Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 502 - Paul Bae

Episode Date: October 30, 2017

Paul Bae of the Black Tapes and the Big Loop returns to talk ghost kids, spooky stuff at Dairy Queen, and small town pizza delivery.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 502 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Mayhem Clark and with me as always is Dave the Graveshumka. Oh hi, that's me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's a spooky time. Feeling real spooked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's a spooky time. Feeling real spooked.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the spookiest time of year. The trees are all getting all craggly. And they're shedding their leaves. They're shedding their leaves and revealing their witch-fingered branches. Yeah, that's true. In the summer, you don't ever think about how witch-fingered trees are. And then, ooh. Yeah, and, you don't ever think about how witch-fingered trees are. And then, ooh.

Yep. And, you know, it's foggy. Yeah. Skeletons are playing on other skeletons. Rib cages like xylophones. Why? Is that skeleton on skeleton crime? Not crime.

Music. Oh, okay. And our guest knows all about that kind of stuff. He's an expert spookologist. He is one of the people behind the Black Tapes podcast. And he has a brand new podcast called the, sorry, the Big Loop. Yep. And he's a return guest here on the podcast.

Mr. Paul Bay is our guest. Hi, guys. Hello. Hi. Thanks for having me. At the last second, I was like, it's not in the loop. It's not the big loop. It's the bloop.

The big loop. Hello, Paul. Hello. Do we want to get to know us? Absolutely. Get to know us. How long has it been since you were last here? Do you recall?

No, it feels like earlier this year No No It wasn't? No Impossible Paul, no It wasn't this year?

Paul, boo I feel like we ran into each other on a Reddit thread About that episode And it was just this year Why did We ran into each other on a Reddit thread Stop talking like a jerk. That's where Dave hangs out.

He hangs out on Reddit threads. I run it. Oh, what are you doing here? You were on 99 weeks ago. Oh, man. Episode 403. Welcome back. 403?

That's like almost exactly 100 episodes. It's like 99. 99, yeah. That's really close. Jeez. 99. 99, yeah. That's really close. Jeez. 99. So tell us, tell us all about your brand new podcast. It's coming out.

It'll be coming out on October 31st. On Halloween day. The scariest day of the year. Yeah, yeah. So we're going to kick, it's a, it's an anthology series. So it's like, I guess if NPR had a, had a baby with the twilight zone. It should have used protection. So what type of topics are you covering?

Skeletons. Spooky things? Ghosts. We're going to kick it off with a spooky one, a traditional ghost story with a twist. And then after that, it's going to be, I think, dark comedy. And then after that, it's going to be, I think, dark comedy. Okay. And then after that, it's going to be sci-fi.

So every episode's different. So we're going to... How about a mafiosa story with a twist? That'd be excellent. A two Wong Fu Julie Newmar hit. Get your ass out of bed,

I said. Anyway, this is some Brand Van 3000 no one needs to know about. Paul. Dave. What is it about

spookiness that drives you? Yeah. Because the Black Tapes is super spooky. It's the type of podcast I can't listen to at night.

Do you scare easy? Dave! No, but I will purposely. Dave knows this Try to scare yourself? Yeah, at night, I'll watch something like a spooky YouTube video I like a good, like a night

spook. I was watching a video the other day, it was a high school security camera. I saw that one. Yeah, and I mean obviously it's a funny baloney, but when you're watching it at like one in the morning by yourself, you're like, maybe.

But those are the most useless ghosts. Like if we, any of us were ghosts, we'd be way more imaginative. Like that's, that ghost is like just a moron. That's like the dumbest teenager. I can open and close a locker. Right? Yeah, that's true. I guess.

Like light a test on fire, you know, like tomorrow's test or something. Yeah. Hang out in the locker rooms. I mean, that's true. I guess I like light a test on fire, you know, like tomorrow's test or something. Yeah. Hang out in the locker rooms. I mean, that's the dream of every, every high schoolers to hang out in the locker rooms as a ghost. Uh, but yeah, I don't know why the ghost was just like knocking over. There was so many things around that the ghost could knock over. Where would you haunt?

Where do you have unfinished business? Uh, you know, I think I go traditional and go to like you know an abandoned uh uh fairground okay how about you where would you hunt i feel like i would when i was thinking of unfinished business i was like i never did complete my membership to the columbia house record and tape club yeah like i got out of it i bought i got the seven tapes or seven cds for a penny what now would you haunt the catalog itself or would you haunt like people who uh receive things you would haunt individual albums and if so what album would you haunt i mean the okay what happened was you sign up for this thing you get seven cds for a penny and then they just start sending

you ones that you have to send back or else you or else you pay for them and uh the one i got where i was like oh i i i don't like what's happening here but the first was the first one they said it was uh the fate of nations by robert plant and you were like uh what i gotta get off of this train yeah and then uh i was like then i didn't pay them and they sent me a bill for the full amount that i owed them 140 or something and then my dad wrote them a letter and said uh you made a contract with a minor. That's illegal. He said he was legal at the time.

Paul, if you had to haunt somewhere, where would you haunt? I wouldn't haunt anywhere where I had unfinished business. I'd want to go back to the place where I'm done and they don't want me back and just annoy the fuck out of it. He's back again. Parties that maybe I overstayed my welcome. Certain bars. the fuck out of here. Like, he's back again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like parties that, you know,

maybe I overstayed my welcome. Right. Certain bars. I would go back to where the urban well was where we all used to perform. Right?

Yeah. And no matter what it is, just keep telling jokes that never worked like over the last, just whisper the jokes. It never worked. Right?

We were talking about it's a jazz place now. Yeah. That'd be perfect for like inappropriate jokes or really bad punchlines out of the speakers. And would you identify yourself? Because a lot of times people are like, we're not sure who this ghost is. We think it might be.

Nobody announces themselves. So would you say, hey, I'm Paul Bay. Or at the end of the joke, follow me on Twitter. I'd leave hints how many Asian comics were in Vancouver in 2001 no not Geoffrey Yu

fuck there's another guy the one other guy now there's too many of them am I right guys? what? ah classic Dave's got unfinished business i did not read the room

dave's coming back as a ghost of an asian comic how does that work coming back as someone else's ghost oh that would yeah that would be you could do that tell me more um so, uh, your first episode is going to be really spooky. Yeah. It's, um, uh, do you believe in ghosts? Are you somebody? No. Although we, we, we went, we supposedly stayed at a B and B with my whole family in Peachland

that, uh, coworkers at city TV where we used to work told me that is known as the haunted house. And there was, I didn't hear about that until afterwards, because a lot of spooky stuff did happen. Like what? Like we're at the middle of the night, like, um, my brother's knocking on my door, he goes, from the other room, he's like, you hear weird noises?

I'm like, no, no, no, just leave us alone. Anyways, I hear the dishwasher downstairs, and I'm like, oh, who started the dishwasher at midnight? And my girlfriend's like, I don't, we didn't, we cleaned the dishes by hand. So I go downstairs. There is no dishwasher downstairs. And it was on and there was no dishes. I'm like, well, that's weird. So I turned it off. Sure. And the next day I found out no one turned it on. It'd be ridiculous. Yeah. And so then an hour later I hear this click, click, click, click. And I'm like, what the fuck is that?

No. So I go to get up to check it out, open up the door into the massive hallway. And I find out the sounds coming from back inside the room I just left. So I turn around, I open up the walk-in closet and there's the stereo system for the houses in there. And there's a six CD carousel that just turned on and

was like, like stuck. And just making that clicking sound. So I turn it off. Anyways, over breakfast next day, I told my brother about it because I didn't sleep well. And he's like, like stuck. Yeah. And just making that clicking sound. So I turned it off. Anyways, over breakfast next day, I told my brother about it because I didn't sleep well. And he's like, dude. Yeah, you sure didn't.

We're up every hour. Turns out while I was doing that, my brother and his wife and their child were like investigating their closet because they heard knocking from the closet. Oh, their child? Yeah. The child's like, someone's in the closet.

They didn't let the child in first. Actually, they did. Because here's what happened. My child's like someone's in the closet in first actually they did because here's what happened my brother's like six foot three he's a big guy but he's like we should let Hiroto check out the closet because he wants to and so he because he doesn't believe in ghosts Hiroto opens it he goes there's someone in there so he walks into the and my brother follows into this long walk-in closet and there's a small door on the opposite end that only Hiroto can walk through. Don't walk through it, Hiroto. He opens it and he opened it

like my brother said, so nonchalantly, because he'd never seen a horror movie. He doesn't know things wait behind those doors. And my brother and his wife are just clutching each other and Hiroto opens like, oh look! And he walks through the door and my brother's like, no, no, no! And he looks and his brother gets down on his knees and he sees him out on this

Juliet balcony, this long balcony that overlooks the foyer that we hadn't noticed. And so he's like, but they did hear the knocking according to him. He goes, I don't know where the knocking came from. But his child's like, his boy's like, oh, well, he obviously left from here.

Like he knocked and then ran out of here. Like it was no big deal. Anyways, everybody back to bed here. Like it was no big deal. Yeah. Anyways, everybody back to bed. Yeah, it was weird. Wow. The case of the dishwasher at midnight. Yeah, kids are weird.

Like they haven't built up these fears yet. Like, and you know, you're in a new house for a night. Why wouldn't, you know, Paul's staying in the next room. Why wouldn't some other dude be sleeping in this closet behind the door? Yeah. And like when Margo gets up in the middle of the night, I always have to remind myself like, like, oh,

there's no monster under your bed. Like, don't say that. Yeah. You would never even fathom. Yeah. Like she goes, I heard something outside and I was like,

no one's going to come inside and hurt you. Well, do you get scared? Like when Graham, your dog, like barks or growls at strange court, does he do that? Does he bark at strange corners where there's nothing? No. Will your dogs do that? Yeah. The little one, the new one.

He'll just bark at what? Like a, like a wall or just. Yeah. Yeah. Just nothing. And she was barking last week at our front door and we live out in like a small community, right? 500 houses in the mountains.

And there's no streetlight. It's dark. So I opened up the door showing her, look, no, one's out there and she'll look. I'm like, see, I'll close it and turn around my back. And then she starts growling at it to get him like, Oh, don't do that. Yeah. Don't do that. You're freaking out daddy.

This is how you end up back at the shelter. Yeah. Cause, uh, even, uh, when Margo was a little, little baby,

she would be having these like laughing and gibberish conversations with, you know, something. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. And, uh,

you know, you're like, Oh, isn't that cute? But then you're like, are they saying something? Yeah And, uh, you know, you're like, oh, isn't that cute? But then you're like, are they saying something? Yeah. Is she, is she, what? Is she talking to herself or someone?

Yeah. Yeah. Who is she narrating this for? Yeah. Well, my niece at our old rental house, um, in North Vancouver had this, um, these, this very high ceiling. You can see, you can see the woodwork on underneath it. Right.

And so she's sitting there and she was maybe four at the time. And my brother's wife is Japanese. It had this very high ceiling You could see the woodwork underneath it, right? And so she's sitting there She was maybe four at the time And my brother's wife is Japanese So the kids speak Japanese And she's staring up at the corner As I'm sitting by the fireplace And she says something in Japanese Like pointing at the corner

The highest corner you can look at And she goes, da-da-da-da And her mother looks very concerned And she goes up to her She goes, what? And she says it again, da-da-da-da-da And pointing at the corner And my sister-in-law looks up and goes,

and she goes, and I'm like, hey, what's she saying? She goes, she's saying there's a little boy up there. And I'm like, this is where I write and I'm staring up and I'm looking very hard like maybe there's a bird or something or my brother did a prank and put a picture up there because he does that kind of stuff.

He's very tall. He's very tall and shadowy. And so I'm looking up there because he does that kind of stuff. He's very tall. Yeah, he's very tall and shadowy. And so I'm looking up there and I see nothing and Miami goes back to her table but the girl's looking up there and talking to it.

I'm like, what's she doing now? Yeah, yeah. Oh, she's talking to, she's not scared of ghosts. It's like, they're very friendly to her.

And I'm like, can she take the ghost with her? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want this around. This ghost is my problem still? Yeah, yeah. Oh, man. to her. I'm like, can she take the ghost with her? This is, this ghost is my problem still? Yeah. Oh man.

So I don't believe in ghosts, but my girlfriend wanted to move like right away. Like it's. Yeah. I've never had an account. I know people that have like told me stories like this. I've never had, because I've always just explained,

if I have, I've explained it. I'm like, ah, it's some sort of electricity. That's all it is? And, you know, just ropes and pulleys. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's all behind the... It's graphic. It's physics. Just you don't get it. When you were a kid, what was the scariest thing that was going on? What was the scary movie, the scariest thing that was going on? What was the, the, the scary movie or the scary book or. I think the exorcist was the big thing when I was a kid. Um, but the scariest thing in our neighborhood when I was like in grade two was my house. Cause I would put on these

haunted house. Uh, I was a young entrepreneur and I'd make this, we had this long crawl space that kids my age could actually walk through without ducking. Wow. And my brother was very, he was grade one and he was pretty good with his hands. So he'd like construct all this stuff. Oh, cool. So I'd charge him a nickel each to walk through it. All the kids in my neighborhood.

Wait a minute. What year was this? Yeah. This was 1975. It was alfalfa was there. Yeah. I'd either give them advice or they could walk through. You want to kick a football?

Yeah. So a nickel and like things would jump out at them? Yeah. And there's my brother doing all the grunt labor. Like he had one of those mechanical hands that if you pull the trigger, the hand. Yeah. Those are still cool. Yeah.

And that was, it just came out in 75 or something whenever we did it. And so he'd hide behind the hand. Those are still cool. Yeah. And that was, it just came out in 75 or something whenever we did it. And so he'd hide behind the furnace. People walked by in the dark and he grabbed them. Although, although if you think about it, it was so dark,

he could have just done it with his hand. I got the thing though. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah, exactly. I want to put this to good use.

So my brother would be all sweaty coming out and I'd give him a penny from every nickel. Yeah. You were a nickel yeah you were a little capitalist i was one of those guys yeah wow um uh what was scary when you were a kid there was uh it it was the big scary you know that had was on tv and uh and then at the end of my street there was i don't know why i'm still to this day i'm not sure why this one house that we were all convinced a witch lived in every night there was one room that was lit by like a super red light and so like if you saw if you stood at one end of the street and kind of looked down it

was just this very ominous red light like why would you have it like was she developing film front room of her house it was weird yeah she had this one red have a, like, was she developing film in the front room of her house? It was weird. Yeah, she had this one red light that would go on. Was she a Dutch prostitute? Oh, that explains it. That's why. Oh, my friends were super interested in it, but I was like, no, it's a witch.

And they were like, stupid, Graham. Roxanne. Was there a scary, was there a haunted house in your, or a real life thing that was scary? I don't know.

I don't, I, I was afraid of dogs. Oh yeah. Yeah. It didn't take much to scare me. Like the cultural thing

that was scary for me was Thriller. Oh, Thriller. Yeah. Years and years. Wait, are you talking about the Michael Jackson video? Yeah. Okay, hold on a second. Oh, Thriller. Yeah. Years and years. Wait, are you talking about the Michael Jackson video? Yeah.

Okay, hold on a second. Oh, I guess it's because I was in senior high or junior high when it came out. What was it? 82? 85, I want to say. 85 or 86. Yeah, I mean, but they would play it every year.

Yeah, I don't remember. Yeah. I mean, I could see that. It was like, and it it scared me the ending always was i found it very unsettled yeah his eyes changed yeah i also didn't like the vincent price rap i didn't like that little part of the beginning where there's that message from michael jackson saying i don't believe in ghosts i'm i'm a jehovah's witness we don't believe in this stuff it's all for fun.

That's funny because you're talking about your reaction to whenever I heard that part of the music video. I'd start stretching so I could dance along. Could you do the Thriller dance? Get up! Can you all hear my feet? Right now? I'm doing it. When ghouls live on

the Thriller night a funk of 40,000 frights. And here we go to the ghoulish place and look at Vincent Price's face. Pretty good. To the beat.

Because you... You's a good freestyle rapper. Eminem. Yeah. Oh yeah. Boy, I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of one of those freestyle raps. I feel like everyone was a little too supportive of like, hey, great job on that rap, Eminem. I think he's one of those guys where people are like, it's just nice to have him back. Yeah. Because he, I don't know.

Where has Eminem been? I don't know where, where, where has Eminem been? I don't know. He looks good. He's mad. Uh, but you used to, you used to be like,

uh, you could break dance. Yeah. You could do the moonwalk. Yeah. But we're talking like I was in a break dance crew, but it's, but like Burnaby mid 80s standards, which is like not even close.

The highest, the highest mark. That's what I meant to say. But I'd walk around with these, uh, uh, a polyester, uh, parachute pants that like when I'm not dancing, they zipped up at the side. So they look like normal, uh, polyester pants on the side to blend in. Right. But when it's time to throw down, I could unzip from the top and the bottom.

So it meets at my knees and they would, a different color polyester underneath would parachute out. Like a lighter blue. So if I do a, not a flare, but that didn't exist at the time, but a windmill, it would look cool if I did it fast enough. That was in my head. At least that's what I thought would look cool. You don't have any video of this. No, no. Someone might.

Wow. And like where, was there like a place? Yeah. Robson Square where people do the square dancing and the ice skating like downstairs. No, no. Someone might. Wow. And like where, was there like a place? Yeah, Robson Square where people do the square dancing and the ice skating like downstairs. Oh, okay. Underneath Robson

that people used to have cardboard there that they, you know, the big refrigerator boxes, right? And then they'd put it out there for us

and then all the kids could break dance and meet and pretend we're like in a gang, but we're not because there's adults watching and supervising. Yeah. I guess a gang isn't a bad thing as long as everybody's having a good time.

Yeah, sure. I mean, that's what the juggalos are, and they're calling them a gang. But everyone's having a good time. No one's being unsafe. Yeah, no one's having bottles thrown at them. Poor Tila Tequila. But yeah, where did you get, like, could you buy parachute pants in a store? Yeah.

Yeah. I think I got mine at Sears. Wow. You just go to the athletic department and everyone to pick up the whatever hoodies and shiny, the shinier, the better at in 1985. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like now's a pretty shiny time. Yeah.

Yeah. I see a lot of kids wearing like a shiny material. And I oil up my skin. Yeah. What kind of oil do you use? Oh, coconut. Oh, yeah. You can use that for everything.

I use coconut, canola, and a little bit of shea butter. Is this a proprietary blend of oils? It's sort of. I got it from Colonel Sanders. 11 herb spices and oils. And this is not, this is not for just to keep your skin healthy. This is to keep you slippery. This is to keep me shiny.

Yeah. Yeah. It's working. Yeah. There's a bit of castor oil, some saddle soap. Hey, I noticed walking up to your house here, Dave, do you decorate for Halloween? Like, are you one of those guys? No.

Does the street do that? Oh, the street will. Oh, so you're the odd man out? No, I mean, some people will. I'll put out a pumpkin to let them know we're serving candy. Yeah. But I've never been like putting dead bodies in the ground. Is that what people do?

We're putting up tombstones and like the cobwebs and stuff. Yeah. Why? Do you? Do you think I should? No, I'm just, cause I'm one of those guys that likes to decorate a house and we finally got a house. And so we, two years ago and I decorated the first year and I didn't know the kids in our

street don't trick or treat. Like they all go down to the beach and the community does something for them. Yeah. So I decorated and I had all the candy and no one came. Like nobody? Nobody came. And then I guess later on that night, there was a bunch of kids with their parents walking by to go to the beach for the beach party for the kids. And I just started yelling at them, come over, get my candy.

And they were like thinking about it. Then I cracked open a beer for the dad. I'm like, you want a beer? He goes, okay, kids, let's go. This guy really knows how to lure people. I lure middle-aged men to my house. You want to have some beer? Yeah, sure.

When I was a kid and I trick-or-treated, my dad would always come with us, and there was a lady in our neighborhood who always gave him a beer every year. And I don't, like, as an adult now, I don't think he knew that lady. I think she was just a lady, like a crazy lady in the neighborhood who kept a bunch of beer around. Yeah, and she was like, that's more where that came from.

Like, I think this will be my, I think I'm going to go trick-or-treating. One of us is going to go trick-or-treating one of us is gonna go trick-or-treating with margo this year fun probably go to four or five houses max and uh uh yeah like the idea of just like like having we don't have that relationship with our neighbors that i feel like our parents generation did i feel like that too like i don't have that relationship with our neighbors that I feel like our parents' generation did. I feel like that, too. Like, I don't, I feel like I don't know anybody. I mean, I move every couple of years. So, I mean, why put down stakes? I'm only going to break hearts in the neighborhood when I eventually move.

But, yeah, I don't know my neighbors. I don't know anybody on my street. Like, I wouldn't, if there was, like, some sort of emergency, I'd be like, I guess every man for themselves. Yeah. Did you see anyone suspicious? Yeah. I suspect everyone. I'm just thinking like, I must be annoying as hell

because I know all my neighbors. Wherever I live, I get, I make it a point to get to know them. Cause I always think it's weird. How do you do it? When I see them, hey, how's it going? I just make up small talk. Okay.

Like my girlfriend lived in her condo for three years, didn't know her neighbors. I moved in with her and in the first week, I knew everybody on our floor. And she's like, I hate that you do that because now everyone's in our business because they'll always ask certain things. Right. Or they came out to shows, some of them. Some of them still keep in contact

with me. Wow. Right? They're like, hey, you're not doing shows anymore. I'm like, oh, I'm doing a podcast. Right. That's one extra soul. See? Paid off. I'm like, oh, I'm doing a podcast. Right. That's one extra soul. See, it paid off. I'm the opposite. I'm like, don't want to make eye contact with any of my neighbors.

So I have to talk to them. And then if anyone asks, did I hear you're a podcast or something? No, that's not me. Yeah, yeah,

yeah. I don't want to have to talk to you about it later. My neighbors listen to my podcast. So sometimes when I walk in the dogs and I see them and they've got their dogs, they're like, hey, so Alex and Strand this week. Like the two main characters.

They'll ask for what happened in the drama. And that's the only time where I wish I didn't know them so well. Because then you're like, oh. Then you have to talk about that. You know, I don't want to talk about work. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't know. I just, because I grew up in calgary and

calgary's like a real small talk kind of town like everywhere you go people are like more than willing to just stand there and chat about whatever your dog the weather how how much candy costs now whatever you know whatever happens to just be in front of you but then moving out to vancouver it was very like not yeah like people just very stick to themselves and uh yeah i maybe i should try i think it's like a new family that moved in next door and like the first day i was like gonna be i was trying to like work up the courage to be like hey neighbor i'm your neighbor. But I didn't, I totally bailed.

I was too shy. There's so many of them and just one of me. And, uh, yeah, like, I don't know, going over to borrow a thing of sugar or salt or whatever. That seems like a thing. My, my mom did. Yeah. Like, Oh, I don't have to go to the store. I'll just go next door and get baking soda.

I also feel like when I was younger, uh, when I was a kid, everyone's, you know, had a, like, everyone on my street, their mom was at home all day. So, like, the moms could know each other in the daytime. But now, I don't know, like, it's just, you know, half the places are rented out by young people. Half the, everyone works. Yeah. All the time. Yeah. But the dog park, when you, do you have, like the places are rented out by young people. Half the, everyone works. Yeah. All the time. Yeah. But the dog park, when you, do you have like regulars at your dog park?

I know, I know the dogs. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if there was an emergency, you could contact the dogs. Yeah, exactly. Can I borrow your power saw, Jimmy? Yeah. Can I, yeah, it's mostly like, do you have an extra bag?

Yeah. saw jimmy yeah can i uh it's mostly like do you have an extra bag okay but like i remember there was a thing when i was a kid and probably same thing when you were a kid that if if something happened there was a thing called like a phone phone tree phone tree yeah yeah yeah and it was like you had you if you got a call from somebody you were responsible for calling these three people or something and like everybody knew their place on the phone tree oh that's crazy i have no idea what that is like if if something happened like at a school or if there was the you know some kind of emergency and they needed to spread the word really quickly everybody knew who the three people or whatever that they would they would be in charge of calling yeah yeah yeah and then those three people all knew who they were and i was like how did that

who started the phone tree yeah like it just seemed to be around hey there's been a shooting in the school can't talk now gotta call two other people bye oh haven't you noticed how much candy costs now compared to when we were kids yeah it's expensive now because well everything's more expensive now but also you probably shouldn't eat so much candy okay i compared to when we were kids? Yeah, it's expensive now because everything's more expensive now but also you probably shouldn't eat so much candy. Okay, I gotta go, I gotta go, I gotta go! We had my parents, we had like that block watch thing.

Like if you're a kid and you're lost, you can come here. No one ever did. Oh yeah! And then there's also the one that was like it was a decal you put's also the one that was like, where a neighbor, like the, the, it was a decal you put on your window and it was like a guy,

like a guy in a trench coat with a hat. Yes. A shadowy figure. Yeah. I don't know what that was. I haven't seen this at all. What is this? Is that,

is that block watch? That was block watch. And the one that you were talking about was block parent. Block parent. And block parent was like like if you were lost. Because I remember I got lost and went to a BlockParent, and they were like, what's your address? I was like, I don't know.

I'm lost. I don't know. That's why I'm lost. Like you're going to have to do this whole investigation yourself. How old were you? 14. 14. But yeah, it was like...

I don't know, but it's that house. Across the street? Yeah. I'm just over here because my parents are mad at me. And you guys seem to be open to being parents. I'm just picturing 14-year-old Graham on the stranger's couch, cracking open a beer, let me know when you Contact my mom

Yeah it was I think I think the entirety Of the investigation Was her opening up The phone book And looking for my last name And was like

Uh oh Is it Yeah It's a very busy A lot of A lot of Clarks A lot of Clarks And yeah

What's your dad's first name I don't know Dad Dad Clark Or It goes by Papa of Clark's a lot of Clark's and uh yeah what's your dad's first name I don't know dad dad Clark or he goes by papa papa or daddy do you remember the day that you do that you learned your dad's first name no yeah well I know how I I'm pretty sure I know how I learned it. Cause he had, he had a poster made up. So we moved houses and he had a poster that was supposed to go to his office. And it was a poster of a chimpanzee in an office.

And there was like a plaque on it that said Johnny Clark on it. Well, this will go to my office what did he do? he was a geologist and then it got sent to our house instead and I fell in love with the poster and my parents were like I guess you can hang it in your room but now I need something zany for my rock office.

Yeah. You're going to have to trade me your hang in there, baby poster. Your elf or president poster. How did you, you learned your? Yeah, because I just, you know, my parents, I didn't understand Korean growing up. So they would, they never called each other by each other's names. I don't think they've ever called each other by the names. It's just,

like honey or deer. Oh, okay. That's a term of endearment that they use for each other. So I never heard my dad's name until like, I think I was four and his friend came over. Oh, right.

I heard, and my, and his, and his kid explained to me, your dad's name is Juan. I'm like, what's my dad's name? He goes,

Juan. So that's what, but it's W O N in English. And I didn't know there was a Spanish Juan. Like that's more prevalent. It's weird to call an Asian guy Juan. So I remember going back to school telling everybody, my dad's name is Juan, Juan Bay.

And my teacher looking at me like, you're full of shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That can't be right. Aren't there, in Korea has a very limited number of names. Yeah, yeah. Surnames, yeah. There's Bay, Park, Lee, and Kim. Is that it? Pretty much. Bay's very rare too. Yeah. Yeah. Surnames. Yeah. There's Bae, Park, Lee, and Kim. Is that it?

Pretty much. Bae's very rare too. Right. Right. Like, you know, there's only so many Baes you can have in your life. Tell me about it. I just have one. So if you were a Korean block parent, I was like,

what's your parent's last name? Kim. And first name? Won. Won. your parents last name? Kim. And first name? Juan. Yeah, that's why. Is there a particular reason for that? Why there's only so many last names or is that just,

that's just the way it is? I always chalk it up to just a lack of imagination on my people's part. Just because of the names, I don't know. I have no clue. Yeah, there's just like one guy who's like Schneider.

Yeah. Siddorkowitz. Um, a, uh, uh, Oh yeah. What's happening?

I just, uh, like I, I don't remember it being a big deal to know my parents' names. Like I saw it on their mail. But I remember whenever you found out your teacher's first name. Oh, yeah. That was a big deal.

I still don't know that I know any of the, now I'm trying to think if I knew a first name of any of the teachers when I was growing up. Grade seven, Mr. Lapthorne and Maywood Elementary in Burnaby. His first name was Glenn. And when we learned that, it had two N's, I think, at the end of his name. So we'd always be like, hey, Glenn. That was our joke. And we thought it was hilarious in grade seven, but I'm sure he didn't. No, but, you know, I think he probably appreciated that he was in your thoughts.

Yeah, yeah. He gave me detention for calling him it one too many times. I bet. He gave me detention for calling him it one too many times. I bet. I, um, when I was in elementary school, our principal was this tough bruiser looking guy named Mr. Talmanis. But whenever he sent a, uh, sent like a form home to the parents that it was always signed Andy Talmanis. And I was like, this is such a wimpy name.

And then one time he came into the classroom and I yelled, hey Andy! And he spoke to me in the hallway. Yeah, it's because you were a teacher for many years. You got used to the sound of hearing Mr. Bay. Yeah.

It will eternally sound weird to me when anybody says Mr. Clark. It really does sound like somebody is addressing either somebody that's standing behind me or like it does. I've never gotten used to Mr. It makes you feel old the first time you hear it because I was 27 when I started teaching. Yeah. And when I first heard Mr. Bay, I'm like, oh, don't call me. I just kept thinking, don't call me that again. But then you get used to it really quick.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But it's, it's, it's a really odd thing. Like, have you been called Mr. Shumka by anybody? Um, geez, I don't think so. Cause it's coming like.

Oh yeah, I know. But like even, uh, Margaret goes to preschool and the teachers wouldn't call me Mr. Shumka. I don't think. No,umka. I don't think. No, but like, I don't know.

Like, I feel like I've gone to the doctor and they've been like, Mr. Clark, can you fill out this form or Mr. Clark, stop touching that. Or like your prescription prescription ready for Mr.

Shumka. Yeah. Yeah. But it's just, yeah, it always has struck me as odd. Do you miss it when you stop teaching? No,

no, no, no. You were just, you're happy to go back to just being. No. You were just, you were happy to go back to just being Paul. Yeah, because near the end, it was like, you know, some of the, they like to

joke around with you, the kids, and so they're like, Mr., and my name became a thing. Like, before, like the last two years of my teaching career, bae became a thing. We talked about this a lot. Yeah, that's right. It didn't mean anything before that, and all of a a sudden I had kids at my door saying,

like I could hear every day after school like people giggling and I know they're giggling at my name tag so I'd come out and name against them like,

yes, I'm Bae. How you doing? And the kids would run away like, yeah, yeah. So I hated it.

I just hated Mr. Bae. Oh yeah, kids are the best. Dave, what's going on with you, man? Well, last night was a very spooky night for me Yeah, the spookiest of the year It was the spookiest night of the year We're pre-taping this Because I'm going to be traveling

A teeny bit But I So this was Last night was the Hero Show 10th anniversary. Happy anniversary. That you were on. Yep.

Uh, I was on it with Alicia Tobin, Kevin Lee, uh, Cam McLeod, of course, a bunch of people. And, uh, so I drove Alicia there and then we left together and we went to, um, the bank across the street. I had to get some money out and I was just at the ATM for two minutes. I didn't notice any funny stuff happening behind me, but the moment I walked out of the bank, there was a big pile of barf outside. I didn't hear any commotion. Someone must've just walked by stealthily. Yeah. Or it could have been a ghost that puked.

That's true. Yeah. And then on the way home, we stopped at Dairy Queen. And as I'm pulling into Dairy Queen, Alicia says, hey, is that a ghost over there? And it was a woman sitting on a bench at 930 at night in the dark, wearing a nightgown, like frilly not like a sexy but like a granny nightgown wow that's spooky it was spooky just like under a light sitting by herself on a bench and it was like there's kind of like a some sort of a rehab place there so i guess okay i'm assuming it was someone who was just like ready for bed and went out to smoke. But still.

This is so spooky. And then I think an even spookier thing happened inside the Dairy Queen. We were the only people there. And then this middle-aged guy comes in and he says, are the hot dogs any good? dogs any good and at 9 30 at night and you're just craving a hot dog yeah you don't have anything at home how are they have they been sitting out a long time yes yes since we opened at 11 in the morning they were breakfast dogs um and then then I went home and Took the dog out And as I was walking

I looked and there was a woman walking towards me That had It was kind of doing this weird Zombie shuffle and her arms It looked like she didn't have Any arm from her elbow To her shoulder So it was just like sticking out sideways,

kind of wobbly and doing this weird zombie walk. And then I realized she was just trying to get her arms through the straps of her backpack. It was, you know what? It was spooky. I like a little spook here and there. Yeah.

If you, if you're keyed up for spookiness, it's like really anything will get the job done. She's telling the story of walking last night and seeing this stranger's face staring at her like, until I got my hand through the sweater. And he's like, oh, you seem so relieved. Put his shotgun down. Yeah, there's always.

Like I live not far from a giant graveyard, and I feel like there's always teens trying to scare each other in the graveyard. But I get the auxiliary scare of them trying to scare their friends. Like, what is going on over there? Somebody's hiding behind something. It's weird because a graveyard is like a sad place during the daytime. During summertime

nights. Yeah. No, it's this time of year. I always tried to make this joke work on stage. I never did. That leading up to November, graveyard's very spooky, scary, monster mashy kind of places. Then as soon as November 1st hits in Canada, it's the run up to Remembrance Day. So all of a sudden graveyard's very spooky, scary, monster mashy kind of places. Then as soon as November 1st hits in Canada, it's the run up to Remembrance Day.

So all of a sudden graveyard is very solemn. It was very confusing for a kid to make that gear change. And then November 12th, it's so festive and Christmasy. You're mourning Santa's death. Yeah. Did you hear there was a... Santa Claus died? They found in Turkey a grave that they believe is the...

Claus? Yeah. The guy who originated the kind of... Oh, that's fantastic. Yeah. Not St. Nicholas? Yeah, I don't know. Where did we get Kris Kringle from?

Was it Kris Kringle? Yeah. He was buried underneath a Coca-Cola plant. I think it was part of a rap group where they wore their pants backwards. Uh, yeah, I don't know. Where do we get Chris Kringle from? Was it Chris Kringle? Yeah. They were, he was buried underneath a Coca-Cola plant. I think it was part of a rap group where they wore their pants backwards. Oh, yes. Chris Kringle.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Uh, yeah, it was, uh, anyways. Oh,

I can't do it. I gotta jump, jump. The festive season makes you. Jump. Oh, oh. You thought you couldn't do it.

The spirit of giving makes you. The other thing that's been going on is a couple of weeks ago, Abby really wanted to go. I mean, she suggested it and I thought it was a good idea. I wasn't dragged along. To the interior design show at the, what's it called? Downtown, the big it called? Downtown. The big. The convention center? Convention center.

Yeah. And so we decided to go one day with the kids, a three-year-old and a nine-month-old. What's Margo's interior design taste? The thing is, we went to this thing like five years ago when we moved in here and it was good. Yeah. thing like five years ago when we moved in here and it was good yeah but like there's really nothing there's like you know five stalls in this giant airplane hangar size thing right there's a million stalls but there's five that are things that you might be interested in right like things that are a things you can afford afford and stuff for like a small place.

Everything else is like, here's how you would decorate your cedar mansion with like fiber optic lights. But we had told Margo that we're going to this interior design show, and she's been to one show in her life, and it was Peppa Pig Live. And we were like, is there going to be anything for her to do there? Probably not. But, well, she'll like going on the Sky Train. That'll be fun. Yeah.

And so we go there, and she's confused about what this thing is, but she's very patient. And, uh, I have Poppy, I'm wearing Poppy on the baby Bjorn thing and I, uh, she falls asleep. And so I just, I'm just wandering off. And then a show is about to start. Like someone is about to go on to a little stage and explain their design process. And Margo's like, let's watch this. Oh, it would be so good if it was Peppa Pig came out and was like, here's new things in curtains. So, like, first of all, they made an announcement.

We're going to be doing this person's, you know, PowerPoint presentation in 10 minutes. And Margo's like, already ready. Like, let's get there. I want to be there when it starts. So let's sit there. So Abby sat with her for 10 minutes before this talk started. And 30 minutes, Margo just sat watching this woman talking about, like, and then it was, you know, we went through a very sort of mid-century

modern and that was the day that she decided to be an interior decorator so wow i yeah i mean but then when i think about when i was a kid like anything that was television didn't matter what it was i would just sit there hours hours just. Hours. Just quiet as a mouse. Just like enraptured by, you know, some sort of like Czechoslovakian soccer game. I remember as a kid, anytime I saw an adult on any kind of stage, even a small little community center stage, I thought this is an important person. Yeah. This is a star, obviously, because everyone's paying attention. Yeah, well, I guess that

it does carry some gravitas. Did you see anything at the thing that you were like, oh, this is a new... I saw a good lamp. I don't know, I got a card from the company, so I can look up whether it's a $200 lamp or

a $2,000 lamp. Yeah. $2,000? I haven't looked yet. the company so i can look up whether it's a two hundred dollar lamp or a two thousand dollars yeah two thousand dollars i haven't looked yet oh yeah we we uh and like i went to every booth to see what was free like a lot of those like tote bags and sure one company has just like pencil crayons yeah for no reason uh, I wouldn't know anything. Like, I wouldn't know what would be in any of those booths. Like, lamps is something I thought. Maybe curtains. Yeah.

And they had, like, some place was like, we have a modular wall thing where you can, you know, put a desk here and then slide it over. And it's. Oh, that kind of stuff. And then also just like... Part of us... In my head, I was like, oh, there'll be beds for Margo to jump on.

And then I go there and I'm like, you can't jump on any of this. Someone's job is to make sure nobody jumps on these beds. There's too many monkeys. For some reason,

there was a Volvo there. Like, come look inside this Volvo. We've designed the interior of this. Yeah, I guess. Sport utility vehicle. There always seems, the only, I've only been to like two things there.

I went to like a sci-fi comic-y thing there a couple of years ago. That could be fun. It was, it was fun, but it was like, most of it was like over my head. Like a lot of it was anime stuff and stuff. I was just like, ah, it's very colorful. Yeah. You're just a whovian.

Yeah. Yeah. I, I like, uh, I like to go in and, uh, check out what,

what do you got? Spider-Man. Okay. Spider-Man you got. And then one time, uh, back when we were on the city news list thing, we went to like a sex fair. That's right.

Yeah. And that, I remember there being some booths in that were like, I'm like, no, this is a stretch that you're here. Like, you know, like a hammock company. Oh, yeah. Like, well, I guess. But, you know, it's like, how many things can a hammock company go to? Lots of things for kids to play with there Oh yeah

Yeah Lots of squishy Jelly things You know Why is that man Want to go watch That man Attached to a pole

Get flogged We're giving a Those ladies Giving a speech On dominatrixing Yeah exactly Why are they Hurting Peppa Pig

Yeah Um Yeah a speech on dominatrix thing yeah exactly why are they hurting peppa pig yeah um yeah i i don't know i like enjoy those things but i never think when i see an ad for this fair is coming i never i never ever go i don't get like it seems like the kind of thing everyone pays for because these people have paid to put up booths yeah so maybe it should be free for people to walk in but you also have to pay to to be advertised wait a minute well that's how you get all that free sweat that's what i um and catalogs and catalogs um but yeah i'm impressed with, I'm impressed with Margot's attention span. Me too.

I don't think she caught a word of it, but you'd be surprised. Take a look in her room next time. See if she hasn't made little adjustments. She fanged that shway. Everybody fang shway tonight. That works. Yeah. Dave, king of song fanatics A spoof a minute, this guy

What's up with you? I, last weekend I went up to Prince George For, there's a new comedy club up there Now this is a new city named after the royal heir Yeah, the baby was born And Canada's tribute to the royal family was to name our finest city after this boy. The boy has not come yet to bless the city. They're hoping any day now. And Prince George is kind of like the, I would say like the northernmost hub city.

It's the capital of the north of BC. Yeah. And it's really like, it's one of these airports, like you land and it's just like a strip of concrete under the forest. Like, it's a tiny little airport. There's no tube that connects the plane to the airport. You have to walk outside on the concrete. next the plane to the airport, you have to walk outside on the concrete.

And I was playing this new comedy club there and they put us in a hotel that wasn't close to the club. It was like a 40 minute walk to the club. So, and like, so I wrote to the guy, I was like, are you going to ride or something? And he's like, I don't know, people just, the comics have just shown up. So I was like, all right, I guess I'm walking.

So I walked, uh, both nights down to the club. Oh man. Was it cold? Nope. Okay. No, I mean,

I had like a coat and it was fine. But, uh, the first night that I walked down, the other comic was like, you walked through, I guess I walked through the bad part of town, which would be two blocks.

Yeah, exactly. And I was like, uh, your bad part of town is like, uh, where I live in Vancouver. Uh,

but then they were like, but we're like the murder capital of Canada or something. I'm like, yeah, but it's, it's all this per capita shenanigans. Like if I started my own town and one guy lived there and i murdered him i would be the murder capital um and so on the second night like there was a stretch where

i had to like walk along a bit of a bit of highway there was like no sidewalk or whatever okay and uh and i was walking and it was like five o'clock in the afternoon, five or six o'clock. And I was propositioned by a prostitute. Was she on the highway? Yeah. And I was like, what was your plan if I had said, yeah, yeah, okay. Like when he's going to walk into the woods together. It was very weird. It was because I guess she was waiting for a car, but she thought, hey, stranger.

Yeah. Hey, yeah. Or you say, yeah, and then all these cops jump out of the bushes. Oh, yeah. I didn't even think about it. We got him. Three days of waiting. We got the one out of town pervert.

Was she like, you're not a cop, are you? No, I'm a guy walking on the highway. Yeah, I mean. Yeah, so it was weird. But she was like. Did you wonder if she was a block parent? I'm lost. Yeah.

Clark, it's Clark. But yeah, it was a club. Like it was a comedy club. And then right as soon as the show was done, it turned into the nightclub in town. Yeah. And lineups out the door and stuff for this nightclub. But. What time was the comedy show? There were two.

One was at seven and then the other one was at 930 or something. And then a dance club? And then a dance club. Wow. Yeah. People stay up late dance club. Wow. Yeah. People stay up late there. Oh, boy. Yeah.

Prince George likes to party is what I found out. Did you stick around for the party? I did not. You had a 40-minute walk ahead of you. Yeah. Everybody was so worried. And then, like, there was one woman that was there with one of the comics that was doing a guest spot. And she was like, oh, we'll give you a ride back to the hotel.

I was like, oh, is this because of your bad part of town? She's like, oh, no, there's bears here. And I was like, oh, yeah, right. Oh, yeah, we're out in the woods. I forgot. She's like, there's bears just walk around town. And I was like, oh, yeah, I'll take that ride. I get propositioned by a bear.

Like, oh yeah, I'll take that ride. I get propositioned by a bear. Yeah, so it was a real rowdy crowds, rowdy crowds. I remember I did a show at Prince George like a long time ago, maybe 12 years ago. And I was up on stage and you're making small talk. And I forget what exactly happened, but the guy, it came to a point where the guy's like, so you like weed?

And I'm like, yes, I like weed. And then that was it. I finished the show. I have some drinks with some people and I'm about to leave and the manager goes, oh, Tim's coming back. I'm like, who?

The guy you told you like weed. He went to get weed. I'm like, what? I go, are you serious? I didn't say I was going to wait. He goes, yeah, you did. From the stage, you said you'd wait for him. I'm like, I don't remember this at all.

And I had it played differently so I had to wait like 45 minutes for this guy while he was walking he got attacked by a bear yeah

there was there was one guy who came in part way through one of the shows and like instantly started

heckling not but he was asking me questions he was trying to bring himself up to speed on the shows and like instantly started heckling not but he was asking me questions he was trying to bring himself up to speed on the joke and i was like look it's not my fault you came in halfway through the show it's not like a movie where you're like is that the same guy from the beginning but i was like halfway through a bit and then he was he was like he yelled out something like what year were you born and i was like oh god why do you want to know that and he's like because i don't recall this and i think we're the same age and i

was like what year was he born was he right yeah well he said he was born in the 80s and i was like yeah but i was like do you didn't hear the first part of the you just walked in and they're like well i don't recognize this reference uh no I am too young to remember the Challenger disaster. I'm going back to the highway. I didn't find Thriller that scary, actually. But yeah, it was

mostly it was that walk between the hotel and the club. That was the significant. Although I also ordered a pizza to the hotel and the club was uh that was the significant although i also uh i ordered a pizza to the hotel and i thought how much would you think delivery pizza well what's the price range that you think one pizza one pizza medium i think it was a large you know what you got it sometimes you gotta go large just to make it worth their while yeah Yeah, exactly. And something to chomp on on the plane.

I would say you're in the low 20s. Yes, low 20s. When the delivery guy came to the thing he gave me, I was like, oh, pay with a card. And he gave me the machine. $45. $45. That's crazy.

And you must have looked up the prices online after after he left Like to see what they regularly charge Yeah I think there was a lot of delivery fee And I think they were like Well we're delivering to a hotel So this guy doesn't know nothing about nothing And yeah But like small towns It's hard to find anything on Yelp

Oh yeah Like Yelp Oh this one place has a five star average but there's only one rating yeah i think i looked on tripadvisor and like the only review was the lasagna was good and i was like no that's not what i want but yeah 45 bucks so so they fleeced the out-of-towners. Is this Bigfoot country? Probably. I mean.

Where's Bigfoot? Where's Bigfoot from, Paul? I think it's more coastal, not interior. I'm thinking like near the Haida. Oh, yeah. More Haida area. I have a friend, John Zada, who's got a book coming out on Sasquatch hunting in British Columbia. Really? Yeah.

It's coming out next year. Is it like talking to people who. Yeah. Really? Yeah. It's coming out next year. Is it like talking to people who. Yeah. Really? Yeah. So we went to Prince Rupert. I know we spent a lot of time in Prince Rupert in that area.

Prince Rupert. And there's a lot of Sasquatch sightings in that area. Oh really? Yeah. Yeah. But like I saw somebody posted a video online of. You ever been propositioned by a Sasquatch? I've never told this story before,

but. Is it true? Is it true what they said about cryptids with big feet? proposition by his ass. I've never told this story before. Is it true what they said about cryptids with big feet? Wait, there was somebody posted... Once you go squat, you never go watch? Once you go yeti,

go ahead. But it was a video of two black bears like standing up and just like walking, walking around together. And I was like, that's got to account for a portion of your, your Sasquatch sighting. Yeah. Yeah. Like just black bears, just walking around the woods.

Like, uh, I was convinced like until the third viewing of those videos that it was like someone in a costume. It looks creepy. Those bears walking on their back. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But it's, they do that sometimes they do that sometimes i don't know like you know sometimes dogs do it and you're just like why do you keep walking around i don't think they do it dogs don't do it of their own volition some dogs do some dogs some weird dogs will like get up on their hind legs and they just kind of walk around for a bit. And that explains my mini Sasquatch sightings that I've seen.

The chupacabra. Do we want to move on to Overheard? Sure. Life can be fun. Don't get carried away. You got to do the things you don't wanna do To get through the day You gotta shine your shoes You gotta sweep the floor

You gotta clean your house You gotta do some more Take care of beers in the house Hey guys, we got a little bit of jumbo work here And I know we pre-taped these episodes But I just wanna make a prediction that paul manafort will be indicted oh man dave i don't think so i'm gonna go i'm gonna bet against that and i'm gonna be like there's no indictments at all okay um well first we have we have a jumbotron for a podcast

called the good news is which is on it, SoundCloud, and TuneIn. Now, are Dave Graham and probable guests goofs making you smile? Us too. But the news today certainly isn't. Well, unless my prediction comes true. That's why we created The Good News Is. The Good News Is is a weekly podcast about happy thoughts, happy events, and happy people. We take

staying informed about the bad news seriously, but we focus on the delightful news or news adjacent stories you should know about because sometimes you just need a smile and there are plenty of goofs too. The good news is it's not all bad. Off

we go! I don't even know. I wouldn't even be able to recount what good news has been going on in the last news cycle. Oh, you know, usually it's like an animal. Yeah, some sort of animal doing. Oh, yeah, I guess Fiona the hippo at the Cincinnati Zoo. Fiona Apple. Yeah, at the Cincinnati Zoo. Fiona Apple. Yeah, at the Cincinnati Zoo.

Sure. Her residency. The next Jumbotron here we have is from Blake for Alex B. I want to wish Alex B. a big happy celebrity birthday. You're the best friend a wacky podcast fella could ask for. I hope you don't mind, but all I got you was a bag of Reese's Pieces, and to be honest, I probably already ate them. Oop-a-doop. Oop-a-doop.

Well, off I go. Well, people are really nailing that. Yeah, that's catching on with a vengeance. Do you say, you know in some parts of the world, some parts of the world, I think like the East Coast of the United States, they say Reese's Pieces. No, they don't. Yeah. Really? Yeah.

Oh, boy. I mean, I think they learn about these candies as babies. And it's very cute to hear a baby say that. Yeah. No one ever corrects them. Or maybe they never heard somebody say it out loud. They learned it by reading about it in the E.T. novelization. Sure.

But are the words misspelled in the novelization? Yes. Pieces? Come on. Guys, if you want to have a Jumbotron on our show, a message to your friend or a message about your thingy. Your thingy? Yeah, whatever. Your thingy,... Your thingy? Yeah, whatever. Your thingy, your ding-a-ling,

whatever. It's a hundo to talk to your friend, two hundo to talk about your ding-a-ling. We'll talk about your ding-a-ling for 200 bucks. Yeah. That's our guarantee to you. Maximumfun.org slash Jumbotron.

Okay. Okay. Off we go. Hey there, folks. I'm writer and performer Dave Holmes, and I host International Waters, where we pair a team of comedians in L.A. against a team of comedians in London in a pop culture trivia battle royale.

Comedians like Jimmy Pardo. My Aunt Pat for Christmas once got me a candelabra, you know, for my collection. And my brother said, I didn't know you collected candelabras. And I went, I do. I now have one. Bill Dwyer. Bob Barker is turning over in his almost grave right now. He's very much like us. And many more.

Join us every other week on International Waters with me, Dave Holmes. Find it on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi there. I'm comedian and movie buff Ricky Carmona and I'm excited to tell you about a new show I'm doing called Who Shot Ya? Join me, LA Weekly film critic

April Wolf. I'm going to call Star Wars when it comes out the Clint Howard Project. Film reviews editor for The Wrap Alonzo Durale. Everything Charlize Theron knows about killing somebody with a high-heeled shoe she learned from single white female. And our dope-ass friends each week. I think we need to

end this pernicious belief in our society that there is anything remotely f***able about rich dudes who are emotionally unavailable. So if you're tired of whack opinions, and you're looking for a smart, funny, film discussion show, check out

Who Shot Your Son? That's what we do. And you can find us at MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Overheard. Overheard. Overheard. The segment where, you know, boy, oh boy, you hear things and wowie, wow. You remember them, you bring them here, and then it's like currency.

It's like jazz. And we always like to start with the guest. Paul, would you please lead the charge? Yeah. I hope this isn't overheard because I was standing right there, but it's a couple of overheards in like a three minute span. You know what? We'll refer to the... I'm looking at the official rules.

To the Oracle. Yes. Yes. So there's a Safeway close to my house and it's like, there's this one guy I like to avoid because he's very talkative and it slows down the line. But I only had like two items. I had a green onion and cilantro. And so I had to go to the express and he was working the express. I'm like, oh God, that's going to suck.

Right. And because he talks to every person like for forever. Yeah. And it's a lot of old people at this one. And I overhear him say to the person two two, uh, two services ahead of me. And he goes, oh, so you're making a lasagna tonight. And I go, here he goes. And then they start talking and the old people love it when he talks to them.

Right. He's very, he's very good with them. And then she, she's going on about spices to use and he, they're comparing recipes and holding up the line. The next person, I don't remember what they were talking about, but he guessed what she was going to make and he nailed it. So I'm like, and so here's the thing. You have a green onion and a cilantro. And I'm thinking, cause I was going to make pho, right? I got a nice bowl of pho, Vietnamese pho.

And I guess my girlfriend always says, uh, when I work on podcasts and I write for like long stretches, I don't talk to any other human beings for a while. Like I'll go sometimes a week and a half without talking to somebody. Oh wow. So I, I, I get, I enjoy people's company and talk to strangers. Apparently I'm sitting there and in my head,

the car it's, it's obvious what's going on. And in my head, everyone else is seeing it. Right. So I turned to the woman next to me and she's got her daughter there and I go, good luck with mine. And then I realized,

Oh, from her expression, she has no clue what I'm fucking talking about like this stranger just looked at her and said good luck with mine and so he gets to mine and he doesn't say anything he doesn't even try to guess right and so I'm really disappointed and I looked at her and went I shrugged like see but she still has no clue what's going on and so I get my bag and I leave and I hear the young girl say to her mother Like What was that man

Talking about And she goes I have no idea Pretty good That was pretty good Yeah Yeah I like

Those two ingredients Can go on anything Yeah Yeah It's true Like you were carrying Like the two Like classic

Throw it on the end Salt and pepper eh Clearly you're making food Yeah like the two like classic throw it on the end Salt and pepper, eh? Clearly you're making food. Planning on eating later on. Something needs a little something, right? Glad I didn't come to your tale. In my mind it was like pretty like

who uses cilantro but I guess you use it for everything. Sure. Sure, I was maybe a pad thai you would put it but those two things

are like, you know kind of a garnish as well. Yeah, yeah, those two things are like, you know, kind of a garnish as well. Yeah. And it kind of, you know, a Mexican dish. Oh, sure. Maybe just like a nice salad with, uh, you know, just some apples. Yeah. But some, some apples and tomatoes and, uh, green onions and cilantro. You're there.

Dave. Crunch. When does your cookbook come out? You know, I owe a lot of thanks to HelloFresh. Dave, what's your overheard? Mine definitely doesn't count as an overheard. It was said by my child

to me. But I wanted to state it for the record that mine also falls into a similar category. Okay. So Margot comes into the kitchen the other day and she's got a bear in her hand and she's she says uh we're shooting spiders and i'm like oh are we yeah this is my gun i don't know i don't know where she's learned about guns, but I love it. I think it's great. So she says, this is my gun.

And then she, it's a bear. It's a stuffed bear. And she says, come, come shoot a spider with me. And so we go out into the dining room and she points to where the spider is. It's not really, there's no spider there. She's pretending. And I say, oh yeah, let's shoot it and i go zap and she says that's not the noise it makes say what noise does it make

she just smacks her lips oh that's not the noise it makes either margogo. So maybe the bear is not shooting it so much as eating it. It is like figuring out the parameters of the rules of the game that a kid has set up, like the lava or whatever. And you're like, oh, I'm standing on lava. And they're like, that's a tree. And you're like, come on, man. I just got here. I'm trying on lava and they're like, that's a tree. And you're like, ah, come on, man. I just got here. I'm trying to play along.

Do you have nieces and nephews? Yeah, I was just thinking when you said that. I played in that same rental house. I was playing on the master bed. All the, we were just jumping around. The master bed. I'm the master bed. And then we were just there on the bed and I'm like, that's lava, the ground.

And she just pushed me Like she didn't push me over But she tried to Her intention was As soon as I said That's lava Bye This will kill you

And she's like Alright And she had to push me I'm like well no wonder You're seeing ghost boys Up in the like Yeah the ghost boys Like push them into the lava

Is that a That's another one I think like pasta and drama Where Americans would probably say lava Lava Lava Delicious lava cake That's a thing right

I didn't just bring that up Domino's pizza makes a legit great one Makes you make the sound of a gun My overheard is the same as somebody saying something to me uh i was getting in the airport shuttle uh in prince george to go into the hotel i know i'm doing i'm doing things right um and uh this lady was in the car with her daughter and the daughter was sitting in the passenger seat and then she was sitting the mother was sitting next to me and it was just her talking to her daughter most of the

trip but then uh just out like literally out of nowhere she turns to me goes you a poet i was like uh no she goes you look like a poet that That was the end of it. Yeah, I was like, yeah, I guess. Were they talking about poetry? No, no, no, no, no. At all? No. That's what came to her head. No, she just looked over at me and just gave me the,

are you some kind of poet? What if I was? What am I doing here? I'm here to write a poem about a bear. You're doing some research for a poem? About a bear. About a bear. I'm starting it fuzzy wuzzy, and that's all I've got so far.

Walking on his hind legs, man. Oh, boy. Yeah, anyways, so I guess I've got to look. I'll take it. Sure. You a poet? Are you one of these poets who don't know it? Yeah, are you a poet?

You're not? Anyways, high five. Too slow. You're a poet. Are you one of these poets who don't know it? Yeah, are you a poet? You're not? Anyways, high five. Too slow. He is a poet, mommy. We also have overheard sent in to us from people around the world. If you want to send one in, you can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org. And this first one comes from Bryant B. Bryant Bumble in Houston, Texas.

The broadcaster. I work at a comic book store and a kid was in the store with his grandma. She was buying him three graphic novels for $11.99 each and said to her grandson, you know that's three pizzas, right? And the little boy replied, pizzas cost $12? That's an outrage. Imagine how I felt. Oh, boy, yeah.

That's four graphic novels you could have had. Yeah, I remember exactly when my friends and I figured out how much pizza cost and that we could pool our money and just buy pizza. Oh, it was such, it was a magical day. I found it stressful when the slices didn't divide equally among the people. And then there's always that one guy's like, well, we'll just slice another slice in half. And like, no, those are two smaller slices now.

Someone's going to get a bonus or someone's going to get, uh, someone's going to get in the shaft. Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't work out. Yeah. You're right. Someone's going to get a bonus or someone's going to get a screw job. It doesn't work out. You're right. Yeah, you're right. When it would be coming down to the end of, because there's nobody amongst a bunch of 12-year-old boys are like, I'm full. I'm watching my figure.

You know, pizza's just empty calories. I never had that many friends. Didn't have enough to split a pizza? Yeah. But here, growing up in Vancouver, you had access to pizza slice places. Is that not a thing everywhere? It wasn't in Calgary. Really? Yeah, you'd have to get a whole pizza and then figure it out from there.

But yeah, pizza slices. Yeah. You have to be a kid who can go out on their own. Oh yeah. And, uh. One twice, one twice, boys. You want that heated up? Uh, I don't know.

I washed my nose. Oh, I think I'm going to get a pizza slice after this. It's so delicious. All this talk. This next one comes from Christina W. Parts unknown. Today, while I was waiting with my five-year-old for his swim lessons to start, a dad came in with his two sons.

He was trying to get them ready to go, but the older one, about eight years old, kept asking questions. Not sure where the conversation started, but this is the question I heard. This is the son. But if I'm in jail and it's not really my fault because someone stole something but then said I did it, would you help me get out then? The dad slightly exasperated. Take your shoes off and yes, if you're being framed, I will bail you out of prison.

Thanks, dad. But like the beginning of the conversation was like, no, I will not. If you commit a crime, you have to take it like a man. Yeah, you're on your own. You're doing the whole man Yeah You're on your own You're doing the whole stretch And you're on your own I'm not gonna say You might get time off

For good behavior But I doubt it Cause I saw What you pulled earlier Son I told you to stop Hanging out with those kids At the playground

You had a bad look to them You can't get off For good behavior Just cause you weren't Touching them I'm not touching you And this last one Comes from Casey S Can't get off for good behavior just because you weren't touching them. And this last one comes from Casey S.

I was at Canada's Wonderland over the weekend, and my friend and I waited outside by the Dinosaurs Alive exhibit while our girlfriends went to the washroom. Sure, why not? Our Canadian girlfriends. We were visiting our Canadian girlfriends. Canada's Wonderland, which I guess exists. Dinosaurs Alive is a section where you can go in and look at animatronic dinosaurs that move. We were standing by the entrance where they have one small T-Rex sort of dinosaur that moves and roars.

And some kids approached it. When the dinosaur started to move and roar, one of the little boys got really excited. With his arm outstretched, joyfully exclaimed, kill me, kill me, yay! This is how I want to go. Eaten by a dinosaur. A small T-Rex too. That's the most pathetic want to go. Eaten by a dinosaur. A small T-Rex too. That's the most pathetic way to go. And it would take a long time if it was small.

It would have to eat you piece by piece. You know, it's a thunder lizard. With his gun. Yeah. A gummy, an old T-Rex with no teeth. Oh, being gummed to death. Stinky. Yeah. That would be like if you were eaten by a

whale that would be like being gummed to death wouldn't it because they just got the tiny tiny little teeth maybe not a killer whale that would rip you apart pretty quick yeah they're pretty uh well they got that name for a reason would you bail out a killer whale you know you know what if you were framed did you think you were going to be framed and be put in jail for being framed when you were a kid? I thought that a lot. Really? Yeah.

I don't know why. Cause I think it was a thing in movies. Anytime somebody went to jail, say earnest because of a frame job, you know, in grade four, for some reason, a lot of my closest friends ended up getting caught shoplifting at Sears and we're, we're metric. Yeah. And now they're out of some reason, a lot of my closest friends ended up getting caught shoplifting at Sears. And we're metrotowners now. Yeah. And now they're out of business.

Thanks a lot. And I'm the only one that never even thought of it. And so, you know how you have that urge at night to like drive into opposing traffic, whatever that thing is called. Yeah. So whenever my mom took me to Sears, I'd be like, I so badly want to sort of steal something just to get caught. Just to feel the rush. Just to feel, yeah. Because I don't know why your people do, I didn't even understand it.

I couldn't even relate to it. Like, why would they do this? Is that Thanos? Is that what that is? Thanatos? What? The death urge? Oh, yeah, you're right.

I think that's it. Or like, yeah. Yeah. The opposite of pathos? I just know that. Is pathos the life urge? Thanatos may be a comic book character as well. I think Thanos.

Thanos. Thanos, yeah. I think Thanatos, you might be character As well Thanos Thanos Thanos Yeah I think Thanatos You might be right What For me it's Fire alarms Oh you always want to pull

They look so Like they're right Where your hand Is going anyway They're so Shiny and red So that And that little

Acrylic bar That's across it That just snaps When you pull it Is that what it is And it's filled with ink Isn't it Oh is that what it is

Well that's the old urban I know It would spray you So you pull it? And it's filled with ink, isn't it? Well, that's the old urban. They would spray you. So they know who pulled it. So they could identify the hero who saved the day. And he's also the one that left the pool with a blue trail following him. You're the same kid. Is that real? Or is that just something from grown-ups?

In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, it's absolutely spooktacular of you to do so. Yeah, really good. And the phone number for that is 1-844-779-7631. Or 1-SPYPOD1, like these people have. Oh, spooky. Hi, Dave, Graham, and undoubtedly fantastic guest. I have sort of an overseen.

I've wanted to call it in for probably almost a year and a half, but I just haven't had the nerve until tonight. Okay, so here goes. I was in my friend's car, and we were driving by the airport here in Victoria. By the way, this is Eva from Victoria. I've already messed up. Okay. Anyway, we were driving by the airport, and there was a church,

and it had one of those signs with the letters that you can rearrange rearrange and they can write out different things to talk about different whatever. Yeah, we know. And the sign that this church had decided to make said, come hang out with Jesus. He hung out for you. Whoa. hang out with Jesus, he hung out for you. Whoa!

Shit! I mean, that's not how they meant it. Is it? I think so. Wow. I mean, what else would they have meant? That he came here to Earth and hung out with us for a while. Hung out for you, though. Yeah, that's true. Like laundry. Was it near Tofino? He hung ten for you?

Yeah. There's that missing portion of Jesus' life where he went yeah the lost summer yeah after senior year

yeah wow sassy sassy for a church did Jesus take a what do the British people call it a gap year

did Jesus take a gap year but there is isn't there Did Jesus take a, what do the British people call it? A gap year. Did Jesus take a gap year? Eh. But there is, isn't there's like a huge missing chunk of teen Jesus. Yeah, his teen Jesus. This is where he became Teen Wolf. Yeah. It was a huge, yeah, it's about 10 years it's missing.

And it's like scholars think he maybe traveled. Like he didn't just hang out in, like, that's why they're missing because he went somewhere else. Yeah. Hold on. Highways. I don't know. Like, I don't know any. I don't know.

In my knowledge, there's a larger gap. I know the birth of Jesus and then prophet. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Like I don't even know toddler Jesus. There's just after toddler Jesus when he was sassy to his mom. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Like I don't even know toddler Jesus. There's, there's just after toddler Jesus when he was sassy

to his mom. Okay. Where she said, you got to come home now. And he was hanging out at the church. He goes, but mom,

I am home. And then he probably got spanked. Yeah. Like this is my father here. Like why? And then there's that

from that, whatever that age is, I'm sure he's quite precocious until about 31 or 33. 33 is when he died. So we don't even get 20s Jesus? No I don't think so

Oh he was in a band Yeah yeah yeah Or maybe you know He was like He was like Batman He went training Oh right Cause it was

Oh I like this version Yeah yeah yeah He went and trained up For the big Cause he had some business To take care of Yeah yeah yeah Who's the bad guy?

Ra's al Ghul. Here's your next phone call. Hi, Dave Graham, Impossible Guest. This is Andy in Wisconsin calling in with an overheard. I was just showing my five-year-old a toonie and he said,

wait, was a polar bear president or something? I mean, yes. Yes. It was a dark period in our nation's past where we wouldn't elect a woman into office, but we did elect a bear. Like two or three times in a row. Yeah. Yeah.

And it had to be a white bear. Yeah. Yeah. It's one of our nation's shames. You know what? The policies enacted under Prime Minister Growls were, you know, great. Yeah. But that's because he was part gun, too.

Yeah. That's true. For people not aware, the Toonie is a Canadian coin that has a polar bear on it. Now you know the rest of the story. This year, it's the special edition that has the northern lights on it, the glow in the dark. Pretty cool. Do you have it? I had it.

Gave it away. And it comes back to me. It's mine forever. Sure. Fine. Here's your final overheard. Hey, this is Kevin I'm in

I'm in New York for New York Comic Con I was just in a public bathroom and uh a guy came in a guy that was already in there

said oh hey man how's it going he said alright I'm just wondering why the ground's all soaked

the guy says oh it's piss. Oh, all right. You could tell from his accent or whatever that that's the way the story was going to go. Hey, what's this brown stuff coming out of my butt? I don't know, man. Yeah, I really... I like looking at pictures from the comic con although did you see that there was a local photo of a guy who's running for city council that like

posed at dude chilling park and his like foot is clearly in uh where a dog has just peed. Oh, really? I did not. Eh, really got passed around. He's got my vote. He's not afraid to stand a dog pee. If it's for a photo op. They got rid of the dude in Dude Chilling Park. They did? I think the statue's gone. Oh, he was standing next to the sign.

Yeah, but the sign doesn't make sense anymore. Why did they, is it broken? The statue? I don't know anything at all. Okay. Bye. Bye, Dave. Bye.

Off I go. Woo. Well, that brings us to the end of the podcast. Paul, you've got a brand new podcast coming out tomorrow. Yep. Halloween day. And it's going to be spooky. It's going to be spooky.

It's a ghost story. And people can find it where? Go to thebiglooppodcast.com. Okay. Or go to iTunes, look up The Big Loop. And yeah, hopefully your fans will come over and have a listen and get ready for some scares. It's not called iTunes anymore.

It's called Apple Podcasts. Yes. That is not catching on at all. Yeah. Like everyone still calls it iTunes. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, bye.

Oh no, Dave. I'm sorry. I forgot I was gone. And also your other podcast, The Black Tapes. Yep. Still available. Yeah, final season right now. And the last episode should be coming up pretty soon.

And I'm sure fans will be very sad to see it go. Yeah, but you never know what's going to happen. Maybe like Jesus, it'll somehow come back in a different form after missing a whole bunch of teenage years. I like it. Yeah. And thank you so much for coming back on the podcast. Thanks for having me.

It was a lot of fun. Thanks, Paul. Dave's way out there in the field. He looks like a ghost. Oh, thanks, Paul. I don't know. And for those of you out there who want to further interact with the podcast, you can head over to MaximumFun.org.

There's all sorts of great podcasts on the Maximum Fun Network. You can go to our Facebook page. You can go to the Reddit group. You can go follow us on Twitter at Stop Podcasting. But all that's available on the MaximumFun.org episode post. And thanks so much for listening. If you like

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