Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 504 - Brad MacNeil

Episode Date: November 13, 2017

Brad MacNeil returns to talk about the worst private party, a weekend in Colombia, and a Calgary wind storm.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 504 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who cannot get enough of these Nestle brand Smarties, Mr. Dave Shumka. And I had to finish the little Halloween packet of them fun size before we started because they... I suck them.

Yeah, oh I see. When you eat your Smarties, do you eat the red ones last? Do you suck them very slowly or crunch them very fast? Do you eat them by the bowl full? Smarties are a blast. I didn't know that sucking them was an option. Sucking anything is an option. No, it's great

because it was all their color. And you just throw them in the trash. You have these white little flattened globes. Yeah, yeah. But then the shell comes off. Oh. Kind of like all of them melted. It's a process.

Don't spoil it. I haven't gotten that far yet. That voice you hear is our guest. It's been a long time since he's been on the show. Very funny comedian. He was banned. He was banned from entering the he's been on the show. Very funny comedian. He was banned. He was banned from entering the

country and from doing the podcast. We'll get to all that later. But our guest is Mr. Brad McNeil. Hello. Oh, hello, gentlemen. Oh, is this a thing? It's been a while. No, it's not a thing. I'm genuinely excited to be here. Thanks for having me. Thanks for coming back.

Should we get to know us? Yeah Get to know us Now The last time you were here Mm-hmm 2011 2011

2011 I had a six-month-old child And now your child Let me do the math there College Not college She's in college That's correct

Good for her. She's a little doogie. Dr. Violet. Widdle doogie. Widdle doogie with pigtails. Doogie babies, remember? I mean, I guess this isn't funny because doogie was young. Yeah, but now he's even younger.

I know, but like in the opening of doogie, they would have like, you know, newspaper clippings. He did a tracheotomy in a mall with a kid, yeah. Oh, is that when he was six? I wouldn't let, if a kid came over and was like, I'll give you a tracheotomy. A tracheotomy? You got a boo-boo in your twote.

I got to take care of him. I've got some Twizzlers here. We'll make a Twinkie out of me. Which child from a sitcom would you want to operate? I'm just going to put it out there right away. If I was going to get one. Operate on or have him operate? Operate on me.

I want Billy from Who's the Boss? The later seasons of Who's the Boss? The one who's saying, hey, Tony, that kid. I want him. Don't worry. This is going to be easy. I don't remember this kid. You don't remember him?

No. I don't know the actor's name, but he first appeared in one of the talent show episodes of the Cosby Show where they just have all the kids come over and he made his name for singing Eye of the Tiger. Worth a U2. Worth a U2. Here's he, Eye of the Tiger.

It's not funny because I have a low voice, but if I was six, hilarious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, what kid would you have operate on you? Sitcom kid. Sitcom. Is he different from Rudy's fat friend? Oh, that's Peter.

That's Peter. Yeah. And he just ran away. Yeah, but I just like his face. He was the best. Yeah, was he the one that would go on? Yeah, when he bounced on the lap, of course. Yeah, yeah.

Very funny. Just thinking about him brings me joy. Although, you know who would be the best surgeon? No. No. No, you did not read my mind at all. It was Bud. You wanted to say Bud.

Small Wonder. Yeah, I was going to say the robot from Small Wonder. Technically not a child, though. Well, technically, though, a child. Point counterpoint. It not a child though well technically though a child point counterpoint yeah yeah it's a child and it's techno it's technology technologically a child yes oh god that was a leap this is one of our earliest recordings ever we're recording at 5 a.m 5 a.m uh i hopped a truck to get here i've had a thumb a thumbed a ride in because the buses weren't even running yet. I appreciate it, guys.

I got this tough mudder coming up this morning. I just wanted to be up and ready for it. So why does it start so early? I feel like the mud would be at its peak in the afternoon. Yeah, you know, you don't want warm mud that somebody else has gone through. It's like virgin snow. You want to get in there quick, be the first tracks in the mud yeah i'm not doing a tough mutter stop making people think i'm athletic um uh a tough mutter same as a spartan yeah whatever but with mud

yeah okay they all have a dumb thing like i uh some i think you can get electrocuted. Oh, fun! Some I think you can get jumped into a gang. Some I believe someone's jabbing you with an AIDS needle. What else do they do? They get you addicted to heroin and they sell you into white slavery. Oh, wow!

They tell you that there's something that they really need to talk to you about, but I can't explain it. You think it's love, and then you get to the end it's just no can you house it for me and also i assume these are all like the demographic of a tough mudder it's going to be white slavery um i i don't yeah i don't i don't know a lot about that world. It's putting yourself in, in a fake peril is the idea. And fake apparel. You have to wear. Oh, like tearaway.

Yeah. Clothes. And like an imaginary top. Oh, Ooh. Yeah. Uh, that's what I'm wearing today. How do you guys like it? Well, you thumbed that ride.

You certainly got that. You, you had to do that thing where you lift up your uh your skirt yeah um so uh you you now you have a kid not just a baby oh she's a she's a full-on child with opinions and everything oh what is uh what is her opinion on this whole uh this whole nafta thing um pilot's big expression right now which i guess i won't say for uh overheards is she's not a fan of stuff uh-huh oh okay like um do you want do you want some of these carrots i'm not a fan of carrots so i would yeah i would think that she's probably you know not a fan of breaking up nafta that has brought us a lot of uh positivity but that's that's a child's opinion yeah yeah yeah

it brings in all those carrots she doesn't care for. Exactly. Margo's, uh, uh, current expression is, uh, how about, how about, uh, we make those people stop lighting off firecrackers? Oh, I don't think we can do that. Like, I just don't know how we would get that done. There's too many of them. How about we get our guns? Wow.

She said that. I said, we don't have guns. There's too many of them. How about we get our guns? Wow. She said that. I said, we don't have guns. We're not gun people. Sorry to disappoint you. Daniel Tiger's a gun person. Yeah. I missed that up.

Well, it was pretty innocent. It was just about gun care and maintenance. Oh, okay. But a lot of people were like, that implies that everybody should own a gun. I don't think there's a lot of solutions that are given by guns, but I feel like fireworks are the least of it. Like shooting at people when there's already explosions around. Yeah. It's not going to draw a lot of attention to you.

No, I guess unless you kill them. Oh, I see. You're not just scaring people. No warning shots. Yeah. Oh, you're going out, yeah, but then you've got

and that's murder. I mean. Unless a little Doogie Howser comes over and saves the day. Once a year. I would like to

apologize. We pre-taped this, but there will have been a mass shooting by the time this comes out. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, so she's not a Yeah, yeah. Yeah, the, so she's not a fan of carrots. Oh, actually carrots she's actually fine with. Wait a minute. You're changing the story. I'm sorry. I just, I was randomly pulling a vegetable.

Name any vegetable that's not peppers. You know, if it's cooked, more specifically, not a fan of cooked peppers. Okay. So she'll have,

I can see where she's coming from. She'll have chopped up peppers and hummus, put them in a recipe. Not a fan. I'm not a fan of. I like that. I like that phrase. The look on her face when they bring her a hot skillet for fajita, chock full of peppers. And then having to learn that you have to make your own fajita.

I don't know. It's pretty fun. I guess it's kind of fun. I haven't done it in years. Do you not get a sense of jealousy when you hear a sizzling plate going to another table? Like I'm just instantly like just FOMO. Why? There was sizzling options on the menu that I ignored?

Yeah. Well, I always eat at Sizzler where everything. Oh. Yeah. I always eat at Sizzler where everything uh oh yeah I always eat at Sizzler. Is Sizzler is a do they is it just a like a candy bar snack bar what am I thinking about buffet buffet yes uh salad bar so is anything sizzling uh yeah it's uh uh the name oh yeah they're selling. Oh yeah. They're selling this. Yeah. Yeah. It's been a lot of years since I've been in a long road. Also true.

Um, I don't remember them like frying anything up, like not even like an omelet bar or something like that. Oh, I thought sizzler was like you had the salad bar, but then you would also get a steak. Oh, maybe I,

I could be wrong, but I think it's more like a Ponderosa situation. What's a Ponderosa? It's like a Sizzler. Brings it right back around. Hey, still got it. See you guys in another 340 Eps. I guess I will Google Sizzler menu.

Yeah. Find out if there's even one near around anymore. Google Sizzler to go. See if there's a... Can we get... Google Sizzler and see if White Man Can't Jump comes up first. Huh. When you Google Sizzler, the first thing it suggests

is Moxie's. Hmm. Local Canadian chain. Um, oh boy, I don't know if... Guys, go you guys vamp. Okay. So, what else has been happening? Well happening in the time since we left?

Well, in the time, let me see. Marriage is split up. We're dealing with that. But, you know, we're getting through. Okay. We're dealing with the Vancouver split up, though, of, you know, relationship has come to an end. Neither of us can afford to move out. So right now, we will deal with that at some point.

But right now, it's a mad dash to who can go to sleep the fastest so they can get the master bedroom. Because otherwise, you're going to end up sleeping in the kids' room. Oh, man. Yeah, it's a downer. I got other bad news. My Sizzler's around here. What? My Sizzler is south of Seattle.

It was the only thing that I was looking forward to. It was the only thing that was going to get me through this, no. Closest Sizzler is south of Seattle. It was the only thing that I was looking forward to. It was the only thing that was going to get me through this, guys. So, because that used to be strictly like a New York phenomenon, where couples would break up and then they would have to still cohabitate. Yeah. And I guess that has moved north. Well, I don't think this is a permanent situation. No. But for now, you know, mortgages and stuff, guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So much fun for a permanent situation. No. But for now, you know,

mortgages and stuff, guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So much fun for a comedy podcast. No, you know, I'm interested. Yeah. So we will,

we will likely be selling the plays next year. But right now, it's not, you know, we're still able to get along. We're still going to stay,

we're going to be staying in each other's lives for at least 12 more years you know. And then. Unless it's a doogie situation. We can send her to

college at 12. This might wrap up a little quicker. But she's not a fan of college. It looks like they have a salad bar and hot options.

Like hot to your table. Okay. So you order off the menu and then go get the salad. I think that's what it looks like. So it's more like a pizza hut. Sure. Yeah you order off the menu and then go get the salad. I think that's what it looks like.

So it's more like a Pizza Hut. Sure. Yeah, it is kind of like a Pizza Hut. But Pizza Hut doesn't do that anymore. Really? I don't think so. I haven't been to Pizza Hut in so long. I haven't been to Sit Down probably the last time that I was at a Sit Down Pizza Hut was around the last time you were on this podcast.

Oh, so I was going to guess it would have been 20 years ago. No, no, no, no, no. 2012, when I was in London. Oh, I love it over there. They had a sit-down Pizza Hut. Pizza Hut? Yeah. And they had, it was a lunch buffet, so you could just get slices of different types of pizza.

Man, what a time to be alive. 2012? The Olympics. Will we ever be so young again? No. Probably not, yeah. Mathematically impossible. Did you get a pitcher of soda?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I drank root beer. Yeah. And, oh boy. Oh, did I belch. You didn't get an exotic British soda? Yeah, root beer. You can't have a Pimm's cup.

I had a pint of root beer. You can't have a Pimm's cup. I had a pint of root beer. You can't have a root lager. A lemon. Shrug's lemonade, yeah. Well, I'm sorry to hear about this. This is a difficult situation. It is, but, you know, all I'm saying is if you'd had me on 300 episodes ago, we might have been able to save it. Maybe you can.

Maybe you still can. No, I think that ship has sailed. That's not a joke there. If you throw some sort of big concert, you put on like you, you know, really do an awesome, do some sort of awesome solo. If you win the battle of the bands,

maybe then your relationship can get back on track. Is that possible? I don't think this is a good line to follow. Yeah, that was what it needed, was me paying more attention to the arts. If only I had focused on my music and my cam anymore. I feel like that's romantic comedies. Oh, it is romantic comedies.

Yeah. And I can send you 10,000 blog posts on why that's wrong. No, just send me the one. Send me your favorite blog post. Yeah, send me your Mount Rushmore of blog posts about that. Top four. Who's on your blogger Mount Rushmore? Oh, boy, it's got to be...

I cannot remember any bloggers. What would Tyler Durden do? Yeah. Pink is the new blog. Is Sean Baby still writing? I liked Sean Baby a lot back in the day. I don't know. And finally, Perez Hilton.

There we go. Of course, that guy. Were there any non-celebrity bloggers? Or non-celebrity based blog? What else do people used to blog about recipes yeah yeah they still do uh oh god wrestlers wrestled reciproters reciproters uh baby stuff mommy bloggers that's the thing always and forever um uh and then you know conspiracy fashion yeah Fashion slash conspiracy.

Fashion conspiracies. Where did the Nehru jacket go? Really? Yeah, it was a button fly up until a certain time and then zipper ever since. Suddenly it's cold and everyone's wearing sweaters. But why? I think that's as good a Mount Rushmore of bloggers as we could ever hope for. Sure.

Um, I'm sure there'll be a blog posted by somebody of being left off too. Oh yeah, sure. And no one will read it. People just check their Instagram speeds. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Blogging is a, it's a tough, it's a tough, but I was going to say about recipes is now it is like, they will write paragraphs and paragraphs about why they are cooking this thing. Or I don't even, I don't know what the paragraphs are about. I skip them always.

And I'm like, just show me how to make everything in one pot. Yes. It's the same with blog posts where they're going to show you a video clip and then they write about everything that's in the video clip. And I'm like, just the video clip, please. And it's always down in the bottom. Is it based on ad views? Is that why people do it that way? It's the only thing that can make sense

when you have to flip three pages. I assume so. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. Three pages to get to a video? Yeah. No, thank you.

Agreed. I'm not in favor of that. Then I will vote for you. Yeah. Could that be a policy? What, blog posts? Yeah. Shorter blog posts?

Could you be a politician who's like, I think we should make it law that you get to the content on the first page. Yeah. And also if you have one of these. Lists, the list ones? Or one of these things that's like a clickbait, like you'll never guess. You know, these celebrities, child celebrities have died. And there's a picture of, like, Soleil Moon Frye.

And you're like, she's not dead. You can't do that. I saw Fonky yesterday. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Because, like, what's the one that I always see is movies where the actress actually did it on camera. And it's a picture of Mila Kunis from some movie. And I was like, I don't think she really did it in the movie Ted.

It's a picture of Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman from Matilda. That was real. Technically accurate, I suppose. Oh, the crew hated it. We're going to wait one more second um so uh you were telling us before we started the podcast that your hair has its own yeah in instagram it's unnecessary and no one needs to follow it but you're more than welcome to uh what's it called it's's called the Brad Hair Day. And why?

Why does your hair? What is with my hair? It's still here for one day. Yeah, congratulations. Yeah, we did it, guys. Beautiful. Into my 40s and still. 41.

Oh, that's so sweet of you. 40. Even sweeter. 42. There we go. We did it. Jackie Robinson. That's right. There we go. We did it. Jackie Robinson. That's right.

Oh, nice. I'm progressive. Yeah, no, I think I'd put three or four posts in a couple weeks that involved my hair. In your regular? Julianne Hoyak, shout out, had said that, oh, I would follow a blog or an Instagram of just your hair. And almost to prove her wrong, I have now done it. And it's fine. It's like a lot of things.

And you have one follower. And just for men. Yeah. The two, the two. That's going gray any second now. And we're going to be there for you when it does. It's not going gray. Or maybe a little bit on the temples there.

A little bit on the sides and on the beard more than anything. But up top, that's a young man's do you got up there. Shocking, isn't it? It's pretty great. Yeah. Is this, you got this locked in forever, you think? Have you checked out the grandparents on either side? Well, the problem is the stats on where you keep your hair.

My family all dies at 45. Yeah. Thick heads of hair. It's going to be great next three years. We have to spend two hours combing the corpses because the hair is just so thick as they die. No, one side of the family is completely bald and the other side is not. So, fingers crossed. Okay.

But I think it would have started by now. You would hope. It would seem like a really cruel thing to the one thing you can hold on to. No, we took it away at 52. It's, no, it looks good, man. Yeah. And now I can't stop looking at it. Now that I know it has its own online profile.

Well, you're welcome to follow it. I'm going to replace Perez Hilton with your hair. I did it. Is it as easy to switch between accounts on Instagram As it is on Twitter Or is it a bitch It's actually pretty easy I was shocked at how easy it is

It was a hair raising experience Oh look at you Thank you I actually really like that joke I don't know why I undersold it No you're mean Oh that's it that's why I undersold it. No, you're mean. Oh, that's it.

That's why I undersold it. No, it's shockingly easy. I can show you how to do it later. We only have the one. I only have the one so far. But those glasses could use their own Instagram, Dave. Yeah, that's true, Dave. Look, I took my glasses to the pool. I'd take them off at the pool.

Why? You don't want to get them wet. Yeah. Yeah, Brad. You're to the pool. Yeah. I take them off at the pool. Why? You don't want to get them wet. Yeah. Yeah, Brad. You're not a glasses wearer. I'm not. No. I'm not either.

I don't know. Do you ever, um, did you have you, do you swim ever? Constantly. Well, I'm not doing it right now. I guess that's, I have proven that statement incorrect just by being here. Although he is wearing just a swimsuit. And so, well, that's close enough for me. A formal swimsuit.

It's an old-timey 30s swimsuit that goes down to my ankles. Do you wear goggles? So I have goggles when I swim. But Violet and I would go to the pool. So I bought a pass for the community centers because it was easier for that. And I took her in the hot. Have you been in the hot tub at Hillcrest? The giant soup? What hot tubs have you been in in Vancouver?

Oh boy. Okay. I've been the rooftop hot tub at the Eclipse Night Lounge. Sure. The Eclipse Night Lounge? I've been in a lot of limousine. Oh yeah. On your way to the eclipse nightlounge rooftop nightlounge uh well your vip ride is here put on your swimsuit i've been on um

uh a limidate okay oh yeah i forgot you were on a limidate no that is a uh that's a family friendly hot tub that's why i thought the the kids may have been there sure i had my goggles because violet loves to dive for stuff yeah um which is a great way to kill some time at the pool yeah so we had our goggles and we both dropped them in the hot tub and i had a panic of there is nothing that terrifies me more than having to go into the water, like put my head in the water. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Just gross.

So I, all this to say, I haven't brought my goggles since they floated up. Like it's quite a big hot tub and they floated up quite a distance away, but we managed to find both. But do you ever like do laps? Um, on occasion I will, I keep meaning to get back into it.

I, the only way I can get through swimming labs, footsies, sorry, is, um, is long division and math. Like I like to figure out how many laps I'm going to swim, how many I swim, and then try and figure out what's the lowest common denominator on that fraction of like, Oh man, you're making exercise and math go together. It's the most boring thing in the world but it distracts me from the fact that i'm swimming is it like do you feel like a beautiful mind are there equations around that's why i can't do it very often because i keep pulling string across to connect my theories across the pool that's a good detective show where he has to swim to put together the crime. So he always has to find

a reason. He's got to find a canal or something. Or a pool. Just as he's getting close, they have to race off somewhere into one of those physio tanks. You're going to have to open up the dam. I have to solve this.

And what's the name of this show? Plunge. That's his name though a lap in reason all right that's pretty good that's the worst way i hate it so much laps in reason laps in reason the laps in judgment yeah yeah yeah i'm trying to crimes is he a judge he is now trying to think of something like cause like don't they call certain departments

of the police pools like oh the detective pool yeah yeah something like that or maybe his name

is also pool yeah yeah that's what I was thinking within a yeah detective pool well that's pretty good that sounds like a

pretty strong Eddie James Pool came from a crime family. They were all bald and dead at 45. He's gonna prove them wrong. The reason I ask is because I try swimming laps sometimes

and even as a kid goggles, the goggles just like they fog up, they let water in. The goggles fog. The goggles are foggy. Foggy fog. The gogs are foggy. Foggy goggy. Foggy goggy. Shout out to the foggy goggle in Halifax, Nova Scotia.

And now, as an adult, same thing. Yeah. How do, like, when Olympic swimmers have to do laps and laps and laps and laps, they can't adjust their goggles every lap. So two things that you want to make sure. When you buy your goggles, you have to, you have to try them on.

This is so dumb, but it's accurate. You, you want to push the goggles into your face and let them go to see if they'll hold. Cause if a goggle fits, it'll actually hold on. It'll suction right to your face.

And do you put a little, I put a little pencil underneath my eye to see if it's too droopy. Because your eyes are sagging. Yeah. Um, the other thing though, around here, have you ever swam at Kitts? Uh, outdoor? Yeah. No.

Cause a lot of the pools that one included are salt water. So you don't even really need goggles if you're swimming laps. Cause it's salt water doesn't really bother you. You're just swimming in tears. But it's also like nice to wear goggles because you can see underwater. Sure. Yeah, you can dive for change. You can.

I'm diving for change. That's my charity that I. Oh, yeah. I forgot to ask. What is it? What charity is everybody supporting? Yeah. Well, I've started Dive for Change.

It's a support group. Support group. It's a charity where I collect change. From pools? No, I, you know, I knock over some UNICEF boxes

and then I, you know, then I dive, you know, I make a big show of it. Triple Lindy, whatever. Hey, everybody,

look at me. Are you watching? And, it's funny, I swim for laps for a reason which is just we're trying to raise money to find reasons

to swim and mine is laps for lap band surgery so I do laps to help people get lap bands even if they don't want people I've selected

but don't let them in the pool afterwards I'm 110 pounds because they might shit themselves Code Brown the Don't let them in the pool afterwards. I'm 110 pounds. Because they might shit themselves. Code brown. I also see like Olympic swimmers, they'll like take their goggles off in the pool and kind of like.

Yeah, rinse them. Is that rinsing or is that cooling them to pool temperature? Oh. This is one of those things that I do that only because I've seen other people do it. Yeah. So I can give you the lies. I do it just because

they do sometimes get foggy. Even the anti-fog ones will occasionally get a little bit foggy. So I'll wipe them off that way. But they probably have a spiritual reason for it. Very religious, the swimmers.

How come there's no Olympic swimmer that's like broke the mold and just wears board shorts? Why isn't there just one that comes out? I saw a, it was a rainy day and I saw, I hated this guy for no reason. But it was a rainy day and he was biking in a raincoat and board shorts and like swim shorts. Sure. Oh, okay. And I just know that when he gets to his office,

he's like, I figured out the solution, guys. Yeah. Swim suit. You guys are wasting all your money on all this rain gear. Just wear swim trunks. But just telling that story made my legs feel cold. Yeah. Like cold and wet legs?

Yeah. It was, you know, it was before I got this cold. Oh. But still. But it was a couple weeks ago. Then I support him 100%. It was like the last rainy day. Can I change my charity to that guy, whatever he's doing?

Yeah, yeah. I swim for him now. Yeah, it's just called swim for him. Yeah. The, uh, I, uh, I worked with a guy that used to cycle the work no matter what, no matter if it was the most like boiling hot day or just like a torrential downpour. And, uh, the thing that a lot of the people that cycle and all these things don't understand is that they, uh, they smell bad when they show up at their place of work and just the the unveiling when you take your code off and it's just been all that sweat and humidity has just been trapped underneath cortex oh yeah so you know that's my new charity is just to raise awareness through many stink cycles

in your life true and anything else new we covered your hair we covered goggles we're going

into Christmas season which I don't I don't know how many corporate events you do but this has become the

the big time of year for me so there'll be a lot. If you haven't seen me on a stage recently, there's a good chance I'm coming to your office to play Family Feud with you or to do

some pub trivia. What do you do in the Family Feud? Are you the host? I am the host. Okay. They don't just do like a team of accountants versus a team of improvisers. Wow. They're better. They're funny they're funny now see that's the difference there's a big difference between the type of corporates because with stand-up you just go and you perform your act and they don't really like it and they go

we should have gotten improv is always kind of what else is there now like is there new well improv is exactly like when it's just an improv gig, it's 100% the same thing. And it's the one time where I feel like just a fraud to people of when I bring up younger improvisers, like, look, you can do a great show. Honestly, here's the five punchlines that they want to hear and just make them look good. And let's, let's get this done. But that to me, that seems like what every single corporate I've ever done want. Sure.

They want to do that. Yeah. They don't want to listen to somebody tell jokes. They want jokes about them and stuff, right? I'll try and keep this story as quick as I can. No, no. Take your time. So I got hired to do a birthday party improv show

a couple weeks ago for a six year old. I was expecting like a 40 or 50 year old. It turned out to be for a 20 year old. And it was at a restaurant in Richmond that, uh, I'll put it as politely as it was across from the Aberdeen mall. I don't think I, I, I'm not convinced there's been white people in there since the Olympics. Like it was a very Asian restaurant. Okay. And clearly there was a misunderstanding in what the birthday boy wanted.

Like, oh, he goes to school in New York and he loves improv. And so we're bringing them in for this. Like, oh, cool. How many people are going to be there? 14. But it's in a VIP room in the restaurant. It's going to be fine. I went, okay, this is, and then they were, and I was like, and the agency calls me. It's like, it's a, they want an hour. Like, no, you've got to let them know like 45. I don't

want to watch more than 45 minutes of improv. And I do improv. And I, no, we had to talk them down to an hour. Like they wanted more. Wow. So I get to this place. It's a nine o'clock show. We get there. We wanted to go to the break of dawn. We go, we go till the eight.

We get there at 830. We wanted Del Close. Exactly. Which, which of the Who's Line guys are you? Well, he's gone to New York. He goes to school in New York. He's only been to an improv marathon. He asked for 36 hours.

What do you want? It's to raise money. Laughs and reasons. Jokes for folks. Yeah. So the VIP room was, you know, held away from the rest of the restaurant by a rope. Oh, God. So the sound bleed is complete.

Yeah. And I walk in. Asian restaurant, you'd think you'd get one of those screens at least. Oh, yeah. It's, well, when you said VIP area, I just assumed it was a separate room. Yeah. So did I, when I agreed to it. I just assumed it was a separate room. Yeah, so did I when I agreed to it. How many improvisers?

Two of us. Okay. Do I know the other one? Essay. Do you know what I said? Okay, well. A two-hander, they would call it. Yes, this was a two-hander.

Yeah. We walk in. There are five people sitting behind a giant round table covered in food. I'm going to estimate three and a half of them spoke English. And as we approached the table, the mother says, go. Improv. Go ahead, improv. Honestly, I think.

Wow. They, the kids got it. They understood this wasn't exactly what it was but they were like do you want a microphone or something because i'm listening to what sounds like a singer in the other room like if you know like oh do you want us to turn the music down oh if you could that would be fantastic like that would make this so much easier so they go for a bit we're kind of chatting and i was like so i uh i turned to the birthday boy so i i hear you love improv i think you you go see ucb and nyu i go to nyu like

but you go to comedy oh yeah go to the comedy cellar all the time. Oh, I go to the improv. Yeah. This is where the mistake came. So then just to finish this up, they come back of like, we'll have the microphone for you in just a second. All I want to do is like a sound effect scene. Like, okay, cool.

Whenever you can. Yeah. We're just waiting for the singer to be done with it. So they come back. Does she do sound effects not quite done here so I finished the scene where we do the sound effects scene and do it

and I'm like this sounds like it's going to the whole restaurant oh yeah and for those of you who don't know sound effects is literally handing a microphone To like the volunteer Who comes up and makes the sound of rain And will act like it's raining

It's the most like childish But always fun game So we do the scene Goes over like a fart in church And then we We're going on to the next scene Which is again just improv classic of arms expert and they're like do it do it into the mic right but then the rest of the restaurant's

gonna hear this scene yeah we want them to it's our kink yeah this is this has become the main attraction of this restaurant we want them to hear an entirely visual scene in English while they eat their meal. That's why the restaurant's called Improv Next Door. I wish I read more Mandarin. Yeah, I only speak it. I can't read it.

I do it by feel. But like the thing with corporates is they pay okay. Oh, yeah, yeah.. Okay. Oh yeah. Yeah. So that's the, that's the whole reason.

Like, cause otherwise it, it sounds insane that anybody would do them. I don't know. It's just so, so awful. I don't know if you do this. It's very similar to my swimming technique though,

is I will, I will, I took the microphone and I splashed water on it. I stick the microphone right in my eye and if it doesn't stay there. If it sticks. No, I will take what they're paying me and I will divide it by 60 for something like that. Of like every minute I tolerate this, I make $3.50 or I make $5 or whatever it's paying for that one. Yeah, yeah.

That'll get you through. I guess that's probably pretty, yeah, that's a smart way to do it. Because if you're getting 300 bucks for the hour, then that's five bucks a minute. Yeah. That'll get you through. I guess that's probably a pretty, yeah, that's a smart way to do it. Cause, uh, cause like if you're getting 300 bucks for the hour, then that's five bucks a minute. Yeah. I,

uh, I don't do a ton of them because I either, uh, don't like people don't think that I would be good for it. Uh, which is fine. Uh, probably right.

And the other part of it is, uh, I will talk myself out of them. If people are like, yeah, we're looking for a comedian. And I'm like, I listened to the setup and I'm like, uh, I will talk myself out of them. If people are like, yeah, we're looking for a comedian and I'm like, I listened to the setup and I'm like, no, you want to, you want a DJ or you want a magician or whatever?

Like I'll talk myself out of it. But the, uh, family feud sounds fun. Yeah. Family feud sounds amazing. Family feud is the best, especially now that, you know, they, they'll vary up the jokes a bit for some, but I know a lot of where it's going. So when you see somebody like puff up their chest of I've got this and you know, they don't all the joy it brings.

I had a CEO one time. Uh, it was, what's the, uh, the question was, what's the one thing your family uses the last of and doesn't replace. Right. And family uses the last of and doesn't replace. So we were looking for things like toilet paper. Good answer, good answer. There we go. And so the entire team is shouting,

TP, TP. And he whips around confidently and says, televisions. Televisions. Can't watch any more TV. I'm done with this channel. I watched all the TV for the day. And now you guys have made all of the. I watched all the TV for the day. And now you guys

have made all of the jokes I made for the rest of the hour. I can't afford this. Where's that guy who throws TVs away? Yeah, I wonder because I watched

a little bit of Family Feud over the weekend. It was in a hotel that had TV so Family Feud was on. I got it. And

do you think like what is that like for the host guy? What's his name? C was on. I get it. And do you think, like, what is that like for the host guy? What's his name? Steve Harvey? Yeah. Richard Karn? Yeah, Richard Karn. What's it like for Richard Karn? How's Richard Dawson doing nowadays? How's Al from John O'Hurley doing?

I think they're all fine. Except the one who's dead. Yeah. Oh, right? Yeah. But, like, does heen. Oh, right. Yeah. Uh, but like, does he, like you,

does he know, he just knows what's coming? Like he knows that people are going to screw it up or. I feel like he wouldn't be allowed to know the answers. I think because of the whole quiz show scandal, I don't think the host is actually allowed to know what's coming in an actual game environment. But maybe he can probably read the people that he knows who's going to... Nail it or really screw it up.

Yeah. And for the most part, it's just a slow burn on something. It's hard to tell because we're not allowed to talk to Steve Harvey. Yeah, that's true. We're not allowed to look at him. We're not allowed to make eye contact with him. We'll never know. What game show would you like to go on the most?

I think Family Feud sounds like the most fun. No, Price is right. I think I would like to, depending on the game. I've always wanted to play Plinko. Of course. They should just do an hour of Plinko. Oh yeah. Plinko Live. How come there's

never been a spin-off of just Plinko? I don't know. They did a spinoff of just carpool karaoke. It's true. It's not too late guys. As far as shows to go on, I never want to go on the big popular, I want to go on the ones that have the stupid things that they do to the guest.

Like there was the old Alex Trebek one before Jeopard jeopardy called pitfall where if you got the question wrong they would drop you down the elevator and into like a goo no you just had to answer a question then you went back up it's a it's again was there goo at the bottom it there yes there was goo at the bottom goo at the top there was a there was emotional goo involved. The show was called Equilibrium. That's not a bad idea for a show. You don't want to do too well? Yeah, you want to stay right in the middle. There was a show, I feel like it was called Russian Roulette or something like that,

where they would actually drop the contestant out of, like, where they would drop through the stage. There was that one with Chris Jericho. Oh, yeah, where they would drop the stuff off? Yeah. That was great. Off the top of a building. And then maybe you got dropped off the top of the building? Yeah. In the end round, yeah, both of you

were hooked up to something. Yeah, you're playing for a washer-dryer. Oh, it just went off the roof of a building. Just went off the rooftop. The rooftop hot tub just went off. Equilibrium lounge or whatever it was called. If I was hosting, I would want to do like a pyramid type show, like some sort of guessing game,

but I would never want to be on that show. I feel like that's a guarantee. That's when I'm going to blank. There was a clip going around of a Japanese game show where it was people were given objects and they had to, I don't know if they had to guess whether or not it was made of candy. Of chocolate. Of chocolate. They had to bite it.

Yeah, they had to bite into it. Oh, but guess before they bite? I don't know because none of it was in English. I think they could only test things by biting. By biting it. So they'd give you a shoe and then you'd try it and the shoe would either be completely made of chocolate. Or shoe. Yeah, or shoe.

Anyways, it's the greatest. Sure. The answer is that shoe. It was the doorknob. Yeah. Dave, what's going on with you? Oh, we haven't recorded in a while. That's right.

Let's see. What's going on so since we've been gone i went to columbia for 30 40 hours as you do um abby's brother got married uh in columbia yes to a columbian woman and so we they must ask you a lot of questions at the border. So you were only in Columbia for 40 hours. Yeah, that's right. And your backpack is just, and I bought all this, uh, I brought back all this great, uh, like powdered sugar. Talcum. Oh, Columbia talcum.

It's the best. Won't drive my body with anything else. Um, so yeah, we, uh, we got there, we left on Thursday night, arrived on Friday night, uh, cause it's Vancouver,

Toronto, Toronto, Bogota, Bogota, Bukaramanga, uh, which is a fun city to say.

Yeah. And, uh, we, like we, we were at this resort, uh,

with Abby's family and, uh, her brother's friends. And so we went and we just, we went and we sat down and we had some late dinner. Sure. And it wasn't, it's a place where it's, nobody speaks English. Right.

And I'm not used to that. Yeah. And it's like that Mandarin joke earlier. Like I can read Spanish. I can figure out the meaning of things. Sure. From my French. Yeah.

I can figure out, oh, this is where I go to the bathroom. Baños. Baños. Make sure the toilet helps. And, but when people are talking to you, I cannot. No. It's fast and it's furious. Oh, really?

Yeah. It's about family. And so, yeah, the wedding was on the next day. So we just like, we got there. We, they gave us the menu of food and I, it was all just like weird, like sandwiches and things and like nothing authentic colombian so i and then they delivered this big order of empanadas to the plate to the table and i was like well that's not on the menu and it wasn't so i was just like more of those for me yeah yeah and those were great so good beaucoup de panada yeah i oh it was a lot of like just pointing to a thing and she'd be like so so

you want cerveza we uh and then woke up got ready like had to get ready for the wedding the we had to take pictures at noon so it was like non-stop wedding while i was there What type of attire at a hot wedding? The men were there were no suits. The men were supposed to wear these, I think they're called guillaberas which are like a linen

shirt, a white linen shirt with like a little design, a little embroidery stitching on them. And I was told mine would be ready when I got there. There was, there was none for me, but, uh, Napod shirts shirt. Did you have a backup?

Could we be better at just doing, no, I had a backup white shirt. Okay. So I didn't, I didn't look, um, uh, like a schlub, right. But it was, uh, it was actually really hard then to be like, to tell the men apart because every man was wearing the same. Yeah. Right. Uh,

the same outfit. Did she accidentally marry the wrong guy? Well, Alex, Abby's brother was wearing a custom made white linen suit. Wow. Which was pretty great. And her dad had one as well.

And so, uh, yeah, yeah no there's no mistaking that so when then we went to the wedding and it was on this mountaintop that overlooked the city and it was beautiful it was i don't even know what the building was it was like i don't know sure yeah the people are very cath. So everything's a mission. Yeah. Yeah. And the, like, is this something you had to walk up to or? Oh no, we took a bus.

Burrow. Oh, okay. We took a burrow. A burrow. And, uh, we, so yeah, we had the ceremony up there. I guess every, I guess there's no such thing as being a little bit Catholic. So it was very Catholic. Yeah. Everything's very Catholic. And, uh, I guess there's no such thing as being a little bit Catholic. So it was very Catholic. Everything's very Catholic. And, uh, but it was all in Spanish. And the only words I

was able to get were, uh, they called Jesus Señor Jesus. Oh, I love it. Mr. Jesus. Mr. Jesus. Um, and yeah, it was under like this beautiful big tree It was great and then They handed out rice for us to throw At the bride and groom I've never done that before Oh that's

Because I come from a place where we We've been told that will explode a pigeon's belly That's true Like who cares Also if you throw rice in this city A lot of times it'll rain and just slowly expand. It slowly becomes kind of a risotto. Risotto.

So why such a short visit, though, if you're going all that way? Because I was originally supposed to go for longer. Abby stayed for 10 days, I think. But we decided that I should come back and take care of the kids. Makes sense. Because it would, you know, my parents had them for the weekend, but maybe it would be a little much. Maybe it would be better for everyone if I went home. And then they, yeah.

We as a group decided it would be better for everyone if I left home. And then they, yeah. We as a group decided it would be better for everyone. If I left home. And so, yeah. And so, and then the partied and had this like weird, the national drink is this stuff called Guaro. Guaro. Guaro. And it's like, it's like a licorice flavored liqueur, but it doesn't burn your mouth. It was really something.

So, like an orzo or a... Not orzo, um, ouzo. Excuse me. It was like a... So, when you finished throwing the rice, did you drink it? Did you soak it in a licorice-flavored liqueur? This rice-shaped pasta. It's delicious, though, when you've had a couple.

Oh, and I like... Yeah, so we had this party I mean You know the reception And dancing And it was so much So much dancing And I

I can dance for like Two songs Yeah Live band or DJ? DJ Okay alright Playing Hits of

Canada And Colombia Nice Every Famous Spanish language song You've ever heard of. Now, is it similar to when you go to a...

Yes. Yes. Yeah, that's my question. Feliz Navidad? Yes. Tequila? No. No Feliz Navidad.

I've gone to a couple, having worked in Surrey, I've gone to a couple Indian events. And it always surprises me that the two or three Indian... Oh, you've got that one that uses Knight Rider. And you've got... one that uses night rider and you've got oh really yeah but is it kind of the same thing of like the standard hits that we've seen the miami sound machines and i'm assuming despacito probably made one or two i think despacito was there did you see despacito despacacito. Was he wearing white? It might have been a Despacito remix. Okay. La Bamba, Macarena. They do this thing at midnight called Hora Loca, where it's the crazy hour.

And they play, like, even obscure. Like, oh, I guess I do know this Spanish song that was, like, kind of a silly song. Is it a hip, a hop, a hip, a da-da-da-da. Whatever. Oh, yeah, I know that one. Yeah, yeah. And, you know, they bring around funny hats for people to wear.

That is crazy. I mean, it is the crazy hour. You put that away when one o'clock comes around, though. I see one funny hat out here. Some kid tries to sneak on a hat early, you know. It's 11.30, kid.

What? The crazy hour is midnight? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, okay. And then, yeah. Oh, and we ate so much. There was so much Crazy hour is midnight? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, okay. And then, yeah. Oh, and we ate so much. There was so much meat. It was just like they had this giant campfire built, and they were just smoking stuff.

Whoa. And, yeah, you would have been able to eat, like, the chimichurri sauce. Yeah, I would have been able to eat the sauce. I would have scooped some rice off the ground. I would have drank. Done a shot of orzo? Yeah, I would have been able to eat the sauce. I would have scooped some rice off the ground. I would have drank. Done a shot of orzo. Yeah, I would have been fine. Done a shot of, yeah, exactly.

Look, I'm just here for the crazy hour. I brought my own veggies. And hat. So it was a fun wedding. Yeah, totally fun. Like a great experience, even though it was only, I think I was there for 40 hours and traveling for 30. Wow.

But it was, it's just like the Winnipeg time zone. So there was no jet lag. Right. And it was, and it was kind of nice to just like be able to be on a plane with no kids. Yeah. Yeah. And was it like, was it like sweltering there? No, it was surprisingly No, surprisingly temperate. Okay. But warm enough to wear a linen suit to your own. Oh yeah. Yeah.

Well, it's summer or spring there. Oh yeah. Are they on the other side? I don't know. Well, he's in the tropics anyway. Yeah. That was actually my question going to be, because this always throws me off. Like when you're in the tropics, does it ever creep you out when the sun goes down?

Because it goes down so fast. Yeah, because they don't have dusk. Like that's part of what being in the tropics. Oh, right, of course. So when the sun goes down, it's instantly dark. And it always takes me a second. Is it? Did I miss the?

Oh, no, that's just how the world works. I don't think I've ever been to the tropics. Never been invited. So, you know, always a bros man. So, bumpers, that's just how the world works. I don't think I've ever been to the tropics. Never been invited. So, you know, always a bridesmaid. So, bumpers if there's anybody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ecuador or Panama. I'm like a vampire I need to be invited in.

Then I will never leave. You've been to the tropics more than once, right? I think this is, if this, I don't know if I was in the southern hemisphere though. And I don't, I haven't memorized if I was in the Southern Hemisphere though. And I don't, I haven't memorized as to which way the toilet goes here. So I couldn't really compare.

You should have, you should have got your parents to send you a video. Because in this house, we let it mellow. But also there, the plumbing is not equipped for toilet paper.

So you put your toilet paper in a little, in a little garbage garbage garbage can next to the oh hmm gross yeah well especially because like the warnings for traveler's diarrhea that you get which i don't how is how am i supposed to tell that from my everyday diarrhea that's what i always says like boy boy, they think that my diarrhea is really going to have the time of its life. Well, and beyond just different water,

it sounds like you also took down three or four pounds of meat. That might throw your digestion off a bit. But ultimately, I wasn't there long enough to. Yeah. My traveler's diarrhea came home. Yeah. Now, was diarrhea came home. Yeah. Now, was this a situation where the whole wedding party was all staying at the same?

Yeah, the whole, all the foreigners. Yeah, were all staying at the same. Because that's kind of the thing about an away wedding is when you wake up the next morning, there's kind of a, it's weird. It's not like you're eating breakfast and you're like, ah, kind of a, it's a weird, it's not like, like you're eating breakfast and you're like, ah, we were so drunk together just a couple hours ago. I was at the airport by breakfast. Nice.

There you go. He treated it like every other party you've ever gone to. My part here is done. I'm out of here. It was, uh, and I had heard like conflicting reports about the coffee there. Cause it's, you know, the most famous coffee place in the world.

And the airports had really great coffee. Okay. Uh, and, but like everywhere else, I guess just the, the resort we were at, they do this sort of weird poured coffee that you're like, what, what, what am I having here? Right. And they're like, do we want, do you want us to mix it with lemonade? That's not true. But now I have to try it. But apparently they do a lot of like instant coffee there because they export all the best coffee.

I don't know. I didn't get a straight answer on that. But the airport coffee. Because they don't speak Spanish and no one speaks English. Not even at the resort? Yeah, that was the weirdest thing. I would go up to the front desk and say, okay, I need a car this time tomorrow. And the woman would just look panicked and point to someone who spoke English.

Wow. Huh. Yeah. I guess it comes down to need. Like other than Dave, how many people do you know who have Colombian like travel experience? I think it's. Yeah. I think.

Well, except that one guy. Yeah. I think it's like a resort for maybe people in the country will come and visit or maybe people from the continent. But when I, uh, when I've gone to italy it's the same there's no nobody will meet you halfway if you if you try an italian at least they'll they'll let you try it but they will not if they they will not cancel you out and say oh let me talk to you in english yeah yeah which is what you want yeah yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, sir. No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah. But they're like, no struggle, struggle through the Italian. When I was in Spain, one of the things that kind of surprised me, cause in like, that's

the Quebec, Quebec attitude of, I'm just going to talk English. Stop wrecking my language. But in, it was the first time that I had people who couldn't speak English and seemed kind of like, Hey, sorry. Yeah. Like we'll, we'll try and figure of like, Hey, sorry. Yeah. Like we'll, we'll try and figure this out together, but no.

Yeah. But at the end of the day, yeah. You come over to my side. Huh? Pull out your phone and show me what you want. Although isn't there, there's like some sort of app now that is like,

Oh, you like a universal translator app. Well, there's the Google translate app. If you, you know, take, you know, take, you know,

have your camera out pointed at a sign, it'll translate all the words to English. But there's like some app that I heard about that. If you speak into it, like you say the sentence, you know, it'll translate it and then speak it to the, I don't trust that.

That seems like something for pranksters. Do you have to have your roaming on? Probably. Guaranteed. Well, that's quite an adventure. Yeah. For 40 hours. Yeah, and then I came home and I had

45 minutes. No, I guess an hour and 10 minutes to go through customs, go through security again and get on the next plane. Oh, yeah. And like grab a snack. And one thing I realize is if you get a snack in the airport and you eat it on the plane, if your sandwich has a piece of gravel in it, you can't complain to anyone. You can't get off the plane and be like, hey, turn this around. They're just going to get away with it.

Yeah. Well, you know what? You can, you can shame them right here on the podcast. The, the, Toronto airport.

Stop putting gravel in all the food. Hey, Pearson, clean it up. Oh, also in the airport in Bogota, I was having eggs, and they started showing on the big screen Mad Max Fury Road.

And in the first 10 minutes, everyone's got these open sores that just look like the eggs I'm eating. It was just like tubes pumping yolk out of their body. It was just like Tubes pumping Yolk out of their body I guess I I guess I never thought of Mad Max Fury Road As a

Particular breakfast film You know I think of the classics Breakfast at Tiffany's Breakfast Club Eggs over my hand The Fabulous Bacon Boys Pretty good Milk eggs over my hammock the fabulous bacon boys pretty good

milk yes sure omelette the right one in juice coffee and cigarettes yes and then I came home

and took care of the kids by myself for a week and it was fun yeah but it didn't get I was I like had just taken on two kind of freelance And then I came home and took care of the kids by myself for a week, and it was fun. Yeah? I had just taken on two kind of freelance gigs and didn't get anything done. Yeah.

Like, fell asleep with my laptop in bed every night and woke up in the morning with both kids in bed with me. Aw. That was pretty cute. It was pretty fun. Yeah. That's pretty. It's like a real Uncle Buck situation. And I was like, what did you do with my laptop laptop i didn't think it would fit down the toilet i thought you made a waffle in it

oh i tried to make a wobble i mean that would work right with the keys anyway exactly uh smart kid what's up with you uh? Nothing to rival a Bogota adventure. But I went to Calgary for the YYC Comedy Festival and did quiz show there, which was really fun. The next one's November 25th at the Fox Cabaret. Did you do local comics there? Yeah. Yeah. And it was fun. 25th at the Fox Cabaret. Did you do local comics there? Yeah. Yeah. And, uh,

it's, uh, it was fun. It's in this old, uh, movie theater that I used to go to when I was a teenager. So that was very nostalgic to go.

Like it was the movie theater. If you wanted to see like an indie weirdo movie, or if you wanted to go to like midnight horror a thon or whatever, which was like the only place a teenager could hang out. So, and it hasn't changed at all. Oh, cool. Like it's still, I mean, it needs to change a little bit

because it's kind of falling apart a bit, but it's a lovely little theater. And so I did the show there and it was the day after they had like an election in Calgary for the mayor. Yeah. And there was a huge windstorm that happened the day I was there. So those fucking things that people put on their lawn. Oh.

And it was like a hotly contested election. So everybody had a thing on their lawn and they were just flipping and flopping and flying all around. Took politics in the eye that day. And they were just flipping and flopping and flying all over my face. Took politics in the eye that day. What difference does it make to put those things on your lawn? It makes it easier to fight with your neighbors. Yeah. Like, does it affect the attitude of people in general that like, oh, this is a, you know, everyone in this neighborhood is going to vote the way I don't want to vote.

So I'm just, you know what? I won't even bother. Yeah. I think, I think it's the same with like, uh, you know, like when people say they won't vote because the polls show that, that somebody's way out in the lead and they're like, ah, I'm not going to even participate. I think it's like that. Okay. But, uh, this one was apparently neck and neck and, uh, uh, Nenshi, the incumbent. Oh, good.

I like him because he's he seems nice yeah he he is nice he retweets anytime that somebody's like lost their dog oh that's nice yeah like uh i follow him on twitter he's a city of 500 yes it is very funny that like on my twitter feed at least once a day it's like hey could you help spread the word about my dog and i'm like uh calgary's also a city that is very close to the wilderness so your dog was eaten this is what what happened and uh what is it usually a bobcat bobcat or like yeah my dad sent me photos yesterday of a bobcat that was in their backyard. And their backyard is a golf course though.

No, like in over the fence, like on their, on their patio. But like they're right next to a golf. They're right next to. Do you consider bobcats a golf animal? Well, there's a golf course after October is wilderness. That is true. And, uh, yeah, my dad saw it just like eat a squirrel. Jeez.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, so if a squirrel's not around, but your dog is, they'll eat that. Squirrels are so fast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they can get so high up. Your dog can't do that. No, that's true. And your dog's probably like hey look a friend yeah

his defense mechanism is to show his soft underbelly so yeah um yeah so uh so that's that was basically it is that i got there during this crazy crazy windstorm and there was just like just it was the perfect time there was the most possible debris to be blown around and that's what you look for in a festival yeah yeah yeah it was it was the and like even you could see the storm front moving in and it looked like remember this the scene in independence day where like the ships actually like break through the atmosphere. It looked like that. And I was like, huh,

I guess I've seen too many disaster movies to really be impressed by this actually occurring phenomena. And I took a photo of it. Oh, you had to.

Yeah, but it doesn't look like, doesn't look like much. No aliens. Well, your iPhone is, oh, it's very old.

It's a very old iPhone. Yeah, it's a, it's just, yeah, it's pixelated. It looks like old Mariel Brothers when I take

a picture. 8-bit portraits by Graham. Yeah, so that was it. That's all that's new with me. That's cool. Yeah, it was windy. I went to the Windy City. Should we move on to a bit of business? Or

move on to overheards. Oh, sorry about that just had to dispatch some goons real quick hi i'm april wolf lead film critic at la weekly and when i'm not kicking butt i'm hosting the new maximum fun podcast switchblade sisters do you love genre films do you love female filmmakers do you love discussions on craft if your your answer is yes, you'll love Switchblade Sisters. Every episode, I invite one female filmmaker on, and we talk in-depth about their fave genre film and how it influenced their own work. So we're talking horror, action, sci-fi, fantasy,

bizarro, and exploitation cinema. Mothers, lock up your sons, because the Switchblade Sisters are coming for you. Available at MaximumFun.org or wherever you find your podcasts. What's up? I'm James, the co-host of Minority Corner. And look at that! I'm Aneke, the

other co-host of Minority Corner. Girl, guess what? What? We just hit our 100th episode! What? And what do you think is going to be in store for the next 100? Probably some more feuds with Jennifer Hudson and I'm telling you, I'm the best! we'll probably do more investigative reporting too like we did with the kodak and their racist film not to mention exposing the truth like how we did with the ugly history of the texas rangers but we always lighten the mood with a splash of pop culture

olivia pope's new wig have you seen that itpin'. Just like your lip gloss. And Janet Jackson. And you know we like to put our nerd glasses on and talk about things like Marvel. It's true. That's it. I don't speak about TC. But you just did. What? All from a perspective that's black, queer.

And ladylike. So come on over and learn, laugh, and play Enjoy in the Corner. It's a lot of fun. I'm having fun right now. Minority Corner! Overheard! Overheard! The segment in which we hear things out there in the great blue yonder and then we come back

here in the little blue yonder and we just discuss them and then, you know what? Great blue yonder. And then we come back here in the little blue yonder. And we just discuss them. And then, you know what? We go on our merry way. We always like to start with the guests. Life is just skipping from yonder to yonder. You know it, brother.

Well, thanks for letting me pop by this yonder, guys. But I don't have anything hilarious. All this stuff that I would say are just, you know, crazy stuff kids say. But the one thing that I noticed recently that I, I don't know if you guys have seen this. Have you, have you guys seen anybody hip check the compass gates yet? Uh, compass gates are the gates to get in the sky train and stuff. I was at the drive station and I, you know, we have no choice but to deal with those things. And I just saw a kid walk through and just super smooth hockey style, just give it a hip check and just skid right through. Yeah.

It just made me realize how dumb these gates are now. Yeah. I saw a guy, there was a guy right in front of me that did it. And I was like, huh. Right away, I was just like, oh, I thought they were impenetrable. Yeah, I thought they were really tough to get through. Yeah, and no alarm went with it. And there's always so much staff, but never right there.

Yeah. So, I don't know. It kind of took me. Not funny, I'll guarantee you that. I think, usually people are like, does this count? And we're like, sure. I don't think that counts. Okay.

Then I'm going back to my phone. My daughter, when she was three three Which you guys wouldn't have seen Used to call her bathing suit Her babing suit Alright we're back at it Babing suit Come on You crazy kid

Dave This isn't mine When I was taking care of the kids this week or last week or two weeks ago, time is a flat circle. Uh, I, uh, like a smarty that you suck. Yeah, that's what I was thinking of. Uh, fortunately before I went away, we had a bunch of like leftovers frozen, of course, like a big batch of meatballs for a couple days and so i was taking care of the kids and it was crazy and margo was just you know screaming and running around all day long and then when i served dinner she quieted down sat down and i was like sweating and yeah

real mr mom's situation and uh she sat down and she said thank you for this how was your day wow sat down and she said thank you for this how was your day wow i was like yeah were we together the whole day yeah and you were the problem yeah exactly you know how my day was but my real overheard is this uh in the toronto airport it was just a like they were paging someone over the over the pa and i just love it when it's a name that takes them by surprise. It was Paging Passenger Yon Oogaboo

of the Fredericton Oogaboos. For sure the wrong pronunciation. Yon Oogaboo. Like a caveman word? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you looked around and you saw a caveman. Oh.

Yeah, very confused by everything. My overheard comes courtesy of being in a pharmacy waiting to get my flu shot. You gotta get it every year. You know it. I gotta get my traveler's diarrhea shot. To give you traveler's diarrhea? Oh, it's a shot of traveler's diarrhea. I can help you out.

It's so crazy that they do that. They have like, it's like a blood bank. I donated. do that they have they have like it's like a blood bank i donated it's in you to give sure is uh this lady was on the phone with her father because she said hi dad so that's how i knew that okay yeah did you have to swim to figure that out no no this was this is entry level on the fifth lap it came to me but she she uh she was having trouble with her stove and most of the conversation she was so loud like she walked into another aisle i could still hear this really boring conversation but the beginning of the conversation started really good she said uh hi dad so I was midnight snacking,

making a couple of chicken burgers, you know? Yeah, pretty good. What else could you mean? Of course. I was midnight snacking, making a couple of chicken... Oh, I'm a little bit hungry. I know, just to have

everything you need to make chicken burgers on hand. Yeah. At midnight. At midnight. And if I'm going to do it at midnight, I'm going to go Big Mac style. I'm not going to make two separate sandwiches. I'm going to double the patty at that point. Because I don't need those carbs.

It's midnight. I think they got to, she's got to be, they have to be like the pre-made. Yeah. Oh, you don't think she's pounding it out? They have to be like the pre-made. Yeah. Oh, you don't think she's pounding it out? I don't think she's like going to the barbecue and like having barbecue sauce all over it. Oh, no.

Yeah. This is your breaded discs. Your breaded that you put in the oven. Yeah. I'm going to marinate these breasts from 12 to 1250. That'll give the grill enough time to warm up. And really let that marinate. Soak in. Yeah.

Soak in. Yeah. Get it. Penetrate. Use a vacuum pump. Um, yeah, like, uh, I don't know. What, what is your midnight snack? I'm not proud of this right now.

Uh, as somebody who has a child, there's usually some sort of, uh, candy that she's forgotten about or a half a bag of slime. Oh God. The one. I can't believe I'm going to share this publicly. I was house sitting for a buddy, uh, the other day. And,

uh, he had a cocaine. He had just been at a wedding in Columbia. Um, he, I think I ate, I'm going to, I'm going to say loose estimate three quarters of a Costco bag of Chicago mix.

What is Chicago mix? It's the popcorn that is half cheese and half caramel. Oh, wow. So they come in standard civilized bags, but you know those Super Bowl style? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just kept looking. From a sack race. Yeah, exactly.

I gave it to my child and two of her friends hopped in it. No. No. Oh, I think loosely, I think 5,000 calories. I think I took in in that one. And I just kept going back to it. There's still so much left. There's still, I went too far. They're going to notice at this point.

You should just finish off the bag. I should have. And I didn't. And I got the guilt that was coming to me. You ate. Yeah. Yeah, I did. We ate 500 pounds of Chicago mix.

My boss is coming over, and he's Jabba the Hutt. The cubs are coming over. We have to feed them. What am I going to give to the Blackhawks? We got to feed the Chicago. This is their favorite mix. Hey guys, what's Vancouver mix? It's same, but then we riot after.

It's coffee and weed. Oh yeah. It's half coffee, popcorn, half salmon popcorn. Yeah. I was going to say gross, but is it any weirder than Chicago Mix? Well, Chicago Mix, that's a pretty weird blend. But it works. It's so good.

Salty. Sweet. Now, did you guys ever have a relative that didn't care that much about you and got you one of those giant tins of popcorn where there was the three flavors? No, I had relative that didn't care that much about you And got you one of those giant tins of popcorn Where there was the three flavors No I had relatives that didn't care about me And got me the Guinness Book of World Records every year It was one or the other

Because I used to I got those I either got them from relatives or I would buy them on discount After Christmas So speaking of which you guys want to get Halloween candy after this let's do it Yeah and I would pull the divider out So I feel like I was I was ahead of the curve on Chicago.

I guess they must have done that all the time in Chicago. Yeah, they didn't have dividers. Now, we also have overheard sent in

by people around the world. It's a city with no segregation. Really? All races get along and they tell you to go to every

neighborhood when you visit. They're coming in, Jim. They're coming in. If you want to send in an overheard to us, you can send it in to spy at maximumfund.org. This first one comes from Alex S. It's in Bray, Ireland.

Oh. Tar, tar, tar, tar. There it is. My office, early in the morning. Workers making awkward small talk with a visitor guy. Boss, we just got a new copier. Overly enthusiastic visitor guy without a hint of sarcasm. Oh, cute.

This is actually a really nice shade of gray. To compliment the room and not the copier. Not its ability to print gray. No. No, yeah. Just the shade not the copier. Not its ability to print gray. No. No, yeah. Just the shade of the copier. How do you compliment somebody's new copier that they got? So many DPI.

There it is. Oh, it's touchscreen. Cool. Yeah. I can't tell which the original is. There it is. Ha ha. Oh, so warm.

Oh, I just want to put my head on the warm paper that comes out. And then you have kind of, yeah, you have a nice chat about your childhood. What was the, I don't know if copiers were ever this way, but they used to get old electronics when you would buy them would be beige. Yeah. And now they're, they've been gray for years. Yeah, it was like they were beige, I I think in the 80s and 90s. And in the 70s, a lot of electronics were avocado. Yeah.

I don't know if electronics were, but like a stove or a fridge was. But you could also get like. We're getting an avocado ditto machine. Yeah. It just brings out the room. But it was weird. Like you could get like a brown brown electronics or yeah you know and then that you couldn't or sharper image would have like a wood paneled oh yeah vcr yeah but now can you get can you get anything but like a gray would seem

the type who would get like a brushed metal photocopier. Like, you know, I right behind is that my printer is black. Yeah. Yeah. Um, but, uh,

they do brush metal, everything else now, like, or rose gold. Ooh. Not your iPhone. Yeah. Um,

yeah, I guess, uh, I guess that's just the, who knows, who knows what the future of electronics is? Not me. They're getting smaller, guys.

They're getting smaller and smarter. They're going to take over one day. I just want to know that. I'm fine with that. Okay. They can have this mess. We're not doing a great job. This next one comes from Jackie from Portland, Maine.

I'm on the bus heading to work, and there are a lot of high school students seated behind me. One girl is telling her seatmate about what she did last night. I was like, 20 bucks? I don't know. But then my father's discount with my father's discount code, the case of Faygo was 15 and I'm like, oh yeah.

Nice. Wow. Pretty good. Daddy's a juggalo. Daddy gets the juggalo discount. Help, my Daddy's a juggalo. Yeah. Daddy gets the juggalo discount. Help, my daddy's a juggalo. Stop or my dad will juggalo. Put the magnets down, dad. But how?

I'm this close to figuring it out. It would be, yeah, I guess there would be juggalo kids now right that those kids have generations of juggalo yeah wow you ever see them at the pool with their faces dripping sir you have to watch your we we asked for a shower I did shower you're still wearing your makeup you ever try to the first layer came off this is tat

it would be great if it just came off all as one piece and there were just faces floating around in the pool is that great well I mean

in the fantasy world where it's a bunch of juggalos having a pool party okay so if we're going with your theory then there's the possibility my daughter

would come out of the water in somebody else's face. That would be really good. It's on upside down. Go back in. My goggles are foggy. No. It's paint.

This last one comes from Mike C. in Manchester, NH? What is that? hampshire hampshire live fear die live free or die not live fee uh a couple of weeks ago i overheard a man talking to a woman in a way that i think was flirting but was maybe the worst flirting i've ever heard first he told her some facts about portland maine. How it's the biggest city. Was it that the previous guy was from Portland, Maine? Yeah, the previous person was from Portland, Maine. That's weird.

How it's the biggest city in northern New England. But, of course, the population fluctuates. Then he went on to talk about some deli somewhere that had Russian food. And he led with with it has bread he also said the mayonnaise selection is fantastic but the ketchup selection and then he didn't hear the rest of the conversation but i've never tried to woo somebody with my knowledge of a ketchup selection ketchup very rarely comes up in the courting process other than spicy ketchup that they have at yolks i don't know of other ketchups other than spicy ketchup that they have at yoke's i don't know

of other ketchups other than brands i had that a couple weeks ago yeah and i was like oh this is gonna be spicy i think the spice they put in is cinnamon it's not spicy at all it's just weirdly yeah more sweet yeah we're kind of like uh just like is this North African? Yeah. Maybe they put like, uh, just something, some grit in there. It's just gritty ketchup. It's just textured ketchup. Um, I don't know. There's, uh, there's gotta be artisanal.

Oh, of course there is. Yeah. Like it comes in a jar. What I like to do is I put a little, mix in a little hot sauce. Okay. Some cholula. Is that how you pass it?

I don't know. You're the one that went to South America. I didn't have it there. Oh, my God. It's like he was from Colombia, the way he keeps bringing this stuff up. In addition to overhears that are written, and we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us. The phone number is simple to remember.

Just have it tattooed on the back of your hand, and you'll never forget. That's how I have it memorized is 1 844-779-7631 or 1 Ugh, it's Bipar. Like these people have. Hey, boys.

Nah, I fucked it up. Ah, fuck you guys. You fucking suck. Oh, well. Oh, well. That's true. Next time. Here's the next phone call. Hi, Graham and Dave.

This is Trish from Calgary, Alberta. That's my mom. With an open heart. You're in trouble. Last night was Halloween, and we had a couple of interesting kids at our door. The first was a boy about eight, and instead of saying trick or treat, he said, You have a lovely house here. The second was a boy about eight, and instead of saying trick-or-treat, he said, you have a lovely house here. The second was a little boy about four, and when I was putting treats into his bag,

he recited this little rhyme, we get what we get, and we don't get upset, which caused me to burst out laughing and made my Halloween. Love the podcast, guys. Thanks, Mom. Why do you know that, Ryan? Do you get what you get or you don't get upset is something that gets taught to kids nowadays. Yeah. My friend Kevin was the first one.

He had kids before a lot of us, and his daughter was the first one to put her foot down. No, I get what I want, or you hear about it. She was about five at the time that she came up with that logic. It's when you're handing out stuff to a bunch of kids. Yeah. I want the red one. I like that kid that is going around, you have a lovely house. You have a lovely home.

This is. Really Eddie Haskell-ing his way around. Yeah, really. A real polite, polite young man. Oh, by the way, trick or treat. Yeah. Mostly I came here to ask you about these drapes. I, by the way, trick or treat. Yeah. Mostly I came here to ask you about these drapes. I can't believe your mom fell for that.

The other kid was casing the joint the whole time he was chatting her up. Are those sconces? No, they're scones. Oh, I'm an idiot. Here's your next. Oh, go for it. Ah. Hi, Dave and Graham.

This is Virginia from Seattle. And I'm sorry, I'm a wonderful guest. I'm calling with an overheard. I was in the bathroom at my son's elementary school on Friday, and I heard this little girl exclaim, female living reincarnation of David Bowie coming up. And then she said, whoever was in here, I'm sorry you had to hear that.

Well, off I go. Like the people are signing off with that. Yeah. I think it must have been a pre-Halloween David Bowie. Right. Coming up.

I'm embarrassed I said that out loud. Yeah. But the master, you do feel like Uh, I'm embarrassed. I said that out loud. Yeah. Uh, yeah. But the bathroom, you do feel like, uh, like you could, you could sing in the bathroom. You whistle. You never think about. Huh?

Great acoustics. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then you never think that there's something acoustic in there. Really? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I do some, uh, I do Layla unplugged. Okay. Cool. Uh, around here by the cameras. Uh-huh. I do all your Unplugged. Oh, cool. Round Here by the Cameros. I do all your early 90s. I do a 10,000 Maniacs song. That one.

And it sounds good? In the bathroom? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, nice. I do it at the Traveler's Diarrhea Bank. Here is your final overheard. Hi, Dave Graham and totally awesome guest.

This is Matt from Connecticut calling with an overseen. I was just driving behind a big yellow school bus, and a kid in the backseat started recording my wife and I for some unforeseen reason. But the best part is he then began to twerk out the back window before proceeding to turn around and make the blowjob motion with his hands and face. So good for that kid being secure in his sexuality. And also being an auteur filmmaker. Yeah.

Doing the blowjob motion with his hands and face. Yeah. I noticed that as well. I guess you mean both. Yeah. This is a mouth. This is supposed to be a mouth. This is you.

Okay. Let me use my face and mouth. This is you. Okay. Let me use my face. It'll make it clearer. With his hands and another kid's face. I guess that's the thing I didn't think about is that driving behind a school bus now, like, kids could just film you. Yeah. Yeah. That's one of my, was one of my grandfather's favorite stories about me was driving behind a bus when we were

like three or four or I was three or four not the whole family we aged together it's a unique thing in our family and then we die at 45 with beautiful heads of hair um we were driving behind and the kids behind in the school bus mooned us and it got a huge laugh so when we got home it's like well the ingredients are all there I I get it. Here's my butt. Where's my laugh? And, uh, yeah,

not as popular in the room, but apparently after I left, killed. Oh yeah. Can't, can't encourage this. Uh, we're about to wrap up the show.

Before the show, you met, you saw that we had some La Croix in the, uh, fridge. Oh yeah. And you had never had it. Yes.

And you were wondering what it was and how it was and where it came from. It's a thing we have in Canada all of a sudden. I don't like it. It doesn't taste enough like anything. What are your thoughts? It's club soda where somebody has whispered a flavor over it. You will be peach. And that's about as peach as it gets.

Someone dropped a tiny little bag of crystal light into a vat of club soda. They say that sharks can sense like a drop of blood in 10,000 miles. I feel like they would taste the peach in this. Yeah. The presidents of the United States of America could sense the peach. They sang a song called Peaches.

They did. They were famous. Peaches for free. I went to a peach festival and they played that song so many times. They did? No, it's just the festival. Oh, okay. Yeah.

But I, oh, maybe they did play there that year. No, that's going to be like the final peach festival. Yeah, that's true. That's going to be their Woodstock. Well, they could have that singer Peaches. That's a different kind of festival, I'm guessing. Look, they only care about Peaches. They don't care if it's a family affair or whatever.

As long as Peaches are involved, that's the whole thing. The Peach Boys, etc. Brad. Hi. This is the end of the show. What would you like very much to plug? Okay, well,

you know, let's get the Brad hair day up on Instagram. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you need regular hair selfies of a man who kept his hair,

this is your chance. Congratulations. No, we did it, guys. Come on. I'm so proud. What's coming up? I tend to teach and perform

with Instant Theater, so check that out. I'm semi-regular on The Hero Show. Pretty much if there's a comedy show in Vancouver that's not quote unquote stand-up, I'm probably on it. Or Ed McNeil will make an appearance. Yeah.

Not necessarily successfully, but I'll attend. And also, upcoming, I don't have an exact date because we're still working out the details, but I think Brad Shiny Tunes is finally coming together, which is me and a variety of Canadian musicians who've moved on to other careers discussing their appearances on Big Shiny Tunes albums. I'm very excited for that. That's as Canadian as it gets. Yeah, mad Canadian, yeah. I don't know whether we're going to be able to, because I can't figure out how we're going to do the rights.

You're going to get mad Canadian. You're going to get mad child? Yeah, we're going to get mad child. I don't know if they were on one. I don't know if they were either. The drummer from Pluto is a real estate agent in my neighborhood, though, so I'm hoping to get Justin on there. Cool.

Yeah. Pluto. What was their hit? Paste? Black lipstick? Any of these? I don't know. Something about a girl?

Anyways. Yeah, so that's coming up. That's a great, is it going to gonna be this is a live show or a podcast i think it's gonna kind of have to be i'd like to do it as a podcast i don't know how you secure can con rights on songs you if you are uh it's fair use if you are critiquing oh so we'll just play the songs and then critique well you can talk over them yeah you don't play the whole thing i i didn't do 500 episodes of a podcast, guys. I don't know all the rules you do.

No, well, you know, it's just, there you go. I come here to the mountain. They've told you. He's already figured it out for you. Yeah. Also, no one at. Nobody at Big Shiny Tunes. Inc.

Yeah. Don't worry about them. Oh, okay. Fair enough. We'll work out the details. I'm trying to find Pluto's greatest hit, but according to Spotify. It's not a planet. According to Spotify.

According to Sizzler.com. There are so many artists named Pluto. Well, it's. I'll just look up Big Shiny Tunes 1. They were on that one. Oh, okay. And while he's doing that that I will say to you listeners out there

well thank first of all Brad thank you very much for being here oh thanks for having me guys always a pleasure uh listeners out there

if you want to interact further with the podcast we have a twitter account at stop podcasting uh you can go to

maximumfun.org we have all sorts of fantastic shows you can check out there there is a reddit subgroup uh reddit slash how does it work slash r slash maximum

fun yeah and of course there's the facebook group if you want you can join that and um thank you all so so much for listening uh and dave pluto uh uh will we settle for i mother earth yeah yeah if you like the show please tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of

stop podcasting here's pluto and we have to talk over this to keep it legal no i think this song is good there see critique hello everybody and welcome to episode number five maximum fun.org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported