Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 510 - Aaron Read

Episode Date: December 25, 2017

Comedian Aaron Read returns to talk Law & Order, a weird disease, and a panto. Plus, the return of What is a Goblin?

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody, welcome to episode number 510 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark, and with me as always is a man who finally got his stonecutter's ring in the mail, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, this is from a ring I got from one of those things, those websites that just make counterfeit things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. those websites that just make counterfeit things yeah yeah we all accept it now you can just get a you know a phoebe buffet enamel pin yeah that's true like it's like nobody's questioned it you can get a patch that's like where the girls from the craft

or like a quote from the craft yeah yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah. Light as a board, stiff as a board. And this is a ring from the Simpsons episode about the Stonecutters. They made Steve Guttenberg a star. And our guest today, returning guest to the podcast, he is a musician. He is an actor. He is a comedian. He is a teacher. Model. He is a son. He is an actor. He is a comedian. He is a teacher. Model. He is a son. He is a father rapper. I am?

It's Aaron Reid. Hello. Hello. Have we ever had a guest who was a bitch, a lover, a child, and a mother? No, because Meredith Brooke didn't show up. What a bitch. No, right. Should we get to know us? Yeah. No, because Meredith Brooks didn't show up. What a bitch. Right. Oh.

Should we get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us. Eric. Did she do another song? I'm sure she did. That's a great song. Yeah. Yeah.

I know it from the movie What Women Want. Oh, sure. With Mel Gibson. Yeah. Oh, sure, with Mel Gibson. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That movie was kind of like a real who was that for kind of film. It was for all of us.

Yeah, I guess. But I think it was even after 9-11. That sort of thing is 9-11. Like you remember where you were when it happened yeah yeah and it was you know a great national tragedy yeah i never really saw it i don't know why i've seen it but i definitely saw the ad where like his daughter walks in on him and he's trying on pantyhose oh and she's doing his face. What are you doing? And he says, exfoliating? Yeah. And like, oh, but now you gotta. Yeah, you gotta. Everybody's exfoliating. Yeah. Because everybody has

skin. And so much foliage. I'm just looking at what year this came out. Aaron, what's been going on since last you were here? Oh, I don't know. I still live with Sean. I don't know if people care. Yeah, sure. You and past guest Sean Devlin.

Sean Devlin, yeah, great man, great man. Yeah, we still live together. Great roommate? Great roommate. You know, we both equally do and don't do chores. What's the chore that both of you are not

doing? We both leave a lot of dishes out. Oh, yeah. Overnight dishes. Sure. Yeah, we do a lot of overnight dishes. That seep into the next day dishes. That seep into the next day dishes. That seep into the next day dishes, and then you have your little pile that you're like, I'm going to take care of that.

I'm going to take care of my pile. Yeah. I don't know what you were, like. That ketchup is, I'm not going to deal with your ketchup. Yeah, there is something weird about cleaning somebody else's plate that you're not sure what it was they ate. What they ate, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That's a bit of a bummer. Ketchup's a weird one too because like your whole plate could be clean but then there's that ketchup patch. Yeah, exactly. And if you have a sink that's full of water, you can't just throw it in because then you got a little ketchup bits everywhere.

Yeah. It's a tough one. I have to leave that one to the last. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not wrong. Yeah. What do you put in first? Glasses? Glasses? Cups, usually last. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not wrong. What do you put in first?

Glasses? Glasses? Cups, usually cups. Yeah. Cups, glasses. Cutlery I let soak. Smart. In a cup.

Yeah. Yeah, and I do that last. Oh, in a cup? Yeah, I put a cup with soap. A big cup with soap in one. Oh, that's smart. Happy, by the way, everyone. Merry Christmas.

Yeah, Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. If you're, you know If you're downloading a podcast And listening to it on Christmas Day This is the type of thing you should expect Yeah Lots of dish talk Well, because there's going to be a big meal tonight, hopefully

Yeah, yeah Yeah And, you know, you're going to want a big turkey I mean, let's talk about grease What do you do with that? Turkey plate You can't just throw that into the sink. It'll make it all greasy.

Exactly, right? And I know everyone likes their turkey with a big wad of ketchup on top of it. So you're going to want that strategy. I like to serve it in like a crystal dish. Only on Christmas. Maybe on New Year's Day too. Do your parents have special dishes that are only on Christmas? Yeah.

They definitely have a set of proper china. Yeah, that we got this as a wedding present. Yeah, and then you hear that story every year, how they got it as a wedding present. Yeah, and then there's also like, there's things that just make an appearance just that one day. Like there's certain like the gravy boat. Oh yeah, well it's Santa, naked Santa, and the gravy pours out of his penis.

What other day of the year would you want that? Yeah, some sort of crystal frosty balls for the cranberries, etc. Mostly my parents. They registered at San Francisco when they got married. So you're still living with Sean, working out. Yeah, it's good. This dish situation's not going to break you up as a roommate couple. No way.

When I had roommates, I remember once we had one guy who, like he was, we were all bad at doing the dishes, but he was worth, like, sometimes me and my other roommate would, you know, we'd rally and we'd do the dishes. But this one other guy was just lagging way behind. Yeah. And I guess we had sort of confronted him about it and he came home so mad. And he had one fork and one spoon and one knife and one plate. And he said, these are the only things I'm going to use. So this issue is over because I'm only using these.

Total meltdown. Total meltdown. But also like, you're still using our like, we're using the same pots and pans. Yeah, yeah. He's not prepping stuff. He's spatulas and things. He's prepping on a plate over an open flame. One of those steel Old West plates, you know?

So, what else? Tell us, spin us a yarn. Spin your yarn. Yeah, doing stand-up, I like doing that. That's right, you're doing stand-. I like doing that. That's right. You're doing standup now. Yeah. That's really fun. I haven't done it in like a little while because I got, I was doing a painting class.

What? Yeah. Now we're talking. There we go. That's where the real money is. Yeah. Posing nude, right? Yes.

Yes. I'm posing nude. Uh, I get to do my own poses. Oh yeah. What's your, what are your top three poses? You get final cut on these poses? Yeah. Like no, no one gets to edit your poses? Oh, yeah? What are your top three poses? You get final cut on these poses? Like, no one gets

to edit your poses? No, no one. I like mixing strength and beauty. Yeah. So, strength, you know, something where my butt is, like, really shown.

Yeah, like clenched up? Not clenched. Oh, no. Like, maybe a bit open. Because I feel like strength is vulnerability. Yeah're right yeah yeah yeah and then i hold my breath uh to make my face red and that's beauty what is the body part that you think is the your Like, if someone just saw, you know, my arm, uh, in,

in a vacuum. Yeah. They'd be like, do you need help getting that out of there? But, but like just my arm and nothing around it. No one, no one would be like,

oh, this guy's really strong. But I, I bet if just someone saw a picture of my butt, they'd be like, oh yeah, he could, he could pull a,

pull a sleigh. Uh, yeah, that's a good question. That's a sleigh. Yeah, that's a good question. That's a good question. Yeah, what's your strongest? I don't know. I think definitely not anything to do with my torso. Torso's tough.

Because, oh, that guy eats a lot of pizza late at night. Yeah. I guess, yeah, maybe my butt, too. Yeah. I guess, yeah, maybe my butt too. Maybe. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh no, you know what? My legs. Oh, I have really strong calves. Yeah. I'm going to say I'm going to go.

I'd go forearm. Yeah, I might go arms. Yeah, I'll go arms. But yeah, I think. We're like real Frankenstein

of a guy. Yeah. He, we're like real Frankenstein of a guy. Yeah. I used to know somebody who did pose for drawing classes. And he said he was like a guy who would be naked all the time if the laws didn't tell you strictly that that was not allowed. So he was into it. He was a form of expression. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He couldn't wait.

He couldn't wait to disrobe. Are you painting in these classes? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you went to art school. Yeah, I went to art school for drawing, but I... They wouldn't let you touch paint. Wouldn't let me touch paint. Get this guy away.

He's a pervert. He's a miscreant. He's a troll. It's okay. You go to these art classes. Yeah. And you BYO paint? BYO paint.

Is it like that where there's something that you all have to paint? Yeah, we did like one where we had to make a still life. So we painted potatoes. And that was fun. Hard to paint. Hard to paint. Yeah. Very, because you got to get all the subtle kind of like different valuations of light.

But like what if you're like, oh, I just have my own painting style. And in my, the way I see the world, these are smooth potatoes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're just six smooth blobs. I'm done before everybody else. Yeah. I mean, you can lie and use charisma to give the appearance of doing the class if you want. Use charisma like in a role-playing game style.

But, like, that's part of the art world, right? Charisma and saying like, you all are wrong. I've got the real. Yeah. That's why I brought in glitter for my potatoes. Glitter potatoes. I'm Damien Hurtz. I'm Damien Hurtz.

In it. Where does this take place? At Emily Carr And like how many people are in a class? There's about 10 people in this class And like is there anybody that you've looked over and been like Holy shit This is Van Gogh He never died

He's here He's here Is there anybody who's like way, like either really, really great or really, really bad? There's some people who are really, really great.

Yeah. There's a young guy, Carl, I guess I can say his name. I don't know. Sure. Is he great? He's good.

Okay. Yeah. Don't say the names of the people who aren't great. Yeah. Yeah. He's really good. He's like very technically good. Oh, a little shade there. He's a nice guy. No, no, don't say the names of the people who aren't great. Yeah, yeah, he's really good. He's, like, very technically good. Oh, a little shade there.

He's a nice guy. No, no, no shade. I'm just joking. Oh, he's technically good, but where's the lung? I mean, he's technically good. Yeah, yeah, but there's lots of interesting people there. I like the class because you interact with people that you wouldn't normally interact with. Like just people outside of my friend circle.

Yeah. Yeah, just like not broke weirdos who are like, I'm working on a thing. Like different people. So that was cool. There's this one older lady who is very nice, very kind, but she loves to talk. And this isn't like a gender jab, like, oh, I'm in love to talk.

But she was like an older lady who's just like very, like, when we did our class introductions, you had to, like, say something about yourself, like maybe why you took this class. And then I went, another person went, and we were quite brief because it's kind of weird. And then she was like, oh, my God, everyone everyone is going so short i am going to take a while and then in her introduction she got to the point where she was referencing things she had said like three minutes ago and that's why i had mentioned previously we're all like but everyone's kind of into it. They're like, man, this lady can really spin one. This is good.

Like if you put her stuff up in a museum, it wouldn't have one of those little cards next to it. It would have paragraphs and paragraphs. Like you open it, it's just a scroll that rolls onto the floor. That's art. Yeah. Yeah. Scrolls?

Well, like having just a simple piece but a giant scroll that goes like goes halfway across the museum floor they'd have to put a little thing around the scroll yeah yeah yeah that's i like this piece yeah what's this piece called scroll zone yeah um yeah so like how many classes do you go to? Like, you really get to know. It was eight classes. Okay. You don't really, I mean, you're pretty busy the whole time, so you don't really get to know people.

Right. But you get to, like, observe and interact, and it's kind of fun. And you, so, potatoes. Yeah, potatoes was one thing. One week. One week. We did a self-portrait. Oh.

That's got to be tough. It was tough. Do you still have yours, or did you sell it yet? No, I gotta be tough it was tough have you do you still have yours or did you sell it yet uh no i did not i'll buy it okay yeah yeah we did a self-portrait and that one gave me anxiety because i thought it looked like um a uh it looked like a real mugshot and i was like oh god i look like evil. Yeah. It's hard to make it not look like a mugshot. Yeah. If you had to have a mugshot taken, I'm assuming everybody here hasn't.

Yeah. Nope. Yeah. What would you do to make it look like you're not immediately guilty? Because every mugshot you see, you're like, they did it. Yeah. They for sure did whatever they're charged with. I saw a thing on the internet of this guy with a smug face yeah because he was he had been arrested for driving with like

like so much meth in his car and he knew that it was kitty litter and so he's this is like in the picture he's just like the look on his face is like, you idiots are going to pay for this one. Yeah, because like even there's, you know, there's a famous one of Frank Sinatra. But if you didn't know it was Frank Sinatra, you'd be like, hey, this guy's some kind of enforcer. Yeah. What would you do? A little grin? A little grin.

Kind of smile with your eyes? It's tough because you see some with a little grin? A little grin. Kind of smile with your eyes? It's tough because you see some with a little grin, but if their eyes are red, you're like, okay, well, this guy's high out of their mind. That's true. I do like a side, like your body's on the side. Yeah, yeah. But you're kind of looking forward,

like you're on the end of a Law & Order intro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You kind of cross your arms and look toward them? Yeah, that's good. That kind of lets people know that you're on the right side of the law. Yeah. Yeah. Try and mouth that with your lips in the picture.

Bum, bum. Bum, bum, bum, bum. So you're sideways with your mouth kind of open. Bum, bum, bum, bum. I got it. Yeah. Just out of the side of your mouth. I feel like, because I was watching a lot, I got into Law and Order.

Just recently? No, I watched it, but then I re-got into it. It's a great thing to get into because there's so many. There's so many, yeah. And you can jump in anytime. But it's not the kind of thing where if someone's like, oh, I just started watching The Wire, and people are like, oh, I'm so jealous

because I wish I could see it again for the first time. Right. With Law & Order, it's like, oh, I'm so jealous because I wish I could see it again for the first time. Right. With Law and Order. It's like, yeah, yeah, there's a little bit. It's great.

There's a lot. I was watching the worst one, the SVU. That's the one that... Oh, that's the best one. That's the only one that's still on. Yeah, it's still on.

They're still new. But all the crimes in that are so awful to watch and watch them for a whole episode. It's true. But what I thought was funny was, like, the soaring clarinet solo in that song. Because the show is so, like, dark and weird, but then they have this very hopeful clarinet solo. I just wonder if the guy who did the clarinet solo, like, knew what he was getting into when he did this clarinet.

Like, if he watched the first episode and he's like, oh my God. Is it the same theme song for every version? With subtle change. But is it possible that the clarinetist recorded that for the original show 35 years ago, 25 years ago? Maybe he's been murdered since you know what I mean maybe he's been

kept in a dungeon and had sex with over and over again yeah and it seems like there's a lot of dungeon space in that in that universe

yeah I mean like especially that's especially weird because people in New York would rent a dungeon for $2,000 a month

the one that what was the one that had uh uh People in New York would rent a dungeon for $2,000 a month. What was the one that had the guy that was in Full Metal Jacket? Oh, Vincent D'Onofrio. Vincent D'Onofrio. Oh, I thought you meant Arlie Ermey. The guy who was like, okay, maggots, we're going to get to this dungeon. That was criminal intent. Criminal intent. He would always set like a mind trap for the,

like it would always be some cop would come in and play a character and all this stuff. And I was like, I don't think that. It was always weird. He's weird, yeah. It was more like Columbo than Law and Order. It was more like I'm setting than Law and Order. Yeah. It was more like, I'm setting you up with this elaborate trap.

But all the detectives, you're like, oh, yeah, they're all damaged in their own way. Oh, yeah. He wore his on his sleeve. Oh, yeah. Who's your favorite detective? I liked in SVU the older ones, the guy who's partnered with the main woman he's in like wet high american summer yeah oh chris maloney chris maloney because he's a freaking hot head and i like the hot heads yeah his daughters though i love my daughters and he

would bring he would he would bring them up every time yeah to to really show why he's so angry. Why he cares about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm surprised everyone's not just like, we get it. You have daughters. Also, it's fine to be outraged by this stuff even if you don't have daughters. Yeah, yeah. Detective. Stop making such a point of it.

No. If I was single, I wouldn't give a shit. I wouldn't care. I just put in my hours. But I have daughters. I wouldn't care I just put in my hours But I have daughters My favorite thing that they would do

Is anytime that they were gonna like Do some kind of undercover thing That was Ice-T's time to shine Detective Fin Tutuola And he was Christopher Maloney was Stabler Right? Yeah

But I feel like Sort of I mean was he? Yeah Yeah yeah yeah Stabler than whom? Yeah. But I feel like. Which was sort of, I mean, was he? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stabler than whom? Yeah. But he is always iced tea.

It was like anytime they needed, you know, somebody to be on like a park bench reading a newspaper. That was, bring in iced tea. Yeah. He's the most common looking folk of any of us. Do all the actors make the same salary? You gotta assume that Mariska Hargitay is making more than Ice-T. But, like, do all the detectives make the same salary? Because Ice-T, what does he do all day?

He doesn't do much. He's following leads off screen. Yeah. But he following leads off screen. Yeah. But he's method though so he's actually the director gives him some fake leads for him to follow off screen. We just need him off the set for a while. They should

do a Law and Order like iced tea edition where it's just him puttering around the office like in different ways. Yeah coming in people's cubicles. Yeah, like episode one is like called looking through pamphlets and he's just looking through pamphlets in the lobby.

Yeah, somebody says should you use a coffee? I'll go in a coffee, Roger. And then he goes and buys a jet. He goes on a shopping spree also. Yeah. And he's just like making small talk. Like, hey, I heard John Glenn died.

The astronaut? That was like a year ago. I found an old newspaper under a bench. I use the same newspaper every time I go undercover The war is over Yeah Yeah, the And then like

There's like this crazy thing that What's his name? Richard Belzer's character Detective Munch Munch? I was gonna say monk But that's Totally totally different universe.

You know what? Drop it. Get into Monk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love Monk. Yeah, Monk. He has OCD. It's great.

What was it? Could he leave his apartment or everything had to be just so? Yeah. I don't know what kind of OCD he had. I don't know if they got into specifics. But it helped him solve crime. But yeah, but is that a thing that has happened? And we'll get back to your munch thing.

Oh, no, no. I feel like every show now has like the, they have to have a terrible flaw that helps them do their job. Right. Like, not necessarily a terrible flaw, but like just a visible, like he's OCD or, you know, pill-popping house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Makes him a little more human.

There's a new show called The Good Doctor where he's autistic. Yeah. Oh, that's what that's about. I thought it was because he was a young. Is it also that he's young? Because he seems young to be a dog. I think autistic

don't crack. Oh, yeah, yeah. And then, like, does Sherlock... I mean, old-timey Sherlock was like... He was like a heroin addict, wasn't he?

Yeah. But, like, new-timey. Yeah. Is he also a drug guy? some yeah he's a mess in many ways which we're talking uh cumberbatch uh no i was thinking the one with him uh lucy lu oh is that still on yeah probably it's probably one of those shows that gets like 28 million viewers and but we don't we have no idea that it's even on like hawaii 50 yeah we're like boston blue and you're like what what is boston blue

oh you don't know it's a bunch of child detectives in boston and they're sad yeah yeah and they're big they're big uh hold up they're all kids they're not allowed into a lot of the places they should be investigating. The murderer went into a bar. I can't follow him. Send in IC. He's the crossover between Law and Order and Boston Blue. Well, Detective Munch was a crossover between like five shows.

Yeah, but like he was on The Wire for an episode, but he was also on an episode of The X-F shows. Yeah. And like, but like he was on the wire for an episode, but he was also on an episode of the X-Files. Yeah. So that, those two universes happen in the same universe. And I think Arrested Development.

Weird. Yeah. Where he played that same character. Yeah. Which is a character that I'm like, I don't know what the character is. He's got transitions lenses.

Yeah. What's your big character like, I don't know what the character is. He's got transitions lenses. Yeah. What's your big character trait? You know, I've spent an extra 50 bucks on these lenses. I showed a picture of Richard Belzer, like, from the 70s, because he was a stand-up. Uh-huh. And to somebody, and they couldn't, they were like, the guy from Law and Order? Like, that's who he is to uh yeah several generations of people yeah but uh he was the bells back in the day the bells babe

the bells he was the first guy to call people babe yeah yeah he got uh put in a sleeper hold by hulk hogan and then actually like fell on the ground on his own talk show oh really yeah hulk hogan had a talk show yeah it was called slamming tonight it was terrible he put everybody in sleep yeah he just fought the desk for the last 20 minutes although now that all joking aside, I would love to see that as a talk show. Just see him trying

to do follow-up questions. Brother. So tell me, brother. Tell me. No. Brother. What is Amy Adams like offset You like to joke around

Now brother This snake is poisonous But Has this poison been sucked out of it Okay it's good to know brother Ladies and gentlemen Put your hands together For Jean-Baptiste and stay human. So you brothers might have seen this in the news.

The opening monologue. It's so good. So you finished, you graduated from this painting class? It's a pass or fail, and I passed. Nice. Okay, we only got two of the things you painted. Was there a nude person? No, we didn't do, I think that's the next one, advanced acrylic painting.

Whoa. So we painted potatoes, self-portrait, and then we had to do a recreation, kind of a recreation. You had to paint a painting in someone else's style. Oh. Yeah. Oh. Like paint a new painting in someone else's style. Oh. Yeah. Oh. Like paint a new painting in somebody else's style?

Yeah, like use your own subject matter and paint but use their techniques and make it look like their painting. What did you use? It's a boring answer. I chose a contemporary artist

named Keegan McCargue. Oh. Yeah. Whose paintings I enjoy. Fair enough. Boring answer. I wish you had picked someone famous but like, you know, Keith Haring. Keith Haring. Oh enough. Boring answer. I wish you had picked someone famous.

I know. But like, you know, Keith Haring. Keith Haring. Oh, yeah, Keith Haring. Yeah, I did this guy as a Keith Haring. This is Hulk Hogan as Keith Haring. Are you going to go to the advanced? I think so.

I really liked it a lot. And, yeah, I think it helped me with my own kind of stuff. Yeah, because you draw. Yeah. A plenty. I draw. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

I'm trying to do it more and more. But it's difficult. Would you ever do, like, an exhibit? Yeah, I'd do a show. I'd have to, like, work at it because I do too many things. So I don't have a lot of time. Yeah, you do a lot of things. Too many.

Too many. It's stressful. Because you also do the music. Yeah. And the teaching and then the comedy and not the dishes, apparently. Not the dishes. No. Bad boy.

But that's a lot of things. Yeah. Yeah. Is there any one that you would just like, eh, I could jettison this? Probably, if I didn't work hard enough at art, probably art because it stresses me out. It's the one that stresses me out. It's supposed to relax. I know, but I have some weird hang up about it.

People retire and think, oh, I'm going to paint all day. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's supposed to relax. I know, but I have some weird hang-up about it. People retire and think, oh, I'm going to paint all day. Yeah. That's like number one retirement plan. Yeah. Golf. Golf. Yeah. I don't think it's number one. I don't know. I hear a lot of people like, I'm going to take up. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't think they do it. No, I think you're right. I think they don't do it. I feel like a lot of them kind of, but secretly in their head are like, well, what I'm really going to do is really get into talking to strangers. Yeah, exactly. At the mall. Well, you said that it was nice to go to a class because everyone you know is a broke weirdo.

I feel that I got my, what do you call it? Chance to not talk to broke weirdos by becoming a father and meeting other dads and they're all. Oh, yeah. And that's, I mean, the good thing about other dads is they're not talkative. The good thing about men, is they're not talkative, but, uh, the good thing about men quite closed off, but a chance to see how the non broke weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is. Yeah. It's, it's good to get that other, oh yeah.

The world is also like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It feel, I feel every time I end up playing, uh, like a Christmas party and it's all. The employees and they're all there with their spouses. And I feel like, oh, yeah, this is what 99.9% of the world is. Yeah. Is this. This is this group of people.

Yeah. Good people. Salt to the earth. Salt to the earth. Salt to the earth. People in an office. In an office somewhere. Yeah, I guess I don't have an outside connect to non-weirdos now that I think of it. Maybe I need to take a class.

It's good. I was like forever, I was like, I don't want to take any more classes. Good. I was like forever, I was like, I don't know, I don't take any more classes. But it's also just really good to be in like a, not vulnerable state, but like in a state where you're like learning something. Because I feel like you always want to have so much control in your life and be like, I know what I'm doing, I'm working hard. Yeah.

But like it feels good to just be like, oh, I don't know about this. Oh, tell me more. Yeah, yeah. I did it wrong why how what would you take a class in uh you know i think i would i do you want to say it on the count of three at the same time yeah one two three ceramics those two go together yeah i set them, you knock them down. Because for me, the whole, I always have been very like from afar interested in like a martial art.

But then when I get there, I'm like, I can't do this. That's it. Yeah. You know, like, because there's no, there's no old lady, retired old lady in the martial art. Maybe there are. Yeah. But I'm wrong. I bet it's weeks and weeks before they let you chop anything. Yeah, I want to chop on the first day.

Yeah. They should just have like some spaghetti out. So just so that I can get the chopping in that I want. But yeah, I would take a martial art. Okay. But because I don't know anything. Yeah. I would be like, just like a blob rolling in the door and they'd be like, this guy can't do any of the things we need them to. I mean, I think we've talked about this before, but my ultimate dream is to be one of those guys in the padded suits in a female, in a female self-defense class.

Yeah. Where you just, Yeah. Where they repeatedly kick you in the groin. Also being attacked by a dog, police dog. Yeah, I thought about that a lot. What are you doing to meet people? Oh, wow.

I wear a suit and dogs attack me. It would be funny if after the self-defense class suit and dogs attack me. Wouldn't it be funny if after the self-defense class, like, everybody's going up for coffee. Hey, Dave, do you want to come along too?

Yeah, maybe I'll get an iced coffee with extra ice for my groin. I feel like the person who wears that suit gets a round of applause at the end of the class. Does a bow. Yeah, yeah. I wonder if anyone, yeah, like, I wonder if you're in the suit, you get some, like, crazy shit said to you. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, probably.

Like, just in the heat of the moment? Heat of the moment, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, just in the heat of the moment? Heat of the moment, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, sorry. Used the C word so many times. Called your father a C. Sorry, I brought my nail file, tried to gouge your ass out.

That was not part of the class. I was using a little bit of artistic license. Sorry when I threw you in your stomach and tried to unzip the back and punch you in the back where there was no padding i'm sorry i brought this chair it's a wrestling style chair uh um so that's cool that's cool that you're doing that anything else cool going on Anything else cool going on? Anything else cool going on?

Not really. That's fine. Yeah. You know, still have in the back of my head the dreams of going to the gym and getting a bit more fit. Well, maybe you and Sean, you can spot each other. Yeah, Sean goes to the gym. He's really good at the gym. Does he?

Yep. Yeah? He goes, he's like, uh... That sounds really bad. He does? Him? No, he's a lean and wiry guy. He's very strong.

Yeah. Oh, is he very strong? No, he's very strong. Yeah. I'd like to arm wrestle him. Yeah. Just to see, just to see. They's very strong. Yeah. I'd like to arm wrestle him. Yeah. Just to see. Just to see. They still got it.

Yeah. How in shape do you want to be? I don't want to be like hot. How come? Or maybe I want to be hot. Because you've been

through that before. 19, so hot, you know. You were on FHM's hottest man list. Bus drivers are like, you can't get on the bus. It's not because you don't have the fare, it's because you're too hot. Yeah, you're too hot for the FHM's hottest man list. Bus drivers were like, you can't get on the bus. It's not because you don't have the fare. It's because you're too hot.

Yeah, you're too hot for the bus. They didn't say that. They were just like, get off. Yeah. Yeah. You know, maybe I would be hot. Yeah. Maybe get hot.

Like, you know, sometimes I'll have like a, a real daydream where I'm buff. Yeah. Yeah, buff. I don't want to get buff. No? No. How come? Maintenance?

Too much maintenance. Too much maintenance, and I feel like it affects your personality a bit. Like... In a good way? Maybe. Maybe. I mean, I think for some people, like, becoming stronger is, like, good for mental health. But I think for me, it would go right to my head.

Like you'd start pushing, pushing over things and. Pushing over things. Yeah. Opening up all the pickle jars in the grocery store. You're welcome, everybody. We're just leaving them open and pouring them out. Yeah. uh yeah i think the biggest disadvantage of being like buff would be that you would always be carrying around a weird whey protein shake and it's like weird and beige and you got one of those

like flip top lid plastic containers and people see you drink it in public yeah yeah and like also like i feel like the attire that you wear changes when you're really buff. Yeah, you got to wear different stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Buff stuff. Buff stuff. You can't.

You got to go to buff stuff. In Metrotown Mall. In Metrotown Mall. Yeah, buff stuff. Buff stuff. But you don't see a buff guy wearing super baggy clothes. All of a sudden, everything fits. Oh, yeah.

Everything's tight. Yeah. super baggy clothes. Like they're all of a sudden everything fits. Oh yeah. Everything's tight. Yeah. And like those tank tops that,

you know, like nobody should wear a tank top. No. A man wise, I think. But somehow if you're super buff, they managed to get like a string tank top. Yeah. Like it's not just the shoulders aren't like thick.

Yeah. It's like, I wouldn't even know where would you buff stuff. Of course, buff stuff. Yeah. I can see you getting buff. Why not? Yeah.

Maybe. Okay. I'm going to start wearing some more stuff by Duff. The Hilary Duff. The Hilary Duff line. What kind of stuff is that? Kind of fun? Yeah, fun, flirty. Duff stuff. Yeah. Stuff by Duff. Yeah What kind of stuff is that? Kind of fun? Yeah, fun, flirty.

Duff stuff. Yeah, stuff by Duff. Yeah, makes sense. Frilly, you know, bright colors. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's fun. I listen to her music and watch her movies every day.

In my head, I was like, which one is she? She's Haley Duff's sister? Uh, yes. every day. In my head, I was like, which one is she? I was just trying to picture who she is. She's Hayley Duff's sister? Uh, yes. From Napoleon Dynamite? Yeah. Hayley Duff.

Was her show just called Hillary Duff? Or was it just called Hillary? No, she played a character named Cosmo Dweeby. Lizzie McGuire. Cosmo Dweeby. Cosmo Dweeby. Leave it to Cosmo Dweeby. Itmo Dweeby? Leave it to Cosmo Dweeby.

It was Lizzie McGuire. Yeah. Well, close enough. I mean, mine would have been more successful. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dave, what's going on with you? Well, I'm working on season two of Cosmo Dweeby. I like the brother on that show. Oh, boy.

He's funny. He's really annoying. Rory. Cosmo Dweeby. I like the brother on that show. Oh, boy. He's funny. He's really annoying. Rory. Cosmo, get out of the bathroom. Cosmo's always using the bathroom. Here's what's going on

with me. It's Christmas Day and we're here to say that we love Santa Claus in a major way. And that's about it. Yep. What yeah we decided to do our Christmas

episode last week because I feel like the so much of Christmas is just the build up towards it. So yeah like your Christmas afternoon is like just time for puzzles yeah yeah yeah it's a high time for puzzles high time to read uh my only issue that i read of people

magazine a year that's at my parents house oh sure yeah i always thought like i always hated christmas afternoon as a kid because it was like you you waited so long and you got all your presents and then there's this just like, you know, this downer. And it's, it's the space where you can't go, you can't go off and do whatever you want because dinner's around the corner. Yeah. And you're still wearing your itchy church pants. And you've got to go like, my parents would make us just go somewhere, like, get out of the house. Yeah. So then we'd just be outside, and it was cold, just walking around.

Yeah, and you're waiting. You're like, okay. Like, you help clear the dishes, and you're waiting. Like, dessert's about to happen, but you're like, oh, I guess i'm just watching my father nap but now i love it yeah yeah afternoon's the best everyone's together sure you're uh yeah nothing's expected of you unless you're hosting it which i never have yeah i've never uh hosted because i'm I consider myself among the broke weirdos. Yeah. Yeah.

Do you wear a pajama pant and a sweater most of the day? Well, my family goes to church on Christmas morning. Oh, really? So, we, and now there's no church open in the city on Christmas. Nobody does it. Yeah, it's like you say, the big night is the night before. Yeah. And so we like every year we have to find out at the last minute, oh, we're going to this, you know, one church that's managed to open it up for an hour on Christmas.

Yeah, this sermon will be done by the janitor. Oh, but like the best thing about church when I was a kid is like on Christmas Day, this sermon will be done by the janitor. Oh, but like, the best thing about church when I was a kid is like, on Christmas Day, no sermon. You just sing. You get to request what songs you sing. Rudolph! They had to be religious, I assume. Oh, yeah. They're in the book.

Do you go to church? I've never been to church. Never in your life? Never in my life. Not even as just like a curiosity? Not as a spect yeah never as a spectator no i used to i when i did played violin i used to play in churches um but not during that's where the recitals would be they usually be in a church but great acoustics yeah great acoustics i would look at the stained glass a lot and be freaked out a lot of weird stained stained glass stuff. It's freaky. Yeah, it is pretty freaky.

Yeah. But our, yeah. And then, but when I go to Abby's parents' house, it's all pajamas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. PJs. What about you? Christmas day, what's the, what's the tradition? I used to go back to my parents' place and like maybe sleep over on the night before,

but now I just kind of show up in the jeans, you know. Show off the jeans. Talk about jeans. That's why they had kids. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I just go over there for, usually it's like a lunch, like a Christmas lunch. And then do you hang out through to dinner kind of thing yeah

yeah hang out hang out to dinner yeah yeah yeah yeah but it's it's pretty chill yeah yeah yeah you nap after dinner sometimes i'll nap i'll get a nap on the ground yeah because that's like well dad's got the couch. So you got the floor. Yeah, I'll take the floor. What's your old bedroom? My old bedroom is, like, what is it? Yeah, is it still your old bedroom? Oh, no, it's my dad's, like, place where he does yoga, kind of. Oh, okay.

And then also where they keep the vacuum. It's a multi-purpose room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But it's tiny. It's so tiny. Oh. I was really tiny.

I mean, like, I'm still pretty tiny. But, yeah, a really small room. Well, so there's no bed that you could nap in. No. No. But my sister's room is still kind of around. Her bed's still there, so I could nap. But she's in there making out with her boyfriend.

Yeah. And it's gross. But he's so cool.'s in my painting glass yeah he's in my painting glass uh and you of course go over to your parents yeah on christmas day on an airplane on an airplane oh wow yeah and uh and uh yeah my uh my old room is now a shower. Oh, cool. Yeah. A big shower. Big shower. Wow. Is it really? Yep.

A big? Yeah, it's a big, one of those. Is it a bathroom too or just a shower? I don't know. I've never been up there. Yeah. It's not for me anymore, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I used the shower downstairs. You don't want to go in there. You're not like, oh, I love what you've done with it. Wow. Yeah, the shower's going to bully you if you go up there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's going to be like,

it's too many memories, you know? Yeah. So what's going on with me is I'm a sick person. Oh, no. So like a week ago, no, like three weeks ago, maybe, one of our parents of, like who's a friend of Abby's and all our kids like hang out together. She said, oh, my son has hand, foot and mouth disease.

That covers all the parts. It's the lever 2000 disease. And it's not a hoof and mouth disease. Thank goodness. Uh, but it is a, apparently a super common disease that kids get that affects their hands, feet and mouth. And if you Google it, it is disgusting. It's like, you know, faces covered in exploded boils. It's just like,

and apparently you get these blisters outside your mouth and inside, which makes it impossible to eat. And so, good way to shed those holiday pounds. And so a few days after that, actually, I looked up how long it takes to infect you.

So it couldn't have been from this kid, but there must be an outbreak going on because Poppy got some, some blisters on her face and her hands. And so we were like, okay, well, we're all going to get this. Yeah. And then a few days later, Margo got it. And then I got it the day after my birthday and I got a fever. got it and then I got it the day after my birthday and I got a fever and then I started

getting these like spots on my hands and they apparently you can transmit this disease through saliva and poop and exploded blisters but my blisters aren't

they're just under the skin apparently. So it's not too severe with me the uh but abby's abby's got nothing wow she's uh she's got the superior genes yeah speaking of genes yeah i got these genes and so i uh yeah it's it mostly sucks because you then can't go anywhere you're like yeah my ultimate goal would be if Margo's got really bad, like if she was one of those kids on the internet with just a face covered in goo, I'd take her to

Ikea and be like, can we go in the ball pit? Yeah. Get her picture taken with Santa. Yeah. But it's pretty mild. It's not so mild that I would feel comfortable. So it's just been like, we've been staying home every day and the kids are going crazy.

Kids are going crazy. You like it though. Yeah, of course. But, and like when I, when I had a fever, Abby was like, can I go out and get you anything? I was like, get me some ginger ale and some Gatorade. Oh yeah. Nice. That's the one, two punch.

Classic. And so I've been drinking this Gatorade, uh, like the same bottle for a long time and it started out super blue and then I. It's faded. Well, I know I drank some of it and I watered it down. Oh. Like I, it was deep blue, like Windex blue. Yeah.

And then halfway through I watered it down Like I drank half of it Then filled it up with water And it didn't change the color at all It was still so blue And this is like Seven or eight

Like Now it looks like Barbasol What No I think even Like chlorinated water Yeah Like pool water

Yeah it looks like pool water Yeah so it's Finally gotten to Really the sweet spot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a nice pool water blue. So now you're just sipping it slow. Just sipping my sweet. My baby blue.

Yeah, Gatorade. What's your go-to when you're sick? Yeah, I'm not sick that often. A little bit of a brag. Speaking of my genes again. Yeah, probably ginger ale is a good one. Yeah, ginger ale is really good. Ginger ale is the top.

Usually a soup. I'm making a soup. You make a soup when you're sick? Yeah, I'll make a soup. Whoa. Yeah, yeah. Like not just heat up a soup, you'll make a soup? I'll make a soup.

Wow. I'm usually pretty quick to try and battle the sickness. Right. So if I feel like I'm getting sick, I'm making a soup. You'll make a soup. I'll make a soup. Wow. I'm usually pretty quick to try and battle the sickness. Right. So if I feel like I'm getting sick, I'm making a soup. You know, I'm drinking so much water. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Flush that thing out. Flush that thing out.

Let's get it out of here. Yeah, and I know Gatorade's no good for you. But it does make me like the fact that I'm refilling it with water so often. I'm drinking a lot. Yeah. I'm sorry to hear you're sick, man. Yeah. What's your sick strategy?

Sick strategy? A lot of those, you know, those vitamin C packets you can get or the things that you drop and they fizz up in the water. Yeah. Yeah. Do a lot of that. Do a lot of, you know, bed rest. Nice. Try to hop into bed immediately.

Yeah. You know. uh, you know, bedrest. Nice. Try to hop into bed immediately. Yeah.

You know, I once talked about emergency on the show and someone wrote in saying it was a placebo and it's not, he got it confused with a different thing. Like someone tweeted at me and I blocked him immediately. First of all, if a placebo is working, it's cause I don't know. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's a placebo. Yeah. Don't screw up my placebo mojo yeah i was thinking about that i was this morning for some reason uh because they used to give you as a placebo sugar pills right and like what if you were taking so many sugar pills and then you got diabetes right and then uh and then like the placebo is no longer placebo like it actually did something yeah not something good anyways that's what i was thinking about this morning in case

you were wondering you had to take one big like oh the placebo pill is also you know the size of a turkey that's what we have in my parents house yeah like uh mickey mouse carving a slice off a bean yeah my dad carves it and just a bunch of blue goo comes out um but yeah i this this is the weird like it's a weird illness because I don't, I've never heard of it before. It's super gross looking and it's not airborne. So like you're not going to get it from breathing the same air, but also nothing works on it. Well, Aaron won't get it anyways. He never gets it.

No, I'm pretty healthy right now. But like, like there's no, like they don't like you look up what to do about it and then just wait. Yeah. Like, there's no vitamin C or water or anything. I mean, vitamin C is always a good idea. Oh, sure. Fight off those rickets. Yeah.

You know, puts a spring in your step. I don't know what vitamin C does, really. Makes you good at Sudokus. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay. You can do, like, the hard ones. The Friday ones?

The chili pepper ones or however spicy they are. They measure them in chili pepper? Some of them, my mom gets them, and then they measure them in spice factor. Does your mom get them off of a menu at a Mexican restaurant? Yeah. I really enjoy the idea of the spice factor. Sometimes the Sudokus have a little V next to them because they're vegetarian. Vegetarian, yeah.

Vegetarian, yeah. And a little fish because they're ocean-wise. Ocean-wise Sudoku. What's up with you? Well, on the topic of all things christmas i went and saw the it's the fifth year of a thing called the east van panto okay uh which was written by past guest mark chevez and uh so if you if you don't know what a panto or pantomime is it's like a kids based on a fairy tale and uh it's always they always have like two mainstays there's always a guy that plays an evil

stepmother it's always a man playing like a woman's role and this comes from like old timey britain yeah yeah and like there's like parts for the kids to like scream at the stage. Yeah. And there's, you know, the villain is always, you're supposed to boo the villain every time the villain comes on. Yeah. And it's like, have you ever, did you, have you ever been to one? I've never been to one, but I know of them, of the Pantos.

Yeah. Yeah. So it's like. Never been to a Panto. Never been to church. Yeah. I don't like sitting and watching. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're a doer. Yeah. I'm a panto? Never been to church? Yeah. I don't like sitting and watching. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you're a doer. Yeah, I'm a doer. I want to get up there. That's why you were never allowed in church. You were like... I want to perform. I want to be a star. I want to do a sermon.

I want to be famous, mom. I think there's any improv ministers who are like, all right, give me a topic. And they're like uh you know hell yeah charity being attracted to my brother's wife all right what's something you would do so i went to the opening night of the theanto. And so it was like just everybody brought their kids. Like it was just packed with kids. I assume it's always packed with kids.

But on that first night, it's like every cool kid in the city. Oh, yeah. Like the premier kid. Oh, sure. Macaulay Culkin. Jonathan Lipnicki. And so, yeah, there's all this like interactive stuff for the kids to do but there was this one part which i gather was like kind of uh done on the fly where uh there's a character that needs

the evil stepmother to like sign uh like his internship form so that he can like graduate what was the what is the uh fairy tale it's based on uh snow white and the seven dwarfs so evil step mother queen or whatever uh she takes the form that she signed and she gives it to a kid in the audience that says, I'll give you $20 to tear it in half, like to tear up this guy's thing. And this kid was like, I won't do it. And I was like, what a great kid. This kid is like, I won't. I refuse to help you. You're the bad.

And this was all bad. This was all on the fly. This boy, two seats over, is like, I'll do it. And so the queen handed him it, and he shredded it. That guy's Spartacus. It's Spartacus over there. Anyways, it was just the funniest. Some kid was just like, like yep I'll do it

yeah 20 bucks something's been ripped yeah did he get 20 bucks he did oh nice that's some Ted DiBiase stuff

so yeah well I mean that's Mark was sitting in front of me and at the intermission he was like oh we're gonna have to figure out how to get the 20 bucks per show

but And at the intermission, he was like, oh, we're going to have to figure out how to get the 20 bucks per show. But, yeah, it was just such a fun show. But that was just, like, the highlight that some kid. And then that kid that refused, like, she got to come up on stage and, like, do a thing to, like, raise the curtain, you know. Yeah. So she got to be in the show. And then that little kid still got away with the $20. I bet you could do it for $5.

I bet you could offer kids $5. Yeah. Yeah. It's just, the fact that there's paper money. Yeah. Yeah. What a thrill. But it's, yeah, I was thinking they would do it for $5.

They would probably do it for a toonie, to be honest. I mean uh money's money yeah kids love money like they do they love and loonies toonies my like thinking about all like things like christmas or whatever is my uncle used to do a thing where he would pay whoever could be quiet the longest after christmas dinner desperate yeah and it's uh desperate for peace absolutely just wanted a nap so bad but it was like back in the days of like two dollar bills and oh man wanted that two dollar bill so bad but i also liked trying to make my brothers make the noise which inevitably would make me make the noise, which would then cancel me out. But, uh, I do miss the, uh, the $2 bill. Yeah. Like people make fun of Canada for, well, mostly America's make fun of Canada for our different colored money.

Yeah. I think America's maybe the only place that has monochrome money. Yeah, that's true. I never thought about it in the in the inverse like yeah wait a minute aren't you the only country that has just green money but uh but i missed that that uh like orange colored two dollar bill yeah yeah that was cool it was kind of cool to have like reach in your pocket and just have like a wad of bills at the end like they were all twos but i don't know there was something there was something cool about a two dollar bill yeah

yeah why did we get rid of it i don't know i don't know i think because the loonie made so much sense right the one dollar coin because they're like indestructible or whatever. I guess. Yeah. Yeah. And it's, you know, but it really does like, they talk about like how to economically devalue a currency, but I think you devalue a currency by making it a coin. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. By being something that can be put into a vending machine. Yeah.

Like, Oh, this isn't, this isn't worth anything. It's just $2. Yeah. It's a, you know, like anytime they do a vending machine. Yeah, like, oh, this isn't worth anything. It's just $2. Yeah. It's, you know, like anytime they do a story about Bitcoin, there's always a picture of a coin?

Yeah. Like, what the hell is that thing? Isn't it a fake? Isn't it like a crypto doesn't exist currency? Yeah. Where do all of these publications

find these photos of a... I mean, is Bitcoin putting out of an official photo of a Bitcoin? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Because,

you know, that's their main advantage. No, no mint. You don't have to worry about any updating, doing a commemorative

coin. Yeah, you don't have to do one for, you know, 50 years of the Rolling Stones. The other advantage is it's, you know,

you can use it at Arby's. Oh, yeah. You can use Bitcoin at Arby's? Yeah. Cool. Get a big beefy cheddar. Big beef and cheddar. Is that Arby's? Apparently you can get a second cup. We'll take it. Really? I was joking. Oh no, for real.

Second cup has some bitcoin machine. I don't know how it works. I don't know how any of it works. Yeah, yeah. I know what you mean. I don't know how any of it works. It's booming right now

I know I wish I had some Yeah But I wish I had some Five years ago Yeah Yeah But also

You know what I would have it on a Like a thumb drive I'd lose those things Oh yeah I'd probably have You know Ten million dollars

You know Plugged into Yeah yeah yeah Lost in a big thing of legos yeah it's like uh plugged into the side of an old tv like it's mostly bitcoin but it's also got like season two of fargo on it yeah yeah well like i was reading i don't know you you know Lily Allen? Yeah. She turned down 10 years ago or whatever to perform somewhere for what would have been the equivalent of like $20,000 in Bitcoin, which today I guess is worth something like $7 million. Oh, wow. I don't know how it works, though.

Who do you sell it to for $7 million? And where can you use it? I know that people in the dark web use it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So that would be weird. I think it's, isn't it the dank web? Is it the dank web?

I think it's the dank web. But you can't buy just regular stuff on the dank web. Like, you can't just, like, buy groceries, like, black market groceries. No. On the dank web. It's got to be, be like heroin and stuff. Yeah, but like you can, it's like when you're, you know,

trying to buy condoms and you buy a bunch of things. Oh, yeah. But on the dank web, you have to buy like one normal thing, but you have to disguise it with a bunch of heroin. You're like, yeah, I just wanted a dog leash. Yeah. Give me some of that heroin. A couple of guns wanted a dog leash. But yeah, I'm also going to give me some of that heroin.

Yeah. A couple of guns and a machete. You don't need to go on the dark web to buy a machete. You just go to the flea market. That's true. Yeah. Saws, machetes, trumpets. Sure.

Old rugs. Old rugs. Rugs and mugs. And trading cards. Yeah. Old rugs. Old rugs. Rugs and mugs. And trading cards. Yeah, so that's more like a public service announcement for flea markets. Yeah. Check out your local flea market. Yeah, and Pantos.

Yeah. Yeah. Pantos Flea Markets. Hoof and Mouth Disease. Uh-huh. And painting. Painting. We did it.

We did it all. Let's move on. Oh, before we move on to overheards. What? We have a new segment. Yeah. Oh, but before we move on to overheards. What? We have. Oh, we have a new segment. Yeah. Oh, this is something that I, we've been doing the last few weeks.

It is called, it's called, what is a goblin? I only have one question for you. And I hope that your answer is true. What is a goblin? And what does it do? Don't answer the second part That is a What is a Goblin theme from listener Harry N. If you would like to send us the theme, spy at maximumfun.org

We've been talking lately. Hey, what's a goblin? Yeah, what's a goblin? What's a goblin? Yeah, what's a goblin? What's a goblin? Yeah, what is a goblin? When you hear the word goblin, what is it? What do you think? Well, I use the term goblin a lot.

Yeah? Big fan of the term. I use it to describe people who are terrible. Okay. Okay. Like if someone, maybe you're at a party and there's a man, maybe he's on cocaine and he's talking to people, he's bumping into people. Right. And he's being, you know, rude.

Yeah. And you're like, that guy's a fucking goblin. But then you attach something to it, you're like drug goblin or a cocaine goblin. Oh, okay. Party goblin. Party goblin. Party goblin. Or a cocaine goblin. Okay.

Party goblin. Party goblin. Party goblin. I think a goblin is, you know, to define it, there's either a physical hunt, kind of like hunch over. Yeah, he's a hunch. There's a hunch. Yeah, or like a kind of something forward.

Yeah, something like. The hunch might not be in the back. No, no. It might even be in the shoulders or the upper arm. Yeah. It's not a disfigurement. It's a purposeful hunch. Like, this is how I am.

It's either a physical hunch or a, like I said before, a psychological hunch. So this is where. Is it something like a gambler has a hunch like huh i think the broncos are gonna win this week it's not like that no it's not like that no like um like you're at a like like someone who you know you're at a bar and maybe there's not a lot of people working like i went to this like we're in fancy uh uh that bar that's attached to the comedy mix I went with my friend before a show just to get a drink

and there was some ladies some women sitting in that table and then they were just like hey can we like they said in the middle of the restaurant can we get some service I didn't know if anyone worked

does anyone work here and really made it uncomfortable for everyone. So that's a goblin for sure. Yeah, she's a goblin. So ladies can be goblins too. Yeah. Go and brush your shoulder off.

Goblin is genderless. Well, that's a great... That's a great goblin. Yeah, great answer on what is a goblin. The correct answer is a fish guy. A guy who's part fish.

Should we move on to Overheard? Yeah. Hi, everybody. I'm Justin McElroy. And I'm Dr. Sydney McElroy. Every week, we release a medical history podcast called Sawbones. We go over the history of the dumbest, grossest, weirdest stuff humans have been doing to each other since the dawn of mankind. But it's a

funny show but it's also so disgusting and stomach turning you won't believe it but it's also like funny it's funny it is the wildest grossest nastiest stuff you can imagine it's a real hoot it's called sawbones and we release it every week on iTunes, wherever podcasts are sold, and right here on MaximumFun.org. Hey, MaxFun listeners. It's Jesse, the founder of MaximumFun.org. I have some pretty incredible holiday news for you. So you remember last year's MaxFunDrive. We offered pins for all of our shows to folks who donated.

We offered pins for all of our shows to folks who donated, and we agreed to donate all of the net revenue from the pins to the Los Angeles Regional Food Bank. You're not going to believe how much money you gave to give needy families food. Over $100,000. $100,365 to be specific. That means nearly half a million meals for families who need food this year. I'm really proud of every single Maximum Fund donor who made this possible. It's a remarkable achievement, a beautiful thing. It completely obliterated my idea and expectation of what we might be able to do this year.

So, as you head into 2018, please be proud of what this amazing community did for hungry families in the Los Angeles area where MaxFun is based. If you'd like to keep the love rolling, go to lafoodbank.org slash maximumfun. That's lafoodbank.org slash maximumfun, and you can make a tax-deductible donation there. Every dollar that you give means four meals for needy families. Thanks to all of you who support everything that we do. And thanks for your incredible contribution to folks who need it here in our hometown. Overheard. Overheard's a segment where, you know, you're going to hear things out there in the world.

And if you do, or if you see things, report them back here. And then we'll tell you what to make of it. And we always like to start with the guest. Aaron, you were scrambling to come up with one, but I feel like you landed there. I know. Last night I was like, oh, no, do I have to do an overheard? But this one is. And you tried to cancel out of the show.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, I don't have it. I don't know what's the point. Yeah. I can't come. I've got the problems. I'm going to just cut out that little bit you said there. Yeah, I can't come.

I've got problems. That's what he said about. Anyways, please, if you would. Yeah, so it's like less of an overheard, more of like a weird situation. Is that okay? Yeah. What are we going to do, throw you off the show? Yeah.

Bring your weird sitch. Yeah, so I did a show and uh i was outside i was smoking i was talking to this woman she was very nice woman she was very complimentary she liked uh what i kind of did um and then i was watching the band that was playing after me uh and then uh she was there again um but this time this man crossed over, and he was like, oh, man. Like, you know, good stuff out there. I got to say two things. When you hit it, you hit it.

And I was like, whoa. But then you didn't. You didn't hit it, and those things didn't work. So what I got to say to you is play live, play live, play live, play live. And he was kind of like kind of complimentary, but also kind of telling me like some stuff sucked and I should work on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he went to the washroom because I was side stage.

And then she was there, the woman that I talked to outside who was very nice. And then she came up to me and she's like you've met my husband and I was like oh okay now I know both you and she was like we are very different people and then she linked arms with me I did not

ask for that and then I was just like oh my god he's just going to the washroom he's going to come back and we're going to be linked in arms yeah yeah yeah. Luckily, she sensed my extreme discomfort and she let go. But so I got between a marriage. Yeah. You got between a wife and her goblin husband.

That's a goblin. He was a goblin. Yeah, no doubt. So I hope that they never hear this and that I don't, like, make their marriage fall apart. But it sounds like she's unhappy and i hope that she or the other possible explanation it was inviting you into the yeah oh for a three yeah for a three's company yeah yeah yeah exactly for a old neighbor neighbor drop in i don't know i was trying to think of sitcom. Yeah, she was inviting you in for an old ding dong. Maybe.

I would never. Yeah, but, you know, she was doing that. Like, maybe when the husband comes back, he's like, oh, you hooked one. Whoa. Well, you know what? When he hits, he really hits. And he hits. And you know what?

We're going to do this live. They were nice. She was very kind, a good person. I don't think I'd want to be intimate with the – I would be intimate with a man, but not that man. Not that man. Fair enough. Well, because he's a little critical.

A little critical. Yeah. He'd be giving you notes the whole time. Frankly, you were just there to have a good time. Yeah. And he was also into, like, metal a lot. And I feel like maybe people who are into metal don't, like, take care of their pubes or anything like that. Oh.

It'd be, like, messy. That's true. Yeah. Well, I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I haven't read whatever is the heavy metal equivalent of Perfect 10. You know what I mean? Like, I don't know. I don't know for sure from heavy metal pubes.

And not to say that you have to take care of your pubes. I just mean, like, I think it would be really. Take care of your pubes and each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, it would be really like a weird, like, wizard's beard or something like that. Look, if there's one thing that we want you

to go away from this podcast kind of as a mantra, take good care of those pubes. Take care of your pubes. Yeah. It doesn't mean cut them all off.

That's not what we're talking about. No, no, no. Just take care of them. Maybe it's a long braid. Yeah, like Willie Nelson's pubes. Yeah, or like a beard of,

you know, maybe he's really into, you know, System of really into you know system of a dad yeah yeah yeah oh sure that's my system of down impression that's my ringtone surge is calling all right so thank you for thank you thank you. Dave guys. Well, I don't know. I don't know. I wrote something down. Um,

but, uh, Oh yeah, this is just a weird one. I posted this on my Instagram a few weeks ago and within, I think I saw these two things within a day of each other and I had never seen them before. I have seen one of them a lot since,

but one was a license plate that read p w o o o f poof okay and then the next day on a different car on a different street i saw one that said p w o o o Pwoot. Pwoot and poof. Pwoot. What is poof? They're all, they're onomatopoeic. But is it magic? Poof.

Poof. I mean, they're both farts. Poof. Oh, they are both, yeah. Pwoot. Poof. Poof. Yeah.

Pwoot. Pwoot. Pwoot is like a British version of it. Yeah. Poot. Poot. Poot is like a British version of it. Sure. That's what, and poof is what? That's American. Oh, okay. So it's like Meghan Markle and Prince Harry. They're just walking down the aisle, poof and poot.

They got matching towels. Yeah, his and hers. You think those were their cars? Yeah, I mean Where were you? One was It was here Yeah okay

One was I think Like an orange Jeep That sounds like A classic Prince Harry Yeah that's Prince Harry Right there Yeah He likes all things

Red and orange And one was a Fiat 500 With the Like a Bumper sticker That says I love the TV show Suits.

What a long bumper sticker. Was she on the TV show? She is on the TV show. That's what she's famous for? I thought that she was picked from Obscurity and was famous for being with him. No, she's an actress. Oh, good for her. But that's all I know she's been in.

But she's also like, you know, an ambassador and, you know, she does charity work and things like that. I'd like to be an ambassador. But like, I don't know that she was, like, I don't know who she is. No. Outside of this one TV show Suits that no one's ever seen But before she was Famous like before she was

With Prince Harry We're talking about Meghan Markle by the way Yeah yeah She was a spokesperson For the I think it's Canadian Women's Retailer store spokesperson for the, I think it's Canadian, women's retailer store, Reitmans. Oh, Reitmans.

Reitmans. And, you know, there would be people like in a restaurant. Oh, what? Is that Meghan Markle? What's Meghan Markle wearing? A suit, probably. From Suits. Yeah.

Guys. I'm just happy that they found each other in this crazy i feel like i talked too long about no no no no no no just the right amount i'd say i feel like this has now become a megan markle show i uh have the the vanity fair that she's on the cover of and it's like on the back of my toilet. And, uh, so I see her every day, but I,

I don't, I never read the article, so I don't know anything about her. She's on the cover of a vanity fair. Yeah. And it says, uh, and it's,

uh, she's wild about Harry is that, so it's not even her. It's her being connected to him. Well, I wish it said, don't Merkel this up. It's Markle. Oh. It's Markle.

Oh, it's Markle? Damn it. But still, don't Merkle this up. Yeah. Markle this your one shot. Don't Merkle it. My overheard

is courtesy of a guy filling in somebody. Do you think that Prince Harry and Angela Merkle should get married? Yeah, that's my that was my subtle Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I get it. This is a guy like filling in somebody about his buddy. Oh, stop. That would be big news. Filling in his buddy about his new friend at work. And he's saying, I made a new friend at work.

And his name is Paul. And he's like Logan. Where was this? This was on the bus. Yeah. But you'd have to be talking to another nerd for them to pick up. Or another, you know, Logan-like guy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's like Logan in all the ways that you're not. Did you see the Logan? I didn't. No, me neither. You? Yeah, I saw it. I saw it on an airplane. What's Logan like?

He's very tired. We're talking about X-Men guy? Yeah, the most recent X-Men guy. Yeah, okay. You know, he's at the end of his rope. And yeah, he's old and tired. But he's got a heart of gold, kind of. He has a daughter, I think. I don't know

if that's a spoiler. Are you thinking of Christopher Maloney? Are you thinking of Detective Stabler? I don't know. And he loves his daughter. That's why he cares so much about the case. In one of the Wolverine movies, they show him during World War II

and then in modern day and he hasn't aged at all i don't think he ages but then he's old in this one doesn't he have gray hair and stuff and he's all like i'm old well yeah he's living through obama's administration it's hard on him all right i think we can all agree yeah on that but what what like does it take place in the distant future oh i think it's present day or maybe it's the future i think he ages slowly sometime yeah but like even for people who age slowly you just go gray overnight sometimes yeah that's probably having that daughter turn my hair gray but i love her don't get me wrong i love her Who's stronger Logan or Stabler

Oh I mean if Stabler's Like really fired up He's stronger Oh yeah Stabler's stronger Stabler's got that Like weird dad rage

It depends what's at stake Are his daughters At stake Yeah yeah Like is he protecting His daughters It's gonna be You know what

It's just like If Stabler's fired up If he's in an Interrogation room Oh boy Nobody's stronger Than Stabler No way up, if he's in an interrogation room. Oh, boy. Nobody's stronger than Stabler. No way. He could beat the Hulk.

Yeah. He could beat the Hulk. But only inside an interrogation room. If he's out on the streets, he's got to cool it. That would be amazing if the X-Men just got a new guy who's not a mutant, and it's like, what's his power? Oh, he's just a really upset detective. His name's Stabler. Yeah, yeah.

We were going to get the Vincent D'Onofrio one, but too weird. Yeah, too weird. Even we're mutants, and we think this guy's weird. His regular name is Stabler, but his superhero name is Upsetto. Upsetto. Does he have a costume he wears? No. No, no, no, no, no.

But he has one that he takes off. Or that he ruffles up his sleeves. Yeah, yeah, yeah. no, no. But he has one that he takes off. Or that he ruffles up his... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, the difference is he rolls up his sleeves. He rolls up his sleeves. That's his costume. Listener! Magneto!

I'm so mad! My daughter swallowed a magnet! That's nothing to joke about. That's one thing your daughter should never swallow Yeah, don't swallow magnets I mean, you think it's gonna be fun You think it's gonna like Make all the iron in your blood go to one place But in fact

They just get stuck in your colon Magneted together Yeah, so don't Aaron, I'm looking at you. Don't swallow a magnet. I won't. Now we also get... Okay, you can swallow one.

You can swallow one, but not the one that's going to join it. I was going to throw out the bag of magnets I have bad at my apartment. You got a mag bag? I got a mag bag. We have overheard sent into us from people around the world. If you want to send one in, you can send it in to spy at maximumfund.org. This first one comes from Bridget K. Bridget K. B.

Bridget K. B. I was walking behind two late 40-ish men in a hospital who, up until they hit the gift shop, had been walking in total silence. in a hospital who up until they hit the gift shop had been walking in total silence when one of them dropped down to get eye level with a toy frog in the window and exclaimed well that's cute as hell then he popped back up and they kept walking in total silence that's amazing yeah the gift shop in a hotel is always weird or in a hospital is always weird i'm the one in the hotel too yeah the one in the hotel is always weird because you're like, it'll have like, depending on the hotel,

it'll have like a sweater. Yeah. Like, I guess, I guess I forgot to bring a sweater and then it'll have toiletries and then some magazines.

Cigarettes and stuff like that. I live not too far from a small hospital. Oh yeah. Like, I think it's maybe got two floors

and, uh, I've been in it a couple of times. I don't think they have a gift shop, but there's a flower, uh, store down the street that I think 90% of their business is, it must be.

I never thought of that. It must be like, I'm getting flowers for people in the hospital. Except on Valentine's day. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, man. I never thought about that because that flower store is really just out in the middle of nothing. Yeah.

And I was like, this has probably been here for decades. And there you go. There's also a funeral home. Yeah, that's true. Oh, boy. They are in the epicenter of... Oh, can you imagine Mother's Day? Oh, boy, they are in, you know, the epicenter of. Oh, can you imagine Mother's Day? Oh, holy cow.

Like, what are the occasions you give someone flowers for? They broke their leg. Yeah, they broke their leg. They smashed their face. They died. They died. They're a mother. They're a bitch.

They're a child. Oh, yeah. That song was actually used in an FTD campaign. And then, you know, like, just sometimes you go, flowers on a date. You know? This is like, now

it's like Family Feud. It's like, oh, yeah, where would you use flowers? We asked a hundred people. For Algernon! Good answer. Good answer. Good answer. This next one comes from Megan. Oh, Megan M. From now from the UK?

No, no, no. This is from Minnesota. Maybe that's where Megan M. came from. Sure. I don't know. I don't know where. I haven't cracked that vanity fair. I just look at the cover.

Do you get a lot of vanity fairs? I had a subscription up until very recently. Oh, okay. And there's always like a lot of stories about like really rich people, like inside the academy that's having a scandal. And I'd be like, I don't, I don't even care about an Academy. That's just down the street from me. Let alone, you know,

you know, unless it's a karate Academy. Yeah. And I do care. You're right. What would their scandal be? Uh, the woods been pre-cut.

Yeah. Oh yeah. Um, they've been saying, yeah. Hi. Instead of hi. Yeah.

Teaching it all wrong. Uh, I was driving home from work yesterday and saw a bumper sticker that almost made me have a car accident. The car to my right had a very professional looking window sticker that said powered by vape. Are you powered by vape? Don't ask me. You are a smoker. Yeah. Have you thought about vaping?

Oh, yeah. Would you ever cross over? No, I think I'm pretty close to quitting smoking, and I don't really want to get into the vape zone. How can you tell you're close? I can tell I'm close because I don't enjoy it. Yeah, there's a little tingle in my butt. You don't enjoy it?

At night, my butt talks. It says, you should quit. I just don't like it anymore. And so I'm just obviously just doing it because I need to. Because you're addicted. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm like, this is gross. I should stop.

But you know what's not gross? A beautiful cloud of... Peppermint. Yeah, bubblegum flavor. This last one comes from Jake from Melbourne, Australia. On the train were two teenagers, one sitting on a seat and the other rocking back and forth on his BMX. Did I read this one before? I don't think so.

rocking back and forth on his BMX. Did I read this one before? I don't think so. The BMX rider said, You know, when I was seven, I thought they shouldn't call it ones or twos. They should make it rhyme. They should say twos for poos and threes for wheeze.

He then said very earnestly, Yep, back then I was actually quite advanced for my age. I mean, we've all thought it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why is it ones and twos? Yeah. And then why is it so and so on the... Is DJ's on the ones and twos?

Yeah. It's because he's mixing P.M. Pooh. Yeah. Oh, I never thought about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of the

modern music we listen to is made up of waste products. Ah. Cool. So that's what that that's what that Rolling Stone critic meant.

But when you hit it you really hit it. You really hit it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Live performance. Live. Is that what you say? Perform live.

Perform live. Keep going. When you don't hit it man you I don't want to watch you and you are very bad. Pretty much. If you're not

getting 100% if you're not getting 100%, if you're not an A plus, you're an F. Yeah. That's a really, I don't, I would never, like,

I would never go up to somebody who just performed and say anything. Other than great job. Yeah. Like, I just don't, I just don't have whatever's in that person. I don't have it. Yeah.

I think people, uh, don't have whatever's in that person. I don't have it. Yeah. I think people, uh, don't know. Like they don't, they think you need, they, they think you weren't present for it. Yeah.

Yeah. I know how the audience reacted. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's, I know how it feels when it's going really well. Yeah.

And it's weird too. Like, as I've seen, I've had that also like comedy shows a lot or where somebody will come up and they'll say right to the person that's sitting next to me. I liked you better than the headliner. I'm sitting right there. Yeah.

Right here. Now I've been the guy next to you. I've been at a, there was a show where someone came backstage. It was you, me and John door. And a guy was like, Hey,

you were great. And John was great. That other guy was not it. He, he, he needs to work on it. I was like, and I was like,

I'm here. Like, I'm looking at you. Like I'm shoulder to shoulder with Graham. Who invited you backstage? Oh, my God. That's crazy. It is crazy.

It's like John Doerr's cousin's friend. Oh, okay. But it is. It's like it's a weird. I would never think to just go, yeah, say anything, but like, hey, that was great. Or not even that, really. If you didn't like it, just don't say anything but like, hey, that was great. Or not even that, really. If you didn't like it, just don't say anything. Yeah! I mean, usually people, unless

you think someone is so delusional that they did terribly and they think they did great and you feel like you need to say something. But even then, why are you? Why are you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They'll figure it out eventually. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's, yeah. Yeah, it's not. The hardest is when

someone did really badly and you want to be like, that was okay. Yeah, that was pretty good. Yeah. But, like, you have to find the right way, like, because they know

they did badly. Yeah. But you don't want them to feel like it's the end of the world. Yeah. Because they're, like, really new at it or something.

Yeah. I'm really guilty of that in shows because I just like to be, like, positive and, like, just encouraging of everyone because I know it's hard. But sometimes it's like, oh, that was a bad idea. You should have just not said something. Like, if someone did poorly and I'm like, that's great.

Like, they know. Or, like, you really weren't paying attention. Right. Like, you were just backstage talking to someone else. But the person comes off stage and you have to be like, I was paying attention. Yeah. I was most definitely paying attention.

Yes. Here is a reference to one thing I heard you say. I love that. Early on. I love that, hey, how you doing bit. Yeah. Man, I think you said off the top. Yeah.

I don't like it when I do bad and someone's like that was amazing oh really no it wasn't but then sometimes you think it went there is the occasion where you think it went bad but then it's actually not like the audience actually did like it right you didn't get the reaction you were hoping for yeah yeah yeah so you're like that was bad yeah but it really wasn't bad but even then still don't have to tell anybody yeah well with comedy like you you can either you either hear the laughs or you don't yeah uh but like sometimes yeah there is that thing of like the audience is totally enjoying this just not really laughing very much. Yeah. And the performer thinks it's going so bad. So bad, yeah.

And so they constantly make reference to it, like, wow, you guys are really making me work for it up here. Yeah, to the point where the audience begins to not enjoy it. Yeah, where they're like, oh, yeah, this guy doesn't seem to know what he's doing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't realize how much I wasn't laughing until... Oh, that was a cool, like, I didn't realize how much I wasn't laughing until.

Oh, that was a cool, like, really getting into the digging down deep, unpeeling the onion of this. Really, baby. Of this business we call show. Now, in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls for one episode only. We're expecting your phone calls. And if you want to call us, the phone number is 1-844- 779-7631. That's one. Ugh. Spypaw.

One. Merry Christmas. Hey, Dave, Graham, and guest. This is Colin calling from California. Calling with an overheard. I was at Sequoia National Park in California, which has the world's largest tree. And to see the world's largest tree, you have to walk down a little path. And obviously, once you're done seeing the biggest tree, you walk back up the path.

It's kind of steep. It's kind of up in the air, so the elevation is an issue. So I was walking down, and a family couple with a 10-year-old girl were walking back up, and as I passed them, I overheard the little girl say, No, it's not working. You were wrong.

It's going slower. It was going faster when I was complaining. Okay. No, your theory is completely debunked. Does it go a lot faster if you stop complaining? Well, let's wait and see. Okay, I'm willing

to try it out. Also, like, I mean, seeing the world's largest tree is probably neat, but probably also not. Yeah, especially in a place where it's like it's probably one percent bigger than all of the trees around yeah and it's like how big i might be wrong about that it's probably cooler in your head than when you actually see it like because i'm picturing

like a tree like huge big tree yeah although the christmas tree we got last year's pretty big yeah bushy too yeah yeah Strong Strong Carried a lot Of ornaments That's always That's Speaking of all things Christmas That's a real

Kind of Morose day When everybody Puts out their Christmas tree For the recycling Yeah And it's just got like

Some tinsel on it Sad It's a sad day It's like a Trump tweet Yeah Sad day When everyone Puts out their tree It's got some tin. It's like a Trump tweet. Yeah. Sad day when everyone puts out their trees.

Got some tinsel on it. Sad. Send. Here's the next one. Hi, boys. This is Robin from Chicago. Yesterday, I was standing in line behind two teenage girls at a craft store, and one of them said to the other,

so I called that guy a fascist and he was like i have no idea what that means but it's probably true well off i go it's like a fashionista yeah yeah oh yeah i'm a maxinista yeah a fascist yeah if you don't know what it is, although most ists are not, if you, somebody's calling you that, it's probably not great. Yeah. Like you're a racist. Like you can put it together what that is. Yeah. You're grimace.

You're grimace. You're a gorillas in the mist. Yeah. I mean, how did, how does somebody not know what that word means especially someone who like who embodies the qualities of a fascist yeah i think people are just like it was so many years of being like this guy's a total grammar nazi where they had to like expand it to like, okay, not specifically national socialism, but fascism in general. Yeah.

Especially because people are that. Yeah. Yeah. There are fascists. Oh, more than ever. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, not more than ever, but prouder than ever. Yeah. Yeah. They're out there. Yep. In my lifetime anyway.

Good time to be alive. And you know what? There's good and bad people on both sides. Yeah, exactly. On all sides. Really. Here is your final overheard of 2015-17. Happy birthday.

Hey, Dave and Graham and reputable guest. My name is Joe calling from Orlando, Florida with an ogre theme slash shirt. I install water softeners for a living and when I was finishing up a service for a person, a lady,

I was wrapping stuff up and she got home a little bit after and we were speaking and during the conversation she looks over to her son who might have been maybe 11, 12 years old and younger kid and says, hey, go outside and scoop the poop. So I'm thinking, yeah, he's going to go out there and do chores like a kid does. He went out there with a shovel and he started throwing poop into the neighbor's yard. So it turns out the neighbor has dogs who poop in this person's yard.

So she asked her son to grab all the poop from their dogs and throw it back into their yard. Well, the lady next door sees her son doing that. She loses her mind and starts screaming. They're yelling back and forth about the dogs and the poop and I've asked you to pick up the poop, you don't pick up the poop. So the lady whose yard was, the poop was getting thrown into her yard, she

the owner of the dog, goes inside, grabs a shovel and starts scooping the poop back up and throwing it back into the other neighbor's yard. So then the other lady grabs the shovel out of the kid's hand and she starts throwing poop back. So they're literally slinging poo at each other. And

by that time I was like, alright, well, I think I'm done here. Couldn't find the leak. It looks like everything's okay. So I'm going to get out of here. And then I left. Off I go! Didn't it feel like there was gonna be more to it yeah like uh it turns out uh there was no problem with her water softener wow but just that there were these two grown adults like having a poop fight yeah yeah yeah wow i mean that's to be lucky to see that in your life.

Yeah. Wow. And if your dog is going into someone else's yard, you pick it up right away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't wait until your neighbor flings it back over your head. It's harvest day. One day a year where we pick up the poop. But yeah, pretty, that's a scene.

That was a scene and like to do it in front of like a total stranger too. Huge. Huge. Huge. Huge. Wow. Yeah, that was great That was great

Perfect overheard to end off the whole year Yeah, what a great year it's been David Bowie's back alive Prince is back alive Everyone we lost in 2016 came back They came roaring back You know We've managed to sidestep nuclear war

You know, well, if to sidestep nuclear war. You know, well, if you're listening to it. Six more days. That's right. That's true. And, you know, everything's good. 2018. That's going to be a year.

Oh, boy. That's the year of nuclear war? Yeah. Mark your calendars. It's going to be a real wild ride. You know, and not just because Disney has reformatted their Tower of Terror to be a Guardians of the Galaxy ride. I thought you were going to go with Mr. Toad's wild ride. Oh, and that new Marvel, that Marvel movie's coming out in 2018. So many things are going on.

And they've refitted Mr. Toad's wild Ride to be Mr. Chode's Wild Ride. Why? It's so gross. Yeah. Aaron. Yeah. Thank you so much for coming and being on the podcast. Thank you for having me.

I was going to say it should be Mr. Chode's Wide Ride. Yeah. Mr. Ch's wide ride No you were right Instead of a thing saying you must be this tall to ride It says you must be this short to ride You and the rest of the Sunday service Will be performing

New Year's Eve New Year's Eve At New Year's Eve. At? Oh, it's going to be earlier. Okay. Yeah, so I think it's like at- It's going to be on December 27th. Eight or something.

Yeah. And then we also are doing a show- That's at the Fox Cabaret. It's at the Fox Cabaret. And then there's like a dance party afterwards. Afterwards, yeah. Yeah. And then there's also a show where?

On Christmas Eve. Oh, Christmas Eve. But we will have missed that. We already missed that. Oh, we already missed that. Okay, cool, cool, yeah. And then there's also a show where? On Christmas Eve. Oh, Christmas Eve. But we will have missed that. We already missed that. Oh, we already missed that. Okay, cool, cool, cool. And anything else coming up in the new year? No, you know, just look for me on the streets,

rocking my smile and, you know, getting into mischief. If anyone sees you smoking, let's say, still in April, they should knock it out of your hand. Sure, knock it out

of my hand. Yeah. Hand you a vape pen. Hand me a vape pen. Yeah. I mean, really, I'm looking for

a vape sponsor to get out of this. Oh, there's plenty to choose from. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm just waiting for the Black Forest cake flavor to happen. Oh, wow. That's very specific. Yeah. So rich. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just waiting for the black forest, uh, cake flavor to happen. Oh, wow. Is that,

that's very specific. Yeah. So rich. Yeah. Yeah. Just, just one puff for me. Yeah.

So, so like a moment, moment on your vape, the lifetime on your capes. Sure. Um, and, uh,

yeah, if, uh, where, where can people find you online? Is there anything? Um, uh Yeah If uh Where can people find you online Is there anything Um You tweet

Yeah you tweet No I You untweeted Well I I logged out of my account And I'm waiting the 30 days So I don't have an account anymore Alright

Oh I just get stuck on it Fair So but in 30 days Listener You can own at teen farts. It will become available. I mean, it's going to be a race to see who can secure teen farts. At teen farts.

Yeah. How does it work? You sign out and you say 30 days. Yeah. And once the 30 days has passed, you're out. Yeah. Give you a whole month to reconsider? Well, they really want you to.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Because, you could really come back around to it in a month. You're going to be like, I miss it. But if you tell a white supremacist to fuck off, you're banned. Yeah. That's the quick way around?

Yeah. That's you're automatically out. You don't get the're banned. Yeah. That's the quick way around. Yeah. That's your automatically out. You don't get the 30 day. Yeah. And you folks out there, speaking of Twitter, if you want to follow us on Twitter, it's at stop podcasting.

You can go to Reddit if you want. They've got great pictures and videos of all sorts of things on Reddit, but they've specifically, there's a maximum Fun thread on Reddit. What else? Where else are we? Facebook. Facebook. Join it. Join Facebook. Yeah.

That's your resolution. Yeah, you've logged off of Facebook for the mandatory probably 30 days as well, or is Facebook, if you delete your account, you're done? I think you can permanently delete it. But I think after a while it becomes, yeah, I think it's the same thing. Like you can log back into it.

Ah. Huh. Because, yeah, Facebook would be. So nice. We're all trapped in it. We're all trapped in it forever. I've got like an extension thing where it just blocks your entire news feed. So you only get messages and notifications

about events. So I never see anything anyone ever posts. There you go. Oh, yeah, me either. Yeah. Smart. I'm just going Facebook. They're just natural. Yeah. Good luck. It's tough. Thank you. I need it.

I'll post like, I post the episodes. Yeah. And then I It's tough. Yeah. Thank you. I need it. I, I will, I'll post like, I post the episodes. Yeah. And then I go on like once a month and comment on like past guests, Chris Vons on bath. He was asking, I don't like saying dude.

Can I, is there another word I can use? Ombre. I said gnarly boy. Yeah. Gnarly boy is good. What would you say instead of dude? Instead of dude? Yeah.

Um, Oh, Strong, Strong Head. Hey, Strong Head. Mr. Strong Head. Yeah. Yeah. So it's the end of 2017. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And if you Strong Heads like the show, tell your other gnarly dude friends.

And thanks for listening and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.