Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 513 - Ryan Beil

Episode Date: January 15, 2018

Actor and improviser Ryan Beil returns to talk plays, Europe, and indoor activities.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 513 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's doing some jazz hands exercises, getting ready for the show, Mr. Dave Shumka. I was going to reach for my phone and it was me just like stopping myself.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Aha, no, no. Oh, no, no. Hi, Dave. Hi, Graham. How are you? Good, you? Oh, good. Good. I'm tired. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no. Hi, Dave. Hi, Graham. How are you? Good. You?

Oh, good. Good. I'm tired. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just got in from Europe one day ago. Yeah. So I'm at Jetlag. Jetlag?

Jetlag. Sorry. I know it's Jetlag. Yeah, Jetlag is Rocket Boy. What's that guy called? Oh, Astro Boy. Thank you. That's his jet.

Who's in the studio right now. Hi, everyone. Astro Boy, I love your hair. Yes, it's a helmet. Yeah, why? Is it? I don't know. Why aren't you wearing a shirt, Astro Boy?

An older boy told me not to. And that voice you're hearing, the voice of Astro Boy, actor, comedian. The voice of Astro Boy. The voice of Astro Boy. Member of the Sunday Service, which performs every Sunday at the Fox Cabaret. Correct. Mr. Ryan Beals, our guest. Thank you for having me, guys.

Hi, Ryan. Hi, Astro. You can call me Stro. He was a robot boy? I don't know. I remember seeing it once on my aunt's TV and being like, this is the best show. I was in Quebec at the time, and I was like, what channel? How do I get this at home?

Never saw it again until it was on a, you know, a throwback lunchbox. Yeah. I think he was a mechanical boy. Like a modern day Pinocchio. Yes, exactly. A flying Japanese Pinocchio. Yeah. With little rocket boots and a sister, I think, who he sometimes enjoyed.

Sometimes was like, get out of my back. Yeah, get out of my room. Yeah, yeah. As soon as I want to do. Should we get to Noah's? Yeah. Get to Noah's. Ryan, it's been a while since you've been on the show.

Was it like 2011? I don't have a record of that. Do you want me to search that? No, I think it's been two years. Too long. How are things? You were last year. We talked about Rice-a-phony.

Rice-a-phony? Is that knockoff Rice-a-roni? No, it was the San Francisco startup brand that makes special rice for when you get your iPhone. Oh, yeah, Rice-a-phony. Nice. And we were obsessed with the Pet Shop Boys. Oh, sure. Still, still to this day.

Good memory. Yeah, some obsessions never go away, right? What's been going on since we last met? You went west. Oh, I go west. Life is peaceful there. I've been doing some plays, I suppose. I love plays.

Yeah. Dave loves the theater. Oh, boy. I remember I was doing a play once, and suppose. I love plays. Yeah. Dave loves the theater. Oh, boy. I remember I was doing a play once, and I saw, it was a small theater, and I saw Dave was in the back row, and I went, oh, man. He's going to hate this. It wasn't the back row. The back row was full. Yeah.

It was in the back. So he could throw paper airplanes, and nobody could see who did it. That was the David Sedaris play? That was the David row was full. Yeah. It was in the back. So he could throw paper airplanes and nobody could see who did it. That was the David Sedaris play? That was the David Sedaris play. And you played David Sedaris? Essentially, I did. Yeah, I played his, when he wrote the story,

it was a collection of stories called Sandland Diaries when he worked as an elf in the mall. And one thing I remember about that play was there was a very impressive transition

and the audience didn't do anything. Like, you got no reaction. Well, that might imply that it wasn't that impressive. I thought it was very impressive. What did you? What was the transition? I don't remember. Could it have been when I started off not dressed as an elf, went backstage, and had a quick change and came out dressed as an elf?

Yeah, very quickly. But what wasn't impressive about it was if you knew who I was, you could clearly see I was like 100 pounds heavier because I was wearing two sets of clothes. There was nothing that impressive. Yeah, you were wearing that 100-pound elf costume. And is it the worst when you're doing a play and then somebody you know is in the audience? Because, you know, for comedy shows, it's pretty bad.

For me, I always have some of my worst shows when I know people are in the audience. I just get in my head a little bit. Right. Or somehow, for some reason, get embarrassed and ashamed of my career choice. Even though this person is going to support you or whatever. No, I know it's this weird sort of send out the understudy

yeah exactly oh boy I wish I had understudies to ridicule at the time of this recording the finals of the world junior hockey tournament are on

right now oh Sweden yeah and it's all these 18 year old guys just hard bodbodied. Rock hard. Diamond hard, I would say. Yeah, some is diamond hard.

And they keep showing shots of their parents in the crowd. All of them. Also pretty hard. Every single one of them has their parents in the crowd. And I guess that's just not something you see in like... I can't think of another thing that's broadcast live. It's like an award show. There's Billy Crystal's parents in the crowd.

They're so proud. Although that would be fantastic. That would be amazing. There are 130. It's like the UN Security Council is passing a resolution. That's the Secretary General's parents right there. Mr. and Mrs. Moon. They've got a banner, a homemade banner.

Is it still Bonkey Moon? I don't know. Or is it Bonkey Bartokomus? Yeah, it's Bonkey Bartokomus. I'm not up to date. I'm not up to date. I'm not up to date with you. So you've done a couple plays. A couple plays.

And doing a play at the moment. I did a very dramatic play. Mm-hmm. Angels in America. Oh. Right. And how is being in a very, because you're a very funny man. Mm-hmm.

But you do that a lot. You're in a lot. I do a lot of theater, but I don't play a lot of, I usually play funny parts. Okay. So what is Angels in America? We all know from that time it was an HBO series. We didn't watch it, but we saw a bunch of Emmys. Were you Ed Harris?

Yes, I was the sniper. Jackson Pollock. No, I was a character named Lewis. What was he a sniper in? Wasn't he at that World War II sniper movie, which might have been the title of it? Oh, that's the name of it? World War II sniper movie? Sniper versus sniper.

There was like two snipers, and they respected and hated each other. Oh, yeah, they found out that they had more in common. Oh, yeah, they were both Nazis. The American guy was like, I think I that they had more in common. Oh, yeah, they were both Nazis. Oh, yeah. The American guy was like, I think I might be a Nazi, too. Yeah. The more I shoot at one, the more I... Yeah.

Anyways, yeah, there was this night for a movie, Ed Harris was in it. Yeah. Tell me something he hasn't portrayed, though. Oh, yeah. You know, he's never been, like, a silly neighbor in any movie, as far as I know. True. Ed Harris, popping by. Yeah. He's never been... a silly neighbor in any movie, as far as I know. True. Ed Harris popping by. Yeah.

He's never been. Looking over the hedge. The black guy that dies first in a horror movie. Yeah, he's never done that. There's still time for him, though. He's good at playing. What is he best at playing? A creep?

Kind of a complicated creep. Yeah, someone you don't want to be around. Yeah, yeah. He was the director guy in Truman Show. Right. Thank God.

Complicated creep. Kind of wore like a Kangol backwards, I believe. And he was like the... Like a director would. Yeah, he was a guy that had only one eye

in a history of violence. Oh, yeah. He was the guy that came to town and like, hey, Eddie, or whatever the guy's name was. He was a sniper in Sniper vs. Sniper.

S-V-S. A World War II sniper movie. Not to be confused with Sniper starring Tom Bergeron. From America's Funniest Of Videos. He's more famous for Dancing With The Stars. This is what I would do. Who am I thinking of? Tom?

Schneider? Who played Sniper? He was also the substitute? Oh, Tom. Not Dillinger. Not Bergeron. Not Sizemore. Now all I can think is Not Bergeron. Not Sizemore. Now all I can think is Tom Bergeron.

Yeah, I know, and I want him in these movies. Well, that's what I was going to say. I was thinking about this the other day. I don't know if I ever talked about this before, but you know the holodeck on Star Trek? Yes. Let's say I do. Let's say you know what it is.

I would spend my time... Berenger. Oh, Tom Berenger. Bergeron, Berenger. This is an example of what I would do. I would spend my time... Berenger. Oh, Tom Berenger. Bergeron Berenger. This is an example of what I would do. I would spend my time recasting famous movies with terrible other actors in it. For instance, like a sniper movie with Tom Bergeron. I'd like to see that.

Yeah. Or Shaquille O'Neal in... Anything. In the bridges of Madison County. I went, yeah, biopic with it. But yeah, Shaquille O'Neal as Jackson Pollock. Yeah, totally.

Shaquille O'Neal just redoing all of Ed Harris's parts. Because they can do that now with CGI, thanks to Christopher Plummer. Yeah, thank God. Yeah, thanks to the work of Christopher Plummer. Yeah. Thank God. And yeah thanks to the work of Christopher Plummer.

You can replace any actor who's been accused. With Christopher Plummer. Yeah. He's got a copyright on it.

That sort of that that Kevin Spacey replaced by Christopher Plummer. Yeah. They did it in like a week. Yeah.

And but couldn't they have cast someone more Kevin Spacey's age? Yeah. Like that sounded strange from the get go. But wasn't it, wasn't Kevin Spacey playing an old guy? Oh, so yeah. Which is also,

like it's always, it's weird when they like old up somebody and they're never playing the young version of that person in the movie it's like why don't you just get an older person no no we'd rather

old up Johnny Depp he's gonna he's gonna he would look weird olded up wouldn't he well he already is

olded up yeah have you seen him on talk shows is he he looks like if the scarecrow from Wizard of Oz was going on

American Idol. You know? But like had made it past the first round and they kind of gave him some cool clothes. He had some scarves. A long dangly necklace. I was in a I was in Europe

at my in-laws house and they have, they live in Switzerland but they have British cable and in every commercial break

there's a perfume ad. Really? Or a cologne ad. Smelly people. And Johnny Depp is in this one for Sauvage by Dior.

And it starts with him playing guitar. Oh, cool. Just a slide, and then he puts his guitar down and rides on a motorcycle into the desert. These were all Johnny Depp ideas. Digs a hole. Does he really dig a hole? Digs a hole and takes off all of his rings and throws them in the hole. Cool.

Sauvage. Tax evasion by Sovash. Bury, bury, bury your gold. Armageddon is coming. He's a guy that I think

probably on the day was like, let's do a scene where I'm playing guitar and the director is like, well, yes.

I can't stand him. Johnny Depp yeah he's an actor oh but you like his music yeah I like his music and his work in the perfume industry what's his band

called Hollywood Vampires Hollywood Vampires yeah with Joe Perry Joe Pesci Joe Pesci

all Joe's Tom Perringer Tom Perringer this is where we go back to my holiday thing. So I would put that band together and I would watch a full concert. And the computer would generate it for me.

The witty banter, how they met. How do you feel about actors that release musical albums in general? As an actor, how do you feel about that? Yeah. As a classically trained actor. As the guy from the NW commercials. And I did release a rock album when I was in my NW days. Burger all night long.

Burger around the clock. I think everyone wants to be a rock star deep down, but I think it would have to be a case-by-case basis. Can we think of any? I mean, Keanu Reeves was a case-by-case bassist. Can we think of any? I mean, Keanu Reeves was a case-by-case bassist. Was he the bassist? He was. The dog star?

Yeah, he was. But that was, I think, I remember the time of being very hyped up. I never heard any of their music. Yeah. He was just the bassist, so he wasn't writing songs. Not that the bassists can't write songs, but he wasn't singing. And like, you know, Jared Leto. Yeah.

His band's actually known as a band. But he started, did he go from band to acting? No, he was an actor when he was on My So-Called Life. Okay, okay. And I thought he was, I really thought he was just a guy who was that guy. I cast him because he was that guy. And now he's

a male and rat. Awful. And I hate the method. Yeah? Method acting is so silly. So tell us about that. Have you tried it? Well, we studied it a little bit in theater school so what is it exactly because i know what i think it yeah now

it's i'm gonna i'm gonna kind of grossly oversimplify it good because we cannot handle um because again anything more but it's it's the idea of of using sort of of like sourcing real life memories or like becoming so engrossed uh beyond just performance that you're able to sort of uh find the emotional sort of range that you need like sort of the classic examples are you know um what's his name in his dumb little time machine daniel day which is infuriating to me. Especially because... But it goes beyond that too. It would be like,

I think also the method involves thinking about real life things that made you sad when you had to be sad. Or like I did a movie with a guy who had to be mad in a scene.

So he was mad and jerked everyone before he did the scene and then afterwards he was like, oh that was cool, that was great. It was like,

yeah well you were a real piece of shit for most of the morning. It's kind's like oh that was cool it was great it was like yeah well you were a real piece of shit for most of the morning it's kind of fun though that people have to tolerate that yeah you can just declare your method

and you get to be a wild asshole well that's like that the Jim Carrey documentary that came out that's the whole that's the entirety of that

he's like I went out into outer space and then I think Andy Kaufman was a dickhead so I also justman was a dickhead, so... So I also just acted like a dickhead. Yeah.

And there's footage of him, like, throwing things around on set. And it's just people who are like, I don't know, man. I know. I know. I know. I know. But, like, you know, everyone's process is different. And I'm sure there's parts of the method that I'm completely missing and glossing over.

It was written by Stanislavski, an actor prepares if you want to read up on it yourself. Okay. I don't read Russian. But man,

David Mamet, man, he hates that man. What is David Mamet like? David Mamet's like, ooh, Stanislavski was an amateur, man. Okay. Okay.

Okay, man. Terrible writer. That's a written chapter. He's like, M-A-A-A-A-N-N, comma, man. Terrible writer. That's a written chapter. He's like M-A-A-A-A-N-N comma man. Um,

my problem and it just occurred to me because when you said Daniel Day-Lewis going through the time machine, present day Daniel

Day-Lewis like is a cobbler. Yeah, that's true. What does he need to go in a time machine for? Like he's

hammering leather soles on his shoes but also like I don't understand how walking through that time machine and then going to the catering truck and eating a burrito like he would be everything would confound you

yes oh I know so there must be more like he must have had dress up PAs to bring him period snacks. Yeah. And the scripts had to be like

on parchment. Yeah. The cameras had to be dressed up as like bears. There's a guy holding a leash. I need to get inside that bear again.

Change its lens. Yeah. But like you've worked with people who are. Every now and then. It doesn't come up so often. And I've noticed in the modern sort of age. I've worked with a few people on sets. I don't want to mention their names because they're not famous.

You'd really just be uninteresting and I'd just be slighting someone I know. Yeah. But yeah, every now and then it pops up. Most of the actors I've ever worked with have been really kind, nice people who use their imagination

to make believe. Can you cry? You know what? I was never really a person who could cry very well. And doing this show, Angels in America, it's in the script, it was like, my character Louis is like, Louis cries.

And then the other character would be like, stop crying. So there's no getting around it or no going like, I don't think he does cry here. So there's like too much reference to it. Who played Lewis in the HBO series?

I don't know his name offhand. I don't know a lot of those. Other than Pacino and Meryl Streep. Did you watch? Was that Harris?

I watched it back in the day. I'm so bad. I don't remember the man's name, but he was Dynamite. Oh, okay. Yeah.

Lewis. Lewis. Let's hear it for him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Lewis. He abandons his partner who contracts AIDS and he says... Contracts AIDS to do what?

Save Christmas. That doesn't sound like that sad of a play. It's crazy, man. But it's also... It was a very long show. It was. That's what it is. It's described as an epic. So it's also... It was a very long show. It was. That's what it is.

It's described as an epic. So it's two parts. Both parts are like... The first part was three hours and change. The second part was just under four hours. So there's two intermissions each time. Usually it's done in reps, so you would be able to see both parts.

So some actors do it. They learn six hours of theater. Oh. So as an audience member, and I love plays. Plays, they learn six hours of theater. Oh! So, as an audience member, and I love plays. Dave loves the theater. I would be going to seven hours of show? No, you would be, well, you could, if it was playing in rep,

which means it's like, so it's kind of like two plays in one, but it's described as part one and part two of the same play. And a lot of companies will do it where they'll do both parts, but they'll do like, one day this one, one day that one, one day this one, one day that one. And then sometimes in a matinee, they'll have it so they'll be like part one and part two on the same day so people can.

And people do. People do do that. There are like play events like that, which would be your version of hell or purgatory. No, I love it. I love heaven because I also really liked, oh, that Kenneth Branagh Hamlet. Ooh, give me that. Ooh, give Hamlet. Ooh. Give me that.

Ooh, give me more of that. Give me that on Laserdisc. Oh, yeah. You know sometimes you go to the movie theater and they have like, there's going to be a play playing on the screen. Like it's going to be broadcast live. Oh, yes. Or the opera. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've never. Not gone to one of those. I've never missed one. But I'm very curious who would be in the audience. So I think those would be some real theater nerds. You sound pretty authoritative.

Well, I know a lot of them. It's like people who want to go to London and see, like they would have like, you know, the National Theater's version of something like that. Right.

And you would sort of get, it's the closest you could go if you were too poor to. And would they, you poor to make it there. Right. And so they go to this high? I can only assume.

I mean, I'm high right now. I get high when I do things. Yeah. They go shroom? Yeah. Yeah, they go

they shroom hard. And then they go watch War Horse? Yeah. I want to see Daniel Radcliffe's dick. That's not this play. What? The lights are just going down?

Oh, man. Yeah, what about that? Like, sometimes there's a, like, nudity. Yeah, I've done nudity. A couple nude plays. Really? Entirely nude? Yeah, all the way down.

But like the for the whole play? No, both both had were just like two plays I've done that had nudity and then were just like sections of nudity.

The first one I did I was right out of theater school and I was going to say yes to everything that was brought. So like Say yes to the undress.

Theater company was like we want you to be in this play and I said yes of course they're like we'll read the script first and we'll talk about it tomorrow I was like okay yeah didn't read the script

got back the next day they're like do you want to do it I was like yes 100% yes absolutely you know this is the hunched dick of Notre Dame and they're like

well you'll be okay with shaving your head right I'm like oh yeah fuck I'll shave my head I don't care and your balls and the full frontal nudity is fine with you

I'm like yes absolutely it is apparently they wanted me to though do a version of the mangina I believe

which I said I wouldn't do because there's no method to get you ready for that I have to walk through some sort of box

I believe it was in the script I may be remembering it wrong but they wanted me to do some sort of puppetry of the penis it was manch script I may be remembering it wrong But they wanted me to do Some sort of puppetry Of the penis

It was Manchangels in America I said Angels in Manchinica I will get naked But I won't do I won't do that I won't go that far

And I did I'll do anything for love Yeah But I won't do that And like Was it That seems to me Like the scariest thing

It was terrifying I don't know how And when you're terrified What does that do to your penis? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hard as a young Canadian hockey player's body. Oh, man. Yeah.

But I was right out of theater school, so I was like, and I'll never have that fire again to do anything for work. Because now it's like i i hate working and do anything to not work yeah if you see in a script that you have to wear layers you're like and then this that was a i was i was naked alone on that one in the second naked show i did there was a big cast of people all different different shapes and sizes, and we all got naked together. Wow. At the end,

yeah. Was that hair? No, it was Studies in Motion about Edward Muybridge, who gave us

motion pictures. And that's what they're named after. Moishin Pictures. Moishin Pictures.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah and language evolves yeah yeah yeah that's right Moishin to motion soon it'll be Mooshin sorry

sorry no no no never never sorry so you've been in a bunch of plays yeah I've done a lot

of that's I went to theater school So that's what I was trained to do That's the only thing I'm trained to do Yeah And then What about Like operating a drill press

Yeah I've been trained to do that They won't give me my machinist card Because I apply every year What about those Like Rotting iron Soldering iron? No, when they like make a wrought iron, like when they bend.

When they bend iron? Yeah. Oh, yeah. You mean like in the carnival? Yeah. Like a strongman? A strongman. Yeah.

Are those people certified? Damn right they are. Yeah. And a couple of weeks ago, you and I were at the same wedding. That's correct. We were emceeing this wedding. That's correct, yes. And my favorite part of the evening was that you had forgotten to tell the Sunday service that they were going to be performing.

So the entire Sunday service was there, minus Caitlin Howden. She was, unfortunately, out east. Yep. But we were all there at the same table. Whose wedding was this that I wasn't invited to? Mark Chavez. Chavez.

He's been a guest? Yep. Yes. Great guest. Great guest. And we discussed it, but we just never finalized it

and I certainly didn't tell them and then but I was also not announcing that part of the entertainment so I was at the table with them

and I the other MC there was two MCs how greedy can you get was started talking about the Sunday service and we were all

kind of like oh this is nice give me a look and then slowly dawned on like, oh, this is nice. Just give me a little bit. And then it slowly dawned on us, like, oh, this is an introduction. You're not going to just move on after a paragraph. You're not going to go through everyone in the audience. Yeah.

So then I slowly turned to Taz, and Taz was looking right at me with, like, a smirk of, you idiot. You idiot. but it was great it actually worked out in my mind I may be a bit of an apologist here but I think it worked out a lot better

because we didn't think about it or plan it we just got up there we did something off the cuff which is what improv is all about

yeah that's true I don't know if I've ever I definitely have never been to a wedding that had an improv thing nope

I've only been to ones that have like a musical performance by sia i go to a lot of like weddings in the united arab emirates yeah a lot of rich people it's see is not a friend of them. They've hired Sia. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. A lot of like sweet 16 parties in the United Arab Emirates. Abu Dhabi, Dubai, that kind of thing. Qatar from time to time. Absolutely.

This New Year's Eve, I think it was one of the United Emirates launched the biggest firework ever. It was like basically just a missile that exploded in the sky. It was so crazy. They're like, there it is, the world's biggest ever firework. That's thrilling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How did it look? Pretty good.

Okay. Yeah. They filmed it? Yeah. They made you to construct. Cameras were strictly forbidden because you had to be in attendance to see it. Take our word for it. It happened and was spectacular.

Yeah. We have some artist renderings of people's faces looking at the fireworks. Oh. Oh. Wow. What did you do for New Year's Eve? Well, we had a Sunday It was on a Sunday So we did the Sunday service

How was that? Did you do it till midnight? No, no, God, no No, no, no, no We started earlier Because the party people wanted to get in And have us shut up So they could start dancing

Yeah And we did, and we obliged Absolutely, we obliged. Absolutely we obliged. Did you dance the night away? I stayed kind of hid up in the rafters. I'm sort of the Phantom of the Fox Cabaret. Hung a few people. Excuse me, hanged.

Does the Phantom of the Opera hang people? Yes, he does. Oh, I don't know that part of the play. Yes, he's actually quite good at it. Oh, really? He's the hangman of the opera. Well, yeah, I know Gondola. He goes on a gondola.

I know he's got half a face. I know. This might be in the original silent film, or it might be in Web Andrew Lloyd Webber's. But when they're searching for him. Web Andrew Lloyd Webber? Is that when you type in your symbol? Web Andrew Lloyd Webber.

And he gives you a play? I'm just too excited to talk about this. Screw up Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber's name. But they're like searching for the phantom in the depths of the opera house. And they have to put their hand by the side of their face so that if a noose comes, they can whip it away. Oh. Because he's so good at hanging. Wow.

Imagine being that good at hanging. A noose whip. He had a lot of time to work on stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All alone. Make that candle swamp. That's definitely a story I know nothing about. I know he's got half a face.

He's got a beautiful voice. A chandelier crashes at some point. He makes a chandelier. So he's kind of haunting this opera house. And a woman is in love with him? He's in love with her. So he steals her, steals her. But through the beauty of his voice and the music of the night, her. So he steals her, steals her. Yeah. And like, but through his,

through the beauty of his voice and the music of the night, I believe she falls in love with him sort of thing. I don't know

if they get together. But not before, does he ever take off the mask? Yes, eventually he does like, you'll find me hideous. She's like,

you're right. I should leave the mask on. The mask is fine. Good mask. Great mask. Let's think about all the other great masks. That you couldn't find.

Point Break, they wore some cool masks. Yeah, that movie The Mask. It was really funny. The Phantom of the Opera mask had a big, kind of like, kind of came up

in a lot of rap videos in the past decade. You know, like, you'd see someone in the back wearing a Phantom of the Opera mask. So I just, you know like you'd see someone in the back wearing a phantom of the opera mask so i just you know like i really like the musical theater is there a more iconic piece of musical i guess the technicolor dream coat dream coat oh like a bit of clothing yeah uh yeah technicolor dream coat the pajama man pajajama Man. Pajama Game. Pajama Game?

Yeah. I think the Pajama Man is whose wedding you were at. Yeah, the Cape Man. Wasn't that Paul Simon? Yeah, that cape from the Cape Man. ABBA. Yeah, sure. ABBA t-shirt.

The necktie from Moving Out. I've never seen The Phantom of the Opera, but I have a feeling my parents had the best of Andrew Lloyd Webber. I know the songs. The cat outfits. The cat outfits. The cat outfits, for sure. For sure. The gold LeMay numbers from a chorus line.

These are all great. The rollerblades from Starlight Express. Yeah. Which is like, what a stupid idea. These would be the great,

like if there was like a musical theater version of the Hard Rock Cafe. Oh, man. I've actually, I've always wanted

to just do Starlight Express like as best I can with a week's rehearsal. You know what I mean? Just like Ryan Beal presents. One Man? Yeah, exactly. With all the music, do Starlight Express like as best I can with a week rehearsal you know what I mean just like Ryan Beal presents One Man

yeah exactly with all the music all the backing tracks rollerblading around a tiny space I think it was originally roller skates was it

I thought it was always blades well blades were only early 90s yeah when I I saw I saw Starlight Express in London

oh wow and in there they built a theater that had like roller ramps all over it. So it was a roller skate. Yeah, roller skate. And then they updated it when the Blades came. Maybe. Yeah.

Did they ever update Xanadu with Rollerblade? I mean, if they were going to update it, and they should, it would be wheelies now. Those little wheelie shoes. Yeah. Heelys, right. Yeah, yeah. Or those wheelie shoes. Yeah. Heelys. Heelys, right. Yeah, yeah. Or those little hoverboards. Yes.

Oh, man. I saw two people on hoverboards, a couple, going across the Canby Street Bridge. They were the most joyless couple. Absolutely. Like they thought this was going to be fun, and then two minutes in, they were like, oh, this is all it does. We should break up. minutes in they were like oh this is all it does we should break up that because that was a thing like do people still hoverboard i feel like that was a thing couple for sure but like it was very trendy but i don't feel like it ever caught on no i have seen a few of those like skateboard

segue type things you know like the big wheel okay I've seen more of those around. Is there any hoverboard, uh, choreography on YouTube? Oh, there's, of course. I mean, I'm just guessing,

but I imagine there are thousands upon thousands of, and tutorials, how to do this trick. Yeah. How to like, how to hover. Cause I remember when I got my fidget spinner. Yeah. Uh, sorry, I'm, I'll when I got my fidget spinner. Yeah.

Sorry, I'll wait for you guys to stop going, what? Yeah, yeah. Please applaud. No, I had one. I spun. Yeah, I spun it, and then I was like, all right, I guess I'll go on YouTube and see what you can do with one of these things. Nothing. You can hold it on one finger while it spins.

I did watch a video of a guy reviewing different kinds of fid things? Nothing. You could hold it on one finger while it spins. I did watch a video of a guy reviewing different kinds of fidget spinners. He was like, but every time he was like, this one spins pretty good.

It passes the test. This one doesn't spin as good. What else have you been watching on YouTube? Recently, nothing too exciting. I feel like you're a big YouTube guy.

I like YouTube. I mean, I don't have cable and Netflix, I'm kind, nothing too exciting. I feel like you're a big YouTube guy. I like YouTube. I mean, I don't have, I don't have cable and, uh, Netflix, uh, kind of, kind of bored of it. Yeah. But YouTube's always got a new surprise. New surprise. And it's like, you know, it's more, more information based.

Like what do I, what, and what does it lead to as opposed to. What's, what's, what, why do they call it the suicide forest? Exactly. Exactly. Oh, I miss Logan. I miss him. Because most of the words suicide and forest. Uh, I miss his hijinks. Oh, is he gone? Enough reflection. I miss Logan. Because most of the work is suicide in forest.

I miss his hijinks. Oh, is he gone? Enough reflection, more hijinks. Oh, is he in sad now? Yeah, he's in sad. He's in self-imposed sad. And he's sorry to the whole internet. So that includes Candy Crush. This is the dude that went to the suicide forest.

Oh, I thought we were just talking about suicide forest. Is there a whole, I imagine there's probably a lot of YouTube videos in the suicide force. Yeah, or just documentaries of. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That bastard. Yeah. That bastard. He was so cool before. Yeah, he was. That's true. What was his thing? In like,

what is he, does he just make videos where he like, talks in a funny voice? Yeah, and he also does like silly pranks yeah and

did he dab at it every he does every time every possibility and the thing is he he has a younger brother

who's even more popular than him and they what's his name uh there's he's Logan

and Jake is his young yeah Jakeake paul are these americans these are they uh so one of them released a rap track they seem australian they seem like remember that guy that threw the party and then they interviewed him on the news? I think everyone is that guy. Yeah.

Oh my God. That's amazing. That's basically who these guys are. Yeah. Okay. But one of them released a rap track

and it went to number one on the iTunes. Wow. And he doesn't know how to rap and then his brother released a diss track back. That went to number one.

That is, I've been, I've misjudged track back. That went to number one. That is true. I've misjudged these guys. That's pretty good. That's pretty great. And then they released, I think, a co-song where they made up. Yeah. And they're like, hey, we're brothers. Oh.

Yeah. That's nice. So, you know. Have you guys noticed in rap music, in videos, sometimes a guy will be wearing a Phantom of the Opera mask? I have noticed that. Yeah, but like the old timey Phantom of the Opera, the black and white one, his whole face is jacked up.

Yeah, he's even creepier. So I don't know why they went down to half a face. I guess for singing? They needed at least half his mouth out. Memories. Wait, is that memories? Is that that? Memories?

No, I think that's cats. That's when the old cat is dying. Oh, okay. I was thinking of The Way We Were. Yes. Yeah. That's how Fen of the Opera

opens. Listen, watercolor memories. Yeah, anyways, we're all thinking about

you, Logan Paul. A lot of YouTubers going down. Oh, PewDiePie. Was that this

year? Yeah. Well, no, it's 2018. Oh, Ooh. PewDiePie. PewDiePie. Was that this year? Yeah. Well, no, it's 2018. Oh, dang. See you next year. Oh, man, you got me. What, he's a Nazi? Yeah, well, he said the N-word about someone who was, like, being kind of better at him at video games.

You got it. Like, yeah, so he was being an N-word. Yeah. And he even, like, was a hard R on it. There was, like, no getting around. Yeah, and he's not an N-word. Yeah. And he even, like, was a hard R on it. There was, like, no getting around. Yeah, and he's not... He pronounced every syllable. Yeah, yeah.

And this is somebody that predominantly, these are kids that watch these. Yeah, and it's... These videos. My boss watches them. Every now and then I'll talk to... What are you doing? Some, like, actors who are famous

When I'm on set And they go to like conventions Because they might be in science fiction shows Right And I've heard from two to three of them That like when they go there The longest lines are these Kids who play video games

And other kids watch them Like no one wants Like they're the most hot ticket At like comic cons and stuff like that What a dream Yeah you're just Making pretty good money playing video games. Like,

and I, I see that you're good at them or that you're bad at them or that you have funny things that you say during, I mean, like I was a little brother. I grew up watching my brother play video games and there was a certain enjoyment to it. Sure.

I mean, I had no option. He gave me too many Charlie horses. I picked up the controller. There were, there was a one player game. Yeah. It's like, he, he was like, he said he wouldn't be cut dead with Luigi. I mean, I had no option. He gave me too many Charlie horses. I picked up the controller. It was a one-player game. Yeah, he said he wouldn't be caught dead with Luigi. He wouldn't be caught dead.

Now, didn't you go to one of these conferences? Am I making that up? I'm going to my first. I do a voice on My Little Pony, and I'm going to my first My Little Pony convention this year. PonyCon. PonyCon, a PonyCon. A PonyCon. I don't know.

It's not called PonyCon. It's called something else, but there's like... ClipClapCon. It's like you're not far off. And what character are you? Zephyr Breeze. And can we speak to Zephyr Breeze, please? He sounds like this.

He sounds a lot like me, but like a little bit more like this. Yeah, he's got a little pep in his step. Yeah, he's a hairdresser. Okay. He's got a man bun, a blonde man bun. He's a giant turquoise pony. So now they're just catering to the bronies. He's got a five o'clock shadow.

And his whole arc was that he was a layabout and didn't do anything with his life but then his you know but then he gets his act together because his older sister

kind of and then I had to sing a song which was the most stressful thing his older sister does what? his older sister

is like it helps him believe in himself and realize that he's being selfish and what was the song that you had to sing?

what was it? oh god I can do it on my own. That was it, yeah. That's not bad. That is a good song. I think they had to pitch me a bit because I'm a terrible singer.

It was the most stressful thing, too, because I'm not very good at it. Well, I think that little bar right there was really nice. I can do it on my own. See, you're better than me. But boy, oh boy, I did search my characters

in the porn world, and there is a ton of it. Oh, really? I'm actually kind of flattered, even though I didn't draw it or create it, but it's me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's me. He does full frontal. Oh, huge full frontal.

Oh, so is that? Of course, that's a whole genre of porn. There's a subsection of porn. Yeah. Cartoon porn in general, I believe, is. Well, I mean. I've heard. Yeah, we've all seen, you know.

You know, those ads that pop up. George Jetson with Wilma Flintstone. Yeah, those ads that pop up when I'm watching other porn. You know. Sure, yeah. You know, Dino and Astro Boy. You can only think of those cartoons.

And I, this is why I would have the holodeck again. Who could I make fuck in the cartoon world? In the, only the Hanna-Barbera universe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Snagglepuss and... Droopy Dog. What was that,

what was that cartoon where they were all racing? Speed Racer? Weird cars. No, they all had like weird little cars oh uh with cars that like betrayed their character there's like one wacky racers something like that yeah with um i'd make them fuck as snively sheldon and yeah shapely sheldon and his dog snivels yeah and he was a wheezy he would laugh the wheezy dog oh yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah I mean they probably all that was the subtext of the whole yeah show was

when you're not watching yeah they're funny they're funny Dave what's going on with you man well it's the first episode

we recorded since I saw the movie Sniper. Sorry, Tom. Oh, man. No, since Christmas. And I went away for this Christmas. And I missed you. It's nice to see you.

Well, last Christmas, you'll recall, I gave you my heart. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the next day, took it to Best Buy, gave it away. Didn't need a receipt. So we took the babies over on the airplane. Yeah. And that was an adventure. How long a flight?

Like nine hours. On the Concorde. Yeah, we took Concorde with Phil Collins. Cool. As co-pilot. Not pilot. Celebrity co-pilot not pilot celebrity co-pilot he had to get

he had to he had gigs on both sides of live he was at both live aids oh wow um which is actually

the angels in america subtitle yes oh dear oh dear oh dear guys it's cool

yeah no he assures you um and we did we went to Oh dear. Oh dear. Guys, it's cool. Yeah, no. He assures you. And we did, we went to, Abby's parents live in Switzerland. That's crazy. We went to every, we did every Swiss thing. Fondues? Both fondues? Yeah, we, I guess.

Cheese and chocolate? We had cheese. In the same sitting? No. Okay. Cheese fondue at their house, chocolate fondue at the chocolate factory that we visited. Wow. With sledding

on an Alp. Yeah. Rescued by St. Bernard with a little thing of brandy. I did a commercial with a St. Bernard once. He was lovely. Huh? Was he method? Yeah, was he method? He was. He was playing a Chihuahua. He was.

And we went to, Abby and I took two days away, left the kids with their grandparents. And we went over to London. Oh, cool. And took a little trip. And we went, we flew over there and we were going to get on the train To the town from the town of London London town Foggy London town

And we get to the airport train station And it is just Chaos The train's not working So they're busing people Into town instead of taking the train But they're not telling anyone this.

And there's just chaos in the line. There's like five lines. No one knows where they're going. I'm in the rough. We're just up to queue. What line are you in? I'm in a queue, actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And this guy in front of us was an American guy, maybe 50, and had sideburns and dyed black hair and like a white scarf, white silk scarf. And I was like, what's this guy's deal? He's playing a propeller play. And he was like pointing things out. He didn't know anything, but he's like, you go over there. Telling me and Abby, you go buy a ticket from that guy and then you get in this line because we think

we're going to. And so while Abby is away buying something, buying the tickets, this, this guy turns to me and he's like,

where are you guys coming from? And I was like, I don't want to talk to you. I said, uh, Switzerland. Oh yeah, we're in Switzerland.

Zurich. And, uh, he says, oh, cool. Switzerland Oh yeah we're in Switzerland Zurich And He says Oh cool I opened Casino Zurich And He's an Elvis impersonator Well that's what I gathered

But I did not ask anything else I said Huh Uh huh Yeah Anyways This is We're really

Rocking around the clock here Maybe that's not an Elvis song It is I was trying to think of one too I think it's Love Me Tender Anyways, this is really rocking around the clock here. Maybe that's not an Elvis song. It is. I was trying to think of one, too. I think it's Love Me Tender. Well, sir, Love Me Tender. As they say in London.

How about a little less conversation? Viva Casino Zero. What do you mean you opened it? I'm a high roller So yes I was on in London town Did you finally get there? I picked up a bit of the accent I think I did already know But it happens to us doesn't it?

What accent is that? It's the one from London. North country. Yeah. Manchester. The Mersey Beach. Yeah, so that was fun. We saw all the shows in the West End.

Yeah, what are you? Phantom. Yeah. Cat. Phantom cats. Phantom cats. Cat phantom. Oh, so scary.

Yeah, no, we really, we arrived on Boxing Day, and our hotel was like right in the middle of the shopping district, and it was just chaos. Oh, yeah. Because it was like, oh, we didn't realize that Boxing Day was the thing here. See, isn't that maybe where it started? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, boy. Oh, Day was the thing here. Isn't that maybe where it started? Yeah. Oh boy. Oh boy. When did it take on its capitalist overtones?

I feel like that was maybe in the 90s. Yeah. Because that's when we before everyone did Black Friday like all the sales were the day after Christmas. Yeah. Makes sense. It makes the most sense i think yeah i have a cousin that used to go like get up early and go to the whatever door crashers

on boxing day uh but you know now do you come on no the internet now exactly with a drone oh exactly delivering you a thing yeah or those robot food delivery robots in LA, I believe. Oh, tell me more. You know, well, there might be in other cities across. They deliver robot food? What they are. Yeah. Bolts.

Don't be silly, Dave. No, you know those food delivery, like skip the dishes, your Just Eats, your whatever. Foodora. Your Foodora. Oh, I feel so bad for Foodora people because it's a terrible name yeah but

yeah what does it mean exactly how do you unpack that name it's a hat it's a hat pun yeah I understand but the whole point

why yeah why what does that have to do with delivery yeah or specifically on bikes see I completely missed that it's

Foodora I thought it was food door like food to your door. Fedora. Well, maybe. That makes more sense than the hat. There's only one double O in the food.

It's not in the door. Yeah, Fedora. Yeah. Fedora. Fedora. Makes even less sense. Yeah. Huh.

Huh. Just call it food. Or Dora. Yeah. But they got these robots now that deliver the food. Or Dora. Yeah. But they've got these robots now that deliver the food. Oh, wow. They're little guys with six wheels. Oh, okay.

And they know GPS. Sorry, I'm welling up here. And I think they can go upstairs. And they just want to Deliver their food So those are for sure Going to get stolen Well I think they made them Heavy enough that it's

That it's impossible Oh really? Like yeah So heavy it's impossible Did you take biology? Now Are they Yeah

Fuckable Yeah yeah yeah Yeah of course Any robot Give it enough enough retrofitting. You're like, oh, I have a tip in here somewhere for you. Wheel on into my living room for a second. Oh, boy. I brought your pizza with extra causing.

That's not what I ordered, robot. Back to the story with you. That robot thick, though. Yeah. Nice robot. So, yeah, I had a wonderful holiday. Yeah. That's nice that you got, got like a little getaway time.

It's like a play within a play. A holiday within a holiday. I needed a vacation from my vacation. Oh, boy. But yeah, it was great. And on the way home, it was we, like the three of us. I guess there's four of us. But the baby doesn't get her own seat.

Right. But we had three seats on the plane there. And then on the way back, we went from Zurich to London and then London home. And we knew we had our three seats together, except there was a giant storm in Switzerland. And so we missed our flight. And so we had to not sit together on the way home and uh it was margo

sitting by herself that's what air canada had done had done right and so we were like let's let's just forego this let's just go ahead and and uh override this and i'll sit by myself with the baby yeah yeah sorry margo that's what the ticket said and she she's flown a few times before and we've always gotten her a window seat and we hadn't prepared her for the fact that there would be she wasn't getting a window seat on this ride home oh boy and it was a big flip out on the plane oh no no. It hadn't occurred to us to tell her that. Man, I, when I was coming back from Calgary,

uh, I had that thing where you get, you know, like you're just like so exhausted just getting your seat and then somebody sitting in your seat. Yeah. You're like, so now we're going to have to do this dance, this whole rigmarole.

And so I, like it was the lady was, there was a lady sitting in my seat and then this other guy was like, okay, well one of you is in the wrong seat. And, uh, the guy, like, it was the lady was, there was a lady sitting in my seat. And then this other guy was like, okay, well, one of you is in the wrong seat. And the guy's like, it's not me. And I was like, fine, then it's her. Who cares? As long as one of you moves. And then she wouldn't.

She's like, no, I'm sitting in the right seat. And I was like, can I see your ticket? She's like, no, I'm in the right seat. And I was like, well, you're the only one not providing proof here. Like, if you've seen Judge Judy, she kind of wants to see the receipt.

that's the first thing she's going to ask. And then she showed me her ticket. She was sitting in what would have been her seat, but it was the date.

She's like, I see, I'm in, I'm in C28. And I'm like, that's the end of the word December. Like D-E-C-28. Unreal.. And I'm like, that's the end of the word December. Like D-E-C-28.

Unreal. Yeah, I was like. Unreal. I'm in deck 28. Well, I'll read one word. That's enough information. Even though there's many words on this ticket, I'll stop there. Oh, boy.

Well, there is a 28C on this, but it's not in the order it should be. Okay, I'm going to randomly point to one letter, two numbers, and that's my seat. That's where I'm sitting. Oh, boy. Oh, the other thing that happened is we went sledding, and so we would go up to an alp. Beautiful. Yeah, it was. And, you know, I didn't bring any ski gear or anything, so I just did my jeans.

Yeah, you're just sledding. I'm just sledding. Or sledging. Now, when you say sledding, like, sledding. Like a wooden sled. Yeah, they had wooden. They had plastic. We rented a plastic one.

Just sledding. Classic sledding. Just sledding. You take a little magic carpet up. Oh, nice. Come with me, little girl. Magic carpet ride. Magic carpet ride.

You know. And me, little girl, on a magic carpet ride. On a magic carpet ride. And the mascot for the mountain is this bird named Globy. Oh, yeah. Wow. Who's a blue bird who wears red and black checkered pants. Cool. So he's kind of like a California punk kind of guy. Yeah, yeah. He's based on Tony Canale from No Doubt.

Cool. Very cool. So, there's pictures everywhere on all the kids' stuff. Yeah. And then, actual mascot, Globie, shows up. And what does someone in a mascot suit do at Disneyland or whatever? Walk around, wave, say hi. Yeah.

Maybe have tea with a special kid. Exactly. This globey goes around calmly shaking kids' hands. Oh, man. Thank you for coming to our sled resort. I hope you enjoy your stay. Yeah, man. Thank you for coming to our sled resort. I hope you enjoy your stay. Yeah, exactly. Like, oh, pleased to meet you, and it's been a pleasure having you here.

When I was in Oaxaca, Mexico, I went to a baseball game and there was a terrible bird mascot of the Oaxaca Gueros. And long story, he was the most unhappy, disinterested mascot you've ever seen named Tato. Potato, it's hard to say. And then at the end of the game, he came out,

every now and then he'd come out and like clap a few times, barely dance and then walk back inside. But at the end of the game, he came out not wearing his mascot head.

That's like, that's his gimmick. The whole job is to wear the mascot. It's a curtain call. It's like, now is your time to salute.

He was just standing there without his bird head on. Smoking. Yeah's like now is your time to salute it. He's just standing there without his bird head on. Smoking. Kind of watching the game sort of. People loved him though.

That's his gimmick. People love Tato. In mascot circles he's the guy who's he's the Andy Kaufman. He's breaking all the rules.

Everybody wants to be Tato. Or Tato. Hard to say. Hard to say. Women want him. Men want to be him. Birds are confused by him.

So, yeah. Great holiday. But he said it sounds great. Yeah. It sounds wonderful. It really was. How long were you in Europe for? Was it long enough?

Two weeks. That's long. That's long enough. Two weeks. Long enough that... That doesn't feel crazy. That we should have gotten off the jet lag, but we never did. Or I never did.

I was still going to bed at nine o'clock every night. Because the kid was waking up at four. Oh, wow. Yeah. It's hard to convince a child that jet lag, what's happening with jet lag. I think like one of the, for real, like one of the people that won the nobel prize last year like their whole thing was about body clocks and how different parts of your body are on different clocks really yeah and like it was to do with like people who work shift work and

and time zones and all this morning wood yeah morning wood and why why do i get mine in the afternoon on the bus it's called roadwood it is isn't it on the bus. It's called Roadwood. It is, isn't it? On the bumpy road. Yeah, yeah. I remember

that movie, Patrick Swayze. Yeah, Roadwood. Quite a ribald episode. Yeah, yeah.

Yes, excuse me. I play myself. So, what's up with you? I, I, as, as you would draw a conclusion from me being on a plane on the 28th,

went home for holidays and got there just as the weather turned to this crazy frozen thing that the whole country's been like, except for us, has been in the grip of, minus 35 the whole time i was there god so like you couldn't even you couldn't even like go out and just like breathe you know it was like that kind of weather like you're like going out to the car you're like ow and like you felt like all your nose hairs froze and your eyelashes started freezing together uh so it was it was a homebound christmas oh yeah there's no except the only uh the only outing was to go uh to the music hall of fame again uh-huh we were was shania twain's outfit still there it was still there and uh and they had a bunch of katie lang's outfits oh oh i love katie

yeah and she had you know she wore some nudie suits in her day and had some funky costumes. This is in Calgary downtown. They've got this big, like, music center, and they've got a music hall of fame. Is that near the Glenbow? It's not far from the Glenbow. I wouldn't walk in this weather, I tell you that. Near the Calgary Tower? Tower.

Come on. It's not, yeah. Ryan's doing material. Yeah, I love it. But it never was, even when I was a kid, like even when, it was never the tallest.

It must have been the tallest for like a year or something. If people don't know what you're talking about, the Calgary Tower is like a miniature version of the CN Tower. Yeah.

Does it have a revolving restaurant? It does. You better believe it. Have you been? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's also got a thing you put quarters in, look through those binoculars.

I feel like it was maybe the kind of thing that was like, this is the tallest building in Western Canada. Yeah, but it wasn't even the tallest building in Calgary for that.

Like, I think in the 70s it was. And then just like, and not a building across town, next door. in Calgary for that. Like, I think in the 70s it was. And then just like, and not a building across town, next door. Like, way taller. So like, in effect, if you were in the revolving restaurant,

half of your view would be into that building. Obscured. It's better to make a reservation after the office building across the street is closed it's a better ambiance um you looking for when it was built? well I just googled Calgary Tower

and it has I guess there's a google like question and answer thing and the people just will some people are just offering answers they don't know. Well, I'll take a stab at this. So the question, what's the origin of Calgary Tower? The top answer is, really?

The next question, is Calgary Tower open today? And the first answer, not sure. I mean, nobody else seems to be answering this. Yeah, you can't leave them hanging. But then people go like,

upvote. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. Used to be the Husky Tower. Oh. I see.

I see. And then, but yeah. I'm sure that's it. I see. And then, but yeah. I'm sure that's it. It was conceived to celebrate towers. Canada's centennial

of 1967. Yeah. It's weird. Like, I guess if you're going to have a skyline, you need some kind of weirdo building.

I've never seen this before on the description of a building. It's 190 meters, 626 feet, and it weighs 10,800 tons. Oh, it could lose weight. It could lose a pound or two. I don't know. It's skinny.

Weighing in at 10,000 tons. Tower fights. And that's what I do do In the holodeck I'd watch Famous buildings Famous towers fight Fall into each other Yeah

Yeah Very short fight But yeah So it was all It was every indoor Activity that you can Conceive of Giant crossword

Giant crossword? Or jigsaw? No giant crossword There's like one That comes jigsaw? No, giant crossword. There's like one that comes out in the paper on Boxing David. It's like two pages. I thought you were

talking about going to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Oh, no. There's a giant crossword everyone can work on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you know,

the piano and big? It's like that. Yeah, you get a giant pencil. Yeah. Throw me a J. Yeah, you get a giant pencil. Yeah. Throw me a J. Yeah, so it ran the gamut. Ran the gamut of indoor.

Puzzles, puzzles. Puzzles. Just about every movie that was... Did you get up any classic board games with the family? We got up to a game that's like a newfangled version of an old favorite. And this is like it's like a new fangled version of a of an old favorite and this is like it's a online it's through like you you don't know jack you remember that yeah yes so it's that company and it's like a drawing game like kind of like pictionary yeah you draw everybody gets their own prompt and then you draw it on your phone and then the picture appears and everybody guesses what it is on their phone.

And then one of the answers is right, and everybody else's answers are presented as possible answers. Ah. It was so much fun. That sounds awesome. Yeah. What an ingenious game. Yeah.

Games are blowing up. Yeah, yeah. It was really like, you know, it's, yeah, we did that. What was that called? Drawful. Drawful. Drawful.. What was that called? Drawful. Drawful. Drawful. Drawful.

Drawful. Drawful. Foodora. Foodora. Powerfights. But yeah, so that's basically, I went from, it was balmy, balmy Vancouver into freezing tundra, Calgary. I like being stuck inside. That's my favorite.

I mean, it's fun for a couple days, and then you do want to just breathe outdoor air. You just want to breathe the air of the outside. Yeah. One thing I love going to my in-laws at Christmas is. It's in Switzerland. Yeah. But being stuck indoors, I mean, we're not stuck, but on their British cable system, there's always a either Indiana Jones or James Bond marathon. Fantastic.

Oh, nice. You don't have to pay any attention to it, but it's there. It's there for you to just walk around the house and have it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I also watched all those sports bloopers of the year, you know, countdown.

Oh, yeah. And then my favorite thing of any given year, news bloopers. Yes. I was saving them for when I have a private moment. Yeah. No, they're best enjoyed like when you can give them your undivided. Yeah. And, yeah. No, they're best enjoyed like when you can give them your undivided jacket.

Yeah. And belly laughs. Oh, so good. They're the best. Yeah. What was your top news blooper this year? Yeah, do you have a good one?

Oh, what? Without spoiling? Well, but you know what happened is we watched. Don't spoil it. Talk around it. Spoil one of the bloopers. My favorite type of blooper

is the person who's somewhere in the background, realizes they're on camera, and then tries to do a sneaky walk. Yeah. Or they just, like, they run away as if that's going to help. Like, the quicker they get out, the better. Yeah. So I like anything like that. I'm not big on the person accidentally saying penis or calling the meteorologist

dad or whatever. Well, dad. Do you just call me dad? It's Dan. Yeah. Anyways, I love you,

dad. I mean, I love you, Dan. I mean, thank you, Dan. Uh,

yeah. So, so no sledging, no, uh, you know, no fondue. Yeah. It's the indoor holiday excitement. Yeah. Uh Yeah So no sledging No You know No fondue Yeah It's the indoor

Holiday excitement Yeah Yeah And the Music Hall of Fame I did nothing this This holiday season Ooh I was

I hid from the world Um I was I had I saw my parents Yeah You saw three ghosts I saw three ghosts

And I said Fuck off To all of them Then I woke up There's a little boy. Hey, boy, what day is it? He was shirtless, and he took off with a rocket in his boots. It's rocket day.

No, I had to stay in town, not to get too heavy, but my mom had surgery. She's fine. Good. Recovering, but I stayed in town to be around her. I was going to go out east with my lady friend partner. Yeah. But I didn't. No.

So then it was kind of a change of plans, and in the end I had this very quiet, small, tiny holiday season. So nice. I liked it. I mean, I hate to say, like, yeah, it was a blessing in disguise, my mom having this. Tragic Like Could have died

Surgery But she's okay She's fine She's fine Everything's fine She's on the mend She's a tough Tough old broad

Yeah and you know what Women love being called Old tough old broad My mom does And look Scars are cool Yeah yeah yeah That's true

Oh boy does she She got one. She had open heart surgery. Really? Oh, age surge. Crazy. Yeah. I can't even bring that concept to fruition in my mind.

No. What all the things describe me. That's probably true. And my mom was an ER nurse. Yeah. So she was like in vivid detail like, this is what they're going to do to me, Ryan. See, he's a tough old bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Come here, pansy. Yeah, crack open my ribs. Nugging me a bit. See, he's a tough old bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come here, pansy. Yeah, crack open my ribs. Nugging me a bit. Yeah. Push me up against the fridge. So you went to theater school, did you? Well, let me tell you these doctors' method. All right?

Should we? Well, coming up. Oh, tell me more. There's a Jumbotron message you're not gonna want to miss no yeah that's true very excited after a little bit of business no it is the business coming out right now we're gonna give you the business don't get carried away you gotta do the things you don't want to do to get through the day you gotta shine your shoes you gotta sweep the floor you gotta clean your house you gotta do Now, one second ago, we teased this, and we're here with it.

Here it is. It's a Jumbotron message. This is a message for Lindsay from Arthur. Now, it says to begin with Dave's rendition of the intro to Ginuwine's Pony. Yeah. I'm just a bachelor. That's how this starts. I'm just a bachelor. That's how this starts. Yeah.

I'm just a bachelor looking for a partner. And after driving to Vancouver before Banff to see Graham's live show, where you won a copy of Showgirls in French that we keep as a memento, I know it was you. Dave, finish this off. Flexitron, don't murder me. Lindsay, will you marry me? Wow.

My saddle's waiting. Off I go. And now we just sit back and wait. Now we wait. Yeah. Let's bait our breath. And now we just sit back and wait. Now we wait.

Yeah. Wow. Let's bait our breath. Now I see baiting breath like bear baiting, where I will challenge my breath to a fight in front of the onlookers for money. Oh, I see. Yeah, bear baiting. I'm thinking of it in a purely fishing context, where I bait my breath with a worm. I'm thinking of a third way. Where you pleasure yourself

using your breath. This is a sacred moment this couple is having. Yeah, well. I'm a divorcee. That's true. You're a divorcee. No, but I appreciate

this is very romantic. I still believe in romance. Yeah. I believe in a thing called love. Yeah's true. You're the worst thing. No, but I appreciate this is very romantic. I have not, I still believe in romance. Yeah. I believe in a thing called love. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm married and it's great. Congratulations. I think it's a great institution. All should enjoy it, right?

Yes. Yes. Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely. Even bears. Now. That was huge,

guys. Huge. That's so amazing amazing but you know what else is what else is huge guys i got a bit of an accent you do you do you do you do what else is huge is squarespace what squarespace is it's a website making machine Oh yeah That's already in your computer So I need a website, I don't need to go to some fancy computer No I can use my own computer You can use your own computer and you can go to squarespace.com And you make a website, it'll let you showcase your work

It'll let you sell products and services of all kinds legally Can I announce an upcoming event? Yeah, you can do that. And more. Alright. And they've got templates that you can use. We used Squarespace when we created our website for our debut album. That's right. Which is still up.

Yeah, you can still go to it. You know what? The thing about a Squarespace website is it doesn't get just taken down when you lose interest that would be nice if websites just well I'm done with this oh yeah

I still have that website it has powerful e-commerce functionality that lets you sell anything online and it's there's a new way to buy domains.

You can choose from over 200 extensions. Yeah. Dot Corey. Dot Jeff. Yeah. Dot squirt. These are all absolutely legitimate dots. And it has 24 seven award-winning customer support.

So you should head to squarespace.com for free trial. And it has 24-7 award-winning customer support. So you should head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code SPY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's offer code SPY for 10% off Squarespace. It's been a long time coming, but John Roderick finally has a podcast on the MaximumFun.org network. The long wait is over.

MaxFun friends, I teamed up with these two unlikely nerds and their dumb Star Trek podcast. And we talk about war movies, not just in a laudatory and salivating way, but we apply critical thinking principles to the multiple, multiple subtexts that are woven in every war movie. And Sylvester Stallone specifically.

It is not that. It is not that at all. So go grab Friendly Fire every Friday on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Overheard. Overheard. It's a segment in which we hear things out there in the world and we share them here on LaPodcast. Nice.

Ryan, we always like to start with the guest. Oh, really? Yeah, you bet. I forgot. I forgot. I forgot. Okay. Well, we'll start with the guest. Oh, really? Yeah, you bet. I forgot. I forgot. I forgot. Okay, well, we'll start with...

Can you guys go and then pretend that you started with me and edit it in later? No, we'll come back around to you. Okay, good, good. Surely you will.

I'll just copy one of your guys. Mine is... Well, I guess there were a few overheards, but I really want to get this one out there as soon as possible.

It's not technically an overheard, but I feel like it's going to catch on and I want to be on the right side of it. While we were stuck in London at our hotel, we had TV and I woke up at four in the morning and turned it on and there was this infomercial for something called Squat Magic. And do you remember the uh

the shake weight that everyone said was a super sexual workout yeah yeah absolutely well uh squat i never saw it myself but you know oh you just did squat magic is uh suppose there's like a giant penis Go on. Wait. That you're squatting up and down on. Oh, okay. That's what this is. So the infomercial is women.

I mean, it has a little seat on it. You're not right on a tip of something. But in a way, in a manner of speaking, you very much are. Yeah. Yeah. And a penis has a little thing at the end, too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll have you know. Wait. So it's called Squat Magic. Squat Magic. And it's just a bunch of people, women, squatting up and down on a giant penis. And I really want this thing when people are like,

hey, I heard about this crazy thing and here's where I heard it from. Send them a link to an hour and 15 minutes into this episode. Yeah. You are miles ahead

on the squat magic. Sit on it and rotate. Was there a rotation? Because then... No, it's really just up and down. Working the quads, I guess. Yeah, the quads, the butt, the vagina.

Now I can't think of an overhurt. I was trying to do the thing where I pretend to listen and think, but now I can't. Okay, well, you still have time. I'll try with you, Graham. My overheard was right at the crest of holiday mania. Everybody was losing their minds. With cabin fever.

Yeah. The fieve. Were your brothers there as well? They made appearances, special guest appearances. But they weren't stuck with you. No, they went to their own houses. Oh, okay. And with their dogs and their wives.

Uh-huh. Their many wives and many dogs. There was a lady who was frantic. They think this is New Year's or Christmas Eve. And she's screaming into her phone. You know, like where she's holding the phone far away and screaming. I'm like, if you held it closer, you wouldn't have to scream, lady. Where was this?

In Calgary? No, this was in Vancouver. Oh, okay. And she was screaming at whoever. Poor soul was on the other end. And she said, you tell me how I'm supposed to get a jungle gym on the other end and she said you tell me how I'm supposed to get a jungle gym

on the god damn train. Yeah. Yeah. We've all been there. That's a good one. Yeah. Flat pack. Jungle gym.

Promise me a ride. Yeah. Cats in the cradle. You're my one friend with a truck. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And this was supposed to we were going to make a whole day of it. We were going to go have nog lattes. Nogtays. Gross. Yeah, so gross. But, oh, remember last week when I was so mad at Party City for sending me the wrong Elsa doll?

Yeah. I wrote them a very strongly word. Nice. Email. To whomever it may concern. Yeah. And they, I said, I cannot get the right one in time

you've really shit the bed etc and they wrote back and they gave me a full refund and they said keep it

keep the fake I thought they were going to say let it go oh yeah yeah no it wasn't that Elsa it was

my daughter wanted a doll of Elsa from B-Way the character yeah are there other Elsas in fiction My daughter wanted a doll of Elsa from B-Way. Is that a character? Yeah. Are there other Elsas in fiction?

Wacky Aunt Elsa. I'm sure there are, but, you know, that's not my time or place to say. Not my forte. Sure. Ryan. I got one. Yeah. I got one.

This is from a few years ago, so I'm just going to. It's actually the only thing that popped into my head. I was trying to think of things I have heard. A category. And this was in either the Calgary or the Edmonton airport. I was traveling. Was there a dinosaur? Because that was the Calgary airport.

I mean, in my head, it's right near the, you know, that big mural with the toy soldiers and cowboys. That's Calgary. Yeah, that's Calgary. But I don't know if I'm just, you know, your memory is such a fickle. Oh, boy. Fickle, whimsical sort of. Well, the guy who won the Nobel Prize last year was the guy who timed your memory or whatever. He clocked your memory or something. But there was, you know, when we're sitting around waiting for our flight,

been through security, waiting at the gate, and sometimes they call passengers to talk to them, and this lady called three names. They were all standard names, normal names, nothing you ever heard. Like, maybe, you know, I'm not talking Smith, Johnson, you know, whatever. It's just, like, names that, like, they're fine.

They're normal. They're standard names. Right. Standard names. Standard names. Nothing crazy, nothing not crazy, you know. Check your privilege. they're fine they're normal they're standard names right standard names standard names nothing crazy nothing not crazy you know

check your privilege no no no I realize now I'm sounding racist I mean just just good old stock Canadian names the names were pronounced

seemingly correct even if I had never heard them before so this is what I'm getting at it's like because the person one of the person who,

one of the persons who was beside me and got up and was mad about something, and I don't think it could have been the pronunciation of his name because they all sounded fine. And so as he's getting up, he like goes, like that, and he goes, she better be French. And I spent the rest of the flight thinking about like, so why? Like, was he French?

And he was hoping to, you know, talk to someone. Have an in with something. Was it about the pronunciation of his name? Right. Was he just throwing that out there? Like, oh boy. I have a real fetish For French flight attendants. Or gate agents.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. But he said it real like he wanted to get a reaction, and everyone was just super confused. She is. All right. Maybe. All right, let's leave. Revolution.

Let them eat airline peanuts. Let them eat airline cake. Let them eat airline cake. How can we get an order of a piece of cake on an airplane? Why that? You can't in first class. I was upgraded once. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

On our flight yesterday, they brought everyone ice cream. Whoa. In economy. What? That's real nice. Just a little cup of it. Still. Not a dish. But enough to really. It's real. That's real nice. Just a little cup of it. Still. Not a dish.

But enough to really. It's the only thing I ate. It really is. I had a baby on my lap. I'm not going to get a lasagna. Ever smash it away. A piping hot lasagna. Now, we also have overheard sent in from people All over the world

You bet And you know Some single people Some people who might be engaged Yeah fat kids Skinny kids Kids who climb on rocks Yeah

Even kids with Chicken pox That's right If you want to send one in Send it in to SBY At MaximumFun.org Was that the glass in your That was the giant ice cube you provided me.

Okay. Smashing into your nose? Yeah. Yeah. Your glass nose. Yeah. This first one comes from Tomer. S.

Tomer. Spell it. T-O-M-E-R. And then it's written pronounced Tomer. Youll it. T-O-M-E-R. And then it's written pronounced Tomer. You better be French. Walking down the street in New York City, I hear the group behind me arguing about something. I start listening and I hear, okay, fine. Let's just go to the dick mural and then go home.

It's why we left the house in the first place. Let's go get our picture next to the dick mural. Also known as the Calgary Tower. Put a revolving restaurant on the end.

Have some ladies squat on it. Do you think that it's a real dick mural or a mural that just looks like a bunch of dicks? Painted by a dick, I think. Oh, painted by a dick. That's who we ask. Or it could have been like an artist with like

D-Y-C, you know, like the dick mural. Oh, sure. The artist's name was Dick. Right, yeah. Dick Van Dyke's mural that he painted in New York. Isn't there an artist named Van Dick? I know there's a Picasso. Robert Dick?

I know there's a Picasso. You know Robert Dick? I know there's a Pricasa. You know that because you paint with your beard and he paints with his penis. Yeah. So we run in

the same circles. Pricasa. This next one comes from Zach in Brooklyn. He says, I'm walking here.

I was just walking here. Pretty good, Zach. Zach here pretty good we forgot to say Brooklyn and I heard this on the train yeah the baby's really cute

he looks like Mark though his name is Lestat Lestat like in Queen of the Damned oh these new fangled baby names so but listad is from interview with a vampire and also queen of the queen of the damned is the alia movie yeah yeah and they borrowed listad i guess i guess it

was uh written by uh and rice really yeah yeah and uh queen of the Night was written by Whitney Houston. Yeah. And Queen was a band fronted by Freddie Mercury. And Night Moves. Was Bob Seger. Bob Seger. Silver Bullet Band. Yeah.

And Bob Saget. Bob Saget. Who used to host America's Funniest Home Videos. Who's currently hosted by. Alfonso Ribeiro. Who replaced. Tom Bergeron. Who we got there.

Cousins with Kevin Bacon. Yeah, that's weird that Alfonso Ribeiro is now the host. This whole generation that's growing up with him as the host of America's Funniest Home Videos. It's really his niche, though. It's perfect for him. Yeah. It really, yeah. It's perfect for him. Yeah. It really, yeah. It's perfect for him.

Who, okay, it was hosted by Saget. Yeah. Yeah. From Street Fighter 2. Yeah. And then it was hosted by Bob Saget. Yeah. And then, who, was there anyone between then?

Between? No, it's entirely possible. Yeah. There might have been. Oh, yeah. I feel like there was another. Was it like Daisy Fuentes? Was she hosting America's Funniest

People? I don't know. I know... Well, that was Dave Coulier, of course. Yeah, and Tawny Katane. And the Jackalope. The question is, is America... Jack Ching, by the way. Is America ready for a woman America the way. Yeah. Is America

ready for a woman America's Funniest Home Videos host? I think they are. Yeah, they certainly weren't ready for a female president. No, but you know you have to do these things. Yeah, it's steps. It's steps. But yeah.

Okay. Bob Saget. Yeah. And then it was hosted by John Fuglesang and Daisy Fuentes. Okay. For two years. There was a year it wasn't on the air. Horrible black year.

Awful year. And they were shouting, lock her up. And everyone was mad at Daisy Fuentes' emails. And then Bergeron, then Ribeiro. And who's next? Some kid out there listening. Could be you. Yeah, it could be you, kid.

Isn't that what, didn't American Funniest People had a sign-off like that? No funny, no money? Because, like, you know what? You could be on this show, kid. Oh. Something kind of inspiring about it.

Like, maybe you are funny. Oh, but wait, what, what? be on this show, kid. Oh. Something kind of inspiring about it. Like, maybe you are funny. Oh, but wait, what, what? It was something like that. Bob Saget's was something. Keep those cameras rolling. Safely rolling. Yeah. Don't, yeah, don't come for me, America.

Don't take back the money. Yeah, this is a great gig. Also. It was in his house, too. Like, the set was like like You're just at his house Yeah He would come in the front door And at the end

He would also be like Oh and honey I'm on my way home Oh yeah Which is weird Because it was Supposed to be in his house Was there someone

Peering through the window Maybe during the Intro Jerking off Yeah the Olsen twist But they're the red white and blue Yeah The funny things they do

America Now what was America's Funniest People But they're the red, white, and blue. Yeah. The funny things they do. America. Now, what was America's Funniest People? And that was sort of like TV bloopers and practical jokes. But what was I going to say about Saget what's left to be said Tiger Apricot you know his stand up is actually

quite filthy oh yes I've heard this yeah well let's go see him this last overheard comes to us

from Madeline from Miami I'm walking here yeah I'm also walking in Miami. I'm walking here. Yeah, I'm also walking in Miami. I'm on vacation here. I'm retired here. I just got home from a family gathering where my cousin's friend was

following me around all night performing vape tricks. See, that's what I meant. Like, if there's videos of vape tricks, why are there no choreographed? I can't believe there's none of that. I can't believe there's none of that. Like, if there's videos of vape tricks, why are there no choreographed? I can't believe there's none of that. I can't believe there's none of that. But it's not as popular as vape tricks.

No, no. Vape tricks is. Well, you can do a lot more with a vape. Yeah, it's true. You can do a heart, do the arrow through it. And if you hit your cheek, you can do different shapes. Anyway, I'm off track here. I sat down at the dinner table to eat, and when he followed and sat down next to me, I heard one of my aunts mutter at him, no vaping at the table.

And that's a thoroughly modern thing to say to somebody. And you know what? Lord, vape us, everyone. It's just like no vaping anywhere. Because if you ever wondered what it would be like to be enveloped in someone's breath, like stand next to someone vaping on the sidewalk, it's like a sleeping bag in their breath. Yeah, being very conscious of it. How much smoke do you need to produce?

I don't know, but I think if I vaped, I would be into the tricks. Yeah. I think I would get into the tricks. But are there kids who have skipped smoking and gone right to vaping? Yes, for sure. I bet you those Paul brothers are into it in a big way. Absolutely.

But they're so sorry. Yeah, they're so sorry. They've got to take some time away. Vape in solitude. It's a dead body, I reckon. He's Australian, right? Yeah. What I was going to that Australian kid was the best

in the first unflappable like the reporter was trying to like back him into a corner so many times he was just like

he couldn't he couldn't do it with that kid don't regret it yeah don't regret it no he was the best but then he went on

to do like he became like he saw his videos he got hired to do after that no he became a bit of an inner celebrity obviously but he like with his like sunglasses on and videos he got hired to do after that no he became a bit of an inner celebrity

obviously but he like with his like sunglasses on and stuff like that I can't remember he like sold sunglasses

or someone someone tapped into it and made it so like you would never want to see him again it was a party that it was a dancing

Homer situation the party was such a it was such a big destructive party it made the news it made the news and then in Australia where everything's a destructive party.

And then it was such a hilarious interview. He became world famous. And that's why we all know his name today, Russell Crowe. Young Russell Crowe. He went on to start 30-odd Foot of Grunt, which he later changed the name to The Ordinary Fear of God. Same initials, though, so you can keep the merch. Yeah, the Tofog merch.

What I was going to say about America's Funniest Home Videos is in the beginning, the prize was $10,000. And now, 30 years later, the prize is $10,000. Do you still get third place, second place? Do you still get five? The voting must be easier.

They probably let people vote from home now, right? I haven't watched it. Is this true? I think they still vote in studio. All in studio? Everybody get your You think with the technology now,

you have those giant game boards. Everyone pick up the bottom of your seat. And while people are voting, it's my favorite part of the show. They show some of the earlier videos, but in slow motion. As my dad always used to say, that show would be unwatchable if Bob Saget wasn't doing his high-pitched voice.

Let's go see him live. I don't know, what's this train going to do over here? Oh, God, it hit my foot. That's pretty good. I'll never ever celebrate Christmas again. Oh, they got sad at the end.

And then somebody's like, oh, I don't know what I'm going to do over here. Oh, the train hit my foot. In addition to overheards that are

written in, we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us. Guys, we've been over this. Do it. It's super easy, and you're being a bitch. Yeah. I don't like to use that kind of talk.

Yeah. Sometimes it's warranted. Sometimes it's called for, yeah. And so don't be that. And call us at 1-844-779-7631. That is one. Ugh. SpyPod 1.

Like these people have. Hello, Dave Graham and probable guests. This is Kathleen in New Hampshire with an overheard. So it's the Friday before Christmas, and it's snowing like crazy here, but everyone's out and about trying to finish their shopping. And I was in TJ Maxx. That's a discount store down here. And I overheard a manager on the phone saying if you could come in, I know it's not your shift

but we only have two days to pull down some huge sales. And at this point she spotted me standing there and she said I make all these people so happy. That's one of my favorite things ever.

We're going to work. We're going to make this lady happy. That's one of my favorite things ever. Go to work. Make this lady happy. That's the definition of capitalist. I'm going to make all these people happy. So you got to come in. Yeah. Yeah. Perform a Christmas miracle.

Even though I promised you two days before Christmas you wouldn't have to work. That's like Princess Skinner going like, We all know these children have a future. Prove me wrong, kids. Prove me wrong. That's how that employee saved Christmas. Yeah. And someone got a great deal on some...

What did they sell? TJ Maxx? Like winners. Oh, okay. Some clothing, maybe. Overstock. Yeah. Yeah. Here, okay. So clothing, maybe. Overstock. Yeah. Yeah. Here's your next phone call, baby.

Hi, Dave and Graham and someone. This is Jake in Denver. I'm driving home from work. Jake Paul? And I saw the car in front of me. The guy was smoking, and then when he was done, he flicked his cigarette and hit the car to the left right behind him. And then, so she honks at him, then he gives her the finger. and hit the car to the left right behind him.

And then, so she honks at him, then he gives her the finger. So I'm thinking, oh, this might be fun. So I'm following them, and then the guy turns, and I'm still following behind the girl. And then she cuts the guy off, and the guy slams on his brakes, and then she gives that guy the finger.

And so now I don't know who the bad guy is in any of these stories. And I thought it was just a beautiful insight. You never know what's going on. Never pass judgment at first, I guess. Am I supposed to give a moral with this? I don't know. I like this show. I love it.

People probably say, anyway, bye. Wow. I think that not often enough are we given the moral what they heard. And the bad guy was clearly the guy who flicked his cigarette. Like, you can give that guy the finger all day long, and you're still the good guy. Yeah, and like, the fact that he doubled down right away when she, like, hon instead of being like whoops sorry i shouldn't do that yeah that's why i have an ashtray built into my car yeah well are they still built in the cars i don't know oh no yeah i think they still are but it's the well there's lots of places you could just put you could you could the lighters aren't built in anymore yeah no exactly yeah but it's Yeah, but it's, yeah, exactly. He's the bad guy.

I don't know. When I see somebody flick a cigarette out of the window, I'm like, what? Especially up in this area of the world, you can start a forest fire and have. Yeah. And people have. But, like, it's no different than, like, throwing a can out of your window. No, except that can is on fire. Yeah, it's littering still.

It's littering, like, garbage on fire. It's a very olding still. It's littering like garbage on fire. It's a very old world. Do you still smoke? I do, yeah. Do you really? From time to time, I dabble. I dabble. And you dab.

I dab, and I dab. He's dabbing right now. I quit for a while, though. Graham was a big impetus with that. And then what was the impetus to start again, Ryan? Addiction. But I wouldn't say I'm a serious smoker. No.

And if my mom's listening, stop listening to this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And focus on recovery. Exactly. We're going to get down to the real smokers. And also, if my mom's listening, good for you for showing a little interest. Yeah, I'll take it. We love you, Mrs. McNeil.

I love her. I love her. It's helpful abroad. Here's your final overhe we love you Mrs. McNeil I love her I love her it's helpful abroad here's your final overheard you guys hey Dave Graham and probable guest this is Kanshin

in Austin Texas calling in with an overheard courtesy of my wife who is a elementary school counselor she was in the

classroom the other day with some second graders and they were debating the second graders about whether babies come out of their mother's butts or their mother's penis, when one of them kind of knowingly said, it's not their butts, but it's close. Oh, that's awesome.

Let me tell you guys, I got some insider info, you know what I mean? I came out of one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's my first memory. I remember having, I mean, I knew women didn't have penises, but I remember it was like a butt or vagina situation, and I was firmly in the butt camp. A baby's coming out of?

Yeah. Yeah. Well, like, you know, that's where things come out of me that are solid. That was, I was reasoning. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I was, before I came to any conclusion,

I was told. I wonder if I had. The penis went in that vagina and the baby's coming out of that vagina. Yeah, I think, like, I never, I don't think that I showed

any curiosity in that department. I think, like, if it was storks or if the babies just showed up. Fine by me. Yeah. They show up in some sort of basket down in the river. If it was storks or jorts, I don't know. Storks. Jorts, John Stossel.

Now, Ryan, it's time for our paper segment on the show that we forgot to do earlier oh yeah now here's a thing that's happening you know what well let's ask you a question about it right now okay oh i've got serious problems i hope you can help me resolve them the questions got me wobbling Tell me what is a goblin. That is Luke S. Send that in. Send your what is a goblin submissions to SPY at MaximumFun.org. But actually don't. We don't want to do this segment very much longer.

Ryan, what is a goblin? We all know what a ghost is. Okay. So, okay. I'm going to get right into this. I'm just going to use my expertise because I do Dungeon Master Dungeons and Dragons. Oh, so this is heavy duty. Okay, well, not heavy duty.

I'm just going to use what I know. Sure, sure. Okay, what I know. So what I would describe a goblin as. A goblin? A goblin. We're talking goblins, right? Yeah.

I got 99 goblins. But an orc ain't one. Hit me. No, well, it's a monstrous humanoid between five feet and five three. Or maybe a bit shorter. I don't know. But they're ugly faced.

Do you remember in Lord of the Rings? No. Okay. What about Lord of the Rings and Two Towers? No. Okay. Anyways. I saw them.

So they kidnap the hobbits, and then the one's like, I want to eat some meat. You might recognize this from the accent. Oh, yeah, from the island. And they go, oh, they made a mate. You know, they want to eat the hobbits. Those ugly guys who aren't as strong as the big guys with the white hands on their face? Uh-huh.

Goblin. Ah. Okay, and they're like trees? Yeah. Yeah. Goblin is a monstrous humanoid that's ugly and wants to hurt my player characters. But a short guy. Yeah, not that big.

Yeah, not that tall. Medium height. Yeah. Short Goblin's got no reason. No one likes us. I don't know why. That was pretty good. Pretty good explanation.

Do we think Randy Newman's a goblin? No. Yes. And I got to say, I probably did such a bad description of what a D&D goblin is, you're probably going to get letters. Oh, boy. We'll forward them to you. Yeah, forward them to me.

I would love some human contact. Or goblin contact. Ryan, this is the end of the episode. What would you like to plug? Okay, well, I'll go through the gamut. Sunday service every Sunday. That's in Vancouver. This is going to be a lot of Vancouver-based things.

Sure. I have a recurring character in iZombie. Watch that show. And then I also do Unreal. Yeah. I play the editor on that. What's Unreal? Unreal is another American show.

What's iZombie? iZombie is a show about a zombie. And when she eats brains of people, she gets their essence. Based on a comic book. And she's Australian? She is from New Zealand, but she speaks with an American accent, which is quite cool to watch someone who can do that well. I know, do it, yeah.

Like switch between accents seamlessly. It's like, you're quite good. I reckon I can't- Oh, there's one in the room. I reckon it's not as hard after all, isn't it? Go to littlemountagallery.ca if you're ever in Vancouver

go to littlemountaingallery there's always something cool happening littlemountaingallery is a place that I pay

the rent on and sometimes perform at and also I'm doing a play called Jitters at the Arts Club in the next month

this is all Vancouver stuff if you're in Vancouver come see me I'm fucking everywhere yeah you're

everywhere you're doing it. Thank you for being a guest. Thank you for having me. I love it here. We love you here. We'd love to have you here every week. Cool.

I will be back. Do you guys do it once a week? Yeah, once a week. Shit. I know. We're like the Sunday service. Yeah, we call ourselves the Monday service. You guys did

We should do a crossover episode Oh Where you guys Do the Sunday Service One week Yeah Just you guys Uh huh

And we do your show Okay Sounds great Yeah I can tell by your tone It's not gonna happen We only have the three microphones It's kind of a

Well yeah But Aaron and Kevin Wouldn't come I wouldn't come. I wouldn't invite them. And you listeners out there, if you want to interact, you want more, we got it. We got a Twitter account. At Stop Podcasting.

You could go on Reddit. There's a Maximum Fun whole thread there. You can check that out. You could go to Facebook. We're on Facebook. Oh. We're on Vine. We're the only Vine account that was allowed to stay around.

Yeah. We'll be on Vine, too, when they make that thing happen. Yeah, you guys are on the Black Mirror. You're on a Black Mirror episode. Yeah, we're in several episodes of Black Mirror in this new season. The least unsettling episodes. And, you know, if you like the show, why not tell some friends

and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Bye, I love you. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.