a long... oh really yeah like I've been if anyone's curious it's called the sleep shirt yes so what is it like it's a long it's like Ebenezer Scrooge style super high quality but fancy as a thug yeah

I've seen I've seen the ladies wearing them it's a good look it's real nice yeah yeah yeah looks like it's a very comfortable look yes that's our whole thing

like we are not like with sleepwear but it is not like sexy that's not our vibe it's a very comfortable look. Yes. That's our whole thing. Like we are not like with sleepwear, but it is not like sexy. That's not our vibe. It's not supposed to be sexy. I don't know. Should sleepwear ever be sexy? It's not like lace camisoles and little teddy, like little shorts and stuff.

Like it's really comfortable, high quality linen and cotton pajama sets and stuff. Yeah. That are real nice that's that is why are they just for ladies why can't I wear

a long long shirt to bed a long shirt with that little mesh pocket for you there sleep shirt

dangler wrangler I'll do some sketches and I'll contact our designer what and I'll float some ideas for spring 2019. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Production coordinator. Yes. We had, Margot's about to enter like sort of a preschool thing. Right. And they sent us a questionnaire of questions about her and some questions about us. Yeah. Like what do you do for a living? Yeah. And does your child know do for a living? Yeah.

And does your child know? And that's what... Does your child know? Have you told your child? And I don't know... First of all, how do we explain your job to a child? Yeah. I make audio things.

Yeah, you know, like when Peppa Pig talks. That's what Daddy does. If you can compare it to anything Peppa Pig does, chances are pretty good. Yeah, does Peppa Pig have a podcast? Does Peppa Pig help other people make podcasts too? Is Peppa Pig, is there a freelancing episode about Peppa Pig? Peppa Pig and the outstanding invoice. But yeah, what will you tell her?

For you. She thinks, she knows I work with my friend Katie. And she told me to make shirts. That's all. Yeah. I work with Katie. Because she said, where are you going? shirts. That's all. Yeah. I work with Katie because she said, where are you going?

I'm going to work. What kind of work? I go to work with Katie because she knows who Katie is. Yeah. And we help make shirts. Yeah.

And then she told that to one of her like teacher and camp counselor ladies. And she's like, Marco said you guys make t-shirts. was like well not quite but yes yeah totally wrong either it would also be very weird just like like you make shirt here

it's you don't have a chinese uh manufacturer handling this for you i I mean, everyone's a little bit Chinese. Am I a little bit Chinese? Oh, these days, yeah. But I would try to explain to Margot sewing, because we went and bought some fabric that she chose to make a dress. And I was trying to figure out how to tell her that, like,

what, like, I need a couple days. Just don't bother me. Like, I can't just, like, wave a wand and make a don't bother me. Like I can't just like wave a wand and make a dress. Like I like, I will take this

and it will turn into like this rectangle of fabric will be turned into a dress. Has she watched you actually do sewing and stuff? But even then, I don't know.

She doesn't know what's going on. Yeah. And just, it's boring. It's just a weird machine. Yeah. And I won't let her touch the iron. Yeah, I wonder, like, when I was a kid, I don't know.

Oh, I let her touch it. That's what that burning smell was. Don't tell your mom. But, like, yeah, did you ever have, there would be, like, stuff that my parents would bring home, and I'd try to put together what it was that they did with these things that yeah you know like like my mom would always have a an excess of uh rubber gloves sure she was a sandwich artist yeah she worked at subway she worked well before it was called subway it was a submarine they shortened it. Submarine way.

Very quick. Thank you. By the way, Schwinn is older than Ford. Oh, by hell, eight years. Oh, kind of close. So you win. Tony Schwinn and Henry Ford at the Great Wheel Summit.

Do you want to go through this Ashwin and Henry Ford at the Great Wheel Summit. What was I going to ask? Do you want to go through this? Because in this questionnaire they gave us about our kids, I think it would be fun to do the questionnaire about ourselves. Okay. Oh, sure. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So what three adjectives would you use to describe yourself? Three adjectives. Male. Is that an adjective? Yeah, male. Male. Blonde. Last seen.

Blonde. Last seen. Last seen wandering this corner. Wearing jerseys And a t-shirt. Mostly like a description of a missing person. Yeah. Mine would be like zippy, floopy.

Zippy zappy. Yeah. It's mystical. I want to change mine to Huey, Dewey, and Louie. Anything for you, dear? Oh, shit. I don't know. Exasperated.

Exhausted. Over it. And can't even. There we go. Exhausted, over it, and can't even. What have you recently done that you're proud of? I'm modifying these.

I'm taking the children out of it. Right. What have you recently done that you're proud of? I'm proud of? Most of them. Oh, I fixed the fence. I fixed the gate. Yeah, you did.

That was awesome. Nice. Good job. Not the gate out back. My walking style. Yeah. And I broke Dave's gate. and that made me feel so proud. Made you feel so good?

Yeah, what did I do? You don't see, pride is not one of your sins. Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to think of, I think probably because I paid know, probably like, cause I, you know, paid my tax installments on, on time. That's pretty good. I did that too. Yeah.

Yeah. So you did all those fringe shows too. So that's pretty great. That's not nothing. That's not nothing. I don't know that I'm proud of them. Oh, okay. But yeah, yeah.

Let's say the fringe shows. How about you? There you go. Oh shit. Uh, I guess any day, both my children are still alive there it is oh so every day yeah every day i'm proud of it every day they've not easy they've been alive they're on a streak yeah they've been alive every single day um what extracurricular activities do you enjoy and this is not part of the curriculum These are activities that Outside of it

Outside of the curriculum Right Oh so math and social No no no As maybe we could include intramural Oh okay Yeah yeah Well then dodgeball

Sure you're in the league Yeah anything where I get to wear a penny Yeah sure Yeah we all like activities Great What's your favorite subject? Uh, yeah, anything where I get to wear a penny. Yeah, sure. Uh, yeah, we all like activities. Great. Um, what's your favorite subject? What do you think your favorite subject will be?

What was your favorite subject in school? I guess it was probably drama. No, drama or English. Yeah, I like gym. I'm sorry. No, don't apologize. Oh my God, gym was the fucking worst. I don't get why people didn't like gym. Yeah, I like Jim. I'm sorry. No, don't apologize. Oh my God, Jim was the fucking worst. I don't get why people didn't like Jim. Oh, I hate him.

And I wasn't like a big kid. No. Like the big kids, I get why the big kids liked Jim. I think I liked Jim in elementary school. And then in junior high, they introduced the having to change into other clothes aspect. Oh, that's a no-go. Well, once there was just a room where all these teenagers were half-dressed and just unsupervised.

Yeah, that's no good. It became Lord of the Flies very quickly. What was the dynamic? Because in the boys' locker room, it was literally, let's find the smallest guy and all gang up on him. And in the girls' locker room, it was like, let's find the smallest guy and all gang up on him. And in the girls' locker room, it was like, let's all write each other notes to get out of this. Yeah. Yeah, what was going on in the gals?

Well, did you go to an all-girls? No, that was co-ed. But I do remember a couple times, like, I didn't do it. It wasn't me. Thank you, Shaggy But I totally Stood there And let it happen

So I'm not off the hook Completely But there was a couple times Where There was like A girl who didn't Smell so great Right

And like when she wasn't there We'd spray her clothes With like deodorant That's more like A nice thing Yeah But like We were being bitches Yeah yeah I know But it's still like For the greater. Yeah. But like, we were being bitches.

Yeah, yeah, I know. But it's still like for the greater good. But like, I don't know. I don't remember any drama or anything happening in our... In the locker room? No, we just confessed. You were just all business? Yeah.

Yeah. And like all super weird about our bodies and stuff. Sure. Because you're 13 or whatever. But was there like teasing? No. No. Man, it was brutal in our locker room.

You were in and out pretty quick. Was anything good? Nobody showered. Oh, yeah. No, I don't think anybody showered. I mean, except the kid who was thrown in the shower and they turned the showers on. Well, you didn't really have a choice, did you?

Yeah. When did we, like, I guess we had showers. Who used them? We never used them. The teams? Were the teams using them? After their muddy, you know, jumping up and down

in muddy puddles? Yeah, we had a Peppa team. After like rugby practice? I don't know. I doubt it though. I think it was a holdover from a different time.

I think maybe before people had penises. And sweat glands. I think like we had them, like we didn't have any teams. I went to such a tiny school and we didn't have any teams. And I think they like,

you didn't have any teams? No. Well, we did, but, but who cares? And like there's one tournament a year and you play like three games and that was it. What sport?

Basketball, I think was the only thing we had a team. Oh, we had a volleyball team, but we mostly just like went to other schools and just got super baked and lost all our games. What country was this in? In Switzerland. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, European locker rooms are all different. Totally different. But I think we had showers. Plus, you're so close to Germany, and they're so weird.

We weren't legally required to have showers. It was just like, you build a school, this is what you make. Oh, yeah. Maybe that's why there were showers in there. And they were just there. Just because that's what you do when you build a locker room. You put in showers and then literally no one ever used them. Yeah, I wonder.

Maybe that was it. Maybe equipment got hosed off or something. Well, for sure there was at least one teacher that was going through a rough time in his or her marriage and probably used that shower. Oh yeah, sure. Sure.

What areas do you feel you need encouragement in? Oh boy. My being proud of things? Yeah. I think constant. Constant encouragement. I think I need a good job,

a clap every day. Yeah, a pat on the back. Yeah, a pat on the head. Keep it up. Good work. Yeah. Skip. Or captain. a good job a a clap every day yeah yeah yeah a pat on the head good work yeah skip or captain um do you how do you like to spend time together that doesn't really work for yourself how do you like to spend time alone oh alone is a yeah what do i love napping oh boy napping is like

i just don't like i don't know why there was ever a time in my life that I didn't nap. I know. Yeah. But boy do I love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't do it. It's not a napper.

I love at the end of the day, not having had a nap and just being exhausted and. Going to sleep. Going to like, I can't keep my eyes open past 10. Yeah. That's a very good feeling. To pick up a book and immediately put it down. Yeah, that's pretty great. You like to spend your time alone going to a pool once a year.

Yeah, just fucking around on my phone. Yeah, I mean, I guess we all just like to fuck around on our phone. Sure. That's really what I like to do. Do you have any fears? All fears. In the preschool questionnaire, are they going to use

these fears against them? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Use them as leverage. My daughter is afraid of a man covered in cotton balls. My fears are, I mean, Sasquatch. Yeah yeah dracula yeah um what am i eating too many chocolate um uh mine are like uh confrontation yeah oh yeah uh you know probably i think like environmental disaster that seems like

that's a good one that's high on the looming yeah yeah yeah yeah the constant threat of you know sexual or physical assault yeah is one for for me and women and stuff and for women absolutely yeah i think also like the uh like i definitely have like irrational fears uh like things that i'm like well that's not that's not a thing probably not gonna happen ever but we're not gonna get a tornado here quit yeah tornadoes graham yeah yeah yeah or like uh you know going to get a life sentence for being falsely, you know, being set up. Oh, yeah, yeah. You know? Yeah.

And then having to try and prove it from inside jail. Yeah. It was so tough. Or like, yeah, get out in a train accident and then have to chase down a one-armed man. One-armed man. Survive a train accident, have a guy who has a bunch of breakable bones harass you. Oh, sure. Tell you you're a superhero.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of my legitimate fears is going to a restaurant or a coffee shop or something where you order at the counter and you tip before you get your stuff. And then it sucks. And then it takes forever and they completely forget your order and you're like i gave you an extra two dollars yeah and then having to to ask about the can i get my tip no i would never do that but like i ordered a latte like 10 minutes ago yeah also like when uh tipping like have you ever done it where, they've covered it in an episode of Seinfeld, but you tip when the bag's- Yeah, and you're like, well, I guess it's just-

Clint, you just rattle the jar again? Hello? Dimes, dimes, dimes, dimes. Put them in one at a time, tell somebody notices. Then pour them all out. Keep doing it again. What profession do you have and are they spoken about at home? Have we already covered that? Yeah.

Oh, do not speak of it. No. And Margo knows that you work with Graham. Yeah, I go in the basement with my friend. And do some work. Come out a couple hours later. That's all she knows. You work with Graham.

What goals, academic or otherwise, would you like to achieve this year? Oh. Ooh. Yeah. You know. Always like to say I'd like to get in shape. Always like to say it. Don't like to do anything about it.

Oh, that's a whole different thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How about you? I was the same. Yeah? Yeah. Get in shape? Get my shit together.'s i want to see

it's so loud dave it's so loud oh that's one of my fears uh so it was really good how are we gonna get in shape uh i've started walking everywhere that's good that's great um yeah i don't know how you get in shape honestly like look at watching this like uh i was talking about on the last podcast this is a mcgregor fight was how these guys look like they're carved out of a piece of wood. How do you get into that shape? You just work out all the way. Eight hours a day, every day.

But I feel like you could like, but you don't, there's like a point where you plateau your as in shape. And that's just, you just maintain. Well, you could always be more ripped. Yeah.

I guess the rock got more ripped. Yeah. Yeah. And it's, that's all. I think that's all diet. Yeah. Yeah, I guess the rock got more ripped. Just bigger. Yeah. And I think that's all diet. Yeah. And weight training. Once you get big, then don't you just have to get rid of all the fat surrounding it? And so just so the muscles stick out more?

I guess, yeah. And then your muscles get bigger. Yeah, but if your muscles are maxed out, you can still not look ripped sometimes. If you're, you know. Oh, if you're like one of those world's strongest men. Yeah. You're on an all milk diet. Yeah.

All muscle milk diet. Because it isn't like the rock. Why am I talking about this? I have no muscles. Somebody told me the rock eats like cod like three times a day. Would it be worth it to eat that much cod? Is cod even good? You sure they said cod? He gets his blue apron

And just types cod cod cod Cod cod cod cod cod cod Cod cod cod cod cod Everybody What is cod good? Cod, cod, cod, cod, cod, cod. Everybody. What is cod good? What if cod was one of us? Tell me all your thoughts on cod.

Cod, I think all fish is good. Yeah. Even the ugly ones. But like, does it all taste the same? No. All the different fishes? No. No? They have different textures. Yeah, a couple weeks ago your swordfish telling about swordfish it's not flaky

right yeah yeah like some some fish like it touches your mouth and it just like falls into a million pieces oh really yeah and it's so buttery and lovely uh and some are like super super fishy and then some of them are very subtle. Right. Yeah, you don't want to, the thing about fish is you don't want it to taste like fish. Well, like super fish. Yeah. It's a little bit fish. Like what's a super fishy fish? Tuna?

Trout, I think, is a super. Tuna is pretty. Yeah. Anything that's super fragrant, I think. Yeah. It's always going to be. But you guys don't know what cod tastes like? Yeah, it tastes.

I've had it, but I don't know. Is it in the middle of the pack fish wise it's so i've had it mostly fried like fish and chips is often yeah i was gonna say it's like chicken but there already is chicken that's tuna but it's kind of like it's the most you know breadable friable right it holds its shape I think fish sticks are usually cod. Okay. You don't think the rock's eating this. Yeah, he's eating fish sticks and,

uh, chicken fingers. Is that why he's got a eyeliner tattoo? Yeah. Um, what's the next question? Oh, um,

that was just, is there any other information you feel would help us understand or work with you oh i mean yeah yeah i've been doing this show for 10 years that's gonna say something about me yeah better works i like hucking old batteries at uh the fence you know i set up little targets throw batteries at them i don't know if that's gonna help you any but it's good to know about me yeah well i think we got to the bottom of us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dave, what's been going on with you, man? Well, speaking of sexy undergarments.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And staying in shape. I play tennis once a week. In your sexy undergarments. In your dangler wrangler. And any reason you take up a new sport, half the fun is that you get to pick out new outfits. Cool outfits. Yeah outfits yeah yeah yeah

so i've got all my tennis outfits but i never got new underwear i've just been using this whatever old underwear the basically the underwear i didn't want to wear regularly because it didn't fit right so it's not for the loom because it doesn't fit. Right. I gotcha. And so I, a couple of weeks ago, I saw an ad online for this underwear that had a special pouch. Because when I play tennis, after every point, I got to shift something. Something gets stuck to another thing. The thigh is in there somewhere. You're all sweaty. Mom's spaghetti.

in there somewhere. You're all sweaty. Mom's spaghetti. And then and so I saw an ad online for this underwear that was it has a special pouch for the middle. For your special pouch. For my special human

pouch. But it was really expensive so I went and I looked for cheaper versions and I found a version that has two pouches. For that one guy who has the two necks? Well, no, it's for, you know, the two. Your ding-dong and your ding-a-ling. Yeah.

Your dangler and your thudders. It's got two. Wow. And what are the results of this? so i've been wearing this for a couple it was it was but it took you a minute to figure out yeah because they're not the pouches aren't they're not like there's no real wall one has a hole you put something through i thought you put everything through but no just one thing. But then I don't see where the second pouch is, but it's just whatever.

It's just whatever. Well, no, but... Don't find us, we'll find you. In there, I guess all men's underwear has one pouch, if that counts as a pouch. Sure. Because it was just, you know, support in the middle. Yes. I'm just being so delicate. Just, you know, support the middle.

I'm just being so delicate. And so, yeah, I got it. And it did take a while to figure out. And it's fine. Yeah. Is it any better than just regular single pouch? At first, but it does. Like when you're doing any sport, it moves around.

Stuff moves around. Flapping, moving, shifting. doing any sport, it moves around. Stuff moves around. Stuff. Flapping, moving, shifting. Shifts, grows, shrinks. Yeah. It grows when you're doing really well. You're like, hubba hubba. Big serve. Step backhand.

Woo. And yeah, so it's been a growing experience. Uh-huh. But I would but I would not eyebrow waggle. Uh, it's not, uh, I think it's not worth buying the special underwear. I mean, it wasn't expensive, but I wouldn't, I'm glad I didn't get the very expensive. I've never bought a pair of expensive underwear. Like not ever. Like always ever like always just we had a sponsor for one episode that sent us underwear and it's so good uh yeah i've worn it it's it's

pretty good stuff but you know and the undershirt was really good yeah yeah but i would never buy a i would i would never buy a pair of fancy i mean unless my doctor was like you need to have this underwear medical under medical advice you get a note from your doctor you go to victoria's secret my doctor said i have to wear these that shoppers drug mart upstairs at king's game mall that has like oh yeah yeah i'm here to buy some compression underwear my butt's out of control and my dick's too big i need something with several pouches it has fingers oh man you know as weird as i saw and i i kind of, I was like, huh, is that a thing? I saw a girl wearing a hoodie that was branded with Victoria's Secret.

Yeah. Is that, I always thought that, like, I didn't think of them as a brand like Adidas that you like. War clothing. Yeah. I thought it was just like the one type of clothing. It was underwear and et cetera. Normally their branded stuff is the like college girl. It's called pink.

That's their brand. And they have like, they don't have a ton of clothes, but. No, this one just said Victoria's Secret. Yeah. It could have been a promotional item too. It also could have been a knockoff. It could have been just like something from Chinatown. I was like, yeah, let's put Victoria's Secret on it.

That's a brand, right? Put it on these sneakers. I would love that if they just put just any brand just as brand flakes on your hoodie. Got it in Chinatown. Yeah, this is an authentic brand flakes hoodie. Oh boy, the brand flakes catalog came in the mail. A lot of sexy ladies in there. Just eating.

Eating Brand Flakes in lingerie. Oh boy. So yeah, that's me. I have special underwear. Yeah. You've got a special athletic supported underwear. Yeah. Yeah. You've got a special athletic supported underwear. What's going on with me is. Oh, you.

Should I ask? No, no, no. Is this evening, past guest Katie Ellen Humphreys. Uh-huh. Had an extra ticket to Guns N' Roses. Tonight you're going. Oh, shit. I'm going tonight.

Guns N' Roses. Tonight you're going. I'm going tonight. And I was thinking if I could from you two get because I want to play kind of an ongoing

like bingo game in my head of things. Oh, things to see or hear or whatever. So who's in Guns N' Roses? Is it the original?

It's the OG lineup. It's everybody, isn't it? I mean some OG line, some pre... Because they had a lot of turnover in the 90s anyway. Yeah, but it's Slash, Duff, Axl, and... The other guy. Is Izzy?

Or Gilby? Yeah, I think Izzy. And then who's the drummer? Was he Izzy? Was that Steven Adler? Yeah, maybe a new drummer. Maybe they got a fresh drummer. Was that Steven Adler? Yeah, maybe a new drummer. Maybe they got a fresh drummer. Maybe they're spinal tapping this and they got a new drummer.

But this is not in this lifetime, too. How many members of Velvet Revolver are in it? Not enough. Yeah, not enough. Maybe in the opening act. Who is the opening act? I don't know. Is this at a,

what's the venue? This has got, it's got to be at, like, jam playsers and shit. Yeah. The stadium or the arena? It's got to be the arena.

I'm guessing the arena. The arena, yeah. Current members, Axl Rose, slash Rose, oh, they're married.

That's nice. Duff McKagan, and that's, I think, it. Those are the big ones. Those are the ones that are... OGs. OGs. Then Dizzy Reed.

Oh, Dizzy. I've heard of an Izzy, not a Dizzy. Richard Fortas. Now we're getting from Fortas and... He also sells their insurance. That's what he... He doesn their insurance yeah that's what he he doesn't also that's all he does he's got a desk

at the back of the stage and he's got a stamp he keeps doing this guys can you give it down Frank Ferrer Frank Frank Ferrer keyboards he's the drummer. Oh, okay.

And Melissa Reese. Oh. Oh, back up. It says, according to her Wikipedia, she's an American musician and model known for her collaborations with Brian Brain Mantia and her current position in Guns N' Roses. What is that position? But it does not say what that is. Synthesizers.

Ah. Ah, cool. I don't remember a lot of synths in there. I was going to say that. You know, just fill it up. Oh, and that one part in November Rain. Oh, yeah. She'll do the string parts on it.

Yeah. So what do you guys think I'm going to see? You're going to see a guy with a KFC bucket on his head. Who has written on it, where's bucket at? Yeah, or, you know, something. Yeah. I think there's going to be that sort of, like,

ironic monster truck crowd a little bit. Okay, like some gawkers. Some hipsters who are like, let's dress up as Guns N' Roses fans. Yeah. I think you're going to see jean jacket vests.

Oh, yeah. For sure. You're going to see that probably in the mirror. You may not be wrong um okay you're gonna see long hair on dudes or you're you might see some of that sort of like early 2000s bon jovi hair that was very housewifey oh yeah yeah yeah a lot of guys with that Kate Gosselin hair do you think I'm gonna see a dad

with their teenaged kid on the phone the whole time or got their tablet like those kids we saw at the cure and she was just reading her book the whole time she's totally ignoring the cure the whole time and laying on a yet reading some like young adult novel so and her parents were

like having a blast and this kid was like fuck this but i don't know that's what you're gonna see um yeah i wonder if it's if i'm gonna see some intergenerational... Planetary. Yeah, like this was the music your daddy and your mom conceived you to. Yeah. Well, when we went to the cure, there were some old goths there. And there were people wearing half goth costumes. Like I'm wearing whatever. Khakis and a cape.

Khakis and a white polo because I'm a Nazi, but also a goth cape. There was a guy in a cape that was like, you know, he seemed like it was authentic. Like, this was his cape from back in the day, but he hasn't worn it in a while. And he'll just put black lipstick on. Yeah. worn it in a while yeah i'll just put black lipstick on yeah yeah like uh but and was he like i don't know if i've seen a lot of bald goths but it it is a look it definitely is like a nosferatu yeah yeah yeah like the billy corgan um you're gonna see i wonder if there'll be any leather pants because that's it's really hot it is. Yeah. But I feel like I definitely want to see them.

Some people will probably. I mean, Axel, his most famous outfit is the underwear. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Just underwear. And a hat. And maybe like Reebok sneakers. Oh, God.

The sneakers. Oh, God. Fuck. What else? I mean, people might do, like, you know, do people do cosplay? Will people do slash wigs? I think people will definitely be wearing bandanas with the backwards baseball hat a la. Or some top hats.

I wonder if, yeah, I wonder if there'll I hope to see there'll be cowboy hats I think you think there'll be cowboy hats that'll be interesting but like the shitty like woven ones

like a basket like not like a what is it like a bayou yeah kind of

yeah you'll see a lot of they're my favorite bayou band so you'll see a lot of bayou stuff a lot of alligators Spielberg alligators yeah

a jug yeah some of the XXX booze you'll see a lot of like not cut off shorts but pants that are just frayed at the bottom oh yeah

those are also very trendy right now so yeah a lot of guys in boyfriend jeans yep distrust boyfriend jeans

let's see what else will you see what are boyfriend in boyfriend jeans. Yep. Distrust boyfriend jeans. Let's see. What else will you see? What are boyfriend jeans? Boyfriend jeans are a thing that women wear that are like an oversized jean. Fun. That look like, oh, I stole this from my boyfriend. They're super comfy. And if you don't wear skinny jeans, you wear your boyfriend jeans.

Okay. All right. But you were born with them. Yeah. Us guys are lucky enough. We were born with boyfriend jeans. Yeah. That's your male privilege right there, Shane?

Yeah, that's true. We just call them jeans. You're just born with it. Yeah. You don't even know you have them. You just have them. What are the eras of Guns N' Roses? There's the early era of they're like.

Pre-use your illusion, right? Well, yeah. But then there's Use Your Illusion with big hair. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Knees, knees. Yeah. And then.

You have like a red plaid shirt you wore all the time. What came? And jean cutoffs maybe in the box. Yeah. That was later. That was like Use Your Illusion time. Okay. Yeah.

And in between there was Lies, Patience. Oh, right. And then after Use Your Illusion, there was the Spaghetti Incident. And that was... Covers? Yeah, it was all covers except... Yeah, maybe it was all covers. And it was just a continuation of the use your illusion.

Because Slash always had the hat. Yeah, Slash has never changed. Yeah, he's been constant. He probably dyes his hair. Oh, you've got to imagine. Do you think anyone will bring a snake? Yeah, I was wondering if there will be somebody there with an animal, like a ferret. A rat?

You can't bring that in here, sir. No, you probably can't, yeah. But they'll probably have a check. They'll be able to check it. Someone's girlfriend will be like, they're not gonna let you bring that in. They'll hear that. And then they just check, they put the snake on a hanger, and then you go,

I forgot my ticket, but it's a big snake. It answers to Claude. Oh, my ticket's in my other snake um uh cowboy boots i i like i feel like we're just mentioning clothes yeah but like uh are we gonna am i gonna see a couple where one of them is way oh yeah the other one is just like i'm along for the journey yeah that or am i gonna see am i gonna see a couple making out oh yeah for sure during probably what song november rain would be the the don't cry um oh what's the other one um i mean sweet child of mine child of mine yeah yeah until the the scary, where do we go?

That's not making out music. No, that's where you round to third. Which is the one from Terminator? Oh, You Could Be Mine. Yeah. I remember that one. Maybe you'll see a Terminator there. Oh, that would be so cool.

And you'll wonder what kind of computations are going on when he looks at you. Yeah. Not a threat. Swoopy. Zippy. Floopy. Floopy. Yeah.

And, yeah. Probably going to be a lot of, I't know more i don't know maybe equal amounts of girls and guys because girls were super into it too but guys were super like yeah uh what is the their first album came about 30 years ago yeah that's like us going to see if we were 20 like in the year 2000 that's's like us going to see Creedence Clearwater or something. Yeah, yeah. In 2000. Yeah.

Yeah. It's, yeah, so there's going to be a lot. I think it's going to be a wide age range. And I think, I'm hoping that I see somebody making out, like to the point of making it uncomfortable for everybody. Everyone uncomfortable. Yeah. Like, do I contact security? Or do I just keep checking this out?

I know. Security will be shining lights on everyone's jeans to see who which have been creamed. Yeah. And did you bring

an outside cream or was it Yeah. Sure. You have to buy their $18 cream Yeah. Jeans cream.

You're going to see some spilled beers. Oh for sure. I'm going to see some There's some going to be shit faced people. Yeah. I wonder if I'm going to see anybody spilled beers oh for sure I'm gonna see some there's some gonna be shit faced people yeah I wonder if I'm gonna see anybody

get kicked out for rowdiness yeah I don't know you're gonna see people high-fiving strangers oh yeah that's a good

that's a good call and a lot of people say where can I smoke yeah can I smoke out here yeah yeah

and like somebody who's just going around inquiring if people are so stoked Can I smoke? Yeah. Can I smoke out here? Yeah, yeah. And like somebody who's just going around inquiring if people are so stoked. Are you so stoked? Axel. Flash. Duff. The other guy. Yeah, the synthesizer lady.

The insurance guy. They got a violinist now. I mean, that would be, yeah, you need synthesizer for the all the orchestral stuff they did uh late career yeah you use your illusion to do you think here's my big question will there be any new stuff oh yeah oh of course oh nuts do they have a new album i don't think so but they've they've been jamming on some stuff, you think? No, but like, you don't know anything from Chinese Democracy. No, I don't. So it'll all be new stuff.

Anything from the last, anything after 1995 will be new stuff. Oh, gross. I hope they don't. I hope that Slash is like like I'm not playing anything that happened post me leaving the band I'm not learning any new songs

uh maybe they'll do some solo songs from Slash's Snake Pit or Duff's Vanity Project Starbucks

doesn't Duff own a bunch of Starbucks stuff he does yeah Duff's super rich oh cool yeah Duff's got it going on

he bought a bunch of in the late 83 he's from seattle so he was like i don't know i'll buy starbucks and microsoft oh wow cool and didn't he just come out with a memoir apparently that's really cool yeah what's his name are making a movie about it too maybe anyway duff mckeegan mckeegan mckagan he but like what was his it was it was equally as dumb a name as flash's snake that it was like duff's party time duff's songs for cool kids they think they all had solo projects yeah gilby clark had pawn shop guitars guys we all remember pawn shop guitars Guitars by Gilby Clark. What was Axl's vanity?

I guess just going onwards with Guns N' Roses and firing everyone? Yeah. Anyways, so yeah, I'll report back on what I saw. Should we move on to Overheard?

Yeah. Hi there. I'm comedian and movie buff Ricky Carmona. And I'm excited to tell you about a new show I'm doing called Who Shot Ya? Join me, LA Weekly film critic April Wolf. I'm going to call Star Wars when it comes out the Clint Howard Project. Film reviews editor for The Wrap, Alonzo Durale. Everything Charlize Theron knows about killing somebody with a high-heeled shoe, she learned from

single white female. Trust me. And our dope-ass friends each week. The stunt guys were asking me, like, do you need a stunt double in here for you to skate? I was like, no, no, I was on skates at three. So if you're tired of whack opinions and you're looking for a smart, funny film discussion show, check

out Who Shot Your Son. That's what we do. And you can find us at MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Allegra Ringo. And I'm Renee Colbert. And we host a podcast called

Can I Pet Your Dog? Renee, can I tell you about a dog I met this week? I wish that you would. In turn, though, can I tell you about a dog hero? May I tell you

about a dog breed in a segment I like to call Mutt Minute? I would love that. Could we maybe talk about some dog tech? May I tell you about a dog breed in a segment I like to call Mutt Minute? I would love that. Could we maybe talk about some dog tech? Could we have some cool guests on, like Lin-Manuel Miranda, Nicole Byer, and Ann Wheaton? I mean, yeah,

absolutely. I'm in. You're on board. What do you say we do all of this and put it into a podcast? Yeah, okay. You think? Alright. Should we call it, like, I don't know, Can I Pet Your Dog? Sure. Alright. What do you say we put it on every Tuesday on Maximum Fun? Or on iTunes? Sounds good to me.

Meeting's over. Overheard. Overheard. It's a segment in which we, well, we'll hear those things. Or we'll see things. And then, you know, we talk about them here. And then hopefully everybody can go on with their lives uh yeah uh we always like to start with the guest abby if you would please yes mine is i don't interact with adults all that often uh fair enough uh so mine

is me overhearing margo playing with her toys. And she has this dollhouse. Margo's a two-year-old? She'll be three in a couple weeks. That's right. So she has this dollhouse, but we just have a random assortment of McDonald's toys and little figurines. I don't have any dolls that live in the dollhouse.

Just a bunch of weird shit that we just... Kinder toys, whatever. Whatever you play with, what you got kid. Yeah. Yeah. And, but we do have these little Peppa pig figurines.

There may be, I don't know, two inches tall, three inches tall. I think they're like six inches tall. Yeah. You'd think they were three inches, six inches.

I set you up. But, and she loves making them take baths and making them use the toilet. And there's a little toilet, this little wooden toilet in our dollhouse. And she was just playing on the floor, and I'm watching TV, and then I realize what she's talking about. And she says stuff like, well, you have to sit down to pee because you have a vagina.

And you can stand up to pee because you have a vagina and you can stand up to be because you have a penis except you had the genders wrong like the sex is wrong right peppa's the girl but she had the penis right and george was a spectrum boy yeah i mean she's very 21st century child yeah yeah yeah very inclusive very intersectional yeah and you just talk about well you have to sit down because you have a vagina well it then makes George sit on the toilet. I think they should all sit down. I don't want to clean up anyone's pee mess. Yeah.

We have two girls, so that's not something we're going to have to deal with. But we did get that pig. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where does the pig go? Pig is actually the only one that's toilet trained. Oh, that's got to be coming up soon. Oh, it's happening, right? We're trying.

Okay. We're trying. Well, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Thank you. During what I assume is a very difficult time. Dave? Mine is. Also Margo.

Yeah, right. So a couple of weeks ago, we were on the beach on gabriola island and uh i was taking care of poppy we had this tent we have like this half tent that's sort of like a shelter yeah and so i was just making sure she was there so no sun was on her and uh i turned around and uh oh no i didn't turn I heard Margo say, I'm pinching a log. And I turned around and she had, like, a clamshell. And she was using the pinch a log. Pretty good.

Yeah, it was pretty good. She doesn't know. No, it's great. She doesn't know our cool slang. Pinching a big log. That is cool slang. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool slang for adults

um what the hell is my oh graham we need it now more than ever yeah yeah yeah because both of ours were from the same person mine came out of our body mine comes from somebody that was on the bus uh was it margo it was margo and she was like i love the bus i was like you won't over time give it a minute um oh yeah so there was it was a guy and a gal i couldn't i really couldn't figure out their dynamic because the gal seemed a lot younger than the guy but not young enough to be like the guy being her dad or uncle or whatever and the guy was asking her like a lot of questions but would be the type of questions you would ask somebody that you're just meeting for the first time so she he was asking her all about her tattoos

oh and they were sitting together like they were sitting on one of those two seat areas on the bus so they were together yeah and he was asking her like and what is this and what is this and then at one point and they were all pretty bad like i like turned around to see like what are we what are we all talking about they were all on her like upper arm and on her hand and stuff whoa when did you become mr judge jury and tattoo executioner well i did two seasons on inked oh sure i was the only one at the tattoo parlor that talked people out of them that's stupid no i don't like that no that's not gonna work uh you know what do a clamshell uh pinching a log it'll be funny to me

um and then he said what said, what does this say? It was in some other language. And she said, it says defend yourself. Or at least that's what the internet tells me. Oh, boy. So at least you checked. Kind of. Yeah.

Good enough. You only looked at the top three Google search results. Yeah. Didn't scroll down. That's okay. It probably means defend yourself. It's scroll down. That's okay. It probably means defend yourself. It's also

kind of a weird thing. It's not like believe in yourself or breathe. It's like defend yourself. It's like you need to be reminded of that?

I'm being attacked. Oh yeah. You're doing shit that constantly people are telling you to stop doing and you're just like no but

But what language? Yeah maybe what language was it in like uh did you see it no i couldn't see it it was probably in french or a sanskrit or a character of some some other alphabet yeah it says defend yourself or at least that's what the internet told me i think the guy maybe said cool yeah yeah yeah yeah that's the best like i've seen every tattoo i've seen i thought it was cool yeah yeah yeah and i said cool just pointed at it cool do this is one when when you see somebody that has like a, like a tattoo on their like thigh or something, do people want you to be looking at it?

Or are they like, why are you looking at my thigh? Yeah. I always wonder. Cause it's their eye, their eye grabbing. But in this day and age, I don't know.

I'm so like, like I don't even notice them anymore, especially here in the summertime. I don't know. There's a lot. And it's especially the, I saw the, this cartoon a couple of years ago and it was like a guy with tattoos from 20

years ago and a guy with tattoos now. And the guy from 20 years ago had chest and upper arm and like back and things. Right. And then all the parts that be covered with clothing. And now people have tattoos on their hands and their neck. Yeah. Yeah. Right. And then all the parts that be covered with clothing. Right. And now people have tattoos on their hands and their neck. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And their thighs and their lower legs where you don't necessarily have to have clothing. And so like you're purposefully choosing places where people will see them as opposed to 30 years ago, 20 years ago, you would choose places where you could hide them. They're like presentation. Yes. But you are supposed to. So you're kind of, I guess they you could hide them. They're like presentational. Yes. But you are supposed to look. So you're kind of, I guess they're asking for it.

All right. All right. Good. Also, if a woman has a design on her shirt, but it's over her big boobs, are you supposed to look? Yeah, but you're not supposed to say awooga. What about if a guy has a design on his crotch over his big wiener? Yeah.

Again, you're not supposed to go, hey, Tarzan, can I take a swing on that? What kind of wrangler do you got in that dangler? Now, we have... Not a lot of crotch logos, though. What are the big ones? Well, big ones. The Aerosmith albums? The greatest hits?

I can't think of a single crotch logo. This MMA fighter has been sponsored by big ones. The new Aerosmith greatest hits album from 1991. I think it's from even before Get a Grip. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Now, we have overheard sent in from people around the world. If you want to send one in to us, send it.

Are all the crotch writings on MMA fighters? Well, I assume, you know, where... Like European sports teams? Yeah, right. You know, we're... Like European sports teams? Yeah, right. You know, we have way more logos than... But you don't, there's no brand that, like, puts their logo right there. Uh, Crest. Thank you.

You can send one in to spy at maximumfun.org. And this first one comes from Ram. This is in Louisville, Kentucky. Man to friends walking on the sidewalk. He told me to rock out with my cock out. So that's exactly what I did. Oh, boy. Yeah.

Do you think I'm going to see that tonight? Oh, I hope so. I mean, if it was the Chili's, you'd definitely see some socks down there. Oh, yeah. The Chili's. Yeah. Could I call them the Chili's? Would you call them chilies yeah like the hollies or something or the fans the chilies no we call we fans call them the chilies oh okay um you know like g and r you're gonna go see g and r yeah i'm gonna go see people just call them g and r what uh yeah what are guns Roses fans called?

The something army? The something, the Rosie Gunners. Yeah, Axles Paxles. Isn't that like a cholesterol medicine or something? This next one, Axles Paxles. I mean, maybe. Well, they're getting up there in age-wise, right? Oh, yeah. They've got to keep an eye on that.

It's very, very important. This next one. I'm looking at what Paxels is. Oh, sure. I think it might be some sort of like an antidepressant. Yeah, I think so as well. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Antidepressant. This is from Alex in Boston. I was walking home the other night. Yeah. Um, antidepressant. Uh, this from Alex in Boston. Uh, I was walking home the other night. I passed two ladies in their early twenties walking an especially goofy corgi puppy. As I walked by, I smiled at the dog and then heard this exchange from behind lady one.

Oh my God. That guy just smiled at Chachi both in unison. Yay. Chachi. And when I glanced back, one of them was holding the puppy triumphantly in the air while the other was applauding. Yay, Chachi. Yay, Chachi. Has any dog, any breed of dog captured the internet's imagination more than the corgi?

Shibas. Shiba Inu, yes. Doge. Oh, yeah. Oh, Doge. I think it's close. Yeah, I really, because they're very goofy, right? And they always look like they're especially happy.

And they have strange little bodies. And any time they've crossbreed with other dogs, they have the same body shape. With short legs. Yeah. My dad literally sent me that picture this morning. Of a bunch of dogs. Nice. Crossed with corgis.

Yeah, the, I don't know, you're right. Well, for a long time, though, it was pugs. Yeah. Pugs were really like. They're still around. There's people making cartoons and stuff, right? Yeah. Comics and things.

Pugs are fun to draw, I'm sure. Oh, yeah. So wrinkly. Bunch of lumps. Big eyes. This last one comes from Joshua in Tampa. This is some guy

at a store. I think it'll look sexy next to my Keurig. I don't know what looks sexy next to a Keurig oh i don't know what looks sexy next to everything no way man nothing can compete with a keurig yeah sleek so sleek so wasteful pods you can get decompostable pods now oh decompose compostable no decompostable yeah you put them in the compost and they come back as actual full coffee things there was a i went past a place in edmonton that was like a store that that's all they sold was

keurig and yeah there's an espresso store too i hate them yeah i don't i've never i think they taste bad yeah and have you ever seen the inside of one of those pods looks like spider web oh yeah yeah yeah it's very fierce yeah yeah vipers tarantula furs inside of that was off the oh no you're not gonna play maybe i'll play that at the end yeah uh in addition to overheards that are written and we also accept your phone calls everyone has a phone and dave's got one in his hand i got one in my hand right now and it's but it's only it's like a comfort device sure you're just using it to tell the time i'm not looking up the phone number because i haven't memorized as do you one eight four four seven seven nine seven six three

one that is one ugh spy pod one like these people have i was gonna say this is the first time i've been on since the new phone number and hunter every time i hear ugh whatever the fuck it is it makes me laugh so big ups to hunter thank you very much what was hunter's solo album called? Hey, Dave Graham and Super Duper Guest. This is Logan calling from Vermont. I just overheard a little Quidditch boy saying to his dad, Papa, is Brooklyn even a real place? Well, some people say. I hear about it in stories.

Yeah, yeah. If you really believe. Why are they speaking English? They're French. Maybe that parent is English. Maybe they're a bilingual family. Oh, how do they make it work? I don't know.

Well, two languages. Yeah, probably. Yeah. I feel like I should learn French. Yeah, it's not too late. It's probably too late. You should learn Mandarin. When, it's not too late. It's probably too late. You should learn Mandarin. When are you going to use it out here?

I'm never going to use it out here. You're never going to use it. Yeah, maybe I should learn Mandarin. Yeah. But then don't I have to learn? I've got to learn a whole new alphabet. Yeah, but. Not right away.

You'll totally be able, you'll blow people's minds. They will never be expecting you to know Mandarin. That's true. Yeah, people will love it. Yeah. Okay. All have sold me you should do yeah you like you you could do fringe tours of you know beijing uh yeah uh shanghai yes uh peking that's it that's all you know uh yeah what other cities guanju there you go nice foxconn here is your next phone call hi dave and graham and probable guests uh this is james in raleigh north carolina this is an overseen i was walking through a parking lot and came across a car that

was presumably owned by a high schooler who had taken some window paint and written all over their windows messages like seniors class of 2018 and drawn some fun butterflies and whatnot all over their windows. But on one of the back windows, the following had been written. I pee in my car. Yum. The last had been written. I pee in my car. Yum. The last word there was yum. If you didn't hear it.

Ready, great. That's not a brand. We're a butterfly graduation car. Well, so one of the improv kids peed in a bottle. Left it in your car. If I could put pee in a bottle. I don't actually know the melody

of the next part of the song. I just wanted to hear about the vapors that would kill people. Oh yeah. There might be some poisonous vapors. Vapes. You can get pee vape now. Yeah?

Yeah. But it's artificial pee, so it's not like... Yeah, it doesn't really injure you. Yesterday, I saw a guy who was vaping, and sometimes the cloud is so thick that it looks like cotton is just falling out of their face. Sure, yes. It's really like... As much as we make fun of it, like the cloud is so thick that it looks like cotton is just falling out of their face yes it's

really like i is as much as we make fun of it it's pretty cool it's cool to see yeah it is cool i do like the vaping competitions are yeah and i like seeing you know when something shows up on an instagram of a video of a guy you know vap bubbles. Oh, I've never seen that. The chimp? Oh. Into his butt. Yeah. Here is your final overheard, baby.

Hey, Dave and Graham. This is Mike in Minneapolis. I've got an overheard that I think you guys will enjoy. I was sitting at my local burger shop, Culver's, for those who are aware of what that is, and there was a family about two tables down from me. The mom was teaching her kid, who was probably about eight years old, how to play tic-tac-toe. And so she was going over, X goes here, O goes there, that sort of thing.

And so she looks at him and goes, what do you want to be? And he looks at her and he goes, I'm going to be X, because X means death. I guess it does. You have X eyes? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dead. If you drink, yeah.

Drosekis, you die. You know that they've got a young, most interesting man in the world. Ah. And so what happens to the old? He died. Oh, no. Ex-eyes.

But he died in a very interesting way. In his sleep. But the human body is, you know. Yeah, fantastic. It's a horror house. Yes. It is a horror house? Horror, horror, horror.

What? Do you think by the age of eight, the kids should already know Tic-Tac-Toe? Not necessarily. We've never played it before. Yeah, I mean, it's hard to believe that. Well, if you never were in a really cold car and doing it on the window. Yeah. Or if you were never bored.

Yeah. If you had a phone, then. That's true. I wonder if, but then. The time wasting games you played as a kid.

Yeah. What did you do? Hangman. Yeah, we did hangman in church. A lot of hangman. Although it was church, so we did crucifix man.

Jesus. We did. AKA. I mean, a lot of people were crucified. Jesus is just like the most famous. The famous did. AKA. I mean, a lot of people were crucified. Jesus is just like the most famous. The famous guy. Yeah.

They didn't invent it for him. Who are your favorite underground crucifixions? Oh, boy. The really cool ones. The other two guys who were crucified with Jesus? Yeah, sure. Gooey. Louie. Yeah, Louie of Nazareth.

Yeah. And Droopy of Jerusalem. Yeah, sure. How manyareth. Yeah. And. Droopy of. Of Jerusalem. Yeah, sure. How many Bible cities can we name? Bethlehem. Yep. Samaritan. Galilee.

Galilee. Sodom. Yeah. Gomorrah. Gomorrah. The Mount. Mount Sinai. The Red Sea.

The Dead Sea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, of course. the city of David. Which is Bethlehem. So we did it. We named all the important biblical cities. Good job, team. Well, that's the end of this here podcast.

Abby, you have your own podcast. What? I do. I try. When did this start? Where do you do it out of? Your butt. Live from Dave's butt.

We're in pouch town. He's too busy worrying about where to put his ding dong in front of his underwear. He's not taking care of what's in the back of his underwear. Hey, if I knew where to put my ding dong, we wouldn't be in this mess. Yeah, the fashion hags. Fashion hags. Comes out every two weeks. And, I mean, your Instagram, it's blowing up with pictures of the adorable twosome.

Yes. And Huey, Doosome the adorable twosome. Yes. And, uh, we do some and lose. There's a grandpa every once in a while. Yeah. And there's some other shit. And grandpa's got his own,

right? No, his own hashtag. Oh, this guy's own hashtag. Right. Some other people keep getting on that grandpa dog hashtag. Go fuck yourself.

It's mine. Really? Yeah. Yeah. You look at hashtag grandpa dog. It's mine. Yeah. Yeah. You look at hashtag grandpa dog, it's 90% grandpa and then a whole bunch of other assholes. How do you protect the hashtag? You really can't. Once you put it out in the world, it just becomes what it is.

It's just what it is. That was actually going to be my wedding hashtag. Grandpa dog. Because it's my friend, Gramp, and he's marrying a dog. Nice save. Stupid. I'm so stupid. Abby, this has been the longest we've been able to talk.

I know. And Graham horned in the whole time. Yeah. Like, we... Uninterrupted conversation. We share a bedroom with an eight month old. Yeah. So it's a lot of, once we go to bed, it's be quiet.

I'll text you. Yeah. The question I have. Yeah. Let's watch TV with the captions on. And if you, thank you very much for being here oh my pleasure I'm happy it worked out if you like the show out there head over to maximumfund.org to check out the blog recap pictures and videos relating to the content of this podcast maybe what was that guy's solo album

pawn shop guitar Gilby Clark yeah yeah yeah Gilby Clark's Pawn Shop Guitar and you know weird underwear yeah no I don't want to you know what

I'm not gonna you're keeping that yeah I don't want to just post a picture of your dick okay you know what I'll do a drawing

I'll do you know what I'll put a piece of paper over it and trace it no not trace it I'll rub charcoal over of paper over it. And trace it? No, not trace it. Oh, a rubbing.

I'll rub charcoal over it. You know that there's a show in Britain, like the blind naked date or something like that, and where you see the bachelor or bachelorette sees the genitals of the person they're going to go on the date with? Do they also see the face or do they just see the whole thing? No, no. Everything's blocked out. Just the genitals. You just see. What thing? No, no, everything's blocked out. Just the... You just see...

What the hell kind of world are we living in? And like, what guy's going to turn one down? Yeah. Yeah. Is it possible I can go on a date with all three of them? So, yeah, a picture of, you know uh a clam pinching a log pinching a log um and if you like the show uh you know listen to some of the uh other shows on this network there's all sorts of great shows yeah sure go over to itunes leave us a review why not what

do we care uh and thanks for listening if you like the show tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of stop podcasting yourself this is from ponond Shop Guitars. Oh, yeah. Slash didn't sing on his own stuff. Gilby sang his own stuff. That's why Gilby's number one with me.

Say your prayers, something, something. Yeah, basically. I mean, he sang his own stuff. There were just no words. Finn just singing to himself in a microphone. At the end, he does a whistle solo how is there still no singing we get it oh here it is Can you imagine?

Crystal ball is the power that made you mad. You can't save yourself. Oh, here we go. You're dead for a million years. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh.

You're going to take a while to get to the chorus, Gilb? There's a viper in your bedroom. Viper in your bedroom? Oh, no. Are you going to take a while to get to the chorus, Gilb? Viper in your bedroom. Oh, no. Ty and Angela fuzz. It's a spooky song. It's spooky. Hey, Abby, are you trying to covertly film me?

I'm not trying to covertly film you. Here we go. Woo! We're a minute 40 in. First chorus. Kill me. Or kill me. Ah! Tarantula fuzz.

Woo! If it was an Eminem song, we would have had him do a take of just reactions. He did become very silly. Eminem? He started silly. But then when he did the D12 stuff, he got real silly again. Boing!