Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 498 - Steph Tolev

Episode Date: October 2, 2017

Comedian Steph Tolev returns to talk dog and dating nightmares, vegan pizza, and New Kids on the Block.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 498 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who busted out some shirts that were hanging in his closet. And they got all wrinkly over the summer season, Mr. Dave Shovka. Why summer, why?

Summer's over but it still haunts me. So if I iron a shirt and put it away for the summer, then do I have to re-iron it when I bring it out? Mm-hmm. And you put away stuff. You have seasonal wardrobe? I'll put away pants. Okay. And sweaters.

Okay. For the summer. Yeah. And then what do you put? You put away shorts? I put away shorts for the winter. Yeah. And t-shirts? I guess I put away shorts for the winter. Yeah. And. T-shirts?

I guess like lighter sweaters for the. But I never wear, like I own some light sweaters, but I'm just always too hot to. I know, right? I don't understand the point of a light sweater. I mean, they look good. You know what? I think I just don't ever need my heavy sweaters again because I'm just. You're just so warm.

I'm just so warm. Yeah. And the planet is too. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Our guest today, very funny comedian. so warm. I'm just so warm. Yeah. And the planet is too. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Our guest today, very funny comedian, you can catch

her this October in the All Jane No Dick Festival in Portland, Oregon. Miss Steph Tolove is our guest. Hello. Hello. I've never put anything away for the season. The season, yeah. They're all there. The same drawers, the same closet, nothing goes anywhere.

I'm the same. I've got very wintry stuff just sitting alongside a pair of boots. Oh, I just have too much stuff. Yeah, too many summer looks. Uh-huh, too many summer looks. All my breezy linen pants. Yeah. What do you call your linen look?

Oh, rich man wrinkles. Yeah. Yeah. What do you call your linen look? Oh, rich man wrinkles. Yeah. I got more wrinkles than a pound puppy. So is that a thing?

I don't know. Were pound puppies toys? They were toys, but I don't know. Were they wrinkly? Was there a toy called wrinkles? Wasn't there a toy that looked like a pound puppy and then inside it was a Velcro thing and then you had babies? Oh, yeah. I remember that.

My friends had like 16 and I always had one. I'm like, this toy sucks. Oh, when you bought it, you got a random, you didn't know how many? Yes, no idea. It was like a randomly pregnant little dog and then you open the Velcro and these little dogs would come out.

It's the opposite of adult life. You'd be like, oh, good, it's the opposite of adult life. You'd be like, oh good, it only won. It only had one puppy, guys. Should we get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us. Steph, it's been

almost a year since you were last here. A year. How are things? Fine. Fine? Things are fine, yes.

All right. You live in LA. Yeah, yeah, fine, yes. All right. You're living in L.A.? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Finally. I feel more settled now. Last time I think I was all kerfuffled just getting there and getting sorted,

but I feel good. Yeah? Mm-hmm. You like your place. You've got a dog in your place. I've got a dog. She's sweet. I've got a car now.

Ooh, what kind of car? Oh, God. The L.A. questions are starting up. Here it comes. No, my parents gave me their Ford Escape. So I drove it from Toronto to LA. And then the transmission broke a couple months ago.

That's a big expense, in case you guys didn't know that. $2,000, to be exact. Was that an automatic? Yeah. Or standard? Automatic. But they were looking at it. And they're like, it was rusted as shit from all the ice and the salt from Toronto.

Right. They're like, this car sucks. And I'm like, what? I'm like, so if I buy a new transmission, they're like, yeah, you got maybe more five months. I don't know why. I'm driving just a pile of shit right now. But it works now?

You're fine? For now. Yeah, for now. I don't like going too far distances. Oh. I like to stay in the core area. Two miles, that's it. We're not going.

I had that a couple weeks ago where it was like I had to call up the dealership and say, hey, how do I get my car to go? Like car to work? Like I can bring it to you to fix, but you need to tell me how it will start. Yeah. Oh, why? Just nothing was happening or was it giving you like a vroom, vroom me how it will start yeah oh why it just nothing was happening or was it giving you like it wouldn't get out of park oh oh so there's like a way you can manually like push down a thing and then you can start it in neutral oh that's

not annoying every time with your children in the car children in the car you're shaking the car let me just get the screwdriver out of here. And the check engine light going on and my rear lights don't work. That was the cause of all of it.

Right. It's like my brake lights didn't work. Is there like a sign you can put on the back of your car

that says I'm stopping? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the hand thing. Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's, yeah, I mean. Do the hand thing. Oh, sure. Yeah, like the hand down. What is that?

That's the hand down. Is that left? Wait, which, which is left? Left is left. Left is left. Hand up is right. Hand up is right.

Hand down is stop. Watch it. Whoa. Whoa, whoa. And then hand around is Arsenio. Yeah, yeah. The,

the, when you got your driver's license in Ontario, yes? Yes. And then hand around is Arsenio. Yeah, yeah. You got your driver's license in Ontario, yes? Yes. It's pronounced Arsenio. Thank you. Did you land it on the first try? Yes.

Really? Yes. I lucked out. I had a really nice guy. I remember a blasting Coldplay Yellow. That's when it came out. Really big year. And he told you. He was like, put on your favorite Coldplay song. I got in the car and it was already on and then I turned it off. He's like, what are you turning it off for?

I'm like, don't you listen to music when you drive? I'm like, yeah. He's like, turn it off. He's like, I know this song, but didn't know the song at all. He pretended he did. This is like 60. Yeah, he had no clue. He was like, yeah. He was not saying the words at all. There's six words in the whole song. Didn't know one. Not one. I passed right away.

But I refused to get my California license because I'm not sure if you've heard DMV jokes. But that's a form of foul. I went in, made an appointment. You still wait for the appointment. Sorry. It's my parents. I had a weird uh dream that my dog's eye fell out so i had which is strange because when i got here your dog's eye anyways

i just had fallen out it was very embarrassing i had to call and see if the dog had its eye still which i'm a psychopath anyways so your parents were calling back there yeah they're calling back because i uh they were being like this is your weekly dog eye update still two anyways love you bye go back to your weird life how old is your dog?

she's nine now gold retriever very cute oh yeah that's eye fall yeah well the dream was it came out

but like it had like those Halloween things and it was dangling but she was like galloping in like a circle and I was like it was so bad and she was like galloping in like a circle and I was like

it was so bad and I couldn't and then apparently her neighbor popped it back in but then you know like when dogs have

whites in their eyes it was like looked like it was always possessed so I couldn't get back to sleep I want to talk about the DMV

of all things I'm sorry it was a weird dream I woke up at 6am and I couldn't get back to sleep yeah I know that I was at 6am.m. and I couldn't get back to sleep. Yeah. I know that I was

attracting my parents. 6 a.m. Oh, no. What am I supposed to do? I couldn't sleep last night and I kept thinking about, remember that special Magician's Secrets Revealed?

Okay. I watched it recently and I couldn't sleep because I was like, how did they do that one trick? And I kept playing it over and over in my mind. Did you eventually look it up?

Yeah, I eventually looked it up. It was all sleight of hand. I should have answered that and you would have heard how psycho my parents were. Just me being like so I have a question for you. Does the dog still have its eye? Yeah, your parents are psycho. Are you somebody that has long, kind of long conversations with the parents? Do you call them all the time or only when you have?

They call me all the time. Okay. They're worried about you. Yeah. Oh, very. Yeah. And they should be because there's some times where I end up in place. I'm like, if anyone knew I was here right now, like there are some nights.

I get up to no good. Well, I just, like, I'll be at a strange man's house. Like, he's got a weird mustache. Everything's upside down. He's getting ready to tie you to train tracks. Everything's upside down. Like, the furniture's on the ceiling. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's a very strange man. If only they knew where I was. What did you do? Did you call your parents earlier and say, call me back? I just called, I called my mom,

I called the house phone and I called her cell, so now she's worried. Yeah, she must think that something really... Well, she knows it's probably something stupid that I'm going to ask her,

but now the double call and I almost text her, but I was going to be like, is the dog's eye okay? But I don't want it, that's too much, so I needed to do over the phone.

She writes back, what have you heard? How did you know you have a shining um have you ever had a dream that's like a deja vu have you ever had a dream that and then it felt like it came true no never but i had a so i think i just have i think someone told me about your dog's eye, and then I had a weird eye thing yesterday. Word's getting out. What was your eye thing? Okay, I did this college gig,

and it's going to get to the eye. Right as I walk off stage, this guy walks right up to me, and he's like, hey. I was like, hey. He's like,

you need to write more witty jokes for your set. And I'm like, oh. I'm like, what? And I'm like, I freaked out. I'm like, I'm going to write whatever the fuck I want. And he goes, huh. and I'm like I'm like what and I'm like I freaked out I'm like I'm going to write whatever the fuck I want

and he goes huh and I'm like yeah and then I walked away and one of his eyes was clouded over he had like a white eye and I like

for some reason was just so mad so I just walked outside I'm like fucking hate your eye I was yelling at this guy's eye I was so pissed off but then I'm like I hate your eye

everything his eyes everywhere that eye thing and I went to the dream and then your dog's eye there's eyes everywhere that eye thing and I went to the dream and then your dog's eye there's too much eye stuff going on right now the Illuminati eye

yeah oh yeah yeah we have our first dollar bill that we ever earned as a podcast on the wall it's got the eye above the pyramid

yeah Dave and I used to play at the Hungry Eye these are all it's all all coming together my favorite song is Hungry Eyes

from the dirty dancing soundtrack dirty dancing dirty dancing um just wrong just kidding my favorite uh song the other one from the dirty dancing oh my favorite is uh yellow Just my favorite all time. Well, you have yellow eyes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, what makes one of these strange men so strange? Like, are they just strange in their demeanor? No. Or they just like... They're new to you?

They're just, yeah. And it's usually like a Tinder thing. So it's like a sexual thing. And then they do something that I don't care for in the night. And then you're like, I got to go. Yeah. We're not going to ask what kind of thing they would do. But if you want to volunteer.

I can say it. One guy spit in my mouth. What? Yeah. That's something that you really should discuss. Oh, that's a big discussion. Or it's something you never do. And I was just like, what?

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, it was Or it's something you never do. And I was just like, what? Yeah, that's true. Yeah, it was very alarming. And I gagged and left. Yeah. As one would do. Spits, gags, and leaves. Yeah, that's... That's my next album title.

Yeah. That's very horrible. Yeah. That is very horrible. So I'm like, in situations like that, I just picture Mike as he's spitting at my mom and dad. Like, where's my daughter. So I'm like, in situations like that I just picture him like, as he's spitting my mom and dad's like, where's my daughter now? I'm like,

drinking a man's juices. Like, I don't know. No, I spit it out. It was disgusting. But, that's my picture.

Were you sure it wasn't an accident? Absolutely not. He wound up for that because he was kind of like, doing the, yes! I know!

It's making me sick thinking about it. Yeah, okay. Yeah. You need to come up with more witty stories. I would like... Yeah, he was right. You should have spat in that guy's mouth. Yeah.

Yeah! No, he would have loved it. Oh, yeah. The, like... Did those, like, weird, freaky sex things exist 100 years ago? I think no. No, I think yes, but I think they were more underground. Back then you had to spit through a hole in a sheet.

Yeah, I mean, you had to get married first, and then you could spit in each other's mouths until your heart was content. like what are the odds that a person you married is into that oh yeah i mean that's why we're living in a golden era that's well apparently not because no they don't match you based on that yeah no what's the other one there's uh is it bumble is the one where it's you have to the girl masters first yes is that better uh no because i thought i thought i wasn't like well i'll be really witty turns out i'm not witty at all and send something funny and then no one replies i'm like well this is just stupid oh like you send a like a funny yeah i'll send like a funny thing first like a funny gift be

like it's like macaulay caulkin doing his like maybe it's because I'm sending children they're like really freaked out this is what I'm into I like Macaulay as a kid yeah do you have this haircut there's so many now there's like have you heard of Happn

Happn's the creepiest I'm on Bungle where you can only date Mike Patton it's very funny what's Happn is if you pass somebody so if you're on the app and like somebody is in your area funny. What? What's happened? It happened as if you pass somebody.

So if you're on the app and like somebody is in your area, yeah, like somebody who walked by like outside your house and be like, oh,

you just matched with yada, yada, yada. Oh, they left a voicemail. Oh. Your parents did? Yeah, yeah.

Can we listen? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Because I, this episode is going in a hundred different directions, but I

really want to follow up on this eyeball thing. Okay, okay. But they have no idea what the eyeball thing is. Yeah, but they're worried about you. Hi, I see that you called me. I was at the hairdresser's, but I'm home all afternoon. If you want to call me back, okay?

Bye. Hilarious. Hilarious. She said something embarrassing. That wasn't that bad. I thought it was going to be worse. Also, she sounds much worse. She's not worried about you at all.

No. No, she's fine. She's going to be to be worse. Also, she sounds much worse. She's not worried about you at all. No. No, she's fine. She's going to be around all afternoon. Yeah. It's too much. Mom doesn't get up too much in the day. How often does she go to the hairdresser? Quite a bit.

Like once a week? That would be weird. My mom and dad go to, it's called Snips. It's right around the corner from my parents' house. Worst hairdresser in the city of Toronto. She's never cut hair well. My mom comes back with dye on her head. city of Toronto. I don't, she's never cut hair well. My mom comes back with like dye on her head.

I'm like, I don't know what you're doing over there. Always like, my mom has had the same haircut. She looks like Joan Jett, like the exact

same 80s haircut. Yeah. Her whole, the fringe bangs. Cool. It's insane. That is pretty cool. It's like,

she's never like gone out of that 80s style. Like it's crazy. And I guess she keeps going back there because this woman is from the 80s. Snips.

And it's just like, I went to her once and my hair was like, literally one was at my shoulders and the other one was down here before. The offset thing was cool. And I was like, and then she shaved my neck

and kind of clipped my mole back there. I was like, I don't know what's going on here. You should have someone look at that like a hairdresser. Yeah, yeah. I go to my hairdresser to get my moles looked at.

She removes them for me. She just takes them right off. Just even an outshave of my neck will be all right. I just got my hair cut, and my hairdresser was telling me that sometimes people come in, and they have, like, skin conditions that they want her to look at. And she's like, no. It's not, like, just because it's under your, just because it's in your scalp doesn't mean I have a special shampoo for you. Yeah.

You filthy animal. You mangy mutt. I go to a dog groomer. You go to a dog groomer. Do you guys go to the same hairdresser that you take the same one all the time? I do. Graham has not. I haven't been to a hairdresser. Oh, boy same one all the time um i do graham has i haven't uh been to a

hairdresser oh boy it's been years years like the last time i got my haircut was at the winnipeg comedy festival because there was just a woman backstage who was like do you want your haircut i was like sure it would be rude to say no yeah yeah yeah but your ends don't look like uh like i guess because you don't like use a curling iron or or a straightener. No, I don't use. No, I do both. I curl it and then I got to straighten it back out again. And I wake up very early. But, yeah, I went to this.

I went to a guy that cut hair out of his apartment for a long time. And he was really good. And then he moved. And then I was like, I'll just grow my hair out. Moved out of town? for a long time and uh he was really good and then he moved and then i was like i'll just grow my hair up moved out of town yeah oh yeah he's like i thought i would like move to a actual salon and you're like no no no i don't love going to a uh hairdresser like i don't like the where the if you're the facing the street and there's a window that people can like see you. Yeah. I don't.

I've never liked any of the people who cut my hair until I met the woman who cuts my hair. And she's. She gets it. She's the one. Yeah. How about you? Yeah. I could get the same haircut for a third the price at a.

And like a third the time. Do you think it would be you would like it as much? Or is it just the experience she gets it? The experience at a regular barbershop is so uncomfortable to me that I have to go to her.

Did you ever... She's a nice person that you've known that you talk casually with. Yeah. And that's most of it, right? Isn't that most of the... I don't like to chit-chat.

I had a guy that was coming to my house in LA. Nice guy. Very fine. We'll just do my kitchen. It was great. It was like 40 bucks. He left. He was... I don't like to chit-chat. I had a guy that was coming to my house in LA. Nice guy. Very fine. Would just do my kitchen. It was great. It was like 40 bucks.

He left. He was, I don't know where the hell he is. Cleaning? What? Clean? Yeah. You said do my house. Oh, no.

Like cutting my hair in my house. Oh, okay. Cut my hair in my house. So I went to this other place. I'm mumbling. But also, like, I don't know that. He comes and cleans. I've never heard of a thing like that.

And I watch him. Someone comes to your house and cuts your hair and cuts your hair sounds pretty great it's great I loved it I had the worst experience like I had a cut

a month ago this guy was looking at himself you want me to shave your mole it's gone now it's half a mole he was looking at himself in the mirror

the entire time he talked to me and it was driving me fucking crazy like I was losing it I just started like not listening or saying weird things out of nowhere because I was getting so mad because he time he talked to me and it was driving me fucking crazy like i was losing it i just started like not listening or saying weird things out of nowhere because i was getting so mad because he wasn't listening to me and he kept looking at his own hair then he fucked up my hair so bad i had to go home and cut it myself anyways i was like this is this is the description of

valet that's what the epitome of valet is this guy not even focusing on my hair as he cuts it what do i look like cutting hair could i be in a movie about a guy cutting hair yeah that's what he was trying to like study for a character. I didn't even want to say it was a comic. He's like, so what do you do? I'm like, I'm entertainment. He's like, well, everyone thinks I'm hilarious and I should do comedy. I'm like, I'm going to kill myself right here in the chair.

I'm going to take his fucking scissors and just kill myself because I can't listen to this guy. So cocky and not funny at all. Very unfunny. No one's ever told you that. You unfunny. No, witty. You need to come up with some witty jokes. So this was a one-time thing? Yeah, never going back to that guy again. Fair enough.

So now you're auditioning. Are you a free agent? Yeah, I'm a free agent. Do you guys want to come here? Sure. I cut it myself. You just go in the mirror and snip. Really? Yeah, I'm not going back. Sure. I cut it myself. You just go in the mirror and snip. Really?

Yeah. I'm not going back. Yeah. I've done that. Sometimes I'll get like the part, the long part of it, like it's short on one side

and long on top, but sometimes a part has moved. Yeah. And then you're like, get back over there. I'll just cut you. Yeah.

I guess I've trimmed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, you can trim yours. Just bring it, like, part it in the middle and then bring it around wet. Yeah.

And then snip it. There we go. Does that sound crazy to you? It's just sort of the idea of Graham parting his hair in the middle like he's, you know, some kind of wife in a cult. When I lived with a bunch of dudes, all the guys in the house all cut their own hair, which I thought was weird. With scissors or?

Scissors and a clipper to do all. So they did all the like, you know, trimming and buzz work. And I could do the buzz work if I was buzzing everything, but like, no, yeah,

these guys had like, like hairdo. If I wouldn't know where to stop on the back, like, yeah, I don't get help at the back or just, no, they would just with a mirror and then just,

yeah, it was weird, but I feel like maybe one of them did it. And then the other one was like, yeah, I can do this. And they were all pretty good. Like there's, you know, it's just like, I don't know, guy's hair, it feels like it'd be very easy to do. How many guy hairdos are there?

There's the part. The junior executive. Yeah. Continental. There's the Graham Clark. Yeah, the uh-huh there's the graham clark yeah the graham clark the western the uh dracula yeah the funky disco maniac uh flock of seagulls yeah steve irwin luke skywalker yeah uh yarmir Jagger and Dylan and Brandon yeah

and those are all of the guys haircuts and there'll never be a new one that's it did you ever I mean there's the Hitler like everyone's got

everyone's got the Hitler these days yeah when you wake up in the morning it's hard not to have the Hitler right hair pasted to your forehead from sweat

am I right guys sweating in your sleep did you ever go to a hairdresser with a picture and say, do what picture? Dragon. It was that picture from Vietnam with the guy with the gunning accent. And you were like, that was pretty weird, eh? Anyway, he's cut my hair. Did it exact.

Did you? No. pretty weird hey anyways cut my hair did it exact that's why did you no i i never like there those like magazines you'd flip through but i like i was like just cut it make it fun i don't know i never really had like a cool style make it fun make it fun your hair right now is fun yeah it's a fun length it's short i was too hot yeah i had to cut it i was sweating night sweats day sweats constant sweating yeah it's too hot do you Do you have hyperhidrosis? You're one of these people? I think I just have the nuke sweats is what I like to call them. You're very worried about nukes.

I'm very, like, I've never really thought about them until, I guess, I guess, I'm sure the news is the same up here, but like every day that's all, like, that's all we hear constantly. Every day at the gym it'd be like, nukes here that I'd leave, and everyone's talking about nukes. Just nukes everywhere. We get nukes, and then usually there's a story about what socks our prime minister is wearing. What fun socks. What a fun guy. Yeah. He's really, he was wearing Chewbacca socks yesterday. Oh, wow. So that's actually in the news?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm. Pretty much every week. Wow. Wow. No, no. Wow. The bar is so low to be a world leader these days that just being a guy who wears cool socks and is kind of nice to look at breaks a hundred thousand promises. Yeah. But yeah, boy, oh boy, does he look good in those photo ops.

You know, when it's all the leaders together and it's just like it's just like uh all weird characters of uh at a lord of the rings yeah and uh one handsome yeah and just more you know hobbits and trolls and uh you know golems the pasty folks yeah um yeah so like uh it's just constantly in the news cycle and then like there was a people were everyone has their own opinion but a lot of comics were just saying how they he would nuke hollywood first and i was like not the science specifically but a lot of comics were saying this yeah don't listen to the comics i don't know why i listen because they i mean next you'll be worried about opening bags of peanuts on the plane.

You're so worried about the DMV. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's too much. Yeah, I'm kind of the same. I never thought, I thought all the stuff like about nuclear weapons was kind of, it was, it felt like ancient history. about nuclear weapons was kind of, it felt like ancient history. It was like back in the 50s, there was a worry that this was going to be the end of the world. But we all grew up and we're fine now that everybody's armed to the teeth.

And now it feels like it's, you know, all of a sudden I'm thinking about it. Can I build a nuke? I mean, can you? Can you? Can I build a nuke? I mean, can you? Can you? Can I? I don't know. I believe in you. I think you could.

I don't think North Korea has many resources to be building a nuke. No. But then they did it. Yeah, that's true. You just collect things from around your backyard. Yeah, from around the neighborhood. Yeah, yeah. Put them in a box. Steam them.

I feel like you have to steam it. That makes a potion and um yeah you gotta make some sort of potion yes keep it it's like a green smoke that's my picture but condensed wasn't there there was some kid ah this was like like maybe five or six years ago and he effectively made like a dirty bomb. Like his whole neighborhood had to be quarantined because he had like slowly collected. Dirt. Yeah.

Yeah. Was it Justin Timberlake? And you wonder why they want to nuke us. Yeah. But he like collected, you know, there's like a certain amount of radioactive stuff in every smoke detector. Oh, like the tiny little radioactive, I guess it's like whatever makes the mechanism work. Anyways, he collected like thousands and thousands of smoke detectors and like took that metal part out. And so then the government had to like quarantine the whole neighborhood.

They're like, like uh your nerdy neighbor is trying to make some sort of uh yeah yeah yeah so you could do it if that kid could do it and i don't wanna no if someone else is doing it i'm not doing it uh i want to be the first thing google result when they say local man made on nuke. Did you ever know anybody that was like a doomsday prepper? No. I knew somebody in Alberta that had like... Doomsday pepper?

Yeah. And he sold them out of the back of his truck. That was a millionaire. Very spicy. Yeah, he had a bunker and like had it stocked with. He was sure

there was going to be something particularly around the Y2K era. He thought he was going to really come out on top. And that young

man, Prime Minister Justin Trump. Oh, great. My Abby's parents in Switzerland, their house has a

bomb shelter. Oh, wow. Because all houses built during the Cold War in Switzerland, their house has a bomb shelter. Oh, wow. Because all houses built in the, during the cold war in Switzerland had to have a bomb shelter. Wow. So it is just like. Is it below the basement? It's in the basement. In the basement.

Yeah. But it's got like a heavy metal door and. Heavy metal. Wow. It's got like a anthrax door. And, but I don't know what, they like dry laundry in it. They pickle things now. It's a good pickling.

That would be so, like if there was, there was, you know, a scare and they ran down there like, why didn't we put anything in here except drying laundry? We could have stored so many things. There's no basements in LA so that's what I like I started looking up the closest schools and I was

I got to the point where I almost went to the school and asked if they had a basement but I'm like I'm going to get arrested. Hey do you guys have a basement here? Get out of here.

What goes on in the boiler room? But I yeah there's no basement. So I bought a bunch of duct tape. I want to cut the kid's hair. That would help me. Because I have a lot of cracks in the foundation of the house I live in. So I'm like, I'll just duct tape. And the new air can never get in here.

Yeah, but. No, you'll die right away. And then everyone's like, oh, you'll die immediately. I'm like oh yeah yeah if they aim one at Hollywood and it lands

you're just gonna be gone you'll just you'll just you'll just be like a shadow and suddenly we will be like the top podcast

yeah yeah yeah we'll have to it'll be like Dunkirk like we'll be enlisted to

every podcast has to make episodes anybody who's got a microphone make podcasts we have a shortage because Hollywood was nuked

do you have like an earthquake preparedness kit? no I was just buying some like water but i need to go to costco because then i drank it all just kind of got a bottle of nuke stuff we didn't get nuke so then i just ate the chickpeas and drank the water i had that problem like i kept buying granola bars and then when i was just sitting around at night i was like oh yeah those granola bars

those new granola so i had to buy stuff that i hate that i can still eat in an emergency but like beans yeah oh that's a good idea yeah like uh no like you know that weird gel that like people who run a marathon oh yeah that they rub on their thighs to prevent chafing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I'm playing. If shit goes down, I'm out running. I'm going to put Band-Aids on my nipples. Yeah. You know what? Why even wear a shirt in the post-apocalypse?

I don't need to be wearing a shirt. You don't need to wear anything. Hockey mask. Oh, what do you guys, how do you feel about this pre-apocalypse? Yeah. Well, it's not as superman esque it's not like there's not as many crystals is pretty interesting yeah that's true and then yeah post-apocalypse is all going to be motorcycles and you know me being uh somebody's pet. That one.

Yeah, what position do you think you'd fulfill in the post-apocalypse? Oh, God. Warrior? See, you seem like a warrior. I kind of feel, yeah, I feel like I just, I could be really good in the woods. Okay. I just feel like I'd become like a wooded, make a lot of my own things. So you'd be part of the, like, the wood,

if I'm going through all the gangs to try and get back to whatever, you'd be in the woods gang. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dave? I'd be like a guy

who makes sure other people go through with their suicide pacts. You said you would. You hang up first. Yeah, it's a, yeah, the pre-apocalypse. Yeah, nobody ever calls it that. Yeah, that makes it sound way worse. This episode's a bummer.

Yeah. Well, I think, you know, we'll find out hopefully during the break. Put that eyeball. Yeah, that eyeball. Your mom doesn't sound like an eyeball fella. Your mom would call you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just got back from the barber. Got back from snibs. Your mom doesn't sound like an eyeball fella. Your mom would call you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I just got back from the barber. Got back from snibs. Snibs is so much funnier. Snibs. And the dog guy was hanging out. Dangling around. And I thought to myself, I love rock and roll. Good thing my mom doesn't listen to podcasts so she'll never hear this she'll listen to this one though because she doesn't know what a podcast is she's no idea

i'll send it to her yeah yeah okay she'll listen to a minute be like this is annoying i'm not listening to this well you know i'll cut out the email dance joy no no uh dave what's going on with you man here's a thing. Yeah. A social situation where I didn't know what to do. Uh-oh. So the other day I went, there's like a pizza place in my neighborhood that does, you can buy a slice of pizza. Dallas pizza. That's not the place.

Sorry, I hit it last night. Oh, is it good? Okay. But the place I went to, and the woman in front of me in line said, actually, could I get an entire pizza? Can I get the entire pizza? Because I'm feeding a film crew. Right. And so immediately people had to ask, oh, what are they they filming? Oh it's just a short film

but they're all vegan and so I just want the margarita pizza because one of the actors is allergic to hummus and that's all I know how to feed vegan people and I didn't know whether it was up to me to say hey you know the cheese all over the pizza is is not vegan yeah it comes from a cow or maybe a goat um yeah then what did you do i did nothing nothing. And the people serving her did nothing. They gave her the pizza she asked for. They're like, where is my responsibility as a pizzeria?

Also, like, I don't want to get accused of mansplaining veganism to someone. Maybe. Is it? Yeah. Yeah. Is that though? I don't think that's mansplaining it's at that point that's just like yes she's an idiot you have to tell yeah you're just explaining

really but where what's the line i don't know that's true obviously this person didn't know anything and that's oh man i don't i'm not feed a vegan uh you know i would go just with a starve a fever feed a vegan yeah yeah yeah so you know like you know things like a soup or a salad or things like that like very easy uh no kind of animal-based ingredients. You know, hummus? Sure. What about a margarita pizza? Just tell them, just here, just wipe the cheese off into the trash. With your bare hands, here you go. Slip the cheese off.

Yeah, I mean, I'm not in favor of a person going to a slice place and buying the whole yeah that's what i thought your the no i mean they had more like and they were like oh we can make you a fresh one if you want it'll be five minutes and right so then there was they had like literally three margarita pizzas there anyway so because I've been in line and I've like staked out what slice I want and there's ample of that type of slice and then the person in front of me is like, I will. And then they go throw it in the garbage.

And then I see them in the street wiping the toppings into the sewer drain. No, I have no problem with that. First come, first serve. I'd be very annoyed yeah i mean not as annoyed as the vegan crew that was making this this movie also all vegan crew yeah that's a nightmare really what short film is this yeah and, is that in the credits, like, at the end when it says like, no animals were harmed at all? Yeah, this was a vegan crew.

And the short film was about killing a dog with your bare hands. You're like, oh my God. Strangling. The eyeball pops out. Whoa. But, um, also, like, one pizza's not going to feed a film crew.

No, but that's very indicative of working on, like, a short film, is that, you know, the producers are like, here's a pizza for eight of you. You know, and that's like you're not getting paid anything or you're getting paid, you know, 50 bucks for the day or whatever. Have you worked on any? No, no, not no not really no you haven't acted in anything yeah i guess but yeah i don't remember right now i'm sure there was some i'm sure there's got to be a something yeah left joint floating out there somewhere something yeah there's a couple things yeah i feel like every time that i was like when i was just out of film school I'd work on these things

and it was that. It was always it was always pizza. Or Subway. Oh yeah. If you were lucky you would get Subway. I did extra work.

You didn't get to pick your Subway. They were just like we got we brought six subs. You did extra work. Yeah. Me and my friend

for Radio Free Roscoe that show that was on YTV, and we were the only two people that we kept, like, we were, like, talking so we let people go first. And it was hot dogs. We get there, like,

oh, we just gave the last two away. So we were the only two extras on the set to not get hot dogs. I was so mad. I was so hungry. So I just sat. It was supposed to be a concert scene. So I just sat in the middle of the floor

on the ground because they couldn't really see me and I was just so mad I sat for the entire rest of the filming I'm like I can't eat I'm not gonna act I'm so annoyed

the hole in the middle of the concert scene for no reason me just pissed off cross-legged on the ground what's my motivation hot dogs?

yeah yeah hot dogs that's an easy one to do for a vegetarian no for for a film set oh you know for vegans they won't eat cheese but hot dogs that's not real just a vegan hot dog is just a carrot and a bun there you go but like i guess if you can't identify the meat then it's not really. Yeah. It doesn't really go against your beliefs. And if it also, you know, how much of this is actually meat and how much is actually, you know.

Eyelashes. Yeah. Hot dogs are gray before they're dyed. Yeah. I just wanted to know that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sure everyone knows that. They're gray. Oh, I think they're great.

They're great. They're great before they're dyed and actually made into a shape. There's just a wet blob. There's a lot of troubling things about hot dogs. It takes a lot of ignorance to eat one. And I have that. A powerful ignorance streak. When I go to Ikea, I'm like, I don't care if I'm eating a pig's asshole right now.

It's a buck. That's something that we were talking a few weeks ago about. Like, what has the price not gone up in years? I think the food at Ikea is still a bargain basement loss leader. Yeah. But don't they have, like, I haven't been to an Ikea in years and years and years. Don't they have, like, I haven't been to an Ikea in years and years and years. Don't they have, like, quite an extensive menu now? Well, they have, like, a cafeteria as well.

But they're also right by the checkout for the, like, the furniture checkout. There's hot dogs and ice cream cones. Yeah, but they have, like, the middle shop. Yeah. Of, like, the meatballs and, like, there's a soup and there's a soup, and there's a salad bar. Wow. A lot of desserts. Salad bars.

That's something that, I don't know, the last time I ate at a place that had a salad bar. I think Pizza Hut bakes a nice salad bar for a while there. The big vats of dressing. A thousand islanders sat there for 16 hours. And I remember watching ads from the States, and that was always a big like sizzler. Yeah. Come to our giant salad bar. And as a kid, just being like, what is, what?

Although if you ever went to one as a kid, you'd be like croutons, like a big bowl of croutons. Yeah. Bacon bits. And ranch. That actually sounds good. It does. It sounds like I kind of want that.

I, um, uh, I was watching, I wasn't watching, but the TV was on and it was playing the sort of like

How It's Made show about how they make ranch. Oh no. Is it bad? No, it wasn't bad, but it was like the, uh,

it was first invented, you guessed it, on a ranch. But what is it? Horsecum. Yeah. I did a joke once about ranch being just like somebody had mayonnaise and then opened a barn door and a wind came in and just like flakes came in. I don't think I've ever did it after that because it was not funny. No, I disagree.

Witty. Yeah, I like it. It's witty. It's witty. It's my only witty bit. I've got to bring it back. But what are those flakes? Just giant pepper flakes?

I'm actually curious about what ranch is. I was sort of walking in and out of the room trying to... Oh, you weren't enthralled? No, I was like, how am I going to

play this wrinkled shirt off? It was ironed. How rich is it? They must be down near the bottom. It involved buttermilk and vinegar.

Plenty of salt, I imagine. I didn't catch what the chunks were. Or flakes. I easily googled it but I didn't catch what the chunks were. Oh. Hmm. Or flakes. Easily Google it. I'm sure they're like, yeah, usually in preparing a salad dressing, they have some sort of screen to get the chunks out. But we at Ranch, are you looking it up? Yeah.

Yeah. I've watched that how they make hot dogs thing. Is that weird to have? No, my dad knew somebody at a factory. Do you think it's great because it was a black and white video of them making hot dogs? Oh, no. It's like the thing where they're mixing up the meat and then they put in like a lot of corn syrup and water to keep it. And it just turned,

it's the craziest. It's like something out of like a, like a sci-fi. Like it's just this like big gray churning blob. That's so gross. Yeah. Buttermilk. Yeah.

Dried parsley, dried chives, garlic powder, onion powder, dried dill, kosher salt, black pepper, and cayenne. onion powder dried dill kosher salt black pepper and cayenne make your own dill or ranch make your own dill then make your own ranch be my guest uh so that's what's going on with me try not to mansplain about veganism i'm not a vegan maybe i'm wrong

yeah that's uh that's good of you that you were like you know what and also it's a teachable moment for her yeah she'll learn yeah and I did the I feel like the more adult thing to do was come back here and say it into a microphone I've got

pizza oh no what's going on with you well I've got pizza. Oh, no. What's going on with you? Well, late last week, early this week, I had like a head cold. Oh, no. I know. And so I was like, you know what? I've got to like just stay in bed for the bulk of a day and just kind of like head it off and uh so i was looking for something to

watch on netflix that was very like a hundred percent inconsequential like that i could like fall asleep during and i could wake back up three episodes later and it wouldn't matter and so i was looking like i went on the reality show tab on netflix and I went through and I found the perfect show. It is a show, one season. It's called Rock This Boat and it's about a New Kids on the Block cruise that happens every year and it follows people who are on this four or five day cruise that the New Kids on the Block are also on. Ask me anything.

How many episodes? There was 10. Oh, that's four more than I was guessing. I thought it was one of these short run British series. It's prestigious. So the new kids on the block, they just entertain every night? They're the only entertainment on this cruise? That is correct.

No. Yeah. Because all these music cruises, they'll have like 10 acts. One of them does stand up. The other one does stand up. They're all rotating during the... No, every night, except for one night that's like an actual concert, is like a themed party. And they're in attendance.

Oh. And they like, basically, they basically dance on stage like male strippers dance. Okay. And these, you know, middle-aged women go berserk. And that's what the show. So is there any like couples or is it mostly just single women? Yeah, there was couples. There was a couple who gets married on the new kids on the block cruise.

Donnie Wahlberg officiated. Of course. Yeah. Reverend Wahlberg. And like, can you name the new kids on the block? No, I can't even name one.

Donnie Wahlberg. Yeah. Joey McIntyre. Yeah. Jordan Knight. Yeah. John Knight. Danny Wood. Nice. Right.re. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that guy. Jordan Knight. Yeah. John Knight. Danny Wood.

Nice. Right. Wow. Yeah. Danny Wood and John were like the backup dancers. Yeah, and I feel like just based on the way that they were kind of acting on stage, Danny Wood is the most over it. He seems like the most like, why am I doing this? And Donnie seems the most over it he seems like the most like why am i doing this and donnie

seems the most into it oh okay was jenny mccarthy there no but at one point one of the people on the show was reading her book are they together yeah ah that's why that you remember on new year's eve that was like one of the big things they kept kept, on one of the feeds, they were both hosting and they kept going back to them making out. Donnie Wahlberg and Jenny McCartney. Strange. Do you know anything about the New Kids on the Block? No. Really?

I think I just wasn't really into them. Well, you were a little young. I think I was a bit too young. You got your license to Coldplay. Yeah, I think I got yeah like I got into Hanson so that they were beforehand so Hanson was when I started getting into music like oh yeah they were maybe actually boys and six or seven years before that yeah yeah yeah yeah I knew them but I wasn't I had like a dance mix 92 much right remember those cassettes

yeah like that's one that was the first thing I ever listened to. So if they weren't on that, then it never happened. That's it. I didn't care. It never happened. It's funny, too, because the show was made for very cheap, so there's very little New Kids on the Block music in it. Weird.

Yeah. You'd think they would have got that licensed pretty early on. It's produced by Donnie Wahlberg's production company. So he's got the most FaceTime. What's it by Donnie Wahlberg's production company. Uh-huh. So he's got the most FaceTime. What's it called? What's his production company called? Donnie D Productions. Donnie D, ew.

Donnie D, are you ready? Ready as I'll ever be. Jordan and John, come on. We got a funky, funky Christmas going on. Is that? Have a funky, funky Christmas. Is that a real song? What if I made it up?

How award worthy would that be? That would have been, yeah, just wow. Wow either way, to be honest. Wow that you know it. Wow that you made it up. That was something they performed on Arsenio. And I think one of my sisters wrote the lyrics on the blackboard in my room. Yeah.

Funky Christmas is very hard to memorize. You have to have the lyrics written. Well, there's that little rap bit at the beginning. It's Christmas time. We're going to celebrate it with a rhyme. And the show doesn't focus on the band it focuses on

like a bunch of people who are on this cruise and how much the cruise means to them and they go every year yeah

there's one lady who's been on it every year do any of them ever accidentally go on the Barenaked Ladies cruise

or the Kid Rock yeah they show up one week early. Do other bands do this? Oh, yeah. I had no clue. Yeah, but like mostly it's what

Dave said where it's like there's a bunch of different acts on the same boat. Yeah. I think I did hear it wasn't like a Limp Bizkit cruise, but it was like

a bunch of, that would be an actual form of Like you would have to burn the ship. That's when they're like, well, we're getting rid of this boat anyways. I guess we can have a limp biscuit.

It's going straight to the Bermuda Triangle and never coming back. Can you do a cruise on an ice floe? So yeah, there was a couple who gets married. There's a couple who, it's a couple of sisters that had a really hard year.

So this is them cutting loose, you know. There was a group of sisters that had a really hard year, so this is them cutting loose. Wow. There was a group of guys that were like, hey, we could probably get laid if we go on this cruise. Oh, yeah, the quotient. Yeah. Quotient? Ratio. Ratio.

Good ratio. That's really desperate. Did they? The new kids on the blog, fanboys that are, ugh. Did they get laid? They never said, but subtext said that the girls that they kept

hanging around, they eventually... They never said for sure, but smell their fingers. They encourage you. No one ever actually did that

to you guys. Did they? The smell your fingers? No. No. I didn't hang out with the type of people that would...

But I imagine there are guys who did that. Why aren't they washing their hands, those guys, afterwards? That's just a weight. They're just saving those two fingers. Two? You guys use your pinkies. Sorry, you're gentlemen.

Pinkies up. Yeah, I don't know yeah I don't know I don't know what goes on they shower but they wash around their hands it's outside of the shower

it's in like a ziplock bag like it's got a cast on it keeping it dry um so anyways it's on Netflix if anybody wants a really a real short

a real dumb reality series half hour episodes half. Half hour episodes? Half hour. Half hour episodes. No stakes. Like non-existent stakes. It's people that are on a...

What's the saddest thing that happened? This one woman flashes Danny to try and get tickets to the VIP party. And then she's super sad that she embarrassed herself because she's... Probably, I want to say she's in her 50s. And she didn't get the tickets? Nope. Oh. Danny was.

Not impressed. Danny has checked out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's when I was like. Oh yeah. Danny's very over this.

What are the biggest. New kids songs. To you. Funky funky Christmas. Yeah. Funky funky Christmas. Hanging tough. Hanging tough.

Please don't go girl. Please don't go girl. Can't go girl can they still do it after puberty he does in the show um uh step by step oh that's the one I know

yeah that's like the last hit wait was that also the theme song for step by step no what was the theme song for step by Step? No. What was the theme song for

Step by Step Day by Day A fresh start over A different end of day Oh, I don't know the song at all. I was thinking The something we said

We'll be better The second time around And they were all walking through like an amusement park Yeah. Really high angle. Well, the last shot

is the roller coaster. Yeah, yeah. But it was very close to like amusement park. Yeah. Really high angle. Well, the last shot is the roller coaster. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was very close to like a lake. Yeah, it was a big body of water was right next to it. It was, what was the premise of that show? It was basically the Brady Bunch, right? Yeah. Patrick Duffy marries Suzanne Somers and they both have kids already.

And then they realize the kids are a zilch. So they brought on Cody. Cody lived outside. He was a virgin. He lived in a van. I don't think I've ever seen the show either. Really? I just knew that song.

I think it bored me. But you don't know the song. I don't know the song. I just know step by step, day by day. That's all I know about the song. He lived outside. It's in the front lawn. The kid's a virgin living. Well, he's on the day. That's all I know about the song. He lived outside. It's in the front lawn. The guy, the kid's a virgin living.

Well, he's on the lawn. That's why. Yeah. He was technically a virgin, but smell his fingers. Do we want to move on to Overheard? Sure. How's it going, everyone? I'm Oliver Wang.

And I'm Morgan Rhodes. We have a brand new show on the Maximum Fun Network that we'd love to share with you. It's called Heat Rocks. Morgan, we should probably explain what a heat rock is. It is a banger, a fire track, true fire. Right. Dope album. Each episode, we will bring on a special guest to join us to talk about one of their heat rocks. It might be a musician.

A writer. Maybe a scholar. I mean, I would have been happy to just talk to you about your Heat Rocks, but this is a different show. Yeah, I think people might enjoy hearing maybe the guests instead. To do that, you'll have to go to MaximumFun.org. So if you want to talk about hot music, you should check us out. Heat Rocks. Every week on Inside Pop, we take turns recommending something great from the world of pop culture to each other.

And in the month of October, we're going big, very big with the big cell 30 every day for 30 days. We're going to suggest some type of pop culture to check out things that may not be on your radar, but will be well worth trying from TV to music to movies and more. The big cell 30 is as irresistible as a Jedi mind trick as convincing as an Annalise Keating closing argument and as seductive as Miguel singing a ballad shirtless and slightly sweaty. Follow us on Twitter at Pop Insiders for daily Big Cells and listen to Inside Pop every week for Big Cells from some special guests. The Big Cell 30 starts October 1st and runs every day of the month on Inside Pop.

Every day of the month on Inside Pop. Overheard. Overheards. You know, when you're out there saying something, somebody's probably listening. And then they're going to, you know, they're going to send it our way. And then we're going to talk about it. Now, usually we start with the guest. But right now our guest is frantically looking at her phone trying to find an overheard. She just heard from her parents that the dog's eye is, in fact, flopping around.

But he likes it. And so they've decided they're not popping it back in. She? She likes it? Oh, yeah, she likes it. She likes it. Yeah. Overheard has to be something that wasn't directed to me, right?

It could be directed to you. No, but that's not as good. We'll see. If anything springs to mind, well, we do ours. But if not, whatever. There's no rules. You're not going to get banned for life from the show. Not for that, anyway.

So we'll start. Dave. This isn't mine, but yesterday you and I were, uh, uh, we had lunch together at a pan, a Dutch pancake restaurant. Yes. The Dutch panacook house. And, uh, we both had panacooks. I went savory and you went savory.

Savory. Yeah. Savory panacooks. Have you ever had? No, I thought you were just saying pancakes with a weird way. No. Basically. Okay.

You can do toast and coffee or greasy eggs and bacon, or you can do the Dutch and taste the fine stuff we're making. Do the Dutch. Pannekoek house. Do the Dutch. This is like funky Christmas all over again. This is like step by step. Do the Dutch.

This is like funky Christmas all over again. This is like step by step. And we were there and I pointed out this guy who had a beige sweater on with black shoulders. And I don't think he knew it, but that's a Star Trek The Next Generation outfit. He was basically Data. He was also wearing black pants. And black pants. Yeah. Although not part of the Star Trek uniform he had, like, what was, like.

Like, super long, curled up. Like Mexican boots? Yeah, yeah. Like, those, like, you know. I'm thinking, like, an elf shoe. Kind of like an elf shoe. Yeah. Like, really long and narrow and then, like, curling up.

Okay. Towards his head. Okay. Yeah. Anyway, so that isn't my overseen. My overseen is this one. I drove past it once last week and I wasn't sure I read it right. Then I drove past it again this week and it's on Kingsway.

And apparently it's a dart, a place to go play darts, I'm guessing. Oh. And I don't know if the name of this place is a darts term or if it is like a naughty term for genitals. But it's called Sugar Loop West Coast Darts. Yeah. I have no idea. Like it's a whole dart board, a loop we call that the sugar loop yeah i uh and and it's like a place where you buy equipment for playing darts or it's like a darts

like a place to for dart heads now uh full disclosure i have since looked it up yeah it's a cafe attached to a place you play darts. Oh. Sugar Loop. But the sign says Sugar Loop West Coast Darts. Hmm. Hmm. Not good at darts.

No. We talked about darts a couple weeks ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So don't. Yeah, yeah. I won't. Wow.

But I wonder if I'd be good at. What was lawn darts? Was that just darts? I think that was banned because. Because kids were getting. It was big darts. Did they go into the lawn? They went into the lawn, but I'm not sure.

So you had to throw them up a little bit. Yeah. Oh yeah. And so that they got like, you know, like a badminton shuttlecock. Yeah. I think it was like coming down and like stabbing kids because they were like these super sharp oh god yeah yeah weight on one end anyway yeah but they were banned uh that's the kind of thing that's like a 70s thing that you know sitcoms would talk about or you know

comedians would mention lawn darts pet rock My favorite of all time of a comedian mentioning something like that is Erica Sigurdsson talking about back in the day getting a cake with pennies baked into it. Did you ever have that? No. Maybe it was quarters. Yeah, quarters. Oh, yeah, no, I had

a quarter. It's like a European thing, right? It was like a Bulgarian thing. And they would be wrapped in wax paper yeah i just pictured like a bunch of pennies littered in the cake and i was like that's disgusting i'm not eating that why does this cake taste like blood um yeah but you know she was talking about how like go to kids and there's gluten-free varieties. She's like, when I was a kid, they used to make change into it. Yeah.

My overseen is courtesy of walking down Granville Street on a Friday night. Carrying paint cans. Yeah. You can tell by the way I use my walk there was a guy wearing everybody's like dressed in their like this is the club district yeah so everybody's wearing their like club

clothes except this one guy he must have either worked at a place and just kept this shirt or found it at a thrift store or possibly in the garbage it was like not a form-fitting shirt but it said uh ask me about spider-man 3 on blu-ray it was just so out of place and it was like you know like yeah like a shirt maybe you worked at best buy that but that's an old spider-man

they only made the first spider-mans into spider-man 3 right the toby mcguire's that's right they the garfields didn't go up to three they didn't go up to three and the third one uh people really hate but i like it because it's got a big dance number yeah i'm like think multiple dance numbers it's true actually there's multiple dance numbers in spider-man 3 and uh you know what both it's great it's great if you're gonna introduce somebody who's never seen Spider-Man before, start with Spider-Man 3 and work your way in both directions simultaneously. He's like a web slinger, right? Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he's friendly. And, uh, you know, some people call him a web head. Oh, sure, sure, sure. Uh, the local paper thinks, seem to think that he's a, he's a criminal. Oh. He's the bad guy No, no, no How does Peter Pan get those pictures of him?

They're lovers Peter Pan Peter Pan? Close enough Peter Panther? Have I seen the right movie? Go ahead I have one, yes

It's like a seen and heard combo thing Do you want us to kill more time talking about Spider-Man? No, no He's like a form-fitting suit. Yeah, he can shoot webs out of his wrists. Any size? Yeah, yeah. Catch his miscreants.

Just like bugs. Mine's a serious one. Wait a minute. In the cartoon song, is it catches thieves just like flies? That's pretty low stakes. They don't just have them catching thieves in the movie. No, no, no. Murderers, too.

Yeah. Yeah. And Octoman. Yeah, mostly a big bad guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, Steph. Okay. Go ahead.

So, mine was at a place called Dinosaur Coffee, where I like to pretend I go and write, but I just sit and stare at other people. This is in Los Angeles? It's in Silver Lake. It's a nice coffee shop. I actually heard Kim Jong-un say something about dinosaur coffee. So I sit outside.

Where is this, by the tar pits? It's not even close to the tar pits. No, it's the top of Silver Lake. It's nice, whatever. It's right across from this plaza with a bar called Jay's Bar where everybody, well, Canadians go there because apparently a Canadian owns it.

Anyways, so I'm sitting on the patio outside, and a cop car pulls up. Like a white van pulls into the thing. Three cop cars come. Cops, like, get out, all put their guns out, like 10 cops. One cop comes, gets his shotgun out, cocks it, and I'm like, oh, my God. So I get up and run inside.

I'm like, I'm not getting killed. I run inside. As I'm running inside, this guy pushes past me. He's like, oh, this would be great for the gram.. I'm like, I'm not getting killed. I run inside. As I'm running inside, this guy pushes past me. He's like, oh, this would be great for the gram. And I'm like, is this? I literally, everyone ran out and I ran in. It was the only one in the coffee shop. And I was like, is this serious right now?

I was fucking freaked out. And everybody was just like, it was a normal thing to see. I've never seen that many guns in my life out at one time. It's a movie. It's like a movie. And they took one guy out, arrested him under this pizza place. And then shot him. And then, oh, several times. No. It was crazy. It's like a movie. Then they took one guy out, arrested him under this pizza place. And then shot him. And then, oh, several times.

No. It was crazy. It was nuts. Wow. And everyone had their phones out. Everyone was filming it. And I was literally inside like, I'm about to duck.

I'm like, if one shot goes missed, I don't know. Who knows? I was right across the street from it. There was nobody filming you hiding? No. Everybody was filming that. And there was high school kids all there.

All their phones out. Everyone was just filming it. High school kids are dumb. Yeah, yeah, clearly. You're smart. Although you should have been writing it in your script. Yeah, yeah. Just a blank page, and then the cops pulled up.

Finally, I have some material, some witty jokes. Exterior coffee shop. I don't know, is this more exterior parking lot? I better go get a muffin. But the fact that that guy was making his Instagram story, and he was jacked up for it, I was like, that's funny. Don't do it as a story. Do it get a muffin. But the fact that that guy was making his Instagram story and he was jacked up for it, I was like, that's funny. Don't do it as a story. Do it as a post.

You're going to lose that story in a day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is premium content. You want to keep it on your permanent feed. There's a guy, I can't remember his name, but there's a guy in L.A. and he walks around with some sort of rig that he's always live streaming his life like all the time, always.

He's like the number one. What is the live streaming app called? It's like. Oh, Zip Chin? Yeah, Zip Chin. Zip Chin. Anyways, he's like the number one Zip Chin-er. Anyways, he's like the number one zip-chinner.

Is he one of these guys who got unlimited data before the phone companies realized what they were making it out? The American plans are very good, I must say. Yeah. I roam like home. Yeah, this guy's made this crazy rig so that he's got like a camera on him and a camera that faces outwards and he's got like all battery so he can just run this thing all the live long day does he do anything interesting is he that interesting he's got that much to say this guy no he doesn't but he'll he'll just he'll go around la and he like one time he saw, the only reason I thought of it was because he went to a scene where there was

like cop cars and there was somebody threatening to jump off a building. And, and that was a big, that was a big day on his, uh, the only day that anything's ever happened on that guy. He just walks, he walks up and down Hollywood Boulevard.

And yeah, but he's like the number one of this app oh yeah he's the number one zip chinner um anyways when you run into him and you will okay i said hey now we also have overheard sent into us from people all over the map. If you want to send one in to us, you can send it in to spy at MaximumFun.org. This first one comes from Andy in Seattle. Oh, Andy Haynes? It's not Andy Haynes. I was heading home on the ferry from Bainbridge.

Woo! Shout out. Bainbridge. home on the ferry from bainbridge whoo shout out bainbridge uh to seattle today when a group of 20 something rave kids walked by talking loudly about 10 seconds later a couple equally loud uh talking equally loud talking older woman walked by and said are those kids going to a music festival or that nerd thing that also happens no they look like they enjoy music otherwise they'd be dressed up like your son what is he again a brony oh no i love my brony son i will have you know terrence is always welcome in my home brony or not that That's, yeah, that would be...

Are you really going through old overheards? Because I don't think there have been 20-something rave kids for 20 years. What's a brony? I don't know what that is. It's a... It's a male fan, attic, fanatic of the... Like a grown man.

A grown man, My Little Pony fan. Ew. That's an actual... What? It's an actual condition. Yeah. Oh, I don't know. And there's no cure.

And this is a well-known thing that... Yeah, it's a well-known thing. There's at least two documentaries on Netflix about it. Really? Yeah, and it's... And these guys, we've talked about them kind of in the past, but they're apparently very sincere about this. This isn't an ironic, like, isn't it crazy that we're all.

I don't care for that one bit. No? That's a bit creepy, I think. Well, I think the newer iteration of My Little Pony has, it's not, it's a little more clever than the kids one in the 80s. Okay. It's a little, it's a little bit, yeah, more knowing about its existence. You still, what if, okay. I don't know why.

Tinder, you show up at a guy's, you met on Tinder. Yeah. He's got a bunch of My Little Pony stuff on the wall. I'm out. I'm in and you show up at a guy's, you met on Tinder. Yeah. He's got a bunch of My Little Pony stuff on the wall. I'm out. I'm in and out like a fiddler's elbow. I'm leaving right away. I'm not staying there. I'm not hanging out.

Like a fiddler's elbow. I'm not staying. Hey, smell my hoof. I bet he wouldn't spit in my mouth, though. Hoof. It was hot. Hoof. Smell Smell like It's tough It's a tough word

It's a better joke on paper This next one comes from Bryant B In Houston, Texas This is during the Catastrophic flooding From Hurricane Harvey I was watching the news coverage,

and the anchor said to not approach alligators because they are very stressed and don't understand what is happening because there is no news channel for alligators. They said that? Yeah. There should be. Absolutely. Chomp, chomp. Chomp, chomp,omp chomp chomp chomp

Kabool I guess that goes for all animals Yeah all creatures are great and small But you I feel stressed But like why would different rules apply during a hurricane? Would you normally approach an alligator? Crocodiles?

No you don't They're always kind of stressed out They're always on the prowl Yeah Why would different rules apply during a hurricane? Would you normally approach an alligator? Crocodiles? Oh, yeah. They're always kind of stressed out. They're always on the prowl. Yeah. I always picture an alligator to be kind of a mellower creature because they're always just hanging out in the water just waiting. And then they just have that. Now they're getting whipped around and they don't know what's going on.

Yeah, they're used to doing the whipping. Yeah. So all of a sudden they're like, oh, I can, now I understand why I shouldn't do it. Yeesh, I'm stressed. I saw a pretty great photo the other day of like,

during a hurricane in Miami, one of the zoos had to herd all of the flamingos into a bathroom. Oh, I saw that. So they're just all

standing in a bathroom together. But they're all walking. It was really funny. Yeah, it was pretty cute. doing their makeup in walking. It was really funny. It was cute. Doing their makeup. Gossiping. Yeah, there's one that's like applying a lot of pink because it's naturally white. I got you.

This last one comes from Christina T. Don't know where from. Long time listener. First time caller. Today I was working a wedding and a toddler approached a photo of the couple that was just married, sighs deeply and whines. Ugh, she's marrying that guy. Yes. Sometimes kids' honesty is very funny.

Not when it's directed to you, but when it's at other people that's funny yeah but also like he's just realizing it yeah he's like oh that's gonna yeah like uh there's very little in in a wedding for a kid i mean sometimes there'll be like a salad bar oh yeah that's true yeah goddamn salad bar now now I'm thinking about a salad bar Or Or a potato fixin's bar Oh That'd be nice Yeah

Get like a baked potato Where do you think is the closest salad bar? To here? Yeah Probably out in the suburbs I would think What's that place On

Cambion 12th That's like In that little Mini mall Oh Yeah I guess that's kind of like that's basically a salad bar yeah i've never been in it i never looked in it it seems salad barry yeah but they also maybe have a baskin robbins inside it to balance things out have a salad and a sundae

oh gross in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, look, who in their right mind would stand in the way of something so

noble? So go ahead, my bronies and brainies. Those are smart people and bronies. And call us. The number is

1-844-779-7631. is 1-844-779-7631 or 1- ugh-spypod1 like these people have. Ding! Hi, Scott Podcast and yourself. This is Allie in Worcester, Massachusetts calling in an overheard. I live next door to a

construction site right now and today two of the men putting in the roof were discussing the constraints of legal weed in Massachusetts. I quickly turned to one of them, telling the other about the plant, and describing, like, the stickiest, the dankest. Dude, I'm not kidding you. My nugs look like tarantulas. Thanks, you. My nugs look like tarantulas. Thanks, guys. My nugs were like tarantulas. That's what I described down there.

No, no. Yeah. No. Very addled episode today. Yeah, that's true. But you know what? I blame me. No.

No. Being addled is great. Yeah. The, um, Where was this? Massachusetts. Oh, Massachusetts. It's not illegal down in LA, is it? Kind of.

I don't really understand it. Yeah. So you just stay away? Oh, I smell. You get the dankest nugs? I get those tarantula nugs. Do you have a particular, this is a question I've never asked somebody is, do you have a particular strain that you enjoy?

I do, yes. What it was? It's like a sativa. A sativa. It's an upper. Okay. Yeah. So this is, it makes you giggle?

No, it just makes me like, I don't get sleepy and I just get like riffy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just get more silly. Yeah, okay. Indica, whatever, indigo, whatever it's called, that gets you like more sleepy and I just get like riffy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just get more silly. That's all. Yeah, okay. Indica, whatever, Indigo, whatever it's called, that gets you like more sleepy and chill. And like if you have like panic attacks and stuff,

you just kind of mellow out. Do you have a favorite strain? I don't. I didn't. This is the first time that I've ever, you know, purple Urkel. Oh, sure. I've heard of. The dank kush.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's see Maui Waui Maui Waui Tiger Stripe They have so many names now It's insane Rocky Road

I smoked one called Louis IV the other day I'm not even kidding And what was Louis IV? That's an early Louis I went right to bed Oh that's just a real sleepy Louis is a sleepy boy

My favorite strain is the strain on my marriage caused by my drug addiction. Here is your next phone call. Hey guys, this is Big Mike in Calgary. I've got an overheard that's so good.

We were at the Beakerhead Festival, which is like this science and art combined festival that's sort of half awesome and half terrible. And we were at a booth festival that's sort of half awesome and half terrible. And we were at a booth that was particularly sort of loud and musical and flashing lights.

And I saw a mother walking away from the booth with her eight-year-old daughter. And she was doing that walk that parents do when they're mad, where she was holding the hand a little bit too tight and walking a little bit too fast for the legs to keep up. And she said through clenched teeth, you do not want to be a DJ. You got to nip it in the bud early. Eight's the year the DJs start, I think, too.

Eight's the year they're like, yeah, I'm getting into this. Yeah, that's when I first was exposed to EDM. All my friends brought it home, like showed up to school with all their equipment. Yeah. For show and tell. Do you know the wheels of steel? Did he call himself Big Mike?

Yeah. Big Mike in Calgary. Nice. I think there's a lot of big mics in calgary yeah sure it's a fun do you think that he's a big guy or a little guy and they call him big mike i don't know i don't think that's a common thing these days like i've never really met a bald guy named curly i've never met a big guy named tiny no yeah those are like movie things yeah and so now we're just very literal like it's just a big guy yeah all right well it's not as fun no it's definitely not it's not as fun a planet

but you know fine final over here we go hi dave and graham and guest this is kevin from tucson arizona and i was just in a target where there's like a corner of the Target that has this on repeat loop of Carly Rae Jepsen singing It Takes Two over and over again and I just heard a dad pushing his son in a cart and he just said It takes two to make a thing feel right It takes two to have a baby fight

and I thought True words and no words spoken. You could have more words are never spoken. Yeah. You could have more in a baby fight. Yeah, but it takes the minimum of two. Yeah. Oh, baby fight. Where would a baby fight?

Bounce a castle. Easy question to answer. Oh, sure. Oh, a playpen. Yeah, that's right. Bounce off the kind of. Oh, yeah. Off the ropes in a playpen.

Yeah. Fun. It's fun to see babies fight i don't think they're capable of it no they they slap light slaps not across the face i was just like hitty yeah but but mostly babies they're they're mellow man yeah they're like a they're trying to hold their heads up yeah they're in're in Indica. That's a fight. Yeah. The babies are in Indica. Well, that brings us to the end of this episode. I am surprised I haven't met, like, in my three years as a parent, another child named Indica.

It's not too late, you know? I think there's going to be, as the years go by, you're going to learn more and more things that you never thought could be baby. Um, Oh, is that hot? Someone's great.

It's 1240 guys. I'm a lunch at noon. My belly is going to who I old, um, Steph, thank you very much for being here. Thanks for having me. Love doing it. Yeah.

What do you have coming up? You're going to be? I'm going to be at Portland. Yeah. The All Jane No Dick Festival. When does that run? The 11th to 15th. Okay.

And then that. Are you on Sochmeads? Zipchan? On Sochmeads. Yeah. I'm going to start Zipchan real soon. Everything is just at Steph Tolev. That's it.

Easy peasy. Simple stuff. Yeah. And you guys out there, if you like the podcast, you should head over to MaximumFun.org. Check out the blog recap. Second to last. Thank you. Pictures and videos of the things we talked about on the show.

Things like, oh, the new kids on the block. Maybe that Christmas song. Yeah. Funky, funky Christmas. You know, maybe a picture of a brony. Sure, yeah. Yeah, it's full gear. Are there women bronies?

It's a man-only thing. I mean. I hope there's women, too. If it's just a man-only thing. I mean... I hope there's women, too. If it's just a man-only thing, that's... But the word bro... Yeah. I did watch one of the documentaries. Yeah.

It was all dudes? I think it was all dudes. Maybe a big mic in there. I'm going to have a weird dream tonight now with bronies and their eyes coming out. It's going to be a lot. And if you like the show, please do tell your friends to come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Hello. Hey.

How's it going? Hi. Good, how are you? Good. I'm just recording a podcast. You're recording a podcast? Yeah. Oh, me too.

Two people that you probably don't know. Two comics in Vancouver. No, I was calling because I had a fucked up dream about the dog that her eye was like hanging out and she was like hanging out, and she was like running in circles, and then dad couldn't get the eye back in, and then a neighbor popped it back in,

so I was calling. Oh my God, you and your eyeball thing. I know, I have a weird eye thing. I do, I don't, I don't know, I haven't seen Jasmine for a week, Jasmine at the cottage the whole time. Well, now I'm freaked out. I've got to call Dad. Yeah.

All right, well, that was it. Now I have to call Dad because I need to know the dog's eye is in its socket. Okay, well, I think he would call me if the eye was hanging. Maximumfun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.