Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 508 - Dave Merheje

Episode Date: December 11, 2017

Comedian Dave Merheje returns to talk fears, beard oil, and log barns. Also, we get the names of so many TV shows, actors, and singers wrong. You’ll be so frustrated.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 508 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who is counting down the days on his advent calendar until the big day. Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah.

Cards on the table. We're pre-taping this. We're pre-advent. We're a couple days before Advent. Are you going to do one? Graham's blown it wide open. I'm going away for Christmas, so we've got to record a few. But I saw the Vancouver Canucks Advent calendar.

It looks pretty good. What is it? Is it chocolate? Chocolate. Yeah, delicious. Chocolate hockey pucks. But now that I have kids, I'm like, oh, do I got to get two advent calendars? You have to get one that they can just open all the days immediately and just gorge on chocolate.

Yeah. And then one for you to do the same. And then another one. And then a proper one. Yeah. For Christ. Did you ever do advent calendars? When did you stop doing advent calendars? When did you stop doing advent calendars? I think I did it one year

And then Like I blew it You came? Everywhere I was so excited Can we start again? No we cannot Do you

Do you like Christmas? No Because you don't like your birthday. Yeah. I don't like Jesus' birthday either. So there you go. But what do you like? I like Halloween and spooky times.

I like Mother's Day. Big shout out to moms. And, you know, I like Labor Day, you know. Oh, sure. Support the worker. Yeah, absolutely. Our guest today, very funny comedian, formerly made his home in Toronto, then L.A., now New York. Mr. Dave Mirhaj is our guest.

Thank you, man, for saying those nice things. They're all facts. Yeah. I man, for saying those nice things. They're all facts. Yeah. I mean, they're mostly about chocolate. I mostly said nice things about a calendar. I love those chocolate calendars. Right? The Christmas ones are, I love Christmas, though.

Are you a big Christmas fan? What? One year, I think my sister got me an advent calendar that was just no chocolate. You just open it up, there's a picture inside. I would snap. I was furious. I would snap. I don't know how you held your composure.

The whole point is the chocolate. But they do different ones, right? Because I remember seeing one at Lush, and it was different soaps. I mean, yeah, I guess so. But you're not going to be able to go through a soap a day. Just wash me. But there were like 99% of them were chocolate. Maybe they do like booze bottle ones for your uncle.

I just want chocolate, man. Yeah. I'd get mad, but bless your soul. You're right. Holding your composure. I would have literally lost it. I lost it. I was a 10 or something. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, how rude of her. They give you. Holding her composure. I would have literally lost it. I didn't. I lost it. I was a 10 or something.

Oh, yeah. How rude of her. They give you a non-chocolate My birthday is December 1st, so she gave me a piece of garbage on my birthday. Yeah, that's cruel, man. The whole point is popping them. It's like a prank present for a kid.

That's an awful thing to do to another, to do to a child a child yeah it's like giving them uh chocolate coins and then you unwrap them in there for some casino on the inside i was so mad i came oh wait can we start again uh should we get to know us yeah all right get to know us uh so dave uh it's been about a year oh sorry dave mir Dave, it's been about a year. Oh, sorry, Dave Mirhaj. It's been about a year since you were on the podcast. A little over a year, yeah.

What's been going on in that year? I moved, man. Yeah, you moved to New York. I did. I moved to New York. How come? I don't know. Probably because the vibe was, I don't know.

I hate using the word vibe as well. I just. Just don't use it for the rest of the podcast. That's it. No more vibe talk. Oh, I was going to have some people come and play mallet on a vibraphone, but I guess we can't now. I think me and a buddy were looking for a place to lease, to live in.

It was the worst experience I had looking for an apartment. In LA? Yeah, it was like three months. It was sad. We were going to actually blog it because it was going on too long. So friends were like, maybe you should really write about it. I go, this is not. We're going to be homeless.

Homeless authors. That could be it. It's its own hook. The bad or the worst part was we finally got a place. And my buddy called me, my roommate, soon-to-be roommate. He goes, we got the place. I go, this is great. It's been a while.

It's been like two months. And then I tell, I think Chris Robinson, the comedian from Canada, was in town. I go, dude, I got the place. And then he goes into the bank. And then while he was in the bank, I get a call. My buddy goes, we didn't get the place. I go, dude, I got the place. And then he goes into the bank. And then while he was in the bank, I get a call. My buddy goes, we didn't get the place. I go, what? It's like 20 minutes.

He goes, because he had called her to ask her something. She goes, who are you? He goes, what do you mean, who am I? You just rented me the place. She goes, oh, my God, no. I called the wrong person. Oh, no. She goes, you guys aren't good for each other. Like,

like me and him because his, his credit wasn't the best that he's too new to like, you know, you guys are toxic. So she started attacking us like us as humans and our life, life choices. And that's kind of mean. I was like,

I didn't know that happens when you're looking for places. And I think like it hadn't up till then. Yeah. Aren't you kind of glad? I didn't know that happens when you're looking for places, and I think... It hadn't up till then. Aren't you kind of glad it did? Yeah, I did. Someone was like, well, here's why you're going to be blogging about this. Yeah.

That's so funny. Don't shut down the blog so fast. Just so you know, it's because you're toxic. It was, you know, and I didn't want to break up with him about that so you know, it's because you're toxic. It was, you know, and I didn't want to break up with him about that, you know,

because I didn't want as a perspective, right? Because it's kind of, how do you tell your boy that like, look, man,

we're toxic. Because of you. Because of you, yeah. You're the weak link here. Yeah, I feel like I could do better roommate wise.

Yeah, I didn't, I actually thought about that convo and I was like, I can't break his heart like that. So I'm leaving town.

I gotta go to New York for a thing so I just left no and it just kept happening where I couldn't we couldn't find a place and then I was sitting

with I was subletting from a friend and we just started talking about New York and then he was like why don't you just move there

I go what why don't you marry it yeah you like it so much well he goes you have nothing here you don't have a girlfriend you don't you marry it yeah you like it so much well he goes you have nothing here you don't have a girlfriend you don't even have a lease you don't have a car you literally could leave and no one would care and then you came back I go that's not the nicest thing to say but then I did I then I went to look for an appointment that day to look for an apartment

I get there I get in the car and I start walking up the driveway. I go, yo, I've been here before. That's how long I've been looking. Oh, wow. You circled around. Circled around. Went in and I realized that this is the place I saw a cockroach on its back. As the lady was handing us the application,

I had to tell my buddy. Was it relaxing? Like, oh, boy. This is the best. This thing was dead as shit. So I fake taking pictures. And then two days after that, I decided. You fake taking pictures?

Pictures, yeah. Why not really take pictures? Because I panicked. Because the guy goes, would you like it? I go, let me take some pictures for my soon-to-be roommate. And there was no flash. I was just panicking. And he was like, it's not that toxic guy, is it?

Better don't be that toxic guy. You know what? A little bit of toxic might kill these cockroaches. It could have. Then I moved. Two days after, I was like, I told my roommate or my student. I was like, and he was cool about it. And then I just left.

What's his deal now? He literally found a place four days after. Maybe two days after. We broke up. So just as a roommate couple, you just weren't making, it just wasn't the right chemistry.

It wasn't the right chemistry. And then I think also too, I was like, pardon me, I thought I would like the city more, you know, because I,

you know, I thought in my heart, I was like, I dig it. This place is for me. Then I got there, I go, I don't know if this is like,

not talking standup, just living. I go, I don't know if this is, this is me. And then I got to New York and i was like okay i think we all think we would like to live in la because we saw that steve martin movie la story yeah yeah yeah yeah and you know the the last there's like a good scene in uh annie hall yeah where he goes and it looks really nice it's the idea i i had an idea of what it would be and how I would live there.

And then I got to New York and I was like, I think I'm an East Coast person too. Right. That type of stuff. Born and raised in Toronto? Motel Philly? No, Windsor, Ontario. The East Coast family? I love that song, man.

I love that song. The matching outfits, that was great. That's Boyz II Men? Yeah. Yeah. I always forget that's a Boyz II Men song even though it says it was there

it has Boyz II Men in the lyrics yeah and it was their first was that the I don't know if that was their first hit but I always think of them as like

like balladeers like honey drippers oh for sure man yeah yeah yeah panty droppers yeah they were panty droppers I uh

I just remember Wasn't there an episode Of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air Where he like They come to his house And sing Yeah That was

That was always A thing that happened On television Would never happen In real life Like hey I know I know a guy I'm gonna get

One direction To come over to my house And sing a song To my sister Hey boys You know that thing You uh Do for millions of dollars? Do it for free for my family.

In the living room. I think they did Till the End of the Road. Yeah. What were the other ones? I know in Full House they had Timmy T. I feel like Martin Lawrence had, I can't remember who he had. He had a bunch. I think he had Biggie Smalls

he had a lot of he had a lot of rappers and singers come on the show as themselves? as themselves did Davy Jones ever actually show up on the Brady Bunch?

oh I don't know that would have been a crossover it was too big for television yeah it's it happened a lot on sitcoms

but I can't now. Fresh Prince a lot. And they had Tevin Campbell, who had like a couple hits back in the day, but he wasn't playing Tevin Campbell, which I didn't like. We all know who that guy is. Yeah, yeah. He can't play Todd. Yeah, sell me on him.

Just let him be Tevin. And who is the one where it's like the parents go out of town for a weekend and then Will rents it out to a music video? Oh, that was somebody. That was a heavy D? Yeah. Dude, I know too much about urban culture. Like a lot. How much is too much?

Too much, man. I even watched Idlewild. Remember that OutKast movie? Oh, yeah. I had a friend pull me over uh i was talking about idle while he pulled the car over he goes look i don't think you're trying to be black i don't think that i think somewhere along the line something happened when you were born i just don't know man nobody watches idle wild not even black people i think i go you're

right i almost bought the soundtrack do you know anything outcast talk about that movie yeah does it take place in the 30s or something yeah it's a wild west musical it might have been a musical right

wow yeah man I mean I I know it existed it came out like right sort of was it after

the double disc this is yeah right as they were I think it's like when they were when hey what is that song yeah I think it was around that this is at the height of their, right as they were. I think it's like when they were, when Hey, what is this song?

Hey Yeah. Hey Yeah. I think it was around that. This is at the height of their, they were on a roll type thing. So they're like, why not a movie? Yeah,

man, it made sense. This always works, they said. I mean, if it had worked, it would have been, when has it worked?

It worked on me, I'll tell you that. When has it worked? Like, you know, I think like, I always think of the Elvis Presley movies, you know,

like. Cause it didn't work with Mariah. Didn't work with Britney. No. Eminem it worked with. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like, he capitalized on the right time and then got out.

And played the right character. Played the right character. He didn't try to. He played Todd Campbell. Todd Campbell. Todd's the Smarties Campbell. They couldn't get the rights to any part of the M&M story Todd Campbell's the best

Well it's based on Tevin Campbell No I didn't That's on them Todd Campbell That's on them But it was What else was the other one

Oh Christina Aguilera Had like What was the one She did with Cher Cabaret No Burlesque Burlesque

Oh yes yes yes yes, yes. Yeah. And like, didn't Andre 3000, didn't he make a movie where he was Jimi Hendrix but they couldn't secure

any of the Jimi Hendrix rights? Boo-doo-doo-boo. He plays a trombone the whole time. He burns a trombone it just takes forever

so hot but that was an era where they were all doing those biopics type thing yeah

there was like too many coming at once man yeah it was like a lot well now

they're doing or they've done the Freddie Mercury one with the guy they were originally going

to do it with Sacha Baron Cohen yeah but now they have the guy from were originally going to do it with Sacha Baron Cohen. Right. But now they got the guy from iRobot. Uh, Will Smith? Will Smith.

Who? The TV show iRobot? Oh, the Persian guy. Yeah. Rami Malek? Well, he did Mercury look Persian a bit. Yeah. Was he Persian? He was Moroccan, maybe.

Yeah, I could. But, like, I think one of the big holdups was that Sacha Baron Cohen didn't want to do it because when Queen was approached about the project, Queen made it. They were like, it has to be about Freddie Mercury and also about Queen, like, continuing on after he died. And they were like, like uh but the thing everybody's interested in is that one freddie mercury yeah they're interested in him that's

petty on their part yeah a little bit like step aside well like i don't know what they've done since he died well they brought on that american idol guy to sing with them. Adam Lombaire. Yeah. Dude, that would be sad, I feel, to do that. Well, like if the last hour and a half was just about them. It's a three-hour movie, but there's an obvious intermission where you're free to go. And then it's like, the drummer's like, I once wrote a song about being in love with my car. Did he really? Yeah. What song is that? I being in love with my car. Did he really? Yeah. What song is that?

I'm in love with my car. That's a real song? Yeah, I think so. Oh, boy. I care. That's amazing. And the guitarist, Brian May, is like a PhD in mathematics or something. Yeah, that's right.

And has a giant thing of hair. Great head of hair. Still not interested, I think. Even with the great head of hair? His guitar. He made his guitar out of his mantle. Oh, really?

His dad, and he built it together. Oh, see? That's a fun... Yeah, but there's nothing that could beat whatever. There's no way. I wonder what the brainstorming of that room would be,

like to try to sell it the last half hour after the real story's done. Everybody gets a free bag of popcorn for the last half hour. All the theater attendants come in with free bags of popcorn. To hold you, that's amazing. They just show, like, honestly, the biggest thing that Queen did After Freddie Mercury died Was

They were in Wayne's World Their song was in Wayne's World So if they just Had that scene Well There was a weird I was talking to somebody Who went and saw

Jersey Boys Uh huh Oh I saw that Have you seen it? The movie or the show? The show The live show But like

Joe Pesci Is like integral in their story. So there's a character named Joe Pesci. Named Kevin Campbell. Couldn't get the rights to Joe Pesci. But I thought that was really weird that like the real Joe Pesci was somehow involved in that. And then he's in this story. Well, when I saw it a long time ago

yeah I was weirded out I was like Joe Pesci and then you just it's a very common name in the community he was their boy it's like Muhammad

yeah it's like when he was a kid he was like Lil Sing and Joe Pesci or whatever now you think it was their homie

yeah he had a singing career as well. Did he? Yeah. Wow. Okay. They didn't really,

did they talk about it in the musical? I haven't seen either of the things. The musical came on as like, as their, you know, like just their boy. They're like, hey, I'm doing bad impressions. No, that's good.

Hey. Hey. Hey. He did that for 40 minutes, but then they did the movie, or like a four part and that was depressing oh okay

oh really the end part was depressing because they all fell apart like they lost money and stuff like that oh yeah and Joe I think they one of them

the lead singer might have had to work for Joe Pesci after like in his acting days oh that was because they're yeah it's real

it takes a turn because you're like this is great and then all of a sudden he goes no I feel that would be the last half hour of the Queen yeah It takes a turn because you're like, this is great. And then all of a sudden it goes, no. I feel that would be the last half hour of the Queen. Yeah.

Although I don't know. Yeah, where it's just like, well, they're fine. I think they're fine. And every once in a while they're like, remember Freddie? Like they just sit around and think about him. Did they get the guy who played young Joe Pesci in Goodfellas to play young Joe Pesci?

I wish I paid attention. That guy was such a good young Joe Pesci. I would love it if they just got Joe Pesci as him. They don't edit it to make him look young

or anything. Maybe he gets to wear a wig. I love when they do that. When they digitally... Or not even digitally. They just accept that like... Because they'll get a young actor, like a kid, to play. This is him at five. And this is him at twelve.

And then, you know, here's Joe Pesci at eighteen, but it's seventy-year-old Joe Pesci with like a... Yeah. Please, they have to do that. That's the new... It's like that's when your body changes to your permanent old man body.

That's so funny. So you like New York? Yeah, I like the yelling. The yelling? That's what made me feel comfortable. I heard people scream outside of my window. And I was like, this is great. I listened to him for like 30 minutes man i didn't understand what they were saying but it just it was a different type of energy i think i'm just an angry person too so just like the whole i get that vibe from you all this cheeriness

is bullshit but um no i i i think I just like the city a lot more. That city too, street fights occur at any time. What? Yeah, I saw a street fight at the corner. The guy just, no shirt on, just walked up to another dude and he goes, I know you're fucking around. And then the guy goes, okay, then what do you want to do about it? He goes, take it.

He goes, let's do it right now. He goes, no, come around the corner. Yeah, yeah. And put your shirt back on. That's not He goes, no, come around the corner. Yeah, yeah. And put your shirt back on. It's not going to be one of those kind of fights. It was great. They took a street fight to the side. Let's go around the corner to the shirt store.

Winner gets a shirt. Yeah. But they still had respect. They were disrespectful to us, but they still found some way to respect us. Did they know each other? I think they did. You know one of those,

it felt like it might have been an ongoing beef that they're finally settling right now in front of a produce stand? Yeah, yeah. You want to go to a deli to get some beef. But nobody cared. It was, like, very, I don't know. Like, people were just like,

I'm just going to go on about my day. Stepping around them. Not even stop. People just continued with their, just, like, just looks to the side and people continued with their conversations. Yeah. Well, because unless it's like two famous people settling a beef, you know. No one's going to care.

We just had American Thanksgiving and so many videos of people fighting. It's the best. Oh, it's nuts. It's the best time of year. It really is. Yeah. I mean, Black Friday, not Thanksgiving itself. No, I was picturing like from family dinners where dad like gets up.

Okay. It's people buying. Let's do this. No, let's go around the corner. You're going to upset your mom. Yeah. So you like the energy, the angst of the city. Yeah, more.

But I think that, you i get i guarantee you obviously most people would say that but i just it was just a better fit than just my two of my closest buddies live there nice so that was that was where where do you live what i live in ridgewood no one knows where that is ever uh give me the borough the borough it's a brooklyn queens it's like on the border i think flushing if you if you put it into like. Oh, that's where the nanny named Fran is from. I know anything. That's what the Lyft app tells me whenever I put my address in. It tells me Flushing.

So the app is hiding me. So you're, yeah, you always go to the US Open. That's what it's in Flushing. Yep. Is there somebody else famous from Flushing, Queens? I mean. I remember it being a thing anytime I heard it when I was a kid. I would giggle.

I just know it's, you know, she was working at a bridal shop in Flushing, Queens. It's very Polish. I'll tell you that. It's very like old school Polish. And they look at me like I'm the weirdo. So there's a lot of submarines with screen doors. Yeah, solar power flashlights, etc. The Polish guys dress like

the early 2000s rap oh good like you know with the jeans and i'm like i haven't don't have the heart to tell them that that fashion's out oh but it might be coming back around though it could be so they might be on to something but it's uh but you suspect not now what they've done the way they look at me i feel like i'm i'm the immigrant i was like like i'm technically you are yeah i am actually with so many stares i go come on guys just let me be a part of the neighborhood fellas i know i know so much about early 2000s rap yeah i can help you last time you were here, were you wearing a shirt that just had Cameron's face?

Oh yeah. The entire length of the shirt. It shrunk on me. Oh no. So I hung it up in my room. That's where it's at now. You've retired it. I get to go to bed and look at Cameron and get sound advice.

His pink cell phone. Cameron tucks me in and I feel comfortable. You do, like, so you're in New York, you're doing lots of standup, I assume. I wasn't because I left, like I had to go back to Canada for work. Sure. So I subletted the May when I moved

and then June I had to go back to Toronto for three weeks. Okay. So I subletted the May when I moved and then June I had to go back to Toronto for three weeks. Okay. And then I was gone the whole summer and came back Labor Day in the US.

And now you're back here again. Back here, yeah. Yeah. It's like he's leaving. Do your roommates miss you? I don't think they care as much. One roommate, he was in like China too,

but he came back jet lagged and he was on a tear man he just couldn't sleep so he's making stew at three in the morning just offering it to me i thought you meant like he was stewing not like he's up making i never hear about stew except on this show. Graham talking about stew. He loved the stew, man. He told me, do you want some? I go, buddy, it's three in the morning, man.

I can't intake that right now. Your time zone's all fucked up. He'd wake up and be like, what day is it? I go, dude, what is it? Is it stew day?

It's stews day. It's stews day. It's stews day. He was on a tear. He's like a music producer so he but he loves to talk he'll catch you he'll catch you anywhere

in the house to talk right into Convo steps into it and you're locked in man you better have stories what do you like in your stew

peas what were you doing in China just some stand up but it this comic Will Sullivan is very funny.

He goes there a lot. So we were at the I was hanging out at the cellar with Nathan McIntosh, who's a who's a he's in the cellar now, like he performs all the time. And then Canadian

Canadian comedian and then Ronnie Chang from The Daily Show. And then Will just walked over to us and he goes, he wasn't even looking at us. He was at his on his

phone. He goes, y'all want to go to China? And then we were like, what? We're like, yeah, leaves comes and he goes, uh, hit, wasn't even looking at us. He was at his, on his phone. He goes, y'all want to go to China? And then we were like, what? And we were like, yeah, leaves, comes back and goes,

which all emails we give him his, our emails. And then on the train home, uh, this individual Andy messaged me. He goes, do you want to come to China? I was the weirdest.

You have to leave in a shipping container. Yes. Go to LaGuardia right now. Uh, but that'sGuardia right now. But that's how it all came about. Really? Yeah, man. And like, do you have to get like a special visa or something? Yeah, you go down and get, it's only 80 bucks.

You get to get the consulate. To work in China? Yeah. Wow. And it's pretty, what's it called? Yeah. Huh. You just get, they tell you what information you need and you're in.

You're good to go. The consulate's out of control though. Why? It's so much action there. Action-packed and shit. Everyone's making stew. Yeah, everyone's a lot of stew. 24 hours a day.

And like, had you ever been to China before? Never, man. I thought people at first, my friends were like, you're going to fall apart. My anxiety was at an all-time high. I was trying not to be one of those ignorant people who were you know like pointing at things and not

you know but it was like look at that I don't want to disrespect their language and stuff so but you don't know their language

what would you be pointing at well just a menu like it just was or just like you know I don't want to be so ignorant so I was very nervous about that

because some cities it's like they might not speak English. Yeah. And it's the kind of language where you don't have a clue. I have no, man. There was a lot of times I had no idea. There's not a picture. And like, where, what part of China? It was, I'm going to say the names wrong.

Chinadu, Hangzhou, Beijing, Shanghai. And then I went to Singapore. That sounds like you. I think you got it. Yeah. At least three, right, Shanghai, and then I went to Singapore. That sounds like you got them all right. Yeah, at least three, right? Yeah, at least three. For sure three. The first two, I was way off. I was way off. And like, who are you doing?

Is it expats that you're playing with? Expats and English teachers. Like English teachers who are training? No, just mostly like Westerners, I guess, teaching English there. And it was super funny. And the name of the comedy club is? You told me this.

Kung Fu Comedy. Oh, brother. Jesus Christ. It's a good club, but then, you know, look, who am I? Look, I don't know. Most comedy clubs have terrible names anyway. That's true. It was like the Google Hut or something like that.

You can drink in the street in Shanghai, which was... That's pretty funny. And you could just walk through the bars. People in the street. Yeah. That's Freddie Mercury. Yeah. What, like, so what did you do there when you weren't doing comedy?

Did you, like, were you a tourist? I tried a sightsee, man, but I'm awful at it. You know, I just don't like things. I don't like buildings. I don't, you know, I just don't like thing i don't like build i don't you know i wish i was better i don't like buildings so i moved to new york yeah i mean like i don't if someone goes that the art here in the history of this then i don't feel like reading like i'm just not the best no i i for me it definitely has to be like i have to have seen this before somewhere yes like we went to when we went to chicago last year we went to the art institute yeah and there's uh you know thousands of priceless paintings but i'm like

i know that one i've seen that one on a postcard yeah yeah yeah that one's a picasso's guy playing a guitar yeah that one's from ferris bueller yeah i was so panicky because they said like in china like the just the president the government like watches what you're doing if you write anything bad against them. So I just took a picture. The person I was with was like, do you want to take a picture in front of the statue of the of the government? The main dude? I go, I'm an idiot. I call them the main.

Yeah. The statue of the government. Main dude. Now, this is how uneducated I am writing Know Anything and then I just later on posted like,

just to promote the show, I'm like, this is for all the girls that, you know, I didn't please sexually. I hope this makes a difference.

I'm out here doing things and then I had a panic attack but I didn't have good Wi-Fi or data so I talked to the promoter. I go, you think this is cool?

I already posted it. He goes, I think, he was probably joking but he goes, I don't know man Wi-Fi or data so I talked to the promoter I go you think this is cool I already posted it he goes I think he was probably joking but he goes I don't know man watch out for the government and I

couldn't get Wi-Fi I had to shut it down I had to get my brother to go into my passwords and then he's like I just retweeted it and I go then I'm retweeting

I'm just losing my mind I just changed your profile photo but no so much that's why I was like I'm just too paranoid of a human being. Like, you know, I probably need help. And it was nothing.

This was like 20 minutes of sweating and elaborate anxiety for the most stupidest thing ever. So I was like, I probably can't be a good traveler. Because you've pleased everyone sexually. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I said I didn't please everyone.

No, no, that's why it was a stupid thing because obviously you have. Yeah, and the government. No, I said I didn't please everyone. No, no, that's why it was a stupid thing because obviously you have. Yeah, and the government would know. They'd look into that and be like, this must be a joke because this guy,

this guy fucks. I don't fuck well at all, guys. I'm an avid dry humper. I love dry humping. You're avid, eh? Yeah. It's a great,

I just love it. I don't, eh? Yeah. It's a great set. I just love it. I don't have to worry about a baby or diseases. Yeah. I get pleased. Yeah. Your dry cleaning bills through the roof. Ironically. Yeah, you win some and you lose some, you know, guys?

Well, because you're always wearing your church pants or whatever else you send to the dry cleaner. What are you wearing to dry hump? Do you have to send it to my cashmere khakis? They look at you crazy when you prolong dry humping, man. That's why you turn the lights off. The amount of times I've dry humped in the last 15 years is nuts. I guess it was more than once. So many times

I know so many dry humps man it's crazy to the point man I'm with him I like it this is how badly

I dry humped I was in Montreal and I was with this one girl and I had dry humped her and I'm leaving a club with another girl and the girl goes like this I met she goes what are you doing and I'm like huh club with another girl and the girl goes like this. She goes

what are you doing? And I'm like huh? And the girl goes what? And she goes did he dry hump you too? I was like whoa. Not did he fuck you too. That's how good my dry hump game was. Like it made the rounds. Wow. Congratulations.

Thank you man. I'm really prideful in it. Well there's a lot like, you can buy a pair of jeans that's pre-distressed and has all those lines on it, or you can do it yourself by dry humping. Dude, you know, there's a business. There's some dude in Santa Monica that makes money off this. That's why I was so mad. Of dry humping? Yeah, he charges.

People come, like if women want to dry hump them, and he charges. I was so pissed because I've been doing it for free and mastering it. Not mastering it, but just trying to. What? You have to do 10,000 hours. I did a lot, man.

To be honest, one girl came once and she couldn't believe it. She was like, I came. I go, what? I was so happy. We don't talk this way on this show.

But I started it. Yeah, that's true. So sorry. I'm so sorry. I will stop started it. Yeah, that's true. So sorry. I'm so sorry. I will stop. No, no, it's fine. I mean, good for her. I'm glad.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm very respectful. But what does he charge? And is there kissing? Or is it just kissing? No, he only does that to his dog. I guarantee he's making a lot of money, man. And it was on Facebook.

They were promoing it on Facebook, but it was in China, which is a dangerous place. No, this is Santa Monica. Wow. Cause the women come in and they interview them about it. And they're like,

no, I just want to come in to, to do, to, to get dry hump. And that's it. There's no, and there's no kissing.

There's nothing. There's like, yeah. Do you kiss? Do you kiss? Oh yeah. I'm not a do you kiss? Oh yeah, I'm not a savage. So this guy's a savage

is what you're saying? I think that guy's a savage. Yeah, a little bit. He's a clever businessman. Sorry that it took this turn. No, no,

this is fascinating. This is some fascinating stuff. We're really getting to the bottom of Dave Mirage. We didn't talk about this before because upstairs we were talking about like you're easily scared.

Yeah. And you get scared a lot and a lot of things scare you. But now I know what scares you. Wet humping. Yeah. Security relationships. Sure.

Children. Children. A future. A house. These things all are scary? A haunted house, yeah. What's scary about it? Is it scary that there's responsibility attached to it,

or is it scary because it's foreign, it's unknown to you? I think I was ugly. I had buck teeth and glasses and braces. I really didn't kick it with girls as much. And I think when I got to a point when I couldn't meet girls, I think in my head, I just kept searching. I kept one in my head. I go, there'll always be one. I'd one up.

Like, you know, I'd always want to stay in, stay in longer. I go, maybe there's a better situation. I think for the longest time I was subconsciously doing that. And it's probably rude because, you know, who am I to say that? I'm not the most handsome looking man. Now that you don't have those buck teeth, I'm telling you. And now that you don't wear glasses. Oh, wow.

That stopped me. And then just, I think comedy too, where in my head I was like, I got to get this and this before I can get a family. But that's not the way to think. No. I think like the last like two, three, two, two years, I'm like, but that's not the way to think no i think like the last like two three two two years i'm like that's not a proper way to think so there was i jam myself up for for many years but now you're you're do you feel like you're you're maturing yeah because

it's like you know i'd rather just kind of live you know not live for stand up you know what i mean like i was like it was like have a life have a life man and I think I'd rather do that but I am afraid of everything and stuff I think I would for the longest time I would sleep towards the wall and put covers on me

because I thought something was going to come at me oh yeah wouldn't you then sleep with your back to the wall so that you could defend yourself

well I'm not the smartest guy that was the most logical way but I'm an idiot that's why I'd get murdered right away you didn't see anyone else though i don't know do you think because i'm trying to think of like because i definitely there's things i'm afraid of that are probably irrational things uh but you know like i'm always afraid always afraid that when I go on stage that my fly is open. Always.

Every time. And every time I get a laugh, I'm like, is it because my fly has slowly come open while I'm on stage? I don't know why. I don't know. It's never happened. I've had my fly down on stage probably. But I think that makes sense. I'm just, I'm scared of ghosts.

Yeah. Or just like, just. What about goblins? Yeah, ghoulies. Everything, man. Everything. I'm just, I'm scared of ghosts. Yeah. Or just like, just. What about goblins? Yeah, ghoulies. Everything, man. Everything. I'm just like, so petrified.

Have you, do you think you've like, seen a ghost or had something like it was a mysterious, unexplained. And what do you think a goblin is?

A goblin, I don't know. I have no idea what a goblin, if I saw it, I wouldn't know. It would be very awkward. What do you think a goblin if I saw it I wouldn't know it would be very awkward what do you think

a goblin is? you know he's a little guy a little guy with maybe little horns wide mouth yeah probably

a pretty wide mouth arms and legs or is he I think he's arms and legs and he maybe scoots around scoots around like

rubs his butt on the ground yeah yeah that's why nobody wants them in their house rubbing its bum on the furniture yeah goblin yeah that's what i think a goblin is that's what do you think a goblin is i i don't know like uh like i'm pict, is it in one of the Ghostbusters where the gargoyles come to life? Yeah. Yeah.

That's what I'm picturing. Red eyes. Red eyes. Yeah, red eyes seems like a pretty gobliny thing. Lack of sleep, I feel. Yeah. Yeah, lack of sleep. Like, I just don't know if it's a, if it's like, because, you know, you think elves, we kind of know what elves are.

Yeah. Yeah. But I think goblin is sort of like a larger term for kind of creepy little thing. Yeah. Kind of a creepy little thing. Misunderstood. Ghouls.

What about ghouls? Ghoul, I think is something like, it's like a ghost could be just like a human kind of, you know, apparition. But I think like a ghoul is like a monster. Yeah.

Oh, okay. Yeah. And I've heard of like people lately, people get called ghouls if they're like, you know, into morbid stuff. Yeah. Like, you know, if they kind of like root against. Yeah, that's true.

But also ghouls are, they're into morbid stuff because that's their whole, that's what they have to live with. But like, you know, someone, you know, you could call someone, hey, stop being such a ghoul. Yeah. That's kind of dope. It is a pretty good insult. It's like a fresh new insult. It's a fresh new insult that's old. It's like how people started calling their kids Ethel again.

Ethel, man. I don't know if I could date an Ethel. Would you dry date an Ethel? I would dry date an Ethel for sure. She'd respect me though. Yeah, it is. I don't know what the differences are, but I'm sure that if Dan Aykroyd's listening,

he definitely knows the difference between all these things. He's really into this supernatural kind of stuff. Oh, really? Yeah. You're just afraid of it. You haven't done research. No. Or have you?

No. I'm just, I think, a very scared human being where I don't like sleeping. Sometimes if I'm crashing somewhere, I'm like, I don't like the vibe of this place. If it's in a basement somewhere. Yep. Sorry, I said it again. Drink every time Dave says bye. I would tell,

I was in Montreal with a friend and we're staying at his mom's place. He was house sitting and then I was like, I put up a fit. I go, I don't want to stay in the basement. And then he just goes, just stay,

there was a room upstairs. He was just staying downstairs and I just couldn't tell him that I was afraid. Right. You know what I mean? Like it was, you know, to tell a 37 year old telling a 39 year old that hey i'm afraid there might be ghosts yeah like you might

have ghosts down there yeah and then how do we even hang out after that it's also weird that ghosts can't go upstairs but that's one of the see how yeah i thought they hung out on the layer downstairs i mean they can they they you know they get up to the 13th floor of hotels. Yeah, that's true. But they're happiest in the basement because they like wet. Yeah, they like wet and cold. Things are a little bit wet. But if I'm with someone, because this comedian marked a bonus. He was staying at our place in L.A.

And we had come. He has a very New York-y accent. So we came back to the house to where I was living. And then it was like around two in the morning. And he goes, hey, was your roommate's light on before we left? I go, I don't know, man. Just go to bed. I was just tired and frustrated.

He goes, come on, man. This is weird. I go, just go to bed in the living room. You're a grown man. So I go to bed. He goes to bed. I wake up an hour later to go to the kitchen, and the light's on in the living room and the bedroom,

the other bedroom. And I go, what are you doing? And he's laying down with his eyes. He's staring at the ceiling. I go, what are you doing? He goes, there's something in the room. And I walk over, whispering. I go, there's nothing in the room.

You're just paranoid. He goes, no, I'm telling you. I swear to God, there's a ghost. I go, there's no ghost. He goes, there's a ghost. He goes, things are moving know it's been moving for three hours i don't know i'm losing my mind i go just go to bed you're embarrassed this is embarrassing man my roommate's gone just stop being an embarrassed did you just this is sad we're too grown for this wake i go to bed and then i wake up in the morning and then he's sitting on the couch i go go, wow, last night, man, you were being, what's wrong with you?

He goes, I'm telling you. As he goes, I'm telling you, there was some there. An Asian man comes out of my roommate's room and goes right to the bathroom. Doesn't acknowledge us. Goes into the bathroom, and we just were stuck for like 10 minutes. Like, who is that? And he goes, I'm telling you, man, I told you.

I go, that's not a ghost first of all he's making stew in the bathroom he was making stew all night and it turns out it was my roommate's friend who was just supposed to drop back her car he was using and not stay over so he slept in her bed didn't tell her that guy's insane that guy's nuts and didn't answer us like we didn't acknowledge that we were there or anything like that he heard us talking he could have came on me like hey i'm a guy who's staying here i don't mean to scare your your 28 year old friend or three-year-old friend to think there was a ghost in your house but what do you think a ghost just moved that? Something fell off the table here. But also, if it was a guy who was dropping, like, who would? Oh, yeah, I dropped off your car, and then I noticed the car keys had a house key attached.

And then I went in there. There was a bed open, so I thought, time for sleep. They're not friends anymore, man. I don't even think I talk to her that much anymore, but they're not friends. Good. Good. That's no kind of friend. She was like mad at him.

And I was like, rightfully so you should be. That scared me and my friend. Yeah. Who was visiting. We were afraid. We were scared. Dave, what's going on with you? Oh, you guys.

Not much. You guys are both bearded men. Yes. You are also a bearded man. I am. At the moment. Yeah. And I have beards.

I usually have a four-month beard a year. Yeah. And I've never put anything in it. And eventually, usually when I... Not even bits of corn? Stew? Crumbs? Stew? Eventually,

at the end of my four-month run, the thing that gets me to shave my beard is like, it gets dandruff. And I don't know what to do about it. And I've tried using dandruff shampoo in my beard. Yeah. But I don't get dandruff shampoo in my beard. Yeah. Uh,

but I don't get dandruff on top of my head. And so I, do you guys put anything in your beards? I, I both use, I use, uh, dandruff shampoo,

uh, like only like, like once a week or whatever. And then also like, like a beard oil. I use beard oil, but I shampoo and conditioner every day now, but I don't think that's good. But someone told me they had the same problem.

And you have no hair on your head. I have no hair on top of my head, but they said that that's could have been, could this dude who has a beard said that he doesn't put, he doesn't use shampoo or conditioner because it leaves dandruff in his beard. So he stopped doing it and he just wets it. He just puts water on it. But I, but you could use beard oil.

So you get a beard oil and it comes in a little like. Little tube. Yeah. A little eye dropper thing. Yeah. I use that. And then you,

does it smell? So you can get really nice smells. Yeah. It just conditions it. I think it just makes it look clean because before mine would be all raggedy. And also because the skin under the beard is not

getting the same type of like elements right as the rest of your head sure uh well so i went to a store where they sell men's products an apothecary sort of uh like a skincare hair care store sure for men yeah. It was, everything was steel grates. Yeah. They had like six big games going on the big screen. Six big games.

Served you a beer on your way in. Oh, yeah, cool. I'm a man. I'm a man. Every time you leave you say that. Because it's gnarly

to take care of your skin. Vroom, vroom, buddy. You're a man. And so we, I asked the guy there, like, what can I put in my beard? I don't want anything that smells. Yeah. Because I'm, like, I don't wear cologne. I don't think anything, like, anything that's, like, a manly smell, like, you know.

Burnt wood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A a manly smell, like, you know, burnt wood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A tree. Like, what are they? Like leather. Leather, yeah. But I don't think they smell like what they say they smell like. They just smell like you're going to the club.

Yeah. That's true. They just smell like a weird spice. Yeah. Yeah. So I asked for, like, what do you have that's odorless? And he found this thing that. Blew the dust off it.

It was like a, it's like a cream that you put on. And he said, oops, I gave you the wrong one. And I had already tried it out and it smells so good. But it doesn't smell manly. Yeah. It smells like, I thought it was Sprite, but it's more accurately like a lime lollipop. That's great. Like a green lifesaver.

That sounds great. It's so good. So, uh, but I, it's like, uh, yeah. So now my, it's just a matter of finding the right time to put it in. Cause like I put it in right before you guys came over today. Cause I just, I don't want to do it before I like i put it in right before you guys came over today because i just i don't want to do it before i brush my teeth for some reason yeah you don't want the collision of lime and mint but now i'm drinking coffee and i'm getting like limey coffee through my beard

through my mustache how's that good no that's not good at all okay so it's a it's basically i need like a an hour window after i put it in to not to not do any but that's just me i think yeah the the idea of putting oil on my face just seems i feel like i've been trying to get oil off my face since i turned 12 yeah it's uh the first couple times i did it it felt very counterintuitive because i was like, because I also like, I've got really thin hair, so it gets greasy very easily. So I'm like, I don't want to give my head any ideas about grease levels. Like, oh, he has so much and it starts soaking it up into my hair.

But yeah, like after doing it for a while, I was like, this is the thing. This is the thing to do. I feel my beard got shinier, but that could just be in my head. uh people are you got a nice shiny beard thank you thank you now when did you uh because you you completely shave your head uh that's not by choice i if i had hair i wish i could if i still had hair it would be great but when did you make the decision when were you like this is this is untenable as a hairdo 27 27 maybe, maybe 25 even it was. Wow. I started to thin out.

And you were like. Yeah, I shaved my head once when I was younger because I think my boy, this light-skinned dude, he shaved. And I was like, yeah, I'm going to be cool. And then I saw his girl. Graham, you're my light-skinned boy. Thank you. I think it was a woman that we knew or he knew or his girlfriend that like shaved his head for him. And I thought that was the dopest thing ever.

So I want to do that. And then I shaved my head. But then later on, I'm like, man, I have no more hair. Yeah. It's like, yeah. It was just like, it was situation critical. Yeah. And then I grew my beard out of depression and,

um, and here we are. I had sex with a girl and she said, I like your beard. And I never looked back, man. Easily, easily converted.

So sad. One girl. So sad. One girl, man. Just need one girl. It looks good. I go,

okay. Okay. Done and done for the rest of my life but i told her i was depressed the stance this beard had meaning i was very sad it was gonna move to edmonton oh no that's how sad me and my beard were we were gonna move to edmonton we're gonna move to edmonton yeah wow you moved to i didn't move anywhere i stayed stayed in Toronto. Just worked on your beard for a while. Just worked on my emotions. Oh, good.

Good. I think they're tied together, the beard and the emotions. And then just mingling with women and enjoying my life. No beard oil, though. No. No beard oil. No, not until, that was just recent. Because again, I think that somebody, a barber, was like, man, you got to, do you put anything on this?

I go, no. Man, it is. You're so disgusting. Mayo must be relevant. A lot of crumbs, man. Back off, bud. Yeah, I felt weird. I mean, I didn't feel weird, but like, I don't like talking to anyone in a store.

Yeah. Yeah, I can see that. Because, you know, on the one hand, maybe they're an expert. On the other hand maybe it's their first day they know they'll never tell you oh yeah like that's the even if i get like if i go to the pharmacy and it's like a prescription i've never had before and they're like have you had this before i'm like of course i love this stuff i don't want to talk about it uh you know this makes your dick wide.

But flat. Like a beaver tail? Yeah, yeah. Like a stingray. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just give me the bills and stop talking to me. I'm the same way as both of you guys.

It's like, I don't know, do you go to a barber? That's why I think I like my beard too because the barber interaction is fun. I go to a barber that's why I think I like my beard too I go to a hairstylist but yeah

she's not a I don't think she has much beard knowledge yeah I love going to barbers they're just so they're hilarious they're just weirdo

type people that's why I think too why I don't want to shave it I'm like just that so you go to a barber shop and get it all trimmed up get it all trimmed up

that's nice that guy is into urban culture I'm very urban culture it was one I go to a barbershop and get it all trimmed up? Get it all trimmed up. That's nice. This guy is into urban culture. I'm very urban culture. It was one, I go to one Junior's. Well, now he has his own shop called Junior's, but he was in Dip, the clothing store, and he had a barber chair. And then one time I went and he was just trimming my beard

and it just smelled like shrimp. I go, what's happening here? And I just didn't have the courage. I was so passive aggressive, but it was bothering me. I'm like, I'm going to faint. And I just, I broke. I go, dude, what are you, do you, what are you, it smells like shrimp in here. And then he goes, like, as he's trimming my beard, he goes, ah, sorry, dog, man.

I had shrimp at the food court. I was in a rush. I go, you don't wash your hands? Shrimp in my mouth? They're hanging out of a shirt pocket. I'm still eating shrimp. You can't necessarily get the smell off. I know, but it was like maybe just reschedule the appointment.

It was nauseating. Last night I made chicken wings. Yeah. And I kind of semi-deep fry them. I flipped them over in a thing. Yeah. In some oil. And the whole house smells like oil for days and abby

had yoga afterwards and she was like there's a lot of bringing your hands up to your face and like namaste and she could just smell chicken wing that's that's not good for yoga no i disagree i think it's the best yeah just remembering that delicious thing you ate. I wish I could do yoga behind a KFC. Dude, KFC is the best, man. The best for what? In China, it's the number one. They said it was the number one dining. Oh, really?

People going out because they still respect it. Wow. They were everywhere, man. KFC? Yeah, they said you could take a date to KFC and she wouldn't be disrespected I go let's go back to that time to that time

2017 China you can't do that here at all I I get the urge for KFC every six months and but I get I get why it's bad

I get like it makes me sick every time. Not like, physically sick, but like a stomach ache every time. That's how I am

with Big Macs. I had one two days ago or yesterday and this is the greatest. I was like, this is why it's bad and good at the same time.

And did it make you feel sick? Oh, I was sick, but it was all worth it. I feel like KFC is the original beard oil. Yeah. You wear it on your face after you eat it.

I think KFC was one of the last things I ate as a meat eater when I was like, well, I think I'm done. I think I was eating popcorn chicken and I was like, oh, that's even good too, man. I used to love it, but I remember it just feeling so awful. Well, because as kids, my mom and dad would just get us that stuff. So you got used to it like Burger King,

McDonald's. We just got used to Taco Bell. Yeah. So then you just forget how much you had as a child. You're like,

why do I like this so much? You're like, oh, okay, man, we had at least once a week.

Because it was so yummy and easy. Yeah. And cheap. Very, very cheap. Arby's just bought what,

Buffalo Wild Wings or something? Yeah. For $2.3 billion. What? And everyone's like, where did Arby's get for 2.3 billion dollars and everyone's like where did harvey's get 2.3 billion dollars people love buffalo my family will go there and get super excited i don't know their food's not that good right i don't i don't know what kind of market

i get excited about boston pizza like i'll like i just love like there's some kind of nostalgia tied to it or or like nostalgia or something new. Like when, when Vancouver got a Krispy Kreme, like I drove, it was in Delta and I drove there a couple of times. Like, oh wow, this thing that I can't, couldn't get before I can get now. Yeah. I could see that. I would have drove for, uh, uh, yeah. At the time.

At the time. But now. Was it even still around? I think it's still there. I think there's that one in Delta. At the time. But now. Was it even still around? I think it's still there. I think there's that one in Delta. Yeah. Yeah. It's weird.

The, like, like the nostalgic, cause it's not even that the food is, uh, good or bad or whatever. It just, but it does like,

it does give you some kind of sense memory thing. See, that's all we did was Taco Bell. We had no money. Like as, even as teens, we just run, we drive around. We didn't have it. Oh, yeah. So it was Taco Bell. We had no money. Even as teens, we'd just drive around.

We didn't have it. Oh, yeah. It was taco time out here. Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah. I've had taco time, but Taco Bell, guys. Gorditas, et cetera. I've had Taco Bell since, and I do love it.

And every time I go to America, we get it. Yeah. Yeah, why not? Treat yourself. The McDonald's I went into on Broadway, 24 hours, they were blaring Backstreet Boys, like loud. What song? Quit Playing Games With My Heart.

Oh, boy. Can't beat it. Yeah. And then the two workers were singing it. Oh, wow. Like, how loud. And it was like just, at first it was just me and them, and they were going in.

Were they young people or, like? Older, like, maybe in their late 30s. I love that the night shift at McDonald's is, like, kind of loose. They were very loose. People were coming in and just, like, pumped. Some guy was like, are you guys playing Backstreet Boys? And they were like, yeah. And they're like, you guys are singing.

And it just changed the, I felt better about my choice. Yeah. You know what I mean? I was like, you know, this is a dirt bag. Because all of a sudden it's fun.

And there was a, I don't know if it's still there, but there was a Denny's on Davie Street. Yeah. And for a long time, there was a club upstairs. And all the sound would bleed into the Denny's. So it was just like eating Denny's in a nightclub.

I've been to that Denny's, man, many times. Many times. Yeah. And it was just like, it just felt exotic. Sit there and eat eggs. Exotic eating eggs. You're under my hammy. Bienvenido a mi hammy Graham what's up with you?

Well a couple weeks ago I was on this I went on this tour with the debaters I went to all these towns Small towns all over BC And You went to Trail I went to Duncan I went to Vernon

I went to Kamloops I went to Duncan. I went to Vernon. I went to, uh, Kamloops. I went to Cranbrook. Yeah. Drove everywhere. Duncan? Duncan's on the island. Yeah.

We went Duncan. We did Nanaimo. Oh, wow. Um, yeah, we went, we, we hit all, all the hotspots. That's amazing though. Did you see the big hockey stick? I saw the big hockey stick. Saw it in the daytime. Saw it at night. It in the daytime saw it at

night it's got lights on it at night nighttime they play backstreet boys around it and they have stew same joke over and over but uh you sometimes when you're driving and like the town that's coming up has kind of like an attraction they'll have a billboard that'll be like stop in at whatever our go-kart yeah exactly and uh so we were driving to uh to vernon and there was this there was a billboard on the side of the road there was just a dog i think wearing sunglasses and it said log barn and And that was it. I was like, okay, well, my interest is peaked.

It didn't say where log barn was. Oh, well, but what are you imagining? A barn made of logs? Well, I'm picturing a giant barn and then like, I don't know,

some cool animals in there, like a petting zoo maybe. I don't know. And then the next picture I think was maybe a guy like skydiving and it's a log bar and i was like what is this place that's amazing gabbo gabbo and then the signs started increasing in it like it was like at first it was 10 minutes between signs and then it became five minutes between signs and the signs got crazier and crazier and they would be like a picture of like a chameleon and then it would say what you could buy there was like you could buy

pepperoni you could buy something called butter cheese which i've never heard of before and uh and so i started to get pretty excited about log barn vernon vernon log barn or outside vernon outside vernon like literally a roadside attraction. Like there's, there's in between towns. And so we're in the car, we're all kind of discussing like log barn. Like this is. So you weren't keeping this to yourself? No, no, no, no, no.

We were all. Were you like, did you guys just see that? Are my eyes playing tricks on me? We're all seeing these signs for log barn, right? This isn't some sort of mirage or whatever. And then the signs like shorter and shorter times. Now it's like

two minutes. There's so many signs. It was crazy how many billboards they have for this thing. Yeah. And then we come over kind of the crest of a little hill and then we go right past it. Like there's no sign that says like like, turn. Turn here for Log Barn. So we're just driving so fast and we're like, oh my god

that must have been... So we missed it completely. You didn't make the driver turn around? We were kind of like we thought about going back, but then we were like, I don't know, by the point that we could have turned around, we were kind of over.

I'm Googling Vernon Log Barn. Oh, no, it's just giving me results for the professional baseball player, Vernon Log Barn. The outside of it, it had all these dinosaur statues, like a dinosaur pulling an all-timey carriage and stuff. So it was like

What is this place? I still don't know. I looked it up and it was like, it was, is this place? I still don't know. I still like, I looked it up and it's, it's like a place you can get ice cream and people, some food. So, uh,

according to Google, uh, it's a two out of five, uh, people typically spend up to 30 minutes there and it's an Armstrong, British Columbia. And it's apparently the, the town folk hate it.

Oh, because it, why? Because. The first headline, new owners still trying to move the log barn beyond past controversies. Yeah, yeah. So it's like the people that owned it, I guess it used to be like a quaint little roadside stand. And then these new owners came in and they put all these dinosaurs. Pepperoni. Pepperoni.

They put all these dinosaur statues and all these crazy billboards up. And people were like, oh, come on, man. You're making it into something insane. You're dirtying it, man. This was cute and adorable. And so now it's under new. And maybe they were avoiding paying taxes Or something like that Or were operating without a business license

What do you think log barn costs to buy? The whole thing? Yeah $50,000 $2.7 million Wow, so that's where the controversy is It must be above a gold mine It's hot property

They found oil on the property. Can you do a debaters at the log barn? I wish. We missed it. It was impossible to find. So it was just crazy that they had advertised it so extensively. Few businesses in the North Okanagan have done more to court customers and controversy than the log barn.

Yeah. You know the one. How could you miss it? Nearly a dozen billboards and several dinosaurs, lions, dragons, and adorable goats try to draw tourists off the busy highway and into the farmland business for a sausage or a hot dog or a take-home pie. Yeah. So, like, I guess you could buy a bunch of different stuff.

And are you seeing animals or is just, you're getting pepperoni? I think you're doing both. You're seeing where the pepperoni comes from and then you're buying a pepperoni. We are not the log barn of the past, says Liang Zhao, one of the property owners. We are the new log barn. See, and they'll have to put up new billboards saying all new log barn. Not this ain't your grandpa's log barn. So it's like so many billboards and you miss it that quickly.

Yeah. Because they didn't put a thing like log barn in 10 meters. Yeah. They might as well have put like a sign up right after it. Whoops. You miss log barn. You're probably going to miss it. Um,

yeah. So I didn't get to go in, but, uh, but they, they did a great job. It's been on the lips of me and everybody that was in that car. Oh, sure. Did you talk about it that night on the show?

And it killed. People love the Log Barn? Well, they love just hearing that you know what Log Barn is. And yeah, it was, but I still like, and past guest Emmett Hall, he's from armstrong yeah so i said to him i was like uh he said how was the tour i said i went by a log barn and he right away he knew he's like oh yeah that disdain yeah yeah in his tone because i feel like maybe maybe the town is like you're the first thing that people see as they drive into our town. Yeah, no proper representation if you know the truth.

And what do we want to be known for? Wine. Wine, cheese. Wine, cheese, sure. But yeah, I like. And also, have you ever heard of butter cheese? No. No, me neither.

Not a chance. And we thought maybe the sign was like butter cheese, but it was together. I forgot the and. Yeah, no, I think it's something called butter cheese, but it was together. I forgot the end. Yeah. No, I think it's something called butter cheese. Well, butter milk is a thing. Could it be cheese made out of butter milk? Yeah.

I mean, it's all coming out of the same hole. A cow's nipple. People don't like to think of it as a hole. Yeah, yeah. But it is, though. Yeah. Otherwise, how would it come out? Think about it, people, even if you don't want to.

You got to really give it a tug. Oh, yeah. Kind of a counter. You got to squeeze more than tug. You got to kind of squeeze it. Have you ever milked anything? No. No chance.

I just siphon it. I give it a little suck to get it going, and it just pours out. Pour it into your car. Yeah. Do we want to move on over here? Log barn. Hey, Helen Hong. Yes, J. Keith Van Straten?

What's the difference between a layover and a stopover? I have no idea. What's the difference between optimal and optimum? I have no idea. Well, what's the difference between optimal and optimum? I have no idea. What's the difference between an actual conversation and a promo for our new show on Maximum Fun, Go Fact Yourself? Nobody has any idea. Go Fact Yourself, the game show with celebrity contestants, super smart experts, and answers to questions you've never even asked.

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talking about the stuff we love. Catch us every Wednesday on MaximumFun.org or wherever you decide to get your podcasts. I'm not going to judge. Overheard. The machine of a dream. Such a clean machine.

Oh, this is about having sex with his car? With the pistons of purpose Yeah, there it is. And the hubcaps all blue I'm holding your rear Oh, here is your gear Here is your gear

I think so In my rear Your grease gun Gross My grease gun's like a disease, son? Yeah Right? Because

We can all relate to that. So that was a song about a man starting to have sex with his car. Well, he's getting going. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got his hand on the wheel. But like, Freddie Mercury is the lead singer of your band. Don't come with this idea like, you know, I know you're a great singer,

but here's what I would like to do. This is my contribution to the band. I'm the drummer, and here's what I would like to do. Here's what I've been thinking during our concerts. I kind of zone out and just start thinking about doing it with my British auto car. An MG, mate. Some of those cars are so small it could go on top. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Like one of those little minis or those three-wheel guys? It could go on top. Overhears. Yep. It's a segment in which we hear things out there in the world and then we talk about them right here on the podcast. We always like to start with the guest, Dave. Although we did sneak up on him.

Yeah. So if you don't have an overheard right away, would you like someone else to start? All right. Then we'll go with Dave S. Huh. Huh. Well, mine's more of an overseen. And I was at the pet store.

You know, I like to get my dog a special thing to nibble on. Yeah. I like to get him bags to clean up his waste. Yeah. I like to get him food, you know. He deserves it. Frankly, I'll get him a little spray probiotic to keep the farts away. Hey, there you go.

Smart. That's just smart for both of you. Yeah. go smart that's that's just smart for both of you yeah uh but uh they had this big basket full of where you could put dog food for it was a pet food bank okay and like i guess there's animals in need yeah and you can if you're if you can't give your or maybe it goes to a shelter i don't know where this right yeah sure like because you might show up with a dog at the shelter right yeah so it's If you can't, give your, or maybe it goes to a shelter. I don't know where this is going. Yeah, sure. Because you might show up with a dog at the shelter.

Right. Yeah. So it's, I don't know how it works exactly, but it was filled with dog food and one book. Was it a Clancy? It was a book called Very Important Pets, VIPs. It was a book called Very Important Pets, VIPs. And it had a picture of Elizabeth Taylor and a dog on Larry King. Like on the Larry King set. Oh, boy.

Well, this goes in here. How do you get rid of a book like that? Recycling. Yeah, recycling. That's true. Leave it out on the curb with a free sign. I guess nobody's keeping a watchful eye over the basket.

Just anything's ending up in there. Yeah, no, it's the Old West in there, man. The Old West. Anything goes. Yeah, it's real

Idlewild in there. I've never heard of a, of a pet, uh, food bank before. That's, this is a first. Yeah. I've never heard that either. I'm not sure how it works, but I'm not, I'll be perfectly honest. Not sure how a regular food bank works. Me either. Yeah.

I guess it goes there and then they, yeah, they would say that. Do I need to go to a food bank if I'm, if I want food? Uh, yes. If I'm in need? If you. Do I need to go to the food bank if I want food? If I'm in need? If you're in need, you go to the food bank. Or do I, am I on their list and they bring me up? No, I don't think they deliver. They don't do like a HelloFresh recipe? Of non-perishables?

No, I think you go to one of their centers. And then I believe that either, depending on the center, they either give you just like, here's a bag of assorted or other places you can go through and pick this stuff. But I think it depends on how beans, I want beans,

beans waxed. Yeah. Baked bushes. Um, my, uh, overheard is, uh,

and by the way, that's my privilege. I'm just checking my privilege. Yeah. Check it. Hey, I've never been to a food bank there. I said it like,

I think a lot of people go through life, not even considering such a thing. That's absolutely. Let's take a second. Check our privilege. Checked. There it is. Still there.

Um, I, uh, I was on the train. Also a privilege. You know, you get on a train. Chugga chugga, chugga chugga. It works. It gets me where I'm going. It's clean, relatively.

It's a clean machine. Yeah. Oh, boy. I can get my hands on that machine. You can get your grease gun going in there. Grease gun. It's like a disease, son. gun going in there it's like a disease son i uh there was these two uh younger kids brothers obviously by the way they were interacting because the they were standing on either side of like

where you hold on to like a pole and the one brother was grabbing the other brother by his backpack straps and pulling him into the pole so that was a fun game that they were doing most of the ride. And then the one brother said, you know what I wish I had? I wish I had a phone case that made my iPhone 4 look like an iPhone X. And then his brother goes, that's the dumbest idea. And then his little brother goes, well just think about it he says would you rather have 13 iphone 4s or one iphone x his brother said 13 iphone 4s i guess just like you know you could really show off you could have one one in each pocket yeah yeah 13 iphone 4s

what's the math on that? I don't know how. Yeah. That's a great debate, though. Yeah. That's an iPhone 52. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And it's like, it's a debate that only, you could only trust your brother to have that. Like, you could only have that debate with somebody that you trust. Because otherwise, you're going to get, you're going to get laughed out of the room. Oh yeah. That's all that's. You have to have some, uh,

emotional connection. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's got to be deep. It's got to be family. A guy from tell us the, the local, uh,

cable and, and phone provider came to my door yesterday, which, why are they still doing this? No, I'm, and I'm a client of theirs so they don't have a list of who who not to bother right because they were like well what are you using for

internet yours yeah yeah yeah well what's what but which uh level of service i don't know i don't have a bill in front of me like i don't know what you call your are you using you know 150 up yeah like i don't i don't know the names of the thing. It's fine. It's fast. It's good. Yeah. Well, what kind of cell phone do you have?

And I was like, an iPhone 6. Do you have 6 or 7? Because we, like, we're doing this thing on an iPhone 8 now. I was like, I don't, like, don't come to my house. I know. Leave me alone. Yeah, yeah. What year is it?

It's true. When you get uh because around especially around an election you'll get people that just knock on your door and ask you yeah who are you thinking of voting for and you're like yeah does this work i guess this must work but also like you come to my house you want to know my phone number like i don't know you have a little badge from telus yeah it's got a lizard on it or something like that. So it's official. But, like, I'm not reading it. Let me get your number.

Let me get your employee number for my records. Yeah. It ruined my day. I was so mad. Don't come to my house, futuristic company that sells me internet. Like, this is like a milkman does this. Yeah. They're behind in the times,

man. Thank you. Grow up. Grow up. Speaking of growing up, who has the next overheard? Dave, do you have one?

Yeah. But overseas. That's fine. Overseas or sea. I was flying back to, from China to Vancouver. And the lady in the middle seat, you know, we get settled, and then I was looking to my left in the TV, and I looked to my right, and she's clipping her toes into a cup. I was like, holy man.

Her toenails, though, not the entire toe, right? Just the toenails, thank God, right? I was like, this lady does not care, right? Well, she cares enough to use a cup. Yeah. So she's conscious enough that this is wrong, what she's doing. Yeah, nobody seemed to care. The lady next to her either, you know, is like normal, right?

So I go, well, this is only an hour in. There's 13 more hours. How can you turn this up? How can this go to another level? Or is it just staying at this level? I kind of turn, because it's not one of those windows where you could just slide down

because I don't like looking out. I'm kind of scared of, I'm scared of flying. Sure. And there might be a goblin on the wing. Might be a goblin flying around. It's one of those dim, you have to press the dim thing

but i was panicking the dim wasn't working and i'm seeing clouds i go this this is awful i can't do this for 13 hours i'm gonna have i'm in a snap i turn back to the middle lady and uh she's where she's uh wearing a full face mask man so she's having a real spa day I thought it was fake man but it was real like a face face black face mask man and she slapped

she just laid back but like eye holes oh you can see her eyes but everything else is covered I almost swore but like and then just

and it looked and it looked at me like I'm the criminal like looked at me like I'm doing weird shit here she's wearing a balaclava. Just fully in embracing this flight.

You know we got to fly 12 more hours. This is not. Who you. Whatever. She's like, I'm fine. My toenails are clipped. Now I can finally sleep. She's wearing pajamas.

That's what bothered me. I'm like, well. She unzips her mouth hole and says, good night. Good night is our safe word. Yeah. Wake me up if they bring little nuts. Yeah. I,

uh, I don't know. I, I've, I've been on a lot of flights where people are doing a lot of, a lot of relaxing. Yeah. And,

uh, you know what all it takes? Lack of self-awareness. That's all you need. Oh, yeah. She didn't care about any of... Then she had the audacity to watch 12 Years of Slavery. I think it was called like...

12 Years of Slave. Yeah, sorry. Seven hours later. I go, you can't do that. You face mask lady. You got to start the flight that way. Yeah, you got to... Yeah.

That's a... Yeah, that's... It's probably a... I yeah you gotta yeah um that's a yeah that's it's probably a I haven't seen it it's a long movie I feel like you shouldn't watch it on a plane it's very sad

yeah it's not like it's not a happy slave movie I don't know why I said it's very sad but it was there were some parts where I was like

I can't I feel uncomfortable yeah like in a sense of like I felt so it makes it's just like it was awful

what was it was awful yeah it's like you don't you don't want anybody next to you watching a movie that has any sex in it

that too I fast forward I don't want people to watch me watch people have sex so I'll shut it off or try to fast forward through it

what do you do you think filmmakers know that like event like back in the day certainly that you'd have to see it in a theater with other people

and they're like, this is going to be weird for everybody. You know, like. I don't know, I don't think I've, I can't remember

the last movie I've seen that had like a sex scene. Like in public. Because I remember as a kid being like, this is weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Seeing it with my parents.

Oh boy. Insecure, on HBO, there was a scene where they were having sex. On the flight, I was, I is weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Seeing it with my parents. Oh, boy. Insecure on HBO, there was a scene where they were having sex. On the flight, I skipped. I moved. Yeah, I went forward on it. I was like, I can't watch this.

Right. I can't have somebody. Someone was next to me. I was like, I don't want them to think I'm watching this. Yeah. For some odd reason. That I'm into this. Yeah. I'm not into this wet stuff.

I don't even know how to watch it. Put your clothes on. Oh uh speaking of hbo this is a total tangent but we were talking a couple weeks ago about golden girls and empty nest and how there used to be old people shows yes yeah have you seen the new season of uh curb your enthusiasm no no larry david's friends are the most decrepit, skeletal. Like, Richard Lewis looks like he's the Crypt Keeper. I love him, though. He's great.

Super Dave is there, and his face cannot move. Oh, so this is our senior citizen show. I think so. Good call. Huh. Yeah. I loved Golden Girls, though so i'm in a senior citizen yeah yeah yeah golden age yeah silver hair it's very dry the way they do

they couldn't if they tried etc um now we also have overheards sent in to us from people around the world. If you want to send one in, send it in to spy at maximumfund.org. This first one comes from Tom M. from New Jersey, home of the Jersey Boys. This is an overseen. I was driving through Pennsylvania and stopped at a rest stop in central PA, which has a well-earned reputation for being an extremely conservative area. Oh, yeah. Rest stops. Log barns.

Yeah. While waiting in line for coffee, I saw an older couple walking through the room. The guy was wearing one of those not all who wander are lost shirts. I don't know. Do you know? One of those? Yeah. Like, I guess that's what it says on it and uh

and then his wife's shirt said in huge bold font sorry i can't hear you over my freedom pretty good pretty good is freedom loud i guess a lot of parades involved. Yeah, yeah. Fireworks. The Rockets' red glare. Uh-huh. No, freedom's cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Freedom is cool. Yeah. Yeah.

But I didn't know, I didn't think of it as being particularly loud. I guess so. People are really proud to be free. Yeah. And I think that means, like, you know, gun ownership. Some screaming, I feel. Yeah. I,

I, do you feel free? Yeah, I feel fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like being free.

Yeah. I feel free. I don't, you know, consider, I don't make a big deal about it. No, no,

no. Maybe I should though. But maybe, like, maybe we're not free. Oh, yeah. Because they, these people are, I should, though. But maybe we're not free. Oh, yeah. Because these people are the people who love freedom. Maybe they're freer.

Yeah, maybe they're more free. Are you talking about free body-wise or mind? Because I've been locked up so long. That's like every rap. Oh, sure. You ever meet that guy that tells you that? You're like, dude, we're just having brunch. No, what? rap like oh sure you ever meet that guy that tells you that you're like dude we're just having brunch no way you're like someone some guy gets like political he's like we are we really free bro and then you're like man i'm eating a samosa yeah yeah yeah i don't want to hear this now

we're at the disco denny's we're trying to have fun here those guys yeah enjoy your french toast freedom guys are loud i feel like yeah you, you're right. When they speak like that, they're loud. Yeah, they're pretty loud. They're tone to get their point across. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Good for them. Yeah.

Celebrating their freedom. I guess I could be more free. Yeah. Yeah. Or vocal about it. Sure. Because we're kind of low-key about our freedom. I don't like to wear shirts with slogans on them.

So I guess. Oh, like if you say, fuck Trump, those are the funniest ones. It's like, why? Come on, man. No one cares. No, I mean like I can't hear you over my freedom. Like that kind of thing. Am I a prisoner of my, you know, disdain for, you know, logos?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. All you just got to, the way to cure that is like symbols. Some sort of symbol of freedom oh sure like a bird cracking out of an egg or something like that dinosaur a dinosaur cracking out of an egg yeah sure um this next one comes from spencer from new hampshire i was shopping one day and i overheard what i assume Was a husband and wife The husband asked the wife Where's Greg?

Which I assume Was their kid The wife asked back Who? And the husband Quickly responded You know The little person

That follows us around All the time So that doesn't necessarily Mean it was their kid Oh sure Maybe they're followed By a ghost Maybe it's a goblin

Goblin's coming up Greg the goblin That's a show I'd watch as a kid. I mean, Greg the Goblin. Greg the Goblin is a great show. It's pretty great. I think, was Fred Savage in it? He would, though.

He's the voice. He's the voice of the dad. Or Elijah Wood would do something weird like that. Yeah. Greg the Goblin. That's pretty good. What's a hobgoblin? Like a hobbyist goblin.

Only does it on the weekends. Oh, sure. He does like... Works at a soup kitchen? Goblin reenactment? Yeah. Of the great goblin wars? Of famous goblin battles?

I'm just more of a hobgoblin. Reenactment is great. No one ever does pre-enactment. This is what's gonna happen. Yeah. Robot war pre-enactment is great. No one ever does pre-enactment. This is what's going to happen. Yeah. Robot war pre-enactments. I guess that's what movies are. I'm sorry.

I lost this email. I was just trying to find the... Well, you know what? We'll vamp. Yeah, you guys vamp. Give me a beat. I don't have... Like, beatbox? I don't have anything. Oh, come on. No, I don't have i don't like beatbox i don't have anything oh come on no i i don't go ahead you got one sorry just i'm getting ready to

sorry i will get to it but i'm really locked up I'm not free in my throat. Sorry about this. I'm really. Do you have a lozenge? I bet that was a good, like, that's the kind of joke someone would make in the 80s. Trying to, like, make fun of old hip hop. Oh, yeah. But it would get a standing O.

Oh, yeah. No, it's good still. Also, yeah, they would make a lot of jokes about break dancing and about how it would hurt. And they're going to break. I'm afraid of breaking my pancreas. Not breakable, but funny comedy word. I don't know where the hell this email vanished to. We once called once in a Vancouver club. I was dancing by the dj

but by i was like just having fun i was a little tipsy and i made eye contact with a guy who was really dancing like he was for real like he was having he was i don't know if he was a dancer but he was really into it i was just joking with the dj and another comedian d archie and that guy locked eyes with me and then the rest of the club saw that we locked eyes and he started to come at me like he started to dance his way at me and but when he got to me he did some kind of finishing move and got a huge applause break and I was like and he goes I think he said I beat you like I wasn't even in it yeah I just I was staring this is not a fair dance competition yeah

there should be some rules like you have to walk up and slap him with a glove yeah and one of us needs to know

how to dance yeah me I'm gonna do that at the next wedding I'm gonna challenge the bride me and you

um this last overheard comes from uh brian or brie uh you know what it is it's brian up top and brie on the bottom b-r-i-o-n b-r-e-n b-r-i-e-n brie i don't know brian brian uh just switch to like Brittany. Yeah. This is from Brittany from Denver. Unless it's a man, then Brian. Yeah. Can a woman be Brian?

Why not? Well, a lot of girls are getting named Ryan. Oh, yeah. So why not Brian? Why not Brian? And if you're Brian, why not like Brian Adams? Why not Brian Adams? Just go all the way.

Name your daughter Brian Adams. Brian Adams. And then whatever your last name is. Yeah. Yeah. On the train to the airport the other day, I overheard an interesting statement. I'm not sure where these men were ultimately headed, but I heard one say, the closest Jack in the box is 630 miles away.

I checked. Looks like we'll have to eat at Arby's. That's where they're making their money off people who couldn't get to a Jack in the Box. Great callback. I don't think I've ever eaten at either. I did as a kid. I had both.

Yeah, I went to Arby's and remember being so mad at the adult that brought me there. It wasn't good. I think it's good. I had both. Yeah. I went to Arby's and remember being so mad at the adult that brought me there. I've heard. It wasn't good. I think it's good. I've never been. But people rave about their horsey sauce. Yeah.

Well. Oh, that's good. No way. I'm mixing up to Harvey. Sorry. Harvey's still sucks. Harvey's is good. Harvey's is great.

Harvey's is awesome. But as a kid, I remember like we were going out for fast food and then my friend's dad took us to Arby's and I was like, what the fuck is this? Roast beef sandwich? Yeah.

What are you, what are you joking me here? I thought we were going out for fast food. Delicious. Jack in the Box is good though. Is it?

Yeah. What do they have? Sourdough. They have sourdough. But do they make burgers there? Burgers, yeah. Yeah.

I had one. Oh, maybe I've had it once. I think I got real sick off of it. That's what I thought. Wasn't he a co-op? Yeah. Because you did get one. Oh, maybe I've had it once. I think I got real sick. That's what I thought. Because you did get sick. I would never go.

I was like, I'm not going when I was in LA. My boy was like, why? I go, it was an article that somebody got sick years ago when I was a kid. And he just let it go. someone died. Multiple people died.

And we went and it was delicious. They've got the meats. Hey, you know, they made a comeback. Oh, wait, no. Jack in the Box doesn't have the meats Arby's does and additional overords that are written in

we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us I'm not even going to joke around about not knowing the number because I pulled it up already the phone number is 1-844-779-7631 that's one spy pod one like these people have.

Mwahaha. Mwahaha. Mwahaha. Mwahaha. Here we go. Hello, Dave and Graham. Hi. I am calling from California and I was out to lunch with my husband

and I overheard this gentleman saying, do you know why they call it that? husband and I overheard this gentleman saying do you know why they call it that? Do you know why they call it an astronaut? Astronaut. Get it? It's not real.

Oh brother, every brunch with this guy. You get it man? They're trying to tell us in the name. That guy, man, is the worst. He's always the worst. Not must mean like, is it like Greek or Latin for traveler?

Yeah, because it's like argonaut. Yeah, cosmonaut. Astronaut. Yeah, octonauts. Yeah, yeah. What's an octonaut? It's a kid's show about underwater Astronaut. Yeah. Octonauts. Yeah. Yeah. What's an octonaut? It's a kid's show about underwater.

Sweet. Yeah. Cool. Is it aquanauts or octonauts? I don't know. Ah, if you don't know, I have no idea.

So slipknot. That's true. They explored the terror. Traveling through terror. But yeah, good. Like, because the moon landing people, or something. They're traveling through terror. But yeah, good, like, because the moon

landing people, they know that astronauts do exist. Are there people who are like, oh no, no one's been to space? I think there's

people that, oh, maybe there are people that are like, oh, we've never even gone out to space. What about that

Red Bull guy who went to the edge of space? Remember how famous he was for like a day? And how everyone somehow watched that thing live? Yeah, yeah. That's true. Everyone accidentally turned their TV on or it was streaming on Facebook or something? Yeah.

But I distinctly remember watching it and being like, yeah, how did I end up? I didn't know this was on, but why am I watching this? I guess it's on every channel, like the State of the Union. Oh, that would be the best if at the end of the State of the Union, the president got in a plane. If the president had to give the whole speech in the time it took him to fall from space. So cool. Here's your next phone call

guys hey david graham is possibly getting all over in ohio calling in with an overseen i just pulled up at a stoplight behind this bmw that they apparently just bought because it has temporary plates on it and there's a bumper sticker on the back of it that says, I have erectile dysfunction and there's a frowny face at the end of the bumper sticker. Seems way too on the nose. Well, maybe that's one of the conditions that this person got this new car.

BMW, yeah. Like, I'll give you a huge discount because we can't take this bumper sticker off. Yeah. We've tried and it won't come off. It means something different in German. Or is that like, is that the kind of thing

like a vandal would make up? Like, I'm BMW Banksy. Oh, yeah. And he's going around. And I stick these to the bmw's the owner is like a loser i mean that's a third possibility well it's not technically erectile dysfunction it's just it's like a beaver tail it's flat it's wide i took this weird medicine yeah uh the pharmacist wanted to talk to me about it and i was like i'm out of here It's wide. I took this weird medicine. Yeah. The pharmacist wanted to talk to me about it, and I was like, I'm out of here.

They call it male slot disease. I'm pretty good at, like, cleaning under a door with it. Just attach a Swiffer. Here's your final phone call. Hi, gentlemen and or lady, if applicable. My name's Gary. I'm calling from Los Angeles. Hi, Gary. I am a Lyft driver, and I've decided to break my oath of not revealing conversations in my car and let you know about an overheard

I heard. Two gentlemen, they were talking in the back. They were talking about one of their favorite gay bars and how it had changed owners. And when the new owners were taking it in a different direction he said, you know once they took the dicks down from the wall I knew things were going downhill.

Yeah, I mean that's oh boy, new ownership there goes the neighborhood. New bonership. Their new bonership. If you took the dick down, I would probably be pissed too. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, yeah. I'm pissed now. I mean, this is your local. This is your hangout. Yeah. Yeah. I wonder if there were load bearing. Yeah.

I wonder if you could go in, take your hat off off, throw it on the wall. That's wicked. I'm in. Long day at work. Woo! Put your little, your paperboy hat on there. I'm into that. Bring the dicks back. Yeah. Yeah! Come on, that was one of the big attractions

of this place. Yeah, we've got the meats. It was an Arby's. It was an Arby's. It was an Arby's. It was a gay Arby's. Gay Arby's. How can they never do that? Like a bar can just be a gay bar,

but like a franchised McDonald's can't be a gay McDonald's. Can't be a gay McDonald's. That's true. I mean, hmm. Hmm.

Come on. I wonder if it's one of those things. There's nothing in the rule book that says. It's 2017. Gay Arby's. Gay Arby's. Gay Arby's.

Two gay Arby's is fine. Saying it twice is plenty. That's enough. I think that gets our point across. Dave, this brings us to the end of this episode. I know. Dave M. Oh, okay.

Do you have anything upcoming that you want to plug? In Toronto, December 16th, Comedy Corner. I'll do like three shows, seven, nine, and 11.

The Comedy Corner. The Comedy Corner, yeah. Cool. Little venue, it's like 30 seats. Nice. Where's that? That's right across

the street from Much Music Building. Oh, cool. Right on that. Well, if you can't get in, you can stand outside in the cold, like the Electric Circus guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly, man.

But that's a small theater, so can people get tickets in advance? If you just go to the Comedy Corner website, you can purchase tickets. It's on the front page. Your ticket. It's sort of a speaker's corner. I think that's the vibe he was trying to go for. Was it a speaker's corner kind of vibe? Kind of, because it's got a door.

There's a stage, and behind is a door with a little circle. You peep through the windows. I don't know about that. He talked about that when he was starting it. Cool. The corner. The corner. I like it.

If you guys want to come see something. Yeah, go. I'm not going to make it, but. You'll be there in spirit. No. He'll be there in goblin. Ooh, spirit. And if people want to find you online, where are they?

Facebook, just Dave Marhege, and then Instagram, all the same handle. You got them all. All of it. And then the website is just DaveMarhege.com. Very simple. Very good brand. Good branding. Smart. All of it. And then the website is just amaris.com. Very simple. Very good brand. Good branding, smart,

up to date. Nice. And all you out there, if you want to find us online, you can go to Twitter. We're at Stop Podcasting. We're on Reddit.

Yeah. I think you can actually go to maximumfund.reddit.com and it'll take you there. Cool. There's a reverse way of getting there. You can, we're onfund.reddit.com and it'll take you there. Cool. There's a reverse way of getting there. We're on Facebook. We have a Facebook group.

And you have to ask to join, which is weird. But, you know. Keeps out the. It keeps out the riffraff. Yeah, exactly. And then it'll ask you who are the hosts. And you can make a funny joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The only people we don't let in are people who don't answer that question. Yeah, yeah. If they don't answer. So if you say, you know, if the hosts are Arby's and Jack in the Box. That's fine. That's fine. That'll do. And if you want, you can leave us a review on iTunes.

That sure would be nice. And if you like the show. Oh, and next week is our annual Christmas episode. It's a little weird because uh we release these on mondays and christmas is on a monday but we're gonna do our christmas thang the week before because because on the christmas day we'll be doing our traditional boxing day episode sure um and yeah if you like the show why not spread the word tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

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