Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 514 - Nicole Passmore

Episode Date: January 22, 2018

Improviser Nicole Passmore returns to talk twin bands, joint stiffness, and monster movies.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 514 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who during World War II, he had his own farm so he didn't need to use his ration booklet and he saved them all in perfect condition, Mr. Dave Shumka.

That's hilarious. A personal story our guest was telling us off air. And then I just repeated it. Yeah, but it wasn't, I mean, it's like a cool thing. Yeah, it was an interesting story. But how does it apply to me? It doesn't really, but I thought I'd ping it off of you and then bring in the guest. Is this a thing now where you just say a thing about me and you have me wonder why you said it?

Maybe sometimes, but not all the time. Next week, it'll be a whole different ball of wax. Speaking of balls of wax, our guest today. Oh, my God. Oh, these two have a real brother sister kind of vibe about them she's a comedian she is a

teacher she is a podcaster no yeah podcast guest Nicole Passmore hello I didn't know you'd get demoted from podcaster okay Dave wow Paul Passmore. Hello. Hi. I didn't know you'd get demoted from podcasting. Okay, Dave.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Really starting this off on a solid footing. That was self-effacing because I'm a podcaster and it's about as low as it gets. Yeah, what's lower than on the entertainment chart? Oh, I know. Professional improviser. Oh, okay.

I was going to say. I'm kidding. What about blogger? Is blogger higher or lower? I mean. Lower? It's different. It feels like writing

and performing. What about YouTube star? YouTube star is way higher. What about just not star, but just YouTube? The guy who's like clearly trying to be a YouTube star

has 1,200 views. Oh. Yeah, that's sad. That's the only thing preventing me from trying to be a YouTube star is knowing I would. The numbers are right there. Yeah. Yeah. It's, oh man. If only there was a way to hide those numbers.

There's got to be a way to artificially inflate them, right? Like, same with Twitter followers? Like bots, yeah, or Instagram, yeah. Yeah, just have a, you know, a click farm and rush up, read, read, read your page. I wanted to spend a year after university on a click farm. Is that a thing? Click farm? I don't know, but I like the, it sounds good.

No, I think you're using the right words. I just don't think you understand what they mean. Oh. Should we get to know us? Sure. Get to know us. You know, my grandfather worked on a click farm, and so he didn't have to use any of his rations during World War II.

Oh, my God. What? One tiny story. Rocketed around the world. Nicole? Mm-hmm? When were you last here? I don't know.

A year. A year, I think. Yeah. And what a year it's been. What a year it's been, sure. What are your Tom Petty memories? Yeah. We haven't had a chance

to talk to you since the passing of Tom Petty. That was, yeah, that rocked my world. What are my Tom Petty memories?

I tried to watch that like eight hour British documentary. It's very long. It is not. Oh, British? Yeah,

the British documentary about him. The one I watched was four. Yeah. And that, I feel, was long enough. Although it didn't really go into anything except just the good times. It was very little backstory. Yeah.

Wait, then that's not the same one I watched because this was like from a child to like his entire life. I think it really was. This was as well. Yeah. I think there were bad times in this, but who wants to dwell? No, no. Yeah, exactly. This house got burnt down.

Yeah. But I want to listen to Free Fallen. Yeah. What was the first time you wore a top hat? And then he tells that story. So, yeah. What's been going on? A whole year. A whole year. A lot of things, yeah, what's been going on? A whole year.

A whole year. A lot of things have happened. What has been going on? Still living in Toronto. Yeah, still doing comedy. Why would I stop, right? Do you ever ask yourself that question? What a fulfilling, not at all scary life.

What's scary about it? Yeah, what are you scared of? Oh, I don't know. Just like eventually being. What scares Nicole? No. Well, snakes. We know that already. Yeah, yeah are you scared of? Oh, I don't know Just like eventually being What scares Nicole? No, well snakes We know that already Yeah, yeah, yeah

You're afraid of snakes Don't fucking shake the cord I won't I saw you literally look straight at the cord I have to look somewhere, Nicole Don't look at the thing There's a cord going from me to you That one time Dave shook

And I cried a little Yeah Because it looked so much like a snake So you're afraid of snakes going from me to you. That one time Dave shook and I cried a little. Yeah. Because it looked so much like a snake. So you're afraid of snakes, but that has very little to do with comedy. There's not a lot of snake handling acts. There used to be. I don't know.

I don't know. You ever been on a show with men? There's a lot of snake handling there. Time's up. You heard it here last time. I agree. If there's any professional comedy masturbators,

get off stage. Yeah, please. No, I think what's scary is to be a comedian when you're like, well, what's my life going to be like when I'm 50, 60? But isn't that just in general like yeah probably but i'm not a quote-unquote normal person with a quote-unquote normal life so i don't know

civilian if you will yeah a muggle um i decided i'm sure everybody stresses about what their life's gonna be like at 50 or 60. Not, not Jimmy Fallon. He's definitely, he's got that job locked up for the next, you know. Yeah. How old is he? Not 50 yet? He, I think he's 40.

No. Yeah. I'm guessing Jimmy Fallon's age. Oh boy. 46. That's what I would guess. Yeah. Yeah. 46.

But he doesn't have to. I was literally thinking he's probably six years older than me. But like he doesn't ever have to worry, right? Is he 45? You want to look it up? Okay. My guess is I'm going to go one more and I'm going to say 47. 47, okay.

Okay. So I'm 45. Well, I'm not 45. But that's your guess. Uh-huh. What a fun thing for the listeners. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why do we do this all the time?

We always guess Jimmy Fallon's age. I'm just Googling. Oh, we're looking up his age? I was just looking for funny videos. Yeah, well, if you type in Jimmy Fallon, that's what comes up automatically. Ooh, Jimmy Fallon is doing that classic TV show as another classic TV show. In my mind, I was like, he's six years older than me. Yeah.

He was born in 1974. Yeah. I don't know why I said he's 45, because that would make him 43, which is what he is. 43. Whoa, you forgot your own age. No, I just am bad at adding. I think you forgot your own age. Oh, sure.

But do you think that's nice? Wait, wait, wait, wait. What's my age again? No. My favorite part of that song is when they're like, wait, what's my age again? Yeah, yeah, wait, wait. And the song stops. That would be a pretty cool thing.

You know what did happen this past year? I stumbled across Newer Blink 182. I don't hate it. I don't hate it. Are they all in it? Yeah. Yeah. I think so.

Because that one had cancer, but he didn't die, right? Which one? The one that's... Because there's the alien guy, the guy who loves aliens. Yeah, he might be an alien. Oh. We don't... I'm just saying there's...

That's not Tom DeLonge. Tom DeLonge is the main guy. Yeah, not Tom DeLonge. Tom DeLonge, I think, is the alien guy. He loves aliens. Yeah. Okay. Mark Hoppus, who I was always under the impression he was the main guy.

Yeah, he's the main guy. Wait. Isn't he the main guy? We have two main guys. Oh, who's the main guy? I think of the drummer as the main guy.'t he the main guy two main guys who's the main guy i think of the drummer as the main guy who's the one because it's it's tom delong who has like the the accent that no one can understand or not understand but like comprehend oh yeah yeah hello there the angel from my nightmare pretty good yeah yeah so he's the alien yeah he's the alien. Yeah. He's the alien guy. Yeah. And then Mark. And then.

Travis. Travis. Oh, I think they're all in it. Yeah. Travis is, did he have cancer? I think so. I think it was Travis. He was in a plane crash.

With DJ AM. Maybe none of them had cancer. Maybe I'm. I never, this is my first time hearing of it. Yeah. I mean, I've heard of cancer before. Well, you hear everything. So probably is wrong.

What was Travis? He had a reality show? He had a reality show with him and his, I want to say, former Playboy playmate wife. What was that? Were they interesting people? Well, he had a lot of tattoos, and she was considering getting a few. They didn't have a conventional life. They lived in a... They were worried what things would happen when the life would be like when they were 50 and how old do we think travis

older or younger than jimmy fallon younger i want to say wait what you said jimmy fallon was 43 i'm saying nobody loves you when you're 43. If they were 23 when they made that song. Yeah, I don't know. 44. I'm going to say 44. 42. 42.

Always a little too high. Yeah, I'll say. Hey. Hey. I don't really smoke weed, so. Well, that's not the only way to get high. Yeah. Life, friendship, Jesus.

Thank you. I told you guys earlier, I quit that after one year. Yeah, you were a teenage Jesus freak. Yeah, for one year. Did you have any posters on your wall that were like- No, posters of Jesus? Well, or Moses. Yeah, before the show, you told us that for one year, when you were 14 or so.

I was in grade nine, yeah. You became a Christian. Yeah. Just to feel superior? I think probably partly that. Just so you could boss people around? On a practical level, it really was the chocolate prizes. Now, we're not just talking about Easter.

No, no, no. We're not just talking about Easter. No, no, no. We're not just talking about heaven. I went to a youth group, and if you memorized a piece of the scripture each week and set it at the door, you got a weird wooden token, and your wooden tokens could be traded in for prizes that ranged from small to big. Traded in that night? Yeah, or you could save them up and trade them in for bigger prizes. Oh.

And were they wooden tokens because Jesus was a carpenter? Did you know that about Jesus, or were you only one year? She had a poster of him sawing the table. Is that not something they tell you in first year, Jesus? First year of Jesus. Freshman Jesus? Oh, I hate myself. Why?

I'm kidding. There's a, and I feel like. You know who loves you? Jesus. Yeah, yeah. And Moses. And Moses feels ambivalent. But that's why Moses is hotter.

Yeah. Because he doesn't love you automatically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He names you a bit. He's like, here are my commandments. Follow them or no admission. Yeah, I, yeah. He names you a bit. He's like, here are my commandments. Follow them or no admission. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know who hung out with whom.

Are all the prophets hanging out? Yeah. Is Noah there? No. Abraham? Noah, I think, wasn't he? I don't know if he's a prophet. He's Old Testament.

He's not a prophet. Oh, buddy. Who are the prophets? Mark, Matt. Those are the prophets? Mark, Matt. Those are the disciples. Yeah, they're the disciples. Oh, shit. You know.

I don't know, guys. I did it for the chocolate. Yeah, not the prophets. Not the. Who are the Moffats? Oh, sure. Oh, okay. There's the triplets and the one guy.

And the one guy. I met the Moffats once. What? Where? While doing extra work as a teenager for a show called... For the non-Canadian listener, the Moffats were Canadian brother boy bands. Sort of Hanson. Yeah, they were our Hanson.

They were our Hanson. And they started out as a busking troupe. In West Edmonton Mall. Yeah. And then, I don't remember their song. I mean, I would remember it if it. There's one about their mom. Bang, bang, boom?

No. It's got to be before four, isn't it? Bang, bang, boom? No, bang, bang, boom is the Moffat. What did the Moffats sing? The Moffats, ah, they had, I miss you like crazy. Even more than words can say. Yeah, yeah.

If you're listening. If you're still listening. If you're listening to Mr. Moffat. What is Mr. Moffat? Like all of them. Oh, I see. You know, because plural. If the Moffats are listening, hit me up.

I miss you like crazy. Here are their top five songs on Spotify. Okay, lay it on me. I miss you like crazy. Miss you like crazy long version. I'll be there for you. Not the Friends theme, I don't think. Maybe, though.

If life is so short. If life is the friends theme I don't think maybe though if life is so short if life is so short I don't know and girl of my dreams oh she was the girl of my dreams thank you my heart

I believe this is this has been Tarzan Dance countdown what was the show you were an extra on Um This is um This has been Tarzan Dance Yeah Countdown What was the show You were an extra on

You don't remember Oh um No I was like I was a teenager At the time I think it was called Something about Jesus

I was a teenager At the time So I had to be Christian I don't wanna say It was Eerie Indiana Cause I don't think It was that But it was something

In the same vein Like a family channel Weird show right um and yeah on the show we were extras at like a moffett's concert so we just heard the same song 50 times and had to dance to it you remember the song was it one of the i think oh i feel like crazy, I feel like it was poppier than that. A little more upbeat. And then after the show, um, so I was there with my sister and my like high school, uh, best friends who were twins. Whoa, you were, both of them you were friends with? Yeah. Whoa.

Yeah, yeah, they were both my best friends. Did they, did they introduce themselves to the triplets and the Moffats? Well, actually, the Moffats came up to them after the show and my sister. And then they all flirted with each other. And even though there were four of them and four of us. Oh, no flirting? No. Yikes.

Also, incidentally, I've met before four. I've met B4Four I've met a lot of Where did you meet B4Four? B4Four for the home listener Is Kind of an orange An orange Canadian boy band

With Frosted tips And Rochelle necklaces Rochelle necklaces And They were also They also had twins. Yeah.

Where did you meet them? Outside of BC Place, I think. They were doing a concert and they were wandering around. And I was with those same twin friends. Oh, boy. Best friends with twins. Guess who got hit on by Before 4? I think that's got to be partly that you were hanging out with twins all the time.

You got to show me a picture of these twins. No. I got to know what's attracting all these Canadian heroes. Canadian multiples. But like, is it not weird that the twins that the twins would have i guess maybe they have similar interests and would have multiple are you weirded out that they were friends with the same people yeah yeah yeah i think so no they were really close oh i i was more thinking like that the two two sets of twins getting together oh no no i mean that goes without saying goes without saying is what that happens all the

time that they have you know whenever a set of twins sees another set of twins they're like let's let's do sexual pranks um but uh because i went to school with a couple there was a couple sets of twins and but they didn't hang out. They pretended like they didn't know each other, even though they had each other's faces. No, I never met that guy before. That guy in the matching sailor suit? Don't know. Well, I went to school with some twins, and one set were very close, and another set weren't.

I think it's, you know. It's just luck of the draw. Yeah. Yeah. They fought a lot. They were like fiery towards each other, but also very close. Did they have secret twin language? I think they might have as kids.

Hey, you know how much I hate gibberish? What? So much. What? How? Look, this is on you now. It's not on me. You came here with a list of things you hated.

I'm afraid of snakes. I hate gibberish. No, my list of things I hate is not very long. But it's all in this room. I have a parade of snakes, but I don't hate them. I would like to hear the rest of this hate list. I hate gibberish. Yeah.

I hate scatting. Skibbity-bop-bop. Which is just fancy gibberish. Rhythmic gibberish. What else do I hate? I hate when people say, excuse me, when you're not in their way in a public place. When they're like, excuse me, to get by you, but you're like five feet away. Can't stand that.

Okay, then we're getting into the more specific. That's the list. That's it? Racism doesn't crack that list? No. No. That goes without saying. Like twins hooking up with twins.

Of course I hate racism. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So scatting, gibberish, and people saying excuse me. Scatting,

scatting without music, and excuse me. People wanting you to go out of their way when you're not in their way. It makes me so uncomfortable. Yeah. Do you have something like that? Like scatting that you're just like, I hate it, and I just

can't, I don't have necessarily a, I hate it and I just can't. I don't have necessarily a particular reason for it. I know Dave's. It's connecting with another human being on a real level. Hate it. So annoying. Just meh. Except for his family.

No, I don't know if I do. I probably. You must hate something. I'm trying to think. Because I'm like, I know how people hate whistling. Right. That doesn't bother me.

Yeah. But like if someone's whistling, I will sometimes be like, I bet everyone hates this. I'm going to start a round of like, everybody hates this, right? Yeah. You know, this, right? Yeah. You know Thangram? Yeah, my new

one is people watching videos on their phone in like public, in shared spaces. In full volume? Yeah. That really is like, I'm like, that's taking the I don't care about anybody around me to a hyper new level that I didn't

think was possible. But here we are. Here we are in the year of our Lord. Yeah, I take his as well. I hate that. We're twins. We share. Also, when someone is like, pardon me?

But like you're four feet away from. Oh, my God. I'm leaving. This ball of wax is getting out of here i'm gonna slither my waxy body out i'm offended i'm sliding away um so uh yeah we we haven't really learned it. We learned that. Yeah. You're scared of your future. Scared of the future. Um, yeah.

As we all are. As we all are. Yeah. Um, what else? What should I tell you? What do you want to know? I don't know. Seeing anyone? No, I'm not seeing anybody.

Okay. Um. Can you see? Yeah. Yes, I can see. You don't have face blindness or anything? No, I don't. I do know someone with face blindness.

How are you with faces? Can you tell the twins apart? Yeah, I can tell the twins apart. Do you keep in touch with the twins? Not much, like kind of on Facebook. Not for any bad reason, just like. Just drifted apart, man. Yeah, one lives in Australia, one travels.

They don't even hang out anymore. I guess they got it all out of their system you're so worried about these twins where's the other one though I think maybe still in VC in Vancouver I don't know she's always posting about being in like LA and stuff

whoa fancy and what are the twins' favorite foods? Oh, my God. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. What do you want to know about me? What do you want to know about my life, Graham?

I don't know. Huh? What do you want to know? Oh, wait. So I'm not saying anybody, although I will say this. I'm going to mildly. You know what? Okay.

I'll start by saying that the older I get, the less I care what i say which is good you don't seem that way well okay that's your opinion dave all right all right i don't i mean i guess the less i care about like talking about like weird things that have happened to me and this isn't't that weird, but I was at a show in Toronto and one of your spy listeners ended up like flirting with me and then asking for my number. And then we texted forever and I was like, maybe I'll go on a date with this person. And then we never did.

Did he know who you were? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know why. You're flirting. Do you know who you were? Yeah. Yeah. Is that how you started out? You're flirting. Do you know who I am? Do you know who I think I am? How early on in the flirting did he figure out who you were?

Oh, like he literally came up to me after the show and was like, hey, were you on Spy? Oh, wow. I love that show. And we chatted. And then when he was leaving do you have a twin um yeah do you have a twin and then when he was leaving he said bye and i was like see you never and then uh he came back and he went what's that supposed to be i don't know because i didn't know him we'd been talking for like an hour i was like okay bye see you never

uh and then he came back and he was like, well, what if it wasn't never? Oh, see you maybe sometime. Like, oh! And then he got my number and then we talked a bunch. I bring this up to say I'm never seeing anybody because I'm terrible at dating. Well, everybody is. Are they? Yeah, nobody's good at it.

I guess. Well, who's good at it? Oh, I don't know. People in long-term relationships. But they're the ones who get out of the dating pool altogether. So they're not good at dating. I see. That's a good point.

I'm curious. So you meet someone now in person. What do you get from them? You get their number. You get their, oh, can I add you on Facebook? Yeah, yeah. Oh, I don't know. I would hope that the person would take your number or my number.

I would say just message me on Instagram. Just slide into my DMs, please. My DMs are open. I'm very waxy. It's the only way I respond. Yeah, are you on one of them dating apps now no I've been on Tinder a couple of times

but what about Bumble that one sounds like I've never been on Bumble because that's just extra work for me as a woman why what's the

because you you have to speak first can't you just be like see you never and just leave yeah it's not extra work

like you can choose to do no work. I guess if you wanted to leave somewhere, I suppose. I'm very lazy. Well, what? Do you care? No, not really. Okay.

That too. Like, I don't really care. Right. I'm not sitting at home. Don't you need someone to take care of you when you're 50? Well, thanks, Dave. Cool. Cool.

I mean, I don't know if you were scared about what's going to happen when you're 50, but, thanks, Dave. Cool. Cool. I mean, I don't know if you were scared about what's going to happen when you're 50, but it's not going to be good. No. Dave. Dave, wow.

Because of the purge? Oh, yeah, sure. The purge. The zombies. You're right. The twinpocalypse. When all the twins unite their powers. Oh, boy.

And they use their secret scatting language. Squee-ba-dee-beep-bop. No. Yeah. Squee-ba-dee-beep-bop. Squee-ba-dee-beep-bop. It's just if you break it down into parts it's so embarrassing squeeb

squeeb squeeb nothing wrong with that yeah if you can get past squeeb the rest is fine I can't

I can't get past we almost named our daughter squeeb little squeeby shumka. Squeeby beep bop shumka. The D is just an initial though. Squeeba D beep bop shumka. Like Harry S. Truman.

So everything's going great. Yeah, life's going great. I'm a bad dog in Toronto. I'm still teaching. Are you teaching mostly young folk? I teach mostly adults. Really? Yeah, sometimes teens, but mostly adults.

No more? Because you used for a long time you were teaching teens. Teens mostly. Teens. And now you've moved it. Switched. Everything changes, Graham. Is it better, worse, same?

Oh, I like it better, I think. Okay. Well, I don't know. What's the hardest part about teens? They're always running around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pressuring you into things. Yeah, it's the peer pressure.

They kept trying to get me to smoke after class. Hey, want some Ritalin? Sure. Okay, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I mean, if you have it. You seem really unfocused. No, teens are great.

As are adults. I think it's just like, I think it's easier to just like joke with adults or be more comfortable. Like teens, there's an element, not of babysitting, but an element of like you are a role model. But no 45-year-old is going to be like, that are a role model but no 45 year old is going to be like that's my role model it's just a little less pressure

yeah not that I would be a bad role model no I think you'd be a good role model thank you yeah

like a good one like a yeah well I hate racism you hate racism well I don't know that you mentioned that yeah wait a minute

I mean you hate scatting I You ain't scatting. I know you ain't scatting. Have you ever thought of being like a big sister or something like that? No. To a 45-year-old? No. No, I haven't.

Yeah, can you pick to just like... No. Can Jimmy Fallon just be like, I think I need a big sister? And then he's just asking you to play. Yeah. Let's play ping pong, but we'll do it dressed as seconds later. Can he still do it? He hurt his finger or something.

He's fine. Yeah, he got that crazy surgery. De-gloving. Right? I don't know. He was de-gloved? De-gloved? Wasn't that what happened to him? I know he hurt his hand somehow and the whole thing made me cringe Was it him or was it the other Jimmy? No it was him

It's where your finger rips off Because your ring catches on something Ring evulsion That's a warning everyone Don't get married Oh yeah that's true It wouldn't have happened if you never got married yeah if you or if you didn't insist on showing everyone that you were

married and happy about it by having a ring on hide your pride yeah by having a ring on uh when did that tradition start wearing a ring i mean it mean, it's always been thus. Yeah. I just actually, oh, I love. The circle, the ring, symbolizes our undying love. Oh. And I'm showing my ring to the room. Yeah. And this symbol symbolizes dragons. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah, I forgot. I forgot you have a dragon wedding ring that has Elvish written on it. No, Elvis written on it. In Elvish. Yeah. It says, uh-huh. Oh, my God. It's a very busy ring.

Well, it was a very busy wedding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And what does Abby's have? Abby's has, it's a diamond that symbolizes rock hard abs good save and

it's got earrings it's got earrings on the ring weird that symbolize just somewhere to hang her earrings

yeah yeah well how do you feel about people getting the tattoo instead of the... Oh, I feel fine. I don't know. Do what you want

to your body. Whatever. Oh, I was going to say, I love... Tattoo avulsion. I love weird facts like unnecessary, like trivia.

Yeah. And I just learned... I hate that. That's one of the things I hate. Oh, that's on Dave's list. Uh-oh. Your list is getting longer.

I learned recently that the Egyptian people would wear the ring on the left, or on either hand, but I think it was left, on the fourth finger because they believed that there was a vein that connected directly to the heart so that if you wore a ring there, would enhance feelings of love to the heart the fourth finger the ring finger the ring finger by by like oh okay let's see that's a sweet kind of sweet that's a sweet answer i'd call that my third finger okay well i would count from the index okay so not your thumb your my thumb would it be cooler if married people wore pinky rings?

No. I think it would be cool. I think it would be cool, right? Why am I the outlier here? I don't know. Have you been to any weddings in the past year? Have I? Have you gotten any jewelry in the past year?

It feels like we're focusing a lot on romance here. I can, no, I asked you about teaching. Have you guys been to any, no, I don't. Yeah, I've been to two. I don't think I went to any this year. Yeah. It's weird when you have, it's weird when you have a year where there's multiple weddings and you're like, what the fuck is going on?

And then it's also weird when there's zero. Yeah. I don't find it weird when there's zero because I don't think people invite me to their weddings anymore. You don't think they do or you don't think they should?

I don't think people, I think, I'm not, I think a lot of people get married in secret so they don't have to invite me. Do you think that's the number

one reason of eloping? I think it's gotten very cool to elope these days. Save a lot of money, don't have to invite Dave. He's going to do

one of his patented scanning speeches. When I first met the griggrig of Bapadoop the Broom. Dave, if I get married, I'll invite you Okay

You don't have to come, but I'll invite you Thank you for both Saying both those things It is It's also nice to To not be invited To just find out that somebody got married It's very low pressure

Yeah Like if you're just like Oh, hey, we You just see pictures of them on a beach somewhere And you're like Done and done But that's because you're just like, oh, hey, we, you just see pictures of them on a beach somewhere and you're like done and done. But that's because you're cool. Like you don't mind.

Like you realize people can do whatever they want. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think some people get mad. I think so. There's like an aunt. Some people do. I wouldn't. Or a friend is like, I wanted you to have a wedding for me.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. But those people should just throw annual parties. The people who want that kind of thing in their life should just throw, you know, a big rager once a year and, like, invite everybody and get that out of their system, right? I think that's a Sex and the City episode. Which?

Well, there's definitely an episode where Samantha throws in i'm not having a baby party okay yeah classic samantha boy classic i'm surprised she didn't have a baby she had so much sex she loved the stuff hey what are you who would you say what what uh gal from sex in the city i oh i think i'm look i'm I'm a Miranda with Charlotte leaning. Like, I think I'm, inside I'm a Charlotte. I think everyone sees a Miranda. Yeah, yeah, but inside you know that you're a Charlotte. Yeah.

How about you? Oh, I'm a Miranda. Oh, yeah? I'd be offended if I was anything else. And yourself, Graham? I'm a... You're a Carrie. You're a burger. loves you i love the shoes i love you know i i love a sale at a shoe store mostly it's about my shoe collection and uh and my girlfriend mrs big i can't pin her down she just wants to stay at home and watch old movies that was the craziest plot thing and was that in the second movie that he like bought a tv so they

could watch so they could watch old movies and then she got upset about it because she's like what are we going to be a couple that watches TV and I'm like you mean a couple? I don't know if that was the second movie. I only remember the second movie being just rife with racism. Oh the second movie was the greatest. It's so racist. I mean

it's so bad. It is so bad but it's so amazing. Abu Dhabi do? Like when Samantha just yells that at a woman. Erin Gobrales. Erin Gobrales, yes. There's a woman who was created just for that pun. Oh, God.

I would love to just see, you know where they put like note cards on a bulletin board? On the storyboard? They start with just puns. Just puns. And it all works from there. And then single lady dancing. The single ladies dance with Liza Minnelli. Yeah.

And then they sing, I'm woman, here we roar at karaoke in Dubai. And then there's that great, great moment where all of the women who are in, I don't know, headdresses, maybe hijabs. I don't remember. Yeah, yeah. They go into that little room and they're like, uh-oh, here's the real clothing. How many times did you say it, Steve? I think only once, but it's burned into my brain. I think I've seen it a couple of times, but I would watch it again before I would watch the first one.

Oh, I don't know if I've ever seen the first one. The first one is kind of a snooze. Yeah, because the first one's kind of like, doesn't it just tie up loose ends or whatever? And then the second one, they're like, let's burn that hole of everything we've done and just start fresh. We'll move them out of New York. Oh, boy. We need a break. There's another scene

where they go on a camel trip just to get a camel toe. So that's another whole scene that was just... Oh, my God. What are some fun Middle Eastern sex puns? They have two words.

Middle Eastern sex puns. Yeah. Aladdin. Hmm. Aladdin tight pants? I don't know. Oh, boy. Iraq. check out Iraq

on this one yeah that's pretty good Dave you're surprisingly good at this I'm very good at this oh boy anything else that's gone on

in the year yeah well I oh I did a I did like a TV show, um, called blind sighted,

which was, uh, pretty great. Pretty wild. Yeah. So the show is, is that a pun? Yeah,

it is a pun because the host, um, of the show is a man named Kelly McDonald and he is blind. And the premise of the show is him navigating the world exploring the world etc as a blind person and then there's a cast um it's like a sketch show so the cast had visually impaired people or people with visual impairment um and then people who are sighted and it was a bunch of. So it was a pretty wild experience because it was very fun to do. Were all the sketches pertaining to sight?

Yeah. So that alone was impressive. Yeah. Shout out to Alistair Forbes for coming up with that many funny things about it. I don't think it's that narrow. I see things every day. There you go. I mean, sex in the city, that's a narrow focus.

I mean, I don't have sex every day. I'd like to. Hey, what's happening to your head? Dave, are you okay? You okay, bud? I'm fine, man. I don't know. I'm excited.

And I think I can look at things. And there's plenty of comedy in that yep that's true uh yeah it was an interesting experience to be filming with someone who um isn't excited like just like tiny things where i'd sort of be like nodding at him uh and then be like oh i'm i'm agreeing with you. I'm just showing you only physically. Yeah, it was a great, great experience. And like, is this guy a comedian guy? He was a radio personality.

And then they were like, oh, you're charming. Let's give you a TV show. It's on AMI. Anyway, it was very fun. What's AMI? Accessible Media. Oh, okay. I don't remember what the I means.

But yeah, I was cast as a role of the confident but slightly bigoted newscaster. So. So. Can we speak to this newscaster? Right now? You've already been speaking to me the whole time you idiots

I hate scanning who doesn't the devil's language it was sketches but you always played the news yeah it was sketches but every time it had like a news program so I was playing the newscaster on it. Okay. Yeah.

So did that this year. That's new. That's fun. That's fun. That was good. Yeah. Yeah. Would you do it again?

Mm-hmm. Okay. All right. No more follow-up questions. What did you expect the answer to be? I don't know. No. No, it was tough.

No, it was great. Yeah. It's weird when you get an offer like that and you're like, I can't. I got to do it. Oh, yeah. Because it's a weird enough thing. Well, the show was great. Everyone was amazing.

Everyone I worked with was amazing. And so was this guy. Everything was great it was just also such an interesting experience to be like i've never done this before what a cool learning experience yeah and then also to be like hey oh i think you're perfect for this role of the confident but slightly bigoted woman yeah like yeah Like, yeah, all right. Okay. I'm learning my hit. Yeah. I don't know if I get confident from you.

Dave, I'm going to punch you. Where? Well, got a few options. Dealer's choice. Player's choice. Yeah, that's right. I do. I am fair

where would you like me to punch you Dave in the basement Dave what's going on with you man you guys here's what's going on with me

you were just punched by Nicole punched by an angel that show would have been different. Oh, yeah. Starring Russell Crowe. Yeah.

Renegade angel. He's a puncher. I feel like he threw a phone at somebody one time. Yeah, he's a puncher. What's going on with me is the family is just now maybe getting over jet lag. with family is just now maybe getting over jet lag and so like uh a lot of there's been a lot of nights of putting margo to bed and like laying next to her at eight o'clock at night waiting for her to fall asleep uh and then i just fall asleep there and wake up at midnight and i don't know what it is about maybe sleeping on the floor but I've been waking up with my arms stretched out so far above my head like I'm on a roller coaster.

Multiple times on multiple nights. And the next day, my shoulders hurt so much. So you're like you're sound asleep, like with your arms up. Yeah, but I think i'm maybe on my side like i'm not my back i'm not on my back and so it's sort of like a little crooked like one arm is just hanging maybe your arms are like this is our chance we can freestyle yeah there's no wall behind the pillow yeah so i'll just yeah and we're not going to feel weird hanging off the side of

a thing because we're all level so your arms are doing what they really wanted what's your normal sleep on my side on your oh yeah uh like an angel like an angel head on my hand punched by an angel yeah just on my side maybe a little more on my stomach than my side what about you what's your sleep but like with yeah with a wall behind my pillow so i can't i was saying earlier that dave and i are so similar you guys are similar yeah i guess um youngest of four both the best friends with twins yeah you're young terrified of getting older yeah losing losing our looks what well that's why i that's why I'm afraid of getting older. Oh, my God.

Look, I don't define myself by my looks, but that was rude, babe. Then I guess we aren't that similar. Because I do. Yeah, I sleep on my side. Yeah, like this. With your hands tucked under your head. I have little hands under my face like I've been punched by an angel. But you're a giant insomniac. Yeah, like this. With your hands tucked under your head. With your hands under my face like I've been punched by an ant. But you're a giant insomniac.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'll wake up in all sorts of weird positions that I didn't plan on. And I, this, like I can get to sleep. I'm exhausted by six or seven at night. So I have no trouble getting to sleep. But my problem is now I wake up and I can't get back to sleep. The old staying asleep. And the biggest problem with that I find is then you just add another meal to your day. Because at two in the morning, you're like, well, I haven't eaten in so long.

I'm hungry now. Yeah. Also, there's just like- I'm going to make a big batch of spaghetti and meatballs. Thanks, Ragu. Yeah, I can't stay asleep. That's my big thing. Falling asleep I can do, but staying asleep is like.

Yeah. And also there's just, there's nothing to do when you wake up at 2.30 in the morning. Where do you go? Dentist appointment? You go to a dentist appointment? Sure. You go, there's nothing to watch. You're not supposed to turn on a screen because then you're not going to get back to bed.

But you're not going to get back to bed anyways, really. That's true. I have sleep problems as well. I can fall asleep and then I can get back to sleep too, but I wake up anywhere from 5 to 20 times a night. Whoa. Yeah.

That's a lot. Since forever. Yeah. Since birth. What do you do? Do you just wake up? Well, since I remember. You don't remember your first night.

Since I can remember, Dave. Wow. And also my parents remember most things I mean not my birthday dad oh oh

shots fired uh oh remember when we were doing getting to know you yeah yeah I just like I'll wake up for like five ten minutes and then go back to bed.

But you can go back to sleep. Yeah, almost always. Yeah, see, that's the trick, right? Once I'm up, my brain thinks there must be something that we should be doing. Or there's a predator around. Oh, yeah. There usually is. I live next door to a predator.

And it keeps the rat down You know What kind of predator? A coyote I think of them as more of a scavenger Yeah I guess But I'm very slow So

It's always nipping at my heels Yeah I don't Yeah What else can you do Except watch a screen What can you do but laugh? Sometimes. Watch old Carol Burnett.

Oh, when's you going to tug on that ear? Oh, yeah. So you're eating, you're up to four meals a day? Four meals a day, tremendous shoulder pain. Stiff shoulders. It's hard to, you know, stir my 2 a.m. scrambled eggs. I like that I'm getting a picture of what kinds of foods you eat at 2 a.m.

Uh, no, actually this whole, like we just got back from Switzerland. So my, everything I eat in the middle of the night is a chocolate. Nice. That's,

uh, yeah. What do I eat in the middle of the night? Toast, I guess. Lots and lots of toast. That's, yeah, what do I eat in the middle of the night? Toast, I guess. Lots and lots of toast. I figure that'll, that puts you to sleep somehow. Bread? Yeah, get a little stuffed.

What are you supposed to put you to sleep? Turkey. Turkey. Warm milk. Alcohol. Yeah. But alcohol, it only works for putting you to sleep. It doesn't keep you there because

then alcohol i think is like that's why you got more alcohol that's why you gotta wake up and have more alcohol yeah my 3 a.m bourbon 3 a.m shots this will get me through till six i gotta pee so bad just have them lined up on the kitchen counter. And that's another thing is like, I wake up and I have to pee, but I don't know if I woke up because I had to pee or because I was woken up and I might as well pee. Yeah. Yeah. And do you ever like.

So I'm going to have to tell, because you know, this is going to be a thing a doctor is going to ask me about. How many times a night do you wake up to pee? Well, I wake up a lot in the night and i don't pee every time the doctor's like hey you just answer my question just straight yeah well uh i feel like i'm kind of a samantha if you must know no um yeah i uh uh do you ever wake up and then have something stuck in your head that's like just a stupid stupid, you can't do anything about it? Like what?

Just like I'll be like, oh, I got to watch the last episode of Better Call Saul. And it's not like, what's going to happen in the last episode of Better Call Saul? No. No, you don't ever have anything like that? When you have something stuck in your head, I think of like, you know, a melody. Oh, no. Yeah, that would be nice. I get like unjustified anxiety dreams.

So I'm not like a terribly anxious person in general, but I will wake up screaming in the middle of the night and be like, oh, fuck, I've got to do that. And then I don't know what it is. Do you have a roommate? Yeah, yeah. That's okay. Get over it, Chris Wilson.

Yeah, Chris Wilson. Yeah, no, I like, and then there's nothing that I have to do, but my brain has tricked myself into being panicked. And then I take two minutes and go, oh no, you're fine. And then go back to bed. Ah, that's nice. Do you ever have, like, I used to, because I was terrible at doing

homework all my whole life. And then I, sometimes I would have like kind of a dream of like, oh, this thing is due and I'd wake up and I'd be stressed. And then now I get those and I'm so relieved. Oh, yeah. Oh, I don't have to do that at all.

Not going to get in trouble with anyone. Yeah. Having the high school dream is very, I always find it incredibly unsettling. So unsettling. Yeah. Even when I wake up, it takes me hours to get back to feeling normal.

Mine is you haven't actually graduated because you failed math so you have to go back and i'm this age in a high school math class you don't know what this age is because you don't know math i'm 15 plus no all i know is i'm younger than jimmy fallon in the dream. But older than Travis Barker. That sounds like a riddle. I'm younger than Jimmy Fallon, but older than Travis Barker. What am I? Time.

Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah, in my dream, I'm always like, it's like the day of the big test, but I haven't gone to any of the classes and I don't even know where the room is. So I'm wandering the halls of a high school. Did you ever do that? Like get that far behind where you didn't know where the room was on the day of the big test? No. See, I did take one class where I only went to one class, and then I was like, I should go to class after like a month or two of not being there,

and I showed up, and it was the exam. Oh, shit. I passed. That was fine. You passed? Yeah. Oh, good. Wow. That's just a testament to your improbability. I passed that was fine you passed? yeah oh good wow

yeah that's just a testament to your improbability not with a high mark but wow the D's get degrees

baby I had double D's at the time so I just I went up to the prof and was like hey what if you

look at my boobs and pass me can I get a D? double D's at the time, so I just went up to the prof and was like, hey, what if you look at my boobs and pass me? Can I get a D? I mean, I realize having giant boobs isn't a substitute for academic excellence, but maybe I could just pass. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sure. Yeah, I'm not going to give you a degree, but these D's get D's. Oh, boy. So, yeah, a lot of shoulder pain. Yeah, a lot of joint stiffness. Yeah. And, you know, it's been a long time since I, like, slept on a floor. Well, maybe it's not been that long since I, like, slept on a floor.

Well, maybe it's not been that long, actually. Now that I think of it. But, yeah. Last night, I didn't have to. Like, some nights, Margo likes to just have a little talk as she's going to sleep. Yeah. It's all I next to her. Last night, she was already asleep. And I was like, I had been listening to a podcast about murder.

Oh yeah. And it was specifically about someone who comes into people's houses and kills children. Oh boy. So I was like, okay, I'm just going to sleep next to the kid. Yeah. I can't, I, you know what? I probably can't do anything if a murderer comes in. No, you could.

You, you, you, you get defense wounds. Sure. At the very least. Let them lay. I'm leaving you Dave. No, you could. You get defense wounds. Sure. At the very least. I'm leaving you, Dave. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think. You're spry. Yeah, I think maybe the...

You have those rock hard abs. Yeah, that's true. Diamond hard. Diamond hard. Yeah. Fling. Dave is punching his own abs right now. Punch me. No, I won't. abs right now Punch me

No I won't I refuse My poor hands Those are your money makers Yeah yeah Hand model Yeah Well how much longer do you think Before everybody's back to time zone

I mean we're pretty good So like last night was a very big step. Good. I'm glad. I think we're close. I don't want to jinx it. Yeah. Yeah, okay. What's up with you? I made the mistake of going to see a movie

on a Saturday night, which I haven't done, I will say it's been probably a decade. Like, usually I'll go, you know, whatever. I'll go to a matinee or I'll go just like on a weeknight because what do I got to do? But, you know, on a weekend, it's just like that's, I'll either be doing shows or I'll be like, I just don't want to be around society at all. And so when it was. What movie?

The Shape of Water. Uh-huh. which uh i'll get to that in a minute the fucking of a sacred fish um but uh it was at the international village and there's like it's a mall and there's an escalator that goes up to the movie theater there was the lineup went all the way down the out of operation escalator into the food court no yeah it was insane just for every movie just for yeah but just to like go to the movies there was no new movie out or or some super movie that everybody was going to see it was just like everybody was like oscar bait oscar bait oh yeah award season yeah everyone saw the golden globes and went oh i've got to see it yeah maybe that's it maybe that was it i don't i couldn't i was like is this what movies

is this what saturday night at the movies is like why would anybody do this? Just crazy crazy long lineups and then the theater has like the automatic, the pop robot and That's the best. It's the best when there's nobody there it is the worst when it's people who have never used it before and you're

stuck in line behind people who are like Fanta? How do I start over again? Exactly, Fanta? How do I start over again? Exactly. Fanta? And yeah, so there was a lot of do-overs. There was a lot of pop just being spilled out everywhere. What's your go-to when you do that? It's cherry Coke. Oh, good. I'm glad you said that.

Why? What's your go-to? Because I love cherry Coke. Yeah, right? That's like extra treat pop. Yeah, Well, what's your go-to? Because I love cherry coke. Yeah, right? If I'm, like, that's like extra treat pop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if you're using this pop machine, you gotta make some swamp water of some kind. Yeah. Or whatever your regional variation of that

term is. Suicide. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Crap. Crap bucket. You gonna make crap bucket? Yeah. Stink water. Piss mix. Fuck bucket.

Just fucking mix it all together, fam. Right? Oh, ew. I don't think I've ever used that word before. Oh, I do. I'm a fam man now. Anyway, I love if you're going there to get regular Coke and then some cherry Coke and then something weird thrown in. Oh, like you'll do a third?

I'll do a mix. Third flavor? Yeah. Pib it. Pib. Pib it up. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

They got Pib. They have Pib Extra. There's no Pib. You can't get no Pib in a can or bottle here. It's only in them machines. You're damn right. I mean, you know, if that law gets pushed through. Oh, well, you know, all the background check they have to give you for you to get some Pib.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just too long. Yeah, but that's why I'm applying for my Nexus card so I can get in the quick Pib line. I mean, sure, there's a loophole if you buy it at a pib show yeah that's right but the you know the framers of the constitution didn't imagine pib so many flavors of pib they and it was supposed to be you were you know it was because there were local militias at the time and like it needed to be it took to reload a bottle of pib back then yeah yeah yeah compared to you know the amount of pibs you could drink in a minute now yeah because of this the popatron

you can have as many sodas as you want i guess you could go back and get refills although no let's see you can't not legally i get a large i think they'll give you a free refills really yeah so i love how quickly talking about refills made you guys stop this analogy to guns. Yeah, yeah. Because now it's not funny anymore. Not funny. Yeah. Well, we're recording this, you know, 10 days before it comes out.

There will be a giant shooting. Yeah, yeah. Unfortunately. I guess, well, I mean, you can always get a refill if you're sneaky enough to. But I think once they've put the pop in the hands of the public and the machine is just out of the way of the concession attendance. Yeah. And it's free for all. But I can't imagine getting up in the middle of a movie to go get more. People get up to pee.

I don't know, Dave. Are they getting up to pee or are they getting up and then they're like well i'm up that was a good conversation um but uh but also you could refill it on your way out yeah oh yeah that's a good call yeah and furthermore with the automation like people are going to lose their jobs because robots are taking their jobs. Yeah. But no one's like, you know, you can just go, no robot is going to stop you from getting more pop. No. Not yet.

Yeah, exactly. Unless they invent a robot. Like what's stopping me from getting, like walking into a self-driving car factory and saying, hey robot, give me. Give me as much pop as I can. Give me a Tesla. Oh, I was still a pop. Yeah. Fill me up a Tesla with bib.

Yeah. It's weird. Like I went to one movie theater in Calgary where you could buy your ticket at the concession. And I was like, why is this not? That happens in North Van. at the concession? And I was like, why is this not?

That happens in North Vans. So my mom lives in North Van and my mom and my sister and I went to see Jumanji. Oh yeah. New Jumanji? New Manji? New Jumanji. That's already out?

My mom kept being like, oh yeah, you can bring outside food and drink into the theater. And I was like, no you can't. She's got a whole picnic basket. And you buy your tickets at concession. And I was like, no you don't. And I looked at her and I was like, no, you can't. She's got a whole picnic basket. And you buy your tickets at concession.

And I was like, no, you don't. And I looked at her and I was like, have you been to a movie? Do I have to put you in a home? She's got a large pizza. I was so shocked. She's got a charcuterie plate. A bottle of sparkling apple juice. But we get there to Park and Tilford, if you know North Van.

And yeah, you buy your tickets at concession. And they did not care that I brought in an outside coffee. Wow. Different times, man. Different times. It really does feel like stepping back 10 years. But I also like buying your tickets at concession makes more sense than having somebody

in a glass booth that their whole job is just hand you a ticket. Is that what The Shape of Water is about? A guy's in a glass booth?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, that movie, I liked it. It was very nice to look at. But it's very, you're just like,

I don't know, man. There's sex scenes in it. With a human and a fish? Yeah, yeah, yeah. A I don't know, man. Like there's some, there's sex scenes in it. With a human and a fish? Yeah, yeah, yeah. A fish guy? A fish guy. And they talk about how does he have a dick and they explain it. They talk about it?

How does he? He's got a little thing that opens up and the dick comes out. And is it? That's in the movie. Is the dick normal? You push a button? No, he's got like, you see him. Like a jack-in-the-box?

He's got like, it's kind of like, he's got like a cup there. And the cup opens and apparently the dick flops out of that. What's it like? They don't show it. Oh. But they don't say it's like prehensile or, you know, like a dolphin dick or. No, no. Is it just for fun?

Can it get me pregnant? I guess they didn't. They didn't address that, but I guess. Does he wear a rubber uh yeah well you know but just like a dinghy it's all water stuff does he wear a blubber uh it's a it's a have you seen the movie splash yeah it's basically splash okay but it's like moodier than splash it like splash knew that it was a crazy concept. So it kept like winking at the idea like, hey, a guy in a fish lady.

Isn't that crazy? In this movie, it's not crazy. Like one character is like, this seems crazy. And everybody else is on board with it. Pretty quick. Where does he live? In an ocean? He lives.

They came from an Amazonian river. The Amazon? Might have been. He lives, they came from an Amazonian river. And then. The Amazon? Might have been. And then they bring him to a lab because they want to, they think it's going to give them an advantage in the Cold War somehow. Is this back then? This is back then. It's a throwback movie?

Yeah, yeah. Then I'm surprised more people didn't judge. Yeah. Seems like revisionist history there. Yeah, yeah. And, you know, but like, it's always, is there a movie where a guy has a relationship with a monster woman? Because I know it happens. Yeah, but she's.

But she's still beautiful. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Other than Splash. Because it's always a woman is oh yeah it's always that thing of like you know the love interest like some grizzled old guy's love interest this young sexy lady yeah but it's never the other way around yeah it's never but it's always a woman has to you know like see through that he's a fish yeah but the man is always like oh she's a sexy monster like in those elvira movies wait isn't there that one movie where

the guy is cursed it's like a rom-com it's not a monster but the guy is cursed where all shallow how no even that it i think you i think I might be thinking of shallow howl. Yeah, because then he. Where he sees people for their inner beauty. But even then he sees them as like thin and hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, no. Yeah, I think it's like.

Women never get to be ugly. You know what's funny? Like, we easily are more likely to be monsters. Women? Oh, yeah. How do you mean? Oh, if you let us, come on. Well, I'm interested in seeing a romantic movie where the woman is the monster in law.

There we go. Shrek? Well, no, it's not a movie. She's a big monster. No one falls in love with the mother-in-law In the movie Shrek comes close At the end

When she doesn't Remember when they Like kiss And you expect That he's gonna turn Into a human But she turns into A she-shrek

That's actually in the middle Not the end Yeah It's in the middle? Of the first movie? Mm-hmm What? Listen

Somebody It's in the middle? Mm-hmm. Of the first movie? Mm-hmm. What? Listen. Somebody. Wait, really? Yeah. Wow. Happens real early. I don't remember that movie well then. Revision is history, baby.

But the whole time leading up to that, he's the ogre and she's the princess. She's beautiful and he's grotesque. But he's not really into it. He just wants his swamp back. Right. And by the way, if you ever have one of those machines, you gotta get a swamp back. Soda machines.

Is Shrek a movie that's on high rotation in the... It's on Netflix. Yeah. And it's a kid's Netflix movie, and there's like six that are not terrible. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. I can only imagine like, what's a terrible one?

You must have seen it. Veggie Tales? Oh, yeah. Well, you watched that when you were a teenager. Oh, yeah. And Broccoli Moses, man. Jerked off to him. Sweet Broccoli Moses.

That's not what VeggieTales is about. It's weird because they'll have. My body, my choice, Graham. Yeah, you're right. No, we've managed to. But there's like a lot of just like, you know, nursery rhyme garbage. Oh, yeah. Oh, boy.

Just like stuff that it's just like, it's just garbage content that only kids are supposed to watch. Yeah, it's like made on a computer. And they're using like, they're adding things to the wheels on the bus that just shouldn't be there the spider on the bus says mind my feet okay oh boy yeah teaching kids that spiders have feet i mean that's i don't know what kind of school system this allows this kind of thing. Now, speaking of all things monster, for the last many weeks, we have been asking the guests a very special question. Okay.

And that question will come up any second now. And we're going to play a song that's the theme from this question the question is what is a goblin what is a goblin anyway that is the what is a goblin theme this week from Nick G. If you want to send us one, don't. We don't want to do this segment too much more. We've got like, I don't know, eight more themes. Nicole, what is a goblin?

Me when I haven't had my coffee. This has been What is a goblin? Wait, did you want a real answer? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's a. You have an idea? It is a mythical creature. Mine is different.

Yeah, it's a mythical creature. They're smaller. They're not huge. They're tricksy. Tricksy? Yeah, they're tricky like a goblin. They're in the world of fairies. A goblin is tricky like a goblin.

And fairies and goblins fight. Oh, okay. I'm pretty sure that's actually a mythological truth. And they're little and grotesque. But could you describe like just what yeah give me some like say a goblin ran away with your uh i don't know teapot i don't know what goblin crimes are and you had to give a description to a police sketch artist okay or a sketch performer i think they'd be like four or five feet tall and like thinner and a pale with long claws and fangs.

Oh, wow. Okay. Fangy. I think they're fangs. Yeah. So a pale, skinny. They're not an ogre. They're big and they're not a, yeah, like they're like, I'm a goblin.

I got your teapot. Yeah. Is that your goblin character? I don't have stock characters I'm sorry My goblin character is whatever I do in the moment That was it I guess This character is better than a goblin

My mom used to own all those like books Growing up That were like goblins, fairies, and more. We had a lot of those around the house. Beautiful art. Oh, like nice. Mythological creatures. Art books.

A friend of mine had the Time Life series. The aliens, Bigfoot, goblins. Was it goblins? I think goblin was in there goblins fairies and uh how they build the pyramids and trixies yeah uh yeah what was that do you remember that series right yeah that's sort of like supernatural yeah why i don't time life doing that i don't know but i remember being a kid and being obsessed with them because it was like an adult

collection of books that was about stuff that kids can't get enough of. Do you remember when Bigfoot won Times Man of the Year? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that was not because of the good that he did. It's just he was the most talked about. Yeah, yeah. I did not know that.

1989, Bigfoot. Man, question mark of the year. you know he beat out gorbachev well gorbachev was people magazine sexist man of that that same year he did that that spread of him lying on a bare skin uh anyway anyway should we uh move on to a bit of business okay life can be fun don't get carried away you gotta do the things you don't want to do to get through the day you gotta shine your shoes you gotta sweep the floor you gotta clean your house you gotta do some more take care of business business time is recruiting time yeah and we're the recruiting is dudes rootin tootin most recruiting dudes you know yeah exactly uh we're dave and graham and we're here to say that we love recruiting in a zippy way. Yeah. Zip recruiter guys, get on it.

Maybe you're a small businessman. A tiny little businessman. Yeah. A little teeny weeny super guy businessman. Yeah. And your business is that you can get into any lock. Yeah. You can get into a safe.

You are a tiny little guy who can get into like little holes. Yeah. You can sabotage things. Oh, yeah. But you need a personal assistant yeah and uh you know the uh the ant that you used to use is run away with a sugar cube sure so you need a you need a tiny little assistant uh and so what are you gonna do you're gonna put a bunch of tiny little ads and tiny little newspapers and websites nah don't be a dum-dum you're gonna have to click so many times yeah tiny little fingers are gonna oh yeah oh and your tiny little newspapers and websites? Nah, don't be a dum-dum. You're going to have to click so many times. Yeah. Your tiny

little fingers are going to... Oh, yeah. Oh, and your tiny little laptop. Aww. Now, what you do is you just head over to ZipRecruiter. You post once, and then it goes to all these different job sites. So you post it one time, and then you can be on hundreds

of job boards. And then, ZipRecruiter actually helps you out. They actively look for the most qualified candidates and invite them to apply to you. They're like, I'm a tiny little nymph. I'm a tiny little worm boy. Yeah, I'm a little tiny worm boy and I'm looking for somebody must have hands, you would say.

Yeah, yeah. We need you, you know, to, I need to get on your shoulders sometimes. And it's from that alone, it's no wonder that 80% of employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate through the site in what, like a month does it take? No, just one day. Although if you're very tiny, sometimes a day feels like a month. Yeah, exactly. Because I don't think time works the same.

When you're super, super time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I believe that. I think that's right. And ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. ZipRecruiter is the smartest way to hire. And if you go right now, our listeners can post jobs on ZipRecruiter for free. That's right, free.

Just go to ZipRecruiter.com slash S-T-O-P. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash stop. Now, back to the show! Hey everyone, Freddie Wong, Matt Arnold, and Will Campos here to tell you about Story Break, a Writer's Room podcast where every week we, the Hollywood geniuses behind video game high school have one hour to turn a humble idea into an awesome movie thrill as we weave the tragic tale of jar jar a star

wars story we're gonna double down on everything that made the prequels great jar jar trade federations politics gasp as we assemble a pantheon of heroes for the kellogg cinematic universe we could get rid of snap crackle pop i, Pop. I wouldn't even miss them. You're crazy. They'd die in the second act. Oh, come on. And join us as we make fun of Matt as he struggles to name a single Beyonce song. Well, yeah, put a finger on it. Sure, she wants to be Beyonce.

Put a finger on it. Beyonce is the famous song. Will we break the story? Or will the story break us? Find out by joining us in the writer's room every Thursday on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Overheard.

Overheard. It's a segment in which we'll hear the things, then we talk about the things, and that is that. And we always like to start with the guest, Nicole. That's me. Yeah. I have a couple of overheards, both involving things I heard children say.

The darndest thing. Yeah. They say the darndest things. Uh, one was recent. It was last week. And one was from September. Um, and the first one was just kind of fun. And the one from September really, uh, hit me in my soul in a very deep way.

The one from last week, I was on a ferry and two little girls were sitting behind me looking out the window and one of them was like, if I was out there in the waves, I'd be having the best time and I'd want to be a dolphin.

And then the other girl went, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, I'd be drowning. Like, yeah, yeah, that one knows. If I was out there in the waves, I'd be in an overcoat filled with rocks. And so in September, just as school was starting, I live by an elementary school and I have to walk past it because there's a park and you have to walk through it. Because you got a reverse. What?

Reverse restraining order? I have to walk past the school now. I have to be within 150 meters of the school at all times. Yeah, it's one of those judges that made up crazy rulings. Well, you know what? You have to be around kids. Because you're so nice. It's for being too good of a person.

You're low risk. I have to walk past it to get to the subway. And as I was walking past one day. And you go to subway every day. I go to subway every day, baby. For lunch? Foot long. No, to get to the

Toronto Transit Commission subway. But I was walking past one day and there were kids all on the swing set and then a couple of kids playing. And one of them screamed, Adam, do the Adam show. And then all the other kids

chimed in and they were like, yeah, yeah, do the adam show all of them really excited and emphatic and then adam clearly adam sighed picked up a rock and then hit it with his foot and he started just picking things up from the ground and just sort of like hitting them with parts of his body and And then the girl who originated it said, no, the real Adam show. And then again, he sighed and he walked over to a picnic table and just started kicking it repeatedly

and like trying to knock it over with parts of his body. And then they all started cheering. And Adam just was so sad and just kept doing it. Yeah, yeah, because he was trying out some new material cheering and Adam just was so sad and just kept doing it. Yeah. Yeah. Because he, he was trying out some new material with the rocks off of his body and people were like classics, classics. Honestly, to me, I was like, oh, this kid one time got attention for hitting things

and kicking them. And doesn't want the attention. And doesn't want it now. And they were just so into it. And doesn't want the attention. And doesn't want it now. And they were just so into it. And he honestly just kept heavy sighing while kicking this picnic table. Maybe that's part of the Adam show.

No better analogy for being an artist exists to me. Than the Adam show. Than the Adam show. Yeah. Yeah. So those are mine. Those are mine. A couple of kids inspiring me.

Yeah. Yeah. You know what? If Adam's listening, and he's a big fan, try eating a weird thing. Yes. That'll get them back on your side. Yeah. And like eat a rotten apple or something like that.

Pour something on your head. Yeah, yeah. Lick a thing you're not supposed to. Sit in something. Oh, sit in something. Pour something down your pants. These are all classic Gambit. The problem is, you know, we've got to wear those pants the rest of the day.

Doesn't matter. The payoff is huge. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there was definitely, do you remember that kid from when you were a kid that would eat, that would do anything for attention? Yeah. Graham, of course I remember her.

She lives in my mirror. I see her every day. Literally one time in high school, I was with those twin friends. And we found some sort of candy on the like ground by the bus stop and they were like wouldn't it be cool if you ate

yeah we would diddy glabba boop glibba glabba boop also the only way I knew how to connect with kids in elementary school

was that I would poke my eyeball like push it yeah I would just poke my eyeball and then the rest of the kids were like oh that's weird and gross i was like yeah yeah yeah isn't it fun aren't i fun and relatable oh boy i was that kid too yeah yeah and then i but I also remember there being other kids like Allah, the Adam show. There was this kid in my class named Rudy who was a Haitian refugee.

Immigrant? Immigrant? Sure. Maybe it was refuge. Yeah. Maybe he sought refuge. And he was good. He was like athletic.

And, but everyone was just like like he was double jointed in his shoulders and he could just put his hands together in the front and put them all the way over his back oh yeah and people just wanted to see that yeah of course uh human curiosity you know uh yeah trying to think of the was there a kid there was a kid definitely in junior high that he would do anything. He would do anything. I think I'm Facebook friends with him. I wonder if I wrote him on Facebook. If you could get him to do something.

Hey, put an egg in your butt. Dennis Paltrow told you to put a jade egg in your butt. Who has the kind of money to get a jade egg? Oh, they're not that expensive. Yes, they are. No, they're not. How much are they? Real jade eggs.

How much do you think they are? I think if you were buying a real jade egg, actually sized like an egg, like a chicken's egg, well, it'd be hundreds of dollars. No, you think cheaper? $45. No, not real jade. Real jade is not that rare. I guess.

Maybe you're right, but. Now, do you think that jade egg salespeople, now are they like, you sting this up your butt? It's not supposed to be your butt. You sting this in your butt? Yeah, it's not a butt, Graham. What's that? Front butt. Oh front oh right it's a ladies so this is so there's no place for a man to put a jade i believe in equal opportunity so if you want to put a jade egg in your butt yeah yeah hold it in there all day long like a secret. There was a Cosmo article once that said you should surprise your boyfriend or lover by placing a pebble inside of his bum without him knowing during sexual activity. A pebble?

A pebble. That's terrible advice. It's dangerous. And it's not probably sexy. I don't know. I've never tried it. Well, no, definitely. Getting anything is a surprise in your butt. Very sexy. Pebbles, jewels,

Pokemon. Yeah, rolled up scroll. I feel like a pebble would just feel like a bit of waste that you hadn't gotten rid of, and you would be confused about it. But like an egg, that's something. Oh, boy. Yeah, you're going to know that somebody put an egg in there.

Yeah. You're going to wake up. Hey, something feels right. It doesn't feel right. This is supposed to be during sexual activity, not while you're asleep. Graham passes out every time he orgasms. I fall asleep immediately afterwards. I fall asleep immediately when it starts.

And I'm sorry. Your foreplay is a good night's rest. I might wake up to go pee a few times. But it's unclear whether I'm waking up to go pee a few times. But it's unclear whether I'm waking up to go pee. Or because there's a jade egg in my butt. Yeah. Dave, do you have an overheard? I suppose I do.

When we were in Switzerland, my in-laws have British cable. Oh, yes. We just were watching, you know, the Beeb. The Beeb. Mm-hmm. The Beeb. Beeb 1, Beeb 2. There's a channel that's just Friends reruns.

Oh. There's a. Dare to dream. They've all been, you know, made into HD. It's great. Although there's a lot of stuff. I feel like, you know how, have you heard that with Seinfeld

on TBS, they play it like 10% faster or 8% faster so they can have more ads in there? I feel like that is rampant in British cable. Everything is like a tiny bit sped up.

Just so they could show you more ads for debt consolidation and crazy frog ringtones um still yeah is that him uh but anyway we were watching uh and it was the new year and it was this sort of panel news show and there was a story on dry January. Okay. Which is when women refuse to get aroused for an entire month. I don't like that. Why?

I don't know because Dave said it, I guess. Yeah, I think so. Because Dave's the bad guy no matter how solid the jokes are. Because I'm looking for a reason to be mad at Dave. And so it's when you don't drink for the entire month of January, which in England is impossible. But they say, so they had this news story, and they came back,

and the two hosts were there, and one say, uh, so they had this new story and they came back and the two hosts were there and, uh, one of them said, dry January. What's next? And the other one said, dry February. Yeah. But I thought it wasn't the dry. I thought it was in the later part, like sober, sober October or something. Oh yeah. People do that. But I mean, like sober October or something. Oh, yeah. People do that.

But, I mean, they find any rhyme for whatever time of year. Yeah, it's true. If it rhymes, then it chimes. Yeah, if it rhymes, then it chimes. Yeah, I feel like a lot of people make a New Year's resolution to not drink for January. Yeah, I think that makes the most sense because you probably drank a lot if you're a drinker. That's a big drink in time but i've also heard of people not drinking in november drivember so then they can

just go hard the rest of the year yeah i didn't i didn't find that i drank oh no that's not true i take that back immediately i was like did i drink more in December? And I really did. I'm not a big drinker and I drank more. Yeah. A lot of peppermint flavored vodka. Ooh. Is that nice? It gets you drunk. I was, I told you a few months ago when I read the girl on the

train, they have, she drinks these gin and tonics that are pre-mixed in a can in the book. And she's a, you know, a terrible alcoholic and it's not at all, you know, it doesn't seem like you, you're not supposed to read it and think, oh, I want to drink that. But I totally was like, oh wow, that sounds great on a summer day. And I found some of them in England and they were so good.

Yeah. Like, uh, so it's just pre-mixed and then you don't pour it over ice? You just drink it out of the can? You can pour it over ice if you want, but what am I? Mr. You know, what am I? The Queen? Mr. The Queen? Mr. The Queen of England?

Who am I? Señor the Queen? So that's what I'm, next time I go to England again, I'm just going to. Gin Tontons? Drink a Gin, gin and tonic? Drink a lot of gin and tonic? I'm going to, they're like the skinny kind of Red Bull cans. Yeah. I'm going to get one of those John Popper vests.

Who's John Popper? The lead singer and harmonica-ist of Blues Traveler. He's just got a vest full of harmonicas. I'm going to fill it with cans. John Popper? I wonder. I hardly John Popper. No, I did it wrong.

I give up. And you're mad at me. Yeah. My overheard is courtesy of being on the bus when all of the, I guess, elementary schools or junior highs all got out because that was all entirely who was on the bus. And there was three girls behind me and I could tell just by their back and forth, like which one was kind of the boss of the three of them. And she kept doing this, but my favorite,

she kept kind of setting up her friends for an automatic fail. And this was my favorite. She said, don't you hate the food in the cafeteria? And then they both were like, yeah, I hate it. Yeah, I hate it. And she said, not me, I love it. She said, not me, I love it. You could tell that was her bit. Did you guys, I mean, I don't think, I think in high school I had a lot of cafeteria food.

In elementary school, not so much, but I loved it. Oh, yeah. Yeah, like the fries. The fries, onion rings sometimes, a cheeseburger you could eat in one bite. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like the fries. The fries. Onion rings sometimes. A cheeseburger you could eat in one bite. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

The burgers. Or just those like pizza pretzels. Yes. They're so cheap. So delicious. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. A little thing of chocolate milk.

Oh, yeah. Now, did you have a cafeteria, like, in junior high? We didn't have junior high. We only had elementary and high school. Oh, right, right, right. We didn't have cafeteria in elementary school. We did just because our elementary school was attached to a high school. Okay.

Because, yeah, I remember, like, getting money to go to the cafeteria. That was, like, a special. Yeah, I didn't eat at it go to the cafeteria. That was like a special. Yeah, I didn't eat at it every day. No, no, no. It was strictly a brown bag. But then once in a while, I got a little treat money. In elementary school, it was a treat. In high school, I think I maybe ate there every day.

I think by the time my parents were done having four kids, they were like, Dave, we're not making you lunch. I'm not writing inspirational notes to you every day. Yeah, I think eventually my friends and I would walk up to the 7-Eleven and eat whatever disgusting

fried chicken they had at the 7-Eleven. Yeah, we would go to the hockey rink right by our high school. We'd get fries and chicken strips. I have a very nostalgic attachment to hockey rink food. When I think of it, I don't know, it's probably the worst food in the entire universe, but it gives me a nice warm feeling. Now, we also have overheards sent in to us from people around the world.

If you want to send one in to us, you can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org. And this first one comes from all the way over in Dubai. Whoa, it's an emirate. Abu Dhabi, dude. That's a pun. Oh, wait, is that already from the movie? Yes, it's actually in the movie. It's awful. Was Dubai sexual

in the movie? I'm Dubai sexual. Don't mind if I Dubai. Dubai. So this is a fresh overheard from the first moments of 2018. I was with my family watching the New Year's fireworks at midnight, and everyone was watching in awe, not saying much, when my seven-year-old niece, Sophia, said to no one in particular, I'm going to say my name for the first time in 2018.

Sophia. Ooh, it sounds so new. Sophia. Ooh, it sounds so new. Sophia! Kids. Yeah. Sophia's never going to be the kind of kid who needs to eat something to impress other people. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's pretty pleased with herself. Self-confidence. Yeah. After the Clock Strikes Midnight, going to say my own name in this new year. Did you ever do that? Like your first blank of the new year? Well, I remember it being like all these grown-ups are giving some significance to the fact that yesterday was a different year than today. And so I'm on board with that.

The first breakfast of the new year. I don't think I ever really cared. No? No. Did you ever go out and do anything on New Year's Eve? Yeah. Yeah? But you were like, whatever.

The day was always so trumped up. Like, gotta get a new outfit, and we're gonna go out for dinner, and then go to a party. Yeesh, that sounds expensive. Not by my family, by my friends. Yeah. And then eventually I was like, oh, this doesn't mean anything. We're going to go to the cafeteria. I love the food there.

We're going to get some fries and chicky strips in our new outfits. Chicky strips. That's what you sound like when you scat chickity bee bee bee chickity bup bup oh boy

chicka peh tan way who am I? Nell Nell was the original scatter oh man I was tryingell. Nell. Nell was the original scatter. Oh, man. I was trying to explain Nell to somebody who had never heard of Nell. That is a tough explanation.

Where it's like, okay, Jodie Foster, she plays a woman who maybe never met a human, grew up in the woods. Grew in the woods. Also, I'm explaining it as somebody who's never seen the film. I only, I think I, when I was working at CBC Music, I made a quiz that was different quotes. Which of these are things Nell said and which are Sigur Rós lyrics. And I had to go through the movie. And I think it ends up being like Liam Neeson is her lawyer. Like trying to, there's a court case around whether she can be a Nell,

whether it's legal to be Nell. So I think that would be the plot of Nell. Boy, oh boy. A feral woman. Goes to court. Goes to court. Feral woman goes to Washingtonhington my goodness uh this next one also takes place on new year's eve this is hannah s in boise idaho um this is uh right after the

bars closed at 2 a.m my friends and i were walking from the bar we were at two friends apartment nearby as we were walking past one of the bars There were two guys standing right outside the doorway The taller one, clearly drunk Was saying to his friend, with a lot of effort Man, I can't wait to just Go home and You know, man Just like, masturbate

What are you doing here? Yeah, yeah, go Don't let me hold you up Yeah First wake of the new year Yeah Like if you're not worried about Going home with a partner

Then Yeah exactly What are you waiting for? Yeah Like You are your own ride I personally am still waiting for mine. Oh, yeah.

I just took a vow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll get there. Dry January. This last one comes from, I'm not sure how to pronounce his name Lachie? Lachie? L-A-C-H-I-E

Lachie? Lachie? Lachie M from Melbourne, Australia Oh, is it Lachie from The Wiggles? I don't know Is that a character from The Wiggles? Yeah Lachie

He likes to take naps He's the purple one? Well, let's say that it is different hair lengths and different episodes it's very frustrating i was married to emma from the wiggles really yeah the yellow wiggle oh wow i'm surprised that uh more wiggles aren't married yeah there aren't more because there's only one uh woman wiggle right yeah i'm Because there's only one woman wiggle, right? Yeah. I'm surprised there's not one. She's a modern woman wiggle. Yeah.

The original wiggles were. They were all. Proud boys. Proud. Horrible. I was in New Zealand a couple of weeks ago, and I was in a bar sitting at a table across from a bunch of Kiwis. They were talking about some attractive lady. One guy says, oh, man, she's really hot.

Another guy says, bro bro she's like 75 and the first guy says yeah 75 out of 10 oh nice progressive and pretty sweet yeah 75 out of 10 i going to file that away in the old roll of this. That's pretty good. Next time you... I'm talking about, you know, how attractive I found Bea Arthur for a long time in my life. Did you? Yes. Yes.

Yes. I found, let's say, three out of the four Golden Girls very attractive. Who was the... Which one? Sophia was... Was she the... She was the old... The mom. She was the which one so sophia was was she the she was the old old the mom she was she was like 90 out of 10 but yeah because that was i think that was the only sitcom that i watched when i was a kid

that there was like overt sexual stuff going on but i think i was allowed to watch it because it was like yeah older ladies what what could they possibly be saying that a young boy can't hear? A lot of things. Thanks, Blanche. Were you ever not allowed to watch anything? Yep. Two things growing up. So we weren't allowed to own horror movies or watch horror movies. Not that my mom would have been screaming mad about it, but we never owned any

and we had a huge movie collection. What about a monster movie like about a sexy fish? Yeah, like a sexy fish man. Well, I don't know. It probably would have been fine, but growing up, my mom hid... She hid three things, actually,

three movies from us that we were not allowed to watch. The first was The Abyss because she thought it would be too scary. Right. Which I, I'm not a hundred percent sure is that scary, but. I think The Abyss won Times Man of the Year in 1989. Scariest man of the year. Man? Question mark?

Scariest water face of the year. I never saw it. I just remember. So I wasn't allowed to watch that. mark? Scariest water face of the year. I never saw it. I just remember. So wait, I wasn't allowed to watch that. I wasn't very rightly, I think, allowed to watch Blue Velvet. Yeah, that is correct. Rocky Horror Picture Show.

My mom had those hidden in the bottom drawer when we were growing up of her bedroom. Maybe so she could watch them. Yeah. Well, maybe I don't. My mom can't watch a movie through. There's something else to do oh really yeah my parents have a bit of that yeah get up and wash the car in the middle minute 40 of a movie but we're at the theater i got a really good spot in the lot At the theater.

I got a really good spot in the lot. Right next to a hose. Hey, give me this bucket. I'm going to wash it with Pimba. Oh, man. Yeah, we were allowed to watch every TV show. But Blue Velvet, I don't think a grown-up should watch Blue Velvet. Yeah, so I think I was like 15, and I ended up sneakily watching both of them. And when I watched Blue Velvet, I was like, well, good call, mom.

Yeah. And then Rocky Horror, I was like, no, this is fine. Yeah, it's fun. But that was the funny thing. We were allowed to watch anything we wanted on TV. But just not these. Like we grew up watching, my favorite shows were like In Living Color and uh x files and just like she didn't care yeah i mean that's uh you know i think you have to oh and pick your battle uh what it was

red shoe diaries watch that all the time oh no um that's something you had to sneak i think yeah my brothers and i would sneak some showcase on fr night. I just wouldn't have wanted her to see me watching it. Yeah. And still to this day, I'm so glad that I didn't go see The Shape of Water with my parents during the Christmas break. Still to this day. Like, if a sex scene comes on with your parents while you're watching a movie, you're like, oh, boy. What's that Viggo Mortensen film where he's like a criminal? Oh, the History of Violence?

Yeah, I went to see a History of Violence with my mom. Oh, God. he's like a criminal. History of violence? Yeah, I went to see a history of violence with my mom. Oh, God. There's like a 69ing scene? There's a 69ing scene and there's a scene where he throws

his wife in the movie down. It's like a quite violent, sexy. Yeah, yeah. He puts a pebble in her butt. He puts a pebble in her butt

while she's on a jade egg. Sex is just not what it used to be. Now it's all pebbles and jade eggs. In addition to overhears that are written in, we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us. You can get a jade egg for probably, from what I can tell. $45. Yeah, about that, maybe. $45.

Yeah, about that, maybe. Look, so many results came up when I Googled it that it's hard to know what jade is worth. There's different quality of jade as well. Yeah. There is. You don't want to put the finest jade up there. But you also don't want to put a discount jade. You do not want to put discount. You want middle-of-the-road jade.

Yeah. Like good factory grade. Yeah,of-the-road jade. Yeah. Like, good factory grade. Yeah, you want American-made jade. But, like, get something with the stamp of the Canadian standards. Yes. Whatever. Anyway, phone call number 1-844-779-7631. That's one.

Ugh, SpyPod. One like these people have. Hi, one, ugh, spy pod, one like these people have. Hi, Dave, Graham, and possible guests. This is Camille from Texas calling in with a kids say the darndest overheard. I was just over at my husband's family's house and his grandma had gotten a

Amazon Echo for Christmas. So the eight-year-old nephew in the family was messing around with it and asking me a ton of questions and whatnot. And at one point, I tuned into what he was saying, and Alexa goes, I'm sorry, I didn't understand that question. And the nephew says, Alexa, it wasn't a question. I'm just trying to tell you a cat fact. Well, I know you misunderstand. Alexa, it wasn't a question. I'm just trying to tell you a cat fact. Welcome.

No, you misunderstand, Alexa. I'm trying to share information with you. You're going to always be growing, Alexa. So if someone asks you... Yeah, you know, the cats are soft. The cats have, you know, the disease that makes pregnant ladies go crazy or whatever. Kind of jade egg disease. Yeah.

Isn't it trichinosis? Toxoplasmosis? Toxoplasmosis. That's what it's called. Trichinosis is a spoiled meat. That's meat. Yeah. Yeah.

The, do you, you don't have one of these home assistants, do you? No. No. You? Never.

I'm afraid of AI. Yeah, fair enough. Is that why you're afraid of the world when you're 50? Maybe, kind of. I really am very afraid of robots. And soda monsters spraying pib at you? I was coaching a group recently, a sketch group, and we were at this woman's house

and her son has this robot, like truly a kind of minimalistic AI. And you can teach the robot to recognize people's faces and interact with them because it has sort of like a video screen interface. So her son was teaching it a bunch of names and there's one guy in the group, uh, who he, they're like, they're friendly, but he went over and he's like, oh, what did you teach it about me? And he just giggled the kid. And then he refused. And I

walked over and I peeked over his shoulder and he had named him Gigant Butt. Not gigantic, not just Gigant Butt. And I just nodded like, nice, nice. Yeah, yeah. Real nice. This is the future of AI. Why are you afraid of AI? It's going to be a fun romp. No, I think you're right to be scared of it.

I'm a little bit afraid, yeah. Yeah. They have that one robot that they bring out, like done a speech at the UN and it's been on the Tonight Show. And I don't know how the people who made it think we're supposed to react to it, but I

find it beyond terrifying. Yeah. Sophia is her name. Oh yeah, Sophia. Said it the first time after New Year's. Sophia. Yeah. Here first time after New Year's. Sophia. Here's your next phone call. Hi, Dave Graham and guest. This is Ben calling from San Diego

with an overheard. I was in line yesterday to buy a ticket to The Disaster Artist, the James Franco movie about the filming of the movie The Room. And the guy in front of me was talking to the person working

the ticket counter and said, oh, the disaster artist, what's that about? And the person responded, well, I haven't seen it, but from what I understand it's about the guy who invented escape rooms. Oh, I would totally watch a movie about the guy who invented escape rooms. Oh, I would totally watch

a movie about the guy who invented escape rooms. Now I'm super curious who invented escape rooms. I don't think you could take credit for it. You can't take credit for an invention. You think a murdering of murderers?

The original escape rooms. Yeah. You think Murray and Burr is the original escape rooms? Yeah, I guess you're right. Have you done one? Yeah, I've done them a couple of times. Are you good at them? Well, I always win, I guess, like I escape. I don't like them because. You're not still in one?

I don't know, am I? Oh. Guys, if you don't hear from me in a few weeks, Dave has me trapped in the podcast room. Guys, she's free to go. She just has to answer these, solve this riddle, and put this puzzle together. The riddle is, you are older than Travis Parker and younger than Jimmy Fallon. Who are you? than Jimmy Fallon.

Who are you? So yeah, I always escape, but I always find that there's at least one friend who in every other way in life is so great. And then the second you get them in the room, they're a monster. I think that's true of board games as well. I think so. Because you see people's competitive side,

but also in a weird intellectual way. Right. Yeah, I find them very uncomfortable. So I sort of just shut down and solve a puzzle on my own and then go, all right, it's done. Let's get out of this place. Next time, let's go bowling. Where I get to be the monster. And your final overheard.

Hi, David and Graham and guests. This is Nathan from Florida. This is an overheard. I was just passing some people at a Target, and it was an older woman and her son, probably in his mid-30s. And she said, where's the Hanukkah stuff? He goes, over there. And she goes, where?

And he goes, probably where that big damn dreidel is, Mom. So, yeah, happy Hanukkah. Man, oh, man. The way kids talk to their parents, I'll tell you. That's not the Hanukkah spirit I know. No, no, exactly. Talk to their parents. I'll tell you. That's not the Hanukkah spirit I know.

No, no, exactly. It's, you know, as I understand, Hanukkah is about some sort of oil that burned for eight nights. I learned that from friends. That's why they eat so many oil-based foods. Is that right? Yeah, I learned that two weeks ago. Oh, really? Yeah, like latkes and.

Because it's just like a... It's a celebration of the oil, why they make so many... I didn't know that. It was the Maccabees who... There were like a group of Canadian brothers who had some hits in the early 2000s. They're twins. Do you think they're still putting out albums? Moffat?

Yeah. No. No. One of them was on Canadian Idol. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. As a judge or contender? Contestant.

Oh. Interesting. That is interesting. This is what Canadian show business is. You can be a famous singer in a band and then show up on a reality show as a contestant. And nobody thinks it's weird. Yeah. Fair enough.

Nicole, this brings us to the end of the podcast. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. And you haven't solved the riddle yet, so you know what that means. Oh, no. Do you have things coming up in the end of january maybe the beginning of february end of january beginning of february absolutely um you can uh i mean come out to bad dog anytime we have globe head happening which is our annual short form improv tournament um who knows how I'll fare with my fun, weird friends, Connor Holler and AJ Voguey.

Okay. But, man, we do some epic things. So come on out. What a ride. What a ride. Come on out to Every Month at Bad Dog. I do a show called The Girls Show. It's amazing.

It's one of the best casts you can find in anywhere, truthfully. And so funny and just really raw and hilarious. Come check that out every third Thursday of the month at 9.30. Nice. Regular time slot. Regular time slot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What time?

9.30. Oh, okay. 9.30, but every third? Every third Thursday of the month at Bad Dog. And that's at 9.30? 9.30. Oh, okay. 9.30, but every third? Every third Thursday of the month at Bad Dog. And that's at 9.30? Yeah. Okay. Do you want to ask again?

No, no, no. I think we got it. You got it? Because it's 9.30. 9.30. Every Thursday. 9.30. At Bad Dog.

And do we have anything? A couple things I neglected to mention. I did end up getting that Elsa doll. Oh, good. Doesn't matter how I got it. I got end up getting that Elsa doll. Oh, good. Doesn't matter how I got it. I got it. It was fine. People were asking.

The other thing is I was on Chris Locke's podcast. Oh, yeah. Utopia to Me. And so funny. Get that. Yeah. What a guy. What a guy.

Very funny, man. Very, very funny. And whale. Whale. Very funny, man. Very, very funny. And well... Well... And you know what? If you want to interact with the podcast further, you can go on Twitter, you can go to Facebook,

we've got a Facebook group, people post all sorts of videos and pictures and bumper stickers. A lot of license plates. License stickers. A lot of license plates. License plates and license plates and license plates. And if you like the show, please tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned.

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