Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 496 - Andy Haynes

Episode Date: September 18, 2017

Comedian Andy Haynes joins us to talk soccer, dog puns, and Dunkirk.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 496 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's so excited that it's the first kind of cool day post-summer apocalypse, Mr. Dave Shumka. I mean, it is and it isn't. We still had to bring a fan down here. Dad fan.

But it's raining. We still had to bring a fan down here. Dad fan. But it's raining. It's raining men. And hallelujah for the first time in forever. No, it's recorded history. It's wonderful. It's the best. We're wearing long pants. We're wearing long pants like big boys.

We are, I mean, I was going to, it's a Saturday. So normally I would wear like a button-up shirt, but hey! Yeah, yeah, yeah, fun Saturday. Fun Saturday t-shirt. I'm wearing full socks,

not those little ankle dealies that I've been wearing all summer long. No, yeah, the whole reason we love cold weather is outfits, outfits,

outfits. Yeah. Yeah. I can't wait till a sweater. I want a sweater You're wearing a sweatshirt No, I'm pre-done It's totally uncomfortable

I'm excited for it to be comfortable That voice you hear is our guest A first time guest appearing on the podcast He has a new podcast of his own Called Fine and Dandy with Dan and Andy Mr. Andy Haynes is our guest Hi Hello

Hi Andy Thanks for having me. Thanks for coming. Yeah, thanks for coming down. Should we get to know us? Mm-hmm. Get to know us. When are we going to get into the tunes?

Oh, you wait. You'll know. What's rocking your world these days, Andy? Just like the new LCD sound system. Is it? I like it. It's all right. They're a band that I don't know.

I assume I was alive during their heyday. Yeah. But I don't know anything about them. I don't think I know a song. Their heyday is great. Is it? Yeah. Is it really?

What kind of music is it? It all kind of holds up. It heyday is great. Yeah. Is it? Yeah. Is it really? Like, what kind of music is it? It all kind of holds up. It's kind of, what would you call it? It's dance. Shake and rock and roll a bit? It's almost like electric dance, but with, like, all acoustic music, or with instruments almost. Yeah.

It's like people are playing dance music. Oh. It's really fun and his like lyrics are like really kind of nonsensical and My problem with them is that they

made a big deal about breaking up. It's annoying. And they didn't go away for long enough. Yeah. Like if you're gonna same with Broken Social

for like two or three years. Broken Social scene was broken up for like four years but they made this big like this is our last album isn't that doesn't jay-z always does that this is the retirement album i'm signing off forever i have i feel like i get it with rappers but come on you're a band yeah like you a bunch of you had

to agree to this yeah you're a band come on just stay together it's weird like because when a band uh releases an album and goes on tour, that's the only time that I care that they're together. They could break up in between tours. Exactly. And never talk to each other. That'd be fine. I think this LCD sound system was seven years, maybe,

but that's not unheard of for a band to take seven years between albums. No. No, that's... Yeah, it was five. It was five years. It was 2012 was when they broke up. Anyways, they're great.

They're great. Okay. I gotta give them a listen. They're comedy adjacent, I would say. The lead guy, James Murphy, is kind of a goofball. Like that.

He's friends with Reggie and does goofy stuff. From Archie and goofy from Disney. Reggie Jackson. His friend's like, which is comedy adjacent because he was in

The Naked Gun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what, you've got a new podcast. Yes. How new? Why now? That's the Charlie Rose question.

Why now? Well, no, I just, i moved in with a guy um we wanted to make it official um we're both registered we both made a lot of mistakes and now we have to live as adult men together um no i my buddy from seattle moved down to la we got a place yeah and then he was podcasting and i was like, I've always wanted to do a podcast. And so we're trying to do a podcast. How many episodes are we? 13, 14. Oh, okay.

Like we've been doing a couple of months. We're doing it weekly. Yeah. It's pretty fun, but it's also- W-E-A-K-L-Y? Yeah. Very atrophied, bad levels. Whispering the whole time.

Yeah, we just lose a guest's entire audio feed. It's great. A lot of the content is, can you bring me some hot water with lemon in it? Yeah, I don't. I'm jaundiced. I don't feel up to this. Now, you're saying that this is the first time you've lived with an adult male in quite some time is this a yeah yeah and is this why now would you believe i keep on moving in with ladies before i should move in with ladies i believe it uh yeah i have a bad habit

while they're in the shower yeah i'm like hey i live here now and they're like the shower? Yeah, I'm like, hey, I live here now. And they're like, I don't know you. And I'm like, let's get to know each other. This is my Ottoman. Very creepy about my Eames recliner. Do you? No, I wish. Oh, man. Yeah. I mean, that's a fancy chair.

I watched, like, you have to have a, you can't be living with a male friend. No. Unless that's the only thing that you bring is just your Eames chair. And you, like, own no other things. Like, you saved up a lot of money. You sleep on the Eames chair. You eat on it. How cool would that be?

That'd be really cool if somebody, like, lived in their Ferrari, too. He lives in his car, and you're like, what kind of car is it is a bentley yeah really nice he sleeps sitting up in the front seat in a suit yeah in a chauffeur's costume putting on my sleep gloves um yeah it's uh i up until very recently was living in basically an animal house type scenario. And it's nice to be away. Did you like it for most of it? No. It was cheap, though.

I liked how cheap it was. I need to be better about that. For some reason, I don't care about money. And I'm just constantly like, well, whatever. We'll spend the money to have the quality of life. And it's just like i'll find myself being like you can't afford this what are you doing you live in a bentley um yeah i mean i'm yeah i'm a little bit that way too like when i heard that amazon took over uh Foods, I was like, I guess I can shop at Whole Foods now. Yeah, yeah.

Like, where's the logic there, Dave? Yeah. But some things are down 43%. Yeah, I guess, like, I don't, yeah, I don't think about certain things I will be like, Oh, I would never buy the cheap version of, but it's still always stuff like, like cheese. Like I wouldn't buy like cheap cheese. Yeah.

I know comics that are like, they just like eat a potato every day. They don't have medicine, you know, they live on couches and they're just like, this is, this is obviously what it would have to be like to be an artist or whatever.

And I'm like, I need a special kind of face lotion. I heard Pharrell exfoliates every day. I bet. He looks, he has not aged. Can you exfoliate with a beard? Yeah.

I mean, I can't grow facial hair, so I don't know. You have you exfoliate with a beard? Yeah. What do you do? I mean, I can't grow facial hair, so I don't know. You have to exfoliate around the beard? I think you can put something nice, a nice thing that suds up, and then it's like a loofah on your face. It really... I... What do you... Exfoliating is when there's little bits of stuff in it?

Yeah, like a scratchy... Yeah. Yeah. I think? Yeah, yeah. It's like when you got the i think uh it's actually like a huge problem because all the little plastic things that they put in i mean they are in the ocean and the fish are eating them it's fine though like i i i make my own i i put like old gi joes in a blender and I make my own scrubbing nodules.

Makes toxic things at home. Yeah. Artisanal GI Joes. I make my own lead-based paint. I add fluoride to my own water. I think you can get ones that are like, you know, apricot. Yeah know, it's apricot. Nut, nut, yeah, ground up apricot. Oh, yeah, yeah.

But apparently all the fish ate the plastic and now we eat the fish. We eat the plastic. The fish still tastes great and I get all that plastic. Something my body needs anyway. The fish are so glossy. You just peel off their scales like a wrapper. The fish are so glossy. You just peel off their scales.

Like a wrapper. The fish all look like primates from the Winona the Big Brown Beaver video. It never goes bad. Like, you just leave it out on the counter. It's still perfect. Do you want to smoke this? The package, it's just,

it has instructions on the fish. I can't wait for that future it's it's i just like this morning was reading about you guys know driscoll that makes like strawberries oh yeah i am about like makes the strawberries uh mother nature makes oh is it like a bc hothouse company no it's like it's the biggest berry company in the you're talking about big berry i'm talking about big berry and these like they uh they spend so much time and like technology making them uniform oh really because that's i guess what people oh yeah want but they don't taste as good as berries that would just grow randomly. Yeah.

But they're like, what people care about is consistent color, and they don't really care that they taste kind of gross. Do you eat berries? Are you a Driscollman? I like berries. Yeah. When I buy them, the only thing I care about is I turn them over to see if they're rotten on the bottom. Yeah. Strawberries especially.

Because if you get some juicy ones, you know. I almost don't buy anything that can go bad. Do you know what I mean? Like you're buying everything in cans?

No, like I buy carrots, I buy apples, I buy... But these can go bad in time. But you know what I mean? Like a berry, a berry you can just

turn away. You gotta eat them on the way home. Yeah, and they'll just be bad. I don't buy, I don't buy be bad. I don't buy pussy. You don't buy pussy? Not anymore, I stopped. No, I don't buy berry.

I'll buy like frozen berries. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But I feel like that's like, do you guys ever think about the fact that like how much stuff goes bad, how quickly, and how much they just must throw away yeah yeah because it's got to be insane it's got to be as much as we buy yeah well like

you know uh baby carrots yeah you know what like why those were created aren't they just gross carrots they're gross carrots and they like shave them yeah so they were like carrots that they would just literally throw this looks like a witch's dick. I'm going to shave it. Shave it down. Now it looks like a turtle's dick. It's those carrots that are like this. You mean like they're like deformed. And they're like, that would be good if we skinned it.

Yeah, if we skinned it and just made it into a tiny little like pod. And the carrot's like, no. Don't you understand? I grew the, I'm the next generation of carrots i wonder what they do with all the pulp if that's like our carrot juice oh it would explain why we drink so much carrot juice and then we went to the carrot farm and we how much carrot juice are we drinking in your estimation well i never have bought like pre-made carrot juice. I don't know where you would buy it. I guess at Whole Foods.

Carrot farms. Juice places will... Pick your own carrot farms, juice your own carrot. It goes well with orange juice. Yeah, that's what I have. I have carrot orange ginger a lot. Stop putting ginger in juices. It makes them gross.

Is it too spicy? Too gingery. Oh, yeah. The crank is the most cantankerous con. Stop putting ginger in things. That seems like something that

Andy Rooney would have... Yeah, that'd be a great idea. Can I be the new Andy Rooney? Oh, boy, I hate a lot of stuff. Nothing's right. That's such a good Andy Rooney. Key fobs. In my day, turning a key was a pleasure.

It's part of the fun of opening a door. Apps. He just hates. And then sometimes you get in the car and you don't even need to put the key in. You just push a button. Get real. Give me a break no i have to be get real yeah yours is get mine get real i've been doing that um renting cars a lot lately because i'm on the road and i've been just taking the key and just jamming it into the steering wheel and then like four minutes in being like, not four minutes.

It was just like four attempts in being like, oh, this is a keyless car. Like, what am I doing? Like, you know, jamming it into the steering wheel. But why? For four minutes? I'm getting tired of this. I guess my question is like,

I get why they have, you know, the self-parking cars and self-driving and rear-view cameras and stuff. And that's stuff that people think they want. But who thinks they need... Like, I can't turn the key. I don't know. Yeah, because that to me was always... Look, if you're being chased by zombies, this is part of it.

Not turning on. But searching for the key. Yeah, This is part of it. It's not turning on. But searching for your key is. Yeah, searching for the key. I think the whole thing is, so it's just you don't take your key out of your pocket? Mm-hmm. That's like what the whole science is supposed to be? Like that's the luxury?

Yeah. It's like you just sit down and you don't even. Because my car has a feature where you roll down the window, you push one button. You don't even need to hold down the button. You just push it all the way down, and the window rolls all the way down. But now they have ones that will do it all the way up, too. I don't have that.

Oh, wow. I feel like really less than. What kind of cars are you renting? What are they giving you at these places? I have a Mitsubishi Lancer right now. Whoa, dang. And I had a Kia Sportage Lancer. Whoa, dang. And I had a Kia Sportage last week. Nice.

But what I really had, the fun one I had a couple weeks ago was a Dodge Challenger. That thing was so fun. Is that a big? Yeah, it's like a muscle car. I drove to Utah and back from LA. Because I got an audition, a callback on an audition, and it was going to fuck up my flights. And so I was like, fuck it, I'll drive. Because I had a gig the next night in Utah.

It was like an 11-hour drive. I was like, why not? I'll do it. I'll see the desert or whatever. Oh, did you? Yeah, I guess you drove through the. I drove like. You have to go through Nevada.

Yeah, and then you go through part of Nevada, and then you go through all of Utah. Wow. You basically cross the state. Was that cool? Yeah, it was great. Yeah. And I mean and i mean the car it was like it was stupid like i went to get a normal car and then they were like do you want to upgrade and i was just like uh do you guys have a challenger and they were like yeah it's ten dollars more a day so it was like 25 a day and uh this is one of those nice things that you need is an upgrade on the car yeah and you

know i'm not making any money on this gig either it's like i just lost all money i like flew a girl up later too it was just horrible wow what a weekend we moved in with her yeah got a bought a place they probably want that down payment but it was like a hemi i like got up to the car and it was like you know like a growling car like cool and then i i was driving and i like looked down and this is miles per hour i was going 130 miles per hour i wasn't like trying to go under like i just was, like, flying. Across the desert. Yeah, it was great. Oh, man. I've never driven a car that makes the, like, a, you know, like, a loud. And I'm not a muscle car guy, either.

Like, I want to save the world. Yeah, but it was fun. Yeah, you know. I was like, I can get into this. Yeah, I've never driven, like, the only loud cars I've driven have been cars that are really struggling. Cars that are broken. that shouldn't be that shouldn't be happening like your timing belt's loose you're like looking at the guy next to you in the sports car and you're like let's squealing go on a race the uh for a while when i was i worked at a gas pipeline and they gave us a truck. And I can see why.

They gave you a truck? Yeah, like everybody that worked there, they had these company trucks. Because you would like drive up and down the gas pipeline and service it? Yeah, yeah. Where was that? This was in Southern Alberta and like right near the American border. So south of, what's that town that has a hockey team? Calgary? Calgary? No, Lethbridge? Yeah. Yeah, south of um what's that town that has a hockey team allegory allegory no lethbridge yeah yeah south of lethbridge yeah yeah and uh i mean i know the prairies i mean

every town that size has a hockey team i guess but that's weird for us americans we don't like i guess we have minor league baseball but that's about it. Oh, that like every town would have some... Well, wouldn't they have high school football? Is that the equivalent? Yeah, but nobody goes to high school football teams from like...

I guess maybe you do if you live in those small towns. Yeah, what is it called? Friday Night Lights. Yeah, Friday Night Lights. Fry Guys. The Fry Guys. Yeah, Franklin Goes to School.

I think a certain show called Franklin Goes to School illustrated how popular football was. Is that a show up here? No. What about a turtle? Yes. A turtle would be a great football player. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. I mean, slow. Oh, I didn't think about that. I scrapped the pitch, mid-pitch. Oh, you're right. Yeah, very slow. You've been working on it for months. And kind of like, you give him the ball, his knees are already down.

Here's a question, though. Is he allowed to put the ball in his shell? Oh, yeah. I mean, he won't f fumble but he'll be down immediately but the only problem is if he goes into his shell the other players may pick him up and start throwing him around like a football yeah but there's look there's nothing in the rules that says a turtle can't play football that would be great a rule book that specifically like each animal they had to they can't just say all animals can't play

they're like a dog can't play moose can't play like it's just pages and pages yeah yeah there's nothing that says a cyphano for it that would be a great like i have a joke about um like the twilight series because like the you know the twilight series yeah yeah like the third or fourth one is just like bella or whatever her name gets pregnant and then it's like it's really fucked up because she has a vampire in her but she's a human yeah and so she's like um like almost gonna die the whole movie and it's like a medical drama like literally like they're like we gotta figure out how to like deliver the baby and like save bella and it's like a lot of her just like sitting on a bed being like I'm dying

it's just like a medical drama which is really weird because the other ones are like vampires fighting werewolves and then all of a sudden it's just like we gotta figure out

how to save Bella for a whole movie and I was the joke I say is like it'd be like if like all of a sudden out of the Air Bud movies they just had a courtroom drama

to talk about the legality of a dog like it's like a civil court and then like Air Bud's in his suit and his lawyer is a monkey sir put your paw on the bible you swear to tell the truth that was pretty good yeah yeah um you know

it's weird like somebody told me a story about the guys who produced the airbud movies uh the other day like he has two brothers and they Air Bud. And then they literally just kept making them. Like direct to video. There's probably like 20 of them. And there was a MVP. Oh, yeah. And there was Air Buddies with a bunch of puppies. Yeah.

And Space Buddies. And there was different sports too. Yeah, yeah. How'd they do the Space one? They took them up in that plane that goes in GeoGravity. That'd be so cool if they did actually do that and the dogs didn't know what the fight like their training went out the window whizzing everywhere dog shitting everywhere terrified just dog diarrhea flying around that's what it was called overseas that's how they marketed it it was the number one movie

in germany wow yeah um uh your point uh well then the other brother went and made like legitimate movies yeah like well they they at one point one of the brothers was like i can't i'm gonna make capote he did make capote yeah yeah is true? Yeah yeah What? I thought you were kidding And then the other brother's like How about a monkey Playing hockey He gets burnt out And he's like

Hey can I Like help out With your next movie And then it's like Capote But he's like Where's the dog? He's looking through the script This is missing something

is there a dog at any point in this there's not even a little boy uh there's nothing in the rule books that says you can't kill a family oh no wait here it is is that in cold blood. That's what he tried to do for the court part of in cold blood. Oh, man. Yeah, I never saw Capote. It's okay. It's like one of those things where I didn't love it because it's like a movie about a thing. Like about a...

Like it's about an about a thing like about a um like it's about uh an event that already like i don't love biopics usually because it's like you know what happened it's not like ray charles like you're like what happens with ray charles you're like yeah i know yeah he's gonna go blind and then he's gonna have some hits um but this is like about just if you've read in cold blood then you know everything that happens okay because it's. Because it's like, In Cold Blood's very autobiographical. Yeah. You know? So, but it's well acted.

I mean, Philip F. Hoffman's a genius. And then, oddly, they just made another one. Yeah. With the British guy. Yeah, and he's actually, I think, maybe a little better? I don't know. It's really, there's no metric to measure who's better at doing Capote. Yeah, because he's also not relevant to us anymore.

Capote? Yeah, I mean, if you're like a brooding girl that's into design, you read Capote in a coffee shop, and you're like, I wish I lived in New York, you know, in the 50s. But, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's not like, I loved Truman Capote. I think he's a great writer, but it's like, he's not relevant. What about Breakfast at Tiffany's? True. Do you know that the hallmark of,

I was setting you up. I fucked up. It's all right. Do you want me to go? No, no, no. You stay. I keep on giving up on my pitches. You guys leave?

Yeah. But like, it is weird when Hollywood, like they make a version of a person's life story and then some other producer is like, I can do better. Yeah. I can take the exact same content what i bet it is is i bet it's that two people just have it at the same time and then they're just like i did too much work i'm gonna still make this movie yeah we feel like the public people who will go to one capote movie will go to two capote movies and then they're probably

right about that to be honest and like one capote is on dante's peak and the other one is in volcano yes yeah exactly one has to one rises to the top as the armageddon and the other is a deep impact was which one was better dante's peak or volcano i think dante's peak yeah famous or one dante's peak's the one where like the the couple like jumps in the spring and then they just get cooked oh oh yeah well there's one where the couple jumps in the spring, and then they just get cooked. Oh. Oh, yeah. Well, there's one where the guy has to jump across the lava.

Is that Volcano? I haven't seen either of them, and I've only seen Armageddon. Volcano's the one, I think, in LA. Oh. Which one's... Is Tommy Lee Jones in one of them? Is Thomas the Tank Engine in one of them? Yeah, yeah.

Tommy Lee Jones is in Volcano, I think. Yeah. I just remember somebody trying to jump across lava, and they totally don't make it. Do you know what's a great one? It's something about the core. It's called the core. Oh, yeah. And it's like the world's core stops spinning.

Like our core, just for some reason, stops spinning. And so they figure out that they have to jump start the core yeah they have to send a drill down so what is happening on the surface like our electromagnetics are fucked up and like one side it's always nighttime on one side of the world no the world is still kind of spinning but it's like our electromagnetic like birds are just dying and things are exploding and well why did we buy all these electromagnetic birds? Actually, there's a big part of that where a dog explains it to everybody. But yeah, don't planes, they fall out of the sky?

Yeah, planes are falling out of the sky. It's just everything's fucked in. The world's going to spin out of orbit. Who's in that? This is the best part. Stanley Tucci's in it. The Tucci? And Stanley Tucci in the end of it is in,

so they have to jumpstart the core by igniting a nuclear bomb off in the core. Yeah, they have to go in like this drill vehicle. And it's like horrible CGI. And the scientist is a female scientist and her effeminate husband, Stanley Tucci. But it's funny because Stanley Tucci plays just like, you can tell that Stanley Tucci showed up on set and he was like, all right, we're doing this. And then he just was like sassy the whole time. Is there any more likable person in the world than Stanley Tucci?

Well, that's a good question. John Goodman? Oh, yeah, maybe. I take the Tucci. And Stanley Tucci also, I think think was in several of the transformer yeah yeah and he also just kind of like it's like all right let's let's tooch up these scenes and then i am out of here back to capri um but he in the end he's like you know he's like doing like a like a i'll see you in hell like as the bomb's going you know he's like doing like a like a i'll see you in hell

like as the bomb's going off because it's like one of those things where it like did he it like up and you can't just press the button yes or ride it yeah he's like right he used to die yeah that's the conclusion we need somebody to ride on top of the ball yeah he's straddling it he's waving his beret as he's going down. Look at it's a beret. He's got like a striped shirt on. It'd be funny now, because I feel like nobody would be that upset about dying now,

because we're all so just like bitter about, you know, like everybody's so like jaded now by just the world. So like if they were like, we can restart the core with a bomb people are like don't bother or somebody would be like somebody would be like we need a volunteer and so we're like i'll do it who cares i didn't even be that big can i can you you know like make a tv show about me yeah is there like a place to plug my iphone in just so it's just on autopilot the whole time and he's just napping until he gets to the core and just presses is there one thing you want to

say before you you go to your imminent death here's a pepe meme season four of House of Cards wasn't that good. And we will all remember him. I don't think Netflix makes very good season twos of anything. I would say that's a defensible position. I didn't mind Narcos. Oh, yeah. I didn't make it through the first season. Kept looking at my phone. Couldn't read the subtitles.

Wow. I'm Spanish, so I'm not. Really? You looked at me like, really? Maybe. I do have a weird thing for Latin America. What do you mean, weird thing? I just love it.

I go there as much as I can. Where are you going? Where do you like to go? I like to go to Mexico City. much as i can where are you going yeah where you like to go i like to go to mexico city and uh the last time i haven't been i have been but the last trip i went was to rio oh de janeiro or post olympics uh pre-olympics so i guess i went to post world mexico i went to i went for the world cup ah oh cool yeah you're wearing a you took off your sweatshirt and you were wearing a soccer, some sort of soccer jersey.

But I'm not like, this isn't like my team. Do you have a team? Yeah, I do. You're a soccer guy? I'm a soccer guy. What team is this? This is Real Madrid. Okay, sure.

Yeah. Are they related to the Twitter account I follow, Real Donald Trump? I'm a soccer guy. What team is this? This is Real Madrid. Okay, sure. Yeah. Are they related to the Twitter account I follow, Real Donald Trump? Yeah. Same company. Well, what's your team? It's Arsenal. Is that why you have this cannon tattoo?

Yeah, yeah. Okay. It's pretty sad when I explain it to other adults. No, it's a, I don't, you know, that's a thing. There's, it's everywhere don't you know that's a thing there's it's everywhere except north america yeah soccer's it and even canada is better than america uh for soccer yeah yeah like tsn shows soccer versus like espn they do espn only shows it when it's like all the other sports are like literally they're like tennis is over and they're like i guess we'll put soccer on you get some darts up in here yeah it's weird sometimes you'll go

i used to go for lunch and like on wednesdays we were trying to find a place that had wings on a wednesday and every place that has a wing special on wednesday doesn't start till like 5 p.m right so we were trying to find somewhere to eat wings at lunch and uh we went to this pub and it was just full of people watching soccer in the middle of the day because it's 8 p.m in england yeah yeah that's yeah uh it's something i tried to because uh arsenals also thank my cousin's team team Yeah And I tried to get into it But I I don't watch any other sports either

Yeah But I was like I'm gonna make soccer my That's gonna be the one That I follow You're not a hockey guy either? Not really But it's like

If it's playoffs Yeah sure Yeah that's how I am about Basically every sport I've gotten into the Seahawks Cause like Seattle Everybody jumped on that bandwagon Well you're the 12th man Yeah I've gotten into the Seahawks because Seattle, everybody jumped on that bandwagon.

Well, you're the 12th man. Yeah. Literally, I'm the 12th man. Congratulations. He was the first person to be their fan. Yeah. That's nice.

It was just the team and then the stadium was empty and I walked in and I was like, you guys doing something in here? Andy! Sean Alexander looked up. He said,

hey, you should be our 12th mascot. And I said, I'll be back. And then I got a million people. You wrote 12 on a shirt. Now, do you have some sort of cable package where you can watch? No, because the internet is just so easy. Oh, the internet. You can literally watch everything for free.

And you can pay to have all that stuff, but literally you can watch like the Ghanaian under 21 team play, you know, like you can watch anything. It's all out there. You have people around you, the friends that are into it.

Are you just all a man? Yeah, I have friends. I mean, it's weird. I have a few friends in my life. Mainly my mom and my dog, who's also a lawyer. And also a mom.

Yeah, my mom, dog, lawyer. Oh, I can't represent this puppy. This is the power of attorney. Pow, paw, paw. Oh, no. You like this like this right this pun's great it's not it's not my favorite pun power of okay i like it now yeah yeah yeah uh no why not bow wow wow or of attorney that's better that's really good. Wow, you're much better at this than me. I give up again. No, like there's people that watch it.

There's a couple comics that I know that are into it. It's more popular than I'm giving it. I'm just like not used. Like there's kids now that like it because soccer is becoming more popular because of the MLS and things like that. And it's also just like the culture. Like soccer jerseys are cool to wear. Cause like Drake wears soccer jerseys now.

So kids are more into soccer. And like LeBron owns part of Liverpool, shit like that. Yeah. It's like, they're great. He's a big Beatles fan. Yeah.

Really? No. Well, he might be, I don't know. Um, but it's that weird thing where it's like, it's never taken off in a,

in an interesting way for me. Like in the sense like I've tried to go out on Twitter and be like, I'm going to tweet the fucking games and meet the world community because it's huge. Like everywhere else, it's the biggest thing in the world. Why isn't it big in the States? It doesn't make sense either because we play it. Like every single person plays soccer until they're like four till ten yeah and then it's literally like that men in black wand is like waved over your face and it doesn't make you forget it it just makes you

think it's gay for some reason right this sport is now gay to you and then just and then football yeah is is the big one right that's the the also I want to say that I don't think, I'm not using gay loosely like a pejorative. I'm just saying that's what these guys, like I get called. That's what these jags. That's what these jags over here. Somebody's like, hey, I'm a jag.

No offense to any jags out there. Big cat. Or the motor car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The motor car jaguar jaguar yeah the fans of arsenal drive when they're watching football i want to go outside and there's just dog lawyers and jag jaguar doctors you want to go outside yeah can this be a walking podcast oh that would be just everybody we're going up a hill for the next two minutes we're all going up a hill somebody left me a voicemail why i know and the whole voicemail was them breathing heavily and they only told me at the end that they were walking

they were masturbating but it was just like uh hey yeah graham i'm in a marathon i'm so hot and i'm masturbating but i'm way behind i'm jagging off and hey i'm a jag i have to Hey, I'm a jag. I have to keep one hand on a jag if I want to win it. Dave, what's going on with you, man? Oh, boy. Well, not much. This week I saw, what's the loud movie about the war?

Dunkirk. Oh, Dunkirk. Yeah, did you see it? Yeah. So loud. So loud. So loud. People built up how loud it was. I think I saw it in a theater that had extra loudness.

Yeah, I definitely saw it in that. Yeah. Because it was like one of those things where they tried to give you PTSD. Where it was like... Yeah. Like all directional. Mission accomplished. I went to a new theater like um because i i go to maybe three movies a year now really oh you have kids yeah uh and even before

then you know you look at these you can watch these little movies on your phone yeah it's true and you don't have to pay that are are just, you know, three minutes long. Yeah, Capote light. I watch these Capote trailers all day long. Capote YouTube channel. It's really just like people are trying to top Philip Seymour Hoffman. Capote, but a vlogger.

Oh, that's not bad. That is authentically not bad. If I could do a Capote accent, I would do it. Capote girl 15. It's a new movie theater but it was... I feel like they built it out of parts of old movie theaters

like i've been going to new movie theaters and they have like those pop machines that have you know you just program in you have to oh yeah you code what what so do you want what flavor did you get well this one this this new movie theater didn't have that oh it had just like six flavors they pour it for you it was it was like normally i expect to take an escalator to my movie theater oh yeah all the theaters were it was the new movie theater out on uh marine drive yeah i've been there uh and and you're right're right. The weirdest thing is... It's the newest movie theater in town, but it's not... They don't have a ticket booth.

That's weird. What do you mean? No box office. Yeah, there's no box office. You go to a little machine. There's a little kiosk or whatever. They had three little kiosks and one big long lineup. They only have that.

Like, yeah, that's, that's what I thought was weird is that I'm like, well, there's nobody that I can just go up to. Well, there is a person you can go up to, but normally there's like 10 kiosks or more.

And then, or you can line up and talk to a human being. But this had just like, I honestly thought there were no, like, where are the robots I can talk to? Yeah. Are they making soda?

Where are the helpful robots? I was at a movie theater a little while ago, and a guy, I swear to God, a guy walked up and he goes, so what's good? He just walked into a movie theater and he was like, what do you recommend? I feel like that must happen a lot. Do you think? Because people will show up at a movie theater and be like, well, it's 1.40 now

and so this is starting in five minutes or we could see. But to not know what the movies are either. I mean, you really just have to be somebody. It's probably a blissful existence to not know any media and also just to like just randomly say let's go to the movies yeah as opposed to we're going to see this movie at this time like we're just gonna go enjoy film yeah but just to go like it's such an unpleasant experience to go, like, to a movie theater where it's crowded and you might not be able to sit together.

Like, are you going up to the kiosk and saying, what's your least popular movie? Yeah, yeah. What can I get two seats together for? There, bud. All right, well, I'll give it a try. Senator. There's nothing in the Constitution that says. Senator There's nothing in the constitution

That says So I go into the movie theater And then I'm the only one there It was an afternoon movie Yeah I managed to sneak away You were the only

Literally the only one Well Ten minutes before the movie started I was the only one there And then Like two minutes before it started And you were seeing The basketball movie dunk

Erk The guy who gets really A little bit annoyed By all these slam dunks like two minutes before it started. And you were seeing the basketball movie Dunk Erk. The guy who gets really a little bit annoyed by all these slam dunks. These dunks irk me. Did that make up for power? No. Yeah, you're in my good books. Thank you.

And then this like couple of 60-year-olds come in. With their hip-hop. Yeah, their baggy pants. And the guy makes a big deal about me being the only one in there, and he's like, I was going to sit there. And I said, go ahead. I'm leaving. i'll move it's weird that like we've kind of come to a time now where we just want people to leave us alone and it should

be like a like a public kind of like courtesy you know like hey i'm in here by myself because i don't want to interact with people yeah but old people come from a time where like literally like if somebody talked to you you had to be like, good day to you, sir. Can I walk you 10 miles? You know what I mean? Like, yeah, you appear to be unburdened by company. Let me join you. Do you need a stroll with a stranger?

I have a yarn or whatever, you know, like. Let's wax nostalgic. Like when there's, like, spy talk. Like, if I say, howdy do, you have to say, the goose is getting fat. Did you, do you like the movie? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It was a little, like, a little white. And a little male. Doesn't pass the Bechdel test. Where was the representation? Also, poor Tom Hardy, always... Always wearing a mask? Always covering up his face in the films. So beautiful.

You know what I liked about it was I didn't know that was Tom Hardy until the very end. Yeah, I was like, I saw his name in the credits and then it did become a bit of a game of which one of these guys is Tom. I didn't even see that because it was so loud.

That your eyes closed. I didn't know it was a Christopher Nolan movie until Cillian Murphy showed up. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, you're in all these, aren't you? You really like each other. Do you think that they just pal around on set, and that's why he's in all his movies? I don't know.

And Tom Hardy's in a lot of them yeah i guess or at least two of them but like for sure cillian murphy's guy the like main guy they follow looked a lot like christian bale i thought yeah yeah and then was like i'm a gypsy now i can't play an 18 year old soldier the uh I'm a gypsy now. I can't play an 18-year-old soldier. The whole kind of- Is Branagh in other things of Nolan's? I don't know. Who?

Kenneth Branagh. Did you see it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I forgot that he's in it. Wait, Tom Hardy also has a huge part in Inception. Yeah. Yeah. So he's like a total John-

Yeah, I wonder if they all just- Maybe they have- Do you think they have something like a weekly poker game or something on set? That'd be fun. I bet you they do. I bet you they have something fun. What, like... Because, I mean, you know, I would never want to hang out with Tim Burton and Johnny Depp.

Oh, God. Hell in the Bottom Carter shows up? Yeah. Great. Oh, great. Oh, now everything's spooky again. oh great oh now everything's spooky yeah what like director and friend team would you want like what i most want to hang out with like owen wilson and wes anderson or oh yeah like i mean ah what would be i mean it seems like wes anderson and and Bill Murray would go on the most kind of adventures.

Oh, sure. But like, like Quentin Tarantino and Samuel L. Jackson hanging out and you're like, you're both using the N word so much. And Quentin, you're actually using it way more. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Quentin, do you mind? Oh, really? Quentin, this is a shoes off house?

No shit. do you mind oh really quentin this is a shoes off house no shit i went i went into a uh i went into a um mexican restaurant in la and they were like we're closed and i was like oh that's weird it's like seven they're like private event and i was like okay and then i looked in the back and it was just quentin tarantino eating food by himself private event really yeah yeah he just had the whole restaurant to himself i mean he i think he was like that's this is this he's one of he's part of our generation where you just want this place to yourself i mean i think he had like three people with him but i think it was just that kind of thing where like it's probably just annoying to just like constantly have people walking over

and being like i'm sorry i don't mean to bother you but but I'm a huge fan. Yeah, I'm a huge fan of, and then he says a movie that's not even his. I'm a huge fan of the core. How often does somebody go like true romance and he's like, you know, I didn't direct that. What's the one he starred in where he was like a. Dust Till Dawn? No, wasn't there one where he's like a car salesman? Destiny Turns on the radio? Yeah.

Oh, I never saw that. Is it good? It changed my life. Oh. Wow. That's when it was Quentin Tarantino was so red hot

that they were like, yeah, you could star in a movie. That's fine. And it's awful. Oh, yeah. Because he's not a bad actor, but it's only his

kind of stuff that he can do. And I wouldn't say that he's not a bad actor. I feel like he nearly ruined it. His Capote is really good. Yeah, his Australian is not fantastic oh yeah

that's right i forgot about that with the australian in is he one of the wiggles okay he's in uh uh django unchained oh he's like uh like and literally where you're like well i'm i'm good with this movie being over and they're like but also a whole other chunk of movie. I'm working with Kevin Panner and Gavin Matz. Both of those guys are super funny. Yeah. But Kevin has this bit about being hypnotized to lose weight. It's like a weight loss hypnosis, but it's an Australian guy.

And the guy's only telling him not to eat Australian food. Yeah, Tim T tams he's like don't eat tim tams and lollies i lost it i fucking lost it it was so funny i um there was an article i saw online about uh there's an episode of peppa pig the kids show where they uh they befriend a spider okay and there was but this episode's been banned in australia because spiders you should not The kids show where they befriend a spider. Okay. And there was, but this episode's been banned in Australia because spiders, you should not befriend a spider in Australia. Because like everything tries to kill you in that nation. Because the electromagnetic field of Australia.

Gucci's coming. Yeah. And, but then like the next day, Margo was watching an episode of The Wiggles, which are Australian. And they had a song all about a friendly spider. Wow. Yeah. Double standard, man. What if it was like just way worse?

Like it was like. The horn shell, the horn shell. Like the horn shells that, or no. Yeah, the horn shell. It's like, it's a shell that just looks like a shell, but it's got a hole in it. And if you get close to it, it shoots a dart and the dart will kill you in 20 minutes this is australian yeah there's so many things in australia what is this what is that his whole purpose in life i guess i don't know it's just like kill a guy there's like brag to his friends high five their little darts well like there was a thing called uh that australians would tell people that had never been

to australia called drop bears which was these uh like bears would go up in the trees and eat like fermented berries and get drunk and fall out of the trees on people which doesn't happen okay i was like i love this yeah Yeah. Bears? Drop bears. Are there bears in Australia? Yeah, like koalas. Oh, but there's also, I think, like a tiny little bear. A koala. Yeah.

Yeah. And then, but Australians thought they were like, oh, isn't that so funny that people think that exists here? And it's like, yeah, but you have like four foot long spiders and crazy things from like the Jurassic period. They're still walking around. And you also have like a bunch of goofy animals that just shouldn't exist. Yeah, like a kangaroo.

Yeah. Is like pretty bizarre, especially those jacked. Yeah. The muscly kangaroos. Kangaroo jacked. We don't have, we don't have drop bears. We got kookaburras. All right. See, you see what's happening here? Yeah. Quit don't have drop bears. We got kookaburras.

All right. See? Do you see what's happening here? Yeah. Quit naming your things goofy things. A kangaroo's not goofy. Now a wallaby's goofy. So, yeah.

Saw Dunkirk and really bothered me when that guy slam dunked. Yeah. Not my understanding. Yeah. From the free line? I think they must have lowered dunked. Yeah. I'm not lying to say. Yeah, from the free line? I think they must have lowered the hoop. Yeah. Yeah,

it was a different time. And I feel like he traveled. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. But they weren't calling it back then.

Also, the guy from the boy band is in it. Harry Styles. He's good. Yeah. He's fine. I mean, he's fine.

Yeah, he's fine. Yeah, he's fine. You know, he's like, I don't want to fuck him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I get it, yeah. But it was distracting the whole time. In a plane. When I was wondering, is that guy from One Direction? The whole time I was going, when's he going to sing?

And then he does at the end. It's weird how he's part of the army the whole time, and then he's like, I'm going to go solo. And he starts his own. Yeah. He has a one-man army. Yeah, and you're like, oh, that's weird. He just hired session soldiers to back him up. It's weird how One Direction, because I keep on seeing these names.

I never obviously listened to One Direction, because I'm a 35-year-old man. Sure. But then I'll look, and I knew Harry Styles, and I knew Zayn Malik. never obviously listened to one direction because i'm a 35 year old man sure and uh but then like i'll look and i knew harry styles and i knew zane malik and then that other guy just came out liam pain yeah and he was like on cordon and like they did like a duet off and i was like is this like another one direction guy like like did they just it's like they exploded and they all it's like like a it's like a um like almost like a gremlins type of thing where like don't like don't let them get away or they'll create

their own careers you know like well what didn't they start off on x factor as like solo musicians and then uh simon cowell was like you lot should be a Barney. Here's some lollies for the rest of you. A Jaguar. A yogurt. They all had caramel. Caramels. Who are the other two? There's a Nile.

Yeah. Nile. Nile. Nile, yeah. And then Rupert. Rupert. Is it really a Rupert? No, it was the fifth one.

Bing Bang. Blinky. Yeah, clown. Where's your phone case? It'st? No, it was the fifth one. Bing Bang. Blinky. Yeah. Clown. Where's your phone case? It's not that anymore, bro. Oh, no. I used to have a One Direction phone case. Yeah, anyways.

Anyways, so we wish all the One Directioners the best. Yeah. Dunkirk, it's... I wish it was louder. I wish it would have been louder. You know what? There ended up being seven people in the theater, including myself.

And did you all shake hands after? Good film. Good film. Good film. Good film. If this was fun, we should do this again. There was a trailer for a movie with Gary Oldman. Yeah, yeah.

That is Winston Churchill. Oh, yeah. That doesn't look good. It was the right movie to have a preview for that yeah that's true like if you if you just got a taste of churchill from dunkirk isn't it like he's like friends with a girl and like oh well i don't know why the girls and no that's logan you're thinking oh okay yeah i always get those two mixed up and then, the people, but the old people who came in to watch the movie, they, I think they had maybe never seen content before. Like you've never seen a movie before?

Like the stuff they show before a movie. Oh, where? Even before the trailers where there's just video running of like, well, the new Kingsman movie is coming out so i'm gonna go do something classy right what's the kid's name tanner tanner is the he's your he's your host to all things oh is that a thing up here yeah but every movie in every theater you have to watch these segments hosted by tanner yeah tan tanner comes out and he goes like well you know uh winston churchill movie's coming out so me and gary oldman played ping pong oh they i mean yeah yeah i hate like because you like in la you like know that kid you know like you he's like he smokes way too much and he's got

like a pill problem and then he like goes on to these like weird content things. It's just like, it's so crazy. Not our Tanner. No, Tanner is just the content guy. Tanner Zipchuck or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know what I mean? Like, you know that he's like a horrible human, like in real life.

Like he's an awful, and he makes so much money. He could be really vapid. Like he could have no idea that, like he's just following orders. He's just, like I don't think he's necessarily. That's what I mean. Like he's just like i don't think he's necessarily but that's what i mean like he's just like a talentless i don't know tanner i'm guessing you guys are kind of defending hosting that isn't is not without merit yeah like someone's doing someone has to do it but do they yeah that's true i mean the the we could just all play games on our

phones because that's the other thing that they do. Everybody get your phones out. Well, think about this. We used to just sit there. Yeah. They would have like slides and it would be like, come down to Kitsilano Auto Shop. It's just like it wasn't even audio. It was just like they were playing music and then you just saw slides and it was like, do you need an oil change? That was the best.

Also getting that little the magazines yeah oh yeah and then just being like oh this movie's coming out yeah yeah but now you can't sit down and also i'm biased because i know like career stuff so i'm like ah that motherfucker's making union for that shit you know like i'm mad about it yeah but like yeah now like that must be so weird for old people they must be like why is he on the television like well no it is horrible like because the whole it used to be you would go and you'd be like oh we had to sit through three trailers but now you have to sit through tv ads like they'll have they'll have ads and they'll do whatever dumb content before the lights go down then the lights go down and there's five minutes of tv commercials yeah like cars and then they'll do whatever dumb content before the lights go down. Then the lights go down and there's five minutes of TV commercials.

Yeah. Like cars. And then they'll do, then you'll get the trailers. Cars three. Damn it. And then they'll do trailers and the trailers are like the thing, the highlight of the,

the whole experience now. Yeah. Yeah. And it's go for the trailers. It's also weird when you see uh the things that they've packaged real when they packaged the other trailers with the movie that you're seeing and they're like they must have done a lot of like psychoanalysis to figure out like these three trailers are going to appeal to the same people who just bought a ticket to

this film if you're a kid seeing this movie, this troll movie, you're going to love the new Blade Runner. My friend told me that his kid, who's like 12 or something, just watches, like, doesn't watch TV, doesn't watch movies, only watches

people just talking into YouTube. It's all they want to watch. Playing Minecraft. I've heard of families where the parents like got rid of cable and months went by before the kids noticed i've also heard of families where watching tv with the family is like punishment time like you have to put your phone in your room and come downstairs and watch TV with your family. Holy shit. And that's considered like bonding. Yeah. Like that's like not, that's, you're

not allowed to look at a screen. We just all have to look at this screen together. Yeah, we all are gonna enjoy. Because they want to watch like Steffy Puff is doing like tutorials. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they're like, no, we're gonna watch Kevin Can Wait as a family. We're gonna watch kevin can wait as a family we're gonna see

watch the episode where he kills off his wife and replaces her with leah ramini yeah that is what's happening wait in kevin can wait yeah yeah wait really yeah yeah how did i not know this he kills off his wife well he doesn't i i mean as far as that was just like one one episode just really dark? It's just like a really drawn out strangling scene. It's like the choking scene from No Country for Old Man.

Where the heels are making the prince across the floor. And the audience is still laughing? Or they're like, Ooh. Anyways, yeah, that's what happened is his wife's dying and they're replacing

they're they're like you know what people liked you and leah yeah you know they filmed that like on a bunker like a not a bunker they built no seriously it's a battle of bunker hill he lives in long island uh-huh and there's no film sound stages in Long Island so they just took an old airplane hangar and they built a sound stage and built a bunker and they built a bunker

so for real it's shot in Long Island yeah weird and that's another thing is there's like

I don't know who's the writer on it but they had to move to New York which is fine it's great

love New York but they have to commute out to Long Island every day to go write. Kevin can wait. Oh,

wow. Yeah. I'm glad I know that bit of trivia. Yeah. So, uh, what's going on with you, Graham?

Uh, well, speaking of films, I went and saw it last night. It's great. I want to go see it. Is it good? It's good.

It's, this is like, you're using the title as a pronoun. Yeah. It, uh, it, it good it's good it's this is like you're using the title as a pronoun yeah yeah it uh it it good um uh the trailer's better better than the movie like the movie's good does it hold up to the old one oh yeah i think i've never seen all of the old one i've seen a little how long is the old one like 1992 yeah it's 60 yeah it is it's like six it's like a mini series yeah and like the kids in it are super super great and the the guy who plays pennywise is like uber duper scary he's a scars guard uh yeah yeah oh

great do they play any music by the punk band pennywise uh no because it takes place in the 80s so that all the music is 80s uh music oh they don't they no but they do play like a crazy like heavy metal punk song in one of but it's the duffer brothers direct no but they wanted to and they would they so do i, you wanted to direct. Yeah. Um, but, uh, I went and saw it with like,

it was a packed theater with mostly teenagers, which is exactly who you want to see that movie with because people were like screaming, screaming things out. No, no, he's not stuff like that. It was great.

It was so much fun. Was, um, were they on their phones no uh teenagers yeah they were they were uh but just like like uh at all the scary parts like everybody was like being on a roller coaster like people were laughing after and people were like oh well the only thing i know about the old one the miniseries, is that it had John Ritter and Harry Anderson and

other adults, and they were recalling back to... Yeah, that's not in this. This is just that it's happening in real time. Oh, because there's that funny scene in the end of the original one with the bike. You know what I'm talking about? No. Where the person

is deaf and like mute you know right you don't remember this no i didn't see it oh okay so there's like a person and they're like mute and i think it's the girl it's like the girl yeah the like the guy's like one true love like pennywise like screamed in her face or whatever and she like hasn't spoken since or something and they're like adults now and um they he like puts her on the handlebars of a bike which is like what he used to do in their kids and he just drives really fast like through traffic and it like shit snaps her out of it no that wasn't in this movie oh no uh but there was right at the beginning the thing that you see in the trailer where the kid follows the boat into the sewer yeah it's talking to pennywise in the sewer

is this thing that where his eye just all of a sudden goes wonky the kids no pennywise is just while he's talking his eye just goes and everybody in the theater was like just at his eye moving because everybody's so keyed up for something crazy to happen uh so it was a lot of fun it was a lot of fun i would recommend oh i'm gonna go see it maybe i'll go see it today yeah yeah yeah you want it you want to be in a packed theater okay because that's like you know uh should i bring anything like a broomstick or uh? Bring a big thing of popcorn so you can throw it in the air Oh, okay Should I put my dick in it?

Yeah, yeah That's up to you You know what? Bring a broomstick and shove it up your ass Oh, okay Why a broomstick? I cut it off Sir, why are you bringing this stick?

It's for my ass Why did you suggest a broomstick? Oh, just to hit things? Yeah things yeah yeah yeah like to hopefully somebody throws a tennis ball at you you can knock it yeah oh sure in case a game of stick ball breaks out you know like out on the streets of the bronx yeah yeah i don't know um but yeah it was it was it's worth seeing check it out okay i would say go today if you did you see wind river no i want to see that is that scary not in the same way oh okay like oh and that was the other thing that was weird they showed a trailer for uh darren oranovsky's mother mother yeah and i've never

seen this in a trailer before where at the end of the trailer it was like go buy your tickets now at this theater like oh that's smart yeah and i was like oh like take out your phone yeah yeah your ticket it was like buy your ticket as soon as this movie ends and i was like oh maybe i will do you guys have movie pass up here no what's that what that is it's like uh ten dollars a month right right a day. And there was like a big controversial thing because they lowered their price, but it didn't cover everything. Oh. Yeah, people, I mean, I can't believe people are upset that they can go to a movie every day, but it's not every single movie. Like, we're such a horrible society at that point. It's $10 a month, every movie.

And they're like, but I have to go to some theaters. Yeah. But a movie costs more than $10. Yeah. But, um, and the other thing that I did, I talked about,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no talked about, we wanted to come up with some things you might see. Yeah. Like people spilling beer. Dreads. Oh. Cornrows.

Yeah, whatever, it was his hair. Yeah, it was cornrows. But no, I didn't see anybody in cornrows. Did you see any bucket hats? I saw. KFC bucket hats? There was no bucket, there were no buckethead fans but there were there was a surprising amount of guns and roses cosplay uh which i a slash

a slash and an axle and i saw at least one duff so yeah it was that that was most surprising it was duff who wanted to direct it duff and his brother it was my duff do it that's a bummer um and it was so long the concert was so long after we recorded last week we i went to the uh playlist.fm to see to see their yeah setlist.fm to see their yeah setlist.fm to see what their setlist was and it was so many songs and so many covers so many covers

good covers yeah they were good like the whole show was good but they they were on for over three hours what the

and they have and it's the original band right yeah well three of them yeah it's Jeff Slash and Axl

that's pretty cool yeah and then like a keyboardist and a drummer that you see. You literally saw the drummer twice. The whole show on the screen. Just to remind you that there was in fact a drummer there and not just some drum machine. Trying to really milk his one. Stopped playing the drums. Hi!

Because I went through their greatest hits and they have eight songs. Yeah. Like, like for, for, they had a really short span where they had some huge hits and they sold like 60 million albums. And that was the thing. Like they played every song that I've ever heard by them.

And then they also had like, I can't think of another band that had that many covers yeah they played a lot of covers that they were famous for and then they also played just like they played wichita lineman at one point which is weird because you think about young guns and roses i don't think that they would have been like big into glenn campbell uh but there you go they've seasoned a bit and it was acoustic too like it was like slash sitting down playing do they do like three or four acoustics in a row nope just that one oh and then your patience uh yep Patience, but not next to... Yeah, it was weird. And Slash kept doing this thing. They had stairs up to the drums.

So he would, like, at near the end of the song, he would walk up the stairs. And then at the last note... Jump? Jump. And I was like, you're almost 60. Like, don't... Jump off the stairs? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, don't do that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, no, I don't want to see... I don't want to be in the audience when slash's ankle just goes and because i heard that happened to somebody like at a concert like uh he's not wearing track spikes either is he what's that no no no no he's just wearing like a sneakers oh okay yeah oh no yeah it didn't somebody broke their leg at a concert dave girl yeah yeah that's who it was and yeah i was like don't don't do that and then he did it three times throughout the concert like and it's kind of a do it once kind of yeah yeah save it for the last song to the paradise city uh last song what was the last song maybe

it was paradise you stayed for the encore yeah there was no they would like was there an opening band yeah who they were called royal blood and they were a duo and they were great but i felt so bad for them because like they were playing the whole time they were playing it was just people buying merch oh and i guarantee they did not meet guns and roses no and uh at one point they said this is a really big gig for us and i was like yeah no shit oh yeah you're not playing here tomorrow night as well you're not headlining tomorrow we're doing a co-headline thing with guns and roses for guns and roses you know like everybody had their own camera like up on the screen like but for the opening act it was just one shot that like i could have

been filming from my seat you couldn't make out who was on stage you know that's going into contracts too where like people are like i don't want to see a lot of this guy yeah yeah no close-ups of opening band we don't want to see their young flesh yeah we we will show the drummer twice we will introduce the uh pianist one time and uh well you can't introduce the pianist every time. You could. You know what's weird is I feel like going back to the LCD sound system thing,

it's like opposed to the breakups, it's like these reunion tours keep happening now and you're like, whoa, and everybody spends $400 to go see the dead or whatever at one stadium. And then they just keep touring yeah yeah and it's like once in a lifetime oh you guys you you oh you're friends now again yeah and they'll probably

release an album and they'll just keep touring because the grateful dead has been through la like four times since they said it was going to be the end like literally like they've just keep coming back and like tickets are like 26 bucks now or something, you know? Yeah, and it's, like, it was the two things that kind of struck me as odd was, first of all, Axl's speaking voice. He can still sing. Yeah. Like, he still sounds like he used to sound, but his speaking voice, he sounds like a thousand years old. He's like, hi, everybody.

Like, he's got this really really gruff voice oh man he introduced them as from hollywood and i was like you you guys aren't like a local like i don't think of guns and roses as like hollywood area but they were yeah like that's you know whatever the sunset strip but they could be just guns and roses they don't need to be from so no i think that like the the Beatles are still from Liverpool. Yeah, I guess that's true. And they're not even a band anymore. Yeah.

Not in this lifetime. Well, they have LeBron now. Yeah. What does he, does he play bass? No, he took over for John. Oh, okay. Yeah. Oh, are they writing new stuff?

Yeah. Well, that's exciting. What if it was all just... McCartney, James. Basketballccartney james basketball songs like beatles basketball songs give me 10 examples i can't i don't know enough beatles songs hold on let me think uh give us one yeah buy me overtime there you go carine. Hey, that's really good. Really good. Thanks. Yeah, and then, but it was like three hours of them.

And is that time you can get back? I don't know. I don't know how time works. Maybe you get back all that time. Motion material. They're docking it. all that time material they're docking it uh but they uh at one point axel said so hey this has been a lot of fun you have a few more songs you know it's like a few more songs like i feel like collectively the crowd is all skewing older yeah we're all like i don't know if we got a few more

songs it depends which ones yeah actually could you give us a minute to update our parking what um uh what percentage of the songs did you know i knew i would say like 30 or 40 okay because they played a lot of songs that i was like i don't know if this is a cover i don't know if this did they play new songs no no okay no but anything from chinese democracy one song and the only reason i know was because all the graphics are of like chinese and then there were like like um whatever uh don't cry and civil war and november rain are all kind of the same song yeah don't they sang all three of them uh and they sang what black hole sun was another cover did they dedicate it to chris cornell yeah weird if they didn't they're like this is our song

this is a new one but like why not a stone devil pilot song yeah i kind of thought that slash and duff were in a band with with scott wyland who died and you could tell that axel and slash still don't like each other because axel would go around he would sing and he would like lean on duff's shoulder during a duff's the peacemaker i bet yeah and then but he never went over to slash's side of the stage i'm sure they have like a rule like you stay on this side after you we were talking about it last week i listened to a few guns and roses songs and slash is so good like not just like the shredding but like the melodies of his guitar part but

the solos got pretty obnoxious by like hour two you're like we get we get it yeah you're very good at playing guitar yeah like either start playing a guitar with another guitar or doing something crazy you know and he's like i'll go to the top of the stairs again if i have to i'll jump no he kept saying we had a microphone uh do we want to move on to Overheard? Yeah. I just thought of a funny show that'll never be able to happen. But Weiland out. Yeah, let's move on.

Life can be fun. Don't get carried away. You got to do the things you don't wanna do To get through the day You gotta shine your shoes You gotta sweep the floor You gotta clean your house You gotta do some more

Take care of business Graham. Dave. I think it's time for some business. You're damn right. Dave, are you hiring? Yeah. What are you hiring for?

I'm a high school. Okay. I'm hiring a woodshop teacher. Oh, look at how many fingers I have. Less than 10. Am I hired? No, that's why we had to fire the last guy. Two of you fingers.

Yeah. Now, you're hiring at this high school. Do you know where to post your job to find the best candidate? I think I would probably post it to a bunch of different sites. Like an idiot. Oh boy, oh boy. I mean, this is why your high school's falling behind. No, you want to just go to

ZipRecruiter, because if you post it once, then they will take care of posting it to a bunch of other sites and collecting the best qualified people to apply for the job. But then I have to click a bunch of times. No, no best qualified people to apply for the job but then i have to click a bunch of times no no no no no no no no this saves you all of the clicking it's it's one click and away you go zip recruiter zip recruiter yeah yeah yeah um now but is this the

company that i don't know businesses of all sizes have used yeah i mean small high schools large the biggest high school sure little montessori high schools french immersion high school yeah yeah yeah you know uh at home even home schools that are hiring the lunch lady at my home school was well she was a beautiful lady yeah i had i had an affair with the lunch lady at my uh home school she was fired immediately and then we had to go to zip recruiter find a new one did you have an affair with your mother no she wasn't she was at work this was a lunch lady we hired. My implication was that... Yeah, that's...

Dave, I would never have an affair with my mother. You know that about me. Now, the person laughing in the background is next week's guest. So you don't know him yet, but he's enjoying himself. Yeah, and you're going to love him. Now, Dave, we need you to find out today Why ZipRecruiter has been used By all sizes of business To find the most qualified job

We already said that part I just wanted to note, do 80% of employers Who post a job on ZipRecruiter get a quality Candidate through the site within one day? Yes Good, because we need The saw is on And no one can turn it off

One guy tried to turn it off. One guy tried to turn it off. Guess how many fingers he has left. Now, right now, our listeners can post jobs on ZipRecruiter for free. That's right. Free. Just go to ZipRecruiter.com slash stop. Is that ZipRecruiter.com slash stop?

One more time to try it for free. Go to ZipRecruiter.com slash stop? One more time to try it for free, go to ziprecruiter.com slash stop. Boo! No! No! The Dead Pilot Society podcast brings you hilarious comedy pilots that were never made, featuring actors like Aubrey Plaza, Andy Richter, Paul F. Tompkins, John Hodgman, Adam Scott, Molly Shannon, Busy Phillips, Tom Lennon, Anna Camp, Laurie Metcalf, Alicia Day, Michael Ian Black, Adam Savage, Paul Scheer, Ben Schwartz, Skylar Astin, Mae Whitman, Josh Molina, Ben And many more.

Listen at MaximumFun.org, iTunes, or wherever you download podcasts. What's the deal with Brexit? Have you seen Happy Valley yet? How do British people pronounce Edinburgh, Leicester, or Norwich? Not like that. Are you tired of getting your world news from reliable sources, often with no puns or sexual innuendo? Why was there a butcher's hat haunting Coronation Street? What's Coronation Street, and why is Dave

Holmes obsessed with it? International Waters pairs a team of comedians in LA against a team of comedians in L.A. against a team of comedians in London in a pop culture battle royale. Join us once a fortnight to hear the best comedians in the world trade jokes and stories and maybe even learn something at the same time. International Waters with me, Dave Holmes. Find it at MaximumFun.org or wherever you download podcasts. Overheard.

Overheard. A segment in which we hear things out there in the world, or see things, and then we report them back here on the podcast, and we always like to start with the guests. Okay. Andy, do you have one? I do. All right.

I was in a store waiting for food, you know, like a restaurant. Oh, a restaurant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A store. A food store. I was in a place. A cooked food store? Yes, a cooked food store. A shop.

S-H-O-P-P-E. Oh. Yes. Food shop of the Chinese variety. And the TV was on and they were showing. Why do they have the French name? Le Shop. Le Shop Chinois?

Colonialism. Indochina. No, but they were showing hurricane footage. There's a hurricane footage now? That's not even a name. I didn't even know they did F's. I thought we were already on it i uh but the woman that they like cut to turks and cacos and the woman waiting there was like

with her friend and she goes that she said that's where frank's dad died turks and cacos Yeah Just randomly Just like But like It wasn't even like sad And she was like That was where Frank's dad died Yeah And it wasn't

It sounded like He wasn't from there Like he just was down there That's where he went and died Yeah Like he was on vacation And he died down there Made some bad conk

Yeah remember Remember Frank's dad He died No I don't remember No you remember him He's a nice guy Frank's You know my husband Frank Yeah, I don't remember. No, you remember him. He's a nice guy. Frank's, you know my husband, Frank. Yeah, he's dead.

So he's. Your grandpa? Yeah. Frank has a dad. Yeah. As do most of us. Had a dad. Had a dad.

Yeah. And so you know this, you understand this concept, the idea of a father. He's dead. So he was a man. Yeah. Who wasn't from Turks and Caicos. No, he wasn't. He died more in Caicos.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He, uh, yeah. That's where he died. What's up with these countries just getting together and being like, we're going to be friends. Name like Trinidad and Tobago. Why don't you just be

Trinidad and you be Tobago? You guys got to be. Because, you know, together, stronger. But it's weird that they would like... Yeah. They would join and that one wouldn't be like let's just go like either let's merge the names do you think anybody's ever like hey why don't we call it tobago and trinidad yeah yeah yeah oh absolutely yeah they're like alphabetically keikos might be like hey cakes and turcos that sounds great there's a strong nationalism in

these places that are half a nation Yeah, yeah Even here, Newfoundland and Labrador Yeah They only added Labrador into the name later And why did they? The dog lobby Yeah That is where they're from, right?

Yeah I love a chocolate lab If you go there, that's mostly what's there Really? Just dogs Doing all sorts of things is huge there he's actually a golden receiver that is one of the isn't that's one of the titles yeah uh power forward pretty good yeah you did it uh dave do you have an overheard? Mine is kind of an overseen.

This is kind of not really anything. This is from a movie. Like, I'm a big, you'll watch your sports on the internet. I still have cable. And one of the greatest reasons to not cut your cable is that sometimes a movie will just show up that you never thought you were going to watch or a show will just show, you know, 15 say yes to the dresses. That's how I saw the core. It was on a movie in a hotel room.

Yeah. That's how I saw it too. Um, and I, this was a movie I had seen before, but, um, after Jeopardy on check six, they'll, uh, they'll show a movie and it'll always be you know some movie that you would never think to you would never be like oh i'm feeling like watching this movie right yeah yeah something kevin costner is the one man he's kevin costner who has he's gonna decide the election and people want him and he's except this one this was entrapment oh yes it was Catherine Zeta-Jones

putting her butt through a laser under a laser putting a laser through her butt she puts her butt under a laser yeah

to like sneak in a place yeah under the tutelage of Sean Connery who did all of his butt lasering early in his career

it's weird because this was like Catherine Zeta-Jones was like hot hot for a while and then they were just like we're going to make you

like Mediterranean like yacht hot after this. Do you know what I mean? No! Like old hot like blouse hot. You're not going to be

swimsuit hot anymore. You're going to be like Catherine Deneveau hot. Deneve. Deneve. Sorry. Do you know what I mean? Like old hot. Denev. Sorry. Do you know what I mean?

Like old hot. Yeah, but why is old hot yacht hot? I thought yacht. Like she's going to be in movies where she's on a yacht in the Mediterranean and she's like a seductress. She's like an older woman. Yeah. Is it because of, we can't. Misogyny.

Misogyny. But also we can't separate her from Michael Douglas. Yeah. We can't ever forget that. Yeah. Her vagina has cancer. From all the goodies to it. Didn't you hear that?

Yeah. He got cancer from going down on her. Yeah. No, on women. Throughout his life. He figures her directly in the press. Catherine's

She's got a poison vagina. Snatched me in. Anyway, so this is a very, this movie is very 1999 and she's very beautiful in it.

And, but it's very 1999 in the sense that Limp Bizkit's playing. Limp Bizkit's playing, yeah. and uh but it's very 1999 in the sense that limp biscuits playing biscuits playing yeah she's not quite on a yacht she's on a maybe a seadoo it all takes place at woodstock 99 they're breaking in they're trying to steal fred durst's hat everybody's throwing mud clumps at green day that's 94 oh damn it um but uh it's very papa roach very puddle of mud you know this kind of thing yeah yeah yeah yeah um uh but there's one scene and i guess like ice coffee must have just

been the newest invention because she's got like she's staking out outside a building like trying to keep tabs on Sean Connery. And she's sitting in her car and she very deliberately, you notice, takes a sip of iced coffee. And then the camera follows her as she places it down on the dashboard. And then it dissolves, like the shot dissolves to much later. And there's only a little bit of iced coffee left. And I was just watching it thinking like, but you can drink an iced coffee in two minutes.

Yeah, yeah, that's the whole. So how much time has passed? That's the whole punchline of it is that John Connery's just gone in, dropped off a package, watched and walked out. Like this is not a very good. She's like, oh, I drank it too fast in my head. Yeah. Yeah.

It's just not a very good indicator of time there's nothing left but also there was no ice in the coffee so there was no like you know no ice had melted just a pile of empty ice coffee cups was it sweaty? it wasn't sweaty at any point at the beginning or the end

totally unbelievable and what is he a diamond thief? or something? art thief He wasn't sweaty at any point at the beginning or the end. Totally unbelievable. Yeah. And what is he, a diamond thief or something? Art thief. Art thief. Sure. Diamond in the rough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the art thief game.

Very good. What? Hey, diamond in the rough. Air Bud Art Thief. Oh, yes. Yay. Well, not, thank you. Not art.

Diamonds. Yeah. Yeah, he's a diamond thief. Yeah. Oh, and the poster's just him wearing a black cap and a turtleneck and a rappelling. He's got a cat

with him, too. He's got a cat with him? A cat burglar. There's nothing in the rules that said that a cat can't join a dog in a heist. There's nothing in the rules that said that a cat can't join a dog in a heist. There's nothing in the Constitution that says. Man's best friend larceny. No?

Yeah, yes. I say yes. Yeah, I say I like it. So that was my overseeing. A dumb. A dumb continuity thing. A dumb dissolve. What was the movie, speaking of like, cause I was in a hotel and I watched a

movie that I never would have watched. Oh, phone booth. That was all. Oh, with Colin Farrell. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Who's his, who else is in it?

Kiefer Sutherland. The voice is Kiefer Sutherland. Does he have a girlfriend? Is it like Katie Holmes? Yeah. Oh, Katie Holmes. That's right. Yeah.

And, uh, at one point she answers her cell phone and it's so big. And at one point she answers her cell phone and it's so big. Like it was just, I guess, as everybody was having cell phones and pay phones were just disappearing. That was also like a weird time where they could make a movie like that, where it was like clearly made on a set. You know what I mean? Like it was just like because it was just a block, right? Yeah. Leave the phone booth. No.

And it's one of these things where it's like, it's like outdoor when Seinfeld's outdoors. Yeah, exactly. Well, and it's like, yeah, like he wanted,

Kiefer Sutherland wants to teach this guy a lesson, but the guy would have learned his lesson in the first two minutes of like, I'm watching you in a phone booth. Ah, I should not do this then. What is it? He has a gun trained on him and he has to like, because he shoots somebody right away.

Right? No, Kiefer S Because he shoots somebody right away, right? No, Kiefer Sutherland shoots somebody. That's what I mean. He shoots somebody. It makes it look like he shot somebody. So then it's like, keeps raising the stakes. But I don't know why. It turns out he's like...

Is there a hooker in it who... Yeah, yeah. Like bangs on the booth and like, let me in. Does she get shot? No. No, her pimp. Oh, okay. booth and like, let me in. Does she get shot? No. No, her pimp. Oh, okay. He comes over.

He gets shot. But then something happens with the phone. I remember a line from this where she says, I damn near broke my dick hand. Is that true? Yeah. Oh, that's great. I think that's in the movie.

I damn near broke my dick hand. I mean, I guess that makes sense because, like, I jerk off with one hand. Okay. Were you on America's Got Talent? I'm going to do a mind meld. I'm going to try to guess which one. Is it this hand?

Dave put up his own hand. It's your hand. Damn near broke. You break your hand. I go, oh, no know you broke my dick hand dave's her hand was a dick all right i'm gonna stop i'm gonna go it it also came out like when people had cell phones so there's no reason that this guy who's supposed to be quite well off would be using a payphone like they try to explain it but you're like answer a payphone yeah he answers it while he's in there he like oh okay he talks payphone? Yeah, he answers it while he's in there.

He, like, he talks on the phone rings. Oh, he's not just walking by? No, no, he's in there. And he doesn't have a cell phone? No, he doesn't have a cell phone. He goes to the same payphone every day. It's crazy. He goes to the same payphone every day.

To, like, call the woman he's cheating with? Yeah, or wants to cheat with. Wants to cheat with? What is this payphone? Like, this guy, it guy's gonna kill him because he's thinking about cheating wait he hasn't even done anything wrong yet uh i mean maybe katie holmes is the one that he wants to cheat with that maybe is not even no but like does he does is he just trying to teach him a lesson yeah yeah it's not like he's fucking his wife no no there's, there's no, at the end, the big reveal is that it's Kiefer Sutherland. Because it's just his voice throughout.

And then you're like, oh, that's who that was. It's celebrity Kiefer Sutherland. He has himself. He's just like, I teach lessons. Remember Flatliners? I was in it. They're remaking it. I know.

I saw a trailer for it. It looked so scary. It does look really scary. Was the original scary? Yeah. Yeah yeah and sexy in my wasn't there a lot of like hollywood romance on set or something like that yeah in my high school film class we had to like we had a project where we had to like see various movies by the same director and like compare them and but my teacher was like and this year we're doing

joel schumacher oh yeah so it was like you did flatliners right he did flatliners and like he might have done phone booth he did he did all of the he did the two bad batmans yeah he did um lost boys oh lost boys and falling down falling down is pretty good yeah falling down i mean but but like of all the directors to choose i feel like he did do phone booth if he did yeah yeah yeah it's it's it's a spiritual sequel to falling down phone booth uh my overheard is uh courtesy of being on the bus and a guy really monologuing to his friend. You know, just really just chat, chat, chat, chat, chat, and the friend... It was Joel Schumacher.

Did phone booth? Oh, really? Oh, there you go. Sick. And the guy, like, I just heard him, like, he was talking so loud, I heard him over my earbud, so I, like, took the vinyl, like,

I gotta hear what this guy's saying. And just is finishing he's just wrapping up and he says and where does all that money go no one knows and his friend goes oh man you should write a book where's all that money go no one knows final word in the book um i mean it would shut him up for a while to write a book yeah maybe that's like his friends just like you should write a book yeah if it was in england the dog pound i'm still trying to do he's like a day trader in england dog pound why didn't we do dog phone booth phone woof yeah phone woof well there you go that wrote it well Why didn't we do dog phone booth? Phone woof. Yeah.

Phone woof. Well, there you go. That wrote it. Well, it didn't write itself. Bone, bone woof,

bone woof. There's nothing in the constitution that says that I can't harass somebody in a phone booth. It's still Kiefer Sutherland teaching a dog a lesson. The dog's just like confused that he's locked. He doesn't even understand what guns are. Knife or rifle loud noise. Is it fireworks again?

Yeah, I have sex with lots of different dogs. And Katie Holmes. There's nothing in the Constitution that says Katie Holmes can't have sex with a doll. Oh, I think there is, though. I think there's probably.

You really, really read it. Katie Bones? Yep. Oh, I like this. What do you like about it? Yeah, I don't know. I do like that she's dating Jamie Foxx. Is she?

Yeah. Wow. Is she? Hot Hollywood Wow. Is she? Hot Hollywood gossip. Are they in Hollywood? He's the host of Beat Shazam? Yep. That's where they met.

She was a contestant? Beat Shazam? Beat Shazam. What is... Oh, it's Apple. Name that tune. Apple is making content now. Beat Shazam.

I thought it was like... Shazam's a comic book was a like Shazam's a comic book character and I thought it was a beach Shazam it's a

Sinbad movie yeah it's everybody's trying to beat Shaq beach Shazam wasn't he Shazam

he was Kazam Kazam so Shazam versus Kazam is the genie Sinbad movie that never

existed it didn't exist oh yeah and or maybe it did yeah who knows Shazam is the genie. Sinbad movie that never existed. It didn't exist. Oh. Yeah. And. Or maybe it did. Yeah, who knows. But what is it?

Like, you try to be better than Shazam? Well, I haven't watched that much of it, but there's like three teams of two, and you're all trying to guess the song as fast as possible. And then maybe the end, you have to go faster than deep blue has shazam loaded on him i watched the deep blue him i watched the the new gong show it's a guy uh what shazam yeah it's a dude deep blue deep blue is a dude did you see the new gong show with it's mike myers like no but I heard it's actually kind of interesting. It's interesting, but it's like he's Mike Myers.

You're like, this is Mike Myers. Like it's not. Oh, really? It doesn't like pay off the character? No. Like you're like, this is Mike Myers as a British guy. Oh, really? It's weird.

It's weird that everybody on the show is pretending that he's a british guy oh really it's weird it's weird that everybody on the show is pretending that he's not mike myers that's what's weird you know it's also weird that like people are pretending jamie foxx is a tv show host yeah like a game show yeah yeah it's also weird that mike myers had such a fall from grace uh but he only just did one bad movie and then was like bye hollywood i've got millions of dollars he did love guru yeah but then like he can't like do anything good anymore he's doing this gong show and he's beating shazam but like they clearly were like we don't want you mike and then he's like what if i do a character well he did he did that one role in inglorious bastards

yeah did he he had like one scene where he's basically the gong show host. Yeah. It's true. He's a British guy. Yeah, I didn't put that together. Does he listen to this podcast? He does. Because I'm going to feel horrible.

Yeah, yeah, he's a big fan. Hey, sorry, Mike. I mean, it's weird because he's kind of had a career where he gets to just make a character and then make the whole movie about it. Yeah. Whether it's Wayne or But he was so funny just about it.

Like he was really funny in So I Married an Axe Murder. Yeah. And he was really good in Well, he's okay in Studio 54. It's not that this is bad. This

this Gong Show it's not bad but it's weird. It's like why why is everybody pretending this is And I don't think he's like

box office poison or anything. I think he just doesn't want to like the right thing hasn't come along for him but it would be fine if it was just hosted by mike myers yeah also shrek oh i totally forgot about shrek yeah he's doing good not about shrek nowadays we got about yeah yeah yeah you guys knew where i was going uh Now we also have overheard sent in By people from around the world And there's no rule that says a dog can't send in No if you're a dog that heard something funny Send it in to SPY

SPY at MaximumFun.org This first one is From Paul F In Seattle Your old home Overheard lunch conversation in the office One is from Paul F. in Seattle. Your old home. Hey, Paul. Overheard lunch conversation in the office. The number one rule of rocketry is that the rocket can blow up at any time.

I very rarely hear it called rocketry. That makes it sound like a craft. Well, you shoot it out of a rocketry. You climb up a rocketry. There's a special tree in Huh? Huh? Huh? You climb up a rocket tree? A tree. There's a special tree in everybody's neighborhood. Uh-huh. It's the rocket tree.

It's the rocket tree. Yeah. And then away you go. You had that, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I grew up in Cape Canaveral. Yeah. Yeah.

Where rockets go? No. Where rockets from? They go there, too. They go there. Well, they don't. Young rockets go there, and they there well they don't they young rockets go there and they hope to get a they hope to get in the big show yeah yeah a young rocket from

lethbridge alberta well yeah wants to get there in the minors but also there's the houston rockets yep sure so think about that for a moment and And the Houston Astros. Yeah, give pause. Why is there such a space theme to Houston? Because they also have a NASA. Do they? Yeah. Oh, Houston. They have a problem?

Oh, they do have a problem. There's also a NASA right by me in LA. It's got propulsion labs. Oh, cool. Anyways. Ever been? I've played Frisbee golf right next to it. And did you notice your Frisbee went a little bit farther?

I threw it and I was like, there no rules that's all i said there's no rules uh this next one comes from genevieve uh arts unknown i went to a play today as i was waiting for it to start i caught the end of a story that the man behind me was telling. He said, she threw a specimen jar with her wisdom teeth in it at me, but I'm a juggler, so I caught it. Good twist at the last second. Who said this? This is the man behind her

while she's waiting for a play to start. But I'm a juggler. So I caught it, and then juggled it for a bit for fun. Ah, damn, juggler! Yeah! What went on before this? that she got mad enough to throw her jar of wisdom teeth? He's like, I bet you won't throw your jar of wisdom teeth at me. Coward.

You just lost a bet. He's juggling with it. And now I'm so amused. He said, that's very unwise. I'll go. I'm going to leave. And now I'm so amused. He said, that's very unwise. I'll go. I'm going to leave. No, you're good. Okay.

That's one you can stay for. Yeah. It was power. It wasn't true. It was powerful. Power forward. This last one comes from Matthew M. in Halifax, Nova Scotia sitting at the garrison

brewery patio during the tall ships i don't know is that where big boats come in i don't know must be two middle-aged men folks are talking behind me he's so smart he's like serial killer smart you know you can't really see it because he's a baby but by the time he's two you're a serial killer yeah i don't know that are serial killers widely regarded as our most intelligent yeah they're always like cunning or something yeah yeah i don't think it actually like takes that much if you're just like if you're just killing people like i think hannibal lecter is like there's like yeah the serial killer community is, like, really big into Hannibal Lecter. I think that serial killers are, like, they register as...

They're always, like, really intelligent on, like, a measured basis. You know what I mean? Like, IQs and stuff like that. But they usually have menial jobs. Whoa. Yeah. Like, it's, I'm doing a whatever, you know, profile, bro. Are you a surfer detective?

Hey, whoa, this has been a gnarly murder, dude. Let's catch some clues. Hand over your surfboard and your wetsuit. They found another body, A bodacious body. Hand over your badge and your board. You're walking. Bro! Hand over your surf

gun. What's a surf gun? It's waterproof. Now enhance this photo until it's totally tubular. Whoa, that is a sick wave. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone

calls. If you think I can keep this voice up, you're wrong. If you want to call us, our phone number is pretty easy to memorize, and that's what I did. And just waiting for my mind to load what it is. It is 1-844-779-7631.

Or 1-UGH-SPYPOD1. Like these people have. Hi, Dave Graham and hilarious guest from either Canada or Los Angeles. This is Matt from Nyack, New York, with an overheard for you. I was in Maine recently at a drugstore, and I heard a woman and a man talking, and the woman said, oh, that's so awesome that you're doing that.

And the guy said, yeah, I know, cool, right? It's kind of like needlepoint with an edge. Thanks, guys. What do you think it is? I don't know, leather needlepoint? Oh, cool. Yeah. Do you do it on the back of a sea-doo? What are other extreme things?

Going up to a high height? Or like he's doing a needlepoint of the edge from YouTube? Oh, sure. Yeah, I think we solved it. I mean, it's really hard you gotta he's got he's got a different toucan every time beanie and what what is edge's catchphrase that he's saying in the needle plane oh he's got a little trouble yeah and he does he do background vocals here's bono he breaks through the bathroom door.

Here's Bono. Breaks through with a guitar. Yep. All right. All right. I think we covered that. Next phone call. Hi, Dave and Graham and possible guests.

This is Sarah from Massachusetts with an overheard. This is from when I was in college. I was on campus walking to class, and I passed another young woman on her phone and all I heard was her saying, it's just sex. It's not like I'm going to marry him, dad. Whoa. Papa don't preach. Cool dad. Yeah. Honey, it is just sex. And how is that sex? Is he treating you good? Yeah, that's, you know, you tell your mom that I'm cool, that you can come to me.

I know your mom's a square and doesn't want to hear about your sex life. But I want to hear about it. Is Kevin going to come back for Thanksgiving? Oh, it's just sex? Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Is he going down on you, hon? Jesus Christ, Dad.

It's just sex, dad. No oral. Nothing. We're just, we're not kissing. Yeah. Nothing. There's no foreplay. All right, dad.

Yeah. It's just, I go into a room, a dark room. I haven't even seen him. It's just sex. That's my girl. It's just Shrek dad oh boy here's your final overheard

hey Dave Graham ridiculously good looking guest whoa this is Zach and Zach calling with an over scene I was driving on my way to work and I saw a

green souped-up Honda Civic with a license plate frame that said Netflix and chill over a license plate. The vanity plate said Arm Day. He was like a cool dude. Yeah, yeah, a guy who really likes... Whoa.

Yeah, yeah. That guy's awesome. Yeah. Netflix and chill over Arm Day wow wow that's when he puts his arm around you while you're watching you know house of cards yeah i was thinking that the license plate was going to be his favorite thing to watch on netflix that'd be cool twins arm day that's such a weird thing to brag about oh yeah just like the tiniest legs he's gonna like that movie weird to brag about too any day do you work out yeah what's your what

what do you split them into days yeah what's your favorite day i go to yoga and i run and then i go to the gym and I just watch people do things and then I do them right after them. Oh. Yeah, just like I've had some personal trainers

but I don't really like have a plan. I don't want anything specifically. I've done like physical therapy for injuries because I'm all messed up

from a adolescent ski injury you know like that. Right. Boys will be boys. I don't have like a today these fucking arms have you ever tried to follow somebody and then been like oh no let me take

all these weights off but i really liked your form well i don't do the free weights really because that's like how you're gonna get you can't pretend with the free weights like you can't be like i'm gonna do what this guy did and then then it's just, like, on your throat, and you're dying. Oh, Dave's got, what do you got there? One pound? I think it might be a three. Oh, two.

It's a two. Two pounds. This is ripped. Yeah, how's your, your form's not bad. This is literally for tennis elbow. Is it? Yeah, I do this. Ah.

And then I do this. Oh, that's a hard one. That one's hard, actually. Dave's doing, like, a wrist away from him up kind of curl. Yeah, like he's revving a motorcycle. Yeah. But it's like a little too high. It's a little too high.

Ah! His bone is sticking out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He blasted it to the max. We're very proud of him. Get him some muscle milk. Oh, he went, he blasted it to the max. We're very proud of him. Get him some muscle milk. Oh, you guys, it's paw day. Ah, sick.

Paw day, my dog. It's hunch day. My dog's getting tail day. So that brings us to the end of this here podcast. Andy, thanks so much for this. You stuck around for a long time we will we really went off on yeah we had a lot of fun here thanks for letting me goof around and do all my dog puns do you have anything upcoming that you want to plug you have

the new podcast i have a new podcast i'm doing some road dates those are all on my calendar on my website i'm andyhaines.com um twitter instagram all the same thing but uh i work for a video game company called mind show and it just went beta so if you have any kind of vr technology check that out it's really cool oh really you made a vr thing yeah i'm doing like vr stuff which is really fun that's cool yeah so if you have uh like a vive helmet you can even um if you're like a lawnmower man yeah if you live in um kind of the ether that is the internet and you just never unplug and your body is atrophying just stay in there if you're the world is yeah yeah where you are is a better place. If you're like a Jonathan Mnemonic or, I don't know, Johnny Mnemonic. Jonathan Mnemonic.

It's Jonathan Mnemonic. Energy that is also sound. He's addressing energy that is also sound. You can also, if you have Google Card google cardboard you can put your phone in there and you can watch the mind show stuff just

there's lots of cool stuff Reggie Watts did one oh where he's in a like a comedy club or yeah yeah yeah oh that's you guys

yeah oh right on I don't own them I just work for them and work with them but those are all my buddies and they're doing cool stuff and they're all gonna like

you know buy like houses that can float and shit like that pretty soon why buy one on the ground I i say no no did you not hear about this the world it's fucked oh so you want to be just above it yeah you want to float yeah yeah that seems like a safe distance yeah a floating house it just feels like somebody would steal it while you were gone that happens a lot

like yeah it's actually a big problem yeah yeah with the floating house there's no rules like a dog shows up and he takes you there's no rules it says a dog can't own my home uh oh wait wait wait wait barking and entering there you. Barking and entering. There you go. Yay. Barking and entering. Dave, do we have any bits of business? If you like the show, head over to MaximumFun.org. There'll be a recap. Our, I don't know, fourth to last recap ever. Yeah.

And then pictures and videos of the things we talked about on the show. Sure. You know, a picture of Air Bud. Surely must. Yeah. Maybe phone booth. Maybe of a Capote. Yeah.

John. Somebody should do a Photoshop of some of this. Somebody should. Somebody should. Yeah. Not you. Maybe somebody out there. Maybe get your VR guys to do it.

Maybe. Yeah. And if you like the show, please do tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Maximumfun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.