Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 506 - Morgan Brayton

Episode Date: November 27, 2017

Comedian Morgan Brayton returns to talk foster cats, Jumbotrons, and fruit baskets.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody, welcome to episode number 506 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who is a snappy dresser and he comes by it honestly because his father, also a snappy dresser, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, my dad came by before you got here today, guest, and Graham saw him and we had a little fight.

About what you were wearing? We got in a big spat. No, he came by to pick something up. He's going to visit my brother, and I have something for my brother. Yeah, but he's a snappy dresser. Yeah, that's where he gets it from. This is what I'm saying. I like it.

Some people have to start from scratch. I don't think Steven Tyler's dad did all the stuff with scarves. I'm not sure. He might have been. Do you think? Am I allowed to say gypsy? Why not? Why not?

It's early enough in the day, I think. I actually have read Steven Tyler's autobiography. And I can tell you that, no, he was not. Well, he was a snappy dresser for the time. He was a band leader. That's how he started. Steven Tyler started. This is so uninteresting.

No, it's great. He started playing in his band. That's how he got his start in his dad's band. And you should see the pictures of him with his little skinny tie and his jacket at the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, so he did. In the 20s or whatever because Steven Tyler is a thousand years old. Oh, so he did. In the 20s or whatever, because Steven Tyler is a thousand years old.

So fashion may be genetic, is what we're exploring here on the podcast. Sure. So my child is in a lot of trouble. I just remember when I was working at CBC Music one time, someone made a graphic of, I forget what the theme was, but it was a bunch of music artists. And they had like pictures of a bunch of singers. And one of them was Steven Tyler. And they had chosen the wrong picture of Steven Tyler. And it was a Steven Tyler impersonator.

And this was like the official graphic that we had put out. And someone had to catch it and say, you know that is not even close. It's hard to tell anymore. That voice you're hearing, who's a Stephen Tyler expert, is our guest today. A comedian. She is one of the founders of the Lady

Show that happens once a month. It happens whenever it happens. And if you catch it, it's a boy, are you lucky? It's based on the lunar cycle. How fitting for the ladies show. It's Morgan Brayton. Oh, hey, I'm here.

Hello. Oh my God. I mean, I'm sorry. I was late. I shouldn't say this on the podcast. I forgot. I was sitting at my desk at work and my little reminder came up not because i don't care not because i don't love you guys just because i'm a hot mess right now and i

don't know what's happening in my life and i got the little google reminder and i was like get in the car go so yeah all right well welcome thank you for uh making some space in your hot mess schedule i have no idea what day it is what what's going on. Friday. I remember that because that's the day I'm in love. Oh, okay. Monday, you can fall apart. Tuesday, Wednesday, break my heart. Thursday, hey, doesn't even start. Did you fart?

Should we get to Noah? Sure. Get to Noah. Saturday, wait. Sunday always comes too late. It's nonsense, this song. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not a practical guide for how to run your life day to day.

The Cure's practical life for how to run your life day to day. I have the Cure agenda. And just every day when I flip the page. Every Friday's a big part. I'm in love. Yeah. Saturday. Great. Saturday. Great.

Okay. Morgan, tell us about your hot mess life. What's going on? Oh, my God. What isn't going on? That's a good question. I've been, what have I been doing? I've been spaying cats.

I've been, I mean, not myself. I'm not. Yeah, I was like, oh, so you've moved on in the world. How many cats have you been spaying cats. I mean, not myself. I'm not. Yeah, I was like, oh, so you blew up in the world. How many cats have you been spaying? Well, just one yesterday. Spaying is the girl one? That's right. We have a mama foster cat and her six babies.

A mummified cat. No. No. Take good care. You spayed the mama? Yes. The kittens are not old enough to be. Not the mama. No longer the mama. Not You spayed the mama. Yes. The kittens are not old enough to be. Not the mama.

No longer the mama. Not going to be a mama anymore. Okay. Yeah, we have her and her six kittens that gave birth at our house. Now, with a neuter, they just suck them right out, right? Don't they vacuum out those little dog nards, dog and cat nards? I just had a by-mouth image in my head. That's just as horrifying.

I don't think suck them is... I don't know. I've never been part of the procedure. I've never brought a dog to me. You've never been invited in. No, no, no. I'll let you know next time. And the neuter, I mean the spay, are they tying tubes?

Are they cementing up the old ovaries? That's a great question. What do they do in there? I think they remove something. Yeah. But yeah, it's a different, it's more involved for the ladies because the guys, it's just a little incision and a little twisting out. Yeah.

And the ladies, it's all. Yeah, there's that on her tummy. There's an actual incision and get in there. Say goodbye to your womb. Yeah. So, yeah, with dogs, they actually like, they remove the. You mean with males? Yeah, males.

Yeah. But with dogs, like, I don't know if it's with cats because I've never seen a cat's. Penis? Penis. So I don't know. I know dogs, the balls are gone. Yeah. No, it's the same. But they don't do that with humans is what i'm saying they don't just take your balls away they can why well if they want you to be like a good singer oh yeah yeah castrato if they what do they do uh what else

if uh isn't there some kind of like old-timey soldiers? Like onward Christian soldiers? Am I thinking of Game of Thrones? I think that's different. I think that's a removal of a little more than we're talking about. Is it not? I don't know. I stopped watching.

Yeah, me too. But with human men, they just snip a thing. Yeah, well, it's the same. They don't. Okay. What do they snip, Graham? Whatever it's called. The fast deferents.

Yeah. Someone paid attention in grade 11 biology. Yeah, look, I couldn't. I think it's deferens, not deferons. It's not a robot. Viva la deferens. I've asked deferens to your knowledge on the subject. Anyways, she's not going to have any more babies,

is the important part. She's wearing a little sock. She was freaking out in the cone, and so we cut the toes off an old sock and put it on her, so she's got this very stylish tube dress on now. That she gets from her parents. Yeah, exactly. It's what all of the recently spayed cats are wearing on the runways this season.

How many cats are living in your house currently? Oh, jeez. Okay, well, we have five cats of our own and our dog, Bunbury, and then Misty, the foster mom, and her six kittens. So 12. And plus there's 101 Dalmatians. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Yeah, there's a lot of pets in my house right now. And they're at the crazy kitten age where they're just, people don't, they think, oh, kittens are so cute. They're like puppies, though. They chew. They chew through my Mac power cord to the tune of like $100 and whatever. They chew everything. They climb everything. They wreck everything. They're just monsters.

But they're adorable, though. They're so cute. That's why we do it. That's why we all foster cats. How many cats are you fostering right now? I'm wearing this big bulky cardigan. He's got a couple in the pocket. A couple in each pocket and there's an inside pocket.

And Dave also has a couple in a teacup. Mm-hmm. And I'm wearing one of those beer helmets. A beer helmet. Yeah. And there's two kittens in there. Oh, it's so cute. You joke, but I do have a hoodie with an extra big pouch at the front.

I don't joke. I know cat people are strapping cats to themselves. But it has a little, I can carry a cat around in the front. Are you cat-like? Do you think you've gained any cat essence? No. Are you like a cat woman? No.

No. Are you quick on your feet? No. Are you quiet when you move woman? No. No. Are you quick on your feet? No. Are you quiet when you move around? No. What else do cats do? Do you stare at things for a long time? That I do.

Mostly the wall and cry silently. Do you eat wet food? do you eat wet food? Um, uh, yes, but I will break into a cupboard for some crunchy treats. Uh, if it is accidentally left a little bit open,

I feel like that's dog or cat. Yeah, it's true. Yeah, it's true. Um, so 12 cats. And then where,

where do they, where do these little kittens go? Where, where do they. Like right now or next? Well, when they graduate. Oh, I got a great idea. You know, because in your house, there must be cats everywhere.

Yeah. And you want to like take a cat from one place to another. Yeah. You got to install those like tubes, those like mail tubes. Yeah. From old timey offices. What is that? Like not hydraulics.

What is it? It's a... Pneumatic? Yeah, pneumatic. Is it pneumatic? Yeah. It is pneumatic. Yes. What is it? It's a- Pneumatic? Yeah, pneumatic. Is it pneumatic? Yeah. It is pneumatic. Yes.

You did it. Okay. I don't think, I don't believe it. You guys are impressing me with your terminology today. First of the testicle business. Vazdeferins. Yeah. But where do the kittens go?

So right now, they're in our kitten room. Oh, you have a kitten room. We have a kitten. Well, they're now running around the house because they're old enough and they hang out with our cats and stuff like that. But before that, they hang out in the kitten room. How old is old enough? And how long do you have these cats? So we've had them since birth because we got them when she was pregnant.

And like two, three days after we got her, she gave birth. And I cut some little umbilical cords and everything. It was pretty exciting, I guess. Well, that's gross. Yeah. Yeah. I was just going to ask, how gross is this birthing process? It's a miracle.

Oh, yeah. But some miracles are gross. Yeah. No, it was, I was very. If you hadn't been there, does the cat bite the umbilical cord? Yes. And she did for most of them. But a couple of them, I think she was just, she had six kittens.

She was tired. She was full. Yeah. Too much. Well, no, but, okay. Is this too gross to say? You can cut it out if it's too gross. But if they know that the kitten's not going to make it, like if it's sick or whatever,

they will eat them. They will eat them. Both. Okay. Cat eating its baby? That's all of the above. I think it's more sad than gross. I think it's pretty gross.

Well, it is also pretty sad. Definitely sad. Was there a placenta? Sorry, there was no eating of placenta. There was palenta of placenta. Enough for all. There was,

yes, and they eat the placenta. who doesn't? Right? I don't know. Actually, my ex-roommate, she had a baby

when we lived together. She planted? No, she never did, which she'd intended to. Uh-huh. And so, we put it, again, I just had a baby, you're tired, you're not going did what she'd intended to. And so we put it again.

I just had a baby. You're tired. You're not going to go plant a placenta. So we put it in a container. The ground's frozen. Right? Put it in a container in the freezer. Ah, okay.

And so every time I would open the freezer, I fell for it every time. Like I didn't learn. I would open it and be like, we have frozen yogurt. And I would open the container. She uses it and be like, we have frozen yogurt? And I would open the container. She uses a placenta. Oh, it was in a frozen yogurt container? Yeah, it was in a frozen yogurt container. It didn't resemble frozen yogurt.

Like an ice cream container or whatever? And I would get so, no, I wasn't, I didn't open it and go, mmm. They stored it on top of a cone. Yeah. You put some crumbled up Oreos on top of it? I was so excited every time. And then every time. Anyways, yeah.

So she never. And then when she moved out, I opened the freezer again one day. I was like, okay, listen. This is the last time you're fooling me. It's fine if you're not going to, you know, repaint your room. But you've got to take your placenta. Yeah. You're not going to get your placenta deposit back. What is the thing you guys are talking about planting?

Oh, here's what you can do with a placenta. Here are the options. Throw it at a friend. Spook them. Yeah. Play tricks in the freezer. Slap it on someone's windshield and really just put it under the windshield wiper. It makes such a satisfying smack sound.

You can encapsulate it. Yeah, I've heard of that. And have, uh, uh, you can, uh, encapsulate it. Yeah. I've heard of that. I have it made into pills that you can take. You can just flat out, eat it, cook it one way or another. You can, uh, uh, you can donate it and so that they can use the stem cells. Cells. Sure.

Um, or the cord blood, which some mothers and babies need. Or there may be other options, but you can also plant it and plant a tree, like plant it underground and plant a tree on top of it. And that tree is like in honor of your baby. That tree is your life, your baby's life tree. Right. Oh, okay. All right. Okay.

I don't like, I was just thinking the cord blood sounded like corblund. That's where I got distracted. Yeah,

and how do you feel about my ox blood corduroys? Stylish. You just reminded me that my same roommate when she had the baby at home,

this is my preparation for midwifing the kittens, I guess, is that there was a human baby born in our apartment. But when you have a midwife, as you know, you do go for a hospital visit just in case things end up going a little sideways and you do have to go to the hospital. Like if the baby comes out sideways. Then they're like, we've got to go to the hospital. We can't manage this. This baby looks like Sandra Oh from Sideways. Couldn't think of any of the male stars. Paul Giamatti!

I mostly couldn't think of Thomas Hayden's shirt. Right. So you have to go for a hospital visit, just so you're prepared in case that does happen, so that it isn't super stressful know, super stressful and alarming. And so we were walking through the maternity ward and they have all these little plaques of babies that were born there with the baby's names and little balloons on them or whatever. And every once in a while, there's very sad.

This legit is sad. A little memorial one, you know, in memory of that. And so we're walking and my roommate, who, you know, is like basically nine months pregnant, so out of her mind, to be fair, she, I notice that she's crying. I go, what, are you okay?

What's going on? She goes, she points at the blacks. It's so sad. I go, what's so sad? She goes, all these babies died. She thought they were all memorial ones.

And I was like, honey, why would they in the maternity ward just line the walls with plaques of dead babies? We're not a great maternity ward. I was like, oh, my God. That would be terrible. These are babies that died in the war. Yeah. Oh, man. Fighting for our country's babies.

So you were involved in the birth of a human creature. Yeah. I told you. I got a lot of stuff going on, you guys. Yeah. How long ago was this? That was a long time. That was like, maybe it was in the 90s. And we were all doing crazy stuff.

Oh, that's true. You were wearing a belly shirt. Yeah. We named our baby Delia after the catalog. Oh, wow. Yeah. No, I was her, I was her, I don't know, birth, not birth coach. I don't know, Lamaze partner or whatever. Yeah.

Partner, wow. Yeah, like I went to classes with her and did all that stuff. Oh, that's fun. Yeah. Huh. I mean, it's not fun. I mean, it's kind of fun. It seems like that would be the plot of a 90s movie where two friends, you know, help each other out and go to the Lamaze classes and, you know, come up with a birthing plan together.

They don't call it Lamaze anymore. They don't even do it anymore. They're like the breathing. They don't do the breathing? Like different patterns of breathing. We never. No, I don't. I don't really remember as well going out.

But yeah, I don't. Yeah. I think't, yeah. I think, you know what it was? It was the time on Full House when she was doing the breathing. Becky was giving birth to the twins and she was going. And then they went. We will. We will.

Yeah. No, you can still do it for artistic devices. Yeah, no, you can still do it for artistic devices. It's still, just like you can still, you know, listen to your answering machine messages out loud for dramatic, as a dramatic device. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyways, yeah, I've been spaying cats and.

Spaying cats and fraying bats. That's me. Well, a lot of vampires. Their outfits are too put together and so she pulls some threads out. Okay. Yeah.

Just to make it look a little more lived in. Yeah, lived in. Yeah. So that, well, that's a lot. I know.

Just that would be enough, you would think, right? But then also. Oh, my God. The lady show. Did you have something?

No, no. Okay. I know. It did sound leading Did you have something? No, no. Okay. I know it did sound leading, didn't it? Yeah. My kid fingering other kids. I feel like that leads to an explanation. Okay, without going into personal details that I shouldn't share, there was an altercation at school.

A kid called my kid a rude name, and my kid gave him the finger. And then things, hell broke loose. But so I got a phone call, and the teacher kept saying, kept phrasing it like, well, and so then your son fingered the other kid. He just kept saying, you know, I mean, kids finger other kids. And I was like, please stop saying that. We don't call home every time a kid fingers another kid, but we certainly don't encourage it. Oh, dear. Yeah.

So that's taken up my time. And once a kid's been fingered, you can't unfinger that kid. Am I right? Anyways, I've got ten more calls to make. Ten more fingering calls. Luckily, I've got ten fingers. to make. Ten more finger calls. Luckily, I've got ten fingers. I don't know what that means. Let me put you on speed dial.

Okay, goodbye, Mrs. Brayton. Do you remember when you were a kid when you realized that giving somebody the finger had some sort of weight to us? Because verbal swears were one thing, but like there was this just non-verbal. Yeah. No, what was that like? I just, I remember my childhood friend, Dave Cartwright. He learned it from his brother and he brought it to the class

and it caught like wildfire. Like, I mean, everybody was fingering everybody. I tell you. I remember there being a lot of different, like a lot of hand gestures that died out. Oh, yeah. Like bunny ears. No, I never see anyone doing that above age 10. The hang loose.

Sure. But we had a system of like, if you did bunny ears behind someone and you just started counting, that's how many girlfriends they had. So if I put bunny ears, I don't even need to count out loud. And then you see that I'm doing it,

I can tell you, I've been here 15 seconds. That's a lot of... You got a 15... The way you can stop me from doing that, putting your fist under your chin. What? And then...

Oh, man, there's so many rules. It's like that thing where, like, you know, you make a little circle with your thumb and forefinger and you hold it down at the bottom. Like an okay symbol, kind of. And then if someone spots it, you can punch them. What? I've never heard of this game.

I never did that game. But I think those are the rules. So you're trying to be as discreet as possible with the okay symbol. And they notice it, and then... They're allowed to punch you. No, you're allowed to punch them for noticing it. But if they notice it and you don't notice them notice it, they can put their finger in it, and then they get to punch you?

What is this? This is for real? I'm not kidding. This is something else. Is this a game you made up? their finger in it and then they get to punch you? Was this, this is for real? I'm not kidding. This is, isn't something else. Is this a game you made up? No,

I think this is a college, college kids game that I never was a part of, but. Wow. I love it. I love how many rules there are.

But anyway, back to fingering. Yeah. What's it like and what am I doing wrong? Well, I'll get my son to give you a call. Oh, God. Yeah. Yeah, it like and what am I doing wrong? Well, I'll get my son to give you a call.

Oh, God. Yeah. Yeah, so you're busy on the go. Yeah. And you just, the lady show just happened. We just did the lady show on Wednesday. We determined today is Friday, so my math, that was two days ago. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. And that's your live comedy. That is. Endeavor. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. And that's your live comedy endeavor. That is, yes. Exactly. With myself, Katie Ellen Humphries, Fatima Do-Re, and Diana Bang. And then we have various guests of a show. So, yeah.

And you, you sell these hats. Oh, the hats are so good. And Kyle Bottom, past guest, he wore one of your hats on national TV. Oh, that's right i forgot yeah he he met he had to get approval they had to get approval from me for him to wear it like um yeah that would have been so great if you were like nope his hair would have been so bad what could have been yeah no he did that's right i forgot about that yeah no they're sweet they're so they're sweet sweet They're sweet, sweet hats.

They look so cool. They are. I think I've mentioned it before. It's like the only merch I see on people who are like, I don't know. Yeah. Like I see it on like, I don't know that person walking down the street and they're wearing my friend's hat. My friend bought eight hats for her niece who was getting. Who has eight heads.

Is that a hydra? No. For her niece, because she misunderstood Hanukkah. Gotta get you eight of everything? Oh, dear. She was getting married in Ontario, so has never seen the lady show,

but she and all her bridesmaids wore lady show hats for, like, not in the, not Kevin Federline and Britney Spears in the ceremony. Did they wear pimps and hoes? Whatever. That's what I was thinking of. Jackets? I think they were tracksuits.

Oh, yeah. But, yeah, so for the whole wedding party, who'd never seen the show, but are like, this wedding, the lady show. Yeah, which I thought was great. That's nice. Yeah, it's cool, right? Yeah. People like to wear them even if they haven't seen the show because they're cool hats and the logo's cool.

After they see the show, do they throw the hat away? Then they don't wear them anymore, yeah. We try to keep people away if they wear the show. I saw one in the garbage. You did not. I did, I absolutely did. Are you kidding me? No saw it in the garbage. You did not. I did. I absolutely did. Are you kidding me?

No it was Alicia's. And she said that Hank had her dog had chewed it up. See you guys are reminding me of things because I was going to replace that hat.

So okay thank you. I got to make some notes. Email Kyle Bottoms send Alicia a new hat. You don't need to replace someone's hat. Well we didn't do it

for anybody but Alicia. Yeah yeah yeah. And you know but don't need to replace someone's hat. Well, we didn't do it for anybody but Alicia. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, you know, but don't send her as a, like, delicious as a hat. Like, yeah, that one was spiced just right. Yeah, yeah. Don't send it, like, in a bag of dog treats. Got it. And, yeah, there's never been, I'm trying to think, like, like you say,

there's no merchandise of anybody that I've ever known that people have worn and not been specifically a fan of the thing. So you really, you've locked onto something here. You know, they just look cool. They're way cooler than any of us. When we first got them, Katie sent me a message and said, this hat has turned me into the person I always wanted to be. I was like, yeah, it looks really good on you. She in particular, she rocks it in particular. Yeah.

Yeah. So yeah, and we sold a ton of hats. We had a great audience at Packed House on Wednesday and sold a ton of hats. So you'll be seeing even more, hopefully not in the garbage. It was a great show. Super fun. I played Burton Cummings. You played in the garbage. It was a great show. Super fun. I played Burton Cummings. You played what?

I played Burton Cummings. Oh, okay. Doing what? What was, what is he, has he been in the news lately? Yeah. Where have you guys been? I don't know. Not on BurtonCummings.com, I guess.

Burton Cummings, lead singer of the Guess Whom. Yeah. And he's been like, he lives in Winnipeg. He hangs out. He doesn't anymore. After his mother passed away, he sold his property in Winnipeg. I have, if you have any Burton Cummings questions, I can help you. He sold his Winnipeg mansion for $10,000.

Right. I bought it. I'm just keeping some stuff there. I, okay, so. Where does he live now? Well, he lives in LA. But he also has property on vancouver island okay yeah um i uh i'm a bit obsessive about things uh so when i get into something then i it just it kind of takes over my life so after the edmonton fringe have i been on the show since i

went to the edmonton fringe you were on the show 53 weeks ago. Yeah. So no. I can't do that math. No. Anyways, Edmonton Fringe was a shit show for me. And. Was it for you as well?

Yeah, we talked about it. Okay. I couldn't remember which one was the shit show. Yeah. It was a rough ride. It was a rough ride. Oh, but the rough ride. No.

I want to apologize to our listeners who don't know what's going on right now. We don't either. Anyways, so here's what happened is that after the Edmonton Fringe, which has gotten very, very big, and people who, it's, what? Stop. I'm laughing because it's a shit show, you said. It wasn't. It's gotten very, very big and very, very shitty. No, no, no. It's very popular. So popular that you

really have to have insanely good, like an insanely marketable show in order for it to do well, I think. And so I started, first of all, saying I was going to do my

next show at the Edmonton Fringe, Hamilton Cats. There you go. A combination of Hamilton and Cats. It would be a huge hit. And so I started making jokes about like, oh, I'm going to do something. And then there was a cats would be a huge hit. And so I started

making jokes about like, oh, I'm going to do something. And then there was a guy at the Vancouver Fringe, I think he did other fringes as

well, that did Fifty Shades of Dave, that was a Stuart McLean but telling dirty stories, erotic stories about Dave and Morley.

That's good. It's good. Keep to your roots, Dave. And that did huge. And I was like, good. It's good. Can you keep to your roots, Dave? Not my roots, man. And that did huge. And I was like, okay, fuck that guy. I'm going to do a show, a very Canadian show.

I'm going to do My Own Way to Rock, the Burton Cummings story, in which I will play Burton Cummings. Yeah. Various mustaches. And I started making jokes about this. So then I started doing some Burton Cummings research, as you do. And then I just became obsessed. So I went out to, he was just here. When did he have different mustaches?

It's always been the same mustache, hasn't it? Yeah, sort of sometimes long, sometimes, do you say wider, longer? I don't know the mustache terminology I'm going to defer to you, Graham. Both of those terms are acceptable, but they mean different things. Longer would be

over his mouth. Wider would be across his face. Okay, so, yeah. Wider. Yeah. But yeah, you know, you're right.

He hasn't had, like, you know, tetsuro shimatsu. He doesn't have, like, rolly fingers. Yeah. And then for a while it was a handle.

Right. And then Hitler. Just one side for a couple of years. Then one of those thin French ones. He did. I just, I watched this video where he shaved off his mustache and cut his hair short.

Unrecognizable. Oh really? It didn't last long. He was in a bad, he was in a bad period. He turned to the camera and the mustache had already reappeared. It had regrown. Anyway,

so I started making jokes about doing this and then I was like, actually, I'm going to fucking do that show. And so I've been doing a lot of Burton had my crone. Anyway, so I started making jokes about doing this and then I was like, actually I'm going to fucking do that show. And so I've been doing a lot of Burton Cummings research.

I drove out to New West to see, that's not super far, but anyways, I went to the Burton Cummings library. Where he is the librarian.

He commutes over on the ferry from the island every day to run the library. Burton Cummings Library. I don't know why that strikes me so funny. I mean, he's probably a guy who can read. Yeah.

So there's nothing weird there. I think the fact that they're our presidential library. Yeah, he's at the Burton Cummings Library. In a city he's not from. What was in New West? Burton Cummings Concert. Oh, okay. Just him and his piano. At the casino? No, it was at the Burton Cummings Library. In the city he's not from. What was in New West? Burton Cummings Concert. Oh, okay. Just him.

At the casino? And his piano. No, it was at the, what's it called? The Raymond Burr Theater? Is that the one? No. Yeah, there's the Raymond Burr Theater. Yeah, so saw him live.

Wow. With my wife, who's American. So she didn't grow up with... She's an American woman exactly she didn't grow up with mandatory uh guess who on the radio exactly the can con and and just enjoy like just always with the specter of Burton Cummings over our shoulders as Canadians yeah his mustache why was he always behind me? He was carrying you. In a baby Bjorn. Oh dear.

So anyways, so for the lady show this week, I didn't, you know, I don't have this show idea yet. I'm still in the research phase, but I wanted to do something for the coming years. So I did this.

I'm going to get a Canada Council grant and spread it out as long as possible. So I did sort of a reimagining of Burton Cummings songs in which I played Burton Cummings and said I wanted to share some of the true meanings behind some of the songs

that everybody knows but they don't really know because they don't know the story behind. And so I'm scared that his famous song, I'm scared. I don't know.

You do so. I know. That's the I'm scared I don't know you do so I know that's the thing with Burton Cummings is you'll hear songs and you'll be like oh that's a Burton Cummings song is this specifically

solo songs that was off that was off a solo album yes wasn't these eyes was a solo no it's the who that was a guess

yeah I realize you can't just call them the who because that's another band it is anyway so so well okay so

my own backyard you know that your own yeah what is it your backyard oh your backyard I don't know him

I don't know that song I know I'm scared okay so there you go sing I'm scared I was working in the lab. Oh, it's scary. Uh, yeah. So.

Do you know I'm scared? I'm pretty sure I know I'm scared. It's like a. Lord, I'm shaking. I'm terrified. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared.

I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared.

I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared.

I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared.

I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared.

I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared.

I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared.

I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm a judge on religion, but I sure enough just fell down on my knee. You know the one. Running back to Saskatoon, I know that. Yeah, I didn't do that one, but I did. That's solo? That's guess who. That's guess who.

Played a bit of I'm scared. I don't know any of his solo. Oh, you've got some research to do. Well, it was one of. For your one man show about Burton Cummings. If you get it to the stage before me, I'm going to be so mad. I know his, I know Stand Tall. Yes, which I explained as Burton Cummings was a song.

Do you do a voice? Not really. Not really. He's not super distinctive, you know. He says certain things a lot, so I kind of did that. But he explained that. He says certain things a lot. He says, in the concert

yeah white power please Mr. Cummings is my father call me Burton you know his middle name is Ernie

it is not it's Lionel Burton Ernie told you I know too many things Burton Ernie Cummings oh boy good

oh dear anyways this has gone horribly awry so I Thanks for learning Cummings. Oh, boy. Thomas in downtown Manhattan. It's a place where a lot of people feel the spirit and feel really very overwhelmed with the magnitude of it all. And I didn't. I went back to my hotel room and I ordered room service and turned on the TV and that movie Children of the Corn was on. And holy crap, is that a scary movie. I mean, I was terrified. And I wrote this song. So things like that. That's funny,

but it also, I couldn't tell, like, if maybe that was something he actually said in the cover. The first part is true. That is,

the song is written about the Cathedral of St. Thomas. The other part may not be true. You have, I think you and Burton have like a similar hairstyle too. That is part of it.

Well, yeah, not now, but. You know his, when I saw him, he's got like little gray flecks happening. So I think. Yeah, you know, he uses. I do think that. He uses Just for Men a hint of gray. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you're right.

He comes through before every performance. I do have his Guess Who era hair though. Yeah. Yeah. This is a show. I would go see Guess Who era hair though. Yeah. Yeah. This is a show. I would go see that show. Stand tall. Was there in the show?

Stand tall. Nice. Very good. Careful. All right. Yeah. God's like, don't go and do something foolish.

I love when he puts too many words into a bar. It's one of my favorite things that he does. Anyhow, I love it when anyone does it. Right. That was a song

that he wrote during a brief period when he thought he might want to be a chiropractor and thought, how can I get people to be serious

about spinal health? And he wrote that song. The anti-scoliosis council. Yeah. So yeah, I did that nonsense. That's great. It was so, so stupid.

Just so, so stupid and fun. Yeah. The audience, are they all 50 and above? Only 47. Let's not push it. No, I just mean to get the jokes. No, I know. Exactly.

Exactly. Our audience is really diverse in every way possible, including ages. So, yeah, there were probably some confused folks. Sure. But you know what? You don't need to know the thing to get the joke. Yeah, you don't have to. To think it's funny.

You don't have to play to the, you know, to the dullards. No, but also if you have ever listened to the radio in Canada, you know, those songs, they're just everywhere. Yeah. It's very, it was very much,

uh, like when, uh, when Gord Downie passed away, like I knew a lot more tragically hip songs than I, than you realized. Yeah. I thought I did.

Yeah. Cause they were playing just on the CBC, like nonstop. And I was like, I know a hundred percent of these songs. You're trying to do those singing along. Yeah. Yeah. I know 100% of these songs. You're trying to sell singing along? Yeah, yeah. I know the words to these songs.

It's just in your brain. Exactly. Yeah. Dave. Huh? What's going on with you, man? Well, hockey season is back on, guys. Hockey game.

Hockey game. So I've been going to a few hockey games. Now, you know, I love the crack of the bat. Yeah. The smell of the grass. Peanuts. Cracker Jacks. The, you know, the bloomers that they were.

And a lot of these players have weird nicknames. That's true. Yeah. That's true. For instance, our left winger. Who? The centerman? What's his name?

Goalie. Yeah. That guy. Yeah. Guess who's on first? I was trying to do a guess who. It didn't work. Did you ever see Burton Cummings' controversial national anthem performance?

I just watched a clip of something, but I don't think it was the controversial one. So no, what's that? I think he like added a verse or left out a verse. Added a verse. And there's no verses in our national anthem. Sounds like something they do. But anyway, I've been going to hockey games and there's a few things that are going on.

Yeah. First of all, food's always great. Yep. Gotta get a hot dog. Footlong? I had a footlong. Yeah. First of all, food's always great. Yep. Gotta get a hot dog. Footlong? I had a footlong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then I had a regular.

Now, with a footlong hot dog, at what point do you get like, where are you like, I'm sick of this, I don't want to finish it? Never. Never. Okay. One footlong? Yeah. I could do, I don't like you could do your own height

in hot dogs I wouldn't say that not in a one sitting no okay I mean maybe my seated height yeah okay

yeah but I could do like a foot long hot dog it's gone before I can even consider whether it was a bad idea have you ever been

in a hot dog eating contest no would you like to have one? No. I eat fast, but I don't, I'm not like a volume guy. Right. Like I can eat one hot dog very fast. So it's more of a race to one hot dog.

I'm less of like a hot dog marathoner and more of like an Usain Bolt. Yes. Yeah. And you were previously, you were a hot dog marathoner and more of like an Usain Bolt. Yes. Yeah. And you were previously, you were a hot dog marathoner. And then one coach was like, let's see how fast you can put down one. And then the rest is history. And I married that guy. Yeah.

And if you like, I'm pretty sure I've, speaking speaking of hot dogs I'm sure I've eaten some placenta oh man the things you have eaten in hot dogs yeah but yeah a couple things

are going on in arenas now that you need to know about okay now during our national anthem people yell stuff oh like Rocky Horror Picture Show

well last year I went yeah last year like in to... Yeah. Last year... Like in a bingo game, like... And after!

No, yeah. It's like in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Like a light bulb. Yeah, exactly. Okay, I was thinking you were talking about that animated movie. I was like, I don't remember anybody yelling things. Okay, I'm caught up now.

They'll yell. Well, last year I saw a game against Winnipeg, the aforementioned Winnipeg team. Jets, I know that. And they went,

during the part of the national anthem, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, are true nor strong and free. The people who are from Winnipeg will yell, true north. Weird. Oh.

During those words. And now someone always yells it, even if we're not playing Winnipeg. Huh. Oh, but it started in Winnipeg. Maybe, yeah. I thought you were going to say they yell, bum, bum, bum, bum. That's what I always want to do on that part. Oh, true, you are strong and free, bum-ba-ba-bum.

Yeah. Huh. So is that making the anthem more fun? Anthem is plenty fun. Yeah, that's true. You get to stand. You get to sing along. Anthem engagement is through the roof.

Do you think we have a good flag? Yeah. I think so, through the roof. Do you think we have a good flag? Yeah. I think so too. Yeah. Simple. I saw, I think some people were making fun of our

flag on the internet. Why? Because it's got a leaf on it? I think people, I saw, maybe I, this was a while ago, I saw a ranking of the flags

and I was within last place. Last place? Yeah. No. Worst flag. Who has that kind of time on their hands to be ranking flags?

Vloggers. Oh my God. I'm so tired and people have time to rank flags? Jesus Christ. What about flags that are just like two colors or like a bar and another bar and another bar? Like, that's not a good flag, is it? No, I always confuse all those ones because they're too similar. Who else has a maple leaf in the middle?

Nobody. Nobody. You tell ours. What was the top flag? It's got to be Mexico's because it's got that, it's got like an eagle like fighting a snake. And biting it. Yeah. Charlie has a big bit about this flag.

That's right. But it's a pretty badass flag. Yeah. It's like a tattoo turned into a flag. Yes. Pretty badass flag. Yeah. It's like a tattoo turned into a flag.

Yes. So, yeah, there's like people are bringing things from their cities and adding it to our anthem. Yeah. There's a thing that I think it happened maybe in Detroit where like one time they were playing Don't Stop Believing. And then the game started and so the PA stopped playing Don't Stop Believing. And then the game started and so the PA stopped playing Don't Stop Believing. And the audience just kept singing it. And Al Gore walked out. No, is that Al Gore?

Whose song was that? I don't know. Tony Soprano? No, it was a politician's. I think it was Al Gore's song that he came out to. Yeah, I believe it. Don't Stop Believing. Oh, I believe it. Don't stop believing. Oh, no, it's Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow.

Sorry. And that was Bill Clinton. Okay. See, I know nothing about American politics, clearly. But do you think that that should be America's new anthem? Well, now, but now, in our arena, they do that. Like, the audience will just keep singing that. I think you should have your own distinctive things. Arena to arena.

Yeah. Like Vancouver was the first place anyone ever waved a white towel. Okay. But now everywhere it does. It's a source of pride. And we had those guys, those green guys.

We had those green guys, sure. And the other thing I've noticed now is kids, if you put a kid on the, like from age seven to 12, you put a kid on the Jumbotron, they will dab. That's all they know how to do. They get a little older, they start fingering each other.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Oh, man. If they showed, like, an 11-year-old kid and that kid gave the finger to the whole stadium, that would be the best thing. That would just be the best. I can't think of anything better whole stadium, that would be the best thing. That would just be the best. I can't think of anything better. No, it would be good.

Like a kid who just, like, this is it. Yeah, here's my big moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sure that would make it into the news because it would be just... He'd get fired from his job. Yeah. I was going to say he lost his paper route, but he lost his blog.

Yeah, so kids, but like, are they showing, is that what kids are supposed to do? Or what are they supposed to do? They're not supposed to like. I don't know what you're supposed to do. You wave, you like, if there's music playing, you dance. That's fun. They like to see people dance. Yeah.

And do they do Kiss Cam? Or is that? I haven't seen it this year. Yeah, Kiss Cam's always like. I didn't know there was rules around what you're. I just. There's no rules. Kids are dabbing.

Well, I know, but I've never dabbed in my life. This is why I don't go to hockey games. Neither have I. It's too much pressure. I don't know what to do if the camera goes on me. But you're not an 11-year-old. So then I really don't know what to do. I know to dab. I don't go to hockey games. Neither have I. It's too much pressure. I don't know what to do if the camera goes on me. But you're not an 11-year-old. So then I really don't know what to do. I know to dab.

I don't know how. I know what you do. Give him the finger. Yeah. That's surefire. That's going to work. I think I'm just going to employ that just in general in life when I don't know what to do. Just start flipping people off.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'll work out well for me. The one time I was on the Jumbotron when I was a kid, I was in the second row at a Vancouver Grizzlies game and a cameraman walked right up to me and put the camera in my face and I looked right up at the Jumbotron and I could just see up my nostrils because I was looking up at the Jumbotron. I bet you were very uncomfortable. Were you uncomfortable with the proximity of the man and being on the big screen? No, I think I was excited. I was a little ham kid. Really?

Yeah. But you didn't do a funny wave or anything? No. Nah. It is very satisfying. It's always been very subtle, Dave, even as a child. I think this was right around adolescence like right around puberty

and I was maybe like okay let's reel it in Dave no one likes you you're not cute anymore yeah yeah yeah the teenage years are gonna be rocky

enough older kids have told me they're gonna beat me up when I get to high school so oh yeah forgotten about that that was yeah

that was a real i remember oh boy school yeah the first day of like going to middle school and having the eldest kids like kind of storm the field and like you're dead and just being like oh no oh god yeah or like my my siblings like much older friends who aren't even going to be at the school being like, I just know you're going to get beaten up. This isn't going to go well for you. Oh, boy. Teenagers are the worst. I just, I feel like as a parent of a teenager like

can we I just want to ship him off to an island and get him back when he's 20 well that's what they did with

Lord of the Flies and look what happened there they all made it back except for one a spoiler that's pretty good yeah but I didn't

say which one I don't know Lord of the Flies I'm guessing it's Piggy you're correct I know enough to know that Piggy's the one that they don't like so much. Yeah, yeah. Piggy was warned.

If we ever get stranded on an island, you're in big trouble. Yeah. So that's me going to hockey. Fun. Participating with the crowd. Yay. I went with past guest Pat Kelly. Oh, yeah.

And after those people yelled, Drew North, we just kept, like, emphasizing random words, which is maybe not the most, like, respectful thing to do during the anthem, but just like, The! Yeah, I don't, uh, whatever. How come they always pick songs that are super hard to sing? Like, Don't Stop Believing is not... Like, hold on to that beat. Like, that's really high.

Why can't they pick songs that we can all sing? Why do they always pick songs that are... I don't think they necessarily make it all the way to the chorusing out at the end. But isn't that the part that they would sing? Don't stop believing. But no,

they would sing Everyone Knows All the Words. Yeah, that's another song that I don't know why I know the words. I've never actively listened to that song. I don't think I knew

the words before 2008. Because of the supremacy. Maybe, yeah. Yeah, but it's a song like I know, yeah, I know the words but it's a song like I know yeah I know the words but I don't know why I know the words

right like I don't know any other Journey songs yeah the fuck man speaking of my song my song got very into Journey for a while

because his previous years ago when he was much smaller he went to a school that had as their school song they had rewritten Don't Stop Believing had as their school song, they had rewritten.

Don't stop believing to be their school song. So I was saying the school was founded in 1911. He had rewritten it to be stop believing. Yes, stop believing. So, uh, school was founded in 1911.

I know that because of the song. Cause it went 1911. Kindergarten through grade 7 laughter oh boy laughter laughter oh dear

but it was actually I can't remember the other words but it would make me cry every time it was very moving oh really yeah not with laughter well that part always the kindergarten

through grade 7 part always gave me a chuckle but yeah so that was his introduction to Journey and then he wanted to know more about them and then he

took him to the library the Journey Memorial Library in New Westminster I think I probably do know more Journey songs But they're not They weren't as ubiquitous On Classic Rock Radio

As say The Guess Who Yeah yeah yeah Because it's not CanCon Oh boy What's going on with you? Speaking of Great Canadian bands

This past weekend I went out to the city Of Chilliwack Oh And Gun gun gun Chibi gun So long chibi Gun, gun, gun, jibby gun, so long, jibby. Gun, gun, gun, so long.

Sorry, I'm still singing. And myself and past guest Erica Sigurdsson went and did a show at a nice theater out there at the Chilliwack Cultural Arts Center. Oh. The Raymond Burr? Yeah. All of Oh. And. The Raymond Burr? Yeah. All of our theaters are named after Raymond Burr. All of our libraries named after famous 70s and 80s. There was, there's a Michael J. Fox Theater too, isn't there?

In Burnaby, where he's from. Yeah. So the first thing was Erica was driving a car like her her car was in the shop so they'd given her this replacement what do you call it? a loaner, courtesy car and it was like it had

super new functions in it like it would tell you if somebody was in your blind spot like it would just start alarming and it would tell like you didn't actually have to check your blind spot ever you could just cruise over one lane to the other and uh and then she sent me a text yesterday that now that she has her regular car back she has been just swerving indiscriminately all over the road um but first of all, I didn't know Chilliwack was that far away.

Yeah. I thought it was much closer to Vancouver. It's post, it's after Abbotsford? Yeah. It's way, it's,

it's, there's just, it's mostly farmland when you get out there. And then we were in the one pocket where there was kind of all of the stuff. Is it the last,

is it the last place before Hope? Yeah, I think so and then like we were everything was in this place the hockey arena the football stadium

the theater like it was all in one block yeah did you go to the British sweet shop? no there was there were advertisements

for it yeah backstage at this yeah they had flyers for it. I met those two. I hosted an event for Knowledge Network that I do stuff for at a movie theater and, you know, met a bunch of knowledge partners. And those two, they were there with their brochures and they were like out of, you know, what's that British soap opera that everybody watches? Coronation Street?

Yeah. They looked like they had walked off of Coronation Street. Adorable. Like these little 80s. She had this beautiful little flowery dress. They were ridiculous. And they were promoting their sweet shop. And I got pretty excited.

They've got all kinds of like British pies and stuff there. Yeah. Yeah. Like it's weird that they had ads backstage for that particular one place you know in Chilliwack. Right?

Yeah. Those people probably forced their way in and just left their brochures there. They were very, they were on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They were lovely, but they were intense. Yeah. And backstage at the show, they had a, which we didn't, we didn't ask for, but it was nice. They had a fruit basket of the most inaccessible fruit that you could possibly imagine. You need a coconut. Yeah.

It was just shy of having a coconut in it. A cantaloupe. It had a pineapple. Okay. It had a pineapple. Okay. It had kiwi fruit, which is a tough one. And then it had several pomegranates. Oh, wow.

Yeah. They were making you work for it. If you and Erica both go on stage with just purple fingers. Oh, hey guys. But they've had

the same fruit basket for like six years. It's the same one because nobody ever breaks into that stuff. They're like, well, I can't. I they've had the same fruit basket for like six years. It's the same one because nobody ever breaks into that stuff. They're like, well, I can't. I've got a show to do. I can't work on a pomegranate for half an hour. So they never have to buy a new one. Yeah, they can't core a pineapple.

No. So, yeah, it was one of my favorite things I've ever seen backstage. It was just like the most inaccessible. What was this show? It was the Cultural Center wanted to do a comedy show. Huh. And so there were local comedians from Chilliwack that I've never met before. And they did sets and they were funny.

And then Erica and I closed out the show. We did our classic duo. Your two-person act. You know, there's a lot of weird nicknames in Chilliwack. And then, yeah, just to kill time backstage, we played catch with one of the pomegranates. And it never went. Still never even cracked?

No, no, no, no. It never went soft. It got a little bit pulpy, but you can play catch a long time with a pomegranate. I never go soft playing catch. I'm trying to, I was just trying to find a picture because I think when I was doing a play called The Number 14 that we played at the, not the Evergreen, that's, I can't remember the name of them, but I played that theater. Yeah. And that's, I can't remember the name of them, but I've played that theater. Yeah.

And I have a picture of Scott Walters and my castmates sitting behind with his legs spread with the pineapple in his crotch that I just posted, reposted recently. I'm telling you, it's the same basket. So do you think it's just the basket that they prepare? Yeah. I don't think they were trying to punk you. I was worried that our show was too Canadian at the beginning. But now that we've zeroed in onto one block of Chilliwack. Not even really a whole block. Because then there's also the restaurants on the other side. So half a block.

Half a block of Chilliwack. But now if your guests from other countries come to visit Chilliwack, they know. Which they always do. Yeah. And they say, what should I do? I say, go to Corky's. Right? Corky's Irish Pub. Listen to Fly at Night. Listen to

Gone So Long. Listen to that like 60s song they had before they were Chilliwack. That was like, Purple. Oh, that's them? They were a different name. Huh. I think that's them. That is some obscure Chilliwack trivia.

I don't know. I know the song you're talking about. Yeah, yeah. Huh. Anyways, so now you know everything that there is to know about Chilliwack, both the place and the band. Yeah. Do we want to move on to Overheard?

Sure. Sure. Hi, everybody. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middlest brother, Travis McElroy. And I'm your sweet baby oldest brother Justin McElroy I'm your middlest brother Travis McElroy and I'm your sweet baby brother Griffin McElroy

me and 3000 of your closest friends just found your next podcast obsession Serial okay but like the second best podcast 99%

Serial oh f*** just listen to my brother my brother and me on MaximumFun.org there you go perfect perfect thank you Oh, f***. Just listen to my brother, my brother and me on MaximumFun.org. There you go. Perfect. Perfect. Thank you. shows? We've got brand new items in stock at maxfunstore.com. So why not stock up on gear

that shows off the podcast you love? maxfunstore.com It's good stuff. We swear. Overheard. Overheard. It's a segment where we see or hear things out there in the great yonder.

And then we come to the great hither. And we all discuss them as a team. Overheard. Here we go. Yonder? I know. Hither and yawn. Hither and yawn.

But is yawn not yonder? That's what I'd never thought of it before. But I think you're right that it's just like abbreviating like gorge and adorbs. It's just yawn. Hither, yawn, adorbs. Just hipsters who can't say all the words. Would you like to lead the charge?

Oh, sure. It's more of a hither overheard because I often overhear remarkable things in my own home. And recently our son, as you do when you're a dumb teenager, lighting Lego on fire in his room. How do you do that? It's not that flammable, is it? Melting it, I guess.

Yeah. Add the window open and a fan on it for safety. Buy your drapes. That sounds like a good idea. Anyhow. I'd just blow that burning Lego right out the window. Oh, God. I keep reminding myself,

his brain's not fully developed until he's 25. His brain's not fully developed until he's 25. Oh, is that true? Yeah. Oh, yeah, your brain keeps going until 25. That's when you're cooked and you're done. Oh, boy. And then it just starts falling.

Yeah, it's as good as it gets. Exactly. And then it starts to pickle. And then, if you're me, it just goes to shit. My wife said today, because I keep forgetting everything, and she said, I think you need some fucking ginkgo balboa or something. I was like, that's not what I need. Maybe it's what I need, though.

Rocky's uncle. Asian uncle. Maybe it's what I need, though. Rocky's uncle. Asian uncle. Ginkgo Balboa. Ginkgo Balboa. Balboa, babe. Oh, dear. Anyways, okay. I honestly was like, were those her overheards?

Was the burning Lego and the Ginkgo Balboa? Those count? Yeah, those are both good overheards. Oh, do they? Well, then just pick the best one and use it. But I overheard my wife with my son as we often do, threatening him,

telling him that, telling him if we all die in a fire, I'm going to come back as a ghost and haunt you and your offspring for the rest of eternity. Like that would dissuade him. in a fire, I'm going to come back as a ghost and haunt you and your offspring for the rest of eternity. Like that would dissuade him.

Yeah. But if you survive the fire. Well, that is what will happen. Right. Yeah. Well, he'll be the first to see it and I'll jump out the window. Yeah.

And because he likes to climb the sides of buildings so he would be out and safe. Wow, young Spider-Man. Ever since that weird bug bite showed up on his hand. Dave, do you have an overheard? This one's from Hither.

It was in New Zealand with Hither Locklear. Wait, I thought that was your South African impression. This is a little bit of Hither. This is the African in New Zealand. Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it? On the Wiggles, this is my overheard, but on the Wiggles, there are these

Australian... Wigglers. Well, no, they're like a rock band. And they have a song. Every song they have, every episode, they need to call a doctor. And they always rhyme it with, you know, optometrist, we hear you're the best. Which I don't think is how Australians even talk.

My overheard is from a child. This is from my niece. My niece goes to the same daycare as my children. And my little baby, Poppy, was being dropped off. And my niece, she says a lot of words,

starting with D, like this and that, that kind of thing. She's three. And so Poppy gets dropped off. And the lady who runs the daycare is like, oh, Poppy's here. And my niece says, Poppy? She's better than that baby over there.

And points to another baby. Oh, man. It's a tough record. You're even ranking babies now. I'm so bored of that baby That baby This baby I was gonna

I was Going out of my mind With this kid Thank goodness Who showed up Wow I Yeah

What's the best baby I ever saw I don't know I have to think about it That's really poppy I mean Have you seen the boss baby Oh no

That looks really great Very good Yeah. Very good. Yeah, yeah. Very good. Cookies are for closers. It's great. Uh-huh. Other things, you know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Put that coffee down. Do you have balls to sell? Have your balls dropped, you know? Et cetera. Brass balls. Yeah, yeah. Gwen, balls. Yeah, yeah. When were we Gwen boss?

The weeds a week? You're weak. What's your name? Fuck you, that's my name. I don't ever want this to stop. That's basically how the boss baby came to be you drove a Hyundai to get here I drove here in a $100,000 BMW my overseen

is from a couple of what I assume were brothers because it was a very brother-y thing to do two brothers

I was at a diner and they were playing like too slow like give me five too slow pulling the hand away brothers. I was at a diner and they were playing like too slow, like give me five, too slow, pulling the hand away. one brother was dominating

like in the pulling away. The other brother was not even coming close. How old was the slow? Seven or eight. Oh, I missed that part. Were you imagining adults as well? I was absolutely imagining. Two guys who looked very similar, so I assume they're brothers. No, no.

Two kids. One of them was Beau Bridges. The other one was Jeff Bridges. And then the eldest, who was, like I say, dominated the game, pulled away his hand and then slapped his brother on the cheek that's a great

that's a great finisher yeah anyways made me laugh it reminded me of my my youth yeah that's one of those classic things

like the bunny ears yeah yeah I used to do that that you know like you have your palms together and then

the person underneath pulls them out and slaps the top of the other one. Yeah. And my friend was like, oh, you know, my friend was British. And he said, he said, or his parents were British. Back in England, they do this with knuckles.

I was really scared. Yeah. And they call it bloody knuckles. Well, the Brits are, you know, they're weird. They have blood sausage. They have, it's a very bloody culture over there. They say bloody. Yeah.

But yeah, doing that with knuckles. I don't know. I don't know, man. So we have this book. Someone gave, our friend gave our daughter a book about poop. Sure. It's not everyone poops. Okay.

Which really kicked off the whole poop book. Yeah, it was really,'s got it's own section in the bookstore yeah but this one is about like it's you know

what is poop what does poop feel like it's squishy yeah but what is poop and it was like old food yeah

germs old blood I hadn't considered that. Wow. Hello there, old blood. Weird. Our bodies are gross. I don't like to think about that book.

Children's book. I just want to sit here, eat my placenta. Plant whatever I don't finish. Yeah. Fingers of the kids. I don't. Kids finger each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That brother fingered his brother in the face. Not exactly true. No, he slapped him. Yeah, With his fingers Get it Yeah I guess He gave him the five fingers Once you start

Five finger discount Adding another meaning To fingered Then It's all broken loose Yeah Then everything's fingering It means nothing anymore

Yeah Now if you If you out there If you've overheard Or overseen something You want to send it in to us You can send it in to SPY

At MaximumFun.org. And this first one comes from Dakota S. This is overheard at brunch. Yum. A girl just arriving at table to girl two. Congratulations on the engagement. Girl one to girl three and congrats on the new job. Girl one to girl four. There congrats on the new job. Girl 1 to Girl 4,

there's nothing to congratulate about you. Yo! Well, at least they, you know, got that out of the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you. It didn't just sit there for a while. I noticed you're not being congratulated.

Yeah, what are those, new shoes? Congratulations on your brunch. I'm making it to brunch. Yeah, I'm picking up the tab for everybody for brunch.

Poor girl four. Yeah. I'm imagining them all with shirts with numbers on them. Like thing one and thing two. Yeah,

exactly. Big hair. Yeah, it's not, you don't always have things going on in a person's life. There are peaks. There are valves. Sure.

I don't like being congratulated because then, like, it's not like a thing. In normal small talk, you can be like, oh, you look great. You look great, too. Right. Congratulations. I'm not really up to date with what you're doing. You don't like to pull focus. Right. Congratulations. I'm not really up to date with what you're doing. You don't like to pull focus. No.

It's too much pressure just to talk about you. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. There is no comeback for congratulations. Comeback. Right. No. Up yours.

Congratulations yourself. And your mother. This next one comes from... I congratulated your mother on a job well done. You mean like I congratulated your mother last night? Why did he turn it around on me like that? It's trying to be nice. This next one comes from James B.

Someone was visiting a co-worker and was giving a long history of their time in a given industry and how a particular company had wronged some folks. They left a lot of sour grapes in a lot of mailboxes. A lot of rotten grapes, per se. That's a good analogy. Wow. Yeah. I don't know how the mailboxes. When you.

Yeah. They left a lot of rotten grapes. Sour grapes. Sour grapes. And then the rotten grapes per se. Because the sour grapes are the thing. Yeah. But where do the mailboxes come in?

And you don't leave sour grapes. Don't you just have them? Like, ah, that person just got sour grapes. But maybe they literally, like, if you, like the guy. Somebody quit Sunmade? Like the guy who, the flight attendant. Oh, yeah. He quit and they pulled the emergency slide.

That was amazing. And then the Twitter, the Twitter employee that took down Trump's Twitter account before they left. So maybe it's that kind of thing. Like, oh, I'm out of here. I'm going to leave some grapes in all your mailboxes that won't be discovered until Monday. Take that. Sour grapes or rotten grapes, per se. I mean, grapes could survive a weekend in a mailbox.

Yeah. I mean, they'd be, I don't know. Unless they already started off sour. Yeah. Then they might get rotten. Or like before a holiday or a long weekend. Sure. That could be pretty bad.

You don't want to open your mailbox on Monday to that. Fruit flies in the summertime. Woo! Fruit flies in the summertime. Trying to jam in too many words. It's my burden coming. Trying to jam in too many words. It's my Burton Cummings.

This last one comes from, well, C.L. Moore. So there's no first name. I may have unknowingly been in a performance art audience, but a Walmart in Berryville, Arkansas? That's a very small stage. Wait, is this? This is the person setting the stage like the opening line from a novel yeah or a one-man show guy entering walmart shouts at guy behind me in checkout line hey bill how you doing bill behind me well not so good guy what's wrong bill my wife ran off with a ventriloquist from alpina

that's crazy and it feels like that that's a line out of a yeah yeah i think i think we're writing this play wife ran off with a ventriloquist from alpina. Yeah, yeah. All places. Yeah. Boy, oh boy. A ventriloquist. Ay, ay, ay. That's basically, now she's polyamorous. She's got the hand and the jalapeno on a stick. This is a small town ventriloquist. Just a small town ventriloquist.

Living in a lonely... Rhyme something with Ventriloquist, do it. Rhyme something with Ventriloquist? Oh, yeah. Some sort of Brillo mist. Yeah, doing something for the thrill of it. Oh, nice. Yeah, I could freestyle.

Not even Ventriloquist.ist Donald Trump I do not like you Donald Trump you're very bad at your job I think that you dress like a motherfucking slob and I do not like the green eggs and the ham this is my

because my name is Eminem. So good. So good. I do not like you. God, I'm so angry. Oh, boy. That was good.

In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us, the phone number. She's mad at it. It's a little too Bill Cosby. The thing in the do-da-da-ba-da-do. The phone number is easy to remember. I got it memorized.

1-844-779-7631 or 1-SpyPod1 like these people have. Hi, Dave and Graham and possibly a guest. So I work at an elementary school. I was chatting with two second graders and they were saying, we've known each other since preschool.

And the girl says, yeah, we went to preschool at a church. And the boy goes, yeah, it was called Rice King. And the girl looks at him and I go, do you mean Christ the King? And he goes, no, it was Rice King. You're wrong. Stupid teach. Yeah, it's Rice King. An agricultural church

it was you know a preschool sponsored by the local rice magnate the rice king

I'm the king of rice I won't be undersold yeah a lot of this is orzo I got bad Maddie I got Jasmine I got fancy long oh you guys Jasmine. I got Fancy Long.

Oh, you guys. I can't believe you can name three rices. That's great. Sticky. Dirty. Larry. I contributed. Jerry.

Thank you. Here's your next one. Hey, Dave, Graham, and probable guests. This is James in Raleigh, North Carolina Hi Raleigh This is an overheard from my 11 year old daughter She and I were riding in the car together She was playing on my phone

And I saw a text come in She turned to me She said Dad, who's Aunt Flo? And I said Excuse me? She said Yeah, Aunt Flo? And I said, excuse me? She said, yeah, Aunt Flo. She's in town.

And I realized that my wife had texted me and busted out laughing. And I said, you need to just ask your mother about that. And she looked at me and paused and then had this very knowing look on her face and said oh i get it she doesn't get it you think she gets it she's like oh the toilet's broken yeah and isn't that that's like so that's like a an old-timey expression, isn't it? Yeah, I think women still use it. Yeah, it's pretty good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's visiting, she's in town.

I just feel so bad for that poor man who was driving home thinking he was going to get some and then got that text. She was like, nope, keep it in your pants, buddy. Yeah, yeah. Or his wife just texts him every month. Hey, guess what? every month hey guess what he'll never guess what happened maybe he should

learn it you know maybe he should learn why can't he have an app yes finally

yes yes why here's your final overheard hi this is Meredith from Louisiana calling in with an overheard I just got out of Target and I heard

a mom very aggressively say to her kid shut up about the 90s or like stop talking about the 90s you don't know anything about the 90s well yeah but maybe they do it's researchable you don't know anything Well, yeah, but maybe they do. It's researchable.

You don't know anything about the 90s. It was a crazy time. An old man turned 90 at 8. He won the lottery and died the next day. Yeah. I mean, I lived through the 90s. Do I know anything about the 90s? I've tried to forget. Yeah. I mean, I lived through the 90s. Do I know anything? I've tried to forget. Yeah.

But as a parent, I relate to that because, yeah. No, because of the trends. Because of the trends. We're all doing that voice that you started. The 20-year cycles, right? And so then kids think they discovered everything, right? And then they're wearing, you know, whatever, like bomber jackets, like they just invented them or whatever. But I did the same thing because I remember as a teenager, you know, dressing in tie dye and everything. And my mother rolling to dress in like flappers. Right. Costumes.

But then I remember explaining to my mother who Led Zeppelin was. Oh, there you go. You don't know from like, I was, yeah. She was like, I slept with people in Led Zeppelin. I was a mud shark. So I relate to that mom. I'm going to defend that target mom. Oh, yeah. No, no.

No, absolutely. It's just the 90s are a funny thing to try to be an expert in. Yeah. Do you even know who Dan Quayle was? That would be my trump card. Monday night, Murphy Brown. Evening shade. Major dad in designing women. Tuesday night, you got Frasier. Monday night Murphy Brown Evening Shade Major Dad

and Designing Women Tuesday night you got Frasier It was a hard time to be alive I'll tell you Wednesday it's all about

home improvement Thursday's must see Friday TGIF Saturday you got golf and football of some sort Well and then at night

you're gonna get you know empty nests Yeah and maybe unsolved mysteries Golf and football of some sort. Well, and then at night you're going to get Empty Nests. Yeah, and maybe Unsolved Mysteries. And Golden Girls. And then Sisters. Oh, yeah. With Cee LaWard. Dave, your brain.

Sometimes I just marvel. Mm-hmm. It's all in there. It is in there. Nurses was also a spinoff of maybe Empty Nest. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

And then there was just the show about that dog from Empty Nest. Yeah, sure. Big dog. Saturday was just all about old people in Florida. Yeah, yeah. And you know what? They've never had it so good since. There's no, what are the primo senior shows now?

Now in peak television, where are all our senior shows? There ain't none. No. Yeah, Family Feud. Well, that Cleveland one. Oh, Hot in Cleveland. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

I think that's it, though. We'll take it back. Although I just saw some show so funny. I just watched a little piece of it that my wife was watching with Diane Wiest who's getting up there in years. Sure. But I said, this is really funny. What show is this? She's like, I don't know. Like, how much have you watched?

She's like, just a few episodes. How do you not know what you're watching? She has no idea what the name of it is. Chicago Hope. Oh, well. Was Wiest on there? I don't know. But I could see watching a show like that and being like, eh, who cares what it's called. I love everything Diane Wiest is in. Yeah.

From The Birdcage to Parenthood. The only things I know. She was in Edward Scissorhands, wasn't she? Yeah. Yeah. And all kinds of Woody Allen stuff. Woody Allen stuff. And her sisters.

Yeah. And this new show that we will never know the name of Morgan this is the end of the podcast oh she's performing this year at

South by South by East ah yes that's good that could have been that could have been a tweet for sure but now that it's out there in the world

it can't possibly also yeah now I need to use all these extra characters too oh god you're South African and you're no not those characters But now that it's out there in the world, it can't possibly also. Yeah, now I need to use all these extra characters, too. Oh, God. You're South African and you're... No, not those characters. Twitter characters.

Oh. Oh, boy. I get it. I get it now. The characters of Dave Jukka is angry freestyle rap. You don't know anything about the 2010s, Mom. Stop talking about the 2010s, Mom. Stop talking about the 2010s. Morgan, do you have things you would like to plug?

Wednesday's coming out, and I can tell you. Oh, yeah. Let's say it is coming out on the 27th. Oh, God. Then I got nothing. What do you have coming up for Advent? Yeah. What kind of Advent calendar are you going to go with?

A chocolate? Some sort of nut? I really want one of those gin Advent calendars. Yeah, with 24 gins? Yeah, that sounds really good to me. Yeah, yeah. You know, a lot of those jihadis get promised 24 gins when they get there.

Again, with the shortening of the words. Yeah, shortening words. Pretty good. Yeah, no, I'm going to, November is crazy. And then after that, I don't know. And, oh, is that?

Eh, doesn't matter. No, I was going to say that's when they do the Comedy Fest announcements. But why am I going to announce a thing for March? That's stupid. Yeah.

Well, where can people find you online? You can find me online at morganbrayton.com or at Morgan Brayton on your various social media channels. There you go. Or, uh,

the lady show.com lady show comedy. Yeah. So you got things, you got things in the hopper. Get a hat, buy a hat. Yeah. You should get a hat.

Yeah. Can I contact me? We'll get you a hat. Yeah. I mean, unless you're far away and then I'm not gonna mail it to you cause it would cost me way more than the hat. Well, you have to get on a plane and come to me and I'll sell you a hat. Yeah. I mean, unless you're far away, then I'm not going to mail it to you because it would cost way more than the hat. Well.

You have to get on a plane and come to me and I will sell you a hat. Yeah, that's the only thing. Cash only. In our cash, not from whatever country you just came from. Well, thank you so much for being a guest. Thanks for having me. Always a pleasure. Yeah.

And you folks out there, if you want to engage with the podcast. Get down on one knee and say, you know, we've been together for such a long, long time. Yeah, this better be two months, three months salary? What was that for? I'm not sure. It just kept going up and up and up as diet. It was two or three months salary. Yeah.

I don't know. I was unemployed at the time of my engagement. So. Can I tell super quick my engagement story? Yeah. Well, can we go? Yeah. Oh, sorry.

Go ahead. No, tell the story. Okay. So when Michelle wanted to get married, I did not want to get married I just thought first of all the idea that anybody wanted to marry me

seemed ridiculous also two ladies is that the craziest thing you've ever heard so crazy and I just it just hadn't ever occurred to me

that that was a good idea but she was really set on getting married and I was like okay well why why can't we just like be together forever

why do we have to do a thing and she was very upset by that. And I said, well, we can have like a commitment ceremony. She's like, I don't know if it was stupid. You're good enough to commit to, but not good enough to marry ceremony. I was like, okay, so what is it?

If we get married, what does that mean to you? And so like good feminists, we define terms and figured that all out. And so we talked it through and I was like, okay, well, sure, I guess that makes sense. Fine, I'll marry you. And she said, do it properly. You have to get down on one knee.

And I was like, oh, Jesus. Okay. Wait, why doesn't she have to get down on one knee? Well, because she had put it to me. And so I was like, okay, fine. Okay. Will you marry me? Right.

And she said, do it properly. You have to get down on one knee. And I was like, oh, for God's sake. So I get down on one knee and I'm like, okay, will you marry me? And she's like, you're supposed to have one knee. And I was like, oh, for God's sake. So I get down on one knee and I'm like, okay, will you marry me? And she's like, you're supposed to have a ring. And I'm like, oh, for God's sake, I didn't want to do this. So I go to the kitchen. I get a twist tie.

I made a ring. I come back. I get down on one knee. And I said, okay, will you marry me? And she said, do it properly. You're supposed to take your shirt off. And, you know know many happy returns exactly

how many cats were on you at the time of this romantic event we only had four back then it was really dangerous the cats were on you I was shirtless so it was really dangerous oh you got a cat on you

got some on your teeth, you got a cat on you. Got some on your teeth. But you can follow us on Twitter. We're at Stop Podcasting. You can go to Reddit. There's a Reddit Maximum Fun subreddit. Yeah, there's a Facebook group. And we've been

occasionally we will something from the show will pop up and people will react to it. And like a couple weeks ago, we were talking about sayings that our parents had. Oh, yeah, yeah. And so many people wrote to us with their weird sayings that their parents had.

So I don't remember what we talked about today, but probably something. Yeah, Burton Cummings, for sure. I want to hear your Burton Cummings story. Yeah, and if you like the show, tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. And my friend just told me she grew up in Winnipeg and she trained to be a paramedic.

And so when she first started working as a paramedic, they got a call about a car with somebody unconscious in it. And they show up and then she calls in and she's like, it appears to be Burton Cummings passed out in a car with a bucket of fried chicken. Oh, yeah. Which I love. Yeah. It just is like, just, you know, when you got out. We've all been there. Right?

Eat too much chicken too fast. Sometimes you just need to get drunk and eat some chicken in your car and maybe have a little nap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. These eyes. These eyes. These eyes. Pretty good. Sound good. Testing.

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